#and so now im at 2 months of not having literally any numbers about the efficiency of our manufacturing

[terrorbirb]

Guess who doesn't have to report variance and efficiency numbers for manufacturing!!!🎉🎉🎉

[drysauce]

another evening another instance of me helping other people instead of doing stuff i have to do for tomorrow hhhh

[yo9urt]

today i return to the sea

[elliesluckycharm]

don't text me, ex ellie williams one shot

sinopse: you and ellie broke up due to her commitment issues and you've been non contact until she calls.

cw: lowercase intended, swearing and alcohol use and "drunk"? sex, semi public sex, not explicit if reader is fem or masc. use of nicknames like babe and my love.

wc: 2,9k

nsfw/smut: ellie bottoms. tit play (r receiving), clit stim and pinching (e receiving), fingering (e receiving), cum eating (r)... i think thats it?

a/n: okay uh im gonna kms bc this was meant for @breathinlove but alright.

you and ellie had broken up a few months ago. you have been no contact ever since, you blocked her everywhere except her number. you told her not to contact you if she didn't need anything.

but she'd called today.

you were in bed with your best friend kamala, she noticed you suddenly sitting up.

“what?” she touches your shoulder as you look at the screen. “ellie? don't pick up, y/n” she looks at the phone over your shoulder.

“i told her to only contact me if she needs anything…” you sigh, but the phone stops ringing and you bite your lip as you look at kamala, worried expression.

“hey, if she actually needs anything she'll either call again or text.” she pats your shoulder and you nod.

ellie doesn't call again, but you get a text.

«sorry about that, hope ur okay»

“um, i guess she didn't mean to call.” you roll your eyes after texting her back with a «don't worry, hope ur okay 2», which she saw and reacted with hearts.

“girl, yes she did, she let that thing ring for ages.” kamala scoffed.

“whatever kami, let's just forget about that. she's literally with cat.”

“it's insane that she broke up with you because she ‘couldn't be in a relationship’ and ‘felt trapped’ and now she's with cat.”

“i know but well, she just couldn't be in our relationship i guess.” you chuckle and hug kamala. “why are we still talking about this shit…?”

and then you drop this subject, and it was true… ellie broke up with you along those lines. she had met you at your house and held your hand, kissed your forehead before leaving. now, she has been going out with cat. you hadn't completely moved on but what's over it's over, you didn't want any messiness.

weeks pass by, you usually see ellie at college, you both curl your lips in an awkward smile. you do it out of respect but it hurts to act like you were never close.

today wasn't any different, film class and you're sat at the back. she got in late, she sat down at the front. you noticed her and followed her with your eyes but you didn't expect her to look around to the back of the class.

you lock eyes and she stares a little before turning back, you feel uneasy. class passed by and you don't interact in any way and you decide to talk to her after class.

she gets ready to leave and you run down the classes stairs to catch her.

“ellie.” you call out reaching for her shoulder but she turns around to face you before you can.

her green eyes pierce through yours, you hadn't seen those freckles from so close in months. you blink a few times in a roll.

“um… yeah? sorry i called.” her voice is raspy and she looks awkward, as if you don't know each other.

“you let the phone ring.” you mumble, her eyebrows almost touch as she looks confused.

“yes? i'm sorry.” she takes a step back as you do the same.

“so you meant to call. it wasn't a mistake?” you ask, you sound calmer.

“yeah, i did… but i know i shouldn't have, you did the right thing by not picking up.” she looks at your lips for a second before you curl them up in a sympathetic smile.

“i was going to. thought you might have needed something.” you hold your own shoulder. “you okay?”

“no, yeah… i'm okay i was just… i don't know.” she rambles awkwardly and you chuckle. “are… you okay?”

it felt weird talking to her, but she was still the same. she toyed with her fingers nervously as she always did.

“yeah, i am.” you breathed out before straightening your back. “what did you wanna say?”

“that, i've… been” she chokes on her words, you examine ber face, letting her speak. “thinking ‘bout you.” now it's your turn to internally choke.

“you don't need to tell me that.” you bite your lip as you start walking down the starts and she does the same as everyone's leaving the classroom.

she lowers her head to face her feet as she thinks of what to say but all she says is “i know.” you turn to face her after you leave the classroom.

“i'll see you” you say, she nods and leaves as you walk towards the bathroom.

your eyes water as soon as you enter the bathroom, you let out the breath you had been involuntarily holding. you decided this meant no contact was as rough as her as on you, even worse since she decided to call you at 3pm on a random saturday. but it didn't mean anything other than that, it's hard not to talk to someone you used to talk all the time and you understood that.

when you're walking to your next class you see cat running towards ellie and jesse. she kisses both of their cheeks and you wave to them, mostly jesse, who gives you a sympathetic look and waves back. cat doesn't see you until ellie raises her hand, cat waves at you then.

you and cat were neighbors during all your childhood, she was really nice, artistic, down to earth but still had a bubbly personality. you honestly liked her, which hurt.

kamala had texted you about this party next saturday at dina's, her cousin who ‘happened’ to be jesse's long term girlfriend and ellie's best friend. you, dina and kamala had been friends since the start of college and your breakup with ellie wouldn't change that.

ellie would obviously be there, so you decided to give it more than one thought. you didn't want to see her if it made you feel so small, but you couldn't stop doing what you usually do just to avoid her.

so you decided to go. you hadn't talked to dina that much about ellie to be honest, you didn't want this to become something where people had sides to take.

you and kamala go to the party a little later than supposed, the party was already crowded. you find dina and walk up to her to hug her.

“hey dina! nice party.” you hug her excitedly and she chuckles as she pats your back.

“it's a generic one, thanks though baby” she looks at you up and down as you back away. “you look good, girl.”

“you look hot, dee.” you smile wide and she gives you a gentle push towards her drink table. “go grab a drink, you too kamala!” she calls her cousin out.

kamala starts grabbing a drink but your eyes land on ellie, who was at the corner of the room. she saw you and stepped away from the wall she was leaning on.

“is ellie here with cat?” you ask dina as ellie walks up to you. dina nods no. “really?”

“yeah, they went out a few times but ellie said they were better off as friends…its been a while already” she shrugs.

“i see.” you tense up as ellie gets closer. “hey ellie.”

“what's up?” she smiles as she nodded at dina.

“nothing…” you shrug, your lower lip between your teeth and she clicks her tongue, staring you down.

“yeah umm, can we… maybe talk? i mean, i will text you?” she asks in a lower tone, you look around for nothing.

“sure, we can. what about?” dina had leave your side, and you were left alone with her and some strangers next to the wall.

“me. i miss you.” she breathes out and you squint your eyes. “i do. can we please talk?”

“didn't you feel trapped with me? in our relationship?” you scratch your forearm. she takes your hand off it and you look up at her.

“no, i felt trapped but it wasn't you who trapped me. you never limited me. i just wanted to get out a bit, try new things maybe.” you scoff and snap your hand from hers.

“you needed a break from me? to try out new things? like what…? cat?” you sound annoyed by all this now and she's quick to argue.

“no…no, y/n. i thought i did but… i still miss you alright? and cat… i thought could move on to something but i didn't”

“ellie, i'm sorry but… you can still move on. i'm… sorry it didn't work out with cat? but that has nothing to do with me.” you try to call down as she gulps and looks to the side.

“i'm sorry.” she mutters, she sounds embarrassed but she nods. “you're right. i can move on, i don't want to.”

“ellie, this is not the place for this but… yeah we can talk, i can text you.” you sigh and she nods.

“alright, text me when you can.” you nod and leave to find kamala.

you tell her about it and she says ellie is embarrassing herself and you can only say you feel bad but also annoyed by this behavior. you see ellie a few times during the party and you just smile at each other.

you definitely still love ellie, you do wish you had never broken up but it was her who did this and you didn't feel like you could get back together just like that. you'd let her say what she had to say, you respected her, but you didn't think this would end up in rekindling things.

you were dancing with kamala, a little drunk already, when you felt a little hot. you went into the kitchen to grab water. ellie was there, her hand on her forehead.

“hey…” she looks up, recognizing your shoes. she looked a little drunk herself, cheeks flushed. “are you okay?” she saw you stumble.

“yeah i'm fine actually, i have been drinking though, came for a water bottle.” you chuckle and she nods a little as she holds her own head. “who's driving you home?”

“ugh… actually… no one” she chuckles back and shoot her an worried look. “hey, don't worry i'll wait until i sober up a little, i know it was dumb but it's okay.”

“yeah… you better… drink some water maybe.” you walk up to her with another water bottle, she takes it and mumbles a ‘thank you’.

“i feel like the floor's kinda moving.” she looks up to you now.

“you're just light headed. and a lightweight.” you chuckle as you get closer to her.

“yeah right…” she laughs and looks at your lips as you get closer. “you smell nice.” she takes a huge sip out the water and grabs your hand pulling you closer, you let her.

“thank you, you look real good.” your drunken self speaks and she leans on your shoulder, you feel her breath against your neck, making your breath heavier.

