#and she almost fell face first into the surgery before we caught her

[mod2amaryllis]

me: have you ever observed surgery before? :-)

the high schooler shadowing us for a couple hours: nope!

me: okie dokie so I'm just gonna get you a stool

[snaillamp]

Fuck appendixes pt. 3

Christina and Boris were sitting at the desk in the nurses area, discussing their difficult patient. “He’s so much easier to help when he’s drugged up and mellow. I legitimately feel scared to go in alone when he’s in one of his moods.” Boris murmured to her.

It had been half an hour since they had tried giving Enjar Nielson his meds, but he was so difficult to help when he kept refusing it and being so rude and aggressive. “I know it’s hard, Boris. You’ll have people like that sometimes. He seems different though. It’s weird, I see him in town sometimes and he always seems so nice and friendly, what changed?” Christina mused. “We need to get that consult for him that Dr Mathieson wanted. Dr Singh maybe? He seems like the right guy to manage someone so... hard.”

Boris nodded, stroking his chin. “Do his records say anything that we can use?” Christina shook her head. “It’s so weird, the notes are really vague. The last time he was in hospital was due to injuries sustained in a home invasion, that was just some glue to his head and a concussion, but look at before. These are the worst medical notes I’ve ever seen in my 15 years of nursing.”

She clicked onto the file, running her finger under the pitiful sentences. “10 years ago, he went to hospital for: Severe work related injury, major lacerations to face and arms, surgery required. Blood transfusion required, administered in right arm. No more information is available at this ti-” A scream echoing down the hall interrupted her. Boris, Christina and a few other nurses shot up and hurtled down the hallway towards the room.

11B, Mr Enjar Nielson.

Boris reached the doorway first, gasping in horror at what he saw. Enjar was seemingly asleep, thrashing in his bed, tangled in his IV and sheets. Sweat was drenching his body as he squirmed, screaming again, crying out slurred words. Christina pushed past him, yanking off the sheets before looking at him and yelling. “Stoltz! We need to get the IV!”

Boris snapped into action, rushing to Enjar’s side and softly pushing his shoulders into the bed. The man seemed to choke on his panting gasps, tears staining his face as he tried to get free. His right arm flew up, blood already streaming from the IV as he clawed at Boris’ arms. He watched as the man’s eyes flew open, fixed on him and yet also nothing, pupils blown bigger than he had ever seen on someone before.

He felt the sharp fingernails of the man stab painfully into his wrists as he tried to calm the man down, telling him to breathe deeply and that he was in the hospital. The terrified, screaming man didn’t seem to understand as Christina fumbled on gloves to disconnect the IV. Before she could even do that, the man’s grip tightened painfully of Boris’ wrists, before he choked on a hiccup and pushed Boris off with strength he didn’t expect from a sick and injured man.

A rattling, chesty cough overtook Enjar as he shook violently with every convulsion. Christina tried to grab his arm to remove the IV but his wild eyes locked onto it, and before Boris could reach out to stop him, he pulled the cannula from his arm, hurtling it at the wall before wrestling off his oxygen.

Christina stared in horror as the hyperventilating patient stared at his rapidly bleeding arm before his wide eyes rolled back and he fell sideways, only caught by her at the last second. Almost immediately, his breathing calmed and the shaking stopped. Both nurses looked at each other in awe, before they shot into action again, dressing the wound on his elbow and calling the doctor.

~

Dr Fayed heard the screams from his office, jumping from his chair, he ran down the hallway to see a group of nurses crowded around the room 11B, Enjar’s room. Shoving his way through, he reached the bed where his friend lay, limp and pale, sweating profusely. The head nurse, Christina was dressing his bloody elbow, blood also staining her scrubs, the bed, the floor. “What happened in here?” He asked in shock. The younger nurse looked up at him, arguably more pale than the patient, “I have no idea…” he panted.

Dr Fayed pulled a pen light from his pocket, shining them in Enjar’s eyes. His pupils were huge. Feeling his wrist, he raised his eyebrows in shock. The man’s pulse felt like it wanted to jump out of his skin. “Is Dr Mathieson coming?” He asked Christina, who looked at him grimly, nodding. She finished dressing the wound, before stepping back and looking at her blood stained clothes. “Well, time to grab my seconds.” She muttered, mildly annoyed.

She glared at the nurses crowded around the doorway. “Well? Get back to your rounds, ladies and gents. You know better than to gawk.” She huffed as they all muttered apologies, shuffling away and returning to their work.

Dr Fayed looked at the man below him, watching his chest rise and fall. “Oh Enjar. What has happened to you?”

~

Dr Mathieson flew into the ward looking ready to kill. “Where is my patient!” He yelled, face contorted and pink with rage. Christina shot up and rushed to his side, “Shhh, we’re trying to be quiet so we don’t make him fly into an episode again. Dr Singh is with him right now. Just... be quiet for once.” Dr Mathieson drew in a long, sharp breath, sighing steadily. “Alright.”

When he entered the room, a tall man was taking a seat by the bedside of his patient. He had a fancy, mauve coloured silk vest on over a neatly pressed, crisp white shirt and perfectly fitted dark grey dress pants. His leather shoes could probably have reflected Dr Mathieson’s face in them if he looked at them. He had a matching mauve turban wrapped around his head and was twisting an expertly curled moustache with his right hand, his low, vibrating voice quietly talking to a fast breathing Enjar. The man’s shaking hand was squeezing the doctor’s own, his long fingers curled around the patient’s pale, clammy ones.

He turned at the sound of Dr Mathieson entering the room. “Ah, Tomas…” He whispered, beckoning him in. “Nice and slow okay, we need to work with him, not against him.” Dr Mathieson nodded, taking a cautious step into the room and glancing at his patient, who was staring at the ceiling, eyes streaming with thick, hot tears. “We are just having a moment together, then you and I can talk. You’re welcome to join Ahmed.” The tall doctor did a tiny, slow gesture towards Dr Fayed, who was leaning against the wall looking angry.

Dr Mathieson watched as Dr Singh gently brought his right hand down to Enjar’s hand. It was still tightly gripping his own and he could see Dr Singh's skin going pale as the blood flow was stopped in the iron grip. “I’m touching your hand, can you feel it?” He whispered, watching in the rapidly fading light as the silent crying man nodded. Dr Singh stroked the back of the man’s hand very softly, before speaking again. “I’m going to touch your forearm, okay? Remember that you are in a safe place, and if you want me to stop, just say the words.” Enjar jerked his head in a small nod, swallowing as he closed his eyes. “Breathe in deep for me, Enjar.” The doctor trailed his fingers down the man’s forearm, guiding him in his breaths.

~

Enjar felt the delicate title of the man’s soft fingers. His presence was calming, he smelled nice, his scent filling the room. Some kind of deep, sweet, herbal smell, maybe floral? He felt the man’s hand trail to his elbow as the told himself over and over: ‘It’s a hospital, not that hospital. I’m safe, I’m safe. Stop being pathetic Enjar.'

He heard the man’s strangely deep, vibrating voice again. “I’m going to touch your upper arm and shoulder. Tell me if you want me to stop. Remember where you are and try to ground yourself.” Enjar let out another shaky breath as the man’s fingers traveled up his arm, then rested on his shoulder.

“Good, good.” The doctor coached, squeezing his shoulder ever so slightly.

“Please… don’t hurt me…” Enjar whispered, trying to push the image of the gloves and helmeted men from his mind. They weren’t the enemy. They were the medic squad, he shouldn’t be afraid of them. “I won’t hurt you.” The helmeted man by his side said, before the image in his mind seemed to dissolve and he heard the new doctor’s voice again. “I am not here to hurt you.”

He heard a shuffle from somewhere around him, and he twitched, before the steady hand rested on his shoulder a little harder. “It’s just Dr Mathieson, Enjar. He won’t hurt you. I need you to ground yourself, alright. Take all the time you need. I’m going to place my hand on your chest now. Tell me to stop if you don’t want it.”

Enjar gulped as he stared at the ceiling, looking at the light fixtures above him. He felt the doctor’s hand move over his shoulder and stop on his chest lightly, right above his pounding heart. “Keep breathing, you’re doing so well Enjar. In and out with me, now.”

Enjar heard the man’s deep, sighing breaths and copied. The gentle hand on his chest felt comforting, the pleasant weight resting over his heart and the breaths that were making him feel faint. After a few minutes, he suddenly became awake of where he was, drawing in a deep breath and blinking as his vision cleared as if a wave of clarity had hit him like a truck.

“There we are. Did you want a lamp on so you can see better?” The doctor asked. Enjar took a moment before shaking his head. The dark was safe. He was safe. “That’s okay. Take all the time you need to come back to us.”

Enjar sat up, hunched over for several minutes, breathing deeply as a hand rested between his shoulder blades. With every breath, he felt like he was shedding his heavy Enjar suit and actually becoming himself once more. It no longer felt like he was looking through someone else’s eyes, feeling through someone else’s skin and hearing through someone else’s ears. He was back.

That meant the pain came back too.

He groaned, clutching his stomach and laying back down coughing a little. He squeezed his eyes shut, before mumbling barely coherent words. “Can I have the lamp on now?” Dr Fayed smiled, “Of course, Enjar.” He whispered, leaning over to the dim lamp in the dark room, switching it on. Enjar saw the light come one behind his eyes lids, and after getting used to the brightness, he opened his eyes, sighing.

“I feel like shit.” He whispered, slurring his words. Dr Singh smiled, “That’s understandable, you’ve been through a lot. Take your time, Mr Nielson. I just need to talk to your doctor.” Enjar felt a twinge of panic. He didn't want to be alone. “Will you come back?” His voice hitched as he asked. “Of course. But I do have to go for a short time.” Enjar nodded, rolling onto his side and relishing in the fact he could pull his right arm around himself and not be restrained by the oxygen. Holding his blankets over him as he curled up, he lay there, watching the three men leave the room.

~

Dr Mathieson shut the door and looked at the two doctors. “So what exactly happened here?” Dr Singh, towering over Dr Mathieson crossed his arms and answered with an accusatory tone. “Your patient experienced one of the worst traumatic episodes I’ve seen in my career, that’s what.” Dr Mathieson felt a pile of lead settle in his stomach, before it erupted into fire. “Are you insinuating that I did not look after my patient?”

The taller doctor looked down his hooked nose and smirked. “Of course not, Tomas, but I am concerned that it got to that stage in the first place.” Dr Mathieson huffed, pacing the hallway. “And what about you? Why were you in there?” He snapped at Dr Fayed. “I was passing by and I heard him screaming bloody murder. He ripped his IV from his elbow and threw it across the room.” Dr Mathieson scoffed. “That explains the blood everywhere. So what he went insane?”

Dr Singh grimaced. “No, I would prefer the term, went into a fight or flight response. It seems he thought he was somewhere else, perhaps the same place as where he received his scarring. Either way, he wasn’t lucid or aware of his surroundings, think of it like a dream but you’re awake and asleep at the same time.”

“So who’s fault is this?” Dr Mathieson asked, shrugging. “Well, nobody’s and everyone’s. Pointing fingers at what everyone did and didn’t do correctly is not going to help. What we should focus on right now is getting him through this, Doctor Mathieson.” Dr Singh finished shortly. He twirled his moustache. “What is his treatment plan like?”

Dr Mathieson ran a hand through his hair, brow creasing in thought. “He need IV antibiotics and fluids. The nurse made a note that his surgical site may be showing signs of infection, apart from that, rest and sleep.” Dr Singh nodded, stroking his chin. “It looked like he hadn’t been sleeping well. Was he being interrupted a lot?”

The head nurse, Christina wandered over, hearing the question. “We were doing hourly vitals and he had a malfunctioning machine in there that kept beeping for a bit. Any sleep he was getting was maybe 20 minutes at a time, maybe slightly more. It seemed like he was deliberately staying awake too, before he’d pass out at random times.”

Dr Singh nodded again. “Right, well let’s get treatment back on track. I want his IV in his hand and easier mobility for him. Maybe give him a bath and some kind of independence. Let him feel in control. We can adjust from there, okay? Any issues, call me immediately.”

All three doctors nodded, before Dr Singh cracked the door open, peeking in.

Enjar looked up at him, smiling a little. “How are you feeling?” The doctor asked as he sat up a little. “Sore… Tired... Drained… I just want to be left alone to sleep.” Dr Singh nodded, adjusting his vest slightly. “We will leave you to that, Enjar. However I want to discuss with you your sleep. Have you been getting any?” Enjar felt a small ball of anxiety settle on his chest. “I can’t… Too many memories.” He looked at the doctor, his voice hoarse from screaming.

“They hurt me. The target… All I remember is waking up with my face being covered in gauze and a mask… Black gloves and guys in tactical gear…” Dr Singh moved his head in curiosity. “You were a soldier?” Enjar shook his head. “Special Ops. I helped take down so many guys… bombers, shooters, murderous maniacs…” He sighed, “My team… was my family. We went out on a mission, the target had kidnapped a woman… but we didn’t realise that he wanted us to turn up. I was the only one of my unit to survive, but not without…” His fingers traced the cuts on his arms, a haunted expression on his face.

“I hit my head on a rock and passed out, but I was bleeding a lot. When they found me I woke up and they kept me alive, barely… The hospital in the capital was hell. I was so scared, they didn’t listen to me, it was happening too fast and I just needed a second to catch up.” A hot tear fell down his face and Dr Singh hummed.

Enjar woke to a blank ceiling. He tried to move his arms and legs but they wouldn’t move. The cuffs had strapped him firmly down as he tried to escape... howling at the doctor to wait, to stop, that he wasn’t ready.... He tugged at the leather straps so hard he felt his wrist pop, before two nurses pounced on his right arm, holding it down and letting the doctor penetrate it with a needle....

He couldn’t move, scream, cry, he wanted to run but he was strapped down and it was all to much… The cold liquid filled his arm making it ache, they couldn't do this... he had the choice to say no didn't he? His mind was going a million miles an hour as he felt a jab in his arm and his mind tipped sideways...

Dr Singh frowned, looking angry. “That should never have happened to you Enjar. What that doctor did was wrong, they should have listened to you.” Enjar shook his head. “It was a classified case… Their job was to keep me alive so that I could go to court and testify. My organisation didn’t see me as a person. I was a tool. A means to an end, and that meant they could do anything they wanted. They didn’t even use my name. I was Officer 6926… It was all in my contract...”

Dr Singh rested his hand on Enjar’s and he held it, enjoying the warmth. “Well here, you’re Enjar. I hear that now, you’re a lighthouse keeper. That must be interesting.” Enjar's eyes light up. “It’s the best job in the world." Dr Singh nodded, encouraging him. "I work for the Coast Guard keeping ships safe and even do rescue missions when they need me. I’ve gotten really good at bird watching too, and if I wake up early enough, I can watch the dolphins, whales and seals come in. If I'm lucky, an orca... ” Dr Singh smiled at him, nodding. “That sounds like a dream.”

Sadness washed over Enjar’s face. “I want to go home. Back to my cabin. To my own place. Everything feels… right there.” The doctor nodded, squeezing his hand. “I want to talk to you about that. The sooner we can get you well, the sooner you can go home.” His face made a shiver go down Enjar’s spine.

“This means you’ll need an IV.” Enjar tensed, but the doctor squeezed his hand, “I will make sure they put it in your hand, not your elbow. I’ll need to look at your charts, but I’d say a week or so from now, you might be able to go home to bed rest. We can organise someone to check in on you too. You’ll need to come for check ups of course, but I see you making a full recovery, though this is not my area of expertise.”

Relief filled Enjar as he relaxed, nodding after considering it. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

~

“Ready?” The nurse asked Enjar as his hand began to shake. His breath hitched with anxiety. “Remember what we talked about, Enjar.” Dr Singh’s deep voice reminded him. “It’s like a wave, you just have to face it and let it wash over you, then it well be over and you’ll be fine.” Enjar nodded, gulping. “Okay, I’m ready.”

He shut his eyes and flinched as he felt a small prick, then nothing. A minute later the rush of cold fluid into his veins made him grimace, but he felt fine, if not a little jittery. “You did wonderfully, Enjar. I’m proud of you.” Dr Singh smiled wide, flashing his shining teeth, before it fell.

“You feeling okay?” Enjar felt a slight faint feeling creep over him, the blood draining from his face. “I think I might be fai…” His head lolled to the side as he went limp. “That was to be expected. Give him a minute.”

When he came to, Enjar felt fine. He groaned, moving his arm and feeling nothing but the dressing on his elbow crease. “Welcome back, don’t worry you were out for less than a minute.” Dr Singh comforted him. “I have to go now, but you did well Enjar.”

~

Sleeping was easier for the next few days, the IV so much more comfortable. The dreams were still happening, but he would only twitch or moan in his sleep when he had them, not even remembering them after he woke up.

A day or two later, Matthew and Gunnar came to visit, bringing with them well wishes from the Base and other lighthouse keepers, before they stepped aside and revealed a face Enjar hadn’t seen in many years.

“Johaan?” Enjar laughed, sitting up and watching as the hunched over old man shuffled into the room, leaning on a cane. “Ah, my protégé! How are you my boy? Looking after my old home well?” Enjar smirked, “Evidently not, sir.” The leathery skin on the old man’s face creased as he faked offense. “Now, now, boy, what did I say about all that formality crap, hmm?” He burst into laughter, flashing a toothy grin. “It seems like you have even less teeth than last time!” Enjar joked back as the hunched elder wrapped his arms around Enjar’s frame. “I still have plenty of teeth. Oh, but I missed you, my boy.” He muttered, jokingly before sitting back and reminiscing with the younger man about his own time in the tower.

Enjar seemed to really perk up over the next few days. A mild infection was treated on his wounds and by his second week in hospital he was being prepared for discharge. Matthew and a nurse helped him put on some fresh clothes, before helping him to his weak feet and almost dragging him to a wheelchair. He hugged his delicate stomach tight as they wheeled him down to the entrance of the hospital and into the Coast Guard Four-Wheel Drive.

Matthew jumped in the front seat, revving the engine and starting off, Enjar laying back and sighing in content, he was finally going home. “We just have to make a quick stop first.” Matthew leaned over the seat as he glanced at Enjar, “What, forget to get your wife an anniversary gift?” Enjar joked. Matthew scoffed, “No… Wait what day is it?” Enjar opened an eye and looked at him, amused.

“14th.”

Matthew looked a little pale. “Oh, yeah, okay two stops.” Enjar chuckled, wincing at the pain it caused, before closing his eye again. They stopped at a corner store, Matthew rushing in and coming back with a box of chocolates. “For me? How thoughtful.” Enjar teased, watching Matthew go red. “Shut up. Just cause you’re sick doesn’t mean I won’t hit you.” He smiled, looking at Enjar properly. “I’m glad you’re back, though. I missed your endless taunting.”

~

Enjar watched the streets turn to empty roads, before they reached a building he hadn’t seen in a while. The large, red and white concrete building with it’s radio towers and lights was nestled into the mist. “Everyone wanted to say hi.” Matthew said, as he got out of the car.

Enjar opened the door and slid out, leaning heavily on the door. “I can get the chair if you want it? You don’t have to be all tough and shit in there.” Matthew said, gesturing at the boot of the car. Enjar gritted his teeth, shaking his head. “I want to try. Just the length of the car and if I can’t then sure.”

Matthew rolled his eyes, before slinging Enjar’s arm over his shoulders and helping him walk. With each step, Enjar seemed to get slightly stronger, until they made it to the door. Enjar gripped the wall for a minute, catching his breath, before nodding. “Ready.” He muttered.

Matthew opened the door and Enjar smiled at the familiar smell of must and burnt coffee that greeted him. They limped through the reception area and into the main office, where someone yelled out, causing the 10 people in the office to all look up and cheer.

Enjar blushed, looking at his feet. Somehow, he ended up in the centre of the office, seated in a comfortable chair with a warm, very burnt coffee in his hands and showered in hugs and greetings. The officers were all happy to see their favourite lighthouse keeper (although they would never admit that), happy, well and alive.

Enjar was shown all the new equipment they had just received. Gunnar was particularly excited about a large chainsaw, and one of the radio operators proudly showed off their collection of birds they had spotted in the area, neatly ticked off in a bird book. Before long, Enjar felt the pain creeping into his body and he apologised, insisting he it was time for him to go home.

As he was helped from the office, he laughed at how everyone was being so careful and delicate with him, almost as if he was made of glass. As Matthew loaded him into the truck again, he sat back and watched the sun begin to set along the coastline, feeling the nerves and turmoil of the past fortnight settle as the sea air filled his lungs.

“Nearly there buddy.” Matthew murmured as he pulled up to the lighthouse. The officers at Base had all been taking shifts to operate it while he was gone, and Enjar was little apprehensive to see how many things he would probably have to fix because of that, but most importantly, he was home.

~

As Matthew opened the door, Enjar sighed. Everything was fine, except for some muddy footprints on the floor. He rolled his eyes as Matthew gently placed him on the couch next to the door. “You’ll be okay from here?” He asked Enjar again for the millionth time, looking nervous. “Yes. The nurse will be coming tomorrow, so if I die or anything, I’m sure they will rescue me.” Enjar insisted, half annoyed.

“Okay, okay…” Matthew asked, admitting defeat. Biting his lip, Enjar decided it was best to do it now. “Hey… You know what I said when I was sick…” He fiddled with his hands as Matthew said it was nothing, assuring him that it was fine and that he had been sick. “Just be quiet… I’m sorry. You saved my life, Matthew. Thank you.” Enjar grinned.

Matthew plonked down on the couch, causing it to groan under the strain. “Hey, you saved mine when I was a rookie, think of it as me returning the favour. Now we're even.” He smirked before standing. “I gotta get home. Call if you-“

Enjar rolled his eyes, finishing Matthew’s sentence, “-Need anything. I swear if you say that one more time I’m going to throw you off the tower.” Matthew grabbed the door, laughing. “You gotta catch me first!”

He waved goodbye, leaving Enjar to sit in the silence of his cabin. It felt good to be home, his anxiety finally calmed and his mind at ease.

Easing himself up, he slowly made his way across his home, grabbing onto chairs, benches and door frames, before finally making it to his bed. He collapsed face first into the soft mattress, exhausted. “I missed you…” He mumbled into the sheets, freshly washed by one of the guards.

Crawling into bed, he stared at the ceiling, looking at the knots in the wood of the awnings. He had counted them many times with his eyes on nights that he couldn’t sleep, but tonight, his eyes fell shut before he got past number 4.

That night he had the best sleep he had had in a really long time.

~masterlist~

[felicitysmoaksx]

Happy Monday everyone! Hope this update finds you well! After this, we only have one more chapter and that isn't coming out till Friday or Saturday! As always thanks for the kudos and comments and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

My song recs for this chapter are Call It What You Want by Taylor Swift and At Least by Jessica Biao

Rating: Explicit (Minors DNI 18+)

Summary:  Blue eyes flicked down to his lover asleep once more. Her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. There was not a doubt in his mind that he knew Sarah. At least where it counted. He knew what kind of person she was. He knew her heart. But he didn’t know the stories of what made her heart the way that he knew it.  

Word Count: 5.6k

Warnings: Sexual Content, Depictions of parental abandonment, depictions of violence, inaccurate medical procedures, and implied/references a canonical character death.

Read On AO3 | Fic Playlist | Want to be tagged when I post a Rheese story?

Hold On, I Still Want You Ch. 4

Sarah was transferred to the ICU after her surgery. Voight’s son was already up there because they couldn’t find any bullet in him. Connor breathed a sigh of relief when she was wheeled into the small room. Even if it was intensive care. 

He was texting Lindsay about her transfer when Ava walked into the room. “I’ve been in contact with Detective Lindsay.” 

At Connor’s look of confusion, the blonde woman continued, “She’s Sarah's emergency contact. She also has medical power of attorney. She has told me, I can share information with you about Sarah’s case.” 

“So how bad was it?” He asked, seeing her face and bracing for the worst. But to his relief, his partner in the field of sorts, held up her hands with the beginnings of a smile on her face.

“She did really well, all things considered. We had to give her three more units of blood and one plasma. She got lucky, with the way the bullets went in, she might’ve been paralyzed or it could’ve hit her esophagus. We pulled out two bullets, but they never perforated her spine or went through her esophagus. It’s almost as if she had a shield in front of her.”

Connor sighed heavily in relief and turned back to look at his lover. Though she was still pale, a little color had returned to her so her skin no longer looked translucent. She wore a neck brace, but that was just so she didn’t move her neck in her sleep if she became restless. Then his trauma surgeon's brain caught something. Last time he saw Sarah she was bagged and being attached to a ventilator. But now…He turned back to Ava, “You extubated her. She’s breathing on her own.”

“I took a chance in recovery. She passed the breathing tests with flying colors, was protecting her airway, and her oxygen levels and CO2 stats were good so I took her breathing tube out.” The blonde explained with a shrug. 

“Thank you,” Connor exhaled audibly and said in a sincere tone, “I know you really don’t care for trauma. But you helped her when I couldn’t.”

The blonde smirked at him, “We both know that you would’ve. If I hadn’t been there. Or at least tried.” 

Connor looked sheepish as he rubbed the back of his neck. He would’ve, but they both know it would’ve been dangerous for him and Sarah both.  

Ava graced him with one of her rare genuine smiles. Her gaze flicked to her friend and patient that lay asleep in the bed. “Besides, I did it as much for her as I did for you. When I first came to Med, you know Reese was the first person to reach out to me?”

“No,”

Her gaze flicked back to Connor as she chuckled, “She told me she knew how it felt to be the new girl. Said it’d just take time for people to warm up. Asked me how I was settling in and when I said I was struggling a little with putting a few furniture pieces together, she texted me the next day asking if I was still having trouble with my furniture and if I wanted help with them before asking for my address. She showed up with Dr. Halstead’s brother, Atwater, and Ruzek in tow. My remaining furniture pieces got put together that day. She was also the one who told me you weren’t that bad and that I should give you a chance.” 

“She did?” The double-certified surgeon glanced behind him, half expecting his lover to confirm or deny what the other woman was saying. But to his slight dismay, even though he knew it wasn’t going to happen, his lover remained still, with her eyes closed.

“Yeah, she said you were a good guy. Said you were a little rough around the edges, but you really cared about your patients and tried to do your best to help them. Just that you also had a lot going on at the time because of Robin.”

“She never mentioned that…” Sarah never mentioned a lot, he was learning as the day went on. 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

Throughout the day, his lover had a revolving door of visitors, though she never knew it. Everyone from the ED, even Doris. (who Sarah thought didn’t particularly like her) Goodwin came in not long after Ava had left him alone. She stayed for a few minutes before Dr. Choi sent her an urgent page. 

And to Connor’s shock, Dr. Latham made an appearance. 

“Dr. Latham,” Connor started as he stood up to address his attending doctor, “I know I have that teachable bypass today-”

But his mentor held up a hand, “It has been taken care of. Dr. Bekker informed me of what happened and volunteered to lead the surgery. I'm sorry about Dr. Reese. She has always been kind to me when others have not.”

