#and so they always kill him now in every playthrough and think his entire character is abusive

[pinacoladamatata]

Screaming

[mikodrawnnarratives]

Have some art + fic rn cuz i had this idea plaguing me for a whlie in my first playthrough of the game and i needed to have it realized.

I don't want to edit my writing just yet so i'll do that later, but for now have some mentally unstable Siffrin 👍

I'll come up with a title ltr, prob when i edit this and post to ao3 (so if this gets reblogs just check out the og post for latest ver.)

For now the warnings you should know of are just character death, lots of Siff hating himself, and i think suicide ideation? I wrote this a few hours ago n still don't want to go back just yet but basically its nothing that doesn't already exist in the game

Fic starts under the cut! Roughly 2000 words

(edit: i forgor some colors don't exist/can't be seen 🤡, fixed now!)

Siffrin can’t seem to fall asleep at all anymore. The night right before the loops he can only pretend to get some rest before facing the king. He isn’t quite sure what the reason is. Being stuck in one place for too long? Useless? His urges to reach out for Isa’s touch that keep him awake at night, yearning for connection that is immediately are followed by disgust in himself?  The pure exhaustion at the thought of repeating the next day again? None seem to be the answer. Maybe its a combination.

He only knows that he’s exhausted. Exhausted, yet unable to rest. Even if he were able, would he want to risk what ever dream or nightmare his head might concoct? A blend of memories and deaths to remind him that he can’t escape?

Not being able to sleep makes them worse at the loops too unfortunately. They got along fine for the first few loops after his first sleepless night, though the mistakes ramped up. They cursed their body, cursed themself for being so weak. Simple and stupid mistakes getting them killed via boulder when they forgot and slip of the hand resulting in the weakest of Sadnesses offing him.

Loop of course taunted about his failures, like they always do. He couldn’t fully blame them, knowing deep down he deserved it. There was a pull he sometimes had though, to rest with them, even for just a little bit. He’s hung out with them before, when it gets overwhelming, never for very long. Despite that, to actually sleep with them is a different story. Different vulnerability that, he wasn’t comfortable with. Too weak, he didn’t need another thing for Loop to tease him about. No matter how tempting it would be to sit in the tree and doze off. He wouldn’t doubt that, if he could rest at this point, he would doze off until the next loop.

He can’t have that. He can’t let his family die again.

The next loop began, the stage set, and Siff opened his eye, despite every ache in their body telling them not too. They can’t listen to their body right now though. They need to travel the entire house in the next few loops for anything he might have missed before. One more sweep. 

He carries out his lines, plays the role he’s meant, rehearsing the other actor’s lines in his head before they speak up. Familiar steps, expressions, directions. When they get to Isabeau, they slip up again, Isa’s concern blooms. But they’ve seen this before. It’ll be fine. Their gut twists at forcing Isa to be concerned, but theres a warmth in it too. That Isa cares. Cares about them. It’s strange, when Odile gets close to the truth, stars when she FINDS OUT the truth, there isn’t any warmth. Just, fear. But knowing Isa won’t find out, just cares and makes them promise to talk about it at a time they know won’t come, it’s a guilty pleasure. At least, for now. Before it becomes meshed with all the other lines Siffrin has come to expect from The Fighter.

While navigation the House like normal, they slip up occasionally, interacting with objects that spark Odile’s concern. They don’t bother reversing the mistakes, he hasn’t slipped up that much. There’s no way she could know. Siff crumbled on the first floor at the counter they jabbed themself into again. Unable to see it and always stupidly forgetting to be cautious there. Stupid. 

And they kept making mistakes. Their exhaustion pulling at their body, their nerves eating them alive. There’s no warmth with new lines of concern from their actors. Just spikes of panic followed by their attempts to reassure them. To continue on.

By the final snack stop before the King, their actor’s change the script again. Siffrin tensed, their hand tracing the handle of their dagger in case of emergency. Odile… odile doesn’t call out suspicious connections to time craft this time. Everyone just.. Just asks him to nap.

The third floor they had fumbled the most, their quick grabs at the keys became more clumsy against his will. His hands can’t stop shaking. The aches won’t cease their whining in his body. Change, of course they noticed, they aren’t blind. The script is similar, repeating the words that simultaneously warm his body and send nausea through it. They’re a family. They care.

Absently, Siffrin notes Mira’s asking him if he’ll accept a comb, again. At least that’s familiar. At least one of them new the script to stick to. And, he really wouldn’t mind it again. The loops reset his hair back to the tangled and knotted mess it was when he startled back to awareness in Dormont. Everytime. Sometimes they briefly wondered if Mirabelle would comb their hair out back in town too. They would never ask though.

Their family quietly chated as Mirabelle combed through his hair. Gently, dare they think lovingly. Careful not to hurt him. Like he’s fragile and weak. Pathetic. They are pathetic aren’t they. For wanting this. Selfish for forcing them. Their hands continued to tremble, as much as Siff tried to suppress it.

The Fighter changes the script first. First to notice. Notice a slip up. They tense, not for any particular reason just, they don’t know this script. The Fighter’s face is concerned but softens. Isa. Isa asked hesitantly it he could see their hands. Siff let him, letting their pathetic shaking hands be engulfed in Isa’s large ones. He hesitantly rubs their knuckles, Mira continues to brush the tangles out of their hair. Siff’s eyelid got heavier, their body screaming to just let go, just relax. They haven’t reached the king yet, the head housemaid, they can’t yet. 

When they heard Odile close her book, another off script action, they jolted up and looked her way. Odile was about to speak up, but hesitated at their startled form. Her concerned and piercing expression remained.

“Siffrin, did you get any rest at all last night?”

They stop and meekly speak up, “I slept..”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Siffrin grimaced, tensing up. “I got.. Some rest. Why do you ask?”

“The fumbling around and absent performance don’t suggest you did.”

She had them there. Their fingers twitch as they internally remind themselves their dagger is still on their person. Even if their hands are occupied with being held by Isa’s. They take a breath.

The other actors contribute, sharing their nerves about facing the King. Needing to be ready before confronting the Threat, that could be their final standing place. No. No they won’t fail. They won’t die here. He might, but he won’t let his family.

Odile is actually the first to suggest Siffrin rest before they face the King. They can’t have any weak links before such a moment. Weak members. Weak. They were clumsy this loop. Their other family members share in the sentiment. They probably think he’s weak too. Their concerned smiles are hard to say no to though. The aches and exhaustion overwhelming his body probably wouldn’t let him refuse such an opportunity either. Surely. Surely they went through the first couple floors quick enough that another fifteen minutes before the king wouldn’t be too long. Right?

It’s a thought that didn’t seem to cross his family member’s faces when he gave into their requests and laid down. Mira scooted over, getting started on the next clump of tangled hair. Isa offered his lap as a pillow, and Siffrin’s slow mind just. Accepts the request. Not noting the dark shade flooding The Fighter’s face as they dragged their body to his lap, their head and partial upper body relaxing immediately. They rest their head on their blind side, one hand interlaced with The Fighter’s, behind them Mira finishing off the last of their tangles. The concern from their family’s faces hasn’t completely disappeared, but it’s eased. And that is enough to release the remaining tension in his body. It’s enough. 

Their family makes a few jokes that their brain muffles. Some laughing. Bonnie’s working on their snacks in the corner, still. They’ll be ready when they wake up. Their legs adjusted and placed in someone else’s lap, they think. Whoever it was, rubs circles into their calf. His eyelid grows heavier, their breathes come easy. Deep breaths. Someone rubs their back. 

It’s nice. Really.. really nice. One could easily forget they were even about to face the King at all. Face the end. They close their eyelid. It’s warm. One breath in. And out. Just.. just a quick nap. Where they are loved. They.. they are loved right? This is what this means… at least right now…

Yeah. They hope this is right.

Sleep engulfs them for the first time in several loops and their breaths slow.

The chatting continues around him, not lacking some glances exchanged between the adults in the room. But mostly, just relief fills the air. Mira stayed by Siffrin’s side, threading her fingers through his now completely combed out hair. The flush in Isabeau’s cheeks still hadn’t fully left, every movement reminding him of his crush resting so peacefully in his lap. Like a sleeping cat that once it has claimed you as it’s cushion, you are bound by the universe to not move for any reason. Odile didn’t pass up the opportunity to tease him, met with Isa’s shushing and hushed whisper “what if he wakes up and hears you!!”

Siff had done a lot today, and everyone would have assumed he was completely calm about fighting the king if not for his uncharacteristic clumsiness. Mirabelle supposed it made sense though. A night of rough sleep right before facing the most dangerous threat facing the country? That would make anyone mess up.

After another twenty minutes, Bonnie comes over with the freshly prepared snacks. Made extra special since they were more ahead of schedule than expected. Last hurrah before the king, everyone needed to be at their best.

Mirabelle smiles, heading over to were Bonnie had announced the snacks. Isa attempts to move but flounders at the idea of moving Siff. Mirabelle giggles at his flushing face as Odile moves their legs out of their lap. Well, time to end their nap she supposes. Their sleepy family member probably won’t be too thrilled about waking up but it is snack time.

Mirabelle collects her choice of snack and crouches over to Siff, moving their hat from where it had obscured their resting expression. Isa looked both upset to have the time his crush sleeps on their lap come to an end, and relieved. He lets out a chuckle as Mira gently shakes their shoulder.

“Time to wake up, Siffrin! Bonnie has snacks for everyone.” Mira moves a few hairs out of their face. “Siffrin?”

Isabeau adjusts, and joins in. “Siff? Sorry to wake you bud but..” He pauses, seeing Mirabelle’s face shift. Odile’s gaze sharpens as Mirabelle’s leans over them, placing her ear to their chest.

“They- th-they aren’t” Mira cries out. “They aren’t breathing! No no no-” 

Isabeau moves Siffrin off his lap with shaking hands. Odile rushes over to their side, checking their wrist and neck for a pulse. Bonnie’s face crumbles in the corner, alarm replacing the happy air.

Isabeau shakes Siffrin’s still body, Mirabelle readies a heal craft as Odile begins to try resuscitating them.

but 

the 

world

goes

blank

Siffrin first feels the gentle breeze around them. The grass moving in tune, sometimes brushing up against the small areas their clothes don’t cover. They hear Mirabelle in the distance and when they open their eyes, she’s right above them, apologetic for waking them. Siffrin blinks. It’s been a while since Mira’s been the one to wake them up. 

“Good morning! Well, more like good afternoon, I gue- wow. Are you okay?”

That’s new. Why would her lines-

“You’re crying.. Is something wrong, Siffrin?”

He blinks and brings a hand to his face. Sure enough, his cheek is stained with tears. He doesn’t remember crying, he just woke up too. From..

“Must’ve happened in my sleep” He says absently.

Mira frowns, “Oh no! What did you dream about…?”

Siffrin shrugs and repeats lines he remembers that will reassure her the quickest. She sighs and returns back to town. They’ll be waiting for him.

He takes a moment to think about what happened in the last loop. He.. doesn’t remember dying. Must have been when he went to sleep. That. That probably should worry him, that falling asleep could end a loop, but he doesn’t feel any regret about it. Actually, it’d be nice if all his loops ended like that. Just, dying with his loved ones around. It would take too long though, even if it could happen again. This loop needs to be faster. Last loop they didn’t even reach the king, and they have questions. 

He grumbles as he sits up, a part of him yearning to go back to that warmth. Oh if only the universe could have let it be permanent. A permanent death that didn’t even hurt. That’s wishful thinking though, the universe isn’t so kind. And they have work to do, his family- actors. They need what he knows. He can’t rest forever yet.

The show must go on.

[eksvee15]

MORE PROOF THAT MEGALOVANIA IS THE PLAYER'S THEME

THANKS TO DELTARUNE AND SUSIE FOR PROVING US RIGHT ONCE AGAIN!

So we all have this constant argument of whether MEGALOVANIA is Sans' fight theme or the Player's (it's not Chara's. Stop) fight theme. Well, I believe Deltarune's use of the soundtracks solved that issue for us.

