#and social media isn't helping at all
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Small vent/ramble thing ayy fuck
I... really can't tell if people get annoyed that I'm still working with RE8, or if they get annoyed that I work with other things along with it.
Mostly sites like Instagram, which is about as bad as twitter nowadays
Constant follows and unfollows, shite for numbers and interaction... Even here sometimes
I try not to let numbers and all get to me because I know full well it won't end well but like.
Man, I dunno...
I try really hard and have been for years with jack shit to show for it
The instagram hack last year was an exceptionally low blow
And while I'm fully caught up and thriving, I have less than half of the followers and even less interaction
Twitter barely gets anything
Fuck if I know what's going on here on tumblr
I can't read minds
I don't know
#sometimes I get in these moods#and it sucks more and more each time I think about it#i don't know anymore tbh#don't know what to do with everything#trying to grow and just faltering every time#makes me afraid to work on large pieces honestly#like Frontline has well over 30 hours put into it already and it's only about halfway done#and I will actually cry if it flops when finished#but at this point pretty much *everything* is flopping#i know it takes a while but it's hard to have worked this hard and then fail when everyone else has astronomical growth#especially when working on the same thing#not even with RE8 but other things too#just hurts#and social media isn't helping at all#makes me want to quit every damn time I post
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Maple Leafs discourse on their team social medias makes me lose brain cells because wdym they're first in their division and coming off a 5 game win streak & people are commenting that the top players are only in it for the money and have no drive, that particular players are useless and need to be traded asap, that they're a garbage team, that they'll never make it past the first round just because they lost one game.
Apparently because they are being payed handsomely the players must be mindless automatons who perform perfectly every night. It drives me absolutely nuts how quickly alleged fans will completely turn on their own team.
#i cannot understand how some people can't seem to comprehend that the players are still human who will have off days and make mistakes#regardless of their work ethic or drive or passion#it's not actual critiquing either it's basically just grown men cyberbullying other grown men#over a GAME#& they have a ton of people in the organization to critique and help them improve! have you ever heard of a coach!#it's like people want to assume the worst so when the leafs perform badly in the playoffs they aren't upset about it bc they see it coming#but they clearly are upset about it because they're commenting on the leafs own social media pages#& these losers never seem to realize how their own behaviour does actively make it harder for the players to perform#maybe some players will not want to play in Toronto because the pressure is so insane & the fanbase can be so toxic!#it really just is bullying#& those people think it's completely fine & warranted because they don't know the players personally & they're famous & rich#maybe try basic human decency for a change? & not letting yourself get super angry about a game?#& just the bad faith element of it all...#it makes it not fun! this is supposed to be entertainment!#stop assuming the worst#some of these people even assume the worst when things are going well! wdym jt is only playing well bc he knows his contract is almost up#isn't it more interesting & inspiring that someone legitimately improved through hard work & the power of the amulet#to the benefit of your team#let's bring back being a fan of your own team ok?#we are basically already doing that with the lb#(affectionate)#thank god for us!#toronto maple leafs#tml#leafs lb#my thoughts
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In the x reader fandom space something irks me so so bad about seeing a creator who very clearly uses ai getting called "THE [character] writer"
like no..... NO........ the only reason they can produce MULTIPLE fanfics in a day (all grammarly correct without any spelling errors mind you) is because THEY DO NOT WRITE THEIR OWN FICS !!! A BOT WRITES THEM FOR THEM !!!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm going insane the amount of people who do not notice when someone uses AI ??? Holy shit dude
And even if it wasn't just for the sheer quantity, the WAY things are written are such a red flag too ??? Like. Big words that usually belong in an essay, frivolous ways of building what should be a short and to the point sentence, perfect grammar despite its overly complicated structure + no spelling errors ever, avoiding direct dialogue and when it does show up it's ooc. Fics that never go beyond a certain word limit (cause ChatGPT has a word limit), and when they do go beyond a word limit, it's because it's multiple characters. Then in these hcs, they're broken up into overly detailed sections that no real human would probably think to section them up in.
