#and sometimes it is definitely that. like sometimes they are just saying shit to absolve themselves of responsibility.

[icarus-suraki]

Got this as a reply ages ago on my Ao3 post:

Yes, even that story.

Ao3 is not a platform. Ao3 is an archive.

Okay, so, this story was definitely not for the you, commenter. That's all there is to it. Not every story is for every person. And that's just how it is. And it's okay. There's an old saying in librarianship: "Every book its reader; every reader, a book."

But rather than freaking out, maybe we ought to query why the creator wrote and posted that story.

Because if they wrote it with the intention to be shocking and transgressive, they clearly succeeded. You, commenter, are shocked and find the whole thing extremely transgressive. Conceptually, it's a bit like novels that say drugs are great. Or like any number of commercially published novels that take on graphic murders. Horror novels have some fucked up shit in them sometimes and people who enjoy exploring intense emotions and situations in a fictional context read those without engaging in those behaviors.

For the record, I read a lot of "transgressive" literature and I'm out in the world with a job and a place to live and an internet connection. Meanwhile, fans of Christian fiction can be some of the most vicious beasts I have ever encountered. Thoughts?

This particular example, though, is also interesting because it's like inverse zoophilia/zoosadism--the human is the victim here, somehow. Zooisms have been a hot topic in recent years--so does this story stir up personal reactions to that topic? Is that the intention? I'm not about to defend acting zoophiles/zoosadists because they're literally engaging in animal abuse. Like, that's a crime. (Was the dog in this story a German shepherd? It's always German shepherds for some reason with the zoos.)

Or is the concern that this is the author's kink? Because there's a lot of concern over kinks anymore and whether a kink is acceptable or whether kinks are acceptable at all. Who is this story for? Someone with a similar kink? Don't start on the "consuming porn leads to more porn and more violent porn until you're a sexually-motivated serial killer" line because that comes out of a Ted Bundy interview and we all know he was a consummate liar. Again: horror fans read some fucked up shit. Mystery novel fans read some fucked up shit, even if they say the "good ending" absolves them of that. And they're not killing people.

Engaging with an unusual interest or desire on a level removed from reality is a much safer way to engage with that interest than in reality. Fiction is not reality. Movies are not reality. Theater is not reality. BDSM is theater and theater is not reality. These are all things with a remove from reality, which lets one engage with an interest without harm to self or others.

I can guarantee you that there are stories just as, if not more, distressing to you, the commenter, in notebooks and computer files all over the world. They still exist though they aren't published. You don't have to have read a story like the above to find a socially dangerous interest like this. These things can arise in relative isolation. Source: I grew up before the internet became what it is now and I have seen some shit.

The fact that this particular story was posted online suggests a desire on the part of the author to share it. Why would they want to do that? To shock readers? To find people with similar desires? Publication/posting implies a desire for responses. Why do you think this story was written? Why do you think it was shared? Who is the intended audience?

I'm sorry this story upset you, commenter. It absolutely sucks to get blindsided by a story (or any kind of media) that you find upsetting. It's certainly happened to me and I didn't like it either. I have had a lot of religious anxiety for most of my life and getting surprised by Chick Tracts being left around in the bookstore where I worked was not a good time. So, yes, I sympathize.

But it's impossible to control what billions of humans are going to be saying, doing, writing, or interested in. You can't stop people from writing fucked up shit, as much as you would like to. The best thing you can do is create a system to alert others about what, if anything, might be distressing in a piece of media. This is why, if one is usual Ao3 like a lending library and not an archive, there are content warnings, age recommendations, and tags. You can't control what everyone else is doing, but you can and should protect yourself as much as necessary. And, yes, that does mean that you have to deal with things that you don't like existing in shared spaces in the world. You may have to work on coming to terms with that. And yes I am serious. I have had to do the same thing in my life.

Also I have a lot of questions. How did you find this story? Was it by accident or was it intentional? What was the story "about"? How was it written? Was it genuine or was it a troll? Was the dog cognitively on a level with a human? How canine/anthropomorphized was the dog in this story? Was this Scooby Doo fanfic? Was this werewolf fanfic? Are you concerned that dogs will read this story and go on to rape eleven year-olds?

So why would someone write a story in which an eleven year-old gets raped by their dog?

And, gang, I anonymized the commenter on purpose. Don't go seek them out.

[ikkosu]

Pookie I must know, do YOU have any merformers pharma headcanons of your own?💚

🛐🛐🛐 OMYGOSH YESS COMPY!! I'm about to go to the pagoda to absolve my sins /j

merform pharma would stalk your boat a hundred percent. he's a smart goober and would figure out your schedule really quick .

what's a human doing in this isolated expanse of an island?

he's sure he won't get the answer directly, so he's willing to risk a few scales of finding it

at the dead of the night, he'd rig your boat so the next time you'd go fishing — it starts to sink and he'd be the one saving you

obviously, you don't know that so, to you, he's considered a savior of some sort as he scuttles you back to the island

he could just bring you back tot he cave and keep you thee forever but that wouldn't be too ethical, would it?

besides, he wouldn't sully a bond he's been looking forward to for so long

language barrier is definitely a prominent problem between you both but pharma doesn't seem to mind

In fact, he likes it when you speak

The way the words warble out of your mouth, a language so foreign yet its a soft ripple off that pink muscle you call a tongue

so often as you go fishing with your new guardian, pharma would prod you with his digits, prompting you to speak

you're not even sure what to talk about anymore given you have him all the things he has to know about you, so you just ramble about anything in general

pharma is gazing at you with heart eyes as you talk about the recent strays that keep pissing and shitting in your barn

he would also keep (steal) your stuff, literally anything that reminds him of you. sometimes even more scandalous things like, say, your uh undergarments.

loves your scent. he loves smells that revolt him in general

you know he knows what you're saying, you've been far too long with that ridiculously smart mer to know he's a prodigy of picking up cues

so when he shakes his head dumbly at your subtle accusation — he's a big fat liar

aside from ammassing souvenirs, he loves to collect little trinkets and give them to you.

to him, it's courting but of course you know jack shit about mermay customs and so you think he's playing fetch with you

no, like he's literally hoarding seashells and dumping it at your boat.

"Pharma the boat is going to sink!"

[discountprophet-clan]

Hey, just wanted to say that you are Absolutely Valid to want the everluxes trigger tagged. I'm an arachnophobe and while the everluxes don't quite trigger that for me, I can still get needing to tag something with That Many Legs or that specific shape.

Sometimes I wish FR itself had like a 'hide' feature you could toggle for dragons with certain traits - would be the dream if I could choose to not see all the auraboas with skuttle.

But for now people should definitely trigger tag everluxes on top of all the other bug genes - liking something doesn't absolve you of the responsibility to content warn for it.

i agree! you make some really great points! however i do have those tags blocked! the thing is tons of people wont even tag the breed name so it gets recommended just bc im into flight rising and they tag general tags

if people could actually tag their shit right then this wouldnt be an issue but unfortunately it seems theyre incapable of actually doing that so im gonna keep yelling about it until people actually start tagging their shit

REMINDER ALL EVERLUX ENJOYERS TAG YOUR FUCKING POSTS INSECTOPHOBES DONT WANNA SEE UR BUGS

[olderthannetfic]

What this poor anon describes is one of the major reasons I "pretend" to be cis online. https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/731116367047229440/being-a-trans-man-and-not-being-an-anti-is-also?source=share

I don't lie about not being trans or anything, I just don't say anything and let people assume that that means I'm cis. I get the same amount of anti-man and anti-gay hate as when I used to blog openly about being trans, but way WAY fewer antis up in my shit and graphic rape threats for shipping the wrong thing. If a cis man ships something squicky, antis either ignore it because men are inherently icky, or praise it because a gay man has given it the holy blessing of Real Gay Man and absolved it of problematicalness.

