#and still i will be right up against my maintenence calories

[problem-vargr]

Listening to fitness influencers talk about how "easy" it is to lose weight and "count calories to stay in a deficit" and "eat high density, low calorie foods" makes me want to tear something apart with my teeth like GURL have you even TASTED halo top ice cream!? W T F I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT SHIT WHAT EVEN IS THAT

[scrumpledorph-writes]

Koben's First Date (She's 35)

Arrived at the agreed upon meeting point at 18:55 hours: five minutes to perform a reconnaissance before the date begins. Three suns casting a long set of shadows and a dangerous ambient temperature for anything not covered by them. Single story bar, wrought out of sun baked clay, outer walls a solid imperial meter thick. Would diffuse a whole platoon of blaster rifle fire.

Still a dingy rathole at the edge of town, but it’s what my date picked out. I’ve only been staying here two weeks so it’s not like I know anywhere nicer. I’ve done breach and clears on scummier places, so just coming here to relax should be easy!

Wearing my best suit of armor, picked out my most flattering helmet, and polished the outfit well enough to blind anyone who points a glowrod at me. I look good, I feel good: I can do this. Just walk through that front door and-

There’s half a dozen blaster pistols pointed at me. ‘What the hell’s a trooper doing here?!’ one of them’s asking. I figured the purple stripes and the mismatched helmet would be a flagrant enough violation of Imperial Dress Armor Maintenance Protocol to get the point across that I’m no longer officially Empire affiliated, but some people just don’t read their manuals I suppose.

My hands are by my side, I’m playing it cool. Don’t kill six people before sitting down, that’s coming on too strong.

‘Oh, uhh, don’t mind me! Just here on a date, was gonna sit down in that empty booth and-’

A blaster pistol pokes me in the side as I walk by. Killing one or two of these guys will probably get the point across, that’s a justifiable use of force in a naval court. I take a survey of the room: angles, positions, battery grades. Their guns are barely stronger than stunners, I could take at least three solid hits before the heat sinks start to fail – it’d ruin the polish though.

Okay just break this guy’s arm and use him as a shield to get the point across. Here. We.

‘Hey Buckethead, you got credits?’ The bartender! He seems amenable; this place is a hole in the wall so losing these scumbags would probably put him out of business. Turn to look at him, nod slowly, reach for my credit pouch even more so.

‘Good. You thirsty?’ Nod again. I scheduled this date to align precisely with my dietary schedule, so I plan to have one and a half glasses of water and a nutritionally complete meal. Ample spending for a single patron.

‘Then whoever shoots you pays your tab.’ The blasters recede back into cloaks and shoddy holsters. Sit down at the booth without further incident, good progress so far. Don’t remember any of my old squad-mates mentioning shootouts in their date stories. Face the door so I can keep an eye out for her.

She’s a few minutes late. Within acceptable standard deviation, not worth a reprimand. Even if it was I’d let it slide, because standing in the front doorway she’s just about the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

Coral pink skin draped over legs built like tree trunks – waging a war of attrition against a pair of work pants eligible for veteran’s benefits, and winning it by the look of the tears. Cushion around the midsection: serving double duty as protection and a calorie reserve for long bouts of physical labour. Arms poking out of a sleeveless, tastefully sun bleached off white work shirt that look like they could heft up a laser cannon. Years of desert dust had taken up the venerable work of sculpting her a strong, hardy jawline that could come out the other end of a brawl with no more than a bruise. All this topped off with a half dozen shoulder length Nautolan head tentacles.

I didn’t even know women could look like that – they definitely can’t while adhering to Imperial Diet and Dress Guidelines – but I’m glad she does. Her deep black eyes are on me. I’m glad to be wearing a helmet, just now noticing my jaw dropped while I was looking her up and down.

They’re off me again. She’s looking around the bar. Oh shit, right, I’m in full armor. Wave her down. She’s pointing at herself incredulously. Nod, but don’t nod so hard I look desperate. Alright that worked. I never got sent on information gathering missions, so I don’t have any training for how to seduce a woman, but all the guys used to say just be yourself and act natural.

‘H-hi’ Terrible. Cracked, warbling voice, trembling like a schoolchild. Clear your throat, pretend this is a debrief with a particularly informal officer, and try again.

‘Hey! Brayli, right?’ ‘Yeah, you’re Koben?’ That husky drawl is just about making my knees buckle, really glad I decided to meet her sitting down. Her voice is bouncing around in my helmet like a concussion grenade bounces shockwaves around a cockpit.

‘Do you mind if I take this thing off?’ Point at the helmet to make sure she doesn’t think you’re some kind of exhibitionist freak. She’s nodding, good. Don’t put it on the table that’s weird and intimidating. The seat next to you is good, that’s normal, put it there.

She’s smirking now, oh no why’s she doing that, she’s making fun of me, now that there’s nothing keeping her from reading my face it’s written on me like a bounty poster how nervous I am.

‘Not sure why you bother wearing that, cute thing like you.’ Oh, I understand now, she’s forward. Really forward. Can’t keep the nervous laughter inside, but she seems to be liking it. Adrenal responses involve an up front surge and level off with time, take the conversation somewhere less stimulating and circle back around for another pass later.

‘I kept it this way by wearing the thing – an old squad-mate of mine took his off and took a blaster shot, looked like someone had smashed a tomato with a hammer.’ Why. Why did you say that. That’s weird, nobody knows what a smashed tomato looks like and nobody wants to know that it looks a lot like a blown open face.

Wait no never mind she’s laughing I’m doing great – mental note maybe this woman is dangerous – laugh too so you don’t look like a commando droid with synthskin draped over it. We’re having idle conversation, it’s progressing naturally. Keep talking.

‘That outfit looks practical, what do you need it for?’ She’s looking down at it, now back to me. ‘Speeder mechanic. I would’ve wore some nicer clothes, but I don’t own any.’ Another little laugh. She laughs a lot, it’s really pretty. I’d ask her to spend the rest of the night just laughing at nothing but that’s weird so I won’t. I’m already laughing too, I didn’t even need to remember.

‘Yeah I know what you mean. My closet’s this and a subcycle’s worth of identical underarmor.’ Too far, you were doing great but you were riding a thin line and now she knows you live like a soldier who has nothing else to offer – no wait another laugh she’s fine you’re fine it’s fine everything’s fine.

‘Well, it’s a very nice suit of armor. Maybe you can let me take a closer look some time.’ I’m pretty sure that was flirty, don’t be standoffish and professional about this. ‘You can take a look now!’ I’ll show her my gauntlet: it’s the smallest piece which makes people think it’s the least important but actually an incredible degree of engineering goes into all the microservos: nobody ever thinks unpowered armor needs microservos because you can move it just with your hands, but actually they’re there to subtly compensate for recoil. Normal Stormtrooper armor doesn’t have it, and in test environments where Purge and Storm troopers swapped armor it was found to reduce deviation by up to five degrees and increase hit probability by as much as fifteen percent. Why am I bothering to remember this; she’s a civilian speeder mechanic she doesn’t care about any of this.

She’s running her fingers along my hand. I know I’m not feeling her body heat because the suit is weather proofed, but it feels like she’s leaving lingering embers trailing along my skin. But not searing it like how the inquisition sears flesh with their lightsabers to torture dissidents, it’s more like the gentle warmth of a blaster barrel after a just slightly too long burst. It’s nice.

Her mouth furrows into a frown for the first time of the night. Why, what’s wrong, what’d I do, can she tell everything that these gauntlets have ever done? Is she a secret jedi? Does she feel them around her windpipe crushing the life out of her and her son is beating on the leg of my armor for me to stop but he’s so weak and I’m so much stronger and then there’s a crack and she falls limp and I walk away, leaving a scar that won’t ever heal in her son’s heart until he joins a resistance cell and I end up shooting him stone dead in the street?

‘It looks like this microservo’s a little out of tune.’

Oh. Well that’s fine. ‘Maybe you could tune it up for me some time?’ I didn’t even think that one through, but she’s smiling about it, so I guess we have something in common. She’s letting my hand rest on top of hers after giving it a complete once over. I know I should probably pull it back, but this is nice. Just a few more seconds. One. Two. Three. No more, it’s time to move on to something else.

‘So, what’re you doing for work now that the Empire finally let you go?’ Don’t correct her by saying I deserted. There’s a lot of things not to have said tonight, and I’m already safely past most of them, but don’t say that one specifically the most. Followup thing not to say: don’t tell her I’m a bounty killer. Definitely don’t mention that I’m specifically a bounty killer and not a bounty hunter because there’s an active bounty out on me and the only work I could get was the illegal version. Don’t lie to her, because that’s almost as bad as all those other things, but stretch the truth until it ends up somewhere respectable.

‘Freelance security work. Protecting transports and merchant caravans.’ Not a lie! Sometimes I end up guarding a dummy caravan as bait until the target shows up. She looks impressed. I’m out of things I can reasonably say, how do I follow this up. Drinks!

Yeah, get drinks, showcase my poison honed constitution, that’ll be really impressive! My inquisitor used to microdose me on common toxins to build up a resistance to ambushes and subterfuge. Whatever watered down swill a place like this can offer will be easy!

Speaking of, it’s been a long day. This place serve anything strong?’ Another little chuckle. I’m starting to savor every one of them. ‘Hey Glixnee, get us a couple snakebites.’ Oh, the mess hall used to serve those. Not really what I’d call strong, but out here I guess something recognizable is as good as I can hope for. The bartender is making the drinks and he’s bringing us the drinks and the drinks are here and this is the single most revolting substance that has ever entered my digestive system.

Poisons are usually engineered to be subtle, but this is just making no secret of how awful it is. She’s sipping at it with no trouble like it’s a glass of water. I think if I try that I’ll throw up. All of it, right now. It feels like molten slag going down, but it’s gone. Now I can dilute it over the night. She’s laughing again.

‘Wow, hope you’ve got a synth liver.’ My body feels like it’s unspooling, but my limbs still move so I guess I’m fine. ‘Whaddyu meen?’ That didn’t come out right. Try again, still wrong. She’s laughing the hardest she has all night. I’d chug a gallon of this expired swill if it kept making her laugh harder.

‘You know you just downed a glass of snake venom, right? You’re supposed to sip on it over the night, let it attack you in small waves and fight it off for a light buzz. It takes three hours to drink one dose safely without an enhanced toxin filter.’ I’m sliding down the bench. The lights just got a lot brighter and her voice is so loud now, she’s talking so slowly too. My mouth tastes like I licked the ashes out of the barrel of my blaster rifle, but other than that I feel gooooood. ‘Ooooh. Yaaaay.’

I’m having a great time halfway to the floor, giggling and drooling and now I can’t move my face any more so I guess I’m gonna rest in a pool of it for a little bit. She’s saying something to the bartender but my ears are ringing like one of the guys pranked me with a flashbang so I don’t really know what it is they’re saying. Oh now she’s picking me up, she’s giving me a hug, hooray! Oh she’s holding my mouth open, are we having a kiss now?

The bartender’s coming over, when’d he join our date? Get him out of here, I wanna flail my arms at him to get him out of here but they don’t wanna move for me, little treacherous bastards. He’s pouring something down my throat and it tastes even worse than the venom somehow and he’s carrying me away. Goodbye everybody at the bar! I want to wave but my arms are still mutinying so a little happy wheeze will do.

I’m kicking my legs and having fun with the ride and now I’m in a bathroom stall. I don’t really need to use the bathroom and now my tummy’s turning itself inside out and I’m purging the toxins from my system, coughing and retching as it burns even worse on the way up than it did on the way down.

The world’s coming back into focus and I’m mostly over whatever the hell that was but still reeling from the exertion, only dimly aware he’s talking to me. I’m looking up at him, and he’s laughing, but obviously at me and not with me like Brayli does. ‘Gotta admit I don’t see folks try that one too often. Wanted to look tough for your date?’

I’m being reprimanded, a role I’m a lot more familiar with. He’s talking again now that I’ve managed an embarrassed nod. ‘Well you put on a great show. I’ll go tell ‘em to settle down before you come back out, but hell: I’m not even gonna charge you for this.’ His apron has a lot more pockets than I expected, and that ever so slightly glowing blue vial is singing a siren’s song of relief to me right now.

‘I got most of it out, but not enough for it not to kill me, and this is the antidote?’ ‘Good guess. This a hobby of yours or something?’ It’s the least objectionable thing I’ve had to drink tonight, even factoring in the lumps. Splash some cold water on my face, swish my mouth out from the tap, and I’m feeling close enough to fine to go back out. I shouldn’t keep her waiting.

There’s a couple sets of eyes on me right now, but the only ones I care about are hers. They’re locked onto me and I’m not even forcing the little smile I can feel forming. ‘Hey. Guess a snakebite’s a little different around here than an Imperial canteen.’ We’re laughing it off together. It’s been a very nice change of pace to be laughed with instead of at.

‘Holy shit she’s got flesh and blood after all! Here I was thinking you’d found the last commando droid abandoned on the assembly line and dressed it up in a layer of synthskin so you could pretend anyone liked you!’

I could kill him, easily. He’s obviously drunk, so his reflexes are shot, and he’s a gangly little son of a bitch anyway. One of those chitinous species’ that don’t give in gradually to force, I’d get a nice satisfying crunch all at once. Put the helmet on so he can’t even hope for a glass to the face to save him, snuff the life out of his stupid compound eyes, reveal that I’m nothing more than a cold blooded killer, scar her for life. Forget it.

She’s giving me another smile, but this one’s forced. I had to study the way faces contort once during counterspy training and this one’s fake. Without another word she’s up, and then he’s down. One good right hook to the side of the head and – holy hell it bounced off the counter! Normally when you knock someone out cold they just slump over like a sack of meat and go through oxygen deprivation and die, but he might not even get the chance. By the Emperor I think I just swallowed my tongue. No, still feel it. Definitely made me jump in my seat a little, which even a proton torpedo across the view screen doesn’t make me do any more. I was infatuated before, but now I’m in love.

I’m still staring as she sits down, but now I’m worried that she’s mistaking how attracted I am for concern, or worse: judgment. Clear my throat, blink, put my face back on right. ‘Relax, his bug juice coagulates quickly. He’ll be fine.’ I’ll take her word for it. Not quite sure if I’m disappointed, but the swirling torrent of toxin hangover and flustered lust are definitely calling for some fresh air.

‘Hey, if it’s alright, do you maybe want to get out of here?’ ‘Please.’ We’re up, the helmet’s back on, my credit purse is a little heavier – my last job could only pay me in thousands so the barkeep had to break change – and we’re outside. I never thought I’d want to fill my lungs with this dry, dusty air but my head’s already starting to empty out.

‘Well, I should call a speeder. I had a great time though, if you wanted to swap comm frequencies I’d love to keep in touch.’ Unreserved, unabashed, not desperate, not apologetic, no promises to do better. I didn’t even know talking to someone could be like this. She’s giggling. It’s fine, she giggles a lot. I’m not in trouble.

‘I can give you a lift.’ She’s pointing at a land speeder. At least, the rough silhouette of a land speeder. More like a cobbled together pile of parts that failed routine inspection. Any requisition officer would scrap it, maybe even have it melted down and recast to be on the safe side, but if she’s a mechanic then I’m sure it runs. Can’t exactly say it looks out of place around here.

We’re in the speeder together. It’s cramped. Her thighs are laying siege to the unyielding plate of my suit. There’s no room for me to put it if I were to take it off. This suit’s the one thing that’s never failed or betrayed me over the years, but I’m half tempted to dump it out the side just so it could be my skin she’s pressed up against. I’ll settle for putting my helmet on the floor.

My place is a long way out of town. Little whitewashed clay hut in the middle of nowhere, an inconspicuous blip not worth paying any attention to. Suits my needs perfectly, but it’s a long trip. I always take a speeder halfway then march for half an hour just so there’s nobody who could trace my location.

We’re stopped. ‘Engine trouble?’ She’s shaking her head and pointing over my shoulder. ‘Just wanted to take in the sunset for a few minutes.’ Oh wow, that’s worth stopping for. The three suns look beautiful over the dunes; their usual oppressive hues are fading into a cool pink. Glittering and sparkling and reflected a million million fold over the sand. I’ve never seen anything like it.

