#and some therapy but it's too much ask for this in a fantasy world

[lady-a-stuff]

Alina is always saying that Mal could thrive on anywhere, that he always fit wherever he is and she is the one who never fit, never belonged, but in Siege and Storm he is the one who doesn't fit.

Mal is struggling, he is dislocated, he doesn't know how to deal with this, his only purpose is Alina, and she, his best friend, doesn't seem to care or to notice, but he keeps doing everything he can to help her there (going to parties with nobles and high-ranking members of the 1st army and trying make her likable for them to support her, staying away so the gossip don't affect her and her reputation) and the first time they talk about what he is feeling and they try to reconnect she flinches and because she also doesn't talk about her feelings he get it all wrong I mean it is difficult to talk and be honest? He only went to Os Alta because of her, he's miserable there, he dropped everything for her and he thinks she doesn't want him, she doesn't need him, he's lost (what he is doing there then if he's not wanted or needed?). All this added to all shit he had suffered before, so I just think he deserves more comprehension 😔

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Neil.

I know you are flooded with asks and this somehow became extremely long. Too long. “Why am I suddenly telling this poor man my life story?” too long. “I think I’d rather he work on the GO3 script than read this wild beast” too long. “He’s going to think you’re criminally dangerously insane” too long. If you never get to it, I’m good with never seeing a response from you. Maybe it’s better that way? Maybe an anon would have been nice here. But, it’s 2024, so I say “we ball.” It’s a privilege to be able to send this to you at all. You get a lot to this effect and I hope they give you good feels, so maybe what’s the harm, yeah? Because this is not an ask. This is a thank you letter.

First, thanks for reblogging my therapist post, I hope it amused you. I nearly sent you “How am i supposed to explain this to my therapist?!” But refrained. At that time.

So, therapy. What is therapy really? Well…

Things have been really rotten for as long as I can remember. Bad health, bad doctors, bad relationships, bad coping mechanisms, bad all kinds of things. (Yeah, bad is a weak and unhelpful word, my therapist reminds me, but we’re doing this.)

Well, things got even more really really rotten and BAD these last few years. Health declined further, coping mechanisms declined further and more intensely, packed up my life, applied for disability, moved back in with my parents across the country.

Then 4 years ago last week I watched my fiance die of a sudden heart attack. I was 29. Two years later my best friend died. Then last summer I sauntered vaguely into a cancer scare. Not long before an operation my cat who has been my companion through so much garbage died as well. I’m not entirely in the clear on the cancer scare front. All my attempts at going back to work, volunteering, going to grad school - they collapsed on me because I couldn’t get through this STUFF.

(Sometimes when I talk about this, when I tell people, I think “they are going to think you are a raging pathological liar.” Because I’m not sure I would believe someone if they told me all of this happened to them. In such a short time period. All before they were 35. And hell if that hasn’t been isolating. You know how it sounds? Lonely. And it is.)

I did the hypervigilant and sensation/experience chasing stage of PTSD. It got me in a lot of trouble in all kinds of ways. I had to do a lot of medical and psych advocating because things kept getting worse. That was exhausting. Then that peaked. I went into the thick of the “I feel absolutely nothing” stage for a long time. I didn’t feel fatigue or hunger or thirst. Not people, feelings, a reason. Not hope.

But of course, like seems be for a lot of us, I somehow found Good Omens at just the right time. I was a very “I’m so cool and intellectual I mostly consume non-fiction media” person for too long. Like, what? How is that even a real thing? And it wasn’t real. It was just part of this curated autism mask that I don’t think anyone really bought anyway.

I think I got to a point where I’d just had too much reality. I needed fantasy. I didn’t realize I always needed it. But I denied myself for too many odd and painful reasons. Maybe I thought it was an escape I didn’t deserve.

But as it turns out, it wasn’t an escape. I watched both seasons last fall, and then this light came on. I watched it again and again.

I came to tumblr because I needed more. I found this fandom. I stepped into this beautiful world of fanart and fanfiction and brain flexing meta writing and a sense of community and wonder that you and Terry created - that everyone involved in the show inflated - exploded in the right way - like fireworks if fireworks were some kind of autocatalytic reaction - a self perpetuating force.

It’s not a “saved my life” feeling. Not a “getting my life back” feeling. It’s been a “maybe it’s time for you to have the life you’ve always been denied - that you’ve denied yourself” feeling.

I’m creating. I’m not “great” yet. Not terribly “good” at all. Maybe “behind” as far as the “proper” timeline for starting. I know there isn’t one, not really, but boy does that society machine make ya feel like there is. And sure, I started and stopped a lot in the past. But the second it got hard I always gave up. I felt like if I didn’t get it “right” to begin with, then I just didn’t have it in me at all. But for once I’m really in it. I’m writing and trying to draw things that look less like fever dream five year old drawings. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those, is there? 🙃) I’m eating better. I’m sleeping better. I reach out to old friends more. I’ve made new friends who share this love of Good Omens.

My therapist has been floored by the change in me. After that first funny mini flop, he has been so encouraging about it. I saw him this week and I said “Maybe this is helping me get prepared to start living again. Maybe it’s a springboard.” And he honest to god said “But You ARE living. This is YOU LIVING. Why does it have to be a springboard? Why do you have to turn this into ‘work?’ Just let yourself have this for once in your life.”

But there were two more added elements that made it all work. And I can’t help but think this whole brainrot thing wouldn’t have happened without them. So many things just happened all at just the right time - a proper coincidence.

In all of the madness of the last few years I finally got the memo that I'm autistic. i figured I was for a while. But it finally sunk in for me and my docs and my people. So I’d been working on unpacking that. Grieving the life that could have been entirely different, shedding the mask. I let myself hyperfixate openly instead of hiding it and hating myself for “spiralling” or “obsessing” like others -!like ‘I’ always punished myself for before we knew that it was a trait and not a personality flaw.

Then over the last few months my therapist and I started trying this new exercise. One session he stopped me and said “in the last 20 minutes you have responded to what I’ve said with 9 ‘I knows.’” My response to that? “Ugh, I know.” So we started this “I know” swear jar type situation. Really, I’ve been afraid of not knowing. I couldn’t let myself “not know.” Because it meant I was “dumb.” I was just drowning for so long in guilt and self loathing for the “I knew better and screwed up anyway.” Or “I should’ve known better - I should know that by now.”

As it turns out, there’s a lot of things I don’t know. That I didn’t know. Things I will never know. And refusing to admit all of that kept me from learning a damn thing. Kept me from asking questions. Kept me from trying new things because it was scary to do something new - something unknown - and I "knew" how it would all turn out anyway. Kept me from connecting with people because it was painful or embarrassing when they knew things I didn’t and it seemed like I already should have. Kept me from getting better at making art, music, writing. Kept me from forgiving myself. Kept me from growing. And kept me from moving forward. Maybe not on. I don’t know if we ever “move on” from things. But we can move forward as we carry them. And as we do, the weight gets less. We’re able to carry it better. But only if we can admit that we don’t know how. Only if we don’t treat ourselves like this is something we do know or should know and we’re just failing because we’re less than. Not good enough. Not strong enough. Not deserving. We have to be able to say “I don’t know how to do this.” And then we can start looking for the answers. We can ask. We can learn.

I thought about the apple. Being able to tell the difference between good and evil. Aziraphale’s years and years of watching what he “knows” to be true be proven wrong. Crowley’s need to ask questions…

The simple and enormous gift of “Knowledge.” The “Knowledge” of the difference between Good and Evil. The “Knowledge” that can only be gained by realizing, accepting, admitting that there are things we don’t know. Asking the questions. Sometimes we get answers we don’t like. Sometimes the consequences of asking hurt us. And unless you want to stay in that painful place that painful knowledge got you, well, you’ve got to let yourself learn how to get out.

So all of this good? I never expected this. I never thought I deserved it. Joy and belonging and this sense that “Yeah, maybe things can get better. Maybe things can be good.” Because I said those things, not truly believing them, to the people I thought needed to hear it. But it couldn’t save them. It was hollow. The proof for us wasn’t really in our orbit or on our radar at the time. And now they’re gone.

People always say “it’s never too late.”

One of the people I lost said “it’s later than you think.”

I jokingly would respond “it’s already too late.”

It was for him in the end. For them. For some people I guess it really is. But maybe a lot of the “too late” people are there because they think “they know” that things will never be good for them. So they stop looking, they stop asking, stop finding. And eventually they just stop.

Then there came Crowley’s “It’s always too late.” The first time I heard it I thought “For sure, Crowley-cakes, I KNOW.”

But then…I just needed to rewatch the whole thing. And lines like that…familiar things…familiar themes…I was suddenly identifying with these characters. I suddenly saw myself. And the realization hit - I connected with something! Something new. And I FELT THAT. And that tiny little crack that made in the wall was just enough to start breaking it down. Yeah, when you start letting yourself feel after not feeling for so long, opening up to the good feelings means opening up to feelings and then the bad ones come out too. But when there IS good … it helps you balance. You can deal with the bad a little better because you’ve got the good thing to lean against when it gets too much. And now you’ve got feelings. You’ve got good and bad. You’ve got sticky foggy grey. You’ve got life.

Whew.

So, TLDR, thank you. From the bottom of my slowly healing heart, thank you.

And to sign off with some shits and giggles… I couldn’t find this in existence as a sticker so I had to custom order. Perhaps this will spread misery and panic among the humans of my city - or at least a malignant and creepy sense of unease.

Or maybe they’ll say “wtf” and go home and google it and they’ll fall into the Good Omens hole they never knew they needed too.

Thank you for this. I never quite know what to say to messages like this apart from I am really glad that it helps. (It becomes the weird extra piece that I worry about when writing season 3 -- hoping that it will be that thing again. Not just a story, but something that helps people feel and helps with healing and helps with love.)

[weirdworldofwinnie]

A Safe Way Out

Jonathan Breech x Female Reader (NSFW 18+ only)

Summary: You're a very shy patient at the psychiatric hospital and the newest inpatient part of the therapy group has to be the cutest man you've ever seen, and he takes an interest in you, but he's not quite as innocent as he looks.

Word Count: ~3,384

Warnings: Smut (unprotected sex), loss of virginity/innocent reader, cum squirting, oral (fem receiving), mental illness, past trauma, talk of depression and suicide, some angst, language

Disclaimer: This just fantasy/fiction, I do not own anything from the 2001 Irish film On the Edge starring Cillian Murphy.

Breech, Jonathan.

He was surely the prettiest person you'd ever witnessed admitted to this institution that he could make both men and even women jealous, even though his pajamas were ill-fittingly too short and he had a cocky attitude that didn't go unnoticed by the staff and other patients, but he wasn't a total asshole... at least you hoped.

At the couple of group therapy sessions he attended he was rebellious, giving the always tired (but very patient) Dr. Figure grief through ample sarcasm that made you stifle smirks, but as usual you never spoke much, being selectively mute unless you were forced to answer a question from Dr. Figure. They didn't give any drugs to dope up; the doctor didn't think you nor the small group you were part of needed them, but sometimes you wished they would so you didn't have to participate in these stupid sessions that went in half-spun circles and could just conk out in your room or outside.

You had been submitted here by your estranged parents after a series of concerning events that you had tried to mentally block out, including attempting to take your own life because of bullying and abuse; you were not able to ever acclimate fully to society because of it, which led you to being stuck in this place, mentally spinning wheels while growing more and more wary of the outside world everyday. Jonathan was the opposite; he had a spark of defiance and a fire you didn't have enough oxygen for to nourish for yourself. He clearly didn't think he really belonged here and in a way, you sort of admired him even if he was a bit strange and potentially dangerous... He was certainly an exciting refresher in such a dull, day-to-day drudgery.

One day after walking out of yet another mildly frustrating therapy session, he stepped in front of you in the hall as you were making your way back to your room alone, a curious light in his stunningly blue excuses for eyeballs.

"Hey, you mind if I join ya in your room?" he asked suddenly and you froze, uncertain of how to react. You only ever minimally interacted one-on-one with people you trusted... Fellow patient Nick kept saying Jonathan wasn't to be trusted, but Nick was also kind of a paranoid weirdo that always was listening to his headphones, so what did he know?

Jonathan seemed to sense your hesitation and he grinned, trying to put you at ease or maybe he was just messing with you. Either way, you had to hide your intrigue in case he was pulling your leg.

"Don't look spooked out, I'm just so fucking bored at this place and you're pretty cute, but you never really talk... I just wanna get to know ya better," he explained sincerely, but you still felt wary.

"Can I see your room at least?" he asked innocently and you finally gave him a shy nod, causing him to smile in broad relief that reminded you of the last rays of sunlight splashing upon the cliffs.

He walked along beside you, swinging his arms back and forth a bit as if he was winding himself up, all the way to your room and past an orderly who gave him a suspicious glance, but you gave the man a thumbs up to let him know it was fine. Security here was surprisingly not as strict as one would imagine for a psychiatric hospital and the younger patients tended to sneak out once a week to the city with minimal repercussions. They always came back anyway.

