#and sometimes it's physical and sometimes it's mental

[majikkulu]

✮ ˖° ⸜ masterlist ꕤ ･

╭₊˚๑ i'm  not  a  professional  astrologer,  so  they  may  not  resonate  with  everyone—take  them  with  a  grain  of  salt.  consider  the  planets, degrees, etc! these  are  just  my  personal  observations  and  opinions

if  you  have  any  astrology  post  suggestions,  feel  free  to  drop  them  in  my  ask  box,  and  i’ll  make  it  happen!  xoxo.

☁️₊˚੭

⋆⁺₊ your  ascendant  persona  chart  (apc)  reveals  a  more  intense,  refined  version  of  how  you  present  yourself  to  the  world.  it  dives  deeper  into  your  rising  sign,  showing  a  clearer  expression  of  who  you  are.  think  of  it  as  a  magnified  first  impression,  offering  more  than  your  natal  chart.  the  apc  also  explores  how  you  shift  in  different  situations,  especially  when  your  natal  rising  differs  from  your  ascendant  persona.

⋆⁺₊ in  my  opinion,  your  rising  in  the  natal  chart  reflects  how  you  see  yourself—your  inner  self  and  how  you  outwardly  express  that.  it’s  the  balance  between  your  personality's  essence  and  your  physical  appearance.  on  the  other  hand,  your  rising  in  the  ascendant  persona  chart  reveals  how  others  see  you,  how  you  come  across  to  them,  and  how  your  energy  is  perceived  by  the  world  around  you.

⋆⁺₊ take  me,  for  example.  in  my  natal  chart,  i’ve  got  gemini  rising,  so  i’m  talkative,  expressive,  and  always  buzzing  with  youthful  energy.  i  get  bored  easily  and  crave  mental  stimulation—constantly  chasing  new  knowledge,  exploring,  analyzing,  overthinking.  it’s  the  classic  curious  gemini  vibe.  but  then,  in  my  ascendant  persona  chart,  capricorn  rising  takes  over,  and  that’s  where  things  get  interesting.  now  i’m  seen  as  serious,  reserved,  and  cautious—basically  the  opposite  of  gemini’s  free-spirited  nature.  my  face  usually  looks  serious,  and  i’ve  been  called  “bitchy”  or  “mean,”  which  is  far  from  who  i  really  am. this  mix  of  gemini  and  capricorn  gives  me  versatility,  shifting  from  playful  curiosity  to  calm  maturity  depending  on  the  context.  in  most  situations,  that  capricorn  energy  takes  over.  funny  enough,  people  often  tell  me  i  ooze  with  capricorn  traits,  rather  than  the  gemini  ones  i  feel  inside.

✮ ARIES RISING IN APC you’ve  got  this  fearless,  bold  aura  that  immediately  grabs  attention.  no  hesitation,  no  fluff—just  straight-up  honesty  and  fiery  energy.  people  might  find  you  hot  and  a  little  intimidating,  especially  when  you  take  charge  and  lead  the  way.  conversation?  you’re  always  the  first  to  spark  it.  you  thrive  on  competition,  and  it  finds  its  way  to  you  naturally.  your  energy  is  magnetic—too  much  for  some,  but  others  can’t  help  but  be  drawn  in.  rebellious,  decisive,  and  independent,  you  crave  excitement,  new  experiences,  and  constant  movement.  your  actions  can  be  impulsive,  sometimes  reckless,  but  somehow  you  always  land  on  your  feet.  frustration  may  follow  when  things  don’t  move  as  fast  as  you'd  like,  but  chaos?  you  thrive  in  it.  you  radiate  sex  appeal  in  a  way  that  makes  heads  turn.

✮ TAURUS RISING IN APC you  have  that  cool,  composed  vibe  that  makes  everyone  feel  at  ease.  people  are  drawn  to  your  quiet,  sensual  beauty.  you  take  your  time  with  decisions,  always  careful  and  deliberate.  there's  a  calm,  almost  magnetic  confidence  about  you—it's  understated  yet  undeniably  powerful.  you  don’t  show  your  vulnerabilities  easily,  creating  a  sense  of  independence  and  self-sufficiency.  underneath  it  all,  though,  you’re  grounded  and  in  tune  with  what’s  real.  chaotic  spaces  drain  you,  but  you  bring  peace  and  comfort  to  others.  where  aries  is  all  flash,  you’re  slow,  steady,  and  enduring.  your  energy  is  soothing,  warm,  and  draws  people  in  without  trying.

✮ GEMINI RISING IN APC curiosity  and  communication  are  your  driving  forces.  even  if  you’re  not  the  most  social,  people  see  you  as  lively  and  engaging.  you’re  constantly  learning,  always  on  the  lookout  for  new  experiences.  your  energy  shifts  faster  than  anyone  can  keep  up,  and  your  quick  wit  makes  you  fun  to  be  around.  talkative,  expressive,  and  ever-restless,  you  might  leave  people  guessing  who  you  are.  you’re  full  of  surprises—constantly  changing,  adapting,  and  keeping  things  fresh.  your  style?  it  mirrors  your  personality—constantly  evolving.  you  can  be  self-conscious,  worrying  about  how  others  see  you,  but  your  charm  always  wins  them  over.

✮ CANCER RISING IN APC you  come  off  as  a  gentle,  nurturing  soul,  making  others  feel  safe  and  comfortable  around  you.  soft-spoken  but  never  weak,  you  have  a  quiet  strength.  mysterious,  private,  and  sometimes  moody,  you  might  not  reveal  everything  at  first,  leaving  people  curious.  you  feel  deeply,  and  sometimes,  that  causes  you  to  retreat  when  overwhelmed.  intimate  settings  feel  like  home,  but  you’re  also  more  social  than  most  realize.  there's  something  magnetic  about  your  warmth  and  sensitivity,  and  once  people  get  past  the  surface,  they  see  your  depth.  you’re  fiercely  protective  of  your  loved  ones  and  incredibly  loyal,  but  you  need  space  to  recharge.

✮ LEO RISING IN APC you  light  up  the  room  with  a  radiant,  magnetic  energy  that  can’t  be  ignored.  people  are  naturally  drawn  to  you—whether  it’s  your  loud,  expressive  nature  or  your  vibrant  charisma.  you’re  a  people  person  with  a  heart  of  gold,  always  bringing  excitement  and  joy  wherever  you  go.  there’s  an  artistic  side  to  you  that  shines  through,  whether  it’s  in  hobbies  or  raw  talent.  everyone  wants  to  be  around  you  because  you  make  them  feel  seen  and  heard.  you  lead  with  warmth,  generosity,  and  an  infectious  enthusiasm  that  makes  you  unforgettable.

✮ VIRGO RISING IN APC you  give  off  an  aura  of  quiet  confidence.  observant  and  thoughtful,  you  pay  attention  to  the  tiniest  details  others  miss.  reliable  and  practical,  you  get  things  done  without  needing  the  spotlight.  you’re  self-aware  and  often  find  yourself  analyzing  everything  in  your  path.  your  actions  speak  louder  than  words,  and  though  you  might  seem  busy,  you’re  always  on  top  of  everything.  stress  may  come  naturally,  but  so  does  your  knack  for  solving  problems  like  a  detective.  competent,  responsible,  and  always  prepared,  people  trust  you  to  handle  things  when  it  counts.

✮ LIBRA RISING IN APC people  can’t  help  but  be  drawn  to  you  with  your  natural  charm  and  ease  in  social  settings.  you  know  how  to  make  others  feel  comfortable  and  welcome,  and  your  sense  of  justice  makes  you  the  one  who  stands  up  for  what’s  right.  optimism  flows  from  you,  and  negativity  doesn’t  find  a  home  in  your  vibe.  though  you  radiate  kindness,  your  humor  can  be  surprisingly  dark.  you’re  dramatic  in  how  you  express  yourself,  and  you’re  always  quick  to  make  friends.  at  first,  you  give  people  everything,  but  it  can  take  time  for  them  to  truly  get  to  know  the  real  you.

✮ SCORPIO RISING IN APC there’s  a  magnetism  about  you,  one  that  pulls  people  in  or  pushes  them  away.  you  have  a  private,  mysterious  side,  and  your  calm,  composed  exterior  hides  a  fierce  emotional  depth.  you’re  not  easy  to  figure  out—your  thoughts  and  feelings  stay  under  lock  and  key.  but  those  who  earn  your  trust  find  an  incredibly  loyal,  intense  connection.  you’re  fiercely  protective  of  your  boundaries,  and  people  see  you  as  powerful  and  enigmatic.  your  intelligence  lets  you  see  through  people  and  situations,  and  your  empathy  allows  you  to  connect  deeply  with  those  close  to  you.  hardships  may  have  shaped  you,  but  you  wear  them  like  armor.

✮ SAGITTARIUS RISING IN APC optimistic,  adventurous,  and  always  on  the  lookout  for  something  new,  you  have  an  expansive  energy  that  makes  you  seem  larger-than-life.  you’re  always  in  search  of  meaning,  diving  deep  into  philosophy  or  spirituality.  straightforward  and  direct,  you  speak  your  mind  without  hesitation,  though  it  can  sometimes  come  off  as  blunt.  honesty  is  your  signature,  and  you’re  always  keeping  things  light  and  enjoyable.  family  matters  to  you  deeply,  and  you  expect  the  same  loyalty  and  support  you  give.

