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rosemariad · 5 months ago

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THE BITTER END | SPN 15x18 DESPAIR: About that Destiel moment in 15x18

Oh boy…the scene that sailed a thousand memes (and counting)…the scene that made us all go feral in the midst of a contentious presidential elections in one of the most disruptive, chaotic years in recent memory (2020 you son of a bitch)

Now i am super late with this since it’s nearly been 4 years since this was aired live on TV and posted like crazy all over the internet BUT…y’all Destiel shippers got robbed. Not just with this scene but the whole Destiel ship in general - just done so dirty.

I started watching this show on and off back in 2021 and I finally got to finish over the summer this year (2024) taking my sweet time, even rewatching certain episodes (for some fanfic writing 😁). I went into this to settle the debate for myself - is this Destiel stuff legit? Or was it taken out of context? Misconstrued.

No. It really wasn’t. They (the powers behind SPN) tried it, tried to pull the wool over people’s heads, with certain fans chiming in (the destiel haters, the homophobes, the anti-mishas, etc.) but no. The SPN showrunners fucked all this up.

From the beginning….

So it’s 15x18 despair - we’re in the last act - shit’s popping off, everything’s going tits up - Billie is trying to hunt Dean down, calling him chaos incarnate. Dean & Cas get trapped in a room with no apparent means of escape or defense - probably should’ve headed for the exit - but I guess since it’s the 3rd to last episode and the execs clearly want things to go back to the status quo 🙄 now’s as good a time as any to cash in on that plot thread from last season and kill Castiel once and for all 😭 (as 1 person pointed out, given the prior context they probably could've just waited Billie out, since them being trapped in that room - Cas was the one that blocked the door anyhow - but I get it SPN showrunners you wanted to get rid of Cas somehow - what a mess)

If you haven’t watched it - here’s where I gasp and scoff in disbelief - please watch it https://youtu.be/l_r9GZeQl1w?si=uVox8PlXByYEYKci

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Basically Cas tells Dean he’s the greatest guy he’s ever known, that he fights for love and that Cas lurves Dean 😭 and he’s not the bad things enemies say Dean is. That he’s more than the worst parts of himself - oh Cas.

This was Castiel’s one moment of true happiness - telling the one person whom he adores more than anyone or anything else in the entire universe - that he is loved by Castiel himself.

The confession that triggers Castiel’s demise to go with the empty, takes Billie with him and before Dean can process the massive TRUTH BOMB Castiel just dumped on him, Castiel is gone.

Despair indeed.

They made too many fucking cuts to this scene, at least for Jensen’s coverage. Like if you don’t want Dean to reciprocate…fine. Don’t. But let him fucking respond! Let him use his words. Castiel just told Dean he was in love with him, that is one of the BIGGEST things you can say to somebody in your life. EVER. Especially on TV. And yes it was in love, like romantically. Not platonically because why make such a fucking fuss over fucking platonic friendship! There’s always been a tension between these 2 characters, it hung over between them since season 4. They just made it into a joke, never expecting to get the traction it did over the years. They even tried writing Cas off the show for good back in season 7. But they got stuck with Cas and never really made proper use of him. They literally just waited until the last minute to get rid of him in a way that couldn’t get the show cancelled until that decision had already been made by the network. to make things worse - COVID happened

So don’t tell me the confession doesn’t merit a response, either for or against on Dean’s part - whether he returns Castiel’s affection or not is another story but dammit let Dean speak! How could you not? Cowards!

And Would it be so terrible if Dean did feel something MORE than friendship for the only other individual that has stood by him for so many years? Like really? A relationship doesn’t demand sex (but let’s be honest, Cas probably wanted to fuck the shit outta Dean 🤣) it’s whatever the people in the relationship want! Dean isn’t young by the time s15 rolls around. Older people tend to just want someone to come home to, settle down with. Companionship. Cas fits that to a fucking T. When Dean dreamed of a future, Cas was right there with him (and Sam, cuz Dean always wants his family close as much as he can, given how he grew up).

Couldn’t find a gif of Dean talking about taking some time off after all the craziness of the hunting they do but I’m not crazy I know he wanted it.

The team behind SPN could have finished Dean’s narrative beautifully as man who was driven by fear all his life and opens himself up to a relationship he never saw coming but when the time came he didn’t run because he grew to love more than fear (and choose to live a life of peace after stuck in one of violence for so many years).

This is why Hollywood is shit! Great beginnings, shitty endings. But in this case, it was because they consistently chose NOT to indulge in queer-like narratives with enough care (aside from some other problematic stuff like the treatment towards women being more negative than positive, the inconsistent writing for characters and plot, etc.)

BUT not when it’s the main character 😡 Charlie can be gay AF but not Dean, seriously? That’s fucked. Like at least let him fucking explore/consider it. So people stop watching it who gives AF?! I never even watched the show when it was on air for 15 years, tons of people didn’t. There are still people out there watching SPN for the first time today! People who started but stopped because it’s a show that ran WAAAY longer than any other normally does.

Idk who made it so that Dean couldn’t explore his sexuality or fucked up the Destiel of it all but they SUUUUUUUUCK! You really shat the bed! at least explore it cuz at the end of the day, it may not work out. Gay relationships aren’t that different from straight relationships in that sometimes it just doesn’t work out BECAUSE we’re ALL people. And who knows maybe they could’ve been happy but we’re not allowed to know that canonically because Destiel was never given a CHANCE!

I mean if it was REALLY that big a deal – why introduce it? By making these little suggestions that (in a way that's funny but why would Dean be queer be haha funny - no that's not okay, queerness shouldn't be a joke) furthermore we’re talking about a show on basic cable - all it would’ve taken was fucking hand-holding or the same routine of staring into each other’s eyes like they’d been doing for 12 fucking years already! Just not shying away from the queerness that time. Legend of Korra did it. That 1 Disney show did it (i don’t remember the name). No kissing would’ve been necessary - nice, wishful thinking but not necessary if the kissing became an issue (but seriously it was 2020 man but ofc - that is a year where a pandemic that required social distancing decided to kick in during the final arc of this show) - just so we’re all clear COVID cock blocked Destiel lol jk 🤣

All those times they had Dean & Cas stare into each other's eyes – the forces at work – showrunners, writers, directors AND editors & the network who is showing this to audiences – if its such a big fucking deal - Don't leave it in. By leaving it in, you're allowing people to make assumptions about the relationship – it happens literally every time in every story ever told. You put 2 people in a scene and they're not family (though not always the case) or JUST friends (explicitly proven) there's a chance SOMEONE is gonna wanna ship them no matter how likely it is (OR NOT) they'll hookup or become a couple. That's just how it is. So don't fan the flames and then turn it around on fans that they're wrong, crazy or misinterpreting. If Wincest can exist, so can Destiel and any other ship. That being said, y’all Destiel shippers were ROBBED but I don’t need to tell you that.

I don’t think the relationship would’ve been perfect or smooth sailing - their friendship as it was on the show sure wasn’t. And Dean wasn’t the only one with issues - Cas had some bad qualities too - the angel liked to lie and for a while there he was extremely averse to conflict. And Dean…he gets real fucking angry 😬 not a good mix for a relationship- hell even a friendship.

But the two had a profound bond, with a great deal of affection for one another and that’s what got them through betrayal, fights, amnesia, curses, apocalypses, and all the ugliness in between. They could’ve made it. Or they could’ve just had Cas and Dean stay friends - but we’ll never know since Cas was pretty much omitted after 15x18 - there were references - like only 2 though 😒

Really SPN? 😒😔 so lazy. But sure, go ahead, blame COVID. It’s not like phones exist. It’s not like the actor couldn’t have just recorded Castiel’s voice nope. Totally not an option 🤦🏾‍♀️ same goes for the other characters - Jody, Donna, Eileen - you know all the other characters Sam & Dean cared about but sure - fuck ‘em too. Status quo is the only thing that matters - SMH.

#supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #deancas #destiel #supernatural season 15 #the destiel meme #destiel confession #spn final season #spnfandom #spn 15x18

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dedenneblogs · 10 months ago

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HEARTBREAK HIGH S2 ANALYSIS PART 1 (buckle up this is going to be a doozy)

so... it's out (the trailer).

youtube

my excitement cannot be expressed...

BUTT! today, i will be doing my iconic mouse analysis of this trailer (this is actually the first time im doing something like this so it's not rlly iconic BUTT it will be soon) with the most comprehensive inspection i can using under 2 minutes of video as a basis....

with that said lets

BEGIN!

the heartbreak highers are back for another "cursed" term....

so glad to see the trio back in action. like. actually so happy. MIGHT explode from excitement... as always, their outfits slaylay.

the boyfriends... friends? boys? BUGS??? found out on hh s2!

these goons are back... gayer then ever,,, seriously. when will these two have an episode long make out 'sesh? unlikely, to much dismay....spoiler alert...you'll see....

MISSY!!!!! and sasha, i guess

SPOILER ALERT AGAINNNN missy looks like she'll be more prominent in this season so...WIN!!!!

also why is she mewing who is rizzing up

and new on the the chopping block-- Rowan Callaghan!

we'll get to rowan when we get to rowan

in other (more important) news-- SHE'S HEALING! HARPER IS HEALING!!!

i... *sobs* i she's growing her hair out oh my GAW...... she's getting better...she... there's a lower chance she'll cock-block amerie (oh but she'll get cock [spoiler-- again!])

butt let's not celebrate just yet-- it's still "everyone hates amerie" up in this joint, smellas

may as well... shot them. huh. well. pop off, i suppose... (amerie asserts her right to bear arms-- truly patriotic coming from an aussie!)

...touché coming from the (still) most hated student in heartly who only adds salt to the wound by... using the pink 'ildo from s1 as a mic... chat... she's lost it.

(unrelated but in the background-- MISSY AND MALAKAI!!! they were building up a relationship between them in s1 and how she and her brother (i think? 'memory's fuzzy) helped him heal from the shit he had to go through in s1 and even better connect him with his aboriginal roots. i hope to see more of these two interact come april 11th and i binge the whole season)

ALSO also ANOTHER new character-- Zoe Clarke!

we will ALSo get to zoe when we get to zoe

anywho-- cue: AMERIE'S ONLINE HARASSMENT ARC! becuz every show needs one...unfortunately. Give a cold welcome to Bird Psycho, heartbreak highers (we will get to bird psycho when we get to bird psycho)

(who ever is doing this shit is a bitch but either way: "you dont get to be the hero" shut your goofy ass up)

oh that's gore. that's core of my comfort character.

ok so maybe this bird psycho cuck isnt fucking around because clearly he's gotten to our girl ams :(

(dw they uh...take her out for ice cream. after this. proabably.)

moving foward-- STAND BACK I SAID STAND BACK WEIRD GIRL QUINNI

oughh im gonna be sick. of course. OF COURSE SHE WOULD GO FULL SHERLOCK HOLMES TO HELP HER BESTIE.

yeah anyways with this in mind she'd totally try and crack the fnaf lore wouldn't she. wouldn't she.

she's slay she's girlboss but at the end of the day she's a weirdo

anywho nuff of my rambling there--

ominous of you to say zoe

BUT ENOUGH OF HER CA$$HHHHHHHHHHHH

ca$h omg eshay eshay eshay pspspspsp,,,

i am so happy to see him (spoiler alert for 2 secs throughout the whole trailer) but anywho remeber? remeber right he's in prison. but seems to be doing okay... (maybe for the best heartly drama is really coming to a boiling point)

and-- oh. uh... chicken dumbell... okay... pop off, missy...

when i said i wanted more missy i didnt expect this

spider seems to be into tho maybe what ??1/1/111.1/?!??!/1/1/1

missy x spider was NOT on my bingo card

WHEN MISSY SAID SHE WAS STARTING TO LIKE WHITE BOYS I DIDNT THINK SHE MEANT THIS.

BUUTTTttttt-- i. am. down. for. it... somehow. frankly, spider needs someone to put him in his place and low and behold, missy seems to be the student to do so..........

hey. if they're both happy with their...chicken dumbells, i am too.

amerie dont be alarmed but there's a white boy to your right

in other news this love triangle scares the diarrhea out of me

look at them. they're the perfect couple (malakai x amerie 4life) and rowan is--

well he's a nice boy but cmon

LOOK AGAIN IM DOWN FOR THEM TO BE HAPPY BUTT when it comes in between THE BEST SHIP IN THE SHOW (looks at amerie x spider shippers with affectionate disdain) i draw the line.

but who knows? rowan seems nice enough, and if he's able to make amerie happy, let them have each other! <3

also knowing malakai's track record i wouldn't put it past him to get freaky with rowan too (threesome attempt 2??? actually no wait thats a horrible idea NEVERMIND [gets s1 ep4 flashbacks])

also also "classic love triangle" scene gives major "erm...well this is akward!" vibes from ams (we stan cringey amerie in this household tho)

and well. shart. max limit of 30 photos. oh well-- ill make a second part! tune in for the update heartbreak highers :3

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pattywinchester · 1 year ago

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Suptober 2023 Day 4 -Nimbus

“Cas, I’m telling you, something’s not right. We must be a target or, at the very least, this... What are they calling it... phenomenon is somehow connected to us."

“Really, Dean, I think you are reading too much into this.”