So yeah, Anon, don't look for fellow trans men in fandom, look "cis" men (you'll find cis queer spaces that are welcoming of trans people, and you'll find plenty of men like myself who go stealth online), and look for Fandom Olds (they're primarily women [Hi OTNF! I'm talking about you in your own inbox!] but they've been around the block a few times and tend accept trans men as just another kind of weirdo here to make the blorbos kiss).

--

Also, tbh, plenty of Fandom Olds you can find self-describing as cis women on Livejournal or some old mailing list have come to Realizations™ in more recent years. Just don't expect the Old to have been out as trans for more years than The Youth have. The average age at which people figure their shit out has been going down and down.

(TBH, I do know some older trans dudes who sometimes find it a bit onerous to deal with The Youth because they're expected to be these ~wise community elders~ who've been out for decades and are ready to mentor and they just aren't.)

I mean, yes, we're still primarily women in that it's way over 50%, but I'm definitely seeing more variation than I was years ago among those same people who were there years ago.

[dingodad]

i totally agree!! i didnt know how to word my thoughts on it, because just suggesting the two binaristic options of "trans or intersex" felt both limiting and not true to the overall subject. so thank you for putting to words something i was trying to get at!! ive been loving your analysis of homestuck recently so its really nice to be able to just pick your brain about it sometimes.

also because i like adding a prompt for you to respond to that isnt just my praising you, how do you think this whole conversation affected kankri on beforus? textually i think its pretty clear, that in contrast to karkat's closeted archetype, kankri is more meant to be that one guy you knew in high school in the GSA club. well intentioned but definitely too caught up in the literal linguistics of it all

happy to help :) and happy to respond to more asks. as you can see.

i have never thought super long and hard about kankri in this respect because well he is very messy lol and i've never been able to land on a single interpretation of him that i think entirely fits within homestuck's themes. which is probably fine because probably nobody was ever meant to put all that much thought into him anyway. but i think the caste-oriented interpretation of mutant blood maps pretty easily onto the queer interpretation here, in that kankri is very much a gay guy who doesn't want to acknowledge that being gay doesn't totally absolve him of the privilege of being a guy.

i guess there are holes in that interpretation, not least of all the fact that it's never really insinuated that kankri is Actually gay in the way karkat is lol? all of his noteworthy romantic feelings in both lives are toward women; his quadrant-transcending relationship with the disciple is definitely "queer", so you might jokingly categorise him as "gay for girls", but i don't think he ever even really comes across as LIKING women that much. and he dislikes women in about the same way you'd expect a straight guy to dislike women. in this sense asexual kankri is a very amusing interpretation even if it very clearly is not true.

kankri being "the troll version of gay" also kind of comes with the implication that maybe being a special little gay guy comes with perks and privileges on Beforus which is, again, funny to imagine but prooooobably not the intended message hussie was going for? lol? unless it was. oomf @odddaysgeorge's interpretation of the message behind Beforus immediately came to mind when i got this ask: "having all their basic needs met and their identities affirmed turns these queer teenagers into neurotic entitled perverts complaining about fake problems." i don't necessarily agree that the intention behind Beforus was this antagonistic, my read on act 6 is that it broadly approaches queer topics in pretty good faith, but it's certainly not an inaccurate read on meenahquest. and i certainly think "move aside entitled gayboy, a real feminist is talking" is a sentiment that broadly aligns with hussie's attitude toward the girl alpha trolls versus the boy alpha trolls. it's just that. again. i can't even be that sure that kankri is even supposed to be gay. so you see what i mean when i say this shit is messy

[floralovebot]

Sometimes I don't understand this Winx fan's mania of wanting to redesign everything Winx, the characters... even the planets. I understand that each one can have their own headcanon, but there are already incredible designs in the animated series!!! You just have to expand them!!! Don't redesign them to suit your personal taste!!

Sometimes I wonder if these people really like Winx Club, or they just like it because of what it made them feel in their childhood, and nowadays they don't like it very much but the nostalgia is so strong, that that's why they make these redesigns, they change everything about the characters, so that it is more to personal taste.

I understand that art is an expression... but sometimes so many things change, I don't know what to think.

I've even seen them for rewrites... do they know that I'm going to imagine the story with Winx's designs and not theirs?

Sorry for the rant.

I mean,, I don't think it's fair to say that all redesigners hate winx and just have strong nostalgia. As much as I bitch about the fandom's racism, I'll always be incredibly supportive of the amount of creativity and freedom of expression that fans have here. I've seen some fandoms where every little headcanon and redesign gets scrutinized for literally no reason. Not to bring up hp in the year 2023 but I once saw someone bitch at an artist for drawing hermione with dark brown hair. Like. The winx fandom is honestly one of the only fandoms I've been in where people are encouraged to share how they would change things. (not the only fandom of course, but it's definitely not a thing that every fandom does).

That being said,, I do see your point with some redesigns feeling like it's just hating on the og winx. I think most, if not all, of the people who are really active in the fandom, have a winx sideblog, or just post a lot of winx are very much doing their redesigns out of love. But every now and then, you'll see a redesign where the poster just,, shits on winx for no reason. Like,, I've especially seen a lot of outright misogyny and internalized misogyny about the winx wearing skirts and dresses and being princesses. Like sorry you can't imagine strong female characters with personalities who also wear skirts sometimes. deal.

And again, I have no problem with people just redesigning things for fun and wanting to see how things could be expanded or even improved on, but I've definitely started to notice more of an,, ego complex where some people act like their redesign is the absolute pinnacle of society and the og winx (and occasionally other redesigns) suck shit. Like no dude you're in the same camp smoking the same weed as the rest of us calm the fuck down.

I mean,, I'll always be more in favor of redesigns and headcanons. I think it's a really special part of the fandom! But I also understand why it can be jarring and even upsetting to see people take these characters and places and just,, get rid of every canon aspect to make it what they Want instead of just expanding on what's already there. At that point, it definitely feels like someone just wanted to play in the winx universe but didn't care for any of the actual aesthetics or lore. It also feels like a slap in the face when people completely change a character's entire personality and call it a headcanon like no babe that's not stella winx club, that's generic blonde girl #3. Literally just make your own oc at that point.

I mean again, I'm never going to just shit on someone's headcanon or redesign just because I Personally don't vibe with it. But I am going to call out racism. Always. And someone spending hours creating something doesn't absolve them of being racist.

[ladyseidr]

once again stealing the whole "answering headcanon memes from memes i haven't been sent" from @florietiae because i love it <3

does your muse have freckles? if so, where are they placed? does your muse like their freckles, or wish they had some? ( x )

yes, and they're very obvious lmao. he definitely has full body freckles, but they're most prominent on his back, shoulders, thighs, and across his cheeks + nose. he generally doesn't care one way or the other that he has them, but he is not immune to either A. being made to feel embarrassed abt them if someone's a dick toward him, or B. getting flustered if someone says they likes them

is your muse a morning person or a night person? ( x )

night person ( are we surprised? ) both for Getting Into Trouble reasons when he's a teen and just in general. despite the aforementioned trouble, he actually finds nighttime relaxing and enjoys staying up late, particularly with company. however, sometimes his thoughts can get a little loud at night when he's alone. still, he is so not a morning person. good luck getting him to get out of bed in the morning lmao

does your muse believe people are innately good or innately bad? why do they believe this? ( x )

oh, he definitely believes most people are innately bad. eventually ( late 20's-30's ) he probably challenges this view, but not before then. between his parents, himself, and the people he chooses to surround himself with ( oops sorry michael, phoebe, and jeff ), he just. . . doesn't really have reason to think otherwise. don't get me wrong, boy lives in CRAZY cognitive dissonance when it comes to michael ( "i get to see the good, affectionate, softer side of him which means he's a good guy even if he beats the shit out of people and also bullies his brother for no discernable ( to rory ) reason" ) but UHHHHHH that doesn't last for, like. obvious reasons.

