#and so does shadow so im p proud of these. i like them

[moonmoonstarstar]

bristlefrost shadowsight rootspring

[chiikasevennn]

(this has topics of murder and yandere.....and stuff PLS DELETE IF URE NOT COMFY IM SORRY HUHUHU)

haia omg i have no idea if you're still open or no but i really like whenever writers dive into the more darker aspects of a character or how especially when a process of basically ascending to something what you would consider non human (monarch in this case) and how this affects a character like does this make them less humane or posssiblllyy twist their morals??

like as we can see with jinwoo his morals is err well yeah there but we can see times where he is willing to commit crimes if the time calls it (often the system forcing him to it) but like what happens when he finally swallows the system as a whole?? LIKE since now there is no third party to force him to do murder or what not will his way of thinking change too? like i imagine when he first murdered the guys in the cave very early on in the series you think that maybe he thought that it wasn't that bad..??

I can honestly see it more if it was another scenario and we add in the aspect of the reader or I'll call [name] whwhw.. I feel like Jinwoo is the type to actually lose his sense of humanity just for the sake of [name] or keeping them safe like the two probably was close but had to separate in their own ways but when they meet again [name] can barely recognzie Jinwoo and i dont mean physically or what not it's more like he lost his warmth and seems more... unsettling.. like do you know the feeling of watching those analogue horror or watching anything eerie and you get that feeling that somethings off in a scene that seems normal but you know something is OFF. yeah i feel like that's what [name] would feel ✊.

I just wanna hear your opinion on a more screwed up Jinwoo because as muchhh as i love the fluffy cutie jinwoo i also love delving into the topics of jinwoo just going batshit insane 🤯🙏

-🌟🎀

ABSOLUTELY!

Jinwoo x Reader

Your wish is my command, pookie bear.

Warning(s): YANDERE, nothing much, maybe too short? Not a fic or oneshot lol js my crazy thoughts

Also guys ples comment and say something ...

^⁠_⁠^

Jinwoo himself was already prepared to walk through fire just for his family, and that was just platonic love. Imagine how insane he'd be for a significant other that he loves way too deeply.

Hello???? Like I feel his dedication and love for darling would be higher than the heavens especially if they're already there for him during his lowest part in life.

My hunch is he's a chill yandere; he adores you and wouldn't pull any outrageously crazy stunts directly at you. Instead, he might convey lessons through various means, like allowing uncomfortable scenarios to set up, then emerging from the shadows he casted beneath your silhouette to rescue you.

Like a "savior" yandere. Your knight and sole protector.

He'd be more possessive ig if his crazy fans found out about you, particularly if they desire him to be romantically involved with Hae-In in the name of being a power couple. Jinwoo literally and genuinely didn't give a damn when they trash-talked him.

But hey, fans can be krezi

ALSO HELLO LIKE WHAT IF THOSE CRAZY ASSHOLES START HARASSING YOU ON WORK OR IN SOCIAL MEDIA (like leaving you death threats or rudely demanding you to break up w him bc apparently according to them, you don't deserve him)? Lol he'd be willing to do something about them, so good luck reasoning against him if you don't want bloodshed!!!

He'd convince you to not work anymore if that was in store for you.

"... Woo, you know I can't just quit work like that and have you become the breadwinner for the two of us. You're getting financially better and I'm proud, but I can't jus—"

"Shh," He'd tenderly cup your cheeks with his eyes overflowing with love and concern, every bit of his attention dedicated to you. "Is it so bad for me to want no dangers coming to you?"

"You're also being unintentionally put into unavoidable situations whenever you're in public. Love, you remember what happened last time, right?" He'd add. With a kiss on your forehead, he said, "I'll provide for you, you don't have to work. I can't stand how they're looking at you."

Jinwoo would mumble the final words gently before pulling back. He'd whisper them solely for your ears, aware that you wouldn't interpret that knowledge negatively anymore—it would now simply reflect his worry for your welfare and highlight his character as the tender and loving partner he was.⁠ ♡

[mbat]

ok i always hesitate to compare varian and cassandra because i know varian is the fandoms baby but i am always comparing them when it comes to the fandoms reactions to the characters

and theres definitely several factors at play as to why people react differently to them, but the main one im thinking of is the things that made the characters break the way they did

moreso how varians is a very external and fairly universal thing. his father was basically taken from him (by varians own creation no less), and he was begging for help that he sadly would not get for reasons that we understand, but hes a teenage boy and was going through the worst thing he ever couldve, so of course he wasnt understanding, he was begging for help from someone that shouldve been able to help, but because of the circumstances, that just wasnt possible. you really cant argue with the motivation there.

but cassandras pain was always more of an internal thing, something that isnt laid out so clearly for the viewers to grasp, especially if they dont care to pay her enough attention. her motivation is there from the beginning, even. in the first few episodes we saw her trying to be someone, be something, by trying to win that one competition and such. i think its even in the beginning of that episode that we see her do something really cool and some kids start cheering and shes proud for a second, before its revealed the kids were simply only cheering because rapunzel was arriving, which sets up the episode in general.

this theme of her trying to be more but never getting to, and being outshined by rapunzel, or not seen/heard by anyone including rapunzel, it lasts through the entire show. but her breaking point comes when this theme is brought to its strongest, with gothel.

shes shown that her own mother was gothel, and gothel abandoned her to take care of rapunzel instead.

personally i think that that alone is pretty damn understandable of a motivation even without the further context, but seeing as this theme has been going through the entire run of the show, its just even worse. rapunzel never means to make cassandra 2nd place, but she has been before she even had memories or thoughts. of course cassandra would break about that.

but if you dont care about cassandra... it just looks like shes throwing a little tantrum about it.

but spending your whole life in the shadow of others, and then several years in this one specific shadow, its not fun. its not great. you grow resentful, you wonder why its like this, you blame others for not bothering to ever truly look your way. at some point you fully blame everyone else and not yourself because youve been doing everything you can and it still isnt enough for them.

im gonna go even more off track here but i also think about that one episode where its a flashback and its an episode that i think bothers some people when it comes to this, i know it bothered athena p (good youtuber but her opinions on my favorite shows hurts me inside). when cassandra had the chance to live her dreams, go to the kingdom of women warriors, but she chose to stay home and be rapunzels friend.

and i guess my best summary of it is... wouldnt you rather stay home and have your first friend ever, whos offering themself up on a platter to you? instead of going somewhere far away that youve never been to before, surrounded by strangers? she could likely always try going to that place later (i headcanon that she does after the show after all), but i cant really blame her for wanting to stay home if she could.

so of course it has to suck that the whole reason you gave up on getting your dream sooner only hurts you more. that she put her dream on pause to make her first friend right there at home, and that friend only (unintentionally) hurt her.

and idk like i said i definitely think theres more factors at play as to why people like one more than the other (for example theres way less time for varian to do fucked up things even though he does do a few lol, but cass has a lot more time)

(also i didnt even MENTION that she was being manipulated the entire time she was using the moonstone but whatever. i can absolutely see people being like 'wtf just dont listen to zhan tiri lol ez' and that would just scream that they dont understand manipulation but whatever whatever whatever)

but yeah i just think a big thing is that. not everyone has experienced what cass experienced, not everyone paid enough attention to her to even care about what her whole deal was, not everyone even sees the big deal with the things she went through. but varian has this very understandable reason that you dont need to think too deeply to see why he does what he does.

this isnt a hate post to varian btw i dont dislike or hate him lol, i just think about cassandra so much its unreal

[vestsfriends]

Live reaction/thoughts to She-Ra Season 5:

thought these were p funny so here ya go

-entrapta does have feelings mkay @ mermista

-catra apologized to entrapta even after she bluntly stated all the horrible shit she did to her,, bless

-Scorpia has electricity POWERS WTF YO

-so?? Does Glimmer?? Like?? Not have her teleportation powers anymore?? Or??

-catra + short hair = a strange feeling

-‘wrong hordedak’ is a precioUS bABy

-frosta is so tiny she is supposed to be 13 now but like,, she still smol af

-Micah being apart of the team,, he’s everyone’s dad now

-she-ra’s upgrade?? God is a woman after all

-does Micah know that Shadow Weaver is Light Spinner or—

-Kyle and Rogelio is canon LETS FUCKIN GO

-if they don’t conclude/answer the biggest question I’ve had the entire series aka “what IS Madam Razz?” then imma riot

-SPINERELLA NOOOOO how fucking long has she had the horde chip on her neck??

-THERES no DOUBT in my mind that the chip in Spinerella is the reason why Netossa was crying in the trailer,,,

-catra’s redemption is awesome- it’s very well written- it’s slow but making good progress

-perfuma and seahawk have had almost zero screen time so far so I hope that changes soon

-even tho there’s clearly gonna be endgame ships— the glitra, slight scorptra, entrapdak, catrapta, glimmadora, glimbow, and scortrapta has been good in new content

-GLIMMER KISSED CATRA ON DA CHEEK FHKSDHJDSDHJDHSHSHS aw

-also bow saying catras sneeze was adorable >>>>

-horde prime is very,, i dunno,, weird? Like he has his polite charade/act goin on and then turns into a strict dictator two seconds later lmao

-Scorpia singing?? My SHIT! SHES SO TALENTED

-I never knew I needed lipstick! Mermista and Peruma until now

-Scorpia stayed behind wtf

-DOUBLEEEEEE TROUBLEEEEE THEY BACK

-THE INTROSSSSSS THEY KEEP CHANGING

-entrapta teaching wrong! Hordak to wink is too pure for this world

-the netossa crying scene showed up :(

-bows DADSSSSSSSSSSS EVERY CHARACTER IS SHOWING UP AGAIN I CRI

-okay but what’s shadow weavers deal?? Why she do dis shit??

-I love aunt casta’s and shadow weavers banter tho lmfao

-catra now has a loyal cat companion

-and now she & her gone

-damN Perfuma rlly has faith in people huh

-horde primes gonna fuck shit up oh no here he comes

-hordak is remembering Entrapta lemme just,,,, :’) “your imperfections are beautiful”

-glimbow rlly out here being more touchy than usual huh

-AWWWWWW BOWS PLAYING A CUTE GUITAR WHILE GLIMMER SLEEPS ON HIS SHOULDER HDJDSJJS and she’s blushing okay 👌

-“take care of her, horde scum” “that’s the plan, sparkles” glitra has been popping bottles this season

-Y’know I still ship bowfuma but like- GLIMBOW CANONNNNN THAT FOREHEAD KISS AND THE “I LOVE YOU”s FUCK IM DYING DHDKDHSHDHDHDSHJD

-MARA JUST SWOOPED IN OUT OF NO WHERE wHAT

-is hordak gonna be the one to tackle horde prime or,, no? Bc him hurting Entrapta is gonna affect hordak for sure

-“you’re worth more than what you give to other people” limme just weep for a sec

-“couldn’t wait to sweep me off my feet?” Jesus seahawk dhdkdjdj also why is this show so good at writing good chemistry for hetero ships like damn

-bows message to Atheria? fuckin stan him taking charge

-SHADOW WEAVER GIVING UP HER LIFE TO SAVE CATRA AND ADORA >>>

-“I’m so proud of you, Catra.” I legit started crying at this

-oml even the staff from drill showed up dhdjdhdhd I missed them since season 1

-hordak really just,, said this whole ass speech about defying his rules and just,, fuckin,, drops horde prime off a cliff LMAOO DAMN

-DID ADORA JUST JUMP INTO THE FUTURE OR SOME SHIT?! catra has a ponytail, Adora looks like a Greek god, and glimmer has even shorter hair oml I’m dead

-bow has a goatee IM

-catra saying “I love you” hit different

-like my main ship is scorptra just bc Scorpia was able to make catra soft/blush a few times lol but canon catradora is p cute- the way they handled the build up was well-written

-“stay” is a reoccurring line in this season

-UPGRADED! SHEILD!

-hey bro- what if,, we were both main characters,, of the same sex,, and we used to beat each other up,, and we kissed,, hey wait bro- don’t stop bro-

-the angle of the kiss reminded me of the Starco one ngl (but that show ended badly so,, eh)

-who knew kissing catra was so powerful that it made your barrette fly right outta yo hair

-ENTRAPTA DOING A SPINNING HUG WITH HORDAK DHDKDHSHS SOFT BABIES

-DAMN SPINTOSSA KISSED LIKE THREE TIMES ON THE MOUTH THIS SEASON WOOHOO

-scorptra hug? That’s all I needed thank you noelle I can die happily

-so ig we’ll never truly know what madam razz is,, oh well. At least she made an appearance

-the last shot with the best friend squad? Fantastic. Great show, great ending.

[conservativetranny]

2020 blog update

Hello. No idea if any of you ‘remember’ me but I do seem to have a fair few followers on here. I managed to access the login information for this account and it is safe to say this blog is dead. I denounce everything I stood for on this stupid shit. 

I’m writing this because it’s what the blog deserves. Not looking to be dramatic, not looking for sympathy, in fact I think i’ll get a bit of backlash for this but bring it on. 

The past and the present- a summary

I had this blog when I was 14, unfortunately way too young to have a social media presence (one which carried any responsibility like this one anyway). No matter what age I said I was, no matter how I portrayed myself or how you, my followers interpreted me, I was a sad young trans guy desperately hoping to look big, cool, masculine and stoic, and that manifested in the most toxic way possible. 

I’m 17 now, still very very young, and after developments in my life, especially pursuing my medical transition and becoming happy within myself, I no longer hold such toxic beliefs as I once did. I am happier with myself and no longer feel the need to sacrifice others’ dignity, respect, and unfortunately sometimes on this blog, privacy, for my own. I was a very insecure, stubborn, and ignorant teenager, who dealt with a lot of denial. I’m not blaming the way I treated people online on other factors, but of course external factors came into play. I was dealing with bullying and insecurity, with parental problems, and with loneliness and depression. I seeked some sort of community, and I wanted to push myself away from the ‘weak’ trans community (the way I viewed it at the time). I wasn’t in denial personally, with the fact that I was trans (being gay is a different story- I was in complete denial with the fact that I’m gay), more just with the way other people viewed me (I will expand on this). I could elaborate on the way in which I viewed other people and the way that projected onto my conduction online, but it is a complex and confusing story. I have completely changed my viewpoint on trans ‘discourse’, I am open minded, I am close friends with people I would have turned my ignorant nose up at years ago. I am so proud to say that I am a completely different person now. I grow every day, it seems, and I can assure that I will never return to this ignorant mindset.

