#and she feels more comfortable with what she's already familiar with (this is a similar reasoning as to why i gave miranda prosthetics) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

averagelivingbeings · 4 months ago

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The black magic tube

Top Blade/Bottom afab Dan Heng

In which Ren finds an uncannily realistic fleshlight and decides to fuck it, unaware of his boyfriend Dan Heng feeling it from miles away.

Word Count: 4516

Tags: PWP, Afab Dan Heng, magic fleshlight, vaginal sex, cunnilingulus, big dick Ren, public sex, public humiliation, a little bit of pussy spanking, long distance sex, they aren’t even in the same room once, humiliation

AFAB language used for Dan Heng

——————————————

Ren found the strange cylindrical tube while cleaning up around the apartment. The outside was of an even shape made with smooth, black plastic and fit comfortably into Ren’s large hand. Upon closer inspection, he noted that it had a lid, a simple screw lid.

Perhaps it was one of the tubes Dan Heng used to transport his artworks with, albeit a very short one. Usually he’d just use a folder for the smaller papers and a longer container for the large ones.

However, upon unscrewing the top, he was neither greeted by a thick roll of paper nor the darkness an empty tube would contain inside.

Instead, the bright, rosy lips of a pussy, complete with clit, hood and hole greeted him.

Ren swiftly slammed the lid onto the tube, a mad blush spreading on his cheek. He certainly didn’t remember buying that thing and unless Dan Heng wanted to tease him with a foreign hole, he had no reason to either, lacking the anatomy to actually use it.

He pensively stared at the black tube, barely paying attention to his broom falling over, as he took it to their shared bedroom.

~/~

“Yo, what if we just had a threesome?”

Dan Heng sighed, moving on to drying the freshly cleaned plates, which were messily piled into the dishwasher, courtesy of his laid-back colleague Jing Yuan.

“Wouldn’t that be incest?”, Caelus replied, thoughtfully swirling the contents of his third cup of coffee for the day around. “I mean, we’re twins, that’s even worse.”

“Yeah, but you won’t be fucking me, we’ll both just fuck her”, Stelle rebutted. She had just gotten started on her fourth cup and Dan Heng was really contemplating not giving them anymore caffeine, its effect on the twins similar to alcohol.

They had been debating their could-be romantic relationship with Firefly in front of Dan Heng at the cafe he worked part-time at for weeks now. Apparently all three were head over heels over each other, with the exception of Caelus and Stelle, and couldn’t decide how to proceed after a coffee drunken day had led to a spontaneous hookup.

“What do you think, Dan Heng?”

Of course he’d be dragged into it again.

“Well, it all depends on what each of you wants, of course”, he began, already seeing the exasperated eyerolls make their way into the twin’s faces and quickly continued: “But you could have an open relationship with Firefly dating both of you. And you two just… Keep your hands off of each other.”

“That’s true, but what if we want to marry someday?” Caelus raised an eyebrow at both of them, the question prompting Stelle to choke on her drink.

“You’re thinking about marriage already??” She looked at him in disbelief, half of the cafe lazily turning towards their little group, before going back to their business of reading newspapers or working.

“Well of course! Foresight is better and cheaper than hindsight”, Caelus insisted.

“That’s not foresight, that’s overplanning.”

“I’m not planning anything yet, I’m just…”

Dan Heng shook his head, the ghost of an amused smile playing at his lips, as he went to fix up another customer’s order.

Yes, today was a good day.

~/~

Upon closer inspection, the fleshlight, which Ren came to realise the tube to be, looked awfully familiar. Or at least the pussy inside of it, not the item itself.

The sun-kissed, smooth skin, a single mole near the clitoris, just the shape of the labia as well as the coloration.

Ren had seen more pussies than he thought he ever would in his life, but the image of the one of his beloved boyfriend was practically etched into his mind at this point.

Gingerly, he reached out to touch it, gently stroking the labia and nudging the folds. It felt smooth and soft to his touch, the plush material dipping the slightest bit at his touch, almost exactly like it was the real thing.

Ren held the tube between his thighs and used his thumbs to spread the hole apart. Despite probably just being a piece of silicone, he couldn’t help but be entranced by how realistic it was designed. The pink insides glistened, as if it was already wet and he felt the hole tighten up around his fingers.

“Mghhh…” With a lustful groan, Ren leaned over to place a kiss onto the hooded clit and reached down to palm his clothed cock. He was amazed by the feeling of his lips touching the fake pussy, his grip tightening on the base of his dick.

Slowly and gently, all thoughts about what a degenerate he was for licking a fleshlight like it was his lover being discarded and forgotten, Ren wrapped his lips around the clit and began sucking on it.

~/~

Dan Heng froze, as he waited for the milk to heat up, gripping the counter tightly and clenching his thighs together. There was a strange tingling sensation at his crotch, as if someone was touching it.

He felt the ghost of a rough finger brushing over his labia, but upon looking down, there was nothing. His legs allowed no room for anything to touch him, yet the phantom digits kept going anyway.

Dan Heng’s breath hitched, when he felt two fingers shamelessly spreading his hole open. It took all of his willpower not to whine at the teasing and exposing gesture. Ren loved doing that whenever he was about to demolish his cunt and afterwards to watch his cum seep out of it.

“Dan Heng?”

“Huh-?” Blinking, Dan Heng’s gaze shot to Jing Yuan who had been calling out for him.

“Your milk.” The taller man motioned to the coffee machine with the glass he was cleaning.

Right, his milk. The milk for the coffee. The milk for his customer’s coffee.

“Right, sorry…” Dan Heng awkwardly grabbed the container and shuffled over to make it foam up, all the while, the fingers or rather, the finger by now kept massaging his pussy and inevitably driving him to wetness. Watching the milk foam slowly dripping out of the measuring cup into the actual cup only spurred on his arousal, as he fantasised of his boyfriend. Ren always had fairly big loads and no matter whether he dumped them on Dan Heng’s face, his chest, his stomach or in his cunt, he found it mesmerising to watch.

“Ngh-!”

The milk spilled over onto the counter, as a sudden, wet kiss hit his clit, making Dan Heng jolt.

“Fuck-! Sorry…” He bowed at the grey-haired customer with the strange wing and halo accessories who had been standing patiently in the same spot all the time. Grabbing a towel, he quickly wiped down the counter and moved to prepare a new cup.

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” The man smiled at him, his golden eyes shining in an uncannily kind manner, as he pointed at the cup Dan Heng had miserably failed at. “I’ll take this one.”

“If you insist, sir…”, Dan Heng squeaked out pathetically, his growing arousal making it hard to focus on the task at hand. Carefully, yet shakily, he cleaned the cup, finished the coffee and lifted it up to hand over to the man.

The finger had stilled for the most part, but it was definitely still there. He was glad that the mouth had retreated though.

“Here’s your coffee, si- Mghh-!” Dan Heng couldn’t hold back a moan and nearly dropped the coffee onto the customer’s pristine suit, when he suddenly felt a mouth wrap itself around his clit and suck harshly.

“Woah-!” The man caught the coffee just in time to prevent it from spilling, yet the unsettling smile prevailed on his face. “Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.”

“Have a nice day…” Dan Heng couldn’t even look the other in the eye, as he left, his cheeks were burning from arousal and humiliation, both of which perpetually amplified each other.

“Fuck…”, he muttered under his breath, when the mouth on his clit didn’t let up and kept sucking, licking and even biting his sensitive nub. The sensation made his body burn from pleasure, it felt exactly like his boyfriend eating his pussy.

“Dan Heng, are you alright?”

Not Jing Yuan again. Dan Heng blinked and looked to the side, his knuckles having turned white on the counter, as he kept subtly moving his hips and clenching his legs in a futile attempt to drive the invisible molester away.

“Y-Yeah… I’m…! I just-“ He bit his lip, pussy clenching around nothing, as he felt an orgasm approaching. His underwear was surely soaked through by now and he thanked his apron for hiding any stains that could make it through his pants.

But before he could come in his pants like some depraved teenager, both the mouth and the finger retreated, leaving him panting, sweating and horny beyond comprehension.

Looking around, he noticed Jing Yuan as well as Stelle and Caelus at the counter shooting him concerned looks. The rest of the cafe thankfully couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to him.

With a sigh, he stood up straight, trying to even his breathing and coming down from his denied high. “I’m fine… Sorry for that…”

Seeing that the sensation wasn’t coming back, he went back to work as usual and upon seeing him back to normal, Jing Yuan and the twins relaxed as well.

~/~

“Hnghh, hahh…” Ren grunted, as he slipped his hands into his pants and started fisting his cock. His grip was tight around the fleshlight to the point it may as well be in danger of shattering between his fingers.

His dick hardened in no time, soon standing tall and proud in its full glory, the tip an angry red and veins bulging at its shaft. He thoughtfully thumbed the tip, as he inspected the hole of the toy. It was small, not smaller than the average pussy, but the type of small that made Ren hesitate about whether he should just ram himself inside.

Would he fit? He wondered silently, as he slowly stroked his cock, comparing its length to the tube. At least he could fully push it in without issues, but he was certain he’d be spearing that hole open.

Unsurprisingly, his dick twitched when he thought of that and he smiled a little. Arousal pooled in his gut, when he thought back to Dan Heng’s first time taking his dick and how he had whined about his size being too big. The fact that he alone had reduced the other to a moaning mess drowning in a perfect blend of pleasure and pain did things to Ren’s ego.

Fuck this shit, Ren thought to himself, dropping the fleshlight grab a bottle of lube and spread the contents over his length.

Picking the toy up and gripping it tightly, he teased the hole with his tip, spreading the lube everywhere and making the pussy glisten as if it was wet. With an aroused hum, Ren grabbed his dick and slapped it against the artificial cunt multiple times, watching the way the realistic folds bounced lightly from the impact.

Finally, when he had teased himself to his limits, he pushed forward, his tip slipping inside and already pushing the hole to its limits. An almost sadistic grin spread on Ren’s face, as he saw the hole try to accommodate his girth.

“Awww…” Cooing and stroking the clit, he waited a few seconds, as if the toy was a partner that had to get used to him first. With his patience running thin though, he discarded the thought and slammed the toy down hard on his length.

~/~

Dan Heng shouldn’t have had hope. Despite the mishap with the grey-haired customer’s coffee, everything went fine. He could even stand back and relax a little, remembering that he knew the eerie man from a mysterious sex shop he recently stumbled into on a rainy day.

But of course, good times never last.

The sensation of flesh touching his private area returned, this time different. The… Thing touching him was far thicker and smoother than the fingers, it’s wet and Dan Heng could feel bumps similar to veins in some places.

“Mgh…” He shifted uncomfortably, no clenching his legs together or trying to bat at it deterred whatever ghost molested him. Leaning back against the wall, he clenched his eyes shut, his panties were still wet from the aggressive oral sex he had been given not too long ago and his arousal quickly spiked again.

“Dan Heng, are you sure you’re okay?” A large, warm hand gently came to rest on his shoulder.

Ren, was his first thought, until his eyes snapped open and he stared right into Jing Yuan’s face.

“You’re very red and warm, maybe you should-“

“Ghh-! Please excuse me-!” Dan Heng weakly punched Jing Yuan in the chest, his face turning even redder upon feeling the thick, hefty thing which he now recognised to be someone’s fucking cock slapping against his pussy and clit. Curse his masochistic side for loving it and wanting to moan and beg for more like a slutty bitch.

Jing Yuan gave way despite the hit carrying only the strength of an ophthalmologist and Dan Heng dashed off, trying to look as normal as possible while a fucking huge cock, as he realised, slapped his cunt.

He nearly fell to his knees in front of the door to the bathrooms, when he felt the tip slip in. It was painful, the thing was big and stretching him to his limits. At the same time, only Ren could spear him open in such a deliciously pleasurable manner and Dan Heng gradually felt his resolve crumble.

He hastily stumbled inside and shoved his shirt into his mouth to muffle his groans of pleasure, as the rough pad of a finger returned to stroke his clit. The person in the mirror was sweating and blushing madly, his black hair sticking to his forehead, while his eyes were hazy with lust.

With a whimper, Dan Heng shoved open a stall door and retreated into it, before slamming it shut and locking it tightly. He had just turned his back to the toilet, his legs reflexively spread to accommodate the thick phantom girth between his legs, when it suddenly slammed right into him, causing him to fall back onto the toilet lid with a moan.

Deliriously, he stared down at his crotch, seeing absolutely nothing there, even when he flipped the apron up and took off his pants. Only when Dan Heng slipped a hand into his underwear and touched his soaked clit and wandered down to his hole, did he notice it gaping.

It looked and felt as though it was being stretched past its limits by a thick, hefty girth, but no matter where Dan Heng moved his fingers, he felt nothing, no trace of the phantom cock or the fingers and mouth.

~/~

“Hahhh, grrghhh-!” Ren groaned in surprise, delighting in the tightness of the fleshlight. He paused, once fully inside, relishing in the way it seemed to squeeze him like a vice, like Dan Heng’s pussy.

After a while of imagining his partner moaning and arching his back while seated on his cock, Ren slowly gripped the toy and started moving it up and down his cock.

The plush, soft walls felt heavenly around him, despite the tightness and how they seemed to suck him back in every time he lifted the fleshlight, the glide was smooth and easy. Ren loved the friction against his shaft, the way his tip kissed the deep end of the toy and how thoroughly speared open the hole looked.

~/~

“Ahhh, hahh, mfgghhh~”

Dan Heng had expected the ghost cock in him to start moving, but he hadn’t been prepared for how good it felt. Shoving his fingers in his mouth to gag himself, he threw his head back and spread his legs, the burning humiliation from being fucked by a mysterious entity only adding to the heat forming in his stomach.

Slowly but surely he found a comfortable position on the toilet in which he could handle getting fucked in. His eyes rolled back and he slowly rubbed his soaked clit with the same rhythm of the cock forcing him open. Dan Heng must be looking like one hell of a slut, drooling all over his fingers with his legs spread and his pussy gaping and closing at regular intervals.

Of course, the moment he started to fully immerse himself in the pleasure, someone had to go piss.

Dan Heng groaned internally, trying to slow down his fingers and reduce the squelching sounds they made from rubbing his clit. Instead, he raptly listened to the heavy footsteps marching over to the neighbouring stall and dug his nails into his clit. A shudder shook his body, the stinging sensation of his sharp nails against the sensitive nub definitely felt too good to remain quiet.

Dan Heng hoped the sounds of sprinkling water hid the gasp he let out.

~/~

This thing was driving Ren feral.

At this point, he was growling like a starved animal, while his hands ached from gripping the toy too tightly. His cock had soiled the inside with pre-cum which was starting to leak out from the side, but the pleasure felt far too good to be coming from a simple fleshlight. It was so realistic, he could feel it squeezing and tightening around him every time he sunk into it and whenever he aimed his movements in a way to hit a g-spot, it clenched around him even more tightly.

When he closed his eyes, he could see a vivid image of his boyfriend bouncing on his cock, face red, tears in his beautiful, turquoise eyes, as his tummy and legs flexed from the movements. His sweet, little pussy spread obscenely around his veiny cock, as a small bulge appeared on his stomach with every thrust inside.

“Nghhh, ahhh~” With a deep moan, Ren lifted his shirt and started caressing his abs and chest with one hand, just like Dan Heng would do it. He dug his fingers into his pec, squeezing and pulling at his nipple and massaging the thick muscle, while speeding up his movements with the fleshlight.

~/~

“Nghh-!” Dan Heng couldn’t prevent a moan from slipping out, when the cock began pounding him faster, effortlessly reaching the deepest and most sensitive spots inside of him. His legs were shaking and he felt his pussy clench down tightly on the invisible intrusion.

“Sir, are you experiencing an emergency over there?”

Shit.

Dan Heng cursed himself, trying to catch his breath and to sound normal, as he pulled his saliva soaked fingers out of his mouth with a wet pop. “N-No, sir, I’m alright-! I’m perfectly alright-!” Of course, the cock inside him decided to take that moment to speed up and roughen up its thrusts. Dan Heng would have been bent in half already, if Ren was the one fucking him on the spot.

There was silence on the other side of the stall door.

Dan Heng held his breath, perfectly aware of the wet sounds his pussy was making. He had started playing at it with both of his hands, unable to resist the pleasure of rubbing his clit and stroking the inside of his spread walls.

“… I will not question your choice of activity in a public bathroom, if I may be so bold as to call it that.”

Dan Heng’s face was surely overcooked now from both arousal and humiliation, but just as he was about to throw any sense away and moan the guy out of the bathroom, the thrusts stopped. The thick, long cock was still lodged deeply in his hole and kissing his cervix, but it just sat there, he felt no cum, nothing.

“… But should you feel great discomfort at this moment, I can send someone to help you”, the scholarly, deep voice carried on.

Dan Heng rolled his eyes. Can’t he just leave? “Really, sir, I’m alright… Give me a few minutes and meet me outside in the cafe, if you are so concerned for my well being.”

A dramatic sigh. If Dan Heng had any fucks left to give, he would have described the guy as sounding like the epitome of a dramatic young male hero in ancient Greek mythology. “If you insist. I shall wait outside.”

“Do that…” Dan Heng murmured, relief washing over him like a cool ocean breeze on a sweltering hot summer day, when he heard the man’s footsteps carrying him outside. He faintly felt the dick inside him shift, as if its owner was planning something.

Hopefully nothing too devious.

~/~

“Hnghhh, anghhh…!” Ren groaned, as he held the fleshlight in place with an iron grip. Getting up from the bed, he determinedly walked over to Dan Heng’s study, swiped the stray papers, brushes and pens off and placed the toy with his still throbbing and rock-hard cock into it on the desk.

He held the black tube with one hand and ran the other over his torso, before starting to thrust his hips into it and oh yes, that felt so much better.

Ren always preferred setting his own pace and thrusting his cock into someone always felt better than letting them do their thing with him.

Right off the bat, he set a rough pace, the force behind his movements shaking the table with every thrust, as he rammed himself into the toy.

~/~

“Fuuuck-! Angh-!” Dan Heng threw his head back and spread his legs wider, when the cock inside him started fucking into him roughly. Each thrust was perfectly aimed at his g-spot and the powerful force he felt so clearly behind it sent jolts of overwhelming pleasure through his body.

His fingers aggressively rubbed his clit, while he pinched his nipple with the other. The overstimulation hurt and Dan Heng loved the pain, his cunt clenching down harshly onto the length inside of him.

