#and she mustve been like. not much older than me

[sgt-celestial]

i had to send an email recently to someone i had briefly met earlier that day and when she replied she put her pronouns next to her name and idk whether to put my pronouns or just leave it 🧍🏻‍♂️

[kindred-spirit-93]

grace siblings x the ithaca saga

hear me out. disclaimer for severe sibling angst ahead so be warned. also! special thanks to and blame on @xixovart for the original idea :')

aight so, unreleased ithaca saga number i cant help bit wonder fits them and both of them extraordinarily well, allow me to demonstate:

All my life, I'd have died to meet you Thought about your name so much it hurts For twenty years I'd dreamt of how I'd greet you Oh, and now you're here I can't find the words

i havent read the books so pls correct me if im wrong, but i dont think the siblings saw much of each other after they were seperated.

thalia: perhaps here jason passes her tree unknowingly and she just feels him. and she thinks to herself all what could have been..

jason: hes heard so much about his older sister only now learning of her death, and it breaks him

--

All my life I'd have died to know you Days and nights I wish that I could show you For twenty years I never could outgrow you Oh, and now you're here

thalia: living on the streets perhaps her thoughts where with her baby brother whom she had to look after for so long, the price of ensuring his well being and growth stunting her own

jason: holding onto the idea of his warrior older sister, trying to live up to the image he has of her in his mind. he stands now helpless infront of her tree, unsure what to do. what to think

--

I can't help but wonder What your world must be If we're like each other If I have your strength in me

jason: now learning of the immense hardship his upbringing had entailed, the years of neglect and abuse followed by running away and not knowing his fate. jason is overwhelmed with what it mustve been like to live years not knowing if she will live to see the next sunrise

I can't help but feel like Sorrow's all I've known And I can't help but realize For so long I've felt alone

thalia: maybe as a tree maybe before that wherever she is or may be, thalia knows her brother didnt have the easiest childhood. he may not be on the streets like she once was but in many ways he had to learn how to fend for himself

both: reflecting on how theyve been doomed from the start. no child of the big three could ever have as we say in arabic مرور الكرام - muroor al kiram (lit. gracious passage) i.e to go unnoticed; they were never going to get the endings they deserved. its the price they were forced to pay for their fathers' mistakes and shortcomings.

-------

this next part is more father son oriented so ill skip the first verse lol

Used to say I'd make the storm clouds cry for you Used to say I'd capture wind and sky for you Held you in my arms prepared to die for you, oh How times has flown

thalia: once again thinking of the child she held in her arms, her baby brother, whom she loved more than anything, but served as a harsh reminder of the reality of their living conditions.

I can only wonder What your world has been Things you've had to suffer And the strength you hold within

jason: need i say more?

All I've ever wanted Was to reunite with my own 20 years we've wandered But today you're not alone

both: in her strange state of being and in his half living state, thalias leaves rustle in the wind, jason reaches to feel the bark under his fingertips. it hardly counts for an embrace, but its all they have

I'm finally home

both: jason cries and the morning dew falls and the skies weep for the siblings that could have had it all but were given nothing and stripped of everything

--

fun fact i originally had just jason be telemachus and thalia ody but decided it works well for both so i split them into two different interpretations sort of?

idk in my minds eye it reads like how in movies 2 people reach out to each other at the same time unkowingly and like hold hands kinda but are sperated by a wall or sum lol.

yeah. them.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

out of interest, how do you think izaya developed aspd and npd? i know that pds typically develop as a result of trauma so i suppose his parents always being absent would be a factor but id also like to hear your thoughts on it. love the aspd izaya headcanon btw

first off, thank u!

and secondly, his parents being absent would definetley be a factor. i read somewhere that its actually children whove been neglected that are more likely to develop aspd rather than children who are abused, because the complete LACK of stimului contributes to aspd more than bad stimuli does. take this with a grain of salt though because my source is "i saw it somewhere" and im 90% sure that place was NOT a study so it might be wrong

but either way, both pds are known to be caused by trauma and both have a genetic component to them. the genetic component isnt SUPER well known, but it IS known that there's a hereditery component here

so honestly? i think izaya was born with antisocial tendencies. NOT aspd, i must stress- at a very young age, if he was given adequate support and treatment, they could've stayed tendeicies and he wouldn't have developed fullblown aspd. he couldve turned out like one of those guys with a bit of a skewed morality system but is otherwise mentally healthy enough to participate in society without wanting to kill himself or others. quirks over disorder

but from pretty much every account i can think of, izaya was ALWAYS an odd child, to the point where it was his father that instilled a love of humanity into him

When he was younger, I saw he was distant from others, and that made me worried. And so I wanted him to come to like humans and become a man who could strongly love people twice as others would. (source)

of course this isnt exactly very detailed wrt izayas behavior, but if its enough that his absent father noticed, it mustve been pretty serious

so wrt his aspd, i think he was born with those kinds of tendencies, which were then exasperated by the neglect and ergo got worse and worse over the years, culminating in high school with his friendship with shinra, blackmailimg of nakura, and his beginning to poke his nose in the underground

his npd is a bit trickier

so, the way i personally developed npd is that my mom would seem to have two perceptions of me in her head, depending on wether or not i was following the Good Perception or not. the first me, the good one, was intelligent, kind, and filled with potential. the other one was a stupid lazy monster. i was the good one, up until i did anything she didnt like, then i was the bad one. these two ideas getting fed into me led to me clinging onto the Good Perception as how i really was, and if something even for a second made me slip, i'd crash down from total egoism to total repulsion. And It Sucked!

(disclaimer: do not armchair diagnose my mother. i have my theories but they will stay private and i absolutely do not want a STRANGER butting into this, especially when they could know less abt mental illness than me and thus spread misinformation)

now, i dont think izaya's parents were like my mom- but there was still a dichotomy at play here. he would go to school, where he would be a smart student and praised by his teachers, even if he kept to himself. then, he'd go home, and be alone. as he got older, it only got worse- humans are social creatures, and we don't take well to being lonely. the mind starts to cope with it however it can.

as izaya started to venture deeper into the underground, he couldve started to develop a superiority complex about it. see, look- he's smarter than everyone. better than everyone. that's why he's alone, its because he's too good to be around them. not because he's worse. he's better.

because, especially once he gets to high school age... izaya is smart. izaya is perceptive. izaya would be able to tell that there's something different about him, and that's why people avoid him and he avoids them. there's something wrong with him in a way that's repulsive and unpalatable to most. that'd wreck a kid's self-image, especially a neglected kid's, since he'd already have low self-image from, yk, the neglect

and the dichitomy of the low and high self-image makes him develop npd- the ego masks the low self esteem, but both are equally felt and true, its not like his egoism and god complex are fake- it's all very real, he feels it all and believes it genuinely, and he clings onto it because if he slips, he KNOWS where he's gonna plummet

anyway thats just my take on it!! "it was his childhood" is prolly a boring answer but honestly a lot of mental illness has that answer at the root of it. art imitates life and all

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

omg wait i didn’t even know jensen had an older sister that makes everything sm juicier. fucked up sibling dynamics my beloved. and knowing luis had adria all this time makes me more sympathetic to him than before LMAO. wait i have more questions…was taking jensen instead of adria a deliberate choice on April’s part? does jensen suffer from ‘i wasn’t worth the effort’ thoughts in relation to his father when he sees the type of parent he is w/ adria (poor lad) also does Bryce know about adria? also what happens with april later in life? ty for indulging me I love family dynamics and the family you’ve created here is definitely dynamics-ing

yeah adria came after my jensen character sheet (which is one of the many reasons why its not accurate anymore) and i havent posted much ab her so shes not exactly common knowledge

yes it was deliberate in that jensen was younger so it was easier (in theory) to take him. he wouldn't ask as many questions, and she figured hed be able to acclimate easier given the language change

jensen and adria both have a realllyyy strained relationship. they both think that the other one essentially got the "better end" of the deal. adria sees jensen as this super successful doctor with an amazing education and jensen sees adria as super close to her family. jensen doesnt think much about his dad so i dont think he'd ever think ab not being worth the effort, but theres def some animosity in terms of him thinking luis was the better parent (same as adria thinking april mustve been the better parent. grass is always greener type situation).

bryce eventually learns ab adria but it was probs some unrelated offhand comment jensen made like 5 years post oph. bryce was probs ranting ab keiki and some stupid shit she did and jensens like 'at least you still get along. i dont ever talk to my sister' and bryce is sitting there like your what🧍

as for april, right after jensen went into foster care she ended up getting some help through a housing program. she was able to work consistently full time which helped her to stay in the program until she was financially stable enough to rent an apartment closer to her place of work. though i dont have this completely fleshed out, in versions before i had her marry a pretty well-off guy and she moved with him to the west coast. as of rn i dont really know much beyond that (aside from how she dies. so.)

[haemosexuality]

memories i have of being a child and a lesbian:

-first week of 3rd grade, i walked in class and thought "ok i need to pick a boy to have a crush on this year". i thought that was just what you did. picked one bc i thought he had a cool haircut, proceeded to never have a conversation w him

-thinking "girls are naturally so much prettier than boys. this is common knowledge"

-being really jealous of the Cool Girl in my 4th grade class that was One Of The Boys. she played football with them. she sat really relaxed in chairs. she doesnt care about being pretty. isnt that just so cool? starts consciously trying to imitate her. also, even before that i always made sure to INSIST that my favorite color was blue and i did NOT like pink!!!!

-playing barbies with my cool, older cousin (she mustve been like 11? 12? i was around 8). her barbie was a mess because she had just broken up with her other barbie. i was confused. she explained to me what lesbians were (i knew men could be gay, but not women). immediately after that every single doll i had was a lesbian in a relationship. after figuring that it was probably a bit weird i was so obsessed with making my dolls lesbians, i came to the conclusion i would "probably like girls when i grow up". decided to tell my other, deeply religious cousin about this. she went "WHAT" and i went "HAHA JUST KIDDING IT WAS A JOKE" and never thought about it again

-a year later me and the deeply religious cousin were making ever after high dolls fuck. i was the one that came up w that idea (i also didnt know women could have sex at that point, i thought i had invented lesbian sex) and this haunted me for years bc i thought that that cousin had become homophobic after we grew up. recently found out shes also gay, good for her

-being just Really obsessed with marceline from adventure time for some reason. whenever i saw her on tv my heart would beat really really fast. wonder whats up w that 🤔

-being grounded for like, 5 months when i was 10 because my mom found out i was watching youtube videos from a lesbian couple. and also some videos with sex jokes. i wish i remembered that the lesbians channel was so bad

-i also watched lubatv. hes a brazilian youtuber famous for being openly gay. he introduced me to the concept of shipping, because ppl shipped him with another youtuber, t3ddy. he (plus facebook, and the cool older cousin from before) also introduced me to social activism

-asking permission from my parents to put a rainbow filter on my facebook pfp, in support of gay people. i thought i was such a good straight ally. i dont remember what happened but i think something negative mustve bc a lot of ppl were doing that in 2015. wait fuck now that i think about it that mightve actually been in 2016 because of pulse

- (we are still in 2015 im still 10) watching clips from Steven Universe Season 1 Episode 53 Jailbreak on youtube. they were (badly) subtitled bc i didnt speak english yet. i was absolutely shocked and could not believe they would show two girls kissing in a childrens cartoons, not bc i thought that was bad but bc i was like. would cartoon network really allow this??? i proceed to memorize the entire episode (again i didnt even speak english. and i watched it so many times i memorized it anyways lmao)

-being 11, and having my friend introduce to me this cool new thing she had found online, "fanfics". she linked me a college au fanfic of marceline and bubblegum from adventure time. it had a fade to black implied sex scene. i was hypnotized

-i was a very anxious child and every morning before getting to school i would prepare step-by-step what i would do when entering class. one day my internal monologue went "walk in, say good morning to teacher, kiss [previously mentioned girl best friend] on the mouth, say hello to- wait. where did that come from". start wondering if i was really Just A Really Good Straight Ally

-few days later, me and my friend group were discussing gay people. one of them asked "like i wonder if any of us are gonna be gay?". i thought for about 2.5 seconds and said "i think im bi", being the first one on my class to come out. they were all p chill ab it. i am not bi but its the thought that counts

-cutting off 30 inches of my really long hair and shaving one side at 11. my dad was mad at me for a week and he told me "i dont understand why you did this. you're looking like a dyke". originally i had planned to cut all of it really short "boy style" but the hairstylist insisted on at the very least letting half of it be longer. i did think half shaved hair was Cool so i was fine with that

[lunarcry]

reading emus 1st bday card and haruka called emu her dear friend ;v;

more talk(mostly lines tbh) cuz im AUGRGH

emu running in the hallways -> running into mafuyu (like. Seriously they put their sprites so close so that mustve been an almost crash LOLLL) -> emu immediately getting the (terrfied) face iiiiiiiii

Emu: (Her eyes weren't smiling at all... But still, she wished me a happy birthday!)

mafuyu....

first part of her talking with her siblings now that i finished pt1 but

Keisuke: Okay, Private Emu. Your mission is to go to school as ordered. Emu: Roger! Private Emu will head out immediately!! (goofiest nyooming away sound) Shousuke: And don't cross any streets without looking first!

felt that A Lot Older Than The Youngest energy in my heart

Emu: What?! You guys made all these?! That makes me super duper extra happy with a cherry on top!

shes so cuteeee LOLLL

actually tearing up though i love wxs sm,,,the stage where it all began,,,IM SO EMOTIONALLLLT_T the way theyre going all out for emu augh thinking about that card where the mascots are glad she met her friends,,,,

Tsukasa: Correct! And Nene was the one who suggested that we do something special to celebrate. Emu: This was your idea, Nene?! Nene: Um, well... I knew you liked surprises, so I thought that it could be fun... But Tsukasa and the others are the ones who gathered everyone to help...

EMU TEARING UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP NOT THE >_< SPRITE WHEN SHE YELLS ILU LMFAO

Emu: (From up here... Everyone's smiles looks so sparkly...!) Emu: They put a big smile on my face, so now it's my turn to do the same for them! I don't want to today to be just about me... I want to make it a super special day for everyone...!

Mafuyu: Happy birthday, Otori. I know it was brief, but I'm glad we had a chance to talk. Your fun and energetic personality has this way of cheering up everybody around you, so I hope that doesn't change moving forward.

Haruka: It was also easy to tell how much you love shows and seeing everyone smile. Airi: Totally. I hope you get more and more chances to make people smile with your shows, Emu. I'll be looking forward to seeing what you have in store for us.

Nene: Yeah, she has so many friends too. Having Hoshino and the others to help out was nice, but I was so nervous when I asked them about this. Rui: But it was worth it in the end, right? Nene: Yeah... Especially since I got to see Emu smile so much.

Hinata: We're happy to see you surrounded by so many wonderful friends. I hope you get to have lots of fun with them in the future!