“you've such pretty lips.” she mumbles as she lifts her head back up and her lips ghosts against yours. she holds you closer as you hold her arms.

your alcohol breaths fan eachother's lips and faces, you hands fall on her torso and she grabs your hips.

“i wanna kiss you.” you drop your face on the crook of her neck and you sigh. she puts her water bottle down on the marble you were both leaned against only to cup your face, making you face her again.

“you know i'll kiss you back.” and you kiss her, liquor tasting kiss as your tongue pass through her lips.

she moans when you do, holding you so close your leg ends in the middle of hers. you're now running your hand up and down her torso and hip. her arms wrapped around you.

“needed this.” she groans and your grab her hair tightly.

“i need you.” you reply, kissing her deeply. she moans again, her hand finds your thigh and she lifts it.

“have me” she whispers in your ear. she's thrusting her hips as he holds your leg up by your thigh.

you make out feverishly, kisses your neck and you start panting and she grins against your neck. you felt your panties damp.

“bathroom?” you suggest as she starts shamelessly grinding her clothed pussy on your thigh. she nods frantically mumbling ‘please's as she lets go of your thigh and grabs your hand.

she pushes your body with her own, grabbing your waist to turn you around, her crotch against your ass as she walks you to the bathroom.

“don't trip, babe.” she jokes and kisses your neck.

“make sure you don't either, my love.” you giggle and now she's next to you. you look at eachother.

her cheeks are flushed pink and you smile at her, she opens the bathroom door and you get in. she kisses you now, grabbing your ass.

“i want you so bad, y/n. please.” she kisses your neck and you push her back. “what?”

“block the door.” you kiss her as her back hits the door, her hand is running up and down your back and around your hips. “missed you so fucking much.” you nibble her neck and she moans.

“i missed you, this. i need you right now” her hands go up your shirt and she sounds needy as fuck, grinding poorly on your hips. your hands find her stomach. “it's been too fucking long.”

you can feel your clit throb as she talks to you. you suck her earlobe and she grinds even more.

“so eager…” she pinches your nipple when you tease her, you whine out and she kisses you again.

“take this off, babe.” she says, tugging your shirt and you do what she tells you to. she goes in on your tits immediately. “yeah? you like that?” she asks as she nibbles the skin before sucking your nipple.

you moan and whimper holding her hair, she only stops when she feels your fingers tugging her belt.

“let me touch you.” you ask, she quickly unlatches her belt and you unzip her pants.

“i can't do this anymore…” she tilts her head back and you give her what she wants, tugging her jeans down.

you cup her pussy over her boxers and she moans, head hitting your shoulder.

“wet and warm, huh?” you whisper and she starts kissing you again. groping your tits with one hand and the other on your back.

your fingers ghost her slit, but you start caressing her inner thigh and hips, opening her legs. she grunts and starts trying to grind her pussy on your hand, which makes you press her hips against the door.

“stay still, now, alright? i'll get to it… promise.” you mumble, enjoying her body and how eager she was.

she nods, now grabbing your ass and thighs. you kiss her cheek and tug her panties to the side

“good girl” she grunts when your fingers run over her sticky slit. she was soaked in her slick.

you tease her clit and entrance with your fingertips, she moans and tried to grind against you.

“fuck, be quick with it.” she grunts and you frown. “please.” you slide two fingers into her pussy when she pleads. she gasps and grips your hair, taking your lips in a sloppy kiss.

she grinds her clit against your hand as you thrust your fingers in and out at the perfect pace she never stopped thinking about.

“more.” she moans between kisses.

“more what?” you start rubbing her clit with your other hand. “this?” she moans and nods.

“yeah… thanks.” you chuckle as she thanks you, kissing her neck again.

you look up at her eyes closed and cheeks flushed pink, her hands moving from your back to your shoulders. you speed up as you look at her.

you get the vision you wanted, her closed eyes squint, broken pants leave her open lips… you moan at the sight and the feeling of her wet pussy clenching around your fingers and her legs shaking, threatening to close around your hand.

“oh… you feel so good ellie, fuck.” you pinch her clit and she moans louder “yeah, keep those legs open for me.”

she cries out as she nods, her pussy clenching hard when you moan seeing her cry.

“please i'm so close.” she grunts through gritted teeth. “don't stop.”

“relax, you're so tight…” her stomach tenses and she relaxes and you reach deeper. “god…” you moan.

she moans non stop and her legs shake even more as she cums all over your fingers. you fuck her slowly as she comes down from her orgasm, hand leaving her clit.

you're both panting and she holds you by your back as you take your fingers out of her pussy only to look down and see her creamy cum on your fingertips and around her entrance. your pussy throbs at the sight.

you weakly get on your knees, sucking her cum off your fingers to lick the cum on her pussy. she grips your shoulders.

“you're so good to me.” she mumbles as you get up, tugging her boxers and pants up.

[2024skin]

I'm actually kind of peeved about this like he just seriously asked me to spend thousands of dollars on a whim. I don't even have a passport or a birth certificate

bf messages me out of nowhere to be like "we should go to Asia this year" boy you can't even commit to a phone call

[munsster]

kurt kunkle and his bimbo girlfriend

A/N: this week has literally forced me to be obsessed with this greasy little slasher (soooooo my inbox is surely open!) (gif creds: @stevesnailbat)

Pairing: Kurt Kunkle x Fem!Bimbo!Reader

Warnings: Spree (2020) related content, kurt kunkle, smut/suggestive themes, MDNI, slasher themes (blood, gore, murder, ghostface), pet names (baby, slasher), cam/stream sex

im sorry but gamer bf x bimbo gf trope is actually flooring me rn

he’s just this greasy little streamer you started watching and you’re this total babe who’s obsessed with him

and you are really obsessed with him

you are literally his Number one fan

if kurt kunkle has 100 fans, youre one of them. if kurt kunkle has 1 fan, its you. if kurt kunkle has no fans, you’re dead.

you plugging kurtsworld96 at any given chance, like he’s so confused the first time he hears you do it, but then he gets so happy and just pulls you in

you being the first one to be super excited about his amount of viewers/followers

a celebratory kiss for ur streamer bf 🥰

also getting really worried when he seems to be in a little bit of trouble (ie cops in the background yikes)

him always reassuring you that he’s fine and he’ll figure it out

you dont know it but he’ll do anything you say, even if it meant turning off his stream for the night

you literally suggested doing cam stuff together before chat suggested it, but now chat is like obsessed with that because theyre a bunch of pervs

you treating chat like a sassy lil mama (“ew! behave yourselves” “ask nicely” “‘put it in her ass’ oh cmon, you know better” “shhh, quit being bratty, thats not how good little viewers get what they want, now is it?”)

youre such a lil price gouger, youre like “okay if someone sends in $50, i’ll let you guys watch us” and chat loves you so obviously they end up doing that

kurt really really loves you, plus you do wonders for his numbers. viewers basically double when he even mentions you

“‘kill your gf’ pfft yeah right, i know all his tricks, i’d like to see him try!” and you’re like in his lap and grinning and he just grins at you and when you turn to face him, he lands a big ol smooch on you

even after months of being together, he still gets nervous around you

and you always tell him to “relax, baby, it’s just me” all while he’s literally buzzing in your presence

he probably likes his hair pulled tbh

like even when you just run your fingers through his hair, he’s purring, he’s so slutty for it

asking him to do skincare/haircare with you as an excuse to take showers together 😝

like of course he’s gonna do it 1) because he loves you and 2) because afterwards, he smells like a candy store

you picking out his outfits because what he wears now is actually a cry for help

no because he would actually let you treat him like a dress up doll

you being really excited about it and telling him to do GRWM and OOTD segments on his streams (which are completely led + narrated by you, but he doesn’t need to know that)

him teaching you how to play video games (even though you already kinda know, you let him have his moment)

you designing the clickbait thumbnails for all of his youtube videos and they’re definitely all sparkly and pink and cute

you begging him to come with you to get your nails done, telling him he doesn’t have to get his nails done, you just want him to go with you

but of course, you convince him to get his nails done (just a basic polish *cough cough* in literally neon green, his choice) and he flaunts it to stream

he definitely makes fun of bobby like “my girlfriend is literally so hot. where’s yours? oh wait……”

and you HATE bobby

you think he’s a bad friend to kurt, but you’d never tell him that. you just scheme like “noooo baby, hang out with me, not bobby” and he’s like okay 🥰

also him being a little protective and possessive over you

like when other attractive people glance at you, he’ll grab your hand or put his arm around you or ask for a little kiss (all of which you do happily)

i love yous are thrown around like none other, and it makes him blush everytime. even when youre just tuning in, if he gets that “i love you, slasher” message, he’ll go red as a tomato

oh that reminds me: youre favorite movies being slasher films like scream and scary movie and american psycho, and he’s not stupid so he definitely senses the theme there

bonus: he definitely buys one of those ghostface masks just to surprise you (and get into your pants)

you offering to help clean his car after particularly gory kills (and he knows ur really good with aesthetics and detail work)

