#and she started screaming at me about how much my grandma suffered in the last 15+ years of her life

[fireladybuckley]

Waking up and remembering your mother is a narcissistic ableist with histrionics and anger issues… such fun 🙃

[myinnerartist]

Hello, hello, it is i, load!

With something that was a meant to be a response to a reblog chain i hadve with hypnoi...

But I decided to make my response into its own post instead…for I have a lot to say. (I tried to restrain myself but– )

(And in my experience reblog chains that have a lot of reblogs and/or are really long can cause lag. Idk if their device experiences it but just in case i didn't want them to deal with the lag ^^”.)

I also had thoughts about making this type of post before as well. So I additionally took this as an opportunity to finally make it. I hope that's alright.

And now, I just wanna say, I will be going into detail on all my thoughts about almost everything about My Inner Demons. The writing, the story, the worldbuilding, the characters, the scenes, about almost everything.

And additional heads up because despite this show meaning alot to me, and something that I've created related to it has helped me through so much and something I've poured blood, sweat and tears into.

There's going to be sections that may not be pretty. Where I can't hide my feelings when talking about some of these certain points.

Also that I'm not a professional, these are just my personal thoughts, feelings and opinions on Aphmaus show.

But finally getting into it;

My thoughts on Aphmaus’ My Inner Demons.

—- Let's start with a quick recap.

Within an alternate dimension, there is a world known as Daemos. Where a group of 5 individuals take it upon themselves to find a solution to their world's magic-crisis.

Said group consisting of their leader,

a Second-Born Prince known as Asch, Along with his 4 Loyal Knights, an ex-assassin named Leif, an ex-soldier/general of Rhal(the first-born prince)s army named Pierce, an individual who would've been executed just for being considered weak if Asch didn't ‘spare’ him named Noi, and a not very much is known about member named Rhys, who has a student/teacher relationship with Asch's Grandmother.

Said Grandmother helps the five to find a solution to their world's magic-crisis.

A magic-crisis where the source of all their magic, which comes from human souls, is running out. (A crisis caused by not very smart decisions leading to an extinction of humans) (And a Crisis not known to the general populace and other kingdoms. only the royal family and its council from the most powerful kingdom of them all, know of the crisis.)

(Through Lady Grandma) They learn of a possible solution, which leads them to take on a mission to kill the last remaining human for their soul. In order to use it to open up a portal to another world, which they called “ea-urth.”

Here within Ea-urth, is where they temporarily experience utter suffering, And where they meet a human girl named Ava who finds them, and panickedly asks if they need help. Which, they awkwardly stand silently and glare & stare in response instead. (Because Pierce said don't show weakness. *Because Daemos society doesn't allow you to.*)

However she finds Asch collapsed on the ground behind them, quickly realizes he's unaliven’t and performs cpr. Saving his life, and as a show of thanks(/jk) they immediately threaten her. Before then abandoning her by hanging her on a tree by her hood.

They then get traumatized by cosplayers, return to force her to help them. She passes out after Asch turns the tree she was hanging on into ashes, and finds that their horns are real. (he burned the tree down because she didn't believe they were from another world and this in a way pissed him off. :3)

And now with her strangely intelligent cat they mistake as an earth spirit that somehow got outside despite the door being locked. Leads them back to her apartment with them carrying her like a bag of potatoes. Burning said doorknob off because locked and COULDN'T GET IN. (Johnny how???)

And soon after she wakes up, and tries to escape but fails. they spend HOURS. Literal HOURS. Waiting for her to STOP. SCREAMING. (which damn ava you got some LUNGS in you!)

When they finally get her to stop. Conversation and LIEing happens. Both sides. And a police station is involved until Ava dips out on that idea because they start threatening a police officer.

And this leads to her finally accepting she'll teach them how to live on earth!

.

.

… (*deep sigh*) …

.

The show is then quickly mostly about (forcibly) romantically pairing the boys with Ava.

.

With the occasional beginning or ending scenes within occasional episodes that portrays what's happening back on Daemos.

Which is about Rhals fiance, Lady Bish, (which one must assume is the (temporary) lead Villain of the season) Who slowly figures out what Lady Grandma has been up to, what's she hiding. And repeated hints & clues to Asch's fated sacrifice with more and more description.

The first season.. the show unfinishedly ends with the boys forcefully being returned to Daemos along with Ava magically disguised as a Daemos.

Got all that? Good, now onto

— what I gathered from My Inner Demons… (pt 1)

The story seems to have wanted to be a Harem rom-com (romantic-comedy) with a serious underlying tone & story. And i think also wanted to be for a more mature audience, at least for teens and up. Due to its inclusion of sexual jokes, (somehow minimal or non-existent) cussing, and… I guess violence?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (listen man i said “wanted”)

In my opinion, the show fails to succeed in what it wanted to be.

– Let's get into the romance first. Shall we?

The romance in this show is not done well. Not at all, To be honest.

The show forces romance onto the main cast whether it fits their character, their inner stories, or if they like it or not. When Ava finally thinks about possible romance, it's because she's being pressured into doing so because of the people in her life. Not just the boys. But adults that she's supposed to trust and be friends with.

And the boys? They don't love Ava. Even if the show tries telling us around the end of the series they do? Also that they suddenly gotten comfortable and adjusted somewhat to daily life on earth that they help do chores now? We didn't see that growth. We saw nothing. This is out of the blue!

If they were intending to be a shojo something jump type of story like ouran host club, this wasn't Previously established, nor does it fit the story (*cough* that could've been told. *cough*) additionally, even if the story was like this, they still needed to show that development!

And for most of the story, the boys only want to marry ava for power, because of a misunderstanding that she is princess of earth (*....Deep sigh…*). But suddenly they all are actually in love with or have a crush on her??

*sigh*

— onto about the comedy

I think, we can all agree… the comedy is atleast a hit or miss, and awkward and uncomfortable at most.

(I'm so sorry for mentioning these scenes 😭) Examples: Like… the bathroom scene with Rhys and Lady Grandma… plus every single… one of those jokes Ms.Oates and Lady Grandma has made.

I'll.. i'll talk about their jokes. Not right now, though.

Anywho,

I personally think the comedy aspect in general doesn't fit the story. Don't get me wrong, every story needs a bit of comedy. But with how serious the ‘underlying’ story is, the comedy is… yikes. Ofc, you could still do an overdramatic(/pos) comedy that ends up transitioning to a more serious tone at times, (Aka Romantic Killer on Netflix, which i think can count as a physiological horror/neu) but i don't think that style fits this story, or at least the story we got.

*deep breath*

– onto the serious tone/underlying story…

The serious underlying tone is overshadowed by the comedy. And the serious underlying story is not just overshadowed, but disconnected from most of the story.

Every. Single. Time. The show gives us what's going on on Daemos, and then goes back to what's going on on earth. Is almost whiplash. Due to the utter tone shift between earth and daemos. Idk how to describe it, but…

When we're on earth, it's a comedy. The way things happen on earth are dramatic, possibly one could even say theatrical and illogical, including the characters themselves. It tries to include serious moments, but again, they're overshadowed by the comedic atmosphere.

But on Daemos? It has a darker atmosphere, it's more serious. The characters on daemos are also taken (somewhat more) seriously. Though comedy tries to coexist within it... but it just feels out of place or doesnt work with what Daemos is described and supposed to be and feel like.

I wouldn't say the shifting of tone between worlds is inherently bad.. in fact it could be used quite cleverly!

In other stories. I personally don't think it works with this story in particular. I'll explain this further, later on.

Additional note; the boys were once treated with this seriousness. In the very first episode, they're in a more serious atmosphere, and treated more seriously! Like, Asch was kinda intimidating when he threatened to kill his loyal knights that respect him if they chose to stay! (... oh, we will talk about Asch.)

But the moment, we see them on earth? Say goodbye to them being treated seriously and as adults!

Oh yeah. Additionally, they are not treated as adults. What do you mean? They act like children! Which doesn't make sense for… their world and culture they're from. They wouldn't.. act like children, even if the show might imply that daemos are cruel and selfish, but if they TRULY were, this stroy wouldn't.. really work. (I'll explain, i promise)

AND that the boys seem to almost fit the group of misfits trope! They all would've been killed for being weak or being who they are because who they are is deemed weak if Asch didn't save them, spare them, or show mercy! They're alive because Asch took them in and his position as a second-born prince, right? (We will talk about Asch…)

--- This is Part 1 of a multi-part series of my thoughts on Aphmau's show because I have an abundance of thoughts, and there's a character limit on posts! 💜💜💜🫶

See you in the next part! (If you choose to, ofc!)

[noxexistant]

OKAY. I will start with rehearsal shenanigans because there have been very many, and I want the world to know how chaotic and wonderful my cast is.

So I'm playing a Race who utterly resents Davey for the whole first act of the show, which has translated into a running joke where I, acting as Race, will deadpan snark Davey's actress at any given opportunity. My favorite moment of this so far was last week when we were running Seize the Day and she tried to throw an arm over my shoulder, at which point I shoved her off and glared. It took a moment before she goes "NO this is Act One! Nooooo :( " Earlier in rehearsals she was chilling on the ground and asked me to help her up when blocking started again. I crouched down like I was going to, then said "No. Suffer." and walked away, (It's all good fun, she and I are good friends!).

Scab 3's line has been changed so she says "heck" instead of "hell." The change for this was quite dramatic, since she had already learned her line and she was SO excited to swear onstage xD The director apologized and told her "we don't want to upset any grandmas in the audience." Scab 3 replies to this with "But /my/ grandma won't care!" Just so devastated xD

Less of a problem now, but in Act One Jack kept saying everyone else's lines but forgetting his own, which caused a lot of confusion and a lot of teasing.

Finch's actress had trouble getting the timing for "HEY What's the hold up?" In Carrying the Banner for the first half of rehearsal and when she finally got it right she screamed the line so loudly that she scared Splasher's actress and made her jump a good foot to the side.

Speaking of CtB, Elmer manages to hurt himself every time we run that song. The kid has so much energy and the blocking has him flinging himself down on the "And DEAD" line and he commits too hard xD

Also in CtB I managed to smack Jack in the face during one of our first runs of the dance and we both started laughing so hard we couldn't finish the song ^^'' CtB is dangerous in our show xD

Splasher as a character is selectively mute and goes nonverbal in high stress situations. Splasher's actress, meanwhile, is the one who gets us yelled at for talking when the director/music director/choreographer are trying to give us instructions. I look forward to seeing if she can really stay quiet during the show ^^'' (I love her dearly, but she's got a motormouth)

One guy is double cast as Morris and Spot. His quick change time is *insane* and we all have to make a path backstage as he books it to his spot for Brooklyn's Here.

Also Race abandons Crutchie to Snyder at the end of Act 1 :3 We told his mom (who is play Jacobi) about that and her response was "People will have FEELINGS about that." kind of warning, but we were just like "Yes. That is the point. >:3" She's one of the only people who actually knows though - Crutchie's actor and I have been planning in secret. We even had a private powwow behind the theatre to finalize things last week and we both glared when a parent came around the back. She very slowly backed away xD

Whenever Finch's actress is asked why her character's nickname is Finch she spouts the most disturbing, concerning story she can think of. It is never the same story twice. We have now incorporated that into her character so her morbid weirdness is now canon to our Finch.

Also Pulitzer (stage) punched Jack in the face a good eight times at rehearsal last week, so that was fun ^^

And I think that's a good spot to end! There's lots more, and of course a ton of lore (I haven't even mentioned Tommy Boy or the Tommy Boy Defense Squad) but it is late and I'm gonna go to bed~

!!! oh this is so detailed i am so excited

first off: LOVE race n davey having a complicated dynamic marked by race’s resentment. he’s so biting and mean to davey in uksies and it’s fantastic, and the fake-out with the helping up is SUCH a race move. i can just picture davey grumbling as he clambers up by himself, race walking away all the while.

scab 3 is so valid! (#letscab3sayhell) but honestly i think i like the line as “what the heck” even better - it sounds more childish, and they are just kids!

finch scaring splasher is SO cute (and something to be more expected of someone like albert). elmer getting so excited he injures himself, however, is deeply on-brand - as is race hitting jack in the face and then laughing about it. that’s real brother vibes right there

!!! selectively mute splasher my beloved!! that’s such a good idea, and the actress struggling because she talks a lot is so sweet 😭 i have full faith in her pulling it off! channel the splasher! (imagine finch is gonna come scare her again if she talks)

a morris/spot double cast is WILD, i love it - the gap between him n oscar dragging jack to the basement and then brooklyn’s here is so slim!! that is a QUICK change. incredibly funny to imagine being mowed down in a hallway by morris delancey changing into spot conlon for a song though

also crutchie’s mum was RIGHT, i have MANY FEELINGS about race abandoning crutchie

lying about the origins of the nickname does feel very finch. i can see him straight-facing “oh, i ate a bird. i’unno if it was really a finch, though.”

thank you so much for sharing all these details!!! i love hearing about stuff like this, everyone’s lil things they add to characters is so so fun. and just the general chaos of theatre

[jaesvelvet]

scariest night — hamada asahi

warnings: grammartical errors

words: 1.8k words

pairing: husband! asahi + fem reader

notes: hi!! before you read this, i didn't study about medical so i didn't know if it make sense or not and enjoy reading!! <3

You open your eyes when your throat feels dry, you turn to your left— not surprised when Asahi is not there, beside you. He must be sleeping in the studio... Again.

You didn’t realize when you let out a sigh from your mouth, it’s been a month he didn’t come home often. Of course, you understand his work as a producer. He is completely busy in comeback season, and you wouldn’t mind if he sleeps in the studio for a day or two, not for a month. You want to talk to him about this but every time you want to speak up he is either asleep or playing with your daughter, Aimi.

It’s 2 am now, he didn’t even bother to text you or call. You get annoyed at his behavior, leaving you and your daughter alone.

Grabbing the water bottle from your nightstand, you take a sip for your dry throat. The sound of the door creaked, making your eyes look up to the door, hoping for Asahi. Your eyes soften when the person who opened the door is not Asahi but Aimi, pouting while hugging her teddy bear tightly.

“What’s wrong baby?” you asked, get out from the bed you shared with Asahi, walk towards your daughter.

“There’s a monster under my bed,” she said slowly, showing her puppy eyes to you. You smile, it’s not the first time she said there’s a monster under her bed, this is one of her tricks to sleep with you and Asahi.

“Really? Do you want to sleep with mama then?” you asked, caressing her brown silky hair.

Aimi nods her head

“And papa too!”

“Honey I’m sorry, Papa is still at work, tonight you sleep with me okay?” you said earning a pout from her.

“Why is Papa always not here?” she asked

“Well, Papa needs to raise us so he needs to work hard for money”

“I miss Papa,” she said

You kiss her forehead and carry her to bed

“I miss Papa too” you murmur, making sure the little girl didn’t hear.

+.*

You toss your phone to the couch, cursing under your breathe as Asahi didn’t pick up your call. You wander around your living room, having no idea how to reach your husband. Aimi has been coughing nonstop this week, you wouldn't bother to call Asahi if it’s just a normal cough, but when she said her chest pain whenever she cough, that made you worried sick.

Your phone rang making you flinched, you sigh when you saw your mom’s name on the screen instead of Asahi’s name. Lazily you press the green button and put your phone to your ear

“Hello, mom”

“Y/N I hope you do not forget about today’s dinner!” your mom said excitedly. Your eyes shut tightly, you did forget about today’s dinner. Your mom has planned this dinner for a month to celebrate your sister’s graduation from Seoul University.

“Of course not mom haha” you laugh awkwardly. You don’t want to come, you rather stay home with Aimi, but you hate seeing your mom’s disappointed face. She has been planning this for a month, she also said that she misses Aimi so much, how could you not come?

“That’s great! Don’t be late, I can’t wait to smooch my granddaughter” that is the last word your mom said before hanging up.

You sigh for the nth time. Like it or not, she needs to come to the dinner, she could ask her dad to send them to the hospital after dinner.

You enter Aimi’s room, her face a bit pale and shivering under her thick blanket, holding your tears, you slowly caressing her hair, waking her up from her sleep.

“Honey do you want to go to grandma’s house?” you ask

She looks at you for a second, processing your words maybe before giving you a wide smile from her chapped lips.

“Yes! I miss grandma so much” she said

You kiss her forehead and helps her to get up from her bed

“Grandma also misses you so much, but you need to shower first okay?”

“Will Papa be at grandma’s house too?” Aimi asked, her eyes full of hopes, making you scared to lie to her.

“Yes Papa will be there too,” you said with a reassuring smile.

+.*

“Grandma!” Aimi runs to hug her grandma, she laughs when your mother starts kissing her face. You thanked your sister for booking an Uber for you if she weren't here, maybe both of you didn’t come for dinner.

“Why are you so thin, did your mom's food taste bad?” she asked

Aimi laughs and shook her head, she wrapped her arms around your mother’s neck

“Mama food taste the best but can’t beat grandma’s!” she said

“Hey!” you frown, making both your mother and your daughter laugh.

You let your daughter stick around with her cousins while you waiting for Asahi to come, he texted you that he will make it to the dinner, you didn’t put your trust in his words so much as he seems to love his work more than both of you.

You feel relieved when you see his car in front of your mother’s house, you called Aimi to inform her that Asahi is here, she wastes no time and runs towards her dad. Asahi smile when he saw her daughter, he immediately wraps his hands around her small body and carries her towards you.

“I miss Papa,” she said, pouting to her dad, Asahi let out an apologetic smile to her and kiss her cheek

“I’m sorry pumpkin, Papa is very busy right now, but I promise, I will take you to the funfair if my works are done, okay!”

Aimi nods excitedly, Asahi kisses her forehead for the last time before letting her down to play with her cousins.

“Why do you never answer my call?” you asked, glaring at him.

Asahi sigh, he silks his hair back and looks at you.

“Seriously Y/N? I just came back from work, and this is your first question? No ‘how are you?’ or ‘did you eat yet?’” he asked

You scoff, crossing both of your arms on your chest

“You’re the one who should ask me that, you left us for a whole month Sahi”

“I left you for a reason, I have so much works to do, I thought you agreed with me for staying in the studio?”

“For a couple of days, not a whole month!” you nearly scream, you try your best to control yourself, not wanting to make any scene.

“You know how am I when it comes to work right? I need everything to be perfect, you should be more understanding”

“Leave, then”

“What?”

“I said leave! If you love your job more than—”

“Don’t twist my word Y/N, I never said—”

“Y/N, Asahi! Aimi faints!” your sister screams

Both of you immediately run towards Aimi, your whole body shaking when you see Aimi on the floor, her face pale, worst than before. You quickly carry her and making your way to Asahi’s car, he starts the engine and drives to the hospital.

“You still need to call an ambulance, you know how deep your mom’s house right? I’m afraid we didn’t make it to the hospital as soon as possible” he said

You nodded and dialed 911. Your mom's house is deep in the woods, it would take half an hour to get to the main road.

“What happens to her?” Asahi asks

“S-she’s been coughing this whole week, and today she said her chest pain whenever she cough and I tried to reach you, but as I said you love your works more than your own family,” you said

Asahi sigh. Talking back to you can’t make Aimi recover, he realized that he gives his attention to his works more than his family.

You are at the back seat, caressing your daughter’s pale face. You couldn’t stop praying, hoping she would be alright. Your hands that caressing her pale face, moves to her neck, your eyes getting bigger when you feel her pulse getting weak, you scream and softly tapping on Aimi’s cheek.

“Aimi, please don't leave mama yet” you cry, your hands cold as ice, your heart beats faster than usual and your tears couldn't stop from falling. Asahi cry on the spot, is this really the last moment for them?

He presses the gas pedal more, the car getting fast through the crooked road.

“Aimi, please” he prays

The loud sirens making both of you guys sigh in relief, Asahi stop the car in front of the ambulance, you quickly getting out from the car and pass your daughter to the paramedics. Asahi pulls you into a hug, your knees weak at the side of your daughter lay on the bed while the paramedics take out the defibrillator and place it on Aimi’s chest.

You bury your face on Asahi’s chest, you are reluctant to watch the scene in front of you.

“Aimi would be okay, she is strong” Asahi whispers to you, he rubs your back and kisses your forehead to calm you down. A moment later, the defibrillator success ending the dysrhythmia, Aimi’s heart begins to beat slowly. You slowly push Asahi’s body away and enter the ambulance to accompany your daughter. Asahi gets back to his car, follows the ambulance, he harshly hit the steering wheel, how could he ignore your call? If he could turn back time, he would rather spend time with you and Aimi than at the studio. For now, he could pray for nothing to happen to Aimi.

+.*

You and Asahi sit silently on the chair, watching your daughter breathe with the help of an oxygen mask. The doctor said that Aimi suffering from Pneumonia. Coughing, Pain chest, and hard breathing are symptoms of pneumonia. Luckily it is not worse yet and still can be treated, Aimi needs to stay in the hospital for a couple of days.