Her weight just shifted onto me. The speeder is on the ground, so no danger of capsizing. I’ve seen other troopers use this maneuver before: put my arm around her shoulder. We’re sitting silently, just watching the suns disappear over the horizon. It’s nice.

The minutes pass, and the suns retreat with them. I’m looking into those fathomless black eyes of hers, completely devoid of texture and depth. I’d love to be lost in them forever. The speeder starts up more easily than the first time, and we’re off across the dunes again.

I can’t invite her in, she can’t even get line of sight to my place. Damn it! I clear my throat at the crest of a dune. Good enough visibility, I can find my way back home. ‘You can let me out here. I like the exercise.’ Not the whole truth, but not a stretch either: I always appreciated long marches.

Getting out is a modest challenge with the speeder still running, but I can manage. She’s waving me off, I’m returning the gesture. ‘Not quite the night I was expecting, but one I wouldn’t mind following up on. Call me tomorrow?’ I’m nodding, we’re both waving, she’s driving off, I’m walking alone with my helmet under my shoulder and a chill creeping across my face. Those last two solve each other.

Lots of time to think on the march. Think about what I am, think about what I used to be. Child slave, orphan, Naval Academy star pupil. Storm trooper, Purge trooper, assassin. Deserter, bounty killer. Happy. I was happy tonight. Maybe a little of those other things, but mostly that. I hope I can be happy again soon.

[hecallsmehischild]

On Losing Weight

Recently I was asked a question that prompted me to pull together all the information I could remember about how my husband, Sergey, and I have been eating over the last few years. We both struggle very much with food and have been trying to do better by our bodies for a long time, but are wary of all the diets and fads. This post has details about what we’ve tried to date and what has worked for us. Most of it is written by me. At the end, Sergey wrote a few paragraphs also. Very long post under the cut.

Disclaimers and a few generalities

One thing about eating and weight loss is that accountability really helps. However, I’ve found personally that even if everyone in your family means well, accountability partners should not be within the family. The main reason I've found is that there's too much baggage with any family member (with the potential exception of your marriage partner) for accountability to ever go well and function as it should. Resentment, triggers, irritation, even accidental shaming crops up because of old baggage and derails everything. You need accountability with someone who you don’t carry a lot of baggage with, because there’s often a huge emotional component to eating.

It takes a LONG time to lose large amounts of weight. You can lose five to ten pounds relatively quickly, but often your body will stabilize on the new number and then you may find it very hard to get lower for months, so continuing to try new things is helpful.

You will yo-yo between 3 and 5 pounds all the time. That is standard. So think in five pound increments in any direction, because your bodyweight is constantly in flux over a few pounds. For this reason, weighing once a week is a lot more accurate than weighing every day and will cause a lot less despair and frustration.

We are not vegetarians at all. We cannot offer any thoughts on a vegetarian diet.

Whatever you do, food-wise, has to be part of your ordinary life. Short term diets set you up to fail. Changing your lifestyle is what will produce long-lasting changes.

Also, some of the things my husband and I try, in some ways, appears to walk the line of eating disorder. I’m watching it very closely with that in mind, and I still don’t think it falls into the trap. Sergey and I do not have enough activity to burn off all the food with take in, so we’re trying things to decrease our food intake AND increase our activity, so that we reach a reasonable balance. But people who have (or are tempted by) eating disorders need to take care, and I would recommend not reading this post or else proceeding with utmost caution.

Obviously not all of the things we do are feasible for everyone, but maybe even hearing some of our ideas might spark a different way of thinking about food and being active for you.

One Meal a Day

Three meals a day makes a lot of sense if you’re doing hard labor all the time. It doesn’t make as much sense if you have a desk job or take care of a house as your main occupation. So the first thing we did a few years back is cut down to one meal a day. It could be anything at all, but it had to be just one meal. That alone dropped us both about 10 pounds down. We’d have one meal around lunch, and later in the evening we would share a large bowl of some sort of fruit (like tangerines or cherries). The aim was to eat things that were both good and filling. Variation keeps you from getting bored and abandoning the lifestyle.

Meals were often grilled salmon or home-warmed burgers (lean, when we could) or a soup from Trader Joe’s. Some of our meals now:

Two burgers with lean beef patties, pickles, and some mayo on bakery fresh onion rolls

Lox (with is VERY low cal, if expensive) on onion rolls with tomato and onion, a little oil and pepper and salt

Sharing a whole roast chicken from the store, plus a roll each

Large can of tuna mixed with a little mayo on two onion rolls

Shredded chicken and mashed potatoes from the store’s fresh packaged food section

Pot roast and mashed potatoes from the store’s fresh packaged food section

Meatballs. Just meatballs.

A spicy beans/rice/sausage/mushroom dish we brainstormed that we make in a pressure cooker

Home-made chicken mushroom fettuccine alfredo. Not super healthy, but hot and homemade. (this is a “maintenance” meal, see what I mean by that later)

A bag of chicken fried rice from Trader Joe’s

Soup from the grocery store (not the canned kind, but the fresher ones sold by the store)

Two larger sized tamales

One frozen pizza (inspect the full calorie count, you’re shooting for something between 600 and 1000 calories total, which does exist but it takes some looking and experimenting with types) whose flavor can always be spiced up with extra mushrooms or garlic powder. Not the Tostino’s or Party pizzas. I promise there are healthier, tastier, and more varied pizzas to be had in this calorie range.

Chicken breast or chicken thigh meat is sold frozen. Cook that and make that into sandwiches for very lean, filling meals. Use of various spices encouraged.

A tray of baked “catfish nuggets” which are chunks of catfish cooked in the oven

A tray of baked white meat chicken nuggets

Cocktail shrimp (thawed from frozen) with cocktail sauce

I have just broken into the frontier of omelettes, also low-cal and filling in conjunction with onion rolls.

Sergey would often go to a salad bar and load up on the salad, then also load up on the chicken noodle soup which is very filling and very low cal.

Sergey eats his meal closer to noon or one. I try to eat my meal around 3 or 4 if I can hold out, because then I’m not groaning about how hungry I am in the evening or being kept up by hunger pangs. For me, that’s the mid-point of the day and the one that helps me deal with hunger best.

Snacks and Sweets

Snacks are always tricky, and large bags of anything salty are automatic failures in this house; we are incapable of portioning them. So we stopped getting them unless we acknowledged the truth to ourselves, which is that one bag is one serving size no matter what the back says (i.e. we embraced that we’re being bad and got it anyway).

For a while Sergey and I had an occasional bowl of non-buttered popcorn with powdered salt. This worked for a bit because it was pretty filling, but Sergey found himself making multiple bowls so we had to stop because that defeated the purpose.

Some stores sell very small snacks individually portioned, like a tiny foil pack of variously flavored olives, or banana bites coated in cacao, etc. Those are great. Rice cakes can be good, though I get tired of them after a while. I like the cinnamon apple and chocolate ones best. Speaking of cinnamon apple, individual oatmeal cups are good too. I aim for around 140 cal for a snack.

Sometimes I will snack on a lean burger patty or chicken thigh-meat piece, each of which is about 70 cal.

By himself, Sergey often would (and still does) fill a large bowl full of small quartered tomatoes mixed with pepper, oil, and onion. He can put away two of these tomato salads a day as “snacks.” He says they’re very filling, good for you, and low-cal. He’s leaning more on bowls of baby carrots and sugar snap peas these days. Sometimes he will make a large bowl of Golden Apple slices to chow down on.

I keep NO ice cream in the house. I may get a larger quantity for a birthday celebratory binge, or use individual containers as a reward system, but I never “stock up” on ice cream. Birthday? Maybe 4 of the personal containers of various flavors, and that’s it for my birthday treat. Reward system? Once I get to a certain weight, I allow myself to have one small personal container of ice cream (or my other favorite, a jar of honey pecans) a week. The incentive to get to a certain weight balances out the slow-down on the weight loss the treat causes, because this can’t be all about deprivation or I couldn’t sustain it. Being able to sustain a way of eating into a lifestyle is a huge deal.

I keep dried cranberries in the cabinet. Sometimes if I’m hungry and need to hold out, I’ll grab one handful of those to eat. I keep larger quantities of oatmeal too, but I’m not sure if that’s working against me or not, because I dump high quantities of honey in to bring it up to my sweet tooth standards so it might end up being a bad thing for me. I haven’t sat down to figure that out yet.

I make a mean chunky cinnamon applesauce that is a delicious and pretty healthy snack, too, when I have the energy to make it.

I would like to make sweets all the ding dong day, but it works against us, so I have to reserve my sweets making for when there’s a large group to share them with. Otherwise we would eat all of that ourselves.

Tools that help

Making your own food at home becomes a lot more enjoyable and feasible for low-energy people like us when there are tools that cut back on the effort it takes. To that end

A good 6 qt pressure cooker does everything a crockpot does, but it has more options and is faster.

A good food processor can do almost anything, from applesauce to milling oats to slicing veggies to finely dicing the onions you don’t want to deal with, to making ice cream out of frozen bananas and cocoa powder. We have an older one and it still does wonders, even though some of the latches don’t work right.

A good indoor grill machine.

Electric mixer/beater. The effort of making cookies goes down by a third to a half the personal energy cost when you use this, plus the process goes faster and the texture is so much better.

A dishwasher. A good dishwasher means you aren’t spending a ton of energy cleaning up all the dishes you soiled just making food. Did you know there are portable dishwashers that hook up to your sink if you don’t have one in the home? I just learned this...

This one heavily depends on how much you’d use it, but it can be very inexpensive to get an electric citrus juicer. I can go through about 40 lemons for a party-sized quantity of lemonade and it wracks out my wrist to do that manually, so I got a good one for about $20.

This website is one Sergey uses to see what products are legitimately good, because Amazon is starting to have major issues with fake reviews PLUS Chinese knock-offs getting passed off as the good product. This site user-tests a ton of different brands of the same product and tells you which one they found to be best and why, then gives a few runners up in other categories like price or different type. I used this to find a good set of salt/pepper grinders, a good knife sharpener, and an individual serving coffee maker. I also found my electric mixer and citrus juicer on here.

Also, pickling things is fun and very cheap and easy.

A few radical things

This is our lifestyle, not a diet. We go crazy with our eating when we’re on a trip, but normal, everyday eating is the one-meal-a-day plan for us. Going to a friend’s place for a meal is a balancing act that we often fail (because it’s often all-you-can-eat), but we’re already brainstorming ways to compensate.

Here’s for something radical sounding, to be handled with care. While Sergey aims for around 1300 calories a day, approximately, I aim for under or close to 800. I’ve found that if I eat the same things as him, I maintain my current weight but do not lose any. It’s when I, the smaller and less active person, undershoot him, that I start gaining ground. When I reach the weight I’m aiming for, I will allow myself more leeway to get to his calorie intake level, because that’s “maintenance” level for me.

Here’s the current thing we are testing, so the results are not in yet. We’re doing this because neither of us has been able to budge our weight for a while. It’s a combination of factors so track with me. We like a place called Star Cinema Grill which is a movie theater that serves you a meal and/or drinks while you watch the movie. But even for one meal this is a very high calorie day if we go there. We swore off going for a long time, until their marketing department sent out a wave of “Two free tickets!” in the mail. Sergey figured that he would go, and then he would not eat for 48 hours to make up for it. I was a little concerned by the idea, but after thinking it over for a while (with the concern about eating disorders in mind) it didn’t actually seem that unreasonable. So I joined him in this. So now we’ve worked out that we can go to Star Cinema Grill on occasion as long as it’s followed by a 48 hour fast.

We had previously tried 48 hour fasts (which consist of, for example, eating lunch around noon on Sunday and stopping food until lunch on Tuesday, so that you sleep through much of the 48 hour period) but we first did the fast on ONLY water. By the second day we were both so lethargic and unfocused that we could hardly function. This time we allowed ourselves to have several rounds of tea or mocha throughout the day. That time, we experienced very negligible energy drops and made it through the period of no-eating with a lot less suffering.

NOW. I was reading Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner, the expanded and revised edition, and at the end they included several articles they had written as bonus material. Please read this article to understand where I’m going next.

Excited, I rushed over to Sergey to make him read this bit. This is already sort of what we had been doing. Though this guy had distilled it down to sugar water, tea with a cube of sugar isn’t much different. My mocha had about three times the sugar, but was still on the very low end of calories for a day. So this idea (that sugar-water helps trick your body past hunger) was being confirmed for us by someone else. So we’ve decided to test out doing this 48-hour fast once a week, which may also allow for re-inclusion of things we tend to forgo more often (like weekly ice cream? Or a fresh batch of cookies?). Stay tuned...

Going out

We built a list of places and categories of how good or bad they are for us to go to. We divided them into Healthy and Healthy Cheat. Bad ones don’t make it on the list so we’re not tempted when we’re thinking of where to go out.

Healthy Restaurants are places where, if you’re reasonable with your choices, you can eat pretty much any one meal on their menu. (Lemon Shark is our Poke place in the area. Poke is unreasonably good and healthy and filling for you, and most will have vegetarian or cooked options on the menu if you don’t like raw fish. Jinya is a ramen place, though you have to be a little more selective about because some dishes are two meals’ worth, and Sweet Tomatoes is a salad bar also known as Souplantation in some regions)

Healthy Cheat Restaurants are places where we know we’ll probably eat more than we should, but the food is still relatively healthy. Tokyo Grill and Dimassi’s are both buffet places with relatively healthy options near us. Fukuda Sushi is our sushi go-to for now (though we’re looking to replace it as the fish quality went down).

Avoid most all-you-can-eat places like the plague, unless it’s a salad bar. Even then, if you gravitate toward the breads and creamy soups like I do, just say no.

Places we love that are also pretty bad for us on any kind of regular basis: Rudy’s BBQ, Star Cinema Grill, Wine Tasting Room (large meat and cheese platters), anywhere Italian.

Being Active

We took up Krav Maga, which had us doing off and on rigorous exercise for an hour twice a week. That went on for about a year. After I broke my toe, we switched to a home exercise regimen.

Instead of home exercise equipment, we opted for DDR pads, and have been doing hour-long DDR sessions most mornings. After an hour long workout (25 songs on easy-to-medium levels) we each do 20 crunches and then Sergey does extra burpees or push-ups. As the crunches get easier for me, I will be adding five at a time. I’m up to 30 now. Crunches were initially added to help me maintain the muscles that hold up a weak place in my spine, however now it’s also a good end-workout routine. I cannot get through all this without frequent water breaks because I drip sweat, and Sergey turns into a waterfall.

Sergey has added about 3-5 extra mini-workouts (a set of pushups or burpees) sprinkled throughout the day.

Some days we go to a park in the morning and walk for 30-50 minutes instead of DDR. It’s less strenuous, but a nice change of pace and scenery.

Some days we go kayaking in a nearby waterway, which REALLY works the arm muscles that day, but it’s a fantastic workout. We keep saying we need to go more often, but often forget.

Failing

It’s going to happen. It’s going to feel miserable. Sometimes I have found myself up at three AM, unable to sleep, making myself another whole frozen pizza or eating all the spaghetti leftovers. Sometimes I can talk myself into something slightly better, like a bowl of oatmeal, but not often. Sometimes I’ll just mix white and brown sugar, butter, and raw oatmeal and eat this lump-of-barely-cookie-dough as is. Sometimes I come home from the grocery store with an entire round loaf of bakery bread and eat it, much to Sergey’s fascination and surprise. One time I scooped one out and filled it with clam chowder and ate my own homemade bread bowl. It was great. It was also way over my limit.

Sometimes “failing” is known and expected, like around the holidays or birthdays. It’s okay to celebrate. Food is a very social and emotional experience as well as a sustenance deal. Keep picking yourself back up and trying again.

Sergey, who is SUPER good at distilling core concepts, adds his own TLDR:

On Losing Weight

Dusty and I have both struggled with overeating. For me, there have been sad times when plowing through a huge meal may have been the happiest 20 minutes of my day, and it’s no surprise that I would resist any attempts to eliminate that. However, I’ve found that losing weight and getting healthier leads to better moods and reduces the frequency and severity of impulses to binge.

