#and someone in my class wanted it to include the rainbow pride flag to see if we could get away with it

[loud-whistling-yes]

My class responded to our rainbow flag being banned for including a "sensitive issue that shouldn't be touched on in school" by changing to a pan flag and I think that's beautiful

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi, I’m going to byu this next year and I’m quite scared. Is there anything I should know? Also, I’m toying with the idea of going back into the closet just to make it easier in class and around extended family, because I know going to byu will hurt, but maybe I can make it hurt less? Idk, I’d just really appreciate some sort of response about this because you seem like the kind of person that can give a knowledgeable response. Ty for reading :)

Let me begin by saying my BYU student days are long ago and most of what I share is what I’ve learned from students the past few years or from when I visit campus and speak to people.

————————————————————

I know people who've been out but went back into the closet for reasons like going to BYU or moving to a new ward. And after experiencing what it's like to be out, being back in the closet the second time is a tougher experience. They recognize they are suppressing themselves.

I understand your desire to go back in the closet and how it gives you the opportunity to come out to roommates and friends after you test the water, maybe ask them questions and get a sense of their level of acceptance.

An alternative to going back into the closet is find an apartment with another queer person living there. If you know some queer BYU students, ask them to help you find housing with a queer roommate. If you don't know any queer BYU students, perhaps some will read this and message you, or I can contact a few for you.

————————————————————

The Out Foundation partners with Flourish Therapy to provide therapy for free to queer BYU students. I've only heard good things about Flourish, other than there's typically a wait list and may take weeks/months to get seen and assigned a therapist.

There's also CAPS, the university's counseling & psychological center, and I believe they're included in your student fees, so no additional costs to meet with their counselors. I've also heard good things from queer students who seek help from here.

————————————————————

USGA is the off-campus group for queer BYU students & their allies. They meet at the Provo library (the old BYU Academy bldg). They meet weekly and have activities. I highly recommend. This is a chance to meet other queer people in a situation similar to you. USGA may also be a route to find a queer roommate.

————————————————————

If you find that BYU is too much and you need to transfer, The Out Foundation might assist. Last year they raised money to help queer students transfer from BYU after the Honor Code change fiasco. They have a guide to transferring. It's better to get a degree from UVU than to be depressed and suicidal at BYU. Plus the name of the institution you graduate from will follow you the rest of your life and people will assume things about you based off of where you went.

————————————————————

Caleb Stewart put together this map to Gender Neutral Bathrooms on BYU Campus

————————————————————

At BYU, your ward will assign you into FHE groups, often it's 1 or 2 men's apartments and 1 or 2 women's apartments assigned together. 

Here's the thing, FHE isn't mandatory for your ecclesiastical endorsement, so skip it if going makes you cringe. There's a social aspect of going to college, and many find FHE contributes to that. 

If you have roommates, they may pressure you to go, but tell them you have class/study group or your going to your parents' house or whatever excuse you want.

————————————————————

If you want to avoid a calling, there's a couple strategies. Don't draw attention to you the first 3 weeks of school, that's when most callings are extended, maybe go to a friend's ward. If possible, leave your records in your home ward for 2 or 3 weeks until the big rush of callings is over.

You can avoid your BYU ward only a few times because you will need the bishop to renew your ecclesiastical endorsement. Elders Quorum and Relief Society are where your attendance will be taken.

If you really don't want a calling, you can decline the calling. Some callings are more demanding than others.

————————————————————

The school network used to be monitored, or had software that blocked certain sites, I don’t know what the current situation is. Until you know, be careful what stuff you access on the school network. Things that come across as anti-Mormon may be noticed and get flagged. 

————————————————————

A different strategy would be to tell shame to take a hike and hang up a rainbow Pride flag when you first move in. If your roommates ask (which they probably will), you can choose to say you're an ally or you are queer. You make the move to indicate this is going to be a queer-safe space.

If they really are uncomfortable with the idea of living with someone who is queer or an ally, they may try to transfer to a different apartment. And if so, good move as it will remove a hostile person from your life.

————————————————————

Ben Schilaty is a gay man who works in the BYU Honor Code office. Arranging to go by his office to introduce yourself and ask him for advice on how to have a better time at BYU is a good idea. His position is to enforce the Honor Code, so you can ask him about what is or isn't allowable at BYU, but don't go confessing things because he is a school official and would have to take action.

Blake Fisher is a gay man who works as an inclusion advisor in the Office of Student Success and Inclusion. He's worth a visit to see what steps BYU is taking to include queer students. He likely will have some advice on how to be successful as a queer student.

You'll probably be surprised by the number of faculty who are allies and display a rainbow or trans flag outside their office door. One faculty member I would recommend meeting is Roni Jo Draper. She was head of PFLAG in Provo, and is on the board of the ACLU. She'll likely be able to recommend other professors who are queer-friendly.

————————————————————

You can generally have a good time at BYU. However, anytime you mention queer topics, there's the possibility someone will overhear and respond negatively. You never know when a queerphobic talk will be given at church or a bigoted comment made in class. Feeling like you may experience these things at any time can make a person feel a bit paranoid and that they need to be careful.

————————————————————

While individual professors may call out people who make such comments in your class, don't expect the administration to take your side. In questions of personal dignity versus someone who claims they're defending church doctrine, the personal dignity of queer people gets sacrificed every time.

————————————————————

There are opportunities, such as volunteering at Encircle House or running for USGA leadership, that give you an opportunity help better the lives of queer people, and that is a fantastic feeling to know you're making a positive difference.

————————————————————

A recent poll found 13% of BYU students identify as LGBTQIA. Queer students are there and if you can find some, they'll introduce you to others. Being at BYU as a queer student can feel isolating, but you're not alone. Finding other queer students is very helpful. That group of students are generally very loving and supportive because they know what it's like.

————————————————————

As BYU is not an affirming, welcoming place for LGBTQIA students, it is up to you to build yourself a support network. This includes faculty who are allies that you can talk with, finding other queer students with whom you can talk about the ignorant things you have to deal with, USGA where you can hang with other queer students, and so on. 

Also monitoring your mental health is important because there's an ongoing low-level of stress that goes with being a queer student at BYU. If you need help, get into CAPS or Flourish and look at the possibility of transferring to another school, you may qualify for in-state tuition depending on several factors.

[halinski]

Day 5 of @sterekweek-2020 and @acesterek week! Loved this one bc I've always been DYING to include Shakespeare in my fic(let)s!! Haha

-

-

-

"Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs," Stiles says, seeing as he steps up to the LGBTQ Club's club room just in time to catch Derek's sigh. Let it be recorded that he's a dramatic bitch. In his defense, this is Derek fucking Hale standing in front of his clubhouse, seeming deliberating if he should enter. Hopefully.

Hope is a dangerous thing but oh, how Stiles loves the thrill.

Derek only seems to stiffen when he turns to look at Stiles, all doe-eyed.

"I- uh… what?" The older boy stammers and Stiles feels the heat rise to his cheeks. Sometimes he forgets not everyone is a drama and history geek. And even if they are, people don't usually go about spouting Shakespeare quotes. Stiles' friends are used to it but Derek is, regrettably, a jock. Then again, jocks have their own profitable sides.

Stiles shakes it all off with a wave of his hand.

"Nevermind me! This is just a thing I do. Classic Stiles. That's me. Stiles," he blurts out and thrusts his hand towards Derek, which he instantly regrets because since when do jocks shake hands?

He marches on, turning to the door and stepping through. Stiles lifts his arms.

"Welcome to my kingdom! Well, it's not my kingdom, unfortunately. I wish I could be king, even if it were just over a room for a limited amount of time but what I mean to say, this is the LGBTQ+ Club Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4:15 till we get kicked out and I am the president of the club, so here we are." He's halfway into the room when he notices Derek has only taken two steps in and then stopped.

"Unless you're not here for that, which is totally cool too," he quickly adds. It's a lie, but hey, he doesn't want to scare the boy off.

"No." Derek says, cautiously taking another step forward but still looking wildly out of place and uncomfortable. "I mean, yes, I am here for that… not something else."

Poor guy almost looks like he's about to faint and Stiles wishes he could do something to make him feel more at ease.

"I'm uh, Derek Hale," he says and Stiles almost lets out a snort.

"Yeah, I know… you are the school's superstar after all, everyone kinda knows your name. Must be super weird, huh? But dude, seriously, everyone here is super chill so don't worry about it. No one's going to call you out or force you to do anything." Stiles smiles as he dumps his backpack on the desk next to the couch and starts pulling out some of his newest gatherings, new stickers mostly, and the usual pins and flags.

"Feel free to look around and basically do whatever you want, if you want. I'm always here early but not many other people are, so you've got about another 10-ish to 20 minutes before people start filing in if you just want the space to yourself," Stiles continues. He chances a glance over at Derek and notices him still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Leaning back on the desk, Stiles braces his arms behind him.

"Sorry, I know I talk a lot. Everyone complains about it. But on the plus side, I can answer any and all questions you might have. Nothing is off limits, I promise you, so I'm here at your disposal."

Derek's eyes bore into his and suddenly Stiles questions every single decision he has made in his life ever. A sharp pain in his lips draws his attention to his nervous lip biting. Embarrassing.

"Do you know all of Shakespeare's stuff by heart?" Derek then asks, slowly sauntering closer.

Stiles opens his mouth but his brain is slow to process the quite personal question which has nothing to do with queerness whatsoever. Or well..

"Okay, fair. Shakespeare's pretty gay. Very gay actually, even though they won't teach you that in class, no siree. But anyway, no, I don't know everything. I'd need like a superbrain for that. Wish I could though, that'd be pretty awesome."

