#and see myself reflected back
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tiny creature of steel.. hi inscryption tumblr community what did i miss
(og image under the cut!)
#inscryption#inscryption fanart#inscryption p03#my art#(i got too lazy to draw the back reflection im sorry)#hey guys!! guess whos back again :3#sorry for the inactivity!! i took a break for a while due to some things happening irl but i am back again ^-^#yes that is an ultrakill reference i'll see myself out now
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regret
#literally excuse the shitty anatomy and cell shading i was thinking abt chuuyas reaction to what he'd done and i decided to make it skk#bc skk copium :')#the way i've hated dazai so fucking much but i still cried like a bitch when he died#he's not dead the bsd fandom has this phase like the elevator chapter where we're like ''dazai's not gonna make it he's done for!!''#and then he comes back next chapter like surprise bitches yall thought i was dead lmao#this chapter fucking HURT for skk shippers tho like we rly lost this time around huh#deluding myself into thinking that chuuya used gravity manipulation to slow the bullet#bc we didn't see a bullet hole behind dazais head like when chuuya shot his shoulder even though the bullet to his skull was fired at close#the reason theres a wound is bc the compressed air that was still fired was enough to wound him#and the shock wave that followed caused him to pass out bc of the sudden tension to his head intermingled with the blood loss and poison#we also know dazai can control his heart rate at will so maybe he can drop his pulse to zero for like thirty secs#enough to make fyodor believe he's dead#in the event that all of this is untrue and dazai rly does die the way my entire being will go numb and cold and dead#knowing that fyodor will most likely use dazai's death as a weapon against chuuya effectively chaining him to his side#like bffr chuuya may dislike dazai but that's his partner his reflection the boy that makes him desperately want to be human#dazai is the embodiment of chuuyas humanity and once chuuya loses that tether to his human side he will snap and the facade will shatter#and we will truly see chuuya unhinged with nothing more keeping him bound to his mortal shell#this wasn't the skk reunion we wanted asigiri what the fuck :(#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#skk#soukoku#lotus draws
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simple thoughts on meta knight and gender euphoria
#kirby#meta knight#king dedede#bandana waddle dee#misc knights#rhyn's art#he’s so gender#i wanted to keep this concise but if i were to go into more depth with it#when i look in the mirror on any average day wearing any old outfit#i see myself. technically#i know that i'm there. i know it's me#but it feels so foreign and unfamiliar#and then other days i have the right sweater or the right combination of clothes#and i see myself. definitely#those moments make me so much happier#because sometimes i catch my reflection really quickly and have to do a double take when i realize i recognize the person staring back#in those moments i feel like everyone who looks at me sees the same person i do#regardless of whether or not they know anything about me#hope this is all comprehensive. i'm not very good at putting this into words
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At the start of this project all I wanted was to 'learn how to draw' using comics as a medium and the MDZS audio drama as inspiration.
I've come *very* far from making simple, 3 panel black and white comics, and I truly do intend to go even further. Thank you to everyone who cheered me on throughout 2023, it has been an incredible year in so many ways I never could have imagined. I look forwards to drawing throughout 2024 B*)
(2024 summary here)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#It's so interesting looking back at how my style and technique changed throughout the year!#I used PD-wwx as the consistent factor (October is an exception) and you can see so many processes going on.#My little petri dish amoeba (with a little red bow to tell him apart from the other amoeba) <3#Whether it's getting new markers or trying out a new shading style - it's cool seeing a snapshot of my journey like this B*)#There's certainly been a slower curve to my overt improvement *but* I have become so much faster!#My life outside of drawing has been hectic and at several points extremely stressful this year. For all the work this blog has been-#-It has truly been a life saving anchor when the darkest of times have hit.#Love is hard work. Change is even harder work. Sticking to a goal I set out for myself and striving to keep going was worth it.#And I love drawing. I think there has always been something in me that longed for this. And it is finally tangible! I can draw!!!#I wanted to make a more elaborate year reflection where I looked back at my favourite comics and jokes.#but I'll leave that to the one year anniversary.#I have also been collecting a ton of statistics throughout the year and I am desperate to share them. I'm that kind of nerd B*)#I can never say it enough: Thank you all for the kindness and support. I wish everyone a lovely 2024!!!