Some things could be ascribed to writing style or the author's personal preference for writing (esp the avoiding dialogue part), but all mixed together PLUS the frequency of the fics...... man I genuinely don't know how people don't put together the pieces ??
#[rawbin]#targeted but I won't say any names#vague posting is my toxic trait#Idk maybe it's because I've studied AI for a big school project or because I'm so deep in the discussions about ai in social media but -#- I feel like it's SO obvious#Had forgotten all about this because I blocked the person this is about but today I read another fic and in the replies the author had -#- replied to “blocked account” calling them “THE [character] writer” and it set me off HELP#Makes me sooo mad how people who use AI can get so much credit for writing that isn't even theirs bro.#hsr
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Creators I love you but it's time to wake up
Among rumors about our tumblr user data being sold off to Midjourney/Generative AI, recent Extremely transphobic events (that have been ongoing) coming to a head, another extremely concerning internet censorship bill being pushed in upper levels of government, and a general air of frustration over how the site belongs to and is operated by perhaps the second stupidest CEO (second only to twitters own) of our age, I'm very done with the last few vestiges of what the old internet held for artists.
And if you're reading this, you probably are too.
I know we're tired. We are all tired. It is not always viable to pack up shop and move, again and again and again.
From tumblr to twitter to anywhere else we've ever grown up posting, things no longer work. Our audiences are kneecapped by aggressive and hostile algorithms, our reach is abysmal - if we aren't shadow-banned or silenced for one (transphobic) reason or another, we're thrust into an ever growing pit of hostility where the only thing that drives clicks is fighting and contention.
We're tired. We're so fucking tired. We aren't businesses, we aren't content mills, we cannot keep this pace that modern social media has set for us, to wring every ounce of creativity out of us to profit from and leave us rotting.
The key to staying afloat here, and I cannot stress this enough, is to stay connected to your peers.
Pack up and move as units if you must. Exodus from the sites that are killing us. Push your entire friend group of artists to move from one site to the next that promises you a kinder experience.
Art drives movements, it drives change, it is all that encompasses being human. If you take that away from the shitty places, they will be left with nothing but a cesspit of inhumanity and the people who follow you will be more incentivized than ever to move with you.
Yes, this is terrifying. There are no guarantees. There never was, and never are, and never will be.
But stay connected. Stay human.
Support each other and be willing to hold hands and jump when we all - as a group - need to jump from the flames we're all trying to convince ourselves wont kill us before rescue comes.
Rescue isn't coming, rescue will be found hand in hand with each other. I'm offering you my hand, please take it. There's always a new start, there are always helping hands reaching for you. You have to look up from the doom-scroll long enough to see and take them.
#art communities#art community#teo talks#sorry I have a Lot of opinions about posting art online I've been doing this since I was 14 and I'm 28 this year#I have watched the rise and fall of social media titans and you have to understand the ONLY thing that will keep you afloat#is keeping connected to your peers#we have to move as units and we have to stay together and we have to support each other#your following is not stability. your friendships are.#thats why you hear about networking. thats ceo talk for friendships. connections.#you have to have enough connections to build your own support web on the chance that everything goes to shit. yes its hard work. it sucks.#but it is a necessity. twitter isn't getting better. its not going back to how it was. neither is DA or tumblr. its not happening.#If you put all your eggs in one or two precarious baskets and both fall. you will be shit out of luck! thats reality#there is hope to be found but you have to be realistic and understand that you NEED to build up a presence elsewhere. even if its hard.#I want to help you if I can!!!! bluesky is a really solid twitter alternative!!!#ive heard good things about cohost as a tumblr alternative!!!!#sheezy and inkblot are both indie sites currently being developed by and for other creatives. support them!#they won't be perfect until - and UNLESS - you do!#anyways sorry I will step off my soapbox now Im just frustrated with the state of everything
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moderation wage labor is inhumane and this is one functional reason social media is a fundamentally insolvent concept
#not that other wage labor isn't categorically inhumane (basically all wage labor under capitalism is inhumane)#but moderation labor... look i can both think facebook sucks institutionally *and* think nobody should have to look at the shit there#especially when they're being paid an absolute pittance and aren't being offered therapy. and especially with graphic gore and csam etc#like look. anyone who does meaningful moderation labor should own a share of the platform they help maintain.#and this is basically never going to happen as long as the owner/rentier/capitalist class exists and owns these platforms#moderation#labor#capitalism#social media#alienation of labor
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aside from your name/alias, your pronouns, and your age... you don't need to document every fundamental detail about yourself on your blog. you don't need to spill every secret or document every minor detail about your life, your health, or your situation. if something is crucial to your portrayal, or you feel something needs to be established for the sake of your comfort/safety... that's different. otherwise... stop oversharing. don't give out your real name, last name, location, or your job. there are people out there with bad intentions and you are making it so much easier for them to cause problems. protect yourself. i don't care if 'stranger danger' sounds juvenile to you now - it's still a thing, and some people in the rpc are far too comfortable dispensing information about themselves to people they don't know.