"Shakespeare's gay?" Derek asks and if Stiles isn't mistaken there's a smile slowly showing on his face, next to the perpetual look of astonishment.

"Oh, yeah, dude. Like, super gay. You must have heard by now that there's so many dick jokes in his texts. Like, in the plays, oh man. I have most of those memorized, by the way. And I can assure you that those dick references are not all just about pleasuring the ladies," Stiles replies. He's kind of tripping over here. Hello, he's talking to Derek Hale about dick jokes, and yeah, his hopes are way across and over the rainbow by now.

"Maybe that's why I try so hard to rise to his image, I wanna be the best bi can be." He can't help it. It's always a relieving rush to advertise his queerness. Thankfully, Derek's looking more and more relaxed and not like he's going to flee any second.

"That's the middle pin there, right?" Derek gestures to Stiles' backpack, which proudly sports multiple flags and queer quotes and images. One of the biggest one of course, is the big flag.

He beams back at Derek. "Yup, that's the one. That's me."

It's hard to resist asking the beautiful raven-haired boy if he has any interest in the same sex, too, but Stiles manages to keep his mouth shut. This is going too well for him to wreck. He wants Derek to come back, after all.

The butterflies do run rampant all throughout him, from his toes and all the way up to his fingertips and nose, when Derek directs that crooked smile of his at him.

"What about the other big one next to it?" Derek continues, glancing back to the backpack.

This is where Stiles hesitates just for a second but calms his panicking heart with iron-willed resolve.

"That's the ace flag. Asexual pride, that is." He feels ready to vibrate out of his skin, waiting for Derek's reaction. He's never been this scared of a rejection or attack, but then again, he hasn't crushed on someone this hard since Lydia in 3rd grade which basically just ended up being admiration and wonderful friendship.

"I think I read about that," Derek says thoughtfully, eyes still glued to the backpack.

Might they have that in common? Stiles' heart beats so loud he's sure Derek can hear it.

"So, maybe not as big of a fan of dick jokes as Shakespeare?" Derek then says casually, in that uber cool way of his, backpack hanging over one shoulder and hands in his pockets. It's the last thing Stiles expects, and he blinks- before bursting out with a laugh.

"Okay fine, you got me there," Stiles says with a remaining chuckle.

Derek grins at him.

Stiles totally does not melt. He doesn't. Nope. No sir.

"You're robbing me of my dreams here, Hale," Stiles quips. "What, are you coming for my position as president here next?"

"Well… you are only a freshman, right? Which is both kind of curious and terrifying…"

"Oh, I will fight you for the position. You can take my word for it," Stiles warns.

This is the end of the world, folks. You heard it here first. Stiles is bantering with Derek Hale. Reality is about to shift and collapse…

"I guess for now I'll just- I think I'll stay for today's meeting," Derek says, with a slight nervous shift in his posture, but an oh so adorable smile.

"Awesome, dude," is the best thing Stiles can say without making a total and utter fool of himself.

Reality might just be exploding and expanding I to a whole new world.

[lgbtqueeries]

A School Project as an Ode to Larry Kramer --32 Million and Counting

TLDR; This speech was a project for a Queer Studies class that I participated in. It is a speech in the form of Larry Kramer’s speech about AIDS activism in 1983 called “1,112 and Counting”  I also wanted to bring into awareness what has changed in the 37 years since his original speech. The audience is meant to be the queer community, just like his was, but also to be open to those that would listen. Due to its nature, it encompasses public health, politics, humanity, and activism. I didn’t intend for this to be the case but as the project progressed we were diagnosed to be going through a pandemic much like that of what those in the 80s experienced. To this degree, I didn’t mean to scare but frustrate the reader, much like Larry Kramer. I wanted my speech to be uniquely mine, but be reminiscent of the effect that he garnered. I plan to post this to my Tumblrs LGBTQueeries and the-unending-kerfuffle as well as my Instagram @one_steph_from_death. I want to place this speech out into the world. Please feel free to reblog and share and comment and chat with me in the comments!

Larry Kramer started his count when the number was 1,112 and counting. In 1983. Think about that again. In 1983. Thirty-seven years ago. He screamed for help then, knowing full well we’d be obliterated as a group unless we stood up. He refused to be forced to die. 

To frame this, a former entertainment star had been elected to the most powerful political seat in government. His staunch political and religious opinions led to the death of innocent people. He could have saved them by using his voice and asserting a need for research, laws, and education, but instead, let them die impoverished and discriminated against. If the hate and violent crimes didn’t get them, the sickness creeping in would. 

Worst of all, as a community, we knew that he didn’t speak for us. We knew that this hate would kill us, yet we still remain silent. We remained silent as the hate trickled into the deepest pores of our community. We let the hate fester, building up and attaching to the difference among us until it finally separated us and dismantled us. We let the bigotry we so desperately try to run from infiltrate our ranks and break us apart into factions. 

They were treated like lepers and untouchables (Barker & Cran, 2006). Hospital workers were nearly absent, just present enough to not be liable for neglect. Visitors were few and gay lovers, if they stayed, were sent away. Imagine that, slipping away in pain as you lose your vision and ability to breathe, your body starts deteriorating as it is filled with cancer and opportunistic infections. Alone. All alone. 

And when you (inevitably) died your casket wasn’t lined in silk with cushions and roses. Yours was lined with plastic and biohazard material. Your brittle, thin body was crumpled up in the discarded sheets and hospital gowns and thrown into a garbage bag. No one was going to claim you, so no point in going to the morgue. Your toes, if you still had them, weren’t tagged, just set aside with all your other hospital belongings.

But the pain didn’t end there. Like the weekly garbage men, bags were taken to empty spaces and distributed into large, unmarked graves (Kilgannon. 2018). A secluded hole lost to history. A supposed bygone of the middle ages, but here to dispose of Jane and John Does. 

If I was to scream like Larry Kramer, to these separated groups, I’d go hoarse within hours. As of 2018, 35 years after his speech, we have lost 32 million people to HIV/AIDS (CDC, 2020).  That doesn’t include the people from the last 2 years. 

We lost 32 million innocent people. 

Yes, we lost gay men and IV drug users but they are still human. They still had the same dreams and aspirations as everyone else. They could have lived to be designers and playwrights just as well as becoming doctors and lawyers. We lost everyone one from, every walk of life. We lost painters, poets, magicians, musicians, surgeons, dentists, lawyers, physicians, firefighters, police officers, farmers, framers, parents, children. Their blood is on the hands of those that slowly took the life from them. The government is not free from their crimes. 

But honestly, that’s not where the frustration and anger ends. Our history is being erased. Purposefully and eagerly. This situation that I’ve laid before your eyes seems to be that of 1983 and the pain of Ronald Reagan. The horror sounds painfully identical to what we deal with today.

  Our current administration has continued some of these misinformed ideas and hateful actions. The Ryan White Fund, a fund specifically created to create a money source for HIV/AIDS research and treatment have received cutbacks and other plans set in motion like PEPFAR aren’t fairing well either. They are better in this term than in the past, but frankly, that’s not too comforting. This fund was the lifeblood for many organizations and they soon will be bled dry (Forsyth, n.d.). This does not take into account the other actions towards queer people in general. This takes into account only one facet of the government that is working against us. What about the judicial branch and the possibility to be tried for attempted murder for not disclosing your status to your partner (CDC, 2019)?  It’s not like you have to do the same for other STIs. “On the count of giving chlamydia to your partner without disclosing your last date of testing, how does the jury find the defendant?” This doesn’t take into account the possibility you didn’t know of your own status. 

And what if you wished to give blood? Say you’re gay and we’ll even go so far as saying you’re HIV-. They’d turn you away. They’d send you back for 12 months for not being able to prove you didn’t have sex with your male partner for 12+ months. May I remind you that lesbians and heterosexual men and women have gotten HIV and therefore can pass it along? This is possibly a law of Reagan’s 80s, but it’s still in effect TODAY (“LGBTQ Donors”, n.d.).

But I digress. The government is still not free from their crimes and institutionalized hate. I don’t wish to get too political but it is inevitable with the fact we’re all stuck in the past. Again, it’s not where my frustration lies. 

My frustration is formed in the same disappointment that Larry Kramer had. In 37 years not much has changed and that the voice that we have as a community. We gained it with protests through organizations like ACT UP but we’ve apparently been diagnosed with laryngitis because we’ve become oddly silent. HIV/AIDS is not a disease of history. We haven’t cured the earth of this disease. It’s here and stuck to us like your legs to a hot vinyl seat. It affects everyone and intersectionality can increase your risk (CDC, 2019). There’s a reason it’s no longer called “Gay Related Immune Disease”. Yet where the hell are we?

It affects the young and the old. Yet we remain silent, pretending it’s not occurring. 

We can blame it on the straight, cis majority but we are complicit in our own erasure, assimilation, and silencing. 

We let our history fall by the wayside and be covered up with rainbows and pride flags used by businesses in marketing. We let our history be encapsulated by a month handed to us by the majority. 

We let the atrocities that happened be forgotten along with many of the names. 

We isolate those now that are HIV+ from queer-friendly functions, both blatantly and subtlely.

But most importantly we lost our gusto to fight for a better future for the generations that come after us. That’s what stings the most. 

It’s important to remember that this disease is no longer a death sentence. You no longer have to feel the weight of shackles weighing you down towards the underworld. Provided, that is, you have insurance and can pay for your medications. But that is another government issue for another speech. With one pill a day, just like your Flintstones vitamins, you can live a normal life. You can date and with proper precautions, have sex and not pass it along to your partner. Undetectable = Untransmissable (UNAIDS, 2018). 

