#and so I'll wake up with story ideas I don't remember writing

[jestoria]

It's 11:51 pm, and I've just learned that I can hold my breath for 1 minute and 48 seconds. Underwater.

Why did I test this?

...I have no idea.

[enhani-ki]

hiii! this is my first time requesting but could you write a story with angst where enhypen basically takes you ni-ki’s gf on a trip for work purposes and he was excited to travel with you but ends up calling you clingy for wanting to be around him angst to fluff

like i need you - reader x ni-ki

warnings: very little suggestive, cursing, etc.

the idea of traveling with you, his girlfriend, along with his group members for their overseas schedule made ni-ki really excited.

he had begged you for weeks just to join him, promising it would be fun, promising you'd get to experience what he does, everything, together.

you felt ni-ki's hand held yours, the plane landed and you were really here together now.

a staff member approached the two of you as you stepped into the terminal, they reached for his arm and instructed to exit in a different gate before completely pulling him away.

your fingers slipped from his as he turned to look at you with a conflicted expression.

"go... i'm fine."

tight schedule, everyone moved from one place to another, and ni-ki was always preoccupied.

there's also these endless meetings, rehearsals, and interviews... whenever you tried to be near your boyfriend, it felt like you were being pushed aside.

you really understood that it was busy and you're not about this life, but it also felt like you were losing part of the excitement you had for this trip.

you saw ni-ki walking alone through the hotel lobby after a long day, so you ran and held his hand, and instead of holding too like he usually did, he sighed and pulled away.

"y/n, can you stop being so clingy?"

you froze in place, blinking at him, not sure if you heard him right. y/n? clingy?

"excuse me?"

"so- sorry..." ni-ki ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "i'm just... i want to sleep."

you swallowed hard, nodding slowly before you walked away.

later that night, you wanted to check on your boyfriend. after all, he wasn't being his usual self earlier.

but he wasn't in his room.

you made your way to the next door instead, heesung opened the door and smiled.

"hello uhh... is riki here? he's not in his room."

heesung nodded, stepping aside to reveal ni-ki sleeping peacefully on his bed, hugging his pillow. "want me to wake him up?" he offered.

you quickly waved your hands. "n- no, don't, please."

"but i don't want him here..." he teased, making you chuckle. "just kidding."

you bowed slightly. "i was just checking on him. thank you, heesung."

he smiled, pulling out his phone. "here, i'll let you know once he woke up."

you quietly left after exchanging number.

and ni-ki spent his free time gaming the next day, his focus were sharp until they started losing. he let out a frustrated sigh before glancing over at heesung, only to see him texting someone.

"wha- hyung!" ni-ki groaned, but his hyung barely reacted to their defeat.

"calm down bitch."

just then, a notification popped up on heesung's phone, ni-ki caught a glimpse of your name.

"is that my girlfriend?"

heesung rolled his eyes. "yeah. check it, dumbass."

he grabbed the phone, scrolling through the messages, smiling slightly when he saw that every text was just also about him, asking if he was okay, if he had eaten, if he was sleeping well.

his irritation from losing the game faded. he locked the phone and tossed it back to heesung.

now, watching him from afar, you weren't sure if he even remembered bringing you here.

you stood near the back of the hotel's lounge, watching as ni-ki laughed with the members and staff, smiling so wide.

he's completely in his element and exactly where he wanted to be.

you didn't know if your eyes saw it correctly, but you swore his smile dropped when he saw you.

you glanced around, searching for someone else he could've been looking at, maybe it's not you because he didn't greet you or at least wave at you.

and if that look was because of you, then it felt like your presence had disrupted whatever joy he had in that moment and that hurts more than anything.

you went back to your hotel room, closing the door behind you before frustratedly collapsing onto the bed.

and when heesung texted you that they were done and just hanging out, you waited for hours.

you: are you gonna talk to me?

riki: what's wrong? everything okay there?

you: no, it's not okay. what's wrong with you?

you: you kept asking me to come with you, and you're acting like you don't even know i'm here.

you felt your chest tighten as you typed.

riki: i'm just busy.

you: i know you are, but you're also done already. i just saw you with everyone downstairs. no cameras.

riki: i can't talk to everyone first?

you: you know that's not what i meant.

it took him longer to reply this time.

riki: okay. just let me know if you need something.

fuck this.

you: i wanna go home.

riki: what? you can't.

you: i can.

riki: stop being stubborn.

a knock echoed through your room minutes later, ni-ki opened the door, and walked straight to you.

"y/n," he called out. "you can't just go home anytime you want when you're in a different country."

you ignored him, reaching for the remote to turn on the tv instead. keeping your focus on the screen, pretending he wasn't there.

"you might wanna think about everyone around you."

that made you scoff, think about everyone around me? like that wasn't exactly what you had been doing this entire time.

you gave him space, let him have his fun, not forcing yourself into his world then it would feel like he really didn't even want you here.

ni-ki exhaled sharply, stepping forward before shutting off the tv.

you glared at him. "seriously?"

"did you hear anything i just said?" he asked, he wasn't angry, just annoyed.

you didn't answer. instead, you turned your back on him, pulling the blanket over yourself, holding back all tears threatening to fall.

he's just really right there, trying to reason and argue when you just really miss him.

at least assure me that i'm still being appreciated here...

ni-ki sighed before running a hand through his hair. he should just leave and let you do whatever you want but stopped when he heard a faint sniffle.

he sat on the edge of your bed, unlocking his phone and started scrolling through your messages, the ones you had sent over the past few days.

you've been so patient.

you've been waiting for him, reaching out, and asking if he was okay.

and he had time... so he could've really replied too, he could've come to see you even for a little bit but for some reason, he didn't.

not because he doesn't love you, not because he doesn't care but because he had been so secured, so caught up in enjoying his life as an idol that he forgot you were part of it, too.

ni-ki felt guilty.

he reached over and squeezed your arm through the blanket. "baby…"

now, it's baby.

you didn't respond again. he sighed, wrapping his arms around you despite the blanket being a barrier. "i'm sorry."

"please talk to me."

you shushed him. he let out a sigh again and did the only thing he could think of. he slid under the blanket to hug you.

and ni-ki's usually not one to wake up right away but he was hugging you tightly in his sleep, that's why he also stirred when he felt you moving.

you stood up.

"where are you going?" he said quietly, his voice were still groggy.

he watched as you stripped off your clothes, stepping into the bathtub and sinking into the warm water.

he rubbed his eyes, standing up to follow you, then sat on the edge, watching you quietly before reaching for the shampoo bottle.

he poured some and rubbed it in his hands, gently applying it to your hair slow and careful.

then, he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "you're so pretty."

you didn't respond.

"i'm sorry for calling you clingy," he kissed your forehead again.

"i'm sorry for not replying to your texts," he kissed your cheek.

you finally looked up at him, your lips slightly parted.

"i'm so sorry for making you feel like you're alone." he said before kissing you on the lips.

you sighed, "...are you not excited to be with me anymore?"

his heart ached, you're looking at him like you're scared of his answer.

ni-ki cupped your face, "of course not," he murmured. "i'm always, always excited to be with you."

you bit your lip, eyes glistening as you were about to cry.

"riki... i can't keep up with these..." you sobbed. "i can't relate to you..."

ni-ki knelt down on the floor, wrapping his arms around you. his hands roamed, rubbing your arms, cupping your boobs, just holding you close as he tried to chase away the bad thoughts clouding your mind.

you felt sorry too, thinking about he barely had a moment to himself, let alone to be with you, and he looks so tired too... "riki, sor-"

he chuckled, reaching out to wipe away the tears falling from your eyes. "don't, please." he whispered, "i'll cry too."

you sniffled, rolling your eyes. "no, you won't"

"i will." he grinned, wrapping his arms more gently around your neck, not caring that his shirt was getting wet or that shampoo was dripping onto him. "...i'll force myself."

you let out a small laugh, making him finally breathe in relief.

ni-ki looked at you with a soft smile before pressing a kiss on your temple, "we could go wherever now," he murmured. "let me make it up to you."

a/n: i should've made it more angsty but it's so hard omfg TT hope you like it! also, i realized i fucked up because the request was "wanting to be around" and i think i did it wrong??? SORRY

マスターリストm.list

taglist 𖤘: @dolliewon @ziiao

[captain-bubble-wrap]

Would you consider writing a story about quinnxreader. She faints in his apartment and he find her when he comes home after training or a game or something. Hes on the phone with his parents and freaks out?

I had to do some research on fainting! I hope this is okay! 🩷

"Yeah, I'm just now getting back home," Quinn answered his mother, trying to unlock his apartment's door without dropping his phone while he fumbled with his keys. "Yeah, me too. It's been a long couple of weeks. Feels good to be back."

Ellen continued to talk to her eldest son as he pushed his suitcase across the threshold. After such long trips, he was accustomed to seeing you first thing -- a guilty comfort you had spoiled him with -- so when he didn't, Quinn looked around hoping you just hadn't heard him come in. However, when he found you, it wasn't at all how he had expected. 

"Y|N!?" He said breathlessly, upon seeing you laying on your side, on the floor between the kitchen and living room. The suitcase rolled forward on its own, with Quinn having kicked it when he rushed over to you; his mother questioning him about what was going on. 

"I don't know! I just found her laying on the floor!" He brushed the hair from across your face and touched your cheek. You're warm to his touch but his heart was still racing. "Let me, um...I'll call you back. Ye--...yeah, I love you, too. I'll let you know. O-- Okay, love you. Bye."

Quinn's phone tumbled to the floor after ending the call with his mother. You weren't responsive to his touch or to his words, no matter what he tried.

"Honey, wake up! Please, please, wake up!" Gently, he'd give your shoulder a shake, but it didn't do anything either. "Shit! Baby, come on! Come on, come on, come on!"

His hands were trembling as he touched your face again. You were breathing which comforted him only slightly, seeing as he had no idea what was wrong with you. The seconds that ticked by felt like hours, but he never left your side -- almost like he was unable to do anything but wait. Quinn knew he should have called for an ambulance but he was frozen, looking down at you like you were just having a nap. 

Eventually, your eyes would flutter open and Quinn would breathe the heaviest sigh of relief. 

"Oh my god, sweetheart!" He exclaimed, leaning down to touch his forehead to yours. "What happened? Are you alright? Oh, you scared the shit out of me!"

You were happy to see him, but you found yourself confused by his shock and worry, then you were reminded of what had happened prior to the grey-out. 

"Hi, baby," you squeaked out, trying to sit up but he wouldn't let you. Your eyelids felt heavy; everything felt so heavy.

"Shh, shh, take your time. What happened? I came home and I couldn't wake you!"

It was hard, but you had to break eye contact with him for a moment. "It was just a fainting spell, Quinny. I'm alright."

"A fainting spell?" He questioned, deep worry painting his expression once again. "I don't remember you having those before."

Realizing that you were still laid out on the floor, Quinn pulled your body into his arms and cradled you against his chest. His concern was so intense as he held you, a slight rocking motion in his movements. This was a first for him and something he didn't know how to deal with which was why he found himself struggling so much. 

"They just started happening again," you confessed, leaning your head against him as you looked up into his eyes. "I'm okay, I promise."

"Are you sick?" He pressed, his hand holding your face, thumb rubbing your cheek gently. 

"No, baby, I'm okay."

"But you fainted."

"I know," You reassured, knowing you needed to tell him what was going on, but you feared his reaction -- he was already dealing with so much. "My blood sugar is probably just low."

Quinn's brows furrowed, "Low? Why is it low?"

You said nothing as you looked away again, knowing how guilty it made you appear. 

"Baby?" He pleaded, "Talk to me, please? I'm not upset with you. I just want to know what's going on. How long have you been dealing with this?"

"Since just after you left." 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to make you worry while you were away." When you looked back up at him afterwards, it pained you so much. His concern for you was as strong as his love and it was made evident with how he gazed at you, even during uncomfortable times such as these. 

"I'll always worry about you, sweetheart. It's because I love you!"

"I love you, too, baby. I promise I'm okay. I'm just...tired" You said, breathlessly. 

Upon saying that, Quinn put his arm under your bent legs and carried you to the sofa where he laid you down against the numerous awaiting pillows. He would kneel beside you, holding your hand in both of his. 

"Will you please tell me what's going on?"

You swallowed hard, knowing he wasn't going to let it go until you told him. "I just haven't been eating much."

"Why, baby?"

"It's a stupid reason."

He didn't say anything because he didn't have to. His expression had said enough. 

"I get sad when you're gone and I forget to eat," you finally confessed.

Quinn frowned, lifting your hand to his lips. "Oh, sweetheart. You've got to eat."

"I know..."

"How many times as this happened?" He asked, now putting your palm to his cheek and holding it there. 

"Probably a dozen or so. I can always tell when it's going to happen, so I have a second or two to brace for it." 

He was still looking at you with tense worry in his face, still holding your hand gently. Quinn wouldn't tell you, but his own stomach was twisting out of concern for you. He was so deeply troubled that his absence affected you so much, that he couldn't help feeling guilty about the whole thing. 

"I'm sorry, baby," you sighed, eyes stinging from welling tears. "The whole thing is so stupid."

Quinn shook his head, trying to give you a reassuring smile. "It's not stupid, sweetheart. I'll try and be more proactive in checking in with you when I'm gone, okay? Would you like me to give you little reminders, maybe?"

"You have enough to worry about, though," you said, shaking your head.

"And I worry about you the most. You're everything to me, Y|N."

"Quinny--," you whined, tears breaking through with the guilt. "I didn't mean for this to happen!"

"I know you didn't." With his free hand, Quinn wiped away the teardrops from your skin. "I'm okay so as long as you are. But, you have to promise me that you'll stop skipping meals, okay? I don't want something more serious to happen to you. You're all alone up here, you know?"

You gave him a nod, biting your bottom lip. 

"You promise me you're alright?"

You nod again, this time with a sniffle. "I am."

He pushed forward to ask a kiss from you which you obliged in giving. "Good. Now, you lay here and rest for a minute, okay? I need to call mom back then we'll see what we can do about dinner."

"Okay," you whimpered, realizing that he must have been on the phone when he found you. 

"Everything's okay, babe. I promise. I'm here now."

[mikimakiboo]

Time Travelers AU - Well, well, well...

I know I said I was gonna get back on track but I failed an exam and my grandpa's sick again so I'm really trying my best here :') I think I have ideas for two chapters after this one ? I'll try to write them faster than one month each lol :'D

I really want to get over Cross's time, I love this boy but I don't have much to say about his time sadly :')

Also everyone go check out @ancha-aus 's drabble because it is amazing !!! It takes place later in the story so I will link it again when we get there but still !! Go read !!

I swear I spend more time looking at dictionaries than actually writing the chapters, why did I gave them all dead languages

First

Prev

Next

The first night in Cross's house had been fairly calm, Horror and him had managed to make a bed for everyone, though Nightmare preferred sleeping on the bench on the kitchen side of the house, Cross couldn't blame him honestly, straw wasn't what someone would call a fancy beding, compared to it anything would be better, even a bench. Killer was very happy with the straws and kept making little braids with it, five in total, and he gave one to everyone afterward. Horror was fine too, Cross never heard the viking complain about anything anyway, so either he was really fine with it or he was just very polite. Dust was strangely excited, Cross didn't think it was possible to be excited about straw beds after having used the amazing couch in his house but here he was, mumbling things to himself as he sat on the bed.

It luckily hadn't rained, so the humidity didn't come in and they were able to keep a certain warmth inside of the small house. Usually peasant houses shared the space with the cattle and the warmth of the animals would heat up the house, but Cross was a knight, he didn't have animals, so he had to rely on fire, but as he didn't have infinite wood he would most of the time keep it to cook and use this heat to warm himself up.

Cross had been the first to wake up and had rapidly been followed by Horror. He saluted him with a smile.

- Dieus vos doinst boinjor.

- Kveðja, ér sofa vel ? Horror answered.

