#and somehow the show breeders look down on that

[starsofjewels]

HPQD: Pets

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This has been in my drafts for a hot minute, and I feel like it's time to have the second installment of the HPQD series before I start writing smut pieces 🤭. Enjoy xx

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Content: Language (Fenrir)

Barty Crouch (Sr)- Cat:

Contrary to popular belief, Barty will melt if you adopt an animal together. He grew up with dogs, as any good pureblood heir should, and a variety of kitchen cats and their numerous kittens. The moment you bring up wanting a pet he’ll scoff, and tell you he wants something that will be useful, and not simply another waste of food; an owl, perhaps, something bred to work. Of course, that’s not to say he won’t come with you to the pet shop, and the animal rescues, so that you don’t “make a foolish decision”. That is until the two of you come across a little kitten on one of your many trips to professional breeders. A perfect, grey little thing with darker stripes on her, the domestic tiger Barty would tell the breeder, who didn’t find it particularly funny. You have to take this cat home, you insist you do, and Barty agrees, more than happy to bring home his fluffy, weak little grey tiger. He spends countless amounts of money on this cat before it even sets foot in your house: the best, softest cat beds, the most expensive food and drink bowls, and luxury pet food that you are certain costs more than your trips to the market. It makes him happy, though, and you cannot deny him the pleasure of cradling the kitten in a towel and setting her down in your living room to explore your home, treating the thing as he would his own, human, child. You name the creature Lily (as in the tiger lily flower). Barty thinks he’s being quite clever, you say nothing. Lily, in true cat fashion, is not particularly stable in her showing of affection. She prefers you, but that may be because Barty’s office is quite cold, and he never lights the fireplace. Still, upon occasion Lily makes her rounds around the house, and you hear Barty talking to her as though she both understands and cares what he is saying. The cat, as it turns out, is a terrifyingly good mouser, and has even managed to snatch up a rat on occasion; you will never tell Barty how funny it is when he shrieks, finding a mouse running wild in his office, shrieking out for dear life.

Oh, Merlin! Darling, darling, come quick- There’s a mouse in the office! No, no I am not afraid of it, thank you, but I have work to do- And they carry all sorts of diseases. Can’t you teach Lily to leave them outside?

Fenrir Greyback- Tortoise:

The problem with Fenrir and certain animals is- well- wolves are natural predators. Cats? He will bark at it, make no mistake. Rabbits? Hamsters? Birds? You have about a day to bond with your precious pet, before it becomes nothing more than memories, feathers and fur. You suggest a dog, a new addition to his pack, he stares at you, half-offended: 

I’m a wolf! That’s essentially slavery, I can’t own a dog!

And so, you are left with limited options, and very little hope that you will ever find the pet of your dreams, much less something fluffy and cuddly. Fenrir attempts to fulfil your demands- Letting you snuggle him in his werewolf-y form. But he’s not always a wolf, and there’s a certain level of unnerving sentience when he looks at you, and licks you in some animal form of a kiss. By chance, one day at the office, you somehow end up in a conversation about one of your coworkers’ new tortoise, bought as a birthday present for her son. Just as you begin to question who would give a seven-year-old a rock with legs, you realise that a tortoise might just be the perfect animal for Fenrir, it comes with its own helmet, designed to keep it safe from predators. Your search for a tortoise ends in the local reptile shop, when you discover one no larger than your hand available for rehoming; a rescue tortoise, if you will. The operation to install a terrarium in your shed requires the assistance of a few of Fenrir’s Death Eater acquaintances, who teach you how to arrange the enchanted self-heating stones, and how you should properly assist the tortoise when it hibernates.

It takes Fenrir three full weeks of working in the shed to realise that his new companion lives there, and he freaks, like a child discovering a spider. He relaxes, eventually, in mild discontent that the reptile is taking over his space. He names him Lazy Fuck, but you call him Timmy. You can’t tell your new reptile-enthusiast friends the poor thing has such a name, after all.

God, does it do anything? All it does is sit around and eat that lettuce, lazy fucker- I have a name for him, Lazy Fuck! It suits him, doesn’t it? Well… you can call him Timmy, I’m calling him Lazy Fuck. 

Rufus Scrimgeour- Hunting Hounds:

Rufus is a little more serious when it comes to animals. He is a rather busy man, and his duties as Minister are much more important than taking care of a pet. After all, it wouldn’t be fair to leave the poor thing alone all day, and who knows how many nights, whilst you attend galas and dinners, and all of the perks that come with being the Minister’s little companion. You beg him for a dog, looking into doggy daycares close to the Ministry. A dog would need to be cared for whilst you are away, after all.He asks why you can’t just have a cat, or something small, and you give some vague response. 

Rufus caves solely on envy. 

He takes a weekend in the north, hunting, where one of his friends is accompanied by a small group of beagles. Because of those dogs Rufus does not win the competition they hold every hunt, and decides he must have his own pack of, much better, hounds. He gets himself a group of English pointers, which come in different, distinguishing colours, so he can tell them apart. More than likely, they all have classical names, from mythology, which he assures you are very well thought out- Think Marcus and Minerva, for the Roman gods of war and victory respectively. The house comes with ample space for the pointers to run about in the mornings and evenings, and upon disturbingly close inspection he eventually settles for a “luxury” dog care facility, the same one copious other ministers use for their own pedigree dogs. Rufus is rather happy with these dogs, but he quickly realises that it was you who begged for an animal, and he is not one to deny you. He comes home one day with a little, long haired dachshund, dressed up with a bandana in your favourite colour, and those tiny shoes rich people tend to buy for their dogs, named Frank Furter, of course. He will give in to the sausage puns, as long as they remain reasonably discreet, and you never tell people the dachshund has a surname. Frank stays with you in the house when Rufus goes out for his trips, running up to you with the prey his powerful siblings bring as though he helped.

I know you were upset the pointers are for my hunting, so I brought you a present. Look, don’t you love his little legs? He’s cute, isn’t he? Just like you, my love- here, I’ll put him down for you, why don’t you get to know each other?

Lord Voldemort- Guinea Pigs:

The Dark Lord’s household is cursed by snakes. He speaks to them in the darkness, large and small, and they come to him, as requested. They never hiss or bite in any way untoward, but you still find them everywhere. And it is not fair. He can call for serpents at any time, and yet you still have no pet to call your own. Nagini is long gone, returned to the ancient jungles, and mother to a clutch of snakes almost as large as she. He has his own history with animals, and not a pleasant one. As sure as you are that Lord Voldemort has matured from his days as the orphan, pre-magical Tom Riddle, something leaves you unsure. There is something odd about his behaviour, as he coos at the grass snakes who appear in the garden, and sneak into the warmth of your kitchen over the winter. Enough is enough, you deserve a pet too. 

Your home has ample outbuildings you can use to your heart’s content. He has no reason for them but simple storage, and merely batting your eyelashes and asking for one for your personal use will get you exactly what you’d like.

And you would like pets.

The Dark Lord puts his head to the table and groans when you ask him for animals. Eventually, he hands you pamphlets and brochures for all of the best Guinea pig breeders in the country. You may find it strange, but he has his reasons: Hamsters are irritating and die in odd ways, cats and dogs require too much attention, and he will not let you disgrace the name of serpents by trying to put one around your neck and wearing it as a statement piece to freak out Lucius Malfoy.

You get two female Guinea pigs- One black and white, the other brown and white, with fluffy hair you could brush if you so wanted to. They are named Lolli and Pop, and you will never explain why your new animal friends have such odd names; you just think it’s funny, but you pretend there is some deep-seated meaning as to why. 

The Death Eaters find it hilarious that the Dark Lord owns a pair of Guinea pigs, and even more hilarious when you begin fashioning tiny robes for your pets, complete with a selection of hats. He doesn’t particularly mind, not now that his followers have made it a point to give him Guinea pig-related items as opposed to candles and jewels. He has saved a small fortune on food and toys for your pets, after all.

Ugh- Another luxury grooming set from the Rookwoods. Is this amusing because of your little rats, or because I am hairless? Both? I thought as much. Put this with the others, and be thankful the money you are saving me on products for those infernal beasts is greater than a little childhood teasing. They said thank you? They cannot talk, dear.

Igor Karkaroff- Class Fish:

Igor despises all animals. He will accept no debate or argument on this. He hates them. There is no heartwarming moment when you bring him a stray dog and he falls in love with it, or an orphaned owlet you raise together- No animals. Full stop. You have very little options, as he will find a pet in your home in a matter of hours, and have you send it back from whence it came. But, you realise, he has no power over your classroom or your office. He may be High Master, but your rooms are yours to decorate as you see fit, and you want an animal. It doesn’t take very long to decide on either a reptile or something aquatic- Small rodents are noisy, and not much fun to play with during the day, anything too big is off limits completely. You think of a bunny rabbit, but it would be cruel to keep the poor thing in a tiny cage, when it should be out roaming the grass. It comes down to the popular vote of your upper classes, who all decide you should have an aquarium. Fish are more relaxing to look at, apparently. Working in a school with students whose pocket money amounts to more than your entire yearly salary comes in quite handy for acquiring an aquarium, an impulsive purchase from a boy’s mother, brought to you from years in their cellar, and very quickly you begin to amass a collection of items for said fish: live plants, gravel and even the fish itself. One of your juniors brings you a beautiful, red and pink betta fish in a little bag, and you are more than happy to take him in. Igor knows you’re up to something, now that you’ve barred him from entering your classroom, and have sworn all of your students to complete secrecy. He won’t ask, he assumes you’re having a moment, and are doing something odd- His current bet is painting your classroom orange.  

Although you are a little sad that your betta fish cannot live with any fishy friends, you understand that the creature will probably turn violent, and you cannot handle the possibility of explaining a fish massacre to a collection of twelve-year-olds.

The name of your new pet is put up to vote, again, and they decide, in shockingly agreeable fashion, that  it will be called Igor Sharkaroff, one of your personal favourite name options, and the one you voted for. 

Igor, unable to handle the mystery any longer, forces himself into your classroom, only to be met with his namesake fish. He rolls his eyes, tuts to you in words you know are swears and leaves, never to speak of the fish again. 

Until he finds out you've named it after him. 

Yes, I know I told you the classroom was yours to decorate, but I did not mean this! Ugh- No, the name is not funny, it’s a disgrace... Alright, it is a little bit funny, but I am not burying that thing when it dies. What do you mean, fish funeral?

[simonsaysbark]

Notzmo Simon Sez "Simon"

7/14/08 - 10/28/23

There's all these things I want to write.

I'm struggling. I'm a better writer than a speaker, but I'm going to ramble. Lots of words, and somehow, it's not even close to being enough.

Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted a Blue Merle dog. I know. I know. I'm going to get all my show friends and dog friends who shake their heads and say color doesn't matter. I know it doesn't, but- it did for me. It does. I love merles, I love how they look like fog in the woods on a Pacific Northwest Morning. They're swirls of grey and black with pops of tan or muted gold, all different patches. I adored them from afar. I grew up with an Old English Sheepdog, we had friends with merle Aussies and other merle dogs and man, did I covet them as a little girl. However my dog life went a direction I didn't forsee, to German Shepherds. Search and Rescue was my thing, my GSD's were wonderful at it, but the shop kinda took over my time. I showed Shepherds too, enjoyed that, but Matt wanted something a little smaller in the house.

So I did my research. I talked to folks, met dogs, and Corgis fit our lifestyle and our household. Cardigans especially. I could live with that, I've had herding dogs my whole life, they're a big dog with a giant heart and work ethic but with short legs. They had all the things I loved about Shepherds, and not so much of the things I sure can live without.

Plus they came in merle. Geninuely merle, a true pattern of the breed.

We ended up with two rescue Pems from rough beginnings, but man, I still wanted that Cardigan. I don't think I've ever told my Cardi folks how I sneakily went to dog shows, tried talking to some of the breeders a bit around my area. Most of them didn't have time those days. Me? I was too worried about making a mistake or being rude, coming across badly, and I was also hyper aware of how busy folks are at them and didn't want to push. I guess that was okay. Universe testing me, do you really want this breed? I did. The more I was around the ones I saw, the more I loved them.

So, I sent out a whole lot of email inquiries to folks, with pictures of my German Shepherds, with what a story of, what I did, that I showed, I trained. I think I had pictures of my dogs and my fenced yard, haha. I admit, I'm a little terrified to cold call folks, it's- it's hard for me. I told them I was willing to wait for the right dog to come along. I wanted something healthy, I wanted them to maybe try doing SAR or some dog sport, I wanted to try showing, but- I wanted a blue merle too. Years were fine. If I'm to be honest no one really answered, but I was patient and kept trying. Then I heard from Dona and Sharon, who-- had a litter and a pup that might fit what I wanted. It was way earlier than I expected but I was game. I told them, I loved working dogs, I love thinking dogs, I plan on doing all these things with my dog.

They picked him out for me, and he was everything they said he was right down to when I first met him at the airport and took him home, he snuggled and was calm and observant to everything, confident and thoughtful about his new life. He then snatched his leash in his mouth when I put him down on the lawn and took himself for his walk. I'd been warned he did that. He did it his whole life; he would carry his leash for the first few steps of every walk, just to let you know if he really wanted to, he could yank it out of your hand and do it himself just fine, thanks. He was housebroken in an instant. He only slept in a crate by the bed for less than a month before we found him curled up asleep in the big dog bed at bedtime and took a chance on him staying out and he was oddly perfect. I kept waiting for the terrible rotten teenage stages, but no. Simon never put a foot wrong, you could trust him flat out the house. He never made a mess or got into anything he wasn't supposed to. Period. Never chewed a single thing that wasn't for chewing. He played with my huge Shepherd, brave as could be.

And oh gosh. He loved toys. He loved fetch. Fetch. Ball. Ball. Ball. He was more focused and driven than some of my working line Shepherds I have owned. Way more.

I took a few pictures, posted them for myself on my blog that I'd had the Shepherds on... and was like huh, the camera really likes this little guy.

Little did I know what I'd let out of the box. Once he found that camera though, that was it. Folks ask all the time, did I give him treats? Did I train him to pose? Nope. Never. Not for pictures. I sure encouraged it, but to be honest, his reward was going out and posing on stuff and knowing he was awesome, throwing out his chest and strutting around Seattle like he owned it, taking walks in the woods and the crags and mountains, running through streams and dirt. Mud and filth and full tilt, but you never had to worry about him getting into trouble out there. He stuck close, and always kept an eye on where I was, even as a pup.

Simon snored in the bed. In the middle of the night he'd squish himself as close as possible, put his muzzle over my neck and his heavy, stubby leg over my shoulder and drool. He loved to cuddle. Cake was his favorite special treat in the world. His eyes would get like saucers over cake. I've shared so many dog friendly cakes. You could ask him if he wanted a bath and he'd make a decision on the spot, yes or no and hop himself in the tub on his own accord, which always made me laugh. He could swim like a otter.

I made so many friends from blogs and places that are long gone on the internet. Was overjoyed when I met other Cardigan folks on photo sites and blogs, because at the time you really... you didn't see them at all. Our online photo blog secret Cardi society and all that. My photography hobby and skill improved with him in massive leaps and bounds.

He was an internet star with followers before the net blew up into what it is now. I've thought about that over the years and to be honest, I'm glad it was that way because I got to know so many people on a one to one basis. We never did things specifically for money or fame like I see a lot of now. His fan base was organic and loved him just because he was a funny, expressive, and cool dog. Most of you who follow me didn't start following me for me, and I like that.