Latham struggled with emotions and his bedside manner was a little lacking conventionally.  The dark-haired surgeon knew that, but he had also worked with his mentor long enough to know that his coldness didn’t mean he didn’t care-that he wasn’t sincere. 

“Thank you, Dr. Latham.” He said to his mentor as he sat back down. He grabbed Sarah’s hand once more. 

“I hope Dr. Reese has a fast recovery and you take as much time as you need to be with her. Dr. Bekker and I have your patients,”

Connor’s mentor left a few minutes later and when they were alone again, Connor leaned up and pressed a kiss to Sarah’s forehead. He lingered a little, needing to feel her skin against his for a moment. Then he whispered, “Did you hear that, Sarah? I don’t have to leave you for a long while. You’re stuck with me. You just have to open those brown eyes that I’m such a damn sucker for.” 

Dr. Charles and his family (his wife, Robin, and her husband, Marcus) came by a little after Dr. Latham left. By way of greeting the older man said, “Sharon told us what happened.”

“Dr. Bekker said she’s responding well. The surgery went as well as expected, but she will be looking at a pretty good recovery time, but she should pull through.” Connor answered the unasked question Dr. Charles was asking. 

Sarah’s boss nodded. The double-certified surgeon half expected him to say something in that shrink voice of his. 

(“Don’t call it a shrink voice Connor! Shrink has bad connotations to it.” Sarah’s voice echoed in his head.)  

But a little to his surprise it was his ex-girlfriend that spoke up. Not that should’ve surprised him, he knew Robin held Sarah in very high regard after Sarah treated her. She always said Sarah didn’t make her feel like she was going crazy. Even when her tumor was making it so, “Good. She’s too much of an excellent doctor to lose.”

Caroline Charles broke away from her husband’s side and shuffled closer to the hospital bed. 

“Poor girl,” she said quietly as she reached down and squeezed Sarah’s hand, noticing the bruises and marks on both of her wrists.

“What happened here? Sharon didn’t mention this. Daniel, come and look at her wrists.”

Connor ran a hand through his hair. His blue eyes had pointedly chosen not to look at her wrists if he didn’t have to because every time he did, the already agitated monster in his chest, at Sarah being shot, would roar at the sight of her wrists. And he’d have to resist the urge to storm out and find the guy, and strangle him with his bare hands himself. 

“Her wrists and the other victim’s wrists were bound together with barbed wire when they were brought in,” his lover’s hand spasmed in his. Connor knew it was just a reflex, but it was almost as if Sarah knew they were talking about her. 

Marcus hissed, “My buddy is a corrections officer. He says that’s what prisoners do when they want the message across that something is personal.”

The hand that wasn’t holding Sarah’s, curled into a tight fist. The monster raged and roared in his chest. 

“Voight’s son right? That’s who the other victim is?” Dr. Charles questioned. Connor nodded. The older man sighed heavily as he took off his glasses to clean them. 

“I don’t envy the conversation Sharon is on her way to have with Hank right now. Last I heard, Sam Abrams is in the process of legally declaring his son brain dead. Dr. Choi called him for a consult because they found damaged brain tissue.” 

“Is he brain dead? They can’t repair the damage done to the brain tissue?” Caroline asked, and her husband shook his head. He explained, “In a way. The bullet that he was hit with went right through his brain tissue and that doesn’t regenerate like skin tissue will. Brain tissue doesn’t come back at all and there is no procedure we have that can repair tissue like that yet. He won’t wake up again. Ever.”

“And it went right through him because Ava pulled two bullets out of Sarah. But scans showed no bullets in him and we know Dr. Choi was thorough.” Connor said, “The running theory is that he saved her life because Ava said with where the bullets were, her injuries should’ve been a lot worse. Torn esophagus, and possibly being paralyzed from the waist but miraculously, they’re not. Almost as if she had a shield in front of her.”

“Or someone acting as one in front of her,” Dr. Charles said grimly. 

The Charles family left soon after. Caroline had a check-up for the clinical trial, after her heart valve surgery. Before Robin and her new husband left, she reached out and squeezed Connor’s shoulder. “I know this probably feels like déjà vu to you. But she’ll wake up, Connor. She’ll be okay. You and Dad keep me updated on her okay? And when she’s up for it, I’ll expect to catch up with you and her, alright?” 

“When she’s feeling better,” Marcus spoke quietly, “When she’s up for it we can go on a do-over double date. I’d like to thank her for what she’s done for my wife.”

“I hope everything works out for Cece and the clinical trial.” The surgeon glanced up at his ex-girlfriend and her husband before he nodded at them. Then his gaze returned to Sarah. He was alone with his lover once more. 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

He had been in the middle of telling Sarah a story from his childhood when there was a soft tapping at the door. Looking up, he raised a hand to acknowledge Justin’s wife, who stood there looking more lost than even he felt. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just…didn’t know where else to go. Hank’s here and I wanted to give him some alone time with Justin. We’ve decided to…pull him off of life sup-port...” She mumbled as soon as she opened the door, her voice breaking at the end. She rubbed at her eyes which looked red and puffy like she had been crying. She probably had been. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Connor told her sympathetically and she nodded mutely. Then she moved to Sarah’s other side.

“Hank asked her to talk to him. That’s why she was there with him.” Olive broke the silence as she moved to fuss over the curly-haired brunette’s blanket. “Justin has-had a pretty rough past with getting into trouble. Hank worried he was falling into old habits, but he wouldn’t talk about it with his dad. So Hank asked Sarah to talk to him.”

“Was he? Falling back into old habits?” He asked and two fat tears rolled down Olive’s cheeks. It made Connor feel bad having to ask. But he needed to know that Sarah wasn’t shot over a stupid mistake. “No, just the opposite. He was trying to help a friend’s widow get out of that life after her ex-boyfriend roped her back into it. But he didn’t want Hank to get involved because he didn’t want to get her in trouble.”

“What happened to her? The lady he was trying to help?” Connor questioned. 

“Dead. They found her late last night. The same way they found Justin and Sarah. In the trunk of her car. But I didn’t know that until Hank told me ten minutes ago. I don’t think Justin knew either. He always said Hank never liked to bring work home.”

Meaning that today never should’ve happened because everything Justin Voight had done was for nothing and Sarah had just been caught in the crossfire of it all. The monster in his chest roared at the thought. To subdue the creature, Connor cradled her open palm in his and pressed her hand to his cheek. To serve as a reminder to him that she was still here; she wasn't going anywhere. They were just waiting for her to wake up.

He pressed a kiss to her palm just as another knock rattled against the window pane softly. Hank Voight stood on the other side of the door.

“Olive, they’re fixing to…” the older man trailed off when he slid the door open, “I thought you might want to be there when-when it happens.” 

Olive looked like she might cry again and Connor felt a swell of sympathy run through him. Still, the woman put on a brave face and nodded. She had started to make her out of the room, pausing only when she noticed Hank wasn’t following her. 

“Hank?”

“You go on ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.” The police sergeant promised her. When she was gone, back across the ICU, the older man moved more into the room. 

“Hey Kid,” Voight’s voice was low and gentle as he addressed Sarah, approaching her bedside. He laid a gentle hand on her forehead, “You know how I’ve always said I’m with you till the world blows up? Well, right now my world is pretty much blown to bits. So do me a favor, if you can, and keep fighting. I can’t imagine losing one kid right now. Let alone two.” 

Voight was Sarah’s dad? But before the question could take root in his mind, the man himself addressed Connor. 

“Thank you for staying with her.” 

“No place I’d rather be,” he told the police sergeant, “Just do me a favor and get this guy.”

“You can count on it,” Voight told him. His tone was lethal sounding. Connor eyed the other man. He didn’t know Hank Voight well, but he knew of the man’s reputation. Working in Chicago Med for the last three and half years had seen to that. Despite this being one of the very few conversations he had ever had with him, he believed Hank Voight when he said something. 

“Then I’ll be here till she asks me to leave,” Connor nodded to the woman sleeping in the bed. The older man nodded at him then with one last glance at Sarah and a squeeze to her free hand, he walked out of the room as quietly as he came in. 

Erin arrived not too long after that, holding a very worn-looking teddy bear under her arm. She stopped when she saw him sitting there. Her question came with an air of being stunned. “You really have been here the whole time, haven’t you?”  

“I told you I would be and I didn’t l want her to wake up alone. She doesn't deserve that,” he said while Sarah mumbled something in her sleep. 

“No one does,” the woman agreed, setting the bear down at the foot of the bed and watching as Connor shushed and soothed her pseudo-sister. 

He wasn’t who Erin pictured for Sarah. He was too brash and seemed a little too overconfident for her liking. Sarah needed someone who was patient with her. Someone a little soft. But then again, the other woman’s type mostly consisted of jerks that disguised themselves as nice guys first. Like Joey. Ugh. The manipulative, passive-aggressive asshole, who tried to make Sarah bad when she didn’t choose pathology. Besides the way the dark-haired man in front of Erin looked at Sarah…it was like he was in love with her. 

But that also prompted a question in Erin’s head.

“How long exactly have you and Sarah been together?” She asked, giving the question in her head a voice.

“Give or take about six months,” he answered, then he spied the worn stuffed animal, “You know the gift shop has a pretty good selection of bears to choose from.”

Six months and Erin hadn’t realized something was up till just two months ago? How? She thought to herself as she told him, “The bear has seen better days, I know. But I’ve known Sarah a long time and she’s had it for as long as I can remember. She’s sentimental about it. I stopped by her apartment to get it before coming here. I thought it might help if she had it. Some kind of luck, I guess.”

“No one has said they’re worried about her not making it through this. In fact, her doctor is very optimistic about her recovery. They even took out her breathing tube after they took the bullets out.” Connor interrupted the detective, even though she hadn’t asked. But the way she had said her last sentence had triggered something in him. 

Though Goodwin, Ava, and Abrams had stopped by to perform an unusual brain activity test in Connor’s opinion, because she was protecting her airway, and breathing on her own, and Ava hadn’t voiced any concerns about Sarah’s brain activity before the test. 

But it might’ve had to do with the tragedy of Justin Voight and that it was one of their own doctors that had the head of the hospital airing on the side of extra caution.  Erin Lindsay nodded at the information before asking, “What have you been doing here for hours?”

The surgeon shrugged, “Talking to her mostly. I’ve made all these kinds of promises to her when she wakes up.”

Erin’s lips twitched upward a little. Maybe there was a soft side to the brooding Connor Rhodes after all.

He gave another shrug, “They say comatose patients can hear everything you say. And even though she’s not in a coma and just heavily sedated, I thought the same principles might apply here.”

 He paused, the ghost of a smile appearing on his face as he gestured to Sarah, still fast asleep in the hospital bed. “I'm a sucker for brown eyes. But especially hers. All she has to do is bat them at me and I’m wrapped around her little finger and she knows it.”

“I bet she uses it to her advantage too.” The detective nodded with a snorted watery chuckle. Then she moved to face the girl in the bed; her tone was gentle, almost teasing as she said, “Hey, Sarah. Do you know Teddy is coming down from New York? I told him you were going to be fine. But he said he was still coming to see for himself and you know how much he hates coming to Chicago. Do you feel special yet?”

Then she grabbed Sarah’s hand and squeezed it softly as she explained to Connor, “My little brother. Teddy. I called him and told him what happened. He’s close to Sarah too. He’s coming from New York. But won’t be here till tomorrow.”

There was a lull and then…

“Have you found who did this yet?” Connor asked quietly as Erin looked down at Sarah. The detective looked back up and shook her head sadly, “We have a name and we can link him back to two other crimes and a good chance of linking him back to this one, but now it’s a matter of finding him. I just wanted to check on her before we start running down our leads.” 

“Thank you for staying with her.” She said after another beat of silence. He nodded but told her, “You don’t have to thank me, Detective Lindsay. I’m just sitting with her.”

“Dr. Rhodes, you are giving me peace of mind that the woman I’ve considered a sister for…I don’t even know how long, is not alone throughout all this. And with that peace of mind, I can catch this bastard that did this to them because I know that if she wakes up confused and scared, she’s not by herself.”

“Connor,” he said. 

“Huh?” 

“Call me Connor. Dr. Rhodes feels too formal for the situation. Especially when we have a person in common now.”

 “Then call me Erin.” 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

Ava came by to check on her one more time before she left for the night. “Rhodes, I’ll have my phone and pager on me all night. If something changes or happens, you call me. I don’t care about the hour of the night.” 

When she was leaving, April and Maggie showed up a second time before they also went home for the night. They exchanged a few words and tight smiles between the three women. But when the charge nurse saw him, she sighed and folded her arms. “Okay. You’ve been here all day. According to Sandra,”

She gestured to the ICU charge nurse, “The only time she or any of the other nurses have seen you leave is to use the restroom. You are going to go get you something to eat and shower. April and I will stay with her while you’re gone.” 

“Maggie, I’m-”

“When was the last time you ate Connor? Got something to drink? Or got some fresh air? It’ll take an hour at best. You’ll be back before you know it and like I said, April and I will be here with her in case she wakes up.”

It didn’t help that his stomach chose that moment to grumble, announcing that it was running on empty. He sighed and glanced at his lover. Leaning down to kiss her forehead, he whispered: “I’ll be right back baby. I promise.”

With a heavy sigh, Connor stood and looked at the two nurses. He conceded, “An hour.”

The two nurses nodded back with smiles that were equally encouraging as they were sympathetic. 

“We’ll be here,” April reassured him smoothly as she sidestepped him to take the seat he had been occupying.

“Hey Sarah, how are you holding up?” He heard her ask his lover. When the charge nurse saw him trying to linger, she shooed him once more. 

“Go, Connor. We got her.” He sighed and turned, forcing his legs to carry him away from Sarah’s room and to the cafeteria first. 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

Thirty minutes later, Connor was back with his hair damp, in a change of clothes, and his messenger bag slung over his shoulder. Maggie raised an eyebrow when she looked up and saw him. 

“I ate. You can ask Mary in the cafeteria, she served me. And I took a shower, those were your two main requirements. You never actually said how long it had to take…Speaking of, how long has he been here and trying to stare a hole through her?” 

Neither nurse asked who the double-certified was referring to. But April hesitated with her answer before she shrugged, “A few minutes after you left. Word around the hospital is that he’s pissed.” 

“Pissed? What the hell does he have to be pissed about?” 

“Nothing from everyone else’s perspective. But from his…how much has Sarah told you about her relationship with Joey?” 

“Not much.” Nothing at all in fact. All Connor knew was that he hit Sarah up a few times a month looking for a booty call that she never answered because she was with Connor. But the lab tech was persistent. Until she finally blocked him after a particular lewd message. And that he looked at her as if she was a piece of meat.

“Joey tends to have a type. Med students in rotation at this hospital. The rules dictate that residents and above doctors in departments can’t date med students in rotation. However, the basement never gets any med students for rotation so he found a loophole in that rule because of that. He just moves from one med student to the next. I didn’t know about it till Reese started dating him. Everyone thought maybe she was the one to break his running streak because they continued dating after her rotation.” April explained and Connor folded his arms. 

Because what April was describing…Sure Connor himself had dated a few of his co-workers, and was dating one now technically. He wasn’t faulting anyone for that. But his three serious-ish relationships compared to the ratio of the revolving door to who knows how many medical students? It was disgusting on Joey’s part. But Connor wasn’t seeing how this came back to Sarah. 

“And he’s pissed because?” 

“Because he thought she was still upset over their breakup and liked that because he thought she was still going to be there when he broke up with whatever med student he was seeing.” Which explained him hitting her up a few times a month. Connor thought with a clenched jaw but didn’t say it aloud because April was still talking. 

 “When in reality she had moved on…and from an objective point of view, she didn’t move on, she upgraded guys. A double-certified surgeon who looks like you and is more than likely someone who treats a woman right is a huge step up from a manipulative, passive-aggressive lab technician, who had a tantrum when his ex-girlfriend didn’t go into the field he thought she should. That’s what Sarah told me broke the camel’s back in their relationship. The tantrum.”

Connor felt himself stiffen. Now he was starting to understand about Sarah’s hesitancy to trust him, if this was what her last relationship was like.

“Will you do me a favor when you leave?” Connor asked in a mask of calm, but in reality, he was anything but.

“Sure,” 

“Tell him to leave me and Sarah alone, because if he doesn’t, I’ve been itching to hit something all day, and I wouldn’t mind breaking his jaw or nose right about now. Also, loophole be damned, if he so much as looks at another med student inappropriately, I’ll go file the complaint with Goodwin myself.” 

The two nurses looked at each other before they looked back at him and nodded. “We’ll take care of it.”

Then Maggie looked back at Sarah, “We’ve got to get going, Sarah. Early shift tomorrow, You know how it is, but we’ll be back to check on you sometime tomorrow okay?” 

April made a noise in agreement and squeezed Sarah’s hand before she stood up. They both patted Connor’s shoulder as they passed by him to get out of the room. He turned and watched them leave and saw both nurses stop by where Joey was sitting. 

The lab tech looked at the two women before he turned back and glared at him as April and Maggie walked away. But the surgeon folded his arms and remained steady. Daring him to try something even though he had promised Sarah, after Joey’s last text, that he wouldn’t get involved and let her handle him.  Sarah also wasn’t awake right now to stop him and the surgeon also wasn’t one to make idle or empty threats. If he said something, Connor usually meant it. 

Thankfully, Joey just sneered at him one last time before he got up from where he was sitting and walked off. He wouldn’t have to break a promise to Sarah. Sighing, Connor returned to the seat he had been occupying before. 

“Hi baby, I’m back.” He said reaching to grab her hand again. A yawn fell from his lips as he pressed his lips to her skin. He had only worked half his shift and it wasn’t even that late, but it had felt as if he had worked three shifts back to back. 

He didn’t remember falling asleep but one moment he had been talking to Sarah and he could see the moon through the window; the next someone was shaking him awake with the sun shining in his eyes. Jerking up, Connor looked around and saw Maggie was back with a blonde-haired man in tow behind her. He wore make-up and had manicured hands with a pair of jeans and a hoodie; he was also white as a sheet and his eyes were wide as he gazed at Sarah. 

“Sorry, Connor. I didn’t want to wake you up.” The nurse apologized, making her way back to the doorway where the other man stood. “But this is Teddy Courtney. He says he’s here to visit Sarah.” 

At her introduction, the dark-haired man stood up. Still fighting off sleep, he offered Teddy his hand. 

“Erin’s brother right? She told me you were coming. I’m Connor Rhodes, Sarah’s…Sarah’s boyfriend.” His hesitance at the label had nothing to do with the relationship itself, but this was the first time he had introduced himself as such and it felt so wrong to do so without her.

Teddy glanced down to look at Connor’s hand, then took it with his fishnet-gloved one. But like his sister yesterday when she left the hospital for the first time, Connor didn’t think the other man was actually seeing him because his eyes hadn’t left Sarah’s sleeping form and the more he looked, the more he seemed lost. 

“Thanks for bringing him up Maggie,” he said quietly as Teddy walked deeper into the room, “I’ll take it from here.” 

But the charge nurse looked reluctant to leave. It’s moments like this that Connor was reminded how starkly they felt the same need to help people and make them feel better. That’s why Maggie took the arrest when he refused to do that blood draw on that kid. They just handled the need in different ways. Connor focused on the physical body while Maggie handled everything else.

“You sure? I know you’ve been up here all night.” 

“Sandra tell you that?” He quipped at her before he glanced at the other man. Then the dark-haired man nodded, “I’m sure. Just page Ava and let her know that we might need her to explain a few things when she has a chance.”

“Copy,” 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

“What happened?” Teddy asked, but it felt as if he wasn’t talking to Connor because he continued before the other man could answer. He watched the other man pick up the worn teddy bear and hold it tight to his chest. “Everyone said that Justin had gone straight. He even said he had gone straight since he joined the Marines. But even before that, Sarah, you told me that when you were growing up, Justin kept you and that kind of life very separated. So what the hell happened yesterday?”

Then as if he was remembering Connor was there, he turned and sighed, dropping his head. The other man was just finishing off a text to Lindsay to let her know that Teddy was there. 

“Sorry,” he muttered 

“No, I’ve been asking myself…her that very same question since yesterday.” 

“She’s going to be okay right? Like they aren’t worried about her?” 

Connor shook his head, “Her doctor is confident she’ll make a full recovery. So confident that they removed her breathing tube right after surgery because she is breathing on her own. They wouldn’t have done that if they were worried about her.” 

Teddy nodded, squeezing the bear even tighter to his chest. He swiped at his watering eyes and shook his head, “I don’t even know why I’m crying. You just said she’s going to be okay.”

“Relief?” Connor mused, trying to make the other man feel better. He took his seat by Sarah’s side once more while he explained, “I’ve seen a lot of my patients' loved ones cry when they find out the patient is going to be okay. It’s more normal than you think. And if it’ll help, I had the nurse that brought you up, page Sarah’s doctor and put her on standby in case you want a more thorough explanation on how she’s going to be okay. But in the meantime, I can answer any questions you have.”

Teddy bobbed his head. Then he took the seat on the other side of Sarah’s head, setting the bear down on her stomach so it could be close to her. “You know, I’m here now.”

 Connor raised an eyebrow at his words, so the blond cleared his throat and explained, “Erin told me about you too. She said you had been staying up here so if Sarah woke up, she wasn’t by herself. And I’m not trying to kick you out, but I heard the nurse too. She said you’d been here all night. So if you want to take a break for a while, go get some sleep or something? And you’re a doctor here too right? If you need to get back to work…I’m not going anywhere. She won’t be by herself when she wakes up..”

“I’m okay. I’d still like to stay, if that's okay with you. I’m just… not ready to leave her right now.” The surgeon told him. Sarah was okay now and he knew she was going to be fine. She was going to wake up. She was just sedated because of her pain medication. But still the thought of leaving her? Even with Lindsay’s little brother here, the thought left him feeling a little anxious. Like if he left something bad would happen.

From the look the other man gave him, he understood what Connor was feeling. Teddy exhaled softly, “Okay.” 

“Okay,” 

Then it was back to the waiting game as they watched her sleeping form, hoping she’d wake up soon. 

(It’d be another three hours before then under the sedation of her medication.)

[addictiedtocrimedrama]

Il Mostro-Alternate Ending

Summary: Basically, Clara didn't pull the trigger and Onario shot her. A "what if" that's been on my mind recently and I decided to write it down on "paper". Established Jack/Clara but their relationship is undisclosed. CMBB one-shot. Please R&R. Not related to my fic "26 Years".

A/n: If there are any discrepancies in the timeline of the story or there are parts that are/with a big freaking paragraph/section, I'm sorry, but I was too lazy to do math/fix it while writing the story. I also took and slightly modified Jack and Clara's conversation from the story "A Little Comfort". Here are the links: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10534725. Any and all mistakes are mine. Even though I'm using LanguageTool.org and Grammarly to fix my errors, I think there are a few that slip.

gif credit goes to @shannyfishwriter because it's from their blog where I saved the gif

She should have pulled the trigger.

This was what Clara Seger-Garrett thought when Onario shot her. She knew that she was bound to get hurt with a job like hers at some point. Suddenly she heard a door fall then a loud bang which she knew was a gun, then Onario fell to the ground.

"Scarpa! It's over." A voice said, she knew that voice, it was her colleague Jack Garrett. "Ja- aaargh" she tried to say his name, but the pain got to her before she could.

"What happened, Clara," Jack asks her after seeing her on the couch bleeding from her right shoulder. She could barely let out the name Onario. "Hang on, Clara," he said while putting pressure on the wound. "Jack," she choked out, "Don't let me die'' the kids need me , she didn't need to tell them to know he heard the last part. "Clara! Hang... on... para... medics... are... on... there... way..." she hears Mae say panting. "Okay," Clara said weakly, half-dazed from the loss of blood.

When they get to the hospital, the doctors rush Clara to the Operating Room while the rest of the team waits. They all sat in the waiting room in silence, still shocked about what happened. Isa was comforting herself with a song on repeat and rewind, Mae was just staring into space, Matt was well Matt, Emma was having a panic attack, and Jack was trying to help Emma calm down. They stayed like that for what seemed like forever until a doctor came into the waiting room and said "SSA Clara Seger-Garrett" they all stood up Mae and Matt looked shocked and confused, Isa almost swore, Emma looked like a little kid getting caught with her hand in the cookie jar, and when the four of them turned their heads to face Jack his face was completely unreadable.

"Yes we're her colleagues" Jack spoke up first then Emma came a bit closer next came Isa and finally Mae and Matt who were still in shock from what they heard. "SSA Seger-Garrett lost a lot of blood during the surgery, but thankfully the bullet didn't hit any major Arteries, and we were able to extract the bullet. She did need a blood transfusion due to the loss of blood. I suggest she takes it easy, but other than that she would make a full recovery. We are also keeping her here overnight to monitor her condition, and then she's all clear to travel back to the US." they all exhaled in relief, "Can we see her?" Emma spoke up, worry still in her voice "Of course but only one at a time." they all nodded, then Matt turned to his boss and said "You should go first Jack" Jack nodded and followed the doctor to Clara's room.

After Jack left, the rest of the team looked at each other. "What in Quezon's name just happen" Isa spoke up first somehow keeping her voice low

"They are so screwed after this" Mae said like a little kid catching their older sibling in a compromising position "I'm calling Monty" quickly putting Monty on speed dial "Hey Monty you're on speaker" Mae said casually "Mayfield Ruth Jarvis why are you calling me at this time of the night" Monty said from the phone "Sorry Monty, but you will not believe what we just heard" Mae and Isa said at the same time now intrigue Monty said "I'm listening"

Mae, Isa, Emma, and Matt did a quick game of rock paper scissors then Matt said "Okay, so we were waiting on an update on Clara since she got shot-" Monty cut Matt off by saying "Hold up Clara got SHOT!" none of them wanted to talk about it, but Mae spoke up saying "Yea in the shoulder" Matt spoke up before Mont could say anything "and when the doc came to talk to us he said wait for it SSA Seger-Garrett" Mae interjected saying "That's still weird hearing that" Monty who was in complete shock about what his friends said "Why is Clara's name hyphenated to have both her and Jack's surname?" Mae exhaled in annoyance, "Isn't it obvious" Isa and Emma replied with a simple nope. "Jack and Clara are married, " Mae said emphasizing the word married

"Jack and Clara there is no way that's possible they're married and if it was true I would have started a third EDSA revolution." Isa said slightly raising her voice emphasizing the word third "Please don't" everyone replied concern in their voice, "Plus haven't you seen the way they interact with each other" Mae asked Isa and Emma "Ummm yea," Isa was the one to reply "but from my perspective, they're just really close friends" she added Emma nodded in agreement. Mae, Matt, and Monty had enough of the two playing dumb but said nothing then Monty said "Let’s talk about this with both Jack and Clara with us" Mae who was reluctant to back down but was also tired said "Fine but if they are married you and Matt owe me 100 bucks". Matt and Monty simultaneously said "deal" then Mae hung up on Monty.