"Vel" meant "well", that Cross was sure, and he remembered Horror using "sofa" to say "sleep", with these two words he guessed he must have either asked if Cross slept well or informed him that he slept well. Cross nodded, both answering the question if it was aimed at him and showing satisfaction if it wasn't.

- Volez avoc moy aler a jart ? Cross asked if Horror wanted to go to the garden with him, pointing at the door.

He needed to pick some vegetables for dinner and the others were still asleep, so he might as well grab them now and not bother his friends later. Horror looked at the door, frowning slightly.

- Ek þurfa vitja úti ? He asked, confused.

Cross was confused too, what did Horror understand ? He looked around for a second before grabbing a basket and showing it to Horror, then going to the door and signing for him to come along as he went outside and around the house towards the small garden. Horror followed, curious, and watched as Cross pointed at the different plants than at the basket. Did Cross want him to pick those plants and put them in the basket ? He slowly picked a carrot and looked at Cross as he put it down, seeing him nod, he smiled, and both of them started picking the vegetables, teaching each other their names. It was nice, and when they went back inside, everybody was up.

Cross put the basket on the table, letting Dust inspect it, he seemed rather curious about the vegetables, surely comparing them to those he had at home. He glanced at his countertop, he had just enough bread for today and maybe tomorrow morning, he would need to go in town tomorrow in the afternoon and buy some more. He could bake some, sure, but it was time consuming so he preferred buying already prepared ones. He also checked his water supply, he needed to go to the well.

- Eo dei a puit aler. Dust, volez moy sivir ? Cross gathered all his courage, asking Dust to follow him.

Dust looked up at him, thinking, his sockets always squinted a bit when he was thinking, and he ended up looking at Nightmare who was staring at the bench, well, not the bench, but the little straw braid Killer made him and that he had put on the bench for the night.

- Nightmare ? What d-

Nightmare flinched and sharply turned to look at him.

- Oop, sorry, didn't mean to startle you, Dust apologized, what does "sivir" mean ?

Nightmare hesitated, his gaze diverting for a second, before he talked, for the first time since the forest, though his voice was low, not as self assured as when he would talk in Dust's time.

- S.. suivre.. ? He stuttered.

Everybody caught that, but nobody commented.

- Suivre ? Dust repeated, like uhh... I know this word, I've seen it on social media... oh ! Follow ! Yeah ! He turned to Cross, smiling, yeah I'll follow you ! I'll uhh.. sivir vos.. ?

Cross smiled, feeling a rush of warmth in his chest, he just invited Dust to the well, he did that, oh god. He quickly nodded and grabbed two empty jars before heading to the door that Dust opened for him.

- Nos anteruns viste !

They will be back soon, he said as he went out with the hoodied skeleton, leaving the three others together.

- So... what's a "puit" ? Dust asked as they walked.

- Por panre l'aigue, li n'en estat gueres à maise.

He explained as simply as he could, telling him it's to take water as he didn't have any at home. Dust just frowned.

- Huh-huh. Well you know what ? "Aigue" sounds like "agua" in Spanish and since you've got jars I'm gonna say it's for water. That or wine. I don't know what people usually drink in the Middle Ages.

He finally answered. Did he understand ? Cross had no doubt he did, Dust was smart, he always figured out stuff.

- Now if we're going to grab some water I guess it's either a river or a well ?

Cross liked hearing Dust talk, he had such a sweet voice, so confident and yet always sounding unsure at the end of his sentences, as if he was expecting to be wrong about every supposition he made when really he was probably the most smart of them all.

- ... Did I say something stupid ? Dust frowned, sounding a bit nervous.

Why would he feel nervous ? Cross didn't see any reason to feel- oh god he had been staring. He quickly shook his head and looked forward, a purple blush on his cheekbones.

- P-pardon. He apologized.

- Okay.. ?

The walk to the well was... awkward, Cross didn't dare look at him, he didn't want to stare again, at least with his arms holding the jars he wasn't tempted to grab Dust's hand.

Once they arrived Dust looked at the stone well with wonder. Was it the first time he saw a well ? He did have water directly in his house, so maybe wells weren't a thing anymore in the future ?

Cross put the jars down, grabbing the bucket attached to the log above the well to make it fall in until it hit the water and slowly filled itself. Dust was watching carefully, bent over the hole, his eyelights were almost sparkling with curiosity and Cross could see the water reflecting on his bones... he would give anything to be allowed to hold him close and-

- It's full, Dust announced, straightening.

- O-oh uh, oil.. ! Cross was brutally shaken out of his thoughts.

The bucket was full, so Cross pulled on the lever until it came back all the way up to grab it and pour the water in the first jar, when he straightened up Dust was looking at him. He made a grabby motion towards the bucket.

- Can I try ? He asked, badly masking his excitement.

Cross couldn't help but blush as he handed him the bucket and watched as he put it back in the well to wait patiently for it to fill. He didn't think such a simple activity would interest Dust so much, and yet here he was, happily filling the jars with water. There was something childish and yet so attractive to it, Cross wanted to protect that, he wanted to protect that amazement for everything that surrounded him.

- Estrez tanz jolif... Cross said without thinking.

He instantly blushed, he really didn't mean to call Dust pretty. Well, Dust was pretty, but he didn't mean to say it to his face !

- Huh ? Dust answered, not having heard as he was putting the bucket back on the edge of the well.

- E-Eo diseie nos devrïens antrer !

He corrected, saying they needed to go back home as he grabbed the two full jars.

- Oh, we're going ? Don't you want me to hold one ? They look heavy, Dust asked him, going to grab a jar but Cross stopped him.

- Eo puys porter, mercit ! He thanked, telling him he could hold them.

- If you say so, Dust didn't insist.

Cross smiled at him, and lead the way back home with two full jars and a soul racing like never before.

He really needed to get his thoughts under control.

[joyfulcowboycandy]

My tears, oh my tears, I just read your Lilia fic😭😭😭😭I don't think I'll be able to get through my day well. I really need a happy ending for him with her🤧🤧🤧

HI ANON! Thank you for your request ❤! I had to think pretty hard for an idea and I settled on this I hope it's satisfactory! I'm not very good at writing fluff and happy endings so I tried my best:p

Lilia Vonrogue x Reader

❥ part two (part 1: here)

Content warning: none

fem reader

Lilia had spent countless years as a hardened warrior, fighting on the front lines and keeping his heart guarded from attachment or sentimentality. But when she died in his arms, all his strength and resilience seemed to dissolve. Now, he was left with only her memory—and the child she’d entrusted to him, Silver. Raising Silver should have been a way to honor her, but each day felt like a reminder of his failure to protect her. Despite this, he kept her memory close, never sharing the truth with anyone else.

When he’d returned to Briar Valley, he had simply told others he’d found the boy abandoned. He didn’t want their sympathy, their prying questions, or their pity. She was his secret, a part of his soul he guarded as fiercely as any territory he’d once protected in battle.

Though he loved Silver fiercely, Lilia struggled to raise him properly. Silver was human, fragile and dependent in a way that bewildered him. Malleus, though eager to help, was just as lost. He was unused to anything so delicate, and his fascination with Silver’s human traits sometimes did more harm than good.

“I do not understand, Lilia,” Malleus said once as they watched Silver wail at the unfamiliar taste of solid food. “Why does he reject this nourishment? Fae children devour their first meals.”

Lilia only chuckled, masking his own frustration. “Human babies don’t always eat everything, Malleus. They’re… unpredictable.”

But when he was alone, Lilia was less assured. How could he teach a child when his own life had been war and solitude? He often tried to remember the warmth of her smile as she held Silver, the way she’d cradled him with a patience and gentleness he could never seem to match. He’d even picked up books on human parenting, flipping through pages with an intensity usually reserved for military strategies. Yet, with every attempt to follow the words, he felt her absence even more sharply, the emptiness of her laughter lingering in the silence of their small home.

Silver was growing quickly, and with him, Lilia’s feelings shifted. At times, Silver’s big eyes, so much like hers, would look up at him with a trust that made Lilia’s heart ache. But he was also reminded of his failings. How could he raise this child with warmth when he had none left to give? He was a warrior, not a father. And yet… he couldn’t let her down. Each time he saw Silver sleep, curled up and peaceful, he’d lean against the doorway and watch, feeling something unfamiliar and gentle soften his battle-worn heart.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.          Years Later

As he grew older, Silver began to notice things that didn’t quite fit the stories his father told him. Lilia had always said he found Silver, abandoned and alone, and that he’d taken him in. But there were gaps in the story, inconsistencies that left Silver questioning his past.

Sometimes, late at night, Silver would wake to find his father sitting by the fire, staring into the flames with a distant, sorrowful expression Silver had rarely seen. And sometimes, Lilia would hold a small trinket—a ribbon, or a faded piece of cloth—that he quickly hid whenever Silver approached.

“Father,” Silver asked once, “were you alone when you found me?”

Lilia’s gaze shifted, and he masked his expression with a wry smile. “You were all I found that day, Silver. Just a bundle of trouble waiting to happen.”

But Silver couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it. Over time, he learned not to ask too many questions, knowing they would only be deflected. Yet, the mysteries lingered, especially in the moments when he saw a softness in Lilia that he couldn’t quite understand—a gentleness that seemed to speak of someone else.

One night, Silver dozed off after a long day of training, only to find himself drifting into a dream unlike any he’d ever had before. It felt unusually vivid, he realized he were stepping into someone else’s memories rather than his own. He was in a dimly lit forest clearing, and through a haze of recollection, he saw his father, but not as he knew him. This version of Lilia seemed slightly younger, sterner, his gaze sharper and full of fire. And beside him was a woman Silver had never seen before.

She was human, with soft, gentle eyes, and the way she looked at his father was unlike anything Silver had ever witnessed. In one scene, she was gently binding a wound on Lilia’s arm, her hands steady and careful. Lilia was grumbling, clearly unused to being cared for in such a way, but there was a tenderness in his eyes, a look Silver had never seen directed at anyone before.

The memory shifted, and now she was holding a small child—an infant Silver realized with a start was himself. She whispered to the baby in her arms, her words too soft for him to hear, but the expression of love on her face was unmistakable. And when Lilia glanced at her, it was with a mix of admiration, something deeper and unspoken lingering in his gaze.

Silver stirred, feeling an ache in his chest he couldn’t explain. Who was this woman, and why had his father never mentioned her? The dream faded, but the questions remained, and the next morning, he couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Father,” he began hesitantly, watching Lilia’s face, “I had a dream last night… or maybe a memory. There was a woman with you. She looked… kind.”

Lilia stiffened, his usual mirth fading as he met Silver’s gaze. For a moment, he was silent, his eyes betraying a depth of pain Silver had never seen before.

“She was…” Lilia’s voice was barely a whisper. “Someone I lost long ago.”

Silver remained quiet, sensing the weight of the memory and the love his father had hidden all these years. Though Lilia didn’t offer any more details, Silver understood that this woman—his mother—had been someone truly special. 

Silver felt a quiet desperation gnawing at him. Now that he had glimpsed a fragment of her—a woman he felt connected to yet hardly knew—a hollow ache settled in his chest. His father had always kept his sorrow hidden, masking any sign of grief with his usual humor and lightheartedness. But after seeing her, Silver couldn’t ignore the emptiness left by her absence, and he couldn’t accept that this was the end of their story.

The longing grew sharper with each day, his mind drifting back to the mystery of her—a mother he barely remembered, a bond he could only dream of. How could he let things end like this? To never have truly known her felt wrong. Still, he was just a human, and what power did he have over something as final as death?

But the thought wouldn’t let him rest. He was not as helpless as he felt. He was strong, he knew magic, and he was connected to some of the most powerful beings in Twisted Wonderland. Surely there was a way—some forbidden knowledge, some hidden path he hadn’t yet considered.

And then he remembered the rumors, whispers of a witch who resided far beyond Briar Valley, somewhere between worlds, where human souls and fae magic brushed against each other. A powerful sorceress who understood the mysteries of life and death and could speak to the spirits themselves.

The path to this witch wouldn’t be easy, but Silver knew he couldn’t turn back now. This was something he had to do—not just for himself, but for the one who had given everything for him, the one he knew his father had loved in a way he had never spoken of.

Silver set out quietly, keeping his journey a secret from his father, Sebek and Malleus. He ventured through dense forests and past enchanted lakes, traveling farther than he ever had before. His heart remained steadfast, though fear began to settle in as he neared his destination.

Finally, after days of travel, he reached the borderlands between the human world and the realm of the sea—a place where twilight lingered, where ancient stones rose from the mist, and the air was thick with enchantment. In the shadows of the rocks, he caught sight of her: the witch he had heard of. She was cloaked in dark robes, her figure partially obscured, but her gaze was piercing, as though she had been expecting him.

“You seek to bring back a lost soul,” she said before Silver even spoke. Her voice was calm but held a warning, laced with an unsettling wisdom. “A dangerous wish, young one. Life and death are not to be tampered with lightly.”

Silver’s resolve held firm. “I know it’s dangerous, but… she was taken from us too soon. I just want the chance to know her, even if it’s only once.”

The witch regarded him in silence, her expression unreadable. “To bring back a soul from beyond… it requires a great sacrifice,” she finally said. “Not in gold, not in power, but in spirit. To restore what was lost, you must be willing to give something of equal weight in return.”

“What do you mean?” Silver asked, feeling a shiver of uncertainty.

She gave him a steady look. “It will cost you a piece of yourself. Memories, perhaps, or a fragment of your own life force. To give life, something must be taken. And even then, it may not work as you hope. The dead do not always return as they were.”

Silver’s heart raced, but he nodded, his determination unwavering. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

The witch watched him, assessing his resolve before finally nodding. She led him to a clearing at the edge of the shore, where she instructed him to gather rare herbs and light a circle of candles in the shape of the full moon.

Silver could feel the energy drain from him as the witch chanted in the language of old, his very life force spilling into the circle they had created. He closed his eyes, focusing on his mother’s face, the brief glimpses he had seen in his dreams—the gentle smile, the warmth that lingered even in a memory. He barely noticed as the witch’s voice faded, the mist thickening in front of him until it nearly obscured the world.

When he opened his eyes, she was there.

She stood just beyond the edge of the mist, her form wrapped in simple robes of soft, muted colors, somewhere between the shades of twilight and dawn. Her hair, flowing, caught the light in a gentle, silvery sheen. Silver’s heart stilled, his breath caught in his throat as he took in her familiar features—the softness of her gaze, the contours of her face that mirrored his own.

For a moment, she looked around in confusion, her brow furrowing as her gaze settled on him, lingering with a glimmer of recognition that hadn’t fully settled. She studied his face, her eyes taking in every feature as if piecing together a puzzle from fragments of memory.

Silver’s lips parted, and the word slipped out like a breath. “Mother…”

Her eyes widened, the dawning realization flooding her expression, and then, as if nothing else in the world mattered, she moved toward him. At first, a tentative step, and then, as recognition and emotion surged within her, she rushed forward, wrapping her arms around him with a force that belied her slight frame. Silver’s arms moved instinctively to hold her, his heart pounding as he felt the solid warmth of her, the reality of her presence.

They held each other for a long moment, both too overwhelmed to speak, both still trembling with the fragile wonder of what had just happened. She pulled back slightly, gazing up at him, her eyes studying every line and shadow on his face. She let out a soft, incredulous laugh, a sound both joyful and tearful.

“Silver…” she whispered, her voice filled with wonder. “You… you’ve grown so much. You’re so big now.”

Silver managed a shaky smile, barely able to contain the overwhelming surge of emotions. “I… I never thought I’d see you…”

Her hand reached up, brushing his cheek, her fingers lingering as though she was still trying to assure herself he was real. “I don’t understand how… or why… but I felt something calling me back, a longing I couldn’t ignore.” Her voice faltered, softening. “I thought I’d lost you both forever.”

