#and shows you the cracks in Anakin and his faith in the Jedi

[tragedy-for-sale]

The Point of no Return

Because I will never shut up about the Hardeen arc- I really need to emphasize the importance of this moment right here. When we think of the Hardeen arc, we only ever think about the aftermath, after the lie and after the pain. But I have never thought about the before. The moments right before.

Obi-Wan takes a deep breath, he brings his lightsaber to his chest and he gathers himself. He has to take a moment to think about what he's about to do.

This is a complete turn of feelings from when we see him wittingly ask how his funeral was, it's that simple and easy commentary that makes them all think this was easy for him to do. He shoves down what he's feeling right here and instead he jokes and laughs. He's fun and easy, he's funny, he's great, but he's not, he's not, he's in a lot of pain and he hurt everyone close to him in the worst way. Obi-Wan would never hurt them, but he has, and he'll never be forgiven.

He made this choice for the greater good, but the greater good is seldom so. It's in this moment we understand his full awareness of the deception he is about to undergo, how there is no forgiveness for the action he is about to commit, how after all this is over, Obi-Wan cannot expect forgiveness and understanding because this is for the greater good, this is for the Jedi and all they protect.

This isn't a choice for Obi-Wan. It is an assignment to a Jedi Master. Attachment is forbidden, become a part of the cosmic force, and the galaxy will benefit from your sacrifice. But the undercurrent of remorse is there, and all the people he left behind will never forgive Obi-Wan for dying.

So, Obi-Wan holds his lightsaber to his chest because it is his life, it's a silent goodbye to who he is because of what he is. He chooses the Jedi and that choice kills him. It's in that moment that he says goodbye to Anakin and Ahsoka, to Cody and himself. His identity, his lightsaber, are about to no longer exist. Obi-Wan would willingly sacrifice who he is for the sake of the Jedi but that doesn't mean it is easy for him to do. So he holds his lightsaber close because he's not becoming a part of the cosmic force, he's becoming something much worse.

[a-menaceinpink]

Tales of the Jedi, Episode 3: Choices

Another Dooku-centric episode, taking place sometime after the TotJ Ep 2 but after Qui-Gon Jinn has been promoted to the rank of master. We get a Mace Windu appearance (king) and a deeper exploration into both Dooku and Windu’s personal politics. 

1.1k Words because I have many things to say, as always <3

Episode Summary: Jedi Master Katri is killed on Raxus, but the Senator she’s protecting escapes entirely unharmed. When Masters Dooku and Windu go to collect her body, Dooku takes the orders of the Council into his own hands to investigate the actual cause of her death, as he thinks the whole thing is suspicious. It turns out to be an ambush by the Senator’s guard who are looking to kill the Senator for embezzling funds from the planet and exploiting the planet’s resources at the expense of the people who live there while living on Coruscant and generally avoiding consequences. It’s a good background for the philosophical debate between Windu and Dooku, who have two very different ideologies regarding the law and protocol. 

Now let’s dig into those ideologies!!

So wrt Dooku, this episode only cements what was starting to show through the cracks in the last episode. From the way Windu reacts to Dooku wanting to disobey orders (or not disobey but. Go beyond what they were instructed, shall we say), it’s obvious that Dooku has a bit of a reputation for throwing the desires of his superiors to the wind in favor of following what he believes to be right. In this respect, he was strikingly similar to Anakin (Disaster Lineage strikes again <3). I also noted that he’s even more willing to start a fight than he was last episode. Dooku’s barely patient enough to get to the location of the supposed ambush before he’s drawing his lightsaber and threatening the Senator directly.

I’d also say that Dooku is even more unsteady in his faith in the Jedi Council than before or at least more aware of their failings, which in turn makes him wayyyyy more critical. He has no problem taking the side of the rebels (pre-Separatists?) against the Senate because, as established last episode, Dooku agrees that the Senate is corrupt and that the Jedi is at minimum percieved to follow the Senate’s beck and call. Basically, even before he’s showing signs of turning to the Dark Side of the Force, he would definitely be supportive of the Separatists cause as a group of planets seeking to free themselves from the largely exploitative Senate members.

I am left wondering how he turns to the Dark Side after this, since he seems to have such a righteous indignation at the way the Senate behaves, but more on that with episode four.

As we turn to Windu, almost the polar opposite ideology appears. Please note I do not mean that Windu wants to exploit people and supports a corrupt Senate. If you think that and/or hate Windu generally, we are not friends. Anyway. 

Windu has a much more strict adherence to the rules. Even though he is ultimately glad that they are able to catch the true killer of Katri, he’s uncomfortable/unhappy with the fact that they had to disobey the mandate of the Council and ended up with the death of a Senator on their hands as a result. 

But more than that, Windu doesn’t seem a stickler for the rules as much as he seems to have an unwavering faith in the leadership of the Council and the Jedi Code. He earnestly believes that the Council’s approach is one founded in discussion and decades, if not centuries, of experience and should therefore be respected. I don’t have much more to say on Windu, as he isn’t the focus of the episode, despite his ideology being the mirror in the political debate that the episode presents. That said, I think his behavior this episode is both in line with his behavior in later entries in the Star Wars saga (TCW, Prequels) and it’s a bit more depth than he’s given almost anywhere else, which I really appreciated.

Moving away from characterization and character motives, the political debate presented in this episode is one that has been argued to hell and back in basically every piece of media set in the Prequel / Pre-OG Trilogy era: Laws vs. Doing what you think is right.

Now obviously that’s an insane oversimplification but fear not. I’ll go on.

A central problem that’s presented in this episode is that the Senate is fundamentally corrupt. The question is whether the Jedi are complicit in this corruption. Obviously, as Windu states, they are keepers of the peace and thus should be (by their own code) standing by the citizens of these exploited planets and helping them find justice. Unfortunately, the Jedi do tend to follow the orders/requests of the Senate, which gives them the reputation galaxy-wide as basically space cops. 

Over and over again, the question asks you through Dooku whether the Council can truly be following the right path is they’re defending those (the Senate) who are explicitly harming those who the Jedi are mandated by the Code to protect (literally everybody else). I don’t think they’re ever going to a come to an answer when it comes to this, although the episode does certainly paint Dooku in a sympathetic light in the same way Anakin is meant to be painted in a sympathetic light when they’re both denied membership on the council status and master status, respectively. You can make an argument for both sides wrt to whether they deserve that sympathy, but frankly I don’t care to argue that point. What’s interesting to the story is how this affects both of them.

I also do think their final exchange on Raxus is super telling for the overall state of affairs in the Jedi Temple: Dooku thinks that the Council is allowing themselves to be misled and thus that each should use their own knowledge (forgetting to slow down, have patience/compassion, or heed the advice of others) while Windu believes that the Council deserves their trust precisely because of it’s apolitical status, disinterest in ego, and adherence to the Jedi Code (forgetting that the Jedi Council can and has been affected by all of those things)

On an IRL politics note, the episode is super anti-industrialization (hello Tolkein my old friend) and asks the fundamental question of whether the rules/the law is worth abiding by if it means that innocent people will get hurt. Despite the short nature of these episodes, they pack a LOT of political philosophy in there.

[thedunesea]

On Obi-Wan whump

The one thing I don't understand about my writing is my constant need to take Obi-Wan to his breaking point.

As a character he is sharp, intelligent, cunning, strong, even vicious at times, and his moral compass is unwavering and rooted in a deep-bone certainty that goes even beyond concepts such as faith. He doesn't believe in the Code, he is the Code made flesh, like all Jedi are (yeah, Anakin, all except you, and that's not Obi-Wan's fault).

The only time we see his certainty crumbling is in the Kenobi show, and even then he eventually manages not only to get back to his feet, but to hand Darth Vader's ass to him again while telling him he is sorry and then he walks away and showers and changes his clothes and goes on his merry way to become immortal. What a badass.

And yet I always find myself bringing him to his breaking point, and sometimes past it, to the point that I question my own characterization of him, that I'm uncertain of my ability to pull it off right. I don't want to pass him off as weak, he's anything but, but I always show him at his weakest, and this is really messing up my confidence in characterization.

It's like an urge to deconstruct his character to piece it back together, to crack the surface to see the light that still shines through, to break the shell to grab the pearl inside, and I just can't get enough of this because I'm not sure if I'm getting out of it what I'm looking for.

And I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'm sometimes afraid that if I keep looking for it like this I'll just break his character and find nothing more than an empty shell.

[gizkalord]

i am feeling more charitable towards the mask crack scene itself a few days out because i think the apology and the ambiguity of vader both reassuring obi-wan but also taking sick pleasure in claiming full credit for killing anakin skywalker is a REALLY good moment, even though the overall sequence of the mask crack doesn’t match the quality of twilight of the apprentice. i wish it could’ve been a more original scene, but it does a decent job, so i’m fine with it.

but i still don’t like that they only really resolve the internal conflict (obi-wan’s guilt) and don’t address the external ramifications of leaving vader alive (will continue to terrorize people like reva), especially when this show specifically brought up the consequences of vader remaining alive by showing how he indiscriminately kills random villagers AND how reva, one of the main characters, is a direct victim of his. it’s a little mind boggling that obi-wan simply CHOOSES to leave behind vader knowing everything i’ve mentioned above.

essentially you can’t just resolve the conflict through symbolic means if you’ve already introduced both symbolic and literal themes earlier in the show, if that makes sense. at worst, it makes obi-wan look like an asshole for failing to finish the job twice, knowing full well that vader is going to keep terrorizing the galaxy, and then shoving it off to luke, and at best, it’s just confusing and dissatisfying.

i think a better alternative could’ve been something like obi-wan needing to choose between killing anakin vs saving other people (like luke! or leia! or some other important and time-sensitive task). while still imperfect (and obv this is something i’ve only thought like 5 minutes about), it would reaffirm the jedi belief of saving lives and not ending them, which plays into his revival of faith. it could also emphasize how he’ll drop everything, even his guilt over anakin, for the twins, as we’ve already seen many times before that they are of paramount importance to him. it feels like they were SO close to actually doing that, but the timing is all off because he only senses luke in danger after he leaves the planet lol.

and it would still preserve the idea presented in the show that the ultimate insult to vader is obi-wan moving beyond him, when he himself is utterly incapable of it.

[peteyprecious616]

Blind Trust

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Female Reader

Summary: Is he telling you the truth? Or is it built up rage from years of being underestimated? You can't tell but when his love for you is so strong that he would sacrifice anything, including his sanity, to have you, how can you say no?

Word Count: ~ 1.4K

A/N: First of all, want to give credit to @defaulttwig for her huge help on giving feedback on my work. This is one of the fics i've had sitting around for a while that i wanted to fix so why not. Love Anakin and the Star Wars fandom so might as well add him to the long list of men I love.

Warnings/themes: angst, established relationship, frenzied lightsaber use

“I can never be good enough for you.” This feeling of anger and guilt flooded his eyes; those feelings creating tears that flow down his cheeks, making small intricate lines that shine from the moon’s light. A reoccurring look, an echo of the phrase being used over the past few months.

“Ani. You know that’s not true. I know the council doubts your strength as a true Jedi. But you know I would never see you any less.” You join his stiff form by the window. Your hand softly wraps around the crook of his elbow, your other hand cups his fist, as your thumbs rub over his raised veins running through his knuckles.

His head snaps to the side, looking at the sudden soft touch. He didn’t need pity. He pulled his arm from your hold hastily. Of course, you’d look at him like he was fragile. His body like cracked glass ready to shatter in front of you. It was disgusting.

“The council is deceiving all of us. A secret is among them that they won’t tell us.”

His mind goes to Obi-Wan. How could his master, his friend be keeping something from him? The deception. The lies. It’s all too much. It’s been going on for far too long.

His body shakes with hatred and impatience. His allegiance to the republic, his whole life being a puppet to them is a waste. He can start to hear everything. All of the hypocrisy yelling in his ears. Their praises becoming more degrading. It’s all too much.

Then he hears it. A small whisper.

“They don’t believe in you.” He can barely hear it. It’s a dizzying sound that makes his head revolve to the side.

His teeth clamp together. His chest starts to constrict, his breaths becoming ragged as he listens to it.

Why did something so small, barely audible, have such a hold on him?

It’s not a new feeling. It’s familiar. Forbidden.

“She needs you to be strong, Anakin.”

That sentence awakens that feeling. His burning desire to be stronger.

Stronger for you.

He looks around the dark depths of his mind, he starts to feel that rage.

The council members. The “holy” ones, that the people of Coruscant blindly trust. The wicked lies spilling from their lips.

They are always telling him personally, that he’s a “powerful Jedi that will grow into one of the greats.”

Obi-wan and the all-powerful Yoda preach to him about, “always trusting the force.” But how can he trust the force when they can’t even show him that mindless faith personally.

If they trust him so much, why can’t he be given a spot on the council that they promise him endlessly?

They are always telling him to be aware of some lingering side of the force as a kid. But they never give an explanation of why it’s so important not to give in to it.

They don’t trust him to be on the council or to know his way with the force.

To make his own decisions.

This voice is giving him everything. And why aren’t the others taking it?

Why would the council hold him back from this? If he was offered something that can give the one person he loves, safety and power.

He starts to feel that power flowing through his body. He sees those people in front of him. All the people that have been doubting him throughout the years.

He hates them.

He wants to kill them.

His mind takes control of his body, even though he does not realize the difference between his hatred and reality.

He feels his lightsaber flicker. And then he just let's go. He doesn’t hold back. He tries to get rid of everything; everyone in his path that would get in the way of this power. This idea of power would help keep you with him forever.

Because he’s in love with you.

He starts to hear a small, distraught whisper, almost a whimper. A voice he recognizes with ease. It calls to him instantly as his blinding fury slowly collapses in front of him.

“Ani, stop.” His eyes open. His vision blurry with rage and tears. A burning, putrid smell pulls him back from his mind.

He looks at your curled-up body in front of the lounge. Your knees are on the floor facing him. Your shaking hands are reaching out for him.

You are scared; petrified

“Please Ani, please come back to me.” Your ragged voice calls to him. Your cheeks shine from tears.

He scans the room in ruins. The couch behind your cowered body is burned from his lightsaber strikes. You are surrounded by broken glass that came from the lamp he destroyed beside you. Glass is scattered around your body, digging into your hands, your knees. The hum of his lightsaber ringing in his ear as it lights up your face, in the now darkened room. Everything is destroyed around you.

He always ruins everything. His eyes widened in horror.

You’re scared of him. Your body shakes as you kneel before him. You are terrorized by his power. His power shows his true feelings.

You would find out soon enough. You needed to know what he could do. What he would do to find out the truth.

He would do anything to show his strength, that feeling he had since the beginning. He is a determined man.

You can’t even look at him. You knew it was too late.

“Go, please.” Trying to keep a strong voice, even though it was failing to show your strength.

He knows he can’t hide anymore. His trust for the council is now gone. Your trust in him is slowly fading. But his love for you. It will never go away.

“You still have me. You will always have my heart. Even though I lost you.” he slowly walks towards your shaking body. You hear the glass crush beneath his feet.

“You lost yourself, Ani. I believe you are strong enough to forget me. To leave behind this life. So please let me go.” Your eyes are blurred, you can make out his slightly hunched form. His shoes are the only thing you focus on.

His thumb and forefinger ghost over your chin. Your head unconsciously lifts to his voice.

