#and she's like um I don't think that that's what that means at all
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"Jennifer, we need to talk." "Why do you keep calling me Jennifer, my name is Josh" I said. "Oh, OK 'Josh' we need to talk" she said very sarcastically. I didn't think it was funny. But Mina had been slowly feminizing me for about six months by this time. "What do you want to talk about."
"Jennifer, it is time that you start wearing panties all the time. I know you keep some boxer shorts and some men's bikini briefs to wear for the gym, but we can't move forward with your transition if you still wear men's underwear." "Well, who says I want to move forward with this." With this Mina got a serious look on her face. "I want it and Tyrone wants it. He isn't going to let you live with me if he thinks you think you are still a man." My heart sunk. "Well, what, I mean, what does Tyrone have to do with this. I mean, I agreed that you could see him and I even started wearing condoms like you asked so there was no risk that my cummies would get you pregnant. What else do you want?"
With that Mina, came over and hugged me. "I know Jennifer, it is hard. But this is really for the best. Being a girl really suits you. Don't you think?" "Well, um .... OK I guess it does in some ways. I feel more comfortable as a girl and the HRT is starting to work on my breasts. But I am still a boy - I mean I am still a man!!!" "Of course you are my sweet, but you are a different type of boi. You are a boi who is better as a girl. And you look really cute in your dresses. And remember, the guys are finding you quite attractive at work and the gym. I bet it won't be long until one of them asks you out on a date." "OMG, you think so Mina. I do love my dresses and heals and Chad at work has brushed my butt quite a few times last week." "See my sweet, you are turning into such a woman, much better than when you were a a so-called man. So it is official, only bras and panties as your underwear from now on, OK?"
What was I to say, Mina was right - as usual. I really am a much better girl than I ever was as a man. I took to heals very quickly. And I look so much better completely shaved. Oh, and I love my nail polish. So yeah, she is right, but still ... "Mina, can I still fuck you from time to time?" "Jennifer, you know how Tyrone feels about that." "But Mina I wear condoms now. And you are on the pill. There is no way I can get you pregnant." She replied "you are half right." I didn't understand and asked her what she meant. "You do indeed wear condoms, but I am not on the pill anymore. Tyrone threw them away and said I was not to take them anymore. He said that his cum is to circulate freely in my pussy. That I am to always take his cum in my pussy or in one of my other holes. I was worried about getting pregnant. He said not to worry. He was so sweet. He said 'baby girl, your pussy is meant to hold the seed of a BBC. It wants to feel the seed in it. And it also wants to take one of those seeds to make a baby. It is my job and it is your duty to make a baby for us.'"
I was stunned. "How long have you been off the pill?" "It started about 3 weeks after you started wearing condoms. So I guess about 8 weeks now." I was just stunned. "Were you going to tell me?" "No" she said. "Tyrone said our love making is none of your business." I asked, "does this mean I can no longer fuck you?" "Sweety, really. I mean, I can't even feel you inside me. He has stretched my pussy so much that I don't even know when you are inside me. I just moan and tell you how big and thick you are so that you will cum quicker and get it over with. You can't compete with Tyrone, that is why you are now a full-time panty wearer. Do you understand?"
All I could do was nod my head yes. I did understand. It made me feel a bit dejected. But I knew it was right. Panties just fit me better. I liked the different styles - bikini, string bikini, thong - and I loved wearing pink panties. Even our friends know I wear panties as Mina as made sure to tell them that I am a pink panty boi.
"OK Mina, I understand. I will get rid of my last few boy underwear. It will be embarrassing wearing my pink panties to the gym, but I guess most of the guys there no I am a sissy by now anyway." "That is so true Jennifer. I think the pink yoga pants that make your little tushy so cute gave that one away."
"I love you Mina. Thank you for helping me realize my authentic self. I was meant to be a woman." With that we both hugged and started crying. "I love you so much Jennifer" she said as she lightly kissed my lips.
Daddy likes that I only ever wear panties now. 🥰
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Misunderstandings
@dira333: what about a meet ugly with Daichi or Kita? A meet ugly is about meeting someone in a less than fortunate way but somehow you still fall in love?
You had just finished a long, exhausting work week and wanted to treat yourself to something nice. Hence, a slightly fancy dinner alone. You let out a content sigh, sipping your drink. The ambience of the restaurant was impeccable, the lighting was soft enough for patrons to relax, and the music blended into the soft chatter in the background. You were still waiting for your meal, but the breadsticks in this place made for a good distraction. You hum and break off another piece. Don't mind if I do.
Suddenly, an athletic-looking man sits down across from you. He gives you an apologetic look and says, “I’m so sorry I’m late. Work ran a bit long, and I got here as fast as I could. The hostess said you weren’t waiting long, though.” He continues explaining his tardiness, but—who the hell is this guy!? Your eyes widen at his sudden appearance, almost choking on your precious bite of breadstick. You cover your mouth and start coughing, while he looks a bit flustered.
“Are you okay? I didn’t mean to startle you.”
You shake your head and gesture that you're fine. You catch your breath and finally take a good look at him, and you quite like what you see. He has dark, short hair that suits his face nicely. His shoulders are quite broad, and you can tell he has some muscle on him. More importantly, he has warm, brown eyes that seem to stare right through you.
You take a deep breath and finally say, “I’m sorry, but who—” when a very angry-looking woman storms over. Just when you thought your eyes couldn't get any wider.
“Who the hell do you think you are?! Flirting with someone else, standing me up on our date? I can't believe you, Daichi! Koushi said you were a total catch! Ugh!”
You break your gaze away from the fired-up woman and steal a glance at who you guess is Daichi, and see his jaw is practically on the floor. He sputters and is stuck between looking at you and her, before she stomps her way out of the restaurant.
You two are silent for a moment, registering the chaos that just erupted at your table. Out of the corner of your eye, you can spot several groups of fellow diners whispering about what just happened, and you honestly wish you could disappear.
You sigh and meet his eyes. “Daichi, right?” He nods grimly. “I’m almost certain you can tell by now I wasn’t your date. I was going to tell you but I was pretty confused and couldn't find a good time to, and then, well…” You grimace at the thought of getting yelled at by his date.
“I am so sorry.” He lets out a deep sigh and runs a hand through his hair. “To be honest, I don’t do this kind of thing- dating, I mean. My friend said he’d found a good match, and the way he described her, well I thought- I thought it was you.” He lets out a nervous cough.
You blink and think about his words. “What.. do you mean?” His face blushes and his gaze focuses on a corner in the room.
“He, um, said that my date was very beautiful. That she was very approachable, and funny. I heard all that, and then the hostess said my date was waiting back here, and I saw you. I thought ‘This must be her.’” You watch his face as he goes on, and all you see is sincerity. Your face burns due to the flattery coming from him right now.
“I… wow.” Is all you manage to get out.
“Once again, I'm sorry. I'll leave you to your dinner.” He pushes his chair out and moves to stand but you can hardly stop yourself from grasping his arm.
“Wait!” His eyes widen slightly and he looks at you expectantly. You chew on your lip nervously and say, “I feel a little responsible for ruining your date. It's the least I could do to have dinner with you. If you would want to, that is.”
He gives you a comforting smile and softly says, “I’d love that.”
note: this was so fun to write, thx so much for the requests. I hope it lives up to your expectations :)
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#hq x reader#hq#hq drabble#daichi x reader#daichi sawamura x reader#haikyuu daichi#haikyuu x female reader#female reader#request
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Something something "Digimon Adventure Outsiders" idea.
A silly comic based on this one convo with a friend [pt1 • pt2] which ended up being like... putting Meiko, Rui and Wallace in the same chat group and watching how far it could go with those three.
transcription below:
Wallace: You see, Daisuke and the others must be trolling us to see if we're smart. Therefore the Kaiser guy might be a digimon instead, not a human. [Wallace, 22yo - He really likes to make Daisuke-kun angry on purpose. Also he's American. Daisuke-kun said to take everything he says with a grain of salt 💧] Meiko: Um... How are you sure about it? They wouldn't lie to us... [Meiko,25yo - She's shy and nice...]
Rui [Me, 21yo]:... *nods* [← knows the truth but can't internalize it. "Too jarring."] Meiko: What do you think, Rui-kun? Rui: [turns to her] M-Me?? (Shoot, I must have spaced out...💧) Rui: I... I think the same, they wouldn't lie to us. I also... Nevermind. Rui: I know it's Ichijouji-kun because he told me before. But I can't believe it, it's... Wallace: And you REALLY believe that he said the truth tho? Rui: ... I do. Meiko: You doesn't seem to believe it, Rui-kun... Rui: ... Wallace: Look, if you can't accept it, then you also don't believe it either. Rui: Ok, I don't believe it. But I trust in Daisuke-kun and the others. Wallace: Trusting is different. Because I do trust them too, but an evil boy genius is too unrealistic, Rui. Meiko: But... It's true that Ichijouji-kun was a super genius boy one. Yet, he doesn't seem... evil. Wallace: Then, if we all agree here, this means the case is closed! Rui: But... shouldn't we take their word for it? Wallace: Nah, they are definitely testing us here. Meiko: ... [Ken and Daisuke watches them] Daisuke: Uh... Ken, shouldn't we-- Ken: No, this is fine. There's no solution for this whole mess.
#ohwada lui#mochizuki meiko#wallace (digimon)#motomiya daisuke#ichijouji ken#digimon adventure 02 the beginning#yes this is a shitpost
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Can i ask for insecure reader x Donna?? Maybe before reader met Donna, the girls in the village teased her about her looks because they were jealous of her beauty. Reader can't believe that someone like Donna would like her. She notices that the reader cries every night and can't stand the sight of it so confronts reader.
Can it be a smut???