like genuinely how do i explain that he falls for michael, convinces himself that michael is good and safe, would lowkey do anything for michael, and then ends up complicit in evan's death. i'm not absolving rory of anything, to be clear, because he went along with it just fine, but y'know. what if they just both fucked each other up REAL bad??

but also like his parents do suck. really. dangling them at william as i speak.

how did your muse come to realize their romantic and sexual orientations? was it difficult to accept? are they proud of who they are? ( x )

okay, i joke abt his denial a lot ( as a queer person who def went through a period of like. . . the kind of denial that sounds fictional LMAO ) but here's a more serious discussion:

obviously i've discussed plenty ( including in his bio ) that he falls for michael, but in terms of his personal process of accepting it. . . it's slow going. he's 100% in denial until the moment he literally kisses michael and, let's be real, there was crazy romantic tension before then. then he just panics and starts trying to prevent aaaaaany sort of realization. that's where all the "it's just experimenting," "it doesn't mean anything," "i'm straight, you're just the exception" jokes keep coming from ( they're not really jokes lmaoooo ). he's like 0.1 seconds away from "no homo-ing" directly after a makeout session. he will fly off the fucking handle if anyone "accuses" him of being gay, especially if it's intended homophobically, but honestly period. this includes michael, the guy he's actively lowkey dating-without-admitting-it. okay, tbh i'm laughing at this like yes it's sad but imagine arguing that you're straight with the guy you kiss 40 times a day.

he's so close to accepting that he's gay ( considering he's finally accepting he's in love with michael, even if he hasn't Said The Words yet ) when The Bite happens and, uh. heartbreak and self-hatred just makes him tamp that realization back down for a few years. once he moves out, he's finally able to process and accept his orientation, though i wouldn't say he's at the point of feeling pride. i think that'll probably take several more years to. . . just be himself. i do actually think he's the type to eventually be comfortable enough to be openly gay ( like jayne ) despite the times and risks despite everything prior fkdshfadsl

[genericpuff]

reblogging because i totally forgot about the "statement" that kawacy put out about their ship justifying why it's "okay"

and so many of the defenses that go this same route basically say "well she seduced him so it's fine" except NO ?? THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS ?? HOW DOES A CHILD 'SEDUCE' AN ADULT-

Like look, it's not uncommon at all for preteens/teenagers/minors to develop feelings for people who are too old for them. Having those feelings for the first time can be incredibly overwhelming and none of this is to say that minors aren't capable of trying to get adults they have a crush on to pay attention to them.

But in order for a child to 'seduce' an adult, that means the adult is allowing themselves to be 'seduced'. That's it. There's no if's, and's, or but's about it. The responsibility is NOT on the child - someone whose brain isn't even fully developed - to protect themselves from predatory relationships. The responsibility is on the ADULT to not be a predator. Especially when that adult is someone who raised a person from childhood and that same person is now the one "confessing their feelings". By all definition, Caleb is May's parental guardian.

What's also really ick in this whole statement is this part in particular that, again, frames it as if May is the perpetrator for seducing an adult and not the adult for not being responsible:

"And obviously he's not in control of his feelings or to whom he should fall in love with in his life."

I can't even begin to tell you how fucking disgusting this is. No, sometimes you can't help how you feel, but those feelings are still your responsibility and you shouldn't allow your feelings to dictate your actions ESPECIALLY when those actions are predatory. We might not be able to control how we feel sometimes, but we can and SHOULD control how we act.

And like... I don't think Kawacy - and people who defend him - realize how absurd it is to say this about a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Caleb hooking up with a girl he raised into adulthood is purely Kawacy's decision. It's not like Caleb is canonically programmed to be a groomer in the original game (and shit even if he was, that doesn't mean it's okay to legitimately ship him with someone who he's raised since childhood?? that makes him a bad person!) he is literally just a bunch of pixels on a screen, as are Kawacy's artistic depictions of him.

Again, I can understand this to some degree, we write characters that we get so engrossed in that we can't help but treat them as real people who are making their own choices. But they're still fictional characters. If your character is doing predatory shit, that's because you wrote them that way, you're not allowed to separate them from yourself and claim that what they're doing is of their own volition. This is such a problem in the realm of OC's and character writing, we compartmentalize these creations to such an extreme degree of being "real" that we wind up defending problematic behavior that we don't realize is an extension of the creator, not an unrelated side effect that's out of the creator's control.

You can't absolve yourself of a writing decision because it's "what the character would do". You're still the one making that writing decision. Take fucking accountability for it. "Separating the art from the artist" does not give you a free pass to ingrain your own predatory beliefs and viewpoints into your work without taking accountability or even acknowledging it.

Have you heard about "Kawacy"? He's a popular Japanese artist who got into controversy few years ago because he published a Deviantart webcomic series about a vampire who raised a girl since she was 6 and they ended up as couple, what making it worse is that he tried to defend his webcomic by saying that the vampire does not fall in love with her until she's a grown woman (which making it even worse). He's still active in art spaces and his gross webcomic haven't deleted from his profile iirc

DUDE YEAH I REMEMBER KAWACY

I USED TO FOLLOW THEIR INSTAGRAM AND I LITERALLY UNFOLLOWED THEM WHEN THEY STARTED DOING THE WEIRD VAMPIRE SHIPPING SHIT LOL

It's a shame too because I love their art but I couldn't get past the justifications used to ship him with the girl he had raised since childhood, especially when the original characters came from the fucking Sims. Like, all those gymnastics to justify shipping a young girl with a vampire from a life sim game that arguably hasn't been good since 2009-2011.

It's just ironic and frankly hypocritical that people cry over Twilight being pedo grooming shit between Jacob and Renesmee and yet look the other way with stuff like Kawacy, that's what really bugs me about the whole thing lmao "well you're a WESTERNER so you just don't GET it" please just stfu, that's like the people who justify the "fighting racism with racism" bit in Get Schooled because "you're not Korean so you don't understand", it's RACISM, it's not that fucking complicated and "cultural differences" is reasoning that can only go so far before you just wind up defending actual hate crimes.

But I just choose not to engage with it. Kawacy's set in his opinion that what he's doing is okay and if I "don't get it", then frankly I'm fine with being the odd and stupid one out here lmao But it's definitely frustrating and concerning to see the amount of people who defend this kind of thing, and it's so common in webcomics and OC creation as a whole, it really gives me the creeps.

[fefairys]

gotta wonder sometimes if new people are put off by my rambling lol because i am the bitch that leaves a small novel in discord dms when you are asleep

[lvtvr]

i need to sleep for 10 years

[georgeromerosanalcavity]

Tom and Kendall’s guilt and actions paralleling each other mean so much to me. They mean everything to me. I mentioned once before it felt like they were both progressing in opposite directions, occasionally meeting in the middle and I still believe that. I think season 3 acts almost as a period of reflection and confession for Tom as Kendall does in season 2, even though Kendall can never confess at that moment and even if Tom’s repentance is, for the most part, moot point unless we’re counting Logan’s gain and approval as what truly matters. But I’m just so fascinated how they both operate on a level of constant lying and hiding in seasons 2 and 3. Season 2 Tom is desperately asserting his power and his role, fully intent on branding himself as a necessity and unopposed he can barely contain himself when that delusion is even slightly threatened, ending with him making grand displays of anger and reaction.