“I might have enough power to lead an army. To be a part of the council. But I'm not strong enough to do it without my strongest weapon. My heart is powered by you.”

Your bodies are surrounded by ruin. You know that you lost the Ani that you knew as a child. Your innocent love was tainted by the hate and unforgiving doubt that surrounded his cracked, bruised heart.

It is so big, but everyone wants to throw it away, to push it aside, not knowing it is a frail thing.

“Come with me. And I could show you how much power you can have in this galaxy. Stand by my side and we can show those who deceive us and who defy us our strength in what we believe. We can let them see our love for the truth, and what it means to live in principle.”

His shallow breaths hit your face. His truths fill your ears, mixing with what you know. Or what you knew.

You look into his pleading eyes. You try to find the meaning behind this.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth Ani? Being passionate for something with truth is different if it’s shadowed with hatred; your blind rage.” Your eyes widen when you come back from listening to his pleas. You notice his weak form was kneeling before you. The strong, standing Jedi was now on his knees for you. His power is gone before your eyes.

The power that he holds, being given this choice is now lying in your shaking hands. A literal image shows before you as his hand gently covers yours. You weaken him. The small thread tying him to his sanity is you.

“You’re my truth, my love. I only live for you. My future, my power is yours. All you have to do is take it.” His hoarse voice croaks. It's all too much. Too much power.

“I don’t know how. Please, I love you. I believe you. Just tell me what to do.” Tears fall down your already stained cheeks.

One hand cups your face. His other hand’s fingers run over your palm, linking yours together.

“Just grab my hand.” His thumb rubs circles over your fingers. He imagines that he is rubbing that fear from your hands. Your body. Reminding you of a comforting feeling. You trust it.

So you take it. You always would.

[jokerscrazybrilliant]

Survive - Chapter 1 - (Captain Rex)

Idk why I'm so nervous to post this lol, but I'm new here, anyhow, I've been re-watching Clone Wars and re-fawning over the incredible Captain Rex, so um, here's the maybe beginning to something? I kind of don't know how to judge my own writing so I hope this isn't totally sucky lol..

ANYHOW CHAPTER 1 !! XD

Also out now:

Chapter 2 · Chapter 3 · Chapter 4

Story on other platforms:

AO3 · Quotev

________

sur·vive /sərˈvīv/ verb Continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship. Similar: live · continue · remain · last · persist · endure · persevere · abide · linger · exist · be • continue to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal). • remain alive after the death of (a particular person). • manage to keep going in difficult circumstances.

________

Darkness. Everywhere. Not just a lack of light, but the feeling of being lost and directionless, the great darkness that spread endlessly in every direction. And I was alone in it, unable to watch my step, I stumbled over my feet as I ran. Run. Run. RUN.

“MASTER!” The shout tore itself from my throat painfully as I shot up in bed, sweating and in a panic. Breathing heavily, I put a hand to my chest, feeling my heart pounding painfully rapidly. I tried to control my breathing as I blinked away tears, making my way to the refresher, the bright lights of Coruscant’s horizon making their way into the room through the window.

The shower helped calm me down and I got dressed in my tan and brown jedi robes, making my way to the balcony to meditate until sunrise.

Today the council would be informing me of their decision on my future. When I lost my master so close to being ready to take my tests to be knighted, the council was unsure of which path would be best for me. To assign me as a Padawan to a new master or to get me to take the tests early, neither seemed an easy option. I took a deep breath and let my mind quiet as I felt the force flow through and around me. Whatever may come would be for the best, I just had to keep my mind open and accept things as they were.

***

Standing there in front of the council, most of what was said passed around me in a haze. All of the comments on how what had happened was unfortunate, but the force willed it so, the comments on how it would make me a stronger Jedi to learn patience detachment and strength from this particular trial. While this was all true, I wasn’t in a place where I wanted to hear these words. I just wanted to know what their decision was so I could carry on without thinking about what happened.

“-so we believe that it would be best if you served under another Jedi master, not necessarily as his Padawan, but just to gain some more experience before you are ready to take the tests for your knighthood. And you would also be assisting him in leading his battalion and helping him plan strategies for key missions. This is a great opportunity, so I hope that you will make the best of it, and I’m sure you will, we have faith in you Nimra.”

“Thank you Master Windu,” I bowed my head to him respectfully. “Might I ask to which Jedi Master I am being assigned?”

At my question a half smile and a nearly playful twinkle appeared in the Master’s eye. “Anakin Skywalker. He is a very skilled Jedi, and things would certainly never be dull.”

I gave a slight smile in response and bowed once more to the council. “Thank you for the opportunity masters, I will do my best to make you proud.” With that I made my exit, sagging slightly once the door closed behind me.

Master Skywalker, huh? I had met him a few times with my previous master on certain missions, and Master Windu’s comment made perfect sense to me. Things would certainly be interesting, but I was just hoping to keep my head down and get through the next few months with him until I could take my tests.

***

He was late. This was a wonderful start. He was late, and he was arriving in an old trash pile of a ship, one that looked like it was found in a junkyard on an outer-rim moon somewhere. “Nimra!” He called my name joyfully as he made his way down the ramp with a small blue astromech and a young orange skinned Togruta following him.

“Master Skywalker.” I bowed my head respectfully and gave him a small smile.

“I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to your master. He was a great Jedi Master and it’s truly a loss to the republic and the Jedi Order.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“Of course. I’d like you to meet my Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, Snips this is Nimra Sayla.” I bowed my head to the padawan as well and she returned it with a smile. “Nimra will be joining us for a while, and we will be lucky to have her, I’ve fought on the battlefield with her, and she is a force to be reckoned with.”

“You’re too kind, Master.”

“You’re nearly knighted yourself Nim, stop calling me that would ya?” He laughed at my formality, and I gave a small chuckle myself.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Master – Master Diya thought highly of professionalism and formalities.” I kept the smile even though saying my old Master’s name caused a sharp stinging pain in my heart. Anakin put his hand on my shoulder and gave me an understanding smile, which I appreciated immensely.

“Well, we should get going if we’re going to make the rendezvous with the rest of the fleet.” Anakin turned to climb back up the ramp before the astromech gave a series of agitated beeps at the Jedi. “Oh, you’re right, how could I forget. This, is R2-D2.” He laughed as he introduced the droid to me, it beeping appreciatively and spinning it’s head around slightly.

“Hello R2-D2, it’s nice to meet you.” I gave the droid a grin as we all made our way into the ship, me biting my tongue as not to comment on how this junk pile would possibly make the trip through hyperspace.

***

“Home sweet home.” Anakin commented as we made our way into the hangar of his Jedi cruiser we had met up with.

“Welcome back, General.” A clone trooper with the blue paint of the 501st met us as we descended. He was holding his helmet under his left arm, and he had buzzed bleached hair, with no other specific markings unlike many clones who chose to tattoo themselves or get very unique haircuts to set them apart from their comrades. Of course, being someone with the force, I could feel the energy signatures within people rather than just seeing their outsides, and that had always helped keep track of the clones, who while they had the same DNA, each had their own very different and unique personalities. “I see we’ve picked up a new recruit?”

“Thank you, and yes, Captain Rex, meet Nimra Sayla.” Anakin introduced us, gesturing his hands between us before focusing on an information disc R2 was giving him.

“Nice to meet you General.” The Captain gave me a salute.

“Oh, no, not quite. I’m not actually a Jedi Knight yet.” I gave him a slightly sheepish smile.

“Ah, sorry about that Commander.”

“That’s quite alright.”

“You’re not a padawan but also not a knight yet?” Ahsoka inquired from beside me.

“Uh, no, not yet. My master, he died before I could take my tests, so I’m going to complete my remaining trainings here with you until I can take them.” I was acutely aware of the pity entering Ahsoka’s eyes, but thankfully the clone did not show that same emotion, rather just a slight understanding of my situation.

“Sorry to hear that Sir.” Rex said, still standing at attention.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too.” Ahsoka said sweetly.

“It’s really okay, but thank you.”

“Alright, me and Ahsoka have to go prepare a debrief, and discuss how when I say ‘let’s go’, it means ‘let’s go’, and not ‘take your time Ahsoka’.” I chuckled at Anakin’s words.

“But Master, if I hadn’t stayed as long as we needed, we would’ve never gotten the information we needed!” She retorted, pointing at the disc in his hand.

“Yeah yeah, that’s not the point, Snips. Anyway, Rex, can you show Nimra around and to her quarters please?”

“Yes, of course Sir.” The captain saluted again and then turned to me as Anakin and Ahsoka walked away, still bickering.

“Are they always like that?” I asked, small smile still on my face.

“Yes Sir, for the most part.” His response made me turn to look at him in the eyes, serious expression taking over my features.

“I will do whatever it takes, whatever it takes, to get you to stop calling me that.” The moment he recognized my joking, some of his seriousness dissolved, and a small half smile appeared on his face.

“Whatever it takes?” He inquired, arching an eyebrow.

“I will personally make the trip to the end of the galaxy and back, on THAT scrap pile, with an agitated blurrg as my copilot, just to get you to stop calling me ‘sir’.” I pointed at Anakin’s ship behind me, serious expression never cracking even as I gained a full smile from the captain, which made my heart warm slightly.

“Well in that case, Commander.”

“That’s not any better!” I exclaimed, laughing as he grinned at me.

“Shall we begin the tour?” He offered, arm outstretched in the direction we would begin with.

“Yes, Captain.” My grin remained as he began to show me around. This will be interesting indeed.

[obiwanobi]

okay but,, I can't get this idea out of my head of an au where anakin falls early, maybe halfway through the war– but instead of joining sidious or dooku he runs, terrified of himself, and stays somewhere he can't tear the galaxy apart like the darkest part of himself keeps goading him to. and he's there for a handful of months, and he's lonely and scared– until obi-wan comes to find him. and this man who anakin has loved for so long never stopped searching, razed a path through the galaxy (1/2)

I TOLD you all to stop sending me perfect prompts, god, here’s 3k that could be resumed by ‘it’s rotten work’ ‘not to me, not if it’s you’  because I have no self control:

"Anakin."

It's the first time in seven months that Obi-Wan pronounces his name with hope.

The back of the hooded figure visibly tenses in front of him. Obi-Wan can see his hand clenching around his glass, and his head starts turning in his direction but stops before Obi-Wan can see his eyes. Instead, it's in the Force that Anakin looks for him. It's a small, tentative tendril that crosses the space between them, ridiculously shy in comparison to the enthusiastic maelstrom that usually greets him when Obi-Wan extends his mind to Anakin.

But it's him. Too warm and barely controlled, the familiar flame of a burning pyre that Obi-Wan has never learned how to turn his eyes from.

 Headache-inducing and almost unbearable, have been some words used to describe Anakin's presence in the Force.  The most comforting of infernos, Obi-Wan has always thought.

Anakin feels surprised, and something close to joy colours the Force around him for a fleeting moment. Obi-Wan can feel the corners of his mouth turning up as he sighs affectionately.

"De—"

Then it all turns to panic.

He doesn't even have the time to realise that Anakin has retracted his signature behind durasteel shields the second it touched Obi-Wan's, because the man in front of him is already jumping to his feet, pushing the Twi'lek waiter away, and running for the exit of the cantina.

It leaves Obi-Wan stunned, arm still raised toward an empty chair.

Surprisingly, it's not panic that filled him, or even the persistent fear that if he loses Anakin now, after months of roaming the galaxy looking for him, then how long will it take before catching the smallest clue of his location again? No, this time, the worry and dread that has been his faithful companions for so long, now make way for something only Anakin knows how to infuse into him in the most inappropriate of times: exasperation.

"Anakin!" he yells, making the Rodian next to him jump in his seat. 

Rushing outside, his eyes scan the street, trying to find a tall figure in a brown robe at the same time he stretches his senses through the Force to guide him toward his infuriating former padawan. Not used to the brightness of the twin suns and the constant particles of sand and dust floating around, Obi-Wan is almost sure that the glimpse of Anakin's presence he felt for half a second is only due to his inattention and not Obi-Wan's skills. For once, Obi-Wan isn't going to complain about Anakin's lack of focus: he starts running right away.

Anakin goes through three sharp turns, two attempts at climbing a roof and even one force-jump through the window of a shop, but Obi-Wan is determined to follow him wherever he goes. Even if he has to apologise to every irritated person he pushes out of the way.

"This is ridiculous," he says loudly, when he catches the dark brown robe trying to zigzag between stands, "I don't even know why you're running away from me!"

He thinks he can see Anakin throwing him a look, but with the hood over his face and one of the suns starting to set in front of him, can't be certain. It's only when Anakin seems to miss a turn and finds himself a few seconds later out of the streets, at the edge of a cliff overlooking the desert and its endless dunes, that he realises his mistake.

They're out of town now. There's nothing but the background noise of civilisation left behind, a warm wind sweeping the sand between them, and the twin suns bathing Anakin's silhouette in a glowing light.

"An—" Obi-Wan says, trying to get his breath under control. He's not used to such heat, and all the running, Force-jumping and the sweating really didn't help. Still, he takes a step toward him.

"Don't."

Even if it's just a simple word, hearing the sound of his voice soothes a deep ache that has plagued most of Obi-Wan's nights for the past few months.

Anakin is facing the canyon, the dune sea and the suns, a dark form with a double shadow, only showing his back to Obi-Wan. Even if he doesn't show his face, feelings bleed through his shields, as if he's still a padawan trying to get an awkward hold on the Force. There are confusion and anger, most of it directed at himself, Obi-Wan notes, and an all-encompassing veil of shame. Fear is here too, blending the edges of the mess produced by the cacophony of so many emotions clattering against each other. Obi-Wan can feel Anakin realising the flaws in his mental defences, and the spark of mortification before he hastily tries to rein it all in.

For a second, Obi-Wan thinks he's going to jump down the canyon just to avoid the embarrassment of inadvertently broadcasting his emotions.

"I won't stop chasing you now that I've found you," Obi-Wan warns, before the idea comes to Anakin's mind. The jump wouldn't kill him, but Obi-Wan really doesn't feel like tracking him through rocky canyons, tusken traps and krayt dragons. "I won't stop before you tell me why you're running away from me."

Anakin lowers his head without replying, shoulders sagging. Obi-Wan's feet move slowly. His mind reaches once again toward Anakin's, brushing against him in a wordless question. All irritation gone by now, he adds quietly:

"...And why you didn't come home."

Anakin's shields shudder. "You shouldn't have come."

"Anakin, the Separatists had you as their prisoner for almost a month. Rex told me he saw Grievous dragging your body to his ship himself. The Council waited for their terms of release, and when it didn't come, we thought you were dead."

"The Council," he snarls darkly, "they probably were happy to finally get rid of me."

"You know it's not true."

"No, I don't."

"Do you think I was happy, then?" Obi-Wan retorts, trying to stop the need to grab his robe and shake some senses into him. "Do you think Rex and I enjoyed having to plead with the Republic War Council to give us more time to look for you?"

The dark robe in front of him shuffles a bit. "You took the 501st to look for me?"

"Of course we looked for you! We went through every report of Grievous' flagship presence and got every intel we could gather about your possible location. There was no clue in any Separatist outposts we raided," he adds, focusing on his words to stay composed, and not the memory of becoming desperate enough after another fruitless day to check black markets for familiar mechno-arm's parts. "And we were starting to believe that you were truly dead then, until... Until we found an abandoned facility. With a lot of battle droids destroyed, and Grievous and Dooku dead. Force-choked to death."