Asahi licks his lip, he softly rubs your hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said

You didn’t give him a reaction, you were too tired to deal with anything after your daughter almost died in your arm.

“This is all my fault, I should know my limits when working, I- if only I pick up your calls— gosh I hate myself so much” he starts sobbing, covers his face with his palm and his shoulders bounce since he breathes in and breathes out in quick succession.

“Everything is okay now” you whispers, tapping on his back

He shook his head

“Y/N, love I'm truly sorry,” he said, facing you, you could see his red and swollen face from crying earlier.

You give him a reassuring smile

“I hope you learned your lesson, please come home, babe,” you said. He nods and hugs you tightly, tonight is the scariest night for the both of you.

[dykefight]

I want to share some of the experiences of my loved ones and myself that started leading me to radical feminism

One of my best friends (currently a 19 year old college student) used to have an onlyfans and currently sells underwear online. She says that the most humiliating moments of her life happened on onlyfans and similar websites. She had guys ask things like would she have sex with her brother, could she cry on camera, or if she would piss herself for them. There were two men she encountered that still make me sick to think about. The worst one was a man who regularly paid for videos of her pretending like she was being raped by him without a condom. She would beg for him to stop, not to impregnate her, and she cried and screamed. She was not allowed to get any pleasure from it or she wouldn’t get paid. The man only found pleasure in the idea of a teenage girl being traumatized and abused. The other man paid her to dominate him over the phone. He wanted her to control every aspect of his life. He was nearly 30 at the time while she was 18. The worst part of this ordeal was that they knew each other from when she was around twelve or thirteen. During this time I watched her mental health rapidly decline. Her poor mental health ended up causing her to quit less than a year after starting her account. Now she sells underwear and the conditions are no better. She’s been asked to sell worn underwear, underwear she’s pissed in, underwear with her period blood in it, and underwear she’s worn while masturbating. She has been masturbating so frequently that her skin over her clit has begun peeling. The idea that this is empowering her as a woman makes me sick. It’s basically a form of self harm. Anytime I mention that she might need to slow down she explodes, ranting about how she loves doing it, how it’s good money, and that it’s her choice. No woman should be brainwashed into that mindset.

Two of my other friends have been coerced by their boyfriends into sex that they didn’t want. One of them was guilt tripped into having anal sex by her boyfriend. She didn’t want to have sex until marriage, which he already knew prior. She said he looked so disappointed that she felt like she had to let him do anal. She also said this was easily one of the most painful experiences of her life. She ended up being pressured into vaginal sex only a few weeks later. Another friend was VERY adamant about saving any kind of sex until marriage. Her boyfriend pretended like this was totally fine until around a year into their relationship. He starting persuading her into giving him handjobs and blowjobs, insisting that they were meaningless acts and no big deal. She complied but still wouldn’t let him do anything sexual to her. Eventually he got impatient and decided to touch her while she was asleep on a school trip. She admits to being scarred from this, but insists that he didn’t mean any harm and that he wouldn’t do it again. In March, they were at a party together and had a fight. My friend is known for being a lightweight. While she was furious and drunk, her boyfriend was barely tipsy. He apparently decided that the best way for her to get over it was to push her into a room and have sex even though she was fully unable to consent. At some point, someone walked into the room, saw them, and told everyone at the party about it, including complete strangers. People still bring it up to her like it’s some funny story. Neither of my friends see anything wrong with their boyfriends or their actions. I, along with mutual friends, have tried to bring it up but they insist that it was a one time thing, their boyfriends didn’t know any better, and that we’re being over dramatic. It hurts me to know that they’re just one of many girls who dismiss sexual assault just because they’ve never been told what is wrong in a sexual relationship.

My mom was raped by my father while they were dating. My mom was raised in a very religious family so she saw premarital sex as one of the ultimate sins. She was okay with everything except penetrative sex. At some point, they were naked together and he saw that as an invitation. She froze up and couldn’t bring herself to stop him. That was how she lost her virginity. It wasn’t until she told me that she realized he raped her and that was only because I told her. She didn’t know she was raped until over 30 years later. She said she always thought she asked for it since she was naked around him and let him get close enough for it. She didn’t know that there are multiple types of rape until much later in life, so she never connected the dots. If she had known, she might’ve been able to save herself from the abusive marriage that followed.

Speaking of my mother and her marriage, she was also taught that getting a divorce was a sin in the eyes of god, especially if the wife initiates it. My mom couldn’t bring herself to divorce him in the beginning and then once she had kids she couldn’t divorce him until she made sure he wouldn’t get joint custody of us. She suffered through 35 years of abuse all because of some bullshit she had forced upon her since she was young. My grandma on my moms side experienced the same thing and wouldn’t divorce my grandfather who cheated on her and had a child with another woman.

These last ones are my own personal experiences. I, like many women, have faced sexual assault multiple times. The first time was when I was 12 and sexually assaulted by my long time family friend who was 15. He was best friends with my cousin who I am very close to so he also became a friend of mine. We also went to the same school. One day the three of us were at my cousins house and I was sharing a blanket with the friend. Under the blanket, he began to brush his hand along my ass which I thought was an accident since we were on a small couch sharing a blanket meant for one person. It soon escalated to him grabbing my ass under my jeans and through my underwear and then cupping my boobs. This was all while my cousin sat five feet away. When I finally got the courage to get out I got a text from the guy begging me not to tell my cousin. It took me nearly a month to tell my family and the school. My family said they would cut all contact with his family and the school said they would make sure I never had to be around him in a school setting. However, almost immediately, my family went back to being friends with his family and my school went back on their promise. Even though the guy confessed and I had the texts as evidence, he faced no real repercussions. Another guy continually harassed me over the course of our freshman, sophomore, and junior year. He’d do things like grab me, slap my ass, stick his hand down my uniform, grind against me during class while I was bent over, and he always found new ways to contact me after being blocked. When I finally told a teacher mid junior year, the way the school “punished” him was by having his football coach talk to him. This is the same football coach that’s known to indirectly slut shame girls in front of everyone. The guys behavior towards me didn’t change so I just gave up. I was never taken seriously when these incidents came to light. Everyone just assumed it was something to brush off. That it’d go away after a gentle scolding. Even my peers who say they’re all about protecting and defending women basically responded with “that sucks” and moved on.

I turned to radical feminism because it’s given me a place to be heard. I can speak my mind. Even if someone doesn’t agree with me, they’ll have a civilized discussion or simply move on rather than start an argument.

[imaginesmai]

Arvin Russell - The right time

SO YEAH I SAW THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME AND I LOVED IT!! My opinion about it is at the end! In case you haven’t seen it and you still want to read this, you can skip it by not looking at the A/N. Let me know what you think about the film in the comments, please! Or just message me! I’m feeling like writting about him, so please 

SEND YOUR REQUESTS.

Plot: Arvin’s father always told him to wait for the right time, and he thought it was the only right way to do things. Now, when you’ve been hurt because of him, he’s ready to take the matters into his own hands.

WARNINGS: TDATT SPOILERS. Mentions of rape. Murder. 

Arvin didn’t know if the preacher had heard him or not coming in, because he hadn’t turned around to look at him. If anything, that only made him angrier. He was sure that if he had heard him and looked at him, he wouldn’t have spared him another glance. Because Arvin Russell wasn’t of his interest, not because of the money and the gender. The last thought made him tighten his grip around the gun, willing himself not to shoot him before the right time.

Since Lenora’s death, he had been waiting for the right time. That was what his father told him; to wait for the right time, and then to avenge yourself. He had been doing pretty good with that mantra, or at least most of the times. Arvin had followed the preacher to his house and to his adventures with young women. He had watched as he fucked a young girl from Lenora’s class and then went back to his wife, scoffing when dinner wasn’t ready and urging her to satisfy him when bed time arrived. He had held his gun tight to his chest, knowing the right time would eventually come; and then, he had hated his father more than ever, because listening to him had almost caused another precious death.

“Arvin!” his grandma called from downstair. Quickly, he closed the notebook where he was keeping track of the preacher’s actions. “Boy, Mr. Y/L/N is here!”

Arvin frowned at the mention of your father. You had known each other for your whole life, so he knew your family story; that your mother had left you after promising your father that she would leave her adventurous life when she got pregnant. She left with some young man that was going to travel the world, and your father had locked himself up in a unbreakable shell, forgetting about his eleven’s years old daughter.

Not once he had seen your father outside your house, you being in charge of dropping food and money for him. Not matter how many times Arvin had tried to convince you that you would be better on your own. Even living with him, once your relationship wasn’t just friends anymore. But you had just shook your head softly and told him that you couldn’t leave him, not yet.

So it was strange that it was your father and not you who was knocking on his door. He had agreed to meet you that morning to show you finally what he was on lately, since he couldn’t hide anything; but you hadn’t come, with the excuse of visiting Lenora’s grave once more. You were her best friend, so after offering to go with you, he agreed on meeting you at night.

Briefly, he looked to the box where you two were saving a bit of your earnings for your life together. He doubted your father knew about it, so he got up and walked down the stairs.

“Here he is” Emma smiled at him. “Well, I’m leavin’ you to it. I’m in the kitchen”

“Arvin” your father called his name, voice croaked from not using it. “God, you’re a man now”

Arvin gave your father a small smile. The man, once handsome, broad and tall, was now hunched shadow. He had a several days long beard, skinny arms and wide clothes. Mr Y/L/N was hiding his hands behind his body, only making him look worse. Still, Arvin extended one hand and offered him a shake, greeting him.

“I’m – uh, sorry, you didn’t have to come down. But Emma started calling you before I could explain” he gave him an awkward chuckle.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Y/L/N. Is there… anything I can help with?”

“Is Y/N here?”

The question caught Arvin off guard, because usually you spent days in Arvin’s house and your father didn’t notice as long as there was food on the fridge. Lately, the man had been doing an effort of getting better, and some nights you had told Arvin how he had attempted to cook for you. From there to wondering where you were there was a huge step, and for a second Arvin tried to sniffle for any track of alcohol. There was none.

“Usually, I wouldn’t really care but, you know – getting better and all” he tried to explain himself. “She spends most of the time here, so I thought that maybe she’s around? I haven’t seen her since yesterday’s afternoon”

The last part caught Arvin attention. He talked with you last time before starting yesterday’s shift, which was before noon. And you told him you were going to spend the rest of the day with your father, and that the next morning you intended to pay Lenora a visit. He hadn’t worried about it, because he had been busy and trusted you to take care of yourself. But if you hadn’t slept on your house, then there was something to worry about.

“She… Y/N told me she was goin’ to spend the mornin’ in the graveyard” Arvin mumbled.

“Oh, she went yesterday after you left her home” he explained, making Arvin’s blood run cold. “I had things to do so she told me she’d go and then pay you a visit”

Your father said something else, but Arvin wasn’t listening anymore. There was another person he had missed last night; the preacher, who usually went home somewhere near eight, didn’t appear until very much later. He knew because he had been waiting outside his house, watching his wife sitting in front of a cold dinner with tears on her eyes. He had thought nothing of it at first, but now, he choked on his breath knowing what could have happened.

Arvin’s body collided with your father when he walked past him and ran out of the house, hearing the man calling out for him. His grandma also looked through the kitchen window, screaming his name before Arvin disappeared into the field that went to the town’s graveyard.

Thinking about it, Arvin knew it was like finding a needle in a haystack. Knockemstiff was full of sinners, bad people and wicked intentions. Even if you didn’t go to highschool no more and worked to provide to your father, Arvin had had to deal with a few men who thought you were available, whether you wanted or not. There were a lot of people who could have hurt you, a lot of reasons why you didn’t go back home last night, and none of them made sense in his head.

You knew how to defend yourself, you had a car that could help you to escape any delicate situation, and you never got lost. Not once you had wandered off without telling anyone, not even your father. Even if he wasn’t listening or paying attention, you always told him where you were going.

Thoughts ran past his mind at the same time Arvin ran past his neighbours and cars, trying not to collide with anyone but finding it difficult, since he couldn’t see much past his oncoming tears. Loosing Leonora had been one thing. His sister, his family and the person he had fought nail and tooth to protect for so many years. He had been waiting for the right moment to avenge her, to put a bullet in between the preacher’s eyes, or maybe a few. One for every second she had suffered hanging from that rope.

And he swore, that if he had had anything to do with your disappearance, there wouldn’t be an inch of his body untouched by the bullets.

He wasn’t as late as he could have been, he guessed. The police was warned, a group of villagers offered to help, and Arvin himself kept running in circles around the graveyard for the whole day. Even Grandma, who wasn’t in the best shape, had helped into the search. And she had been the one who had found you, maybe because she had just this woman-ly instinct or because God had wanted it to be a woman who found your naked, bruised body and not some sinful man.

Arvin had arrived then – and sure, you were alive, recovering in his room because he didn’t want to leave your side ever again, barely saying a word and healing from the bruised kidney. But you weren’t fine, you weren’t smiling at Arvin and cradling his head when he lost his track. It had been obvious what had happened that day, why it had taken Arvin a few hours to find each piece of your clothes and where the bruises around your thighs came.

Your father had dissapeared again, locking himself in his room and forgetting about his daughter once more. But Arvin had been there every second for the past week, getting you to eat what you could and holding you tight through the nightmares. 

The bench he was sitting on creaked under his fingers when Arvin thought about your sobs, how your tried to hide beside him when last week you complained about Virginia heat. The preacher looked back to Arvin, who wasn’t visible because of the cap.

“Excuse me, preacher” Arvin’s voice didn’t waver. “You got time for a sinner?”

Upon hearing Arvin’s voice, and knowing it wasn’t anyone from his interest – a girl – he turned around and motioned for him to keep going. It wasn’t any more about Lenora´s death, because Arvin would have had enough with killing him. Maybe making him suffer for a bit, making him feel the desperation of knowing death was the only answer. Now, however, Arvin wanted to cut off every inch of skin that had touched yours.

“Go ahead” preacher Teagardin told him, going back to his lecture.

Arvin took his time, talking about everything that the preacher had done of thought about since he put a foot in Knockemstiff. He talked about how the preacher forced his wife to please him late at night, how he ordered her around as if she was just a servant. He talked about how he liked young girls, those who were innocent enough that didn’t have to be forced, just manipulated. About the pregnancy, and how he cowered away once his decisions had repercussions.

He watched from behind his cap how the preacher left the book on the bench, his eyes widening in size as he realised the sins Arvin was talking about were his. He turned around finally, locking eyes with Arvin, but not recognizing him. Why would he, though, since everything he looked at were Arvin’s precious girls. First his sister, and now his girl. As he continued, he shifted the gun on his lap, wanting to end his story before blowing his brains out.

“And there is this other girl. She ain’t like the rest, cause she doesn’ fall for the lies. So I decided to approach her when she was alon’, kicked her head open and brought her to the back of my car. Forcer her and left her in the woods” Arvin’s finished. “Didn’ care if she was a ‘right or not. Just fucked her good and left her to die”

“Who are you, boy?” the preacher chuckled awkwardly, getting up. “Why don’t you take off your cap?”

“She was found, thankfully. Naked, bruised, unconscious. She doesn’t talk no more, just cries” Arvin’s voice was full of venom, finally taking off his cap. “But I don’ care, cause I ain’t responsible for that neither”

The preacher went to jump forward, maybe hoping to kill Arvin, scare him away or knock him unconscious. If it came to Arvin’s word against his, probably just a few people would believe Arvin; but the truth would come out eventually, and both of them knew it. No one would ever know what the preacher would have done then, because true to his word, Arvin Russell didn’t leave an inch of the preacher’s skin untouched from the bullets.

-

Later that night, Arvin walked into his dark room, knowing it would be his last night in Knockemstiff. He still didn’t have a plan, didn’t have a way to leave without being chased or hurting his family. For that night, he was just a scared boy whose responsibilities would have to wait.

He climbed into the room through the window, not making any noise and avoiding his grandma and grand uncle. If they didn’t know he was there that night, they wouldn’t have anything against the police; they would be safe. They would be just fine with the money he was leaving behind, probably a bit tight but enough to have a good life. The next problem, however, was harder. He let you nest against him when he crawled into bed, let you hide your face against his neck and not talk for another night of what happened that day. Not that there was much to talk, because it wouldn’t happen again.

Not knowing if you heard him or not, Arvin told you what he had done. Tears ran down his cheeks when he told you how he couldn’t stop pulling the trigger on him, how he would do it again and again, and how he felt guilty about not doing it sooner. The same as your father, he expected you not to hear a word of what he had said. But you surprised him when your shaky, thin hand made its way to his cheek and made him look at you.

“You can’t say anything, Arv” your whispered, the pale cheeks a contrast with your hard voice. “We need to run away”

“W-we?” Arvin frowned, confused. “You can’t – darlin’, I-I can’t… you and, uh, we –“

“You’re not leaving without me, Arvin Russell”

For the first time in a week, you pressed your lips against him. He had almost forgotten how it felt to have something good, not just rage and pain. Arvin let more tears fall as he slowly cradled the back of your head, not wanting to move in case it would end. It didn’t last longer, anyway; soon, you were tearing away. But rather than just cuddling his side, you laid your head against his shoulder and hug his middle.

He had thousands of thoughts that he wanted to say. That he was sorry, for not telling you sooner what he was doing and for not taking better care of you. That he should have taken care of the preacher on the begging, and not trusting on the advice of someone who killed himself in front of their kid. But he didn’t say anything, just hug you close, knowing there was no way he would leave the town without you.

Because together, everything felt like the right time.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists​, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

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A/N (my opinion on tdatt):

So, WOW. I saw it last night because I don’t have Netflix, so I had to meet a friend to watch it. And it was - wow. The way Tom Holland and Robert Pattinson go out of their way to work their accents and roles is amazing. Even though I hate the preacher’s character (who doesn’t), I loved how Robert works with him and makes him his. He’s always an amazing actor, but this time he outdid himself!

And Tom... Well, he got me with the first word he said. That part when he’s with Lenora and gets beaten up... and then, the way he avengers her from the bullies is amazing. I also loved watching how he had a relationship with a fem character that wasn’t romantical. He showed every emotion, thought and action with just his face, and I love him for it.

I don’t think it’s a film that should be seen just becuase he’s in it. It’s amazing, breath-taking and beautiful. I love this kind of films, but if you don’t is understable. It’s quite violent and can tigger anybody. Still, I’ll give it 8/10 - becuase I would have loved to see more of other characters! Message me if you want to talk about it

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

From Eden: Three

Warnings: noncon sexual acts, mentions of mental illness, grieving, trauma, panic attack; tags to be added throughout series

This is dark!Bucky. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: The mc suffers from agoraphobia. After a new neighbour moves in across the street, her home becomes even more of a prison.

Note: I know it’s been a while...

Thank you so much for your patience! And support!!

As always, if you are so inclined, please like, reblog, and comment. <3

Transcript:

Sunday

When Dr. Tisha and Lorena left last night, they were still angry with me. I didn’t care much as both of them lectured me again over that man. I told them the same things I had before. I don’t want to know him.

 They suggested at least that I save the money I made for a day out. Lorena said it would be good for me to try to go into town and do some shopping myself, for myself. The thought made me choke but I just smiled and said, “we’ll see.”

 Now I’m awake, early again. I keep hearing things in the yard. I tell myself it’s a raccoon or something else, maybe even a bat! One got in the house last year and I locked myself in the bathroom until I was brave enough to grab the broom and chase it out. Looking back, it’s sort of funny.

I looked out the window but I just saw shadows that made me nervous. The bird bath was eerie in the dark and the shed looked decrepit. I thought I saw something move along the wall but I’m sure it’s only me being tired.

 I did try to go back to sleep but then I started thinking about things I haven’t thought of in a long time. About the things I told Tisha I never want to think or talk about ever again. 

Then I thought about grandma and mama. Why did they have to leave me?

Later

I was in the garden when it started to rain. It started with a big crack of thunder and I almost screamed at how scary it was. It came so fast I barely got inside before I was soaked through. Then I giggled at myself as I stripped out of my muddy jeans and wet tee shirt.

When I was a kid, I used to love to dance out in the rain, or just stand and let it wash over me. When my mother died, it stormed and I sat in the downpour until I got sick. The drops hid my tears and numbed the pain of that lonely ten-year-old. I’m older now but sometimes I still feel like a kid.

 I watched the sky darken through the window and the smell of the rain in the dirt was comforting. I made tea and kept watching. The sky would flash, a cacophony of awe, and I felt as if I was living in an old Hitchcockian shot. I liked to think there was a camera there to catch the perfectly framed scene, the frightening and frantic swell of the storm that reflected the suspense of the human catastrophe about to take place.

 Then the horror was no longer just in my mind. I cleaned my cup and turned. As I passed through the dark hall I saw a shadow flash at the window of the door. I gasped and rushed forward to check the latch but the figure was gone. I peeked out and there was nothing.