also you cleaning him up after particularly gory kills 🥺

like he’ll come home with blood streaked down his face, and you’re like “aw baby 😟 c’mere”

he LOVES it, he feels like a little puppy dog around you because you take care of him so well

you are all about sneak attack kisses, and he never knows what to do with them, he just sits there and smiles while you hold his face and pecks his lips

bro eventually, he’ll start laying the rizz down on you (and he’s not very good at it but) its so sweet that he’s genuinely trying and happy

like he’ll just spit pick-up line after pick-up line whenever you’re around, and you just giggle and kiss him on the cheek

you don’t even have to ask and he’ll buy you cute clothes. not that he’s insanely rich or like raking it in, but he makes enough, and he will spend money on something nice for you before he buys something for himself

him begging to drive you anywhere and anywhere even though your car works perfectly fine, he just wants to do things for you

also him begging to rig your car with cameras, too, just so when he does have to be in your car, he can still stream

ummm bonus: he definitely sets up a camera above his bed so like not only can he do sleeping streams, but…. you know…… angles 😌

you bringing him snacks and drinks during his stream and he gets the biggest googly eyes

you’ll just walk in in like the skimpiest little outfits, grinning and winking at the camera before giving kurtie a sloppy kiss

yall he’s so fucking dumb (in a loving way), but you’ll get into the car in like the most revealing and tight top and he’ll get all nervous and try to angle the cameras like ‘yall seeing this???’ all while smirking to himself

him accidentally referring to you as his wife on multiple occasions while streaming

letting you put your songs in the queue every so often

bonus: after hearing you play it literally once, his new favorite song is ‘stars are blind’ by paris hilton. that shit bangs and he knows it

him making you a playlist of all his songs (and he actually falls in love when you mention the fact that you listen to it almost constantly)

he actually can’t believe you love him and you’re of fan of his work and you’re actually the cutest thing he’s ever seen (nice tits, too)

it takes a lot of convincing and proof on his part that you truly love him, but you’re not shy about showing it and you’ll prove it to him anytime he needs

masterlist

[thequibblah]

wip tag!

i'm here at last! but in my defence, i couldn't spoil a surprise chapter drop through this post, right? ty for the tag @oyprongs @mipwrites @possessingtheproperspirit @emeralddoeadeer @isahorcrux (oh dear)

List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing

Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!

Then tag 10 writer friends! (so sorry i will not be doing this. so sorry)

we are about to use an incredibly flexible definition of "wip"...

TITLES

come together ch. 53 — sickening number by the way. too high. this fic is too long

save me a place — IF i'm even working on it, it might be a sequel to a certain author favourite

unbecoming: a love story — whatever. prequel spinoff whatever if im doing it

untitled modern AU — i think i had a title for this one but i forgot it maybe. it'll come back to me. anyway i'll keep lily's role in it top secret but it is musician james i fear he's a bassist i fear he's launching his solo career

THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO

susan dennard calls these magical cookies btw that is how i've always thought of them :~)

chiefly, what happened on friday january 13th 1978? but there are a lot of consequences of 52 that will hit the characters like bricks, which i'm overjoyed to write — some of which have been in the works for 2 years, some of which i made up last month!!!! which is nuts if you think about it!! if i had written 52 in 2022 as i meant to, at least two arcs as of now would literally not have happened!

the first line being "It ends with a flash of green light."

i am very excited to play around in the world of CT outside of the hogwarts setting (and with a mature rating...) — there are a lot of minor characters and events i've been sprinkling in there for this exact purpose

this lily feels a little bit more blunt/cynical than most of of my lilys have been because she's been burned before. she's really going to take no shit from james (even more than usual) and that friction will be really fun to explore. i love their childish spats but i'm also interested in writing adult versions of them who can really misunderstand and resent each other. in my head this fic is the other side of the coin to iwnma, which feels very warm and dreamy and sort of rose-coloured; this is the cold-weather 2 am rainy version of that, with the same pressures of fame and personality and art and ambition but in two characters primed to argue rather than merrily embark on an affair.

this poll is a bit cruel to options 2 through 4 i imagine but:

i'm too late to this party to tag people i think. catch you on the next tag game srry

[khaleesiofalicante]

A little advice and rant (because for some reason writing things here makes me feel better and hopefully doesn't, in-turn makes your mood somber)

Do you have days when you feel unproductive? What do you do?

This feels embarrassing to admit but I used to be one of those kids who got full marks in school and like the first year in college and now I can feel all that slipping away. I constantly feel like my parents are always disappointed in me. If they call me out, I lash out at them. The fact that I'm writing this is idk humiliating me, but I can't just keep it inside me anymore. Now I feel like I was never smart, I was just really good at faking it and now I'm not? I'm tired of faking it... what scares me is how i have started excepting what I am. It just terrifies me sometimes seeing what I have become. I feel angry when I tell this to a friend and they tell me oh ur smart ul make it and I just wanna scream at them like NO CANT YOU SEE IT IM NOT.

I'm glad you can come talk to me about stuff. I've always liked being someone people can talk to.

I do have days that I feel unproductive, but what you're describing sounds like a phase (for the lack of a better word).

As someone who was also the straight-A student in school, I always felt like school was... easier. College is something that is genuinely difficult in terms of the content we learn, the way we learn, the way we are taught, and our peers too. So, firstly, don't be too hard on yourself if you're struggling in college because it's supposed to be a little difficult.

Secondly, college gets harder every year—quite literally. So I think comparing yourself to your grades (or the amount of energy you had) during your first year to now is unfair to you. We don't have infinite amounts of energy and fucks to give. We do have finite amounts of passion for sure. These things get drained slowly, especially as we grow up. So that's why it's so important to study/work on things we enjoy and are passionate about so it's a little easier for us.

As someone whose self-esteem is very much tied to their intelligence, I understand you deeply. I once had a panic attack (a bad one) in my college bathroom when I found out I got a B in a subject. I remember my mom laughing and being like, "That's it? You're so dramatic," when I felt like I was literally collapsing.

So, I get you. I understand the need to be smart. But what I have moved away from is trying to measure my smartness through my grades. Because guess what? Grades don't fucking matter when you leave school/uni. It's not how we judge ourselves or our abilities. Now once you leave school/uni. It is a ridiculous system, and we mustn't let it make us feel shit about ourselves.

Just because you are not getting the same grades you used to, it doesn't mean you're not smart anymore. You do realize you literally know more than you did 2 or 3 years ago? You know more than you did a month ago? You are literally getting smarter every day. Just because it's not reflected in your grades doesn't mean you're not smart.

The fact that your grades are slipping could be because of so many things. The exam marking styles could have changed, the teachers could've become stricter, the subject might be harder, or maybe you have more difficulty remembering details because you are older and your brain has more things to focus on now. It could be any number of things. These are all things you can work on and improve.

There are lots of ways you can do this. Consider using a new learning style. I was always someone who learned visually, and I experimented with auditory learning in uni and realized voices are actually easier to remember than visuals (especially when I got older and could focus better). You can learn with others. It's okay to think of yourself as smart, but don't ever think you're the smartest person in the room - that shit is bad for you. So if you're struggling, look at the people who are not. Ask them to help. It doesn't make you stupid or small. Asking for help is the smartest thing anyone who wants to survive can do.

These are all things you can do to "get better" and go back to those standards you have set for yourself.

But from my heart, I tell you, don't try to live up to the standards you set for yourself when you were in school. The way you judged yourself in school cannot be the same system you judge yourself as an adult. It's two completely different lives, and trying to live up to those standards will only make you feel shit about yourself.

For what it's worth, I don't think you were faking it before. People don't feel so guilty and bad about losing something they faked. If this is something you want to fix and get back to those old grades, then like I said, try new things and see what works and what doesn't. But if you don't want to try too hard, that's okay too. It's not something to be ashamed about. I think the standards we set for ourselves should be based on our current realities, not our past or our future.

I am sure you will figure this one out and will feel like yourself again. You are smart. I have faith in you. You got this.

PS - Not to condone violence, but it's impossible to feel smart when the people around you make you feel stupid, so I don't blame you for lashing out at your parents. If their lack of support is making things worse, you need to tell them. If they want you to be smart, then they better act like it too.

Love 💜

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ fondness (chapter 16)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5-6k

warnings- swearing, mentions of miscarriage, tae is sad sad, kaito is back, drinking, um i think thats all? lmk if not!

a/n- Lovies!! hi i hope ur all doing good. Im trying to write a lot more because i literally just quit my current job (they treated me like shit) after 2 months. Im applying to so many places rn but in the meantime im having fun giving my tumblr a little luv <3 also apologies for any mispellings, I had read over my previous chapters and cringed at some of the words I spelled wrong. I have been learning english for years now but apparently its still not to a 100, oh well! Anyways, please enjoy! -Nini <3

"I had my suspicions"

You blushed, eyes down on your water bottle as you sat in your childhood bed again, your mother sat comfortable at the end of it as you both talked.

You arrived back home around 2am yesterday, and to say that you already felt a little better was an understatement.

"you did?" you mumbled as your mother nodded, smiling.