Growth

With experience, I have grown too. Obviously, from 14-17 i have become more mature. I have different experiences now as well, for example, I don’t bind often at all really anymore, because its more comfortable and can sometimes make me more dysphoric to know I am binding. I’m bringing this up because I bet you back when I was active on this blog, I would’ve laughed at the more mature, tolerant me, and probably went on a tyrade about how I was a fake trans guy or less of a man for not binding. I often wonder what ‘old me’ would think of ‘new me’. Now obviously, three years isn’t a hell of a big difference, but to a 17 come 18 year old it is. I understand I am not an adult yet, but I’ve always taken pride in conducting myself with a sense of maturity and articulacy, and for this post and platform especially I feel it is appropriate.

The Truscum Mindset

Back when I ran this blog, I was in an echo chamber of like minded people, which didn’t help my ideological development. I watched youtubers like Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah, who I thought gave me a balanced, moderate, and fair opinion which is clear is not the case. Back then I would’ve scoffed at the idea of Blaire and Kalvin and other similar people as being radical or a gateway, but I urge you, if you feel you are slipping to obsession with those ideologies, to seek to widen your opinions and associations. I understand it’s a fairly niche discourse topic, but for me it opened a wider rabbit hole into the alt right. From wanting to fit into the lgbt and wider communities as a masculine male, this opened up the black hole of the alt right, I browsed (now deleted) subreddits and 4chan boards, and forums that put me in a very negative and dangerous place. If you’d like me to make a post elaborating on this, I am more than happy to, but this post is to address conservativetranny.

Denial and owning up to responsibility

Back in 2017/18, I was very much in denial of certain aspects of myself, especially my sexuality. I am gay. I thought that this was, and especially as a trans guy, a demasculating quality. I still deal with those feelings sometimes, as a lot of young gay guys do, but thankfully it does not manifest itself as toxic as it once did. I just wanted to portray myself online as how I thought I wanted to be viewed-I didn’t want to be viewed like ‘any other trans guy’. I wanted to be different, but now I can appreciate individuality and I can also embrace being trans as well.

I used to think that having alt views was the coolest thing ever, which contributed to my slip into the alt right, something on which I’ll elaborate on in later posts. I am now an advocate for deradicalisation, and being rational, truly rational. I’m also an advocate for maturity and owning up to your mistakes.

I have hurt people, especially in my personal life, throughout my time as a stupid, thoughtless immature teenager and i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for that. I now respect the hell out of those people and unfortunately, but definitely rightfully so, they have lost their respect for me. I don’t blame them, because as I said, up until very recently I was a horrible, toxic person. With maturity, in the past half a year I have been able to own up to my mistakes and I am now taking responsibility for that. No excuses, because I was a shitty person. Of course there is a line between excuses and justification, and I hope those which are reading this can distinguish and appreciate this difference.

Self Hatred and Truscum

Back when I ran this blog, it was very easy to tell I was self hating. Everything I wrote on here, pretty much, was hateful except for the odd two posts that were about something unrelated to my ideology. I was extremely dysphoric and in a bad place when I wrote these things and certainly projected my insecurities onto others. I wanted to find a community of different thinking people that would accept me, and this community was certainly the wrong turn. I had a feeling that it was wrong at the time, but I was too naive and cowardly to own up to it and seek a way out. I kind of just naturally fell out of it, a a lot of things happened in my personal life in late 2018 that forced me out of trans discourse and into much more toxic places like the alt right and true crime fandoms, and I think I’ve only recently ��found myself’ in the past year or so. I might make a post on self growth on the future as I intend to keep this blog to elaborate and voice my opinions on deradicalisation and highlight the importance of owning up and self awareness.

Don’t fall into the rabbithole

I’m not too acquainted with trans discourse anymore, so I’m out of the loop on this one, but I’d imagine that there’s still ‘transmed vs tucute’ ideas. Kalvin Garrah’s community comes to mind, I haven’t watched his videos ‘as a fan’, if that makes sense, for a while now but I am aware he has a large fanbase of young trans teens that were in a similar mindset to where I was back when I ran this blog. I would love for this post to reach his opposers and supporters for that matter, as a means to show them that they don’t have to fall into this cycle of hate which can be very damaging. I used to be an avid fan of Kalvin, and Blaire White, amongst others. I watched exclusively their content alone and formed my opinions around theirs. If you’re doing that now, I urge you to consider other people when you do. Think about the people like Brennan Beckwith, people who were severely impacted and hurt by hateful rhetoric. Those people are human too, and with maturity you will learn that people with different experiences and views are, at the end of the day, the same as you, and they have feelings as well .I’m going to make a post in the future about Kalvin Garrah, certainly, but maybe Blaire White as well.

Why now?

You may be wondering why this post is being made now of all times, and that is a question that has every right to be asked. I feel as if this timing is right because I finally possess the level of maturity needed to own up to my mistakes and tell you that I was wrong and it was certainly wrong to post those opinions and mistakes online for all to see, and put people in my real life on blast like I did.

I had completely forgotten about this blog, and forgot about the rude and ignorant words I had written towards the people in my real life, until chance had it that I was in contact with one of the people mentioned in this post. [https://conservativetranny.tumblr.com/post/169351517511/no-one-pretends-to-be-trans]

I’m not going to go into the nuances of the conversation we had, but it turns out they had, for a while and definitely rightfully so been hurt by the fact that I had mentioned them, by name, in this post. And while I’d of course still like to keep these people anonymous and will not sacrifice their anonymity in order to tell a story or ‘save myself’, this post is quite funny to read back on as I am good friends with the people referred to as ‘P’ and ‘Shadow’ now.

This is the end of this post, as I feel I have said everything I have wanted to say regarding my previous conduct on this blog. I’m going to change my name on this blog and my bio as I do intend on further posts in the future. I’m not sure how many people, if any, this post will reach, but I’m satisfied I have written this anyway. I certainly do plan on writing future posts but I’m not exactly sure how to formulate them. But thank you so much for reading this far, and if you have, I appreciate it.

[autisticoolatta]

Brooo!!! Tell me more about character design!!!

TYSM FO. R SENDIGN THIS BUBBY <3

ok so. i will tlak ab my science team bcs hyperfixation <3 they range from human passing to so very nonhuman but none of them are really human ! this is going under a cut because it is so very long

darnold is most human , he looks p mcuh normal but he consumes things that should absolutely kill him VXBSB.. hes around 5′7 , i draw him w a square-ish shape language bcs hes intelligent and relatively sensible but round corners cause hes v kind !! i hc he enjoys old-timey fashion so i give him a bowtie & suspenders under his labcoat ! he also gets dimples bc cute. 

gordon is p human at first glance but if u look closer he has slightly pointed ears and his canines are a little longer than average. he also has retractable claws like a cat , benreys like wtf didnt you say it was weird that i had claws ? and hes like nah its weird you cant retract them. also its barely noticeable but gordons hair moves veery slightly when hes emotional becayse heehoo. hes around 5′9 and has a relatively wide rectangle silhouette bcs hes hard-working and trustworthy ! post-game he mostly wears comfortable casual clothes like sweaters and knee-lenght shorts. dresses like a dad :^)

coomer mostly looks like a regular friendly old guy , but he has a buncha cybernetics hidden under his clothing bcs of course he does ! the extendo-arms are visibly metallic but his leg enhancements are mostly internal. hes 5′4 and has a v much circular silhouette ! friend-shaped !! he wears kind grandpa clothes.. shorts , hawaiian shirts , vests etc ! and yes he wears crocs <3

forzen is also pretty human-passing in terms of appearence , though he Can and occasionally Does subtly shapeshift.. and she also consumes things that would be so deadly to humans. like motor oil and rocks :) hes seemingly immune to bullets and has fangs but only sometimes. shes 6ft tall and her shape is p much square ! he wears an outfit v similar to his military uniform bc everyone was like dude get some new clothes wtf. so she was like FINE *buys near-identical red beret , fishing vest , huge backpack , camo pants and boots*

tommy.... WAY too tall 2 be human. hes 7′8. taller than gman. his silhouette is very tall thin oval :) round edges again bcs hes kind ! hes lanky but a lot physically stronger than he looks. he also consumes inedible things like computer keyboards. he has fangs , his eyes glow in the dark and he can use sweetvoice to a basic extent ! he also wears suspenders and bowties along w comfy baggy clothes like sweaters & chunky sneakers or crocs ! he also wears a lot of chew jewellery and he loves patterned socks :) he also uses a cane because being SO fucking tall isnt v easy on yr joints ! he uses crutches on worse days.

bubby is. also very tall but nowhere near tommy. hes 6′5 ! he has noticeably very pale skin & neat rows of pointy teeth (altho some are probably chipped). they also have almost-clawed fingers , v pointy shape language with a tall thin rectangular kinda silhouette. theyr not v physically strong most of the time so theyre pretty scrawny. his strength works on cartoon logic tho so he can be strong sometimes if it makes the situation funnier hebfhebr.. in-game he wears p much exactly the scientist uniform w no added stuff , but post-game hes like oh shit ! i casn do what i want now !! and goes out and buys a shitload of leather jackets and chunky shoes and gets so many piercings. awesome. the piercings & studs on their clothes also add pointiness to his design :^) oh and ! they use crutches because spending most of your life suspended in goo isnt very good for your muscles .

gman ! 7′5 so also inhumanly tall. he has pale greyish skin and is pretty clearly not human , he also has fangs & his eyes glow perpetually he Cannot Turn That Off. he doesnt necessarily eat inedible stuff but he has uncharacteristic reactions to foods , like alcohol doesny affect him at all but he drinks a pint of sparkling water and wakes up in a hollowed out tree stump in the woods at 4am 2 miles from his house. he can also teleport , make himself invisible for a limited time , levitate , and shapeshift ! he has a tall thin rectangular silhouette similar to bubby , but a little wider bcs hes more imposing & strong. when hes not in one of his 50 identical suits , he wears dad clothes also; hawaiian shirts & shorts and of course... socks & sandals.

finally benrey ! he4s so small. simply small as fuck. hes generally around 4′4 , but he doesnt really have a consistent height bcs hes constantly shapeshifting because he can. they also shift their weight occasionally and their hairstyle is never consistent at all. they have pale greyish skin , the face shadow ofc is permanent as are their eyebags , and he also just . doesnt have a nose. he can smell he just doesnt have one. probably has no ears either. he has a round silhouette but sharp uneven teeth & generally p messy hair , cause hes unassuming and laid back but Can fuck u up if he wants to. which generally they dont bcs they dont actually like being in physical conflict much at all. they use a wheelchair post-canon bcs dying does that to u <3 he doesnt mind tho , he and tommy deck it the fuck OUT w stickers. he wears casual clothes like hoodies and sweatpants ,  and has a seemingly endless hat collection... chullos , helmets , ball caps , beanies , you name it ! i usually draw them with a specific hat based on the situation , like im doing an animatic of the callmecarson spelling bee and benrey has a ball cap that says “im a keeper” with a pic of a bee on it. awesome

OK THATS LIKE ALL I HAVE tysm for letting me infodump BSKJKD... if u read all of this im proud of u <3

[og-doubletrouble-kinnie]

SPOP Season 4 notes

Spoilers obvi

Gonna be a bit different from my s3 notes, as I’m p much just gonna liveblog stuff here- Since I dont wanna spoil my friends... Rip 😔

Ep 1:

Mom: Icecream cake :-D me, sobbing: Mom I love you

Every time my mom does something I cry. I love and miss her sm

YALL JUST HURTIN PERFUMA LIKE THIS-

WHY CAN THE SWORD BE A MOP-

Ya know I always thought Hordaks red teeth were fuckin weird af

GRANDMA GRANDMA GRANDMA GRANDMA

GO GET MY GIRLFRIEND YOU UGLY KITTY

EMILYYYYYYYYY AWAAAA

They really out here just reusing the princess prom outfits huh?

Really though I swear if Entrapta doesnt come back I’ll scream. You cant just trade in my beautiful amasing gf for me. I know I’m great but I swear.

Rip Auntie Angella.... 😔

I wasn’t even there for the corrination- I kinda feel bad for that but... I was alittle busy... With somethin- Hell if I know what.

HELL YEAH QUEEN GLIMMERRR

Oh hot diggity Catra-

Look I may not like her but I can really respect her tactics....

EP 2:

Okay what does Perfuma have against the crimson wastes- Hopefully its (Rightful) fear!

Oh nooo the gooooo

One does not simply call Adora soft

Aweeee Perfuma and Bow bonding...

Perfuma is cacti-phobic hahahaha

O.O Wheres the ship

Huntara eats sand and theres nothing you can do about it.

OOOO NEW TOWN NEW TOWN NEW TOWN

MEMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEME

AH YES MY FIRST WORDS ARE BEING SCORPIA AND FLIRTING WITH CATRA. HOW FITTING.

God im so dramatic I love it

Perfuma Im so proud of you bb

Hot take? Perfuma x Huntara

AWEEE IM SO HAPPYYYYYYYY

Honestly being Catra was always fun

Ep 3:

Pajamas Catra? Catra without her headband? Wild shit. Wild shit.

She cute tho ngl

Oh hecc its time to fuck with the rebels-

I s2g its rly lookin like my tl may just be flip flopped on which side I helped- Idk... its only ep 3 jfkbgf

Wittle moth society... so cute...