 Now I’m still awake and I think I just got carried away with my imagination. I’m watching The Wizard of Oz but the colours aren’t as bright as they used to be. At least, they don’t seem like it.

🖊

Monday

I don’t remember falling asleep. It must’ve been late, or early depending how you look at it. I woke up to the blue screen as the VCR had stopped and rewound the tape. It was still dark, the sky hungover from the wild night.

 I made blueberry tea. It was too sweet after I let it steep for too long. I watched the morning birds bask in the full bird bath and slowly the sun began to shine down. It’s brighter now and I’m going to try to fix the shed window.

🖊

Tuesday

I couldn’t write anymore yesterday. Not after what happened.

I can’t.

🖊

Wednesday

I 

On Monday, I

He was here.

 I was hammering the board back into place and I hit my finger into the nail. The metal left a painful blister and my knuckle split and bled. I cried out and dropped the hammer as I held my hand and tried not to tear up.

“You alright?” he asked and I looked at him, afraid.

He was at the gate. Had he been there, watching me? I nodded and wrinkled my nose in pain. I couldn’t bend the top of my finger. I hid my hand and left the mess on the ground as I rushed to the front door to hide inside.

“Hey,” he called as I whimpered, dumbly trying to turn the handle with my hurt hand, “you’re hurt. I can help.”

 I shook my head as my finger throbbed. I looked at it and cringed. It was really bad.

“I just want to help.”

“Why are you here?” I watched the door creak open and didn’t look back at him, “why are you bugging me?”

“I was just walking by and I heard you,” he said, “I know how to set your finger… or I can take you to the hospital.”

I didn’t want to go to a hospital. The thought makes my stomach hurt. I hate hospitals.

“I can deal with it.”

“You’re bleeding a lot,” he insisted and I was getting really annoyed.

“What do you care?” I don’t understand him or why he kept bothering me and hanging around my gate!

“Well, I won’t lie to you, your friend, Tisha, she told me to keep an eye on you,” he said through the bars, “so yes, I was watching you.”

“She’s not… not my friend,” I was so angry. Why would she do that!? She doesn’t even know him, I don’t know him, “she’s my doctor.”

“Can I help you with your finger? I’ll stop watching but you need to get it set and soon.”

“I don’t care. I got nine others.” I was mean and didn't care.

“Then I can call your doctor? She gave me her number in case--”

“No, no,” he couldn’t call her. She’d be mad at you and she’d make you go to the hospital, “don’t call her, please. Just… stay here.”

 I went inside and with one hand, I searched under the counter for the dinged old white chest. I pulled it out by the thin metal handle and went back outside. The way he watched me made me nervous even though he was so calm.

“If I let you in, you have to leave right after,” I said as fearsomely as I could, “and this is the only time you’re ever coming in.”

“You’re shaking really bad, that must hurt,” he looked at my hand and ignored my warning.

“Do you get it!? You have to promise to leave after.”

“Sure, just let me help,” he nodded.

 unlocked the gate and slowly opened it for him. We sat at the patio table as he searched through the old box of first aid gear. He took out gauze and found two straight sticks from the garden. He tested their strength and sat back down.

“Give me your hand,” he said.

 I reluctantly put my hand on the table and hissed at the pain in my finger. He cleaned it carefully and I looked away as he went about his task. It hurt less not seeing it. When he finished wrapping it up, I pulled away and stood.

“Good, now go,” I pointed to the gate.

“That won’t be good for more than a day,” he stood, “I have some real splints at my house. I could come back-”

“I told you, no,” you jabbed your hand towards the gate, “out.”

He was quiet and he looked around. His jaw set as he considered the thick garden and his eyes narrowed.

“The flowers are doing good,” he said.

“Please, leave,” I begged, he was making me nervous. 

I was still shaking but not from the pain. I remembered that night, it wasn’t just one, it was several, and they laughed as they stood over me. They were smaller than him, just teenagers, like me, but they still hurt me.

“Go!” I shouted, “go! Go! Go!”

 He grabbed my shoulders as I began to hyperventilate. I hadn’t been so worked up in a long time and I could stop as the fit began. I chanted the word over and over as my body shook so violently and my voice became only deep and painful breaths. My chest burned so bad.

 I didn’t remember what happened after that. I only remember him in my house. I was on the couch and Dr. Tisha was there too. 

When I could speak again, I asked her to make him go. She ignored me and said that he helped me, that he had kept me safe by calling her. 

 But I saw his smile and how he looks at me. I saw the way he paced around the house and noted every inch of it. I watched him as Tisha fed me chamomile tea.

 She didn’t want to leave me alone, she said. She thought I should go to the hospital for my finger and for a mental evaluation. I sucked up the panic in my chest and told her I was okay, that I remembered the exercises and it wouldn’t happen again. I could tell she didn’t really believe me.

“I’ll stay with her,” Bucky offered and my eyes rounded.

“I’ll be fine,” I told Tisha before she could respond.

“You’re not fine,” she said, “in good conscience, if you won’t go to the hospital, I need someone here to monitor you.”

“Lorena--”

“She’s off-the-clock. I can’t expect her to come here right now, she has other clients.”

 I frowned and crossed my arms and crushed my injured finger, “why can’t you stay?”

“Well, I left a session for this and I have others waiting on me. I would stay if it was an option. Listen,” she sat and spoke to me like I was a child, “this man is a public servant. He is a good man, in fact, I think he’s a lot like you. Now it would be wrong of me to go into detail about his experiences but I have it on good authority that he knows better than even me what you’re going through.”

 I shook my head and pouted, “I won’t hurt myself. Not again.”

“I wish I could believe you,” she said, “but recently you’ve shown some serious regression. If you keep arguing with me, I will be obligated to have you escorted to the hospital and kept for seventy-two hours...

Or Bucky can stay until Lorena comes by tomorrow and I can return.”

“I didn’t do anything. I got nervous.”

“I won’t ask again.”

“Fine, fine, he can stay,” I gave up. The thought of another hold at the hospital was enough to make me give in. I couldn’t do that again.

So Bucky stayed and I didn’t sleep. Again.

And I didn’t write and I can’t anymore. I don’t feel good.

🖊

Thursday

There’s a lot to catch up on but I don’t want to write about it. I never want to think about it again.

Bucky’s gone, Lorena and Tisha made their visit on Tuesday, and I’m fine.

I’m fine.

🖊

Friday

 feel him still. He’s watching me. I know he is! 

 He was in my house, he slept on my couch, he walked through my halls. I smell him still and it makes me sick.

 I see him through the gate, he doesn’t try to hide anymore. I called Tisha for my daily check-ins. I’m back to those again. I told her he was watching and she told me he was only concerned. She said I was exaggerating. She thinks I’m crazy!

 The walls used to protect me. I used to hide behind them but now I just feel trapped.

 He’s watching again. I see him through the window. He’s at the gate, his metal hand on the bar as he searches for me. I’m going away before he sees me. I’m turning out all the lights and locking the doors.

🖊

Saturday

The gate is broken again. The face of the lock fell off and one of the bars is bent through several others.

 The lower hinge is busted and I found footprints in the dirt. There are tulips missing from the garden, the pink ones. I got those bulbs from grandma, her last gift to me. I’m sad.

 The doors are still locked and all the curtains are closed. I can’t even turn on the TV.

Later

He was in the house! I know he was! The window to my bedroom was open and the blankets on my bed were all messed up. I woke up on the couch as I usually do. I feel asleep reading a book with only a candle. The candle was out and the pages of the book were bent.

 I got up to go to the bathroom. I felt weird. My shorts were damp with sweat. The house is so hot with the windows shut. I stopped when I noticed my bedroom was open, I always closed the door.

 It’s really hard to write because I’m still shaking. It wasn’t just the window or the blankets. There were pink tulips on my pillow. 

I know it’s him. He’s playing a game with me, a game I don’t like.

 I’m scared and I hear someone in the garden. I can’t remember if I locked my bedroom window. I was so afraid, I can’t remember.

I can’t remember.

I can’t~~

[wildcraftedwoman]

Being at my parents’ house for the last two weeks while I transition to Berkeley and await my apartment has been severely exhausting, exasperating my suffering greatly. I just need to vent even if nobody reads this in the end.

Within a few days of getting here, my dad screamed in my face suddenly about how “fucking stupid” I am and “have been my entire life” right in front of my children who were afraid. We left in such a hurry that my daughter had no shoes and we stayed out late into the evening. He also becomes suddenly anxious and yells at my mom and me, a constant source of chaos. Like when he recently belittled me and reminded me that I didn’t have a real job like my brother and yelled at me for simply wanting to get ready in the bathroom one morning. They said they would provide me with a mattress but instead have my husband and me sleeping on the couch. This has triggered a new painful ongoing ache in my spine that keeps me awake all night so I’m very sleep deprived while attending a full time online class for Berkeley. My dad literally sleeps on a camping blow up mattress in the kitchen, and everyone in the household treats this as normal. When it’s not taking up the kitchen, it’s pushed against the wall in the living room and no one cares how trashy this is. He whines in pain all night and will not stop talking about how he’s in so much pain, he would like to throw himself off of the Golden Gate Bridge. I keep reminding him that a whole lifetime of sleeping on the couch every night and eating unhealthily got him here, but self awareness has never been their thing. I’m exhausted. The hoarding here is not as it was in my adolescence (extremely distressing) but still very much stressful and causes me great anxiety. My parents literally shop 2-4 times a week for things they don’t need while forever (literally) neglecting my grandma’s house, letting it slowly ruin. They constantly buy my kids cheap crap that breaks, despite my protests, and my girls are starting to get materialistic here and value trashy items like their grandparents. I have declared that none of it will come with us to the apartment and that my parents aren’t allowed to buy them gifts or take them shopping all weekend at malls and garage sales any longer. There is a nasty mold problem here but they’re so afraid of a potential burglar coming through a window, that all windows and blinds are always to remain closed. We get in trouble for not locking the door for this reason even if we are home. Putting an item in the fridge is like playing Jenga, you hope it doesn’t fall or make everything tumble out. There’s no room in there and my mom often refuses to let me get rid of rotting food in there. It was so disgusting, I found mold growing on the shelves. I got into an argument with my mom the other night because she insists on keeping old plastic tubs, and says she collects them and then gives them away in batches on FB Market. I told her to get a real hobby like reading! My parents insist they just need a bigger trash can and house, that they simply do not have enough space. The dining room table and floor is covered in trash and hoarded items, so my poor girls eat their meals on step stools. I hate that they sleep in my mom’s bed and that each night before bed, she has to go outside and smoke cigarettes exposing them to secondhand smoke on her. The hoarding is bad enough where when my parents are away, I throw away as much as I can without them noticing. They got mad at me for throwing away the intense Lysol spray they use as an “air freshener” for rooms, as I was tired of my children and I breathing it in constantly multiple times a day. I was horrified the other day when my husband sent me a photo of my dad in the backyard holding a plate of raw food to be barbecued while simultaneously spraying weed killer around the grill. As I type this all at 4 am, I can feel the anger boiling up inside as my dad screams out in pain non-stop and the camp mattress shifts in its rubber. The last two weeks have been absolutely distressing and I’ve felt terrible for exposing my children to this dysfunctional home.

[aeondeug]

So while I was reading GtN and HtN I occasionally stopped to be like “Wow, it’s great how these can be just so gay!” And like. That is really great. Super great. I love that about them. But I also remember at least once stopping and going “Wow, it’s great that there’s no homophobia here!” And like at the time I just kind of nodded along to myself. Around when I just finished GtN, I remember being very fond of the bit after the book with like the guy explaining like. The deal with necro/cav relationships in The Media and throughout history and how actually none of these things have ever been romance. This is just a pure relationship, unaffected by naughty things like ROMANCE. WHY DOES EVERYTHING NEED TO BE ROMANCE?! shouts the author of this paper. And I laughed at this. Because it reminded me a lot of people who do this shit with queer love. They do it with history and just go “Why does Sappho have to be gay, why can’t she just have passionate feelings for her BFFs”. Which is mindbogglingly stupid to me and anyone who has so much as LOOKED at some of the poem fragments. But like people do say that shit. And they do this a lot over like queer anything in fiction unless it like punches you in the face with rainbows immediately. “Why do Bubblegum and Marceline have to be gay? They’re just friends!” is a take that I legitimately saw on the day of the finale. And not just once. I saw it a few times. And I’ve seen that happen over so many ships in so many things, whether or not the ships end up canon. “Why does it have to be gay?” and the specific sort of outrage over it I’ve seen in essay length posts is just common, and that sort of outrage reads very similar to the argument that dude made about necro/cav relationships. It reads like that and close enough so that I made a joke about it even. I didn’t think too, too much on this at first though because I mean. We have Abigail and Magnus. They’re right there. A man and a woman, a husband and a wife. So like I was able to simultaneously go “omg it’s just like those why can’t they just be friends WHY DOES IT NEED TO BE GAY people” and also “wow it’s nice that there are spooky negative queer experiences of SADNESS here”. Which has got me thinking. Ok. So we have that essay. Now what else do we have in the books? I suppose could point at the entirety of Gideon and Harrow’s just furious refusal to admit that they might actually be in love with one another. Even though it appears to be obvious to literally everyone else in the galaxy. And is obvious to the readers. Hell, Gideon even has a moment of feeling like she needs to tell Harrow something the day before she dies. Something which is heavily romance coded, I don’t know the word for it. But like a “Wow I feel a need to tell them something and it’ll be my last shot” before a death just kind of always reads “It was an ‘I love you’. They needed to say it and didn’t get a chance”. So we’ve got that and, specifically, we’ve got their outrage at the suggestions. Gideon stresses that she’s JUST Harrow’s cav. And she’s very fucking insistent on that. Part of the why is that she knows Harrow is in love with a fucking dead girl in a casket but like. It just hits a certain way. There’s also Harrow’s just repeated disgust she expresses towards the concept of necro/cav relationships. She needs to explain away to herself that like, well, Abigail and Magnus were ALREADY married before he was named her cavalier primary so maybe that makes it fine. And even then she’s not like super duper comfy with the idea. A taboo has been broken, Harrow feels, and she needs to get really rules lawery to find any comfort with that. Other small things that feel of note to me here are the nature of the ways we know that these two are gay outside of like. Their weird thing for one another. With Gideon we’re introduced to it basically immediately with her joke about titty mags. Harrow specifically makes a comment at some point that some of the magazines Gideon gets are very gross, yes. Her interest in women is explicitly made sexual from the get go, and the idea that The Gays are just weird sex fiends and there is no love there is a frequent one. With Harrow meanwhile we know because she says she’s in love with the girl in the Locked Tomb. Who is very much dead. A thing that is fucky enough that like there is an entire song and dance about “GIDEON THE FIRST IS MAKING OUT WITH A CORPSE??????” and how Harrow is a hypocrite for being so offended by that all. Also the girl is behind the door. She is something that isn’t supposed to be seen or known about or, heaven forbid, woken up. That is all the ultimate taboo and Harrow not only fucking broke that but she looked at the girl and went “Wow I’m in love” on the spot. So we have this collection of things that could be read as some sort of metaphor for like...The taboo nature of queer love. “Why can’t they just be friends?” and issues of purity and the lack thereof. And we have characters who are very clearly in love but who can’t just admit that because they think there’s something fucking wrong with that. Gideon’s JUST her cav and Harrow is also in love with a dead chick. We also have Magnus and Abigail around who are just like. Happily married and fine with things regarding their whole necro/cav aesthetic. Ianthe doesn’t seem to give a shit that Gideon’s into Harrow at all. There’s a fondness for necro/cav relationships enough that there’s an entire romance genre centered on them and like characters in the cast are fond of those, some of them. Things appear to be Fine, at least as far as their friends are concerned. Maybe the asshole writing the essay that kicked this pondering off would have an issue and a stuffy old grandma would pitch a fit. But like their friends don’t have a problem with necro/cav shit. But we still very much have Gideon and Harrow being “Well no. We’re just a necromancer and their cavalier. GOD.” Now part of what got me thinking about this is that I recently decided to start watching Bly Manor. Because fuck it we haven’t yet. And specifically part of why is I remember seeing an analysis of it done by Rowan Ellis which had this bit where like the argument that “Bly Manor proves you can do queer stories without homophobia being a part of it!” is brought up and like...Ellis is like “Ok but we very much do just lock a queer woman in a literal closet while she screams to be let out”. And lo and behold in the first episode we very much do just lock a queer woman in a literal closet while she screams to be let out. In an episode showing that she’s like just unable to go back home for...some reason. And that she has some sort of difficulty with her relationship with her mother. No, the show is not having the character literally go “Wow I sure am in the closet and I kind of fucking hate that woe is me I am so gay”. But figuratively? It’s all over the place in that first episode. I’m not sure about the others because I haven’t watched them, but it is there in the very first one. And that’s something horror does very well. It takes things that are scary and uncomfortable and bundles them up in shades of metaphor. It hides them from  you by showing you the thing cleverly disguised. Maybe you do not notice it the first time through perhaps. Maybe you felt that a certain thing like the closet scene resonated very hard with you and you’re not sure why. But you perhaps don’t consciously go “Aha! It is the horror of being closeted!” Upon looking back on it or back through it though you might notice it. And be like “Oh that was there. Holy fuck.” Now maybe you’re also someone who isn’t like. Comfortable. With straightforward depictions of specifically queer suffering. Maybe it’s just too scary. But with this show hiding it in a metaphor you got to sit through that. You got to be brave enough to sit through a very, very scary thing. And afterwords you go to think about it. This is the power of metaphor and it’s something horror has been very, very good at doing for ages. Maybe racism or homophobia or whatever else is too nerve wracking for you to look at face on in media, but maybe you can watch a movie or a show where the horror of those things are very much there but cloaked in metaphor. And so maybe we are getting that with Gideon and Harrow’s weird issues around how “taboo” their feelings are. Two people who are just unwilling to believe that it might be that thing, in part because that thing is “taboo”. Except instead of the taboo being literally “They’re lesbians, Harold,” it’s instead cloaked in a comforting metaphor of necro/cav relationships and some dude who is really fucking offended at people’s space ao3 fanfictions about his historical favs. Which is important because every fucking scrap of anything one gets is an argument. It can’t just be that they’re in love. It’s that you must PROVE it and some asshole with a degree or just a bone to pick is going to come by and be like “WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE A NECRO AND A CAV” about it all. And like I’m someone who’s known they’re into other women for a long while now. At least half my life. We have conquered that hurdle. But we haven’t entirely unpacked all the weird little societal bullshit that is still in there. Hiding. Lurking. And that societal bullshit specifically frames that sort of love as something gross and taboo and “Why Can’t They Just Be Friends?”. With that last thing hurting a lot. I’ve constantly run across people going “Why can’t they just be friends?” or going “They just have a sisterly relationship!” about things I shipped. Even when those things involved shit like the characters kissing on screen or mentioning that they’ve been dating in a sequel series. I can’t simply like my ships. I can’t simply see myself in romance. Because my sort of love is so taboo that it is, in itself, a debate. Maybe being shown the thing cleverly disguised as another thing might help me unpack that. At the very least it helps me look at it. When it’s something that hurts a lot to this day.

[fireladybuckley]

Ooooh your mum!!! Sorry to butt in but you need a hug and I’m a mum so have one from me - that’s so not ok to say to you. I’m so sorry you have to go through that and from someone whose supposed to be on your side and be there for you makes it more painful.

If you need a cane bloody well use one - why are people like that! We have things to make life easier for a reason , suffering is not noble. Help existís in all forms and should be used whenever needed.

In fact get or take help before it’s needed if you can, before it goes from bad to worse to unbearable

I’m mad on your account - hugging you tight

Hope you don’t mind me chipping in and that the rest of your day improves a little

💕💜💕

Thank you, Nonnie. This had me crying by the end. I’m not sure who you could be but I appreciate you so much.

My heart hurts today. My dad is trying to play diplomat and pretend our upset is equal, but it’s fucking not. I didn’t do anything wrong. She made my disability about her, told me my Grandma (who had horrific arthritis and other bone problems from the age of 65 or so) didn’t get her cane until she was 80. I pointed out she didn’t have arthritis in her mid 30s like I do and my mother just lost it, screaming about how much my grandmother suffered and how I can’t compare us (I didn’t, she did….) and just going on about how dare I talk about her and how much she suffered and how she didn’t get a cane until after years and years of pain she couldn’t handle walking anymore, and I said yeah, that’s why I wanted to get one while I was starting to have issues, to hopefully prevent it from getting worse…

(And I’d like to point out for absolute clarity that I did not say ANYTHING about Grandma and her actual suffering, it was horrible what she had to go through. Literally all I responded to was the 37 thing, and she somehow took that as a personal insult against Grandma’s issues, which I’m honestly quite offended by because I was Grandma’s favourite person and she was mine, I would NEVER downplay what she went through…)

To her, canes/mobility aids are endgame. In both that she thinks canes are for old folk going into their end, declining mobility part of life, or for people with very debilitating physical conditions like CP or others like it. I think she was trying to insinuate that I shouldn’t have a cane because I haven’t suffered years and years with excruciating pain yet (debatable), that it should be a last resort and if I actually need one well, I must be REALLY messed up.