#rp help#rpc help#rpc psa#rp psa#important psa#i cannot believe i'm making a second post about this#you don't need to tell everyone everything about yourself#they don't need to know the country you live in#they don't need to know your employer#they don't need to know your full legal name#this community (and this site) severely lacks in self preservation i swear#and this is the most??? anonymous social media site too??#like this isn't fb or insta you don't have to put all that out there#use an alias#protect yourselves. PLEASE.
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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@ pro-Israel and Zionists, is what's happening in Gaza enough to qualify them for self-defence against your murdering, genocidal state? Or do you want them to come out of this all cool and chill and forget what happened? At what point are self-defence and resistance movements/groups okay?
Or does that point never come because you've always wanted them completely wiped off Earth?
Because this time, Israel's acts were majorly exposed. You've always acted like h@mAs eViL without knowing any history. This time, you can't ignore what Israel did. Do Palestinians have your permission to avenge themselves after this? Or is that something only you and other white countries are allowed to do?
How do you now view the situation? Btw all this may be new to you but Israel has always done this every Ramadan, and generally every few weeks every year since decades. You've always conveniently ignored it or stayed oblivious thanks to propaganda machines in your countries but this time Israel's barbarity and cruelty are laid out for you to see.
#my dash has started showing me pro israel posts#all with nothing of substance to back up their claims#they are all still stuck on hamas#i am now looking for answers about when it would be appropriate for Palestinians to fight back#or are you all expecting that things will be chill after this?#this isn't the first episode of what's happening tho#social media has just helped expose Israel behaviour that has been ongoing for decades#you can't miss their cruelty in ramadan every year#gosh#Palestine#free palestine#gaza#free gaza#gaza strip#middle east#israel
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I woke up to this and am really thinking about this
#this guy proudly proclaims being an ''extremely progressive bisexual interested in expanding democracy & ending poverty''#how progressive and effective in ending poverty by ranting about helping OTHER countries when natural disasters destroyed all the resources#what do I expect from someone that brings up democracy unironically though#when these people realize you gotta make change for your OWN place of living first if you wanna have this mindset I will know peace#sounds like my damn mother if she wasn't racist you gotta choose something to put work into and stop fretting over the whole world#yeah it fucking sucks and needs to be addressed but what are you gonna do by bitching on a fascist social media site?#you're not ending world hunger by ignoring the very people you spout performative nonsense in the name of#you may be a POC too sir but in the end you are also American you're not immune to what the Residue(tm) did to POC here#sue me for saying I don't really keep up with most politics because I can't vote or anything but fuck even I know this shit#care about politics and changing lives? do something to make that happen because bitching ion the internet isn't changing anything#I'm not even fucking mad I'm just in AWE because I've NEVER encountered one of these people responding to ME before#I'm speechless yet have so much to say because I got this reminder that this really isn't deemed common sense like it is to me#this is my most popular tweet too and it's a damn political reply I'm kinda pissed at that though dhyuigbfuyh#EDIT I JUST REALIZED THAT HE'S NOT EVEN GOT ANY AUTHORITY TO SPEAK ON THIS SHIT BECAUSE HE'S 4TH GEN ARLINGTONIAN#say to my Native ass that the fascist regime should collapse by destroying the whole country to help the reservations boy#you're throwing yourself into the gringo corner of your own volition this is too funny
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i thought i was desperate enough to go back on ff.net and i realized i was in fact not that desperate