While the team was having this conversation, Jack was with Clara. Just as he was going to leave and tell the team to get some rest.

Clara's eyes started blinking open as she tried looking around. Jack was almost to the door.

"Jack" she said weakly. Jack turned around to see Clara, he gave a quick smile and said, "Good to see you're finally awake." Clara gave a sad smile and said "This is all my fault I should have seen the blood drops, I knew I had a backup weapon, I know you’d figure out eventually that he was our guy, and you’d come and find me, I knew one way or the other, I could keep myself safe, but I somehow didn't know he would shoot me." afterwards Clara just started crying.

"It's hard to get over it because it’s been a while. I know you’re an agent, and a very good one, but still, things like that can still scare us. We are all human." Jack told her, his tone of voice was calm and kind.

Clara looked at her boss and husband and gave another sad smile. She now regretted speaking in the first place.

"I am here if you want to talk. I care about you, and your wellbeing, and as much as I understand that in a few days you will be fine, I want to know, now, that you’ll be okay once we got home. Honey, you can admit that what happened a while back scared you, or threw you off balance." Jack said softly, placing his hand on her cheek.

"I hate feeling this way. It’s always the smallest things. I feel as though I should have handled the situation better. I was on my own and I saw drops of blood on the floor, I went into the room without checking, and the minute I got over the threshold and felt an arm around my neck, I knew I should have checked. I felt like I had forgotten a vital part of training, and then, I sat for what felt like a lifetime, trying to figure out how to talk to this kid and in the end, he shot me" Tears streaming down her face.

"Whatever you need. I sometimes think we could all do with a little comfort." Clara remained silent at his statement, but her mind was screaming. Jack got up and placed a kiss on her forehead and said, "I'm going to get the doctor to check on you." Clara managed to let out an okay. After a few beats, Jack came back with the doctor. "Good to see your awake SSA Seger-Garrett" Clara gave a meek smile "You were very lucky SSA Seger-Garrett the bullet didn't hit any major Arteries. We'll be keeping you here overnight to monitor your condition, then you'll be able to join your team on the flight back to the US. I also suggest you take it easy and don't put too much stress on yourself." after the doctor was done explaining, Clara asked, "The teams not going home tonight?" Jack looked at her and said, "You think we'd leave if one of our own was hurt? Hell no," Clara gave another meek smile and said, "Good to know". "I'll leave you two to talk," the doctor said then quickly left the room, Jack turned to Clara and said "I'll just go and tell the team to go to the hotel and get some rest" Clara nodded then said "okay".

When Jack returned to the waiting room he was expecting his team to bombard him with questions about why Clara's surname was hyphenated to also have his surname, but to his surprise, Emma was asleep, Mae was half asleep, Isa was playing her ukulele, and Matt was wide awake. Matt was him first and got up and asked him "Clara, okay?" Jack replied, "Yea, she woke up before I left to join you guys." Matt nodded and said, "Look about a while back I'm not prying or anything but what's with Clara having her name hyphenated." Jack sighed and said, "Don't tell the others yet, but Clara and I are married. 26 years, to be exact." Matt nodded and said, "Explains why you two are so close". "You guys head back to the hotel. I'll stay with Clara," Jack said not wanting to leave Clara alone for a long time especially since that happened to her, Matt nodded and said "okay" remembering what Mae told them said to Jack "Oh one more thing give Clara a head up since Mae said she's gonna bring up the fact that her surnames hyphenated at some point tomorrow before the flight." Jack gave a small smile and said, "Thanks for letting us know." Then he turned and headed back to Clara's room.

There he was greeted with a soft hey. "Hey, you're still up" he asked, sitting on the edge of her bed, "And you're still here?" she said in reply. "I'm not leaving you alone, Clara," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "You don't have to do that, you know" she said looking at him. "But I want to, especially since what happened," he said, the tone of his voice telling her that he was staying.

"Matt gave me a heads-up saying that Mae's gonna bust us before the flight home," Jack said, deciding to tell Clara since they agreed not to keep secrets from each other, all Clara's response was a little nod.  "I thought I lost you a while back." he said, holding Clara closer to him, "You didn't lose me Jack I'm right here," she said to him softly "I know," he said lightly kissing her temple. They stayed like that for the rest of the night.

The next day Clara was discharged, and the team had lunch together. Mae decided that it was time to rip the band-aid and said "Sooo Clara, why is your surname hyphenated" Clara decided to play dumb by replying "What do you mean my surname has always been the same." Mae wasn't backing out of a fight that easily said, "Oh really, then explain why the doc from the hospital saying, and I quote SSA Seger-Garrett, and why your surname is hyphenated with Jack's" she said leaning into her chair and crossing her arms. Clara glanced at Jack, then raised her hand in mock surrender and said, "You got us.  We're busted." turning to Jack, she said, "No more hiding". Mae turned to Matt and said "You and Monty owe me" Mat just gave a small laugh and said handing Mae 100 buck "Remind me not to bet with you next time" everybody burst out laughing.

After everyone calmed down Isa raised her hands are said "Okay that's it I hopping on the next plane to the Philippines, start EDSA Rev. 3, and after that bury myself at Manila North Cemetery" like the last time she said that there was a chorus of please don't"s and why would you do that's. Isa then gave a reassuring smile and said to them "I'm just kidding, plus do I look like I want to overthrow the current President" with that everyone burst into laughter again.

After everything that happened, things change, but something will never change.

A/n: This is not related to my fic 26 Years. Though it would be a nice option for Jack and Clara’s relationship to get busted through the episode “Il Mostro” is the second/fourth episode in the second season (it’s the second episode when it aired but was planned to be the fourth) A/n2: There were a lot of references to the Philippines and Philippine History and they are the following: 1. Quezon referses to former President Manuel L. Quezon. 2. EDSA Revolution 1 and 2 were times when people gathered at EDSA (which stands for Epifanio de los Santos Avenue) and overthrew two former Presidents (specifically former Presidents Ferdinand Marcos Sr. and Joseph Estrada) 3. NAIA stands for Ninoy Aquino International Airport (originally known as Manila International Airport) 3. Manila North Cemetery is one of the oldest in Metro Manila and is owned/located in the City of Manila.

[lilypad-jazz]

Free | Sebek X Reader

This is a part two of Petals Of Love so please read that first if you haven’t! :]

Summary: You’ve managed to free yourself of your pain

Pairing: Sebek X Reader

Pronouns: They/them/gender neutral

[A/n]: Involved the hanahaki disease, blood mentions, coughing/choking, uh other stuff i don’t remember but just read at your own risk! :]

Sebek had arrived far later than he would’ve liked, he had to beg the Headmage for permission to leave and then get Malleus’ permission. Then he had to ask a friend to pick up all his remaining schoolwork and take notes for him, then he had to find a way to get to where you were. All in all, it took far longer than he had planned, that and the fact that he didn’t even read your note till lunch had left him with a very small window of time. This didn’t discourage the young man though, rather it motivated him further as he rushed to get to you.

Sadly, by the time he had finally reached where you were staying, it was approaching dinner time. From what he could see, you were sitting in your room, eating a typical hospital dinner. He couldn’t tell if you had undergone the surgery or not yet, but he was terrified of approaching you either way. Tears welling up in his eyes as he thought of all the pain he was putting you through without even realizing. How could you ever forgive him?

A nurse must have noticed him standing there and become concerned as she approached him softly, inquiring if he was ok or needed any help. 

“Ah, could you tell me if that person there,” he motioned to where you were sat in your room, “has undergone the hanahaki surgery yet? It’s a friend of mine and I didn’t want to interrupt their dinner time with questions.” Sebek wasn’t one to lie, so he instead told the truth, but from a different point of view. 

“Oh! They actually went into surgery a few hours ago! Luckily we caught their case just in time, a day later and they likely wouldn’t have made it. They have a high chance of making a full recovery though so there’s no need to worry!” The cheery tone the nurse spoke in did little to console him as her words had his heart dropping. Almost as if he had run into a brick wall, it felt like his world had come to a complete halt.

He couldn’t face you now, not when you had already undergone surgery and had been on the brink of death. The tears that had been previously resting in his eyes had begun to fall, sliding down his face in a cascade of pain and sorrow. Perhaps he was better off returning to the school and waiting for you to return. Maybe then he could bring himself to stand in your presence without his heart aching and his thoughts running a muck. 

A sudden rush of doctors and sounds of distress had dragged Sebek from the depths of his mind. With a look in your direction, he saw you, staring at him as you coughed and choked on what he had hoped was only your dinner. He knew that it wasn’t right though, not with the way blood dripped from the corner of your mouth, staining the bedsheets below. Not with the pained, longing expression tucked into your eyes. 

In a blink Sebek found himself at your bedside, having moved on instinct to protect the one he loved. He held your hand and told you how sorry he was and how he really did love you, pressing kisses to your knuckles as he watched you cough tirelessly. 

A moment or perhaps two had passed before you finally were able to spit up what had been causing you so much grief. A small cluster of seeds, springing up tiny sprouts. The doctors had missed them, and seeing Sebek standing across the hall, sobbing as he stared at you, had triggered them into life. Though rather than root themselves into the walls of your lungs, your body had forced you into coughing them up, expelling the last lingering bits of your disease. 

If it hadn’t been for Sebek they wouldn’t have sprouted, but they also would have sat there, forever unbloomed, lying in wait, dormant as you fell tirelessly into love again. But you wouldn’t fall in love, not again at least, for your love for Sebek had never dulled. Seeing him here right now, and soaking up every sweet word, every delicate kiss, it sent a warm, fluttery feeling rippling through you. 

“Sebek?” Your voice came out closer to a croak than its normal sound, your throat hoarse from the difficulty you just faced.

“Shh, it’s ok. Just drink this and rest for a moment. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” He handed you the drink that had been served with your dinner, hesitating for a moment before letting go of your hand, shifting his hand to your shoulder instead so that you could focus on your drink. As you sipped at the drink, swallowing slowly so as to not further irritate yourself, Sebek went into detail about how he had read your letter later than he should’ve, how he immediately sprang into action to get himself dismissed for the day, how he spent ten minutes roaming the hospital lost, all until he got to where you currently were now. 

“Again, I’m so sorry. I should’ve never let things escalate like this and I would never willingly put your life at risk like that. I hope that one day you could find it within yourself to forgive me, I don’t expect you to feel anything for me after all that you endured.”

“I forgive you.” The first words you had spoken since Sebek had started talking. As cute as you found his voice, you really didn’t want him to get into a self-loathing rant about everything he ‘did wrong.’

“I could never say mad at you, especially not when you came all this way just to see me.” You gave him a small smile, nearly tearing up when you saw his own falling.

“You are far too forgiving, I can’t help but feel I am undeserving of your forgiveness.”

“Well whether you feel deserving or not, I forgive you. I also still love you.” Sebek’s tears fell at a much faster rate, his emotions overflowing and consuming him whole.

“I love you too.”

[the-bau-quinjet]

Please Don't

Summary: Hotch and Y/N have been pining for each other but everything changes after they go undercover for a case.

Warnings: Criminal Minds level violence, angst

Word Count: 2289

a/n: Thank you for this request!! I love a good Hotch moment. I hope you like it!

Masterlist

"Alright ladies! Here's the first round." Emily smiled as she set the four glasses down in front of you all.

Girl's night had just started. It being Penelope's turn to pick the nights events meant you, Emily, and JJ were in for a long night of bar hopping.

"Yes!!!" Penelope nearly screamed, grabbing her drink and taking a large gulp. "First question of the night goes to Y/N."

Your eyes widened as everyone turned to look at you. Whatever game Penelope was trying to play was clearly not going to go well for you.

"Oh, God. What is it?" You grimaced, eyes flitting between the three of them.

"When are you going to do something about your crush on Hotch?" Emily wasted no time in getting into the hard hitting questions.

"And don't even bother denying it! It's so painfully obvious." JJ added on, eyeing you skeptically.

"First of all, rude. Second of all, fine. I have a hopeless crush on our boss. Are you happy now?" You playfully glared, knowing there was no use in even trying to pretend.

"So? When are you going to do something about it?" Penelope was giddy, always one to celebrate new relationships.

"Uh, never." You deadpanned.

"Why not?" She whined in response.

"Pen, he's my boss for one. Plus it's highly unlikely he feels the same. I mean, how would I even bring that up?" You shook your head, trying to avoid the conversation.

"Y/N, Hotch is totally into you-" Emily's rant was cut off by the sounds of all of your phones buzzing.

You all shared a glance before confirming your suspicions.

"Another girl's night cut short." You shook your head. "Who needs a ride?"

The four of you quickly made your way out of the bar before piling into your car and heading to the Bureau.

-

"Damn ladies, looking good." Derek greeted you when you piled into the elevator together.

You hadn't thought about changing before coming in. None of you were wearing anything wildly inappropriate. Your outfit was just a bit more form fitting than a typical day in the field required.

"Thanks Derek." You rolled your eyes, stepping out of the elevator and immediately heading for the conference room.

Aaron's eyes were on you almost instantly. He always looked for you first when a new case came in.

"You ever gonna tell her?" Rossi asked from next to him.

"I have no idea what your talking about." Hotch kept his face neutral despite knowing there was no real point in denying it to Dave.

"I see the way you look at her. You know, I see the way she looks at you too. you deserve to be happy, Aaron." He replied easily, a smirk on his face as he took a seat in the conference room.

Hotch merely shook his head, trying to supress the smile forming at the idea of you returning his feelings.

He quickly moved on to debrief the team ultimately telling everyone to meet at the jet.

-

Three days later, another couple was dead, and you were no closer to catching the guy.

"Wait, there's a new pattern." Reid jumped up, pointing out the abduction sites on the map. "He's moving south, alternating between 11th and 14th Street. Each abduction happened at a different club on those streets. If he follows pattern the next abduction will be tonight at Cameo." He pointed out the next club on the map.

"So we'll stakeout the club, stop him before he gets another couple." Morgan suggested.

"We can't risk a takedown inside the club." Hotch ran a hand over his face.

"What if two of us go undercover? Pretend to be a couple and then we can stop him when he tries to abduct us." You suggested a new plan.

"That could work." Dave added on, sending you a nod. "You and Hotch fit his victimology."

"What d'ya say, Hotch?" Your heart was beating rapidly, but you refused to let it show. "Wanna go on a date?" You playfully nudged his side.

"It's our best plan." He nodded resolutely. "Go with Emily to get something to wear."

You smiled at him before turning to see a mischievous look on Emily's face. She whispered in your ear as you walked out of the room.

"Get ready. Hotch won't be able to keep his eyes off you tonight."

-

"Are you sure I should wear this?" You pulled the dress down a bit, trying to cover more of your thighs.

"Yes. You look amazing, and this is definitely going to catch the eye of our unsub." JJ complimented as she added a few finishing touches to your hair.

"It's just now dawning on me why we don't do undercover work." You flinched away from Emily as she attempted to add a third layer of mascara.

"Oh, hush. This was your idea. Everything will be fine. Better than fine if you're lucky." She winked, capping the mascara and throwing it back into your makeup bag.

"Em, this is work. I'm absolutely not making a move on Hotch while trying to lure an unsub to abduct us." You deadpanned.

"I'm not saying make a move! This is your opportunity to flirt a little and see how he responds." She shrugged casually.

You were about to provide another rebuttal when a knock sounded on the door to the bathroom.

"Y/N, you almost ready?" Derek called from the other side of the door.

"Coming out now!" You nearly ran out before Emily or JJ could try to convince you to flirt with Hotch again.

"Damn, L/N." Derek smiled when you exited the bathroom. "Looking good. You know who else might think so?"

"Can it, Derek. I'm in no mood." You swiftly walked past him. You could hear Hotch arguing with Rossi about something as you walked up to the conference room door.

"Dave, cool it will you?" Hotch rolled his eyes, not noticing you yet.

"I'm just saying Aaron-" He tried again.

"Well, don't." Hotch's playfulness rarely came out on cases, but you could see a glimpse of it in the way he bantered with Dave.

"Ready to go?" You asked from the doorway, putting your comm's device in your ear. You felt a blush creep up your cheeks at the way Aaron looked at you.

"Ready." He gave you a tight smile, diverting his eyes from your tight dress.

"We'll be right outside. All the exits covered." Dave reminded the two of you, nodding as you walked out the door.

-

"Here you go, one vodka cranberry." He winked when he passed the glass over, a subtle reminder about the lack of alcohol coursing through you.

"Thanks." You shifted awkwardly, unsure of what to do now. You'd been by the bar for about an hour, and nobody suspicious had caught your eye.

"Do you want to dance?" You surprised yourself by asking the question, watching as Hotch's eyes widened slightly. "I just, the other couples? Didn't witnesses say they were dancing?" You whispered the last part, obviously trying to limit anyone overhearing your conversation.

"Right. Of course." He looked nervous, but you chalked it up to not doing undercover often.

You lead him to the middle of the dance floor, trying to find the best view of the doors. It took a few minutes of awkward swaying, but the two of you found your rhythm.

"Behind you, there's a man watching us." Hotch whispered in your ear sending a shiver through your spine.

You nodded slightly in response before turning around. You pressed your back to his chest to cover the movement, eyes flitting around the room to observe anyone suspicious.

It didn't take long for you to spot the man Hotch was talking about. You moved your arms up around his neck, pulling his head closer to you so you could whisper to him.

"Got him. How do we get him outside?" You suppressed the urge to grind your hips against Hotch's. It was hard enough to deal with the feeling of his hands on your hips.

He spun you around, pressing your chests close together. Again, he moved his mouth close to your ear to whisper, "we just need to give him a show."

He pressed his lips to yours lightly, waiting for your response. You kissed him back with passion, relishing in the feeling of his lips moving against yours.

Your breath caught in your throat when he pressed a series of light kisses to your neck. You involuntarily tilted your head to the side, giving him more room to work.

"I think we've got his attention. Let's head out the back door." Hotch grabbed your hand, pulling you behind him toward the back of the club.

The cool night air sent a chill through your body, but you didn't have long before the man burst through the door behind you.

Hotch easily overpowered him, knocking the gun from his hands. He pulled handcuffs from his pocket, quickly securing his hands behind his back.

"Morgan, we got him out back." You spoke into your comms, turning slightly when movement in the shadows caught your eye.

"Y/N, get down!" Hotch jumped in front of you just as you heard a gun being fired. He fell into you, slumping against your body. Everything happened so quickly.

"FBI, drop your weapon!" Morgan yelled, running closer to the man in the shadows.

He quickly handcuffed the partner, leading him to a waiting officer while Emily collected the other unsub.

"Aaron?" You looked at him in your arms noticing the blood soaking through his light blue shirt. "I need a medic!" You called down the alley, watching in terror as two medics removed Aaron from your arms.

You were frozen in place as they put him on a gurney and pushed him into a waiting ambulance.

It wasn't until the ambulance was completely out of sight that you realized Reid was talking to you.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" He gestured to the blood on your dress and hands.

You nodded silently, pointing to where the ambulance just was.

"Let's get you to the hospital okay?" He spoke softly, not wanting to add to your distress. He grabbed a shock blanket from a paramedic before leading you to an SUV. Derek and Emily sat in the front, ready to drive as soon as you got in.

You don't remember the ride to the hospital. You don't remember JJ helping you wash the blood from your hands. You don't remember a nurse updating you on Hotch's surgery. You don't remember anything except the look in Aaron's eyes as he bled out in your arms.

"Aaron Hotchner?" The doctor called out into the waiting room. All six of you stood up, eyes fixed on the woman in scrubs. "His surgery was successful. I can take one of you to see him."

The whole team gestured to you, knowing how you felt and how much you needed to see that he was okay.

"Follow me." The doctor lead you down the winding hallways to a recovery room where Aaron was asleep. "He's still under anesthesia for now. It should wear off in a few hours."

You nodded as she left, still unable to form any words as you took in his pale appearance.

"Aaron." You whispered his name, eyes brimming with tears. You pulled the chair as close as you could next to his bed, both hands wrapped around one of his.

You must've fallen asleep because before you knew it, the hand in your grasp was squeezing you back.

"Aaron?" You lifted your head from the side of his bed, eyes focusing on his. "Oh, thank God." You felt the tears brimming again.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm okay." He murmured softly, moving his free hand to wipe your tears.

"No. You're an idiot who jumped in front of a bullet for me." You whispered back, voice breaking.

"I'd do it again." He took no time to craft his response, only causing more tears to fall down your cheeks.

"Aaron-"

"Y/N, I don't have anyone else in my life quite like you. I haven't in a long time." His eyes never left yours as he spoke. "You make me feel like I could be happy again. Like Jack could have two people to provide him unconditional love everyday in his life again. Like maybe, just maybe, I could love someone again. I would jump in front of countless bullets for you because I can't imagine my life without you in it."

"Please don't." You whispered, eyes still watery.

"What?" Hotch could feel his heart breaking at the thought of you not returning his affection.

"Please don't jump in front of anymore bullets for me. I don't think I could survive this feeling again." You took a deep, shuddering breath. "Watching them wheel you away on that gurney... it felt like my heart was being cut open. Aaron, there's not a day that goes by where you don't make me smile. Even if it's just the thought of you. I can't imagine my life without you either."

He continued to wipe tears from your face as you spoke.

"Would now be a good time to ask you out to dinner?" He smiled when you laughed.

"I think now is a great time for that." You smiled, leaning your head into his hand.

"Perfect. So, will you get dinner with me?" He nearly whispered.

"I'd love to." You pressed a soft kiss to his lips before setting back against your chair.

It didn't take long for him to fall back asleep. This time, when you leaned your head against his leg, your heart felt full.

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@strawberryspence

@sebastnstn

Criminal Minds taglist:

@mac99martin

@goldeng1rl8

@measure-in-pain

[honeypiehotchner]

intelligence & issues (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- chapter twenty-two

I’m liking this two updates a week schedule because I hate leaving you guys hanging like that!! I hope this chapter makes it all better xx.

Oh btw the title of this chapter and last chapter are lyrics from “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet! (Also I know the gif is irrelevant but the ~emotion~ of it is relevant)

ALSO (wow I have a lot I keep forgetting to add) I meant to @ her last chapter, but all of these medical scenes and things were 100% done with the help of @thedumpsterqueen​ because I know next to nothing about all this stuff and she was an angel and let me ask all the crazy questions <333 (P.S. she has a Hotch fic called Standards of Performance on her blog that you guys should alllll read if you haven’t already!! It’s SO good it’s one of my favorites)

Warnings: angst and sadness, but that’s pretty much it

Previous chapter || Fic Masterlist

Chapter Twenty-Two: I can’t imagine a world with you gone

Everything is a blur in Hotch’s mind before and after the first gunshot rings through the air. He didn’t need to hear the buzzing in his ear to know it had hit you.

He took off at a sprint, as did the rest of the team.

His ears are ringing. His thoughts are racing. He’s never been a man who talks frequently to God, but he’s praying. Hoping you’re alive. Begging you to not be dead.

Aaron would never forgive himself if you died. As it stands, though, he won’t ever forgive himself for this.

Prentiss, Reid, and Rossi take off in one direction. Hotch and Morgan take the other. Police officers fill the gaps and follow behind, everyone searching for you and Savannah.

Morgan is the first to stumble on the room. His throat aches when he screams for Hotch, keeping his weapon aimed at Savannah.

“Put the gun down!” Morgan yells.

Hotch comes skidding to a stop in the doorway a second later, weapon raised, but his eyes are focused on you. Savannah’s boot is pressing into your thigh, blood oozing from your wound, soaking your pants, spilling onto the concrete. Hotch’s heart drops at the sight. He’s seen enough bullet wounds to know how much blood should come from them. That is too much.

The bullet must’ve hit the major artery. And the thought terrifies him.

Morgan takes the shot when Savannah refuses to move. It hits her stomach and she stumbles for a moment before falling. Morgan yells for the paramedics again, distantly thinking they should be in here by now.

Hotch falls to the ground beside you, his hands cupping your face, not caring who sees. His thumbs tap your cheeks, willing you to open your eyes. You have a pulse, but it’s weak. Weaker than what it should be.

He presses hard over your wound, hoping to slow the bleeding, but there’s more surrounding your leg than he wants to see.

“Y/N?” He says, his eyes watching your eyelids for any movement. He lets out a momentary sigh of relief when your eyes open. “Y/N, please, can you hear me?”

You stare back at him, no signs of his words registering in your eyes. They’re empty. Haunted, again, but for a different reason this time. This time it’s different. “Aaron…”

“I’m here,” Hotch says gently, pressing his hand harder, his heart breaking when you groan in pain. “I know,” he says, shushing you.

Your eyes travel around the room then, and Aaron follows. Morgan is pressing his hand over Savannah’s wound, speaking into his wrist, asking the others where the hell the paramedics are at.

But Aaron doesn’t want you to see that, so he cups your jaw again, turning your eyes back on him. He smiles as best he can, the tears beginning to spill from his eyes as he takes in your face.

“There’s my girl,” he says softly. “Keep holding on. They’re almost here.”

“Aaron,” you try to say, your voice low and strained, and Aaron shakes his head, trying to get you to stop talking. “Aaron...I don’t wanna go without-- I need to tell you that I--”

“Shhh,” he tries again, not wanting you to waste any energy. “You don’t need to.”

“I love you,” you finally get it out. And he’s stunned to complete silence and tears. “I love you so...so much. It hurts.”

“Y/N,” he says, panicked. Your eyes are closing. “Y/N! Come back, Y/N, come back to me. Y/N. Y/N, please.”

Hotch is too caught up in holding your face and keeping pressure on your wound to notice the paramedics have arrived. One team goes to Savannah, relieving Morgan, while the other comes to you, trying to usher Hotch away, but he doesn’t budge.  

“Hotch,” Morgan tugs on the unit chief, grabbing at his arms, his heart breaking for the both of you. “Hotch, you need to let them get to her.”

Reluctantly, Hotch backs up, clenching his bloodied fist, grimacing at the way your blood sticks his skin together.

Everything else is a blur.

What does it need to be clear for, anyway? If you’re not here?

+++

You’re still in surgery.

It’s been an hour. But it feels longer. It feels like it’s been an entire twenty-four hours.

The entire team has taken up camp in a waiting room at the hospital.

Reid is reading and rereading every magazine he can get his hands on to distract himself, never mind the fact that he reads them so fast that he rips a page on one from turning it so quickly. Morgan has Garcia on the phone and has left to get coffee at least three times, the first time returning with a tray of steaming cups and the next two times returning with only one, but two tearful eyes. Emily has been pacing and will wear a hole into the tile at this rate if she walks for another hour. JJ has been staring at the wall, chewing so hard on the inside of her cheek that she flinches when she draws blood.

Rossi has been staring at the wall, too, but mostly he’s been worrying about and watching Hotch.