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Eta on the YouTube video? No rush, just exchange
im gonna be honest man please do not count on me here lmao. my follow through rate for these projects is like 5%. real ones remember gourdquest and other related failed projects i came close to the sun on. if i succeed it will be huge for me on a genuine personal level and it will be the first time i've finished a creative project at all in years but if i do not. neither you nor me should be surprised
#lichens#yeahhh not gonna lie#the reason ive never added like a ko-fi or anything to this blog is because i see my dim reflection in a million failed internet projects#i almost added a ko-fi once and actually got a couple donations but i refunded them and closed it because i was like. no. this wont work#my dream job would indeed be to be a youtube essayist that talks about plant topics#but im at my most reliable as like. a capitalism worker clocking in and out at a set time at the work location lol#this is also why i have not gone back to grad school yet lmao like i just do not trust myself not to deviate from the set topic#also im starting my EMT classes and jobs very very very soon so i was trying to get it done before that but as the time comes i go o. oh no
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the pathologic Kin is largely fictionalized with a created language that takes from multiple sources to be its own, a cosmogony & spirituality that does not correlate to the faiths (mostly Tengrist & Buddhist) practiced by the peoples it takes inspirations from, has customs, mores and roles invented for the purposes of the game, and even just a style of dress that does not resemble any of these peoples', but it is fascinating looking into specifically to me the sigils and see where they come from... watch this:
P2 Layers glyphs take from the mongolian script:
while the in-game words for Blood, Bones and Nerves are mongolian directly, it is interesting to note that their glyphs do not have a phonetic affiliation to the words (ex. the "Yas" layer of Bones having for glyph the equivalent of the letter F, the "Medrel" layer of Nerves having a glyph the equivalent of the letter È,...)
the leatherworks on the Kayura models', with their uses of angles and extending lines, remind me of the Phags Pa Script (used for Tibetan, Mongolian, Chineses, Uyghur language, and others)
some of the sigils also look either in part or fully inspired by Phags Pa script letters...
some look closer to the mongolian or vagindra (buryat) script
looking at the Herb Brides & their concept art, we can see bodypainting that looks like vertical buryat or mongolian script (oh hi (crossed out: Mark) Phags Pa script):
shaped and reshaped...
#not sure how much. what's the word. bond? involvement? not experience. closeness? anyone in the team has with any of these cultures#but i recall learning lead writer is indigenous in some way & heavily self-inserts as artemy [like. That's His Face used for#the p1 burakh portrait] so i imagine There Is some knowledge; if not first-hand at least in some other way#& i'm not in the team so i don't know how much Whatever is put into Anything#[ + i've ranted about the treatment of the brides Enough. enough i have]#so i don't have any ground to stand on wrt how i would feel about how these cultures are handled to make the Kin somewhat-hodgepodge.#there is recognizing it is Obviously inspired by real-life cultures [with the words;the alphabet;i look at Kayura i know what i see]#& recognizing it Also is. obviously and greatly imagined. not that weird for you know. a story.#like there is No Turkic/Altaic/Mongolic culture that has a caste of all-women spiritual dancers who place a great importance on nudity#as a reflection of the perfect world and do nothing but dance to bring about the harvest. ykwim...#like neither the Mongols nor the Buryats nor the Tibetans dress the way the Kin does. that's cos the Kin is invented. but they're invented.#.. on wide fundations. ykwim......#Tengrism has a Sky Deity (Tengri) with an earth-goddess *daughter* whereas the kin worship an Earth-Goddess mother of everything#+ a huge bull. Buddhism has its own complete cosmogony & beliefs which from the little I know Vastly Differ from anything the Kin believes#like. yeah. story. but also. [holds myself back from renting about the Brides again] shhh...#neigh (blabbers)#pathologic#pathologic 2
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I work with somebody about once a week who is so fascinating to me, especially when they are at our first desk. When someone walks in, they do not so much as smile or look at them, much less greet them. When someone leaves, they don't do anything either. If someone says, "Thank you," they say, "Sure," and if someone says, "Have a good one," they say, "Sure."
Listen. I don't know if it's because I was born and raised in the South for over three decades or because I was the front-facing customer-service-driven person at my previous jobs for a grand total of eight years. But I wince and get a little flappy anxious every time. What do you mean, you're not greeting people warmly so they're smiling as soon as they come through the door? What do you mean, you don't thank them for coming, wish them a good day, and bid them farewell? What do you mean, you just don't interact with the public unless forced, even in our front-facing job?
I think the amiable Southern politeness is just too engrained in me. There is no getting rid of it. And I'm kind of hoping that eventually I can work my way up to having more shifts at our first desk instead of our second because it's a lot weirder to gently greet someone from a distance when the employee closest to them is not paying them a single bit of mind.