;_______; emotional

[2for2long]

i want to hear everything you think about all the medias your obsessed with even if i’m not in the fandom 😍

I LOVE U ROREVER AND EVER AND FOREVER

tlos

ok so OBVIOUSLY im starting with tlos and atom!!!!!!!! I LOVE it i was literally crying over alex bailey the other night <3 it means a lot to me because (i know it sounds corny and whatever but) it really helped me when i was alone and i just really saw myself in alex and im really attached to her!!!! god the sacrifices she had to make throughout the series? perfect!!!!!

first she lost her dad, and essentially her mom as well which knocked out two of her best friends!! and one can assume that since her brother was far more popular(? had more people to talk to at least if i am remembering correctly) she felt extremely alone for that year after!! and then she gets sent to the fairytale world? with all her role models and comfort characters? a girl could only dream to have that!! and then when she's there she nearly dies (like all main characters <3) and then she's forced to go back!!! back to a world where she doesn't fit in and has no one! and then she gets to go back!!! of course her mom's in danger after being captured but it still mustve felt good to be back. and then she had to defeat ezmia when all hope had been lost!! all on her own!!! and was willing to sacrifice her life to save the world because it was HER world, all that she had!!!!! and then she had to choose between the two worlds she had. the otherworld, a place where she never fit in, but her mother and brother (the only family she had for the past 2 years) were, or the fairytale world, where she BELONGED and had a role other than conner's quiet, smart sister!!!!!! and then in the next book!! she meets rook. and oh i could go on about rook and alex forever they were so tragic!! she met a boy and for the first time felt fairytale love, what she had read about for years, and it all came crashing down again!!! he betrayed her and even though she understood and undoubtedly wouldve done the same to save her father as well (rook had to give away alex's plans to the grand army to save his village from being fed to a dragon) she just couldnt trust him and had to let go but still loved him as a friend!!!

now im a little rocky on what exactly happens in the last 3 books because i read them all at once and it blurs together in my head but!! oh the scene where she meets her role models. she's being hyped up by the very girls that she spent hours thinking and dreaming about and they were all there for HER so that she could save the ones she loved AGAIN!!! and damn rook sacrificing his life for alex, which momentarily lifts her curse only for her to be 10x more destructive because she lost ANOTHER person?? kiss kiss i love it. and i cant forget arthur of course i love those two together!!! the fact he literally sped up his own story just to be with her was so sweet. anyway back to alex <3 she just does so much and lost so much and sacrificed so much but by the end of the series its all WORTH IT shes done it shes grown old in a home where she BELONGS with her family and she and conner are still as close as ever!!!

as for conner bailey i dont really relate much to him </3 not at the start anyway. when i was younger i was much more like alex, a gifted kid and just staying with my books. but now that im older i can see conner more. he lost his best friend too. and then barely a year after that he's introduced to this crazy world where NOTHING is the same, and he doesnt like it, and he wants to go back but his sister wants to do nothing but stay!!! theyre two sides of a coin as intended yk? i think they were grieving their dad in different ways where conner was trying to move on and alex was looking for their dad in the little things but i dont have much reason to that and it doesnt really relate right now so! and when he finally gets home everything keeps changing. ever since his dad died, everything's become turned on it's head and it won't stop changing.

and here i want to take a break from conner and talk more about the differences between conner and alex because i love alex and will never not think about her but also because theyre so different and yet they work so well together. both of them liked it better when their dad was alive; conner had friends, had a dad to joke with, and alex had her books, had a dad to comfort her. when he died, they both started to become more depressed i guess? less themselves. i mean its literally established because conner is said to have kept falling behind in school while alex pushes herself into it. i like to think it was their own ways of coping where conner wanted everything to just stop for a moment and let him take it in because from how its described everything just happened so damn fast, from their dad dying to the funeral to their mom being gone at work to them having to move and it just keeps changing. alex's way of coping seems to have always been to distract herself or immerse herself into something (e.g., fairytales) so she instead does this with her work because it makes her proud to see that something is changing for the better, even if that meant that her dad really was gone.

and then next thing he knows time keeps moving and fuck! he's lost his sister to the fairytale world forever. she chose there, and he chose the otherworld. and then, yes, she's back! but fuck, now their grandma's dead! and damn they have an evil uncle? and god they have to spend more years of their life stopping it? at least he got a gf and a basically-brother out of it. i think he wrote the fairytaletopia series as a way to cope with losing those years of his life because holy shit those were definitely some important years in a person's development and they were just for fighting, what, 3 entire wars?

tldr alex and conner coped with the loss of their father in different ways that ended up making them take different paths in life but because of the adventures they suffered through together they're still as close as ever

(can you tell i think about alex a lot more)

atom

i have a lot of thoughts about this trilogy. first of all im really hoping theres a 4th or that colfer somehow clears up the whole snow queen incident? if xanthous killed her, why is she still alive? wouldnt brystal have done something about it? or any of the fairy council? its well-known she's still around too. so what's up with that?

i love brystal and lucys friendship developing. theyre shown to be best friends in tlos and honestly they seem like more than best friends in atom but thats just me being queer!! (but theres also no way any main character in this series is not some sort of queer, i mean it's literally just. a large metaphor about discrimination. specifically queerphobia but literally just discrimination as a whole. i mean literally sevens whole thing mirrored HORRIBLE groups like nazis and the kkk with them trying to eradicate the fairies and anyone different if that makes sense) i havent reread this series in a while apart from xelrik moments so i cant call out many specifics however!! brystal being the first one to connect to lucy <3

and wow the third book. xanthous being the LITERAL KING OF HELL? hell yeah!!! my man got a boyfriend and a whole army of fire behind him. AND HE TREATS THEM FAIRLY!!! im just confused how elrik manages to stay alive? (i like to think that while xanthous is taking care of the whole tlos thing elrik is watching over the firey pits of hell they rule together <3) i cant express how much i love that colfer just made these two gay asses the RULERS OF HELL. and oh xanthous as a whole!!!

his abusive dad saying he cant do anything unmanly. i love love thinking that eventually, one day, emeralda (emerelda?? i forgot help) helps him realize that being 'unmanly' is okay and helps him work through his trauma cause they have a really cute sibling dynamic!!! <3

also tangerina and skylene are adorable. <3

pjo/hoo/toa

okay well. see. its more than 15 books worth of thoughts. AND I HAVENT EVEN READ TSATS YET BUT I ALREADY LIKE IT

so obviously percys entire character development in pjo is just. mwah <3 he falls flat in hoo and i wish he'd just been a mentor and it be like a passing the sword kind of thing? like oh, the next generation of demigod heroes!! ill help them so they dont have it as hard as i did when i went through a war! and same thing with annabeth. i love their relationship so much. ive always been in love with the friends to lovers dynamic and the way this was pulled off, holy shit. 4 long years of pining and teasing and now theyre in love forever!!

i really love thinking about side characters so im just gonna run through the ones i love the most and why really quick!!!

the stolls!! i LOVED that connor was said to be upset at his brother leaving in toa!! i feel like it showed off their sibling love more yk? i have a LOT of thoughts about them arguing about college. because like yeah 👍👍

all of cabin 10 & 4 <3 im obsessed with them actually!!!!!!!!!! my loves <3 especially drew and lacy and katie <3

THE VICTORS!!!! theyre so so <3 see they r in a trio with drew tanaka and they are a POWER TRIO

ok going into friendgroups now oops!! me when when the thoughts

drew katie bianca in this one au <3 see if bianca lived she would a yearish younger than drew and katie i think and this au deals with that and i made a really long timeline for this au so yall should totally ask me ab it 😋

stolls and leo and will also in an au lmao 💪

ok im tired of talking now ill add more later school is tiring 😋

[wondermentishere]

not posting this for an audience, but since this a public account… ***TW: EATING DISORDERS***

ive recently accepted that ive had an eating disorder all of my life… my earliest memories of getting ready for daycare wasnt healthy at all. the way i examined and processed my body… tweaked my clothing with the knowledge of how important being desirable was.. i remember learning what being skinny meant and looked like. at daycare, i mustve been like 6 years old. me with a group of girls a couple years older than me were evaluating how flat this one girl’s stomach was. from that moment on, i held my belly tight and flexed in public at all times, a mechanism i know ill carry for the rest of my life. i remember being in my room alone, up late watching cartoons on a weekend eating a big bag of hot cheetos. i stuffed myself so full, i vomited all over my little sister’s trundle trying to make it to the toilet in time. i remember being in the 3rd grade looking at my school pictures, loving how you could see my abs through my tight blue shirt. i remember in the 4th grade, my mom bought us subway and i finished my meal before anyone else even started on theirs. she looked at me puzzled, chuckled then called me a nerd. i cried… that was the beginning of her insulting me as a reflex. she felt bad and asked me if i wanted her to go back to the restaurant to get me more. i declined out of humiliation. back then it didnt matter to me how much i stuffed myself. i was such an active kid that even when i fell asleep with a swollen belly, i woke up so empty it hurt.

5th grade i started making close girl friends for the first time since preschool. they always straightened their hair and thought i should to. boys thought they were cute, but no one liked me in that way. i was the nerdy goofball that didnt know how to groom myself properly. white stuff around my overly poked out lips and boogers constantly in my nose. i made my own outfit for the toderick hall play i was starring as a munchkin in and remember looking down at my clothes and feeling ashamed at how much better the other kid’s costumes were. my mom noticed my demeanor change whenever we were walking up to the venue. she told me not to be self conscious. waiting in the dressing room with all the pretty white girls was the first time i noticed how uncomfortable i am looking at myself in the mirror with other people, specifically women are around me. im still like that to this day. sometimes i submit to exposure therapy and force myself to acknowledge my reflection while im washing my hands. i dont understand why it is so painful for me to do. i remember hugging this boy i had the biggest crush on goodbye the last day of school and he called me dirty and disgusting in front of other people, including my bestfriend, after i walked away. she proudly repeated it back to me later that day. i just felt numb. i didnt let it penetrate me emotionally but i did feel humiliated and annoyed.

i just felt ugly in the 6th grade. kids were mean about my natural hair, i didnt have boobs like the popular girls. i just wanted to fit in and started wearing bows (i never wore bows) and wearing 2 bras to give the illusion of a more developed chest. my deceptive behavior got noticed once in the locker room and my ex bestfriend laughed at recalling the exposure over a decade later (i admit it was pretty funny). whenever puberty started to hit in the 7th grade is when i really started obsessing over maintaining my thinness. i felt so lonely and finally could identify my emptiness watching interviews of sullen musicians i adored. i was looking through pictures from the year before with my mom and she made a comment how i “wasnt boney anymore” like i use to be. that bothered me. i wanted to be as skinny as michael jackson. i wanted a “dancer’s body”. i didnt want boobs. i wanted to wear deep v necks over the flattest chest. i wanted to be on stage.

7th grade i purposefully started skipping lunch. mainly cause for the first time, i finally had friends i could count on to eat with everyday. they rarely ate lunch. we didn’t even go to the lunchroom, we just chilled in the band room during that time. i never had money to eat at school anyway and the lunches my mom packed me were embarrassing to eat in front of everyone. she was kind of a health freak and smushed wheat pb&js in a brown plastic kroger bag always got turned up noses from my peers. ive been embarrassed to eat in front of other people since the subway incident in the 4th grade and the fact i never had anything “cool” to eat didnt help either. sometimes my mom would make me lunch and i would let it sit in my backpack for days. gross shit. my mom sold herbal life and sometimes watery shakes were the only “meal” i was interested in downing for the day. i got my first iphone and had a calorie tracker on it. i would workout hard after karate and step practice, making sure i was in a calorie deficit to set me up for success the next day. i use to love waking up and immediately going to the mirror to admire how skinny i was. i loved my abs.. but still i was never satisfied with my body. this behavior carried over until my 8th grade year.

i remember being weighed for the school’s “Pacer Test” and noting the defeat i felt going from 114 lbs as an 7th grader to 120 lbs. my curves were coming in, my boobs were developing. back in the 6th grade i would wear two bras cause i felt like an outcast, this year i purposely only wore sports bras that i had outgrown at an attempt to bind my chest. i remember taking a break in the bathroom with my friend at a football game we were cheering at. i thought she was paying attention to something else and stopped flexing my bloated stomach for just a moment. she noticed and call it out “oh you got a gut on you”. i immediately sucked it back in and didnt really acknowledge her comment out of embarrassment. sometimes when we would wear the same cheer shirt to school she would go around asking boys who wore it better. i really did not like that shit.

the cycle of binging and restricting was very prominent throughout all of highschool. i finally could scrap up enough money to get pizza and hot cheetos everyday. i didnt have friends to sit with though and felt humiliated sitting in the lunchroom alone or with other random outcasts i barely said a word to. i considered eating in the bathroom like the movies but determined it too gross. so i would scarf down my food and either sit in the library on twitter or search for queer books until lunchtime was over. sometimes i would hide out in the girl’s lockerroom. i was a student athlete and conditioned pretty hard everyday. i remember walking around in the gym after practice and my coach told me i “looked fit” haha. i went back home and told my mom and she agreed with a hint of resentment in her tone. i would body check my stomach routinely. i just didnt like how big my arms were. they were toned but not muscular. they looked fat to me. my armpits to this day dont have that sunken look ive always wanted. i kept my chest strapped down at all times, wearing the same sports bra over and over again.

in 11th grade, i changed highschools and went from the loner jock to the infamous theater kid. i started to care about social injustice alot and was becoming alot more informed. my mind was consistently on learning, making art, and being silly on the internet. alot of the kids were my peers in middle school and the popular girls wanted me in their circle. i felt insecure plus i didnt really like them. they were kinda mean and too self-absorbed & not very funny. i wanted them to like me though and texted them making fun of our classmates and teachers during class. we sat together at lunch… they didnt eat (they had eating disorders too) so i didnt either. they would hangout outside of school and drink together and would never invite me. that shit crushed me even though i didnt really want to drink or even be around them. i just always felt like no one would ever consider me a real friend. i kind of sabotaged our relationship by playing a mean prank on one of the girls who accidentally snapchatted me half nude pics of her meant for a boy she liked. i wasnt attracted to her, but screenshotted the pictures just to get a reaction out of her. i thought freaking her out would be funny since she begged me not to open the chat in the first place. i assured her and her bestfriend that i deleted the pics after and apologized profusely. idk what was wrong with me.

i was always the kid in hella extracurricular activities cause it 1. interested me 2. kept me out the house. i would go all day not having breakfast and maybe a bag of baked cheetos for lunch, rehearse for hours after school then walk miles back home to no dinner because my sisters werent ever considerate enough to leave some for me. my mom never made them either.

sza’s hair really inspired me in 2015. i experimented alot with crochet braids my junior year and took “sexy” pics for the first time on my cracked ipad sitting on my mom’s bathroom floor. i couldve sworn that was my cutest year but my yearbook picture came out so bad a boy who had a crush on me even said it was ugly. i forgot to retake it. embarrassing as fuck.

anyway, i just really detached from the world and my body end of senior through college. boobs strapped down, body checking, working out hard, binging on snacks. i remember looking at freshman pics of me sophomore year with my first girlfriend and she told me i looked like a fatass loser lol. yeah.. i “loved” someone who would talk to me that way. freshman 15 definitely hit hard and i went home winter break with a balloon face. did kickboxing with my mom, lost alot of weight, cut off my hair and went back to school in january with people telling i looked like “a model”. i was starting to get more comfortable with my queerness so was open to more masculine presentation especially since i was hundreds of miles away from my mom and my gf really liked studs. from then on ive been in a cycle of not caring, neglecting myself in the name of freedom, trying new looks and sometimes liking it, constantly cutting my hair due to anxiety and dysphoria, sometimes really caring and craving validation. being feminine just to fit in.

now im at a place where i just want to grow out my hair, work, and starve myself until im 30 pounds lighter tbh. i want to get lost in my head and latch onto my creativity. i want to abandon everyone i know. thats what i want to do and i will. maybe not the abandon part tho cause i actually love my friends. side note: im pretty sure my undiagnosed adhd is a big reason why i binge. cant wait to get treated for that cause trying to control the impulse without medication is torture. plus, i heard stimulants make you lose your appetite :P

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 7

a/n: im sorry but takeru could take my uwus like hes so adorable yall 🥺😭

anon:

-LETS BE HONESTTT WITH OURSELVES. oikawa bringing takeru to practice cuz he forgot he promised to watch him n so he asks you to watch him while he rushes off to change— and then takeru goes OFF after he hears that YOURE the person uncle tooru keeps talking about. he basically just exposes oikawa, gets on your good side w all the embarrassing blackmail material he can provide, and oikawa comes back to you grinning like a madwoman HAHAHAHAHA c,:

tumblr moot:

-‘ Omg Takeru spills to his mom and grandmother how Oikawa had a crush and how awkward he is around this girl. Which leads to them inviting her over without Oikawa knowing. He comes home one day, a lil upset because yn wasn't at practice only to hear her giggling with his mother and sister while having tea ‘

NOW THIS IS THE REAL TEAAA!!!!!!!