✮ CAPRICORN RISING IN APC you  might  come  off  as  serious  or  even  a  bit  distant,  with  a  reserved  vibe  that  gives  off  the  impression  of  someone  who's  always  in  work  mode.  people  might  mistake  you  for  constantly  unhappy,  but  that’s  just  the  exterior.  underneath,  you  have  a  quiet  strength  that  draws  people  in.  you’re  committed  to  your  passions  and  interests,  taking  them  seriously  and  with  a  focus  on  stability.  you’re  selective  about  the  people  you  let  into  your  life,  and  even  more  selective  about  what  you  share.  your  presence  can  be  intimidating,  but  those  who  get  past  your  guarded  exterior  see  your  reliable,  supportive  side.

✮ AQUARIUS RISING IN APC you  have  an  unconventional  energy  that  catches  people  off  guard.  a  little  aloof,  a  little  detached,  you  stand  out  without  even  trying.  independent  and  easygoing,  you  have  an  unpredictable  streak  that  keeps  people  guessing.  your  rebellious  side  can  make  you  seem  a  bit  dangerous,  and  you’re  always  changing  in  ways  others  don’t  expect.  you  connect  with  all  kinds  of  people,  from  all  walks  of  life,  effortlessly.  you’re  open-minded,  curious,  and  cool—like  a  more  laid-back,  intellectual  gemini.

✮ PISCES RISING IN APC gentle  and  empathetic,  you  have  an  approachable,  almost  ethereal  vibe.  you  make  people  feel  understood  without  saying  much.  your  kindness  and  compassion  are  evident  in  everything  you  do,  even  when  you  might  seem  a  bit  distant and disconnected.  you’re  highly  sensitive,  and  emotions  can  sometimes  overwhelm  you,  making  you  retreat  to  recharge.  you  live  in  your  own  world,  but  once  people  get  to  know  you,  they  see  a  different  side—one  that’s  outgoing,  bubbly,  and  full  of  life.  you’re  sweet,  and  your  energy  is  almost  ghost-like,  flowing  in  and  out  of  spaces,  leaving  a  trail  of  warmth  behind.

[tumbleofwires]

I am actually at a place right now where I can love and accept myself for this sometimes. I think dealing with chronic physical issues has made me way more accepting of myself when it comes to my mental health issues. so that's a win?

sorry for acting so strange & irregular it will happen again

[melminli]

what would it be like to be in a romantic relationship with cho hyun-ju? l headcanons

short summery - a few scenarios about dating the one and only, cho hyun-ju! (w/ fem!reader)

a/n: i’m not a trans person so i obviously can't know what that feels like, but i also never want to ignore that part when writing smth w/ her since it's an integral part of her identity! lmk if there ever is something that i should fix!

dating hyun-ju would probably have to happen either before her transition or quite a while after because she just wouldn't be in the right headspace to meet someone new during the early stages of all that change. it just would be a period in her life where she needs a lot of space and time for herself, so romantic relationships would definitely not be one of her priorities.

however, dating hyun-ju before she starts her transition would give you both several options on how to manage this step in your relationship. firstly, you would have to think about your sexuality a bit, if you haven't already done so. especially, if you would still want to be with her! it would obviously be difficult for hyun-ju to finally decide to come out to you because she loved you and didn't want to risk losing you, but of course, she would still respect any decision you made! sometimes you just have to let go of the things you love, even though it would break her heart if you decided to stay friends. but, either way, she was glad that she could trust you with this!

dating hyun-ju after she came out to you would lead to you helping her as much as you could through the steps of feeling more comfortable in her body and standing by her side after losing family and friends. you were ready for her to share her mental problems and more with you, so that you could support her, but hyun-ju would try to burden you as little as possible with all that stuff. having you by her side was enough for her and she also just didn't like complaining to the one person who made her forget about all the negative things in her life. so, maybe after a while, you two would agree that she should try therapy! it would be something that could reinforce her in a way that she felt more comfortable with when it came to her problems, and it would help her tell you about some things in a way that wouldn't overwhelm you or her.

dating hyun-ju would generally mean that you would always feel safe by her side, not only because she was a very understanding person and a good listener - but also because she was well aware of her own physical strength! there was a time when she was very ashamed of it and it wasn't her fault that society didn't consider muscles and stuff to be 'feminine', but you didn't want her to dislike herself for something that you loved about her. so, you did some research and discovered some great female personal trainers, wrestlers, and the like to show them to her! self esteem wasn't something that could be built overnight, but seeing other women who were like her and confident should still help somehow, right? besides, you two eventually started being fans of these people!

dating hyun-ju would mean that she would unconsciously take care of you in different ways. whether that meant taking you out somewhere or cooking for the two of you. honestly, you would have a hard time returning the favor because hyun-ju would insist that she liked giving more than taking, but she also deserved to sit back and relax sometimes! so, there would be more moments over time when she would let you take the lead and let herself get spoiled a bit.

dating hyun-ju would involve, that you only had to mention something you liked in a conversation once for her to buy it for you. she's pretty observant when it comes to things like that!

dating hyun-ju would mean that when you went to bed at night, you would often have long pillow talks until one of you fell asleep. the length of the conversations always varied, of course, but you both especially cherished the time on days when you were recovering from a busy week. you would just lie close to each other for quite a while, whispering quiet things to each other while the nightlight was on, and find comfort in each other's presence.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Journals (part 2)

Part 1

Summary: new realisations and hauntingly beautiful words

•○●⛦●○•

Word Count: 2059

Warnings: heavyyyy angst, mental health issues, depression, feeling unworthy of love, panic attack, self harm (alluded to), self hate. thats all i can think of right now, but let me know if i need to add anything

A/n: based on old poetry by @garden-of-runar 🤭i had reblogged them to my drafts on a side blog that i dont use at all, so i couldnt reblog them on my main, but i have put them in the fic, so ig that works🤷🏻‍♀️ also, if i ever write a part 3 (which i might based on feedback) azzie would be the love interest <3

ALSO MY GIRLIE IS SO TALENTED DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED I LOVE THESE POEMS 🥹

(im also tagging people who asked for a part two hope u dont mind <3)

anyways, enjoyyyy!!

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Lying on the ground, despite how it hurt her joints sometimes, was one of Y/n’s favourite pastimes. Maybe because sometimes she did not have the energy to crawl into her bed, but that was not the point.

They hate you.

The hardness of the wood panels was oddly comforting, the way the grains sometimes raised enough for her to feel them with her fingers, the soft creaking when she stepped on them. It reminded her that she was here, that she was alive. That she was getting what she deserved for being so pathetic.

The soft mattress did not give her the same level of comfort. Sure, it was warm and cozy, but did she deserve it?

No.

You deserve this.

You deserve the worst.

Y/n sniffled, lying on her side as she lifted her hand higher next to her, dragging her nails down the planks, the feeling overwhelming in itself but better than not feeling anything. She watched her fingers jerk with the motion, pale and bloodless.

She could feel her tears collecting in a pool and seeping under her cheek. She glanced at the foot of the bed in front of her.

It looks so majestic from down here.

Do people who are worse off think the same way about me?

I don’t want them to. Because I am not worth being thought of like that.

I am nothing. I am pathetic.

It became harder and harder to take in a breath from her nose, as it continued to grow clogged from all her sobbing.

It was one of her least favourite things about crying.

Pathetic.

Stop it!

You’re pathetic. Crying over nothing.

You don’t deserve anything good.

The thoughts kept echoing in her head, louder and louder. She couldn’t breathe any longer.

And it was not because of anything physical.

Her chest began to constrict, forcing her lungs to let out precious air. She tried to breathe it back in, desperately wishing to cling to any remnants of oxygen like a child clinging to its mothers skirts.

Please. Just one inhale.

Her throat tightened.

Just one.

She gasped, futilely trying to breathe one last time to breathe before she knew she would collapse, faint because of the lack of air in her body. It gave her some reprieve, and her eyes focused back to the bed.

The longer she stared at it, the more drowsy she became. Her eyelids were drooping, and she finally, finally decided that maybe letting herself submit to her body’s needs wouldn’t be too bad, if it meant that the thoughts would stop. Maybe if she gave in to the tiredness in her bones after hours of sobbing, her mind would stop being so cruel.

Maybe it would take pity on her.

Maybe.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

"We should go out tomorrow!"

Y/n smiled a little. A rare smile that only recently had begun showing on her face.

It wouldn’t be considered a real smile. But it was still there on her face. The tilt of her lips.

We. Not me. We.

They wanted her to be present too.

Cassian jumped up, looking at Y/n with a grin. "I always wanted to take Y/n out to Rita’s."

Her smile grew.

The other members talked, making plans for tomorrow. Slowly, the conversation spiralled, as it always did between them all.

Azriel leaned close to Y/n, whispering jokes in her ear that made her giggle. Rhysand sat on the same couch as Cassian, fighting like children. Mor sat next to Amren, amusement shining in her eyes as she added fuel to the fire, while Amren looked like she’d rather be anywhere but here.

They talked well into the night, politics, food, court gossip bleeding into one another as the time trickled by.

But the moment the conversations wandered into their future, Y/n’s smile faded. She wondered, would they want her to stay in their life?

She didn’t have to wonder long, as the words they uttered were enough to give her peace.

They talked of vacations, of parties and new traditions. Of getting married, of being with their partners. Of celebrating lives and years and months, of celebrating ends and new beginnings.

They talked, and included her.

They talked in ‘we’s’. Not in ‘me’s’.

And that was enough for her little heart to be happy.

For it to heal, for the blood to return to her face.

For her to smile, free and unbidden.

But then, time passed. And just like the sand in an hourglass trickles away, so do all good things.

As she watched, the scene changed from only housing six people in the living room, to adding three more members. And slowly, she was pushed out.

And they began talking in ‘me’s’.

Some ‘we’s’, but it never meant Y/n.

No, it meant them. Them and their partners.