Yesss!!!! Thank you for request!!! I hope you like and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :))))
P.S: To the anon who made a question to me yesterday. I'm sorry, I deleted your question by mistake but I remember it so:
To the question "what does G!P mean?" Well, I know it's not well written, yk, maybe GP! (girl penis) sounds more familiar to you.
Idk why I always write it like this. I made a mistake once but I didn't fix it. I guess I like it that way, like my own style or smth. I hope I've solved you doubt, take care of yourself!!!
Beautiful?
Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader
Warnings: Smut, Minors DNI, fluff, angst, hurt and comfort, hurtful mockery
Word count: 8,162
Summary: You've started to think they were always right about your ugliness
N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!! I love you all!!! :))
“Hey, (Y/N),” you heard.
Behind you, putting a hand on your shoulder, was a young man you knew, one who always smiled when he saw you.
“H-Hi, Ivan,” you said with a shy smile, turning around. “Aren't you with your friends?”
“Well, I saw you pass by and I was wondering if…” the boy said, scratching the back of his neck. “Um… Have you tried Mrs. Grescu's apples?”
You smiled, shaking your head.
It had been a long time since someone approached you to talk and you weren't stupid, in that shy smile there was more than the innocent intention of spending time with you. Having some boy approach you was strange enough to notice that you weren't really interested.
“Not really,” you said with a friendly smile.
“Well, then you won't have any problem in…”
“Oh, Ivan, I was looking for you,” a girl who appeared from the shadows interrupted the boy, drawing your attention.
You had tried to stay away from her, from her and her friends, but, apparently, it hadn't been possible.
“Miriam?” he asked, frowning after the sudden approach of the young woman. “I was talking to…”
“Hey, aren't you bored? The party is over there,” she said, hanging on to the boy's arm, looking at you out of the corner of her eye.
“No, it's just that…” he stammered, being dragged by the girl while you stood, completely ignored in that remote corner.
“Hey, he was talking to me!” you protested, not because you actually liked that the boy seemed interested, you really didn't, but because you knew the way that girl acted.
“Surely the lack of light has confused him, hasn't it, handsome?” Miriam joked, blinking seductively, leaving the villager speechless and with a silly smile.
“Um... well, if you say so...” he murmured, looking at you for the last time before disappearing, leaving you, once again, alone.
You sighed and sat down on an old bench. That the meeting had been short shouldn't surprise you, they all were, thanks to them.
“Oh, wow, poor (Y/N),” a cocky voice startled you and your body began to shake.
Two girls appeared out of nowhere, pretending to pout. They weren't friends of yours, but they were acquaintances, unfortunately.
“Leave me alone,” you whispered, frowning and crossing your arms.
Trying to escape was already difficult enough, as they seemed to want to corner you.
“Are you enjoying your solitude?” one of them said with a sinister smile. “Well, I shouldn't be surprised that you like dark places, right, Alicia?”
“It's true, this place is made for you, (Y/N),” the other girl said, resting her arm on your shoulder mockingly. “A dark place, where no one can see you…”
“Why don't you just go away?” you asked, removing the hand and getting up from the bench. “Don't you have anything better to do?”
Alicia pushed on your shoulder, forcing you to sit back down among unpleasant laughs.
“Shhh, where do you think you're going?” she threatened, looking at her friend. “Do you think we like being here? No, (Y/N), we're doing altruistic work, right, Olga?”
“Yes, it's true,” her friend said, sitting next to you with a disgusted look. “Have you seen what time it is? There are still children on the streets and instead of having fun, we have to watch you.”
“That's good,” you whispered, starting to get nervous.
No, not again.
“If we let you go with the rest of the decent people, you could cause them a trauma,” Olga said. “With that face you could make even the lycans flee.”
You should have protested, been enraged by that insult, but you were used to it, too used to it.
“Well, Ivan isn't a lycan and he wanted to go for a walk with me,” you said with dark eyes, looking towards the snowy ground, trying, pathetically, to say something in your defense.
“Of course, because he can't see you well,” Alicia said, sighing and running a hand over your shoulders. “As soon as the light illuminated your shitty face, he would surely run away.”
“P-Please, leave me alone,” you stammered, with tears in your eyes, unable to escape from that horribly common situation.
“Please, please…” the girls mocked, pretending to pout. “Oh, are you going to cry?”
“She's going to cry,” Alicia mocked. “Spare us the suffering, (Y/N). I don't want to have nightmares.”
“Hey, come on Alicia, it's not okay to laugh at (Y/N), she has to look herself in the mirror every day,” the girl commented while you made an effort to keep the tears in your eyes.
“It's true...” she whispered, rolling her eyes. “Although I doubt she has mirrors in her house. What for?”
“Well, for her parents and...” the other girl commented, putting a hand on her lips. “Oh, sorry, you don't have parents, do you?”
You, wishing the ground would swallow you up, shook your head, starting to sob.
“Olga, don't be cruel,” Alicia said, getting up from the bench and gently hitting her friend. “What would you do if you had a daughter like her?”
“I would have probably wanted to die,” the girl replied cruelly. “What a shame...”
“Enough!” you shrieked, clenching your fists and abruptly. “Leave me alone!”
“Don't shout, stupid, your voice destroys my ears,” Alicia joked, covering her ears comically.
“Jeez... even her voice is horrible,” Olga protested while you began to tremble, letting the tears fall into the snow. “She's crying again, you're pathetic, (Y/N).”
“Pathetic and ugly,” the other added, nodding with her arms crossed. “Hey, do us a favor and go to your lair, monster.”
“Hey, look,” one of the girls said, hitting her friend's shoulder and pointing at something with her head.
The two looked at each other and gave you another mocking smile before moving away from you.
“Anyway… have fun, ugly,” they joked, walking away from you.
The silence was a relief, only broken by your sobs. Teasing had always been in your life. That trio of witches had always enjoyed torturing you, insulting you, and making you think that everything they said… was real. You could never understand what you had done to deserve those insults, to deserve the constant mockery that made your life a hell.
No matter how much you wanted to get away from them, even from the village itself. That was impossible. In that lost place, guarded by the Black Gods, there was no escape.
“Hello,” an unknown voice startled you, waking you up from that nightmare, from those tremors and tears.
You looked to one side, to the other… Nothing, you saw nothing. You thought that maybe you had gone crazy, that all the suffering was starting to take its toll on you, but that wasn’t the case. You looked down and couldn’t help but step back.
On the ground, illuminated by the dim light of a street lamp, was what at first seemed to be a girl, but in reality wasn’t.
Of course you were no stranger to the Lords or to Mother Miranda. Everyone in the village respected and feared them. You knew that figure, that sinister and almost dark smile: the Angie doll, inseparable companion of one of the four guardians of the village, of the youngest Lord: Donna Beneviento.
For a moment you thought about running away, but you froze. Of course, having a Lord so close, or well, part of one, wasn’t a good sign.
“What are you doing? Help me up,” the doll said, gesturing for you to sit her on the bench.
Afraid of the consequences of not doing so, you grabbed the puppet with a hesitant gesture and followed her order.
“That's it, well done, villager.”
“M-M-Miss Angie,” you murmured, wiping away your tears and lowering your head in a gesture of respect. “What are you doing here?”
“My Donna and I don't like crowds,” the doll answered, watching you from very close. “Hey, silly, silly, are you crying? Do I scare you that much?”
“N-No... it's just that... n-never mind,” you said, scared, but with the feeling that this puppet had nothing to do with the three girls who made your life miserable. “I-I don't like people very much either.”
“I see that,” Angie said, swinging her legs comically on the bench. “Why? You’re beautiful and you should be surrounded by stupid boys.”
At that comment, your eyes widened. No one, ever, had told you that you were beautiful, much less, someone like her.
“Beautiful? Me?” you asked confused, pointing at yourself. “No, I'm not…” you sighed, believing that, just like the girls, that doll was laughing at you.
“If you say so…” the puppet sighed. “Hey, hey, hey, silly, do you want to play?”
“What? Play?” you asked, shaking your head.
“Yes, that way we kill time for the festival to end,” the puppet suggested. “Do you know how to play chain words?”
“I-I think so,” you stammered. “S-Sorry, Miss Angie… it's just that I've never been so close to… someone… someone like you.”
“Well, you'll get used to it,” Angie whispered, getting a little closer, still looking at you. “Hey, lonely girl, I think my Donna would like you…”
Unintentionally, by chance, that meeting preceded by a horribly bitter moment was the beginning of your new life. The lady in black appeared shortly after to take her doll, who seemed to have escaped.
If Angie hadn't existed... well, none of that would have happened. The doll's insistence to its owner to meet you was a bit exaggerated, but... to your own surprise, it worked. You didn't know what that veiled lady had seen in you, but you didn't reject Angie's proposal to get to know her better.
You couldn't deny that you were afraid, you were, and very much so. Lady Beneviento was described by the village as an extremely dangerous, sick and unhinged woman, but... to you she didn't seem that way. It was impossible to know what was under that black cloth and hypotheses were always part of the village's rumors.
Despite that, it didn't take long for you to find things in common with that woman. She didn't seem like a ruthless creature but... a normal, ordinary woman, or at least, on the surface. A lover of art and literature, cultured, sensitive, intelligent... Donna was the opposite of what the rumors said.
She was a woman wounded by her past, consumed by the loneliness of her dilapidated mansion, but somehow, your presence made it not seem like that. Her voice, a voice that no one had ever heard before, rang out only for you on one of the afternoons you spent with her, drinking tea, like two unknown souls dying to know each other.
Everything happened so fast that you couldn't control it. Your feelings, the sensations you had when you were with her became overwhelming in a very short time. She wasn't laughing at you, she was nice to you. The monster that the rumors spoke of was, to you, an angel in a world of demons.