Flutterina... Adorable

SHE RA CAKE

The moth town leader is adorable. Precious old lady. I love her. her design is amazing. 10/10 I love her

Wait what-

Ohhhh my god what happened-

Catra if you dont start appreciating Scorpia right this second I swear to god I will appreciate her myself.

Flutterina is so precious. All her fangirling...

Are we gonna explorer the whole.. reaction catra has every time someone mentions the Portal??

MAGICAL SACRED BOND TIME

FLUTTERINA IS A PRECIOUS BABY AND I LOVE HERRR

SCORPIAAAA SIS GET OVER HERE LEMME HUG UUUU

Oh....

OH

O H

OKAY

I AM ON BOARD WITH THIS

Ep.4

Spinerella and nettossa are precious 100%

Okay but I’m right. tiny cute and pink. I didnt even catch it. I done fooled myself.

Am cutie

GRANDMAS BA C K BOIISSSSS

god I love shadow weaver. I miss her sm

B O BB N O

OKAY SPOT ON BO IMPRESSION!

IM SO CUUUTTTEEE

Yaaayyyyy Catras having fun!

WEAVER LIKES DAISIES. PRECIOUS. AWA. GWANDMAAAA

She makes great bait and u know it.

Oh no are the gfs fighting-

Catra legit thought glimmer was me I love this-

CATRA WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT GLITTER TASTES LIKE-

..... Okay literally as I type thet I get mems of her eating glitter okay cool

Ohhh That was cool-

Hey Catra dont hide your grateful attitude you dick

God I love these girlfriends

LET WEAVER BE GOOD ADORA

This is cute

Ep 5

Kyle you precious little boy

Oh are they finally gonna develop these three?

Ditzy light hope is cute light hope

SHES ALL SMILEYYYY

I love Kyle launie and roheleo... Precious

“I made a crystal :-D”

“I know what will help!” “no dont-”

Kyle I love you

“Oh trust me the information is never gonna load for you.”

Lookit these... three siblings.... Blessed babes

COMPUTER MOM HAS EMOTIONS

AWA

KYLE BABY NOOO

HARD SQUINTING AT LIGHT HOPE

EP 6

Oh boi Scoria episode here we go

God I love that she kept Emily....

Scorpia is too bright and cheery for the hoarde. Redeem her damnit

Hecc I hate that Im being so mean to the best friend squad but oooog its so fun to watch

Emily’s personality is so cuuuteee -w-

Emily scared of Catra.. precious

SCORPIA YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER-

I wanna hug her so bad

Hehehehehehe >:)

Damnit Bo, ruining my work-

CRYING

Scorpias entrapta impression tho

SCORPIA YOU TOUCH THAT GARNET GOD DAMNIT

Im gonna cry, emilys recordings....

GOD I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND-

..... Whats goin on with the Garnet...

LET GLIMMER BE DARK

THE GREATEST HUGS, SCORPIA. GREATEST HUGS

Emily youre so smart.

SCORPIA FINALLY KNOWIN SHES WORTH BETTER HELL YEAH YOU GO SISTER

Catra rly needs a hug tbh

OHHHH HELL YESSSSSS

God I wanna know more about the scorpion kingdom....

Ep 7

Mermista you are too happy when holding everyone in a room against their will

OH OKAY THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY

SPOILERS MERMISTA

Ohhh hohoho I am lovin this story~

Shadow weaver bein an embarassing mom to Adora, adorable

Adora was absolutely suspicious of Weaver in my tl 100% Sure I made her more trusted, but Adora is stubborn

BFDJKGBFJKD ENTRAPTAS HELPERS ARE IN THE CASTLE

Ooooooo This is a great ep...

Ohh Im having fun arent I~

Ohhhhhhh Shiiiiiiiiiiit Rip selenious

Ep8

I hope yallre keepin an eye on me, Or I’ll get out >:-)

Awee depressed baby :-(

SHANTYYYY

OH THIS IS PRECIOUS

Seahawk this is a terrible idea....

This better be a musical episode

BDHJFBD WRONG KIDNAPPERS

I love depressed mermista

Return of the she-mop!

Oooo seahawk past....

Awee Catra misses Scorpia

And is finally realizin shes gone

O u c h poor Seahawk

OW GLIMMER

HELL YEAH MERMISTA

“A SEAGULL TOLD ME!”

Oooo Catra, a natural born killer~

I love bein able to finally see Octavia in action

Low key musical Ep, hell yesssss

I already shipped mermista and seahawk but this ep... Is just makin me ship it more....

SCORPIA HAS MOMS

The fact that it took this long for Catra to finally go to scorpias room and check on her

How the fuck do the boats work

Ep 9

OHHHHH Razz gets the sheras mixed up thats honestly so cute-

Razz... I lov u

I love her refrences to the old charas

Razzzz awe precious.. The first time...

Oooo I love seein Mara

AWEE LIGHT HOPE SOFT FOR MARA

Good I feel bad for Razz tbh??? hoppin back and forth between Sheras

MARAS TRANSFORMATIONNNNN

God she looks so much better than Adora holy fuck

NOOO RAZZ DONT CRYYY

HOLY FUCKING SH I WHAT THE F U CFDHFDJBKJGBSKED

Hot fucking damn I didnt expect this what the sh iiiiiii

I STILL WANNA HUG RAZZ-

Ep 10

DAMN IM SO COLD XD

That fuckin POOF

PLEAAASSEE LET ME AND WEAVER BOND PLZ I WANT MY GRANDMAAAAA

Let Frosta nap 2020

SCORPIAAAA

DONT SNEAK UP BEHIND SCORPIA

Daaaamn Catra... Go take a nap hun, you look terrible

Oh sweetie.....

Glimmer please you didn’t see what they saw.

Aaaannnnd Okay the queenliness is goin to her head cool

SCORPIA BABYYYY

Caaaatttrrraaaaa

LOOPY LOOP BETRAYAL

God I love them learning the ship

FBHJSDBFSJHVFD OH MY GOD FAKE TEARS

SHE DID IT IM SO PROUD OF HERRR

Ep11

Eeeeee I hope they find my blessed gorl.....

Whats swifty hearin..

OH SHIT SHERA DOESNT WORK-

I cant believe the first ones just have a fucking dump

MICHA MICHAM ICHA ITS MY UCLE I KNOW IT

HELL YEAH BAEBEEEEEE

I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE

Sweet my uncles just a lil crazy haha

MICHA I LOV YOU

Awaaaaaa

Glimmer loses one parent and gains the other. Girl only gets one parent at a time. Hahahaha

The world has to nerf her lmao

Hell yeah hes cool!

Okay cool proof that Lighthope just wants to activate the weapon

Guys just tell him she’s a teenager omfg

Hoooooly hecc

NOOOOOOOO aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

SHE RAAAAA

MY WIIIFFFEEEE

AAAAAAAA

YAASSSS

EEEEE

Ohhhh Scorpia is the key.....

Interesting.......

Ep 12

EVEN WEAVER IS CONFUSED

You bet you ass Ive escaped bitches >:)

-cries- I’ve missed my wife

Awaaa she never changes!

Someone hug Catra I s2g

DT nooooooo

SHE SHOWS NO CONNECTION BECAUSE YOU TOOK IT WEAVER-

I adore Weaver in this season- Who am I kidding, I adore Weaver in every season

THe hoarde is led by two kids who just need some tender love and care

God Ive missed her...

SWEETIE WHY ARE YOU SO CHEERY ALL THE TIME- AAA I LOVE YOU

squinty

Uhhhggggg I now hate that I remember having a runestone of my own

Tho I DO wanna know what kinda powers Scorpia will get....

Sweetie no non onononononononononononononoono

BABY NOOO NO NO O NONONONONONONONONONO

IM GONNA CRY SHE BETTER BE OKAY-

YESS BABY

AWAAA ENTRAPTA I LOVE YOUUUU

bdhsvfbjskbfd I can only do her hair bjkvfdbgfkd

OWO IM SO SMART YET SO DUMB

HORDAK TEARS?!

Hehehehehe YES I HELPED GLIMMER

Ep 13

Nobodies followin Catra anymore lmao

Ohhhh shit Catras gonna d i e

Rip in pieces Hordak

Ohhh shiiiiiiii

SEAHAWK LIL HEART EYES

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I love callin Catra out ohhhh my g o d

OOoooooo Lightning!

I gotta question that rn Glimmer...

Damnit Hordak aint dead...

Ohhh hecc hecc hecc hecc

OH SHIT THE SWORD-

Ya rly just teleport a whole room like that-

I like horde prime-

His eyes are cool and his palette is so much nicer aaaa

Fffffuck

Fave season so far

And not just cause I’m finally in it xD

Expect more posts when the mems really start pouring... Gotta figure out how all this changed in my TL since it DEFINITELY wasn’t just like this-

[wannadiebutgottawrite]

I mean where’s your writing though? Where are the storys, whAT ARE YOU WRITING I mean if you actually post stuff I’ll low key make you fan art cause I wanna see more original content my man I see all these writing memes in your blog but haven’t yet seen any writing...

im SO shy with my writing im ngl ;;;; i havent like, gone to classes to get better or anything so im mostly self taught since i slacked off so much in high school 

but um i can tell you right now haha i mean why not, i didnt actually think anyone cared so lmao 

ive got a few stories going on but most of them are in EARLY stages, my main piece is about a girl named mishka linkovich, its a superhero theme thing so expect stupidity :3;;;; also the superhumans are called masks, whether they’re heroes or villains or vigilantes, if they have super powers then theyre masks

mishka lives in an apartment with her “step father” mordecai who used to be the worlds greatest mercenary but he retired to become a florist, but he still keeps tabs on his old shit and actually helps the local hero and his sidekick lmao im ngl im wildly proud of mordecai please ask about him

mishka has messy hazard orange hair that stops just above her shoulders and bangs that cover her left eye,gunmetal blue eyes that are p dead-looking and cold, she’s usually glaring but it’s not on purpose shes just in a lot of pain constantly haha and like. a STUPID amount of scars. like. you dont know, dude. you just dont. noteably, theres a scar across her neck from when it got Yoinked open with a broken bottle aye

she also wears baggy clothing cos she doesnt go shopping, she just gets clothes from her friends so everything she owns is a handmedown

a bit about the world, superheroes are paid to protect their cities, which they are Very territorial about and the government chooses which hero gets which city, mishkas city has a hero named Atomic Man, his sidekick is Nova Boy. 

little bit about them, they’re dumb. 

they are just dumb lmao. Atomic Man is basically picture perfect generic superhero, blond hair, blue eyes, show-off muscles (as in they are purely for decoration), super strength and flight. Nova Boy is novice level pyro since he’s still getting a hang on his power but he basically makes explosions. he is the brains so to speak because he helps make gadgets for himself and his hero, he is ALSO Atomic Man’s step son lol hes got dark brown hair and brown eyes and hes about thirteen

theres a lot of found family here jsyk lmao

mishka isnt uh the Best Person. this might sound cliche but idrc, she’s a former child soldier and mordecai is helping her work through it so she can fit into normal society but i try to make her blood thirst tie into more of an addiction type thing than glorifying it, you know?? like not ever is it viewed as a good thing but it is understood that she does need help n shit 

(if u cant tell i dont really talk about this shit a lot lmao i have no idea how to make it seem interesting or sell it to someone in anyway lol elevator pitch? the fuck is that) 

uh some stuff about mishka, she has 3 friends other than mordecai. a boy named dewey who im ngl, i vented a lot into him. like. a lot. A Lot. i feel SO bad for him lmao 

anyway next friend is Loralei, single mother, pregnant, ex-nurse, stay-at-home-mom who makes tiny toys and clothes and sells them online also she’s Super stick thin like its a concern also shes bald and has wings

btw there are winged people in this world lmao sorry, yeah, mordecai has wings too and i have like references and shit. to be more specific, the wings fit the person. they’re always like 3-5 longer than the body’s height. like mordecai is almost 7 feet tall so his wings are mcfuckin Big and also very dark brown with red undertone, very fluffy, very healthy while LORALEIS are thin, she doesnt shed her feathers properly, she is obviously underfed and looks very frail but she’s So happy and chipper all the time.

loralei always wears pink and yellow and Bright teal dont ask me why dude idk but shes a very good mom and moms @ mishka a lot and shes one of the only people mishka genuinely trusts despite the fact only dewey and mordecai know about her killing people (she doesnt want loralei to leave her, which, mood)

third friend is a shadow creature that eats people in the alley beside the apartment complex but ill. ill go into that another time. jfc.

idk this was all just slapped together in like eight minutes and im sorry haha but yeah heres. heres this. here we go. lol. thank you for asking sorry if it wasnt what you wanted love u thank you

also im not gonna proof read this even remotely so if theres something stupid then like, /shrug 

sorry if its a long reply

[ask-henry-yugi-tudor]

Just story ideas I have and wrote about a little I guess

.....

Just vote which ones you like xD

#1: Unnamed - unfinished not even 200 words of some sort au where yami is an animal

#2: King Yamir, King of illusions - unfinished Is a story where Yugi got kidnapped from his home and is now traveling back after 50 years with a dragon, a knight and two centaurs and their friend. However once he arrives, he realizes things have changed and he isnt sure if the life with the humans might have been better off, even if they got rid of his wings.

#3 Mermaids  - unfinished An au where Yugi gets himself into trouble by swimming too close to the surface and he ends up getting hit by the blade of a boat propeller. Kaiba ends up taking care of him but pegasus wants to put him on display. Atem meanwhile is furiously searching in every corner of the sea to find Yugi back and will stop at nothing to find him.

#4 Untamed  - unfinished Prince Yugi is in search of a mythical beast in the woods that bears the fruit of life on its antlers which can save his grandfather, and the current king’s life. if he fails however, his evil uncle Aknaheden will assend the throne and plunge the kingdom into destruction. Meanwhile he kidnaps a child, befriends the most sarcastic cook ever and insults a young prodigee mage along the way.