Aaron has been biting his nails, tugging at his hair, angrily wiping away tears, and left once to go on a walk before returning two minutes later, asking if they had heard anything. Those two minutes had felt like two hours and he was worried sick for all 120 seconds that he missed something.

Dave hasn’t tried to say anything to Aaron, though he wants to. It’s heartbreaking to watch Aaron like this.

You’re going to pull through. Dave — and the rest of the team — can’t afford to think otherwise. And they refuse to think otherwise, unable to imagine what it would be like if you weren’t here.

But it seems like Aaron is thinking otherwise.

Truthfully, he is. But he’s thinking about so much more.

You love him. You love him. You love him.

And he was too stunned to say it back. The one chance he had, and it might be gone now. Ripped away. Forever.

He sent you in there. He did this to you. He had his reservations, but the call had already been made. You seemed so sure. You wanted to do this so badly. He didn’t want another fight about him not trusting you because it’s not about his trust for you, it’s about how terrified he was for you.

He’ll never forgive himself for this now. Not ever.

It’s a world he can’t even bear to imagine. One without you in it.

Yet here he is, grappling with the fact that he might not have to imagine it soon. He sent you in there. He knowingly put your life in danger. And now he’ll have to live with the consequences.

+++

Aaron is shaken from his trance by the doctor and a nurse coming in to inform the team that you’re out of surgery and that it went well.

But you’re in the ICU.

“She lost a great deal of blood,” the doctor says gravely. “But we think she’ll pull through. She just needs to be watched closely for the time being.”

Everyone nods silently, not sure of what else to say, other than feeling relief that you’re alive.

“Visiting hours are long over, so I recommend you all get some rest,” the nurse says. “She’s in good hands here.”

“Thank you,” Rossi replies.

The doctor excused himself, but the nurse stayed, offering to answer any extra questions. “Visiting hours start at seven a.m.,” she says first. “And in the ICU, only two visitors are allowed in her room at a time.” She doesn’t voice an apology, but one is in her tone as she glances between the six team members.

“Can I stay?” Hotch blurts out of nowhere. The team member’s heads all turn to look at him in surprise. “Can anyone stay the night, I mean.”

“Uh, yeah,” the nurse nods. “One person can.” Her eyebrows furrow sincerely. “Are you her dad?”

Morgan internalizes a snort.

“No,” Hotch replies kindly. “I’m not, but I’d like to stay. I’m her boss.”

Still the nurse looks skeptical. “Would she be okay with—”

“She’s his girlfriend,” Emily blurts out, tired of waiting. And when Hotch sends her a look, she says, “What? It would’ve taken you hours to say it.”

“Oh,” the nurse chuckles, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. Yes, of course you can stay.”

Hotch lets a tiny smile shine through, but it’s not much. Truth is, he’s terrified to see you. But leaving you here alone – even if this is a hospital – terrifies him more.

The rest of the team says goodbye to head back to the hotel for some much-needed rest, if they can sleep at all. They know they’ll wake every couple hours to worry about you before sleep consumes them once more.

In the meantime, Hotch will be here to look after you for all of them. You’re like a little sister to the rest of them, even though Morgan is the only one to have voiced that. You’re loved here. Loved more than you’ll ever be able to comprehend.

You’re loved by Aaron much more than he’ll ever be able to articulate to you. But he’ll try. He’ll try to help you see.

+++

Hotch is finally walking to your room in the ICU after another half hour of waiting. The nurse said they had to get everything settled in your room before he could come back, which only made Hotch’s worry spike even more.

But eventually, he’s in your room with you. A pillow and blanket is in the chair by the window, but he’s not paying attention to it.

You. You’re asleep, of course, and probably will be for a few more hours. The nurse said you had already woken up once, but because of the pain medicine and the overall stress your body has been under in the past few hours, you fell back to sleep almost instantly.

Tears well in his eyes at the sight of you, laid up in the hospital bed, IVs and wires all over you. The beeping of the heart monitor is the only real sign to him that you’re even alive. Your chest is rising and falling, but it’s barely visible underneath the gown and blankets and wires.

You have one regular IV placed on the top of your left hand. Some other line is in your upper arm, and another in your wrist. He has no idea what they’re all for, he just knows he hates seeing you connected to so much.

Aaron wipes at his eyes angrily. Does he have a right to be this upset when he’s the one who sent you in there?

He turns and sets the pillow and blankets in the other chair, knowing he won’t sleep tonight even if he wanted to. Instead, he pulls the chair closer to your bed, where he can place his hand next to yours.

And, if you happen to wake up, you can reach for him if you need to.

+++

Three hours pass and you still haven’t woken up. Aaron knows. He’s been watching you the entire time.

The nurses have come to check on you a few times, assuring Aaron that it’s normal for you to be sleeping like this. But he just nods silently.

He wants you to wake up. Just for a minute. He needs you to just open your eyes and look at him, just once. That’s all he needs.

But it’s wishful thinking as the sky begins to lighten, showing the first signs of dawn.

Aaron links his pinky with yours, afraid to do much else and risk messing up your IV. Holding pinky fingers is enough right now. Or at least, it’ll have to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says out loud, to you, or really to no one at all, because he’s not even sure you can hear him. “I’m just so...sorry, Y/N.”

Stupid tears gather in his eyes again, clogging his throat, stopping his words.

But he keeps going.

“It’s my fault,” he says. “And I know you’ll try to convince me that it’s not, but Y/N, it is and I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I let this happen to you.”

He leans his head into the palm of his free hand, tightening his pinky finger’s grip on yours.

“I love you,” he blurts it out, tears warming his palm as they cascade down his cheeks. “I love you and I need you to wake up because I need you to hear it. I love you. I don’t think there’s ever been a day that I’ve known you that I haven’t loved you.”

He sniffles, loud and body-rattling, glad he’s alone in this room with you because he’d never let anyone else see him like this. No one but you.

“I tried to get it out before, but you were already gone, and I— You need to wake up. I need you to wake up. Please.”

Aaron keeps his eyes closed and head down for a few minutes longer. He doesn’t even see that you’ve opened your eyes.

Until your pinky finger gently squeezes his.

He lifts his head quickly, eyes wide and wild when he sees you’re looking back at him, eyes glassy with tears and exhaustion.

And just like that, just seeing your eyes open and looking right at him, the dam breaks once more. He’s a mess of tears when he leans his head down onto the bed. You lift your hand and thread your fingers through his hair, closing your eyes as more tears slip down your cheeks.

You scratch a soothing pattern on the base of his skull, moving your other hand over your body to hold onto his arm. He senses the movement and lifts his head, grabbing your hand and pressing it to his lips.

He’s not sure how long he stays there, all he knows is his back aches when he straightens up again, and you’ve fallen back asleep.

Next chapter

[wicked-mind]

Betrayed: Chapter Four

Summary: Everybody thought Steve’s sister had passed away decades ago. But when you show up at the facility and try to attack Bucky, there are questions to be answered.

Word count: 5.5k

Warning: A bit of violence, talk of kidnapping and torture, talk of surgery, a hint of PTSD

Series Masterlist

All Writings Masterlist

NOTE: I would like to thank everybody for your support. As I previously said, this is the first time posting creative writing on any platform. As a thank you, I’ll be releasing two chapters today (3/19/21). Again, any feedback is appreciated. Enjoy (:

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Chapter Four- I Guess We Can Be Friends

The rest of the team returned finally. A smile returned to Y/N’s face after seeing her brother and Wanda after the week. Steve made sure to get a run down of everything that happened in his absence from Clint and Bucky. Hearing of her nightmares, the voice she heard, and the progress her and Bucky had made. Steve and Bucky both exchanged the word ‘progress’ again with a smile. The chip they had recovered was protected, they couldn’t access the information on it right away, having to do some deep digging.

Steve found his sister chatting with Wanda, filling her in on everything that had happened. Y/N talked to Wanda about her nightmares and how Bucky was the one who woke her from them. She told her friend about how she heard the voice in her head, to which Wanda looked concerned. With Y/N’s permission, she could look to see if there was something else in her head, but she would wait for that until Y/N was ready for that. Steve entered the room with a light knock, smiling at Y/N.

“I’m all caught up on things that happened while we were away.” Steve told his sister, with a small comforting smile, “We recovered your chip still in tact. We are trying to get into it the information on it.”

Y/N nods, then looks at Wanda, “I need you to do it. Look in my mind and see if there is someone else.” She said, to which Steve and Wanda both looked shocked, “Please Wanda, I can’t sit here and wait to see if he starts whispering again. I have to know if it is real or if it’s me slowly going insane.” She whispered the last part.

“Don’t you think we should wait for a little bit? At least until we see the information on the chip?” Steve asked, concern in his voice. He didn’t want to push his sister into anything that could more damage her fragile state.

Y/N looked from her brother to Wanda, nodding, “Do it.” She demanded.

They gathered in the medical bay, allowing Y/N to lay on one of the beds. Wanda positioned herself behind her friend’s head, looking to her for permission. Y/N nodded and closed her eyes. The whole team watched closely, besides Natasha who had already left to go to the prison. Bucky and Steve had concerned looks on their face about this. Wanda positioned her hands on either side of Y/N’s head, red glowing from her fingers. For a moment, it was silent as Wanda searched, before she drops her hand, looking up to Steve with wide eyes, “There’s someone in there.. I can’t tell who but he is definitely the cause of the whispers. It’s has the same energy as Y/N, but it’s darker, stronger.” Wanda said gently, then looking at Y/N’s face. For a moment, Y/N looked relieved that she wasn’t going insane or being haunted by ghosts. But then worry came across her face as she realized something else was pulling strings in her head.

Bucky shifted uncomfortably on his feet, feeling useless. He couldn’t protect Y/N from the voice in her mind. He had the instincts to protect Y/N from anything and everything. He was determined to find this owner of this voice in her head, make it stop.

“We will wait to see what Natasha figures out.” Steve broke the silence, walking over and helping his sister up from the table. He looked down at her and offered a smile, to which one was returned up to him.

When Natasha was able to get into the information on the chip, she gathered the team to share her findings. She waited for them all to be seated around the circular table before beginning, “The chip showed what Y/N told us. It was used to send direct orders to her no matter where she was in the world. We are still working on downloading the information of where she went and what she did.” Natasha paused, “It also had a second function. It was blocking out some other transmission to her brain. I would guess it was keeping away the whispers that Y/N is now hearing. We aren’t sure what is causing the whispers or why it was important for Hydra to keep them out.” She paused, before looking at the rest of the team, “We don’t know how dangerous these whispers are. There was a reason Hydra wanted them blocked out. They could pose an immediate threat. The safest option would be to keep Y/N in the detention center until we know more.”

Y/N had snuck to listen outside the room. She was very quiet, and could get away very quickly if necessary. She, after all, was trained for things like sneaking around and gathering information without being seen, among other things.

The room fell silent as the team processed what Natasha was proposing to them, “We can’t do that to her.” Steve told the team, “She hasn’t been a threat to any of us since the first night. If we put her in one of the detention cells, it’ll show we don’t trust her and think she’s dangerous. Y/N is just trying to get back on her feet. She doesn’t want to hurt any of us.”

“I don’t trust her. That’s the issue.” Natasha countered, “If those whispers are dangerous, she can snap at anytime and turn on any of us. If she bites one of us and flees, that’s the end of it. Someone will die. We have to take necessary precautions.”

Bucky glared at Natasha for this idea, his jaw clenched, “You can’t do that to Y/N.” He repeated Steve’s words, “She dug herself out of a grave she was meant to stay in, took the chip out, and found us for help. She just wanted to see her brother again.” He said, “She attacked me for a reason. I have forgiven her. She’s not a threat unless we treat her like one or give her a reason to feel threatened.” He paused, taking in a deep breath, eyeing everybody else in the meeting, “If we force her into a cell, we are no better than how Hydra forced her into that coffin. She will break down as it reminds her of the things she went through. You break that trust, we won’t get it back. Any of us.” He said, looking to Steve, then Clint, and to Wanda who was nodding her head in agreement.

Wanda cleared her throat before speaking, drawing the attention to herself, “Y/N is not a current threat to anybody. I’ve seen in her mind, but more importantly I’ve spent almost every day with her. She just wants to live and be happy. Her mind is full of good. She’s a good person of which horrific things have happened to. Y/N doesn’t deserve to be punished for something she hasn’t done yet. I can keep an eye on her mental state, let us have an early warning if the whispers come back stronger.” Wanda watched the others as they slowly nodded in agreement to what she was saying.

“I have part of a solution.” Clint finally spoke, his arms crossed as he sat in his chair leaning back, “She doesn’t pose a threat now. I’ve trained with her more than anybody, she knows how to hold back. She has self control. But, just in case, why don’t we keep some of her blood in stock in case she does snap and bites one of us?”

Steve nodded, “I think that’s the best idea. We will get her to donate some blood to us for emergencies. She will understand and want to help. She doesn’t want to hurt any of us, she will want us to have the cure.” He looked at Bucky for a moment, before looking to Natasha who shook her head, knowing she was out numbered, “For now, we keep an eye on her. Help her. If something happens, we will discuss it.” He said in a tone that everybody knew meant the conversation about locking Y/N away was over. He sighs, slowly standing, “On another note, the annual fundraising gala is tomorrow. Everybody pick a charity of your choice before the party.” Natasha folded her arms, looking at Steve, “You really think the gala is the best idea right now?”

“Of course. We have been walking on eggshells for six months, putting all our focus on unraveling this mystery. We need a break. Thor is already coming in, and the guests have already sent in their RSVP. They’re expecting it. ” He said, knowing he was just irritating and pushing the limits with Nat, who had now exited the room in a hurry, “I guess that concludes our meeting.”

Y/N listened, she took a deep breath, then started chewing on her bottom lip. When they started speaking of the gala, she left. She knew when her brother used that tone it was end of discussion with her situation. She swiftly made it back to her room, sitting on her bed, pulling a magazine onto her lap. She just flicked the pages, not reading it at all. She was thinking about what was said in the team’s discussion. What Natasha said, about locking her away. Maybe that was for the best, she didn’t want to be a threat. She didn’t want to hurt anyone else. But listening to what Steve and Bucky said, they were right. The way Bucky talked about how she would break, he was right. She couldn’t keep herself under control if she was locked away, isolated. It would just be more proof that she was who she thought she was, a hopeless killer.

Y/N heard Wanda approaching and focused back on reading the magazine. Wanda came in beaming with a smile, “Up, up, up, get up!” She said, pulling Y/N by her hands to her feet.

Y/N smiled and laughed, letting her pull her to her feet, “What are we doing now?” She asked, happy to have a best friend like Wanda. She brought joy into Y/N’s life, someone she can be herself around.

“We are going shopping, where’s your shoes?” Wanda said as she searched around the room before throwing the black combat boots at Y/N, how caught them with ease, “The gala is tomorrow and we need to find some dresses.”

Y/N put her shoes on quickly, excited to go out and spend the day with Wanda shopping. She hadn’t got to leave the facility that much, she was excited to see what the world offered her today. Plus it would be nice to get her mind off of what she learned listening to the meeting.The two walked out the front of the facility, Wanda spinning the car keys in her hand. Y/N looked back at the facility, seeing Natasha watching her through the window, before getting in the black BMW with Wanda, “What’s Nat’s issue today?” She asked, curious of what the reply would be.

Wanda waved her hand as if to say forget about it, “Oh don’t worry, that’s just her face. She has RBF. Some days it flares up more than others.” She joked, putting the key in the ignition and speeding down the driveway towards town. On their dress mission, they talked about things. Wanda asked Y/N to tell her if she started hearing whispers again, that it was very important to let her know to which Y/N nodded, promising her best friend. Then they talked about something Wanda always wanted to talk about. Bucky. Wanda knew Y/N’s feelings about him, the good and the bad ones. Lately the better ones have been taking over and replacing those bad memories. Wanda was determined to help replace those memories, for Y/N’s sake and Bucky’s. She knew Bucky still had strong feelings for Y/N, it was hard not to keep out his thoughts when they screamed so loudly for Y/N. And she also knew that Y/N still had those lovey-dovey feelings for Bucky, just maybe a litter deeper down.

THE NEXT NIGHT

Wanda was helping Y/N get ready for the gala, already done getting herself ready. This was Wanda’s favorite event the team held. They got to dress up all fancy and let loose in their own home. There was no shop talk, just fun. Wanda slowly ran the curling iron through Y/N’s blonde hair, curling the ends perfectly so they would bounce as she walked. Wanda was already dressed and ready. As she finished up Y/N’s hair, she smiled, placing the curling iron down, “Don’t touch that.” She warns, not wanting her friend to get burned. Y/N nodded, looking at herself in the mirror. She was all dolled up for this event.

Wanda smiled, putting on her heels, “I’ll meet you out there.” She said, heading for the door, before looking back at Y/N who was still looking at herself in the mirror, “C’mon Y/N, get dressed. Chop chop!” She said and then disappeared out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Y/N tore her eyes away from herself. Her eyelashes were darkened with mascara and her lips were red from a lipstick she borrowed from Wanda. She looked very similar to how she did when she was taken by Bucky. She had curled her hair, put on red lipstick, excited to meet him for their date that never happened. The memory was painful, but she thought about the things Bucky had done for her. He was patient, kind. He helped her through break-downs. He said all the right things. He was being the Bucky she remembered and wanted. She decided she would be open to giving him another chance, being more accepting of him. The only way she would know for sure is if she let him in a little bit. She slowly stood, walking over to the closet and pulling her dress out. Wanda had helped pick it out. Y/N was a little reluctant, the style of dresses had changed since the last time she had worn one. When did they become so revealing? Y/N slipped off the robe she was wearing to get ready, placing it on her bed. She slipped the black dress on. It fit her curves perfectly, although maybe a little tight, “God how do people breathe in these.” She said, flattening out the scrunched lines as she walked in front of the mirror. The dress was jet black, flowing to the floor. There was a slit up the side to show off her pale leg, a little too high if you asked Y/N but Wanda assured her it was the style. It had sleeves that draped over her arms, a small dip in the front but not too revealing. She lifted her hand to her shoulders, her fingers brushing against the silver scars from a past life. She didn’t remember how she got the ones that looked like bites, but there were many of them that were hidden by the view of this dress. She slipped on her black heels, wishing she could just wear her boots. But Y/N knew Wanda would just drag her back to the room to put the shoes on. Y/N gave herself one final glance in the mirror. The dress was beautiful, she was beautiful. Even with the red eyes that seemed to glow. She turned and made her way out of her room and to where the party was being held.

As she entered, Wanda immediately was at her side, handing her a glass of dark wine which Y/N accepted immediately, taking a small sip. The lounge was decorated beautifully and filled with people who were all dressed up also. Steve was sitting at the bar with Bucky and Sam, laughing. He noticed his sister’s arrival and quickly walked over to greet her.

“You look beautiful, Y/N.” Steve said, giving her a quick hug, “I’m glad you decided to come. It’ll be fun.” He promised.

“Yeah I didn’t get to really decide.” Y/N laughed, looking at Wanda, “I’m pretty sure she would’ve dragged me down here, I figured it was easier to come willingly.”

Steve chuckled, giving Wanda a thankful smile, “It’ll be great, don’t worry about anything. Tonight is all about fun.” He said, placing an encouraging hand on his sister’s shoulder, before getting pulled away by some men who seemed excited to have a conversation with the Captain America. Steve figured a Y/N needed some fun. It had been all serious since she came back that she hasn’t really gotten to live.

Y/N and Wanda walked around, introducing themselves to guests and sharing stories. Well, Wanda was doing the sharing. Y/N didn’t have any stories to share, just listened and laughed as she met all the new people. All of them were very nice, and not too intrusive.

Bucky had noticed Y/N as soon as she walked in. He about spit up his drink by how beautiful she looked. He wondered if this is what she would’ve looked like for their date that never happened. It made his heart jump thinking about it. He watched Steve go up to her, a little jealous that he was just able to approach her so easily. He watched her throughout the night, staying at the bar. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Y/N was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He watched her laugh, envying the wine glass she kept bringing to her lips. It reminded him of the one kiss they shared. He cherished that memory of them. Her lips were so soft against his. He wanted that feeling again but knew it was out of his grasp.

At some point, Bucky lost track of Y/N in the crowd. His eyes scanned all the faces in the room, looking for her. He stood up when he saw she wasn’t with Wanda. They had been together the whole night, but now they weren’t. He pushed through people, apologizing and saying excuse me as he searched for Y/N, before turning to look out a window. She was standing out on the lawn alone, her head tilted up to the sky. He immediately made his way out there, wanting to make sure she was alright. He shut the door quietly and approached Y/N, smiling.

“Y/N?” He said, wanting to give her a heads up he was approaching, “Everything alright?” He asked as he stood beside her.

“Oh, hi. Yeah, sorry, I’m fine.” She said, looking over to him with her red eyes. She noted how handsome he looked. He was wearing an all black suit, his hands in his pockets. She returned her gaze up to the stars, a soft smile on her red lips, “Just needed some air. I got distracted by the stars. They’re beautiful.”

Bucky kept his eyes on her face, “Yeah.. Beautiful.” He said, not talking about the stars. He examined her face. She was smiling, and her expression was nothing but happiness. He loved seeing her like this- happy. It’s what she deserved.

Y/N looked back to Bucky, noticing he was still staring at her, knowing he wasn’t calling the stars beautiful. She turned towards him, her red eyes meeting his crystal blue ones. She smiled softly, her red lips curving, before she looked down at her almost empty glass of wine, “Buck…” She said softly, as if ashamed, “I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you. And… you know.. biting you,” She gestured towards the scar on his neck, biting her lip before continuing, “I know that wasn’t you. They were in your head like they were in mine.” She was just now realizing it had been god knows how long since she drank and she may be a little tipsy.

Bucky shook his head at her apology, his hand leaving his pocket as he touched her arm, “Hey, don’t. It’s fine. Your last memory of me was taking you to them. I understand. I probably would’ve had the same reaction. It hasn’t changed the way I see or feel about you, darling. I know who you are. You don’t have to apologize for your trauma.” He said softly, smiling at her.

Y/N lifted her head again to meet his gaze. His skin on hers felt almost electric. It made her skin crawl, her hairs standing up. She nodded, her eyes looking around Bucky, anywhere but his face. Hearing him call her ‘darling’ made her body feel warm. She felt like her heart was racing. She finally looked at his face. She could tell he had just cut his hair recently, probably to look nice for the gala. He looked just like the Bucky she knew. When she arrived his hair was longer, but now his hair was shorter, those blue eyes watching her, a small grin on his face. She took a small step towards him, “Since all is forgiven…” Y/N said, her eyes keeping contact with his, “I suppose that means we can be friends.”

Bucky’s grin only widened as she took a step towards him, his eyes never leaving her face. He was observing every move she made. Everything about her was extraordinary. As she spoke the words he had long waited for her to say, he felt as if a weight had been taken off his shoulders, “I would love that.” He replied, “That means we can do friend stuff, right?” He said, talking a small step closer to her, his hand still on her arm, “Like go for coffee, watch movies, have dinner sometime?” He said softly, hoping he wasn’t overstepping with her.

“Hot chocolate,” She corrected, “Not coffee.” She smiles, her eyes watching his as he stepped closer, she bit her lip slightly, her focus moving from his eyes to his lips.

Bucky chuckled at her response, “Hot chocolate with caramel.” He responded, remembering it was her favorite. He knew she didn’t like coffee, but she loved hot chocolate. He was locked onto her eyes that looked at him from underneath her long, dark lashes. He looked at her lips for a moment, wondering if he should move in closer. He felt as if she was giving him all the signals, even flirting back with him. She hadn’t denied him. He leans his face in closer to hers slowly, watching for any reaction, which to his surprise didn’t come.

Instead, a different surprise happened. A flash of light separated the two quickly. When the light faded, Y/N noticed a circle emblem on the ground, but then noticed the man standing in the middle of it. He had short blonde hair, was tall and muscular. He held a large axe in his hand.

“Great timing, Thor. Good to see ya. You’re late.” Bucky said, obviously a little annoyed that the moment between Y/N and himself was ruined.

“Barnes! Good to see you.” Thor replied, placing a pat on Bucky’s back. He was smiling ear to ear, obviously excited about the event, “Who’s your friend?” He said turning to Y/N.

Y/N smiled, “Y/N Rogers.” She said, her red eyes studying him. She had read about him and heard all the stories.

Thor looked at Y/N confused for a moment, “Steve got married? I wasn’t invited?” He said, almost hurt looking.

“No..” Both Y/N and Bucky said at the same time, both laughing a little bit, “I’m his sister.”

Thor looked relieved, before smiling, “Oh yeah, I see the resemblance now. Besides the red eyes, that’s extremely interesting.” He said, point at his own eyes as he talked about hers. Noticing he made her slightly uncomfortable with the comment, he continued, “Well, I better go in and say hello.” He said, walking passed the two and into the party.

Y/N looked back at Bucky, laughing a little at what just happened. It was a little awkward and embarrassing, but the timing was funny to her.

Bucky smiled as she laughed, “So uhm…” He chuckled out, watching her closely, “More wine?” He said, motioning towards the almost empty wine glass still in her hands.

Y/N shook her head, smiling, “Oh no, I’m good. It’s been forever since I’ve had a drink. Tonight I’m a one and done type of girl.” She said, nodding as she told herself this. She was already a little tipsy, she didn’t want to press her luck, “We should head back in though. My feet hurt and there’s some left over pasta in the fridge that’s calling my name.” She said, turning and starting to head back inside. Bucky followed her close behind, smiling to himself. She was treating him like a friend, maybe even more than a friend. She was talking to him like she had growing up. It was exciting to him. It reminded him of a simpler time. He followed her up the stairs to the kitchen in the living quarters, watching as she heated up her food in the microwave. Y/N grabbed a fork, turning to see him still there, “I’m gonna eat this in my room then go to bed.” She said, smiling a little.

Bucky nodded, “I’ll walk you.” He said, even though it was right down the hallway. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with her, just in case this was a dream he was going to wake up from soon. He joined her as they walked down the hall, stopping at her door and opening it for her.

Y/N slipped into the room and placed her food on the desk before turning back to Bucky who was still standing there like a dream, waiting for her. She approached him, smiling, “Thank you.” She said softly, She reached her hand out and touched his arm, still smiling up into his eyes, “Good night, Bucky.”

Bucky grinned at her touch, “Anytime, doll. Good night.” He said happily, accepting the fact this would be the end of their night together, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Tonight was perfect to him. He turned to return back to the party down the stairs. Nothing could bring him down tonight.

Y/N smiled at the pet name, giving his face once last glance, before shutting the door. She smiled to herself. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time. She felt undeniably happy. There was no negativity creeping in at all. She quickly kicked off the heels and changed out of her dress into some sweats and a tank top, hanging the dress back up in her closet. She grabbed her pasta and sat on her bed, turning on the tv. It didn’t take long for her to finish her food, placing the now empty food box in the trash before curling up in bed, falling asleep.