You reached your designated room and opened the door slowly, and Jonathan strolled in after you, sighing loudly.

"Oh, would'ja look at that - they gave you the fanciest room they've got," he commented sarcastically as you sat down on the small bed, tucking your knees up to your chest and he stood, surveying you and scene for a second and then joining to sit, copying your posture. He fiddled with his slippers for a minute and then turned to you curiously.

"So lemme get this right: You only talk when or if you have ta?"

"Yeah," you mumbled and he nodded sagely.

"That's an interesting way to deal with people. Don't blame ya, lot of wanks out there not worth being spoken to. What's your name - I mean, I know it from the meeting, but can you say it?" he asked, however unlike any doctor, it wasn't clinical or judgmental. He truly seemed interested and so you whispered your first name aloud to the floor.

"It's a nice name. How old are you?" You could hear the smile in his deep voice.

"T-Twenty two," you responded with a slight stutter, too fluttery to be able to meet his gaze.

"Fuck, that's older than me... I'm nineteen, but you know already know that. You ever been anywhere outside of Dublin?"

You looked away, not answering. If you ever had, you'd been too small to remember.

"How long you've been here?" he asked curiously and you splayed your hand, palm up towards him.

"Five weeks or five years?"

"Years," you whispered and he was silent for a few minutes, picking at the hem of his baby blue pajama pants.

"So much for the road to recovery, eh?" he scoffed and you just shrugged.

He put his legs down, feet flat on the floor and crossing his arms tight to his chest, wearing that oversized silly orange patterned sweater of his. He sniffed and bit his lip, glancing up at the bare ceiling as if he would find the answers to existence there.

"Something happened to you, I know. Shit, something happened to us all here. It's okay if you don't wanna or can't talk 'bout it. But I can't figure out if you have the same thoughts me and the others have? You know, what the doc locks us up for... suicidal? Like there's no fucking point to this blip of existence? And they think we're nuts, but we just seein' the truth."

You slowly pulled up your sleeve, exposing the faint scars etched into your left wrist, remnants of cutting attempts to escape life before you had been dumped off in this place indefinitely. You had never tried it since and were now an adult and could seek the means to leave if you truly wanted to, but there was nothing out there in the world for you.

"See this pinky finger?" Jonathan asked suddenly, poking up his baby finger and you nodded, interested.

"I was just trying to get rid of what was left of me old Da and the damn car didn't do the job right. Could've broken neck but all I broke was me baby finger. Least you've got the scars there to prove survivin'." He sighed heavily, almost disappointed, and you spoke the first sentence you had in days, your voice hushed from disuse.

"Why do ya wanna die?"

He blinked, giving you a meaningful glance and his full lips stretched into a tight ironic smile.

"I don't want to die; I don't want to be alive. I'm just a fucking living ghost, we all are... Doesn't that realization scare the wits outta ya?"

He looked away at the wall, blinking as the drippy tears escaped and his mouth quivered in quiet anguish, his dewy face scrunching up. You reached over and touched his cheek, catching a tear rolling down his smooth pallid skin and wiping it off tenderly. He sniffled, embarrassed, and gently took your wrist and whispered emphatically.

"I like you, Y/N. You don't freak out or talk down to me or bitch about your own problems. You're unique, but I'm thinking ya too cute to be truly crazy."

"Cute?" you repeated and he grinned at hearing your high breathy voice.

"Don't be so afraid to talk, you got a pretty voice. Bet nobody be calling ya cute in a long time, right?"

You shrugged sheepishly and he tilted your chin up with his fingers, tracing the outline of your face fondly and you blushed, not used to being touched by anyone like that. It was... comforting, a feeling you had been very numb to for some time. His pinkish lips parted and he tilted his head slightly, mouth gaping in anticipation for a kiss but you froze, unsure and not wanting to take the lead.

"I want a kiss," he murmured and the way he said it made you draw closer, trusting the process. He closed his eyes and blindly groped your lips, sucking, and then his tongue dove in with a surprising force, swirling around your mouth and he gripped the sides of your head in a vice, cutting off any resistance... Not that you were repulsed in any way once the initial shock wore off.

He broke away after several seconds, gasping and licking his lips hungrily.

"Mm, didja like that?"

Your cheeks became pink and he glanced over your head at the windowpanes being pattered with a steady rain and it was growing dimmer outside, evening approaching with a cloaking storm, and it reflected in the dull colors of the room that was becoming muted of natural light.

"Can I show you something?" he asked huskily, shifting on the bed restlessly.

You ducked your chin in affirmative, heart fluttering in uncertainty as he reached to yank his sweater and pajama shirt over his head, leaving him with a bare chest. You stared, fascinated in his anatomy; it had been so long since you'd seen anyone without some clothing on. He grinned, pointing awkwardly to your own chest.

"So, uh, now this... this'll be the part where you remove your garment," he instructed and cautiously, you unbuttoned your pj's and you never wore a bra, so soon he was facing your naked breasts with your nipples hardening from the airy exposure.

"Really cute," he breathed, gently putting a finger to your right nipple and pressing lightly, stroking around the center and then drawing a line to the other breast, doing the same to that one and you shivered, feeling a strange pull in your stomach that was borderline butterflies. He leaned back, bouncing up slightly on the bed and kicking his slippers off to the floor.

"But hold on, there's more to see," he said with a verging mischievous excitement. You'd never seen him look so genuinely joyful and as he tugged down his pj bottoms, you blinked, faced with a protruding bugle in his white underwear.

After a beat, he removed his boxers, springing forth a stiff appendage that you'd never in the flesh on a man, well, in its erect state at least.

"Want to touch it? It doesn't bite," Jonathan joked with a lazy grin and you cautiously extended a hand and put your fingers on the glistening tip. It was definitely moist and firmly solid, and he shuddered through a breath of arousal.

"Wet," you observed and he laughed, scooting closer so his penis was resting in your hands.

"I like it when you touch me there, don't stop," he begged and you felt him up, amused at his reaction.

He twitched in your palms as you ran careful fingers up his fleshy length and to his balls, lightly petting the coarse dark hair nesting around them, and he shivered pleasurably, resisting the urge to already ejaculate.

"Feelin' good?" you asked fondly, seeing his mouth agape and eyes nearly rolling back.

"Too fuckin' good, need to stop before I cum too quick. Wanna enjoy this... Lemme have at that pussy of yours now instead of using me dick, m'kay?"

You could tell it wasn't a question, but you weren't sure what he meant entirely. You eased off his genitalia, cock dripping slightly, and sat back, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Here," Jonathan murmured and his hands went to your waist, teasing down the waistband of your pj's and pushing the pants down your legs, letting you wiggle out and kick them to the floor, along with your slippers. He stared for a full ten seconds at your womanhood, biting his lip and swirling his tongue around his mouth, before he bent down and spread your legs apart. You tried to ask him what was going to happen, but he dove in already, tongue flicking at your delicate folds with attempted precision. You gasped audibly at the new sensation and he clamped hands down on your thighs, clinging on as he maneuvered his thick tongue faster and you grabbed at a fistful of his hair, shaking from the unfamiliarity and equal anticipation as your body seemed to take control of natural instincts and budding arousal grew stronger.

He just wanted to warm you up though, and he withdrew his tongue soon, lips glistening with a tiny smear of discharge. Your bare chest rose and fell in rhythm as he surveyed the fresh terrain, just aching for more. You very well might be a complete virgin and that prospect tantalized him yet also privately frightened him of messing up. Of course he'd been with girls before, but they weren't this sheltered and sweet. He may corrupt you and alter the course of this extremely new friendship, which in his mind was always meant to become more of a relationship; the moment he saw you he knew he needed to get in your pants.

"Eh, give it a go," Jonathan told himself forcibly and his finger jerked onto your entrance, worming in needily and making you squeak in surprise. He shushed you, zipping his lips with his free hand, giving you a clear message that it wasn't wise to make unusual noises. Even though it wasn't like there was cameras in the rooms, one couldn't be too careful. If Dr. Figure found out his newest unstable patient, the same one that pledged not to kill himself before New Year's Eve, was somewhat taking advantage of a virgin he just met in her own room, the doc would be most displeased.

Nevertheless, whimpers escaped from your throat as he pressed further to your clit and moved another finger to join the first, uncomfortably stretching into your walls. Despite the stinging pain, you felt an decent amount of wetness pooling from your vagina, almost like peeing, and clenched reflexively, hitting his knuckles.

"Oh, I'm thinking it's ready," he whispered impatiently, wriggling his digits away with a squelch and wiping your light drizzle of cum on his cock.

Before you could react, he adjusted position and slid on top of you, pressing his body down onto your bare one and rubbing his full cock in-between your thighs.

You gasped when he began to shove in rather roughly, squirming into your tight unbroken hole and you looked up at his face, watching his hair askew slightly and you noticed a scar above his eyebrow you hadn't noticed before. You wrapped your arms around his neck, afraid to get pinned underneath him, and tried to buck and roll with the motion, but it was getting painful.

"Hurts," you whimpered into his ear as he thrusted further.

"Not gonna hurt in a minute, baby," he whispered, too in heat to stop and consider much else and he clapped a hand over your mouth to stifle any more alarming noises.

"C-Can't go-go all the way in," he panted, his skin slapping yours and rocking the whole small bed.

Sure enough, the pain became more bearable though the more he worked you and pleasure eventually overturned it altogether, the bursting bloom of an orgasm that was very likely the best feeling that had ever happened to you. You sank your mouth on his shoulder to stifle a cry, careful to not bite too deeply, and then mewled into his neck, panting heavily along with him and digging your fingers into his brown scrubby sideburns and floppy hair.

"Mm, fuc-fucking good, ya likin' it, eh?" Jonathan choked out in a whisper and you couldn't respond, too taken by this incredible euphoria and the way his cock flexed inside close at your cervix. You weren't sure how long he could stay in without it becoming too uncomfortable, but he lifted up slightly, grunting softly at his own arousal and effort.

He pulled out just in time, finishing outside by squirting hot ropes of milky cum all over your vagina, stomach, and legs. The bedsheets took a few splatters as well and he heaved in relief as you laid there, utterly stunned at his sexual performance. You had squirted a little bit too and it had intermixed with his juices that you couldn't tell which was from whom. It was so intimate and gross and a big part of you absolutely loved it, having never been in such a situation before... It was exciting and playful.

He swiped two fingers through the fluids and spread it on your thighs further, encouraging you to feel it as well and you giggled at him taking your own fingers and guiding them up to his face, dotting his chin with cum.

Jonathan then sat back on his haunches and admired you, catching his breath and listening to the steady patter of rain. You rolled over onto your side and your eyes widened at a couple spots of blood on the sheets and he looked down in causal observance.

"Ah, that'd be normal, don't worry," he assured with a chuckle.

"Though, uh, maybe we'd better try to hide it case they come collect the sheets tomorrow," he realized on second thought.

"I say I been bleeding, on my cycle," you offered as an explanation.

"Yeah, that'd be good cover," he agreed and climbed off, picking up his clothing and shimmying back into the pajamas and sweater.

"Look, I'll get us some towels or somethin' from the bathroom," he said, walking quietly to the door and opening it with a peering glance out, but the coast was clear. Most patients should be in their rooms by now anyhow.

You relaxed in a post-orgasmic trance while he was gone, listening to the dripping weather outside and wondering how you'd be able to be normal around him tomorrow.

The door squeaked open softly a couple minutes later and Jonathan came back inside with a bundle of torn sheets of toilet paper clutched in his hand.

"Couldn't get towels, so I took some shit paper that'll have ta do instead," he announced with dry amusement and he used it to wipe you clean of the wet mess and you thanked him quietly, grateful to be dry again for it had become rather cold and tingly on your skin. You automatically flinched a fraction when he wiped at your folds, as you were raw and sore, but he was fairly gentle. When he finished, Jonathan moved in very close as if for a kiss, but only whispered near to your ear, tickling your earlobe with his warm breath.

"Don't tell anyone about what we did... just a little secret, m'kay? Though I guess you wouldn't be blabbin' to anyone else anyway," he chuckled darkly, but it wasn't mean.

"Maybe we can see each other again?" he proposed as he balled up the soiled toilet paper and retreated back towards the door.

"Okay, Jonathan," you whispered in reply and he flushed at the sound of his name on your lips.

"I think you'll be my new therapy, better than anything that wanker of a Freud psychiatrist can offer." He paused, shuffling his feet and then glanced up daringly, determination in his blue orbs.

"We'll find a way out soon, a safe way out, me and you and Rachel and Toby... and I'll show you how to have a good time at the pub, eh? Like the sound of that?"

You only smiled as he turned to exit, but then abruptly paused and bit his lip as he looked back at you with a yearning, like what the two of you had just done still wasn't enough.