Silver shook his head, his own hand moving to cover hers. “No. I had to bring you back. I had to know you—just once.” His voice broke slightly, but he didn’t care; he needed her to know the depth of his longing, the years he had wondered about her.

They shared another silent moment, just taking in the wonder of being reunited before Silver finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “There’s someone who needs to see you… someone who’s missed you even more than I have.”

Her gaze brightened, and she nodded, a glimmer of emotion flickering in her eyes as she realized who he meant. “Take me to him.”

When they returned to Briar Valley, Silver led her to the castle, his heart racing with anticipation and awe. Lilia was there, his usually cheerful expression softening as he spotted Silver at the entrance. But when his gaze landed on the figure beside him, he froze.

For a heartbeat, Lilia seemed unable to comprehend what he was seeing. His eyes widened, his mouth slightly open as he took in the sight of her, standing beside Silver, alive, her eyes shining as she met his gaze.

“Lilia…” she whispered, her voice breaking as tears pooled in her eyes.

Lilia took a hesitant step forward, his composure slipping away, replaced by an expression Silver had never seen before—a vulnerability, a disbelief, and a raw, overwhelming joy. “How…?” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

Unable to hold back any longer, she moved toward him, her steps quickening until she wrapped her arms around him, clinging to him as if he might vanish. Lilia’s arms encircled her, holding her tightly, and a tear slipped down his cheek as he buried his face in her shoulder.

They stayed like that, the two of them locked in an embrace, their reunion marked by silent tears and whispered words of comfort and disbelief. Silver watched, a warmth filling his chest, his heart swelling with quiet happiness as he witnessed the reunion he had always longed for.

When they finally pulled back, Lilia placed a gentle hand on her face, brushing away a tear. “I thought I’d lost you forever,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion, his eyes softened with a depth of love that Silver had never seen before.

She placed her hand over his. “You never lost me. I was always there… watching over you both.”

Lilia looked toward Silver, his gaze filled with gratitude and something else—a newfound pride, a warmth that he struggled to put into words.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.  BONUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silver led his mother, Y/N, through the stone corridors of the castle. She held herself with quiet grace, her steps soft, but she was clearly a bit nervous. As they approached the courtyard, Malleus and Sebek stood waiting, expressions guarded yet curious.

“Mother,” Silver began, a touch of pride in his voice, “these are my friends: Malleus Draconia and Sebek Zigvolt.”

Y/N gave a small, respectful nod, her gaze briefly meeting theirs before she glanced aside shyly. “It’s… nice to meet you both. I’ve heard a little of you on the way here.”

Malleus tilted his head, regarding her with a steady, thoughtful gaze. “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.”

“Wait,” Sebek interjected, brows drawing together in confusion, “Silver, you… have a mother? That’s not the story Master Lilia told us…” His voice was skeptical, yet respectful.

Silver shifted slightly. “I uh…. Well, it’s complicated…”

Just then, Lilia approached, hands behind his back, giving the scene an amused glance before his gaze softened on Y/N. She caught his eye, a bit of warmth there, even if neither spoke right away.

“Lilia,” Malleus finally ventured, “perhaps you could enlighten us?”

Lilia gave a faint smirk, his tone dry. “Oh, I do seem to have forgotten a few details, haven’t I?” His eyes flicked to Y/N with a hint of warmth. “She has a habit of showing up when you least expect it.”

Y/N chuckled softly, glancing at Lilia. “Some things haven’t changed.”

Sebek was still gaping, while Malleus studied the quiet exchange between Y/N and Lilia with a thoughtful look. Lilia only shrugged, his voice nonchalant but his gaze carrying a deeper feeling as he said, “Every family has a few secrets, after all.”

Bonus 2: Y/n: Oh… You cut your hair. Lilia: Yes, I did… Did you like it longer? I’ll grow it out. Y/n: W-what? It’s okay! I love it now too. It’s cute. Lilia: I love you too–oh, I mean I love it too, yes.

[signoferoda]

Bestiee loved all your stories u have written!💗 can I request a angsty one shot?? Like H has being neglecting reader nd one time she made dinner for him nd he came late nd she was so sad but she didn't said anything cause she didn't want to be a burden so h came nd sees her sleeping on couch nd dinner was on the dining table nd then apologize to her for the way he was behaving nd it ends with smut??

I don't know if u would like this idea but if u comfortable writing this I would love to read it:)

enjoy! I’m sorry I’ve kept you waiting so long :(

***

The cool autumn air drifted through the slightly open window of the cozy apartment, carrying with it the faint scent of the pumpkin spice candle burning on the coffee table. Y/N stood in the kitchen, glancing at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. The soft hum of the oven filled the silence, a stark contrast to the lively chatter that usually filled their home.

Harry had been distant lately. Late nights at the studio had turned into missed dinners and brief, half-hearted conversations. Y/N couldn't remember the last time they'd shared a meal or even a genuine moment together. Tonight was supposed to be different. She had spent hours preparing Harry's favourite meal, hoping it might remind him of the love and warmth they once shared.

She glanced at the clock again. 10:15 PM. Her heart sank a little deeper with each passing minute. She had texted him earlier, reminding him about dinner, but his response had been the usual vague promise: "I'll try to make it."

Y/N set the table, placing the freshly baked lasagna in the centre. The salad was already wilting, and the wine had lost its chill. She sighed, feeling a mix of frustration and sadness. She didn't want to be a burden, to nag him about spending time together. She knew how hard he was working, how much he wanted to succeed. But it hurt, nonetheless.

Finally, the front door creaked open, and Harry stepped in, looking exhausted. His tie was loosened, and his hair was a disheveled mess. He paused in the doorway, his eyes immediately drawn to the untouched dinner and the solitary place setting.

"Y/N?" he called softly, his voice heavy with fatigue.

No response. He walked further into the apartment, spotting her curled up on the couch, asleep. Her face was a picture of peaceful slumber, but he could see the traces of disappointment etched in her features. Guilt gnawed at him as he realised just how much he'd been neglecting her.

Harry quietly approached her, crouching down to brush a stray hair from her face. She stirred slightly but didn't wake. He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"I'm so sorry, love," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I'm so sorry for everything."

He took a moment to compose himself, then stood and walked back to the kitchen. The sight of the meticulously prepared meal made his chest tighten. She had gone through all this trouble for him, and he hadn't even had the decency to show up on time. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her this vulnerable, and it shattered him.

Harry carefully reheated the lasagna, wanting to at least try and salvage some part of her effort. As the oven worked its magic, he poured himself a glass of wine and took a long sip, reflecting on how distant he had become. He missed her. He missed them.

When the food was ready, he filled a plate and brought it to the couch. Sitting down beside her, he gently shook her shoulder. "Y/N, wake up, love."

Her eyes fluttered open, confusion giving way to surprise as she saw him holding the plate of food. "Harry?" she murmured, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?"

"It's late," he admitted, his voice soft. "I’m sorry I missed dinner. But I'm here now."

She looked at the plate and then back at him, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I... I didn't want to bother you. I know how busy you've been with the album."

Harry placed the plate on the coffee table and took her hands in his. "You could never be a bother to me, Y/N. I've been an idiot, pushing you aside for work. I thought I was doing it for us, but I see now that I've only been hurting you."

Tears finally spilled down her cheeks, and Harry pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry," he whispered into her hair. "I promise I'll do better. You mean everything to me, and I can't keep neglecting you like this."

She clung to him, the weight of her loneliness slowly lifting. "I just missed you, Harry. I miss us."

"I miss us too," he said, pulling back to look into her eyes. "Let's make it right, starting now. How about we share this meal together?"

She nodded, a small smile breaking through her tears. "I'd like that."

They sat on the couch, sharing the reheated lasagna and sipping the now-warm wine. The food was delicious, but more than that, it was the warmth of their rekindled connection that filled the room. They talked, really talked, for the first time in what felt like forever. And as the night wore on, the distance between them faded, replaced by a renewed promise of love and understanding.

Harry held her close as they finished the last of their meal, grateful for the second chance to make things right. He knew it wouldn't be easy, that they had a lot of healing to do. But with Y/N by his side, he felt hopeful. They had found their way back to each other, and that was a start.

[sleepymccoy]

Okay I have work to do but I keep thinking about this plot bunny instead so I'm just gonna write it out. I'm not actually gonna write the fic cos if imma write amnesia I'll do my og story that I'm working on, but I reckon that story idea is what made this one come up in my head

Anyway, enjoy a synopsis

Basically, background is mirror Spock forced a permanent bond with McCoy when he went so hard so fast on the mind meld. When McCoy came back, this bond translated to basically an unconsummated marriage bond with Spock.

Spock clocked this immediately of course and once he found out what happened he quietly went about closing his access to McCoy's mind. Never told McCoy, cos it's not gonna come up. And he just politely doesn't use the bond. It's shut

Until! This fic starts with Spock being drugged maybe I guess and he loses his memory. Maybe he remembers his life up to a point, but certainly no starfleet memories. Actually yeah that's juicy cos then he's like why the fuck am I working for humans?? Anyway

Memory loss, going drugged rather than hurt so that it can fix up easily enough when his lover works through the toxin and also so that there's some period of time before he wakes where the barriers he put in their bond fail

So Spock wakes up and has a meeting with Jim about who he is, where his loyalties are, and if he can do his job. And the whole time he's got this corner of his mind that's just rushing with complex, out of place emotions.

He steadily figures out it's a bond, but he doesn't know who to. And he can't access the bond well, it's not consummated! Jim ends up getting worried and calls McCoy up and McCoy's all pissed off cos he's mid surgery and snarky and Spock's like okay so I'm not married to the captain or the doctor because the emotions I'm getting are like concern and love and neither are showing that. One's professional, one's angry.

Spock ends up meditating and manages to prod his spouse through the bond. He does this a few times until they get a call to the bridge that McCoy's not well so he and Jim go down and McCoy's like something it WRONG with MY BRAIN I don't wanna lose my memories like Spock has, he's a useless fucker now

And Spock's like. This guy is insulting me but the only emotion I'm getting is grief and panic. Guess the brain thing isn't me poking the bond

So he pokes it again and nope definitely McCoy, and he's not happy about it. So Spock explains himself

Unfortunately saying, "the latent marriage bond between doctor McCoy and myself if the cause of his acute medical distress" isn't an explanation that goes over well

So there's another meeting, this time with McCoy pacing around the table as Jim tries to mediate. And Spock keeps announcing what McCoy's feeling even when he's acting differently. It takes four times before McCoy's performed anger actually matches his feelings, which Spock announces, which makes Jim laugh

Anyway it is what it is. Spock and McCoy finally managed to have a genuine talk after work, while McCoy has a bourbon in hand, and McCoy really insists they're not together and he doesn't know where this bond has come from. His Spock never said anything about it

And Spock's like I'm the same man and I said something three hours ago. And McCoy throws a book at him, but all the feeling Spock gets is immense fondness. So he comments on that. And McCoy is suddenly very sad

It's confusing. Spock is dizzy. He kisses McCoy because he feels like he ought to and McCoy kicks him out

Two days later, and many enormously complex feelings in his brain but very little interaction with McCoy to compare them to, Spock gets his memories back

😬

He apologises to McCoy for this kiss. McCoy is more pissed off about the bond. Spock can tell that's not true, but he's better at pretending not to know what McCoy really feels. So he explains the bond thing and that he can as good as close it off

McCoy tells him to close it. Spock admits he can tell that it's not what McCoy really wants. McCoy goes apoplectic. Spock offers to teach him to use it. McCoy leaves

Spock is meditating to close the bond when it shakes, like a spider web catching a furious fly. It's a wonderful feeling, his spouse interacting with their bond for the first time. So Spock opens himself to it and lets McCoy explore

He doesn't explore long. And he's pretty rough and fumbly about it. Whacks the spider web a couple times then leaves. Spock enjoys it anyway

Spock goes to visit once McCoy stops and McCoy's very defensive about it all, even more so when he finds out Spock really doesn't mind. Spock shows him where the connection is and how to reach out to it

McCoy takes to it like a duck to water. They argue that night but it's different, the words dance along the surface of the lake while they swirl together beneath, tides and currents pulling at each other. McCoy's emotions change on a dime, constantly fighting. And it's all there, respect, hate, attraction, disregard, humour, adoration.

Sometimes without warning McCoy will laugh, then admit the conflict between what Spock feels and says is fascinating to him. He loves to see it. He loves learning now how Spock sees the world

And at one point, for just a moment, McCoy seems to love him. Spock knows it's not real, and McCoy emotions are all over the place, but still he feels the thrum of love, then the tone changes dramatically

Because McCoy felt Spock's like for him. Deeper than friendship, more obsessive than colleagues, more physical than brothers.

So Spock promises to close the connection. McCoy admits to some of the same feelings, but Spock knew that. McCoy feels everything all the time, there's no consistency in him. If he wanted, truly and genuinely, then Spock would know about it. He knows at best McCoy is erratic

Then McCoy says something about hate being next to love, and they're kissing again. And this time McCoy doesn't ask him to leave

Spock does forget to warn McCoy that consummation will scale up the bond and oh boy McCoy is pissed off in the morning. Genuinely pissed off too, and Spock can tell

[memoirofasparklemuff1n]

I hope you are well, sorry if there are any errors (English is not my native language), I love your stories, I would like you to write one of anguish, sadness, as sad as you can, about Rafe. I would appreciate it very much

long sleeves- r.c. x reader

i made a part 2!!!

OMGG my first request!!! i'm good and i hope you are as well <3 thank you for asking bb. sorry i took so long, i just started school and i hadn't seen this for some reason, but i gotchu. and don't worry about the english, it's not my first language either, so i see you hehe I HOPE THIS IS SAD ENOUGH!! if not lmk, cuz i'll crank it up. a/n: i actually had this idea earlier today so i think i can do this. i hope you like gracie abrams cuz it's inspired by long sleeves and i've wanted to use this song in something since it came out lol. warnings: drug mentions with addiction portrayal and domestic violence, as well as depression. if it's too much don't read it, take care of yourself first! <3

i don't know what it is about how you breathe.

his chest rising and falling, his face turned away from me even in his sleep. it seemed like it was always this way now, so much so that i couldn't even remember the last time his eyes warmed my soul instead of turning it into ice. i turned to face the ceiling and took in a few deep breaths, before i untangled myself from his sheets and padded toward the bathroom. i turned on the light before locking the door behind me and turned to face the mirror. my hollow, tired face staring back at me. when had i become this girl? i stepped closer as if in fear of seeing up close the sadness that invaded my features. dark circles looked permanently etched to my skin a shiver passing through me. i looked down at my arms, which were covered by rafe's long sleeved shirt. i lifted them slowly and saw the bruises that circled my wrists like a twisted version of bracelets.

he hurt me. not just emotionally this time, he physically hurt me.

i'll never hurt you, okay? how stupid i'd been to believe those words, when all he ever did was hurt me. again and again and again. the worst part being that i always forgave him, but i couldn't this time, not when the evidence was staring right at me in the mirror. i had to do this for her, for me. i pull the sleeves down and left the sad girl in the mirror forever. the doorknob somehow felt like the scariest thing in the world. it's just a door, don't be an idiot. i rolled my eyes because that was the only thing i could be these days. a fucking idiot.

i gathered what little courage i still had left and opened the door silently, relieved to see him in the same position as before. i went to the side of his bed as quietly as i could and looked at his face for what felt like forever. his hair fell over his forehead in a childlike manner, no angry lines or hateful glares in sight.

when had i lost him? the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend?

this was all my fault, i turned my back at the wrong moment. his stupid friends encouraging him to try out this new 'kicker'. snow, they called it. ridiculous. when i came back he was cutting that ivory into skinny pieces, then he cleaned it with his face. i remember standing there in shock and a sizzling rage began brimming to the surface. i stalked towards him pushing his face back, then dragging him by the arm outside of whatever stupid kook's house we were at.