"when you came to visit a while ago, I saw a lot of touchiness" she giggled "but I minded my business"

"ah this is embarrassing" your hands flew to cover your face, now knowing your own mother knew about your relationship before you could say anything.

"no, I dont think so" she hummed, looking at the carpet. "I just know when a boy is in love, i remember your father-"

you inhaled sharply at her words, biting your lip and looking away.

"-...he would always look at me like I was the center of the universe"

You stayed quite for a moment before speaking up softly, "what happened?"

She smiled sadly, "he chose a different life, and I resented him for so long, but I accept it for what it was, and now that I have..I feel like im free to live again. And thats what you need to do, accept it, accept whats happened." she whispered, calming voice infiltrating the bedroom at such a late hour of the night.

Your eyes met hers, a glimmer of love was bright enough to see through her dark brown orbs. You nodded as she began to speak again,

"Taehyung and you.....I always knew it would happen" she giggled, "I remember once you guys hit middle school, and the moment I caught you sneaking into my closet for makeup before he came over to play video games-"

"oh god, stop" you blush, shaking your head

"it was cute even if you wouldnt admit it" your mother waved her arm at you.

You hummed, crossing your arms over your chest as you got lost in thought.

"so, how is he taking everything?"

"taehyung?"

she nods, eyes burning a laser into yours.

"well...i dont know" your answer was honest as she sat up.

"what do you mean?"

You sighed once more before speaking, "he and I kinda argued before I left paris...im an asshole mom" you offered a sad laugh, looking down. "im an asshole...because, I got mad at him for trying to help"

She tilted her head, listening, "Im sure he just wanted to be there for you, he was hurting as much as you"

"i know, and thats the thing mama...but I just needed to be alone and away....and he got mad when I expressed it...its not like we are married" you roll your eyes

she giggles, "I understand my dove, but listen" she grabbed your hands, "things like this happen all the time, we cant run away from our loved ones when life gets bad. What happened between you both was terrible, and im so sorry sweetheart" she whispered, your own eyes getting a bit misty, "but running back home isnt gonna do anything"

You nodded before smiling, "I came here because its comforting, you're comforting.....now you're scolding me?" your voice had humor.

She laughed, "you are a 23 year old woman, I cant control your actions, like whether you stayed with Taehyung or came back to me, however I can tell you my opinion, and if your decision was right or wrong, not trying to guilt you, just being a mom"

You nod slowly, fidgeting with the heating pad sitting on your stomach to help ease the lasting cramps that only served as a painful reminder.

"you make your own choices hun, but...let me ask you this, do you love him?" she whispered

Your eyes shot up at her, your heart singing with sadness yet love.

"....yeah.." you whispered so quietly it was barley heard. "yeah I do" you couldnt help but begin to cry as she wrapped you into her arms.

A mothers loving embrace.

It could heal all, and this is exactly why you came back.

"You find comfort here, but as you get older, you need to find comfort in new things." your mother began, " life is scary, but its all about changing. Without change, life would be rather boring, huh?" her hands ran up and down your back as your face rested on her shoulder. "Taehyung has been here forever, youve grown together, but these new feelings? they offer new experiences,...amazing ones too. Im sure he loves you just as much, thats why he let you go..." she whispered, "but my dear, you have to fight through the darkness to find the prize, to find why you had the connection at all"

You were full on Niagara falls into your mothers sweater. Her words provided insight, but as well as pain. You shouldnt have left him behind, it was wrong, and you hoped he understood.

you realized that you were your fathers daughter, and not just in DNA. Your first instinct was to run away from your loved ones, run away from family when they would give you everything.

You were becoming your father.

And you hated how much you still loved that man even if he left you. and you hate that you take after him in such painful ways.

But most of all...you hate how you didn't even see it happening.

"shh" your mother cooed, holding you as she rocked back and forth slowly. "my child, life will settle, but you need to find your way, and if thats with him, you need to tell him"

"i know" you whispered, wiping your eyes as you clutched the tiny bear you packed.

The bear.

Fuck, you wish you didnt bring it in your suitecase.

It was the teddy bear taehyung bought the day after finding out you were pregnant, The perfectly placed initial on the middle that always made you remember he thought of you as a Kim, as well, even if you werent married.

It was a reminder he wanted you in any way he could grasp you.

As a girlfriend, a mother to his child, eventually a wife, but always....always his best friend in life.

Your mother looked down at the bear, smiling. "y/n..."

"hm?" you mumbled, leaning back as she put your hair behind your ears.

"im so sorry this happened to you" her voice was quiet again, "you would have been a beautiful mother....and if you decide to have kids in the future, thats exactly what youll be"

You nod sadly, "thank you...."

It was quiet for a moment before she spoke up again, "when I was in my twenties, your father and I decided to try and have another child..we saw how you clung to your pre-school friends and called them your sisters" she chuckled "so we thought maybe another baby would be good. Well- I got pregnant right before your 4th birthday" her voice choked softly as you watched, this being news to you.

"unfortunately I, too, had lost it" she teared up explaining the situation. "it was one of the most painful things I ever went through....but looking back at it" she smiled at you gently, rubbing your back, "im so greatful"

"grateful?" you whispered, in shock

"I had you, my little best friend whos always stuck by me even in the worse situations...you never had to fight for my attention, we were always together"

You wiped her tears as you smiled sadly, agreeing.

"and you have always been more than enough." she mumbled, "so my love, I guess the lesson here is...that once you learn to accept it and know the situation for what it is.....you'll heal"

You hugged her tightly as her words struck your chest with a great force.

She was right, whether you liked her advice or not, shes been through exactly what you have, and if she can make it out and be such a wise, resilient woman today, than you can too.

But you'll be damned if its in the steps of your father.

Later after she went to bed, you were left alone, the covers up to your neck as the tv played some old school tv show that only got airtime in the late hours of the night.

You found your hand resting on top of your stomach as you laid calmly. You had to acknowledge it to get past it. "im not pregnant anymore..." you whispered, feeling an overwhelming sadness fulfill you. Your eyes drew down to your hand as you rubbed your stomach, feeling a bit stupid at what you were doing.

taking a few deep breathes, you opened your eyes and looked up at the ceiling, "its okay to be sad....its okay to cry" you remind yourself aloud, voice quiet and shaky, "but I can heal....its not my fault" you nod, tears falling for the millionth time within the past few days.

You were exhausted, mentally and physically, but after tonight you feel like perhaps you made a breakthrough, you were proud of yourself even if it was just a baby step.

You turned over in bed to look at your phone, the time was 3:55 am, yikes.

You barley had time to register it before the lock screen caught your attention, now all you could think about is how Taehyung was feeling.

-

"why are you already back?"

"dude just give me my fish and dog so I can go" Taehyung mumbled, standing at the front of his friend Jin's apartment.

He laughed and turned away for a moment before returning with Hae swimming around in his tiny tank, the packet of food wedged underneath jins chin. "here"

Taehyung took the bowl and the food, nodding "thanks..."

"mhm" he smiled, "so wheres Y/N? The last thing you posted was a photo of her standing on the edge of some fountain, did you push her into it?" he snorted, trying to be light hearted with his friend.

"no shes just, busy I guess" he shrugged, trying to leave quickly, "wheres yeontan?"

Jin looked behind him and picked up the small dog, putting the leash on him securely before handing it to taehyung, who took it with his free hand.

"thanks for not killing my pets and taking care of them, even if it was probably Stephanie who did everything" taehyung referred to Jin's wife, who stood behind him with a wide grin of acknowledgment. "i'll see ya" he nodded before turning down the hall to leave, Yeontan leading the way on his leash.

Taehyung walked on the sidewalk, his feet finding the familiar path to his own apartment.

He left Paris a day and half after you did, only communicating with you through occasional texts that left much to the imagination when it came to how you were doing.

He unlocked the door and walked in, wincing at how messy you two left it before leaving. His hands gently put Hae down on the kitchen counter as he began to pick laundry up, tossing them into a ball and making a mental note to do a washing load this weekend.

Tae checked his phone for any sign of you, frowning when he was met with 0 notifications.

Would it be wrong to call you? he didnt know anymore, things felt awkward...you left with no closure or definitive answer on what was okay or what crossed the boundaries.

It definitely felt uneasy being alone in the apartment, he missed your loud laughing, and the good food you always made for him.

He even missed when you would force him to watch shitty reality shows with you because it meant he got to cuddle with you on the couch for a few hours.

The rumbling sound of his stomach knocked him out of his head as he turned to the kitchen. There wasnt much, other than a few now rotten bananas sitting on the counter.

His hand gripped the fridge handle as his eyes were met with an ultrasound photo hung up by a hello kitty magnet, it felt like salt was poured into his wound...his hand slid off the handle. he wasnt hungry anymore.

Beside the photo was doctors reports hung up for upcoming appointments and reminders.

This upcoming weekend was supposed to be the gender reveal. Deep down Taehyung didnt care if it was a boy or girl, but not that he'd be having neither, it felt more upsetting.

It was a reminder of something that he might never get to experience with you.