"Abair do phaidreacha agus codhladh sámh," he spoke in Gaelic and you translated back softly with a meaningful smile.

"Say your prayers and sleep well."

With a dip of his head and smug, yet almost childlike smile, Jonathan ducked out the door and was gone for the night.

[applestorms]

the demons got to me and i’m thinking about mello again.

god i so desperately wish we could’ve seen him interact with L in canon. near too, but mello in particular— i’ve already written my mello & misa parallels post so i won’t reiterate all that here but, fuck. i think their similarities would’ve been so obvious if we had actually seen mello’s hero worship of L in practice, like more than just his freak out at roger upon hearing about his death.

do you think he would’ve been loud, in his face about it? i don’t think so. i can’t help thinking back to near’s explanation of why L picked the two of them out to be his successors— the two quiet kids at the back of the room, glowering and watching while everyone else asked their questions. the obvious implication is that L picked them out because they seemed to idolize him, to respect him the least. near at least seems to have managed to stick with that mindset for most of canon… but when did mello’s view start changing? was he just better at hiding it? did his feelings ever become more, less mixed? did he worship L like a cold, distant god— or grow to respect the minor points of humanity that seeped out from the corners?

speaking of: how the FUCK did that conversation about the LABB murder case go? how much of that story was actually, directly told to mello, and how much was his own fantasy, filling in the blanks? he clearly projected onto BB. did he join the mafia with that knowledge in mind, that the desperate, inferiority complex-riddled serial killer was the archetype he fit into better than the world famous detective? did he care about justice, any kind of moral standard— did he bloody his hands or find ways to work around it?

mello knew was never going to be L’s successor, not if he played the game according to its established rules. did L ever imply such things to his face? actually, what the hell did L think of near? was he aware of the burden he put on those fucking kids, did he ever care for even a second? did he mistakenly assume his own immortality, even in the face of a supernatural murder?

(clawing desperately at the walls of my enclosure. L getting annoyed at his pet orphanage of super-geniuses for distracting him from his evil boyfriend is one of my favorite fic tropes of all time, if you gimme recs for that i’ll kiss you)

i wonder if mello ever saw the parts of L in near that everyone else seems to unable to see past. maybe he did, but even so— i think he, of all people, was most aware of all the ways in which near was himself. how easily he fit the role but all the ways in which he broke out of it as well, the similarities in their intelligence & methods of thinking but the minor details that meant near could win where L never could. where mello himself never could. he probably knew how that guy functioned better than anyone, maybe even better than near himself, though i doubt he’d ever do much with that knowledge. it’s one of the few places where i see mello & near switching in terms of passivity— mello knowing Everything about near but doing very little about it, paralyzed by his own self-doubt, while near comparatively struggles to claw as much Mello Knowledge as he can, poking and prodding and pushing him in every direction, all while getting continually blind-sighted as he explodes in random ways he can barely fathom.

i like to think that, in contrast with near’s extreme codependence, mello is actually quite self-sufficient. weirdly, he seems to me like the DN character to be the most likely to actually go to therapy at some point. i think he’s a lot more self aware than he lets on, if only because his inferiority complex drives so much of his self hatred, pushing him to always be better, stronger, more independent. i like to imagine that his apartment or room or wherever the fuck he lives is actually quite clean, that he pushes himself to learn how to cook, how to take care of himself. L never sleeps and near probably sleeps too much but mello needs a consistent, solid 7-8 hours a night or he starts getting cranky— the kind of person who functions better in the sunlight, to take from a fic i read recently.

i wonder how much of his life he remembers from before the orphanage. he seems like he might have emotional ties there, but something he’d never or only very rarely speak about— glimpses of a past life that keeps him up at night on occasion, where near is blessed with a complete lack of any earlier memories. mello just seems more inclined towards sentimentality like that, extreme in all his emotions, particularly when they’re utilized for the purpose of self-destruction. he wears a rosary, has a cross on his gun, chooses to die in a dilapidated church. good lord, he chooses to die in a church.

did he grieve matt? he apologizes, yes. but did he already know he was to join him so soon?

i desperately wish to see a version of mello who had the time to commit to his name and chill the fuck out for a while. get some meds, separate himself from the burdens of L, of the rivalry, and allow himself the chance to relax and breathe and properly heal. part of the reason why his death in particular hits me so hard is the fact that it all seems so possible with him, that he has the most potential to genuinely get over this shit— to not just stew in the corners of the earth and let time wash over him (like a certain someone), but actually, literally get his fucking life back.

he’s explosive, yes, he’s neurotic and emotional and lashes out at everyone and anyone he pleases— but in that same way, he’s honest. mello and near do not bullshit themselves in the ways that L and light do so consistently, they don’t bother lying to themselves or putting on airs about the kinds of people they are or the kinds of things they want. they know their place in the world, the expectations on their shoulders.

everybody likes thinking about “L wins” and “KIRA wins” scenarios, but you know what i really want to consider? what the fuck would mello winning look like? i mean, he’s a character whose primarily fucking trait is the fact that he loses, that he’s always second place. i almost feel like mello winning could’ve been one of the best case scenarios— because for mello to truly win, to not just overpower near and tell him to suck it (a situation which would not make mello legitimately happy, just put him in the same situation as light killing L), he’d have to get over the biggest hurdle of his own bullshit and legitimately grow as a person.

i yearn to see a near that got the chance to grow up with his other half, and a mello who got the chance to live for himself again. they deserve that: quiet afternoons to bitch at each other and argue over whatever book they decided to read that week, near whining about having to do chores and mello yelling at him to clean up his fucking legos, matt shaking his head in the corner.

get those kids a fucking happy ending.

[nothorses]

Aren't you the one with the weird ass misogyny kink

This is such a perfect example of how fucking stupid callout culture is, actually.

For context, nearly two years ago now, a few blogs known for picking fights & starting harassment campaigns picked a fight & started a harassment campaign against first one transmasc blogger, then a bunch of other transmascs they harassed about reblogging his post who either didn't respond to them, or who responded unfavorably.

I won't get into the nitty-gritty here, but I did elsewhere [1] [2] and so have a few other folks.

I wasn't the original person called out. I was tacked on after the fact because I didn't respond.

What I've been "called out" for since then is, essentially, a bunch of complete bullshit made up by people who are pissed off that I encouraged people to think critically about the callout posts they came across.

Even among those lies, my sex life, kinks, fetishes, whatever- none of it has ever come up. Because I don't engage with that online, I never have, and I never will, for exactly this reason.

Would you be surprised if I told you this wasn't the first time I'd been accused of the "crimes" that original person was accused of?

You probably shouldn't be! This shit happens all the time, and it's only a natural progression of the callout culture it all stems from: one person has some shit they said taken out of context and painted in a bad light by a vindictive and usually transphobic internet loser, everyone who doesn't publicly disavow them immediately and without question is guilty by association, and what reason do they have to defend this person anyway, except so they can get away with the same thing? They must be doing it too!

And this ask especially is phrased in such a blatantly manipulate way. There's no good way to answer this: either I say "yes, but" and people stop thinking or caring there, or I say "no, here's what really happened" and I look weak and dubious for defending myself at all. The accusation has been made, the question has been asked, and now everything I say is with the assumption that this is something I am responsible for proving or disproving.

It's stupid and pointless and it's all fucking made up. It's designed to run on instinctive disgust and outrage, and what better conduit is there for rage and disgust than trans people? Especially trans people who talk about being trans.

And even putting all that aside: who fucking cares?

Who cares if one dude gets off to some shit he, in real life, both suffers from and actively tries to combat? Why are you so concerned with the private sexual fantasies of one random internet stranger? Why is it so important to you that everyone in the world know what this one dude thinks is hot when acted out between two consenting adults?

Come off anon and tell me all your kinks, anon. Tell me every single thing you have ever been turned on by, everything you've masturbated to, and why. I want detailed notes. I want links to porn. If you've made art, written fanfic, roleplayed- I want to see it.

C'mon, if this should be publicly available knowledge, let's start with you. It shouldn't matter as long as none of it's weird or off-putting to anyone else, right? You don't need to hide anything, right? There's nothing there you'd be embarrassed about, nothing you'd rather keep private, right? So what's the hold-up, why haven't you done this already? Why are you on anon to begin with; what are you hiding?

If anyone's the "sex freak" or whatever, anon, it's you. Nobody fucking needs this information about anyone, especially if they aren't sexually involved with each other. It's a massive invasion of privacy, and much more importantly it is textbook sexual harassment.

Anyway. Hi, voc and w-oc. I should be more surprised to see you two in my inbox, but I guess yall are obsessive enough to respond to, literally, a couple of tags on one reblog containing undefined, contextless acronyms of your urls. Hope you talk to a therapist about that someday.

[thesandsofelsweyr]

Found your blog dominating arkham knight tags! Gonna ask about his aftermath, since the writer didn't tell much what happened after

Found your blog dominating arkham knight tags!

👀😁

Gonna ask about his aftermath, since the writer didn't tell much what happened after

So I'm still deciding on this for my own 'verse, but here are some of my thoughts so far!

Jay's not in a good place after the events of the game. He utterly failed: his mission, to kill Batman, to get his long-awaited revenge. He betrayed his partners (for which he probably has a bounty on his head), his adopted family, the people of Gotham. He was responsible for the deaths and displacement of innocent civilians. He left his home city in turmoil. His militia saw him at his weakest. Years of planning plus billions of dollars down the drain. For years, his only reason for living was to confront Bruce and put a bullet between his eyes. And when he finally has the opportunity, he's too much of a coward to go through with it. He's still hurting—physically (his poor ankle and back, after all that strenuous activity 😭) and emotionally. He's definitely back in a very dark place...

Now that y'all have tears pouring down your cheeks... do not despair! This is my fantasy land, and I can do what I want~ (I only have so much heart left to break after GRRM is done with it. If he ever gets done with it. 😪)

I like to think that his loyal militia talk him down from the edge and smuggle him safely out of Gotham to somewhere overseas. He settles down and uses this opportunity to start over (and finally, begrudgingly start therapy). He sees a lot of the same shit that plagued Gotham happening in his new home, so in an attempt to seek penance for all the hurt he caused, he dons his Red Hood gear for the first time and tries to make a difference (especially within the underprivileged communities, since he remembers the hardships he faced growing up around drugs and violence and poverty, ignored by the rest of the world).

He eventually ends up back in Gotham to face off with Black Mask. He goes to pay his respects to Bruce and Alfred, only to learn (probably from Babs or maybe Dick) that they survived. I'd love to see some sort of closure between Jay and Bruce (think of all the delicious angst and feels a scene like that would provide!)

That's all I got so far. Thank you so much for asking! (If you want some Reader-specific headcanons for Post-AK, just ask! 💕)

[redstringraven]

an excruciatingly long ramble about the ‘03 turtles and the enneagram 🐢💜 pt4

[ intro + disclaimers post ] [ pt 2 - raph ] [ pt 3 - leo ] [ pt 5 - mikey ]

don, 5 with a 4 wing

addendums: [ 1 ]

intro

alright, donnie-bear, it’s your turn in the spotlight. which i know you hate, so i’ll try not to keep you too long.

don doesn’t really get to have like… a season-wide growth or 'arc' of sorts (leo’s is a main focus of season four and raph’s is more of a subtle thing you can notice as the series progresses). what’s interesting is, in some ways, being a 5 could explain that. IF we wanted to be charitable and say never addressing the wild shit don goes through was intentional. but i know that’s more self-indulgence or wanting to gently take the writers by their shoulders and shake them on my end.

please, flying spaghetti monster, get these boys some goddamn therapy.

let’s begin.

bare basics of the 5

5s are one of the three withdrawn types (along with 4s and 9s), and they’re members of the head triad (made of 5s, 6s and 7s).

the withdrawn types lack differentiation between their conscious self and their unconscious, unprocessed thoughts, impulses and feelings. their unconsciousness constantly wells up into consciousness through daydreams and fantasies. all three of the withdrawn types respond to stress by moving away from engagement with the world around them and into an “inner safe haven” in their imagination. in other words, they have a habit of “zoning out”.

the head triad may also be referred to as the ‘thinking’, ‘reason’ or ‘fear’ triad. members of this triad are concerned with anxiety; they carry a great deal of fear and are driven by it. they feel they experience a lack of support and guidance, and because of this they often engage in behaviors they believe will enhance their safety and security. they take in and relate to the world through the mind, and they tend to think and plan carefully before they act. 5s externalize it, 6s internalize it, and 7s forget it.

a 5’s basic fear is that of being helpless, useless, overwhelmed or incapable

their basic desire is to be capable and competent

they believe they’ll be okay so long as they have mastered something

childhood take-aways

as you likely expect, we return to the quote from master splinter in things change (s1ep1):

“your path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.”