And she’s just so saaaaaaad that her girl has soooo many issues and she’s soooo young. She said she was sad I had a cane 2 or 3 times before I pointed out that I’m the one dealing with my problem, and she full on told me “it’s not just about you, it’s about me too, my feelings…”. Like no it fucking isn’t. My decision to get a cane before I could no longer walk (a wise decision on the whole, prevention is best!) has nothing to do with her, and the simple fact that her 37 year old has a cane “makes [her] sad :(“ just feels really shitty because like I’m the same person as always, I just have some trouble walking. Doesn’t mean my life is over or worth less or something.

Anyway I’m feeling really crappy. But thank you so much for this post. You are very sweet and i really appreciate the mom hugs <3

[marvelettesassemble]

Choices (Fred x F Reader)

Summary: You arrived with Charlie at the battle of Hogwarts just to witness Fred being crushed by the wall. You helped him while Charlie is searching for your sister Nymphodora Tonks, just to tell you that she didn’t make it. So it was your choice: staying in Britain and helping raise your sisters kid or going back to Romania to follow your dream.

Warnings: Battle of Hogwarts, death (but Fred lives)

Word Count: ~ 4.100

A/N: This was supposed to be something completly different, but I kind of like the ending. And somehow this is the first time that I’m anxious to post something since I started writing again. So I hope you enjoy!

It had taken a while for you to arrive at Hogwarts. You had to take a detour, but you had finally managed it. You were travelling with Charlie Weasley – a friend you had made at the Dragon reservoir in Romania. When you got the message that the battle was starting NOW and your sister would participate you quickly walked to Charlie. You had talked about it before, but you hadn’t realized that you would have to leave so soon.

„Charlie, is that your family?“ you asked when you saw three people who had the same hair colour as him.

„Yeah, the twins and Percy,“ he said with relieve in his voice and started to make his way over.

You followed him and before you could reach them a curse hit the wall behind them. Charlie and you sent both a stupor in the direction of the attacker.

„Fred,“ you heard the brother with glasses scream. He was busy shoving the brick pieces away.

„Can you do something?“ Charlie asked you when you arrived and you kneeled next to the person on the floor, who seemed to be Fred. The pulse was there – barely, but it was there.

„I can’t promise anything. He’s no dragon. And I need to do it now, we can’t move him. I need protection,“ you said.

„Please try,“ another voice said and belonged to someone who looked exactly like the person in front of you.

„Okay, I put both of our lives into your hands.“

„Do you know where Mum and Dad are? Ginny? Ron? Bill?“ Charlie asked, but didn’t get the answer he hoped for. „I’ll search for them. I’ll look out for Tonks too,“ he squeezed your shoulders saying his thanks and telling you silently he’d look out for your sister just like you did for his brother.

„Can you help me to remove the last stones?“ you asked and Percy helped you while George stood guard and then you zooned out. You had managed to come up with a new technique for dragons who had problems with breathing when they came into the world. In the reservoir you tried to protect the species who were a dying breed. So you tried to do everything that there would be more of them and you had to get creative.

You had managed to get into the system of the dragons, feeling for the organs and trying to form them to make living for the dragons easier. So it was no lie when you told Charlie that were worried because his brother was no dragon. His body was different, but you hoped it wouldn’t matter. You sat down next to Fred, put your hands on his chest and let your mind wander.

You started with his lungs, which were the first target as the bricks had fallen down his torso. When you managed to form them again you moved to the airways. It was difficult and strength-draining. You couldn’t rush in fear that his body wouldn’t mend or wouldn’t accept the sudden change.  

„We can move him now, but I’m not done. I’d rather one of you would levitate him and I’d do the protecting, my stunning spells are rather powerful.“ They agreed and told you that you’d move to the great hall. It has been some time since you’ve been in Hogwarts so George led the way.

It did take a while for you to arrive but you figured it would still be better healing one twin there than in an open hallway where you were an easy target.

„Have you seen my sister? Tonks?“ You asked when you arrived at the Great Hall.

„Haven’t seen her or Remus for awhile,“ George said. You nodded and looked to the right, where a young boy was laying motionless on the floor. He was really young and your stomach turned. You quickly looked away, you needed to focus on Fred. When Percy laid him down on the floor as you asked him to, you took your seat next to him again and turned everything else out.

It took long. Charlie was a really good friend of you. You met in Hogwarts and when you heard how much he loved it in Romania you decided you wanted to go there too. And so you started a friendship there and you didn’t want to tell him, that you tried but failed to heal his brother or that he’d suffer because you hadn’t given it all.

Suddenly you felt something flicker under your hands. Surprised you took your hands back afraid you’d done some damage. But then you realised that Fred had opened his eyes.

„How are you feeling?“ someone asked him. You quickly looked around you and noticed a lot of red heads around you.

„Like I’ve been hit by a wall,“ a dry voice replied and after a second in silence the first one began to chuckle.

„Do you have trouble breathing?“ you asked and felt relieve when he said he didn’t. You quickly learned that the battle was already over and that you’ve won.

„Where is Tonks?“ you asked and stood up, but the healing took a lot of your strength and your legs were stiff from sitting so long. Strong arms steadied you, arms which bore a lot of scars and burns just like yours. „Charlie, where is my sister?“ you asked again.

„I’m so sorry,“ he said. When you had thought about the battle you hadn’t thought one second that your sister wouldn’t make it. Not once! Because your sister was a fighter and a damn good auror.

„Her husband?“ you asked and he shook his head.

„Your family?“ was your next question.

„They’re all okay. Harry and Hermione also,“ his familiar voice answered.

„Okay, that’s great,“ you said with a monotonous voice. You were really glad but you felt kind of numb, because all you could think about was that your nephew didn’t have his parents anymore. How could you tell your parents, that your sister wasn’t there anymore? You asked if you could see them and Charlie pointed to the place where two people lay holding hands.

You didn’t recognise your sister immediately. When you thought about her there was always a great energy surrounding her, her hair a bubbly colour and a smile on her face. The person in front of you didn’t look like that at all. And so it took a while before you broke down and took her hand into yours.

„You were her sister, right?“ someone asked behind you. You nodded.

„You’re Harry,“ you said when you looked at him. „You’re the godfather of Teddy.“ It was his turn to nod. He sat down next to you without saying anything. You suddenly felt the need to hug him. When you told him that you wanted to, he let you and put his hands behind your back.

And suddenly you felt so tired you couldn’t even form a word. Exhaustion took over your body and you didn’t notice the panic you caused Harry when you fell limp in your arm.

You woke up when you felt someone poking your side. You slowly opened your eyes. „Charlie?“ you asked when you just saw some red hair.

„No, its George.“ You opened and closed your eyes until everything focused. „I’m really sorry, but Fred has trouble with breathing. Can you take a look at him?“

You nodded, feeling a headache and your eyes felt swollen. „Where am I?“ you asked when you took in your surroundings.

„You’re at the burrow, our home. You passed out, so we took you home with us. Most of us camped in the living room, but we gave you Charlie and Bills old room. Can you come downstairs with me, please?"

"Sure, I’m sorry. I’m not a morning person, I need my time after waking up.“

„Technically its still night,“ he said sheepishly.

„Lead the way,“ you said when you finally stood in the room. You followed George steps after steps until you reached a room crowded with people. Mattresses were all over the floor and people were sitting by each other.  

They made room for you so you could sit down next to Fred. „Charlie, can you get me some water?“ you asked when you noticed him near you. You introduced yourself to Fred and asked him where it hurt.

„It’s not really hurting it’s just difficult to breathe. I would have let you sleep, but the all keep fussing around me.“ He admitted.

„Okay, I’m going to put my hands on your chest and then I want you to breath slowly in and out, so I can take a look what’s wrong. If there is something wrong or when you feel pain I need you to grab my hand or arm, I won’t hear anything, okay?“

„If this was just an excuse to touch me..“, he started and you chuckled. You thanked Charlie for the water when he handed you a glass and get back to work.

You closed your eyes and concentrated on the body in front of you. You quickly found what caused the trouble. A dent in the air way made it difficult for him and you formed it back the way it used to be.

„Is everything okay so far?“ you asked when you didn’t notice anything else.

„Yes, thank you,“ Fred smiled at you.

„I need to go to Mum and Dad,“ you said then, but Charlies hand stopped you.

„You need to eat something first, you’re exhausted. You won’t make it. We already messaged your parents. Come eat something and I’ll bring you there.“

And so it came that you sat in the Weasley kitchen with Harry next to you, Ginny on his other side and Charlie next to you with Mrs. Weasley in front of you. You supposed the food was good, but you didn’t really taste anything. You were anxious to get home to your parents and Teddy. So you left pretty quickly and you promised to see Harry the next day with Teddy.

You had decided to stay in Britain and to give up your job in Romania. It broke your heart a bit to leave that behind, but it would have broken your heart more when you would have left your family and Teddy.

Your Mum wasn’t the youngest anymore, more a grandma than a mother and you weren’t ready to take care of a baby on your own. This wasn’t what you had imagined your life. And Harry needed to get his life together first and start to think about what he’d want.

Currently Teddy stayed with you in your apartment and you were at a loss. When Tonks had written to you that she was expecting, you thought it was kind of funny to send a little plush wolf. What you didn’t expect was that Teddy would become obsessed with it. And now you had lost it and the baby wouldn’t stop crying. You rocked him in your arm while searching for the plushie.

A loud noise was heard behind you and you turned around to see Fred in your apartment. The baby in your arms was still crying and you must have looked helpless as Fred walked directly towards you and took the baby out of your arms. Immediately the crying stopped.  

“How did you do that?” you asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the habit.” he shrugged.

“Do you have kids?”

He laughed. “No, but many siblings.” He cooed at the baby and when you looked past him you saw the wolf right before your couch. You quickly grabbed it and pushed it into Teddys hands who giggled happily. “You missed our meeting, so I wanted to check on you.”

“I’m sorry. We fell asleep and then he was crying and crying and he threw up and I’m still full of vomit I realise now.” You picked at your shirt. “Could you maybe watch him for me? I’ll be quick with a shower?”

He laughed and told you that it would be fine and you could take your time. You really enjoyed your shower, but you went still quickly to your room to change. You walked back to the living room and smiled when you saw Fred who was playing with Teddy. You grabbed the bag you had already packed.

“Okay, we can go, but I’m afraid we have to use the floo powder. I learned the hard way that Teddy doesn’t like to apparate.”

When you arrived at the burrow Mrs. Weasley welcomed you. “We were afraid something had happened, dear,” she said.

“I’m sorry, but Teddy was fussing and throwing up.” She patted your arm in understanding.

“We still have some time before we’ll eat. You want to check up on Fred first?” she offered. She took Teddy in her arms and you walked with Fred to his old room.

“So, any complains?” you asked and went to work. You didn’t really need to blend everything out it was just formal for you to check him over.

“Just one,” he admitted. “With my heart.”

“What?” you asked shocked and moved your hands towards the place where his heart laid.

“Yeah, it’s beating awfully fast whenever you’re near me,” he smirked at you.

“Fred Weasley, I can’t believe you. I was really worried I messed something up.” You crossed your arms and left the room.

“Everything okay?” George asked when he saw you storming into the kitchen.

“Your brother is an insufferable flirt who doesn’t seem to understand when he needs to be serious.”

“That means at least he’s himself,” George smiled at you. You walked over to Harry who had Teddy in his arms.

“I have to show you something,” you smiled at the younger boy who you’d spend much time with as he wanted to see Teddy often. You grabbed the little picture book out of your bag. “Hey Teddy, you see the elephant?” You asked and pointed at the picture of the grey animal. “He has a cute little trunk, hasn’t he?” His little hands grabbed at the book and when his finger touched the picture and followed the outline of the trunk his nose started to form and he soon had a little trunk himself.

Harry and George laughed and Teddy was glad someone was laughing and let out little hooting noises which made the other ones laugh louder. Although this wasn’t what you had wanted in life you weren’t sad. Although you couldn’t take care of the dragons anymore you were taking care of another human being and you had help from a lot of wonderful people.

Charlie sends you letters with pictures of the dragons, telling you how they were doing and in return  you sent him pictures of Teddy. And Charlie was surprised that in almost every photo was a Weasley or Harry.

You were invited to the reopening of Weasleys Wizard Wheezes and your mum insisted that Teddy stayed with her and you made yourself a nice day. While others couldn’t wait for the shop to open up again you were curious what it looked like as you’ve never visited it.

You had to admit that you were surprised how many people were in front and obvious in the shop. So you decided you’d wait a little bit before you’d visit the twins. After eating ice cream you finally entered the shop and lost your voice for a moment. There was so much going on that you couldn’t decided where to look first.

“Hey do you know how much the Puking Pastilles are?” A young guy asked you and hold up one in his hands. Just behind him there was the price written so you answered him and he walked happily away.

“Already helping, love?” a voice you had heard quiet often asked. “Come, I want to show you something.” He grabbed your arm before you could do anything against it. “They are brand new, I hope you like them.”

He stopped in front of a cage and you had to look twice to make sure your eye wasn’t playing tricks on you. “Are these dragons?” Your voice was getting higher near the end of the sentence.

“Yes, it took a while. Here, hold one,” he opened the cage and quickly grabbed one of the three little dragons and placed it into your hand.

“Is this an Antipodean Opaleye?” you starred fascinated at the miniature dragon in your hand.

“They are your favourite, right?” Fred asked.

“Yeah,” you breathed. And then you realized that you had a dragon in your hand. “Why am I holding a dragon, Fred? They need special care,” you wanted to say more, but he interrupted you.

“Calm down, these aren’t real dragons. They just look like them. Imagine them as puppets who move around. They don’t need food or anything. We invented them and I promise you there were no dragons harmed.”

You calmed down a bit and watched as the dragon started to walk on your arm. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s yours.”

You wanted to protest, but then George appeared at your side. “Just take it, we want you to have it. You don’t want to waste Fred’s work, right? He lost a few nights sleep over this.”

“At least let me pay for it,” you said and took the dragon in your hand again.

“No way, see it as some payback for giving me back my brother. I couldn’t even imagine how I should have done all the work without him.” George said and gave you a half hug before he disappeared to help some customers.

“You’re already doing so much. All the meals at the burrow and the meals Molly gives me for home, you looking after Teddy.”

“We want to, just accept it,” Fred hugged you shortly.

“I’m going to take a look around. But I’m going to pay for whatever I want to take with me.” you smiled at him.

“Call if you need help,” Fred winked and disappeared also.

-x-

Teddys first words were spoken on his first birthday. You were celebrating with your parents and the Weasleys at the burrow as it provided the most space. He was currently in Harrys lap who told you all about his training as an auror. You almost felt like old times when your sister told you she started her training.

Teddy wanted attention, but Harry didn’t notice it at first. “Mum!” Silence filled the room. And then Teddy began to cry. “Mum,” he cried again. You were shocked and not quite sure, if he meant you or your mother Andromeda. When Teddy cried harder and put his hands toward you and you still didn’t move – because you were not his mother, his mother was your sister, who was dead and how were you supposed to tell this little kid this? – Fred put his hand on your shoulder.

“He wants you, love,” his suddenly soft voice was in your ear.

“I’m not his mother,” you said slowly and quietly.

“How is he supposed to know that? You’re by his side almost all the time,” you mum said. And Harry was standing in front of you holding the crying baby so you could take him if you’d reach out.

When you finally did and Teddy was secured in your arms, he slowly stopped crying. He put his hands up to your face and pulled at your lip while he giggled and the word ‘Mum’ left his mouth multiple times. Tears gathered in your eyes but you refused to let them fall. Freds hand was still on your shoulder, his thumb rubbing circles onto your skin. Harry was looking at you, as were the rest.

“We’ll explain that he has two mothers in time.” Your mom offered and then you started crying. You pressed the little body into you and started crying. Teddy started crying again and your mother took him from you.

“I’m so mad at Tonks. Why did she walk into the battle and left us with this mess. How are we supposed to tell this little innocent human that his mother isn’t with us anymore? How are we going to explain this mess? That he thinks his aunt is his mother? That his godfather is barely legal himself? That I’m a horrible person because I’m mad at my dead sister because I had to leave my dream behind? I don’t know what to do with myself. I never wanted this, but I wouldn’t treat him for the world. He’s everything to me and I’d protect him always.”

“Don’t you think Tonks and Lupin would be glad that you’re taking such good care of him that he thinks of you as his mother? We’ll figure something out. Maybe you can help out in the shop for a few hours if that’s what you want,” Fred offered.

“No one is angry at you. We’re all adapting and it’s obvious that Teddy needs you. I think you need him too,” Harry offered you his arms.

“What are you doing Friday night?” Fred asked on one of his many visits.

“The usual?” you said while you put away the dishes from dinner while Fred wiped the table clean.

“Lets go out. I know for a fact that you used to visit the pub in Romania frequently,” he said. “We can ask the others or it could be just the two of us, whatever you prefer,” he said almost sheepishly.

“Thats because there was nothing to do there BUT to go to the pub. We were in the middle of nowhere. And if I didn’t know you better, I would say you were too afraid to ask me out on a date,” you laughed not really thinking what you had said out loud.

“What if I was?” he asked and stopped with the cloth in his hand.

“Yeah, right,” you were still smiling until you turned around and looked at his face and were surprised to see that he wasn’t joking. “Are you serious? Fred, I know you did all the things because I kind of saved your life, but I want you to know that you owe me nothing. I’m glad and I appreciate everything you and your family have done for me, but you don’t need to.”

You already felt like a burden.

“We do this because we want to. I’m here all the time because I like to spend time with you. I want to take you out on a date. I guess you kind of touched my heart in more than one way when you put me back together,” he said and looked you in the eyes.  

“I’m older than you,” you said.

“So?” he asked.

“I don’t come alone, I kind of have a kid,” you went on.

“Does it seem like this bothers me? I like him and he likes me, I come from a big family.”

“I don’t want more kids.”

“Don’t you think I know that? Would you just go on a date with me? We don’t have to plan a future now. Just go on a date with me. Maybe it’ll be great and if not we can go back to just how it has been. We’ve got nothing to lose,” he said and grabbed your hand.

“Okay, but I have to find someone who will look after Teddy,” you said.

“Oh don’t worry. George already said he’d take him,” Fred smiled brightly at you.  

“Got it all planned, huh?” you asked.

“Sure, I have for a while now, love,” he smiled brightly at you.

The date went well, and after that first one there came a second and a third. It wasn’t easy with a little kid around, but Fred made it easier and of course the rest of the family. It wasn’t always fancy what you did, most of the time you fell asleep on the couch because you were exhausted. Fred was around so often, that most of his clothes were at your place than at his own flat. So, George asked him one day why he didn’t pack all of his stuff so he could use the extra room.

Teddy grew up with so much love. You’d tell him stories about you and your sister growing up, Harry would tell stories about his dad and you made sure that he knew where he came from.

It took a while for you to find something else you wanted to do besides dragons. And your heart grew heavy when you looked over at the little dragon Fred had gifted you, who was sitting on your night table. George had confided in you, that Fred had just come with the idea of it to impress you. When your eyes shifted, they found a picture of Teddy in a dragon costume, which Charlie had gifted him, and you knew that you had made the right decision when you turned around and cuddled more with Fred.

[randomly-a-fan]

Sacrifice

Warning: Kidney Removal

A sequel to @tuttifuckinfruttifriday​‘s story [Link]

Since that dreadful evening with the evil shadow (Shadow Man). Jason is more protective than ever during the night. However, MJ was the most dreadfully scared; she almost lost her daughter, her precious baby. She didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. 

So at bedtime, MJ insisted on watching over Malon while her daughter sleeps peacefully. Jason saw how tired MJ is; he knew that MJ is a living being and that all living beings need their sleep. Jason however, is an undead being, so they don’t normally need sleep. So he walked over to MJ and went down to his knees in front of her so he can talk to her in his handwriting. “You don’t have to watch Malon all night, I can take over while you get some sleep.” Jason wrote. “I rather be awake than drifted off to sleep and then wake up hearing or seeing Malon suffer... No... I’m staying up...” MJ said with a yawn. Jason knew that MJ is going to fall asleep, but he’s not going to ask her to go to sleep, he’s going to join MJ on the night watch. With MJ on his lap, he knew that she’ll fall asleep eventually. As a matter of fact, she did.

When morning came, MJ woke up on her and Jason’s bed. She gasped and rushed over to Malon’s room. She saw that Malon was slowly waking up as Jason held her in his arms. MJ was relieved that Malon was alright and that her dad was here to protect her. But she can’t live her life worrying about something that might happen eventually. She needed to do something, and she knew exactly who to ask.