“Nghh, hahh~ Ohhh, yesss-!” He couldn’t give a living shit anymore for anyone hearing him, he was getting close to a well-deserved orgasm and he wanted to feel it wrecking him.

Dan Heng felt the thrusts stutter, losing their steady rhythm and equally picking up in roughness, the harsh slams into his g-spot bordering discomfort.

“Mghh-!” Recognising the pattern as Ren’s telltale sign of an incoming orgasm, Dan Heng slapped his cunt, wet liquids splashing through the stall. It only took three consecutive hits to his clit, before he came with a shout, pussy squirting wildly all over the place. His entire body was shaking, as his orgasm washed over him and he was left gasping and panting on the toilet lid, soiled in his own fluids.

~/~

“Ngh-!” Ren’s orgasm hit him unexpectedly. He had felt the hole tighten up around him, but now it was clamping down on him like a vice, keeping him inside, as he dumped his load deep into it. With a groan, he rode out his orgasm, shallowly fucking his cum into it until it leaked out from the sides.

He stood there for a while, eyes closed and panting lightly. Half-expecting his boyfriend to eventually whine at him to let go of him, he lazily snapped his eyes open, only to realise that his softening cock was lodged in a fleshlight and his cum dripping out of an artificial pussy. He was even fully clothed with only his dick hanging out of his unzipped pants.

“Fuck…” Humiliation and a bit of shame washed over Ren, as he hastily pulled out and tilted the toy up to prevent it from soiling the floor of Dan Heng’s study. He couldn’t believe that he had let that simple toy carry him away and drive him into a sexual frenzy.

Shaking his head at himself, he grabbed a tissue and wiped his cock clean, before moving on to clean up the mess on the carpet and the desk. The amount he could cum at once always astonished him once the post-nut clarity hit him.

Ren stuffed his cock back into his pants and pulled his shirt back down, before bringing the fleshlight into the bathroom to remove his cum from it and clean it up.

~/~

Dan Heng only now saw the mess he had made and his face was burning with humiliation, as he hastily cleaned it up with toilet paper. His pussy had dripped all over the toilet lid and the liquid he had squirted when he came was staining the floor and the door of the toilet stall. At least the hefty load he had felt being dumped inside him and dripping out of his cunt wasn’t even physically present to dirty the floor or his clothes even further.

He simply couldn’t think of any reason for why and how this could have happened. He could feel cum inside his pussy being gently pulled out by a phantom finger, which seemed to come back every now and then, as if wanting to deep clean his hole. The treatment wasn’t bad though, it was gentle, almost nurturing, as if soothing him after a rough fuck.

It reminded Dan Heng so much of Ren, he couldn’t wait to get off his shift and come back home to kiss and cuddle him. Throwing the toilet paper into the toilet and flushing it down, he got dressed again and left the bathroom.

Hopefully the weirdo from before wasn’t actually waiting outside for him.

Well, he wasn’t, but as Dan Heng washed his hands and freshened himself up in the mirror, another familiar man entered.

“Ah, it’s you, young man.” The grey-haired customer from before flashed his enigmatic smile at him, as he slowly turned on the tab to start washing his hands as well. “Don’t worry, the coffee you prepared was excellent.”

“Ah, I’m glad to hear it, Mr… Mr Sunday.” He couldn’t believe he remembered that name, but then again, he was just at the other’s sex shop last week to pick up an order he had placed.

“Pardon, but if I may ask…”

Dan Heng felt an odd sensation of smallness, like a human in front of a god, but at the same time a warmth, as if he stood in front of a benevolent god, when Sunday looked at him through the mirror and tilted his head to the side.

“Are you satisfied with your purchase from our store?”, Sunday asked, an innocent lilt to his voice. “Have you and your boyfriend tried it out yet?”

“Well, no, but we also haven’t had time yet for that”, Dan Heng answered. Despite the private and intrusive nature of the question, he somehow couldn’t find it in himself to care.

“Hm, that’s a shame, but I do recommend it.” Drying his hands, Sunday turned away from Dan Heng, the absence of his gaze somehow just as unsettling as the presence of it. “You will find the experience just as enjoyable as he will.”

And with that enigmatic statement hanging in the air, he left the bathroom.

#honkai star rail #hsr blade #dan heng #renheng #hsr fanfic #blade honkai #honkai sr #fanfiction #nsft #⛩️ jays writing

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anadiasmount · 10 months ago

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promise - trent alexander arnold x reader.

quick sum: based on these two requests! best friends should always remain best friends. what happens when one has enough of the back and forth and begins to move on?

wc: 3k | masterlist | trent's masterlist

psa 🗣️: hi !! second trent fic as highly requested!! feel very proud of this one so i hope you enjoy!! did use promise by romeo santos ft usher bc i felt like it fit the plot 🤭🤍

trent watched from across the room, sipping on his whiskey observing the way you laugh and smiled at the stranger he didn’t know. he cleared his throat and scratched the his nose in annoyance as he watched you share a kiss, resting your forehead on his.

he felt a pan of jealousy override him, the feeling in his chest felt harsh and fire like seeing you with another man. everyone had their eyes on you, including the girl who sat in front of trent. you worse a sexy red dress, calling attention even from him.

how was it even possible for the two of you to be at the same place, at the same time? was it fate?

"you seem distracted. are you okay?" asked the woman in front of trent, he looked over at her giving her a fake smile, and nodded. "i'm okay, are you enjoying the food?" he asked cautiously, not wanting to make things more awkward than they already were.

he listened to what she said but his eyes kept going back to you and him. trent hated him, even without knowing him, he was angry because he got to do all the stuff that trent wished to do. he hid the bubble of frustration and anger, drowning the urge to go over and question you.

he knew it was partially his fault for letting you go, and that disappointed him even more. he pushed you away, lacked communication, and had commitment issues, when he promised so much. you deserved better and that was trent's only thought about when you were together.

you needed a man who'd be with you always and gave you love and support. trent was the opposite, always away for games, training, shoots, and interviews, he felt like he barely saw you towards the end of the day. trent felt like the relationship was one-sided to him, and he felt it was about him when with you.

even though there was no label, the feelings were clear. he loved you, and you loved him. he knew he loved you the first time he laid eyes on you, watching how you nervously struggled to say words but overall how dedicated, strong, and loving you were. you were a speaker and listener, which he admired.

you worked with kids a lot, earning your degree in education and speech development for kids. you were more than ready to settle down, but the hesitance within trent made him fear if he was truly "ready for more".

trent remembers the good and hard days, when you cuddled into his embrace and stroked his skin softly, pressing kisses all over his face, making dinner and cookies, watching re-runs of gossip girl, when trent felt most safe when he held you as you slept or said nothing and just stared into each other's eyes.

the bad days especially after a tough match, or he just didn't know how to handle things. where he didn't even spare a glance or word at you, leaving you hurt and confused. ignoring your calls or messages. shrugging your touches and words of comfort. not only did it sting you but also him.

trent quickly paid for dinner, grabbed the girls hand, and approached your table, where you sat with your legs crossed and sipped on your wine. you took a double take when you saw the familiar body approach you, feeling your skin heat up with nerves as you saw his dismounted look.

you sat up straighter, giving fabian a nervous smile before speaking up. "trent, hi," you say very monotonely, glancing at the girl who matched almost similar to trent with a grey dress. "what are you doing, y/n?" he taunted, ticking his head to the side referring to fabian. you shook your head pleading to not start a scene.

"fabian meet trent," you introduced stuttering standing up and him following your movements. the girl gave you a nasty look, wrapping her hand around trent's bicep in a protective manner, making your heart twinge with pain. "he's my-" you start.

"boyfriend. i'm her boyfriend." fabian cuts you off, coping trent's facial features in amusement, maybe even bewilderment.

"uh..." you swift your head quickly, stunned and surprised by his words. you weren't anyone's girlfriend, so it confused you why he'd say that to trent. trent's brows perked up offering an enraged smile and licked his lips. "boyfriend huh? how come i didn't know this y/n?" trent asked, releasing his arm from her and crossing them across his chest.

"trent, please not right now..." you begged, wishing you could've ignored him and pretended to be strangers again. trent easily got jealous, and you noticed it right away when you saw the irritation behind his brown eyes, jaw clenched and muscles tense. "just asking a question, y/n," trent shrugged, pursing his lips upside down nonchalantly.

"outside, now," you said dragging him out before trent could continue his games any longer, and muttering a quick 'excuse me' to fabian who sat down. you felt deceived and overall embarrassed at his actions. who was he to demand questions when he threw all of it away? get jealous and angry when he wasn't even yours?

"what do you think you're doing?"

"i don't get it. you say we're done, but here you are moved on y/n?" trent spits out. "is that why initiated us to end? because you felt the need to be away and search for other options?" he continued stepping closer to you. you scoffed and bursted out laughing.

"oh please! you can't be serious when you gave me the reason all along! you acted like a lost puppy and treated me like i was nothing. i tried, gave you my all, tried to support and be there for you and when i begged you for an ounce of attention you pulled away trent! im done with you, and us," you state feeling the knot in your throat build up as you spoke.

you try to walk away but he wraps his hand around your elbow pulling you to him. "i'm not done." you try to push him away but he refuses, bringing his hand to the back of your head and hugging your waist, your struggles coming to an end when you smell the familiar cologne and sense of home in his embrace. “i’m done with playing games y/n… i swear this time.”

“this time? or until you realize you're still afraid of commitment? i need a man trent, not a boy who will leave me when he pleases or gets scared. you proved to me who you were, and i don't want to tangle myself into that mess again…” you whisper, tears running down your cheeks as trent places small kisses on your head and below your ear.

the words let out your mouth hurt trent, feeling his insides turn and anger disappear. all he wanted to do know was never let you go, beg onto his knees if that was what it took to plead and get you back. he’d do anything.

your body felt tense and cold, wanting to be miles away from him, because you knew with trent you faced the reality of always wanting to come back. it wasn’t healthy, you gave him your all for him to push you away. “let go t…”

“i can’t not now, or ever. please i’ll do anything…”

“it’s too late, i need to move on from you or else i’m just bound to end up in the same cycle of getting hurt everytime i’m with you. It’s not fair… also what are you proving to me right now, hmm? that girl inside? who else is gonna come between us now? i can’t trust myself around you…” you let out, gripping his biceps and feeling the cool air between the space of both you as you pulled back.

you sniffled and wiped your tears away, hands smoothing the dress and tucking you hair into place as the wind had blew. trent itched to pull you closer but he saw the mess he created in front of him. why every time he pulled back was because of this, afraid of hurting you. you were right, maybe it was too late. “i’m sorry trent, but i deserve to be happy after i moved heaven and hell with you…”

“i want to be selfish y/n… it's taking everything inside me to drag you away and prove to you i have changed… that i won't walk away from you or us… i’ll say it now and repeat as long as it will take for you to be with me. i love you… i love so fucking much y/n,” he felt relief after holding in the words that tortured him every day since he left you.

he loved you endlessly. the way your eyes shimmered when you laughed or smiled. held his hand and drew shapes to get rid of the nerves. he loved the charisma and energy you carried to be a new and stronger person everyday. he loved you because at the end of the day, you were his best friend and understood him like no one else did.

you scoffed out a laugh in disbelief, yet felt the hope and rushed feelings return when you locked eyes with him. “love? you don’t what that is. the love you claim to have left when i walked away,” you say with no remore, walking back into the restuarant before trent stops you again.

"y/n please. i'm being serious, just hear me out."

"so am i trent. when i say i'm done, i'm done. this isn't going to help, if you say you're a changed man then prove that to me. but right now you're the same trent i met and left me alone constantly," you felt your heart dragged out and painted along the sidewalk.

------------

you bit your lip in worry and desperation as you saw another bouquet of flowers and a small card on your desk, knowing exactly who they belonged to. you sighed and opened the card, reading it word for word before tucking into your desk drawer along with the others.

"red tulips symbolizes love and lust. i love you forever y/n." - trent

he'd sent a boquest of flowers each friday, everytime expalining their meaning and cofessing his love for you over and over again. not only that but he'd send small gifts to your flat, going from food, books, jewelry, or small frames that spoke to you. you had filled your rooms with all of them, not wanting to throw them away.

you shouldn't have kept the gifts, discarding them the chance you received them. but something inside always felt an attachment to him. unable to look away or smile when you saw a small box filled with goodies. it wasn't right especially when fabian was still in the picture.

"another bouquet?" asks your coworker, looking at them from your doorway. "erm yeah," you stutter, "seems like he wants to prove a point y/n... cause it's not only flowers he's sending also small gifts," she points out. "real question is, who are you going to pick at the end of the day..."

"i don't know," you say sitting on the chair leaning back and feeling frustration building in your head. you take a sip of water, trying to ooze the nerves and listen to your coworker. "go with the one that at the end of the day will cherish and honor you forever. the one who'd do anything and everything to be aside with you. because that's a good man."

you thought about what she said all day. her words taunting and making you shiver every time you thought of it. it followed you all the way home to your flat where you looked around and saw all of trent's gifts. you chuckle disgruntled, and remove your coat, getting ready for your date with fabian.

------------

"this isn't working for me y/n," fabian sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and clearing his throat. "i'm getting the sense either you're not ready or you're still stuck on someone from the past... and i need to know because i can't wait any longer," fabian laid the truth on the table.

words struggled to come out of your mouth, feeling defeated and overall disappointed. but fabian was right about something, struggling to move on from trent. he was all you thought about since that night at the restaurant. his pained look with tearful eyes. the way he held you along his chest begging you.

"is there someone in the past you haven't moved on from?" he asked carefully, leaning forward to where you felt your heart pump out your chest. how could you answer that without hurting him? he deserved better and here you were ruining that for him, after all along he treated you like a queen.

"fabian," you croaked giving him a small smile. that alone said enough for him, shaking his head while he tried to get rid of the wave of sadness. "you changed after that night. i don't know what he said to change your mind but if that's how you want to live your life, go for it. i'm not stopping you."

"you don't understand-"

"i don't understand? please let's be civil now y/n. you told me all this shit about him and here you are doing the same to me? you told me i made you happy, that you liked where we were headed. suddenly you're back to your old self who couldn't get over him," fabian expressed angrily and obviously hurt.

your stomach turned, reaching your hand out just for him to pull away. it felt unbearable, the misery and pain of once again losing someone in your life. the bile in your veins filled with venom, how many more would it take till you finally had your happy ever after?

"i thought you were it for me, but now i want nothing to do with you."

fabian got up from the table leaving with stained tears and embarrassment, people looking over and seeing you. you felt like you deserved it, after all you were the reason he was leaving you. with shaky hands and a heavy heart filled with sorrow, you paid and left to the only place you could think of.

"i hate you," you yelled once trent revealed the door. "i hate you so much trent," you cried out gasping for air throwing your clutch onto his sofa and facing him. "when there's finally something good in my life you go and ruin it!"

"y/n breathe... i don't understand-"

"i can't stop thinking of you or what you've said. and for that reason, i lost a man who truly deserved my time and love. i can't have or think of anyone because you're always in my head trent. i just need sanity and peace," you point to your heart, vision blurry as you feel him hold your arms.

"i feel trapped trent, under these stupid feelings i have for you. all of your flowers and gifts, messages and voicemails you leave? it drives me insane," you said sniffling as sinking further into his embrace once again. "fabian is done with me, all because i turned out to be the person who hurt me the most..."

"i didn't deserve to go through all of that. the way you treated me or never communicated what you felt? wishing an longing for your love and affection when i most needed it. even after supporting you through your tough times, promising to be with you forever? i hate it all..."

you struggle out a painful laugh, "i mean look where i am now, back into the place where all this mess started..."

trent had to hide the excitement and contentment he felt upon hearing you and fabian were done. all that mattered now was you were finally here with him, after proving to you, he was in it for all. if proving every day how much he loved and missed you took to get you back, he'd do it forever.

"no you're back home where you belong," trent corrected you, grabbing your face and frowning at your state. you looked completely hopeless and rained with energy, eyes low, and puffy lips from crying. "you're back with me. i meant what i said y/n, i'm proving to you that i want to be here for you..."

"i wake up every day hoping you text me or leave me those silly note drawings. i love you so much it hurts to see you like this because of me. i was an asshole to you then but i promise y/n, i will give you my all if that's what it takes to get to spend the rest of my life with you."

"to hear about how the kids were in your classes and what they did. to eat those amazing cinnamon cookies, to hear your laugh, to see your eyes widen when they bore into mine when we cuddle in the same bed. to be able to wake up next to you..."

"it hurts me too y/n. to see you don't love or even acknowledge what i'll do for you..." trent clamors out, still holding your face as his thumb brushes away the new fresh of tear the slid down your cheek. "i love you so much, im afraid it's too late for us and tomorrow you'll be gone."

a moment of silence passes between the two of you, hearing your ragged breaths and sniffles as you both take in the situation and what was occurring. heart beating out of each other's chest, and pulse-raising a mile high.

"it's not late..." you say with no reluctance, despite what happened trent did prove himself how much loves you. fabian couldn't ever see or read that from you, having to either ignore the signs or ask. trent knew you better than anyone else, and he knew right there and then, that hope still laid on the table. "say it... i need to hear you say it."

"its not late because i love you too trent... i think i always have and always will... i couldn't stand the fact you were with someone who wasn't me. so much needs to be changed and heard trent. i refuse for you to say all this and then go back to square one," you clarify, a sense of warmth towering over you as he smiled down at you.

"just promise me one thing hmm? that you won't give up so easily or walk away like i did. we will talk it out and solve it because i can't go through another span where you're not next to me here," trent says, tracing your lips with his thumb. "i promise trent..." you swore desperately nodding at his words.

trent closes the space, lips molding with yours as he takes a breath finally being able to kiss you. he wastes no time and pushes his tongue through your lips able to taste your sweet fondness. hands holding you tight as you completely let yourself be unrestrained and into the way he kissed you.

"i promise you y/n, this isn't bullshit. what we have is special, and i'll make sure you see that..."

#trent alexander arnold #trent alexander arnold x reader #trent alexander arnold imagine #trent alexander arnold blurb #trent alexander arnold angst #trent alexander arnold fanfiction #football fanfic #football x you #football x reader #footballer #football imagine #football one shot

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trulyhblue · 10 months ago

Text

Until We Moved Away

Kyra Cooney-Cross x Swedish! Reader

Warnings — fluff, coarse language, childhood friends w/ benefits

A/N — cried maybe three times in the past three hours because I had to rewrite this since it was deleted 🤭 Anyways, enjoy KCC content bc there definitely isn't enough on here!!