that was the first time we'd ever fought and i felt my heart crack a little. he knew how much i hated drugs, the way they ruined people. hell, i even hated drinking but it wasn't my body so whatever. this was different and he knew it, but of course he always had to be the coolest guy around his friends. i'd walked home that night, waking up to him blasting my phone with calls and text messages. he'd apologized and i'd believed him.

then he apologized again, then again and again. the cycle had already formed. i'd accepted his outbursts despite them hurting me emotionally, maybe because i couldn't see the bruises up front.

it was hard to believe this was the same boy who'd screamed at me. who told me he hated me to my face with his hands wrapped around my wrists hard enough to bruise just a few hours earlier before passing out after getting high again. he almost looked like his old self, almost being the keyword. his nose still had a bit of white powder on it, a baggie of cocaine and a rolled up $100 bill at the side, along with some pills that i didn't even want to know what they were.

i turned and took out the bag i usually brought when i was staying over at his house, before walking towards the dresser and opening the drawers. i had a small haul of clothes for when i was here for more than a day or two and couldn't help but let the tears start streaming down my face. i remembered the day he'd made this small space for me, the gesture solidifying our relationship in my head. i remembered his smile and the way he'd kissed my face for what seemed a million times. "i love you, kid." he always called me kid in a teasing way because it irritated the hell out of me but when he said it like that, i knew i'd let him call me whatever he wanted and i'd gladly accept it.

the memory was a stark contrast to the now cold room, with the moon as my only witness. i finished packing everything before putting on sweatpants and my shoes. i felt him stir a bit and i pleaded to whatever divine power was out there that he'd just pretend it was only wind.

i looked at his beautiful face one more time, a single tear falling to his side, the irony not lost on me.

i turned and left him behind. the tears blurred my vision just enough that i couldn't record the final moments in which i would ever walk these halls again.

y'all why she so dramatic with her packing up, lmaoo. (i literally would’ve been worse)

ok but on a serious note, if you or anybody you know is in a similar situation, please try your best to break the cycle <3 i'm thinking of maybe writing a part two but i don't know if i should sooo lmk. div creds!!- by @anitalenia

[kidspawn]

hi! i see you posting about the raven cycle like, pretty much daily. i’ve Tried to read it but i wasn’t really sure if i was digging the vibes so i moved on to something else. but like dude i keep seeing your posts and it makes me feel left out lmao. i would be most grateful if you gave a few reasons as to why someone should read the raven cycle/why You like it

AHHH THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME. Permission to gush about The Raven Cycle? God, this is like a special little present. I'll do anything to about these books. ANYTHING. That you'd come to me means everything, actually.

Buckle up, get some tea or pop or water or just your attention this will be quite a bit.

The Raven Cycle is a very specific vibe and it isn't everyone's cup of tea, which is unfortunate but it is a matter of discerning what you enjoy about media or what you like to take away from books. I try to stray from just going "oh here's a handful of literary tropes which make this worth reading" cause I could talk about how it's got gorgeous queer rep, or it's found family, or disguises itself as dark academia but it's just identity exploration under the veneer of a magical realism story. But that doesn't do anything to convince someone to read it, imo. So here goes:

So, here's like... my ultimate brainrot in this regard. Starting with tone/structure, which is where people get lost I've noticed. Because I think this series is a slow build to something gorgeous. I'll say the first book is meant to raise questions, introduce conflicts and the overall energy of the series. You'll encounter red herrings, false leads, etc. It's kind of an acclimation to the world. If you're hooked about halfway in, that's the point. The plot takes a minute to kick in, but please remember it's not all about the plot. The plot is here to carry the characters and their themes and magic and journeys. This carries throughout the series. The plot is to transform the characters not the other way around. This is a character driven series. More on that later. The second book (The Dream Thieves) FUCKING BANGS. I would argue it's the best written of the series, even if it isn't my personal favourite (BLLB my beloved) i want whatever Maggie Stiefvater was on writing it. I'd describe the series like having an incredibly vivid dream. You'll wake up and something feels different, you've been affected, but the details might slip by. Which means periodic rereads to immerse yourself again. And as you reread, the more foreshadowing and details you pick up on. So structurally, it's great for annual rereads. You'll see people call it all vibes, little plot. Which... fair.

So here's a breakdown of things I personally enjoy. Because I love organizing my thoughts into structured lists. I'll keep it as spoiler free as possible, because I went into this entirely blind and I was rewarded heavily for it.

1. Plot

I know I just went off about how the real plot is the friends they made along the way but actually I love the plot. The initial conflict you're told to worry about (remember what I said about false leads lmao) is the idea of the MC kissing her true love and killing him. And this informs a huge piece of the story, of course. It's pretty uhhh it's a pretty big deal. But this aspect of the plot, I think, works better for individual characterization and future conflicts. It's touched by the real plot, but not as entwined as you're lead to believe.

The real plot is more of a quest, a venture into a lost king who our ensemble cast (once again, false lead, it's not about one person it's about the entire group) is looking for. They uncover decades of history and magic, and form a beautiful friendship along the way. The plot is not the destination, it's the journey. Don't focus entirely on how they're going to find Glendower, focus on how they get there. Learn WHY they want to find Glendower. What are their motivations? Why do they want to aid Gansey (one of the character)? What is the draw, the appeal? Why is it so important to them? And how does the search shape them as people and shape their relationships with each other? I see people go into The Raven Cycle expecting a typical adventure book and so they hone in on the wrong details - which is not their fault, the book was poorly marketed. Just remember it's less about Glendower, it's the friends they made along the way.

2. Characters

"If the plot isn't important these characters have to be revolutionary to carry seven books" is a statement I'm sure has come across your mind. If it hadn't prior, now it has! I've put it in your head. Because YES. That's the point.

These characters so multidimensional. There are crevices and flaws and beauties and diamonds in the rough. Each character dances with YA tropes but breaks from that mold. A giant piece of the series is how characters present to the world, how they feel about themselves, and who they wish they could be. And as readers, we are tasked with peeling these layers back. Brief overview and its not a proper character analysis because I don't want to go on for 100k words.

So, say, this character who presents himself as very prim, presidential, composed. He is always, to the surface, in control of the room. Yeah, he's actually a ball of anxiety. He is obsessive and probably autistic. He is taken over by this quest, he has honed in with a singleminded focus on this search for Glendower. He seems condescending and pretentious - he doesn't even register he is doing this half the time, and a huge piece of his character is the power of his words and how he uses them. He doesn't mean to hurt with his words, it just spills out. He cares, and he cares so much it inadvertently hurts and offends. He speaks like a grandpa. He was on the rowing team. He builds towns out of cereal boxes. Another character seems like your typical "omg dark and broody he's so cool and mysterious". He's actually like that because he's coping with some intense mental health issues, he is scared of being left behind especially after some very specific familial trauma. He's also very sweet, possibly the most softhearted in the group. He saves a baby bird. He loves with every bone and synapse in his body. He's catholic. He has a nut allergy. He swears every other sentence. He is a pack animal and he snarls because he protects the people who mean the most to him. He doesn't do casual, in friendship or romance or in his day to day. He's a perfectionist. He hates school. He's top of the class in Latin. Our main girl, the one you've probably read about already, looks like a manic pixie dream girl. She could've easily become your stereotypical YA bland female read. She has so much personality it spills over to everyone else. She is teeming with it. She's practical and sensible and wishes she wasn't. She sews her own clothes and has a peculiar haircut. She is a teenage girl. She is very sure of who she is. She has nuanced female relationships with incredible heft and weight. She loves nature and trees and her boys. She meets a cute boy and has a very realistic response to this. She's a feminist and calls out people who mistreat her. She has boundaries and stands by them. She's stubborn and a little judgemental. She is so sixteen year old girl in that beautifully complex and confusing and tumultuous way. Another character is a mess of contradictions. I can't even begin to explain him he's so djsjdjsj. He's an asshole. He's quiet. He's notably off putting. He's not shy he's methodical. He believes in the tactile world but he believes in his friend more. He's honest, but only because he isn't very good at lying. He wishes he could be himself. He feels trapped. He wants to be his own person. He values his autonomy over anything. He'd be a villain if he didn't love his friends so much. He's not an uwu soft boy he's a fucking menace. He has the most moral flexibility in the cast. He has a strong sense of justice but he defines that on his own terms. He is horny. He is pragmatic. He works three jobs. He's top of his class. He hates rich people. He wishes he was one of them. He's unknowable. He's a mechanic. He has boyish hands. I can't talk about the other two because they're spoilers - all I can say is one tells you exactly what the fuck he is from the start, and the other is the MC of another series who got plopped into this one and made it everyone's problem. Also robobee.

These characters are so... they mean everything to me. They are so multifaceted and realistic and raw. They're teenagers and you KNOW they're teenagers. They've all been through unspeakable trauma and trials. This book demands you go on this journey with them and you accept them for their flaws, their delights, their triumphs, their sharp edges. They are the most characters of all time. I am not doing them justice. They are so REAL. There isn't a "fan favourite" because there's something appealing about each of them. There's so many minute details to read too much into. And it's fun to analyze characters with these miniature context clues. I read these books as a high schooler, and to this day Adam Parrish is one of my favourite characters ever point blank. There's a rawness to these people that sticks with you.

We read the books and the more we learn about the characters the more real they become, almost like you're earning their authentic selves. I'd say the characters are the strongest piece of these books, by a LONG shot.

3. Writing Style

Just taking a more technical stance, I think the most appealing part of the series for me is Maggie Stiefvater's writing style. It's, put simply, absolutely breathtaking. I think specifically she has a tremendous ability to make what should be a very mundane sentence feel magical. I think there's a fine line with flowery writing where it can feel pretentious if it doesn't work for what the author is trying to do, or if they don't pull it off. She pulls it off beautifully. So let me just share a few of my favourite (spoiler free!) passages I keep in a notes app on my phone:

My words are unerring tools of destruction, and I’ve come unequipped with the ability to disarm them.

He was full of so many wants, too many to prioritize, and so they all felt so desperate

He'd chosen his weapon well: only the truth, untempered by kindness.

Being Adam Parrish was a complicated thing, a wonder of muscles and organs, synapses and nerves. He was a miracle of moving parts, a study in survival. The most important thing to Adam Parrish, though, had always been free will, the ability to be his own master.

Because I am overfull on secrets and underfull on friends.

Consider this a sampler platter. She has a way with words i can't even begin to describe, one that has influenced my writing style substantially and I imagine many others. Saying a phone "fussed for attention" is such a unique way to turn a common phrase on its head. This series was MADE to be annotated.

(For reference, these are my annotation copies)

She's so deliberate with her word choice, she cycles through and repeats phrases to make a point. When I call a writing style something like poetry, this is what I mean. She changes her narration structure to illustrate how characters comprehend the world. She does a very specific thing that i can't say without spoiling you, unfortunately, but involves the repeating of a word or phrase or concept to drive a point home. There's a turn of phrase that gets used in the beginning of first book involving the days of the week and gets used again at the end of the seventh book (third book in the second series).

What's more is it makes sense for the themes and tone of the series. Remember how I said it feels like a disturbingly vivid dream? Yes, it's largely because of how she writes. There is something enchanting about this world, this intimate and focused story.

4. Relationships

In my brief introduction, I mentioned found family. I think codependent queer friend group would be more accurate, but however you describe it this series is about friendship. Famously, the author kept a sticky note that the worst thing that could happen is them not being friends. And this is crucial to the series. I'd say after the individual characters, the relationships are the biggest draw.

Notice, of course, that I'm not separating romance and friendship. Half because all the romances START as friendships, and half because the relationships are all put on equal ground in that aspect. The Raven Cycle takes great care to show all forms of love as equal and necessary for each character. It was marketed as a romance, but I think describing it as a more general love story would work. These characters, who shouldn't work together, fall in love with each other throughout the series. In all forms. Platonic, brotherly, romantic.

Each character has a unique dynamic individually with another, even the ones who don't interact very much. Whether that's from brotherhood, divorced parents core, attempts at dating, belligerent friends who encourage one another to commit crime, etc. Take any character, pair them with another for a chapter, and it will work. It will make sense. I think in a lot of ensembles certain duos get neglected, but the series balances this issue very well. They all love each other, obsessively and with such devotion that the only reason they get through all the horrid things they do is because they love each other. Their faith and dedication to one another fills so much of the heart of the series.

Additionally, (and if you follow me you know but I'll be vague just in case?) the romance is... w o w. Just wow. If you're into shipping, then welcome this is... wow. I wouldn't classify the series as a romance, because the romance is so intertwined with the friendships and it's very subtle buildup. It's more of a backdrop, right? It's definitely there, but it isn't the only thing going on. Once again, an aspect I enjoy. The romances take up just as much time and weight as the friendships. You essentially get three romantic arcs (with the situationship that shan't be named bc its a walking warning [redacted] you will always be famous i need to put him in a jar) and each serves a crucial purpose. An initial romance which serves as a sort of catalyst for the others, where both those characters separate and find romantic relationships that fulfill their needs and help their character arcs. The series is very into soulmates and fantastical pining and hand holding and friends to lovers and falling in love in the little moments. Also there's a very religious element to one of the romances, which I've always eaten up and I think it's beautifully done. I'm not describing it well, because frankly it's spoiler heavy to discuss the romance too extensively. But once again, these relationships and friendships have consumed me for YEARS now, if that's an indication of how much I adore their relationships. And don't be misled, the relationships are very different. It's not copy pasted. If i had to assign like... specific tropes I'd say one is kind of a doomed soulmates and secret relationship and the other is a slow burn with some batshit fucking pining also cunt4cunt. And yes, there is queer romance. More on that later.

To round out this aspect here's two quotes that make me absolutely batshit, with the names redacted to avoid spoilers:

Why do we breathe air? Because we love air? Because we don’t want to suffocate. Why do we eat? Because we don’t want to starve. How do I know I love her? Because I can sleep after I talk to her.

[Redacted] lived in an apartment located above the office of St. Agnes Catholic Church, a fortuitous combination that focused most of the objects of [Other Redacted]'s worship into one downtown block

In that moment, Blue was a little in love with all of them. Their magic. Their quest. Their awfulness and strangeness. Her raven boys.

Yeah, have you ever been sixteen and reading this for the first time? Yeah, I could've been doing crack but it wouldn't have the same high i got reading all these for the first time.

Anyway.

5. Humour

I mean. Listen, I'm a funny person. I'm hilarious. I like to think I'm a great metric for what is or isn't funny, and not to brag but I'm good at making people laugh. Trust my metric, if there is one thing I have in this world it is that I am funny and I know funny material.

So trust me when I say this series' sense of humour is so utterly bizarre and wild and delightfully funny. Maggie Stiefvater has a weird ass sense of humour and I love it. She'll string together the most heartwrenching sentence about feeling like an empty hole with nothing inside and the most beautiful metaphor for depression and mental health I've ever seen, then bust out "WAKE UP FUCKWEASEL" and you cant even be fazed at this point because it's book two and you've read almost 500 pages of this bullshit. Ronan Lynch is owed royalties for saying some of the most off-the-rail bullshit i have ever seen.

"With a sigh, Ronan took a photo of his elbow bent to look like a butt, texted it over, and got up." "the sea of clusterfuck" "never-never land of space time fuckery" "yeehaw" (multiple accounts! btw!) "'What the fresh hell is this' Gansey said pleasantly'" and I'm not even going to touch the whole heaven-usurper meltdown because hey what the fuck that was insane. This all sounds like nonsense but the fact that all of these are bracketed by something like "if you never saw the stars candles were enough" or "people shout when they don't have the vocabulary to whisper" is fucking insane.

These books are so delightfully weird kid core. Like hell yeah. It makes me laugh. There is something wrong with Kavinsky especially but damn it he's so funny. A solid character moment involves two characters faking an argument in public to preserve the others reputation for hating rich boys and this is like a legitimate solid moment for this relationship and it's so she'll get in the damn car. That's it. I love these books. One character wears boat shoes and we should probably ridicule him for it but he's also very cute so he gets a pass. There is a toga party. Copious discussions of a fake song used to torment the entire crew. Robobee.

