#and sometimes with my art over the last two years I have gotten comments of like

[wigglebox]

Some style exploration sketches for Dean and Cas

[zarla-s]

We move forward, 'cause we can't go back...

It's the EIGHTH anniversary of Handplates, and the first one after I finished the comic back in July! I decided to dig up a very old wip that I never finished and finally do it. I've always loved WeMoveForward by The Midnight, and I think it applies not only to the comic itself but also this period after it... there's no way to go back to when I was doing it, only moving forward after it's done.

Even more appropriately, since I did this wip, these characters all moved forward even further... even as this sat in my files, they moved forward, in a sense. I don't know, the song gives me a sort of plaintive, longing, bittersweet feeling... it's hard to explain.

I had a very insistent voice in my head that always made me do a Handplates page over the years I was working on it, no matter what happened. I wasn't sure if that voice would ever stop, even when it's done, but it has! It's gotten quieter now, mostly only nagging me about other projects I should be working on (Defrag, the Ace Attorney/Frozen fic, web design, fic ideas, art ideas...) whenever I'm doing something, much like it did before I started the comic.

How I feel about Handplates finishing though is strange. At times it doesn't feel like it's over, even if I don't feel like I need to do another page. At other times I get sad thinking about it and I miss it, and other times I look back on it with amazement that I was able to do it. Sometimes I look back on it and think about what was happening in my life at that time, and sometimes when I look at it it's unreal and it's hard to believe I even did it, like someone else did the whole thing. It's like it's there but it's not, it's present but it isn't. It's a very strange feeling, it's hard to describe or pin down. I know it'll always be with me in some way, but it is strange to be able to focus so much attention on other things without that feeling of having to set aside a few days to do a page every two weeks... not bad or anything, but I'm not used to it still.

I don't know! When I read the comments on the last page a lot of them made me cry, especially those talking about how the comic had been their childhood, and now their childhood is over. It was sad to think that I had a part in something like that ending... but it ends for everyone, no matter what you do. We, you and me, everyone... we move forward, 'cause we can't go back. That line was so evocative for me that I even used it as a chapter title for the penultimate chapter on Comicfury.

I don't know, just nostalgic thoughts! I don't know if that's the right word for it... but thank you to all of you who read it and enjoyed it. Even now I hear from new people coming to it and reading through it again now that it's done. Even if it's finished, it's still new to people just finding it. It's still "living" in a sense. And thanks to those of you who stuck around even though it's done, I appreciate it. |D

(As a note, the Gaster ukagaka has a surprise if you boot him on the anniversary after seeing the brothers, if you haven't done that)

[index] [patreon]

[jesuisgourde]

My first-listen thoughts on the new Manics single:

I haven't really liked the past two albums. I'm a little skeptical about this new one (the title feels like I'm being sideswiped by a leftie facebook boomer) and I'm so tired of the sound they've been using that started during Resistance Is Futile. But one thing I do like is Nicky's first solo album, which I think is a rarity among Manics fans.

This new song feels like it could have been a b-side to IKTZ. It still has the sonic style that the Manics seem to have unfortunately gotten stuck on since 2018, but it also reminds me a bit of You Will Always Be My Home and Afterbloom.

This song is Nicky walking the same line he's been walking since TUVL, all the same themes of nostalgia and growing older and and solitude and searching for an identity from all the detritus of the years. I think having his vocals rather than JDB's does help a lot; since he wrote the words he infuses them with his characteristic monotone that's like sighing feelingly. (I always loved his "I'm not a singer, I'm a sigher" comment from recording Williams Last Words.) I think sometimes when Nicky is writing about himself specifically, JDB's vocal style is too dynamic and clear and it feels like an odd juxtaposition. I don't know who the lady singer is (she looks familiar but maybe I'm psyching myself out) but I like the addition of her as backing vocals, which heightens the sort of characteristic "creakiness" of Nicky's singing, in a good way.

Lyrically I don't have much to say. It's Nicky talking about the same thing he's been talking about since TUVL. I wish so badly that he'd go back to writing about art movements and artists and history. I don't think I particularly care about him writing about current political events, but I like his songs about history, and so much of RIF was songs about individual people (artists, writers, other musicians, historical figures) and I found it so much more interesting and compelling than hearing Nicky write about himself, since he kind of tends to write about the same themes over and over.

(Side note: I wonder if the moment in the music video where you see him writing "hate and despair" over and over was a bit of a self-mocking or self-aware moment. Those have been 'his' two words since the beginning.)

I don't think this is a favorite of mine in terms of their whole ouevre, but nothing has been since 2018, really. But this is the first time since RIF that I've listened to a song of theirs and thought "oh, I could listen to that a few more times and not get bored".

[downwiththeficness]

Here's why I still post to Tumblr

In the last two weeks, my AO3 account has gotten at least a hundred hits for Shadow and Veil--which I'm happy about because there hasn't been very much traction over there for this story (I get it, the fandom for this character is niche).

Anyways

100 hits to the story in two weeks and not one kudo or comment. Not. One. I don't write for other people, I write for myself. But, its nice to get even a little bit of feedback once in a while to make me feel like I'm not shouting into the void.

I typically do all of my fandom reading over on AO3--I like the format. If I like a story, I'll almost always leave a comment or a kudo--I fail at that, sometimes, because I'm human. But, I try. I want other writers to feel seen and heard and that their writing sparks something in other people.

Which brings me to Tumblr.

Here, I at least get the occasional reblog and regular comments, I see you @littleone65 ! I get to read the tags on the reblogs and it feels like seeing my work all over again with fresh eyes. For years, I have posted weekly to this blog and, for years, there has been a reader or two that responds to my work. As a writer, that feels good. It encourages me to keep going.

I guess what I'm saying is what a lot of other writers are saying: encourage the writers you love hearing from. Tell them that you liked what they put out into the world. I'm willing to bet that even just a few words will make the day of anyone who has put their time and energy into a piece of art.

[7grandmel]

Blog Update - 04/02/2024

TL;DR - Google Form for rip requests and other anonymous comments is open. Link to it can be found on the blog's Pinned Post, which has been overhauled. Tagging system on daily posts has been vastly expanded with individual tags per ripper and more. "Media Player" has been scrapped - rips using tentative names are being edited per their official releases.

Hey everyone! Been a hot minute since I did one of these. I've wanted to make a post talking about the tinkering I've done with the blog for a while, but figured it'd be best to wait until all of it had been done. Well, now's that day - conveniently right as Season 8 of SiIvaGunner is rolling out, fresh out of the oven with Puyo Puyo day.

Let's start with the most recent, but most important change - I've opened a Google Form for requesting rips to be covered on the blog. Tumblr's default Ask box is mighty convenient for me, but over the months I've noticed several users troubled by having to start Tumblr accounts just to submit to the blog, even anonymously! You can of course still use the Ask box if you're a Tumblr user already, but now even non-Tumblr users should be able to request to the blog - or just leave anonymous comments! - completely hassle-free.

Next, to help promote this new request system and to accommodate for all the other changes made to the blog recently, The Pinned post of the blog has been given a pretty significant overhaul, alongside adding the current Eighth season to its per-season filtering buttons. I've done my best to also reword the main body of the post to more properly convey the blog's goals, and to help readers new and old navigate it easier. For instance, I've added descriptors of some of the tags that I use for the blog's contents, as well as links to said tags and their Archive views. Take a look around yourself if you wish!

I've been doing a lot more than than just explain the tags, however - you'll notice that the tags #high quality art and #epic flintstones have been added! To help make this blog the ultimate hub for SiIvaGunner activity on Tumblr, I'll be reposting fanart/official art and just various funny posts under these tags to feature on the blog! If you're only here for the daily posts, you're of course still able to use the prior mentioned navigation buttons on the pinned posts to only see posts tagged as #todays siivagunner. But what if you want to get more specific than even that?

Well, alongside retroactively tagging all fanart and shitpost reblogs with the two aforementioned tags, I've added a few more categorizing tags to all 490+ of the Daily SiIvaGunner posts - most notably, the names of every person credited per rip. This both makes it easier for myself to check how many times a ripper has been featured on the blog prior, and should help you find out more about your favorite rippers on your own! There's also some other miscellaneous tags added, such as tags denoting if a rip has visuals, if a post is covering multiple rips at once, if a rip is a Fusion Collab, and so on - I'll have a post properly denoting all of these tags up sometime in the future.

Finally, back in July of last year I described my thought process for how to handle rips that, due to lacking album releases, lack proper official names per the time of writing - alongside spitballing an idea for a post-navigation "media player". First off, I can say now after six months that I'm not moving forward with the media player concept, as fun of an idea as it was - I don't believe it offered much benefit over what can be done through just using the pinned post's links to begin with. Second off, though, a lot of the rips I've covered with tentative names, primarily rips from Season 7, have gotten official album releases, and thus been retroactively edited to feature their new official names. You can see an example of how this looks with Persona 64, which was previously titled I'll Face Gay Bowser. All mentions of a rip with its tentative name as featured across other posts will also be edited to feature their official release name.

Whew! What a big update! I've been having the time of my life with this blog in the months since the last Update, and the lack of updates here have certainly not been due to a lack of confidence in the blog - I've simply had too many ideas on what to do for them to be properly distilled to just one post! Hopefully this conveys everything I've been doing in the background of it all. If you have any feedback or other changes you'd like to see happen on the blog, please let me know!

[galadrieljones]

Author Interview

Thanks for the tag, @littlelindentree ^_^ Happy New Year!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

20

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

981,132

3. what fandoms do you write for?

I have written for Dragon Age: Inquisition, Red Dead Redemption 2, Horizon: Zero Dawn, The Last of Us, and The Walking Dead

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

The Lily Farm (Arthur Morgan x Mary Beth Gaskill, RDR2)

That he may hold me by the hand (Arthur Morgan x Albert Mason, RDR2)

The Dead Season (Solavellan, DAI)

Magnolia (Bethyl, TWD)

Yours, Sadie Adler. (Sadithur, RDR2)

5. do you respond to comments?

Yes, as often as I can. Sometimes, I forget on older fics. I'm sorry about that. If someone is rude to me in the comments though, I will respond rudely!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Teen Wolf. It's a story collection so the ending isn't really "true," but it's the end of Solas and Ghilan'nain's love story, in my mind. It's sad and bittersweet, as in the story, they are talking about building a house on the back acreage of Solas's mother's property, but I envision the very next day as being the day that Andruil invades the Weathers, kidnapping both Ghilan'nain and Solas's mother Leanathy, and beginning the Great War. In the ensuing days, Andruil's men leave Solas for dead, and when he wakes up, he goes to Mythal and begs her to free his mother in exchange for his loyalty. She accepts, rescuing and protecting Leanathy in her Blue Palace, and Solas becomes her Bodyguard. Eventually, he is elevated to her General, then he becomes her lover. During the war, after Ghilan'nain's betrayal, the Evanuris murder Mythal, and Solas, out of vengeance and grief, builds the veil and imprisons them all, including Mythal's soul, which would, over time, resurrect into her body, using special magic taught to her by Solas's mother many thousands of years before.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well, most of my long fics are unfinished. I'm sorry about that. I think that The Dead Season has a happy ending. So does Yours, Sadie Adler., thought it is bittersweet.

8. do you get hate on fics?

Not tons at all. I have gotten a few rude commenters over the years, mainly people being weirdly critical of my writing style in ways that are, frankly, moronic, and also some people who just want me to write more smut. But I don't write much smut anymore, and I don't think fics need smut to be worthy or interesting. If you only want a smut fic, you probably won't like my writing. Remember that tags exist so that you can see what you're getting into before you crack the first chapter!!!!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Lol. Speaking of. I used to write much more. It was never the overly explicit kind and I didn't have any specific kinks I liked to explore, but I wrote a lot of it for DAI and RDR2. I still write sex scenes for sure, it's just that they tend to be character driven.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

I have never written a real crossover; however, I do have some crossover characters in The Lily Farm. In the later chapters, I have two main characters who are taken from other texts: Woodrow Call from Lonesome Dove and LaBoeuf from True Grit. Both are Texas Rangers, and in my fic, they owe Dutch a few rather large favors. They help Arthur and Mary Beth on the river boat job, which goes terribly wrong. They also help break John out of federal prison. They are two of my favorite characters in the fic.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. I've had plenty of art stolen over the years and I don't even keep track anymore. Mainly it just gets reposted without credit on like, Pinterest. Oh well!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of! But I am amenable.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

I don't think so!

14. what's your all-time favourite ship?

I have several though Bethyl and Solavellan are probably tied for first.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Lily Farm. In truth there's not a ton left to write. But it's been 84 years like I don't even remember the geography of the game. I would have to replay RDR2, at least through chapter 4. I also wish I could finish Zero, my Niloy fic for HZD. I still think about them, and I still occasionally get really really nice comments on that fic. I honestly wish I could finish all my old fics. Like That he may hold, which also has maybe one closing chapter left to write. I wish I could finish As You Were, too, my TLOU fic, just so that I can save Joel's life, and as a big fuck you to Neil Druckmann.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I'm not sure. Pacing has probably always been my greatest strength.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Overwriting, getting bored. My issue is often that I start a fic with modest goals but then those goals get bigger and bigger as I go, and I can't help myself. Then, I eventually get bored and I don't finish. I view fanfic as a way for authors to express themselves and their hyperfixations in the moment. I think that the quality of being "unfinished" is, in an of itself, conventional to fanfiction; however, I still view my general lack of focus as a weakness.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Don't translate it. Just put it there. If your reader cares enough and doesn't know the translation, they'll look it up. If they don't care enough to do this, then they're not your target audience. The internet makes this sort of thing very easy.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

Technically it's the boyband fandom (*NSync and Backstreet Boys, mainly) in like 1998, but in actuality, it's Dragon Age: Inquisition in 2016.

20. favourite fic you've written?

Probably Yours, Sadie Adler. It feels the most complete, and I still don't know how I managed to write that fic so quickly, when I was like three weeks postpartum with my second baby, and with very little revision. It just flowed out of me, like it was already written in my mind, and all I had to do was type it out. I have received some really lovely comments on it over the years. It seems to affect people deeply, which makes me very happy, because it came from a very raw place in my heart.

I will tag @thevikingwoman @bearlytolerant @roguelioness @gneebee @shallow-gravy @a-shakespearean-in-paris @pipergirl17 @sasusc and @im-immortal <3

[bloominginsilk]

Closed Mouths Don't Get Fed

While organizing my computer files, I stumbled across a folder of old photographs—images of places I’ve been, meals I’ve shared, moments I’ve almost forgotten. Among them were pictures from a New Year’s Eve dinner; a tray of exquisite desserts arranged like edible art...the soft glow of the restaurant’s lights—it all came rushing back to me.

That dinner had been one of my first encounters with dining in an upscale restaurant in years. It wasn’t a grand palace of extravagance, but it had an air of refinement that made me feel as though I’d entered another world. I remember sitting at that table, trying to absorb the ambiance, from the clinking of glasses to the quiet hum of conversations and New Year's Eve celebrations. It felt surreal, both exciting and slightly intimidating, like I was a guest in someone else’s dream.

