#and ripping off a whole entire song every single word and note from one single specific person ... jesus christ xD)

[magpieinthemorning]

(I left out the stupid joke)

[boundinparchment]

Dream a Little Dream of Me - XXII

Celestia has a cruel sense of humor. He’s always known this, ever since his days as a student. But a soulmate? Really? Dottore/Female Reader Soulmate AU. Lore speculation, interpretations, etc. AO3 Chapter is Here.

Or at least, you thought nothing was out of place.  After all, you told yourself, what would a little radish know of distorted memories and what it meant to have and to know a fated bond?  The connection between you was intangible, woven by more than just pure coincidence and experimentation.  A child wouldn’t know anything about that.

The rationalization worked well enough at first.

This room used to look different, that much you remembered.  Where your instruments were now, in the middle of the room, used to be home to the chairs and table beneath the window.  It used to function as a sitting room.  But even then, the space was…not quite right.  You just couldn’t put your finger on it.

Until you went to grab a bound copy of a previous composition from one of the bookshelves and your eyes caught a little figurine, tucked away.  It looked…wrong.  You didn’t remember it being so worn, its paint so faded that it looked as if it spent too much time in the sun.

One inconsistency was like a single player out of tune in an entire orchestra; once you heard it, you couldn’t help but notice it even more.

Whenever you caught sight of the icy landscape outside, you could only marvel at how still it seemed.  Usually, there would have been a storm stirring up the powdery snow, blurring everything in its path in a haze of white.  But instead, you had a clear view of the mountains and trees and the wildlife that dared to live so close to the Palace, no howling wind tearing through the landscape.

Too peaceful.  A word that you never once associated with Snezhnaya.

Certain pieces began to shift to the forefront of your mind as you continued about your routines.

Forgetting your name over the course of your meetings, looking back, was forgivable enough; you’d met when you were children, after all.  But the years between your patron introducing you two in Fontaine and then meeting again in the garden in Snezhnaya weren’t that far apart.  

As busy as Dottore, as Zandik, was, his memory was infallible.

So infallible that he constructed whole dreams off of it.

Dreams…

When was the last time you’d dreamed?

You couldn’t remember.

The next time you rehearsed, you had an audience of one with rapt attention.  You’d never played for Zandik in your dreams , you distinctly remembered.  It was a part of you that you wanted to keep private and save for the potential moment you met.  Even after he’d guessed your instrument and profession, your music was always something that belonged to the waking world, you felt.  

If you took out the exceptions where you’d played in a more professional capacity, where he was one member of an audience, of course.  That you played for him at all must have surely meant that this was real, that he was nothing except your Zandik.

Not to mention that he was always so gentle with your hands, despite never knowing your instrument back then.  The analogies between humans and machines always felt apt and even in the waking world, you made a conscious effort to take care of yourself when you could.

Here, too, the analogy stuck; that was something uniquely him and only solidified that perhaps Nahida, whoever she truly was, didn’t understand the entire situation.

And yet every time you finally sat down to work on something, be it finishing up the draft you owed or getting caught up in a flow of inspiration, it was ripped from you.  You would finally be close to finishing a page, finalizing the notes in ink, and then you found yourself being pulled away to see what kinds of parts an expedition brought back to the Palace.  Other times, you would be lost in a melody, images in your head as you wove a story from pure song, and then fingers danced along your arms, beckoning you elsewhere.  

Your deadlines were imperative, Harbinger’s soulmate or not; if anyone could understand that, it would be Zandik.

But the more it continued on, the more frustrated you felt.  It was as if he didn’t want you to finish the piece.  As though your attention could not, should not , be anywhere else but on him.

What was it about your craft that kept people from respecting your boundaries?

If you were to do the same, you knew he wouldn’t appreciate it.  You knew the consequences and had paid them more than once until you realized it was better to simply not .  So why did he do it to you?

One particular evening, you held your tongue as he interrupted you, warm lips to your neck as his hands took yours and gently pulled your pen from your fingers.  You hadn’t slept well the night before and the entire day had been spent playing catch up in vain hope that perhaps today would be the day you could submit the copy to the printer.  Needless to say, it still hadn’t happened.

“Zandik…” you whispered, exacerbated.  “This isn’t going to finish itself.”

“You’re not beholden to anyone , you know.  They wait on you, not the other way around.”

His tone was sharp in its arrogance.  You sighed as he pulled you away from your desk, arms lifting you with ease.  He smelt of mint, cedar wood undercut with the distinct tang of hot metal.  It wasn’t unpleasant but it did nothing for your mood, constantly reminded of your place in the work-life-imbalance.

“I can walk, Zandik” you protested.

“Is it wrong to want to hold you close when I so rarely get to see you during the day as of late?”

You see me every day…in fact, you can’t seem to not see me…like you won’t let me out of your sight…

If you fought back, it would only result in additional ego-soothing after guilt knotted your stomach for hours afterward.  Both of you worked professions that demanded passion as well as skill.  It wasn’t fair to him when he was clearly trying to make the most of what little time you had together.  

You conceded, as you did every time, melting into his arms

What was it Nahida had said?  You were two sides of the same coin.  

And both sides needed one another, didn’t they?

[agent-cupcake]

Devil's Bouquet

Pairing: Emet-Selch (Final Fantasy XIV) x f!reader

Synopsis: After spending your entire life sheltered from all evils in your mother’s palace, you find yourself in a very unfortunate situation where the only option is to make a deal with one of the dangerously powerful Unseen. 

Warnings: explicit smut, semi-consensual kidnap/imprisonment, dubcon/noncon

Tags: alternate universe-fae/gods, minor violence, unhealthy dynamics, slow burn, angst, cunnilingus, blow jobs, mental manipulation

Notes: This has been kind of a coping fic for me bc I have not been doing great since, like, April. That might make it less appealing to some people, I’m not necessarily breaking new ground. It was originally the sequel to Vae Victis but then I decided I wanted to write my ultimate faerie contracted kidnap story and be Emet-Selch's pet princess. The only song I’ve listened to in the past month is 嘘塗  so that’s the tone. 

Word Count: 41k

I.

[Bloodied Geraniums]

Trying to escape on horseback had backfired. Running the whole way through the woods would have been impossible, but riding until the horse hurt itself and you had to abandon it had left you sore. It made running now that much harder, that much more painful. Not to mention that the boots you stole off of the body of a dead guard were too big, stuffed with his sweaty, rolled up socks in the toes so you could move. They were a twisted ankle waiting to happen. With each step, the charm hanging from your neck pounded against your sweat-slicked chest like a second heartbeat, matching the steady crash of your desperate escape. Those things only registered in the back of your mind. Terror and panic overrode nearly everything. Every sense, every thought, every bodily function, all of it fell away with the primal instinct of prey. Run. Run. Run, don’t stop.

If you didn’t, they would catch you.

They were getting closer, you could hear them even over the blood roaring in your ears, over the violent thumping of your heart. You had to keep running, you had to somehow find safety. But the ones that pursued you were catching up. Releasing the horse hadn’t bought you as much time as you hoped. You just had to run, keep running, as long as you ran, as long as you didn’t stop-

Your foot, loose in its leather and wool casing, snagged on a root. Just like that, you were tumbling and rolling across the painfully hard ground, the world tilting and spinning until a tree brought you to a painful halt on your side.

Red like fire. Red like blood. Your pain was bright, urgent, poisonous red and you choked on it, sobbing and gasping and shaking as you laid there. Everything hurt, biting and stinging and aching and awful.

You blinked tears from your eyes, trying to clear your sideways view of the woods. How far had you come? Where were you? A haze of light above the tree line was visible, evidence of the civilization you had the vague idea of running towards, but you didn’t know how close it was. You could count on your fingers the number of times you had left your mother’s palace, let alone navigated the frightening wilds of her kingdom in the dark. There was no time to try and puzzle it out. You needed to get moving.

Run. That singular, animalistic impulse had you forcing yourself upright. Onto your knees, your shoulder scraping against the bark. One foot on the ground, the tree ripping into the skin of your arm as you pushed yourself upward. You took a single step forward only to immediately crumple, an agonized yelp tearing out of your throat as you hit the ground again. Something was wrong with your ankle. Broken? Twisted? The pain was so aggressive, so fresh and urgent, that it made you sick. For a second, it was all you could do to sit there and shake, panting as you tried to get ahold of yourself. Then, tentatively, you tried to roll the foot. Even that slight movement made you sob. You couldn’t run anymore.

Crashing through the forest, you could hear the men who were chasing you, hear them closing in, uncaring about how much noise they were making for all they believed in your ability to evade. Tears filled your eyes and spilled over in hot streaks down your cheeks, mixing with the sweat on your neck and chest. Although you searched your brain for some sort of answer, some solution that would get you back on your feet, there was nothing. All you could feel was the encroaching doom, the oppressive approach of evil. What could you do? Shaking and panting, your head aching fiercely from hitting it and your hands and knees scraped up and imbedded with sticks and rocks, you couldn’t run, you couldn’t think. You were useless.

Voices began to reach you, their booming words difficult to make out over the roaring blood in your ears.

Hide. You had to hide. Awkwardly, painfully, you lurched onto your skinned hands and knees and circled to the opposite side of the tree. It was big, wide and heavy with summer growth, surrounded by a fan of thick roots rippling in waves above the spongy grass. You curled into a ball between the roots, your bloodied back scraping the bark and knees drawn up to your chest.

Another voice said something. How many of them were there? Two? Three? One would be enough to overpower you. You curled further into yourself, biting down your whimper at the pain caused by stretching the skin of your back. The rough bark had shredded it in places, tearing right past your thin nightgown. Stealing boots had been hard enough, in the initial assault, there hadn’t been any time for you to find proper clothes. You wouldn’t have made it out of the palace at all if your maidservant, Elsie, hadn’t hurried you through the servant’s passages behind the walls. You wondered if she was still alive. Her last words to you had been desperate as she slipped a chain over your head, a necklace with a charm. “Once you’re away from the palace,” she told you with a pale, grim face, “call to him, and he will come.”

In the frenzy of your escape, you’d forgotten about her final gift, but now you pulled it out from beneath the soaked collar of your nightgown. The charm was made from engraved bits of bone and metal, slick with sweat. You held it between your skinned palms, the sharp edges digging into the open gashes.

The Imperial Hunt was getting closer.

Call to him, and he will come.

Sweat slowly crawled into your open wounds, making your back sting. It wasn’t the sickening pain of your ankle, but something far more annoying and distracting. You wanted to move, but didn’t dare. They were still talking. Unaware of where you were? That wouldn’t last.

Call to him, and he will come. Elsie had been a heretic then. In any other circumstance, that would have been distressing, but now it was the least of your concerns. Now that you were no longer within your mother’s protective domain, the charm seemed to pulse softly, emitting a warmth of its own. After a lifetime of being warned of the Unseen threat, of the evil committed by the false gods, you shouldn’t have so much as considered the suggestion. Even holding it was wrong. Profane. Calling upon the aid of things best left alone was a cardinal sin, sure to damn the soul of anyone who tried. The Unseen weren’t gods who provided miracles, but powerful and dangerous entities that disguised their use of illicit magic as holy acts.

You held the charm even tighter, pressed right above your pounding heart. No matter how many times you were told of their evil, you had never been told that the Unseen lacked power. They granted wishes. It was in the details that their malicious intent manifested itself. But why would Elsie instruct you to call for help if it were too dangerous? She wasn’t just a maidservant, she was your friend. By the mercy of the star, you hoped she was alive.

The footsteps of your pursuers were right on the other side of the tree, crunching and crashing and careless.

Death should have taken you as a martyr, as the princess who refused to give in, who accepted that she had done all she could. But you were terrified, your skin prickling with sweat and head aching and tongue dry and the awful pinching sensation making you worry you would piss yourself. It didn’t matter if the miracle you received was false, as long as it worked.

“Unseen one,” you muttered, the words torn up with your gasping breaths, barely audible and thick with the taste of blood that clung to the back of your throat. Your lips grazed the warm, flat surface of the charm. It smelled of fire smoke and volcanic rock. “Hear me, heed me—”

“There you are,” a loud voice called, breaking off your near silent prayer. A scream left your mouth before the fear even registered, your body jerking away from the surprise on instinct and the charm dropping from your hands.

The other one said something you couldn’t make out with blood roaring in your ears, coming around your tree from the opposite side. Maybe they assumed you would run. If only.

The first Imperial pulled you to your feet before you could try to struggle. Your ankle gave out immediately, and you couldn’t help letting out a sharp yelp of pain. The soldier held your weight without any problem. Mindlessly, fearfully, you fought his grip, desperately trying to escape from him again. He had the gall to laugh, sour breath hitting your face.

“Please,” you begged. Not him, not the evil man that held you upright. No, you closed your eyes and reached out into the dark, into the unknown. “Unseen one. Please help me.”

The other Imperial soldier was saying something, but you didn’t know what. He’d picked up your charm, his expression twisting in the light of his lantern when he realized what it was. They were afraid of it, you could tell that much. He tried to ask you something, but you had no idea what he was saying. It had to do with the charm, you thought. Realizing you weren’t coherent enough to answer, he threw it as far as he could into the darkness. The other man, the one keeping you upright mostly by one arm, shoved you against the tree. You yelped, unable to get your footing to get out of the leverage he had. He took advantage of that to pull a gag into your mouth, roughly securing it along with what felt like a fistful of your sweaty hair. Gauntleted hands went to gather your wrists, likely meaning to bind them as well.

After the terrifying, exhausting, painful night you had endured, you wouldn’t have thought you had any energy to spare. But, for some reason, the idea of being tied and helpless brought out a final burst of fighting spirit. You bucked against the tree with all your strength, turning to strike out with your nails to the cheek of the man holding you, thrashing hard enough when his grip went lax to topple painfully to the ground. From there, you threw yourself forward on your elbows and knees, circling the tree to the other side in a filthy scramble through the dirt.

It was brighter in the clearing, moonlight illuminating the space between the trees. Even terrified past the edge of sanity, you had enough reason to know that what you had done was pointless. Pulling the gag down so you didn’t choke on your convulsing gasps for air left you with only one arm to crawl. That gave out quickly, sending you chin-first into the ground. You made an attempt to roll onto your back and sit up, but the dizziness was too intense. There was nothing but to wait the agonizingly long few seconds for the imperials to come out from behind the tree and punish you for your attack. You could only hope death was swift and that Elsie and your mother had managed to escape.

This wasn’t a terrible place to die. In the moonlight, in the tall grass, surrounded by the fresh heads of wildflowers and beneath the whispering leaves of the forest trees. You laid in the growth of spring, your senses filled with the thick green smell of it, the heavy earthy odor of dirt.

“Oh, dear,” someone said, a lilting accent that you could barely hear over the war drum thumping of your blood. “It seems you have met a most terrible fate.”

Your eyes jumped open, focusing on the figure rounding the tree where you expected your monstrous pursuers. Just one man. In the silvery lighting, the most you could make out was his startlingly pale skin and dark robes. But there was something odd, something that had your sweaty, bloody skin prickling. The way the dark crackled around him, the way it seemed to draw inwards in the same way pale colors could glow in the sunshine.

“There’s no need to look so frightened. Those that pursued you are a threat no longer,” he told you lightly. You squinted into the darkness at his back, but the shadows remained still. Did that mean he had killed them? The stranger held no weapons, but you had a feeling he wasn’t lying, something about the tingling sense of danger he invited made you sure he was more than capable. “You’ve naught to say to me?” he prompted.

That, at least, made you realize that this was real. Real enough. You cleared your throat, licking your dry lips with an equally dry tongue. “Who are you?” you asked hoarsely.

“You ought to know,” the stranger said. “After all, it was you that summoned me.”

You blinked. Once, twice, your mind scrambling desperately to understand what was happening, to decide if you were in danger or not. “You are the—one of the Unseen?”

“I am. Although, you might better know me Emet-Selch,” he told you, speaking as if you should have known the significance of his name. “I know you, of course. You are the beloved vernal princess of this fair kingdom, driven from her palace and reduced to nothing more than cowering prey begging for the aid of her mother’s sworn enemy. It truly is a pitiful thing to witness.” In contrast to his words, Emet-Selch’s tone was warm, almost playful. “But I have not come to gawk at your misery. You have a reason for calling upon me, do you not?”

Something broke within you at the vague offer. It didn’t matter who he was, not if he could help you. “Help me, please,” you begged, trying to get up, to not seem so powerless. Your body protested violently, forcing you back down. “They-they-they attacked… Im-imperials. You can stop them, can’t you? I need-”

“Calm down,” he said, holding up a hand. “I understand your predicament perfectly well.” He took a few steps forward, his tall form blotting out the moonlight. “You are asking me to cast out the imperial threat from your Kingdom.”

“Yes,” you agreed, desperately trying to stop crying, to get yourself under control. “And my-my mother. Please save her.”

“Have you no regard for your own life? With such dire injuries, your trek to safety would likely be an agonizing one. Who knows if you’ll make it.”

“Can you help me too?” you asked.

“Oh, yes. I can easily see your wishes granted,” Emet-Selch told you. “For a price, of course. What will you offer to me in return?”

“I don’t… I don’t know…” you said, your teeth practically chattering from how hard you were shaking. “Please, I’m begging you to help me.”

“And as much as I appreciate the spectacle, it is, unfortunately, of little value to me,” Emet-Selch told you. “Plainly speaking, the terms and conditions of mutually agreed upon deals—with some exception, as you should well know by now—are the guiding principles by which genuine power is necessarily bound. If you are not interested in forging a contract that benefits us both, I’m afraid I can be of no assistance.”

You looked up at him, your mind whirling with that explanation. Trying to work out exactly what he meant was impossible, but you understood enough to feel despair. “I don’t have anything,” you said helplessly. Which, maybe you did, but you couldn’t make your brain work. It sluggishly flipped through the same few thoughts, constantly skipping back to the fear and the pain and the bottomless confusion. “If you help me, my mother will-”

He sighed heavily, cutting you off. “If there was aught I desired from that infuriating woman, it would be to her that I offered my aid.”

More tears welled up in your eyes, indistinguishable from the sweat. Frustrated and exhausted, your body nearly convulsed with hiccupping sobs and your panicked, winded breathing.

“Please,” you begged. “I’ll give you anything.”

“Anything?” Emet-Selch repeated sharply, his expression changing as if that was what he was waiting for. Cast in shadows and looming above you, there was no pretense that would make you believe the figure you were dealing with had good intentions. But the world around you was sour, prickling sweat and pain and blood and you couldn’t think, not with your fevered, exhausted brain.

“Anything,” you said.

II.

[Spurred Petal Columbine]

An utter lack of understanding was the first thing you really felt. Rather, it was the first thing you were aware of feeling. Forcing your way out of the dark, you blinked once. Twice. Rapidly, trying to interpret the new sensory information as it flooded your mind. “Wha-ngh…” That was your voice, you realized belatedly. A question you weren’t coherent enough to know why you were asking.

Wildly, your eyes swirled across the ceiling, the walls, and the room you were lying in. It was finely furnished and decorated, oozing wealth and opulence. Art lined the walls and furniture dotted the large room, clothes and a random assortment of things giving personality to the place. Someone lived here, clearly. Focusing on those details helped you wake up a bit more, causing more memories to shuffle back into your consciousness. The sound of voices. Fear. The forest. Pain, agony, terror. Something else. Someone else. You shied away from those memories, shutting your eyes to the light and groaning in distress, your heart picking up its pace.

Breathing deeply to try and relax, you wiggled your fingers and toes, moving around a bit to get a sense of your body. Sore, but sound. Your ankle didn’t hurt at all, not like you expected it to. With another groan, you opened your eyes and forced your body into something like coordination. But sitting up made your teeth grit with dizzy pain, sending you back into the pillows.

Part of you wanted to close your eyes and go back to sleep, give into the hearty pull of exhaustion. Even though you had slept, it hadn’t been nearly enough to make up for the night of terror. But, no. That was a bad idea, you didn’t even know where you were. The fact that you weren’t in the palace alone was enough to terrify you because it was so completely and utterly wrong. Convincing yourself to wake up, you got your arms beneath you to sit upright. This time, you managed to remain sitting, even if it did make your head spin painfully. There weren’t any windows for you to tell what time it was, your only indication was the sharp pang of hunger in your stomach. You looked around again, trying to get a better read on the situation. The room was far finer than even your own, though much darker and elegant in style.

Maybe it was better to be exhausted. The layer separation from reality kept panic from really and truly consuming you. Or maybe that was just your brain’s natural inclination to deny the things that didn’t make sense, to create a stabilizing structure of normalcy so you could function, that happened sometimes when you fell asleep in the garden and woke up confused that the day had passed, the sun dropping low on the horizon. But this was different from that. Much worse. Much more dangerous. There was something you weren’t remembering, you could feel the anxious way it ate at the back of your mind, the alarm it invited. “Still in bed, I see,” a familiar voice said, making you jump. Your eyes snapped open to confirm the impossible. You had been all alone only seconds before, but now you weren’t. “I suppose I shan’t begrudge you that after all you endured.”

Just like that, everything that had happened, everything your brain had attempted to give you a moment’s peace from, returned in full force. The attack, your escape, being chased. The one you called to for help, and the deal you made.

Oh.

“It’s you,” you breathed out. Emet-Selch looked over his shoulder, meeting your eye for the first time.

“Were you expecting otherwise?” he asked, the question sharp on the edge of derisive.

“No,” you replied, stumbling over your thoughts as you tried to sort them all out. “I just…”

Emet-Selch waved away whatever explanation you weren’t giving. “I see that sleep had little effect on your mental acuity,” he said. Then, with a laborious sigh, “Mayhap a meal will help with that. All of the excitement must have left you ravenous.” With nothing more than a casual wave of his hand, a full plate of food appeared on the table. Just like that. The display of casual magic made your heart sink. This was real. You were in the domain of the Unseen.

But fear wasn’t strong enough to cancel out the animal instinct of base need. Although you wanted to believe that you had more self control, the smell of food had you scrambling to get out of bed, your stomach cramping with hunger. Your uncoordinated, sore limbs didn’t move the way you wanted them to. You all but fell onto the floor in a flurry of sheets, the impact only slightly lessened by the rug.

“Eager, are we?” Emet-Selch asked, amused as you stood up and steadied yourself. “Clumsy as you are, take care that you don’t injure yourself. Mending your wounds was tiresome enough the first time.”

“I’m just a little dizzy,” you said, trying and failing to hide the defensive tone as you straightened your clothes. You hadn’t noticed it before, but your torn, ruined dress had been replaced by a fresh nightgown. If you could call it that. Fine, flowing fabric and lace detailing elevated the garment in a way that seemed excessive for sleepwear, almost like an actual dress. But not quite. Without the underlying structure garments, even the relatively modest cut did little to feel proper. Especially when you were alone with a man.

No. Not a man, one of the Unseen.

Emet-Selch watched you walk to the table in a way that had your shoulders curling uncomfortably. He wasn’t a man, and it wasn’t your body that you should have been worried about. It was different. Not that such reminders lessened your embarrassment, or kept your hands from trying to smooth down what was probably a bad case of bedhead. You sat down, thinking that you shouldn’t have been so compliant, that there were far more important things you needed to do. But you didn’t know how to approach that, could barely string the words together in your own head.

“Thank you,” you said. The meal was simple, bread and some type of stew, but you were hungry enough that it didn’t matter what it was.

“I’d have nothing to gain by starving you,” Emet-Selch responded, as if annoyed by your thanks. An apology jumped to your tongue, but you bit it down. You were still trying to wake up, your thoughts sluggish and confused, and you had no idea what had irritated him in the first place.

Besides, you were painfully hungry, and the food was warm. If you were going to manage this situation, you needed every bit of strength you could get. Or, that’s what you told yourself to justify the fact that you didn’t even hesitate before tearing into the bread.

Emet-Selch sat in one of the plush sitting chairs, leaning back with his eyes closed. Waiting for you to finish? You needed to ask about what happened, but you couldn’t get a read on the mood to know if that was a good idea or not. Looking at him didn’t help. With his face entirely illuminated, you still found yourself at a loss. The Unseen were often depicted as either otherworldly beauties or wretched demons, but he looked very human to you. It wasn’t like it had been in the clearing, where he was illuminated only in the silvery outline of moonlight, wearing shadow like a cloak. Now you could tell that he looked older, his features sharp and severe. His terrible posture indicated an age that his face didn’t. Not unattractive, but certainly not angelic. There was something off putting and blunt about the curve of his nose and high cheekbones. Haughty, nearly aristocratic.

It occurred to you that this was the first time you had ever been alone with someone who wasn’t your mother or trusted servants, the first time you were out of the palace without the supervision of a strict guard.

“Do you see aught that interests you?” Emet-Selch asked, his eyes opening as if he could feel your stare, that pale yellow gaze meeting yours before you looked away.

“Sorry,” you muttered, daintily wiping your mouth now that you were finished eating as if trying to prove that you were a well mannered lady. It was fine. He wasn’t a man, the awkward shame you felt was unreasonable. After downing half the glass of water, you smoothed your hands over your hair again, unable to meet his eye as you carefully considered your question.

“You’ll be pleased to know that your kingdom has been saved,” Emet-Selch told you, answering your question unprompted. “With any hope, those in your mother’s council will rethink to whom their loyalty is best served.” A little smile twisted the corner of his mouth. “It is most unwise to rely upon powers better left well alone.”

“And my mother?” you asked, your voice cracking on the unspoken question. “And… And Elsie? My maidservant, do you know if she’s okay?”

“No, I do not. It is possible, a number of the staff managed to barricade themselves in. However, your mother is very much alive and well,” Emet-Selch said. “I saw to it myself.”

“May I see her?”

“No,” he told you without hesitation or remorse.

You blinked, taken aback. “Why?”

He hesitated as if surprised by your question. “What do you mean, why? That was not a part of our contract.”

The sharp rebuke threw you off, the coldness of his tone making your chest clench. “But-”

“If you recall,” Emet-Selch said, cutting you off. “Your conditions were that I saw your mother and kingdom rescued from the Imperial threat. Though it is the nature of your ilk to have considerable difficulty retaining truthful information in the face of an undesirable matter, bethink yourself of what it was you swore to me in exchange.”

You flushed at the petty gibe, frowning. “I haven’t forgotten.”

“Aloud, if you will.”

You met his eyes for a long moment, eyebrows furrowed as you tried to figure out what he was looking for. What you had first thought was shadow now appeared to be kohl lining his eyes, adding even more contrast to the impossibly pale yellow of his irises. They sparkled with steady, expectant amusement.

“Me,” you muttered, looking away. Last night—assuming it had been last night—there had been a great swell of virtuousness in the self sacrifice of trading your soul for the safety of others. Exhausted and broken and terrified, you felt as if you were doing the only right thing, the only good thing. But sitting here, you felt dirty, and like you had done something very wrong. Something worth condemnation. Swearing your soul to be used by one of the Unseen would do worse than damn you. Although your understanding was limited mainly to cautionary tales, you knew the stories of what the Unseen did. He would corrupt your soul, twist it into unrecognizable shapes. A fate worse than death. And if you had been even the slightest bit cleverer, you might have been able to talk your way around it, to make a deal with a loophole big enough for you to slip through like a hero in a storybook. But you hadn’t. You had made a sweeping, blanket oath and now you had no way out.

“This conversation has illustrated quite clearly who benefited more from the arrangement,” Emet-Selch said. “Regardless, what’s done is done.”

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” you argued, trying to hide the wobble of your lower lip. “She’ll never know what happened to me.”

“Oh, you needn’t concern yourself with that,” he said, waving a hand. “I told her what became of you, her efflorescent and brave little princess. I am sorry to say that she took the news rather poorly. ”

“But I didn’t have any other choice,” you said. “I did it to save everyone. You told her that, didn’t you?”

“Indeed. I told her all about your daring act of heroism,” he said, speaking like it didn’t matter, like it was a trivial sacrifice. Emet-Selch acted as if everything terrible thing that had happened was nothing more than a game. “But I’m afraid that it changes little. So strong is her distaste for me that she would rather accept death or ruin.” His shoulders lifted in a shrug. “So petty.”

Your heart dropped, empty chest clenching. Of course your mother would think you had done the wrong thing. Your entire life she had kept you safely within the realm of her protective veil, a barrier that prevented the Unseen from entering. You should have found another way.

“Mayhap I did stray a bit too far into the lurid details,” Emet-Selch allowed a moment later. Before you could ask what that meant, he splayed his hands out as if to express innocence. “Not without reason, mind you. I assumed she would wish to know the fate of her beloved daughter. But my transparency was for naught. She has always been a proud, irrational woman.”

That threw you off all over again, a new tailspin with a new set of uncomfortable questions. “You know my mother?”

Emet-Selch’s head tilted, eyes wide in theatrical surprise. “Has she never told you?” he asked without a shred of curiosity, it seemed like he knew fully well that you had never been told of such things. Your eyebrows furrowed, a truly terrible cold sensation sinking deeper and deeper into your stomach you realized exactly how little you understood what you had gotten yourself into, what you had sworn yourself into.

“Told me what?” you asked.

“Oh, I see,” Emet-Selch said, drawing out the words with another smirk. “Well, it is a long tale, and one that I’ve no patience to tell. Suffice it to say, she has oft made a nuisance of herself.”

For a long moment, you didn’t say anything, trying to process that information.

“So that’s why you did this?” you finally asked. “Because of… my mother? You lied to me?”

“I do not lie,” Emet-Selch said sharply. “Least of all when a contract is involved. And in any case, it would be impossible for me to do so. Any additional benefits gleaned as a result of our deal are merely incidental.”

“But omission is a lie, isn’t it?” you pushed. “I didn’t know-”

“Do not blame me for your ignorance, girl,” Emet-Selch said, his voice twisting with disdain. “Need I remind you that it was you who called upon me for help? Help, might I add, that I gave in excess of any stated obligation. If you feel that strong a need to shirk responsibility, mayhap you ought to wonder why your mother would hide something as important as her own dealings with the oh-so wicked Unseen. Her hypocrisy is rivaled only by her self-righteousness.”

“Then tell me now,” you said, your voice stronger than you felt. “I deserve to know what this has to do with me.”

“You make demands of me?” Emet-Selch asked, his voice rising in pitch to follow your own. He exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Oh, you truly are your mother’s daughter. Entitlement fills the void left by your lack of sense. If you are displeased with the terms of our contract, it is an affliction of your own lack of forethought.”

“But I had no choice!” you exclaimed.

“Of course you had a choice,” Emet-Selch said, his irritation quelled in favor of readopting a lilting, mocking tone. “Nobody compelled you to call for me. You were not forced into accepting my terms.”

He paused to see if you would object, but you didn’t. If you were honest, you couldn’t deny either of those things.