***

A few hours later, Aquarius picked up MJ to spend the day together. Aquarius’s belly was getting bigger, yet still look amazing. “You look great Aquarius.” MJ complimented. “Thank you sug’. Cassandra was a huge help when it comes to Maternity Yoga... Let’s stop over at the gazebo.” Aquarius suggested. MJ explained to Aquarius earlier about what happened to Malon the other night and needed to speak to her in a private area. 

Aquarius comforted MJ every time she starts bawling. “I’m sorry that has happened to you MJ... I know what it was like to nearly lose your loved ones. I nearly lost my son to that burnt son-of-a--” “Yeah you don’t have to finish that last sentence, I got the concept...” MJ cut off before Aquarius had the chance to finish her cuss. “Since you’ve been married to Pennywise for so long, you might know a little something about evil spirits.” MJ added. “Well, Pennywise doesn’t stop that sort of being, to be honest, the Shadow Man can not be destroyed... However, there is a way to keep that shadow being out of you and your family’s existence.” Aquarius explained. “I’ll do anything for the sake of my family, even if it means ‘my life',” MJ said triumphantly. Aquarius made a worrying impression, as she knew that it’s going to be risky and extremely dangerous. “The only one that can keep The Shadow Man out of you and your family’s existence is...” After MJ heard the name, it shocked her.

MJ is willing to take whatever chance she’s got, and Aquarius will be by her side when she was in need, even if the person that can take care of the shadow beast is Freddy Krueger. So Aquarius drove MJ to a cheap motel on Elm Street while explaining to MJ that she has to give up her most prized possession; if she didn’t want to sacrifice her soul or anyone she cares for. “Do you have something that you treasure most?” Aquarius asked. MJ looked at her favorite ring; the ring that her grandma bought for her for her birthday. “My ring is very special to me... As much as I don’t want to get rid of it... I’m doing it for my family.” MJ said bravely. Aquarius nodded and put MJ into her bed and placed a chair next to her to watch over her. “Now remember MJ, if Freddy wants to kill you, don’t be afraid to scream, because I’ll be there to wake you,” Aquarius assures. MJ nodded before she took a sleeping pill and went right to sleep, ready to meet her worse nightmare.

***

In the Dream World, MJ was walking around nervously, until she heard a voice. “I see that you came alone... without your big mama’s boy to come and save you... bi*ch...” Freddy chuckled. “I want a word with you... Come out of hiding, I dare you!” MJ said, even though deep inside she was scared. When MJ turned around, Freddy came out from nowhere. “I know exactly why you’re here... There was this shadow-f**k that was after your family and nearly killed your daughter in her sleep... Is that right?” Freddy asked. “H-how did you know?” Freddy made a smirk. “I’ve been spying... Even though I can’t continue on going after your daughter, or Jason... I can at least find your weakness within your soul...” Freddy explained.

MJ took a breath before she spoke. “Aquarius told me that you can accept the person’s most prized possession... And I have one...” MJ pulls off her ring and showed it to Freddy. “My grandma bought this for me for my birthday when I was young... She died afterwards, and I never want to lose it.” MJ explained. “And you thought I could just take this ring and banish The Shadow Man from your existence...” “And my family’s existence, yes.” MJ finished. Freddy took the ring to have a look. “Hmm... 4K White Gold... Very nice... But... That doesn’t really bring the colour to my eyes, I’m more of a solid gold kind of guy.” Freddy said. Instead of giving the ring back, he threw it away. “HEY.” MJ cried. “If you want your family to live, YOU have to give up something of yours, BI*CH.” Freddy roared. MJ teared up while crying. “Please... I don’t want to die... My family needs me and I need them... Surely there’s something I could give you... Anything...” MJ plead. Freddy smiled at her pleads. “Anything?” Freddy asked.

***

Meanwhile, in the real world, Aquarius was still watching MJ sleep and saw some tears. “Something is happening to MJ, should I wake her, or wait till she’s screaming?” Aquarius asked herself. Just then she felt her cellphone vibrating. It was Freddy Krueger. He was explaining to her that he was going to do something to MJ that doesn’t involve killing her. “Wait... You’re going to do WHAT?” Aquarius asked in shock.

[From The Dream World]

“That’s right Clown-Bi*ch, I’m going to take one of your friend’s kidneys for myself... So don’t even think of waking her up even if she screams, or else you’ll end up killing her when you thought you were helping her, so keep your mouth shut bi*ch!” Freddy hung up his phone.

Freddy had MJ in her restraint to prevent her from moving. “This is very simple, but you mustn’t squirm if you want to live through another day...” Freddy warned. “Once I give you my kidney, we don’t have to worry about The Shadow Man, right?” MJ asked. “Cross my heart, hope to Live. I’ll prove it to you.” Freddy pulled down the collar of his sweater and used his knife to make a cross on his heart spot. MJ nodded as she was convinced. “Now to give you some anesthetics... Pleasant dreams!” Freddy said before he gave her a needle to put her to... well... double-sleep. The last thing MJ heard before she doses off was his maniacal laughter.

***

After what felt like a few minutes, MJ woke up in the real world. “MJ?” MJ heard Aquarius’s voice. “How do you feel?” Aquarius asked. MJ stared blankly. “I feel rather woozy...” MJ said. Aquarius lifted the sheets and saw the stitches and scar on the left side of her ribcage. Freddy really did took her kidney. Aquarius teared up, MJ was so brave to take that sacrifice. Aquarius gently lifted MJ up and carefully walked her to her car. It was near evening when they came out to their car. “How long was I asleep?” MJ asked. “About five hours,” Aquarius answered. 

Back at Camp Crystal Lake at the Voorhees house, Jason was outside waiting for his wife to come home. Malon came outside to meet her dad by the porch swing. “Do you want some company?” Malon asked. Jason looked down at his daughter, seeing her in her nightdress while holding her teddy. Jason lifted his daughter and held her in his arms.

A few minutes later, they both heard a car approaching. Malon smiled with a big grin. She got off her dad’s lap and rushed over to her mom. But once Aquarius helps MJ out, Malon’s smile turned into a shock. Her mom was pale and can hardly stand. Jason saw MJ limping that he went down to help Aquarius with MJ. “It’s okay, MJ is going to be fine, she had a rough day... Just guide me to her bedroom and then give me an ice-pack for her.” Aquarius ordered. Jason tilted his head until he noticed bloodstain on her shirt from her ribcage area. Of course, for MJ sake, he obeyed Aquarius’s request.

When Aquarius took MJ to her room, she helped her put on a lighter and cooler nightgown. “There you go...” Aquarius said. “Aquarius... Thank you... for everything...” MJ said before she passed out from exhaustion. Jason came in with the icepack and gave it to Aquarius. “Thanks, Jason...” Aquarius thanked before she placed the icepack with a cloth wrapped around it onto her stitched wound. MJ made a painful groan, but other than the coldness, she felt relaxed. Aquarius turned to Jason, as she was going to explain things to him on how to take care of MJ until she regained her strength.

Jason wanted to know how and why she had her kidney removed, so Aquarius told Jason the truth. “MJ told me about how The Shadow Man almost killed your daughter and how frightened she is for her, especially you. I told her about the one that can keep The Shadow Man out of existence... It didn’t turn out as we have hoped. So she agreed on giving up one of her kidneys.” Aquarius explained. Jason wanted to know who she gave up her kidney to, so he wrote a note. ‘To who?’. Jason asked. Aquarius took a breath before she took the words out of her mouth, and when she did... Let’s just say that the animals and birds could hear his angry silence. “I know you’re upset, but I want you to know that MJ is going to be okay... I and my cousin will check in on MJ every other day until she’s feeling better...” Aquarius explained while petting Jason’s back. 

After a discussion, Jason just mopes on the sofa while slouching and pasted his hands on his face. “Why the hell did Freddy want MJ’s kidney?” Jason asked in his head. He decided to go into his room to check on his wife until he heard Malon humming a familiar tune to help her mom sleep. Jason was going to leave the girls be, until everything got silent. He peeked in again and saw that Malon has fallen asleep from the amount of humming, so he entered the room and lifted his daughter up into his arms with her head sleeping on her dad’s shoulder. Jason looked over at MJ before he took Malon into her own room and put her to bed. 

Jason hoped that what Aquarius said about Freddy keeping The Shadow Demon out was true; MJ did gave up something that could possibly kill her if it’s fatal. Even though it’s just one kidney, it’s still one kidney too many to his taste. Of course, as long as MJ is safe and that The Shadow Man no longer lurks into him and his family’s life, he will eventually accept.

[simpingforthisonedeer]

Chapter 8: Tempestuous I

SFW version here

Summary: Aika watches Julius become King; Julius goes to make his annual visit to the Swallowtail and shenanigans happen.

Notes: This chapter was actually supposed to be a lil over 10k words um 😳😳😳 but I cut it 60/40 so I'll post the next chapter next week for sure bc it's already finished. I made a lot of changes like taking away the assasination attempt that was supposed to happen this chapter. Also, there's one offhanded line that is NSFW but that's all for the chapter.

One of you have already read all 10k but don’t say anything okay? ;)))

@talpup here you go hehehe 

@kray-dragon​ you said you wanted to read 👉👈

Aika felt light despite the exhaustion weighing her down as the excited murmur of the crowd surrounded her. It has been two days since the battle and Diamond Kingdom’s surrender, but she would give them a few months before starting a ruckus again. Nevertheless, the peace and relief that it brought to Clover Kingdom had the gathered crowd in high spirits, especially since they knew that Julius was the one who delivered the final blow.

The Grey Deers were especially rowdy near the front, no doubt ecstatic that their former Captain was now Wizard King. The ceremony was already done in private and this occasion was just to introduce the new Wizard King to the public so he may be welcomed. 

She stood atop Clover castle’s outer walls with her associates as she spectated, while also keeping an eye out for any trouble.

Music played loudly to her right and the crowd grew excited as the seven new captains walked on stage.

Fuegoleon Vermillion for the Crimson Lions, Nozel Silva for the Silver Eagles, Jack the Ripper for the Green Mantises, Dorothy Unsworth for the Coral Peacocks, Charlotte Roselei for the Blue Roses, Gueldre Poizot for the Purple Orcas, and Jien Du for the Grey Deers.

It was truly a remarkable sight from a historical point of view because all the captains were replaced and all of them were around the same age, meaning that this trend would continue for a few more generations.

The crowd grew quiet in anticipation after all the Captains settled into their respective places on the stage.

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” A disembodied voice exclaimed. “Put your hands together for our new Wizard King,” A handsome man wearing a voluminous cloak of deep red, shouldering a white, furred cape, adorned with medals and a cross emerged from the depths of Clover Castle.

“Julius Novachrono!”

The crowd exploded with approval as their cheers, screams and applause filled the air. The sudden noise startled Aika but thankfully, she barely had any mana after the battle so none accidentally escaped. She couldn’t see him clearly from where she was standing but she certainly noticed how he squared his shoulders as he cast his gaze across the sea of people.

Their voices seemed to soar high into the heavens and she couldn’t help but smile at the scene. Jayce was hollering his heart out next to her, screaming how he was Julius’ number one fan. He had been standing close to the former Captain when he eviscerated the enemy two days ago and had been starstruck ever since. 

Ellie clapped politely as Evan let out a whistle or two. Aika would have clapped as well but she was leaning heavily against the edge of the wall, barely even able to stand up straight. She had already suffered the indignity of asking Jayce and Evan to help her walk as if she was some frail, old grandma. She would not also cause a commotion by trying to stand and then fall.

“And finally, please welcome your honorable king,” the announcer stumbled on the last few words. “Augustus Kira Clover the 13th!”

The applause was much more muted and they barely let out a cheer or two. Augustus looked outraged at the gathered crowd and opened his mouth to make his displeasure known but Julius quickly cleared his voice before their “honorable” king could and began his first speech as the Wizard King. Aika listened keenly, secretly reveling in his familiar voice. He spoke at length about hope, faith and love and ended his speech with a hopeful message that had everyone grinning and cheering once again.

Aika leaned back far enough so she could clap this time because she was blown away by the absolute natural way he commanded the stage and the crowd. He was made for this.

Then, the Grey Deers who were standing guard at the front split the sea of people so Julius could go step down to greet and interact with the citizens themselves. The crowd allowed the Magic Knights to create a human barrier for one moment as the new Wizard King planted his feet on level ground, before chaos ensued. People pried the barrier apart and the knights were powerless to use magic in such a cramped space.

Aika tensed for a moment, thinking there was going to be an attack but let out a surprised laugh when she realized the situation. Women threw themselves at Julius, nearly tearing his robes apart and Aika nearly fell backwards with laughter at the sight of him trying to dodge their kisses.

Evan, Jayce and Ellie shared a nervous look as they got ready to catch her if she was actually going to fall. They have never seen their boss so exuberant when she was sober in all the 6 years that they have known her. Aika caught their looks and quickly pursed her lips, an uncontrollable grin still spread across her face.

“Cheer up, you three. I can actually laugh now,” she said teasingly.

“We’ve noticed,” Evan murmured, sending a careful look at Jayce, silently begging him to think before he spoke.

“Yeah, you seem to be in a better mood. Are you and the Wizard King really fu—” Ellie smacked him upside the head before he could finish.

Too late.

Aika’s cheery disposition quickly dissipated.

“No, Jayce,” she said, her voice cold. “As far as everyone is concerned, nothing ever happened at all, understood?”

The crowd standing around on the wall with them started moving for the exits to make their way to the festivities in the plaza. Ellie looped her arm with Aika’s and Evan took her other arm so they could help her walk. She threw a disappointed look at Jayce and sighed. He flushed in embarrassment and rubbed his head apologetically.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Where to, Miss?” Ellie asked as her grimoire fluttered open, throwing a deadpan look at Jayce.

“To my home in Hage, please,” she sighed again as she looked back at Julius among the crowd as he tried to fend them off. Aika turned away before the first pangs of jealousy and longing could hit her. It was just a silly crush. 

A portal opened in front of them at her behest and they quickly stepped through it before the crowd could jostle them around. With Ellie’s spatial magic, she assisted Aika with errands, delivered messages, helped her travel around the world and sometimes even provided support in battle.

Aika sighed contentedly at the transition from the loud crowd to the peaceful noises of nature in the countryside. She felt old at this thought. 

They quickly ushered her into the house and helped her sit in her armchair. She stretched out in her seat and groaned at the sore feeling sufusing through her limbs. Her backpack, which she nearly never took off, poked her uncomfortably in the back but she put up with it anyway.

Aika opened her eyes slightly and her three protégés were looking at her with various levels of concern. She let out an amused huff as she waved them off.

“This is normal. You three should be used to this by now.”

“I mean, you warned us,” Ellie began as she lightly scratched her white, coily hair. “But we have never seen you perform a spell that big so we didn’t know what to expect.”

“I suppose that is true,” Aika hummed before wincing as pain unexpectedly coursed through her body. Jayce urgently strode into the kitchen at this.

“I was initially doubtful if you could handle my spell, Miss,” Evan admitted as he looked down at his hands. “I was completely ready to let the spell loose even at the expense of our allies if it meant we could weaken or even defeat the enemy.”

“Evan.” He looked up at Aika’s unexpectedly strong tone. “I would never put you in a position where you have to make such difficult decisions.” She smiled reassuringly. “I have only asked you to perform the spell because I knew I could handle it. If there is anything that you can depend on in me, it’s that I know my limits. Please have more faith in me.”

He blinked slowly at her heartfelt words, before he smiled boyishly.

“But you’re still pretty weak from it,” he retorted uncharacteristically.

“It was worth it, was it not?” she quipped back, happy that her little speech didn’t sour his mood too much.

Jayce came back from the kitchen with a slightly wet towel and handed it to Aika with a concerned look.

“Here.”

“Jayce…” She shook her head at this gesture with a small smile. It was his way of apologizing for his words earlier. “It is alright. You don’t have to worry too much.”

“Heh,” he carded his fingers through his hair. “If you say so, boss.”

“I have a new assignment for you guys,” Aika quickly began when she noticed Ellie’s mischievous smile. If she started teasing him, an argument was sure to erupt.

They turned to her attentively.

“I have noticed residues of forbidden magic in the abandoned cottage near the church here. It isn’t anything urgent and I’d like for you three to enjoy the festivities in the capital, so take the day off and in a day or two, I’d like for you three to report on your findings, alright?” Aika would have joined them but she was too weak to move in her state so she’ll take a well-deserved break for today. She eyed the gift bag by the entryway. She put together a few gifts for Julius, hoping to give to him today as a sort of welcome but she lacked the energy to move so it would have to be at another date. 

She needed to get a lot of work done. She had to clean out both this house and the Wizard King’s study, where she spent most of the time working, so Julius could use it instead. Master Raymond wasn’t the reading type so he leased it to her for free and she enjoyed that space and she had a feeling Julius would too. Speaking of the headquarters,

“Don’t forget that you also have your day jobs at the headquarters, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am!” They saluted her eagerly.

Aika nodded proudly. She was slowly introducing them to working in environments immersed in forbidden magic so they could take on bigger field assignments in the future. They were still young, only in their early twenties, so she should be careful about how such magic would affect their mental development, seeing as it completely fucked up hers. She would like to think she was fine, but she really wasn’t.

They bid her goodbye with their bright smiles, exuding youth in every way Aika wished she could feel at the moment. Though she stopped aging properly at twenty-five, maybe twenty-six years, weg magic was exhausting and she felt like she had been living longer than she should. It was probably because she hadn’t properly slept in over a decade and a half.

Aika laid the cold towel across her nape with a sigh, though the sensory overload from the pain made everything, including the texture of the towel, seem unpleasant. She shrugged one strap off of her shoulder so she could push the backpack aside and the rune on her forehead began to itch lightly— 

Wait a minute, she sat up straight. 

There was a Swallowtail filled with her magic in the woods behind the church. Wait. There were also mini-Swallowtails in her backpack right now. She could recover her magic faster this way. In her excitement, Aika nearly forgot she couldn’t use the Swallowtails inside her loft because they power various magic stones for heat, light, water, ventilation, preservation and some miscellaneous experiments.

Aika leaned back and groaned.

This meant that she must get to the big Swallowtail herself. She could ask Ellie for help but none of them except maybe Julius and herself know about the Swallowtail and they most certainly don’t know about her Time Magic. Most people thought Aika was a weak water mage who was physically strong, used forbidden magic to make up for her shortcomings, and could use a sword well.

She needed to keep her real attribute a secret because states with more sinister plans have hunted her in the past. So much so that they even threatened to destroy their own allies. That part of history was rewritten by Arthur. He stopped a war and changed everyone’s memories and in exchange, he got Holly.

She buried the memories once more as she locked her joints and stood up carefully. No point in dwelling on things she couldn’t change.

There was an old broom in the closet that she could use to get to the Swallowtail. She walked carefully, leaning on the furniture along the way. Aika stifled any groans and put her weight on the wall next to the closet door and opened it. She paused.

There were bloodstains everywhere. 

It must have been from when Arthur was stabbed and bound in here.

Aika sighed as she added another task on her to-do list and picked up the broom next to creaky hinges of the closet door. She gently eased herself onto it and smiled in relief. It would be easier to move this way.

She quickly shot out of the house, relishing in the speed in contrast to her turtle-like pace the whole day and took the straightest path to the Swallowtail.

Julius extricated himself from the last of the women as Marx made a way for him to escape the crowd. He was hoping to maybe talk to them, maybe leave a more personal impression on them, but today was not his day apparently.

“Sir, are you alright?” Marx asked as they quickly strode into a side entrance to the castle. Julius chuckled lightly as he rubbed his lipstick-smeared cheek.

“Yes, of course, Marx. Just a little...violated.”

Marx smiled as he let out a huff. “I will be very honest with you, sir. I didn’t think that was going to work.”

“Well, perhaps I should organize a town hall so it would be more regulated.”

“I will see if your schedule allows it in the near future, sir.”

He smiled in gratitude as Marx shook his head.

“Alright, well, I got a message that the preparations for the banquet are nearly done and it would begin in an hour—” 

“Marx, would you take care of that?” Julius interjected suddenly.

“Sir?”

“An hour is perfect. I have an important errand I must attend to and it won’t take me long…” He finished quietly, knowing he wouldn’t believe him.

“An errand today?” Marx asked, his voice raising up a notch. “An errand on one of the most important days of your life?”

His annual trip to the Swallowtail so he could deposit his magic just happened to fall on the day he became Wizard King. And a few minutes alone might also do him some good. The weight of what he had just accepted still hasn’t properly set in.

“Um, yes?”

“Julius!”

“It will only take me a few minutes!” He put his hands together pleadingly. “Please?”

Marx let out a heavy sigh as rubbed his temples. He just hoped he wouldn’t be as irresponsible as to miss the banquet entirely.