The meal began with wine. I’d chosen a glass from the menu, but the moment I took a sip, I knew it wasn’t for me. The waiter must have noticed the hesitation on my face because he asked me a few questions about what I liked—something sweet, crisp, light? With a gracious smile, he suggested a tasting, bringing out small pours of different wines for me to try.

That was the first wine tasting I’d ever experienced. Each sip was a discovery, but it was the Riesling that won me over. Sweet, with a perfect balance of fruit and freshness—it felt like a little luxury in a glass. My benefactor watched me with amusement as I savored it, his smile reflecting the quiet joy of introducing me to something new.

Dinner itself was wonderful, but the most memorable moment came with dessert. A tray of miniature masterpieces was brought to our table, each dessert elegantly displayed in tiny shot glasses: pecan pie adorned with caramelized nuts, key lime pie topped with delicate swirls of cream, and several others that looked too beautiful to eat. Seven in total, each more enticing than the last.

I chose two, trying to appear modest even as my inner child wanted to taste them all. And when the bill came, my benefactor, with a playful laugh, commented on how affordable the desserts had been. Emboldened by the wine and the easy camaraderie we’d built over dinner, I teased, “Well, if I’d known that, I might have picked a few more.”

His response stopped me in my tracks: “You could’ve gotten all of them—I didn’t care how much it cost.”

There it was—a quiet yet powerful truth that struck me harder than I expected. I’d been so careful not to appear indulgent or to overstep some invisible boundary, that I’d held back from truly enjoying myself. And for what? Out of fear of seeming greedy or ungrateful?

That evening taught me a subtle but crucial lesson: it’s classy to be considerate and mindful, yes, but luxury is also about allowing yourself to embrace what you desire. It’s about speaking up and trusting that the right person will not only want to give you more but will delight in doing so.

Even now, I realize I still have a long way to go. I’m learning to unravel the threads of my upbringing, the cautious mindset instilled in me by years of hearing “we can’t afford that” or feeling like I shouldn’t ask for too much. Old habits die hard, and sometimes I catch myself hesitating, questioning if I’m worth the things I dream of.

But when I look at that photograph, I'm reminded that I was (and still am) a woman in the midst of transformation. That night, she began to understand that while luxury may come in the form of sweet Rieslings and artful desserts, its essence lies in feeling worthy of it all.

And the next time life presents me with seven options, I’ll remember: it’s okay to want more. Sometimes, the greatest indulgence is the one we give ourselves—permission.

[bayalexison]

Bay’s 2022 Writing Summary

So my 2022 writing summary is being posted much a bit later due to real life craziness and another reason I'll explain below. For now though, my 2022 writing summary!

FE3H -The Library Song - A Felix/Annette Teachers ending nsfw fic I wrote for 2021 Netteflix Exchange. The two bet whose house would win that then leads them to having an intimate moment at the library. I love nsfw Netteflix and had a blast writing it. However, this fic also left me with some negative feelings towards the Netteflix fandom for reasons I won't say in public here lol. My recipient loves it at least so that's all that matters.

-Talk to Me, Dance with Me- 2022 Dimileth Hot Flash fic where the two were at a masquerade ball and pretending to be strangers one night. Loved everyone's reactions to the end where Dimitri practically slips up their strangers roleplaying haha. Also got nice art from Karini from the art raffle she was holding!

-Thunder Without Rain- My Dimileth Big Bang fic and magnus opus Dimileth work. I actually thought the first initial ideas of this fic since October 2019, setting it aside until I finish with Foul Play first. Well, fast forward to January 2022 when sign ups for Dimileth Big Bang started and I switched gears haha. I thought it would be around 40K like my FMA Big Bangs, but nope ended up 68K oh lordy. GirlInterrupted did wonderfully with the four(!!) art pieces!

The initial writing it from January to July has been a roller coaster. Despite several appointments and such, managed to finish it with a couple weeks to spare for last minute editing. During the posting I got nice support from the first couple chapters! I then got sad when the feedback had gotten less the more chapters I posted and comparing AO3 stats, which triggered my Imposters Syndrome real bad. I'm still trying to work on that. I'm happy for the folks that made it to the end and I do hope others will catch up eventually!

-Through the Snowstorm- Bernadetta/Hubert fic I wrote for the FE3H Rarepair Exchange. Hubert takes care of Berndetta while they get trapped in a snowstorm. Also surprised I got a few lovely comments on this fic considering this is a rarepair and all haha.

-Reassuring Touches- Three short Dimileth fics I did as fic requests on Twitter, one for each phase of their lives. I haven't done ficlets in a while so that was fun to do!

-Droplets of Jupiter- Wrote this for Dimileth Goggles, an event where you have Dimileth in a crossover of another media. I went with Modern Dimileth AU based off the 2013 anime movie The Garden of Words. Dimitri skips school on rainy days and meets with Byleth often at a park. It had gotten longer than expected and delayed due to stuff that happened in August/September and hopping other WIPs. Got final chapter posted last week!

-Azure Queen- Wrote this for Dimileth Trick or Treat 2022. Snow Queen AU where Dimileth are long-lost lovers and Dimitri is a demon. I got the first two parts written and I hope to eventually get it done sometime in early-mid 2023 because I'm excited for some monster loving that comes later lol.

-Counting Stars- The reason my 2022 writing post is pushed back until now. Wrote this as a gift to Qoboe for the 2022 Dimileth Winter Exchange! She wanted Dimileth happy and in love, so I thought of them going on a little romantic getaway as the premise! Very happy that she loves it!

Other -Mochi Ice Cream- A little short ficlet Ryunosuke/Susato request I did when doing some fic requests on Twitter. I was surprised that I got some comments and people are into that ship haha.

So yeah, 2022 has been a mostly Dimileth writing year as you can tell lol. I got not one but two multi-part fics done!  Highlight being joining the Dimileth community filled with talented and lovely people. I'm still unsure my creations measure up compare to everyone else, but it's nice we've bonded over our blorbos lol.

2023 plans is to finish Azure Queen and Foul Play. Foul Play has been on the backburner due to Dimileth brainrot lol. Thanks to a certain new Pokemon in Scarlet/Violet, I might make a last minute addition and hopefully will finally get back to it. After that, who knows. As much as I loved the various FE3H events I wrote for last year, I'm feeling a bit of burnout atm and would like to focus on my WIPs for the time being.  I kept saying I want to start original writing, so we'll see on that.

[bluejayblueskies]

ao3 year in review 2022

happy new year!! 🎉 with 2022 done and gone, i wanted to take a quick moment to look back on the fic i wrote last year 💜

Top Fandom: Malevolent (15 works, including anonymous fics and fics on my separate nsfw account)

Date of First Fic Posted: January 2, 2022 (it's my party and i'll cry if i want to, Encanto, 5.6k words)

Top Multi-Chapter Fic: ten thousand flowers in spring, The Magnus Archives, 47.5k words

I finished this one just a few days ago and I had such a good time writing it! It also may very well be my last major TMA work (unless the TMA muse returns to me at some point) and I'm happy with it being the capstone on my multi-chapter TMA experience 💜

Top One-Shot: The Cube Rule of Food Identification, The Magnus Archives, 1.6k words

This fic surpassed 1.5k kudos recently and I never expected it to 😂 it's the silliest fic I think I've ever written, given that I usually trend towards angst and whump, and I'm glad that people enjoyed it!

(more under the cut!)

Fic I’m Most Proud Of: whisky old fashioned sour, Malevolent, 58.5k words

I love whisky 💜 this fic is my baby at the moment, ngl, and I'm so excited to wrap it up in the next month or two (depending on how fast I write). People have made some truly spectacular art for it that continues to blow me away every time I see it, and the community has been so wonderful and encouraging over this AU that I thought nobody would really find interesting other than me 💕

Fic I Wish Had Gotten More Attention: cicatrix, Malevolent, 4.7k words

I get why this one didn't get a lot of attention--it's a niche AU (a daemon AU) that's rather whumpy, and I posted it at a weird time. Still, it was (and still is) a concept that really excited me, and I still wish it had gotten a bit more attention. Oh well! That happens sometimes. I like to think that I've gotten more resilient about writing weird niche things that will get like 5 comments and 20 kudos max XD

Fic That Challenged Me The Most: Fata Morgana, The Magnus Archives, 41.7k words

I wouldn't necessarily say that any of the things I wrote this year were particularly challenging (unless you count the HTML stuff in whisky 😂). However, I did have a super rough time starting this fic. It really did not want to get off the ground for whatever reason, and it fought me hard for the first couple of chapters. It was pretty smooth sailing after that though, and I'm proud of the final product!

Favorite Quote/Passage: I always struggle with this question because I forget what I've written beyond what I wrote like. Yesterday lol. So I think I'll just pick a selection of lines I enjoy!

from whisky old fashioned sour:

This close, John can count every single one of Arthur’s freckles—or he could if he had the time, which he immediately adds to his to-do list. Does Arthur have freckles on his shoulders as well? His back? The inside of his thighs? John has never needed to know something so badly, so desperately.

from pov you're an arkham taxi driver:

The last glimpse you catch of him is in the bright white of a lightning strike, high above in the clouds. He looks … taller, somehow. Like his shadow has peeled away from the ground and now looms ominously above, an unholy specter of darkness that winds around him like it’s trying to consume him utterly.

from merry and bright:

There was a choir somewhere else in the festival, and the faint sound of Christmas carols mingled with the jingling of bells and the crackling of fire and the ever-present crunch of snow underfoot. The sounds, along with John’s descriptions, painted a brightly-colored picture: vendors adorned with reds and greens and silvers, children with one hand clasped in a parent’s and the other clinging to hand-carved wooden toys or big round lollipops, people with handcarts peddling candied orange peel and apple cider and warm roasted chestnuts.

from do the stars gaze back?:

Then, Jon reaches out a hand and traces a finger along the curve of Martin’s cheek. “You have constellations within you as well,” they say softly, mapping out the spaces between Martin’s freckles and leaving a warm, tingling sensation in their wake. Their finger reaches the bow of Martin’s upper lip, and they hesitate before shifting and cupping Martin’s cheek in their palm. “They’re lovely.”

from live wire:

They’re beautiful, Jon thinks. In the same way that poison dart frogs are beautiful and belladonna is beautiful and a knife is beautiful right before it buries itself in your lungs.

Total Words Posted: 253,945 words

I suppose I did write two full multi-chapter works and one almost-full multi-chapter work this year, but wow that's still more words than I expected! I'm super happy with the progress I made last year, and I plan to continue writing and posting in 2023 🎉 Thank you SO much to everyone who has commented, kudosed, reblogged, chatted with me in DMs or discord servers, and otherwise supported my writing--I appreciate all of you 💜

Some things to look forward to from me this coming year 👀

Malevolent

The last few chapters of whisky 🥃

Episode 20 time loop fic with themes of whump and heavy angst

Some assorted oneshots, including a Christmas PWP I really meant to have done last year and an exchange fic!

More selkie AU 🦭

TMA

Some assorted oneshots via the bunnies in the archives event that I'm participating in

A oneshot where Tim and Jon quit the Institute together in season 4 that I'm planning on finishing and posting!

A magic AU featuring magician Martin who may or may not have accidentally summoned a Jon by writing sad poetry. Featuring hurt/comfort, sickfic vibes, and a happy ending 💜

[horselover107]

5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Tagged by @toshsato

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

5)

It’s still a WIP (although we’re in the final stretch and I literally just updated it), but From the Dust Returned. It’s shaping up to be my longest on going fic by the time it’s completed. I’m super excited to see it through and eventually write the planned sequel in the series.

Malpractice I really love taking two characters never got to meet in canon and figuring out what their dynamic should be based on what we know about them. This fic was a really fun exercise in doing just that. Also Rupesh is super underrepresented in Torchwood fic/poorly utilized on the show itself, so it’s nice to have that character get a chance to shine in the spotlight a bit.

My Peace Has Always Depended on the Ashes in My Wake: So with anything released during a bang I think my first reaction is “holy shit I finished it! It actually exist!” But more than that —this was such a fun character piece. The ridiculous amount of Gwen Bashing in this fandom has always made me kind of weary of writing anything where she’s “the bad guy” because it runs the risk of getting comments like “yeah see she’s the worst”. This fic (and concept provided by Violet) kind of let me go “actually she’s a very sexy, very sympathetic villain with a badass hitlist and her very own badass coat in this AU. Sexy evil (complimentary) lady belongs to me”, and really draw off her love for loved ones from canon. Violet drew very pretty art for it and @torchwood-99 made a very badass video for it with one of my favorite songs from Tangled the Series, which I also adore.

Ain’t No Lie Baby (Bi, Bi, Bi) Look at my girl! Look at my bi girl. High key this one touched on some topics that are very personal for me

Let Me Keep You Warm sometimes I just enjoy tropey Janto fluff (with some character exploring elements). That’s what this is

4)

The From the Dust Returned Sequel. It’s going to be about Ianto trying to reconnect with his family/explain to them how he’s alive (and a robot now), while also finding out about Blind Summit. There’s something really interesting in Ianto and Rhiannon’s dynamic where if the audios are taken into account, they both think the other sibling was the one pushing them away, and keeping the other at arms length (meanwhile Ianto is pretty convinced he wants a relationship with his niece and nephew despite the fact he’s also paying them off not to bother them, and just, you know he somehow blames Rhiannon for the fact he does that).

Maybe this will be the year I finally finish and post that murder mystery party fic 😂

I’m not sure if WIPs that are currently partially posted count, but I’m excited to finish From the Dust Returned and Tell the World I’m Coming Home

3) I’ve gotten way better about finishing! I’ve finished two previously posted and at the time unfinished fics this year! And I’m on track to finish both WIPs I started this last year.

I think I’ve continued to grow with characterization. I tackled some characters I’ve never written before this year and really got to figure out what makes them tick.

Plot structure! I’ve gotten way better at shaping fics towards where I want them to go and the beats of the plot I want to hit.

2

Finish more stuff! I really want to write more this year and follow through on finishing what I started

I want to work on some original work this year. I don’t know what yet, but I want to begin plotting an original story again.

1. You know I have some serious answers to this, some really badass lines and gut punching dialogue. But no. We’re going to go with the entirety of Case File #69 but particularly:

“There have been some survivors that weren’t fully sucked, having gotten away beforehand. Medical examiners are describing them as appearing a bit ‘blue’. One of them plays for Manchester, the one with the ball sponsorship; you’ve seen them in Tesco. His balls are blue.”

I’m not sure who’s not been tagged yet, but low pressure tags for @ultraviolet-eucatastrophe @torchwood-99 @shejustcalledmeafish @violetmessages @monstermince and anyone that wants to do it

[iheartgarrus]

C, D, I, Q, and T

I didn't forget about you, I promise!

C. Get any good comments on your stuff this year? 

Every comment I've gotten has been lovely! But I have to say this one (on "The Walk Before the Run") gave me a BIG boost:

D. Any drawings or pictures that had a big influence on your writing?

None in particular, but great art is always inspiring. 🥰

I.  What’s your favorite work you did this year? Why?

Is it weird to pick one of my drabbles? Because at only 100 words, I was really proud of Stale for how I feel like I used small details to magnify the angst. It flew under the radar (and I know sadder stuff can do that sometimes, particularly when it's a rarepair), but I think it's one of my best executed pieces recently.

