#and speaking of...

[deliriuxe]

I feel like I make people excited for things I'm just not able to live up to. I make too many promises and plans for things that I think in my head should be no problem following through on, only to then not be able to even come close to reaching that seemingly simple goal and disappointing everyone I hyped up, along with myself.

This is more relevant to my activity on my main blog than here (honestly this blog feels more like an escape from the responsibilities I've made on my other blogs), but for personal reasons I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it there. Maybe one day, but not now.

For the many of you who likely don't know... I was a part of a collaborative AU/AM known as AccidentVerse: the one with the fusions of outcodes like Vantablack (nightmare!ink) and Silence (dream!error). It was a relatively popular au at the time and I was the official artist for it.

I broke off from the team for reasons that I currently don't have it in me to go into any meaningful detail about (I'm still working through therapy to fully understand what happened to me when I was a part of that group; I'm sure it'll come with time), but one thing I'm now coming to terms with after 3 whole years... is that I constantly felt the need to justify my existence online through my work. I believe I had that issue even before I joined AV, but working for that team certainly made it much, much worse.

I was very young at the time, and I didn't have a whole lot going for me in the vast new social circle I was introduced to (like with any socially awkward 13 year old kid), so my only source of value was through the art that I made for AccidentVerse. And everyone loved it. Everyone I met was amazed at the skill I had for being at such a young age. I was valued, essentially put on a pedestal...

...as long as I was working.

Long story short, it burnt me out. This mindset still carries through to today, where I feel as though I have to maintain my prominence in the UTMV community by continuously working and pumping out new content, because... who would I be if I didn't? It was what I was good at, it was the reason I was so valued by the AV admins in the first place... because without that, I would've been nothing to them.

...

...Working on AV today, after adopting it as the sole owner... it's a struggle. I toil desperately for an ounce of motivation for a project that I just cannot seem to find. Don't get me wrong, I love AV. I love the characters dearly... but I'm starting to question if focusing on AccidentVerse is even healthy for me, with all the trauma I've gained from the people I worked under.

I just... I don't know. All I have is a half finished fic for AV that I practically have had to force myself to work on for the better part of 6 months, even if I genuinely hold some passion for the ideas in it.

I'll remind myself to not make as many promises going forward.

[pokedolls-mizuki-43ds]

huehehehehe... if i had a website i would spell things in dancing unown gifs... that's why the other 20 or so unown dance party gifs are non eixstent to my knowledge... it'd make me too powerful hehehe ^^

everyone SHUT UP.

it's time for UNOWN DANCE PARTY.

[apollos-boyfriend]

shoutout to C418 (one of minecraft’s composers) for just fucking snapping recently on twitter

[scummrevisited]

this callout couldve been a block button

[foxpunk]

do you all see my vision here

[livingthedragonlife]

laios is perhaps the only character not to get the "they mentioned their favorite food once and the fandom makes it their whole personality" treatment. his favorite food is cheesecake and absolutely nobody cares

[waspcup]

hello my name is Very tiny flying insect i see you’ve got an uncovered beverage outdoors. Can i fall into it and kill myself please please please please please please please please please please

[bizarrebazaar13]

what if your doppelgänger wasn’t evil it was just a person. what if your doppelgänger wasn’t trying to replace you it was just trying to learn to be a person and you were the best model it had. what if your doppelgänger looked at you with your eyes and said with your voice that it just wanted to be loved. what then.

[inthereellife]

YALL! Our favorite Tumblr runner DID IT! He won gold!

If yall need a reminder Noah Lyles is this wonderful nerd

Noah Lyles won GOLD!

Noah Lyles is the Fastest Man!!!

[narwhalsarefalling]

just had a convo with my friend. she mentioned she doesnt like sake cause its sparkling.

“wait, sake is sparkling? what have i been drinking?” i said. because i also dont like sparkling stuff.

i look at the sake bottle ive been drinking from for fun events for the past year. its vinegar.

i’ve been drinking strawberry flavored vinegar.

[secretlystephaniebrown]

When I was a kid I thought there were so many more swear words than there are. But in actuality we get like. ten before it just turns into slurs. Deep down, I’m still disappointed.

[hungry-skeleton]

Shipping a man in a canon het relationship with another man but I'm shaking my head the whole time so you know it's not out of misogynistic disregard for the woman character

[chrismcshell]

northern hemisphere babes we made it to the longest night of the year. we made it. for the next 6 months, every day will give us a little more daylight than the last. let's go. take my hand. climb out of the darkness with me

[apollos-boyfriend]

i’m gonna cry it’s raining right now and i just passed by a family where both parents were without an umbrella but their kid who couldn’t have been older than like 3-4 was proudly holding this GIANT umbrella whose diameter was as tall (if not taller) as the kid. both the parents were getting absolutely drenched but u could tell the kid was just so happy to have an “adult” task and carry the umbrella themselves and i think that sacrifice is what love is all about

[phantomrose96]

I love adding "Reddit" to the end of all my google searches I will never stop.