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#now im bored w no motivation to do anything#i hate my adhd sometimes bc my brain was all#i need to finish this fic#and now that i dont have access to the fic its like#it cannot think to do anything else except wait to read it#and im ripping my hair out even mindless scrolling on social media isn't helping
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You know I have a cousin who is a trans woman who is visibly and openly trans online, and because she is my family member and I have known her all my life I think I can say on good authority that she is nothing close to a faultless person. I actually had a lot of problems with her growing up and she still often posts inappropriate and objectionable things online that perhaps make her a bigger target than just the fact that she is trans by itself. And I like know that she's quite an easy target and I see herself put herself online in ways that make me worried and concerned for the kinds of comments she gets. She has people scroll her public Facebook page and on any post, especially if it mentions being trans or queer, whether it is innocuous or not, she'll get all these laugh reacts, because Facebook transphobes are evil. But it also feels like, I just wish she'd stop posting like she does. This is not blaming her, and I know transphobes seek her out whether they at first find her saying something respectable or not. It's not fair at all. But I do very much see that she cannot resist feeding the trolls and it's just hard to fucking watch
#she goes through cycles of using and not using social media#i wish she would just use the block button like girl stop trying to justify yourself to everyone#THESE PEOPLE HATE YOU AND WILL NOT RESPECT YOU NO MATTER HOW YOU RESPOND#it's maddening to see specifically happening to a family member. it's never ok to witness#but that's not just any trans woman that's my cousin. i KNOW she has other issues to deal with#and i KNOW so much about her life and issues that i know this online hate isn't even the top of the list#but it can't be helping in fact i know it's not#these cyberbullies don't think of the ppl they attack as being human or having families at all#they don't give 2 shits about cruelty#i feel helpless to defend her#tales from diana#also sometimes she does say shit i straight up won't defend but she doesn't deserve abuse over#for instance she is actually very pro-life. which is a stance i find to be bigoted no matter who it's from#plenty of cis women i have no problem calling misogynists for wanting to outlaw abortion. it's fundamentally wrong#idk why she feels the need to speak on things like that since it does her no favors and makes her a bigger target#i mean obviously it will never affect her since she can't give birth. it is very much like stay in your lane#whether or not you have a uterus it's nobody's right to tell someone else they shouldn't have full legal possession of their own body.#there's really no need to be a transphobe about it to her. but of course they ARE#as well as any other vulnerable/personal information or opinionated stance she gives out#i feel so sorry for her
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To folks who also have a Bluesky, is it worth getting? I keep hearing decent things about it, and the FOMO is creeping up on me, but I don't know if it's worth it, or if I even want to manage more social media right now (plus, the idea of "Twitter but better" isn't the best selling point for someone like me, who never did that well on the former bird site anyway).
#veins rambles#social media#the last thing I need is more garbage to feed the unhealthy number-go-up must-check-my-feed part of my busted brain#but maybe since it's still so new and yet-to-be-corrupted it might not be so bad?#maybe it'd be good to spread my work out a bit? see if it helps with interaction? or fostering community?#uuuuugh I don't know#lemme just become moss#moss doesn't need the internet#moss isn't scared all the time
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The rescent riots in the UK are despicable (but sadly not surprising).
Yes, what happened to those little girls is a tradgey, but the person who was responsible wasn't an asylum seeker, and even if he was, that would NOT excuse the racism displayed these past few weeks.