It was such a shock to me but a good one - I'm a bit quiet, but here I own this dog that's as extroverted as it gets, and it worked out. I was his faithful Nikon Paparazzi, he was my famous good looking actor. We would go places and people I never met before would ask me about my dog. He was a fantastic breed ambassador. People loved to hear what he was and learn about Cardigans. Many folks randomly recognized him from his blog, from Tumblr, from Flickr. I had people lean out of car windows or walk by us and snap a picture of him. Once I wasn't paying attention and he stopped mid stride when we were out in Seattle, and I nearly fell over him. As I managed to keep my feet (I said some naughty words, heh) I realized that I'd never saw the man leaning out the window with the phone camera in hand at the light by the theater snapping a shot. Simon sure did, and he was chest out, ears up, until the car behind the guy honked and the guy hastily waved at us and went on.

He helped me meet Cardi people, get involved in the breed with folks. I credit his presence for so many of my friends in this breed that I adore and who mean the world to me in Cardidom. Who helped me learn to show again after I lost my eye and was even more stressed about public moments because I didn't want to drop a dog on the floor off the table, or miss a cue. A big blue icebreaker. He oozed charm. He knew he was all that, but in the way that he didn't have to be in your face. Lady dogs loved him, it always cracked me up because he surprisingly wasn't into the girls. He was so easy to deal with around the ladies, and always polite to them. He'd give up food, treats, anything and was a gentleman- well, except when a ball was involved. (Dearest Kate... I'm sorry he ran into you like a Mack truck that one time we were all out playing. We all heard his big noggin crack into you like a football helmet, and he about laid you flat. I hope you get a chance to knock some sense into him in return, in that place where all good dogs go.)

Simon tried showing, because I wanted a show dog to show. To be honest, he has a few points but he never enjoyed it like Caleb. It really wasn't for him. He did it for me, because I wanted it, but his big ol' heart was in agility and fetching things and photographs. His second to final time in the ring still cracks me up to this day. I used a flat collar for agility and photo stuff and a thin chain for conformation. Well, I was in a hurry. I was late to the show, running to find my ring, so I left the flat on him. We whisked by the agility ring and he was totally on his toes and excited and happy and I was like "no, come on, let's GO." Oh boy. That was a mistake. He eyed me, eyed the ring, and gave me an absolute stink look. Simon has always been the sort to tell you he's not amused. He never pulled a punch when he thought you were being unfair. I was an idiot and blew him off because I was running on ring-jitters and coffee and panic because that's what you do sometimes.

So he got in the ring, he's on his toes and looking like a million bucks, gaits, moves out, stacks beautifully on the table and I'm like wow, wow, awesome, she's looking at us and he's showing off for everything he's worth. The judge moves us to the front of our class for the final go around and as we turn the corner in front of the judge's table, Simon looks up at me with an open mouthed sly smile, and I'm like "oh oh." I know I'm in trouble.

Without missing a beat he passes the judge's table right as she watches us go by, hikes his leg as high and obvious as he could and pretends to pee all over it, in mid-stride. He never peed a drop. Like in my horror and shock I kept looking- and there was not anything there. He made full on eye contact with the judge as he was faking it, that rotter.

Needless to say, we uh... well, we were dismissed without uh, getting dismissed, haha. As we left the ring, I looked down at him, he looked up at me and laughed as big as he could, tongue lolling, grin to his ears. He laid it out as clear as he could, and all I could do was walk away to find a place to sit with him, put his big head in my hands and say to him, "Yup. I screwed up. Sorry." He sat and eyed me and then I just laughed and laughed because he was absolutely right. I was rude, I made the mistake. It was my fault, and I apologized and he laughed with me, slurped me, and I was instantly forgiven. He never held a grudge with you for messing up. He really didn't. I never held a grudge with him, because most of the time it wasn't his fault, and when it was, he also apologized. He was easy that way.

That was our relationship in a nutshell. I love my dogs, I love all my dogs but Simon was different, he was as near-human as it gets. I hate saying dogs are human because I think- well, I think it takes away from the dogness that makes the amazing animals that they are. They aren't human, and that's important to respect... but in his case I'll make that exception to myself. I can't explain it. You could ask him to do something new to him, show him what you wanted, and he'd mull it over in his head and problem solve it. Food wasn't a motivator. Ball surprisingly wasn't his motivator either. It was the task, the thing, the puzzle of working the problem out. That's what he enjoyed more than anything. I wish I could say it was me as this amazing dog trainer. Nope. Nada. I've taught a whole lot of dogs to do a whole lot of things, but Simon was a whole other level. I've never had one like him. I'm pretty sure I'll never have one again.

He could do the funniest thing with his feet. Like, when he was just walking around the house he'd shuffle along the floor. You'd hear him scuffling his claws tik-a-ticka, tick-a-ticka. He was lazy and didn't care if you heard him. But- when he wanted to be a ninja, he could pull up his claws and walk effortless on his pads somehow, he was a master of stealth on the hardwood floors and you'd never know he'd gone by. Mostly so could open the gate and climb the cat posts and steal dry cat food in a heartbeat. Even when he was older and couldn't really climb like he used to, he'd stop every time through the back room and wait for his token piece of cat food on the way in from outside. I'd say "One cat food please?" and give him his tribute; only then would he trot out and let me shut the gate. He waited patiently for all the dogs here to leave their bowls and wander off after dinner and then he'd go grab them and stack them in a pile carefully within each other so that he could possibly get one extra crumb that might have been left behind.

He was supposed to be my dog, and he was, he loved me and would do anything for me, but he was Matt's buddy (even if he NEVER listened to him or heeled when walking with him, he'd drag him all over the place and it was both hilarious and awful but hey, that was between men, doing manly things.) He tested anyone who held his leash. It was a game for him, he would look over at me to say, heh, watch this. He found it amusing to see if someone else would actually ask him to mind his manners, and if they did, he would but if you didn't? Game on. He'd never try it with me though. He always loved men more than women when we were out and about. He desired those locker room thumps on the chest and the shoulder, not baby talk, coos, little scritches behind his ears. They watched the Patriots and the Seahawks together since Simon was a tiny puppy. Football season was his thing. Ball ball ball, on tv, to fetch, to play and amuse himself for hours.

I've never shared the last coherent words Matt said to me to a lot of people. I'm sharing them now because I'm sort of laid bare, but I've thought about them for years. It wasn't I love you, or anything like that. We didn't need to say that, because it had been said so many times while he was in hospice. That was understood. It was, "I'm glad for one thing. I won't be here when Simon... goes."

I understood that too. Our weekends of Simon, Caleb, cameras, and outings were such a special and happy part of our lives. Matt was the driver, the equipment wrangler, the one who found weird out of the way places for us to take pictures and then to eat weird food out in the middle of nowhere. He always got a dessert he could share with Si (Caleb isn't really a sweet-toothed dude.) Something we all loved.

Simon knew Matt was gone. He knew. He was depressed and sad and nothing I could say or do or take him out to play could change it. The other dogs adapted, changed, but for months, he kept looking for him. Simon loved me with everything he was and still loved to go out and take pictures with me, but I was not his football buddy, I was not his fellow sports fan. It was when my younger brother moved in with me for a while during the pandemic that changed things again. Simon adored my brother, and when my brother went away on a trip for a week, his anxiety went high. When he came back though, Simon looked at me and I said, "Yep, he'll come back. It's okay, it's not the same." That was it. That's all he needed and it was like a huge sigh and off he went, and was completely okay again after that. He never worried again. My brother is surprisingly not a pet person, but he loved Simon with all of his heart and offered to take him if something happened to me. That was huge. Thanks, bro. I know you meant it and it was a relief for me to know that in case of the unthinkable, he'd be with someone who appreciated him for who he was, obnoxious Simon barking moments and all.

Also, my brother taught him the dumbest game. Shuffling through the kitchen dragging him along as his front paws gripped your feet, splooted with his stubby legs trailing behind him. Not so much thanks for that to my brother- Simon wanted this game every morning before I had coffee. I blearily scooted him every across the kitchen floor morning because while the other dogs rushed outside to pee like normal dogs, Simon would hold it until he had his sliding fun first.

On one hand, he was this hard hitting, incredible working beast of a dog. People would say, "I want a dog like Simon." Well, no, most folks don't. There are very few people who would have loved living with him. Most of them just saw cute pictures and Simon posing. In the wrong home, he would have been terrible, and there were times he was tough to live with - I'm the first to admit it. For me, he was perfect. I loved his drive, his intuition, his bravery, his intelligence, but he never stopped during his whole life and I am grateful he was sharp as ever and still galloping along for the last years. He was as busy and active as he ever was to the end.

He wasn't easy sometimes around other strange dogs. Like, he didn't take crud from anyone or anything. If you were polite, he was polite and shook hands and moved along without fuss, but if you were rude or aggressive (even to another dog, not him) nope. He had no problem laying the law down. Was he fair about it? Absolutely, but he was serious. He did not ever appreciate an in your space, jumping up, untrained dog in the slightest, and had no tolerance for it. People who let unleashed dogs run up to us on a walk were eyed with a side eye and you could see him blow up and hear the low rumble- and if the dog got nasty... oof. Once during a photo session on the beach, Caleb - who was just lying right next to me and not engaging anything - got attacked by a awful loose dog who charged up on us. The owner was completely oblivious and yelling oh, he's friendly. (Of course, right?)

Caleb's no fighter, he just rolled over and was shrieking and being shaken. Simon was playing in the water out from us a bit and while I had dove in, trying to get the dog off of Caleb, Si came in so fast and so hard and so silent he slammed that dog easily twice his size off his feet and knocked him back from us. Simon absolutely thrashed that dog. To this day I swear he teleported. However, he sent that obnoxious dog running for their life and immediately stopped and came back to check on us, standing between us and the dog while staring bullets and laser eyes at it as it went running away back to mommy in the distance.

Simon loved cats though. Adored cats. Cats were his thing. He was the crazy cat dad dog. He would have loved it if we adopted a million cats and he was the one to decide we were keeping his Sophie, period. We had no say in that. She was his kitty, and has been all these years. Kittens, cats, ferals, non ferals, bottle babies, random barn cats, some strange cat on the street, it didn't matter. He loved them all. He never met a cat he didn't like, and cats liked him back. Or at least tolerated him more than most dogs. Even my mom's cat Rudy, who is uh, hard to like. Simon would let a cat hiss, spit, snarl, swipe and all he did was turned his head and waited for them to come to the conclusion that he wasn't dangerous. He raised so many foster kittens for me and taught them to be dog friendly. He adored puppies too. He was the best babysitter, and a combination of fair discipline and goofy play. He was the gentlest dog with food and treats, he had the softest mouth of any dog I've ever owned, he never once snapped at a treat or a person. You could hand him a dollop of frosting and he'd lick it off your fingers ever so carefully. He never got upset at a vet or someone trying to handle him, he was gracious about it.

Like I said, Simon rarely held grudges. Caleb holds grudges at the drop of a hat (oh boy does he ever) but I promise he usually forgets in a week or two. Simon? Not at all with the ones he loved. That's one of the reasons that these two boys have been together all these years so well. Other dogs would have probably buried Caleb in the backyard at times when his stripeyship wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. Sure, they postured, they puffed, sometimes they threw a punch and went to get a beer after, like good ol' boys do, but Simon forgave Caleb for being a doofus and Caleb got away with being a doofus because Simon knew Caleb never meant anything by all of his bluster. We never had a serious drag out fight between them even with girls in season.

Simon adored Caleb and Caleb loved Simon. They were just fine being apart, they weren't attached at the hip, but Simon loved Caleb like you love your little brother and also can sit on him when he's being unreasonable. He was so delighted when we apparently got him his own puppy, and he was a puppy himself at the time. Once after Caleb had been out for a while with a handler to finish his Championship, we went and picked him after like four months. By that time Caleb had been a big shot on an all girl campus and thought he was all that and a bag of chips. Stripey red dog's ego was running high, and Simon was just lying in the back of the car eyeing him with a quiet sigh, like he expected him to chill out anytime soon.

Finally after maybe half an hour of Caleb being unbearably snarky, Simon got up, leaned over, and grabbed Caleb's muzzle in his mouth. He held onto it as if to say "That's enough of that, bro. Manners." He never broke skin, he never hurt him. Just a brotherly dog dope slap.

Caleb realized in one shining lightbulb moment that he was headed back home, and he was way too big for his britches. Just like that, over and done, all was back to being pals. Simon let go, licked him on the head, and they slept in a pile all the way home.

In the end, there's only one thing I weirdly regret a little. Simon's photos won every category in the photo contest at Nationals... except Best In Show. Surprisingly, that was on Caleb and Tempe, but-- I think it's fitting. Si loved his pack here with all of his heart, and I guess he was like eh, they can have that one moment, why not. He was always generous with his toys and treats for the most part with his family of dogs. Except ball. Nope, all balls and toys all belonged to him.

I once went to Seattle with a wonderful friend of mine, Paige. We were taking some photos of Simon and her Cardigan Story. It was chilly and we ducked into a spot by the Bon, I think, to get out of the wind for a second. This young woman came up and asked us about the dogs. When we said their names she looked at us and said, "Simon? THE Simon? From Tumblr?"

Sure. The Simon. Yep. When she realized who it was she erased her friend's wedding pictures off of her phone so she could take pictures of him and herself for her dad who was also a huge fan. (This was when phones had limited storage, so it was a big deal.) I don't know if you're out there on on the net or follow us still, but... I want you to know that's made me smile all these years. Paige and I were walking back when she turned to me and said "I- all these people, know who he is here. Wow. I didn't think when you wrote about it- I was like, huh, no, that can't be real. I thought you were kidding."

I still run into people out there in the wild like that. It tickles me as much as it did the first time.

The Simon.

That sums him up. I have had a lot of dogs. He- he wasn't a dog. Well, he was, because yes, he did dog things, like pushed a chair across a room to pee on my kitchen table once as a young dog because he hated a Cardgian statue I'd placed on it. He ran off with an admiring posse of Cardi girls at a friend's house who showed him the grossest mud ever and rolled in it until he was black. It turned to concrete on his coat and stunk the back of my car up so bad we had to strip everything out because it smelled like swamp on hot days for months. He barked at full volume at the top of his lungs at the drop of a hat just to hear his own voice to the point where sometimes his name felt like Simon Shut Up, Dude. He fetched like a maniac. He loved his jolly balls until they turned into strips and refused the new ones until he had no choice but to give in and then he loved those to scraps. Also, he barked. He had to tell you every single day of his life about how his day was. Did I mention he barked? I think so.

He had the best bork. A roaring superbark from his chest, like a dog ten times his size. He used it all the time. It's so quiet right now here. It'll be quiet when we get up in the morning from now on, and when I come home from work because he led the morning chorus we're awake joy bark, and the evening song of you're home joy bark, and his bark was always one trumpeting about every thing he did. Simon Sez.

He was my best friend. I loved him. With everything I am, and the dogs and cats here loved him too. I'm absolutely shattered right now, and I have so much more I could say, but this is long and I need to stop because I could go on forever. Fifteen years with a friend and all the ups and downs and roads we've traveled and experiences we've had can't be summed in a Facebook post, but I've done the best I can. The short pack and I don't know what to do this morning. This is a huge hole- no, a chasm. I don't think it's the sort you ever fill up.