Her beauty was special, undeniable, stained by a scar that covered part of her face. Again, you could feel privileged to admire what was hidden, but you didn't have much time to do so, as her lips suddenly landed on yours, showing that Donna felt the same as you.
Everything seemed perfect, incredible. The relationship you started with Donna was a good reason to start leaving your past behind. You believed that this tangle of kisses, whispers of love, caresses, could tear down what seemed like an eternity of suffering.
In part it was like that, smiling was no longer too hard a job for you, but, to be honest, you didn't forget as much as you thought.
Sometimes those dark shadows came back. It didn't matter if it was day or night, those words echoed in your ears, preventing you from forgetting your complexes, those words that, after being too many years in your head, seemed like an immutable truth.
It wasn't strange that you wondered what that incredible woman was doing with you, what she could have seen in a horrible, ugly girl like you. Looking in the mirror, you came up with dark reasons for it. Maybe her complexes made her settle for the first girl who didn't run away, or simply, she felt better with someone uglier than her.
Deep down you knew it was nonsense, that none of the arguments your brain made were true but… after so much suffering, you just couldn't help but think it.
Two years later, that relationship continued. Donna was perfect, simply perfect, and you had a hard time understanding why perfection had set its sights on you, but it did, and the reasons mattered less and less to you.
You couldn't stop sadness and the past from coming back to attack you, causing you to cry in front of the mirror for no reason, looking at the reflection of what must have been… a monster.
Of course, your past remained hidden in the depths of your soul. You didn't want her to know about your misfortunes. You were afraid that, if she did, she would recognize that the love she felt for you was nothing but spite.
No, you couldn't tell her anything, you didn't want to worry her or expose your insecurities, besides there was no reason to do so anymore. In those two wonderful years, you didn't return to the village. You were convinced that, with time, you could stop crying.
“Hi,” you said with a slightly fake smile, erasing the tears from your face as you entered the workshop.
The lady in black didn't turn to look at you, but she made a loving gesture with her hand for you to come closer. You did, leaning down to kiss her cheek, to get that shy laugh that drove you crazy out of her lips.
“Mm, ciao, tesoro...” she whispered, turning her head so your lips crashed against hers, stealing a tender kiss from you. “Are you coming to keep me company?”
“Yes,” you said amused, enjoying the contact of her skin with yours, letting her hands grab your body, sitting you on her lap. “What are you doing?”
“Making dolls,” she said, looking back at the work table as you settled on her.
“Yes, I see,” you said amused. “Can I?” you asked, reaching out your hand to pick up the porcelain doll she offered you, looking at it lovingly. “It's very cool.”
“Grazie, (Y/N), but it's just like the others,” Donna said as you ran your fingers along the seams of that little dress. “Well, almost… Look, I decided to add some ruffles.”
“I gave you that idea,” you said with a sincere smile, sighing at the sight of the creation that came, in part, from your imagination. “What is she?”
“She's a fisherman's daughter,” she said, moving as she lovingly caressed your hair. “Look, see the little fish I embroidered on it?”
“Yeah, wow, that’s fabulous work, Donna,” you said, nodding in admiration at your girlfriend’s underappreciated work.
The lady smiled, looking at you, proud of your compliments, but that smile suddenly faded, bringing a hand to your chin and slowly lifting it.
“(Y/N), your eyes…” she murmured confused, studying your gaze.
“W-What's wrong with them? A-Are they ugly? Don't you like them?” you asked nervous, looking away from her.
You were starting to think that time would never heal your insecurities.
“Mm? Di che cosa stai parlando?” Donna asked, shaking her head. “Your eyes are beautiful, tesoro but… they're red… What's wrong? Have you been crying?” she asked with a worried tone.
“Oh, no, no,” you said, shaking your head effusively, rubbing your eyes. “It's just that… I think, I think I have an allergy to… to dust.”
“Allergy?” Donna questioned, frowning. “Really? W-Well, maybe I should hire a maid and…”
A maid? A beautiful girl in uniform working for Donna? A girl surely much more beautiful than you? A girl that the lady in black would notice, realizing that you were hideous? No, thank you.
“No,” you said abruptly, making her blink in confusion. “No, Donna, it will pass.”
She smiled, nodding.
“You're right, besides, I wouldn't like to have another girl in the house, you could fall in love with her,” the lady in black commented, whispering in your ear. “That would kill me.”
“Don't talk nonsense,” you said, laughing at the tickling her lips were starting to do on your neck. “I could never fall in love with someone other than you.”
“I like that you say that. I like knowing that you're mine…” she purred playfully, but before you could perhaps get carried away by passion in the workshop, the phone interrupted, making you two sigh in a complicit manner.
“Hey, you two!” Angie shrieked, interrupting the kisses that were beginning to heat up. “Are you deaf or is your blood not reaching your head? The phone is ringing!”
“Ugh, Angie,” Donna protested, pushing away the doll, who was already beginning to tug impatiently at her dress. “Behave, please…”
“Pick up the damn phone!” Angie shrieked, creating, along with the sound of the phone, a chaos in the normally silent workshop. “Let that silly thing go and get up!”
Your smile faded when you heard the doll talk about you as a… thing… The memories came back to haunt you.
“Angie, taci,” the lady growled, not obeying her puppet. “Pick it up, will you?”
“Always me! Angie, do this, Angie pick up the phone,” the doll mocked, making the lady laugh.
“Do it,” Donna growled, still kissing you, calming your nerves with her hot lips.
“You damn clingy fool…” Angie grumbled, leaving the workshop and obeying her owner.
Anyway, she couldn't do anything else, Donna created her.
After a while in silence, only accompanied by kisses, hugs and increasingly suggestive caresses, the doll returned, making you, with a knowing look, move away before your clothes began to disappear.
“It was the Duke,” the doll said, climbing onto Donna's lap, trying, unsuccessfully, to push you away from her. “He says he couldn't come this afternoon.”
“What?” the lady asked, frowning. “Why not?”
“I'm sorry, Miss Angie, personal matters,” the puppet said, imitating the merchant's voice. “What personal matters? Lose weight?”
“Cavolo…” the brunette lamented, passing a hand over her forehead. “We need flour.”
“So?” Angie protested, without being able to move an inch. “Send the fool to get it.”
“Yes, well… (Y/N), would you do me a favor and go to the village?” the lady asked, causing you to suddenly get up from her lap, nervous.
“M-Me? To t-the village?” you asked with difficulty pronouncing the words.
Two years had passed, two happy years without setting foot in the village. All your demons were still present, but, somehow, far away. Returning to the place where you suffered would only make things worse and besides, they would still be there, you were sure.
“Yes, you,” Donna said, frowning, surprised by your reaction. “Do you mind going?”
“Um, well… I… it's been a long time since I've been to the village and…” you murmured, looking away, somewhat embarrassed by your irrational fear.
“Ha!” Angie laughed amused. “Are you afraid of getting lost or something? Please…”
“No, of course not, it's just that…” you said nervously, noticing how sweat was beginning to run down your hands.
You couldn't, you didn't want to go back. Away from that place you had been safe. You just didn't want to go through the same thing. You couldn't do it, unless… Donna accompanied you.
“O-Okay, but… Donna, could you come with me?” you asked with a pleading look.
Being accompanied by a powerful Lord changed things. Maybe if those stupid girls saw you with her they would change their minds, or, at best, they would get the scare of their lives.
“Io?” she asked, pointing at herself. “No.”
“Why not?” you asked approaching the woman in black, who maintained a cold gaze. “How long has it been since you left the house? I think you could use some fresh air.”
“If I want to get some fresh air, I would take a walk around the grounds, like I do with you. I'm sorry, (Y/N), but I don't want to go to the village,” she answered with a dry voice, shaking her head. “I just need flour, the other things can wait. It's not that big of a deal.”
“It's not that big of a deal?” you asked more nervously, looking for somewhere to look. “Donna, I…”
“What's going on? Why don't you want to go to the village, (Y/N)? Is there something you haven't told me?” the lady asked, slowly getting up from the chair and holding your gaze with her eye half-closed.
“Um, no…” you sighed, lying again, unable to show the root of your problems, of your insecurities. “No, but…”
“Then obey, silly,” Angie said, with a severe tone camouflaged in a sinister laugh.
“I… O-Okay,” you said, without further arguments, defeated by that curious look that threatened with one of her interrogations. “I'll go.”
“Fine,” Donna said, arching her eyebrow and sitting down again. “Don't be long, tesoro.”
“N-no,” you murmured, biting your lip and slowly leaving the workshop.
As you walked, you thought about everything happened in that place, everything you had been through: the death of your parents, your loneliness, the cruel teasing of the girls… Everything had been generated in that sinister village. If there was a place you hated, that you never wanted to return to, it was that one.
Luckily, there was tranquility among the houses. No one noticed you as you walked towards your destination. Maybe, just maybe, those girls were no longer there, maybe you were worrying in vain. After all, two years had passed.
Everything seemed to be going surprisingly well, as you made the purchase relaxed, without awkward questions, as if you hadn't disappeared. For a moment, you had the hope that the demons that tormented you had disappeared with the passage of time. Unfortunately, it was a fleeting thought.
“(Y/N), what a surprise,” you recognized that voice immediately, freezing but forcing your legs to keep walking.
“Hey, where are you going so fast?” Olga insisted, grabbing your arm roughly. “Look, Miriam, Alicia, the monster is back.”
“(Y/N), you look ugly, as always,” Miriam said while you struggled against Olga’s grip. “What has happened to you these two years? Apart from being more horrible, of course.”
“Yes, (Y/N), we thought you were dead,” Alicia said, stopping you from moving forward.
“Leave me alone,” you whispered, pushing them away with your shoulder, trying not to hear their hurtful comments.
“What's wrong? Were you petrified by seeing your reflection? Have you hibernated? What happened to you?” Miriam insisted, with that petulant tone that reminded you of your horrible past.