_______________________

When you met Kyra, you weren't quite sure what to think of her.

You were a Swedish international and had made your debut from a very young age. You were talented, well known within your country, and made it your life mission to make your family, country, and yourself proud.

You kept to yourself most of the time, choosing to focus on your career and paint a path for your future by working hard and improving on every aspect of your technique, gameplay, and overall performance. You had never played outside of Sweden before, and you were content with your decision. You were privileged enough to live close to home, within driving range, and know your way around. You weren't confused by the language, or troubled by anything in your day-to-day life. You were passionate about your job, you lived football, and you were determined to do anything in your power to win.

When you met Kyra, your mindset seemed to change.

Kyra was from Australia, and the Swedish language was foreign to her. When you first met, the girl complimented your sweater. In return, you told her the Hammarby jersey she was wearing suited her. She sent you a wide, warm smile, and you returned it.

From then on out, your relationship continued to be like that.

Kyra was very charismatic. She often held a lot of energy, and you were fortunate enough to witness it as you grew to know her more. The girl wouldn't know what to do with herself during the long bus and plane journeys, so she decided that talking your ear off was an appropriate solution.

The Australian wasn't very good at planning things, and you quickly realised that you were her guiding hand early on in knowing her. When Kyra didn't have a proper place to stay, she moved in with you permanently, only two weeks in. When Kyra was stuck with understanding your language, you made an effort to try and learn English, just so the familiarity of home would somewhat comfort her.

Kyra experienced homesickness from time to time, which you never really felt before, so you tried your hardest to make her feel at home by buying Australian snacks or making time to research some Australian movies.

When your schedules were empty, on the rare occasion that they were, you made the effort to show her around Sweden, hoping she’d find solace in a foreign country and find similarities between your home and hers.

When the opportunity arose, you managed to find time to get the two of you two plane tickets to Australia. You weren't quite sure how Kyra would react, but grateful was an understatement.

You found yourself falling for the girl in ways you never thought you would. Australia brought something out of the girl. You weren't sure what it was, but a certain aura enclosed her with an entity of warmth, solitude, and contentment. Kyra was in her element, and you felt bad not seeing how being away from home for so long could affect someone as it did to her.

When the World Cup rolled around, you were certain that you were completely and utterly in love with Kyra.

She had asked you on dates before, and you were blind to see them as simply hanging out. It wasn't until you both were due to fly to Australia, ready to prepare with your respected National Teams, that you realised how desperate you were to make that girl yours.

You weren't sure why you didn't just ask then and there, but you had kept the feeling to yourself in case it ruined the relationship you already had.

The two of you would text every night, talking about how it was both your first World Cup and the excitement surrounding it. While you both were relishing the adrenaline of each victory that passed, not realising that the two of you might verse each other.

You were there during the France versus Australia game. You were enamoured by the atmosphere of the crowd, and overwhelmed by the cheers, chants, and excitement around Women’s Football and the impact this tournament has had on the sport as a whole.

You were nervous when Australia lost to England, feeling the weight of your loss against Spain pulling taunt to your heart. You were disappointed in the outcome, not only because you weren't making it to the finals but because you felt like you had let your country down. It was no secret that your contract with Hammarby was ending soon, and no one but you felt as if your performance was costing a renewal.

Kyra had told you a million times how hard you were on yourself, and you always shook it off and told her that it was just passion. You still believed that. You were extremely passionate about everything regarding football. But if Kyra was right about one thing, there was always something more important.

It was clear to everyone in the stadium that both teams were still grieving the loss of the finals. You were exhausted from the games you had played this past month, and fatigue riddled you through the final minute of the Bronze Medal match. You hadn't spoken to Kyra since consoling her after her game against England, knowing that the ambiguity of tonight’s game might tamper with open wounds.

You weren't ready to face the girl after a month of not seeing her. You wanted to hold her, talk to her face-to-face, and tell her how proud you were of all that she has done for her team, her family, and her nation. That girl was all you cared and yearned for. Kyra was this beaming light that you could always confide in, and now that you were competing against her felt like a stab to the chest.

Despite this, you played your heart out. You made sure to keep your defence in the back line strong throughout the ninety minutes, hoping your forwards could break through Australia’s incredible midfield and defence. You were waiting anxiously for the final whistle to blow, relishing the final moments of such a brilliant tournament to be over, hoping the weight of the competition would fall off your chest the moment it was done.

Kyra played her heart out like she always did but with this new-found determination to prove herself. Every tackle, pass and shot was full of purpose and meaning. You watched her effortless talent shine through throughout the match, enamoured by her flawlessness in every aspect that she flaunted.

Your exhaustion sent you to your knees when the referee blew the full-time whistle. You were standing by yourself near the middle of the pitch, burying your face into your hands as they trembled. The adrenaline from the game, and every game you had played that past month, fizzled out from under you. The crowd was drowned out by your heaving breathing. Every muscle in your body ached. You wondered how your family back home was feeling. You wondered whether they were celebrating your third-place win.

Your home, your country, your nation; you hoped and prayed that they were proud of you and your team’s efforts, for you put everything you could into it. You so badly wanted to tell everyone watching that you tried your best.

Your thoughts were flooded into nothing when a soothing hand met the waistband of your shorts. You felt a familiar figure lean into you, the hand moving under your jersey and rubbing comforting circles across your back.

“Always beating me, aren't ‘ya, Älskling?” She muttered, her usual smug tone streaming through. There was no hesitancy in your movements as you sunk into her chest, hugging her chest and sighing as you took in the girl’s familiar scent.

“You played so well, Kyra.” You muttered, your tone much more sincere than hers. “You and the girls deserve the medal more than anyone else.”

“Oh, shush, you're just being modest,” Kyra replied, taking her spare hand and massaging your scalp. “Y’know what I deserve? Some love and affection from you, that's what.”

“What? Is the Kyra Cooney-Cross admitting that she missed me?” You scoffed, nuzzling your face into her neck. She was holding you up by now, keeping your body flush against her own as she rolled her eyes and huffed.

“Go back to being modest.”

You took her words as a sign to prop yourself up, smiling when you caught sight of the flush of her cheeks. “I missed you heaps, if that helps.”

“Oh yeah?” She answered, finding a loose strand of your hair and tucking it behind your ear. You bit your lip, smiling down to where your bodies entangled.

“What's next?” You asked. It question was ambiguous, but the Australian in front of you seemed to have a grasp of understanding as to what you alluded to.

“Kiss me and find out.”

You didn't have a chance to react, feeling Kyra’s lips push up against your own. Her hand reached your cheek, moving her lips against yours, smirking when you started to reciprocate the action.

You must've stayed like that for a while, since you pulled apart feeling out of breath. The flush on both of your cheeks meant a beat of silence, pulling you into your own little bubble that shielded you away from the stadium full of people.

“Wherever you go, I go,” Kyra stated, letting your thumb run a path over the freckles that covered her nose.

You nodded and smiled, and she did too.

___________________

hammarbyfotball

hammarbyfotball — Girlfriends that move together, stay together 💚🤍

Wishing Y/N and Kyra all the best for their Arsenal journey in North London.

Congratulations Girls 🙌🏼

Comments:

user12 — HELP THEY REALLY EXPOSED THEIR RELATIONSHIP IN THE GOODBYE POST AHAHHAHA

^ wowwoso — they like ‘Not my problem now, BYE’ 😋

yourusername — Will miss you!! Thank you for this opportunity 💚

* liked by hammarbyfotball

Kyracooneyx — admin has no shame lol

^ yourusername — Kyra. Log. Off

^ user78 — HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

wosothings — after that absolute makeout sesh we all saw I think we all saw this coming 😭

^ kxxfan — I'm still in mourning.

^ user77 — no bc why did the camera pan to someone crying to these two shoving their tongues down each others throat I WAS SHOCKED.

y/nkcc — THIS IS HOW I FIND OUT THEY’RE LEAVING???????? i am grieving leave me alone.

matildasswed — admin saw that kiss and thought those two had hard launched.

_______________________

arsenalwfc

arsenalwfc — let's welcome two more gunners to North London!

Hammarby Legends Y/N L/N and Kyra Cooney-Cross sign with us after a masterclass World Cup ahead of the 23/24 season!

___________

Comments:

User22 — THERE IS NO WAY OMGGGG

Stephcatley — welcome girls!!! ❤️

Caitlinfoord — HAHAHA CALLED IT @ mackenziearnold

^ mackenziearnold — shut up.

kccfanx — Hammarby banked after selling these two🥲 just over 700k 💀

^ user90 — they've just lost two of their best players… I think they’ll need all the money they can get in order to replace them.

Bethmead — looking good in red girls 🥰🥰

user34 — both of them joining straight after the world cup kiss???? Coincidence?? I think not 🤭

^ wosox — they really said together forever

yourusername — Thank You ❤️

*liked by arsenalwfc

Hammarbyfotball — congradulations!!!

^ user88 — happy for them BUT IM IN MOURNING

^ user2 — I'm distraught.

kyracooneyx — yeah the Aussie tan @ yourusername

^ caitlinfoord — simp

^ alannakennedy — simp

^ mackenziearnold — simp

^ kyracooneyx — I was talking about mine but ok.

^ wosofan — HAHAHAHAHAHA

user2 — gonna miss them in Sweden

^ IK 😭😭😭

cooneyxfan — are they really soft launching their relationship with a transfer post????

^ kyracooneyx — yes lol.

^ cooneyxfan — AINT NO WAY

_______________

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sena-shi · 2 years ago

Text

SAGAU but with a lazy and always sleepy imposter!creator!reader

reader who is always sleepy and doesn't want to move a muscle. it's like even moving a part of their body is similar to working out in the gym for an hour.

not narcolepsy, reader just doesn't really care and is very lazy to even give two flying fucks to the world

reader doesn't give a shit even if a war breaks out, sleep is life, sleep is important

your genshin characters are always aware that you somehow manage to fall asleep in the middle of the game. well of course, they find it cute

you would play for an hour, then they would hear you yawn, and your soft quiet snores comes next

they love the sounds you create when you sleep, and it also warms their heart to think that you're having a good sleep

it went to the point where aside from building you a statue, they also crafted the most comfortable bed they could ever make. it is created solely for you

so when your imposter descended to your world, they were very happy. they couldn't wait to show you what they have crafted, they also couldn't wait to see how you sleep

it goes without saying that they were slightly disappointed that your imposter didn't really... use the bed they made

like do they even sleep? but their creator loves sleeping right? so why aren't you sleeping?

so when you were first dropped into your own world right infront of your imposter who was seated on a throne, you weren't really shocked. you just hugged your pillow tighter that just mysteriously came with you into this world

even though the archons that you are very familiar with surrounded you, you didn't really give any care

you yawned and made eye contact with each one of the archons, you blinked your sleepy eyes at them to which they reciprocated with a hostile glare

well whatever. though, the ground you are sitting on is very cold! perfect temperature! you suddenly felt sleepy and before Ei can grab you, you laid down on the ground and sleep

after all, sleep is more important, you will just deal with the problems later!

Ei was shocked, very shocked! did you just ignore their presence and continue your sleep!?

oh, but wait, sleep?

oh my archons!

she almost killed their divine creator!

somehow, they already have a feeling that the one sleeping peacefully on the ground is their true divine creator

so who tf is sitting on the throne?

"seize them!" ei commanded to her troops. they all marched inside the palace very loudly, which earned the soldiers a glare from every living archon inside the room

"our divine creator is sleeping, do it quietly!"

"...?" all the soldiers were confused. but their divine creator is clearly awake and is sitting on their throne?

then their gazes all moved to the sleeping person on the ground as if waking them up is considered blasphemy, as if waking them up is the highest sin they can commit and worthy of being beheaded

and so they all quietly yeeted the imposter and quietly watched the archons move their true divine creator to the bed they painstakingly crafted

as soon as your body touched the soft and comfortable material, you let out a satisfied sigh and the whole teyvat rejoiced. they have finally found their true divine creator!

they all listened to your quiet snores and when you woke up hours later, every citizens of teyvat including the abyss celebrated the descension of their true creator.

well, you were too lazy to attend your own banquet so they removed the throne and replaced it with your bed just so you could attend.

a happy creator leads to a happy life!

#imposter sagau #sagau impostor au #sagau x reader #sagau #genshin sagau #genshin impact sagau #sagau brainrot #sagau cult au #sagau fluff #sagau idea #genshin x reader #genshin self aware #self aware genshin #sleepy!reader #lazy!reader #genshin cult au #genshin impact x reader #if reader descended at the time where archon war is still happening #grab the lore and put it on a cheese grater

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sugarandspicewriting · 4 months ago

Note

Hihi!! I saw that you're taking requests? Do you think you could cook up some headcanons for your choice of DC characters with a s/o that really loves to do extravagant makeup? Thank you 🫶

Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl Like Me

Summary: DC characters (Starfire, Wonderwoman, and Jason) react to your extravagant makeup

Warnings: Mentions of people making fun of you

Starfire (Koriand'r)

I imagine there are probably some kind of cosmetic routines on Tamaran, but the standards of beauty are different.

I think she would be interested to see what you do and why. She doesn’t judge how extravagant your makeup is, because her frame reference is skewed. All makeup seems extravagant to her

I do think she’d be horrified by fake lashes at first if that’s something you do.

“What are you doing, my star?”

“I’m putting glue on a fake lash strip to put on my eyes!”

“You… glue fake lashes on your eyes? But you already have eyelashes? How do you get them off?”

“I just rip them off-”

“What?!?”

Seriously we never talk about how crazy fake lashes are.

If you let her, she’d want to watch you do your routine and grill you on what you’re doing and why. It might feel a little weird doing your makeup and she’s just sitting there like :0

Don’t mind her, she just loves you.

Might make you feel bad about how little you know.

“So this liquid goes on your lips? What ingredients are in it? Is it safe to consume?”

Oof. Now I feel stupid.

After careful studying, she’ll ask if she can try

Let her do your makeup for you. A 6 feet tall lady pulling you into her lap and doing your graphic eyeliner under your instruction. Yes. Call me Homotron 3000.

Honestly it might be a little rough the first time but that just gives her an excuse to do it again

She will absolutely defend your makeup if someone comments on it. She considers what you do to be an art worth studying.

Scary dog gf privileges.

WonderWoman (Diana)

Fresh from Themyscira Diana might be similar to Starfire.

They didn’t have makeup, but they probably had morning grooming routines. She would have similar reservations about fake lashes and ingredients.

But if we’re talking about a Diana that has been here a while and is familiar with Earth culture, she’s probably more concerned about your why.

She questions why you do your makeup in this way.

But not in a judgemental way.

“Why is it that you do such exaggerated makeup? It is not how others do it?”

“I like how it looks”

“I see. It is pretty”

And then she’d go back to whatever she was doing.

She would find your makeup amusing.She finds a lot of what humans do amusing.

Like sorry we can’t all be blessed with beauty by the gods. Damn.

She would still defend your choices though.

If someone were to comment on it in a negative way with her around, all she’d have to do is give them a look and they’d stop.

Scary dog gf privileges part 2

Red Hood (Jason Todd)

Scary dog bf privileges but he’s actually going to bite people

Biting is more of a Damian thing but he will defend you.

Feminist king balances the “You look beautiful without makeup” and “I think your makeup is so cool” without being annoying. How does he do it?

He is friends with Artemis and Donna so he’s familiar with most of what you're doing.

He enjoys sitting with you while you do your makeup. His life has been so chaotic that little moments of calm and domesticity mean a lot to him. He might watch you and chat, but he might sit quietly and read a book or check his phone and enjoy the comfortable silence between you.

If you ask nicely he’ll read to you

If someone were to insult you for what you do he would not let that slide.

He’s not going to immediately escalate it to violence; mostly because he doesn’t need to.

He can do that teacher thing where he can just look at someone and they act right.

Because he’s over 6 ft and 200 pounds. It’s giving Bruce energy a little bit but don’t tell him that.

#dc x reader #batfam x reader #jason todd x reader #diana prince x reader #starfire x reader #red hood x reader #wonder woman x reader #dc comics x reader #batboys x reader

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whispereons · 1 year ago

Text

Oracle!Reader Part 21

Masterlist - Part 1, Part 20, Part 22

Warning! This series is SAGAU and Imposter AU so expect gore. Although this chapter focus more on mental distress rather then physical.

There's a soft light that shines in front of you, lulling you to open your eyes. Pure white greets you as you slowly come to your senses.

There's no feeling in your body, but it doesn't worry you. The boundless white space you exist in is comforting. The sky whirls around you as new colors burst into being.

The once blank canvas is now painted a dark sky on your left with stars sparkling like jewels. On your right is the morning sky, bright blue with clouds adorning it delicately.

It's silent but peaceful. Your relaxed conscious is stirred from its slumber by a voice echoing around you.

“Why have you returned?”

It’s commanding, yet graceful. A cold compassion or a warm hostility?

“The deal has been finalized, and your return was never meant to be. No, that's incorrect.” A pensive hum is heard before the voice continues.

“You were meant to return at some point, but… not now, not yet. Teyvat seems to have sped up the process. While that doesn’t break the deal, I certainly won’t tolerate it amicably.”

A darker tone is used at the end of their words, before the gorgeous sky is overcome by dark red blocks. The serenity you feel is replaced by panic. You’re helpless to stop it from taking over everything.

Your vision begins to swarm with the blood-colored familiar blocks. As crimson takes over, the voice finishes their words.

“I won’t let you back so easily.” The last bits of your vision is covered and your lungs wheeze from the pain of the panic-

“Gasp-”

You sit up in the bed as sweat dots your skin, your lungs burn, and your fingers tremble from the grip you have on the covers. Eyes darting around the small room you’re in, your brain is unable to process everything as it spins.

The dream lingers in your mind. The red blocks poke at the edge of your eyes, the voice continues to echo through your mind. Leaning back, you rest your head on the headboard, the cool wood is a relief on your sweaty skin.

Releasing your bruising grip on the blankets, you rest your palms on your chest. You do your best to pay no mind to how your hands shake. Closing your eyes, a breath is inhaled and kept in.

One… That painting like sky, where else could you see something similar?

Two… The voice that spoke about Teyvat and you so casually, as if knowing everything.

Three… A status similar to an Archon, or mage? No, maybe even higher.

Four… Those red blocks have only been seen once before.

Five… You know who it is now.

The breath is exhaled, and your eyes flutter open at your revelation. Not like she was meaning to hide it. In fact, you could be certain that she wanted you to know that she was Celestia.