young 5s tend to be quiet children who occupy their time with books, collecting insects or plants, learning a musical instrument, using a computer, or playing board games or with chemistry sets rather than participate in play with their peers. anxious parents might find themselves coaxing their young 5 into basic activities--joining a sports team or going to a playground--in an effort for their child to be more ‘normal’; these efforts are often met with intense resistance from the 5. the 5 will sometimes feel overwhelmed by their protective figures, and they'll seek out other ways to feel secure and confident.

as children, 5s see the world around them with startling clarity. they elaborate on it in their minds, which will have repercussions later on for better or for worse. these types value independence--or, more accurately: non-intrusion. early on, 5s learn to believe that by not asking much from you, you won't ask much of them; through that, 5s attain safety and a feeling of control. as a way of defending themselves, they learn to cut themselves off from nurturance--any painful feelings of need and longing--by staying in their minds.

something i find interesting about the lesson (s3ep13) in retrospect of the enneagram is what don and leo choose to focus on when teaching a young casey. now, i know in some way the choices were kind of narrative jokes (as well as poking fun at the fact they’re like eight-years-old and trying to teach something complex like martial arts) but i think, in don’s case, there’s a bit more going on.

leo, who in his older years more focuses on strategy, went for meditation as his starting point (likely remembering where his own ninjitsu training might have begun and wanting to do it 'right') whereas don went for strategy as HIS starting point.

one could argue that out of the four brothers, don is the ‘weakest’ fighter (in terms of technique and natural skill, NOT physical strength; i will get to that). rather than focus on where his ninjitsu training began and giving casey the chance to see if his own physical abilities can develop, don goes right into where he knows HE’S capable: the thinking aspect. planning.

splinter says “to survive, you must master these skills”, and here is a young don already recognizing that out of the four of them, he needs to rely on something more than just ninjitsu skills alone.

don’s best tool in an actual confrontation at this point--what would keep him capable and ‘not useless’--would be navigating a battlefield strategically and keeping himself one step ahead of his opponent.

in flashbacks from tales of leo (s1ep19), we can see don’s built himself a little robot car. this, obviously, will serve no form of protection or security in an actual fight or time of emergency; it’s a toy. he’s a child with a still-developing brain and knowledge of the craft. there's no context to if this story takes place before or after the events of the lesson, but it's evident he's already pursuing other areas to (hopefully!) master outside of ninjitsu that could aid him later.

don as a 5

5s can sometimes be nicknamed: ‘the thinker’, ‘the innovator’, ‘the observer’, ‘the sage’, ‘the specialist’, ‘the radical’, or ‘the expert’.

more than any type, 5s want to find out why things are the way they are. behind their relentless pursuit of knowledge is a deep insecurity about their ability to function successfully. 5s feel that they do not have an ability to do things as well as others. they believe in the safety and security of their own minds.

5s are highly motivated by a desire to understand. to them, gathering knowledge and mastering information are keys to survival. 5s collect and horde information like dragons to gold; they want to know at least a little bit about every obscure topic. they don’t want to appear foolish or uninformed, or be humiliated by not having the correct answer. while don’s physically present at the hockey game in the golden puck (s2ep18), he’s got his nose in a book about the sport's history. this could not only be his 5’s desire to collect information, but also an attempt to understand something casey (and maybe by proxy, raph) is interested in.

5s have a presentational or lecture-like “talking style”; if you ask them what they feel, they’re more likely to tell you what they think. due to this, they tend to respond to problems rather than react to them. it’s this ability that helps don stay as the level-head out of the four brothers. like 9s, 5s are able to remain neutral and see both sides of a conflict. but where a 9 might be worried about hurt feelings, a 5 will look at the situation objectively and shoot straight with you (a contributing reason to why raph might respond better to don calling him out than leo or mikey; don is always going to be straight-forward with him, something 8s, as we covered, value). raph and leo, being on the gut-triad, have a tendency to react to their instinct, and mikey doesn’t always slow down enough to exercise his 5 (it’s his security number, and we’ll get to that).

from a narrative/’tope’ standpoint, you could look at don having 'random' knowledge outside of his usual science and engineering expertise as him filling his narrative role as “the smart one”, but his 5 could also serve as an explanation for why he just… can either read or recognize an italian phrase in the darkness within (s3ep14) or why he has a pigeon puppet in search for splinter (s1ep25) that my bird-loving ass continues to be DELIGHTED over to this day. a 5 never wants to be put in a position where they have to depend on others to take care of them. the idea of losing their independence and self-reliance terrifies them. so, they gather all sorts of information and ideas and resources they deem potentially useful later.

and semi-due to this, the average 5 has a bit of a scarcity mentality. they’re careful to measure how much time they’re spending with others in comparison to time they spend honing their abilities to master something or expand their knowledge. this might lead to them hoarding their space, time, and even affection. it’s common for a 5 to have a space that is THEIR space. this could be as small as a specific chair they always retreat to for reading (that they get a little territorial about should you find yourself sitting in it one day), a corner of the garage, or a larger space such as a study or work-room. don, of course, has his lab which seems to be a (questionably) repurposed subway car for the majority of the series. i don’t know how he got it in the lair… that’s a question for another day. and given a 5’s secrecy and independence it, frankly, wouldn’t surprise me if no one knows how he got it in there. we'll touch on that more in a bit.

don’s wing was probably the hardest for me to pin down out of the brothers. i remember on the same site i saw raph being labeled as an 8w9, don was a 5w6. it took a lot of thinking, a lot of reviewing, but i’ve decided i disagree.

it’s possible he might reach for the 6’s influence from time to time, but i decided on 4 for two key reasons:

5s with a 6 wing tend to be more argumentative and will even actively antagonize people who disagree with them and their views (gives me more stockman energy than it does don; not saying stockman is a 5, tho), and

when mikey’s talking about the different freedoms they all have due to leo shouldering most of the responsibility in samurai tourist (s4ep13), he says don’s free to ‘dream’.

mikey’s insight and that word choice are important. again, i can’t help but wonder if the site’s decision to give don a 6 for a wing was to fully put him on the thinking triad rather than give him a foot in the feeling triad.

the 4’s influence brings with it the more surreal and fantastical; 5w4s are more creative and often seek niches unexplored by others, able to tap into the imaginative side of their brain rather than only the analytic. i think it goes without saying that several of don’s inventions are outside the norm and incredibly creative and innovative. the tunneler, whose existence would even be the undoing of the shredder in another world, is a fantastic example of this. additionally, don's limited access to resources forces him to think and problem-solve more even creatively, and i wouldn't be surprised if that fueled and developed his 4 more than his 6.

5s with a 4 wing are sometimes nicknamed ‘the iconoclast’. they’re creative, sensitive, and empathetic. they’re not always sure what to do with their feelings and prefer to process them in solitude. these 5s are more prone to experiencing melancholy, but they’re less emotionally guarded around others and tend to be better at being kind to themselves. they tend to be more creative than the other sub-type; their tinkering with familiar forms, ideas and concepts can lead to startling innovations. they’re often drawn to the arts, and their curiosity and perceptiveness combine with the desire to express their unique and personal visions.

stress & security numbers

don’s stress number is a 7, so in times of high stress and low spirits he’ll begin to express the negative traits associated to 7s. stressed 5s hoard and cling more tightly to things, make their world smaller and smaller, and will turn their attention away from the needs of others. in worst-case scenarios, they might refuse to help at all or even become hostile to the suggestion, as it would require them to use their valuable time, energy and resources that keep THEM safe. they might become frivolous, disorganized and distracted to the point of not being able to complete tasks and stop thinking about the consequences of their behavior. they’ll begin feeling even more inadequate, feel sorry for themselves, and do whatever they can to avoid pain.

these 5s become more impulsive, their minds speed up--restless and agitated--and they feel more compelled to distract themselves. under extreme stress, they might even become aggressive and insensitive in their pursuit of… whatever it is they want at the time.

examples of don’s 7 showing up could include:

his outburst at his brothers at the start of return to the underground (s2ep13), his frustration with himself for not being able to find a cure for their friends below, and remaining confined/isolated to his lab while his brothers continue to go about their lives and other activities

straight up ripping professor honeycutt’s head off in worlds collide pt1 (s3ep5) because he panicked. funny as it was, mikey’s right… that was kind of extreme. aggressive, impulsive, and insensitive, one might even say

we get a glimpse of one of don’s workstations in bad day (s4ep8) and it's a complete mess. it’s possible that leo’s shift in attitude is wearing don down internally. he’s not taking care of his spaces, and he might not be taking care of himself much, either.

in dragons rising (s4ep10), when leo’s hanging off the back of a truck and mikey’s sliding on the hood of the battleshell, there's a pair of dragons in a truck behind them. those dragons rear-end the battleshell, and don doesn’t hesitate to shoot a fucking missile right into the driver’s seat. had those dragons not thought fast enough to bail, they'd be off the census.

also in this episode, after don tries to look on the bright side (saying they stopped half the convoy) and leo snaps at him, he’s turned away from leo for the rest of the scene--he’s even cut out of the frame in one shot. boy has: completely withdrawn from the ‘conversation’ while the others remain engaged and listening.

don’s security number is an 8, so when mentally and spiritually healthy he’ll begin to adopt the positive traits associated with 8s. with the influence of their 8, 5s become more spontaneous, outspoken and physically present. they get energetic, confident, and much more talkative. the difference can be quite striking to people, leading to playful questions like “what’s gotten into don today?”.

secure 5s become more willing to participate rather than just observe. they feel empowered to take on major challenges, and some will even pursue or assume leadership roles. rather than fear the loss of the abilities or expertise that they’ve been careful to cultivate in isolation, they harness those skills strategically and constructively. they come out of their own heads and embrace a deeper contact with their vitality and physicality. they can take on a whimsical or dark sense of humor, and take delight in puns and wordplay. a more mischievous, lively and elfin side of them begins to show through. a 5 who wants to experience the abundance of life without worrying about what they can afford to lose is one on the high side of an 8.

examples of don’s 8 surfacing could include:

whenever we see him engaging in play with his brothers; he’s not only choosing to be present and share his time with them, but he also seems to--pardon the pun--come out of his shell a bit more. examples could include darkness at the edge of town (s1ep6), reflections (s2ep9), space invaders pt 1 (s3ep2), nobody’s fool (s3ep11), and time travails (s3ep17)

in the king (s1ep16) when the champions all battle cry and rush into the fight, he joins them. battle cry and all. fucking dweeb.

suggesting they all go get ice cream in the ultimate ninja (s2ep10); it’s small, but don’s choosing to not only remain present but to leave the lair and do an unplanned activity with the others

any time he exercises that gentleman’s snark of his, but i’m going to choose a class favorite: “nighty night, dragon-boy” from cousin sid (s4ep1)

how giddy and talkative he is at the start of return of savanti (s4ep20).

don’s 8 is subtle, but it breaks his habitual patterns. people who aren’t that familiar with him might think this is just him behaving ‘normally’, but those who do know him understand that he prefers being left to his projects, studies, and ideas. when he chooses to not only be present in the moment and spend his valuable time with his loved ones, it’s him leaving his safe spaces, risking to use up those resources he so carefully maintains and allowing himself to feel good and be confident in areas he’s normally not. his 8’s a little difficult to spot, but it’s there if you know how to spot a 5 dipping their toe into gremlin-mode. and it is highly endearing.

just don’t tell sam regiel that, he lives 24/7 in gremlin-mode, sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally, none of us are safe--

cardinal sins - 5 and greed

much in the way that raph’s cardinal sin wasn’t a surface-level explanation, neither is don’s. because i can already hear some folks protesting in regard to how generous and selfless he is. i hear you, and you’re correct. materialistically, 5s can be extremely generous. … however, as the greediest greed to ever greed once said:

“you humans think greed is only about money and power. but everybody wants something they don't have.”

remember that the thinking and head triad can also be called the ‘fear’ triad, and that types in this triad struggle with and are driven by fear. fear makes 5s shrink inward, and avarice makes them hoard whatever minimal resources they have around them. their greed, their avarice, focuses on their inner resources, their energy, and their time. they’re greedy for knowledge and improving their expertise, and they can easily feel intruded upon and learn to protect themselves by emotionally withdrawing from people.