While this may be a reality for us in our modern-day. I refuse to let those that sacrificed themselves for this cause be forgotten. We lost 32 million people and while I can’t list them all here or scream them to the heavens, I’ll damn well try. Those that came before us, despite their flaws, paved the way for us and I refuse to let them slip away because our government doesn’t like it. Join me in sharing the stories. If you want to see face to face, the humans that we lost, follow accounts like @theaidsmemorial on Instagram. End our silence. If it’s painful for you, imagine how it must feel for the friends and families of those that lost someone of the 32 million. They need your help to speak up. 

We started this with 1,112 and counting. Now we’re at 32 million and counting. Let’s end the counting and start the protesting.

Works Cited

Barker, G., & Cran, W. (2006, May 30). Retrieved from https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/film/aids/ 

Centers for Disease Control. (2020, January 16). U.S. Statistics. Retrieved from https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/overview/data-and-trends/statistics 

Forsyth, A. D. (n.d.). Powerpoint presentation.

HIV and STD Criminal Laws. (2019, July 1). Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/policies/law/states/exposure.html

HIV by Group. (2019, October 25). Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/group/index.html 

Kilgannon, C. (2018, July 3). Dead of AIDS and Forgotten in Potter's Field. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/03/nyregion/hart-island-aids-new-york.html 

LGBTQ Donors. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.redcrossblood.org/donate-blood/how-to-donate/eligibility-requirements/lgbtq-donors.html 

UNAIDS Explainer. (2018). UNAIDS Explainer. Retrieved from https://www.unaids.org/sites/default/files/media_asset/undetectable-untransmittable_en.pdf 

[freedom-shamrock]

Bi the Pricking of my Thumbs #3

<< Chapter 2

Cautionary note: This chapter includes a conversation about an unsupportive bi-phobic parent and hints at poor outcomes that are more prevalent among queer teens. It is offset by a supportive friend and healthy discussion.

Also on AO3.

Chapter 3

"Thank you Nadja. As a matter of fact, I do have a message for a very special group of Parisians," Ladybug said, her voice a little tinny as it played through Alya's cellphone.

"Let me guess," Nadja Chamak said brightly. "Would it be for the GLBTQ of Paris?" She gestured to Ladybug's cape, on full display in the light breeze.  Magical fabrics were a dream to work with.

Chat stepped up next to his partner, and the accents his kwami had made to the suit stood out well against the black, even on the tiny screen. His boot cuffs, belt, and wrist cuffs had each been done in a different pride flag scheme.

"It's a subset of that community, yes." Her eyes cut to her partner before she turned to face the camera, personally addressing Paris. "It's unfortunately true that not all GLBTQ people are able to be out.  There are some who can't risk the potential backlash. Worse still, are those for whom it would be unsafe."

"Is that really still an issue?" Nadja asked.  "Pride is huge, and a growing number of people are identifying as queer in some way or another."

"We've had progress, but a complete social shift will take time," Chat said, shrugging.

Ladybug frowned a little. "I have a very good friend who wants to be out.  He's fine with who he is. But his… guardian wouldn't permit it." The frown morphed to a full scowl, only fading when Chat lightly ran a hand down her back. "So I have this message for those who have family and friends who seem stuck in the puritanical dark ages. You are valid.  You are not disgusting, broken, an aberration, or anything else you may have been called. You are loved. I'm here for you, not just today or this month. I'm here for you all the time. I'm asking the Ladyblog to set up some resources and a contact form so we can get you help if you need to get out of an unhealthy environment, if you feel trapped, or if you lose all hope. I don't want anything bad to happen to any of you." She glanced at Chat, giving him a soft smile.

The video froze. "Here," Alya said, pointing vehemently at the screen.  "See that? That's significant."

Marinette tilted her head. "Significant of what?"

Alya rolled her eyes. "This is the kind of signal long-term romantic partners use for silent communication. And you can bet that there's a story behind this announcement."

"Really?" Adrien asked, leaning on the desk, his forehead furrowed. "Like what?"

"I bet Chat Noir lost someone important to him because they couldn't come out, maybe a sibling or a friend," Alya said, eagerly spinning her tale. "Ladybug loves him, and she's clearly doing this for him."

She wasn't entirely wrong, but she was still pretty far of the mark. "That sounds like a great fanfic plot, Als," Marinette suggested.

Nino cackled. "Nette's got a point, dude. You're taking that speculation for a roller-coaster ride."

Alya huffed. "One day you'll see I'm right," she insisted.

"Thanks for sharing this," Adrien said, his voice softer than usual. "It's an important message."

"Yeah," Alya agreed with a shrug. "It aligns well with Marinette's spontaneous Pride campaign, so I figured it was a special interest." She looked at Marinette. "How's your friend doing? The one who made you realize this was an issue?"

She considered for a moment. "I think he's doing okay." He was stupidly good at hiding his feelings, though, and that still made her worry.  "I'm sure he'll be glad to know you asked about him."

"Any friend of yours is a friend of ours," Nino said. "I'm in for giving him a crash space if he needs it."

Happy warmth filled her. She really had the best friends. "Thank you."

As Nino and Alya turned back to their things, pulling out their work for their upcoming class, Adrien's warm hand rested lightly over hers.  Three or four years ago, that would have turned her into a levitating babbling idiot. "Did you need something?" she asked.

Adrien nodded, his eyes wide and just a hint of a blush on his cheeks. "Could we have lunch together?  There's something I need to talk to you about. Something that I need your help with."

Marinette nodded quickly. "If there's anything I can help you with, I'm happy to do so."

"Here you go." Marinette slid a plate in front of Adrien before taking a seat across from him.  "A totally carb-free baguette sandwich."  She winked, happy when he smiled in response. He'd seemed a little more tense than usual, and she was glad the usual line about not spoiling his ridiculous model diet still worked on him.

He closed his eyes and took a slow breath in through his nose. "It smells fantastic." Despite how happy he looked about his lunch, he hesitated, his fingers going to smooth down his hair or fiddle with the cuffs on his overshirt.

"Adrien," she said, gently reaching across the table to prevent him from mangling the buttoned cuff. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

He nodded, not quite meeting her eyes.

"And I already know you need help with something, so half the battle's already won, okay?" She was relieved when his fingers tentatively wrapped around hers.

He nodded again, taking a shuddering breath. "It's just… last time I did this… it didn't go well." He was pale now, and she wondered if he was nervous enough to throw up.

"I'm so sorry that's the case." What on earth did he need to talk to her about? She chewed on her lip in thought. "Would it help if you can't see me? Like, if you keep your eyes closed or we sit back to back or something?"

"Maybe?" He sighed.

She let go of his hand and moved to sit beside him, tucking her elbow into his, and clasping his hand in both of hers. "I'm here and I've got you." She leaned against him for a moment. "If there's a way you can ease into it, go ahead. And if it's too hard now, there's always later, or on the phone."

He nodded, letting exhaling in an uneven huff. "Yeah. I… um, I want to thank you. You've always been amazing, and since we started Lycee, you've been a total inspiration to me."

She squeezed his hand, afraid that if she spoke, she'd derail him.

"Your special poster initiative for the GSA's Pride observation really means a lot to me." He sounded calmer now, his words a little rushed but the hesitation was gone.

"The one about people who are still closeted?" she asked. It never occurred to her before. Adrien was so inhibited by Gabriel's control and rules that he'd been on a grand total of two dates over the course of their entire friendship. He didn't overtly moon over anyone. But now, she wondered if there was a lot more to it he'd just had to hide.

He nodded. "Yeah. It really speaks to me... for me." His sigh was resigned now. "It's so hard watching other people get to embrace and share who they are, wanting to do the same, but not being allowed."

Her eyes stung at the injustice. "You want to come out, but Gabriel won't let you?"

He nodded. "He's…" He tilted his head back and she recognized his rapid blinking as an attempt to not cry.

"He's an asshole," she finished for him.

He let out a single bark of laughter. "You're not wrong."

She stood up so she could wrap her arms around him in a snug hug. "You're a beautiful and amazing person, and you don't deserve his crap."

"Thanks, Marinette."  His arms slipped around her and he buried his face in her neck.  "I thought, if I could tell one person who would understand and who could keep it secret, it might make it better."

"And you picked me?" She tightened her hug for a moment. "I'm honored." She let go and stepped back, smiling at him. "So tell me. Come out to me, and I'll treasure the fact that I know this about you.  I'll support you and celebrate with you in secret until we can do it publicly."

He straightened up on the stool, grinning a little, though his eyes looked wetter than usual. "I'm bi, Mari. Like you."

"I'm so proud of you." She caught both of his hands in hers. "Now eat your lunch.  I'll be right back. We need celebratory cupcakes for this."

"Really?" He brightened further.

She nodded.  "Mama and Papa have a whole lovely array of Pride cakes.  I'll be back." She didn't want to leave him alone for too long, but she did need a moment to gather her thoughts and regain control of her emotions. She wanted nothing more than to go over to Adrien's house and beat the ever-loving snot out of Gabriel.

It only took a matter of minutes to duck into the bakery and snatch two brightly frosted cupcakes and return to the apartment. Adrien was partway through his sandwich, smiling and looking a whole lot happier.

"Ta-da!" She placed the pink, purple, and blue swirled cupcake in front of him, keeping the rainbow for herself. "Happy Pride, Adrien."

He giggled.  "You too, Nette."

They were almost done with lunch when something occurred to her. "I'm glad you felt you could share this with me. But I'm a little curious why Nino wasn't your first choice."

"Part of it was your posters, and how vocal you've been about the queer community members who aren't able to really join the community. And..." He looked down, his cheeks abruptly going pink. That was an interesting, and totally adorable reaction. "I kind of have a ginormous crush on him," he mumbled.