“Alright, fine. But you better not be looking at magic when I come looking for you!”

Julius grinned in reply.

“Of course! Thank you, Marx!”

In a blink, he quickly phased out and landed in the forest clearing where the ancient magic item was. The sudden change in environment and the heavy weight of the robes grounded him to his current situation.

It was utterly surreal. He was Wizard King.

Julius let out a hysterical laugh as he rested his head against the Swallowtail.

Adrenaline rushed through his veins as his fingers clawed at the cool, metal surface. He could finally help Clover Kingdom for the better. There were so many things he could do, so many things he could change.

Starting off with the Magic Knights. Incentivize and reward good behavior, send more knights to patrols realms where they aren’t accustomed to so they learn to like and protect people below their class, even involve himself in policy as Aika had suggested and think about education. The next generation are the future after all.

His mind was racing with ideas but he took calming breaths before he completely lost his cool. He still had a banquet to attend and nobles to pander to.

He looked intently at the giant, six-pointed star on the Swallowtail as he gathered his thoughts. He should finish his business soon. The sooner he put his mana in, the sooner he could recover it. He slowly started pouring his mana into the ball. He also needed to make sure he had enough left to teleport back.

Julius turned as he felt a presence moving towards him at high speeds. He stopped as he squinted at the figure on a broom, their form silhouetted by the Sun behind them.

His vision grew blurry momentarily as he prepared to transform. It would be a strange and suspicious sight to see the new Wizard King in the Boonies. But before he could do anything, the mysterious person landed in the clearing at an unnatural speed.

Julius’ eyes widened when he realized who it was.

“Aika?”

When Aika landed near the Swallowtail, she couldn’t believe who it was. She scrambled off of her broom and used it like a staff to lean on.

She could clearly see all of Julius now, no longer a bright, robed figure in the distance.

And my god was he a sight to behold.

His medals shone in the sun and his red, velvet cloak made him look like the king he was. When her eyes met his, they glinted gold for a moment and she had to remind herself to breathe. 

Though, the effect was slightly dampened by the fact that he was covered in lipstick marks.

“Aika?” he asked disbelievingly. She brought three fingers to her chest in a salute as she tamped down any tremors, whether it was because of her fatigue or emotions.

“Your Highness,” she intoned as she bowed her head. That’s it. He was only the Wizard King to her. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Oh,” he exhaled in amusement. “There’s no need for that. We are way past that. Please,” he said reassuringly. “Call me ‘Julius.’”

Aika’s face gingerly lit up into a grin. The expression felt strange on her face but she couldn’t help it. She was simply glad that they weren’t going to be awkward. She clutched her broom tighter before she could fall as she spoke.

“Well then, congratulations on becoming Wizard King, Julius,” she walked sluggishly towards the Swallowtail, still facing him. “How do you feel?”

His jaw fell slightly, momentarily surprised by her nonchalance. Most people’s attitude changed in the few moments he walked in his Wizard King attire. Even Marx, whom he was most familiar with, grew more serious. But he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. He seemed to be “just Julius” to her no matter how he was. His chest tightened at the thought. It was a strange sensation.

Julius rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish grin as he relaxed. There was no need for him to be officious with her after all had been said and done. 

“Well, the feeling hasn’t quite set it,” he began. “But, I do suddenly feel the urge to do something, change something,” he confessed, his eyes shining with determination. After their night of shared vulnerability, no matter how sourly it had ended, it felt natural to be himself with her.

He couldn’t help but grin when she looked away with a secretive smile. He knew he still had a chance. He simply needed to go slow this time.

“That’s good. I’m eager to see what kind of revolution you would raise.”

Julius had plans to make connections at the banquet and he had already had a draft of an awards system somewhere in his head. But for now, it was only them in this clearing. He could be himself. He pressed a finger to his lips and leaned forward as if to share a secret. 

“Shh, don’t tell anyone though,” he said playfully. “It’s a secret.”

Aika giggled despite herself.

“I suppose you are going to change the kingdom before the nobles even realize.”

“Exactly! You—” He quickly caught her as she stumbled. “Get it…” he finished quietly, concern strewn across his face.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Julius asked as he looked over her. She was beginning to sweat as she took shallow breaths. “Are you alright?”

Aika exhaled sharply when pain shot up her back.

“I’m fine,” she lied, waving him off as her jaw clenched. It didn’t go unnoticed by him. 

“No, you are not,” he hissed.

“Fine, I’m not,” she snapped back. “Just help me get close to the Swallowtail.” She stiffened when he wrapped an arm around her waist. Julius noticed and silently apologized as he guided her delicately.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

She sighed as she pressed herself against the magic device. There is no harm in telling him and he would need to know just in case he ever needed for her to do a forbidden spell or a ritual.

“I’m still weak from the spell on Saturday.” She brought the mana in the device carefully up to the surface and she felt her strength returning to her, bit-by-bit.

“Spell?” His brows furrowed. “What spell?”

“Remember the giant, blue fireball?” His eyes widened. She quickly clarified before he could think it was her who summoned fire. “Evan was the one who conjured up the fireball, not me. But he can’t control the spell so I had to use weg magic to take control of the spell and guide it towards the enemy while holding them in place.”

Julius looked at her with virtual stars in his eyes.

“So that Mana Zone spell was yours? And you guided that Sun in the sky?”

Aika grew bashful at the admiration in his tone.

“Ah, well, I had a lot of practice for Mana Zone and it wasn’t that big. I’ve seen bigger fireball spells,” she murmured as she bit her lip. 

“Bigger—” He took a double take as the twinkle in his eyes shone brighter. “Where!? I want to see a bigger fireball!”

She laughed at the cute expression on his face.

“I’ll show you sometime,” she promised as she continued to fill up her mana reserves. Aika was silently glad her plan worked. She was no longer sore all over, no doubt the life essence of her mana healing her, and she could stand unsupported.

Julius looked curiously between her hand and the Swallowtail.

“But why do you seem to be in pain? Fatigue is common for mana exhaustion but I have never heard of pain,” he remarked as he laid his own hand next to her, slowly sending out his magic into it. It was what he originally came here for after all.

She sighed heavily. Just thinking about it exhausted her.

“It is one of the side effects of using large amounts of corrupted magic. It is quite harmful to a human body.” Aika explained the long list of effects and how incapacitated it leaves her. “It’s quite painful but it’s incredibly useful so it has its pros and cons.”

She felt flattered by the worry on his face.

“Are there any long-term effects?”

“No, not that—” Well, there was the negative mana affecting everyone around her but it was only because of one ritual years ago. Using more negative magic hadn’t exasperated it thankfully. “Not that I’m aware of, no.”

Julius touched his chin thoughtfully as she continued.

“But please don’t hesitate to ask me to do any spells or rituals for the sake of the kingdom,” she laughed wryly. “I am the only person who could do them after all.”

“Ah, no, no. If it affects you this badly, I would never even think of asking you,” he assured her with a shining smile.

Aika fought off a grin. That...was really kind of him. Her Uncle was quick to jump on the offer and she was glad to be of use to help this kingdom but the concern…Her heart beat quickly at the thought.

No!

She mentally shook her head. He should be more concerned about the kingdom not her! What if she could help where no one could?

 “Please don’t think of me, think of the kingdom. If I could help, then I would. Whether you accept my help or not is an entirely different matter.”

Due to being particularly sensitive to magic at the moment because of the newly acquired mana, she felt a stab of Julius’ magic hit her.

“And besides, I like using it,” she whispered, the real truth unexpectedly slipping out.

What. Did he just— 

She quickly masked her shock and met his gaze. He surprisingly didn’t seem disgusted or judgemental at her confession. He just seemed lost in thought as he stared back at her.

“I see,” he simply uttered, his tone giving away nothing.

Usually, any other person’s first instinct would be to get mad at forcing the truth out of them, but Aika, who was quite adept at using backhanded tactics, was very impressed and curious. How on Earth could he use such magic? It seemed like a part of his natural attribute. He truly had a limitless magic potential. He could use Time Magic but that didn’t stop him from using some form of spatial and transformation magic, but also a hidden magic spell perhaps that could induce the truth out of somebody. And here she was, thinking he was a straight-laced, goody two-shoes Wizard King.

But, no real King is truly virtuous.

She cleared her throat before a giddy smile could slip through. It would have been exhausting to work with someone with a strict moral compass. Though, she shouldn’t be surprised after seeing him on the battlefield. He was terrifying.

“Well, I suppose you did help us gain a massive advantage with your help on the battlefield the other day. If you hadn’t wiped out the Diamond army, taking on both Spade and Diamond would have been disastrous for our troops.”

Aika hummed in agreement and decided to say nothing. Being complimented by anyone other than her Uncle was strange. No one could recognize her efforts because the Amulet of Ignorance ensured it and she preferred it that way.

A question struck her when she realized where they were.

“Julius?”

He looked at her questioningly.

“Why are you here in the first place? Don’t you have a banquet to attend?”

He grinned widely as he lifted his palm off of the Swallowtail.

“The banquet is in about half an hour and I’ve come to make my annual trip to deposit some magic in the Swallowtail. You know, for emergencies such as yours,” he winked slyly. 

Aika nodded in understanding, rolling her eyes at his jibe. She had also left some of her magic in there for emergencies.

“Well, you should clean up before going to the banquet then,” she said, looking pointedly at the ridiculous lipstick dotting his face. She threw her leg over the broom, ready to leave.

“Wait!” He quickly stopped her, an arm reaching out. “Could I drop you off at your place? You might still be tired.”

“Yes,” she blurted out. She was going to be her own ruin. Why was she doing this to herself?

“Great!” He placed a hand on her shoulder and they immediately found themselves in Aika’s living room.

“May I use the bathroom to wash my face?” Julius asked innocently. Oh, he was doing this on purpose, wasn’t he?

“That lipstick won’t come off with water. Most lipsticks used by women in the Noble Realm are magicked to stick on whatever surface they are applied on and the kind they used was the type of lipstick used to ‘mark people,’” she explained as she walked away. “I’ll go get some wipes for you.” He also seemed determined to stick around and he wasn’t even hiding it. Aika sighed internally. She needed to keep him at an arm's length. Even she cannot resist temptation.

Lost in her thoughts, she walked back to where Julius was, carrying a few wet wipes specifically made to wipe off makeup. Before she could realize what she was doing, she placed a wipe on his cheek as she angled his face to the side with her other hand.

The moment her bare hand touched his chin, Aika began to panic, though none showed on her face. In her mind, she began swearing in all the languages she knew, putting even the most seasoned sailors to shame. She was so used to tending to people that she completely forgot her determination to avoid these kinds of situations at all costs so her crush could go away, but, nooo.

And once she did something, she always stuck through. There was no backing out now.

Aika began wiping his face without hesitation but that didn’t stop her from berating herself.

Oh my fucking god. You are a fool, a whole clown, Aika. You should just quit your life, change your name and join your ex-fiance’s circus as a clown. It would fit you very well. Start practicing your honking now, you numbnut.

Wait, did he react? Wait, I don’t want to know. Oh, shit. I definitely want to know. No, you don’t. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Don’tlookdon’tlookdon’tlook.

She looked. 

Julius was staring right into her very soul from underneath his lashes.

She quickly averted her eyes, a blush rising to her face as her heart seemed determined to break free from her ribcage. She regulated her breaths and willed them to be normal. Thankfully, she had a lot of practice.

But then, he ducked his head so she could have better access and innocuously pressed his cheek into her palm. To top it all off, he closed his eyes and sighed contentedly.

That’s it. Aika was dying. She was having a heart attack. She wanted to scream so badly. She could feel the room spin around her.

Why? Why did you lean in? Have you no shame? A woman wipes your face and you start making bedroom eyes at her? Oh my god ohmygodohmygod.

How she wished she had her amulet now. If she wore it for a while, everyone except a select few would forget she even existed.

Aika stared at his serene smile, his eyes still closed.

A frown crawled up her face. She started wiping faster, cradling his cheek with her hand while she wiped the few spots on his neck.

She refused to corrupt someone as sweet as him.

“What’s that face for?” Julius piped up, startling her. “Jealous?” he smirked.

Wow, you are completely shameless. Wait— Jealous?

“Oh, sure.” Aika rolled her eyes. “I’m jealous of the women who virtually attacked the Wizard King like a bunch of harpys, marking him with magic lipstick,” She leaned closer to his ear. “While I had his head between my legs.”

He turned away, blushing as he covered his mouth. Finally , he seemed flustered. He did not expect her to retort when she herself was panicking. Aika stepped away as she smirked, satisfied that there was no more lipstick nor that overconfident expression on his face.

“I’ll swing by your office tomorrow to drop some stuff off,” Aika called out as she walked away into the kitchen. Julius shook his head as he gathered himself and followed her. A blush still present on his face, he leaned against the doorframe as he watched Aika move around the kitchen. The very same kitchen where he was turned down.

“What stuff?”

He asked quietly as he buried the memories. Hopefully it wasn’t any kind of paperwork.

“Some stuff to help you as Wizard King and some other things I thought you might like.”

That peaked his interest.

“Oh? What kind of things?”

“Julius,” Aika turned to him, exasperated. “Don’t you have a banquet to get to?”

“You want to get rid of me already?” He asked cheekily, very reminiscent of that day.

“No, but I’m sure you would enjoy a good surprise as much as the next person and I really think you should go.” Her face softened. “Don’t you think it’s strange enough that you stuck around this long?” she asked quietly.

He fiddled with the edge of his sleeve.

“Maybe,” he looked up at her. “But it’s only so I could just be myself before I have to go deal with nobles,” he smiled wryly. “I find politics rather boring, you see. I‘m putting it off as much as possible.”

“Diplomacy is what gets things done in your position,” Aika imparted as she turned back around to arrange the dishes in the cabinet. Her aunt and uncle will move in tonight so she has to get everything in order. 

If Julius finds politics boring, then he may not be as effective. She quickly needed to rid him of that mindset. It would be hard to implement changes if he wasn’t persuasive or have any positive connections with the higher-ups.

“If you find it boring, I suggest you talk about your ideas and plans and observe who are open and who are not. You are quite impassioned about the things you like but I also suggest you keep the topics relevant,” she added lightly as she threw a smile over her shoulder. “Your ideas may also come off naive to the wrong people and could turn away many supporters but you have to stand your ground. Putting a neutral front may seem appealing but it’s only useful for maintaining the status quo,” she asserted as she looked Julius in the eye. “Not for a silent revolution.”

He gaped at her. Master Raymond made it sound as if her unsolicited advice was useless. He actually planned to stay neutral as she predicted but like she said, it wouldn’t get things done. How was she experienced in such things?

“I-I’ll try,” he finally got out. “Were you a ruler in your past life or something?” He asked jokingly. Aika laughed as she turned around and crossed her arms over her chest. She leaned back against the counter with a smirk as she asked,

“Julius, who do you think I am?”

He was slightly thrown off by the question.

“Uh, Aika Tolliver, Time Mage, Spymaster, and advisor to the 27th Wizard King?”

“Also the CEO of an international company,” she added.

Julius took a double take.

“What?!”

She palmed her face.

“So, Master Raymond didn’t tell you?”

“No?”

“God,” she groaned. “I’ll explain more later but I may not hold any political dominion but we are both C-Level executives and some of our tasks are quite similar even if our institutions are different. I am able to give you solid advice on such matters without being an actual ruler.” Aika fiddled with her pocket watch. “You should go.” She said as she guided him through the door and back into the living room. “It’s almost time for the banquet!”

He stumbled as he processed her words. Julius quickly laid a hand on her shoulder to stop her as he looked at her, dazed.

“Wait, so why do you insist on working for the Wizard King?”

Aika tamped down her irritation. There was no reason to get upset. He hasn’t fully transitioned into his duties and information he should be aware of about his staff.

She took a calming breath.

“Because, there are multiple prophecies that state that this continent would spell the end of the world. Everyone around the world know something is going to happen on this continent,” she said coolly. “No one outside are acquainted with the inner workings nor do they like this region. There are contingencies to contain the ‘end of the world’ but no efforts to actually stop it. Me being me, decided to volunteer to be the hero and you ,” she pointed a finger at Julius “are going to help whether you like it or not, understood?”

He blinked as a smile crawled up his face which quickly grew into a grin. That sounded quite exciting! Maybe his tenure as Wizard King may not be entirely boring with a mission like that!

“Y-Yes ma’am!” He let out a chuckle. “I hope you realize I’m only going to pester you with more questions when I see you next time.”

Maybe I do want you to come back and pester me, A voice in her head piped up intrusively.

“Yes, I’m aware,” she said rolling her eyes. “Now go!”

Julius saluted her with a mischievous grin and vanished.

Aika stood staring at the empty space where he was before pressing her head against the wall next to her with a deep sigh.

Why did he have to be at the Swallowtail right when I needed to? Why the fuck did I touch his face? And did he have to be obvious with his advances so much? What did he mean “just be himself?” She clenched her fist. The only way she could avoid overthinking was to throw herself into work.

She composed herself and held her head high. There was no time to dwell on such things. She examined her living room as she brought her to-do list to the front of her mind. She had a lot of things to clean, organize and pack.

Aika rolled up her sleeves and tied her hair back.

Time to get to work.

Notes: aiaiai that was a handful Julius figures out why Aika is avoiding him next chapter and you guys get one letter to figure out what he is LMAOOOOOO

[willow-salix]

(Fluffember prompt: Name)

Day 4 of isolation on Tracy Island 2.0

"I don't care, you're coming with me," I told the love of my life, who wasn't looking very happy about it. 

"Why me?" he whined, and if you've never heard John whine before, or don't actually believe he's capable of it, let me assure you that he is very capable and it's very pitiful. But I am immune (mostly) and continued to stand my ground. 

"Because I can't leave you alone with them, you can't stand up for yourself and they can't be trusted."

"That's not true! I can…" he saw the look on my face as I mouthed 'mattress' and trailed off, admitting defeat. "Fine, but just the one shop."

Now, I know they say never take your husband shopping, but I honestly, TRULY thought that mine would be an exception. He's the organised one, he's the sensible one, the one that correlates all the data and sorts out all their problems. 

How wrong I was. 

It was actually quite pleasant to be alone for a few hours, it hadn't been that long since I'd made my less than dramatic return to the island but since the world was nowhere near normal we hadn't had that much time to ourselves lately, so I was going to take full advantage. 

"What do we need to get?" he asked in that long suffering tone that all husbands adopt when faced with the prospect of a trip around a shop with their woman. 

"Not that much," I assured him. I was lying. 

"Show me," he ordered, knowing I was lying. Must work on my 'believe me' voice. 

I lifted up the list, which unfurled itself into something roughly the length of Alan and watched as his eyes tracked its descent. I also watched the life drained out of them as he faced his doom head on. 

"Really?" 

I nodded, folding the list back up again. "It won't be that bad," I promised him. "It's one massive shop, we should be able to find everything there."

"Why didn't you take Virgil instead? Why must you torture me?" 

"Because you're my man and it's your job, plus I want to spend some alone time with you."

"I can think of much better ways to spend alone time," he grumbled under his breath as he steered the plane towards the landing strip. I declined to comment. 

                 ***

"Now, whatever you do, don't wander off," I reminded him, looking up from the list where I had sensibly been highlighting different categories of products so we could hit the different areas in order. 

I almost laughed when I saw that my poor, put-upon man was slumped against the plane, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast like he was fully expecting the grim reaper to show up any second and whisk him away from my evil clutches. Keep on dreaming, boy. 

"I'm not Alan," he sniffed. "Or Scott, I don't wander off, you wander off."

"I do not!" 

"You're the one that didn't tell me you were going to look at the meerkats when we went to the zoo."

"Babe, it's meerkats, you should have known I'd wander off to look at them, that's just common sense. I didn't need to say it."

He looked at me like he thought I had no idea what common sense even was. He's probably right, since I agreed to both marriage and staying on the island again. 

"Come on," I held out my hand, wiggling it in invitation, "it won't be that bad."

He sighed and took my hand. "I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" 

"Probably. Now, masks on, sanitiser at the ready, grab that trolly for me and let's do this thing."

                        ***

You know how it is when you're mostly in a shopping daze and can't focus on anything but getting in and getting out as quickly as possible? Like you're so focused on the list and making sure you don't forget anything and trying to locate the actual items you need versus the ones you suddenly want and can't do without? That was me. 

So it took me a few minutes to realise that I'd lost John. I don't know how it happened, I don't know when and I couldn't say in good faith that he hadn't been kidnapped by aliens, it was that kind of day. 

He'd shuffled along behind me, pushing the cart into which I was throwing all manner of things that I could tell he thought were useless and unnecessary. How little he knew. 

"You can put some things in too," I reminded him as I tossed a loaf of fruit bread over my shoulder towards the cart. He didn't answer. The bread landed on the floor with a soft flump. 

"John?" I turned around but he was gone, the cart too. 

