#and so very clearly from the like 30 SECONDS we have seen of him in atsv trailers and literally nothing else

[sovaharbor]

i hate how i [momentarily] blacklisted sp1derverse and the miguel o'hara tag is still absolutely inundated with reader-insert fics with absolutely no grasp of his character and only exist because oscar isaac hot

[doomedmoth]

War is Over

Pairing : Reader x Daniel Ricciardo x Max Verstappen | Poly fem!reader

Warnings : use of y/n, smau, polyamory, queer drivers, reader is around 30

Synopsis : You’re just a mechanic at RedBull, not much more to say. Nothing in your contract says you can’t be friends with drivers, right ? The little lines very clearly says you’re not allowed to show it all though. When your chosen “family” fails you, all you can do is hope your loved ones save themselves too.

Moth’s prophecy💡: Hi cryptids, honestly I have no excuses to give, sorry for the randomness of it all, I just needed to get this out to process with the pain of loosing Daniel. I can only hope he finds happiness away from the shit show that RedBull is becoming. Probably going back to hibernation, see ya !

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yourusername : How it started / how it’s going (swipe for my face when I’m not covered in grease). Hello to everyone new here, I’m Y/N, Chief Engine Power Conformity Mechanician at redbullracing ! Based in the never-sunny town of Milton Keynes, but you might see me around the paddock at most races to make sure no one explodes ✌🏻

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F1mech little miss mini boss 🫡

yourusername be glad to have me around to do the dirty work

F1mech Yes ma’am very grateful ma’am 🫡

redbullracing Your work is so crucial and we are happy the world gets to know you more !

redbullracing Also it was sunny last we came to MK ???

yourusername nobody tell admin we take out the fake blue sky windows when he comes by

user1 lmao I live in Milton Keynes and can attest we haven’t seen the sun in weeeeks

user2 never wanted to be a redbull neon sign so bad

user3 I can see why they hide her in the shithole that is Milton Keynes, the whole paddock would go crazy over her

user4 she would make such a cute wag omg !!

user5 bet every girlie is on their man’s back whenever she’s around

user6 she works for RB soooo… d’you think her and checo…? 😳

user7 she already has someone guys !! Though we have never seen his face, but I think she’s more interested in the cars than the ones inside them

user6 checo is married and still it doesn’t stop him lmao

user8 are you part of the pit crew ?? Never seen you before ! /g

yourusername I’m not !! I mainly work on the cars before and after the races and practices to make sure everything is in place, not faulty, and compliant to both Redbull’s and the FIA’s standards of security 🤗 but 60/70% of my work is at the factory, and the paddock parts happens behind close doors, so no worries

maxverstappen1 she makes sure nobody dies

yourusername and god knows y’all make it hard sometimes

danielricciardo yeah this second pic is so much better

yourusername oh don’t start me boy

danielricciardo hihihi 🤭

user9 hello Daniel ???

user10 How can I work at Redbull too pls I beg you I’ll even make coffee and mop the floors

yourusername check our offers on the website honey !! Most jobs require some experience or diploma but we also offer internships and graduate programs if you want to make your way in

user10 thank u 🥹

user10 that’s how you got in ?

yourusername nope, I’ve worked on cars forever and in motorsports for years before getting to F1, but we have plenty of opportunities in non-technical fields too!

user11 pretty, kind, works in f1, not single, lemme just Google how to be like you

user12 you okay dude ? Throat not hurting too much from gagging on her dick

user13 lmaoooo yeah seeing her looks that’s probably a daddy’s girl who got put in exec and pretends to know what she’s talking about

user14 wouldn’t be shocked if her “work behind closed doors” is ordering actual mechs around like minions

danielricciardo is your little ego so hurt by the fact that you’ll never be talented enough to get to her place that you’ve resorted to running your shitty mouth online ? Breath getting stinky mate, careful 🤢

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yourusername : Everything’s twice as fun with you

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user15 lover boy lover boy lover boy !

user16 I’m more excited for the face reveal than for my best friend’s wedding

user17 pls get checked wtf

user18 wait isn’t he blonde ? who’s the dark haired one in some pics ? With tattoos ?

user19 you might be new but Y/N always post pics of lover boy randomly, so some pics are old, and he often dyes his hair !

user18 wow damn I need his hairdresser coz this is cleaaaaan

yourbff don’t tell me you let him touch your car

yourusername lmaooo never 💀 tried to teach him to change some parts on his

yourbff and…?

yourusername ended up doing it…

yourbff at least he’s cute !!

yourusername Hey ! That must counts for something !

user20 not them bullying him coz he either doesn’t have socials or is not allowed to answer

yourbff what ? us ?

yourusername Never 😇

user21 oh damn she bagged herself a hottie

user22 HE bagged himself a hottie have you seen her ??

user23 couple goals and we ain’t ever seen his face like

user24 ain’t no need for a face with a body like this

user25 kinda looks like Max on the 6th slide no ??

user26 lmao as if

user27 the man can bag any celebrity doubt he cares for a factory girl

user28 the pic with the RB can lol

yourusername trained him well 😇

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user29 replied to the story :

oh yeah I keep forgetting y’all old money rich rich

user30 replied to the story :

so we all forgetting about Horner’s accusation ?? Truly just RB’s bitch in the end

user31 replied to the story :

Is that y/n ?? Didn’t know the mechs were invited to those events

danielricciardo replied to the story :

man I do take amazing pics when the models look so good

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yourusername : vitamin sea 🌊⛱️🐚 Australia, you never disappoint

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oscarpiastri wish we could have hung out more 🥺

yourusername we hung out at your house bby!!

user32 BBY ?? SOMEONE CALL LILY COZ THIS BITCH IS OVERSTEPPING

oscarpiastri we didn’t hang out you repaired my mom’s car while Lily and I were drinking WARM BEERS ON THE FLOOR

yourusername SORRY YOU CAN’T APPRECIATE MY CRAFT LIKE YOUR MOTHER DOES also hi to lils 💕🌸🎀

oscarpiastri DON’T BRING MY MOM INTO THIS she said she misses u 🤗💕✨

user32 oh

yourusername yeah

oscarpiastri yeah

nicolepiastri yeah

yourbff you need to turn off work like for reeeaaaal

yourusername how can I when those two are literally glued to my hip

danielricciardo shocked sad disappointed

maxverstappen1 Lover boy will hear about this

yourusername Are those threats ? Remember I literally have power over your life

danielricciardo not mine anymore lol Lover boy WILL HEAR about this

user33 oh so that definitely erases the possibility of Max or Daniel being Lover Boy

user34 as if there had ever been any evidence of that

user35 Lover boy in the Redbull cap ??

yourusername Yep ! Max gave it to him

user35 daaaaamn he is ripped

yourusername hihi 🤭

user36 no one questioning why the fuck is a mechanician hanging so much with drivers ??

user37 *chief mechanician

F1mech oh shit buddy thank you, we weren’t aware we couldn’t be friends with people we spend more than half of the year on the road with

maxverstappen1 cancel your ticket rn mate, you can’t vacation with us

F1mech come on user36, see what you’ve done ?? Maybe if you hadn’t questioned it I could have gone, fucker

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user38 has replied to your story :

Not you posting this straight after the checo announcement 💀

yourbff has replied to your story :

just saw the news, is Danny ok ?? Pls call me

maxverstappen1 has replied to your story :

Booked you a table at San Marco at 8, sorry I can’t be there tonight…

it’s okay, I know how it is, I just don’t want him to be alone… thx for the restaurant 💕

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user39 has replied to your story :

omg same

user40 has replied to your story :

IS THAT DANIEL ???

user41 has replied to your story :

the tattoos ??? girl we knoooow

redbullracing has replied to your story :

y/n ?

yup yup yup sorry

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user41 has replied to your story :

lmao miss thing is piiiissed

yukitsunoda0511 has replied to your story :

i can’t find my controller d’you have one more ? 🥺

yes bby just come before your food gets cold

user42 has replied to your story :

She supports Max’s rights but mostly Max’s wrongs

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user43 has replied to your story :

preeeaach 🙌🏻

user44 has replied to your story :

all redbull employees protesting the FIA has me going !! Tell Horner to open his mouth too for once

danielricciardo has replied to your story :

I want this pic as my new lockscreen

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danielricciardo : l've loved this sport my whole life. It's wild and wonderful and been a journey. To the teams and individuals that have played their part, thank you. To the fans who love the sport sometimes more than me haha thank you. It'll always have its highs and lows but it's been fun and truth be told I wouldn't change it.

Until the next adventure.

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redbullracing 🫶🏻

user45 SHUT UP

user46 the audacity

user47 you promised you would treat him better !!

user48 Daniel > Perez

user49 DTS fan

lewishamilton legend 🫂

user50 game recognize game

user51 tell Mercedes to give him a seat

maxverstappen1 Head up ! Many more beautiful moments to come, somewhere you’ll be recognized and appreciated 💪🏻 our time together isn’t over, but I’m glad for all the racing, the laughs, the nights, for you ❤️

user52 wow hm Max no need to make all of us cry

user53 I feel like I’ve just walked in on something very personal…

user54 maxiel 😭😭😭

user55 he was the best mate you ever had, never should have left RedBull

yourusername Working with you was an honor, but getting to know and appreciate you made my whole life brighter, and I can’t thank you enough for this 🌞 no contracts can bring us apart, see you around honey bee 💛

user56 the little dig at RB’s contracts lmao

user57 why does honey bee feel much more intimate than honey badger ??

user58 we haven’t seen this level of emotion for De Vries, yet you were already working for the “RedBull family” if I’m not mistaken ??

user59 maybe because no one gives two shits about De Vries ??

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yourusername : Well, there it is. After 15 years of working on cars, the last 10 in motorsports, last five in Formula 1, it’s time for me to take a break. It was just perfect to finish it off in my hometown Austin, and I’m so grateful to my friends and family who made the trip to celebrate together. I remember my first week at Milton Keynes, my whole life in a suitcase. Abu Dhabi 2021, and those stories we’ll keep for our old days. I was so proud to be part of this, the champagne, the fireworks, the love. The day Daniel came back to us. The people I’ve met, the opportunities I’ve had, none would have been possible without you, ‘Bull. It’s been oh so amazing, but oh so tiring. I’ve reached a point in my life where I need my environment to be aligned with what I want, my values and the people I love and care for. So it’s goodbye.

F1, thank you for everything. I’ll miss you, but I gotta go. 💙

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F1mech I solemnly swear to not make anything explode, to always triple check my laces, to never pick Yoshi in Mario Kart because it’s yours, and to forever keep you close to my heart. Thx mini boss, you were amazing 🫡

yourusername Thanks Callum, you’re gonna make me cry now…

user60 US TOO 😭

user61 naaaaah another one leaving RedBull, shit is really going down

user62 where do you think she’s going ? Aston ?

user63 or Ferrari

yourusername Sorry to disappoint but neither ! It’s really a full break, for a while at least, I need to get my head out of the oil and machinery

user64 leaving England then ?? What about lover boy ??

yourusername Lover boy was never British eheh, who told you that ? 🤭

user65 if Lover boy is confirmed to be Daniel I’ll loose my shit

user66 I will always root for Max though…

user67 he has tattoos omg it’s never been Max !!

redbullracing Now it’s pretty sure MK will never see the sun again with you gone 😭

user68 we still hate you

user69 fuck off

yukitsunoda0511 🥺🫶🏻

yourusername 😚🫴🏻💕

yourbff it’ll be hard, but it’ll be good

yourusername thankfully i won’t be alone

yourbff not long to wait

yourusername yeah, soon soon

user70 ???

user71 I have a headache just thinking about everything the soon soon could be about

user72 really doubt Max is staying much longer in RedBull seeing how many engineers are quitting

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user73 has replied to your story :

no yeah we get it this looks much better than the factory lmao

user74 has replied to your story :

Honey bee ?? I’ve heard that one before

oscarpiastri has replied to your story :

Mom said you haven’t gone to see her yet ! Meanie !

user75 has replied to your story :

crazy how Max starts winning again since you’re gone

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F1 : BREAKING : Max Verstappen has announced his retirement after winning his 4th World’s Drivers Championship.

Record breaker.

Late braker.

Legend.

#ThankYouMax

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user76 WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

user77 when I tell you I fell to my knees

user78 screaming crying throwing up

user79 I refuse to believe this is true

user80 what the hell was this season

user81 DTS is gonna have a field day with this one

user80 doubt 10 episodes are gonna be enough

redbullracing There aren’t enough words to describe the impact you’ve had on our history, Max. You’ll forever be a pillar of the RedBull family, and an icon of the sport. Tudududu 🧡

lewishamilton Thank you for the challenges, you’ve always pushed us to go harder. Never thought I would have to see you leave, but we’ll keep your legacy running 👑

user82 Alonso when ???

user83 Who’s gonna take his seat ? Honey badger comeback ?

user84 doubt it, he said in the only interview he gave that he had some friends to go see a few continents away, bet he was talking bout Danny

user85 April Fools ?

user86 In December ??

user87 I really don’t understand why, everything was going much better with the car lately

user88 I think he’s just done with the sport, he said multiple time he wouldn’t force it if he didn’t feel like it anymore

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user89 has replied to your story :

wait, if that’s lover boy, who’s the guy you were with lately ??

user90 has replied to your story :

Sydney airport !!

user91 has replied to your story :

OMG I KNEW I SAW MAX IN SYDNEY THIS MORNING WTF I RECOGNIZE HIM

yourbff has replied to your story :

you did it bby, it’s time to rest now

ily, we will 💕

user92 has replied to your story :

The timing with Max quitting RB is so odd I’m seriously questioning my sanity rn

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yourusername, danielricciardo, maxverstappen1 : War is Over.

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danielricciardo : From sneaking out of restaurants to barricading the doors of our shared hotel rooms, I wish I could have told the world earlier how much I love you. But I’m glad I can now. There’s something magical about finding the one, so when you find the two, you’ll make any radical change necessary to protect them. Think you were right Maxie, the farm life does suit us.