There is a firm belief that in Undertale, and by logic Deltarune, the theme heard is the theme of who initiates the battle. Undyne starts the battle against us, both times we hear her theme - Spears of Justice and Battle Against A True Hero. Flowey ALWAYS starts the battle, so we hear his themes - Your Best Nightmare and Finale, also counts for Hopes and Dreams given he and Asriel are one and the same. And it's pretty evident that whoever has the first turn DOES NOT ACTUALLY MATTER, it is misleading and is canonically not actually relevant - Undyne herself specifies she's letting us have the first turn, in any fight, she's fair, and ALLOWS US the first turn. Sans gets the first turn to catch us off guard, which is what he does during the ENTIRE fight, ATK 1 DEF 1 yet takes multiple attacks to be defeated and will obliterate your health bar, suddenly has laser weapons, dodges, can manipulate space and gravity, teleport, stops time, his entire character is "surprise bitch", no wonder he gets that first turn - heck on the third turn he won't even finish his "beautiful day" speech and start attacking MID SENTENCE

There is, aside from Sans, one other occasion where the Player initiates the battle - that being Monster Kid. Yet MEGALOVANIA doesn't play there, instead, we hear the OST "In My Way" which is ONLY played against Monster Kid and Flowey in No Mercy. But I believe it's intentional, think of your first Genocide playthrough - you still kind of feel iffy, like it's wrong. It's not much of a challenge as it is a chore at this point. You just killed Papyrus. You just killed Toriel. Two people that have shown love, care, and so much genuine friendship to you, it feels awful. You're a danger, but not yet, a megalomaniac. (Side note, I think Etika's playthrough of No Mercy shows us how LOVE affects the actual player, because killing Toriel is a pain, killing Papyrus feels absolutely awful, but then when you get through Undyne the Undying? Etika celebrated beating her, then stopped and said "Wait no, why am I celebrating, I just killed her". THIS. LV affects us and how we view the Undertale characters, from being friends and caring about them, to being a challenge to overcome in the end. And not a lot of people realise that fact)

Now that I've established all this, where does Deltarune come into play? Well, specifically in Chapter 1, we fight Lancer a number of times. And he has that memorable bouncy theme when you fight him, Vs. Lancer. We all know that theme. However there is ONE moment where we DON'T hear Vs. Lancer DESPITE facing Lancer in battle.

The Susie V Lancer battle in the Card Castle's prison.

There, Susie alone engages battle against Lancer. And we know she engages because Lancer doesn't want to fight her, heck he even avoids to attack her at some point. The battle engaged is ENTIRELY Susie's intentions to put Lancer in his place. And the theme that plays, is Vs. Susie. Because SHE engaged the battle. So it's not Susie against Lancer, it's Lancer against Susie, despite US controling Susie. Just like it's Sans against us, despite us being in control.

This is proof. Proof that we hear the theme of who engages in a battle. You could also take as back up proof the Spamton NEO fight in Snowgrave, because he has every reason to engage against Kris - they're threatening everything Spamton COULD have, so of COURSE Spamton engages, furthermore because Kris goes from puppeted to puppeteer in his eyes. Sans never engages in battle against us. We engage against him. Because we're trying to get it over with.

MEGALOVANIA is most definitely the player's theme in late No Mercy run, and we know this thanks to Susie evolving the opposite way in Ch1 that we do in No Mercy.

Thank you for reading!!

[coeluvr]

So I just read the demo for the first time and… are you okay? Like do you need to talk to someone? Cuz holy shit, that was depressing. Don’t get me wrong, it was great, but I am just mentally, emotionally, and physically drained now (don’t ask me about that last part). All in all, I really enjoyed it, but I do have some thoughts.

Firstly, I don’t understand how anyone from Rosea (except for Hunter, Fadiya and her mom, and maybe Helios) has any fans. Like did they just forget that everyone else (including Lancelot) contributed to the total destruction of our family? Everyone’s over here shipping Lancelot and Luceris, and to be fair, if this was a different story I would too, but like… they’re the enemy? Speaking of Luceris…

Dude is on some shit. Like I get it’s the point, but everything about our relationship with him just feels weird and wrong, and I’m counting the days til we can kill him. Until then, I guess I’ll have to make do with disrespecting the memory of his dead wife at every opportunity. Also side note, but as a Straight Male tm it does feel a little weird having to fake a romance with another guy, especially a guy that’s like fifty years older than me lol (Luceris really isn’t beating the Catholic Priest allegations)

The rest of the cast are a lot of fun, and I’m glad they all at least have sympathy towards MC. I think Hunter is the coolest character ever and I want to be them, and Fadiya can do no wrong in my eyes. Vincent sucks, but I haven’t really spent much time with him so maybe that’ll change. Helios I feel sorry for. He’s a nice guy and I do like him a lot, but he’s unfortunately collateral damage in my crusade against Father Luceris. I hate that we have to hurt him to get revenge, but it feels very realistic and gives your decisions a lot more weight.

On the flip side, Soarine is perfect and has never done anything wrong in her life ever. If Soarine has a million fans, then I am one of them. If Soarine has ten fans, then I am one of them. If Soarine has only one fan then that is me. If Soarine has no fans, then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against Soarine, then I am against the world.

All in all, I love what you’re doing with this game, even if I do have to take a twenty minute break after each playthrough just to decompress lol. I can’t wait to see where this goes and am gonna stare at a wall until the next update drops. Thanks for making such an interesting story and give Soarine my love 💚

Lol hi, anon!

First of all, I'm fine 😭 I'm like that one happy guy that writes horror whose name I keep forgetting but I bet someone knows who I mean.

Regarding the characters from Rosea that are not all that great having fans, I don't know why that's unexpected to you if I am being honest lmao. In every fandom I've ever been in, there have always been people that like the antagonists. I enjoy Lancelot and Luceris' dynamic but I feel like that's to be expected since I literally created them. 💀 The day I write in all of the side couples you'll combust. /j

But also you don't have to fake a "romance" with Luceris? 😥💀 I can only think of the husband comments MC can make and those are entirely optional so...

I'm glad you like the other characters! Soarine is indeed everything. 🙇‍♀️

Thank you for your kind words! 💗

[silent-neutral]

About SH2 Pyramid Head symbolism and the remake PT.1

--mentions of sexual violence, suicidal themes and just overall mental illness-- please PLEASE DON'T READ BEYOND THE CUT IF YOU PLAN TO PLAY THIS GAME BUT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SILENT HILL 2!! There will be spoilers in this ''essay'' and I don't want to spoil such a great game for anyone starting fresh and blind, because that'd be the perfect way to start this game imho - your feeling toward this game will be heightened without knowing too much, plus forming your own view and having questions about it is also cool.

(***Had to cut this down into parts after watching 10+ hours of the remake and so much watching gave me a headache that felt like a literal hangover the next day ugh I felt like James lol otherwise it's too many topics and words in 1 post. This way it might be easier to organize them. )

------------------------------- My mind was blown recently. Ig I'm posting this to clarify more to myself than anything, but I had to search up Ito's recent comments about certain scenes with Pyramid Head. (ahem, the first cutscenes specifically). I've always had my own ideas and guesses about specific details playing as James, but after some clarifications on Ito's part about Pyramid Head.. it kind of jarred me, but at the same time explained other things and now my initial view of this game and its characters are validating my assumptions.. And if you knew about this already, well good on you.... Ito tweets so much sometimes, info like this gets buried and I had no idea until a week or so ago lol. So in light of SH2R releasing, I conveniently found out about some crucial details that would *also* inadvertently explain my (petty) gripes about SH2R. I watched the entire playthrough and my views have slightly altered (mostly positive, as this game was actually very faithful to the original imo). but for now I give you...a very wordy analysis on some themes of SH2. Excuse my rambly thought process though, it's very hard to organise them sometimes, I say to future self re-reading this later lol.

We know the monsters all carry symbolism relating to James. Specifically speaking, the series has a lot of sexual undertones present. Man.. Idk where it all started but I'm pretty sure we all assumed it was true when every Silent Hill source or fanpage over decades would bring up James' sexual repression. It made sense because of how things appeared, plus Angela's trauma and her demon....that James even fights... Well.. Ito hates fans saying James 'sexual repression' being symbolised in the monsters are canon. He doesn't mind people forming their own opinion, but he hates when fans say it's canon lol. At any rate, there was a lot of confusion from what I read at first (and the language barrier didn't help, but I think I got the gist of what he meant). --------------------------------------------------------------- Talking specifically about the mannequin scene, Ito says PH is *not* raping them. Ok sure, tbh it looks too vague to label it something extreme like that. But it became something of a meme and Ig it ended up being believed as true. Kinda wish this sentiment was quashed many years ago and not in 2020/2021 gah... So, what's happening in that scene is actually far more deeper than simply to traumatise James.... Pyramid Head is a manifestation of James' guilt AND unconscious desire to be punished for killing his terminally ill wife. James is called to Silent Hill via a delusional letter from Mary he created in his mind.(A made up one to ignore the real one). He's suffering from some kind of selective amnesia throughout the game, hence why everything is there to remind him of his pain. Obviously he's traumatised by what he did that his mind has blocked it out to the point it seems he has remembered a false timeline of events... but his soul is yearning for judgement. Ito says that, therefore, James is suffering from many delusions, that's what's creating and manifesting his inner demons (true for all that come to Silent Hill). Pyramid Head himself is manifested as the executioner, tasked with punishing James, and so.. He is actually attacking James' delusions, trying to remove them:

*o* And Ito goes further! Right after PH kills those mannequins, he stalks over toward the closet James hides in (also meaningful, lmao, but okok it's not about sexual orientation). Apparently, PH's appearance is shifting. Ito says he modelled and animated all the monsters in the original, so I trust him when he says that the front left panel in the corner of his helmet is peeling/flaking back and a tongue-like appendage protrudes from the hole. Although.. he admits it might be too dark to see in that scene, but it's there supposedly. I'm paraphrasing, but Ito implies that PH is impacted by James' delusions in that James *thinks* he sees a tentacle come out of the helmet and thus manifests that. And that's when James shoots at him - He shoots at his own desire to be judged when it attempts to remove his delusions that are keeping him from the truth of his reality!! James can't face reality at this point - those delusions are keeping him somewhat sane and distracted! It hurts too much this early on for PH to attack those delusions so he stops it...this is why he is 'in the closet'. James continues to keep those 'skeletons' there, for now. It makes PH look like the true good guy - an angel.. like Valtiel (interesting to note they have similar body design). Because of learning this, I very quickly noticed how throughout the Remake, you will find plenty already downed enemies.. and it was easy to think ''PH was here''. After James realises the truth from the tape, the Hotel reveals its true appearance (not sure when it burned down or if that has something to do with Alessa, er wait I remember in Origins it was in her house.. well anyway! this could explain James' sketchy memory of events, especially when confronted by Laura having only met Mary and received the letter a year ago in-game.) Anyway, the point is; if James is aware, then the delusions begin to fade. So after watching the Remake, I hoped that the monsters wouldn't appear/be weakened and lo and behold! Bloober was paying attention! The monsters after you watch the tape are weak and limping, can't attack or are already dead and I was delighted! It means Ito was consistent that the delusions the town creates makes up the core theme of Silent Hill. In the original, there are only 2 lying bodies before the PH fight. (I forget the meaning behind them but it has something to do with James' helplessness.) At any rate, Remake did the 'dying vision' symbolism much better here and the explanation is so so fascinating that it led me to rethink the concept behind PH. Side note though, about that hole in PH's helmet. I was always so damn confused about it for so many years!! I used to draw it as a rectangular hole (some art by Ito actually depicted it like that iirc), and then eventually to a gunshot hole since James, well, shot at him, so I assumed that's what it was from. and NOW it's actually a triangular shaped hole from the paneling being 'turned upward' due to how James' is perceiving him in the moment. What a revelation, I cry. Ah.. and note on other design aspects.. Apparently Ito never designed PH with a mass of flesh under the helmet (just a perpetual shadow and the neck bag thing at the back) and he doesn't even know who conceptualised that, but I think it's due to all the cameos and appearances PH has made in many games since SH2. And he looks slightly different each time so.. yeah, interesting that.