TAKERU IS SUCH A MOOD MY GOD IMAGINE HAVING A CRACKHEAD UNCLE LIKE OIKAWA!!!!😭😭😭😭

uwu yes i love this req so lets start

so basically

two words:

uncle oikawa

bahahaha no not really but yes really tho

anyways

this is going to basically be the scenario where takeru has accepted you as his auntie

so sit down my little grasshoppers because this is finna be a long one

it all started when oikawa forgot his promise

now,

oikawa prides himself in being a know-it-all and being ‘responsible’ or shit like that but hes,,,,, far from that

like how he was currently running towards the gym where takeru’s volleyball class was at because he forgot that his sister made him promise to pick his nephew up since she was working overtime today

oikawa tooru didnt care about his appearance and the way he huffed as he sonic nyoomed his way there since he was more scared of what his sister would do to him if she finds out he was late

the sight of the gym door has never felt so good

‘TAKERU!!’

he yelled and a head peaked out that belonged to the one and only boy

‘uncle, youre so loud’

he chided and tooru rolled his eyes before grabbing his hand

‘hey, go get your stuff. im late and y/n is going go kill me if im not there’

takeru rolled his own eyes and went at a snail’s pace as he packed up his knee pads and his water bottles

‘TAKERU HURRY UP WHAT-!’

‘hmm,, dont lie uncle. you just want to see the pretty goddess nee-chan’

OKAY TAKERU DANG

so basically,,

its been mentioned that you call the boys a lot or its them calling you and oikawa happens to be the one who calls you constantly

and takeru lives with them and he’s usually up quite late so he hears tooru downstairs while talking to you

like one time, he couldnt sleep and his mom told him to drink warm milk to help him so he was just going down the stairs when he heard tooru laugh

now, dont get him wrong

hes heard his uncle laugh before so hes seen how he laughs around girls and it was like nails on a chalkboard

but this time, it sounded very genuine and his chuckles were almost,,, shy

and he figured that tooru was talking to a girl since he kept saying a girl’s name

‘y/n-chan~ youre so cute~ dont make me come over there and kiss you~’

oikawa cooed and takeru cringed 

so he was talking to you

he was no stranger to your name as he once teased his uncle for being whipped and got an hour long rant about how beautiful you were and nice and angelic and how you were just an angel on earth

so yea he knew you

tooru’s voice became clearer as he stepped foot into the kitchen

even a child like him could tell his uncle was basically in love with you

and he doesnt even really know what love is!!

‘disgusting’

the child said and tooru, who believes in ghosts and is the biggest scaredy cat, shrieked at the sudden voice 

‘oikawa-san? what’s wrong?’

your voice could be heard through his phone but tooru quickly told you good night and ended the call before he got off the chair and crossed his arms to stand in front of takeru

‘what did you say?’

he asked and takeru looked up at him, mimicking his pose

‘i said, its disgusting, uncle’

oikawa looked offended

‘what?! how could you say that?!’

takeru shrugged then he walked over to the fridge

‘yozora-kun told me that girls have cooties and we would die if we get it’

god it was such a childish thing to say but to an actual child like takeru, it sounded perfectly valid

‘its gross and nasty and he said you get all sweaty and you get a fever and ew’

tooru shook his head in disbelief before going over to help the boy get a glass

‘its not nasty or gross or disgusting, takeru. its actually,,, really nice. you dont die from it and you get sweaty when you get nervous and you dont get a fever, you just get flustered, thats all’

takeru still didnt believe him

‘well, he also said girls become monsters and they would eat your face’

KFJDSLFJSLDKIM SCREAMING

oikawa chortled 

‘what?!’

‘you heard me. all girls are monsters and you should protect yourself, uncle’

but when he met you, my oh my, you were no monster

you were,,,,,, really really really pretty

poor takeru doesnt really know the real meaning of beautiful so he settled on you being really really really really pretty

like when oikawa dragged him in the gym, takeru stared at you 

his mind couldnt process on the fact that someone as pretty as you even existed 

but that doesnt really say much since hes only like 8

BUT STILL

oikawa was hurriedly shoving them both in the gym and he was annoyed that takeru was just standing there but he was really just watching you as you scurried around to give the team their towels

‘takeru! come on!’

tooru’s voice snapped him out of it so he finally walked forward

‘y/n-chan~!’

oikawa called out and iwaizumi was about to yell at him for being late but you already had your bad bitch face on and you were strutting over

‘oikawa tooru, do you know how late you are?!’

you scolded and pulled his ear down to your height

‘eeeehhhh~~??? y/n-chan dont be so rough! it hurts! dont hurt oikawa-san!’

he teased to ease your anger but you sucked in a sharp breath

‘ill make sure it hurts more’

oikawa turned pale and started pleading and stuttering

‘please pleaseplease y/n-chan, i had to pick up takeru and it was a total mess and-’

at the mention of takeru, you let go of him and you finally caught sight of the little boy

ohmygee he was so adorable and youre just a sucker for adorable kids so you kinda squatted to his height since the height difference wasnt that big

you gave him a big smile and waved a hand

‘hey, you must be takeru. im y/n’

the poor kid’s face turned red unknowingly and he stiffened before nodding aggressively

‘my name is oikawa takeru and i am 6 years old’

he hand out his hands to prove his age and you giggled before nodding

‘my name is l/n y/n and i am 16 years old’

you held out 10 fingers then switched to having 6 up like he did

‘waaaa youre,,,’

the boy paused to subtract with his fingers before looking up at you with wide eyes

‘youre 10 years older than me!’

you sweatdropped at the sudden thought of being old 

‘hmm i guess i am’

you tilted your head to the side and continued to talk to the boy, completely oblivious to the stares from the others

they all sported a bright red blush and red ears at the thought of you being so good with kids and what if it was their own?

kindaichi gasped and held his hands to his face to cover the burst of all shades of red that decorated his entire face

OHMYGOSH THEYRE SO WHIPPED WHAT

‘ne, nee-chan, i know you’

takeru spoke as you led him to sit down on the bleacher, away from the practicing team and from any rogue balls

‘oh? you do?’

‘eung! uncle talks about you all the time! and he calls you too! i live with him, see, and nana yells at him for being on his phone during dinner because hes talking to you’

takeru admitted and you turned red, suddenly flustered

‘he talks about me? what does he say about me, take-chan?’

the little boy paused, holding his chin to think, then he lit up

‘he calls you beautiful goddess y/n-chan!’

YALL TAKERU IS SO CUTE WHAT THE HECK

‘he does?’

you asked, wholeheartedly surprised

takeru violently nods his head

‘yes! uncle talks about you all the time! my friend yozora wants to meet you too!’

‘hah? who is that?’

takeru sheepishly scratches his cheek

‘yozora-kun told uncle that girls are gross but uncle got mad and told him you were different because you were pretty and nice and yozora wants to see if you really were’

you laughed at the childish claims of this yozora boy

‘well,,, take-chan, do you think im gross?’

you asked, making the boy flustered again

‘no,,,, nee-chan is really pretty’

he mumbled while twiddling his fingers and you squealed before hugging him

‘oh, take-chan! you should visit more often!’

takeru nodded, smiling at how warm you were

‘eung! i love nee-chan! see? i can say i love nee-chan because im not a coward like uncle!’

you pulled away just slightly with a raised eyebrow

‘what are you talking about, takeru?’

the child puffed out his chest and his lip took on a smug angle

‘uncle talks to the mirror every morning! he says hes practicing! he takes forever just saying he loves you in the mirror and he doesnt let me pee! but its okay! because uncle can keep being coward but i get the pretty nee-chan!’

a disbelieving smile settled itself on your face and you absentmindedly caressed his smaller hand

‘what else does uncle do, take-chan? you see, nee-chan wants to tease him!’

takeru paused then lit up

‘oh! before i was born, mama told me uncle ate flowers because he thought his fart would smell like roses!’

‘hah?!’

your cries of shock made the boy laugh and you joined in with him

‘also! iwa-nii made me a tree house, right?! and uncle wanted to go in but he was too big so he got stuck at the front door! iwa-nii had to take the front part out and used soap to get him out!’

your cackles attracted the now ready captain and oikawa had an uneasy look

that little brat mustve told you some embarrassing stories based on how you laughed

‘oi! takeru! you shut your mouth right now, young man!’

he shouted and quickly stomped over to you at the bleachers

but you held the boy close, protecting him from the angry brunette

‘no! you stay away, oikawa-san! nee-chan will protect you, take-chan!’

you proclaimed and takeru was more than happy to snuggle closer and stick his tongue out at his uncle

you had a similar mischevious look and a wide but scary grin on your face that spelled nothing but trouble

was he,,,, being blackmailed right now?

tooru was scandalised at the thought and the act causign him to lunge over to you, tickling your sides so you could loosen your grip on the child

but you held on, giggling loudly causing takeru to also laugh when tooru’s fingers would touch his side too

‘no! stop-! ack-! tooru!’

you shouted but tooru was able to find an opening to grab takeru by under his arms and you reached over to grab him back but he was already lifted high

‘now what did you tell her, you brat?’

‘nothing!’

takeru shrieked but tooru hummed, not quite believing him

‘i dont think so’

tooru sat down on the floor and placed takeru on his lap with his fingers quickly hitting his ticklish spots

‘NOOO!!!! UNCLE!!!!’

you giggled and joined over, completely forgetting where you were and what your responsibilities are

okay can we take a second on how cute this moment is?

like despite the team practically being in love with you, they couldnt help but think of how much you guys looked like a family

iwa herded everyone to stop staring and keep practicing bc he knew that this was the first time tooru has been truly happy in a very long time

by the end of practice, you and takeru were practically best friends already

you were very sad to have to let him go home but he promised to come back soon

tooru gave him over to iwa so he could talk to you while you were packing up

you were putting on your jacket when you felt him tap your shoulder

with a smile, you turned around and he mirrored your grin

well,,, it was more like a shy and bashful grin

from behind him, you could see takeru being lifted by mattsun and his laughter echoed in the wind

tooru noticed your gaze then chuckled softly

‘thank you for,,, yanno,, keeping him busy’

you waved your hands around with a laugh

‘nonono! its okay! really! hes so adorable that i look forward to seeing him again!’

he let out a relieved sigh then placed his hands in his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet

‘y/n,, youre really good with kids’

that comment made you flustered but you waved it off

‘nah, i just connect with them more. theyre so easily entertained and the innocence is nice’

‘well,, youll be a great mother in the future’

you chuckled then ruffled his soft hair

‘youll be a great father in the future then oikawa-san’

at first, he was just going to laugh it off but then the image of you playing with a child who possessed chocolate brown locks and beautiful e/c eyes appeared

he turned red and he fumbled for a response, completely speaking gibberish with no idea of what to even say

unfortunately for him, the team was not in a far distance and they could hear oikawa sputtering nonsense so to ‘help’ him, they started shouting for you guys to hurry up

‘come on! lets go, you guys! the bakery closes in a 10 minutes!’

makki yelled and you perked up and waved to signal you were going

‘come on, oikawa-san!’

you grabbed his hand and pulled him along

takeru noticed his uncle’s red face and a cute sly smile creeped up on his face

‘hmmm,,,,’

then he started a plan

and wow god must’ve wanted him to succeed because its like the fates and the stars and the universe just aligned

takeru was walking with his mom around a supermarket when he noticed your familiar h/c hair

‘y/n nee-chan!’

he shrieked before he could even stop himself and you were startled, wildly looking around for the person who said your name

‘nee-chan!’

takeru shouted again, running away from his mom towards you

‘takeru-!’

yall what is oikawa’s sister’s name? lets name her ‘tara’

tara shouted for her son and ofc ran after him when he didnt listen

‘takeru!’

you greeted back and winced a little when the force fo the little boy crashed into your legs

‘nee-chan! momma, look its nee-chan!’

takeru said when his mother caught up to him

‘oikawa takeru! you never run in the store like that again, you hear me?’

she scolded but then smiled up at you

‘oh hello darling, you must be y/n. im tara, tooru’s older sister and takeru’s mom’

she outstretched her hand for you to shake so you awkwardly shook it

‘uh-im l/n y/n’

‘momma! shes the pretty nee-chan i told you about! and shes the one uncle talks to every night!’

you cringed a little when takeru was excitedly talking as he was attracting other people with his loud voice

tara bless her heart noticed your discomfort and told you to go and follow her to the checkout if you were done

she ended up paying for your stuff despite your protests but she excused it as ‘consider this as payment for putting up that idiot brother of mine’

takeru wanted to show off so he held your bags but you still held on to their own to help tara out

‘ne, nee-chan! why are you not with uncle? its practice today, right?’

takeru asked as you three walked down the street

‘natsu’s sick so i was picking up some porridge for him to eat. i excused today because i wanted to take care of him’

takeru lit up

‘nee-chan! you should come over! nana wants to meet you too!’