This was the Honey Badger, peace ✌🏻

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maxverstappen1 : Turning off comments coz those two are mine and you can only admire them from afar. I know they’re pretty. They’re mine. And I’ll say it as many times as I want now. Mine mine mine mine mine

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yourusername : Oh, I’m sorry, did I say Lover Boy ? I meant Boys 🤭

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user93 WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

user94 mother is finally letting us out of the cage and none of us can take it

user95 the first pic

user96 I could die

user97 who the fuck even took it

user98 she said “y’all won’t let me post their faces ? I’ll give you the whole sextape”

user99 I knew it I fucking knew it Maxiel nation we won

oscarpiastri so happy for you guys, go be free with the little goats 🥹

yourusername pls try to survive

maxverstappen1 and if RB tries to buy you RUN BACK HOME

user100 oh shit it’s time for no filter Max era

yourusername you’ve had a taste this year, be prepared for the real deal

yukitsunoda0511 finally i can stop pretending to not speak English when asked about you

danielricciardo you were pretending very well if I may say

yukitsunoda0511 thanks !

user101 oh yuki sweet summer child…

user102 don’t tell me in Japan already ??

yourusername you really took a good look at this pic and thought “yeah, those two are straight” ? It’s a you issue honestly

user102 yeah okay fair

user103 7th pic ???

maxverstappen1 Abu Dhabi ‘21

maxverstappen1 tasted better than champagne tbh

user104 oh so y’all are just leaking EVERYTHING now, no fucks given

danielricciardo I had to pay a lot for those pics to not get out back then so yeah kinda

danielricciardo which is a shame when we look so good

user105 sooooo… about the high performance athlete….?

maxverstappen1 yes.

yourusername yes.

danielricciardo 💕

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[idiopath-fic-smile]

this one goes out to all my Singin' in the Rain ot3 truthers—

Cosmo Brown had always known it would end like this.

Cosmo was a lot of things—in fact, you could argue he was too many—but he wasn’t dumb.

From the early years, when Cosmo and Don were just kids playing for pennies in pool halls, to their stint dodging rotten vegetables on Vaudeville stages across the very backwaters of America’s backwaters, to their first real breath of success in Hollywood (and then the second and the third and the fourth), Cosmo would catch a glimpse of his handsome, charismatic friend from the corner of his eye—a flash of dark hair, that perfect tooth powder ad smile—and know that for all Don’s protestations, someday the guy was gonna meet a wonderful girl and get married, settle down, and very gently slip off to the far edge of Cosmo’s life.

So yes, Cosmo had seen Kathy Selden coming. Not the details, not her sense of humor or her musical little laugh or the madcap way she really threw herself into dancing with them around Don’s place at 1:30 in the morning—and okay, certainly not the part at the beginning where she had jumped out of a cake at a party, but he thought a fella could be excused for not correctly divining that. 

The general outline of the thing, though, how Don’s eyes followed her around a room...he had been preparing for Don to propose to Kathy ever since she’d tried to throw a pie at Don’s face. And when the happy day came, Cosmo had been ready with his best man suit, his best man speech, a slightly updated version of “Here Comes the Bride” that’d had Don and Kathy laughing all the way down the aisle.

Don and Kathy would buy a house together. They would have a swimming pool and a dog and then inevitably, a small parade of adorable little snot-nosed kids who would call him Uncle Cosmo, and they would spend less and less time with him, not on purpose but busy with the rest of their lives, and ultimately Cosmo would learn to make his peace with it because he’d have no other choice and he would have to try to move on and not live too much in his memories. He could picture it so clearly, he figured if the songwriting gig with Monumental didn’t pan out, he could always return to the backwater circuit with a new act: The Amazing Cosmo of the Cosmos—ladies and gentlemen, he sees the future, he reads the stars, he silently pines for his best married pal and all the while tap dancing!

Don and Kathy inviting him along on their honeymoon, though—that part was a surprise.

“What?” said Cosmo, hands frozen over the piano keys. He’d been busy with a brand-new assignment; on the heels of The Dancing Cavalier, offers were pouring in and he’d taken the first one scoring a movie that didn’t star anyone he was secretly in love with.

Don had looked a little wounded when Cosmo broke the news last week, but a guy had to start making his own way in the world. Besides, orchestrating layers of strings to swell as the camera zoomed in on Don and Kathy blissfully locking lips in radiant monochrome, oblivious to the rest of the world—well, Cosmo knew that dance, he had mastered the footwork, and he didn’t especially feel like a reprise.

It wasn’t lost on him that Kathy had dropped by his rehearsal space alone today. Of course, he had no idea what this meant—he didn’t think it was about the new job; Don didn’t tend to stay sore at him for that long—but Kathy was acting perfectly natural, and so probably the smart thing was to follow her lead.

“It’s a two-week transatlantic cruise,” she said now, gracefully dropping beside him on the piano bench. “We thought it would be nice to see Europe, take in the sights, get away from all the cameras.”

“Ah yes, such a wallflower, our dear Don,” said Cosmo solemnly. “Besieged on all sides by the love of his public, a tragedy of our times, up there with Lear! Hamlet! Caesar! The one with all the Greeks and the giant wooden horse, nay, nay, neigh.” He played a tragic little trill, for effect. Kathy huffed a laugh and smacked his arm.

“You know that’s not it,” she said. “Being watched all the time—we can’t always do what we want. It’s rotten.”

Tell me about it, thought Cosmo.

He was sort of seeing a fight choreographer named Archibald, who came from old money and was a “the third” or a “the fifth” but nice enough Cosmo might even forgive him for that. Archibald was trim and athletic, with dark brown hair that was just starting to go gray at the temples and enough discretion that Cosmo didn’t think they’d get caught. The only problem was that he didn’t laugh at Cosmo’s jokes, seemed to just tolerate them.

“What do you two even talk about, then?” Don had asked, when Cosmo had let this slip over drinks the same night he’d explained about the new movie project. (Cosmo had been trying to spend less time with Don and Kathy since the wedding but Don had said, “C’mon, pal, we miss you” and Kathy had laid one hand on his arm and peered up at him with her big green eyes and Cosmo was only one man.)

Cosmo had frowned, because Don hated Archibald, for reasons that were frankly mysterious. Then he’d looked up and grinned a grin he didn’t exactly feel and said,

“Tell you when you’re older,” and then Don had choked on his dry Martini even though Cosmo knew Don knew about Cosmo’s tendencies. It wasn’t something they discussed, and Cosmo had never properly gone with a guy before, but whenever a big-shot producer started complaining about all the degenerate queers in showbiz, Don always sharply steered the conversation someplace else. It was all very gallant and noble and knightly, and someday Don would play King Arthur and Kathy his lady Guinevere—

“Honestly, sometimes it feels as if we’re living in a fishbowl,” said Kathy now, in the present.

“And so your solution is to relocate,” said Cosmo, “to the biggest fishbowl on this here magnificent earth. The mighty ocean!” He struck up a sea shanty. “Oh blow the man down, blow the man down / way ay, blow the man down…”

Not everyone appreciated his musical flights of fancy, but when Cosmo turned, she was leaning with her elbow on the side arm of the piano, watching him with her chin on her hand and laughing. 

“Just for two weeks,” she said. “So, are you coming?”

“With you two,” said Cosmo, just so there could be no misunderstandings. “On your one and only honeymoon.”

“Yes,” said Kathy.

“As what, your first mate?”

“Sure.” She grinned and threw him a quick salute. Cosmo was almost never attracted to women but in this case, he understood the appeal.

He swallowed. “You are aware of that ancient saying, ‘Two’s company and three’s a fast track to divorce court’?”

“You’re hardly a threat to our marriage, Cosmo,” she said, and he agreed, of course, in both directions, even, but it still stung to hear her say it out loud. For want of anything better to do, he gasped, clutched a hand to his chest and reeled backwards so hard, he threw himself off the piano bench, landing in a somersault on the floor.

Kathy spun around fluidly on the bench to face him, pleated skirt whirling a little, heels of her shoes clicking together. 

“Oh, I said that badly,” she said. “I only mean that it’s more fun when you’re around. We have a better time, Don and me both. Remember the night we decided to make Dueling Cavalier a musical?”

“Do I remember the best night of my life?” Cosmo peered up at her from the hardwood. “Why yes, madam, now that you mention it, I believe it might ring a bell or two.”

“The best—” She frowned for a moment, and he remembered then that as a newly married woman, a newly married woman to Don Lockwood, no less, she’d no doubt experienced any number of evenings that blew that one out of the water.

Even besides that, it felt awfully revealing all of a sudden. Cosmo threw an arm over his eyes. He felt naked. He wished he was naked, because that might at least distract from whatever his face was doing.

“So it beats your time with Archibald, then?” said Kathy shrewdly.

Cosmo uncovered his eyes. He forgot, sometimes, that new as Kathy was to the moving pictures business, she was still a city girl, with a city girl’s worldliness. Also, Don had probably told her; that seemed like the kind of second-hand secrets married people shared with each other. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

“Hardly a topic for mixed company,” he said.

There was a pause.

“So yes,” she said and smiled with a smugness that would’ve been unbecoming were she not as cute as a button.

“What do you and Don have against the poor man anyway?” he groused. “He’s never done so much as sneezed in your direction, and if he did, I’m sure he’d use a handkerchief.”

“For one thing, we know you could do better,” said Kathy, folding her arms.

Cosmo elbowed his way back to sitting, brushing himself off with dignity. “Well, better’s not exactly knocking on my door right now.”

“This town doesn’t have an ounce of sense.” She reached down to offer him a hand up, pulling Cosmo to his feet; she was stronger than she looked. “Listen, two weeks away, it’ll be good for you.”

“What about you two?” Cosmo protested as he reclaimed his spot on the bench, Kathy sliding to make room.

“What about us?” said Kathy with wide eyes.

“Two newlyweds might want some alone time?” he offered weakly.

Kathy shrugged. “I told you, there won’t be reporters or cameras. It’ll be plenty private.”

“What about your matrimonial needs?”

“Which needs?”

His eyes narrowed; she was a terrific actress but suddenly he wasn’t sure he was buying it. Kathy wasn’t dumb either.

“You have to know what I mean. Don’t make me play Cole Porter at you,” said Cosmo. She hesitated, and Cosmo began to pluck out a melody: “Birds do it, bees do it / even educated fleas do it…” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Let’s do it,” sang Kathy, finishing the stanza in her lovely alto, “let’s fall in love.”

Cosmo stopped playing.

“I do know,” she said simply, “of course I do, and we’re not worried about it, alright? Listen, do you want to go?”

Cosmo, who had been carefully not asking himself that question, stared down at the piano keys. Did he want to go? He thought back to that night at Don’s, the three of them giddy with excitement and inspiration and sleep deprivation, running through the house, clowning around and dancing with no audience except each other—he hadn’t felt like a hanger-on then, like a third wheel or an extra limb or a chaperone. He’d felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be, one note of a perfect chord.

Still.

“I can’t swim,” he said.

“They’ll have lifejackets,” said Kathy.

“I’ll have to work.”

“We’ll bring a piano.”

“All my houseplants will die,” said Cosmo.

“All your houseplants are fake,” she said. This was true, although he wasn’t sure how she knew since she’d never been to his house. She sighed. “Remember the night of that first screening, when you were about to expose Lina and instead of explaining what was happening, Don told me I had to sing, that I didn’t have a choice?”

He winced, thinking of Kathy’s heartbroken, tear-stained face before they’d pulled up the curtain and revealed who was really singing when Lina moved her lips.

“Yes, and I feel just awful about it.”

“Well, Don doesn’t,” said Kathy. “Because he knew it would take too long to convince me to do something that mean to her.”

“Mean?” Cosmo echoed. “She tried to trap you in a lifelong contract and steal your voice. A common sea witch wouldn’t stoop so low.”

“But there wasn’t time,” she pressed. “And anyway, he knew how it would end.”

“What’s your point?”

“We already bought your tickets,” said Kathy.

Cosmo gaped at her.

“We’ve cleared the trip with everyone at Monumental and anyway, like I said, we’ll have a piano on the boat.”

Distantly, he was aware his mouth was still hanging open. Kathy reached over with one light finger under his chin and gently closed it. 

“That’s better,” she said, folding her hands daintily in her lap. It was around this time she seemed to realize it wasn’t some routine, that Cosmo really was well and truly stunned. “Of course, nobody is going to force you to go with us if you truly don’t want to,” she said into the silence.

“These tickets,” he said at last, “are they refundable?”

“Gosh,” said Kathy easily, “I can’t imagine they are, no.”

The thing was, none of them were hurting for money or work anymore, so the fact that Don and Kathy might be out even a few hundred dollars didn’t catch at him the way it might’ve some years earlier. No, the thought that really seized his imagination was the mental image of Don and Kathy planning this together, Don and Kathy discussing the matter with each other, maybe over breakfast—toast and coffee in their dressing gowns, so sure it was the right thing to do that they’d decided to just go ahead and make preparations: oh and a ticket for Cosmo, of course.

He could do it, he realized. He could go. He wanted to go. It was foolish, but Cosmo was an entertainer; he’d been doing foolish things in front of a roomful of witnesses since he was in shortpants.

“I’ll pack tonight,” he said.

“Perfect!” Kathy hopped off the bench and straightened out her dress. “And bring something nice to wear at dinner for a night or two; it doesn’t need to be black-tie formal, a good suit will do.”

He nodded. “I shall leave the top hat and monocle at home. Two weeks, you say?”

“Yes, and another half-day on either side flying to the harbor and back.” She reached into her coat pocket, and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. “The itinerary,” she said. “Don and I are so glad you’ll be coming.”

“Uh-huh,” said Cosmo. “Say, where is that fella, anyway? What’s the big idea, can’t even stick around to ask his best pal to his own honeymoon?”

“He’s planning the trip,” said Kathy brightly. “Last-minute details. Anyway, he thought you and I should have a chat, one on one. He thought it might help.”

He blinked. “Help what?”

“Help us,” she said.

It was all starting to feel like a farce, like one of those old Vaudeville acts with a lot of fast talking.

“Did it?” he asked.

“I think so,” said Kathy warmly. She turned and began to walk towards the door. “See you at the airport tomorrow. Six AM sharp.”

“Six AM,” he said, and then, foolishly, “You know, I can see why he likes you.”

Kathy dimpled. “Oh, likewise!” She tossed him another smile and then she was heading out of sight down the hallway, shoes clacking rhythmically on the tile.