“Seriously? Let's recap. We have been on what? Six hunts in six different cities in the last eight weeks, and in each of those cities, every night that we’re there, the sky lights up like the Fourth of July, complete with shooting stars and shit. You telling me that’s a coincidence? I don’t think so.”

“Well, in either case, it appears to be harmless. People haven’t reported any threats or destruction of property, have they?”

"No, Cas, you know they haven't. Everyone we have spoken to says it's the most beautiful thing they've ever seen."

"So, see, Dean, why worry so much. Don't borrow trouble. It's fine."

“Man, what’s gotten into you? Since when do we give crazy shit a pass just because it's 'pretty.'”

Cas shoots Dean a look and raises one brow before remarking, “I do it every day for you, Dean.”

"Oh, you're a wise guy now?" Dean says as he leans in to give his angel a kiss and a slap on the ass.

Their argument is temporarily forgotten when they end up in a tangle of arms and legs and quiet moans, causing them to get little sleep.

As they stow their gear in Baby the following day, the men overhear motel guests, remarking on the previous night's incredible light display.

“Fucking hell, it happened again. What the fuck, Cas? Don’t you think we should investigate?”

“Nooooo, I don't think so... I mean, what is there to investigate, really. What are we going to do, question the sky?" Cas responds as he shifts his weight from foot to foot.

Dean looks at Cas for a full minute before he says, "Man, what is up with you? You’re acting cagey as hell."

“I don’t know what you mean, Dean. I am behaving normally. My responses are completely natural and truthful.”

“Oh, is that right? Cas, you gonna tell me what the fuck is up? This shit is weird, even for you.”

Cas stares at Dean unblinking, not saying a word until Dean gives up, slams the trunk, and makes his way to the driver's seat. "Get in weirdo. We’re going home."

They barely reach the freeway when Dean's phone chimes in his pocket. He pulls it out, glances at it, and hands it to Cas. "It's Sam. What's it say?”

"There is some ghost activity in Lincoln. He wants to know if we are 'up’ for it." Cas says, employing his now famous air quotes that never fail to make Dean both cringe and go incredibly fond.

“I’m good if you're good, Sunshine. What do you say?”

"Sure, Dean, Let's take care of it."

They pull into the parking lot of yet another seedy motel a little after midnight. Too late to do anything at that hour, they decide to get a good night's sleep and start fresh in the morning. After hot showers and Door Dashing burgers, the two men crawl into bed exhausted. It doesn't take Dean long before he snuggles against Cas, kissing him down his neck and nibbling at his earlobe. Cas' response is immediate, as it always is, and he turns his body to feel all of Dean's body against his.

"Dean, you should sleep..." Cas says reluctantly into Dean's mouth.

"Yeah, Angel. I'm way too far down this road. There is no turning back now." Dean says, pressing his hips against Cas as evidence. "Besides, there hasn't been one night since we've been on the road that I haven't felt you inside me, and I don't plan on changing that.”

Cas lets out a strangled groan, pushes Dean onto his back, grips his wrists, and pins him to the bed. Holding nothing back, Cas gives Dean what he wants.

The following morning, Sam calls to inform the men that there have been more reports of strange lights in the sky, this time in Lincoln.

"Well fuck, Cas. Whatever this is, it's definitely following us. I don't know why you've been shrugging this off, but we are investigating right after we handle this ghost."

"Uhh, sure... it's harmless... but I suppose we can 'look' into it if it makes you happy, Dean."

"If it makes me happy? Cas, you crazy son of a bitch, since when do we hunt to make me happy? You know what, forget it. You're going to tell me what is up with you when you are good and ready, and until then, I'm doing my job and investigating this thing."

"I love you, Dean."

Although confused, Dean's agitation leaves him instantly, "I love you too, Sunshine. Come on, let's go ruin some ghost's day."

What they thought would be a routine salt and burn turns out to be so much more. As a result, they both come back bruised and bloody. Dean instantly falls asleep after Cas stitches him up.

In the morning, Dean wakes up stiff and a little worse for wear but determined to figure out those goddamn lights in the sky. He and Cas get ready to head out to start interviewing and researching when Sam calls to let them know that last night was the first night since they've been gone that there has been no anomalous activity.

"See, Dean, it's nothing. We can go home now. Don't you want to go home?"

"Well, yeah, Cas, but let's think about this for a minute. What made last night different from all the other nights since we hit the road?"

"Nothing?" Cas says nervously

Dean laughs and says, "Yeah, the only difference is that I didn't knock your socks off last night like every night."

Cas looks at Dean nervously, eyes wide.

Realization slowly dawning, Dean exclaims, "Holy fucking hell, Cas. It's you, isn't it? You're doing this?”

Cas, at last drops the façade and responds, “Yes... Not purposefully... I'm sorry... I've been trying to control it. I hope this will not impact the frequency or the intensity with which we copulate.”

"So let me get this straight, having sex with me is so good that it causes you to create a fucking celestial light show?”

"Yes, when I orgasm..."

Dean stares at Cas blankly, his mouth hanging open, eyes wide.

"Dean, say something. Are you angry?"

"Holy shit, Cas, that's the best fucking thing I have ever heard," Dean sputters, doubled over with laughter.

#destiel #supernatural #cas x dean #castiel supernatural #dean winchester #destiel fic #cw supernatural #suptober23

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nellielsss · 8 months ago

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ᴜᴘᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ: ᴀ ʟɪꜱᴛ

𐦍༘⋆ ݁A/n: Sooo... I've been in a brainstorming mood (ever since I graduated high school and had more time to think), and I have a few upcoming fics that I'm thinking about doing. I've also REALLY been thirsting over Toji like yes that is my man!! I will indeed be standing beside him. Anyway!! Here's some of my ideas in order of which one's I'm most likely to write.

Heartbreaker songfic!: one of my personal favorite Mariah Carey songs, it's such a sweet and fun bubblegum (with a mix of R&B) song to listen to! Basically in this songfic, the reader's just playing a bunch of characters and stringing them along LMAO. I felt like turning the tables on the men & making them pine instead.

Blow songfic: basically just headcanons on how the men give head. Whether it be pussy-eating, dick-sucking or ass-eating, these men are down for anything, and this details how they get down (in my opinion).

Meeting the Zen'in Clan: a Toji-centered fic, this details meeting the Zen'in Clan and how (poorly) it turns out. Basically, Toji has a grandmother who tried to care for him during his time with the clan, and she's fallen ill, so he wants to see her one last time at a banquet. Naoya, the little shit he is, somehow gathered details about reader and outs her as a trans woman in front of everyone at the table. You can guess how it goes from there!

Marriage Eyes: headcanon + mini-fic on how the guys look at you when they know they wanna lock you in.

Touch My Body songfic: a forbidden romance featuring Toji, Satoru & Nanami!

Too Much Sex: the guys love you(r holes), but it's beginning to be a little too much for you. How would they react when you instate a sex ban on them?

Beautiful Liar songfic: you're on a date with a guy, and it all goes to shit when you run into the girl they're seeing on the side. Two-timing is not your thing, so you decide to ditch him with the most attractive man you see at the bar!

Stay The Night songfic: short little drabble where you don't wanna see your man go, so you opt to have a sleepover on the spot.

The Boy Is Mine songfic: how would the guys react when the girl they've been seeing ultimately ends up being the only girl who's not murdered?

Baddest Chick Wearing Their Chain: the guys wonder how you'd look wearing their initials/name around your neck.

Honey songfic: what's one way to show your partner some love? By dripping it all over 'em, of course! (if you catch my drift)

Fashion Week: the guys start dating a model, and they get a firsthand look at the fashion biz. He wonders if the stereotype about models being catty holds up...

Gym Pics: short and sweet, self-explanatory.

Fighting a Cat?!: cats can be a pain in the ass if they don't like you, so when they finally get invited over to their girlfriends' house, the guys are at a loss when their sweet angel's sweet angel isn't exactly a sweet angel to them in private.

Hey, Neighbor!: Wisteria Lane (Desperate Housewives ref. hehe) wasn't a place where they expected to meet fine young women, but the guys could at least hope, right? So when the answer to their prayers moves in down the street, they're more than eager to go after what they've been waiting for.

Up Out My Face songfic: they know they've messed up badly, and they also know that their girlfriends have suitors lined up just waiting to take their places. So, how are they gonna go about getting them back before it's too late?

ᡣ𐭩 If you couldn't tell, I really like listening to music. Some of these might take a while (like the Zen'in Clan fic), so bear with me (ó﹏ò｡) but trust, I'll get to each of these eventually!! I also might update 'em as time goes on, just to make sure that the writing's all cohesive and makes sense.

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my-castles-crumbling · 3 months ago

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hey cas

i've just been feeing really down lately. one of my biggest issues is comparing myself to others and i know i shouldn't, but it's like once my brain gets going i can't ever turn it off.

i feel like i'll never be good enough for anything. And not really in a "i don't deserve it way" but more of a "mediocre" way. i've done so many things, picked up so many hobbies and things (thanks adhd) but even ones that i stick with for years and years, i only ever get half decent at.

i just feel like i embody the saying "jack of all trades, master of none" cause there are just so many that i can do and im good at and i love but, its like i can never get better after i hit right below the average line.

and back to the whole comparing myself to others bit, i try so hard on my content, but the ones i try the hardest at get the least amount of interaction and i hate it. i'm sure part of its just a tiktok thing, but it just makes me feel like shit and i'm constantly comparing myself to a specific content creator (which i know i shouldn't do and i try so hard not to) but the fact that we're mutuals makes me feel like maybe i need to prove myself somehow?? idk, i feel like he followed me out of some sort of obligation because we ended up posting similar video ideas literally within an hour of eachother and i feel like that (mixed with some other things i don't wanna say cause i don't wanna make it TOO obvious who it is) made him feel obligated somehow to follow me back. and idk.

he also can pull of any style or whatever he wants at any point and i'm SO jealous of that because i can't do that and i wish with everything in me that i could.

i'm just lowkey feeling like shit because i know ill never be able to get to that level and i feel like im never going to get anywhere and i just feel stuck.

anyway, thanks for listening and if u have any advice or like "coping methods" that would help, i'd appreciate it <3

Hi! I think it's really important to remember that modern content creation isn't just based on skill. It's based on like...knowledge of how to manipulate social media, and also a lot of luck.

I obviously don't know a lot about tiktok, but I'll use tumblr as an example. I write like...2-4 microfics a day. And sometimes, one of the ones I write I am so proud of. Like so excited about. And I know it's decent. But it doesn't really go anywhere. And then in the same day, I'll pull another one out of my ass and hate it and think it's shit, and it ends up getting like 2000 notes before the week is out.

It's not all based on quality or skill. It's luck. Because if another Marauders fan happens to have a fic some up on their page and reblogs, then it gets spread. and that's based on all things that don't have to do with my skill as a writer: timing, the tumblr algorithm, the other person's availability, their willingness to click a button.

Most social media is the same. So please don't take it personally. It's NOT a comment on your skill or your worth.

#ask #asks #ask cas

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brynjack · 3 months ago

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chat i lowkey forgot whumptober existed so i only started yesterday but here!! a little (2,300 words) dean x cas!! im up for criticism ofc and crucify me if the shit with the necklace doesn’t make sense because i watched supernatural once and i have erased most of the plot from memory because it was lowkey traumatizing.

truth serum, hallucinations, “why would you even say that”:

Dean was tired. At this point he was more than used to being kidnapped, he honestly expected it. But both him and Cas? Sure, Cas had been in danger, and they had contained angels before, but both of them could usually fight their way out of scenarios that they got themselves into. This time though, the demons had apparently learned their little angel tricks and had trapped Cas with holy oil, they were desperate to get their hands on the god calling necklace that dean had once had his hands on. And fucking truth serum? uncalled for, why didn’t they just torture dean like other demons, it would’ve been a lot more bearable for dean in the morning because as he felt the effects start to take hold after the cartoonishly green liquid was injected, he knew he was gonna regret about everything that came out of his mouth. it looked a bit like cas was gonna say fuck it and try to jump against the barrier of the holy oil when the demon even approached dean, but as the liquid was injected cas let out a huff, knowing the deed had already been done, and he couldn’t do much in this state except for worry, which, honestly? was pretty typical for him, especially when it came to dean. dean continued to feel loopy because of the serum but tried to spit out some words toward the demon, coming out a bit slurred as he tried to adjust to the feeling of his thoughts having no filter between his head and mouth.

“theres no point of this you know? i mean i know from the fact i have no clue who you are that you’re track record is probably not the best but like- literally this shit is pointless for you, we’re just gonna end up killing you and you just waisted that on me because i don’t even know where the necklace is- it would’ve been useful if i could’ve at least taken it from you, please tell me you have more”

the demon hisses at dean to be quiet and cas watches him closely, trying to gage how he’s feeling outside of the fact he just got stabbed with a needle and that he’s tied up to a chair in a ware house in the middle of nowhere. cas determines that he’s feeling alright despite that dean will definitely feel vulnerable from the serum later and will likely lash out. that’s not a priority for him, he’s just trying to find a window he can open somehow that will blow away this ‘damn’ holy oil. He could see dean already sawing away with the chair at the rough ropes on his wrist before the demon comes back just moments later, leaning over him and asking again.

“where’s the goddamn necklace”

“again, i don’t fucking know, haven’t had it for chuck knows how long and i think im going to escape your shitty ropes so it doesn’t even matter if i did know where it was- because i would leave before i would tell your ugly ass shit”

the demon lets out an annoyed huff, pushing over deans chair with his foot to deans chest before hurrying away, supposedly to get more rope.