... tbh i think shiirojasmine would love what i have in store for that one but im too afraid to tag anyone in this long post.

#5 Aelves  - unfinished This story was created before King Yamir. It centered around Atem and his family which were orphans that lived on the streets before getting taken in by townspeople. Atem was the apprentice of a blacksmith bullied by a fierce adventerous knight who told him he would never make good swords, Timaël (Timaeus’ counterpart) was a sheperdboy who was afraid of sheep and Heba worked in a bakery. They find out their parents have been killed by Aelves and plan on finding these Aelves only to befriend Yami, Yugi and Timaeus because they saved one that almost drowned in the river while the other two were unnable to swim. 

This was the original idea, but there were too many characters and though i havent really written a good amount on it, this hasbeen revised into number 6

#6 Aelves  - unfinished Atem finds himself in a bind when he befriends a young Aelf when another thinks he is going to be Yugi’s candidate for the wild hunt. The wild hunt involves humans having to run as the Aelves chase them riding deer. And the human has the marry the Aelf that captures them. Also Yugi hits Atem with a frying pan because why not.

#7 The Time we Share -  finished Probably the only fanfic i have ever finished. Resolves about Yami, a social awkward young man that is in love with his introverted neighbor and has no idea how to handle it. A short oneshot. Nobody understands it. I dont even know myself.

#8 Words better left unsaid  - unfinished Another Neighbor Au Where Yami is a serial killer that partakes in weird human sacrifice rituals. Yugi is so dense however he doesnt notice it. Meanwile Yami keeps stalking him around, always knowing an excuse to be in the same place as Yugi. Eventually Yugi just takes him along because reasons he doesnt find suspicious at all. But having an infatuated serial killing stalker is a good thing when the world finds out you are in possession of an ancient artifact made of solid gold and everyone wants to kill you.

#9 Mirror Immage - unfinished (this is an old one) What if there was a life on the other side of the mirror that was the entire opposite of your own yet still looked exactly the same? And what if you fell through? What if your Mirror Immage was right beside you, instead of being a mere reflection? #10 We create this world - unfinished Based on an old fanfiction of mine called Need A Second to Breathe- basically it is a rewrite of this- In where Yami, Atem and the other egyptiantied cast are the incarnated gods of Egypt. Yami is not allowed to enter the Human world but does so anyway, finding Yugi. He uses his godlike powers to make Yugi happy and angers Atem further. However Atem once made the same mistake of falling in love with a human called Heba, and Yugi looking like Heba is not helping in the slightest. Yugi keeps having viseons of Heba, whos ghost has returned from the underworld, however at the terrible price of being possessed by an evil spirit. And yugi has to choose between giving up his body to save Heba, or not doing so, in turn losing Yami.

#11 A Shadow’s cast - unfinished I think I was either very tired or sick writing this one because it doesnt make any sense. Basically Yugi wakes to find a visitor in his home that is trying to hide from an organisation that is trying to hurt hus guest. Needs a desperate rewrite. 

#12 The Cecaelia - unfinished but up for reading Here What do you do when you find a little creature out on the beach being attacked by seagulls? Chuck it back into the ocean, or take care of it? #13 Mob Boss Yugi - unfinished This kind of was based on Shiirojasmine’s 3 gods au and it sort of formed into my own concoction I suppose. An au where Yugi often blacks out and becomes Yami, one of the greatest mob bosses the world has ever seen. Mai and Joey being undercover agents. Yugi gets scared and writes letters to his other self, finding out that he is a mere puppet that is to serve Atem. Atem is being captured by an evil organisation and has year to pay all his depts using Yugi, or he will be killed. A heist takes place at school and Yugi can no longer determine wether he is a high school student or a wanted drugdealer.

 #14 Beast Assylum  - unfinished  A creepy Au where Yugi and Atem have been subjected to Lycanthropy and are being locked away so they cant hurt any innocent people ever again. Instead they are being used to get rid of people society doesnt want and or need.  Atem is a crybaby. Yugi has been planning his escape for a long time now, why has he started to care for the other, this was not supposed to happen! #15 Baby And a Pharo  - unfinished A spoof fanfiction where Yugi solves a puzzle as a baby and somehow it is a portal to the past. The Egyptians think he is son or Ra and Atem takes Yugi under his wing. However Time in Yugis verse moves faster and He has to make the disission wether he wants to stay with Atem forever or not. #16 Two Necromancers - unfinished Two necromancers. A prince and a thief. They both get resurrected to life to stop big threat to the world.What the two necromancers didn't account for was that they were sworn enemies. #17 Darkness beast  - unfinished This one is too long to explain so enjoy the short version Kaiba and Dartz open up a portal to a knight-and-dragon Era and get the kings of the land they opened the portal on at their sides, Dartz tries to provoke a war, Yugi tries to stop him, Atem goes missing and then Yugi has to take care of a shadow like creature, until Dartz decides to put it onto the chessboard and use it as a threath to Kaiba and his alliences. 

#18 Demons - unfinished Demons. When the world discovered that demons could be summoned to do one’s bidding, they didn’t quite understand what that meant. People were naïve and greedy. And it wouldn’t be long before one would summon something that nobody could control. Basically Ludus’s origin story. Needs a good solid rewrite.

#19 Mewtwo Yami  - unfinished A stupid crossover where Yami ends up  being raised by Mewtwo, thinks he is a pokemon, meets Yugi and wants to compete in pokemon battles (bullies Yugi into being his trainer so he can compete) to prove he is the strongest “pokemon” to make Mewtwo proud of him.

#20 The Assylum  - unfinished Another one of these fics. basically what you would expect. Yami has the ability to see monsters that disguise themselves as humans and exterminates them, Yugi thinks he is just a mentally sick, cold blooded killer. Truth is Yami is also a monster.

#21 Chasing You  - unfinished Ai Atem gets the task to find Yugi, so Atem can hold him in his arms, but Ai Atem has his own sights set on Kaiba. Feeling conflicted because he is more than a mere replica. He is better than that real Atem! Yet he wants to know what Atem and Yugi’s relationship was like. Was it love? Is that what he is feeling?

#22 The God Bird Au - unfinished One Day Harpies descended from the skies to terrorize the little village that Yugi lives in. When one sets his sights on Yugi, the youngster ignores him. He has bigger problems than listening to the flirting of an overgrown bird. And who is this snowy owl-creature that sounds so familiar? 

#23 He’s not a retard  - unfinished What is it with me and Yami being a killer? oh dear... Yami is an intelectually impaired, wheelchair-ridden person however he is what goes bump in the night. Yugi is his caretaker and never bargained for any of his shit. Not the part where he saves a plane from getting hijacked, and not the part where they get stuck in a tomb in egypt!

#24 Yami’s Angel  - unfinished I think this was like my first Yugioh Au  Yami finds a small, unconcious Angel and befriends the little guy and takes care of him. Yugi loves strawberries and chaos ensues because Yugi ALWAYS gets lost in public places. Later in the story he finds out Ryou has the same problem. Except he has a little devil. #25 The Wheelchair Au - unfinished  A combination of the two ideas above. Atem, after a suicidal attempt which caused him to lose both his legs and a finger, refuses to undergo any opperation which could make him use prostetic legs in order to walk again. With nobody to care for him, he stays at the hospital. However one night he hearsa small voice, which is Yugi, his guardian angel, and if they fuse, Atem regains his legs. However if they remain fused for longer than 3 hours, Yugi will disappear.

#26 Dancing in Eternal winter Yugi gets stuck on a mountain with a jock who doesnt understand any language Yugi knows. Spirit Animals are there to help. Yugi then realises that Yami is unable to reintigrate into society, because he has been living on his own all this time, surviving, and his spirit Animal would be much too dangerous. No matter how nice Gulo is.

#27 The Levitated Mansion  - unfinished Atem Lives in a wealthy family and loves to look at the stars with his telescope. However one day he sees a levitated mansion, the owner of said mansion has an eye on him. #28 Shapeshifters  - unfinished Yugi is working at an orphanage when he meets an old Ijiraat, a shapeshifter that you forget after seeing him. However the more time Yugi spends with him, the more he keeps remembering. #29 Sphinxson Yugi  - unfinished Atem lives in a village that has deemed him crazy because he swears he sees monsters. Kaiba is a monster hunter and decides to exploit the scared youth. Yugi is a Sphinx that cant wait for his human grandfather to return, but how long has it been? Just a few days, right?

#30 Pokemon  - unfinished Another Pokemon Au. Yugi is an Eevee that has been taken in by the Kaiba brothers, but after a mishap in the trophee room and Evolving into a Vaporeon, What will happen to the young pokemon? #31 We Are Not Alone - unfinished An Alien Refugee gets mistaken by the Egyptian people as a god, and teach him their ways, however another of his kind is on their way to kill him. Can Atem and Yugi fight this evil Alien or not? And Where is Atem’s family?  #32 Safe and Sound - unfinished A comfort/hurt oneshot fic where Yugi scolds Yami for hurting people, even if it is for protecting him. Basically the idea was that this event is what made Yami stop his evil penalty games.

#33 On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red rose between his teeth  - unfinished Yugi is a werewolf that mistakingly kills a sheep of Yami and Ryou’s farm. However Yami and Ryou do not seem to realise who their guest is until Yami finds Yugi’s bloodied clothes on the floor one day as he returns home. thinking th beast that fled out of the window devoured him whole. Yugi tries to keep running, not wanting Yami to know he is a beast, but Yami keeps hunting, dead on bringing the beast down. #34 Bone Datem  - unfinished A schooltrip to Egypt turns into chaos when Yugi gets trapped into a tomb and tries to make his way out. However when he finds a living Mummy that follows him around and wants him to steal the millennium puzzle from the Museum, he finds himself in an even bigger hastle than he bargained for.

#35 Unnamed genderbend Yugi Blindshipping Au  - unfinished Yami and Atem are two gang members that hate each other. However yami is a playboy and gets cursed by a witch. Everytime the sun is down he transforms into a girl. But this girl doesnt remember anything and thinks her name is Yugi. One time, yami does not get home in time and this leads to yugi meeting atem who instantly falls in love with her. Theres little things though like yami being able to see everything yugi does and sometimes controlling her body or mind. At one point when atem tries to kiss him, she punches him bc yami in no way is gonna kiss that bastard xD atem mistakes it as hes gone too far and yugi is just superconfused why she did that xD I already know what i want the end to be but its kind of a sad part on yami's part? Also there is a part where atem finds out yugi is actually yami or something

#36 The Superhero Au  - unfinished Yugi is in a happy relationship with his boyfriend atem but what he doesnt know is that Atem is also the Supervillain Yami. And Atem himself has no control over it whatsoever. The rules of the world is that one who can summon strong monsters are either superheroes or villains. However Yami can only summon a small little Kuroboh, and giving Yugi more trouble than ever. Atem on the other hand claims he has never been able to summon a monster before.

#37 Demon boyfriend Atem  This was supposedly a parody idea where Atem lost his temper way too quick and started yelling in a demonic voice (ind of like Aggretsuko lol) And Yugi wasnt really phased by it at all because at the end of the day he knows atem loves him xD Even if it scares his friends a little.

#38 I wanna steal your heart (and eat your brains)  - unfinished Title was based on a song. Yugi is a zombie and has been dating Atem and chaos ensuess. Kaiba also is a zombie and has been experimenting on himself and discovered some odd perks of being a zombie. (honestlyno plot just shenanigans and lovers quarrels)

[darkworkcourier]

im 👀 at anything that combines johns neurosis over being good/bad and another character (dep? idk anyone else) with the endless well of patience and love required to break him of it, and i feel like you’d do him justice

oooooOOOOOOH i got u bb. i will try my best to nail it.

and since you sent this to my NSFW blog, i’m assuming you want this to be NSFW? if not, too late.

(also, i’m almost sorry for how long this got. almost.)

- - -

The Deputy is a thing to be cleansed. John knows this, the same way his family must know. Sin rests on their shoulders like a pet, content to just sit and be coddled, and the Deputy allows this to happen. They are not pure; they are tainted, and at this point, it doesn’t matter if John drowns them in the baptismal waters, if he claws word after word into their flesh, only to rip it from them, down to muscle and bone, down to the very atoms that construct them. 

He’s pondered this for weeks now, and after their escape from the bunker (and oh, how Deputy Hudson will be punished for that!), John keeps himself awake, his heart palpitating, his mind searching for how the situation could have gone so wrong. His is a righteous path. It is a path set by Joseph, who has been nothing but right since he found John. Joseph has laid out the divine future before his family, and aside from a few minor mishaps, it’s all gone to plan. So how, how could the Deputy have twisted everything so monumentally? How could they throw a wrench into perfect machinery?

Hell followed, Joseph had intoned. Hell is apt, because that is what the Deputy leaves behind.

If the Deputy is not stopped, is not cleansed, then the duty will fall to Jacob or Faith. Joseph will know that John failed. It’s Pride, John imagines his brother whispering to him, a knife like a precious relic in his hand. Pride goeth before the fall. And John, my dear brother, you have fallen quite a distance.

John imagines the burn on his skin, the electric circuitry of P-R-I-D-E; each letter forming a hot current of the agony of purification. He knows the sensation intimately, has held it close to his heart like a prayer. 

And God and Joseph as his witnesses, he will make the Deputy know that pain.

- - -

His chance comes one black night, when the moon turns its face away from earth and leaves only a cold shadow. Holland Valley is swallowed by this darkness, but John feels as though the brightest ray of sunlight is falling upon him. Providence, at last. 

The Deputy is his after a lengthy altercation. There was a great deal of shooting on a ridge overlooking some out of the way rest area. Sparks of gunpowder lit the air like fireflies, and the smell of burning saltpeter turned the air acrid. But John had breathed it in like holy incense, relishing in its sting. There had been a shout about a hundred yards up the ridge, and then one of his men had brought down the unconscious body of the Deputy. They were limp and lifeless over the man’s shoulder. When they were dropped down at John’s feet, it was an offering that any saint would have rejoiced over. 