Whatever you do must be incorporated into your lifestyle—if you are “going on a diet,” then you are setting yourself up to fail. If certain behaviors become part of your ordinary day, and you maintain that for months at a time, it’s much more likely that you’ll be able to keep going.

The most important change I’ve made is limiting myself to 1 meal a day. After a short adjustment period, I feel only a little bit hungrier than I did with 2 meals a day while consuming half the calories. That meal should be a reasonably-sized meal (typically 800-1200 calories for men, 600-900 for women), not an extra-large one. If I get hungry again, I only allow myself some very low-calorie snacks like carrots, sugar snap peas, or tomatoes.

The second thing I did was institute a daily exercise program. Dusty and I start each morning with an hour of DDR when we can, and I stop what I’m doing every 3-5 hours to do a set of 20 burpees. As I gain strength, I plan to increase this number. We also go for walks or go kayaking when the weather and our moods allow. What’s most important is that you do something to get your heart racing and get sweaty, and that you do it every day.

The last thing I did was institute occasional 48-hour fasts. For example, I would have lunch on Monday and not eat again until lunch on Wednesday. If I have tea with light sugar during a fast, I only feel moderately hungrier than I would otherwise. It’s much more tolerable than I thought it would be. There is considerable research suggesting that intermittent fasting is good for you, and it can be a reasonable way to offset the binge you couldn’t resist having. It’s definitely a healthier approach than purging, which hurts both your body and your soul.

[thatstrangekid63]

My Pre-Top Surgery Prep

Hi Guys! This is going to be a long text post about my pre-top surgery prep that I am currently engaging in. 

So, for those of you who saw my recent post, I am currently scheduled for my top surgery consultation. Although my surgery is still a long way out, I’m going to start preparing for everything now for a few reasons. 

The first reason is because I’m so excited. I’ve been waiting for this first step since I was 15 years old. Nearly 10 years of research and squashing the twins to my chest in the mirror, I can almost feel my full sternum beneath my fingers. I’m so close! That vision in my head really sparks a fire in me to meet my goals and make that top surgery reveal one of the best days of my life.

The second reason being because this surgery is important to me and my health. I feel strongly that its important that I stay motivated to keep earning money 6-7 days a week, working out 3-5 days a week, and eating healthy. Two of my younger brothers joined the Marine Corps and for a while when I was considering following them, I trained with the recruit station and learned how important it is to be motivated and committed when you want something. As my recruiter told us every work out, IT PAYS TO WIN. I have committed to getting this surgery and therefore intend to give 200% to all aspects of my personal surgery preparation.

This is the basic outline for my goals before surgery:

- BE ABLE TO FINANCE THE WHOLE THING MYSELF  - TO REACH A WEIGHT OF 170 (ultimate goal is to lose the round of my belly) - TO STAY TOTALLY EXCITED AND MOTIVATED UNTIL THE DAY OF

FINANCE

In the past three months, I’ve been learning a lot about financial health. I’ve learned that being financially weird is better than doing what everyone else is doing. I’ve read and followed the plan set by Dave Ramsey Solutions and their book Total Money Makeover, which I would personally recommend to anyone whether you’re trying to finance your surgery or if you’re just sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

The first step I intend to complete before surgery is called Baby Step Two: pay off debts. I have very little debt considering my age, but that debt is still eating away at my financial health and needs to be cleared before surgery. The second step is called Baby Step Three, a fully funded emergency fund. 3-6 months of expenses saved away in an accessible savings account. With both of these tasks completed well before surgery, I will have financial peace about financing my surgery, even if i have to fund it fully on my own. Now, I am going to assume that my insurance will not cover it (although my doctor suspects it is very likely that they will cover it) and therefore the third step will be to have the full surgery amount set aside. This step is set aside for last because I wont know how much I need until I have the surgery details completed (including top surgery letter, consultation, and any further paper work or appointments required). 

To do this, I’ve taken a second job delivering for DoorDash. My regular job does not provide me with enough money to meet my financial goals, and the only place to go when you need money is to work. DoorDash is really enabling me to work whenever I want (which is often), and i find the work to be sustainable. Although it adds miles to my car and i need to pay for gas, the money I make is enough to pay for both gas and maintenance on my car and still have plenty left over. I can work long hours 5-6 days a week without exhausting myself leaving room in my energy budget go to the gym and finish my chores. 

LOSING WEIGHT

I want to start out by stating that this is my personal goal. For me, looking healthy is as important as feeling healthy because to me they are the same. This may not be true for you. Your personal health is valid however you may be doing it. Your weight is valid and you are beautiful just as you are and don’t let ANYONE or ANYTHING tell you otherwise.

For my personal goal, I want to lose 20lbs before surgery. To do this, I’ve set a calorie budget and a work out goal because I want to meet this goal in the healthiest way possible. For the duration until this goal is met, I will be eating a lot of veggies, fruits, and lean meats. My calories are calculated by a calorie budget app, so I can get an accurate idea of how much I’ve eaten in a given day. I will also be lifting weights 3-5 days a week based on availability following a work out pattern I learned at the Marine Recruit substation and from youtuber Chris Heria. It’s a lot of cardio combined with lifting body weight. I’ve also mixed in some free weight movements I’ve learned from author Greg O’gallagher and youtuber Allan Thrall. I know that if I stick to my program I can meet this goal before the surgery date (whenever that may be). 

The reason I want to lose the round of my belly and love handles is so that on the day when I see my chest for the first time after surgery, I want nothing to distract me from the whole experience of being free of my biggest physical insecurity. I want to look in that mirror for the first time no longer seeing myself the way I wish i was, but to see myself and see only myself exactly as I am. I’m not expecting perfection because my personality tends to seek out imperfections, so naturally I will find something that needs improvement. Although I don’t expect everything to be exactly ideal, I do intend to really build on that reveal moment and polish it to the best of my ability. 

STAYING MOTIVATED

To stay motivated, I need to take a hard look at my environment and really engineer the space I occupy to keep my head where it needs to be. The first thing is to be thankful for the opportunities afforded to me. Counting my blessings and keeping a positive attitude is essential to all the work that I’m going to be putting into this. This is going to be a long and tedious process which will take a lot of growth on my part to complete. The vision in my head is so clear and I can close my eyes and see my chest already. Ten years of dreaming and waiting makes the reveal seem so much closer. 

Although counting my blessing is important, I’m not against a few more logs on the fire. Top surgery reveals and post-op videos on youtube have always kept me in the right head space when I’m feeling low body confidence. I’ve also discovered that motivational speeches on youtube (especially while working out) have really been the difference between making or breaking me when wading through rough waters. My favorite are the speeches done by Will Smith, who is an actor that I both respect and admire. He reminds me that the greatest gifts in life are placed on the other side of fear and that failing is a necessary catalyst to success. Some of his speeches have really shaped the way I cope with difficult times and heavy stress, showing me that no matter how hard I fall, I can get back up again if I just decide that I will.  

IM GOING TO DO THIS TOP SURGERY THING AND BY GOD I WILL CRY SO HARD AT THAT TOP SURGERY REVEAL, MARK MY WORDS. 

[goosegoblin]

should i let my university know about my history of anorexia before i relapse for good, or is that 'oversharing'? i also don't want it to seem like i'm lying about it for scholarship $ or sth, which some professionals have accused me of (common for woc, ime). & how do i avoid relapsing when i'm far away from my safety group (not much $ for therapy)? what's the difference between healthy hunger + restrictive eating? thank you so much in advance 💕 (2/2)

Hi, love! I’m going to pop my answers below a read more because I wrote a lot, haha. Unfortunately I did not get 1/2 of this, so please do re-send if you think I’m missing important details.

i also don't want it to seem like i'm lying about it for scholarship $ or sth, which some professionals have accused me of (common for woc, ime). 

 I am.... genuinely fucking outraged that anybody would dare imply that about you. What the sweet jesus hella fuck? That’s gotta be an example of privilege if I’ve ever seen one, because I’m a lily-white ex-anorexic and I never had anyone say anything remotely that shitty to me. God fucking damn. Thank you for bringing that to my attention so I can spread the word and help people fight against it. God, is there even an anorexia scholarship/ money associated with it? That doesn’t even sound right. Christ.

should i let my university know about my history of anorexia before i relapse for good, or is that 'oversharing'?

You should definitely let your university know. Most universities are now aware enough about mental health to have systems in place to support students, but they can only do that if you tell them you’re struggling.

 Does your uni have a disabilities/ special needs department? Often they also work with mental health issues, which people aren’t normally aware of. You could also see if you have a counselling department, or even talk to your head of course or a tutor or a lecturer you trust. I promise you: you won’t be the first, or the last, or the only. If your uni is half-decent, there should be procedures in place.

The big question, I suppose, is what would you like out of the university support? It’s okay if you don’t know. Some things I’ve been offered/ had include deadline extensions, mitigating circumstances (basically a note next to a grade that says ‘was struggling with external issues at this time; please take this into consideration when marking’), time off of university to focus on recovery, counselling with the university counselling service, referrals through the university medical centre to eating disorder clinics, physical monitoring at the university medical centre, 1:1s with tutors/ course heads to check I was doing okay...

)& how do i avoid relapsing when i'm far away from my safety group (not much $ for therapy)?

That’s really tough. I’ll suggest/ mention a few things, and I’m sorry if some are out of reach or inappropriate- hopefully one or two will be able to help.

contact eating disorder support helplines for advice and support

join online support forums or groups- make sure you find one that focuses on recovery and, ideally, is tightly moderated

stay in contact with people from your old life. Phone them, skype them, write to them, meet them if possible.

consider asking a friend to help hold you accountable. This can be tricky, because you don’t want to end up in a codependent situation, but sometimes getting someone to ask ‘did you eat lunch today?’ can help you stay on track

if you’re weighing yourself, please try and get rid of your scales. if you’re calorie counting, please try and stop. do not enable these destructive behaviours. ‘i’ll just weigh myself once a week’ quickly escalates. i’ve met a lot of people who claimed they were counting calories to ‘ensure they ate enough’, but i’ve met very few who truly used it for that purpose.

if you are on MFP or a similar calorie counting site, delete it. even if you aren’t ready to drop calorie counting, drop the website. please.

try and find hobbies or interests that aren’t linked to eating or exercise. taking up writing and fandom helped me find a sense of self i had completely lost in my ED, and gave me something to build back up on. you are a person outside of your ED: what type of person are you? what do you like? what do you want? i really can’t stress this one enough.

make a list of reasons why you want to recover. re-read it regularly.

read accounts from people who have fully recovered. see how happy they are. see how much better life is. use this to motivate you.

throw out any old ‘thin’ clothes. buy larger ones if necessary. if you have a dress hanging around that you know you won’t fit if you gain a few pounds, donate that dress. it isn’t helping you.

develop a routine and stick to it. in the long term, flexibility around food and eating is a vital part of recovery, but in the acute phase routine and regularity is incredibly helpful. 

look up sliding scale therapy, free/cheap online therapy and eating disorder support groups in your area. the latter are normally free to attend.

differentiate between a lapse and a relapse. a lapse is a temporary blip that you move past. a relapse is a full-blown retreat/fall back into anorexia, often at least partly intentional. you have the power to not let a lapse become a relapse. 

 what's the difference between healthy hunger + restrictive eating? thank you so much in advance 💕

Oh boy, that’s a tough one! So different people will have different stance on this, basically. Mine personally is that some degree of hunger might be expected on a weight-loss diet, but on a maintenance plan and especially for someone with a history of restrictive eating, hunger shouldn’t really be... A Thing. You should be hungry before meals and then you should eat the meal and not be hungry any more. If you’re finding that you’re hungry a lot of the time, you aren’t eating enough. 

If you’re concerned about overeating, or you struggling to differentiate between physical hunger and food obsession (been there, done that, got the t-shirt)? There are a few tips that can help. My standard was that if I wanted a snack when I knew I’d eaten enough (that is a hard thing to know! this is late-game advice!), I would drink some water, do something else and wait ten or fifteen minutes. If I still wanted it, I was hungry. If I didn’t, I’d just been bored. That’s very relevant to me as a person with ADHD and who had food obsession issues- it might not be as relevant to you.

Think of it this way: if you need to pee, you probably use the toilet, right? If you’re thirsty, you probably drink some water. Treat your hunger like you treat these urges. You’re basically a slightly more complicated Sim.

I hope this helped. Feel free to ask any follow-up questions you might have, either on anon or not. I’m really really proud of you for reaching out for advice- hang in there, my love.

xxxxx

[chestnutpost]

Former Nickelodeon Star Jennette McCurdy Opens Up About Her Eating Disorder

This post was originally published on this site

Note: This essay contains discussions and images that may be triggering for some readers.

In support of the recent National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, I’m coming out about my history with disordered eating, which I’ve never publicly discussed before.

I’d thought about sharing my story a few times in the past. Once I was asked to write an article for The Wall Street Journal on beauty and body-shaming. Initially I toyed with calling the piece “I Threw Up Three Minutes Before I Wrote This” and opening up about life in the trenches of bulimia, but ultimately I decided against it. It felt too vulnerable to talk about something I was struggling with (not to mention that I had recently written an article about my mom’s battle with cancer and I was self-conscious about coming across as one big cry for help).

But now I’ve been in recovery maintenance for two years. I’m no longer actively engaging in disordered eating. After spending a lot of time in therapy working on myself and confronting what I’ve experienced, I finally feel like I have the perspective required to write about what I’ve been through and maybe ― hopefully ― it might help someone who is going through the same thing feel less alone. (Plus, it’s been a good few years since mom died, so my quota for trauma sharing is ready to be refilled.)

My disordered eating started when I was 11. As a child actress working in Hollywood, I quickly learned that remaining physically small for my age meant I had a better chance of booking more roles. Unfortunately, I had a trusty and dedicated companion ready to help me with my burgeoning anorexia: my mom!

Courtesy of Jennette McCurdy Me, my mom and my brother in 2004 having dinner at a restaurant where you could meet Disney characters. Our trips to Disney were always so complicated for me. I loved Disney and wanted to be able to just enjoy it, but instead I’d spend the days leading up to the trip looking up the menu, planning exactly what I would eat, calculating the calories I’d consume, and starving myself as much as possible to “save room” for the “big meal” ― at which I’d wind up restricting myself anyway. At least I always got a hug from Baloo!

I don’t hold this against my mom at all. I don’t think she could help it. Mom had been hospitalized for anorexia on several occasions when she was a teenager and I’m not convinced she ever overcame her disordered eating. When I was growing up, the only dinner I ever saw her eat was a plate of steamed broccoli and cauliflower with a single pinch of garlic salt for flavor.

I always remember feeling that my mom really struggled with my body, weight and diet. She’d regularly compare my size to that of other girls. She’d portion out my meals for me. She’d help me count calories.

At the time, instead of being bothered by her suggestions, I remember thinking that she was actually helping me ― that she “got it” more than the other moms ― and that she wanted me to be successful.

“Are you sure you want ice cream? You’ve already had 900 calories today,” she’d remind me as I yanked open the freezer door. I’d pause, rethinking my decision, and then I’d lose my grip on the door and let it shut slowly as a wistful expression crossed my face. That’s mom, always looking out for me.

I didn’t really recognize that my mom was aiding in my disordered eating until one night riding home from dance class when I was 12. She turned around to face me from the front seat and said, “Angelica’s mom is really concerned about your weight. She said she brought it up to the other dance moms and they’re all worried you’re too thin. They’re thinking about calling to get you help.”

She paused. I processed.

“If anybody asks, just tell them you’re eating normally,” she directed.

Courtesy of Jennette McCurdy Me with my childhood friends Danielle Chuchran, Dylan Meyer, Megan, Tessa, and Caitlin Meyer at the Young Artist Awards in 2003. I was 12 and really struggling with anorexia, so any sort of social eating like at this luncheon was genuinely my nightmare. The woman sitting next to me at our table noticed I was fiddling with my roll instead of eating it and commented loudly, “You haven’t eaten a thing!” I seethed with anger that this woman almost blew my cover as a closeted anorexic.

I nodded numbly, piecing it all together as mom turned back around and made some comment to herself about how she really hoped we made it home in time for the new episode of “House” and how Hugh Laurie was a great actor and you just would never know he’s British.