Even the figma has that fleshy mass (and gunshot hole!) but I'd say it is accurate on nearly everything else:

It is a very nice figure though. I can't blame all these figures ever released that *weren't* supervised by Masahiro Ito himself, because lmao, Ito just admitted that PH is subjected to changes depending on how James views him, and that explains why details are vague and hard to determine let alone see bc the game is so dark. Take this little gacha figure of PH for example, from a cute baseball game called, I think, Konami Dream Stars (Pal Pro kun?) Yeah, I got Snake as well lol:

...and yes, shameless little peek at my nerdiness on display, all the Capcom stuff is directly below it lolll

------------------------------------------------------------------ So! Having learned what I did, I ofc had to question the next obvious thing; the cutscene just before the first boss fight. PH was without a doubt molesting the Lying Figure/Body which was moaning suggestively the entire fucking time - no one is about to gaslight me into thinking THAT wasn't sexual! And yes, Ito admits that scene was intentionally made to appear sexual (as opposed to the mannequins) and yet he says it has no sexual meaning....wtf does that even mean?! Well, I think I got it. Again, language barrier is most likely to blame, but... To apply the last explanation for the mannequins; James' delusions are making him *think* he is seeing something intimate to the point it manifests right then and there which is so disturbing he recoils and tries to go back through the now-locked door. And so.. it would seem that to PH, he is just trying to destroy the delusions and he can't help how James perceives that; it's just going to manifest accordingly. And while Ito hates 'sexual repression' as somehow being canon to some fans (the majority actually), well, bruh... can you really blame people for coming to that conclusion? The flesh lips, nurses too, are on the risque side. Now, idk how it doesn't indicate something sexual if it's not meaning to be but I am aware of Ito's art style tending to be quite sexual and suggestive, featuring a lot of bdsm themes in his artwork and he is quite obviously inspired by at least HR Giger's work. So making the nurses, for example, look the way they do may be a stylistic choice, but I highly doubt it doesn't also have a symbolic purpose other than referencing Lisa's image or something (This is Silent Hill though ffs, everything is symbolic, it HAS to be). I'll reassess the meaning of those for myself, but specifically I'm addressing PH (and soon in another post, the other elephant in the room: Abstract Daddy.) Initially, I always saw PH as trying to remind James of his sins, jolt his memory, to wake him up to reality. (Which is interesting considering it's not clear if Silent Hill itself is even rooted in reality, the alter dimensions I mean. Another topic I want to address soon.) I also noticed the mirroring effect PH/Maria were doing in relation to their human counterparts; PH is James, and Maria is Mary; James killed Mary, and so PH kills Maria. But.. If PH is actually also trying to destroy the delusions, (which also appears to reflect the fact James is trying to overcome his guilt, his mental blockages that are causing his selective amnesia)that inadvertently means PH will need to destroy himself in the end as well, and that is exactly what happens..

Coincidentally, this would also reflect James' suiciding.

But first, PH attacks the monsters that are manifested and represent different aspects of James' trauma/psyche. Then he is constantly confronting James by killing Maria, or James having to return to a dead Maria. I thought he was basically tormenting James by showing him what he'd essentially done to Mary. "This is what you're guilty about, this is what you need to accept'' I think that idea still holds water (pun very intentional), but now I feel it adds another layer because Maria is the ultimate delusion... and thus, PH must destroy her. Now when she says 'I'm not your Mary, but I can if you want me to be' makes more sense to me what she is. She too is subjected to James' delusions because she keeps shifting the perspective she talks or thinks in, Mary's or Maria's? But she knows she is not Mary, just a manifestation of an idea. And James deep down knows she is holding him back (like all the other delusions) and that feeling calls PH to thus kill her. When James can't escape the reality of his past, he finally accepts the truth, the memories revived by the tape, and confronts PH after stabbing Maria a final time. 'Stop denying/ignoring your guilt, and stop trying to cover it up with distractions like Maria'. James finally doesn't need to be told anymore, he has punished himself (fitting, seeing as PH is an extension of James anyway) and thus PH, the final delusion/illusion kill themselves and disappear.

-------------------------------------

OK so that's PH! Now to compare that with the remake

My main gripe was that the game is way too saturated in colour and too bright in certain parts, but it improves that as you delve deeper in the game thankfully. Kudos to Bloober for changing James' face to something more 'unaware' and disassociative. Gripe number 2: I do wish they cut out the 'hand rubbing' in the opening scene or at least tone it down bc that kind of foreshadowing is too damn obvious, sorry. Not needed. Especially not right at the start. Not even for old fans playing it, we know what happens, but cmon...It makes James too aware of *something* and his selective amnesia is what gives rise to his own customised demons...if he is even slightly aware of what he did, then what is the point to seeing the monsters, let alone PH attacking them, now that we know what Ito had intended? Wouldnt that change their appearance, or rather, remove them altogether? sigh, anyway. I find PH a bit too bright, not dirty enough and consequently, not as disturbing. Partly for that was how they clearly removed the lying body scene from the boss fight. I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but now with much needed context, this now makes sense...

HOWEVER....If my guess about James' assuming something sexual was taking place in that scene is what manifested it to begin with, then what is there to say about the remake?... So the simple act of hand-rubbing (awareness) really DOES make a difference, huh?! >:O it took away our favourite PH scene! 😂💔..

We can talk about DEI and stuff like that affecting certain themes in this game.... but Ito saying 'it doesn't mean it's sexual' would explain why it's taken out of the remake. Ito has supervised the Bloober design team on this, so they would have so much more context and info from the man himself... Still, it appears to conflict with James' psyche, bc it is through his very perspective that we are perceiving the town and how it presents itself to James so ofc if James sees something explicit, so are we the player. We are seeing the town and monsters through his eyes. And there is much to say about whether or not the other characters are even seeing the same town, but I'll get to that too. There is also the possibility that it's just 'creative freedom' on Bloober's part. It sucks, but overall... the game's pros outweigh the cons. Symbolism for Silent Hill is a very strong trait though, so I'm a bit conflicted about those changes. In the end, PH being a punisher and attacking the delusions of James' traumatised state of mind is fundamental, so as long as that is present, then I can't really say it's so inaccurate ig. It does imho, take away from PH's menacing persona and tones the disturbing factor down which consequently, in my humble opinion, makes him less scary. Intimidating, perhaps.. but less so. He looks very cool though lol. Especially how he breaks the walls during the chase and the final PH battle, I was super impressed with it! I didn't really like how PH was animated in the cutscene in the first fight (the way he turns around, idk..) but I love how they both throw the spears at you! This fight definitely improved upon the og version. Ah, and the sound of his heavy footsteps are wonderful as well! There was another creative thing Bloober did with PH's knife where you have to pick it up to advance through the tentacle wall thing. I realised this was a manifestation of James mental blocks since he starts holding his head in pain. But I thought "oh cool! James is gonna use the Great Knife to cut them!" But sadly, no.. but.. those tentacles would peel back, afraid of the presence of PH's knife... they are delusions after all~

Oh btw.. I didn't realize this before, but as soon as you attain Angela's knife, PH appears with the Great Knife - before this, he is unarmed. In Remake, right after you get her knife, you can hear PH's infamous screeching coming from dragging the Great Knife, reiterating that he is James. Subtle but very cool! I can't believe I didn't make that connection myself lol bah.

A bit more gripes to mention though: his strange janky movements that were imitated in remake made it look like a sad parody of the original scene, which was much more disturbing. I think it would have been better had they not added that part, it was random to see when he was moving as normal as one does trying to apprehend the mannequins, then calmly and slowly assessing the room only to suddenly flail about and strike random poses barely reminiscent of what he does in the original...and then just stand there as if James never shot him 🤨 not to mention, James looks so unbothered in this scene, he doesnt look at all anxious like in the original..the whole 'interaction' looked awkward. The original scene was paced better giving PH a kind of build up to those strange movements. I also dislike the lack of reaction and bad pacing with several of Remake's cutscenes as it toned down much of the intensity in crucial moments of the game, like in this one with PH. Yet... improved on others that I think were made better than the original's by elaborating on them.

Anyway I will touch on this and add more criticisms on remake in another post, this one is long enough lol; i just tried to get my thoughts on PH in one post but if I missed something I'll just add it in the PT.2.

If you actually read this, you must be as obsessed as I am (thank you)! Feel free to add your thoughts if you want, I love talking about silent hill symbolism or the ideologies behind The Order.

[stillhavetodothat]

Replaying Nancy Drew without Cheating - Part 10: Curse of Blackmoor Manor

Bruuuhhhh. This is the best project I have ever embarked on and I will tell you why. Never have I ever appreciated the gameplay and storytelling of Nancy Drew games this much before now, which is saying something, since I have always been a massive fan. Constantly switching between the game and Gameboomers ruins the immersion, and if there is ever a game you want to be immersed in, it’s this one. Still to this day, I think this is my number 1 Nancy game of all time. There are still over 20 more to go, including some I’ve never played before, so there is always time for me to change my mind. But goddamn, this is good.

The Curse of Blackmoor Manor is a MASTERPIECE. The backstory is rich and nicely tied together, and the gameplay is complex. The fact that Her made this entire family tree and a (more often than not, tragic) backstory for each person in it was awesome. And of course, the setting is super spooky. I got goosebumps multiple times even when I knew a scare was coming. I also love that the game relied less on dialogue than most other games, and really emphasized puzzles and exploring. Never even realized how much I enjoyed this aspect of the game - I like being shown and not told.

Surprisingly, I was NOT tempted to cheat in this game, despite it being one of the hardest games of the series, at least in my memory. I got frustrated at Alan’s ghost game, because there was one I kept missing in the hallway by the kitchen (which I believe was also the same one I missed every single time in prior plays before ultimately looking up the solution). Other than that, it is a very satisfying game and I had a very smooth playthrough, and it will have me humming “Brigitte” nonstop for likely the next month, much to my fiance’s chagrin.

Here are some of my thoughts:

1. I totally forgot how many random scenes there are in this game that aren’t triggered every time you play. I was waiting and waiting to see the lady in black floating down the hallway in the middle of the night, or to see Mrs. Drake putting a pendant over Linda’s doorframe, but instead I got the dream where the crests were flashing and a disembodied voice says, with a little too much cheer, “How bout we just shake this stuff off and go to the mall?” That was so wildly unsettling, and I had never seen it before with any playthrough. The dream with all the distorted portraits above Nancy’s bed with the sinister chuckling in the background is SO creepy and felt too much like a fever dream I would have if I came down with the flu on the moor.

2. I thought this before and I still think it now - how is a weak ass glowstick seriously the best source of portable light in the entire wretched mansion?? 

3. We should have been able to go into Mrs. Drake’s room. Robbed.

4. Kudos to the developers for including elements of cults, astronomy, and alchemy all in one game. The vibes were ~immaculate~.

5. Nigel Mookerjee had the most punchable face I’ve seen in a while. Almost as much as Shorty. I was so excited to terrorize him by moving the statue in the library that I ended up doing it WAY before I found the forge and even knew what I needed to do with that puzzle. I got it through a lot of trial and error. I just couldn’t wait to hear his screams.

6. I loathe Jane. It’s surprising I love this game so much, because I hate every single one of the characters (with the exception, of course, of LouLou, and Tommy at the pub). As the eldest child in my entire family, on both sides, I found her incessant need to latch onto me and have me constantly entertaining her completely triggering. As a kid, when the cage falls on top of her in the forge at the very end, I remember being disappointed that I actually had to help her out and couldn’t just let her suffocate in there. I also wish Nancy would have told Jane that Brady “Total Hottie” Armstrong effectively tried to kill Maya and is a terrible, terrible person, just to ruin that crush for her.

7. You probably think I’m a bad person based on 5 and 6. I’m sorry to tell you that you are right.

8. I want to live in a world where a few weeks of a hair growth product yields THESE sorts of results. No one would ever go bald! Everyone would have a lucious head of hair! Hairlines would be all the way down to eyebrows!