He found his way to the kitchen counter, sitting in the quiet room as yeontans tiny pitter-patter paws echoed through the apartment wood flooring.

Taehyungs eyes were drawn to hae, the tiny yellow fish swimming around in his spongebob tank, a toy pineapple placed perfectly in the center for him. For some reason he teared up.

suddenly he felt the urge to hear from you, but he felt selfish for doing so. You should be the one to reach out, right?

He didnt know anymore.

"oh hae....I miss mama" he sighed, leaning down to rest his head in his crossed arms over the table.

-

"are you gonna just sit in bed?" your mothers voice echoed into your room, the lights were off and the curtains were closed as two large blankets covered your body....it was noon.

"I'll get out soon"

She shook her head, leaning against the door frame "Hun, I need to go shopping, I need to know you are up and alive before I leave you here alone"

Reluctantly you sat up, wiping your sleepy eyes as nostalgia from high school mornings hit you.

"there she is!" your mom cheered, directing her cat to follow over to you as she turned to leave.

You smiled at it as you stretch, "hi baby" your voice cooed before turning over and unhooking your phone from the charger

2 notifications

"oh" you mumbled, quickly unlocking it and going to your texts. You wish it was Taehyung, unfortunately it wasnt...

Kaito: hey, I know this is sort of inappropriate to text you like this, I get it, but I cannot stop thinking about you. I cant stop thinking about the baby. Can we please talk about maybe getting a paternity test?

you frowned, petting the cat as she climbed into your lap

kaito: and I know btw that you dont want me to be the father figure, which is fine. Ive taken time to understand that...however i need to know if its mine, I cant live without knowing y/n. please call or text.

Oh thats just great, another person you had to break the news to.

Your mother came back down the hall, knocking on the door frame "so are you coming or not? im leaving" she smiled

"I'll stay here, thanks though mama, hows your back?"

She waved her hand in dismissal "oh im fine honey, I got my brace"

You smiled sympathetically as she turned to leave, knowing she was probably lying about the pain.

Shes always been stubborn, thats where you get it from.

After getting cleaned up a bit, you made your way outside to sit on the front deck, propping your phone up as you sit in the rocking chair. Were you really about to facetime Kaito?

....guess so...

After a few rings, you began to feel the tightness in your chest...the anticipation...the nervousness...

"hello?" his voice echoed through your ears, for some odd reason you felt like crying already.

"hey....are you at work?"

"on break" he smiled softly, eyes looking into yours through the phone screen. It felt odd to sit here on call with him, you havent done it since you both had been dating.

"so..."

He sat down, propping the phone up against a wall as he watched you, making it clear he was ready to talk. "listen, please understand this isnt me trying to make my way back into your life"

You nod, picking at the skin around your fingernails.

"I just want to know if its mine is all, I mean, I figured theres a chance it is, no? so this is warranted right? i dont want to seem pushy...."

You sigh, looking at him, "um, well I called you because I wanted to discuss everything"

"what do you mean?" his head tilted softly

"kaito, I uh, I lost the baby" you said aloud, nodding as you did so. In some way, the words left your mouth a lot easier than just a few days prior.

You were knee-deep in the healing process

"oh." was all he responded, his face appearing confused and unsure, "you lost the...baby?"

"miscarriage" you add, "it happened a few days ago, I never had the chance to tell whether it was yours or taehyungs"

He frowned, "y/n, im sorry"

"dont apologize its fine, im fine"

"god...."he ran his hands over his face, obviously deeply upset by the news.

"its okay" you assured again as he watched you for a moment,

"do you think it was mine? genuinely?" he whispered

You shrugged, eyes dragging away from the screen to look at the cars driving past the house "I dont know"

You did, you were 90% sure it was taehyungs, this was decided last night as you carefully calculated the dates between periods, and the breakup vs when you and taehyung got together.

If it was kaitos, that would have meant you were close to being 5-6 months pregnant, and at the time of the miscarriage, you were about 3-4.

regardless, it was still upsetting, and in hindsight, it didnt matter anymore especially when you had to sit and break everything down to your ex.

He sighed again, "how are you managing?" he whispered

"im good, im at my moms house right now"

"wheres taehyung?"

you scoffed slightly, even after telling him the situation he only cared about you and taehyung. "Kaito I called to inform you about the baby and the baby alone, we dont need to discuss my personal life, you dont get to know information that no longer involves you"

He sat watching you for a moment before nodding "okay....sorry?"

"thank you for being understanding during this, and all I ask is that you continue to be respectful to not only me, but taehyung"

He rolled his eyes slightly "okay"

"okay" you repeated, sitting near the phone, "well...thats all I suppose, text me if you have more to discuss on the topic, have a good shift"

with that, you hung up and couldnt help the slight smile that popped up on your face, you finally stuck up for yourself, and taehyung

It felt good.

so good that you almost called taehyung out of instinct.

would he be okay with that?

you decided against it, putting your phone away as you sat back and swayed in the rocking chair.

-

Taehyung gently creaked open the door of what used to be his bedroom, but was now reserved in the space of a future nursery.

He hadnt been in here in a while, and now as he sets his eyes on it all, he wishes he didnt walk in.

There were boxes of items you ordered online piled up in the corner, he smiled sadly and looked through them.

The crib you bought, he promised he would put it together for you, you were never good at building things, instructions or not.

The thought made him giggle softly as he looked at the other things, the vanity and picture frames. The familiar grief found its way into his chest as he went over and laid on the rug in the center of the room.

It was a lilac purple rug, you picked it out and decided the nursery will be just that color scheme, regardless if it was a girl or not. His fingers weaved through it as he began to cry, eyes scanning over the room that will forever be empty, items put to waste. The small bundle of baby toys that never get to be played with.

He never realized just how much he was hurting, but he had to say not having you at his side made it sting even more.

Yeontan nudged his way into the room and grabbed one of the stuffies, making his skilled exit quickly as taehyung got up

"hey! thats not yours!" he frowned and chased out of the room after the small dog, following him around the living room before running into your room. He gave up and dropped the giraffe by your desk, his tiny legs leading him away to hide.

Taehyung kneeled to pick it up, unable to help the way his eyes scanned over the items on top of your desk.

Unorganized homework for school, binders left open and messy, he smiled a bit at it as he walked over, his arm accidentally pushing some of the books off the side.

"shit" he sighed, leaning down to pick them up.

There was a smaller brown notebook that caught his attention, he didnt want to snoop around your things, but when the front of it says "to my love", its pretty hard to ignore.

He carefully sat on the ground and opened it, feeling wrong for doing so but unable to stop.

The first page was full of your handwriting.

May 11th

so...today I just found out the biggest news of my life. im pregnant, its weird to even write. I just bought this notebook at the flea market because I need to tell someone. Im really scared, and im unsure of what you will think of me. I love you a lot, and I hope I get the chance to gift this to you after all is said and done

suddenly he felt like he was doing something wrong, reading something forbidden.

He scanned over the next page quickly, seeing how you spoke about dedicating this as a future love note for him, a chance to let him see inside your mind.

He tossed it back on top of your desk and sighed softly, he missed you so much and it seems like every second only let that feeling grow.

He wasnt sure what position you two were in, but he loved you dearly, probably a lot more than a person should love another human being.

He hoped you felt the same deep and burning desire.

Thoughts passed into his brain, he realized he was grateful you went through the crazy process of the past few years, in which referred to the friends with benefits situation.

If it never happened, you would have never been this close now.

Little does he know, that miles away from Busan, you laid on the floor of your room too, looking over older texts between the two of you and giggling

even if it was about groceries, or a small message asking him to pick you up from class, it made you smile.

Taehyung and your mom have been the only ones that you can say have never left you, the only ones who are there when you need them.

were you going to let him go over something that can be talked over and fixed?

you looked out the window and silently spoke,

"i'll see you soon”

-

Going back to your old doctor in Gwangju was an odd experience, you had too have been no older than 18 the last time you visited her.

“It seems that everything is going smoothly, and you said you’ve stopped bleeding?”

You nod, fidgeting with the gown you put on as the doctor wrote down everything.

“Your tests seem good, i would say you are coming along healthily after this, which is a good thing, right?” She smiles cheerfully, “do you have any questions for me?”

You shrug, looking up at her “I don’t really know”

She sighed and sat down “y/n, what you went through would be hard on anyone. You are so young and you already are stressed with work and college, and this being thrown on top had to have been difficult right?”

You nod, resting your head in your palm.

“Do you think seeing a therapist would be helpful to you?” She asked sweetly

You quickly sat up “well…im going back to Busan eventually and-”

“I can contact your doctor in Busan and have them find you a therapist”

You sighed deeply, therapy was something you never really considered. Would it help? Maybe. But bottom line was that you never liked discussing your problems, you have always been closed off and the thought of being vulnerable with some stranger is terrifying.

“Look y/n, I’ll send your doctor a note and you can discuss it with her once you go back, how about that?”

You nod reluctantly “okay….”

-

Once you arrived back with your mother at the house, she began to cook something up for lunch as you laid on the couch, cuddling the cat.