Sunlight begins to stream past the edges of the curtain, the wooden floor is cold against your bare feet as you get off the bed. Yanking the curtains and opening the window, you’re greeted with the sun barely peeking out and dew still present on the greenery.

The thought of how early you’ve been forced awake already sours your mood further.

It’s not anytime near 9 am, you would be lucky if it was half past 7 am. Sighing, you flop back onto the bed and reach for that connection between you and Teyvat.

‘Did you see that dream?’ You ask as you stare out the window from your spot. Silence envelops the room as you wait patiently. The soft beating of wings comes from the window, a Geo Crystalfly glides into the room before resting on the bedding next to you.

‘I’ll take that as a yes. What deal did Celestia make that involves me? What part did you play in speeding up my migration to this world?’ Staring firmly at the Crystalfly you remain in your spot.

The amber wings pause and the rocky outline stick together, keeping the wings closed. The crystal exterior body offers no answer to your expectant eyes.

‘Why won’t you respond now? You’re not Zhongli who is obligated to abide by a contract. Am I not your god?’ A bubble of frustration rises at the continued silence. The Crystalfly lowers itself further against the sheets, as if bowing to you.

But you didn’t want a useless bow. You wanted answers.

‘This situation fundamentally involves me. You, or Celestia, or whoever else is in this mess brought me here. And now I’m stuck acting out this stupid Oracle role and I can’t even get a single answer as to why?’

More Geo Crystalflies enter the room, all of them perch on the bed and mimic the bowing gesture. As if that useless, passive action could subdue your ire.

‘I’ve spent every day in this damn world fighting for my life! I just barely recovered from the brink of death! And yet when I ask about this strange situation and suspicious behavior, I get no response? NOT EVEN AN INDIRECT ONE?!’

Maybe it was all the stress you’ve been under, or the pain that still lingers in your body. Some would even say it was all the emotional hurt you’ve felt at having all the characters you treasured dearly treat you like this. But you couldn’t stop yourself from raising your hand in anger, rapidly coming down on the quivering Crystalflies that just refused to move-

Clink!

Your hand is abruptly stopped by the sound of metal hitting the table. You tore your eyes away from the Crystalflies to land on a weasel sitting on the table, a single mora lays at it’s feet.

Recognizing it vaguely as the weasel thief or mora weasels that treasure hoarders train, you stare at it unimpressed. It comes closer to you as the Crystalflies gently flap away to form a path. Beady eyes stare up at you pleadingly as the backpack on it jingles with all the mora inside.

Fingers unbuckling the straps, you remove the backpack and peer into the bag. The brown bag must only hold about 500 Mora, but mora is still mora, and you empty it into your bag. Once finished, you turn back to the Crystalflies ready to intimidate and interrogate more. You only refrain when the scurrying of multiple feet catches your attention.

What has to be at least 10 weasel thieves climbing through the open window, all carrying bags stuffed to the brim. Some hold 750 Mora, while others hold 1,000. Each time you unclip the bag and pour the mora into your bag. And each time you turn towards the Crystalflies, more weasels come through.

“Alright, alright, I get it.” You groan aloud as you ignore the assortment of weasels in the room, choosing to instead sit on the bed. The Crystalflies return to the bowing position as you gaze down at them with an unreadable expression.

Carefully, you scoop up the first Crystalfly that arrived into your hands, guilt of what you had almost done wraps around your heart like a vice.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to hit you. Although this whole gatekeeping vital information is annoying, you’ve been nothing but helpful to me. Besides, you may be keeping quiet due to a threat of some sort that the divulging of information could pose.’

You could hear the sounds of the weasels returning with more and more gifts. No doubt a way for Teyvat to show its gratitude to your ‘mercy’. With pursed lips, you ignore the actions and speak to Teyvat gently.

‘I’m afraid, Teyvat. Afraid that Celestia will take drastic measures to keep me from ‘returning’ or whatever. I’m 99% that Celestia is the one who disabled my teleporting feature and why I was only able to telepathically teleport those few times. For all I know, it could be a permanent disability. I don’t want to be limited more than I already am. If it goes too far, then I may even lose those things that proved me as an Oracle. And if that happens…’

Trailing off, you close your eyes and let out a bitter sigh. Setting the Geo Crystalfly back down, its amber wings fluttering in response, you turn to the weasels. Bags of mora, jewelry, wild fruit and small gemstones are beginning to fill up the table.

Opening the flap of your bag, you point at it and then at the table. “I want you guys to put all of that into my bag. If you have bags for me to open for you, bring them to me.”

A resounding trill is heard from them before the horde of Crystalflies flew out of the window. Deciding to leave the window open, you grab the letters and gifts from your previous visitors and bring them onto the bed.

The pitter-patter of the weasels feet and occasional flap of the Geo Crystalflies wing is heard in the background as you prepare for the day. Exiting the room and crossing the silent halls, you get to what has to be the bathroom and finish your morning routine.

The shower you take was the perfect opportunity to examine how your body is after all the healing. The bandages are removed and disposed of as you look into the foggy mirror.

Small scars in the shape of slits are seen on your body, Yelan’s arrows were no joke. The ice from Shenhe’s attacks left lighter toned patches on your calves too. Minor bruises and cuts were still healing up, but the small sting from the water didn’t bother you. If anything, it was the jagged and uneven scars along your spine that brought your mood down.

You were lucky that your broken spine didn’t cut into your spinal cord and paralyze you…

Changing into clean clothes and wrapping some new bandages, you do it all with a sense of apathy. Wouldn’t the thought of nearly being paralyzed have more of an effect? Yet when you thought of it, you could only imagine a sense of relief…

Looking back at the now clear mirror, you reach up for your mask. The battered mask is slipped off and placed on the counter. Familiar eyes stare back, and a grimace plays on your lips.

A purple bruise makes itself known on your temple, and poorly cared for skin muddles your features. The bridge of your nose, the eyes that crinkle at your attempt of a smile, even the way your full face comes together is so-

Foreign.

It’s not yours, not anymore.

It’s the Creators. The God that everyone worships as the one and only bearer of gold blood and highest form of authority.

Y/N does not have a face.

You have a title and a mask to be known by. A manner of speaking that leaves all to be swindled and led by without a true clue as to what goes on.

Licking your cracked lips, you adorn the mask once more and return to the room. Both the weasels and Crystalflies have already left, leaving it bare of activity. Closing the bag absentmindedly, you grab the medication bottles left on your bedside table.

Following the instructions Baizhu told you last night, you drink the medication as prescribed and gag at the taste. Setting all the medication aside, you sit down on the bed again and stare at the pile on the bed.

The letters and gifts from everyone that tried to visit are quickly sorted into two piles. You dig into the designated gift pile first.

A small box is opened to reveal a pair of armored fingerless gloves. It’s not super hard to guess your size, but they fit perfectly. The second and cuter box is opened with a delicious scent imprinting its first impression.

No one else could make food that smells this good except for Xiangling. Taking advantage of the early hours AKA no Baizhu, you wolf down the meal without properly admiring it. The spicy dish won’t do your still sensitive stomach any favors, but at least you enjoyed it.

A folded up paper is the next gift. Unraveling it shows a crude drawing of a brown haired girl with a pink flower, a tall man with glasses, a boy with a color palette you barely remember and a masked figure that had to be you.

Yiran, the little girl that you saved, had to be the one who drew this. That’s who must have spread the word and why Baizhu asked you to be lenient. Only her father, Kuan, could afford to bring her here.

The uneven letters spelling ‘My Heroes!’ at the bottom of the drawing made you smile a little. It was good that she was not only healed enough, but also happy enough to draw this for you.

The boy next to her in the drawing brought a sadder feeling. You didn’t remember him, but you did remember his mother. Her gaunt face and pale complexion came to mind as you pocketed the drawing. You weren’t sure if you could handle facing her.

The next gift evoked a stronger sense of despair as a patchy pouch was opened to show various knick-knacks. Pretty rocks, a tin with a string, shiny coins and worn out dice. You were familiar with the nature of these objects.

Most would see it as trash, but you knew it to be toys that were just as much, if not more fun, than the toys found in shops. Bored kids with nothing to do and nothing to use will find ways to entertain themselves, and being impoverished only fuels their creativity.

Trying to push away those nostalgic melancholic feelings, you open the last gift. A simple string necklace with a dark blue stone hanging from it laid in the box. The icy blue engraved symbol on it reminded you of Chongyun.

After disposing the trash, you put the drawing and the pouch into your bag. You reached for the letters next and opened the first one that you touched.

It was from Kuan, not unexpected, but you were interested in seeing what he had to say. What part he played in your identity getting spread around.

Most of it was profuse thanks for your completion of the commission and that the Adventurers Guild had the payment. Then it was how once Yiran had woken up, she had sneaked into the room when Baizhu was working and saw you.

Apparently she hadn’t been able to heal properly and was stuck on bed rest due to her grief. The kidnapping, death of her friend and finding out that you were going to be punished by the Adepti from the other kids created a mental block preventing her from healing.

But after seeing you and that you were still alive, her pain was eased enough that she was able to finally recover. You felt bad that she was sick all this time while you were being chased down, but she’s better now. And that’s all that mattered.

The next letter was actually from Kazuha. It detailed the sights that he had seen during his exploration of the Lisha area. It quickly turned into how panicked he felt when the wind pushed him to return to Liyue Harbor. The agonizing pain he felt over the rumors of a masked person being rushed into Bubu’s Pharmacy.

As no visitors were allowed, he went to Beidou and relayed the news. She had already finished her business and was preparing to leave. So he left you this letter and the armored gloves from Beidou.

Folding up the letter with the red and orange patterned leaf, you put it back into your bag. A knock on the door caught your attention before it opened slightly to show Qiqi.

“Oh, you’re awake.” She stands at the door frame until you nod, allowing her inside. She ambles inside with a cart of food and medicine. “Please take your medicine with the tea and eat the breakfast.”

She leaves just as quick as she came. As you weren’t starving after Xianglings meal, you took your time with breakfast. The medicine even with the tea tasted pretty bad.

Grabbing the next letter, a faint scent of food lingers on it, letting you know who sent it. Xiangling’s letter was small enough to be confused for a note, but it still easily conveyed her wreck of emotions. It ended with her mourning the fact that she couldn’t visit after dropping off the letter due to a rematch with a Monstadter that she scheduled long in advance.

A letter with a fancy wax seal was next. Opening it, you found the most horrendous handwriting you’ve ever seen. No matter how many times you rubbed your fingers on it, hoping that Tevyat could translate the mess of a letter, it just wouldn’t get any better.

The most you could make out was that Xingqui and Chongyun tried to visit but were denied. That the amulet was a gift from Chongyun that had a spell to protect you from evil spirits. And finally, that they're going to visit sometime today.

Didn’t Xingqui have some connection with Albedo? That would be an easy way to be innocently introduced into Mondstadt.

The next one thankfully did have eligible handwriting, it was a mix of bold letters and graceful strokes. Yun Jin and Xinyan both came to visit, but only Yun Jin would have time to come today.

The thought of having to entertain all these guests with Baizhu still waiting on the explanation of your Oracle status was not improving your desire to just vanish from Liyue. You forgot how tiring it was to constantly string up webs of lies that make up a cohesive story. It was like being constantly at work with the threat of danger on a brand-new level.

That letter is quickly dismissed and you grab the final letter. The paper is stained, and the edges are worn, opening it a strange set of words are found inside it.

“Hello, do you remember me?”

Frowning, you continue to read it as you search through your memories. The words make little sense until you come across a line that summons a wave of needless guilt.

“Those children enjoyed choosing those gifts for you. They remind me of my son.”

You don’t really want to finish this letter anymore.

Despite your internal feelings, you continue to skim through the letter. It touches on how they’re all adjusting to life back on the streets.

How the kids work together more but wail even louder in the night. The people that curse them out for coming back, the few items they had left swept away by the government as ‘trash’. The empty and hollow feeling she carries now that her son is gone.

She wished that she had given him up at birth like she was advised. That maybe at least then he would still be alive.

She mentions her son at least once every line into the letter.

It’s only when you see the curves of the ink spelling out his name that you scrunch up the paper. The paper crinkles as your teeth grit together, the sounds perfectly in tune with each other.

The anger is confusing. You don’t know the kid, so why should you feel guilty? Why should you feel guilty that she chose to share her anguish with you? Why does the thought of being even more aware of that boy make your heart race?

Slowly, you open the now wrinkled and slightly torn paper and skip straight to the bottom.

“I know you probably don’t care. You never promised me that you could save him or deliver him alive to me. But it’s easier to share these feelings with someone separated from this situation than the people who are already suffering with me.”

“I should take these feelings to the Creator and beg for some relief from my pain, yet I can’t even muster the strength to care for the tongue I ripped out in my mourning. How could I possibly keep this pain to me and the Creator alone? Don’t fret about helping me. I leave that all up to our God.”

That end soothes your racing heart and warped feelings, it’s clear to you now.

You’re beginning to feel the guilt from being their God but unable to actually help with anything. Celestia somehow limited you, none of your acolytes would ever believe you to be the Creator, and the powers you do have access to now are useless.

Was it your fault? Could you have been faster and given that boy some food to have saved him? Can you speak to some form of authority and have them help those victims?

Mindlessly, you begin to tear up the letter. It’s therapeutic to watch the scraps fall onto the tray. Each ink stained paper is ripped with shaking fingers, almost like you’re ripping apart the physical manifestation of your guilt.

It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.

You’re not their God, you’re just the Oracle.

The truth doesn’t matter now. If this world can’t accept you wholeheartedly as the human you are, then why should you work to be seen as the God they cherish so much?

As if on cue, ruby droplets fall onto the worn shredded paper on the tray from the paper cuts you gained from your actions. The new gloves you got from Beidou are threatened to be stained as the red begins to trail down, but you quickly swipe it away.

Cursing yourself internally over the mess you made, you fumble with the drawer next to you for some bandages, not even hearing the repeated knocking on the door. It’s only when it’s opened and the pitter-patter of steps nearing you make you look toward it.

Cold, small fingers wrap around your own as magenta eyes stare up at you past the talisman hanging down from her hat.

“What happened?” Qiqi drawls, her signature zombie-like tone makes shame bubble up within you. Hanging your head, you don’t respond as you avoid her eyes.

You don’t feel normal.

-------------------------

The pharmacy is noisy as people frequently pass by the door to your room. Humming a catchy tune, you drum your fingers on the window sill as you watch outside the window. You imagine the wood of the sill must be cool, but you can’t tell under the bandages wrapped around your fingers.

Baizhu had visited you not too long ago to check on your leftover wounds and apply the topical medication. The cool moisture of the herbal medicine cooled down your body and prevented your apparent fever from worsening.

The room is clean aside from the bag you have left sitting on the bed with your belongings safely tucked away.

A small bag lies inside with the bloodied paper remains sitting inside it. You still aren’t sure if you were better off keeping it or throwing away. The series of knocks on your door bring your attention away from the scenery outside the window.

Staring for a second to be sure if you heard correctly, softer rapping follows up.

“Come in.” You call out before moving closer to the middle of the room. It swings open to show a girl with a shiny pink flower hairpin and a tall man wearing glasses. The smile on Kuan’s face is such a stark difference to the dark circles and sullen expression he wore when you first met him.

Yiran has bright eyes and a smile that could rival match the sun. Propufse thanks leave them both as Yiran keeps her fingers wrapped tight around her father’s. She’s still pale and clings to her father's hand when he moves to give you a handshake, but you gracefully ignore it.

“-Oh, and I’m so sorry that you’re being talked about by so many people. I really didn’t expect it to spread so far when I let her tell those other children that you saved that you were alive and recovering.” He looks kindly down at Yiran before gently urging her. “You too, Yiran, you have to apologize.”

Her eyes droop a little, but she still bows her head slightly as she apologizes. “I’m sorry, I just wanted my friends to know you were okay.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Thank you for the drawing.” You smile at them with ease and maintain small talk with them both a while longer before they leave. The door swings close, and your expression flattens at the same time.

Turning back to the window, you sit again and stare outside. The fluffy white clouds roll past in the blue sky as you allow your mind to go quiet. You just want a brief reprise from the stress you’ve been under all this time.

Time to just exist without having to worry about proving why you deserve to live in this world or your old one. Especially with Ningguang and your travel to the next region so close.

Maybe you took a nap or just dozed off, but the strum of a guitar brought your hazy mind back to awareness. Lifting your head from your arms crossed on the windowsill you see Xinyan taking steps two at a time as she runs from Millelith soldiers.

She quickly jumps off the top step onto the concrete so far below as she continues to play her guitar. It’s impressive, but you can’t help but be irked that soldiers had enough time to chase Xinyan but not help find kidnapped children.

That spiral of thoughts is interrupted as Yun Jin walks up the same set of stairs to Bubu Pharmacy as the soldiers disappear deeper into the city. Outwardly, she’s perfectly maintained, but the slight fidget of her fingers are like a warning sign.

The first and last time you spoke to her was the day of her ‘Lonely Chameleon’ performance that you vaguely recall had her promising to clear up the misunderstanding with Keqing.

What a bunch of good that did.

Yun Jin leaves your sight as she enters the building, and you move away from the window to crack the door open. Sitting on the foot of the bed, you patiently wait for Yun Jin to arrive. The biggest thing you relied on her about was her conversation with Keqing. So at least the situation with the Liyue Qixing can’t get any worse.

A polite knock sounds on the door before you call her in. Yun Jin steps in and closes the door behind her with a graceful smile that you return pleasantly.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you Y/N. I’m unsure if you read the letter but Xinyan and I were incredibly worried. Are you feeling any better?”

It’s not small talk, she’s genuinely concerned, but you have to force the undeserved annoyance down. “I’m feeling way better, and I’m basically almost back to normal. I’ll be discharged today, so don’t worry. Thank you for your concern.” God, you haven’t felt this fake in a while.

Yun Jin walks closer before stopping in front of you, polite as she is, she's not going to ask for a seat so you pat the spot on the bed next to you. Small talk is needlessly exchanged for a few more minutes, but you’re beginning to feel antsy from being stuck in your worry over how Keqing reacted.

“What performance did you do the day after we met? I remember you mentioning how you would speak to Keqing on my behalf after that play.” There it goes again, her fingers twitch before she tightly clasp them together on her lap.

“The performance went well. Thankfully nothing like the Geovishap hatchling accident happened so it wasn’t as stressful. I-I did get to talk to the Yuheng, but I’m afraid she didn’t put much trust into my words.” Just as you thought.