5s want to conserve their energy and resources in order to avoid needing others too much, trying to take as little from the environment and those around them as possible. they feel as though there is not much of them to go around, and the needs of others can deplete or exhaust them. don even laments in his official profile that he longs for the day he can be left alone to explore his interests, and that maybe someday "he'll have the time he needs".

in new blood (s3ep12) don 'cheats' at their game of ninja hide-and-seek by using nightvision goggles to quickly find his brothers. he's both making up for, in his mind, his natural skill at the game, and he's possibly looking to speed things up a bit so he can return to what HE wants to use his time doing. i think it's also worth noting that in city at war pt3 (s2ep16), don’s the one who asks karai what’s in it for them should they agree to help her. in exchange for the valuable resources the turtles will give to help karai (their time, their energy, their literal safety), what do they get in return?

it’s also important to recognize that 5s consider information a resource. due to this, 5s are extremely private and secretive people. it’s rare for any one person to know everything about a 5; each colleague or friend might have a part of a 5’s story, but no one person or even group of people will have the whole story. 5s might even go out of their way to not introduce certain circles of friends to each other due to an underlying fear that they all might talk to each other and be able to piece together what information about the 5 they have. that information--their lives and experiences--is THEIRS. keeping that hidden away, not sharing that resource, is a method of security.

i think we get a fair amount of glimpses into this aspect of don throughout the series, and the first is quite earliy on, but small. when they meet april (s1ep3), don’s not the one who introduces himself as the tech-wiz in the group. mikey’s the one who talks him up, and don even tells him to ‘cut it out’ (even if he says this playfully or humbly, this is not technically mikey's information to share).

the way mikey reacts to don's pigeon puppet suggests this is the first time any of them have seen the silly thing. as far as we know, he never tells his brothers about the events of the king (s1ep16) or that he got tortured by triceratons (s3ep3)--FOR information, at that!--or about where he went in same as it never was (s3ep21). and the whole time he’s sick in the latter half of season 4, he keeps brushing it off as just a bug bite and then a cold. he’s probably in a lot more discomfort than he ever lets on, but… eh, no one needs to know that. it’s probably nothing. this is both HIS information… and, also, leans into the 5’s negative trait of neglecting their own health in stressed states and minimizing their own comfort. they don’t want to have to rely on anyone for anything.

as with raph and leo, let’s also peek at the other cardinal sins associated with don: with his 4 wing, 7 stress and 8 security, the others in his circle would be envy, gluttony, and lust respectively.

SaiNW and don straight up disappearing

a gentle content warning for mention of death in the last paragraph of this section. i know it’s kind of a ‘dead dove, do not eat’ situation with this being sainw and all, but just so you know it’s coming.

as i mentioned in an earlier section, don’s 5 aids him in being the level-head in the family. sainw!mikey even remarks on this in the episode (that "they really needed that level-head of his"). i mentioned in that same section that mikey does have access to the 5, with it being his security number, but… given the environment of sainw, i think it’s fair to say that all of the turtles would have been in the most unhealthy state of their core number. this would mean mikey’s 5 is closed off, and he’d be leaning more into his 1. they, as a team, had lost their links to any of the positive influence that could have come from the 5’s respond over react nature.

don’s disappearance is left vague, not only to us as the viewers but also to his family. he just disappeared. and when his brothers finally see him again thirty years later, it’s not even their don. they're just as in the dark as we are, meaning there was no big fight or blow up or otherwise ‘obvious explanation’ as to why don would have left without a word.

i discussed leo and raph's types at their highest and lowest points, so let's pause to take a look at don's real quick. at their healthiest, 5s can be described as: participating and visionary, observant and perceptive, focused and innovative. at their unhealthiest, they become: nihilistic and eccentric, horrified and delirious, oblivion seeking and self-annhilating.

the series itself is officially twenty years old, and sainw is one of the most utilized episodes when it comes to the creation of fanworks, so i’m sure just about every reason under the sun has been either touched upon or hinted at or explored to explain why don vanished the way he did. and, sadly, thanks to don’s 5, they could all work in my opinion. it’s painfully simple.

5s, due to their need for independence as well as their reluctance to talk about themselves, are the types of people who will leave the house without a word. if they realize the house coffee supply is running low, they’ll grab their keys and head out to the store. they have a library book that's due soon, so rather than go directly home after work like they usually do they'll detour to drop it off. maybe they just feel like taking a walk; out the door they go. no “hey, i’m heading out, be back in ten!”, no text, no post-it note, nothing. it’s not a reflection on how they feel about you or anyone else, it’s just how they are.

it wouldn’t surprise me at all if don was guilty of this. maybe in the middle of a project he realizes he needs something from the junkyard, flings his duffel over his shoulder and just heads out to go grab it real quick. if no one happens to cross his path between his lab and the garage door, he won’t go out of his way to tell anyone where he's off to or that he's leaving at all. they probably won’t know unless one of them text or call him (rip leo and raph’s stress-o-meters). there’s, of course, a chance his family has caught onto this habit and requested he let SOMEONE know, but… that also means don would have to comply to that. be it intentionally ignoring this request or maybe just being too wrapped up in his work or creative excitement to get what he needs and continue making progress that he just plain forgets to say something, who knows.

sainw!don likely did the same thing, and his exit would have likely been paired with a more unhealthy and stressed state of being. for some reason, a reason we’ll never have, he left their hideout and all dialogue/evidence points to no one happening to cross his path on his way out to learn where he was going.

maybe he just needed air. maybe he was trying to get supplies. maybe he got captured and/or killed while he was out there. maybe there are details surrounding casey and/or splinter’s death that we don’t have that caused him to actually want to break off from the others and go on his own (the 7 in him stopping him from being attentive to the needs of others and withdrawing in full, hostile to helping). maybe he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a genuine, unrelated accident cost him his life and no one knew where he was or even to go looking for him when he never came back. we don’t know and we never will. it's another layer to the tragedy of the episode.

[ryan bergara voice] what happened to sainw!donatello will always remain… unsolved.

i’m sorry, if i don’t meme at least once in this section i will be depressed for the rest of the day, let’s move on.

brains and brawn? you mean don.

this has been commented on in the fandom a handful of times over the years: don’s probably the strongest, physically, out of the brothers. yeah, stronger than raph. there’s evidence not only in-series, but if you consider the enneagram aspect of don and his 5, it opens another perspective into some of the things we might not get to see on screen.

take don’s independence for example. the fact he doesn’t ever want to have to rely on anyone else. sure, yeah, being in danger out on the field--he’s aware of when he needs help and will ask for it in that aspect, as he has recognized that ninjitsu is not the ���skill’ he has mastered or has aimed TO master… but he’s not going to ask his brothers for help moving things around in his lab (especially given that his lab is one of HIS spaces). he’s going to do it himself, even if he has to spend two days building a one-use pulley system to make it happen. this is the enneagram type who just flat out leaves the house without telling anyone anything. you think he’s gonna wander out of his lab and ask someone to help him move a giant tire if he can figure out a way to do it himself? hell no. god forbid.

think about all the shit don has to move on a day to day basis to build and fix and modify the stuff he does. the average weight of an eight-cylinder car engine is between 400 to 700 pounds (that’s 181kg to 317kg). and the original battleshell wasn’t just a van, either, it was an armored car they ‘borrowed’ from the purple dragons (s1ep1). we see that he has a car engine removed and suspended while he fixes it in lone raph and cub (s1ep24) and it's fucking huge. it’s so funny to think that raph is over here like “i’m gonna be so strong [works out in his free time]” and meanwhile don’s out beside some abandoned car somewhere with the hood propped open like “hmm… i COULD call one of my brothers and ask them to help me strip this engine out and get it home… but i could also not do that [proceeds to not do that and gets it home himself]”.

i acknowledge that some of these can be dismissed as "cartoon physics", but humor me for a paragraph.

given that everyone else was busy fighting, don had to've dragged stockman's robotic arm--which is bigger than him--from inside the building to the outer edge all on his own in return to new york pt3 (s1ep23) so he can cover raph from the roof. we’ve seen don single-handedly lift a metal beam off his person (s2ep20), we’ve seen him stop an underwater fan with his staff and force it to stay still (s3ep9), we’ve seen him jam his staff into solid fucking cement cement (s2ep14), when everyone was getting sucked into the portal at the end of the battle nexus it was traximus--the eight foot triceraton--THEN don keeping the chain anchored to the ground (s2ep26), he’s thrown triceratons around with his own two hands--lifted one out of a vehicle even (s2ep4), he dragged two of his unconscious brothers toward the pedestal in april’s artifact (s2ep21), he and raph are both bearing the brunt of the weight of a slab of roof after the foot’s training building collapses in city at war (s2ep15), he’s been at the top of the turtle chain at least twice in the series when they’re hanging off of something (s1ep2 & s3ep26) which means he’s holding up roughly 720 pounds with just his own damn hands and arms.

in his pursuit to master mechanics while being fully independent in doing so, not needing to rely on his brothers to help him move things from the junkyard to his lab to the final piece, he’s unknowingly made himself the team muscle, too. my brother in bushido, do you even lift? yes.

anyway the entire point of this section is to say that whenever i see 03 don written as the physically weak one because he’s the nerd and not the most skilled fighter, i’m immediately yeeting myself out of the conversation. he’ll scrap with you in the vacant lot behind the arby’s and win.

yet another section about the first half of season 4

since we talked about raph and leo’s perspectives in this area of the show--and since i plan on dedicating a section for mikey in his post--don deserves a lookover as well.

if you were to ask me who was probably coping the worst with the outcome of exodus, it’d obviously be leo. duh. but if you were to ask me who was coping the worst aside from leo, i would place my money on don. the series doesn’t allow him to process like it did with leo, and if you zoom out a bit and look at season 3… there’s not a lot of time, we can assume, between sainw and exodus. narratively, there are three episodes, but two of them (the real world parts 1 and 2) take place on the same day as sainw. in both sainw and exodus, don is the last man standing at the end of the fight. in sainw he defeats the shredder after his brothers have perished. in exodus, master splinter and his brothers are all downed. leo and raph are even lying beside each other again. the whole thing had to’ve been too close for comfort on a variety of levels. a slap of deja-vu he didn’t ask for and that no one else in the room is going to understand.

we don’t get to see a lot of don directly engaging with leo’s shift in attitude throughout the earlier half of season four and, maybe while not purposeful by the writers, i think at least some of that could be contributed to his 5 dipping into his 7. where raph is challenging leo’s attitude shift and starting to push him away by becoming hostile (as a way of protecting himself), don is just straight up not engaging with leo at all if he can help it. in his head, he doesn’t have the energy or capacity to deal with this right now. his own inner resources are low, he’s still healing from sainw and exodus on his own, and not only does he not want anyone to know about that, he just can’t deal with leo’s needs at the moment.

his shared glee with raph over mikey having to do a rematch with kluh (s4ep6) could even be attributed to his 7’s desperate and scattered need for a distraction--a change of pace--oh, thank god, not only will this keep leo’s attention off ME and he’ll stop dragging me into training, but maybe it’ll humble mikey enough to get him to stop antagonizing raph for a day because the air around here is already too tense.

when we get to the opening of samurai tourist (s4ep13), don points out that raph’s right in recognizing leo’s shift in behavior is getting worse, but he does so in a way that's uncharacteristically removed for him.

“leo’s gotten really intense. ever since our final showdown with the shredder, he just seems so… angry."

like... this is an extremely surface level observation for the same guy who noticed that they very well could have been in nano’s position had master splinter not been a good person (s2ep11), or who pointed out to mikey that he shouldn’t call the undergrounders ‘monsters’ when to most people they are ALSO monsters (s1ep14), or who connected the dots that if it hadn’t been for the shredder they never would have become mutants (s2ep9), or who didn’t hesitate to give zog a breathing aid because he knew oxygen was poisonous to him (s2ep19)--just to name a few instances.

don has consistently throughout the series been empathetic and aware of the experiences and emotions and needs of the people they encounter. now, one of the people he knows better than anyone else on the planet has drastically changed, but all he can say is that he seems angry. don isn’t in a healthy enough place to feel secure in using his inner resources to spend on leo. they’ve all likely been focused inward and on keeping himself afloat, keeping his own struggles invisible and minimized, keeping his head down while tensions rise between raph and leo.

again, i wish so badly that the series had taken the time to explore the ripple effect of leo’s damage as well as any healing that the other brothers needed to do rather than simply saying “they’ve all healed, but you, leo, have not”. because i just don’t believe that. i do like that the brothers seem to be responding in their own ways to leo’s shift, with don and raph being on the unhealthier end of that and mikey being on the healthy side, but… yeah. wish we had a half season to explore all of them. guess that’s what fanfiction’s for.

conclusion

as mentioned in part 1, the two books i referenced and heavily pulled from in the more enneagram-focused sections of this project (the parts where the enneagram itself is explained rather than how it applies to the turtles) were:

the wisdom of the enneagram by don richard riso & russ hudson

the road back to you by ian morgan cron & suzanne stabile

oh my god, i can’t believe i only have one post left in this series to do. after over a year of working on this thing to finally see it come to a close is kind of wild. honestly, it was getting to the point i was wondering if i’d do it at all (which is why i just FORCED myself to post the disclaimer post as a way of holding myself accountable jfdkls).

anyway, i’m very excited. mikey’s the last one to go, and--as i had a reason i chose to cover raph first--i have a reason i chose to cover mikey last. the reason might be evident if you’ve been paying attention, too. but i’ll elaborate on that a bit more once we get into the post itself. u-u/!

thank you so, so much for reading yet again, and i hope you enjoy the warm drinks and snacks i set out for you. see you in the next one!