She beamed at him. She'd seen the way Nino's reactions to his best friend evolved over the years. "I suspect that's a mutual feeling."

Adrien shrugged. "Really?" Then he shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I can't do anything about it other than pine in secret anyway."

"Awwww," she whined, poking at the frosting on her cupcake in discontent.

"It's so awkward having a crush on one of your best friends," he complained.

"It's only awkward when you can't do anything about it," she said, knowing this from past experience. "And you two would be so cute together." She pouted a little.

Blushing, he shrugged.  "It can't be helped."

"Did your father know you weren't straight before you told him?" she asked. He'd been so worked up about telling her, she knew it hadn't gone well. But how badly did it go? How much did she need to worry?

He shook his head. "No. Despite being a man in fashion, he totally default IDs everyone as straight." He smiled sadly at his cupcake, not meeting her eyes.  "He told me I was disgusting. A degenerate."

"He's the disgusting one," Marinette said. "Do you… would it be possible or better for you to move out?" As she had with Chat, she had to stomp down on her knowledge of statistics regarding depression, drug use, and suicide attempts among queer teens and young adults. "I really think it would be healthier.

He chuckled. "Actually, this whole thing has kind of made me start to consider that in a way I never had before. He's never going to accept the me I really am.  He's always trying to mold me into something he finds acceptable and perfect, and it's… gross. If I have to hear one more time about how Agreste men are or aren't something, I may completely lose my shit."

Marinette rolled her eyes. "You're an Agreste man, so I think whatever you happen to do is something Agreste men do."

He looked amused by that.

"And I'm here for you whenever you need to talk about any of this," Marinette promised.  "Nino and Alya will be here for you, too, even if you don't tell them everything until later. They'll understand if you frame it that you're finding it hard to live with Gabriel. They won't ask for more than you want to share."

He nodded.

"And if you're willing to share this with someone else, Luka might be a really good choice," she suggested. "They're going to understand your situation better than any of us." Luka's father had been horrified and unwilling to accept his eldest child's gender identity, and he'd been pretty put out by Juleka's sexuality. As a result, he'd vanished from their lives eight years ago, before Adrien met them.

"Oh… I hadn't even thought of that," Adrien muttered. "How's Luka's music program going? I've done a shitty job keeping in touch."

Marinette smiled, happy to talk about her sweetheart. "They're loving the classes, but the homework's… well, a lot." Though Luka had chosen a school in Paris, they weren't able to spend as much time together as they'd hoped. "They'll have a lot more time for friends once the semester's out, and I know they'd want to help you. I won't share your secrets, though. That's your choice."

Adrien's hand was warm on her shoulder. "Thanks Marinette." His smile was soft and warm. "You're such an incredible friend. I'm so lucky to have you in my life."

* * * * * * * * 

Chapter 4 >>

And if you’re so inclined, feel free to support me over on Ko-Fi

[ancient-depressed-druid]

Tyrys Week, day 2: Comfort And Confessions

One hour to the end of today and I finally got time to post this chapter, this week is gonna be wild

Tj was shaking on his way to the swings that Monday afternoon. He was going to travel to out of the country for a two-month vacation at his aunt Sheyla's house in Scotland and was debating with himself if he should come out to Cyrus during a near future (possibly), which lead him to the swings, the best option to lay out some stress without all the sweat of the basketball hoop behind his house.

While making his way to the park, tj remembered all the times he had come out that year.

--

01

After his last game of basketball playing for Jefferson middle, tj and his parents went home for a rare homemade dinner, an event kept only for special occasions where tj and his parents would cook together some meal and chat for the whole time. Tj thought that was maybe the best moment he would get any time soon to come out to his parents, so right after they finished layering the lasagna and shoved it up on the oven, he started talking.

“Mom, dad” he stole their attention from their wine bottle, both looked attentively to their nervous son. “I… I have something I need to tell you” Tj stuttered but still looked them in the eyes.

“What is it Ty?” his mom asked with her soft voice, her simple clothes still a little wrinkled from dressing too quickly after her hospital shift to be at her son’s game on time,  her soft blond hair, a tone lighter than Tj’s own, fell at her shoulders with light curls and her green eyes that contrasted beautifully with her faintly tanned skin full of worry.

The basketball player looked at his father, an older version of himself, only with red hair and a full beard, his paler face exhibited the same concern his wife, they love me enough to be worried Tj said to himself internally I can do it.

Taking a deep gulp of air, he looked at his parent's eyes and left forgotten his prepared speech to a short and simple sentence “I'm pansexual” he said as he closed his eyes, not ready to recognize the rejection on his parent's faces.

“Ty,” his father’s voice called him after a couple seconds, he opened his eyes to see their faces full of confusion and another expression he could not exactly pinpoint confused “as much as I would like to say I fully support you” Tj’s heart beat so loud he almost didn’t listen to the end of his father’s sentence “but I think neither me nor your mom could say that without lying to you, since we both don’t have idea of what does that term means” he finished with an understanding expression, almost as he was hurting for not being able to fully support his child in this particular moment as much as he did on every other aspect of his life (including the discovery of his dyscalculia).

His mom seemed to feel the same, as she took a hold of Tj’s hand placed over the table, thumb softly massaging the back of it to assure her son that they meant no harm to him at any moment, only looking to comprehend what he was telling them. Fuck he thought again, exhaling the air stuck in his lungs for the last minute or so I'm so lucky to have them supporting and trying to understand me he then remembered daniel’s words about his family’s views on sexuality and got a little sad for the boy.

“I am pansexual,” he started, oh so much calmer now that his parents weren't going to get mad at him for being himself “ and being pansexual means I’m attracted to a person, no matter their gender identity.” His parents still seemed confused at that explanation “ This means that I can love either a boy, a girl, a person that is both or a person that is neither of those things” his parents looked less confused now, but his mom started crying and got up from her seat to hug Tj. His dad also hugged him, making all of them part of a family hug completed with sobs and wet tears from all three of the Kippens.

Suddenly a loud pig came from the stove, the warning that their dinner was ready, they were quick to separate from the hug and settle the table for the meal, their usual rhythm coming back as his mom cracked jokes and his father told them about his latest project on the firm he worked.

“So you guys are not mad at me?” Tj asked after a few minutes of eating his second portion of lasagna (his parents were indeed really good cooks), mouth still full of the delicious treat. His parents looked at him as if he had grown another head on his arm all of the sudden.

“Why would we be mad at you, ty?” his mom asked, taking a sip of her glass of wine to wash down the food she just swallowed.

“You know because I’m not straight?” he said a little lower “There’s this kid at school, he’s gay, and his parents didn’t fully accept it…”

“Oh baby, I so deeply sorry for your friend, but we want you to know we fully support you, even though we may need a few days to search more about the LGBT community.” His mom answered him.

“And we’re actually kind of ashamed, we didn’t know we were raising you in such a way you felt uncertain of our reaction to this subject, and if you ever felt pressurized to be something you aren’t, we are profoundly sorry for it.”

“And I'm sorry for you to even consider this wrong, how could I feel anything other than pride for my baby boy being able to love someone without restrictions?”

Tj smiled despite the squeezing feeling at his chest, he was so relieved he had understanding parents that loved and encouraged him that much

--

02

Tj never really came out during his first year of high school, he didn’t announce it publically with a megaphone, at the sound of born this way from lady gaga, and a rainbow parade complete with pink glitter in the middle of the cafeteria. It actually when pretty non-climatic to be honest.

He had just entered (after much work and dedication) the basketball team, being the only freshman to play court, so, as per usual on this situations, he got to be a little bit of a celebrity among his peers, being given high fives from random people at the halls, invited to parties at houses he didn't know the owner and girls asked him out almost every week.

So it wasn’t a surprise when his older teammates came near him at his locker during his interval between biology and history (both his favorite subjects, since he couldn’t choose between them both) and took a view of the inside of that said locker, where Tj had put up a small Panic! At The Disco poster (he got really into it since that day), sided by his class schedule, a note from Cyrus wishing him good lock on his high school journey and a small pansexual flag with the words ‘love is love’ written on it.

“YO KIPPENSTER!” called his team captain, Carlos, came accompanied by two other players- Alex and Leo – and the three seniors stopped behind him, hands on his shoulder in a sort of rough massage as Tj replaced his books for the next period.

“My man, why is there a random flag with that girly shit written in it?” asked Leo in a friendly mockery. Tj didn’t even look at them as he responded with half a mind

“That’s the pansexual flag. As in attracted to any gender or biological sex, as in my flag” and realizing what he just blurted out without a care in the world he dreaded himself for if those were panphobic shitheads he, without a doubt, might as well without a doubt he be throwing out all his hard work in the nearest trash can available.

“Oh, okay.” He heard his mates answer and the following “We don’t really give a fuck to who you fuck as long as you keep playing like you did yesterday. And talking about fucking, you going to Thalissa's party this weekend? You have to get laid man!”

--

And that was that up until now he had come out without any problematic consequences, his parents had gotten more involved with lgbtqa rights and his teammates only tried to join him with their friend and random people until they caught him smiling dumbly to his phone after a long practice and none other but forced him to confess his crush on Cyrus and proceded to tease him lightly every time Cyrus went to watch a game at  high school.

However, none of that mattered in sight of telling Cyrus about his crush on him.

Tj was really close to the swings the moment he identified the hunched up form of his friend (and object of his affection), Cyrus goodman.

“Hey, underdog!” he called as he got closer to the set of swings he knew all too well by now.

“Oh hey Tj!” the smaller boy greeted him with a visible lack of enthusiasm.