“Besides,” Emet-Selch continued, “ours was a mutually beneficial deal, was it not? Unless you would have preferred to die in that forest, ravaged and left for dead by those boorish imperial thugs while your kingdom fell to ruin.”

“No,” you allowed, your posture drooping.

“Then you are of the opinion that your life has more value than that of all those that would be taken by an Imperial occupation.”

“I don’t think that,” you told him, your voice slightly stronger with conviction.

“Your dissatisfaction, then, is of your own making,” he said. “I have seen that you are safe and sheltered, I have even given you a measure of patience and care that far exceeds what I offer to others.” He paused. “If this is to be my only reward, I cannot help but to feel that my efforts have been for naught. I may as well not try at all.”

There was really nothing you could say in response to that. He was right. You had agreed to this, consented to swearing your soul away. In the moment, you barely had the capacity to think of living through the night, let alone what the future would be. Contemplating death now made you regret eating, a sick feeling swelling up in your throat. But a deal was a deal. It was almost more than you could handle. It probably would have been if you weren’t still clinging to the slightest shred of unreality, to the faintest notion that this wasn’t happening. But if it was, then you couldn’t cry and pout like a child.

“Where are we?” you asked, collecting yourself as best you could and moving on to an easier topic.

“Home, in a sense,” Emet-Selch responded calmly, as if his temper had never risen. “Or as near to it as is possible.”

“Your home?” you asked, surprised despite how obvious it was. Even with the opulence and strangeness, this place seemed too mundane, too normal for a being like him to simply live within. “Why did you bring me here?”

“It’s certainly more comfortable than other parts of my domain,” he responded. “I can’t imagine you would fare too well amidst the flames.”

The way he smiled while saying that struck a cold, uncomfortable chord within you. It wasn’t much of an answer, either.

“For how long?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Emet-Selch asked, head tilting slightly.

“Well, I…” You hesitated, the cold sinking deeper.

“Ohhh,” Emet-Selch said, drawing out the sound with dramatized comprehension that managed to embarrass you before he even spoke. “A girl of your bearing would find it inconceivable to live with a man to whom she is not wed.”

“No. I know it’s not like that,” you said, hating the blush that his words invited. He wasn’t a man, no matter how human he looked. He was aiming to embarrass you, that was easy to see. “I just thought that with our deal, you would…” You trailed off, unable to piece the words together.

“You will remain here,” he said with a sense of bored authority, like he was talking to a child. You felt your insides twist uncomfortably at the idea. Part of you wished he would just get it over with, that you didn’t have to suffer the tension of knowing your grim fate. But the other part was relieved, eager to cling to life in whatever form it took.

“What will I do until you… you know.” It was impossible to say it aloud. You cleared your throat. “Am I just to wait? How long will I be here until…Until then?”

Emet-Selch didn’t answer at first, staring at you with the strangest expression of befuddlement. “Until what, pray tell?”

“Until you take�� take my soul,” you said softly, cringing at the words.

He stared at you, seemingly expectant for some elaboration. That look of confusion was new, although you didn’t prefer it over the knowing smug smile. In a way, the silence and slightly narrowed eyes as if he were trying to solve some sort of puzzle were worse.

“What?” you asked, getting more and more uncomfortable under the weight of that look.

“I can’t tell if you’re serious,” he said. “You are, aren’t you.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Yes, of course you’re wrong,” he responded. “But it is not your ignorance that I find so shocking.” Emet-Selch paused, shaking his head. “Have you truly been so cosseted that you would misinterpret what I desire of you? Forgive me, but I fail to see the ambiguity of my demand. If it were your soul that I wanted, I would have told you. No, I say precisely what I mean, and I mean what I say. As per my conditions, you have agreed to give me yourself entire. In soul and flesh.” He paused, giving you an uncomfortable once over. “I did wonder why you seemed so unconcerned with your vulnerable state of dress.”

That immediately drew all of your awareness to how little you were wearing, and the idea that he had been the one to dress you. You squirmed, crossing your arms. Your cheeks burned furiously, both with embarrassment and shame. “You don’t mean it,” you said, trying to sound firm. “You don’t really mean to say that you brought me here for such… such a vulgar reason.”

“Why ever not?” Emet-Selch asked casually. “Yours is a beauty known throughout the land. The beloved princess, a paragon of virtue, and the manifestation of spring itself according to those lucky enough to see her.” His eyes scanned you without shame, without pretense. And he smirked, looking back to your face to drink in your mortification. “Similarities to your mother aside, even I must acknowledge the appeal.”

You let out a heavy breath. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked. “I had no idea… How was I supposed to know? I wouldn’t…”

“I have made no attempts to obfuscate my intentions,” Emet-Selch said, brushing off your horror and discomfort. “I’m beginning to fear that my transparency matters not. If your innocence extends to all intimacy, mayhap you do not know what I desire of you.”

That stopped you dead, your thoughts forcefully redirected. “I… I do,” you told him, the words too loud, somehow. “I know…” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. “I do know what you’re talking about if that’s-”

“You’re mumbling,” he said.

“I-I just,” you tried again, your throat tight. You could hardly think about him touching you, let alone talk about being intimate, knowing those uncomfortably pale yellow eyes were fixed on your expression. And you weren’t capable. Physically, mentally, “I—I can’t,” you finally got out clearly, your voice loud enough to be heard. “If you want me to… I can’t.”

“Tell me,” Emet-Selch asked, his voice light in contrast to your own forced speech, “what is it that you think I want?”

“I’m not stupid,” you said, glaring at the floor to avoid the way the statement made him smirk. “I know what men want.”

“While I would be most interested in hearing what it is you have been told men want and why you would even think to compare me to them, I feel compelled to point out that you’re conflating a lack of experience with a lack of ability. I assure you, the two are not the same.” Emet-Selch let that settle a moment before making a thoughtful sound, his eyes burning into your skin. “Though it is not my usual preference, your inexperience isn’t a problem. In sooth, I would rather you to be unsullied by the touch of another. You are mine to mold, to shape howsoever I choose.”

“Don’t say that,” you muttered, at a complete and utter loss for what else to say. Sex wasn’t necessarily a foreign concept to you. You were curious and decently well read and had nothing but time on your hands in the palace. Elsie, a woman far more experienced in the world than yourself, had always been forthright with material and information. She said it was better to know, that curiosity was normal, that it was important women knew what they liked because men didn’t care to learn. But it didn’t feel like that was what Emet-Selch was talking about. Or, not the only thing he was talking about.

“Why not?” Emet-Selch asked innocently. “I would hate for there to be any further misunderstandings on your part.”

“I told you that I understand,” you insisted. “What I mean is that I-I’m not ready.” You set your jaw with what you hoped was conviction, hands flat to keep them from shaking. “I can’t.”

“I should say not, worked up as you are,” Emet-Selch said, amusement warming his voice.

You shook your head, panicked. “This, all of this, is just wrong. I didn’t know, and I…”

“I find your reaction most fascinating,” he noted. “You remained calm when you operated under the impression that I had the intention to claim your soul, but object with such vigor to the idea that I desire you physically. Given your mother’s woefully misguided teachings, I would have thought the opposite to be true.”

That only made everything worse. He was right, your priorities were twisted. You should have been relieved, even if only a little. Compared to the soul, the body was nothing. A vessel, a housing of blood and bone for you to be a physical part of the star. “It’s-it’s different,” you got out. “This isn’t how I thought… How things should be…”

“Would you have me follow the rituals of your kind?” Emet-Selch asked.

“No,” you said, shaking your head in a panic. He laughed at that answer, at the way your eyes kept flicking up to him for stolen seconds at a time before returning to your hands, or the floor, or the empty plate, or anything that wasn’t him.

“Oh, I see. You would prefer that I woo you. Given your status and apparent inclination towards the romantic, I suppose you expect a suitor to lavish you with gifts, to recite poetry that expresses his undying devotion.” Emet-Selch studied your reaction, mirth dancing in his eyes. “That is the way things ought to be, is it not?”

“No,” you said, looking away in embarrassment. It wasn’t as if any man had ever approached you in that way. Your mother had never expressed any desire to see you married, or to even allow you to interact with men. You read about those things, sure, but they had no place in your life. “That’s not what I meant.”

“That rosy hue on your cheeks says otherwise.”

You looked away, hiding behind your hair. There was nothing to say, really. Denial would just make it worse. Emet-Selch sighed in displeasure.

“Very well. Come here.”

“What?” you asked, looking up. “Why?”

He raised an eyebrow, daring you to refuse. “Would you rather I fetch you myself?”

“No,” you answered, getting to your feet despite your apprehension. You approached him with halting steps, searching for any sign of danger. Emet-Selch hadn’t even stood up. You hesitated outside of arms reach, shifting from foot to foot nervously.

“Give me your hand,” he said, outstretching his own.

He had produced a ring. Shiny and smooth and black. It wasn’t set with any gems. Rather, the entire thing looked to be made of sparkling stone rather than metal. A ring like the type a man would give you when asking for your hand in marriage, a ring that symbolized love and union between two people.

“Where did you get that?” you asked, your mouth dry.

“Your hand,” Emet-Selch prompted, clearly put out with your hesitation. “Now.”

The dangerous tone of his voice pushed you into compliance, offering your left hand. It was frightening, not surprising, that his dwarfed your own. His fingers would easily overlap if he were to grab you by the wrist.

“You needn’t look so frightened,” he told you. “As long as you behave yourself and refrain from boring me, there’s no reason we can’t get along. In time, we might even come to take pleasure in each other’s company.”

“I will,” you began, unable to meet his eye, “I will honor the deal we made. But I will never like or trust you. Never.”

Emet-Selch shrugged. “Very well,” he said, nudging your finger upward to slip on the ring. Although a piece of jewelry made from stone should have been horribly uncomfortable, it was an easy fit, no less comfortable than the metal bands you occasionally wore when dressed up. The polished black stone shone and winked in the light, the otherworldly material contrasted oddly against the texture of your skin.

“Your kind use the word eternity without any idea of what it means. It is nothing more than another oath you so easily break,” Emet-Selch said, admiring the way the ring looked on your finger. It felt far more like a shackle than anything else. “In truth, eternity is far from a romantic promise. It is a curse.”

“You’re wrong,” you told him.

He hesitated before looking up at you, smirking. “Oh, and I suppose you’re an expert on such things,” he teased.

“No, but I know you’re wrong,” you said, feeling a little spurt of confidence in the argument. “Real, true love is eternal. I will always love my mother, and she will always love me. Even if we die, that won’t ever go away. That’s not a curse.”

“It is,” Emet-Selch said, his voice softening. “If there truly is love in her heart for you, it will torment her to the end of her days.”

That made your chest clench painfully, a terrible reminder of your situation. “You’re wrong,” you said again, your voice softer. “I envy your ignorance,” he said. You pulled your hand away from him, frowning. There was something melancholic to those words, an edge of honesty that made you feel a pang of sadness. But that was wrong. Feeling sympathy of any sort for him was wrong.

“Well then,” Emet-Selch said, his voice returning to its unconcerned lilt. “It is customary now for us to kiss, is it not?”

Your stomach flipped. “Kiss?” you repeated.

“I’m merely humoring your wish that things be done the proper way.” He raised his arms in a welcoming sort of gesture. “We’re bound together. For better and for worse, as the saying goes.”

The bastardization of what was meant to be a spiritual promise sworn between two people in the name of love made you wince. Everything about this was wrong, certainly he could see that. But you couldn’t think of any way out of this that wasn’t to plainly say no, and you didn’t want to do that either. That was what you should have been doing. Deny him this, he owned you anyway. If he wanted more, he should have taken it kicking and screaming. But then you thought of the pain when you hurt your ankle, the terrible burn of sweat dripping into the shallow gashes of your wounds. You weren’t used to pain. You didn’t want to be hurt.

“That’s it?” you asked, stalling as you tried to get past the crippling indecision. “Just a kiss?”

Emet-Selch sighed. “If I desired more, I assure you that you would know.”

You hesitated, looking at him to try and determine what to do and scorning yourself for how awkward you suddenly felt. Being asked to kiss someone who owned you willingly wasn’t the awkwardly romantic scenario anyone would dream of; it was a nightmare. But you weren’t the one who should have been awkward, blushing and stomach flipping with nerves.

“Fine,” you said.

“Then come,” Emet-Selch said invitingly, spreading his legs as he sat back. Considering he sat in a single-seat chair, there was little mystery as to what he meant. It made your head rush, dizziness overcoming what resolve you felt.

“I don’t want to-to sit on your lap,” you said, stumbling through the words. “That’s too embarrassing.”

“Then refuse.”

The way he spoke made your stomach drop and breath catch. This wasn’t the sort of command you refused, matter what he said. And it was just a kiss. Just a kiss. You took a few steps forward, your knees wobbling, but managing to keep from buckling beneath your weight.

Emet-Selch didn’t seem the type to allow anyone to sit on his lap. He wore a cloak of haughty unapproachability that made the very idea somewhat odd. But he was not the awkward one as you gingerly placed yourself on his lap. Somehow, he seemed to be above it all. Uninvolved. That only made it worse as you tried to adjust yourself, your legs thrown sideways over his thighs, your weight awkwardly positioned in your attempt to keep as much of yourself away from him as you could.

“Sorry, I-”

Emet-Selch rolled his eyes. “Helpless creature,” he muttered under his breath, drawing you against him. Despite his words, he wasn’t aggressive. If you were of a mind to, you could have pulled away when he tugged your chin upward. But you didn’t.

“I’ve never…” you began, feeling the worst type of disgust and shame and nerves and fear and, worst of all, a sort of twisted anticipation. “I’ve never kissed anyone.”

“I am aware,” he responded, the words nearly brushing against your lips from how close he was.

When he closed the distance, your first impression was that Emet-Selch’s lips were warm. And soft. The feeling of them on yours sparked up a pleasant, or maybe unpleasant, feeling of heat in your core. The aggressive pounding of nerves in your stomach and throat and chest was distracting, fed by a sense of deep unease at the wrongness of allowing this to happen, of kissing a man, of sitting on his lap. It was lewd and suggestive and amoral and when you breathed in, ragged because you kept forgetting to do so, the scent of him invited an intoxicating flurry of unease and excitement, tinged in violet shame and a hazy dizziness.

With the vague impulses you’d gleaned from the stories of books and from hushed, giggling conversations with Elsie, you attempted to deepen the kiss, parting your mouth as an invitation. Rather than meeting it, Emet-Selch drew back with a frown.

“Not like that,” he muttered in displeasure. Your eyes widened, embarrassment stabbing you in the gut as you stiffened all over again. “I will not engage in the wet clacking of teeth so many call a kiss. Flattering as your zeal might be, it is unappealing to hasten such things.”

“I’m sorry.” Was that your voice? It didn’t sound familiar, breathless and weak.

Emet-Selch sighed, a sound of indulgence. “It is not unexpected. Try again, hm?”

It was difficult to relax, humiliation gnawing even more strongly at your stomach for the mistake you had made and the terrifying drowning sensation of inexperience. You didn’t know what to do. Or, maybe you did and you didn’t know how to do it? You didn’t know, and you wanted to ask but you also couldn’t help but feel that would be admission to a terrible weakness.

Without the active distraction, your mind returned to the panic response of thinking you should stop this before it went too far. But Emet-Selch didn’t look upset, nor did he seem to be mocking you. You couldn’t even tell if that was a good sign, not with him. This was intimate in a way you hadn’t ever experienced. The hammering of your heart in your chest was distracting, you could practically feel your pulse flutter beneath the thin skin of your neck. Even though you were hesitating, Emet-Selch made no move to force you. He was waiting. Watching your face. You weren’t entirely sure what he expected, but you leaned in like before, your shaking hands sliding up to his shoulders. The black ring caught the light, winking at you.

Tilting your head, you fit your lips to his, eyes squeezed shut. It was an innocent kiss. Sweet. Maybe the kind that you would share with a man who proposed to you, a man that you cared for. Emet-Selch responded in kind, his hand smoothing over your hair before cupping your cheek. The chaste press of his lips against yours pulled a shiver down your spine. He rewarded your patience a moment later, his lips finally parting, tongue tracing across your lower lip. Your fingers pushed upward without thinking, marveling at the warmth of his skin, dragging through the cropped hair on the back of his head. Emet-Selch did nothing sloppily, or carelessly. For all that it was so simple, the kiss felt like domination.

Distracted and breathless, it was shocking when Emet-Selch suddenly grabbed you, arranging you to straddle him instead. It was far more intimate--not to mention suggestive--than before. When you began to question the position, Emet-Selch made a low sound of displeasure and bit your bottom lip. It wasn’t hard, or even very rough, but the threat of it made the muscles in your stomach flutter and tense. When he kissed you like that, when he made sounds that vibrated through your chest, you found it a lot harder to care. When Emet-Selch ran his hand across your thigh, you were too dizzy and dazed by him to mind. It felt nice anyway, even with all those layers of fabric in between.

Alarm bells clanged with relentless violence in your head, and you ignored them.

His hand ventured a little further up your leg, dragging your skirt up with them. The brush of his breath when he broke the kiss to let you breathe made you shudder, the feeling fizzling out into a gasp. At the same time, Emet-Selch very deliberately moved his thigh, grinding it between your legs with just enough friction to cause a reaction. In conjunction with the mindlessly maddening way he was rubbing your thigh, it made your body jerk against his. You whimpered as he repeated the motion, a sound Emet-Selch stifled as he kissed you again.

Did he know what he was doing? You couldn’t tell it was purely by accident, but it was lewd and debauched and definitely more than he had asked for. Even so, it was so much easier to allow it to happen rather than stop him and say no, to lose yourself a little bit with the justification that you could blame it on a lack of oxygen or the intoxication of his touch or anything other than the idea that you would want this.

And then, just like that, it was over. He pulled away and you opened your eyes, blinking fast in the hopes of finding some better state of clarity.

Emet-Selch seemed to be lost in thought. His nose brushed against your cheek in an oddly sentimental motion. When his eyes opened, they were soft. Just for a moment, a flash of tenderness so quick you might have imagined the vulnerable affection. Then they focused on you, recognition struck, and they hardened with the defensively cold demeanor he’d adopted for you.

“That’s enough,” Emet-Selch said, his breathing uneven but words composed as he pushed you off of him. You got your feet beneath you just in time to avoid falling, but it was a close thing. He adjusted his clothes, wiped his mouth, and flicked the lock of white hair out of his face. You felt a stinging sense of betrayal, a feeling without logic.

“What?” was all you could say, your voice breathless and dumb. He looked at you like you were an idiot. You felt like an idiot.

“I’d hate to stray too far and do anything improper,” Emet-Selch told you, standing. You took a few more unsteady steps away. Even with the slouch, he was much taller than you. “I’ve no intention to force myself upon you.”

You blinked, surprised at how cold the rejection felt. “But I thought-”

“Yes, yes, I daresay I know exactly what you thought. But I am in possession of both time and patience—both of which enable me to choose the time and place for all things with the utmost care. For now, I do have other business to attend to. I’m afraid I may have lingered here too long.”

“Are you going to leave?” you asked, scared of the prospect for some reason. Not for any rational reason, you just very badly didn’t want to be alone.

“I can’t indulge you at all times, I’m afraid you’ll have to find ways to entertain yourself. Try not to get into any trouble.”

“Emet-Selch, wait-” You stumbled forward, meaning to grab his robes in a last ditch effort to keep him from going. All you got were fistfuls of miasmic purple drawing inward with whatever spell he’d used to teleport out. After that faded, you were alone. The ring felt very, very heavy on your hand.

III.

[Citrine Chrysanthemums]

Emet-Selch’s so-called “home” had the bedroom where you first awoke, a massive library, and a bathroom with seemingly impossible running water that came out warm or cool depending on which knob you turned. No kitchen, no dining room, nothing. No windows, only two doors. Somehow there was an airflow, but you couldn’t tell from where. In short, there was no escape. And if he didn’t come back, you would starve to death.

But you tried not to dwell on that, just like you tried not to think about what had happened or what had been said. You tried not to focus on the tingling sensation left on your lips and between your legs, the strangely fluttery mixture of shame and anticipation in your gut. On all counts, you failed. And so you cried. Once you started, it was a dam broken, you cried loudly and inconsolably, cried until your face was splotched in ugly reds and your eyes were swollen and you were on the brink of dehydration.

Eventually, you had no choice but to lay down. Exhaustion had worn your body into a boneless slump, your head pounding with each frantic beat of your heart, but it was difficult to think of sleeping. The sheets smelled wrong, and the mattress was too firm. You stared up at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes, unable to shut your brain off.

Even though he had barely touched you, you felt dirty. Filthy, the steady thump of blood through your body reminding you of the sensation of his thigh between your legs. You had tried to get the ring off, but it hadn’t budged. Somehow, the stone felt warm in a separate way from your own body heat and it wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was an unnecessary reminder. It was awful. Terrifying. Anger about the position you’d fallen into hung on the edges of your consciousness, but the helpless fear was much worse. This was, you realized, the first time in your life that you felt truly alone, unable to do anything to change or fix your situation. Tears welled up in your eyes at that thought, a little sob building and building in your chest. But you were too tired to cry again.

It was strange, certainly the delirium of someone not yet recovered from a harrowing series of events that had ruined your life, but you decided in that hazy realm of almost-asleep that you would wake the next day in your own bed, in your own room, having realized this was nothing more than a strange dream.

IV.

[Ivory Coriander]

Even under normal circumstances, waking up was a process, a product of being a heavy sleeper. At first, you rejected it outright. Morning meant sunlight and birdsong from the window you kept slightly cracked at night, and you weren’t aware of either. Besides, you were comfortable and warm.

But that in and of itself was strange, an anchor to pull you out of your stupor regardless of the lack of sunshine or birdsong. You opened your eyes, meaning to roll over only to realize that you couldn’t, something was keeping you in place. Not something. Someone. A set of arms wrapped around you, and a body against your back. Soft breathing behind your head, almost hypnotic if not for the wrongness. Shifting, you realized exactly how close you were to them, something hard pressed against your ass. Inexperience or not, you had a basic understanding of biology which was more than enough to understand that you had been sleeping in a man’s arms.

Then, and only then, did you have the sense to try and figure out what was going on. So came the memories, and the understanding of where you were, and then the identity of the person who held you.

You yelped, breaking out of Emet-Selch’s arms and scrambling to get as far away from him as you could. For the second morning in the row, you quite literally fell out of bed, hitting the floor directly on your tailbone and letting out another sharp yelp of pain. Wincing, you peered over the edge of the bed. Both of you were fully clothed, at least. And you didn’t get the feeling that anything was amiss. Physically, at least. You could feel the searing memory of his erection against you, although the blankets were ruffed up enough to hide it now.

Emet-Selch rolled onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes with a frown. “Do you begin every day with such disgraceful displays?”

“You… I…” you stammered, looking at him with horror as you got to your feet. As your brain woke up, everything was filtering back in and the abject panic of waking up in a man’s arms had become the disquieting fear of waking up in Emet-Selch’s arms. “Why are you here?”

He moved his arm to peek at you with a single eye, thoroughly unimpressed. “Mayhap you recall,” he said, “that this is my home.”

“But why were you… I never said I was okay with-” You gestured towards him in a frantic way before folding your arms, aware of the fact that the nightdress you wore was conspicuously without proper undergarments which he definitely would have been able to feel.

“You would have me request permission to sleep in my own bed?” Emet-Selch asked, his voice rising in disbelief.

“No.”

He looked at you a moment before sighing heavily, his arm covering his eyes again. “I should note that I did attempt to wake you, but I’m afraid it was for naught. If it weren’t for the beating of your heart, I daresay you would make quite the convincing corpse.”

“But we… you… I…” You drew in a deep breath, pressing a hand to your heart to feel it thumping in a panicked beat, almost self conscious about it. “We didn’t do anything, did we?”

Emet-Selch didn’t move, but his lips curled up in a smirk. “No, we did not.”

Now that the immediate discomfort of waking up in his embrace had passed somewhat, you were forced to confront your situation once again. The two sensations, humiliation and despair, felt at odds with one another. Mundane slapstick at your expense contrasted against the terrible heartache of being held captive, of the acknowledgment that you had not woken up safe in your own bed. Or even in your world, for that matter.

“You, however, were able to make a nuisance of yourself while asleep,” Emet-Selch said, finally moving his arm and sitting up. His dark hair was only slightly untidy, his white streaked bangs flopping over his face. Despite having slept, he didn’t look very rested. Part of that was the way the kohl lining his eyes had become even more smeared, giving him a ghostly cast. “Most bedfellows have the good sense to stick to their own side, but I had scarcely laid down before you accosted me. If you weren’t snoring, I might have thought you were attempting to smother me.”

“I don’t snore,” you said halfheartedly. You couldn’t outright deny the rest, your mother often told you stories of how you slept when you were a child. She had drawn upon many octopus comparisons for reference. Emet-Selch didn’t respond, covering a big yawn with his palm. “I’m really sorry,” you told him, unsure of what else to do or say. “For the-” You gestured towards the bed vaguely. “It would be better if I slept somewhere else anyway, right? This is… very improper. And it would be-”

“I never said I disliked it,” he said, cutting you off. “If this arrangement becomes inconvenient for me, you will sleep elsewhere. Until then-” He shrugged casually, leaving the rest to your inference.

“You want me to sleep… in the same bed… with you,” you said, not a question so much as a need to confirm what you already knew.

“You had no reservations about it earlier,” he pointed out. “That’s because I was asleep,” you said, your voice tight and high. “It’s not like I would have... If I were awake, I wouldn’t have...”

“You needn’t look so distressed,” Emet-Selch said, rolling his eyes. “It is as I said, I have no intention to force you to do aught you aren’t prepared for.”

He slid to the edge of the bed, stretching his arms above his head and rolling his neck with his back to you. Rather than the many layers of coat and fine dress you had last seen, he wore a simple white shirt and loose pants. Covering, but still underclothes. The fabric was thin enough to leave nothing to the imagination. It seemed unfair that he would have a nice body, all things considered. It wasn’t as if he would need the strength lent by muscles to overpower you. You looked away quickly, disgusted with yourself for entertaining that thought.

“Is it not soothing to share in the comfort of another as you slumber?” he asked under his breath. “It is no different from keeping a pet that you allow to warm your feet.”

“Am I the pet in this situation?” you asked.

Emet-Selch looked over his shoulder, clearly amused by your reaction. “Oh dear, does that upset you? You will have to forgive me, I only meant to draw a comparison you might understand. To clarify, I do not view you as a pet. You’re far too undisciplined for my taste. If I were to keep an animal companion, I would prefer one that had been trained properly.”

“This is not funny,” you told him, unable to keep your voice as steady as you wanted it to. “Have you thought, for even a second, what this is like for me? I know it was my choice, I know-” You drew in a heavy breath, closing your eyes. “This isn’t funny.”

“I agree, as I said naught in jest.” You gave him a flat look that you hoped conveyed your displeasure. Emet-Selch frowned. “I lack both the inclination and the drive to imagine what it must be like inside of that head of yours,” he told you. “However, I’ll allow that it differs greatly from what you are used to, and while I don’t doubt that such a change is distressing, I assure you that it could get much, much worse.”

You didn’t say anything, unable to think of a proper rebuttal to that. It wasn’t fair, nothing about this was fair, but you knew he would only mock that mode of reasoning. And it could get worse. It was his right to do whatever he wanted with you, to you. Being a bed warmer was, all things considered, a kindness. But that wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair.

Emet-Selch sighed. “Sit down.”

You tensed up. “Why?”

“I would assume you wish to eat before I leave.”

“Oh,” you said, blinking in surprise. “Yes, I-I would.” It was weakness, you knew, but you didn’t think you had the constitution to starve yourself in protest. You took the same seat from the night previous. Emet-Selch sat across from you and, just like that, food appeared on the table. He was so unfazed by the casual use of magic that you could almost believe that it was normal.

The night previous—or, what you assumed was night given any indication of time—you had been so hungry that you would have eaten anything, but now you couldn’t help but feel annoyed that he hadn’t so much as asked what you liked. The thought to complain occurred to you, but you had a feeling that it’d make him even less likely to care about your tastes.

“Where are you going?” you asked instead.

“Never you mind about that,” Emet-Selch said, neatly picking up his utensils. He hadn’t eaten before, so you had assumed he didn’t eat all. Then again, assuming things about him hadn’t gone so well for you previously. Maybe the Unseen weren’t as dissimilar to people as you thought. That wasn’t a pleasant thought.

Silence passed as the two of you ate. You kept peeking up from beneath your eyelashes, waiting for him to break it, but Emet-Selch didn’t seem at all inclined. In some ways, you were used to silence. But you were not used to being ignored, and especially not being disliked. The awkward tension in the air set you on edge because you didn’t understand, and you weren’t sure how you were meant to understand. Was he the cruel face who insulted you, the inviting one who kissed and held you as he slept, or the imperious mask that displayed no emotion whatsoever? Why would he kiss you and sleep with you and then treat you so coldly? It didn’t make any sense.

When you could bear it no longer, you wiped your mouth and looked at him straight, deciding that trying to start up a casual conversation was your best option, or the one least likely to lead to you losing your mind.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Neither propriety nor courtesy has held your tongue so far, I doubt you will stop at my say so.”

You faltered, but the dry remark didn’t seem to express any irritation. “It’s a question about you,” you clarified. “It’s not important, I’m just curious.”

That got his attention for just a second before he dismissed any interest, shrugging in a way you assumed was meant as permission. That was a good sign, probably.

“I don’t know a lot about your kind,” you said. “But you sleep and eat and… and everything?” You stumbled on the final word, the unintentionally crude implications occurring to you only as you spoke.

“You’ll have to be more specific than that,” Emet-Selch said with a knowing smirk.

“Do you have to take care of yourself like normal? You know, like I do?” you asked. “Eating, sleeping, bathing… Everything like that.”

“Oh, I see.” Emet-Selch put a hand to chest. “Yes. Mine is technically a human body, so I must respect the rules it has imposed upon me just as I would any other.”

You blinked, surprised by that answer. But it also made sense, he had felt incredibly human. “Why would you use a, um, a human body?”

“It certainly has its uses.” The way Emet-Selch said that, staring at you with those luminous yellow eyes and smirking, just made you stumble, your face getting hot all over again.

“Do you have another form then?”

“Of course I do. I would offer to show you one day,” Emet-Selch said warmly, “but I worry you wouldn’t care for the experience.”

He was probably right about that. You weren’t even sure you liked this one, especially not when he looked at you like that.

“No, it-it’s fine,” you said, clearing your throat and looking away to gather your thoughts. “Can I ask one more? If that’s okay?” Despite the question, you didn’t wait for him to respond. “The Unseen all have roles, right? You said we’re in your domain. So, um…” You bit your lip, trying to think of how to phrase the question. “What is yours?”

He gave you an odd look, curiosity mixed with derision. “Do you truly not know who I am?” he asked.