Thor had made his way around saying hello to everybody, before returning back to Steve who was now with Bucky at the bar, “You didn’t tell me you have a sister,” He said to Steve, holding a mug of beer in his hand.

“It never came up.” Steve said, smiling at his friend.

Thor shrugged, “Would’ve been nice to know. The red eyes are very interesting.” He mentioned, taking a large drink of her beer, “Is she otherworldly?”

Steve shook his head, “No, she was a Hydra experiment.” He informed, looking uncomfortable by this conversation.

Thor nodded, taking note of the buttons he seemed to be poking on Steve, “That’s unfortunate, I’m sorry.” He said, placing a comforting hand on Steve’s shoulder, “Oh, and sorry for ruining your moment.” He said to Bucky.

“Moment?” Steve asked, looking from Thor to Bucky, “There was a moment?”

Bucky said silent for a moment, before speaking, “It’s alright, Thor. Y/N and I were just talking.” He said.

Thor looked from Bucky to Steve, “Right… Talking. That’s definitely what I saw.” He said with a smile, “I think I need another.” He said as he looked at his now empty mug, before walking away.

Steve watched Thor leave, before looking around the gala, “Where is Y/N?” he said, realizing he hadn’t seen his sister in a while, and after hearing about the potential ‘moment’ he wanted to make sure she was alright.

“She went to bed, I walked her up.” Bucky said, to which Steve looked at him, eyebrows raised, “She said we could be friends again.” He informed, smiling slightly, though he didn’t get the reaction he was hoping for from his friend.

Steve nodded slightly, “Just friends.” He said. He was never thrilled about the idea of his best friend and sister growing closer. He was Y/N’s brother after all. He knew Bucky was a good man, but he still couldn’t think of them being anything more than friends, “I’ll head up there, be close just in case anything happens.”

“No, I’ll go. Don’t worry, I won’t disturb her.” Bucky said, standing from his seat at the bar, “Besides, you’re in charge of this party. Can’t be leaving. I’ll just sit down the hall until Wanda comes up.” He promised, to which Steve nodded almost reluctantly, still wondering what moment Thor had intruded on. Bucky turned and made his way back up the stairs. Keeping his promise to Steve, he sat outside Y/N’s door in the hallway. He could hear the tv on inside the room, listening as he tried to determine what she had been watching before she fell asleep. He concluded it must be a tv medical show of some sort. After about another hour, Wanda came through the hall, giving a smile towards Bucky with a nod as if to say she had it from here, before disappearing into the room. Bucky stood, watching the door close he caught a glimpse of Y/N sleeping soundly. He smiled, tucking his hands back in his pockets as he made his way back to his own room.

____________________________________________________________

TAGLIST: @vicmc624 @the-ayo-lit @daddysfavoritesexkitten @springsoulofengland @tcc-gizmachine @taina-eny @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable

[catxsnow]

FLIRTING GETS YOU NOWHERE J.T.

Request: Hey, can you please write a Jason Todd, Titans, where the reader is a badass fighter, a vigilante by the name of Spitfire that joins the Titans because Dick is like her older brother and she immediately builds this flirting relationship with Jason? He likes her a LOT and so does she and he feels like he doesn't deserve her and then after he and Dick have a fight the reader goes to console Jason and he tells her he loves her? With a little bit of smut?

Warning: implied smut, swearing, flashbacks of injury and near death, lil angst, lil fluff

A/N: My favourite thing about writing for Titans Jason is he’s still pre-trauma 😩😭 

Word count: 4.1k

Dick had no intentions of bringing you into his life. He met you back when he was a Titan, before Jericho - before everything. Just a kid with no home and no future. Dick gave you a future, he gave you something worth living for. A purpose. The team adored you, Dawn pulled you in just as close as Dick had. 

They trained you, brought you up to speed on the skills they had been working on for years. Sure, they were mad for brining a kid into this life - but what other choice did he have? Dick couldn't just leave you to fend for yourself, not when there was something that he could do about it.

You picked up on it all rather quickly. Joining them in fights, getting your own suit and name. It wasn't a life that you thought you would ever be a part of... but damn did you love it. It was a thrill, all of it. Being a completely new person when wearing the mask and getting lost in it all.

And then Jericho happened. All of you using him to get closer to Slade. Failing more than you ever thought possible. Losing Garth, losing Jericho, nearly losing you. It broke everyone apart - literally. Donna went her own way, Hank and Dawn together. Dick so desperately tried to leave you to live a better life.

You couldn't leave him, not after everything he's done for you. Dick tried to leave you - he really did. You knew him better than that, following him wasn't hard and once you were knocking on his door in Detroit he couldn't say no. Everyone blamed him for Jericho - for you - but you couldn't. Dick felt guilt every time he looked at you.

Five years passed with him. Five long years of working yourself back up to the same person that you once were. Five years of surgeries, therapy, anything so you could go back to being a hero. Dick was with you through it all, supporting you every step of the way and apologizing even more.

And when Rachel found Dick, everything changed. Your whole five years of starting a new life away from the Titans and your past was snatched away before your eyes. Travelling the country with Dick and Rachel, finding Kori and Gar. Seeing your old friends for the first time since that night in the hospital.

New people, new name, new suit. Same old place that reminded you of the night Slade nearly killed you.

"You're gonna have to do better than that, Jay."

Jason Todd. Second Robin. Dick didn't like him, not a first. Maybe because he was still mad at Bruce - maybe because Jason took an instant liking towards you. How could he not? Jason flirted his way into your life and Dick hated that you flirted right back. Over your time together, you had truly become his little sister.

He didn't trust Jason - not with you.

You were too good for someone like Jason. A heart of gold and a smile to match. Dick failed to see the similarities in you, not because he couldn't see them but because he refused to accept it. You and Jason both took this whole vigilante life as a game. Something to do because you could do whatever you wanted under that mask.

With Slade, you learned quickly that this wasn't a game. People got hurt, they died. Being a hero was real and it was dangerous. After meeting Jason, how lively he was, you hoped he never had to meet the same fate as you - or worse. Years of knee braces and crutches. It was horrible - all because you took it as a game.

"I can show you better elsewhere, babe," Jason threw another punch towards you, a coy smile on his face as you both bounced around on the mats. He started his training with Bruce a couple years after you started with Dick. However, he had all the years in between to keep his training up - you had just stated again less than a year ago. He was well in advantage.

You tried to throw a cross at him but Jason seemed to already be expecting your move. He grabbed your wrist and in a split second pulled you so your back was flat against his chest. His breathing was heavy from your spar. Jason's breath caught in his throat as your fingers grazed over his thigh.

"Promise?" You teased. Before he could answer, you elbow jutted into his abs. He released his hold on you and was distracted long enough that you could easily bring him down. Before Jason could even realize what had happened, he was on the ground in a leg lock. "I thought you were better than this? The great Robin taken down so quickly."

"You got lucky this time, Spitfire."

You released Jason from your hold, popping up and giving him a hand. "I think I kicked you ass enough for one day." Sweat drenched your body and your muscles were already aching. It had been far longer than you thought that you were in the ring with Jason - time seemed to fly with him.

"Wanna join me in the shower?" Jason raised an eyebrow. He asked that nearly every time you trained with him. Most of the time he was only joking, the others you were sure that he was hoping you would actually say yes. He loved to flirt with you, he liked to flirt with everyone, but you? You were his favourite.

It came so easy to him when he was with you. Words of adoration and praise always filled his mind when thinking of you. Since the moment he met you it was easy.

"Is this a bad time?" Gar's green hair peaked through the entrance of the training room. He looked between you and Jason, only inches apart from on another. Your flirtatious relationship with Jason didn't go unknown to everyone else on the team. Dick hated it, Kori thought it was adorable, your old team members couldn't bother looking you in the eye long enough to have an opinion.

"We were just leaving," you looked back to Jason. The grin on his face widened as he thought that you agreed to his offer. It fell as you spoke again, "to our separate rooms, to shower separately."

"You'll say yes one day, babe."

><

Dick loved to tell you how much he didn't like you hanging out with Jason. He didn't like your late nights of sharing music in his room. Your hours of sparring that were a little too personal for the ring. He didn't like walking in to the living room of the tower to see you and Jason half-cuddled up on the couch watching a movie.

He tried to get Kori to agree with him, though she stayed out of it. Dick was several years older than you, but he still saw you as nothing but that little kid he picked up all those years ago. Jason was everything that he didn't want to see in you. He didn't want him to taint your life, not that he could stop it.

It lead to it's fights. Dick trying to control you life just like he always had. You being stubborn, yelling at him. There were a lot of times that you wondered if it would have been easier if you never met him, he was too much of a pain in the ass to bare sometimes. Yet you owed him everything.

Jason found you in the med bay. He'd been looking around for you all evening and couldn't find you anywhere. This was the last place he expected to see you. He stood at the door, watching you pull off the knee brace he saw you wear sometimes. It was obvious that you tried to hide it from everyone.

"What do you need, Jason?" You asked, back towards him but not needing to turn to see that it was him. Jason pushed himself off the frame of the door and leaned on the table across from you. His arms were crossed over his chest but he didn't hold his usual cocky smile. He looked concerned. "You can ask."

"Does it still hurt?" It wasn't the question that you were expecting. Dick never told anyone the full story about what happened between you and Slade. He felt it to be your story to tell, not his. Jason knew the bits and pieces, but he didn't know everything. If you wanted to tell him, you would.

"Only when I breathe," you tried to joke. Jason didn't laugh, instead he sat down on the bed next to you. "It's not a big deal, I've been living with it for nearly six years." It only occurred to him in that moment how young you were when this happened - you were just a kid who nearly couldn't get back up ever again.

He watched your eyes seal shut, trying to hide any noise of pain when standing up. Without a word, Jason swooped you up and carried you back to your room so you didn't have to put pressure back on your knee. "You didn't have to do that."

"Yeah, but I wanted to," Jason half smiled. He sprawled out on the end of your bed, staring up at your ceiling. Your legs rested across his, but you mimicked his position. "Do you think he's really dead?"

"If he's not, he will be if I ever see him again," you spoke. Jason leaned up on his elbows to look at you. He was shocked to hear you speak of such harsh words. However, he couldn't blame you for that. Slade took away years of your life - if you ever saw him again revenge almost felt necessary. "I'm not that same kid anymore."

"I know," Jason stated. "You need me, I'm there."

"I'll hold you too that," You finally peaked up at him. A smile rode his face and you couldn't help but join. Things were easier with Jason. He was always so easy to talk to. After everything that the both of you had been through, you got a new level understanding - one that you didn't get with Dick.

"I'll hold you against anything if you ask nicely," Jason winked. He laughed at your poor attempt to kick him off your bed. The movement struck pain through you and he quickly noticed your wince. His laughter diminished instantly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just... just not a good day apparently," you grimaced. Jason carefully propped your knee up on his laps. Ugly scars laid thick on your skin, your knee was visibly swollen. Training the day before you had gone harder than you should have. Jason's fingers were cold as he traced over the lines.

The pads of his thumbs pressed into your sore muscles, massaging them as if he had known pain like yours his whole life. Your head tilted back, eyes closed shut at the release of pain. His hands were like ice against your skin but god did it feel so good. The aching pain that never went away simmered with his motions.

"Feel good?" Jason asked. You nodded, enjoying the feeling of relaxation that hadn't seemed to come to you for a long time. "Can make you feel even better later if you want."

"You never stop, do you?" You chuckled.

"Not when it comes to you babe," Jason winked again as you peaked your eyes open. This time, you couldn't stop your smile. He was cute, you had to give him that. Just as he was about to speak again, a clearing of a throat caught your attention. Dick was standing at your door, arms crossed, lips pursed.

He saw the brace out again, he wanted to ask how you were feeling - but seeing you wish Jason only frustrated him. Luckily, he hadn't heard the comment that Jason had just made to you. He cleared his throat, catching both of your guys attention. "Came to check how you were feeling," He forced out. "Jason, a word?"

"He's fine, Dick," you looked up at him. You knew the look - the 'protective brother mode' look. It was the most annoying face he seemed to make - and he had a lot of those. Jason retracted his hands from your knee, though you missed his touch instantly. "I'm fine. Same as I am every day. Jason was just giving me a hand."

Dick’s eyes narrowed and he was evidently frustrated. Jason quickly picked up on the tension in the room and cleared his throat. He stood up from the bed, careful not to touch your knee at all. "I told Gar and Rachel I would teach them stuff anyways, it's fine," he assured you. 

Dick stared Jason down as he left your room. His glanced flashed over to you before looking down at your knee. Guilt filled him, just as it always did. 

"Rest up."

><

Whatever Dick talked to Jason about it must have stuck with him. Jason stopped being his usual flirty self. He lost his smile when he was around you, he changed. It had been weeks since you had your 'flirt battle' as Gar liked to call them and you missed it. Whatever was going on inside his head, it wasn't good.

Whenever you tried to bring it up with him, he promised he was okay. 'I'm tired' 'I'm just sore from yesterday' any excuse that tried to make up for his behavior. You knew him well enough to know it was a lie and that Dick had to have said something to him to make him this way. When you asked Dick, he promised that he said nothing to Jason to make him this way.

As much as he annoyed you, Dick didn't lie - not to you. Whatever Jason was thinking, it was completely on him. Which made you even more worried - when he got lost in his thoughts he was gone.

So, as days, weeks passed, you kept on by yourself. Jason kept his distance from you and by extension, the whole team. You were his biggest link to staying connected with everyone and now that was severed. Everyone noticed the shift in dynamic between the both of you and were left just as confused.

It wasn't just Jason's distance that everyone was noticing - it was his aggression. Jason going out on patrol just like he used to. You were at his side, though silence over took the both of you. He would ask if your knee was up to the task that night before leaving and after that he said nothing.

He was aggressive out there. Throwing punches that were harder and longer than needed. Relentless against some asshole that probably deserved it - but wasn't necessary. You were worried about him. So worried that you finally had to cave and go tell Dick the truth of what was going on when you were there with him.

As badly as you didn't want to make Jason even more upset at you, this path he was going down wasn't a good one. If there was something that you could do to help, then it was worth the risk. Unfortunately for you, Jason reacted exactly like you expected him to when Dick confronted him.

He was rash, harsh - yelling at Dick that he was fine and that you and him both should mind your own business. Neither of you wanted to get Bruce involved but if it needed to happen, you would go to that extent. Jason rushed off back to his room, slamming his door shut as he did so.

You peaked your head out from your own room. Dick was standing in the middle of the hall, defeat on his face from how poorly the conversation went. He looked at you, hoping that you'd have a solution to this growing problem. Neither of you wanted to see Jason like this - especially when you didn't know where it came from.

With a sigh, you stood in front of Jason's door and knocked. There was no answer, even so when you tried a second time. You looked over at Dick a final time before twisting the handle to let yourself in. To your surprise, the door wasn't locked. With final 'good luck' nod from Dick, you slipped into the room.

Jason was standing at his window, staring out of it and completely unaware of your presence. His shoulders were tense; he held himself as if the whole world was trying to tear him down piece by piece. As if everyone and everything were against him every second of the day without an escape.

You saw the same in Dick. They were more similar than either of them would ever like to admit. Both trying to fight against the world one handed while holding everyone up with the other. They didn't want help - not because they didn't think they needed it - but because sharing a burden like that was too painful.

"Jason."

He tensed at the sound of your voice. Refusing to look at you as if you were the last person he wanted to see. As if your time together these past several months meant absolutely nothing to him. God you hoped it wasn't true. Jason was everything to you, and these past few weeks without him made it so easy to realize that.

"Jay, please. You've been shutting me out for weeks," You stepped closer to him. "I just want to help, I want to know what's going on." Your fingers ghosted over his, debating whether or not to enclose his hand in yours. He answered it for you, retracting away from your touch like you were poison.

"You deserve someone better than me," Jason finally whispered out. You could barely hear him, the pain in his voice was so evident it hurt you. "I don't deserve to be around someone like you."

"Jason where did this come from?" You asked. Was this why he was so distant to you? Jason tricked himself into believe that he didn't deserve you at all. Dick hadn't meant to spark the thought within him, but it had happened. An offside comment about how good of a person you were and Jason realized just how right he was.

Jason was nothing but a darkness that tainted your light. He wanted to believe that, make it easier to push himself away from you so you could be better off in the grand scheme of things. It was far from the truth. Jason showed you a real happiness that you hadn't experienced since your time with the original Titans.

He showed you what it meant to live again without being held back by fear or pain. Jason showed you what it was like to feel loved for who you were, not who you used to be. He was there through the pain of your old wounds and ready to catch before you got new ones. You were the one who didn't deserve someone like him.

"Dick-"

"Doesn't know what he's talking about," you cut him off before he could try to reiterate what Dick had said to him. You didn't want to hear it because none of it was true. Dick always thought he knew what was best for you and he didn't. "I care about you, Jason. I've never cared for someone so much in such a short amount of time and it scares the hell out of me. But if there's one thing I'm certain about - it's that you're going to be by my side through it all."

Jason didn't say anything. You were scared that your words spooked him and that maybe he didn't care about you in the same way. Maybe all of his flirts were truly just harmless. You sighed, worried that all this was for null. Jason didn't want to be saved, he never did.

"I love you," he quietly muttered out as if he was scared to say it, scared to see what you had to say about it. Jason was scared that you were going to leave him just as everyone else in his life did. He was scared that he was going to disappoint you - or even worse - ruin you. He cleared his throat and spoke louder, "I'm in love with you."

"Then why walk away from me?" You grabbed his hands, forcing him to look at you fully since you had walked into his room. "Why assume that I never felt the same way? Or let Dick choose your path for you?"

"I thought you'd be better off."

"I'm better off with you."

Your hands trailed up his arms, his chest, until reaching his cheeks. He held a strong façade, but you knew what hid behind it. Fear, trauma, desperation for acceptance. Jason was a wall when he wanted to be, but with you, he felt like it could all crumble down and he would be better off in the end.

In less than a moment, Jason had grasped the back of your neck, pulling you so close towards him that no air could fir between. His lips rashly pushed against yours, desperate for you touch. The months worth of buildup to this moment were worth every second of waiting. This was what he needed.

The pounding in his chest was so profound you swore you could feel it against your own. You couldn't focus on the small breaths of air that you desperately needed between movements, only how addictive he was. The shaking in your knees at how divine he felt completely pressed against you was nothing compared to the unsteadiness of his hands.

Scared that this was a dream, scared that you would think this only to be a mistake because of a build up of guilt that she had. Jason couldn't let this be a one time thing, he couldn't.

"Is this what you want?" He asked, lips grazing over yours. His hand at the back of your neck fell to your waist.

"I want you Jason. I want to be with you," you assured. It was enough, those few words were enough for him to give himself up to you completely. His fingers squeezed into your waist, tugging you up so you'd jump into him. Legs wrapped around his waist as he walked you both to his bed.

He encased you on his bed, arms on either side of you. Jason's kisses became deeper as he grew more confident. A shudder went down his spine as your fingers trailed down his chest until reaching the him of his t-shirt. He pulled away for only a second to pull off the material before going straight back to your lips.

Your hips lifted off his bed, desperate to meet his. Jason groaned at the slightest brush of your jeans. His head fell into the crook of your neck as he pressed down to meet you. The tightness of his jeans was so evident. His lips planted along your neck, wet kisses left in his wake until reaching a small spot that made you breath hitch.

You could feel his grin against your skin before he paid more attention there. His hips ground into yours as he nipped and sucked. You reached for his buckle, needing more of this delicious sensation that he was providing you. Jason cried out as you grasped him through his underwear.

He helped you pull away his jeans as well as your own top. Clothes scattered across his floor, no longer caring about anything else besides you. "You're so damn beautiful," Jason trailed up with kisses as he undid your jeans.

"I thought you learned by now that flirting gets you nowhere," you teased. Your finger tipped his chin up, encouraging him to pull himself up to kiss you. His body fit so perfectly against yours, as if your curves were pieces of the same puzzle and he was the link you had always been missing. "Pretty boy."

"Flirting gets you nowhere," he mocked you.

"Got me here, didn't it?"

[thefatedthoughtofyou]

Hey! I’m in love w your fics and I was wondering if you could write one where Bucky gets hurt protecting Sam. Sorry it’s so vague, feel free to run with it :)

(((( ahhhhh! This message made me so happy! You're so sweet!!!! Thank you so much!!!! I hope you like it!!!! And thank you again for sending this i appreciatei it so much!!! ))))

Ao3

Five Bullets And Nineteen Hours

The last thing Sam sees before Bucky slams into him is a wall of muzzel flashes. His eyes burn with the lights as he tumbles through the air, Bucky clinging to him as they fall through the dark. Sam can hear the ground coming, he doesn't know how, but he can hear it. Or feel it maybe. He doesn't know. His head is spinning. If his wings hadn't been busted he could save them, he could fix this.

He feels Bucky's fingers dig into his shoulder, grabbing at his vest, and then he's spinning again. They slam into the ground hard. He hears Bucky shout as he hits first, and then grunt when Sam lands on top of him. Sam lies there, his heart pounding in his ears, his labored breathing matching Bucky's beneath him.

Once he catches his breath he pushed himself up, hands pressed flat on the ground bracketing Bucky's head. He opens his mouth to make a joke, and then sees how dazed Bucky looks.

"You okay Buck?" He asks, still not rolling off him. He should get off him. But the longer he looks at Bucky the less okay he looks. Bucky smiles through a grimace, and shakes his head. Sam's brow furrows and then he feels it. Wetness on his stomach. He does roll off then, tossing himself to the side and looking down. He reaches out, sits his hand gently agaisnt Bucky's shirt, when he pulls it back his skin is red and wet. Bucky's covered in blood.

Sam looks down at himself, his heart pounding as he pats at his chest, feeling for pain, and wounds. Bucky's hand reaches out, startling Sam. He taps his fingertips against Sam's knee. Sam looks at him, his eyes and throat burning.

"It's all me Sam." He huffs, trying to laugh, and then he's coughing and there's blood on his lips and Sam can't see anymore. He swallows hard and reaches for his coms.

"Torres i need a med evac NOW!" He's yelling, knows he doesn't need to, can't help it.

"We're on the way Sam just hang on!" Torres sounds frantic too, he must have seen them fall, and not seen Sam's wings.

"It's not for me. I'm fine. It's... just hurry man!" His voice is rough.

"ETA a mintue thirty Sam! We're almost there!" His voice is shaky in Sam's ear, and as soon as he stops talking Sam hears the quinn jet, sees the lights, and looks down to see Bucky looking at him. He's blinking slow, a small, bloody, smile on his face.

"Hey. Hey Bucky. Stay with me okay you're gonna be okay." He says this quickly and slowly at once. His hand moving to the side of Bucky's face. There's a dark puddle spreading underneath him now and Sam can't do anything. There's too many holes, and too much blood. Way too much blood.

"Sam." Bucky breathes, coughs, more blood on his lips.

"It's okay Buck don't talk. Don't talk okay. Just-"

"Sam." His voice is firm now. Sam refuses to think of it as urgent.

"What? What is it?" Sam's voice is quiet,  he's leaning down, close to Bucky so he doesn't have to talk so loud, so he can save his energy. Bucky smiles at him again, and then grimaces, blood covering his teeth and dripping down his cheek, Sam whipes it away with his thumb.

"Thank you." Bucky says, his voice tight, eyes squeezing shut as his body shudders once.

"Don't do that. Don't you fucking do that. You don't get to say goodbye." Sam wipes at the blood that keeps dripping from his mouth. Bucky grimaces again and grabs Sam's hand, holds it.

"It's okay Sam. It's-" he takes a wet rattling breath, squeezes Sam's hand.

"It's. Okay." He says, his eyes fluttering closed.

"No no no. Buck. Bucky! Hey! Open your eyes!" Sam pats at his face but his eyes stay closed. 

"No no no! TORRES GET DOWN HERE NOW!" He yells it as the quinn jet lands. The rest is a blur. He remembers helping them get Bucky on the stretcher. Remembers the pool of blood shining black in the dirt. Remembers Torres patting him down, looking for wounds. And he remembers the stars. So many stars. He remembers the stars, and how beautiful they were. And he remembers hating them. Remembers thinking they had no right to be so beautiful while Bucky was dying. And then he'd shaken his head. Because Bucky wasn't dying. He couldn't be dying. Sam wouldn't let him.

Nineteen hours.

Bucky is in surgery for nineteen hours. And Sam waits. He calls Sarah a few times. Her and the boys bring him food and sit with him for awhile, before going back home. They offered to stay but Sam wouldn't let them. The boys had school, and Sarah had work. She scolded him, but relented and took the boys home.

The doctor came to Sam looking tired. Told him Bucky was okay. That he'd be out of commission for while, but probably not as long as he'd expected, being a super soldier and all. Sam had thanked him and asked if he could see him. The doctor looked at him for a long moment, and then nodded. He showed him to Bucky's room and told him to stay as long he liked.

He woke up two hours later.

Sam had been reading something on his phone, he doesn't know what, can't remember, doesn't matter, when he'd heard Bucky move. Sam looked up to see him looking at him, his eyes only half open.

"Hey man. How ya feel?" He moved his chair a bit closer. Bucky grimaced, his hand moving from his side to his stomach gently.

"Like i got shot. And then fell out of a plane." He sighed, his head falling back onto his pillow.

"Makes sense. I mean it was five bullets. And a three hundred foot drop." Sam said.

"Oh, no big deal then." Bucky shrugged, his brow furrowing with the pain again.

"Yeah. No big deal." Sam said, his voice somber. Bucky looked at him.

"I'm fine Sam." He said, not looking away.

"Always with the staring." Sam muttered. The corner of Bucky's mouth twitched, but he didn't look away. Sam shook his head.

"I am fine though Sam." He nodded, still not looking away.

"You almost weren't." Sam said, his chest tightening, the black pool of blood Bucky had left behind flashing behind his eyes.

"Yeah. Well," he shrugged again.

"Saved you."

Sam's eyes jumped from Bucky's hand to his face. He watched Bucky lick his lips and finally look away.

"That why you did it?" Sam asked.

"Why else would i have done it?" Bucky asked, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Don't know. You said goodbye pretty easy." He said, pressing his fingertips into his thigh.

"I didn't say goodbye." Bucky mumbled, looking everywhere but at Sam now.

"You kinda did though." Sam said, not backing down. Bucky groaned and dropped his head back again.

"What do you want me to say Sam? Just tell me so i can say it and we can stop talking." Bucky sighed.

"Just admit you were saying goodbye man, and we can be done with it!" He teased, smiling now that Bucky was his grouchy self again.

"I didn't say goodbye, i said thank you!" He raised his voice as he turned to Sam, grimacing at the pain in his chest. Sam felt his own chest tighten.

"For what?"

Bucky groaned, leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

"Come on Buck." Sam encouraged, bumping his knuckles into Bucky's arm, his skin was warm. Bucky rolled his head to the side, his eyes falling on Sam.

"For letting me help." His voice was quiet. Sam's heart fluttered, he looked, sad. His eyes widered than his usual frown and glare.