Q. Quote three bits of writing you read this year. Can be your writing, or not. 

I read @kalliesa's "Once in a Blue Moon" a few times while betaing it, and this bit squeezed my heart every time with its simple yet visceral imagery:

Six months since the Normandy had returned to earth. Six months since Garrus was sure he'd starve to death in the spacious, cutting-edge coffin that he once called home. Six months since he thought he'd never see Shepard again.

@dulcidyne's scene-setting and world-building skills are to die for, so here's something from her "Two Strangers Reunite at the Edge of the Galaxy" (which I'm admittedly a bit behind on but can't recommend enough):

A similar cough echoed in the distance, only much worse. It wasn’t a cough so much as a chorus of ugly hacking retches tapering into a rattling wheeze. A cough that bad said a lot of things. It said a lifetime on Omega and because lifetimes on this station didn’t last long, it said young . Too young for the beryl to finish off, but old enough to be firmly in its grip. That cough also said dangerous. Because anyone who could survive long enough for a cough that bad was someone who knew what it took to stay on the right side of Omega brutal legal system.

I've been banging pots and pans for months over @gefionne's Shictus fic, "Who But Lovers and Soldiers Endure" (and I just found her on tumblr! Hi!) so here's one short line that lives rent-free in my head just because of how it bowled me over despite its simplicity. I never think of gorgeous words like this!! Basically the whole fic I felt like I should be taking notes bc it's the kind of writing I want to learn from.

The press of her kiss was delectation.

T. Themes, motherfucker, do you have them? What are they?

Hmm, I think I wish I had more coherent themes, but I would say trust comes up a lot in my fics just because of how much of a Thing it is for Viola. Beyond that I can't think of anything in particular but if anyone has read my stuff and noticed something I'd love to hear it!

End of the Year Writing Meme

[geezerwench]

Michigan man searches for answers after dolls take over his mailbox: 'We've decided to live here'

Laura Colvin

Hometownlife.com

Published April 13, 2023

Michigan man searches for answers after dolls take over his mailbox: 'We've decided to live here'

Don Powell opened his mailbox one day last August and found, along with the usual mix of bills and pizza coupons, two small dolls sitting on a miniature couch near a tiny table.

The pair and their furniture came with a note: “We’ve decided to live here. Mary and Shelley.”

Powell first thought the homely wooden figurines – a man and a woman – were put in his mailbox by mistake. He wondered if someone in the neighborhood was playing a joke.

“I went around to the other homes on the cul-de-sac to see if anyone else had gotten dolls in their mailbox,” the 72-year-old said. “No one had. There’s a neighbor across the street named Shelly; I knocked on her door and asked if she had done it, but she said no.”

A psychologist by trade, Powell is president and CEO of the Michigan-based American Institute for Preventative Medicine, a company that facilitates worksite wellness programs for organizations and hospitals around the country.

He and wife Nancy ordered a custom mailbox after moving into their home in Orchard Lake, Michigan, about five years ago.

At 26 inches deep, the mailbox, while purposely not an exact replica, bears a striking resemblance to their home. The box features a spacious interior with an open floor plan and plenty of window to let in natural light. Solar powered ceiling lights illuminate the mailbox at night.

 

While it is against the law for someone other than the mailbox owner and the mail carrier to put items in a mailbox, Powell could see why a doll family might want to move in.

He was amused – although his first thought was to evict the couple and their belongings into the garbage can. But then, struck by a change of heart, he pushed the couple and their belongings to the back of the mailbox and went about his business.

That was just the beginning of the story. When Powell wasn’t looking, someone dropped off a dog for the couple living in the mailbox, along with a rug and even some art for the wall. Then came a four-poster bed.

“I thought, ‘OK, someone is really playing a joke on me,'” Powell said, admitting that by this time he was enamored by the situation and wanted to have some fun with it. “I didn’t think it was my neighbors.”

So he went on Nextdoor, a hyperlocal social networking service for neighborhoods.

In his first post on Nextdoor, Powell asked whether anyone would fess up and admit they put Mary and Shelley in his mailbox, or if they knew who did. No one came forward, so he posted again, joking that he’d contacted the police and asked them to do extra patrols of his mailbox.

“The whole thing got rather whimsical,” he said. “I have a quirky sense of humor.”

When Halloween rolled around, Mary and Shelley were mysteriously replaced by two dolls in skeleton costumes.

Around Christmas, Mary and Shelley reappeared with miniature-sized gifts for their mailbox home. Powell took pictures and documented it all on Nextdoor.

“The response (on Nextdoor) was just incredible,” he said. “People were saying, ‘This is so much fun to read, I was ready to get off of Nextdoor, but this makes me want to stay.’” 

Many posters, he said, were leaving comments and sending Powell messages asking for the next installment. 

At some point, a second mystery note appeared, claiming the Mary and Shelley dolls formerly lived in a two-story Dutch-style doll house, but had decided Powell’s mailbox house was more accommodating for their cousin Shirley – a third figurine with a broken leg – who sometimes visited the couple.

“Then, after (February) ice storm, I did a post that said the family was locked in the mailbox and couldn’t get out,” Powell said. “Somebody asked if they lost power, I said ‘No, they don’t have power to begin with, but they do have a wood burning stove and were working from home.’”

In the beginning, Powell said, he was worried the mail carrier would stop delivering the mail. But given the large size of the mailbox, space has not been an issue. Calls to the West Bloomfield Post Office went unanswered.

Meanwhile, his wife, Nancy, said she’s been enjoying the saga and likes to see when new things are added to the mailbox – but doesn’t get as worked up about it as her husband.

“It's very cute, “she said. “I get a laugh out of it…it’s a good positive thing, especially during these crazy times."

Powell said no new furniture or other items have arrived in the last month or so. Still, at this point, he’s not sure he’s ready to learn the true identity of the person who brought Mary and Shelley into his life. 

“I’m kind of enjoying the mystery,” he said. “I look forward to new things being added to the mailbox.”

The author of numerous health-related books, Powell says the experience has given him a new idea.

“I am thinking, given the reaction (on Nextdoor), of writing a children’s book,” he said. “I think it creates a novel story.”

originally posted in USA Today

[ectogeo-rebubbles]

Thanks for the tag, @sapphosewrites (back in like May or something but I didn’t finish replying to it then) and @misty-feathers (today)! <3 Also, wow I haven’t done this particular ask game in like 3 years???? It feels like it was more recent than that lmao.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

93 (+ 8 that are anonymous bc no one really needs to look at my extremely old homestuck fic/art/whatever, lmao)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

212,675. Hell yeahhhh, I can’t believe I’ve passed 200k!!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

DS9.

4. Top 5 Fics By Kudos

the spy who married me

latent attraction

vicarious

the spy who came in from the cold

save tonight (tomorrow I’ll be gone)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I’ve gotten worse at that lately, though. Like, I get in a cycle sometimes where I feel bad for not replying to every comment, and then that makes replying to the backlog of comments even more daunting. I love getting comments, though, and I love replying to comments too, it’s so much fun interacting with my readers, and mutually inspiring each other (and so I really don’t get why it also can feel so hard to do sometimes lol).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This question was hard last time I answered it because I didn’t have many fics with angsty enough endings to qualify, but now I’ve been on a whumpier kick and I have too many to choose from. XD

Like… Hmm. A Professional Interest and nightmare are both very much hurt/no comfort, but they are told from the POV of the one doing the hurting, so maybe not those bc that feels like a different category?

I think my answer has to be the world will never take my heart. That fic is about “heroic” self-sacrificing behaviors being functionally no different from self-destructive ones, and showing the capacity for this kind of self-destructive selflessness in both Garak and Bashir. And then, instead of either of them improving at all in this regard, the fic ends with them each doubling down on their self-sacrificial tendencies. <3 To me that makes for a very deliciously bleak ending (even though the circumstances they’re in are temporary).

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the next thirty, because it’s set 30 years after Garak and Julian’s first meeting, and it’s about how they are still just as in love (and in lust) with each other as ever. Old, married Garashir, my beloved!!! <3

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! (Well, not since the dark days of well-meaning - but nevertheless devastating - “concrit” on ff.net.)

9. Do you write smut?

HELL YEAH!!!! ^_^ <3 Over 50% of my fics now are E- or M-rated, hehehehe. I feel like this is a big change from the last time I answered this question, which was BEFORE I’d specifically worked on developing my smut writing skills because I NEEDED so, I lied, I cheated to contain sex scenes that I personally would actually want to reread. XD

10. Craziest crossover

I don’t have any crossover fics on ao3 and tbh I’m unwilling to talk about the cringe that’s on my teenaged ff.net account (as in the account itself is old enough to be a teenager, AND as in I was a teen back when I was posting there lmao). But I did have one crossover fic there (under a different username. this was so long ago). You’ll just have to imagine it, I guess.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. People are welcome to translate or podfic my fics! :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Hmmm. Sort of? I have sort of co-written two fics (The Inherent Homoeroticism of Citizenship Paperwork and Whisper a Dangerous Secret) where sapphose threw out a small snippet on tumblr and then, with permission, I took it and ran with it because I felt compelled to expand upon the idea. I also wrote a follow up (Honesty Cums Easy) to one of @cemetrygatess' fics (You Make My Dreams (Cum True)), and I'm working on a fic set within the universe of one of dreamerdrop's series (Abscess 'Verse).... But does any of that count as co-writing? XD

I also wrote an installment in a round robin one time. (I’ve also done a round robin in DMs with some friends for funsies, but then I was the one who accidentally killed that by never writing the next part of it. 😭) Again, is that co-writing?

I’ve also made specific plans to co-author some fics before, but that’s never quite worked out. I think I agree to these collabs easily and enthusiastically, but then when it comes down to working on them I get too self-critical of my own writing (or of my own writing SCHEDULE, which is chaos and nonsense bc I am fully beholden to the whims of adhd lol), and I don’t want to let my potential co-authors down, and then it fizzles. So yeah, seems like I am more successful with ambushing other people’s fics with continuations than with co-writing in other ways??? XD Maybe/hopefully that will change someday?

14. All time favorite ship?

Garashir. <3

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I really don’t like this question. I started drafting a reply to this set of questions back in May this year, and my response to this question was about how I felt despair that I will likely never ever finish my soulmate wip..... which is currently, in December, the WIP that I am feeling the most excited about and closest to posting. So like what the fuck ever, I refuse to take part in predicting my own failure!!!! Things just take time! lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

Exploring interesting character dynamics. Plotting a fic out. Creating tension. Writing weird alien smut, maybe? Writing utterly ridiculous premises with juuuust enough nods to canon that people are like “ohhhh this is insane but you somehow made it believable???” ^_^ Or maybe these are just all the things I want to be good at.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue (I have def been improving at it, but making conversations flow well and seem realistic and actually sound like the characters is still def the hardest part of writing for me). Coming up with titles. Also, maintaining a consistent writing schedule/staying focused on a single WIP until it is done, hahahahahaha.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

My answer from last time (3 years ago) was “No thoughts, head empty, star trek brand Universal Translator on…” and yeah that still applies. TBH I mostly feel like this is an out of the blue question among the rest of this list??? My thoughts are it’s usually not necessary, but like obviously It Depends???????

19. Favorite fic you've written?

my answer from May: This changes on a frequent basis but right now I’m really feeling nothing to hide. The structure of interleaving flashbacks and a conversation about the events of the flashbacks worked just soooo well, it made the pacing so snappy. And also while writing it I felt like I’d unlocked a secret cheat code to writing dialogue because I didn’t need to connect all the dialogue up into one coherent block, I could just put a flashback whenever I couldn’t think what one of them would say next lmaoooooo, and it somehow worked SO WELL.

my answer from right now: you’re a criminal as long as you’re mine. Look, I just think Garak and Sisko should messily hook up in the early seasons, that’s all. ^_^ <3 I also really like thinking about what kinds of things Sisko asks of Garak and what Garak is willing to do for him and how early that all starts (like, Second Skin as a very distant precursor to ITPM).

20. What's something you want to write someday?

This is hard bc if I WANT to write it then I almost certainly have already made a wip document for it and STARTED writing it. XD I guess I really want to COMPLETE a multichapter garashir fic in the horror genre someday. (Come through for me, Sub Rosa sloanshir+garashir wip, aka “I Will Possess Your Heart” 🥰💕💖)

~

No pressure tagging @dreamerdrop , @hellostuffedtiger, and literally anyone who wants to do this!

20 fanfic questions

originally tagged by @el-dritchknight! Thanks for the tag!

No pressure tagging: @misty-feathers, @elemental-queen-writes, anyone else who wants to.

How many works do you have on ao3? 16

2. What's your total ao3 word count?  38,490

3. What fandoms do you write for? Deep Space 9 and Sun Haven

4. Top five fics by kudos: 

Best Face Forward

I’m Glad it’s You

Zipped up

It’s a… Deal

Awake

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? The Perek Flower & The Meya Lily It’s not finished because I’m still working on things in the middle. But I have the ending planned.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Over the Moon and Back Series Same deal as above. Not finished but the ending’s planned

8. Do you get hate on fics? no(t yet)

9. Do you write smut? Yes >:)

10. Craziest crossover? I haven’t done any yet :(

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No(t that I know of)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but I’d be down to. It sounds fun.

14. All-time favorite ship? Garak x my oc (Mara)

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I am committed to finishing TPF&TML and Over the Moon and Back, but the Kinktober series I started last year looks like it’s going to go unfinished unfortunately. 

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Transitions and expanding on my ideas. I always struggled to meet the page count in college.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I always say you can do whatever you want forever. *lowers glasses* is there discourse on this? I’m not in the loop. 

19. Favorite fic you've written? The Perek Flower & The Meya Lily It’s my baby

20. What's something you want to write someday? Hmm… I’d like to write an original fiction work, but I fear I wouldn’t do any of my ideas justice.

[tyonfs]

i like me better (when i’m with you)

PAIRING ▸ jeong jaehyun x fem!reader 

GENRES ▸ friends to enemies to lovers, college au, sports, friends with benefits, smut, crack, fluff 

WARNINGS ▸ sexual !! tension !! lots of it, smut (public sex, fingering, hate sex, raw sex, pool sex, oral sex), mark lee cockblocking, also yes, there’s actual fluff

SUMMARY ▸ there was no one else on the planet that made your blood boil like jeong jaehyun did. you never thought your feelings toward him were anything past pure hatred, but when you were lost in the feeling of his lips on yours and his hands on your body, you couldn’t help but think that maybe a part of you didn’t completely hate his guts. 

PLAYLIST ▸ i like me better by lauv • unravel me by sabrina claudio

WORD COUNT ▸ 11896 words

TAG LIST ▸ @gotoartistprofile @chanluster​ @steamyjaehyun

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ big shoutout to fia for hyping me up to complete this and i hope you guys enjoy it !! thank you so much for reading ♡ part of the dunk shot! series but can be read separately!

SOMETIMES, THE AMOUNT OF HATRED YOU HAD FOR JEONG JAEHYUN AMAZED YOU.

To the average human being, Jeong Jaehyun was, in a sense, perfect. On the surface, he was everyone’s trademark Golden Boy—good grades, athletic, and a seemingly good personality. The last point, however, was a complete and utter lie. Simply put, Jaehyun was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you, unfortunately, wound up becoming his target.