“No,” you said with a frown, hating your lack of knowledge. Your ignorance. Your mother hardly ever spoke of the Unseen other than to tell you how dangerous they were, how important it was that you stayed beneath her protective veil. Even Elsie, the supposed heretic, never spoke of the Unseen. And you wanted to be bitter about that, angry about the ignorance that had landed you here, but you pushed it down.

“Well, well. Your mother has done you a grave disservice.” Emet-Selch shrugged. “As it stands, I shall remain, to you, Emet-Selch.”

“Is that not your real name?”

“No.”

“So what is your name?”

“It is none of your concern.”

You considered that, confused and frustrated by how secretive he was being. “Could I use it to hurt you?” you ventured to guess.

He smirked. “Your mortal tongue would wither and burn ere you tried.”

“Then why won’t you tell me?”

“I doubt your ability to comprehend the importance of names, ergo you cannot be entrusted with mine.”

“You want me just to call you by your title?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowing. “Isn’t that a bit awkward? Emet-Selch doesn’t even really sound like a name, it’s kind of...” The proper adjective evaded you, so you let the statement fade out. That was probably for the best. Insulting him in any way seemed like a surefire way to agitate him.

“I daresay there are forms of address I could require that you would find far less preferable,” Emet-Selch said, a mean edge of humor to the words.

“What about nicknames?” you asked. His eyes narrowed, but he said nothing. It was a look that said, ‘tread carefully'. But he didn’t tell you to stop. “I could call you Emet for short,” you said. “Or just Em, although that’s probably too feminine. Or-”

“If you are not so inclined to be respectful, you will address me as master,” Emet-Selch told you strictly. “You may choose which you prefer.”

That stopped you, his annoyed tone grounding you to the reality of the situation.

“I was just joking,” you said in what you hoped very much didn’t sound as sullen as it felt.

“You joke of such things now, moments after I tell you that names have power and while eating food from my hand,” he said, although he didn’t seem that irritated. “You’re fortunate that I am not as literal as others of my kind, nor as temperamental.”

You frowned, but there was really nothing that you could say to that, and the conversation died. After eating and disappearing the dishes, Emet-Selch retired to the bathroom. You heard running water. You very pointedly did not consider the fact that he had the body of a human man, nor did you entertain any ideas of him bathing. You briefly wondered what the other Unseen were like before deciding it was probably better that you didn’t know.

“You’re leaving?” you asked when he came out, dressed formally. Fancy, even. Intimidating.

For some reason, he looked surprised to see you, preoccupied with other thoughts. “I am.”

You nodded, standing up. “Goodbye, master,” you told him with as straight of a face as you could manage, bowing.

Your attempt at getting under his skin just made Emet-Selch smirk as he left in the same miasmic void as before, issuing no farewell and giving no explanation as to where he was going or when he would return.

Alone again, you sat back down, frowning. Then crying. Eventually you got up, gathering a few blankets to find a place to sleep that wasn’t his bed.

V.

[Blushing Cyclamen]

In the following days or weeks—time may as well have stopped for all that it mattered anymore—you fell into a sort of rhythm. You didn’t dare call it your life and admit its permanence, but the fact remained that you were getting used to being here. You were getting used to him. Reading Emet-Selch’s moods became slightly easier, and so did knowing how to interact with him. Sometimes Emet-Selch hunted you down when you hid, insisting on your company. Sometimes he let you be, and you wondered if he remembered that you were there at all. He had an unnerving sort of comfort with you being there most of the time, and not as much modesty as you’d wish.

There were times that he was sociable enough, but there were other times that had you retreating to the little nook of blankets and pillows you’d set up amidst the shelves in the library to weather his thunderous mood swings. Ice frosted teeth and ravenous flames.

“I understand why I can’t see her,” you told him one day as he was getting ready to leave, your heart pulsing in your throat with nerves. “But I was wondering... I, uhm, I wrote a letter to my mother. Would you give it to her? Please.”

Emet-Selch raised his chin with a cold, unreadable expression. Something very unfriendly, imperious. He said nothing, holding out his hand out for the paper. You handed it over, relieved that he hadn’t rejected it outright. Perhaps naively, you didn’t expect him to unfold it so he could read what you’d written, his pale eyes jumping from line to line with an inhuman speed.

“Wait, don’t,” you said, embarrassed and angry that he’d read something so intimate, snatching it away in a panic. He didn’t get upset, or even comment on your reaction.

“Curious as I find your attempts to placate her,” Emet-Selch said. “I have little interest in wasting my time on an endeavor so trivial.” He paused, head tilting just a bit, eyes sparkling with something other than ice. “You are more than welcome to find another way to deliver your message. ‘twould be most barbarous of me to sever the sacred bond of mother and daughter.”

“Is there another way?” you asked.

Emet-Selch just shrugged. And then he was gone.

After that, you didn’t dare to ask him for a favor, but you couldn’t hold back your indignant anger when he started playing with you. In a way, it felt unavoidable that you would test his patience with your bubbling despair and frustration. A golden flame burned hot and horrid in his eyes when you told him how unfair he was being, how cruel it was to keep you locked up like this, how wrong he was about his low opinion of humanity. And, when you were done, Emet-Selch took every single one of your words and twisted them back on you like knives. And then he told you to leave his sight. That was the longest you went without food, hiding from him with a single thought clanging and echoing in your head.

He had asked you to consider if your situation now was truly that different from how you had been living before. Emet-Selch laughed at you as he meticulously broke down exactly how the palace was just as much of a cage as this place, how you would have lived and rotted within the safety of your mother’s protection from those who would wish you ill. He told you that you were lucky to be kept and cared for by him. And you told yourself that wasn’t true, that they were just evil words from a malevolent being, but sometimes it was difficult to extract yourself from the situation far enough to truly rationalize how wrong he was.

Those were extremes—ice and fire—but high levels of emotion and drama could only be sustained so long, you needed to make it normal so you didn’t burn yourself out. That was natural.

And your life was becoming familiar. Emet-Selch was becoming familiar.

When you were alone, and you spent much of your time alone, you thought about your mother and your kingdom. You thought about your home, your real home. You wondered if they were used to your absence in the same way you were getting used to this place where nothing ever changed or progressed. You wondered if the land was flourishing, and if someone was taking care of your garden. There were things to do when he was gone, of course. Having constant access to one of the most extensive libraries you’d ever visited was the next best thing to having a garden. The isolation was no less brutal for it though. Somehow, it seemed to make your ability to remember and think much that much harder.

Slowly but surely, the outside world was becoming less tangible, less insistent. Less important, even. That scared you, a soul-deep fear of losing that which was most important. But that fear had to stay locked up inside of your chest for fear of letting him see weakness, and even it was slowly starting to become hazy, far away.

Did Emet-Selch know that? He never said, he never asked why your eyes were red and swollen when he returned or asked how you felt about your confinement. He was smart and perceptive, and you had a feeling he knew anyway. But, for all else that he was or did, Emet-Selch stayed true to his word and made no further advances on you than he had that first day. He occasionally kissed you only to pull away just as quickly, leaving you in a confused tailspin of wanting more but afraid of going further. When the mood struck, he made comments on the wrong side of propriety, or invaded your space in a way that made your breath catch, and you often woke up curled around him or in his arms. But things never went further than that. In some ways, you got the impression that he was lonely, especially because of the other ways he found for you to entertain him.

At first it was, “Chess?” you asked, staring at the checkered board and all the intricately carved pieces he was setting up on the smaller table in the library.

“How very observant of you. I’m impressed,” he said, layering the mocking praise with sarcasm. “You have played chess before, I hope.”

“I have,” you said, sitting opposite him with no small amount of trepidation. ”I wasn’t very good though.”

Emet-Selch sighed dramatically. “I assumed that would be the case. I suppose I don’t mind aiding you.”

You frowned, eyebrows furrowing in displeasure. “Do I have to?”

“How ungrateful,” he scolded you. “It’s good for your mind, mayhap it will help to sharpen you up a bit.”

Emet-Selch always won. Sometimes, given his nearly obsessive need to instruct you on what moves would be better than the ones you were making, you wondered why he enjoyed it all. He may as well have been playing himself. But, on the rare occasion that you made a move on your own, usually taken from one of the dozens of books in his library about chess, he looked genuinely happy. He’d win anyway, and the praise was condescending, but you found yourself trying more and more, hoping for those few moments where he looked to be enjoying himself.

On another day, you had been reading in the chair you’d come to think of as your chair, draped sideways with your bare feet dangling. You heard Emet-Selch return in that dizzying swirl of magic in the bedroom, momentarily breaking you from your focus on the book. You waited, listening to try and figure out what sort of mood he was in. It was important to know before deciding if you would get up to greet him or just leave him be. But Emet-Selch saved you the effort, removing his coat and coming into the library. You looked up at him with a tentative smile, testing the waters.

“What are you reading?” Emet-Selch asked, eschewing any polite greeting. He looked tired, honestly. Worn down. Odd that you could recognize that.

“Poetry,” you said, your voice raising like it was a question because you weren’t really sure what he’d think.

“What type of poetry?” Emet-Selch asked, sitting in what you thought of as his chair.

“It’s an epic. Like, a narrative poem,” you replied. “About a hero, but more… uh, romantic.” That shouldn’t have made you blush, but it did. The idea of romance had become somewhat of a taboo to you. The last time it came up, he’d bastardized the concept with the ring you were unable to remove.

“Very well,” Emet-Selch said, aloof. “Read to me.”

“Read this?” you asked, caught off guard by the request. He rolled his eyes, opening his mouth with what was likely a biting comment about your intelligence. “I wasn’t sure if there was something else you would prefer, that’s all,” you said, cutting him off. “But if you want… this is fine.” You hesitated a second longer, watching him to make sure this wasn’t a joke of some kind. It didn’t seem like it. Swallowing against your nerves, you turned to the first page of the poem and drew in a breath. And then you began, starting with the flowery introduction of the brave hero.

After only a few lines, Emet-Selch waved for you to stop. “I can’t hear you,” he said. “Come, sit here.” He gestured to the floor at his feet. You thought about denying him, but you didn’t want to spoil the relatively pleasant mood. Or maybe you had just grown used to compliance. Or, worst of all, maybe you just wanted to please him because seeing that tired look in his eyes was a little upsetting. You stood up and walked over, dropping to your knees with the book propped against his chair so you could speak towards him. Sitting at his feet like a dog wasn’t as embarrassing as sitting on his lap. He smelled like the outside world, snow and fire smoke. And he smelled like himself, a distinct mixture of heady spice and old books. Odd how one of those scents was more familiar than the other.

“Good,” Emet-Selch said, looking down at you with a smile in his eyes. “Now start again.”

And you did. Before long, he leaned back with his eyes closed. And soon after that, his hand sought out the top of your head, almost petting your hair. That caused you to stumble, but you caught yourself, forcing focus on the words so you didn’t ruin the moment. You told yourself you did so as a form of self preservation, that you knew he would be unhappy if you made too many mistakes, but you knew that wasn’t it. Not entirely. The next time Emet-Selch bid you to read to him, he didn’t even have to say anything before you took your place in front of his chair, reading to him a collection of shorter poems you’d found that seemed to capture the magic of the natural world. His fingers dragged lightly over your head and a shiver worked its way down your spine.

How long had it been since anybody touched you like that? Your mother had always been too busy to give you that sort of affection, and you never knew your father. Everyone else, even Elsie, kept you at arm’s length. The easy, casual intimacy of having someone pet your head made you melt, made you want to lay your head on his lap.

“You speak so lovingly of a garden in bloom,” Emet-Selch noted at the end of one of the pieces. “Even more so than a budding romance between hero and his fair maiden.”

“What’s more romantic than a blossoming garden?” you asked, trying very hard to not sound too gutted about the reminder of your captivity, your isolation from the natural world. “I don’t think there’s anything that can compare.”

Emet-Selch considered that for a few moments before sitting back with a hum. “Are there more?” he asked, nodding at the book.

“Yes. Should I continue?”

He waved a hand. “If you will.”

VI.

[Amethystine Hydrangeas]

“You’re leaving?” you asked one morning, groggy and frowning at what felt like an early awakening. It was impossible not to wake up with Emet-Selch considering you almost always wound up entangled together in some form. Even though he occasionally had nightmares that neither of you mentioned, sleeping in his arms was better than being alone. The pile of blankets you called a bed in the library saw less and less use.

These days, you hated being alone. Detested it. And you knew it irritated him when you were too needy, but it was harder to control your true feelings when you were waking up, too bleary to stop yourself from expressing anything you felt. You knew your voice was a tone off from being a whine, and you knew it was pathetic and childish, but you weren’t awake enough to care.

“Oh, don’t pout,” Emet-Selch said, rolling his eyes as he dressed. Today he was back in bulky militaristic robes, something that would keep him warm for wherever he went that caused him to come back with snowflakes in his dark hair. “My time is unimaginably valuable—you ought to be grateful I indulge you as often as I do.”

And maybe he was right, but that wasn’t exactly why you were really afraid of his absence. When he was with you, you didn’t have to think as much. You could ignore everything else. But when you were alone, you had to confront that you no longer desperately wished for your mother or freedom, but for Emet-Selch to come back. You thought about his smirk and his voice and the way he touched you and the sensation of kissing him and you knew that, out of all of the things you wanted, you had begun to crave that the most. You thought about the overtly sexual tension and the times when you could feel that he wanted you and the fact that he never pushed and instead of relief, all you could feel was a deep sense of longing.

Emet-Selch left and you fell back into the pillows, your thoughts immediately becoming consumed with thoughts of him because you could smell him in the sheets, remember the warmth of his body against your own, the insistent press of his erection through the layers of fabric between you. Anxiously, you twisted the ring you still wore. Round and round, but it couldn’t come off, a constant reminder of him.

It was driving you insane.

He was driving you insane.

When Emet-Selch returned, you could barely contain your reaction. And it wasn’t relief anymore, not like it had been when you used to worry that he would never return and let you starve. No, now it was excitement.

And you could say you didn’t understand all you wanted, but you must have understood a little because with your willpower crumbling, that smirk of his just got more and more smug. And he didn’t push it, not in the way you wanted him to. Why did he stop himself from doing anything more than kissing? Why did he wedge his thigh between your legs in a way that had you soaking through your panties and boneless in his arms if not to prime you for more? Why did he ask you to read him poetry or play chess or sleep together in the most innocent of ways, always holding you close without ever demanding more?

Then again, why did you even contemplate those questions when the answers were so brutally obvious? It was the game. But the odds were stacked, and you could feel yourself cracking beneath the tactics he employed. Emet-Selch already owned you, body and soul. But to take you by force was beneath him. He didn’t just play to win, he played for keeps. For everything. A true, undisputed victory.

VII.

[Fading Nasturtium]

“I win,” Emet-Selch said, monotone. You frowned, staring at the pieces. You had come closer to beating him this time. Slightly. That is to say, your loss was merely overwhelming, not a massacre. A storm brewed with the color of pale gold behind his eyes, it had you on edge from the moment he returned. He hadn’t mentioned anything, only setting up the board when he returned.

“Do you want to play again?” you asked.

“I’m bored,” Emet-Selch said, drawing out the word dramatically, with an almost childish tone. “You’re boring me. I have provided you with ample material to advance your skill, you could at least make an effort.”

You frowned at him, a little hurt. It wasn’t like you were bad, you just weren’t as good as him. You doubted anybody in the world was. “I have been.”

His eyes narrowed. “Then it seems that all of my instruction and effort has been for naught.”

“You’re being unfair,” you said defensively. “I’m trying my best.”

“Well I suggest you try harder, otherwise I’ll be forced to find another way to entertain myself.”

You huffed indignantly. “Fine. We could play a different game. Or read something, or…” you trailed off, studying his expression. Emet-Selch was inscrutable on the best of days. “You know, if you’re really bored, we could go somewhere.”

He didn’t react other than raising an eyebrow, although you felt as if you caught a glint of curiosity. “Go where?”

You blinked, realizing you hadn’t considered that he’d ask. Where did you want to go? You dreamed of the outside world, read stories to remind yourself that it still existed, but the only place you had ever really been was in the palace. It was the only place you could imagine being. You couldn’t ask for that though, not even in a playful way. So you shrugged.

“I don’t know. Where do you go when you leave?”

“No place fit for a young lady like yourself,” he said. “Especially dressed as you are. Unless you’re prepared to make a scandal.”

“People would stop caring about my clothes the moment you opened your mouth,” you muttered, leaning back and crossing your arms in an attempt to hide yourself. It wasn’t as if you were dressed any more or less modestly than usual, just that the clothes he’d given to you remained consistently impractical. Light, flowy fabrics. Not sharp lines, everything draped and soft.

Your comment made Emet-Selch smile and, just like that, the mood changed. You couldn’t tell if that expression was the dangerous darkening of the storm clouds, or a break between them that let in the sun.

“Feeling bold today, hm?” Emet-Selch all but cooed. You pressed your lips together, trying to figure out what his mood shift meant.

“I was just thinking that if you’re bored-”

“Arguing, asking to leave, and now making petty jabs,” he listed, cutting you off. “Whatever shall I do with you?”

“I wasn’t trying to offend you.”

“Certainly not.”

He wore an amused look, but it wasn’t the sort of joke you were in on. You weren’t sure if the mood shift was good at all, not when it set your skin crawling so uncomfortably.

“I’m curious,” Emet-Selch said after a moment, his voice bright. “You told me once before that you knew the desires of men, but what of women? Given the confused look you so often wear, I cannot help but wonder if you truly comprehend your own desires.”

Your stomach tensed, a fizzling sense of dizziness making your head spin. “What?” you asked, feigning a vacant sort of tone to hide the nerves.

“There it is. So easy,” Emet-Selch said. “Well, I suppose ignorance can have its own appeal.” He picked up your queen from the board, admiring it idly. “’tis no small wonder. Those who don’t know any better can make for valuable and pliant pieces, susceptible to the machinations of those who do.”

“I’m not ignorant,” you told him.

Emet-Selch set the piece down, smirking at you like he’d won. “Why would you assume I was talking about you?” he asked.

You set your jaw, tempted to call him on that blatant half truth. But you knew where that would land you, talked in circles and playing directly into his confusing turns of phrase, looking just as ignorant as he was obviously accusing you of being.

“What does this have to do with anything anyway?” you asked.

Emet-Selch shrugged. “Nothing at all, but I do admit to finding it greatly entertaining.”

You huffed your unhappiness with that answer, standing up. Instead of acknowledging Emet-Selch, you busied yourself with picking up the pieces from the board to put it away. He was surprisingly messy, often just leaving things where they were to be magicked away or moved by you. And cleaning was better than looking at him, especially when you knew he was watching you.

“The truth of your feelings is and has always been simple enough to divine,” Emet-Selch said, unconcerned with your silence. “Your telltale heart gives you away each and every time. And if it didn’t, it would be that fetching pink burning your cheeks.”

You hid behind your hair, trying to breathe evenly in a vain attempt to calm yourself down. He was just teasing, trying to get a reaction. If he weren’t being so crude, you might have played along.

“Did you know, I saw you but a single time before you called to me,” Emet-Selch said, his voice light as if he were fondly reminiscing. That gave you pause, your eyes drawn to him in surprise. “’twas one of the few occasions that your mother allowed you out from beneath her oppressive thumb. The ingenue princess, her hair decorated with flowers and surrounded by a hoard of pesky attendants.”

For some reason, dread sunk into the pit of your stomach. You remembered what he was talking about. It had been a huge festival, and you spent most of the time in the large field collecting wildflowers and dancing. If he had been there, you were certain you would remember. But you didn’t.

“I had my doubts,” Emet-Selch continued, unconcerned with your reaction. “Finding a girl who can giggle and blush on command is all well and good, but capturing one who does so without so much as a trace of guile is a rare thing indeed. You maintain your obliviousness with such dedication that one might think you enjoy the luxuries of innocence. But I know better now.” He hummed to himself, smirking now that he knew he had your attention. “You poor, silly little thing. You don’t ask for more because you don’t know what you want.”

He stood up, surprising you into dropping the queen piece and taking a few frantic steps away. No matter what you told yourself, or how you tried to calm down, you knew your heart was pounding a frenzy in your chest, and you knew that he could hear it. But, like he said, it didn’t matter when you were blushing as hot as you were.

“I don’t,” you began to say, having to stop to swallow against your dry throat, “I don’t want anything.”

“If you must lie,” Emet-Selch said, “you could, at the very least, attempt to hide your clear and obvious reaction to even mildly suggestive remarks.”

“That’s not true,” you said, hoping you sounded appropriately chastising. “I-I’m not lying. And anyway, why would I? It’s not like I...” You breathed in, adopting a firm tone and standing up straight. “I don’t want anything.”

“Oh, for pity’s sake,” he said under his breath, exasperated. “A lie told with conviction is, nevertheless, a lie.” He paused, thinking for a moment. “On the bed then,” he told you, taking a step forward. “I will take it upon myself to expose the truth. Who knows, you could very well learn something about yourself in the process.”

A soft sound left your mouth in response, bypassing the logical part of your brain that insisted on rejection. He took another step, and you matched it with a backward stumble.

“I thought you,” you floundered for a moment, searching for the words to escape that blunt order. You had made a mistake thinking that he’d let this go if you refused to play along. “I thought that you were bored?” you said like a question, stalling as you sorted through the overwhelming nerves because you already knew where this was heading and you knew you weren’t arguing against him in the way you should have been.

“Yes,” he agreed, walking towards you. The trousers and looser, open shirt only added to the visual of him being a hunter. Although the slow and steady rhythm of his footsteps spoke more to the idea of an executioner. “And I’m sure this will be sufficiently entertaining.”

You’d positioned yourself between Emet-Selch and the bed so perfectly it almost seemed purposeful. There was nowhere else to go, unless you were to actively run away, and you didn’t think you wanted that either. A part of you wanted this, wanted this desperately, but it was wrong. It was wrong and the embarrassment and shame and guilt were going to eat you alive if you let it happen.

“I can’t help but wonder if you’re incapable of doing what you’re told. Mayhap you get a thrill out of undermining authority,” Emet-Selch mused, cutting off your wild thoughts as he closed in. “Honestly…” He took you by the hips and pushed you onto the bed, crowding you in further. You let out an embarrassingly high pitched sort of yelp as you fell onto the soft surface, caught off guard. In contrast, Emet-Selch had an air of dispassionate practicality as he joined you.

“Hey!” you protested, trying to scramble back and sit up. Emet-Selch caught you, pulling you up against him. His body was solid against yours, his arms too strong to squirm out of. Through the thin fabric of his shirt, you could feel exactly how warm he was. So human you could easily forget that he wasn’t. “You can’t just-”

“I can’t?” Emet-Selch asked, cutting you off. His face was close to yours now that the height difference was removed, the air of his words practically kissing your lips. “Why not?”

To that, you had no answer. Your wild eyes met his, panic and discomfort and uncertainty and a million other things rolling over you at once. The smell of him was heady, intense. Masculine, yet refined. Even in the warm lighting, even holding you, the straight cut of his jaw and sharp cheekbones made him look intimidating. It wasn’t as if this was the first time he’d held you, or even gotten this close, but it was the first time he had done it while looking at you like this. Like you were prey.

“Because…” You couldn’t meet his gaze, so you looked at his lips and their near constant smirk. But you couldn’t look at his lips because they were so close to your own, so you looked into his eyes. Pale yellow, almost glowing in the lamplight and offset so perfectly with his dark eyelashes. Piercing. Your stomach flipped. To consider the feeling desire was too lazy and superficial of an assessment, but you knew that it was near enough to condemn you. This was different than it usually was. He always seemed controlled, even when teasing you. Especially when teasing you.

“I have a better question that you ought to consider,” Emet-Selch said after your attempt at a reason lapsed into conflicted silence.

You licked your lips, overcome with a sense of dizziness. Maybe that was because you kept forgetting to breathe. Buying time, your hands fisted in the front of his shirt, tightening so you couldn’t feel how hard they were shaking. “What?”

“How would you stop me?” Emet-Selch asked. He wore that infuriating smirk, an eyebrow quirked as he practically dared you to answer.

That question sunk low and deep and hot in your gut. If you had any wits at all, you would have pointed out that you couldn’t stop him. You were utterly at his mercy, it was clear that you could only obey. That was a strong argument for your complacency, certainly enough to explain why you were allowing this, but you knew it wasn’t the truth. Not entirely. All you could do was wonder if you really wanted to stop him.

“I thought not,” Emet-Selch said.

There was a very small window of time between you realizing that he was going to kiss you and the action itself. You readily accepted his lips, glad to do something you were familiar with. He kissed you without violence or malice. His lips were soft, his domination even softer. Emet-Selch pushed you onto your back the moment you relaxed, following you down and catching himself with an arm that caged you in. That was too much, too soon and your breath caught, your body clunky and too hot as you tried to break away. It was futile, he just braced one leg between yours to keep you in place.

“Ah, do you want me to let you go?” he asked, his voice tinted with pure glee.

“Uhm…” You wanted to say yes, you should have said yes.

“A simple question begs a simple answer,” Emet-Selch told you, his fingers idly tracing up your leg, catching the hem of your dress to tug it upward. “Yes, or no.”

“Emet-Selch…” you said, your voice far too soft to be any sort of objection. You tried, halfheartedly, to push your dress back down, but that was about as token as the rest of your resistance.

“Left to draw my own conclusions, I can only assume that this is what you want.” To punctuate his point, Emet-Selch’s fingers dragged over your clothed slit, digging into the fabric and tracing upwards in a way that made you shudder and moan in something approximating protest. Certainly nerves, or embarrassment. Your hands went to catch his wrist, your stomach twisting at how forward he was being. Using his hand to touch you directly was new and different and it felt good, but the good was frightening too. Emet-Selch didn’t stop, nudging your clit with just enough pressure to make your body jolt against his.

You whimpered as he repeated the motion, a sound he stifled as he kissed you again. Part of you was surprised that he would give you more, but the other was too overwhelmed by the heat and the flush of pleasure as he rubbed your clit, the addition of your underwear only adding to the sweetness of the friction.

“Off,” he told you, his lips leaving yours just enough for the word to be audible. He hooked a finger beneath the hem of your underwear as an explanation for the command.

You should have refused. You should have insisted that if he wanted to defile your body, he do so with violence and force. If you did, it would be an excuse to hide behind, the cover of rejection.

“I don’t… don’t think…” you stammered instead, squirming in discomfort.

“Obviously,” Emet-Selch said, his voice tight and irritated. A second later he sighed harshly, clearly fighting to regain composure as he met your gaze. “If you wish for me to continue, you’ll do as I say. The choice is yours.”

Did you want more? Didn’t you? Why was he giving you the choice? There were no answers to be found in his eyes, just the weight of expectation. Lust won out against the shame and the embarrassment and the doubt. It was awkward, but you obeyed, adjusting yourself beneath him to shove your underwear down and kicking them off.

Above you, he smirked. “Good girl,” Emet-Selch cooed, endlessly smug. He eased the sting of humiliation by immediately seeking out the revealed flesh, his lips reclaiming yours.

The sound of his fingers dragging through the wet mess of your arousal was loud to your ears even with the heavy sound of breathing and kissing and the noises you couldn’t choke back. Just a bit of kissing and a few teasing touches had you wet enough to smooth out the path his fingers dragged from your hole to your swollen clit and back again. It made your hips jump, your legs fighting to close around his hand.

Feeling the press of his thigh between your own was good. The teasing drag of his fingers through the barrier of your underwear was better. But this, these focused little circles right around your clit, was unimaginable. You didn’t know what to do, or how to handle it. All you knew was that you wanted more. The desperate chase of pleasure, the tantalizing promise of release. What you didn’t expect was his fingers to trail back down, pushing against your entrance as if to test it. There was resistance at first, but it wasn’t enough to keep him from pushing in.

You jumped, pulling away from the kiss. “Wait, you-“

“Hush now,” Emet-Selch told you gently, his voice lowered like he was speaking to a spooked animal. “This is what you want, is it not?” To make his point, his fingers pushed just a little deeper, making you whimper. You weren’t sure if you did or didn’t, but you hadn’t done anything to stop him so far. You shook your head helplessly, clinging to him even tighter. And you didn’t stop him.

Nerves and inexperience made you too tight to accommodate the penetration all at once, but he wasn’t rough. No, he worked his fingers into you in short, smooth little strokes. So patient, almost casual. You couldn’t decide if the feeling was wrong or right because the pinching stretch countered the sense of relief that he’d finally indulge the aching emptiness you were so often left with. It sounded wrong, messy. And you were so over-sensitive, your inner walls tightening to keep him out, or to draw him in. All of that fell away when he curled his fingers as they drew out, your mouth falling slack in something like surprise.

“You ca-an’t-” your voice was breathy and high, tight in your throat, your hands finally going down to catch his wrist out of fear. Fear of him? Fear of what he was doing? Fear of the pleasure?

“So you’ve said,” Emet-Selch replied, far too smug and composed considering the fact that his fingers hadn’t stopped leisurely pumping in and out of you, easing to stretch with each maddeningly slow movement. “You still have yet to offer a decent argument as to what, exactly, is meant to be preventing me.”

“It’s-” You cut off with a whimper as he curled his fingers again . Your body jolted, the discomfort finally having reached the point of raw pleasure. “We’re not… A-and…”

“Yes?” he asked. “Use your words now, girl. I can’t possibly understand what it is you mean if you mumble.”

“This isn’t… how it-it should be,” you argued half-heartedly.

“If you tell me to stop, directly and without ambiguity, I will.” You opened your mouth, having every intention of doing just that. But the words got caught up in your throat, heavy on your tongue. Surely you wanted him to stop, but he kept casually fucking his fingers in and out of you and you were dripping around them, more than wet enough to ease his way. You didn’t think you wanted this—you didn’t think you could live with yourself believing that you wanted this—but you didn’t want him to stop.

“I-I don’t know,” you whispered helplessly.

“You don’t know what?” Emet-Selch asked. You could feel yourself tighten around him at the tone of that question, an embarrassing response you had sometimes when he mocked you that you never dared to acknowledge.

He smirked, slowly removing his fingers and leaning to the side, supporting his head with his other hand. You couldn’t stifle the little whine in the back of your throat, pathetic as it was.

“There’s no need for you to worry,” he told you, his wet fingers trailing up to lightly circle your clit. “I mean only to watch. I’ll save my direct participation for another day. Is that solace enough?”

You didn’t answer, his question whirling in your mind. Was it better that he had no intention of going further? Worse? Did it make this okay? You knew the answer, but the heat and desire and the crushing, all-consuming need that had been driving you insane was bursting at the seams, you weren’t sure you could handle it if he stopped now. You nodded, opening your legs a little wider to give him room.