"If i remember correctly you didn't give me much choice." Sam teases. Bucky shrugged and half smiled.

"Yeah, but didn't have to let me keep helping. And you didn't have to watch my back. Or keep an eye on me. Or-" he paused, took a deep breath.

"Or invite me to meet your family." He stared at Sam, his tonge moving over his lip before he pulled it between his teeth.

"You didn't have to do any of that. But you did. You gave me a second chance Sam. And i- i can never thank you enough for that. And i just- i needed you to know that. That i appreciate it. I appreciate you. So... thank you." He shrugged again, his shoulders moving up and down once, he was frowning again, but it was an uncertain frown, not the annoyed one that usually painted his features.

"Buck-"

"You don't have to say anything." Bucky cut him off, his eyes had moved to his lap.

"Buck." Sam said, tentatively. Bucky's eyes stayed down.

"Bucky look at me." He bumped his arm again, his fingers lingering against Bucky's skin this time. Bucky slowly moved his eyes to him.

"You deserved this second chance. And i know you struggle with that. You don't think you deserve it. But Buck," he took a deep breath and sighed.

"Buck you're a good guy. You're the most honest person i know, to like, a fault, sometimes." Sam smiled when Bucky snorted.

"But seriously, you're a good man. With a hard past. But you're doing the best with what you've been given. And after all the shit you've been through, man I'd say you're doing great. And Buck," he paused again, moving his hand on top of Bucky's arm, Bucky's eyes fell to it, and Sam could have sworn his breath had caught in his throat. He moved his eyes back up to Sam's face, they were wide and shining.

"Buck if you hadn't been there for me last night, I'd be dead." He said, simple. Matter of fact.

"You saved my life. And you know i hate to admit it but, it's not the first time you've done it, it probably be won't the last. Listen man, I'm just... glad you were there. And that you're still here. So you're welcome. But thank you too. I wouldn't be here without you." He squeezed Bucky's arm and moved his hand back, his fingers trailing slowly over his skin before resting on the bed next to him. Bucky was still staring. But his eyes were now glued to Sam's hand, he seemed transfixed.

"Buck?"

"Hmm?" He hummed, not really paying attention. Sam waited. Bucky was thinking, Sam could see it, could see his gears turning, he bit his lip to hold back a joke. He waited. And he watched. And he smiled softly when Bucky's eyes cleared and he came back to himself, back to Sam. Bucky's eyes stayed on Sam's hand as he moved his own hand slowly across the few inches between them.

Sam's heart fluttered as Bucky pressed his hand under Sam's. Sam moved a little, accommodating him, Bucky's fingertips moving along his palm had Sam biting his lip. Sam moved to match Bucky, locking their fingers together. Bucky stared at their hands, pressed together, smiling a little when Sam moved his thumb in gentle circles over Bucky's skin.

When he finally looked up at Sam, his eyes shining, he looked happy. He wasn't smiling. Or trying to smile. He wasn't always great at it. But he looked, lighter. Like he'd let something go. Something that had been keeping him from this. From reaching out to touch Sam. To touch him when they weren't under attack. Not pulling him away from gunfire, and shielding him from bombs and fists. Just, reaching out to touch. Because he wanted to.

The corner of Bucky's mouth twitched as they looked at each other.

"You saved me too Sam." Bucky said, finally breaking the silence. Sam smiled, the heart monitor next to the bed beeped faster. Bucky's eyes moved to it and then back to Sam, his cheeks flushing. Sam smiled wider, flashing Bucky a toothy grin, the monitor sped up again. Bucky groaned and dropped his head back on the pillow, grimacing a little at the pain in his chest. Sam laughed.

Bucky shook his head and let his eyes fall closed with a sigh. Sam watched him as he slowly fell asleep, only looking away to smile down at their linked fingers. He watched Bucky sleep, held his hand, and told himself that he'd never let go.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

By My Side (Part 3)

Summary: The reader and Jensen take a quiet moment to get to know one another. While the reader feels like she and Jensen are finally starting to get along for the better, Jensen pulls back and she’s informed her family is coming by to visit...

Masterlist

Pairing: Bodyguard!Jensen x reader

Word Count: 3,700ish

Warnings: language, near drowning, angst

A/N: Enjoy!

_________

One Week Later

“Good morning,” you said as Jensen yawned, walking into your new and bright kitchen. You sipped on your coffee, Jensen running a hand through his hair.

“Morning. I haven’t slept in on the weekend in forever,” he said. “Speaking of which, what are you doing up? You’re never out of bed this early.”

“Coffee date,” you said, nodding towards the mug at the counter. You smiled as you saw Jensen put it together just as Owen walked in. 

“Oh. Sorry. I’ll get out of your hair,” said Jensen.

“S’no problem. You’re the bodyguard, right?” asked Owen.

“Yeah,” he said, looking Owen up and down. “Well, you look like you can handle yourself.”

“I do alright,” he said.

“Eh, strong and good looking. I approve,” said Jensen. He turned to head back upstairs, a big laugh escaping you as Owen raised an eyebrow. “Sorry. The privacy thing. I forgot.”

“He’s kinda weird,” said Owen under his breath, Jensen’s shoulders tensing as he walked away. 

“He’s just protective. It’s kinda his job,” you said.

“Well he’s still weird,” he said.

“Well he’s part of my life,” you said. “He’s not going away anytime soon.”

“Maybe we should do this another time,” he said. 

“Excellent idea,” you said. You showed him the way out, your eyes mid roll as you went back upstairs. You headed for your room to change into something more comfortable when you heard Jensen grunt from farther down the hall. You turned your head, Jensen looking uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry I messed up your date. I should have kept my mouth shut. I’ll refrain from speaking when you have guests over,” he said.

“I told him about you before he came over. He was rude and I only did the date to appease a friend. Trust me, I like you a Hell of a lot more than that guy.”

“Wow. Must be a dick then considering you hate me,” he said.

“Who said I hated you?” you smiled. “You’re growing on me, Ackles.”

“Don’t go soft on me now, Y/L/N,” he said, running his hand through his messy hair, messing it up even more. “Hey. I do have one question since this is something not really in our contract.”

“What is it?”

“Am I allowed to use the pool out back?” he asked.

“Of course,” you said. “I know you normally prepare your own meals but I wanted to make a bigger dinner tonight and there’s no use in wasting the leftovers if you want to join me.”

“Sure,” he said. “I’ll uh, see you around then.”

“I’lll see you, Ackles.”

After lunch you were sat on your back patio, trying to read a book but your eyes kept wandering over to where Jensen was swimming. He was timing himself obviously, a watch on his wrist as he swam back and forth, over and over again. You tried to not stare but it was hard not to watch the muscles rippling in his back or his shoulders flex each time he moved. After a while he stopped in the shallow end, floating on his back as he shut his eyes and caught his breath. His chest heaved and you swallowed as he straightened up and stepped out of the water.

His swim trunks stuck to his thighs as he walked over and grabbed the towel on the chair beside you. You kept your head in your book but he sat beside you, checking his watch for a minute.

“Nice swim?” you asked, Jensen wiping himself off as he sat. 

“More of a workout,” he said. “You have a good sized pool for it.”

“I have a home gym. Or will have one shortly. If you want anything for it, just let me know and I can order it,” you said, turning the page. 

“You got a bench press?” he asked.

“No,” you said. “Just email me a link to whatever you want and I’ll get it.”

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yeah. It’s a business expense. I think keeping you strong is part of your job,” you said. You glanced over the page and he nodded.

“You one of those yoga girls?” he asked.

“You got something against yoga?” you asked.

“No. It requires more strength than people realize, especially in the legs,” he said. “Simply asking.”

“I pretty much do what the show tells me to. Bike, HIIT, do some weight training, yoga for flexibility. Nothing major,” you said.

“How do they enforce something like that?” he asked as he ran the towel over his head.

“It’s more of an honor system kind of thing,” you said. “They gave Gen and me personal trainers before the show started but that was it.”

“You ever do boxing, kick boxing, that sort of thing?” he asked.

“Kick boxing. I broke my hand when I did boxing. Was in a brace half of season two because of it.”

He stared at you before he grabbed both your wrists in one hand, your book falling into your lap. You scowled but he threw his hand over your mouth before you could speak. He tugged your hands downward and you took a deep inhale, Jensen nodding.

“Good. You didn’t panic. It’s hard to teach that one,” he said. “You don’t need to learn strength. You have it already. We just need to fine tune how to use it if I’m not around.”

You mumbled and he moved his hand away.

“I thought I was going to be taking a class.”

“You’re better suited to learn one on one. Jared offered to help with some more examples if needed,” he said. He tugged on your hands again, pulling them closer to him and making you scoot over to the edge of your chair. “Without harming me, how do you get out?”

“I’m not gonna care about not harming someone if this was real,” you said.

“True. But I’d like to see how your brain works under duress when it’s challenged. I’m not gonna hurt you but I will make this uncomfortable. If you want me to stop, just give me the finger, okay?” 

“What are you gonna do?” you asked, swallowing thickly.

“Not gonna hurt you. Just gonna send your brain into hyperdrive. Trust me?” he asked. You nodded and he smiled. “Good. Like I said, try to get your hands free without hurting me.”

Next thing you knew he yanked you up to your feet and practically dragged you over to the grass. He pushed you down and threw a hand over your mouth and nose, your eyes wide.

“Relax. You’re smart. Think.”

You tried squirming out but it was no use and he had your hands pinned to your chest. You tried looking around but his hand stayed on you and you squeezed your eyes shut. Think. He wanted you to think.

He had decided to do this out of the blue, after you told him what you did for your training for the show. Something in what you’d said obviously gave him an idea that you knew how to get out.

You opened your eyes and stared up at him, Jensen staring down. You planted your feet flat on the ground and thrust up, moving him off of you enough for his hand to fall away from your face. You took a deep breath as you used your leg to block his arm before you rolled on top of him, sitting on his chest with your legs on either side of his neck.

“Let go or I make you,” you said with a pant. He released your hands like that, giving you a nod of approval. “That wasn’t so-”

He rolled and grabbed for you again but you rolled out of the way, doing it once more and feeling your skin scrap on concrete before you fell right into the water.

You were still getting your breath back and had tried sucking in as you fell, immediately coughing as the water shifted and an arm wrapped around your waist. You coughed up a bit of water when you broke the surface, Jensen swimming into the shallow end with you.

“You’re okay,” he said as you coughed some more water up, a hand running up and down your back. You let out a large hack and felt better after that, Jensen picking you up and carrying you back over to the patio. He sat you down on the chair and gently shoved your head between your knees, the back door opening for a moment before he returned.

He put a towel over you and you sat up, his hand running over your head.

“Didn’t mean to nearly drown you,” he said. You nodded, letting out a small cough and putting your hand on your throat. “Take a quick shower and I’ll clean up that arm. I got the trick for that throat too.”

You nodded and stood up, heading inside and rinsing off the chlorine. You changed into fresh clothes and came downstairs, Jensen coming back from his room with a red duffel bag.

“What’s that?” you asked, your hand shooting to your neck again.

“First aid. I could perform surgery on you with what’s in this bag if I had to,” he said. “Try not to talk.”

He set the bag on the kitchen counter, digging around and pulling out a few things. He took your arm and wiped it off with something that burned over the skin, carefully wrapping some gauze over the raw flesh. He set the bag on the ground and went into the cupboard, taking out a glass. He filled it with water and took out the bottle of honey from the pantry, squeezing a good amount inside before he mixed it up and stuck a tea bag in it before nuking it. He stirred it again when it was done and handed it to you. You took a cautious sip but it made your throat feel better and you smiled.

“Nearly drowned on a mission once. The medic said his mom would do that whenever he had a really bad sore throat and it did the trick.”

“You almost drowned? I thought you were superman,” you said. Jensen smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. “You were holding your breath when you were swimming earlier, weren’t you, testing yourself.”

“Don’t want to be in that position again,” he said. “We will keep our distance from the water if we practice outdoors again. You did good. I see why you got away the first time.”

“Well, I feel like a dumbass,” you said, shaking your head.

“I’m the dumbass, not you. It was dangerous to do that so close to the water. It was dangerous to do in the first place without telling you.”

“Yeah but I understood your point. If shit goes wrong, I can’t panic, no matter how much I want to,” you said.

“I’m still sorry. I’m going to clean up and go out for awhile. I might not come home tonight,” he said.

“I thought you living here was so I’m not alone,” you said.

“One night won’t kill you. There’s no real threats against you at the moment anyways. Besides, I think I said I would keep my private life away from the house,” he said, giving you a look.

“Oh. You’re looking for a hookup tonight,” you said. “You don’t seem like a hookup guy.”

“I don’t think that’s your concern. Just...don’t worry if you don’t see me the rest of the day,” he said before he headed to his room. 

“Alrighty then,” you said. “You do you, Jensen.”

It was just after midnight when you were in the mood for a snack. You skipped down the stairs, whistling as you hopped into the kitchen.

“What are-”

You screamed and jumped back into the kitchen, a weary looking Jensen sitting up on the couch.

“Wow, you are loud,” he said, blinking slowly. You narrowed your eyes and he groaned.

“Are you drunk?” you asked, walking over as he laid back down.

“Very. I didn’t quite make it to my room,” he said. 

“You land anybody?” you asked.

“No. Just wanted a drink really, got carried away,” he said. He threw his arm over his face and sighed. You went back over to the kitchen, finding some leftovers from dinner as Jensen sat up. “Shit, I was supposed to have dinner with you tonight.”

“I offered. It wasn’t a thing. I’m gonna eat the leftovers anyways,” you said as you stuck the container in the microwave. You got out a fork and felt him watching you while you found a pasta bowl to put the food in. “Can you stop staring?”

“Be slow. Is it just me or do you see that small red light outside the back door?” he asked. You risked a small glance out the kitchen window but you didn’t see anything. “It’s on the treeline.”

“No,” you said, popping the food out of the microwave and sticking it in the bowl. You walked over to where he was and looked outside again, still seeing nothing. “There’s nothing there. You’re still drunk.”

“True but I recognize small lights in dark places,” he said, forcing himself to stand. “Take your food into my room.”

“Why?” you asked.

“Cause I’m about to find out who the fuck is in the backyard,” he said, taking his gun out of his back tholster. “Go. Now. Call the police if I’m not back in two minutes.”

“Be careful,” you said. He nodded but he was already pushing on your back and walking you upstairs into his room. He pulled the door shut behind you and you stood there for a moment, taking a bite of your pasta. You sat down on his bed, watching the door.

Almost two minutes later it opened and he took a deep breath.

“You had a paparazzi spying on your property from your neighbor Doug’s yard. I like Doug.”

“What’d he do?”

“Punched the paparazzi guy in the face. He has teenage daughters and you know how dads are when they think grown men are trying to take pictures of their daughters in their bedrooms. Cops are coming but you’re fine,” he said.

“I should go apologize,” you said.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Doug said we ever need something or if you’re in trouble, head over there. He’s ex air force.”

“How the Hell is he living in this neighborhood then?”

“His wife is some famous singer or something. I didn’t catch the whole thing. Point is, there’s no threat. I did get this pap’s name and credentials though so he and his office will be hearing from me in the morning.”

“You did all that in two minutes?”

“I’m efficient.”

“I see,” you said. “Well...thanks. Have a snack before bed. It’ll help.”

“You’re not scared?” he asked.

“No. Why would I be?” you asked. He stared at you and you left his room, Jensen clearing his throat when you were in the hall. “What?”

“I don’t get you. You should be scared, at least a little scared.”

“Well I’m not. It was a paparazzi. I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” you said. “Goodnight, Jensen.”

“You jump at me but not the fact someone was spying on you. You don’t freak out over me nearly drowning you but you get scared of someone taking you. You’re not afraid of the night or being alone but you gave in easier than I expected when I said I’d stay here all the time.”

“Maybe it’s because I trust you. I don’t know. I’m fine. Goodnight,” you said. 

“I didn’t say it was a problem,” he said. You shook your head and returned your bowl down to the kitchen. A minute later you were up in your bedroom and crawling under the covers, taking a deep breath. The bed was cool again and you pulled your covers up around you, a quiet knock at the door making you open your eyes. 

“What?” you called.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“Why?”

“Because I remembered your day job is to pretend and you probably are very good at pretending in most any situation, even scary ones,” he said.

“What’s your point?” you said as you sat up.

“I think you’re a little shook up and I think I agreed to be nicer. I know a thing or two about feeling that way,” he said.

“Jensen. Go to bed. That’s an order,” you said.

“Yes mam.”

It was quiet and you sat back down in bed, the door suddenly opening. He walked in with a blanket and put it over you, ignoring your pout.

“I said-”

“My job is to protect you. Even from your own head sometimes. Goodnight,” he said as he pulled the door shut after himself.

“You’re still ridiculous, Ackles.”

Two Weeks Later

“How’s the manager search going?” asked Jared when he and Gen were over for dinner one night. 

“Fine,” you said, catching Jensen walk past the dining room in his suit. 

“So what’s it like having a bodyguard?” asked Gen as you caught Jensen’s eyes. He quickly turned his head away and left. 

“Fine,” you said.

“Jay says you guys don’t talk much,” said Jared.

“Not so much. We were starting to...he stopped talking to me for the most part a few weeks ago. He said he needs to focus so whatever,” you said. Gen made a face but you shoved another forkful of food in your mouth. Jared asked about the show some and you knew he was doing it on purpose which you were grateful for.

You didn’t quite understand why Jensen’s demeanor had suddenly changed. It was sweet how he had given you a blanket, not just any but one that was his personally. The morning after the paparazzi incident you were planning to tell him just that but he was already awake, in his suit and very grumpy. At first you thought he was hungover but it was just him. You’d caught him in his workout clothes once but besides that, he was all business now and didn’t talk to you unless you were going out.

“He’s cute,” said Gen, your head lifting up to realize Jared had left the room. “Jensen. Not my type but he’s hot and he’s a good guy.”

“I know he’s Jared’s friend but do you know him?” you asked.

“Yeah. I’ve known him a long time. He’s different when he’s working a job. I’ve never really seen him when he’s under a contract. Outside of work, he’s the sweetest thing there ever was, kinda like Jare in that way, you know? I’m a little surprised at his behavior to be honest. He’s a really close friend and he’s just not himself right now.”

“I’ve seen him be sweet but it’s rare. I thought we were getting along better compared to the jumping down each other’s throats we were doing but he doesn’t talk to me anymore. I don’t get it.”

“...Y/N, it’s kind of obvious what’s going on.”

“What is?”

“He likes you,” she said. “The way he looks at you-”

“He gets paid to look at me.”

“You pay him to look at you like that?” she asked. “No. That’s all him. The guy works and works and the reason he is single is cause he’s afraid he can’t do his job if he’s worried about dying and leaving the poor girl at home alone. Well you...he likes you. What do you think his genius move would be to fix that?”

“Push me away,” you said as she sat back and nodded. “He doesn’t like me. He thinks I’m a bitch.”

“Ms. Y/L/N,” said Jensen, suddenly appearing at the doorway and you knew there was no way he hadn’t just heard at least part of that conversation. With a swallow you stood, Gen finishing off her glass of wine. You followed Jensen around the corner, his body stiff.

“Listen, we were just-”

“I don’t really care. I wanted to inform you that your mother just phoned. She and the rest of your family will be coming to visit tomorrow.”

“What do you mean rest of my family?”

“Your father and brothers,” said Jensen, your face already snarling. “They said-”

“Mom was supposed to come. Just mom. Not the step family from hell,” you said. “My step brother has a record. Did you know that?”

“Yes, I was aware. Nothing abhorrent,” he said.

“Nick and Michael, the fucking wonder twins, they left me alone with a group of random weirdos to go get high on pot,” you said. “I was twelve years old!”

“I believe they will be coming as well,” said Jensen. “I will make myself scarce for the-”

“Oh no you will not,” you said. “Tomorrow is Monday and you work on Monday’s last I checked.”

“I did not say I would not work. I said I would be scarce,” he said. “Simply wanted to inform you before surprise guests appear.”

“Lovely,” you mumbled. “Tomorrow’s going to be awesome.”

__________

A/N: Read Part 4 here!

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 31

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L  Warnings: Language, smoking weed, shitty parenting, mentions of death A/N: more of a filler but it helps establish stuff. *unbeta'd

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 31: Drowning on Dry Land

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

The week before her flight back, Matthew’s parents invited her over for dinner.

Waiting to greet them at the door was Mrs. and Mr. Gaplin. Matthew’s father, a Half-Maj, was a Potioneer while his mother, an Old-Maj, was a Court Scribe. They wore large, kind smiles as Mrs. Gaplin pulled her into a tight, crushing hug.

After pleasantries, she and Matthew kicked off their shoes while his parents ushered them to the dining room.

“How are you darling? '' Mrs. Gaplin asked, floating plates in their direction as everyone began helping themselves to food. “Matt wouldn’t stop talking about you since we knew y’were coming.”

She side-eyed Matthew who groaned loudly. “Did not!”

“Sure thing,” she added, which caused Matthew to slump in his chair as his parents laughed at him.

It was a nice, charming evening; filled with laughter and heartfelt conversations. His parents continued to gloat about Mathew’s achievements that he hadn’t told her. It caused him to almost get up and run out of the room from embarrassment before moving to boast about Y/N. Even Mr. Gaplin asked her regarding her OWLs which pleasantly surprised her.

A few times, Mr. Gaplin pressed a few cheeky kisses to his wife’s face as Matthew made loud retching noises.

“Disgusting!”

Mr. Gaplin laughed. “Ya sixteen. Suck it up.”

“But you’re still my baby!” Mrs. Gaplin cooed, getting up to collect the plates.

Matthew tried to look insulted but she could see the small smile that threatened his lips as jealousy nipped at her toes.

The next few days were spent staying at the Gaplin household. Matthew’s parents insisted constantly that she should stay over so they could utilize the little time they had left before leaving. At first, the idea made her feel intrusive. Although, her mother hadn’t returned to the brownstone house, preferring to sleep in the on-call rooms at the Brooklyn Memorial Hospital. It quickly got lonely and boring before Y/N finally agreed. Besides, Mrs. and Mr. Gaplin were only around for breakfast and dinner - working for the day but never failed to return; always wearing larger smiles than the previous night.

They made her feel welcomed and warm - even taking her and Matthew to the local pictures. They included her in everything, even their trivia and board games after dinner.

It was quite the change compared to her family life.

Then an identical routine ensued. She would wake up, get ready for the day; spend hours with Matthew; then twilight fell as they stayed awake into the early hours of the morning.

The day before she was due to leave, she and Matthew ran up to his room after dinner. He went to lean on top of the small coffee table, rolling up a joint as she collected her possessions scattered around his room; not wanting to leave it for the last minute.

“Fancy some grass?” He asked in a poor British accent.

“Nah,” she shook her head, “But thanks love.”

Mathew’s smile turned bashful as he stood, turning on the radio in the background. She moved to open his window which was just above the roof of his shed as she stepped out with steady feet. Perching herself down on the blankets and pillows they hauled outside the night prior, she stared at the glowing city splayed in front. From the window, The Velvet Underground flowed softly.

Matthew proceeded to hop out, sauntering over as he threw a flirtatious wink.

“Brough this,” he said, tossing the camera he’d taken from her bag. She caught it as he nestled beside her and lit the joint; placed in his mouth. Billows of smoke clouded around them while she snapped a few photos of the view.

“Ya sure you gotta leave?” Matthew whined, embers of the end of the joint sparking with another huff. “Maybe you can smuggle me. Shove me into that trunk.”

She pulled the camera away from her face, inhaling the earthy, pungent scent. Her head felt a bit lightheaded from it. “A hardcore criminal at sixteen?”

Matthew was mildly amused until a troublesome look passed through his features. “Um — name something ya miss most about home.”

Home. What a funny word — place — feeling. Home was supposed to be something that made your heart glow, feel warm and happy — by that definition, a year ago home would’ve been her little house back in Toronto with the beautiful maple trees swaying in the backyard. Or home would’ve been Ilvermorny and its tall ivory walls. But now, London, or maybe just Hogwarts, had become her home. The scrolls around the Herbology greenhouse, the library, sneaking around past curfew; the Black Lake, Hogsmeade — Lily, James, Marlene, Dorcas, Remus, Regulus…

Unsure of what to say, she opted for, “You?”

Matthew rolled his eyes, bringing the joint to his lips. “Real charmer.” Then, smoke surrounded them. “But really.”

“Why?”

“C’mon! I need an answer! — I don’t know… say somethin’ like… lobstah.”

She chuckled. “Lobster? Really?”

“Or coffee from ya regular cafe.”

Deliberating it for a second, lips tugged up. “Coffee Crisp.”

He snorted. “A candy bar? Really?”

“Or Ketchup chips. Haven’t seen them in London yet.”

“That’s fucking disgusting.”

And then the silence returns but it makes Matthew shuffle in his spot. He blurted out, “Go — more brit insight.”

Y/N felt a bit hazy from the secondhand smoke. “More? You’ll get bored.”

“I won’t,” Matthew replied quickly, sounding oddly sincere. “Please, just… go on. Tell me everything.”

“Um… a friend of mine says crikey a lot. I think it just means to be mildly surprised? — They don’t say bloody or blimey as much as you’d think… Oh! Tea — they really drink that much tea. Also —”

Continuing, Matthew shut off again, going completely silent — not once speaking up or adding funny commentary; only staring at her, simply watching.

“Okay,” she turned to take the joint from his hand, “You're freaking me out. Spill, what's up?”

“S’nuthing.”

Whack!

“Jeez! Would ya stop wiv that! Gonna kill me…”

“Spill.”

“Fine! It’s just that…'' Matthew shifted, obscuring his face. Maybe if she didn’t feel so fuzzy, or if there wasn’t the smoke coming from the blunt or her small headache forming, she would’ve picked up on all the little signs. “It’s just —” he sighed, “I wanna hear ya talk — commit it to memory.”

“Obsessed with me? Not new.”

But that seemed to trouble him more. “It’s just… I don’t know if or when I’ll hear it again…” He looks up to the city in front. “Ya my… best friend. Could never forget ‘bout ya, but s’hard — keepin’ in touch.”

She pats him, encouraging and smiling. Her voice was hopeful, so much so that it made Matthew’s lip quirk up. “We’ll find each other. Always.” She said simply. “You and me, we’re like… salt and pepper. Soap and water — Hansel and Gretel!”

“Fuckin’ Dr. Seuss,” he smiled, that worried look fading away.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

The warm summer breeze flowed around them, just as the sun peeked above the airport. Expanse, clear skies with blue mingled with deep purples and pinks shimmered against the metal from the building.

“Gonna miss ya,” Matthew muttered into the crown of her head. Her mother didn’t want him to come, but Y/N simply ignored that request as he came to send her off.

“Don’t get mushy on me now,” she joked but felt her throat become tight.

“Betta get goin’ — Doc’s lookin’ like she’s ‘bout to butcher me if ya don’t.”