If it weren’t for your love for cheerleading, you probably would never have to see Jaehyun, but your passion came with a price. Competitors were often asked a series of questions, and these questions typically included inquiring about your hardships as an athlete. If someone were to ask you what the hardest part of being a cheerleader was, your answer would not be what they expected.

It wasn’t getting back up after bad falls that left you with bruises and a concussion. It wasn’t dealing with the basketball team’s aftermath of a devastating loss and having to cheer them on through it. It wasn’t waking up extra early for morning practices, or having to push yourself to run miles in the sweltering heat. Hell, it wasn’t even dealing with the horny basketball team members at afterparties.

It was the annual training camp.

Every winter, the team attended a week-long training session along with several other teams in the city. With state-of-the-art facilities and a massive training center, the training camp was an event that the entire team looked forward to. Although the training was brutal, the luxury of the hotel rooms and the gourmet meals had made up for all of that. Yet, despite all of that, the camp itself was still hell for you.

It wasn’t all bad, though. In fact, you indulged in the concept of a training camp, delighted with the opportunity to meet cheerleaders from different universities. A handful of your friends from high school had joined teams at different universities, so it was exciting to get to see them all again. All in all, it was the whole package deal: friends, your favorite sport, and fun times. What could possibly ruin that?

Well, a certain someone by the name of Jeong Jaehyun could, and that wonderful individual incensed your fury quite like no other.

“You again,” you spat, clutching your duffel bag strap. You had just gotten off the bus to head into the hotel, but the devil himself was blocking your way.

“Y/N,” the devil cooed, “do you need help carrying that?”

“I’m fine.”

You shrugged Jaehyun off and tried to move past him, but the bane of your existence had other plans. He tossed you a small carton of milk; it was the kind you could buy at a vending machine. Your reflexes kicked in just in time for you to catch it, giving him a questioning look.

“You should be drinking more milk, Y/N. It’s good for you,” Jaehyun said. You were sure he was going to make a snide comment so you opened your mouth to protest, but he continued, “Jaemin likes big tits, you know?”

Ouch.

You and Jaehyun went farther back than you’d like to admit. While you did currently attend different universities, you had the joyous experience of going to the same high school as him. He wasn’t too different now; he had the same dimpled smile, the same godly features, and the same cocky smirk when things were going the way he planned. What was different was that you two were once friends.

And what took the cake? You had a big crush on his friend and fellow teammate. Introducing Na Jaemin, everyone.

It wasn’t like you never got over Jaemin, but you had to admit that your heart still fluttered pitifully whenever you saw him. It didn’t help that he was so breathtakingly beautiful, so undeniably genuine, and such a sweetheart. Unfortunately, Jaehyun knew of your little secret. Being the conniving little snake he was, he used it to his advantage.

Ever since your fallout with him in your senior year of high school, you’ve hated Jeong Jaehyun, and you were sure he hated you right back. It almost felt akin to the competition at this point, and you were a pretty sore loser. Honestly, you were sad initially when he broke off your friendship in senior year and threw crude insults at you. You normally didn’t let things get to you, but it hurt to hear that your best friend didn’t want anything to do with you after you had told him you were going to a different university. You were sure the both of you had grown past that, but now he had changed from a sincere highschooler to a complete low-life piece of shit.

“You’re a douche, Jaehyun,” you sneered.

A grin spread across his face. “Yeah, I know.”

You scoffed. “God, if I could, I would smash that pretty face into—”

“Hey!” a loud voice laced with trepidation interjected. It was your best friend on your school’s basketball team, Mark Lee, coming to your rescue; or, rather, he was trying to prevent you from doing something you’d most probably regret. He shot Jaehyun a warning look and slung an arm around your shoulders. “Y/N, what’re you doing here? We have to check into our hotel rooms.”

You looked back at Jaehyun to see a smug look on his face before he turned to catch up to Taeyong and Jaemin. You looked back up at Mark, who was also keeping an eye out for the demon in disguise.

“Thanks for getting me out of that mess,” you mumbled. “That guy is so infuriating. I can’t believe he still brings up Jaemin when I’m clearly over him!”

Your words were sharp enough that Mark and the people around you flinched, even if they weren’t completely paying attention to your rant. It was common knowledge that Jaehyun’s presence left you in low spirits, and Mark had come to terms that you would always be in a bitter mood during the training camp, and that there was only one person to blame for it.

Mark shot you a sympathetic look that you knew was intended to show his helpfulness, but instead just served to make you appear all the more bitter.

“Why don’t you just ignore him?” he suggested. “He’s just looking for a reaction out of you.”

“If I let him get the last word, then he wins.”

“At least he’d stop bothering you,” Mark reasoned as you both made your way to where your team had gathered by the reception desk.

“Is this about Jaehyun again?” Zhong Chenle chimed in, a devilish grin plastered across his face. “You’re a handful, Y/N.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” you snapped.

Chenle just stared at you, arching a brow as if the answer should have been obvious. “You and Jaehyun,” he said, “there’s some tension there.”

“Wow, Sherlock Holmes. Observant, aren’t you?” you spat, words dripping with sarcasm. “We’ve hated each other for years. Of course there’s tension.”

Johnny Suh snorted, averting his gaze as to not bring attention to himself. Chenle rolled his eyes, a delighted smile on his face as he watched you carefully, digging into his bag of chips in the meantime.

“Y/N, I think he means a different kind of tension,” Mark said.

“What kind of tension?” you asked, shocking the rest of them with your surprisingly innocent response. In retrospect, it was more because you couldn’t imagine the answer being anything past the realm of hatred.

While they all hesitated to respond, Johnny spoke up, “He meant the ‘I wanna beat you up and then have rough sex with you’ kind of tension.”

You immediately froze—long enough for Chenle to take a picture of your reaction—the expression on your face a cross between incredulity and visceral rage. You must have looked like a ticking time bomb because Mark had to take a cautious step back.

“Come again? Rough sex?” You were well aware of how strangled and pitched your voice sounded as soon as it escaped your lips, how guilty it sounded, but you couldn’t focus on that as the weight of Johnny’s words were sinking in. “Jaehyun and I?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Johnny answered.

“That’s a lie.”

“Yeah? Then why do you two always look at each other so weird?”

You didn’t know how to defend yourself now so you just said, “He’s a bastard and I would never see him in any other way.”

“You say that now but we all know—”

“Alright, let’s drop it,” Mark said, trying to defuse the situation before you blew it up into an argument. “I would rather go rest in my hotel room rather than bear witness to a homicide.”

“Fine, fine,” Johnny relented.

You scoffed and jabbed at his foot with yours before letting the topic go. Your squabbles with them were all in good nature, but this one somehow put you off. It was like Johnny had planted the seeds and were waiting for them to grow. You were starting to mull over every interaction you’ve had with Jeong Jaehyun.

Johnny and Chenle had made a startlingly accurate observation. You and Jaehyun did look at each other for a little too long sometimes, nearly to the point where it seemed like you were basking in the attention of the other—

No fucking way.

You were not going down that path. There was nothing more to your relationship with Jeong Jaehyun than pure hatred and resentment. He was a douchebag who was intent on making you feel like shit. His only motive was to start shit again between you and Jaemin, who you would’ve completely forgotten by now if it weren’t for him.

No way. There was absolutely no undercurrent of desire that was creeping its way to be uncovered.

Or was there? a small, treacherous part of your mind offered.

You were lost in your thoughts as the coaches handed you your room key, as you waited for your roommate who was some girl named Eunha from the other school, as you made your way to your room on the fifth floor.

The only thing you could think about were those long stares, those mesmerizing eyes, and the implication behind them. You always attributed it to Jaehyun being a hormonal teenage boy, but you had to admit that you’ve seen him look at you with some semblance of lust. Perhaps that same feeling was buried far in the depths of your consciousness, too.

Could you possibly be attracted to the devil incarnate, Jeong Jaehyun?

No, you argued with yourself, and shit, even your frontal lobe sounded pretty unconvinced. He’s a petty bastard and that’s all he’ll ever be.

You instilled the mantra of you and Jaehyun being sworn enemies in your head, but you couldn’t help the fact that it was peppered by the memories of an irritatingly familiar smirk. You scowled, willing your head to get rid of all-things-Jeong-Jaehyun, but he was right there.

Literally.

He was standing right in front of you.

“Hey, neighbor,” he teased, all too satisfied with the horrified look on your face. “Guess you can’t get rid of me.”

You were falling when you jolted awake.

A groan tore its way past your lips. You made sure you didn’t disrupt Eunha’s sleep before you recounted your dream. It had been a while since you’ve had one, and realization was morphing into shame when you realized what kind of dream it was. You’ve never had a wet dream before but what made you want to astral project yourself into oblivion was when you realized that Jaehyun caused it.

After tossing and turning for a couple of minutes in a desperate attempt for sleep to overcome you once more, you came to terms with the fact that you were staying awake for now. Staying awake was worse, though, because there was no way you could keep the intruding thoughts at bay. Not with the way Jeong Jaehyun kept flashing behind your eyelids, at least.

You considered how to spend the rest of your night, surveying your options as you stared up at the ceiling:

Watch season three of Riverdale on Netflix so you could make fun of it.

Attempt to sleep, but with little success because there was no way you were going back to bed after that dream.

Count the slacks of the window’s blinds even though it would be pointless because what the fuck were you going to do with that information?

It was truly astounding how interesting your life was.

You couldn’t think clearly with Eunha’s soft snoring, so you grabbed your keys and pushed the door open carefully to keep it from squealing. After your delicate movements to escape your room quietly, you leaned against the wall and let out a sigh of relief. You weren’t too keen on someone scolding you in the middle of the night for being outside, but you needed to clear your head somewhere. You packed for weather that was balmy, but the air conditioner carried a bite to it that made you wish you hadn’t just worn shorts and a tank top to bed.

You could practically hear Mark mocking you if he were here: Are you in the right headspace, Y/N?

You shook your head, getting your provoking best friend out of there, but instead, you found yourself wandering into dangerous territory again.

Johnny and Chenle were parroting the same words over and over again in your head. You wished you could use your metaphysical hands in your head and squeeze the life out of them, but they always flew out of your grasp. You clicked your tongue absentmindedly, your annoyance rehashing itself as your mind gravitated back to Jeong Jaehyun with his stupid smirk and annoyingly persistent cockiness. It was almost pitiful that you hated his guts and yet you couldn’t deny the magnetism he carried, the pull that made your breath hitch when he met your eyes.

His presence was announced by the change in the air more than anything else. You didn’t have to see him to know he was there. You clenched your jaw; you couldn’t catch a break from him even during the ungodly hours of the night.

He was unavoidable.

He hummed with amusement. “Look who’s here.”

“What are you doing up this late? Go to bed.”

You didn’t even bother to look at him because there was one thing you were sure of and it was that you could not look at his sickeningly attractive face right now. Jaehyun didn’t move, blatantly ignoring your order. The tension was so thick that you wanted to storm away, but you knew he would follow you just to piss you off.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “You should be the one resting up. You cheerleaders always train until you’re near death.”

“Can’t sleep,” was your curt response.

He laughed once, a short sound that was pretty much gone the moment it hit your eardrums. “What? You get nightmares or something?”

“So what if I do?” you retaliated, getting oddly defensive. It was a given that you’d lie about getting a nightmare over a wet dream. “It’s none of your business.”

He laughed again but this time it was lower, more dangerous. “It’s my business when it concerns you.”

“I have and will never be your business, Jeong Jaehyun.”

He leaned against the wall. “I beg to differ.”

“Then keep begging.”

“If you say so.”

“Jaehyun,” you interrupted your own banter. “What’s the point of this conversation? Just go back to your room so we can go back to not talking to each other.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“That’s unfortunate,” you said. “I don’t want to talk to you, so go find someone who does.”

“We don’t have to talk.” Suddenly, his voice sounded closer, and you forced your gaze down at the strangely-patterned hotel carpet.

You swallowed thickly. “I’m here to clear my head. I don’t want you to hover around me for the rest of the night.”

“Actually, I had something else in mind.”

He closed in on you, one of his hands skimming up the soft skin of your arm. A shudder ran down your spine as you felt his fingers travel up to your shoulder, your collarbone, and then the side of your neck. With a swift movement, he caged you in his arms, biceps flexing as he did.

What was going on? You couldn’t quite keep up with the situation but the way Jaehyun was looking down at you made you feel hot. It was exactly like your dream—

“Holy fuck, Jaehyun.”

You couldn’t stop the words from escaping your lips when you felt his hot breath on your neck. Your head went fuzzy and you were pretty sure your knees were ready to buckle under you. The corner of Jaehyun’s lip lifted into a smirk as if he had been planning this. You mustered a scowl at him but one thing was clear: you screwed yourself over by getting into this situation.

Damn it. You knew you should’ve watched season three of Riverdale instead

Also, Chenle and Johnny were right. Not that you’d ever tell them that; put simply, you were a sore loser.

Lust was swimming in Jaehyun’s eyes. The way he caged you felt predatory, a show of dominance rather than passion. That smirk of his carved in deeper, and it only pissed you off. Yet, as much as it pissed you off, all you wanted him to do was just ruin you.

Your pride was too strong, though, and you concluded that you would rather stick a fork in your eye than let Jaehyun do what he wanted. This sparked a dilemma in your head: to fuck or not to fuck Jaehyun, that was the question. One sounded like a pretty uneventful night, while the other sounded appealing save for the self-loathing you’d experience afterward.

“You want me, Y/N,” he cooed. “I know you do.”

“I hate you.”

“Trust me, I know.”

“I mean it, Jaehyun,” you hissed. Your head was screaming at you to just go with it, but denying Jaehyun’s advances and provokes was just natural instinct to you. “I don’t want you. Stop lying to yourself.”

“Is that so? I think you’re the liar here,” he replied easily as you dodged his attempt to kiss you.

You pushed at his muscular arm but he didn’t budge. For a moment, you strongly considered just dropping to the ground and crawling out from under his legs, but you were done for. Seconds later, Jaehyun’s hand flew up, long fingers digging into the soft flesh of your face as he forced your chin upward to look at him directly. The lust in his eyes was so clear, so alluring, and it made you stop struggling for a second.

“I’m not going to ask you again. Let go of me.”

“Good, it’s a waste of breath.”

“Has anyone ever told you how infuriating you are?”

“You did. Many times.”

“Just fuck off already.”

Your words were like poison, but for some odd reason, Jaehyun was immune to it. Any reasonable person would at least flinch, but Jaehyun was so fixated on his one goal. Again, he didn’t budge. He gazed into your eyes with a fierce intensity that threw you off.

“Just let me fucking kiss you, Y/N.”

His smirk was gone. He wasn’t teasing you anymore. Jaehyun’s eyes darkened with his command.

He leaned in and you could feel his hot breath fanning your lips, drinking in your appearance. You were pulled into his trap and you hated yourself for it. You swallowed hard as all of your worries about being with Jaehyun and getting caught had started to fade away. All you could do was yield to him.

“Fine,” you whispered.

“Good girl,” was all he got out before basically smashing your lips together.