Now he watches them with interest, this God-given gift. Here, in a boathouse, under sickly yellow light, they look the type of the martyr. Beaten, bruised, bloody. It’s all so beautiful. He wishes he could capture the image forever, but an icon is not meant to be worshiped. His fingers feel as if they are tipped in static for his need to touch, to mar them, to carve a saint out of the bones of a sinner the way he knows he can. 

When they wake, he wishes he could swallow the very breath they gasp out. 

He’s gotten wiser this time. Joseph would be proud (and God, does he hope he would), with how securely they’re bound to the chair. They’re bound in straps and cables, held in place by knots of an expert hand. Even if they were to try what they did in the bunker and escape while still in the chair, the only way they could fall is into the water, and then the cleansing waters will steal their life away. John wants to laugh at the poetic beauty of it all. The only thing he hasn’t bound is their mouth, because he wants to hear the sounds of their Atonement as he carves it into them, as he pulls their Confession from their very ribs, scream by scream. 

They peer up at him with bruised eyes, wide and frightened and wondering. 

“Oh, Deputy,” John says slowly, walking around their chair in order to see them at every angle. He smiles, watching their fingers twitch, the muscles in their arms jump. “You won’t get very far this time. I won’t even offer an apology for that, as our last meeting was so rudely interrupted by your selfishness.”

It had been selfish. To leave behind his gifts, their own chance at being cleansed! 

Although, to be fair, they had so readily volunteered. They had said Yes, even when the words trembled on their lips, and their eyes had locked on Hudson as if she were the only reason for the cause. No matter. Yes was the operative word.

He reaches out, brushing some of the hair away from the Deputy’s face. They stay still, eyes following his hand, only to flit back to his face. “I’ll be gentle,” he promises. “I won’t forget that you said Yes. You do remember that, don’t you?”

They stay silent, but their eyes tell them all he needs to know.

Yes.

Yes.

His smile grows. His hands brush over their hair the way a parent might comfort a child. Might, because John has only ever known hands that meant to harm. He will show the Deputy something different. He will show them the hands of one under the power of the Father who will not harm his Child, no matter how far they’ve fallen from the potential of grace.

“You still have a chance,” John murmurs to them. He leans in so he can smell them. They smell like gunpowder, sweat, and blood. He can smell Wrath, the burning scent of war and death, and it just confirms what he’s known all along. “You can atone here, in this place, and finally find the peace you’re searching for. That thing you hunt, that you pretend that you’ll find in the carcasses of those you’ve killed?” He laughs, reaching up and running a thumb along their cheekbone, smearing a rust-red streak of blood. “You call it peace, but you won’t find it out there.”

He stands up, lifting his thumb to his mouth to lick the blood away. It may be the Deputy’s, or it may be one of his own Followers. It doesn’t matter, especially in comparison to the wide-eyed stare the Deputy gives him, like they’re trying to decide if he’s the manifestation of a dream or not.

He turns away, walking toward a rusting yellow toolbox, full of fishing tackle and random bits of hardware. But the object of his pursuit is a red-handled fishing knife, the blade like a gentle swoop of metal, meant to slice away scales and open the bellies of cold, dead-eyed creatures. He takes it with a flourish, switching it from his right hand to his left and back again. When he turns around to face the Deputy, their eyes fall to the knife. 

“I’ll give you a moment to consider your Confession,” John says. He gives them a smile like he might have given when he was a lawyer. It’s an almost sickening expression, all charisma and calmness. I’m here to assuage your fears and anxieties, it says. I’m here to tell you that you will succeed, no matter the obstacles.

But the Deputy just keeps staring, rather like they’re judging him. 

“I don’t have to,” they say at last.

John almost falters. Almost. 

“Come again?” 

He sees a shift in their shoulders; a shrug bound in bungee cord and duct tape. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought a confession was something I had to choose to do,” the Deputy says, as casual as they can. It’s as if they’re discussing the point over dinner. “I know that by your estimation, I’ve sinned. But any church can tell me I’ve sinned and it won’t matter unless I come to them willingly with a confession prepared.”

John grips the handle of the knife tighter, but his smile stays fixed. “And haven’t you? You were on that ridge, after all. You’ve repeatedly come into my territory with your sins bared.”

Another shrug. “You could say that, but it wouldn’t be true,” they parry. John hates how calm they sound. His fingers itch to slice silence into their throat. If they sense danger radiating from him, they resolutely refuse to acknowledge it. “Confession wasn’t my intent. I mean, if Holland Valley is your… I don’t know, divine dominion, or whatever you’d call it? Hell, you can sin in a church if you want to. I could commit adultery, worship false idols, disobey my family, and it wouldn’t matter unless I came to you explicitly and said that I wanted to confess. Right?”

He doesn’t confirm their question. He doesn’t, because it’s wrong. They are a sinner and they’ve fallen into his hands, and it’s his ordained job to rid them of the cancerous thing inside of them, by whatever means necessary.

John grits his teeth, and his smile turns into something more predatory. He gets up close to them, the blade of the fishing knife hovering just over their chest. He can see the even beats of their heart through their shirt. “You will confess,” he promises. “I’ve told you that before, and I’ll say it again. Your sins are a black mark upon your soul, and you will say Yes a hundred times more until each sin is scoured from you.”

“Then that’s a threat, and not a confession. Kind of one-sided, John,” the Deputy replies. It seems as if John was holding a chainsaw to their neck, they would say the same thing. Then, their brows furrow in something that bares a close resemblance to pity. “Just because you were taught one kind of lesson doesn’t mean that the same lesson applies to everyone. Or that the lesson was right in the first place.”

He almost stabs them then and there.

Instead, he’s in their space, blade pressed up against their neck. He hisses in their face, watching their eyes dart about, trying to find one thing to focus on. The blade nicks them, and a tiny droplet of blood snakes down their neck until it soaks into the collar of their shirt. They don’t flinch. “I have given you time, and I have given you the very extent of my patience. Like it or not, you will confess. You will give me every last syllable of your sins, and you will mean it all down to the last word.”

The two of them are silent, save for their breathing. John’s is heavy and rushed through his lips, while the Deputy breaths slowly through their nose. Their scent is a tangible weight upon him, marking them, and John wants to–

Damnit. He wants to–

The sharp ping! of a bullet hitting corrugated steel brings him out of his trance, biting through the red haze of his anger. There are shouts on the other side of the boathouse’s walls, and John stands up straight, snarling in frustration. He picks up the radio from beside a workbench. “What is going on out there?”

The transmission is garbled at first; just unintelligible shouts through static. “It’s– Resistance forces– coming through the–” The radio cuts out there with another sharp tattoo of gunfire, some of it hitting the boathouse like hail. 

In fury, John rounds on the Deputy who doesn’t seem perturbed. They smile like a saint standing among the condemned. “Jess was up there on the ridge,” they explain. “No one caught her.”

Jess Black. The Huntress. He can imagine her going through the underbrush, as silent as a cat, following the capture party to the boathouse before radioing for backup.

John wants to rip the woman apart with his bare hands, or save her for whatever Jacob wishes to inflict.

Then, the Deputy laughs. They tap their feet against the cracked concrete floor and smile at him like they’ve shared a joke. “I’d start running, John,” they say. “Jess has got it out for you, and she’s probably going to have to wait in line behind the people she’s called.”

He looks between the door and the black water of the boathouse port, leading out to a dark forest and at least five hundred yards in a freezing current to anything resembling civilization. On the other side of the door is a dead contingent of his people, and what is probably a living wall of angry Resistance. John is proud of what he has and what he’s done, but he hasn’t come this far due in part to any idiocy. He knows when a situation has gone sour.

John swears, loudly.

He brandishes the knife at the Deputy one more time. “This isn’t over,” he hisses. “You know it isn’t.”

Pity again. He wants to cut the look from their face like the scales from a fish. He hates it.

“I know,” they say.

Something metallic buckles against the door, and John turns in time to see the hinges struggle against whatever’s impacted it. He grimaces and throws the knife aside before jumping into the water. The cold steals his breath, but he steels himself against it and kicks off the algae-coated stone below him. 

While he swims away, he can still hear the Deputy’s laughter in his head.

- - -

Joseph finds out about the failed Confession within the day. He doesn’t pay a visit to John, but his words from a phone call are enough to haunt John. They follow him into his restless sleep, and what he dreams he manages to have are full of the disappointed stare of his brother, the flash of anger hidden behind amber lenses.

“Your sin blinded you, brother,” these phantoms of Joseph whisper. In the dreams, cold hands cover John’s eyes and his mouth, keeping him from confessing in desperation. “You have allowed yourself to be consumed by that which you’ve sworn to atone for. I expected better, John.”

More voices fill the black void hidden in those hands. “Sin is born and festers in idleness,” says his mother. “Confess! You know what you’ve done!” says his father.

John feels the searing of sin into his flesh. Pride for expecting it to go well, that a meager company of people could contain the Deputy. Wrath for his unchecked anger. Sloth for failing to stop the Deputy and the Resistance. And Lust for–

He opens his eyes, met with the same cold darkness of his bedroom at the Ranch. His chest is heaving, sweat a cold sheen on his skin. The stinging of atonement is absent, merely a phantom pain. 

The yawning emptiness it leaves behind, however, is very real. 

John stares into the darkness, thinking, wondering not for the first time how everything could have gone so wrong. We’re righteous, he thinks. We’re doing the right thing. We’re doing what Joseph’s commanded.

But he thinks of the Deputy, and how things have been going so right for them as well. It makes him think of one of Joseph’s lessons, after he had seared PRIDE into John’s flesh the first time. Joseph had pressed his forehead against John’s, his breathing so calm and slow, his hands on John’s shoulders as blood stained his fingers.

John says now what Joseph said then, “God will not strike down the righteous and good. He will allow some sacrifice, but He will never take the lives of those whose cause is just.”

Some sacrifice. John thinks about the piles of bodies smoldering in mass burn pits and rotting in graves of dozens. Each and every Follower was given a similar lesson about their cause. Each believed that God and Joseph would protect them, because they were all meant to reach Eden’s Gate together.

But God has spared the Deputy and their people as well, and they’re the antithesis of Joseph’s mission.

The void’s edges are cracked like broken glass, and John strays away from it as much as he can.

He hardly notices his hand travelling downwards until he feels his own fingers slip beneath the waistband of his boxers, reaching up to grasp his cock with his thumb sliding up over the head. Lust has been one sin that he can’t quite shake, and he feels it commingling with his Wrath, his Greed, his Sloth, his Pride. It takes the form of the Deputy, as beautiful as the image of the Devil is supposed to be. He sees them in his mind’s eye, as sinful and tainted as they can be, but with this halo of righteous light, this corona of goodness and mercy. Hell takes on the shades of Heaven, wears it like a mask, and kisses John’s skin with it.

His hand trembles on his cock, but he strokes himself regardless, eyes rolling back in his head.

He imagines the Deputy’s hand on him, their strokes slow and methodical. Their lips press with the weight of a shadow on his shoulders, his neck, his jaw. They whisper terrible, evil things into his ears. The unspeakable fills his head as they work him closer and closer to the precipice of something flawed and filthy; to the absolution of wickedness realized.

They are Legion personified, but instead of swine, they press the demons into John’s flesh. Their words are an incantation, an act of witchcraft, a forbidden thing that John cannot fight. Their tongue draws symbols of darkness on his skin while their fingers press a tight ring around his cock, a mimic of things to come. They kiss their way down his body, leaving trails of cold hellfire down his skin. Then, they consume him like the flames of the ungodly, their mouth forming a seal over his cock, swallowing him down like a libation.

He moans into the darkness, writhing and arching off the bed. 

John is an open receptacle for the devilry they give him. He is wide open and vulnerable; he is spread out before them, ready and waiting. “Yes,” he whispers to them, to this phantasm of corruption and death. “Fuck, yes.”

The Deputy licks him obscenely, sucks him off, uses their hands in some form of dark art to coax him closer and closer to that cliff. You would jump for me, they whisper, their voice low like the growl of a demon. His precum is a shine on their bottom lip, under fangs set in a wide grin.

He nods, desperate. “Yes, yes. Oh God, I’d–”

God’s name in vain. They laugh and take him into their mouth, into their throat, soft and warm muscles fluttering against his length. They hum and moan and it’s all hellish music in his ears. The song is played louder and louder through the circuitry of his veins and capillaries, deafening when it reaches his arteries and plunges like a blade into his heart.

He comes harder than he’s ever come in his life, his mind going white as he teeters over the edge. And the herd, numbering two or three thousand, plunged into the sea, he thinks, and hysterical laughter sparks like fire from flint in his chest. For a moment more, he thinks he sees the Deputy, crowned in starlight, smiling beatifically at him from the end of his bed. They are beautiful and clean and perfect, and they’re gone in a blink of an eye. John is left alone in the dark room, his spend rapidly cooling on his hand and his stomach, patches of it cold and wet on the fabric of his boxers.

He feels stunned and hollowed out. He feels all those holes he had spent years attempting to fill, all reopened and emptied of their useless weight of cargo. 

“God will not strike down the righteous and good,” he whispers again, clinging to each word. “He will not…”

The Deputy has never been struck down, but John has. 

Silence. There is only the soft hiss of the air conditioner and the faint rattle of the wind against the walls.

“Fuck,” he whispers to nothing at all.

- - -

A radio call comes the next afternoon, as John sits on the balcony of the hangar. The wind bends the tops of the pines in the distance, and he watches them with eyes still heavy and gritty with exhaustion. Sleep evaded him for the better part of the night, and when it managed to succeed, his dreams replaced Joseph with the Deputy, and became too complicated to rest through.

A soft electric chirp draws him out of his haze, and he barely musters the strength to give the go ahead to the other party. He half expects it to be Joseph, threatening arrival and inevitable chastisement. John has already gotten a bottle of hydrogen peroxide ready for what he knows must be coming.