9. The fact that this game was chock-full of puzzles and we had to do almost NO chores is so amazingly rare. After all the vegetable picking, horse and chicken feeding, chicken coop fixing, and egg collecting of SHA, it was nice to have a little break from being everyone’s bitch. I can forgive Mrs. Drake for making us organize her stupid succulents in a box. The alchemy puzzle was super fun, playing against Betty was super fun, finding the secret slide was fun as HECK, even figuring out the moving rooms (like, REALLY trying to figure it out rather than panicking and looking up the walkthrough) was fun(ish) too.

9a. If I could change one thing puzzle-wise, it would be the fact that we had to re-do the dragon hands/goblin swivels every time we wanted to get into a secret passageway. Very repetitive, which is never my cup of tea. Who would have thought, though, that the combinations would be so burned into my mind from childhood that I’d be able to open both just from muscle memory each time?

10. I want to know whose idea it was to print out these portraits (and spend good money to have them framed) of Hugh looking like a sweet puppy dog and Linda looking like the most unpleasant person in the world? Are these really the moments we want to remember?

11. Finally, I think this is the first game where I found an Easter egg (the teeth!!). Is it the first one with an Easter egg at all? No, but for some reason it is the first one I have gotten throughout this playthrough. For some reason, when I think of Easter eggs in videogames, I always think of this particular Easter egg. The Easter egg of Easter eggs, if you will.

I kind of feel that moving on to the Secret of the Old Clock is going to feel like a major downgrade after this, just like playing most other games would feel like a downgrade. However, I will perservere, even when I am inevitably pulling my hair out trying to get par on Josiah’s golf course! 1930, Nancy saying “horsefeathers,” and never getting tipped on a telegram, here I come!

[go-go-devil]

for the characters, give me.... siegmeyer of catarina and somsnosa!!

Quite the duo to choose here! Let's go!!

(Also I'm not going to include the "Idea for a Story" bits with them since I'm either currently writing one or have already written several for both characters)

Siegmeyer of Catarina

First impression: Right off the bat I loved him, largely due to his voice acting and the fact that his "Hmmmmmm, Mmmmmm's" instantly became a new vocal stim of mine.

Impression now: I love him even more! One of things I like about the Dark Souls npcs is how several of them are meant to relate to the player themself; Siegmeyer here being the newbie who comes in thinking they'll go on an easygoing adventure, only to realize how unprepared they actually were and end up hitting a wall at portions of the journey. He's the living embodiment of that feeling where you're stuck in one area of a video game and need to look up a guide on how to proceed, or even when your dad plays a video game that isn't the original Super Mario Bros for the 1st time in his life and you watch him constantly running into walls and dying at stuff that seems extremely basic to you before you realize just how new and out-of-his-element this whole experience actually is to him.

(Okay maybe that last parallel was a bit personal, lol)

Favorite moment: Every moment I have with him is a favorite of mine, though one I sadly haven't experienced in any of my playthroughs yet is when he finally gains the initiative to help us out by diving headfirst and screaming into a pit of Chaos Eaters and absolutely destroying them (though still with our help since there's too many for him to take on alone). Even though his quest always ends in tragedy, I like this ending since he at least gets one last hurrah and proves himself to us. The ending I got where I killed all the Chaos Eaters before finding him and he morosely reflects on how useless he is feels worse for me, since as far as I'm concerned it probably caused him to hollow before even seeing his daughter one last time...

Unpopular opinion: Not entirely sure how "unpopular" this take is per say, but I really hate it when people come to the conclusion that Siegmeyer is unintelligent due to how often he struggles throughout his quest, or even that he's somehow being manipulative in the process???

This largely came from a lore video I decided to watch one time from a popular DS Lore Ytuber. It was all just a series of very negative takes on Siegmeyer, but some of the shit he "speculates" about him was honestly quite disgusting; like how he thought the reason he falls asleep is "because he can't muster the brainpower to keep thinking" or something along those lines which is a WHOLE fucking can of ableist worms I don't feel like getting into here. Now I'm not one to rag on someone who's just speculating on the story of these games and their open-ended narratives, but I truly hope nobody takes that video too seriously because holy shit... -_-

Favorite relationship: Siegmeyer/Domhnall

Favorite headcanon: Besides the one's I've discussed with you before, I have this very self-indulgent headcanon that Siegmeyer's wife was a Carimian immigrant, and that he's one of the few outsiders who has any knowledge of (or respect for) their culture. I say it's self-indulgent because there is literally no in-game evidence of this and I'm using it for some fun character bonding moments in To The Accursed. Personally I always found the connection between the tearstone rings of Catarina and Carim to be intriguing; two rings that are opposites yet counterparts to each other. Maybe both countries aren't so different after all, and are even allied. Who knows!

Somsnosa

First impression: Immediate attraction. I mean what's not to love? She looks like the main character from Ico AND has dominion over the insects. It's like the perfect character for me!

Impression now: One of my favorite female characters of all time, even despite how light on story and characterization these games are. Really though, it seems to me that Somsnosa gets the most when it comes to a personality out of all the other characters, even Wayne. Between both games she goes through an arc of suffering from depression, then overcoming it with the help of her friends, then succeeding in running her own business (there's even more to it in Absent Moon, but I won't spoil that for you here). I also find it refreshing and hilarious how out of all the playable characters in Hylics 2, her redesign is the only one whom everyone can agree wasn't fruitified and/or sexualized in any way XD

Favorite moment: Her introduction in Hylics 1 is probably her most memorable moment for me, largely due to the absurd but sweet way we cure her depression and how cool her house is.

Unpopular opinion: Declining because "unpopular opinions" largely don't exist in this fandom.

Favorite relationship: 100% in a polycule with Wayne, Dedusmuln, and Pongorma! I will never back down on the Crescent Crew polycule, these four are soooo much more than just band mates ;-)

Favorite headcanon: Hmmmm, that's a tough one... I suppose one that I've had for the longest time was that SHE'S actually the one who kickstarted Moonage Lobotomy back when it was just her and Wayne. They found a microphone and guitar while scavenging through some trash cans and she realized right away that the two of them could totally start a band together! As far as I'm concerned she writes nearly all of the lyrics for their songs, with Wayne contributing only rarely as he's more of an instrumental being, and was also the one to suggest that Dedusmuln try their hand at percussion after their theremin was stolen/devoured due to a luggage mishap while on tour.

[theeeveetamer]

I just wanna talk about the new Story of Seasons/Harvest Moon game for a second because honestly like

A(nother) Wonderful Life (the OG for the GameCube) was always such a fascinating entry to me because it’s quite literally one of the most barebones and easiest entries in the entire series. Like, there’s only four festivals, only a handful of random events, probably the smallest farm of any entry, it’s super easy to build friendship and villagers don’t have that much dialogue… yet if you ask any fan of the series they’ll probably still rate it highly. And I’m the same! I absolutely love the game!

I really do think the game’s simplicity is what makes it stand out in the grand scheme of things. It’s just a chill lil game that doesn’t require much from you and you can kind of take it at your own pace. And it has less of the like… massive farming empire vibes? of other entries or a game like Stardew Valley. More like a little homestead.

I think the remake really captures that essence too, but with improvements. I wanna talk about what I think they improved on a bit, more under the cut cuz it’s gonna get long.

I haven’t timed it, but the days feel MUCH quicker in the remake. In the OG it felt like you could get absolutely everything done (farming, running around and gifting + collecting all the flowers and such) by about 2 pm. I thiiiiink that was to give you time to do the archaeology and fishing and whatnot, but IMO the days in the original still moved way too slowly (also didn’t the game time pause while fishing and stuff? It doesn’t anymore)

Tool upgrades! The tools now have copper, silver, and gold variants that can be bought from Van assuming certain criteria are met, which means you can easily upgrade your stuff without having to know obscure triggers (e.g. befriending Romana and coming to her room at a certain time to get the watering can that can water 9 squares at a time). This makes it actually worthwhile to use all of your farmland AND water it twice a day, since it’s no longer going to take you hours of button mashing just to water everything.

Obvious but all the glitches are fixed now too. So Van no longer comes every day of the week, selling a calf doesn’t permanently lock a barn slot (what killed my first playthrough), etc.

The bulletin board is a nice way to help players gain friendship/pass the time but in a slightly different way. Plus it will notify you of important items, like the alarm clock!

The festivals are MUCH harder to miss now

I believe they added more little cutscenes (or at least possibly made them easier to trigger)

You can marry anyone! You can also pick your character’s pronouns so you can officially play a non-binary character. They do only let you pick between he/him, she/her, and they/them tho.

Adding onto that, they let you have a daughter finally, without any bullshit.

There’s kind of an inbuilt achievement system, which I think actually does wonders for helping give you direction while playing. Stuff like fish up so many types of fish, have so many animals born on your farm, etc. I don’t know if it’s possible to get all of them in a single playthrough but I am actually trying

The UI is MUCH clearer and more informative with stuff like showing you your exact stamina and energy levels

The cows no longer have to be bred to continue giving milk. I know some people probably won’t like this much since it added a bit of realism to the game, but I prefer it this way tbh. Because of the way breeding worked in the old game you basically always had a cow that wasn’t giving you milk, cutting into your profit margins

The goat. iykyk

Downgrades

They Bishiefied Cody (Gordy now) :( I wish the SoS games allowed their bachelor(ette)s to have more body diversity in general. Woulda married that man in a heartbeat with his OG design lemme tell you

The fucking territory mini game is still here. And you have to win ten games to earn a music record. Help.

[abyssmarked]

i thought it might be fun to write out my headcanon dynamics for neph and the companions in her party ( this is solely based on my playthrough and doesn’t necessarily reflect how neph feels about any of these muses in threads i might have with anyone, and neph’s feelings about companions also don’t reflect MY personal feelings of said characters, i promise i actually really like gale. ).

astarion ; nepharia started manipulating him from the beginning, very quickly picking up on the fact that he was doing the exact same thing to her. after each of them realized that the other was being disingenuous, and only using the other, desperately seeking someone they could trust in these stressful and dire times— an actual bond began to form. a trauma bond, mostly, opening up about their time as slaves to people more powerful than them. nepharia encouraged his hunger for power, just as he did her — they were partners, but ultimately realized they needed a friend more than a lover in the other. eventually, she helps him ascend.

shadowheart ; the cleric’s secrecy and incredibly reserved demeanor bothered nepharia none, because she didn’t want to talk about herself either. she didn’t want to reveal to anyone the true nature of what she was, lest they not trust her, or worse, leave her alone to deal with everything by herself. she respected shadowheart’s privacy, and never pushed for information that wasn’t willingly given. now with shadowheart, though— nepharia convinces her not kill the nightsong, not because she didn’t want to see shadowheart get the things she wanted, but because she knew that their next battles would be far more difficult without a powerful demigod on their side. neph even helped save her parents. :’) i like to think these two are close.

lae’zel ; the way lae’zel would compliment neph’s brutality in battle is what made this demon really like lae’zel. having lae’zel in combat was always such great motivation. and scary devil though neph may be, she knew better than to get on lae’zel’s bad side. did she think she stood a chance in a fight against her? honestly, it’s a 50 / 50 in the succubus’ mind, but only if she was in her true form. out of it, she stood less of a chance.

minthara ; as much as nepharia loves dabbling in her fair share of vicious and brutal bloodshed, releasing those atrocities on innocent refugees certainly wasn’t the succubus’ idea of a fun time. but it was the safer choice, better than going up against the entire goblin camp and risk blowing her cover as an unsuspecting tiefling, or worse, dying. she doesn’t reciprocate minthara’s advances at camp that evening, and not because she didn’t find minthara— intriguing, something about her immediately made nepharia curious. what was a woman who wields so much power and authority in the sound of her voice alone doing with a charge of… goblins? and why attack meaningless, minuscule tieflings, when she seemed so very capable of so much more than that? nothing about it seemed right, but nevertheless, the image of dead tiefling children etched into her mind was enough to kill any sensual mood, even for a succubus. it’s not until they meet again at moonrise towers, when nepharia smells the sheer terror and helplessness coming from the drow, that the devil for the first time empathizes with minthara. she’s known that fear, that helplessness. minthara becomes neph’s biggest motivator in every sense of the word, and encourages her to take control of her life again— she gives neph that fire back, that absolutely unhinged, feral drive that she lost long ago.

gale ; neph honestly almost didn’t pull him out of that portal as soon as she heard his voice, and then when she did, and he didn’t. stop. talking. she wanted to shove him back in. she resisted the urge for a very long time in the beginning to seduce and kill this man, the only thing really stopping her was the orb in his chest, not knowing whether or not it would kill them all off if she did. she found him unbearably sad and pathetic, but eventually— he does grow on her, as much as she’s annoyed by it, and she might not ever admit it. but he hated her guts for a while as well, especially after the grove raid…

karlach & wyll left the party. :’)))))

[rottenbrainstuff]

BG3 playthrough - Baldur’s Gate is ENORMOUS

I didn’t think I could be more overwhelmed but somehow this game just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Which is fine, but… my pathetic little mac can’t deal with it. The deeper I get into the city, the worse the gameplay gets, and it’s so bad now, so bad. I wish there was an even more basic barebones graphics level below low.