“Well,” said Cosmo to no one. He felt pole-axed, he decided. He wasn’t sure he had ever felt pole-axed in his life before, but there was no other word for it.

He played a chord, then another chord, then a few more.

“Pole-axed,” he sang, “out of whack, when you are near there’s only one drawback: I can’t be clever, no I lack the knack, Darling, I’m pole-axed, out of whack around you!”

It wasn’t exactly Cole Porter, but he’d take it, he thought, reaching for his pen. There was still an hour or two left before he’d need to race traffic home and dig out his suitcase. Apparently, he had early morning plans.

(ETA: if you didn't see, there is now a second part here!)

(ETA THE SECOND: the whole finished thing is now here!

[steddieas-shegoes]

Modern AU where Eddie is a tech repair person at an apple store in Chicago while he tries to make it big with his band and Steve is a spoiled rich kid who is trying to cover up that he's been using his macbook to film for his OnlyFans or something similar and he needs that shit wiped.

Eddie is as professional as he can be, but can't help but be amused at Steve being worried that he's gonna see everything.

S: seriously, just wipe everything. nothing has to be saved. don't even look through each file. just start over. E: okay sure. but you know you could just buy a new laptop. S: my dad checks my credit card statements. E: okay, so tell him you bought it for a friend or something. S: just. can you wipe it? E: yeah i can.

Eddie doesn't let him know that he already has seen everything because of course he subscribes to S.H. and often leaves him bigger tips than he can afford. He doesn't even know why Steve does it since he's apparently rich, or his dad is.

It only takes a few hours to wipe it, and Eddie's grateful he managed to help Steve instead of his coworker who is a certified Creep ™️ who absolutely would have made sure to watch as many of the videos as he could first.

He calls Steve and leaves a message for him that it's done, but doesn't hear back and Steve doesn't come by. He does the same thing again the next day, and the day after that, starting to grow concerned.

He goes so far as to check Steve's OF page, just to see if there's an update, but sees it's been shut down, like it never existed.

He finally caves, does the most unprofessional thing he's ever done, and texts Steve's number from his own phone.

This is Eddie from the apple store. Your laptop's ready. Just want you to know after 30 days we usually get rid of unclaimed items.

There's no response.

But two days later, Steve comes into the store wearing sunglasses and a hat, clearly trying to hide.

When he takes off the sunglasses to sign everything, Eddie sees a healing black eye and swollen nose.

He isn't stupid.

And he suddenly feels extremely protective over him.

E: did your dad find out? S: find out what? E: about your online job? S: how do you know? E: I wasn't gonna say anything, and I swear everything got wiped without anyone including myself seeing, but I do subscribe to you and I recognized you when you came in. S, already having a panic attack: shit no. this is bad. okay you can't say anything about this to anyone. please. E: I wouldn't, I won't. but your dad found out didn't he? he did this to you? S: *nods* E: you safe now? S: *shrugs* E: need a place to stay? S: i've been saving. that's why i did this in the first place. so i can pay rent somewhere. E: I have a second bedroom at my place that just opened up. up to you.

And of course Steve takes it because he's desperate, and doesn't have real world experience with a lot of strangers, but has a good feeling about this.

Eddie finds that Steve is a very typical rich kid; ignorant to a lot of the world's struggles, but not an asshole despite his bitchy attitude sometimes coming out, thinks money can fix everything until Eddie shows him that apologies and a cuddle on the couch can be better.

Steve is so touch starved, he doesn't even realize the way he always folds into Eddie's side when they're just relaxing and watching a movie, or how he always lets his hand brush against his side or hand when Eddie gets home from work. Eddie helps him look for a job, and they find that he loves working at a daycare even though the money isn't that great.

They fall in love so easily, neither of them actually realize it happens until Steve comes home after a very long day before the Christmas holidays, covered in paint stains from crafts with the kids, and Eddie just welcomes him home with a kiss.

[katakaluptastrophy]

I want to continue pushing my 'Magnus Quinn wasn't actually a terrible swordfighter' agenda.

Obviously, he wasn't on the same level as professional duelists Babs or Pro, or soldiers Marta or Jean. He was a guy who did some kind of fencing in high school and then picked it up again in his 30s, presumably with some degree of seriousness.

When Gideon joins the other cavaliers in the training room, Magnus and Jean are sparring. He jokes about how badly Jean is beating him, but he must have some degree of competence for aspiring soldier Jean to find him worth training with. Babs then mocks him for getting beaten by a teenager and Magnus jokes, describes himself as "absolutely no good", and praises Jean's abilities...before giving Babs such a death glare he gets obviously embarrassed.

It's worth bearing in mind that there's some degree of tension between the Third and the Fifth. Babs will have know Magnus since he was small and has almost certainly seen him fight before. But the Fifth, their relationship, and the relative freedom that Magnus has to not be a perfect fighter (because his necromancer values him as a human being) is clearly something that rankles the Third. In TUG, when Ianthe talks about Babs, she explicitly references Abigail and Magnus. And what's interesting is that she makes a comparison not just between Abigail's husband-with-a-sword and her perfect tool to be moulded and used, but also to Corona's aspirations to swordcraft:

IANTHE (Playing a card) She’s not here, so let me be fully honest, Sextus: my sister is not a swordswoman. She loves to wear big boots and wave a sword around, and she looks wonderful doing it, but her actual competence … well, put it this way: she’d lose to Magnus Quinn.

PALAMEDES Magnus Quinn was a cavalier primary.

IANTHE No, I mean Magnus Quinn now.

There's...a lot...to unpack here: the comparison of Corona to the husband-cavalier is intriguing in and of itself on a psychosexual level, as is the contradiction between Ianthe and Corona's own versions of Corona's competence. But Palamedes' response is also interesting, suggesting that Magnus was up to an acceptable standard for a cavalier, which Ianthe's joking response seems to back up.

So Babs' rudeness towards Magnus and Jean may have a lot to do with the internal dynamics of his own necromancer-cavalier relationship and not necessarily be an accurate reflection of Magnus' abilities.

Likewise, Judith's comment in the Cohort Intelligence Files that the Fifth is 'undoubtedly chagrined" to have "schoolboy fighter" Magnus representing them had to be read against the fact that we know from the Sermon on Necromancers and Cavaliers by Second House stooge M. Bias that the Cohort has a very low opinion of unranked "social cavaliers". And Judith Deuteros may have her own reasons for being disdainful of a cavalier who is so...cavalier...about his intimate relationship with his adept.

Magnus' own self-deprecating comment on his ability is:

"I didn’t get to be cavalier primary due to being the best with a rapier. I’m cavalier primary only because my adept is also my wife. I suppose you could say that I—ha, ha—cavalier primarried!”

But again, there's a difference between becoming cavalier primary because you're the best sword fighter and getting up to a vaguely competent level once you've become cavalier primary (guys in their 30s with high powered jobs tend to be scarily into their hobbies...) He is definitely the worst cavalier there (or would be, if Pro were actually alive), but on a general standard he probably isn't as terrible as people like to joke.

Another important bit of context here is that all of his comments about his own ability occur in the context of Corona trying to get him to fight Gideon. The shy, silent 18 year old from the cult planet whose practice of cavaliership is generally acknowledged to mostly consist of carrying buckets of bones.

She gets paired with Magnus because they assume she's not going to be much of a fighter and Magnus - neither a professional duelist nor a soldier - would therefore be the fairest opponent. Magnus is clearly uncomfortable. And Gideon is certainly Intimidating. But when you consider that most of his previous interactions with her have been trying to coax her out of her shell and clearly feeling rather sorry for her, his comments take on a bit of a different tone.

Does Magnus worry Corona has dragged along this poor kid out of interest or curiosity, and that she's going to be humiliated and never want to interact with them again? As Corona says “Come—Gideon the Ninth, right?—why don’t you try Sir Magnus instead? Don’t believe him when he says he’s rubbish. The Fifth House is meant to turn out very fine cavaliers," Magnus is politely dissembling, telling exactly the sort of jokes that would appeal to a teenager.

As everyone else mocks or is intrigued by Gideon's knuckle-knives, Magnus is trying to look her in the eye through her sunglasses, bewildered that she doesn't know to take off her robes or glasses to fight and then...suddenly realising that she is dead serious and perhaps he has dramatically underestimated her.

After his defeat, we hear him saying to Jean "I'm not quite that out of form, am I?". Gideon's abilities were totally unexpected: she severely tests a top duelist like Babs, and Magnus is surprised to be beaten in three moves. That suggests he's been holding his own rather more comprehensively in previous sparring.

And while he certainly wasn't up to Gideon's standard, he may have managed to draw his sword before Cytherea took him out...

[weebsinstash]

Now don't get me wrong, I like how... calm and unbothered Alastor is, or at least tries to pass himself off as being

but like.... we know he's a drinker.... and we know certain details about him having an alcoholic abusive father who was cruel to his mother which heavily influenced his whole Dexter serial killer morality bs... and I can't help but think of a fic idea where Reader and Alastor are together and, suddenly without warning you break up with him BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON HIM. you're like, legitimately heartbroken and missing him but you broke up for a good reason and, time passes and you dont see or hear from him, you're basically just going on with your life, and, MEANWHILE HE'S JUST SLOWLY DEVOLVING IN A PATHETIC LITTLE MEOW MEOW

His radio show comes on and he's SLURRING and people are aghast. Alastor is usually such a classy gentleman, so careful with his image??? Meanwhile he's in his radio station with several glasses of whiskey and staring at a wall lined with your photos while he's broadcasting, "ohhhh hEeeEy LiSteNers!! How-how are you all doing this.... 😡LOVELY😤 evening. Isnt..... isn't it... so nice to... spend time with loved ones when you need them? 🥴 WELL I WOULDNT KNOW HA HAH HA" *cue 30 straight uninterrupted seconds of unhinged laughing from a man clearly having an emotional crisis* "so on tonightsssshow I was-i wasszzz hoping to-to discussss-"

Like imagine tuning into his show after avoiding it because it broke your heart and it turns from him like, having an actual topic and planned structure of his show, to then, one day you overhear a broadcast and he's just occasionally slurring, saying really really vague shit about how "real men are supposed to be strong enough to protect and hold onto those they hold dear" and you can occasionally hear the THUNK of his whiskey glass hitting the table meaning he's already drunk but still drinking WHILE broadcasting and, oh honey you already sound so wasted you don't need more--

You guys don't understand. I want this man having a very PUBLIC very MESSY mental breakdown because he was CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU and you sat him down and told him you love him deeply but you need sex and you've cheated on him REPEATEDLY and EVEN THEN he was HARDCORE COPING, "w well as long as you promise it won't happen again-" "I cant and i won't. I love you but i cant repress this part of myself" LIKE YOU DECIMATE THIS MAN. Alastor's just beside himself because like, not without valid feelings but you're basically dumping him to fuck strangers. Like. I just. What if he literally had a ring box or was starting to realize he's demisexual on the ace spectrum and was starting to have Those Feelings for you and you're just. Breaking up with him, and all he hears is "sorry but having these disgusting men I don't even know hunch over on me grunting like disgusting animals and defiling me who is definitely way too good for them is way better than being with you my respectful funny classy charming totally-not-husband"

I want you to be walking down the streets of Hell and Vox suddenly comes on their equivalent of a jumbotron and he's visibly beside himself with excitement, "BREAKING NEWS, THE RADIO DEMON IS PISS DRUNK IN THE GUTTER LIKE A FUCKING LOSER, MORE NEWS ON THE SCENE" and it just snap cuts to him facedown in the street somewhere. Have you ever seen Intervention. You can have grown ass adults with successful careers and loving communities and when they find something that breaks them you'll be seeing shit like, children finding their mothers literally passed out in the yard because they were too drunk to get into the house or even WALK properly. So. You just. See him in this legitimately pathetic absolutely humiliating state and you can't help but feel that that's YOUR fault, meanwhile Vox is living his best fucking life, GOD FORBID VOX SEES YOU STANDING THERE CRYING ON THE SIDEWALK, he's then broadcasting your crying face all over Hell, "Hey Alastor even your EX is CRYING AT HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE, GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY LEFT YOU HUH" and like. The live feed of Alastor shows him just, struggling to even lift his head to look up to, wherever, and see your image there, looking absolutely devastated, looking at him with pity and heartbreak. oh, his sweet beloved, looking so distressed because you see him so weak...

Vox is just living it up mocking both of you but he's made several enormous mistakes by putting you on the air, especially looking like THAT, especially with Alastor in this mental state, and ESPECIALLY to mock you when you're already looking so broken. The feed cuts. All the TVs read "LOST SIGNAL" and nothing comes back on the news for the rest of the night. Less than a week later, the radios are on again, and Alastor sounds... completely back to normal? Chipper, even? And at first you're happy to hear he's all good and well, but, there's something about some of the things he's saying that are making you a little.... nervous?

"You know folks, it took me an EMBARRASSINGLY long while to realize that, a true traditional man puts the needs of others above himself, and especially the needs of his special somebody! One can't truly care for one's loved one properly if you're too boggled down with, FEELING SORRY for yourself right? How else are you going to... defend what's yours if you just lie down and take it?"

"So while I was off the air, good listeners, I was doing quite a bit of, spring cleaning, let's call it! Yes, I was... unfortunately very busy, having to wrangle up quite a few.... disgusting, insignificant, dirty, thieving PERVERTS!!!! ....but now that that's all good and done with, I'd certainly like to think these streets are a little more... respectable!"

"To end the broadcast tonight, a final word to all my fellow men out there. If you happen to discover that, for whatever reason, your beloved has run off with another? It was because you deserved it for being WEAK. You allowed another man to just, COME IN and... DESECRATE what is precious to you? Disgraceful. Pathetic. Ill-mannered. You cannot call yourself a worthy partner if you simply allow your beloved to waltz themselves into the mouth of danger, can you? So, a little piece of advice from your humble host here tonight: Take back what is yours. Take them back, do not let them go, and do not let anyone EVER soil your love ever again. ........Also hey! Don't forget that the annual Cannibal District Cook-Out is this coming weekend so be sure to--"

[literaryavenger]

Captain America: Civil War - 5

Summary: Team Cap gets taken to the Raft.