“John?”

The voice of the Deputy is almost enough to make John drop the entire contraption. He fumbles with the speaker, adrenaline hitting him right where he needs it. However, the radio chirps again before he can reply.

“Hey, I don’t even know if you can hear me right now. I’m just kind of taking a chance here, but…” They trail off, hesitant. John wants to encourage them to speak, but doesn’t want to risk interrupting them. The memories of last night are too fresh. He wants to savor every word that comes from their body. “I think I’m… I’m ready to confess.”

Silence.

Chirp.

“I think both of us are ready to confess, Deputy” says John. His words jump out before he can reign them in. “Somewhere a little more secluded, though.”

He can almost picture them smiling, saintlike, lovely.

“Yeah,” they reply. “I’d like that. Confessions are meant to be private, after all.”

[filthy-reckless-rp]

Congratulations Ailin! Kylie Greenaway is all yours. Oh my gosh, we could just gush about Kylie for the rest of time but more importantly so could you. You’ve definitely tuned into her character, focusing just right on her relationship with Joy and her tendency to backbench the things that she wants for the sake of others. Her #intensity too was just exactly how I envisioned her relationship with Frankie and I loved reading you build on that aspect of her. There’s so much to work with and we cannot wait to see what you do with her!! Plus the Greenaway/Watts family interactions, I am excited!!

Please send your account in ASAP and you know the rest.

--Admin P

Canon Application:

Character Name: kylie greenaway

Why do you want this character?: kylie is this young woman with such a huge potential that lives in the shadow of a sister that underestimates her because of her own ego, that just wants to be the best and will be the best, whereas kylie’s desires are simpler: friends, love and the right amount of fun that any twnety-one year old wants to be having in the big apple. she pretends to be so different, so distant from the paps world, the rumors and the tabloids, but she’s drawn to it because she wants it, too! she’s been neglected by her family and herself. she shrunk herself into occupying the lesser space the better, and left all that space for joy to be the star of the show. the sharpay evans, and she’s just kelsey, the pianist, that gets substituted by a stereo. and yet kylie isn’t resentful towards her sister? no, she isn’t. she likes seeing her thrive and more often than not finds herself being worried. all in all, she wants her sister’s love and happiness before some… acting career. or julliard. or any crush. for now, of course. all things change in the UES with the right stimuli and the right amount of pressure. will the shadows continue to be enough or will she be swayed to hop into the fame bandwagon? to say screw you and take up the space she could be occupying? to allow herself be hurt over her failed not-relationship with frankie? nobody can be so good and pure all the time… least of all in the upper easy side.

Any changes?: hell nah i adore her

Wanted connections?: we’ll see but she got plenty so i’m pumped

Character’s birthday: july 19th (i couldn’t find if joy’s bday was up so i done it, but if it’s already up somewhere nd i missed it do tell me pls <3), with cancer sun, scorp moon and libra rising.

3 virtues and 3 flaws, explaining each:

PEACE-MAKER: kylie’s not the fondest of confrontation. well, she can do confrontation, but she doesn’t want to most of the time. she wants to be liked or, at the very least, more invisible than anything else. perhaps that wouldn’t be so and she wouldn’t be battling her desire to go out to the world and show them what she’s made of if she hadn’t grown up next to thundergirl joy. it’s okay, it’s whatever, and not talking about it nor acknowledging it is totally the way to go for it to not blow over, definitely. in kylie’s head, ceasing to be the peace-maker, ceasing to compromise her own desires for her sister’s would mean the end of an era. an era of calm and balance, and she’s not ready for that. she’s not, she’s not. this is not to say she doesn’t have a backbone, because she’ll bite back and she’ll bite back hard. she’s a peace-maker in the way that she keeps balance and shrinks herself, but she takes absolutely no bullshit. sarcasm queen supreme.

ADAPTABLE: you won’t find kylie greenaway being down in the dumps. ever. she is constantly happy, constantly adapting herself to circumstances. constantly spreading smiles that radiate warmth and welcomeness, or she’s quiet. that’s the closest she gets to being down in public, becoming aloof and taciturn and ignoring absolutely everyone except for her parents.

THEATRICAL: with her people, she adores to put on a show and make people laugh. when she tells an anecdote, she invests herself wholly and acts it out like a play. kylie’s charisma is magnetic and her theatrical antics are one of her worst-kept secrets. even in the way she presents herself, she puts on a show. she likes to call attention to herself, she likes to be the spotlight when the spotlight is willfully given to her, and she can own up to it with natural skill.

CONCEAL-DON’T-FEEL ARCHETYPE: it’s whatever is one of her most commonly used phrases about… well, just about everything. it’s easier if she just ignores that things affect her, that she has actual emotions aside from a smile or her nose in some type of book. but what is she supposed to do? show that she’s hurting, lost in life or scared shitless? hell no, that’s not her, y’know. perhaps when she was younger, she’d tell her mother about it, but then again, where did she learn her conceal don’t feel routine from if not from mrs. greenaway?

COWARD: this is not to say kylie greenaway doesn’t enjoy jumping off choppers, or high-risk sports like swimming with sharks and hamptons brunches with cricket games post-caviar, she does. but if she doesn’t impose herself to people when they push her around and occupy the space she is entitled to taking up, when she has to shrink herself again, it’s because she is afraid. doing that would include upsetting a certain stabilished balance and it’s whatever (more like “i’m terrified things will never be the same and people will absolutely hate me for that”, read by “people”, her sister and the rest of her family).

EMOTIONAL EXTREMIST: kylie’s very intense, she lives and breathes for the rush of adrenaline certain situations and emotions give her. in love, she’s an extremist. not with the other person, no, because she does understand people have their rhythm to life (although she would very much enjoy someone keeping up with her franctic pace), but within herself. she’s had more crushes than she dares count and they’ve all been so intense that she’d dare call it love each and every time. right now, she doesn’t take up space in her own life, but it feels like if she were to own up to the space that’s rightfully hers and start really living and stop postponing life like a snoozhed alarm, she’d go hard and win it over in a whim, unapologetic and proud. extremes are the only way she can feel comfortable, greys make her uncomfortable within herself, although she tends to choose the middle ground for surviving circumstances (exterior), inside it’s a whole other world.

If you don’t get this character, who would be your second choice?: nah im good

Para Sample (A couple of paragraphs, as the character you’re applying for):

sat by the window, her leg hops up and down franctically, without her noticing in the least.           ‘ kylie … ‘         no response ,      teeth stop squeezing the top of the pen and it starts tapping against the marble counter where a maid cut fruit and her mother supervised the process ,    not like beatriz knew how to properly cut fruit apparently .          ‘ kylie ,     are you listening to me ,   child ? ‘         a hand comes down on her tapping pen ,   stops the motions dead ,     the young woman’s eyes drift from her turned - off cellphone screen to her mother’s furrowed brows and displeased face .

she missed her father .

         ‘    yeah   ——–   no ,     not really .      sorry ,     mom ,     i’m –   ‘           damned before telling you what’s up with me ,          kylie thought and while the thought mildly distressed her ,    it wasn’t long until she’d supressed the nostalgic wave of times gone by when she’d tell everything to her mother ,     with her head laid down on her lap and manicured nails wading through her long ,     un - dyed locks .      but her mom’s not willing to wait for kylie to explain herself and it’s only enough for kylie to be looking at her for the woman to keep droning on about …     whatever it was that she was droning about .      failed marriages or gossips about old people ,     possibly her sister’s character in the tv show and how absolutely   incompetent   was her agent proving to be .     meanwhile ,    kylie’s waiting for a …      CALL  !!     a call !     her phone screen lights up and she grabs it before her mother can see the caller’s ID ,     or the panicked thrill in her face ,     hops off the stool .          ‘    i   —–   gotta go ,     i -   ‘           giggling nervously ,     the woman slowly starts backing away ,     grinning at her mother’s confusion .      she needs to get the phone ,   but she can’t do it in front of her mother ,     so she’s quick to turn on her heels and sprint off ,    reaching the front door in a flash as she called out   BYESEEYOULATERSORRYILOVEYOU  ,    the sound of the door slamming shut .

with no breaths inbetween ,     nothing to calm herself down ,     she picks up and it’s the producer ,    once again calling her to see if she’s made up a decision already .            ‘  kylie greenaway !      the missing half to my greenaway duo !  ‘           of course ,     of course ,      ( her heart drops a little ) ,      it’s okay ,     it’s whatever .                    ‘  heeeey ,   doug …   ‘             she begins ,     walking over to her car and getting inside with her phone on speaker ,      backing it out the driveway .                ‘  can y’ hold on a sec?     i gotta get out of the house and y’know ,     the paps .  ‘             it’s not like she’s waiting for an answer ,    much like her mother in that sense ,     she turns the cellphone’s screen downwards and waits for the gates to open ,     tinted glasses up and unforgiving to the photographers .       once she’s far enough so that no rumors could possibly spark up ,      she lowers her window ,     smiles to the mirror as she heads for the coast .                 ‘   sorry ,     safety measures .   ‘             her voice is apologetic enough for doug to perceive it ,     but he’s a producer and he doesn’t give a shit .            ‘   safety for what ,    sugar ?      will you tell me if you’re joining the team or you’re joining the team ?     ‘cause it will happen eventually and i’d like it to be sooner rather than later .     did   you see the script i sent you ?      we’re waiting for an answer to announce it to the crew ,   sugar .    ‘

that makes her stomach turn ,    cartwheel turns in her guts .     kylie swallows thickly .             ‘   you think you can hold off telling the crew for a little bit longer ?     i  ——  wanna tell my sister first .  ‘          tell her what ?         ‘   IS THAT A YES I’M HEARING ?     FUCK YEAH SUGAR YOU KNOW IT !   ‘         oh fuck .                ‘    NO !    no no no no no ,    no !!      i mean i want to   talk  to her about it first and see how she feels with it ,     i’m not saying yes !    ‘           but there’s no remedy ,     doug’s gotten the   emotional   yes that he wanted ,     so now all that’s left is …         ‘   we’ll meet with the writers tomorrow ,     do what y’ have t’ do before then ,    sugar .      you’re gonna be famous as   fuck ,     gorgeous !     ‘             is that good news ?    her heart’s thrumming in her chest ,     ringing in her ears ,    deafening her .    she’s terrified ,    terrified ,    oh so terrified .    how’s she supposed to tell joy     hey i was offered a part in your tv show and i kinda maybe already said yes without talking to you but anyway you don’t mind do you?      maybe if she clarified     you’re still the favourite in everything and you can keep the paps and the tabloids   the blow wouldn’t be that hard .                ‘     o -  okay …     i’ll ——- yeah ,    sure ,    i’ll do that .     see ya then …    ‘              

okay ,     so she’s terrified but she’s also    happy .     excited .     thrilled .          ‘   i’ll send you the specifics tomorrow ,   keep an eye out and keep your panties on .    ‘           the line goes dead .         there’s a moment of …    nothing .     silence .     pulling over ,     she stops .         her hands girp the steering wheel with mighty force ,      her breathing is agitated and her eyes remain wide and set on nothing in particular ,    the mid - distance .         but then she begins laughing ,     a watery laugh that comes with her eyes glassing over .     fingers let go of the steering wheel while she leans back on her seat and breathes out .       the tears wash off ,    replaced by a wide grin that takes up her whole face .  

‘   here’s to new beginnings ,     kylie .   ‘              she mutters to herself ,     turning the radio up and flooring the accelerator .         terrified ,    but excited nonetheless .

[hotcocosharing]

Glory Days Part 23 (IM RP AU- Shun & Midi)

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22

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Midori’s POV “A DATE? OF COURSE!”

With my arms securely wrapped around Shun just as they should be, I squeeze him a little more, not wanting the feeling to end after a kiss on the forehead which leads straight to me resting up against his chest. WINNING! Everything seems just about perfect and I couldn’t care less about the few strange looks and sidewards glances we’re getting as I close my eyes contently - only to have them rudely opened at the question I’m not sure I feel comfortable answering. “….I’m curious, just how many boyfriends have you had?” Swallowing hard, a wash of dread flushes across my skin and I feel every ounce of warmth which was just created drain from me. My past? He really wants to know? I’m not going to be made fun of? Not bothering to move, my fingers lazily play with the back of Shun’s shirt and I mumble out an answer beneath my breath which I’m unfortunately asked to repeat again. “One - and you’ve already kind of met him.” Crossing my fingers; I take a deep breath in and hope, pray and whisper quietly to myself that Shunichiro isn’t a literary fan because if he is, there’s a possible chance he’s read something that Hirose has written loosely about me – a muse that was never meant to be; and I quickly attempt to shoot the idea out of his mind whilst convincing myself that about his ex-count, I don’t particularly need to know what the answer would be. “I know you’re studying but… Eri moved out the other day and well, I have this huge dorm now all to myself. You could come over and study with me? There won’t be as many distractions there like there is in the library!” Toshiaki’s POV The walk across campus to the apartment is short, but I’m attempting to make it as long as possible with the intention of sorting out my head when I get there. 45 minutes ago someone that I’m more than proud to call a friend and I were tearing into each other over the girl that I’ve just so easily and naively given into. Perhaps what Midori mentioned was right - no; no… I’m happy to let that thought eat away at the back of my mind but I won’t let it get to me. The apartment is cute - quaint; perfect size for one and perhaps a little extra company if wanted or persisted; I make myself comfortable on the couch as Eri skips around and acts like the perfect hostess trying to make things as seamless as possible; we agree on coffee, she learns that I like to drink it black and conversation rolls just as it should. Normally - no coaxing or hesitation.