“dean- is there a way you can open that window down there-?”

there was a latch to the window that went down to the basement that dean had slightly been pushed toward and he wriggles toward it.

“eh, i can fucking try, you too warm in here?” he jokes, the fire licking upward around cas.

cas let’s out a huff before explaining.

“the wind might break the flame- like when we trapped gabriel”

dean lets out a hum, clearly impressed before moving closer to the window. he turns around and reaching with a trapped hand toward the latch, pushing the window down, a cool air hitting his back as he pushes himself away. he was trying to make it not obvious what he was doing in case the nameless demon came back before the wind blew out cas’s fire, though this didn’t seem to be the case because the wind picked up quickly because the smaller size of the room in the warehouse and blew out the circle, cas stepping out and running toward dean.

“shit, i’m glad that worked, im tired of being kidnapped- and im worried about sammy, dunno where he is”

cas smiled slightly at his words, dean clearly not processing from his high as cas unties the knots around dean and pulls him up from the dirty floor by his hand.

“thanks” dean nods before almost running toward the exit that he had tracked from being dragged in here. he is still clearly careful from his whole life of training, turning around the door slowly, looking around before heading to where they had stolen the weapons off both of them, cas following close behind, trusting dean even in this slightly loopy state but being more watchful than he usually would be when on a mission. they both grab their weapons and dean searches, desperate for some of the truth serum but to no avail. Eventually they find the demon looking for them on their way out, cas maneuvering in front of dean quickly, killing the demon swiftly by decapitation from the recently recovered angel blade and nodding for dean to follow him out.

“cas- i could’ve gotten him, im not fuckin incapacitated, though that was kinda hot”

cas flushed quickly, giving him a confused look but just continuing to drag dean out of the warehouse, finally escaping and finding a car to hotwire outside. cas just assumes it’s some sort of side effect to the serum, not taking it seriously or thinking that dean is fucking with him somehow and he isnt understanding the joke. dean is looking over cas’s facial expression after seeing him flush at the comment as he gets into the passenger seat of the car after cas basically had to force him to not drive. dean texts sam and after he gets a response that he was safe he looks back up to cas.

“are you blushing?”

“dean-“

cas says it more as a warning, not wanting him to push the subject any further, knowing that dean will regret it but he cuts him off.

“cas, come on, i know people generally find me attractive, and im just curious is angels can also find things attractive, i know you can’t possibly like me, im an asshole and i mess everything up, but physically, are you blushing because of that?”

cas looks around before he pulls off the side of the road, slowly and careful, expression neutral. he turns suddenly and grips onto deans shoulder, almost cutting off circulation as he pushes the other man to look at him.

“dean winchester, you are not an asshole and you do not mess everything up, you are human, and you love so much- you made me love humanity because you love so much“ cas has to clear that up, other questions leaving his mind as dean, the man he abandoned god for, assumes that he is not lovable.

dean seems frozen, almost in shock, and confused.

“cas- i have almost ended the world a multitude of times, and i have fucked up your life, and i’ve hurt everyone around me and pushed everyone away, you can’t say that i have made you love humanity, you don’t mean that”

cas gives him an almost bewildered look, analyzing his expression and recognizing dean’s vulnerability in his words, even if he is not in a stable mind right now, and seems like he might fall and hit his head on the dashboard, he means it all, and seems very effected by this thing that he has considered a fact.

“i have killed many, i became god for a sense of control, i am aware of your mistakes and your unwillingness to share and i will always choose you, because you care, you do it all because you want to help and save people, because you love people. we all make mistakes, and you have made them for the right reasons and it is important that they are mistakes, and you don’t mean them to happen.”

cas is almost tearing up by the time he’s done speaking, just wanting dean to see. he needs him to understand how he sees him. he lets himself a rare moment of grabbing both his shoulders, just so he knows dean is looking at him, and making sure he’s not going to fall on the dash.

dean looks like he’s going to throw up or pass out, eyes darting everywhere, and eyebrows knotted together, blinking away a headache that he didn’t notice he had before. he doesn’t understand, in all his years, all the mistakes he’s made, especially with pushing away cas because of there being something there that he deeply does not want to acknowledge with himself and especially not with cas. how in the hell could cas love him so fucking much? dean was not ready to decide if it was romantic or not but it sure as hell was love. and cas was gripping his shoulders but all dean wanted to do was lean down and fucking sleep. he wanted to get out. he wanted the headache to go away. he wanted to stop running his godforsaken mouth. but he just mumbles his thoughts again.

“how the hell can you love me?”

cas’s face breaks into a faint smile at just the acknowledgment, almost embarrassed.

“i don’t know how not to”

dean just sighs, searching cas’s eyes for any indication of what he was feeling for dean but he found a look that he’d seen before on cas’s face, so he couldn’t really discern it, especially in his drowsy state, so he just leaned his head forward, almost hitting cas’s nose with his forehead on the way down.

cas just smiles a bit more at the action and pushes dean back into his seat more comfortably, taking the car out of park and just continuing to drive back to the bunker, only about 20 minutes out, just hoping dean says loopy for a bit longer so he can at least get him to bed. cas is unsure of the effects after the medication but he was sure it wouldn’t be comfortable for dean so he wanted to get him home where he had some supplies to help him at least. maybe pie would calm him after this conversation, cas decides he will get some after dean has fallen asleep at home.

after a silent car ride back, dean seemingly quite out of it the whole ride and cas just letting him fade in and out of awareness. once they got back cas touched deans forehead, healing him, he still seemed loopy but at least the hammering headache faded quickly as the light radiated from cas’s eyes. dean lingered on his eyes for a moment, mumbling something under his breath but cas was too worried about getting him to bed to acknowledge it, especially if it would cause another conversation that dean would regret in the morning. cas left the stolen car right outside the bunker, deciding it may be useful later and got on the other side of the car to help dean to not fall on his way in and down the stairs, walking him down the hall, dean only not pushing him off because of his nausea and the conversation they had before. cas sets dean in the bed, where he quickly moves to lay down, hoping his nausea will improve after he does so, leg twitching a bit. cas walks out and dean grumbles a bit at the loss but he comes back quickly with a glass of water, pushing dean up to sit as he hands it to him to drink. dean nods at cas thankfully and sips the water slowly before handing the empty glass back to cas and cas puts it in the kitchen before returning.

“do you need anything else?” cas obviously seems worried, looking over dean.

dean simply grumbles a no and motions cas out.

“no watching me sleep, makes me feel weird”

cas just complies, walking out, a bit surprised at the explanation as dean usually just plays it off as odd behavior. cas shrugs it off and flies to the local gas station to pick up some of deans favorite things, paying and flying back, putting the supplies away and peeking in to see dean fast asleep and deciding he will be alright until morning.

dean wakes up with another pounding headache and memory of things he would rather not think about, grumbling loudly as he sits up, massaging his temples. cas hears the groan and knocks before stepping in at deans mumbled approval, just stepping forward and healing deans headache with no shared words.

“thanks” dean mumbles, unfortunately more clearly thinking about last night, getting up to get himself coffee as he just walks past cas, unsure what to say, if anything, just not wanting to talk about it. cas silently follows but opens up the fridge and nods to it.

“i got supplies if you want anything”

dean looks where cas has nodded and sees bacon, mood lightening a bit as he pulls that out and a pan, as well as some eggs that were there before. cas sits at the table in the kitchen, just watching as dean prepares the food, seeming a little reserved but happier than when he woke up, sipping on coffee.

“how are you feeling?” cas asks, quietly, almost like he doesn’t want to interrupt deans mood.

dean mumbles his response, but it’s better than cas’s expectations.

“i’m alright, just, that was fuckin weird”

cas huffs a little laugh at the sentence, partially out of relief. he just did not want dean to regret the conversation. he knew full well that he was conditioned to not let out his feelings, real conversation was rare, but dean seemed a step below neutral, mostly because of cas’s responses to his vulnerability and cas not acknowledging everything. maybe he could address some of those things that he decided to spout. someday. but for now, it was just time for breakfast.

#whumptober2024 #ailesswhumptober2024 #spn #destiel #dean winchester #whump writing

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acecookie13 · 1 year ago

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Marauders Band Au

“Reggie are you almost here it’s about to start?” Sirius yelled into the phone, obviously trying to talk over some sort of noise on his end.

“Just coming through the door now Sirius don’t get your knickers in a twist and for the love of god, don’t call me Reggie!” Regulus grumbled into the phone as he glanced around.

The room was packed. People took up nearly the entire floor, making it difficult to breathe never-mind move. The air was humid and Regulus could start to feel himself break a sweat. There was a median sized stage at the back half of the room with speakers stacked on top of each other until they were taller than Regulus quite substantially. Regulus glanced around, past the drunks at the bar and the stoners in the corner until he caught a glimpse of his friends.

At the corner of the room, not too far from the stage, stood Regulus’ four best friends. Dorcas could be seen wearing a sequinned, dark green dress and texting on her phone, completely ignoring whatever Barty was rambling on about this time. Pandora was next to Cas and seemed to be wearing a white, floral dress that went down past her knees( Regulus thought this was a brave choice on her part). Finally, just in front of her, he saw Barty and Evan barely standing as Evan leaned up against the wall to support Barty who now appeared to be hanging on to Evan for dear life. Evan was in a white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans (the most casual Regulus had seen him in years) and Barty was in a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans, similar to Evan’s just slightly darker. Barty looked well on his way to getting shit faced while Evan looked slightly more sober and was just trying to support Barty in his drinking escapade.

Barty had made a bet with himself at the beginning of the year that he would drink a spirit from every country possible that year. Now, it is March and Barty has successfully tried a spirit from 23 different countries (well he says successfully, however after the Wales incident Regulus wasn’t as optimistic as Barty) The most he’s managed to tick off in a night was 6 ( Germany, Russia, Switzerland, France, Greece and Spain) in a total of about 4 hours out.

Regulus tried to make his way over, pushing passes the sweaty, dancing people who moved on the beat to House of Fun by Madness. The whole night was a tribute to Madness that Sirius had begged Regulus to attend as his band was playing. Regulus didn’t want to go, he doesn’t really like leaving the flat but he made a promise to Sirius that he would show up and he couldn’t be bothered with Sirius’ incessant nagging.Also, he had never seen his brother’s band perform before and was very hopeful that their gig would be a total flop, as to allow Regulus to take the piss out of his brother for at least a year. He really hoped this was the case.

Pushing past a group of people who looked off their heads, Regulus finally managed to reach his friends. The corner they were in was the least grimy in the entire club as the floor wasn’t drenched in sweat or sick yet. However, a closer look on Barty’s face did not fill Regulus with hope that it would be clean for much longer.

“Barty, if you throw up on me i hope you know i will castrate you with a pair of scissors!” Regulus piped up when Barty’s eyes finally work their way onto Regulus.

“You wouldn’t dare Reg, or Evan might actually start cryi… ouch!” Barty shut up pretty quickly when Evan elbowed him full pelt in the rib cage.

“Good to see you Regulus, I was starting to think you weren’t gonna show and then I would’ve killed you for condemning us to this absolute torture!” Dorcas pulled Regulus into a sidewards hug and ruffled his hair, much to his annoyance.

“I wouldn’t miss my brother making a total tot of himself for all of the gems in the crown jewels!” Regulus joked causing the group to break out in laughter.

The lights in the club, somehow, grew dimmer and a spotlight shone out, illuminating the stage. The crowd began to quiet down as the band made their way into the light.

Sirius had given his brother a brief rundown of the band members and what they looked like, so he wouldn’t be completely lost on who everyone was. Regulus, unsurprisingly, didn’t care about the other members, and was only there to support (cough mock cough) his older brother. However, this rundown did seem to come in handy as he managed to recognise all of the band members based on Sirius’ precise, if anything a little biased, descriptions.

The first member of the band to walk on was a small, meek looking man who was wearing jeans and a plain t-shirt that’s only notable distinction was a red plaid pocket, making him very non descript. However, non-descript was the exact term used by Sirius to describe the fashion sense of one Peter Pettigrew. Regulus’ assumptions were proven correct when he saw the man approach the guitar that was leant up at the right side of the stage and placed the strap above his head, proving that he was the rhythm guitarist.

Next to walk onto the stage was a very tall looking guy who was very handsome, in Regulus’ opinion. He was wearing an oversized jumper that looked like it belonged to someone three times the wearer’s age and a pair of jeans accessorised with some black, doc marten boots with red, plaid laces. The light hit the boy’s face which illuminated a soft, silver-ish scar right across his nose, and some soft freckles which, combined with the jumper, made him seem very friendly and attractive. This one was also very obvious to Regulus of who he was. This was Remus Lupin.

Sirius went on for an hour about Lupin and Regulus got the feeling that Sirius didn’t feel entirely platonic towards the boy. Regulus could see why, with how attractive he is standing in that light.

Lupin picked up the heavy looking bass guitar and started to fiddle with it as the next person made their way onto stage. Regulus wasn’t paying much attention to what was going hope, hoping that they would all hurry up and get in with the show so that he could go home and sleep, praying that his brother didn’t take too much longer to get on stage. So Regulus was entirely unprepared for what he saw before him as he looked at the stage.