[orviposition]

(long ask, sorry)

me, starting to read orv: *never questions anything, why the novel became a reality, who yjh's sponsor is, buying into kim dokja's shitty explanations for his extreme self-sacrificial tendencies. Because. those things just aren't questioned, and definitely not answered in most isekai rpg-esque stories i read*

me, finishing orv: *traumatized, because singnsong proceeded to answer all of those blanks in horrifyingly profound and literary ways*

i just..never thought about it too much?? i reallly did go into this blind, thinking it was a normal, wish fulfillment/self-insert, loser mc to hero fantasy T.T i should've gone in further to your posts because maybe i might've been warned (i started reading cuz of you !!! now pay for my therapy :)

OD reveal my beloved <3 everything about kdj just makes me cry man. i did not think i was gonna get attached to him as much as i am now 😭😭 maybe i was jaded from the multiple shitty isekai anime and manga i've read but i really just wasn't expecting kdj to have such character- ALL of the characters to be so lovable and make me want to cry, cheer and cherish all of them. ESPECIALLY yoo joonghyuk, man the early days of orv where i thought he was gonna be the typical punching bag asshole, unimportant side-character, who the mc gives a beatdown to as some kind of power play(?) 😭 embarassing. hahahhaha

i feel like thats exactly orv's goal. to lure you in with a bunch of trendy genres and tropes and then somewhere down the line it hits your psyche at your most vulnerable. you see kdj being so confident in his knowledge of the world, so omniscient, so to speak, that you simply do not need to question his otherwise eyebrow-raising deeds. he says that helping lgy was hypocritical. he tells ysa that he threw the insect net in her direction by coincidence. he says that yjh is a cold psycho who only cares about seeing the end of the scenarios. and you end up "believing" him. bcs he's omniscient

but then, fast forward a few scenarios later and kdj prioritizes lgy over himself and gives him to yjh to fill the green zone. fast forward a few scenarios more and kdj saves ysa's life with 4th wall's help. he sees yjh lose it when he dies in front of him. he gets so emotional when he finds out yjh has come to the demon realm for him (albeit kdj always seems to give yjh the short end of the stick by Doubting him but by this point we know that he may not be as omniscient as we first thought. especially when it comes to knowing everything about yjh)

fun fact abt me i also kinda went into orv 'blind' so to speak. sure i knew who od sp and tls123 were in names only but the actual revelations shook me to my core regardless 😭😭

and omg 🥺🥺 you read orv because of me im so honored OTL making ppl read orv is like my only goal in life at this point gjsjsh

[sukkanen]

I'm none too familiar with horse breeds aside from what little media and video games (red dead redemption 2) I played but I wanted to ask: What're your favorite kind of horses? I'm a fan of Draft-esque horses. Huge, big hooves, built like tree trunks but look fantastic to give pets to.

oOOOHHH what a wonderful question!!

first off i do love draft horses a lot!! especially the ones with feathered heels (THE FLUFFY STUFF ON THEIR FEET) one of my therapy horses was a tinker horse very much like this:

and she was absolutely wonderful to work with.. though the feathers actually a lot of work to keep clean and healthy, lots of scrubbing and trimming so the horse doesn't end up stepping on them (which feels bad)

anyway ANYWAY some of my favorite breeds (in no order because it really depends on the day and hour of the day what i love the most, and i love them all equally anyway, so)

Friesian Horse

they are *gorgeous* and in my opinion, like the perfect balance between a cold-blood horse and a warmblood one! the strength of a draft horse and the elegance of a lighter, warmblood horse!! they look like an actual dream...

Norwegian Fjord Horse

small, stocky, beautiful and quirky.. one of the oldest horse breeds in the world!! their markings are called primitive markings (dun coloring, dorsal stripe, two-toned mane and tail) and it's really striking to see in real life, too! also i just like their temperament a lot.. they're very pony-like in their stubbornness..!

Pura Raza Española

.. also called the andalusian horse, or pure spanish horse! i have a very personal reason for loving these horses (and especially this coloring, the gray dapple!) cause when i was a kid, i was on a summer camp where my.. uh.. "assigned horse" to take care of was a gorgeous PRE horse, called Navarro! he was pretty temperamental, but very gentle with me. i wasn't allowed to ride him because of his temperament, but just being with him every day was the best ;w; but aside from that, they're just... stunning to see! they move like light on clouds, they're gorgeous, and seeing them do passage is magical!! i went weekly to a stable with multiple PRE horses, and not only are they beautiful, they're also very nice to interact with. i've only had positive experiences with them..!!

Arabian Horse

one of the oldest horse breeds, they're beautiful! smart! gorgeous! they're like, if elves were horses?? or FAIRIES... fairy horses.. literal fantasy magic horse in the flesh!! and i love the way they carry their tails like a flag!!! absolutely legendary horses.

honorary mention:

Suomenhevonen (The Finnhorse)

i can't not include the finnhorse. they feel like home.. they are home... i love em...

but in the end. All horses are angels. And i love them all. so much. i lvoe thmgb.........

[somekindofsentience]

the nature of unrequited love, or personal headcanons on sunny and aubrey

SPOILER WARNING: MAJOR OMORI SPOILERS

CONTENT WARNING: GRIEF, LOSS, GAME-TYPICAL CONTENT

READING-THIS WARNING: I REALLY DON'T WANT A FIGHT, THIS IS MOSTLY ME BACKING UP MY PERSONAL HEADCANONS THANKS :) also i would like to clarify that i DO NOT support shipping the older members of the squad with younger ones. that's gross. it is literally not that hard to do better. (also i believe sunburn requires a lot less therapy than sunflower, and i can totally see it post-game, so i really don't wanna fight with sunburn fans. )

Alright. The goal of this post will be to attempt to prove that Sunny's childhood crush on Aubrey is one-sided, and due to the nature of Aubrey and Mari's relationship, that there is a possibility Aubrey had a slight crush on Mari as a kid. Alternatively, I'd at least like to highlight how much of Aubrey's life revolves around Mari still, even somewhat in secret.

Again, to clarify, I don't condone Mari x Aubrey (are there not three other kids for y'all to ship Aubrey with??) , but rather we should consider the fact that many kids get small crushes on older teens or adults they look up to. I'm sure Aubrey was confident it would never happen anyway - HeroMari is basically canon, and Aubrey is far from emotionally ignorant - but I still think there's a potential that she may have had some unrequited feelings for Mari.

I'll bring in all my evidence and speculation and you can think on it :)

SUNNY'S RELATIONSHIP WITH AUBREY - COMPARING HEADSPACE AND THE REAL WORLD

(If this segment seems similar to another analysis post on here, please let me know because I'd actually like to cite it here as inspiring me, but I can't find it and it annoys me that I can't. Look at me and my great citations, good work sentience.)

Within Headspace, Aubrey's crush on Omori is prevalent and obvious. She tries to get his attention, wants to go on adventures with him alone, and defends him from the Slime Girls. Conversely, Omori rarely reciprocates, likely because at this point, his emotions are so repressed that he can't express more than the simple emotion mechanics required to fight. Aubrey, Kel and Hero all express emotion in their conversations, but Omori remains numb, the effects of repression seeping into the character himself.

We have to remember that Headspace is an extension of Sunny's mind, and while it is heavily influenced by the real world, it's still unreliable. I personally don't like it when people use Headspace evidence to support Real World theories, or vice versa - we need to be clear that these are separate, and Headspace is heavily biased.

There are two pretty key pieces of evidence in Headspace that point toward Sunny's crush on Aubrey being one-sided, and those are the Aubrey School Event and the Rainy Day memory.

The Aubrey School Event is found in Lost Forest 2 (also known as Looping Forest) in Black Space 2, but it is also found when interacting with a TV in the Otherworld using the universal remote. It is a short sequence, oddly colourful in the dark realm of Black Space, where several Aubreys fight to the toast for Omori's love. Omori is asked to choose between the last two Aubreys standing, and the event abruptly ends and Omori returns to Black Space.

The ending is particularly interesting...

We know Sunny daydreams a lot from the Lost Library excerpts...

I personally think that this fantasy and its parallels to the way Aubrey acts in Headspace suggest that the Aubrey School event is one Sunny regularly fantasised about, now present in Black Space 2 as a small remnant of the world he left behind. I also think this points to Sunny's crush being one-sided - if Aubrey's Headspace reflection is similar to Sunny's fantasy of her, then it suggests that this isn't the real Aubrey, and the real-world Aubrey may not have reciprocated feelings or Sunny may have been too shy to own up to them.

We see a big difference between their relationship in the real world and Headspace with the Rainy Day memory. Unlike Aubrey's constant expression of love for Omori, in the Rainy Day memory, the roles are reversed - Sunny is instead the one who wants to see the picture of Aubrey, and Basil even teases him about it, to which Sunny doesn't try to deny it.

Not many of the real world photos feature Aubrey and Sunny alone or conversing together, and Aubrey was asleep when her head fell onto Sunny's shoulder during the Lost Library excerpts. Aubrey is usually arguing with Kel, or hanging out with Mari, or with the group as a whole; and Sunny tends to be with Basil, or typically with the group. Obviously these photos are missing a significant amount of background as to what life was like before Mari's death (which a surprising amount of people tend to forget - those photos are by no means a reflection of the reality!!), but they provide some insight into character and relationship dynamics.

In my opinion, Headspace and the Real World just don't add up for Aubrey pre-incident. Which is why we're going to discuss...

AUBREY'S RELATIONSHIP WITH MARI - PAST AND PRESENT

Past

I believe the actions of present-day Aubrey hold some more weight, so this segment is mostly speculation.

We know that Aubrey and Mari were very close before her death. Due to the dysfunctional nature of Aubrey's household, it's likely she saw the friendship group as her family.

In a lot of the Faraway photos, we see Aubrey and Mari together, whether that be Mari reading to her, the two licking popsicles, Aubrey falling asleep on her shoulder, or the two's promise to dye their hair together, it's clear they're very close.

While we don't have a lot of information other than the album about life before the recital day, Aubrey in Headspace is also very fond of Mari, rushing excitedly to see her. Despite it being heavily influenced by Sunny, there is no real reason for him to obscure other relationship dynamics as it means nothing to Omori's goal.

Which is why I'd like to propose that Aubrey had a little childhood crush on Mari, which she was probably aware would not be reciprocated. She's 12, so she somewhat understands what love is, although considering time context, Aubrey may not have understood lesbianism and might have just assumed she was really fond of Mari, or something.

Mari would never reciprocate, as most of the rest of the group seems relatively aware that Mari and Hero are an item, so Aubrey probably pushed it all down, and was devastated when Mari died. Her friend, but someone who truly cared about her, which Aubrey didn't get a lot of as a child.

She watched the friendship group fall apart, and felt so angry, how could they betray Mari like that? Hou could they betray Aubrey like that?

Present

This post explores how much of Aubrey's current identity revolves around Mari - Aubrey continues to dye her hair regularly (as is evident by the visual absence of any roots), Aubrey spends all her time at the church and the graveyard, and she clings onto the photos of Mari that were defaced.

I find the fact that Aubrey spends her time in the church incredibly interesting. For one, considering what Sunny and Kel have to do just to know where she's gone, it seems as though Aubrey keeps her visits to the church a secret from her friends, aside from the closest. We also know that Aubrey is relentlessly judged by those at the church,...

Aubrey is a complete outcast at this place, and there is no way she's unaware of this. Despite this, Aubrey's nature is to stay true to herself, and clearly Mari means so much to her that she's willing to undergo judgement and ostracization just to feel close to Mari again.

But we can also consider the way Aubrey acts after Mari's death holistically, instead of parts of a greater whole. If she truly just looked up to and wanted to be like Mari, wouldn't she tend toward mimicking Mari's behaviour after her death? Why does Aubrey instead feel vehement anger toward others for "betraying" Mari, and spend all her time near Mari's resting place?

It is possible that Aubrey felt she couldn't be Mari, and she gave up and instead sought for her protection; or that she tried to reconcile the group, but the sheer betrayal and ignorance of Kel, Sunny, Basil and Hero broke her, and she flipped. I'm not going to deny the possibility of these.

But I think there's also a possibility that Aubrey doesn't want to be like Mari, but instead mourns her death as the loss of someone she had a crush on. As a result of this, Aubrey's life centers around Mari, and she is incredibly focused on trying to understand why Mari did it, which is why she spends her time near Mari's resting place. She does these things so she can feel close to Mari again, not so she can follow in Mari's footsteps.

Aubrey misses Mari more than she wants to be Mari. Which is a perfectly normal response to loss.

My main concern with this headcanon is it makes it significantly harder for Aubrey to forgive Sunny and Basil. If she is still much closer to Mari than those two, then I can't see her forgiving them anytime soon. and i am a massive baby and really want her to forgive them

Thanks for reading! idk what else to say. reminder that aubrey x mari is disgusting and so is shipping hero or mari with anyone else in the gang, especially during the events of the game, as hero is LITERALLY TWENTY and everyone else is LITERALLY A MINOR. omfg.