Anakin stays silent again.

In the horizon, one of the suns has settled low enough to brush against the dune sea. The light has turned to a deep orange around his silhouette.

Obi-Wan takes a step.

"There was a holorecording."

The only answer he gets is the sound of a sharp intake of air, and an intensity in the Force that always saturates the air when Anakin tries, in vain, to calm his mind.

Another step.

"I saw you taking a starfighter. I saw you leaving the facility, free."

Another step.

"Why didn't you come back to the Temple?"

"There was nothing for me there anymore."

The word stops Obi-Wan in his tracks.  Somehow, one sentence is harder to swallow than months of worry. He's always known that he failed to make Anakin feel at home at the Temple, or make him realise that there might not be parents or siblings in names there, but the feeling of kinship remains the same. But to hear him say that the sum of all these years spent there together boils down to nothing to him, still manages to crack Obi-Wan's composure.

The burn in his throat makes his next words difficult to pronounce.

"Why didn't you come back to me, Anakin?"

"BECAUSE I'VE FAILED YOU!" Anakin snaps, throwing his arms up and his shields down, and finally turns toward Obi-Wan in a dramatic movement of his robe.

The hood falls from his head, and even if the sunset at his back prevents Obi-Wan from seeing his expression, hidden in the shadow, he can't miss his golden hair forming an incandescent halo around his face. The Force has erupted in a bonfire within Anakin, crackling around him in warning to anyone who would approach it, white-heat fever and boundless darkness at the same time.

It tastes like ash on Obi-Wan's tongue.

He pulls his own shields a bit tighter around him.

"Why do you keep asking this question when you know what I've done? Why are you even here? Are you here to kill me? Because I failed you, Obi-Wan! I killed them and I felt nothing but satisfaction! I accepted the dark side, I welcomed it even, it burned through me and it's still burning right now, and I'm incapable of controlling anything, not even my own shields, so no, I couldn't come back and pretend I could still be a Jedi. And now you saw it, you saw everything, so I can't even prete— I can't..."

The swirling of emotions comes crashing down around Anakin so violently that Obi-Wan physically flinches, and it looks like the Force is suddenly cutting down the strings holding him upright. He crumples to the ground in a cloud of sand and dust, close, too close to the edge of the cliff.

There's only the sound of Anakin panting for a moment, long enough for Obi-Wan to gather his thoughts, and take another step.

Only he would be foolish enough to want to touch glowing embers.

"It doesn't change my question," he says calmly, like he's always done after one of his padawan's tantrum. "Why didn't you come back to me, Anakin?"

He thinks he can see Anakin opening his mouth to answer, but only a short derisive laugh leaves his lips before he drags his feet in the dust and turns away from him again.

Finally, —finally—, Obi-Wan is close enough. Stopping just a few centimetres from Anakin's back, his hand instinctively reaches for his shoulder but hovers right before touching it. And then settles there and squeezes. It belongs there, he thinks as Anakin makes a small noise at the back of his throat.

He expects Anakin to shrug off his hand, refuse his touch, just like he's refusing to look directly at him.

But he doesn't.

"I couldn't see you," he admits after a pause, eyes closed. "I don't care about the Council, or the Republic, or anyone else, but I couldn't... I couldn't bear the disappointment in your eyes. I didn't want you to leave me, so I left first."

"Oh, Anakin," Obi-Wan sighs, trying to swallow the affection in his voice. He pauses for a second, relishing the feel of Anakin letting him rub his thumb on his shoulder. "I am saddened and upset, yes. When I watched all that anger unleashed and how you succumbed to it, how you crushed Grievous and Dooku so easily that I could almost feel the dark side through the holo, I felt... I felt heartbroken."

The indignation he expected, or any sort of accusations to shift the blame on something or someone else, doesn't come. Instead, Anakin bends his head and pulls his legs closer to him, like he has just been hit.

"I'm sorry Master," he manages to whisper, face hidden behind his arms and hair, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry—"

"Listen, listen," Obi-Wan begs rapidly, kneeling next to him. His hand moves from his shoulder to the back of his neck, trying to soothe him. "I was heartbroken for you. You were alone, in a terrible situation, being taunted, electrocuted, tortured. It doesn't excuse what you did, but, Anakin, you disappeared for months after that. You ran away without a word, without an explanation, and I couldn't— I couldn't believe you would voluntarily turn your back on us. I couldn't let the thought that you didn't trust us enough to help you go. And then... you called for me."

"No, I didn't." The muffled, petulant tone makes Obi-Wan smiles a bit. His hand moves up along his nape to Anakin's curls, stroking gently, pushing unruly locks behind his ears.

"You did. Unconsciously, probably, but you did. For so long, I couldn't reach you through the Force, but I kept trying every time I meditated, hoping to catch a glimpse of you, anything to make sure you were still alive somewhere. And one day, I heard you. Far, far away, barely loud enough to recognise, but I heard you. Wishing I was with you."

Anakin's hand clenches in a fist at the words. Obi-Wan ignores it, fingers still running through his hair in a rhythmic movement.

"That's why I've spent seven months looking for you, searching the galaxy for you. Because I wished I was with you too."

Obi-Wan didn't expect the wounded noise that escaped Anakin's mouth, and even less that his admission would cause Anakin to throw himself at him in a fierce embrace. Caught off-guard, Obi-Wan topples and falls on his back in a cloud of dust. In the Force, Anakin's shields come crashing down again, but this time, Obi-Wan doesn't draw back from it. Their bond suddenly bursts open, emotions spilling in all directions and showering him with a chaotic jumble of relief-longing-hope, eventually blending together to only leave lovelovelove.

"Anakin," he sighs, with his usual falsely annoyed and secretly fond tone that seems to be the only way he knows how to pronounce his name. Anakin, heavy on top of him now, doesn't respond, too busy nuzzling Obi-Wan neck. "The cliff is right there, we could have died."

"Don't care," he replies, squeezing his arms impossibly tighter around Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan chuckles, and he can feel more than hear him hums in appreciation at the sound, face hidden under his chin.

After months of extending his mind through millions of Force-sensitive beings scattered around the galaxy and still finding it empty, there is nothing more reassuring than being smothered by Anakin's presence in the Force. He tugs on their bond a bit, just to feel it, and when Anakin instantly tugs back, Obi-Wan's hand on his waist pulls him closer.

"Would you look at me, Anakin? Just for a second. I have yet to really see you."

There is a short pause and then a long breath against his neck before Anakin puts one elbow on the ground next to Obi-Wan's face, raises his head, and finally, truly looks at Obi-Wan.

"Hello, there," Obi-Wan whispers, as familiar blue eyes blink at him.

Embarrassment tinges the Force and his cheeks pink, and Anakin seems to promptly remember that his shields are non-existent right now and that he's lying flat on Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan watches, amused, as he awkwardly starts to untangle his legs from him and shifts his weight to get to his knees.

"Now, shall we—"

"Watch the sunset with me," Anakin blurts out, then realises what he just said and starts babbling. "I mean, we're already here and it's almost over now, but it's the only beautiful thing on this Force-forsaken planet."

"Oh, I'm not so sure about that," Obi-Wan grins as Anakin's eyes widen. He opens his mouth, thinks better of it and closes it, looking at anything but Obi-Wan. Taking pity on him, Obi-Wan holds his hand toward him to help him get up. "Also, Anakin, the next time you want to punish yourself, please choose to do it on another planet than Tatooine. I don't think I can handle one more day of the suns trying to roast me like an Endorian chicken."

"Yes Master, your fair skin will be my first consideration the next time I turn to the dark side."

"I'm sure it will," he teases, squeezing Anakin's hand as he pulls him into a sitting position.

Anakin rolls his eyes, but quickly ducks his head to hide his reddened cheeks.

And then it hits him.

Right at this moment, seated next to his former padawan, their feet dangling above the desert, easy banter and the quiet tune of their signatures melting into each other again, Obi-Wan is happy. Even if Anakin is still dangerously close to the dark side, even if the war isn't completely over yet, even if he's not going to get away with deliberately ignoring the Council's messages for the past few months, Obi-Wan feels at peace. Content.

Eyes closed, he whispers his thanks to the Force for not taking another one of the most important people in his life away from him.

He doesn't need to look at Anakin to know he's wondering what he's doing, and his smile only grows before taking his hand in his own. Anakin makes a surprised noise, raising his head to look at him. His expression turns almost alarmed when Obi-Wan cups his face, thumb rubbing lightly against his cheek.

"We'll figure it out, Anakin. I won't leave you."

He's framing his face with both hands now, and can’t resist pressing his lips to his forehead. Anakin's signature turns impossibly brighter at the touch, and between the new uproar of feelings tangled together, Obi-Wan notices a tinge of desire and want, that will definitely be analysed later and probably used to tease him a bit more. This shade of red does look lovely on his cheeks, he notices, pleased.

But he will have time to embarrass him further later. Now, Obi-Wan just wants to enjoy the moment with him.

"...Also because I can't. The starship I borrowed has been making a worrying rattling noise since I left the Mid Rim. It's a miracle I arrived on Tatooine in one piece, and there is no way I'm putting another foot in it before you can assure me that it won't explode the moment I activate the hyperdrive regulator."

Anakin bursts into laughter. "Borrowed? Who did you steal it from this time?"

"I would never—" Obi-Wan scoffs, falsely indignant at the accusation.

"Don't lie, Master, it's unbecoming of you."

"I left a very apologetic note behind, if you must know."

Anakin laughs again, and it warms Obi-Wan's heart like nothing has managed to for the past seven months. He leans on his side to rest his head against Obi-Wan's, bumping his shoulder with his. There isn't any space left between them.

"What would you do without me, Master?"

"Crash and burn, probably." 

Basking in the golden light of the sunset, Obi-Wan tries not to burst with how warm he feels with Anakin messy locks tickling his face and Anakin's breath near his ear and Anakin's hand in his.

The last of Tatooine’s suns goes down in front of them. 

The most comforting of infernos, Obi-Wan thinks as the scorching heat of Anakin's signature clings to him too tightly.

He doesn't mind burning at all.

[fieldsofbone]

someone commented this on a youtube clip of the scene at the end of return of the jedi when luke and leia see obi-wan’s and anakin (but the edit with anakin being hayden)’s force ghosts:

and someone replied with this:

and it’s like my guy if you prefer the original trilogy and have beef with how the sequels were handled, that’s fine! i have my biases too! but to me this is such a reductionist (and frankly elitist) take on what the ethos of the originals — and, particularly, anakin’s arc — is about, which is a blatant rejection of this binary conception of Good and Evil and instead a story about redemption driven by an unfaltering belief in or faith from hope and family. the jedi have long evangelized about what “good” and “evil” are. anakin’s story — specifically luke saving him — shows the pitfalls of this black and white model of thinking that the jedi live by.

taste is subjective and the star wars trilogy to which you attach yourself seems to have much more to do with nostalgia/which one was released or you were raised on as a child etc. etc., but to me what makes the prequels so compelling and heartbreaking is how they expose the cracks inherent in the jedi order that caused everyone around anakin to fail and neglect this young boy they brought into their world (from slavery! who was torn away from his mother — his only real emotional connection to anyone!) who was clearly dealing with trauma and needed institutional support to guide and nurture him but who couldn’t be helped because of the jedi’s stringent rules and procedures. anakin’s “fall” isn’t (at least exclusively) attributable to anything inherent in his personality or self, but rather the surrounding institutional structures that failed him. so the originals and luke’s journey show us how his light and compassion and belief not only in the goodness of his father but in people is able to redeem anakin, release him from the misery and anguish and rage that have consumed his last (near) two decades, and bring him to a resting place among his closest friend/brother.

and for this guy’s takeaway from ALL OF THAT… from this story that spans SIX feature-length films (not including TCW or rebels) to be that Jedi Good and Sith Bad and No In-Between shows that he missed the Entire Fucking Point of the last 40 years’ worth of content. something something who’s a fake star wars fan now something something

[humandisasterskywalker]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) -

All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker

Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Torture, Whump, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, No Beta We Die Like Clones Series:

Part 1 of Whumptober 2021

Summary:

Whumptober 2021 Day 1 - ALL TRUSSED UP AND STILL NOWHERE TO GO

“You’ll have to let go” / barbed wire / bound

Anakin was used to being captured. The way his master was determined to spring every trap had resulted in it being a common occurrence in their apprenticeship. 

He was confident Obi Wan would come to rescue him. After all, he always had. The Force Suppression cuffs however, they were new. 

If he was honest with himself, Anakin had got used to being captured by this point. Obi Wans mantra that the best way to negotiate a trap was to spring it had gotten the two of them into this kind of situation too many times before. It had happened too many times to be a novelty.

Obi Wan would be along to break him out soon. He always did. He wasn’t worried.

The Force Suppression cuffs clasped around his wrists though, he was not used to them.

He didn’t know if a new scientist had joined the separatist cause and developed the technology, or someone had defected from the order bringing it with them. It couldn’t be Dooku. If he had wanted to use them surely he would have introduced them when the war had first started. Anakin stared at the blank walls of the cell.

He hoped Obi Wan wouldn’t take too long to reach him. Experience had proved that lone captivity was nothing if not boring.

***

His captors seemed intent on ignoring him. The only real contact he was getting with any sentient being was with the guard that brought his rare meals. He never talked. Never responded to Anakins attempts to engage him, whether through his brand of humour or insults to prompt him into a fight. Nothing worked. He was craving some kind of human interaction. Anything that could add interest to his day.

Anakin had no windows in the cell. He couldn’t tell exactly how much time had past but counting meals made him think it had been at least a standard week. Maybe more. His arms were hurting from the cuffs, his shoulders stiff from holding them in the same position. What was keeping Obi Wan? He had never taken more than a few days to come after him before. 

Doubt crossed his mind. Maybe Obi Wan was only willing to come after him when he was his Padawan. Maybe now he had been Knighted he didn’t think it was worth it. He wasn’t his responsibility anymore…

No! Anakin thought. He would come. He was just spiralling from the lack of conversation. He never could deal well being left alone with his thoughts Obi Wan would come. 

He would. 

He had to.

A clanking sound echoed outside the room. Anakin scurried towards the hatch in the door. Maybe today would be the day the guard would crack. The Dura-steel slid back to reveal two mechanical arms.

Roger Roger!” The droid droned before withdrawing.

Anakins heart dropped. There went any hopes of a conversation.

***

If you asked Anakin the whole charade was his captor’s fault.

It was them who had decided to leave him alone for so long. He could only be trusted for a short amount of time before he came out with some kind of scheme.

The problem was that his well planned escape attempt had not worked. 

Not in the slightest. 

He hadn’t made even two corridors until he had run into a patrol. He had not realised how much he had come to rely on his connection to the force. It had covered up holes in his plans before.

Not that the quality of the plan was his fault. It was the separatists. The ones who had left him alone with nothing to do but think. And Obi Wan. For leaving him here.

The droids that dragged him back through the hallways of the ship didn’t seem interested in whose blame it was though. They didn’t seem interested in his comfort either. His legs had given out after the injuries he had suffered in his recapture had got the better of him. But the droids didn’t slow, continuing to drag him along the floor 

They weren’t heading back to his cell Anakin thought. These corridors were different. Darker. They were going deeper into the ship. Where could they be taking him? Maybe at last he would be able to work out exactly why he was being held here. At least that would mean he got some answers.