“It's none of your business,” you growled, walking faster, escorted helplessly by the three girls.
“Well, we like to know where the monsters are, right, Olga?” Miriam commented, laughing mockingly. “So we can hide.”
Maybe telling the truth wasn't such a bad idea.
“You want to know where I've been? Huh?” you said, stopping abruptly, tears in your eyes again. “I've been living with Donna Beneviento for two years, she's my... girlfriend,” you said, faltering.
“What?” they asked in unison, looking at each other confused. “You must be kidding.”
“It's not a joke, so... stop, stop messing with me or I'll tell her and...” you said, pretending a threatening tone you weren't able to emit.
“Oh, what will she do to us? You're pathetic, (Y/N), of course, if anyone had to be with the crazy doll lady, it's you.”
“Don't insult her,” you hissed nervously, cornered again.
“Yes, surely that nutcase has noticed you because you're even much uglier than her.”
“Shut up!” you shrieked, shaking the bags in your hand. “I'll tell her and…”
“They say she's more horrible than a lycan,” Alicia hissed, approaching you with a smug smile. “That she has five eyes and claws in her mouth…”
“No, shut up,” you said, noticing how your legs were starting to fail you.
“Alicia, don't mess with the monster's girlfriend,” her friend said, with a cocky pose. “It's the most (Y/N) can aspire to.”
“It's true, although well, she probably hates seeing her face every day, that's why she sends you on errands, right?” she said, making tears return to your eyes.
“Well, a deformed being like her could only be with another deformed being like you. It's nature, but… well, maybe it's not a good thing,” Miriam commented, leaning uncomfortably on your shoulder.
“What do you mean?” one of the girls asked.
“It's obvious. That relationship won't last. Lady Beneviento will probably commit suicide for having her around, just like her parents... or, and yours,” Olga said with a dangerous tone.
“My parents died of an illness,” you growled nervously, looking everywhere, looking for some help.
“Yes, the illness of having an ugly as hell daughter,” the girl laughed, those laughs that didn't leave your mind even when you couldn't hear them.
“Relax, (Y/N), nothing will happen to her when she realizes how ugly you are, she probably won't take long to get rid of you, but... when she does, if you survive, don't go near the village, okay? You give nightmares to the children,” Miriam said.
Unable to defend yourself, you decided to run, to flee, while the three girls laughed amused. You didn't want to blame Donna for not being with you, for not making those stupid girls swallow their words, but you couldn't help but do so.
When you returned home, you didn't give any explanation, you just wanted to cry. You needed to. Your nightmare was far from over and your reflection in the mirror was becoming more and more distorted. It had been a while since you'd seen a person, but a monster.
“I'm telling you something's wrong with her, Donna, can't you see it?” you heard Angie say as you went up to the dining room.
The crying had exhausted you and you had masterfully avoided your girlfriend's questions.
“Yes, she was tired,” the lady whispered, setting the table while you listened, hidden in a corner.
“You're stupid, Donna, it's obvious that she's been crying,” Angie said, tugging at her dress. “I've approached the bedroom and heard sobbing.”
“If (Y/N) has any problems, she would tell me,” Donna said, sure of her words, ones she didn't know were a lie.
“Maybe the problem is you,” Angie murmured. “Donna, you are as understanding as a glass of water, why don't you ask her and…?”
“Oh, (Y/N),” the lady said when she saw you appear, with a tender smile, one that you returned with great effort. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes, I just needed to rest,” you murmured with your voice broken by crying, letting the lady kiss you quickly before accompanying you to the table.
“Mm,” she murmured with a sweet smile as she sat in front of you, thus beginning another of your romantic, silent dinners. “Angie told me you have been crying.”
“Oh,” you sighed. “T-the allergy, you know.”
“If something worries you, (Y/N), you must tell me. You haven't said a single word since you came back from the village,” Donna commented, glancing at you out of the corner of her eye as she poured you a glass of wine.
“Nothing's wrong with me,” you said, feigning confidence, stopping eating for a moment and looking at the lady, who was frowning. “Hey, Donna, you… you love me, don't you?”
“Of course I love you, amore mio,” she sighed, reaching out her hand to caress yours. “I see tears in your eyes, tesoro. Please tell me what's wrong.”
“Nothing, I just sometimes wonder what you're doing with me,” you said in a sad tone, returning to your dinner.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Donna said amused, thus showing her lack of ability to understand emotions, something she wasn’t guilty of.
Poor Donna had been alone almost all her life. She wasn’t able to see the glow that indicated there was something wrong.
“Everything was delicious, Donna, but I think I'll go to sleep, I'm kind of tired,” you whispered after dinner, getting up from the chair.
“Wait,” she said, grabbing your wrist before you left. “(Y/N), I'm sorry about not going with you. If you're upset about that, I beg you to forgive me.”
“Oh, don't worry,” you said with a fake smile, kissing the back of her hand. “I have nothing to forgive you for.”
“Yes, but…” the lady said hastily, getting up and cupping your face in her hands. “I want to make it up to you. Tomorrow I have a meeting with my siblings and maybe, well, maybe you want to accompany me.”
“Do you want me to accompany you?” you asked, blushing at the proposal.
“Yes, um, the only bad thing is that you would have to wait outside, but I could give you that walk through the village, do you fancy it?”
“Sounds good, thanks, Donna,” you sighed, kissing her cheek with hope resurfacing in your chest.
Maybe, finally, you could get your revenge, scare those stupid girls, show them that they couldn't mess with you, that Donna was by your side, that she loved you, and that she didn't think you were horrible, because she didn't, right?
Luck didn't seem to be on your side at all. The next day, you walked with the veiled lady through the village.
There weren't many people on the street and they all lowered their heads as soon as they saw you. You clung to Donna’s arm, keeping her close, looking with your eyes for those girls, who seemed to resist appearing.
You finally reached the entrance of the cathedral, where you would have to wait. You were disappointed for not having been able to fulfill your objective, but you were patient, since there was still the way back.
“Well, well...” that voice, that voice again.
“What are you doing here, (Y/N)? Have you come to ask Mother Miranda to end your suffering?” other girl asked while you read quietly under a statue.
Unconsciously, you looked at the cathedral, looking for a help that wouldn’t come.
“I'm afraid there is no remedy for you, (Y/N),” Alicia said, letting herself fall next to you. “You are so ugly that not even the Black Gods could fix you.”
“Leave me alone,” you whispered, without taking your eyes off the door.
“Has your girlfriend committed suicide already? I would if I had to wake up every day next to a monster like you,” Olga commented, imitating her friend's gesture. “Now it's time to go after another Lord, isn't it? How about Moreau? You two look quite alike.”
“Yes, you'd make a good couple,” Miriam mocked, opening her eyes wide immediately.
“Ladies... Do you think it's fun to mess with my sister's girlfriend?” a seductive, velvety voice appeared behind you, the lady of the castle, Alcina Dimitrescu.
“My lady,” the girls repeated, standing up and bowing.
“Gods... How inelegant you are, my dears,” the lady in white murmured, placing a huge hand on your shoulder. “Maybe a few days in my castle will teach you some manners.”
“No, my lady, we're leaving now, my lady,” one girl said, terrified, walking backwards.
“Get out...” Alcina whispered, shaking her head. “Get out!”
You were nervous, sobbing, watching those three demons flee in terror. In other circumstances you might have laughed, but not at that moment.
“My dear… How do you let them say those things to you?” Alcina asked, sitting down next to you as best she could, running a hand over your tear-wet cheeks. “Can't you defend yourself?”
“I-I've been hearing them say that for so long that… that…” you said hiccupping, succumbing to your complexes, ones they created. “They're right.”
“They're right? Please,” she sighed, putting her arms around your shoulders. “You must be blind, dear. Those three stupid girls are just jealous.”
“I have nothing for them to envy… I'm a monster,” you sobbed, covering your face with your hands.
“Maybe you and I have a different idea of what monsters are like, my dear,” the lady of the castle said, shaking her head and patting your back. “I assure you that I have rarely seen a girl as beautiful as you. You must believe me, I know a lot about beautiful girls.”
“No, that's not true, that's…” you stammered, ignoring the compliment. “It's a lie.”
“Hey! Keep your claws off our (Y/N)!” Angie shrieked, appearing next to Donna and threatening the vampire.
“Your (Y/N)?” the lady in white asked, standing up elegantly. “My dear… If she is really yours, you should care a little more about her.”
“What happened? Why is the fool crying?” the doll asked as the lady in black approached, bending down to lift your chin, a touch you rejected.
“Three undesirable vermin were mocking poor (Y/N). Donna, you disappoint me, how can you allow them to say such things to your girl?”
“Cosa?” the brunette whispered raising her gaze and abandoning her touch on you. “Mocking?”
“Sì, cara mia… Allow me some advice: protect what is yours if you want to have the guts to call yourself a Lord, because if you don’t… well, I suppose there will always be room in the castle for this beautiful young woman, right?”
“Who did it!?” Donna shouted, frantically, comically pulling on Alcina's white dress, making her laugh amused. “Who did it!?”
“Mm, three young girls, they went that way,” Alcina pointed with her head.
“Come on, Donna!” Angie shrieked, walking in that direction. “It's been a long time since we had some fun.”
“Wait!” you screamed, grabbing the doll maker by the hand. “Leave it be, Donna, let's go home, please,” you begged, sobbing, wanting to disappear from that scene.
“No,” she hissed, pulling away from your grip. “They will pay for it.”
“No, no please, Donna!” you shrieked, pulling the lady under the watchful gaze of her sister. “It doesn't matter, I just want to go home, please.”
“What did they say to you, (Y/N)? Why were they making fun of you?” Donna said nervously, putting her hands on your shoulders. “What did they say to you?”