“Aloud,” Emet-Selch said. Despite his casual posture, he hadn’t stopped torturing you with those maddening, almost mindless little circles. “To ensure that there’s no misunderstanding.”

“Please,” you said, unable to meet his eyes. He didn’t stop, didn’t say anything. Waiting for more. “Emet-Selch, please. Please tou-touch me.”

“Touch you?” he repeated. “Am I not already?”

You made a sound of frustrated despair, squeezing your eyes shut. Rather than try and piece together what he wanted you to say, your hands dropped to grab his wrist, to show him what you wanted.

“No,” Emet-Selch told you sharply, his hand landing flat between your legs, practically slapping you where you were most sensitive. It made you jolt, cry out in equal parts surprise and pain. “As much as I would normally appreciate your attempt to take the initiative, that is not what I asked of you.”

“That hurt,” you protested, trying to squirm away. You could only get so far, your leg still pinned and Emet-Selch’s arm draped across your stomach.

“Of course it hurt,” he said, amused. One of his fingers curled, dipping between your folds. He didn’t even need to say anything, you could feel that you were drenched. In spite of the pain, or maybe because of it. Emet-Selch hummed. “Shall I make it all better? You need only ask.”

“I don’t know… what…” you said, loathing the whine in your voice. You couldn’t look at him, didn’t have the courage to meet his eyes despite the way they burned into you.

“I suppose you wouldn’t,” he said, withdrawing his hand entirely and shifting his leg. “I know very well how difficult it is for you to think in times of stress. Well then, I will tell you what to do. But listen well. ‘twould be a shame for your disobedience to ruin the fun.”

You had no idea what he was going to ask of you, but you nodded. It was a wild, terrified sort of sensation, equal parts desperation and trepidation. There was no way out of this situation anymore, not now that you were aching for his touch, not now that you had committed this much.

Emet-Selch smirked, golden eyes half lidded. “Take off your dress,” he said. “Lie on your back with your legs spread and hands flat above your head.”

The casual tone of the demands completely contradicted the salacious image that popped into your head, an image that you mentally rejected just on principle. It was one thing to be touched beneath the cover of your dress, his hand hidden and your body concealed, but it was an entirely different thing to expose yourself to his eyes of your own free will.

“Why?” you asked carefully, the word coming out in place of the objection you should have given.

“Nothing I asked of you requires a single word,” Emet-Selch said, a warning. You could see in his expression, hear in his voice, that he would be more than willing to leave things here. As he’d proven, his control was immaculate. He wasn’t going to force you, that wasn’t the point of this.

If you told yourself you were acting in a haze of lust, not culpable for your own actions, it was okay. You could make this okay. Sitting up, you hiked your dress up by the skirt and off your torso. The draped, loose fabric was easy to remove at least. Without underwear, it left you bare. Your nipples were already noticeably tight, chills covering your body in an obvious tell of your nerves and desire. Everything within you rejected doing as Emet-Selch said and exposing yourself to him so entirely. It was worse that he remained where he was, silently watching. With the pants he wore, it was easy to tell that this had an effect on him, but you believed him when he said he didn’t intend to force himself onto you.

Why was that thought such an unhappy one?

“I’m waiting,” Emet-Selch said in a sort of playful way, doing nothing to conceal his impatience. Part of you wished he would stop looking and just push you down, force you to comply. This was far more humiliating for some reason, and he obviously knew that.

Averting your eyes, you laid back onto the bed. Raising your hands above your head first was easier, you pressed them flat into the pillows. It took more effort to convince your body to untwine your ankles and spread your legs. Staring hard at the ceiling and trying to ignore the uncomfortable crawl of his eyes watching you so intently, trying to block out the humiliation and shame and insecurity, you did as Emet-Selch asked.

“Well then. That wasn’t terribly difficult, was it?” he asked. You were still trying to think of an answer to that when you gasped in harsh surprise, caught off guard by the way his hand dropped to press between your breasts, fingers stretched to the hollow between your collar bones. It made your arms twitch with the impulse to cover yourself. Emet-Selch waited for that show of disobedience, watching you carefully, but you forced yourself to remain still. You expected him to touch you, to tease your nipples or palm your breasts, but instead he just dragged his hot, heavy hand downward, positioning himself between your open legs. “I’ve half a mind to leave you like this,” he said lightly.

“But,” you protested. “But you said—what are you doing!?”

“I did say half,” Emet-Selch said, settling the pillow he had retrieved beneath your hips so they were better angled and casually slotting himself between your legs. The imbalance of being naked while he remained fully clothed was almost too much. The press of his hips between your legs was the worst type of friction, the coarse fabric getting smeared with your arousal. “Let us try this once more. Do I have your attention?”

You opened your mouth to agree, but Emet-Selch chose that moment to grind against you. He was hard, you could feel how hot and solid he was and it made you ache with emptiness, nothing but a pathetic moan leaving your lips. So you just nodded. Your body was so tense you worried you would snap, your heart pounding all the way in your throat and chest rising and falling rapidly.

He smirked. Not for the first time, you couldn’t help but notice how imbalanced this whole thing was. Older, stronger, smarter—Emet-Selch wasn’t even human. And you were letting this happen. You weren’t safe, this wasn’t safe. This was wrong and terrible and sinful and-

“Keep your legs open and hands where they are,” he instructed patiently, his tone giving no indication as to the type of situation this was. “If you cannot, I make no promise that I’ll give you what you want.”

You nodded again, and he didn’t push you to agree verbally. For that, you were grateful.

Wet as you were, it didn’t really matter that he immediately started with two fingers. It drew a harsh sound straight out of your chest, your hips jumping. But you bit your lip and held your breath, forcing yourself to remain in the position he dictated. Emet-Selch was watching you as they drew out, you knew he was because this was a test. The uneven way he thrust his fingers into your pussy was meant to make you break, to surprise you into disobedience.

“I’m almost impressed. There might be hope for you yet,” he said, his voice far too dry to read as praise. It worked anyway, you could feel the way you tightened around his fingers.

“Please,” you asked pitifully, hoping he would take pity on you.

“Patience,” he scolded lightly, his fingers slowing down enough to make you whine. “You will take what you are given and be grateful for it.”

“I am,” you said quickly.

That made Emet-Selch smile, leaning down to take one of your nipples into his mouth. Hot and wet, threatened with the teasing bite of his teeth, you gasped aloud in surprise at the sensation. Good, why did it so good? In your limited experimentation, you hadn’t ever felt particularly interested in teasing your nipples but now it was different. Your back arched when his mouth moved to the opposite side, punctuating your pathetic whimper with a harder thrust that jolted your body up. Your fingers flexed, desperate to grab onto his hair to pull him off or make him stay. Instead all you could do was suffer the way his hair tickled your chest as he continued to tease you, only pulling off with a slick pop when your arms moved, fully intending to pull his hair.

“Ah, ah,” he chided, looking up and freezing you in place.

You exhaled sharply and lowered your arms back down. “Please, Emet-Selch,” you got out, the word tight and nearly pained, tears pricking in your eyes because you just wanted satisfaction. You didn’t think it would even take that much, your body was electrified, your inner walls squeezing his fingers and thighs jerking with the effort it to you to keep them open.

“So desperate,” Emet-Selch muttered, but he did give you what you wanted. Kind of. What you wanted him to take it slow and steady, to work you into the onslaught of sensations, but Emet-Selch had another plan in mind.

The abrupt intensity emptied your head altogether, the most you could do was twist your hands into the pillows, fingers digging into the feathers and fabric like claws because you were trying to be good. You were trying to stay in place as he moved down your body, finger fucking you without any of the teasing care of before. This was raw and messy and filthy, the sound alone was enough to be embarrassing if it didn’t feel so good.

When he used his other hand to expose your clit so his tongue could trace circles against it just like his teasing fingers, you felt as if something within you shorted out. Surprise, shock, pleasure, need, discomfort, embarrassment, humiliation, the feeling was everything you could possibly feel at once in one big flash. And you almost broke, the muscles in your thighs violently trembling and your arms twitching mindlessly.

“Nn-no,” you groaned when he did it again, more as a shock response than denial, although maybe it was an attempt at escaping the terrifyingly overwhelming onslaught of sensation.

“No?” Emet-Selch asked drawing away. He was still smirking. Of course he was. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“’s too much,” you told him. You were crying, you realized. Or maybe that was just the lack of ability to breathe, or the overwhelming rush of emotions and sensation. Suffocation. “I-I can’t.”

“That’s not true at all,” Emet-Selch said, curling his fingers as he pulled them out, dragging them purposefully across that spongey spot within you that made you writhe, your feet unintentionally kicking up before you forced yourself still. “While I freely admit that there a great many things of which you aren’t capable, coming undone beneath my touch is no great feat. There are few things as simple as accepting what is given to you.”

That wasn’t what you meant and he knew it, but you only shook your head, choking on another moan as he pushed his fingers back in. There was no resistance anymore, except for the way your inner walls sucked his fingers in, desperately seeking the promise of fulfillment. The sound was profane, utterly. Wet, the clapping of flesh with each heavy thrust. Whether or not he wanted you to respond, you didn’t know. It didn’t matter, you couldn’t respond. When his lips closed around your clit, you just moaned. Keeping your hands up and legs spread was all but impossible, you couldn’t help the way your hips bucked up against him, mindlessly trying to fuck yourself on his fingers, to get off.

Emet-Selch made a sound of displeasure, bracing an arm across your hips to keep you still. You were so close you could almost feel the sparkling coil of release, your body tightening in preparation as you recklessly sought that. Emet-Selch’s hair tickled your thighs and he was pressing hard against your abdomen to keep you in place and those things only made it more. That’s all pleasure was. More. Excess. The spiraling sensation of falling, of being consumed. The only thing that kept you grounded was the need to keep your body in place for him because you were certain that if Emet-Selch stopped now, you would actually combust.

But you did, and he didn’t.

Although you had been babbling and moaning and gasping the entire time, you were silent when you came, your mouth open and back arched and body finally becoming still, shot through with electric tension and the rapids of hot pleasure. From his tongue, his fingers, that sharp flash of heat and tension snapped and filled you. Everything at once was heavy and pressing and good. Emet-Selch’s hair tickling your thighs, his arm pressing too hard against you, the wicked slick sounds of his mouth against your clit, his fingers continuing to torture you with every heavy, hard thrust. And the pleasure, the tingling, sparking sensation that came with the realization of release. It was heavy and low and a lot, your cunt flaring and fluttering and clamping around him as he worked you through it.

All too soon, it was over. How he knew, you weren’t sure, but Emet-Selch stopped and shrugged off your thighs wider to sit up. The emptiness left when his fingers pulled out was uncomfortable. You wanted more, but you also didn’t. You shouldn’t have wanted it in the first place and as soon as that high faded somewhat from your mind, guilt and disgust took their place because you could hear how wet you were for him, the way you had exposed yourself, the way body had opened up so readily. The memory of his mouth was especially crude, very definitely wrong. It had felt so good, but now it just made you squirm.

You wanted it to be okay, and it wasn’t. But you couldn’t deny the feeling of loss. Almost curiously, Emet-Selch rubbed his thumb over your swollen clit, watching the way it made your hips jump with half realized desire.

“Eager for more?” he asked, far too pleased with the thought, far too composed. “I suppose I could be convinced. If you were to ask nicely.”

“I don’t… know,” you said, stumbling around the words because the idea of asking for more was nearly impossible, but you didn’t like the idea of leaving it here either. What you really wanted, deep down, was for him to push it further. To take away your choice so you didn’t have to admit what you wanted. He probably knew that. He knew he was driving you insane, that was the whole wretched point of this all.

“I see,” Emet-Selch said, letting you close your legs. You felt cold without him. He rolled his neck and brushed aside the lock of white hair hanging over one eye, fixing his shirt.

“Don’t you…?” you began to ask, propping yourself upright and pulling your discarded dress over yourself like a blanket. Your underwear had landed somewhere in the sheets, lost. Emet-Selch was still fully clothed. Not entirely as composed as he normally was, but not even half as bad as you. “Aren’t you…?”

“I am sufficiently entertained. Enough, at least, to remain patient.” He let out a heavy breath, dark eyelashes fluttering as he blinked a few times to steady himself. “I shall take my leave, however. I daresay a bit of space will benefit us both.”

VIII.

[Charcoal Pansies]

Emet-Selch was gone.

Usually, you found ways to occupy yourself. Even if only in menial, pretend ways. Learning new chess moves, reading, writing, drawing, organizing—anything to keep you from losing your mind in this seasonless, sunless prison. He had quite a few books on botany you’d been picking through, amazed to find sketches of plants you doubted even existed anymore, labeled in languages nobody spoke.

Concentrating on any of it would be impossible. You laid listless and still, staring up at the ceiling. All you could think about was the sensation of him touching you. The excitement, the anticipation, the pleasure. The filthiness. You bathed after he left, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t a physical imprint, but a reminder he’d branded into your body. Lethargic tears slipped down into your hair. Your thighs tensed in a continuous switch up of remembered arousal and protective disgust. And then came the ache, the craving. Why had he left you? Why hadn’t he stayed? Part of you thought that you would have let him do anything to do so long as it meant you didn’t have to be alone. You’d have let him hit you and bruise you and take you as long as it meant he would hold you afterward.

That was all you could think, all you could focus on, all you could want. To the very marrow of your bones and deeper, carved like heretic glyphs into the pit of your being, he had claimed you in the way the Unseen were always said to. It wasn’t just a deal that shackled you to him. It wasn’t just the ring you had grown used to wearing.

You had to get out of here. You had to get out or you would be stuck forever, happy in your cage because you were in love with the one who kept you. You needed to return to the mother whose image was getting fainter with each passing day and the home that felt so distant. You weren’t sure how long it would take until you couldn’t remember any details at all, or how much you could handle before you broke down completely. But when you slept, you didn’t dream of your home or your garden or your mother. You didn’t dream of the green, fresh world of the living. You dreamed of devious yellow eyes and that dangerous smirk. And when you woke up, your tears came only because you were alone.

IX.

[Sunset Snapdragons]

After that day, Emet-Selch acted as if it hadn’t happened. You expected him to return with expectations or a lecture or even lust, but instead you silently sat across from him as your stomach twisted itself into confounding knots, your thighs pressed together and eyes avoiding his as you waited for him to say something, to do something. But he seemed just as content with silently watching. Those unnerving yellow eyes tracked the movement of your thighs pressing together, relishing the blush you couldn’t hide, the way you couldn’t seem to sit still. And you were more than aware that all of these things together were an embarrassing giveaway, but it wasn’t as if you were capable of hiding anything from him to begin with.

“Is aught the matter with you?” he asked lightly, knowingly.

“No, why?” you asked, too high, too defensively.

“Your face is the most peculiar shade of red,” Emet-Selch told you with a smirk. “Not to mention the rapid drumming of your heart. Mayhap you’ve fallen ill. Shall I administer treatment?”

You tensed up, unable to stifle the way your breath caught as ideas of what sort of treatment he had in mind rolled through your head.

Not good.

As long as you had been here, you knew how things were. You knew the game he was playing, and the eventuality. Escape or eternity. You laid in his arms at night and kissed him and sat at his feet like a kept pet, and you knew what it meant. And yet you didn’t. You had no idea of the aftershocks of sexual intimacy, how it would make your skin crawl with disgust and shame yet burn so desperately for his touch. The contradiction of wanting to escape that unreadable yellow gaze altogether while throwing yourself into his arms tore you in half. You wanted to talk about what had happened, but you felt like if you did, it would end in tears. Or worse. You wanted to scream at him, and you wanted to beg that he never leave you again.

Was that the game? Sometimes existing like this felt so natural, so obvious, so normal that you forgot to question it. But everything Emet-Selch did was calculated and cruel. Controlled. Him taking you was not an accident, him breaking you down more and more was not an accident. Him making you come before abandoning you to the confusing storm of post-orgasm emotions was not at all an accident. His behavior now was by some kind of design.

“I’m fine, thank you,” you said.

And Emet-Selch didn’t call you out on your lie. He didn’t need to, his smirk said enough.

X.

[Black Ringed Poppies]

Emet-Selch was in a mood. Not angry, exactly, but certainly not in good spirits. Then again, you felt the same, caught between two minds. The monotony of isolation was grating on you more than usual, the tension and stress of playing this bizarre game with him becoming more intolerable by the minute. In the hours he had been gone, all you could think was that you wanted him to return. But now that he was here, all you felt was frustration and the smoldering need to express it somehow.

Things had gone too far. There had to be a breaking point, and you felt as if you’d reached it because every time you thought about coming on his hand, you wanted to tear your skin to shreds and you wanted to replicate his touch, to self-destruct with disgust and indulge in lust.

Why wouldn’t he do anything?

Why couldn’t you do anything?

These days, you cried a lot. You plotted and planned exactly what you would say to him, how you would broach the subject, and then when he returned, you couldn’t say anything at all. Emet-Selch expected you to choose between two intolerable options, and he had all the patience and time to wait for you to decide.

You lingered outside of the bathroom while he washed his face, perched on the edge of the bed where you were able to catch glimpses of him through the cracked door. Speaking to Emet-Selch when he was like this was probably a bad choice, but this hungry sense of desperation kept eating at you, a devouring need for interaction even if was negative. Part of you almost hoped it was negative. That was something tangible, at least.

Or maybe you were just afraid that if it weren’t negative, you would give in.

“Is something wrong?” you called to him. He definitely heard you. With only a sliver of the room visible, you caught the bend of his elbow going rigid at the question at the tone you used, but only momentarily. “You can tell me if something is bothering you.”

When he didn’t immediately respond, you looked down to pick at the hem of your skirt idly. It was another one of the many dresses that were too fancy to be sleepwear, but not appropriate enough to be worn in public. You’d grown so used to wearing them that it almost seemed strange to have spent most of your life suffering strict undergarments and toe-pinching shoes.

Emet-Selch finally emerged fresh faced, the front of his shirt wet where the water had dripped and that lock of white hair stuck to his forehead. Without the kohl lining his eyes, earring, and extravagant robes, Emet-Selch did lose a certain amount of severity. But he also seemed more intimidating, that aristocratic bearing intensifying significantly. His frown didn’t help.

“I don’t mean to pry,” you said quickly, not really meaning it, but feeling the need to back out just in case.

“And yet pry you do,” Emet-Selch said in a nearly dispassionate way. He sighed, his shoulders falling a bit. “I shall forgive you this—the source of my ill-humor is hardly a secret. While I enjoyed directing that self-important emperor in his noble conquest for a time, I’ve long grown bored of his idealistic drivel. There are few traits I find as unappealing as a fool who believes in his own lies.” His expression shifted then, dark humor twisting his mouth as he looked at you. “He and your mother have much in common, it really is no wonder they’re sworn enemies. ‘tis most unfortunate that those similarities manifest in increasingly infuriating ways.”

“The Emperor and my mother are nothing alike,” you said firmly, eyebrows furrowing with the slightest bit of the anger burning away in your gut. The admonishment wasn’t as strong as it should have been, you were completely taken aback not only by his substantive answer, but by the answer itself. Unconcerned with your response, Emet-Selch crossed the room to change his shirt, a process you very pointedly did not watch. Most of the time, you felt embarrassed by his seeming lack of boundaries when it came to changing clothes, or at least by his lack of care that you should see. Now you were too preoccupied to think about that, your thoughts whirling.

Emet-Selch never really spoke of the outside world, or what he did when he left. Your knowledge of the Unseen was limited enough that you had a hard time imagining what he could possibly be doing, but the idea that he was interacting with the human world shocked you. When you thought of the Empire, all that came to mind was that terrible, terrible night. The violence, the terror, fleeing through the woods. Being caught. Usually you just pretended it had been a nightmare, ignoring the shaky, nauseous memory of running and the pain and the fear. But now you forced yourself to remember, and then you thought about how it all came together. How convenient it all was.

Emet-Selch often made it a point to deride your intelligence. For the first time, you thought he might have had a point. Because you were stupid. How had you missed it? Or, at the very least, not thought about it being a possibility?

“Go on then,” Emet-Selch told you, breaking the tense silence as he turned around, dressed in a looser white shirt. “If there’s aught you wish to say, I suggest you avail yourself of it.”

That made your chest collapse with a heavy breath like you’d been hit. And you could have hemmed and hawed and hedged your way out of giving a direct answer, you could have stumbled your way through some explanation that he might believe.

“Were you responsible for the imperial attack the night we met?” you asked, the words too quick, tripping over themselves in fear of what they meant. You stood up to face his direction, but you couldn’t look at him, your eyes flicking every other direction for some anchor of safety. Saying it aloud felt ridiculous, but it also felt right.

“Was that not obvious?” Emet-Selch asked, unfazed. You turned around to look at him, your mouth falling open in shock at the easy admission.

“So, you were?”

“Are you really-“ he cut off the question, expressing a nearly theatrical display of his disbelief. “Certainly it would be clear to even the most dull-witted of men that I orchestrated the attack. Unless you are to believe in the convoluted workings of coincidence and fate, naught else makes sense.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked, your voice wobbling despite your best attempts to stay steady. “I thought that you were, that you...” That he was, what? A good person? Your friend? Your lover? You thought he would be honest with you? You shook your head, trying to clear it. “I could have died. My mother could have died. The kingdom could have fallen.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Emet-Selch chided. “The powers that be would have stepped in long before then. If I had any intention of toppling your mother’s ill-gotten crown, I wouldn’t have used such a crass method. An attack like that was certain to fail from the start.”

“It was like… like a gambit,” you said slowly.

“Ah," he said, drawing out the sound with dramatic glee, "so you have learned something after all.”

“If military domination wasn’t the goal, then why-why even bother?” you asked.

“Why indeed,” he said. You saw it in his eyes, the same mean red feeling that had been welling up inside of you, the same pent up well of toxic tension. It was often there, at least a little. Usually you took it as a sign to hide or attempt to appease him. You should have had the sense to leave.

"But I-I was a part of it?" you asked. The answer was obvious enough that you didn’t need to wait for Emet-Selch to say anything, you quickly moved on. “But how did you know I would call for your help?"

“It was hardly difficult. Acquiring you was a necessary step moving forward, but anything less than a fair exchange wouldn’t be binding. And to that end, only a genuine catastrophe would do.” Emet-Selch paused, his smile growing. “I had no idea you would play your part so spectacularly, I really didn’t. It was my hope that a suggestion from one close to you would inform your actions, but I hardly anticipated the zeal you would take to the task. As soon as you were free of your mother’s pesky veil, you called for me to save you. And I commend your performance, it was inspired. Moving. Even those ill-fated soldiers felt your desperation and passion. ”

“You did all of that just to get me?” you asked softly. Your throat had become thick, like it was swollen.

“Oh my, aren’t we conceded?” Emet-Selch asked. “Surely you’re not so vain to think that you would be worth that much effort. As I said, taking the crown princess was, of course, important, but it was a mere trifle compared to what that particular plan accomplished.”

“And what’s that?”

“You need not worry yourself about that now.”

“It’s not like I have anything else to worry about,” you told him, a hysterical edge to your voice. “Or anything to do other than wait for you, or listen to you, or let you...”

Just like that, the air was punched from your lungs. Because that was the heart of this, the sickly terrible innards of your helpless rage. A part of you must have known that he was responsible for the attack because you weren’t surprised. Instead you felt helpless, like the child you used to be pounding at a locked door, crying and begging to be let out. Only, you didn’t even have a door. If you were truly only here because of some practical reason related to his schemes, that meant that you weren’t important. That you, as yourself, had no value. And what were you supposed to do with that? With a sickeningly sharp slap of oddly visceral pain, you realized that you had entertained the idea that Emet-Selch actually liked you. You had allowed him to touch you and allowed yourself to grow more comfortable because, in your heart, you had the disturbingly romantic notion that you were something more to him.

But you weren’t. And you knew that.

It hurt. It hurt so bad you could have screamed.

“Why don’t you just kill me?” you asked, the back of your eyes burning with tears. “If taking the crown princess was all that you needed, why continue to torture me? You could have any girl, any-any woman…" That, more than anything, made you want to scream because the mere idea of anyone else taking your place was nearly physically agonizing. “It’s not like I—it’s not like I matter. I’m just a piece on the board, right? So kill me and be done with it.”

Emet-Selch studied you for an agonizingly long moment before responding. “Is that what this is?” he asked, his voice pitched high in disbelief. “You’ve worked yourself into a state of hysteria as a result of insecurity?”

“Shut up!” you shouted, nearly dizzy with the amount of anger you felt at hearing him reduce your feelings to the petty antics of a child. “That’s not it, it’s not like that.”

“Do not raise your voice at me, girl,” Emet-Selch said, approaching you with a decidedly stormy expression.

“Don’t come near me,” you told him, your breathing fast and shallow. “I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to leave right now. If you won’t let me then... then you might as well kill me. It doesn’t matter, right? So just...”

“You think death would free you from me?” Emet-Selch asked, amusement creeping back into the darkness of his expression.

“I don’t care!” you said, shaking your head. “I don’t want to be here anymore. I hate playing these games and being alone and… and I don’t even matter, I know I don’t. I can’t take it, I can’t or I’ll...” Something within you crashed, the anger stifled beneath the weight of grief, of self-pity, of shame. “Please, I want to go home. I have to see my mother.”

“Oh, not this again,” Emet-Selch said, exasperated. He was so much taller, blocking the light. His terrible posture didn’t make things better, either. If anything, it just made his silhouette more intimidating. And he was going to touch you, to grab you. Why not? You’d let him do worse at this point. You’d let him do whatever he wanted, you were complicit in it all. “I had hoped you were beyond this. You made an oath to-“

“Don’t touch me,” you demanded again, your voice becoming oddly shrill as you lashed out. Emet-Selch caught your wrist before your hand could make contact with his chest the way you intended, his entire body going still.

“This is-”

He stared at your hand for a moment before laughing, seemingly caught between annoyance and amusement, his grip around your wrist tightening to the point you were certain he would break it. The expression Emet-Selch wore when he met your eyes froze you to your core.

“Have I not given you aught I could in order to see your needs met? Have I not been honest with you—patient with you? I assure you, there are few others from whom I would tolerate such insolence.”

“Let me go,” you said, panicked as you tried to free your arm. It didn’t matter, his grip was like a vice. “I ought to remove this hand,” Emet-Selch told you. “That might stop you from attempting to attack your master in the future.”

"No,” you said, pulling even harder to get your arm away from him.

Before you could make sense of the shift, Emet-Selch pushed you flush against the wall. All the air in your lungs let out with a heavy sound and you squealed, pushing against his chest. It was easy for him to gather your wrists in his hand, pinning them above your head.

“Careful, now,” he advised.

“Stop,” you told him, trying desperately to pull free. “You’re hurting me.”

“And yet,” Emet-Selch said sharply, “it could get much, much worse. Shall I show you? Would you like to know what it truly feels like to wish for death?”

That made you go limp, all of your fight dying as you thought about the horrors he could inflict upon you. Everything you knew about true pain came from that night in the woods, and even now your memories were distant. All that remained was the sickening heat, the searing agony racing up your leg, the shredded bits of skin oozing blood into the soil. You shook your head frantically, terror filling you at the promise of pain in his eyes.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please stop.”

“Do you think those tears will invite my pity?” Emet-Selch asked. “I’m afraid to say that they’re having the opposite effect. I’ve no sympathy for this pathetic display.”

You met his eyes with the intent to make an appeal, but you could see the truth. The coldness in his eyes, gold frosted over.

“It is as they say, spare the rod and spoil the child. You have been spoiled your entire life, no doubt by your doting mother.”

“Emet-Selch, please,” you said, knowing you sounded exactly as pathetic as he accused you of being but unable to control yourself. “I’m sorry, please.”

After a moment, it seemed as if your words, surprisingly, had an effect. Something within his gaze shifted. You realized a second later that it wasn’t in a good way.

“If you were sorry,” he said, his voice softer, “why would you instigate this petty quarrel in the first place? I’ve my theories, but I’ll allow you the chance to explain yourself.”

“I don’t have a-a reason,” you said. “I just…” You wanted to leave. You didn’t want to be here. It was driving you insane, you were losing your mind in the monotony of a place that never changed, losing your sanity in the company of a being as frightening and mercurial as Emet-Selch. And the fact that you wanted him to do more, to touch you, to care about you, was a sign of actual madness. If you were in your right mind, you could reject those feelings. You had to believe that. You couldn’t bear this anymore. And he had to know what you felt, he must have. But you couldn’t tell him those things, not looking into his eyes while he loomed above you, not with the fresh reminder that you were utterly at his mercy.

“Nothing?” Emet-Selch repeated. “That’s hardly a compelling motivation. Your actions tell a very different story.” He paused, as if waiting for you to ask. But you didn’t. “To wit, your behavior reeks of desperation and insecurity.”

He finally let you go, stepping away. You almost fell over, having to steady yourself against the wall.

“If you desired my attention, I assure you that this was a poor method of receiving it.”

Sniffing pathetically, you got your balance. Emet-Selch’s back was to you, as if he was already disinterested in your inner turmoil. That just made things worse. Angry, hurt, confused. Emotionally devastated. You couldn’t even say exactly why—why now, why it was so strong right then, what was truly the breaking point—but the barrage of pressure overcame all reason. Emet-Selch’s threats weren’t veiled, but you were too hot, emotion pressing so hard to get out of your skin that you felt like you would burst unless you acted on it.

“I don’t want your attention,” you said with as much venom as you could muster, your voice wobbling out of control. “I-I hate you. You took advantage of me and-and… You ruined my life.” Your words wavered uncertainly in the silence for a moment, drawn out and tinny.

Emet-Selch rubbed a hand across his face, shaking his head. “Would it be too much to accept my leniency with grace?” he snapped. He looked over his shoulder at you, genuine disgust in his expression. “Oh, yes, of course it would be. For you.” He turned to you in full, staring down at you with such utter contempt it made your breath hitch. “Tell me, what life is it that I ruined? Your pathetic, boring existence was to be spent languishing in your mother’s palace, keeping her kingdom intact and none the wiser to the ways in which she exploited you. You think she loved you? You poor, pathetic little fool. What do you think would happen if you returned—that she would invite you back with open arms? Nay, she would sniff out my scent upon your skin and have you cleansed in boiling water and clapped in cold iron.”

You shook your head. “That’s ridiculous and-and,” you stumbled on those words, your brain unable to come up with anything more apt than, “that’s ridiculous, I won’t believe your evil lies.”

“Must I remind you that I do not lie?” he asked. “More’s the pity, I don’t doubt that you would be happier if I were to lie to you.”

“I could never be happy with you,” you said, your hands clenched into tight fists at your side.