“What you swinging for?” he asked the now common question between them

“You are probably gonna think I'm stupid for it,” the Jewish boy said looking down at his black sneakers.

“After all this time you still think the worst of me, underdog?” Tj joked as a way of telling the boy he was safe “is that what you take from our relationship till now?” he said and cursed at himself internally, his mouth needed a better filter or else he would just keep coming out to people without the intention to do so and one day he would get himself in a bad situation, just as this one, he thought.

Cyrus, however, didn’t seem phased by the sentence, more worried about his actual problem than overanalyzing his friends choice of words. He sighed and seemed to accept his fate as to tell Tj his problems, the basketball player sat beside the boy on the other swing.

“Take your time” he tried to lift a little bit of the obvious pressure on the other boy's shoulders. Cyrus seemed to take the advice to heart as they sat there in a pregnant silence for almost five minutes.

“I'm afraid of going to high school” he blurted just as Tj thought this subject would just be classified as more of their ‘stuff’ and never spoken about again Tj face frowned in confusion.

“What are you talking about,” he said with light a voice “we’re going to study at the same school again,” he could not control his smile nor the butterflies on his stomach at the mere thought of being able to see Cyrus every day at school again “what would be there to be afraid? You’ll miss Slayer too much?” he joked

Cyrus seemed torn between happiness at the prospect of studying with Tj again and almost desperate by whatever else he was feeling.

“Tj, I'm not afraid of going to a different school from Buffy, I mean, I’ll still have andi and we’re still gonna go out together…” he affirmed with confidence “I'm afraid because I AM different” at Tj’s utter confusion he forced himself to say the words that still sounded too heavy at his own tongue “Tj, I’m gay”

Tj’s heart sank to his stomach, beat faster than ever before and not beat at all, all at the same time at what those words implied. He had a chance, the slightest that it was, it was still bigger and better than what he had imagined.

“Underdog, I can assure you no one gives a shit about your sexuality in high school,” he said, and then realizing how he had sounded he tried to fix his words “I mean, people won't treat you different just for that, I won't treat you any different” Cyrus seemed relieved, but then his anxiety came back with more doubts at his head.

“How can you be so sure?” he inquired from the older boy “ How can you affirm to me that I won't be made fun of or beaten or anything like that?” he grew even more anxious with every word, as well as did Tj, but for completely different reasons.

“I can be one hundred percent honest with you because” his throat felt drier than sandpaper, his hands sweeter than a fat kid on the line to the last McDonald’s burger ever. It felt like he was Lúcifer going to confess his sins to God himself (mental note, don’t read paradise lost after ten pm, or else you’ll end up making more religious comparisons). “I can tell that because I'm not quite straight and I haven't suffered any major bullying during this whole year”

Cyrus stared at him with a blank face, now completely calm all of a sudden “So let me get this right,” he started with a monotone tone to his voice “you are gay”

“Pansexual actually” the blonde boy interrupted.

“So you’re pansexual” Cyrus's voice acquired a heavier, more full of anger tone at every word “and you’ve been out to strangers for a whole year” he was now nearly shouting but contained himself “but to me, ‘one of your best friends’” he made quotes on air “you chose not to say a word?”

“Yes?” Tj said nor sure if he was supposed to be feeling bad or angry about what Cyrus was telling him. But then, before he could weight his options fully, Cyrus made something I've never seen before coming from the boy.

“Fuck!” Cyrus cursed, leaving Tj astonished “Oh my god, Tj, I’m such a shitty friend, ugh, I made you somehow feel like you couldn’t come to me and talk about it unintentionally, haven't I?” he started to beat himself up, that made the taller boy’s heart feel tight on his chest.

“No, Underdog, it's not like that.” He calmed the boy, holding his hands to stop him on his over the top sequence of gestures, it’s now or never. C’mon men, you can do it. Tell him how you feel!  “I didn’t say anything before because, because I…” that moment, Cyrus phone started to ring.

Looking apologetically to Tj, Cyrus got up from the swing set and answered the call. Tj only waited, knowing full well that Cyrus’ parents only called him on emergencies, preferring not to disturb their son during the day if not for something important.

Minutes later the brown-haired boy was back in front of Tj, biding his goodbyes and walking home, Tj and his reasons forgotten in midst of whatever his parents told him that left him in a near catatonic state. Tj watched him run home as his own cellphone ringed in his sweats’ pockets, most probably his mom calling him home so they could travel.

--

Cyrus arrived home were his two pairs of parents waited for him, having already come out to them not long ago made him feel lighter around them and allowed him to act more instinctively by their side.

He couldn’t believe when his dad told him on the phone, still processing the news ‘you’re gonna be a big brother’. But in his living room, he found his mom and stepmom both talking and touching their bellies in a protective way.

He was never happier than that afternoon, receiving the news of two babies on their way, commemorating until late with his family, he only remembered to tell his friends after he got up to his bedroom, too tired to keep partying on the first floor.

He sent a text to buffy and andi marking to see them the next day to share the news and was ready to send Tj the same text when he saw he had a voicemail from a said basketball player. curious, he made his phone play it.

“Hey, Underdog,” Tj’s voice sounded clear through the speaker “it’s me, obviously. I hope everything is okay with your parents” Cyrus smiled at the kind gesture  “I'm calling to give you a heads up that I'm leaving the country for two months since I’m gonna visit my aunt in Scotland…” he felt his heart sink a little, his best friend was going to leave for two whole months.

“about earlier, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was such a coward and didn’t tell you before, I'm so, so sorry.” He felt bad for Tj, the blond’s voice sounded strangled from emotion “I guess I thought you would see me in a different way if I’ve told you, or maybe you would realize how obvious I am” Tj let out a sad chuckle and Cyrus got even more confused at that exclamation.

“ you know, I wanted to do it face to face, but I guess this way you can have time to think about it  better without me around, you can decide how to act when I come back, if you want to keep things as they are…” there was a loud sigh from Tj, Cyrus could hear the sound of running water in the background now, as well as some voices  “so this is my admission of guilt. Fuck, am I really doing this at an airport’s bathroom? I'm so fucked up…” he almost laughed if not for the serious subject of the (one-sided) conversation.

“This is me confessing my crush on you. A crush that lasts for over a year now and just grew stronger, even though I tried to find other people to like, or trying to find reasons to not like you as more than a friend.” All air from Cyrus' lungs was knocked out at the impact of that confession. Tj has a crush on me he thought to himself, unable to do any other thing than just stare blankly at his phone, the only current source of light in his dark bedroom.

“As I said before, from now on the choice is yours, you chose if we should not be friends anymore, or be just friends or if you want to try and be more than that, cause I will follow whatever path you chose, no contestations. I'm not gonna contact you during this months to give you the time to sort things out within yourself. I'm sorry for the sudden bomb I just threw on you…Just,” his voice sounded painful and closer than ever to tearing up “I'm gonna miss you during this two months… goodbye Cyrus”

[jkl-fff]

JKL I cannot stress this enough. ANSWER ALL OF THEM.

Heh. Why pick when you can just request all of them, right?Here we go, then (and thanks for the asks!)

Slightly Invasive Gay Asks

1. What’s your gender?

Hmm … Since I find the idea ofconceptual genders rather poetic (not recognized terms, but abstractdescriptions), I’ll give one of those: quirky and enthusiasticlanguage-literature-writing teacher who unironically uses a lot of Uncle Irohgifs and giggles like Scooby-Doo when someone make a particularly potent pun. Also, I’m a cis man with inclinations more towards non-toxic masculinity.

2. What are your pronouns?

He/His Grace, preferably, thoughI’ve no problem with people using Him or They/Them, I suppose.

3. Is your family accepting?

I’m fortunate enough to say theyare. Mom’s still worried about my spiritual and emotional well-being—about mefinding happiness, and worrying it might not happen like this—but that’s justwhat moms do.

4. What do you wish you could tell your past self?

Righteousness and Wickedness aresocial constructs propagated and perpetuated by authority figures to maintainan ideology which benefits them. So is “God the Father” (and Jesus Christ andthe Holy Ghost) as you conceive of them, or as anyone else ever conceives ofthem. You are *free* to do *whatever you want* so long as it doesn’t infringeon the freedom of others.

This means, boyo, that being gay isn’t a sin.Which is good, because you are gayer than a fruit bat. Just embrace it already,and you’ll be a lot more at peace with yourself and the universe.

5. What is your sexuality?

Hella gay,my dudes. Hella gay.If I wanted to expand further,I’d add placiosexual (I get off on pleasuring other people more than being pleasured).

6. Favorite color?

A deep and rich purple, like Tyrianor Imperial purple. Though I am increasingly fond of light pinks. And black is always in season.It’s funny, but as a kid I’d always say dark blue because I didn’t want peopleto think I was gay. Naturally, purple was the gay color, while blue was a safe“boy’s color” … for reasons … Isn’t heteronormativity absolutely silly?

7. Sun Gay or Moon Gay?

Moon, I guess? The sun is sogarishly bright. Even harshly so. But the moon is tastefully understated—just reallyelegant, y’know?—and also gentle and cyclical.

8. When did you find out your sexuality?

This is a rather difficult questionto tackle thanks to the cognitive dissonance imposed by heteronormativity … 

Onsome level, I *had* to have known since I started masturbating regularly (atage 13 or 14), because I only ever fantasized about other boys and guys. And I *was*aware of this on some level. However, the very idea of being gay was soinconceivable for a mormon boy (and socially stigmatized thanks to thepejorative use of the word “gay” to mean basically “stupid” from elementarythrough high school), that I refused to recognize it for years. Like, I was soinvested in being a good, mormon boy that I truly fully planned to follow themormon track of serving a religious mission for 2 years, marrying a woman inthe temple (big thing for mormons, that temple marriage), and probablyeventually having a kid or two (though I’ve never actually wanted to havechildren).