Spoilers:

The dark urge flavour in the tabernacle was neat. My character left a big donation for the seldarine goddess not out of religious devotion but as a spiteful fuck-you to daddy. I like that Bhaal answers back. Very fun. And Astarion continues in his theme of being grumpy about anything religious. I don’t know, buddy. After he mentioned being thankful that it was my plot that freed him, I can’t help but look at the whole coincidence of it all and wonder if that was the answer to his prayers, even though it took a long time to play out.

I got to Sorcerous Sundries. The thing that upset me the most about Rolan wasn’t his face, it wasn’t the shitty situation he described, no, somehow the thing that upset me the most was that he wasn’t even bothering to be arrogant and rude anymore. It was that little detail that made me feel the worst and made me understand how bad things were. Poor buddy. It’s ok, Aylin broke Lorroakan over her fucking knee. God I love her.

What an irritating fight though. I accidentally brought all squishy spellcasters with me when maybe a good fighter would have been more efficient. (sigh, Lae’zel, I will find you soon, I promise) My tav freshly leveled up to 11 and I finally, FINALLY got OTTO’S IRRESISTABLE DANCE. Ooooooh I’ve been waiting forever for that. I cast it on Lorroakan right at the start and it was great, kept him quiet the entire fight while we chipped away at all his goddamned elementals until we were ready to kick his ass. Oh my god oh my GOD was it ever funny watching him boogie the whole time in the corner, getting angry every turn and threatening us as he did his little shuffle. I laughed and laughed and laughed. BEST SPELL EVER. Can’t wait to use it on Gortash and Orin. Rolan ended up getting the final killing hit in, which made me pleased. I’ve had Shovel summoned and following Astarion ever since I read the scroll mid-act-1, and sadly she got zapped in the fight and I didn’t notice until a few hours later. I could reload and redo the fight to keep her alive, but myeh I dunno, maybe it’s her time. Gale still knows how to summon her if we want her back.

I don’t have patch 6 yet - mac users always have to wait longer - so I don’t get to see the new fight cinematics yet. I assume that once the patch comes out, I’ll be able to load old save slots up and watch it then?...

After that, I was just dicking around and found the whole lower level of the tower and all the stuff that goes with that totally by accident.

I did the whole newspaper quest thingie, and managed to do it mostly by just sneaking really good, only ended up using one single invisibility potion… but I don’t know if my game is bugged or what, I was a bit disappointed, the next morning the quest had succeeded and NPCs talk to me like I’m a celebrity now, but the newspaper wasn’t about me. If I succeed or if I fail, the paper is always just random unrelated headlines. I was wanting a funny and relevant story! :( Ah well. Sneaking through there around the guards was a pain in the ass and a half but I’m low on invisibility potions :( Until I get some more I need to be careful.

The only thing more fun than exploring and finding all the neat little details is doublechecking with my daughter who is also playing, and seeing how much she has MISSED because she just speeds through with no patience for the exploring. Lmao. She’s currently stuck at Shadowheart’s big fight in the House of Grief. I popped down there myself to take a look and shee-it, that is definitely a nasty stupid fight.

Dang there’s so much stuff here in the city though. I honestly can’t even remember all of what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m kind of in the mood to hurry up and get to the Cazador fight, but there’s so much city to explore between here and there. And my computer lags and lags and lags.

[punklorde-hunter]

Well, since i finished the main story Penacony's first half (still need to do the Companion Mission + finding all those chests), and I took a few screenshots, and I thought I'd show them while also having commentary on the main quest's story beats.

**SPOILERS and a LOTS of words Under the Cut

While I am kinda sad Dan Heng didn't get to join us for Penacony, at least this means he gets a rest. Man was going through it on the Luofu let him have a chance to breathe and relax for once in his life.

This is more of a nitpick for me but I missed the easter egg at the beginning where you could've seen Silver Wolf & Sam chatting and I'm sad i missed it! I can go back in someone's playthrough to see it but man :(

Gotta love not at all ominous red text with Acheron. I'm sure this has nothing to do with anything in the foreseeable future.

That being said, I am kinda intrigued on what's the relationship between the Trailblazer & Acheron. I didn't get to play Honkai Impact 3rd, but I have read the comics Hoyoverse have online. And as the Star Rail's Raiden Mei of course they're going to give her an important role. It's also nice (and depressing) that she sees what I assume is the HSR Kiana of this universe, or someone else entirely. Plus she just seems like a character with a lot of regret. Hard to tell right now, but I also saw the red text does change depending on who you chose & the choices you make when talking to her so cool details!

Also Penacony is HUGE. I spent so much time getting lost in the Golden Hour area alone and i still haven't found every chest & puzzle. they really wanted this area to feel like the Roaring 20's and it shows

Aventurine is a grade-A asshat and good for him. He's very punch-able in a positivity way. Man's scheming something and i don't trust him one bit, but I am intrigued by him. Also his banter with Dr. Ratio was defiantly charged with something. Whether that was sexual tension or them wanting to kill each other, it's anyone's guess. He's also a really good contrast to Topaz as an IPC official whose not above using shady methods to win so I'm intrigued. Still wanna punch him tho.

I hope Misha & Gallagher get more time to shine in later patches, their appearances were so brief I NEED MORE! I do have a working theory on Misha but that's for a later time :)

Despite not being a character I would usually like, I kinda enjoy Sparkle in a "i would hate you irl but i find you fascinating in game' way. Masked Fools always struck me as an cool faction since their Aeon is a trickster god in a way. SO it makes sense of of their most notable Fool being a shapeshifting trickster who loves pushing people's buttons for fun. I'm pulling for her for having more DHIL ultity but man is she a piece of work.

I also really enjoyed Firefly as a character. Even tho I feel we didn't get to explore more of her character before you know what, I liked what we got. She was very cryptic about why she was a stowaway, and a lot of dialogue during her heart-to-heart definitely means something. Even what Clockie said about people being able to see him by being pure of heart probably holds more weight, but i guess will have to wait to see where that goes in future patches.

Nothing much, I just really liked this shot in the Dream's Edge area, and I think generally I enjoy Dream Edge the most out of all the Penacony 2.0 maps. The shooting stars are a nice touch too!

What a cute pic, surely this means only good things for them :)

On that matter, I can't believe Star Rail introduced a sweet cute young girl, had us bond the majority of the quest-line with, ONLY to rip her from us in the most GRAPHIC WAY POSSIBLE!? ALL WHILE PLAYING "If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking" AFTERWARDS?! WHAT THE HELL

what a way to show Penacony isn't playing games, and that the writers being from Honkai Impact 3rd show they aren't afraid to show that things in Penacony are taking LIVES!!

I also like Acheron in this scene after Firefly passed on and giving some funerary rites. A nice quiet moment after we got are hearts crushed by the Something onto Death entity. I also like how Black Swan has beein a patient guide after all this, trying to get the Trailblazer to a goal but because she can foresee events through Arcana and can see memories, shes been the most helpful on Penacony as of right now despite being an enigma

I also loved Sam's first introduction as he's always been mentioned by the other Stellaron Hunters as 'not picky' with his prey, doesn't play mind games and goes straight for the kill type. And man did he make an impression in the short amount of time he got.

And the end scene with Aventurine, there's a lot going on. While i don't completely agree with him on Acheron, he does have a point on her being suspicious. Especially if she killed Duke Inferno ALONE (rip Ifrit mains) and her Emanator powers truly do come from one of the destructive Aeons. Most likely Finality since KiaMei is as consistant as with BronSeele/lh

Also on a side not I hope Sunday gets to go apeshit soon, dude deserves it since his dear sister is dead too. Otherwise yeah I'm VERY invested in what Penacony has in store later on.

And with that, I leave this post with the MOST EVIL ACHIEVEMENT PT 1 (there's more of them dw)

[alicelufenia]

Maybe it's different on other sites (I don't follow the fandom on twt or reddit) but the #1 with a bullet takeaway most of the fandom seems to have from where I'm at is that Halsin is willing to condemn a woman to death to save his own peace of mind. You can be critical of his character (which is a good thing! As I'll get to in a sec) completely on the basis that he's asking you to choose between them, knowing only one party is in real danger (hint: not Halsin) of being abandoned.

That's still a a character flaw that doesn't even need elaborating on his history with the drow. That can still be a factor, as would his imprisonment in the goblin camp. To say a lot has changed since then is an understatement, and as he states he's perfectly willing to go if Tav (the one he's supposed to be worried about for in this case also) refuses to effectively kill Minthara.

Speaking of his history with drow, it would be equally silly to dismiss it entirely as irrelevant considering he generally has nothing but negative things to say about drow. But then, so does basically everyone else in Faerun, and every other character will make an exception for Tav so yes, that's not the only motivation. It is also the thing he falls back on when Minthara refutes his claims that she's a danger due to what happened (or would have happened) to the grove.

Anyway, count me as someone who really likes the ultimatum, and would be okay with this ultimately being a hard choice (no convincing him) between the two, if Larian is unable to implement any further interactions between the two. Because it'll start to feel weird if they have literally no interactions (as I intend to find out for myself in my current playthrough where I'm recruiting everyone; at least unless this ultimatum drops before I get to that point), but if they remain mutually exclusive but the player has to make a morally difficult decision no matter what they choose, that to me is more interesting and a better way to characterize both of them.

Because it isn't a morally pure choice, it shouldn't be. You either side with the "good" character against the "evil" one, and in so doing condemn her to a fate worse than death. Or you side with the "evil" character against the "good" character, who can walk away and return to his original duties tending his grove, a position he was reluctant to hold, but held no intrinsic harm to him.

I don't know about you, but I don't consider condemning someone to slavery that robs them of their free will to be a "good" decision. No matter who the victim is.

Meanwhile up to this point, Tav has already given Minthara the benefit of the doubt by 1) not killing her (this one is flexible if you take knocking her out as "she survived despite our efforts") 2) rescued her from getting mind wiped, and 3) led her to safety, and 4) knows without a doubt at this point that her actions were not her own, and that you share a common enemy now.

To turn on her now feels not only "evil" but craven and duplicitous. Not on Halsin's part, but Tav.

At this point the only reason I could see for siding with Halsin is a "greater good" mentality that you need him to reverse the shadow curse (which, you can get this ultimatum after that's done, so *shrugs* in that case). And historically those who do morally nefarious things for the greater good are always in the right, right? /joking

Something to think about should you actually have to make a decision on whether to send Minthara off into a fate she says herself she would rather die than face again.

(Also to clarify for "best reading comprehension site", obviously there isn't really a moral choice here, it's a game and none of the characters are real people. There's nothing to judge about a person based on what they'd do in a game. This is entirely about the morality of the decision from the perspective of the characters. Thank you, I genuinely hope this helps.)

Okay ONE more post about this, and then I'm going to try and disengage from the issue again.

I think what annoys me so much about the reactions to Halsin in the ultimatum is that the fandom is working BACKWARDS to make things fit a conclusion, rather than looking at the textual evidence to form a conclusion.