tara rolled her eyes at her son with a smile

‘no, take-kun. nee-chan needs to go home to look after-’

‘ah, its okay, oikawa-san! natsu wont be awake for a while so i can spare an hour or two’

‘yey!’

tara made small talk with you while takeru hummed in front of you

‘thank you so much for putting up with my two boys, y/n. i heard from hajime that you kept takeru company while tooru practiced’

you nodded

‘it wasnt a big deal though. i love takeru, hes a sweetheart. and oikawa-san takes good care of him’

tara chuckled

‘as much as takeru loves to poke fun at tooru, he really does appreciate him you know? without a father, i worried on who would be his male figure. but tooru lived up to his title and takeru wants to do everything he does. like say, volleyball’

you followed along and you could see the little bits of tooru even by the way takeru walked

the little skip that his uncle had seemed to copy itself on to the nephew with even the happy humming

‘oikawa-san is,,, a really great person’

you off-handedly mentioned and tara looked at you from the corner of her eye 

warmth blossomed in her chest because although she knew how much of an insecure and rash person her brother was, he deserves someone who talks about him with such love in their voice

even the look in your eyes was enough to make her think,

yep, you are the one

omg nana oikawa is ltr head-over-heels for you already

the love for y/n is an oikawa thing

when takeru opened the door, nana oikawa rushed to greet her grandson when she saw another person

a girl

‘nana! nana! this is y/n nee-chan! uncle’s pretty goddess!’

uwu nana knows who exactly you are

lets just say shes exactly like takeru and has witnessed her son lovingly talk to some y/n girl at 3 in the morning

and her son has expressed his love and admiration towards you every chance he can

so yes lets just say she knows who you are

thats why nana brightly smiled and quickly ushered you into the house

‘oh come in! come in! takeru-kun, go lead y/n-chan to the couch and make her comfortable! ill get tea!’

takeru nodded and he grabbed your hand with his small one to go to the living room

you awkwardly sat stiffly, not exactly knowing what to do as this entire family seemed to know who you are

takeru settled himself beside you and was actively talking about what they did at volleyball practice today

you were enamored in his story that you didnt notice nana walk in with a try of tea with tara trailing behind her with cookies

you moved to help her but nana shook her head with a gentle smile before sitting down at the chair beside the couch

‘here you go, dear’

you bowed slightly and held the cup of green tea

everyone was now settled and you were nervously tapping your finger against the cup

you dont even know why youre nervous

its like youre suddenly meeting your boyfriend’s family without your boyfriend actually there

‘so,’

you jumped a little at the voice of nana and she smiled at you

‘oh dear dont be so nervous! we’re not that bad! we dont bite’

‘unless you want us to’

takeru whispered and you giggled, ruffling his hair with your free hand

‘so youre the famous y/n-chan then?’

you nodded again

‘takeru told us all about his adventures at seijoh the other day and, well,, he likes to tease his uncle but,, we believe him’

tara smiled, remembering her son’s words

‘nee-chan, i told them that uncle was very weird and shy and awkward and it was so weird’

he whispered, yet still able to be heard by everyone in the room

‘oh my, when we heard that we couldnt believe a person, much less a female, could even do that to him! i worried that my son would never develop interest in any girl but it seems i was worrying for nothing!’

nana giggled and you couldnt help but smile, realizing her laugh sounded exactly like tooru’s

‘you know, y/n, tooru’s never really had a crush before. and believe me, id know but even with his last girlfriend, which was also his first, he didnt seem interested at her in that way-well, maybe he was but he wasnt exactly enamored with her like he is with you’

you knew little about tooru’s first and last girlfriend

it was the butt of mattsuhana’s jokes all the time but you never partook bc you could see how,,, sad,,, tooru looks whenever its brought up

but you turned red,hand waving at her last comment

‘oh nonono, youre wrong. uhh, how do i say this,, oikawa-san,,, he just appreciates me bc,, i,,, reject his advances,, and,,, bring him milk bread,,, and banana milk,,,, and such,,,’

you trailed off and the two older women shared a look behind their cups

heh, it was refreshing to have tooru do the chasing this time

‘you must be wondering how, we, you know, know you, right?’

you nodded at nana’s question

she chuckled then placed her tea down

‘you see, we are aware of tooru’s,,,, expiditions. and by that, we mean the interest of others in him and his returned interest. but hes our family so we know that his interest is,, actually fake’

you looked down, knowing exactly what shes talking about

‘especially with girls, we see his annoyance, his ignorance, and we’re not proud of it. but with you, when he talks about you, its as if he was talking about the,,, the love of his life!’

you were startled, not sure if you should be proud of that or confused about that

‘mom! dont say that!’

tara nagged but nana shrugged her off

‘no, i want to express my gratitude for this girl. y/n, i want you to know now that,,, my son is damaged’

‘takeru cover your ears’

tara hurried and the boy shot his mother a confused look but still did it anyways

‘tooru,,, feels that he shouldnt burden us as he’s now the man of the house after his father and i’s separation. and,,, perhaps its the past of his father’s but,,, he doesnt let anyone in, except for us and hajime’

nana oikawa’s eyes held sadness

a raw emotion that shouldnt be shown to a stranger but by how much and how often tooru talks about you, she practically knew you already

‘and he refuses to do anything that isn’t necessary. he hates doing pointless things unless they will serve him purpose in the future thats why he focuses on that damn sport so much, even giving himself injuries! i worried and worried for him but then,, you came along. all the sudden, i see the life in his eyes that was wrongly taken from him, be replaced and its all because of a girl. ive never heard tooru talk about someone else other than his team or hajime so it was quite a surprise for us that he found someone who was, what he considers, worth his time. and the way,, the way he looks when he talks,,, y/n, i believe you are what he says, an angel’

a sudden wave of tears appeared as nana oikawa looked up to meet your eyes and you let out a stiff laugh but you tightened your grip on your cup

‘you are,,, my son’s angel’

DKFLJSKDFJDSLKFJSDLKFJD MY FEELS

the conversation was quickly shifted by tara as she could see the conflict in the way your eyebrows furrowed and the rapid movement of your pupils

she knew that you were probably still at a stage that you didnt realize your captain’s real and authentic feelings for you and she didnt want you to find out this way 

tara knows how emotional her mother can get regarding her son so she switched to another topic to not get too in deep with the whole situation

next thing you knew, you were giggling and laughing at nana oikawa’s merciless onslaught of her son’s childhood events

you attempted to hide your laugh by sipping your drink but it still came out wholeheartedly

‘yes! i wondered for a whole week as to why my roses were disappearing and i never would’ve thought id find my son eating them at 6 in the morning!’

nana cackled while takeru was so laugh-tired that he slumped over to your side, completely breathless

‘oh! dont forget the mickey mouse one! you see, y/n, we spent about a week at my aunts house and tooru saw a mouse! the poor child woke everyone up at midnight, screaming about a mouse sleeping next to him! and just to top it off, we visited disneyland and, whew, we just know now to avoid mickey mouse. to this day, that child is still traumatized by that cartoon’

meanwhile at seijoh,

oikawa was sneezing nonstop and iwaizumi has bonked him many many times now

‘OI! IF YOU GET SICK RIGHT NOW I WILL HIT YOU!’

‘OH GREAT! ILL BE SICK AND HAVE A CONCUSSION AT THE SAME TIME! THANKS IWA-CHAN!’

tooru irritably snapped and iwa was even surprised at how snippy he was

‘oi, what crawled up your ass and died today’

oikawa pouted then stomped his foot like a child

‘y/n isnt here today’

‘oikawa shes taking care of her cousin! she has a life outside of us you know?’

makki teased but flinched when tooru stomped his foot harder

‘but im her life! im all she needs!’

the entire team sweatdropped at the sight of makki and mattsun holding back their bara arms vice captain from beating up their captain 

‘ill be sure to give him mickey mouse stickers next time!’

you teased and they laughed

there was still remaining giggles left when the door handle twisted and the front door opened, revealing the man of the hour himself

takeru perked up and ran to the door to greet his uncle

‘uncle! uncle!’

he exclaimed and tooru sighed before grinning at him

his ears twitched at a familiar muffled giggle but he thought nothing of it by excusing it as him missing you so much that hes now hearing you

the thought of you dampened his mood again

‘uncle is too sad to play with you, takeru’

takeru’s head tilted to the side and one eyebrow was raised

‘heh? why? iwa-nii bonk you too hard?’

tooru shook his head solemnly

‘no. my darling wasnt there today and-’

‘oikawa-san, welcome home’

you emerged into the small hallway and tooru’s jaw dropped

then he snapped out of the surprise and ran straight towards you, picking you up and twirling you around

‘Y/N-CHAN~~~~~!!!!!’

he cheered and you giggled, trying to hold on to his shoulders to stabilize yourself

‘dont be so loud, oikawa-san’

you chided but with a smile

tooru calmed down however he still held you in his arms and was looking up at you with a grin, completely missing the fact that youre even at his house

‘its so nice to have y/n-chan greet me at the door. its like i have a wife! you wanna be my wife, y/n?’

you blushed a deep red and flicked his forehead

‘oikawa-san, your mother and sister is-’

you whispered harshly but a sudden shout made you both turn

‘NO! NEE-CHAN IS MY WIFE! NOT UNCLE’S! SHES TOO PRETTY FOR A COWARD LIKE UNCLE! I WILL FIGHT FOR NEE-CHAN! SURRENDER, UNCLE!’

you and oikawa looked at each other exasperatedly but with a fond look in your eyes

‘go’

you whispered

‘avenge me, oikawa-san’

that was enough for him to drop you gently and run to tackle takeru, who was giggling and kicking the air

you returned to your spot on the couch but shrunk back at the smirks the two oikawa women were directing to you

nana oikawa wanted you to have dinner with them so you stayed and oikawa held your hand under the table

even though they could obviously see it but yanno just stay quiet

‘y/n-chan, as much as i love you being here and meeting my family, how did you get here?’

takeru proudly raised his hand and swallowed his food

‘I BROUGHT NEE-CHAN HERE! I SAW HER AT THE MARKET!’

tooru nodded and reached over to ruffle his head

‘thank you, takeru! you turned uncle’s bad day to a good one!’

you turned to him with a worried look

‘huh? did something happen while i was away?’

tooru shook his head and pouted at you with his puppy eyes

‘y/n-chan wasnt there at practice today and oikawa-san missed her very much and-’

‘oikawa-san, please refrain from speaking in third person’

‘BUT Y/N-CHAN-!’

again, the two oikawa women shared a look

yep, you are the one

oikawa naturally took it upon himself to walk you home by saying ‘y/n-chan shouldnt walk home by herself!’

but in reality, he just wanted to spend more time with you because he didnt get to do that today

he just wanted his daily fill of you

O_O

aNYwAys

you both were walking down the street, hand-in-hand

KDSFJLSDKFJ FLASHBACKS FROM THE OIKS ROUTE

‘i love your family, oikawa-san’

you said and he giggled

‘well, just wait a few years and youll be a part of it too’

you blushed and smacked him on the chest making him wince and exagerrate an ‘ow!’

‘your mom,,, really loves you. and your sister, and takeru! theyre really nice and im happy your family loves you so much’

‘what about you? do you love me?’

you hummed

‘eung! i love oikawa-san! and the boys! i love all of you!’

DKFLJSDKFJSDLKFSJD NOOOOO FLASHBACKS AGAIN TO THE KUWS EPISODE OF THEM LEAVING AND OIKAWA TELLING HER HE LOVES HER ANDFJDKFJSDKFLDKJ ACK! FEELINGS!

oikawa had a sad smile on but he didnt push any further

‘well! you met my family already so now its my turn to meet yours!’

you turned to give him a deadpan expression

‘oikawa-san, my father chased you with a broom. i dont think its safe for you to even step foot at my front porch’

oikawa scoffed and puffed out his chest smugly

‘hah! your oikawa-san is a strong man! he doesnt get scared over some broom!’

‘oh! oikawa-san! i need to get your opinion on this! i want to give iwa-san this mickey poster but-’

noticing that oikawa was no longer walking beside you, you turned around to see him staring at the spot you were previously at 

‘oikawa-san?’

he didnt answer and you giggled

‘oh? is it mickey mouse? you scared?’

you neared the phone to his face and then his eyes settled on the terrifying face of the disney character

oikawa screamed

a/n: AAAAAAAAA WE FINALLY GETTING THROUGH REQS AND IM SO HAPPY THAT MY TEACHER IS SO NICE AND OMGOMGOMG MY FRIEND GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW A BIRD GOT INTO OUR CLASSROOM AND SDKFJDSLFKJSDLKFJSDLFKJNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, how yall been? i know ive been gone for a hot sec but uwu hey!!! 

[getbacktoworknovice]

💀Over the Edge

[A one shot about Edward wanting to cliff dive and coaxing you into joining him~ Reposting some of my older Ao3 stuff~]

Edward Kenway was a fascinating creature.

He could climb to the top of a mast, jump from building to rooftop, raid ships and dig up treasure chests all while wearing these incredibly uncomfortable (and heavy) looking robes. You honestly had no idea how he did it.

Or how he was able to keep as silent as he did, prowling through underbrush and treetops as if he were some animal stalking prey. It was impressive as it was terrifying. You had seen all this first hand when Edward had saved you from a sinking man o’ war the year before. You’d been on board as a navigator when the pirates had raided it and Edward had graciously given you a choice between staying on the sinking ship or taking up with him and his men.

Your choice had been obvious.

His crew wasnt too thrilled with the idea. After all, it was bad luck to have a woman aboard but Edward said that was all “superstitious nonsense”. Since you were a navigator he used you in that sense helping him get to certain places on maps he had in his quarters. He was a fine navigator himself but he said he wanted to “give you a purpose aside from being a distraction to his crew”.

You had gotten used to his cockiness and his relentless flirting as well. He was no “ladies man” by any means though he proclaimed to be one. He got himself slapped fairly often for someone so “smooth” but you didnt make it a point to learn much about that side of him.

He had saved your life and you owed him. You were returning the favor by helping him find all the treasure on the maps he had “found” and so far you had been doing a far better job than even you knew you were capable. It had been quite an experience and while the crew was a bit rowdy when drunk they were a good hearted group.

You grew very fond of them and they began to treat you as one of their own. Swapping stories over ale and singing shanties together off key and horrible to annoy the one sailor who took his shanties seriously. They respected you too, though you suspected part of that was because Edward threatened to de-man anyone who tried anything with you.

You’d heard them often call you Kenways property.

You werent sure how you felt about that…

“Oi, Y/N!” You heard Edward call and you snapped out of your daze. The two of you were on some unnamed and uninhabited island his newest map had led you to. It took a bit of hiking as the treasure was located pretty high up next to a cliff but you two had made it and Edward had began digging.