Ergo, it wasn’t until I was 19 and on a mission in France, working and livingnonstop with other guys (most of whom were quite good-looking AND had notrouble lounging around in their underwear when we were at home), that I couldno longer lie to myself. That was when I consciously recognized and consciouslybegan to struggle against “the burden of Same Sex Attraction” (as mormons insiston calling it) through “the power of faith” in Ja-eeee-sus Chrys’theLORD.

You can extrapolate from the present-day contents of my blog (and the abovesarcasm) how successful that was. Honestly, I’m rather surprised thepsychological distress such internalized and slow-toxic homophobia caused neverdrove me to take a leap of faith off a building at some point between ages 20and 25.

But those dark days were over when, at 25, I fell in love for the first time,and decided that there wasn’t much sense in being miserable, self-loathing, andlonely anymore. That’s when I started the process of coming out.

So … take your pick, I guess: it’s 13, 19, or 25.

9. How was your day?

Apart from sleep deprivationweighing me down (which is my own fault, as I stayed up late writing, then hadto get up early to lesson plan), it was grand! Went to work in the afternoonand got a good workout there moving freight, then went to teach my French classin the evening and had a ball while doing it!

10. Do you have any gay friends?

Bitch, at this point, I’m wonderingif I have any *straight* friends.Seriously, though, I do have some straight friends. But my closest friends areall openly queer in one way or another.

11. What’s your favorite hobby?

Taekwon-Doand writing.

12. Who’s the best gay icon in your opinion?

Garnet, anthropomorphicrepresentation of a now-married, WLW couple WHO KICKS ALL OF THE ASS BECAUSESHE IS MADE OF LOVE A N D  I T  I S S T R O N G E R   T H A N  Y O U,  J A S P E R!

13. Which Pride flags do you like the most design/colorwise?

Hard not to love the classic Gay Priderainbow, since it accessorizes with everything, though I prefer one thatexplicitly makes sure to include PoC, such as this one:

(Does anyone know who made this one?I saved a copy when I first saw it, because it’s fantabulous,but have never seen the post for it again.)

For the colors, the Bi and theTrans flags are quite lovely combinations, too.

14. Are you openly out?

You tellme:

Yeah, I wear this everyday becauseI got tired of people even contemplating the possibility that I might bestraight.

15. Are you comfortable with yourself?

More-or-less, and I think more thanless as time goes on. There are still bad days, but … once I understood thatbeing kind to people *also* means being kind to *myself*, it became a loteasier to become comfortable with myself. AND also easier to actually recognizeand work constructively on the parts of me I wished to improve.

16. Bottom or Top?

As a matter of principle, I striveto at least *be willing* to be verse—strive to never ask for anything I’m notwilling to give back, but … I definitely prefer to take charge and Top (evenwhen, or especially when, still giving manual or oral pleasure).Who knows, though? Maybe I just haven’t been topped right.

17. Femme or Butch?

Bold of you to assume I have aconsistent style.Seriously, though, im be Butch, I guess? I don’t really seek to present in afeminine way, so by default that make me Butch … Right? I dunno.

18. Do you bind?

Only myroot foot to strengthen it against a lingering ankle injury when I go to work.

19. Do you shave?

Only when I have to tidy up mybeard. No one shall see all of my face EVER AGAIN!

20. If you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be?

Right now, it’d be a coworker ofmine named Justin. He’s just … such an adorkable nerd with a really upbeatpersonality, and I find him very cute. And physically attractive, too. Like,damn, have you *seen* his assets? (obviously you haven’t, but trust me, they’requite pleasing assthetically)Unfortunately, he’s already married to another guy, who I hope knows he’sdamned lucky.

21. Do you have a partner (s)?

Alas, I donot. I’ve been somewhat unlucky in love.

22. Describe your partner (s)?

Hidden from me—hidden somewhere outthere, hopefully searching for me as I search for him … hopefully soon to crossmy path …

23. Have you ever dated anyone of the same sex?

I thinkabout 10 different guys. Obviously, none of them worked out.Some of them might have, but Iwasn’t ready at the time, and now it’s too late …  Oh well. Life goes on.

24. Anyone of another sex?

Technically, I suppose I’ve been ontwo dates with women. For the first (a double date) we were theoretically goingto a high school dance … but none of us were really into that when we gotthere, so instead we just drove around in her truck and made her stuffedpenguin heckle other drivers. The second was a few years later, and we went to a young, single adults gameevening after having dinner with her family. Annnnnd … that’s it.

25. Pastel Gay or Goth Gay?

I ain’tgoth, that’s for sure. But I’m not sure I’m pastel, either …

26. Favorite dad in Dream Daddies?

While I’ve never played the game,the most physically attractive one to me is the redheaded bear. Mostly becauseanyone else who might be physically attractive to me ruins the effect with amustache (THEY HAVEN’T BEEN STYLISH SINCE THE 70s, AND EVEN THEN THEY LOOKEDSTUPID!) or by being unrealistically sculpted (and I am *not* into that; I likemy men to look like they actually exist in the real world).

27. Tell me a random fact about yourself.

I have, like, over 20 neckties leftover from my mission days. I hardly ever use them anymore because I loathedressing up … but I have used them for some fun with other guys, and hope I getto do so again, soon.

28. Do you own any Pride flags/merch?

Just the rainbow bracelets picturedabove … and also a pair of rainbow socks, though those were actually procuredfor (not by) me … so I could officiate a *straight* couple’s marriage,ironically.

29. Have you ever been to a Pride Parade?

I’ve been to three. The first twowere … alright, I guess. Like, it was exciting to go to something so openlyqueer—so loud and proud—the first time (even if I had to hurry home for churchstuff for my little brother’s mission homecoming … let me tell you, that was a dayof extremes). And fun to go with my then boyfriend for the second.But … I dunno … There was a big crowd, and a lot of noise and heat (what withit being the middle of June). Introverted ol’ me wanted to go home—or at leastsomeplace quiet an cool—after about an hour, because the novelty had worn offby then.

The third, however …I was visiting my aunt in Washington D.C. That Sunday morning, we were walking tosome of the Smithsonian museums when we just happened, entirely by accident, tocross paths with the advancing Pride Parade. So we stopped and watched it for,like, half an hour … I suppose it was more of a March than a Parade,technically, which might be why it resonated with me more than the other twohad. But all the same …Here’s more on that event: http://jkl-fff.tumblr.com/post/161753611614/dc-pride

30. Any advice to someone who isn’t out, or who is exploringthemselves?

Two things: Go with what feels right for you. Your labels might or might not change, butyour understanding of what they mean for you definitely will develop and deepenover time (this is part of what “gender is fluid” means; it isn’t fixed and unchangeable,because *your identity* is neither fixed nor unchangeable). Be truthful enough withyourself to let it happen. Because in the end, the only wrong answer … is adishonest one.

Also, learn as much sympathy, empathy, compassion, and compersion as you canfrom your negative experiences. Like, it is inevitable that you will suffer inlife, so learn how to be aware of and kind towards the suffering of others.Exclusionists absolutely disgust me, because after suffering discrimination andoppression … they decide to put others through the same kind of needless pain.Gods above, life is hard enough as it is, so don’t go out of your way to makeit harder for others. Let your negative experiences motivate you to make sureno one else has to go through such bullshit ever again.

Thanks again! These were a lot of fun!

[loudlytransparenttrash]

This Week Within Our Colleges: Part 3

Student protesters at American University demanded extensions on finals for all students of color and no penalization for previous exams. They gathered in a tunnel on campus and blocked traffic from getting through until their demands were met. They claim they will take over a student-operated cafe on campus, The Bridge, as a “sanctuary for all people of color” the rest of the semester.

Harvard University will segregate graduation ceremonies based on race. "Aside from studying and taking grueling tests, if you’re a minority, the outer pressures of society make the already challenging coursework even more difficult. Knowing this, Black members of the class of 2017 decided to form an individual ceremony. The separate graduation is an effort to highlight the aforementioned struggles and resilience it takes to get through those."

College students were offered a variety of ways to cope with their exams. Penn State offered their children origami folding, “brain massage music”, coloring books and art therapy. University of Michigan offered their children Play-Doh, glitter bottles and Lego. Montana State University children were invited to the library for animal therapy sessions.

Outgoing Associated Students of Madison chair leaves in a huff and blames racism and oppression. Carmen Goséy wrote, “I was operating in a white position as a person of color. Now I see the University was not designed for the success of minority communities; it was designed for white students to learn about my oppression while not having to participate in dismantling it. All white people are racist. Not only by upholding a system of disadvantage but being born into a conditioned environment where you are many steps ahead. Being a racist is not an option, it is a white condition.”

In a bizarre rant, a lecturer at the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh considered the race, gender and sexual orientation of the word ‘it.’ The Rhode Island School of Design’s Joon Lee, a researcher of “feminism, African-American literature and culture and queer theory,” led the dialogue. “‘It’ is a word that stands outside human identity with its lack of gender,” the professor said. “‘It’ is not ‘he’ nor ‘she,’ but lately I’ve been wondering what ‘it’ might be, what it might feel like for the word ‘it’ to become a functioning gender pronoun in the English language.”

At Reed College, Humanities 110, “Greece and the Ancient Mediterranean,” an introduction to the works of celebrated Greco-Roman thinkers such as Aristotle, Plato, Epictetus and Ovid, has come under fire from campus activists, who allege the mandate is systemically racist because the class only assigns the works of white authors and therefore perpetuates white privilege and racism. In their words, it must be “reformed to represent the voices of people of color.”