6. Sexuality and Queer Themes

This series is inherently very queer. Not even talking about the canonically queer couple that I sold my soul to in tenth grade. No, I mean tonally. The second trilogy explicitly describes this friend group as delightfully queer, and i think that warrants pointing out. All the characters are either implied to be some brand of fruit or fruit adjacent. Like artificial banana, at least. I digress, it's part of the gay bird book trio for a reason. Found family is a queer trope and one of the characters was literally raised in an all female witch commune. Also like... a lot of genderqueer coding occurs. And I think one of the characters all but describes himself as aroace, which this series doesn't quite use labels so I take it as confirmation but I digress.

Besides the obvious as stated above, and the confirmed queer characters, the series has a very nuanced and refreshing perspective on queer relationships. One of the characters grapples with his queer identity in the second book, is battling a lot of internalized self hatred which happens to intertwine with sexuality - and its not exactly gayngst (though it's not... not gayngst) but tied into an aspect of his personality that I can't really speak on without spoiling. But his acceptance, almost, of his identity and who he is happens to include being gay. It's not so much a realization but a "Ok i am good with myself and by extension I am comfortable admitting my sexuality because I am working on accepting myself." This gets juxtaposed with a character who IS struggling extensively with his sexuality, is horrid and vile (and so fucking fascinating) and disrespectful of boundaries and its made very clear struggling with being gay is a part of this. I worry I am not explaining this well but the two bounce off each other in this regard and it was actually oddly refreshing to see how this was executed. They're foils, in this way, and it solidifies the first characters acceptance of who he is. It's orchestrated beautifully. And while I won't disregard religious guilt, I don't think the religious aspect is so entwined in the internalized homophobia so much as it's tied into all this characters self loathing. It's intentionally a vague storyline in these regards, because a lot of it is up to interpretation - but the character being gay is NOT. You as the reader can decide what his precise relationship was with it and what this journey means, but it does tie into self loathing.

And not to harp on further, but there is a very lovely bout of bisexual rep. Once again, it's not explicitly stated as bisexuality but like... that is a bisexual. Trust me. Shows attraction to men and women equally (though in different brands, which doesn't always happen with bisexual characters! He's allowed to have types, to experience attraction to different genders in different ways. I really really like that.) His sexuality is quieter (as is the character), in my opinion, not so much in its not there, but it's not a hefty part of his individual arc. And this character could have easily had a queer angst arc. He doesn't. He has a romantic crisis, yes. But his bisexuality is a part of himself he doesn't gripe and stress over, at least to my interpretation. His sexuality is one part of many things that represent him - being quiet but also quite loud, embracing yourself and your potential. I cannot stress enough that it is important to who he is, but it's really really refreshing as a bisexual person to see a character just... be bisexual. He hides a lot about himself, and he comes across more as a "no one asks me so I don't offer it but I'd be open if someone did." Not the point, but I have a very special place in my heart for bisexual representation that breaks the typical mold. He goes on to be very open and comfortable in it.

Some more subtle aspects of sexuality: a character describes himself in a way that insinuates he is aroace, and considering how little labeling occurs in the books, I think it's safe to see this character is likely aroace. But we spend very little time with him, as he's only with us for one book. Still, a win is a win. Also the second series has sapphic characters (MANY actually) but let me convince you to get through the first. The second series is somehow even more flagrantly queer than the other. Gays everywhere. I sound ridiculous, I know, but queer rep is very important to me, so ofc I highlight this as important.

7. Trauma, Grief and Healing

I'll keep this brief because this definitely veers into spoiler territory.

I could keep this in a bulleted list, but I think this point is one of the reasons I especially appreciate this series. I've alluded to a lot of particular traumas the characters have dealt with, many parental, and I want to take a minute to say that the series handles the arc of growing and healing in a very nuanced and realistic way.

Its very common, i think, to sand down the ugly aspects of undoing years of abuse, the aftermath of losing parents, how a near death experience warps you, how death affects you. And the series doesn't shy away from that - it's actually a main focus for several of their arcs, and the focus on the healing process is so so incredible. Like I said, I'll kept it as spoiler free as possible. How does it look to move forward when you've left an abusive home? As you undo years of repression and toxic masculinity? How does that affect your relationships with your friends? Do you get mean? Short tempered? Do you learn that your body and your life is your own, that you will never be owned by another person like you fear? How does losing a parent, a home, a brotherly relationship in the span of a week change you? Do you become depressed? Angry? Closed off and flippantly sarcastic as a mask? Does it destroy the relationships you had with your other family members? How does one grapple with having died? Being alive? Do you find out why? Do you fear dying again? Do you worry about bothering others or inconveniencing them? Do you, after finding out you'll die, spend months trying to keep your friends afloat? What does trauma look like for each of these individuals with differing experiences? How does it inform their journeys and who they are? It is beautiful and raw and honest and ugly all in equal measure. We are so used to seeing characters suffer, it's nice to see them heal and to see characters heal in ways we as an audience may not always see as palatable.

NOW! Rapid fire! Because these are other things I enjoy but not enough to have a gratuitous paragraph:

- awkward teens and awkward teen dynamics.

- growing pains, growing up and growing away from your family and friends and yourself

- themes of classism and money, poverty and how that tension can influence relationships ("rags to riches isn't a story anyone wants to hear until it's done")

- themes of privilege, especially white privilege, and how that informs your worldview and perspective

- seeing how to be loved is to be known

- familial relationships, as someone with parental issues i can safely call this the daddy issues (and mommy issues) book. every character has a fascinating (or horrific) dynamic with their parents

- I cannot stress how much the book acknowledges these are teenagers who respond to things like teenagers

- cars cars cars i love cars and this book is a large reason why

- ART! this book (especially the sequel trilogy) really emphasizes the point of art! the beauty of it!)

- the magic system is genuinely really cool! the second series expands on it, but there's witches and magic and ley lines oh my!

- the series feels like summer; August specifically but it feels like a wild and enjoyable little summer tucked away in time

- murder squash song

- latin. I actually taught myself latin bc of these books

- religious motifs and themes but acknowledges how religion matters to one specific character he has a beautiful relationship with his religion and queer characters aren't granted that often

Now, to get snappy.

8. The Community

I have been in fandom for around fifteen years, and I can safely say that TRC fans are some of the loveliest individuals I've ever met. Every interaction i have had has been with an incredibly intelligent, skilled, and intuitive individual. I cannot express enough how lovely the fans are. I know saying "hey fans are the reason to read this" sounds a little goofy, but i can safely say the books are worth it for the community. I enjoy critical analysis and debate and dissecting creative writing and philosphizing and this is one of the few fandom communities who listens and engages and challenges my thoughts. I've grown tremendously engaging in both the text and others interpretations of it. I constantly find myself thinking and evolving and processing new information.

So, yes. The Raven Cycle. It's incredible. I cannot express that enough. I know this was a lot, but rest assured it's simply because I have such a love and special place in me for this series. It's been a part of my worst moments in love. I reread it this year during a particularly difficult time with my health (mental and physical) and it was a large part of why I made it through some truly dark moments in life. Not to sound melodramatic. It got me writing again, actually. And painting. And creating. Living my life again, to be frank. I acknowledge it's because the series has its claws in me and I have a great nostalgia for it but I don't find that bad. I think it's a miraculous and criminally underrated series of books. It is not perfect, by any means, but there is so much love and heart and home and safety in its pages. I cannot recommend it enough. Please, please consider reading it.

Also, now is a perfect time to get into it! The graphic novel comes out in July, and there's been a huge resurgence in attention to the series! People have been live blogging reading the series for the first time and it's so enthralling to reread vicariously through them. It's a perfect time to buckle down and work through the books. I am propaganda-ing you. You are being propaganda'd.

For your consideration:

also here's a meme I made in tenth grade, for nostalgia sake:

[kriffin-ink]

as per @disco-troy 's request, here's my idea for my Spyral arc rewrite

Most of it is kept the same because I did really like Grayson (did not expect it to be as good as it was) however I did make some important changes

All of the batfam (including Bruce) think Dick is dead

Lex kept the fact that he revived Dick hidden from Bruce and when Dick wakes up after being revived, Luthor blackmails him with his secret identity to infiltrate Spyral for him, with the added bonus that Dick can keep his family safe from the people trying to learn their identities

The person that Dick is communicating with secretly during the run would be Luthor, which adds an extra layer of not only does he have to work against Spyral, but he also has to find a way to outsmart his only outside help so that whatever Luthor is planning does not come to fruition

As another added fact, Dick's heart failing gave him memory issues (though, memory issues are also a side effect of the hypnos, which I'll talk about later) so he's also struggling to remember specific stuff about his family, even though he's doing all this in order to try and keep them safe

A couple story beats I had in mind for this were: he forgets what Tim looks like, he forgets Damian's last words to him cuz I want him to suffer

Ideally, if I were ever to write something about this, it would take place after Dick comes home, everything else is mostly the same, but he keeps details vague whenever his family asks for specifics. That is until my story takes place...

So it's been a couple months since he's been home from Spyral, things are mostly back to normal (or at least Dick is trying to pretend they are). But then, Dick starts losing time when he goes out for patrol/hanging out with his family. However, no one else seems to pick up on anything weird, so he just brushes it off as regular memory issues

Unbeknownst to him, his hypnos has been reactivated and whoever reactivated it is able to take control of his body at times when Dick forgets

Barbara picks up on something going on real fast because she is running security checks, so from her perspective Dick has some enemy technology in his head and he is compromised (which isn't wrong), when she tells other members of the family, they try to pretend everything is normal but do kinda start to distance themselves from Dick bc he is compromised

Dick however, interprets this as they found out what I did at Spyral and now they hate me for what I had to do and gets really worried about it, so he decides to go off on a solo mission to try and get some closure on Spyral

During this, he reconnects with Tiger and discovers that someone has reactivated his hypnos and the two try to track them down. All the while, the rest of the batfam is trying to catch up to him because they don't know what's going on

Dun dun dunnnnnn

But yeah, there's my pitch for a Spyral rewrite/story. Will I ever write this? Probably not, but I really want to

[hyunniesgirl]

Call it what you want

Pairing: Hyunjin x fem!reader

Summary: You and Hyunjin were never on the best terms but when you're cheated on and your ex is trying to get you back, Hyunjin does everything he can to prevent it from happening.

Genre: enemies(ish) to lovers, smut, fluff

Word count: 6,990

Warnings for this chapter: lots of fluffy, Hyunjin and reader being idiots in love, piv, fingering, handjob, oral(M receiving), praise and unprotected sex(this is a work of fiction, use protection in real life)(if there's anything missing let me know)

A/N: Call it what you want comes to an end. It's my first finished fic on tumblr and I really love this story with all my heart. Thanks to all the people who liked, commented and/or shared it I feel really happy that so many people like my work. Please keep supporting my blog because I have a lot of ideas I want to write about.

Chapter 3: the most precious thing

Previous chapter: drunk

This content is +18 minors do not interact!!!

You wake up to something hard pressing against your ass, you're still sleepy so you don't connect this with what happened before you slept. That's before you realize there's an arm around your waist making you wide awake.

You suddenly remember how Hyunjin barged into your room last night, 'this can't be happening', you think turning around slowly and trying not to wake him up, it's going to be embarrassing for the both of you if that happens right now.

He's sleeping peacefully with not a worry in the world, his lips are slightly open and his hair is all messy. You can't help noticing how beautiful he is. Of course you always knew he was handsome but in this moment you see just how pretty he is.

'Now is not the time to admire him, Y/N, you have to get out of this situation without waking him up', thinking to yourself you try to lift his arm that's around you failing miserably as he snuggles even more into your neck and holds your waist tighter.

"Let's stay like this for a little bit more", he says with his eyes still closed.

"Since when have you been awake?", you ask, feeling your cheeks getting warm.

"An hour maybe", he answers, making you frown in confusion.

"What? Then why didn't you get up?"

"I don't want to go back to the way things were", he sighs, now opening his eyes and staring at you with a gaze that you're sure holds much more meaning than you know about. "I'm sorry I barged in yesterday, I know it was not right"

You sigh, it's nerve wrecking to have him in bed with you, holding you like you belong to each other.

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean harm and you were pretty cute drunk", you joke trying to escape from your thoughts.

"I don't even want to remember what I did", he chuckles. "But I feel like I should"

"You told me I'm pretty", you smile turning to stare at the roof, "that I'm smart and that you missed me lots"

He stays silent for a few seconds, making you look at him and seeing his face as red as a tomato. You thought he would regret saying those things to you, that he would make some excuse and say he was just babbling because he was drunk. But his eyes are avoiding yours and he turns his face to hide in the pillow making you believe he actually meant those things.

"Please, don't look at me", he groans.

"You can still take it back", you say. Even though his signs clearly tell you he won't do that, you want to give him a chance to say otherwise so you won't delude yourself.

"Why would I?", he looks at you, raising his head from the pillow and resting it on his hand. "That's all true"

Praying that he can't see your blushing face you turn around lifting his arm from you and getting up from bed.

"Do you want some coffee?", you ask, walking towards your wardrobe. When Hyunjin doesn't answer you look at him, catching him checking you out. He have his teeth biting his lower lip and when you cross your arms raising an eyebrow he smiles sheepishly, lying on his stomach.

"I don't know, I'll just stay here a bit more", he answers or more like grumbles with his head hidden under a pillow.

Entering the bathroom you finally can breathe. 'What the heck is happening?', is the question running through your mind.

You can't believe Hwang Hyunjin is actually in your bed and he's showering you with compliments nonetheless.

You look at yourself in the mirror and understand why he was eyeing you. You were planning on sleeping alone and you were kinda upset that he was avoiding you, and for some reason because he likes another girl.

So you decided to treat yourself nicely, made some skin care routine, put on some nice body lotion and dressed in your silk pajamas consisting of really short shorts that barely cover your ass and a tank top with lace in the cleavage. You actually would be offended if he DIDN'T look at you while wearing that, afterall, you wanted to look hot for yourself since he likes someone else.

And that brings more questions, why did he come after you while drunk? Sudden realization hits you. Minho was definitely eyeing you when he was talking about the girl Hyunjin likes, you just didn't want to believe it.

Does he really like you? Like, in a romantic way? A big smile grows on your face just thinking about that and you slap both sides of your face trying to come back to reality, 'please don't be delusional', you think.

Of course, there's a possibility it's true. But do you want that? It hasn't been long since you broke up with Eric and you didn't even have the courage to really talk to him, too afraid of the hurt you're going to feel. Is it right to want Hyunjin to like you? Did you ever get over your crush for him? Or did you just start annoying him so he would pay at least a little bit of attention to you? There's so many questions you still have to figure it out.

You change into a jumper and a tank top and do your matinal routine before going back to your room, seeing your bed empty. You sigh, disappointed, did he really sneak out while you were not there?

"At least he made the bed", you whisper, putting the clothes you took off on your wardrobe.

You open the windows of your room before going downstairs, maybe with some wind circulating his scent is going to go away and you can forget about last night.

You hear the pan frying when you are getting down the stairs, weird, your parents are not supposed to be home until the end of the month.

"Ouch", you hear Hyunjin's whine, stopping on your tracks.

'Didn't he leave?'

You start walking towards the kitchen and find him washing his hand on the sink.

"What are you doing?", you ask, looking at him, a look of pain in his face.

"I'm making breakfast", he smiles.

You look around, there's flour everywhere, egg shells cracked in the sink and some smoke coming out of a pan on the stove.

He sucks the air through his teeth before running to turn off the stove.

"I mean… trying", he looks at you with a guilty face and you can't help finding it cute. This guy almost started a fire in your house and you find it "cute"? There must be something wrong with your brain.

"Let me see it", you ask.

"I'm sorry", he sighs, "I wanted to treat you for taking care of me last night"

You take his hand into yours, looking at the burn closely and thankfully it doesn't look that bad.