It was rushed, messy, and way too rough. Jaehyun grabbed the back of your neck, his other arm still locking you in place. Your hands moved from gripping at the front of his shirt to slowly wrapping around his neck. You weren’t sure how you felt, but there was something that made you want to tangle your fingers in his hair and get lost in him.

The moment Jaehyun’s tongue slid along the crease of your lips, you were conflicted. You weren’t exactly sure what to do so he took the reins. You wondered if he was expressing his pent-up hatred as well. It was clear in the way he was taking prying your mouth open with his tongue, snaking his hot muscle to dance with yours as if he had something to prove. He wanted you to see that he was the dominant one, that he had leverage over the situation.

But when he broke away, he flipped the switch. The both of you were left catching your breath, Jaehyun resting his forehead against yours in a feeling that had a weird sort of intimacy stemming from it. His hand dropped from your neck to brush messy locks of hair behind your shoulders.

Well, that explained why humans were so tempted by the devil.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jaehyun grinned down at you.

You fought down the shyness that was creeping into your chest. Before you could respond, the both of you turned your heads at the sound of footsteps. A flashlight glimpsed by you when you saw two dark figures at the end of the hall. It didn’t sound like your coach, but you weren’t too keen on sticking around to figure out who it was.

“Son, how in the world did you get locked out of your room this late?” one of them asked.

“I’m telling you, I needed to use the bathroom so I went outside without my key, and then I remembered the bathroom was in the room.”

That voice was most definitely Mark.

“Hey!” the security guard scolded when he saw you two. “What are you kids doing? It’s late!”

“You’re on your own.” You pushed Jaehyun away from you and fumbled for your keys before Mark or the security guard could spot you. “Bye.”

You jammed your key in, not worried about waking up your roommate anymore. All you could hear was Jaehyun growling out a short string of curses before you shut the door behind him and leaned against it. Your head was still reeling in what had just happened, but that kiss had left you in the clouds. You could feel the ghost of his lips on yours. Dazed, you just fell onto your bed, into the entrancing clutches of sleep.

You were exhausted when you woke up, and you blamed Jaehyun for it.

You weren’t in the proper condition for training; you hadn’t gotten enough sleep and your head was a mess (well, you supposed you were the only one to blame for the latter). You forgot to set your alarm so you woke up to Eunha shaking you gently, coaxing you into stirring. She was already dressed, tying her hair up in a ponytail. You all but jumped out of bed when you saw her, thinking you were late.

“What time is it?” you asked groggily, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you stood up and tried to adjust to the morning light.

“You’ve still got plenty of time,” she assured you. “I just like to get ready early so I can go for a quick run.”

“Ah, okay. Have fun,” you mumbled before she left the room, leaving you to drag yourself around the room to get ready. You heard a knock at the door and went to open it, assuming it was Eunha forgetting her keys. Your eyes narrowed when you saw who it was. “Jaehyun?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” His voice was somewhere between a pant and a rasp as if he had been working out, which he probably was judging by the sheen of sweat on his biceps.

“Were you waiting for Eunha to leave?” you asked. “You’re disgusting. Why would you think about me?”

“I was thinking about how much of a bitch you are for running away and letting me get in trouble like that.”

“Pity.” You mocked a pout for him. “Now move. I have to get ready.”

“Let me in.”

You made a face at the thought. You knew where he was going with this and you needed to stop it. “No. You’re disgusting.”

“You liked it last night.”

His eyes searched yours in the dim light, looking for something that unfortunately was there: longing. You were never the greatest at hiding your emotions, which was why you couldn’t lie to yourself and refuse Jaehyun. Screw your transparency. Jaehyun grinned at your silence and took a step in your room when you opened your door wider for him.

You closed the door. “I hated every second of it,” you said in a childish attempt to get on his nerves.

You were a terrible liar.

Your back was against the door in a second. You could only let out a soft gasp before he kissed you, hands on your waist, slowing his movements unlike the hurriedness from last night. It was foreign, the way he kissed you like you were the only girl he saw. You pulled away quickly but it just left the both of you staring at each other’s lips.

“You sure about that?” His lips curled into a smirk.

“Don’t get me wrong,” you warned in a low voice, “I still hate your guts.”

“As I’m reminded of every single time I see you,” he returned coolly.

“Fuck off.”

This time, you pulled him down to kiss him again. You fisted your hand into his hair, tugging at his dark locks as your lips moved smoothly against his. Caught off guard, Jaehyun groaned, low and deep against your lips.

The two of you separated again before Jaehyun said, “See? I know you want me. Only I can make you feel this good, Y/N.”

You scoffed. “We’ll see about that.”

Jaehyun’s eyes darkened at the challenge. To prove his point, he pushed his knee up and between your legs, pressing against your clothed cunt. A gasp escaped your lips, the fingers curled in his hair instinctively tightening. You bit your lip but to no avail; a whimper escaped your lips as soon as he started pulsing his knee against you. You grabbed onto his shoulders for leverage, burying your face into his chest while bunching up the thin fabric of his shirt.

You wanted to hold back your moans because you were adamant about not giving Jeong Jaehyun the satisfaction of hearing you moan. Instead, you shifted your hips so that the pressure of his knee became more intense. Sparks flew behind your eyelids as he bounced his knee under you.

He finally released the tight grip he had on your waist in favor of palming one of your breasts, squeezing it firmly through your shirt and bra. All the while, he continued ramming his knee against the apex of your legs. He kept his eyes on yours and you scowled at the thought of him getting off on seeing you crumble in front of him. But you couldn’t stop yourself. He wanted to completely and utterly ruin you, wanted to fuck you in and shut you up.

The worst part was that you wanted to let him.

“You’re so cute when you’re like this,” he mused, slowly rubbing his knee in circles against you. “God, you’re still wearing that fucking tank top.”

“You’re such a—ah!”

He groped your chest again, thumb pressing down on your nipple. Another whimper escaped you as Jaehyun grazed his lips down your neck, nipping at the supple skin. You only got louder as the kisses turned into bites.

He ignored you and removed his hand. Instead, he tugged the neckline of your tank top down, delighted at the loose straps sliding down your shoulders. He yanked it down to your waist so you were exposed to him, and you swore you heard his breath hitch. Jaehyun pinched your nipple with two fingers, drawing out a moan that drove him crazy. He buried his face into your neck, sucking and making you quiver under him.

“Didn’t you say I had small tits earlier?” you jeered, a teasing lilt to your tone.

“Yeah, I still stand by that,” he replied, resulting in you punching his shoulder.

“Asshole.”

“Hey, I never said it wasn’t cute.”

“You’re such a softie,” you grumbled, but your voice was gentler than before. It was almost like you were warming up to Jeong Jaehyun, and you hated the mere thought of that.

Jaehyun pulled away from your neck. “Y/N, I want you to suck me off,” he demanded.

“I refuse.”

“Be a good girl and do it for me.”

You swore you’d go crazy if he called you ‘good girl’ one more time. You were pretty revolted at the thought of sucking his dick, but the way he looked so fragile under your hold made you want to do it for the power rush. It was like some cheap porno in a way; ‘College Jock Gets Sucked Off By Cheerleader.’ You bet half the members on the team beat their meat to something similar to that.

Your shoulders sagged. “Fine. Get on the bed.”

Jaehyun groaned at your approval. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said, letting go of you to pull down his sweats on his way to your bed. He sat at the edge of it, tugging the elastic of his boxers down. You swallowed hard, tugging your tank top back up as you stared at his painfully hard erection springing out.

You got on your knees in front of him, lips parted in anticipation of taking in his length. Your hair fell over your face, which Jaehyun took notice of and held it back in a fist. Taking a deep breath, you wrapped your hand around his cock. It was rock solid to the touch and twitched at your grip. Glancing up at an eager Jaehyun, you pumped the length of it once, inciting a groan from him.

You wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, rousing a strangled noise from his throat. He looked down at you through half-lidded eyes, messy strands of your hair tangling in his fingers while his other hand was gripping the stiff hotel sheets. Then, you took him in fully at his encouragement (which was more of him just grabbing the back of your head and pushing it down on his cock).

“Shit,” he breathed out before slowly moving his hips in and out of your mouth. It was like iron wrapped around velvet, and he was relishing how hot your mouth felt.

He pushed your head down further and right as you gagged on his length, there was a knock at the door.

“Y/N!” Mark’s voice sounded from the other side. “Are you coming for breakfast?”

You pulled off of him with a pop, a string of saliva dripping off your lips. Your eyes were wide as you lunged for your phone, checking the texts. Meanwhile, Jaehyun just frowned down at you, looking up at the ceiling with a frustrated sigh.

“Holy fuck,” you muttered when you looked at the time. You called out to Mark, “Give me a minute!”

“Perfect,” Jaehyun said in a low voice and held the back of your head, attempting to push you down on him. “We can finish up now.”

“Are you an idiot?” you hissed, swatting at his hand. “I have to get out of here before Mark finds out you’re in here.”

Ignoring your state of panic, Jaehyun said, “You look so hot with drool on your chin.”

That was the most disgusting thing you had ever heard, and if it weren’t for Mark being on the other side of the door where you and Jaehyun were screwing around, you would have beat the living daylights out of him. Only a creep like Jeong Jaehyun could find something like drool sexy. You scowled at him and wiped it off with the back of your hand.

“Put your dick away,” you scolded. “Hide in the closet and you can leave when I’m gone.”

He rolled his eyes at you and stood up, making his way to the bathroom. “I need to get rid of the problem you caused.”

You had no time to complain about him jerking off in your bathroom. Mark was not a very patient man, so as soon as Jaehyun closed the door behind him, you stripped off your pajamas and threw on whatever was at the top of your suitcase. You brushed your teeth at the speed of light, using your other hand to brush down your hair. After you laced up your shoes, you opened the door to Mark looking at you suspiciously.

“You’re never late,” he pointed out.

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” you said. In your defense, it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Oh, by the way,” Mark started, “can I use your bathroom real quick?”

“No!” you exclaimed, pushing him away from your room and in the direction of the elevator. “My roommate, um, is… on her period—yeah, you don’t want to see that mess.”

Another reason why you hated Jeong Jaehyun was for giving you reasons to lie when you were a terrible liar.

Training was long and grueling. Your bones were mush and your muscles ached, pins and needles shooting through you every time you moved. As your teammates dragged you to get dinner with them, you couldn’t even resist because you were so drained.

The one thing you loved about training was that you could wear whatever you wanted, whereas you were confined to tight skirts and crop tops at your university. Now, you could rest in whatever position you wanted without worrying about exposing anything, so you didn’t hesitate to manspread as soon as you got to the cafeteria table.

“Did you guys hear about Jaehyun from the other school?” one of the girls gossiped. “Looks like he was fooling around with someone last night.”

You were grounded back into reality from whatever dimension you were floating about in. Your teammates were perplexed as you choked on air, hitting your chest to stop yourself from coughing. You were handed a glass of water, which you gingerly accepted and drank until your body had calmed down.

“Ah, sorry, Y/N,” your teammate apologized. “I forgot you and Jaehyun have bad blood between you.”

“You’re good,” you told her, waving it off. “I was surprised for a second, but I guess it makes sense for a guy like him to go around hooking up.” Then, silence fell. You were confused as they all looked at you with a puzzled look. “What? Am I stereotyping too harshly? My bad.”

“No, it’s not that,” another chimed in. “A lot of girls go around hitting on him, but Jaehyun never lays a hand on them. I thought it was common knowledge that he doesn’t do that sort of stuff, but I guess it makes sense that you don’t care about the details.”

That was news to you.

“Yeah,” you replied distantly. “I don’t care.”

So Jaehyun doesn’t hook up, was what you happened to hear around the grapevine, and he most definitely doesn’t hook up with his enemies.

You stood up in the middle of your dinner. “I gotta go,” you said. “I’ll see you girls tomorrow.”

You actually weren’t very sure where Jaehyun was, but you figured if you walked around enough, you’d run into him or someone from his team. You headed out of the canteen and walked to the basketball courts, expecting to see him dribbling a bar or doing reps. But the first person you saw was Na Jaemin, and he noticed you immediately, eyes sparkling with recognition.

“Y/N!” he greeted cheerfully. “It’s been so long.”

That infectious smile of his was plastered across his face, making a small one creep to your lips. If Jaehyun smiled like that more, then you could understand his charm, but he was always so moody around you. He either did something to get on your nerves or he would just flat-out ignore you. Furthermore, he always riled you up instead of offering you that warm security that Jaemin emanated—

Wait, why were you comparing him to Jaehyun?

“Sorry,” you apologized meekly. “Am I interrupting your practice time?”

“No, it’s cool. We were just messing around in here,” Jaemin replied. “Are you looking for someone?”

You looked into Jaemin’s eyes and your thoughts slowed. He made you feel safe, warm, but that was all; there was no fire, no rage, no heat. It was just a shallow attraction that fizzled out, leaving you neither satisfied nor dissatisfied. And you clawed at your brain as you wondered what you were getting at, but you knew. You knew it was all going back to Jaehyun.

And it pissed you off.

“I was looking for Jaehyun,” you said, “if he happened to be in here.”

“He told me he was going for a swim,” Jaemin said, and that was all you needed.

Before Jaemin could respond, you thanked him and turned on your heel. The pool was in a separate building, and there was no training that even required swimming, so it made no sense for Jaehyun to be there. You let out a frustrated sigh. Even when he wasn’t doing anything in particular to annoy you, it still managed to anger you.

You weren’t going to let Jaehyun do what he wanted this time. This was merely for interrogation—your own personal gain. Then, you thought it over some more, and you reasonably concluded that there was a 97.5% chance that you would not lay a finger on him, but there was a 2.5% chance you’d cave.

When you got to the facility where the pool was, you were entranced by the renovation at first. The pool was massive and the equipment was lined up so neatly along the walls. You peered through the glass to see the pool completely empty save for Jaehyun in the hot tub.

He met your eyes while you opened the door to the pool. His eyebrow arched at your entrance but a smirk settled on his lips as you neared him. You tried to push down your lust; you were not letting him get to you again. You crouched down by the side of the pool and Jaehyun moved so he was facing you, holding onto the edge of the hot tub.

“What brings you here?’ he asked, playfully flicking some water in your direction.

You flinched and scrunched up your nose at his action. “I heard you don’t do hookups.”

“You heard correctly.”

“So what am I?”

“You’re Y/N.”

You were a coward. Admittedly, you had probably always been running away from your own problems, deflecting your feelings with unbridled hate that had no direction, no meaning. Underneath your blunt and fiery front was pure cowardice. Even now, you refused to admit anything to yourself.

You didn’t want to accept that maybe you actually liked Jeong Jaehyun.

Maybe you’ve always liked him.

“Don’t be stupid, Jaehyun,” you grumbled. “You’ve always hated me.”

“I think you just want to believe I hate you. Is that how you suppress your feelings?”

“How long have you liked me for, then? Days?”

“Years.”

You paused for a moment as you recounted your interactions with Jaehyun. It was true that he never explicitly said he hated you and that you always started the arguments, but he was the one who broke off your friendship. Why would he do that if he didn’t hate you?

“You said you wanted nothing to do with me, Jaehyun,” you said in a smaller voice, fist balling at your side.