She purred in your lap, making you smile.

"how was the appointment?" your mom spoke from the kitchen, peaking over to you as her hands chopped veggies up on a cutting board.

"well...It was fine I suppose"

"just fine?" she smiled, adjusting her glasses, "did she say anything bad?"

"no, no, nothing bad, but just...she wants me to do this therapy thing and I just-"

"oh that sounds like a good plan...I think therapy would be beneficial"

You sigh, looking down at the cat, "well I probably wont be doing it so..yeah"

She stopped cutting, looking over at you "and why is that?"

You simply shrug in reply

"you know theres nothing wrong in getting help...right?"

"yeah but im not sure im ready to go talk to someone yet"

She laughed softly, "thats when you should talk to someone, when you are unsure, get it out before its all locked up"

sitting up a bit, you look back at her, "I guess, I dont know, we will see...."

Your eyes returned back to the tv in front of you as your mother continued to create a meal for the two of you. As a mom, she felt defeated, she knew the other alternative here but knowing you, the reaction may be less than ideal.

The last thing she wants to do is interfere with your current situation, but hey.....

what is a mom if she isn't nosey?

taglist!-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[daughterofsarenrae]

I can’t bring myself to do any deep dives into political podcasts or discussions, would you summarize the latest? What are the reactions post debate? Most of my coworkers are going to vote trump but they treat me (an obviously queer person) so kindly. It’s dispiriting.

hiya! preferencing everything i say here with a "this is an extremely close race and will be until the very end" disclaimer but! we are not in doom and gloom mode we are in determined hope mode imo

post debate: fox news anchors were saying on air immediately after the debate that trump lost. like straight up they COULD not spin it in a way that he won. harris challenged him to another debate like hours after and i think it was today where he was like "no i totally won 100% so im not doing another" which. makes him look like a coward running away from facing her again bc he and everyone else knows he lost. so that's fun! of course he could go back on that bc he switched between he would/wouldnt do this debate like 8 times leading up to it. u cant trust anything out of his mouth! who knew?

ANYWAYS so that post i rb'd earlier was true: about 1/4 trump voters said the debate made them reconsider their vote, and i thiiiink wapo cited 6% of trump voters DID change their vote post debate. debates dont traditionally have anything to do with election results but it might be a good indicator in this one. most undecided voters' stance is "we dont know enough about harris's positions/policies" bc her campaign is like. 1.5? 2? (i forget) months old. the debate was her chance to lay her policy out for a HUGE audience- i think it was 67 million people watching? whereas trump: everyone knows who he is and what his views are. he is a known figure and people have made decisions. she is not known. and her core message that debate was "i am not trump or biden, i'm a new way forward" which for all of the people who were not wanting to vote for either trump/biden (bc of policies or age or WHATEVER) is important. national polls are close with harris trending up basically since her campaign started, but the important polls are the swing state ones, which typically are either tied or harris up by a tinyyyy bit.

the important thing here is: trump has his base. they will vote for him no matter what. generally he's kind of capped off how many voters he can get. people who are undecided/abstaining wouldve committed to him by now. harris is the unknown here, which means she has the greatest potential for growth, esp among undecideds and abstaining voters. the general view is they want to know more and are open to learning more. she's only done the one big mainstream news media interview so far bc she's been uh. a little busy! between constant rallies and the dnc and debate prep and such, but she's also been doing (almost?) daily local radio interviews. extremely grassroots campaign stuff. but also she's gotten fuckin. liz and dick cheney's endorsements. and a lot of other republicans. AND ALSO one piece of extremely good post debate news: taylor swift's endorsement. i think i saw a number today where in the 24 hours since her post, over 400,000 people clicked the link to the voter registration website so. extremely encouraging

the maga push to make harris/walz seem super extremist is very funny and also not sticking at all bc walz is literally the most normal guy ever. and every time jd vance shows his face he says something even more self-incriminating. trump distances himself SO much from vance it's so funny. clown show party over there. trump keeps flip-flopping on signing an abortion ban bc the evangelicals will hate him if he doesnt but it's also an extremely extremely unpopular position so he can't really say anything about it without alienating part of his voters

ANYWAYS this is. i guess kind of a summary? i didn't link sources bc im lazy and just got back from work but i will find them if u want me to. and also if u have any other things u wanna know this was extremely general

keep donating keep talking to people keep volunteering! the more voters we get out the better chance we have. esp if you're in the south check your voter registrations. block anyone who encourages you not to vote. most importantly dont give in to the fear. it's ok and normal to be anxious and afraid of this election, but don't let it shut you down. seek news that doesn't just talk about trump, elevate news that talks about harris. remember- people know enough about him that they're committed to him already. letting people know about harris' policies is going to do much more for bringing undecideds into the fold than talking about whatever insane shit trump is on about on any given day. AND ALSO campaign and donate for every other democrat on the ballot. vote blue up and down. let's set harris up for success with a congress that'll actually let her do shit

[thefourfan]

sorry for sending a uh message again but

i feel like animaticlock is dying or som???

it doesn't hzve a lot of content for it/about it anymore

i feel like this is due to people just getting tired of the ship of hyperfixating on different things, like im obsessed with gravity falls rn. But I still somewhat like animaticlock?

idk it just doesn't make me as happy as it used to..

and it's rlly a shame cause i like both shows but im really just getting tired of it

same with the shows,,,, but that's only because i rewatched them too much lol

its a shame the ship is dying tbh

me when the when

random but

yapper x listener ahh gif 😭😭🙏🙏

Yeah I've been noticing that too...

It's been frustrating me a little bit because I still very much have a hyperfixation on the ship and it's been becoming increasingly harder to find new content of it 😭

Ofc, people can move on from Animaticlock if they want, it's their accounts and they can do whatever makes them happy but MAN I'm starving out here ×_×

I've also noticed that whenever people do post stuff for the ship now, it gets significantly less attention than it did back in June.

I calculated some statistics to see what the average number of notes for posts under the Animaticlock tag during this month so far are compared to the first 12 days of June:

Average for August: 14 notes

Number of August posts: 17

Average for June: 92 notes

Number of June posts: 18

Surprisingly the number of posts in the first 12 days of these two months were about the same, but as I suspected, the attention these posts received significantly declined. Keep in mind that these time periods are only 2 months apart from one another!

Aninaticlock is absolutely on a decline right now, which sucks for everyone who's still hooked on the ship but I think we should've seen this coming:

I agree with you, I think people are getting tired of it, and I think I might know the reason why. Animaticlock is a crosship, and thing with crosships is that they, in almost all circumstances, NEVER get any sort of canon interactions. While we did get two crossover videos involving the actual voice actors, this videos aren't canonical. While some people can will through that and stay fully invested in a ship like that, a lot of people can't. A lot of people need at least some sort of canon interaction to keep them excited in the ship because it makes it way easier to see exactly what their dynamic is like.

Animaticlock is special in the way that it managed to become a popular ship at all despite this. However, it was still unlikely that most shippers would continue to be as into the ship as they were when they first got hooked on it because of what I explained about crosships earlier (plus other reasons like getting new interests/hyperfixations that pull them away from it), so it was nearly guaranteed to have a decline, and that's exactly what's happening right now.

I'll still continue to make more Animaticlock stuff despite this tho, dw lol I'm not done with the ship yet

Also I literally love that GIF sm it's so SILLY ^_^

[victimsofyaoipoll]

alright time to write an essay detailing whatever yaoi has done to my girl nancy wheeler. so like, even when it comes to yaoi shippers nancy has had stonathan, harringrove, AND steddie over four seasons with steddie already having massive popularity + the other shippers, wheras thankfully eleven only has to deal with byler shippers when it comes to the victimization. but not to diminish eleven any more because she has def gone through it in fandom, im going to get into nancy's stuff: you will notice all three ships she supposedly gets in the way of (ignoring jargyle because the shippers are chill in my experience) involve steve harrington, AKA the most popular character if i had to guess and the white boy of the month. see, they were dating at one point in s1 and s2. the breakup was messy. like he kinda was complicit in her slutshaming at one point and didnt let her grieve her dead best friend properly and she ambiguously (as in nobody can fucking decide when the break up was) cheated on him so yeah. messy. mutually. if not more on steve's side given he was a bit of an asshole in s1-2 but gets better. yadda yadda fast forward to harringrove in particular, AKA steve x the guy who attacked a black child and abused his younger sibling (and im not attacking anyone thats just. what happened). basically 90% of them try to convince people nancy is abusive for the two arguments that occurred and is a slut and privileged (never mind steve being probably the most well off member of the main cast + hes a white guy in the 80s) blah blah blah. also ironic they call her abusive OFTEN when billy (one half of harringrove) kinda like threatens his sister max and breaks her things and otherwise abuses her Often. but yeah. they hate her for breaking his heart. they hate her for getting in the wya of their ship possibly. they hate her in general. add that to the general fandom misogyny and suddenly a large number of people are writing essays about how much they hate her and how she's a piece of shit, actually. fast forward to s4 and steddie and a new problem arises: steddie shippers keep flooding her character and ship tags with primarily steddie. so now your options regarding her are mlm ships and mlm shippers shitting on her. also keep in mind there is now more content for half of that ship, a guy who shows up for an hour and dies in the same season, than nancy, a mc. and if you like nancy ships like jancy or ronance, too bad those tags are flooded as well. as in someone did analytics in august for ronance i think and at one point the majority of main pairings in the ronance ao3 tags itself was steddie. either way both ships usually end up as side ships or bait into a steddie centric fic or tumblr post. or nancy ends up third wheeling and getting them together. as a nice bonus (not really) recently steddie shippers have decided that they too hate nancy and have entire posts and common plots (i have seen tumblr ficlets/hc's and people discussing this as a common trope for steddie fics on ao3) about how nancy was a horrible person who damaged steve's self esteem and ability to be in a relationship or something from a break up, as if the relationship wasnt mutually harmful and compounded by nancy's whole dead best and possibly only friend thing. and whoops for ships like ronance that isnt allowed either because steve's friend isn't allowed to interact with his ex despite the fact that said friend literally said he was an ass in the s1-2 timeline. all of this making it impossible to find any positive content without it being interrupted for a character who, if i remember correctly, has almost as much screentime as eleven (and eleven at least has popular fan content and other ships that dont somehow loop around to byler/mike). and whats worse is that while canon doesnt have yaoi victimization it does have heteronormative bullshit in which she is forced into a love triangle with the same guys TWO TIMES. she literally cant win so let her win a poll maybe also sorry this is super fucking long <3