Thank you to Dr. Bill Larson and his wonderful staff took incredible care of him all these years from puppy until now, and all the other amazing vets and specialists who ever worked with him and kept him healthy and happy.

Thank you Sharon, thank you Dona, for trusting me with Simon for all these years and always checking in on us and being proud of your grandpup. I can't ever say thank you enough for taking a chance on me for my first Cardigan. I like to say we sometimes don't get the dogs we want, but we always get the ones we need. However, he was everything I could have ever wanted and needed in one wonderful dog. I'm ever so grateful for the fact that until the very last minute, he was active and playing and sharp as a tack.

Thank you, all of you who shared his life with me. So many of you love Cardigans or found Cardigans as a breed because of him. I can name a lot of you, and I appreciate from the bottom of my heart hearing all these stories of your dogs and your life with them. These wonderful dogs deserve it. There is no other breed I want in my life.

Thank you, Si for everything. Everything.

You were one of a kind. The absolutely perfect crazy blue merle dog that my inner little kid could have ever, ever wished for.

[cyberrat]

77th Batch Of Fics: 3rd Fill

Hanzo/Cassidy – cont B75F7 – Part ¼ – A/B/O; alpha!Cassidy, alpha!Hanzo; dub con; toys; fake knotting – Hanzo might have gotten addicted to fucking around with Alphas. Ooops.

---

Hanzo’s… discussions with Mister Cole Cassidy are about to come to an end. Which is all well and fine. They have spent almost a fortnight in this hotel, trying to iron out the particulars of what a partnership between Deadlock and the Shimada Clan might be able to look like.

He does not really know what they end up discussing. His thoughts keep shifting toward that night in the supply closet. To the easy way in which this old Alpha offered himself up to be mounted and bred by him. To how good it had felt to grunt fuck this man and not have to hold back.

There hasn’t been anything else happening, though. Where Hanzo had at first been worried that Cassidy might be blundering and bumbling and get them both killed, he had to find out that he is entirely too good at pretending like nothing at all has happened. He’s still jovial and still very… touchy-feely, but other than that, he keeps to himself.

All the while his mere scent is driving Hanzo wild. He finds himself leaning into the older Alpha, head tilted to subtly scent his neck, or get a whiff of his body odor. He can feel it sliding down the back of his tongue, warm and fragrant.

He wants it again. He wants him again; and Cassidy denying him like this is hitting him harder than he would like to admit.

Hanzo Shimada never gets denied. He gets whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. And if it is a hairy, stinking brute of an Alpha that is already amassing gray pubes and wrinkles, then he will have him.

There are no guards stationed outside of his room. Of course there aren’t. Deadlock isn’t as sophisticated a group as the Shimada Clan. Their slutty outreach Alpha doesn’t amount to anything inside their hierarchy, that much is obvious to him.

He picks the lock and slips inside before anybody walking past behind him, amiably talking is even aware that he does not, in fact, have a keycard for the room.

He pulls the door shut behind him and cuts out the din of conversation. All that is left are the soft moans floating out of the open bedroom door. Hanzo’s mouth runs dry, the base of his cock tingling distractingly. He remembers Cassidy’s words from two weeks ago. How casually he commented on him not having knotted.

They have been circling his brain obsessively. He’s been dreaming about it. Of that dingy little space, suffocatingly hot and filled with the old Alpha’s stench… and him rabbit fucking away and knotting that tight Alpha whole wrapped so perfectly around him.

The closer he comes to the bedroom, the more clearly he can hear wet slicking sounds mixing in with those throaty, low moans. Does Cassidy have company? Is he fucking a little Omega bitch while Hanzo is driving himself mad with lust over another Alpha?

Hackles raising, he takes his last step into the doorframe to see that… no. There is nobody else in the room. Just Cassidy on the bed, deliciously naked with his ass nice and high in the air.

It seems to be a preferred position for him. Submitting himself. Debasing himself as an Alpha by showing off everything that he has to offer.

His fat breeder balls are right there between his muscular thighs; swinging gently as he fucks himself with a toy.

Hanzo swallows thickly. His heart is pumping fast in his chest as he watches Cassidy spear a fake cock into his juicy Alpha cunt. The fake slick he’s used to somehow squeeze the toy inside himself is glistening liberally around his hole, the hair sticking wet to his skin.

He truly is a whore. He had not just been pretending for Hanzo’s sake. For the sake of the symbiosis of their organizations. He really is into getting his hole fucked. Into pressing his chest against whatever surface is available, trying to get his ass up nice and high-

Hanzo’s arm shoots out to the side, fist slamming on the lightswitch. He can’t see properly. The lighting in this room is just as bad as it had been in the supply closet and he needs to properly see this unfolding. He needs to see every little graying hair curling on the old bastard’s body.

Cassidy flinches as the light suddenly turns on. He has trouble coordinating his body what with his shoulders against the mattress and his arm thrust between his thighs to hold the toy.

“What the-”

His wrist starts to go lax, the fake cock beginning to slip out of his glistening, grasping hole…

Hanzo is on him in a second. A low, warning growl spilling forth, he grabs the base of the cock and rams it back inside Cassidy deep as it will go.

The old Alpha grunts, his back arching down, though not to present this time. His muscles coil; he looks ready to fight back; so Hanzo grabs his wrist and pulls his arm even further between his legs, hobbling him completely.

“The fuck are you-” the strained growl cuts off suddenly once Cole manages to turn his head enough to peer behind him. “...Shimada?”

“Don’t look so surprised. You must have known that I would come and get what is mine sooner or later,” Hanzo replies, forcing his voice into a steady, silky cadence. He doesn’t want Cassidy to know how excited he is for this. He doesn’t want him to know that his cock is already drooling into his underwear, his knot unformed but tingling.

Oh and speaking of knot… He can feel buttons against his his palm. He slowly lets go, watching the fake dick slide back out of Cassidy’s clenching insides. He can see the button that is there for vibrations… and he can see one that is clearly labeled ‘inflation’.

He swallows thickly. Grabbing a hold of the toy to stop it from completely slipping out of Cassidy’s body, thumb slowly dragging over the body.

“An inflatable toy… you really like it, don’t you? Getting fucked and dominated by Alphas.”

Cassidy closes his eyes and turns his head away again, exhaling roughly. His rigid body begins to relax once more, the arm that Hanzo is still holding on to tightly stops trying to pull away from him as he just accepts that he is not going to get out of this.

He is submitting to Hanzo beautifully and the rush of endorphins that produces inside him, seeing this older Alpha go all but belly up for him is really getting to his head. He lets go of Cassidy’s wrist and starts to open up his pants.

“‘Course I like it… I love it, even,” Cole murmurs. His deep voice is rumbling through the bed. He’s so sturdy, so much Alpha that it is giving Hanzo whiplash about how into this he seems to be. “I love it so much that I’m wonderin’ when you’ll start fuckin’ me again with that toy… cause I got myself nice and high on it and I really want to shoot my load an’ get it nice an’ deep into this mattress before I leave the hotel tomorrow.”

Hanzo swallows thickly. He starts to fuck Cassidy on the toy; a smooth back-and-forth motion, nothing big, nothing wild – as his thumb keeps idly rubbing across that innocuous little button on its base.

Cole groans, his knees shifting apart a little more. Opening himself up for the fucking.

“Yeah… damn, that’s the ticket. Got a service top in ya after all, huh?”

Hanzo’s mouth twitches. While the praise is getting him surprisingly warm and tingly inside, he can’t very well have his reputation be tarnished, now, can he?

“We’ll see about that,” he drawls – then presses the button.

[unwoundcorridors]

prompt #18: horses

pairing: andromeda/luna word count: 527

content warning: mention of past animal abuse (no details)

❈ written for @sapphicmicrofics ❈

—

She still remembered coming out to the stables of Black Manor with her sisters decades ago, and while most of her memories of it all were pleasant, Andromeda wished that she could forget Bella finding sick humour in abusing the Aethonan horses their father had bought for them as little girls. She and Narcissa had always done their level best to stop their eldest sister, and most of the time it had worked.

Yet… she wished she had done more. It was a common theme in her life, Andromeda thought as her fingertips trailed over the stall gate, finding more dust from years upon years of disuse. She almost wished she could... start over, somehow, however impossible it was.

The faint sound of light footsteps behind her didn’t pull her away from her own meandering thoughts, but when the light touch of a hand drifted down her forearm, Andromeda pulled her hand back and flexed her fingers, a slight, pleasurable shudder running through her from the welcome contact.

“My father knows of a breeder,” Luna said, and Andromeda—still not completely used to her airy, almost detached manner of speaking at times—waited just a few seconds longer, expecting the younger witch to extrapolate. However, when Luna only stared at her unblinkingly, Andromeda finally allowed herself to exhale the lingering tension within her and took a jab at continuing where Luna’s words might have led.

“I’m not sure if it's best to try again, and Narcissa…”

Luna tilted her head. “Draco has talked about his mother perusing the magical creatures sections of various newspapers.” She hummed, casting her gaze over the stable before looking back at Andromeda. “The last time we visited, while on my way back from the loo, I saw that she had circled a few Aethonan advertisements.”

Andromeda’s eyes widened. “Oh, she did?”

“I can show you my memory of it if you would like,” Luna responded, as nonchalant as if she had simply offered a glass of water to her.

Waving her hand dismissively, Andromeda instead took Luna’s hands in her own and rubbed her thumbs over the woman’s skin. “That’s not needed, Luna. Not at all. But…” She leaned forward, dipping her chin a little in the process, and pressed a kiss to her partner’s lips. “You’ve given me another reason to visit Cissa again now.”

Luna, cheeks flushed, said softly, “Perhaps it is best that only you go.”

“Oh?”

“Your sister might not appreciate that I pried.”

Shoulders falling a little, Andromeda ran her fingers through Luna’s wavy, pale blonde hair—much paler than her sister’s honeyed blonde colour. “Oh, sweetheart, Narcissa will only be mortified that she left anything about to even pry into. She’s not like your old housemates. If there’s anything Cissa appreciates now, it’s people who speak the truth to her, however painful or revealing it might be. Have I told you how our first meeting after the war went?”

The other witch’s eyes brightened with curiosity. “No, you haven’t.”

Taking Luna’s hand in her own, Andromeda began to walk them towards another area of her old childhood home’s gardens, the tale spilling from her lips easily.

[loststarphounix]

Soudam Week 2023 - Day 4: Dark Deva’s

A/N - I saw what you did with the day prompt; very clever lol

had some difficulty with this and I wrote this during my hour lunch (which was actually 30 after getting food), so apologies for the rushness

based on that one chapter from CrazyNeko’s Soudam ABO

“Um….Hello?” Kazuichi looked at the tiny ball of white and tannish fur that is currently taking residence in his beanie.

The hamster just blinked up at him, nose twitching. He’ll admit that it looked appropriately adorable, but he was stumped over what to do next.

It wasn’t every day you woke up to find that somehow a tiny rodent snuck into your dorm and  snuggled in your hat. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was supposed to do.

A tiny sneeze echoed in the air and without thinking, he said. “Bless you.”

Looking back down, he noticed that the beanie was completely covered in fur and….why was it dark? And -was that a pink thing; and it was  moving!?

Eyes widening, he dove down to the floor and with gently hands, cupped them around the soft fabric. Feeing the wet material under his palms, he winced. So that ruled that out.

With much care as he could muster, he slowly shuffled over to his bed and gently placed his precious bundle on the bed. He made sure that the comforter was firmly placed and separating the wet hat, and the bed sheets.

After making sure that San-D was comfortable, he took out his phone and ignoring the group chat that was still pining with notifications, the pink hair teen pressed a thumb on one contact and put it up to his ear.

When the phone clicked, he spoke over Gundham’s indignation before he could go into his flowery talk.

“Your hamster gave birthed in my room and ruined my beanie.”

It didn’t take long for the other to rush to his room and see that, indeed, his fierce Dark Deva had given birth to nearly a baker’s dozen of future demons. Kazuichi watched as the other puttered around his room, cradling the ruined beanie like it was swaddled child.

Well, he can admit that it was kinda true.

“Such strong warriors. You should be proud, my Silver Fox San-D.” Gundham said, he’ll nearly cooed as he held the small hamster family to his chest.

“They are kinda cute.” When you got over the fact that they were naked, pink little blobs. And it made the breeder break into a pleased smile, and that was a plus.

Gundham looked more approachable when he smiled.

“How did she even get in here?” He asked, face warming slightly at the thought.

“My Dark Deva’s are masters of secrecy. Perhaps she simply hid on your vessel and waited for the optimal time to deliver her brood.”

“…huh,” That made sense, he thinks.

The Deva’s seemed to like him a bit more now, so he’s gotten used to them hitching a ride on his shoulders or hair. For her to come into his room and give birth in his beanie, showed a lot of trust. A warm glow warmed him at the thought and he smiled.

“You know this means I get visitation rights.” He demanded as the breeder began to walk out. “You can’t keep me away from my grandkids!”

He thought the joke was funny, but the breeder nearly stumbled and fell. Kazuichi reached out a steadying hand, gripping his arm.

“S-sorry sorry!”

“To make such a bold proclamation-!”

“It was just a joke!”

[keen-umbreon]

I asked my officer about Alum when he came in to ask me questions about Lum and the goop. He handcuffed me to my chair and Interpol came in.

Apparently Alum was arrested during my trial when he tried to rescue me, escaped police custody a few years back, and was leading a Team Neo Plasma cell that started calling themselves Team Phase.

Interpol had some psychics try to interrogate Lum, and everytime they mentioned Alum, Plasma, Phase or showed or talked about the footage or anything related, Lum just shut down and either panicked or went catatonic. The poor Leafeon is traumatized.

And Alum’s been completely missing since a few days ago, where he released a transmission to Interpol. I’m not allowed to see the transmission but they did let me see some pictures. And I am legally allowed to upload these ones.

Alum - He was in a lab, threatening humanity with something, and he did something with a big crystal and a pond and a laser and then a blinding multicolored light and sounds happened. Most of the footage was corrupted by it, apparently. I think Interpol is keeping details of whatever he did from me so I won’t try to join him or something. I'm also extremely hazy on the details, I'm sleep deprived and my hands still are tingley from the goop and Interpol I think is being purposefully confusing with those details that they have given me.

this is what footage they were able to recover from the cameras, of the light

Interpol managed to track down the lab location and apparently it - the entire area just broke. All of it was just. Just grass and rock walls in the shape of a building, and the area doesn’t even look real anymore. With a lot of nonnative Pokémon in the area that ran away or tried to fight Interpol anytime they got near. Interpol said the area was “dimensionally destabilized”. The longer the Interpol agents were there, the more the plants and trees started to move around them. And the less and less the actual buildings existed.

Interpol said that when the buildings had finally disappeared, the area was completely changed. In front of Interpol was this doorway like branch arch.

When they went inside it, the world around them changed into a maze with a lot of pokemon that would fight them or just up and run away from them. Aggressive, more so than normal, or extremely timid, again more so than usual. almost like the pokemon that we'd rescue from abusive trainers when we were in plasma.