The people taking part clearly don't care about the safety of children as they're, scaring other people's & indoctrinationating their own into perpetuating racist acts.
Seven years is a lot, though! Then don't fucking join a hate group.
But the non white people are being violent too! Yeah, well, that tends to happen when you attack people. I'm not going to hate on people for standing up for themselves.
They're taking our jobs! Why do you believe that those jobs are YOURS? Are you actually qualified & able to make a good impression on bosses, or do you think just being white should be enough.
They don't work! Well Asylum seekers litrually aren't allowed to until their case gose through but plenty of other POC have jobs (I know you've seen them though it must be hard to make them out through that fog of hatred) & I've met plenty of white people who don't want to (no hate to those who can't because of disability or mental health issues) or loose jobs because they're just overall terrible employees (some of the shit I've seen middle aged white people do at their jobs is crazy).
They're all criminals! Well, that's just not true now is it plus it's been proven multiple times that the biggest factor in crime is poverty, NOT race & again I've encountered plenty of white people who've broken the law yet most didn't seem to get more than a slap on the wrist (if that). Strange, that isn't it?
Well, "those kinds" of men hate women! Ahh, yes, because there's never been white rapists, woman killers, stalkers or harrasers. Its been proven that hating women is a problem in all races & and sadly, the biggest threat to us is usually our own partners or family, not some random aylsum seeker (who if they do hurt women tend to go after the ones from their own community).
They're not from here! Ok, so I don't know if anyone told you, but you can actually be born here without being white and you can't ban people from a country just because of the colour of their skin. Also, neither was half my family, yet we never get told to go back to our own country. Hmm, I wonder if our white skin could possibly have anything to do with that.
They can't speak English! A lot of them are multilingual, actually (& you make fun of their accents) & for the ones who can't well you seem to hate them getting anything (such as English lessons) for free. Also, how many Brits go abroad despite refusing to learn absolutely anything about other countries (there's a reason we're known as disrespectful, violent, sex obsessed, drunks by most of the world).
Also sooner or later we are going to have to accept that a lot of the issues that make immigrants flee their home countries are caused (or at least made worse) by ours & other Western governments.
This country definitely has problems, but we should be taking them up with politicians & their rich mates. Who are the ones actually hording wealth made from the exploitation of the poor, not random people of colour who are just trying to live their lives.
#uk#uk race riots#uk racism#uk riots#riots#racisim#I wanted to post about this straight away but my job has been taking a lot out of me#my phyical & mental health has not been great#rescently (due to unrelated personal stuff) & I wanted to make sure I worded my thoughts as fully & appropriately as possible.#so even though it's later than it should have been (which I apologize for) I thought I should still comment on the situation#Especially as a white person who was born outside the uk but has lived here bassically my whole life#Lastly I wanted to let my followers know where I stand#i know i reblogged something about whats been happening a while back but it felt wrong not to give my actual thoughts on the matter#my heart gose out to any poc struggling right now#i wish i could say this isn't my country but there's always been a racist underbelly to the UK#& unfortunately it seems to be bubbling up more & more these past few years#i think social media is partly to blame (thanks to vice in misinformation & conspiracy theories)#obviously covid plays a part as well (people have lost so much & need somewhere to put their anger)#but the biggest cause (other than personal choise of course as I don't ever wanna erase the accountability of biggits) is our government#cost of living crisis mixed with low wages & little effective financial help#of course jobs are gonna be scarce#add on top of that our failing infurtructer#& no wonder the uk is a mess#but again people need something more tangebible to blame#& the torries (+ all right wing media) have wasted no time in turning migrants into the ultimate scapegoats#& unfortunately people keep falling for it#even my dad has started in on the “woke mob” stuff & its like i still love you & i know you’ve had a hard life but#god is it upsetting to hear#like he was never very PC but he was pretty radical#now he's becoming more & more like his dad (who was apparently a fascist) & i know younger him would hate that
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hey watcherinas!!! having a bit of a mental health time so i think i'm gonna try to step back from tumblr for a bit (by a bit i probably just mean tomorrow but i just wanted to let you know lol) <3
#average boog post#just think i'm getting overstimulated and thinking about tumblr too much isn't helping that so i think i need a little breather#sdndnd sunday is STILL ON!!!#dw ill still be here just maybe not as much (and maybe not at all tomorrow idk i think i need a social media break)#that and some time to just BE without feeling like i need to constantly be creating and posting#i know a lot of what i do here is post silly jokes but i do put pressure on myself to make em good enough so... yeah#just unlearning my anxious / perfectionistic behaviors and thought processes and trying to find healthier ways to deal with things#love you all you mean the world to me#i think i just need to focus less on boog for a minute and more on...#REDACTED#HA YOU THOUGHT A NAME REVEAL WAS COMING DIDN'T YOU#PSYCH#okay but in all seriousness thanks for reading this if you did <3
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If you ever see me becoming one of those transmisandry people, please fucking call me out immediately.