The door slid open before him with a mechanical beep revealing a bed surrounded by mechanical equipment.

The whole room had a disconcerting hum. As if it was alive with electricity. He was sure if he could feel the force it would have felt dark.

He subconscious reached for his bond, feeling a deep pang of loneliness when he found nothing in its place.

He was wrestled into the bed and strapped down

This was not going to be good.

*** 

Electric shocks jolted into his body. 

“Tell us,” the masked man growled. “The plans for the defence of Christophsis !”

The jolts stopped and Anakin felt his body sag.

He hurt. All over. He desperately tried to conceal it. He ran over the Jedi code in his head. He couldn’t let his emotions show. 

He was serene.

 He was peaceful. 

He felt no pain.

Except he did. He really, really did.

He kept his mouth shut. He was not going to risk his troopers lives by revealing anything. And Obi Wan. His master was due on Christophsis. He wouldn’t condemn him by telling them anything. Even though he hadn’t come for him.

He wasn’t coming Anakin realised. He was going to be left here alone. He’d probably die here.

“Very well,” The man said. His mouth contorted into a smile through the mask. “We will have to do this the hard way.”

He jolted the switch down and Anakins body ignited. 

He couldn’t see. 

He couldn’t hear. 

He couldn’t feel anything apart from the pain coursing through him. 

His mouth was open but he couldn’t even hear himself scream. 

The world was white. The world was pain. 

Let me die he begged to himself just let me die rather than live through this. 

The electricity shut off and the world slowly returned to him. 

The man was hunched over him now. His face was barely above his.

“Christophsis Jedi. Tell us about Christophsis and this will all be over.”

I don’t know!” Anakin sobbed. “I don’t know anything about Christophsis. I didn’t even know you were interested in it .”

The man’s smile seemed to get even crueller. 

“I don’t believe you Jedi. See we have sources that suggest you are one of the key Generals for the Christosphis campaign. I guess I must try harder to break you.”

Sources Anakin thought distantly was their a spy in the order. But before he had the chance to swell on it further his world became pain again.

Why didn’t you come? He thought desperately before he lost his grasp on consciousness. Obi Wan, why did you chose to leave me here?

***

Anakin didn’t look up when the door opened. The door opening only resulted in pain now. Maybe if he pretended to not look the door wouldn’t have opened.

That his torture wasn’t about to resume.

Not that he wasn’t in pain now. Ever since his escape attempt, he had been restrained even within the room, his hands cuffed on the wall above his head. 

His arms hurt. The only break they ever got was when he was taken away to that chamber, if you could even call that rest. He was so tired. His hopes of rescue had almost completely gone.

He still had faith in his Master. He had to. It was the only thing he had left. He just wanted it all to be over.

He could see an electric blue light ignite behind his eyelids. 

He knew that light.

He was sure.

His eyes flew open. 

Obi Wan was standing in the doorway.

He felt relief course through him. He didn’t know how it would play out. He didn’t know how they’d get out. But his Master was here now. That meant everything would be fine.

Obi Wan moved forward quickly, lightsaber swinging straight through the cuffs. Anakin felt his weight give way, the pressure finally released from his arms. He fell to the floor. Or he would have done it if he wasn’t caught. Obi Wan lowered him gently, hand caressing his face.

“Dear One, what did they do to you?”

Anakin opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by the rush as the force returned to him.

He could feel the hum again, the way the world seemed to speak to him. He reached for the bond, clumsy and desperate but he grasped hold of it as soon as he found it. 

He felt Obi Wans worry.

He felt the sense of hopelessness Obi Wan had suffered.

He felt the determination Obi Wan had felt.

“You looked for me.” Anakin croaked. “You didn’t stop looking for me.”

Obi Wan looked devastated. “Of course not Padawan. I would never stop looking for you.”

 He glared at the cuffs. “Those, abominations meant it took far longer, but I would never…” Obi Wan stared into Anakin’s eyes “never leave you behind Padawan.”

“Am not a Padawan.” Anakin tried to joke.

Obi Wan didn’t crack a smile. “You will always be my Padawan dear one. I will always care for you.”

Anakin smiled, feeling himself being lifted into Obi Wans arms. 

“Knew you’d come for me.” He murmured. “They told me you wouldn’t but knew they would.”

“What did they do?” Obi Wans voice was flat. Carefully controlled.

“Electricity…” Anakin said. He was fighting off the darkness again. He desperately fought himself, trying to keep awake. “They wanted to know about Christophsis. Know about you. Couldn’t let them know that Master.”

Obi Wans expression was dark. “They won’t get you again Padawan. I swear.” 

Anakin felt a pulse of reassurance as he fell back into unconsciousness. 

He was safe. 

Obi Wan would protect him. 

He was safe.

[siennahrobek]

Obi-Wan could smell it before he even thought of lowering his shields enough to feel it. It is the tangy and coppery smell of blood. The Temple is drenched in it and even though it no longer flows, he can nearly see it flowing down the columns and steps, once beautiful and magnificent. Once home. There is fire and blood, smoke that fills his lungs until he feels he can no longer breathe.

There are corpses everywhere he turns, he cannot escape the sight. The clones had not done anything with the bodies, they had just shot elderly, sick, teachers, children and younglings, in the back and moved on to shoot another and another and another. His stomach was rolling in continuous waves and his feelings are nothing but nauseous.

He has seen many battles, many fields strewn with bodies of both the enemy and the innocent. Has seen his own men across these fields, fighting to protect those who cared very little for them. Fighting and dying in defense of the innocence on the planet they happened to be on, shielding them from mortars and blaster fire. Countless shot, blasted, crushed, ripped apart, fallen. There are few horrors he has not seen and witnessed.

But it has been many years since he last witnessed a place so soaked with the demise of so many children. But this time, this time, there is no one left to keep on.

*

Obi-Wan is drifting. Drifting through the halls, an aimless and futile search for survivors. The clones are good at what they do, battle and war. They carry their orders well. They do not leave survivors. They never left a single droid unbroken and operational on the countless battles he has fought alongside them with. He does not understand. He thinks he never will.

It does not escape his eye, however, that some bodies did not sport the death wounds of blaster shots. Many had been beheaded or relieved of any number of limbs. The cauterized wounds a lightsaber makes.

Someone led the troopers into the Temple, someone they trust and someone the younglings thought they could trust.

A jedi.

There was yet, another traitor.

Obi-Wan travels deeper and deeper, letting his feelings guide him. There is nothing left, he finds, only the feelings of horror and betrayal lingering. The oppressing cold of the dark side. It screamed at him, a mournful wail. Perhaps it is suitable, he thinks, if he died here, if he wandered so deep, became so lost, he could not return. The thought it almost appealing, he thinks, because this must be what his destiny is. Something so lonely and terrible that only he would survive it, because, in the end, for some reason he cannot fathom, he is the one who continues to stand, continues to survive. He is nearly to his knees, leaning against a cold stone wall when he hears it and in the beginning, he is not entirely sure that it is not his brain playing tricks upon him. Because if the sound is true and real, nothing would be the same. A hushed sound brings him back to his senses and he reaches out, hesitantly, carefully. Something reaches back. That sound changes his life.

*

There are survivors. A gaggle of children huddling behind a clone with askew armor and a lightning scar over his head. A tiny horned head pops over the top of it, little hands gripping the armor and eyes wide with curiosity. The clone went to cover it but upon the younglings cry of joy at the sight of the jedi master, his shoulders roll and with the motion, so does the tension. He somehow expects a battle, an enemy. Obi-Wan can relate.

Firework, the trooper supplies. Obi-Wan doesn’t recognize him and the clone barely knows who Obi-Wan is either. As the younglings cry and try to grab hold of the jedi they know, Firework spill out. He does not understand what is happening. He knows about as much as Obi-Wan does. He does not understand why his brother have done something so awful, so cruel, so out of character.

He thinks something must be wrong. Obi-Wan isn’t sure he can think about it right now, so he does not. He just stares at what is left, down at the bodies that are wriggling to get close to his presence, as if he can offer them some amount of safety. He is uncertain what he is able to offer. Out of ten thousand, it is not much, but it is something. It is everything.

It is hope.

He leads them to the communications and information hub for answers, for something else. He contacts Bail Organa on the way, his only known ally, and requests for a bigger ship. They have more cargo to smuggle now. The senator seemed relieved at the prospect. Firewok glances at him, cautiously. He doesn’t know who to trust, especially when it comes to the government, to the senate. Obi-Wan can relate.

He relays a message to any surviving jedi to not return to the Temple.

The darkness and tyranny has risen, the Republic, fallen.

That time is gone and passed. A future that is uncertain, no longer safe.

There will be challenges, trust, faith, friendships.

There will be a new hope, he assures.

He really does not know who he is trying to convince. The children listen, quiet and attentive but once he is done, all of the questions bombard him. What is happening Master Kenobi? Where will we go? Why are our loved ones dead? Why are our loved ones killing us?

He does not have the answers for them.

Instead, he directs Firework to lead the children out of the Temple, sneakily and quietly and away, as Bail’s awaiting ship approaches to take them far from this place. He tells him there is something, one other thing, he must do, and he will catch up for certain. There are security tapes near everywhere and he has accessed them. He must know.

“It will only bring you pain,” a voice, a little Tholothian youngling, declares, her voice mournful and sympathetic, but it is too late. The recording plays and his heart twists, his chest lumps together and he can no longer breathe. Because, of course, he knows that face. He knows that face, but he does not recognize those eyes. Those yellow eyes.

Anakin.

He doesn’t refute it. Not with a youngling around. Not when she witnessed the horror. Who is he to question her trauma, just because he does not want to believe it? Perhaps, if she had not been there, he would have muttered denials. Because it seemed impossible. Anakin was capable of a great many things, but he never would have thought that he would slaughter children. Not this.

He doesn’t say anything else on the matter. He just stares as his beloved apprentice, his beloved brother, kneels at the feet of a Sith Lord, declaring himself and pledging himself to the Master. Anakin was always so concerned about becoming a slave to anything, Obi-Wan supposed the young one hadn’t realized he had just walked into it willingly. “You must go with the others,” he says instead, his voice cracking and somehow, it has become hoarse. Unusual, considering he has not been screaming or crying or even talking that much as of late.

“You must come with me,” she replies instead.

“There is someone I must warn,” he counters, the words coming out of his mouth before his brain can catch up. Somehow, he knows who he must warn but he wants nothing to do with it, not really. She will not believe him.

“You can call her,” she adds, patiently. He wonders if she knows who he is thinking of. She almost acts as though she does and perhaps it is true. They had never been one for subtly. Anyone could know rather easily. “There is no one else we can trust. Please.”

He nods but his mind is full. How can he not? “I apologize for my inadequate behavior,” he says in express regret, tone quiet and subdued. She takes his hand, curling her fingers around his larger one, and starts to lead him away from the recording, playing on a loop. It will stop automatically in a few minutes; he realizes but he cannot summon the strength to turn it off. He can hear a few sounds, but little else from it. “I do not know what I am thinking.”

“It is okay,” she assures, squeezing his hand, gently. The touch grounds him, brings him back to the present. He is tired, he knows, but not enough to cease action, not enough to stop moving forward. “But you survived. You are everyone’s best hope to survive too,” she points out, shuffling closer to his side. “Our only hope. Help us.”

“I have survived,” he agrees, although his voice is rather bland. He isn’t sure exactly what she is saying he has survived. It could be any number of things. Conflict, war, pain, death. He still wonders why him, out of all people, all beings, that keeps surviving these things. But then again, he does know, doesn’t he?

Infinite sadness, a nonexistent wind whispers.

Right, he thinks. He hadn’t lost everything yet. He has not yet become a near powerless, lonely old man in the desert.

Life had more to take.

Firework had been on the verge of absolute panic upon discovering the youngling’s absence when they got to the docked ship. All of them were aboard and he appeared ready to dive back into the horror scene that was once their home. Obi-Wan nearly could swear the clone nearly fainted in his relieved sigh when he saw the two of them, hand in hand, approach the ship. Bail had a rather large air craft waiting for them to rendezvous with. No one knew what would happen know and they looked to Obi-Wan for answers.

How could he tell them that he didn’t have any? Not one?

Obi-Wan, after getting the children to sleep, called Padme. It isn’t a pleasant conversation, and it drags out, no matter how many times he tries to excuse himself. She has questions. And once again, he does not have answers. He warns her of Anakin, of what he has done and what he could do. She does not believe him. But there is something there that she does know, he just can’t read it through the call. He lacks surprise at her disbelief, she is even more blind to Anakin’s faults than he is, apparently.

But Obi-Wan knows the truth. He just cannot convince her of it. He suggests she get help, a lot and fast, if she wants to survive her pregnancy – the jedi cannot help her now. This she is surprised by although Obi-Wan doesn’t know which part. Is she surprised that he knows about her pregnancy, or did she not believe the jedi would have helped her? It does very little to matter.

They are gone.

He musters all his sympathy.

But everything falls away when a little mirialan youngling comes to him for comfort. The child is scared and unsure and does not want to frighten anyone else with his own fear. He wants to be strong for them, to help Obi-Wan and Firework in what way he can. He tells Obi-Wan this, staring up at him with dark eyes, green skin flush but determined and steadfast. Obi-Wan just stares, his eyes and gaze softening; everything about him tempering. Because at this point, he has no lost everything, not as of yet. He still has something to hold onto, something to live for, to love and cherish and protect. And he will, the jedi vows.

Obi-Wan’s resolve strengthens to near nothing he has felt before. It is invigorating somehow. His arms lose the ache of use to hold the child to his chest with warmth coursing through the surface of his skin. His heart intensifies, beating in time with the youngling’s own. He feels it, so does the child. They stare. The soreness in his legs cease significantly, as the will to lift him up continues to rise. He no longer feels the need to collapse, his legs no longer feel like they will collapse underneath him, unable to support his weight. Because now, he can support the weight of them all. He will continue

He will continue until he has nothing left. Until his bones crack and shatter, until he can physically no longer stand or sit or go gone. Until his heart gives out and his mind can take no more. Until he can no longer see with his eyes, see with his senses, see at all. Until he can no longer smell or taste or touch. Until he can no longer sense, danger, the force, the love and care that they have for him, and he has for them. Until his memory is long gone, and he cannot remember even how to breathe. Until he can no longer teach and protect and love. And then he will continue, beyond, still.

None of it mattered because he will continue, always, consistently, never with falter. There will be no giving up. If only for them. His love is not finite, and they will know it, he vows.

*

Somehow, someway, they end up in the medical facilities on Polis Massa as if they are meant to be there. Perhaps it was the senator’s droids that contact them, maybe it was the will of the force guiding them, perhaps it was even just plain coincidence. He does not know. But standing over her, surrounded by jedi survivors, jedi children, trying to keep her from dying, while holding her two bundles of light, he does not remember how they got here. And of course, as it all comes to be, he does not care much either.

They are beautiful.

And his jedi children, his strong and incredible jedi survivors, were trying so hard to keep Padme alive. They pull and pull, no matter how much she tries to withdraw. Obi-Wan does not know what she saw or what happened when she went after Anakin and confronted him, in any capacity. He cannot imagine that it had been good or productive, especially considering the state she is in and her lover’s absence. But she could not be so selfish to give up her life because of him, because of one man that gave up everything else in hatred and power, not when she had two innocent babies that needed her. He would not let her. She may not have cared for the genocide and murder of his people and his children, but Luke and Leia are two that are hers.