Pairing: Avengers x Reader, Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of injuries. Language. Mentions of Y/N. A little angst if you squint. My poor attempts at being funny.

Word Count: 1.8K

A/N: Thank god it took me very little to finish this one! Hope you like it!

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

The Raft.

That’s where they sent you after they arrested you in Germany. The fucking Raft.

You haven’t even seen Wanda since you were handed your very unstylish new clothes and they made you change.

You got separated from her when they took you to your cell between Scott's and Sam's. You dread what they're going to do to her, but you're powerless to stop them.

You sit on the ground of your cell and don’t move from there, barely registering what happens around you until the sound of clapping snaps you out of your trance. 

“The Futurist, gentlemen!” Clint shouts but you still don’t move, just listening to the scene. “The Futurist is here! He sees all! He knows what's best for you, whether you like it or not.”

“Give me a break, Barton.” You hear Tony say and almost show some emotion, but stop yourself. “I had no idea they'd put you here. Come on.”

You hear Clint spit and then say “Yeah, well, you knew they'd put us somewhere, Tony.”

“Yeah, but not some super-max floating ocean pokey. You know, this place is for maniacs. This is a place for…”

“Criminals?” Clint interrupts him. “Criminals, Tony. Think that's the word you're looking for. Right? That didn't used to mean me. Or Sam, or Y/N, or Wanda. But here we are.”

“Because you broke the law.” Tony says.

“Yeah.” Clint says back and starts chanting “La la la la la” while Tony talks, making you grin slightly.

“I didn't make you. You read it, you broke it.” Tony keeps talking. “Alright, you're all grown up, you got a wife and kids. I don't understand, why didn't you think about them before you chose the wrong side.” he says and your face falls again immediately, knowing Tony went too far.

“You gotta watch your back with this guy.” Clint says before slamming his hands on the bars angrily. “There's a chance he's gonna break it!”

“Hank Pym always said, you never can trust a Stark.” You hear Scott say from the cell on your right.

“Who are you?” Tony says, his voice closer to you than before, and you can hear Scott mumbling “Come on, man.”

Tony gets to your cell and sees you sitting on the ground, hugging your knees tight to your chest, your head resting back on the wall while you look straight ahead.

Tony is nothing short of shocked when he sees your face all beat up and bruised, your arm bandaged with blood seeping through it showing just how big and deep the cut is, all courtesy of Ayo.

“I never wanted to see you like this...” Tony says softly but you don’t even react to his words.

He’s standing in front of you but it’s like he’s not even there, like you’re looking right through him to something more interesting behind him.

Tony sighs and shakes his head before moving to Sam’s cell.

“How's Rhodes?” Sam asks right away.

“They're flying him to Columbia Medical tomorrow. So… fingers cross.” Tony answers and you close your eyes, grateful that he’s still alive at least. “What do you need? They feed you yet?”

“You're the good cop now?” Sam asks almost in disbelief.

“I'm just the guy who needs to know where Steve went.” Tony answers calmly.

“Well, you better go get a bad cop, because you're gonna have to go Mark Fuhrman on my ass to get information out of me.”

“Oh, I just knocked the 'A' out of their 'AV'.” Tony says, much too playfully for your taste. “We got about 30 seconds before they realize it's not their equipment.”

You furrow your eyebrows at his next sentence. “Just look. Because that is the fellow who was supposed to interrogate Barnes. Clearly, I made a mistake. Sam, I was wrong.”

Your eyes snap open at his apology and, even though you can’t see either of them, you know Sam’s feeling the same way as you, which is confirmed by his next sentence. “That's a first.”

“Cap is definitely off the reservation but he's about to need all the help he can get. We don't know each other very well. You don't have to-”

“Hey, it's alright.” Sam interrupts him, then you hear him sigh and after a little pause he says “Look, I'll tell you… but you have to go alone and as a friend.”

“Easy.” Tony says and Sam proceeds to tell him all about the Hydra base in Siberia and the other supersoldiers.

When Tony leaves, Sam once again tries to make sure you’re okay even if he hasn’t had luck at getting an answer out of you since you got here.

He knocks twice on the wall between you two then pauses and then knocks three more times fast before talking, a thing you two started doing since you both moved into the Avengers Compound so you would know it was the other knocking right away. “Are you okay?”

You don’t answer him and can hear him sighing before continuing talking.

“Look, I’m sorry you got caught up in this and-”

“I don’t regret the choice I made, Sam.” You interrupt him before he can finish his sentence, speaking up for the first time since you got arrested at the airport. “As much as this sucks, it was the right thing to do. I know it was.”

You don’t say anything else. Sam can tell you mean it and he knows better than to push you.

“They’ll be okay.” He says after a moment of silence and then lets you be.

You know he means Steve, Bucky and Tony but you can’t help but think he’s trying to reassure you that Bucky’s gonna be fine.

And you can only hope that he’s right.

-

A couple of weeks after Tony’s visit there’s a commotion in the prison.

You haven’t so much as made a sound since that day, aside from your daily knock on the wall between you and Sam so he can make sure you’re okay, knowing you well enough to know you don’t want to talk but still wanting to check in.

But you can’t help but let out a loud gasp when you see Steve just standing in front of your cells.

You look around when the cell doors open and you hesitantly get up from the floor and walk towards Steve. He hugs Sam, then you, then Clint and then pats Scott on the back, but doesn’t linger long before he’s guiding you towards another level where Wanda is.

You get to her just as the door to her cell opens and you rush inside with Clint to take off her collar while he takes off her straightjacket. You hug her tightly and wrap your arm around her with Clint to help her move you since she looks a little worse for wear.

You manage to move through the prison without problems. You have to hand it to Steve, he’s a hell of a criminal.

When you get to the landing pad you see the Quinjet ready for take off and you all rush inside just to see Bucky at the commands and you smile brightly at the sight.

You have no time to comment, though, as Sam shouts “What are you waiting for?! Go!”

Bucky rolls his eyes but calmly says “We have one more coming.”

You frown. One more? You turn to Steve confusedly but before you can ask anything you can see blond hair darting into the Quinjet and then Natasha’s there.

Bucky instantly takes off and you all take seats and buckle up.

There’s a moment of silence while everyone processes what just happened, but you break it while looking at Natasha that’s sitting directly in front of you.

“Are we gonna talk about the hair?” You ask arching your eyebrow with a smirk.

She groans in annoyance and you can hear the others chuckling while she says “We are not.”

-

After a few hours you all get to a safehouse and Steve ushers you in before showing you around.

It’s not bad: a secluded cabin with three bedrooms, not too big but Steve assured you you wouldn’t be staying there long anyway. Which makes sense, you're on the run now so this is just temporary.

After the tour Bucky approaches you in the living room and only then you notice he’s missing his metal arm.

“You flew the jet with only one arm? That’s impressive…” You can’t help yourself as you reach to touch his left shoulder, your eyes fixated on it. But stop on your tracks when you feel his right hand carefully cupping your cheek.

Your eyes snap up to his and you can see him thoroughly inspecting the wounds in your face that are still healing a little. He grimaces when he looks down at your bandaged arm and whispers “I’m sorry…”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle, Sergeant.” You smile softly at him and put your hand over his still on your cheek, trying to reassure him that you’re fine.

“I bet you can, doll.” He chuckles.

You’re too busy staring at each other to notice everyone’s attention is on you until Steve clears his throat with an apologetic look on his face.

“We need to go, Buck.” He says and you look confusedly between the two men.

“I’m going back into cryo.” Bucky clarifies for you.

“Oh.” Is all you can say and your eyes widen for a second before you force yourself to put on a more neutral face.

“It’s okay.” He smiles at you, but you feel like he’s trying to convince himself as much as you. “It’s nothing I can’t handle, doll.”

You try your best to smile and not look too bummed out. “I bet you can, Sergeant.”

You hesitate for a moment before surprising him, the others and even yourself by giving him a hug. He hesitates too before delicately hugging you back and, after a moment, you pull away. 

He smiles at you with a faint blush and you smile back, watching him walk to the door.

Steve passes you on his way to the door and kisses your forehead, whispering “He’ll be okay” before saying goodbye to the rest of the team, assuring you that he’ll be back soon. Then he also goes through the door and soon both the supersoldiers are gone.

You turn around with a sigh and see Sam, Natasha and Clint standing there, grinning at you, Wanda and Scott looking more compassionate than teasing.

You narrow your eyes at the first three and say sternly “Not. A. Word.” punctuating every word by pointing threateningly at each of them.

They raise their hands in mock surrender while snickering but thankfully don’t say anything and everyone just scatters around the safehouse.

You see the Quinjet depart from the window and try your best to look at the bright side: This isn’t forever, you’ll see him again.

Right?

Requested taglist: @sapphirebarnes @aki-ham @mary-jinx @abbyyourlocalmilf @selcouthial @esposadomd @americaarse

[darkmagyk]

63 mistaken for a couple. 77. Percabeth, of course.

77) In Vino Veritas

Thank you to @phykios for the inspiration!

Annabeth was an affectionate drunk. This was a well-known fact. Strawberry wine on a Summer night at camp. Mead during a Yule Feast, or Downeast when the Pats were in the playoffs. Annabeth became cuddly and smiley, and would tell people she loved them about 15 times a minute.

Piper knew that, and should probably had considered it before her friend had downed so many dirty martinis. Drunk Annabeth was fine for a normal girl’s night. But this was not just a normal girl’s night. It had evolved, from dinner to dancing to a lesbian bar where Annabeth swore she’d wingman Piper.

But now, 3 martinis deep, she keep hugging Piper, laying her had on Piper, kissing Piper’s cheek. Every time someone approached them, she was not effusive in her praise, telling everyone about how Piper was pretty and funny and fun. It was not having the effect she probably expected.

The first time a hot woman had come up and told Piper that her girlfriend was cute, she’d kind of laughed about it. The fifth time, she started to get worried.

“Are you and your girlfriend poly?” Ari, who had a sleeve abstract tattoos and an eyebrow ring, asked, nodding to Annabeth, who had just left Piper’s side to go back to the bar and probably get started on another martini, when this one inevitably flopped, Piper should head to the bar and ask the bar tender to just give her olive brine going forward. Annabeth wouldn’t mind that at all.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Piper said. Just in time for Annabeth to come back and throw and arm around Piper’s shoulders.

“She’s amazing,” Annabeth announced.

“Does she know that?” Ari asked, “I think you two have a lot to talk about.” And then nodded to Piper and walked away.

“Oh no,” Annabeth said. “You’re too good for her.”

Piper sighed, “What are the chances we have sex tonight?” Piper asked, thought she knew the answer.

Annabeth stepped back, like she’d been pushed, “What? I’m married.” She said, “You were at my wedding.” She said it like it was a reminder, like she was confused Piper had forgotten. “And you are very pretty, and very funny, and very nice. But Percy is prettier, and funnier, and nicer.” She reached out and patted at Piper’s head, not unlike how Piper had seen Annabeth do to her daughters, “you’ll find someone though. I know it. You’re wonderful.”

“Well, I want some pussy tonight, so I’m going to need you to stop scaring them off.”

“How could I scare them off? I keep talking about how great you are and how much I love you.”

“I’m calling Percy,” Piper said as her only answer.

Annabeth’s eyes lit up at his name “Oh, yes! You need to call Percy. I miss him so much. He would have fun with us.”

Piper wasn’t sure what Percy’s reaction to a lesbian bar would be. Given details Annabeth had shared in the past, probably just swapping tips for cunnilingus.

She dropped Annabeth off at the bar, and ordered her a martini glass full of brine and olives that she knew would keep Annabeth busy.

And then she called Percy, “Hey, she’s kind of drunk, can you come get her?”

“Is she ok?” He was clearly freaked out.

“She’s fine.” Piper said, “but she’s drunk and cuddly and its scaring off all the hot honeys in the bar.”

“Hot honeys?”

“Can you just come get her.”

“Let me see if Frederick can come watch the kids. He probably will.”

15 minutes later she got a text that said “On my way.” In that time, Annabeth had announced to a set of truly beautiful butches that she loved Piper and was so glad they met.

He could not get there soon enough.

Piper had managed to chill Annabeth’s declarations, mostly by way of a bowl of olives and plate of mozzarella sticks occupying her mouth instead of Annabeth driving away all the women Piper might be able to bring home tonight.

Where are you? Percy finally texted her.

And then it was about 30 seconds before she spotted him from the bar. Piper tapped Annabeth’s shoulder, and then pointed at Percy.

She let out a screech, and then ran to him, practically jumping on him. Percy caught her easily, and his own grin grew. Piper could tell that Annabeth was still eating, but she also pressed her lips to his.

And then hands started to wonder.

“Hi,” Piper turned to fine Ari back, looking at them, “Um…so you two really weren’t together?”

“Nope,” Piper said, “That’s what she looks like when she’s actually into someone.”

“Can I get you a drink.”

Piper glanced back at Percy and Annabeth, she saw one of his hands disappearing up and one down. She wondered if she should intervene, tell them to take their heterosexuality home. But figured they would figure it out. Or they wouldn’t.

“I would love that.”  

[restwellsoon]

Nothing in Particular | 3 - What's in a Name?

Pairing: Omota Uramichi x F!Reader

Summary: A series of unexpected encounters and misunderstandings causes you to fill a large and gaping hole in Uramichi’s life.

Minors and blank blogs DNI! You will be blocked!

Warning: Uramichi jerkin' it <3

Your to-go containers sat innocently on Uramichi’s counter as he passed them each day. You hadn’t seen each other in weeks despite the promise to do so more often. Usahara mentioned something called ghosting, where things seemed like they were going very well, then the other person would disappear without a trace. Was that happening to him?

He shook his head. No, it couldn’t be because you texted several times a week. Were you actually talking though?

Hi, when are you free? Sorry, overtime again.  How was your day? Ugh, busy. Good morning! Good night!

Leaning against the counter, he analyzed your conversation until unexpectedly your photo ID popped up on his screen, making him jump. He waited a few seconds before answering it. You hadn’t called him before.

Bumping the call volume to its max setting, his ears still strained to hear you. All he could tell was that you were talking to a man, though he couldn’t hear the words clearly. His stomach sank. He should have known that things were too good to be true. Rather than letting the masochistic side of him win and continue to listen, his finger hovered over the ‘end call’ button.

