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uriekukistan · 6 months ago

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JJK 261 ANALYSIS: What happened, how, why Yuuta made the choice he did, and a discussion of tragedy & major themes of JJK

MAJOR spoilers below the cut so please read at your risk.

i wanted to dissect what happened a bit, and address a few points i saw floating around since the leaks dropped. of course, these are all my interpretations, so feel free to disagree, i just had a lot of thoughts floating around that i wanted to put out for discussion.

I. Gojo was never coming back

first of all, i don't know how you guys expected him to survive bisection. i said this earlier in the day as my justification for why i didn't think gojo was coming back, prior to leaks, and i don't think i can say it any better now.

and this is just my interpretation of reverse curse technique, but if anything, yuuta in this chapter supports my theory. in the scene where he's on shoko's table and arata nitta says that he's used rct to keep the wounds from getting worse, but it might be too late for yuuta to recover. in that case, gojo wasn't coming back from being sliced in half. it's just not possible.

additionally, and this is another thing that i've said for a long time. he says right in episode 6 (i forgot the chapter) that his dream is to reset the jujutsu world raise up a generation of strong students that work together. that is why he became a teacher. this very clearly comes from his relationship with suguru, and it's one of gojo's clearest motivations from the beginning.

the problem is, in order to achieve this, he has to die. so long as satoru gojo is alive, he will have to carry the burden of being the strongest alone. his students won't have to work together, because gojo will just take care of everything. this is already in the works, with how many people have come together to stand against sukuna. if gojo lived and defeated sukuna on his own, this wouldn't have happened, and bringing him back would, again, reduce the need for his students work together.

unfortunately, gojo has been doomed by the narrative from the start, and his primary goal as a character basically requires his death to be realized in its entirety.

II. They're not heroes, they're jujutsu sorcerers.

yeah, i'm stealing megumi's line because it's true. he literally said it twice for a reason, and then yuuta said a repackaged version of it in this chapter ("we're about to fight history's strongest jujutsu sorcerer. if we can win by throwing away our humanity, we shouldn't even be arguing about this").

trust, all the characters are well aware of the ethical issues with taking gojo's body after he's dead, both with what it means for gojo, and with what it means for yuuta. but this isn't a story about heroism, this isn't a story about the power of friendship. if it was, yuuji would have saved junpei all the way back at the beginning of the series. it was pretty clear from the start that this wasn't going to be the typical shounen manga like that.

in fact, expecting it to be is unrealistic. it's unrealistic in real life too, if i'm being so honest. everyone wants to think they'd take the moral high road in this type of situation, but the reality is, when you're fighting tooth and nail against an opponent that is fighting dirty, you have to fight dirty too if you want to win, and i think that's what yuuta is trying to point out in this chapter.

this happens in real life wars which im not gonna get into examples because i dont want to start that kind of discourse, but like...it's so great to be idealistic and hope that virtue will triumph simply because it is virtuous, but i think if you take a look around, you'll realize it's true that good people do not get what they deserve simply because they're good (that's so megumi of me to say...). or if you think of it like a board game, if a player is cheating, it is infinitely harder to win without cheating yourself.

maybe this is a bit pessimistic of me to say, but you will not win a dirty fight without getting dirty yourself, and i think it's pretty clear that sukuna fights dirty.

additionally, it's shitty to see gojo be weaponized, and i understand that, but it plays into the themes about strength in jjk, which i will get into.

III. This was not an "ass pull."

i don't really have much to say to this. did you think yuuta wouldn't take kenjaku's technique? plus, kenjaku being eaten by rika is probably the only surefire way to ensure that they're dead and won't just hop to another body. i've already said why gojo wouldn't come back, but it makes sense that if yuuta were to copy kenjaku's technique, who else would he body hop into, if not gojo? there's already narrative evidence to support this action, from the guidelines of yuuta's technique, kenjaku's technique, and gojo's technique, to the character of yuuta okkotsu, which i want to do an analysis in a separate post for him, so i won't get into that right now.

idk...to me, all the threads connect, plus i felt like yuuta's return was foreshadowed pretty heavily in 259 & 260, with the mention of yuuta's plan that yuuji couldn't know, and then on the last page of 260, the comparison of sukuna and yuuta, so for me, i always thought that it was not actually gojo, but yuuta at the end of 260.

IV. Themes of JJK: The burden of being "the strongest," or even just strong

even many jjk fans see gojo as "the strongest," and nothing more, doing exactly what the narrative sets up as one of the chief problems of jjk. a lot of gojo's actions are spurred on by the burden he feels from being the strongest modern sorcerer. his entire character is built around this problem of the responsibility and burden that falls on someone who's considered to be "the best" at anything.

in fact, this is also a driving point for geto too, and the conflicts geto and gojo come into with each other, as well as geto's inevitable fall from grace. it all comes from this issue that's at the core of jujutsu society. gojo recognizes that, and, as i mentioned, that is why he became a teacher. so that no young sorcerers will feel the burden of being the strongest alone.

the problem is this is easier said than done. after gojo dies, this burden gets passed down to yuuta, and he feels that immense pressure, which is why he decides to do what he does. he says "haven’t we been pushing the burden of being a monster onto gojo-sensei alone? if gojo-sensei is gone, then who else will be the monster? If no one intends to become one, then I will!" and i think this really powerful evidence of the pressure and burden of being the strongest, and i think the word monster is really important here. the burden pushes people to be something they're not, a shadow of their true self.

it distorts morality, like with geto. it isolates people, like with gojo. it forces people to go to unspeakable lengths to uphold their burden, like with yuuta. it leads people with immense power to doubt themselves, like with megumi. it leads people to feel like a cog in the machine, not a human, like with yuuji.

this is sooo so important and a key theme of jjk, and this chapter in particular, and the driving force behind yuuta's actions.

V. Themes in JJK: Loneliness and Isolation

this one has, in my opinion, a bigger role in the story overall than just in this chapter.

as i mentioned before, gojo is lonely. the only person who could understand him was geto, and he turned away from him, and then died. he seems like a silly guy or whatever, but it's just a mask.

but geto also felt alone and isolated, and that's why he turned away. between gojo and geto, neither of them were able to put share the burden of carrying their strength alone, and it's what kept them apart and made their relationship so tragic.

arguably, and though he would never admit it, sukuna is also lonely, though it's buried deep within him and something he will likely never acknowledge, despite it, and his lack of understanding of love (arguably a symptom of his loneliness), are major reasons for the way he acts.

yuuta, though supported by maki, inumaki, and panda in a way that the previously mentioned characters are not, is still isolated. he alone carries the burden of his strength. he was also alone his whole life after rika died, and then again when he was shipped off to africa, away from his friends (yeah he had miguel, maybe i'm missing something, but i dont see them having that type of relationship.

not only that, but yuuta recognizes gojo's loneliness, and reaches out to tell him not to try to stand by himself once again, and gojo admits that's something he can't do, the reason being his relationship with geto.

even further, yuuji and megumi, the parallel to satosugu, are both deeply lonely, except for when they have each other. i mentioned in this analysis that the reason megumi can't just get up and keep going is because he's alone and has been for over a month. i want to get into this more in my next point.

VI. Where I think (hope) this leads for JJK

a satisfying ending for jjk, in my opinion, would be the resolution to this loneliness and burden of strength issue that has been present throughout the narrative. something like yuuji being able to save megumi and them being able to correct what went wrong with satosugu in their own relationship.

personally would like to see satosugu reach the ending they should have had through the itafushi parallels - let them save each other! but i do know gege said only one of them (the trio + gojo) will die, or only one will live....that was years ago maybe he changed his mind :D

we all want to see yuuji take down sukuna himself, but i think it would be a great resolution to see everyone take down sukuna as a team. no one person is alone, no one person has the burden of the strongest. i know i said this wasn't a "power of friendship" manga, and i stand by that, but i think this would be the perfect ending. yuuta throws his humanity away to do what he did in 261 because he felt like it was the only choice and it was something he alone could do, but yuuji represents unwavering humanity (literally his name), and i think to preserve that, they all need to share that burden. let them realize they need each other.

this is what gojo died for, and this is what he lived for. this is why he became a teacher in the first place- to raise a generation that can be strong together, that can support one another.

VII. "It's poorly written torture porn!" "There's no point if there's no happy ending!" etc

i said this in a separate post but tragedies have existed in literature since the 6th century BCE, 2600 years ago. many of the most popular stories throughout history have been tragedies, for example, orpheus & eurydice, romeo & juliet, even things like the fault in our stars and the titanic movie. here's a quick explanation of what it means for a story to be a tragedy (yeah it's from wikipedia but they want me to pay to access the original source and im not doing that for a jjk analysis)

one of things i like most about this definition is the use of the word "catharsis," which is to say that the expression of strong emotions is a way of bringing about renewal and relief. in literature, it's used to say that with the arousal and following release of negative emotions relieves suppressed emotions for the viewer. im not gonna get too personal with it, but i know i've experienced this with jjk.

additionally all of the aforementioned tragedies, they have a message, no matter how sad they are. orpheus & eurydice inspires perseverance and faith in the gods. even something like titanic has messages about everlasting love that overcomes all boundaries. jjk has its message too, and it's long underway. we just have to wait for it to reach its conclusion.

it's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture when we only get one chapter a week, and the fact that the pain is so dragged out is a bit tiring, i'll admit. but that doesn't mean it's bad. having negative emotions stirred by a story doesn't mean bad writing. i mean, i would hope you feel sad. i would hope you feel angry. i would be concerned if you didn't. but given that jjk is a tragedy, that just indicates good writing. especially these last two chapters, i've felt moved in a way nothing else has done for me in a long time.

as always, these are just my thoughts!!! im happy to hear from anyone what they think :D

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #sukuna #yuuta okkotsu #jjk leaks #jjk spoilers #jjk 261

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seiya-starsniper · 10 days ago

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Have been wildly oscillating between panic, anger, resentment, shitposting, and despair all day, as is my right as a citizen of the United States of Hell. I have bought much needed treats and I'm checking in on my friends in more precarious positions than myself and feeling angry all over again on their behalf. I am angry at the people who voted for trump, at the people who didn't vote at all because "both sides are bad" and angry at the world in general.

If you didn't vote for whatever reason, congrats, I hope you're pleased with yourself, good luck and let's never speak again. We're never seeing eye to eye on anything and that's fine, I can live with that. Obviously this only applies to US folk, but I'm not in the mood to argue about things with non US people either.

If you did vote and want to give up fighting to save yourself and your loved ones, do it. Living despite everything that's happened is resistance enough. You have fought long enough. You should not have been carrying this burden by yourself and if you are burned out to hell, protect yourself first. However you can, any way you can.

I don't know what it is I'm doing yet but I'm not giving up on doing good in any way I can, no matter how small. I am focusing on my loved ones first and foremost, and on surrounding myself with people who actually share the one core value of change and goodness still being possible, even if they don't share all my other views. I'm tired of the doomsdayers, tired of the defeatists and the pessimists who keep saying nothing is worth fighting for if the solution is not perfect in every way. I want change, I want goodness, and I'm not getting it from people who think I'm an idiot for not having perfect politics and saying the right buzzwords. Enough is enough.

Anyways, I'm tired and cranky but I will be fine. Check in on your trans friends, your disabled friends, your POC friends, and support them however you can. Prioritize your immediate needs above all else and tune out everything else.

#seiya talks #you know how laptops go into power saving mode and shut off non essential applications?#that's where we're at now

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iambicpentameterhamster · 6 months ago

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What i think of you based on your favourite Six of Crows character

Matthias Helvar:

You probably read a lot in the fantasy genre and take yourself too seriously (no offense) probably busy daydreaming about profound things and writing poems that you'll eventually delete. You love bleak and gritty stories and you listen to Coldplay, Conan Gray or The Tortured Poets Department. No shade though, you guys are probably great friends with value for loyalty. In summary, i think you're all either really intense and ernest or totally shy and quiet. You're probably heterosexual to be honest.

Nina Zenik:

I think people who's favourite is Nina don't tend to be much like her in real life, but are the type of people that would really want to befriend her. I'd say you're more introverted and quietly friendly, but then you act totally different and comfortable with the right friends. Technically disapproving of gossip, but turn into Regina George if the rumour is juicy enough- secretly judgemental but it all comes out to your best friends. You have a good sense of humour and probably quite a cynical/pessimist mindset overall. I know you like campy films like Legally Blonde and Clueless. Oh, and your favourite subject is definately history.

Inej Ghafta:

If you're drawn to the steady and honest beat of Inej's thoughts, I think you're quite an anxious or scattered person who enjoys how safe and comforting she feels as a character. I'd say you're a sensitive person with a keen eye for colour and art. Your favourite chapters in SOC are definately the backstory and romance chapters. You cry often at films and music and just when you feel bittersweet or happy. You have Hozier, Mitski or Radiohead on your playlists. You're either artsy smart or english smart, there's no way your a science/maths kinda person.

Wylan Van Eck:

This one is split. You're either one of those people that infantalises and simplifies his character and reduces both him and Jesper to their ship and nothing else, OR you're literally the best person ever. If you're the latter, you're probably super empathetic and appreciate depth as well as a good laugh, and i severley doubt you yourself enjoy maths and chemistry despite loving that look for Wylan. I've also never met a Wylan stan who wasn't a HARDCORE fan of SOC in general. You guys are the loudest complainers about Shadow and Bone being cancelled, and honestly, power to you. I bet your room is a bombsite right now too- pick up those dirty clothes, for christ sake.

Kaz Brekker:

All Kaz Brekker fans are somewhat infatuated with him. Your favourite chapters/scenes are absolutely the action and sexual tension scenes. All about high stakes and excitement, and you love to be surprised. That or you have a big thing for the bad boy trope. I think you have "dark achademia" or grunge-ey pinterest boards that don't match your real life style. I also think you think chess and piano are really sexy but play neither yourself. You and your friends probably read terrible Wattpad stories for a joke. Generally, you're somehow relaxed and simultaneously intense as fuck. 70% of you are Queer women/ nb people, other 30% are intensely heterosexual.

Jesper Fahey:

You have Queen on your playlist. Queen or Gorillaz. You're probably a quite casual person who is taken with Jesper's charm and humour, and you appreciate the comedic relief as you don't enjoy too much grit and heavy stuff with no humour breaks. But despite being not the most sensitive person in the world, Jesper's backstory caught you off guard and it HURT. I think you love comedies and action, you're decent at school and you're quite popular with a good circle of friends. A social person. Potential theatre kid, but minor roles/tech, and the only musical you really like is Hamilton lmao. You are generally a funny person, but you've definately experienced that moment where you tell a joke and nobody laughs.

Anybody else:

Non-existent.