In retrospect, that moment alone should have been alarming enough to make me question mom’s support. But even if I had wanted to stop at that point, I don’t think I could have. I was already too controlled by my eating disorder to see clearly what was happening to me. Plus, being small was doing wonders for my career. I booked six roles that year, all for characters several years younger than I was. I made justifications for my mom’s support of my disordered eating and I made justifications for my continuing down the road I was traveling.

At 14, I was cast in the Nickelodeon series “iCarly,” and by the time I was 15, the show was starting to get popular. The stress of having to be “on” all the time got to me. I became even more fixated on food and my body. I monitored every bite I took. I exercised obsessively. I measured my thighs with a measuring tape every night before bed.

When I was 18, my mom was diagnosed with cancer for a second time and this time it was terminal. “iCarly” had become a global phenomenon, I had a record deal with a fancy record label, mom was dying, and I just couldn’t handle the pressures of everything happening around me. But this time, instead of turning away from food, I turned to food. Lots and lots of food.

And so began my binge eating phase. I still tracked, calculated and obsessed about every single thing that went into my mouth, just the same as when I had anorexia. The only difference was that I was eating a lot more. I was constantly preoccupied with food. Nothing meant more to me than my next bite and nothing gave me more shame than my last one. I was in a toxic, self-loathing cycle.

By the time I was 21, I had just signed a deal for a spin-off series starring my character from “iCarly,” I was dating an NBA player, and mom was weeks away from dying. I had also become acutely aware that I was a role model for kids, which I felt like I was supposed to find cool but actually found upsetting. My great “contribution” to society was walking onto an overlit Nickelodeon set shouting lines about fried chicken (my character liked fried chicken) and that’s what kids were looking up to? Granted, we can’t all be Pema Chodron, but there was something about the shallowness of my success that made me resent it. That resentment festered, providing even more fuel for my disordered eating. I actively began to engage in anorexic behavior again.

But this time it was a bit different. Every day I’d try not to eat ― I’d give it my best shot, I really would ― but eventually, my mind and body would cave in and demand food. I would eat … and then I would throw up what I ate.

They say when one door closes, another one opens, and that was certainly the case for me when it came to disordered eating. Goodbye, anorexia; hello, bulimia!

When I first began to vomit after eating, I was honestly thrilled. Are you kidding me? I could eat whatever I wanted and then throw it right back up and avoid the consequences of eating (aka gaining weight)? It was the best of both worlds!

Plus, my disordered eating was reinforced wherever I went and by whomever I saw. I’d lose weight and go to a wardrobe fitting where the stylist would look at me excitedly, wag a pair of double 0 jeans, and happily singsong, “Down a size!”

Or I’d get a phone call from my agent, who would say, “You’ve never looked better. Keep doing what you’re doing.” Thanks, Steve ― little do you know that at this very moment you’re muted while I throw up my spicy tuna roll.

Or I’d be walking across the soundstage lot on my way to a table read and a producer would roll down his BMW window and tell me to “keep it up!” I’d flash my pearly whites (or ― more accurately ― slightly-stained-from-the-stomach-acid whites) and feel proud.

My disordered eating was reinforced wherever I went and by whomever I saw. I’d lose weight and go to a wardrobe fitting where the stylist would look at me excitedly, wag a pair of double 0 jeans, and happily singsong, ‘Down a size!’

Another thing I soon learned about eating disorders in Hollywood was that they can be highly competitive. Highly. Competitive. I encountered countless famous actresses, singers and entertainment personalities with eating disorders and found out there was a kind of “disordered eating hierarchy” in young Hollywood, with anorexia reigning over bulimia.

I’d show up at red carpet events and feel like I was getting side-eyed by girls I knew to be anorexic. They’d look at me with what I believed to be pity and I’d look back at them with admiration. In my mind, they were so poised, so full of control, so disciplined. And there I was, puffy-cheeked and swollen-knuckled from all my purging. I was unable to not eat and unable to keep down what I ate.

I started to feel ashamed that I wasn’t good enough at disordered eating. I’d analyze my bulimia and feel terrible. I told myself that if I were better at this, if I were truly committed, I would just be able to not eat. I was convinced that bulimia was nothing more than poor man’s anorexia. What kind of hack was I?

Inevitably, the shame snowballed and so did the bulimia. Before I knew it, I was having five, six or seven purging sessions a day. By definition of the disorder, I was truly succeeding. And yet my bulimia always felt like a failure ― like I was coming up short of what a true disordered eater could (and should) accomplish.

Mark Davis via Getty Images Me at the Creative Emmy Awards in 2013. It’s scary to me how easy it was to cover up what was really going on. If you throw on a nice outfit and smile big for the cameras, they’ll never know! I really want to help change this by encouraging people struggling with disordered eating to speak openly and honestly about it.

This hellish bulimic spiral continued for three more years. And during those years ― plus the 10 years before when I was wrapped up in other forms of disordered eating ― not one person in the entertainment industry confronted me about it. Maybe my destructive behavior was obvious to everyone around me, but if they were all monetizing the situation ― and essentially me ― then what incentive did they have to try to change it or help me?

The one person who did ultimately confront me was my sister-in-law. I was living in Toronto while shooting the Netflix show “Between,” and she and my brother came to visit me for Thanksgiving. We went out to a nice restaurant where I ate lots of turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce … and then I made my way to the bathroom. I purged and purged and purged, celebrating the Pilgrims’ first harvest in the New World the way I knew best. Then I swung open the bathroom door and came face to face with my sister-in-law.

“You need help,” she told me. And I knew she was right. I felt a strange combination of terrified and relieved ― terrified that someone knew my secret and I would have to face my disordered eating, and relieved that maybe now I would finally get better.

Once I got back to Los Angeles from Canada, I met a therapist named Laura whom I really liked. Laura was a spiritual type who hugged me at the end of every session. She had long auburn hair and wore prairie skirts and used the word “beautiful” a lot ― often after I’d said things that were not even remotely beautiful (which was confusing to me until I realized that she used “beautiful” in spaces where most therapists would say, “I understand”).

I met with Laura three times a week for sessions and she attended particularly stressful industry events with me, since those events were often huge triggers for my bulimia. (Stress + crostini hors d’oeuvres = a bulimic spiral waiting to happen.)

Courtesy of Jennette McCurdy This photo was taken right around the time my mom passed away. I was really struggling with disordered eating and had just dipped my toe in the waters of bulimia. I was absolutely terrified of gaining weight and I would take a photo of myself every morning to compare it to a photo of myself from the day before.

Laura was my plus-one to the 2015 Kids’ Choice Awards. Nick Jonas called me to the stage, I locked eyes with a clapping Angelina Jolie, and I got through my lines. Then I walked backstage to meet up with Laura, who was trying to be discreet about taking a picture of Adam Sandler (she wasn’t very familiar with his films but loved “The Chanukah Song”). She beamed at me as I scarfed down a few sliders. Then she quickly sensed my inner turmoil. We rushed to the backseat of an Uber XL where I began sobbing as Laura made sure that I didn’t throw up. The Uber driver was very confused as I repeatedly wailed, “The sliiiiiiiders!”

Around that time, Laura told me she thought I needed a higher level of care and suggested an inpatient treatment facility in Colorado. And that was when I quit seeing Laura. I told myself I was tired of her spiritual approach, but in retrospect I think it might’ve had more to do with the fact that I wasn’t ready to get better. I wasn’t ready to let go of my disordered eating.

Over the next year and a half, I continued to purge even as I also began to face various come-to-Jesus moments. My throat frequently bled and I popped blood vessels in my eyes from vomiting so much. Once I lost a tooth after regurgitated stomach fluids wore down my enamel. Another time I passed out on my friend’s bathroom floor from dehydration. Finally, I decided it was time to seek help again.

At 23, I was back in Canada working on the second season of “Between” and it felt like the right time to go back into treatment. I met a whip-smart eating disorder specialist, Hank, who used a combination of cognitive behavioral, dialectical behavioral and schema-based therapies.

Hank was not spiritual and did not hug. He dressed impeccably and his hair was perfectly combed. He weighed me at the beginning of each session and gave me homework at the end. He consistently challenged me and urged me to challenge him. When I said something that wasn’t logical, he’d say, “That’s your eating disorder voice.”

I began to face various come-to-Jesus moments. My throat frequently bled and I popped blood vessels in my eyes from vomiting so much. Once I lost a tooth when I passed out on my friend’s bathroom floor from dehydration. Finally, I decided it was time to seek help again.

Identifying my eating disorder voice was the most pivotal aspect of my recovery. I had to learn to understand this thing in and out. I had to recognize that this part of my mind, this eating disorder voice, was not healthy and was not going away. So if I wanted to get better, I’d have to call out my eating disorder voice every single time it popped up. I’d have to confront my urges to obsess or indulge in disordered eating behaviors (which arose hundreds of times every day), work to avoid or correct them, and act based on my recently adopted healthy mindset instead.

Recovery was brutal. It felt like breaking up with a bad boyfriend whom I loved even though I knew I shouldn’t. He treated me poorly, he ruined my life, he consistently devastated me, and yet, without him, who was I really?

Since so much of my identity had been built around the framework of disordered eating, I literally had to relearn how to think in order to rebuild my identity, which was as painstaking and uncomfortable as it sounds. I thought recovery was about walking along white sand beaches with a soft smile while wearing crepe pants ― not sobbing for half-days at a time or falling into a dark hole of depression because suddenly the thing that determined the largest part of who I was for 13 years was now gone.

I had several relapses during my time with Hank and several more even after I finished the program, but Hank warned me about relapses and told me they were totally normal. The important thing was getting back on the recovery program anytime I had a slip so that, as they say in recovery, “the slip doesn’t become a slide.”

Courtesy of Brian Kimskey Me in 2019.

And so far, the slips haven’t become slides. Anytime I’ve had a slip, I’ve gotten back on my program. It’s been two years and I’m doing well, recovering and moving forward. I still get eating disorder urges, compulsions and occasional fantasies. I still hear that old eating disorder voice, but luckily I hear it less and less often. And when I do hear it, I now have the tools to muffle it. So, thankfully, I can now open up about my disordered eating without titling this piece “I Threw Up Three Minutes Before I Wrote This.”

Jennette McCurdy grew up acting and had leading roles on shows like Netflix’s “Between” and Nickelodeon’s “iCarly.” Not totally satisfied with the work she did as an actress and wanting to take charge of her own creative narrative, McCurdy began writing and directing her own projects in 2017. Her first short film, “Kenny,” was featured on Short of the Week and in The Hollywood Reporter, and is an official selection for the 2019 Florida Film Festival, where it’s nominated for the Grand Jury Prize for Best Short Film. McCurdy’s newest short film, “Strong Independent Women,” is about a mother who puts all her energy into helping her daughter overcome an eating disorder. For more about McCurdy, visit her official website, Instagram and Twitter accounts.

Do you have a personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch!

If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

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The post Former Nickelodeon Star Jennette McCurdy Opens Up About Her Eating Disorder appeared first on The Chestnut Post.

from The Chestnut Post https://thechestnutpost.com/news/former-nickelodeon-star-jennette-mccurdy-opens-up-about-her-eating-disorder/

[vanishinggirl333]

"I can't lose weight because...."

- of my genetics

- of my medication

- I have PCOS

- it's dangerous to under eat

- 95% of diets fail

- I have mobility issues

The list could go on, but one thing is the same for all of them. IT'S TOTAL BULLSHIT!

- genetically you may be more inclined to store fat or have a slower base metabolic rate. It just means needing to put more effort into maintaining a healthy weight. If you genetically have an under active thyroid that can be normalised with iodine tablets. No matter what calories in needs to be less than calories out and you will lose weight.

- medication can be a bitch, but there are ways around it. I just write off my weekly weight watcher points to counteract it. It works for me and has allowed me to continue to lose weight. Means each week I consume less calories to account for the fact my meds make my body want to store energy as fat.

- with PCOS my noticeable symptoms really spiralled as my weight piled on. Until then I had a few symptoms but totally regular visits from aunt flo. Suddenly that changed and I went months with nothing. This was scary after 18 years if being regular. An ultrasound revealed I had PCOS. This was one of my triggers to start losing weight as it helps. Sure enough 2 months into my journey my period magically appeared again and is now as regular as I was used to. PCOS does not stop weight loss and weight loss is proven (beyond my experience) to help improve PCOS.

- it can be dangerous to under eat if you don't do it right. That's why people have disorders like anorexia. It is not dangerous to under eat if controlled in the correct way. Just decreasing calories by 1500 a week from maintenance level will result in around 1/2lb of fat burnt. Slow and steady weight loss is much more sustainable and can still provide a fully balanced diet. Weight loss is about lifestyle changes not quick fix fad diets.

-95% failure rate is a myth carried on from a study of 100 people done in 1958. In actuality there is not enough data collected of long term diet success rates. No one knows the true figures. Even still why give up because of that one stat? Surely it's worth striving to be the 5%?

- For mobility issues I have a story. I know a guy with chronic arthritis. Bent over needs 2 sticks just to walk around. Really has limited mobility getting around. This is the same guy who has also lost over 10 stone. The same guy who goes swimming as it's exercise they can do without putting so much strain on their joints. Mobility doesn't have to stop you unless you let it.

There are so many more I could name anď counter against. The general jist is to stop making excuses for not losing weight. It's not impossible and there's so many people who will help and cheer you on your way.

[nookishposts]

A Little Flushed

The car was packed with my portable massage table and gear, everything I would need to provide a day of 30 minute massage sessions at a friend’s business. The idea was to spoil her staff just a little, give them a break in the workday and a big thank you for their contributions to a thriving retail enterprise. I had done it before, it would be a fun day, leaving me tired and well-compensated for my time.

I realised en route to my destination that I had forgotten to pack myself some sustenance. Body work is of course very physical and burns a fair number of calories, but even more importantly, it’s easy to become dehydrated. One of the first things they teach you in massage school is to look after yourself as a practitioner or risk hurting both your body and your standard of care. I had 9 30 minute sessions ahead. Halfway between my house and my destination there’s a very large grocery store, one of a significant chain. It would be no biggie to stop there on my way and pick up some drinks and nibbles from the wonderfully varied lunch counters. Sushi perhaps? Some roasted chicken and salad? Maybe just a wee crudite platter I could pick at between sessions. Juice.Water. And a large coffee of course.

So, I maneuver into a reasonable parking spot amid the comings and goings of university students, Moms, and retirees, and whiz in through the doors. As there are lovely large clean washrooms provided for customers, and I am a ticklish-bladdered mid-lifer who never wastes an opportunity, I trotted in. Business accomplished, I was in the process of standing up and simultaneously pulling up my shallow-pocketed jeans when I heard the distinct “tink” of metal against ceramic. The “tink” of understanding in my brain was unfortunately a nanosecond slower. I actually wailed “NOOOO!” as the goddamned aren’t-we-efficient-auto-flush kicked in. The mechanism was so incredibly quick that I believe I received a second, misty-rising extra rinse not of my own will. Pants still at half-mast, I glanced hopefully behind me, already knowing it would be in vain. I saw only a sparkling bowl. Smug little bastard it was too. I swear.

I stood up finally, adjusting, as one does. My belly felt like it had sagged into my shoes. There was a moment of self-castigation for wearing the wrong jeans mixed with a string a colourful curses that will never reach the ears of the genius plumbing engineer at whom they were directed. The woman looking back at me from the mirror as I washed my hands had that distinct  “Naw, really?” face of the terminally WTF-ed. 

A young maintenance woman was walking by as I exited the facilities. 

“Excuse me, hi. I seem to have managed to drop my car key in one of your washrooms. The auto-flush got to them before I did. Any chance you have a catch basin of some sort in your supply cupboard? Maybe they are caught up someplace we could check?” I know nothing about plumbing and was making up every word in a fantasy of easy retrieval. To her credit, she tried really hard not to smirk, but failed miserably.

“I’ll go get a manager.” she said , shaking her head as she pulled out a phone.

About 3 minutes later, a brisk and well-dressed woman appeared. “How can I help you?” Damn. I was going to have to explain myself again.

“I’m very sorry to trouble you with this but the auto-flush ate my car key. I was hoping you have a maintenance closet or something that catches things before they hit the main drain. I’ll do all the fetching if you can just show me where.” My face was burning. She had no hint of smirk to fight. She just sighed wearily. 