“It doesn't matter, Donna, really,” you insisted, resisting her nervous grip, her nails digging into your skin.
“They've hinted to your girl that she's… ugly, which is nonsense in my opinion, don't you think, Donna?” the vampire explained in an indifferent tone.
“Ugly? Her?” the lady in black asked in a confused tone, looking at you slowly. “But…”
You sobbed, hurt, deeply hurt, and turned around, running away from the women, returning home with a heartbroken cry.
There was nothing to do. Donna had discovered your problems, and you couldn't, nor did you want to wait to hear how she might agree. You wanted to cry, scream, but above all, you wanted to be alone.
You couldn't tell how long you were crying against the pillow, in the dark bedroom, hearing in the background a tireless knocking at the door.
“Apri la porta, (Y/N)!” Donna shouted from the other side. “Do it! Do you dare to disobey me?”
“I want to be alone!” you shouted, resting your head on the pillow. “I don't want you to tell me they're right, I don't want to hear it!”
“Cazzo!” Donna shrieked, banging on the door harder. “Why are you repeating that nonsense!? Open the door! Ugh…”
“No!” you screamed childishly, glancing at yourself in the small mirror on the vanity table. “You want to leave me? That's it, isn't it? You'll leave me because I'm ugly!”
“What the hell are you talking about? (Y/N)… open the door,” the lady hissed, getting impatient. “Please, I can't stand to see you cry, I know it's not the first time you've done it.”
“What do you care if I cry? You'll leave me anyway,” you said, sitting up and rubbing your stinging eyes. “Say it already.”
“What? What do you want me to say?” It was heard from the other side.
“That I'm horrible!” you shrieked, opening the door and running away from the lady, who grabbed you tightly by the arms.
“You're pissing me off, (Y/N)…” she hissed, not letting you escape. “Now you're going to tell me what's wrong with you, why you don't stop crying day after day if you don't want me to get really angry, you don't want that, right?”
You could only shake your head.
“Well, talk, what's all this business about those girls? Why do you cry every night?” she asked, in a calmer tone, wiping away your tears. “Tesoro, you're so ugly when you cry…”
“I'm always ugly,” you murmured, sitting on the bed and playing with your hands. “T-Those girls…” you started when the brunette sat next to you, ignoring your self-pity. “…T-They were never my friends but since I was very little they were always… harassing me, insulting me…”
“(Y/N)…” Donna whispered, nodding for you to continue.
“I know I'm not beautiful, but they... they're always reminding me and laughing at me and... even when some guy would come over, they would talk him out of it, telling horrible lies and...”
“I don't get it, (Y/N), what's this about you being ugly? I'm sorry, but I can't understand,” she stammered, frowning, confused.
“Stop pretending! Look at me!” you shrieked, pointing at your face. “They're right, I'm horrible...”
“Are you sure about that? Are you completely sure?” Donna asked, pulling your hand, lifting you from the bed and dragging you to the mirror, sitting you roughly on the stool. “Look, (Y/N), look!”
“D-Donna...” you stammered scared as the lady grabbed your face, forcing you to look at your reflection.
“Look at yourself, (Y/N). Look at your face, your eyes, your lips…” she whispered, fixing her eye on your reflection while holding your head. “I've never seen a girl as beautiful as you.”
“Y-You're just saying that to cheer me up,” you murmured, lowering your head. “It's not true, I…”
“I can't believe you, (Y/N), even my sister has noticed that you're beautiful, do you really think she offers anyone a room at the castle? Please open your eyes, look at reality.”
You shook your head, looking at all your features, features that, you began to notice, weren't those of a monster.
“If you think you're horrible, (Y/N), what am I?” she hissed, pointing at the deformity of her face. “You've never needed to cover your face, have you? You don't need a veil…”
“Donna, I didn't mean…” you said regretfully, blinking. “It's just that they…”
“They? They're just bitches!” the lady shouted, cursing like never before. “Do you know what their only problem is? That they'll never be as beautiful as you.”
“S-So… you think that…”
“They're just jealous, (Y/N), jealous of you, but you know what? You shouldn't care, all you have to do is… look in the mirror and acknowledge the facts. You're the most beautiful girl in the village, and I don't have enough gratitude for the Gods, because someone like me is lucky enough to have you.”
“Donna,” you said with tears in your eyes, believing her words, forgetting the insults, the years of teasing, realizing that she was right, that boys were approaching you in droves, interested in you and scared by those stupid girls, just out of jealousy because they would never be like you.
“Come here,” Donna whispered lovingly, lifting you from the vanity table and grabbing you by the waist. “Promise me that you will never believe a single word again. You must believe me, tesoro. I will always tell you the truth.”
“I... I don't know what to say,” you stammered, excited because, for the first time, Donna had managed to calm your fears, because you realized that you should have always trusted her, that this nightmare would have ended if you had told her what was tormenting you during those nights of crying.
“Mm, then don't say anything, just kiss me, bella,” the lady whispered, slowly approaching your lips, devouring them in a wet and warm kiss, comforting and salty with tears.
It was a long, deep kiss, animated by the silence, by the nervous breaths your lips emitted while they caressed each other. Her hands grabbed your waist, bringing you closer to her body, letting all her warmth embrace you slowly, without hurrying, while you had fun messing up her black hair, letting it fall on her shoulders.
“I love you,” you whispered, keeping your eyes on hers, running a hand over the scar that deformed her face, discreetly consoling her own insecurities. “I love you…”
Donna smiled, closing her eye so your hands caressed her soft skin, letting only you have that privilege, only you realize that she was a beautiful woman, that her beauty was only for you.
The doubts, the insecurities disappeared little by little, with each step you took towards the bed, with the voices of your demons camouflaged by the wet sound of the kisses, of the steps on the wood. Donna let her body rest on yours as her hands clung to your face while her lips reluctantly moved away from yours kissing your skin slowly, whispering things you didn't understand, but tickled your flesh.
“Beautiful... the most beautiful girl in the world,” she whispered in your ear, her hips betraying her desire, her fingers caressing your collarbone and her lips refusing to abandon the softness of your skin.
You laughed at the compliment, wanting to give her that affection too, running your hands over the perfection of her body, her waist, her chest covered by what at that moment seemed to you to be a horrible black dress.
“Donna...” you gasped when those innocent hands stopped being innocent, when they attacked the ties of your dress and pulled it down your body while you were distracted by her kisses, with her shy tongue bristling every inch of your skin. “Donna…”
She didn’t answer, since worshipping your body was a task that always required all her attention. Her legs settled on either side of your hips and her fingertips undid the annoying bra that covered you.
You gasped again, letting yourself be carried away by the subtle movements of her body, with your hands struggling to make their way over her chest, to undress it, to delight your eyes with her naked and perfect body.
Her kisses went down little by little, without it seeming important to her the hand that slipped through her dress, the hand that caressed her chest softly, a chest that rose and fell nervously, anxious to know what your fingers would do to it.
She pulled away from your lips, sitting up for a moment to look at you, with a cold, thoughtful look. You wondered what was going through her mind, what she was thinking about while her two hands passed over your naked skin, stopping at your breasts, squeezing them in a dominant, but kind, respectful way.
“Il tuo corpo è bellisimo,” she whispered slowly so you could understand her and blush while laughing shyly.
Your smile provoked hers, and without knowing what you wanted, the lady in black stopped being so, taking that annoying dress off her body, staring at you.
“If you say those things to me... I won't be able to control myself,” you said amused, with a mischievous look, grabbing the back of her neck and bringing her lips to their only possible place at that moment, kissing yours.
The kisses heated the atmosphere like a fireplace in winter. Your bodies danced tirelessly, more and more exposed, naked. The caresses became subtle scratches, claims of ownership as you panted on her lips.
Your hands became jealous, they wanted to touch her, to feel her bare chest as it rubbed against yours, to delight in the perfection of her figure always hidden, always ashamed.
No, Donna had nothing to be ashamed of. She was a terribly beautiful woman even if she refused to recognize it. Then, you realized that your frustration must be similar to hers.
Two women in love unable to recognize each other's beauty; you seemed predestined, it seemed that the only thing you could do in your sad life was to be together, to love each other, to kiss each other, to fuse your bodies into one and tell the world that you were both making love with beauty itself.
You protested with a moan when you noticed how her lips left yours, how her silky hair tickled your skin and her hands grabbed your legs, moving them at will.
Your fingers searched for each of the corners that disappeared little by little, they searched for her breasts, to make her nipples stand up like she had done with yours. It was the least that a Goddess like Donna deserved, but she didn’t allow it.
Her lust had other plans, her lips wanted to kiss your breasts, your belly, your thighs… She didn't want to let you think that there was a single inch of your body that wasn't worth worshiping.
“Donna…” you moaned, relaxing your body as you felt her lips on your wetness, her tongue caressing your most intimate area while your hands desperately sank into your hair.
She laughed against your skin without stopping her wet feat, running through your folds, playing with your clit and gently stimulating it so the pleasure wasn't overwhelming. She wasn't making love to you; she wasn't giving you oral sex, no… Donna was worshiping you.
Her kisses weren't fast or anxious, they were slow; they were made to enjoy the taste of your arousal, to get those soft and erotic movements of your hips. You wanted to protest, to demand a place between her legs too, but she didn't let you.
“Shhh, this is just for you, amore mio…” Donna whispered into your skin, adding her hands to the fun, trying to stimulate the parts her tongue abandoned.
You wouldn't feel cold, you wouldn't feel neglected, she was there to make you enjoy as she thought you deserved.
Your childish grunts and protests began to drown with moans of pleasure, with intense shivers, when one of her fingers followed the path of her tongue, impregnating itself in your wet core, playing with your eager entrance.
“Donna, please,” you said without wanting to, involuntarily begging for that pleasure to materialize, to stop being superficial.