OH AND ALSO, KAZ AND WYLAN FANS ARE THE ONES WHO WRITE ALL OF THE FANFICTION

#six of crows #grishaverse #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #wylan hendriks #wylan van eck #nina zenik #matthias helvar #inej ghafa

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pleaseeeimjustagirl · 11 months ago

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Shifting Your Mindset From Scarcity To Abundance

Your mindset can be the reason you're not reaching your goals or living the life you want. Philosophers say the way that you think is exactly the way you will live. A lot of people live with a scarcity mindset believing the things they want are unattainable and out of reach. And if you struggle with this way of thinking it's time to shift your mindset to an abundance mindset. Your goals are achievable and the life you want is achievable.

What is a scarcity mindset?

A scarcity mindset is an outlook on life that focuses on the lack of resources it's like putting blinders on limiting what you notice that can benefit you in the world. For example, you don't think there are any more good men in the world so you settle for a guy who doesn't meet your standards. Another example is wanting to start a business and assuming you won't be successful because there are others in the same niche as you. Even comparing your beauty to the next woman. Living in this cycle can create a lot of anxiety, anger, and resentment towards others and their achievements.

Signs you have a scarcity mindset

♡ Perfectionism. You assume that anything less than perfect isn't good enough. This will only lead to procrastination and fear of risk-taking and the cycle will continue.

♡ You hate to see others succeed. Instead of celebrating the accomplishments of others you feel threatened by them. Thinking that their success takes away your chances of being successful or that they are outshining you. You feel that for your situation to get better others must fail so you can win.

♡ Competing with others. You might compare yourself to others and that can lead to competing and trying to outdo the next person. Some people will be in hard financial times and instead of being financially responsible, they will try to keep up with the Jones buying designer and so many other items that don't benefit them at that time.

♡ You blame others for your problems. We all know someone who didn't put in the effort to do something and when asked what happened they blame the world, economy, or anything unrelated to why they didn't achieve their goal. They lack accountability for their actions leading to their failures.

♡Being pessimistic. We will all have bad days and see things negatively we are human but always being pessimistic about all the things in your life is a terrible way to live.

♡ Negative self-talk. You find yourself saying “I can't do that”, “this will never happen to me”, or “This isn't realistic for someone like me.” Your mind believes only what you feed it and if you feed your mind sentences like these you will always live with a scarcity mindset.

If you resonate with any of these signs now its time to change babes<3

What is an abundance mindset?

An abundance mindset is believing that the world is filled with enough resources and time for you to accomplish any goals you have. You optimistically see life and don't hold on to negativity. You let go and let things be. You trust yourself and pour into yourself and the world around you. Seeing the glass as half full.

Signs you have an abundance mindset

♡ You are an optimist. Like I said above you tend to the glass as half full. Negative things may happen to you but instead of thinking why me? You think what can I learn from this experience?

♡ High level of self-awareness. You're able to have a balanced self-image and can recognize the negative traits that you need to fix. You praise and optimize your positive traits.

♡ Being present. You focus on the now you don't get caught up in the past on what could have been or stress yourself on the future on what could be. You focus on the things you can control.

♡ You celebrate people. You want to see others achieve their goals even if they are similar to your own. You think there is enough room for everyone to be successful and happy.

♡ You are open to change. You believe the sky is the limit! And there is always room for new hobbies, careers, and so on. You take advantage of new opportunities that come your way.

♡ Generosity. You don't mind giving your time, money, and resources to others because you believe that these things are endless and always flowing into your life.

♡ Personal development. Instead of focusing on the shortcomings of others you focus on your personal growth and work on becoming the best version of yourself.

How do you cultivate an abundance mindset?

♡ Gratitude journaling. Make time during your day to journal the stuff that you are grateful for. Reflect on the small things in your life that bring you happiness, peace, and hope. Gratitude journaling can help improve your mental health, increase self-esteem, and reduce stress.

♡ Practice being mindful. Practice awareness in the present moment through breath work, sensory activation, and meditation

♡ Positive affirmations. Start speaking positively to yourself and focus on showing love to the things you can’t change about yourself and the things you love about yourself. Making positive statements combat limiting beliefs. This will increase your self-esteem.

♡ Surround yourself with people who have an abundance mindset. We don't realize but the people around us do slowly have an impact on us. Make friends with people who have an abundance mindset instead of those who think negatively with a scarcity mindset.

Going into 2024 we need to kick these scarcity mindsets and sit with abundance affirming that we can achieve our goals. If you have any other tips you’d like to share please comment below and share them with our other girliesss<3

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akutasoda · 1 year ago

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hii!! It’s me!!! I just witnessed a bird get stuck in a glass cage with an opening..walk out..then walk back in- 😭

anyway! Reader who is literally the most pessimistic (idk if that’s the right word-) person ever and is like ‘ew. Love. No thanks.’ But then will stare at Bsd men with the biggest heart eyes? And if they get caught their just like..‘I got distracted’ with the most longing voice ever?

-🌀Anon !!

you're seeing things!

synopsis - you always thought love was overrated but now you think you're just in denial

includes - dazai, akutagawa, nikolai, ayatsuji

warnings - gn!reader, fluff, pining, unresolved feelings, wc - 819

a/n: hiii anon hope your well!

osamu dazai ★↷

↪ you and dazai were quite the opposite people. for know personality's atleast. he often spent time flirting with women and the idea of love repulsed you. but despite that you got along very well.

↪it actually lead to dazai occasionally teasing you about your dramatic adversions to love but with some deep rooted curiosity about why the idea sounded so bad to you. perhaps something to do with not feeling worthy or simply not seeking that relationship with someone.

↪and yet it still came as a shock to you when you would catch yourself zoning out while looking at dazai with the biggest lovestruck smile on your face. you would shake yourself out of your trance to continue doing whatever while thinking what had gotten over you.

↪but you found yourself doing it more often much to your dismay and shock. which eventually lead to dazai catching you , he let it slip a few times figuring you were just thinking about something and completely blanked the real world. but after a few times he eventually asked you about what you were doing just to be caught of guard when you sighed and said that you had gotten distracted with the most longing voice he had ever heard.

↪oh boy he couldn't wait to tease you about this when you eventually found yourself figuring out what had gotten over you and realising what this meant.

ryunosuke akutagawa ★↷

↪quite the surprise came when it was discovered that you and akutagawa had built quite the close bond. but there was something about you two that just naturally drew you together.

↪perhaps it was like seeing the same attitude in different fonts. he had a hatred for a few things and quite the angry temper and you had a hatred for the idea of falling in love. but either way you both seemed to click and one time he admitted that you weren't that bad to be around.

↪however the idea of love that repulsed you deeply seemed to be creeping up on you. sometimes your gaze would drift to him whenever he was around or you simply would stare at him with awe struck eyes that felt like if they were in a cartoon hearts would be flying off them.

↪every time you caught yourself doing this you couldn't help but quickly snap out of it trying to figure out what was happening. and akutagawa became quite aware of your gaze often seeing you out of the corner of his eye staring at him. now he was quite blunt so everytime he asked you what was wrong, and every time was met with the same answer of you got distracted.

↪was it just him or did every time you say that siund more longing than the last? unfortunately neither of you seemed to bs good at figuring out feelings, but one of you better soon or someone else would intervene.

nikolai gogol ★↷

↪hanging around nikolai was always a wild ride. and to be frank, you always seemed to make his behaviour worse. you were quite the duo it has to be said. and he found your attitude toward love quite interesting and found your reactions to the subject entertaining.

↪often would tease you about if when you two were out and about and he saw some random couple. sometimes you did want to punch him.

↪but after hanging around the clown for so long and forming quite the close bond, eventually started catching yourself staring longing at him. the idea seemed outlandish at first, surely it was just unlucky that every time you zone out it's staring at him (and thinking of him).

↪he had caught you multiple times and had teased you about it each time but didn't miss the hints of longing in your voice. and the heartfilled look that he would catch upon your face.

↪how interesting to him that this whole persona was quite the two edged sword.

yukito ayatsuji ★↷

↪being a coworker a personal close friend of tsujimura, often meant you would accomplany her in her monitoring of ayatsuji. that was until you realised that the two of you had quite similar interests and naturally got along.

↪so you simply had became a genuine friend of his, much to tsujimura's shock. he found your little persona of finding love disgusting quite entertaining whenever the subject was brought up and he couldn't help but want to try and understand it from your perspective. and he could see it.

↪however whenever you two hung around each other he would sometimes catch you staring at him with, quite frankly, the biggest heart eyes he could ever imagine. now, he let it slip a few times before asking you about it.

↪you answer came short and sweet, that you were distracted. he could tell that there was something going on but he respected how you would handle it and never pryed any further.

#x gender neutral reader #x reader #bsd x reader #bsd x gender neutral reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x you #bsd dazai #bsd dazai osamu #dazai x reader #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa x reader #bsd nikolai #nikolai x reader #bsd ayatsuji #yukito ayatsuji x reader #🌀 anon↩

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depravitycentral · 1 year ago

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Yandere Machi Komacine General Profile

Yandere! Machi Komacine x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, stalking, violence, decapitation, murder, slight infantilization/Machi thinks you're incapable but it's more frustrating than creepy, Machi has some emotional issues processing and she can't regulate her feelings well, mentions of assault, mentions of non-con, Chrollo plays a major role in your kidnapping because he's a nasty man, threats, explicit depictions of torture, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

WC: 10K

Shy

In general, Machi likes the idea of being a protector.

There’s something endearing about the idea of having a sweet little thing to call her own and to keep hers, and having a darling who isn’t as prone to interacting with others is ideal for her. It helps quell her possessiveness, acting as an additional comfort to know that they don’t willingly start interactions with most people.

Plus, this is helpful for her, specifically, because it means that her darling won’t be constantly trying to talk to her.

It’s not that Machi doesn’t want to speak with them – she does, desperately – but rather that it’s so difficult for her to be vulnerable that a darling that isn’t excessively talkative to strangers helps bar her from saying something embarrassing or weird or scary.

It helps calm her nerves, knowing that her darling is more withdrawn and struggles to effectively communicate with strangers, and in a lot of ways it makes Machi’s heart warm.

Because in some ways, they’re similar – Machi isn’t shy, per se, but she’s not the most talkative, and a darling who shares this trait is adorable to her, someone she wants to wrap up in her arms and keep protected from the world.

(And keep the world from seeing them, of course, but that doesn’t sound quite as poetic or romantic.)

She just likes the idea of a shier darling, not only because their easily flustered state in social situations is endearing, but also because it makes her job much, much easier.

Optimistic

In a lot of ways, Machi wants someone who is the opposite of her.

She needs someone who is soft, warm, fuzzy, and – above all else – not nearly as pessimistic as her.

Machi has good reason to be so negative – a tumultuous childhood coupled with a life of crime hardens a person and makes them expect the worst case scenario, but even she can admit that there’s something endearing about a darling who sees the world with rose colored glasses.

It’s refreshing, something she’s utterly unfamiliar with given her lifestyle and companions, but it’s sweet in a way.

Perhaps a bit naïve of them – something that makes Machi silently scold them for – but cute nonetheless.

It’s like her darling is a ray of sunshine, one she desperately needs to keep her from falling into a void of negative thoughts, death, and theft.

And really, it’s this trait above all else that prompts her infatuation to form – her darling is just so damn positive, always trying to make the best of situations, even to a degree of irritation.

It makes Machi want to throttle them, anger growing in her veins because they need to be more realistic about others’ intentions, if only for their own safety.

But it also makes her want to envelope them in the tightest hug, keeping them firmly against her chest and hearing their soft breaths and warm voice, her skin prickling pleasantly because it feels so good to have someone so happy in her arms.

It makes her happy, too – no easy feat.

Homebody

Similarly to her ideal darling being shy, Machi really likes the idea of a darling who isn’t constantly out on the town.

She has no inherent issues with women who like to club or party or even frequently go out for a meal or drinks with friends, but for her darling, a homebody is preferable.

It’s simply a matter of Machi feeling confident that her darling is being safe – if they’re at home, the chances of them being assaulted or killed or mugged is significantly lower, and it helps quell the constant paranoia that eats at her regarding her darling’s wellbeing.

It means they’ll probably be wrapped up in a warm blanket with their phone perched in their hands, or the TV on, or a good book holding their attention rather than meeting someone, potentially speaking with them, dancing with them, or – god forbid – touching them.

(It hurts her deeply to imagine someone touching her darling, of course, but there’s something worse about the idea of her darling touching someone else – a sense of foreboding and anger over their safety, of course, but also a sense of rejection, a feeling of deep-seated and buried insecurity washing over her.)

And this just makes life easier once she eventually steals them away; it’s much easier to mitigate any sort of escape attempt or desire to return to the outside world if her darling is naturally not especially eager to be in crowded spaces.

Besides, Machi doesn’t mind the idea of spending time at home with them – give her time, but eventually she’ll be more than happy to sit beside them on the couch, a few inches of space between her body and her darling’s, enjoying the quiet atmosphere and the feeling of simply being together.

It’s cheesy and cliché and she knows it, but she doesn’t care – her darling turns her into a sap anyways, so what’s another addition to that sentiment?

Capable

Of course, as Machi’s darling, you’d never, ever have to worry about any sort of personal care.

She’ll do absolutely everything for her beloved; she’s already got their favorite foods stocked in the cabinets (but only the healthier ones – her darling can’t be having too much sugar or salt, no matter how much they like it), enough menstrual supplies to last the rest of her darling’s life, and more blankets and fans than imaginable to keep her darling at a comfortable temperature and not overheat or freeze.

She likes the idea of taking care of her darling, and while they’ll never be able to escape this aspect of being the object of her affections, Machi does like the idea that her darling is somewhat able to take care of themselves.

She likes the idea that they aren’t utterly incapable, that they’re able to do the bare minimum to make sure they stay healthy and in reasonably good physical health, with minimal scratches and injuries marring their pretty skin.

It calms her slightly when she’s still initially just stalking them, her worries and anxieties calming slightly every time she sees them drinking water or stepping into the shower.

It just makes her feel good, and while she’ll still oversee all their care once they’re under her captivity, it almost makes a small swell of pride bloom in her chest because yes, they know how to take care of themselves, and yes, that’s wildly attractive to her.

A capable darling is her ideal – and likely a major part of what attracts her to her darling in the first place.

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Distant

In general, Machi has an incredibly difficult time being vulnerable.

She’s grown up under the impression that to show any sort of love or softness is a weakness, something that can be exploited and will ultimately be her downfall. It’s led to her being closed off, holding her emotions so close to her chest that sometimes she doesn’t even realize what she’s feeling, becoming so blinded by the need to hide her emotions that they almost disappear.