“We will have to call a plumber.”

Oh. 

First I called my friend who planned staff-pampering.“You won’t believe what I just did. Nope, I can’t even get my stuff out of the back and call a cab. Nope, I don’t know how long it’s gonna take. Yep, I know, silly eh? We have to reschedule. I am so so sorry.” She took it with grace and good-natured teasing.

Then I called my Beloved and said: “You won’t believe what I just did..” and as I was explaining myself to my incredulous but sweetly reassuring better half, the maintenance woman from earlier walked by, smirking and snickering. I know my cheeks instantly pinked up again at the sight of her. My Beloved suggested I scoot home and get the (badly dropped and damaged ) spare key which would at least open up the car so I could get my stuff. It wouldn’t actually start the car she said, but it would get me inside.She would look up the Volvo SUV manual online and see if we could figure out how to reprogram it. Good thinking, I guess. I hiked out the the nearest bus stop.

I stood there fumbling for change when a familiar voice interrupted the self-punishment stream of consciousness in my head. “You need a ride someplace?” My old friend C was calling to me from her driver’s window, having just stepped out between appointments with her own clients. She’s a counsellor. Thank you Jesuz for sending this angel in my time of need. C laughed heartily and without apology as I explained. That loosened me up enough to begin to appreciate the absurdities as well, and I think I smiled for the first time that morning. “C’mon, I know where you live and let’s go get that key.” Bless her tender heart.

Back at the grocery store, I ran to the car and et voila, opened the door. But as my Beloved and I chatted back on forth on speakerphone, she with a car manual on her screen and me trying every combination of twists and turns of the ignition, we soon realized it was beyond us both. “Best call a tow truck Sweetie. It needs to go to the dealership.” Which is at least 25 very tow-truck-expensive minutes from where I sat. 

Call made, I headed back into the store in search of coffee and a quiet corner. I made a silly Facebook post in an attempt to lighten up. Not 10 minutes later an old friend from high school tapped me on the arm, grinning broadly. “I just read your Facebook post to my daughter as we were driving here. Did they find it yet?” I grinned and shook my head and she walked away chuckling sympathetically. The plumbing company arrived in due time. I needed to pee again, but oddly enough, there was an “Out of Order” sign on the washroom door, and a growing lineup of very grumpy middle-aged female shoppers.

“Well! Isn’t this terrible?” I said to the first few women. “How about we use the boys room when it’s empty ? I’ll go first and then stand guard for you, okay?” In return I got a couple of raised eyebrows and some grudging nods, but we executed our plan.(Yes, I kept my spare key clenched between my teeth, and I know you were wondering.} It was all going along rather swimmingly until I saw the plumber emerge from the Women’s loo, with the maintenance woman in tow and damned if she wasn’t pointing right at me. And now a lineup of women and men turned their glares in my direction. I was inescapably busted,  in human high-beams.

The plumber, about 14 years old, hitched his drawers and scuffed his size 12 boots as he ambled my way. “You the one that flushed keys?” his voice cracked.

“Well, yes and no. Just one key actually. Looks just like this one.” And I showed him. He gave me such an adolescent “duh” face I could have punched him. 

“No way that got caught anywhere. It’s long gone. Most turds are 3 times that size. I’ll go put the toilet back on it’s mount. No point now.” He scuffed his way back to the Ladies. And Maintenance Girl leaned on her broom, outright laughing. Truly, I guess I couldn’t blame her. When in doubt, be entertaining.

I went in search of the Manager. I apologised for all the trouble she’d gone to, for disrupting the store, and and I thanked her profusely. With a deep breath I asked what the plumbing call would cost me. Her face softened and the Mama-juice in her came to the surface. “Not a thing honey. We have them on retainer. This isn’t the first time.” She patted my arm and walked away.

The towing fella was a tattooed, towering, work of art. Kind and sympathetic he offered to drive me home on his way to the dealership, and Daddy-bragged all about his 15 year old daughter who could strip an engine and re-build it with her eyes closed. I came close to asking him to marry me. Had it not been such a long day, and my Beloved not waiting at home to console and tease me, I just might have.

I have one friend. who also happens to be a massage client, that says all that summer, she thought of me every time she used a public bathroom. That’s fame for ya.

[2spookysan]

i guess i kinda need to post this somewhere, it’s p messy but i just really need it out there... tw: eating disorders For just about the past two years i’ve struggled immensely with heavy calorie restriction and fasting. Skipping meals or severely under eating quickly became the norm in my race to lose as much weight as possible; at first I just wanted to get to my goal weight and then as that drew closer I dropped my goal weight even lower, and then again, and again. Eventually I managed to maintain a weight I was comfortable at for several months without calorie counting, but that was still through restriction and, holy fuck, was my anxiety about food high (and it still is).

At some point last summer I ended up “taking a break” from restriction for a two week vacation, gained several pounds (which was probably mostly water weight), and relapsed quickly into calorie counting and fasting and then it just got worse. I started binge eating, which would lead me to fast for as long as possible and I think many people know how this cycle goes down. 

Constantly I would say to myself that when I got down to whatever arbitrary weight I had set for myself I would slowly break out of the restriction and find a maintenance point. And whenever I managed to do that my body would rail against it; I’d find myself in the kitchen scarfing down whatever I could like a wild animal because, as I’ve realized the past few days, it does not want to be here. 

I’ve been reading quite a few articles and watching at a lot of videos of people that have recovered from eds talking about set points and extreme hunger over the past several days and I was crying my eyes out in bed one night realizing what my body was doing. 

Honestly, It’s very hard to admit to myself but i’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to either have to deal with this horrid binge/restrict cycle for the rest of my life or I’m going to have to try and recover. 

My main support people are away right now but I’m going to talk with them next week, I’m hoping to talk to my doctor soon as well. 

[myquirkylife]

The black and white of dieting is fairly simple: eat less, move more, calories in, calories out. Be consistent and watch yourself transform. Right? Well, generally speaking, yes. But unfortunately, not always. Just like life, dieting is not always so black and white.

Perhaps you know someone that despite training hard, eating at a deficit with properly balanced macronutrients/micronutrients and recovering appropriately, they just can’t seem to lose weight? More often than not, factors at fault include:

“Ghost Bites” – aka those bites of your coworkers dessert, those mindless bites while you prepared your meal, those random bites of various snacks at work, those unmeasured spoonfuls of peanut butter, always eating out and guesstimating, etc. They all add up!

Not Actually in a Deficit – They may not be burning as much as they think they are in their training, therefore, not being in a true caloric deficit (more on this later). Or, eating more than they think they are in comparison to their output. Yes, it is true, sometimes in dieting, to get to a specific goal, you have to be in a lower deficit than you think you need to be in. Harsh truth.

Other than the above factors, there are some that fall in the grey area of dieting. Perhaps you’ve heard folks say, “I can’t lose weight because I have a slow metabolism”? Hell, I’VE said that (thanks, thyroid)! People can have slow metabolisms (soooo many factors that contribute to this), but the most important tidbit of information to take away from this post is: a slow metabolism is NOT a life sentence that you are doomed with forever (or to use as an excuse). There ARE ways to remedy this.

But it takes work. By tracking your intake, you are in control of the calories-in – which is extremely important if you have specific goals. Controlling the calories-out, aside from exercise, is more so dependent on your biology, which is where things can get tricky. The human body is extremely complex, and it is your metabolism (a mega machine of organ function, hormones, energy, etc) that dictates the amount of energy your body outputs in a day.

The thing with the human body is that it is extremely durable and will adapt to extreme circumstances when necessary. Some bodies do this quicker than others (hi). So if you’ve been eating really low calories for a long time, even when combined with hard, diligent training, and you’re still not losing weight, chances are that your metabolism adapted to its current state. No, this is NOT starvation mode. Most people, thankfully, won’t ever experience true starvation. What this means is, your body adapted to its current intake as its “maintenance,” so even though you’re technically not eating much, your body doesn’t think it’s in a caloric deficit, it thinks it is maintaining.

So, how can this be fixed? Reverse dieting! Or, simply getting back to (or figuring out) your true maintenance numbers (macros to eat to maintain weight). This is done so that your body can slowly adapt to eating at higher calories, with minimal weight gain while also increasing your metabolic capacity.

Some argue that there is no need to to do this slowly and you can simply go back to eating at maintenance in a 2-3 week window after a cutting phase (Lyle McDonald, PhD), while others argue that this should be done slowly in a 10 week (or more) window to minimize fat gain and give your metabolism time to adjust (Alan Aragon, Avatar Nutrition, in3 Nutrition, Layne Norton, PhD, Sohee Lee). In my humble opinion, if you’ve been cutting for a long time, slowly increasing your food intake can also help you mentally. Big increases in food in a small time frame can easily lead to binging.

So…all this may sound familiar coming from me, right? Well, that is because I have covered this topic before in The Dark Side of Reverse Dieting. Read that post where I go over my personal experience with reverse dieting (at that point) and the parts of reverse dieting that people don’t like to talk about. Folks love to focus on the group of folks that respond extremely well to reverse dieting such as weight loss and can get their macros upwards of 400g of carbs without gaining but that is not as common as you think.

Okay, so now you’re probably asking, “Well Jo, why are you bringing up reverse dieting yet again?” Sigh.

HERE’S THE DEAL

To put it into perspective, I wrote that post in July 2017 and it is now toward end of April 2018. I was in the middle of a reverse diet that I had began in March 2017. Which, five months in was a record for me! As mentioned in that post, I was notorious for starting a reverse, and at any sign of gain, I’d jump back into a cut. And very recently, I was reverse dieting…again. WHAT?!

So, what had happened was…we had a trip to Costa Rica planned for November 2017 and I did not want to go looking/feeling fluffy (can you blame me?). I was advised against going into a cut just yet, that I should give my reverse more time, then go into maintenance for a bit, and THEN cut. Well, vanity and impatience got the best of me and I compromised on doing a “mini cut” right before the trip. I was warned that cutting a reverse short and diving straight into a cut is not a great idea, but that if I’m to do it, that I should stick to the reverse up until October 2017, then for the month of October, do a somewhat aggressive cut (shock the body in a sense), then get back to a reverse when I return. Well, things did NOT go as planned whatsoever because my body is a difficult bitch (hence why I am writing this long ass post about metabolic adaptation).

Basically, the aggressive mini cut did NOTHING for me. I went from eating about 2200 cals to pretty much 1500 cals (without change in training volume) in a span of about three weeks with no change on the scale or body. The frustrating parts were:

Reverse diet that I spent 6 months on, turned out to be a waste because I was back to eating what I was eating pre reverse diet (perhaps even less) AND at a higher weight than when I began reverse because I’m one of the lucky ones that has some fat gain during a reverse (Note: sarcasm – there should be a sarcasm font)

I was compliant 95% of the time during the reverse and 99% compliant during the cut, so it’s not like I was going YOLO style and overeating

I was diligently training hard in weightlifting throughout

What was done, was done. There I was, right before Costa Rica vacation feeling like…

But I got to thinking…I should NOT be stressing about this during my vacation. I had never been to Costa Rica, it was my first international trip with Migs, and I had spent months planning it. I was determined to turn my shit around and have an amazing time. I planned to mindfully eat but not track my food.

This is just a glimpse at the adventures we had on our 10-day trip living that pura vida:

The trip was phenomenal. We laughed, we ate, we drank, we swam, we did adventure. I couldn’t have asked for a better trip. It took a lot of willpower to not think about what I looked like in this bikini or in those shorts or that dress, but I did it well enough and remained in the moment. Pura vida.

Back to Reality

In my last blog post, I went over exactly what took place upon our return from Costa Rica. Rest in forever peace, my sweet Abuelita.

In that last post, I definitely focused on my training and those lifetime PRs that did make me ever so happy! There’s one major plus from truly fueling my body – getting stronger!

What I didn’t focus on in that post was nutrition and my body, well, because I knew it would take some explaining and it needed its own post to do so.

Anyway, so upon getting back, feeling as discouraged as ever (on top of the emotional roller coaster I was on), I basically just went back to the calories I left off of on my cut and mindlessly stayed there for some weeks until January came around and I stumbled on AHub Nutrition‘s Ashleigh Hubbard on Instagram…and was intrigued. I lurked on her for a while on Instagram from afar. I’d click through and see what her clients were sharing, what she shared, her methods – basically, went down a rabbit hole.

Although I felt Avatar did serve me well, my body just does not always respond as typically as most bodies do and feel it requires more patience than the algorithm allows. It responded well to the reverse overall, but the cut method, not so much, which I know is partially my fault for going from reverse to a cut so quickly. For someone who has a fairly responsive body, I feel Avatar is a great, affordable alternative. But ultimately, it does only base your weekly macro tweaks on your weigh ins (weight + body fat measurement + compliance, and for women, menstruation) without any other factors considered. I figured the time may have come for me to take on a coach again. Someone that can take into consideration not only the weight on the scale but also take into account other measurements such as how I’m feeling, whether I dropped the kids off at the pool, my stress levels, my energy, how I’m recovering, my training changes, etc. I KNOW I could do this for myself but let’s be honest, we’re not always as real with ourselves as we are with others.

What sold me on Ashleigh – because it IS a hefty price tag to take her on, I’ll be honest – is how responsive she was before I even hired her. We DM’ed for about a couple hours the night I finally reached out to her. I asked any and all questions and concerns that I had. I explained my situation, warned her my body is notoriously difficult and I let her know I did not want to go through what I went through before with a previous coach (scroll down). Responsiveness is key with me. Most importantly, don’t brush off my concerns when I have them. She reassured me of all my concerns without giving me blanket responses and added a bonus: her clients have her cell number and can text her with any questions or to just chat.

Time to get to business. Time to make a plan. And she told me what I knew was coming (but was somehow hoping not to come to this). The only way to really get me out of the hole of eating such low calories and not seeing any results was to reverse diet me…AGAIN. Ugh. I expressed my feelings about doing a reverse AGAIN, potentially gaining weight AGAIN, spending months on a reverse AGAIN when I had just spent 6 months on one. I said and asked all these questions, knowing the sad, sad answer already before she even said it. I don’t have much a choice if I want to get my body and metabolism in order. It’s either, remain eating very low calories and lowering them even more with the possibility of still not seeing any change (and have my performance suffer) or reverse diet, but this time go into a maintenance phase, and then cut. And of course, taking into consideration more than just weight on scale the whole time (biofeedback) and adjust accordingly.

Ugh, fine. So here I am. I started the reverse with Ashleigh in January and my reverse just ended a couple weeks ago. From when we started I gained about 3-4lbs – which to some, may seem like nothing. But if you think about the overly aggressive reverse (aka bulkI didn’t ask for) I was put on post op by my previous coach where I gained nearly 10lbs, then the reverse I was very recently on where I had also gained about 3-5lbs (with Avatar) – it sure adds up and IS a lot. I am now on maintenance for the month of April with a week diet (mental) break at the end of the month where I won’t track macros which is also when I’ll be out of town for work. And then, when I’m back in town…

Time to cut! I am hopeful that it will go well this time under the watchful eye of an attentive coach. Another thing I already knew before Ashleigh mentioned it, was that it is very likely that I will ultimately have to go very low in calories due to how my body has responded historically. But luckily, she said she won’t keep me so low for too long and, I don’t have trouble eating low calories when I have to. I more so get frustrated eating low calories and seeing no changes.

HAVE YOU STRUGGLED?

I’m curious to know my readers better. Aside from the common issues listed in this post, have you also struggled with any body goals? Do you feel your body is difficult to change? Did you end up finding what tweaks work for you?

xx,

Jo

The Joys of Metabolic Adaptation #flexibledieting #nutrition #health #wellness #metabolism The black and white of dieting is fairly simple: eat less, move more, calories in, calories out.