You occupied yourself with your journal, writing down coordinates and recording what treasure was found as well as what the flora and fauna was like. Sometimes it took hours for Edward to find anything other times he would find it pretty quick.

Looking up you could see his half naked form coming out of the hole he’d dug. It was particularly hot today and you couldn’t blame him for shedding the heavy looking robes he wore. He drug his arm across his face to wipe away the sweat on his brow and gave a grin.

“I found it!” He said, beckoning you over as he leaned down to haul it up. It was a pretty good sized chest, big enough to hold a person it seemed. It certainly was heavy enough as you had to help him yank it out of the hole he’d dug.

Cracking it open he gave an excited exclamation as it was full to the brim with gold and jewels. “Geez, whoever hid this mustve robbed a nobleman or something.” You said in amazement as Edward happily inspected the gold pieces to make sure all was legit.

“There’s an entire fortune in here, and I’m sure glad we found it before the miserable soul I got that map from did.” He grinned closing the lid and standing up there beside you. Reaching over he ruffled your hair with a broad smile. “Good with your directions as always, thanks for the assist Y/N.” He said putting his hands on his hips as he looked out to the open sea, towards the Jackdaw he could still make out over the cliff.

“Well, I know you and I wont be able to haul this all that distance.” He said, giving the side of the chest a kick as you went to retrieve your journal. You groaned inwardly. That meant the two of you had to make the long hike all the way back to the ship and then back AGAIN to retrieve the treasure and back AGAIN to get it back to the ship.

Seeing you pull that face Edward gave a smirk. “Whats the matter love?” he asked crossing his arms and giving you a playful look. “Dont you like all the bugs and roots and rocks?” He teased and you swatted his arm.

“Quiet you, I just dont like the idea of doing all that hiking in this heat.” You admitted, slinging your bag over your shoulder with a sigh. “It IS hot today isnt it…” Edward remarked rubbing his neck as he turned with you to start the trek back but stopped you by grabbing your arm.

“Hey now wait a minute.” He said as you turned to face him quizzically. “I know a way we can get back to the Jackdaw faster AND get cooled off.” He said and you gave him a doubtful look. “Your not as good with shortcuts as you think you are captain.” You started but he pulled you with him as he began walking back to where he’d dug up the box.

“I guarantee this one will work.” He said as he brought you over by the cliffs edge, pointing down to where you could just make out the Jackdaw around the bend. “See? She’s right there.” He said and you cocked your brow at him.

“And? What are you going to do fly over to it?” You teased unsure where he was going with this. Shaking his head he gave you a mischievous smile. “Nope, WE are going to swim to it.” He said, putting his hands on his hips as he peered over the edge.

You blinked.

“What?”

He looked over at you, he had that look in those piercing blue eyes of his. A look that said “lets do something crazy and pray to God it actually works or we are so done for ” and you took a step back. “Oh you are NOT serious.” You said and he nodded as he saw the reality of his idea sink in. “I am love, think your brave enough to try it?” He teased and you backed up even more.

“I am NOT jumping!”

“Its the only way down–”

“I’ll hike this island a THOUSAND times before I do ANYTHING close to what your suggesting!”

“Come on love, your SUPPOSED to be a pirate!” He teased going towards you as you backed away. You huffed and placed your hands on your hips defensively. “I’m a navigator FOR a pirate, I never claimed to be one!” you insisted and Edward only laughed.

“Your guilty by association I’m afraid,” he said tilting his head at you as he saw your face getting pale at the idea of jumping off a cliff. “Come now, I’ve done this thousands of times, I promise you’ll be all right.” He tried to reassure you gently.

Gentle wasnt a side you saw of his too often.

Taking a deep breath you shook your head again. “No way, something will go wrong and I’ll die.” You said and he gave one of those smiles of his that made you wonder how he really felt about you at times. “It cant go wrong if you do exactly what I do,” He said and offered his hand. “I’ll hold your hand if you want me to?” He said.

Normally you would slap it away and just stalk off. You couldnt do this, there was no way…but there was something…almost exciting about the idea. You’d seen him leap off of building before, landing in haystacks or piles of underbrush even into the ocean and always emerging unscathed.

You could trust him…couldnt you?

Hesitating at first you finally took his hand. “F-fine! But if I die, I’m going to KILL you.” You insisted and Edward laughed aloud. “Now love, dont be that way, I promise you we’ll be all right.” He assured you and moved his hands to the strap of your bag to pull it off of you. “Im sure you dont want your precious journals ruined though, might wanna leave those behind.”

Taking your bag over by where he’d discarded his robes he beckoned you once more towards the cliff. Which might as well have been the edge of the world for you. You peeked over the edge skittishly, your heart beating a thousand miles a minute in your chest.

Edward was looking over as well but he had a sile on his face and a challenged look to his features as if this were some kind of test he was determined to pass. Seeing your nervousness he reached out and grabbed your hand. “Ready?” He asked and you almost jerked your hand away.

“As I ever will be I think…” You said quietly and he gave your hand a squeeze. “The most important thing to remember,” He said as you looked up at him. “Is to not hesitate. Jump first, think later.” you snorted.

“Oh yes, wonderful advice.” “I give only the best.” he smiled and took a few steps back, getting some distance between the cliffs edge for a running start, still firmly holding your hand. You hadn’t realized you were squeezing his so hard your knuckles had turned white but he didnt seem to mind. Or notice even.

He had strong hands.

“We’ll go on three aye?”

You nodded.

“Three!” He yelled and took off with you having to keep up. If you lived through this you would call him out for being a cheat. You hadnt even realized your feet had left the ground until you were both air born. It was the most terrifying and exciting feeling in your life. You had your eyes closed the entire time, the world rushing around you making you sick to your already upset stomach.

Soon enough though you felt Edwards arms wrap around you and opened your eyes right as the two of you hit the water. It took you a moment to get oriented and at first you freaked out because you were heavier with your clothes and all but you felt Edwards arm around your waist as he hauled the two of you to the surface.

You broke through the water with a gasp Edward taking in breath beside you as he surfaced. He was laughing like an idiot, his fist in the air in victory as he floated there beside you. The first thing you did after catching your breath was punch him in the arm.

“You cheated!” You insisted and Edward feinted pain at your punch giving you a wink. “Ah cmon now love, it was all in the name of building your confidence!” He teased, raising his arms in defense as you started swatting at him with your hands.

“Your insane!” You said but you had a big smile on your face and you were laughing. That had been quite a rush admittedly and…you even felt you could do it again. He only grinned at you, grabbing at your hands to stop your onslaught.

“Yes I am, but that is one thing you love about me right?” He teased and you blushed yanking your hands away. “Seriously Captain, your a mess.” You said, turning away to begin the short swim to the Jackdaw.

You heard him behind you chuckling to himself.

“Say what you will but you followed me over the edge of a cliff.” He called out to you as you made it to the ship, grabbing onto the wooden slats that ran down its side. You scooted over to make room for him as he climbed up beside you, gently running his hand through your hair.

“Your something else yourself Y/N,” He said, looking at you with those blue eyes of his making your heart thump a bit. “Something I havent quite figured out…but I am going to.” He assured you before giving a wink and climbing up onto his ship.

Leaving you with your face pressed against the wet boards trying to hide the big smile and blush on your face.

[redrum-alice]

My old HC that I eventually wanna doodle without dialogue

Because honestly, I dont really know how to express myself through words. Im good at illustrating them though, so pls bare with me if some of these are bizarre and kind of not up in everyones alley

Everytime Ekko and the Firelights go out to get supplies, he sees the blue sky at Piltover from the Lanes and reminisces Powder's hair; how it immediately calms him down whenever he sees her running to him excited about gadgets and tinkering

Now that they're older and at the point where he doesn't see her that much, he wonders how she's doing these days. He constantly thinks about her hair and how it mustve been so unkempt, knowing how'd she be dealing with grief...

When he sees Pilties crossing on the border, all well dressed and have healthy complexion, he begins to ponder what Jinx would've looked like had she been nourished and took care of properly under the wing of someone who could protect and do that all for her..

But he knows that through out these years, she learned how to fend for herself under Silco's care, even if it was unconventional. Seeing her sickly pale skin and dark circles under her eyes wasnt uncommon among Zaunites, but she cranked it up to 11 (not that he was critical of it, but he has every right to worry y'know)

Her appearance keeps bugging him (in a good way) so much that he wants to change the environment of Zaun into a thriving place instead of leaving it inhabitable and barely surviving

He imagines what she would've looked liked if the undercity has more thriving conditions: would she have a healthier complexion? Rosy cheeks? Shinier hair? Maybe she'd be more happier seeing plants growing around her one day?

Its funny how he wants Zaun to be a better place than it is because of his unrequited love for an enemy, but that doesn't stop him from trying.. even if one day she can no longer appreciate the things around her

I guess thats why he kept himself busy cpntributing to his community rather than fulfilling childish fantasies...

YOU THERE!!!

Share your favorite fluffy/angsty timebomb hcs!!!

[strongsassysexysloane]

Ain’t Life A B*tch - Chap 2

Well for me... aint editing a bitch so I’m sorry if there are mistakes but I’m finding it hard to concentrate lately. 36th day in Quarantine!! 

Chapter 1 if you need a refresher or whatever :)

. . . . / 2 / . . .

The next week was spent sorting through forms and getting your new probie up to speed. She was a young buck, raised in New York, father was a cop and mum was a naval officer. So serve and protect was in her blood as she'd say. Alex Edison was her name but she preferred to go by Eddie, a nickname she hated in school but grew to love when she got older.

You managed to video call your other Agent who was flying in from Miami on the weekend. He had to sort a few more things before making the move permanently to DC. Agent Hunter, Ben Hunter, was how he introduced himself and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. You'd met him once when his case brought him to your ship a few years ago. You worked well and was happy when Vance mentioned his name as a candidate for your new team.  

"Ok, Alex. You got the form for HR?" You sighed, leaning back in your chair. You desk was perfectly positioned the next row over from Gibbs Team which meant you heard and saw almost everything that happened over there. They'd been chasing a murderer for over a week now. Everyone was running on fumes. Especially Gibbs and you couldn't help but cringe a few times when he yelled at his team.

Eddie was shocked the first time she heard him yell and you reassured her that it was ok. Her face clearly didn't believe you though.

"Just about." She answered tapping away at her computer, her desk was beside yours. So you could see her screen when you leaned back in your seat. She'd added a few picture frames around her desk, one of her dog, another of her and her mum and the third was an old grey and white photo of her grandparents.

You smiled as she hurried up. "All good, once you've finished that. Send it to HR and if you want we can grab a drink?" You suggest, it had been a paper heavy week and you needed to unwind away from a computer screen.

"Aww, I need a drink." A sad voice piped up from over the divider.

You twirled your chair around to see Ellie standing and looking over at you. You'd managed to chat to her a few times, mainly in the break room when she escaped to get a snack which was quite often. "You're more than welcome to join."

She smiled at your offer but her eyes darted down to where Gibbs mustve been sitting and you shrug. It was almost 1800 on Friday. They hadn't had a break in the case all day, you knew because you caught their huffs and complaints about it all day. "Gibbs?" Ellie said with so much hope, you could tell by the bags under her young eyes that they'd been working longer hours than usual.

"Yeah, there's nothing we can do tonight."

"You can join to if you want Gibbs." You shout and laugh at Ellie's and Eddie's reaction to his invitation. You knew all too well what his reply was going to be, what it always would be in the middle of a case with no leads.

Gibbs stood up, leaning over the divider and smiling down at you. As he said the words, you mimed his answer. "Bourbon, boat, basement." Everyone chuckled at your response. "Why'd you ask?" His eyes were curious. Clearly bemused by you miming and knowing his answer as he said it.

"I'm being polite and a nice colleague." You smile, seeing Eddie send off the form so you began to gather up your things.

"Hey Jack!" Ellie beamed, as the other blonde strode into the bullpen and you stilled for a second. Your back was now turned to Gibbs, you could feel his eyes burning into your back, he saw you freeze. You'd successfully avoided Jack all week. Only catching glimpses of her on the promenade and once when she came to help Gibbs team with profiles. Neither of you gave each other a second glance and as much as you were thankful for it, your gut was getting more and more twisted with every glimpse you saw her. Not to mention your subconscious derailing you every night by replaying the break up and the moment outside of MTAC when you came back.

"Ellie, you heading out?" She tried her best to sound up beat but you could hear the hostility in her voice.

You shucked on your coat, slipping on your gloves and packing up your desk. "You ready?" You look over at Alex who is shutting down her computer.

"Yep." She jumps up, stretching and grabbing her coat and bag.

"Hey y/n, can Jack join us for drinks?" The words you hoped you'd never hear but knew it was coming. You knew Jack was close with the other team and why wouldn't she be? She's a friendly, warm - shut up brain. Trying to gather as much composure as possible you turn with the best painted smile you could muster.

"Ellie I'm sure-" You were ready to make up any kind of excuse but as soon as your eyes locked with Jack's you couldn't finish.

Without a missing a beat Jack picked up your excuse. "I'm busy tonight. Just heading out now to go on a date actually." Her eyes look back to Ellie who is now too curious about Jack's date. You on the other hand are trying your best to ignore that stab to the heart that had nothing to do with Jack's words about a date. Or the way her eyes darted to Gibbs and he shared a look when she said date.

"I'm ready." Alex smiles, you can tell she's trying to distract you. Your composure mustn't be as good as you hoped.

You clap your glove covered hands. "Right.. Ellie, we'll meet you there?" You wait a tick to get Ellie's reply, not daring to look at Jack again. Ellie looks from you to Jack curiously. You were trying so hard not to let anyone notice anything between you and Jack, Gibbs didn't count, and it was starting to come through.

"Sure. Devil's?" You nod and follow Eddie to the elevator.

"See you there. First rounds on me!" You shout over your shoulder and hop into the elevator.

"I'm coming!" Nick shouts and you just hake your head with a smile.

The night wasn't as awkward as you thought it might be. No one brought up the moment in the squadroom even though you could see the question on Ellie's lips. You had a few drinks and got to know each other a lot more. Nick even got up and danced when one of his favourite songs came out of the speakers, he tried his best to drag Bishop up but she held on tightly to the post next to your table. It was nice, you felt like you were settling more and more into living and working in DC. Something you thought would take a while.

You and Eddie hung around a while after Nick and Ellie had to call it a night. They unfortunately still had to work in the morning both hoping they'd have a lead or this was going to be an awfully long weekend for them both.

"How are you liking DC?" Alex's eyes wondered to the tv screen above the bar, you could see she was trying to seem disinterested but you'd tried your best all night to avoid your personal life all night. Always flipping it back to the asker, it had worked, Nick always liked talking about himself.

You wanted to be open with Alex, to create a partnership with her more so than being like a boss. You wanted to create that boundary but this job was going to get serious really quickly and you wanted to create a bond that you could lean on each other as well. After all these people were going to be in your life for hopefully many years to come. Drawing in a deep breath you thought about your answer. It was a simple question but it could lead to harder ones.