MiraCosta College has announced that it will provide scholarships to either transgender students or students “active in the transgender community.” The college will not, however, be taking any steps to verify that a scholarship recipient is actually transgender. “To ‘verify’ someone’s ‘status’ in any way cannot be done. To ask someone how they identify could unfairly put them in an uncomfortable position and even potentially further victimize or marginalize them so questioning someone absolutely will not be done.”

The student government at California State University, Fullerton rejected a free speech resolution proposed after a faculty member assaulted a conservative student on campus. Anthropology lecturer Eric Canin had been following CR students around and taunting them about being “uneducated” for some time before attempting to steal one of their signs, at which point the students allege that Canin began to shove several of them and video footage of the incident also shows Canin being restrained by a school employee while brandishing a clenched fist.

The newly-elected student government at Clemson University are already proposing to institute mandatory LGBTQ “ally training” for faculty and staff. According to the Clemson’s website, “Ally Training aims to increase awareness and understanding of LGBTQ issues and to train allies to stand with, and advocate for, LGBTQ people.” In one such Ally Training presentation, viewers are taught about the differences between Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression. One slide displays a plethora of LGBTQ flags, from the popular rainbow flag to banners representing more-obscure inclinations, such as “Asexual Pride,” “Genderfluid Pride,” “Bear Brotherhood,” “Leather Pride,” and “Lipstick Lesbian Pride.” Another slide explains that “Gender Non-Conforming” people can be “Non-Gendered,” “Gender Neutral,” “Gender Queer,” or “Gender Fluid,” portraying gender identity as a sliding scale between “man” and “woman.”

Students for Justice in Palestine chapters around the country have begun drinking cups of saltwater to show their support for Palestinian terrorists being held in Israeli prisons. The Temple SJP members finished their video with cheers of “free Palestine!” Several other SJP chapters have participated in the “saltwater challenge” as well, including groups at San Diego State University, California State University, Long Beach and the University of California, Irvine. The Swarthmore College Students for Peace and Justice in Palestine is also planning its own iteration of the challenge this weekend.

UC Santa Cruz Chancellor George Blumenthal caved to a list of demands created by students in the African/Black Student Alliance on Thursday. The students had locked themselves in for three days in an administrative building on campus, Kerr Hall, covering the windows with protest posters and locking all doors, threatening not to leave until their demands were met. The first demand was for for “ALL African Black Caribbean identified students have a 4 year housing guarantee to live in the Rosa Parks African American Themed House.” They also demanded that the university fund the exterior painting of the house, while later explaining that they couldn’t paint it themselves because “That’s vandalism and black students are often arrested and often sometimes shot down by police and we do not want to put ourselves at that type of risk.” The final demand required “new incoming students from 2017-2018 school year forward go through a mandatory in-person diversity competency training and every incoming student complete this training by their first day of class.”

Residential Advisers at an on-campus apartment complex at California Polytechnic University recently handed out instructions for avoiding cultural appropriation on Cinco de Mayo. The flyer provides a list of do’s and don’ts recommending people not to wear sombreros and specifically advising that they not visit party stores for costumes and accessories. “Hold your friends accountable,” and avoid “perpetuating harmful stereotypes.”

[deniscollins]

Being Transgender at Goldman Sachs

Michael. DuVally, worked at Goldman Sachs for 15 years, is 58 and twice divorced, with three children. He then appeared at work wearing women’s clothing as Maeve DuVally and informed you about being transgender. Assume some workers respond inappropriately. If you were Maeve’s boss, would you address this issue at a team meeting: (1) Yes, (2) No? Why? What are the ethics underlying your decision?

Goldman Sachs’s trading floors are vast rooms crammed with rows of tightly packed workstations, four monitors for every trader. The two-by-two grids tower over and swallow up their users, so that the only way someone can be identified from across the room is by the decorations affixed to the tops of the screens.

At one desk, a toy vulture peers down, held in place by wire feet. A stuffed eagle in a sports jersey sits atop another monitor. Flags: Brazil, Canada, Norway. A lacrosse stick juts out like a severed head on a pike.

One Wednesday in May, Maeve DuVally walked the rows in a pair of low-heeled black leather pumps, her ankles wobbling slightly. Her pink lipstick popped against her blonde hair, dark jacket and the pearls at her neck. Her eyelashes were full and inky.

Ms. DuVally, a spokeswoman for the bank, passed the flags and the lacrosse stick. She passed the vulture and the eagle. She passed one desk where a little tented card floated at eye level, bearing the Goldman Sachs logo, a rainbow-colored rectangle and the word “Ally.”

She approached the doorway to a senior executive’s office and leaned in. Its occupant, a man in gray dress pants, looked up at her quizzically.

“Hello,” she said, and waited.

“Maeve DuVally,” she said, after a moment.

“Hello,” the man said, blinking.

“Michael DuVally,” Ms. DuVally said. “I’ve changed genders.”

“I did not recognize you!” the man said.

Ms. DuVally explained that she had not yet gotten around to telling all of her colleagues of her decision to come out as transgender. She told a story: One person she had shared the news with was a fellow member of a Goldman working group; he had replied, “Great — now we have another woman on the committee.” Ms. DuVally and the man in the office laughed at that. Then she said goodbye, and that she was looking forward to seeing him again at a meeting later that day. The man said softly, “New experiences for all of us.”

Wall Street wakes up (a bit)

Wall Street has had a hard time kicking its reputation as a dismal place for people who aren’t straight white men. Gone — mostly — are the days when investment banks would pick up strip-club tabs and female employees were harassed as a matter of course. It may be harder now to find a trader nicknamed “Porno Ray” (he worked at Bear Stearns), and the Volcker Rule has taken the swagger out of the guys who used to walk away from a day’s work with enough cash to buy a new Lamborghini — or acted like it, anyway. Despite these advances, a fleece-vested bro culture remains, and there are still plenty of obstacles to success for minorities and women.’

The group photo of Goldman’s 2010 managing director class, for example, is a sea of men with a sprinkling of women at the front. Ms. DuVally was in that class; she keeps the photo, in which her face appears above a suit and tie, on her desk. When she arrived for work as Maeve on the Tuesday after Memorial Day, only the second employee to use official channels to manage her transition at Goldman, she was testing just how tolerant and accepting a big American bank could be.

Goldman presents itself as being ahead of the curve on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender issues. It has offered health and relocation benefits to same-sex couples since 2000. It expanded its employee medical plan to cover gender reassignment surgery and hormone therapy in 2007, years ahead of JPMorgan Chase and Citigroup. This year, Goldman’s former chief executive, Lloyd Blankfein, received the Ally Award from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center, a 35-year-old institution that supports the L.G.B.T. community in New York City.

Employees can choose to display posters and cards in their work areas that identify them as allies dedicated to “encouraging the use of inclusive language” and “mentoring and being a resource for L.G.B.T. people.” A giant rainbow pride flag is affixed to a window high above the equities trading desk, beside the office of R. Martin Chavez, the co-head of Goldman’s securities division and the firm’s most senior openly gay executive.

Goldman still has problems. On June 5, William Littleton, a former vice president who is gay, sued the bank for discrimination. He said his direct supervisors had failed to act when other bank employees undermined him, including when one colleague explained that he had been kept off a conference call because he sounded “too gay.” One supervisor, he said, had belittled him with comments like, “You look so Miami today.”’

There is one other Goldman employee who has formally transitioned at work (that is, involved the human resources department, changed names, made an announcement and so on): Katie Krasky, an associate on Goldman’s regulatory policy team. She was hired in February 2017, told her bosses that June of her intention to transition, and debuted her new name and pronouns that October.

Ms. Krasky said in an interview that she had not known she was a pathbreaker. She assumed there must have been other employees like her. “While I wasn’t able to find or connect with anyone who identified as transgender during that process, I felt it was probably foolish to assume I was the first, just because of the math,” she said. “It didn’t seem like it was very likely.”

A 2017 study published in the American Journal of Public Health estimated that 0.39 percent of adults in the United States are transgender. If that proportion were applied to Goldman’s ranks, there would be as many as 140 transgender employees among the bank’s 36,000.

Goldman’s head of human resources, Dane Holmes, said Ms. DuVally and Ms. Krasky weren’t the only two transgender employees at Goldman, they’re just the only ones who have formally transitioned while at work. “There’s a lot of fluidity around how you think about sexual identity,” Mr. Holmes said. “We’ve had people who came into the firm at some different stages of their transition.”

One employee, Mr. Holmes said, had a name that befitted both a man and a woman, so she simply transitioned without any official announcement. “There are certainly people who work here who are transgender who have chosen not to self-ID,” he said. He declined to say exactly how many.

‘I never, on a conscious level, thought that there was anything I could do’

In the Goldman Sachs communications department, Ms. DuVally and her colleagues are concerned to an extreme with the stories they tell, and with what they are and are not allowed to say. Recently, while visiting the bank, I made an idle comment about Goldman’s relaxed new dress code. Ms. DuVally replied, “You can’t put this in your story, but my assistant wears jeans every day now.” Another co-worker, who has worked with Ms. DuVally for years, told me he had never seen her happier. A few hours later, he emailed to say he could not be quoted saying that.

Ms. DuVally, who has worked at Goldman for 15 years, is 58 and twice divorced, with three children. In an interview, she said that she had been unhappy for most of her life. “I drank too much in the past, and I was extremely self-critical,” she said. “In retrospect, I can say now I didn’t like the fact that I was a male.”

Before she started dressing in women’s clothing, she said, she could not remember looking at herself in the mirror and feeling anything other than disgust. “I believe from a very early age I’ve wanted to be a woman,” she said. Somehow, she added, the sense was both vague and strong. “I did not like anything that was masculine about me. But I never, on a conscious level, thought that there was anything I could do about that.”