"What the heck?" Where was he? I fumbled in my bag for my phone. Where was it? Why was I losing everything important today? I had a sudden mental image of my phone sitting on the coffee pot where I'd propped it while making breakfast, I'd been watching YouTube videos and needed both hands…

"Damn it." I didn't have my comm with me either, I only ever took that out with me when I wasn't home. Which would be now… "DAMN IT!" 

In my defence, I hadn't thought that I would actually lose him. I thought he was more sensible than that. 

I retraced my steps, going back down four aisles to the place I knew for certain I'd last seen him behind me, pushing the trolly like it was a protective force field against shop workers and old people that didn't know the meaning of social distancing and kept getting up in his face asking him to reach the high shelves for them. 

"John?" I called, sticking my head around the corner. Nothing. 

"Bugger."

Where the heck could he be? 

"Jooooohhhnnnnn!" I yelled a bit louder, starting a full sweep search, marching down the center gap between the aisles and glancing down each one. Nothing. 

"Excuse me, young lady."

I skidded to a halt, almost flattening an older man. 

"Hi, yes?" 

"Have you lost someone?" 

"Yep. Lost, one gorgeous ginger dumbass, if found please return to the witch in aisle 26." The man looked at me like I was crazy, but I'm used to it. 

"Oh, I thought you might be Mrs Tracy."

"No, Grandma's at home."

He gave me a funny look and I stared right back, I didn't want to be impolite and just walk away but yeah, kinda on a mission here, Grandpa.

It was then that I heard it, a voice coming over the tannoy. 

"Can Mrs Tracy please come to lost property at Customer Services."

It's a little surreal to hear someone calling you when you don't expect it and it took a few moments for it to register and my brain to process the information. 

The old man looked at me again, head tipped to one side. 

My brain clicked over. 

"Shhh…ugar! That's me! Lost husband! Thank you," I screamed over my shoulder as I hot footed it to the customer service desk. 

"Hi," I gasped, slightly out of breath (it's a very large store) "you…called," I gestured up to the ceiling and circled my finger like that would make sense to anyone but me. "Tracy…" I slumped, panting. 

"Oh," the lady at the desk finally lost the blank look on her face, figuring out what I meant. "He's in the lost child room."

I frowned, the what now? 

I dutifully followed behind the counter and through the door marked 'employees only'. 

"A customer found him standing alone in the bread aisle looking confused and lost so they alerted us."

She pushed open the door to a cheery yellow room with dancing clowns on the walls that looked like they wanted to eat my soul. 

"I'm sorry, I think there's been a mistake, I haven't lost a ch-" I stopped dead, blinking to make sure I was indeed seeing this correctly. 

"Where have you been?" John demanded. 

He was sitting forlornly on a chair that was so small it looked like it should have belonged in a doll house. His knees were higher than his chest. Some helpful soul had given him a colouring book but he'd ignored it although he was wearing a sticker that told me that he had been a super brave boy. 

"You left me!" 

"I did not!" 

"I turned around and you were gone! I tried to call and Scott answered!" 

"My phone's at home."

"I know that now! Because you abandoned me!" 

"I…I…" I splutted, not knowing what to say to that. 

"May I suggest a leash next time," the woman from the counter said as I dragged him to his feet. I couldn't tell with her mask on, but I'm pretty sure she was smirking. 

"Babe, you're fine, it's just a mega shop." 

"It's hell."

"You're being dramatic." 

"I'm never coming shopping with you again," he grumbled as I thanked the lady and towed him back into the shop. 

I have no idea where he lost the trolly, neither does he. I bought him a sausage roll in the cafe to appease him, leaving him there with his phone while I shopped on my own. Some things are just not worth the hassle. But I do know that next time someone calls my name in a shop, I'll pay attention. 

[letsbeoutoftouch]

Three days ago, I decided to start watching one of the Chinese dramas that had been sitting on my Netflix to-watch list for as long as I use it: 'A Love So Beautiful'.

I was (am) really excited over the Korean version because the FL is So Joo Yeon, whom I love since I watched 'Romantic Doctor Teacher Kim 2' last year―she's adorable!

However, I knew that the Korean version was a remake, so I figured I should start with the Chinese one first. Besides, a few years ago one of my ex-friends told me I should watch it, and she has a pretty good taste in dramas... So, well―I succumbed. And, oh my! I'm so glad I did!

· · ·

'A Love So Beautiful' is a coming of age drama, which depicts the lives of five friends as from the moment they meet in high school up to adulthood, and how they learn about love, friendship and life in general. It especially revolves around Chen Xiaoxi (Shen Yue, from 'Meteor Garden') and Jiang Chen (Hu Yi Tian, from 'Unrequited Love').

· · ·

♡ PLOT & EPISODES:

It is a really light-hearted drama, and its plot is uncomplicated. It is ideal for when you are in the mood for something that doesn't have twists and turns, and/or whose plot doesn't require a great effort to follow. If you feel like watching a drama like that, then I really recommend you to start this one.

Although it's made up of 23 episodes (and one special episode), they are approximately 40-minutes long each. Therefore, I didn't feel that they were tiresome to watch. Also, as a person who gets distracted quite easily ―I have the attention span of a goldfish―, I must emphasise that I didnt pause it at all―except, maybe, to go and grab some snacks... And to post that screenshot with a reference to Argentina, lol.

· · ·

♡ CHARACTERS:

Xiaoxi (FL): This character is a well-known one in dramaland―the typical female lead who is really (and when I say really, I mean extremely, blindly) in love with the male lead, no matter his actions or the words that leave his mouth.

I normally find this type of character annoying (yes, I'm looking at you, Nao). I find it painful to watch that she keeps resiliently following the male lead, even when he is continuously humilliating her. Of course, if you keep in mind that she is a teenager, then you may be able to understand the way she behaves―we were all a little bit like that during our younger years... Or, at least, I know I was. However, that's hard to remember when the story depicts her to be neither a teenager nor an adult, although she is supposed to be the former. By this I don't mean that teenagers can't go through situations that may force them to 'grow up' quickly, but stuff like 'living alone with my classmate' is not a normal situation for a teen (especially, with their parents consent ¿¿¿¿¿)―that's more adult-ish.

Anyways, back to Xiaoxi.

When I think about my younger self, I think she might ―in some points― relate to Xiaoxi. Why? That's simple―because she truly acts like a teenager. For her, the problems she faces are like the end of the world, and deals with them as (most) young people would.

Amongst those problems, love is obviously included. She's devoted to the love she feels, and doesn't waver. She's always true to her feelings and to her heart―sometimes, a little too much for my liking. However, her genuiness and stubborness are two of the traits I liked the most about her.

But Xiaoxi is not entirely naïve―not all the time, at least. She stood her ground in some parts of the story, as a teenager and, mostly, as an adult. I must admit that one kick was amazing―I was lying in bed and I literally had to sit up and scream 'APLICADÍSIMA' (an Argentinian slang that, in this context, could be translated as 'nicely done').

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Jiang Chen (ML): Yet another typical character in dramas. He's one of those guys who barely speaks, looks serious 24/7 and, the most important thing, has feelings but is unable to show them most of the time.

I'm not going to deny that people like that do exist in real life (now that I think about it, I may be like that irl, lol), but the real problem is how they are portrayed in dramas. I mean, the fact that a person gathers all those characteristics within them does not equal to being an a*shole (again, I'm so looking at you, Uehara).

Jian Chen sometimes acts like an a*shole, I'm not going to deny that. He mostly acts like that out of jealousy, which doesn't make it right. However, he's continuously growing out of that behaviour (maybe not so much out of jealousy 🙃), and that's what I liked about this character. Even if his character doesn't entirely lose his true essence (being serious is not a bad trait per se, just to name something), it was refreshing to see that, when he's with her, he wouldn't act like he doesn't care about her at all.

▫ ▫ ▫

Wu Bosong (SML): Oh, dear. He's the sweetest. For real.

I'm not the kind of person who usually falls for the second male lead (for example, in Heirs I was always team Kim Tan, although everyone loved Young Do and shipped Eun Sang with him). However, this time, I found myself falling for Bosong really, really hard.

His character is yet another cliché―the sweet boy who's always helping the FL and has to be content with watching her from the sidelines. However, his kind and tender nature slowly captured my heart.

*spoiler alert* It broke my soul that the story was unfair to him―he deserved way better. Not only romantically speaking―all the scenes where his grandma doesn't recognise him were so, so heartbreaking. I know life isn't fair, but it is a drama! Don't make the poor boy suffer that much 😭.

However, even though I loved this character a lot, I ―by no means― shipped him and Xiaoxi. He deserved someone who would give him their entire heart―and, let's face it, Xiaoxi would never grow out of her love for Jian Chen. *end of spoiler alert*

· · ·

♡ FRIENDSHIP:

As far as I'm concerned, most people are only interested in the romantic side of dramas ―which is fine, of course―, but I'm adding this item because it was seriously one of the things I enjoyed the most about this drama.

The chemistry between the five of them is awesome. Sometimes, it's not just about how nicely the leads are to each other―I think that portraying a great friendship is equally important. After all, life is not just about romantic love―it's about all the other kinds of love, as well.

It was sweet that they not only grew up together, but also that they stayed friends even if they had other things going on in their lives. They were unconditional to each other, but that didn't just stayed in high school―it followed them to their adult lives. They still tried to find the time to meet, even if they were busy (*spoiler alert* Xiaoxi's fansigning! *end of spoiler alert*), and supported and had each other's back no matter what.

I liked how friendship was one of the main topics in the drama.

· · ·

♡ SUMMARY:

If you're looking for a cute and light coming-of-age drama (and you don't mind a school drama―i.e., dealing with the fact that they are teenagers during most of it), then A Love So Beautiful is the one for you.

Also, if you haven't ever seen a Chinese drama (and you're up to a drama with the characteristics abovementioned), then I recommend you start with this one. It's not boring, chapters are relatively short (40-minutes-long episodes are considerably shorter than Korean drama's one-hour ones).

The acting was great (again, bear in mind that the characters are teenagers!), the chemistry between the leads was good, and, if you're like me, you'll enjoy the chemistry between the entire group (*spoiler alert* although Bosong and Jian Cheng are ready to throw hands at each other like 99% of the time *end of spoiler alert*).

If you have some time, I highly recommend you to watch it!

I'm leaving the trailer here, if you want to check it out:

A Love So Beautiful is available on NETFLIX, VIKI and YOUTUBE!

· · ·

I hope you liked this 'review'. I wanted to write one since I finished the drama, but I have been busy studying for my finals.

Sending lots of love during these weird times ♡

[hieludoboi]

A List of Things I’d Like to do With You (Pt 4/9)

A/n- hahahahahah this got deleted but I had it saved on my grammarly and prowritingaid accounts so we’re gucci. Just gotta proofread now 

A/n- this is just me indulging my Bokuroo fantasies tbh 

Links- Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5

Summary- Cute little carnival/amusement park date

Pairing- Daichi/Fem!Reader

Word Count- 6,000+

Trigger Warnings- Sick reader, terminal illness, vomit, blood, pretty sad, crying

________________________________________________________________

Daichi’s mother sighed as she sat on the park bench, a watchful eye over her three-year-old son. Daichi was running as best as he could through the sand, finding joy in kicking it up as he ran. The park was empty, filled only by Daichi’s occasional giggles and the creaking of the swings gently swaying in the evening breeze. 

Daichi wasn’t always the most social of children, being too shy and scared to play with the other children, and his mother desperately hoped that bringing him to the park would help him open up. It was rare that Daichi would want to play with the other children, preferring to observe them instead. But then she had shown up to the park.

A younger woman with a chubby little girl who couldn’t stop laughing or smiling. From the moment she had wobbled into the park, it seemed to grow brighter. Daichi was instantly drawn to her, his eyes following her all over the park while she ran around with different groups of children. 

Though, Mrs. Sawamura had to admit that the little girl had quite the character. It seemed like an eternity before Daichi stopped staring and finally walked towards her. The little girl was running around with a group of kids, giggling and laughing while they played tag. Daichi’s mother watched her son, smiling as he slowly started walking towards her, a shy smile on his face. 

And then he stopped in his tracks, eyes wide as she ran blindly towards him, head turned to the side to look at her mother with a wide smile. In two seconds they had knocked into each other, falling into a heap of limbs onto the sand. The little girl cried, face scrunched up while one hand covered the bruise on her shin. Mrs. Sawamura ran towards the children, looking up in time to see an apologetic and sweet-faced woman rushing towards the children. 

Before either of them could get to the children, Daichi had leaned forward, his forehead bumping against the girls with a soft ‘knock’. Both women stood in shock behind their children, watching as they looked up and giggled, wide grins and closed-eyed smiles as they bumped heads again. In the amount of time it took them to realize what had happened, Daichi had stood, helping up the little girl before she pulled him off to her group of friends. 

“Oh. Well, that went better than I thought.” Mrs. Sawamura giggled at the stunned look on the woman’s face. 

----------------------------

“All together, we have...... around 580 yen.” Daichi sighed, leaning back on his palms. It was cool outside, the spring breeze wafting between the trees and grass while Daichi and Y/n sat on Y/n’s porch. The convenience store wasn’t too far away, and their parents wouldn’t be home for another hour or so. As two fourteen-year-olds, they didn’t have too many options. It was either wait and starve or walk to the convenience store down the street and bicker over what they would share. 

“That’s enough for some onigiri and drinks!” Y/n determined, placing her fist in her hand, a grin on her face. Daichi groaned, shaking his head. He was not in the mood for onigiri. 

“It’s enough for some meat buns and drinks.” Daichi corrected a satisfied smile on his face. Daichi could practically feel Y/n’s entire face scrunch from beside him. 

“Onigiri.” Y/n grumbled, glaring at the side of Daichi’s face. Daichi scowled, turning to look at Y/n, a dark look on his face. Y/n’s eyes widened, her body trembling. Daichi’s ‘serious’ face was scary, but she would not waver. 

“Why don’t we just do one meat bun and one onigiri, problem solved,” Daichi suggested. Y/n groaned, dragging her palms down her face.

“We discussed this already! Onigiri is like 100 yen each, which leaves 280 yen for drinks and maybe chips! Meat buns are 200 each, that leaves only 180 for drinks and snacks! Onigiri are cheaper and yummier!“ Y/n argued, huffing when Daichi rolled his eyes.  

“You two are ridiculous. Just get one meat bun, one onigiri, and you’ll have enough for drinks.” Y/n and Daichi looked up, momentarily breaking their staring contest to see Suga shaking his head above them. 

“Suga, one onigiri will not be enough to pull me through the day!” Y/n explained, an exasperated look on her face. Daichi nodded, agreeing with her for once that day. 

“Yeah, one meat bun will not be enough!” Daichi echoed, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I think you’ll survive. Besides, your guys’ parents will be home soon to make dinner.” Suga reasoned. Y/n hummed, deep in thought. Daichi narrowed his eyes, seeming to contemplate Suga’s words.

“You may have a point.” Y/n mumbled. Suga smiled, reaching down to help Daichi and Y/n up from the porch.

“Let’s go then, yeah? My friend’s grandma runs the convenience store down the street and said they’re having a special on onigiri, so let’s go!” Suga whined. Y/n giggled, standing up and sticking her tongue out at Daichi. 

“Told you Onigiri are more cost-efficient!”

“Those were not your exact words!” Daichi grumbled, standing up to trail behind Suga and Y/n. 

-------------------------

It was one of those rare Saturday afternoons that Ukai had given them off. With nationals inching closer and closer, their free time seemed to be growing thinner. Practices took up most, if not all of his time. Yet still, he made time to go visit her. With the winter fast approaching, and the snow threatening to fall, Daichi found himself bringing her fresh flowers as often as he could.

Walking into the cemetery no longer had the effect it once did. The smell of chrysanthemums still stung his nose, but his rage was becoming less and less. He had taken Suga’s and Asahi’s advice, keeping her alive through his memories. It was a nice sentiment, and maybe it wasn’t how he wanted to spend his life with her, but it was much better than acting as if nothing had happened. Yet still, he was running out of things to talk about with her, the only things left being her list and her death. And while Daichi was happy to laugh and talk about their air balloon ride and their night under the stars, he was still not ready to remember how she died in his arms, face scrunched in agony, eyes glassed over as she realized her death was inching nearer. He didn’t want to think about the way she screamed, squeezing his hand purple while she begged the doctors to make it stop. Daichi sighed, pinching his temples and shaking his head. Not yet. He still had good things to talk about. 

Daichi took in a deep breath, relishing in the way the crisp December air stung his nostrils and chilled his chest. Lately, there had been no one to greet him at her grave, only flowers left by the other boys who would come on their free time, even some things from Bokuto and Kuroo who had been friends with her when her family moved to Tokyo for a few years before coming back, their friendship being rekindled at the training camp. 

He had recently become friends with the owners of a small flower shop. They were quite the pair, the old lady being very brash and opinionated, keeping the old man laughing and on his toes. The old man was serious, her exact opposite. He seemed to keep her grounded, stable, and unwavering. In some ways, Daichi could see Y/n in the woman, and himself in the old man, and it made his heart ache. He wondered if they would have led a life like that. Old and wrinkled, yet still full of life, a little shop all their own crawling with grandchildren every Saturday, their children coming in every Monday to help carry heavy vases.

This time, Daichi held a bouquet of yellow tsubakis in his hand. He grunted, settling in the cold and stiff grass, placing the bouquet next to the purple bell flowers that he could only assume one of the boys had brought her. 

“Sometimes I feel stupid for coming to talk to you. You’re dead, donezo as you would say... Sometimes I come and see Suga sitting here just talking the day away, telling you about everything and I feel stupid. I just- I don’t know why everyone’s okay with it and I’m not. You’re not suffering or anything anymore, but-” Daichi could feel his jaw clench, his eyes snapping shut to prevent any tears, but they fell. They spilled as if fleeing from a broken damn, dripping down his face onto his pants and shirt. He felt stupid. 

It had been so long, and he thought he was getting over it. Just last week he had sat with Asahi and talked to him with a smile on his face. He attended practices and acted as a good captain should. He felt fine, so why was he crying? Why did things suddenly become hard? How come all his progress seemed to get washed away by tsunamis of sorrow?

“Kou, she doesn’t like bell flowers!”

“Tetsu- yes she does! Which one of us did she go to school with, hmm?”

“Ugh, you, but-”

“Exactly! I know her better than you do!”

Daichi looked up, his vision blurred by his tears, his body trembling and weak. Hurriedly, Daichi wiped at his eyes, hoping to wipe away any traces of his pain.

“Huh, Daichi? Are you okay?” Bokuto’s voice was soft, full of worry and sympathy. His eyes were rounded and soft, a small frown tugging at his lips. Daichi nodded, sniffing, and turning to look at the trees behind him. He was fine. It had been months, he had to be fine at this point.

Daichi could hear both captains huff before plopping down beside him, the bottom halves of their faces covered by scarves. Bokuto turned to look at him, his smile hidden behind his scarf but present in his warm eyes. Kuroo offered Daichi a smile, reaching over to place the purple bell flowers beside Daichi’s bouquet. 

They sat there in silence for a moment, Bokuto twiddling his thumbs while Kuroo stared off into the distance, eyes focused on nothing in particular. Daichi could hear Bokuto fiddling beside him, humming while he played with his scarf. Who knew encounters outside of the court could be so awkward.

“Hey, uhm, not to be rude, but are you feeling okay?” Bokuto asked, his bottom lip caught between his teeth in worry. Daichi looked up in surprise, his eyes locking with Bokuto’s. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m pretty okay, I guess. It’s just hard...” Daichi mumbled, his hand holding onto the back of his neck, cheeks dusted over with a soft blush. 

“Well, at least two of us are doing okay. Bokuto seems to bawl his eyes out every other day just by thinking about her. You’d think they were soul mates with the way he cries.” Kuroo scoffed, leaning back on his palms, gazing at the clouds in the cold and gray sky. 

“We weren’t! We were just good friends, and it hurts to lose someone you cared about! I may not have been as close to her as Daichi, but she was still my friend and I miss her. A lot, okay!? And at least I process my feelings instead of being a jerk like you!” Bokuto retorted, tears pooling in his eyes, his hand reaching up to pull down his scarf so he could yell at Kuroo. “Maybe if you had an Akaashi, you would know how to process your emotions in a healthy way!” Bokuto added, turning his entire body, his lips in a pout while he sniffled. Daichi’s eyes widened as he looked between both males. What happened? 

Kuroo’s eyes seemed to soften, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Daichi chuckled when Kuroo gave him an apologetic smile before crawling towards Bokuto to sit next to him, his arms wrapping around Bokuto. 

“Kou, I’m sorry, bro. I know it’s hard, and you’re doing a great job. I’m proud of you, bro, so forgive me?” Bokuto wrapped his arms around Kuroo, nodding his head before pulling away to wipe his tears away. 