Season 2 Kendall is barely there, with “robot for dad to fuck” being the most apt image. He is weighed, not just by his actions and the people he’s brought down with him and the isolation he feels, but by the knowledge that he lives and dies by Logan’s approval and rules, that he breathes entirely on borrowed time and shame he holds over his head and is constantly waiting, wanting, it all to crash over him, even just to get it over with or to prove he’s not an empty husk filled with his father’s hand. Sometimes he even does awaken just to perform some task of service or affection, however small, either to feel forgiven somewhat or to have an actual display of the weakness and indebtedness he feels suppressing him that only he is aware of.

But in season 3, those personalities switch between Tom and Kendall. Kendall feels a rush of idyllic power through the righteous, which contradicts Tom’s ideation of power through the violent and manipulative. He wants this, not because he wants to be absolved I think, but because to him this is what makes him a necessity, not a puppet. He flaunts this power just the same and, like S2 Tom, ends with sad, desperate displays of power grabs that only show that he, and Tom, never knew what to do with power in the first place, faux or not.

I struggle to definitively say that Tom truly feels guilt for Cruises specifically (although I do think he feels guilty for Greg) we see him use this season as a constant hunt for penance before he’s even behind bars. He offers his head to Logan to appease him and is suddenly in a waiting period until his punishment, and I think Kendall felt he was in a similar state in season 2. Tom commits those acts of affection or service, however skewed and delusion they might be, as I think his vulnerability with Shiv and Greg is, in his mind, affection that overwhelm him. (I also wonder if, in Tom’s insane mind having a child is an act of affection and service but. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m defending that so we’ll un pack that some other time). But as Tom is in this waiting period, he gets the still moments Kendall saw in S2, where he looked around, looked at himself, and I think he understood how much of his life has been sculpted for THIS, how much of himself has been carved out for THIS, and he realized there was nothing in him, possibly nothing ever was.

What I think makes Tom and Kendall so alike overall is how they compartmentalize their actions, not as something with thought behind it, but as some inherent and decided path that was always waiting for them and always necessary for THEM and them only to take, to serve some grand purpose. They are both all about how much they are worth, to their family, to their colleagues, to the world. The two are made up of eyes that have observed how to walk and talk, how saying and doing this or that will make you into This Person, how eating shit will make you into a loyal heir, how confessing and repenting FOR your savior and depending on his grace will make you live another day, how throwing water bottles and using humans as footstools, or demanding your cousin take on corporate suicide and firing every person in your life who knows the legal system simply because they will not humor your righteousness, will all make you into a man who owns his life and his status. It doesn’t it never does, and Tom and Kendall are puppets from ghost strings that have been cut loose for years.

[nicnacsnonsense]

hi! so, i just wanted to say i really appreciated your meta about stede and mary's relationship. i feel like it approached them with a sort of nuance i don't usually see applied to mary's character; i think sometimes people act as though ep10 absolves her of any wrongdoing whatsoever in regards to their relationship, but imo i feel like that is patently not true. i've always regarded mary and stede as being parallels, and more alike than not. she can be petty and cruel in the same ways he is; stede fucked up royally by leaving the way he did, but i don't think her rushing to remove all traces of him from their lives was necessarily the right decision either, not in regards to the children or their development. painting him out of the portrait was something she did for herself and herself alone, not for alma or louis. especially if she told them he was dead. it serves no purpose to anyone but her, and it seems cruel to do to a little girl who thinks her father has died (and even if she knows he disappeared! i could understand taking the painting down, but there's no consideration for whether the kids might want it later in life).

another thing is that they also both enjoy the trappings of wealth, and while i've often seen criticisms leveled at stede bc of his class privilege, i rarely see the same directed at mary. imo, they are both similar in that their class largely afforded them entry and some sense of notoriety into a world that poorer people need to fight their way into (painting/piracy). granted mary isn't the same kind of clown about it all that stede is, and yes, the painting and piracy within the show are more meant to be simply allegorical than anything else, but why is stede deserving of class criticism and not mary? just because stede's boastful? they're both two extremely privileged people with power dynamics between them that are constantly shifting (mary being a woman; stede being a queer man). i think some of the disconnect here comes from the fact that their story in particular is almost entirely modern and anachronistic; the only real connection to the 1700s they have is the arranged marriage, so i understand where people are coming from, in a sense, when they place all blame almost entirely on stede (barbados as it is portrayed in this show might as well be a random east coast suburb in the 1980s), but some of the stuff she does is still weird and bonkers from a modern context (like trying to erase him from their lives entirely, and slot doug into his place), just like stede is weird and bonkers too.

and while i would say he's definitely the guiltier party in ep10, they're both openly hostile to each other. stede tries to ask her about doug and mary immediately gets defensive. even before stede left, neither of them gave a shit about each other, and it really was an equal opportunity sort of thing. he didn't listen when she spoke about painting, she didn't care about anything he had to say about the sea. 'we just can't seem to stop hurting each other' is a statement of fact, and i feel as though people often forget the 'we' in this context. i honestly hadn't even thought of how that conversation, where she's sort of attempting to extend an olive branch to him, would appear to stede. another way they seem similar to me is that at this point in their lives they're both probably repressed in the same way, with similar childhood trauma (by way of their parents, the homophobic bullying probably did not happen to mary), and this stunts their ability to have meaningful conversations with each other. mary is not all knowing as i feel like people sometimes treat her, and coming to the conclusion that she was in love with doug was likely the same sort of uphill battle stede experienced while realizing he was attracted to men.

anyway, um, i hope it was okay i just blurted this out all over your ask box lol. i just don't often see people in this fandom who have a similar read on mary as me (i feel like attitudes regarding her tend to be either visceral dislike or blatant apologia, neither of which i'm interested in honestly) so i wanted to let you know i agree and appreciate you sharing your thoughts!

Absolutely it's okay that you blurted that all out all over my ask box! Both because I spent a lot of time on that meta and was starting to get down on myself for the lackluster response, and because I too get frustrated by the pronounced tendency in fandom to treat Mary like she was a saint in their relationship.

That's a great point about how removing Stede from that painting was unfair to Alma and Louis! I had never considered it from that angle before, but you're right, that was selfish of her.

With regards to class, I assume people mostly aren't bringing it up because it's not really a factor in her story line, aside from in resulting in an arranged marriage. The only person she interacts with that's (possibly) of a lower class than her is Doug, and that doesn't seem to have particularly impacted their relationship. I think you're right in that any class based criticism that can be leveled at Stede are probably also true of Mary to some greater or lesser degree, but I can see why people wouldn't be bringing her up in that context all that often.

For me I consider both Mary & Stede to be equally at fault with regards to their marriage in the backstory. There is a part of me that wants to put slightly more of the blame on Mary, but I'm also aware that I have some personal experiences that make me biased, so I leave it at equal fault. Then Stede abandons his family, making him the one who is significantly more in the wrong. While I wouldn't generally categorize his behavior in episode 10 hostile, and from what I recall he only really pushes back against Mary with regards to things that reasonably fall under his purview, he isn't really as apologetic as he should be considering. And Mary is hostile, but she also has a right to feel that way. Up until the point she tries to murder Stede, at which point she becomes the guiltier party, but they end up resolving things soon afterward and it becomes moot anyway.

[myhockeyworld87]

What Happens In Vegas...Doesn’t Always Stay There - Jacob Markstrom - Part 3

Word Count: 4,050

POV: Reader

Warning: Language

Notes: Well I’m finally at home for a night and I definitely owe you guys a story. So since I had the next part of this one ready, I dediced to post it. When last we saw these two, they had decided to divorce, and our reader had signed the papers and sent them back to Jacob. Who had forgotten to sign them. Let’s see what happens now, though I think some of you have an idea. As always feedback is welcome. Happy Reading!