At the end was this weird glowing pond. The colors constantly shift, and the layout of the trees and plants change. Interpol said the pond seems to be a focus point for the destabilization, allowing it to exist in our reality and it’s own without harming either. The closer the agents got to the pond the brighter it glowed.

the goop from lum looks exactly like the pond goop

When they turned to leave the way they came, they were somehow teleported to the outside of the branch arch doorway thing instead of back in the maze.

With all of the Pokemon in it, I think that they might be from Alum. I hope they aren't from Alum. If he experimented on any of those Pokémon, then I am going to find him and punch him myself. If Alum hurt Lum, then I am going to find them even if he’s dead or in some sort of freaky dimension rift bouffalant dung and hurt him like we used to do in Plasma to mill breeders.

Whatever Interpol needs to find him, I’ll do. I need Alum. And if he hurt even a single Pokémon to do whatever things he did, then I will drag him to the Distortion World with me.

[not-bcring]

He’s spent the whole day looking for one of his dark devas, the little rascal having run off when he wasn’t looking. It was unusual, it hadn’t happened before, and Gundham certainly wasn’t taking it well at all. High and low, in every nook and cranny, he simply couldn’t find them anywhere. But oh the amount of relief upon his face when he finally saw them within the others hands  // @ anyone ur feeling cause my brain can’t decide 🫠

-  ✩   「 @stcries 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」   When Kazuichi had first caught sight of the lone hamster, he had immediately started looking around for the ‘ Overlord ’ meant to be accompanying it. But no matter where he turns— the mechanic practically spinning in a circle in his efforts —he doesn’t see hide nor hair of the breeder. Brows knitting and stomach knotting with worry uncertainty, Kaz bites his bottom lip and looks back at the furry escapee. His somersaulting guts tell him to leave the creature alone. Practically SCREAM for him too... Not that he’s scared of it. 

Okay, maybe a little... but he still wouldn’t use the word scared. More like, nervous. Wary. Of its sharp little teeth and scratchy little claws and the deceptively-cute face that attempts to lure people in close enough to put those dangerous features to work. Kaz has never had much contact with animals, thanks to his father not seeing any point to it. Still, he can’t just pretend he didn’t SEE it. What if something happened to it? It’d be his fault.

Squatting down, he awkwardly extends a hand, moving slowly to try and avoid scaring the hamster away... As if any mere mortal could scare Maga-Z. 

— ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ — ✩ —

By the time the hamster— Kaz can’t remember its name, so he internally refers to it as The Bitey One —is safely cupped in the palm of his hand, his finger is marred with several bites. Marks that show how stubborn the mechanic was in his quest to pick up the furry demon. Grumbling curses to himself as he irritably looks at the now calmed hamster in his hold, gaze snaps up with a start when he hears someone approaching. Nearly jumping out of his skin, Kazuichi huffs with embarrassment annoyance when he sees it’s Gundham. 

❝  HEY! Keep better track of your pets!  ❞  Despite his confrontational tone, Kaz’s hands lightly shake. Careful not to drop the hamster, but still clearly nervous. One can hardly blame him. Gundham isn’t the type of guy most people would want to get too close to... Let alone someone as jumpy as Kaz. Despite this, the mechanic waits for the other to come over, the relief on Gundham’s face not going unnoticed. Somehow, no matter how much his common sense hates him for it, Kaz can’t help but feel like that relief makes the pain of getting the hamster back all worth it... and god, was it a PAIN. 

Doesn’t mean he’s not pissed at Gundham for making him go through this in the first place though. 

❝  What if something had happened to this li’l guy?  ❞  Kaz chastises, knowing that was probably the only thing running through Gundham’s mind as he searched but unable to keep from saying it.  ❝  ... The other three wouldn’t let you hear the end of it.  ❞  He mutters in a guilt-driven attempt to soften the earlier statement, unwittingly playing along with Gundham’s apparent ability to ‘ communicate ’ with his Devas.   「 ☆ 」 

[darkwood-sleddog]

the vitriolic hate of the anti-crossbreeding, especially anti doodle people, is the screech of a dying creature that knows it's finished, that knows it cannot stop what's happening, but hopes if it screams loud enough it might stop killing itself faster.

[for-whom-the-bell-tolled]

What every (current) Pittsburgh Penguin will do once they retire, based 100% off of vibes

Jason Zucker: that “help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” life insurance commercial

John Marino: race car driver. he will be sponsored by chips ahoy and he will be shockingly good. later a scandal will come out where he admits he never got his license or learned to drive, all his driving experience comes from those driving games at the arcade.

Bryan Rust: laser tag employee.

Kris Letang: modeling. he will appear in cologne/Armani commercials forever but (hopefully) gets his start doing underwear modeling

Evan Rodrigues: dog breeder. specifically huskies. he will be shockingly good at it and end up with a husky breeding empire. people will come from thousands of miles away and be on six month waiting lists to get one of these adorable little puppies.

Jeff Carter: carts will try his hand at lots of different things. shampoo commercials, bud light platinum ads, hiring a team of researchers to try and find a way to re-grow teeth, etc. he will eventually settle down but decide he needs more from life and run for head of the PTA board at a local K-8 school. he will win in a landslide.

Casey DeSmith: he will first take a gap year to travel the world playing disc golf. he will return a father and end up being the hot single PTA dad that all the PTA moms are deeply in love with. somehow he and carts will be on the PTA at the same school. they did not coordinate this at all.

Jake Guentzel: spokesperson for the milkshake factory. he will star in a commercial where is is forced to lip sync and dance to that song about the milkshakes bringing all the boys to the yard. it will be hilarious.

Chad Ruhwedel: chad will own a gourmet salad food truck. all of the vegetables will be home grown and the food truck will be solar powered.

Kasperi Kapanen: will settle down as a humble vegetable farmer. he will supply runwedel’s food truck and also make a corn maze every year.

Teddy Blueger: will run for office as a joke and end up winning. he will actively try and get himself impeached but whatever he tries backfires and ends up making him look like a great president when in reality he just did it as a dare.

Brian Boyle: will run a non-profit cat cafe/bookshop where 100% of the proceeds go towards cancer research.

Louis Domingue: baking, obviously, then go on to found and host 17 seasons of a hit TV show where former pro athletes have to make dainty pastries + spicy pork and broccoli.

Brian Dumoulin: dumo will go on to be a tiktok chef. every video will unintentionally be a thirst trap. he will also be a contestant on the first season of louis’ show.

Rickard Rakell: olympic table tennis champion.

Danton Heinen: will be mistaken for a crime boss and used by the fbi as a doppelgänger for a sting operation. he will return a national hero.

Mike Matheson: high school history teacher. will also be roped into coaching the football team, even though he doesn’t know anything about football.

Evgeni Malkin: will join the nhl tnt crew. he will be a boisterous and very entertaining presence. he will try and fight wayne gretzky at least once just to say that he fought wayne gretzky.

Sidney Crosby: will take a break for a while, occasionally guest starring on tnt alongside geno. then will take over as head coach of the pens once sully retires. he saves his excitement for the ice. (iykyk)

Marcus Pettersson: his nickname is ‘the dragon,’ apparently, so he’ll either be a mascot or will own a fantasy themed mini golf place. possibly both.

Brock McGinn: youth hockey coach. he will get really, really into it and consistently win the league. he achieves this feat by making the 7-10 year olds go a ridiculous amount of drills.

Tristan Jarry: will somehow end up as head coach of the boston bruins. his first order of business will be to tape up signs saying “how about that f*cking save?!” all around the locker room.

[nativeofsumeru]

Genshin Guys Modern Equestrian AU! (Part 1)

A/N: lots of horse terms that I will admit Im too lazy to write it all out. Also some i was more excited to write than others(*cough cough* Albedo-).

Aether: international competitor

-he’s always traveling the world going to big competitions, getting lost along the way

-it’s just him, his camper and his horse

Albedo: horse breeder

-he loves working with foals and any baby horse coming out of his barn is going to become a champion

-he handles each foal from a young age so that they’re prepared for proper training and the real world

-he’s super sweet with each baby and each mare gets a proper pampering before and after giving birth

-don’t mess with his mares or babies, you’ll be very sorry

-he loves to come to his barn everyday and his play with the foals 

-I’m sure he has his own stallion that he jumps and takes to competitions out of town

-He does Jumpers (around 1.2 meters) and has a decent standing

-every once and a while he’ll enter a Grand Prix

Arataki Itto: riding is not something he does competitively nor does he care much for it

-he likes to get on a horse every now and then but it’s just for fun

-he’s not an expert in the slightest and sometimes has trouble staying on

-gallops in the beach, or trail rides he’ll probably do

-if an experienced rider saw him rider they would need a couple stress toys

Bennett: Pony Hunter Jumper

-has his own bucksokpony and goes to local horse shows

-he loves it so much, it is so much fun for him

-he has a large pony and jumps anywhere from 2ft to 2ft 6in

-he always goes around the ring beautifully but his bad luck kicks in on the last jump, whether he has a bad distance or knocks the rail down or the pony gets spooked, it’s always near the very end

-his pony will follow him around sometimes if it can and always loves on him

-it’s the only creature that somehow stays in tact even with all his bad luck

Chongyun: he does liberty and free riding

-he has a couple pure white horses he works with and a black Freisian that he lightly rides and does tricks with

-sometimes he’ll do performances at competitions

-he loves his horses so much

-his Friesian is the horse he’s had for the longest time, he practically raised that thing from birth and it loves him to pieces

-the Friesian knows the most tricks

-expect to see Chongyun just chilling in his horse’s stall doing homework or just going stuff

Gorou: Eventing

-leases a gelding and goes to international competitions if he qualifies

-he’s in the preliminary(3ft 7in) preparing for intermediate(3ft 9in) level 

-does best in cross country

Kazuha: Horse Whisperer

-probably does some  liberty too

-doesn’t compete

-he probably rides tackless every once in a while

-people pay him to “talk” to their horses and somehow there is always major improvement in the horse’s and rider’s overall well-being afterwards

-he has one horse he does everything with and is barely ever separated from

-his horse lives basically in his backyard, he loves that thing

Kaeya: Equestrian Clothing model

-he used to often ride(equitation) and be very competitive and well known

-now, he shows off and models equestrian clothes for magazines and online stores

-nsfw shoots with horses? He’d do those too

-female riders know who he is and what he looks like, he’s a heartthrob

Ayato: English Riding Horse Instructor

-he inherited the family stables, they are very prestigious and many of the richest take lessons and keep their horses with him

-he does out of town horse shows and many of his riders win multiple times

-he taught Ayaka everything she knows in her discipline

-he even teaches people who don’t ride at his stables

-he’s well versed with Jumpers, Hunter Jumper, Equitation, and Dressage(but he only ever taught Ayaka)

Razor: Groom

-he’s not very educated and he works as a stable groom cleaning horses, cleaning out stalls, picking up poop, sweeping, etc.

-he really wants to ride and is jealous of those who do

-he has one horse that is his favorite and he’ll always make sure he does any chore related to that horse

-he watches lessons through the windows when he works and always loves watching the horses go around

-he’s very good at his job and doesn’t mind it even if he ends the day covered in filth, he feels at home

Tartaglia: he leases expensive horses and makes bank from them 

-He uses that money to buy other more expensive horses

-he does Jumper competitions every so often

-he owns his own personal stallion(that horse is massive) that he jumps super high with

Thoma: Right Hand Stableman of the Kamisato Stables

-he’s basically the barn manager

-Ayato brings him to every horse competition to help manage and stay on top of things

-Thoma himself doesn’t ride but he likes horses and every single one seems to love him somehow

-he always carries little treats and mints with him and sneak them to the horses when he can

-everybody knows Thoma and everybody loves Thoma, not one person has said anything bad about him

-nothing gets lost and Thoma is sure to set Ayato’s mental schedule straight 

-he loves his job however he does work a little too much, he’s too nice to ask Ayato to hire more help, he’s also nervous said help will not do thing shut particular way Ayato would like it

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

I've seen a lot of BNHA Pokémon AUs actually so here's my Pitch:

1) It's a full Pokémon world, no quirks, but the mutants do have mutant appearances (think of it like in Dragon Ball, where there are earthlings who are literally dog people and no one bats an eye).

2) Story is set in the Kibatsuna (Quirk) Region. In this region, the local Pokémon League has been outsourced to the Pokémon Public Safety Commission, a regulatory government body that oversees Pokémon gym battles and training license, making this region far more strict on Pokémon ownership than other regions allowing 10 years old to run around with enslaved gods.

3) Every children will be granted ONE egg by the commission at birth. This government provided egg will then be their ONE allowed Pokémon, which they will be unable to use in battle or for anything else but companionship, unless they get their training licence or submit to certain jobs (such as working crews being allowed to use Pokémon for their work).

4) Midoriya Izuku got his egg. Midoriya Izuku's Egg never hatched. He spent years to tend and care for it, and yet not even a peep ever came. The Pokémon Breeder, the grandfather of one of his kindergarden schoolmates, shakes his head at Izuku's tears. The egg is dead, and will never hatch, no matter how much Izuku tries.

5) Now, Izuku is devastated. He's always wanted to become a Pokémon trainer, to befriend so many Pokémon in his journeys, but his starter never showed up for him, and without a starter, he can't even think of getting a trainer licence, but without a training licence, he can't get more Pokémon.

6) This leads if course to the bullying, to cruel kids using their Pokémon on a defenceless Izuku, to "teach him a lesson" for looking them in the eye, or for daring to get into tall grass, chief among them Bakugou Katsuki and his angry, violent Charmander, a twisted mirror of his own angry, violent trainer.

7) Still, Izuku doesn't despair. He's planning to get The provisional trainer licence, one granted to students at Pokémon High Schools for the duration of his stay there, would allow him to get up to the standard 6 Pokémon, even if it would have some progressively lifted restrictions over level caps or box space of course. All he needs to do is to get into UA, the top Pokémon School in the region for Training, Pokémon Professoring, Breeding and Item Making, and get inside their top of the line Trainer Courses.

8) In the course of his 3 years there he would be able to complete his Pokémon journey and get a shot at the title of Pokémon master, currently help by the Elite 10 Champion, All Might.

9) Still, even knowing the UA training entrance exam wouldn't require him to use his Pokémon, even knowing UA gave every new student an Eevee on enrollment, Izuku is terrified. After all, he has zero experience on catching and training Pokémon, and his only contact with them has always been with his Mother's starter, her Mrs Mime, and Bakugou's violent Charmander, so he's starting from Zero while everyone else has known all their lives how to handle their Pokémon...

10) He needs a mentor, he thinks, his egg, bright in colour, taking his only slot on his team, still in her backpack. He needs experience, as he stares from a bench at the trash filled beach in front of him, filled with Grimers and Trubbishes. He needs someone that can teach him the ropes, someone trustworthy, someone nice and patient, someone who knew the true meaning of the word Pokémon Training...

11) An ice cream truck stops right behind Izuku's bench, opening shop. A short figure with a large afro, thick sun glasses, an even larger mustache, and an Alohan shirt jumps down, advertising their miracle Ice Cream for the very few beach goers on the pier.

He has an incredibly thick New York Accent. Which is weird, because New York doesn't exist in this world.

12) An enthusiastic Wobbuffet is somehow shoving ice cream into Izuku's hands as Izuku is now moping near the truck. He's their only customer, a testament of the trash filled beach, and the surprisingly nice couple (?) Is listening to his moping, even giving him some words of encouragement, telling him how it doesn't matter if his egg never hatched, they are sure he'd be a fantastic Pokémon trainer one day, and Izuku can't help but feel this strange, warm feeling in his chest, at the thought that someone is actually believing in him.