Her eyes squint slightly as she stares down at her lap, the little tremble of her lips and crack in her manners surprises you. You didn’t think she would feel this guilty over it.

“The questions she asked me about how or even just proof of your oracle status were troublesome to say the least. I genuinely didn’t have an answer for most of them and the ones I did weren’t very in-depth. I apologize Y/N.”

Placing your hand on her shoulder, your head shakes softly to deny her words. “Don’t worry about it, Yun Jin. I have a chance to personally refute some of the suspicions on me today. Thank you for at least trying, I just have one question.”

A part of you feels bad that you’re unintentionally displaying your frustrations on Yun Jin but not enough to stop you from asking your question. Her shoulders tense under your hand, and her face freezes when she hears your question.

“Did all those questions make you question whether I’m actually the Creator’s oracle?”

You can only force your lips into a smile that threatens to dissolve into a scowl with every fiber of your self-control at her body's reaction.

----------------------

It’s disappointing, you think to yourself, as Yun Jin basically flees the room. The excuses she gave you and topic changes she tried to pull were pathetic, but you weren’t surprised considering how you went straight for the throat.

Yun Jin was a beast when it came to stage affairs and directing in arts, but there’s little to nothing she has to counter your precise attack. In a way, it’s smart for her to run rather then stand her ground and try to answer.

Standing up, you stretch your body, enjoying the absence of pain. The sly grin you wear is so much more comfortable than the bitter frown you’ve worn these past few days. Yun Jin was simply a good warm up, a nice way to get back into the ‘Oracle’ headspace you’ve developed.

It didn’t matter if you were their God or the Oracle.

Money, shelter, food, and a sense of security were all you needed in life. That is what you’ve focused on to survive all these years, and Teyvat will be no different. If playing along to the cult’s belief of the Creator being the Almighty guarantees your survival, then you’ll happily do so and benefit from their obsession.

Smiling with renewed vigor, you relax on the bed as the sound of footsteps came closer. The hissing of a snake and the muffled words of a man could be heard steadily arriving.

If Yun Jin was a warm-up then Baizhu was your practice. Tonight you had to face Ningguang and that required all your skills to be in top shape lest you end up being killed by her hands.

The door swings open without warning as yellow snake eyes and fushia eyes meet your own eyes hidden beneath your mask. Smiling without a care, you call out to the contracted partners.

“Nice to see you again so soon Dr. Baizhu and it’s nice to meet you Changsheng. You’re here for the scar tissue sample and to ask some questions about my background, right? Come in! Just be sure to close the door behind you…”

Still alive, surprisingly… It's hard to believe that my last update on this story was Nov 14. If you want to hear my excuses as to why it takes long, it basically boils down to school, sick, holiday, and family lol. Plus money but when is it done a problem? But I came back and was working on it very slowly throughout all this time! The next update will take long too as finals are till the 22nd. And then the next semester on the 17(?) of Jan so yeah, little to no break. Thanks to my editor who got it done quite fast which is why the chapter is up now, Sunday night or rather early Monday. I hope it gives you all a good start to the week. To actually talk about about the story, I gotta say that it's longer then I thought. There's still a few leftover tasks to complete before Y/N can truly leave. As well as a hint to the overarching threat now that we got this Celestia hint. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and the series! If your name is in italics that means I couldn't tag you for whatever reason. If you are missing from the taglist and I didn't respond to your comment or ask to be added to the taglist, leave a comment here so I can check it. Taglist: Open as always!

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star-writr · 1 year ago

Text

The Music Room

Another 10th Doctor x reader drabble. Requests are appreciated. You can also find this on my Ao3. Reader is gn and plays guitar. Enjoy!!

You had always been the TARDIS's favourite companion. Every-so-often, the spaceship would make a whirring noise in your presence, and if the Doctor was around he would smile and tell you: "she says you're the best person I've ever brought on board". It always made you chuckle and stroke the control panel in an attempt to return the flattery, which made the Time Lord either sarcastically ask if you two wanted to be alone, or look at you quietly with a gleam in his eye before suddenly announcing your next adventure.

As if that wasn't enough to make you see that the TARDIS had a weak spot for you, she would always find ways of comforting you when something was wrong; before you could even sigh with exasperation, you'd be distracted from your troubles by a familiar smell of blackberry pie, or by your favourite song playing faintly on a radio somewhere, or by a book dropping next to you on the cold pavement from god-knows-where.

In a similar occasion, returning in the TARDIS after almost dying as usual, the ship's hallway lighting threw you off a bit. You were just trying to reach your room, only wanting to collapse on the bed, but it was almost as if she didn't want you to, leading you in a different direction. The blinking light bulbs guided you until reaching a door; it looked exactly the same as all the others, so at first you couldn't understand what made it so special that the TARDIS wanted you to find it. As soon as you saw what was inside, however, everything else slipped off your mind.

It was a room full of instruments. There was a huge piano between some marble columns, resting on a glass pedestal; a drum set occupied a nearby corner; and, shifting your vision, you were greeted by the biggest guitar and bass collection you had ever laid eyes on. Every last one of them looked like it had been taken straight out of your dreams and into that room.

Since then, you had found yourself visiting that paradise every time you had the chance. You already knew how to play a guitar, so you usually handled those, shifting between different models. There were brands you had heard of and brands you didn't recognise, and they came in every possible colour imaginable. You were fond of all of them, especially the more extravagant ones with unusual shapes.

The Doctor was aware of how you spent most of your time on the TARDIS, and didn't have anything against it. You wouldn't lock the door or anything, so everytime the Time Lord wanted to check up on you, you'd let him. Sometimes he'd linger in the room, sit down on the floor while you attempted to read a music sheet, or he would suggest you played something so he could sing it. The Doctor wasn't very fond of or very good at singing, but it gave him an excuse to stay with you a little longer, and that was enough for him. On very rare occasions, he would also ask you to tutor him. Of course, he had picked up many guitars in his 900+ years of life, and knew perfectly well how to play, but again, he wanted to spend time with you without admitting it was for no reason other than his fondness of you. Honestly, his hearts melted every time your fingers stroke those strings, making him helplessly realize that he couldn't get away, and that he didn't want to. Therefore, he obliged to his feelings, staying by your side as long as possible. And you were more than okay with it.

With time, your bond grew stronger, making you question your feelings again and again. The music room kept almost all of your attention on each other, so to avoid feeling helpless your ritual started to take place in complete silence. Aside from monosyllabic replies to monosyllabic questions, you and the Doctor didn't talk as much as before, but it went without acknowledging, growing on you both. That habit came to a halt when the TARDIS made the first move instead of either of her passengers, tired of the mutual pining and determined to fill the silence that had grown inside the room. After all, it was a music room. It wasn't meant to be quiet.

She made sure it didn't go silent ever again by doing the only thing she could, which was locking both of you in. As soon as you realized the door wouldn't open, it startled you.

"What if there's something wrong with the TARDIS, Doctor?" you worried, while he tried to get the door open with his sonic.

The alien sighed. "The only thing wrong here is her attitude," he mumbled, "she's doing this deliberately. Let us out!"

You were confused. "How do you know? Why would she do that?"

The Doctor stopped in his tracks, putting one index finger on your lips, shushing you, and the other on his own. The TARDIS was speaking to him. A few expressions made their way onto his face, substituting each other and, once the spaceship's whirrs quieted down, shifting into a frown. The first thing he did was thank the stars that you couldn't understand the TARDIS. The second thing he did was curse everything because you didn't understand the TARDIS and he had to tell you everything himself.

"What happened? What did she say?" you whispered, his finger still on your lips. He removed it quickly and took one good look at your unaware expression.

The Doctor acknowledged the knot in his stomach and looked away, unable to keep eye contact with you. You were gorgeous to him, too gorgeous to ignore. It would've made him stutter, and he hated stuttering.

"There may or may not be something you need to know" he started.

"About what?"

"About..." about how much I want to kiss you, the Doctor thought. "...about me."

You raised an eyebrow. "And what about the TARDIS?"

"She locked us in here because she's giving me no choice but to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"The thing. About me. The thing you don't know."

"Yes, I know that. But what is it, then?"

It was one of the very rare times when the Doctor genuinely did not know what words to use, which was worrying considering how much the Doctor liked words. He got out of life threatening situations with words. He also got into those same life threatening situations with words. He liked words, he really did. He also liked you. Considering he liked both you and words, the realization of not knowing what words to use with you was like a slap on the cheek. Specifically, it was exactly like one of those slaps only mothers gave him. Specifically his companions' mothers. He remembered Martha Jones and her mother. He also remembered Donna, but not her mother, because it was Donna herself who slapped him a couple times. Maybe more that a couple. She would've probably slapped him now. "Tell them, you twat!" she would've shouted. It would have been very effective. It would've certainly got him to say something, anything, even "ouch", which would've been better than standing completely still like he was doing now. A slap, that's what he needed. "I'm a genius", he thought. Then he slapped himself.

"Doctor!" you exclaimed.

"Sorry," he apologized, "I needed that. Sorry."

You took his hands in yours. "Are you alright? Is it something bad? Do you have to tell me something bad?"

"No. Well, it depends."

You kept looking in his eyes, insistent and a bit curious.

The Doctor held his breath. "Look, the thing is I'm usually good with words. What I'm not good at is speeches. I hate speeches. Especially heat-felt speeches. I like listening to speeches, but I don't like when they come from my mouth, because before they get to my mouth they go through my brain, and my brain is too messy to actually figure out a speech without screwing it up and changing the subject too many times. And now I have to give you a speech."

You smiled, a bit amused. "And, in a few words, what is this speech about?"

"Uhm. Well. I can think of a couple things." The Doctor looked away.

"Such as?"

"Such as the fact that I want to kiss you. And go out with you."

You smiled, surprised. "On a date?"

"Yeah, sure. I just need to figure out the speech first."

"The speech to ask me out on a date?"

"Yes. I just need a second."

"Go right ahead. I'll wait."

He smiled. "Thanks."

The Doctor spent more than a second with his thinking face on. Then, he realized what he just said, and looked at you with his eyebrows raised and his lips parting without making a sound. You laughed, hugging him. It didn't take long to hug you back.

"I'll go on a date with you, Doctor" you said, kissing him on the cheek and causing him to blush. "However many dates you want."

"No speech needed?" he asked, smirking.

"No speech needed" you replied.

#doctor who #10th doctor x reader #david tennant #10th doctor #10th doctor imagine #doctor who x reader #x reader #gn reader #drabble

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shiraishi-kanade · 8 months ago

Text

An Shiraishi is always trying to be someone else: a short and messy analysis on how Vivid Street (unintentionally) messed her up

You know, I kind of have my own issues with the "Wishing to the Blue Sky for Your Happiness!" event, but a lot of my criticism of it boiled down to "huh, it's kind of weird how they gave An this insecurity out of nowhere, she didn't struggle with being herself before. Seems to be a reach just so Shizuku could have a role."

But that was before the Vivid Old Tale, and boy I'll admit I was very wrong.

The relationship between An and Nagi are... Very interesting, to say the least.

But there's no doubt that An absolutely idolizes Nagi. Sure, there's been this line about An always wanting to he a musical like her father, but we also know that for the most part, it was Nagi who taught her to sing, as well as Nagi who acted as An's mentor figure in a more emotional way.

In a way, An won the lottery. She was born into a family that loves her, into a community thay loves her, and just so happened to be talented and passionate about something that community values most. However, that talent has left her little to no space to actually... See herself as someone outside of it.

Now, none of this is actually necessarily negative by default. Having high expectations to one's children isn't necessarily bad either; with the right approach, it can make them grow and want to grow. We've also seen this happen with Touya in his childhood, which us another neat parallel.

But, unlike Touya, An has been very comfortable in her role, precisely because of her talent and being able to reach the very high bar raised for her. That comfort just... never made her reach out to something other than the place and the future she was already familiar with, because she never needed to. She was Ken's daughter and she was talented and everyone in town loved her and she promised to be the better than her dad and everyone took her seriously. What else could she possibly need?

In a way, An had her dole cut out to her before she was even born.

And then there's Nagi.

Yes, Nagi is An's role model. But there's more to that than just An looking up to her.

More than just being taught by her, An actually picks up Nagi's mannerisms, forms or speech, and even moral values (pretty much the entire point of Vivid Old Tale).

An saw, too, how much Nagi meant for the people of Vivid Street. She wanted to mean as much for them, too; rather, she already did mean as much, but she needed to be someone to justify being loved. It's not necessarily a conscious thought process but more of a subtle one: if you notice your community loves some traits of you more than the others, or values some aspects of you more, you start to lean more and more into them in order to fit in and be accepted.

For An, those particular traits were being talented, being Ken's daughter, but also... Being very similar to Nagi.

Them acting "like sisters" has been highlighted over

and over

and over again, even by people unfamiliar with Nagi, well into An's teenage years.

And it's not exactly... A complete coincidence on everyone's part. At one point, Nagi openly states she wants An to be like her, to be able to see things from the same perspective. At least to some extent, some of the actions Nagi takes to make that happen are completely deliberate.

So An tries to be like Nagi. This is both a conscious effort on her part and something that just... Is sort of a hidden force that shapes her into who she is. If you watch Nagi and compare even the way she talks with people of the town to the more mature, somewhat-grown up but not quite there yet An we have today... There's so many similarities it's uncanny. An is still much more hot-headed and impulsive, but that caring, considerate side of her shines through even more than before.

An doesn't try to deny or hide that, too. In fact, she's actually pretty proud of it.

(Whether Ken lied to her to make her feel better or if that expression was just a reaction to being reminded of Nagi passing away & the masquerade that followed after that, we'll never know.)

But here's the kicker: there's so much of Nagi in An it's hard to pinpoint where Nagi-san's traits end and An's own personality begins, if it even does. Because of how early has everyone decided on An's future, and because An never did anything to even hint at wanting to do something different (which she didn't! Sometimes people want to continue their family's legacy and that's completely normal and fine - again, she just got really lucky, both with her talent and supportive surroundings), An subconsciously kind of accepted that being like Nagi is... Just who she is.

That comes with taking on Nagi's part in the community, too. In the same way Nagi took care of everyone in town by helping them out at events, so too, does An - just to a much lesser extent, by going out of her way to keep in touch with everyone, going to events, and helping at a cafe, too.

But An doesn't purposely mold or change her personality to be like her role model, too. This is important: An doesn't wear a mask because she doesn't need to. In her mind, she already is like Nagi, or at least, she's on track to be, without doing particularly anything different. Because they're just so similar they're so close and practically behave like sisters, and because An grew up singing in the town exactly like Nagi did, and because she loves the town just like Nagi did - what else could An possibly need to do except get better at singing and get more grown up?

You know, to reach that mature and down-to-earth side of Nagi that we often see in the past?

That side?

Yeah.

Now the Shizuan event's conflict isn't so out of place, is it?

But anyway, back to the point.

Because of Nagi wording things the way she does and because of people on Vivid Street making such a point of their similarities, An naturally assumed she would eventually become like Nagi. This is why, even aside from Kohane's improvement, aside An's abandonment issues, Kick It Up a Notch is a giant slap to the face for An, as well as her wake-up call.

Kohane taking on Nagi's mantle before An was able to, or potentially ever could, isn't just about singing - it's an attempt at An's entire sense of self, just as well as her place in the world, and on the smaller sense, her hometown, too.

Because if An is not Nagi, she doesn't belong.

Because An never knew how to do anything but sing. Because becoming like her family, like Nagi, was the only option she ever imagined for herself ever since she was a child.

And if An is not Nagi, then who the hell is she?

[this post was very much inspired by @the-one-that-weeps 's An analysis post, who kind of put this much more eloquently than I could! Go check them out.

All translated lines that aren't taken from the wiki transcripts are by lozybug on YouTube!]

#jay rambles.txt #jay's character analysis #project sekai #prsk #an shiraishi #vivid bad squad #i spent like a solid 3 hours writing this

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moonstruckme · 9 months ago

Note

hi!

can i request tasm!peter meeting reader after having to do long distance?

if not thats okay! love your writing:)

have a great day<3

Thanks lovely, hope you have a great day as well!

Peter Parker x fem!reader ♡ 683 words

You don’t just give out copies of the key to your apartment, so when the front door opens you think you’re about to be shot.

Breath caught in your throat, you freeze in the hallway and say the first deterrent that comes to mind. “I’ve got a gun!”

The laughter that responds is as familiar as it is cheeky. “No, you don’t,” Peter says.

“Jesus.” Your heart starts again, and in that split second your feet are already moving.

Peter opens his arms as you throw yourself at him, taking your weight happily. “Nope, just me,” he quips, his harsh grip at odds with the levity of his voice.

“Still a bad joke.” Your own voice is thick with fondness. You press your face into his neck, getting your boyfriend as close as you can. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here.” He gives your upper back an excited squeeze. “You miss me?”

“Not even,” you mumble into his shoulder. You go ahead and wrap your legs around his waist, and Peter chuckles, starting to walk the both of you towards your couch. “You scared the shit out of me, you know.”

“Yeah, maybe not my best plan.” He collapses downward, and you fold yourself around him more completely, getting comfortable in his lap. You think you’ll just never leave, honestly. “I thought the surprise would be more fun than scary.”

“I could’ve met you at the airport.”

“May would’ve killed me.” He palms the back of your neck, lips finding your hairline. “She wanted to pick me up herself, but she’s letting you have me for dinner. I have to be back by ten.”

You let out a petulant whine. “Why does she get to decide?”

You adore Peter’s aunt and he knows it, but when you’re having to battle her for custody of your boyfriend all that love goes right out the window.

“I know,” Peter commiserates. “You’d think after a semester of taking care of myself in another country, I’d be allowed to stay out until at least eleven.”

You hum, vacating your spot in the juncture of his neck in favor of seeing his face. You pet down the cowlick at the crown of his head, and Peter catches your hand, kissing your palm. A warm thrumming starts up in your chest. It’s similar to the sensation you’d gotten during your evening calls while Peter was abroad (well, your evening, his late night), but more. Better. You’ve missed feeling it like this.

“How was Hertfordshire?” you ask.

Peter gives you a look like you’re being silly. “I told you already.”

“It’s different in person.”

He smiles, thinking. “Small. Grassy. Cute, but not much to swing off of.” There’d been no vigilante work while Peter did his research abroad. He talked like it was a welcome break, but you could tell he missed it. Something changes in his look, eyes going soft and flirty. “No pretty girls.”

You bite back a smile. “Let’s not do the women of Hertfordshire a disservice,” you chide.