“Oh, but you have been happy,” he said, slowly and with emphasis. You shook your head again, rejecting the very idea of that. Emet-Selch watched your face with great interest, his eyes becoming alight with amusement. “Is that why you’ve gotten yourself so thoroughly worked up? Because you know, deep down, that you feel a sense of belonging here? Does it truly burn you so that you enjoy being with me?” You shook your head once more, blinking tears and beyond words. He smirked. “I understand perfectly well. You were, after all, the one who so proudly proclaimed you would never like or trust me.”

“And I don’t,” you insisted, taking a few awkward steps forward, your foot practically stopping with emphasis on the statement. “You know that’s not how I feel.”

“And again, you accuse me of lying,” Emet-Selch said, his mood shifting once more to a familiarly theatrical exhaustion. “I suppose if I expect you to be honest with yourself, I must bear the burden of proof.”

You should have known it was a bad idea. You had all but invited it by getting nearer to him. Because you were a fool, because you underestimated danger. Because, on some level, maybe you felt like this was the only way things could end. There was nowhere else to go.

“No—hey! What are you doing!?” you asked, putting up a decent struggle when he grabbed you, dread sinking hot into your gut as you squirmed and fought, trying to get away. Despite that, Emet-Selch had no issue turning you around and pushing you down onto the table, bending you over in an incredibly suggestive way. But you weren’t surprised either, not entirely. “He-hey stop!”

“Why? This must have been what you wanted, acting as you have,” Emet-Selch said, his hand wrapping around to the front of your neck to pull you up. You clawed at his arm, but it was pointless. His free hand lifted your skirt, pushing your panties down. You protested, pressing your thighs together, but he ignored that. “I wonder… Perhaps it comes from a subconscious desire to have your behavior corrected. It’s clear that you have been deprived of beneficially strict guidance, ‘tis only natural to seek it out in other ways.” He sighed heavily. “Such a bother.”

“No, I-“ Whatever you meant to say was cut off by the way he shoved his fingers into your mouth. Roughly, making you drool and choke on them. His other hand continued to hold you still by the neck, your body jerking and twitching in your pathetic attempts to free yourself.

“What a mess,” Emet-Selch said disapprovingly, sounding utterly detached to the muffled sounds of your protests as his fingers explored your mouth. It wasn’t entirely sexual, but it felt dirtier than anything else he’d done, saliva spilling out of your mouth and down your chin, your lips kept open for him to thrust his fingers in and out, mimicking something far lewder. You whimpered, closing your eyes, your legs clamped together as tightly as possible. For all the good it would do. He easily kicked your feet apart, wedging your thighs open with his knee. When his fingers pulled out of your mouth, that hand immediately dropped between your legs while his other pressed you flat to the tabletop. There was no barrier to keep him from touching you.

“Stop,” you protested, still fighting in your futile struggle.

“At what junction of human evolution was it decided that fear and arousal should so closely resemble one another?” Emet-Selch asked. You weren’t wet, but his fingers were. He used your saliva to slick his fingers between the outer lips of your pussy, easily finding your clit and rubbing against it. It didn’t matter that you weren’t wet because you were hypersensitive and frantic, and the promising beginnings of pleasure had your cunt clamping down hard around nothing in honest anticipation. Your body bucked against his, but Emet-Selch was heavier and stronger than you and your struggling barely displaced him. “The confusion could very well be unique to you. You do seem to enjoy protesting that which you desire.”

“I don’t…” you said, trying to reject the feeling of pleasure as he continued to work against your clit. It was too fast to be strictly good, but Emet-Selch knew what he was doing. Worse, your body remembered how things went last time. Already there was more give with each movement, blood rushing down between your legs to meet the demand of pleasure. “Please, stop, I—”

“This was… inevitable,” Emet-Selch told you, his hand tightening around the back of your neck, his fingers working tight little circles over your swelling clit that you had you writhing for completely different reasons. “Your kind is defined by so many unsavory traits, traits that you gleefully embody. Self-absorbed, consumed by emotion, and equipped with the belief you are entitled to act in any way you see fit. You only have yourself to blame now. But, by all means, continue to beg. You are most suited to it.”

You whined in distress as he teased your entrance. Between your saliva and your body’s natural reaction to pleasure, there was enough lubrication for Emet-Selch to work a finger into your pussy, quickly joined by another. You definitely weren’t wet enough for that, but that didn’t stop him.

“N-n-no,” your denial stuttered out of your mouth with a whine. He wasn’t being careful, or trying to work you into it. This was punishing, it was meant to hurt as he established a too-fast pace, keeping you pinned down so you had no choice but to take it. “Please, it... hurts,” you whined, hoping he would pity you.

“Tell me,” Emet-Selch said, ignoring your protests and the depraved sound of his hand slapping against you each time he drove his fingers as deep as they could go. And even if you didn’t want it, you could feel the way things were going, the way your body was responding. It hurt now, but that wasn’t going to last. And the roughness wasn’t doing anything to curb your body’s traitorous response. “How does it feel?”

“Stop,” you told him. Struggling just made it worse, made you feel his fingers more acutely. The way they thrust and curled into you, filling the room with the slick squishing sound as you became more and more receptive. “Please stop.”

He clicked his tongue. “That,” Emet-Selch said sharply, “is not an answer. Try again.”

“It hurts,” you whined, stressing the word as if you could make it true with your own insistence.

“It hurts?” he repeated, his voice higher with doubt. Mocking. His fingers twisted, curled, scissoring in a way that really did hurt, but it also didn’t. You couldn’t get in a breath. You couldn’t shut it out. Emet-Selch punished your silence with a few hard thrusts that had you rocking forward on your toes, saliva pooling thick on your tongue. The moan you couldn’t bite back was too honest to deny, loud enough to hear over the filthy sound of him finger fucking you. “Answer me, girl. Does this hurt?”

“Y—es!” The word got cut in half because Emet-Selch pushed you further forward and upward at the same moment, removing the pressure on your neck. Your feet were barely on the ground, your toes scrambling for traction as you tried to squirm away. He made an annoyed sound, pulling his fingers out of you and flipping you around onto your back. Your head hit the table too hard, a heavy sound punched out of your lungs.

“Let us have a look, then, hm?” Emet-Selch said, spreading your thighs apart. You tried to push your skirt down, to knock away his hands, but he easily pinned one of your wrists to the table, squeezing it so tightly that you feared he’d break it. When you stopped fighting, his grip loosened.

Realizing that you couldn’t stop him, you squeezed your eyes shut to the view of him peering between your legs. His fingers slid across your slit, nudging your clit in a way that made you gasp. When they slowly sunk into you, you swore you saw stars, your pussy clamping down like a vice to suck them deeper.

“S-stop,” you said, the word slurred and tight.

“Does it hurt?” Emet-Selch cruelly asked, pulling out slowly.

You just shook your head, nodding and moaning through your teeth when he roughly pushed back in, adding a third finger on the second pass. It didn’t hurt at all anymore. Worse, you wanted more. You wanted to get off, wanted to feel the build and snap of pleasure just like last time.

“I suppose it must hurt, what with the way you’re crying,” Emet-Selch mused. “It would not reflect well on you if you were able to find pleasure in despair.”

He released your wrist so he could touch your clit in time with each thrust, you choked on your cry, fingers bunching tight into your dress in search of some kind of anchor.

“No,” you got out, still shaking your head as if you weren’t getting closer and closer to coming all over his hand, splayed out across the table. His hand, the one casually playing with your clit, pressed heavy and firm right above where his fingers continued thrust into you. You felt delirious, panting and sweating and flushed and so desperate to get off it was the brink of madness.

“Do you hear this?” He punctuated the cruel question with a few distinctly sharp thrusts, the sounds graphic enough to make his point for him. You whimpered, shaking your head again. “If you admit the truth,” Emet-Selch began, “I may take pity on you.”

"I'm… I can't, I'm-"

“Does it hurt?” he asked.

“No,” you finally admitted, the word broken.

“Do you want me to let you finish? Shall I allow you to come on my hand and expose every pathetic lie you’ve felt so emboldened to tell?”

“Yes,” you said, squinting your eyes open to look at him through tear-coated eyelashes, your back arching because those terrible, awful words appealed to a feral sense of hungry, hot need within you. “Yes, please. Please-" It was too much. You gasped, thighs trembling and taut as you reached your limit, the fizzling threads of pleasure promising to snap with just a little more-

Emet-Selch pulled away at the very last second. Your hips jerked in an attempt to chase his fingers, a desperate and pathetic cry leaving your mouth. Fresh tears slipped down your cheeks, mingling with the sweat.

“Please,” you begged shakily. “I just want to… Please…”

Emet-Selch let your thighs drop, stepping away to pull you upright by the front of your dress. You swayed dizzily, your lower back painfully pressed into the edge of the table and legs like jelly. He loomed above you, but you stared at his chest rather than look at his expression, panting and mourning the loss of friction.

“Please,” you begged again. “Please, I was so close. Please, Emet-Selch, I-“

"Look at me,” he said.

You shook your head, closing your eyes instead because you knew what this was, and it was far too cruel. Emet-Selch grabbed your chin, forcing your face forwards with fingers that were wet and smelled musky like you. It hurt, and you knew he wouldn’t let you go unless you complied. Trying desperately just to breathe, you opened your eyes.

Emet-Selch held you there, searching for something. You weren’t sure what he expected. You didn’t even have the strength to look at him defiantly, yours must have been the most pathetic face he’d ever seen. Still half caught in a lustful haze, you mourned the shy attraction you felt, the way you couldn’t meet his eyes for more than a handful of seconds.

Eventually, it seemed like he found whatever he’d been looking for. Rather than being pleased with it, Emet-Selch’s expression darkened as he peeled his body away from yours completely. Without his support, your trembling legs gave out and you fell at his feet, your breathing uneven and body burning in humiliation and unfulfilled lust and disgust and hatred and self-pity. Without the carpet, your head would have bounced against the floor. As it was, all you got was a solid blow that had your brain knocking against your skull.

“Are you so desperate that you would grovel at my feet like a dog?” he asked. “It’s just as well, you make for quite the pathetic bitch.” That word ran through you like an electric shock and you began to sit up, fresh tears of rage and humiliation searing the back of your eyes and mouth open with some form of protest. Emet-Selch readily pushed you back down, the tread of his boot digging into the back of your neck until your face was all but smushed into the floor and all you could do was whine. “Stay there,” he demanded, his voice dripping distaste. “Although you don't yet seem to realize, it is where you belong."

“Emet-Selch, please,” you mumbled, your tears dripping down into the rug. He let up a bit, allowing you a few inches space from the floor.

“And so comes the begging,” he said with a sigh. “Very well. Beg.”

“Please,” you muttered, doing as he said regardless of the humiliation, too desperate to be let up to care about degrading yourself. “Please stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Please let me up,” you asked, your hands forming fists beneath you to stop their shaking. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For-for misbehaving.”

“Be specific, girl. Tonight alone you have, as you say, ‘misbehaved’ a number of times in ways both petty and grievous. Given your limited capacity, I shall accept an apology for but a single instance.”

“I’m sorry for pick-picking a fight,” you said, hoping your regret and shame would read as apologetic. You sniffed pathetically. “I shouldn’t have. Truly, Emet-Selch. I am so so-sorry.”

“And to whom do you belong?” he asked pitilessly.

You closed your eyes in defeat, a different sort of shame working through you. “You.”

“What was that?”

“You,” you said, louder so he could hear. “I belong to you.”

That statement lingered for just a moment, the sound of it taking a very physical and sharp shape because it wasn’t just the contract you swore. It was the rapid thump and pulse of remembered denied pleasure between your legs, it was the heady weight of his disappointment and displeasure that struck you in the chest. It was everything, all of this.

"I believe I’ve proven my point,” Emet-Selch said sharply, the pressure removed from your neck. Moving slowly, afraid of being pushed back down, you sat up enough to look up at him through wet lashes. Emet-Selch looked down at you imperiously, no trace of affection or even lust in his eyes. “You may go.”

“Emet-Selch-“

“Your continued presence here will henceforth be viewed as consent to aught I wish to do with you,” he said, turning away from you. “If you have any desire to spare yourself, you will leave.”

The threat worked. At this point, you weren’t sure if he meant that he would fuck you or torture you. Afraid of both, or maybe afraid of the impulse that wasn’t afraid at all, you got onto your unsteady legs, shaking so hard you almost fell twice. He stood with his back to you, body tense. You hurried out of the bedroom and into the library. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t lit like it was during what you thought was probably daytime, you could find the pathetic pile of blankets you used as a bed in complete darkness. You had been sleeping like this less and less, all too accustomed to being in his bed. In his arms. Collapsing onto them, you wrapped yourself up in a blanket cocoon, staring at the thin sliver of light from the bedroom.

Not long after, Emet-Selch shut the door, removing the light altogether. And you were alone, free to cry in the dark as you pleased. As much as you wished for strength in that moment, to draw upon anger and hatred to steady you, all you could feel was the overwhelming oppression of heartbreak and the horrible, detestable yearning for him to comfort you.

XI.

[Cream-Colored Honeysuckle]

When Emet-Selch arrived, you didn’t acknowledge it, burying your face in the pages of the nearest book. When he greeted you, you didn’t answer. When he sighed in annoyance, taking off his coat, you stayed absolutely still, trying to discern his mood from only your peripheral view of him.

That was the way this went. He would become disinterested in attempting to force your attention, and you would run away and hide.

“What is it that you hope to gain by continuing to ignore me if not my ire?” Emet-Selch finally asked. You glared even harder at the pages of the book you weren’t reading, curling further into yourself.

“I’m busy,” you told him, knowing full well that he might get angry at your rejection but feeling too upset to care. Let him get mad, let him hurt you. It didn’t matter, it didn’t matter, it didn’t-

He pulled the book right out of your hands, moving too fast for you to stop him.

“I was reading that,” you protested, scrambling upright and reaching out to get it back. Emet-Selch pulled it away at the last moment, making you topple to the side. The sharp pain of landing on your tailbone was insignificant compared to the embarrassment of falling. Again. Your knees were bruised from falling twice before.

“Reading... upside down?” Emet-Selch asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” you said, stubbornly setting your jaw as you sat up. He rolled his eyes dramatically, setting it aside.

“Come now, let us be civil,” he offered, extending his hand to help you to your feet.

This was all wrong. Emet-Selch was supposed to be mad, or defensive. He was supposed to come with excuses or anger or something other than a smile and playful demeanor. After everything that happened, you wanted him to be upset because at least that would give you an excuse, at least then you wouldn’t feel so confused about the anger and fear swirling up hot in your head.

But he wasn’t.

Unable to think of a way to reject it, you accepted the help. Emet-Selch’s grip was firm and steady. His hand felt human, flesh and blood and bone. He had you fooled, sometimes. Thinking that hurt so badly it was physical. Yes, you were a fool.

Rather than releasing you, Emet-Selch pulled you even closer, causing you to stumble awkwardly as you tried to avoid colliding with his body. Anger pulsed within you, rage and betrayal, but so did the jittery nerves that came with being near him. You had spent every moment since he left contemplating on what you would do when he reappeared, what you would say to him. He deserved anger, and disgust, and to be yelled at until you were blue in the face. He had hurt, humiliated, and abandoned you. But now that he was here, you couldn’t string together a single sentence. You couldn’t even look at him.

“That racing heart of yours sounds fit to burst right out of your chest,” Emet-Selch noted casually, looking down at you with that unreadable half-smirk you’d become so accustomed to. It was more than you could take to meet his eyes, but there was nowhere else. Nothing else. Emet-Selch was barely touching you and yet your senses were overflowing with him. His smell, his warmth, his physically commanding presence, and the mere inches between the two of you, crackling with tension. “You’re frightened of me.”  

You swallowed hard, feeling your breath catch. ”You said you wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t ready for,” you told him, staring hard at his chest.

“But you were more than ready to strike me,” Emet-Selch countered. “Not even I have stooped so low.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, closing your eyes. “I said I was sorry.“

“And I punished you in a way that resulted in no injury, doing naught that you hadn’t previously allowed me to do. I believe I proved my point well, given the circumstances.”

“Punishment?” you asked, pulling away from him . “That wasn’t punishment, that was... It was...”

“Mayhap I took things a bit far,” he allowed lightly, stopping you from finishing that statement. “For that, you will have to forgive me.”

Forgive him? To even ask that of you was so terribly cruel, so awful. He’d put his boot on your neck and made you beg like, as he said, a bitch. But you would forgive him, you knew you would. That had been the boiling point. Now you knew, and he knew too. It wasn’t up to you or him that you would forgive his actions, it just was. Thinking that burned hot at the back of your eyes because it wasn’t fair, but there was nothing you could do. He said it was punishment. Because you had been upset, because you lashed out. Because you were breaking apart and he thought it was a bid for attention and you weren’t even sure that he was wrong.

“Promise that you’ll never do it again,” you said, trying to hold out, to feign the strength you knew you didn’t have.

“Oh, gladly,” he said. “Assuming, of course, that you promise to never again behave in such a churlish fashion.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at the unfairness of that answer, the impossibility of making such a promise.

“Thank you,” you said, the words coming out bitter and small.

“Oh, don’t pout,” Emet-Selch told you. “I’ve no use for your misery. Frustrating as you have proven to be, I confess that I’ve grown accustomed to your presence. You provide... well, decent entertainment.” He paused, drawing in a breath as if admitting something tedious. “I may go so far as to call you charming, on occasion.”

“I considered myriad gifts that might keep you occupied,” he continued, eyes narrowed slightly at your response, “but I doubted you would be easily entertained by trinkets or luxuries. Not you, the primavera princess.”

“I don’t want anything from you,” you said, but your conviction was already faltering.

“What is it, precisely, that you think you have to gain by rejecting my generosity?” he snapped. “Surely it is preferable to my displeasure.”

“No, I-I’m sorry,” you said, your voice falling with defeat. “All I want is to know why I’m here. I-I know I overreacted, but I don’t understand what’s in it for you.”

He barely considered your question before shrugging. “I was bored.”

“But you said,” you began, forcing yourself to remain calm and steady, “you said that our—our deal was a part of your plan. Why?”

“Ignorance is bliss, girl,” Emet-Selch responded. He tilted your chin upward, once again forcing you to look into his pale eyes as he searched for something. The honesty of his expression frightened you, you couldn’t figure out whether or not to believe it.

“I want to know,” you pled. “Please, I won’t... I won’t be mad. I just want to know.”

“You should not make promises you have no intention to keep,” Emet-Selch chided you. “Know that I do this as much for your sake as I do my own. Truly, it is in your best interest to dispense with any concern you carry for the outside world. To be distracted by that which is beyond your control will only cause you unnecessary stress.”

Rejection welled up as an instant rebuke to his words, but Emet-Selch wasn’t being cruel in the way you could fight with indignance. He was right. If you were stuck here anyway, what was the point in knowing that bad things were happening? If you were given space, that might not have been your conclusion, but your thoughts were twisted around his proximity, confused and drifting and uncertain. A dozen different responses came to you—objections, arguments, demands, even threats. But it all fizzled out like ocean froth. You couldn’t argue, and you couldn’t be mad at him, you weren’t even sure you could remain frightened of him, not when your body was all too willing to melt in his arms. It didn’t matter what he did, or what he said. Even the information you wanted felt so far away and hazy, almost even unimportant. And he was here, right here. Physical and present and warm and familiar.

You breathed out, closing your eyes to center yourself before looking up at him. “Okay,” you said, grabbing his hand from your chin to take it in your own. He held you a moment, maintaining eye contact, before allowing it to drop.

“Good,” he said, like that was a matter settled and not the terrifying realization it truly was. “Well, this worked out splendidly. Now, come along. I have no doubt that this will brighten your poor mood.”

“What will?” you asked as Emet-Selch walked around you. You turned around to follow him, confused. It was short lived. Only a second passed before your eyes found what was different. Inset into the wall, a door. A door that, despite how naturally it suited its surroundings, hadn’t been there before. Even seconds before, you could have sworn it wasn’t there. You took a step toward it, your uncertainty becoming burning curiosity.

“That’s new,” you said.

“Indeed.”

“Where does it go?” you asked, your voice softer.

“Can you not spare even a moment of patience?” Emet-Selch asked dryly. You chased after him, waiting with bated breath as he reached out to open the door, all at once excited and nervous and frightened and curious. Nothing ever changed down here, but now something had.

The heady green scent of fresh grass hit you as soon as the door was pulled open, and then the natural fragrance of flowers in bloom. Growth and earth, the ancient and enduring smell of life in its purest form. You took a few steps forward while blinking rapidly, stunned into disbelief by the sight that greeted you.

“What is this?” you asked softly.

“It’s yours,” Emet-Selch said, pushing you further forward, just a bit. Just enough to get you past the threshold.

Lightheaded, you left the familiar room that had held you for so long, unable to fully comprehend the significance of freedom even in this minute state. The paving stones were cool and smooth against your bare feet, weaving a path through the garden to invite the passive enjoyer on a leisurely stroll. A short collection of steps took you to the grassy clearing, a verdant sea boasting nature’s finest art. It wasn’t just a garden; it was a paradise. Thick tangles that you only knew from the books you’d found in the library lined the path, their crawling greenery decorated with pearl-like white buds. Rich red roses climbed an arching trellis. The rainbow bulbs of tulips swayed below. Trees above formed a canopy of shade over the path, a stately white gazebo tastefully constructed amidst the plots. Between them bubbled and rushed a little brook, splashing along and over shiny rocks. Above, the sun glowed red like an ember in a sky of murky smoke. Despite that, the air was bright like mid-day, as if the light shone independently of any discernible source. Magic, most certainly. It didn’t make sense, but you decided that it didn’t matter. The air smelled fragrant and fresh, the grass spongy and soft beneath your bare feet. Flowers and plants and leaves danced in a gentle breeze that seemed to come from nowhere, whispering to one another.

You spun around to face Emet-Selch, blinking tears you only just realized had formed. He hadn’t followed you, remaining in the shade. Still, he looked pleased as he scanned the garden he’d created. Not the mean display of pleasure he often put on, but true satisfaction. He was handsome, you couldn’t help but focus on that. Sometimes you didn’t notice, or it didn’t register. But right then, it was all you could think. He was beautiful, and terrifying. The sight of him smiling slightly and framed in paradise struck you with a feeling far more lucid, far more powerful, than you had ever felt. Like a missive from on high, it came upon you as divine. Your chest swelled and heart ached, your cheeks warming up with an emotion other than embarrassment. In your stomach buzzed the angry flutter of hundreds of little wings. You thought you were going to scream, and cry, and laugh. Every single emotion you had ever felt brewed up hot and anxious, heavy in your lungs and throat and pumping hot in your veins.

All at once, you were overwhelmed with the strong desire to claw at the soil and dig up the roots of each plant, to rip the flowers apart with your bare hands and let the thorns tear your skin, to add your blood to the unnatural earth. To destroy his false paradise and reveal the horrible cruelty he had shown in creating it at all, to let out your helpless rage and anger and hatred and fear with the only form of rebellion you thought would hurt him.

At the same time came this weak, tremulous, affectionate need to throw yourself at Emet-Selch with open arms, to bury your head in his chest and weep with gratitude and pathetic desperation and the need for something far too intimate to name. For you, he created this beautiful place. Because he knew you, because he understood you in some way. You. For you. You wanted to cherish it, to thank him in every way you knew how, to drop at his feet and beg his forgiveness for being so difficult.

You wanted to demand to go home with the same breath you would use to beg for him to hold you, and you wanted it all so badly it hurt, so badly that it created a disastrous whirlwind held captive between your bones, something far too violent to withstand.

He caught your eye and you wondered if he knew, if he understood.  

“Are you coming?” you asked him.

“Mmm, no. I best not," he said with a smile. "I shall leave you to enjoy it in peace.”

"No,” you said just a bit too loud, taking a few steps back toward him without thinking about it. “Please… Please stay?"

Emet-Selch’s head tilted, his eyes studying your face carefully. You saw something there, a consideration for your request you hadn’t seen before. You took a few more steps. Confusion made your head spin. Given a beautiful garden, the first new thing you had seen in who knows how long, and all you could think was that you didn’t want him to go. Pathetic.

“I don’t want to-to be alone,” you admitted.

Emet-Selch looked at you a moment longer before he shook his head indulgently. “Very well,” he said, coming into the garden. “I suppose I must not fault your weakness, foolish and feeble thing that you are.”

You closed the distance between the two of you, unsure of what you intended until you had already thrown your arms around his waist, clinging to him with all your strength. Emet-Selch was solid, steady. His body was familiar to you, even comfortable. You clung to him, feeling the grand swell of emotion become too heavy to stifle any longer. Tears rushed forth before you could stop them, your arms tightening around him in search of comfort.

For once, Emet-Selch had nothing to say about your pathetic behavior. Instead, he wrapped his arms around you.

How long had it been since anyone held you while you cried? But it wasn’t just being given that which you were deprived, it was Emet-Selch. Even if he was the cause of your pain, his were the only arms you wanted.  

“Silly girl,” he muttered, running his hand through your hair in a contrastingly gentle way to the normally mocking words.

The feeling that swelled so heavy in your chest, the one that encompassed every emotion you had ever felt, it had to be love. Love for him.

You loved him.

XII.

[Wintry Sun Daffodils]

Emet-Selch was surprisingly delicate in the way he admired the delicate red blooms, nudging the bottom with the side of his finger to admire the striking color against the white of his glove. Nerves tingled through you at his inspection. Although he had been the one to create the garden, you had control over the design. The flowers seemed to spring up almost as soon as they were planted. In some ways, it felt cheap to have such complete control over what was meant to be natural. But you couldn’t say you hated it, either.

“If I’m remembering correctly, your inclusion of flowers such as these is most ironic,” Emet-Selch said.

You nodded, giving a shrug that he couldn’t see with his back still turned. Planting poppies might have seemed a strange choice, but they looked very nice alongside the petunias. “They’re very beautiful, don’t you think? Besides, I thought... well, they seemed fitting.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “More than you know.”

“It’s strange to be able to plant what I please regardless of the season, or even what would be possible,” you said, sidestepping that oddly pointed comment. “Everything here grows perfectly.”

“Fragrant, fresh, fair—yes, it is perfect.” He stood up, turning around to face you. “Your mother was clever to keep your abilities hidden behind the guise of the Unseen threat. If she hadn’t cloaked your gifts beneath the suffocating veil of that barrier, there’s no doubt that those of a particular sort would descend upon you in droves. Regardless of what she believes, you were most certainly her greatest success.”

You stared at him, confused. It was hard to tell when he was teasing and when he was serious. Playing into either never worked out well for you, it was best to answer as neutrally as possible. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

“Cultivation and preservation,” Emet-Selch said, gesturing as he began to walk around the garden, circling you. “Power imbued in you despite your very human form. Ingenious, really. I am more than capable of simple creation, but to sustain life is another matter entirely. Without my aid, these flowers ought to have withered and died by now, but your attention has been enough to see them thrive.” He paused in front of the trellis with its cloak of roses, dryly adding, “What a wonder.”

“Is this a joke?” you asked, hesitantly confused.

“No, it is not. Haven’t you ever wondered why your mother’s kingdom flourished where other’s lands became infertile and barren?” he asked. “Or why those within her palace seem to possess nearly supernatural longevity?”  

You bit your lip, swaying on your feet as you considered what he was saying. “You’re saying that has something to do with me?”

“Not at all,” Emet-Selch told you. “I’m saying it has everything to do with you.”

“But that would mean that...” You hesitated, conclusions drawing in your head. Unhappy conclusions. “She was using me?”

“Of course she was,” Emet-Selch said seriously, not a trace of humor on his face.

“I-I never knew about anything like that,” you said, still confused, waiting for him to pull the rug out from under you.

“You wouldn’t. One does not relinquish an advantage when it is so easily maintained. Telling you the truth would be to shift control into your clumsy hands.”

“Why are you telling me this?” you asked him.

“I’ve learned all there is to learn by observing your passive use of these abilities, I see little point in keeping it from you now.”

“You’re using me too,” you said.

“Oh yes,” he readily agreed. “Such is the nature of our contract. But ere you work yourself into a fit, rest easy knowing that I’ve no interest in taking advantage of your unnaturally granted gifts. Fascinating as they are in composition, the magic is hardly unique.” He turned back to the roses, admiring them for a moment. “Still, maintaining a garden in the very heart of the Underworld is no small feat.”

“The Underworld?” you asked with a start. “Is that where we are?”  

“Have you not yet realized...?” Emet-Selch began, turning to you with a condescending sort of smile that you would almost call fond. “No, you wouldn’t, I suppose.”

“What was I supposed to realize?” you asked, frowning at the insult. “You never tell me anything.”

“Do not mistake my words as a critique, I’ve come to find your straightforward approach quite endearing,” he said, spreading his hands in a placating gesture. “Would that I could enjoy that same serene vacancy of thought. I daresay I would be happier for it.”

“I wonder if you’d be any nicer,” you said.

“Oh dear, have I upset you?” Emet-Selch asked, saccharinely sweet.

“More importantly,” you said, brushing past his teasing , “if we’re in the Underworld, and this is your domain, does make you... King of the Underworld?”

He smiled and shook his head, clearly amused by the question.

“Why is that funny?” you asked, eyebrows furrowing because you could tell he was making fun of you, but you weren’t sure why this time.

He shrugged, looking at you with that same discomforting fondness. “I am struck once more by the synchronicity of your demeanor and title.”

“What does that have to do with anything? I don’t understand,” you said, frustrated.

“A feeling you’re well acquainted with, I’m sure,” he noted lightly. “But never you mind about any of that. I’m simply exhausted. Make yourself useful and draw a bath, hm?” Emet-Selch scanned you, his lips pursing. “You’ll have to join me, I suppose.”

Your stomach flipped. “Wait, that’s not-“

Emet-Selch held up a hand, stopping any protest. “I’m not inviting you into my bed covered in dirt.” 

The thought to argue that you were not covered in dirt occurred to you, but it was an argument you would lose. You obediently turned and did as he asked, only sparing a second of thought to his very obvious misdirection before deciding it wasn’t that important. Outside of him, nothing really was.

XIII. [Lavender Spikes]

Emet-Selch sat up and threw an arm over his bent leg, leaving you in a dazed splay in the soft green grass. Your dress would most certainly have stains on the back. In another life, that would have been humiliating. But all you could feel was the shuddering remnants of pleasure as you pushed your skirt down, staring up at the unnatural sky as you caught your breath.

“That was,” you said softly, sitting up, “um... thank you?” It came out like a question, you weren’t sure what else to say. He hadn’t approached—though maybe the more apt word was accosted—you with much of a mind for conversation. Things had been trending more and more in that direction, his fingers constantly finding their way up your dress, his mouth mapping your skin, his words drifting like sweet smoke through your head. And you let it happen, even welcomed his touch. Begged for it, if he asked.