"You don't have to apologize", you fidget trying to put your pride aside and do the right thing, "I should be the one saying sorry"

He frowns, tilting his head.

"About what?"

"About that day", you clear your throat, trying to gather enough courage and look him in the eyes. "I shouldn't have been so mean to you, you were not the one who hurt me and I shouldn't have just snapped at you like that, I'm really sorry"

He presses his lips in a thin line, staring at you.

"And I really don't think you're anything like Eric, he's just trash and I know you're a good person", you say all at once.

Unexpectedly, Hyunjin slides the hand you're not holding to your waist, getting up from the chair he's seated, towering over you. He puts his hand on your chin, lifting your face and making you look at him.

"Can-can I kiss you?", he asks and your heart starts beating so fast and loudly you can hear it in your ears. You nod and he smiles, bending down and pressing his lips against yours.

It's nice and peaceful to kiss him, his lips are still warm and soft but there's something different from the night at the party. He's calm and his tongue slides lazily into your mouth, pressing against yours and making you sigh, you didn't know how much you missed this until that moment.

You wrap your arms around his neck, tip toeing to deepen the kiss. Hyunjin groans, wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing your bodies even more against each other, if that's possible.

You both only step away from each other when the necessity to breathe is impossible to avoid but he keeps his hands on you, pressing kisses against your hair at the top of your head.

You don't know what to feel exactly, you are sure you like him, but you have to figure it out the whole thing with your ex before having something serious with him.

When Hyunjin try kissing you again you put your hand on his chest, stopping him. You can see the panic in his eyes for a brief moment, how come did you never notice the way he acts towards you?

"Did I do something wrong? Was it bad?", he mumbles, cupping your face with pleading eyes, "I can do better"

You give him a peck on the lips.

"It was perfect", you assure him, "I just… I have to take care of the situation with Eric, we still didn't have a proper conversation", you explain.

"Don't say his name", he whispers, resting his forehead on yours, "not after kissing me", he pouts and you smile.

"I'm going to figure things out as soon as possible", you say and he sighs.

"You know, I've been waiting for you for a long time", hearing that, you're so afraid he'll say he won't wait anymore but he slides his hands through your arms until he reaches your hands, intertwining your fingers. "So I can wait a bit more to make things official"

You are so happy you can't stop smiling, like a fool.

"But… do we have to wait to be together?", he asks and you tilt your head to the side, frowning. "I don't want to pressure you, really. I can wait for as long as you need, but I… now that I know I have a chance I just don't want anyone trying and stealing you from me"

You take a deep breath, never in a million years you thought you'd be hearing something like this from Hyunjin.

"I mean, we can hold hands or something", you blush and he giggles cupping your face with both hands again.

"Hm, I don't know if just holding hands can do it for me", he presses his lips against yours again in a quick peck. "I'll need some kisses and maybe cuddles?"

You laugh, slapping his chest.

"I'll think about it", you stare at each other for a moment, like two idiots and then you step away. "Now, let's clean this place and I'll make something good for us to eat"

You two start cleaning the kitchen. You are washing the dishes and Hyunjin is cleaning the flour that's everywhere. He steals some kisses here and gives you some hugs there until you're finished with cleaning.

You make pancakes and you eat together chatting about your classes and how Hyunjin is excited to show up with you at school and make everyone jealous because he has the prettiest girl by his side.

After eating he has to go home, after all he just went out in the middle of the night without letting anyone know. So you kiss him goodbye and wave until he disappears from your sight at the end of the street.

You can't believe this actually happened. If anyone told you three months ago that you would be doing all these things with Hyunjin you'd say they're absolutely crazy.

•••

You decided to talk to Eric the next day. You can't keep avoiding him forever and after people start noticing you and Hyunjin, you're sure he's going to hear about it and come after you. So it's best to go to him first, tell him what you have to say, hear what he has to say and then end things definitely.

Hyunjin is waiting for you outside of your house, he has two cups of coffee in his hands and a wide smile on his face.

"Morning, beautiful", he says, giving a kiss on your cheek and handing you one of the cups.

"Good morning", you smile as he opens the door of his car so you can enter, "I wasn't expecting you"

"I wanted to surprise you", he says after going around the car and entering the driver's side.

You smile, fastening your seatbelt and sipping your coffee.

"How do you know how I like my coffee?", you ask, suspiciously, feeling the familiar flavor in your mouth.

"I may or may not have peaked at your order when we went to the cafe with the guys", he admits shamelessly and you glare at him even though he can't see you since he's looking forward and paying attention to the road.

"I'm getting goosebumps", you joke, "are you a stalker or something?"

He laughs.

"I mean, I almost had to become one so I could be next to you", he sighs, "you're a really difficult person to get hold of"

"Well, if you so much desire I'll let you be close to me", you say, stretching yourself and kissing him on the cheek.

The college campus is unusually crowded, just your lucky that this is the day Hyunjin and you show up together. He gets out of the car and runs around opening the door for you.

You can feel everyone staring and of course they would. This is Hwang Hyunjin, the most popular person on campus. The college's promise to be a great and famous artist that'll bring fame and renown to the university. To make things perfect, he's the hottest guy on campus, so if they don't know the artist Hyunjin, they know everyone's crush Hyunjin.

You know a lot of people and have a lot of friends too, but everyone is probably shocked that you're showing up together.

"Everyone's staring", you whisper to him and Hyunjin smiles.

"As they should, the hottest girl on campus is not available anymore", he smirks at you, "they must be jealous"

You chuckle, you shouldn't entertain this behavior of his but you find it amusing.

"Can I hold you?", he asks and you sigh, of course you won't be able to keep a low profile if you're together so you nod, giving him your permission.

Hyunjin slides his arms around your shoulder, bringing you closer and looking at everyone with that cocky smile you hated so much and that now you don't hate it as much, seeing him use it to be proud of having you by his side.

•••

"Have I heard it wrong or did you and Hyunjin were all over each other this morning?", Yeji asks you. She and Chaeryeong trapped you on the toilet, both eager to know if this piece of gossip is actually true.

"I wouldn't say we were all over each other, but yes we came in together and yes before you ask we have something going on", you answer even before Chaeryeong can open her mouth.

Chaeryeong stretches her hand in Yeji's direction, smiling proudly.

"Give me ten bucks, I told you they were going to hookup before the end of the semester"

You gasp, mouth open wide.

"Did you make a bet on us?", you ask and Yeji sighs giving the money to Chaeryeong.

"Yes and if you had kept it your pants until the end of the semester I would have won"

"What if nothing had happened between us?", you ask and the two stare at you for a couple of seconds before bursting into laughter.

"Y/N, you're literally the only person in our group that didn't know Hyunjin is head over heels for you", Chaeryeong says.

"I don't think it was that obvious", you point out a little embarrassed that they knew and you didn't.

"Of course, for people that don't know him or you it might be difficult to see it, but we spend so much time together and he is always looking at you", Yeji says.

"And when you started dating Eric he looked like he would cry when he heard the news", Chaeryeong completes and you frown.

"If you knew, why didn't you tell me?", you ask feeling upset, you feel bad for making him suffer.

"Because it was not our place to do that", Yeji explains, "as much as we are your friends, we are his friends too. It wouldn't be fair for any of us, including the guys, to tell you about his feelings when he didn't"

You sigh, they're right and you know it. But even though you know it, you still feel bad because you were not more attentive.

You go back to class with Chaeryeong after Yeji went to her classroom. It's Economy and Eric is going to be there.

It's time for you to overcome your fear and talk to him. You're sure it's going to hurt, but not as much anymore. You finally feel ready to finish things.

When the class ends you wait for everyone to get out, you tell Chaeryeong to go on first and you know Eric is going to take the opportunity and talk to you.

As soon as the classroom is empty there's just the two of you there. You take a few deep breaths before heading toward him.

"Let's talk", you say and he smirks.

"Now you want to talk to me?", he asks and you control yourself to not roll your eyes.

"This is going to be the last time I'll talk to you, so you better take it seriously", you say and he frowns.

"What do you mean? Didn't you come to ask to get back together?"

You want to laugh, is he delusional?

"For god's sake, Eric, you cheated on me, why the hell would I want to go back to you?", you say suddenly feeling mad.

"Why else would you want to talk?"

You sigh, was he always this idiot?

"I want to finish things properly, you can say anything and I'll hear you", you don't really want to but you feel like you have to so things will end completely.

"I don't know what you want to hear", he scoffs.

"Why did you cheat on me?", you ask.

"I don't know, it just happened", he raise one of his eyebrows, "I told you it meant nothing, I don't know why you have to overreact like this"

It's your time to scoff.

"How do you want me to go back to you when you don't understand what you did wrong?" You say, "I really liked you, I thought we were good together and you went there and broke my trust"

He looks at you, not an ounce of guilt or embarrassment in his face. He grabs one of your hands pulling you closer to him.

"I think we are good together, let's start all over, okay? I promise I'll be good, I'll never disappoint you again"

You sigh once more, it's no use talking to him, he doesn't want to hear you. You pull your hand out of his grasp.

"We are done and I mean it, I don't want you to come looking for me", you pass through him in the direction of the door but you keep looking at him the entire time so he'll know how serious you're about it, "I won't hide anymore because you'll leave me alone and if you don't I'll register a complaint in the dean's office"

You turn around but as soon as you cross the door, you feel his hand on your wrist making you turn around.

"Why are you being such a bitch?", he asks aggressively, "is it because Hyunjin is fucking you now? I always knew there was something about all the shit you pulled on each other"

You gulp, you knew there was a chance he would hear about it but you didn't imagine it would happen so fast.

"He has nothing to do with it, you are the one who ruined what we had", you say trying to release your arm from his grasp.

"Just admit you wanted to break up so you could run to his arms like a fucking whore", he says and you see red but before you can punch him in the face someone else does it for you.

You look at him, Hyunjin is between you now and Eric is bent, holding his jaw.

"This is none of your business", he says and Hyunjin pushes you to stay behind him.

Eric looks at you, standing up and coming closer trying to avoid Hyunjin.

"Come here, Y/N, let's have a conversation like grown ups"

"Shut the fuck up, don't talk to her", Hyunjin says pushing Eric alway from you, you never saw him looking this mad. You step to the side so you can see your ex boyfriend.

"I meant what I said, don't come near me anymore", you say, taking Hyunjin's hand and walking fast to the hall, dragging him away from the classrooms.

He doesn't ask questions or say anything, actually. When you are finally far enough you turn to him, looking at his hand to check if it's okay.

"Does it hurt?" You ask, looking at the reddened skin in the same hand he burned in your house.

"I'm sure he's hurting more than me", he chuckles, staring at you and observing your every move.

"I don't care if he's hurt, I'm asking if you are", you answer looking up to stare at him.

Even though he did that to defend you, you still want to scold him. He could get in serious trouble because of what happened, things could've been much worse and he could've gotten hurt really badly.

"It's okay, it doesn't hurt a lot", he says and you breath relieved, "but you can give it a kiss to help it heal faster", he suggests with that stupid smirk on his face.

You roll your eyes but give a kiss on his knuckles anyway, taking him by surprise and making him blush.

"I- I was just kidding", he whispers.

"You shouldn't have done that", you say, "what if there was some professor around? You would get in trouble"

"You know the professors love me here", he smiles shrugging and you huff.

"Even though they like you, they can't overlook violence"

"I know", his hand comes toward your face and he cups your cheek caressing it. "I just couldn't control myself", he's the one huffing, now. "I just don't want to see you sad, he's the one in the wrong so it's not fair for him to accuse you like that"

You can't help but feel butterflies in your stomach, seeing him worried about you.

"If it makes you feel better I don't feel sad because of him anymore", you say looking down and playing with the hem of your shirt, too embarrassed to keep staring at him.

"Yeah?", he asks, putting one of his hands on your waist and pulling you closer to him. You nod, blushing. He takes the other hand to your chin, lifting your face so you look at him. He's getting closer and closer.

When he's almost touching your lips with his, he stops. You can feel his breathing hitting your skin and the scent he exhales is just so intoxicating you feel dizzy.

"Can I kiss you?", He asks, licking his lips and looking at yours like he could devour you.

"Ye-", before you can finish, his lips come crashing at yours with so much hunger and need it's surprising how it feels like heaven, soft and warm. His tongue dances with yours, figuring a rhythm that makes you sigh in pleasure. Hyunjin feels the happiest in this moment, he finally can have you. You're finally letting him in.

Once you have to break the kiss to breathe you're feeling all your body hot, his lips are swollen and red. He gets close again resting his head on your shoulder, you can feel his heavy breathing on the crock of your neck.

"Did you already finish your classes for the day?", He asks and you nod. "Then, can I take you home?"

You nod again, feeling warm. A feeling you're getting used to every time he's around.

"I'm kinda hungry though", you say hoping he got the hint. You don't want to go home yet you want to spend more time with him.

"I know a really good restaurant, want to eat something, then?", you smile happily, taking his hand and following him to the parking lot.

Hyunjin takes you to a really nice restaurant by the beach. It's a 40 minute drive and you both eat pasta with a really good dessert.

He smiles the whole time and you feel glad that you can make him happy after hurting him with your obliviousness.

"Should we walk for a bit?", He asks when you're done and you nod.

You two take your shoes so it won't get full of sand and Hyunjin takes your hand, pulling you closer to his side. Surprisingly, there's no one else at the beach, even though it's a weekday you expected to see at least some children playing.

"Do you like the beach?", Hyunjin asks and you ponder.

"I do", you say, snuggling into his side and hugging his waist while you walk.

He sighs happily and you look at him, he's smiling widely. It's so strange to you that someone enjoys so much the little things you do.

"What about you?"

"I like it if you're there", he says slyly and you laugh out loud.

"Woah, you're really smooth"

He stops on his tracks making you stop too and look at him.

"I'm going to come on strong now", he warns you and you frown, smiling. It's cute he thinks he wasn't coming on strong when he came after you while drunk. "I'm serious!", He pouts.

"So tell me, what are you going to do to win my heart?"

He turns to you completely, clearing his throat and grabbing both your hands to intertwine your fingers.

"I'll start by telling you that If you give me a chance to be with you I will never let you go even if you want me to", he says looking deep into your eyes, "I will never hurt you, I will treat you like the most precious thing in the world because that's what you are to me"

The familiar warmth comes creeping to your cheeks, you didn't expect him to confess and to be so open about his feelings.

"I'll make sure you're happy everyday, if you're ever sad or mad I'll cheer you up, I'll take care of you when you need me too and even when you don't"

In this exact moment you realize you love him, how could you not? You're not sure if you ever stopped liking him or if your feelings were just buried in some dark corner of your heart too afraid to be rejected to even try.

You wrap your arms around his waist, hugging him and resting your face on his chest. You're not sure if you want him to see the tears brimming through your eyes.

"You don't have to do all that", you say, feeling his arms around you. "You can just stay by my side, I won't ask for anything more"

He kisses the top of your head, taking a step back. He cups your face, lifting your head so you look at him and giving a long peck on your lips.

"Y/N, do you want to be my girlfriend?", he asks and you feel your heart skip a beat.

"I do, I really do"

He smiles, wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you in a hug, making you squeal.

Even though you told Hyunjin he doesn't have to do all those things, he wants to. He'll prove to you that you're meant to be.

•••

When the car stops in front of your house you still don't want to part ways with him.

"Do you want to come in?", you suggest, hoping he'll do it.

He smiles kindly.

"I do want to, but I have something important to do tonight"

"Oh, okay", you're a little disappointed. You thought he wouldn't want to be apart from you so soon after his confession but it must be something really important.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school, come looking for me in the arts department", he says, giving you a kiss on the cheek, you blush with the affection he shows you and nod, smiling and getting out of the car.

He stays in front of your house until he's sure you're locked in and safe in your house.