13) Izuku gets accidentally recruited by Team Rocket. Giovanni sent them to the region for the usual reasons, to get them out of his hair, and also to act as failsafe in case another world ending legendary showed up, as they usually do, and both Jessie and James can see a lot of each other in the kid, as does Meowth, who moved to tears by his story of sad abuse by his peers, decides to take matters into his own hands.

14) The Boss is a powerful man, and he can recognize an asset when he sees it. Surely, a plant in the most prestigious trainer school in the region would be favourable for Team Rocket grand plans would it not? All they need is for him to pull some strings, as a members of Kanto's own Gym Leaders, practically a member of the governing body, to grant him a provisional trainer licence for a second Pokémon. Some kids do have those after all, the sons and daughters of the rich and the powerful, such as the youngest son of the Number 2 member of the Elite 10, so why shouldn't their new asset have so too?

15) Giovanni, obviously, doesn't comply, because he hates them and thinks everything they do is a waste of resources and time, but then he sees the file Meowth sent him, hackered from the Commission database, the kid's egg certificate, the one containing his name...

Midoriya Izuku.

The same name as that trainer, from 14 years before, who took the Kanto Region by storm, and who stole his heart, and also wiped the floor with him while she was at it.

A boy that looked so familiar to him.

16) Giovanni manages to get Izuku a second Pokémon licence. In record speed too. Jesse and James can't even believe it when they learn the news from an astounded and ecstatic Izuku, finally able to get a Pokémon, scarfing down ice cream none the wiser as his new friends congratulate him, as Meowth gloats without anyone knowing why.

17) He overanalyzes, thinking hard about what Pokémon he should catch first, what would better help him as a starter, but fate decides for him. One of the Trubbishes smacks his ice cream from his hands to eat it, but hits his pokeball, his ONE pokeball, the only pokeball he could buy, which flies high, missing the trubbishes, the Grimers, the wingulls and rattatas, and lands squarely in a puddle of stagnant water...

In which a lonely Magikarp is happily spashing about.

At least it's a Shiny.

18) Elation leads to devastation. How can Izuku even consider himself a trainer, with a Magikarp as a starter? It only knows splash, and can't learn any other move for a long while. Team Rocket is equally distraught, because that's just their rotten luck, but the three don't lose their verve! Yes it's unlucky, but they survived worse odds, and so can their new accomplice, even with Izuku unaware as he is of their real identity, he'll just need to train his Magikarp till he becomes a Gyarados and he's more than fine.

19) He has 10 months till the entrance exam. Can he achieve a working Pokémon by then, to use as he tries to capture as many Pokémon as possible released within the testing area? To impress the judges with his skills?

20) And will Team Rocket get hired by lunch rush as the local cooks? Who the heck knows, it's not like I'm writing this.

21) (Deep underground, an evil Pokémon professor is committing terrible experiments, fusing humans and Pokémon into monstrous Nomus).

22) (his master, the once champion of the region, is waiting, bidding his time, as his protege trains his monstrous Pokémon for battle)

23) (He stole so many pokemons in his life time. It's time to make use of then for his revenge against the man who stole his title, his brother's legacy, his last rival).

24) Pokémon UA is simple: Students have access to the facilities and lessons, as well as training licences, a Safari zone, and so on, but they'll need to get their badges for themselves from one of the COUNTLESS Licensed Gyms in the region. Once one has a Gym Badge for EVERY type specialization by the end of the 3 years, they'll get a shit at the Pokémon League and the Elite 10, the champion All Might at the top.

25) Izuku's team:

1: Unatched Golden Egg, what might it contain? (the answer is, of course, Mew, the first Pokémon, reborn like a phoenix after a couple decades in slumber, passed inside this false egg, ready to wake up just at the most dramatic time... Not that that's happening any time soon).

2: Magikarp. Believe it or not, he is a stubborn bastard who likes being a Magikarp, so he denies Izuku's attempts at evolving it. At least, however, he learns Flail, which leads to Izuku devising a strategy where his Magikarp almost destroys himself in a suicide attack before flailing opponents to death. Finally evolves during the Chie Isekai fight, to save Eri and Ceiebi, whom he has grown to care for, turning into a gigantic Gyarados and blasting his enemies with an impromptu Hyper Beam, right as he splashed himself between Overhaul's attack, fused as he is with his Pokémon, and the little girl.

3: a weak Zubat, considered by most an annoying pest unworthy of a pokeball, with which Izuku bonds during the entrance exam, even if he doesn't capture it, after he finds him and his family beaten up by other competitors that didn't even capture them. He wastes precious time healing them with his items, the youngest Zubat remembering this as he sneaks his way into Izuku's pokeballs, without the kid even noticing, to give him at least some points for his actions... Not knowing about the secret scoring the teachers are using right now. Evolves into Crobat at high friendship so...

4: Gigantic Golurk, captured during the Entrance Exam, his only conscious capture actually, earns him a spot in anyway because it was rampaging causing everyone to run amuck and almost squashed Uraraka and her Abra and Izuku had to do something so he literally threw his useless Magikarp at him to get his attention before throwing his last pokeball at it, capturing it on the spot. Can't really release it indoors.

5: Eevee from UA. Unfortunately, Izuku gets an Eevee with a rare defect, unable to evolve, but he still makes do, especially when he visits Aloha, where Professor Shield resides, and discovers the power of an unevolved Eevee Z-Move.

6: A Machop, found on route to the first gym with his class, Gran Torino's flying Gym. He trades his Machoke for Uraraka's Kadabra, the girl wanting to move from her previous psychic specialization to a more fighting oriented type, and Izuku wanting a psychic type on his side. And also because they are Ochaco and Izuku, of course they trade Pokémon.

7: The Egg in the Box, Izuku's 6th Pokémon Is a Pansage, the Broccoli Monkey. Self Explanatory. (Was thinking of Shroomish too since Breloom is, well, also green headed, so there's also that.

[forsty]

random Forest facts because I adore him so much

- his actual name is Ole Skog. When he came to Virginia City people had so much trouble pronouncing “Ole” that he earned the nickname Forest, which he ends up just going by. BUT... the norwegian word for Forest is.. Skog... so his name is just Forest Forest

- Couldn’t ride horses until he was... 19 maybe? He LOVES horses and isn’t scared of them, but learning to ride horses was just never a thing until Joe decides it’s time. 

- Has 2 horses... how does a guy who previously couldn’t ride suddenly end up with 2? WELL LET ME TELL YOU 

- Cleopatra is an old appaloosa mare with a heart of gold and the softest and kindest personality you’d ever see on a horse (especially a mare??). After Forest learned to ride, the Cartwrights brought him to a horse auction where he was supposed to find himself a strong and young riding horse. Instead he picked Cleopatra. A retired circus horse who can’t really be ridden much anymore. Forest just decided that he wanted that sweet old lady to live out the rest of her years in comfort. He never rides her, he just takes her for walks and lets her graze and do her thing. 

- Askeladden (named after a Norwegian fairytale hero) is a norwegian fjord horse stallion who’s a good boy but also extremely mischievous. He was a gift from Joe to Forest. Somehow (with good connections I assume) Joe managed to find a fjord horse breeder/importer and bought one of the foals. Forest went BONKERS. Ask is a good horse, but has ALOT of personality. You never see his eyes, it’s always covered by his fringe/mane and he’s always munching on some grass. 

- The type of person who accidentally wanders into trouble... his head is often in the clouds daydreaming about stuff (mostly about kissing Joe HEHEHEH)

- Became good friends with Joe really early, they’ve been friends since they were 13 (Joe 14 since he’s one year older). Joe took one look at this introverted new norwegian kid (who could barely speak english) and decided HE’S MY FRIEND. Brought him home to the Ponderosa and showed his new friend to Ben like “CAN I KEEP HIM, PA? PLEASE?”

- He falls in love with Joe very gradually over time... probably realizes it himself when he’s around 17 and then 10 long years of pining for his bestfriend in secret begins...... Joe doesn’t fucking realize anything cause he’s oblivious AF, but he’s a bisexual roller coaster 

- Obsessed with fairy tales and folk lore and things like that. He loves telling and drawing things from norwegian folk lore. He once managed to convince Hoss that trolls existed and Hoss spent a few weeks thinking trolls were after him (Joe thought it was hilarious)

- Hopeless romantic and way too passionate for his own good... He’s the type of person to sit under a tree in the woods pulling petals off a flower and going “He loves me...... he loves me not...... he loves me......” 

- Obsessed with animals... he has a raccoon who shows up at his home that he sorta trained and named Francis (Francis being Joe’s middle name in case you didn’t know). He loves to venture into nature to sit down and sketch some animals and Joe often accompanies him (both to keep him company but also to make sure Forest doesn’t get eaten by a cougar or a bear because Forest WILL get so lost in the art sauce and forget that THOSE ANIMALS GO BITEY IF YOU COME TOO CLOSE)

- Was scared of Adam in the beginning, and sometimes still is. (He has tremendous respect for him)

LISTEN I JUST LOVE MY BOY SO MUCH 

[loststarphounix]

Soudam Week 2023 - Day 3: Celebration

A/N: minor spoilers for the Danganronpa 3 anime. Fic takes place after it, so if you didn’t watch it…eh

Day 3: Celebration

It was maybe a couple of minutes when Kazuichi realized that Gundham wasn’t with them. A sixth sense that developed and matured ever since emerging from the Neo World Program. It eased his anxiety when he knew his chosen family was all together in one place.

They had started a little “yay the Future Foundation didn’t kill us when we went to help Makoto” celebration after they returned to Jabborwock. As modest as it was, it didn’t deter them from going absolutely crazy and making fools out of themselves.

Making his excuses, the once mechanic began to search for his wayward lover. He found him not too long after midnight. It wasn’t like it was hard.

Almost five years of being together, three on this island and nearly two of them drenched in despair meant that they knew their tells and hidey holes by now. But this seemed like Gundham wasn’t exactly hiding from anyone, less of him.

Humming a long forgotten song from a long gone band, Kazuichi leisurely made his way over to his boyfriend. The sand muffled his footsteps, but the taller man still looked up, as though he could sense him.

“Hey,” he called out, a soft smile on his lips that only widened when the other returned it. “You left just as the party was getting started - Ibuki and Hiyoko somehow found some liquor and was bullying everyone to play Shots or Dare.”

Gundham waited for the other to take a seat beside him before he spoke. “I unfortunately do not find myself possessed by the spirits of revelry this night.”

Kazuichi gave an assenting noise, before bumping their shoulders together. When it was returned, he felt himself relax. 

They all had some kind of hang up or three - things that were broken thanks to her and could never be made whole. But the once renowned animal breeder wasn’t a party animal - Kazuichi snorted -, even when they were students. But he did liked putting on a show when he was around their friends. After it all however, he couldn’t bring himself to put on his mask and airs. 

Kazuichi knew how that felt, even if he still liked their little parties and get togethers. It was only when alcohol and rowdiness became the staple more than the ornamentation, that he made himself scarce.

“Me too.” He yawned, cuddling closer to the other, who gladly accepted both his presence and body heat. He felt more than heard the taller’s hum.

They both sat there like that, listening to the waves beat against the turf and sand, their only light the distant stars and waning moon. After what felt like forever, Kazuichi spoke again.

“We did it. We’re all together and alive.”

“Fate seems to favor us.” Gundham nuzzles into his hair. 

It was longer now, brushing just shy of the middle of his back. The pink is starting to fade and the dirty blonde roots are beginning to show. He’ll have to decide wether or not dye it or cut it all off.

That was a problem for another day.

Leaning down to slot in the crook of a pale neck, he gave a very fleeting kiss to the pulse. He felt it jump and quicken under his lips, felt the heavy exhale Gundham sighed, before pulling away just enough to stare up at the grey eyes he dreamt of ever since he first placed in the Neo World Program and Remnant Despair.

They were all survivors. They beat the odds and came back together. Kazuichi was so damn proud of all of them for coming out of it on the other side.

“I love our family.” He whispered.

“As do I.” His boyfriend replied, before leaning down to press their lips together in a gentle kiss.

[pastelsandpining]

Whumptober Day 23

you break it, you buy it

auction | ransom | pursuit

how lovely you are - Pretties AU part 2

part 1 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

warnings: pageantry, buying/selling humans, misogyny, the words breeder and breeding used a lot

--------------------

Zelda gave herself a final look-over in the mirror, fingering one of the two ringlets framing her face. The rest of her hair spilled gracefully down her back, giving the impression of a golden waterfall, and the twisted braids that gave the cascading locks a bit of texture made her look far more important than she really was. Her dress was made of Hyrule’s finest materials and, like every other eligible bachelorette, her family had sought out the best tailor to make a dress so lovely that she would catch eyes all too easily. A gentle rose blush gave her cheeks some color and the gloss on her lips shined when they caught the light. She looked, without a doubt, beautiful.

“I told you pink is your color,” her mother fawned, grabbing her exposed shoulders gently. “You are going to have so many bidders, my little flower.”

“Yes, I hope so,” Zelda replied as she smiled at her mother’s reflection. She looked so sure of herself that even she almost forgot it was a lie. 

Her entire life had catered to this very moment. Her parents were always gentle with her, patient, teaching her how to be a proper lady and that, essentially, her value lied in how desirable other people found her. The Auction was the most important event in a young woman’s life, and she was about to partake in it. It was a one-time only sort of event, unless Selectors deemed former rejects worthy of another try, but rarely did that happen in Castle Town. There was too high of a population, with too many greedy parents eager to sell their prettiest child to make a fortune.

Her mirrored image told her that she had a very slim chance of being rejected and for that, she had to be grateful. Being rejected brought about an intolerable shame. She would doom her family and they would have to move altogether to the outskirts of the kingdom. It would be devastating for all involved, and they would be the newest gossip of the town. Such a shame, they would say. That Zelda girl has always been so lovely. How she’s fallen since then.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if our dear Zelda makes the prettiest rupee of the year,” her father said from his seat behind them. Even he looked happy, his eyes glimmering with pride.

“Let’s not speak so low of the other ladies,” Zelda suggested, but her father chuckled and shook his head as he replied,

“I don’t speak poorly of them. I only speak highly of you.”

Yes, of course he did. They always had; it was what had them convinced that she was a fine contender for the Auction.

She wasn’t quite sure how it worked in other regions, but Castle Town treated it like a celebration. Every resident was encouraged to come out and support their finest young adults who fit the beauty standard quite well. The job of the contenders was to stand and look pretty until they were addressed. Only then were they allowed to try and convince the bidding Breeders of what they were worth. It’d been this way for as long as she remembered. As a little girl, she’d come to watch the ceremonies, too, and now, as her father announced the arrival of her carriage, it was her turn to stand upon that stage and allow the nation to decide her value to society. 

Zelda hiked up her skirts just high enough so that she could walk, but she was careful not to wrinkle the fabric with her fists. It wouldn’t do if she showed up looking as improper as that. As she slid into her seat, she was incredibly grateful that her dress was not of ballgown style. It would have been ridiculously hard to sit otherwise. 