The person that had made their way on stage had not been his brother, but the last member of the band otherwise, the drummer. Regulus had heard so much about the drummer throughout his life from his older brother, him being Sirius’ best friend, but nothing could’ve prepared Regulus for what he saw on the stage that night. The boy that Regulus had never met and who he never particularly liked the idea of meeting. He looked up and saw the face on one James Potter.

James was one of the most beautiful things Regulus had ever looked at in his life. The boy had unruly hair that looked like there had been some attempt to tame it but to no avail. His skin was golden like the sun and his eyes were a pool of caramelised chocolate hidden behind the gold frames of his round glasses. He was quite tall but still looked short in comparison to Lupin. He was adorning a white t shirt with a band logo on it that Regulus vaguely recognised from Sirius’ wall as the Rolling stones. His jeans were a bright blue and he had a red, plaid jacket on. To match his jacket, his shoes were bright red converse that looked worn around the sole. He looked truly ethereal.

Regulus was stunned. He had heard of James Potter many times before from his brother but he never would’ve imagined that he would be so handsome. As James raised his hands dramatically and bowed to the crowd, Regulus noticed the golden ring that adorned his left middle finger and the matching golden chain found around his neck. Regulus rolled his eyes at this display of idiocy and when he looked back, James had moved to go and sit behind the drum kit.

Lastly, Regulus noticed a long, black ponytail walking onto the stage. Sirius.

Sirius was in a cropped t-shirt with a queen logo adorning the front (Sirius was impressed that his brother actually knew who queen was) and a short, red, tartan skirt that watched with the plaid the other members seemed to be wearing. Regulus had only just picked up on the pattern. His shoes were platform heel boots in black leather and he was wearing his signature leather jacket. The bright light of the spotlight made Sirius look very pale, other than the dark lines around and under his eyes and the dark red lipstick that he was, surprisingly, rocking. His hands were adorned with many silver ring and more jewellery than Regulus thought was necessary. However, looking at the fact Regulus was currently wearing 8 rings just to go to his brother’s gig, he believed maybe he couldn’t pass judgement.

“ Jesus Christ, it is just a a dick fest in here!” Dorcas piped up as the band started to mutter amongst themselves.

Regulus grinned at his friend before he opened his mouth and said, “ this is payback for the amount of times you’ve dragged me to your girlfriend’s gigs” Dorcas chuckled at this and shoved him slightly.

Sirius took a look around of the audience and his eyes caught on his brother. His grin grew wider than Regulus thought was possible as his brother winked at his brother. Regulus rolled his eyes but smiled back at his brother. Sirius looked forward and began to speak into the mic.

“Good evening She’s, he’s, they’s and gays. Are you ready for some Madness.”

The crowd screamed in response and it took off Regulus’ efforts to not walk straight out of there. He hated loud noises and large crowds so this was his hell. But looking up at his brother made him realise he had to stay. For him.

Fuck. “ Well ok, if you insist.” Sirius grinned at the crowed before he turned to the back and nodded at his best friend. Regulus heard a deep but light and happy voice shout “ Let’s go” before the sound of the cowbell showed the intro to baggy trousers.

Regulus laughs as he watched his older brother jump and run around on the small stage like it was Wembley. He shredded on the guitar in a manner that didn’t really fit madness but no one in the audience seemed to mind. He really did know how to engross an audience.

The next song, our house, started and Barty began to scream loudly before he yelled,” I love this song so much, Ev, Reggie come dance with me.”

And maybe it was the fact that his brother was playing, or the fact that he’d had quite a bit to drink ( curtesy of Pandora who was convinced he needed to bring a flask with him to the show), but Regulus decided to screw it. He grabbed Barty and Evan and pulled them further onto the dance house and they jumped up and down to Our House. Dorcas and Pandora were still in the corner but dancing together as they watched the boys make total arses of themselves. But they didn’t care. They were having fun.

After about an hour, including Barty running to the bathroom to throw up half way through House of Fun, Pandora pulling Regulus in to dance during Embarrassment and Dorcas screaming every word to Driving in my Car with his brother, Sirius approached the mic and said, “Right, this is gonna be our last song of the night, but to finish off the show i’m gonna swap places with our drummer as he sings you the final song. So come on everyone, give him a round of applause.”

A loud applause erupted as Sirius got up and went to sit at the small piano that seemed to be situated next to the drum kit . The drummer, James, stepped up to the front of the stage and placed the guitar over his head before speaking into the mic.

“ Hello, ladies and gentlemen, have you enjoyed the show?” Everyone whooped and shouted ( including Barty and Evan who were even more drunk than before) “ well we have one more dog for you that i’m gonna sing so please join in if you know the words and feel free to dance along.”

The first chords of the piano echoed through the place and the crowd erupted with applause. James opened his mouth and began to sing. His voice was slightly more gravelly than Sirius’ but it was beautiful and fit the song wonderfully. Regulus couldn’t tear his eyes away from the boy whose voice mesmerised him. Sirius had moved onto the drums as well as the piano, multitasking as the show off he is.

Regulus’ eyes never left James as he continued to watch the man sing. However, in the sax solo that was changed to guitar ( played by peter this time) James looked into the crowd and caught his eyes. He seemed to visibly soften and tense at the same time, as he gazed in Regulus’ eyes. Regulus had no clue what to do, he was caught in a stale mate with James potter.

James began to sing again but he never took his eyes off Regulus as he sang, “ It must be love, love , love” to Regulus and Regulus alone.

The song finished and the crowd burst out in applause and loud whooping but Regulus just looked at James as the drummer smiled softly at him and winked before turning away. Regulus felt his cheeks heat up as he watched his brother and the band walk to the front and bow before their adoring crowd. Regulus didn’t know what to do.

But as his brother looked at him, Regulus tried to forget the butterflies in his stomach that appeared when James had sung to him as he applauded his brother and rolled his eyes at this antics. He tried to forget…

he tried and failed.

I can’t work short stuff so this happened when i wanted to write a short fic idea one day. Also, i’m not sure how well written this is so if there are any issues please let me know. Hope you enjoy.

#marauders era #marauders fic #regulus black #slytherin skittles #maurauders era #starchaser #jegulus #jegulus fic #the marauders #dead gay wizards from the 70s #band au #wolfstar #dorlene #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew

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deancasswitchbang · 2 years ago

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a lilac sky

Author: Dothraki_Shieldmaiden (@dothwrites) Artist: BoeyBite (@boeybite) No Major Archive Warnings Tags: Genderqueer Castiel, Gender Questioning Dean, Bisexual Dean, Panty Kink, Castiel in dresses, Dean in dresses, self-discovery, Gender Roles (and the lack thereof), mentions of domestic/physical violence, internalized homophobia,

Summary: 'Bisexual' is an identity that Dean Winchester is only just becoming comfortable with when he meets Castiel Novak. Fortunately, Cas is hot, smart, and enthralling enough to make Dean forget all about panicking over dating his first man.

Dating Cas, however, forces Dean to confront his own identity and fears in ways he never anticipated. Preview: Dean is saved from being trampled by his runaway thoughts by Cas’ hand gently cupping his cheek. “Dean,” Cas says, kinder than anyone has a right to be. “It’s okay. You don’t have to panic or pretend. You’re safe here.” Cas says that, but Dean can’t force himself to believe it. His father’s voice echoes in his mind, deriding Dean for sketching when he was bored, for picking a soft pink top. “Put that shit away,” John says in his memory, “you’re not some damn pansy.” Dean swallows at the kick of remembered shame and repressed anger. Never two emotions that go well together, they mingle in his gut like curdled milk on top of hot sauce. “Dean,” Cas says again, somehow managing to turn his name into a caress. His thumb sweeps over Dean’s skin. His thumb, with its bright blue, sparkly nail. It’s so smooth. Dean knows that if he were to put his lips over the painted nail that they would just skate over, smooth as silk over glass. “Do you want me to paint your nails?” Something tight and uncomfortable clenches around Dean’s throat. Over thirty years of repression proves a difficult thing to breathe around. In the end, Dean can only nod. “Okay,” Cas says, easy as if this happens every day. His hand pulls away from Dean’s face, leaving his skin cold, and Dean whines in discontent. The clinking sound of glass against glass heralds Cas’ return, however, and he sits down on the mattress. He holds two foam toe separators in his hand and gestures down towards Dean’s feet. “Do you mind?” he asks. Dean shakes his head. He breathes deep and even to control himself as Cas picks up his feet and gently works his toes between the cheap foam. It’s far from the most intimate touch they’ve shared — Cas’ fingers and cock have been up Dean’s ass for Christ’s sake — yet this feels more momentous than even that. Like Dean is taking a step and no matter what he does, he can’t undo it. Then he sees Cas’ nail polish reflected in the lamplight and thinks about how Cas navigates his life. How Cas wears what he wants, when he wants, and how he isn’t afraid of anything. How comfortable he looks as he moves around Dean’s house in his yoga pants or in one of his dresses. The simple smile on Cas’ face when Dean tells him, perfectly honestly, that he looks pretty. Dean wants… He wants to be pretty too.

POSTING BETWEEN APRIL 23rd AND MAY 6th, 2023!

#deancasswitchbang #dcsb #dcsb2023 #a lilac sky #Author: Dothraki_Shieldmaiden #Artist: BoeyBite

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ailesswhumptober · 3 months ago

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chat i lowkey forgot whumptober existed so i only started yesterday but here!! a little (2,300 words) dean x cas!! im up for criticism especially because i dont write a lot and crucify me if the shit with the necklace doesn’t make sense because i watched supernatural once and i have erased most of the plot from memory because it was lowkey traumatizing.

tw: needles

truth serum, hallucinations, “why would you even say that”:

“where’s the goddamn necklace”

the demon lets out an annoyed huff, pushing over deans chair with his foot to deans chest before hurrying away, supposedly to get more rope.

“dean- is there a way you can open that window down there-?”

there was a latch to the window that went down to the basement that dean had slightly been pushed toward and he wriggles toward it.

“eh, i can fucking try, you too warm in here?” he jokes, the fire licking upward around cas.

cas let’s out a huff before explaining.

“the wind might break the flame- like when we trapped gabriel”

“shit, i’m glad that worked, im tired of being kidnapped- and im worried about sammy, dunno where he is”

cas smiled slightly at his words, dean clearly not processing from his high as cas unties the knots around dean and pulls him up from the dirty floor by his hand.

“cas- i could’ve gotten him, im not fuckin incapacitated, though that was kinda hot”

“are you blushing?”

“dean-“

cas says it more as a warning, not wanting him to push the subject any further, knowing that dean will regret it but he cuts him off.

dean seems frozen, almost in shock, and confused.

“how the hell can you love me?”

cas’s face breaks into a faint smile at just the acknowledgment, almost embarrassed.

“i don’t know how not to”

“do you need anything else?” cas obviously seems worried, looking over dean.

dean simply grumbles a no and motions cas out.

“no watching me sleep, makes me feel weird”

“i got supplies if you want anything”

“how are you feeling?” cas asks, quietly, almost like he doesn’t want to interrupt deans mood.

dean mumbles his response, but it’s better than cas’s expectations.

“i’m alright, just, that was fuckin weird”

#submission #ailesswhumptober #day eleven

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nightcall99 · 11 months ago

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Dream from 23.2.24.

Dream 1: I'm with a bunch of people and we are at the cinema watching a big blockbuster film. It's all going as normal but then toward the end, the movie abruptly stops playing and suddenly I am receiving a visual of an urgent disaster situation that is happening outside. It's not just me, everyone else knows it too. There are massive fire engines driving past, the sirens bleating. I see fire and destruction in the streets as if there is a huge emergency happening. The energy is not one of fear and panic necessarily but the air is pregnant with urgency and foreboding.

We obviously don't watch the rest of the movie. I am just sitting there not really feeling any type of way. Then without any motion on my part, the cinema seat turns into a seat on a carriage of a moving train. And so now I'm suddenly on a train. This happens simultaneously to the whole audience in the theatre, an instantaneous gliding from one form to the other. Everyone is on the train. It seems that this is a unique feature of the cinema that gets automatically activated during emergency situations such as the one we're currently in. I marvel at how amazingly well the emergency evacuation plan has been executed. The technology is so advanced and absolutely impeccable.

The train travels through a section of the rail-line which is a dark tunnel. The energy of it reminds of the train trip that I used to travel on frequently ('the city loop') which runs underground through several busy stations in our central business district. We've barely even travelled a few stops before it's already time to disembark the train. I am telling the group I am with that there's no way we're supposed to get off already. It feels like we've barely travelled any distance at all. But then I realise we actually have arrived at the destination, which is the train station in front of my old house. For some reason, I kept thinking that there's another 3 stops left to go. The energy of this reminds me of when I was a teen and had to take the train home everyday from school. I always had to get off at the interchange station, at which point it's another 3 stops until I reach home. I say to no one in particular, Damn... I didn't even realise we're here.