It's already late so you get ready for bed, looking at your phone and reading the messages you have. You tuck yourself in bed and close your eyes, smiling like a fool thinking about Hyunjin.

The morning comes too soon, you were dreaming about your handsome boyfriend and the dirtiest things you want to do to him the first chance you get.

You get ready for school, are you glowing? You feel different looking in the mirror, maybe happiness does good to your skin.

Chan comes to pick you up, you're sure he wants to talk to you about Hyunjin, his child. Even though you are the same age as them, Chan and Yeji treat all your friends like their children, they really have this kind of parents vibe.

"So, I heard about you and Hyunjinnie", you smile knowing you were right. "Is it serious? Do you like him?", he asks.

"Yeah, it's serious", you clear your throat, shifting in your seat. "We are dating"

"Really?", Chan takes the deepest breath, like he was holding his breath since the moment you joined him in the car, "thank god, it would be awful if you didn't have good intentions"

"What?", you laugh, "shouldn't you be worried about me too?"

"The amount of times I had to hear Hyunjin whining while drunk saying how much he likes you leads me to believe you're secured"

You blush, now you know he liked you for a long time but it's strange to think how obvious he was and you never noticed.

"I didn't know he liked me", you say and Chan looks at you, he's parking in school already.

"Would it make a difference if you knew he did?"

"Yeah… I actually liked him too back then, when we first met"

Chan's eyes widen.

"You did? I thought you liked Eric even before dating him"

You sigh.

"It turns out it was all a big misunderstanding on my part", you smile sheepishly, "I thought Hyunjin didn't like me so I opted for the safest option, I didn't mean to make him hurt"

Chan's the one sighing now.

"I know you didn't, but you have to tell him you liked him since day one", he smiles, grabbing your hand and squeezing it. "He'll be happy to know he's not the only idiot who was to afraid to confess and missed the timing"

You punch him in the arm, laughing and getting out of the car. You let Chan know you're going to look for Hyunjin in his department before walking towards the arts building.

You have the weird impression that people are staring at you again, it happened yesterday because you were with Hyunjin but you're by yourself right now.

Even though that makes you anxious, you decide to ignore it. Worrying about it won't make them stop.

When you get to the arts department you finally can guess why people are staring at you. There's a huge painting of you in the middle of the hall covering the whole wall. You feel your face hot immediately, knowing exactly that that was the important thing Hyunjin had to do when you see him still in the same clothes as yesterday.

He smiles at you and you don't know if you want to punch or kiss him.

"What's this?", you ask and he hugs you, kissing the top of your head.

"It's you, my inspiration", he answers, smiling proudly. You keep looking at him, frowning.

"I was struggling to come up with this idea, the theme is 'the happiest moment' so I painted you because I'm the happiest in every moment I share with you"

You feel like crying actually, this is the most beautiful display of love you ever received. You can't contain the happiness in your chest, you want to scream, jump, cry, laugh, everything at once. But trying to keep your dignity unharmed you wrap your hands around his neck, giving him a peck on the lips.

"I really love it", you say. "But next time give me a heads up, everyone was staring at me when I arrived"

He laughs.

"Good, they have to know your face to know you're already taken"

You roll your eyes, he's really a fool blinded by love.

"Do you want to come to my house after class? We have things to talk about"

"Sure, I'll come pick you up at your class when I'm done", he says and nods, giving a quick kiss on his neck and stepping away before you're too late for class.

•••

You wake up to Hyunjin legs intertwined with yours, his arm is wrapped on your waist holding you firmly.

After you came home, you told him about everything. That you liked him since the first time you laid eyes on him but you gave up, too afraid of rejection.

He told you it was his fault, he should have told you how he felt so you wouldn't feel that way and you both laughed because you could be together this whole time if you two weren't so stubborn.

You kissed a lot the night before, so much it turned all of your horny senses on. But the bags under Hyunjin's eyes told you he needed sleep, he stayed up all night painting you, after all.

So you were the stronger one and stopped things from going further, telling him to have some sleep.

But now you wake up feeling the familiar hardness against your ass and all your body feels hot.

"Mmn", you hear him groan slightly, pressing himself even more on you, hand caressing your stomach and you moan.

"Are you awake?", he whispers, his waking voice much more sexy than you remember.

"Yes", you say grinding against his cock.

"Fuck", he groans, biting your shoulder. "Can I touch you?", he asks and you hum, consenting.

"Do you want me too? Tell me with your words", he says, playing with the hem of your shorts.

"Please", you plead and he chuckles, sliding his hand underneath your shorts.

"I can get used to you begging", he says, pressing your clit over the fabric of your underwear and feeling it soaked. He sucks the air between his teeth, kissing your shoulder. "You're so good for me, already so wet"

You blush, you never thought you'd be into this kind of thing. But hearing him tell you how good you are just made the knot on your lower stomach grow bigger.

"Please, baby", you plead again, you want him to touch you so badly.

"If you call me that I won't be able to control myself", he says, sliding your panties to the side and entering a finger inside you. You arch your back with the sudden intrusion, grinding even harder on his crotch.

He is smirking, you don't have to look at him to know that. He puts another finger inside you and you moan loudly now.

"Can't wait to have my cock inside you, it's going to feel so good", he starts making circles in your clit with his thumb. You can feel the tension in your lower stomach growing, you're almost there.

"I'm going to c-cum", you whisper or try, your voice is not coming out in an understandable way.

His movement gets faster and you gasp.

"That's right baby, cum for me. I want to hear you say my name, do it"

"Oh, Hyunjin-ahh", you barely can say it with the way your body is trembling and your voice is failing.

He gives a kiss on your cheek, mesmerized by you. You look so pretty coming undone just for him. You're breathing heavily, trying to recover some strength to turn around and look at him.

Your face is flushed, he kisses you and you moan feeling his hands wander through your body.

You feel his hard on pressed against your stomach and you slide your hand there, gripping it over his boxer and hearing him groan.

"You want me to touch you?", you ask the same question he did to you minutes before and he nods with his eyes closed.

"Tell me with your words, pretty"

He chuckles, opening his eyes and staring at you.

"Touch me", he commands and you feel your pussy clenching around nothing. How can he be this sexy?

You slide your hand under the fabric of his underwear, feeling his cock. The head is flowing with precum and it looks painfully hard.

You wrap your hand around it, sliding up and down, never taking your eyes out of him. His lips are slightly apart and you know he wants to close his eyes, but won't break eye contact.

You stop stroking him just for a second, going down and positioning yourself in the middle of his legs. Licking the head of his cock and sliding it all in your mouth.

"Shit", he gasps.

You look so damn hot staring at him while going down on his cock like that, he's having a hard time breathing. Your mouth feels so good on him, so warm and your soft lips look so perfect around him.

You can't fit all of him in your mouth, so you take every bit you can and stroke the rest of it with your hands, playing with his balls.

"I'm coming", he whispers, warning you, finally closing his eyes and spurting into your mouth.

Hyunjin takes a few seconds to look at you, recovering from his high. You take the opportunity to get rid of your clothes, throwing his boxer away too.

Once he's done he pulls you on top of him, kissing you eagerly. He can feel himself in your mouth and he can't think about a moment he was more turned on than right now.

"I love you", he whispers between kisses, he's kissing your jaw, neck and collarbone, going down to your chest and admiring your bare breasts.

You blush, you're not used to someone watching you so attentively and with so much affection.

"I love you", you say shyly and he smiles, kissing you on the lips now.

You grab his cock that's already hard again and place it in your entrance. Hyunjin takes a deep breath putting his hands on your hips and waiting till you slide into his cock.

"Oh", you whimper, taking all of him at once. He feels bigger inside of you, touching all the places you could possibly think of.

"Fuck", he groans, feeling your hips moving. You start riding on him, hands resting on his chest and head thrown back.

You feel so good, you can't think straight, you just want to feel more of him. Hyunjin's situation is not much different from yours, your tight cunt squeezes his cock like it was meant for him, he's not sure if he would be able to pull out if he wanted to by the way you're tightening around him.

The lewd sounds and expressions you make do nothing to help him, your little moans while you ride in so harshly are making him lose his mind. He tightens the grip on your hips, sinking deeper inside you.

"Please Hyunjin, please, I'm almost there", you beg and he almost cum again just by hearing you.

"Come for me, my muse, I want to see how pretty you look coming on my cock"

He feels your warm walls tighten even more around him, your nails dig into the skin of his chest and the sounds you make, moaning so loudly people outside could certainly hear you make him get even closer to cumming.

"Do it inside me", you say, taking him by surprise, "I want to feel all of you, all hot inside of me", and he does just that, feeling your cunt squeeze all his cum out of him.

You're both exhausted, you collapse on top of him and he kisses you lazily, caressing your face. He lies you on the bed by his side, carefully watching you.

"I really love you", you say smiling and closing your eyes.

"I love you too", he kisses the tip of your nose, pulling you closer so you can go back to sleep together.

-------------

If you like my work and want to support it, please, like, comment and/or reblog my content. Or you can buy me a coffee.

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All characters in my writing are from my own imagination and don't represent nor reflect in any way the people in real life.

Taglist:

@hhwangsmoon @inara-a @cutesince2000 @lockeansonder @lauraliisa

[bloggingboutburgers]

I had a wake up call about fandom by scrolling today. It's linked to both the fact that I write and my asexuality.

The post was about how people don't consider writers as artists. It remembered me a post talking about how artists are better than writers who just write fetish porn.

And it remembered me. Isn't it all that people care about when it come to fanfic anyway? Writing their otp kissing and then sleeping together?

I wrote literally only gen fic for all my teens years. You imagine that I am used to be ignored. Today, I hate posting my fics, even if I write more who are romantic.

The reviews change nothing. To me, people will never consider the effort I put in my writing because nobody kiss and have sex.

I see this outside of fandom too. Two of my favorite story get its theme ignored because it wasn't a romance despite the male and female lead being close. They just ignore everything that happen just because they deluded themselves that there were romance between them

Because what else could it be? Why else would they read or write fic?

I'm tired that they lead how society view relationship. I hate their obsession for romance and sex that I talk about on the microcosm but apply in an even worst way in real life where my parents think that my best friend talking to me less should be normal because she have a boyfriend (she's busy because of her job but they don't believe me)

It's worst in media for women even if I'll talk only about shojo here, were even if the heroine claim to not want love some stereotypical asshole with a heart of gold will steal hers later.

I hate being a writer in that environment. I hate knowing that I'll change nothing. Even if some people like my ideas I know that on a large scale it's nothing.

...OK, I know we talked about that in private since this message already, that I'm replying to this super-late and I hope I'm not reopening any old wounds, I'm so sorry if I am...

...But tbh I'm still gonna share this as it is and not comment further because... Agreed tbh. I don't write (aside from comics), I don't engage in fandom actively anymore because of such reasons, so I have no idea how to make this better, but... At least visibility of such messages has to account for something I hope, and I don't know if sharing it here will accomplish a lot, but it's the least I can do anyway.

And I'm so sorry I'm doing it so late T^T

[goldsnek]

So, I saw the question about tips for aspiring comic artists and it actually reminded me that I am curious about the topic as well😅

I like to write stories and I like to draw so it seemed logically for me to try my hand at comics as well but I'm struggling extremely with the layout.

It's seems very daunting when you sit in front of the empty page and you have to consider how to arrange the panels.

I'm the kind of artist that sometimes does big changes to almost finished works, so the idea of having to make a final decision before I even start with the actual drawing process, is kind of terrifying for me.

Long story short, how do you put your drawings into panels?

Do you really have to make a final panel layout at the beginning, the way I've been attempting to, or are there other possibilities I simply haven't thought of?

Last but not least, I want you to know that I absolutely love your comic, both because of your spectacular art and the amazing story! ❤️

Hello! Okay this is going to be long but I'll try my best to explain and be concise (and truly sorry for the english!) So, the first rule you need to have in mind is that you don't imagine the scene PER PAGE but PER SEQUENCE. What I mean is, you don't have to imagine a comic (like ''what I'm putting in this page'') but you have to imagine it as a video in your head, like you're directing a movie ( movies and comics are a lot more similar than we think as a media) For example, try to imagine someone waking up and going to open their window, that's a full sequence. it can be done in various ways, depending on what your character is doing and what's the ''mood'' of the scene. Remember always that your character emotions sets the mood for the entire scene. A thing that helps me a lot is ( like I said XD) watching movies, I focus on the mini sequences, a kiss scene, a fight, I pause the movie and rewatch that scenes various times, trying to understand the mood of the scene and how is shot. A sequence can even take 3 or 4 pages or even 10, it depends from whats happening, even more if it's a fight! But like I said the number of pages comes later. another importart thing to remember is that your characters needs ''a place to live'' If you make a story and never show a single panel with a background, the story is gonna lack something 100%; and I know... backgrounds are hard (I hate them) but you need at least 1 panel where you show the places your characters are living in. That is called establishing shot and it needs to be used when your character are moving to other locations. (or if you're talking about other characters in your comic and they are somewhere else) I'll show u some establishing shots now:

Took 3 different comics (narratively and stylistic speaking) Bone, Batman and TinTin to show you that even if the setting of the panels is extremely different, they still all have an establishing shot. Now, of course you don't have to put this in EVERY page, but like I said at least at the start of your comic, or when the characters are moving somewhere else, it's very important to show that. Also remember that the biggest panel you need to have in your sequence is the one where the most important action is happening. For example, if two people are fighting and someone gets slapped, that's the most impactful scene, so that's the scene that will need the biggest panel on your sequence, because it's the most important. Another rule is to make the camera breathe. Let me explain this properly, you, as a comic artist, are like a movie director with a camera. You need to turn the camera in various ways, up and down left and right, but always remember this : Never make a page of faces only. example, here are character A and B having a conversation, a page like this is extremely wrong, because the camera is basically attached to the character face and the viewer/reader is going to feel like they're suffocating in the room with the story characters :

You as an artist have the power to zoom the camera in and out, showing extremely tiny details or making a big panel that shows how Idk... beautiful or eerie or mysterious the background is. The biggest advice I can give you is to read a lot of comics, try to find series you love and study them, see how they make the panels, how the sequence are shown etc. The last rule (there are a lot more so if you have more specific questions just ask) I can give you and this is about your question in specific is that: Yes. Unfortunately you have to make the structure first and that has to be your final decision, if you make a 10 pages comic for example and you decide you don't like some stuff anymore and decide to change all the pages, you're just gonna end up in a endless cycle of always fixing and fixing and never be satisfied. Remeber this: The sketches and layout of the pages are the MOST important thing in a comic. The coloring, lineart, etc... it's just decoration. So hang on and start making layouts, and focus only on those for a period of time and then when you're 100% satisfied with the structure, you go and start adding the ''decorations'' Hope this helps! I'm not very good at explaining , especially in another language, but I tried my best XD

[fushiglow]

Hi glo! I saw your reblog(s) about the fics that you can’t wait to write and was wondering if you could tell us a little bit more about what you have in store? I am very excited about the prospect of getting more Over the Threshold, but I’m also interested to know what else you’ve got planned 🩷

Oh dear, anon, I was waiting until I finished ski fic to answer this because you're opening a real can of worms here! I'll link any snippets of WIPs I've posted where available. Remember, you asked, because I am about to go 👏 off 👏

So, for Over the Threshold, obviously I've got chapter 14 coming up! I'd really like to finish the fic this year, but it gains more and more weight as I develop it and progress becomes slower every time I update. Let's see how it goes!

Alongside the main fic, I've got a smutty but sad oneshot with the affectionate working title of "Sad Wank Suguru" coming up before the next chapter, and quite a few little updates to From the Cutting Room Floor, too! There are also one or two more accompanying oneshots to come later in the story. (Plus a 73 Questions "video" for Satoru, and threshold!SatoSugu reading mailman AU that I've been working on for a while, but I don't know if they'll make the cut.)