[wickedsrest-rp]

Name: Victoria "Vic" Larsson Species: Vampire Occupation: Stay at Home Mom / Window Painter Age: 310 Years Old (Looks about 30) Played By: Julie Face Claim: Alicia Vikander

"Sooner or later, everyone sits down to the banquet of consequences."

Some people weren’t meant to be parents.  In 2024, if Vic had been a fool who tried therapy, that’s what one of the quacks would have said.  They would patronize her about childhood, telling her that father’s constant, persistent dismissal of her wasn’t her fault.  Maybe they would ask that she try and grant him grace.  After all, plague-ridden Sweden in 1714 wasn’t peaceful for anyone, especially a man with a dead wife and a stubborn daughter who refused to conform.

But that would’ve been bullshit. 

She didn’t remember when her desperation for his affection flipped to apathy, but before long, she was married off. Never did Victoria think that ego and pompousness could be so entrenched in one disgusting human, but she was learning quickly that life had its way of surprising her.  Victoria hated feeling like she belonged to someone, and some childish piece of her assumed that feeling might go away once she was out of her father’s grip.  It didn’t.

But marriage did have a perk. One that exuded a brightness so strong that Victoria couldn’t deny, not even to a quack 2024 therapist, that she would have picked a marriage to her husband over anyone else.  Because where her husband was a deep, dark boil on the ass of humanity, his sister was the opposite: a constant light, inching its way deeper into Victoria’s heart the longer they spent together. There was always a reason to smile around Lyra, and what started as an innocent fascination turned into an intense entanglement.  Victoria had never felt this way about another person, nor had those feelings ever been reciprocated.  

She should have expected life ripping her away.  But she stupidly got herself caught up in the flurry of it all- the way Lyra made her feel electric with just a touch, or how a simple walk together could make her feel on top of the world… Everything made sense, until it didn’t.  There was no warning before it happened- Lyra never grew cold, nor did she give any indication she wanted what they were doing to stop.  Maybe that’s why her betrayal cut so deep.

Victoria never knew the circumstances that led to her execution.  There was no trial, no chance to plead her case.  No chance to question what was happening..  But there, inches away from death, Victoria was grateful to be done with life and all the bullshit that came with it.

But life loved to play tricks on Victoria. Most of the people who came to watch her die left quickly, satisfied that she was gone.  As soon as Victoria was sure she was leaving this life behind, there was a sudden, sharp pain in her neck, and someone urging her to drink, and she was ushered into another form of entrapment.  

Victoria held a deep resentment for her sire, despite her guidance and adept training.  She was just another being determined to hold her down, and from the beginning, she was the enemy.  Her sire, instead, seemed amused by Victoria’s unwillingness to conform, but this would be her downfall. After years of calculated planning, Victoria got rid of her swiftly and violently, venturing alone after that.

Being a vampire wasn’t easy. From the moment she turned, she had a deep sense that vampires were the truest evil in the world.  The thoughts running through her mind, the fantasies of murdering people in cold blood, the cravings-... it was all too much.  It wasn’t long after gaining control that she decided she needed to destroy anyone who shared her …condition.  The best way to do this, of course, was betrayal.  A victim herself, Vic knew the best ways to destroy vampires: lure them, gain their trust, and turn them to slayers when they least expect it.  There was no counting how many vampires she’d betrayed, unless you counted the sum of money she’d acquired doing so. 

Victoria, now strictly referred to as Vic, found her way to Wicked’s Rest ten years ago, thanks to a tip from a hunter. Normally after that amount of time, she’d find new horizons, but Wicked’s Rest  was a goldmine for her.  She never planned to stick around for so long. It just happened.  It was easy, after a while, to let her guard down.  What started out as a few acquaintances with neighbors or patrons from the bar she worked at quickly developed into friendships that caused her to question everything she believed about the world for centuries.  Soon, Vic was a total wreck, and she’d stopped trying to destroy vampires altogether. 

But the most undeniable turning point in Vic’s journey came one unexpected night when a pair of old friends (hunters she met when she’d first arrived in town) knocked on her door in desperation.  When she reminisced about that night, it was a blur. She could barely remember all that transpired: A bounty on their heads they couldn’t escape from.  No family or friends to care for their baby… And then suddenly, Vic hailed as the solution.  Her first answer was no, of course.  There were numerous ways it could’ve gone wrong, numerous ways to lose control. 

Vic knew more than anyone that some people weren’t meant to be parents.  Least of all her, with her apathy and impatience and general disdain for society.  But before she could realize what she was doing, Vic agreed to take the baby in.  

If living in Wicked’s Rest made Vic go soft, motherhood practically melted her, at least in regards to guilt about her past actions.  Now, Vic was determined to right her wrongs.  Her main efforts went into joining the neighborhood watch, misleading anyone who might have gotten even a whiff of vampire activity. She was still leery about being around other vampires, especially letting a now three-year-old Rosie anywhere in their vicinity, but for the first time in her unlife, she began to feel like she was where she belonged.

Character Facts:

Personality: Scrupulous, resourceful, patient, cynical, vengeful, calculating

She still holds a small job to keep up appearances, but most of Vic's acquired (and quite large) net worth is from her former years trading insider information about fellow vampires and their whereabouts and secrets to hunters

Vic has a deep love of painting, and she spends most of her spare time perfecting the craft. Most of her paintings are of her memories of the flower garden that was planted by her mother back in Sweden.

Vic has a bracelet from her time as a double agent that, when activated, hides her vampire status from slayers for 5 hours. It’s getting old and has the tendency to malfunction, and she’s desperate to find someone who might be able to fix it or secure her a new one soon.

Vic bought her Rottweiler, Winnifred, about 5 years ago, both to act as a guard dog and a threat to those who dare try to speak to her.  No one warned her that Winnie would be the friendliest dog on the planet.

Vic is proud that her adopted 3 year old daughter, Rosie, is bilingual, loves the minions, and has impressive color theory for someone her age.  Vic WILL gloat about her parenting skills whenever the opportunity arises.

[johannestevans]

Hey, I'm a big fan of your work and longtime follower, and I have a question re: navigating hookups while having Issues if you have the time and feel like you can answer (or want to toss it out to your followers.)

Basically, I have some pretty extensive csa trauma, and I haven't had a lot of sexual experience. I've been doing a lot of self-discovery lately and have been really intensely craving and fantasizing about getting to know and play with some cocks. I'm in the process of doing therapy for the trauma and extracting myself from a shitty relationship situation, and while I've had some fun exchanging pictures and videos online, I want to try dipping my toes into exploring irl hookups...

...but I'm not sure what the best way to navigate the potential trauma timebomb is! I genuinely don't know whether or not I'll end up getting triggered when I'm actually faced with a real cock in front of me, because I've never been in that situation as an adult. I'm not looking for another relationship, although I wouldn't mind an ongoing casual fooling-around-buddies type of thing. And while I'm okay with fantasy talk and exchanging pictures/videos, right now at least I'm not comfortable actually letting someone else touch/see my body when we're together - I pretty much just want to find someone who has a dick who is cool with letting me play with it for a while.

I'm not sure what the most, I guess, graceful way of communicating "I've had bad experiences in this area and I'm trying to experiment and really want to just touch someone's junk for a while without any reciprocation at all, but also I don't really know what I'm doing, and also there's a nonzero chance that trying might freak me the fuck out" - I have a pretty good idea of what I know are firm boundaries and where I suspect there could be problems, but I'm just not sure how to go about communicating it in a hookup app type environment without telling random strangers way more about my life and business than I want to.

So I was wondering, since you've also mentioned dealing with similar experiences if not having exactly the same type of issues bc of it, if you had any suggestions for when or how to bring it up in a way that communicates the necessary information without getting into the nitty-gritty details?

Honestly, Anon, I think you're overthinking it a little - you don't ever need to explain anything at all, let alone get into the details.

You don't even need to focus on not wanting to be touched - you can put the focus on wanting to touch and play with the other person without a need or desire for reciprocation.

Some people want to just show up and give someone a handjob or a blowjob with no reciprocation, and it's the most normal thing in the world - lesbians have stone butches, gay men absolutely have similar equivalents where like...

Someone might not want their dick touched because they have erectile dysfunction; they might be in a chastity cage, or have an agreement with partners or doms that they not be touched below the belt; they might be celibate, semi-celibate, or ace; they might be very sensitive and prone to premature ejaculation or immediate; they might be going somewhere else later and don't want to come too soon; they might be insecure about the size or shape of their genitalia; they might be poz or have lasting anxieties around HIV or other infections and thus prefer only giving oral without receiving anything or doing other forms of penetrative sex; they might, like you, be traumatised or otherwise touch-averse. They might just be in the mood to suck a dick!

I think your brain has jumped to the explanation part when like...

I don't think a lot of people would necessarily ask in the MLM cruising scene? Like.

If I've showed up and said, "listen, I just want to suck your dick then hit the bricks, that cool?", I doubt that you're gonna go, "Hey, why only the dicksucking? Why don't you want to do something else?" because like. We met up for the dicksucking thing, and I already said I didn't want to do anything else. People are generally chill with that because like I said, there's a million reasons why.

To use an example, like... I frequently tell hook-ups I'm not interested in kissing on the mouth, or that I don't like kissing on the mouth, which generally, I don't - I'm quite picky about it.

People have expressed disappointment when I've said I don't like it, or gone, "Aw, okay," or similar. No one, out of dozens of men, has ever asked me why I don't like it in response to the boundary as I set it - a few have asked about it after we're done, and it's always been in a casual way that's curious and just interested in what makes other people tick.

The thing about the MLM cruising scene is that a lot of us are having a lot of sex. We're having sex with different people, we're learning what we like and what we don't like and what our quirks are, and in the process of that you become quite comfortable setting boundaries or asking for the specifics you like without worrying so much about if they're odd or weird or esoteric to other people - not wanting to be touched reciprocally when you're just interested in dispensing a blowjob or playing about with a dick is barely odd at all in the scheme of things, and even if it were, a lot of people wouldn't necessarily ask the whys and reasons for it. They'd just say "yes" or "no" as to whether they want to be involved.

And same for tapping out, like... Any reason, at any time, you can just say, hey, sorry, I'm not feeling this, and head out. It happens all the time!

[meteor752]

Curious of what a modern au with the kids would look like…

Oh Anon don’t make me go there

(I am going there)

Not making designs for them (at the moment >:)) but I will give you some headcanons

Liana

Home girl is on her way to take over the fucking world

Comes from an extremely confusing home life, with her dads splitting up and getting together over and over again, both of them having had other partners during the breakup periods that never really last

In the present she has two dads and an additional step dad. She doesn’t like him that much, but her dads relationship seem more stable with him so she bears with it

Liana lost her leg just as she did in canon, due to frostbite. She got lost in the woods during winter for almost a week, and lost one of her shoes in a hole. She likes to dramatize the story though, to seem cooler

Started her own company at eighteen, and it grew into a multimillion corporation after only two years

She dabbles in a lot of things with her company, everything from movie production to train travel, tech to food items, theme parks to merch, and everything in between. Liana doesn’t calm down until she has control over every major industry in the world

Evil capitalist? Yes but consider this: Sexy evil capitalist lesbian. It makes up for it

She does own a lot of charities too, the majority of which being somewhat bird related, like the preservation of endangered birds, or rehabilitation of birds that have been abused by their owners. She likes birds

Still married to Jassy, her childhood best friend. She spoils her wife absolutely rotten (mostly with anime merch and manga’s), and would give up her entire company for her

Buuuuuut, Jassy hasn’t asked that of her yet, so Double Co. will keep on growing

Wes

Even without the imp genes, he’s still a big fricking boy

I mentioned multiple times that BDubs and Impulse were a bit like beauty pageant moms with Wes. Well…yeah

BDubs and Impulse wasn’t full beauty pageant moms (like those fuckers who like, perform surgeries on their four year olds so they will have fuller lips and shit), but beauty pageants was a huge part of my boy’s childhood, which wasn’t the best thing since he hates the spotlight and when people have their eyes on him. His dads would have stopped signing him up for them if he asked, but he was too nervous to do so, so yeah

But hey, at least my man can play the cello like a champ as an adult, since that was his talent.

He’s studying geology because rocks are cool :)

As an adult is relationship with his dads is…a bit strained, but he’s working through it in therapy

Engaged to his fiancé Jekiv, and has been so for many years now. Both of them are still studying, and even though his best friend (and stepsister’s) rich af wife has offered to handle the budget for the wedding, they want to wait until they can afford it themselves

Still has OCD and a lot of Anxiety, but now there’s at least medicine!