“Huh? Ura…?” You said, voice suddenly clear. “Excuse me, Sakumoto, there’s something I need to take care of. I expect an email with more details by the end of tomorrow.”

Had he been listening this entire time, or was this a long voicemail? “Uramichi…?”

He said your name. “Hello?” 

Fiddling with the pen on your desk, you smiled when you heard him speak. “Sorry for the random call! I’m still at work right now, trying to tie up loose ends for that team dinner on Friday.”

Ah, so it wasn’t what he thought it was. That sick feeling in his stomach disappeared as he hummed, scrolling back a few days to see that you did mention having to plan something nice for your team.

Putting away your things and slinging your bag around your shoulder, you pulled out your earbuds to keep your hands free. “You’re quiet,” you noted. “Guess I must have disturbed ya, huh?” 

He shook his head even though you couldn’t see him. “No, I’m just a little tired. I just got back from the gym.” A part of him was waiting for a comment about being a gorilla or that he was a meathead.

Pushing past the front door, you didn’t bother to give your workplace another glance. You were too busy thinking of a sweaty Uramichi lifting weights and breathing heavily. His face probably flushed easily and his sweat made his hair stick to his forehead. You thought of the way his Adam's apple moved as he gulped down water. Good thing you were done for the day–and good lord, was it already night?--because your thoughts were definitely NSFW.

“Ooh, look at you. Good job,” you said. “I’ll let you get your rest then.”

He gripped the edge of the counter, somehow not expecting that answer. Was it only him that wanted to talk longer? Ah, but you said you were just leaving work. He looked at the clock. It read a god awful 8:30 PM. 

“Oh, and Michi? It was so nice to hear your voice.” He could hear your smile. Did you actually mean that? He found himself smiling back at your words. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

---

Smokes in hand, Uramichi stiffened when he felt an unknown presence stalking behind him. It couldn’t have been Amon. He was out on vacation. Besides, this person’s aura felt far too menacing compared to the creative producer.

“Oh, Uramichi oniisan~” Utano sang from behind. When he didn’t stop, her voice dropped. “Hey, we need to talk.”

He was a few paces from the smoke room, and slowly he turned to see if he could make a run for it. Utano was somehow behind him, but at the very least she was pushing him towards where he wanted to go.

“I heard you and my friend had a lovely chat a while ago,” she said. At least she let him light up his cigarette before their break was over.

Uramichi took a quick puff, letting the smoke dissipate slowly upwards. “How’d you know?”

Giving him a look before rolling her eyes, she should have known that this was an Uramichi–and an Usahara and Iketeru too–type question. The lack of experience with women was obvious.

“Duh, we’re friends . We tell each other everything.” 

He smoked a bit more without saying anything. He considered him and Nekota friends but certainly didn’t share all the details of his life with him. Kumatani, Iketeru, and Usahara were in the same boat too. There were things about each other that they didn’t know and didn’t care to know either. What was the point in knowing everything about someone’s life?

“So is everything good?” She asked, annoyed with his silence. 

“Uhh, yes?”

Utano assessed his facial expression and body language. Uramichi’s arms weren’t crossed, letting his hand that held the cigarette dangle at his side. His ankles weren’t crossed either, meaning he wasn’t hiding anything or acting defensive. He spoke and looked at her with a confused expression. Even though he wasn’t as much of a liar as Kumatani or Usahara, she still couldn’t trust him. He didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve like Iketeru and lacked their kouhai’s brutal honesty too.

“Good,” she smiled.

She’s weird when she’s cryptic, Uramichi thought. “Why do you ask?”

Continuing her assessment, she noted that his mood has been more stable these days too. Naturally, she attributed it to your good work.

In her grating cheerful work voice, she spoke, “Things are better when we get along.”

“Huh?”

Deciding that she was done with him, Utano offered a few last words to a bewildered Uramichi. “Make sure you treat my friend well… or else! ☆”

“Chicks are pretty scary,” he mumbled to himself as he ashed the end of his cigarette onto the tray. What was the point of their conversation?

---

Uramichi just needed to get through the work week. His final obstacle before he could enjoy his weekend was a dreaded dinner that the station decided to throw in his honor. Apparently, he was in the running to win a Galaxy Award for outstanding television host, which was a surprise since he didn’t consider himself one. Regardless, his win would give MHK and their show more fame, which equaled more views and more revenue. He hoped that it also meant a bigger paycheck. 

He doubted it though as he followed the directions to an upscale restaurant in Roppongi. The station would rather splurge on luxuries like these instead of paying their workers what they were worth. 

Tugging at his tie, he loosened it a bit before stepping inside. The only time he ever dressed up was when he had to give official interviews as a gymnast and at the year-end work party. He couldn’t wait to dress down into something more comfortable.

The bathroom mirror’s bright lights showed every pore and wrinkle you had as you did one last once over on your appearance. Sticking to your rule to be overdressed instead of under, you smoothed over your clothes, making sure you looked neat. Your dress fit tighter than you’d like, an oversight you made by changing your outfit last minute. At the very least, your hair and makeup looked good.

Your assistant, Sakumoto, had done well with his assignment. Your goal was to make the teams that you managed feel appreciated. After all, you had asked a lot out of them in the past quarter, and their quiet grumbles and complaints weren’t completely lost on you. 

It was a shame that he couldn’t rent out the entire place. Sure, your boss wouldn’t have liked how much you spent, but you’d been in your position long enough to know how to write off certain expenses. It’d be worth it too, you could argue, to have happy employees.

Leaving the bathroom and entering the dining room, you were confused to see Sakumoto and two other supervisors, Hasegawa and Iwamoto, crowding around what was obviously the other party that had the other half of the restaurant. Other staff joined their crowd, and quickly you rushed to assess the situation.

“Uramichi oniisan! Love your work, buddy. If it weren’t for you, my wife and I would be going insane. Jotaru uses up all of his energy doing those ABC calisthenics!”

You turned at the sound of your name. “Utano?”

Giving you a hug, she pulled you aside, giving the crowd a glance. “Hey girly! I didn’t know you were doing your team dinner here. Oh my gosh, we should totally merge parties.” You both looked at the intermingled groups. “I didn’t know that a lot of people on your team were huge fans!”

Sakumoto was chatting with the director while Hasegawa and Iwamoto talked to Iketeru. The other staff continued to surround Uramichi and two other actors that Utano said were the mascots. You hummed, “Yeah, I didn’t know either.”

While Usahara and Kumatani bickered and the other people made their way to Iketeru and the Derekida, Uramichi tried to find a viable escape route from this exhausting social situation. Instead, his eyes spotted you and Utano talking.

He called out your name, making you turn from your conversation. You weren’t sure why you were expecting him to be in exercise gear, especially when Utano herself was dressed up, but you were pleasantly surprised to see how well he cleaned up. This look gave him the aura of a true TV star.

“No way,” you heard Akane, a new hire that you already had to keep an eye on, whisper loudly. “How does our boss know such a hottie?”

Maybe it was because he hadn’t seen you in a while, but Uramichi couldn’t help but blurt out that you looked nice. Utano watched the exchange with the pleased look of a successful matchmaker before giving you space (and so she could watch from afar).

“I could say the same about yourself,” you said, giving him one last look for good measure. It’d be the only casual comment you’d give him. You had to remind yourself that you were at a work event and needed to be professional.

You could already see your staff gathering around you both. Good. You didn’t have to herd them to the correct side.

“I see some of you have already met the stars of Together with Maman, like my dear friend Ms. Tadano as well as Mr. Omota and Mr. Daga along with other members of their production team. It seems like they’re here for their own celebration, so let’s be respectful of that and give them some space.”

Utano waved after her introduction as did Iketeru. Unfortunately, Uramichi was different.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” he told them, then turned to you, “and please, call me Uramichi.”

“We love you, Uramichi!! I can get laid in the morning because of ya’ll!”

Shooting a glare at Daiki, you mouthed that you’d talk to him later. Daiki paled.

Clapping your hands, you hoped that the team would finally get the cue that you wanted them to leave the Together with Maman team the fuck alone. You hated having to repeat yourself. You also didn’t want to look bad in front of Uramichi.

“Thanks so much for being so welcoming, Mr. Omota. Now let’s get ready for dinner and drinks, team!”

Why were you calling him Omota again? Didn’t you both agree to call each other by your names? “No need to be so formal,” he reminded you. “I don’t care what they call me, but you should call me by my requested name.”

Utano snickered behind her drink as you stared at Uramichi blankly. After knowing Uramichi for years, she knew exactly what he was doing. He really wanted to feel close to you. In a way, she felt sorry for questioning his sincerity and motives towards you earlier. This man was unknowingly dealing with an adult crush, and he was so fucking cringe.

Surprisingly, it was Usahara who had come to your rescue, pulling Uramichi away while Kumatani followed behind them. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for you. “Quit bullying her, bro. That’s not how you get chicks.”

Bullying? Uramichi only wanted to be less formal with you. 

To prove his point, Usahara turned back at you and winked, earning a very bewildered look out of you. Quickly, you returned to your team.

Despite the unexpected introduction and mingling, the team dinner had gone without a hitch. Your team was happy, full, and drunk, which you hoped meant that they would continue to keep up the good work. You hoped that you could pay them off with good food and booze until the end of the year, or at least until your own annual review.

Unfortunately, being the host meant that you were the last to leave. Paying the bill, you sighed. Exhaustion made the alcohol hit your system quicker. At least you wouldn’t look like a fool in front of your co-workers.

It was a shame though. You wanted to hang out with Utano more, but your friend had left about an hour prior with her boyfriend. You wouldn’t want to be a third wheel with them anyway.

With no one left from your company, you left the restaurant, pausing when you saw a familiar person smoking outside.

“I thought you left a while ago,” you told Uramichi. 

He couldn’t say that he was stalling just to see you. “Yeah,” he exhaled, “they threw this party because of me, so it’d be rude if I was the first to leave.”

You nodded. “Utano told me about your nomination. Congrats!”

Trying to downplay his achievement, he shrugged out a thanks and tossed his cig in the trash. “Anyway, let’s head to the station. We might miss the last train.”

Following in his step, you teased him, “Uh-oh. Don’t tell me that you’re gonna walk me home after.”

He gave you a look. “Strong, independent women in their 30s still need to be protected late at night, especially when they’ve had a bit to drink.”

You couldn’t argue with that.

---

Ugh, the ride back home would take a half-hour. Clutching your purse in your lap, you leaned forward in your seat while Uramichi stood in front of you. The alcohol was really hitting and had you wondering if you really had overdone it. You closed your eyes as you tried to stop the spins from getting to you. 

The train car grew emptier with each stop, and soon its movement lulled you to sleep. 

Your head rested on something more comfortable than your hands, and you nuzzled your face into whatever it was. 

Uramichi mumbled your name in a strangled voice, “Hey, um, could you uh, could you move?”

Why would you need to do that? Opening your eyes, you saw his zipper, then looked more and saw a bulge. Oh.

Jolting up, you sat back into your seat, relieved that no one was around to see you. Somehow, the fact that you were alone was worse. The subway air felt thick each time the door opened. Uramichi’s cheeks were flushed. Your new position didn’t change the fact that you were eye-level with his boner.

Sliding into the seat beside you, he pointed towards his arm. “You can rest still if you want. We have about twenty more minutes until we reach our stop.” His blush spread to his ears and down his neck. “I think this way will be more comfortable for both of us.”

Wrapping your arms around his, you took him up on that offer.

“How ‘bout one more drink before the night ends?” You asked, getting a second wind from your power nap as well as newfound sobriety. You stretched your arms overhead, a bit stiff from sleeping while sitting up.

Although Uramichi said that leaning on his shoulder would be more comfortable, it was a lie. Asleep, your arms fell limp. One hand covered his own while the other laid precariously on his lap. Your knees bumped into his thigh, and your breasts pressed into his arm. 

Honestly, all he wanted was some relief from this unintentional torture you put him through, but it was difficult to refuse you.

Trying to think of what was open, the two of you had limited options. The konbini, Cat Kick… Oh. That place might work, if you were willing.

“My place is right there,” he said sheepishly while pointing out his building. “I have a few bottles if you don’t mind something a bit stronger than beer.”

“Ah, the really nice apartments,” you noted. Uramichi lived in the high-rise that had its own doorsman.

Uramichi tried to find other reasons why you should go to his place instead of a bar; any reason would do to make him seem less creepy. “Oh! And I still have your containers from last time.”

“Right. I was really missing those actually,” you winked, “so I guess I might as well stop by and get them.”

There was a skip in your step as you followed him home.

---

Taking a good look at his apartment, you tried to memorize everything you could, in case you’d never see this place again. Despite all of his accolades and trophies, his walls and shelves were surprisingly devoid of any of that. The only hint that Uramichi might even be into any sport at all were the dumbbells and hand grips he had in a corner and some workout magazines on the table.

“I’ll have what you’re having,” you said as you made yourself comfortable at the table. 

Uramichi looked up from what he was doing. He was already pouring himself a large glass of whiskey on the rocks.

You looked at him, then the cup while Uramichi grew conscious about just how much he drank. You regretted saying what you did as he continued to pour. He only stopped just a hair before it would overflow. 

And because of social etiquette, he slowly pushed the glass towards you, not spilling a drop despite your hopes. With a tight smile, you accepted it.

“You really don’t have to finish that,” he said, pouring himself an identical glass.

“Oh, it’s fine!” You smiled. “You poured it for me, and I asked for it. It’d be rude not to drink it all.”

Life left your eyes as you swallowed hard to get through the burn.

Coughing, you asked him, “So how was the rest of your night? Sorry about my co-workers. I didn’t know that they were fans.”

He shrugged, “I’ve had worse conversations from parents. But yeah, the rest of the night was fine.” He was hoping that the two parties would merge, but you seemed hellbent on keeping your team in line.

Taking a smaller sip, you said, “I didn’t realize how popular you are. Now I’m kind of worried that there might be more competition than I realized.”

“With the kids program?” He asked.

Before you could say that no , you were not talking about the kids program, respectfully fuck the program, and that you were trying your hardest to flirt with him, Uramichi continued to speak.