The lady heard you, pressing her lips to your skin for the last time and climbing your nakedness, allowing you to taste yourself in her kisses, in a terribly erotic way.
There was barely time to enjoy that sensation, as her fingers entered you without wasting any more time, curling into your trembling core, one that was already unbearably hot.
Her movements were soft, careful, perfectly timed by her kisses and caresses, by subtle moans that came from her lips, by the pure and almost innocent pleasure of giving you that altruistic passion, one just for you.
The moans soon got out of control, causing your imperfect nails to scratch the perfection of her skin, marking her back to cushion the waves of pleasure you felt. Her fingers were harmonious, tireless, tender and passionate, running along your walls in a unique way, entering, leaving, caressing…
“Donna! I’m…!” you screamed when your hips jerked sharply, when your interior kept her fingers still at the same time your entire back tensed, accompanied by a very scandalous moan.
Of course, your release wasn't going to put an end to that pleasure. Without giving Donna time to protest, you threw yourself at her, immobilizing her, not allowing her to embrace you without returning the favor first.
Clumsily, but with desire, you imitated her movements, you sank into her eager wetness, which seemed to call you, to turn you on just with her scent. Your tongue, your lips… everything she gave you came back in the best way you wanted, making the normally shy and silent Donna Beneviento unable to help but scream.
She had her release and the kisses returned, rubbing your bodies tirelessly, brushing your wet core with her thigh while she did the same, hugging each other, looking into each other's eyes, loving each other in a hot, erotic and unmatched way.
“Donna…” you sighed once the action ended, collapsing in her arms after a second orgasm, with your demons far away from you. “I love you…”
She laughed, kissing you on the forehead and rubbing your back, but suddenly she frowned, pushing you away.
“Where are you going? Come here, my love,” you said with a sad look, watching how the lady got out of bed and started to get dressed, with a frivolous, almost dark face.
“Stay here, tesoro, I'll be back soon… I have to talk to three stupid girls…”
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hi,
I'm fascinated by ur Loki works, and since I'm currently rereading all my favourites I wanted to ask about your general headcanons for Loki, and your opinions on all the movies and appearances Loki had. Basically, could you please talk about Loki, because i feel like my idea of Loki and your idea of Loki are similar. bye!!
"Do you want to rant at me about your favorite character?" I mean. do you want my first born?
general headcanons:
there's this scene in Loki: Where Mischief Lies where Loki has a throwaway line that talks about how it never matters when Thor hits him even if it gets violent and it rotates around in my head like a microwave all the time. Such an interesting concept that Thor took things too far but Loki never said anything because that's Just What Siblings Do TM
Loki's hair is soft to the touch, not greasy, because I will die mad about loki's hair in ragnarok
loki steals clothing. This is something you can see in all my fics, he's constantly stealing things from everyone.
Loki is ace, never had sex, and isn't interested in changing that. I don't think he's aro, I think he is interested in romantic love to some extent, but I think sex is just mid to him
loki's magic pokes at all five senses. It's something you can see, taste, hear, touch, and smell
loki got "food poisoning" a lot as a kid because his body was made for jotun stuff and like. asgard doesn't have that
Loki has a moral code, and there are lines he won't cross
loki doesn't lie that much, people just gave him the name because he's shifty and it was a rumor that was started by thor that he lies all the time
loki and thor's relationship has only gotten more complicated as they've gotten older and they have the brain chemistry to process things better, look at their childhoods and go, uh, bro, wait a minute
frigga wasn't a very good mom to loki, even though she tried
Loki can cook
loki uses magic less now that he's older, not because he's not good at it, but because he just like. he uses more subtle magic, and he doesn't need to turn his magic into a glowy show when he could just punch you in the face
loki is a man of few words
loki being captured and watching him lose his mind is straw that broke the camel's back for Gamora, who left shortly after he agreed to help thanos
loki wasn't mind controlled per se in the first avengers, the scepter was just affecting his feelings, but not more than anyone else? Loki was just genuinely tortured/coerced into this by thanos and they didn't have to force him to do anything. he was too terrified to say no. scepter was just an added bonus to cement the control
loki absolutely has permanent spinal damage from his time with thanos
I have a bazillion of these i could literally go on for ages.
---
thoughts on movies:
Uh. Okay. um. How do I say this without getting slain? I...do not think, objectively, that any of the Thor movies are good movies. I think they have fantastic concepts, and wonderful characters, and I adore poking at them, but I think one of the reasons that they're so beloved is because of their potential not because of what they are. People love thinking about what could have been and what they wished happened, because there's very little that's actually satisfyingly completed about the films.
Because the Thor movies are not...It. You kind of have to go hunting for outside material for pieces to be connected together and thor 2 has lots of issues that not even thor 1 could have dreamed of, and Thor 1 is just. A disaster, narratively. I think Thor 3 is definetly the most well put together movie, which sucks because it's the one that botched the characters beyond repair. You either have good characters and awful story or fantastic story and terrible characters with no inbetween.
Trying to talk about why I don't think the movies are good - objectively, as movies - has never ended super well for me, but yeah, i just. I don't. I don't think they're very good. I can break it down in more detail if anyone is interested, but there seems to exist two opinions on tumblr: you either think thor 1 - tdw is an untouchable master piece or you don't and there's nothing good to say about them at all.
I have endless praise to give the movies, but that doesn't mean I don't have criticisms, because, good lord, they suck in some places. Loki's character arc is the most baffling mishandle of a character that I have ever witnessed, and yes, I mean this from the get go. Connecting thor 1 - thor 2 takes some mental math.
Thor 1: Interesting set-up for Loki's character, I like how careful they are with setting him up to make sure that his arc was clear and the line between victim and villain was really blurred. They did a good job on making him sympathetic, and revealing an interesting concept with him and Thor, even if I don't think it was executed as well as I wanted.
Avengers 1: adore poking at Loki and Thanos's relationship here. I cannot get enough of it. I like writing with the avengers mostly because of all that didn't happen in the movie that I wished had. There's so many narrative secrets that don't get addressed or glossed over and I just want it picked apart
Thor 2: i enjoy seeing Loki and Thor working together, Loki's deteriorating mental stay in prison is always fascinating, and generally tdw is my favorite movie and portrayal of loki. It's what I usually base all my fics off of is how he acts in this movie. 10/10, will sing praises
thor 3: my loathing for this movie has shriveled considerably since i saw it the first time, but i'd still be hardpressed to say i liked anything they did with loki's character. Loki is self-sabatoging constantly, and his character makes no sense whatsoever. he is the village idiot, and like, i'm not really into that.
Infinity War: Honestly, i'm just gonna say it - i really did like what they did with loki in this movie. Like yeah, I wanted him to help and be an important part of the story, yeah, of course, but I also appreciate from a writing perspective what a powerful move killing him off before the credits was. Loki was the Big Bad of the first avengers and murdering him set the stakes amazingly. It carried Thor's entire arc, and it felt like a shroud that was layered over the movie. I know a lot of people didn't like it, but I appreciated what they did with it, and I like the tragedy.
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Appearance:
not a single scene in ragnarok with him it it did not make me want to chew off my foot, his character design was awful. I will never understand why everyone was drooling over the black suit, it looked like it was bought from walmart and then the wrinkles smoothed out with a flat iron. His hair is greasy af for no reason, all of his clothing looks cheap and ugly. there's nothing impressive or visually interesting about him. the choice to remove his colors so hela can take them will never not be annoying to me even though hela is my baby child
thor 1 has the best hair, in my opinion, but he also looks stupid as hell in his armor. loki's design, to me, works best when it has long lines and it's flowy and/or soft. visually nice:
and like the reason it's visually nice is because it's soft and doesn't make me notice tom hiddleston's hips. The moment i'm aware of his hips i get irritated as hell about it, because idk man, loki just. he does not look good when you're aware he has hips. tom hiddleston is like fine, somehow? i don't know why it doesn't bother me when he's wearing whatever he wants to - i also just like. do not care - but with loki i'm just like. oh good LORD stop making me aware of your hips.
It's why i can't stand his ragnarok suit but would sing praises over the thor 1 one.
It's something that's just like. confounded me forever, because i don't even know why it bugs me so much, but every time i see his TVA outfit, thor 1 armor, or that stupid ragnarok suit i want to shoot a canon ball into the sun.
Give the man a suit coat or do not put him in a jacket. loki has lots of skills but pulling off a jacket is not one of them.
He needs to look haunted, like, in general. Or like an 18th century tired man. it's integral for his character to me.
things that make galaxy happy:
loki soft hair
loki having suit coat or suit coat equivalent
things that will send her into a ranting, unwanted, nitpicky rage
loki greasy hair
loki dressed in jackets
#answered#loki#honestly it's been a while since i gave any opinions about loki#like i still love him very much mcu has just been so exhausting recently that it gives me more fatigue to work in it than less#i just feel like...out of steam with it#i should go rewatch a few movies to remind myself it does bring me joy when it doesn't suck
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Yeah, he's glad he didn't get used to that.
Making sure to keep his eyes on them he finally stands to his feet. He wipes down his pants best he can, choosing to ignore the trembling of his legs. Their odd sort of... banter would be kind of funny if he wasn't still feeling the after effects of nearly getting mauled. Sharp teeth, sharp claws... not so sharp of a mind- ... the Lord might be rubbing off on him a bit. Aggressive and violent doesn't necessarily mean they're stupid or anything. He's just being judgy because his pants are all dirty now. No hard feelings. At least they look less interested in breathing down his neck. Or biting it off.
My- My name isn't... I-I go by Angel. And, well, she came to me first like I- like I said. I don't really know how she, um, found out about me but I didn't really question it. We talked about... We talked about just- our lives? I guess? She mentioned you two a little bit...
Knowing that Elara had loved ones back home is actually why he acted so brash back then... finding temporary refuge here was only a passing thought, his Lord would've... Angel blinks, his hands coming up to mess with his ribbon instead.