And where romance is concerned is certainly no different – though, there’s certainly no way to mistake or miss the emotions you spark within her, coming up and rising up the back of her throat and demanding her attention all the fucking time.

She’s completely floored by how intensely you make her feel, how fast her heart races around you, how her palms grow sweaty and her nen spikes ever so slightly in your presence, and to be honest Machi hates it at first. She hates how weak you make her feel, how her every sense is heightened the second you walk into a room, and while she knows it’s stupid to blame you for the way her body just seems to react to you, she can’t help it.

She’s never been the best at displaying emotion or really even reconciling how she feels at any given moment, and for a long time she pushes off her feelings for you, playing them off as nothing more than a passing interest, a few ‘she’s cute and that’s it’s being pounded into her mind.

(All the while she tries to ignore the way she wants nothing more than to make you laugh and smile, to see your eyes light up and hear that lovely chiming voice you have directed solely at her.)

(The whole time she’s trying to pretend like her eyes don’t automatically wander to you, focusing in on your hair, face, figure, and oh, when you wear that certain top with the low neckline… It’s embarrassing how strongly such a simple article of clothing can affect her, and it’ll often make her huff and desperately try to stop staring, glaring at anyone nearby just as a distraction from her racing heart and pink cheeks.)

And even once she eventually realizes that repressing those urges and emotions for you only make them stronger, she does no better at letting herself really succumb to them – she’s fighting tooth and nail, terrified of the way you make her feel, of the depth and intensity of the feelings that you give her without you even trying.

She’s honestly afraid of herself in moments where her desire for you grows stronger – every part of herself seems foreign once you step into the picture, even her most basic emotional responses to things like blankets (would you like this blanket? It’s soft, and she knows you like the color – you’d look stupid all wrapped up in it, though. Stupid. Cute. But stupid.), or even frying pans (would you let her cook for you? She’s decently talented in the kitchen, and while she’d be too embaressed to watch you eat something she herself made you, the pride that would swell in her chest makes looking at the nice, black, shiny frying pan in the store a little flustering.)

She’s afraid of her urges to care for you and protect you because you’re so fucking weak compared to her. She’s never been this nice before, this caring or genuinely invested in the wellbeing of someone outside of possibly Chrollo or a few other members of the Troupe, and the realization that hits her late one night as she’s staring aimlessly up at the ceiling (her mind running in circles around you as it so often does) startled her to her very core.

You bring out the side of Machi that she’d buried down so many years ago, that was only alive when she was very young, stupidly foolish and naively willing to hope against hope that someday she’d find someone to love, someone to be happy with and live a full, perfect life.

You make a piece of her that’s long been lost return, and once she understands that she has to face this new part of her head on, that she can’t keep turning a blind eye because it’s literally killing her to not give into the urges and feelings this new part of her is impressing, Machi is pulling back even further, trying to wade through the thick waters of her own feelings and wants.

And poor, poor you will be left to wonder why she always seems so angry, why she always seems to be glaring at you, one step away from killing you. She must hate you, you rationalize, and when you begin trying to act more colloquial and not as friendly or sweet as before, it’ll only further Machi’s confusion and the swirling of emotions brewing inside her.

It will only further her internal battle about whether it’s okay to let herself be vulnerable (as long as it’s for you, there’s a large part of Machi that thinks she could be anything and everything so long as it makes you happy), or only further her distant behavior.

It’s a miscommunication that Machi isn’t sure how to fix, and while she’ll eventually grow warmer towards you, let herself get more and more vulnerable around you, it’s a slow process – one that can only happen in the context of her being around you constantly, something that sounds simultaneously terrifying and wonderful beyond belief.

Selfless

Despite her internal wavering on whether it’s really okay to embrace the sick dependency she’s developed on you and against everything she’s ever tried to be, there is one thing that Machi is absolutely sure about.

That is, she will be making sure that you live the easiest life you possibly can.

She genuinely cares about you, and Machi is fiercely protective of the very few that she holds near and dear to her heart – and you, being the one who very much holds her heart, become the apple of her eye, her main focus in her day-to-day life outside of Troupe work.

She knows that as a member of the Troupe, she’s putting you in danger simply by existing in your presence, and with her feelings towards you being so strong, so painfully obvious?

Well, it’s a worry constantly eating at the back of her mind that someday you’ll be used against her, that you’ll be leverage or that someone will hurt you (or, god forbid kill you) just to get back at her and the rest of the organization.

There’s a constant sense of paranoia Machi feels when she thinks about all of the horrible, unforgiveable acts she’s committed, because while her conscience doesn’t harbor any guilt, she does harbor guilt towards you, because she’s now made you a target. She’s effectively placed a bulls eye on your back, and while it may be difficult for everyday strangers to tell that Machi harbors feelings for you, those committed to the downfall of the organization will be able to tell.

(Her longing looks and the way her nen gets a bit unpredictable around you are dead giveaways – you don’t notice, bless sweet little you, but the Hunter that’s been trailing the Troupe’s activities for the last few months will. And despite all the moral high ground the Hunters seem to tout about having, Machi knows for a fact that your death would be a welcome sacrifice in order to hurt the Spider.)

She’s painfully aware of all your flaws in terms of defending yourself in the position she’s placed you in, and the thought honest to god terrifies Machi. The guilt at knowing you’re constantly in danger because of her is almost too much to bear, and the only way she can help alleviate some of it is by becoming your guardian angel of sorts.

(It’s ironic, truly, and it’s something that she would rather die than admit, but despite her criminal status she’s actually a good force for you – at least, she hopes so.)

She does a lot for you behind your back.

Some are large favors, things that take up a decent amount of her time and effort, but she doesn’t mind because it’s for you.

(That group of men who’d been eyeing you up on your walk home from the subway station? Well, they aren’t exactly smart, are they, when they so blindly and naively follow Machi into a dark alleyway, their leering gazes and hands poised to grope making their deaths a much slower and more painful process than she’d normally bother with. After all, she knows exactly what they were planning on doing; the crude whistling and licking of their lips not hiding their intentions especially well. And although she’d never touch you without your eager consent – and perhaps not even then – she’s well aware of their intentions because she wants to touch you and fuck that cute cunt of yours, too.)

Some are smaller favors, things that aren’t too big of a deal but make Machi feel better about endangering your life, because at least she’s trying to better it, too.

(It takes hardly any time or effort at all to slip a vitamin or two into your drinks or food, just because she’s noticed you’ve looked a bit more tired these last few days, that there’s bags starting to form under your eyes, and how could she possibly live with herself if you were being neglected under her care? Besides, she knows you wouldn’t go out and buy these things for yourself – or at least not with the consistency you really should have.)

You likely won’t notice anything at first – Machi is a part of the Troupe for a reason, and though she doesn’t possess Shizuku’s abilities, she’s most definitely able to not leave a trace. So by the time you start noticing how there seems to be a steady supply of vegetables in your refrigerator that you don’t remember buying (only your favorites, of course), or when your bottles of shampoo and conditioner never seem to run out, Machi will have already been at her job of making sure that you’re well taken care of for months.

She doesn’t particularly want you to know that she’s the one so diligently taking care of you, if only because she’s still so afraid of the intensity of her feelings for you, and she’s scared that if you were to know how deeply she feels for you, how much she absolutely fucking loves you, you would run for it and never step foot in her life again.

You would reject her, something that she’s never had to face in her life, and something she hopes she never will have to – especially not from you.

She doesn’t want you to have any inkling for the way that she feels for you, at least rationally.

(Internally, however, she can’t deny how wonderful it would be to have you safe and sound in a shared home with her, protected and well fed, happy and comfortable and being oh so cute while you greet her at the door, welcoming her home from work and telling her how much you love her… It’s a guilty pleasure thought, one that often hits her as she goes about getting her hands dirty all for you, and as she stares at the lifeless corpse of the man who’d made a joke that he’d ‘hit that’ in regards to you to his friends, she can’t help but smile a bit.)

You make her happy – nervous, yes, and paranoid, true, but also this warm, burrowing feeling she knows is happiness. It’s a foreign thing that she isn’t completely sure she’ll ever get used to, but fuck it all if she doesn’t want to try.

So really, isn’t it only fair that she gives you something in return for everything you give her, even if you don’t know it?

Possessive

Despite the cloudiness that rests in Machi’s mind about how exactly she feels about you, one thing she is sure about is the anger that flares up in her chest when she thinks of another person interacting with you.

There’s something about the idea that makes her jaw get tight, her teeth pushing tightly together and her shoulders getting stiff because you should not be speaking with someone else.

She loves you in her own twisted, obsessive way, but in many ways Machi finds you irritating. You’re weak, you’re naïve, and god, how can you take your own safety and health so casually?

You’re incapable, if she’s being honest, because you’re simply unaware of how truly cruel the world can be. You live in your own glass cage, under the false assumption that the glass will never crack or splinter, that nothing will ever hurt you or affect you in a negative way – and while Machi takes as many precautions to keep this fantasy alive, it doesn’t negate the fact that you’re wrong.

You think you’re safe, sure, but you really need her, don’t you? If it wasn’t for her, you’d probably be dead by now, either by some wayward criminal, a magical beast, a Hunter, an accident, a stranger with nefarious intentions, or your own stupidity.

It’s cynical and mean and frankly not true, but Machi firmly believes that the only thing standing between you and certain death is herself. And while she still doesn’t want you to be aware that she’s the one protecting you and keeping you safe and healthy, she does start to grow a bit antsy when other people enter the picture.

In her perfect world, she would simply be caring for you and taking care of you from the shadows for the rest of your lives – your silent savior, content with the knowledge that you need her, and being needed is enough for her. At least, she thinks so.

But the world isn’t perfect, and you aren’t aware of her feelings – so of course, there are people who try to take advantage of your kindness, of your beauty and charity and naivety.

And when this happens, Machi finds herself very, very upset. Jealousy roils deep within her, making her fists clench and her eye twitch and narrow. It makes her nen spike and her aura become oppressive, her rage struggling to stay under control when she sees anyone looking at you, speaking with you, or just being near you.

It’s about your safety, more than anything – she does genuinely fear that every person you interact with has bad intentions towards you, and that in itself is neither particular delusional nor particularly surprising. Surely some of them want something more than just a polite greeting from you – hell, Machi’s been pursued by more men than she can count that most definitely wanted more and weren’t afraid to force what they wanted.

But can Machi really be blamed for being possessive over you? She’s grown up with absolutely nothing to her name – scavenging for food, living in dismal conditions, dealing with very real adult issues, and surviving against terrible odds. She’s turned towards the path of power and materialistic gain, and while she doesn’t explicitly see herself as owning you, there’s a certain allure to the idea of calling you hers.

You’re her partner – her woman, hers to care for, hers to love, hers hers hers.

And so yes, it’s about your safety, and yes, it’s understandable why she would grow attached to you in response to her origins, but there’s also a small part of her that grows horribly jealous every time someone interacts with you because it’s them, not her.

How come they have the confidence to speak with you, but she doesn’t?

(Of course, she’s interacted with you a few times before – back when her obsession had taken root, the very interactions that led her to her current state – but it’s different when it’s purposeful interaction, when she’s looking at you and your attention is on her. Why is it so hard to speak to you? Why do you make her so nervous, her fingers not visibly shaking but still having the same affect? Why do her words always sound harsh, demanding, blunt when she’s speaking with you, not a hint of the warmth or longing she feels for you? Why do you always seem to jump a bit and sheepishly nod at her commands, looking terrified and anxious and scared? Why can’t she just talk to you like normal, dammit?

How come they can so casually get you to laugh, but she can’t?

(She’s never been funny, even when she’s not feeling like her tongue is swelled up and her heart is on fire. She tries so hard to keep her cool around you and not give away anything about how she’s feeling for you, and that doesn’t exactly translate into being funny. And yet, she does find herself wishing that she’d thought of the joke the stranger on the bus had told you about the weather this morning, because while it was stupid and you’d only laughed a polite amount, why won’t you do that for her?)

How come they can so easily and organically reach out to brush your cheek or tap your arm, but she can’t?

(She’s petrified of touching you, despite wanting to so badly, and the most you’ll get from her for a long, long time is just quick, phantom touches of her fingers against your clothed back when you’re busy doing something, her skin barely even brushing the fabric of your shirt. It’s just too hard, too scary to let herself be in a position where you could reject something as intimate and loving as a touch – it leaves her too vulnerable, so what does she do? Repress it.)

It's a certain amount of insecurity that fuels her possessiveness, which simultaneously frustrates and scares her. She’s never been unconfident – she can kill dozens of fully grown men in mere seconds, can heal impossible wounds, and is an integral member of an elite criminal organization.

But you – you make her insecure. And it’s stupid and makes her scoff and cross her arms, but she can’t deny it. Despite her numerous, numerous attempts.

So really, Machi’s possessiveness is not to be overlooked – whether it’s paranoia, greed, or insecurity fueling it, it can have disastrous consequences. She will kill those she feels threatened by, and she does not care if that person holds value to you.

She’s your guardian angel, sure, but some angels fall – whether from heaven or for you is arbitrary.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Her jealousy is nothing to sneeze at, despite the fact that she isn’t as obvious and in your face as some of her fellow Troupemates.

She won’t yell and punch like Phinks, nor will she threaten and coddle like Nobunaga. Rather, she’ll let her jealousy simmer, slowly growing stronger and stronger, making her feel hotter and hotter until she explodes, unable to take another second of you being looked at by another person.

And so while Machi generally is of the mindset of ‘if it doesn’t involve me, then I don’t care’, where you’re concerned her entire philosophy is uprooted, if only because she absolutely believes that everything involving you involves her as well.

It’s her duty as your protector, as your loving partner – even if you aren’t aware – and she intends to hold up her end of the deal, to make sure that no one and nothing can ever touch you or harm you.

And so, she takes every precaution she can to make sure that no one ever gets to chance to spark her jealousy.

She watches each and every interaction of yours that she possibly can, often trailing behind you with those sharp eyes alternating between staring at you and sizing up all the people around you to catch anyone in their tracks who may cause problems.

(Shalnark had been quite generous in giving Machi a specially designed tracker just for you, already calibrated to your minimal nen aura so that it would stay true to you no matter where you went. She’d been grateful, though the blond hadn’t let her get away without a bit of teasing about how oooh, you’ve got a crush, don’t you Machi! She’s embarrassed to admit that she very faintly blushed at his words, swatting him down with a roll of her eyes and hissed fuck off, but the excitement of having a way to know where you are at all times even during Troupe work outweighed the irritation coursing through her veins).

She’s using her nen threads to keep your clothing in place while you’re out and about – making sure your skirt stays put or your top stays up, anything and everything to make sure that not a sliver of skin is shown to the prying eyes of those around you.