“So why the move? I take it your father has something to do with it? And this charity event - mind explaining what’s expected of me a little more?” I’m happy to sit there quietly and listen to every word that spills out from between Eri’s lips; every now and again, I’m tempted to lean in and silence her with a kiss just to see what the reaction would be but again, time after time I’m stopped by the words of not-so-wisdom I heard earlier. “I need clarification on something”, I explain, arm stretching out to rest against the back of the sofa, “Midori mentioned some things and I – I’m wondering if she said them with the aim of scaring me off or truthfully.” “Mhmmm?”, Eri hums with a grin, placing her phone down on the couch beside her, I rest the cup of coffee I’ve been holding on the small table in front of me and sigh, rubbing at my jaw over the 5 o'clock shadow, wishing I’d shaved this morning. “Midi told me not to bother with you.” There the first bit is out and I can already feel the tension in my head unwinding as a weight comes off my shoulders and chest. “She said that for anything to work between us that you’d have to give up a lifestyle you’re clinging to and I –.” My words are paused momentarily by a call coming through which illuminates her phone screen. Trying to not let it get the best of me, I turn and throw my head back to stare at the ceiling, knowing that my bad timing had to at some point kick in. “….who’s Rikiya?”, I ask not bothering to look in the direction of the girl I’m sitting with. Maybe I am just being played along. Maybe making breakfast for her the other day and saving her from herself when she was drunk the other night was just the start of a new series of unfortunate events that I’d stupidly and irrationally thought I’d be okay to put myself through.

Eriko’s POV Relief to see my guest comfortable, I sit down and begin a proper conversation, one I imagine to be different but necessary. “The fashion industry holds a ball each year where a bunch of socialites dress up in their brand, walk around like models then we bid on them. All the profit goes to our choice of charity, it’s an orphanage this year.” The information seems to have confused or startled Toshi a little. Good that he wasn’t there when Midi barked at me last time, at least I could break the news to him myself. Telling him my family background is easy, I’m not the only trust fund kid in college but his questions get trickier and trickier. “Midi told me not to bother with you.” “She said …. you’d have to give up a lifestyle you’re clinging to and I….” “….who’s Rikiya?” My mind is blank momentarily by the call I’ve just swiped ignore but explaining about Rikiya Mononobe is a whole different story. I was aiming at one story at a time so I wouldn’t scare the dork away, guess even fate doesn’t think we are a good idea. “First thing first, Midi isn’t wrong and I’ve taken Shunichiro’s advice so here I’m, sitting here and being 100% honest with you. I… I am the kind of girl who just does whatever and whenever, I have slept around with no strings attached.” I take a deep breath, eyes swifting from Toshiaki to the spare phone’s screen, hoping Rikiya won’t call again as he’s about to come up next in the subject. “Well… The morning after our drunken disaster, we bumped into two guys and Midi had to meet her mother so they took care of me, bringing me to places trying to cheer me up. Rikiya was nice, funny and charming. I thought you hate me for who I was and…. it felt good to be liked and wanted so one thing led to another, I kind of promise to go on another date with both Riki and his friend Shinichi.” Trying not to let this get the better of me, I turn away from Toshiaki and look down at my fists. I never know talking is this hard, with the aim of telling him directly myself like Shunichiro has advised, I have not quite thought through just how difficult it may be. “Oh by the way, they have both seen me naked but no I didn’t sleep with them, nearly did but didn’t happen!” I bite my bottom lip and steal a glance at the expressionless man, “I would rather tell you now then to have it bite my ass later.” “Do you like any of them?” Oh shoot me already! Can this be any more difficult! “Riki… well I have feelings for him …  maybe it’s temporary, I don’t know! Oh god I’m screwing this up already.” Trying desperately to even my own breathing with my tears at the edge of bursting. “He doesn’t make my heart flutter or send butterflies to my stomach like you do, okay!!!! I’m crazy about you!! And I know my past isn’t pretty but Shunichiro advised me to be honest and this is soooo much harder than I thought!” Hearing my cracked voice isn’t exactly attractive and I no longer know how much Toshiaki could make out of between my crying and confession. “How could you not hate me! I’m … I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend, I don’t know where we stand or where I stand but I assume you have feelings for me that’s why you kissed me and if I misinterpreted it….. I’m sorry!” More tears come flooding out uncontrollably, and part of me couldn’t help but feel this is a mistake. “Could we at least be friends? I just….. really want you by my side! I am totally ruining this, god I look hideous, my makeup is ruined …. Please don’t look at me! I …. I don’t want you to see me like this!” Covering my face with my shaking hands, I ball myself up and hide into my own laps. I totally fuck this up!!!!! Grrrr!!!! I just want a hole and hide in it forever! Rikiya’s POV

The lack of communication with Eriko is getting to me more than it should, with both texts and calls ignored make me wonder if it is her sign of rejection which doesn’t seem to be the case the last time I saw her.

Did it have something to do with her father or Shinichi or something horrible happened? There’s only one way to put my thoughts at ease so I quickly shower and change from my outfits and leave my basketball team behind before anyone’d ask any questions. Good that Shinichi has shared her new address and it’s only twenty minutes away.

I just hope she’s home and happy to see me.

[hadtohavehighhighhopesforaliving]

All That is Gold Does Not Glitter, Chapter 1: Yoo-hoo

I've done a lot in my long life.

Most things I'm not proud of.

Several things I am.

I've taken many hits. I've faced many losses. I've paid my dues. Frank Sinatra's song "My Way" is my anthem.

I live alone in a little white farm house, in a town where no one knows my real name. I spend my days taking walks, feeding the horses, and reading. If I do leave my property, it's only for a Sunday church service. I talk to no one. I know no one. But I love everyone. That's the secret: to care for the welfare of others more than your very self. I did not know that as a child. I had to learn it the hard way.

I suppose it's expected for someone who's held the positions I've held to write a memoir. I never really thought about it, and at first I didn't want to, but an old friend made a house call one afternoon and put a pen in my hand.

"Write," he told me. "Please. If not for your sake, then for ours."

He knew that's all he had to say.

I've found healing in this process. I was scared for decades to re-remember these memories, to re-open those old wounds. I'm glad I did. Because on the opposite of fear lies freedom. And now, I am nothing if not free. I have nothing in this world except my home, my withered body, and the freedom I have fought my whole life for.

J. R.

Part I: 1998

I am seventeen. It's football tryouts. And I'm about to become the first female football player in Truman High history.

Or so I tell myself as I walk onto the field. Cold sweat from the Pepsi-filled Big Gulp leaks down my arm, chilling my throwing hand. Sun-dead grass crunches under my cleats. Though I am shaking, I keep up my power pace to the sidelines.

They never see me coming.

I set the to-go cup on the aluminum bench crowded with gear and sidle up to Calvin. He's got one leg up, foot resting on the bench, bent over, tying his cleat.

"Hey," I say quietly, glancing around.

He looks up.

"Hey!" he smiles. "You finally showed up!" He's been heckling me since freshman year to try out. We used to play together on the middle school team. That, and our assigned seats next to each other in sixth grade, cemented our friendship.

"Yeah, haha," I titter, eyes still roving the competition. "Better late than never." I force a wide, toothy smile that's so fake it's cartoonish. It makes him laugh, just like I'd hoped.

All the usual suspects are here. Some of them are play-wrestling. Some of them are stretching casually. One guy even takes his water bottle, aims it at some dude, and squeezes, firing a stream of water like a firehose. Almost all are laughing.

"Looks like some tough competition this year," I say, dropping my voice to sound masculine. I puff up my chest and broaden my shoulders, flex my arms and clench my hands into fists. "The team's shaping up to be a championship winner. We may even go to state." I'm mocking the coach. He says this every year at the first week of school pep rally. It's total bullshit.

"I'm shaking in my cleats," Calvin chuckles. "Who knows if I'll make the cut?"

Truman High sports teams - especially football - are all walk-ons. We're too damn small to reject any players. And we suck at everything. Everyone knows "tryouts" are a joke; it's really just a euphemistic label given to the first day of practice. No one gets cut. Ever.

"You know Beufort. Football capital of the world," I say. "Don't you realize how many NFL legends came from our town?"

The answer: none. Beufort is a farm-turned-industrial-turned-farm-again town in Northeastern Ohio. Nothing ever happens here. Most kids who are born here stay here until they die. No one ever leaves, and no one ever makes something of themselves. You just get stuck.

Thankfully, I wasn't born here, and stuck is not a place I want to be. I'll get out of here eventually. I just have to get through senior year. Somehow.

The coach blows his whistle.

"Line up at the end zone for relays!" he screams. Everyone lolligags over and forms five messy lines. I slink to the back of my line, hidden by tall, broad-shouldered blokes. They haven't noticed me yet.

My palms are drenched. The late August heat drapes itself across my back. My neck sizzles; I can feel it burning. The B.O. is noxious. My heart's racing. It's difficult to swallow; my throat is thick.

Each guy at the front of each line races down the field to the endzone, tags the ground, and runs back down to high-five the next fella in line. By run, of course, I mean jog, prance, and hustle - no one really books it. They don't put out full effort. They don't care.

I watch Calvin's back as he sprints to the opposite end zone, grass and dirt flying in his wake. The others cheer through cupped hands, unleashing guttural calls in languages only known to Neanderthals.

He sweeps the ground with his hand, pivots, and races back. My stomach clenches.

It's go time.

Everyone will know I'm here now. I don't want them to see me, but there's no time to change my mind and no other option. Dread drops like lead in my gut, weighing me down, slowing me down.

Calvin tags my hand, and I accelerate down the field like a lemon of a car. My lungs burn. Heat rushes to my face. Shouts box my ears.

"What the hell?"

"Who is that?"

"Who let the girl on the field?!"

The brown, dead crust of field runs under my fingers, and I skid into the turn. Completely exposed.

Ponytail swinging, breasts belted in a too-tight sports bra, I face the scowling team. I run at them - maximum effort - and boos are my reception. I knew it would be this way. But preknowledge doesn't stop the sting.

That's when I catch a glimpse of him. A familiar face in the phalanx. My nose scrunches, lips grimace. Clammy hands are on my breasts. I shove the memory away.

Arriving at my line, I push past sweaty, onion-smelling boys in dark-stained sleeveless shirts. I throw elbows and hip-check to make it through, but it's almost like they're pushing back. Jeering.

"Hey. Rogers." A familiar voice. But not Calvin's. A shiver slides down my back. My stomach squirms.

Justin pushes his way through the lines to get to me. He stops a foot and a half away, in the parallel line next to mine. He crosses his arms and pops a hip, looks me up and down. From his frosted tips and solo hoop earring to his man tank and Roos, the boy radiates InSync babe-magnet cockiness.

"Step off," I bristle, throwing him a dead-eyed, I-don't-give-a-shit look. Some of the boys laugh and go "ooooh".

"Salty," Justin grins. It makes my cheek twitch.His stupid Mediterranean blue eyes are hypnotic. "I just wanted to wish you best of luck. With tryouts."

"Mkay?" I narrow my eyes, but to no effect. I think they smell my fear.

He extends a hand to shake, smiling that greasy used-car-salesman smile. I stare at it, repulsed. There's no way I'm touching that thing.

After a beat, he pulls it back and shrugs.

"Okay. Suit yourself." Too casual.

He morphs back into line and attention turns away from me, at least until after push-ups.

Coach blows a whistle, and we all drop to give him twenty. I struggle but push through. Some of the guys can't even make it to ten.

"Tractor! Butt down!" Coach barks at some poor soul.

"I'm tryin', sir," he drawls.

"Yeah, well, try harder!"

When I finish, I collapse on the grass, arms and abs burning. I roll over, bumping into Calvin. He's laying on his stomach, propped up by elbows. I shield my eyes to block out the sun. His tan, freckled face is above mine. He's got hazel eyes and shaggy, sandy blond hair parted down the middle. I've always liked his face shape. It's diamond-shaped. He's got nice cheekbones and a dimple on either side.

"Hey," he murmurs.

"Hey," I reply.

"Don't let 'im get to you. He's just trynna psyche you out."

"I know."

"I'm glad you came." He smiles.

I grin in reply. At least one person is.

A shadow falls over us, a hulking darkness that blocks out the sun. I ab-crunch up, squinting.

"I don't have your papers," the silhouette of Coach Dodson growls. "No papers, no practice."

I sit up all the way.

"What?" I continue to shade my eyes with my hand. I can't see his face, I'm squinting so hard. I know I heard him right. I'm just not believing what I'm hearing.

"No papers. No. Practice." Spit flies on every "p". You can tell Coach used to be a drill sergeant. No joke. The guy was in the Gulf Wars.

He's built like the Hulk: short legs, bulked arms, broad shoulders. Square head, constantly red, with a graying buzz cut.

I can't take him seriously.

"I don't understand," I say. "To which papers are you referring?"

"Your sports physical. Your parental consent form. Your injury waiver. You're a walking liability on this field! You get injured, you could cost the school a lawsuit!"

Wow. For a jarhead, you really know how to keep your cool. I wonder how well you did under fire.

A laugh bursts from my gullet.

"You're kidding! Those freshmen are more of a liability than I am." I glance at a couple of toothpicks attempting to wrestle one another. They've got no body hair, no body fat, and probably come up to my shoulder. "I mean, have they even hit puberty?"

Coach snorts. I'm the matador staring down the bull. All he needs is a nose ring.

"They have their paperwork in. You don't. You can't just show up here and expect us to cater to you."

Cater to me?

I jump to my feet.

"Are you kidding me - ?"

"Coach, I don't have my paperwork in yet. You always give us 'til one week after practice starts to get 'em in. Remember?" Calvin prompts. "But if you want, I'll leave now, too. That way I'm not a liability either." He looks at Coach earnestly. The kid's blessed with an honest face. He could be bald-faced lying, and he'd look so damn truthful you'd believe him.

Coach's eyes shift from Calvin to me and back. Calvin, me, back.

"But you're not - that wouldn't - " he sputters. Calvin, me, back. "No," he finally sighs, relenting. "You can both stay." He turns to walk away, but then adds, as if on second thought. "But this year," he enunciates, as if listening carefully to his own words, studying them as if they hung in midair, "we're having cuts." He nods slowly and roams away.