Not far from the station is a park which is where the group of us are now. I'm standing by myself on the grass at the top of a hill. I look at my phone. Seemingly out of absolutely nowhere, on my screen is the TG group chat. More specifically, what I am seeing are messages that were sent by CA to the group chat. She has written a few short paragraphs basically defending me after I left (in this dream the chat wasn't deleted, I simply left). She is being very understanding and basically telling people in the nicest way possible not to judge. It is her characteristic very calm and impartial sort of energy. I am very curious to know why she felt the need to do this at all so I scroll up. Right after the notification that says I left, there are people posting comments of surprise, just basic shock or whatever. I recognise the energy signatures of those who had sent these mild messages, though I can't name any of them. However, there is this one lady who I do not recognise. She wrote a long essay basically shit-talking me, saying things like, how could she have done this, she's so disrespectful blah blah. This lady seems so irrationally angry for no reason. I saw you say something snarky and sarcastic in reply to her (lol). The energy was that basically most people besides you and CA thought I'd gone off the rails. Even Mort was saying something to the effect of, I always knew she was crazy.

Anyway, I was reading these messages from on top of the hill or wherever I was, and I was smirking. I thought it was funny. It was a knowing kind of vibe, idk how to explain it. But the thing I was most impressed by was how this all came to be without my even lifting a finger. The app just somehow re-installed itself back onto my phone, it magically registered me with a new account, and conveniently scrolled me back to exactly where I had last left off. I thought it was pretty amazing that this happened 'by itself'. In the end, although I was glad to be back, I didn't particularly feel like saying anything in that moment so I put my phone in my pocket. I would deal with it later.

Then in the next scene I am in a moving van, sitting in the backseat with my sister. My mum is driving and this exact lady who was complaining about me in the chat, is sitting in the front passenger seat. I don't know how my mum knows this person since she isn't the sort of person that my mum would typically associate with (it's a white lady). When the lady looks in the back and realises I'm there, she starts shit talking about me right away. I don't think my mum is really listening. The lady is looking at me and I stare right back at her while giving her two middle fingers. She shows no reaction, but continues to complain to my mum about me.

Dream 2: We're in some weird outdoor bar and MN is there. But he turns into my old manager (AM) at some point and then maybe back again. There is some water filtration contraption/system which has our current focus. It is an intricate set-up of laboratory glassware designed to filter water and is probably a few metres high. It looks really complicated. MN is using it to preparing water for his own personal use. For the journey ahead. I feel dread because it’s mine and AL's turn next to use this contraption and I have no idea what to do. I don't know if we'll be able to figure it out and it doesn't seem like MN/AM is very open to helping us out. Perhaps he's in a hurry. I'm not overly concerned though, I kind of assume we'll just figure it out as we go along. It always works out for us in the end, anyway.

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sarah-dipitous · 1 year ago

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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 313

Byzantium/The Witchfinders

“Byzantium”

Plot Description: the Winchesters cut a deal with a surprising ally to save Jack — who’s being stalked for his soul — as Castiel faces a new threat

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I’m not surviving this, emotionally. Dean not being able to handle Jack potentially dying—hold up, did Jack just die?!

Everyone is taking this just SUPER well and normally. No one is blaming themselves and playing the guilt olympics, and if you can’t tell that’s sarcasm….

So is this idea for the surprising ally (who seems to be Lily Sonder, the woman who was suspected to have given birth to a nephilim) come from the three of them getting sloshed?

Noooooo. I recognize that from the extended destiel news meme. It’s not good if that’s chasing Jack

This is such an ass pull of a plot. Lily is going to somehow get Jack (who’s dead) to use her magic that taps into the power of the human soul, and Cas is going to pull Jack’s soul from heaven to do that, AND they have seconds to do that.

Cas…I get that you can MAYBE go into heaven and MAYBE find Jack and MAYBE convince him to come back. But you do sound a little stupid saying “shouldn’t Jack decide for himself [to come back from the dead]?”

Wait wait wait, CHRISTIAN HEAVEN HIRED AN EGYPTIAN GOD TO BE THE JUDGE OF WHO GOES WHERE AFTER CHUCK LEFT?! I’ve seen and heard some shit on this show but come on

JACK WENT TO SEE HIS MOMMMMMMMM. Oh her realizing that the reason Jack is here too 😭😭😭

Oh thank god… I thought those angels were dead. Not that angels haven’t been complete dicks most of the series but we only have a season and a half left. We do not have time for the ramifications of heaven completely losing power and all human souls being ejected. We don’t even have a new ruler of hell

Oh no, Lily…that’s not a lot of white beads. See, now we get into the dilemma of season one of the good place. Even if Lily spends the rest of her life doing good deeds, she’s doing them for a self-serving reason, so the goodness cancels out

Fuck. It DID kill both the angels AND Naomi. So that’s like half of the angels that were left

Ok… I hate the shadow (the entity that controls the empty) for wanting to take Jack, but watching it in Dumah’s vessel kick Cas’s ass……..kinda hot

Omg Omg Omg Omg…CAS JUST MADE THE DEAL THATS GONNA LEAD TO THE DESTIEL NEWS MEME. He’s gonna go to the empty in Jack’s place, but he meant now. And the empty was like “yeah, I’ll take you instead, but on MY time, when it’ll hurt YOU the most” if megumi wasn’t asleep on my chest I’d be SCREAMING right now

Ok it didn’t actually kill Dumah, that’s good

Did Lily…yeah. Of course they brought a woman back to some relevance to the plot just to kill her off.

One action changed her entire outcome? I’m not mad, narratively, but logically I’m a little perplexed

Seeing the four of them sharing burgers and beer around the table in the bunker 🥰

“The Witchfinders”

Plot Description: The Doctor and friends encounter a witch trial and King James I in the 17th century

$20 says either the Doctor or Yaz get accused of being a witch by the end of this episode

Graham’s so useful for grandfatherly advice and figuring out where you are in the UK no matter the century

Well…luckily no one took me up on that $20 because they’re posing as a Witchfinder General and company. Though turns out, there was just like one dude who said he was a Witchfinder General, but no one actually gave him that title

It’s really the way the group keeps getting split up. Normally it’s the Doctor saying “I’m gonna check this out. Don’t go anywhere,” and then the companion fucks off anyway. But this group. Since there’s four, you almost have to split up? But that means the Doctor isn’t really close to any of them, for some reason

OMG that IS Alan Cumming!! Omg King James is…..infuriating, and this lady really thinks that killing everyone in this town will save the town?

The lighting change whenever they start talking about hunting witches and defeating Satan is kind of stupid but mostly camp and I like it

Ryan comparing sad backstories with King James is rather funny

Oh fuck. Oh yeah. I honestly don’t know how I feel about this alien matter reanimating the dead “witches,” but if they go after the people who killed these women….I’ll feel less bad about it

There it is!! I get my $20. I knew the Doctor would be accused of being a witch, the sonic screwdriver really did her in

Wait wait wait…why did they go directly to some necromancer when the word Doctor was mentioned?

“I could show you everything if you stopped being afraid of what you don’t understand” goes hard. It’s a good lesson

Of course it all goes back to the lady who owns the land. Something’s wrong with her

She can control the alien mud? Why? Girl. You chopped down a tree and made it everyone else’s problem??

You literally just heard the story about how becka chopped down a tree for foolish reasons, got sick from this alien mud, and now the thing possessing her is telling you that the lock on the prison keeping the Morax army at bay was broken, and you ask what the lock was???

DO we need to save King James??

I’ve read too many fanfics to not giggle every time the Morax queen talks about filling people

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

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myaimistrue · 3 years ago

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my gift for the wonderful @lotsofquestionslimitedanswers as part of the @starrynightdeancas gift exchange! i hope you love this sweet bit of fluff as much as i loved writing it <3

also available on ao3

Cas has fought celestial battles. He has seen the rise and fall of human civilizations, he has razed cities and healed kings, and he has been the only thing outside of God’s control. Yet somehow, someway, he is being bested by a pan of scrambled eggs.

He lets out a string of curses he would never have even dreamed of fifteen years prior, and carefully carries the smoking pan to the trash can. He dumps as much of the blackened lump as he can unceremoniously into the trash can and sticks the pan, still coated in bits of burned eggs, back on the stove.

Cas is trying to make breakfast to bring to Dean in bed. He’s doing okay, he thinks, except now there just won’t be any eggs. Or pancakes. (Cas actually thought the batter turned out pretty nicely, but when he went to pour the first bit into the pan, his hand slipped—he spent a good twenty minutes cleaning all of that up.) At least there’s still bacon. Shit, the bacon!

Cas rips the oven open, still cursing, and just barely remembers to put an oven mitt on before he pulls the pan out. Thank God, the bacon is on just the right side of burnt, sizzling and crispy but not blackened yet. He breathes a sigh of relief, and sets the pan down carefully beside the other on the stove. Well, Dean’s always enjoyed bacon the most—if breakfast is just that, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Cas figures he can at least make some toast to go with it. Unfortunately, he forgot to buy more bread at the store yesterday, so there are only three pieces left, two of which are end pieces. He toasts them all, gnawing on a thumbnail and trying to convince himself that Dean won’t hate all of this.

Cas has only been back, free from the Empty and fully human, for a month. It’s been a good month, mostly, full of reunions and laughter and slowly but surely figuring things out. He and Dean share a bed now, share a life in a way they never did before, and it’s good. Cas is learning to be human again, and every step of the way, Dean is with him, endlessly patient and gentle with all of it, seemingly happy just to be with him at all. And Cas gets to kiss Dean when he wants, gets to hold his hand and brush his fingertips along the crinkles at the corners of Dean’s eyes, and every day, he gets to tell Dean he loves him.

The only problem, really, is that Dean hasn’t said it back yet.

Cas knows Dean loves him. It’s clear now—it was clear from the moment he stumbled out of the Empty and into Dean’s trembling arms—and Cas understands that Dean shows it in different ways than words. He shows it in the way he sat with Cas for an hour helping him learn to tie his shoes, the way he makes PB&Js without complaint whenever Cas requests them, the way he slides his hand into Cas’s while driving and runs his thumb back and forth along Cas’s palm. Regardless of whether he says it out loud, Dean loves Cas with such ferocity that Cas sometimes worries he can’t match it.

So Cas is doing what he can: he’s making breakfast in bed.

He arranges the limited food on an old wooden tray, along with two mugs of steaming coffee and a jar of Dean’s favorite apricot jelly that he did remember at the store. Cas studies his handiwork critically, then adds a few napkins (amidst all the change, Dean remains a very messy eater). The end result looks nice, Cas thinks. Better than he worried it might, at least.

Slowly, carefully, Cas makes his way out of the kitchen, and to the bedroom he now shares with Dean. The door is cracked from when Cas left earlier, and he can see the corner of the bed, the way Dean’s pulled all the blankets over to his side. Cas smiles at how familiar that’s become lately—it seems that with the luxury of his own bed, Dean is loath to share the covers; Cas steals them back all night long, but it works out because Dean puts up with his kicking.

He creeps in and sets the tray down on his bedside table. Then, unable to resist, he slips back under the covers and wraps his arms around Dean. Dean stirs somewhat awake, and wiggles back into Cas with a satisfied hum.

“Morning, sunshine,” Dean says sleepily. “Where’ve you been? ’S early.”

“Uh, I was…” Cas glances back at breakfast, and he thinks it looks measly now, small and poorly put together. “I made breakfast. For you to eat in bed.”

“...You made me breakfast in bed?”

“Yeah,” Cas says quietly, tucking his face in Dean’s neck, enjoying the closeness but also trying to hide his embarrassment. “Is that okay?”

“What? ‘Course it is.” Dean sounds like he’s smiling, and Cas can see it in his mind’s eye, that dreamy thing that only comes out when Dean is extremely relaxed. “It’s sweet.”

“Sweet,” Cas says, testing the way the word feels in his mouth.

“Yeah.” Dean’s still half-asleep, unfiltered and unencumbered in a way he rarely is, even now. “You’re real sweet to me, Cas. Always are.”

“Even though the breakfast isn’t good?”

“What?”

Cas sighs. “I messed up the pancakes and the eggs, and there wasn’t enough bread. It doesn’t look good like it does when you make breakfast.”

“I don’t care about that,” Dean says, a little more awake, his voice sure and strong. “I’d eat concrete if you made it for me.”

At that, Cas feels the knots in his stomach begin to unwind, feels his heartbeat slow to match Dean’s. He kisses the back of Dean’s neck, lips lingering on sleep-warm skin. Dean shifts closer.

“We’d better get up,” Dean murmurs. “Don’t want the coffee to get cold.”

“Or the bacon.”

“You made bacon?” Dean sits straight up in bed, sniffing around in the air like a bloodhound and apparently completely awake. Cas rolls his eyes and flops over into the warm spot he left behind, pulling the covers up and over himself again. “I can’t believe I didn’t smell that. Damn, Cas. You outdid yourself.”

“I don’t know about that,” Cas says. He peeks around the blankets as Dean grabs the tray and settles it over his legs eagerly. “It’s not—”

“Oh hell yeah!” Dean looks down at him with a brilliant smile that seems to make everything else around them go dim. “You got the apricot jelly stuff?”

“Yeah.” One thing Cas had done right. “I picked some up at the store the other day. I know it’s your favorite.”

Inexplicably, Dean’s ears go red. “Thanks, Cas.”

“Of course.” Cas sits up and studies Dean’s face like he has for years. Dean’s expression is a little difficult to read, but he’s still smiling. Cas feels himself start to smile, too. “So this is okay? You like it?”