It meant Feyre and Rhysand. Their new lives and baby.

It meant Cassian and Nesta. Their new mating bond and blooming love.

It meant Azriel and Elain. Their growing infatuation.

Y/n doubted the infatuation had ended, as Azriel no longer sat next to Elain at dinners. Lucien’s visits to Velaris had increased too.

But everyone’s visits to Y/n and their thoughts about her had decreased. No one seemed to remember her existence.

And she deserved it.

They chatted among themselves, and the armchair she sat on vanished from under her, leaving her standing knee deep in the freezing snow. Watching from the outside as the warm interior that had seemed so welcoming just a moment ago turned into a nightmare.

Her worst nightmare.

It left her whimpering, leaving her to curl on the cold ground.

All alone, just like she deserved.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

It was almost sunset, and finally, Rhysand had built up the determination to read the damned journal.

He walked downstairs, peering into the living room before stepping in front of it.

Mor had departed after Y/n had left, tears in her eyes. Azriel and Cassian had been sitting in the living room for the whole two hours since then, staring into space, looking haunted and horrified at the way they hadn’t realised what was going on with their friend. Amren too, sat in an armchair in the corner, looking as unbothered as ever. But Rhys saw the cracks. The shifting eyes, the too hard hold on the book she held in her lap, the downward tilt of her lips more pronounced.

"I think it’s time we read the journal."

Four sets of eyes shot up to his figure.

"Are you sure, Rhys?" Cassian mumbled, standing up uncertainly.

Rhys nodded. "It is the only option we have."

Azriel sighed, mirroring Cassian’s movements and moving closer to Rhysand.

Feyre perked up. "What is going on Rhys?"

He clenched his jaw, guilt and regret festering in his gut. He had been so busy in his newfound happiness, so wound up in enjoying every moment with his mate that he had forgotten family. He had forgotten her to the extent his mate didn’t even know what the slight tang of copper in the air meant.

"Nothing, Feyre." He mumbled, turning away.

"Elain was asking-"

"Tell her to stop asking, then." Rhysand froze at the coldness in Azriel’s voice, his eyes going wide. Azriel never used that tone of voice with anyone outside of work, let alone Feyre.

Feyre stepped back, her calves hitting the couch as she stared at her friend in shock. "Az?"

Azriel pushed past Rhysand, making his way towards his study where the journal sat, looking as frustrated and unapologetic as ever.

After a shared glance, Rhysand and Cassian followed, Amren hot on their heels.

Azriel was already seated in one of the chairs at Rhysand’s mahogany desk, his eyes fixed on the journal that lay in the middle, his jaw clenched. He seemed to be the most affected, and Rhys only had the faintest idea why.

The four of them sat in waiting until Mor finally arrived, shutting the door behind her. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she sniffled lightly as she came to stand next to Cassian.

"Rhys, do we really have to read it? It will be an invasion of privacy."

Rhys swallowed. Thought it over. "We don’t really have a choice, do we? We need to figure out the root of this. She won’t tell us if we ask, we know that. Plus, she might already be way down the path of another breakdown after what happened today."

"That is why I think that instead of sitting around on our arses," Azriel ground out, "we should go and check up on her."

Rhys raised a brow, though concern festered in his gut. "Azriel, we’ve been through this before. She will feel worse about herself, thinking she inconvenienced us."

A muscle feathered in Azriel’s jaw, but he said nothing.

And so they began reading.

Rhysand opened a random page, his breath catching at the sudden tang of copper, and began reading. As he stared at the words before speaking them aloud, he remembered seeing the exact poem in a book he recommended to Y/n over fifty years ago.

Forgotten.That is my nameThat is the path I walkIt has been so longI don’t remember what it is like to be seenAnd I spill, my tears lining the path to the woods where my body lies,Forgotten.- from GardenofRunar

Instantly, Rhysand’s blood ran cold. He leaned back, exhaling. The pages were decorated in flowers and hearts, tiny little clouds and doodles in the margins so at odds with the thoughts spilled onto them like a hauntingly beautiful scenery.

At this point, Cassian and the others had moved to peer over Rhys’s shoulder. Rhys watched as Cassan reached over to turn the page with a shaky hand, pulling it back almost instantly as if the page had burned him. There, just above the words was a small handful of doodles, and he knew the small figures resembled the inner circle before Rhys had been taken under the mountain.

The poem was more a letter than anything, except it contained so few letters but thy hit everyone with a guilt so hard it was almost like a mountain fell onto them.

So like Y/n, to say so less yet still make an impact.

I didn’t forget about you.Can you say the same for me?Don’t bother.I know the answer.-GardenOfRunar

Under the poem, were a few words.

The poet is so talented. Every poem of them I read, it makes me want to sob.Maybe because I relate to these. Maybe that’s why.

Quiet sniffles came from Mor, but Rhys turned another page. It was the first page where blood began dotting the corners, a few drops on the center of the page veining out towards the edges, as if trying to exit but being unable to.

The almost poeticness of the sight was not lost on them. The blood droplets were almost like Y/n, trying to escape a cruel mind but unable to.

My friends are living lives, and I’m trudging through a million little days,Wasting away.- GardenofRunar

A hand snaked towards the book, slamming it shut. Rhysand jumped, his eyes flying to the owner of the scarred hand that appeared.

"Enough." His voice was still, quiet, but so cold it could freeze even the summer court over. And Rhysand knew. He was blaming himself for not paying attention to Y/n.

Rhys nodded, feeling guiltier by the second.

Everyone went back to their places, sitting in silence. Contemplating.

Wondering how they had become so oblivious to the point that they couldn’t see what was right in front of them the entire time.

The regret, the sadness was heavy in the air. It was getting hard to breathe it in.

Finally, Azriel stood, grabbing the book.

Then he turned, and walked out the door without a word, his wings pulled tight against his back.

And Rhysand wondered again.

Was this just some friendly concern, some self blame, or something else entirely?

Needless to say, suspicion took root. But guilt and hate overwhelmed it once more, and the family was left to sit and roil in it.

To wonder, how could they have been so busy that they ignored such an important part of them?

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

(ps. the first part in the memories/dreams Y/n has is based off this poem

You talk in ‘we’s’ Not ‘me’s’ And it heals my heart, just a little. Puts a smile on my face, just a little. You talk about a future One with me in it And I feel the color Return to my face. Just a little. - Runar

)

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Acotar Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686

@cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1

@hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21

@mybestfriendmademe @saltedcoffeescotch @lady-of-tearshed @starsinyourseyes

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @byyalady

@lilah-asteria @girlswithimagination @garden-of-runar @girlswithimagination

@sunnyspycat @artists-ally @milswrites @kingdomofstarrynights

@berryzxx @buttermilktea11 @loving-and-dreaming @yucanbmylxdy

@mellowmusings @dnfhascorruptedme @fuckingsimp4azriel

Azriel Taglist: @darthdumbasss @foreverrandomwritings @azrielsmate3 @celestialend

@stqrgirlies-blog @tele86 @bakananya @xyzmeh

@st4r-girl-official @caraaaaugh @nacho-nat @allllium

@fandomarchiveilyd @nickishadow139 @angel-graces-world-of-chaos @okaytrashpanda

@celestialgilb @donnadiddadog

[eddsboxofdisectiontools]

The mass mischaracterization of Edd bugs me to death sometimes and I know I'm not the only one. No he's not a "soft uwu boy" he's a traumatized, overly empathetic kid with some kind of mental illness slaving himself away to his parents out of fear of disappointing the people he has been told he needs to please. His kindness is not him being "soft", nor is his tendency to cry or break down. He's probably autistic, and suffers from an overabundance of empathy. I highly doubt he enjoys it. He won't be mean, but he will be sarcastic and/or satirical (people forget this one a lot). And while I don't think he'd be a law breaker in any sense, even mildly like trying drugs, I'm 99% sure he'd grow up to be affiliated with punk ideology and general rage at the government. I don't even think he'd bother people who break the law in certain ways very much after a certain age. If he saw Eddy smoking, or Ed popping blues, he may warn them about the dangers IF IT'S THEIR FIRST TIME. But if they've done it before, he'll probably let them be. I think he'd turn away if he saw shoplifting occurring at a large store as an adult knowing how those companies overprice their stuff.

He's intelligent. The way we see him act as a kid is influenced by his parents being an oxymoron helicopter parent duo that somehow manages to both micromanage their son AND lack presence at the same time. The way he acts around Ed and Eddy (speaking specifically about his sarcastic tendencies) is his true self. His intelligence doesn't mean he lacks any humor or fun. He isn't "soft" in the way people make him look, and he'd probably be the first to defend his friends from assholes. May I remind you that he stands his ground in BPS? Pretty damn well, might I add. People think he lacks confrontational abilities and while he does have some anxiety surrounding himself and may not defend himself to people he doesn't know very well, he almost always seems to be the first to confront someone when they need to be corrected. If he wasn't most likely physically disabled (as evident by his inability to do ANYTHING without severe exhaustion and panting) he'd probably beat you up if you hurt anyone's feelings enough that he felt he had to step in.

[socialistexan]

I want to tell myself that if my great-grandmother could survive the Holocaust, I can survive today. But I could never meet so many of my elders, because most of her family didn't make it.

I want to tell myself that if our LGBTQ elders could survive extreme state repression pre-stonewall followed by the aids crisis, I can survive today. But most of us don't even know our LGBTQ elders, because most of them didn't make it.

I'm trying to not be pessimistic. I'm trying to not fall into a hole of despair. I'm trying to not completely bottom out mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Because for every person who made it, dozens of others didn't. And sometimes the ones who did, did so out of pure luck.

And I don't know what to do with that information.