Daichi couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face and the laugh that left his lips. Their bickering reminded him of the way Y/n used to pick fights with him when she was bored. It made his chest fizzle with warmth, his cheeks feeling warm and pink with joy. He understood why she adored those two as much as she did.

“What’s so funny?” Bokuto huffed, his mitten clad hands still wiping at his eyes. Daichi shook his head, the grin still on his face.

“It just reminds me of the way Y/n and I used to argue.” Daichi chuckled, staring at the silver bracelet on his wrist with fondness. 

“Tetsu! What if we’re soulmates!” Bokuto gasped, his hands gripping Kuroo’s shoulders, shaking him. Kuroo groaned, but couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face.

“You’re my world, bro!” Kuroo declared, laughing at Bokuto’s antics. Daichi felt his smile drop a bit. They thought Y/n was his soulmate? Was she? Daichi stared at the flowers, deep in thought. Perhaps they were soulmates. 

“Oh! That reminds me! Y/n promised to tell me about the carnival! But, you know...” Bokuto mumbled, his eyes focused on his crossed knees. Daichi looked up, his eyes seeming to twinkle a bit at the mention of the memory. 

“Oh! Yeah, for sure, She got a spike to the face that day...” Daichi admitted, a bashful smile on his face.

---------------------------

Garbage. That’s the only way she could describe the way she felt. Her face clung onto a sickly pale and yellow undertone. The meat that used to reside on her bones had become a snack for the reaper that loomed above her head. Her eyes were like grainy and murky pearls resting in the deep and hollow pits of clamshells, and her cheekbones spiked through her skin like mountain peaks. Okay, so maybe she didn’t look that horrendous. In reality, she had shed maybe ten pounds? But she felt disgusting, her body wasting away into nothing. At her doctor’s appointments, she was told that she was surprisingly healthy, told she was fine, and maybe it was because they weren’t living with death that they didn’t see what she saw. 

Yet, even with the constant threat of death, she found something to keep her happy. At the moment, it was her relationship with Daichi. As promised, they tried. It wasn’t all kissing and cuddles; it wasn’t just romantic, but Y/n liked it. She liked the warmth that spread across her body whenever Daichi held her hand. She lived for the way he gazed at her. She adored the massages to her scalp, the kisses to her knuckles as they laid in his bed. The study dates, each celebratory hug after each game that was won, the little bits of intimacy that suddenly were sprinkled all throughout their interactions. It was subtle, nothing to hoot and holler about, but it made her happy. 

As per Daichi’s request, the events on her list were now planned, having a time and date. Though she lived for the spontaneous moments in life, she also liked knowing when things were happening. Even a person as chaotic as she could enjoy stability from time to time.

Y/n hummed to herself as she rolled in the five-gallon cooler filled with water. Kiyoko trailed behind her, checking things off of her clipboard and occasionally shooting Y/n a question or two. 

“Y/n-San!” Y/n looked up in time to see Noya and Tanaka running at her, hands outstretched to try to catch the volleyball that Asahi had accidentally sent flying her way. She couldn’t move, her feet practically glued to the ground. Before she knew it she was stumbling and tripping over her feet, her body falling onto the hard gym floor. Y/n groaned, holding the side of her head, her vision out of focus and her temples throbbing. Everything was spinning, and the familiar burn at the base of her throat began to bubble. Before Daichi or anyone could react, Kiyoko quickly helped her up, rushing Y/n to the bathroom. 

Y/n cried as she hunched over the toilet, Kiyoko rubbing her back to comfort her. It hurt, it hurt so bad, and all Y/n could do was sob and heave as the sick and blood flew from her lips. She hated that Kiyoko had to see it, hated that someone knew. No one was supposed to know. 

“Y/n...” Y/n looked up at Kiyoko to see her hand covering her mouth, tears welling in her eyes. “W-we need to call an ambulance, or-or take you to the doctor-” Kiyoko stuttered, her hand shaking as she reached for her phone.

“No! N-” Y/n heaved, gagging and wincing as nothing came up. “Please, no. I’m okay. I-” Y/n shuttered as she wiped the blood from her lips, looking down at the back of her hand to stare at the blood. “Sit.” Y/n patted the floor next to her. The bathroom floor was filthy, but she couldn’t find the strength she needed to stand. She still felt so light-headed, her vision going in and out of focus. Kiyoko nodded, sitting down beside Y/n, her hand still gripping her cell phone. 

“Please. Don’t tell anyone, I- I don’t want anyone to get upset.” Y/n stuttered, wincing as she hiccuped, the taste of sick and metallic blood coating her mouth and tongue. Kiyoko stared at Y/n, her eyes soft and sad. Though her hand was still trembling, she reached out, gently taking Y/n’s hand into her own. 

“I have terminal stomach cancer.” Y/n whispered, her hand gripping onto Kiyoko’s with a vice-like grip. It was the first time she had admitted to anybody that she was sick. It was the first time she had acknowledged she was sick. Y/n looked away, covering her mouth with her free hand to muffle the soft sobs that spilled from her lips. She was sick. Dying, she was dying and there was nothing that could cure or save her. No amount of treatment in the world could kill the cancer that was already spreading through her body, tearing it apart like a rabid and hungry animal. She was dying.

Y/n shook her head, her body trembling violently, the sobs spilling from her lips growing in volume. Oh god, she was sick. Kiyoko sniffled, pulling her into a hug on the filthy bathroom floor, holding her tightly against her body as she sobbed into her shoulder. Y/n was heaving, crying and practically screaming into Kiyoko’s shoulder, the hurt reverberating through her chest, filling the bathroom with a solemn haze. Soon, there was nothing left of her voice, her mouth meekly hanging open in a silent scream, her erratic breathing rocking her body to the core. 

It’s not like Kiyoko hadn’t seen it. In fact, most of the other boys had probably seen it too. Her eyes, though still bright, were now dull. Her body seemed to be subtly wasting away, the fullness of her face subduing. She wasn’t gaunt; she wasn’t terrible, but anyone who knew her well enough could notice it. 

----------------------

Daichi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose while Asahi, Noya, and Suga bickered in the background. Noya had been teasing Asahi for the past fifteen minutes about how his spike knocked Y/n to the ground. Suga had kept telling Noya to leave Asahi, but Noya was relentless in his attacks, leaving poor Asahi sulking and damn near close to tears.

“Short stack! Leave Man Bun alone or you’ll be running laps!” Ukai screamed, his eyebrows furrowed with anger. Daichi laughed, shaking his head as Noya instantly stopped, practically trudging back to the court to work on his receives. While they were poking fun at Asahi, Daichi couldn’t help but wonder how Y/n was doing. She had taken a spike to the face, and was struggling to get up, her face going pale while she stumbled over her feet. 

Speak of the devil, Daichi thought to himself, breathing a sigh of relief as Y/n walked back into the gym, Kiyoko right by her side. Daichi stared at her as she walked by, his eyes raking over every detail of her face. She seemed a bit dizzy, her eyes glassed over and her skin a little ashen, but nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. He hummed to himself, his eyes focusing on the redness of her eyes and the swelling of her cheeks. Had she been crying? Daichi turned around, eyes meeting Ukai's, silently asking for permission. Ukai gave him a curt nod and Daichi silently thanked him before jogging towards Y/n who was sat next to Kiyoko on the stage.

"You okay?" Daichi asked, taking her hands in his, his thumbs brushing lightly over her knuckles. Y/n sniffled, leaning forward and letting herself be caught against Daichi's chest. Daichi grunted, chuckling as she buried her face into his chest.

"Did it hurt that much?" Daichi teased, bringing a hand up to gently massage the back of her head. Y/n huffed, pulling back to butt her head against Daichi's. 

"Jerk. If you caught one of Asahi's spikes with your face you'd be crying too!" Y/n retorted, sharply turning her head so Daichi could only see her cheek. 

"Wow. So that's how it is!" Daichi huffed, leaning forward to nudge his nose against her cheek. He laughed as Y/n gasped, eyes going wide with embarrassment. He loved seeing her get all flustered. She obviously wasn't doing too bad, but Daichi still couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

"It is! Now hurry so we can go on another escapade! You take way too much time in the shower to be idling by!" Y/n said, pushing Daichi away from in between her legs so he could join the others.

----------------------

"Okay, can you tell me where we're going?" Daichi asked, leaning slightly to the left to lean his head against Y/n's shoulder as she drove. Y/n huffed, shrugging his head off of her shoulder before pulling into a relatively empty parking lot. "Is this- are we at an amusement park?" Daichi stared at Y/n with disbelief. An amusement park? 

"Yes, sir!" Y/n chirped happily, unbuckling her seatbelt to practically jump out of the car. Daichi sighed, dragging himself out of the car. It's not that didn't want to be there, but the smell of hotdogs and grease, fried foods, and the occasional pile of vomit were not the least bit appealing to him. But the smile on her face was all he needed to look at to go along with her plan. 

She called them escapades, little adventures they took based on her bucket list. She always seemed to be teeming with glee whenever they completed one. Her eyes regained their usual glint, her smile was no longer restrained, and the color even began to seep back into her skin. It was the only reason Daichi let himself be dragged along. 

"So... Games or rides?" Y/n questioned, taking his hand in hers as they walked into the park. Daichi hummed, looking around the park and contemplating his options. 

"Games first. I wanna be corny and win you a huge stuffed animal." Daichi said, nodding his head with determination and placing his fist on his palm. Y/n laughed, shaking her head in amusement. She was relaxed, leaning into Daichi's side and playing with his hand as they looked for their first game. 

"Bet you I can win you a stuffed animal before you can!" Y/n teased, pulling away from Daichi, a sly grin on her face. Daichi tutted, staring at her in surprise. Her competitive streak hadn't shown itself in a while.

"Oh? How much do you wanna bet?" Daichi questioned, leaning close to her face, a smirk on his face. 

"If you lose, which you will, we go get onigiri!" Y/n grinned, leaning forward, almost closing the gap between them.

"Fine. If I win, which I definitely will, we go get meat buns." Daichi declared, closing the gap between them to capture her lips in a playful kiss. Y/n pulled away, casting her gaze off to the side while her fingers played with the bottom of her shirt. As flustered as she was, she would not lose!

-------------------------

It took a while before they finally settled on ring tossing. It took a lot of bickering and convincing, but there they were, glaring at each other as they practically ripped the rings out of the poor worker's hands. 

"I'm gonna beat you, Sawamura." Y/n threatened, her gaze still locked onto Daichi's. 

"That's rich coming from you, L/n." Daichi's voice was cold with a playful lilt, the same smirk still plastered onto his face. Y/n tutted, breaking the staring contest to instead focus on the game. Not because Daichi's smirk made her flustered, totally not because of that, not at all...

Daichi laughed, practically throwing his head back at the scowl that adorned Y/n's face. Y/n could feel her face scrunch, but she paid no attention to Daichi or his antics. She took a breath before throwing her first ring, groaning as it clung to the rim of the bottle before slipping off.

"What'd you say, L/n?" She could hear the stupid smirk in his voice. God, she wanted to punch him in his stupidly handsome face sometimes. Daichi gave her a smug look, tossing one of his rings and waiting for it to land. Only it didn't, not even close. It flew short, falling before it could reach it. Y/n could feel the laughter burst from her chest like water flowing from a broken dam. 

"Dude! Oh my god! You should see the look on your face right now!" Y/n was cackling, doubling over and holding onto her sides, wheezing while tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. Daichi was hunched over, eyes locked on the fallen ring on the dirt floor. He? Missed? Daichi watched as Y/n stood back up, her cheeks glistening with tears of laughter. He had four rings left, he still had a good shot of getting all three bottles. 

"Doesn't count," Daichi grumbled, scowling when Y/n continued to tease him.

"Daichi! Watch this!" Y/n called, easily tossing a ring onto the rim of the bottle. Daichi stood straight, eyes locked onto the rims. He was going to win. He wasn't the most pride obsessed person on the planet, but he'd be damned if their dinner wasn't some tasty, big, and juicy meat buns. Y/n straightened after leaning over to throw her third ring, visibly deflating when it missed. She had two more rings, and only two bottles left. Daichi still had a chance.

Daichi cleared his throat, standing tall when Y/n turned to look at him with confused eyes. He made sure to make a grand display, picking up the ring with exaggerated gesture and leaning over with his butt sticking out before daintily throwing the ring, watching with a smile as it spun around the rim before falling in place around the neck. Y/n groaned, turning away instead to focus on her bottles. She was a prideful person, and losing a bet she made did not sit well with her at all. 

"And we have a winner!" Y/n looked up in surprise, mouth hanging open as Daichi smugly stood with his hands on his hips. 

"Take your pick, Y/n." Daichi's smile was wide, spreading across his face and leaking into his eyes and the red tips of his ears. Though her pride had been badly bruised by the loss, she couldn't help but feel giddy as she pointed to the massive frog that sat atop the rest of the plushies. Daichi thanked the man running the stall as he gave him the frog, turning to place the stuffed frog in Y/n's open and waiting arms. 

"Thank you." Y/n murmured, leaning forward to place a chaste kiss to Daichi's cheek. She could feel the warmth rush into his face the moment she pulled away, his mouth hanging slightly open.

"It was nothing,” Daichi admitted, rubbing the back of his neck while he looked around the rest of the park. 

"More games? Or do you wanna go on rides?" Y/n asked, her chin resting on the top of her frog plush. Daichi tapped his chin in thought. They had many options here. They could waste their money on more games and probably not win prizes because let's face it, these games are rigged. They could use their bracelets to their advantage and ride every ride they had to offer, which probably wasn't a good idea as both of them had really bad motion sickness. Or they could gorge on all the greasy and fried foods until they were stuffed sick.

Daichi loved food, adored it, but he knew he wouldn't be ab;e to enjoy the soggy grease smothered fried food on sticks without Ukai yelling at him. The games, though fun, would only cause an argument. For as much as he loved her, sometimes he just wanted to shove her into a pit. Daichi was a bit of a sore loser, and Y/n an even bigger one. Some rides weren't too bad, not all of them were roller coasters that would make them throw everything back up. 

"What if we ride the carousel?" Daichi suggested, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side. 

"We'd look like idiots." Y/n deadpanned, looking up at Daichi with a serious expression. Daichi rolled his eyes, sighing through his nose.

"Since when have you cared about looking like an idiot?" Daichi shot back. Y/n scoffed, turning her nose upwards. 

"Excuse you, but I am a very dignified person!" Y/n retorted. She watched as Daichi laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, his head tilting back. Did he really think of her that way? She knew he was joking, but she couldn't help but bite the inside of her cheek with worry. Did he think she was an idiot?

-----------------

Y/n laughed wholeheartedly as she hoisted herself onto the metal horse, watching as Daichi situated himself on the horse next to her, sitting straight and tall, mimicking some fake posh pose. 

"Madam," Daichi said seriously, pretending to tip his 'hat'. Y/n stifled her laughter, trying her best to curtsy on the horse.

"Good sir," Y/n replied, the grin creeping back up onto her face. 

-------------------------

Daichi hummed to himself happily as Y/n pulled him around the park, going from game to ride to food to game. She was buzzing with energy, pretty e/c eyes glimmering in the red, blue, green, and orange light of the park. At this point, they had gone on almost every ride, save for the rollercoasters. The only ride left was the Ferris wheel.

"C'mon!" Y/n tugged at Daichi's hand, pulling him closer to the giant and lit up wheel. They were some of the last people left at the park, and the lines for everything were now a lot shorter. In a matter of minutes, Daichi was sat next to Y/n, the giant frog on the ground next to the operator. Y/n looked up at Daichi, a grin on her face as she leaned into his side. 

She felt happy, warm, and safe. She felt it all the time, bubbling in her chest and fluttering in her stomach like butterflies. But she was tired, drained, and depleted. It took everything in her to not fall asleep on Daichi; it took all her energy to smile and giggle. She felt joy; she felt as if she were basking in a clear pool of nostalgia and warmth, but the irritation seemed to find a way into the pool to taint it. She felt nice, so why did she want to scream? Why did she want to cry and curse the world and everyone in it? 

You're so stupid, you're going to die, idiot, Y/n thought to herself, sinking further into Daichi's side, her gaze focused on the moon that began to rise. Was it really that late? The ride came to a halt, the carriage that Y/n and Daichi sat in stopping at the very top. Y/n looked over the side, gasping as she surveyed the park, eyes skimming over various stands and lights. 

Pretty. It was one of the few ways Daichi could describe the sight. The various colors of lights that bathed the park in shades on blue, green, red, and orange shone like a soft glow off of Y/n's s/c skin, reflecting on her cheeks like little ponds of light. Her eyes were open and round, mouth slightly agape. Pretty.

Y/n turned to look at Daichi, a wonder-filled grin on her face. Daichi smiled, his eyes tender. He leaned forward, one hand cupping her face, his thumb gently stroking the skin beneath it. Y/n relaxed under the touch, leaning into it. They stayed like that for a moment, Daichi stroking her cheek while she sat relaxed and still with closed eyes. And then Daichi was leaning in, pressing a warm and slow kiss to her lips. Y/n could feel the fire prickle underneath her skin, crawling to the tips of her toes and fingers. She could feel a buzz prance on her face, she could hear her blood rushing and heart beating. Daichi's hand dropped to her neck, giving it the lightest squeeze, his palms feeling like silk draped against her neck. 

Y/n pulled away, pupils blown and lips parted. She could feel Daichi's eyes studying her entire face, taking in every dip and angle, memorizing every beauty mark like they were constellations in the sky. Before she could steady her breathing, Daichi was dipping his head, pressing his lips to hers once again, gently nipping at her bottom lip before pulling away.

"Is this okay?" Daichi whispered, his eyes closed, lips closer to her jaw now than they were before. Y/n gulped, her gaze flitting down to Daichi before nodding. Daichi stayed still for a minute, relishing in the heat of her skin. Then before he could think, he was peppering kisses along her jaw, gently working his way down to her neck. Y/n gasped, body jolting when Daichi's lips brushed against her neck. Daichi chuckled, brushing the area with the tip of his nose, a smile sneaking onto his lips when he heard a giggle slip past Y/n's lips. 

Tenderly, he pressed a kiss to her neck. Nothing more, nothing less. He stayed still, the silent question hanging in the air. May I? He could feel the way her breaths became just the slightest bit sporadic, he could feel every jolt, hear every gasp and giggle. Could he? And then Y/n was holding his hand, giving it a soft squeeze. Daichi pressed one more kiss to the area before giving it a swift nip, quickly pressing his lips to it to soothe the soft nip of pain. Y/n giggled at the sensation, her laughter quickly being drowned by soft gasps as Daichi began to bruise the skin with his lips and teeth. Daichi pulled back, pressing one final kiss to the patch of skin before lifting his head to give Y/n a soft smile. 

---------------------------

Daichi had been scrolling through his phone, waiting for Y/n in the truck while she made a quick trip into the convenience store to pick up the meat buns they had bet on. She had insisted on going into the convenience store with her giant plushie, stating that it was because she was in love with it, and not because she wanted to show a friend of hers who just so worked there. It had been well over fifteen minutes before Y/n stepped into the car again, a sour look on her face and the bag with the meat buns in her hand. Daichi didn't even have to ask her what was wrong. As soon as she sat down she was going off about some lady in the store.

"She called me childish! Said I was probably irresponsible and then lectured me! Stupid lady, ruining my night." Y/n grumbled, giving Daichi his meat buns and leaving hers in the bag so she could drive. "You don't think I'm childish and irresponsible, right?" Y/n asked, her eyes focused on the road. Daichi stilled, his face shoved into the savory pork bun. He did not want to answer that. "Daichi?" As much as he loved her, even Daichi could admit she was a bit of a handful sometimes. She managed to get in trouble wherever she went, and there wasn't a day that went by where Daichi wasn't dragging her out of that mess. But Daichi adored it. Even if it meant getting in trouble with the neighbors and his parents. She was his constant reminder that life was meant to be lived. 

"I think you can be all those things and more, but it's charming," Daichi responded truthfully, chuckling when Y/n perked up in her seat. 

"Thanks, Dai," Y/n murmured, keeping her eyes on the road as to not make eye contact with Daichi.

"Meat bun?" Daichi offered, pulling one of the buns from the plastic bag, unwrapping it, and holding it to her lips.

"I prefer onigiri." Y/n teased, leaning forward to take a quick bite from the bun.

------------------------------------------

Bokuto leaned back on his palms, a soft smile on his face. Daichi sighed, his eyes focused on the hem of his coat. He wondered, what happened to her frog? 

"It's comforting to know she was happy those last few months," Kuroo admitted, his hands on his knees. Daichi looked up to see Bokuto and Kuroo gazing out at the sky, eyes focusing on the different clouds that billowed across the cold, grey skies. 

"It is, huh..." Daichi agreed, allowing himself to relax and smile. It was nice to think she had been happy. At least for a little bit.