“Fine.” Peter rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “None of my pretty girl.”

He lifts his chin and you oblige him, touching your lips to his. It’s a kiss months in the making, and it heats quicker than either of you are expecting. Your heart thunders and throbs to the point of aching. You shuffle closer in Peter’s lap and his hand presses into the small of your back, both of your breathing turning harsh and desperate.

“Missed you,” he says into your mouth.

“I missed you more.”

“Wanna bet?” Peter lifts you off the couch, and his casual strength shouldn’t surprise you anymore but it does. You laugh, again wrapping your legs around his waist.

“Shouldn’t we start to think about dinner?” you ask as he carries you towards your bedroom.

He hums, reluctant. “What time is it?”

You look to the side to check the clock on your microwave, and he kisses your cheekbone while you do. “Almost seven.”

Peter hums against your skin, pressing another kiss to the side of your nose. “We’ve got time.”

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idkwhatever580 · 7 months ago

Text

More than you’ll ever know

[{pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader}]

{prompt- Natasha comes home from a long mission to find y/n curled up in her hoodie.}

(she/her pronouns I might use they/them in the mix as well. Just whatever I write lol)

[|warnings~ cursing probably. Tad bit of angst not a lot but lots of fluff|]

An; I actually hope this turns out good bc idk what to do if y’all hate it. It’s probably gonna be cringey but I live for that anyways sooo hope y’all enjoy!

————————————————————————————————————————

Nobody’s pov?

Natasha walks into her room and sets her duffel bag down on the floor with a sigh. She immediately looks around for her girlfriend and frowns.

“What the fuck?” She mumbles tiredly.

She takes a good look at her room and sees everything a mess. Trash and clothes everywhere. The sheets are a stray and the floor is covered in dirty laundry. Natasha huffs.

All she wanted was to come home from her week long mission to her girlfriend and the least she expected was a clean room.

She quickly realizes that y/n isn’t in their room and she decides to leave the cleaning for later and switches over to the task of finding her beloved.

She steps into the hallway and says “Friday? Where is y/n/n”

“Mrs. Y/n is in the third floor lounge room ma’am.” The ai quickly replies.

She mumbles a quick thank you and starts her trek to find her girlfriend.

Natasha steps in the elevator and Friday already knows where she wants to go so it starts moving. Natasha stretches her aching muscles a bit and the bell dings.

She steps out to find the lounge in a similar state as their room except for there is a mound of blankets on the couch. She smiles knowing that the amount of blankets y/n uses is unreasonable but cute.

She silently walks to y/n’s pile and slowly uncovers her one layer at a time.

Y/n’s Pov

I am sleeping in the lounge and I feel my blankets being torn away from me.

Okay maybe torn is a bit dramatic but hey I am the girl I’ve always been.

I quickly grab the hand that is above my face to stop them from touching me. Although my eyes are closed I grip their wrist tightly and say,

“If you so dare say one word I’ll have Natasha beat your ass when she gets home”

I hear a familiar chuckle and my eyes open widely and I see my girlfriend. I immediately jump over the edge of the couch into her arms and she says,

“Are you gonna make me beat myself up?”

I glare at her as I pull away from the embrace and then I look around and finally realize how bad it’s gotten.

Usually whenever Natasha leaves I can handle myself but sometimes my mental health gets worse and I find myself unable to get out of bed. So that’s where this has gotten me.

I look at Natasha and she has a concerned look on her face and she says,

“Детка, what’s all this?”

I suddenly break and tears start welling up. I feel awful for having her come home to a depressed mess like me. I quickly try to give her an explanation.

“I don’t know! I- I just stopped picking things up and then next thing I know it’s a whole depression room”

I hide myself in her neck and a few tears fall, but she comforts me and says,

“Oh, Детка, you always know you can ask anybody in the compound for help. Don’t just lock yourself up. Come on. Let’s go to our room and get you in a bath.”

I look down and nod my head. Instead of making me walk she carries me like a koala and I hang onto her tightly.

She gets a bath running and helps me in and then I say,

“You’re not getting in with me?”

She smiles and looks down at me and says,

“I’m gonna do something really quickly okay? I’ll be right back just relax.”

I pout but nod my head nevertheless knowing she probably has to go give some paperwork to Nick or something like that.

After about 10 minutes she comes back in and I smile at her.

“You’re such a cutie”

I say to her. She sits down on the toilet next to me and smiles and says,

“I’m the cutie?”

I nod my head and explain further,

“You’re so baby girl. Like. Just cutie pie.”

Natasha chuckles a bit. Oh god. How her laugh makes me blush. Even after two years of dating she never fails to give me butterflies.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been called cute before… most people would say that I’m quite the opposite.”

I pout at her words and quickly quip,

“Well then, I guess most people don’t know you and that’s literally so tragic because if I never met you I don’t know what I’d do.”

She smiles at me and says,

“Why don’t we get you out and let’s watch some movies?”

I hum and get out. She helps me dry off even though I protest she doesn’t let me do it myself, so I just let her do her own thing.

She gets me my favorite pjs and we go to the room and I freeze.

Everything is gone and cleaned. All the trash. All the clothes. I look to Natasha and say,

“Did you do this?”

She shrugs her shoulders and says,

“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.”

I roll my eyes and give her a kiss on the cheek. We get into the bed with fresh sheets on them and I immediately cuddle into her side. She goes for the remote and I shake my head and say,

“I just wanna lay here with you. No tv. No nothing. Just us”

She smiles and nods her head and says,

“I like that idea. I love you.”

I smile and kiss her softly. Deliberately avoiding saying ‘I love you’ back to her knowing it’s a pet peeve.

She pouts and I find it so cute and she says,

“Say I love you back.”

I look at her and say,

“Why?”

She fake gasps and says,

“You have to if you love me! Do you not love me?”

I shrug my shoulders and say,

“Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.”

She pouts at me using her words against her and she says,

“You’re mean.”

I look at her and decide to be nice again so I say,

“And you’re the smartest, kindest, most loving, cutest, person on this earth. I love you so so much more than you’ll ever know.”

She blushes and smiles at me. I look at her and say,

“I’m sleepy”

Then as if on queue, a big yawn comes out from me, and Natasha giggles a bit. She snuggles closer to me if that’s even possible and says,

“Sleep baby. You’ll need your energy for tomorrow”

I groan when I remember that Natasha and I are training together. I’ve gotten out of training with everyone else this past week knowing they’d never make me do anything since Natasha romanoff is my girlfriend, but she won’t let it slide.

I decide to worry about it tomorrow and just focus on the fact that my baby is home and all is well in the world. Even if it isn’t.

——————————————————————————

An: I hope y’all like it! It’s a bit long but I couldn’t find a good place to finish it. And I wanted to add more lol. Please please please leave some constructive criticism for me lol. I need to work on my writing I’m sure. And feel free to leave requests anywhere :)))

#fanfic #avengers #marvel #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff

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justalittlelilac · 1 month ago

Text

Two days.

You had two days to tell Qiu Lin you were in love with them.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 Word Count: 7,750 CW: explicit language, references to drug and underage alcohol use, dissociation, avoidant attachment behavior, depression, general angst, and mental health issues related to self esteem (seriously guys, if you're looking for a 100% feel good OL story, this prolly ain't it...at least this chapter lollll)

Recommended listening: deep by Devon Again, and this playlist I made. Use this link if you wanna add your own songs. I thought it could be fun.

The drive to Grayson's Family Tree Farm felt longer than it did in past years, the asphalt stretching in front of your car like a long, worn path. Outside the car, the world was a blur of gray and muted browns sprinkled with the spindly skeletal limbs of bare trees. A few tenacious leaves clung stubbornly to branches as if it was autumn's last breath before the land would be blanketed in a thick sheet of snow.

It was as if the world was hesitating, caught briefly between two seasons, just as we cling to fleeting moments already passing, watching them fade like breath in the biting air. Autumn grasping to what remains while winter sweeps in, altering what we know. Quietly, like falling snow, ending all that was.

Tamarack hummed contentedly from the backseat, following along with "White Christmas" playing through the car's speakers. She had commandeered the aux cord as soon as she had buckled her seat belt, her ruby eyes already sparkling. Who were you to deny her that simple pleasure?

Her enthusiasm for the holiday tradition was as infectious as ever - or at least, it should have been. You remembered when her joy used to spark something similar in you, but now it felt like watching a favorite movie with the sound turned down, all the meaning somehow muffled and distant.

Beside you, Qiu sat in the passenger seat, their fingers drumming lightly against their thigh in time with the music. However, there was something off in their rhythm, slight hesitations in the drumming of their fingers that matched the occasional furrow in their brow. Their gaze was fixed on the passing scenery, eyes distant and reflective as if lost in a world only they could navigate.

You observed them from the corner of your eyes, noticing the far-off look about them. It wasn't uncommon for Qiu to seem so scatterbrained, even now, as an adult. Still, it felt out of place for them, and you made a mental note to inquire about the change later on.

The car smelled pleasantly of Tamarack's signature perfume—a blend of vanilla and cinnamon that felt like coming home—and something more subtle and earthy that continued to cling to your coat.

Yesterday evening, the three of you had trekked through the woods behind the Lin's house, your breath misting in the chilly air as you and Qiu passed a shared blunt back and forth. The ritual was an old one, a relic from teenage years when the world felt too big and too small all at once.

Tamarack hadn't participated, but she still tagged along, happy for the company. She'd always said the woods were enough on their own to relax—a sentiment you could appreciate but never quite feel. For you, the haze took the edge off, softening the sharp corners of your thoughts that threatened to cut too deep.

But even that familiar comfort, a ritual years old, felt distant, like the smoke tendrils floating to the dark sky. The buzz had faded too quickly, leaving behind a restless tension coiled beneath your skin and continued to pull taut. You could still picture Qiu's heavy-lidded eyes illuminated by the moonlight, their laughter echoing in the dark, cutting the silence of the sleeping forest around you.

It used to be enough—those stolen moments of teenage rebellion, when it felt like you and Qiu were against the world, to feel that world narrow down to just the two of you. Now, it was a reminder of how temporary everything felt—moments like smoke pluming into the sky.

Even this morning, the familiar ritual hadn't provided its usual escape. Instead of dulling your senses, it had somehow made you more aware of every subtle shift in Qiu's behavior — the way their laughter seemed to catch in their throat, how their eyes would drift away when talking about school, the slight tension in their shoulders when Tamarack mentioned winter break plans.

You felt like an exposed nerve, sensitive to every word from your mouth or theirs. Nervous doubt coated your tongue and brain in a viscous goo until the high began to thankfully ebb.

"You're not gonna get lost again, right, Tamarack?" Qiu's teasing voice cut through your spiraling thoughts, though something in their tone felt forced like they were playing a part they'd rehearsed too many times. From the corner of your eye, you saw the faint smirk tugging at their lips. In the review mirror, you witnessed Tamarack's theatrical eye roll.

"Are you going to bring that up every year?" she groaned. "Plus, I was not lost. I just went off-path to find the best tree. Something you couldn't relate to because the trees you always pick are sad," she harrumphed while crossing her arms.

"They are not sad!" Qiu spun in their seat to glare daggers at Tamarack. Your mutual friend had the best track record of taunting and challenging Qiu, even unintentionally. If it was an Olympic sport, Tamarack Baumann would win gold every time. "They're just… Smaller than yours, that's all!" Qiu protested.

"You mean scrawny, " Tamarack shot back with a self-assured smirk. You huffed a small laugh, keeping your eyes on the road.

Qiu whipped around, and you could practically feel the fire in their faux glare. "I see you snickering!" You couldn't stop the laughter that abrupted from you. One of your hands shot up from the steering wheel in defense.

"Sorry, sorry!" You defended, still laughing. Qiu's eyebrows furrowed.

"You don't think the trees I pick are scrawny, do you?" They asked pleadingly.

"No! They're uh…practical," you tried. The back of the car erupted into a boisterous roar of laughter. With a pout, Qiu crossed their arms and turned their attention back to the window.

"Whatever. I like my trees; they have character," they muttered, but they couldn't hide their smile and pleasantly closed eyes as they rested their head on the glass.

Leave it to Tamarack to turn the tables on Qiu's teasing. The car settled back into silence, save for Tamarack's holiday playlist, and you allowed yourself the smallest of smiles, letting the jolly music fill your ears. Letting the moment of nostalgia somehow ground you in the present.

You knew you were approaching Grayson's tree farm when the black asphalt running beneath your wheels transitioned to dirt and gravel. The familiar sun-bleached sign for the farm came into view, welcoming you into the gravel parking lot.

You pulled in, parking next to the Lin's vehicle and others. The area was full of cars that had carried other families here to complete their own tree-cutting tradition.

Killing the engine, the three of you shuffled out of the car, and you were immediately hit with the strong scents of sap, pine, and wood smoke. Around you was a sea of pine, spruce, and evergreen trees ranging from Charlie Brown specials to towering giants that seemed to scrape the heavy grey sky. They swayed in a slight breeze that carried a sharp bite, the smell of frost, and the promise of possible snow.

You were glad you'd layered up —the morning's weather report had warned of temperatures dropping below freezing, nature's way of announcing winter's impending arrival. Like everything else lately, whether you were ready or not, autumn was slipping away. Rocks crunched under your shoes as you followed Qiu and Tamarack, a route practically worn into the dirt to the small wooden shack that served as the farm's entrance.

It was a quaint old structure with a concession window bordered by twinkle lights and wreaths hanging from the eaves, adding to the rustic charm. Wood smoke plumed from the small cylindrical chimney where a wood-burning stove was likely in use.

There, you would retrieve your tools for the tree, and when you returned with your bounty, you'd share hot chocolate and sit by the campfire nearby. It was, as traditions go, the same every single year.

Your mom, Granny, and the Lins waited bundled in coats and scarves by the entrance. They waved you over with cheery smiles.

It was a rhythm that had been set in stone. A little dull and repetitive, sure, but reliable and comforting in a time when so much had changed. Even when both you and Qiu couldn't have been bothered to do something "so dumb" in your angsty youth, you still partook in it.

Now, when you felt like your world had been turned upside down in a short few weeks, seeing everything in place made you feel…at home.

"Finally, you three showed up. It's about to snow!" Granny's voice carried that familiar mix of chiding and affection as she rubbed her hands together against the cold. From beside you, Tamarack's eyes lit up like the Christmas tree that would be in her living room that night.

"Really? That would be perfect!" She grinned. You found yourself glancing at the heavy clouds above, debating whether that was actually true. It wasn't uncommon for Golden Grove to get snow by now, but the perfect scene it would have created made you doubtful.

"Yes, I suppose, but we should hurry if we want to avoid the brunt of it. I can't stand the cold like I used to," Granny sighed, her joints clearly protesting the chill. The Lins and your mom sighed in agreement, their bones and joints not as impervious to the seasonal change as well You wondered when you would be joining the 'I'm too old for this' club with them.

"We were actually thinking you kids would be okay to go off on your own this year. We trust your judgment," Mom explained with an amused, encouraging smile. The three of you balked at the older adults. In years past, you'd always performed a divide-and-conquer mentality.

"We'll stay here by the fire," Mr. Lin added cheerfully. "That way, we can help with the trees when you get back—and sample the hot chocolate quality, of course." He winked, earning round of laughter. Qiu chuffed slightly with a smirk.

"Sitting with some hot cocoa while we do all the work? Gotcha." Mr. Lin responded with a confirming grin and nod.

"Works for me!" Tamarack exclaimed, ever the optimist. "We'll find the most amazing trees and be back before you know it." Tamarack had already started pulling on your coat, urging you to the shack window to get your things.

"Okay, okay! We're coming," you laughed.

"Just stay within the marked areas," your mom cautioned lightly. "And keep an eye on the weather."

"Yes, ma'am," you replied with a mock salute, earning a smile.

With saws in hand and sleds in tow, you set off into the labyrinth of evergreens. As you stepped into the field of trees, the first snowflakes began to dance down from the sky, almost like falling stars in the daytime. It seemed Granny was right after all.

Although it was quieter in the field, you could hear the sounds of other families searching for their perfect tree. Their distant laughter and excited calls floated through the air like music, and you couldn't help but smile at a small child racing past, their purple boots leaving tiny tracks in the gathering snow. Tamarack excitedly vibrated next to you, shot ahead, and began walking backward to address the two of you.

"Just wait and see. I'm gonna get the best tree, and I'll be the first to do it," she nodded as if she'd already completed the task. Without waiting for a response, she spun around and disappeared down one of the rows, dragging her sled with her.

It was always amusing to see Tamarack like this as an adult. Even though she was careful to not dirty her nice clothes or mess up her hair these days, that spark of a younger Tamarack Bauman refused to be completely snuffed out.

One can never fully get rid of the child inside them.

You and Qiu meandered deeper into the grove, still chuckling over Tamarack. The trees grew together thicker, and the scent of pine was stronger. It brought back memories of all the years before —when things were simpler, when next year felt like a distant concept rather than an approaching reality. A companionable silence fell between you. A quiet that wrapped around you made you feel comfortable if you didn't let your mind wander.

"Hey, if we head to the back, I bet there will be some really good ones," Qiu suggested, their breath visible in the cold air. They were smiling, but something in their voice sounded different—hesitant maybe, or tired. You pushed the observation away, not wanting to crack the pleasant surface of the moment.

"Are we—dare I say—competing with Tamarack?" You asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.

"Maybe not for time, but I think I'll rise to the challenge," Qiu replied with a mischievous glint in their eyes.

"Well then, lead the way," you gestured grandly, a grin tugging at the corners of your mouth. As you walked, the rows became less picked over.

The snow was falling steadier now, dusting Qiu's dark hair with white flecks that caught the weak sunlight. They were quiet, staring at their feet as they walked like they would trip without diligent observation. As if the answer to something important was written on their shoelaces.

"You okay?" You nudged them with your shoulder, spurring them out of their thoughts. Qiu blinked a few times and gave you a sheepish smile.

"Oh, yeah. I'm just thinking about this project due on Monday. I haven't started it yet." Something in the way they said it made you wonder if that was the whole story, but you played along, rolling your eyes.

"You should get on that when we get back," you said, trying to keep your tone lightly teasing despite the subtle reminder of their other life, the one that was pulling them away. Even out here among the trees and memories, their thoughts were there instead of here with you.

Qiu laughed, pulling out their phone. "I will, I will. Look—" their thumbs swiped across the screen. "I'll put it in my calendar and set an alarm right now," they explained.