What Happens In Vegas…Doesn’t Always Stay There Masterlist

It had been almost seven weeks since Jacob met you. For six of those, he’d talked to you every day, sometimes two and three times. It was just these last few days that you wouldn’t answer his calls or texts. Jacob was confused, to put it mildly. He wracked his brain trying to recall the last couple of conversations that you’d had, wondering if he’d said or did something to anger you, but nothing came to mind. In Jacob’s mind, he thought the two of you were actually starting something. Sure, it had been one of the most peculiar beginnings to a relationship ever, but the last several weeks' things had been nice, better than nice actually. He thought the two of you might have a chance at a real relationship. Of course, the distance between you played a part, but he thought the two of you could work that out; apparently, he was wrong.

 Jacob knew the moment he stepped poolside, that you were something special. The longer he talked to you the more he knew he’d been right. If he was being honest, it was probably one of the reasons he suggested marrying you, even though that marriage would be over soon. Just like lightning striking in the middle of a storm, it hit Jacob then why you were pissed. He’d forgotten to sign the divorce papers. He’d had them for well over two weeks now. Rushing into the office, he started rifling through all the crap on his desk looking for the manila envelope that you’d mailed it to him in. He was just in the process of opening it when the front doorbell rang, so back on the desk it went, as he headed to the door to answer it.

 Jacob was shocked to see you standing there. “(Y/N), what are you doing here?” He didn’t mean for that to come out the way it did. It took him a moment to recover before taking you in. There were dark circles under your eyes that made it look like you hadn’t slept in days, not to mention how puffy they looked as if you’d been crying. Jacob wanted nothing more than to take you in his arms and make whatever seemed to be causing you this much pain go away.

 “Hey,” you mumbled out weakly. “Can I come in?”

 “Of course.” He stepped aside, letting you into his home. It was your typical bachelor pad. Walls stark and devoid of any real character that you knew Jacob possessed. He led you over to the couch in the living room, an enormous piece of furniture designed for his large frame. It almost seemed to swallow you whole. “(Y/N) is everything ok?” There was concern in his eyes and you knew he was probably questioning your presence there after you’d been radio silent the last few days.

 “No.” The one-word answer was hard to push out without tears falling down your eyes. You could see how Jacob’s fingers itched to touch you and honestly that’s all you wanted right now, for him to just take you in his arms and somehow have all the answers, but he had to know the problem first. You took a deep breath trying to steel yourself for what you needed to tell him. “Jacob, I don’t know how to tell you this.” At that moment Jacob grabbed your hands and engulfed them in his giving you his support in just that simple touch. It gave you enough courage to blurt out the last part. “I’m pregnant.”

 You felt his hands slip a bit on yours at the shock of the news; his mouth working trying to form a sentence yet nothing coming out. It took a minute but he finally found his words. “Wow, um…ok…I hate to ask this…”

 This was the part you knew was coming, expected it really and you didn’t blame him at all. So, to spare him, you found yourself answering the unspoken question. “It’s yours.” He nodded but you felt the need to explain more. “I haven’t been with anyone since Vegas, and even before that, well, work was really busy, and…well let’s just say it had been over a month or longer.”

 “You don’t have to say anymore, (Y/N). I believe you.” His hands tightened on yours, the shock of everything starting to wear off. “Plus, we didn’t use protection.” It was something you didn’t give much thought to when you were with Jacob, which was odd because you’d always been extra cautious with hookups, but then everything with Jacob was different than anyone else. “Do you…do you know what you want to do?”

 This time you couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. “I tried, Jacob. I really did.” He looked confused, unsure of what you meant by that. “I went to get an abortion yesterday.” He blinked hard but other than that showed no expression. “I was sitting there on the damn table in a gown just waiting for the doctor to come in and then I looked around. There was this damn chart that showed what the size of your baby is every week compared to fruit of all things. It’s a blueberry by the way. A damn cute little blueberry, like the kind they put in muffins and stuff.” Why it had to be an adorable little fruit like that you didn’t know. Why couldn’t it be honeydew? You hated that fruit. Well maybe not hate, but it wasn’t your favorite that’s for sure. “Anyhow, I was just staring at that poster and looking at each week and I don’t know. I couldn’t breathe.” Kind of like now, even telling him brought back all those feelings. “I started thinking about the doctor telling me that I could hear the heartbeat next week when she did the ultrasound, and I’m not sure what happened, but I couldn’t go through with it; so, I left. I’m so sorry.”

 You weren’t quite sure if you were apologizing to him or yourself. This was something you didn’t want, at least not right now, or at least that’s what you always thought. Now, you didn’t know what you wanted anymore. You took a deep breath, composing yourself. “I booked a flight once I got home. I couldn’t tell you this over the phone or text. You deserved to hear it in person.”

 “Thank you for that.”

 You slipped your hands out of his, distancing yourself from him for this next part, but also pulling out the envelope you brought. “I’m going to keep the baby.” As if that part wasn’t obvious, but you somehow felt it needed to be said. “I had Aaron draw up some papers. They absolve you from any obligations to the child both financially and emotionally. All you have to do is sign them. You won’t even have to be listed on the birth certificate.” He took the envelope from your hands, glancing briefly at the contents inside. “I’m sure you’ll want to have your lawyer look it over.”

 Jacob didn’t know what to think. Ten minutes ago, he was wondering if you were ever going to speak to him again and now you were telling him you were having his child. A child you apparently didn’t want him to be a part of. But did he even want a baby? He certainly hadn’t wanted a wife, yet here he was still married to you. He should come clean right now and tell you that he hadn’t signed the papers yet. That some indescribable feeling had taken over him, and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to sign them anymore. And now, well, now he felt like he shouldn’t sign them. Maybe this was all some force in the universe steering his life in a different direction; a route he hadn’t planned on taking until later, yet here he was on it. “And what if I don’t want to sign them?”

 Well, that certainly wasn’t what you thought he’d say. You didn’t think this was something either of you wanted, but you couldn’t be certain. It wasn’t like the two of you had had this long talk about where you saw your life in five years. Hell, this wasn’t where you saw your life in five months, but here you were, on the verge of being divorced with a baby on the way. “Well, I guess we’ll need to figure things out then.”

 Jacob got up and started to wander around the living room. You weren’t sure if he was trying to decide whether or not he wanted to sign the papers or how he was going to be part of his child’s life. “Do you want a drink or something? I need a drink. Oh shit, you can’t drink, can you?”

 “It’s not advised, but please don’t let that stop you. Though if you have a water that would be great.” He headed towards the kitchen, which gave you a chance to just breathe. The hardest part was telling him, all the rest you’d figure out. He was back quicker than you expected, a bottle of water in each hand. He handed one over to you and sat back down beside you. “You know, you can think about this if you want. You don’t have to sign or not sign them right now.”

 He nodded and pursued his lips before answering, though not how you expected. “How long are you here for?”

 “A few days. There’s a movie being filmed not far from here. I offered to drop off some of the specs for the campaign, as long as I was here, but it also gives you some time to make a decision.”

 “I already have. I want to be in our baby’s life.” You don’t know why but it felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted off your chest. It was nice to know that you weren’t in this alone. “But there’s a lot to figure out.”

 “Yes, there is.”

 “(Y/N), this is going to sound crazy, but I want you to move here.”

 Pregnancy did weird things to the body and maybe your hearing things was one of them because you were pretty sure Jacob had just said he wanted you to move to Vancouver. “I’m sorry, you want me to move here, as in Vancouver?”

 “Well, yeah but I want you to move in here, like in my house.”

 He seemed dead serious and you weren’t sure how to take his suggestion or him at the moment. “But my life and my home are in LA. That’s where my job is.” Couldn’t he see that?