[ashtxrie]

we stay locked in

— alternatively, enhypen as (my) high school classes!

PAIR. high school! enhypen x gn!reader (rest under cut) GENRE. humor, high school au, blurbs WORD COUNT. 1.3k total NOTES. hello enhablr i am BACK. sorry guys this is alternatively known as a super self-indulgent enhypen as my classes this year so i don’t crash out in semester 2 post

이희승 — lee heeseung

philharmonic orchestra. he’s there for the vibes (and to fulfill his performing arts graduation credit requirement) but he’s secretly super invested in music theory. the type to say “i didn’t practice at all lol” the day of the audition but still eat that shi up anyway?? people tell him to stop the cap but honestly, he has the raw talent to pull it off as well so nobody really knows. he WILL be that person clocking people who use the restroom for the nth time in the middle of the firebird suite though, but man, sometimes people really do need that bathroom break for their mental and physical wellbeing. as his stand partner, he’s really good at covering for you if you make a mistake and even takes mutual blame for coming in early even though it was definitely your fault for taking a nap during your 5-measure rest... he’s that one student who gets to conduct the orchestra when the conductor is absent (or “sick” on a vacation to disney world) and the ensemble actually respects him enough to take him seriously.

박종성 — park jongseong

ap us history. we all know this man loves history; he would actually be the type to read the textbook for fun and not just search up summary pdfs or upload the whole dang thing to chat gpt! i feel like quizlet would be his best friend and would probably terrorize all his other friends to build their quizlet flashcard streaks with him. lowk he’s just in this class so he can flex random history facts on uninformed people I’M SORRY he secretly enjoys somewhat resembling the “umm actually!” meme. but honestly you go jay, being educated IS rightfully a flex. i feel like he’d actually talk to the teacher after class just to ask a clarifying question or just to confirm something totally random; he’d be like “was there really a u.s. entomological warfare field test called operation big itch?!” and the teacher would absolutely love him for that. on practice dbq days, he’s the best person to have on your team — you know you’re set when he gives you the look and little nod that communicates that he 100% got this. 

심재윤 — sim jaeyun

ap calculus bc... THIS MAN WILL GLAZE THE HELL OUT OF AP CALCULUS BC. just like how he is adamant about his physics glazing, math is no exception. tell me why he’s legitimately taking advantage of ten minutes at the end of class to get started on his homework? put that TI-84 AWAY and look me in the eyes. he’s the one classmate who’s super nonchalant and sporty and sits in the back of the classroom, but is secretly an academic weapon. “jake sim, wonderful work. you were the only one in the class who got 100.” HELLO??? good thing you always go over to him for a post-exam debrief, because he’s basically the answer key anyway. during class, he’d be quietly doing his own thing and joking around with the people around him, but the teacher lets it slide. everyone in the class is conflicted between loving and hating him, but he’s genuinely so nice and is always eager to help the people around him who need it — that still doesn’t stop the entire class from naming him their D1 opp though! 

박성훈 — park sunghoon

ap biology. the one who spites people who obliterate the curve. he’s also the best frq peer-grader though, he’s going off of vibes! if you mention anything remotely close to the answer key, you bet he’s giving you the point because people suffer enough already. sunghoon is surprisingly good at the labs though, he managed to not kill a single fly in the mendelian genetics lab and he’s super diligent at counting them too. your other lab mates had exhaled a bit too harshly one time and the sedated flies went FLYING across the lab table from under the microscope — you swear sunghoon’s eye twitched because he had JUST sorted them all by phenotype. he didn’t say anything to them though, and just started recounting the flies again because he’s just a chill guy like that. what people don’t know about him is that he actually scores high enough to potentially set the curve, he just chooses not to raise his hand when the teacher asks for top scores because he’s #taking one for the team. what a legend. 

김선우 — kim sunoo

advanced journalism. producing a newspaper? more like an excuse to know ALL the gossip and put everything under the name of investigative journalism. it’s literally his JOB to be on top of all the school events and the niche hobbies and passions that students have, and he absolutely loves it. combined with his social personality and strong writing, he’s for sure the editor of the “spotlight” category. and honestly, he’s the best the school has had in a long time. his feedback is always something to look forward to too — as one of his staff writers, your drafts are handed back with a colored pen circling a particular phrase you used, with the words “someone cooked here” or “OH YES GIRL” written in the margins. he brings the best food for after-school mandatory work days too, from donuts to chips to canned drinks — sunoo knows that the people need the snacks in order to gain enlightenment mid-article! his pages in the newspaper are also the most visually appealing too, this man knows how to use adobe indesign. 

양정원 — yang jungwon

ap english language and composition. with how diligently he uses duolingo, i have no doubts that jungwon will succeed in ap lang. imagine if he applies that study technique to memorizing rhetorical devices? he would be reading something completely random like the instagram terms of service and going “omg wait guys this is anaphora” like okay english king. and the effort he puts in shows in his results too. when jungwon checked his grades to see a 100% on the timed write while every one of his friends complained for a whole week about getting an 80, he knew he was locked IN. he participates a lot during class discussions too, so everyone knows who he is. as a fellow #taking one for the team legend, he always agrees to be the sacrifice to share out to the class the table group’s ideas. also — something not exactly english-focused, but he’s also so alarmingly good at time management. like how is he maintaining a solid sleep schedule and clear skin while watching alchemy of souls during his pomodoro breaks? the world will never know. 

西村力 — nishimura riki

ap chemistry. hear me out he signed up for this class thinking he could blow stuff up. he did not, in fact, get to blow stuff up all year — the blowing was done instead in the form of a huge blow to this man’s gpa. like what do you mean there’s solubility rules, polyatomic ions, vsepr geometric structures and their BOND ANGLES, plus gas law equations to memorize?! he went slightly delirious mid-semester and came up with insane, unhinged references just to drill all the content into his memory, from connecting acetate (CH3CO2-) to his “esteemed rizz mentor” heeseung (3 letter e’s in his name and he breathes out CO2!) and imagining his friends on a fucking seesaw to memorize the <90 and <120 degree bond angles. he tried explaining his logic to you (rapping out the equation for the van der waals real gas law?) and you just went along with it. he actually pulled through though with a B+ at the end of it all, but he swears to never have jake in charge of his course selection ever again. 

TAGLIST: @star-sim @boyfiejay @jlheon @jwsdoll @dimplewonie @suneng @en-gelic @mygnolia

[thedandelionresistance]

I hope this is not derailing, but this is also the exact same shit happening in the disability and plural communities right now as well. The idea that if you don't have a "physical condtion" that you're "able-bodied" and therefore have privilege and are basically an oppressor (when physical symptoms of "mental" conditions are not only common but sometimes part of the diagnostic criteria and vice versa, and mental conditions are just the consciousness-altering symptoms of a neurological condition), and likewise that if you're physically sick you have easy access to care in a way that people with 'mental' illnesses don't. The idea that mental illnesses and neurodisabilities can never be as disabling or affect literal physical access or be as dangerous as physical conditions, while also focusing on mobility disabilities to the exclusion of basically all other physically disabling conditions. Claiming strangers are more privileged than you despite their actual lives contradicting it, claiming universal or general community experiences are exclusive to only one part of the community, using "do not derail" to mean "people who are both physically disabled and neurodisabled we will not believe you in the same way doctors and ables society don't believe all of us".

Same with sys//course, exclusion because of system origin, exclusion because of disordered status.

We've experience more neuroableism and sanism and endomisia online as a traumaendo system, but admittedly we are aware of huge amounts of corpoableism in the disabled community (often more from gatekeepers and exclusionists), and have experienced a lot of plurableism specifically at the hands of sys//meds and anti-e//ndos.

And there's always excuses, ranging from "but I didn't experience this ableism/level or type of disability with my shared neurodiagnosis so you must be lying" to "well technically if you're physically disabled in any way we'll say you count but we'll still harass you off the internet if you claim to be physically disabled from a condition we don't believe that can happen with or significantly affect your life from" to "well because ableists choose to be shitty and bigoted about plurality that's the fault of endogenic nondisordered systems actually" to "well men benefit from patriarchy so trans men do too".

It's exhausting, and those of us in both of the communities/subgroups the discourse centers around and splits into a binary always are left the most vulnerable and the most harmed by it.

I try to avoid conspirational thinking especially because of our schizophrenia but damn sometimes it's hard not to feel like this is a genuine actual psyop meant to divide us and make us blame each other. I keep reminding myself that people who like to deepthroat boot exist in every community and tend to be the type that think "being loud all the time wins arguments" and aren't the majority.