She snickered, pushing Matthew’s shoulder as she picked up her bags, walking backwards while waving. “Write me!”

“Course I will! Until next time!”

“Till next time!”

Once the plane took off, awkwardness swelled among the two women. Not once had her mother said anything to her — not to apologize or see how she was doing — although they never really did talk much. Honestly, she half-expected her to leave her in New York with the Gaplins. Easy to dispose of her.

The next few days Y/N, poorly, attempted to fix her sleeping schedule. It was a miracle that she managed to get up before dinner as her head poked into the master bedroom.

She cleared her throat, feeling herself swaying in place. “Um — hi. I’m making dinner tonight.”

Her mother was dressed in a simple, yet sleek dress. She was bent over, putting on high heels as she looked up.

“The hospital is throwing a party for me — the surgery was a success.”

“That’s amazing! Er — will you be back for dinner though? It’s just that I leave soon and... two parties are better than one.”

She considered her for a long time, eyes mostly distracted by her hair slowly changing to a different colour.

“Sure. But I have to go now.”

“Right, sorry, have fun.”

Thudding down the stairs and the door clicking shut, she followed not too long after. Making her way to the kitchen, she picked up a dusty cooking book, blowing off the dust and cracked it open; flicking through the pages.

Deciding on the seemingly easy noodle dish, she rushed out of the house to the local grocery shop for ingredients. It would be the first time they would be spending any time together. It had to be perfect. But she overestimated that no matter how closely she stuck with the dishes’ instructions, the outcome was a disaster.

The noodles somehow were rock hard. The sauce she made looked grey and was chunky, similar to badly mixed concrete and it tasted horrid. At one point, even the stove exploded into flames as she had to grab her wand and use magic to extinguish the fire.

Potions... She could use a cauldron, use multiple ingredients, make some of the most complicated spells and even had tricks of her own to make the process easier but she couldn’t make a simple dish…

Her face screwed together as she glanced up to the clock; she was going to come home soon as the dinner she made was disastrous. She panicked, cleaning up everything in a rush and decided to order food.

Waiting patiently at the dinner table, her eyes fluttered up to the clock in anticipation. She felt giddy, a surge of excitement rattling throughout her bones at the prospect. Her mother wanted to spend time with her! And she should be home any minute.

But then a minute turned to two, then five, ten, twenty, thirty — then an hour ticked by.

And then another.

Y/N got up, her chair squeaking loudly. Losing all her appetite, she went to her room, sleeping in early.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 20th, 1976

Going through the potential NEWT courses she could take was the highlight of her day. The possibilities were endless.

Wanting to take Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfigurations and most of all, Potions, left her excited for the school year.

But the more she thought about the upcoming school year or potential courses, she was left to contemplate what ther5 future entailed.

Was she ready to give up magic? Something that fundamentally altered her life and moulded her into what she was? Magic was her essence, something she developed and nurtured — but to put her life in danger…

Rethinking that word again: home… Was London her home? Was she willing to leave, move again to be safer? But practicing magic around the world these days for New-Majs was dangerous. Or the potential danger she would put her mother in if she continued with it?

But magic… Maybe home wasn’t necessarily a place — but rather something she carried. In all sense, magic made her heart glow, feel warm, safe and happy — it felt like what home was supposed to feel like. And the idea of being ripped away from it, forcing herself to live a normal, Muggle life…

Magic was home.

So die, but have what she cared and loved most was by her side or live a dull life without magic — ensuring her life would be miserable.

There was a clicking of shoes in the hallway that snapped her out of her thoughts. Her mother came walking by.

Lips smushed shut into a tight line, still annoyed from the other night but was determined to spend some time with one another.

“I was planning to go to Diagon Alley for the first time — to get my textbooks... '' She stood awkwardly. “Do you want to come with me?”

“I can’t,” she replied, so quickly that it had Y/N almost scoff in disbelief. “Work. But have fun.”

She sighed but still waved her off and said a small, ‘I love you, stay safe.’ Her mother only gave her a look, something unreadable and left without a word. With a heavy heart, she grabbed her purse filled with gold and left for Diagon Alley.

Passing through the Leaky Cauldron was an adventure in itself. The shabby, tiny pub was jammed with wizards and witches zipping by.

Diagon Alley was bustling with so much magic she could feel it pumping through her blood. Students were hypnotized by the shiny new Firebolt on display; others were giggling, running around with shopping bags while older witches and wizards took a scroll. Her head turned in every direction; walking into the Apothecary, a potions ingredients and book shop.

Emmeline was there. She gave a tight-lipped smile which she returned.

Emmeline by every definition was nice, extremely kind and neither girl ever had a problem with the other. James was the problem and Y/N would gladly stay out of their feud.

Passing clamouring students, she managed to get all her supplies but stopped in front of the potion ingredients. She took a few minutes, flicking through the Advance Potions textbook and grabbed everything listed needed for most of the potions.

She made her way around Diagon Alley, going through many shops. The shelves were stacked high to the ceiling with books and materials. She spent more time than necessary there but it was beautiful.

As she was paying for her Herbology textbook, a large boom! rumbled the ground. Y/N took her bags, ready to sprint to the Leaky Cauldron but the shouts caught everyone’s attention.

“WE WILL NOT BURN WITH THEM!” A crowd of witches and wizards shouted. Their wands were transformed into microphones as a few shot fireballs up in the air.

“What’s happening?” A woman asked an old wizard. He only shook his head, grabbing a copy of the Daily Prophet, handing it to the witch.

On the front page, there were moving photos of people protesting, similar to the wizards and witches currently shouting.

‘Protests Break out in Light of Muggleborns and Halfbloods Burned Alive

Voldemort and his followers have been attacking Muggleborn and ‘blood traitor' families with the usage of fire. By burning them alive, or their houses. They bonded the witch or wizard with magic, making it impossible to apparate or leave their houses. Their broken wands were found at the scene.

Since then, protests all around Britain and Scotland have broken out. The Ministry of Magic —’

“WE WILL NOT BURN WITH THEM!” The crowd chanted.

Rage filled every inch of her body as she stomped out of Diagon Alley.

If she wanted to stay in the magical world, she had to be the greatest at whatever she did, because if she wasn’t, someone of her status was never going to get anywhere.

Magic was home, and she wasn’t going to let them take it from her. She didn’t want to surrender. They weren’t going to take that away from her.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

Immediately after Diagonal Alley, she began working; taking in her thoughts from earlier to heart.

Making sure to cover any windows from prying eyes, Y/N fiddle with first with new charms. Still unassured by her abilities in Charms, she considered taking another class before realizing all the different routes it led to. To become a Healer, Auror or Potioneer, she needed Charms.

Multiple charms backfired, causing them to ricochet off the walls, leaving a dent or chipping the wallpaper.

After trying out more than half the Charms in the book, there was one spell in particular that she attempted to cast many times, but without fail, was never able to properly cast it. Frustrated, her hand made a sharp flick and the spell spurted out instantly.

She tried again with the same hand gesture. To her astonishment, the charm produced easily. Quickly, she jotted down the note in her book.

Next, she glossed over her Transfigurations and Defense Against the Dark Arts book until her eyes caught onto the word: werewolf.

She learned briefly about werewolves, but that was in third year. And now that she knew a werewolf, it would be good to rehash it.

A werewolf, also known as a Lycanthrope, is a non-magical or magical being who transforms under the rising of the full moon. However, non-magical beings have a greater risk of dying rather than turning.

As the name suggests, werewolves are closely related to the non-magical animal, wolves. However, they have distinct characteristics that make them easily identifiable from wolves.

She flipped the page.

Wolfsbane flowers are poisonous to the non-magical world but it has been proven to have no effects on werewolves like they do on wolves. Werewolves are immune from the poison they emit and there are reports that Wolfsbane flowers help alleviate symptoms.

She underlined that section.

It’s a uniquely magical illness known to spread by saliva and blood. Werewolves are dangerous, blood-thirsty beasts — she flipped the page.

They cannot choose to transform and will no longer retain their human mind. Given the opportunity, they would slaughter their loved ones — flipped the page.

A mixture of powdered silver and dittany applied to bites help seal bite wounds. It’s also commonly put in liquid and digested in anticipation of full moons to help with the symptoms of transforming.

Y/N’s face scrunched as she continued to read.

There is no known cure Potion used to help treat lycanthropy.

She felt oddly intrusive knowing parts about Remus’ condition. But then questions arose. How were there no Potions of any kind there to help werewolves during their transformation?

Pushing the thought away, she turned to the cauldron, picking a potion to brew. They all were fairly easy, some she’d even done before just by playing around. But one potion that grabbed her attention was Draught of Living Death. Even at Ilvermorny, that potion was notoriously difficult.

Starting up the cauldron, she grabbed hold of the sopophorous bean. However, it kept jumping when she tried to cut it. She quickly resorted to another method, running down to her kitchen and grabbing the handheld garlic press, placing the bean inside, squishing it down as so much juice spurted out, even going all over her clothing.

The potion turned into the light lilac like suggested. But then as she stirred, her potion quickly became ruined as she restarted immediately.

Hours ticked by; several items in her room were Transfigured into cauldrons, as she poured the existing solution into the nine other cauldrons as she conducted her experiment.

Stirring counterclockwise was a sham, so she stirred clockwise. Nothing, the potion went bad. The next cauldron, she stirred counterclockwise and then clockwise, alternating between every stir. It showed promising progress before it turned a bright red after the seventh stir, bubbling over.

The next cauldron, she stirred counterclockwise, then clockwise after the seventh stir as the potion turned a pink pale. That’s what the book said would happen. She quickly cleared the rest of the cauldrons, pouring in the pink liquid just in case.

She continued to stir until it became a clear liquid. Surely, that was good enough but she could never be sure. After all, she didn’t know if this was what it was supposed to look like.

Deeply immersed, she hadn’t realized how late it got.

She laid on her bed, her light on as she read the scribbles on the margins of the books she'd penned. The textbook was outdated and everything she’s written down, there were easier ways to perform spells, create Potions and more. The other books must’ve been outdated too.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 22nd, 1976

Today, her attention was drawn to her Herbology textbook as she flipped right to the medicine section. Y/N had sneakily stolen a few of her mother’s medical journals as she scribbled down notes.

She flicked through the diagrams. Wizards and No-Majs were different when it came to their bodies and sickness, she knew that, but their anatomy was still the same.

An opera played in the background as she sat in front of the television. It filled the silence as her mother came from behind her, creeping her way closer to the door.

Y/N called out from where she sat. “Care to join me?”

“Can't, work.” She grunted out.

She placed the pen down, full attention drawn to her. “I only have a few days until school starts… you can’t spend some time?”

Her mom wasn’t looking at her, ostensibly staring at the floor, anywhere other than her face.

“It’s not that interesting, but um - I need help with medical terms and illnesses. You’re the best at that!”

“I can’t,” she said roughly. “Can't you see? You have to stop bothering me when I’m busy.” And then she left again, leaving her alone. Y/N would’ve been more bothered had she not been so focused on her studies.

There was a pattern.

In the Herbology textbook, in the werewolf section, there were a few ingredients used to help alleviate symptoms of Lycanthropy.

Dittany, Powered silver, Powdered Moonstone, Aconite…

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 26th, 1976

“Do you want to —” “Work.”

“But you always have work… can’t you take some time off?”

“You know it’s important to me. Why do you keep trying to limit that?”

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 29th, 1976

She was partially through her Potions and Charms textbook. It was all she could fixate on.

Deciding to take a break, Y/N went to stretch, getting up to talk to her mom who again, was getting ready to leave. She opened the honey-coloured wood draw close to the door. She pulled out a set of keys, fixing her appearance in a nearby mirror.

She had already opened the door.

“Hey mom, I was thinking of getting lunch… Will you be back soon?”

But, there was faint muffling outside the door.

“Ready for our date?”

Y/N, desperate, seized hold of her wrist, pleading. “Please, I leave in a day.”

“I'll make it up to you,” mom replied, “I promise.” And then, the door clicked shut.

Again.

She stared at the door, trying to regulate what she was thinking.

What made them worthy of her time when their’s were limited.

Robotically, Y/N turned to walk to her room, her hip bumped into the drawer which hadn’t been fully closed. Her eyes flew to it, about to push it in as she caught a flash of white.

Yanking it open, she swore her heart could’ve shattered. White envelopes filled the draw; her familiar handwriting scribbled on top of each letter. She picked one up, twisting it over to the flap.

It was unopened.

She picked up another. Unopened.

Then another. Unopened.

Unopened.

All of them were unopened, sealed. Hardly tampered with and there was hardly a wrinkle.

Was there something wrong with her? Something so disgraceful that made her so disgusting that people kept forgetting - pushing her away? Like an insidious disease.

Was she truly that unloveable? That much of a nuisance? What made someone else so much more important than her?

It was too much to process but if she had to describe the feeling, it was like drowning on dry land.

Whatever home was, it shouldn’t feel like this: cold, lonely, sad.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

【 Next Chapter 】

Slang dictionary (+ a bit of history bc i didn’t realize how many ppl didn’t actually understand what I was talking about in other chaps):

Coffee Crisp = a very popular chocolate bar sold in Canada. It was a variation of a treat made by a company from the UK. It was briefly introduced to the UK in the 60s but was pulled back because people thought it was too similar to Kit Kat. From what I know, Coffee Crisp is not commonly found in England (I've never seen it in stores) but it’s sold in Scotland.

Candy bar = US term for chocolate bar / chocolate

Grass = during the 60s - 70s, the term 'grass' was very popular slang for weed in New York bc it featured in vogue.

And yes, the British do drink that much tea.

© gotkindabored 2021. Do not repost or modify

[shinsorokiri]

S/o Loses Memory and Quirk

Kaminari Denki HCs

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Language, violence, mentions broken bones, a panic attack, panic attack symptoms, sad Denki

A/N: Ngl writing angst for Denki did something to my little heart. He only deserves happiness and I’m mad at myself for giving him sadness lol. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! I’ll be writing one like this for All Might next so keep your eyes peeled for that one!

Shinsou, Aizawa, Hawks, and Dabi

Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima

Kaminari Denki | Chargebolt

You are his partner in crime

You’re the one who is always there to take care of him when he goes dumb

You’re the one who is always there to comfort him when he feels like an idiot

You’re always the one who is there for him

And he’s always the one who is there for you

It’s been that way for years

Ever since you transferred to UA your second year of high school

The two of you became fast friends

Best friends even

And his flirty nature made it so it wasn’t too long before the two of you entered a real relationship

The two of you EXUDE the most chaotic good energy that even Bakugou finds it kind of endearing

But unbeknownst to his friends

Denki can get really fucking serious when it comes to you

It lowkey shocked you the first time you saw him act like that

And it was all because you were sparring with him and you tripped over your own damn foot and face planted 

You figured he’d just point and laugh at you but he ran over and checked you EVERYWHERE to make sure you weren’t hurt

mans even SCOLDED you

YOU WERE SCOLDED BY DENKI KAMINARI

But you lowkey LOVED it because like

Wow

He does like me !!!

Of course that was in your final year at UA

The two of you are now pro-heroes at separate agencies

And boy oh boy does Denki worry about you

He can’t help it

He has seen you run into a wall because you were trying to rely on scent instead of sight “in case you get stuck in a dark room with a villain”

He worries

But he also knows you are strong

And also a hot badass who can take on anyone

Well

Almost anyone

Midoriya could probably kick your ass but that’s just because it’s Midoriya

But in all seriousness

He isn’t even patrolling today

He has the day off actually

And Denki has never baked anything before in his life

But

He knows that there’s been this mysterious villain giving your agency some trouble recently

So he wants to make you some of your favorite cookies

Or at least try to

And then have a lil movie night

He’s a clingy little shit

And he wants to destress you so

He will refuse to let go of you for the rest of the night goddamnit!

So there he is

Taking the semi-burnt but still edible cookies out of the oven

His favorite program on in the background

When suddenly

His show gets interrupted

And the hero scanner the two of you have goes off in your living room

He immediately turns his attention to the television

Stopping in the middle of the kitchen 

Still holding the cookies

When he sees live footage of you falling from a 3 story building

Onto concrete

He drops the pan

And literally sprints out of the door

He doesn’t even have shoes on

But he doesn’t give a single Fuck™

He rushes down the stairs of the apartment building the two of you live in

And gets to his car in record time

Mans be speeding to the hospital he knows you’re gonna be at

You two had a plan in place with each other and your agencies that if anything would happen to either of you

You would both go to this specific hospital so you two could know where the other was at all times

Of course he was crying while speeding

And his heart rate was way too fast for him to be functioning

But he had to get to you

He had to

And he did

He pulled into a parking spot reserved for pro-heroes and ran inside the emergency room

When he asked about you the nurse told him you were currently in surgery for some severe bone breaks

He got a nasty taste in his mouth

But he just nodded

She told him he could wait in the waiting room

And he did

He sat down in a chair

And he was trying so hard to keep it together

So 

SO

Hard

But eventually Kirishima, Mina, Sero, and even Bakugou showed up

To be fair

Mina and you did work at the same agency

So she saw everything that happened

They immediately went over to him

And he looked up at Mina

And deadass this is the first time any of them see how genuinely serious Denki can get

He asks Mina what happened

And she hesitates

But his face is dead serious

There are obviously tears leaking out of his eyes

But his stare is wildly intense

And Mina knows that if she says no he’ll just keep asking or ask someone else at the agency

So she tells him

“Well… we were patrolling, like usual, when that villain that’s been keeping us on our toes showed up. They’ve never… done anything other than rob people and knock them out so we thought hey this should be easy. Especially since (Y/n) was there. When they saw us they ran into a building and we chased after them and when we had them cornered on the roof they did this weird… sneak attack? But not really? I don’t know it was… odd, they had this like patterned fight technique and they hit (Y/n) in a few different places, and she went to use her quirk to fight back but… nothing happened… and then they hit her like at the bottom of her skull and she just… fell down unconscious. And then they… threw her… off…”

She started trailing off at the end because a sob tore through Denki’s throat

And then he started hyperventilating

Luckily Bakugou and Kirishima were there to help him out

They get panic attacks frequently, so they managed to calm him down and get him to breathe again

And they stayed with him for as long as they had to

Eventually after hours 

A doctor came out and approached Denki

“Pro Hero Chargebolt?”

He stands up very fast

He’s informed that you are out of surgery

And that the surgery went well

However they noticed something odd in your MRI results

It seemed that a portion of your brain was damaged?

But not quite 

It was still functioning

But something about it was off

And they had never seen anything like it before

It was like certain parts of your brain were blocked but everything else was fine

Upon hearing this Denki’s heart broke

And then after hearing the part of your brain that was impacted was the part that contained long term memories

His heart shattered

“We’re afraid she may have severe amnesia. We’re going to keep running tests to see just what is going on, we think it’s the quirk of that villain. A lot of the victims of their crimes have blockages in their muscle groups, but we’ve never seen a blockage in the brain from them.”

Denki is quiet

He literally doesn’t say anything

Until he whispers

“Can i see her?”

The doctor nods

And he leads him to your room

You’re still asleep 

And you’re covered in bandages and casts

It breaks his heart

His friends texted him to tell him they went home but if he needs them at any minute that they will be on their way to the hospital in ten seconds flat

He appreciates it

But right now he really just wanted to be alone with you

He just sat next to you

Holding your hand

He was even moving your pointer finger to trace the Lichtenberg Figures trailing up and down his arms

You always do it when the two of you are cuddling at night 

It helps him sleep

And reminds him that you love him regardless of his faults

And right now he just

He really needs you

This goes on for an hour before he feels you start to move

And he freezes

“(Y/n?”

You open your eyes

And squint at him

“Uh… h-hi… aren’t you that guy in my new class…?”

He stares at you

Completely deadpan

Before laughing a bit

But it isn’t a happy laugh

It’s very much a sad laugh

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“Cool, but um… how did you know my name already?… Are you crying?”

Yes

He was

He was laughing and crying at the same time

He probably looked like he was losing his mind

But he really did just lose his whole world so

It’s a prompted reaction

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

His voice was more strained this time

“Are you… are you okay?”

“Yeah, but you’re not. And I didn’t save you, and now you don’t know who I am, and I’m just… I’m so sorry, babe. I’m so sorry.”

The laughing stopped

Now he’s just sobbing

In your mind

You’d seen him a few times while touring the school

And he was always laughing and smiling

Always

So this was shocking

And you’d be lying if you said it didn’t tug on your heart strings

You instinctively reach out to grab his hand

And he grips onto it so tight

Almost like he’s afraid of letting go

“…You called me babe?”

He tries to even his breathing

But he nods

“I don’t… I don’t even know you, I-”

“You do. You do, but… you don’t. It’s… it’s complicated and I’m a literal dumbass so… I’ll call a doctor. They’ll explain.”

And that he does

And the doctor does in fact explain

And after the doctor leaves

You ask him to tell you about your relationship

And he does

He tells you even the smallest details

From the time that you painted the nail on his right hand middle finger pink because he lost a bet and he ended up liking it and buying nail polish for himself

To the time that you two told everyone you break danced all night to break in your new apartment when in reality he turned on Lover by Taylor Swift and the two of you slow danced in your living room

All of it

And he even managed to slip in the fact that you’d remember all of this after he caught the villain who did this to you

And he will catch them.

[princecharmingmendes]

A Quarter After One | Raul Mendes

"Look, I know you're a hard ass but can you play with my hair? It would really help"

Hello hello! This was a request or an idea that actually came from the prompt above sent by the lovely @bvttercupbby (thank you so much!) and I was immediately in love with it. This is a blurb/oneshot that was planned to fit in the Hey Angel universe where they're in a stablished relationship, but could be read as an individual piece, but if you want to check that universe first, they're on my masterlist and the first part is in here (aster is also a blurb from that universe!). If any of you have any prompts or requests you'd like to see, feel free to send them to me, even anonymously. Anyway, I'll stop ranting now, happy reading and don't forget to tell me what where your thoughts on this piece!

*Word Count: 2.3K+

*Warnings: a few curse words, and I guess that's it;

*Posted: April 9th, 2021.

                                                -*-

It was a hard day and Y/N was tired, but she simply couldn’t sleep. 

Her shift was long and exhausting, too much happened in a short span of time. Too many bad news and annoyingly arrogant people to deal with, and she even had and early shift the next morning. So when she got home she was finally able to breath. Technically she went to her boyfriend’s apartment since Raul knew she had a tough day, and they were basically always together, switching between their places at least twice a week. He texted her as soon as she got in with the spare key he gave her a few months ago, letting Y/N know he was going to take an extra hour cause he got caught up, that she didn’t have to wait for him to do anything. 

So Y/N decided to head to his room and take a long warm shower to relax her nerves a bit. After washing her hair, taking her time to get all soft and exfoliated, and even going as far as applying a hair mask to keep it shiny. Then she changed into a pair of sweats and soft big T-shirt she loved borrowing (or ‘stealing’ as Raul liked saying) and padded downstairs, slumping on the couch with her phone in hands. But before she could curl up in the soft baby pink blanket Raul kept their for her, she heard the front door opening, and as she turned around to check, her boyfriend was walking in with a few bags on his hands. 

“Hi, Bambi” he smiled at her, placing the bags on the counter, alongside his stuff.

Y/N got up from the couch and trailed behind him, circling her arms around his middle, nuzzling her face on his back “Hi”

“Needy?” he asked with a chuckle. 

Y/N nodded her head “need you”

“Oh darling” Raul cooed at her, spinning in her arms to face her and gently cradling her jaw in his hand, the free one on her lower back keeping her close “I’m here, sweet thing, and I’m sorry it took me longer than what I told you this morning”

Y/N only nodded hugging him tighter and he leaned down to place a kiss to her forehead, before enveloping her in a hug.

“I’m sorry I’m late, I just had to stop by and grab us some stuff, wanna take a look?” he offered gently. 

And she nodded softly in response before adding a quiet “please”

Raul smiled before carefully maneuvering them so he could pull the stuff out of the bags“Okay, I got us the Chinese takeout you love so much, stopped by to grab you your favorite cake, a painkiller and as I was checking out, I saw this and I just had to buy it” he said before grabbing a Bambi plushie.

Y/N’s eyes widened and a small smile twitched on her lips at the sight of the stuffed animal, quickly followed by a shake of her head and a breathy giggle. And he was glad he got this reaction out of her, his heart a bit warmer when she reached out to gently cradle the toy in her arms before pulling Raul for a tighter hug. 

“You’re so annoying” she mumbled against his chest as he laughed, pressing a few kisses to her hair “but I love you for it”

“I love you too, Bambi” he pressed a final kiss before pulling away a bit, despite her whine, to look at her a bit better “you look comfy, that T-shirt seems to be really soft, is it new? Could swear I had one like that”

“Oh fuck off” she said playfully rolling her eyes and he chuckled at her.

“That’s my girl” he mumbled as he watched her getting flustered at his compliment “now lemme shower real quick, you can go ahead a pick the movie and as soon as I’m back I’ll bring the food so we can eat it on the couch and maybe cuddle a bit before bed, yeah? How does that sound? Good?”

“Yes, thank you”

“Of course, Bambi” he said pressing a quick peck to her lips “just don’t pick something you want us to pay attention to, I guess we both need the rest”

“Okay” was all she replied as he moved to his room. 

While she waited for him, Y/N settled back down in her spot on the couch and started scrolling through movie options, and ended up choosing a random action movie they’ve probably watched way too many times before, but she couldn’t simply be bothered. A few minutes since he left, Raul was back, hair still wet from the shower, in a pair of sweats and a random t-shirt. He was quick to grab the stuff he brought them for dinner and to plop down beside her, swinging an arm over her shoulders and pressing a kiss to her hairline. 

They watched the movie as the dug into the little containers and had desert, before actually dumping their dishes in the sink and coming back for a cuddle. Y/N finally started feeling her muscles relaxing as she laid flat on top of Raul’s body as they finished the movie, his hands lazily running up and down her spine. She wasn’t feeling so nervous anymore, and as much as she would give anything for a long night of sleep, she felt like she wasn’t going to be able to actually get a proper one. On the other hand, her boyfriend was struggling to finish the feature film, his movements kept coming to a stop, only for him to sigh and resuming his previous ministrations.

“Raul?” she called his name softly into the dark room.

He only hummed in response, squeezing her a bit tighter to his body, making her let out a breathy giggle.

“I think it’s time for us to go to bed” Y/N tilted her head to look up at him, only to find him smirking at her and before he could make any dirty joke, she lightly slapped his chest “don’t even start”

Raul chuckled and shook his head “yeah, I’m completely worn out”

“Come on then, champ” she said lifting herself up from him, and consequently the couch as well. 

Raul lazily rolled out of his place, grabbing her hand and trailing up with her to his bedroom. They both went on their little night time skin care/ general routine, side by side on his bathroom as they did most nights before collapsing on top of his duvet. He gently coaxed her to get under the covers before turning off the light. Y/N scooted a bit closer to him and he was quick to get it, pulling her to his chest before placing a quick peck on her lips with a chuckle. 