"Colder than I like but I did always enjoy the snow." A bit vague but you wanted to see where Alex would take it. To see if she was willing to go straight to the question she really wanted to know. "What about you?"

Her eyes snapped back to the table, taking a sip of her drink. "I like the pace of DC. Managed to find a somewhat decent place to live."

"Yeah you mentioned that earlier. Seems like a score for me and being a short drive to work as well." She was really impressive for her age, stepping out and following her ambitions, you admired that.

"You don't have to answer but.." Her eyes shifted nervously, you knew what was coming. "You and Agent Sloane? Did something happen before I came along?" Her eyes flicked to yours, you weren't hiding your feelings on the subject. The alcohol may have had something to do that by now. You'd kept it steady all night and now it was finally taking it's toll.

"Something did.. a long time ago." You shrug as nonchalantly as possible, bringing your glass to your lips and taking a long swig.

"Must've been -"

"We were in a serious relationship and I-" You sigh, dropping you head back. You really didn't want to talk about it, alcohol or no alcohol. Bonding or no bonding, you weren't ready for this admission. Out loud anyway.

"So when does Ben arrive again?" Alex gave you a comforting smile and you relaxed at the subject change.

The night soon came to a close, you made sure Alex had a ride before making your way home. It was nice to have a night together outside of the office. To get to know each other more and with other friends as well. The crisp night air made you shiver and you hugged yourself closer to the wall of the bar while you waited for your Uber.

The weekend you managed to keep yourself busy by shopping and finding things to decorate your apartment with. You managed to find some cute things at the local markets on Saturday morning. Your apartment was slowly filling up with things you liked and you felt content with your efforts. Shopping was never an pleasure for you but you needed to make your apartment feel more like a home. After all you would be staying around for hopefully a long time. On Sunday you managed to find a small dining set that would fit perfectly in your small dining area and a cute, round, wide chair that you thought would be great curling up on after a long days work. Come Sunday afternoon you were all shopped out and curled up on said new purchase with a blanket and cup of hot chocolate, testing the new furniture out.

There was no case come Monday morning however Agent Ben Hunter had arrived and kept you busy catching up and filling out his paperwork for his transfer. "So I filled in the form for payroll and have the other documents are being sent through to HR."

"Excellent." You smiled over at Ben. He was very to the point and full steam ahead. You just hoped that was the same when it came to being in the field and on cases.

You got distracted by the team over the divider. They'd caught a cast late Sunday afternoon and apparently had been going since then. Nick was very loud about the lack of sleep he'd had and Ellie would bite back every so often saying they were all in the same boat.

"Alright team. I have profiles for you." You heard her voice, the pep and energy clearly evident compared to the rest of the team. "Come on. The quicker you look into these guys the quicker you could get some sleep. Or you know, Gibbs. Send them home. They need rest." She was all too blunt and head strong about it and you were waiting for Gibbs' snark remark about it's his team but it never came.

"'robably right Jack but we gotta get this guy. Grab a coffee and we'll follow up on the profiles." He grunted and you heard his chair squeak meaning he'd gotten up and you watched as he and Jack walked around and waited at the elevator.

You sunk further into your chair, hiding slightly more behind your desk as you watched Jack and Gibbs walk into the elevator turn around and Jack was laughing at something with a smiling Gibbs. Your gut twinged and you grunted at it to shut up. The elevators door shut and you went back to the emails you were following up on.

"Everything alright y/n?" Ben spoke up, clearly noticing your reaction to Jack's presence.

"Fine." You tried to smile but doubted it came across as convincing. You shot a look at Alex not to say anything, not that you thought she would. "Going to get a snack from the break room. Want anything?" You looked between your teammates.

"Good, thanks Boss." Alex smiled at you then returned to her computer.

"Can I have a kitkat? I'll pay ya back when I have cash." He dug into his top draw to find some money but only came up with a few coins.

"It's fine." You genuinely smile at his efforts. "Think I can handle it." You wink at him and he chuckles.

"Thanks Boss." You shake your head at the name. It was still very new to you. Being the leader and in charge but Boss did have a nice ring to it, even if you and Ben were around the same age. You walked around the bullpen, coming up to Tim's desk.

"Nutterbutter right?" The sound of his favourite snack snapped McGee's face from his computer screen.

"Right." He beamed and you just kept walking. Same old McGee.  

You're in the middle of bashing the vending machine after the nutterbutter gets stuck, Tony probably did something years ago to the machine to annoy McGee, when your phone rings. "Agent Y/n. Yes, ok, we'll be there." You give the vending machine one last bang and the nutterbutter falls free. You walk, pick up your coffee and snacks and exit the room.

Gibbs is back, you hear him before you turn the corner. The site of the older blonde almost has you miss a step but you don't. You've got a murder to solve. "Timmy!" You shout, drawing everyone's attention and McGee beams as you chuck him his treat in passing. "Good catch. Gibbs been giving you pointers?" You wink at him, trying your best to not seem effected by Jack's presence.

"Nah, having two kids, you learn quickly how to juggle." You both share a laugh and you continue onto your team. "Not to mention years of avoiding Tony's antics."

"We still need to have that dinner Tim. Maybe after our cases are solved." You say over your shoulder, doing your best to avoid eye contact with Jack. She's been looking back and forth between you and Tim the whole time. Mainly looking at Tim. At least that's what you could see without looking at her directly.  

"We got a case boss?" Alex pipes up as you walk around and grab your sig and badge out of your desk, slipping into your NCIS jacket. It fit like a glove, it was several years old but there was no way you were letting Vance give you a new one. This one had seen you through most of your Agent Afloat adventures.

"You betcha. Dead Petty Officer downtown. Grab ya gear." You straighten up and look over at Gibbs who is smirking, you ignore the blonde beside him and give him a wink. "Old habits. Let's go." You were probably too eager about getting a case, it was exciting, your first case with your own team plus you were itching to get out of the office with your beautiful ex standing right there.

Is that what she'd become an ex? Like obviously she was an ex but to be just another number in a very short list of relationships? You never wanted to add her to that list but she'd ended up on it all the same.

. . . . / 2 / . . . . 

[totheendofthelinepal]

MAN OF HONOR (PART TWO)

Summary: You were dreading a certain wedding you were involved in, desperate to find a suitable date that could pass as your fake boyfriend. Luckily, Bucky Barnes had nothing better to do.

Notes: NSFW (18+), Swearing

All of your friends back home knew one thing, you hated when you had to dance. It wasn’t that you disliked it, you were particularly fond of it - but ever since your ex threw you to the curb, it didnt bring you joy as it once did. In the time you dated him, Eric, He hated to take you dancing. But when he did, god was it a treat. Tonight was obviously not something you were looking forward to, your mother hadn’t taken any of this wedding business lightly. It was some kind of cocktail set up, with a small dance floor for the couples that consisted in your family. Taking a deep breath, you felt Bucky to the side of you. You were thankful he was here, even if the two of you didnt get along so well. He deterred most of your family from approaching you, and you wondered if part of that was because they might’ve been confused of him. It wasn’t exactly an odd feeling, but the presence of his hand hadn’t left the small of your back since you entered the little party. 

“Would you stop getting so worked up?” Bucky sighed to your ear, and you felt his hand move upwards, “I can practically feel your nervousness.”

“Do you blame me? these people are insane. You saw them at brunch.” You nearly huffed, wishing he would just keep quiet instead of grumbling every five seconds. 

“Bar?” Bucky coughed out, motioning you over to the set up of alcohol.

“God yes.” You swallowed, and your eyes had met something on the dance floor.

In that moment you felt your chest tighten, seeing Eric dancing intimately with his date across the dance floor. You wanted to cry in that moment, but you knew how pathetic and embarrassing that would be. You couldn’t do that in front of your family. In front of him. 

“What is it?”

You looked to Bucky finally, and you felt a strange sense of comfort. His eyes had a way of doing that. You had never seen eyes so blue.

“Its just-“ You sighed, “That-That’s him.”

You turned, only to nod in Eric’s direction. Your heart broke once again, seeing his hands touch her as if she was made of gold. 

“Really?” Bucky knitted his brow, “He looks like an asshole.”

“Bucky.” You turned to hit him, and you saw his lips turn in a grin.

“Oh come on, I was kidding.” He laughed lightly, “Kind of.”

“He never took me dancing. When he did he always complained.” You bit your lip, your eyes trailing back to the girl he had in his arms.

“Jesus, you’re like a broken record.” Bucky was clearly annoyed, placing his glass to the counter. 

“Wow, thanks for the support.” You rolled your eyes, and you mustve struck something in him - you watched Bucky walk away from you.

Feeling suddenly incomplete, you began to feel the jitters emerge once again. It would only be minutes before someone would approach you. Sure enough, you saw your Aunt Becky make her way to you. She was on the older side, shuffling her feet to you in a teasing grin.

“Now tell me, honey.” Her voice nearly shook over the music, “Where on earth did you find those fresh buns?”

Your eyes flew open, seeing her nod to the back of Bucky.

“Jesus, Aunt Becky.” You swallowed, hoping Bucky didnt hear her incredibly inappropriate comment.

“Oh, I’m old enough I can say it.” She waved her hand to you, “Fresh from the bakery those are.”

You couldn’t help but try and hide yourself, feeling like you needed to crawl in a hole somewhere. It couldn’t get much worse. You turned from her, giving her the signal you weren’t wanting to her more of her comments. Soon taking the hint, you watched her laugh as she shuffled away. You watched countless people now move across the dance floor again, feeling a now familiar hand to the small of your back. 

“Ready?” Bucky sighed out, his eyes nodding to the dance floor.

“Wait, you know this song don’t you?” You almost smiled, hearing the vintage notes echo across the dance floor.

You watch Bucky’s lips turn in an almost mischievous grin, “Well I’d hope so. Lost my virginity to this song.”

Your eyes shot open, and you nearly gasped.

"Gasp later, doll.” Bucky chuckled lowly, “Third Chorus, by the way.”

You looked I awe, his hands now pulling you playfully onto the dance floor. You noticed the song, it was one you had surprisingly heard before. It was well known as “Sing, Sing, Sing” and you felt your cheeks flush to the irony of what Bucky said just moments ago. Nervousness hitting you once again, you realized it had been a long time since you had danced. But clearly it was causing some positive attention, Eric’s eyes landing to the two of you in confusion. 

“You trust me enough?” Bucky looked to you, his blue eyes flickering across your body.

“Enough to dance?” You stammered, “I suppose so.”

“Good.” He grinned, and before you could say much else - his hands had already had you swinging.

You couldn’t help but laugh out, Bucky throwing you playfully across the dance floor. But it wasn’t in a way you thought, he knew exactly what he was doing. Between the movements, you now grinned to the sight of amused gazes to your direction. Eric looked in awe and almost jealousy, and you felt a strange sense of confidence wash over you. Bucky stopped only for a moment, and you realized now he had the back of your knee lifted just at his waist. Out of breath, the both of you had a look of laughter. You were suddenly overjoyed that all the other men you had asked were busy, Bucky had already made this trip much better than you hoped.

“You really know what you’re doing, don’t you?” You huffed out, your eyes searching across his features - had he always been this handsome?

“Quiet a moment.” Bucky smirked, his hands moving to the small of your back.

“And why is that?” You knitted your brow in mock confusion, feeling his hands ready to swing you once again.

“Third Chorus.” Bucky laughed out, and you noticed just how much you liked hearing his laugh.

“Third Chorus.” You repeated, nearly giggling to his early comment. 

He swung you some more, and your laughter nearly caused tears to your eyes - you hadn’t had this much fun in a long time, now it was bursting to your seams. Once the song had ended, Bucky’s hands had managed to give you once last dip - and it was only now you noticed the small applause across the party.

“You’re a miracle worker, Barnes.” You smiled softly, his hands bringing you upwards one last time. 

“I know my way around the dance floor, doll.” He winked, clearly amused with himself. 

“So you mustve been a real charmer back in the day, huh?” You smirked, already curious now about his past.

“Let’s just say the dance floor wasn’t the only place I knew my way around.” Bucky smiled softly, and you saw a small redness now to his cheeks.

“So what was her name?” You moved your hands from his shoulders, realizing the two of you were still pressed to each other. 

“Now, I’m not one to kiss and tell.” Bucky teased you, and you felt your curiosity overtake you. 

You heard the music now live, and the lyrics now snuck into your thoughts. You remembered earlier, the feeling of his lips to you - and you almost wanted another taste, but that was crazy.

“You weren’t like the other men back in those days were you?” You giggled out, “Im sure you were a real risk taker when it came to women.”

You watched a change in Bucky’s expression, and you swallowed to the feeling of his hand moving downwards once again.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He spoke quietly, his lips moving just slow enough to make you linger your look.

You had no words in that moment, and you could feel yourself now growing hot. You weren’t sure if it was just because you were away, and Bucky was the only person right now that you felt connected to - or if it was the way he looked at you. But you felt your skin growing flush, your palms beginning to sweat. All because of the expression he was wearing right now. The blue piercing eyes fell now to where you had been looking, your lips. You wondered if he was thinking the same thing. 

“He’s looking, you know.” Bucky nearly whispered, “He’s going to be so sorry he ever lost you.”

You swallowed at his words, hearing the encouragement nearly made you melt.

Bucky now moved to your ear, and you felt the skin beginning to prick at the feeling of his warm breath at the touch.

“I want you to relax” Bucky’s lips moved to your ear, and you couldn’t believe the feeling - it was as if you felt yourself slowly melting with every word, “Forget about him for just a moment.”

“Okay.” You choked out, moving your hands up his arms.

“You’re too beautiful for him.” He whispered to your ear again, “He doesn’t deserve, this touch.”

Bucky’s lips ghosted at your skin, and you couldn’t believe that he was doing this - but you certainly weren’t stopping him. 

“He doesn’t deserve, these eyes.” You realized that they were closed, and you swallowed harshly to the feeling of Bucky’s lips pressing just below them, “Or this.”

You felt your body growing weak, and nearly gave out. You wanted to fight it, but what he was doing - god it was working. His hands traced your back, all the way up to your neck - just a finger moving to your ear.

“Forget about him, Doll.” Bucky’s lips now moved just in front of yours, and with everything in you - you actually wanted to kiss him. You could almost taste it, the feeling of his soft lips to you. You were ready, your body now spoke your thoughts - but your heart tightened to the feeling of a pair of hands stopping you. You opened your eyes in complete confusion, seeing Bucky unaffected of what had just happened.

“What the hell was that?” You choked out, stumbling forward.

“Got your mind off him, didnt it?” Bucky sighed, putting the distance between the two of you now.

“You’re an ass. You knew exactly-“

“Oh I get it, curiosity got the best of you.” Bucky chuckled, “I was only trying to get your mind off him. Did you think I was going to kiss you? Better yet, did you want me to?” 