But DAMN do we need to come together as communities of marginalized people and present a united front (yeah, even with people we can't stand as a person, as long as they're not actively backstabbing people), now more than ever.

honestly, as a trans woman who's running a fairly 'popular' or whatever queer blog, i've noticed so much shit in the past 2 years and i'm just gonna lay it out for y'all. it's a new year. it's 2025. i do NOT wanna carry any more of this bullshit forward. i'm calling everything for what it is. if this pisses you off, unfollow or block and move on.

as someone else put it in the tags on one of my other posts:

i am sick and tired of not talking about extremely important queer conversation topics for the sake of "keeping the peace".

this is not giving trans women and transfemmes a better quality of life to attack literally every every and all trans men for being trans men. it's making people fucking scared shitless of us. i hope people realize this isn't helping improve the opinion other people have on trans women and transfemmes. it's making people absolutely fucking terrified to even exist around us, because we've gotten to the point where we're attacking literally everyone and anyone who says something we don't like. people are fucking terrified of talking around transfemmes and trans women and it's time we broke the silence on that.

other transfemmes and trans women: do you seriously, really want other trans people to be scared to death of you? do you really want other trans people to be absolutely fucking terrified to speak around you because they're scared of getting fucking yelled at? do you really want other trans people to be utterly terrified to speak up about their own trans issues for fear of being told they hate you? do you really want other people around you to feel utterly terrified to talk about anything queer related at all for fear of being corrected, looked down upon, or verbally harassed?

i am just completely done with this environment we've fostered where basically everyone is on pins and goddamn needles holding themselves back from having real, genuine, impactful, substantial conversations about gender because they're absolutely scared shitless of being called transmisogynistic and publicly cancelled and harassed at all times for saying something as simple as "trans men don't have it easy" or talking about how AFAB people can also be trans. it really does not take much at all to set people off on this website and start accusing people of being transmisogynists left right and center.

i'm not participating in this weird mind game anymore. i do not like how this is being used to control the narrative on transness and trans experiences.

i am done with having to walk on eggshells in every. single. conversation. we have about gender.

i am done with acting like talking about transmasculinity and transmanhood is somehow magically attacking and silencing trans women and transfemmes.

i am done with people having to tack on massive disclaimers saying that they're not attacking trans women and transfemmes just for talking about their experiences on just about every post people write about gender.

i feel like every conversation about gender on here has to be so fucking sterile and calculated and meticulously planned out and stripped of most of its contents in order to not immediately get slammed with a "oh so you hate trans women" or a "oh so you're transmisogynstic." it's fine to point out genuine transmisogyny, i'm not gonna say you have to put up with it when it's real, but can we acknowledge that people are leveraging the fear other people have of being called transmisogynistic to shut people up?

at this point it's being used as a scare tactic and i'm so over it. i loathe how accusing people of being transmisogynistic is a default insult. trans men can't make a post about transmasculinity without someone getting pissed off and calling them transmisogynistic. trans men can't talk about a goddamn thing without being told to shut up, for some reason? why is this happening? like literally why are you doing this? trans men can't talk about ANYTHING at this point. like they needed to be able to coin words for the specific types of oppression they face so they could talk about it, and instead they just get fucking yelled at and told they're being copycats and that the violence they faced wasn't real? what the actual hell is this accomplishing?

why are we acting like we own oppression and no one else can even come close to understanding what its like? come on now, we don't own the goddamn concept of oppression. we also don't own transness. i am sick to death of this idea that transfemininity and trans womanhood are the only "real" ways to be trans. we do not own the concept of transness. it's not just about us. "trans rights" applies to more than just us. it can't be about us all the time. WE are the ones being self centered right now. WE are the ones who are forcing the conversation to be about us in situations where it's completely and totally inappropriate.

we need to say it for what it is: we're fostering an environment where, at this point, only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk about anything queer related at this point. like can we call it for what it is? for some reason, trans men and transmascs aren't allowed to talk about trans manhood or transmasculinity at all. ever. they're not allowed to say a fucking peep. they have to shut up and listen to a trans woman explain it to them, because for some reason, the trans woman knows trans manhood better than the trans man. this is out of fucking control, we should not have trans women explaining trans manhood to other people unless they are also a trans man. this is just unacceptable. transfems attack transmascs who speak for transfems, and yet this is seen as good and the norm?

you are not cool if you hate trans men and misgender them on purpose. this isn't feminist. this isn't progressive. you're not getting back at the patriarchy- most trans men do not benefit from patriarchy and never will- you would understand this if you listened to them. instead of talking over and for trans men, and listening to people who talk over and for trans men, if you listened to trans men, the source, you'd understand that no, transmasculine lives are NOT easy and no, trans men do not instantly benefit from patriarchal society if at all, ever. if you listened you'd understand that T doesn't make people aggressive and hostile and evil. if you listened you'd understand that there are a lot of wonderful, loving trans men out there are who are not transmisogynistic just by virtue of existing.

nobody is saying that we want to you prioritize men over trans women when we talk about trans men's rights. we're not saying that we need to talk about men all the time and never talk about women, and that men are the only ones allowed to talk, now. we really have to let multiple people participate in conversations. we can't keep doing this thing where One Gender Has To Be Superior Over another. that's gender essentialism. why must you keep yourself trapped inside the binary like that? why are you so desperate to stay stuck inside of the machine that's trying to destroy you?

challenging someone else's transphobia is not being transphobic. challenging someone else's behavior is not hating them or their gender. criticism is not an attack on trans womanhood and transfemininity. transfemmes are trans women are not immune to criticism and we need to stop acting like we are. we're not. we've created an echo chamber where only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk right now and it's not transmisogynistic to point that out, because it's literally happening before our eyes.

if we're demanding that other people treat us better, why are we treating other people like shit in the process to get it?

stop silencing other people talking about other trans experiences. transfemininity and trans womanhood are not the only ways to be trans. stop forcing yourself into conversations you don't belong in. if you don't want trans men do that, don't do it as a trans woman. don't barge into conversations you have literally 0 stock in just to be rude and mean and make the conversation about trans women instead. let other people talk. this has gone on for way too long.

let. other. trans. people. talk. we shouldn't have let it get this bad. but i'm not letting it stay this bad. if you want to accuse people having genuine conversations about transness of being transmisogynistic just because they're not a trans woman, then feel free, i'm not gonna stop you, but i'm not listening to you. i don't care anymore. i'm sick to death of not being able to have REAL conversations on here because some people don't like being reminded that they are not the only people who suffer under cisheteronormative patriarchy. if you can't accept that you are not the only one who suffers under patriarchy and that men need to be liberated from patriarchy as well, then i'm not interested in having a conversation with you to begin with.

seriously, if any of this bothers you, please just block me. i'm not participating in these dumb ass little mind games anymore. i do not give a singular shit about offending people who think this behavior is okay. i spent way too long being afraid to speak up about real world issues because of shitty internet trolls. i don't give a fuck if someone you don't like speaking about their experiences hurts your feelings- you are the problem here.

this is affecting real people in real time and i care about that. i care about people, not stupid ideologies and fighting over who is or isn't "really trans". i care about people, not fighting over labels. open your mind and understand that is is about real ass people, and not just ideologies. trans men and mascs are real ass people. they're not antagonists made specifically to attack and piss off transfemmes and trans women. enough of this.

[multiheadcanons]

REQUEST: TF2 MERCS AND FOOD

scout: okay, we’re gonna breeze past all scout knowing is twerk be bisexual eat hot chip and lie. we’re gonna hold that space, and now we’re gonna move on. scout can cook a bird like a son of a bitch. he can roast a turkey like nobody’s business. he cannot cook anything else. he has successfully made a turducken. heavy handed with the pepper. master spatchcocker. he puts like no effort into it and the bird just snaps. he’ll cook when he’s pissed at medic so he can cut up bird carcasses and tell him his doves are next. really, he’ll eat anything. except sushi. he hates the texture of raw fish.

soldier: he keeps an emergency stash of MREs in his room. normally not allowed in the kitchen. is allowed on the grill. he will use a thermometer when he cooks meat. no american is above salmonella. he is kind of picky, but doesn’t complain since he’s normally not cooking. he doesn’t like soups. doesn’t like anything too soft, really. he would like to work for his calories.

pyro: NOT ALLOWED IN THE KITCHEN. NOT ALLOWED WITHIN TEN FEET OF THE GRILL. CHASE THEM OFF IF SEEN IN THOSE LOCATIONS. pyro has not been, is not, and will never be willingly allowed near the cooking areas since the base fire of ‘74. nobody likes to talk about it. it was a bad day for everyone involved. if pyro begs, they might get to mash garlic. pyro genuinely only knows twerk be bisexual eat hot chip and lie. pyro LOVES spice. the hotter the better. willingly eats ghost peppers raw. and, contrary to popular belief, pyro hates sweets. doesn’t like the taste of sweet and how it coats their mouth. a sweet treat is very rare for them. they like a good pumpkin pie, or a nice sweet potato if they absolutely need something sweet. even fruit sometimes is too much. they like kiwis and pineapples because they sting a little. allergic to carrots

demo: demo is a master of meat. butchering, trimming, dressing, marinating, seasoning, roasting, frying, baking, pan searing. any way in which meat could be cooked demo can and has cooked it that way. once tried to cook a pork roast with a bomb. came back with soldier and tried to cook another one with a rocket. he is a scientist, and he likes to play with his food too. hates sour stuff. he can feel it in his eye socket. otherwise not picky about food. loves blueberries. hates raspberries. tries weird food combinations for his ratatouille moment. will physically fight anyone for the last piece of pizza.

heavy: soup master. cooks for twenty seven every time it’s his turn to cook. has a crazy mental catalogue of every soup known to man and can make a different soup every time. also is the one who knows exactly what is in the fridge at all times and when it will expire. resident grocery shopper with snipes. his job is to have the list prepared so all snipes has to do is take the list and not deviate. it takes them about a week of planning everything down to the budget. not very good with meats, but he can get it cooked. just may be overdone. sensitive stomach, can’t just eat garbage and be fine. there’s something about watching him read and absentmindedly eat grapes as he does so. forces pyro to eat fruit. like chases him around with an apple. his dedication from nutrition came from medic. he found the science behind it interesting, and thinks that caring for your body is one of the best things you can do for it. insane spice tolerance, but he hates spice. get this man on hot ones. his favorite spice is coriander. he likes saying it.