“I hope you weren’t engaged in anything too terribly important, I’m afraid you made too tempting a sight to ignore,” Emet-Selch said, looking over his shoulder with a smirk, showing no signs of contrition or being particularly affected by what he’d done. “Worrier that she was, I admit that your dear mother was wise for keeping you locked safely behind all those impenetrable walls, hidden from the prying eye of a poacher. Special talents aside, I have no doubt that spying the finest of flowers lazing amidst a garden in bloom—especially one so eager and ripe for the picking—would tempt even the most noble of individuals to thievery.”

You laughed breathlessly, a little awkwardly. As with many of the flattering things Emet-Selch said, there was a layer of insult to it. At this point, you could be content enough with the praise, even if it made you duck your head and shrug, shy despite everything you’d already done. “Thank you, although I doubt that’s true,” you said.

“That doubt demonstrates a dangerous naivety to the covetous nature that plagues your kind,” he lectured. “And mine, such as it is.”

“And you?” you asked.

Emet-Selch’s expressed became more amused. “Ah, but one cannot covet that which they already possess.”

You looked away, heat flooding your face at the reminder. It wasn’t a bad heat, you realized, although maybe it should have been. You toyed with the ring he’d given you, your mind returning to what you had been doing before his arrival. And then everything that happened after.

Even if Emet-Selch was perfectly content to touch you and move on as if nothing had happened, you couldn’t. Worse, your body couldn’t. You shifted uncomfortably, feeling the pulsing need that remained, the memory of his hand between your legs, his lips against your own. When he continued to say nothing, positioned perfectly in the shade of a tree, you worked up the confidence to speak.

“I made something for you,” you said before you could back out. You had intended to present it in a moment of romance, not while you were trembling and flushed with the thumping pulse of desire. But there was something about the comfortable silence between you, filled only by the sound of water and leaves brushing against each other, that gave you a bit of confidence. Besides, the post orgasm glow, such as it was, filled you with a hot swell of affection that you knew he wouldn’t accept in its raw form.

But this was fine, you thought. You hoped.

Emet-Selch didn’t ask about it as you leaned over to dig in the pile of books and half-finished flower garlands, merely watching. He had an uncanny habit of silence when you might have wanted conversation to ease your awkwardness. Luckily, you found what you wanted immediately. It was quite precious, after all.

“You gave me one,” you said, not meeting his eyes, “so I decided it was only right for you to have one from me as well. You don’t have to wear it. I wouldn’t expect you to, but I thought...” You shrugged helplessly, showing him the ring you had woven from the plant with its pearl-like buds. Not only were the stems delicate enough to take the dainty shape of a ring, the flower had flattened perfectly, mimicking a gem of some kind. You were quite proud of it, and Emet-Selch would never need to know how many attempts it took before you got it right. “It’s too late to do anything the proper way, but it’s tradition for both people to exchange rings before, uhm, con-consummating their marriage and I thought that, if we did, then I wanted to, first, um...” Again, all you could offer was a shrug, your words trailing off.

While you weren’t sure what you expected, it certainly wasn’t for Emet-Selch to laugh. Normally at first, or as normal as he ever was, but you could hear the edge of delighted madness on the edges and it made you regret every single thing you had ever said or done, rethinking your stupid proposal.

“Please don’t laugh at me,” you told him, flinching away from the sound. To your relief, he did quiet down, although his expression remained far too amused for comfort.

“How could I not?” Emet-Selch asked, spreading his hands in a placating gesture. “By now, I believed you would have exhausted your supply of entertaining antics. You do not cease to impress.”  

“I wasn’t trying to be funny,” you said, unsure of how that was supposed to make you feel better. That probably wasn’t the intention.

“And therein lies the source of my amusement. You are insufferably genuine. Adorable to a fault.”

Adorable. That word sent an instant stroke of heat through you, although you couldn’t help but scowl as you looked away from him to hide your embarrassment.

“Oh, don’t pout,” Emet-Selch said. “It is traditional for you to be the one who adorns my finger with a ring, is it not?” He adjusted his position so you could take his hand, moving as if it were some grand undertaking. “Well go on then.”

“You don’t have to humor me. It-it’s stupid,” you said. He said nothing, waiting expectantly. You huffed, gently taking his hand so you could push the ring onto his finger.

“It fits,” he said, as if surprised by the fact.

“It wasn’t difficult to size, I know your hands pretty well,” you said, admiring the way the green looked against his perfectly fair skin.

Emet-Selch’s lips quirked. “Yes. Quite intimately, I suppose.”

It took you a moment before the unintentionally dirty interpretation of your words made your insides twist with embarrassment. “That is not what I meant,” you said. He just smirked. “Anyway, I meant to do this before you... we...” you gestured helplessly, unable to say it.

“Did I foil your plans?”

“No,” you said. “Or, yes? It’s not like I had a plan or anything, it was just something that I wanted to do. I didn’t exactly expect for you to attack me like that, but-”

“I must disagree,” Emet-Selch said, cutting you off, “You were far from the unwilling victim of an attack. Unless you wish to argue that you weren’t shamelessly begging for me to-“

“No, no. You’re right,” you said loudly. “My point is that you surprised me.”

He just smirked. “I am... curious,” you said after a moment of silence. “Why do you, uhm...” You trailed off, unsure of how to finish the question.

Emet-Selch waited for you to continue and frowned with irritation when you didn’t. “Why do I... what?” he asked.

“Ah,” you looked down at the grass, petting it nervously. “Never mind, it was stupid.”

His eyes narrowed, burning into you. Emet-Selch said nothing, but you got the feeling that he wasn’t going to drop it either. He’d get it out of you one way or another. You sighed, kicking yourself for bringing it up. But the only way out was onward. You could do it fast, get it over with.

“When we do things,” you began, emphasizing the word in a way you hoped he would understand, “you never... I know it affects you, but you never...” You winced, shaking your head. “Do you not want me in that way? Or-or should I be... I don’t know. I understand, mechanically, how things work, but I don’t... If you want me to do something, I don’t know... I don’t know how.”

“Of that I am more than aware.”  

That comment wasn’t at all helpful, making your heart sink. He said once that he didn’t mind your inexperience, but that didn’t lessen the shame. Emet-Selch didn’t make it any easier either, although you knew that was by design.

“If you don’t, then I can’t understand why you would... What you want from me? You gain nothing from doing... that...”

“If physical satisfaction was aught I desired from you, there would be no need for this mummery. Rather than suffering the various headaches you have caused me, it would be far simpler to play the conqueror and take as I please,” Emet-Selch told you in a matter-of-fact way. “Nay, what I seek is far more difficult to obtain.”

You swallowed hard, nodding. It wasn’t like you didn’t realize the sort of game he was playing, but it didn’t make any more sense to you. Even now. Especially now.

“I assume you haven’t embarrassed yourself with such questions idly?” he asked.

You stared even harder at the ground. Of course he would be able to tell. “If you wanted, I would... I-I want to. You know,” you said, unable to look at him.

“I can’t say that I do,” Emet-Selch said, his smug smirk audible, “you must be more precise.”

“I want to...return the favor, but I...” You tried not to wince again at your embarrassment, forcing yourself to look at him. “I don’t know how. If you would want that, will you... will you show me?”

XIV. [Amaryllis Belladonna]

There was no grace to the way you collapsed to your knees when Emet-Selch released you to sit. Despite your blazing cheeks, fuzzy thoughts, and wild breathing, he seemed none the worse for wear, lounging naked in the chair like it was a throne, looking down at you as his subject as he languidly stroked his cock. Your attention was caught between watching that or looking up at his face, unsure of which was more intimidating. While he seemed comfortable without clothes, you were painfully aware of your own nudity, the way your nipples had tightened and skin flushed, the wetness coating your inner thighs.

“Is this too much for you already?” he teased. You could have laughed. Or cried. There hadn’t been much time to figure out what you felt. As soon as you said you wanted him to show you, he made quick work of kissing away your embarrassment only to drag you back inside.

When you didn’t answer, Emet-Selch grabbed you by the hair. You lurched forward between his legs, steadying yourself against his thighs. You opened your mouth to object and Emet-Selch used the oppurtunity to shove his fingers between your lips. They tasted like you, and maybe like him too because it was definitely the hand that he’d been touching himself with. You made a sound in panicked objection, grabbing at his wrist to get away because it was just like last time, the last time when he shoved his fingers in your mouth while you cried and-

“No, no, calm yourself,” Emet-Selch said, tugging your hair as a reminder to keep you in place. “Clean up your mess.”

His tone was softer, not cruel like you expected. That got you to relax a bit, although the nerves and humiliation and doubt didn’t fade. Emet-Selch pushed his fingers deeper into your mouth, all the way to the back. At the very least, you didn’t gag, but you did try once again to get free, your eyes watering. He didn’t seem concerned with your reaction.

“Come now,” he told you. “You can do better than this. Close your lips and suck. Cleanse my skin of your essence.”

The instruction helped. Once you got over the humiliation and depravity of the act, all it came down to was doing as he wanted. Pleasing him. And that was what you wanted. Desperately. Your lips pursed and suctioned, your tongue cleaning the taste of your arousal from his skin as you sucked. He smiled, another smug look you could barely handle amidst the embarrassment burning you alive.

“Very good,” Emet-Selch said, pulling his fingers out of your mouth with a horribly lewd wet sound, saliva dribbling down your chin. Instead of giving you a break, he thrust them back in, his fingertips brushing against the insides of your cheeks, across your tongue. Your sound of objection vibrated against his fingers as they languidly explored your mouth, sounding almost like a moan and adding to the humiliation. He finally pulled his fingers away, smearing the excess saliva over his cock without any of the embarrassment that had you locked up and unsure.

It was your idea to do this, but you weren’t sure if you could. You had felt the hard press of his erection, gotten to know the general size, seen him naked on the occasions he shamelessly changed in front of you or you bathed together—but this was infinitely different.

“Your hand,” Emet-Selch told you. It wasn’t difficult to know what he wanted, and it was easier to do as he said, to let him to take the lead. You allowed him to replace his hand with your own, your fingers wrapping around the base of his cock, the side of your hand brushing the patch of dark pubic hair at the base.

It was impossible to know what you expected, but the shaft had veins streaking beneath the skin leading to the flushed head. The size comparison with your hand wasn’t comforting when you considered what was going to happen, but it made your pussy tighten desperately around nothing. If his fingers filled you up, satisfied that peculiar ache, then what would it be like to let him to take you fully? 

“You needn’t be so meek,” he told you, squeezing your hand to make your grip more firm. His cock twitched beneath your touch, hot and solid and hard. “Yes, like this-“ Emet-Selch guided your hand up, showing you how to stroke him from root to tip. “I’d hate to overwhelm you all at once... begin by using just your tongue. You can do that, can you not?”

You nodded, almost too aware of the way your heart thudded against your ribs, the way nerves and arousal and excitement and shame got all muddied up inside, swirling in a miasmic swarm of sensation.

The texture of the head was different, pink and velvety, the tip shining with a little bead of precum. You reached out with your tongue, lapping that up curiously while Emet-Selch kept your hand moving, pumping back and forth. It was bitter, salty. You weren’t sure what you might have expected.

“That’s right. Good girl” Emet-Selch said, his voice slightly more affected. It was perverse that those words should have such a profound on effect on you, but they did. Emboldened by that praise, you repeated the action, this time using the flat of your tongue. The way he responded made you want more. More praise, more of an effect on him, more of the tingling heat that his voice sent through you.

Using the tip of your tongue, you licked along the underside, curiously feeling the ridge where head met shaft. Emet-Selch groaned, his hips pushing forward so the flushed head pressed more solidly against your lips. It made you feel powerful, in a way. So you did it again, this time with confidence. It was easier to ignore the embarrassment while hiding behind the excuse that you only did this for his sake. But you knew it was filthy. Drool dripped from your tongue and onto your bare thighs, your hand slick as it pumped up and down, holding his cock so you could continue to lick just like he told you.

Emet-Selch’s hand settled in your hair, distracting you into looking up. “Use your mouth now,” he told you. “The same as you did before.”

You nodded, licking your lips nervously and pulling back. At this point, you had a general understanding of his size. You weren’t entirely sure how you would manage, but he probably did, and you didn’t think he would purposefully hurt you. You braced yourself, but there was only so much of that you could do without backing out.

You parted your lips, admitting the flushed head of his cock into your mouth. The flavor was familiar at this point, salty and metallic and musky. You breathed out heavily through your nose, steadying your left hand against his thigh. His fingers weren’t any practical comparison to this. His cock was thicker than them, for one. Not to mention longer. But, trying to recreate what you had done with his fingers, you used the flat of your tongue to stroke the underside, earning yourself a soft noise of approval and fingers pulling with more purpose on your hair.  

“Ah—that’s right,” he told you, his voice settled lower, deeper in his chest and breathy. Whether it was the intention or not, the sound of it made you squirm, heat flushing straight to your core. You wanted more of that. When Emet-Selch’s hand tugged you down further on his cock, you let it happen. Focusing on him rather than the discomfort of your jaw or gag reflex made it easier, you could even disregard the mess of saliva dripping from your suctioned lips because he groaned again.    

With a bit of work and a forcible stifling of all of your body’s natural reactions, you could take about half of his length into your mouth. It had your jaw aching and throat protesting, but it was doable. You worked the rest of his cock with your hand like he showed you, using your own saliva to smooth the friction.

“You can do better,” he muttered, tugging you down a little further, disrupting your rhythm. You gagged, caught off guard, but he didn’t stop. The part of you that only wanted to please him allowed it to happen, trying to force your body to adjust, to take it without resistance. He moaned again, openly moaned, and that was incentive enough to power through because the sound appealed to something in your head. It was like an exposed nerve, it made your pussy squeeze hard around nothing, desperate for more.  

Taking advantage of your submission, Emet-Selch pulled you down further. All the way, until your nose hit the wiry hair at the base of his cock, bruising your throat as it contracted around the sudden intrusion. Predictably, you choked. Panic overrode every thought and impulse in your head. Raw, red hot, urgent panic. For a scattered few moments, suffocation closed in on you and you fought, all sorts of animalistic sounds vibrating against his cock.

Emet-Selch didn’t hold you there long, allowing you to violently jerk back with streaming eyes and a gurgling sort of cough. Saliva coated your chin, tears wetting your cheeks, the sour bite of bile stinging your battered throat. You coughed again, wiping at your face as your brain tried to piece together what had just happened. For a moment, a part of you had checked out, given in to the situation. Now you were starkly aware of your discomfort. Emet-Selch scanned you slowly, intently. It made your skin crawl and face flush because you knew that had to have been the least sexy thing ever and even though it was partially his fault, you wanted to apologize, to beg for a do-over.

“Forgive me, I forgot myself for a moment,” Emet-Selch said before you could figure out how to speak, his steady demeanor at complete odds with your hammering heart. “’twould be unrealistic of me to expect that of you on your first attempt, regardless of the delightful fervor you brought to the task.”

“I’m... I’m sorry,” you said between your gasping breaths, fresh, hot tears of humiliation burning at the back of your eyes because you wanted to impress him, to make him feel good if for no other reason than in some twisted attempt to balance out the number of times he had touched you without asking for anything in return.

“You needn’t apologize, though I assume you cannot do that again.” You didn’t respond, pressing on the aching hinge of your jaw. Maybe you could, if you were willing to disregard the pain. But, honestly, you weren’t sure. “There are other ways,” Emet-Selch told you. “If I recall, you did mention consummation.”

You had, hadn’t you? You looked up at him through wet eyelashes. Emet-Selch had removed your silly ring, but the fact remained that you had spent what must have been hours weaving together delicate stems and leaves with the knowledge of what you were committing to. Sometimes, more and more often these days, you weren’t even sure why you held out on that final bit of intimacy, why you were so convinced that it mattered more than any of the other things the two of you had done. Even with the discomfort of choking on his cock, you could feel the way your pussy clamped down around nothing, desperate to feel the relief of being filled. And he was still hard, his length coated and shiny with your saliva.

Those thoughts fluttered through your mind quickly as your eyes averted from his dick to his face. Lips—stained red, a shade darker than the light dusting of a flush on his pale cheeks—held that small quirk of amusement as he waited for your decision. This wasn’t a game, but you felt oddly relieved to know he wasn’t taking it too seriously. Not yet, at least.

“What should I-I do?” you asked, meeting his kohl-lined, half-lidded eyes.

“That depends,” he said, smirking, “on what it is, exactly, that you want.”

For the first time, you allowed yourself to openly express your dissatisfaction at that unhelpful answer, refusing to back down or look away or even give yourself time to think about it. You sat up a little higher on your knees, a surge of pathetic desperation flooding through you.

“I want you,” you told him insistently, one of your hands tentatively landing on his knee and your eyes steady on his even as the rest of you trembled. “Whatever you say, that’s what I want. I-I can try again.” Your eyes flicked down to his cock, appraising it with a sense of determination that was stronger, if only slightly, than the pain and discomfort. “Or I can...” you looked back up, meeting his eyes. You weren’t sure what you meant to say, so you said the first thing that came to mind. “I’ll do anything you want.”

“Anything?” Emet-Selch repeated. “My, it seems as if you never learn. I doubt the existence of a more hopeless creature than you.”  

“Please just tell me what to do,” you plead, looking up at him desperately.

“Eager to follow orders now, are you?” he asked gleefully

You blinked at him, your mouth falling open before you shut it and just nodded, determined. You could, you would. That’s the only way this was going to go, the only way you’d get what you wanted. He smirked, standing up. You scrambled to your feet as well, wavering on unsteady legs.

“The bed?” you asked hopefully.

“Hm, I think not,” he said, grabbing you by the hips to guide you in the other direction. “Not yet, at least.”

Turning you around before you could argue, you got a full frontal view of yourself in the vanity mirror before he pushed you down onto the tabletop, forcing you to catch yourself. Bending you over just like last time. Although this wasn’t really that similar. For one, Emet-Selch didn’t seem angry at all. For another, the slight violence made you keenly aware of how turned on you had become, how needy you felt.

“What are you-” you began, cutting off with a squeak as you were forced to brace yourself with your hands flat on the vanity tabletop as he pulled your hips up to be level with his own. It pushed you up onto your toes, most of your weight resting on the vanity to adjust for the height difference. He pushed your torso down further, giving him even better access. The mirror in front of you fogged with each of your panted breaths. You could feel his cock against your most intimate parts, right between your legs. So close to where you wanted him. “What are you doing?” you asked, your voice far softer because you knew, because you were excited and hopeful. 

“Need you ask?” he asked, nearly playfully sweet in his mean Emet-Selch way. “I’m doing exactly what you wanted. That is, unless you changed your mind.” He rubbed the tip of his dick between the outer lips of your pussy, teasing the sensitive tissue and making you jump when it nudged your swollen clit. You squeezed your eyes shut, unable to stifle the choked gasp the sensation forced from you.

“I-I haven’t,” you all but whispered. “But this is... it’s...”

“What is it?” he asked, finally pushing the tip against your hole just a little, just enough that the head of his cock could rest between the nervously fluttering muscles of your entrance. If Emet-Selch weren’t holding your hips in place, and if there were anywhere for you to go when you were so thoroughly wedged between him and the vanity, you probably would have panicked and squirmed away.

“‘s embarrassing,” you told him, eyelashes fluttering because you didn’t want to watch yourself in the mirror, but there was nowhere else to look.

“Mayhap it is for you,” Emet-Selch said, managing to sound detached despite the way you were falling apart. “It’s your own fault for granting me permission to do anything I wanted. Lest you forget, I told you once that I like to watch. Do you remember?”

You made a sound that was meant as agreement, the only thing you could manage as he pushed in a little deeper.

“I asked you a question,” he said, giving you a little more, just a bit. Your inner walls clamped down around his dick and you weren’t sure if it was because you wanted more or wanted him out.

“I-I remember,” you said breathlessly.

“Ah, so you must understand why this is the perfect place for proper consummation of our vows,” Emet-Selch said. “Though, that hot breath of yours is spoiling the view.” With that annoyed comment, he tugged you backwards, away from the mirror that fogged with each of your panicked breaths and further down his cock. You squealed, your eyes popping open.

Frightened and surprised, you couldn’t help but meet Emet-Selch’s gaze in the mirror above you, hooded and intense and focused. He, for once, was not smirking. And below that, the flawlessly pale column of his throat, the lines of his collar bones, the plains of his chest. His hands, large and strong, holding your hips to keep you level. Considering how little traction your toes had on the ground, he was the one in complete and utter control.

No matter how many times you thought about it, no matter how ready you thought you were, the feeling of him sinking into you was nothing that you could have prepared for. On some level, you must have known that it would hurt because it took a bit of effort to adjust when he fingered you. This was different. Pinching, aching, his cock stretched out your pussy with each smooth little thrust and the sensation wasn’t what you expected. Your mouth fell open, eyes squeezing shut to avoid having to endure the embarrassment of watching yourself be deflowered,

“It-it... it’s too...” You whimpered, unable to say anything else because you didn’t want to disappoint him. Because, even though it hurt, the fullness was settling hot and so overwhelmingly heavy in a way nothing else had, that you craved.

“If you’ve something to say,” Emet-Selch began, his voice holding a hint of the strain you would expect, “you must speak up.”

You just groaned, whined. Despite his cruel words, he was being nice, taking it easy on you. You knew that and it wasn’t helping because the sensation was too much, too heavy. The tension in your body didn’t help, nor did the way your inner walls tightened as if to keep him from going any deeper, fluttering helplessly in an effort to adjust.

But then Emet-Selch openly moaned, a soft sound, and that appealed to the animalistic part of your brain that had your back arching, allowing him to bottom out with one final surge and the filthy clap of skin on skin and you felt so incredibly present at the same time you felt a stark and drifting cloud of disbelief. There was nothing else and you couldn’t believe in what was happening, or what you felt. It was too absurd.

Your eyes opened, taking in the truly disturbing scene playing out in the mirror in front of you. It was the sight of you—flushed with bright, wet eyes, your body bare and fingers desperately searching for traction on the smooth vanity tabletop—and Emet-Selch. He was inside of you, his fingers digging bruises into the soft flesh of your hips and hungry eyes watching intently.

“I-I don’t...” you whispered. But you weren’t sure what that meant. You weren’t sure of anything. You doubted the existence of a world outside of Emet-Selch and you doubted the existence of him. It was simply too ridiculous to think that this was what had become of your life. Trapped in the domain of one of the Unseen, living as a pet, letting him fuck you. It was surreal.

“Eyes on me, girl,” Emet-Selch told you, demanded of you. Obedience was instant, your eyes flicking up to meet his. He wasn’t smiling. There was no amusement in his face right then, only the imperious hunger, the dark and intense need that absolutely promised ruin. He pulled out of you slowly only to roughly thrust forward, grinding his cock into you as deep as it could go as you cried out and writhed. You closed your eyes against the feeling, you couldn’t help it.

“That’s-”

“What did I say?” he asked sharply, cutting you off. You gasped, pulling in as heavy of a breath as you could manage to steady yourself, and opened your eyes.

There was nothing erotic about the sight of your stupid expression, but you felt yourself tighten around him at the ravenous way Emet-Selch devoured the debauched image reflected right in front of you. Although you might have doubted his capacity for lust in the past, there was no longer any question. Whether or not that was a good thing, you weren’t sure.

As soon you met his eyes, he pulled out further, thrusting forward with even less consideration to the way you were still trying to adjust, filling you even more roughly. It hurt and it felt good and you moaned and gasped accordingly, trying to get a grip on yourself, trying to do as he ordered and keep your eyes on his to earn some leniency.

“You’re being mean,” you whined, your voice sounding slutty and utterly foreign to your own ears. That finally coaxed a familiar smirk out of Emet-Selch.

“Am I?” he asked, still smirking as he switched from the rough thrusting to using his grip on your hips to slowly drag you up and down the length of his cock.

Even if you weren’t entirely adjusted to his size, you were wet enough to make the motions smooth. The slick sound filled the room, as did the noises you couldn’t bite back because you didn’t think you could handle it. Pleasure, pressure, weight, intensity. The pain was there too, but the sensations only mingled, becoming a feeling far hotter and headier than any of them were alone. You were so full, there was so much weight with each press of his cock.

“And what,” Emet-Selch asked, forcing your attention back to him, “do you think I was trying to do?”

Trying to do? You couldn’t remember what he was talking about, you couldn’t remember much of anything right then and you had no answer other than open mouthed surprise at how sublime it felt. Every ridge, every vein, you felt as if you could feel every bit of him as he casually used you like an object, moving you up and down his cock rather than rolling his hips. It was so much heavier than his fingers, so much more, and whenever he bottomed out, he filled you utterly, threatening to split you apart.  

“I asked you a question, girl,” Emet-Selch told you, his voice a shade darker, a little bit crueler.

“I don’t... I don’t know,” you told him helplessly. 

“Yes, pleasure has a particular way of stripping you of any semblence of wit and coherence,” he said. “I’ll make it easy for you, so listen well. After keeping me waiting for so long, did you think I had any intention of being nice?”

He wanted an answer, you knew he did but you honestly couldn’t process his words with any degreee of rationality. It was too much to think when you were so full. “I-I don’t...” “No,” Emet-Selch punctuated that answer by forcefully pulling you back, thrusting his hips forward at the same time until skin violently slapped skin. Too deep, too much all at once, the pained pleasure made you wail. “I did not.”

Part of you wanted to escape his complete control, the other wanted to roll back against him, to force a steady rhythm. You couldn’t do either, only able to take what was given.

“After all this time of taunting and teasing and enticing me to take what is rightfully mine,” Emet-Selch said, “to use you to satiate my desires, did you honestly believe I would show you mercy when given the chance?” He had entirely lost his calm, sane tone in favor of unraveling madness, the sharper effect of pleasure. Rather than waiting for your stammered, breathless answer, he gave you another pitiless thrust, this one knocking the vanity into the wall.

“I-I’m sorry,” you whined, not knowing what else to say. But you knew that you didn’t sound sorry, you didn’t even sound like you were in pain. The words came out like a moan and you sounded like a whore.

Emet-Selch laughed. “I can scarcely believe that this is what you like best,” he said, the words punctuated with another hard thrust. You shook your head helplessly. “Oh no? Deny fact all you want, girl. Your body will always reveal the truth.” After that, Emet-Selch set a fast, deep pace. He was measured and controlled, but not holding back to ease you into it. 

Too much, too hard, too fast, too good. He accused you of interpreting fear and arousal the same way and you worried that he was right because you couldn’t tell if it was good or bad. It was sensation and it was raw and it made you cry out and writhe, your hips jerked and back arching and inner walls fluttering around him, your body readily accepting the abuse.

Emet-Selch’s hand left your hip to snake around to your clit. The first little bump of pressure made you groan, the way your pussy clamped down around his dick causing his pace to stutter. Emet-Selch hissed through his teeth, adopting an even quicker rhythm as if to punish you for breaking it, fucking you in time with each adept press of his fingertips to your swollen clit. The whole thing was cruel, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to care. It was him, it was pleasure, it was pain, it was your entire world dropped down to a few sparking points of sensation and aggressively blazing pleasure.

“I-I can’t,” you babbled helplessly, your sweaty palm squeaking as it fruitlessly sought traction on the tabletop. “I-I’m gonna-”

“Already?” Emet-Selch asked mockingly. “In the end, all that virtue amounted to naught more than a sweet façade. I suppose you were created with the sole intent to be used.”

“D-don’t,” you gasped, the denial so clearly a token rejection when his words only pushed you closer to the edge, made your pussy tighten desperately. Even if the sensation of being fucked was new, your body was more than acquainted with responding to the tight patterns he rubbed into your clit, the pleasure that was all to eager to build up beneath his touch. And the way you had to tense up to hold in place for him, your cunt squeezing his cock in a desperate chase for more, only added to it, your body eagerly preparing to come at his invitation.

“Come now, girl,” Emet-Selch invited you. “Prove your worth.”

It must have been the cruel way he uttered those words that sent you over the edge, the tight coil of pleasure with you finally snapping. White hot bliss rocked through your body, the steady, heavy weight of his cock only drawing it out, your inner walls fluttering and squeezing him, more slick arousal coating him and filling the room with the obscene squelch of each thrust. You’d never felt anything like it, nothing like the fever pitch pleasure invited with his fingers against your clit or the deeper, thicker sensation that came from being fucked. Your open-mouthed silent scream faded into a whimpery sort of moaning, your entire body trembling and feverish, slick with sweat.

He didn’t give you so much as a second to recuperate. When you were down from that high, Emet-Selch wrapped his arms around your torso, pulling you up against his chest. For the first time, you realized that you were drooling. And crying, although the pain had long faded.

“Wha-” you asked, trying to turn around to look at him. Emet-Selch gripped your chin, facing you forward towards the mirror.

“Look what’s become of you,” he said, scanning the reflection. You followed his gaze, your eyes dropping down to where the two of you were joined, the way your slick arousal dripped out around him. Then up, up to the flushed red covering your face and neck, the glassy haze of your eyes, the bright red of your lips. Making sure you were watching, Emet-Selch’s fingers traced where you were stretched around his cock, sliding up to press against your over-sensitive clit. You jerked against his hold like a fly in a web, unable to do anything more than mewl pathetically, your eyes shutting.

“Closing your eyes will not shield you from the truth,” Emet-Selch told you. Then, softer, amused, “Nor will it protect you from me.”

“Please...” you begged softly, trying to move your hips in an attempt to get some friction, to press yourself against his teasing fingers to get more, to feel more. Instead, he pulled out even further, leaving you even emptier, making you whimper unhappily. “N-no, please.”

“Yes, that’s it,” Emet-Selch said with a smirk you could feel, his breath brushing the side of your face and his fingers continuing to tease you. It was impossible for you to get any sort of leverage to sink down on his cock the way you desperately wanted. Even though you had come, you wanted more. “Claiming genuine dominion over another is to convince them that they’re content with their own subjugation. It is to have them beg for tyranny if only to gain the attention—or, dare I say, the affection—of their acting sovereign.”

“That’s not...” you shook your head, unable to actually process his words in any other way than superficial denial. “Emet-Selch, please.”

“Of course, ‘tis a two way street twixt the conqueror and the conquered.”

With that, he let you sink down all the way onto his cock, letting your torso drop forward so you had to brace yourself against the edge of the vanity, allowing him to go even deeper. You moaned loudly, openly, luxuriating in how deep he was inside of you, at how full you felt. The sensation made tears prick against your eyes, your mouth falling open. Emet-Selch gripped your hips, a relief considering that your legs were shaking hard, tired from having to stay up on your toes. He used his grip on you to force you off his cock. You tried to protest that he would move so quickly, but he thrust forward hard enough to make you see stars, to forget everything, and all you could do was squeal, once again searching for traction against the vanity tabletop. He did it again, quickly setting a pace that left you unable to do anything else than hold on. For a moment, you lifted your head to peer through wet eyelashes at the disturbingly lewd sight reflected, your eyes focusing only on him. All at once, he wore an expression that was unguarded and aggressive, his lips parted and kohl-lined eyes smoldering. When your gaze met, he smiled and it was borderline crazy, an expression of victory.