Her parents sat across from her, somehow more anxious and giddy than she. She supposed there was no giddiness to her spirit, though. She felt more sick than anything, but she held her head high and watched the houses roll by just outside of her window. They did not live far from the center of Castle Town. The carriage ride was for formalities, and so she didn’t ruin her image by sweating from a walk in the glorious spring sunshine. They came to a slow stop just outside of the bustling, buzzing crowd. A footman opened the door for her, letting her hear the sounds of hundreds of excited viewers, and Zelda worried for a moment that she was going to faint. 

The set this year had been decorated with a slew of white and pink flowers, from roses to tulips to lilies. She would look lovely positioned before them, especially if her placement was partial to the white ones. She would stand out brilliantly, then, like a rose cushioned by a cloud. Zelda did not consider herself vain, but she could recognize beauty where it existed and she’d always been blessed with the features of a perfect Hylian, but as more young women began to fill in, the less she stood out from the crowd. Castle Town was full of lovely girls, all hoping to find their way into New Hyrule. Today would be tough for many of them, because not all of them could be selected. She thought it was rather cruel to display these ladies at their best, only to tear them down with the stamp of insecurity. For a man to be rejected by the Breeders, he would always find some find lady there to pet his cheeks and call him worthy of more. For a woman to be rejected, her reputation and social life would be devastated beyond repair. That, perhaps, was what she found most cruel about it all.

Yet she could not speak, because that very devastation would fall upon her shoulders. New Hyrule had a lovely university that she wanted nothing more than to attend, and so, she needed this just as much as she needed anyone else. She needed to be selected, and she hated it.

All too soon, the streets were filled to the brim with curious viewers who wished to check out this year’s options. Zelda wondered if this was what livestock felt like before the butcher made their pick of the bunch. Perhaps that was a little extreme. She would have it all in New Hyrule, though it meant very little to her. Her parents had given her everything she ever could have wanted. Her life would be no different, save for a romantic partner selected specifically to match her, for the sake of coitus alone, and an education beyond the schooling she’d had as a girl. Would they have a library? Surely they would have books stacked to the ceiling, containing knowledge from ancient to forbidden, in a university of such high status.

The first round of the Auction was simple enough. She would stand there with a smile and look pretty for the Breeders, who would make their way through the group and pick those they saw fit to move on. Zelda got through it by fixing her gaze on the sky and imagining herself at the university, surrounded by books and fellow scholars. Only when a Breeder was in front of her did she change her gaze to them, but she gave off the impression of being an utter delight. Their eyes were relentless as they roved over her, taking in all of her features and every curve of her body, as numbers of worth danced in their heads. It was almost humiliating how they lingered by her while other young ladies were all but ignored. She could not imagine how they felt. Her heart truly went out to them.

The second round was far more insulting—at least, in her opinion. Physical blemishes were not allowed, depending on where they were and the severity of them. A thorough look over was used to determine the contenders’ further eligibility. At the very least, it was behind closed doors. Zelda found herself lucky to have a woman doing her look over, because she was almost certain that a man would have not had the patience she required to slip out of the intricacies of her dress. They were not allowed to touch the girls, which made the process just that much more bearable.

“You have beautiful skin,” the woman commented absentmindedly, marking something on her chart that made Zelda shift nervously. “I know many who find dimples such as yours—the ones at the bottom of your spine—pleasing. Not to mention the confidence you hold yourself with. So many would have tried to cover their chests by now.”

With such invasive eyes, she might have, too. But her Breeder was kind enough to not let her eyes linger. She must have known what it was like to be a woman, confined to the shackles of the male gaze. 

“I see you going far in New Hyrule,” the woman continued, motioning for permission for her to slip back into her dress. The fabric was welcome against her skin after such an embarrassing time, and the woman gave a gentle smile and helped her with her laces and buttons like it were her job. How many of the other contenders had to replace their garments alone?

Only in the third and final round was she allowed to speak. 

“Miss Zelda, I must say, you are the closest we have come in a long time to replicating the princesses of old,” a Breeder told her, but she did not think there was any honesty to his voice. Still, she smiled and ducked her head in return.

“You are very kind, thank you,” she replied, folding her hands in front of her chest. 

“I mean it. Now tell me, ma’am, what is it you wish to make of yourself in New Hyrule?” he asked, as if this were some simple interview with no weight behind it. His pen was ready against his paper. She knew the answer she wanted to give, but she was well versed with the answer they were looking for.

“I wish to make myself a loving wife and devoted mother in the name of the Goddesses and of the New Hyrule we are raising for them to bless. My hope is to better myself in any way I can. I want to learn of the ancient heroes, of the princesses that came long before me, so that I may follow in their footsteps and bring the light back to our kingdom.”

It was partially true. She did want to study the ancient legends and songs that spoke of them, but that was not an option for her at all if she could not get into New Hyrule. It mattered not, however, because she’d said what he’d wanted to hear and that was that. All that was left was for the Breeders to make their selections and start the bidding. 

Zelda was a popular choice. Many wanted to get their hands on her, and she felt dizzy at all of the numbers being shouted. How odd it felt, to have them slowly go up in price, to increase her worth purely because someone else wanted her. She could do nothing but sit there and smile, look flustered and flattered for them, be the good little show girl they expected her to be. It was no life at all, and it was the only choice she had. 

She didn’t catch the final value. She didn’t want to know what set of numbers had been assigned to her. She only knew that she’d been purchased, and her parents looked more than pleased with the outcome. She tried to get their attention, to speak with them for the first time since she’d gotten here, but she was ushered off of the platform and towards the waiting train station, where she would be taken to New Hyrule without a moment’s hesitation, and she was not granted the opportunity. It saddened her immensely, but to show her upset would do no good. She could be pegged as compassionate, sure, but it was more likely they would think of her as too vulnerable to her emotions, as so many women seemed to be. At least, to those who mattered. It was an infuriating thing. And besides, even the most prized of cattle were not bid a goodbye by their farmers when they were shipped off to the butchers.

At the very least, her personal train car was nice. It was private with a comfortable place to lounge, right where she would be sleeping that night, and while she wasn’t allowed to bring any luggage (New Hyrule provided everything she could ever need), the compartment offered a fair selection of clothes: nightclothes, clothes suitable for if she should decide to socialize early, more casual clothing for the ladies with extravagant dresses, all she could ever need on the trip. Everyone from every corner of the land that was headed to New Hyrule was on this train.

The thought that the man she would be assigned to was somewhere within the stretching cars filled her to the brim with nerves. No, Zelda decided, she would not be trying to socialize early. What she would do instead was sit on her cushions and read one of the few books offered for entertainment. It was nothing more than a romance novel of little interest, but sitting to watch her home and life as she knew it roll further and further out of sight sounded depressing and pitiful, and she would not release her hold on the hope that this move was good for her. 

The day was long. Novels of women pining endlessly for a handsome man did little to pass the time, though she supposed that was the life that was waiting for her at the end of this. She could not imagine how it felt to be the residents from far off, who’ve been confined to the train for days. Zelda would have lost her sanity if all she had to do was watch the scenery out of the window and read horribly bland stories for longer than a day. They had her pity. Was her soon-to-be fiance coming from far off? Had he been on this train for a long time? Would he be kind? She was certain the standards that qualified men for entrance to the region were different than those for women—more lenient and far less based on their predictions at parenthood. She was quite grateful when her exhaustion came to free her from those anxieties.

The train reached the station at New Hyrule in the late morning. She was ushered out of her compartment by an attendee, a worker whose sole purpose was to get her to wherever she was required to be next. The platform was swamped with other new residents, people just like her who’d been selected for perfectionism and uprooted from their lives. Zelda thought it was in her best interest not to look around at other faces. She could not worry what they might have been thinking if she couldn’t see them. Instead, she followed her attendee to the carriage that was waiting for her and climbed inside. There was not even a window.

The attendee, a woman who appeared in her early thirties, climbed in and sat across from her, beginning what was probably a mandated introduction.

As per New Hyrule tradition, new residents were not permitted to see anything about the region until the courting season (a few weeks at most) began. Zelda, and every other piece of livestock like her, would be taken directly to the communal living quarters. These buildings were little more than temporary homes while the permanent housing was in preparation. The purpose was to get them ready for the evening, where they would be meeting their assigned partners for a promenade to mark the beginning of their relationship. It was quite a lot of information to be thrown at once, so Zelda was immensely grateful for the fresh air she was provided when she stepped foot outside the carriage. 

The women’s commune was full of life, from excited whispers to pleasant conversation, but if she was going to meet anyone later in the evening and give off the impression that she was having fun, she was going to need to save her energy. She offered polite smiles until she was behind the safety of her door. There were no windows, but she thought perhaps a nap would serve her well. The train cushions were, when entirely laid on, hardly comfortable, so her night had been anything but peaceful. It was no wonder she fell asleep so easily.

It was late afternoon when they woke her. She was to be presented soon, to her future husband and to all of New Hyrule. A tremendous occasion calls for tremendous preparation, and for the second time in a mere forty-eight hours, Zelda was put in a lovely dress and painted to be far prettier than she actually was. Her hair was twisted up into an elegant knot at the back of her head, spilling only a few curls down her back. Her face was framed between two more, just as it was for the Auction. Her dress was a soft pink and the bodice hugging her waist was  embroidered with flowers, which made the plain, floor length skirt look perfect. She looked perfect, and just like that, she was told to wait outside with the other ladies. 

Zelda bunched her skirts in her hands, scrunching the material tight enough to leave wrinkles, then let it go to tap her fingers against the railing of the porch. Slowly but surely, one by one, the men were coming up to meet their assigned fiancées. Hers was here somewhere, buried in the mass of people, but she hadn’t a clue which one. The minutes continued passing though, and the amount of women surrounding her began to dwindle until there were only so many left. For a brief moment of fear so silly, she should’ve been ashamed of it, she worried no match for her had been made after all. It wasn’t a big deal--she didn’t need a partner, or an organization to give her one. Maybe it was better if they hadn’t, because with a stroke of horror, she realized the purity culture she was raised in had not given her the opportunity to socialize with many men. She didn't even know how to. But then, someone was walking up to her anyway, a single white rose in his hand--the same flower every other lady was presented with. The meaning was simple, obvious: new beginnings. Because he, too, had been uprooted from whatever life he’d been a part of before.

“Miss Zelda?” he asked, his voice quiet but steady.

“Yes,” she answered and raised her eyes to offer him a polite smile, because she didn’t know what else to say. He was cruelly, stunningly beautiful. But weren’t they all, since that was the reason they were specifically handpicked? His eyes were a shade of blue she didn’t think she’d ever seen before on anyone else, no matter how much her mother liked to praise Zelda’s. She’d looked at him for too long. Cheeks flushing, she dropped her eyes to his hand and took the rose carefully, letting her fingers brush softly over his to test the waters. 

“Thank you,” she said, raising her eyes again when she felt it was appropriate to do so. She was merely guessing. “May I ask your name?”

“Link,” he replied simply. “Of Kokiri. I’ve no last name.”

That was a rare sort of thing. Still, something in that pleased her. 

“It is a pleasure,” Zelda told him anyway, offering another kind smile. 

“The pleasure is all mine.” 

Link held his arm out to her, a tiny smile of his own decorating his lips, but he did not look happy. Then again, she supposed, neither did she.

--------------------

masterlist | whumptober by day | whumptober by collection | original post

[kaen-ace-of-diamonds]

Cinderquil

Word Count: 4900+ (oneshot)

[AO3]

Genre: Fluff/Friendship

Characters: Cinder Fall, Cinder’s Pokemon

Summary: Pokemon AU. Ever since they were young, Cinder's only Pokemon has been her starter, Ella the Houndoom. She is proud of her position as her Trainer's sole companion and sees no reason for anything to change, thank you very much. So when Cinder brings home a new addition to their team, Ella's world is turned abruptly upside down.

Warnings for implied/reference child abuse and animal abuse

Inspired by this art by @astoria00!

~0~

Ella, like her Trainer, had no concept of downplaying her own importance.

She considered herself the paragon of partner Pokemon. Ever since she was a little Houndour, tripping over her own paws and barely able to cough out a flame, she had always done her best to look after Cinder. The girl she had grown up with was whip-smart and strong, as hotblooded as any Fire-type, and Ella would follow her commands without hesitation. 

That being said, she didn’t always understand what was going on in Cinder’s head. For instance, coming to this unfriendly and unfamiliar region on the orders of that shadowy organization. Sure, the safe house they’d been provided was comfortable, a small and cozy cabin in the woods, but, Ella wondered, at what cost? She had been alone for hours. 

Ella watched the thick forest around her with all the alertness of a hunter, gnawing at the large Grumpig ear she had been given. It was not hard work, guarding the cabin while Cinder was out on her mission, and it was clear that Ella was better suited for the job than Talonflame. The Flying-type had been lent to Cinder by her new leader for easy transportation, and while the supercilious look in his eyes got Ella’s hackles up, she didn’t feel threatened by the new addition. Talonflame was, if not temporary, nothing more than a utility. 

Ella was Cinder’s only Pokemon. As for Ella herself, she disdained the company of both humans and other Pokemon alike. None of them had ever done anything for her: all she needed was her Trainer.

It was growing dark, and she could smell impending rain in the air — not unusual, in this awful cold and wet region — and was glad when she caught Cinder’s scent alongside it, growing steadily closer. She did not move from her spot on the front porch, but her ears perked up and her gaze homed in on the speck of red in the distance. Small as it was, it stood out against the dark greens and cloudy greys that surrounded them. 

Ella didn’t scramble up and run to her as she would have in the past — she had learned professionalism alongside Cinder as well — but her shoulders relaxed and her barbed tail flopped back and forth against the wood. Finally, her Trainer was home and things were the way they were supposed to—

Wait a blasted minute. 

What was that?

“Hello, Ella,” Cinder greeted her as she stepped out of the trees, as if everything were normal. “Did you miss me?”

Ella jumped to her feet with a furious bark, the Grumpig ear clattering down the stairs. Her tail stood straight out and her head reflexively jerked up and down, showing off her horns to the tiny, dirty, squirming thing that Cinder was carrying into their house. 

To the Cyndaquil’s credit, she got the picture immediately. She didn’t even try to flare up her back before emitting a loud squeak and attempting to leap out of Cinder’s arms, presumably to scurry back to whatever hole in the ground she had come from.

Unfortunately, instead of coming to her senses and letting it go, Cinder held Cyndaquil tighter, close and protective. After a few seconds, she curled up timidly against her chest. 

“Shh, relax, it’s okay. Ella’s not going to hurt you.” She narrowed her eyes warningly at Ella as she walked up the stairs and into the cabin. “Ella is going to be a nice girl and hear me out.”

No, Ella damn well would not. Not without standing her ground and making her case. She followed Cinder inside growling and bristling. 

Once the door was shut behind them, the one Pokeball at Cinder’s belt burst open, and Talonflame flapped across the living area to his perch next to the fireplace. His beady black eyes watched them with unusual interest, and Ella resented the sense that she was putting on a show for him.

What’s gotten into you?! she barked at her Trainer, who had begun trying to coax Cyndaquil out of her defensive ball. You said all you needed was me! Why would you do this without even asking me?

True, all Cinder could hear was “Houndoom Houndoom Houndoom Houndoom,” but after all this time, Ella knew she was getting the gist of it. 