Last year, Ms. DuVally said, she discovered that she liked wearing women’s clothing. She did so on weeknights, at her apartment on the Upper East Side. She found a support group for transgender people and made new friends.

At first, the thought of expressing herself in this way at Goldman did not cross her mind. But then, beginning late last year, she occasionally wore light makeup to work. Sometimes she would appear before her colleagues wearing bright red or pink lipstick. A few nights before Thanksgiving, she wore makeup along with a tuxedo to a black-tie event, where she mingled with other bank employees and journalists.

Ms. DuVally saw herself as living two lives throughout the fall and winter. One, where her new friends knew her as Maeve, was exciting and filled with a happiness she had never before experienced. The second, her life at work, where she had to keep being Michael, was grinding away at her.

In December, on the mornings she went to work from yoga class, she began showing up in flowy yoga pants and boots with heels. She would ride the two elevators it took to get to her office on the 29th floor and then change into a suit. The form of Michael felt stifling. Sometimes she couldn’t even last the whole day downtown in the unnatural feeling of her men’s clothing. She’d get dressed in women’s clothes and makeup while still at work, in preparation to leave at the end of the day.

Then, in March, an invitation went out to the bank’s employees: Goldman’s L.G.B.T. network was hosting a panel on “how to be stronger allies to the transgender and gender non-conforming community.” Ms. DuVally showed up to the event, in Goldman’s auditorium, in a wig and makeup, and afterward she introduced herself to some bank employees.

Ms. DuVally found the event encouraging. One co-worker, who watched it remotely from London, took copious notes and emailed them to the communications group afterward. Everyone who attended received laminated cards explaining correct pronoun usage. Ms. DuVally realized, she said, that it was time to come out as transgender at Goldman.

The bank is a place of rigid protocols, and she knew her debut as Maeve would require weeks of preparation. After Ms. DuVally informed her bosses of her decision, a human resources specialist was assigned to handle her case. Ms. DuVally got new business cards, a new ID badge, a new email address. She got a new profile in Goldman’s internal directory, so that when she joined work discussions digitally, the meeting software would display to all participants her smiling, feminine face.

A co-worker of Ms. DuVally’s in London used her access to the bank’s employee website to change Ms. DuVally’s name in past internal articles from Michael to Maeve. The bank’s security team let her into their offices to have her new-look photograph taken at a time when no one she knew and hadn’t told about her transition would chance upon her.

Ms. DuVally and her colleagues in the communications department knew her decision would be of interest to journalists, and they discussed how to keep it a secret until the last minute. In mid-May, Ms. DuVally attended a happy hour Goldman hosted for reporters at a bar overlooking New York Harbor. She was still calling herself Michael, still dressed as a man. Tucked into her jacket, out of sight for most of the evening, was a large, bubblegum-pink wallet. I noticed it when she took it out at the bar, and Ms. DuVally hurried me away from the group. Only out of earshot, and after stipulating that it was a secret, did she explain why.

In the corporate sphere, Ms. DuVally imagined that her transition would be a binary thing — that a switch would be flipped. But word was getting out. People outside her immediate circle learned of her transition plan. On May 22, when I interviewed Asahi Pompey, Goldman’s global head of corporate engagement, she gushed about the name “Maeve.” Later that day, when I told Ms. DuVally, she was surprised Ms. Pompey was aware of it.

LONG ARTICLE CONTINUES ...

[twistedstorm]

This is Super Important...

*bashes through my newly repaired closet door which has been bashed through many times before* WHAT UP BITCHES I’M QUEER AS FUCK!!

It’s National Coming Out Day and although I’m pretty sure you all know how queer I am I’d still like to do a little re-introduction to all of you and today is a good day for it, and because I’m a nerd Imma do it like I do my D&D character pages. Here we go:

Name: Zeta

Nickname(s): ZZ, Z, there’s more but these are the ones I use here

Age: 19

Gender: Genderfluid and lately I’ve mostly just been in a nebulous state of like “yeah I’ve got a gender just give me a sec *rifles through pockets of my jeans* no really I know it’s here somewhere *searches jacket pockets* just a sec *checks my purse, finds some lip balm, a rainbow flag, and a stuffed tarantula* Okay so yeah I dunno what it is today, I think I left it in my other pants, just pick some pronouns ta use for me today, whatever is fine” 

Sexual Orientation: Partially sex repulsed Demisexual Panromantic and I’ll include Polyamorous here too cause that’s a thing that I am  

Race: I’m fifty shades of white but I totally wish I could be either an elf, a halfling, a day walking vampire, or a water spirit of some kind 

Class: Pirate/ Witch/ Annoying feminist nerd/ Artist

Height: Just under 5′7″ on a good day

Weight: Sitting at a solid 200-205lbs 

Eye Color: Hazel-green

Hair Color/Cut: Dyed bright red/ one side shaved, undercut all the way around, rockin the emo fringe on top

Abilities: Is ADHD an ability? Cause I think it should be....at the very least hyperfocus should be considered an ability....

Special Talents: I can work my computer with my feet, like I can type pretty accurately, work my track pad or a mouse, play solitaire, all with my feet. I can also easily read backwards and upside down and write upside down and backwards pretty well too. Oh and I can fall asleep anywhere if I’m sleepy or just really calm (Notable examples: On a roller coaster, while standing up, while on the ground after I fell over cause I fell asleep standing up, upside down, two feet away from a speaker playing aggressively loud death metal, etc)  

Other Stuff: I’m loud by accident cause I have no volume control and I talk really fast and I end up slurring my words together really often which is annoying but most of the people close ta me are good at understanding me by now so I don’t have ta constantly repeat myself because my words came out mushed together, I also stutter and stumble over words a lot because my brain and my mouth run at different speeds and I fucking hate it because it makes me feel stupid when it takes me three minutes ta say two words cause I couldn’t get them ta come out right. Oh and don’t get me started on not understanding what people say ta me until they repeat themselves like five times because sometimes I just don’t process auditory stuff very fast. I’m learning sign language (ASL by the way if you wanna know which type I;m learning) so far I can finger spell super fucking fast and I often ramble with my hands (I also know how ta say “Please go away” “can you not” “please feed me”and “I need an alcoholic drink” because yes there’s a specific sign for alcoholic drinks over non-alcoholic drinks, I can say more stuff but those are my favorites) it’s hard ta learn but I really like it so I keep trying. 

Relationship Status: Currently dating a huge nerd boy whom I like very much and just so you know just because I’m dating a guy right now it doesn’t erase my Pan-ness and if you think it does you can fucking fight me and also yes Ace people can date, we can even have sex if we want to, we can fall in love too just so ya know *finger guns* 

Daily Gear: Ipod and earbuds because music doth sooth the savage beast (aka: music helps regulate my mood, block out other sound when I get overloaded, eases my anxiety, helps me focus, and keeps me from going homicidal), cellphone, battery bank and cord for ipod cause it’s old and dies a lot, six rings (three for each hand: three silver, three stainless steel cause I’m allergic to pretty much all other metals), one metal tablet rune necklace with the Nordic rune for warrior/sword on it from my aunty, one digital watch because I have trouble reading analog and my digital one lights up, one bracelet made from a skinny black shoelace, one bracelet that’s actually a cats cradle string wrapped around my wrist which is good for fidgeting, one bracelet made of lava rock beads with the chakra colors on six of the stones (my mom bought it for me at her last craft show cause she thought it might help me feel more grounded, it does), comfy worn in jeans (almost always), hoodie (currently my boyfriends hoodie), wallet, lip balms of various flavors (my mint eos one is my current fave).

Random Trivia: My favorite color is blue (almost any shade of blue but midnight black-blue with silver flecks like stars is the best), I own a bearded dragon named Seto Zuko Kaiba and he’s a total dicklizard but I love him, I love Monster High dolls, I do horror/FX makeup in my free time and plan on going ta school for it soon because I love it so much, I do swear filled dirty embroidery whenever possible as well as pride embroidery (for the queer community and also for feminism stuff) and I plan on selling it at craft shows under the name “Queer as Stitch Embroidery”, I crochet dishcloths when I get stressed, I’m a reformed nail chewer and I’m going on six months of not chewing after nearly 16 years of chewing my nails down ta nothing, I’d kill a man for garlic bread and lasagna as well as for apple crumble, I love Halloween more than any other time of year.

Alright so that’s my little reintroduction to you guys cause a lot has changed in the years since I started this blog and things are still changing and I like ta keep you guys updated on who I am and how I feel as well as keep a sort of log of my progress over the years for me ta look back on ta see how much I’ve grown. Today seemed like a good day ta do this since it’s National Coming Out Day and being queer is a really big part of who I am and it means a lot at me to be true to myself and even though coming out fucked up some stuff in my life I’d never take it back, I am out and loud and proud and if someone doesn’t like it they can shove a cactus up their ass cause I’m gonna be myself and love who I love, however many I want to love, until I die. And even then my ghost will be queer as fuck too. 

Now to all my fellow LGBTQA+ peeps out there, out of the closet or not: I love you all, you are valid, you do matter, and you do belong here and anybody who says different is a piss weasel and doesn’t deserve your awesmazing presence in their life.  

And now for a little change (or big change in a way I guess), as the oldest of my followers know I’ve been signing off every post on my blog with “Back to your insanity” pretty much since I started this blog and now it feels like it’s time for a change, so my dear Twisters:

Back to your own world

Signed your queer and crazy blog owner

~ZZ

(P.s. I might change my sign off around some more before I settle on one and might not, we’ll just wait and see)