“I mean, there are a few other educational programs out there, but a lot of ‘em nowadays are more focused on entertainment. Honestly, I think it’s a bit overstimulating for the targeted age group.”

You finished the rest of your drink in two large gulps, wiping away the tears in your eyes and mumbling about the burn. “Is that so?” You coughed. “Well, that makes you even more amazing.”

How had he finished his drink before you? He made zero indication that he even drank at all–no coughing, no wincing, nothing.

“Actually, I think what you do is more amazing instead. One of your kouhais was telling me that you’re one of the youngest regional managers at the company.”

“It’s not that impressive,” you admitted. “I just… do the bare minimum, which is apparently still too much compared to others–that’s how I fast-tracked it to my current position. And what did it get me other than a slightly larger salary and a significantly larger amount of work?” You shook your head. “I should have spent my 20s at the club or going on gokons.”

“Oh… is that what you’re into?”

“Not really,” you swirled the ice around in your cup. “I guess I feel like I missed out on a lot of things because of work?” 

As a child, you were sold the lie that girls could have it all–a career, a family, and a fulfilling social life–and it was only in adulthood that you realized how difficult it was to balance all three. You never dated because you were too busy getting promotions. Your friend group slowly dropped off as each of you submitted to social expectations and life’s demands. All you had was this shitty job that you needed in order to live.

Uramichi felt the same way with his gymnastics career. The fame and glory meant nothing when it felt like he was falling behind and failing at life.

You rambled on, “I mean, we didn’t even get to have dinner together or see each other until now.”

Somehow your honesty embarrassed him, just like when you spoke on the phone. You made him feel important.

“I’m happy that we’re able to be together now though,” he said, “ alone too.”

Were your feelings finally getting across to him? Maybe he was an honest drunk.

“Is that so, Michi?” Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much around him.

His mouth twisted into a pout. “Aw, don’t play cute by calling me that when it’s just us.”

“I knew that was what you wanted me to call you at the restaurant! Why ?”

There was an innocent look in Uramichi’s eyes. They sparkled with hope and misunderstanding.  “Didn’t we agree to call each other by our first names? It felt like you were going back on your promise.”

That little devil!

“Well, uh, yeah,” you trailed off, recalling that embarrassing incident at the market, “but not while I’m at work! People will be suspicious!”

“Suspicious of what?” He asked, all charm gone from his features and voice. He was serious, as if he didn’t know what you were talking about.

Now that you thought about it, what would that imply? It seemed like a lot of people were on a first-name basis with Uramichi, and people called out to him like that because of his work. It was something that you could easily get away with. Was there anything to be suspicious about between you and Uramichi? Maybe you were just friends or had known each other for a long time. No one knew your history together. How did he see you anyway?

Your dark thoughts only grew darker because of the alcohol, and you fell into an all-consuming spiral. You looked up from your glass, laughing. “You’re right. I guess I’m overthinking things!”

Standing up, you thought it’d be best to leave before you did something embarrassing. “Anyways, I think I should go now.”

The clock read that it was nearly two in the morning. “No way,” Uramichi said firmly, holding you by the wrist. “It’s late, and you’re drunk.”

The problem with alcohol was that it was hard to notice how hard it hit you until you started moving. Everything was spinning, and your body felt heavy and slow. “It's fine!” You tried to argue and pull away. “‘‘m fine!”

---

And as life would have it, things were not fine as you woke up to the sun peeking in through the curtains, strategically blinding you. Groaning, your head pounded from the hangover. You were hoping that all you’d feel today was some photosensitivity and a headache instead of wasting your day by the toilet.

Turning from the sun, your leg wrapped around something that was firm yet soft. You felt the mattress. It definitely wasn’t yours. The sheets didn’t smell like your sheets either. They smelled like…You buried your head into the pillow. A man?!

You employed all the techniques that your company equipped you with for stress management: breathe deeply, express gratitude, ground yourself in the present… Ugh, that was all a load of shit in this situation!

You recalled everything you could from last night: team dinner, train, Uramichi’s place, you hurt your own feelings after drinking too much, then left. You left… right? All you could remember were your intentions to leave and spilling water on your clothes, then changing out of them right after.

Which meant that this bed and these sheets were Uramichi’s.

And the person that you were cuddling was…

“What the fuck?!”

You were met with the blank stare of some disgusting human-bird chimera. Trying to avoid its judgemental gaze, you weren’t sure if you should look at its beak or lips, eventually settling on its bright blue buttoned top. Why the hell was it human-sized too?

“You’re not Uramichi!”

In your fright, you threw the creature with all your strength. It landed a foot away from the bed with a thud.

A shirt that wasn’t yours pooled at the tops of your thighs as you sat, tickling your bare legs. You grabbed your boobs. No bra on either. Shifting, you were grateful that at least your panties were still on. Could you and Uramichi really have…?

Hearing your movement from the bed, Uramichi laid still while contemplating what to do next after last night. He didn’t fully understand why you were upset but couldn’t let you leave in that condition. The water he offered you spilled on your clothes. His plan to walk you home after an hour of sobering up failed.

“Could I borrow a shirt?” You asked before stripping off your wet dress. 

Did you not see him as a man? He wondered as he quickly gathered the dress you threw, nearly getting hit by your bra. He threw your clothes in the dryer as he fought his body’s urge to turn around.

He would have suggested that you laid down, but you already claimed his bed as yours, patting the open spot in front of you.

“Michi?” You asked him, lying on your side with your head resting on your hand. “Aren’t you gonna come?”

The whiskey drunk was slow when it wanted to be but could hit the drinker like a truck just as easily.

“Only if you’ll let me,” he stammered out. 

God, he could hear himself and he prayed for death. He sounded like a virgin, not that it was anything to be ashamed of, but that was something that he wasn’t. He didn’t want you to think that he was a completely inexperienced and inept fool. Maybe he’d just blame all of this on the alcohol.

How could he not be tempted and feel the things that men felt when you were in his bed like that? His shirt clung to parts of your body that it shouldn’t: hanging onto the contour of your hard nipples, bunching up at your waist. Your panties were dark and lacy.

“Well?”

This could be his only chance, he thought, as he did his best to get rid of his clothes. Nearly choking himself out with his tie, his shirt was next. His fingers fumbled with his belt buckle.

Stepping out of his pants, he was met with disappointment. You were already asleep. Fate was cruel. How could anyone fall asleep that fast?

Disappointment brought back his senses, and he resigned to getting the guest futon. When he came back, to add even more insult to injury, he saw that disgustingly large stuffie of Kotori-san snuggled against your body, upside down so its face was buried between your thighs. That could have been him! It should have been him! He glared at that abomination as he laid out the bedding on the floor..

Leaning over the edge of the bed, Uramichi’s back was turned towards you. He slept shirtless, and you wondered if that was normal or because of the heat. He wasn’t even flexing, but you could see the definition of his back. You told yourself that you were reaching out to him to see if he was awake, not because you were some kind of perv.

“Uramichi?” You tentatively asked, giving his shoulder a soft prod. 

That was his cue to turn over. Using his best just-woke-up-but-not-really voice, he mumbled a low ‘good morning’ while stretching out on his back.

“Morning! Would–” His blanket dropped lower, revealing chiseled abs and a tease of his boxer’s waistband. It also revealed a very noticeable tent where his cock was. You caught yourself. “Would you happen to know where my clothes are?”

The sexual frustration and tension from last hit you two harder than your hangovers as you both stared at each other for a moment. Everything you felt last night was bubbling up, and in some weak attempt at protection, you grabbed his sheet to cover up.

“They’re in the dryer,” he said, scrambling to get up. You saw the rest of his perfect body. “I’ll grab ‘em.”

Pointing out the bathroom, he handed off your dress, and you scurried there while he headed to the balcony to smoke.

In the bathroom, you went over last night’s events again. You and Uramichi seemed to have done nothing explicit at all, but he had to have some interest in you, right? There was no way he’d let any woman that he was merely acquainted with sleep in his bed. He was kind though, so maybe he was just being polite?

Coming out of the bathroom with his shirt folded, you thanked him for taking care of you and apologized for any trouble that you might have caused. He stared at you with his cigarette hanging off his lips, an unreadable expression on his face.

“I’ll be heading out now,” you told him, not giving him a chance to even see you off. You hoped that you could quickly walk off your embarrassment.

Putting out the cig, he trailed behind you. There were so many things he wanted to say. 

“Wait!” He tried to call out. It only made you walk faster. “I wanted to,”–The front door slammed as he stood in the hallway–“at least kiss you goodbye.”

---

“‘Scuse me!” You called out in a hurry, pushing past two guys to make sure you caught the elevator down. Your walk of shame started now, and the fact that you didn’t even fuck made it even worse.

“Man,” Usahara commented, glancing back to make sure you weren’t waiting by the lift, “hope she’s not late for work. It’s past noon.”

“Probably is,” Kumatani shrugged, trying to think of why you looked so familiar. Nothing came to mind. “Oh well. Think Uramichi will let us in? He hasn’t answered any of our calls or texts, so I hope he didn’t forget about today.”

Swinging the bag of alcohol he brought, Usahara laughed. “That dude? No way! I bet this is the only thing he’s got goin’ on for the weekend. Well, this, and hitting up the gym.” 

The door opened to reveal an exhausted Uramichi, now dressed in athleisure as he quickly tidied up his apartment. Thankfully, his phone’s ringer was on, and he saw the texts in their group chat.

“Yo dude, you look like death,” Usahara said first, pushing his way past the disgruntled man to throw some drinks in the fridge.

There was something off about their senpai and his place, but he couldn’t place what. Kumatani felt it too.

“Yeah, more so than usual. You sure you’re still up to watch this movie?”

Uramichi sighed, closing the door. “Well, you’ve already made yourselves at home, haven’t you? Even if I said no, I don’t think you would leave.”

Settling into his spot at the table, Uramichi thought about how last night you were across from him sharing a drink. Now you were replaced by his meddlesome kouhais who were making a mess of all the snacks and drinks they laid out on the table. His eye twitched.

Naturally, Usahara was the first to dig into Uramichi’s odder than ordinary behavior. Usually he was annoyed, but today he seemed standoffish and annoyed. “So what gives, man? You stayed up late partying? Someone took too long on your fave machine at the gym?”

Oddly, Utano’s voice cheerfully saying that friends tell each other everything popped into his head. Perhaps now was the perfect opportunity to get closer to the guys he spent nearly a decade hanging around.

“Nah, was up late drinking with a friend,” he admitted while looking off at the TV screen.

His two juniors exchanged looks. They left before he did, deciding to hang out with Nekota at Cat Kick, so Uramichi couldn’t have been talking about them.

“Oh, I didn’t know that you and Kikaku were close like that,” Kumatani said.

Huh? Kikaku? Why would they bring up his name? Uramichi imagined the offense that Kikaku would have at their misunderstanding.

“No, I didn’t drink with Kikaku.”

“Uebu then?”

An even more outlandish suggestion.

“No…”

Neither cared to take anymore guesses as the opening credits for Mozphoon played. Kumatani swore to them that this B-grade horror movie would become a cult classic. After all, had anyone seen a movie that involved mutant mosquitoes terrorizing the city via a typhoon before?

As they were about to leave, Usahara finally realized the cause of the odd vibe he felt at Uramichi’s. 

“Dude, did you finally put away your weights?”

Yeah, for the first time in forever, he hadn’t stubbed his toe or tripped over the damn thing. That had to be why things felt different today.

---

With his friends gone, Uramichi sighed. Normally he cleared his head by smoking, but right now, he surprisingly wasn’t in the mood. Perhaps it was because today drained him. He stripped down to his boxers and laid in bed, closing his eyes. His thoughts wandered back to you.

Your tits, your lips, the way that you laughed. He imagined the way your panties would feel against his palms while he grabbed your ass. His ears burned red whenever you said his name.

His raging hard on provided an obvious solution to help him gather his thoughts.

Palming himself, he wasn’t sure why he was so hesitant. Was it because it was you ? His sex drive was low–a deadly combo of stress, depression, drinking, smoking, and the inevitable drop of T that came with aging–and when he actually was in the mood, he usually browsed for sites. It felt wrong to do this without your permission, but this also wasn’t necessarily something he could ask permission for.

“Michi? Aren’t you gonna come?” You asked, giving him that soft, buzzing smile. 

When his hand laid still against his cock, you tilted your head and spoke in an impatient inflection, “Well?”

God, he was pathetic. You didn’t even mean it like that, and here he was, harder than he’d ever been in recent memory, cockhead dripping pre when he finally pulled it out. 

It wasn’t even your looks that were driving him crazy. It was the way you made him feel. His heart pounded in his ears when you called his name. He grew giddy when he’d see your texts. And when it was just you and him–

Smearing the pre down his shaft, he let his mind wander, no longer caring how desperate and needy he got. It was already obvious that he neglected his needs as a man for too long. Every stroke felt like heaven, and his balls ached, ready for release.

Adjusting his grip to the way he liked, he tugged, wishing you were the one touching him instead. Uramichi thought of you greeting him good morning and good night, calling to tell him that you missed him during the day. He thought of you getting ready for work and welcoming him home after he was done at his. 

Carefully reaching down to grab his shirt from the floor, he used it to wipe up the mess he made. After, he stared at the ceiling, waiting for that post-nut clarity to go into effect. And when it didn’t, he sighed, his hand wandering downwards. Guess he’d have to try again.

A/N: Not sure what's gotten into me. I never update this quickly lol. Maybe it's because I've been binging the men's gymnastics portion of the Olympics? But thanks for reading, ya'll. I've been having a lot of fun with this fic.

Return to

the Main Masterlist

Nothing in Particular | fic cover

Life Lessons Masterlist

AO3

[cantgetworsethanthistbh]

YES YES YES I GO CRAZY ABOUT IT

there was a piece of analysis in the notes of a gen fic i read a while back where it basically said that (30s!)ford was fine putting their relationship on pause until ford was ready to reconcile or needed something from stan. there was never any consideration that stan wouldn’t “want to make it up to him” or even a passing thought that stan would reject him despite presumably never mentioning stan to fiddleford or anyone in the town he lived in, and not talking about him at all with family

anyways that piece of analysis still keeps me up at night.