#it shouldn't happen though i am too triggered by MRA-lite material#i can't see that changing any time soon even though i haven't had exposure to the content for like 10 years#the transmisandry discourse on this site melts my brain it's awful it's just online stuff being argued about more online stuff#this is not the same as me saying i will never be treated badly for being transmasc i am not stupid i know that happens#and i am fully committed to fighting the patriachy which has nothing whatsoever to do with my individual manhood or anyone else's#it's a system and yes gender and how we fit into the patriachy is made extremely complicated in trans circles and that's ok!#i promise it is you don't have to design a new system that cis women and trans women are using to do oppression on specifically trans mascs#we're all being fucked over by the patriachy and how the fuck does it help to be divided#but in reality let's face it i can say this all i want but the real reason i'm never going anywhere near being a transmisandry person#is because i was exposing myself to MRA-lite content at a formative age and harming myself in the process#even if i didn't know i was a trans man guess what it would have harmed me just as much if i did have that awareness#and honestly when i see transmisandry discourse all i see is that fucking triggering stuff again#all it does is nitpick whether patriachy is real with tiny examples it doesn't talk systemicly and it doesn't help men in the slightest#it pays lipservice to marginised men but it has no interest in talking about the fact that men are usually simultaenously#oppressed and oppressor at the same time- this is not accusatory it is just factual#it's true of the queer community too and basically every community#but we can't seem to talk about it without just harming each other and blaming and not seeing each other as human#the internet makes it all so much fucking worse this stuff can't exist without it#anyway i'm super rambling but these are genuinely very triggering topics for me i have unfollowed people i LOVE becuase of this#and i still love them! unfollowing on a social media isn't a referendum on that i just can't see that stuff and i need it gone from my dash
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my art will never be good enough !
#vent#im so hypocritical#i give advice on how to not feel terrible about ones own art and then i want to burn all my traditional art and delete all my art files#i cant even follow my own advice. ive wanted to burn and delete my art for several years now and i am very close to doing it#its so hard to not compare myself to others. its so hard to not think that what I make isn't good enough. everyone else can make so#much more beloved art. and they all know that ill never amount to anything no matter how much time ans effort i put jnto an art#it will never be good enough. I will never be good enough.#since I cant stop why dont I just post art then bounce and not scroll afterwards? ive done that multiple times now#but it feels very isolating and lonely. So I can deactivate and leave social media for good so I stop always comparing numbers#but it bleeds into real life. i actually felt this terrible about my art before creating any social media and posting my art in 2020.#i just know that nowhere am i good enough.#I hate that i think these things and am acting like this. I need to quit and discard everything giving up would benefit everyone#in fact why dont i go commit sewercide and officially rid myself since i cant think anything without wanting to commit over it lol#everyone says take a break but i will just come back feeling fine then it will quickly evolve into feeling this exact same way again.#'take a break' I might as well fucking quit for good like I want#making art makes me happy and helps keep me going. but at this point im not happy doing art anymore so I have nothing keeping me from#giving up on being alive anymnore
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