engineer: engie is a master at some good comfort food. he remembers his mama, god rest her soul, telling him as a young boy if he likes to eat he better like to cook. and buddy, does he love to cook. can make a sourdough starter from scratch. his favorite meal to cook and eat are chicken and dumplings. everyone fights for the chicken and dumplings. everyone begs him to make the chicken and dumplings. he’s so extra, he shapes the dumplings into hearts. like his mama used to do on his birthday. everyone eats that shit up they love engie when he’s in the kitchen. always willing to learn a recipe for someone, and the designated chef for birthdays. everyone normally wants the same thing on their birthdays, so it’s a fairly easy job. killer cornbread maker. medic once begged him to make an eggs benedict. he’d never tried before, but gave it a go. it came out pretty okay!the doctor would’ve appreciated it if everything were burned to a crisp, though. he was desperate.

medic: NOT ALLOWED IN THE KITCHEN. NOT ALLOWED WITHIN TEN FEET OF THE GRILL. KILL WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE IF FOUND IN THESE AREAS. medic should never be allowed in a kitchen. he’s messy, he’s chaotic, he enters and exits a room in whirlwinds, his hands are normally bloody. is has a basic grasp on cooking. pretty okay on the grill, but after the base fire of ‘74 he and pyro got banned. not picky at all, just has foods he likes more than others. has tried human meat in a taco. he didn’t mind it! a little too tough for him. might make a better burger. he likes to play in food too much to be given the responsibility to cook. he can help if he wants to, though. normally he brings alcohol and that’s his contribution to team dinners. a good bottle of wine or a 12 pack of beer. loves the concept of edible flowers. he and pyro will ruin a meal by demolishing that shit in edible glitter. please keep them out of the kitchen. he loves a good eggs benedict but he’s the only one who can consistently make hollandaise sauce and properly poach an egg. and he’s not allowed in the kitchen. so the days of the benedict of eggs are gone. eats sauerkraut out of the jar.

sniper: kitchen and grill bodyguard. will fire a warning shot once before headshotting the Banished. past that, you didn’t hear it from me, but snipes is a phenomenal baker. he‘s got a kiss the cook apron. he’ll only bake if he’s the only one in the base. the team will come back from whatever they’re doing to fresh pastries. warm bread. cookies baked to perfection. then he walks in and goes “oh, who did all of this” and the whole team won’t know. but as he watches them dig in, it warms his heart a little. he wishes that they would stop groaning when they ate though, he’s pretty sure they’re not that good. heavy is the only one who has intuited that it’s sniper making the pastries, but sniper doesn’t know that he knows. he keeps the secret though. resident grocery shopper with heavy. his job is to get them in and out of the store as fast as possible with no room for impulse buys. he and heavy are the only ones with enough discipline to resist going over the budget. lets heavy get the produce while he sprints for everything else. their record time is 30 minutes excluding checkout. brutal shopper. will casually move your cart, and you, to get what he needs. sometimes he will begin it with excuse me. but he’s not on the clock. he is trying to get out of there as fast as possible. has also tried human meat. not bad! he’d eat it if he had to.

spy: of course spy knows how to cook. he’s great at it. but do you think he’s actually cooking? he’s only in that kitchen when it’s fend for yourself night, and he does not show pity. yes he does make ratatouille. has a very refined palette. unless he himself is sick. then he’ll literally drink bath water if he can keep it down. once cried when eating a soup heavy made. it was the best thing he’d tasted in his life. keeps a snack basket and carafe in his room so he doesn’t have to be seen in the kitchen. loves some spice, but has a low spice tolerance. he’ll still eat a chili raw. he’ll never admit it but he loves getting to try everyone else’s cooking. it fascinates him, at least if they’re decent cooks. feels a little bad he’ll probably never get to try medic’s cooking. he’s sure the man knows his way around a bratwurst. jam and marmalade connoisseur. his favorite is orange. will literally moan over a good croissant and jam. loves his french breakfast of a croissant, a coffee and a cigarette.

[ficandkaboodle]

Sometimes. You just gotta imagine you’re in bed, physically, mentally, and emotionally tired. Easy thing to do. But then the hard part comes in where you have to make Copia’s dialogue accurate to his speaking patterns.

Like he might not sound so totally, completely sage — he’s still learning to accept things, too, and struggles just like every other person. And he’s never been the best at translating sensitive thoughts on the fly anyhow. So it can be a bit jarring to think of him agreeing, but it’ll be done in his own way: “Yeah. Yeah, this moment sucks. The here and now sucks major, heavy, unwashed balls.”

You might even want to laugh a bit at it but everything just feels so exhausting, you can barely muster anything besides just laying there. He doesn’t mind. And if you don’t mind it, he’ll reach into the blankets and pull out your hand, holding it in his own. Clasped between them. It’s warm, given the gloves.

“I know you don’t want to be here in this moment,” sounds okay enough to come from him, so you let that stick. You may fumble a few times, trying to find the right words but as exhaustion begins to overtake you, you settle on something you think you can live with:

“Life is like that. We both know this. But I promise you: I won’t let you be in this moment alone. Okay?”

Okay.

Okay.

It’s not fun, it’s not great, it’s not even good.

But it’s okay.

And when you get the strength to get out of bed, the impression of his gloved hand holding your bare one still in your mind, you’ll move forward. It can still okay. But maybe once you gather your bearings, it could be good.

But for now, this sucks. And this is okay.

[sundemonlord]

There's only so much you can control about yourself

There's some things that don't need to be controlled

Sometimes you're having a perfectly reasonable reaction

I know the point of such posts. But when you put this in the context of someone like me -- who is a part of many different marginalized communities..

It becomes less about what my reactions are and what I do and more about

The fact I exist at all being "the problem"

And i understand that my reaction/narrative should be "i belong here" "i matter" etc

But after a lifetime of physical and mental gymnastics only to be told

I still need x,y, and/or z to be

1. Loved or to love

2. To be helped/ or to help

3. To be safe/healthy/free..

Meanwhile everyone, more or less, can be whoever they are, however they are.. and valued exactly as they are?

I know that's not true. But it's a matter of degrees

And the more minorities you are

The more people dehumanize you

While also expecting more out of you than they do their "own" (even if they're foul)

tired of posts that are like "why should i go to therapy when the reason i'm upset is because of SOCIETY" and it's like

yeah. have you ever heard of a locus of control. you don't have control over Society but you do have control over your reaction to it

[lazlolullaby]

"Nurse" Terry AU

i mean a reboot of Terry Mcginnis being a home medical assistant for elder care.

Not the grimdark cop out twist, "lol Bruce was Crazy the whole time, the doctors were his rogues gallery" but. Mundane elder care for the man who fought too hard for this city to even consider he would live to old age. + Bonus medical support for the future Batfamily.

TL:Dr Terry as Alfred's successor. Caring of people that have made/continually make dangerous choices, dry wit, checkered past, willing to kill, etc. He just needs time to grow into it.

More details under the cut, accidentally evolved into a not fic:

Bruce already has a partial caretaker in Alfred, and he's not going to live forever, despite all of the fandom jokes otherwise.

I'm thinking Bruce is 70, so Dick and Barbara would be 50s, Jason and Cass 45, Tim, Duke, and Stephanie 40s, and Damian is 35. Titus was replaced with a few other service dogs before Ace.

Maybe it's like Batman Beyond where Bruce drove everyone away. Maybe the Golden Age of Heroes wound down, with his contemporaries either dying or leaving him alone to stand vigil.

Maybe it's not. When his kids are grown with their lives and vigilantes or not, they can't be there 24/7 for Bruce.

I prefer the Batfamily is around, just that they have their own lives. Someone is always in the Manor in the mornings, but when Vigilante things happen, someone has to be home to make sure Bruce doesn't go out as well.

Bruce, thanks to his vigilante history, has heart issues, bone and joint issues, canon Childhood PTSD compounding with complex Vigilante PTSD, and bad reactions to drugs and medications thanks to all of the Chemical Attacks.

Bruce is still good at his ADLs (Activities of Daily Life). Things like walking without assistance, eating, showering, putting on clothes, and going to the bathroom.

He's gotten denture implants and is doing physical therapy enough to walk with a cane. He can't open jars, but he can still zip and button.

He's retired but still runs the Cave. He's mostly fine, but sometimes the Bats see him struggle. Someone finds him at the bottom of the stairs, unable to get up and refusing to say when he fell. Dick puts his foot down when Bruce has a heart attack.

The batfamily makes up a rotation sheet, but it's not enough. Vigilante first aid is different from elderly medical aid. Not to mention the mental and emotional toll that it's taking, seeing their parent/leader disabled and crabby as hell.

(also. Untrained family members who care for Alzheimer's patients by themselves have a severe risk of cutting their life short due to stress. Use the insurance. Get help.)

So they get Bruce a fully trained nurse assistant to check in every other day for the midmorning and a first aid assistant for the night time. And they'll keep rotation at "vigilante time" 9-9. It's flexible, he doesn't need them all of the time.

So about Terry. Despite everything, it's still Gotham. His family was held up at gunpoint after a trip to the movies. The gun does go off.

But it's also a Gotham with several active vigilantes.

The response was quick enough that only Warren was hit, and the gun was knocked on the ground fast enough so Mary was physically fine. They get taken to the hospital. Mary might remember which vigilante. Terry might need to see pictures.

Warren's insurance plan with Wayne-Powers is pretty great, he's off on disability for a few months. And Mary is pregnant, so as she was progressing she can't lift or help with heavy things. Terry tries to help. He's getting well versed in getting snacks, waters, basic house chores done, but he's only 8. There's no grandparents or extended family to call.

So they apply for help. The insurance sends a home medical assistant to come around a few days a week. And Terry sees how much it helps. How much of a burden that it lifts, how everyone in the house can breathe a little easier. That sticks with him.

When the insurance runs out and they still need help, Mary calls the support card that the Vigilantes gave her. They get a second volunteer (maybe a cousin of his highschool group? Chelsea or Dana?) that also helps.