“You were going to a different university.” He ran a hand through his damp hair, and although you were angry, it was difficult not to enjoy the view. “Plus, you just kept going on and on about Jaemin, and I couldn’t even shut that mouth of yours up back then.”

“So you cut me off?”

“I felt like I was being petty, so I tried to apologize but you blocked my number and wouldn’t let me come near you,” Jaehyun deadpanned. He reached forward and grabbed your wrists, pulling you closer to him. You teetered on the balls of your feet, swallowing hard. “Forgive me?”

“No.”

Jaehyun rose up a little so he was eye-to-eye with you. He smiled at your flustered expression and cupped your cheek with his wet hand. Every muscle in your body was telling you to pull away but you couldn’t. Not when his lips were so close, when his eyes were boring into yours.

“Forgive me,” he repeated in a gentler tone, but it became more of an order than a question.

“Make me,” you whispered and Jaehyun groaned, somewhat helplessly.

“You’re going to be the death of me, I swear.”

You opened your mouth to say something more, but you couldn’t even form your words as Jaehyun yanked you forward and sealed your lips with a kiss. Before, you had the sense to try and push him away, but now you were held captive. He slid his tongue past your lips and you let out an appreciative whimper, hand sliding into his wet hair. You tugged at his hair and this time, Jaehyun was the one to react.

He pulled away for a moment to catch his breath, eyes clouding over with lust. “Get in with me,” he said, voice rumbling. You shivered as he dragged his lips down to your jaw; you could feel his voice reverberate down your spine and to your feet.

“What if someone walks in?” you asked in a daze.

“There’s no use for the swim facility, so no one’s going to walk in on us,” he persuaded. “Come in.”

Water dripped from his neck, landing on your thigh. You took in a sharp breath as his hand tugged at your waist. While the pleading look on his face was priceless, you couldn’t even ridicule him because you were at your limit, too. You let out an irritated sigh when you realized you gave into that 2.5% of you caving.

You responded by pulling off your shirt, tossing it to the side where Jaehyun had left his shoes and towel. Jaehyun watched you as you fiddled with the clamp of your bra. Meanwhile, his hands went to the waistband of your sweats, making you shudder as he tugged them down at the sides. You raised your hips to help him get them off and, after removing your bra, you were only left in your underwear to protect you from his hungry gaze.

You weren’t the type to hook up with guys. Hell, you weren’t the type to even show a guy your ankle if he asked. You thought you’d feel insecure with Jaehyun eyeing you in your full glory, but there was none of that. You wanted to know why it was so different with him but maybe it was the way he looked at you like he just wanted to kiss you. Or maybe a tiny part of your heart always belonged to Jaehyun, and you couldn’t bury it anymore.

“You’re so gorgeous.”

He mumbled the words, barely audible, but they set you on fire. He pulled you down onto his lap like you were his anchor, and you were afraid you’d get swept with the current, but you let him. You’ve only ever kissed a few guys before, so you really had no idea what the fuck you were getting into. All you were sure about was that Jaehyun could make you feel good and you were having your first time in a hot tub. You only prayed that you wouldn’t pass out from the pleasure combined with the heat of the water.

“Is this your first time?” he asked, gliding his hands down your sides. You nodded. “Then I’ll be gentle.” Truly, you did find his gesture rather sweet, but it didn’t stop you from rolling your eyes. Jaheyun saw and narrowed his brows. “I don’t hate you, but you really piss me off sometimes.”

He kissed you again. It was more passionate this time, but also harsher and messier. You let out a sound that was something between a yelp and a moan, making Jaehyun move his hands to run down your bare back. Then, he planted his thumb on your clit and pressed down in a way that made a muscle in your thigh twitch. Your grip on his shoulders tightened; you weren’t expecting that. It felt different in the water, but somehow, you couldn’t get enough of it.

“You’re wet,” he mumbled against your lips as his fingers found purchase on your slit.

“We’re in the water, you idiot.”

Jaehyun scoffed. “You know what, Y/N, you’re right, I did hate you,” he spat, rubbing small circles around your clit now. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders to steady yourself, whimpering as his movements grew more intense. “I fucking hated how you looked at Jaemin with those love-struck eyes.”

There was a shift in his usual cocky expression. He turned focused and, to a degree, angry. It was the kind of look on his face you saw when he was on the basketball court or during a game.

“You’re the one who told me to go after him.”

Wrong choice of words. Jaehyun lifted you up and placed you on the edge of the pool, pushing a finger inside you with no warning. You gasped, your mouth open to ask him why he took you out of the water, but you already knew the answer; he wanted to feel you completely.

“R-right there,” you whimpered out as he pushed his finger deeper inside of you.

He started to curl his finger whenever he passed over your g-spot, and you had to close your eyes. Jaehyun pulled his finger out to marvel at the slick wetness that coated it. Your body tingled as he slid his finger inside you again. This time, he was teasing your slit with a second digit. Jaehyun had no delicacy, though, and he all but shoved in a second finger, causing you to cry out.

He didn’t even care. You opened your mouth to call him a bastard, but all that came out was a pitched moan that seemed to float up to the stars.

“I fucking hated,” he rasped as he pumped two fingers inside of you, “how you treated Jaemin like he was the only one in the world.”

“I don’t… like Jaemin,” you got out, each labored breath of yours fighting off another moan. “I’ve stopped liking Jaemin after high school.”

Jaehyun’s free hand went to your chest, cupping one of your breasts as he rubbed circles around your nipple. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, unable to contain yourself as the fingers on your clit got almost frantic in their place, and the fingers inside of you were pushing against your walls. You felt an unfamiliar cold fire that felt so fucking good, lighting you up and threatening to spill over. Your muscles clenched and spasmed around Jaehyun, and you weren’t even in the hot tub but you felt like you were sinking.

A high-pitched moan left your lips, leaving you hot with embarrassment because you didn’t know you could make a sound like that. You fell from your peak, relaxing in Jaehyun’s hold; it felt like you were floating amongst the clouds in an almost euphoric way.

“I don’t like Jaemin,” you breathed out, still winded from your orgasm, “you fucking idiot.”

“I know.” Jaehyun pulled his fingers out of you, eyes trained on you as he licked them slowly. The look on his face was more gentle now. With his free hand, he brushed loose strands of your hair out of your face. “You like me now.”

“No, I’ve loved you for a while now.” You didn’t know what possessed you to say what was on your mind, but it surprised you more than it surprised Jaehyun. “I didn’t realize it then but… I think I did.”

Love? Love?

You thought you knew what love was. Something that you felt in your bones, that burst within you instantly. Simple glances, thoughts, and daydreams—something gentle and fluffy, but also emotionally shattering. You thought it was tender smiles, kind words, and little gestures.

But maybe that was the kind of love that led to puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and hoarse voices. The kind of love that was left fruitless with an empty gap in your chest.

Maybe this was different.

It was instinctive, the way you fell for him. Like an effortless intake of breath, you were in love before you even knew it. You always thought love was a monster. Ravaging, scraping, foul monsters with jaws so immeasurably large that they would have swallowed you whole. But maybe it wasn’t the tragedy you made it out to be.

With Jaehyun it was fierce and maddening and made you want to rip your hair out. It was a violent hurricane that you tried to brave your way through. But you were blind. You were already at the eye; you had always been at the center without realizing it. And, despite all the pointless arguments and name-calling, it was the most beautiful thing you had experienced.

Yeah, you liked him. You liked how you were around him, despite how much you complained about it to Mark. Part of you refused to admit it, but sometimes the bickering was fun. You realized that you never let go of Jaehyun before because you couldn’t. You simply didn’t want to be without him because Jeong Jaehyun drove a deeper passion within you.

Your rose-tinted loving moment was ruined as soon as a shit-eating grin spread across Jaehyun’s face.

“You love me.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“You love me,” Jaehyun echoed as if he was internalizing the information. “You love me.”

“I take it back,” you said flatly. “I hate you, I hate you, and I’ve always hated you.”

Jaehyun ignored your words, his cockiness morphing into adoration. “You actually love me back.” He cupped your face in his hands, eyes turning into little crescents as he smiled. “Even though I called you a cougar for liking a guy a year younger than you?”

“Yes.”

“Even though I made fun of you wearing a push-up bra in front of him?”

You clenched your jaw. “Yes.”

“Even though I asked Johnny about you and he told me that I still live in your mind, rent-free?”

“What? Johnny said that?” you exclaimed, eyes wide. You grimaced. Johnny would be dealt with later. You placed your hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders and made direct eye contact. “Look, Jaehyun—as much as it hurts me to say this and I’d rather tear out my vocal cords—I like you. I like you so much that I don’t care about the petty shit you pulled when I liked Jaemin because frankly, I don’t care about Jaemin anymore.”

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

You wanted to slap him.

“Are you just constantly horny?” you snapped. “I’m pouring out my feelings to you here!”

“I’m better at expressing my love through actions, not words,” Jaehyun explained. “Can I show you?”

“Is this another ploy to get in my pants?”

“No, I’m asking you out on a date,” he said. “Sneak out with me tonight. I want to explore the city with you.”

The offer was tempting. In fact, you found no reason to be opposed to the idea. After all, you were always down for an adventure in the city. Jaehyun being with you didn’t sound too bad either, especially when Seoul was so lively at night. Part of you wanted it purely to catch up on all the time you missed when you stopped being friends.

“Fine,” you agreed. “An hour after curfew.”

“Great.” Jaehyun flashed a grin that slowly curled into a smirk. “Now let me get in your pants.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Y/N, you see,” Jaehyun started, “I don’t hate you, but you’ve really pissed me off these past two years. We have all of this pent-up rage, so it’s only fair that we let it out on each other.” His grip on your hips tightened.

You loathed yourself for wanting him, and for putting aside the fear of being walked in on for him. You internally cringed at the thought of Mark accidentally bearing witness, and you weren’t sure you were willing to explain the situation to him just yet.

It was the price you paid for carnality, you supposed.

You sighed in a forced way so that you sounded reluctant and bored. Unfortunately, your plan backfired and you ended up feeling bad when a concerned look crossed Jaehyun’s face.

“If you’re worried about getting caught, I’ll just cover you,” Jaehyun mumbled, the softness of his voice almost putting you at ease.

You rolled your eyes. “How kind of you.” You paused and looked up at him. “Are we really going to have sex for the first time here?”

Jaehyun looked around him. “Well, I guess we could go to the hotel room if—”

“Nope!” you interrupted, wrapping your arms around his neck and drawing him closer to you. “Let’s do it here. I love the pool, love having sex at the pool.”

He rose a brow at you, hands making their way down your body. Suddenly, your realization of being completely exposed had heightened, and you pressed your thighs together. Maybe it was because your vulnerability showed on your face, clear as day, but Jaehyun smirked, further flustering you by tugging down his swim shorts to reveal his hardened cock.

It was heavy and warm against your thigh, but what you were fixed on was the v-line on his pelvis. You traced along the bone, making him shiver under your touch. You were shocked when he grabbed your wrist tightly, holding it away from him.

“You’re playing a dangerous game here,” he growled. Jaehyun leaned closer and nipped at the shell of your earlobe, chuckling as you tensed up under his hold. His hot breath made you squirm under his grip.

Have you ever noticed how insanely attractive he was? Yes, of course. You weren’t an idiot.

Have you ever appreciated his beauty until now? Probably not.

“Just fuck me already, Jae,” you grumbled out as he pushed you down onto the deck of the pool.

In seconds, Jaehyun grabbed your hips and pulled them to his waist. Without any preamble, he rammed himself inside of you. The motion caught you by surprise and you cried out, half out of pleasure and half out of pain. You were definitely wet from being fingered earlier, but two fingers were nothing compared to Jaehyun’s cock.

Seeing his cock disappear in you was enough to make you whimper. Your walls clenched around him, pulsating at the foreign feeling. You were tempted to slap him upside the head for going so fast, but all you could do was tug at his hair and wrap your legs around him.

“You bastard, I’ll fucking—oh.”

Jaehyun laughed cruelly at your reaction, partly to cover up the groan caught in his throat and partly because your attempts at being mad at him were downright pathetic. When you had adjusted to his size, Jaehyun grunted and pounded in you, hitting spots that made your limbs feel like jelly. As if that wasn’t enough, Jaehyun found your clit with the hand that didn’t have a bruising grip on your waist and pressed harshly against it.

“You’re so fucking tight,” Jaehyun gritted out.

“T-then be gentle,” you bargained, drowning in a molten sea.

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes at you. “Have you ever fucking heard of gentle hate sex?” he asked, validating his point with a particularly hard thrust.

Your fingernails dug into his back, leaving hot-white trails down his skin. You were certain you had drawn blood, but knowing Jaehyun, he’d probably feel proud if he saw it. He brought his lips to your neck as you writhed under him, biting around until he found your sweet spot. This wasn’t fair; he was pleasuring you in every way possible and all you could do was cry out as he pummeled in you.

You closed your eyes, sparks flying behind your eyelids as you felt your release rushing to you.

Then, he slowed his strokes down considerably.

“Look at me,” he ordered in a rasp. Your eyes fluttered open, remaining half-lidded as you felt like you were going to spill over. “Look at me when I’m fucking you.”

He slapped his hips against yours again, the sound of skin against skin making you shudder. Jaehyun filled you up to the brim and you were oh-so-close to letting go and falling off the edge. The hardscape was cool but you were on fire, bliss overtaking all of your senses. Your toes curled as you held onto his damp skin for dear life, not sure if it was because he was in the pool or he was sweating due to the heat you both emanated.

“R-right there!”  you wailed. “Fuck, right there!”

Jaehyun angled his hips slightly to pound into you, causing you to see metaphysical stars. It was so hard to keep eye contact with him when your eyes just wanted to roll back. Jaehyun let out a groan by your ear, low and guttural. You didn’t even notice how tight the grip he has on you until he releases your hip for you to see the print he left.

You could tell he was close, but he wanted to hold on for you. Both of your breaths were labored as you stared into each other’s eyes, your body moving up and down against the hardscape as Jaehyun railed you. You tightened your grip on him, a pathetic moan falling from your lips as you were falling over the edge.

Jaehyun understood and fucked you through your orgasm, making sure you made the most of it. Warmth blossomed under your skin as you cried out in pure bliss, your vision blurring and refocusing as it flickered from normal to pure white as you rode out your high. You ground yourself back to reality after nearly sobbing out his name, the pleasure overwhelming you. Jaehyun’s eyes went hazy as he fell apart right after you did, and soon, you felt something warm spill inside of you.

Jaehyun finished inside of you and stuttered out a curse as he pulled out of you. He rolled over and laid on the deck of the pool next to you, the both of you catching your breath like you had just run a marathon.

“I have a cute date idea for tonight,” Jaehyun said after a long pause.

You looked over, watching his chest rise and fall. “Yeah?”

“We go to the store and buy Plan B.”

You couldn’t even disagree.

“Sounds good.”

Jaehyun dragged himself off the floor, muttering something along the lines of “shit, that felt good” to himself as he reached for his swim trunks to pull back on. You grabbed a towel to dry yourself off, but pins and needles shot up your legs when you tried to walk. Jaehyun noticed immediately and a smug look settled on his face again, not the least bit remorseful.