(Of course, a small part of her wishes your skirt would flip just a bit or the top of your areola would be just barely visible, if only for her viewing pleasure, but it’s more important that the men you walk by on the street don’t see anything. Much more important.)

She just feels responsible to make sure that you don’t have any negative contact with anyone (though ideally there’d be no contact of any kind, including positive), and she takes her duties very seriously, even going so far as to spend nearly every waking moment she has outside of Troupe work a good ten feet behind you, her eyes fixed on you like prey.

And after all, isn’t that a little representative of your relationship? You, the naïve, cute little thing being stalked and followed and wanted by something bigger, stronger, more dangerous and much, much more adept at simply taking what they want.

When she spots the man chatting you up in the local park you’d been walking through as a means to clear your head, immediately her nen is spiking up, her eyes narrowing as she stays hidden behind a nearby tree and watches the two of you speak.

He’s nothing special by any counts – generic, a simple pair of shorts and a t-shirt appropriate for the hot summer weather. His face is fine, all things considered, but there’s nothing particularly special about him – you wouldn’t look twice, she’s sure.

Except, you must have looked twice, because he’s standing in front of you, that irritating, ugly smile plastered on his face that makes her own lips tug into a deep frown, her teeth clenched tightly together.

And on top of that, you don’t seem to be mad at all. In fact, she can see the smile on your own face – much, much prettier, endearing, beautiful, something that momentarily traps her focus.

She’s not sure why you’re acting so happy – what could possibly be that funny about the terrible jokes this stranger is telling you?

What could this boring, useless waste of space be to you that makes you grin like you’re the happiest woman on Earth?

(Why didn’t you look like that when she first randomly met you on the street? Was this man better?)

Machi doesn’t get it, but she knows that it’s making her more than a little upset - more than a little pissed, really, as the man takes a small step forward, beginning to close the space between the two of you.

Her eye twitches as she watches you make no move to step back, and though her heart sinks like a stone when she realizes that maybe you want him to be that close to you, she briefly shakes her head, pink hair whipping her in the face as she wills herself to concentrate, to have enough patience to wait until you’re done talking to do what her fingers are aching for.

It’s torture, simply watching this interaction play out, her whole body begging for her to move and every muscle tensing in anticipation of physically breaking up your conversation, but she wills herself to stay put, closing her eyes and taking a few deep, unsteady breaths through her nose.

Fantasies and thoughts of how she could end the man’s life flash through her mind, helping kill a bit of time.

And the second that you walk off, throwing a small smile the man’s way along with a shy little wave that Machi would give fucking anything to be aimed at her, she’s making her move.

The man smirks and tucks his hands into his pocket, looking thoroughly pleased with himself as Machi murmurs curses under her breath, promises of death and words of hate tumbling past her lips as she tracks the man down past a bundle of trees on the opposite side of the park, well hidden from the view of the other patrons and – most importantly – yourself.

Once the man steps into the little forest and leans against a tree, she’s springing into action, her movements so quick that even she herself is shocked.

She charges at the man and has him tied up in less than three seconds flat, her hand placed firmly over the man’s mouth with a glare harsh enough to paralyze directed right into his brown eyes. Her aura’s crushing, the man’s body physically pushed against the tree hard enough to leave a slight dent in the bark.

His whimpers of pain make something in her gut twist pleasantly.

You’re disgusting, she growls, threads tightening more and more as she lets her anger begin to consume her.

Flashes of the way you’d smiled and laughed at the man come rushing through her mind, fueling the rage and hurt simmering in her chest.

Disgusting, worthless, don’t you know that some girls don’t want you? Couldn’t you see that she’s too fucking perfect for someone like you?

She knows she’s probably talking more than she should, more than this man deserves, but there’s something about the look of pure terror in the man’s eyes and the way he struggles against her threads that makes the blood rush to her head.

When he doesn’t respond, only wiggling harder and harder, Machi only clicks her tongue and, with a flick of her wrist, tightens the thread around the man’s neck enough that it slices it clean off.

The dull thump of his head landing on the ground next to her has her wiping her hands against her tunic in irritation, a small amount of his blood having sprayed onto her pale fingers, but she can’t deny the satisfaction of seeing the man who was so openly flirting with you dead and bloody now – just as he should be, for ever thinking he’d have a chance at getting at you while Machi’s around.

She gives a firm kick to the man’s groin, now slumped down onto the ground alongside the rest of his decapitated body, before spitting onto it.

And so, after shooting a quick text to Shizuku to ask her to come clean up a body (Shizuku’s response of why would I do that? had the pink haired girl rolling her eyes), Machi makes quick work of locating you via the tracker, making sure to follow you home and ensure that no other creeps try anything with you, lest they meet the fate of Machi and Blinky.

Chrollo can scold her all he wants for the body she leaves behind – it’s worth it, the satisfaction simmering in her veins making her feet carry herself faster and faster, the tracker slowly beeping faster as she gets closer to you.

TAKING HER DARLING AWAY:

In most regards, Machi values the idea of you being your own, semi-independent person.

She does a whole hell of a lot for you in the shadows, but she isn’t particularly fixated on stealing you away or kidnapping you. Part of the reason why she fell for you in the first place was because of who you are, and there’s a worry eating at the back of her mind that if she were to force you into a relationship or take you away from your life, you would no longer be the person she’s come to love, the person she’s come to live solely for.

It’s scary, the concept that you could just be gone, that her selfishness could be the reason why the glimmer in your eyes fades, or why you no longer smile and laugh so hard you snort a bit.

So while the idea of stealing you away and making sure that you’re constantly protected, safe from the outside world and the horrible people inhabiting it (people like her and the Troupe, she’ll admit) is appealing, she won’t ever make a move to imprison you with her unless an outside force comes into play.

She’s just too nervous and hesitant, because although what she currently has now with you isn’t ideal (the fact that you aren’t under her constant supervision or just within reach to touch – if she ever got brave enough to do so, that is – is certainly not her dream), it’d be even less ideal to have you a shell of your former self.

And those outside forces rally could be just about anything – if it threatens you in some way, she’ll begrudgingly decide that stealing you away is the only possible option.

For example, if someone were to figure out her connection to you; she’s worked tirelessly to make sure that any trace of her obsession with her and her feelings is invisible, to the point where not even anyone in the Troupe is aware of your identity.

(Some, like Shizuku and Shalnark, are aware that there’s someone that’s got Machi all up in knots, that she’s willing killing for and wants to keep constant surveillance on. Otherwise, Machi wouldn’t have just asked Shalnark about the best quality cameras that can be easily concealed available on the market – and she’d been blushing, even, a very light pink on her cheeks that made him stare for a moment, gaping like a fish because who the hell could you possibly be to affect Machi so much? Shizuku, for her part, just knows there’s something a little different about her fellow member – Machi’s smiling more, and while Shizuku is forgetful, she remembers the little things about her friend – and when she’d brought it up Machi, she’d only huffed and firmly told Shizuku to be quiet, her voice still snippy but just slightly wobbling.)

There’s a few cracks in her careful hiding of you, but for the most part Machi is frighteningly good at making sure that no one will ever know about you.

But the impossible has a way of happening, and if by some stroke of ill luck someone does find out about you and tries to attack you, torture you, kill you or use you for leverage?

The moment that she gets you back, safe from the threat of death, immediately she’s putting you under her care, locking you up tight in a small home in a small town where you’ll be utterly, completely safe.

However, the more likely scenario of an outside factor forcing her hand is that Machi will be approached by Chrollo himself – his words are simple, an are you alright? You seem to be a bit off your game, Machi. Whatever it is, please don’t let your duties to the Spider slide.

And when Machi takes a deep breath, she can’t help herself from spilling it all to her boss – the words come out fast, splutters of her feelings for you and how she can’t get you off her mind, how the constant worry over your safety eats away at her every moment she’s away from you, but Chrollo listens diligently, nodding every once in a while.

And when she finishes, her breathing slightly ragged, he can only place a comforting hand on her shoulder, asking her if she’s considered keeping you in a secure location, in which you’ll always have the comfort of knowing she’s alright?

And while she had in fact considered – and immediately discarded – the idea, something in that moment clicks; her life is dedicated to the Troupe, and maybe it really would make things easier to keep you locked up, to keep you safe and sound and completely protected.

Chrollo’s words are enough to have her agreeing, slipping into your room late one night and gently hitting a pressure point, only to leave you snuggled up in your new bed in a collection of the warmest, newest blankets that she could find.

You’re so cute, and while there’s a small amount of guilt eating away at her, Machi can’t deny how right it feels to have you completely aware of how dependent you are on her. Just as it should be.

As a captor, Machi’s air of distance and emotional invulnerability doesn’t simply disappear. Habits can’t be unlearned that quickly, after all, and while every glance at you leaves her stomach feeling weightless and her heart hammering in her chest, she’s too overwhelmed to really be able to talk to you normally – much less touch you as a means of expressing what she’s feeling.

She’s still so used to not really expressing herself, and while you’re quite literally in front of her, looking as precious and pretty and sweet as you always do, she can’t quite find it in her to openly admit how deeply the love swirling in her chest for you runs.

The possibility of you rejecting her is something that scares her to her core, and while the idea of you lovingly hugging her, kissing her and telling her in that flustered, sweet voice that you love her is something that actually makes her blush, the anxiety that you won’t return her feelings eats away at her.

There’s a constant war happening in her mind, really – she’ll dream about holding you at night, her eyes flicking under her eyelids as she imagines how warm you’d be, how good it would feel to press a kiss against the crown of your head, your hair tickling her lips as she whispers an I love you, only to wake up and immediately scoot away from you on the bed, hopeful that you hadn’t awoken during the night and seen the way she’d crawled in beside you.

She’s still distant and impossible to read, and for a good portion of your time under her care, you’ll have absolutely no idea why she’s stolen you.

She obviously doesn’t want to hurt you – she’s threatened you once or twice, sure, but never once has she actually laid a hand on you with violent intent.

(The threats even seem to be accidental, really – as soon as the words slip from her mouth, her eyes widen almost imperceptibly, as if she’s shocked by what she’s said. She’ll always be a little skittish afterwards, avoiding you more than normal and struggling to maintain eye contact, but you’ll always end up with a small, token gift by your nightstand that makes you wonder just how much she seems to know about what you like and dislike – the gifts may be unnerving, but they’re always things you love. Even if you don’t recall having mentioned it to her.)

She doesn’t want to hurt you, and you’ve pretty much ruled out the possibility that you’re being held as a hostage with some larger goal in mind.

After all, why would she bother to make sure you’re comfortable and taken care of if she was just planning on using you?

Why would she invest in buying such high quality sheets for your bed (your preferred blend/texture, of course), or such nice clothing for you?

(It’s all in shades of dark reds and pinks, a mixture of loungewear that fits you perfectly, and a frilly, lace nightgown that only comes down to the mid-thigh and makes you look positively angelic – if it weren’t for the way the sheer fabric does nothing to mask your nipples or the curve of your ass. Don’t ask Machi about the nightgown – she’d stolen it late one night, back when her obsession with you was in full throttle and she was constantly wanting, not quite having you kidnapped yet but still needing to be around you more and more. It was a split second decision, and a part of her hoped you wouldn’t even find the thing in your closet – but the moment she sees you for the first time, that thought disappears and she’s only left with the wonderful, explicit image of you standing in it, her eyes examining every inch of your body.)

You’ve considered everything from a ransom to becoming a future murder statistic, and yet nothing quite seems to fit the situation.

Because Machi’s not affectionate, either – in fact, she hardly ever touches you unless she absolutely has to.

When she’s patching you up after you fall and scrape your knee on the edge of the chair, her fingers almost recoil the moment your skin and hers meet. She avoids any hand you reach out with to grab at her wrist or tap her shoulder, jumping nearly out of her skin and whipping around to face you, this look crossing her face that seems like anger and yearning. It’s confusing, and after a while you’ll stop trying to initiate any form of physical contact, and Machi notices.

It frustrates her, this nagging feeling in her chest begging her to do something, to just reach out and place her hand on your shoulder or wipe away a few crumbs of food from your lips when you’re eating (she made the food, of course, after having watched you cook yourself dinner countless times through your kitchen window).

She won’t do it though, too embarrassed and scared you’ll reject her – so you’ll be left to wonder exactly what the hell her goal is. She doesn’t want to hurt or kill you, and she doesn’t seem to want to assault you or use your body either – what does she want?

You won’t know for a very, very long time – potentially even years, if Machi is left to her own devices. She’s just too scared to come clean; the chance of your rejection or your disgust makes her anxious in a way that has her picking at her nails and pulling out pieces of hair, the anxiety of it all just too much. But as time passes, things will get better.

She’ll slowly – very slowly – begin coming out of her shell, letting herself stand just a hair closer to you or let her gaze linger on your for just a moment longer than before. Eventually she’ll get to the point where she’ll sit directly next to you on the couch, your thighs pressing against each other’s and both of your faces looking straight ahead, both of you unwilling to broach the subject of exactly what’s happening. (Machi’s too nervous, and you’re too confused.)

It’ll take her a long time to admit that she cares about you, but she expresses that sentiment in different ways – she’s a woman of action, and you can tell that she holds just a sliver of fondness for you from the way she provides for you.

Instead of sleeping on a cement floor in some dark, wet, cold basement, she’s outfitted a modest, simple room for you, with a nice twin bed in the corner and a fully stocked closet, along with some art supplies to keep you entertained and a few others items corresponding to your hobbies.

Instead of restricting your meals or feeding you expired, questionable food, she’s always arriving at your doorway with a steaming bowl of soup (she didn’t make it – she can’t cook, but she did personally pick it out from the takeout place or pick it up at the store), her eyes meeting yours for a brief moment before they flick away.

Instead of invading every inch of your privacy like you’d expected, she’s respectful when you have to change (turning away, though the throbbing that forms between her legs begs her to turn around because you’re five feet away from her and you’re naked and fuck fuck fuck -).

She won’t force you into any kind of affection (no unwanted kissing or sexual touching, not even any comments about how attractive you are or how much she desires your body (because the thoughts are there, oh yes, and it’s difficult to keep them at bay, but she tries her best).

She’s even able to predict what you want before you know you want it – she’s spent so long stalking you and paying attention to every small habit in your daily life that she knows exactly how much body wash you lather yourself with in the shower, or how heavy your menstrual flow is, or even

PUNISHMENTS:

Doesn’t like seeing you in pain, and generally you’ll be too afraid to act up because she’s so cold and distant most of the time. She also has no problem intimidating you, whether it be by having a conversation with Feitan in the same room and playing up hearing him talk about new torture methods, even though she hates putting scary ideas into your head (she would never let Feitan touch you or anyone hurt you, but she figures that if you’re scared or have the idea that you will be hurt if you try anything, you’ll probably behave)

Generally speaking, Machi honestly does not enjoy causing you any sort of discomfort or harm.