Whoooo Nancy

[writingtohealmytrauma]

5/4/24

she left me 2 months ago and the pain is still so real and unbearable. 8 years of our life gone, she is now a stranger we dont talk, i want to talk so bad but she wants to move on and asked us not to message i want to talk to her everyday but i need to respect her decision's she still hasnt blocked me and i cant bring myself to block her number, not that it would do any good as i know her number off by heart, i managed to get the strength to archive our conversations so im not constantly seeing her name and our life everytime i message someone, i had been messaging her out of desperation and longing for connection with her and i can see by the read reciepts that she is seeing my message but choosing not to respond and it just hurts so much that this is clearly what she really wants and she is trying her hardest to get over me and us.

she tells me "We pushed it as far as we could" in reality she pushed it as far as she wanted. she tells me that she wants to have a family and she doesnt see a future with us after 8 years so she needs to leave me and find someone else to have a family with. she's 26 and wants to have kids before 30? so she cant waste any more time with us. i spent my life serving her, but it wasnt enough. i gave her everything. i literally made her breakfast and dinner every day for 3 years to prove my love to her, i flew her business class around the world i showed her a life she never dreamed off. i was there every day when she got home waiting to hear about her day, i ALWAYS made and had time for her always. she was my purpose i lived to serve her. all i ever wanted was to marry her, everyone use to have a go at me saying "why dont you marry her?" "hurry up and put a ring on her finger" like i was the problem? she was the one that would never commit. all i wanted was a family and life with her. I know her past trauma's have played a huge part in all of this, she come from a very broken family and has carried alot of trauma her whole life that she refused to deal with and that leaked into our relationship in so many ways. i truly believe if she had of dealt with her passed issues we would stil be here. she was not the only one to blame i also brought issues to the table but i have worked and turned myself out inside as a person to try and fix/overcome these and i feel i really did. she had an avoidance schema which was a real issue she would always run and shut off from us whenever things were hard, my mind is constantly telling me she was overwhelmed and her avoidance schema kicked in and thats why she ended it as there was no good reason to end it, weeks before she ended it she was telling me that she was finallly ready to get engaged after 8 years?? im so confused? I worry that she has realised this was an overreaction to a minor problem but her pride is stopping her from saying hey this is blown out of proportion can we try and fix this?? i would come running! i'd lay my life down to fix this, what ever it took whatever love she needed it is hers. I worry by the time she comes to this conclusion i will have moved on, not because i wanted to but because the pain is to great and i dont want to take my own life from grief. does one ever truly move on? will i still think about her in years too come? there is that weird sense of hope that we will get back together but i cant hold onto that. when we first started dating she saw a psychic (I dont believe in that stuff) but he told her that she was going to meet her partner and they would be together for life like penguins and that she would have twins with them. over the years i truly believed that and i made that a promise to myself that she was my penguin and that we would be together forever and have twins and i held onto that promise for so long, that promise got me through the hardest time in our relationship and now i feel its been broken it makes me sick to think that im not her penguin and some other man might be? she will have twins and a family with another man? makes me want to curl up and die.

It hurts so much that she wants to move on she couldnt do it anymore 8 years, meant nothing i know she wasnt in it for a long time i just kept pushing and pushing and exhuasting myself trying to fix it, i knew in the back of my mind that it was over a long time ago and that we wouldnt work in the future. she was my best friend though and the only family ive ever had all i wanted was to serve her and love her but there was always this twisted gut feeling in my stomach everytime i thought about our future, not from fear just uncertainty. we broke up once before for a short period of time and she bought someone back to our house within a couple days of us breaking up my mind reels at the thoughts of who she is with now who she is seeing.

**DREAM

I had a dream last night that we met up and i asked had she been with anyone else i asked her and i wanted her to say yes so i could hate her and move forwards in my dream she told me after a week of us separating that she had been sleeping with someone else she began to describe the sexual encounter to me with such joy saying it was hot and sweaty and that they didn't use protection and i remember feeling such a sense of a rage and sadness and sickness all at once in my dream, the though of her with another man made my sick. **DREAM

i woke up and i felt relieved as my mind was still telling me that was a real conversation and i hated her and could let her go and after properly waking up and realising it was a dream i cant shake the feeling the thoughts of that dream and what it meant to me. now i feel like i need to know if she is sleeping with other people so i can move on? WHY IS MY MIND ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS? i want to know that she is with other people so i can hate her so i can detach as i feel thats the only way i can move forward but at the same time i dont want to know either. i have no interest in other women right now, i dont think i ever will. i gave her every part of my heart and soul. ive only ever slept with 2 people in my life and have no interest in sleeping around being with other people, the thought makes me feel sick.

everytime i see anything slightly sexual it reminds me of her it makes me feel sick to my guts as to who she is with. i was her first and she was my second and to be intimate almost every day with the same person for 8 years is so special. i think its a mix of jealousy and fear fear because i know what other men are like and what they are capable and that she has not been exposed to how feral men can be and jealousy because what if she finds someone better than me? what if they pleasure her better or love her more. what if she is more attracted to them then me? she said to me that she still loves me and thats not that she doesnt want me she just doesnt think we have a future?? which is so insanely confusing cause how can you love and want someone but not be willing to commit to marriage and life together and risk going out into the world and hoping you find the connect you had with someone else.

she was my bestfriend, all i wanted was to be around her and in her presence and i think that makes this all so much harder for me. i feel like im one of those people that is always surrounded by people but feel so alone always. she took away the loneliness made me feel complete and normal maybe it was bad that i needed her to make me feel that way, maybe i should learn to feel that way before getting into another relationship. thats what everyone tells you to do. but does anyone actually truly do that? does anyone ever wait untill they are complete and feel whole before getting into another relationsip? i feel like if you were complete and happy being alone you would never get into a relationship at all so i feel like that kind of advice is a lie? what else would compel you to be in a relationship if you have learnt to be happy alone, i understand women having a biological clock and im led to beleive that some women have overwhelming maternal instincts and the need to have children but as a some what succesful male, if i learn to be happy aloen and enjoy my own company? why would i want to get into a relationship what would be the driving force behind that? so i think that type of thinking is a lie and fanciful.

i feel scared to go back home, i know i need to though. i left the state i live in to go stay with my cousins for a wgile to try and clear my head i dont know if it has helped our made things worse? im genuinely not sure.

im so scared of running into her, im so scared of running into her with another man. i dont know how to deal with these feelings of fear and jealousy. i just love her so much and my heart screams for her day in an day out.

even writing this now i feel sick at the thought the she is talking to somoene else and flirting with them and doing sexual things with them.

i think the hardest thing for me to grasp is her being sexually intimate with someone else. that seems to be the trigger for me to spiral and feel sick.

my psycologist told me that those are grief thoughts and to label them grief thoughts and that they will pass but they just make me sicker and sicker everytime i think of them.

im not eating, im not sleeping all i do is train. i feel so insecure and so scared i feel like ive aged so much in our relationship and that im ugly and un lovable so im just destroying my body to stay fit and become stronger than i am. i worry its becoming a mental ilnness almost a body dysphoria i hate myseld and everything about myself.

she was younger than me buy a couple of years and i know she is going to date someone younger than me and they will be fitter and stronger than me and it just hurts so much to think that.

i get angry cause i feel like she used me and robbed me of my life and my best years and that she never had any intention of seeing this through. she just used me as a vessel to get her setup in a career and financially.