“Em-et…Emet-Selch, I-I want-” you gasped out desperately, unsure of what you were asking for, exactly. Because it felt good, because you wanted more, because that look frightened you, because that look only made your cunt squeeze around him tighter. His expression changed then, softening somewhat as he focused on your face more clearly.  

“Hades,” he told you, his fingers digging harder into the soft flesh of your hips as he oh-so slowly dragged you to be flush with his hips, his cock buried so deeply inside of you it hurt.

“Wh-what?” you asked, blinking confusion and squriming. 

“My name,” he told you, more insistent, demanding. “Hades. Say it.”

Meeting those unnerving yellow eyes in the mirror, you didn’t even think about denying him. “Hades,” you said breathily, pleadingly.

That made him groan, practically growl as he pulled out of you entirely. Some pathetic type of mewl left your mouth, a shameless sound, but your unhappy confusion didn’t last long before you were on your back, bouncing on the bed once, twice before he was upon you.

Not giving you so much as a second of reprieve, your legs were pushed up to your chest so you were practically folded in half to give him room. Rather than driving himself deep into you like you so desperately wanted, he stopped himself with only the angrily flushed head of his cock shallowly resting within you. When you tried to squirm, to get more, he roughly pushed you down, grabbing your face to make you meet his eyes.

“Again,” he demanded. “My name. Say it.”

“Hades,” you said, your eyes wide as they met his out of some stormy mixture of lust and fear. “Hades, please.”

His eyes closed and he groaned, sinking all the way into you. The new angle made you keen, writhe beneath him at the reminder of both your soreness and your pleasure.

“Yes, you do beg so sweetly,” he breathed, his words stuttered with each heavy, deliberate thrust. “I daresay it is your shining quality, you pathetic thing.” Emet-Selch—Hades—opened his eyes. They were mad, certainly, but focused. They blazed a golden inferno, watching you like he understood you down the very marrow of your bones. He took the opportunity to get your legs on his shoulders, the new angle allowing his cock to find the spongy spot within you that had your feet kicking pitifully against his back, your back arching. “Go on. Beg me to breed you like you so clearly need,” he demanded. “Beg to be claimed completely by the Unseen Ruler of the Underworld. ”  

“Please,” you said, your mind far too hazy and lost in the daze of pleasure to feel any shame about letting the word pass your lips. “Please, Em-Hades. Please, breed me, claim me... I-I’m yours, so please.”

He groaned, setting a punishing pace that emptied your head altogether. But you still begged thoughtlessly, mindlessly, speaking just to speak because you were approaching another orgasm and you wanted it so desperately, wanted to come around him again and luxuriate in the intimate fullness, to take what he was giving you and be grateful for it. The room was filled with the filthy sounds of sex, the slapping skin and wet squelching and whimpering and moaning and growling and everything together that filled your head with a lethal combination of lust.

“Hades, I’m-I can’t...”

As if just to prove you wrong, he adjusted your hips to let him inexorably go deeper and said your name. That was it. You couldn’t remember the last time Hades had used your name, and hearing it in his voice, darkened with lust and need, made you snap beneath him. Your cunt spasmed, milking his cock as pleasure tingled through you. It was hard to tell if that was the thing that sent him over the edge, but you could feel the way his thrusts lost tempo, the way his hips snapped forward almost as soon as he pulled out, the way his cock twitched as he filled you with cum. It was awful, filthy beyond rationality, and it was perfect, drawing out your own orgasm to the point of pain. Beautiful pain.

“If there was any doubt that you exist for the use of those more competent than yourself,” Hades muttered, grinding his hips against yours as if to make a point of how deep within you he’d driven himself as he came. Breeding you, humping his seed into your womb. Could you even carry his child?

A particular shift of his hips sent that thought from your head, a soft groan leaving your mouth. The pleasure was too much, no matter how badly a part of your mind insisted you wanted anything he gave you.

“No-no more,” you said, your voice raspy and hand raising to press against his chest. “Please.” That got him to pause, his lips turning downward.

“Very well,” Hades said with a sigh after a moment, gently removing your legs from his shoulders and pulling out of you. You felt damp and deflated, painfully empty and cold now that the golden glow of lust and pleasurehad passed. He didn’t look that much worse for wear, swiping his sweaty hair from his face and stretching, looking at you through lowered lashes. His flagging cock glistened with a glossy pink-ish sheen, evidence of what had happened. Seeing it reminded your body of how sore you were, wincing as you closed your legs.

“Hades?” you began, your voice very quiet as you sat up and attempted to cover yourself. Just as pathetic as he often accused you of being because suddenly you realized that no matter how good it felt for you, he was different. One of the Unseen. He called himself the Ruler of the Underworld. Hades. In comparison, what were you? Meaningless. “Was that... was it okay?” you asked. “For you?”

He gave you a look you were very familiar with. The one that expressed exactly how stupid he found your words, how utterly empty-headed you were. “I’d have thought my actions would speak for themselves,” he said. His eyes trailed down your body. The angry red marks on your hips, the way you couldn’t help but wince again at the pain as you adjusted. “Though I admit I might’ve gotten a tiny bit carried away.”

“I didn’t mind,” you said, unable to meet his eyes. “I mean, I...” You bit your lip, feeling horrible awkward considering all that you had just let happen. Hades used the side of his hand to lift your chin. Rather than the lip kiss you prepared for, he kissed your forehead in a way that felt so tender and soft you got the ridiculous urge to cry, to weep with this overwhelming surge of affection.

“Now come,” Hades said, drawing away without any further elaboration on that action. “We could both use a bath.”

You didn’t have much to say for a bit, silently grateful for the strange mechanism that pumped hot water into the big copper bathtub. At your insistence, Hades rolled his eyes and added lavender scented salts. Your eyelids were drooping as soon as he pulled you against his chest in the hot water, lulled by the steadiness of his breathing and not objecting to his mindlessly wandering hands. It felt nice, soothing your skin with sweet scented water, and loosening your muscles little by little. The way his hands lingered on your chest made you squirm, but you didn’t mind that very much either. The soreness between your legs was uncomfortable and pinching, but you weren’t sure it would stop you from wanting more if he were to insist.  

“Hades,” you said, trying to distract both of you by focusing on something else. “I’m happy you told me. It’s a good name. It fits you perfectly.” What you meant was I love you, but he probably knew that.

“Hm. Well, I certainly don’t mind the way you say it,” Hades responded. “If I may offer a word of warning. Weak as you may be, I did warn you of the power inherent to a name. Mine is particularly potent coming from your lips.”

You nuzzled against his chest, hiding your expression. He let you. Maybe this was a dream after all. “Hades,” you mumbled. Anybody would be able to hear the adoration in your voice, even hoarse and whispered.

He sighed heavily, water splashing as he turned you around to face him instead. “I did warn you.”

XV. [Bittersweet Nightshade]

Paradise was in bloom, a little pocket of Eden tucked deep within the Underworld. Above, a red sun burned, the dark sky brooding. Hades sat in the emerald grass, dappled with impossible light and shadow. Even in relaxation, he looked tired. Old beyond what you could possibly comprehend. And beautiful. The mere sight of him filled your heart with a storm of emotion. You wondered if that would fade, or if the feeling was as undying as the garden he had gifted you with, kept from withering by the preservation you unintentionally wielded.

“It’s impolite to stare,” Hades said dryly, his eyes remaining closed.

“How could I not?” you asked. Although you meant to sound playful, you knew your true feelings bled through, something soft in your voice. Hades snorted a laugh, otherwise completely still.

A breeze from nowhere passed through the garden, grass and trees and flowers swaying with the motion. The babbling brook that came from somewhere else and ran into no place at all continued to splash and gurgle.  

“Will you ever,” you began, the question fighting its way out of your mouth before you could think it through, “care… Care about me? Is there anything I can do to make you… to make you love...” You let out a heavy breath, shaking your head. “I love you, do you...?” you asked. And your voice was so choked up there was a chance he might have missed the words beneath the distracted conversation between the water and the wind, but he knew anyway. He always knew your thoughts and feelings, woefully uncomplicated as they were.

Hades sighed as his eyes opened, fixing on you. He wore an expression far worse than disgust or anger or hatred or even rage. It was the worst of them all. Pity.

“No,” he told you. His voice was gentle, you supposed, in the same way freezing to death was gentle when compared to burning alive. There was something within him that felt bad, you could believe that. You needed to believe that. But Hades didn’t lie to you, by nature he could not. You almost wished that he could, just for a little while, that he could gather you up in his arms and lie salaciously and without restraint, fill your mind with sweet lies until it became some flavor of truth. His head tilted in consideration. “As I’m sure you well know, I am fond of you.”

You nodded, looking away from him in a futile attempt to hide your expression. If he couldn’t lie to you, perhaps you could lie to yourself. You could close your eyes and turn those words over in your mind so many times that eventually they sounded like the admission of love that you so desperately craved, hidden behind coded language and his dramatic pretense.

“The contract we made,” you muttered, twisting the ring he’d given you idly. It shined like obsidian in the magically synthetic light, flawlessly smooth. “It’s eternity, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Hades confirmed.

Your eternity—whatever that meant for you—was to be spent loving someone who would never love you in return. Remembering things wasn’t always very easy, time had become non sequential to the point of meaningless, but you remembered telling Hades that you didn’t believe eternity was a curse all that time ago. Your logic, your argument, had even been love. Surely love would never be a bad thing, it could never curse you.

Surely not.

“Eternity,” you muttered under your breath. “To have and to hold. To love and cherish.”

Hades smiled. It was a sharp, ironic thing. And you wondered about that smile, you wondered if it was at all regretful, or if it was only the cruel amusement of marveling at your pathetic antics. You hoped it wasn’t. You could convince yourself that it wasn’t.

“Till death do us part.”  

[luna-writes-stuff]

Day 11: This Love, Fives

Song link

Fanfic, fem!Reader

Fluff

Word count: 2153

Tw: This was originally written on Wattpad three years ago and you can tell. Yell against the wall, idc; i needed something. Slight references to battle grounds.

Summary: Fives always held the habit of bringing you tiny gifts after shifts and missions. For once, you wanted to return him the favour. But when he comes home earlier, you are still in the midst of your work. And all Fives wants to do is lay in bed and do nothing.

“Clear blue water High tide came and brought you in And I could go on and on, on and on, And I will.”

Three weeks. It has been three weeks since you last saw Fives. He had yet another mission and you weren't allowed to complain.

You knew what you were getting yourself into when you started this relationship. You had just wished he would wake you up before he left. Each time he has to leave before sunrise, he refuses to wake you up and leaves you a little note with chocolate instead. Why the chocolate? You never knew. Eventually it just became tradition and you decided not to question it.

You never knew how long Fives would be gone. It could be two days, but it could also take two months. Fives would call you every single night, keeping you updated on whatever is happening, telling you he loves you, sending you a virtual kiss and occasionally tearing up because he just wants to hold you.

“Skies grew darker Currents swept you out again And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone.”

This time however, you decided to surprise him. You had redone the entire living room within two weeks and decided that the kitchen was next. You had ripped out every single cupboard door, repainting it and buying completely new cutlery and tableware for the kitchen. It took you three whole days to repaint everything in the kitchen, but the work had finally paid off.

You were currently rearranging the cups and mugs, making sure that they were separated. You had redone this at least four times, but it never seemed to have the effect you wanted. You were so busy with the stupid cups, that you didn't even hear the door open. You had climbed onto the counter to be able to reach the cupboards correctly. You didn't want to waste your time using a chair instead.

"Cyare, you know what I think about this." You suddenly heard behind you.

You yelped and dropped one of the cups, making it shatter as it came in contact with the floor.

"Noooo!" You yelled, jumping of the counter, falling to your knees next to the fallen pieces of the purple cup.

“In silent screams In wildest dreams I never dreamed of this.”

"You killed Maximilius." You joked, looking up at Fives. He smiled at you and kneeled down beside you.

"I've missed you too."

Before he could react, you jumped on him, wrapping your arms around his neck and tackling him to the floor. He laughed and wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you tight.

"Missed you more." You mumbled as you buried your face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his all too familiar scent.

"I see you've changed our living room." He whispered, kissing your cheek. You broke the hug and laid your arms next to his head, looking down at him.

"I have. I know you like blue, so I tried to work it into the furniture a little, but it was really difficult because there aren't a lot of blue couches, which is weird because they had millions of pink ones. And did you know that the even sold-" You didn't have the time to finish as he planted his lips against yours. You didn't even try to fight back as you happily moved your lips in sync with his, mesmerizing the familiar feeling.

“This love is good This love is bad This love is alive back from the dead.”

"You were rambling." He said, breaking the kiss.

"Only because I know how you stop me." You answered with a smirk, climbing off of him. "I had actually hoped you would've been gone a little longer. Might have finished the kitchen in time." You mumbled, looking at the open cupboards, squinting your eyes at a plate that was a tiny different shade of yellow than the others ones.

“Curse you...." you mumbled quietly.

“These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me.”

"Well, you are going to take a break right now, because I'm really tired and I could use your cuddles." Fives spoke, standing up and wrapping his hands around your waist from behind. You sunk into his chest and held onto his arms, which were still covered in their armor.

"How about, you take a shower first and get into some more comfortable clothing? Then, we'll talk." You spoke, turning around in his grip and planting a quick kiss on his lips.

"Won't you join me?" He asked, pouting at you.

“Tossing, turning Struggled through the night with someone new And I could go on and on, on and on.”

"I'm busy. Plus, I showered this morning. Now go. Shoo." You placed another quick kiss on his lips and nudged him out of the kitchen.

"And I want a good shower! Not a ten-second shower because you're in dying need of attention." You yelled after him.

“But I am!" You hear his response from the bedroom.

"These are my terms, you dork!"

“Lantern, burning Flickered in the night, only you But you were still gone, gone, gone.”

You kneeled down next to the broken cup and picked up the big shards of glass, throwing it into the container. After sweeping the floor you could finally hear the water in the refresher running. You let out a sigh of relief and climbed back up and the counter, resuming your quest to find the perfect order for the cups and mugs.

A few minutes later, you had moved onto the cutlery. The biggest challenge of them all. Every single, silver, shining piece was laying on the counter. The water had stopped running a few seconds ago, putting you under pressure as you wanted to finish the kitchen tonight.

“Why did I buy so many spoons?! I only need two!" You groaned in aggravation, slamming your hand next to the spoons. "I know I shouldn't have listened to that sales-lady."

"Cuddles!" You heard from the bedroom.

"Five more minutes!"

"No. Now!"

“I'm busy!"

“In losing grip On sinking ships You showed up just in time.”

There was no response for that and you assumed you had won. Naturally, you went back to the cutlery.

“Okay, these are the tiny spoons, so they should be in the smaller basket on the counter along with the dessert forks." You mumbled to yourself, picking up the spoons.

"Come here." You heard from behind you.

Before you could grab a spoon to defend yourself, Fives had slung you over his shoulder and started walking towards the bedroom.

"Put me down!"

"You'll run right back to the kitchen." He swung you onto the bed and plopped down beside you. You quickly rolled over and tried to escape the bed.

“This love is good This love is bad This love is alive back from the dead.”

"Oh no, you don't." Fives responded quickly and grabbed your waist, dragging you into his arms.

"You promised." He said, kissing your temple.

“I said I would think about it. And I really want this finished tonight." You pouted, trying to fight his grip.

"You're not going anywhere, cyar'ika." He mumbled, nuzzling his head against the back of your shoulder. You groaned and crossed your arms, even though it didn't make much of a difference.

"But the lights..." you mumbled. "I left the lights on." A grunt of disapproval was heard behind you as the warm grip on your disappeared.

“These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me.”

"I'll get it. You stay here." You nodded and laid silently until you were sure he had left the room.

Then it was your time to strike.

You quickly snuck out of the bedroom and waited in the hall. As Fives shut down the lights, you hid in the shadows. He passed you and made his way back into the bedroom. You then ran into the kitchen and switched the lights back on, resuming your earlier arrangement about the spoons and forks.

"Y/N!" Was heard from the bedroom as your eyes widened. You quickly grabbed a handful of spoons and dropped them into the basket.

"Y/N! Get your ass back in bed!"

“This love left a permanent mark This love is glowing in the dark, These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me.”

"No!!" As you turned around you came face to face with Fives.

This time you were prepared and held the spoon in your hands, holding it like a lightsaber. Fives let out a disappointed sigh and shot you a questioning look.

"I have a spoon and I'm not afraid to use it!" You said as threatening as possible.

"Fine. Go back to your spoons." He said, sitting down on the dining table. "I can wait."

You slowly lowered your spoon and looked at him confused. Nevertheless, you decided not to question it and went back to the cutlery.

“Your kiss, my cheek I watched you leave Your smile, my ghost I fell to my knees.”

You could feel Fives nearing you, but you decided to ignore him. You knew he noticed, but he didn't seem to mind.

“Can I help you with anything?" He asked, finishing his sentence with a yawn.

You turned around and only now noticed the bags under his eyes. You had to admit, you did feel bad for neglecting him like that. He was really doing his best. You just wanted to make him happy by showing him a finished living room and kitchen.

“When you're young, you just run But you come back to what you need.”

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." You said softly, lowering the three forks in your hand and placing it on the counter.

"I just wanted to surprise you when you came back home. You often come home with something like flowers, jewelry, food or souvenirs. I wanted to do something special too. I had hoped to be finished on time."

He didn't respond. He just walked closer to you and took you in his arms. You rested your head on his chest as he softly ran his hands through your hair.

“This love is good This love is bad This love is alive back from the dead.”

"I know cyar'ika, but I'm really tired now. I haven't had decent sleep in four days and I could really use some rest. And judging to the looks of this place in the time I've been gone, you haven't had decent sleep either."

"It had to be finished." You mumbled, slipping your hands under his shirt, rubbing circles on his back.

"We can finish it. Tomorrow. Together. For now, let's just get some sleep." You hummed in approval and reached up to kiss his chin.

"Okay." You mumbled, resting your head back on his chest.

Neither of you broke that hug, but you were too comfortable to even try to back away. Slowly, you slipped your hands back onto the surface and wrapped your hands around his neck. He got the hint and leaned done, giving you a tired, yet heartfelt kiss.

“These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me.”

"Let's get some sleep." You murmured, your lips barely parted from his.

He nodded and grabbed your thighs, hoisting you up. You smiled happily and wrapped your legs around his waist, resting your head on his shoulder. As he shut off the lights, you planted a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I love you." You whispered, tracing the five on the side of his head.

“Love you more." He whispered back, shutting the bedroom door behind you.

As he slowly lowered your body onto the bed, you quickly grasped the sheets and dived under it. He laughed at your reaction and slipped into bed next to you. You snuggled up next to him, laying your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, which was faster than usual.

“This love left a permanent mark This love is glowing in the dark These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me.”

“Why is your heart beating so fast?" You mumbled, sleep already taking you over.

"Because I've missed this. It's difficult to go to sleep when you're not there. And right now, everything just feels right. And that makes me happy." You smiled at that and rested your hand on the other side of this chest. He softly kissed the top of your head.

"You're not going to get changed?" He remarked.

"I was wearing sweatpants and a loose t-shirt anyway. Can't see why I can't sleep in this." You shot back, closing your eyes and wrapping your legs around one of his.

"’Night, cyare."

"Goodnight, handsome."

“This love came back to me.”

[amaranthineoceans]

Everything Weird About Deltarune!

Spoiler Warning for Undertale and Both Chapters of Deltarune! Really! I Literally Go Through Everything I Can Remember About Them!

This is a long post so get comfortable. Also note that my brain doesn't process thoughts into words very well so some of these might not be worded in the best way. :)

Deltarune. The first teaser chapter was released on October 31, 2018, and it came out of nowhere. We've all gone through this, but I'll try and go through every single painstaking detail I can remember. Feel free to reblog and add/correct things.

The weirdness begins right off the bat. The title is an anagram of UNDERTALE. We all know Toby likes to use anagrams when he wants to indirectly tell us when things are related, so it's no surprise that when you go to download DELTARUNE, it warns you that the game is designed for people who have played UNDERTALE. You think, "Cool, so it's a sequel? Or maybe a prequel? A different perspective of UNDERTALE perhaps?" You were wrong; so terribly, terribly wrong! I'll elaborate on this later.

Before you download the application, the terms of service that you must agree to beforehand reads simply and plainly, "You accept everything that will happen from now on." This detail was kinda brushed off in the beginning, because, hey, it's Toby Fox. He does weird stuff all the time. But even in the first chapter, it's apparent that the concept of choice, or more accurately, the lack of it, is a very present theme in the game. I would like to remind you that Toby has announced that there will be one ending in the game. One. I'll elaborate on this later.

The program (as in, what the game is called in your files) is named SURVEY PROGRAM. Why not just call it Deltarune like it is when you download chapter two?

The game launches you, without a title screen, without any setting adjustment options, straight into a reference to the theme of the entire franchise: the lack of choice. A strange formless voice guides you through "making a vessel", with what we know now as a fountain in the background. You have the option to make some very disturbing choices in this character creator, such as making its favorite flavor "pain" or expressing your feelings about it with options such as "fear" and "disgust." You name your "creation," tell the formless voice your name (which is different from your vessel's name) and watch as said formless voice muses over your name at an agonizing pace. It thanks you for your time and tells you that your wonderful creation, (cue music cutout and background removal) will now be discarded. "No one can choose who they are in this world." The screen slowly turns white as the voice says, "Your... name... is..."

It gets weirder. The next scene appears from the whiteness and showcases Toriel calling "Kris" out of bed. Kris' area of the room is very bare in contrast to the other side, which we later discover is Asriel's.

It's Toriel. Why is Toriel here?

Kris is kind of an anagram of Frisk (the protagonist of UNDERTALE) but without the F. I highly doubt this is a coincidence.

Speaking with Noelle is the only reason you can proceed (see what i did there?) while finding a partner in the classroom. This means you can't go through the 1st chapter without knowing who she is. Is it because of the Snowgrave route?

Ralsei is just suspicious to me. There's no way he was just waiting in that castle his whole life alone without some mental toil. So either he's insane or he wasn't alone the whole time. What happened? Is it related to how he can close his eyes and see what Susie is going through when she's apart from the party? Was he just watching everything? Is he related to the formless voice?

Susie's icon is the only one without color in the Dark World.

Jevil's fight is more difficult than Sans'.

Your actions have little consequence in the first chapter. If you choose to go genocide, the only difference in the ending is being run out of the kingdom, and this doesn't carry over to the next chapter. Again, lack of choice, people.

If at the end of chapter one, you walk around town, it's mentioned (notably by Noelle) that you're usually not this talkative. If you go to the hospital and speak with the receptionist, they mention that you used to play the piano in the corner. If you decide to attempt to play the said piano, an out-of-key bash can be heard and the receptionist comments on how you used to play beautifully. If you try this in chapter two, the result is the same. All this is confirmation that Kris is acting noticeably weird.

When you leave the Dark World and walk around town, you can find Sans. He "pretends" to recognize you, and if you tell him you recognize him, he tells you it's funny, considering that you two have never met before. He winks. I'm pretty sure he knows that the player is there.

The mention of Papyrus in both games, but the purposeful lack of him. Like he's avoiding you.

If you go upstairs while inside Asgore's flower shop, there are flowers in glass cases resembling his SOUL collection in UNDERTALE. There's a red flower.

You can't enter the church.

The clock in the storage closet shows a different time than all the others in the school.

If you go all the way south in town and into the woods, the music stops and you come across a rusty, double door is in a hill covered in crass. It's locked. If you go this way in chapter two, however, you watch a cutscene where you and susie happen to find Monster Kid from UNDERTALE (or someone resembling them) and an owl kid in front of the door. The owl kid is pressuring Monster Kid to (presumably) break inside, telling them that they don't want to be a wimp like Kris. Does this imply that Kris is connected to this strange door somehow?

The ending. You know what I'm talking about.

Did Kris actually rip out the SOUL (I say "the" because I'm not entirely sure it's Kris') and knife because they wanted to eat the pie? Did they only eat the pie because Toriel caught them?

Why did they look at the player? Are they sick of being controlled? Is that why they freaked out after the Spamton fight? (later)

Anyway, now we're at chapter two.

DELTARUNE Chapter Two was released on September 17th, 2021. 17. Entry Number 17. Sound familiar?

Asriel's part of the room is different from the last chapter. I don't think this means anything sinister, but I think it means Kris notices different things about the room as the story progresses. My theory is that it will become more sinister in each chapter.

Ralsei getting super excited to see Susie and Kris after a day. As in he has separation anxiety and it breaks my heart. not anything suspicious but it makes me sad so it's on the list.

Kris and Susie's rooms. Ralsei REALLY doesn't want them to leave. Seriously get this boy a therapist. Or a stuffed animal. SOMETHING.

Kris having to gather everything from the storage closet so that people appear in the Dark World????? Why??????????????? They had to do the same thing for the computer lab too.

The golden door. I don't trust it.

How/why the heck did Noelle and Berdley go into the Computer Lab Dark World? I don't see either of them just walking into pulsing void doors without Susie.

Apparently the knight has been gone for a bit and can corrupt people's minds? The king in the first chapter doesn't seem like he can be redeemed but Queen just seems,,, not bad, but a little crazy. I wonder what happened.

Then again, name ONE person in this franchise without trauma.

Spamton.

Horror doesn't bother me. Spamton? Spamton bothers me.

SPAMTON. ENOUGH SAID.

A Kromer is a type of hat invented in the '70s. Nobody named Mike is associated with it, that I can find.

SPAMPTON. HOW DO I EVEN DESCRIBE IT.

HIS SONG IS THE ONLY ONE WITH WORDS.

The way he asks Kris is they want to be a heart on a chain their whole life. Like, dude, no wonder they were screaming after the fight.

WHERE DID THE YELLOW HEART COME FROM. YELLOW MEANS JUSTICE. WHY DOES JUSTICE APPLY.

Kris screaming after the fight and the player not being able to hear it. Don't you dare tell me that's just how the game is designed. There are sound effects characters make throughout the game. None that I can think of apply to Kris, apart from when they rip their soul out.

Ralsei brushing off the Spamton fight. Either that's his coping mechanism or he was trying to shut Susie and Kris up to protect them from... something. I'll touch on that in a minute.

According to Queen, DETERMINATION is a key factor in creating a fountain.

Also according to Queen, Kris, Noelle, and Susie all have DETERMINATION SOULS.

Ralsei freaking out about Berdley making a fountain implies that he may also have DETERMINATION. Why I'm bringing all this up will make sense soon.

How was Noelle able to cast Snowgrave... a spell that she, according to her, didn't know?

The Snowgrave route is so twisted.

You manipulate Noelle into killing Berdley and then, when you get back to the computer lab and investigate his corpse, the text box says that he doesn't seem to be awake. As if you're in denial?

Burgerpants recognizes you. Not Kris. As in the player.

The ending. I don't think I need to describe it. Kris is very methodical without the SOUL. (I say "the" because, again, I'm not 100% convinced it's theirs.) I'm saying this about how they left clues that someone broke into the This proves that they are NOT a mindless, vengeful husk.

HOW DID THEY MAKE THE FOUNTAIN WITHOUT THE SOUL INSIDE OF THEM. DID THEY FEED THE SOUL TO IT AFTERWARDS? IS THAT WHAT THAT WAS?

Another point I would like to make is my theory that Ralsei knows much more than he would have us believe. I might put this into a different post because I have yet to gather my points into a coherent bullet point list, so keep an eye out for that.

Anyway apart from Toriel and Susie being VERY heavy sleepers, I think I've gone through everything. I have a few theories.

1. Kris is possessed by the player and figured out that they could make a fountain from Queen and related to Spamton freaking out about freedom. They then decided to make a fountain going by the logic that "this would tick the player off." This is one of my top theories that assumes that the SOUL is theirs.

And 2. Kris is possessed by both the player and the knight. I think the formless voice at the very beginning of the game is the knight, and they somehow needed the player to possess someone with DETERMINATION. If so, then why Kris? We know from Queen that Noelle and Susie, and maybe even Berdley also have DETERMINATION. The most plausible thing I can think of is the fact that human souls are stronger than monster ones.

I do think that the popular theory (about the one that suggests that the Dark Word is nothing but a figment of a child's imagination, and the events that occur in said Dark World are simply children playing with toys) has been thoroughly dashed due to Berdley's murder in the genocide route of the second chapter. Unless he's not dead. Regardless, how the events (or lack thereof) that occur in the second chapter play through the next will be interesting, especially considering Toby's announcement about how there will be one ending to the game. So either Berdley isn't dead, or he will be.

Aaaand I think that's it! Sorry for the long post; let me know your thoughts and if I missed anything!

[kkodzvken]

suit up - hawks x f. reader

the one where keigo marries the girl of his dreams, and then takes her home and shows her just how loved she is. title cred/inspo: suit up by jonghyun

notes/warnings: smut and fluff (your teeth may rot and fall out, you’ve been warned), soft dom!keigo, praise kink, slight size kink, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex + creampie. reader and kei use the traffic light safe word system and they review it beforehand, and he checks in with her at one point but she’s green, so everything is 100% consensual. they flirt + kei says explicit things at the reception but nothing /actually/ happens in public. mentions of alcohol

wc: 5.3k

a/n: this idea’s been bouncing around my head for a while bc i wanna marry this dumbass so bad :’) my first full hawks fic!! im so happy hehe

Beautiful.  

You’re so beautiful.

Keigo’s always known, of course. He’s found you beautiful since the very first moment that he laid his eyes on you, all those years ago. He tells you that you’re beautiful every single day, no matter how much you roll your eyes or jokingly tell him to shut up.

You’re beautiful all the time, but there are certain moments that leave him especially breathless. The day that you foolishly challenged Rumi to an arm-wrestling match. The determined look in your eye as you clenched your fist, sweat dripping down your brow and arm muscles straining (you lost, of course – the rabbit hero was ridiculously jacked). The brilliant smile that graces your face whenever he brings you flowers or little souvenirs from his work trips. The very first morning after you moved into his penthouse, when he woke up next to your peaceful sleeping form, and realized that he’d have mornings like this for the rest of his life.

The day that he flew you up to the mountains for a starlit picnic. The smile on your face as you polished off your meal, and the way that your hand flew up to your mouth when he got down on one knee. Your teary-eyed look of pure love as he slipped the ring onto your finger, the diamond gleaming like one of the stars that shone down on you. The way that your eyes rolled back and your legs wrapped around his waist when he took you home and fucked you for hours.