 “I know, but moving here just makes sense. I’ll be able to help you then, not just after the baby is born but before as well. I have plenty of room in this house. There are three spare bedrooms; we can turn one into a nursery for the baby.”

 How could go from finding out you were pregnant to a full out plan of attack in less than a half-hour? God, it took you a day to wrap your head around it when you found out and then another to make the decision about the abortion, and even then you still didn’t figure out you wanted to keep the baby until you were sitting in the doctor’s office. Jacob seemed to be processing everything much better than you were.

 “I don’t know Jacob, just because we’re having this baby together doesn’t mean we have to live together.” Everything with Jacob was still in this weird transition phase like you went from being wildly attracted to each other, to being married, to getting a divorce, to now having a baby, and now he wanted you to live together under the same roof. You didn’t even know if the two of you would get along that great. Sure, the sex was amazing, well really better than amazing if that was even a thing, and you seemed to get along if your conversations over the last several weeks were any indication, but to live together; that could just be a whole other problem altogether.

 “Look I know it’s a lot to ask and believe me if I could, I’d be willing to move to LA. It’s not like I can just ask to be traded there though. But I don’t want you to have to do this on your own.” It was awfully sweet of him to want to be there for you, and not just the baby. You’d just assumed that he’d want to see the baby on some weekends and maybe an extended time during the summer when he was off. “You don’t realize this yet, but there’s going to be a whole hockey family here for you. That’s just the way it is in this sport.” He grasped your hands then, the gesture one pleading in and of itself for you to see his side of things. “We can do this (Y/N), together.”

 Together, it sounded so nice. You knew that if he had decided to sign the papers that being a single mom was going to be tough, but now knowing that he wanted to be there every step of the way eased some of the burden you felt. It was just hard to think about giving up the life you’d built for yourself in LA. You were already giving up so much as it was. “I get what you’re asking, I really do. I just…it’s a lot.” His thumb started to run back and forth across your knuckles, softly urging you to his side without him even knowing it. “Can I think about it?”

 “Of course.”

 “I mean we don’t have to decide everything tonight.”

 “No, we don’t.” He smiled at you. The same one he gave you when you’d been in Vegas. It gave you butterflies in your stomach back then as it did now. “How are you feeling?”

 “Pretty good, I get a little queasy now and then; mostly when I’m hungry. I’ve learned to carry crackers with me everywhere.”

 “Well, I could make you something or we could order.” The fact that he even offered scored points in your book and was definitely a check on his side of the box for moving to Vancouver, and you were kind of hungry.

 “I mean, I haven’t really eaten.” He gave you a disapproving stare and you felt the need to justify why you hadn’t. “I was too nervous before.”

 “Well, then let’s get you something to eat.” Jacob led you out to the kitchen, where he took out some chicken along with some vegetables to stick in the oven. The two of you worked side by side getting dinner ready. You were midway chopping up some zucchini when Jacob brought the baby back up again. “You mentioned something about the heartbeat. Were you able to hear it?”

 “I have to schedule an ultrasound when I get back but they said that I should be able to.”

 “Mmm.” You weren’t exactly sure what that little hum meant. Was that a good hum, or a bad one? You stayed silent waiting for him to say more. “Do you think you could record it for me?”

 Why did your heart just flutter when he asked that? Was it because he wanted to hear the baby or was it because you were realizing how much he would be missing when you went back to LA? “I will,” you finally told him, but then had an even better idea. “Though you know, I’m here for four more days. Maybe we could find a doctor that would be able to do it while I’m here.”

 His face lit up, like a little boy on Christmas morning. “You would do that?”

 “Yeah. If we can find a doctor to squeeze us in.”

 “I’ll take care of it.” He pulled out his phone, you weren’t sure if he was searching for gynecologists or texting someone, either way, it was adorable how he just jumped in at the first mention of being a part of this whole pregnancy. Again, he was showing you just how nice it would be to share this with him. Ten minutes later he had an appointment all set for you in two days.

 During dinner you talked about how you had found out you were pregnant, telling him the story of how Kennedy was the one to point out your nausea wasn’t normal and that you should take a pregnancy test. She was the only one that knew you were pregnant. You swore her to secrecy, hoping that she wouldn’t spill the beans this time like she had about a certain movie star. Surprisingly, he wanted to know everything, though there wasn’t too much to tell. By the time you got the mess cleaned up from dinner, you were starting to feel the weariness of the day.

 “I think I’m going to head over to the hotel. I still need to check in. Hopefully, I’ll be able to sleep better tonight, now that you finally know.”

 “Stay.” The word fell out of Jacob’s mouth in almost an authoritative manner, which belied the puppy dog look on his face. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I mean you could stay here if you wanted. Sort of like a tryout or something.”

 “You mean trial run?” Leave it to his athletic side to call it a tryout. It made you laugh.

 “Yeah. We could just take the next few days and see how we do together.” It wasn’t a bad idea. “You call and cancel the hotel and I’ll go grab your bag from the car.” He was halfway to the door before you actually agreed.

 As Jacob went outside, he contemplated with himself as to where he should put your things. Did he just bring your luggage to his room or should he give you one of the spare rooms? Despite the fact you were carrying his child, his body still wanted you as much, if not more, than when you were in Vegas. He just wasn’t sure where you saw things going.

 You were just hanging up the phone when he walked back into the house and unbeknownst to him, you were wondering the same thing. However, your head kept telling you that if the two of you were going to make this work, you needed to keep things out of the bedroom, at least for now. Jacob must have had the same thought as you, for when he came in, he said, “Here, I’ll show you where the spare bedroom is.” The room was spacious but again, it wasn’t that homey, and occurred to you that if you decided to live here, you’d definitely need to make some changes. “Did you maybe wanna watch a movie or something, or are you tired?”

 You could see he was struggling in this unchartered territory as much as you were, and while you were exhausted; you still wanted to spend time with him, to see if moving to Vancouver was even an option. “I’d love to watch a movie. Do you mind if I change first?”

 “No, not at all.” He fidgeted with the back of his neck a bit, before turning to leave. “I’ll meet you back downstairs.”

 You really wanted to take a hot shower and crawl into bed, but instead, you opted for just washing up quickly and slipping on a pair of pajamas you’d brought. It was still warm in LA, though the nights were a bit cooler. All you brought to sleep in were a couple pairs of shorts and some comfy t-shirts, thinking that you’d be in a hotel room by yourself. Now, you were wishing that you’d thought about it a little more and packed something a little warmer, if not more modest. Why you cared, you weren’t sure, considering this man had seen you completely naked several times.

 Jacob had changed into some sweats by the time you got downstairs. He had bottles of water for you both along with a pack of crackers laying on the coffee table, and you had to admit your heart melted a little bit when you saw that. “So, what kind of movies do you like? I remember you saying no horror.”

 “We don’t have to watch a movie. I know the Bruins are playing tonight and that you play them tomorrow. Why don’t you just turn the game on?” He looked surprised that you knew his schedule, but you did a deep dive finding out as much information as you could once you found out you were pregnant. He was going to be the baby's father, even if he would've decided not to be in your child's life, though now that he decided he wanted to be, the information was even more useful.

 “Are you sure?” You nodded giving him the go-ahead to watch his opponents’ play. “Speaking of that, would you be interested in going to the game? I mean I know someone who could get you a ticket on short notice?” He looked so adorable when he asked you couldn’t tell him no.

 “I’d love to.” You’d watched very few hockey games live, though ever since Las Vegas, you’d been following the Canucks, well, more like Jacob. It would be fun to see him in action.

 “Great, I can leave you a ticket or have Erik’s fiancé come and take you. You’ll love her.”