In the end, they do keep her alive but do not know when she will awaken. The doctors say she is exhausted and weak and needs a lot of time to regain her strength, if she is even capable of it at all. Obi-Wan nearly wonders why, a little, because how can she be so exhausted and weak, so ready to give up when she knows, when she knows that she has children depending on her. But, in the end, he supposes, it does not matter. What is done is done.

He gathers up his gaggle of younglings in his arms and praises them for their good work. He tells them how good jedi they are, and he is infinitely proud. He will always be infinitely proud. They beam and love and he just wants to bask in their light forever. After everything they had been through, the intense horror of their people’s genocide, they are still so light, so strong and so remarkable.

They are amazing.

Bail himself eventually makes his way to them soon after. From then on, it is just them who does most of the planning. Bail seems to be the Jedi’s nearly only ally as of currently, at this point. The war had done a number on them, the propaganda, even more so. But it is the new emperor’s statements and rise that really seals the jedi’s fate once and for all, at least, for now. They believe him, somehow. They all believe that the jedi are traitors, that they are evil, power hungry monsters. That their children deserved to be slaughtered in their beds. Never before has Obi-Wan wanted to truly commit to a move of sai tok on a person.

Ideas are bounced off between the two of them, as they search, as they plan. One thing is for sure – the Empire cannot continue to stand. They talk about what is next for them, for Obi-Wan and the younglings. Bail offers to take Padme, to their healers and doctors so she can rest and heal. For now, he can hide her away until she awakens and can make a choice on what she would like to do next. He offers to take Luke and Leia to raise as their own until Padme can do it herself and Obi-Wan hesitates.

It is not that he does not trust Bail, he thinks, especially after this, Bail is one of the few that he continues to trust, continues to in a galaxy where everything and everyone is against him and his people. He has no doubt that Bail and his beautiful wife would do a magnificent job raising children, even ones such as them. He knows Bail well and he has come to know Breha as well. They are quite wonderful people that he will continue to care for. But Luke and Leia are highly force sensitive. One could be hidden perhaps, quite easily even, but the two of them were bound to feed off one another’s emotions as they grew, eventually. They are twin suns.

In the end, somehow, he relents. They negotiate and compromise and once more, perhaps it helps that Bail can and is willing to hide all of them away. It helps that he is willing to hide them in the mysterious and remote mountains of his home planet, a place to treacherous to travel, it would be likely that only a jedi could really find passage. It may be right under the emperor’s nose but Obi-Wan has a feeling that this can work.

He is right.

It helps that Bail makes it clear that he will continue to help them.

They leave the medical facility quickly, in fear of who may chase after them, but their talks continue. He plans to start work in the senate, in the government, in the galaxy, immediately. He, Padme, and several others had already started a movement before this had happened, that could be turned into something of a rebellion. It would be slow coming, but it will come.

Bail nearly has a heart attack at the sight of Firework when he and Obi-Wan go into the ship with the younglings. He was nearly killed by clones when he had stopped at the Temple the first time, in the midst of the genocide. He was saved by a padawan. But after a conversation, it is agreed – there is something horribly wrong with the clones. No one is certain that what has happened to them is their fault. Bail promises them, he promises Firework, holding his hand to secure his words and his vow, to look into the issue. Perhaps kidnap a few to test and understand what can compel them to turn on the jedi. A few out of millions would hardly be amiss, Bail says. Little does Obi-Wan know at that point, Bail is already scheming to steal the 212th Attack Battalion back for him.

Breha is as kind and beautiful and strong and amazing as always. She is more determined and steadfast as ever in her support of Obi-Wan and his people and somehow, someway, has already started searches out for any surviving Jedi, to find them and bring them to their new home. He presents her the twins of Luke and Leia, and she tries not to fall in love with them immediately. She probably does not succeed, as Obi-Wan had not succeeded either.

She promises to do all the things Obi-Wan recommends when it comes to rearing the children so sensitive to the Force and tells him he can visit whenever he wants or needs. She even tells him she will bring him to their new home and place when he would request. She is willing to do virtually anything for the betterment of these children, Obi-Wan realizes and even questions about keeping them together and not with others of their kind. He offers her a few reading materials and some tips. She gives him the most secure comm link that is around for the two of them.

The trip to their mountain hideout is as treacherous and dangerous as Bail had warned him, but in the end, being a jedi was nearly the only way to get there without getting themselves killed. And Obi-Wan was right, it was the perfect place to hide away from the Empire. Alderaan itself might be close and suspicious in the Empire’s purview but not only was this place, carved deep into a mountain so remote and difficult to find, it hid them away, physically and spiritually.

It would need some cleaning up, but it was mostly untouched for however long it had been since the ancients had left it or died out. It was beautiful and although everyone is a little hesitant, he thinks and they think, they can somehow, someway, eventually call it home.

They stand in the grand fall after the third entrance, where the walls swallow and the ceiling reach high up, held together by study columns. They are all holding one another. The littlest ones in the adult’s arms and tucked against their chests, the others holding hands tightly, as if they release one another, they will disappear forever.

And then, it is just a lone jedi master, a single clone, and a gaggle of children.

And until the Empire was dead and gone, until the people in power no longer thought of his people as traitors, monsters, and evil ones, they are forced to run and hide.

[gffa]

The Rise of Kylo Ren #2 | The Last Jedi One of the most interesting moments from TRORK #2 is that Ben and Snoke are having a mental conversation while Luke is in the room and seems none the wiser for it, that it made me think of how everything Luke says in his depression funk about the Jedi Order isn’t really precisely about them, but about himself. Rian Johnson said this about Luke blaming the Jedi Order:       "Writing Luke… the first thing I had to figure out is, ‘Why is he on that island?’  That’s the first thing I had to crack.  He’s taken himself out of the fight, his friends are fighting and dying the good fight, and he’s sitting on an island, hiding.  So I had to come up with a reason he was there that was 1) active and 2) positive and 3) something that I could genuinely believe, I could think if I were in Luke’s shoes.  And the thing that I came to, the thing that seemed to make sense to me, the first thing I got to that I really believed in was this notion that he sees this hero worship of him and of the Jedi as something that is detrimental to the galaxy.        “That the universe has put its faith in this false god of the Jedi and they need to basically forget the religion so they can get back to God, so that light can rise from a worthier source.  And because he’s the last Jedi and a symbol of that it then becomes this self-sacrifice, he has take himself out of it, when he knows his friends are dying, when the thing he’d most like to do is get back in the fight.        "He’s taken the weight of the world on his shoulders, taken himself out of the equation, so that the Jedi can die out, so that light can rise from a worthier source.        "So, in his own way, similar to Kylo, he’s trying to disconnect, he’s trying to throw away the past, he’s saying 'Let’s kill religion.  It’s the thing that’s messing us up, thing thing right here, let’s kill it.’        "And the truth is, it’s a personal failure.  It’s not religion[’s fault], it’s his own human nature that’s betrayed him.”  –Rian Johnson The truth is, it’s a personal failure.  It’s not religion’s fault, it’s his own human nature that’s betrayed him. This, in addition to how everything Luke says in those scenes, “You think what? I'm gonna walk out with a laser sword and face down the whole First Order?” is exactly what he does at the end of the film, how he recognizes that he is not the last Jedi and the big huge point of that entire part of the movie was that, yes, the Jedi are a symbol of hope and light in the galaxy, a necessary and good one, which shows that the above scene in TLJ is set up precisely to be knocked down--including Luke’s depression, his blaming the Jedi Order, and his blaming of himself. Because, as we see in The Rise of Kylo Ren--that if the Jedi Order were really at fault for Anakin’s choices or the rise of Palpatine, then Luke is as well at fault, because he didn’t stop Snoke, he didn’t stop Palpatine, he was responsible for Ben’s training and didn’t stop the choices Ben made on his own. Given that George Lucas has often said that Star Wars is about choice, I don’t think the bigger narrative take-away should be that, oh, these other people are responsible for Anakin and Ben’s choices, especially when we see that they are trying to help and they’re giving good advice based on what information they have. We see the Jedi caring about Anakin and offering him help, we see Anakin turning away from that help because it’s not the magic answer he wanted.  We’re starting to see some of what made Ben turn, that he’s having these secret conversations with Snoke behind Luke’s back (which of course echo Anakin and Palpatine’s conversations, the dripping poison into his ear in the guise of a friendly mentor who just wants to help, but is instead telling them to embrace all these things that will lead to poison when left unchecked, as that’s how the Force works) and it’s hard to find the balance between respecting that other people need their boundaries, need to have a private space in their head, you have to trust them to make the right choices when you’ve offered to help, because you can’t forcibly pry them open and make them spill all their secrets, that only leads to resentment and distrust. Which gives TLJ a lot of important context (which was already there, but this deepens and furthers it) in that Luke’s words aren’t really about “my heroes were actually assholes” but instead that “I feel responsible for this thing and so I’m going to lash out at someone else, despite that I’m really lashing out at myself”. With this comic as an expansion on the above, Luke’s words take on a new context, that it’s about his own personal failings that are being cast onto the Jedi Order,  because Luke feels so horrible about all of this, he’s in such a bad place, that he’s nearly lost his compassion, nearly lost his empathy.  He behaves like a real asshole to Rey, furthering our understanding that this is an angry, bitter Luke who has stepped off the Jedi path of compassion and care for others.  It’s not gone, there’s something in him crying out to do the right thing again, depression trying to smother that spark, especially as anger is something he’s always struggled with (as all people do), from ANH to ESB to ROTJ to all the comics in between, Luke has struggled with this. What Luke is really saying is: “At the height of my powers, I allowed Snoke (and Sidious) to rise (again), create the First Order, and wipe my students out. I was a Jedi Master who was responsible for the training and creation of Kylo Ren.” Because he was literally right there in the room while Snoke was manipulating Ben and he feels like its his fault that he didn’t see it.  And depression becomes a hell of a drug once it gets its hooks into you and you can’t stop feeling like everything is your fault, your fault, your fault, even when we have to allow other people their agency to make their own choices, we can only provide support and the willingness to listen and help if they’re ready for it.  But depression brain lies and makes us think it’s all our fault.  /as someone who has dealt with depression brain pretty much all my life

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Anidala Week Day 2: Canon Divergence

(Canon Divergence is pretty much all I do. So here’s a thing loosely set in the universe I play around in anyway. :) )

To save the Republic(’s approval ratings), Anakin and Padme have to get married. 

Again.

“I’m not saying you have to.” 

Padme lifts an unimpressed eyebrow at her friend, crossing her arms. “But you’re saying we should.” 

“It wouldn’t hurt,” Bail shrugs. As head of the Chancellatory committee, he’s had a lot of work to do, and not much of it makes him popular with anyone. “You can’t argue that there’s been a lot of distrust between the people and the Jedi Order...and the Senate and the Jedi Order...and the Jedi Order and the Jedi Order. It would make them seem like they could be normal people.” 

“They’re not normal people,” Padme points out, taking a seat in Bail’s office. It feels strange to be able to move around again without feeling like there are two bowling balls in her stomach. Though she misses her babies terribly when she’s not with them at home, she’s glad for the freedom that not being pregnant gives her. “They’re Jedi. That’s always been the point.” 

“A point that isn’t working anymore,” Bail tells her. “Obi-Wan being on the committee is a good start for repairing relations between the Jedi and the Senate, but a public display would make a bigger impression on the people of the Republic.” 

“Bail, Anakin and I are already married,” Padme argues. “We’ve been married for years, and now we’re parents, and Anakin is still recovering from that fight with Palpetine. Between those things and my work, we don’t have the time.” 

“So hire a wedding planner,” Bail shrugs. “Look, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from being married to the Queen of Alderaan, it’s that sometimes you do stupid, ridiculous things to make your people happy.” 

“And you think that the stupid, ridiculous thing that I should do is have a very large, very expensive, very public wedding to the man I’m already married to, to show the people of the Republic that we’re all playing nice together,” Padme surmises. 

“Exactly.” Bail sighs softly. “You’ve already had the intimate wedding you wanted to have.” 

Padme huffs to herself. It hadn’t quite been what she’d always dreamed of, but…

“And the Senate and Jedi approval ratings are quite literally circling the drain,” Bail goes on. “If we’re not careful, all of us will lose our upcoming elections, which means that all the work we’ve done here so far has the potential to be completely undone. And a vote to remove the Jedi from government oversight wouldn’t be far behind, which means they would lose government support and funding. We have to at least try to give the people some sort of hope. Some sort of positive display that will restore their faith in the idea that we can all work together to clean up this terrible mess. And yes, a wedding is hokey. It’s obvious, it’s clearly a ploy. But it will be a popular ploy. Anakin is the most successful Jedi General of the Clone Wars; he rooted out the Sith Lord in our midst, and you are one of the most popular Senators among us. The people adore you. This is a PR goldmine.” 

“It’s my life,” Padme reminds him. “One that, up until a month ago, was very private.” 

“Well, you’re our only choice,” Bail says, sympathetically. “I’d ask Obi-Wan, but Jinn is already a year old, and no one likes Satine. Hell, they don’t even like Obi-Wan anymore, now that he’s on the committee instead of leading an army.” 

“Not that he cares, which he shouldn’t,” Padme mutters. “He’s here to advise us. Not win popularity contests.” 

“We work in politics, remember? It’s all a popularity contest.” 

Padme sighs heavily. “So. I’m getting married. Again.” 

Bail smiles at her. “Congratulations.” 

***** 

Anakin is visibly confused when she gets home that night. “What was wrong with our wedding?” 

“Nothing,” Padme tells him quickly, taking his hands. “Our wedding was wonderful and beautiful. I got to wear my dream dress and you were so handsome, and sweet, and it was just for us. But…” 

Anakin waits for her, still frowning. “But?” 

“But...this...isn’t about us,” Padme goes on. “This is about restoring the faith of the people of the Republic. Of showing them that there is unity between the Senate and the Jedi.” 

“There isn’t,” Anakin points out. “In fact, all there has been is finger pointing over who missed what sign that things were terrible. Mace got angry. I’ve never seen Mace angry. I thought he was going to slice off the heads of the entire committee. Including Obi-Wan.” 

“Well, that was a bad day at work.” 

“Angel, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they’ve all been bad days at work.” 

“Which is why we need to do this.” 

Anakin sighs softly. “So you want us to get married again. In front of the entire galaxy.” 

“It’ll be fun,” Padme insists. “We’ll get dressed up, we’ll eat cake...and we only got one night of a honeymoon, maybe we could take longer this time.” 

“Between twin infants and your work schedule?” 

“Why are you making this difficult?” Padme asks, starting to lose her patience. 

Anakin pauses for a moment before speaking up. “Because our wedding, however small...however brief, was special to me. It was the most important day of my life, right along with the day the kids were born. I don’t need or want a do-over.”

Her heart melts as she sees the sincerity in his eyes. “Oh, Ani.” 