The fandom's conclusion: Halsin is racist to Drow.

Therefore: His objections to Minthara's actions are solely based on her race.

Therefore: It makes no sense that he is okay with a Lolth-sworn Tav, since he is Drow racist, which means he is just making Tav one of his Exceptions. His acceptance of Tav and willingness to judge Tav on their actions does NOT disprove that he is Drow-racist; it is, instead, an oversight in the writing of Halsin as a Drow-racist character.

But also: Halsin makes one comment early on expressing skepticism that a Drow Tav actually has reservations about killing another Drow, when Drow society is built on constant betrayal and culling of the weak. This proves that he is actually Drow-racist.

Further: It is really gross that Halsin is willing to sleep with the Drow twins. This does NOT disprove that he is Drow-racist; instead, it suggests that he will fetishize Drow while being Drow-racist.

Further: Halsin saying "Lolth's followers" does not make him not Drow-racist. Instead, it means he's discriminating against a religion, and also being very insensitive to cult victims, and he should turn the other cheek. It's actually WORSE if he hates just Lolth's followers instead of all Drow.

Further: Halsin's statements about Minthara's true nature are obviously about exclusively her race, and not her character as an individual. Therefore, his forgiveness of Kagha wasn't because he had seen her be a different and better person before her corruption by the Shadow Druids, but because she was not a Drow, and therefore, this supports that he is Drow-racist.

Therefore: Halsin's objections to Minthara are NOT based on her being a slave owner (and slavery supporter) while Halsin has trauma about being enslaved, and not about her attempt to murder everyone he knows, and not about concerns she will harm the player character (who Halsin has shown multiple times is EXTREMELY important to him), and not about fear for his own life, but solely about Minthara's race, which makes him Drow-racist.

Fandom refuses to see the inherent tautology of this, and it makes it impossible to stop the character-bashing. Instead of contradictory evidence proving Halsin isn't Drow-racist, it's either twisted to make it out like he wouldn't care about that thing if she wasn't a Drow, so he actually is MORE Drow-racist than he was before that issue was brought up, or it's written off as an "inconsistency" with a character as obviously Drow-racist as Halsin.

There is just no winning here. So fine, I give up, I guess I'm stanning a Drow-racist daddy now.

[ravenadottir]

Hreyooo, Which route do you think is the most fun? I don't know which one to play and I'm afraid to leave my boy Lucas in the hands of fate, I admit it. 🤠

heyooo! ooh, i love to do this route because of the responses we can get and my favorite is not about an LI but about a conduct (like i mentioned in this post a while ago)

((also if you're interested in which playthrough is the best for each li, IN MY OPINION, i wrote it down here))

hear me out: BURN THE VILLA.

i always start with rocco but kiss and flirt with the others every opportunity i get. after so many playthroughs i felt i deserved a little treat, and this one route i did was honestly the best!

so, let 's begin!

day 1 i choose rocco. truth and dare: noah. kiss rocco after if he's into it. pay the 5 gems to meet the second boy that's gonna chase you. i really don't pick anyone specific and sometimes will close my eyes when tapping the order of the boys on the first pick. i enjoy the surprise lol

every time one of the boys flirt or ask for reassurance, i'm openly flirting. i like hurting rocco and earning his side thing with marisol. besides, my mc doesn't care about it and even calls lottie out when she's angry about it.

slime challenge: i go bananas on everyone, catch every color, really go for it! and when being called out i always shrug and give the "i don't care" type of response.

whenever gary wants a kiss i give it to him. because my mc is living her best life in this one! besides, i side with priya to make lottie mad, mostly because she's being a hypocrite before casa amor.

when lucas and henrik enter the villa i flirt with both. it's simply too fun to not do it! when we go to the firepit i sit in between them and do my best to make them feel welcome. at the date i give everything to both, because there's going to be some angst once one of them leaves. it's just that little *spark* of extra flavor.

the tweet challenge is the perfect opportunity to spite everyone and call them out, especially lottie and hope. no one escapes this route, not even the girls.

when rocco leaves i share the bed with lucas/henrik. usually i let lucas stay in the villa because he's so prone to drama himself.

every time there's an opportunity i call the girls out. it's the pot calling the kettle black and it's fun to see them squirm when they're on their high horse. again, at the beginning, every girl has something going on for them on the side. lottie wants gary, priya wants noah, hope wants lucas and marisol wants rocco, so it's fun to just air the dirty laundry every time i can.

when choosing someone i go for gary. especially after telling lottie i wouldn't. it's her and lucas being extremely disappointed but this is not the time for pity.

operation nope is the apex of the first two weeks and of course i go for it. blatantly flirting with noah before my mc kisses him. again, this is my reward for taking everyone's shit in other playthroughs.

now, because i go for noah, he's gonna choose my mc and i'll definitely kiss him and say this is what i wanted, only to play around and flirt with ALMOST everyone in casa amor. carl is my main guy but i flirt with kassam as well! i just want lottie to regret herself on every gary playthrough *shrugs*

when coming down to the choice i bring carl. not that it matters who comes from casa amor, they all turn into the same person except for a couple of answers on challenges, so... not much loss there.

BUT, when hope asks me who i want to choose me, i say it's bobby. he goes for it because the decision is ours and that's great. we have elisa and jo coming in and i only throw gasoline in the fire when the altercation between shannon and jo happens.

after all that, i continue to give everyone else the time of day. on day 24, when henrik and hannah come back, i tell henrik i'm into him. i don't cheat on bobby though and here's why: if you do you have no other alternative but to stay with henrik, and what i really want is to kill jo's spirit. so i go for ibrahim at the last recoupling, after ending things with bobby after the challenge.

and yes, i do go for both chats on the roofterrace with noah and end up hooking up with him on day 29. it just makes sense ya know? why stopping?

because it doesn't matter what you do you always win, i choose to steal the money but i also don't go for noah either. my mc is alone by the pool at the end of the night, but she was the most popular character in the entire season, cause a stir every time she could and i honestly think she would live her best during those 30 days!

[freuleinanna]

Hi I just found your blog so I was wondering In your playthrough were you able to keep everyone alive? Do have any fav scenes? Who are ur fav characters/and leave fav?

Hiii welcome!

In my first playthrough, I think I only killed Abi accidentally, because I got both her and Emma bitten and whaddayaknow, turns out, Emma still kills Abi :D Even though Emma was bit later than Abi, she turned and killed poor Abs anyway. I thought I was a genius for having two wolves in the same room, I thought they'd just be like okay, two werewolves hanging out, no killings. Big nope on that :)

My fav scene, for reasons that are between me and God, is when Laura bites Ryan. It just plays on every werewolf string I have in my whole entire body :D I also love the Travis-Laura-Ryan fighting were!Chris scene, and I LOVE the one where Dylan pushes Kaitlyn out of the way when they find were!Emma. My sweet boyyyy!

And if I have to list the fac characters... Here we go!

Travis - because family drama is my everything, and he's an immensely interesting character to think about.

Laura - because my girl pulled a Sarah Connor and turned herself from a typical genre character into a fighter with her will, her wits, and her eye patch.

Dylan - he's the best most wholesome protective dude ever, I just love him!

Kaitlyn - the game doesn't show her a lot which is a crime, but I love her spirit and her no-nonsense attitude. Plus she really kicks ass!

Max - he's just a bit puppy and I adore what they have with Laura! He has that sidekick-but-also-an-anchor-to-the-main-character thing going on, and I respect that.

Emma - because she's a multi-faceted character and I admire her street-smart vibe when it counts. She holds herself like a pro. Also, taking a werewolf pic? Best girl.

Jacob - when it comes to him, I'm that Office meme: - You don't have all the facts! - Which are? - I love him. 'Nuff said.

Ryan - I didn't particularly like him, although his dry sense of humour was really cool sometime.

Nick - LISTEN I hated that shit but then I made myself feel sorry for him and now I don't hate him as much. Still, me no dig. I saw a post somewhere and the person said that Nick's story never changes no matter how you play the game, he's always there, then he gets bitten, then he fucks off. Couldn't agree more. (also if the author sees it lmk I'll tag you or reblog your post!)

Abi - I'm sorry, she was just bland and boring. I'm nagging at this game for not giving the characters any particular development, but and Abi here is the worst case. On that note, I'm watching Modern Family now and I didn't recognize Ariel Winter right away, but then I did and I have to say, she's a much better actress than I could have thought of her from the game.

Feel free to leave more asks! Those are fun!

[oumakokichi]

So what do you think of Kaede and Kokichi's relationship? And if Kaede remained the protagonist how do you think it would change?

Considering it’s Kaede’s birthday today I think this is a really fun question to come back to!

Kaede is an absolutely amazing character, and I love how different her relationships with the rest of the cast feel from Saihara’s. She and Ouma have an especially interesting friendship in their FTEs together (one of Kaede’s FTEs with Ouma might be one of my favorite FTEs ever, really), so I don’t mind going a little more in-depth on my thoughts about their dynamic, as well as about how that dynamic and the story itself might’ve changed if Kaede had remained the protagonist!

Warning for spoilers as always, though I’m pretty sure most people know about the chapter 1 twist by now.

I think one of my absolute favorite things about Kaede is just how easy it is to get attached to her in such a short amount of time. She’s only around for the prologue and a single chapter, but despite that (or rather, because of the sheer length of the chapters in ndrv3, which tend to be much longer than dr1 or sdr2’s chapters), we still get to see so many different sides of her and just how complex of a character she really is. And I think that’s largely the reason for her continued popularity to this day: Kaede might not stay around for long, but we still really feel like we know her by the end of it.

And really, I think that’s pretty similar to how the actual characters feel about Kaede themselves. Despite how short her time is with all of them, she leaves such a powerful, lasting impression, even after her death. This is a pretty big change from previous DR games, where the chapter 1 culprits especially tend to suffer a pretty big lack of relevance or relationship to other characters in later chapters. Often times the victims are at least somewhat memorable (Maizono and the Impostor both at least come up a few times in their respective games), but characters like Leon or Teruteru just don’t feel like they have much of an impact on the other characters or the plot itself after their trials are finished.

This is totally different from Kaede, whose positive outlook and outgoing attitude already makes her fairly likable to most of the others, but who also openly invites the others to rely on her once she establishes herself as a leader figure fairly quickly in chapter 1. Most of the other characters latch onto her almost immediately, either because she seems so reliable and helpful (Saihara and Tenko in particular seem to like this about her), or because they can’t help but respect her and what she’s trying to do for the group (characters like Momota, who really values group cooperation, come to mind).

Personally, I think Ouma fell into the latter category. He and Kaede have something of a complicated relationship almost right from the get-go in chapter 1, but it’s still pretty clear that Ouma did respect Kaede a lot and recognized that she had the group’s best interests at heart, even if he didn’t always agree with her methods.

Likewise, I think Kaede was somewhat curious about Ouma and really wanted to get along with him, despite how difficult he could be. We see in Ouma’s introduction, both in the demo and the actual game, that Kaede clearly recognizes on some level that part of his annoying attitude is really just his way of teasing others, and that he doesn’t seem particularly malicious. More specifically, she describes him as “having a childish streak that makes him hard to hate,” which is a pretty spot-on description of Ouma in a nutshell. In short, she knew he was annoying and childish (on purpose, most of the time) but she definitely didn’t think of him as evil or cruel. This may in part also be because she didn’t live long enough to see him embrace the fake villain routine by the end of chapter 4, of course.

Ouma has a few teasing remarks throughout most of the game, but it’s not really until the death road of despair is discovered that he and Kaede butt heads for the very first time. This is because of a big, fundamental difference between their ideologies: while both of them very much have the group’s best interests at heart, they completely disagree when it comes to whether it’s worth it to cooperate as a team or not.

By the end of the game, Ouma is extremely paranoid, refusing to cooperate with absolutely anyone unless it’s out of some mixture of chance and necessity (such as working with Momota in chapter 5). He keeps all his cards close to the chest, and refuses to confide in or trust any of his remaining classmates, believing it’s fully possible any of them could be the ringleader.