The worst is over, Warren is safely back to work + working from home to help out, Mary is fully recovered, and baby Matt is perfectly healthy.

And Terry is restless. Energy spent worrying about his family and taking care of them is churning in him. He's lost some time with his friends and is feeling isolated.

The cracks become apparent in the parents marriage, it gets tense at home.

The second volunteer comes around sometimes to babysit him and Matt while Mary and Warren are "working their relationship out". They tell him about the community center that sets people up with job training and temp healthcare jobs like this. Activities for the neighborhood kids after school.

Luckily and unluckily, that's where Terry gets recruited into the Red Hood gang.

Jason isn't really using kids for gang things. Well. Keeping them as look outs, making them deliver care packages to the homeless/protected witnesses, maybe ferrying a little naloxone here and there to his addiction rehab centers. They know what they're doing is illegal, but it also helps the community. Terry is pretty content with that most of the time. Most of the time.

And then Charlie had to get it in his head he's going "Big Time", riles Terry up, and make them go off plan.

Terry and Charlie get caught, they get booked in Juvenile hall. They don't say anything, don't reveal about Red Hood's movements. (Not that Jason would tell any kids anything like that.)

Terry got out, his parents officially split, he went with his Dad, his Mom took his younger brother. Now that he doesn’t have Matt, he can’t go back to his gang friends, his parents don’t trust him, people are hesitant to trust him, he’s getting frustrated again.

The Bats are also...more focused on the Gotham villainy side of things, not the company. Dick never got a business degree so he can't really do anything, not that he was interested, Jason is dead + his civilian alias is handling Crime Ally, Tim is burnt out of CEO duties and recovering in R&D, and Damian tried, but he was frustrated in following his father's footsteps, so that was stopped.

Derek Powers is still a thing but not all "glowy". Warren brought up the weapons file + discrepancy to Tim, so Terry's dad is safe (for now).

So Jason sees this kid who wants to help but just needs to be mentored and his act cleaned up. And Bruce, who's a little bit listless and needs a project that won't be too taxing.

So the Batfamily talks and throws them together.

BUT ALSO - fun storylines:

Derek Powers tries to kill Bruce through his medical assistants. He's a manipulator, also trying to get Terry for cheap, but Terry isn't biting. Terry checking the medicine before giving it to Bruce and finding it wasn't the usual. (Bruce knew, but he also wanted to make sure no one was slacking.) IDK if the day nurse/pharmacy tech got turned by Powers but Terry was planned to take the fall.

Bruce subtly training him in stealth tactics and strategy. The rest of the Batfamily getting in on it too.

Terry was able to clock that "Father Peterson", a pillar of the Crime Alley Community, was a civilian alias of Red Hood. (Peterson checked in on him in juvie. His foot stance is similar to Red Hood, the cadence when he's talking with his goons slips, their morals don't directly align but do intersect, people thought they were grudging allies, but if they're the same person it tracks.) Terry does further digging and connects the deceased Jason Todd-Wayne's old photos to Peterson, but realizes, "oh. There's reasons why he doesn't involve his rich family", and decides not to bring it up.

Maybe finding an actual CEO replacement for Wayne-Powers? Stephanie could pull a Cinderella rags to riches story. Or have the Fox family come back? Tam or Luke?

Terry following Bruce down to the Batcave a couple months in. "Sure. A nerd Collection." But not actually believing that it's the Batfamily base until he sees the collection of suits. When the family shows up after patrol he just shrugs, "you told me stick by him."

[xandoria]

Penelope is Spartan

An overanalyzing of 'Would you Fall in Love with Me' from someone fascinated by the more domestic aspects of Sparta.

Something that I haven't seen Epic fans talking about is the fact Penelope is Spartan. They talk about the war effort, and how sometimes, a Spartan would kill a lover's enemies as an expression of love. They talk about Sparta's efficiency in battle and how Penelope could defend herself if necessary. But they don't talk about the other aspect of Sparta.

Penelope would have had an extensive education like most Spartan women, and she would have seen what happens when soldiers come home. Young girls were often the caretakers of physically able-bodied but mentally unwell soldiers who had just returned from the wars. She would have seen the night terrors, the shell-shocked, the flashbacks. The violent outbursts towards even family followed by the guilt when they return from the war in their mind. She would have seen the afterwards of war firsthand.

In 'Would you Fall in Love with Me Again?', Penelope is seeing her husband come home, haunted by things he did on the journey home, decisions he had to make in the Trojan War, the final screams of his crew and enemies alike. She knows he is different in spirit and body, but she also knows the horrors of war do not change who you are at heart if you are strong (Spartan belief, not my own).

His question is not a glorified 'would you still love me if I was a worm?' It is a beg for her to love him as a monster, because he truly believes he is a monster. Penelope doesn't see the monster. She sees her husband hurting and lashing out because while he was as prepared for what the war would do as someone could, no one could have been prepared for the journey he experienced coming home.

She sees her husband who has watched everyone he knew and loved die. Who lost their mother (and just found out according to Penelope). Whose son is over 20 years old, who he never got to see grow up. Who came home to find himself disrespected and betrayed by people he trusted to keep his kingdom, wife, and son safe: came home to another battlefield. His question is more like 'Is this another battle I must face to come back to you?'

But Odysseus has never been moved by words alone, and she knows from experience just telling someone the 'war is over' is not enough to ground them in reality. So she poses him a question for herself and him. 'Would you take our wedding bed away?' She knows it's impossible without destroying their bed, without destroying a symbol of their love. If he would do such a thing, he truly is not her husband: the war had damaged him too much, and she could not bear to face that battle, because it would be impossible to win.

But he doesn't try. He starts breaking down, getting angry at the mere thought of her asking him to do such a wicked act in his eyes. That is their love she is asking him to destroy. Penelope can work with anger: she's been toying with suitors for 20 years at this point and likely had to deescalate situations many times herself. And she knows her husband in ways he has forgotten he exists.

She matches his anger. She shouts right back at him, snapping him out of the spiral his mind is going through at the thought of her rejection, because to him, it was a rejection of his return. He is reeling from being tricked, because it was a trick. It has been 20 years: he remembered his wife was clever, but not how much cleverer she was then him.

She's saying 'you have committed acts of war, your hands soiled by blood I cannot imagine. But I do not love your hands on their own. I do not love the monster in your eyes alone, but your soul that remains full of love for me. Your hands have committed atrocities in the name of our love and returning home, your eyes' monster roars for me. No amount of anger, time, nor the gods themselves will take you from me.'

TLDR: Penelope has experiences with PTSD from warfare, and she won't let trauma keep her husband away from her.

[yierrem]

a/n: i honestly don't know if gepard has an office. he probably does. i also have no idea how his coat works. damn you hyv clothing physics. i knew he was educated to some extent but while i was doing a deep dive into his lore, i learned he has a bachelor's degree and that really is so sexy. i do hope you enjoy the ramblings of a man starved

gepard x m!reader (no gendered terms, though) ; suggestive, implied sex, nudity ; wc: 563

a notification breaks the captain out of his work-induced stupor. at the sound, he picks his phone up, a small smile gracing his lips when he sees your name on screen.

he unlocks it, looking forward to whatever update you sent him before immediately slamming it back down on his desk with enough force that makes him momentarily worry about the device’s condition. he wouldn't want to lose what he just got.

his face is burning, but he tries to compose himself after taking a deep, shaky breath. he unlocks his phone once more to your messages. one was a photo, yet it wasn’t just any photo. while he was used to receiving mundane snapshots of whatever you were occupied with, even pausing to admire ones with your face in them, nothing could’ve prepared him for the sight that greeted him in your shared chat.

you were laid down on your chest in front of a mirror positioned at the foot of your bed, the sheets pooled around you. your phone covered half your face, yet gepard couldn’t even find it in himself to complain because, from what he could see, the rest of you was bare, save for his coat blanketing your form.

the fur was tantalizingly draped over your shoulders, leaving him with a glimpse of skin that showcased proof of your... escapade the previous night. red marks dotted the crook between your neck and shoulders and your hair still appeared unkempt. the blue cape was spread to one side, a stark contrast against your sheets and the white of his jacket.

💬: “miss you”

gepard swallows, suddenly feeling a little too warm in his uniform. that’s all they were; a couple messages. but his heart betrayed his thoughts, beating too fast for his liking and sending his blood rushing to places he really doesn’t want it to be at while he was on duty.

should he scold you? no, he was a weak man when it came to you. he… liked the photo, after all, but he felt that he shouldn’t encourage you to keep teasing him either. the sight of you waiting—presenting yourself— for him in such a way charged him with a sense of affection and lust he felt almost guilty for having.

his mind wanders away from his initial contemplations. although his skills as an artist left much to be desired, he knows how to pleasure you, take you apart with his hands and yet also ground you with his touch. as much as he belongs to belobog, he belongs to you. he knows your likes, your dislikes, and everything that made the gallery that was you. he's memorized each crevice, dip, and line, having devoted himself to the art of knowing your every detail.

mentally, he slaps himself, placing his focus back on the present. qlipoth, help him. what was he to do with you? that photo might've just rewired him. its been several minutes and he still hasn't formulated a response to your messages. he can almost see the smug grin on your face, knowing that you flustered him. cheeky thing. with an exasperated (slightly fond) sigh, he types out a reply. too bad he just felt like such a fool for you sometimes. he'll get back at you one day.

(and if he saves your picture to a private album of his, no one needs to know.)

[rustyarcade]

What are ur Bride and Fishbride hcs? 👀

Oh anon I’m so glad you asked :3 I’ll do my Bride hcs here and then another ask asked for bride or fishbride hcs so I’ll answer fishbride over there! I’ll link that here once I make it.