Over the years, Qiu's loose notes had transitioned to reminders and alarms set in their phone. "See? Happy?" They showed the phone to you. The calendar reminder read, Do your damn schoolwork Qiu!!!

"Ridiculously so," you replied with a genuine smile that made them chuckle.

The moment felt so normal, so them, that it made your chest ache with how much you'd miss these small interactions. But the joy of being here, of participating in this tradition together, was real, too. Both feelings existed simultaneously, like the warm sunlight breaking through the cold winter clouds above.

A traitorous thought that turned your cheeks pink said, It could be like this all the time.

You continued your journey, eventually stopping at the edge of the tree field. Ahead of you was the dark of an actual forest, not suitable for Christmas trees. It was nearly silent there, aside from the breeze rustling the pine branches, causing the now heavier snow to dance around you. It had begun to settle on the trees, a dusting of white against the green.

You approached a promising spruce, testing its branches, but you were disappointed to see that it had shed a good amount of its needles from the jostling.

"Y'know, I forgot how quiet it is here," Qiu said thoughtfully while circling a tree a few feet away. "I kinda miss it," they added. Your heart gave a little jolt at the comment. Qiu missed it here?

"Yeah? That's surprising," you replied, trying to keep your tone neutral as you moved to examine another tree. This one had too many dead branches, nature's small imperfections revealing themselves upon closer inspection.

"How so?" Qiu tilted their head in genuine curiosity. You rolled your eyes, but there was no real bite to it.

"You hate Golden Grove," you stated simply, moving on to the next candidate. "You always said that once you could get out, you're never coming back." The words came out more pointed than you'd intended, hanging in the cold air between you. Qiu frowned, following behind you.

"Well…I mean, yeah, I know, used to say that all the time when we were younger," they objected, absently running their fingers through the needles of a nearby branch.

"It's going to be great, y'know? Finally, get out of this stupid town. You should come to see me for spring break. Get some sun and stuff." They'd said enthusiastically.

The memory of the previous spring hit you suddenly— walking through the park downtown after a movie, the night air warm and full of possibility. It was the first warmer night of the spring season.

The trees had finally burst with their new leaves, and the scent of wet dirt and mulch was constant as you strolled through the empty park. Qiu's acceptance letter to Prism Vista University had come in the mail recently, and it was a common conversation topic.

At the time, you were all smiles, happy to share their excitement, the situation not dawning on you. A distant reality seemed so alternate that it might as well have been science fiction.

"Just this spring, you were talking about how you couldn't wait to leave everything behind," you scoffed the reminder, still examining the tree.

Leave me behind.

"You know…Golden Grove isn't so bad…there's still some good things here," you murmured as you stood, brushing against the lush foliage. You weren't sure what made you say it. The words felt both true and false simultaneously. On one hand, the town was like this tree—imperfect but familiar, rooted in memories.

Qiu laughed, but it wasn't their usual carefree sound. "Okay, you got me there," they admitted.

They were quiet for a moment, seeming to be gathering their thoughts. You knelt to examine the base of a particularly full spruce, brushing snow from its lower branches.

On the other hand, that was the problem. Golden Grove offered nothing except memories and stagnant change that you clung onto like a lifeline. A knot of selfish guilt burrowed in your gut like you were trying to sell them on the too-small pond that they were clearly too big for.

That their hesitation meant something.

The silence that followed felt heavy with unspoken words. You could feel Qiu's eyes on you, knew they could see through any pretense you might try to maintain. They'd always been able to read you like that, even when you couldn't read yourself.

The gentle rustle of the pine needles and the soft crunch of the snow beneath their boots filled the air until you felt the warmth of Qiu standing next to you. You heard the smallest laugh from them, and as you turned from the tree, you were met with an amused smile.

"You uh…got something—"Qiu started, their hand gentle as they reached out and brushed the snow and pine needles from your hair. The casual touch made your skin tingle. Briefly, your eyes met, and something in Qiu's smile looked different from just a few moments before.

"You're right, though," they said, shoving their hand back into their pocket. "There are still some really nice things in Golden Grove."

The way Qiu rocked back on their heels made you pause, something vulnerable in their posture that reminded you of younger days when they'd try to make it seem like they didn't care as much. They crossed the snowy path to investigate another tree, their voice carrying a too-casual tone.

"I mean, duh, you're here," they said, then quickly added, "And Tamarack, mom and dad, friends from school. But that's what makes leaving worthwhile, right? You get to value what you leave behind more." They weren't looking at you as they spoke, their attention seemingly fixed on the tree's branches. "Like, I wouldn't appreciate the quiet here if I wasn't living in the city."

"Right," you replied, turning away to hide whatever expression might be betraying your thoughts, hoping that would end the conversation. Unfortunately, Qiu wasn't finished.

"Just like being here makes me appreciate Prism Vista all over again, makes me excited to go back," they added quickly, then hesitated. "Sure, it can be lonely sometimes, but it's not all bad."

That made you pause, your hand freezing on a branch. It was the first time they'd admitted to any difficulty. You turned to look at them, really look at them, and noticed the slight tension in their shoulders, the way they were still avoiding your gaze. Hyperfocused on their tree.

"Well, you know how it is," they shrugged. "It's easy to be invisible around so many people in a place like that. But, you can reinvent yourself in a way, though." They gave you a small smile, like that would reassure you.

"Lonely?" you echoed. The possibility that Qiu felt lonely turned the knife in your chest deeper because that awful part of you had hope that they felt the same way you did. You hated it. You hated yourself.

Snow continued falling around you, each flake carrying its own silence. The holiday cheer from other families felt distant now, muffled by the weight of the moment.

"Qiu…" you started, your heart hammering against your ribs, "do you ever sometimes wish things were different? Like things had ended up different for us?" The quiet words came out before you could stop them. Now, they hung in the air like precarious icicles. Threatening to fall and cause damage any second.

"What do you mean?" Qiu's question was tentative, their brows furrowing.

You stared at your boots, watching as snowflakes disappeared into the leather. "Just… I don't know, maybe things could've been different." The veiled words felt both too heavy and too light, carrying years of unspoken thoughts.

Qiu was quiet for a long moment, their breath visible in the cold air. "I mean, sure, for some things," they finally said. "But I don't know; it seems like everything happens for a reason. Like, if I'd never gone to PVU, I wouldn't have met Micah or got to see Baxter again. If you had never come to Golden Grove, we wouldn't be friends, and I definitely don't want that to be different," they laughed.

You knew it wasn't exactly rejecting your unsaid proclamation, but it still paused you. Still hurt.

You tried to smile, to match their lightness. "Right, that would have been terrible." But the words tasted sour, bitter like pine needles on your tongue. Qiu's eyes lingered on you a moment longer before their attention was pulled away.

"Hey! What about this one, huh?" Qiu pointed at the tree they had been circling. Thankful for the distraction from the uncomfortable tightness in your chest, you followed their gaze.

"That could work. It's not too scrawny," you teased, managing a genuine smile when Qiu rolled their eyes. The familiar banter felt like stepping onto solid ground after walking on ice. You considered the tree you'd been absent-mindedly investigating.

You patted its branches affectionately. "I think I'm going with this one." The tree was full but manageable, perfect for your mom's collection of mismatched ornaments that you both had picked out from second-hand shops and discount stores over the years.

"Nice!" Qiu's enthusiasm brightened their face, making your heart skip. They unlooped the sled strap and dropped the saw at the base of their tree. "Let's cut 'em down!" Qiu's enthusiasm was contagious, and you found yourself laughing along with them. The two of you got into position, kneeling on the ground and readying the saw.

The first few minutes were easy. The saw glided smoothly through the wood. You worked in comfortable silence, falling into the rhythm you'd developed over years of sharing this tradition. The teeth of your saw bit and caught, making it difficult to go halfway through.

"There you guys are! I thought I was going to have to leave you," Tamarack said brightly. You could hear the crunch of pine needs and snow under her boots as her sled came to a stop not too far behind her.

"You left us in the first place!" Qiu's voice was muffled under their tree branches, but their laughter was clear.

"True. I didn't think you'd go so far, though. Need any help?" Tamarack offered, already moving to assist without waiting for an answer. Her presence filled the space with warmth like she always did.

When both trees finally lay on the ground, you all stood back to admire your work. The success of the hunt filled you with that particular satisfaction that came from completing something together, even as part of you wondered how many more times you'd get to share this kind of moment.

You and Tamarack worked together; the rhythmic push and pull of the saw synced up with your breaths. From behind, you heard Qiu's tree come free, and they released a sigh of relief.

The saw cut through more smoothly now with Tamarack's help, bringing you closer and closer to your prize. The sharp, sweet smell of sap filled your nostrils, and your muscles burned pleasantly, two very welcome distractions from the thoughts swirling in your brain.

"Too bad you were last in the race," Tamarack nudged you playfully, "but we got there eventually." Her smile was teasing, and you scoffed, gathering up the rope of your sled.

You and Qiu secured your trees to the sleds, the ropes familiar in your hands from years of practice. The gathering snow made the paths slicker, but your trio moved back toward the lot with practiced ease. The sound of your trees gliding over the fresh powder mixed with Tamarack and Qiu's chatter about evening plans.

"So, I want to start with the special ornaments first this year," Tamarack was saying, already planning the tree decorating party at her house. "And I found this new cookie recipe I want to try—they're supposed to look like little snow globes!"

Another part of the Tamarack Holiday Special. The three of you would decorate the evergreen with Granny's antique heirloom baubles, eat more sweets than you could handle, watch corny Hallmark holiday movies, and have a sleepover.

Despite everything, you were looking forward to it and allowed yourself a genuine smile, thinking about the event ahead. As you neared the entrance, Qiu pulled out their phone, a small smile tugging at their lips as they read the screen.

"Who's that?" you asked curiously.

"Just Micah," Qiu answered, thumbs moving quickly across the screen. "They're checking in about this project we are doing. It's part of this year-long freshmen seminar class we have to do for our major." They slowed their pace to finish typing, the gap between you and them growing. You nodded the word, "Micah," making your eye twitch slightly.

"Oh, Micah?" Tamarack's voice brightened with recognition. "I remember you telling us about him. Maybe he can visit during Christmas break, and we can all meet then!" Her suggestion was genuine, full of her characteristic openness to new friends.

You blinked a few times and swallowed the sudden dryness in your throat. You were not jealous of Micah. That would be ridiculous and incredibly immature.

They were just classmates, sharing the same major, same classes…same daily life that you couldn't be part of anymore…and responding immediately to each other's texts…

Qiu's hesitation was subtle but unmistakable.

"Well, maybe. Micah actually suggested staying on campus over the winter break with our group to iron out some ideas for the project. There's just a lot to do…and I want to make sure it gets done."

The words hit you like how a cold blast of air can steal your breath.

"You're not coming back for the holidays?" you blurted without thinking, your sled coming to a crunching halt.

Qiu glanced at you, a hint of hesitation in their eyes before they pulled their gaze away from you to look at Tamarack, who had also halted. "I haven't decided yet," they explained with a careful plainness. "They're depending on me, and everyone else said they could stay. So…it made sense. I dunno…" they said, trailing off and offering a shrug.

You watched Tamarack's smile fade slightly, her usual brightness dimming like a candle in the wind. She looked between the two of you, reading the tension with the intuition she'd developed over years of being caught between your occasional storms.

"It'll be here when you come back," she offered diplomatically, though her voice carried a note of disappointment. For a moment, the shy, unsure Tamarack Baumman returned.

A flash of annoyance washed over you as your eyes snapped to Qiu. It was one thing for them to make you feel brushed aside, it was another to make Tamarack feel it. Your friend who'd spent most of her life trying to find a place when it was like she had none.

"It's not like that. We're just…working well together."

"Right. Sounds like Micah's got you pretty wrapped up," you bit, unable to keep the pointed edge from your voice.

Qiu's eyes narrowed before softening into that maddeningly gentle look they sometimes gave you, like they could see right through your defenses. As soft as the snow falling around you…it upset you now. How could they look look at you in such a way when they were leaving you?

"Sure," you muttered, picking your pace back up and quickening it. Bitter bile settled in your throat, but you couldn't swallow it back. You passed the rest of your waiting families without stopping, heading straight for the payment shack. Behind you, you could hear Tamarack calling out.

"Woah, wait up!" She met you halfway between the shack and your car. "What's the rush?"

"Just want to get this tied down," you said, not meeting her eyes.

She searched your face with concern before she nodded softly in understanding, not pushing it further. Behind you, you could hear Qiu's footsteps slow, the distance between you stretching.

The rest of the afternoon blurred at the edges, like looking through a frosted window. You went through the motions—securing the tree to the car, drinking hot chocolate that you barely tasted, and adding half-hearted laughter to your mom's jokes. But inside, a numbness was spreading, dulling the edges of everything until you felt disconnected as if watching someone else's life unfold from afar.

Of course, Qiu wouldn't come back. Of course, they'd choose to stay with their brilliant new friends, working on important projects. You desperately wanted to be understanding, but that darker part of your head was insistent.

You wished you could be surprised. But you felt stupid because the last few weeks had shown that you were just a remnant from their past they'd eventually outgrow. Like the trees in the farm that sprouted too tall and strong for their original plot, Qiu had flourished beyond the confines of Golden Grove while you remained rooted in hard soil, too afraid to reach for something more.

If they weren't coming home for Christmas, maybe they weren't coming home for spring break. Then, if they weren't coming home for spring break, they may decide to stay for the summer, too.

You couldn't choose which would be worse, that Qiu would never come home or that they would, and you would be strangers.

The sad, small tree with the spindly bare branches too weak to hold cheerful baubles.

The drive back to the neighborhood felt endless. Sensing the tension, Tamarack filled the space with nervous chatter, but eventually, she even fell silent. Qiu stared out the window, their reflection a blurred silhouette against the darkening sky.

The cheerful Christmas music that filled the car's silence felt mocking now. It was sound coming from another universe entirely, one where everything made sense, people didn't leave, and you weren't slowly disappearing into the static in your head. Your hands gripped the steering wheel too tightly, but the pressure helped ground you in your increasingly foggy reality.

The tension continued as you parked in the cul-de-sac and even through the unloading of the trees. Your mom paused to look at you as you both propped your tree against the porch. Her gaze drifted to Tamarack and Qiu, who were waiting quietly in front of the Baumann's house. She smiled softly at you but didn't mention the expression you must be holding. Even if she knew something was wrong, she knew even better to let you come to her about it rather than push.

The warm light from the front window of Tamarack's house illuminated the darkening neighborhood as you approached and stood with the other two awkwardly.

"So… I'm gonna go get stuff ready if you're still coming in," Tamarack started, her voice careful, like she was talking to a spooked animal. She'd seen you like this before, during those harder years when everything felt too much, and escape seemed like the only option.

As she disappeared through the front door, the world around you grew impossibly quiet. The kind of silence that only comes with falling snow. Each flake drifted down like a tiny secret, gathering on Qiu's hair and shoulders. The yellow porch light cast long shadows across the snow, and you watched your breath cloud in the air between you, counting the seconds like heartbeats.

"Yeah, you can get started without us for a moment," Qiu answered, their gaze steady on you.

You could feel them trying to read you, just like they used to during those nights when you'd both sneak out before they'd learned to spread their wings and you'd learned to build higher walls. Tamarack's eyes swiveled between the two of you, and with a small smile, she nodded and headed inside.

"Can we talk?" Qiu asked softly, their voice barely carrying through the heavy stillness.

You could hear the muffled sound of Granny talking inside, Christmas music floating faintly through the windows, but it felt like you and Qiu were miles away from it.

Qiu shifted their weight from one foot to the other, their boots making soft impressions in the fresh snow. The nervous gesture was foreign to you. You'd seen Qiu nervous, but different from this.

Your mind was already racing ahead, a familiar static building behind your eyes. You recognized this feeling—the way your thoughts started to scatter like startled birds, how your skin felt too tight, and how the world began to take on that distant, dreamy quality that used to signal the beginning of another bad decision.

"About what?" you replied, though you knew exactly what they wanted to discuss. Your voice sounded strange to your ears as if it was coming from somewhere far away. You fixed your gaze on the snow gathering on Tamarack's mailbox, watching it build up crystal by crystal, anything to avoid meeting Qiu's eyes.

"About what's going on with you. You've been distant, and I feel like," Qiu paused, searching for words in the space between snowflakes. "I don't know."

You clenched your jaw, feeling the heat rise up your neck despite the cold. Anger was familiar territory — an old friend that had gotten you into trouble more times than you could count. It started as a spark in your chest, spreading like wildfire through your limbs until your fingers tingled with it.

This was better than the numbness, better than the fog. Anger made you feel solid and real, even as some distant part of you recognized it as a defense mechanism, a wall to hide behind.

"Funny. I was thinking the same thing." The words came out sharp and hot like sparks from a fire. You shoved your hands in your pockets, curling them into fists. The plastic fin of your dolphin keychain practically pierced your palm.

Without really deciding to, you turned toward your house, muttering something about getting clothes for the sleepover. It was a paper-thin excuse, and you both knew it. Your heart was pounding now, blood rushing in your ears, drowning out the peaceful quiet of the falling snow.

You didn't know why you were choosing now to be an asshole and to Qiu of all people, but the pulling ache of anger and subsequent guilt in you was overstimulating now. A feeling that had your skin itching.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Their voice held a note of frustration now, but underneath it was something else - concern maybe, or hurt. You couldn't let yourself think about that too much. Couldn't let yourself soften around the edges when anger was the only thing keeping you upright.

You took a deep breath, the words tumbling out before you could stop them. "Y'know, honestly, it doesn't matter since you're so concerned with not even being around to find out," you stated in a tight voice.

The silence that followed felt like glass about to break. You could see Qiu's reflection in your car window, their face a mixture of surprise and something else that made your chest tighten further, making the anger burn hotter. Did they pity you?

"Is that what you really think? That I'm trying to get away?" They took a step toward you, snow crunching under their boots. The sound seemed too loud in the quiet, making you flinch internally even as you held your ground. You turned and gestured to them casually as if it should be obvious.

"It seems pretty clear to me," you said, feeling the hurt and frustration vibrate through you and bubble under the surface.

Qiu stared at you for a long moment, their brows furrowing. "Y'know, you can act really stupid sometimes."

The words hit like a slap, and the anger that had been simmering beneath your surface exploded into something white-hot and dangerous. It was the kind of anger that used to lead to sneaking out windows, bad decisions in worse company, and nights you still couldn't quite remember.