“Dude.” Dean looks at him incredulously, but it’s good-natured, fond. “You’re as bad as me. I’m telling you, this is great. I don’t think I’ve ever had breakfast in bed before. And it’s…” Dean goes red again, this time all the way to the apples of his cheeks, but he continues on valiantly. “Nobody’s ever done the shit you do for me. And I’m so fucking lucky, it’s ridiculous, and I…” The hush of their bedroom seems to grow, to expand, as Dean glances at the tray then back at Cas with some huge emotion behind his eyes. “I love you.”

Cas blinks. “You—”

“I love you.” Dean says again.

“You love me,” Cas repeats breathlessly. He knew it would come eventually, he did, but this—this is worth the wait.

“I love you.” Dean laughs like he can’t quite believe it, like he’s so happy it’s ridiculous, it’s impossible. “Holy shit, there it is. I said it. I love you. You made me breakfast in bed, and I fucking love you.”

Cas surges up, unable to hold himself back any longer. He takes Dean’s face in his hands and kisses him as deeply as he can, as deeply as he’s ever wanted to. Dean is surprised at first, but meets Cas in the middle like he always does, takes what Cas gives him and then takes some more. They only separate when the tray is in danger of tipping all of their breakfast over onto the floor.

“Let’s eat first?” Dean says sheepishly. “And drink the coffee?”

Cas’s face hurts from how hard he’s smiling. “Yeah. Okay.”

So they sit side-by-side in bed on top of the covers, sharing bacon and toast, sipping coffee between secret little smiles, and Cas relishes every bit of it, every human moment. He watches Dean chew, enraptured by the image he makes: the sunlight behind his head a halo, the holiness of his soft grey shirt and sleep-mussed hair, and all of it, eclipsed the golden shine of a soul Cas can no longer see but can feel—even in his humanity, he knows he can feel it.

“I love you,” Cas says.

And when Dean says it back, his face is more beautiful than anything in heaven.

#starrynightdeancas gift exchange #deancas #destiel #deancas fic #destiel fic #spn #del's writing #offbeattraxx #userzaddy #gardenercas

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bisexualvampires · 3 years ago

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to be merry and bi (6k)

summary: Deciding to rent a lake house for Christmas with everyone they love seemed like a great idea at the time. Dean and Cas are building a life together, finally finding the tools to do it right this time. Dean still has his hard days, but seeing an ex-hunter therapist for the past few months is helping him accept that he deserves his happy ending.

Read on ao3

It’s Christmas Eve. Supposed to be one of the most wonderful blah blah pie and partying family days of the year. Time to appreciate crap and send all the shit to the back of your mind for one day and be merry and gay, damn it.

And he could - be merry. Put up a show. The gay part sure as shit wasn’t going nowhere.

He’s got everyone here. Everything he’s ever wanted.

So why was his heart racing so damn fast and his voice trapped in his chest; his thoughts moving faster than Sammy at last call at the salad bar?

Why was he sitting here, exhausted and alone, like a miserable bastard, watching as the people he loved enjoyed themselves? Made plans. Moved on from the horrors, if only for a day.

The warm lights of the Christmas tree reflected in the amber liquid in his glass. The rim was dusted in sugar and pressed with some kind of edible Christmas pudding picture, curtesy of Claire. He’d lost track of the time he’d been nursing the drink. The ice was long since melted, but his knuckles, still weeping a little blood from a cut that kept reopening, were otherwise stark white from his grip. Dean thought again about joining them all. Painting on a bullshit smile and baking up his famous Christmas pie for dessert. But he couldn’t.

He wanted to, so badly. But he couldn’t.

He wasn’t deep enough in his shit to think he wasn’t wanted there. They’d all reached out more times than he deserved. But he was so damn tired. So trapped in a vicious state where everything inside him is so loud - too loud to make sense of. Right now, he couldn’t speak if he tried.

It was a hell of a thing, he’d come to learn: not wanting to die, but having no damn idea how to start living.

“It’s a process,” Seb’s voice rang in Dean’s head. “There’s freedom to starting over. Only you know the life you’ve led and the things you’ve faced. Whether you’ve accepted it yet or not, you’ve survived it.”

Dean swirled the whiskey around in his glass, watching Sam hoist Eileen onto his shoulders to fix mistletoe to the wooden beam spanning the ceiling. It was like watching television; everything felt far off and false. Like they were all still trapped in Chuck’s favourite snow globe, just waiting for him to shake it up and let fresh chaos rain down upon them again.

They were free. Cas, Sam, everyone he loved, they were okay. Dean had survived, the shrink was right about that. Accepting it… that was the hard part. Seemed like a bullshit answer when Seb repeatedly reminded him that it would take time. The fact that Dean had sought out help at all – even Dean had to admit he was pretty proud of that. But Seb wasn’t there to “shrink Dean’s head” or make a lifetime of crap disappear with a couple of hundred bucks and a few round trips into town. He was just… there. And somehow, the son of a bitch got it.

It helped that the dude knew the life. Seb was an ex-hunter; born and raised in it, like he and Sam were. The first few sessions, Seb had done most of the talking, mostly because Dean flat out refused to go first. He wasn’t about to go spilling his guts just because this dude had spilled his fair share in the past. Seb didn’t go into detail; he was always careful to say just enough to let Dean know he understood the kind of horrors he’d faced, but never pushed too far. Never played the game of Who Had It Worse. It wasn’t about that.

Seb was one of a handful of ex-hunters who’d took to school after leaving the life. Couldn’t quite shake that instinct to help people, if only in different ways. Dean had to hand it to the guy, it was a damn good call. The dude wouldn’t – couldn’t – tell him how many other hunters he had pencilled in his dorky little diary, but it was enough to know there were others out there. Like Dean.

It was enough to know when he felt like a lost cause that he wasn’t the only one.

He was alive. He was building a life. He just had to learn the right tools to be a part of it.

Dean glanced toward the kitchen, catching Cas laser focused on fixing the reindeer headband on Jack’s head. The kid was grinning up at Cas, an oversized Christmas jumper drowning his body. Nothing but pure joy on his face. Dean made the mental note to sew it up for him; shorten the sleeves, take in the arms. Maybe pry off a couple’a those bells while he’s at it.

When Cas was done, he gave Jack a thumbs up. The whole rented cabin was decked out in enough lights that Dean was sure the damn thing could be seen from space. It was funny how it all felt black and white compared to that smile on Cas’ face.

That’s what a dad should be, Dean thought. His Cas – he was never meant to be a father, but he took to the job like he was born to it. He loved that kid, and Jack loved him too. Shit, part of Dean knew Jack loved Dean too.

His chest swelled, and Dean wanted to smile so badly right then. But there it was: that emptiness. That damn void that choked off his lungs and took all his energy to just sit there and fight off the darkness or numb feeling within, whichever got to him first. His lungs gave a painful squeeze, his breathing shallow. The palm of his hand was sweating, marking the glass with condensation. Everything felt too loud, too much, too sudden. And at the same time, he felt like he wasn’t enough. That none of it was enough. That it couldn’t be real because he didn’t deserve it to be and he'd been ruining it all by pushing them away when all he really wants to do is–

Dean stood. He left the undrunk glass atop his chair and walked on silent feet from the lake house. It was easy to slip by unnoticed; the looping Christmas playlist and holiday cheer still going strong.

It was early in the evening; the pale sun lost behind snow filled clouds, already threatening to retire for the day. It was cold enough that the windows were ringed with frost and the door handle like ice to the touch. In the two hours since Jody and co arrived, another couple of inches of snow had fallen. The only footprints belonging to a solitary bird; it’s red and brown feathers puffed out in an almost perfect circle. The rainbow-coloured lights running along the exterior of the building sparkled over the snow.

The cold air stung at his lungs, but at least now he was breathing again. With every step, the muffled Christmas songs faded away with the knot in his chest. By the time he reached the frozen lake, Dean’s boots were starting to fill with snow. The lone wooden bench he’d stupidly been hoping to use for fishing on this trip was at least four inches deep in snow, too. Sighing, he used his forearm to wipe away a spot over the backrest of the bench and sat, resting his feet on the bench seat.

He gazed out at the snow-capped mountains encompassing the lake, their broken reflections cast upon the ice. Here, the world was cold and quiet in a way other than what Dean was experiencing inside. It was peaceful, instead of suffocating. Calming, instead of lonely.

The melted snow in his boots forced Dean to focus his body. To remind him to try those stupid jedi mind tricks Seb had trained him in. He let his attention flow to his feet, feeling the cold, the weight, the minor aches and pains. He breathed. He felt that weight creep up his calves, reaching his knees. He inhaled, long and slow. When he felt his legs relax with the reminder that he was the one in control of them, he focused on his arms. On their strength, on the small cuts and bruises along his knuckles. He relaxed his palms on his thighs, feeling his shoulders droop as he exhaled.

He kept it up until he felt in control again, until his lungs belonged to himself and not his fear. When he was ready, when his heart was calm and his voice rose about the surface once more, Dean leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his knees, to take in the beauty of this place for the first time since they’d arrived.

It was hard to imagine ice becoming warm, trickling water; snow giving way to green grass and soft earth for flowers. But this was different to the quiet at the end of the world. This was real, temporary as it was.

It was life.

And Dean Winchester was alive.

A familiar rustle sounded to his left, and Dean felt the heat of his angel’s wings ward off the cold before Cas came into view.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean smiled softly, pulling Cas’ hand from his shoulder to press a kiss to his warm palm.

Cas frowned, his head tilted to the side as he studied Dean through weary eyes. “You’re cold.”

Dean shrugged. He dusted off a pile of snow to his right and scooched over to give Cas the mostly dry patch he’d made with this ass. He knew what Cas wasn’t saying – what he wouldn’t say. They’d talked it out plenty, how to handle his bad days. It was hard to fight off the guilt of having one of those days on what’s meant to be a good one.

But Cas had ‘em, too. Nothing this good, this important, came without work.

Dean slipped his fingers through Cas’ own once the angel was at his side. “Missed you,” he mumbled softly, his eyes fixed on a branch trapped in the icy lake. He didn’t need to look to know Cas was smiling. The angel’s thumb trailed along the back of Dean’s own, and Dean settled into awareness of that touch; how it made him feel. Safe. Loved. Home.

“I missed you, too,” Cas said. His voice was gruff, but faintly amused. Something in his tone warmed the chill of Dean’s heart. It meant a lot to realise, even in quiet ways, that whatever dark shit was going on inside Dean wasn’t destroying this thing with Cas just by being near him. That Dean having a bad day, didn’t have to mean he was making everyone else’s worse. He’d spent enough time believing that his very touch, his presence, corrupted.

He thought about all the work he’d put in, for himself, for his family, for Cas. How hard he’d been fighting that familiar instinct to burn it all down; to make everyone see the world for the ugly thing it is. To make some smart ass remark that was really only meant for himself.

He didn’t have to hate the world for all the horrible things it had done to him. He didn’t have to hate himself for all the false choices he’d been given, and worst paths he’d taken. The angel at his side, he’d given Dean the tools to save the world. It was up to Dean now to build something beautiful from it.

So, Dean breathed. He watched the sun dip lower beyond the mountains, and acknowledged the cloud of breath that plumed from his nose with each breath. He rested his head on his angel’s shoulder, and slowly felt the world become a vast and infinite thing once again.

Snowflakes began to fall in earnest, like the white clouds above rained down upon them as the sun dropped beyond the mountains. The flakes were huge, weighing down his lashes and clinging to his cold-flushed skin. He realised then how warm the rest of him had grown, and shot a glance at the invisible wing wrapped around his torso.

“Put ‘em away, hot wings,” Dean joked, “A little snow don’t hurt.”

A single brow rose on Cas’ forehead.

Since the dude came back with his full mojo intact, he’d taken every chance he got to stretch his feathers and show off his superpowers again. Not that Dean was complaining. Didn’t matter a damn to Dean if Cas came back halo or no, so long as he came back to Dean. So long as he stayed.

“You complained since Charlie suggested the trip about the affect of snow on the Impala,” Cas deadpanned.

Damn straight. “And I agreed to leave her at home, didn’t I?”

Cas rolled his eyes and shoulders in one dramatic movement that made Dean want to push him off the bench and jump his bones right after. But the angel’s eyes softened as he said, “We should go back.”

Not yet. Though Dean felt much better now, his thoughts clearer than they’d been in days, he wasn’t ready to go back just yet. It was a damn fine thing having everyone they loved under one roof for the holidays, but nothing cut it like getting time alone with Cas.

“Nah, they don’t need me grinching up the joint,” Dean teased. He should have realised Cas would miss the mark and assume that meant “I’m feeling sorry for myself” and not “I need a little more time to make a move on my hot angel.” Which was stupid really. It’d been over a year since they’d finally, finally confronted this thing between them. This was the second Christmas Dean had woken up with his face buried in the angel’s neck, Cas’ lips pressing kisses to his forehead. Whispering those same words that’d once got him torn away from Dean for the worst weeks of his damn life. And still, no amount of time would make Dean believe that he’d gotten this lucky.

He was holding his best friend’s hand. He could lean in right now and kiss him, and tell him for the thousandth time how loved Cas is. It would never get old.

“You’re staring,” Cas pointed out, without a trace of bemusement on his face. “What are you thinking?”

Dean broke into a grin. “You ever made a snow angel, angel?”

A small “v” knit between Cas’ brows, and god, it was beautiful. “I don’t understand.”