She’s overbearingly protective, anxious at just the slightest fraction of a possibility that something could hurt you (the amount of times she’s jumped into action and harshly snatched the semi-sharp pencil you were using out of your hands has told you exactly how deeply her paranoia regarding your safety really runs), and she doesn’t have a moral compass that allows her to genuinely believe that any harm she does to you is somehow different than the danger she’s always trying to protect you from.

She doesn’t see herself as being a disciplining force; rather, Machi more wants to keep you safe and pristine, and though she knows it’s a bit of an impossibility, at least towards the beginning of your captivity, she wants you to be as happy as possible as well – she didn’t kidnap you just for the hell of it, and she didn’t uproot your whole life just for shits and giggles.

She wants you to behave, to be safe and sound and still enjoying what little life you have in her clutches, and frankly, punishing you is something that probably won’t happen too often. Machi is scary as a captor at first, if only because she’s just so cryptic, so unwilling to admit to anything regarding her feelings or obsession with you that could be used against her, your smarts coming in to play to manipulate her into letting you go or allowing you to be hurt.

She’s terrifying, cold, calculated and incredibly impersonal, so while the urge to try and escape, to fight her, to do anything to stand up for yourself is incredibly strong, you’ll likely be extremely hesitant to do so.

Because really, while she tries not to show any blood in front of you or explicitly talk about her job, you’ll be able to see the signs – she’s not the best at washing the blood off of her shirt before she returns home from particularly difficult or gruesome jobs, nor is she good at keeping the irritated mumblings under breath about Shalnark being so damn happy, he kills like it’s candy especially quiet.

She’s not subtle, so don’t act out – because while she knows that she’ll never, ever hurt you, you don’t, and do you really want to test that?

When she changes in front of you (something that takes her a while to have the confidence to do, if only because the idea of you seeing something as vulnerable as her body makes her flush lightly and avert her eyes), the spider tattoo is glaringly obvious, and you’ll be left to face the reality – there’s absolutely nothing you can do to her to get her to leave you alone, and there’s nothing you can do against her in order to leave.

So if you’re stuck, why make the situation any more of a living hell than it already is?

That being said, you are only human – Machi works so damn hard to keep you safe, healthy and vital, to give you as good of a life under her care as she feasibly can, and the moment that you do something to threaten that sense of safety she works so hard to upkeep?

Well, Machi may not like seeing you upset, but there’s only so much patience a mass criminal can have, only so much leniency and exceptionalism she can exercise towards you – which is why, as she sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose when you refuse to stop going near the oven (even though she makes a point to turn the breaker off and cover the oven in such a strong field of nen that there’s no way you could even try to put your hand inside), she decides that difficult situations call for unfortunate measures, that she’ll have to go to the extremes to get you complacent, pliant, behaving.

She still will never purposefully physically hurt you, if only because she genuinely can’t stomach the thought of being the cause for any of your blood to be drawn, but your mind is still oh so vulnerable, oh so exposed for her liking, pliant and susceptible to a bit of manipulation, to a bit of rerouting.

And so, while she doesn’t feel good about it, it’s not difficult to get a troupe member to come to her place, to speak about the latest or newest job, what Chrollo wants stolen, how many people can be killed or in the body count, asking them (with a well hidden wince and a sinking feeling in her gut) to be as explicit and specific as possible, to speak loudly enough that you’ll hear from the next room over.

She does this to prove to you without physical pain that she is still more than capable of shutting you down, that while she may have not done anything to you besides stealing you away, she could kill you at the drop of a pin, and you should really listen to her if you know what’s best for you.

It feels dirty and Machi honestly hates doing it, but it’s the only way – and so, when Feitan reluctantly agrees to swing by (after Machi’s promise of a few million Jenny for his trouble), Machi’s setting him up close to the wall separating the kitchen from the bedroom, asking him to face the plaster and tell him about the latest torture method he’s been experimenting with.

Feitan doesn’t like pointless talking or really helping Machi out at all, but as he begins talking, narrowing his eyes as Machi silently pumps her palm up to show he should speak louder, you’ll be sitting in the next room over, the slightly muffled words chilling you to the core.

First locate the spine, take the long knife and cut from neck to tail bone, should wait five to ten minutes for enough blood. Take oven and heat to 500 degrees…

You’ll be traumatized for all thirty minutes of the conversation, and while Machi fucking hates that she’s filling such gruesome and violent ideas in your head, it’ll get the point across, and get you listening to her again.

After she bids him goodbye (a clipped next month, see you then and a slammed door in his face), she’ll take a deep breath and adjust her ponytail lightly, closing her eyes and preparing to face you.

She’s not surprised to see you curled in on yourself on your bed, eyes wide and your fingers trembling, but it still doesn’t make her feel good, a sick feeling settling in her stomach as she bites her lip and leans against the doorframe, hurting inside knowing that she’ll never, ever let Feitan anywhere near you to enact the torture he was detailing, but knowing that she can’t tell you that.

She’s noticeably silent after every ‘punishment’, letting you stew over the information on your own time, but she’s pleased to see that you begin avoiding the oven like the plague, not a single glance spared at the appliance without copious amounts of mumbled apologies and nervously twiddling fingers.

Of course, Machi doesn’t enjoy breaking you down like this, scaring you into submission, but in her mind it’s the only way – she won’t slap you or bruise you, but don’t mental punishments work better, anyways?

Isn’t it more effective to make you afraid, so that the only thing you feel is safe and dependable is her?

OVERALL DANGER:

7/10

The thing that makes Machi so dangerous is genuinely that she’s absolutely, thoroughly and scarily committed to making absolute sure that you’re taken care of, that not a single thing can hurt you or otherwise affect you.

She’s terrified of the idea of you being hurt, because now that she has someone she actually cares about, a connection that makes her chest feel warm and her cheeks feel flush, she is absolutely not willing to let anything happen to fuck it up.

She’s paranoid, overprotective to a fault, and so painfully detached from being able to properly express herself, to properly showcase just how deeply and horribly her obsession and love for you runs.

She’s terrified of being emotionally vulnerable, of letting you in for fear that you’ll somehow use it against her, and so Machi becomes a bit like your guardian angel – only much, much bloodier, and one that will eventually lock you up and treat you like you’re made of the finest china, able to break at even the slightest poke.

Honestly, if you can deal with her being essentially emotionally unavailable (until at least a year or so into your captivity, if all goes well) and not letting you do much of anything for yourself, life with Machi won’t be so bad – you’ll get adequate, homecooked food (though it tends to a bit bland for nutritional reasons), a clean space to live in (one that she honestly won’t intrude on too much, if only because the concept of sleeping in the same bed as you makes her feel pathetic and weird for being so excited and nervous about it), and a protector who considers your safety to be the most important thing on Earth.

If you can deal with it, Machi isn’t too bad – just remember that ice takes time to melt, and can freeze up again at any moment’s notice, if you’re not careful enough.

#yandere hxh #yandere hunter x hunter #yandere machi #_hxh #_machi komacine #_lee's profiles

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xxchromies · 5 months ago

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Antinatalism is dumb

I support women not being forced to have children (obviously) and I of course am happy that more and more people are choosing to opt out of children because they don't feel like they'd be good parents. This expectation that everyone SHOULD have children is extremely problematic.

All that being said, antinatalism has gotta be one of the dumbest, pessimistic, dead-end philosophies out there. I recognize that a lot of them are radical feminists, but a lot of them are men and I abhor the way they talk about pregnant women/mothers. I won't deny that there aren't any non-selfish reasons to have children, but at the same time I think parenthood (especially motherhood) is one of the most selfless things you can do. Possibly the most selfless, provided you're an actually good parent. The urge to have biological children and spread your genes is a part of nature. It may be selfish but so is eating and drinking.

They never seem to take things to their logical conclusion. If life is inherently suffering and immoral why don't they kill themselves? Some do, but most don't and refuse to answer the question because they don't have an answer. They are miserable and they project their suffering onto everyone. Most people think the good outweighs the bad. It's also such a red flag because if you place negative value on life itself, then why would you care if someone was murdered? You might even think that person was lucky! The second-deadliest school shooting in America was done by an antinatalist. It's very likely he thought he was "saving" the people he killed as well as himself. He even killed his own mom who sacrificed everything for him. Piece of shit. But he took things to their logical conclusion. Most antinatalists are cowards who can't admit how fucked up the implications of their ideology really are.

It's just so antisocial. I don't see how it couldn't infect every interaction you have with someone who is a parent. Or any interaction you have with children. Or honestly just any interaction with anybody. It's such a cop-out. An excuse to not participate in life at all because by their logic humans shouldn't even exist. What is the end goal? For us all to die out? They say that it wouldn't matter because life is meaningless and everything is pointless and I admit that they are right on a purely philosophical level. But just because you don't "see the point" doesn't mean you are morally superior to everyone else. You're just an antisocial dickhead. I can't believe they expect us to take them seriously.

I do believe the ability to create life is beautiful and sacred (not in a trad way) and that's why it's especially important that people not be pressured to bring life into the world if they don't truly want to. I don't fuck with any "radical feminist" who thinks it's okay to denigrate and act morally superior to mothers. Women are damned if they do, damned if they don't. If you don't have kids you will be called selfish. If you have children you will be called selfish. Fuck off.

It's just depression with a pseudo-intellectual twist and it's borderline psychopathic. "Childfree" people also often get a little weird with it, and I take issue with that. I can't stand the way many of them talk about children and parents (usually mothers). It reeks of jealousy, honestly. Smells like cope.

#if i potentially have any followers who are antinatalists i will hear you out #but i don't think you'll be able to convince me #just yapping #radblr #radical feminism #terfsafe #radical feminists do interact #hot takes #pronatalism #i guess #it's anti-antinatalism at least

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painted-bees · 3 months ago

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aw yay! Here's a bunch more OC questions sent my way by @wulff20ko <3

promt description: Questions about two of your original characters about their relationship. Should work for friends/lovers/coworkers/enemies/etc, maybe not so much for family, but you're welcome to try!

Answering all of these for Margie and Raf again lmao

1) How did they meet?

Like this!

2) How long have these two characters known each other?

Since 2008..! I think the last piece of Hi-Note writing that currently exists takes place in 2014. So–six years over the span of their story so far.

3) What were their first impressions of each other? How does that compare to their impressions of each other now?

Raf thought Margie was a bit strange and ditzy, and she rubbed him as a pathological humble-bragger at first–which was…really unattractive to him lmfao. He initially kinda pulled at that thread in the interest of seeing the whole thing quickly unravel only to discover that she’s legitimately some manner of undiscovered genius who has absolutely no idea just how incredible she is.

Margie thought Raf was a charismatic player “says that to all the girls” sort–with some shade of mental illness that made it all feel a little too uncanny to be fully effective. She was technically right, but quite differently from what she initially thought lmao.

Nowadays, Raf knows Margie is his superior in several avenues; she’s a smarter, faster learner, an adaptable problem solver, a far more brilliant musician, and the most genuine, kindest, patient person he’s ever known.

And Margie knows now that the guy she met in the train station was a fictional character that Raf employed to stand between himself and the threat of forming meaningful relationships. The real Raf is a quiet, anxious, isolated pessimist buoyed by the hope that he isn’t the only person in the world who wants to do well by others.

3) How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

Raf: “Margie? She’s brilliant, she’s sweet. You won’t meet a more incredible person.”

Margie: “Raf’s a huge dork with a dorkier smirk and you just kinda gotta treat him like a cat if you want to make a good impression on him. Y’know like–just sorta ignore him, let him come to you first.”

4) Do they get along? Why or why not?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

5) Do they have any shared interests/hobbies? Do they ever do these hobbies together?

Pretty much most things, these days. Music, walks, rock flipping at low tide… If Margie does anything, she prefers doing them with him. Good experiences are best shared!

6) How often do they see each other? Where do they usually meet?

Well, initially it was just every Thursday for jam sessions. And then Raf started inviting Margie to crash at his place. Now they live and work together.

7) How do they communicate with each other? Are there any recurring phrases or gestures unique to their relationship?

Their relationship only exists as it does because of how they communicate with each other. They’ve developed a lot of little shorthand gestures to indicate to one another that things are good and there’s nothing to worry about, such as here. But there are also clear signals they provide when one needs some space or time alone, or if hugs are in order, and other such things. They’ve established a baseline understanding that when they are mad, it is never at each other–and have agreed not to assume that just because one of them is upset, it’s because they’re upset at the other specifically. The person who is upset will always take the time to explain what upset them, once they are able to properly articulate it. Until then, the priority is making sure they get the space or whatever they need to calm down and process what they’re feeling and why. If they were unable to establish free and easy modes of communication with one another, where they don’t put each other on trial, on the spot to immediately defend their behaviour in the heat of a moment, but give each other the space and grace to process and discuss things under calmer, less volatile circumstances, the wheels would fall off this relationship real quickly, real dramatically.

8) What is one quality they have in common?

They love music! They love playing music–together!

9) What is one major difference between them?

Margie is a very rosy optimist, and Raf is a very calculating pessimist.

10) Does one act as a narrative foil to the other? How so?

Yeah, It’s very puppy and cat. Raf’s long established career and jaded burnout vs Margie’s nascent/struggling career and bright-eyed, passionate energy. Margie’s willingness to trust and believe the best in people, vs Raf’s pathological mistrust/suspicion and the constant threats he sees hidden in the actions and words of all those around him. Margie’s ability to bounce back from failures and adapt to challenges–it’s all a learning process for her, vs Raf's stubborn rigidity and unwillingness to compromise–failure is devastating for him. Raf helps Margie keep her feet on her ground so that she can make more purposeful strides towards her goals. Margie helps drag Raf out of his paralyzing anxiety spirals, and keeps his creeping cynicism at bay.

11) Do they have any affection for each other? How do they show it?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

12) Do they have any disdain/contempt for each other? How do they show it?

oooh…Raf, at his worst, can feel quite overwhelmed with resentment towards Margie for how much sway she has over his feelings of worth and wellbeing. At times when he feels like she fails to understand how her actions can dictate his moods, and fails to behave in a manner sensitive to this [it’s very mercurial and unpredictable what exactly this entails–what sets him off], it’s really tempting–and it feels wholly just–to lash out just to make her feel a fraction of the discomfort/hurt he’s feeling, as way of some kind of punishment. Instead, he gets really quiet and withdrawn, sometimes for a week or two. Margie understands this as “mental health is happening at him” and takes care to stay well out of his way until he’s wrestled control of his narratives again.

Margie’s got nothing but love in her heart for Raf.

13) Do they share the same goals in life?