"Stupid? You think I'm stupid? Qiu Lin, you're the stupid one! Fuck off," you hissed, the static in your head reaching a crescendo. Your vision seemed to tunnel, the edges of the world going soft and dark while the rage remained crystal clear at the center.

You knew you were being unreasonable, that your anger was misplaced, but you couldn't stop it. It felt better than the numbness, better than the fear, better than admitting how much it hurt to watch them outgrow you. Better than accepting your love for them was doomed from the start.

"I'm sorry," they said, running a hand over their face. We just haven't fought like this in years, and it just reminded me of how dumb we used to be." Their expression softened. "Is that really how you feel? What you said before, I mean."

To your surprise, Qiu laughed.

It wasn't cruel or mocking but soft and genuine, cutting through your anger like sunlight through storm clouds. The unexpected response made you falter, the rage momentarily giving way to confusion. The white-hot iron inside you cooling.

"You're my best friend," Qiu said simply.

The gentleness in their voice made your anger waver, threatening to expose everything you were trying to hide beneath it.

"I—I just miss you, I guess," you managed, your voice smaller than you intended. You stared at the ground, watching snow collect on your boots, unable to meet their eyes.

"Am I? Am I just that?" The words escaped before you could stop them, your voice cracking slightly. "Or is the better question, am I even that anymore?" Shit. This was dangerous territory, the kind of vulnerability that made your skin crawl. The static in your head grew louder, urging you to run, to hide, to do anything but stand here, exposed in the snow.

"What? Of course, you are," Qiu's eyes widened with concern. "Please, can we just talk about this?" Something in their tone made you pause—a note of desperation you weren't used to hearing from them. "Why are you shutting me out?" they asked gently, and the softness in their voice felt like sandpaper against your raw nerves.

You swallowed hard, tasting copper. "Because it hurts too much, I think." The vulnerability in your quiet voice was a razor's edge, and you hated how true the words felt.

"You can talk to me. I'm right here," Qiu insisted, taking another step closer.

You scoffed, the sound bitter in your throat. "For now." The fire of your anger was cooling, leaving behind something worse - that hollow feeling you'd been trying to avoid.

"I…" They hesitated, snow gathering on their shoulders and sticking like second thoughts. "I honestly thought going away would help me figure things out," they admitted.

"Figure what out?" you asked, surprise momentarily overriding your defenses.

Qiu looked away, their gaze drifting over the now-dark neighborhood. "Everything. Who I am. What I want."

"And have you?" The question was barely audible over the sound of your heart pounding.

They shook their head. "No. Honestly, if anything, I'm more confused."

You wanted to reach out, touch their hand, bridge the gap between you. But fear held you back, holding you in place like ice blocks attached to your feet.

"Maybe we both are," you whispered loud enough for them to hear.

Qiu turned back to you, their eyes meeting yours and warming.

"Then maybe we can figure it out together."

The silence that followed felt different, charged with potential and unspoken words. But just as you opened your mouth to respond, Qiu's pocket illuminated. Their phone buzz shattered the moment, pulling both of you back to reality.

They pulled their phone out, the blue light casting shadows across their face. "It's Micah. I should…"

"Of course," you said tightly, feeling the walls slam back into place. "Wouldn't want to keep him waiting." The bitterness in your voice surprised even you, but you clung to it like a lifeline.

Qiu sighed, pressing their lips into a thin line. "That isn't fair."

"Life isn't fair," you retorted, the childish response tasting like gross ash in your mouth. The static was back, louder now, drowning out whatever Qiu started to say.

They finally said, "We can talk more later tonight," but the words felt hollow, like promises made to children to keep them quiet.

Something in you snapped, a rubber band pulled too tight. The numbness was creeping back in, but it felt almost welcome this time.

"Actually, I'm kind of busy tonight. So, I think I'll pass," you stated bluntly, turning away from them and reaching for your car door. The keys felt cold in your hand, grounding you in your decision.

"What? Where are you going?" Their voice carried notes of confusion and concern that you could not bring yourself to acknowledge in the moment.

You waved a hand dismissively, not looking back. "Out to see some friends. You know how it is." The jab fell easily from your lips.

"What about Tamarack?" Qiu protested. You ignored them with determination. "Come on, don't do this," they added, though with a growing resignation.

They'd seen this version of you before and knew better than to chase after you when you got like this. It was also not in Qiu's nature to beg someone to stay, to be the one to blatantly request one's presence.

"Fine."

The single word from them carried more weight than it should have, falling into the snow between you like a stone as you threw open your car door and escaped inside.

In your rearview mirror, you watched Qiu turn toward Tamarack's house, their shoulders slightly hunched against the cold. Or maybe against something else. You started the car, the engine's rumble drowning out whatever thoughts tried to surface.

That old restlessness was crawling under your skin now, electric and demanding. You recognized it like an old friend - the same feeling that used to make you climb out your window at 2 AM, that used to make you take whatever was offered at parties just to feel something different, anything different. Your body hummed with it, every nerve ending alive with the promise of escape.

Your brain was already three steps ahead, mapping out the night like you used to - which backroads to take, which parties would still be going, which faces would welcome you back without asking too many questions.

Once around the corner, you pulled over, your hands shaking slightly - not from fear, but from adrenaline. That old electricity was running through your veins now, making everything sharper, more immediate. You remembered this feeling, how it used to make you feel powerful, untouchable. How it used to make you feel anything at all.

You scrolled through your contacts, muscle memory guiding you to a name you hadn't touched in a year: Jordan. The last message thread was short: "Nah, maybe next time" from you, left on read like so many things in your life. Back then, you'd started trying to be better, to be the kind of person Qiu wouldn't worry about, that Tamarack wanted to be around.

The phone in your pocket felt heavy as if it knew what you were about to do. How easy it would be to text those numbers you never deleted but pretended to forget. After all, some part of you whispered, isn't that what everyone expects anyway?

Funny how easily old habits come back.

Your thumbs hovered over the keyboard, and that delicious recklessness made your skin buzz. You could almost taste it - the sharp bite of whatever cheap liquor would be passed around tonight, the burn of borrowed cigarettes, the beautiful numbness that came with letting go.

"Hey, what's going on tonight?"

The response came faster than expected as if they'd been waiting for you to crash and burn again—maybe they had.

"At the usual spot. You pullin' up? It'd be cool to see you."

You knew it was a bad idea. Probably the worst. You knew sending this reply would only lead to trouble. But honestly? Trouble felt like exactly what you needed right now.

"Sure. See you soon."

With finality, you started your engine and pulled away from the curb, putting as much distance between you and Qiu as you could as quickly as possible.

#sorry its so long lol #i feel so nervous about this one #reader is going through it #so is Qiu #the annnggst #our life #fanfic #olnf #qiu lin #our life now and forever #our life: now & forever #our life: now and forever #olnf qiu lin #our life qiu lin #our life tamarack #olnf tamarack #tamarack baumann #qiu lin x reader #angst

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writersblockedx · 1 year ago

Text

Dependency Problem

Pairing - Conrad Fisher x Fem!Reader Summary - When you return to Cousins this year, you find that Conrad has picked up similar bad habits you once had. Warnings - Use of drugs and alcohol, good bit of angst, NO SPOILERS FOR S2 Words - 2.6k

A/n - Possible part two if people want? Let me know!

Masterlist

Every Summer was spent in Cousins. And every Summer, it was spent with the Fisher and Conklin clan. It was always refreshing, that slow drive back up to the house. The air was sprinkled with salt and the skies seemed always clear, a blue-painted ceiling that you could bathe in all day if you so pleased. But, the most important part of the drive was the reunion.

To see them little differences that had changed in everyone in between the last ten months. For Susannah, she had chopped a good bit of her hair off as her golden locks hung close to her shoulders. Laurel had started wearing less make-up, settling into a more comfortability with herself. Your mom had been the opposite, she was experimenting with makeup and style like she was a teen again; you blamed it on a midlife crisis. Belly had hit puberty, no longer plagued by a pair of glasses. Steven even more relaxed that he had been the year prior, and slightly taller. Jere's hair had grown, giving his curls the space to spiral over his forehead. And then there was Conrad - you noticed it instantly.

It was a familiar essence that was loitering over him. The unironed hoodie he had crowded his more lean figure into. His eyes were dragged down by the black bags, irritated with patches of red within the whites of his eyes. His posture was low, tired, aching. And his expression, while uplifted with a smile of welcome, was a facade. You caught it in a moment.

"Finally!" Jeremiah called as he rushed over to his friends, capturing Steven in a bro-hug first, then Belly and leaving you for last. "Good to have you back." He told you as his head sat on your shoulder before pulling away.

From there, you met Conrad's gaze.

You ignored the way your heart felt heavy. You weren't sure what had happened between now and when you had last said goodbye, but you felt far than enough sympathy. "Hi," You breathed, trying to not let out your surprise at the changes the boy had made.

He greeted you in reply with a, "It's good to see you." And took you into an embrace. It was loose and short-lived, leaving you desperate for more once he finally pulled away.

As the first day back went on, it soon all started coming out. Conrad had left football, barely sailed anymore and, as of this moment, wasn't doing anything at all. Compared to Steven and Jere who already had part-time jobs lined up. Something was wrong and you were beginning to wonder about would you could do. Such was confirmed after dinner came to an end. The boys rushed to play video games and Belly went upstairs to catch up with her friend, Taylor.

Which left you and the mums, clearing up the plates from the dining room table and taking them into the kitchen to be washed. For a moment, you stood alone at the kitchen sink while the others grabbed what was left at the table. And there, your eyes wandered to the window which looked upon the pool. There sat Conrad, legs dangling in the flickering water that reflected the moonlight. His eyes were down, his back facing you but even so you caught the cig he placed between his lips, lighting it and letting his lungs inhale the smoke.

It was there you felt that sympathy, that desperation with the lingering feeling of betrayal. The same exact thing Conrad had felt all of last Summer; it was a role reversal.

"He could really use you right now, you know?" That sweet voice almost made you jump.

A part of you felt flushed as you turned to face Susannah who was standing in the doorway; you'd just been caught staring at her son. "Hmm?" You resulted in responding.

The blonde let a smile grace her lips for a moment, "You two bring out the best in each other." She stated like the wise woman she was. "I think he could really use that right now."

You nodded in understanding, "I'll talk to him." That was a promise.

Once the table was cleaned up, the moms travelled towards the living room, wine glasses and blankets in hand. It hadn't taken them very long to get comfy as they switched the tv on. Though, it was made for only background noise, as their chatter rose above it. It left you with that nagging curiosity, the question that you hadn't stopped asking yourself since you had arrived: what had changed?

Before you could stop yourself, your feet were dragging you to the outside, where Conrad had thought nobody was watching. He didn't care enough to jolt when he heard the back door rattle open. Rather, he simply turned his head and huffed before looking back at the pool and the joint in his hand.

You didn't say anything. Not for at least two minutes as you occupied the space next to him, dipping your bare legs into the water below, almost close enough they could brush along Conrad's. "Theres about a hundred things I could repeat that you told me last year." You didn't look at him when you spoke, you didn't dare glance at the expression you were sure painted his face.

"But you're not going to?" He questioned, brows raised, plucking at his never-ending wonder when it came to the girl he had grown up beside.

You shrugged, swallowed the lump that was growing in your throat and finally looked over at the boy you had known since childhood. "What's the point?" You said, almost with a laugh you ended up suppressing. "You know it's not good, you know everything wrong with it. You're making the decision to do it anyway."

His expression was blank. It didn't seem as if there were many thoughts being processed. "Then what are you doing sat here?" There was a snap in his tone, a way to protect his bad habits from any helping hands.

The answer for you was simple: "Because I care for you, Conrad." As easy as that.

But such statement had prompted an incentive you hadn't meant it to. Rather than something thoughtful in reply, Conrad had started leaning in. You were too close and he was too fast for you to stop it. Within a moment, the sentiment you had just said had been cut off by the boy's lips as he met your own in a deep, yet rushed, kiss.

One hand reached his shoulder, tearing his lips from you. You breathed like you had been gasping for it and looked him in the eye. All that stared back at you was a regret that wasn't fading. "You're high." You reminded him.

"I didn't mean to-" Your other hand took the joint that was still caught between his fingertips. An action which made him shut up as he followed your hands quickly. "What are you-" Once in your grip, you chucked the substance into the pool, making it impossible to smoke again. "What the hell Y/n!"

When you stood, so did he. "Please, just go to bed." You advised him. Though, you highly doubted he would listen. You never did.

"You're not my mother!" His voice rose.

And you didn't step down, "No, but I'm sure she'd tell you the same thing." You took a breath to fight off the fury that was bubbling within the pit of your stomach. "If you can't go the rest of tonight without smoking the rest of that joint, then maybe accept you've got a dependency problem."

He scoffed as he took a step closer. "You can say all you want, I'll just call you what you are: Hypocrite." His tone was laced in more than just a snappy manner, now it was toxic, it wasn't a tone you ever saw Conrad use and it pained your heart to have it aimed at yourself.

You sucked up the tears that were brimming at your eyelids and made your last statement of the night, "What have you turned into?" You left him with that, turning your back before he could spit any more insults your way, making a B-line for your room again.

There, you let the tears fall. You wondered yourself, who had replaced the gentleman, sweet boy you once knew? You wondered if he was okay, if he would go back to normal? Truth being, you couldn't be sure. The year before, Conrad asked himself the same things. You had been just as angry, just as snappy, with a bad temper that could blow at any given moment. It was like living with weights on your back that tired you into a shell of a person until you felt utterly transparent in this world.

You didn't much talk to Conrad after that encounter. To be fair, Conrad hadn't really been talking to anyone other than the odd grunt if you were lucky. It wasn't until Belly's birthday when things got shaky again. This year, the birthday girl had taken the decision for everyone to go to Nicole's party. Nicole who also happened to be Conrad's not-girlfriend.

As much as you lied to yourself, being in her home felt wrong. Being on her territory knowing what Conrad had done two nights prior. The lingering ghost of his lips had never felt more prominent than right in that moment as you stepped foot into her house. You felt guilty being there. And not just because of the kiss, but because you had been yearning for Conrad to kiss you for a long time now. You just hated the fact such a big moment was ruined by the stench of weed on his mouth that soon caught onto your own.

Steven budged your shoulder, "You alright?" He asked, a sweet smile hanging from his lips, breaking you from the oblivious stare you had been making.

You nodded forcefully, "Yeah, yeah I'm good."

Steven wasn't convinced but a feminine voice broke him from his concern, "Steven!" His head spun around and his lips twisted even further upright like a Cheshire cat.

"Shayla." And like that, the boy was gone.

With a sigh, you followed in Taylor's footsteps to get a drink. She filled herself a cup of some red beverage and then grabbed one for you too. She huffed and you watched as her eyebrows raised, "Well look how quickly we've been forgotten." You would have been annoyed if she hadn't been right. Belly had left her for Nicole as had Conrad left you for her too.

You raised your red solo cup, "Cheers to that." Your tone was flat but Taylor clinked your cup anyway.

You weren't sure what the night had planned, but you could tell something was brewing.

Three or four hours later, a good few drinks down (you had lost count) and you were on the hunt for another one. The night was still lively, music blaring through the house, struggling against the volume of eccentric, drunk teenagers. When you reached the kitchen, you became hungry for something that wasn't tequila and juice. Thinking the kitchen was empty, you waltzed in. Only then to find yourself face-to-face with the one person you were avoiding.

You came to an abrupt stop as your gaze clung to one another. He was leant against one of the counters, his own glass in his hand, so casual in his checkered shirt and wavy hair. A thousand pictures ran through your head. You almost became nervous that Conrad could see you replaying that kiss in your mind. It was all you had been able to think about all night with the booze and having him dancing around you all night.

It took resilience for you to tear your eyes from him as you continued around the kitchen, searching the cupboards for something that suited your tastes better. It took a minute of you shuffling through cereal boxes and plates before Conrad spoke up. "Top right." He nodded to the cupboard he was talking about and you dared to catch a glimpse of him.

You nodded and pushed yourself from the floor to your tip toes as you opened the cupboard. A selection faced you of liquors and beers. You took the bottle of your choice and poured it into your red solo cup. Conrad didn't let his eyes leave you. "You're not gonna say anything this time?" He pushed.

You thought about whether it was best to reply or whether he was just picking another argument. "Why? So you can yell at me?" You raised your brow at him, and let your hip fall to lean on the counter as you faced Conrad, a good three meters between the two of you. But you cut it short, taking a step as your eyes narrowed with your next words, "Or so you can kiss me again?"

As if he were scared of the very word, he stepped from the counter, "Don't-" His finger was lingering towards you as he bit down on his tongue.

"What? Scared your girlfriend's gonna overhear it?"

"She's not- my girlfriend." He almost couldn't say it. "I didn't mean to do that." Once again, you found you lied to yourself thinking you weren't hurt by that fact.

You swallowed that pain and looked him right in the eye, "I'm not gonna argue with you if that's what you want. But, if you ever just want to talk, you know where I am."

You stared at him, waiting, willing, for him to say something. To do as you had offered and talk to you like a human being, to open up about whatever was driving him to make all these reckless decisions. The moment fell and you realised he wasn't going to say anything. You accepted it and went to leave, "Okay, I'll see you around Conrad." Said so disinterested.

You were almost out the door when his voice stopped you again, "Wait." It was hesitant but, somehow it was sure it was the right decision to make. When you met his eyes, they were like a child's. Somehow filled once more with innocence, but mostly, desperation. "I don't wanna talk, I just-" His gaze flickered to the floor for a second. "I just want you to be there...please." This time, he was the one on the edge of tears.

Once that left his mouth, you were in front of him, taking him into your embrace. He had never hung on so tightly to you like he didn't dare let go like you were keeping him afloat. Partway through the hug, you heard him sniffle, causing you to rub his back. "It's okay," You soothed. "It's okay."

"Conrad?" The voice cut through your's and Conrad's bubble like a blade.

You spilt from one another, turning to the doorway to find Nicole standing there. There was a familiar look on her face; the same one you had been wearing all night. You could only imagine what she must have been thinking.

Nicole left, taking half the girls with her. And, not long after, so did you and Conrad. Maybe you were drunk and he was drunk, or high, or both, but it didn't matter. He had let that shell open only slightly and because he had asked for you to be there, you would be. That night, you found yourself in his bed, soothing him as he fell asleep in the crook of your neck. It pained you to see him with the same habits you had once plagued yourself with. And, as tonight had shown, it had only gained him consequences. Ones of which you would worry about another day. For now, you would be there for him.

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