God its actually so insane to think about. I was mostly joking in my post, but its pretty crazy how Ford is very much aware of Stan's loyalty to him and we've seen how far he's willing to stretch it for his own benefit without anything in return. Ford is so clearly aware of the fact Stan would literally do anything for him.

I think much of it boils down to his own belief that Stan is willing to do whatever it takes keep him around. I mean, didn't Stan ruin his future prospects at his dream school specifically so they can keep adventuring together? Why would Stan deny Ford anything at that point if he's willing to cost the family literal millions for his "selfish gains"? (and again, Ford is under the impression Stan destroyed the machine on purpose and is essentially trying to baby trap him with the Stan O War lmao)

He internalizes this, like some vault in his brain that assures him he would always have his brother, even when he doesn't want him at that moment. Or at least, believes he doesn't but he does, and that is even something he's very obviously ashamed of or else he wouldnt hide the literal decades worth of memorabilia of Stan from Fiddleford or would be writing his real feelings in secret code.

But back to the point: Ford has no qualms using this to his own benefit and he does it multiple times. He does it when begging Stan to come to Gravity Falls, he does it when he expects Stan to just shut up and take the book away even without sitting him down and explaining why these journals are so important and dangerous in the first place. It's something he even utilizes right after getting out of the portal, by telling Stan to shut down his thirty year long and successful business and leave after the summer is over and Stan agrees.

But it's worth noting too that that's the last time you will ever catch Stan doing a total favor for Ford without something in return. Stan at that point is done doing things for Ford without the proper reciprication and its not like you can blame him. He has to be convinced by Mabel to save Ford again and he puts his foot down on getting that thanks he was owed over fixing the portal even though there was a literal apocalypse happening. Make no mistake though, because until then, Ford wasn't under any delusion that Stan wouldnt do anything he asks because Stan pretty much proved he would. This is also why Ford was pretty comfortable asking Stan to join the circle because other than "Who the hell would deny holding hands to save the world?" there's also a "How could Stan ever say no to me?" Having to swallow his pride for even half a second and actually reciprocate literally 1/100 of the things Stan was willing to do for him was how we got "Grammar, Stanley" lmao

and this is my own headcanon, but i suppose that other than essentially killing Stanley by erasing his mind, I think that's also a moment where the vault opens in Ford's head and he realizes he won't always have his brother like he believes he does. The same brother who travelled halfway across the country for a brother who he hadn't contacted for 10 years. The same brother who was willing to keep him fed and sheltered under a roof that legally technically is more Stan's than it is Ford's and rescind his one condition of staying away from the kids to give Dipper his blessing of hanging out with Ford. That same brother is going to forget all about that, forget his loyalty and unconditional love towards Ford and Ford realizes he loses the one person who was always willing to fight for him, more than anyone else in the world. Its really really good shit man

[bad268]

I love your writing so much!!

Can you kaybe do a Ralf Aron one where him and the readers parents go way back and they always thought that Ralf and the reader were going to marry each other?

Skip To That Part (Ralf Aron X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/WEC

Requested: Clearly (THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVE)

Warnings: None (no physical descriptions of reader)

POV: Second Person (You/you)

W.C. 1270

Summary: Let's just skip to the best part of the wedding (save me from embarrassment). + Song Rec

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

Today was the day. Your wedding day. As cliche as it sounded, you were excited to start the new chapter. Sure, not much of a new chapter when you grew up with your future husband, but a step forward nonetheless. Ralf and you had been friends since primary school and together since you were teens. You were interested in engineering, so it was easy to follow him around everywhere. You were able to help with his karts, and it was only a matter of time before he put a ring on your finger.

The only thoughts that ran through your head as you stood at the altar were that you could not believe it. All that planning was finally coming to fruition, and so far, it was perfect. The skies were clear, the weather was nice and the wedding itself was small. You only wanted your closest family and friends since you were both pretty reserved. Plus, this was your day. Neither of you needed to justify your want to have a small ceremony or reception. 

There was one very important part of the ceremony, though. It was something you were looking forward to, and when you first told Ralf about it, he thought it was a great idea. You had heard about people having their parents or married family members give you advice or tell a story during the ceremony, and every video you saw of it made you want to include it in your day. 

Your concentration (or lack thereof) when your mom and Ralf’s mom stood before you. You chuckled nervously before they took the place of the officiant and faced the rest of your families.

“Before we get started with the advice,” Your mom started as a few of your families looked at your mothers.

“We thought now would be a good time for a story,” His mom finished off. Everyone laughed, but you looked at Ralf nervously, knowing this was probably going to be an embarrassing story. His mom waited for everything to calm down before gesturing to your mom and saying, “For some background, I have known her for years.”

“That’s right! At least 30 years!” Your mom laughed, playing along. “And we said that when we had kids, we would force them to be friends.”

“Well, lucky for us, our kids didn’t need to be forced!” The entire group erupted in laughter as you leaned to try and hide your face in Ralf’s shoulder. “These two were always attached. I don’t even think I ever saw you apart!”

“I can think of one time where I walked in on you two-” Your mom started, but by the glint in her eyes, you knew this was not a story you wanted to air out.

“Mom, please don’t embarrass me too much on my wedding day,” You cut her off immediately. No one needed to know that story. Some things just needed to stay between you and her, and this was one of them. 

“Ok, we won’t say that story,” Your mom conceded as she brought her hand up to fix a hair that had fallen in front of your eyes. “But I will say this. One day, we took them to the local karting track. This was back when they both wanted to be F1 drivers.”

“Oh right! To say Ralf got beaten to a pulp was an understatement,” His mom chuckled, poking fun at her son.  

“We were like 7!” Ralf defended himself with a laugh.

“Anyways,” Your mom dragged out before gesturing to you, “You climbed out of that kart so quickly and ran to Ralf. I don’t even think I’ve seen Lightning McQueen go faster than that!”

“You hit him with such momentum that it knocked him over! Good thing you both were wearing helmets,” His mom joked. The rest of the guests also laughed as both of your cheeks flushed from embarrassment. “I said right then and there you two would get married, so thank you for making me 100 euros richer.”

“You bet money on my love life?” Ralf gasped as his mom added the last part. “I should get at least half! I mean, it is my life!”

“And I get the significant other’s tax of 50%,” You joked with everyone, but once everyone calmed down, you turned to your mom and mother-in-law, “Did you really make a bet based on that one interaction?”

“Oh no!” They both said quickly, almost offended at the accusation.

“There’s plenty of instances that led to the bet,” His mom said.

“Like when you first met, and you grabbed his hand and said, ‘mine’ before dragging him into your room.”

“Or when you both raced against each other, swapped cars and immediately said each other’s cars sucked.”

“Or when you joined Prema just to travel with him during his F4 and F3 champaigns.”

“Or when you said you couldn’t stand each other after every other time you hung out.”

“Or when you both admitted to not wanting to ruin your friendships because of your feelings,” Your mom exasperated. “I had to listen to it for three years! We had to do something!”

“What do you mean you had to do something?” You and Ralf asked skeptically. You did not like the sound of that. Neither of you did.

“Let’s just say someone had to give you a little push but don’t shoot the messenger,” His mom replied quickly as she raised her hands in surrender. That’s when you realized what they were talking about.

You were 15 when you became official with Ralf. He slipped a note in your post box, and you knew it was him because it was his handwriting. You knew his handwriting like the back of your hand. It was a love letter that you still had to this day. As soon as you read his confession, you went to his house and admitted your feelings. The rest was history. 

However, the way his mom said, “Don't shoot the messenger” got you thinking. You never mentioned the letter to Ralf, thinking he delivered it, but the way she said it seemed suspicious.

“Did you give me that letter?” You decided to just bite the bullet and ask.

“What letter?” Ralf asked as he glanced between you and his mom confused. “What am I missing here?”

“Ralf, did you or did you not confess to me through a letter?”

“No…” He trailed off but picked it back up in a second. “I wrote a letter once, but I threw it away. I was going to give it to you, but the day after I wrote it, you came over and confessed. I didn’t need to give it to you.”

“Would it happen to have started with, ‘How about we shift our gears and drive into the sunset together? Because with you, every road feels like a scenic route’?” His face said it all as his eye snapped to his mom. “So the bet is invalid because the messenger interfered. I petition to just move on and never speak of it again.”

With a laugh, they sat back down, and the officiant stood between us again. Just as the officiant was about to call up the first couple to give us advice, Ralf stopped them.

“Can we just skip to the part where we kiss? We can do the advice during the reception, but that story took forever,” Ralf pressed as he tried to pull you closer. The officiant looked at you for approval, to which you nodded with a sigh.

“I think it’s time we skip to that part.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[dennisboobs]

i don't think i've discussed this on tumblr before outside of a few offhand mentions, but a while back i put together scraps pointing to the fact that all of dennis' erotic memoirs were written while he was in high school, primarily backed up by the fact that the two additional memoirs posted on the official paddy's pub blog as well as the other two that were adapted into a dvd extra, which either directly mention this

(which makes him 16-17) and explicitly ends with him allegedly having sex with multiple adult women and a tiger, or implies it – dennis saying he drank 12 mugs of "mead" then later saying it was "brandywine", which is very much not mead while also specifically mentioning a non-alcoholic beer sign. the NJ location of medieval times opened in '90; he mentions going with A Companion (which was probably a date he drove there, not mac or charlie,) so I'd place this around the same time (16-17), after he got his license, but before he was legal drinking age.

when he first reads from his memoirs in 4x09, he narrates one that states "she was much, much older than me", and in the dvd extras he also recounts sleeping with a "matronly" japanese woman who also ended up being a "good deal older" than he had thought she was, and notably says, "nestled in her ample womb, i became a man" which has. certain implications.* in the second dvd extra he also says "i'm pretty sure i was her first" re: the random woman who he's picked up, which i'd say was originally written and intended to have taken place when he was significantly younger. obviously the reenactment has them both as 30-something yr old adults, but smut film also has him reprising the role of his 14 year old self, so it's not without precedent. he also starts off saying this is from chapter two, and the prior story was from chapter one, implying both are extremely early on in the memoirs

there's also the fact that charlie had stolen the memoirs for an unspecified length of time, long enough for dennis to comment on how long it'd been since he'd seen them. we can assume he likely stopped writing the memoirs entirely once he got his recording setup, which would've been around the time he moved in with mac somewhere around '98 when they bought the bar, putting him around 21/22. but the earliest memoir we know of dates back to 1991, when he was 14, then another confirmed to be in 1993/1994. additionally we only see him adding to the book when he's institutionalized (which is implied to have been some sort of hallucination, so it's arguable that even happened) and in the dvd extras (with a quill but no ink, so i don't know how that would've worked).

tldr; dennis sleeping with older women while underage was a pattern, possibly before klinsky, definitely after, and all but one of his memoirs seem to explicitly detail this abuse.

*i'm fairly certain this was his account of losing his virginity, and i believe this predates klinsky. if this truly is "chapter one" of the book, then it's more or less confirmed, but this memoir is also an interesting outlier because dennis actually has an emotional reaction after sex and goes back on his ~pinkie promise~ about not falling in love with her. just like with klinsky, she's portrayed as alluring (something that makes up for her age in dennis' eyes, also similar to the memoir snippet we hear him read in 4x09) and there's a heavy focus on her being motherly, but she is very much depicted as predatory as well (particularly via editing choices – clearly depicting her as a cougar – but also dennis' narration), with her seducing him, then Separating Entirely.

[delicatereader]

after all... (Azriel x FC)

summary: Azriel gives in on his desires

warnings: fluff, angst, dirty thoughts, a kiss, swearing

a/n: took a break and came back with an acotar obsession I guess

➽────────────────────────────❥

She was dancing and singing in the comfort of a hot shower. A moment of peace, release and simple self-entertainment.

Someone knocked on the door, snapping her out of her own mind. "Enter" she commanded.

"Umm- hello?" a familiar voice muttered. Azriel.

"Here!" the heavy footsteps prowled closer to her location.

Azriel couldn't see anything through the smoke covered glass, but a faint figure. Even if she stopped dancing, her body was still swaying. Side to Side, taking in the burning water.

"I- I should probably come back later" he spoke up

"No need" she replied it a cold, neutral voice

Whilst she was waiting for him to continue, his mind was already someplace else. Somewhere he didn't dare to go before, even though it took him every inch of himself to restrain himself. He imagined, how it would feel to be in the shower with her. Their bodies pressed together, him taking up the entire shower so the only vacant place for her was his hips and his-

"Are you gonna talk or just stare?" she interrupted

"Cause if you are, the view is better over here" she teased. She always thought highly of herself, or atleast that's what she acts like. She wasn't wrong to do so, anyone would die to have such beauty and body.

"What?" he asked

"I mean it's nothing you haven't seen before, especially from my first day at Night Court, if you're that weak to be around a naked woman turn around!" she continued

"Your first day at Night Court?" he spoke up, still still as a statue

"That was what? 30 years ago? Mor had put me in the most slutty dress." she let's out a huff, reminiscing on her past

"31" Az cleared his throat

"What?"

"You've been in this court for 31 years since last month" he informed, looking up as if he could see her almost surprised face through the foggy barrier. She didn't reply or do anything, but kept swaying. She didn't make anything of Azriel knowing those facts, though.

"Very well. Again, why are you here?" she reminded Az

"Oh right." he took the tiniest step forward. "Rhys wants you to plan Feyre's birthday."

"I'm sorry, what?!" she shouted

"Feyre's birthday, it's in 3 weeks. Rhys wants you to plan it.", it felt like more of a command, especially since its from Rhysand. She and the High Lord never got along, but they hid their hatred for Feyre and Feyre's wellbeing only.

"I'm not doing that shit! Ask Elain" she denied, running a hand through her wet hair

"Well Elain is off with Lucien and won't return until the day before the Solstice", this time he spoke in a very...disapproving manner. However, it sparked her amusement.

"I see..." she said, wiping a hand on the smoke covered glass. Only to reveal her face and neck that dripped water. "Not a big fan, are we?" she mocked looking at him clearly, with a grin spreading across her face. His shadows couldn't be seen anywhere from her view.

"Lucien is a respectable and noble male" he stated, he wasn't lying. Even though he wished he was. He stood there staring at his shoes, with his hands tucked inside his pockets, clearly overthinking.