Without hesitating, Dean leaned in and kissed the concern on Cas’ brow away. Hand reluctantly pulling out of the angel’s grasp, Dean swung his legs over the bench and gestured to the snowy ground behind them. He was going to regret this in a minute if it didn’t end with him being crushed into a pile of snow beneath the full weight of his angel.

His knees cracked in protest as Dean carefully plopped himself down onto his back in the snow. Cas stood, his eyes raking unabashedly over the exposed sliver of skin at Dean’s navel as his shirt rode up. Dean winked, and at the flush of Cas’ cheeks, he felt some much needed warmth pool in his chest.

“This is how it’s done,” Dean said, waving his arms through the snow to create a wing effect. Cas watched, his expression a mixture of confused and unimpressed but reached out to help Dean back to his feet without comment.

Dean shook off the snow, all too aware of the wet patches running all along his back. Certain there’d be puddles in his boots by now if the melted snow hadn’t already turned to frost between his toes.

“Not bad, huh?” he nodded to the flailing Dean-shaped print on the ground.

Cas had that look about him, one of Dean’s absolute favourites. The guy could scowl professionally, but that sparkle in his eye gave him away. He loved that sparkle. It was practically foreplay.

In a flippant gesture, Cas pointed to the snow print. “That’s supposed to be an angel?”

Dean scoffed. “Can’t all be as handsome as you, partner.” Oh, his plan was working nicely, he thought as Cas rolled his eyes. “Think you can do better?”

A muscle in Cas’ jaw twitched with the effort to keep up that stoic, holier than thou angel crap. Cas had plenty of ways of smiling without actually doing it. And Dean loved every one of ‘em.

“This is silly,” Cas grumbled, but dropped to a crouch on a fresh patch of snow regardless. He lay motionless, staring up at Dean expectantly with his waning patience clear on his face.

Dean bit his lip to keep from laughing. “Lookin’ good, sunshine.”

“Dean.”

“You gotta move your arms, buddy,” Dean flapped his arms at his sides in demonstration. An idea hit him then, and Dean motioned for Cas to wait. He pulled out his phone, turning his back to his wrathful snow angel and lifted his phone high to fit them both in frame. Dean smiled wide at the camera and snapped a picture. Opening his camera roll, he immediately zoomed in on the background, finding Cas glaring at his back, one brow raised on his forehead.

“That’s one for the family album,” Dean smirked, turning back to Cas.

“This isn’t funny, Dean.”

“Aw come on, it’s hilarious,” Dean insisted. “Now show me those wings.”

A smug little smile spread across Cas’ face. A moment later, the soft crunch of snow sounded and two massive wing prints pressed into the snow.

“Holy shit,” Dean breathed. He’d seen Cas’ wings before; towering shadows in flashes of lightning or scorched into the earth. He didn’t want to think about the latter, not ever. This was different. Even in the fast fading light of day, the perfect imprints of feathers seemed to glisten.

Cas got to his feet but Dean’s attention never strayed from the snowy wings.

“I don’t mean to brag, but I believe I win this game of yours,” Cas murmured against Dean’s neck. A pleasant shiver ran down Dean’s spine as Cas snaked his arm across his back, his fingers closing over Dean’s own.

Something swelled in Dean’s chest; not pride exactly, but something other. Something close. Awe and admiration didn’t cut it either. He knew Cas was awesome; that, physically, he was far more than a sexy guy with a hurricane of power all tucked up inside. Dean looked between the two angelic prints next to each other in the snow… one magnificent, one laughably pathetic. There was a time when this would have scared the shit out of him; sent him into a months-long spiral, convinced that the void between the angel and him was too vast. That it was impossible Cas could ever feel anything close to how Dean felt about him.

He knew better now.

Dean pulled up the camera app on his phone once more, snapping a photo of the print. It was humbling, for sure.

Was it weird to call wings beautiful? Seemed like a stupid question to ask, so instead Dean squeezed Cas’ hand in his own. He forgotten all about how cold he was until he felt the heat of Cas’ palms. Angel mojo or not, there was no hiding the pink tip of Cas’ nose.

Dean shifted a little to get a better look at the man he loved. The tips of Cas’ ears were bright pink. His dark hair dusted with snow, and his eyes so bright and brimming with fondness that Dean felt his own cheeks heat.

Cas’ hand moved to Dean’s chin, his thumb slowly brushing along his jawline to tip Dean’s head up. All these years of standing too close, heart racing so hard it felt like it would burst through his ribcage like a cartoon, his lips parting unconsciously for a chance to taste the angel on his tongue. There was nothing to stop them now. No more cosmic cockblocking.

“Cas?” Dean whispered, knowing in his heart that the name would always be a prayer on his lips.

His angel stepped closer, dropping Dean’s hand to brush a melting snowflake from his brow.

The way Cas looked at him, like an angel who’d found all the answers to his prayers in one man. There was a time this intensity scared the hell out of Dean, too. Looking back, he realised there’d been a lot of things he’d been afraid of.

He used to think fear was something he could kill. Losing Cas last year – that shifted something inside Dean, permanently. Set a lot of things straight and brought a lot of dark shit to the light. Dean had never been a child, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t an angry little kid inside him, facing all the cruelty of the world with nervous hands and a heart so big it threatened to break all by itself. He’d learned that it wasn’t violence he feared, but gentleness. It was being known, really known, that scared him shitless. No one knew Dean like Cas did. No one so kind and selfless and hopelessly adorable had ever seen all of Dean and loved him because of it. Forgave him for all of it.

Every day for three hundred and seventy odd days, Dean has faced the challenge of looking in those angel blue eyes, seen himself reflected within, and dared not to pull away. He’s allowed himself to touch and be touched in every way he never dared dream of. Trusted his angel with every last inch of his body and felt only pleasure. No fear. No shame.

Dean leaned into the gentle fingertips that caressed his face and pressed the tip of his freezing nose against Cas’ own. “Thank you,” he whispered in the barest space between them. The words dispelled the last of the lingering darkness inside him. His arms curled around Cas’ waist, pulling his body close. Right now, he couldn’t get close enough.

Cas’ head tilted the slightest bit, his eyes never leaving Dean’s own. “What for?”

For all of it, Dean thought. For saving him in more ways than he could count. For loving Dean and letting Dean love him in return. For coming back to him. For every nightmare he’d soothed away with soft kisses and whispered promises, every sleepless night he’d curled himself around Dean’s body, watching over him, and every bleary morning that seemed too good to be true. For being the friend he is, the father he is. For every healing touch and sarcastic comment, every exasperated eye roll and every stupid fight. For everything he’d ever done, everything he’d ever been, and every stray path that led them down this road. For being the one thing Dean had always wanted. But more than anything…

“For staying.”

Dean shut his eyes automatically at the admission, feeling his feet sink into the earth and the weight from his shoulders fall away like drifting snow at the relief.

The answering kiss Cas pressed to his lips was so gentle, such a delicate, questioning thing. Closer to the idea or a dream of a kiss.

The love of his whole damn life smiled so wide it almost broke Dean’s heart all over again.

“Of course.”

Nine thousand, four hundred and seventy-one hours since Dean Winchester gripped Cas tight and saved him from the Empty. Three hundred and ninety-four days since Dean had first kissed Cas, his face streaming with tears and his heart pouring long-kept secrets. Fifty-six weeks of happiness; in having, in being, and in saying all they’d never dared admit all these years. And still, Cas smiled as he watched his truth settle in the blush of Dean’s ears and the twitch of the corner of his lips.

A full grin broke out on the angel’s face. It was one thing to have his full grace intact; his wings no longer bent and broken. It was another gift entirely to see the whole of Dean again. He’d missed the ability to see the radiance of Dean’s soul; a bright and burning thing, guiding Cas home with more certainty than any star ever could. To see the flare of Dean’s joy light up his soul because of Cas – because Cas was Dean’s happiness, too.

Cas pulled back the smallest amount, watching in awe as Dean slowly opened his eyes. Between his fingers cupping Dean’s cheeks, he could see the stunning flush of colour brightening around the freckles. Snowflakes fell on Dean’s long lashes, bringing all the shades of green in his shining eyes to life. Plumes of breath ghosted between them in the freezing December air.

Dean held Cas’ stare. The angel felt no shame in the intensity of his admiration, but it was a rare thing that Dean didn’t try to shy away. Instead, Dean leaned forward, his lips already parting for a kiss. But Cas leaned away once more, the grin on his face fading to the sweetest of smiles when Dean looked at him in question.

Cas was quiet as he traced the pad of his thumb along Dean’s lower lip. Watched as Dean’s mouth opened for him instinctively. He tracked the snow as it kissed Dean’s freckles, falling down his cheeks and coming to rest by Cas’ fingers.

“You’re beautiful,” Cas breathed. “All of you. You are so beautiful, Dean.”

He felt the rush of heat on Dean’s cheeks, eyes dropping to his mouth when Dean nervously licked his lips.

“You’re… you –“ Dean’s words died on his tongue as Cas pressed two fingers to his lips. Their eyes locked as Dean gently bit the tips of Cas’ fingers, his tongue pressing between them. A soft hiss escaped Cas’ lips and the pleasant shiver that danced along his spine had nothing to do with the steady drop in temperature. With his own lip trapped between his teeth, Cas tilted his head back and looked down at Dean’s lips as he slowly removed his fingers. Dean’s eyes were glazed, the weight of his body now resting mostly against the angel’s torso.

“You gonna kiss me about it or not?”

Cas smirked at the hoarseness of Dean’s voice. He ran one hand along Dean’s jaw, coming to rest on his neck. Could feel the erratic pulse of Dean’s heartbeat beneath his fingers. With his other hand, he raked his fingers through Dean’s damp hair, fist closing at the back of his head. It was difficult to fight off the smile as Cas recalled the last conversation they’d had about Dean’s hair, in the smallest hours of the night with nothing but their skin to separate them. How happy the soft, grown out length made Dean. How it gave Cas something to hold on to.

Without giving himself time to overthink it, Cas knocked Dean to his back in the snow, laying his full weight atop him. Their lips crashed together, mouths parting instantly to deepen the kiss. Dean’s hands were ice cold on Cas’ skin as they dipped beneath his sweater, pulling him closer still by the hips. At either side of them, the print of Cas’ wings remained undisturbed, flaring wide in a perfect display of blasphemy. Already, they were panting, rutting, breathless and desperate for more, always more.

“Love you so damn much, Cas,” Dean managed between kisses. Cas’ breath hitched as Dean focused his attention to his neck, his hips rolling against Cas’ own.

Dean was cold. Winter had no affect on an angel, and though he could heal even the most minor cold, it was Christmas. And there was a perfectly warm bed waiting for them just a few blocks away. But Dean kept kissing along Cas’ jaw, breathlessly whispering a string of “I love you, I love you, don’t ever leave me again.”

A soft groan left Cas’ lips as he pressed Dean harder into the frozen earth, kissing him senselessly, desperate to get closer, starving for more. His grace glowed beneath his skin. It didn’t matter that he’d heard the words a hundred times before. Dean loved him, Dean wanted him, and there was no getting used to the overwhelming joy of it. Of being loved. Loved by Dean. Cas trailed one hand beneath the waistband of Dean’s pants, and Dean gasped at the shock of cold. He paused, waiting for an indication to stop or keep going. He allowed Dean to roll him on to his side, their legs tangling and fingers fumbling for zips and buttons.

Dean’s hands were pinkened with the bite of frost. Cas caught them between his own, blowing warm breath against them.

“You’re too cold,” Cas said heavily, the admission like a tragic defeat.

Dean pushed a leg between Cas’ thighs. “’m fine.”

Cas glared. “You could die.”

Dean smiled against Cas’ lips. “I dunno, man. Seems like a good way to go.”

“Dean.” Cas said, his voice deep and the set of his jaw stubborn.

“Come on, sweetheart. I’ll make it worth your while,” he said, pulling back enough for Cas to see his ridiculous pout.

Cas kissed him sweetly, tangling one hand in Dean’s hair before pulling it gently to break the kiss. “I thought we were done dying for each other.”

Dean sighed, nuzzling into Cas’ neck. “Yeah, yeah.” Already he was sniffling, and Cas suspected the close proximity had as much to do with needing warmth as it did needing him.

Cas sighed, contented, if a little frustrated their fun had to be cut short. For now, he told himself, eyeing the darkening clouds above. With one hand, Cas redid the buttons on both of their pants, his other stroking through Dean’s hair. “I love you, too, Dean,” he said, his voice losing strength with the enormity of the words, even as his heart beat stronger than ever. “I’ll love you long after this world fades, no matter what the future brings. You’re alive, Dean, and you’re mine. You’ve always been my heart.”

Dean held him tight enough to cut off his air supply. It was another perk of being an angel; to be durable enough to carry the enormity of love this human man had in his patchwork heart. Dean’s whole body seemed to collapse in relief against him, his exhale long and shaky. Cas wrapped a wing around him, shielding Dean as best he could until he felt that his heartbeat steady once more.

“Merry Christmas, sunshine,” Dean mumbled against Cas’ neck.

“In a few hours it will be,” Cas wondered aloud. Midnight wasn’t far off, and he found he was excited to spend a holiday with everyone they cared about. His family.

Dean pulled back to look him in the eye, mischief gleaming in his own. “I hope so,” he said, wagging his brows.

Cas sat up despite Dean’s protests, rolling his eyes hard but losing the battle against his own hopeful smile. “You did promise to make it worth my while.”