I look at Calvin, wonderstruck.

"Woah," I breathe, a grin breaking across my face. "That was awesome. Thanks, man. I owe you one."

He waves me off, tries not to smile.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it. What are friends for?"

I owe way too much to that kid. I don't know that I'll ever be able pay him back. How do you pay back a saint? I don't think you can. They'll always have one up on you.

We move on to throwing and catching with a partner, then run some basic plays to test who fits best in what position. A supermajority is lined up for quarterback tryouts.

I shake my head. Justin's already got that position locked down. No one else is gonna get it.

I stand off to the side, roasting in the sun. Which position should I claim? If I were naive, I'd be in the quarterback line with the dandruff-haired freshmen. But I'd never have a prayer, even if I was good.

Lineman? Out of the question. You have to be the size and weight of a brick wall. Guys like that big corn-fed fella, Gunner, get it. Farm boys have the advantage.

Then there's running back - Calvin's position. You gotta be fast to do that. But I won't take it away from him.

Wide receiver? I'm a pretty good catch. Let's see who's in line - Bingo. No one of any particular skill or importance. I got this one bagged.

It's a good thing Truman High football is a joke. You only have to be mildly decent to earn a starting position. Most of these guys never played before high school; the school's so small that it's desperate for players and will take literally anybody. Even Angus. Who also happens to be trying out for wide receiver.

I trod across the crunch-grass field to the receiver line, my T-shirt sticking to my back. My bra is drenched and chaffing. I'll have to grab a new one from the thrift store soon. This one's so old, it's trash.

As soon as I line up behind Angus, I've unwittingly started a conversation with him. That's the way he is.

"H-h-h-hey, Jackson," he stutters. He's a babyfaced, big brown doe-eyed boy with a mop of floppy brown hair, tan skin, and the trace of a pencil-thin mustache that he never shaves.

"Hey, Angus," I say, not really looking at him. He's a sweet kid, don't get me wrong; I just prefer to talk as little as possible.

"I-i-isn't it a g-g-great day for f-f-football? S-so nice out."

"Yeah," I say flatly. "Sure is."

"I think they're gonna-uh gonna-uh make me a s-s-starter this year."

I half-smile.

"That's great," I say. "I hope they do."

I mean it, too. Only, Angus doesn't have a prayer. He's the worst player on the team, hands down. That's just common knowledge - to everyone but him.

"C-c-can you believe it's alr-r-ready senior year?"

I smile bitterly, stare at the ground.

"Couldn't come soon enough," I mumble.

"S-s-some of the guys were s-s-sayin' it's a good thing we have a g-g-girl this year cuz you can bring us-s-s water." He doesn't know what he says. He just repeats what he hears. He doesn't know what it means.

I rake a hand through my ponytail. Let's ignore the fact that I grew up playing flag football on little kid teams, practicing with my dad. Never mind that some of these guys and I were on the same parks and rec teams in middle school, back when I was a foot taller than any of them. Who could remember that I used to be the best player on the team? Eighth grade was a lifetime ago, after all.

"You're up, Parrot!" the last receiver calls as he jogs off the field.

"M-m-my turn!" Angus smiles and says in a sing-song voice. He trots to the line of scrimmage.

They call him Parrot? Those assholes. They give nicknames to everybody. Disguise insults as terms of endearment.

They called me Kansas last year.

I wait on the sidelines for my turn, stuck in torrential thoughts.I think too much. That's my problem; if I didn't have all these racing thoughts, I wouldn't constantly feel like I'm on the razor-thin edge of sanity. And I wouldn't feel the need to go out and do stupid shit like try out for football, fully knowing I'm the most hated person in school. But when you're stuck, alone, late at night, with nagging, biting thoughts, you'll do just about anything to catch a break from them.

"Next!" Coach shouts at me, repeating himself. "Are you deaf? You're up!"

Loud thoughts - see what I mean? They block out even the screams of an irate ex-Marine.

I jog to the huddle of offenders, cheeks turning pink with embarrassment. Their eyes all glare at me. All except Calvin. When I squeeze in beside him, he places an encouraging hand on my shoulder blade.

"Here's the dealio," Justin says, addressing the group. "I'm gonna get the snap, fake a hand-off to Calvin, and then throw a long pass down the field to you, Jackson. Got it? Break." The huddle scatters.

That didn't make any sense. Justin's directions gave me no real information. Did nobody else notice?

"Hey, wait," I say, grabbing Justin's arm and yanking him back to look at me. "You never specified where you want me to go. Left, right, center? Down twenty yards, thirty?" I lock eyes with him so he knows I'm not a pushover. I'm not taking his shit this year.

He puckers, his forehead creased in a frown. Studying me.

"Center," he says finally. "Thirty-five yards down." Then he stalks to his place behind the line.

If that was meant to be a test, I do believe I just passed. But I can't get too excited. That was only a preliminary. The real test is whether or not I can catch.

Bring it on.

I take my place on the far right side and crouch in ready position, listening for Justin to yell "hike". When he does, I take off down the field, outmaneuvering some crappy defenders. I'm thirty yards away when I turn to look for the pass - and realize it's not headed towards me at all, but instead spiraling through the air towards the other wide receiver - who fails to catch it. It slips right through his extended hands.

I throw my hands up. Really? Um. Okay. So go ahead and lie to me.

We get called back into formation for the second down.

"Yo, Justin," I call, an edge to my voice, "What was that about?"

"I don't - " He shrugs and shakes his head, looking at me like I'm loco. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Do I really want to put up with this for a whole season? If I can prove I'm good enough, I won't have to.

"Just throw the ball to me next time," I command. I wear my "fight me" face. He rolls his eyes and we start up the next play.

This time when I run down the field to get open I almost don't expect the pass. Fool me twice, ya know?

But then it comes, and I'm all tensed up to spring and catch it. I leap, feel the rough pigskin slide easily into my hands. I did it.

Then, out of nowhere, BAM. I'm slammed to the ground, a heavy male body on top of me, my shoulder taking the brunt of the impact. It goes numb, and my arm slacks. The ball tumbles from my grip, my fingers unresponsive.

For a moment, my mind reels into panic. I'm in a dark room, forcing a guy with grab-hands to get off me. I'm ready to kick, punch, fight, scream.

Then a whistle blows, and I'm back to the present. The guy gets off of me. My whole arm is now sore. Most of the guys are laughing. They're laughing because I just got sacked.

I stand and massage my shoulder, feeling returning to my hand. It's not dislocated, that's all that matters.

Third down: another chance to prove I can do this. Let's go. C'mon.

"You OK?" Calvin mutters next to me.

"I'm fine," I say, brushing him off.

"You good, Jacks?" Justin asks, feigning sympathy. "D'you think you're still able to play? Or d'you need to stop?"

"Eat my shorts," I reply.

"Oooh!" One of the boys coos. "She got you!"

Justin's face turns to flint. I'm gonna pay for that comment.

"Turner, get ready for the hand-off. You're gonna drive the ball down. Everybody else, make sure you keep the defense off of him. Got it? Let's go."

For the third-down, we crouch in position. "Hike" is yelled, the ball is snapped, and I do what I can to lure some defenders after me, out and away from Turner. But when I look back to find Turner, I hear Justin yell.

"Jacks, get open! Get open!"

"What?!" I call, then notice the brown ball flying through the air just a little too far to my left. I'll never reach it in time. I sprint after it, but it's no use. It hits the ground and bounces several yards ahead of me.

"Where were you?" Justin yells.

"Seriously?!" I snap back, red hot anger rushing to my face.

"Yeah, Jacks, that was all you," Turner mouths off.

"Lay off, man," Calvin speaks up calmly.

"Lay off your mom," Turner retorts.

Coach toots the whistle - several short, sharp blasts in a row.

"That's enough! Roberts, you're done for the day," Jarhead yells.

"What? But - "

"Get off my field. Go home. You're done."

I look around, stunned. Some of the guys are sniggering, trying to hide their laughter behind helmets and hands. They disguise their smug grins with innocuous nose-wipes or elbow coughs.

"C'mon, Coach - " says Calvin.

"I don't want to hear it, McIntyre." He holds up a hand. "I won't have no one causing trouble on my field. She needs to leave."

Capping my inner grammar Nazi, I refrain from correcting the poor bastard. Instead, I silently, calmly, with all eyes on me, tread casually over to the sideline bench, pick up my Big Gulp, grab my board, and as soon as I hit the parking lot, I skate away, tossing the warmed, near-empty soda cup into the trashcan as I roll. A perfect ten outta ten exit, I'd say.

I skate until I hit the 7/11 I stopped by on the way to practice. This is where I go for all my needs.

I grab a glass bottle of Yoo-Hoo chocolate milk from the refrigerator section, slap the exact change on the counter, wave to Denny the cashier, snap the cap open, take a sip, and roll out.

I skate home in the early-evening, late-August fading sun. When I hit my driveway, I step on one end of my skateboard, shooting it up to my hand. I tuck it under my arm and guzzle Yoo-Hoo around to the back of the house, where the stairs to my second-story walk-up apartment are. A limp basketball net is nailed above the garage door. A flat basketball hibernates, weathered, near the garage gutter spout.

I pound up the paint-peeled wooden steps to our front (back) door.

I open the door and am greeted by the sound of belching, the smells of beef stew, sweaty socks, and beer. I lean my board against the wall beside the door.

"Where were you?" Zennen asks, his Belorussian accent thicker than usual. He's been drinking.

I want to say "None of your damn business," but that would evoke the wrath. So I just say, "Around."

"You hear that, Mary Beth?" he says to my mom. He's not even looking at me. His glazed eyes are glued to the TV. "Your daughter's been rolling around town for hours again. You know what I think? Drugs."

"I am not doing drugs," I assure calmly. But it's no use. No one hears me.

"Honey, Zennen and I have been concerned about your behavior."

From where I stand, I have a view of the micro-living room. I have to walk around the wall to my left to see my mom, sitting at the kitchen table, counting her tip money and balancing her checkbook. She's not looking at me, either.

"Take a seat," she says, thumbing bills from one hand to the other.

I don't.

Instead, I pull a bowl out of the cabinet, rinse off a spoon in the sink, grab a box of cereal from the counter - off-brand Lucky Charms, this week - and pour the rest of my Yoo-Hoo with it into the bowl.

"Mom," I say, pausing to eat a spoonful of cereal. "I'm not doing drugs. Seriously. Do I smell like marijuana? No." Another milky, crunchy, sweet spoonful.

"We're just worried because you're always gone. We don't know where you are if you're not at home."

"Well, I could definitely be at work. Or the arcade, or Calvin's. That's pretty much the extent of it." I take another bite, waiting for her to say something.

Her eyes widen. She puts the cash down, organizes it into a neat stack, and recounts. She stops at the end.

"I'm missing twenty. I know I had six-fifty when I left work. There's only six-thirty here." She looks hard at me. I can just hear her mind scream, DRUGS. "We'll talk about this later." She sighs. "I don't know how we're gonna make this month's payment." She puts her head in her hands. You can see the remnants of her beauty queen days, despite her now chronic stress and exhaustion. Gray hairs and crow's feet can't hide her radiance.

I take my bowl and head to my room. It's just a little closet, what once was the long, thin pantry between the stairwell and the kitchen. I take a detour through the living room where my twelve-year-old twin brothers are sitting on the ratty carpet, playing video games?

I ruffle Bowie's hair. "Hey, lamebrains. Where'd you get the Nintendo 64?" There's no way Mom or Zennen got it. We can barely afford to have a telephone.

"Jimmy," Axel and Bowie say in unison.

"Ah." I raise my eyebrows. Jimmy has been their imaginary friend/scapegoat since they were six. He doesn't exist - only, Mom hasn't figured that out yet. She thinks he's their very real, very rich best friend from school.

And she thinks I'm the one who took twenty bucks to pay for drugs.

"Alright. Well. Enjoy your gift from Jimmy," I smile. Then, crouching to their ear level, I whisper under the electronic soundtrack, "This is the last time I cover your asses." My smile resumes, and I stand up, satisfied.

"We love you," the boys reply, eyes never deviating from the screen. The sound of manic electronic pings follows me to my room. I chuckle bitterly. Love. What does it even mean?

My room is just wide enough to fit my twin-sized bed, with no gaps between it and the wall. On the far end, behind my headboard, is a small window. There's about two feet between the foot of my bed and the door, where I keep a knee-high chest of drawers to hold my clothes. To get to my bed, I have to literally climb on top of it.

Along the walls I have various shelves containing stacks of CDs and old little kid football trophies. I also have a rack where I hang my guitar. Then there's all the posters. Mostly bands are plastered to the walls and ceiling, but there are some movies and athletes, too. The only light is a bare bulb with a ratty hanging string directly above my bed. Sometimes if I sit up in bed at night to get some water, I'll forget the string is there and nearly jump out of my skin at the feeling of the long spider thread tickling my nose, face, and hair.

My Discman almost always is hidden under my pillow. That way no one takes it, and I can listen to music as I fall asleep.

And then there's the one chunk of my wall still covered with a map, strings, pushpins, and scraps of paper scribbled with fragmented theories, forgotten ideas, and false-hopes mistaken for evidence.

I oughtta take it down one of these days. It only serves as a useless reminder now.

I sit on my bed for the next few hours, eating cereal, listening to music on my Discman, and watching the world fade to black outside my window.

I figure I'll call Calvin tomorrow after work, go check out the team roster once it's posted outside the athletic director's office. I doubt I made the cut. But they never cut anyone anyway; they can't spare the players. But what am I gonna do if I don't make it? Give in to defeat? Or duke it out?

It'll be alright. I'll make the cut. Everyone always does. Even Angus. No sweat.

I watch the back-porch lights of my neighbors and the stars overhead as I listen to "Iris" by the Goo-Goo Dolls. I inhale the warm summer night and dream of the day I can finally get out of this town.