He takes a breath and grins sheepishly. “Alright. Okay. If us re-getting-married is going to be the thing that unites everyone and brings peace to the galaxy, who am I to argue?” A rush of relief washes over her as she throws her arms around him. “Thank you. I promise I will make this as painless as possible.” ***** It is not painless. It is weeks of planning. Robe and gown fittings. Of tastings and flower arrangements and guest lists. “Well, the Council has agreed to come.” Anakin blinks owlishly. Padme sighs, a touch exasperated. “Ani, the entire point of this is to show unity between the Jedi and the Senate. I spoke with the Council last week, and they’ve agreed that they, along with other key members of the order will be there.” Anakin shakes his head as he changes Luke’s diaper, playing with his son’s feet absently. “Whatever you say, Angel.” “I know your relationship with them is a little strained…” “Yes.” Padme deflates a little, knowing that it’s taken a long time for Anakin to heal from his fight with Sidious, and that the Council nearly threw him out of the order anyway, for his marriage and children. “I should have spoken to you about this first. I thought you knew.” “It’s fine,” Anakin tells her. He takes a deep breath and turns to her. “After all, this isn't for us. This is for the Galaxy, right?” She nods, pursing her lips, and staying quiet. “And as long as I get to have Rex and the 501st there, it’s fine,” he says. It’s Padme’s turn to blink owlishly. “...Oh.” Anakin narrows his eyes. “You did invite my men to our wedding, didn’t you?” “I...may have...forgotten?” Before he can get truly upset, she holds up her hands. “I will fix this, right away, I promise, Anakin.” As she rushes out the door, she hears him call back “Invite the 212th, too!” Padme closes her eyes and takes a deep, cleansing breath. Between her work schedule, and this wedding planning, and trying to fit in Anakin and their children, her life has been a mess. Her husband has been a complete saint through most of this, taking care of the children, and putting quite a few of his Jedi responsibilities on hold, it’s hard to be mad at him when he acts like a bantha brain. But she will be completely glad when this is all over. ***** The day arrives without much fanfare. Since the ceremony is at night, (Mace Windu had been adamant about “On the steps of the Temple. The Senate needs to show it’s willing to actually meet the Jedi halfway, since we’re always coming to you.”), they have time for a quiet morning together. Padme feeds the twins as Anakin makes them breakfast, and she sighs contentedly as she listens to the nuna bacon fry under Anakin’s soft humming. “I want this forever,” she says wistfully, as she cuddles Leia. Anakin turns to her, cracking a grin. “Good thing we’re already married.” ***** It goes by much quicker than Padme had thought it would. Jar Jar performs the ceremony, which is strange, but it feels fitting, since he was there when they first met as children, and before they know it, he’s saying “I’sa now pronouncin’ you, husband and wife! Kiss her, Ani!” And Anakin does, tugging her close and kissing her eagerly, as if he’s been waiting to do this in front of the Senate and the Council and the Galaxy for years. He probably has, Padme thinks as she wraps her around around his neck, smiling against his lips. ***** The reception is enormous, and loud, and busy, and Padme is being pulled in all different directions, to be congratulated and kissed on the cheek and hugged, and the longer the party goes on, the drunker everyone seems to get. She knows she should be having a good time, but mostly, she wishes that she could have gone with Dorme and the twins back to their apartment. She would love to get out of this tight gown and rock her babies to sleep and then get a little work down before curling up with Anakin in bed. Padme supposes that she can do that tomorrow night. It takes her a while to find Anakin. They keep getting separated in all of the chaotic revelry, but she eventually finds him at a corner table with Rex, Ahsoka, Obi-Wan, Satine and Cody, watching all the party while nursing a drink. He beams at her when he sees her and when she gets close enough, he takes her hand and gently pulls her down onto his lap. “There you are.” Padme wraps her arms around his neck and instantly relaxes, surrounded by the people she knows well, a port in a storm. “I was busy making the rounds. Which you should be doing.” “Eh. Everybody knows where I am,” he shrugs, grinning at her. “Besides, nobody cares about the groom at a wedding. It’s all about the bride.” “I’d say congratulations, but since you’ve been married for years, it feels a bit silly,” Satine teases. “You said it,” Ahsoka pipes up. “I should have been in on that particular secret, by the way.” “No one was in on it,” Obi-Wan grouses. ‘Not even I knew.” “Er,” Rex says awkwardly. “Rex knew?!” Ahsoka cries. “Rex knew and I didn’t?!” “He didn’t know we were married,” Anakin snaps. “Just that we were together. And...talking regularly over holo comm during the war. That’s all.” “That’s all,” Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. “How are you any better?” Anakin asks, bewildered. “Jinn is a year older than the twins. I had no idea you and Satine were still seeing each other. You hid your baby from me, Ahsoka, and the Council for an entire year.” “We were at war!” “Hey, no fighting,” Ahsoka cuts in. “We don’t fight at weddings.” “We were already married,” Anakin points out. “And our first wedding was better.” Padme smiles and kisses Anakin’s temple. ***** When they finally make it home, it’s incredibly late. Anakin goes to check on the twins, who are fast asleep, and Padme closes the door to the guest room that Dorme is sleeping in, so as not to disturb her. She sighs softly and turns to Anakin, taking his hands. “Thank you, Ani. I know this wasn’t really what you wanted. But I appreciate that you went through with it.” “Well, now that it’s over, we can get back to some semblance of normalcy,” he says, kissing the top of her head. “Maybe we could take the twins to the park tomorrow.” She smiles and closes her eyes, pulling him close. “Yes. Let’s do that.”

[buddiebeginz]

My THOUGHTS on Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker SPOILER REVIEW Tessa Netting

I agreed with so much in this video I needed to put down some quotes:

Adam Driver is perfection. The way he acted differently and made us understand and love Ben Solo without saying a single word is incredible. I love that all it took was for Ben Solo to hear that he was loved. Leia calling out to him. Rey telling him that she wanted to take his hand, Ben’s hand. And Han forgiving him and telling him to come back home. Ben Solo running into battle in order to save the woman he loves in his good boy sweater with just a blaster is the most Han Solo shit. 

I love that Reylo is canon. I can’t believe that my crack ship from Force Awakens is canon. What universe is this? God bless.

I love their kiss. I love Ben’s little smile after the kiss.

The lightsaber battles in the sequel trilogy are so much better than any other lightsaber battle.

----

Rey being a Palpatine makes it feel like according to Star Wars women can only be powerful if they’re related to a powerful man. Rey Nobody is a superior Rey. I hate that Luke and Leia knew that Rey was a Palpatine this whole time and were like fine with training her but then they gave up on Ben. You’re telling me that Luke and Leia had more faith in the granddaughter of Palpatine then their own son/nephew. I refuse to believe this. 

Rey should not in anyway feel grateful for being abandoned.

I hate that Kylo fixed his helmet. I couldn’t see Adam Driver’s face and I felt like it was a step backwards in Kylo and Rey’s relationship.

I hate that they didn’t show us the vision of Kylo and Dark Rey on the throne.

I hate that all the Jedi’s were calling out to Rey when Ben was just like in the pit. Like Anakin talk to your grandson.

I hate that Rey and Ben didn’t team up and kill Palpatine together. When they both lifted their blue lightsabers, I was like oh shit here it comes. And then nothing? They just got defeated immediately. And Ben just got thrown into a pit. Why didn’t Rey and Ben the literal “Last Skywalker” rise together. Rise Skywalker. And instead of Rey crossing both lightsabers Rey and Ben cross their lightsabers like they’ve been doing in every single promo image. You think that they’re against each other but them actually crossing their lightsabers in unity.

I hate that Ben didn’t get to say anything to Rey after he was redeemed. He literally had no lines after becoming Ben Solo. He could have at least said be with me when he was putting his life force into her.

I also hate that Rey had no reaction to Ben dying. No one honors him. No one remembers him. No one like even mentions that he died. There is no acknowledgment of his death. Darth Vader got a funeral Ben Solo gets nothing.

I hate that Ben didn’t kill his fellow students at Luke’s Jedi’ academy but you wouldn’t know that unless you read a comic book.

I hate that Rose was completely screwed over, ignored, and written out of this movie.

I hate that Finnpoe was not endgame. I hate that Finn just like screamed after Rey this whole movie. It’s like they erased his whole arc and personality. Finn Rey is busy go talk to your husband.

I hate that Rey’s hair was in buns again.

I hate that this movie felt like two movies crammed into one.

I hate the ending. Rey is not a Skywalker. Why does she say Rey Skywalker?  Why not anything else?  Why not Rey Solo? Han was like a father to her, Leia was her master, Ben was her soulmate. The whole Solo family meant so much to her, so much more than Luke. Or even better just answer Rey. Just Rey.

I hate that at the end of the Skywalker saga all the Skywalkers are dead. Where is the hope? Why am I so sad? I shouldn’t feel sad. This should be like a culmination, a conclusion. And I just hate that this is the last movie. The story doesn’t feel complete for some reason. This doesn’t feel like the end.

I wanted Ben to be redeemed earlier in the movie so that we could have more time with Ben Solo.

I wanted a Ben and Anakin moment.

I wanted Ben Solo to pilot the Millennium Falcon.

I wanted Rey and Ben to have a happy ending.

Ben Solo was named after Leia’s only hope. In TLJ Rey said that Ben Solo was their only hope. Ben Solo is hope. Without that hope like what was the point? Also why does redemption have to equal death? I want to see forgiveness and atonement. Ben over coming his past and making up for it the rest of his life. Seeing him actively make the galaxy better. And love being strong enough save him.

There are so many people that relate to Ben’s story and if you’re feeling like really heartbroken about how he ended up I want you to know that you are worth loving and worth saving. 

[nny11writes]

For the fun author ask!:) Ahsoka let herself become numb. She turned her face to stare up at the Council, and for the first time wondered who had actually been on her side. From the split Council to the split jury. Her mind quiets and Ahsoka simply stares blankly instead of seeing. A split vote meant very little right now. Not when her own Master is sitting right up there and for all his insistence that he wanted to help her, for all he professed his love in his own way, her Master stays silent.

HHoooooooooooooooooo boy, you just dove right on in! :D A’ight, here we go on the sentencing scene from The Apprenticeship from the Close But No Cigar AU. 

Commentary will be in bold!

Ahsoka let herself become numb. 

For the first time ever in her life, Ahsoka Tano has given up.

She has dissociated before and is actually grateful for it now, happily surrendering to it because she can’t take anymore.

She turned her face to stare up at the Council, and for the first time wondered who had actually been on her side. From the split Council to the split jury. 

In this fic, even though Ahsoka already knew that it was split she’d never really given it thought to figure out who was in her corner. She had made a LOT of assumptions by this point and they’re all getting knocked down one by one.

Which is unfortunate because Ahsoka doesn’t actually know what happened. Over the years both Ahsoka and Yoda have made mistakes and withdrawn from one another. Yoda may have slammed the wedge between them, but Ahsoka keeps pounding it deeper and deeper.

Her mind quiets and Ahsoka simply stares blankly instead of seeing. A split vote meant very little right now.

She’s not wrong and that’s the thing that’s crazy. A split decision means nothing because it wouldn’t have mattered if the Jedi or Republic found her innocent. Palpatine wanted her gone and he needed to sow distrust for the Jedi, he would have twisted those decisions regardless. But by having it Ahsoka can jump wildly to conclusions.

Not when her own Master is sitting right up there and for all his insistence that he wanted to help her, for all he professed his love in his own way, her Master stays silent.

This is one of the most poignant moments in the whole story.

At the end of the day, this story in particular is about the familial relationship between Ahsoka and everyone else, but in particular to Master Yoda.

It’s wonderful that in canon Ahsoka doesn’t vilify Anakin for his role in her trials, even though he’d been helping to search for her. It’s also just...not the way I think that would’ve actually happened.

Master-Padawan relationships are deep and close and loving and complicated and messy and beautiful and life long. Ahsoka and Yoda are no exception.

But they were wildly different people with different ways of showing their love and care.

I’ve talked about this before, but I love Yoda. He’s a fantastic character and I think he’s a good person too. But being a good person does not mean you are always good. As such he’s written in a way that leaves his true motives unknown to Ahsoka and to the readers, and that was by design. I wanted everyone to be questioning what his role in this whole mess had really been, not just the trial but their apprenticeship.

Ahsoka can’t know that right now Yoda is literally thinking about jail breaking her out of this situation to run away as vagabonds. She doesn’t know that he genuinely regrets what he did to her, or that this whole situation has literally turned his world upside down.

This was, in part, meant to echo the earlier sentiment of “who was really in my corner”. When the Jedi trial happened, Yoda was not on her side BECAUSE of his bias towards her. Ever since then he has been. He’s been actively giving Obi-Wan, Qui Gon, and Anakin resources to find any evidence they can. He’s been staying up at night meditating by himself and with Mace to try and find a lead or an answer. He’s slept almost as little as she has, sick to death with fear and worry and the dawning realization that this whole karked up situation is his fault.

But Ahsoka doesn’t know that.

So right here? This is where Ahsoka really truly gives up on him too. Believes that there is nothing to salvage, nothing worthwhile or good left. That it was something of a farce the whole time.

And she’ll believe that for the next decade at least.

Master Yoda had once sat with her during a meditation, explaining through impressions and even some vague memories on how she should let the Force guide her. That she was not more important or all knowing, that she needed to have faith that it would do what was needed. Knowing when to speak up and knowing when to be silent, and always, always listening to the will of the Force.

BONUS TIME

Because this is where I dove into some of what I just talked about. This is Yoda’s known tried and true method, and he used it now as well. Right at this moment he is silent because speaking up would do nothing but hurt them all further and make the situation worse.

I know that this is an unpopular opinion with many fans, but the Order actually handled what happened in canon to the best of their ability. Anakin gets away with ignoring the reality of the galaxy because people like the Council take the hit for him over and over again. They could not have done anything to help her without having destroyed themselves.

Yes, even banning Ahsoka from the Order. Their hands were tied and they could not give up the life of every other Jedi for Ahsoka Tano, no matter how unjust and unfair her situation was.

In canon I don’t think Palpatine had a hand in the bombing at all, but he certainly used it to push his own agenda hard enough so the Jedi would lose and he would win.

Ahsoka hoped that he could sense something she could not. She hoped that it had nothing to do with letting this injustice stand. She hoped that he would fight.

Yoda stood, his gaze catching hers for a moment, his ears drooping, and was gone.

Again, Ahsoka has no way of knowing that Yoda isn’t abandoning her here. She’s exhausted and currently isn’t existing within her own body and mind. Her hope in this moment is the weakest hope she’s ever had. Hope with dread that she already knows what will happen.

The great tragedy of Star Wars, in my opinion, is that so many people who are so full of love never fully express it to one another. That miscommunication and misunderstanding around love is what tears some of it’s kindest people down and turns them into cold villainous people.

And it was not by happenstance that I made this particular scene go like this.

In this AU, Palpatine is still not directly responsible for the bombing, but he’s more aware of the players because he’s been trying to get rid of Tano for years at this point.

Palpatine’s plan involved him knowing about Barriss and Kalifa going to anti-Jedi rallies, but Barriss turned aside and Kalifa doubled down thanks to her trauma. Palpatine has tried for a long while now to have Ahsoka fall because of her high status and public persona, and he was hoping that if she fell he could make a case against Yoda who’s apprentices turn dark and attack the Republic. How do we know that Yoda has not done this on purpose? He wishes to destroy the Republic and install the Jedi as a military dictatorship!