Anger struck you in that moment, and you couldn’t help yourself any longer. Using your foot, you jolted it downwards directly to his. Bucky grunted lowly, leaning forward from your violent action. Your feet took you as far as they could, and you could hear him calling out to you behind your back - but you didnt care.

Your heels clicked along the hallway, and you were thankful of this damn big house. You were pissed, no beyond pissed that he thought he could just do something like that to you. You didnt ask for it, but he did it anyway - thinking he could play this little game with you. You felt your blood practically boil, grunting out audibly that you were now nearly sexually frustrated. It was ridiculous. You never wanted Bucky like that before, but it got to you - the feeling of his warm breath to you, his hands moving across your back. It made you want more, and you hated him for it. You picked up speed, hearing his voice now echo behind you more. 

“Would you slow down?” Bucky called out, and you could hear that he almost sounded concerned. 

“No. Asshole.” You called behind you, rolling your eyes, “Go back to the damn party, find another girl to-“

“Get all hot and bothered?” You could almost hear the smug grin, causing you to turn - sure enough there it was.

“Who said I was hot and bothered? You seem awfully cocksure about yourself.” You stepped now to him, unafraid that he could take you down.

“Well aren’t you?” Bucky grinned, his eyes traveling your dress.

“Who the hell do you think you are Bucky Barnes? You think you can walk around all grumpy, woe is me, and then switch to this goddamn…charmer from the forties?” You took a breath, “Newsflash buddy, you had no effect on me. I just got tired of you putting that bullshit charm on me. Oh and for the record, strutting around stark naked makes no difference to me.”

“Why feel the need to mention it then?” Bucky looked to you, now he was getting annoyed.

“Because- you dont just drop your pants in front a girl you hardly know-“ You choked out, feeling your throat growing dry.

“I didnt.” Bucky sighed, “I dropped my in front of a woman.”

“Oh for Christ’ sake.” You huffed out, turning to walk from him again - now mocking his voice, “In front of a woman.”

“You know what, sweetheart? I could’ve said no to this whole damn thing.” Bucky’s voice now raised, “You dragged me here, and you’re right they are insane.”

“You could’ve said no, Bucky.” You rolled your eyes, hearing him lay the guilt on you.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Bucky’s hand now gripped to your elbow, turning you to see his features, “Looking at me with those big damn eyes like that? You really expect me to say no?”

You blinked, wondering why he would say something like that.

“You came to me, and I couldn’t say no to that.” Bucky took a breath, “Not to those eyes.”

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol, or if it was the heat of the moment - but you didnt wait any longer. Practically throwing yourself, your lips hit his. It was unplanned, almost awkward at first. But once you tasted it, tasted him. You couldn’t help how hungrily you moved. You heard a low groan finally vibrate at your lips, and you knew he was thinking the same exact things you were. You felt the large hands now move to your hair, gripping lightly into the kiss. Only for a moment, you pulled to catch your breath - and you felt his frame lead you to the nearest wall. He groaned out again, and you wished you had captured it - without thinking much, due to the alcohol, you pulled already to the jacket of his suit. His hands fumbled their way to your dress, pulling and gripping it upwards just to get a touch of your skin. His lips had found their way to your jaw, and you felt the lightheadedness from your actions of kissing each other to the point of loss breathing. You fluttered your eyes shut, feeling Bucky’s hips hit you uncontrollably - you wondered just how long it had been for him, and feeling something now rub against you - it had told you it’d been awhile. 

“Shit.” You slightly moaned out, feeling him move his hips in a slow repeated motion. 

Bucky retaliated, the soft sound he was making just at your ear now. You couldn’t wait any longer, your fingers fumbling with the buttons of his white shirt - he looked good tonight, but he would look better if he was as naked as he was earlier. You chuckled into his lips now, feeling him press a kiss playfully at yours. You felt him fumble out of his shoes, and your hands had found their way to his belt. It was all so quick, but you didnt care - you wanted him. You weren’t sure how all of this came to light, But Bucky had clearly thought about it. 

“Honey, we’re looking for the wine your father had-“

You yelped out, pulling quickly from Bucky’s touch to see your Mother just to the side of the both of you. You hadn’t noticed that Bucky had taken your panties half way down your thigh, and you were thankful the flowing dress covered you just enough. You pushed away the wild strands of hair, watching Bucky hold his pants to his waist tightly.

“M-mom. I was-“ You choked out, unable to gain composure.

“We were just looking for the wine.” Bucky breathed out, now using his other hand to pick up his shoes. 

Your Mother raised her brow to the both of you, “Right. Well, bring it when you-…have finished, looking.”

You closed your eyes in embarrassment, suddenly wishing you had found a damn bedroom to do this. You watched her walk away, and you saw the slightest smirk as she turned to give the both of you one last look.

You heard Bucky take another deep breath, buttoning his pants once again. You looked down, biting back your laughter to see that he had clearly been enjoying what the two of you were doing.

“You should, Uhm, wait a moment-“ You contained your laughter, feeling your cheeks grow hot.

Bucky looked down, now he swallowed out, “Right. I’ll just- wait here. Meet you in there, in a few minutes.”

“Right.” You bit your lip, “Probably shouldn’t, go in there. Like that.” 

“Well we wouldn’t have this problem, you had controlled yourself.” Bucky laughed again, and at his words you felt a slight confusion and a twinge of anger.

“Whoa, if I had controlled myself?” You blinked, wondering if he was serious.

“You kissed me.” Bucky breathed, and you could see he was getting to that point again.

“Well you were having-…word sex with me back there.” You defended quickly, ready to get back into it.

“Again, you kissed me.” Bucky knitted his brow now, placing his jacket to his shoulders.

“Yeah well you-“ You choked out, “Couldn’t control that.”

You pointed suddenly below his waist, and Bucky mocked in laughter.

“You were getting just as excited as I was sweetheart. Don’t think I didnt notice that little wetness you got going on down there.” He grinned teasingly, now pointing below your waist.

“Bullshit Barnes.” You nearly hissed, your heels clicking once again to the hallway.

“What a lovely nickname, doll. Tell me what should yours be?” Bucky called out, and you couldn’t help but put a middle finger to the air. 

“Eat me, Barnes.” You called back to him, rolling your eyes.

“I have a feeling you’d enjoy it too much.” Bucky’s voice now followed you, and you heard the smug tone again.

“Whatever.” You huffed, making your way back to the party, “Asshole.”

Once you saw the nearing of people, you sighed in relief - you now had a much bigger problem than just your family.

You were now attracted to Bucky, and you knew you were gonna have to fight like hell to keep yourself from jumping him.

[peaches-of-1]

(BTS) Golden Lover: Chapter 3

Namjoon x Black!Reader

High Fantasy, Magic, spells, gods and goddesses

Mstrlst in bio!

“Darling daughter?” Mother called.

“Yes?” You replied.

She nodded towards your plate, “Are you not hungry?”

You shook your head and set your utensils down, “Please excuse me. It seems that my sickness lingers. I’ll be turning in early.”

“I’ll walk you to your room, Princess.” Jimin stood from his seat.

“I can--” You began, but Father cut you off. “She’d quite enjoy that. Thank you, Jimin.”

You wanted a shower. You wanted to be alone with your thoughts and smelling salts and a few cats, but no. Jimin chattered excitedly about how beautiful your Egypt was. How warm and humid but irreplaceable it’s beauty was.

“Um, Princess? I couldn’t help but notice how you were during dinner tonight. You didn’t get some bad news, did you?” His voice softened.

The worst, “Of course not. I just...I haven’t had much time to myself today. I’ve been quite busy entertaining the guests, getting to know you all.”

“I wouldn’t lie to your future husband, Princess (Y/N).” He laughed.

You swallowed hard and his smile fell.

He looked down, “I didn’t mean offense, Princess.”

“I don’t wanna marry you. I decided that from the moment I met you.”

“I see.”

You looked at him, “Please don’t be upset.  I just...my father is making me choose a husband within the next two days, before the end of the festival.”

He looked at you, “We leave in three days.”

“Of course.” You sighed. “I just. I don’t wanna lose the throne due to my being stubborn. I want a good king to rule by my side, but I want to love him as well.”

“Marrying for love? You are a special one, princess.”

You scoffed and laughed, “Whatever do you mean?”

“As a royal, I would think that you would have given up marrying for true affections by the time of puberty. Often thinking instead who can help their country or prestige the most. However, you still hold onto the hope.” He looked up at the sky.

“Should I give up hope, though?”

Jimin shook his head, “Never. I believe love is powerful and one of the purest things on Earth. If you were to give up on it, then what would you have left?”

A small smile played no your lips, “You speak our language well.”

“Thank you, Princess. May I ask you a strange question? It’s something both Hobi and I were wondering.”

“You may if you tell me who Hobi is.” You replied with your arms behind you.

He didn’t know you were taking the long way to your room in order to speak to him more, but he spoke curiously. Kind but honest, and you could feel the amount of love he had in his heart. How he gave it to everyone and everything.

“Hobi is our nickname for Prince Hoseok.” Jimin smiled, “Would you like to prepare a dance with us? For the festival send off that is. We’re both proficient in dance, and your father was singing your praises at dinner. It’s ok if you don’t. Even if we cannot work as marriage partners, then I’d at least want to work as friends. Performers.”

“You’d want to dance with me?”

He nodded in ernest. It was true that you were often seen dancing in the square with your body covered in jingling gold. Oftentimes in the middle, you’d stop a robbery or something, but a princess had to know her people to serve them. That was your philosophy at least.

Back to the matter at hand. This Jimin was interesting, very interesting.

You nodded, “So, whose style would we do. Yours or mine?”

“I was thinking a fusion of our styles. Don’t you think that would be the most fitting?”

You smiled for the first time in hours, “I’d enjoy that very much. I know just where we can practice and teach each other the basics.”

This time, the prince smiled so big that his eyes disappeared, “Yes! Thank you, dear princess! Guide me, and then we can meet after dinner.”

Right, you were supposed to be unwell. You led him to the dancing spot in the garden where a stage would most likely be set up. The grass there was just growing back from last time you turned down a marriage. Then you both went to the door in front of your bedroom. As he returned to the eating hall, you snuck away for a quick swim.

A small meow was heard from the sideline, Qasab Alsukar. You told him to stay where he was and not to jump in. He walked to your pile of clothing and laid down in them. It was a stunning starry night. All your worries drifted away as you floated on your back, your twisted hair fanning out around your face.

You thought about the princes and were glad that you had been honest with them. Even if you wouldn’t be getting married to them, you could still be close to them. Having dueled with Jungkook, showed some artistic landscapes to Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok had become your dance partners, and Yoongi was your fellow animal lover.

He had even asked you if he could take one of the cubs home, and you said yes once they were a bit older. Then there was Namjoon.

Why did your heart do that everytime you thought of him? It pounded in your ears, and you closed your eyes to shut out the sound. It didn’t work. He was gorgeous. His smile made you want to smile. The way he treated a pet that was not his. Qasab Alsukar could’ve been a street cat, but he still showed the kitten the same care as a house cat. Kim Namjoon. (Y/N) Kim. That’d be your name if you were to marry him...or his brother. The way Yoongi talked about his friend, it seemed as though he gave that kindness to everyone.

Mayhaps he’d be a good husband...maybe you did lo--

The splash of a rock to your left startled you, and you turned to see who it was. Your relaxed demeanor turning stern.

“What is the meaning of this?” You ordered before you recognized the person standing there was the man you had just been thinking of.

Kim Namjoon bowed low, “Pardon the intrusion, Princess (Y/N). There was a snake approaching you, and it did not seem you noticed. I threw the rock to hit it or at least scare it off.”

Looking around, you saw a serpent unmoving in the waters nearby. It most certainly would’ve killed you if it had gotten any closer.

You turned to him once more, “Thank...you...”

But he was gone.

Ah! Dinner must’ve been over. You put on your clothing after drying off quickly and then began walking towards the meeting place for you, Hoseok, and Jimin to begin practicing. As you got close to the archway, you realized. Kim Namjoon had seen you naked. Your breasts had been above water. How long had he been standing there silent? You made a note to speak to him the next time you saw him as your cheeks began blazing.

Alsukar mewed at your heels, and you picked him up, “Mayhaps I should get guard dogs since you did nothing to warn me, you little rascal.”

He licked your nose and meowed. Too cute. As you went into the dance room, the three of you and a drummer practiced until morning. None of you wanting to take too long of a break. Wanting to do your best to show unity and friendship and just in awe of how well you worked together and not wanting to break the flow of good energy.

You were woken up by a beautiful serving girl. Bahr. She called your name and said that she was relieved to see you. Groggy, you blinked and wondered what she was talking about. The kingdom had been worried about you and the princes since no one knew where you had gone and they had found a dead poisonous snake in the pool where you were known to sneak off to.

“We were just practicing for the festival. Where’s Iset?” You dismissed her worry with a smile.

“Her room.” Bahr replied.

“I apologize for the worry. Please inform everyone that we are fine. I’m sure father will be happy to hear me interacting with the princes.”

She nodded, “Does that mean you’ll be performing at the festival with them?”

You looked at her, “It does. I’ll be dancing with Princes Jimin and Hoseok. A fusion dance for the occasion.”

She couldn’t help but smile, “Does that mean you’ll be finding a husband this time around?”

“Maybe. I think I’ll have to if I want to be next in line.” You looked down.

Bahr had been here for many years but spoke formally, “Forgive me if I am speaking out of turn, but...I want to see you married. If you do not love your husband, then you can learn how to. Then you and your kingdom will be happy.”

She kissed your forehead and left. Breakfast had been left on a platter by your bedside. You must’ve missed it in order to sleep after dancing for so long. Iset showed up while you were eating and scolded you for disappearing. She called you a cat what with the way you went where you want when you wanted to. She went on and on with her heart on her sleeves and then asked you where you had been after all.

“With the princes…” You said. “We’re planning something for the festival and were practicing all night.”

Iset raised a brow, “For the festival or just for you? Which princes? What?”

You explained yourself and promised it was for the festival, “I’d never fool around like that...at least with nobles.” A small grin crossed your face from memories.

She sighed, “Well, I’m glad you’re opening your heart. Do you have a favorite? One you could at least learn to love once you get wed?”

Namjoon’s stern and focused face appeared in your mind once more. Ugh why him? You shook your head, ans Iset gasped.

“Who?”

“It’s nobody!” You bit into a slice of bread.

She huffed and crossed her arms.

“Fine, Namjoon! I...he’s kind and he’s the one I’m most interested to learn about. I’m lured to him. When I think about him, my heart races and I think about him when he’s not around. I don’t understand. I’m not interested in anyone but him.” The honest words tumbled out faster than you could hold them back. Your began hitting your head. “What’s wrong with me? Why does he plague my thoughts so?”

Iset couldn’t help but giggle as she held your hands, “My dear, you’re in love with him.”

“I...I could never!”