“What time do you have to be up tomorrow?”

Y/N sighed before actually answering “seven, I think, why?”

“I have to be up around the same time, so I’ll make us some breakfast” he mumbled, his voice already getting a bit more sleepy and slow. 

“Okay, thank you for today, I really appreciate it” she said playing with the soft material of his shirt.

She felt Raul smile against her hair as he nuzzled his face there “of course, Bambi, I love you so much, m’angel”

Y/N smiled at his sweet confession at his hazy state “I love you too”

“I know, Bambi, otherwise you wouldn’t put up with my shit” he murmured and she giggled in response “goodnight, angel”

“Goodnight, Raul”

                                               -*-

Y/N was getting frustrated. 

She was tired. Exhausted both physically and mentally, and all she needed was to sleep, but she couldn’t. She fell asleep rather quickly, only to wake up half an hour later and to get stuck in a cycle of napping for a few minutes and being partially awake for the others. 

Her muscles were tight, her bones hurting, her head pounding and she didn’t have much to do. Y/N didn’t want to get up and go watch something on the couch, that wasn’t going to help. But she also didn’t felt like laying down for hours on end without being able to properly fall asleep. And waking up her boyfriend wasn’t an option, even though she knew Raul wouldn’t mind, she felt bad doing it to him knowing well he had at least three surgery’s   in the following morning. So she didn’t have much to do. Y/N tried moving as little as she could, as to not to disturb the sleeping body next to her, and she managed to detangle herself from Raul’s arms to not wake him up. 

But it didn’t go exactly as planned as she heard him sigh heavily before turning on his side to face her. Y/N tried to pretend to be asleep, hoping it was just him dreaming or something like that, but when she felt him gently pushing the hair out of her face and moving it behind her ear, she opened her eyes to look up at him. 

“Bambi, what’s keeping you up?” he croaked in a raspy sleepy tone and she just shrugged in response, making him sigh “I’ve been feeling you trash around for at least an hour now, tell me what’s going on so I can try to fix it and finally put you to sleep”

Her voice was small as she finally spoke up, almost afraid she’d piss him off “I don’t know, I just can’t”

“Darling, is past one A.M. and we both work not that early tomorrow, but we still need to be up at seven, so please tell what’s bothering you” he sighed in defeat.

Y/N shook her head “It’s nothing, really, you should go to sleep” 

“I really wish I could just pretend to believe in you, turn around and go back to sleep, but we both know that’s not happening, and I’d be a jerk if I did that, so please, I just want to help” he laid his hand on her jaw, his thumb mindlessly caressing the soft skin on her face.

She leaned on his palm, enjoying the warmth of his palm seeping onto her skin “I just think I might still be a bit stressed with what happened today, and that’s making me restless”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Before we laid down? I could’ve made you some tea or something else to try to calm you a bit more, maybe even a massage, you know I’m good at it” he had a frown on his face as he said it, concern lacing his features and his voice. 

“I guess I didn’t want to be a bother, specially with something that stupid”

Raul’s honeyed eyes softened at her admission “it’s not stupid if it’s keeping you up at night, Bambi, you should’ve known that, and I would never judge you for it”

“I know, and saying it aloud makes me even more dumb for not sharing it earlier and maybe even saving us from this, I’m sorry I kept you up” 

“Oh angel, come here” he said before pulling her into his chest “you don’t have to apologize, that’s why I’m here, right? To take care of you, and it’s okay”

Y/N only nodded her head against his chest as she snuggled closer to him, mumbling into his t-shirt “okay”

He chuckled quietly before adding “Now what can I do to help?” 

“I don’t know” 

“Do you want a cup of tea?” he offered and she only tightened her hold on the fabric of his pijamas making him laugh “okay, what about a kissy?” he asked mocking the way she asked him for one a few weeks back on her drowsy sleepy state. 

“You’re insufferable” she huffed out as he chuckled.

“That’s not what you said yesterday” he sing sang and she slapped his chest softly playfully. 

Y/N shook her head holding back a smile as he laughed before adding "Look, I know you're a hard ass but can you play with my hair? It would really help"

As his laugh died down a bit he tipped her head up with his fingers under her chin, placing a kiss to the tip of her nose “jokes apart, of course I will, angel, anything you want, really”

She sighed contently at him as he pulled her to his chest again, starting to comb his long fingers through her soft locks “thank you” and Raul only placed a single kiss to her forehead in response. 

Y/N started feeling her body finally relaxing completely, her heavy limbs finally turning into gelatin, and her body basically turning into a puddle. Her mind was finally shutting off and all she could focus on was her boyfriend. His signature scent as her face was buried in his neck, his warm body under hers and his gentle caresses slowly putting her in a sleepy state. And she was grateful for having such an amazing partner to do everything he did for her when she felt a bit off, never pushing her to tell him whenever she was uncomfortable and being patient despite being tired as she accidentally woke him up. And even though this weren’t too much to ask, Y/N knew how rare was to find a man like that, and little things like this made her remember how lucky she truly was. 

“Now what about the kissy?” he asked after a few moments of silence and she giggled quietly before tilting her head up and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips “better, thought you were going to put me in emotional distress”

“Over a kiss?”

“Over your kiss, they’re special, Bambi” he said and she rolled her eyes at him, but both ended up laughing.

“Goodnight, Raul”

“Goodnight, angel” and this time, she was actually able to succumb to her tired body’s wishes and fall fast asleep. 

                                                 -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

[waywardnerd67]

Star Crossed: Falling Star

Summary: Jensen has played a hero for the better part of a decade but being one in real life was far more terrifying. All he knows is that he had to protect (Y/N) at all cost even that of his own life. With her stalker fan behind bars, they are faced with the ultimate decision of the next steps in their blossoming relationship. Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader Rating: M - Mature Warnings: Angst Word Count: 1328 A/N: None

Check out: Star Crossed Masterlist

In three hundred and something episodes, Jensen had faced down all kinds of monsters and weapons as Dean Winchester. Fans had often asked him at conventions what he would do in a real life scenario if he would be as brave as Dean. Standing in front of the woman he loved as someone pointed a gun at them had his body stiff with fear.

“You don’t want to do this.” He said, trying to keep his voice steady and calm, “You don’t want to hurt anyone.”

If it were not for the man holding the small gun at them, Jensen would have tackled him to the ground. He glanced down at his phone to see the screen black with a large crack through it. He needed to buy them some time so the guards could get to them.

“What’s your name?”

The man took his eyes off (Y/N) and narrowed them on him, “She knows my name. I’ve written hundreds of letters to her. Been to every concert she’s ever had in Kansas and Missouri. She’s written my name a dozen times from meet and greets. She’s the only one who needs to know it.”

Jensen looked back to (Y/N) whose eyes were wide not with recognition but with fear. He knew at that moment she had no idea who the man was in front of them. When he caught movement from his direction, Jensen turned back seeing him move into the room.

“I want you to admit that you’re just using her. Tell her that you’re like all the other men in her life and will break her heart. I want you to stop leading her on so she can finally be with me… her true soulmate.”

He felt her shaking hand press against his back before she stepped beside him, “AJ, right? You like to go by AJ.”

The man’s lips curled into a satisfied smile, “See, she knows exactly who I am.”

“O-Of course, you were really sweet and patient waiting in line to talk with me. I, um, I signed your album and we had a lovely chat.” She continued gripping Jensen’s arm now standing slightly in front of him.

AJ sighed lowering the weapon a little, “Yes in Chicago, that is where we bumped into one another. I was going to school then but it only got in the way of us being together.”

“That’s right, I bumped into you and felt so bad. I think I called you by your formal name as well then and felt terrible for not remembering you prefer AJ. I’m sorry about that again hun.”

Jensen was in awe of the bravery (Y/N) was having trying to reason and calm her fan down. She was defusing the situation and buying them all the time they needed for Clif to get there. However, the pathetic whimper that came from the man’s lips made his stomach churn when she called him hun. He slowly placed his hand on her back to reassure her that he was right there.

“That’s okay. Just Alec was my father’s name and I hated him.” AJ got a distant look in his eyes as if recalling something, “He doesn’t matter, no one does except for you.”

AJ looked at (Y/N) with a renewed determination as she spoke, “I-I’m glad I mean so much to you and my music.”

“Now, to cut out the dead weight so we can move on with our life together. C’mere (Y/N).” AJ held out his hand pointing the gun at Jensen with the other.

“AJ, you don’t need to hurt either of us. We can just leave and I’m sure Jensen won’t bother us again. Right?” She looked up at him with expectant eyes.

Jensen nodded, “Right.”

AJ shook his head, “I don’t believe him. I’ve seen how he looks at you and he’ll never let you go. I admire that about him and know how it feels. I know that the only way to truly have him out of our life is by this…”

Time slowed to an impossible pace. The echo of the shot ringing in his ears as several things happened at once. (Y/N) cried out stepping in front of him. Jensen grabbed her arms, shoving her out of the way just as a searing pain pierced through his skin just under his ribs. He dropped to the floor grasping his stomach hearing (Y/N) scream his name. Then there was another sickening thud as Clif fell to the floor with AJ beneath him.

The slowing thump of his heart filled his ears. His arms and legs were getting heavier by the second. A warm pool surrounded his body on the floor as (Y/N)’s beautiful face came into his sight.

“Hold on Jensen. Oh god, please hold on… the paramedics are almost here.”

He tried to reach out to her but his arm would not move and darkness was starting to enclose around his eyes, “(Y-Y/N)...” Everything went black.

It had been a week since (Y/N)’s fan had broken into his home and tosh him. He was still in the hospital recovering from surgery and catching up on everything that happened afterwards. He had not seen (Y/N) and according to Addy she was staying at his house with her. Waiting for Jared to come back with some food, Jensen continued to scroll through his social media.

Fans were tweeting their love and support for both of them. He tried to scroll through as many as he could before the emotions from that day choked him. Setting his phone down, he tried to close his eyes and could only see that moment happening over and over again.

“Hey.”

Jensen opened his eyes to see Jared holding a tray from the cafeteria, “Hey Jare.”

He took a few small bites of the jello while Jared ate a burger. Neither of them spoke as they were both lost in their own thoughts. He was dying to see (Y/N) and hold her, to know she was truly okay. Addy had told him that she was by his bedside until he had woken up. He pulled up her Instagram post of (Y/N) sitting beside him.

Unable to take the silence he asked, “Why won’t she come see me?” His voice sounded weak and small, aggravating him.

“She needs time to process everything, Jensen. We… she watched you…” Jared could not finish his sentence looking at him with glossy eyes, “We didn’t know if you would wake up. I think she feels guilty for it.”

Jensen pushed the tray away from him, “I need to see her. I need to know she’s okay. That we’re okay. I… I can’t lose her…”

His hands covered his face as tears streamed down his cheeks. He felt Jared’s long arms wrap around him and for the first time in their long friendship. Jensen let the dam break, crying on his best friend’s shoulder.

Soon, Jensen was released to go back home to finish his recovery. Tina and Jared helped him inside the front door. Addy stood from the couch walking over to him and squeezed his hand.

“Good to see you up and about.”

He gave her a tight smile as his eyes locked onto (Y/N)’s form sitting on the couch, “Can I have a moment, please?”

The others walked towards the kitchen without a word as he made his way slowly over to her. He stared at her for a moment not believing this was the same woman he fell in love with. There was a hardness in her eyes and it shook him to his core.

“Pretty girl…” She flinched at his nickname for her, “(Y/N)?”

She closed her eyes taking a deep breath before turning towards him, “We need to talk.”

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[whump-a-la-mode]

Gilded Cage - Part 7

I can only describe this as tooth-rotting fluff. Our whumpee deserves it!

Thank you so much to everyone for going through this story with me. I’ve had so much fun.

@worstcasescenariolullaby

CW//Hospital setting, medical talk, talk of broken bones, talk of surgery, altered states of mind, mentions of death, mentions of building collapses, conspiracy

“Are you sure about this?” Sidekick’s face twisted in a mask of concern.

“I’m sure.” Villain nodded.

“The Heroes...”

“The city won’t let this happen again. Come visit me in hospital sometime, okay? I’ll be okay.”

“Okay.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The felt piece on the bottom of the chess pawn had long since worn away, leaving a dull screeching noise in its wake as Villain moved the piece forward on the board. In expectation, they raised their head to their opponent, before gazing back down at the board. Examining the playing field. Furrowing their brows.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Their opponent, Old Friend, spoke, their tongue filled with equal parts laughter and playful teasing. “And... there goes your rook.”

“What!” Villain’s gaze darted about the board, before grumbling and removing their fallen piece, adding it to a quickly growing pile. “You’re cheating.”

“How does one cheat at chess?”

“By being better than me. There, okay, there goes your pawn.”

“And there goes your knight.”

“Asshole. Come on, you have to have a secret. You gotta tell me.”

Old Friend smiled.

“You’re so intent on taking my pieces that you don’t worry about your own. Also, I was in the chess club back in school, so...”

“Nerd.” Villain stuck out their tongue.

“Alright, candle boy.”

“Hey! I told you-”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just really funny.”

“I could disintegrate a candle-”

“I know, I know. It’s your move, dude.”

“Fine. Is turning the board to ash a valid chess move?”

“There’s enough fire damage on the pieces as it is. Candle boy.”

“At least come up with something better than that. Like... Like blowtorch. That sounds cool.”

“Blowtorch? What are you, like, seven?”

“Eh, there’s worse villain names out there.”

“You don’t have one yet, do you?”

“Nah. I’m not that breed of cocky. They just call me the arsonist, I think.”

“That’s pretty underwhelming.”

“Meh.”

Again, Villain studied the board a moment. They sent a rook forwards, knocking over a knight on the other side.

“Your move.”

Old Friend nodded, and, for a few moments, they sat like that. Accompanied by nothing but the sounds of the city and the scraping of pieces on the board.

“Did Violet ever have a name?”

It took Villain a few moments to register the question. They moved a piece before looking up.

“What, like a villain name?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think so. You could ask her.”

“Aw, man, you haven’t heard?”

Villain frowned, lips pursing together to form a thin line.

“She’s gone?”

“Bridge collapse. I was always warning her, taking roots out of the ground like that is gonna make something fall eventually. Just so happened to be right on top of her. It’s a shame, really. Gonna have to find somewhere else to get our lettuce, now.”

“Not funny.”

“I know. And... check.”

“What?”

“Checkmate.”

“Again?”

“Again.”

Villain shoved the board away from themself, sitting back and stretching their arms above their head. Old Friend swiped the remaining pieces from the board, beginning to once again set the stage for their next game.

“This time, think about the risk you might be putting your pieces in. It’s not worth it, losing a knight to take out a pawn, y’know?”

“I guess.”

“What’s got you acting so sad all of a sudden?” Old Friend looked up. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m gonna get a candle.”

“Okay. You good?”

“I just... I just need a candle.”

Villain stood, stiff legs aching with pins and needles as they moved across the small, damp-walled apartment. The kitchen, or what was little more than a countertop with a fridge and microwave, was barren, snack bowls long since left with nothing but crumbs.

They drew open the door of one of the wall-mounted cabinets, unveiling a series of shelves, stacked with white pillars of wax. Most lumpy and misshapen, the rest bent and folded in on themselves. Villain selected one, moving back to where Old Friend had just finished resetting the board. They sat in their spot, a place already well worn into the carpet.

“Do you want to play again?” Old Friend’s voice had grown quiet, concerned.

“Yeah... Just give me a second.”

“Need to let it out?”

“Yeah.”

The firebrand gripped the white-waxed candle in one hand, then the other. Feeling the film transfer from palm to palm. The flame in their stomach answered the call without hesitance. They had already felt the heat, struggling to escape into their veins.

It was slow, at first. The wax did not melt, simply molding itself, bulging and shifting as to allow Villain’s fingers to make their mark. Their eyes fixed upon the process: The control of it. The way in which the wax moved only on their call.

It helped them breathe.

“Violet...” They began, frowning again. “That’s the second bridge accident this year.”

“There’s a lot of bridges, to be fair.”

“But not a lot of collapses.”

“What are you saying?”

“It seems so much like a coincidence, but... How many have we lost, this year?”

“Violet and Argyle, uh, Aaron I think. Dana and Evelyn and-”

“And what month is it?”

“April?”

“Exactly.”

“I mean, we lose a lot, but...”

“And they’re always accidents. Car crashes. Building fires. Drownings. But they’re not accidents.”

The wax yielded with more readiness. A few droplets fell, deftly caught by Villain’s other hand.

“What do you mean, they’re not accidents? I don’t think people drown on purpose.”

“Well, yeah. But that’s not what I mean. If they were actually accidents, you would think they’d happen at random times. But-”

“It’s always when the Heroes are around. Always during battle.”

“Exactly.”

“I don’t think the Heroes are doing it on purpose, though. I mean, they wouldn’t just blow up a bridge to kill one villain. The battles just get too intense, I think. I mean, how many times have you almost died in battle?”

“A lot.”

“Same here. That’s all.”

“No. No.” Villain shook their head. “I’ve almost died many times. But I haven’t died. Because I’m not stupid. And the others weren’t, either.”

“I don’t think the Heroes are killing people, Villain.”

“Then what else are they doing?”

“I don’t know, protecting the city? Whatever nonsense they say.”

“Protecting the city from us. Supposedly. But it seems like they’re a hell of a lot more focused on these big battles.”

“That’s kind of our fault, to be fair.”

“Is it? Most of our didn’t choose this life.”

“We’re still doing, I mean, crimes. Like, we’re definitely criminals.”

“Then they should be taking us to prison.”

“Isn’t that what they do?”

“When is the last time you heard of anyone going to prison?”

“I mean, uh... What about Jared?”

“You mean the one they got in a van that then mysteriously exploded?”

“Oh. Right. What about, uh, didn’t they get Kara?”

“Yeah. And then pronounced her dead at the hospital.”

“Okay. Maybe... maybe you have a point.”

Between Villain’s fingers, a single droplet of candle wax fell.

“Yeah.”

Old Friend sighed.

“Do you want to play again?”

“Mhm.”

Villain drew the heat from their palms, allowing the remnants of the candle to solidify in their hands. They placed it down, then, though droplets of white still stuck to their fingers.

“I think...” Old Friend looked down at the board, considering their first move. “I think if the Heroes ever capture you, you’ll find they’re a lot kinder than you expect.”

Villain snorted in laughter.

“If the Heroes ever capture me, there will nothing left of my body to find.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 

“It’s a miracle.”

“It is. The damage they sustained... I can hardly believe that there’s enough blood left in them to keep them alive.”

“Hardly any blood. Hardly any body, either.”

“Yeah.”

“A real miracle. The guys down in Radiology, they thought we got the scans mixed up. They confused them for those of the guy in the other room. The motorcycle crash one.”

“That makes sense. To think that a human did this...”

“Not a normal human. A lot stronger than a normal human.”

“But with the same morals as a normal human.”

“You’d hope so.”

“Oh. Crap, looks like they’re waking up. Let’s give a bit more propofol... They need their rest.”

Villain’s closed eyes twitched, as though dreaming. At least, they did not think they were dreaming. It was hard to say, these days...

Had it been days? Or just a couple of hours? They tried to think, to remember, but the will to do so was deeply buried under blankets and bitter-tasting medicines. They longed to sit up, to move, to open their eyes, but those thoughts came from such a small part of their mind. The rest of them was so tired...

The numbness, now, was softer. Warmer. It was not a force of overwhelming heat, laughing at them and telling them to forget their pain, to keep moving. Instead, this time, the numbness was simply warm. Pleasantly so. Urging them to rest, to sleep, to ignore the taste of iron on their tongue that refused to go away.

Sleeping and wakefulness, to them, felt to be a sliding scale. They spent much time at the former end, in blissful unconsciousness, but had yet to find themself at the latter. They struggled for it, struggled to get close, but their anxious murmurs and twitching were always responded to with soft words and hands and more warmth in their veins.

Vilain was floating for a moment. Again, the hundredth time, they struggled to part their lips, but only managed to exert effort to no end.

“Their leg... I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

“Are you sure they’re strong enough for this?”

“Yeah. We can’t wait any longer. The bone will heal wrong if we wait any longer.”

“Okay.”

The numbness was stronger, that time.

“Villain? Villain?”

Their eyelids twitched, again.

“They said you’d opened your eyes, earlier...”

There was more softness, in that tone. Not the pitying notes of a doctor or nerve-wracked surgeon, but the warm coaxing of a friend.

The hand on their wrist was cold.

Their fingers twitched, then their lips. They tried to utter out a syllable, but only managed a shaky breath.

“Yeah, that’s it. Thank you. Do you remember me?”

Did they? They weren’t sure what they remembered, anymore. They remembered being here. They remembered the blankets and the half-hearted attempts by the nurses to coax them into swallowing a spoonful of jello.

“It’s Doctor. Do you remember me? Do you remember Doctor?”

“Doctor?”

The word came out more like a croak. Their eyes twitched with more furor this time, until, at long last, the world flooded into sterile existence around them. They got distracted, a moment, by the pattern of white tiles above.

“There you go!” There was genuine pride in that voice. “I knew you could do it.”

“Mmm.”

“Can you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” That cold hand moved from their wrist to their hand. Trying to hold it, to embrace their fingers. But Villain did not have the strength for such a thing. “I’m so sorry, Villain. I’m so sorry.”

“F- for what?”“

“I- I almost killed you! Had you stayed under my care... I’m sorry.”

Villain blinked a moment, trying to think.

“You...” Their throat felt so terribly raw. “You were right.”

“It wasn’t right to let Hero try to kill you.”

“No... Not that. You said, uh, about warmth. ‘Bout heat.”

There was a smile. Villain did not have to see it to know that it was there.

“You understood?”

“Yes. On th’stage.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you did good.”

“I get it, now. I think... Heat can, uh, it can destroy buildings.” Their words were awfully drawn out, hard to understand through their lengthy slurring. “But it can also... bake cookies.”

Doctor laughed, at that.

“You’re right. You’re right.”

Villain’s fingers finally agreed to move, wrapping around Doctor’s hand.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Villain.” Another sigh. This one, warm. “Have you heard, what they’re saying about you? You lost so much blood. And your organs were all over the place. It’s a miracle that you survived.”

The grasp on Villain’s hand tightened.

“They said you only lived because you wanted to. Because you really, really wanted to survive. Is that right?”

“I... I think it is. Yeah.”

“Yeah. I’ll be back, okay? Get some rest.”

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It was three weeks after, that they were allowed to have any more visitors. Three weeks of medicines and surgeries and treatments and x-rays. It all blurred in their mind, until the calendar held as little meaning to them as the results of their blood tests.

They weren’t healed. Certainly not. But wakefulness no longer felt like such a monumental effort.

The jello tasted like nothing as they placed it upon their tongue. Nothing but sugar and sweetener, desperately trying to mask the tastelessness of gelatin. By the time the door opened, which it did with such a force that Villain wondered if it had been struck with a battering ram, they were almost done with the cup of overly-sweet dessert.

They jumped, nearly dropping their plastic spoon as their gaze snapped upwards. For a split second, the figure in the doorway made their limbs begin to shake, a familiar pressure reviving on their neck. But, it only lasted a second.

Sidekick looked different. Their stature was the same, certainly, as well-muscled as ever, but it was no longer draped in any sort of uniform. Instead, a grey sweatshirt struggled to contain their form, marked with the logo of some sports team or another.

Villain took another bite of jello.

“Good news.” Sidekick’s smile had the same media allure that Hero once showed the cameras, sending a shiver down Villain’s spine. They strode nearer, confident steps striking the tile floor. Compared to them, Villain felt terribly small. “Come on, don’t you want to hear it?”

Another bite and the cup was empty. They placed it down on the small table next to their bed.

“Um... Yeah. Okay.” They could not muster up nearly enough energy to match that of their visitor.

“Okay, so, J- sorry, uh, you-know-who, they found the video. The real one. Without all the edits.”

“That’s... good.”

“Mhm. We have news stations willing to broadcast it, too. Put some doubt on the story, right?”

“Right.”

“You... Don’t seem as excited as I remember you being.”

“Sorry.” Villain’s gaze cast downwards. “I’m still just a little tired, and all.”

“Oh. Well, that makes sense. You got hurt pretty bad. Do you have any idea when you might be out of here?”

“Not really.”

“I’ll try to ask a nurse or something. When you’re strong enough, though, we’ve got this whole plan. You’re gonna be, like, our emissary. Between us and the villains, yeah?”

“Uh... why?”

“Well, I mean, the Heroes only really exist to stop you and the other villains. If we can just... convince them to stop doing villain stuff, then the public will start the see that the Heroes are, y’know, not all their cracked up to be.”

Villain struggled to suppress a smile. They couldn’t imagine trying to ask some of their former cohorts to all of a sudden go on the straight and narrow.

Still, even beneath the blankets and the medicine, they felt the smallest scrap of warmth return. A tiny ember, floating in their stomach.

The opportunity to turn their pain into something other than nightmares and tears in the hospital bed’s pillow.

“When I’m out of here... well, we’ll have to see, I guess.”

“That’s all we can really hope for. Now, uh, I kind of have to go. They’re about to notice I broke a window.”

“You w-”

“Sorry! Gotta go!”

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It was the smell that made Villain recognize their second visitor, more than their appearance.

They looked different. Quite different. Taller, slightly, with tight cords of muscle now curling about their neck. Nothing like the tiny twig they’d once known.

It looked like they’d finally hit their growth spurt, after all. A decade late.

The scent that they carried with them was one of freshly cut wood, the rural stench of sawdust, accompanied by the damp musk of a home long forgotten.

“Holy shit, candle boy.”

Four words. Four stupid words, uttered the moment Old Friend walked through the door.

Villain burst out laughing.

Not laughter of sorrow, or of venom. True laughter. The warmth that filled their chest this time had nothing to do with flame.

“So, am I allowed to hug you, or...”

“There’s no doctors here to tell us not to.”

“Good point.”

The warmth in Villain’s chest only increased with Old Friend’s embrace. Their friend buried their head in their shoulder. The tears wet quickly through Villain’s hospital gown.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“You didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“I should have-”

“It’s in the past, now. I’m just so glad you’re alive.”

“Just to be clear... you’re not a good guy?”

“I don’t know what I am. But I’m still your friend.”

“That’s all I care about.”

The embrace broke off after over a minute, though it was still far too soon.

“We have an apartment. Me and Aggie and some others.” Old Friend stepped back. “We have a room all set up. Even found some of your old stuff. I know it’s gonna be a while, but... you’ve always got somewhere to go, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

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The End

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I can’t thank you guys enough for reading through this story and experiencing it with me. This is the end of this story, but I hope to make another one soon!

There is no next part, so there are no story paths to choose from for next time. But, I still have options to pick from. I want to hear what you think Villain’s choice will be!

A) Be a hero. Go with Sidekick, and liberate the city

B) Be a friend. Return to Old Friend. Make life good again.