(The worst part is, Ahsoka is on a knifes edge here, closer than any of them really realize to going either way. This is actually a moment I’ve considered writing an AU for, because this could be the moment this Ahsoka becomes a Sith.)

Palpatine doesn’t know who the chosen one is but he will settle for Ahsoka or Kalifa as a throw away apprentice or inquisitor while he waits. So he pits them against one another and puts himself into a win win scenario, no matter what happens he will be rid Tano as an obstacle and have her as a tool to destroy Yoda and the Order by extension.

His direct involvement makes the Force a chaotic mess, which hamstrings Yoda who is crystallized in his ways, which pushes Tano ever closer to one of two instabilities in Palpatine’s mind.

Any way it gets sliced, he’s revealed the cracks in their foundation and let Yoda and Ahsoka destroy what they had themselves.

[eleniel-starlight]

Dream State

Chapter Name; A New Journey

Summary; A former Jedi Master is found in a ruined city, on a fallen planet. The Empire has taken over, and won their war, but some still rage in their dying light. Some, like our Jedi, just need a show of kindness to realize their place. 

Author’s Note; This took me WAY too long and I am so so so sorry but it has been a wild ride with my laptop being left behind in Phoenix, to it just not working in general, and I am done with excuses because from now on I will have a steady update schedule that I will hold myself to, and this time I will finish I promise.

Word Count; a measly 2,098

The Empire had taken everything that they could. Every system willing, and those unwilling, for it’s expanding power and wealth, and there were none to stop them. With all the Jedi either dead or in hiding, never to return, and the Clone Army having betrayed the Republic, there was nowhere to run. The Siege of Mandalore had been a deep seeded, planned take over, with Palpatine at the head of the Order. 

Jedi Master Lo’ri often spent her days sifting through the ruins of the planet Mandalore, one that she had once fought for during the final days of the Republic. The planets that had fallen in the takeover. Mandalore, Onnderon, even Florrum; while Hondo Ohnaka had once held her captive, he had also provided aid when she had even lost faith in the Council. But it was all gone now. Hondo had gone into hiding, as pirates often do when the situation becomes too dire; not even the scent of a Jedi could bring him from his hole, wherever that might be. 

She was out of a friend, in such a difficult time. She was a Jedi, trusting anyone was a risk. The Empire had it out for her head, Vader had killed one of her best friends and sent the other to a planet so remote that even she had refused to follow him, and destroyed the Order that she had devoted so much of her life to, and now here she was, a bounty hunter for hire, flying just under the radar of the Empire as someone who had simply acquired her lightsabers from the body of a Togruta Jedi. 

Though such a lie was not easy to pass to former Jedi Knight, Cere Junda. A Knight that had served in the Republic would not be so easily fooled, even cut off from the Force Cere could sense the immense aura of the Force surrounding the planet of Mandalore. 

The Mantis landed on the ruined city of Keldabi of Mandalore, and Cere set off in search of one more Jedi before venturing to Bracca for the final Jedi, a Padawan by the name of Cal Kestis. 

Mandalore’s history was one of war and death, a war that had been fought and lost by the Jedi just over twenty years before the fall of the Republic. The Jedi Master located on Mandalore was once a member of the Jedi by birth, and the fastest learner that the Jedi had seen in quite some time. Before the fall, word about the Temple had been that Master Lo’ri had been as skilled a Force-user as Anakin Skywalker, but even now Cere was unsure if she had truly survived the Siege of Mandalore. The fall of the Republic had taken it’s toll on everybody, and whether or not Lo’ri had driven herself mad from the lonliness was unknown.

Keldabi had once housed the leaders of Old Mandalore, those of the people that had embraced conflict rather than having turned a blind eye to the concept. It made sense that a former Jedi would dwell on her past in a place like Keldabi, the perfect remnant, and the perfect hiding spot. Sundari was still inhabited by those left that supported the Empire. 

Lo’ri had holed up in the old throne room, a place full of sun and warmth, a place for her to meditate. This was where Cere found her, on her knees, eyes closed in concentration as the Force radiated about her. It had a depth, a swarm of its own, the deeper into the well within her that she dwelled. It overwhelmed Cere and threatened to bridge the divide that she had tried so hard to sever between her and the Force. Long black hair flowed down her back, unkempt and knotted with different vines that laid coated with pink flowers. Her cloak and lightsaber laid to the left of her, bare for all to see. 

Confident in her abilities, then. Cere thought to herself. 

“No, but I haven’t seen another life form capable of conversation in the area since the Siege.” Her voice was weak and scratchy, and Cere was unsure that she’d actually heard the young woman say anything until Lo’ri stood, allowing the true length of her hair to fall from where it had once rested on her shoulders. The length fell to below her knees, and swept behind her as the former Jedi stalked forward. Cere kept her guard down, so as not to set Thestra on edge. She desperately needed the woman on her side if Cal was not to come. Though she suspected that both would be needed for the journey ahead. 

“Now what is it you’ve come to ask of me, Junda?” Thestra moved forward in a slow manner, an animal stalking possible prey. “The Order has been destroyed, and you come in their stead, but I cannot see why.”

Cere bristled at the sheer unbridled ability that rolled from the woman’s aura, but she pushed onward with her mission. “The Force can be cryptic in what it allows you to see. My friend, Greez, and I, are in search of Jedi for a task that I cannot complete on my own.” 

“And what task would that be? To aid you in fighting the Empire? Fight against Vader?” Her already broken voice tapered off in a tone of sadness. 

“If need be, yes.”

“No. Vader stopped being my problem after the Siege. He was gone well before the battle even begun. Now leave me, before I decide that you are my enemy,” Lo’ri turned and began to stroll back to her meditation spot, but Cere had other plans. 

“I need you, if you will not come, then…” Her face fell. “Then we have no chance to defeat the Empire,” she finished. But Lo’ri did not seem to care. She returned to the position she had been found in, on her knees, hands positioned just above her thighs. Her hair was now splayed about the ground around her, as opposed to the resting spot it had occupied when Cere had arrived. The former Jedi moved forward. “Please, you have to help me.”

“Why can’t you help yourself, hm?” Cere was in front of Thestra. The woman’s eyes opened, and Cere could see deep into the violet that was her irises, a colour Cere had never seen before. The dead look inside of her didn’t change the iridescence of her irises. The older woman stood in shock for only a moment, though. 

“I need someone more in tune with the Force than I am. If you don’t turn out to be who I thought, well, then Greez and I will bring you back here.”

Lo’ri shook her head, an incredulous look on her face, raising the ends of her lips upward in a humorous smile. “Not good enough, Junda.”

Cere was exasperated. “Well then what do you want?” 

“To be left alone as I had been!” Thestra was on her feet, menacing as she pushed Cere back with the Force, all the while her eyes grew brighter and brighter, as though something were about to boil over. 

“Master Lo’ri, please, calm down!” 

Lo’ri’s lip curled upward in a snarl, as something inside of her snapped. The Force oozed from every node in her body, a malice that seeped into each corner of the throne room. The immense exertion was a result of the burrowing that Thestra had been attempting before Cere had arrived, and nearly depleted the Force that was left, welled inside of her. It was a display of power, of the ability and will that she carried. Cere gave a soft smile of sympathy as Thestra collapsed to the ground shaking; the woman followed after to kneel. 

“Help me, Lo’ri. And we can repair the damage Vader has done to the galaxy, to us.”

“I don’t want revenge,” her already weak voice was cracking with each word, tears were beginning to stream down her face and fall to the stone below. “I just want my friends back.”

Cere felt her stomach twist at the broken words falling from the Master’s lips. 

“I can’t give you your friends back, I can only offer you a chance to make new ones. A new family.” Lo’ri shook her head as she fell back to sit on her bottom. Sorrow filled her expression, and fueled the shaking in her hands as Cere took them in her own. “The Jedi were my family, too. We have an opportunity and I need all the help I can get.” 

The raven haired woman opened her violet eyes to Cere’s amber ones, and saw a glimmer of hope for herself. A chance to rise out of her wallow and avenge her family. Her heart pounded in its cage, driving her upwards and Cere with her. 

“What is your opportunity?”

Greez had the most issues with Lo’ri coming aboard his ship. She found it odd that, for such a small Latero, he was very loud and proud about the cleanliness of his ship, the Mantis. Clean as it was, Lo’ri found it difficult to view the plant life that Greez Dritus kept behind glass. Her homeworld was a place where plant life was allowed to roam free, and the population was lucky that, through the will of the Force, they were allowed a home. 

Greez disagreed with this philosophy heavily, and immediately ordered Thestra to brush and braid her hair. 

“Preferably outside of my ship, you have no idea how hard it is to sweep dirt off of this floor.” He then shambled off to look at his empty plant casing. 

“Greez, come on, you know I don’t have any idea how to work with hair like this, why can’t you do it?” Lo’ri stared at Cere in confusion as the woman winked at her with a smile. Greez groaned loudly. 

“You know what? You’re right! If I want anything on this ship done, I have to do it myself! Come here, whatever your name is. I’ve got a brush around her somewhere.” Greez went about the ship on his little legs, searching through the things that he had once had so neatly tucked away in search of a brush, or maybe even a pick, that would be able to work it’s way through the wild rats nest that was Lo’ri’s hair. While he searched, Lo’ri began to work up the voice, and the nerve, to tell the Latero male what her name was. 

Once he’d found a brush and pick that he believed would serve his purpose, Greez ushered the woman out onto the landing pad of Keldabi and began to pick through the flowers that had taken root. As the time wore on, Greez was obviously becoming impatient, so the woman decided to speak. 

“My name is Thestra.” She rasped. Greez made a grunting noise and continued to pick through her hair, nearly done with the largest tangles. He pulled exceptionally hard on the center tangle, causing Thestra to yelp in pain; her body pushed her into a forward roll, landing facing Greez, one hand in front and the other protecting her backside. Her muscles were tense and many ached from her lack of time in combat over the last decade. Greez just watched with a tired look in his eyes, as though this had happened to him before. 

“Come here, Thestra, I didn’t mean it,” the woman let a deep breath out, and fell out of her fighting stance. She allowed Greez to tug on the rest of her tangles without any protest or trigger, and when he was finished, she hadn’t even noticed that the Latero had taken the time to braid her hair in an intricate manner, letting the length fall into a soft knot that formed at the end of the braid. When she stood, her hair fell to just above her knee as opposed to past the bone, and the flowers that had once been seen at odd placements in her unkempt hair were now seen at perfectly spaced intervals within the braid. Greez smiled to himself with pride as Thestra marveled at the beauty. 

“Thank you,” she muttered. Greez shook his head. 

“No need, little lady,” he grunted as he shuffled up the ramp and back into his ship. Thestra turned to take one last look at the ruins of Keldabi, her home for the past ten years, and boarded the Mantis for a journey that she was still unsure about embarking on. 

[galaxysedginess]

Conversations in a Quiet Room- Chapter 2

In a universe where everything is the same except Satine survives the Clone Wars and bears witness to the fall of the Republic.

Characters: Satine Kryze, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Bo-Katan Kryze, Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader, Padmé Amidala

Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Bo-Katan Kryze & Satine Kryze

Tags: Satine Kryze Lives, Post-Order 66, Reunions, Return to Mandalore, Fall of the Republic, Heart-to-Heart, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, The Twins Are Safe

Rating: G

Read on AO3:

Chapter 2: Saying the Word

20 years too late, Satine finally breaks the stalemate.

That night, much like all the others, was impossible to sleep through.

On top of there being far too much to do to prepare for the plan she and Bo-Katan had ultimately decided was most effective, her head was swimming with agonizing bouts of anger- no, sadness- or was it fear? She hadn't even realized how lost she was to the throws of despair until droplets began to stain the parchment she'd been using to keep record of her plans. And for what? Sitting at her desk and crying about it certainly wasn't going to save her people or bring friends back from the dead or pry the fate of the galaxy from a dictator's hands.

She ran a hand through the blonde ringlets that were unceremoniously hanging just above her shoulders. No headdress or hairpins or clips to dress it up in any fashion. The moment didn't call for any glamor for there was nothing glamorous about anxiety.

No, she had to believe that Mandalore would prevail. It managed to thrive in spite of its planets being 'unlivable' on some standards. It banded together as a collective in times of strife for thousands of years and continuously adapted. It picked itself up after a horrific civil war and dragged itself into a new age under the tutelage of an inexperienced leader with little more than hopes and dreams at her arsenal. And it would survive this.

She pushed her chair away from her desk, determined to use this spark of faith to warm her through the night. She gazed out her window reverently and took a moment to appreciate the Sundari skyline. She wondered what the Empire would change- who would they exploit. Invasion rarely came without the prospect of exploitation, particularly since they recently showed her they were fond of genocide. One of the Republic's last acts was to technically invade Mandalore- though that was at the deliberate demand of Bo-Katan, who knew it was the only way to drive Maul off planet.

It was one of the moments that defined Satine's choice to pass the mantle over to Bo. She made a call that Satine might have never made and it saved countless lives. Tomorrow morning, she would be the new Duchess of Mandalore and the Empire would have her to deal with. It was poetic justice in a sense, because Satine reasoned that they were getting the scrappier of the Kryze sisters. They just didn't know it yet. She would play her part and build Mandalore up in the shadows- a place her people had been for far too long. They would think Bo stole it all and that Satine was weak, but anything to elevate them to the best possible outcome.

A strange ship entered the biosphere and Satine felt something within her seize up.

Had they come?

"Don't be ridiculous, they wouldn't just send one ship." She thought. "And certainly not of Alderaanian make."

She did her best to quell any nerves that crept up on her. The ship had landed on one of the royal landing pads.

They'd announced Obi-Wan's death on the holonet earlier that afternoon. It happened on Utapau weeks prior, just a mere minute after the cursed order had been given. He was shot from behind by Commander Cody, who Satine remembered. She met this man. She shook his hand after being introduced by Obi-Wan. They seemed to be friends on and off the battlefield.

And he shot him in the back. Obi-Wan fell into the water below and never resurfaced.

How had they phrased it? Oh, he was apparently "fleeing arrest", which couldn't have possibly sounded less like Obi-Wan.

Anakin's death was announced shortly after, evidently a casualty of the initial burning of the Jedi temple. Ahsoka's lightsabers had been recovered, but no trace of her. She was no longer a part of the order, so Satine absently wondered if they'd look for her with less scrutiny.

She was only a child.

Satine was convinced that none of this information fully resonated with her just yet. She was in a meeting when it had blasted across the screens without warning. Before she could even have the opportunity to turn it off, there was Obi-Wan's handsome face staring back at her with the confirmation that he'd been accounted for. The room was silent after the message ended and her entire round table looked to her, waiting, gaging, trying to see what she required of them. Because what does one say when the murder of a close friend was announced in the middle of a budget meeting?

Satine went with, "And as for the transportation tax..."

Business, as usual.

She would deal with it. She'd have to. It seemed after this transition of power settled in, she would have bounties of time to come to terms with the loss of her... Obi-Wan. His place in her world was never clear, but his place in her heart was extensive and for that, she would have no choice but to mourn him and the piece of herself that laid dormant for too long... Reignited only by his tendency to boomerang back to her whether by his own volition or not. She'd taken care to never pine for him in the years they'd been apart, because Satine Kryze does not pine and certainly not for someone that was always just out of her reach. She'd even had the occasional suitor here or there, but she'd be a liar to say anyone truly inspired her the way he had.