I, um, I'm not sure why she wouldn't have mentioned me. She, heh, probably just forgot. I'm not really... all that much to- to look at.
Even as the servant shrugs, he's thinking of several reasons why she wouldn't even bring his name up. He doesn't know her super well but it is very likely she really did just forget. However, the main reason that he's considering is that talking about him would eventually lead to discussing his Lord and then that would lead to what happened... And then its pretty obvious how these two would react if they heard about that.
Just a quick fifteen minute trip. In and out.
Drop off the painting, don't get seen, and be back at the specific location in time for the portal to show up so he can leave... Even that feels complicated.
But it really wasn't that hard! Angel just hopes this is the right cabin... Does the painting look crooked leaned against it like that? Oh but if he leaves the note there and it rains it'll get wet...
He crouches there, focused, as he tries to make the presentation look damn near perfect. It's possible Elara won't even be the one to find it! She did say she lives with other people...
This was not at all what the heads of the household had thought to see when they wanted to peer out of the front window to simply watch the forest. They thought something smelt off. Bloodmoon slapped a hand against the window pane with three of their hands, their face pressed up against the glass in an almost comical manner. Well, it would have been if they weren't snarling viciously at Angel. Or in their eyes: Sun!! Their voices were muffled behind the glass but it was no less threatening.
YOU DARE show your face here, Sun Man?! Have you not learned from your last humiliation!!?
They spared not another moment to dart away from their spot, the thundering of feet and scratching of wood indicating that they were coming for him. The door was quick to swing open as the four armed Bloodmoon bared their serrated teeth at Angel.
This time we'll make good on our promise to devour every piece of you until there is nothing left!
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when god closes a door, he opens a window. and by that I mean I was extremely depressed today and then I found a cow squishmallow that I've been looking for for literal years at the grocery store.
#🐇#he was just sitting there like it was nothing like I haven't been driving myself crazy to find him#my playstation icon is connor the cow it has been for years like#anyway I think I'm going to go curl up in a ball and watch dbd streams#lmao my sister always says the window thing to me when I'm stressed and I say yeah so we can jump out of it#and she's like um I don't think that that's what that means at all
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i'm getting towards the end of the skypeia arc, & i'd like to say just how much i adore the way the female strawhats have been treated.
just... every aspect of how the way their characters have been previously contextualized influences the story-line is treated with a masterful amount of consideration. we're given so many layers to both of them that enrich not only their characters specifically, but the arc, and the one piece world as a whole. without nami & robin having their specific skills, and their specific values, without those being built upon, the story would have come to a halt.
you could not have skypeia without nami & robin being who they are as individuals. not just because they never would've gotten there without nami, but also because the way these women think is itself foundational to the machinations of the arc as a whole.
to be totally upfront, if you think any other strawhats were more central to the skypeia arc than nami & robin were you are full-on fucking lying to yourself.
#obligatory disclaimer that i’m aware luffy is the protagonist & a lot of interesting stuff is explored w him. this isn’t abt him though.#part of me wonders if this is an aspect of why people will write off this arc sometimes tbh... like that & the political themes.#but yeah anyway i get why people say that for all there are 100% misogynistic tendencies in oda's writing & character design#it is very very hard to say that he as an individual is an ideological misogynist. like the level of care he puts into his female cast mem#-ers generally speaking & how he approaches what existing as a multi-dimensional individual would look like in their specific contexts is#like... in a lot of ways still something that is unprecedented across all forms of media.#but also not the point but anyone who says nami in particular doesnt get real fights/is unskilled um... no you're wrong read her fight in#alabasta & then all of skypeia.#like in alabasta she takes on arguably a stronger opponent than sanji when considering the structuring of BW. not only that but she does s#with a weapon she has never used before while actively reading the instruction manual. and she WINS. she wins based on sheer intellect &#the ability to utilize skills the audience already knows she has. the pre-existing basic fighting skills she's introduced with are elabora#-ed upon by incorporating her skill w navigation. same with the way her cunning is used in skypeia to cover her lack of sheer brute. &#the best part about it is she's fucking tough in a way that makes sense! she isn't strong/weak just for the sake of positioning her as such#it is thoughtful & it strengthens her as a character rather than just like giving the power-scaler types smth to mindlessly chew on.#like do i wish nami got to fight more & take a more active role in that regard even if i don't think she needs to be a fighter in the same#sense as the monster trio? yes absolutely. i'm guessing this is going to be smth that bothers me potentially even more with robin.#but that does not mean her fights are not masterfully written when she gets them or that she isn't tough as a bag of nails.#respect my darling woman or die.#skypeia#nico robin#nami#grey's one piece tag
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there’s a question to be asked i think about to what extent “getting out” can be conflated with “being saved” in this show, and what freedom actually means to any of these characters.
like you can argue that shiv saved ken by voting against him on gojo, but what if your intent behind saving someone is to inflict a worse punishment than if you’d just left them trapped? can a child weaned on poison survive on milk, or are you just sentencing them to a death by inches, starved of the only thing they know? and if you save someone specifically because you know that being saved is the worst thing that can happen to them, is that kindness or cruelty? at what point does a good thing become a malicious act?
and you can say that roman is finally free, but what exactly is he free from? the company? his father? does unlocking a cage mean saving a dog, or are you allowing him out on the street knowing there’s a kill shelter nearby? if the driving anxiety behind roman is that he’s an idiot and a failure—that he’ll never amount to anything, and trying will only lead to pain—and he’s finally cut loose once all of those anxieties have crystallized into cold hard fact in his mind, what has he actually escaped from? if the cage is in your mind, is it even possible for somebody else to unlock it?
the fundamental truth of a tragedy is that even being saved can be a death sentence, if the characters are incapable of escaping the thing doing them the most harm (themselves and their childhoods)
#'what about shiv' if i think about shiv i'm going to kill myself. she needs her own post. there's too much there to get into.#anyways seeing a tremendous amount of At Least Roman Is Free <3 tags that have me going. right. for sure. free from what?#because it's certainly not the intense amount of self disgust that has driven him in circles this entire time.#i fear he may feel the weight of alienation on his soul for the rest of his life. and he won't even try to alleviate it anymore.#and ALSO the idea that shiv went out of her way to save kendall as an act of like. altruism. like it was a sacrifice on her part#which i feel is a very toothless perspective on shiv and the psychological torment that's been weighing on her essentially since birth#like her choice in regards to gojo is one of the meatiest most harrowing bits of character work i've ever seen#and while of course there was love inside that action (because nothing these characters do is entirely divorced from love)#i don't think it was necessarily a kind or forgiving or sacrificial love#like this was an intense vitriolic snapping from a dog that has been kicked by her dad all her life.#and who absolutely refuses to accept that from her brother (because that would mean acknowledging that kendall takes the mantle of Dad-#and that she's subservient to him. which is the one thing she absolutely will never do#because it's a level of degradation that's finally a step too far)#anyways. um. insane season that i still can't look at directly or i'll perish on the spot.#succession
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My best friend and I moved in together with his closest friend from his MA program, and while I had met her before (the friend; my bff is a man), we hadn't spent much time together because I've never lived away from the West Coast (and only two years out of the PNW) and she's never lived outside of North Carolina and only briefly visited the PNW once, when she went to Portland last year.
It's been a delight to show her around the PNW and realize we need to explain things that are just sort of omnipresent in our lives. The bff and I were casually griping with each other about having to run an errand to Trader Joe's at an inconvenient hour, and were telling her, "it's okay, you can stay in the car and avoid the people if you want" and she was like "NO I MUST SEE IT, I'VE ONLY HEARD OF THEM" and nearly ascended to another plane when we showed her around the store.
The bff and I grew up in the same town in NW Washington (him for his first 18 years, me from 9 to 19) and he lived in Bellingham and Seattle for years before he went to NC for grad school (I went to the SF Bay Area for mine, a very different experience). Both of them are hardcore coffee aficionados, but he struggled with the different Coffee Ways of the South, so for the true PNW experience they want to tour various indie coffeeshops next.
Also, she adores Kaidan in Mass Effect and we were like, oh, is your passport up to date? We could take a trip sometime and show you your boyfriend's beloved English Bay. It's very beautiful :)
her: O_O
me: Actually, it's worth going to Vancouver BC for its own sake as well, it's truly spectacular. We used to go all the time as kids.
bff: And Victoria!