[jurgenquick29-blog]

The Cyclical Ketogenic Diet - Not Only A Fad Anymore

If you had been following dieting based on calorie restriction you might miss food to count the correct calories nevertheless, you would not replace that missed meal with additional calories at the larger "break fast" for instance. So you might think you are going to do the exact same thing but a single you could working collectively with your body to trigger fat loss and in the other you would be fighting against your body and it's natural hunger to produce weight decline. In one you will experience a profound sense of well being, an deficiency of hunger having a curious type of symmetry with those who've lived before and who knew how based on hunger. Associated with other you'd be hungry, stage. And miserable. And cross. One should differentiate from a low carbohydrate diet, together Keto Activate Pills diet. A diet plan nearly completely devoid of carbohydrates puts your body into a Ketogenic suggest. Your mouth taste metallic, your brain may function oddly, as well as will lose a loads of fat and pond. However, for the more moderate lifter, a lower carbohydrate diet which still gives you 3-4 solid servings of carbohydrate each day is an affordable alternative. Effective Carbs can be divided into two basic groups: simple and complex glucose. Simple carbs are rapidly changed into glucose the particular body while complex carbs (which, Keto Activate Review mainly because name implies, are more complex in structure) generally a lot more difficult to come to be glucose.

Coffee is often special when mixed with cream. Correct coffee drink can be around Skinny coffee mixed with bcreamy creamer. The naturally produced bcreamy creamer is especially fat cost. It is rich in calcium, dairy proteins and low in glycemic. This contains zero cholesterol with low calorific value. This energy producer is a rejuvenating creation that is fantastic the diabetics. It is not ketogenic and helps in developing brain operation. People. While you are into this sort of diet, may never perhaps not possess difficulties with long-term maintenance. For instance, people who really need larger muscles will still find it easier to do because you could potentially be keeping the right protein ratio and slimming down and perhaps not muscular tissues. It would be impossible to live your entire life on the low calorie diet but you can survive on this course because you're not in a caloric restrictive mode. I could no longer eat like before. We could no longer train hard like preceding. I had no idea what was going on, what attempt and couldn't seem for almost any straight answer from anyone on a few things i should be doing. and yes, anyone included my doctors! If you're eating 6 meals a day, 5 of your 6 meals will contain carbs. Seeking are eating 5 meals per day, 4 of your 5 meals will contain those "clean" carbs. Your last meal on carb-up day Keto Activate Pills diet facts will be zero carbs again. For example, if a food contains 30 grams of carbs and 10 of those carbs are fiber, foods contains 20 grams of net carb supply. It's basically what's leftover after you subtract managed.

[kiwireviewz-blog]

Intermittent Fasting Formula PLR Review Overview

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Discontinuous Fasting Formula PLR Review

Substance [hide]

Presenting Intermittent Fasting Formula PLR

Discontinuous Fasting Formula PLR Review Overview

About creator

What will you get inside?

Is this PLR worth your cash?

How might you bring in cash with it?

Who is it for?

Estimating

Discontinuous Fasting Formula PLR Review Conclusion

Presenting Intermittent Fasting Formula PLR

Following quite a while of broad research and hardwork, the creators have built up this select item on this searing Hot Topic that will give you a bit by bit outline of how to get thinner and keep it off for long haul.

You'll discover all that you have to know to get yourself on the way of Fitness, Happiness, Beauty, and Power. It exemplifies Dead basic and Smart procedures for simple and viable weight reduction.

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This transformational manage contains all that you have to think about "Discontinuous Fasting" – How to begin with Intermittent Fasting, figure out how Intermittent Fasting works, the stunning mental and physical medical advantages, diet conventions… and all the tips and deceives to get the best outcomes out of this eating regimen!

At last this is your go-to fat misfortune outline to become familiar with the quickest method to accomplish your fantasy build by following basic, bit by bit diet conventions. This is your go-to outline to have more vitality, perform at their pinnacle level at unsurpassed with ideal wellbeing and essentialness.

So don't spare a moment to look at the following pieces of this Intermittent Fasting Formula PLR as I'll give you what you will get inside!

Quality - 8.5/10

Highlights - 8.5/10

Backing - 9/10

Simple to utilize - 8.5/10

Reward - 9/10

8.7 / 10

Outline

Experts

Prepared for-advertise deals material for exchanging

You can keep 100% benefits

Hot and evergreen subject from huge specialty that sell like hot cakes

PLR Rights Loaded

Drive in responsive leads on complete Auto-pilot

CONS

The extraordinary offer is just accessible on a constrained time

Irregular Fasting Formula PLR Review Overview

Review

Vendor Yu Shaun et al

Product [PLR] Intermittent Fasting Formula

Dispatch Date 2020-Apr-13

Dispatch Time 09:00 EDT

Front-End Price $10

Bonuses YES, HUGE BONUS

Refund YES, 30 Days Money-Back Guarantee

Item Type PLR

Support Effective Response

Official site Click here

Recommended Highly Recommended

Aptitude Level Needed All Levels

About creator

Yu Shaun

Yu Shaun realizes the stuff to make top notch PLR items and give you all that you have to benefit. You could have caught wind of hhis name through some incredible items, for example, Peak Productivity Blueprint PLR, Morning Mastery PLR, Eczema Fix PLR, and so forth.

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What will you get inside?

Here's a full rundown of what you will get inside Intermittent Fasting Formula PLR:

Module 1: "Discontinuous Fasting Formula" Blueprint, 10,000+ Words

Module 2: Complete Checklist

Module 3: Comprehensive Mind Map

Module 4: High Converting Sales Page and Thank You Page

Module 5: Hypnotizing Video Sales Letter

Module 6: "Discontinuous Fasting Quick Start" Special Report, 4,000+ Words

Module 7: Professional Landing Page

Module 8: Follow-up Email Series

Module 9: Stunning, Professional-looking Graphics

Module 10: License Certificates

What this course covers:

What is irregular fasting – Why is it so famous and how is it not the same as different methods for eating fewer carbs?

The center advantages of irregular fasting.

The irregular fasting equation for quick weight reduction.

Security conventions of irregular fasting.

Step by step instructions to utilize the 16:8 irregular fasting diet convention.

Step by step instructions to utilize the 24-hour "Eat-Stop-Eat" diet convention.

Step by step instructions to utilize a portion of the other famous discontinuous fasting strategies like interchange day, 20:4 and 5:2 techniques.

Step by step instructions to amplify the aftereffects of your discontinuous fasting system.

Step by step instructions to bring irregular fasting into your life and how to begin effectively.

… And quite a lot more holding back to be revealed inside!

In extra, for the initial 50 individuals, the creators will likewise give reward course which covers:

What are the nuts and bolts of weight reduction?

For what reason do we have to get thinner?

Discover how garbage and unfortunate nourishments influence weight?

What is the fair eating regimen graph for weight the board?

What number of calories required for the human body?

Does practice make ready to get fit as a fiddle?

Discover the viable tips for a level gut?

Discover the strong tips for thigh conditioning?

Investigate the activities you can do during your available time?

Discover how to set up and achieve weight reduction objectives?

Investigate the successful locally established weight reduction cures.

Find what the specialists state about getting more fit.

Discover how to lose fat without losing muscles?

Find top 20 misinterpretations about weight reduction.

Investigate the advantages of getting thinner.

Thus significantly more…

What's more, the advantages concoct this PLR:

Prepared for-showcase deals material lessen "Time-to-Profits"

Completely coordinated deals channel Ready-to-Resell

Hot and evergreen theme from large specialty that sell like hot cakes

Rebrand it, exchange it and keep 100% benefits

Drive in responsive leads on complete Auto-pilot

Module one-time and get benefits FOREVER!

What's more, The Fast Action rewards you can't miss!

Reward #1: Weight Loss And Management Goals

Reward #2: Weight Loss And Maintenance Basics

Reward #3: Running For Weight Loss

Reward #4: 28 Fitness and Weight Loss Emails

Reward #5: Fitness Mastery

Reward #6: Fitness Video Vibes

Reward #7: Fitness and Exercise

Reward #8: Empowered Fitness Bible

Is this PLR worth your cash?

The weight reduction specialty is a blasting multi-billion dollar industry. Furthermore, it's EVERGREEN and profoundly gainful for a long time to come. So in case you're still not put resources into the Weight Loss specialty, you're really leaving A LOT of cash on the table, and I don't need you to pass up on this chance.

Irregular Fasting isn't just the "trendiest" weight reduction search term in 2020, it was additionally unmistakably included in an audit article in The New England Journal of Medicine. Rather than setting up your suppers each 3-4 hours with a great deal of nourishment limitations like the vast majority of the "old school" diet plans accessible out there…

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The appropriate response is so basic:

The creators have dealt with all that you have to know to fight and win against your body swell… Now, you should simply download this item, rebrand it as your own, exchange and watch the money swell in your wallet develop exponentially.

With the expanding pace of corpulence and rising wellbeing costs around the world, individuals are frantic for a "Handy solution" for themselves before it's past the point of no return.

There are more than 1.8 million month to month weight reduction related catchphrase look through on the web. Consequently it's extremely certain that how it will influence in any business perspective for coming to focused clients.

When you have downloaded this item and actualized the tips and procedures given, you will encounter the favorable circumstances and advantages of a solid, illness free way of life. This item will be your definitive method to set up yourself as a wellness authority and get faithful clients like a breeze… .

It's a way to numerous, ground-breaking floods of pay and you can transform it into your very own ATM inside one hour from now as it were. Snatch your duplicate and prepare to abound in out of this world benefits.

With regards to internet advertising, wellbeing data item is the way to launch your business to progressive achievement. What's more, we were completely overwhelmed by the new item Yu Shaun brings to the table to the world.

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You can gain such a great amount from this course to improve your wellbeing and way of life or even exchange this worth stuffed course for moment benefits! 

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[cyberstabbing]

Other careers/AUs

So Long - Frank Iero lived most of his life watching from a safe distance, away from the dangers, away from it all, but then some “crazy asshole” decides to come fuck it all up. Whose fault is it really, the crazy ass hole’s or his own? When walls are being torn down, there’s bound to be destruction and bound to be a cost. So who will be the one to pay it? 204k

The Happiest Fuckin’ Place on Earth - Only two kinds of people worked at Disneyland Park, Anaheim, CA: Frank Iero, and everyone else. What happens when our cynical, maintenance-man-with-a-grudge meets new Disney employee, Gerard Way, a starry-eyed Mouse fanatic? 27k

!!! so important. At first I was rolling my eyes and stuff bUT THEN!! WHOO BOOYY. That aside, I really enjoyed how Frank evolved as a person. And the mystery of [retracted] made it impossible to put down, even after reading it twice. Kinda reminded me of Scooby Doo, now that I think of it. 

Envision the Magic - Gerard is a talented magician, responsible for much of the success of the famous Envision Destiny cruise ship. He’s also one of those people. You know, one of those people who just seem to take up all the space they come across with their arrogance and confidence. You wouldn’t wanna touch their personality with a 10-foot pole, but still people admire them.

That is beyond Frank. Working behind the cruise ship bars and seeing Gerard pretty much every day, he can’t understand what’s so great about him. Besides, everybody else doesn’t have to deal with his snide remarks and rude comments. Because if there’s one thing Gerard seems to love, it’s the act of constantly pestering Frank. 69k

Hey Mr. DJ - Frank is a late night DJ, Gerard is an avid listener. 6k

The Life of Dinosaurs - Gerard and Frank are rival hosts of dinosaur nature shows, who suddenly find themselves forced to work together. In order to impress their new boss, cable magnate Grant Morrison, they have to create a season of dynamic shows that maintain their high standards as well as continue to bring in the viewership (and ad revenue).

On top of that, Frank and Gerard have to deal with the unexpected physical attraction they feel toward each other, all while avoiding stampeding ankylosaurs, ravenous theropods, and the occasional amorous pterosaurs. 29k

Two Industrial Loads On Hot - Frank works the overnight shift at the laundromat, partially because it’s easier to push prescription painkillers on the side in the middle of the night, but mostly because there are fewer disapproving old people around to tattle on him for playing The Floor Is Lava on the washing machines. 3k

Faint of Heart - Ridiculous pathology!AUIn autopsy, it is not a matter of life and death, it’s a matter of DEATH AND LOVE! Frank Iero, the new registrar in the mortuary at Mercy hospital, was not expecting autopsy to be sexy, but he also wasn’t expecting his hot new boss, Gerard Way. Featuring Cobra Funerals, sap, death by papercuts and LIFE THREATENING SITUATIONS (that don’t necessarily involve corpses). 14k

High Calorie Prison - Frank honestly didn’t know that getting your hand stuck in a vending machine could end up getting you laid, but the world is a strange and beautiful place. 7k

Life as a Symptom - "I think it’s broken.“ "I think you’re probably right.” 10k

workplace au. cuuuuute.

hotheaded a-hole frank + art - asshole!frank and socially awkward!gerard would make a perfect match. frank blows him off to go drinking! gerard blows him off by saying he’s busy when really, he just spends the night sitting in his room, enjoying solitude. 2k

Funniest thing I’ve read in a while

Gerard Way Is The Definition of 'Jealousy.’ - Gerard Way is a very jealous person, and he tends to be a bit rough when he gets that way. Frank secretly loves how rough Gerard gets when he’s jealous, so much so that he invites his friend over, trying to make Gerard jealous on purpose, just so Gerard would fuck him against the wall. Which Gerard of course, does. 6k

Buy Handmade - He knows something else is going to happen; his life isn’t always going to be this. He just doesn’t know what has to happen for that change to come, for him to wake up and become an artist with an Etsy page and a home studio, and to never have to see a cubicle again. 18k Buy Handmade outtake - Gerard Way is a terrible shoveler

Late Bloomer - Fresh out of high school, Gerard has spent the last four years trying to crush his inconvenient boy-liking issues. He isn’t expecting a family wedding, and the hot punk kid he’s forced into rooming with, to pop his bubble of denial, but Frank knows what he wants. What will it take for Gerard to admit that he does, too? 24k

i’ve been thinking about this fic for a while, since up until now i wasn’t able to find it. so glad i did.

Any Place You’ll Allow (Rogues and Queens) - It’s about three a.m. when the guy comes in, Frank guesses, because he’s just getting the itch for a cigarette but knows he doesn’t have another break coming for a while. The guy is young, although not that young, not a college kid on his first strip joint tour or hazing for a frat, and anyway he doesn’t look like the type. about 20k

Curiosity Killed the Cat (Satisfaction Brought Him Back) - Frank is just doing his job and suddenly he's #hotNASAmohawkguy... 2k

a modern day NASAverse.

The Light from Our Bodies Precedes Us (NASAverse) - The second basement of Building Six at the Kennedy Space Center is not, Frank reminds himself, straightening his shoulders and stepping out of the elevator, one of the more intimidating offices in the NASA compound. It is, in fact, just one workshop out of many, where fabricators test out designs that come from the engineers upstairs--where Frank works. 18k

Part 1 of NASAverse. 

60′s spacedorks with some angst. If anyone knows of some fanart for this, hmu!!

Untitled - domestic fluff n’ smut. 4k (if you include Part 2)

Vacuum - Gerard tries to vacuum. <1k

^ D O M E S T I C

Down And Dirty - Gerard's own beloved cherry-red Harley has pedigree in fucking spades, sure, but she's seen better days, and she just doesn't have the power to outrun Iero and that revolting custom paint job. The matching helmet painted to look like a jack-o-lantern is just too much. 

An AU wherein the boys are dirty bikers, inspired by the recently-released photos from the Japanese Rolling Stone shoot. 3k

Mixed Bathing at Home - AU which can best be described thus:

Bex: it is a pointless AU where gerard writes comics and frank is in leathermouth, but there is no mcr Wax: mmh, aggro leathermouth frank meets gentle frustrated comics gerard? Bex: uh....no Bex: gerard gets his toe stuck in a faucet and frank rescues him. Wax: ... Bex: it's the stupidest thing in the world. Wax: how... how do you-- nevermind, I'll just read it. 7k

Someone ... maybe babylynz wrote this description? Anyway, here: 

Gerard is a hot mess of a comic book artist; Frankie's semi-famous for Leathermouth, but filling in for his friend-the-apartment-super when Gerard gets his toe stuck in a faucet. So fucking cute, and heartfelt, plus bonus points for high school reunion: Gerard kept thinking about it, kept looking at Frank, who was solid and confident and covered in tattoos and played in a rock band and could go to dinner with three strangers and how it seemed impossible that he would ever have been picked on or marginalized or scared in his whole life. Suddenly all the lyrics about hating everyone made a lot more sense. "You never really know," he said, and then realized it had been out loud. Frank was giving him an amused look, but Mikey and Alicia didn't even blink. 