Thinking of him in past tense cracked something hollow within her, especially when he felt so present.

The doors behind her swished open swiftly and she had half a mind to snap at one of her attendants for their lack of courtesy. How dare they interrupt her pity party! She thought better of it, of course, and waited for whatever news they had for her.

"Hello, there."

She whipped around to prove that no, her ears were not deceiving her, because leaning against her doorframe like he'd always belonged there was one disheveled and battle-worn Obi-Wan Kenobi. For a woman that rarely had the breath stolen from her, she gasped. A swell of emotions overtook her- the first of which was notably relief, followed by confusion and anger, of course there was anger. She could not decide whether she wanted to run into his arms or smack that ridiculous beard off of his cocksure face.

That anger seemed to boil to the top of her priority list, forming from an intense manifestation of the fear and anxiety that had riddled her for the past few weeks- all coming to fruition towards him whether it was fair or not. She'd thought he was dead! He let her believe he was dead for nearly a month! And the best he can do is appear without warning in her room, with a stupid smirk on his face?

Oh, she had words. Words were her fire and now that she had the affirmation that he was somehow alive, she was going to use them, dammit. She stormed towards him, a finger outstretched and ready to point at him for emphasis.

"Why, you-" They died on her tongue the second she got a better view of him and could see how ragged he truly looked. He looked like he hadn't slept in ages with dark circles under his eyes, a definitive slouch in his stance which offset his usual air of perpetual confidence, and an overall weary look in his eyes. His tunic appeared to be singed and marred with ash. That very same ash speckled across his beard and on his boots. On top of that, he seemed to have a slight limp as he was clearly favoring one leg over the other.

Overall, he looked like a broken man. And for as stressful as these past few weeks had been for her, her chest felt like it could concave at the thought of what he'd been through; what he'd lost.

Still, the only thing Satine could seem to say was, "You look dreadful!"

"And you as lovely as ever." Such sentiments used to make her blush across the campfire what felt like ages ago, but not now. "I do apologize for any worry I might have caused you. I was slightly tied up."

His casual quip did not frustrate her this time for it was obvious he was deflecting. Instead, she approached him and took his face in her hands, running her thumbs across sharp cheekbones and down his bearded face to hold his chin. He somehow looked even more exhausted up close and there was a carefully crafted coyness in his eyes that was thinly shielding a heavy weight. Someone who knew him less might fall for the levity he attempted, but she was not so easily fooled and knew more layers of him than he'd probably care to admit.

When she determined that he was physically functioning, she met his eyes again and felt her heart break all over again as he shifted in his stance. "Satine..."

He did not stare at her with the caution of someone flying too close to the sun as he seemed to lately. He looked at her with his heart as near to his sleeve as a man like Obi-Wan could allow. She sought that as her opportunity. As much as drinking in his being alive was soothing to the fire of unrest that raged within her, it was not enough to extinguish it altogether.

"The holonets say you're dead."

"I've never been very good at dying." He laughed weakly.

"Yet you always seem to be trying." She said softly.

"For as horrible as I seem to be at dying, near-death experiences happen to be a primary skillset of mine."

"I do remember that about you."

"Those weren't all because of me." He emphasized.

"And what about Anakin and the others? Do they..." She held in a shaky breath. "Do they share your predilection for close calls?"

He reached up and held her hands in place over his face, running a thumb along her wrist. They'd not been this affectionate since their year on the run all those years ago during the Mandalorian Civil War, but simply having the knowledge that he was still a tangible and living presence was just not enough at the moment. She needed the absolute physical proof that he was here and not about to evaporate into existence or into the Empire's evil clutches. As for him, he looked like he hadn't interacted with someone that wasn't pointing a blaster at him for quite some time.

"They did." And it was the ever purposeful utilization of past-tense along with the defeat in his tone that made it all too real. It was one thing to hear it on the news or to spread it from word of mouth, but to be standing in front of a man that was already becoming a relic of a different time... Was a different experience altogether. The knowledge of the Jedi's increasing obsoletion certainly made her all the more grateful that this relic was in front of her at all.

She dropped her hands, which suddenly felt too heavy to keep held in one place. They didn't go far, settling instead on his chest over the scorched lapels of his tunic. He wobbled forward a little too much and it became obvious that he was unable to stand and continue this conversation. She reached down and guided him to the edge of her bed so he could sit. Had he been in better spirits, he would have made some smart comment about her wasting no time in getting him to bed while she would have returned with some well-articulated slight suggesting performance issues.

Instead they sat with knees touching, feeling grounded for the first time since the galaxy decided to open up beneath them.

"Anakin's dead, Satine." Was what he went with, which she knew was the crux at what really ached him. She was not force-sensitive in the slightest, but could feel that specific pain emanating off of him. The love Obi-Wan had for his former padawan was evident. The Jedi were never allowed attachment, but were given children to care for and practically parent. No, it did not make sense, but she never voiced this contradiction. She questioned a lot about the Jedi Order in her time spent with Obi-Wan, but never in the love or camaraderie they felt for each other.

Forgoing her initial desire for answers, she reached a hand up and dusted some of the ash from his auburn hair. "I'm so sorry, Obi."

"And it's my fault." He said.

Always the guilt-martyr. "That's not-"

"-I sliced off his limbs and left him to burn." He choked out and turned to her, all pretenses shattered from behind his dark blue eyes. "I killed him."

She pulled back, but only slightly, eyes wide and posture frozen. At this point, she felt like she'd heard everything in her life. "Explain?"

He sighed and leaned forward, pinching his brow between his fingers. "Mace Windu did try to kill Palpatine."

"Okay?" Satine could see that Obi-Wan was definitely not in the spirit to have the life shaken out of him, but her resolve on the matter was growing thinner and thinner as he continued to drop short and curt details that made absolutely no sense in the present universe that she lived in. It did not help that he did so with an expectation that she understood.

"But..." He shook his head. "Not because there was a Jedi Uprising."

"I know that." She said indignantly.

He lifted his head with great effort to meet her gaze. "Palpatine is a Sith Lord."

She did not know that.

Satine's jaw set. She did not know nearly as much about Jedi history or lore as she did Mandalorian history, but she did know enough to know that Sith typically traveled in pairs. This entire Clone Wars, the Republic was on the hunt for this other Sith Lord after first encountering the evil Darth Maul and finding him to be the apprentice. Then, there was Count Dooku, who was yet another apprentice. That horrid Ventress somehow did not count. And the war ended without any mention of another Sith.

Which she felt horribly stupid for not coming to such a conclusion on her own. Of course the present leader of the galaxy was a Sith Lord.

"That's why the Jedi confronted him then." She said and at Obi-Wan's nod, she grimaced. "And I'm guessing he meets his end after the video cuts off."

"Curious how they managed that, huh?" He sighed, "In doing so, they also cut out the part where Anakin falls."

"Falls?" She wrinkles her brow. "From where?"

"No... He..." And it looked like Obi-Wan would rather vomit than speak his piece. "He fell to the dark side of the force."

She gasped. No, that couldn't be right. Not Anakin. She remembered him clear as day at their doorstep a mere few months ago. He was impetuous and rebellious- definitely not one to color within the lines- but radiated goodness all the same. He cared for his soldiers and respected his elders. He cared so greatly for Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, if not always in line with the rest of the Jedi. This was beyond clearer than anything else.

But Obi-Wan would not be slumped over beside her if this was not true. His elbows rested on his knees as he rubbed his face. "He was the one who gutted the temple."

"How..." Her voice was small and so unlike the regal or firm tones she typically used. "How could he do that to his friends? His mentors?"

"They were not his friends and mentors." He shivered. "They were predominantly padawans and..."

"Younglings?" She asked, but it sounded like a desperate plea.

The silence was damning enough.

She choked down a sob of her own, but had little to say in response to that. Even for someone as eloquent with words as Satine, there wasn't anything you could say to appropriately respond to the news that someone near and dear not only crossed the line of evil, but went so far as to take the lives of the most innocent.

"And I still couldn't follow through. Even after knowing that." He shuttered. "I failed. I- I failed him."

She slid off the edge of the bed and into a kneeling position on the floor in front of him, imploring him to look at her. "No, you did not. If anything, he failed you."

He did not reply to that just as she knew he would not. She'd been right before at assuming he was accepting responsibility at its entirety for this whole mess. She just did not know the angle of it. In a sense, she could not blame how he came to that conclusion. She'd witnessed firsthand the bond between a Master and an Apprentice up close. It went beyond a simple mentor/mentee process, but had familial and friendship layers to it. It was a lonely galaxy for a Jedi and oftentimes the family found within that order was their reprieve. Now, all of that was torn to shreds and the very same way Satine blamed herself for the path Bo-Katan chose, Obi-Wan blamed himself for Anakin's fall.

"He failed you, Ben." She repeated and used the name she'd coined for him when they were undercover on the run. It became something of a fond pleasantry only reserved for serious moments. She'd never lived a moment more serious in her life and she'd been close to meeting her end at the hands of a former Sith.

He looked up to meet her gaze with glassy eyes. He looked so unlike his normal self- so the very opposite of a Jedi, and maybe he could sense that she noticed this, because he reached out and took her hands in his, like he needed to explain to her that everything horrible in the galaxy was, in fact, his fault.

"I raised him."

"Would you sooner blame me for Bo-Katan's indiscretions with Death Watch?"

"That's different."

Considering Bo-Katan never touched a single hair on a child's head, yes, it was miles different, but the principal at the core still remained. Satine was a master negotiator and could triumph Kenobi yet.

"You are certainly not perfect," She squeezed his hands and he snorted, "But you were a good Master and you did what you could. Anakin was free to make his own choices and failures. I know you will not allow me to absolve you of entire guilt nor will you ever hate him, but I encourage you to think back to what your Jedi Master would say."

"Qui-Gon would say it was the will of the force." He sighed, "Said that about everything, didn't he?"

She smiled softly. "He certainly had a way about him."

"I miss him." Obi-Wan admitted, which under any other circumstance he would not voice, even if he felt it. "I am glad, in a way, that he did not live to see this."

At some point during their maudlin conversation, it had begun to rain outside, which while the rain on Mandalore was scheduled, it always seemed to catch her off guard. Even more shocking, Satine hadn't noticed it until an artificial crack of lightning broke across the sky. The flash reflected off of Obi-Wan's face and for a moment she could see the young padawan that came to her aid so long ago, who absconded her heart during stolen glances across a makeshift campfire and proceeded to break it when he left. After all this chaos, there was still hope in the man's eyes.

"There's more." She prodded.

He quirked a brow. "You've always been nosey."

She scoffed, "Well if you don't want to tell me-"

For a second, his hardened features softened and it was clear he was giving in. "Padmé's children survived the birth and I must ensure their safety."

She let that factoid linger in the air for a moment before adding to it the detail that Obi-Wan would not, for reasons that he was likely coming to terms with, because if Satine could really take a wild gander, had been the source of all of this. "They're Anakin's aren't they?"

For a second, Obi-Wan snapped out of his sorrow and look at her in an almost comical surprise. "You knew?"

"Was it not common knowledge that they were together?"

He stuttered. "No! I was not- I mean I had my assumptions that he- No! We're Jedi- We..."

"Hush now, Obi." She sighed, "Do you really think you are the first and only Jedi to play with fire?"

Her gaze was knowing and he returned it in kind and for a moment, she was transported to memories that seemed a millennia away- one where they were treading from planet to planet, through all terrain, not quite sure what the next day would bring. It was easy to grow close with someone after being forced together by the elements. It was all the easier when that someone was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Of course, nothing could ever be easy between the two of them. A figurative mountain of obligation stood between them. Still, they'd managed to poke cracks through the surface and allow some light to peak through, whether allowed or not.

But Obi-Wan walked away that day in a way that Anakin could not. For Obi-Wan, it had always been one or the other- never both, and Satine could never bring himself to make him choose. It would have made her too guilty... To take him away from his lifestyle. She certainly would have grown to resent him had he made her choose between him and Mandalore. She could not do that to him and she could not do that to herself. Instead, they stood with the sun casting shadows on their faces on that last day, staring at one another and waiting for something until the thing they waited for could never come and before they knew it, they were parting ways.

He was so very much the strong and faithful Jedi back then and his future was so very bright. She had a community to turn into a city all by herself, but believed her future could also be bright.

No such promises existed now.

And with that, along with how terribly it hurt to look at him like this- to see how the force managed to chew him up and spit him out and still have the audacity to request more of him, she realized that she'd take the burden of his possible resentment if it meant their lives would be better than what they had now. The tiny voice inside her head told her that Obi-Wan could never resent her and she still hoped that rang true.

"I'm calling it." She said abruptly as though she was adjourning a business meeting.

He furrowed his brow at her in a way that let her know it was her turn to elaborate.

So, she gathered all the courage she could muster and went on with a conversation that likely should have occurred much sooner. "Forgive me if this is 20 years too late, but I have to ask. I cannot bear to see you continue on like this and frankly, I'm not sure if I can either. Stay with me... Please?"

For a moment, it was just them in the entire galaxy. There was no genocide or newfound tyranny or impending invasion. Just them and Satine swore she could hear her own heart thrumming in her ears. She waited for this frustrating man in front of her to decline. How could he step away now when the galaxy needed him most? There were children involved, evidently. The leader was a Sith Lord! He was a wanted criminal. The list of why they should not seemed to grow longer by the second, but she banished all of those thoughts, because all she wanted right now was for his safety.

"You're saying the word." He said incredulously.

"I am." She never broke his stare.

He choked out what she could not tell to be a laugh or half a sob of relief, but he lifted her hands and kissed them both. "Shouldn't I be the one on bended knee?"

Shock permeated across her chest for a moment, before stubbornness settled in. She patted his knee gently, to which he winced; making the silent point that he was in no shape to make such a gesture. "I asked you first."

There was a softness in his features that she always adored and this moment, despite his being through hell and back, did not change the way he looked at her. He reached out and framed her face with his hands. She took comfort in the familiarity of the callouses that brushed along her cheekbones and leaned into his touch.

"I accept."

Her heart was still filled with a world of hurt, but she pushed all that away in favor of a true and genuine smile to break through the sorrow. She was delighted to see that through glassy eyes and frown lines, he mirrored her expression. A glimmer of light in a dark space. Love would not cure all of their problems or heal them whole, but it would help. They'd spent too many years rejecting it and they still ended up where they sat, so maybe, a different tactic would be useful to them.

It was small, but it was enough for right now.

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into." He joked and smirked when she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, shut-up." And she closed the unbearable distance and kissed him soundly.

After a gratuitous amount of that, she made a curious sound in the back of her throat and he pulled away instantly with a vulnerability she was not entirely used to (but certainly fond of). "What?"

She shrugged and ran a hand along her own face. "I'll have to get used to the beard."

He scoffed, "It can never be easy with you, can it?"

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into." She mimicked with his drawl and all.

"I do love you anyway." He sighed and perhaps the confession shouldn't have startled her the way it did.

That being said, she would not resist the urge to return the sentiment. "And I, you."

There was still a child to look after somewhere across the galaxy and a Mandalore to distantly keep tabs on. The Empire would call them back to oppose them and there was the fact that both of them were about to become wanted criminals. Their obligations still pulled them every which way, but Satine felt warmth flow through her bones with the knowledge that she was finally allowed to be attached. She'd never known herself for being capable of crying and laughing at the same time, but it worked all the same.