You scowled as you slipped your clothes back on. “Shut up,” you jeered. “You’re so shameless for someone who can’t pull out.”

“Oops,” he replied flatly.

“I hate you, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun ran a hand through his damp hair, letting out a laugh as he shook his head. He picked up another towel from the chairs by the poolside and wrapped it around so it covered your head. You bit your lip as you watched him attempt to dry your hair. It was times like these when he seemed so gentle and delicate, unlike his usual irritating attitude.

“You liked it, though,” Jaehyun said. “Right?”

You faltered, looking down at your feet as he continued to dry your hair. “Yeah.”

Jaehyun smiled softly and leaned in swiftly to peck your lips, but your moment was interrupted by the sound of a door opening.

Mark was gaping at you two, eyelids fluttering rapidly as if he was trying to blink away what he had just seen.

“Y/N? Jeong Jaehyun?” Mark questioned, his voice an octave higher than usual. Realization crossed his face through a series of facial expressions that morphed far too quickly for you to process. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Mark!” You and Jaehyun pulled away from each other quickly.

Mark paused to think his words through. “Did I almost walk in on a murder?”

You let out a frustrated groan. “Jesus, Mark, if you’re not going to read the room, at least SparkNote it.”

“Wait, so you were kissing?”

“No, we didn’t kiss,” Jaehyun assured, and you felt tricked for feeling relieved for a split second. “We actually had sex.”

Jaehyun’s words ended with a splutter as you elbowed him in the gut. Mark looked between the two of you, boggled. You nudged Jaehyun again with your foot, signaling for him to leave so you could handle Mark. Thankfully, he took your cue this time and grabbed his towel, mockingly saluting the both of you. You were stupid to think you were safe, though, because Jaehyun had to get another last word in before he walked off.

“See you tonight, Y/N.”

There was a long, awkward pause while Jaehyun opened the door and left the building. You and Mark were staring at each other but neither of you knew what to say or how to approach the subject.

“I just… I just came here to find you, and Jaemin told me you went to the pool. You…” Mark started. He looked absolutely horrified, like a corpse had fallen to his feet—no, rather, he looked like a corpse himself, like someone attempted to do taxidermy on him but did a shit job. “Bitch.”

“Let me explain.”

“Bitch,” Mark enunciated, “you just fucked the hottest guy here, oh my god.”

Definitely not the reaction you were expecting, but you supposed it wasn’t a bad one. You were glad he wasn’t getting into the whole ‘why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend’ rant, but this was equally as overwhelming.

Mark continued, “Wait—is that why you were late this morning? Oh my god, this has been a thing. You’ve been hooking up with him in secret, haven’t you?”

“No? Well, yes, but it hasn’t been much until, um”—you gestured awkwardly around you—“you know.”

“So you were the one who was with Jaehyun last night?”

“Yes.”

“And this morning before I picked you up?”

“Yes.”

“Are you two dating now?”

“Honestly, I really don't know,” you admitted. “Mark, please don’t tell anyone about this. Especially not those little shits, Chenle and Johnny.”

Mark gulped. “About that…”

Before you could question him, there was a chorus of loud clapping echoing from the locker rooms which was then followed by a few cheers. You grimaced as the two boys you didn’t want to see walked out: Chenle and Johnny, Tweedledee and Tweedledum themselves. They both wore cocky smirks as they shook their head at you, which made Mark a touch more nervous than he was before.

“Have anything to say for yourself, Y/N?” Chenle teased.

“Go to hell.” You scoffed and turned to Mark, narrowing in on him. “Why’d you bring them along? What are you? The three stooges?”

“We were looking for you so we could invite you to the movie night we were having in Jungwoo’s room!” Mark defended. “I swear, if I knew about you and Jaehyun, I never would’ve brought them along.”

You sighed deeply as Chenle snickered to himself. “Well, I guess Y/N can’t come to movie night since she has a date with—hold on, what did you call him again? The devil?”

“Okay, I get it!” You threw your hands up in defeat, eyes closed to show you were reflecting upon your actions. “I’m a dirty hypocrite and I’ve committed a crime worse than death.” You opened your eyes again. “I’m sorry.” To your surprise, Chenle and Johnny had their right hand up. You stared at it, puzzled. “Do you want me to make an oath or something?”

“In modern society,” Johnny explained, “we call it a high-five.”

It took you a few seconds to process their words before you tentatively gave them each a firm high-five. You blinked up at them before ease washed over you. This was how it always was, anyways. At the end of the day, no matter how much you guys bickered or teased each other, you always made up. That's what friends were for, after all.

“There we go,” you said, oddly satisfied. “For now, I’ll let go of the fact that Johnny snitched on me to Jaehyun behind my back.”

“How dare you!” Johnny gasped. “Chenle was with me.”

Chenle raised his hand to confirm the statement. “Indeed. Please give credit where it's due.”

“Alright, fuck you both.”

What the fuck even was a date?

This was foreign territory to you, but even so, you decided you wouldn’t rely on your annoying friends. First of all, you were sure they wouldn’t really be of any help and just endlessly tease you about it. Secondly, they were simply going to gradually grow more stressed (Mark), lecherous (Johnny), and aggravating (Chenle). Thus, you decided to slay the monster of first dates yourself.

Your first hurdle was looking cute. You packed absolutely nothing that wasn’t for the training camp, so you had already failed. Jaehyun was going to have to deal with you in your gym shorts and a school t-shirt.

Your second hurdle was sneaking away from Eunha, your roommate. That was a piece of cake considering how she didn’t exactly care. When you headed out of the room, wallet and phone in hand, she wished you a kind farewell, which you returned.

Your third hurdle was sneaking out of the hotel. You weren’t quite sure how you and Jaehyun made it outside without being spotted, but you were certain he must have tipped off some of the staff because there was no way the both of you could have walked straight out of the lobby without being reported. When you asked him, though, he said it was probably because you looked like the cleaning lady.

Needless to say, Jaehyun was on thin ice.

You loved Seoul, loved the dirty of it. Even at night, the city was alive and full of vigor, full of young people like you who were chasing cheap thrills. Jaehyun was a dream under the glowing lights, and you almost couldn’t believe that the prince-like boy was head-over-heels for you.

He took you to a wide alley with a night market, full of life and energy. Jaehyun was walking through the crowd and you were following right behind him, like some awkward fish swimming after a cuter, more popular fish upstream. There were several times where you almost lost yourself in the crowd, and Jaehyun noticed this. He reached behind him, still shouldering his way through the crowd, and grabbed your hand. The smell of spicy rice cakes, the numerous pop-up bars lining the alley, and Jeong Jaehyun gripping your hand—it all made a pretty eventful first date.

Jaehyun didn’t kiss you. Not once. He didn’t try to touch you anywhere that would have tempted you both into doing something you definitely shouldn’t do in public. There were times where Jaehyun turned pink or looked away from you shyly, and you indulged in it because this was a side of him you didn’t see often.

Jaehyun stopped at a convenience store before you both decided to head back. You waited outside for him, kicking stones as you thought of him. He was undeniably perfect, which you somewhat despised because you had spent the last two years hating his guts and this was an abrupt change. You were worried if he was buying you something; he had already bought you lamb skewers and rice cakes at the night market. You didn’t want to be the girlfriend to empty his wallet.

Wait—

Were you his girlfriend?

“Y/N,” he called when he walked out of the store, holding something behind his back with a sneaky grin. “Close your eyes.”

You bit back a smile and closed your eyes, holding your hands out. He placed the object in your hands and it felt light, so you were sure it shouldn’t have cost much. Although, your stomach was pitted with guilt at the thought of him spending money on you. You opened your eyes when he directed you to.

Plan B One-Step.

You no longer felt bad for him.

“Very romantic,” you observed, putting the packet in your wallet, “but thank you.”

You were seething. Your face grew unconditionally hot and you had to look down at your feet. It seriously pissed you off that your feelings were so clear right now because Jaehyun had bought you fucking Plan B.

Jaehyun seemed to notice right away and tilted your chin up with two fingers, chuckling. “Is something wrong?”

Your face screwed up when you decided on what you were going to ask him. “Are we dating?” you blurted out.

Jaehyun held your face gently like it would shatter if he applied any more pressure. His fingertips grazed the hinge of your jaw while his thumbs rested on your cheekbones. You were panicking when he leaned in, but it wasn’t what you expected. Jaehyun pressed a chaste kiss to your nose, grinning at your reaction. You reached up to trace his dimple with your finger.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, flustered beyond imagination, but you had already gotten this far so you continued, “do you?”

“Do I want to be your girlfriend?”

You wanted to hit yourself. “Fuck. I mean, do you wanna date me?”

“Of course,” he said with a laugh. “I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

He drew you into his warm embrace and you buried your face into his chest, wondering how you hated this man for so long. Of course, when those cocky smirks and impish looks came back, you were sure you’d remember again. But right now, in his arms, you just knew that you wanted to be with him. You looked up at him, arms slung around him, and got on your toes to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

You were positive you hadn’t ever seen Jeong Jaehyun blush before tonight, but it was a sight you were sure you could never get sick of.

And you never would.

[qlala]

Every time you casually mention in your tags another coldflash wip that you have started writing years ago and might not finish...like ever, I swear I break out in a cold sweat. Because is it just like GRRM's writing pace, or...? Is there an option where I give you some money and you allow me to read through your drafts? 🤣🤣🤣

On a more serious note, it always makes my day when I get the notification that you've posted a new fic. And each time I re-read some of your stories it hits me just how special your writing is. I rarely get this feeling while reading fanfiction, so thank you so much for this ♥️

addjsjfjd unfortunately it is not a GRRM writing pace situation and is instead a “70 hr/week job” situation, so i don’t have a lot of time for writing! because of that i tend to do it for enjoyment first and publishing second, so i hop from project to project based on what’s fun to write in that moment!

a lot of times that’s a new idea, sometimes it’s digging up an old idea i never finished, and then occasionally i finally hold my nose to the grindstone and make myself finish something kicking and screaming (because i love sharing fic! it’s like interactive storytelling where i go “what if these guys did this?” and other people can comment like “wow what if they DID do that?”)

but i DO feel bad for always chatting about stuff that’s not even in the publishing pipe, so here, have a red string of fate coldflash snippet that’s been abandoned in my drafts for a while! this is one of my favorites at the moment <3

Len never thought much about his string, only ever had to try to put it out of his mind when the occasional pluck came down the invisible line late at night. So he was unprepared for what lay ahead when he was leading the Rogues in a cursory scrap with Team Flash, pointing the cold gun at Cisco with a grin. Both of them knew it was a feint—he wouldn’t fire until Barry got between them with that cold-resistant tripolymer of his.

Cisco made a grab for the gun anyway, his glasses flickering to life with a blue glow. Len was ready to dodge him, but Cisco only got halfway through his lunge and then froze as suddenly as if Len had hit him with a blast after all. He stared at the gun, then looked behind Len, then back at the gun. His mouth was agape, and Len frowned as he watched him fumble to pull his glasses off.

“Somewhere else you need to be?” he asked, slightly testily, as Cisco’s wide eyes tracked over his shoulder again. He hefted the gun pointedly, but Cisco only looked at it and laughed, a strangled, hysterical sound.

“Oh, my god. Tell me you know,” he said, and then scrubbed a hand over his forehead, looking abruptly overwhelmed. “Tell me he just… You don’t. Oh my god. You don’t know.”

Len scowled. “Not one of your better distractions, Cisco.”

To his bewilderment, Cisco turned his back to him, walked to the pile of crates nearby, and sat down heavily. Len stared at him. Had someone hit him in the head during the fight? He enforced a firm no-contact rule against the members of Team Flash without enhanced healing, but clearly someone needed a reminder.

Cisco only sighed at his bemused look, and patted the crate next to him.

Len gave him one last look of confusion, then turned his back on him to rejoin the fight. 

It was all but over. Barry had noticed the oddity of what was happening between him and Cisco and pulled up short. He was still just long enough for Peek-a-Boo to get the jump on him, and she stepped smoothly into place to trip him as he jumped into action again.

The resulting crash was a big enough distraction that Len signaled for Shawna to take the loot and go, which she did with obvious relish. From there, it was just a matter of staging a strategic retreat, and getting clear before Team Goodie-Two-Shoes realized the art was already gone.

He’d just gotten his bike snarling into life when Wally West appeared in front of him in full Kid Flash regalia, looking bemused. “Uh. Hey, Cold. This is…weird, but, Cisco needs to talk to you?”

“Sweet of him. But I don't think I'll be—”

“Uh, no. Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to sound like a question.”

Len knew he didn't have time to unholster the cold gun, but he reached for it anyway on principle. 

A few seconds of unpleasant whiplash later, STAR Labs snapped-dragged into place around him, and Wally made the wise decision to be halfway across the Cortex by the time Len got his bearings. 

Barry blew in with Cisco a moment later, but he pulled up short when he saw him.

“Snart?” 

He pulled back his cowl—an absent, stupid show of trust—and then looked at him with his head cocked, hair wild. The familiarity of it had Len brushing aside the errant glimmer of fondness it kindled in his chest.

He had a line ready, the antagonism between them as worn and easy as that old STAR Labs shirt Barry favored in his down time.

But Cisco stepped between them, Vibe gloves and goggles both lit up, and the grimace on his face wasn’t promising.

“This is gonna feel a little violating,” Cisco said. He reached his hand into the open air at about waist height, closed his fist around nothing, and pulled.

Leonard had spent his life learning to have complete control over his movements; control was what he did. But nothing, nothing could’ve kept him from staggering when he felt the pull. His string hand was yanked forward, harder than any of the light plucks he’d ever felt on the other side of the line, and he staggered forward after it, caught utterly off balance.

Across the room, Barry’s arm jerked up at the same time, and he took three stumbling steps towards the center of the room before steadying himself.

Leonard had been ready to pull the cold gun on Cisco for the stunt, humiliation flashing up the back of his neck and transmuting just as quickly into anger, but his thoughts spun out as the implications of Barry’s shocked, coltish stumble began to register.

He raised his eyes to Barry’s. It took Barry a moment to meet his gaze, expression wide-eyed and betrayed where he was looking at Cisco, looking as violated as Len felt. But finally, the thought must have caught up to him, because he glanced at Len, a brief sympathetic frown before returning his attention to Cisco, and then he went rigid.

The green eyes that met Len’s were wide and too full of shock to read any of the emotions that might’ve been behind it.

“You do both wear gloves a lot.”

Leonard started guiltily, the way he’d never done when actually caught mid-heist.

Cisco was regarding them curiously, head tilted with academic interest. “Still,” he continued, “Three years. You’d think you would’ve touched at least—“

“Cisco,” Iris cut him off, quietly, without even looking toward him. For all her wide-eyed alarm, she was looking at Barry with a sort of alert empathy, watching carefully for a sign of how to react to… this. Leonard was having a hard time saying it, even in his mind. The words were lodged somewhere impossible and refused to surface.

The pieces fit together, but the final result was incomprehensible.

Piece one: Cisco, thanks to whatever Vibe powers he possessed, could see people’s strings. Touch them, even.

Piece two: Standing exactly midway between himself and Barry, Cisco had put out a hand and yanked on Len’s string. Leonard tabbed this one in his mind; he needed to remember to ice Cisco’s hand off for it later.