But before the events of chapter 4, we see that he’s actually not opposed to the idea of selective cooperation. He strikes up a tentative collaboration with Miu early on, commissioning her to create some extremely useful inventions with the intent of using them to try and end the killing game. He also extends an invitation of cooperation to both Kaede (in one of her FTEs) and Saihara (in chapter 4, in the parlor of the VR world), though he goes about this in such a sly, underhanded, and off-putting way that both of them shoot his offer down flat. Even he’s not beyond the idea of teaming up with people he perceives as “useful” or “smart,” as long as it’s a much smaller, one-on-one effort rather than trusting or working with the entire group.

By contrast, Kaede is someone who believes that group unity is almost a necessity if they want to escape the killing game. This is very much in line with the role she establishes for herself as a leader. Unlike characters like Momota, who has always sort of longed to embrace a “hero” role, or Saihara, who is considerably more awkward and unwilling to be a leader because of how guilty he feels, Kaede’s role is much more about boosting and maintaining the group’s morale.

This is lampshaded several times by the classical music pieces that she references, often in an attempt to either clam the others down or fire them up at the idea of working together and escaping. It’s also a fantastic little clue that her own positive outlook is something a bit more crafted than it seems on the surface; she always tries to be optimistic about things and face her problems head-on, but that’s in large part because she tries to energize herself and present that reliable, dependable persona to the rest of the group. In short, she believes that if she reveals her own uncertainty or lack of faith in her plans, the rest of the group’s trust and morale will fall too.

Like I mentioned, this difference in their outlook is really what begins to cause problems for them once they discover the death road of despair in chapter 1. Kaede sees the tunnel as their one opportunity to escape without having to rely on the killing game itself; even if it’s extremely difficult and damn near impossible to get through it, the chance of injury is a risk she’s willing to take, no matter how many times they have to start over. But Ouma disagrees with this mindset and criticizes her in front of the entire group, pointing out how everyone else is already exhausted and even injured, and saying that she has no right to make that decision for the rest of them.

He even goes a step further and accuses her of strong-arming the rest of them by “denying them the right to give up in an impossible situation.” He claims that by positing herself as an inspirational figure, she has the “moral high-ground” no matter what the rest of them do or say, and clearly doesn’t think it’s possible for them to continue down the death road without someone getting seriously injured, or worse.

These harsh words really take Kaede aback, especially since most of the rest of the group seems to more or less agree with Ouma. She’s extremely hurt—not just by the fact that no one seems to really want to keep going with her plan, but also, I think, because she felt as if Ouma was right on some level. In my opinion, this is why she cries once she’s alone in her room later: because she did feel as though she’d forced everyone else to go along with an unreasonable plan. It’s the first time that we really see the cracks in her leader persona beginning to show, as well as the self-doubt that she carries.

I honestly think many people who dislike Ouma on their first playthrough of the game may have started here, right at this moment. Because so much of this seems to be fairly black-or-white initially—Kaede is presented as the unequivocally good heroine, trying to get everyone to work together and escape, and Ouma by contrast seems mean and unreasonable for arguing with her in front of everyone. We’re not supposed to linger on the fact that he makes several good points about everyone else’s safety and exhaustion because how he goes about it is off-putting and unlikable.

Not only that, but we as first-time players aren’t supposed to know about all the similarities that Ouma and Kaede actually have in common, despite their differences on the matter of group cooperation. We’re not supposed to know just yet that they both want to save the group, no matter what it takes, or that both of them are willing to go to extreme, sometimes morally grey measures in order to try and stop the killing game. We’re not supposed to know right away that Ouma can be every bit as self-sacrificing as Kaede, despite the selfish things that he says in front of the others, or that when push comes to shove, Kaede is willing to lie almost as much as he is.

We don’t know any of that, initially—which is why that scene hits so hard and sets Ouma up to be so unpleasant. But I think going back on a replay and evaluating it again is pretty interesting specifically because of all these similarities that I’ve listed. The fact that they clash here is especially interesting, given the sort of roles they embody to the rest of the group, with Kaede deliberately choosing to be someone that the entire group relies on and finds trustworthy, while Ouma later sets himself up to become a villain who’s hated by everyone. And despite this, their goals are largely one and the same: expose the ringleader and end the killing game.

I think it’s specifically because Kaede realized she couldn’t continue pushing everyone to do the things she wanted them to, no matter how badly she wanted everyone to cooperate and escape together, and that’s ultimately why she turns to Plan B when she hears from Saihara about the bookshelf hiding the ringleader’s lair in the library. And for all that she does want to trust and cooperate with everyone else, she actually goes about this plan in the most Ouma-like way possible: by doing everything herself and without telling anyone her real intentions, not even Saihara.

Something I especially like about Kaede as a character is just how nuanced she is. Because she is simultaneously the brave, trustworthy, outgoing protagonist that we see her as, but she’s also so, so much more than that. She’s fiercely determined and cares about everyone else, yes, but it’s also because she cares so much that she’s willing to do things like lie and attempt murder behind everyone else’s back.

If we look at the audition videos as any sort of clue as to what the characters might’ve been like before the start of the game, I do think there was a somewhat more skeptical, cynical side of Kaede deep down that didn’t quite trust other people—and that’s all the more reason she wanted to trust them and work together with all of them, because she knew exactly how hard it was to do so. It’s such an interesting contrast from Ouma, who could easily have used all his lies and charm to cooperate with people if he wanted to, but who instead continually pushes people away because of his skepticism, all the while pretending to act completely arrogant and self-assured in his plans. Deep down, I think both of them were much more vulnerable than they were ever willing to show in front of other people.

And I think by the end of chapter 1, Ouma became more or less aware of that side of Kaede, once she confesses everything she tried to do to end the killing game. Prior to this, I personally think Ouma still very much liked and respected her guts and her attempts at leading the group, but that he ultimately thought she was doomed by her reliance on trust and cooperation when they didn’t even know who the ringleader was within their group. But I think that after hearing just how far she was willing to go to stop the killing game, including but not limited to lying to everyone else and going behind their backs with her own plan, he couldn’t help but respect her even more. Despite his accusations that she was too soft or naïve for trusting everyone else, her actual attempted solution was far closer to his own outlook than he initially gave her credit for.

This is why, just before Kaede is about to be executed, Ouma drops all of his usual acts and facades with her and gives her a sincere goodbye, telling her that she “wasn’t boring.” And this is really the highest compliment someone like Ouma can give: she did take him by surprise and surpass all his expectations from her, and I do believe he was genuinely sad to see her go when she attempted such a huge sacrifice for everyone else’s sakes.

Truly, the only part of her plan that I think he disagreed with was the act of (attempted) murder in and of itself. He felt that despite her good intentions, she had “crossed a line” that shouldn’t be crossed, and that she fell into the ringleader’s trap the moment the idea of murder crossed her mind. Considering how much DICE’s “no murder” taboo guided Ouma throughout the game, it’s not surprising at all that this is where he disagreed with Kaede. Though ironically, he himself crosses the same line in chapter 4 when he decides the only possible solution to Miu’s attempt on his life is to kill her himself, and therefore winds up getting his hands dirty without ever directly committing murder, much like Kaede herself.

Questioning how they might’ve gotten along if Kaede had actually lived past chapter 1 and continued being the game’s protagonist is interesting, mainly because so many factors would change as a result. Kaede and Saihara are so fundamentally different as protagonists, and Kaede herself is much more in line with what we would expect from a Hope’s Peak protagonist instead. Kodaka himself has described her in an interview as being extremely similar to Asahina, and I personally think she’s something of a combination between Asahina’s outgoing attitude and Maizono’s carefully crafted façade (not to mention moral ambiguity). So it stands to reason that the game and its themes wouldn’t quite be the same if Kaede were still the protagonist.

On the one hand, I do think there would be interesting potential for a possible alliance between her and Ouma, especially given how similar they could both be. Ouma himself proposes such an alliance to her in one of his FTEs, though she does get angry and shoots him down, as I mentioned earlier. But it’s interesting to consider if Kaede might’ve been more willing to cooperate in smaller, one-on-one alliances if she had attempted her plan in chapter 1 and failed without getting executed for it.

There’s also the fact that Ouma claims to remember her and everyone else adamantly in his FTEs with her, even going so far as to claim that she and everyone else forgot about him, even though he never forgot about them. It’s unclear whether he’s referring to his memories from before the game still being intact (which is likely, since he’s pretty skeptical of the flashback lights right away), or if there’s some other explanation for it, but personally, I don’t think it can be dismissed as a complete lie. Even if Kaede herself accuses him of lying and making it all up, he goes uncharacteristically blank and claims that “even he’s not that good at lying.”

This adds huge potential to Kaede sticking around, as there could easily be an underlying mystery element. In addition to the trials themselves and the mystery of the outside world, it’d be very possible to explore their dynamic further, as well as why Ouma said the things he did and if he was actually telling the truth about knowing her and everyone else from before. Kaede is absolutely persistent enough that I feel like she would’ve pressed him for details about this, especially once it became clear in the main plot that their memories were unreliable.

On the other hand, it’s really unclear if Ouma would’ve still been willing to offer that alliance to Kaede once she had attempted to commit murder. Assuming the events of chapter 1 stay more or less the same and the only difference is that Kaede survives instead of getting executed, this raises some potential problems with Ouma actually working together with her or trusting her. She did, as he puts it, “cross the line”—even if her murder attempt wasn’t successful, Ouma claims that she was already too far gone the moment she even considered murder as a possible solution. This could definitely cause another clash of opinions between them, especially as Ouma is much too paranoid to work directly with anyone who he thinks might kill him.

Another potential source of conflict in my opinion is the Hope’s Peak flashback light in chapter 5. Unlike Saihara, who deals primarily with questions of “truth or lies” and is ultimately able to see through Tsumugi’s false ultimatum in chapter 6 with the choice of either the “hope ending” or “despair ending,” Kaede is, as I mentioned, much more in line with what you’d expect from a Hope’s Peak protagonist. She’s extremely smart of course, but she has a bit of a reckless, headstrong streak where she tends to act based on emotion rather than reason, and this could get her into quite a lot of trouble once Tsumugi started rewriting everyone’s memories in chapter 5.

Saihara was able to see that both of the choices Tsumugi presented in the final trial were bullshit and would ultimately keep the cycle of Danganronpa ongoing, but I’m not entirely sure if Kaede would realize the same thing, or even if she did eventually realize it, I’m not sure it would’ve been in time to stop it. Because of her self-sacrificing nature, I personally think she would’ve chosen to be one of the sacrifices for the sake of “hope,” much like Amami presumably did in season 52. This ultimately means that Kaede sticking around might have ultimately led to a “bad end” of sorts, where even if the rest of the group went free aside from her and one other sacrifice, Danganronpa itself never gets dismantled and lives to see another season.

The only possible way I see for Kaede to avoid falling into this trap and making this choice is if enough of her classmates rubbed off on her or helped her see things in less black-or-white terms like “hope” or “despair,” and in more nuanced shades of grey instead. But considering how completely fooled almost everyone was in the actual events of the game, it’s difficult to say if this would happen. She would definitely need to talk and debate with someone who viewed the flashback lights a lot more skeptically, whether it was Saihara or Ouma (or maybe even Angie), before she could reach the truth about what Tsumugi and Team Danganronpa were really after.

This analysis has gotten pretty long by this point, so I’ll just wrap things up by saying that I really do love Kaede and Ouma’s friendship, and I think they had more potential of getting along than either of them might’ve realized in canon. Despite their fundamental differences, both of them were two characters who went farther than almost anyone else in trying to stop the killing game, and both of them weren’t afraid of getting their hands dirty if necessary. I think the fact that Ouma claims to remember Kaede and everyone else from before the killing game is super interesting, and I would’ve absolutely loved to see it touched on more if Ouma had lived longer.

All in all, Kaede is such an amazing, morally grey character who really helps to establish what we can expect from the rest of the game, and I think that’s part of what makes her so memorable. Maybe one day we’ll get some sort of DR:IF equivalent where we get a semi-canon look into a scenario where everyone lives, and hopefully there we could see not only more of Kaede being a protagonist figure, but also more of her interactions with Ouma and everyone else.