She grinned, “Whatever you say, (Y/N), but I felt this way when I saw my husband for the first time and for days after. Love at first sight is a rare thing, do not throw it away for your stubborn pride.”

“Anyways, are you doing anything during the festival? You’ll be leaving soon afterwards as well, won’t you?”

Your fellow princess and best friend gave a nod, “I am. We’re planning on having our first child and being more serious about ruling our people as a couple and securing the throne. All that joy.”

You looked out and saw Prince Namjoon and Yoongi on their way to the river behind the rest of the boys just talking. Taehyung had a large smile as he walked backwards with a towel in his clutches.

He noticed you and waved, catching the eyes of the others who turned around and did the same until Namjoon bowed. Then they all followed him by bowing as well. You rolled your eyes trying to ignore the glimpse of Namjoon’s smile and the skipped heartbeat it caused. Iset stood next to you as soon as you turned away. She waved as you missed Namjoon’s smile falling once he could no longer see you.

_____

“Namjoon-hyung.” Taehyung called. “Do you have feelings for the princess?”

“No!” Namjoon blushed as Yoongi replied, “Yep. He sure does.”

Jimin piped up, “ I think she might have feelings for you too.”

The prince’s ears perked up, “What? How?”

He disclosed how while he danced with you and Hoseok last night that you asked about him, what kind of prince he was. You had said that you wanted to spend more time with Namjoon but were nervous to approach him.

Hoseok added, “She wanted to know what plant you were talking about when you first met? Apparently you met her before dinner.”

“Ah, yes. In the market. Her father was quite strict and she was walking around without protection. Her cat followed me and...it’s the catnip.” Namjoon cut himself off when he was met with blank stares. “I brought some because I heard there would be a lot of felines here.”

A black cat with a golden ankh necklace rubbed at Yoongi’s ankles, and he picked her up, “At least you were right. I’m glad, too.”

“I’d be a good husband for her. At least, I’d like to think I would be.” Namjoon continued. “She’s cute and I enjoy her personality. I er...saw her in the pool last night...nude.”

The men all stopped and started to ask overlapping questions.

“I’m not telling you anything! I just noticed someone in the water, looked to see if they were ok. It was the princess, and there was a snake coming towards her, so I stoned it before it reached her.”

Jin replied, “Oh, Namjoon-ah! So heroic!” He laughed.

Jungkook smiled along. The boys all talked about how in love Namjoon was with the princess, and he was shy and blushed all through it. The black cat was nearby the whole time. She bathed in the sun and ate a fish Namjoon caught for her.

As a direct son of the King, Namjoon had a lot of land.  A lot of resources but he was not in line for his own throne. That was Seokjin, but the younger royal was in charge of training warriors. Jin was in charge of money. Taehyung was in charge of agriculture. All of them seemed like they were good friends. Marrying just one of them could ensure so much for your people.

All of them knew this, but only one of them could marry you. It was obvious to them who they wanted it to be. Fishermen were nearby, shirtless and wet with strong arms from constantly casting nets and lifting heavy loads of sea creatures for a living. Prince Jimin watched the tallest of them intently, head in his hand.

“I have an idea!” Said Jungkook when everything was quiet, startling the cat and Jimin.

Yoongi smiled at their reactions, “It’s ok, kitten. You should go home now. I’m sure (Y/N) misses you very much.” His eyes gave a silver glow.

The cat meowed, surprised he knew the truth. Namjoon offered to walk her back to the princess, so he dusted off his shorts, threw on his robe, and held the beautiful cat in his arms.

“What’s your idea, Kookie?” the quiet man asked.

“Well, we all know we’re not getting with her,”

“YA!” Exclaimed Jin. “We haven’t even spent much time together. How do you know--”

Jungkook spoke up, “Why do you think that is?”

The oldest stayed silent at that and pouted. So the youngest explained a plan on how to get the two royals together. It would happen the day of the festival. It sounded like a good plan to the other princes. Jin was a bit downtrodden that the princess hadn’t gotten any one on one time with him, but he hadn’t really gotten the chance. He’d try to know her true feelings and from there decide if he’d be a part of Jungkook’s plan.

As Namjoon got closer to the palace, the black cat stayed close to his chest. She was adorable and the Prince thought about asking to keep her as Yoongi had done with the lion cub. Then the cat looked around and began to freak out as RapMon (affectionately called Mon-ie) ran up to his owner. The cat jumped out of his arms and ran as Monie barked and chased her into the Princess’s room!

“Mon-ie, NO!”

A strange flash of light came from the room, and Mon-ie ran out of the room and into his owner’s arms with his tail between his legs. Namjoon then worried for (Y/N) and ran into her room.

“Princess!” He called as he entered.

She looked at him. Princess Iset was there as well. The prince bowed, “Sorry for the intrusion, princesses. I just thought I saw...um. Did a cat come in here? I was trying to return her. Yoongi said she belonged to you, so I came from the beach, I mean river, to--”

“Yes, she ran out the window.” Iset replied, “She’s quite an outdoor cat. Can’t stay in one place for too long.”

She took a slight glance at you, and you blinked and looked around as if you had just returned to your own body, “Namjoon?”

“Yes, princess?”

“Please prepare something for tomorrow’s festival. I want you to show off your talents yourself instead of hearing about them from your friends.”

He blushed, “W-What would you like me to prepare?”

You looked at him, “Do whatever you think will win me over, Princey.”

The man bowed, “Yes, Princess. I do hope you feel better.” He then moved to leave, stopping mid turn. “Oh, right. Catnip.”

“What is it?”

The prince motioned to the plant in the windowsill that had cats swarming around it and soon lying down here and there.

“Cats really like it. The plant that I brought for you.”

“Oh…” You said, looking at the plant then back at him. “Thank you.”

He gave a flash of his dimples as he smiled, “You’re welcome, Princess.”

“I seem to be thanking you a lot.”

“Your presence is all the thanks I need.”

With that, the Korean prince left and closed the door behind him. Namjoon was worried. What could he do to impress the Princess in just over 24 hours? He went to the room that was prepared for his stay. Several cats had fallen asleep on his now relaxed white dog. At least they seemed to have figured each other out.

The prince stood on his balcony and looked out upon the scene before him. Sandy browns and tans that matched his golden skin helped to contrast the green of trees and blue of the ocean. Darker browns of people dressed in whites and gold popped out here and there. Namjoon wanted to write. He grabbed a notebook from his luggage and began writing, his hand struggling to keep up with his mind.

He wrote about Princess (Y/N). Her black twists like snakes around his heart. Snakes he loved, the tail of a cat. The ears as well, perking up to every creature. No. No. It was so messy. So unclear. It matched his mind. He was never good at showing his feelings towards those he was attracted to. Then again, it was a rare occasion. The last time he fell in love with Princess Wheein, and she was married off and sent away without him knowing.

They spoke through letters until she had her first child. That was years ago, but it still stung from time to time. Her sister was currently pursuing Taehyung, but everything had been put on hold for this trip, this chance to marry a foreign Princess. More beautiful than any of the words people had used to describe her.

Namjoon took a deep breath and remembered her in the market. That tattoo on her list. Remembered her at dinner that same night. He wasn’t sure why his heart hurt when he saw her conversing with his friends. Like when she and Taehyung were leaving to go on what he later found out what was a boat ride on the nearby river. It was for his little brother’s artistic inspiration. The deepthinking Prince recalled how his heart soared when, one by one the boys announced that she had only wanted friendship from them.

The word was on the tip of his tongue. The only logical explanation for his feelings. Love. But it couldn’t be. There was Wheein. There were all the girls at home and...he didn’t feel like this towards any of them. Not since he had seen (Y/N).

Before his eyes flashed the woman floating in the pool after she excused herself from dinner. She had seen so upset during the meal, so he was glad that she was smiling with her face towards the stars. His heart did a funny little tingle.

Prince Namjoon began to write once more.

Is this love Is this love Sometimes I know Sometimes I don’t The next line What should I write? So many words are circling me But I don’t like a single one I just feel it Like the moon always rising after the sun Like nails growing, like trees shedding their leaves When winter comes You’re the one To turn my recollections into memories Before I knew you My heart was only in linear motion

Yeah. That was a good start. It was the truth about his feelings. This was what he’d perform for the Princess at tomorrow’s festival.

[toesuckler]

zero notes? damn yall excited <3 okay here

FRANKENSTEIN NOTES

all letters written by R. Walton

To Margret Savielle

Letter 1

DEC 11th, st petersburg

R. Walton (the brother of margret savielle) has marked his 6 year point on his voyage to (assumedly) one of the poles against his fathers dying wishes (to which assumedly means some sort of monster- or possibly just a warning against the nature of humanity represented by monster). he studies all night and works all day, and is currently nearing russia from st petersburg- to which he hopes to join another ship and get new sailors. he admits that he will not see his sister in many years, if at all but that if he doesnt he will have died an acomplished life he loved.

- TRIVIA.

- they do not know how a compass works, but know it is pulled towards the poles, to which he seeks.

LETTER 2

March 28th, archangel

this whole letter was him recounting his lonelyness and seeking of the unknown, dicksucking his luetenent and once again stating that he may never return..

(the story of his luetenent is of him pursuing a woman, her admitting she is in love with a poor man and him ending his pursuit. he really admires this man- aka he wants that mans hands around his waist so so bad)

- TRIVIA

- the albatross line alludes to the poem "The rime of the ancient mariener" by S. Taylor Coleridge

LETTER 3

july 7th, undislclosed

Very short, only about a page and a half. Contains no events, but simply an internal dialouge projected outward about why this journey is so important to him and how he WILL succeed

LETTER 4

august 5th, undisclosed

they find a man (assumedly the monster) fleeing my dogsled while their ship is concaved in ice- then they meet a man of whom is near death (assumedly victor). they nurse him back to health. while keeping his crew away to end their questions his motives are revealed. "finding a man who once fled him" - to which robert says mustve been the man from the dogsled earlier

Aug 13th, undisclosed somewhere near the artic

He develops a crush on the man he rescued, like actually. like look at this.

"he is so gentle, he so wise; his mind is so cultivated, and when he speaks ... they flow with rapidiy and unparalleled eloquence"

oh he actually wants that dick so bad. anyways this is referancing his earlier comments about wanting a male friend/companion who shares his need for the unknown

THIS CONTINUES TO P21, THE BEGINING OF CH1

CH 1

backstory

Victor is born to a noble family of travelers, born in naples. His father is older than his mother and they love eachother very much. He is an only child up until, on a trip in milan they encounter a beggar woman who offers them their child (the only one with blond hair, shocker.) the only one born to a nobleman, who later died. They take in Elizabeth lavenza as their child, and victors younger sister. who he is weirdly into.

the chapter ends with the quote, "No word, no expression could body forth the kind of relation in which she stood to me - my more than sister, since till death she was to be mine only." (WEIRD!)

CH2

He elaboretes upon elizabeth is more of a poet of the existing life- while victor seeks the limits of what CAN exist, and that cereval (the fathers bffs son, basically a brother) seeks the admiration of man. Victor seeks to explain and discover the limits of life and death (you know, like... what will happen later) He then describes philosphers he liked for roughly two pages and his confusion of listening to multiple others he breaks at 15 when, after his father says some author he admires is bs, he discovers he can think for himself- and that he is smart and has his own outlook to explore.

The chapter ends with the quote, "I was to be taught to associate evil with their prosecution, happiness with their disregard... Destiny was too potent, and her immutable laws had decreed my utter and terrible destruction."

CH3

victor (17) joins the university of ingolstadt. the day before he leaves, elizabeth catches scarlet fever. he was held back to prevent anxiety, but his mother caught the same severe condition. she dies, on her deathbed she gives permision for him and elizabeth to marry (yuck). he considers death the "greatest evil" (this is important to me, but to most it is implied.)

after this theres a few paras of grieving, then he returns his pilgrimage to ingolstadt, this time more downtrodden and afraid to see his family grieve.

his siblings push off their greif to say goodbye, cerval wishes to come along but cannot. at school, a teacher of natural philosophy calls

him (in my words) bogus- he is proud of that.

another professor brainblasts him with a poetic speech ...

READ HERE:

"The ancient teachers of this science,' said he, promised impos-sibilities, and performed nothing. The modern masters promise very little; they know that metals cannot be transmuted, and that the elixir of life is a chimera. But these philosophers, whose hands seem only made to dabble in dirt, and their eyes to pore over the microscope or crucible, have indeed performed miracles. They penetrate into the recesses of nature, and show how she works in her hiding places. They ascend into the heavens: they have discovered how the blood circulates, and the nature of the air we breathe. They have acquired new and almost unlimited powers; they can command the thunders of heaven, mimic the earthguake, and even mock the invisible world with its own shadows.'

as och tere the professors m shadows. her let me say such be words of the fate - enounced to destroy me."

after the brainblast, he returns to his anchient science with further vigor and enthusiasm.

Prof Waldman (dr brainblast) takes him in as his apprentice and inspire him to learn all of the sciences available rather than the classics alone- to which further reignited (but this time added upon) his journey of endless knowledge

CH 4

victor begins his intrepidies into chemistry and natural philosophy from the vantagepoint of ancient philosophy. from this brainblast he befriends others for the first time in like.. ever. he begins applying things to actual science which gains him esteem as he improves the scientific method and instruments multiple times within two years (He is 19 at this point)

he begins biology, study of life, which be becomes well aquainted with.

"to examin the causes of life; we must recourse the causes of death".

he does not care for superstition and he thinks hes sooooooo smart and above people about it (this will be his downfall)

he gains a g_d complex

HE BEGINS MAKING THE MAN WOOOO 💥💥💥👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

grave robery 👍 and animal torture to find out why they are alive??? in his efforts to create life, he ends up looking like a corpse because of lack of sleep (symbolic)

fatherly symboism is important ths chapter, as he creates a child, he looses touch with the morals of his common father and feels grief over pushing away his last living parent as in his guilt he stops writing to his father.

the feelings of guilt consumed him further, making him more dead yet living, he puts himself to his goal of creating life- believing it to be capable of absolving him of this toil and saving his soul.

END OF BACKSTORY, BODY IS GIVEN LIFE IN CH5

CH5

hey do u guys want first quarter of frankenstien notes.

[mk-the-niffler]

I see on your bio it says youre 15, you dont look it. Anyways since you said youve been acting for nine years you mustve started around 6? I assume in school. What was all that like?

i get asked if i’m older than i am all the time. i just finished freshman year in high school and most people assumed i was a junior.  

yeah buddy. i’ve been acting for a very long time. more than half of my small amount of life. 

acting in school was so much fun. there was a program that i went to every thursday after school called Drama Kids and that’s where i got my start. my mom put me in it because she thought acting would be something fun for me since i played pretend at home all the time.

and if it wasn’t for her, i probably wouldn’t have gotten this raging passion for acting  that i have. i’m so thankful for it.

please ask me more acting questions because i could go on and on about it forever.