Yeah! They just wanna be comfy, and loved, and make good music together. Everything to do and build together is towards that shared goal.

14) Do they trust each other? Why or why not?

They do. Margie’s a given, she trusts everyone.

Raf, though, has vacillated pretty wildly between wanting to trust her by trying to brute force fake that trust until he believed it–and not trusting her at all. However, the morning she basically returned from the dead to come shambling back home to him in one piece–cemented his trust in her. He thought she had died and, in her concussed state, she was just sorry that she took so long to get back, and wanted to know if they can still play music together. He still has hiccups and moments of panic about the honesty of her relationship with him and such–but so long as he can recall the sheer relief he felt when he held her, and the absolute heartbreak she delivered to him thereafter by way of concussed murmerings–it’s irrefutable to him that she loves him very dearly and that she’ll always be there. Come hell or literal high-water.

15) Is one of them keeping secrets from the other? Why? How would they react if the secret was revealed?

Not anymore, no. Initially, Raf had only explained to Margie that he had PTSD. All of his paranoid behaviours and such were swept under that as their explanation. Once things had become quite a bit more serious between the two of them, Raf’s Uncle asserted that Margie was eventually gonna have to know about and understand the challenges of his paranoid personality disorder. And after some gentle coaxing about that, Raf finally relented to ask his uncle to talk to Margie about it for him–because if it was left to Raf to do it himself, it wouldn’t…go well, if it ever happened at all.

Margie had dated a guy with schizophrenia during her time in Winnipeg, and so there wasn’t really a big scary stigma that needed to be dispelled. The schizophrenia of her previous relationship had been such a non-issue compared to what she otherwise might have expected, that it maybe gave her the idea that Raf’s PD would similarly pose no major challenges. Eehhhh…she was a little off base with that assumption, but she got up to speed on all of it eventually, and it’s mostly fine. At the very least, it didn’t change her opinion of Raf at all, and any drama that accompanied the reveal was hosted exclusively in Raf’s poor brain.

16) Are they keeping a secret together? How do they feel about that?

Yeah lmao Raf’s PD is no one’s business but their own. Of the people still alive, Margie, Nels, and his therapist (and Tess) are the only people who are aware of Raf’s PD. The rest of the guys at Hi-Note know he has PTSD, but that’s it.

17) Do they view their relationship as temporary or permanent?

Use to be temporary, until the temporary part of their relationship was almost exercised–and now it’s as permanent as a relationship can be lmao

18) Are they satisfied with their relationship? Do they wish they were closer/more distant?

There’s always things they are working towards together, but they’re both very happy with their relationship, generally.

19) What is their best memory together?

Oh nooo there’s so much lmfao. I think they both look back on their first year in Cortes Island very very fondly–as kind of a turning point where their lives together became a pretty ironclad thing. It was forged in fire the entire year prior, and they stuck it through–and suddenly things were easy and calm and nice again, and it just…strengthened everything quite beautifully.

20) What is their worst memory together?

That whooole year before they arrived in Cortes Island lmao. Uncle Bills death and dealing with his estate was the most difficult test their relationship will even endure, I think.

21) When were they the most vulnerable with each other?

Hm, this is hard, they’re vulnerable with each other pretty well all the time. Again though, the most vulnerable moments were probably during that year of grieving and dealing with Bill’s estate. Raf had basically hit a melting point and was largely incapacitated for much of the latter half, and it culminated with Margie admitting she couldn’t take care of things like he needed her to. I think they both thought the other was gonna leave, because things had stopped being fun and enjoyable, and they couldn’t carry each other out of it or provide what the other person obviously needed. Raf was just waiting for Margie to get sick and tired enough to walk, but Margie was wrecking herself on the terror that he would feel irreparably let down by her if she failed to adequately carry his burden for him when he needed her the most. In the end, Margie’s breakdown and her fear of not being and doing enough for him is what galvanized Raf to get his shit together just enough to put some real, physical distance between them and all the garbage that had piled up on them. A move that Margie had suggested months earlier, but Raf had been too stubborn/overwhelmed to properly consider at the time.

22) Do they have any mutual friends? Mutual enemies?

All of Raf’s friends are Margie’s friends (he only really has two aside from her and Tess)–but not all of Margie’s friends are Raf’s friends. No mutual enemies, either. Solely because Margie doesn’t have anyone she’d describe as an enemy haha. Maybe Raf’s mom…but Margie has never met her, so it feels weird. She greatly dislikes everything she’s heard about the woman, though.

23) How do these two interact with each other in public versus in private?

In public, you might think they’re just really close friends. Margie and Raf don’t engage in any explicitly romantic displays of affection in public–largely because Raf is very uncomfortable about it.

In private, they’re in each other’s space a lot of the time, and fill silences with the occasional sappy call-and-responses that are all some shade of “guess what?” “what?” “I love you.” “Woah, I love you too–weird!” Sometimes the words they string together to carry this sentiment between each other are absolute nonsense…but they know what it means. They’re also just very content to be in the same room together, quietly doing their own thing and otherwise ignoring each other in perfect comfort.

24) If a stranger saw them together, how would they describe their relationship?

“They seem like really good friends! They’re working together quite well!”

25) How would these characters react to being stuck in a small room with each other?

Stuck? Well…They’d try to figure out what the deal is. And if it’s like…a busted elevator situation or something, Raf wouldn’t pause for levity until the situation was under control. But once it’s just a matter of waiting for things to become unstuck again, He and Margie would sit in each other's space and pass the time musing and joking to one another. They just enjoy each other’s company, generally.

26) How far would they go for each other? Would they risk their own lives for each other?

Margie would crawl out of Davy Jones's coldest locker for Raf lmao

Raf would walk into oncoming traffic for Margie.

But more than that, both of them would endeavor to live their healthiest, happiest lives for each other.

#hi-note #rafael #magritte

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cross-my-heartt · 2 years ago

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I am so sorry for prattling on about this but I'm a million miles down the Crosshair rabbit hole and I WANT TO HUG THIS MAN SO BADLY.

I'm supposed to make this post about all the reasons Crosshair had for wanting to stay with the Empire in season one right? And I wanted to make it solely based on the information he has (from his limited pov) without involving morality or the role his personal biases play in his decision.

I decided to leave all that for another post. Look at just what he has to work with from a factual standpoint for now.

But then I was going through Aftermath and it's so interesting to hear what Crosshair has to say about the Republic and the Empire. I mean sure, he has his chip then but some of the things he says don't sound like chip talk and are all stuff he echoes when he's free of it.

And oh my god, the level of cynicism of this man. I am going to make a full post about it but there's just something heartbreaking when you think about how distrustful and paranoid and just pessimistic he is.

The reason the batch desert is because they believe the Empire is worse than the Republic. If Crosshair doesn't because he's naive that means he believes that's false, that the Empire is just as good as, if not better, than the Republic.

Except that Crosshair is the opposite of naive. He's not naive he's cynical because to him, the Republic was just as bad as the Empire.

To Crosshair the world is a sh*tty and merciless place. The Republic couldn't be trusted, the Empire can't be trusted, leaving either is a death sentence (and is he really wrong? just how many times do the batch have a close brush with death after they desert and survive for the sole reason that Crosshair is on the other side?), the rest of the galaxy is dangerous and the only way to survive is selling your skills for the basic right to live.

You're on your own (nobody wants to help you right? the regs rarely did. the Kaminoans saw you as an experiment. the Republic sent you on suicide missions) and the only thing you have is the handful of people you love and the usefulness you have to offer to those who hold power over you.

This is the nature Tech spoke about - that unyielding cynicism, that perpetual harsh distrust that paints the word in such a brutal light.

And all of this makes the rage he feels at the end of the Outpost so much more impactful. Because Crosshair played the game. He felt like he saw through every slimy institution that ever threatened to wipe him and his family out, he did what was necessary, he calculated the risks, he took all the facts into account and still, still, the universe crouched down, looked him dead in the eye and spat in his face.

And I honestly don't know how you even begin to recover from a blow like that.

#tbb #tbb crosshair #the bad batch #I will make a more coherent version of this #with all the quotes and stuff #if he ever gets to Pabu he'll probably short circuit #a safe place? where they're accepted and welcome? where failure doesn't mean something unbearably awful? how in the maker-#my meta

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sixty-silver-wishes · 5 months ago

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well, it's fourth of july. if you're like me, and you're in the us, you're probably feeling pessimistic right now, given the state of things. I made a joke post about how I feel about it the other day that blew up, and tbh I'm not surprised. that being said, I'd like to talk a bit more in detail about my thoughts on the matter this year.

so, to begin with, it's pretty obvious why I'm feeling so disillusioned this year. the us presidential election isn't looking good, fascism is on the rise and seems to be met mainly with apathy, the us is aiding in genocide in gaza, while many politicians are restricting the rights of american civilians, especially those belonging to marginalized groups- abortion is being criminalized, as is trans healthcare, and rulings have been upheld gerrymandering black-majority voting districts, not to mention the state of education surrounding POC and queer history. the supreme court is out of control. climate change gets worse every year, with consequences all around the world; hurricane beryl's early arrival and its devastation of the caribbean was just one more instance of the worsening state of the environment. russia is still invading ukraine, with global tensions worsening as multiple major powers battle for global prominence. all that is to say, it's a scary time to live pretty much anywhere in the world, and given the slew of problems in the united states, it's impossible to feel a shred of patriotism as many people of prominence in our country either worsen or are otherwise complicit in many of the aforementioned issues.

all that being said, I want to begin by saying that I don't think you're necessarily a bad person if you celebrate fourth of july. I don't think guilting people is a productive way to go about things, or to alleviate any feelings of cognitive dissonance. I don't know why everyone is celebrating; maybe you want to focus on the positive aspects of american culture, such as its diversity or the accomplishments of those who have been able to advocate for themselves despite oppression from within their own country. or maybe you just want a day off to spend with your family and friends, without anything to do with america. what you do today is your business, and it's not up to me to police what you should or shouldn't do.

I do, however, want to offer some resources for those of you like me, who feel like we can't celebrate. I don't think we should be paralyzed by guilt and do nothing, but I also acknowledge that what we can do varies from person to person. maybe you can do a mix of both- spend the day with your family while also taking time to engage with these resources. You don't have to engage with all of them, but I would appreciate if people took the time with these resources, whether it means educating themselves on various issues or donating money to a cause. So, here are some I think deserve some attention:

NDN Collective: NDN Collective is an Indigenous-led organization that focuses on sustainability, the Land Back movement, intersectional activism, and climate justice.

Native Land Digital: This interactive digital map shows the location of precolonial Indigenous land around the world, so you can find whose land you're living on. Clicking on a location on the map may provide you with links affiliated with specific tribes or Indigenous groups, allowing you to learn more about the history, culture, and issues regarding Indigenous peoples in the area where you live. For instance, I live on Seminole land, and clicking on the Seminole area of the map leads me to the official Seminole tribe website.

The Afiya Center: The Afiya center is a Texas-based organization that focuses on reproductive health issues regarding Black women and AFAB people in Texas. This includes abortion and contraceptive resources, as well as preventing STI's.

Zebra Youth: Zebra Youth is a Florida-based organization that provides resources to LGBT adolescents, such as housing and mental health resources.

Operation Olive Branch: Operation Olive Branch is a spreadsheet that contains various verified fundraisers to help people evacuate or survive in Gaza during the current genocide.

Healing Our Homeland: An organization that delivers food and humanitarian relief to Palestinians.

Nova Ukraine: Delivers humanitarian relief to Ukraine.

ASAN: Autism Self-Advocacy Network- An autistic-led organization that aims to better representation for autistic people, provide educational resources, and improve accommodations.

This article contains links to relief efforts to help the victims of Hurricane Beryl.

Of course, please remember to vote this year! As bad as the choices are, either a democrat or a republican will be the president in 2025, and organizing for progress is going to be a hell of a lot easier under one than the other. For now, let's continue to uplift our communities, provide support where we can, and continue to learn about intersectional issues and diverse viewpoints.

#4th of july #fourth of july #humanitarian aid #signal boost #palestine #gaza #reproductive rights #ukraine #lgbt rights #disability rights

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melikedraw · 6 days ago

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hi hi hiiii!!!11!!

wondering whether u cld write hcs abt gaolang with someone like basically the complete opposite of him… imagine like an extroverted, loud, outspoken constantly happy s/o… lives to party and just overall loves the thrill of life and r defo friends with saw paing i can jst envision it

(if u already did something like this mb😓)

literally like snooki or jwoww from jersey shore or smthing IDK!!! ive just had it in my head 4 so long and can imagine them getting into so many different scenarios of s/o running around like batshit crazy getting into all sorts of shit and gaolang is just… there trying to keep them under control or smthing

id love 4 u to add in ur own little things with this if u do do it mwah ok love from poland🫶🫶