Aside from that, the next big thing on the list is the second instalment in Star Wars AU (a series-to-be that now has many more parts than I originally planned), which I really want to post on Star Wars Day but... That's a month away at this point. Wish me luck with finishing it in time. I'm so excited by this story!

I'm also writing a second K-pop AU (where they're both idols!) that I am really really excited about. It's shorter than Over the Threshold, but presents a real challenge in terms of narrative style that means I need to write it all before posting the first chapter — which is not how I usually do things! I've been working on this for coming up a year now, but this fic is still a while off. It's probably not a good idea to really sink my teeth into it until I finish the first K-pop AU lmao...

I'm also working on a few non-SatoSugu pieces at the moment — a fun GojoHime K-pop oneshot (you don't want to know how many K-pop AUs I've got), a very soft and sexy SaShiSu oneshot, and an angsty SatoShoko-ish oneshot — and they all make for a really nice change of piece when writing the same characters/dynamic gets a little stale. Other than those, there's more SatoSugu in the form of:

Love Spiral part two ft. angst

Another music AU, this time of the classical variety!

A little Gojo glow up fic

A daddy Satoru counterpart to mommy Suguru

Oxbridge AU! Oxbridge AU!

A canon compliant long-ish fic exploring "reluctant sub Suguru"

Swimming AU!

An alpha/alpha fic with a rugby setting and some heavy worldbuilding

And also some gen fics I've got planned:

A spooky oneshot about baby Suguru developing his technique

A moody fix-it exploring "rōnin" Suguru and Yuta's tense relationship in the wake of JJK 0

Some more instalments to the In His Shadow series

And a whole bunch of other stuff that I haven't developed enough to justify calling them proper WIPs, plus some fics that I don't feel comfortable talking about just yet. I hate that, even with that said, this post is so lengthy! Someone save me from my own ideas!

But seriously, I'm actually a bit overwhelmed by my WIPs recently so, if there's anything here that you're particularly interested in seeing (aside from Over the Threshold, obviously), please do let me know in a comment! That goes for anyone reading this!

Thanks for the question, anon, and I do hope it hasn't made you want to run a mile ♥

[lithiag]

Meeting the family (Derek Morgan x gn!reader)

I had this idea the other day, and I wanted to write it out because i thought it was funny and kind of cute.

Just a short, little fluff story

Premise: Derek meets your family in a not too conventional way.

Cw: derek is kind of horny, so mentions of sex i guess.

Hope you enjoy.

Derek woke up and smiled slightly when he saw you were still in his arms, and your head was resting on his chest. You were still sleeping, sometimes making soft noises, which brought a bigger smile to his face. You just got together about a week ago, and ever since you told him about your feelings for him, he couldn't keep his hands off of you. He constantly wanted to hold your hand, wrap his arms around you, kiss you, and he loved taking you to the bedroom to show you just how much he loved you. Even though it had only been a week, it felt like you had been together for years. He always knew just what to say to cheer you up, and he very quickly learned what you enjoyed physically.

Looking down at your sleeping frame, he brought a hand up and softly stroke you hair, before he placed a soft kiss on top of your head. You slightly moved, and your eyes fluttered open,

"Morning." You said sleepily.

"Good morning, gorgeous," Derek smiled at you, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"S'fine, wha time is't?" You asked, and you slightly raised your head from his chest and attempted to look around the room to find a clock, but your sleepy vision didn't help you find one. Derek grabbed his phone from the nightstand on his side of the bed,

"It's almost 10." He said, and you lay your head back down on his chest with a soft groan,

"I don't wanna get up yet." You whined and snuggled closer against your boyfriend, enjoying the warmth that radiated of his body. Derek chuckled and pulled you close,

"Do you want to sleep more?"

You nodded,

"Is there any way I can change your mind?" Derek asked, and his lips started to curl into a slight smirk.

"No."

"Are you sure?" Derek slightly lifted your chin so you would look at him, and he leaned down to kiss you. You smiled against his lips and kissed him back. He wrapped his arms around you a bit tighter and pulled you on top of him.

"Hhhm, you are making quite a convincing argument," you murmered and kissed him again. Derek grinned and moved a hand down your back to move to your butt and get a bit of action started, but got interrupted when you pulled back from the kiss when you heard the doorbell. You looked a little confused.

"Did you expect anyone this morning?" Derek asked,

"Not really." You said and got up from the bed to grab your bathrobe, then you remembered something, "Oh, it's probably the mailman with my package!" You exclaim in excitement and quickly put on your robe to cover your naked frame. Derek slightly propped himself up to look at you,

"Can't they deliver it to your neighbours?" He asked, a little sad he was getting cockblocked by the mailman and his previously great view was now ruined by your robe.

"No, I have to sign for it. I'll be right back." You said, and walked out the room to the front door.

Derek lay back with a sigh. The mood was gone now. He could probably restore it if he wanted to when you got back, but the moment had passed. He wondered what kind of package could be delivered that was more exciting to you than his package. He tried not to take offence, but it still stung a little. Maybe the feeling would fade once he knew what kind of package you were receiving. It must be important or very expensive if you had to sign for it. He decided to just wait till you got back to ask you, and maybe you could still have some fun this morning.

After a few minutes, he started to wonder what was taking you so long, surely accepting a package shouldn't take you this long. The overprotective FBI boyfriend inside him started to take over, and he got worried. What if something happened? What if some criminal was targeting him and decided to come for you to hurt him? He sat up in bed to get out and come for you, but then you came into the room, a look of panic on your face.

"Baby, what's going on? What's wrong?" He asked and got up. He walked to you and inspected your face, hoping to find any clue of what was happening in your eyes. The mailman couldn't have gotten you this worried, but if it was some criminal, they would have come with you and pointed a gun at you.

"It's my family." You said softly, and Derek gulped,

"What about them?" He asked, preparing for the worst. Maybe they were hurt, maybe a fire destroyed their house, maybe someone died. He desperately searched your eyes for answers, and he held his breath as he waited for you to answer.

"They're downstairs. They came over for a surprise visit."

Relief took over, and Derek let out the breath he was holding, then he gave you a confused look,

"Why do you look so panicked?" He asked.

"They don't know we're together. They don't know I have a boyfriend. I don't want them to find out like this. My brother will never let me hear the end of it if he finds out like this, and my dad..." you stopped yourself, not wanting to think about how your dad would react if he saw a strange man come out of your bedroom.

Derek nodded. Of course, he wanted to meet your family, but he agreed that this probably wasn't a great way.

"I don't want to hide you, really." You quickly clarified, scared he might think you were embarrassed of him, "I just wanted to keep it to ourselves a little bit longer. I wanted to have you to myself a little bit longer."

"I get it. Really." Derek reassured you, and he smiled at the worried look on your face.

"Maybe you can meet them, though." You said, "ehm, how about...." you thought about what to say, "maybe you can sneak out the front, then come back in a few minutes so it just looks like you happened to come over at the same time they were here?"

"You want me to sneak out like a teenager?" Derek asked and quirked a brow.

"Please, it will be less embarrassing that way."

Derek sighed, "Alright," He said, and you smiled, "But, you better make it up to me tonight."

"Of course, any way you want." You said and gave him a short but passionate kiss to thank him. You quickly grabbed some pants and a shirt, janked them on, and went back downstairs to distract your family.

Derek rubbed his face as he walked around your room. He gathered his clothes and put them on while he tried to think of what to do next. Since he would be coming back, he decided to hide the rest of his things in your closet behind some of your clothes, just in case your family would come in, as he wasn't sure whether or not they had been to your place before. Once he was dressed and had hidden all his things, he listened at the door to check if there was someone in the hallway. When he didn't hear anything, he opened the door as quietly as he could and slipped out of the room before quietly closing the door behind him. A small plan started to form in his head.

Once he has snuck out, he could quickly go to the store around the corner. He could pick up some flowers for you, or some of your favourite snacks. That way he could leave an extra good impression on your family. Maybe he could even get something small for your family as well, but he decided that would be too on the nose and would probably make him look desperate, and it could even come across as a bit stalker-ish, since he couldn't have known your family was over if he wasn't here this morning.

Just something small and sweet for you would be fine, right? Yes. Whether that would be flowers or something else, he could decide on his way to the store. He first needed to get out of your house.

Derek sneaked towards the stairs. He heard some voiced downstairs, which sounded like you and your mother talking. He also heard a male voice, but couldn't hear what any of you were talking about. He slowly and quietly made his way down the stairs, avoiding the spots he knew were squeaky in order to be as quiet as possible. Once he made his way to the bottom of the stairs without making a sound he let out a little sigh of relief, and he started making his way to the front door. Images started to fill his head of how things could go once he got back;

He could come in and give you the llittle gift he got you, which would probably impress your parents. He would give your father a strong handshake, compliment your mother, maybe make a few jokes with your brother. Surely those things would help earn their approval of your relationship.

"Who the hell are you!" Someone boomed behind him, snapping him out of his little daydream. He was so close, he was only a few feet away from the door.

Derek slowly turned around to see your father, his eyes full of fire. Your dad had gone into the hallway to find the toilet, and slightly freaked out when he saw an unfamiliar man come down the stairs. He grabbed the nearest object he could use as a weapon, which was an umbrella, and walked closer to your boyfriend,

"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in this house!" He boomed again, raising the umbrella, ready to strike if he didn't like the answer.

"Dad, no!" You came into the hallway and got between the two men. You had heard your father yell and quickly went to the hallway to keep him from murdering Derek.

"What the hell is going on here, y/n?" He asked you.

"Dad, please put the umbrella down." You said calmly, hoping it would calm him down.

"No! I saw this guy trying to sneak out. He's robbing you. I shouda brought my shotgun"

"No. Dad, he is not an intruder." You tried to explain, but it wasn't enough to convince your dad to put his weapon down. When he tried to brush past you to get to Derek, you knew you had to come clean.

"He's my boyfriend!"

Your dad looked at you in confusion, and his striking arm slightly lowered, but only slightly.

"What?"

You gulped, "This is my boyfriend." You repeated. Your dad looked from you to Derek, back to you, then back to Derek.

"Derek Morgan.... ehm, pleasure to meet you?" Derek said and extended his hand to your father to greet him. You father looked down at his hand, then back up at his face, then he looked at you,

"What's going on, y/n? Why was he trying to sneak out?"

"Because I didn't want you to find out about him like this.... I didn't want you to know he stayed the night because I know you wouldn't react well and i know y/b/n would never let me hear the end of it." You quickly explained, a little scared. Your dad looked between you and Derek a couple of times, trying to figure out what to make of this. He did lower the umbrella this time.

The door to the living room opened and your mother came into the hallway,

"What's going on? Is everything alright?" She asked.

You and Derek exchanged a look, trying to find a good way to explain the situation.

"Apparently, y/n has a boyfriend but failed to tell us before." You dad said, "He came in, and since i didn't recognise him i thought he was an intruder. Just a little misunderstanding." He gave you a little look to just roll with what he said. Derek gulped and tried to calm down slightly.

"Oh, what a coincidence he came over." You mom said and smiled at Derek. He looked at her and slightly smiled as well,

"Derek Morgan. It is lovely to meet you. Y/n told me a lot about you."

"Only good things, I hope." You mother said with a little chuckle and shook Derek's hand.

"Of course." Derek confirmed. Your dad also shook Derek's hand, and approved of how firm his handshake was. You smiled a bit and let out a little sigh of relief at how well things turned out despite the horrible beginning. You gave your father a thankful look for not telling your mother what happened and not giving your brother any ammunition against you. When you saw the mischievous sparkle in his eyes, though, you knew it would only be temporary, and he would never, ever let you hear the end of this. Every birthday, every family gathering, every time there would be someone who hadn't heard the story before, he would tell them exactly how your boyfriend was introduced to him.

[lains-reality]

I sincerely apologise for writing this. i feel really conflicted right now. I have been getting suicidal thoughts lately because of my circumstances. Sometime I feel like I don’t even want to exist. I came to non-duality from loa. I spent 3 years trying to “manifest” a peaceful life. Trying to escape from my circumstances and wake up to a completely different life.

I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them. I felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from. I tell myself that I’ll throw my phone aside and start applying but then I get caught up in my problems again and it’s just a cycle on repeat.

I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality.

This is probably the most stupidest thing I have ever asked but could you simply non-duality in a a few sentences? I feel like I have come to the point where I can’t even trust myself to stop over consuming and wishing for change. Thank you.

you might benefit from this and this.

i really would like you to read this!

the body-mind, the "I" you think you are, i'll call them sam!

give up trying to manifest. give up trying to change the world with sam's thoughts and feelings, its torture.

here's the main point:

simple mindfulness is what gurus have asked of us. not convincing, denial or forcing. its observing. 

observe the habit of 'you'. you take the "I" to be the body-mind, sam. sam is a habit, and is sustained through attachment and aversions. drop them.

all you need to fix is your wrong identification. let go of sam and all their stories.

if you find yourself forcing, suppressing, or trying to get rid of sam (something that you don't do), then remember this: god is already perfect. the answer is to surrender.

there's no image or role to maintain. you can just be.

here's a more in depth reminder.

there's so many words for Self: Absolute Perfection, Bliss, Infinite Being, Supreme Reality. i want you to remember I AM. I AM is complete and whole, alone. its just beingness. just as it is. before the world and sam, you are conscious. before wanting, you are conscious.

nondualism's goal is letting go of all the concepts that stop you from seeing Self.

the body-mind is a thought. its an idea. you are already detached from sam. but you don't see it bcs you are identified with them right now. you are attached to your character, and we want to release all those attachments.

"the identity is a shadow. it is not us. analyze your mind briefly, and you will find that is nothing but a byproduct of societal conditioning, peer opinions, books, movies, whatever content you've most willingly consumed." - luvcompass

the mind is just a bunch of thoughts, feelings and memories. are you a thought? are you a story? are you a memory? are you a feeling?

sam is. but you are not sam.

sam doesn't want sam and all the stories anymore (likely because you think you are stuck as sam). but sam never was. sam is an idea, a story. they are a thought in the mind. because you are identified as sam, you see sam. without your awareness on sam, sam wouldn't be.

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa (sam) is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. [source]

The ego is an activity, its not innate, its FORMED.

"Ego (sam) is not an entity. It is an activity. It is an optional activity of identifying itself with a fragment that Consciousness is free to make or not, from moment to moment." [source]

and by habit of taking the "I" to be sam, it continues.

focus on respond vs react. start catching yourself out when you say 'i am ...', start asking questions to yourself abt who 'i' is. start watching your thoughts. learn how to feel your emotions when they come up, don't run away from them or they will continue to come up until you deal with it. this is a process of allowing.

"I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them."

i want you to accept now. you are sam, so you see sam. stop chasing a future that will never come. there's only ever the present moment.

To be identified to your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. — Eckhart Tolle

what would happen if you stopped using the past as a reference? what would happen if you stopped projecting past stories into the future? what would happen if you stopped thinking of a tomorrow?

"i felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from."

start with "who am i?". anything you can outgrow? not you. anything you can observe ? not you. in the absense of it, you don't disappear? not you. it changes and you don't disappear? not you.

how do you know you are sam except by your belief that you are sam?

"I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality."

read this. also, there are no others. you are seeing yourSelf play out.

let go of the shame, regret and guilt. read the linked post, and watch the source from the first quote, it'll help. i also want you to watch this.

give yourself compassion. give yourself space to grow. sam is a random person just like anybody else, so why chastise them for stuff that just happens?

sam cannot do anything in the first place. (what is sam gonna do to change the infinte? why would the infinite need changing anyway?)

you are putting pressure on sam to change the world, but really Self orchestrates all. sam is just another creation of Self. this entire world is Self's expression. give up intellectualising what sam did, maybe it has nothing to do with you and it just happened?

sam is not a problem or mistake!

sam is already part of infinity and exists whether sam likes it or not. you are unconditionally accepted already as perfection or else you wouldn't be here.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” - nisargadatta maharaj

i'm sorry i wrote too much, but i hope this helps! please be safe!