#please do not misunderstand me this is not me criticizing people who have social anxiety or autism or are uncomfortable with small talk#i have and am all of those things in fact#it's just me reflecting on the cultural differences between the south and the midwest that i have discovered so far#people are startled when i hold the door open for them if i go in before them and they're close behind me#and my coworkers seem alarmed sometimes when i greet people with a beaming smile and try to make conversation#i still can't stop myself from smiling and making eye contact with someone if we pass on the sidewalk#i force myself to talk at a reasonable pace and not jump in and interrupt people with 'yeah' or 'sure' like i'm impatient with them#and part of it is my upbringing but also part of it is that we are painfully in need of funding and donations#and literally the only thing i can do in that regard is make people feel so happy to be in our building that they keep coming back#and they develop relationships with the staff and attend our programs and finally see how much more we could do#if we had just a little bit more help#augh i really love my job y'all and i really hope i can keep doing well there and get more hours and responsibility and money#i come home every day feeling fuzzy and smiling even if i am absolutely exhausted as well#my ramblings
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Despite the pain this teen talk has inflicted, I just know the angst that’ll come from post-s2 Normal-centric fics will be banging
#I’ve digested the information a bit I’ve calmed down lol#will I take the teen talk as canon fact mmmmm debatable I do think Norm’s anger and frustration makes a lot of sense#and how that may be internalized in a very particular way#but will I rob myself of simple joys such as silly Oak family shenanigans? no#sorry Sparrow’s my most prized Barbie doll I love her and nothing will change that#also partially bc I cannot stand looking at Normal and seeing my reflection staring back Will Campos where is the wire#normal oak#dndads
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm
#its the allure of like . mismatch btwn right person / wrong time . maybe in personal development and such#or wrong person / right time and trying 2 make it work but the circumstances are set 2 separate you#i think the guilt ford harbors over his relationship w fidds is good and i think hes had a lot of reflection . 30 yrs at least#but i dont rly care for like a . HELPP SRY IM LIKE talking to myself#i dont rly care ‘if’ they got back tgether in the end#fanon wise or whagever obviouslyy . no avrually emma-may kicking fidds out over the xmas thing its over HELPPPP#i feel like i always hve to clarify bc then theres that one guy whos like ‘smth smth you cant read . ooc loser .’idgaf . not gaffing today#i think mcguckets decision to forgive him is rly sweet And i do like the recognition of .. the whole incident being a misstep on both their#parts ykwim ? like ford was an ass for sureee but also mcgucket + memory gun was his own autonomous detriment#but#no i cant read the other tags i was writing i forgot where i was at#anyways im so obsessed w like . this being such an imperfect event with imperfect equals#ford theory and fidds the mechanics . which brw im also obsessed w how That is revered in canon .#but yeah like imperfect event imperfect people who shared an incredible connecfion in my freaking mind#that was ultimately squandered to fords pride and fidds reticence#ugh like i love the rise and fall i love the strenght of their connection generally corroding over time#its just such a cool motivator for both themselves and like its a history they share together and post weirdmageddon get to finally think a#knowing now what they didnt have the tools to recognize then#idk.^__^ they r so crazy to me . playing w them like dolls in my head#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#gravity falls#every time i think ab this wrt every challeneged dynamic i think ab mars in the discord#talking ab x and y charas epic divorce arc#and im not even saying this to discredit Good relationships in media#bc those have a wealth of fun and interesting concepts or dynamics to dive into#its just something ab like . poetry of anger bro . and how love and hate can feel so similar and be borne from the same place#how one can transform into the other and back again due to . idk whatevee the hell theyve got going on^#prev post got me wishing we had more meat to the fallout#or that it was extended in content or scope . i want 2 see how they dealt with losing the other and then
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BEST worst problem to have but I can't look up color sams without seeing my post under the color! sans hashtag on google images even on incognito LMFAO.
#toffeesbabbles#I always cringe seeing my own posts not because I hate them but#it's like seeing my reflection stare back at me I become far to aware of myself
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Like it’s soooo easy to fall into despair and just assume something is fundamentally wrong and idk man sometimes you are just working with different pieces than everyone else and it sucks! But also sometimes you have to grit your teeth and figure out what the root of the problem is and what you yourself can do to improve it and it’s also going to be soooo easy to think of the solutions as big and daunting and impossible which is why you have to break it down AGAIN and figure out the smallest and most tangible ways to work towards it possible. Like who gives a fuck if your goal is just text one person a day that’s still SOMETHING, and if you keep doing it then maybe someday it won’t be as scary!! Maybe it’s writing for five minutes a day or maybe you start by asking people if they want to hang out and study for an afternoon or maybe you try eating an extra piece of fruit every few days i don’t freaking know but sometimes it really is just about doing something small and manageable over nothing at all and letting it build up. Idk. I’m just some guy who tries to talk in a discord server every day
#SORRY FOR GETTING PREACHY OR SOMETHING. I JUST FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT THE POWER OF SMALL REPEATED ACTIONS#I HAVE SPENT THE PAST COUPLE MONTHS REFLECTING ON QAYS I PERSONALLY CAN CHANGE PARTS OF MY LIFE#AND I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON IT A LITTLE BIT NOW THAT IM NOT DYING AND PLAN TO MORE WHEN IM BACK AT SCHOOL#AND I ACTUALLY FEEL PRETTY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF#and idk. it’s fucking terrifying sometimes but down the line it’ll be like that less and less. you just have to do it.#but again I am just a guy who had to figure this all out over the past 11 years. because adults and professionals hate to see me winning#like so fucking what I feel awkward socially. do it awkward man. do it until you feel comfortable being awkward around people#do it with the social algorithms and calculations do it needing 5 minutes to string words together right but DO IT!