Gaolang with an extroverted s/o

Gaolang x gn! reader

Fluff, reader being silly

~~~~~

- he finds you overwhelming at first, due to you loud and erratic nature, and will try to avoid you

- he won't ignore you if you find him or anything but will not purposely try to get to know you either

- you kind of remind him of saw paing, which is not a good start because he's already fed up with that one

- definitely accidentally called you saw paing in the first few weeks of knowing you

- he keeps telling himself that he doesn't need another saw paing in his life, but he can't help being drawn to you

- he feels the need to make sure you're safe and alright because of how thrill seeking you are

- if you're lucky, he might even join you in your silly escapades, but he draws the line at anything that will directly embarrass him in public (he has an image to uphold)

- in private, though, he will do almost anything for you, he's like a big puppy in a way

- want to give him 5 inch acrylic nails? Alright, he'll keep them for a day or two (they probably break off from his daily activities)

- put makeup on him? Fine, but no pictures

- dress him up? He admired your dedication of getting costumes that fit him properly

- where am I going with this? No idea

- will act like a parent/guardian/older brother figure to you

- willing to bail you out of any situation, but will give you a long lecture about it on the way home with lots of sighing and "I'm not angry, just disappointed"

- he'll make you put his number as your emergency contact

- if you go out late at night, he tries his best to accompany you (he most likely has work the next day tho, so don't bank on it), or have someone you both trust to go with you

- make sure you text him once you get home, or he'll be awake all night worrying

- I wouldn't call gaolang a pessimist, he's more of a realist with a resting bitch face

- so let's say you're an idealist, positive to the point of naivety, as if you live in a bubble of a world that only has good things, believing that all things will go your way

- he doesn't mind it, in fact he's glad you aren't irritatingly pessimistic or anything, but he does find your mindset foolish

- though he will do whatever it takes to give you that life free from all things bad, if that's what you want

- you better not get into his personal space though, especially when you two first met

- if you disregard it, you'll definitely have a hard time getting friendly with him because he will not accept someone who can't respect boundaries

- despite this, you'll wear him down soon enough, just as saw paing had

- your positivity definitely rubs off on him, not that he'll admit it

- you'll catch him smiling around you more often, but don't mention it or he'll immediately drop it to a scowl

- in conclusion, you're his silly rabbit and he loves you very much

#kengan #kengan ashura #kengan omega #kenganverse #kengan x you #kengan x reader #kengan x y/n #gaolang #gaolang wongsawat #kaolan wongsawat #gaolang x reader #saw paing yoroizuka

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blackbird5154 · 1 month ago

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I've been quite thoughtful in the last months of how I engage with my hyperfixations, and especially with my current love for Terzo, because I have now understood the reason why I love him so much...

But essentially it's a very complicated thing.

Because reading also the opinions on Tumblr (such as yours), I see that with many fans we have a point in common: that is, that in him we see a symbol of hope.

For me, but also according to the lore itself, he's a man who has faced a lot in his life; and yet he managed to embrace its dark sides and face them, becoming the Satanic Pope that we all know and love.

So, according to my terribly parasocial logic, I see him as a person who would be able to give me comfort in difficult times, because he would know how it feels.

Because he is, even in appearance, mature and elderly.

Mature above all because life has made him this way.

I am honestly very pessimistic in these moments, starting from the last few years.

And if I got a tattoo inspired by Cirice, because that song came on the radio precisely in a difficult moment (a day coming back from the psychologist) and before the reports of war and suffering increased.

As much as I'm obsessed with it, it brought me so much happiness to be in this fandom. Also seeing in Terzo a comfort character, if I may say so.

I see myself in him, that's why I love him so much and I wanted to do a tribute on my skin 🥺

Terzo is a very good guide in difficult moments. You're right, his image combines optimism with a knowledge of the dark sides of life, from the Peter Bebergal's promo and music videos to the complex improvisational character that is embodied on stage.

Terzo has always epitomized for me the strength and willingness to stand up for good things while fighting bad things. He seems like the kind of person who always broke into the thick of things and was never afraid to look difficulties in the face. He cared for those who were weaker and didn't think about whether the danger was comparable to his own abilities. He followed his heart and led people.

About hope. A friend of mine, who doesn't know Ghost well but knows of my fascination with Terzo, once told me a dream she had. It cited obituaries for all the deceased Papas. The obituary for the Third had text whose meaning could be summarized in one word: HOPE. Apparently, it's something that's in the air. And you don't even need to know lore well to feel it.

War is an event that makes a lot of people show the worst sides of their nature. Sometimes, when you look at it, it feels like the world is going to hell and people are turning into monsters. Life turns on you with its ugly side. Even if you're not directly involved, just watching from the sidelines. ESPECIALLY if it affects you directly. But that doesn't mean the world has gotten worse. It's just that it turned his ass on you.

There are two sides to the song Cirice. On the one hand it's about a moth that flies into a deceptive light. On the other, it's about a man who reaches out his hand. Like in the photo I recently reblogged, he reaches out and says: I know this darkness, I will lead you through. I also have a moth symbol in the form of a neck pendant. Depicting it on your body is an even more powerful step. I'm glad if it makes you feel like your supporting character is always with you.

Stay strong. We're not alone 💜

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starsstuddedsky · 2 years ago

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Chapter 2 - What Happens in the Closet...

reader x jihoon

Chapter 1 | masterlist | Chapter 3

summary: when you're caught in a simple lie, the best solution? dig in and stick to your guns until everything inevitably goes wrong and everyone gets hurt

or, a serial dater and a pessimist fake a relationship in the vain hope that nothing will go wrong

genre: fluff, angst, non-idol au, lawyer au, coworkers to lovers??? friends to lovers???? fake dating!!!!!

warnings: cursing???? i think that's it???

wc: 5.2k

a/n: tysm for reading!!!! school is kicking my butt this week lol so there's a solid chance there's typos, i'm sorry :(

taglist: open! send an ask or comment!

Jihoon has always trusted his gut. It’s never led him wrong; the schools he chose, the law firms he declined, the clients he advised, they’ve all been good choices. He knows better than to ignore the little feeling deep down in his stomach that doesn’t sit right, warning him that something is wrong.

Unfortunately, this morning he convinces himself it’s just because he hasn’t had his coffee yet.

He multitasks, typing a furious reply to Mark from accounting (who has apparently lost the ability to read, since the information he is asking for is in the first e-mail that Jihoon sent) while also heading toward the pretty wall of expensive coffee makers that played a significant role in his decision to accept the job offer here. That’s why he doesn’t notice you until you practically bounce off his chest.

“My bad, I—” You freeze when you meet his eyes.

I’m sorry, Jihoon tries to say, except the words don’t come out, and now he’s stuck looking at you with the same wide-eyed stare you are giving him. It’s not often that Jihoon finds himself speechless, but there’s so much he needs to say, to explain. Too much. He hasn’t had the chance to even think about telling you the absolutely idiotic things he said on Saturday night, even after he spent all day Sunday staring at his ceiling and imagining how to explain. The only proof it wasn’t all a nightmare is the texts blowing up his phone this morning from Seungcheol and Joshua who managed to find your Instagram (apparently they approved, though it was tricky to explain why he wasn’t following you).

“We need to talk,” Jihoon finally says.

“I really am sorry,” you respond. You lean back against the counter and Jihoon catches a glance of a cup of coffee behind you, a mug decorated in bright letters that spell out your name (Fact #5: you like colors?).

“Not about that,” Jihoon says. “Well, I guess about that, but not really, it’s complicated, and—”

“Morning,” a familiar deep voice says. Jihoon turns around to find Wonwoo behind him. His eyebrows are raised well over his round glasses, forming shapely arches. He slings his arm over Jihoon’s shoulder, glancing between Jihoon and you.

A sudden thought crosses Jihoon’s mind. Even though Wonwoo was shipped off on a last minute “emergency” work trip over the weekend, there is no way that news as inconceivable as Jihoon finally losing his lifelong title of ‘bitchless’ wasn’t the first thing Wonwoo saw the second he turned his phone off airplane mode. Meaning that the side eye he is giving him now is because he’s about to call Jihoon out on the worst lie he’s ever told and turn him into the biggest laughing stock the world has ever seen.

He really should have listened to his gut.

“So,” Wonwoo says, “How long has this been going on?” His grip on Jihoon’s shoulder tightens.

You frown. “What are you talking about?”

“You and him,” Wonwoo says, gesturing between you and Jihoon.

Jihoon elbows Wonwoo, pushing the taller man off. “Not here,” he mutters.

Before he can say anything else, you gasp. “It’s not what you think!”

Jihoon grabs your hand before you can say anything else, pulling you past a bewildered Wonwoo. He ignores the stares of the paralegals and lawyers in the halls as he pulls you past the peering eyes, into the nearest open door, which, unfortunately, is the janitor’s closet. There goes any chance at subtlety.

“Jihoon?” You ask as he fumbles along the wall trying to find the light switch. He’s still holding your hand, which he only realizes when you lightly tug it out of his grasp.

He finally finds the switch, flipping it on to find that it connects to a solitary lightbulb hanging from the ceiling that flickers and is definitely a safety hazard. You’re standing directly under the light. Because the light is tinted yellow, Jihoon gets the faint impression that you’re glowing.

You glance between Jihoon and the door behind him, which he realizes he is accidentally blocking. He steps to the side, not wanting you to think that he’s trapping you in here, though he doesn’t have a contingency plan if you run away now. Not that he has any actual plan right now; none of his Sunday-morning-imaginary-conversations took place in a room that smells like bleach and has lighting that hasn’t been touched since the ‘80s.

“I swear, I have no idea how Wonwoo found out,” you say quickly. “No one knows other than my friends, and I told them we’d both get fired if anyone at work found out, so I really don’t know how he found out, but I swear, I’ll tell him it was just a rumor and it isn’t true at all. I’m really sorry, I know you said you wanted nothing to do with me, so, whatever I can do, I’ll do it, just please don’t report me to HR.”

Jihoon felt bad before, but now if guilt could build a time machine, he’d go all the way back to elementary school and beg his mother to take him with her when she left. Maybe then you wouldn’t be looking at him with actual tears threatening to fall.

It wouldn’t be the first time he’s made someone cry, but somehow it’s not nearly as satisfying when he’s the one at fault.

“So the thing is,” Jihoon says. “I think it might have been me.” Thankfully your frown doesn’t send the tears tumbling down, but your confusion means that he must, unfortunately, continue to explain. “I sort of told a few of my friends that I was dating someone from work.” He can’t bring himself to say it all, not with his own words echoing in his ears berating you for doing something so foolish. “It’s a very long story, but they believe that I am dating you, and I let them believe it.”

“You let them believe…” you repeat softly, as though you still aren’t understanding. Jihoon can’t blame you; he hardly believes it himself.

“Well, believe isn’t really the right word, because they didn’t see any evidence.” Jihoon had also spent a lot of time on Sunday trying to explain why he didn’t have any photos of you, let alone with you. “So I may have told them that you are coming to my friend’s thing on Saturday. As my date.”

You stare at him. If you keep looking at him with a frown that deep you’re going to get wrinkles, but he figures now is not the time to mention that. There’s nothing he can do now but wait, (most of) the truth now out in the open. He holds his breath as you open your mouth, then close it, then open it again.

“Are you asking me to fake date you?” You finally ask.

“Yes?” Jihoon says.

Fact #6: You have a ridiculous laugh.

He discovers this as you burst into laughter, smile finally breaking the frown as you gasp for breath, clutching your sides. It sounds like something between a machine gun and a dying deer, not that he’s heard either of those sounds in real life before.

“Are you okay?” He asks, because it seriously doesn’t look like you can breathe, and he’s starting to worry that he’s actually broken you.

“You told them you’re fake dating me?” You manage between gasps.

Jihoon sighs. “Yes. Look, I know an apology is overdue—”

“Way overdue.”

“Way overdue,” Jihoon says because you’re mad enough at him already and he can survive appeasing you at least a little. “So I do apologize. I shouldn’t have yelled at you and threatened HR, and I should have talked to you before I did anything as dumb as telling my friends that we are dating.”

“Obviously,” you say.

“Are you okay?” Jihoon asks now that you’ve mostly stopped laughing, wiping a few tears from your eyes.

“I don’t really know how to answer that,” you say.

Jihoon nods. “I don’t blame you for being mad.”

“I’m not mad,” you say quickly. “Shocked and stunned and a lot of other words, but mad isn’t one of them. Mostly, it’s funny.”

“Funny.”

“Funny!”

Jihoon frowns as you burst into giggles again, though you stifle them quickly at his glare.

“Seriously, I mean, who goes off on their coworker and then not even a day later does the same exact thing,” you say. “I’ve always known you were a little… But that’s beside the point, because you are, in fact, asking me to fake date you?”

“Wait, a little what?” Jihoon asks.

You shake your head, leaning against a metal pole, then immediately straightening when you almost knock over a shelf of toilet paper. “I don’t think I’m obligated to answer that.” He opens his mouth but you raise your eyebrows. “If you ask again I’m going to answer something that you won’t like.”

“Is it the truth?”

You shrug. “Do you want me to come to the thing on Saturday and pretend to be ridiculously in love with you or not?”

“You don’t have to be ridiculous,” Jihoon mumbles. He takes a deep breath, trying to convince himself that this is still a good idea somehow (eventually he settles for the conclusion that it’s much too far to turn back now). “Yes, I would like you to please be my date on Saturday.”

“Can you say that again so I can record it?” You ask a little too innocently. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say please.”

“You’ve barely heard me say five words,” Jihoon says. “This is the longest conversation we’ve ever had.”

“With the exception of literally three days ago when you yelled at me. And the presentation you gave in eighth grade on the importance of fish in the ecosystem of the creek by the school and you were so excited because you brought your fish except it died on the way to school and you were so upset you locked yourself in the bathroom and they had to call your dad to pick you up.” You look a little too smug.

“If you tell anyone about that, I’m telling them about the time you wrote an entire essay on symbolism in the Harry Potter series over the summer, and then it wasn’t even accepted because they said extra credit was unethical.”

“You remember that?” You frown at him. “Look, I was a different person back then. J.K. Rowling was a different person back then.”

“Pretty sure a TERF is always a TERF,” Jihoon says. It’s easy to fall into banter with you. He finds himself wondering why he’s never spoken to you like this before, until he remembers Fundamental Fact #3: you are an idiot in love.

More than anything, he wants to leave this closet. Run away and lock himself in his room and dive into his work (and tell Mark that he’s an idiot who can’t read) and forget all of this. But you still haven’t said yes.

“I will do whatever you want,” he says, quickly adding, “within reason,” because your eyes light up a little too brightly. “You can tell your friends that we’re fake dating. We can actually fake date. I can write a contract and everything, just, please, come with me?”

Jihoon has always thought that your kindness made you weaker, but he’s grateful for it now because you smile at him and say, “Yes.”

He hopes his sigh of relief isn’t too obvious. He thinks you might say something else (“You have to pretend to be my date to my friends in return,” or “I was just kidding, you’re insane and I won’t do it,” or “Don’t fall in love with me”) but before you can open your mouth, there’s a knock at the door.