But for now, THE BRIDE HEADCANONS!!!

TW // mentions of grooming

So her ethnicity is kinda tricky since yknow… she’s kinda made of a bunch of different people. To me, however, I see her as Pokolistani/Indian/Puerto Rican (I love latinofying my faves lol). Unrealistic? Sure but she’s also a walking corpse who’s dating a fish woman so 🇮🇳🇵🇷!!!

And the reason she has a British accent is because she spent a long time in England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 which is where she really refined her speaking abilities

Ur honor she is a lesbian! She struggled with comphet when she first escaped, but eventually she got the confidence within herself to accept herself for who she truly is.

I feel like over the years she’s become somewhat indifferent to pronouns and such, but she prefers she/her out of all of them.

Severe PTSD

It took her a long time to realize she was created to just be an object for Eric, but it took her even longer to realize and even more longer to accept that Victor groomed her

Will never refer to Eric with his name. It will always be brute, monster, or something of the sort

Really likes reading! She’s read through the entirety of Belle Reve’s library at least twice

Works out as much as possible. It helps her get her mind off of things

Has the ability to take her limbs off Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas style, but it hurts like hell to take them off and takes a lot of willpower to control them so she doesn’t do it often.

This diva does her own nails💅

Very flexible. I see her doing Bayonetta type poses while fighting

Great dancer. Learned a lot of different styles of dance along her trek around the world

Snatches things from the places they go to for missions (jewelry, heirlooms, vases, all sorts of trinkets) she has a little treasure trove under her bunk

She’ll give the ones she finds the prettiest to Nina

As I mentioned in my Nina headcanons, they’re very very close and it hurts her to see Nina in any physical/mental/emotional pain

The Bride is rather protective of all the members as she gets closer to them over time, but especially over Nina since she’s the closest to her

Bride and Weasel are like that meme of “dads with the dog they didn’t want”

Despite their frequent arguing, she treats Phosphorus like an old friend and they love sneaking out of missions to get drinks together

The Bride really appreciates him since it’s her first male friendship which she was quite hesitant on.

She likes GI Robot. But she really likes using him to fuck with people. AKA, if anyone pisses her off with GI close to her, she’ll go, “Sounds like something a nazi would say…” which will cause GI to pull out his weapons to scare whoever she said that too. Nina doesn’t like when she does this, but Phosphorus finds it absolutely hilarious

Knowledgeable on weaponry. She teaches Nina and Phosphorus how to use all sorts of guns, knives, etc

Blames herself for Nina’s death. She will never ever let her walls down and love anyone the same way again. Cries to herself sometimes when she thinks of her.

Yay hoped you like them :3 Fishbride hcs soon!

[fatigue-d]

CHARLOS!!! The kind of trope that screams i miss my husband , or he wouldve done this if he was still here since they pretty much are divorced now

"I miss you "

Word : around 1 K

-----------------------------------------------

Charles moved gently under his sheets, his skin shivering from the cold. After almost four years with a certain Spaniard, he had forgotten how lonely it could be to sleep alone in a bed three times his size. He had got used to his husband's light snores, Spanish words whispered in the night. The memory of a vanished warmth engulfing his body, he had tried to hold on to it as best he could, trying to rediscover the softness and comfort that had lulled him through the nights, but nothing had helped, Carlos was no longer there, and everything in their house was a reminder of that.

His old toothbrush was still in the bathroom, sitting next to the Monegasque's, the two objects forming a pair so inescapable that Charles was obliged to abandon his own to buy a new one, unable to throw both away.

The kitchen cupboards were always full of products straight from Spain, sauces, pastes, spices, all used by Carlos, most of the time to reproduce the recipes of his beloved mother, which Charles was delighted to taste, although he didn't know how the dark-haired man managed to make these recipes so delicious.

If you looked at the entrance to the flat, as Charles sometimes did when he was bored, you could see a bag full of golf clubs. They had been put there after Carlos had the unfortunate tendency to drop things in his haste after being told about a round of golf by his friends. So, whenever the Spaniard wanted to go out, he had his clubs close to him. An ingenious decision by a more carefree Charles, a bitter reminder of his companion's absence for a mature Charles, but one that Carlos would surely have called a killjoy.

The previously bright flat seemed far more macabre, part of it being shamelessly ripped away, the place now haunted by a soul in perpetual search of the one who had once completed it.

Even Leo seemed less enthusiastic, the young puppy only chewing on what was up to him, his master becoming his only interesting toy, the cushions, clothes and duvets finally living without the fear of being torn apart by the mutt's jaws.

However....

Carlos had only been gone for 2 months.

2 short months.

Which seemed interminable to the younger man, they were still a couple, sending each other frequent messages. But Carlos was no longer physically at his side and Charles felt it.

And while Carlos was no longer living with the Monegasque.

Charles had no time for the Spaniard.

The man was constantly busy with the Italian team, being invited to the most sumptuous dinners as well as the most pointless meetings, always there to put on a good show, to represent the 'soul' of Ferrari.

And there was nothing Carlos could do about it. Already, when they were team-mates Charles was overwhelmed, the luxury brand asking much more of the younger than the older, after all Ferrari fans had become addicted to his smile and his eyes, much more than any physical or mental trait of the Spaniard, who had accepted his position as Side-kick.

But since he'd left for William, everything had speeded up, and he no longer even had the chance to call Charles, only being able to send him messages that he hoped the chestnut would have time to read. Perhaps where he lived was warmer, and traces of his loved ones could be seen everywhere. The fact remained that he no longer had any of Charles's possessions, not an accessory, not a piece of clothing, not even a gift, everything had remained in Monaco, their home.

He only glimpsed the Monegasque's life through social networks and the media, a bitter taste spilling into his mouth as soon as he remembered that not so long ago, he was the man behind the camera. The Monegasque loved having "artistic" images of himself or his dog, and Carlos in turn enjoyed taking photos of them, freezing this shared happiness so that he could savour it a little more later.

A promise had kept them going for a while, a simple promise but one that was so important to them, both of them knowing that if he broke it.....

Their relationship would be over.

It was entitled:

"If one of us calls at 16:55, the other is obliged to answer"

Quick, easy, concise.

And as the winter chill consumed his body, Charles thought about it, his eyes glued to the time on his phone. Should he do it or not? He had missed several of Carlos's calls unintentionally and the Spaniard had never complained, so it was his turn to make the first move, wasn't it? And then.... He missed the dark-haired man's voice, his slight accent warming the younger man's body, imagining the tired smile on his partner's face after a tiring, tedious but fortunately victorious race.

The minutes passed like drops falling one by one on a pane of glass, creating a trickle of water like a torrent. Charles counted them, the wait being both too short and too long, the hope of calling but the fear of having no one at the other end of the line growing inside him.

16:53

Charles hastily put his phone under his pillow, short of breath, there was no point in calling Carlos at this hour, he was bound to disturb him. Wouldn't he?

16:54

He fumbled around in bed, almost dropping his phone and breaking it. The screen of the device reflected on his pupil, where it read "Chili 🌶️❤️". His heart skipped a beat at the nickname, it had been a long time since he'd called his husband that. More affectionate nicknames replaced it, the sensation of them still beneath Charles's lips, waiting to be uttered once more....

16 : 55

Time did not stand still as the Monegasque expected, he was not after all in a romance a l'eau de rose, no important moment came, his fingers trembling in front of the icon to call.

And just as he was about to go back to sleep, his eyes darting around and the thought that had been haunting him for a week now finally seeming to come true, he heard a hum. It was short, quick, almost inaudible, but it was there and its mere existence was a breath of fresh air after weeks of swimming in doubt.

"Amor? asked the voice over the phone, a silly grin forming on Charles's face.

-Oui chéri ? replied the Monegasque, slowly catching his breath.

- I.... I mi-Wait! Are you still buying Leo the kibble I recommended?

- The ones that cost more than a gourmet meal?

- Hey! He deserves luxury, he's our prince after all.

- Yeah.... Our prince.... Charles replied, a melancholy smile forming on his lips as he remembered Carlos's love for his dog, their dog, and how jealous he had been of it.

-....

- You only called me to talk about this?

- Why would I call you about anything else? The Spaniard replied point-blank.

The answer was like a dagger to the heart. The Monegasque wasn't sure he could get over it.

- No reason.... I was just imagining things.

- See you in Australia? Promise?

- Promise!"

The call then ended, Charles curling up in his bed, while Carlos insulted himself because of his stupidity. It was the only time the Monegasque had answered him and he hadn't even managed to talk about what he wanted, the feeling of being too much growing inside him as the conversation progressed.

He did, however, write one last little message, hoping that the younger man hadn't fallen asleep yet:

"I miss you"

A little heart being sent in reply, breaking the brunet's heart even more.

Bloody hell!

Why wasn't he in Charles' arms!

He could have comforted him all he wanted, cooking pancakes until he was obese, singing the cheesy French music that the Monegasque loved.

He would have loved to be by her side so much....

So much that it consumed him.

The memories of this shared life were the best fuel for the fire that was destroying him little by little.

But hey...

They were going to meet again, or so he hoped.

The stolen kisses between each race, hidden from everyone's eyes, were surely the best way to stop this destructive fire.

But in the meantime, as it grew day by day, perhaps it would be unstoppable? The damage it would have caused was too deep, incapable of even being cured with any kind of treatment.

This....

Only time will tell.

-------------------------------------------------

I hesitated whether to make the ending happy or sad and I ended up with the open ending, I'm not sure if I'm 100% on theme but all in all I enjoyed writing this little story, I hope you enjoyed reading it 🤗

If someone had a request too