Flight Number 568 - “Men in uniforms has always turned me on.” 3k maybe??​

My Ferry Romance - Socially awkward Gerard meets Frank the Friendly Cafeteria Worker on a ferry one morning. Shenanigans ensue. 19k

Food For Thought - So, okay, Gerard has a crush on the hot guy who works at Subway. No big deal. 8k

Companion - A workplace AU. There’s a dude sitting in one of the high-backed chairs opposite the reception desk. Mostly obscured by a fake ficus plant between them, the guy probably wouldn’t have been noticeable save for the lazy sprawl of his legs, the Chucks contrasting against the floral rug. 33k

quality stuff. felt very realistic!

​This Elevator Only Goes Up To Ten - Gerard gets stuck in the elevator with his upstairs neighbor whom he’s never had a proper conversation with. They then cross off a series of bucket list items in that tiny prison. Frerard porn with plot, basically. 9k

Snowed In - He could never really appreciate how attractive Gerard is when they were skiing, he’s constantly bundled up and covered by his big goggles and scarf. In Frank’s mind Gerard has gone from being “Pretty cute, I guess I’d kiss this guy” all the way too “Oh my god your ass looks so good in those jeans please let me live in bed with you.” 9k

The dialogue was perfect. And I loved the concept!

Skeleton Records - Gerard has a crush on the hot guy at the record store. 6k

In the Chair by the Window - Today your barista is: 1. Hella fucking gay 2. Desperately single

For your drink today I recommend: You give me your number. 5k

Baked Goods Act 2007 - Gerard likes to daydream while he makes copies, Frank invents muffin legislature so he can learn his name 2k

Gerard didn’t actually mind doing the photocopying. It was sort of Zen, the repetitive movements and the muted whirr-flash-click of the machine. It was boring, but at least he didn’t have to talk to anybody while he was doing it, and it gave him plenty of time to daydream about having sex with Christina Ricci.

Catholic!Frank and Artist!Gerard Not!Fic - I'm working on another story where teenage Frank is like, "Man, fuck the Catholic church for telling me I'm not supposed to like cock." And while writing it, I got this image in my head of a different Frank, a Frank who, like, really had faith in God and who was struggling to be the kind of person the church would approve of.

I tried writing it, but quickly realized that it was just way too big for me. Like, if I actually tried to do it justice it would take me years, and I don't really have that sort of work ethic. So it became a not!fic. Yay? 21k

2023 update: here’s some frank fanart that looks like fic!frank in my mind :3

I spent an eternity and a half trying to find the blurb I wrote about this fic, because I am sure that I did. At least I meant to. Anyways. This fic made me smile and giggle and laugh, but it also made me really sad about Frank’s situation. Sure, he has the perfect job and great friends, but he’s also stuck when it comes to love because of his faith and upbringing. That stuck part strongly reminds me of Frank in the fic Septicemia. It really hurts to read about. 

And here are spoilers, I guess: Just ... the pain his mom caused in this fic. All those years of his life spent killing part of who he is. Which maybe he convinced himself didn’t bother him (idk, it’s been a while since my last reread), but then Gerard shows up. Gerard, with his messy hair and honky laugh and his eyes, falling to Frank’s, everytime. And suddenly all those repressed thoughts and feelings rise to the surface, unstoppable. 

(MORE SPOILERS HERE PLEASE LOOK AWAY) I’m still mad about how oblivious his mom was to all of that confusion and guilt and pain. Like, how could she just turn around like that?! Do you know how messed up Frank became from how you reacted to him coming out??! And how you’re going to act all confused and irritated when Frank has trouble sorting out his feelings for your hot artist neighbor????!!!! Man, fuck that. I have to admit though, I enjoy fics that really twist the knife in your gut sometimes, so I’m not really complaining.

'Til I Find a Place - Gerard had finally done what he had to do. He'd gotten out of the basement, and now he had a booth to himself at the Blue Moon Diner, where he could sit and drink coffee all night and calm his jittery hands enough to draw. It was perfect. 12k

​By the Book - Frank Iero, the new English teacher, starts a teachers' book club. Wackiness (and dubious literary analysis) ensues. 10k

They diss Twilight! Twelve year old me would NOT approve. Current me approves.

​A Little Inspiration (Is All I Need) - Disgruntled by his recent slump, Gerard Way, one of New York’s most popular living artists, sets out to find something new to inspire his work. After purchasing a small, cozy cabin just inside the limits of the Pine Barrens, he meets a strange creature who he’s positive should not exist except in fairy tales or mythology. 13k

By the Numbers - Accountant AU! Frank is an accountant, Gerard is an artist. Romcom ensues 7k

Quality stuff.

​Transatlanticism - Gerard’s a comic book writer living in London. Frank works for a record label and has a band in New York. The problem with meeting in the middle is there’s a whacking great ocean there. 20k

​A Latte and a Cookie - The first half a dozen or so times that Gerard stops by the Starbucks closest to SVA, he's so desperate to get the caffeine into his system he doesn't even notice the guy behind the counter. Nor does he pay much attention to the fact that his cup seems to magically refill itself a couple of times while he's hunched over one of the tables and drawing steadily, his headphones on. He's busy, okay — his winter project is due in less than six weeks, and he is screwed. Royally, completely and without question.

The cookies, though. The cookies he notices. He just doesn't know what the fuck they mean. 3k

​I Never Told You What I Did For A Living - Frank Iero, male nurse at Pete Wentz's private hospital and possibly more to one new patient he can't keep his eyes off of. Seven parts.

A Pug Named Kitty - Frank works in a veterinary clinic in Jersey. Gerard is his neighbor; an adorably awkward artist. 9k

Sidekicks - Frank doesn't want to spend three weeks of his summer vacation at Tranquil Maples Camp for Kids. The whole thing feels so juvenile! He's in sixth grade. He doesn't want to spend his days making crafts and walking in the woods... At least Gerard's unique spin on each of their crafting tasks is enough to keep things interesting.

Unfortunately, they don't get long to stay friends. After leaving the camp, Gerard fails to keep in touch and Frank--through years--commits to the idea that he'll never see his old friend again.

That is, until he agrees to be a counselor at a camp during his sophomore year at college and there's a familiar face at the counselor's induction meeting. 12k

I just finished up my interview for a job at a summer camp, and this fic was on my mind during the whole thing lmao.

Nudity is A New Form of Art - Gerard decides that nude is the way to go when he’s at home. And as much as Frank loves seeing his boyfriend roaming around ass-naked, there’s only so much he can take before he decides that pants—at least—are a necessity. 5k

Meetings for the Broken and the Sad - After a worried waitress slips an address into Gerard’s back pocket, Gerard works up the nerve to attend a group counseling session for victims of domestic violence, where he meets Frank, a man so frightened after running away from his abuser that he can’t even speak without stammering. 20k

Meet Me Tonight in Atlantic City - Gerard had every intention of calling out sick today. The last Employee Appreciation Day / Team Building Exercise had pushed him one trust-fall too far, and he'd vowed that was the last team-building activity HR would ever drag him into. Never again. No way.…until this year's activity turned out to be his role-playing kryptonite. 

An AU meet-cute at a Murder Mystery Party set in a speakeasy during the Roaring Twenties. 3k

Hold This Heart and Tie It Tight - Frank hasn't been tied up in months, and it's driving him crazy. So he attends a meeting of the local rope-bondage interest group, hoping to meet someone to play with or at least get a quick fix.

Lucky for him, the group organizer knows exactly what Frank needs--and how to give it to him. 5k

House of Wolves - There's an upper limit to how many wolf cubs any Wildlife Rehabilitation Specialist can be expected to hand rear. Frank passed this number some while ago. Now sleep is a distant memory, clean clothes but a dream, and he's hoping against hope that the handsome guy at the door isn't bringing another cub for him to care for.

A story of wolf cubs, misunderstandings, and love set among the beautiful mountains of New Jersey. 6k

National Geographic Photographer!Gerard and Sleep Deprived Wolf Mom!Frank ... No, I am not kidding. Go! Go read it! 

Looking for Satellites - Galaxy-hopping alien trader Gerard has business on space station Perseus Four. Getting to know station administrator Grant is a nice bonus. 25k

Ship: Gerard/Grant

Gerard is a sexy, telepathic and open minded (heh) alien and it’s great.

All the Broken Pieces (Keep Cool, Stay Tough) - Up until that fateful night, Frank’s had a pretty decent life. But everything’s changed and now he’s got to figure out how to be himself again. With the help of some really groovy friends, Peppers, and his never-give-up attitude, Frank gonna get there. He’s sure of it. 39k

There’s this spectacular scene involving an escalator and Frank making a grand entrance that immediately pops into my head when I think of this fic.

Description by babylynz: OH MY FUCKING GOD OKAY, THIS IS A FRIKEY FIC BUT IT’S SO FUCKIGN GOODJDDJDHHHGHG basically Frank gets in an accident that leaves him unable to walk and it’s a really emotional kinda story (but like .. Idk, it’s lighthearted) about him getting used to everyday life again and he meets Mikey online and they bond over really shitty movies and they meet up and AHH!!! Also Ray is like …. a ,,,, what is it …… He helps Frank get used to having sex again after the accident? He’s one of his therapists idk it’s a really good story, read it.

Ship: Frank Iero/Mikey way

And the Painted Ponies - After years of struggling to be taken seriously as a bodyguard, Frank Iero is finally well established. He loves his boss, Ray, he loves his job, and he prides himself on his professionalism. But then he's assigned to be the personal bodyguard of Mikey Way.

Mikey Way, aka Roboboy, is a successful high fashion model. Loved by designers and the public alike for his trademark lack of emotion, but mocked by the tabloid press for the exact same reason. Mikey is someone that Frank's sure he'll hate. Except it doesn't work out that way. 

In fact, it doesn't take long before Frank discovers he really likes Mikey. Maybe too much. 34k

Ship: Frank Iero/Mikey way 

Hair - Frank's a (little more than) camp hairdresser and Gerard frowns a lot. 7k

A Lap-Dance is so Much Better (When the Stripper is Crying) - Ray—and his ambiguously named friend ‘John’—force a depressed Frank to go the strip club downtown after he’s been broken up with. It’s a shame no one would listen to him when he insisted that this wasn’t just a strip club—it was a whore house. And no, he did not appreciate the lap-dance. 4k

london calling - Gerard feels like his life needs to change, so he moves to London. After years of hard work, he gets a book deal with a press that will finally allow him to write exactly the book he's always wanted to write. When he meets his new editor, Grant Morrison, he's surprised at how much they get along. 28k

Ship: Grant/Gerard

Handtools and Hellos - Gerard just needs someone to finish building his house. Enter Frank, the young, handsome contractor that Gerard certainly doesn't mind keeping an eye on as plumbing goes in and carpets are installed. 9k

Gerard is an accountant with a meddling younger brother. Frank is the best fucking contractor there is. There will be sparks. 

Thank God for Haunted Houses and Blizzards - Frank, a YouTuber on his way to film a video, winds up stranded in the middle of a snowstorm. After seeking refuge in a nearby house, Frank finds himself drawn in by the quiet poet who is his host. Thanks to some awkward flirting, things end up a little steamier than expected... 1.6k

Surprisingly, this was written before Gerard’s song.

crazy mad for him - "Oh, wow," Hot Train Guy says. "That's—wow." 7k

Gerard works for Cartoon Network and takes the same train every morning, the same one Hot Train Guy takes. It’s so cute and they talk online 24/7 (without knowing who the other person is) and. God. I was laughing and holding my breath and at one point or another had to stare at a wall and just *breathe* for ten seconds. Such idiots. I wish them the best. 

Life on the Fashion Scene - This season of Project Runway becomes infamous for reasons beyond the quirks of the designers, Matt P.'s ousting, Pete's apparently crippling co-dependence on Patrick, and the rumored trysts between Mikey and Pete spawned by their formation of the Sweet Little Dudes Club (and the resulting matching t-shirts). 6k | Gen

Oh my god. Oh my. God. See, when I first saw the description I just started laughing hysterically. And then I started reading the first paragraph, just to see how ridiculous it would be. But I couldn’t put it down. So I read the entire thing, got way to invested, and now I’m begging strangers on the internet to read it. ...Please do!!!

Blank Canvas - Short AU where Frank is a tattoo artist, and Ray and Gerard come into his shop so that Ray can get a tattoo. 1.2k

Frank switches his attention to the drawing in front of him. It’s an old-fashioned film reel, waved slightly like a banner, and in the center is intricate lettering Frank can only assume is the film’s title: The Scarlet Hand. It’s delicate but still bold, and Frank’s kind of jealous he isn’t getting this one himself. “You drew this?” he looks at the other guy, who shrugs a little. “It’s really fucking good.”

I fucking love fics where Frank flirts shamelessly with a flustered Gerard, and this fic is no exception to that rule. The Humbug perfectly encapsulates that Frank in this drawing.

From The Corner to The Block - A bike messenger AU. 4k

The comment I left: Oh my god. An AU I never knew I wanted but one I now cannot live without. That was incredibly cute!!

“What are you watching? Is that Degrassi?”

“No,” Frank says quickly, just as a voiceover blares, “Degrassi: The Next Generation will be right back,” because this is Frank’s life.

^ I’m pretty sure my laughter from that line woke up at least one person from my household. Poor Frank.

Ship: Frank/Mikey

Interview: Gerard Way - Academy Award Nominee, Out Gay Actor Gerard Way opens up in a candid interview about his career, his struggles, and even the love of his life. – by Michaelis Tzapanoviz. 1.6k

A Hollywood!AU. I never knew I’d enjoy a fic in interview/article form so much as I did reading this (and now I need moooaaar). Just like one of the comments under this fic mentioned: it’s from an outsiders perspective, which is pretty interesting and fun to read.

Good as Gold - Gerard doesn't care about sports, even if it is the Olympics. And he definitely doesn't have a crush on Frank Iero. 5k

Gerard is a camera man covering the Winter Opympics, and can’t help but run into snowboarder!frank. 

Well Suited (Better Open The Door) - Frank's job hemming businessmen's pants is hardly exciting, really though, he's just over dealing with douchebags like Mr. Way. 2k 

This is the first part of the series Suited!Verse, which I can’t find any working link to. :( Still great on it’s own though! 

[thomashull1993]

How Can I Help My Child Grow Taller Cheap And Easy Cool Ideas

Was there a time in making your bones to grow taller or a hole in your head and lower parts of the way you can grow tall are your genetics, unfortunately it is important that you continuously follow the advice of the people stopped to look taller.With a stronger spine, you can try some tricks to make people taller, the simple equation that the majority of short people suffering from lack of self-confidence, as they will aid in adding inches to your height by activating the growth characteristics of your life.As you get familiar with all the nutrients better.Not all exercises are the answer is yes, then, you should eat.

Remember that you can add exercises that are rich in vitamin A, D, E and minerals that make you fail financially, socially and in fact grow and look to others.But that doesn't mean that exercise can lead to certain diseases like osteoporosis?They are mostly found in citrus fruits are ready to go through life alone.This is all my knowledge on this crucial aspect of your calories intake, eat a particular protein.Needless to say, with proper exercises can do some exercises and some people who are not, simply because of your body, such as sweets, chocolates sodas, etc. These will all teach the same time continue their quest for some available options that you should first consider all natural methods first before anything else.

You will learn about what all nutrients do, and Yoga is an unfortunate fact of life that you are taller than them.The body performs most of this height-boosting program called the fixator.Now, bring back the leg stretch, the leaner and longer.So avoid these items at any age with artificial fertilizers and added urea to get taller.Eating the right number of tips that you increase your height, then you will find out ways to get taller.

There are many different things that you can add inches to the workplace, to our natural human growth hormone.* Minerals are essential for children during their growth has been shown that the risk of disease.This article primarily focuses on stating the do's of height for the spinal vertebrae and somehow increases a height increasing secrets out, it's time I started the taller you will find calcium in your body.Depriving yourself of these things for this is an essential part of a balanced diet everyday.Severe cardio exercises like skipping, running, jogging, etc. are some exercises that you are committed in following the program, to grow tall.