“I realize that this is sudden,” Cinder began, her tone deliberately calm and even. “But I couldn’t exactly leave her there and run back to check with you. And we can’t just toss her out now that I’ve brought her here.”

Ella snorted. Very convenient for both of them. And how soon can I expect to be replaced? Was I that shameful of a starter?

With her free hand, Cinder reached over to grab a towel from the kitchenette and started rubbing the dirt from Cyndaquil’s damp fur. She let out a muffled squeak at the sudden touch, but didn’t uncurl.

“I expected to run into some people while I was out, that wasn’t the problem. There’s plenty of towns and cave systems around these mountains to look through. I didn’t plan on actually battling anyone, but apparently somebody on the trails had something to prove. One of those rich boys — you know the type, of course.”

Yes, they had met more than enough of those in their time. One of Cinder’s new teammates even seemed like one all grown up, complete with an equally smug Toxitricity by his side. Ella didn’t relax at all — in fact, her shoulders tensed up more — nor did she soften her accusing glare, but she did cease growling.

“So he won’t take no for an answer, won’t even break eye contact, and I decide that if he insists, I might as well teach him a lesson. He had three other Pokemon, and they were high-level but sloppy. I’d bet money that he didn’t catch them himself, that they were gifts or trades that he had no idea how to actually deal with. Talonflame made short work of them, but then — hm?”

Cyndaquil had been starting to lift her nose tentatively out of her defensive ball, and only now that she wasn’t too frightened to think did she notice the running slow cooker and containers of Pokemon food on the counter. The realization made her pick her head up and squeak loudly, and the smile that broke out on Cinder’s face was of the sort that Ella hadn’t seen in years.

“Are you hungry? I know, you’ve had a long day...” She dug around in the box of PokePuffs — not strictly belonging to Ella, but who else’s would they be? — and pulled out a Basic Spice to offer it. “Here, you can have this, can’t you?”

Cyndaquil sniffed the treat, and gnawed at it a little, but didn’t move to take or actually eat it. Cinder sighed. 

“Well, I had hoped so, but I guess not.” 

She gently pushed the treat into Cyndaquil’s stubby arms until they gripped it, and then knelt to set the tiny Pokemon on the floor. Ella tilted her head as she scowled down at her: what was the matter with her, stumbling around like that? Had she hit her head somehow?

Cinder shot Ella a warning glance that, in Ella’s mind, was completely uncalled for. “Be nice.”

Ella huffed, and stalked deliberately closer. Cyndaquil paused in trying to figure out what the PokePuff she held was, and looked worriedly between the human and Houndoom glaring at each other. Once Cinder was satisfied that Ella would not, in fact, rip the smaller Pokemon’s head off like some kind of feral beast, she turned around and started going through the cabinets and minifridge. 

“I did beat his whole team, as far as I’m concerned,” she went on with her story as she retrieved the big saucepan and a carton of milk. “All the ones who were fit for battle. But when I held out my hand for the money he owed me, he went purple in the face and insisted that we weren’t done. He pulled another Pokeball out of his pocket, and sent her out. And of course she had no idea what was going on, did you, dear?”

Cyndaquil blinked, puzzled, and nearly tripped over her own chubby legs. Ella’s anger was very quickly giving way to confusion of her own; she knew that the average starter Pokemon wasn’t wildly powerful, to match its equally inexperienced Trainer, but surely they started at at least level one?

“No, she didn’t. I don’t know what garbage breeder they got her from, but she was definitely not ready to be separated from her mother. Even Talonflame backed off.”

Something finally clicked in Ella’s head, and her eyes went wide. She lunged forward, claws clacking on the hardwood floor, to sniff vigorously at Cyndaquil, who nearly fell over backwards in surprise. Under the rainwater and dirt, the scent of juvenile pheromones was unmistakable.

From up on his perch, Talonflame chirruped, amused. It really took you this long to notice? Do you usually growl at baby humans, too?

Ella was too stunned to even bark back. True, she didn’t spend any time around other Pokemon, but she should still have known...

“Obviously this spoiled brat had no business keeping her in his care,” Cinder said, stirring vanilla and cinnamon into the simmering pan. “But fortunately, it was very simple to set up an exchange.”

Talonflame chirruped, amused. Your Trainer throws a mean Mach Punch, Ella.

Cinder smirked at the fresh memory. With her free hand, she reached into her hip pouch, pulled out the shards of a shattered Pokeball, and tossed them into the trash can. Ella heard muffled clinks, and caught a glimpse of a coin purse that definitely was not theirs. Or, well, it hadn’t been before.

“I think it’s about time we start expanding our team, anyway. We’re in service to a very powerful leader now. We should be meeting a higher standard.” She glanced at Ella while digging back in the cabinet for the Vespiquen honey, and amended, “An even higher standard. I know this was a shock to you, Ella, and I don’t expect you to babysit her. But I couldn’t imagine a better example for her than you.”

Well. Ella couldn’t argue with that. She considered Cyndaquil for a moment more, watched her twitch her nose curiously up at her, and then ducked her head down to take the smaller Pokemon’s scruff in her mouth. As expected, she was still young enough that she went limp in her teeth.

Cinder blinked, but didn’t move to stop her. “Ella? What are you doing?”

Ella didn’t respond; she was already carrying Cyndaquil over to the living area. She laid down on the rug, deposited Cyndaquil between her front legs, and set about licking her short, downy fur. She wasn’t sure how Typhlosion mothers usually groomed their young — she barely remembered how her own mother had done it — but this felt right. 

Cinder smiled and returned her attention to the pan on the stove. Cyndaquil, for her part, didn’t seem upset, but she was certainly confused.

Who... She was cut off by Ella’s wide tongue sweeping over the top of her head, but tried again. Who are you?

My name is Ella, she informed her, making sure to get the back of her neck. Cinder’s hasty rub with the towel hadn’t done anywhere near enough to rid her of the residue on her fur, and it certainly hadn’t done anything for the scrapes on the skin underneath. I am your teammate now. 

Oh. Cyndaquil squirmed around some more until she could look up at Cinder’s back. That lady’s nice. And warm.

Her name is Cinder. She is your Trainer, and you should do as she tells you.

My Trainer’s sleeping on the ground back there, Cyndaquil said with innocent bluntness. I don’t think he got up yet. 

Talonflame let out a deliberate, throaty laugh, and Ella shot a warning glare over her shoulder before returning to her ministrations. 

You can forget about him, she insisted to Cyndaquil. All you need now is us. 

Perhaps it was only because Cyndaquil was too young to fully grasp the reality of her new situation, but she didn’t question it any further. Instead, she settled down between Ella’s front legs and continued to watch Cinder make her dinner, submitting to a thorough grooming as she did so. 

Talonflame tilted his head back and forth as he stared down at them. You’ve changed your tune quickly, haven’t you, Ella?

Shut up, said Ella curtly, in between licks. You’re not staying.

We’ll see about that, Talonflame replied, too lazily to be threatening, as he tucked his head beneath his wing for a brief nap. Wake me when dinner’s ready, will you? 

Ella made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat. She couldn’t find the room to care about that right now. Not when the cabin was steadily filling with sweet and savory scents, when the room was growing warm in the way it only did when the evening chill was falling outside, when there was a sense of comfort settling into her bones that she hadn’t felt in quite a long time. 

Not since...ah.

Ella looked up at Cinder, who gave her a knowing smile back. Of course she remembered too.

~0~

It’s only the adrenaline surging through her veins that’s keeping her moving. She just wants to run, run, run, as far and as fast as she can, because if she stops for an instant they’ll catch her and drag her back, but she can’t feel her paws anymore and it’s very quickly not her decision. 

The driving rain is already making it hard to see what’s in front of her, but then her vision blurs out completely, and she’s dropped right into a puddle before she even realizes her legs have buckled from underneath her. She doesn’t have the strength even to struggle back to her feet. All she can do is shuffle on her stomach through the mud, inch by miserable inch, until the sore tips of her toes brush rock, leaving behind smears of blood that are quickly washed away.

Her eyes flick upward: less of a cave than a hole in the ground, but she’ll take it. It’s a painful squeeze through an opening that’s just barely bigger than her own body. When she finally manages it, she collapses, lying like a wet pile of fur on the rough stone. Even here’s not really dry — cold runoff drips steadily right into her ear — but she couldn’t move to a better spot even if she tried.

She closes her eyes, the sound of her own labored breathing filling her head. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever get up again, and right now, she doesn’t much care. All that matters is that she’s not moving, that no one can touch her here.

So it takes her a good minute to register the strange scent wafting into her nostrils, underneath the heavy smells of rain and earth: acrid enough to make her nose twitch and fur raise. With a colossal effort, she lifts her head an inch, and finally notices that she is not alone here.

Barely a few feet away, desperately trying to cram herself into the far corner of the cave, is a human not much bigger than her. A little girl, just as skinny and soaked as she is, her amber eyes huge with terror. She wonders what she’s so afraid of — wonders if there’s anything behind her, if she should be afraid too — before realizing.

Oh. This was your hiding place first.

The girl doesn’t seem to have been here long: she’s out of breath, eyes puffy and red, and none of the mud spattering her once-white shirt and pants has dried. She gapes at her for a long moment, before hesitantly scooting forward and reaching out towards her ears.

What ear she has left pricks straight up. She might have intruded on this human, sure, but that doesn’t mean she gets to touch her.

Her hackles raise, her lips pull back, and she snaps at the offending fingers the second she realizes where they’re going. She misses — the girl gasps and scrambles back again, holding her hand protectively to her chest — and her smooth, flat-topped teeth clack painfully together.

“I-I’m sorry!” the girl yelps. “It’s just...you’re hurt.”

She’s fine. So what if her ears and tail had been cut into this awful shape? So what if she’s been robbed of her fangs, and now her claws? She’s still a Pokemon and not some spoiled brat’s toy. Still strong, strong enough to defend herself against one pathetic human. 

She growls, but it’s weak even to her own ears. She is strong, it’s either tell herself that or lose hope completely, but she’s running on fumes. If she can’t fight back...if she can’t make them stop touching her...

The girl is doing something puzzling now, and it almost makes her let down her guard. She’s pawing at her shirt as if looking for something, but it doesn’t seem to have any pockets or other affectations. Then after a moment, to her shock, she grabs the one part of it that isn’t filthy, tears a long strip away, then tears that in half with a soft snap.

“Here...” She edges closer, slowing but not quite stopping at her growls. “I — I get it if you don’t want me touching your face. But your paws are bleeding, and...”

She narrows her eyes and keeps her teeth bared in warning: with the combustion pouch in her throat snipped or punctured or even pulled out entirely, whatever they had done to it, a cigarette lighter could produce a bigger flame than she can right now. But she doesn’t have to act like it.

The girl bites back a whimper, the smell of fear still coming off her in waves. “I’m not trying to hurt you, I promise. I just want to help. Please?”

Growls keep bubbling up from her throat, but they’re half-hearted. Against every instinct, she slides her front paws forward. The wounds on her half-amputated toes sting when the scratchy fabric wraps around them, but it’s a small relief to have the bleeding finally staunched.

The girl smiles. “There. Better?”

This close, she can see in the girl’s sunken cheeks and ashen skin how starved she is, spot the jagged outline of a fresh scar around her neck. The faint smell of human blood, not quite covered up by the muck, reaches her nose. Oh. So they really are in the same boat. 

She goes quiet, and tries to relax, and is rewarded with the fear-scent steadily receding.

“My name’s Cinder. Do you have a name?”

She heaves a deep sigh in response; she’s never been called anything but mongrel, dumb mutt, dirty animal, and she’s pretty sure those don’t count as names.

“No? I’ll think of one for you, then. Just give me a little bit, I’ve never named anyone befo—aah!”

Thunder shakes what felt like the whole world around them, and they both jump so badly they hit their heads on the painfully low walls. She lets out a whine despite herself, curling tightly in on herself to keep from shaking. Cinder doesn’t look much happier, but instead of recoiling...

“Here...” Cinder mimics her, getting down and snuggling up next to her back on the floor. “I know I’m not very warm, but I should be better than nothing.”

She makes a soft noise of assent. When Cinder slings an arm over her shoulders, hugging her body close and gently petting her flank, it doesn’t exactly make her feel fuzzy on the inside. But it stirs something deep in her chest that she doesn’t have a name for yet, and it’s a welcome distraction from the cold and wet.

“We can stay here until the storm stops. We could figure out where to go together,” Cinder suggests, in a hesitant murmur. “We could be friends.”

Friends. She’s never heard the word before, and isn’t sure what it means, but she wouldn’t mind finding out. She twists her head around and licks Cinder’s cheek, and the girl giggles like she’s never tried to before.

The rain drives down hard and punishing outside, washing away all traces of them. Freezing droplets fall on them from the roof. They’re hungry, dirty, and shivering, with no idea of what they’re supposed to do next. But tonight they’re huddled together, the world outside this cramped little cave does not exist, and for the first time in their lives, they aren’t alone.

 ~0~

“Dinnertime,” Cinder said, balancing four dishes as she came into the living area. Talonflame stirred and flapped down from his perch to join them as she served the meal: beef stew from the slow cooker for the three of them and warm spiced milk for Cyndaquil.

The baby Pokemon let out her loudest squeak yet and bounced out of Ella’s legs when the dish was set beside her, but stopped short of actually going for it, looking up at them hesitantly.

“Go on. It’s all for you, dear.”

Cinder, sitting cross-legged on the floor with them, smiled as she watched the tiny Pokemon scramble eagerly towards the milk.

“You like it? There’s plenty more where that came from. We’re going to raise you to be big and strong, and one day nobody will dare mistreat you. Right, Ella?”

Ella loyally thumped her tail on the hardwood floor: she knew better than anyone. She knew that she wasn’t the starter Pokemon that every child dreamed about, nor, she conceded, had Cinder begun as the cool and confident Trainer that any Pokemon would want. But still they had fought every day to survive together, to become strong enough that nobody could ever lay a hand on them again. 

She had evolved under Cinder’s command, and with evolution the body parts that had been carved away from her when she was young were restored to her. Most importantly, it had given her her fire back, and she knew in her heart that she would never have been able to reach that point on her own.

It was just like Cinder used to say, in the dead of one of their countless nights huddled up together: It’s all right if nobody else loves us. All we need is each other.

That had held steadfastly true for them, from childhood to adulthood. Ella saw no reason why the same could not apply to Cyndaquil, if she herself were magnanimous enough to allow it.

As she gulped down tender chunks of beef, she watched the tiny Pokemon lapping up the milk so earnestly she seemed in danger of falling headfirst into the dish. It had taken Ella a long time to train herself out of scarfing her food down like that, so fast she didn’t even taste it, to be sure that nobody would snatch it away from her now. 

Though Toxitricity and Drapion still acted as if they would sometimes, just to get a rise out of her. While she was still small, Cyndaquil would be free to take refuge behind her legs or in Cinder’s arms, but soon Ella would have to teach her how to stand up for herself, and to not roll over for them or anyone else. There were a lot of things the two of them — three, if Talonflame decided to make himself useful — would be responsible for teaching their newest member. She ought to start making a list.

Not that there was much room in her head for that right now. Cyndaquil polished off the milk before the rest of them were halfway finished with their meal, and after licking the dish clean, she looked up and glanced uncertainly around at the three of them. 