“That I did,” Dean managed to pull him in for one last, gentle kiss before Cas pulled him to his feet. “Guess it’s time to go be merry and gay, huh?”

Cas tilted his head. A smile crept along his lips as he nodded in agreement. “In my case, yes. Merry and bi for you.”

Dean snorted. “Well, you got me there, sweetheart,” he said, curling his fingers through Cas’ own as they made their way back.

Stepping through the door of the lake house, they were met with a wave of heat and the overwhelming scent of cinnamon and clove. One glance out of the corner of his eye had Cas’ heart squeeze in relief.

Dean was smiling again.

Dean pressed a quick kiss to Cas’ cheek and mumbled something about a sewing kit. Cas supposed he should take the opportunity to give Claire her gift a day early but found her and Kaia wrapped in an embrace beneath a bundle of mistletoe Eileen had hung up. Neither girl noticed his arrival, so Cas left the gift back beneath the tree, smiling fondly to himself.

An hour later, three mismatching tables had been pulled together and set with steaming bowls of food and several bottles of mulled wine. Rowena sat at the head, swirling the wine in her glass, deep in conversation with Eileen. Sam sat to Eileen’s right, and beside him, Kaia was fixing the braid in Claire’s hair. Jody and Donna faced them, causing Cas to smile shyly as they teased the girls about them both being almost as lovesick as Dean and he were. He sat next to Charlie, who was currently fixing a paper hat to a bemused Stevie’s head.

A moment later, Jack came into view. His Christmas sweater no longer covered his hands or hung almost to his knees, and along with the bells, some of the flashing reindeer ornaments from the tree had been added.

“They match my antlers!” Jack said, pointing to his flashing headband. “Dean did it for me! Doesn’t it look awesome?”

Pride swelled in Cas’ chest at the unfounded joy on his son’s face. He looked up to see Dean dropping into the seat opposite him.

When Jack wasn’t looking, Dean rolled his eyes at the flashing sweater, but the affect was entirely lost with the smile tugging on his lips.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said, reaching out to squeeze Dean’s knee beneath the table.

Dean swallowed hard and nodded. Turning his attention to Jack, he said, “looks awesome, right?”

Dinner lasted late into the evening. It was hours before anyone but Cas felt up for moving from the table to the huge living room, but the open fire was too enticing.

The music and merriment went on long into the night. Cas, Dean, and Jack had arrived at the lake house the previous evening. It had been such a long night of putting up decorations (Dean was particularly proud of his contribution of a cowboy hat at the top of the tree) and watching reruns of old Christmas movies that Dean had fallen asleep in his boots and jeans the moment he and Cas had gone to their room.

After their long journeys and heavy meal, it was hardly midnight when one by one, everyone slipped away to their room in anticipation for Christmas morning.

The cold moon of winter bright through their bedroom window; the air charged in anticipation. Cas led Dean to their four-poster bed. The embers in the fireplace opposite and glass lanterns at either side of the bed were all that lit the room.

Learning the map of Dean’s body was much more an honour than a process. Cas knew that if he placed a hand on Dean’s chest anywhere below his second rib, Dean would inhale the softest breath. If he held fast to Dean’s hip, Cas’ thumb would fit perfectly to the groove of the bone. He knew that running his fingers along Dean’s softened belly would cause his best friend to shut his eyes, exhaling softly into the safety of the touch. Yet every now and then, Dean still managed to surprise him.

Twelve years Cas had watched over Dean; stealing glances that broke his own heart all the while. Thirteen months, he’d spent rebuilding his beliefs. Finding faith in a love he never dared imagine he could have. Cas, no longer an angel of heaven, an agent of fate, but a person of his own. He’d torn out the pages his father had written for them and found healing in rewriting their story.

For millennia, the angel believed faith was a thing of duty and obedience, servitude and suffering. Without the wrath of a god grown bored, Cas found that faith was family.

He found that he was loved, more dearly and in more ways than any angel in history had ever been.

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added/removed!) <3

@floorcas @emeraldcas @supernatural-jaeger @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie @jactingjoices @fandoms-and-things @caskarass @you-cant-spell-subtext-without @jacobglaser @destieldisaster @fanguuuuuurl

#its a little angsty for the first quarter but its all fluff from there!#if i forgot to tag anyone i'm so sorry!#first writing I’ve been able to do in ages 😭#destiel #deancas #christmas fluff #dean winchester #castiel #ao3: fallenangelofthursday #destiel fics #bi dean #giving dean the gift of therapy and gay [gunshots] 😌#my writing

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perlukafarinn · 4 years ago

Text

(ao3)

The day starts out pretty unremarkable. Dean wakes up at the crack of dawn to Cas slipping out of bed for his morning jog. He pulls him down for a good-morning kiss that turns into a make-out session that turns into them trading lazy handjobs and then falling asleep in each other’s arms again.

Their actual start to the day is around ten AM, when Cas finally gets up for his jog and Dean gets up for his cereal and a scroll through the morning news. He’s on the look for hunts, mostly out of habit since there’s been very little monster activity since Chuck went and fucked off for good. He doesn’t find anything this morning but that’s hardly a surprise. It’s been a couple of weeks since they’ve been out on a hunt and that inactivity, weirdly enough, is starting to bother him less and less.

Cas comes back from his jog about an hour before noon and with the mildest of prodding convinces Dean to join him in the shower. Afterwards, they throw together a lunch made from yesterday’s leftovers, taking their time eating and playing footsie under the table, because that’s apparently the kind of couple they are.

Usually by this time of day, Cas would be off in the Men of Letters’ library working on translations or cataloging and Dean would be on the phone helping Garth help out young, out-of-their depth hunters or in the garage, working on one of the beautiful but sadly neglected vehicles left behind there decades ago.

Today, both of them are seemingly feeling kind of lazy and so hardly any work gets done. It’s not until late in the afternoon that Dean feels the urge to do something productive and suggests they go out for groceries, which Cas readily agrees to.

The ride into town is quiet. Cas plays his mixtape - the damn thing should be worn out by now and Dean should long since be sick of it but for reasons too sappy to mention he isn’t - and they sit and listen in comfortable silence. It’s not until they pass the town hall on their way to the supermarket that Cas gets a contemplative look on his face.

“Should we get married?”

Only years of experience behind the wheel prevent Dean’s hands from twitching wildly and veering them into oncoming traffic.

“What.”

Cas looks over, frowning. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Is there any reason for us not to get married? We’re already planning on staying together for the rest of our lives.”

“Is there any reason-” Dean wheezes. “What the fuck, Cas? Is this your idea of a proposal?”

“Are you saying no?” Cas asks, mildly curious, as if they’re talking about the fucking weather and not getting married. “Because we don’t have to.”

Dean stares ahead, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. “Are you actually asking?”

“I suppose I am.”

“You ‘suppose’,” Dean mocks. “Gee, Cas, that’s real romantic.”

“Will you marry me?”

Dean pulls over. It’s far too sudden, probably leaving tire tracks in the concrete, and the driver behind them honks his horn loudly as he passes. Dean ignores him, taking a deep breath as he finally turns to face Cas.

“Are you sure?”

He doesn’t really have to ask - Cas wouldn’t have brought it up if he wasn’t sure - but he needs to hear it.

Thankfully, Cas seems to get that. “I want to marry you, Dean. Do you want to marry me?”

“Son of a bitch,” Dean breathes. “I mean - yes. Yeah, I do.”

Cas nods decisively. “Alright then. Now?”

“Now?”

It’s not exactly how Dean imagined this scenario would go (not that he - shut up) but it’s somehow the most romantic fucking thing that’s ever happened to him since Cas first told him he loved him. And hey, this time no one had to die!

They turn around, since there’s no point in going in without (forged) birth certificates. Once they get to the town hall, shortly before closing, they find out that it’s a three-day mandatory waiting period between applying for a marriage license and them actually being allowed to get married.

Cas suggests they use the interim time to pick up wedding rings. They wind up spending the next day driving to Topeka, where they find a couple of silver rings in a pawn shop. They’re tarnished but otherwise in good condition and once they get home, Dean spends the rest of the evening cleaning them while trying very hard not to think about just what they’re for.

The second day, Cas spends out back tending to his garden while Dean almost dials Sam’s number repeatedly before hanging up, torn between wanting to let his brother know that he’s getting married and not wanting to jinx it.

The third day, they head back into town. They arrive at the town hall just after it opens and it’s not until they’re standing in front of the clerk that Dean realizes they don’t have any witnesses. The clerk assures him that they don’t need one for civil ceremonies and the next ten minutes pass in a blur until Dean is being prompted to place the ring on Cas’ finger.

He does so with shaking hands, stilled only once Cas places one of his own on top and gives Dean a patient smile. He’s this calm for a reason, Dean finally realizes.

This doesn’t change anything.

Married or not, they’ve already promised themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. Til death do them part doesn’t even begin to describe it, and in sickness and in health is almost laughable at this point.

This really doesn’t change anything.

Dean’s own hand is still as Cas takes his turn, sliding the silver ring upon Dean’s finger. They say their “I do”s when prompted by the clerk, exchange a short, firm kiss, and just like that it’s over.

They’re married.

When Jody invites them to dinner about a week later, they still haven’t told anyone. Sam and Eileen will be there as well as Jack and the girls - it’s a regular family reunion and the perfect chance to announce the big news to everyone.

Dean has a better idea.

“Let’s not tell anyone,” he says. “At least, not before dessert. Let’s see if they notice first.”

They’re in the Impala, about half an hour away from Jody’s place.

Cas shoots him an amused look. “Is this because Sam claimed he always knew we’d get together when we first told him we were involved?”

“No,” Dean lies. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel, seeing Cas still giving him that look from the corner of his eye. “Fine, yes. But he didn’t know, for the record. He just likes to pretend he’s always on top of this shit.”

“He doesn’t like to admit when you’ve surprised him,” Cas agrees.

The conversation ends there but Dean’s plan is apparently agreed upon since once they arrive at Jody’s, Cas doesn’t say a word about their recent relationship upgrade. Jody doesn’t seem to notice anything different, but then Dean didn’t expect her to. She’s not the one they spend most of their time around. Neither do Donna, Alex, Claire or Kaia, none of them surprises. Patience, Dean is less sure about, but she at least doesn’t say anything. Her eyes do linger unusually long but that could mean anything.

Damn psychics.

Sam and Eileen arrive half an hour after Dean and Cas, Jack in tow. This is the real test; Sam and Dean may not spend as much time together in the past few months as they did in the years before but he’s still the person who knows Dean best and would be the most likely to notice a difference.

And yet, nothing.

Dean tries not to feel too smug.

They go through dinner without anyone mentioning it. Dean makes a point of reaching across the table as many times as he can, showing off the ring glinting on his finger. Cas must notice him doing it, judging by the fond exasperation on his face, but he’s the only one.

It isn’t until dessert that Patience breaks, patience (hah) clearly run out:

“Is no one going to mention that Dean and Castiel are wearing wedding rings?”

And all hell breaks loose.

Sam is wounded - mostly over Dean and Cas not telling him before they got married, though Dean can tell some part of it is his pride at not seeing this coming - but he’s over it soon enough, once they explain that it wasn’t a big deal, not some proper ceremony, just a quick affirmation of what they already knew.

“See if I make you Best Man at my wedding after this, jerk,” Sam tells Dean.

“Your wedding?” Eileen asks pointedly.

Jody and Donna offer their congratulations before the conversation can get awkward, and Kaia, Alex, and Patience chime in with theirs as well. Jack looks confused at the whole proceeding, finally asking whether this means there won’t be any bouquet to catch, which only means Dean has gravely failed him in his pop culture education (oh, who’s he kidding, as if half the romcoms Jack has watched didn’t come directly from the recommended tab on Dean’s Netflix account).

Finally, with a pointed elbow from Kaia and a hangdog expression from Cas, Claire mumbles that she’s happy for them. While Dean doesn’t doubt that’s true he also knows that this is more complicated for her than the rest of them, and for the first time he kind of feels guilty about springing this news on everyone.

It doesn’t last long, not after Donna cheerfully raises her glass and proposes a toast to the happy couple and everyone else follows suit. They chant for them to kiss and, blushing outrageously, Dean complies, leaning over to press a quick kiss against Cas’ lips.

“So, who proposed?” Sam asks once the hooting and hollering has calmed.

“Cas did,” Dean says, slinging an arm around his husband’s - his husband’s - shoulders. “And it was the least romantic proposal of all time, you should’ve heard him.”

Cas rolls his eyes. “If I had left it up to you, we never would have gotten married.”

“He didn’t even give me time to pick out flowers,” Dean informs Sam gravely.

“There’s always the vow renewal,” Cas says, the casual statement managing to sound like a threat, and Dean shuts up.

The conversation moves on, the mood noticeably cheerier. As Jack and Sam launch into a story of their most recent hunt, Dean leans against Cas.

“We could have flowers, if you want,” he mutters.

Cas smiles at him, so bright and easy that it makes Dean’s heart stutter. He takes Dean’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the cool silver of Dean’s ring.

“That’s not necessary,” he says. “I’ve got everything I want right here.”

#deancas #destiel #spn fanfic #perlukafarinn writes #fluff #domestic #post-canon #established relationship #thank u to miriam who read through most of this #and assured me that it's plenty gay!

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