her: O_O
#as much as i very openly love my homeland (read: the pnw. sometimes the whole west coast) at all times#it is truly special to experience it through someone who's never lived anywhere remotely near here. she's never seen vegas or seattle or la#we were super hungry after moving stuff yesterday and the bff was like 'i'm not sure i have a real restaurant in me...#let's just pick up some stuff from jack in the box'#her: 'what's a jack in the box?'#even the department store chains we're used to are different#also she's queer and was concerned about having queer friendly dating options out here and we're like '...oh sweetie'#and since she's from eastern nc we were also explaining that the pacific ocean up here is not like the atlantic#her: 'what are your hurricanes like?' us: '... we um. don't really have them'#then we were like... i mean rainier's lahars are going to melt seattle someday but these are infrequent events#and there will be seismic warnings. even mt st helens gave some warning!#i think the only disappointment for her so far was our building codes (she's very into proper infrastructure)#the roads are nice but our buildings are not designed for combating nature by her standards#it's interesting because we're so unused to the idea of nature as generally something to combat#in fairness someone from say astoria might think about that differently or in very rural areas. but in the parts we're familiar with#usually 'natural' dangers are 'poorly timed human fuckery' and things like rain generally come as friends#like yeah don't go antagonizing a bear or cougar or moose or whatnot but you'd really have to go out of your way#anghraine babbles#cascadia blogging#the adventures of space redacted#anghraine's gaming#us american blogging#i should probably have a bff tag#long post
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tori sitting on the stairs is so. the lighting in heartstopper is awesome big fan of the blue/orange. is tori also depressed in the show i still think it would be so fucking funny to offhandedly mention her school burning down
#whisp whispers#charlie is the focus here yeah but if micheal gets introduced it does mean that solitaire is relevant#meaning 'toris school got set on fire bc some guy was that obsessed with her' and 'tori tried to kill herself' is like. possibly canon#and i think it's SO funny that there is a very large chance that all that Happened and just isn't being acknowledged#noooo charlie don't kill yourself ur so awesome&cool haha.... uh. oh hi tori. you can like. die i guess idk. not gonna stop you#like it really is just brushed past entirely in the comics. which is sad but also extremely funny like. conceptually. my older sister#almost killed herself in a state of mania. oh well. she has a boyfriend now though so that's cool!!!#<-well. depression i guess. some mixed of sleep deprivation mania and also just normal depression. she's awesome#i hope the ferris wheel coming out scene gets adapted. please please please please please. please. if that scene gets changed#because isaac came out first i'm going to .do nothing probably. but mann. man. tori spring 'im asexual' scene please. please. please.....#these tags are not relevant to the post anymore really. sorry for heartstopper posting my irl i usually talk abt oseman to hasnt seen it yet#um. circling back to my original point. if her depression is canon how do you think she feels sitting there knowing she can't get help#bc the resources need to go to her brother and she can't draw attention away from him. tori's tumblr makes an appearance also that was#scary. what do you mean tumblr is on tv in the year of our lord 2024. hello? .anyways brought it up because#'anon asked: who's ur best friend? / probably my brother. sad.'#man. she's so awesome. me if i was cool and british and a girl and had a brother and also if my school burnt down
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i just came out to a real life person and i think im having a heart attack
#IT WAS SO UNPLANNED I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT AT ALL I DIDN'T EVWN THINK WE WERW FRIENDS??#she lives in the building next to mine and we go to tui together to divide the auto fare and we've been walking home 2-3 dino se#and she likes kpop and kdramas#but like there isn't that Spark yk like oh ny god i love u best friends forever its a little awkward and formal still#but we were talking about something and oh my god#when we reached home we were standing uski building ke neeche and she was like i want to introduce you to my childhood bestie i think you#two will like each other#and i was like kinda weirded out like um are we that close yet i thought we were just classmates 😭😭#so i asked ki oh why all of a sudden#and she's like 'i like you' and i look at her and laugh and she said STOP LAUGHING i don't meant it like that im straight ok#and idk something in me snapped i was like oh are u homophobic too?#but pls she didn't know what it meant 😭 so i explained ki do u hate gay people then#she said no no ofc not SO I JUST BLURTED OUT KI good cause im bisexual#THE SHOCK ON HER FACE OMG im saying this now in freaking out now but at that time i said it really coolly and proudly without fumbling#my voice didn't drop down to a low volume or waver or anything (which im so proud bc she's like the first irl person ive come out to face#to face??????? i mean obv childhood friends don't count they're all gay#but anyway she was like OH and then SHE FUMBLED she was like oh nice i respect u very much and it was so awkward i was like haan haan shut#up just don't tell anyone very few ppl know 😭and she wasn't done she was like so as i was saying#we're growing old and real good friendships are getting harder to find and i like you (stop laughing!!) and i hope we don't jinx it#and she literally touched a wooden table lying there and said touchwood???? 😭😭😭😭😭#now i am thinking why did i tell her she's so extroverted she talks to everyone we go to the same tui this town is tiny#she could tell everyone my parents could find out#but also a part of me is relieved cause im so sick of hiding something that is such a small yet imp part of me#and if she tells everyone then cool maybe there'll be more queer people i can't ve the only queer person in this town and we could be#friends and my parents eh they'd never believe something like that they'll ask me if it's true and ill say nah just rumors dumb kids#and they'll believe me because they'll want to believe me so bad#so no harm#i still don't feel very bestfriendy with her but maybe my standards are too high 😭 idk ig i can't see myself being friends with her#for a long time if we weren't forced by circumstances and i don't like her that much but im happy i got to say it#literally said it omg 'kyunki main hu. bisexual' FUCK THAT FELT GOOD
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on “men's” stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting “girls” “mens” “boys” “womens” etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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#Um she told me she's in love with me and if anything happens to know I'm hot and she wants me#And then went into a lot of detail just repeating over and over the things she wants / fantasies about me incoherently#Which I'm sure means nothing right#I know this is complicated for her she hates being attracted to me but it is hard to have her be like this is bad when she says she wants m#I don't know what to do#personal#tbdeleted#Triggering for me yikes#messy messy messy#Honestly think she is just grieving so its latching onto me as a woman she can love in a safe way#And I am glad I can be that I guess like obviously she needs that and I want to keep her safe#But I know I can't and she even said it#Like I know she will go home and then be gone forever#I think I am already grieving her in a way#And she has hurt many people I love dearly#Hurt them in deeply upsetting triggering ways that aren't okay and don't make me feel safe#She really lacks understanding of consent and that hurts people but I know she does want me and i think if I tried to stop her I could#I shouldn't be in situations where I am unsure of that though but at the same time it's like if something happens it happens#Idk how much of this is my own issues and thinking I'm not deserving of safe respectful sex and intimacy and my own guilt for everything#And how much of it is her own issues and guilt and grief#But I know I can be safe and loving for her#And I do know there is genuine love there no matter what other factors there are#Anyways sorry if you read all that I am giving you the biggest forehead kisses#I just think about how different it might have been if I had *** **** *** ** *** *** ****** ** *****#I thought I couldn't cope if I had but how can I cope that I didnt#I should have *** *** *** when I could have#This is unrelated but its all tangled up and it's just been bad trauma day already#If I had **** * ****** **** if I had *** *** if I had **** ***** or#Anyways **** ***** ****** **
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ughhhhhhhhhhh why am i so prone to complaining
#seeing a youtuber i like making a redesign of hazbin hotel!#shes nice and shes just giving her opinions on the designs but although i wanna see what she has to say and how she'll do them#im getting rlly mad#rlly and unnecessarily mad#i want to see the vid and i will but ill just let this here coz i cant shut up#rambles#i see what shes saying about charlie's design#the princess and the hellish part dont pop up at all against the concierge motif#i will say that#edit: she does have a point. i like charlies design in the show better but shes got valid points. also vaggie IS a bit shallow.#i love vaggie but#she needs more development#i mean. i also see WHY: vaggie was an exorcist and if she was like. born in heaven instead of a winner as some theories say#then her only purpose of existence was to serve heaven and adam. we see she still has these issues like in episode three when she feels lik#she failed charlie she is very upset and we see her saying that if she doesn't help charlie she has no worth#or smth to that effect#but she does need more development i feel#hazbin hotel#edit 2: the body type thing is VERY true i love viv's work but she does need to work on her problem with super thin characters#vaggie's redesign is looking good. she looks more knight-y which fits but i think it went a little too far#if it was in the show it would be way less subtle and we wouldn't have that chocking reveal with her past as we did. but it looks very nice#im liking the vaggie redesign better than charlie's#edit 2.5: ok im calmed down im not mad anymore#i just disagree with some specific points#edit 3: YES. vaggie's moth motif IS not rlly showing lavender im happy you went more far with that.#i'm really liking vaggie's redesign thank you#edit 4: ok she IS critizing all the red (and more things surrounging it which she makes good points in)#but i don't really see a problem with the red. it's fine to me. weird#um she didn't do angel. what a shame#last one: alastor design criticism i agree alastor's design is SHIT
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i don't expect any of you to understand the reference but alice cooper. from riverdale. is a little like if a loveless character was really really really fucking funny
#in that she a darkly realistic portrayal of Your Yes Your 🫵🏻 Insane Mom#i have never seen a more.... i don't want to say ''realistic'' because riverdale exists in this like. absurd parody dimension both--#on purpose and on accident but like.#nothing that EMULATES the FEELING of having a Crazy Mom who has no idea she's crazy#and thinks she's justified in literally everything she does and is just like. a complete fucking controlling nutcase who is making--#literally everything worse by pretending she doesn't have trauma#of course it's also very silly but rvd also wants you to take it seriously so it's just like having an (AWESOME) aneurysm the entire time#you have to have a very specific sense of humour to enjoy rvd if you like like.#sardonically sitting around watching increasingly absurd things happen to characters you have zero investment in other than laughing at--#because they just live these deranged lives that are beyond parody and just like bitching at your TV for fun with like a friend then i thin#--you might like it.#like you absolutely cannot get seriously invested in the plot or characters if you want to enjoy it it's hard to explain#but it's also like kind of like loveless in the way that the fandom was originally people doing Shipping and then getting increasingly--#annoyed when it didn't do what they wanted and dropping off#and in the process missing out on the craziest train derailment of all time just like absolute complete lunatic shit#and it seems like it keeps trying to self flagellate for the first like. half#and in riverdale's case it's REALLY funny and in loveless's case it's really um. scary (affectionate)#also like 99% of the people who watch rvd seem to not understand that it's supposed to be insane and 99% of the people who read loveless--#miss that it's supposed to be HASHTAG SCARY#like rvd also exists in this weird dimension where you're supposed to think it's funny and they're trying to piss you off on purpose#but they're also trying very hard to like Discuss Social Issues and it end up very funny because they're bad at it but GOD It's so sincere-#while standing next to the campiest insincere shit EVER it's so fucking funny#meanwhile loveless's tone problem is like yun kouga is just a crazy person.#i mean roberto is also a crazy person but yun kouga is like a tortured crazy person. and he's like. the guy who would make glee crazy--#person. does that make sense.#no one is reading this don't worry about it. smiles.
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