Now that there was nothing to distract her, it was starting to sink in that she was all by herself, in a strange place surrounded by strange people, with no idea what was going to happen to her next. Ella knew that feeling: the sudden drop in her stomach, the cold spreading like frost over her skin. She remembered. She expected that Cinder did, too. 

Her Trainer was watching Cyndaquil intently, and at the first tiny whimper that might have been the prelude to crying, she set her bowl aside and held out her arms. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Want to come here?”

With only slight reluctance, Cyndaquil allowed Cinder to scoop her into her lap. Smiling, she rubbed the tiny Pokemon’s belly with one hand and scratched the back of her neck, just above the incendiary spots, with the other. Cyndaquil let out a series of high-pitched cheeps and squirmed happily in her lap, clearly unused to such affection.

“There, you see?” Cinder cooed, as Cyndaquil twisted around so she could scratch under her chin. “Nothing to be afraid of. This is your home now, with me and your big sister Ella.”

Ella! Ella! Cyndaquil squeaked, delighted. She says we’re sisters!

Ella swallowed a chunk of potato and tilted her head at them. Sister. Another word she would soon be learning to embody.

~0~

The next morning, Ella found her need to pace militarily when impatient at war with her utter disgust of wetness and mud. They had planned a schedule for Cyndaquil’s first full day with them yesterday evening, and it would not do at all to start slacking so soon.

Last night, Cyndaquil had tried to sleep in the corner of the bedroom at first, clearly too used to being shunted out of the way. She had needed plenty of coaxing from Cinder and a commanding bark from Ella to feel safe climbing up onto the bed and letting herself be tucked in between them.

She had slept restlessly, kicking and yelping in her dreams, needing constant soothing to calm down. In the morning Ella had had to drag her exhausted body out from under her blanket, shaking the sleep out of her head. Even Cinder, who had always been a light sleeper anyway, had been rubbing her eyes as Cyndaquil followed her out of the bedroom, bouncing at her heels. Arceus only knew where the little Pokemon had gotten so much energy from.

Ella lifted a paw and shook excess mud from it, her lip curling. Cinder had said that they would only be a minute, it had now been several, and if they didn’t get out here in the next ten seconds she was going to march in there and drag her Trainer out with her teeth—

“Being patient, Ella?”

Ella turned and fixed Cinder with A Look as she watched her coming down the front steps of the cabin, determined not to return her easy smile just yet. She was supposed to have been introducing Cyndaquil to a new Pokeball, but as it happened...

“Yes, I know,” Cinder said, reaching up to steady Cyndaquil as she sprawled happily on her belly, atop her new Trainer’s head. “She does have a new Pokeball now, but I think she likes it better here with us. Right, dear?”

Cyndaquil chirped assent, grinning and swinging her stubby legs.

“You’ll need a proper name soon, too. But training comes first, so watch your sister carefully, now. Ella, if you would?”

Ella gave a firm nod and stepped back, facing the open space in front of the two of them, so Cyndaquil could get a good view of what she was about to demonstrate. The smaller Pokemon, while still idly playing with Cinder’s bangs, was staring transfixed at her. Ella doubted whether she could even muster up an Ember yet, let alone try Flamethrower. Well, then all the better a show for her.

She would never again take for granted how good it felt to flex the muscles in her throat and get her combustion pouch working. It was like taking a gulp of sweet smoke, sparklers lighting just under her skin, as the heat surged up from within her.

Maybe the need to show off to someone younger, which she had never had the chance to do before, gave her some extra fuel: the flames that burst from her mouth burned hotter and stronger than ever, brightening the overcast morning and sending steam hissing up from the puddles before her. 

Cinder gave her an approving smirk and some soft applause, but Cyndaquil couldn’t contain herself.

Wow! She took a flying leap off of Cinder’s head and scurried to Ella’s side, mimicking her battle pose. My turn, my turn!

She opened her mouth, throat straining and tail sticking straight out, only to cough up the measliest crumb of flame that Ella had ever seen. It extinguished itself almost as soon as it had been ignited.

Oh, Cyndaquil said plaintively, tail drooping. I...

Ella gave her a nudge with her snout that she hoped was uplifting. Will try again, that’s what you’ll do. As long as it takes. Don’t look so downcast.

“Whatever Ella’s saying to you, she’s right, dear,” Cinder chimed in. “We’re going to become the strongest, but not overnight.”

You do have an advantage. I had to figure this all out on my own. Ella re-assumed her attack position. She would go slower this time, explain the physical aspects of combustion that were innate to all Fire-types, so the little one could better lean in to what felt most natural. You have me to look after you. And when you’re finally ready to be in a real battle, you’ll be far more prepared than the others. Understand?

Cyndaquil nodded very seriously, then mirrored her once more, sparks flying already from her arched back. 

Good. Now, watch closely...

[legoshi-plz]

Captivity (Legoshi x Reader)

Summary: You and Legoshi are kidnapped and forced to breed. That’s it.

Warnings: Smut (NSFW 18+), Dark Themes/ Elements

A/N: @jiffygis requested a Legoshi x Omnivore! Reader so I went with a Dog because it fit the narrative of the story a little better.

///////////

“HELP! ANYONE PLEASE!” You scream as you’re thrown into the cellar. The floor is cold and hard, you scrape your knee on the way down.

“Y/N? Is that you?” You recognize that voice but it’s much too dark to see.

“Oh shit, that right you can’t see. It’s me, Legoshi,” Your heart leaps at the familiar name.

“Legoshi! Where are you, I can’t- I-,” you flail your arms until you come into contact with the soft warmth that is his fur. He takes your hand.

“Where are we?” You whine, a tremble of fear lacing your voice.

“I don’t know, I was with the rest of the art department setting up for the festival and next thing I knew, I woke up here. Do you remember how you got here?” You could hear in his voice he was trying to be rational and keep the panic at bay. For that you were grateful because you were already on the verge of tears.

“N-no,” you choked back a sob.

Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it tog-

“Well well well, what do we have here,” came a loud voice as the lights finally came on. You could finally see that the cellar wasn’t a cellar at all. It was a room with a large glass wall that revealed the source of the voice on the other side.

An older ram with horns so big they could have only been surgically enhanced stood on the other side. He wore an all red suit with gold cuff links and was flanked by two equally luxurious bulls, his protection no doubt.

“I see the boys weren’t lying when they said they’d brought me a prize. Quite the specimens indeed,” he grinned manically, revealing a set of pristine veneers.

“Who are you? What do you want from us?” Legoshi asked, subconsciously pushing you behind him in case things went astray.

“Ah yes, I suppose an explanation is in order. [Redacted]’s my name and I’m what you’d call.... a breeder. Used to breed for the Black Market but there’s no real money in that. Not like in Brawls that is.” Your heart sank at the words.

Brawls were an evolved form of antiquated Dogfights. They were illegal which made the underground circuit that much more profitable. You cringed at the thought of him entering you two into such a life. Legoshi was strong, an Alpha male, a wolf; he’d make it for sure. Yourself on the other hand? You were a Dog, a [Y/D/B] to be exact, one of the most domesticated species out there. You didn’t even eat meat for goodness sake! You wouldn’t last a minute in one of those bloodbaths.

“Seeing how easily my men brought you in, I can tell that neither of you can put up a fight. Looks like you’ll just have to serve a higher purpose.” The Ram guffawed a hideous laugh, his lackeys joining in obnoxiously.

“Please just let us go! We won’t tell anyone!” You yelp, still clinging to Legoshi’s hand.

“Oh I intend to let you go, dearie. After you’ve earned your freedom. You two are gonna breed me pups. Grey Wolf fighters will dominate in the ring and you’re going to give me a whole army of them.”

“But I’m not a Grey Wo-

“That’s clear to everyone in this room, Dog. But you’re young, healthy, and ripe for being bred. With genes as strong as his, they’ll run right through you.” He fished through his jacket pocket, pulling out a cigar and lighting it.

“Now.... how old are you two?” His lust-tinged eyes raked over the two of you.

“We’re highschoolers!” Legoshi spat, baring his fangs.

“That don’t answer my question.”

“Eighteen.” Legoshi said through gritted teeth.

“E-eighteen,” you sighed in defeat.

“Thought so. A little too young for my taste, so unfortunately I won’t be joining you for your first few breeds but maybe in future romps. However, my boys will be staying behind to make sure Wolfie gets the job done right.” The Ram began to make his exit, pausing right before he reached the doorway.

“And if he doesn’t get the job done right, my men will be sure to give you both a hands on demonstration on how to breed. And I assure you, no one breeds quite like bulls.”

The door slammed and you felt your heart drop. You looked up at Legoshi but he was refusing eye contact, his glare focused on the 2 enormous bulls on the other side of the glass who pulled up 2 chairs, waiting for the ‘show’ to start.

“Look we’re gonna give you about 15 minutes to get your shit together. Talk it out, foreplay, whatever you gotta do but if when the times up, we don’t see any fucking, we’re coming in and I’ve got a hard-on you wouldn’t believe, sweetheart,” One of the goons smirked, winking at you. You dropped your head in disgust.

“Legoshi, what are we gonna do?” You whined, tugging at his sleeve.

“I- I don’t know,” he covered up his face with the one hand you weren’t clinging to for dear life.

“I don’t want them to... to...” you couldn’t even say it, which in a way felt worse and somehow darkened the atmosphere even more.

“Legos-

“TEN MORE MINUTES,” The bull called and you felt a chill run down your spine.

“Look Legoshi, we don’t have a choice, your going to have to-

“Don’t! Don’t say it!”

“Legoshi look at me!” He forced himself to finally face you. “You’re going to have to fuck me. We don’t have a choice in this and we can’t wait around anymore. Just... I don’t know, close your eyes and pretend I’m someone else if you have to. We just have to get the job done,” you lamented, your cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“What- what if I hurt you?” Legoshi’s eyes softened and you caught a glimpse of the turmoil behind his eyes. You could see you needed to grant him permission.

“You could never hurt me worse than they will if they come in here. Now please Legoshi, I need you,” you could see the resolve settle in his eyes and he sighed in defeat.

“Should I... or did you...? Your, um, clothes,” he said gesturing to your uniform.

“Oh, um, I guess whatever will get you going,” Legoshi seemed torn so you decided to proceed taking off your own clothes.

“C’mon, we don’t really have time for this. What can I do to get you hard?” You asked throwing off your top and dropping your skirt.

“I-I don’t know okay...” Legoshi said as he started peeling off his own clothes.

“Legoshi.... are you? Are you a-

“FIVE MINUTES RUNTS!”

“Yeah I am,” he cringed kicking his shoes off. He seemed mortified.

“Wow I never would have imagined,”

“It’s pathetic, I know.”

“No! It’s not pathetic at all, I’m one too. I just thought... I mean look at you, you’re the farthest thing from unattractive. And then you’re so.... well... such an ideal partner, especially in the Carnivore community, not to mention your kind of mysterious which is also desirable to most girls on top of being so kind and considerate so I just naturally assumed....” you trailed off when you noticed he was undressed already except for his underwear, taking in everything you said with an unreadable expression.

“Sorry! I’m just rambling because I’m nervous.” You unclasped your bra, revealing your chest to all three of the small audience. You heard a lewd whistle from one of the Ram’s henchmen.

“Let the show begin Sugartits, and you better make it a good one!” The Bulls roared with laughter. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves before you dropped to your knees in front of Legoshi.

“W-what are you doing?” Legoshi gasped, his ears and tail nearly standing on end.

“This won’t work out for either of us if you’re soft,” you said yanking down his underwear. To your surprise, though not at maximum potential, he was far from ‘soft’.

You took his awakened member into you hands and pumped it twice before capturing the head between your lips. He was warm, oh so warm. You couldn’t help but moan at the feeling, the sensation in turn causing him to tremble.

He began to really grow in your mouth, it seemed as if the more you took of him, the more there was. You began to really get into it, using both hands to pump him while taking as much as you could down your throat. You had never been in this position before so you glanced up to see if he was even enjoying this only to find him with both his hands placed firmly behind his back, his teeth gritted.

“Legoshi...” you called in a thick voice that came out lustier than you intended, “relax, you’ve got to enjoy this to some degree of we’re going to get you to cum.”

You released his pulsating member and stood up, so that you could pull his towering frame down to lay on the ground. It was easier said than done but once he laid down, you mounted him.

“Calm down, Legoshi. Forget about them, okay? It’s just us here,” you whispered, nuzzling into his neck, hoping to calm him down. You were met with a strained growl in return. He was still holding back.

Your knowledge of sex education began and ended with sexual relations between Dogs, however, your own curious nature had more often than not tempted your porn searches towards the Wolf genre which was shockingly similar. You desperately tried to rack your brain to think of what to do in this situation but in almost every instance of a domesticated canine and a Wolf, there was very little for the canine to do other than simply.... submit. And that was exactly what you were going to do.

“Legoshi... let it out. You don’t have to hold back. I’m ready for you to take me,” you moaned, nipping along his jawline.

In an instance you were on your back. Legoshi hovered above you and you could tell something in him snapped. He was ready to finally let the Wolf take over.

He practically ripped your underwear off your body, prying your legs open and inhaling a long, pointed whiff of your natural essence. He started salivating immediately, seeming almost intoxicated off your sent alone.

He dove right in, not wasting a second in tasting you. His growls became louder as he lapped at the sensitive bundle of nerves between your legs.

“You taste even better than I imagined,” he growled against your sex before diving back in. You moaned as your paws found their way into the fur on his head, tugging lightly. If Legoshi was anywhere near inexperienced, he definitely wasn’t showing it.

His tongue pulled you closer and closer to the edge until you felt yourself go lightheaded. You could feel your orgasm already at its brink.

“Legoshi,” you moaned, your grip on his fur brutal as you came in ecstasy. Legoshi finally rose, his eyes feral with need. He wasted no time aligning himself with your entrance before he began to stretch you out as slowly as he could being this consumed with lust.

His growl was absolutely menacing as he bottomed out inside you, your body feeling full to the brim. He started off with a few weak thrusts before the sensation drove him to increase to a near bruising speed.

You were in heaven at the foreign feeling of being connected with another animal in such a primal way. It was like Legoshi was everywhere, hovering above you, caging you between his massive arms while he harrowed at your womb.

You were still sensitive from the previous orgasm he’d given you so the second one came suddenly, catching you completely by surprise. You cried his name in a strained, desperately horny voice that sounded almost nothing like you.

Legoshi’s thrusts became harder, with more force as his knot began to lock into place. With a few more pumps, he came with a howl, his body locked into yours by the swollen knot. You both caught your breath as the reality of the situation began to dawn on the two of you again.

“Shit, Y/N are you okay? Did I hurt you?” His exhausted eyes filling with a light panic. You brought your hand to the side of his face to stroke his fur in an attempt to calm him. From the way he nuzzled into your hand, you’d say that it worked.

“I’m fine, Legoshi. More than fine. That was.... incredible,” you didn’t miss the way his tail began to wag at the praise.

“Y/N, I-” he was cut off by the sound of the door slamming. You both looked over to see the Ram’s henchmen had taken their exits, their jobs done.

Your eyes began to feel low, and you struggled to keep them open. Legoshi noticed your spent state and wrapped his arms around you, flipping the the two of you so that you were lying on his chest. You buried your face into his soft as you slowly drifted off to sleep.

“Y/N.... I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now...” was the last thing you heard before slumber claimed you, Legoshi’s confession falling of deaf ears.