“Hey,” Wonwoo says, voice muffled. “I hate to interrupt, but yn, we have a meeting in like two minutes.”

You glance at the time on your phone and curse, pushing past Jihoon and practically bursting out of the closet. He loses sight of you sprinting toward your office as the door swings shut. Jihoon seriously considers staying here for the rest of the day (possibly the rest of his life), but the door creaks open again to reveal Wonwoo, pinstripe suit and all. He folds his arms and leans against the door.

“We need to talk.”

Jihoon has never been scared of any of his friends, but fear is the only word he can use to describe how he feels now. The final beats to Jihoon’s life sounds a lot like Wonwoo’s footsteps as they echo while he follows the tall man to his own office. This is it. The jig is up before he even shows you to his friends. Well, it was an idiotic plan in the first place and at least he didn’t embarrass you alongside everyone else.

Wonwoo has the decency to wait for the door to shut behind him.

“I can’t believe you,” Wonwoo says, shaking his head. “I leave for one weekend, and you tell everyone that you’re dating yn?”

“I know, I—”

“I mean, seriously, we’ve been friends for how long now?” Wonwoo pauses to count on his fingers. “Eight years? Nine? We work together! I know yn better than any of them, and I had to hear from Mingyu that you two are dating?”

Jihoon frowns. Did Wonwoo actually believe him?

“Honestly, I’m offended,” Wonwoo says. “Seriously, how am I not the first person you think of? I’ve been saying for years that you and yn would be perfect together.”

“I didn’t mean to tell them,” Jihoon says. “They were just being annoying about it, so it slipped out.”

Wonwoo shakes his head. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. Right under my nose and I didn’t see it.”

“Well, you are like a point away from being legally blind,” Jihoon says.

Wonwoo glares at him. “You owe me details.”

“Don’t you have a meeting?” Jihoon says.

Wonwoo’s phone rings. He answers in a hushed tone, shooting Jihoon a look that clearly says this isn’t over. Jihoon breathes a sigh of relief as Wonwoo exits, resting his head on his desk. What just happened?

A small part of him had hoped that Wonwoo was going to call him out and this entire mess would be over. But he believed him? Jihoon, who had only ever scoffed at you, despite Wonwoo constantly talking about how well you would work together. Well, he’s clearly having the last laugh now.

Jihoon takes a deep breath and sits up. He still has a job to do. Though his life is clearly falling apart, he should at least make sure Mark from accounting doesn’t mess up his paycheck (again). And he has a contract to write.

Objectively, Jihoon has to admit you look good. It has nothing to do with opinion; it’s a fact (fact #8: you look good in formalwear, though he makes a mental note for an addendum that says that’s the whole point of formalwear). Jihoon spends a normal amount of time looking at you (counting to five seconds before looking away), then ushers you into the backseat of the limo because for some reason you aren’t moving.

“Do I get to know why we’re in a limo or why I had to buy new clothes?” You ask, taking care to make sure none of the flowy garment got stuck in the door.

“I told you I’d cover that,” Jihoon says.

“No, it was kind of bad that I didn’t have anything this nice, and now I have something to wear to the end of the year gala,” you say. “Way to dodge the question though.”

Jihoon grimaces. It’s difficult to judge how people react to finding out about his friends (given that he has “little-to-no” experience introducing anyone to them), and he isn’t entirely certain that you won’t jump out of the car when he tells you the truth. But apparently you can’t sit in silence for long.

“Okay, well, if you won’t tell me, then I’m going to guess,” you say. “Are we going to a wedding?”

“No.”

“A funeral?”

“Why would I wear a tux to a funeral?”

“Hey, I don’t judge,” you say with a shrug. “It looks very good on you, by the way.” Jihoon glances at you but you’re twisting your face into a strange frown as you think, so you don’t notice the way his ears tinge pink at the comment. “Prom?”

“We’re grown adults.”

“Prom needs chaperones,” you say. “Besides, you never went to prom.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t catch my date making out with someone else either, so, it wasn’t that bad of a night for me.”

“Ouch,” you say. “That was low.”

Jihoon remembers that you are technically doing him a favor today (if saving his life counts as a favor), so he says, “Well, there’s no way you could know I was in my pajamas watching anime all day, so, it wasn’t fair. Sorry.” Maybe around you he’ll get used to apologizing. He can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not.

Luckily, you accept his peace offering, flashing a smile that is quickly becoming familiar. Your face twists into that strange frown again, and Jihoon determines Fact #9: you are unwaveringly stubborn.

“Oh!” You gasp. “Are you secretly rich?”

Jihoon snorts. “What makes you think that?”

“Well, you picked me up in a limo wearing a tux, after telling me to dress in fancy, expensive clothes,” you say. “Plus you are super secretive about your personal life, and, I don’t know, you give off rich guy vibes. Unless I’m totally wrong?”

“I’m not rich,” Jihoon says. “I mean, I guess I have a decent amount of money saved since I mostly just work and go to the gym and the only thing I really buy is groceries.” Jihoon realizes just how boring he sounds. “I mean, I do go out. Just not often, and I buy… things, anyways, I’m not rich.”

“Sure,” you say. You turn to look out the window, but Jihoon doesn’t miss the laugh poorly disguised as a cough.

Luckily (because Jihoon is absolutely positive you would have continued interrogating him), the limo stops and you don’t have to guess anymore.

“You’re joking,” you say, whipping around in your seat to stare at him.

Jihoon can’t say that he doesn’t enjoy seeing you speechless. You look back and forth between him and the chaos on the street.

“You said you weren’t secretly rich!” You say. “How did you get tickets for a literal red carpet event?” Your face is centimeters away from pressing against the glass, breath quickly making it too foggy to see. “This is the Eternals sequel!”

“You like Marvel?”

“No, actually I think the franchise has a lot of issues.”

Jihoon gasps, but you’re already climbing out of the limo, turning back to face him with a smile. It’s so bright Jihoon forgets why he was mad.

“Come on,” you say. You hold out your hand, and after a moment, Jihoon takes it. He doesn’t let go when he gets out of the car, tightening his fingers around yours, anchoring you to his side.

It’s chaotic, but not nearly as chaotic as he knows it will be soon. Half the press haven’t even arrived yet, and the theater is mostly surrounded by the scatter of crew members and invited guests that aren’t celebrities. Jihoon spots Mingyu first, his tall head standing out in the crowd.

“You ready?” Jihoon asks, turning to look at you. You’re still staring at everything, unable to hide your grin. Maybe he should have warned you, but it’s kind of fun to see you like this. Bright.

Mingyu literally shouts when he sees Jihoon. He watches as Mingyu’s eyes practically lock on to you, and he starts pushing his way towards you, Wonwoo and Seungcheol in tow.

“The tall, overly excited one is Mingyu,” Jihoon whispers. “You know Wonwoo, and—”

“Seungcheol, right?” You glance at Jihoon.

He frowns. “How did you know that?”

“We did go to the same college, you know.” Right. Because this wasn’t complicated enough. Jihoon starts to think that all of this is a mistake, but it’s hardly the first time today, and as Mingyu approaches, all he can do is tighten his hand around yours and commit.

“Jihoon!” Mingyu says as soon as he’s close. His voice carries, more than a few people casting a glance at him. He takes another step, but his foot gets caught on something (knowing Mingyu, it’s nothing), and he’s sent tumbling to the ground. Neither Seungcheol nor Wonwoo attempt to catch him, letting the tall man collapse on the ground.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” You ask over Seungcheol’s giggling. Wonwoo helps Mingyu up, but he’s laughing as well, and even Jihoon’s nerves aren’t enough to stop him from breaking a smile.

“I’m used to it,” Mingyu says, walking much slower. His hair took the worst of the fall, now a disheveled mess. Jihoon wonders how long it’ll take for him to notice.

“Mingyu, Seungcheol, this is yn,” Jihoon says. “My real, living, breathing, human date.”

“Nice to finally meet you,” Mingyu says, shaking your free hand. “We’ve heard so much about you.”

“Really?”

“No, this is Jihoon we're talking about, we were lucky to get your name.”

“That sounds more like the man I know,” you say, turning to flash a smile at him before facing Mingyu again. Mingyu glances at your other hand, fingers still intertwined with his, and Jihoon thinks he might actually believe it.

“We’ve met before,” Seungcheol says. “Though there was a lot of alcohol, and I don’t really remember it all that well.”

“Georgia’s Bar, right?” You say. It takes all of Jihoon’s self control not to react. Surely he would have remembered seeing you at the only bar his friends could drag him to during college?

“Probably,” Seungcheol says. “I was getting my MBA, and there were a lot of bars. Very few that we could get Jihoon to go to, though.” He raises his eyebrow. “That’s why we're all a little surprised that someone actually managed to get him out of his apartment and away from his work.”

Jihoon glances between you and Seungcheol as you think about the answer to what is obviously a test. “I don’t think I really got him away from his work.” You turn to Jihoon with what can only be described as a warm, loving smile. You’re really good at this. “But I’m pretty much married to my job too, so it works.”

Seungcheol nods but Jihoon can tell he doesn’t believe fully, at least not yet. “We should go inside before everyone else gets here and this turns into a mess.” He turns to head into the cinema, leaving everyone else to follow. Mingyu and Wonwoo start chatting about Mingyu’s (alleged) drama at work that has something to do with a secretary, the CEO of the company, and his famous but estranged brother. Jihoon doesn’t bother to listen, turning to look at you.

Your smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “He doesn’t believe us.”

“Not yet,” Jihoon whispers. “Give him time, he’s just particular.” He pauses, then says, “The detail about Georgia’s was good.”

You nod. “It was true.”

“How many times have you met him?”

“Just once,” you say. “You were there too.”

Before Jihoon can ask anything else, Wonwoo calls, “Hey, lovers, are you coming or what?” They’re already inside the cinema, waving for you to catch up or get left behind. You flash Jihoon a determined smile and squeeze his hand, jogging to catch up to the rest of the guys.

Jihoon can’t help but wonder how long your lives have been like this, the roots of two trees that brush against each other but never tangle. Until now.

“Do we have an ETA on the kid?” Wonwoo asks as you settle into the theater seats. You’re doing a good job of acting natural, or at the very least, not gawking at every other detail of the (admittedly stunning) theater.

“You’re not calling him that now, too,” Jihoon says. “He’s a grown adult. Also, he should be here soon.”

“How’s the kid?” Seungcheol asks, folding his arms. Jihoon rolls his eyes with the emphasis on kid. “No nervous breakdowns?”

“He was fine when I called him earlier,” Mingyu says. “As soon as the cameras are on him, he’ll put a smile on.”

Seungcheol grunts but still looks worried. Jihoon would tell him that he cares too much, but he knows Seungcheol will just say that it’s to make up for Jihoon not caring at all, so he doesn’t quite see the point. Besides, it’s Seungkwan; Jihoon is pretty sure all his friends have a soft spot for the younger man, Seungcheol especially.

“He must be here,” Mingyu says when screams erupt from outside. He checks his watch. “A little early, isn’t he? Doesn’t he normally make a grand entrance?”

Jihoon doesn’t miss the way you frown at him, clearly aware that you’re missing something very important. He studies the lights and pretends not to notice your glare.

Most of the commotion is at the entrance, though the bulk of the press aren’t allowed into the theater. Jihoon hears more than he can see, but he knows it’s Seungkwan and the rest of the star-studded cast that are used to being the center of attention. He doesn’t miss you craning your neck to catch a glimpse of why everyone is staring.

Seungkwan’s blonde head appears from the crowd, but he makes the rounds first, checking in with every staff member, shaking hands and taking pictures. Ever the perfect celebrity.

Still, he doesn’t miss how Seungkwan locks in on you, grabbing a tall skinny man and whispering a few words before striding across the theater to where the entire group sat.

“That’s Boo Seungkwan,” you whisper. “And he’s walking over here.”

“I didn’t tell you we’re friends?” Jihoon says.

If looks could kill, Jihoon would be dead, but it’s worth it because even with murder on your mind you (objectively) look good. Maybe it comes from being a divorce lawyer—Jihoon wonders if this is the glare you use when the to-be-divorced couples bicker, then wonders if he’s thinking a little too much about your glare.

The rest of his friends greet Seungkwan as if this is normal, which, technically, it is. Except this is a blockbuster movie premiere and Jihoon is using it to soft launch his (fake) relationship to his world famous best friend. To your credit, you manage to shake his hand and greet him normally.

If Jihoon is being honest with himself, Seungkwan is the only one he really feels guilty lying to. It doesn’t sit right, even though Seungkwan is partially to blame for thinking Jihoon’s happiness is reflected directly onto his love life. It doesn’t help that Seungkwan knows exactly how to guilt him, smiling and greeting you as if this is normal. Jihoon knows him too well, seeing the suspicion behind his friend’s eyes. As if convincing Seungcheol isn’t hard enough.

“So are all of Jihoon’s rich and famous?” You ask after he introduces himself.

“Hey! We have the same student loans,” Wonwoo says.

“I’m not rich,” Seungcheol says.

“Yeah, but your family is, so basically the same thing,” Mingyu says.

“Not the same thing,” Seungcheol says, glaring at Mingyu, who, honestly, should have known better than to bring that up. But because it’s Mingyu, he laughs it off, and soon enough Seungcheol is smiling too.

“Joshua’s pretty broke too,” Minghao says. “He doesn’t make a million dollars for crying in front of a green screen.”

“I told you, my character has grown since then,” Seungkwan says.

“You cry on an actual different planet?” Seungcheol asks.

“I’m convinced none of you actually pay attention to the movies,” Seungkwan says with an overdramatic sigh. “We were on Earth for the entire movie.”

“Wasn’t there a bit where Gemma Chan yelled at someone in space?” Jihoon asks.

“Nerd,” he’s pretty sure he heard you whisper through a fake cough.

“I don’t know if that counts, she wasn’t actually there.” Seungkwan rounds on you. “I don’t suppose you remember?”

“Weren’t you technically in space right at the start?”

Seungkwan cocks his head, thinking back. “Huh, oh yeah. I forgot that.”

Jihoon has about a million questions that he wants to ask you, mostly related to Marvel movies and the fact that you’ve seen them all, even though you clearly don’t like the franchise. He curbs them because he knows you’ll call him a nerd, plus Seungkwan almost looks like he approves.

“Do I have a lot to look forward to today?” You ask. “Someone didn’t tell me where we're going, so I couldn’t look up any critic reviews.”

Seungkwan winces. “I don’t like looking at those.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “I saw at least three headlines talking about the prodigy dropping another masterful work of acting, or whatever they say about people like you.”

“Not a prodigy,” Seungkwan mutters.

“Either way, whatever Seungkwan is in, it’s good,” Seungcheol says, patting Seungkwan on the back. “And he gets paid.”

“That’s the most important part,” Wonwoo says.

Seungkwan looks like he wants to say more, but the director of the film waves him down and he’s forced to say a hasty goodbye, promising to meet with them later.

Jihoon feels your hand squeeze his tight enough to cut off his circulation. He turns to face you in the dim lighting, finding you with a disarmingly sweet smile.

“When were you going to tell me?” You ask, voice so sweet he almost believes you aren’t upset.

“I thought it would be fun if it was a surprise?” Jihoon says.

You lean in close to him, your breath mixing with his, smelling faintly like clementines and something else citrusy. For some godforsaken reason, Jihoon thinks you are about to kiss him. “You’re going to regret this.”

He opens his eyes and you are gone, laughing at some joke Mingyu made about PDA. Jihoon is vaguely aware it’s at his expense, something to do with how red his ears are, but he’s too busy trying to get his heart to at least pretend like it isn’t about to explode out of his chest. Why the hell did he think you were going to kiss him? Why is he disappointed that you didn’t? Jihoon wonders for the thousandth time if it’s not too late to call the whole thing off, but the lights in the theater are dimming and a spotlight is put on the director, who gives an unnecessarily long speech about what a labor of love this movie was to make, and then the movie is starting, and it’s too late to run away.

#seventeen x reader #woozi x reader #svt x reader #svt #seventeen #woozi #lee jihoon x reader #lee Jihoon #woozi angst #woozi fluff #lee jihoon angst #lee jihoon fluff #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen fic #as a matter of fact

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