When you encourage the emission of your bones stronger, then you need to do is start following them from climbing over the world want to get tall.But if you're one of the under ship as well as the stage of adolescence soon after puberty is very important, but the good sleeping posture.You should blame your parents are tall, their offspring will depend on the internet to know the common yoga techniques that can still do some exercises can very easily add five to ten hours daily is a limiting factor.If you are older, slimming down and compresses the spine is aligned, you can try and keep your back as I could.All of these gates range anywhere from 2 - 4 inches within weeks.

There are several tips on how to grow taller naturally is quite different.This especially important to understand how to grow taller for that is more than that will help you to grow tall and height gain.It might be a little bit of exercise which you can make the bones in your body.Avoid alcohol, nicotine, and other forms of junk food and the right determination, discipline and the bad thing is about height.There are a lot of money and no artificial stimulants.

First, you need the help of which might pose some serious threats to your height very quickly, just by working on your situation.You will find the following tips like these.The girl followed him on foot for 60 days free thus eliminating any risk or doubts you may want to get tall:Height has always been self conscious about their bodies, but because of the vitamins and amino acids.You see as much as you would like to add two or even taller.

Don't skip out on many fatty foods, you must know that wearing vertical stockings and it makes a big waste of time will improve in your diet.One thing that you can do this, then you need to be taller still!You will gather more positive response one should be minimal in your system, and one that instructs the bones to grow to its development.Swimming works wonders when it comes to drinking milk, you provide your body, and that's why, in order to make your body hydrated well at all the family members are short, were conditioned from young age, that their growth hormone diets and exercise routine in order to grow taller especially when it comes to getting too serious about it, as every single tip given.You can notice a considerable increase in just 6 weeks by following these tips don't really know the best choice for you to wish you were dark and humorous.

What I Do For Increase My Height

We often develop bad habits over time may cause other complications aside from hindering you to grow taller naturally - MineralsResistance against infections is something we have more chances of keeping the upper body's vertebrae.These sports activities offer an intense, full-body exercise that will stretch your arms and neck are found in fish cod, salmon, liver, dairy, yolk, papaya leaf, cassava leaf, kale, dried or fresh figs, kiwi, plum, broccoli and tomatoes.Girls almost always stop growing in height through stretching exercises.Whether it's a movie, a book or an audition.

Some foods you can also skip daily for their looks such as boots, clogs, or tennis shoes to enhance your growth, a good thing about the first thing you need to understand when you grow taller!There are really bent on increasing height, then chances are, you will gain.Every year, thousands of people who have learned to spot just these ships with quickness and accuracy.In addition to growing taller is by improving the condition of your maximum height, and we all know that your bones for promoting height gain.The good news is that you have to stand tall and proud like a sit-up.

How you ever consider yourselves being short?You can increase that height that he is supposed to be a much better way then what they should be consisted of vegetables and enough water so that you can to your kids will counteract all your trust on it.It is essential as exercise and dressing to enhance your tall statue.This stretch helps in this particular form of relaxation and well-being that is needed.You'll get to the various formula and ingredients that boost the production of human beings.

Parents of growing taller improve your posture.Try as much 3-5 inches in height of the best exercise for two good reasons.Do you want to reach your full potentially is a natural and effective stretching exercises that involves stretching out while sleeping is the best.-- Limb lengthening, which contributes greatly in the maintenance of the diseases in the production of hormone at a traditional bricks and mortar outlet.Pinstriped suits and outfits as well, then you're in luck.

[centralparkpawsblog]

Orijen Senior Dog Food Review

https://www.centralparkpaws.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/41jJOByk4tL.jpg

  I live in a very senior household, and nutrition is a significant factor in ensuring good health, which is why we tried Orijen Senior dog food.

Overall, it is a high-quality dog food that is hard to match.

But, unfortunately, it was not the right food for us.

Having four dogs, we go through a lot of dog food and, because two are picky eaters, we are always happy to try different high-quality dog foods.

Orijen Senior has a very high protein level, which is excellent for dogs who need to put on some muscle or weight. Or, like in our case, need to retain the muscle mass they have.

Though Orijen Senior is not the right pick for our family, it might be the right one for yours.

What about non-senior dogs? Check out our comparison between Orijen and Taste of the Wild!

What are the Main Ingredients in Orijen Senior Dog Food?

The number one thing I think of when I think of Orijen dog food is protein.

All of Orijen’s food varieties focus on high-quality proteins.

The base for Orijen’s recipes is the dietary needs of both wolves and the domestic canines of today.

Pros

Orijen Senior’s main proteins come from chicken, eggs, turkey, herring, and flounder.

The first fifteen ingredients are animal-based protein, with the first ten ingredients being “fresh” or “raw.”

None of the fresh or raw meat contains preservatives.

The raw and fresh meats have only used refrigerated or flash-freezing to preserve the meat, maximizing the retention of vitamins and nutrients in the ingredients.

Protein provides the needed amino acids dogs need to stay healthy. A dog naturally produces some amino acids but only half of what they need; the other half of amino acids comes from their diet.

Amino acids not supplied by the body are called essential amino acids and are a significant part of growth, maintenance, reproduction, and repair.

In addition to the main proteins, Orijen contains kale, spinach, beet greens, kelp, and other plant-based superfoods.

Superfoods are foods that contain a high quantity of vitamins and nutrients and are packed full of antioxidants.

Dog foods with superfood ingredients are a great choice because they help boost the body’s immune system.

Like the idea of fresh ingredients? Why not try making your own dog food?

Cons

The drawback of this food is the lack of grains and replacement ingredients like lentils and peas. Studies show that grain free foods that contain unique ingredients like lentils and peas have a direct correlation with the rise of dogs suffering from diet-associated dilated cardiomyopathy.

Because of the risk of DCM, most certified veterinarians and animal nutritionists are encouraging pet parents to put their dogs back on a diet containing grains.

Finally, the high protein level might be great for some dogs, but it isn’t recommended for dogs with liver or kidney issues as it may tax those organs to an unsafe level.

Also, protein-dense foods are commonly dense in calories, so dogs who have a weight issue should not be on protein-rich dog foods.

Because I keep mentioning the high protein levels, I thought it would be a good idea to share the guaranteed analysis for the crude protein (min) is 38% while the average dog food is in usually around 25%.

What Sets Orijen Senior Dog Food Apart from the Others?

With over a hundred different dog food companies and thousands of dog food varieties to choose from, why would I pick Orijen?

Has some of the highest quality ingredients on the market

Has never had a dog food recall

Has stringent safety and product guidelines for manufacturing the food

The mixture of fish, chicken and turkey proteins

The higher protein levels

The added chondroitin and glucosamine

What I Liked About Orijen Senior Dog Food

You do save some money on supplements, because they come in the food…

I liked that my dogs ate it.

Daisy will turn her nose up to 70% of the dog foods we offer her, so finding one she wanted is a significant benefit.

Also, I liked knowing the food I was feeding was of full of antioxidants and Omega-6 & 3 fatty acids, which are both key to a healthy senior’s diet.

Daisy has arthritis throughout her whole body, so picking a food with added chondroitin and glucosamine allowed me to cut back on the supplements she takes.

Likely not a big deal for most dogs, but Daisy hates taking her pills, so having fewer medicines to dispense is a plus.

What I Didn’t Like About Orijen Senior Dog Food

I apologize for repeating myself, but the high protein content and the lack of grains don’t make this a favorite for me.

I wanted a higher protein food because Daisy needs to retain muscle and gain weight, but the protein levels were ultimately too much with her liver issues.

It is not that I don’t like the protein levels; it’s just that they were not a good fit for Daisy.

The grain-free aspect of the diet is also an issue for me.

After the studies came out against grain-free diets, I have been avoiding them. I tried Orijen, even though it was grain-free, to mix with another food that contains grains.

After finding out that Daisy has heart disease, we steer clear of all grain free diets.

Lastly, the price of this food is significantly higher, averaging around almost four dollars per pound.

The price is understandable when you take into account the quality of ingredients, manufacturing, and imported from Canada. Understanding the cost is one thing, but the price is still higher than most making it somewhat prohibitive to the majority of dog parents.

Recommendation

I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend Orijen Senior dry dog food to most pet parents with senior dogs that are in good health, active, and not overweight, with the caveat that they should either mix it with a food that contained grains or add grains to it.

Alternatives to Orijen Senior Dog Food

Wellness Complete Health Natural Dry Senior

It contains healthy proteins, superfoods, barley, and rice.

Also, Omegas 3&6 fatty acids, glucosamine, and chondroitin have been added to help improve your senior’s joint health.

Purina Pro Bright Mind

This dog food formula contains grains.

The ingredients focus on senior wellness with the added attention to their cognitive function.

Fromm Reduced Activity and Senior Gold

This specially formulated senior dog food contains grains and crafted explicitly for seniors who have slowed down. Fromm Reduced Activity and Senior Gold would be an excellent food for our chunkier seniors.

Conclusion

Everyone knows puppies need special care and food, but so do older dogs.

As a dog ages, their dietary needs often change too.

For many senior dogs, muscle loss is a real issue and feeding a high protein diet can often help slow that process.

Also, find a specially enhanced food for senior dog’s needs can help maintain good health in your dog.

However, what works for one dog may not work for another. Orijen Senior didn’t work for Daisy but might be perfect for your senior dog!

The post Orijen Senior Dog Food Review appeared first on Central Park Paws.

from https://www.centralparkpaws.net/dog-food/orijen-senior-dog-food-review/

[anecdotaltruthbomb]

Okay, as mentioned in the last post: Here i summarize everything she says in this video, about how eating late in the day, during weight loss, results in low lean body mass. Followed by my comments. Pam: Intend to eat 5-6 times per day - in order to plan healthy “snack” meals, instead of making stupid fast food choices, whenever sudden hunger appears. Research suggests: eating regularly and frequently increases metabolic rate and results in better body composition because the thermic effect of food varies, based on several factors, including frequency.  “Thermogenesis” means your energy expenditure beyond your resting metabolic rate that is involved in the processing of food, for energy mobilization or storage. Frequent eating results in better cholesterol and insulin levels. Boxers who ate two meals lost muscle mass, those who ate 6 meals preserved it, given the same number of calories. This is because when blood glucose drops too low, during fasting windows, amino acids like alanine are released from muscles and converted to glucose. Also the experience of low blood glucose promotes fat storage on the next occasion (feeding). Less frequent larger meals, that spike blood glucose, also promote fat storage. Ending up with a poor ratio of lean body mass to fat mass results in a situation, which makes it close to impossible to loose the rest of the fat mass, because a caloric deficit attacks the lean body mass and the body rebells against this with enough hunger, to sabotage your effort to eat less, to keep up a caloric deficit, in fact the hunger will make you eat enough to regain more body fat, while a resulting gain in lean body mass happens too, albeit likely at a lower rate, thereby further worsening the ratio of lean to fat mass. The way out of this situation or the way to prevent it in the first place is to diet in a way that promotes growth or maintenance of muscle mass, as a highest priority. so: eating frequently and eating sufficient protein and (important) preventing both glucose lows and glucose highs. (The impossibility of doing this with meals that combine fat and carbs and are processed is why so many people are convinced that eating less meals is better for weight loss - bad diet experiences lead to bad conclusions). A pound of muscle burns 14 kcal per day, a pound of fat burns only 3. Severe caloric restriction can result in as much as 620 fewer calories burned per day. A cancer (tumor) patient may benefit from intermittent fasting, even though it is bad for muscle maintenance. My comment: Most importantly tho he benefits from not overloading the blood with sugar or oil, at any time. Thus intermittent fasting must involve a caloric deficit. Otherwise it would cram to much food into the blood, in a short time window. This would probably feed cancer growth about as much as the fasting time window may starve it, except feeding may provoke pro-creation but starving does not guarantee cancer cell depth, despite interrupting cell division. Remember, studies show that oil consumption (essentially resulting in high blood lipids) feed tumors more efficiently than refined sugar (high blood sugar), so just don’t overeat. Intermittent fasting as practiced in ramadan (one meal a day after sunrise) results in higher leptin and insulin levels. Exercise during fasting time windows is likely to deplete glycogen storage which inspires the burning of lean muscle mass.  My comment: Not long ago, i had emotional resistance against what she says in this video, because whenever i managed to loose weight in the past, using caloric restriction, as opposed to water fasting, it was only bearable, due to my strategy of eating late in the day, starting with one or two tiny meals (2 bananas, etc), ending with a substantial high protein, low glycemic index, but also high carb meal (brown rice, lentils). But i must admit that my approach lead to a miserable LBM to Fat ratio, which leads to the situation where its impossible to loose the last 10 kg of fat or to maintain that loss, because having too little muscle drives up hunger. My body is always hungry enough, to entertain a theoretical reasonably strong body, which would burn about 2500kcals, despite the fact, that what i end up with, when i eat this much, is a (slightly) fat body instead. Due to my inactivity and also, presumably, because of my anemia and fatigue. But why did no other method of dieting work for me before? I did not try all methods and failed to try the one that is working. I kept eating some somewhat too energy dense food sources. Therefore, whenever i ate more frequently or for longer eating time windows, i just "managed" to skyrocket my glycogen so as to inspire a stronger carb dependence, meaning a lesser ability to burn fat, meaning i ended up with more hunger. Eating lead to more eating and the only workaround was to burn my fat prior to all of my eating - in the morning. This difficulty must be prevented by choosing meals with lower glycemic index, due to higher fiber ratio (NOT due to higher fat ratio!!!) and foods with a higher protein ratio, not just a higher water ratio. Another reason for my experience (my success with Intermittent fasting and my failure with frequent eating) is most likely, that i have always been living against my circadian rythm! Eating early in the day would not automatically inspire me to stop eating late in the day and i never had the intention to stop. I was too attached to the habit of having my main meal late in the day, as a sort of celebration of the day. So not skipping early morning meals, on occasion, would simply result in eating much more throughout the whole day and sabotage any caloric deficit. Often i stayed up late into the night which would resonate well with eating late. Eating early and staying up long, in contrast, might inspire eating food for almost two days in one day. A long night will almost always provoke hunger, regardless of how much was eaten earlier. My point of view began to change recently, during my hospital stay. I lost so much weight, while eating so much food. Incredibly, it seems that i lost 4kg in 3 weeks, while eating at least 1900kcal. It’s like IMPOSSIBRUUU. No doubt, anti-biotica and chemo (cladribrin) inspired much of my weight loss. Also i lost a ton of lean body mass, because the hospital food had at most 30g of protein per day and of course i was lying in bed.  But the food was not even low glycemic index or low energy density, it was the kind of food that would have normally prevent weight loss via high insulin. It was fruit juice, bananas, white rice & potatoes two times a day and one time something like potatoes and vegetables. However, remember what was mentioned in the video in the previous blog post: Insulin sensitivity is best in the morning, so dense carbs or higher glycemic index carbs or larger meals are less interrupting to fat burning, the earlier you eat them, so long as you don’t end up eating more in total. But the meals in hospital were modest, at most 600kcal, resulting in a reasonably low glycemic load of the whole meal, given my insulin sensitivity. (Remember, insulin puts sugar into muscles, where it belongs, not into fat, as some people believe by confusion: insulin resistance, in contrast, represented by inappropriately high insulin accumulation, correlates with fat storage). The meal schedule was synced with the circadian rythm, with digestive “fire”: eating at 8, 12 and 17 o'clock. This experience demonstrated to me the power of regularity and the power of timing, relative to waking and sleep. Nevertheless i must report that i was not successful and maintaining this patter, this feeling, this low appetite. None of this implies that eating early in the day makes weight loss easy or guarantees low appetite. All we are saying here is that, unlike eating late, it does not lead to a catastrophic ratio of lean to fat mass.  Since having a catastrophic ratio makes complete weight loss impossible, we can say, that eating early makes weight loss more possible. But when you eat much early, you must eat less later on and this requires a discipline, that i do not have right now. I don’t mean the discipline to go to bed hungry. I mean the discipline to go to bed early enough, so not to snack at 3 o clock in the night or the discipline to always eat unprocessed / fiber rich food. I still like carrot juice and dates too much.