"Towel!" she screeched, startling Azriel put of his stance."Oh not you! the house!", she said in a softer tone.

"Hello?! Towel! Ok! Fuck you! You know you should really see someone about those mood changes!..." she kept going for a minute, complaining and swearing at the ceiling. Azriel grabbed the first towel he saw and swung it over the glass, not being able to handle the loud yelling for another second. For the next 30 seconds all he heard was a "thanks" and movement.

At last, she got out the shower semi dry, wrapping a towel around herself gently.

"What are his requirements?" she asked with pure annoyance written all over her face.

"Umm- he just wants you to put together a party that Feyre would like" he fumbled there, he didn't know if he should run like a coward or stay there and endure the conversation with her looking like that. Especially, since she is bending over all over the place in that tiny towel, which wasn't probably enough to cover all of her.

She wasn't doing anything intentionally, but didn't mind the attention.

She strode past him to a pile of clothes, and bend down to grab it. Her towel rode up just enough to make Az look up, away from her. His mind was on a frenzy, a thirsty one at that.

After that show, she didn't stop. She physically pushed past him and headed towards her armoire. "I mean, I get that he's trying to give Feyre a good birthday and all, and yes, it might mean it a bit more if it's me who planned it...but he does know that I'm not sat idle. Right?" she complained as she tried to reach the top row for a box. Before she could go get a stool, something pressed against her body. She turned around, revealing Azriel holding the box towering over her. His breath was uneven as she said " thanks...again". She didn't let him see a moment of weakness or anything that suggested that she was going absolutely crazy, having him press up against her. Against her almost naked body. She took the box from him, still staring into his soul.

"He knows you don't sit idle and you work hard everyday" he whispered in a deep voice. Suddenly, silence fell between them. More like tension. There was a force, trying to pull them together under all that heavy breathing. She pulled back her stare.

"I mean I get that I'm very good look at, especially almost naked, but you need to stop staring at me like that" she spoke up, giving Azriel a sultry look folding her arms.

"Like what?" he asks, with a faint grin knowing, where he stood and his power in this situation

"Like you're-"

Before she could finish her thought, his consumed him. He close the space between them, kissing her. His hands trailed from her hair to her neck. He devoured every sensation that came from a touch.

They pulled back from each other, faces flushed red. His redder and brighter than ever.

"Illyrians aren't such babies after all" she said tilting her with a cocky smirk, before leaning back into him for more.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Ok a rant about Cerri bomb and how much I HATE her

In the addict music video she was a very supportive friend of Angel and I loved her in the pilot! I wish we got that supportive best friend to Angel in the final product, but unfortunately she is a woman in a vivziepop show.

She’s AWFUL now I can’t stand her, the way she tried to make Angel relapse was so weird like pilot cherri wouldn’t do that! I also really dislike her design it has to be one of my personal least favourites (not the bottom though nothing is worse than alastors design to me) she isn’t enjoyable to watch anymore she had potential if she’d only been introduced earlier! Imagine if she was introduced in episode 4 and played the supportive friend she was originally supposed to be!

And GOD I hate her ship with pentious, it was SO RUSHED, so poorly done and the ship isn’t very “so cute and in love!!” When you remember she showed literally NO interest in him until Angel brought up that he has 2 dicks, and this is supposed to be a romantic relationship we CARE about.

Cherri didn’t need a romantic relationship she needed CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT we needed to get to know her! If you’ve only seen the show and no other Hazbin media at all (which shouldn’t be required you should be able to get all your info FROM THE SHOW) you’d barely know anything about her character or who she is. I wish we got pilot cherri bomb, and that she got a design update, and that her and pent’s relationship was either taken slower or didn’t happen at all

You silly little creature you, you have me writing in my notes app instead of Tumblr because I’m about to go crazy!

Cherri Bomb. More like Cherri what the hell happened

Anyway I’m gonna tackle this one thing at a time, and also forgive me if I word something weird I just woke up an hour ago at the time of writing this.

First thing, design: I personally quite like her design since it very loosely reminds me of Iris from Ruby Gloom with ofc the one eye, the very rowdy personality and kind of the hair, but those are very broad design choices and its just me remembering some random girl I thought was silly but like Iris did it better.

Okay now second thing and then we go into literally everything else: My blog has been an angry pit of despair for everything in Episode 6 as of recent so let’s tap into that again 🤏 just a little. I am going to give my classic centrist opinion and say I don’t mind Cherri Bomb all that much but I absolutely get why people dislike her, and I mean this in the kinda way as people who dislike… Idk Fukuchi from BSD. WILD jump in fandoms but gimme a second. I can’t 100% say that Cherri Bomb in the pilot was better than the series since we have no idea if maybe for some reason she was intended to be like that offscreen, but judging by the pilot and “Addict” alone, it’s very unlikely. I could see her maybe being a bad influence at times and being like “Loosen up dude we’re in hell and its Friday” or something (idk if they have Friday in hell but everyday is probably Monday 🥁) but overall I feel like she’d end up apologising for it. However on the other side of things, I can understand why Cherri did that in Episode 6. Of course not to say this is okay, but Cherri is still very clearly not in the “redemption” mindset. She’s happy the way she is and is really only focused on certain aspects of issues. We see her comfort Angel in “Addict” but thats basically the extent of it. Cherri’s definition of “self-care” seems to be less of actually taking care of yourself and more like just letting go and having fun instead which really only gives a momentary fix to the issue, much like how substances can be abused. Do you kinda see what im getting at? Cherri offering Angel drugs while he’s trying not to relapse is not okay, full stop. But her reasoning as to why makes a bit of sense for her purpose in the show which is honestly not much, since, as you said, she is a woman in a Vivziepop show.

To my knowledge Cherri is like 30-ish years younger than Angel Dust in Hell experience so she’s likely not reached a point where she’s gotten tired of how things work, as well as the fact we don’t really have much of an idea on her backstory aside from that random shot in “Addict” of that guy in a puddle??? But generally she seems to be in a better position than Angel is, so there isn’t really any reason for her to want to change, yknow? I will say I do like exploring characters that are good friends while still being bad influences at times, but I’m going to be honest I feel like thats really not what Angel needs right now. I wouldn’t be as pissy about it if she did end up apologising afterwards (I’m just gonna headcanon she did for my sanity) but even then as Angel’s friend we don’t know like… anything about her. I would’ve really liked to get some kind of callback to the pilot where Cherri mentions she thought Angel was dead until the random Sir Pentious turf war, and maybe we could see her actually being worried about Angel again instead of those 3 frames in “Addict”, but Hazbin is rushed and I guess we don’t have time for that. And also YES it would’ve been great to see her in Episode 4 and actually doing something but again, Vivziepop is boring.

Going forward I would really like to see Cherri, if not become a patron, at least try to be a better friend and sure if she wants to keep doing stuff she can keep doing it, but just don’t encourage other people to relapse. It is very simple.

SIR PENTIOUS! About Sir Pentious, this is going to be incredibly short. I don’t hate the ship but also I’m not really crazy about any of the Hazbin Hotel ships? I also don’t really hate any except for the genuinely horrid ones but thats basic sense. I absolutely agree with you, Cherri does not need a romantic interest. Romance doesn’t always = growth and growth should not always = romance. She needs some genuine character TLC and I hope to god she gets some in season 2. We’ve only seen a few minutes of her so I have yet to give a firm opinion, but as of now I’m just hoping they do something actually interesting with her instead of just alluding to Sir Pentious ship. Also the penis thing. 1. What was that, and 2. It made me and my friends briefly pause to sex Sir Pentious and come to the conclusion he is likely transgender/hj

TLDR; Please give us a fun Cherri Bomb again. ☹️

[ghostradiodylan]

hi hello i have been rotating dylan lenivy in my head like the microwave for a couple of weeks and especially how instead of lashing out or acting up at all when he’s late stage infected he just. he just gets scared by lights?? figures out how to work a crane?? saves kaitlyn?? will NOT let kaitlyn get hurt by him and he’s so scared but he’s so. my boy :(

Hi hello yourself! Thank you for this, I have been doing the same thing except for LIKE A YEAR. Someone help me. 💀

I just. I love him so much?

Like, he’s an actually perfect character?

In a game about choices, we aren’t even allowed to make any bad decisions with Dylan. Is that a flaw in the game design? Or a sign that some crucial decisions he could have been tasked with hit the cutting room floor with the other 20-30% of the script? Maybe. Does it make me love him for it any less? Absolutely fucking not.

He should be a threat to Kaitlyn, right? He should at least be a little bit pissed off at her, a little bit grumpy before he’s turning. God knows he deserves it. Can you imagine if she’s kissed his crush and he’s stuck with her for the rest of the night? Dylan obviously adores Kaitlyn, and he knows that sticking with her is his best chance at getting out alive, but those emotions would still be complicated, I would think. If the infection brings out hidden insecurities (which seems to be the case for literally everyone else), we should see Dylan grapple with not feeling like his real self is good enough, with wearing a mask for two months and hiding how smart he is and all of that.

I’m not sure why we don’t see that. We know his insecurities aren’t gone because they can come up again when he’s talking about whether Ryan would want to date him with one hand (I’m sobbing internally). The only reasonable explanation I can come up with is that he’s no longer hiding that insecurity with the people whose opinions matter the most to him (Ryan and Kaitlyn). So maybe the truth really will set you free (from being a super bitchy werewolf)? I almost wish we did see him go off a bit though. I wish we had at least some kind of chase scene in that scrapyard after he turned. It would give so much more weight to the decision to not cut his hand off, if it put him at risk of mauling his gunslinging bestie, our Final Girl.

But SMG chose for him to remain a golden boy throughout and of course that also has its charms. He has an immutable set of core values and those are being good and selfless, even when he’s terrified. Which is most of the game! And even though he gets braver, he very clearly doesn’t stop being scared! He just does what he has to do anyway. Even if he’s turning into a monster. Even if the boy of his dreams cut his hand off with a chainsaw (because he asked him to). I understand why people make him too perfect in fanfic sometimes because he’s, like, almost too good?

He has his moments early on, like wanting to keep the gun, or wanting to leave Nick and Abi behind in case what attacked them has their scents (tbh these are just his genre-savviness showing and I can’t actually blame him for either). He also gives Kaitlyn some very bad advice relating to silver bullets (kill a werewolf that turns out to be Emma, leave the bullets Abi is trying to give you behind), but she doesn’t have to take it.

But have you SEEN what he does if Emma turns and comes after Kaitlyn and Kaitlyn fails to shoot? He just fucking tackles a werewolf to save Kaitlyn. He puts himself between WereEmma and Kaitlyn like a human shield. If he’s infected, great, Emma sniffs him and leaves him alone but he is clearly shocked by that. He did not know that would happen. And he did it anyway. It was a reflex. And if he’s not infected? If he was never bitten at all or he’s missing a hand? He still does the exact same thing. He can take a second bite to protect Kaitlyn. He can get infected a second time after cutting his fucking hand off. He can die to protect her if she doesn’t manage to get a shot off to save him.

Lots of characters give us the option to be self-sacrificial. Ryan can give Laura the vial of werewolf blood to protect her during the Silas showdown. Jacob can run, barefoot and mostly naked, into the woods when he hears Abi scream. Abi can die by refusing to shoot her crush because she doesn’t know it won’t actually kill Nick if she does. But those are all choices. Dylan does not give us a choice. We’re not even in control when he does that shit. He just does it. Because that’s who he is.

I’m fine. I’m so completely fine.

[fuck-customers]

💋omfg PLEASE stop sending your dad or your boyfriend or whatever the fuck to buy your makeup. If he’s a straight man I can guaran-fucking-tee you this idiot will be pestering me over every goddamn cosmetic item on the shopping list you gave him and probably then some. Ladies if y’all need makeup just get it your damn self stop sending me your dumbass men who take up all my time bc they can’t be bothered to actually look around the makeup dept. I have shit to do and if you’re coming up to me more than three times to ask where something is, I’m getting pissed off.

Dude just now came up to me with a fucking slideshow of makeup products asking where they all are. I just looked at him like “seriously dude?” Like bro I’m not your personal fucking shopper. I’m not gonna sit there and hold your stupid fucking hand while we find these ten products. But even then, I pointed and told him exactly where each item was and he STILL couldn’t find shit. It was like that ep of SpongeBob and he’s like “the lid Patrick. The lid. The lid. The lid.” I told him one of the items was over in the corner and the dude doesn’t even go to the corner. He says “where???¿?¿” over and over again like,,, my brother in Christ,,,, do you not know what a fucking corner is? You are very clearly NOT in the corner right now like this should be a no brainer???

And the dude can see by now I’m getting annoyed by this shit and he snaps at me like “well clearly I’m not someone who uses makeup so I don’t know what I’m doing here” ok so why would you agree to go shopping for it.?Tell your lazy ass daughter/wife/gf she needs to come and get it her damn self. Save us both the fucking headache.

I also think some kind of weaponized incompetence is being employed here. Like it’s not fucking rocket science to look up at the giant, lit-up signs in each aisle that say where each brand of makeup is stocked, and then go from there to find your item. But I think these men are afraid of being perceived as “gay” or whatever tf if they’re seen shopping and taking their time in the makeup dept. so when they’re sent on these shopping trips they just skip any kind of attempt at looking for the shit themselves and instead make a bee line to me the second they walk in. And then they expect me to take their shopping list and do it all for them like no dude fuck off I have tasks to do, come back when you have a real question and not just “can you help me find these 10+ items bc I’m too lazy/too straight to do my own shopping in the makeup dept”

(Lastly I’d like to mention that some of these men even have the gall to come up to me, with their girlfriend/wife/daughter on FaceTime, asking me to color match them. Yes, you read that right. They want me to find the correct shade of foundation based on a blurry ass face on a screen. So as you can imagine, I just laugh in their fucking faces when they ask this, I just cannot believe how stupid ppl are omfg)

My first thought (being in retail 30 years) Is they don't really want the makeup but some creepy way to make conversation with the (sometimes underaged) sales people.

Or like you said they have such a fragile masculinity just being near it upsets them.

If you can get away with it, tell them you will have to charge them the "personal shopper" charge of $25 to walk them to more than three items.

-Rodney