 Jacob really wanted you to jump in with both feet, didn’t he? You weren’t quite sure if you were ready to meet all his friends and teammates, but you supposed that if you moved here this would be a part of your life. “If she wouldn’t mind that would be great.”

 “I’ll text him now.”

 “Jacob,” you stopped him, just by saying his name. “Can we keep the baby our secret for now? I know Kennedy knows and I don’t expect you to keep it to yourself, but I don’t want to broadcast it either. At least until we know what we’re doing.”

 He took your hand in his, the gesture reassuring. “Yeah (Y/N), we can do that.”

 It wasn’t long before your attire got the best of you and you found yourself tucking your feet underneath you on the couch trying to keep them warm. You thought that Jacob was fully absorbed in the game, but he caught the subtle movement. “Are you cold?”

 “A little.”

 He scooted your closer to him, his large frame wrapping around yours. You weren’t sure if it was his body heat or him just holding you, but it was definitely warmer in seconds, though Jacob still covered you with a throw blanket that was on the couch. “Better?”

 “Much.” It wasn’t long before you found yourself dozing off. The stress of the day and travel wearing on you. Your head fell softly against his shoulder and you sighed in contentment.

 Jacob felt your body relax against him and he savored the feel of it. He’d honestly missed this closeness to another person in a completely non-sexual way and having you in his arms just felt right. He should’ve been paying attention to the game, scouting out his opponents but instead all he could do was watch you, even before you fell asleep. His fingers were idly stroking your bare arm under the blanket, slowly inching their way down to your wrist. He didn’t realize they’d made their way to your midsection until they were there; just lightly caressing you, scared he would wake you, but he had to touch you there. He’d been dying to all night but been afraid to ask as if it was almost an invasion of your privacy even though you were carrying his child. His child. The thought both terrified him and thrilled him. Jacob always wanted kids; knew that someday he would have them. He just didn’t think it would be this soon. He always assumed that he’d start his family after hockey was over, but here he was with a wife and child on the way. It was something he hadn’t bargained for and never saw coming. Apparently, what happened in Vegas was a lot more than he gambled on.

 taglist: @iculyrea​  @fiveholegoal​  @raysofcrosby @leafs-lover​ @sexysidney87​ @lovethepreds​  @miranda0102​  @stbluesbrat21  @perrieeloise  @mandypants95​  @hockeyunits​  @liz96893  @golfergirl1982​  @princessphilly​  @ajstylesworld​  @zinka8  @dontworrybeekappy​  @hiimana  @meishaabae​ @heatherawoowoo @beauvibaby @hockeybabe87 @leafs-forever

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[animebw]

The Cinderella-ish episode is, hands down, my absolute favorite to rewatch. It never gets old.

The scene where Yuki is talking to Akito about responsibility confuses me a bit too cause Akito is DEFINITELY at major fault--until I started looking at the scene from Yuki's pov instead of my own as a reader, and thinking about his mindset here. Because this season Yuki has gone a long ways in growing as an individual away from his trauma. And looking at that scene from that lens feels a lot less like Yuki is absolving Akito of blame, and more Yuki trying to say he's no longer waiting for Akito to accept responsibility, that his decisions from here on out will be as independent from Akito's opinion as possible while they're still bound to the curse. Or maybe that's just me trying to make sense of a scene that when read straight is baffling and too close to victim blaming for comfort.

On the note of Yuki, though... I love seeing him goof off with Manabe. You couldn't imagine Yuki from early in the series being so comfortable messing around with someone, it's my favorite way of seeing how he's changed!

For some reason the Kureno thing never weirded me out so much... or at least never triggered such a visceral reaction from me. Probably because I first read the series as a kid, when high school seemed practically adult to me, and at the time some of my classmates were crushing on an assistant teacher (which I understood about as much as I understood the Kureno/Arisu plot, so not at all... Turns out I'm extremely aroace!) and now my first reaction will always be "guess people are just weird sometimes". Now that I'm older and I've BEEN a high schooler it definitely makes me a lot more uncomfortable than it used to though.

-Y

I like that take on the Yuki/Akito scene, and with the benefit of future scenes, I feel quite a bit more kindly to it. That moment where Yuki teasingly asks Tohru to praise him for standing up to Akito makes it clear that he is still fully aware of how much of a piece of shit Akito is. He's not saying Akito deserves to be forgiven; he's saying he'd rather focus on bettering himself than wallowing in the misery Akito inflicted on him. It probably could've been articulated more clearly in the moment, but it makes enough sense in hindsight imo.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

ok heres something im wondering you’re looking for asks:

ppl tend to assume that yoko was the prime person responsible for john cutting ties with his old friends (specifically paul) and that a reunion never occurred because she had a scheme and was controlling of him, ensuring he never received those messages, etc.

now im not particularly a yoko defender, but i just find this take really odd? idk to me it sounds like ppl just want to shift all the blame on this woman and absolve john of having anything to do with anything. almost like he didn’t have any agency with her which let’s be honest he would definitely be aware of when yoko would be scheming or what not, he wasn’t dumb and had said himself he knew how to “play the game.”

so while i don’t think he was out here doing a complex scheme to avoid his past, i think about the following things:

john on multiple occasions had spoken to yoko about feeling insecure, especially in the contex of lennon vs mccartney (ex. wondering why ppl mostly cover pauls songs, the story of the restaurant performer playing yesterday to him, ‘nobody hurt him more than paul’, etc.)

i think there’s something really to be said about how this lennon vs mccartney narrative really snowballed in the media outlets in the 70s and how much it probably affected him as someone who has dealt with insecurities and feelings of *identity his whole life. im sure yoko noticed this and they’ve of course talked about it, so as his wife of course she’d be taking his side and finding ways of “helping him through it”. we’re they the best ways, maybe not, but again, john wasn’t a child, he was cognizant of what was going on and was able to agree or disagree with choices.

*im talking about identity too because it literally went from lennon/mccartney to lennon vs mccartney within a short time and all of a sudden, everyone in the news outlets and the music world were pitting them against each other, when for basically 12 years, these two deeply identified with each other and the lennon/mccartney name (and side note please by no means am i suggesting mccartney wasn’t affected by this, that man literally went into depression when he realized it was over).

i really think during the 70s john wanted to separate himself from the legend (perhaps the myth in his eyes) and really make a name for himself, without the nagging feeling of “is this successful because of me or because of the legend of the Beatles and by extension of lennon/mccartney.” now, im not saying this man hated paul, but when you think about one instance when paul tried to re-establish a musical connection with him in the 70s (ie. inviting him to new orleans), john had then finally decided to go back to yoko, the coincidence is a bit uncanny. again, i don’t buy that it was fully a pure yoko scheme of her “finally deciding to let him come back home and it was miserable being without her” when these two were always talking on the phone during those two years. I’m also not saying John didn’t ponder over it, we have the account of art garfunkel and others where he’s asking them if they think it would be a good idea to record with Paul again. BUT, in the end, Lennon did make a choice. he went back with yoko.

it gets super complicated *and i think this is the reason we get so many polarizing views on this* when you consider that yes, john decided he didn’t want to collaborate with paul (just not yet at least), wanted to do his own thing and be successful in his own write (and in my opinion john definitely did create some amazing music without him), but at the same time, john loved and missed paul, and that’s full stop. you may not understand it, but sometimes there’s just no need to explain it, sometimes you just miss someone. there’s people we’re always going to love and there’s just no way of explaining it, we just do. and that shit really wreaks havoc in the mind, especially when as john once put it, their relationship and arguments were on full display for everyone to see, so your relationship to that person also gets warped through that lens of how others (in this case tens of thousands of ppl) see it and what they’re publishing. again, coming back to this idea of together= lennon/mccartney and apart= lennon vs. mccartney, when in reality, if it was just a regular relationship that wasn’t so publicized, it would have just been seen as apart= john and Paul, doing their own thing.

ok sorry, i realized i veered off topic a bit and went all over the place, but would appreciate to hear your thoughts on the matter. my thoughts aren’t fully fleshed out so i hope this made sense and didn’t sound like a complete blob of text. thanks & happy new year !