[starjxsung]

hi baby <333 i hope you had the absolute best time at the ateez concert!! i saw some clips on twt and i died, they looked soooo good😭

it’s been a really rough month in every sense tbh. i still haven’t heard back from the practicum but im not even bothering to write anymore. and we’re coping alright now with the doggy passing away but the first few days were really rough. i think we (but especially my bf and his fam) were clinging too much to her when she was clearly too sick </3 but all is well. thank you for the good wishes. i really appreciate them.

my bf literally stole his brother’s record player to play the ateez album for me so i vote for you to do it too😂

and about jisung, like, i literally said the same thing. i was just like “i’d have babies with any of them, they don’t even have to raise them”. (i dont plan on ever having kids either or particularly like those that aren’t part of my family) even my bf said it was understandable😂 the european air really did a number on them bc they looked so so so so good.

AND BTW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT JISUNG SUPPOSEDLY HAVING A CHEST TATTOO BC IM DYING. that is the single sexiest thing he could’ve done.

and i did hear about taemin’s tour and im so manifesting having money to be able to go😭😭😭😭 but idk if i’ll skip it to financially recover from skz (in general, they manage all my money. they’re doing a terrible job).

anyways, i love you so much bb i hope all is well. i can’t wait to hear about your ateez concerts. i’m so excited! (alsoooo lolla is in 2 weeks!!! and they have plant based options now, as a person who occasionally eats meat but doesn’t like the taste, i cheered). take care my love <3

-🐈‍⬛

hi baby !!!!!!!! Ahhhhh Ateez was insane 😭😭 there were so many sweet atinys around us and I got the cutest freebies <3 we tried to get merch beforehand but it was SO much more crowded this time around so a lot of it was sold out which was such a bummer ☹️ I did manage to get a Seonghwa picket but I’m gonna try to get there a little earlier for tomorrow’s show for a tshirt 🫶 fingers crossed they have them in stock this time ! I did feel super bad bc Seonghwa’s grandfather passed away the day before my show so he was crying during his ments and I just wanted to give him the biggest hug ☹️ I hope he’s doing a little better but I can’t imagine how hard it must be for him 💔 I just landed in LA a few hours ago so I’ll let you know how tomorrow’s show goes !!

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear that you still haven’t heard from your practicum 😞 I don’t even blame you for not reaching out anymore, I’d give up too. I just can’t believe how incompetent they’ve been throughout the whole process. And on top of all the stress with your bf’s dog, and just in the midst of such a busy time. I am so so sorry and I’ll keep manifesting that things start looking up soon 🫶 my sister actually didn’t end up coming to LA and she’s not going to Lolla after all bc she’s just too stressed about her internship and she doesn’t feel like she can fully enjoy anything right now. It really sucks to travel solo after all but I don’t blame her and I’m so frustrated for both of you. Sending you all my love and hoping they get back to you soon :(

PLSSSS the Jisung thing is so real 😭😭 ALSO YES I HEARD ABOUT THE TATTOO I genuinely couldn’t use my phone for a good hour after reading the news bc I was tweaking so hard LIKE RIGHTTT ON THE JITTIES™️ IS INSAAAAANE………. I saw a sketch of what its presumed to look like and I think it’s so sweet that he got it for his family 🥹 Jisung my beloved (he actually got my name tattooed it’s true)

Also manifesting Taemin US dates soooo hard 😔🤞 the first set of dates are all Asia which I’m not surprised about but I hope he comes back to LA at least !!

I love you so so much bby I can’t wait to tell you all about LA !!!! And then Lolla next oh my god it doesn’t feel real 😭 also I did NOT hear about the plant based options and as a vegetarian that’s like…. The next best thing after seeing Jisung in the flesh 💓❣️🙏

Ateez pics ofc also peep my little Ateez pajama shirt I bought for LA 👼🫶💓💓💓

[keichanz]

i have been home for an hour now, and the number of times i've written, deleted, and rewritten this post is embarrassingly high. because guys, i just don't know what to say. i'm literally speechless. like...your generosity, your thoughtfulness, your kindness means so much to me i can't even begin to express it.

guys. all of your donations made it possible for me to buy groceries not just for the week, but for the month, and still have enough left over so that when my gas payment comes out tomorrow, my account won't be overdrafted and i'll be able to pay my rent AND my car payment (which is also something i was stressing about ngl). i just...i'm in tears. legit i cried driving home just thinking about how amazing all of you are, and i'm legit tearing up right now as i type this. i couldn't possibly think of any way for me to repay your generosity and kindness except to promise i'll always be there for you in your time of need. i'm just seriously so floored...god ;lajdf;ajlka like.

okay listen, so it's small - like stupidly small and not even that impressive - but if you guys want to tell me what you would like to see in part 2 of my brother's bestfriend, PLEASE let me know. like ideas, plot points, lines of dialogue you want inu or kagome to say, certain phrases, settings, fuck even kinks or smutty things you'd like to see me write. anything. i know it's not much, but i mean it's a small way for me to show my appreciation, my love, my utter gratitude.

now i'm gonna go to my kofi page and thank every single one of you personally who donated, and i hope you know that all of you who couldn't donate, but reblogged and showed me love in the tags or signal boosted, you have my love and gratitude as well. it truly means so much to me that you care and i just...ajdfklafj fuck im crying again aaaAAAHHhhh

no for real tho. i really, really hope you all know just how goddamn grateful i am. to have friends like you that care that much...i don't know what i did to deserve you all, but i'm so fucking blessed and grateful and i know i sound like a damned broken record but fuck it's all true. you all mean the world to me, and you bet your ass i'll be returning the favor someday.

i love you all so very much. thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. you all deserve the world, and more.

❤️

[the-elderly-are-evolving]

gay twilight princess character headcanons bc it pride month

look im sure someone else has done it but idc i have A Lot Of Feelings rn and they have 2 go somewhere so get on board or get off ma ass about it

Link:

u no him, u love him, he has like 3 pixels in this game and all of them r doing their best!

he's coming from a conservative little backwater (i say this as the unfortunate alum of a conservative little backwater myself-- sorry, but Ordon's main export is like. goats or w/ever, there's no way there aren't any trump supporters in that town), but i think once he travels around n gets 2 experience different things on his quests n shit he starts 2 unravel some of that internalized homophobia & becomes a great ally and, dare i say it, a little bi-curious

"but, gabe," i hear u say, "link is such a nonbinary icon, what about the transmasc & transfemme gender envy???" and 2 that i say mmmmm yea yea ik, but i don't think he sees it in himself yet, i think that comes later when he's got more adult confidence n shit. like i can see a 20's/30's link with long luscious braided hair wearing crop tops and mini skirts 2 show off his sick nasty battle scars while he picks ppl up at the bar

final verdict is bi and, later, genderqueer, although i think he's one of those ppl who doesn't really care about labels/ pronouns bc he is simply 2 busy sparkle emoij boots the house down slaying monsters hahahah get it im hilaris

Midna:

now that's a she/they if ever i've met one

one of those ppl whose gender presentation is mostly just looking like a scruffy & stinky goblin cretur 95% of the time except 4 that like. 2% of the time they actually make an effort and turn out****

def has a bro-code friendship w link where they both just don't talk about their feelings and instead r violent together love this little war criminal & her dog best friend

ur 1st instinct is lesbian, but look a little closer, and u will soon realize that this is simply a pansexual with a strong preference 4 women in their natural habitat

i think she is trying 2 b a responsible queer bc she knows link is unfamiliar w the community n she is trying 2 b a good ambassador between link n the gays uhhhhh unfortunately she is simply 2 busy trying 2 commit crimes & being like. a chronically online 20-year old or however old she's supposed 2 be & i think link comes away more confused than ever b4

****couple things here: a) ik that doesn't add up to 100%-- i am gay, what part of do not talk 2 me about numbers don't u understand b) ik midna was literally cursed 2 b an imp by zant, but it doesn't change anything in my mind and u can't convince me that she didn't just pull out her "true form" bullshit 2 try an seduce zelda at the end of the game c) no i have no personal experience with this gender presentation at all how dare you insinuate anything of the sort i have totally showered this week totally now shut up

Zelda:

Lesbian, no further questions ur honor

Furthermore, femme lesbian, often gets Assigned Straight On Sight & is very tired of getting hit on by straight men

One of those gays who wear wacky silly n fun statement earrings so other queer ppl know they're gay

We don't actually see her a lot in this game so there's not much 2 go off of with her characterization... this zelda has had a lot of pressure put on her what with being the sole leader of her people in this time of extreme stress, & so i think she is very competent & composed & controlled, but out of necessity, which will prob lead her 2 rebel later in life & act out a little when the country is not at war & she gets to be more of a child again.... basically what im saying is twilight princess should've had a sequel n it should've started w zelda deciding she's punk now, shaving her head, and making link help her run away from home

EDIT: how did i not see this b4...... i have been a fool...... zelda is secretly an astrology gay. it's one of her guilty pleasures bc she knows it's prob not real n the planets prob aren't doing anything w ppl's personalities, but she can't help but b like oooh but wouldn't it b fun if the real reason zant was such a little bitch was just bc his pisces is in retrograde?