[kuiperblog]

Deathloop sure is a video game

Every October, there's pop-up entertainment venues like "haunted houses" (or other haunted attractions) that attempt to artificially recreate the motifs common in horror movies, complete with live actors who are dressed as vampires or zombies or serial killers or whatever who leap out and scare the guests who squeal in delight, if only because it gives them an excuse to tightly cling to their partner.  It's more exciting than going to a horror movie, because it's a more tactile experience, so you're mostly just there to experience the various horror motifs without being concerned about a plot.

The thing is, there are actual horror movies that are set in haunted attractions.  And while this does make for some fun early reveals (like when the teenagers laugh at the knife-wielding man who they assume is an actor and part of the attraction, only to realize that he's actually a homicidal madman), the very idea of a horror movie set in a haunted house kind of feels like cheating.  Haunted attractions are, in a way, a simulacrum of a horror movie, which I suppose is an odd thing to say considering that haunted attractions are real and the events in horror movies are not, but I think that is the main level on which most haunted attractions are designed: a haunted attraction is a "horror movie IRL," so to then make that the setting of your horror movie “horror movie IRL but in a movie” is like a simulacrum of a simulacrum.  It’s shortcutting past the part where you would ordinarily come up with some kind of lore-based explanation for why the teenagers are hanging out in a creepy house and why there’s a demented killer or vampires or whatever who are trying to kill them.

I sort of feel this way about one of the first levels I played in Deathloop, which is a video game both in medium and form. It's a bit like Dishonored (one of Arkane's earlier titles) in the sense that the core objectives boil down to identifying an assassination target, and hunting them down in their mansion or laboratory or whatever.  The first target I assassinated was a fellow by the name of Charlie Montague, who is obsessed with games, and has populated a section of the world where you can speed-run an obstacle course to be rewarded with a gun, because this is a first-person shooter video game that is set on murder island, where everyone's favorite hobby is killing each other because they’re in a timeloop where everyone will revive the next day.  However, when I found Charlie Montague, he was in the middle of a LARP session.  This is literally how the game describes it: Charlie is hosting a game where he invites guests to participate in a game somewhat akin to a murder mystery, or maybe more like Among Us. When I arrived, Charlie announced over the loudspeaker to all of his guests that the killer monster (me) had arrived, and the objective was now for them to hunt me down.  (I, for my part, did my best to avoid the guests, but I had to gun down the entire party before finally getting to Charlie at the top floor.)

So, this is a video game level that felt very much like a video game level.  Which I don't really mean as a knock against it -- it was a fun environment, I had fun hunting down the game designer Charlie Montague and murdering his LARPing buddies, and the environment was set up in a way that made the confrontation with Charlie himself interesting, since Charlie possesses the blink power that lets him teleport across gaps and between floors.  But it kind of feels like cheating to have a video game level where the setting premise is, as explained by the game's fiction, literally a game created by a game designer (as opposed to trying to sell you on the idea that the level you're traipsing through is just some rich dude's mansion, or a military base, or whatever).  It is the video game equivalent of setting your horror movie in a haunted house attraction.

As an Arkane Studios fan (who started with 2006's Dark Messiah of Might and Magic, and counts Dishonored among my personal top 10 games of all time), I quite enjoyed Deathloop.  But it is by far the most video game video game that they've ever released.

Games like Dishonored and Prey (2017) exist in what is sometimes described as the "immersive sim" genre, where there's a big emphasis on player choice and giving the players a bunch of tools to approach objectives without giving them a prescribed route through the game.  Dishonored pushes you in the direction of being stealthy and quiet (with a "chaos" system that causes the world to become more desolate if you kill too many enemies in each level), but there are many routes through the levels -- and sometimes, you'll find your way to an objective through what feels like it isn't a prescribed "route" at all. The objectives are often quite simple -- "infiltrate, kill a dude, exfiltrate" -- but a level that could be completed in just a few minutes might take an hour to complete the first time you play it as you spend time scoping out the target, gradually getting a feel for the environment and learning which parts of the level have lots of enemies and which parts are safe and easy to stealth your way through.

The immersive sim's emphasis on carving your own way through levels leads to a phenomenon where a lot of the progression that you make is "meta" progression that exists entirely outside of your avatar -- you might spend an hour prowling around a level, and your character hasn't gotten any stronger (apart from maybe finding a few optional collectibles), but you as a player have "leveled up" to the point that you now know the level like the back of your hand, which is how you have people who spend hours exploring a level in Hitman so that they can do a perfect 5-minute speedrun of that level.

Sometimes, this sense of "meta-progression" is further emphasized by making some of the collectibles information that you as a player can store.  I remember a part in Dishonored where I found a locked safe, and I had to root around the game environment and find the code to the safe before I could come back and get the goodie inside.  But if I wanted to, I could write that number down so that on any subsequent playthrough, I could just go right to the safe and open it right away -- which feels a bit like cheating, but it's no less cheating than sprinting through a specific route through a level because I know from previous playthroughs that the path I'm taking has no guards.

Deathloop isn't quite like that: the game is filled with combinations and whatnot (in one "puzzle" I had to insert specifically-labeled tapes into a machine in a specific order), but all of these are generated randomly: you can't take that information with you across playthroughs, and you can't look the number up in a walkthrough like some older immersive sims would let you do. But Deathloop takes this meta progression and makes it actual progression: it's a time-loop story, and your character (Colt) remembers everything that he encounters across playthrough, so when you find the combination to a door, Colt will make a mental note of it (no need to bust out your pen and paper), and the next time you come to a locked door that requires that combination, you don't even have to punch in the numbers: just hold the triangle button on your Playstation controller and Colt will automatically punch in the numbers that he learned during an earlier loop.

Deathloop is full of little things like this that, on first glance, almost just feel like QoL improvements.  But there's something that feels very different about how things are done in Deathloop: in gameplay terms, it basically boils down to, "Go to this place and press square to read the password, then go to this other place and unlock the door," which is really not that different from "go to this place and press square to pick up the key, then go to this other place to unlock the door."  The "passwords" that exist throughout this game are basically just keys that Colt can store in his brain and take with him whenever you advance to the next loop.

And to be clear, that's not necessarily a *bad* thing.  In fact, immersive sims are kind of a niche genre that don't have a very big audience, so anything that helps streamline and make it more like, well, what you'd expect from a "video game," is probably going to make the game accessible to a lot more people.  And they streamline a *lot* in this game.  The game is all about planning the "perfect loop" where you manage to kill the 8 big baddies in a single day, and everything before that point is just preparing for that final loop.  Even though that seems like an abstract thing that might require you to hold a bunch of disparate information in your head, the game is actually *really* good at making it so that Colt is already mentally mapping out the game plan as you go, to the point where you can just go into the quest book, select a thread, and then just follow the waypoints.  Colt is planning for the "perfect loop" and collecting all the information he needs (including passwords, and memorizing information about how to get certain bosses to go to certain areas where they'll be vulnerable), and Colt is so good at remembering these things that the player never has to: you can play the entire game from start to finish just by traveling from waypoint to waypoint and stealthing or shooting your way past anything that stands in your way.

That is, of course, incredibly reductive.  The process of getting from point A to point B in Deathloop is fun for the same reason that getting from point A to point B is fun in any other game.  The guns feel good to shoot, the levels are interesting to navigate, and the game lets you earn the ability to take certain pieces of gear with you between loops so it always feels like there's forward progression.  But I think that there's a critical thing that's missing:

Immersive sims aren't just about getting from point A to point B.  Before you can get to point B, you have to discover where point B is.  *Where* in this mansion is the assassination target?  Better spend some time skulking around and listening to his staff gossip about his daily habits so you know which parts of the mansion he's likely to appear in.  Oh wait, I don't want to just get in the same room with this guy, I want to get myself in the same room with him *when he's not surrounded by his guards*.  How do I do that?  Better do some more snooping.  And in a sense, Deathloop *sort* of does this.  Before you can follow the waypoint objective marker to your target, you have to find out where they are.  But the "find out where they are" is often, "follow this *other* waypoint objective marker to find the slip of paper that tells you where they're going to be, at which point you can follow the waypoint objective marker to their exact location!"

And to be fair to Deathloop, it's not *all* like that.  There are some times where the game sort of just points you in the right direction and leaves you to figure it out, like one dude who has hosted a masquerade party where he and his guests are all wearing the same masks, and so you have to figure out a way to ferret him out.  (Or you can just murder everyone at the party to figure it out by process of elimination -- which is actually much easier said than done, because this is murder island and everybody is packing heat, and this is an exclusive party so his guests are the type of people who carry around heavy weapons.)

Another way that Deathloop takes the "meta progression" inherent to immersive sims and makes it explicit in-game progression is by having a time loop where you can encounter and kill the same targets over and over again.  That's the kind of thing that tends to happen in immersive sims across multiple playthroughs -- Hitman doesn't *require* you to play each level multiple times, but you generally want to, because each level is filled with tons of different routes to explore and different ways to deal with each of the targets.  But that's all on the player: it's not as if in the fiction of the Hitman universe, Agent 47 is repeatedly murdering a bunch of people who magically revive so that he can kill them again, whereas in Deathloop, that is very explicitly what is happening.

The thing is, because Deathloop is kind of designed with the assumption that you'll kill each target multiple times, the first time you encounter them and blow their head off, it doesn't feel like the grand emotional climax.  In fact, in a way, it feels like the *start* of a relationship.  "Goodbye, Charlie Montague.  I hardly knew ye.  But I'm sure I'll know you better by the third time I'm leaving your LARPing session with that slab upgrade you're carrying."  I feel like that robs the kills of some of their impact, and maybe that's just inherent to what kind of game this is: in Dishonored, you feel as though over the course of a level, you get to know your target as you snoop through their quarters, overhear what their staff have to say about them, read the journals of their rivals while looking for possible weaknesses, and so on.  Because it's a stealth game, it makes sense to hide in the background and learn about their life.  Stalking a character through a level while waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike can actually feel incredibly intimate, because as  the eponymous Visible Man in Chuck Klosterman’s novel says, to truly know who someone is, you have to see them when they’re alone at home; their behavior anywhere else is just a performance.

But when I'm chasing down Charlie Montague with an SMG in one hand and a pistol in the other, the only thing I really know about him is what he's announcing over the loudspeaker.  (I don't really remember exactly what he said, but the subtext is that he's mentally unstable, and he's obsessed with games.)  And even though Charlie Montague was shouting at me what kind of person he said, I feel like I never really got to *know* him like I got to know some targets in Dishonored.  In fact, the moments when I got to know Charlie best weren't when he was yelling at my over the loudspeaker as I ran through his level as Shooty McFPS guy, but the moments when I got to read his notes or chat correspondence (which is *entirely optional*, because even if I don't learn the relevant facts from Charlie Montague's notes, Cole will -- and he'll verbally narrate the cliffsnotes version of them as I'm headed to the next objective)

Despite feeling like a clear descendant of Arkane’s earlier titles, Deathloop feels neither "immersive" nor "sim."  It's constantly doing things that remind me that I'm playing a video game -- which, to be clear, is not a bad thing!  It’s fun to be Shooty McFPS guy without worrying about hiding guards bodies or making noise. More than any other Arkane Studios game, it does everything it can to minimize player frustration, whether that means feeling lost, or feeling like you're not making forward progress, or feeling like your progress is being gated by a huge spike in difficulty.

Dishonored is a game that rewards patience.  This is one of my favorite things about it, but the fact that it rewards patience so generously means that it also *asks* patience of the player in order to get its best moments, which means that some players will never experience them.  Deathloop asks very little from the player.  Deathloop is a very "even" and "smooth" experience, but that's both for better and for worse.  The lows aren't as low, but the highs aren't nearly as high. Deathloop is a good game.  And it will probably be a "good game" to a greater number of people than Arkane's previous titles, but it didn’t have nearly the same impact on me.

Anyway, more than anything, my time with Deathloop has convinced that I should go back and play Prey (2017).