Hi anon, sorry for taking a few days to get back to you! I'm having trouble discerning a question from this message though I do acknowledge and for the most part agree with your points.

I have to say, I think talking about "agency" is a bit thorny. In a way, yes John made all these choices himself, but he was also influenced by many factors to make them, and Yoko was clearly a huge influence on his life. I don't necessarily condemn her (fully), I do think, as you say, she quite likely had her husband's interests at heart.

I think you're right in bringing up John's need for independence as an artist vs. his unconditional affection for Paul and how the media frenzy (which tbf he very much consciously fed into) complicated the situation for him.

Sorry, I do have a lot of thoughts about the subject, I think, but I'm sort of not sure which ones to go into right now. If you're still interested, feel free to send another ask, but like I said, for the most part I agree with your take!

[montrealmadison]

like branches in a storm

you know what? fuck it. i say they BOTH moved into the basement their senior year <3

Nursey wakes up on the morning of graduation with the distinct and uncomfortable impression that somebody’s glued him to the mattress.

Trying to sit up proves fruitless. He blinks up at the ceiling a few times instead, and the unfamiliar room resolves itself suddenly into the basement of the Haus: cramped but tidy, almost spartan now that its occupants are moving out in a few hours. All that’s left is a stack of neatly labeled boxes by the door, a few plants on the desk that are too big to be packed away. Two suits are all that remain in the closet, caps and gowns and hoods—one gold-edged, one white—piled on the shelf above them.

It takes a long moment to quell the fear that flutters low in Nursey’s gut at the sight. In two hours he’s going to get up and get dressed and then, carried forward on the relentless tide of pomp and circumstance, he’s going to have to leave this place that’s been his home behind.

He looks back up at the ceiling, at the pre-dawn light that washes across it through the one small window. It’s watery and cool, the sort of morning that promises sunshine—a perfect summer day, just in time for the ceremony.

Nursey decides that he’s going to be angry at the sun today.

He shuts his eyes tight against reality, goes to seek solace in the safety of his pillows—but he finds only Dex there, warm in the bed beside him. He’s turned over onto his stomach, one heavy arm slung across Nursey’s chest; slow, even breaths ruffle Nursey’s hair, tickle his cheek.

Well, Nursey thinks. That answers the glue question.

also on ao3

He exhales in relief, tucks his nose down into Dex’s shoulder, and tries to make himself relax by degrees. It’s no less heart-stopping to wake up to Dex today than it was when they first started dating, but it is familiar now, and that at least is enough to lull Nursey back to stillness for a while. He steadfastly tries not to think about anything other than the rise and fall of Dex’s back and—

For the second time in five minutes, Nursey’s brain says, Fuck it.

He can’t believe it’s their last morning in this room.

It still shocks him sometimes that he and Dex ended up here, curled up together where they’d once lived at each other’s throats. He definitely prefers this arrangement, the cozy closeness of sharing a room and a routine and a life, tangled up in each other.

Nursey’s never been happier, and so a part of him hates that he can’t help but dwell on the worst case scenario. He’s spent his last few months at Samwell worrying that this thing between them is too new, too precious, to survive outside of the place where they’d learned to respect each other at last.

He doesn’t have much time to dwell on it today, though, because at that moment a voice in his ear says, “Mornin’.”

When he turns, Dex is blinking at him across the pillow, all long lashes and five thousand freckles and the world’s most kissable nose. Nursey decides to do something about that last observation—mostly just so he can watch the slow curve of Dex’s smile as he pulls away.

“Hey,” he murmurs. “Good morning.”

Under the covers, Dex stretches one leg and then the other, miles of sleep-warm skin brushing against Nursey’s calves. He hooks one foot over Nursey’s knee and tugs himself impossibly closer, buries his nose in the sweaty collar of Nursey’s t-shirt.

“Sorry,” says Nursey reflexively. Dex just shakes his head, mumbles something that might be either it’s fine or you smell, and presses his lips to the base of Nursey’s throat.

Gratified to be absolved either way, Nursey runs a hand up and down Dex’s back and tries to let the steady rhythm ground him.

“Babe.” Dex’s voice is scratchy and low when he speaks again. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Nursey answers, a shade too quickly. Dex pulls back a little to raise an eyebrow at him, silently calling bullshit. “Just, uh.”

Uh is about the only way he can think to describe it. The feeling welling up in his chest at the thought of leaving Samwell is too unwieldy to name—maybe it always has been. Definitely has been for the last two weeks he’s spent viciously pushing it down. Now, with the reality of graduation staring him in the face, his body’s no longer big enough to contain it. His mouth doesn’t know how to describe it. Words don’t fail Nursey often, but this morning they’ve deserted him entirely.

But beside him, Dex is quiet, patient, and Nursey feels like he owes it to him to try.

“I’m just,” he tries again, eloquently. “Today, you know? Excited. Scared. Little sad.”

“Huh.” Dex grunts and then lifts his head just enough to squint at his phone screen. “S’a lot of feelings for eight forty-five.”

“Well, just because you don’t have them until after nine,” Nursey retorts. He lets it hang, though, and scrubs his hands over his face, viciously swiping away a tear that threatens to escape.

Dex huffs out a sympathetic breath and drapes his arm back across Nursey’s chest. “M’chirpin’ you,” he murmurs, lips brushing Nursey’s forehead.

Nursey offers him a watery smile. “I know, Poindexter.”

They’re quiet again for a while—two floors up, Nursey hears the pipes protesting as someone tries to coax the shower up to a bearable temperature—before Dex adds, “I’m sad too. If it helps.”

Nursey has to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat. “Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

Footsteps move past the basement door on their way into the kitchen—Chowder’s, maybe, or Whiskey’s. Big breakfasts are the order of the day on momentous mornings; Nursey knows he’ll start smelling biscuits and bacon whether championships are won or lost, exams are passed or failed, new relationships are to be celebrated or breakups gravely toasted with Tango’s leftover bowl of cereal milk.

Old habits die hard in this Haus.

“Funny thing is, though,” Dex says, and his voice brings Nursey back to the present: this boy, this bed, one last morning in the place that made them. “I kinda like you.”

“Oh, shit, you do?” Nursey asks, soft and wry and fond.

“Yeah.” When Dex smiles for real his eyes crinkle up at the corners, and Nursey loves him with a ferocity that no damn graduation can stop. “Maybe against my better judgment, but—ow, hey—hard to be too sad today when I know I’ll still have you at the end of it.”

“Thank God,” says Nursey. “Need someone watching my back.”

He tries not to let it show how much it buoys him, the simple reassurance that Dex likes his presence in his life. On such an uncertain day, though, he wonders if Dex knows just how badly he needed to hear it.

Dex's face gives nothing away when he snorts, digs a gentle elbow down into Nursey’s ribs. “Understatement of the year, babe.”

Call him a hopeless romantic, but Nursey’s brain flicks through all the maritime imagery it can think of: anchors, tides, lighthouses. Oh, that’s a good one—a light on the distant shore. Someone to guide him home, no matter where home turns out to be.

Somehow, he doesn’t think he’ll ever have to look much farther than this bed.

They’re quiet while the sky turns from gray to pink to gentle gold, while the sun comes up on an ending—and maybe, if Nursey is lucky, a beginning, too.