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i think growing up i fantasized a lot about being loved and adored but i think for me it is getting to love and adore people that's infinitely more exciting and interesting
#other people are really interesting!#seeing myself reflected back in other people's love for me is a lot less interesting and surprising like i've seen enough of that guy#feeling very anti-jo march 2019 i guess i care more to love than to be loved#it feels really tied to my progression with gender and sexuality stuff too tbh#my previous sort of insatiable desire to be liked/loved really fed into the urge to suppress parts of myself that i felt were unpalatable#now that i give myself unconditional love and acceptance that suppressive urge is gone#and i unexpectedly have a lot more energy and care to spend on other people#sorry for being corny#it's just nice i'm happy to be here#personal nonsense
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wish i see something else than 'whoever is taller leads the dance' when it come to fanart with same sex couples (them actually dancing including) (cough radioapple cough)
AGREED! As a shortie myself, sometimes, you just wanna see a fellow shortie leading the dance. Is that really too much to ask? Am I just a naive, hopeless fool believing in dreams that will never come true?
It can work ಠ╭╮ಠ I think Lucifer would be fantastic at leading in a dance. Just give him a chance T.T
#siiiiigh#am I just too sensitive?#do I just get myself too worked up?#i hate a majority of the fandom romance tropes just because of how the shorter person in the relationship is depicted#i have issues okay#i have insecurities about my height#and I do not like seeing them reflected back at me#but alas#its okay Lucifer#you can lead the dances in my head#anon#anonymous#asks#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#the radio demon#lucifer morningstar#lucifer magne#radioapple#appleradio
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Blankie time we share body warmth and the bad dreams bounce back and crash into a wall and die <3
Blankie time💙🖤
#my stuff#asks#i extremely rarely sleep without my necklace and this is why. every time i have horrific dreams that leave me soaked in adrenaline#i was trapped in a stairwell with one entrance barricades and the other was a door i had to keep closed with my body#and there was a horde of zombies behind it trying to get in#i fell asleep holding it shut and dreamed about how i got there. the people i saw go from human to ravenous monster#whenever i have these dreams i’m not scared of pain or body horror#i’m scared of the hunger i see in their eyes. I’m scared that the only way to stop them is to kill them in an extremely difficult way#sometimes they can’t die at all#it so very clearly reflects my fear and distrust of The Population At Large as an autistic and trans person#anyone could turn on you. you have to protect those you love or they will turn on you too.#i always dream like this when i’m stressed and it doesn’t help the situation#i do not fear being devoured and i do not fear coming back. i fear i will be made into something that can only do evil#often in these dreams i get eaten and reanimate with my mind intact and then have to Convince the others that i’m infected to avoid#to avoid being completely devoured#so yeah. autistic masking isn’t taking any toll i’m sure#burying myself in the blankie for ever and ever
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Lookie what I got! The rarest of collector's editions, with only one in existence! (There's an @ symbol in place of a © on the title page.)
(There's only one because I fixed it after I ordered my proof copy.)
Someday this will be very valuable, for sure!
#optimism ftw#why yes I do feel a bit stupid for that rather boneheaded error#but instead of dwelling on that I'd rather think about how much people will surely appreciate it years in the future#my writer friends are very talented you see#and there are some great stories in here#I like to think that someday the anthologies we put together will be looked back on in amazement#because how could so many famous writers have known each other from the start?#it's a nice thought#no idea what the future really holds of course#but I enjoy this possible future#just like I enjoy writing about Narcissus as a vampire who wants a reflection#and the walking-out-of-the-underworld Orpheus & Eurydice story as cyberpunk#there are many other cool things in here#and it comes out soon!#and pre-orders are up!#everywhere but Amazon for some aggravating reason!#clearly they are Too Big To Fail and no one is going to give them a proper kick in the pants for not getting their act together#like they were supposed to weeks ago#here's hoping their page works by launch day at least#we'll see#anyways!#yay I have my proof copy!#and it looks good!#I did the cover myself#my objectivity is shot but I think it turned out nice and professional#Shatterlore#book recs#indie author life#bookblr
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