Gertrude

Golden retriever personified

She works out everyday just so she can lift and hug every dog she meets

One of her dads cheated on her other dad when she was little, so she grew up in separate homes. It was alright though, Big B would always bake with her and take her to the dog park, while Ren would tell fantastical stories and play as much dress up as she wanted

So yeah, Gertrude is actually pretty aight in this universe

I imagine Renchanting is some shop her dad owns, maybe either like a bisexual crystal shop or like a costume place, but she probably works part time there

Volunteers at a lot of dog rescue shelters, and has adopted many of them

Is studying to become a vet, but is also practicing writing on the side. She wants to write children’s fantasy novels, about princesses and magic

Is dating Novo, and has been waiting for him to propose for almost six years. She gonna keep on waiting

Johnny

Man is half British half Arizonan, still somehow speaks with a country accent. Only god knows where he got it from, and I don’t even think he does

Apart from more humane features, nothing about Johnny changes. Still an Aromantic icon, still a sweetie, still a rancher at heart, and he can still absolutely shred it on the Banjo

Suffers from mild anemia and asthma. He sometimes struggles to keep up with his friends, especially when they were children, but he always found ways to keep their pace, even if that means he sometimes had to be carried

He absolutely has one of those trucks that he treats as his baby. He’s worked on it for years, he has a name for it (It’s Butternut), he will cry if it’s even slightly scratched, it’s his child and he loves it very much.

Gertrude probably taught him some mechanics to take care of Butternut

Dreams of one day owning a ranch, but that’s a bit away

He probably volunteers and helps out at a lot of stables and riding schools, wrangling horses and whatnot. He’s got a natural talent, what can I say?

Jassy

She still styles her hair in all of those ridiculous anime styles, but now it takes a considerable amount of more hairspray and time

The way she bonded with her dads as a kid was through their favorite medias, so with Etho they would always talk Naruto and anime while with Joel she would always talk Shrek and Harry Potter

Has taken Ninjitsu and parkour classes since she learned how to walk

The only dyed part of her hair is the green streak. She has incredibly pale blonde hair

Married to one of the most successful entrepreneurs ever, and she pulled that bitch by being a fucking weeb

Is extremely into Cosplay, and has a Naruto OC that is Kakashi’s super cool powerful daughter

Has a job in a book store, mostly because she enjoys having something to do during the days. Is a bad employe tho, spends most of the time reading manga or mystery novels

Collects knives and daggers as a hobby because she’s just that bitch

Jekiv

Imagining Jekiv as not a Zombie is actually very difficult

In canon Martyn just kinda dipped, but imma say he stuck around here, so yeah Jekiv grew up with both of his parents. Separated of course, but they were both present

Still, he’s got a lot better relationship with his mom than his dad. They’re more alike

Suffers from Hyperthyroidism, which is the reason behind his skinny figure, his patchy hair, his weak muscles, and his bulging eyes. He’s had it since he was a tween, and he tries to not let it bother him

He gets sunburnt really easily so he rarely goes outside when the sun is shining. He’s pale af

Is studying forensic pathology, and works part time at a morgue. He’s always had a weird fascination with dead bodies, but hey at least he isn’t a serial killer

Would absolutely be a serial killer if he had the skills and strength to do so

Owns over twenty breeds of frog, two of which is poisonous

Has a resting bitch face, but he also is just a straight up bitch sometimes

Novo

Mans still a lil freak

Has Stahl’s ear syndrome and thinks it’s cool as fuck. Usually has his hair tied up to show it off

Bleaches and dyes his hair a new color every month. His hair is permanently damaged because of it, but he’s mostly fine with it

While his parents are on non speaking terms, they’re a lot more healthy than in canon. Novo is well raised and loved, he’s just Like That

Has a freakish resistance to the cold, like, Canadian level resistance, so mans will just lay in in a t-shirt and skirt in the snow while taking a nap

Picks up a new instrument every few weeks. He can’t play any of them, but he likes to find ways to annoy his friends with them

Is studying law, actually. He may not look or act it, but he’s freakishly smart, and he wants to become a prosecutor

Is dating Gertrude, and has been waiting for her to propose for almost six years. He’s gonna keep on waiting

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

I never wrote an intro so here!

I'm SilentStares but you can call me Silent, Sil, Stare, or Star (i think star is nice and suits me well!) I write fanfiction and draw fanart for a few different fandoms. I'm also silentstares on ao3

you may call me your highness, but i'll accept she/her too. I'm just really cool and I think i deserve to be a pretty princess sometimes!

I am troublingly fond of the worst characters, and I won't stop writing isekai and you can't make me.

I write crack but like, with all my heart. I take it seriously. I will make and have made Keito Hasumi from enstars into a magical girl , and I will take it 100% seriously.

Please feel free to send asks and chat at me! Especially if you for some strange reason want to talk about fanfiction with me or decide that for some reason you might actually want to ask a question of one of my oc's! Or just do something to them- I personally enjoy microwaving them. Im here in hopes of interacting with other fans and goofs not to sit here ALONE and SAD so please do say something to me i assure you I won't be annoyed it's just a tad lonesome here if no one talks :<

Top activities i do: fanfiction, drawing, and programming

~linkies!~

current games available: Hateshinai Umi Aquarium,friends and furntasy

available for free on Itch.io!

Original works:

Halcyon (superhero story about a villain who'd do anything to save his hero!)

Now available to read for free! Please just tell me what you think after that's all I ask <3 I really hope you'll give it a chance, its a lot more similar to magical girl stories than regular superhero stories, and if you like theater-loving villains with the power of LOVE (no really that's his power-) with a flair for the dramatic and bunny girls who really need therapy, and a setting where thanks to my weird magic system that dictates how powers are given, the power of love is one of the scariest powers of all, youll LOVE this, also if you like found family and other things like that youll really love it <3

Do mind the trigger warnings though

also official Halcyon tumblr here

mermay marine biologist dating sim aka hateshinai umi aquarium(in progress)

Friends and Furntasy: a furry game where you make your own character and go on adventures with a cast of strange characters to interact with and perhaps,become close to~? owo (though the dating sim aspects are going to be more of a bonus feature and not the focus of the game)

open to comissions but i dont know how to pull that off very well yet

[assortedvillainvault]

It's a bit of a random question, but I'm simply curious, how did you start falling in love with the Horned King/what's your origin story with him? Only if you want to share it of course^^ Feel free to also just generally gush or ramble about him!

(also btw I think it's awesome that we share him as an f/o now, I think subconsciously I already knew for a while that I'd fall for him eventually, it was just a matter of time he's just too gorgeous💕)

Ok this ask has given me the warm fuzzies for several weeks so thank you and I guess I should probably answer this now huh -

(also every time someone else pops up who f/o's him I'm Absolutely Delighted and am so glad I helped facilitate your decent into lich simpery)

I'll do IRL and self insert shenanigans, so IRL first:

- the first time I watched the black cauldron I'd be ...about 8 or 9?

- one thing you sincerely must understand about me is that I am, unapologetically, unequivocally, unexpectedly....a weenie.

- much as I adore the spooky and the strange, any film that veers into remotely scary territory, or horror in general, that shit scars me down to the cellular level.

- Power to everyone who can disengage/absorb that stuff healthily because I sure as fuck don't and doubt I ever will. Anyway.

- mum buys me the black cauldron and thinks nothing of it. It's Disney, right?

- anyway yeah uh suffice to say boy golly gee I'd never seen *that* many skeletons animated before. Think my little brother started crying at some point.

- but honestly, something about the films mad dichotomy of attempted cutesy fantasy with grim dark backdrop and off kilter humour enamoured me. And I found myself wanting *more* of the dark parts of the film.

- (still early the full cauldron born scenes were cut. So goddamn salty)

- the Horned King became a lynchpin of fascination, something about his eerie voice, his apathetic yet menacing mannerisms and his degraded appearance really drew me in. Esp his summoning and death scenes.

- I think I started drawing skeletons soon after and they're still the easiest thing for me to draw.

- over decade later when I was depressed as all fuck, I rewatched the film and found myself only really enjoying his scenes, in part because he was the only relatable villain to me at the time. (Eternally tired, quietly dramatic, quick to anger and dismissal. A smorgasbord of things to distract myself from feeling like I was actively decomposing too at the time. Brains are wild.)

- now I like to imagine quietly helping him get to a better place same as I've managed to do :) who needs therapy when you have imaginary lich time.

As for self insert funky times:

- rather than imagining myself in the dark ages, mostly because despite living in the UK my knowledge of that time period is just awful, I imagine a modern setting

- crucially tho the events of the film still happened exactly as shown.

- in this setting my s/I has moved to Wales and accidentally rediscovered the -broken- cauldron, and the remains of the castle. Time itself rusted the old thing and it cracked, letting HK's disheveled soul slip free.

- my S/I is an amateur ecologist, with interest in geology and paleontology and history. (So just me. Straight up me. I can't even pretend here) Once she figures out she's effectively haunted, HK's presence is akin to a field day.

- will she attempt to resurrect him properly? Eh who knows. Maybe. I'm a real fucking sucker for ghosts, esp partial possession or soul bonds.

- magic exists still in this setting, it's just mostly forgotten and thus dismissed. Of course my s/I has latent magic because of course, and I love the idea of HK teaching her as a pseudo bonding activity.

- love just watching HK be bamboozled and overwhelmed by the modern world too. Show this lich a toaster someone-

- very low stakes very chill, just two lonely fools trying to rebuild their 'lives' together. Probably the most weirdly cottage core of my selfships if I'm honest. With more dead things.

So yeah that's pretty much it! Thanks again for the lovely ask, and feel free to tag me in anything lich related 🥰

[that-gay-jedi]

Fics I'd want to write but already have too many WIPs to even contemplate adding more to the fucking folder (posting concepts in the hopes they stop haunting me from underneath the floorboards), mostly crossovers:

Fix-it that's just Jedi reading children's books to smol Anakin. It starts when some kind and wise soul lends Obi-Wan The Snow Cat to help him and Anakin talk about grief in the wake of Qui-Gon's death. They help him explore his relationship to prophecy/destiny via The Paper Bag Princess. Room on the Broom to challenge win-lose thinking. Etc. As an adult, he asks Obi-Wan to reread The Velveteen Rabbit with him if he ever gets self-conscious after losing his arm and then we all cry.

Anakin gets therapy but it's inspired by Poe's The Premature Burial, like, they carefully and repeatedly and with plenty of emotional support etc expose him to a simulated reality in which he experiences losing everyone he loves but structured in such a way as to reduce the fear of it rather than make it more frightening, and Anakin thinks his prophecy nightmares of Obi-Wan dying are just (a very ineffective and unpleasant) part of the therapy until he complains and somebody on his care team goes "Wait, what?" which leads to Sidious getting discovered.

The Happy Man's Shirt but make it Vaderwan. Emperor Vader just wants to keep Luke from dying of melancholy, but now he's reluctantly learned a life lesson from a shirtless Obi-Wan and it's making him rethink this whole Sith Empire thing. I'm insane and there's something wrong with me.

Crossover with Were The World Mine (movie). Same age AU with Anakin as Timothy and Obi-Wan in a similar ish role to Jonathan (yes I know Obi-Wan isn't a jock but hear me out), Ahsoka as Frankie and Rex as Max, utter fucking chaos, what Timothy does with the flower is already such an Anakin move tbh

Shakespeare's Tempest but make it Vaderwan, with Vader turning away from the dark side being like Prospero breaking his staff. All about Letting Go(tm). Darth Vader redemption but with so much Force philosophy you'll want to stuff a sock in my mouth.

Crossover w/ The Last Unicorn. Sidious or Dooku as King Haggard, Anakin and Obi-Wan as Molly Grue and Schmendrick or alternatively as Amalthea & Prince Lir, Maul as the Red Bull, honestly *slaps roof* this baby can fit so many reinterpretations/explorations of all our favourite themes in it

Crossover with Celia S. Friedman's Coldfire Trilogy (When True Night Falls, Black Sun Rising, and Crown of Shadows). Listen, are you someone who ever thought it's hypocritical of Christians not to pray for/forgive/empathize with the Devil? Would you go nuts if a fantasy-brand priest homoerotically did exactly that? Okay now what if Anakin was the fantasy-brand Devil (eldritch af) and Obi-Wan risked his own beliefs/moral purity/etc for him, and they were magically connected and intextricably linked, all while the rough equivalent of the Force on their planet was trying to kill them and/or trying to communicate with them (it's complicated)?

Sailor Moon but make it obikin, because we all want to see the horror of Artoo doing Luna's job lmfao.

Crossover with Steph Swainston's Fourlands series (The Year of Our War, No Present Like Time, The Modern World etc). This one would have everything. Obikin with anidala parallels, Anakin making morally objectionable choices, horrifying combat scenes, Star Wars galactic politics meets the weirdest worldbuilding you've ever seen, blasphemy and sacrilege, needless theatrics in the midst of apocalyptic threats, wingfic tropes, idek how else to describe it but we are so missing out.

I'm sure more of these are gonna come smack me upside the head at some point but luckily for all of us I'm only haunted by things I read/watched 5+ years ago and eventually we'll run out of those.