Piece three: When Cisco had pulled on his string, he’d obviously pulled on Barry’s as well.

Barry, who had one hand wrapped around his other wrist and looked like he might plan on phasing straight through the floor rather than even look in Len’s direction.

[hyungieyoongi]

See You

Pairing: Professor!Hobi x Professor!Reader

Genre: Enemies to lovers + fluff + angst + Hobi and Reader have some personality conflicts at work but should really just make out or something and stop acting like they dislike each other + this entire fic is inspired by Hobi’s look in that gum commercial I mean he screamed professor with that turtleneck and plaid blazer (thank you @moon-write​ for encouraging this vision)

Word Count: 3.2K+

---

“No, no, please tell me you’re joking,” you groaned, eyes scanning over the classroom assignment list posted on the faculty board in the hallway over again, hoping you were seeing things wrong. A third look at the paper confirmed that your fears had in fact come true – you and Hoseok were teaching next door to each other the entire fall semester.

Hoseok was the History of Dance Professor in your department. He was hired at the beginning of last year, three years into your career as one of the youngest faculty members in the Music & Arts program at your university. While he was bubbly and energetic, you were the more typical academic – down-to-earth, a little bit serious. He was beloved by his students for his positive personality and passion for teaching; you were well-regarded as being a natural talent who wanted to hone your students’ abilities.  

It wasn’t that your students didn’t like your course. No, it was well-reviewed and relatively popular considering it was an elective. But once Hoseok arrived, you felt like you were competing with the star of the program. Every student, even the ones who didn’t like dance, were lining up for his course, pushing your class and others into smaller classrooms with dwindling numbers. He, of course, got the large lecture hall this year.

He was the pain in your side, constantly flashing his bright smile to get his way in the department, dazzling your colleagues. Students would often be buzzing in the hallways about how they didn’t have to take an exam in Professor Jung’s class like they did in Professor Y/L/N’s. They got to go to a local show instead and analyze the dance performance. Hoseok was creative and intelligent – that much you could agree with – but you rolled your eyes every time you saw another one of his students attempt to flirt with him.

Hoseok and you figured out you got on each other’s nerves pretty quickly. He would always play music too loud in his office while you were grading papers – he timed how long it took you to show up at his door to tell him to turn it down every afternoon. You would make it a point to have your students play samples of their pieces they’d written on the piano while he was in the middle of a lecture, leaving your classroom doors open so the notes of the instrument would float down the hallway to the lecture hall. You’d have a satisfied grin on your face when you heard the telltale noise of the lecture hall doors slamming shut.

The entire department knew about this little game the two of you would play with each other, not to mention the sarcastic comments from you and teasing jokes from him that were on repeat any time you were in the same room. The bickering was bound to get worse with the two of you in such close quarters all semester.

“Y/N!” you heard a loud voice call down the hallway. You hadn’t heard that voice in two and a half months thanks to your summer vacation. You gritted your teeth, turning with a tight-lipped smile toward your least-favorite coworker.

“Hoseok,” you greeted with a nod. As usual, your semi-chilly behavior toward him didn’t faze him.

“Y/N, come on, I thought I told you to call me Hobi!” he said cheerfully, his eyes squinting from his smile. He was wearing a cream turtleneck tucked into his khakis, plaid blazer over his shoulders. He had dyed his hair from the black you were accustomed to, his strands now a platinum blonde. You realized, begrudgingly, that he looked more attractive than he did last year.

“Well would you look at that, we’re neighbors,” Hoseok said after scanning the list on the board.

“Try to keep the gaggle of screaming fans away from the hallway when I’m teaching, would you?” you said sarcastically. Hoseok’s hand flew to his heart, acting like you had personally attacked him.

“Y/N, I cannot believe you would accuse my students of being so frivolous,” he said dramatically. “Just because we have more fun in my class, doesn’t make it any less serious than yours.”

“Oh, please, save the theatrics for the students who signed up thinking your class would be an easy ‘A’. I know for a fact that you gave out four D’s last semester.” Hoseok’s eyes twinkled at your challenging tone.

“And how many did you give out, Professor Y/L/N?” Hoseok asked in a sweet voice.

“None, thank you very much. Since my students actually learn something in my class, I don’t have to give out such low grades,” you quipped. Hoseok chuckled, running a hand through his wavy blonde hair.

“Maybe I should sit in on one of your classes this year. Learn a thing or two,” Hoseok said, stepping toward you. You flushed momentarily at his low tone, immediately stepping back. He smirked at your reaction.

“It’s invite only to audit my class, Jung,” you said before turning on your heel to walk toward your office down the hall, “I would say I’m sorry, but I’m really not!” you yelled over your shoulder.

You heard Hoseok laugh, and you cursed yourself for giving him the satisfaction of knowing that his teasing had gotten to you.

You had promised yourself at the end of the summer not to play into it this year – you were going to be professional, courteous. But the first time you see Hoseok, bam, it goes right out the window. 

You would just have to avoid Hoseok as much as possible.

You sighed once you closed your office door behind you. It was going to be a long semester.

---

Two months into the semester, the leaves had turned to burnt oranges and red, signaling the return of fall. Hoseok was sitting in one of the auditorium seats, his legs crossed over each other, looking down at his fingers with a soft smile playing at his lips. The delicate notes of the piano were playing from your classroom, the noise piercing the thin walls separating your classroom from his.

His class had been dismissed half an hour ago, and, based on the lack of students having straggling conversations in the hallway, yours had, too. He often waited after he was done teaching to see if you would play when you thought no one was listening. The notes you played sometimes indicated your mood; the music was soft and flowing, other times dark and intense.

Today it was, melancholic? He couldn’t quite place it, but it made him think about the change in seasons. He wondered if that was on your mind. The song was fluid, making him want to choreograph a piece to it, the dancer’s body matching the tempo of the music. He shut his eyes, picturing the movements behind his closed lids.

He’d never admit that he indulged in this as often as he did – he knew you wouldn’t be playing if you found out he was your only audience member. You had been avoiding him this semester. He had tried all of his old tricks – the loud music during office hours, teasing comments during staff meetings. But you wouldn’t blink.

He opened his eyes, the song transitioning into something light and happy. It made him think of sunshine.  

---

You stopped playing, your hands lifting off the keys like they burned you. You had been playing mindlessly, your fingers starting to pluck away at the keys in the melody that you had thought of when you would think of Hoseok.

The more you avoided Hoseok, the more you seemed to miss his overly positive personality. You would see him at staff meetings, always giving you a big smile. One day you came in late after a meeting with a student ran long, and you came into the room to see that he had saved you a seat next to him, the last one left empty in the room. 

He was still playing his music too loud, but you had stopped bugging him about it, and you noticed that it was gradually getting quieter.

You closed the cover over the keys, willing the thoughts about Hoseok to go away, packing up your papers and laptop. He was just your annoyingly happy colleague; there was no reason he should be taking up this much space in your mind.

---

“Are you honestly suggesting that the music composition class shouldn’t be considered a prerequisite for all music program students going forward?” you questioned angrily. You and Hoseok were at a standoff in the department meeting, his normally pleasant features tense, arms crossed in front of him.

“If that means that it prevents funding from getting diverted from the dance program to the instrumental students, then, yes, that is what I’m suggesting,” Hoseok countered.

“That’s ridiculous! Music composition is a fundamental building block for all students – including dance, Jung!” your voice had risen, and the department head looked between you both, deciding that the meeting had gotten too out of hand to continue.

“Professor Y/L/N, Professor Jung – why don’t the two of you take a walk around the building, get some fresh air. The rest of you, dismissed. We’ll resume this conversation, civilly, next week,” the department head declared.  

You were fuming, angrily shoving your notebook and pen in your bag before storming out of the building. You felt someone else’s presence, and you turned, groaning when you saw the last person you wanted to see standing behind you, a shit-eating grin on his face.

He opened his mouth to say something, but you held up your hand to stop him.

“Give it a rest, Jung, I’m not in the mood,” you said grumpily.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to go to the bookstore to grab a coffee and put this behind us,” Hoseok scoffed, smile wiped away. “But, I guess not.”

“Not everyone wants to just roll over and play nice when you flash them a smile, Hoseok.”

“Well, not everyone wants to act like they have a superiority complex, either.”

Your lips pursed, hands beginning to fidget with how angry and upset his comment made you. The two of you had been annoying last year, sure, but you had never been mean to each other. Until today.

“You don’t know anything about me,” you said quietly, heated tone still evident despite the low volume.

“The feeling is mutual,” Hoseok said harshly. “It’s not like you’ve even tried to get to know me. You immediately disliked me from day one. You never even gave me a chance!”

“That’s rich coming from you. All that shit with the music and the comments – it’s like you wanted me to dislike you,” you replied.

“I wanted you to talk to me, Y/N,” Hoseok said, exasperated. “Forget it, I can see now that it was useless to try.”

“I was trying to play nice this semester,” you said, glaring at Hoseok. “You came in like a damn bulldozer last year, disrupting everything in the department. And everyone just did what you wanted because you’re ‘mister nice guy’, and you make people laugh and people just think you’re perfect. Well, I don’t buy it.”

You took a deep breath, leveling your gaze at him.

“Stay out of my way, and I’ll stay out of yours,” your voice was stone-cold. Hoseok’s eyes flashed, lips in a thin line before he responded bitterly.

“Perfect.”

---

Things had been quiet between you and Hoseok since your fight outside of the building a few weeks ago. You politely nodded at each other in the hallway when you passed by, avoiding eye contact. You would grimace when you heard his laugh during lectures next door to yours, wanting to block the sound out.

You couldn’t get what he said to you out of your thoughts – you really didn’t know Hoseok very well. All you knew is what he presented to the rest of the world. He was bubbly and positive and optimistic; he probably thought you were just some brooding, academic stiff.

Hoseok noticed the songs you were playing lately were rather intense. Sometimes he would hear you smash against the keys like you were angry with the piano for not producing the sounds you wanted to hear.

He knew the feeling. He was spending more time in the dance studio lately, dancing aggressively to loud hip hop music, trying to drown out the frustration he was feeling at not being able to make you crack and talk to him.

That’s where he found himself tonight, trying to get rid of his stress. You were stubborn, but you were also beautiful, intelligent, passionate, tenacious. He turned his music up louder, drowning out the thoughts of you.

---

You had re-read the same sentence four times, red pen poised in your hand ready to edit the student’s paper. The loud beats were still audible from the practice rooms. It was late, and the building had been closed to students for the past two hours.

You decided to go down there. You weren’t going to get them in trouble for staying past close, but with finals coming up, you were sure the students needed a gentle reminder that sleeping was just as important as practicing.

You walked down the dark hallway, going down the steps to the practice rooms on the floor beneath the faculty offices, finding the one with the light on, music blaring through the glass panes separating the space from the hall.

You glanced into the room, seeing Hoseok dancing. You had never seen him in his element before, and it was captivating. He was wearing a black pair of sweats, an oversized yellow t-shirt adorning his slender frame. The music seemed to be moving through his body. He was grounded in the floor, an intense expression on his face as he hit heavy movements on the beat, fluidly moving through other parts depending on the music. You felt like this was personal, like you weren’t allowed to be watching, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him.

Hoseok looked into the mirror, his eyes looking toward the shadow in the hallway. His eyes met yours, his gaze burning into yours through the glass. You gulped.

He turned, grabbing a bottle of water and pausing the music. You figured that was your cue, opening the door to the studio and stepping inside.

“Was it too loud?” Hoseok asked, voice light despite the obvious tension in the room.

“No, it’s okay uh – I was grading papers, and I thought a student was still down here,” you explained softly. “I thought I’d tell them to go home, get some rest.”

Hoseok had a curious expression on his face. If he was surprised to hear why you were down here, he didn’t mention it. You felt the need to fill the silence, so you spouted the first thing that came to mind.

“You’re really talented, Hobi,” you said quickly. His eyebrows shot up at the sound of the nickname you never called him. “Hoseok – sorry, I meant Hoseok.”

“Watch out, people might think we’re friends,” Hoseok joked, but it came out strained.

“Hoseok – Hobi. I’m sorry about what I said a few weeks ago. I was heated, and I apologize,” you said, looking down at a scuff in the hardwood floors.

“I’m sorry, too. What I said was uncalled for, and I didn’t mean to upset you. Last year, this semester. Anything I’ve done that has made you mad or annoyed. I’m sorry,” Hobi said sincerely. “I-um, well…”

You looked up, waiting for him to continue.

“I just wanted your attention.”

“What?”

“I wanted your attention. I wanted you to want to talk to me. I wanted you to get to know me. Not the version of me that I show my students. I wanted you to see me. Really see me.”

You gulped, Hobi’s vulnerability making you nervous. He took a step toward you, and you willed yourself to stay in place.

“I know you do the same thing; you hide. Hide behind this persona you’ve created. I think it goes away when you play piano.”

“How do you–what do you mean?” you asked incredulously.

“I hear you play. After class. I never told you because I selfishly wanted to keep listening. Your music it – it tells a story. About your day, your feelings. If you didn’t tell me yourself, at least your music did.”

Your cheeks burned knowing that he was audience to all of the time spent in your classroom, working out your feelings on the piano like it was your therapy.

“Everything goes away when I play,” you stopped, thinking about how distracted you had been lately trying to compose. “Well, most of the time, anyway.”

“That’s how I feel when I dance,” Hobi admitted with a gentle smile. You nodded, realizing that the two of you had this in common, at least.

“I’ll leave you to it,” you said, backing away from Hobi toward the door.

“Wait –,” Hobi said, slightly flustered. “Dance with me.”

Your eyes widened. Hobi laughed, and you hated to admit that you had missed the sound.

“Come on, just trust me, Y/L/N.” You waited while he picked out a song, holding out his hand. You placed your fingers in his, and he pulled you close to him, leading you around the studio floor to the song. He made you feel light on your feet despite your lack of dance experience, his hand tightly gripping yours, his other floating over your waist. Your skin tingled from the contact.

He spun you around twice, your hands landing on his chest as you tried to regain your balance. You looked up at him, genuinely enjoying yourself. His bright smile you used to roll your eyes at lit up his features, causing your smile to match his.

“Can you see me now, Y/N?” Hobi asked, referencing his earlier confession. “Because I see you when you play. When you tell a student crying in your office that everything is going to be okay. And I see you now when you’re dancing with me like this.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Remember when you said I didn’t know anything about you?” You nodded, recognizing his reference to your fight outside of the department building. “I don’t think that’s true. But I know there’s so much more to know. And I want to know everything.”

Hobi’s hand came up to your cheek, softly placing it on the side of your face.

“I want to know you, too, Hobi,” you whispered.

He leaned forward, his breath fanning over your lips, “Want to start now?”

You gripped his t-shirt in your hand, pulling him the last few inches to your lips instead of answering. You felt him smile against your lips, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close to him.

He pulled back, his forehead resting on yours as you caught your breath.

“Does this mean I can start playing my music loudly during office hours again?” Hobi teased, his fingers playing with the hem of your sweater, brushing against your skin.

You made a face at him, causing him to laugh. He kissed you on the forehead, then on the lips again to make you smile before answering.

“Not a chance.”  

---

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