And right now. Keigo swore that his heart damn near burst at the sight of you. The organist was playing, but he couldn’t hear the notes, couldn’t hear anything besides the blood rushing in his ears. Your hands clasped an elegant flower bouquet, and Keigo was sure that the blossoms were pretty, but he couldn’t spare even a second to glance at them. No, his entire focus was trained on you. You, with your beautiful dress that perfectly accentuated the body that he loved so much. When your eyes raised to meet his, and that perfect smile worked its way across your face… he had to bite his inner cheek to try and hold the tears back.

In a simultaneous eternity and heartbeat, you were handing off your bouquet to a bridesmaid and clasping Keigo’s large hands with your much smaller ones. The officiant was speaking, but Keigo didn’t process any of it. The sight of your eyes shining up at him, more beautiful than any of the stars in the night sky, was the only thing anchoring him to the world. He felt like he was floating through a dreamscape with only you, the happiness in his chest powerful and all-encompassing.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You’re talking to a group of your old friends from high school when a tap against your shoulder grabs your attention, and you turn to see your fiancé – no, your husband – smirking down at you. He wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you close. “Excuse me, ladies,” he says to your friends. “Mind if I steal her for a moment?” His amber eyes glint mischievously, and you swear that a whole swarm of butterflies take flight in your stomach.

Your friends giggle and nod, and then Keigo’s spinning you around so that you’re face-to-face. He’s stunning, in his black suit and red dress shirt, the shade of crimson matching his wings perfectly. “Dance with me, dove,” he says, before leaning down to press a quick kiss against your lips. You nod, and he leads you towards the center of the venue, where most of your guests are dancing to some cheesy pop song. Keigo nods at the DJ, who nods back and switches to the music. Soft synth notes travel through the speakers, before the singer’s dreamy voice floods your ears.

Your hands find their way to his broad shoulders. His wings move to wrap around you protectively. You’re not sure if he even realizes that he does it – it’s such a normal thing, now, for him to shield you, to create a little cocoon for the two of you. You frown as you feel his muscles moving underneath your fingers. “You’re too tense,” you say, fingers gently kneading at the parts of his back that you can reach. “Let me give you a massage once we get home.”

He chuckles, one of his own hands coming up to capture yours. He laces your fingers together before bringing your hand up to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss against your skin. The look he gives you is so tender, the love radiating off his body so palpable, that it makes your knees feel week. “Sweet, but I’m the one who’s going to be taking care of you tonight.” You open your mouth to protest, but he tuts, and a feather flies up to shush at your lips. “No, listen. You’re driving me crazy. Every time I turn my head, I see you looking so damn beautiful that my heart stops. Makes me wanna just pull you away and rip that pretty dress off.”

You gasp at his words, a pretty blush dusting your cheeks. “Kei! People are gonna hear you!”

He shrugs, pulling you even closer and swaying your bodies lightly to the music. “Let them,” he says nonchalantly, but the glint in his eye is pure sin. He leans down so that his lips brush against the shell of your ear. You can’t help the shudder that wracks through your body as his warm breath hits your skin. “You’re so cute when you’re blushing like that. Did I make you flustered, baby?” His fingers release yours, instead gripping your chin and forcing you to meet his eyes. “Answer me, love.”

You nod, feeling small. Only Keigo can affect you like this, can reduce you to a trembling mess with just a few words.

You love it.

He smirks at your confession, pressing a kiss against your cheek before leaning his forehead against yours. “What do you say we jump ship, babe?” Your confusion must show on your face, because he continues. “I think I might die if I have to wait much longer to get my hands on you. And judging by the way you’re acting… I’d bet good money that you’re already dripping for me.”

“Kei!” You swat at his chest before burying your face in it. He laughs, one of his real, genuine laughs that makes your heart soar, before kissing the crown of your head.

“I don’t see you denying it.”

“Shut up.”

“Aw, is my cute little wife flustered?”

Wife. The word sounds so pretty rolling off his lips that you can’t resist retreating from the safety of his chest to press your lips against his. He cups your face with one of his large, rough hands and kisses you back. His wings shift to cover you up before the hand on your waist moves down to pinch at your ass – or, at least, it tries. The layers of your dress obstruct him, and he growls in frustration.

You can’t help but whine as well. You want him all the time, of course. Years of being together haven’t changed how fucking badly you want him all the time. You’d used up all your willpower behaving for the ceremony and the reception so far. You’d been good, had kept your hands to yourself throughout dinner and the toasts. But now, the mix of his body against yours, the dirty words that he’d whispered into your ear, and the cocktails running through your bloodstream were making it very hard for you to ignore the pooling heat between your legs.

You wanted him. You wanted your husband.

“Please,” you whisper. Under normal circumstances, you’d hate how whiny and pathetic you sound, but you’re too far gone to care. “Please, let’s go, Kei. Need you.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

A few whispered words to Rumi, and a knowing smirk from her, and you were gone. It was surprisingly easy to slip out the venue. You’d expected to be stopped by some nosy family member, but it seemed that everyone was too tipsy and having too much fun to care. Nevertheless, you had to be careful once you stepped out into the fresh night air. The number two hero’s wedding was perfect paparazzi bait. You didn’t even want to think about the feeding frenzy that the media would go into if they caught sight of you now.

The night sky was like a shield, though, and it protected you from prying eyes. You’d been discreet when picking the wedding and reception venues, and even more discreet in choosing your honeymoon destination. Tomorrow morning, you and Keigo would fly up to the mountains, where he’d rented a little cabin for the two of you. By some miracle, he’d managed to get a whole week off work – a whole week where you’d have him, entirely to yourself.

But right now, you aren’t thinking about tomorrow morning, or the lovely, peaceful honeymoon that you were about to embark on. Right now, the only thing you can think about is Keigo. Keigo, with his beautifully messy hair that moved like ocean waves as you soared through the air. There’s nothing in this world that you love more than flying with him, pressed against his sturdy body with his strong arms wrapped around you. Light pollution makes it hard to see the sky from the ground, but up here, the moon and stars are breathtaking.

Almost as breathtaking as your husband, who’s eyes are prettier than any stars could ever hope to be.

He looks down and catches you staring, taking him in with your wide, wondrous eyes. You can barely hear anything through the noise-cancelling headphones that he makes you wear whenever you fly, but his words reach you, clear as day – “I love you.”

“And I love you.” Your voice comes out small, stolen away by the rushing wind. You try again, louder this time. “I love you!”

He chuckles, chest shaking as he tries to keep his laughs contained. “You trying to one-up me? I can be loud too.” He takes a deep breath, before tipping his head back and shouting an I love you up into the heavens.

His lips are soft and sweet as candy when they dip down to meet yours. “I’m just so happy,” he whispers against you. “You make me so happy.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The moment that you set foot into the penthouse, you gasp.

“Oh, Kei,” you breathe, hand flying over your mouth.

He bounces nervously as he locks up the balcony door, not meeting your eye. “Do…do you not like it?”

You march up to him and grab his face in your hands, before standing up onto your tip-toes and planting a kiss on his forehead. “I love it, baby. Really, you’ve outdone yourself.”

He perks up at the praise, kissing your lips once before his hands move down and he picks you up, clean off the ground. You can’t hold your shrieking laugh back as he spins you around, a smile lighting up his face like a god damn Christmas tree.

The house is beautiful. Really, he did outdo himself. Back when you’d first started dating, he’d had to call off your six-month-anniversary date because of a mission. You’d assured him that it was fine, that you understood, but you’d be lying if you said that you weren’t upset. He promised that he would be back in a week at the latest. You’d spent the night with your friends, eating ice cream and watching shitty movies, and left for work the next morning. You weren’t expecting him back for a few days at least, but when you opened your door after an exhausting day at work, he was there, waiting for you. Scratches on his face and bandages on his arms, but he was there. And he’d decorated your apartment with flowers and fairy lights, centered around a haphazardly made blanket fort in the center of the living room. Little candles were placed across the room, each with a red feather standing guard, making sure that the flames didn’t accidentally get knocked over and grow. After you’d gotten over your initial shock – how the hell did you get in here, Kei – you ran into his arms and squeezed him, tight. He didn’t let go of you for the entire night – his body always pressed against yours, fingers constantly entwined, even as he made you cum so many times that you forgot your own name.

It was one of your fondest memories, one that always brought a smile to your face. You’d mentioned it offhandedly last week, while you were in the weeds with wedding planning. Honestly, you didn’t think that he’d even heard what you said, with how stressed and busy the two of you were. He was picking up extra patrols to make up for his honeymoon vacation time, and you were working your ass off to get your overbearing boss off your back.

But he had heard. He heard, and he listened, because that’s just the kind of lover – the kind of husband – that Keigo is. Attentive, sweet, and intuitive. You swear, he spoils you beyond belief. You don’t even know when he got the time to decorate the apartment today, but it’s beautiful. Even more beautiful than the decorations from your six-month-anniversary, because this time, the sight is sweetened by the knowledge that this is your shared home. This isn’t just your apartment, that your friends helped sneak him into so he could fancy it up. This is your shared space, where you’ll spend the rest of your lives together. Where you’ll wake up in his arms every morning, his wings wrapped around you protectively, fragmenting the morning light into shards of red. Where you’ll make meals together and laugh at his bad cooking, where you’ll take sanctuary from the harshness of the world. This place is your home. Keigo is your home.

He finally stops spinning, but refuses to set you down. Instead, he readjusts you so that he’s carrying you bridal style. You almost laugh at how cliché it is. It feels like something out of a cheesy rom-com, but you’re so happy that you feel like you’re in one of those rom-coms.

You do laugh out loud when you see the trail of petals leading to your bedroom. Keigo feigns disappointment, dramatically sighing. “Don’t laugh, princess, you wound me.” That just makes you laugh even more, and soon, he’s joining in, burying his face in your hair as he walks the two of you towards the bed. “C’mon, I’m trying to be romantic! Quit making me laugh!”

“I can’t help it,” you giggle as he gently places you onto the bed. Thankfully, he had the common sense to not put any petals on the actual bed, but the floor is absolutely covered. Blossoms line the walls as well, along with candles that bathe the room in their gentle glow. You take a second to admire how beautiful your husband looks in the soft light. The shadows make his wings seem that much bigger as they unfurl to their full size. He looms over you, looking like the most delicious mix of devil and angel that you’ve ever seen. There’s still a playful smile on his face, but something mischievous simmers beneath it.

“Hope you didn’t forget what you said at the reception hall, baby,” he says, eyes glinting. “What was it? Hmm, something like, need you, Kei, need you to take me home and fuck me, I’m already so wet for you.”

You groan and try to bury your face in your hands, but he’s too fast. He grabs your wrists and pins them above your head, easily wrapping them with just one of his large hands. “You’re making shit up,” you pout. “I only said the first part.”

“So you admit you said it? That you need me?”

“Shut up.”

“Mm, no thanks.”

You groan again, trying to suppress your smile. There are plenty of times that you and Keigo have had “serious” sex, but you mostly find yourself like this, devolving into giggles and teasing. There’s something about him that makes you feel so safe and at ease, and you can’t help yourself from giggling at his stupid remarks. He laughs, and releases your wrists to cradle your face with both his hands. He shifts so that he’s properly on top of you, his thighs on either side of your hips, and bends down to press kisses all over your face.

“My wife,” he breathes, in between kisses. “My sweet, beautiful, amazing wife. This dress is so pretty, but let’s take it off, my love. You don’t need it anymore.”

It takes a few minutes of awkward wriggling and tugging to finally remove the lace monstrosity, but at long last, the dress ends up on the floor. Keigo’s hands are on your body in an instant, fingers trailing over the curve of your waist and snapping the waistband of your panties. “God, you’ve got such pretty little lingerie on.”

“Wanted to dress up for you,” you say, pawing at his tie and trying to loosen the knot. It makes you feel small, to be so exposed while he’s still fully dressed. Normally you love to savor in that feeling, but right now, you need to feel his bare skin against yours. “Now take your clothes off, please.”

You finally manage to loosen his tie enough to pull it over his head. After stopping for another deep kiss, your hands continue their path over his body. His suit jacket comes off next, although he has to help you gently maneuver it off his wings. His cuff links clatter to the ground as you almost viciously rip off his dress shirt, and you moan when you finally feel his warm muscles.

You’re practically grinding into each other by now. Little whines leave your lips as you shamelessly roll your hips, seeking any friction you can get. You can feel his hardness, even through his thick pants, and you chase it with vigor. He’s not much better, a light blush dusting his face as he meets your rolls with shallow thrusts of his own. “Off, off, Kei, need to feel you,” you babble, fingers desperately trying to undo this belt buckle. Breathlessly, he pushes your fingers aside and pulls his belt off, unceremoniously throwing it across the room. You half expect it to collide with a candle and set the entire building on fire, but a few feathers fly out to catch it and gently set it down.

You don’t waste a second in pulling his pants down and throwing them as well, trusting that a feather will keep it from crashing into anything. Your fingers try to pull down the waistband of his boxers, but he tuts and grabs your hand.

You look up at him with pleading eyes. “Please,” you whine.

The smile on his face is gentle beyond belief as he answers. “I told you that I was going to take care of you tonight, baby. Let me make you feel good, okay? Can I make you feel good?”

You want to protest, want to beg him to stuff your face or your cunt and fuck into you until you’re lightheaded, but Keigo’s insistent about making you cum at least twice before even thinking about his own pleasure. And you can’t deny that you’re aching for him. You’re certain that you’ve soaked through your flimsy panties by now, and your mind is hazy with want.

You nod. Keigo takes your face in his hand, gently stroking your cheek with his thumb. “Can you give me your colors too?”

You force your mind to push through the fog, force your heavy lips to move and form words. “G-green for good, yellow for slow down, red for stop.”

“Good girl.” The praise goes straight to your core, and you whine. “Oh, baby, I know I just vowed to give you everything you could ever want, but you’re so damn needy. Be patient for me, okay? Let me touch you.”

You nod obediently, but you can’t fight the urge roll your hips and feel him again. With a soft, scolding noise, he presses one of his hands into your hipbone, effectively pinning you to the mattress. Try as you might, you can’t squirm away. He’s so ridiculously strong, his muscles toned from years of training and hero work, that you’re no match for him. But it’s not so bad. You love the dominance that oozes off his body as he moves down, his hands and tongue exploring every inch of skin that they can find. His teeth nip at the sensitive spot on your neck, the spot that always makes you melt for him. You shamelessly sigh and tilt your head to give him more access.

His right hand, the one that isn’t currently pinning you to the mattress, plays with the lacy edges of your bra. He palms you through the thin fabric, making you groan and arch your back into his touch. It’s not enough, you need more, need to feel more of him before you lose your mind. He seems to read your mind, because he doesn’t even bother to unclasp the bra, electing instead to rip it clean off your body. The snap of the straps breaking makes you gasp, but you revel in the sting of the elastic bouncing back against your skin.

“Couldn’t wait,” he says, not a hint of shame on his face. “You know how much I love to tease, but fuck, I need you now.”

He’s a bit more ceremonious when he removes your panties, choosing to use a hardened feather to slice through the fabric instead of just ripping with brute force. He fucking moans at the sight of you, wet and needy for him. It sounds like absolute heaven, but you don’t have even a second to revel in it before he’s diving into you. The sudden rush of pleasure is electrifying, and you go to instinctively slam your legs shut, but Keigo’s hand is too fast again. His tongue doesn’t falter for even a second as his fingers dig into your thighs and push you open. His lips wrap around your clit and suck, and he’s outrageously loud as he moans into your sex. It’s all so much – he’s licking at you like a man on death row, coaxing little whines and gasps from your lips.

His beautiful eyes are trained on yours, pupils blow out with love and lust. He memorizes every little expression that flits across your beautiful face as he eases a finger into you, eyes only leaving your face to admire the way that your little cunt sucks him in. But he can’t tear his gaze away from you, and the way your mouth falls open, or the way that your eyes flutter and roll back. The way that your hands ball up into fists, alternating between grabbing the bedsheets and lacing through his hair. Fuck, he loves how you pull at his hair when his fingers curl up against that spongy spot inside of you that makes you see stars. Loves the little curses and gasps of his name that spill past your lips as he scissors and thrusts his digits deeper and deeper into your perfect pussy.

“Cum for me, princess,” he groans. “Please, cum for me, need you to be a good girl and cum for me.”

And, well, you did just vow to give him everything that he could ever want.

You throw your head back and almost sob as you gush all over his face and fingers. He’s insatiable, licking and fingering you all through it, desperately trying to lap up every single drop of your juices. Your body is shaking, and you whimper, the overstimulation building until it’s too much, until you’re crying out too much, Kei, ‘s too much!

“Give me your color, baby,” he says, slowing his assault against your body.

“G-green,” you stutter out, the words as shaky as your legs. “Green, don’t stop, it’s just – ah! Kei!”

Your verbal confirmation was all he needed to dive back in, sucking at you with even more vigor than before. His fingers twist and curl against your spot, and his tongue lashes at your clit. He doesn’t stop for even a second, burying himself in your heat. It’s all you can do to maintain your grip on his hair, tugging at it just the way that he loves. You’re thrust headfirst into your second orgasm of the night, crying out his name and positively sobbing at the onslaught of sensations.

When he finally pulls away, the lower part of his face is soaked with your cum. He makes a show of licking his lips clean, not breaking eye contact with you, no matter how much you blush and squirm. He saves his fingers for you, though. A gentle tap at your lips is all it takes for you to obediently open your mouth and take in his digits. You swirl your tongue around, eyes lidded with the afterglow of your pleasure.

But you’re not finished, are nowhere near finished. You suppose that you are being needy, but how could you not, when your husband looks like an absolute fucking god? The candlelight makes your cum on his face glisten beautifully. You whine and pull him in for a kiss, mashing your lips against his and greedily swiping your tongues together. It’s sinful. You can taste yourself on him, and it makes you shudder, makes you need him that much more.

“Please, please fuck me,” you beg, wrapping your legs around his slim waist and trying to pull him closer, closer, closer. “Please, Kei, need you inside me, need my husband inside me.”

“Fuck,” he breathes, so quietly that you would’ve missed it if you didn’t feel the word formed against your lips. “Fuck, baby, okay.” His hand slides between your bodies and quickly pushes his boxers down. He uses a feather to pull them all the way off, because he can’t be bothered to focus on that, not when you’re practically drooling at the sight of his cock.

Your fingers twitch, and you aren’t able to hold back any longer. Your hand finds his cock, marveling at how heavy and perfect he feels as you wrap your fingers around him and guide him towards your sopping cunt. You pause before you slide him in, though, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Can I ride you? Please?”

He curses again under his breath, practically shivering at your words. His strong hands reposition the both of you, until you’re sitting on his thigh and he’s leaning back against the headboard. He cocks an eyebrow and smirks. “Well, then? Get to work, princess.”

You roll your eyes, trying not to laugh at his antics. “What happened to Mr. Let-Me-Take-Care-Of-You?”

“He’ll come out later. If my pretty wife wants to ride me, she gets to ride me.”

You laugh for real this time, but it quickly turns into a moan as you sink yourself down on his length. No matter how many times you take him, he always overwhelms your senses, always stretches you so deliciously. You lean your forehead against his and give yourself a second to adjust, and then you’re rolling your hips, little whines leaving your lips.

“Feels so good, Kei.” You throw your head back, your fingers digging into the strong muscles of his back to anchor yourself. “You always feel so good.”

His eyes are half-lidded and dark as he takes you in. He’s memorizing every inch of your body, every detail and movement that he absolutely fucking adores. “You’re the most beautiful thing in the world,” he whispers, seemingly more to himself than you. “So beautiful. I’m so lucky.”

Your thighs burn, but you force yourself to ignore the pain. You’d rather die than stop right now. His strong arms encircle your waist, and his wings surround your bodies, ruffling with every one of your movements.

You want to ignore your exhaustion, but your husband is perceptive as ever. His hips raise up to meet you, and it sends a fresh wave of pleasure through your body. You’re shaky, though, and you’re getting sloppy.

Before you can even process what’s happening, you’re being spun over and pinned to the mattress. A gasp leaves your lips, and you whine as his cock slips out of you. Your hand reaches out and paws around wildly, searching for him through your haze. Keigo’s quick to kiss you and shush your protests, entwining his rough fingers in your searching hand and stroking his thumb against your palm.

“Relax, angel. Let me take care of it.”

He slides into you again, making you both moan. Your pussy sucks him in greedily, clenching and fluttering around him. He pauses once he bottoms out. His face buries into the crook of your neck, and he presses sweet kisses all over your skin.

You wrap your legs around his waist and squeeze, trying desperately to make him move. “Keigo, baby, please,” you whine, fingers digging into the strong muscles of his back.

He coos, cupping your face and kissing you before he readjusts himself. “Of course, pretty girl.”

His thrusts are deep and hard, so hard that they make the entire bed shake. Your eyes flutter shut, but he grips your jaw and begs you to keep them open – please, baby, look at me, need to see my pretty wife fall apart.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he moans, teeth nipping at your lips. “So perfect, and all mine.”

“All yours,” you agree. You’re practically babbling by this point, unable to stop the noises slipping past your lips. You’re floating on a cloud, soaring through the sky, anchored only by his body against yours. “You’re so deep in me, Kei, can feel you so deep in me. Please, ‘m so close, just a lil’ bit more, Kei.”

He coos again, hand slipping down to toy with your clit. You wail, sinking your teeth into his shoulder as the coil in your stomach snaps and you gush uncontrollably. You can’t do anything but cry out for him, can’t do anything but cling onto him and shake and twitch. The feeling of you clenching around him is too much, and with a broken fuck and a cry of your name, he spills inside of you. He fucks you through it, the obscene sounds of your combined release making you feel lightheaded and weak.

He holds you for a few minutes, just like that, bodies entwined. You both pant and try to catch your breath. The weight of his body on top of yours is comforting, so you protest when he finally pulls out and sits back to admire the way that his seed drips out of you.

“Come back,” you complain. “What kind of husband doesn’t give cuddles to his wife?”

“The kind of husband who needs to clean her up,” he says with a chuckle. “C’mon, let’s go take a bath.

Your body feels boneless with exhaustion and the hazy afterglow of your three orgasms, so you’re grateful when he scoops you into his arms. You tuck your face into his neck and hum contentedly, unable to stop the giddy smile that blooms across your face.

“I love you, Kei,” you say, planting little kisses over his neck and jaw.

“I love you too, princess,” he says, grinning and poking your nose. He laughs when you scrunch it up and scowl at him. But, with how cute he looks, you just can’t hold the scowl for long. Soon, you’re giggling too.

You look up at him with so much love that it makes his heart ache. His eyes grow a bit more serious, and he dips his head to kiss at your swollen lips. “I mean it, baby. I’m so happy to spend the rest of my life with you.”

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Grunge-Metal Geralt

Hi, im fucking trash for the idea of Geralt being the front man for a Five Finger Death Punch type band and my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it. This music genre is my bread and butter and I think Geralt’s repressed but highly emotional ass would fit right in. Yes im using another Hozier song, no i dont wanna hear anything about it. I’m a basic bitch and ive made my peace with it

Warnings: i honestly have no idea, its a little horny, little emotional, but theres no actual character interaction?, its at a concert venue? idk yall.

_________________________

Jaskier was… out of his comfort zone.

It’s not that he didn’t like the grunge-metal music, he just hadn’t listened to much and he was not used to the energy. People were yelling and screaming and the opener hadn’t even come on yet. He didn’t feel unsafe, far from it. Several people had checked to see if he was okay, seeing as he was the only person in the entire arena wearing a sweater that wasn't ripped or faded to hell. It was just a far cry from the shows he was used to. 

He played folky-blues. This was nothing like his shows. 

When the lights went down the crowd was deafening, all moving as one to rush the front of the floor, not giving a single fuck about tickets. 

The openers were exciting, and Jaskier was surprised by some of the concepts and messages behind the music. It wasn’t what he’d expected at all and he found himself searching them up on Spotify to listen later. 

Then came The Witchers. 

Eskel and Lambert made their energetic entrance, followed by Aiden calmly walking to his drums and sitting as if he were walking into a college class. But Geralt was nowhere in sight. The one person Jaskier had actually come to see. 

He’d seen a video clip from a previous concert where they covered one of his songs, and he was praying they’d do it again. It was lovely in a haunting-almost-threatening way, and the expression in Geralt’s posture alone was enthralling. He had to see it live. 

But Geralt was still absent as the band started to build a song. First Aiden with the beat, then Eskel’s bass, then Lambert with a melody on his electric guitar. It built and built and built to a fever pitch, taking the crowd with it. People were already jumping and screeching. Jaskier had to stand on his seat to see the stage clearly. 

Geralt’s voice echoed through the venue, low and closer to a growl than singing, but he was still nowhere to be seen.

Jaskier thought he’d been prepared, but his whole body was covered in goosebumps. He briefly wondered if this was what his friends were feeling when they listened to ASMR.

Geralt remained hidden for the whole first verse, getting the crowd even more excited than Jaskier thought possible, only for the band to go completely silent for a whole measure. When the crowd's screams reached their absolute loudest, Geralt dropped from on top of one of the jumbotrons, landing on one of the horse-sized speakers before launching into the chorus. 

Oh fuck, he was even more beautiful in person. 

He was… well he was a beast of a man. Jaskier really didn’t have another word for the way his muscles bulged and how lithe and powerful he looked springing from the speaker to join his bandmates on the main stage. His thighs filled out his black, tattered jeans and there were clear faded spots where his muscles strained the fabric too often. The thin black tank he wore did nothing but pretend the man was semi-modest. It was so tight, the only thing left up to the imagination was tan lines and the color of his nipple piercings. 

Jaskier was most entranced by his long, white, wavy hair falling past his shoulders. As the show continued and he started to sweat, a lot, it got curlier and curlier at the root. Jaskier wanted to give him a mask and some curl cream, but only after a, uhm, rough night of getting to know each other. He’d heard rumors about Geralt from hitting arenas not long after they’d left. He was quite sure they’d have a great time.

As he focused on the lyrics more and more, he was more inclined to want to wrap Geralt up in a hug and worship every part of him until he felt whole again. 

Either he’d been shown the shitty side of the genre, or The Witchers were exceptions to the rule of content. Jaskier was almost moved to tears a few different times.

Finally, about an hour into Jaskier mindlessly feasting his eyes on the front man, Geralt leapt onto another speaker and sat down, breathing hard and grinning from ear to ear. 

“You still with us?”

The unholy screech from the crowd left no doubt they were just as excited, if not more so, than when they’d arrived. 

“Good! Good..” he trailed off, chuckling as he lowered the mic to take a breath, “We’re gonna slow it down for a minute,” he leaned forward and held the mic away as Eskel shouted something up at him to which he laughed and flipped him off. 

“As I was saying, we’re gonna yearn for a minute or two and do a cover. Song by Jaskier called ‘Talk’.”

The crowd lost their shit again, various pride flags popping up throughout the stands. 

Geralt chuckled and raised his combat boot, showing off the bi flag colored treads, earning another round of screams. If this is what the grunge-metal scene was like, Jaskier had been missing out his entire life. Sure his fans were sweet and supportive and loving when he’d come out. But this was electric and feral and completely addictive.

Lambert struck the opening chord to Jaskier’s song and the crowd settled to a gentle hum, setting the tone immediately, as if they all knew exactly what was coming. 

Geralt closed his eyes as he tapped his thigh with one finger, keeping time before his rumbling baritone hit Jaskier like a freight train. 

“I’d be the voice that urged Orpheus when her body was found…”

Jaskier could have collapsed right there. He knew he was staring like a lovesick idiot, but hell, everyone around him was too. When the chorus hit and Eskel came in with a heavy bass line he nearly fell off his chair. Geralt’s intensity raised with the addition of the backup but he didn’t move. He stayed seated, swaying slightly, with his eyes closed as he crooned out the words Jaskier had sobbed as he wrote, broken hearted and miserable. 

It was surreal. 

Sure he’d seen other covers. Sure they’d been lovely. But he wanted to listen to this and only this as he fell asleep for the rest of his life. He’d never play it again if he could only hear it one more time. 

After the last verse Lambert launched into a guitar solo while Geralt jumped off the speaker and meandered to the center of the stage to slot his mic back in it’s stand. He gripped it like a lifeline when Lambert held one last note for as long as his instrument would allow and only started singing the last chorus when it was almost silent. 

“I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things I would do

So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you

I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we could do

So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you”

His expression looked hopeless and utterly desperate as he crooned out the last two lines. He let his hair fall to cover his face and Jaskier could just barely hear his panting breath over the sound system as the crowd exploded. Geralt tipped his head back and took two deep breaths before straightening up and getting on with the show but Jaskier was stuck. 

He was vaguely aware of someone taking a picture of him, but he really couldn’t care less. The fact that Geralt moved right on to a song called ‘Burn Motherfucker Burn’ didn’t matter either. 

Jaskier jumped down from his arena seat, whipping out his phone and sending the band a tweet, because apparently that’s what musicians did now?

“Record it. Please. It’s either that or sing me to sleep every night. You choose.”

He stayed for the rest of the show and walked to his car in a haze. Before he backed out of his spot he checked his phone like always and his heart nearly stopped at the two top notifications. 

One public reply: “Both? -G”

And one direct message: “If you’re still here and want to grab a drink, I’m just backstage.” 

[laketaj24]

Serotonin

Author’s Note: I finally finished something in my drafts after two months. I feel semi accomplished today! Taglist is open, as are requests!!!! Send them… I want them.

Pairing: Colson Baker x Reader

Warning: Smut, public sex, drinking, language

Inspo Song: Why are you here?

 The eyes searing into you from across the club belonged to Meg Styer; you knew of her well, based on Colson’s Instagram, she was the new arm piece. The well-known model had a reputation of making herself known to the exes, even if that meant starting confrontations when they were not needed. She crossed her long russet brown legs; they shimmered in gold, as did her entire outfit. You felt immediately outdone, thinking of the minimal effort you’d put into the outfit or your makeup today. Tonight's outing was not supposed to be about Colson or this new woman; it was about falling out of this fucking slump you'd found yourself in for the past month.

"It’s lively here.” Eric grinned. Straight edge, Eric.

You cringed inside; if your mother could have created someone on an app, Eric would have been him. Without a doubt, he was handsome, with dark hair, delicate features, and not a tattoo or piercing in sight. The club had been his idea, but parts of you believed he’d gotten the idea from your sister, who knew that there was no way in hell you’d sit at a restaurant and eat. You liked the action; your job called for you to sit in silence and awkward conversations; you didn't want your life to be a damper as well.

“It is,” you looked around, taking everything in, including the abrasive eyes that still remained on you, but it didn’t matter once he entered the room. The black shirt revealed his entire tattoo-riddled chest, even the one of your name he’d gotten a few years back. He looked like he might be up to trying you tonight, so you had to disappear and do so quickly. “We should go to the booth you got.”

“Yeah, sounds like a good idea.”

It wasn’t a good idea; you sat uncomfortably across from the pair watching their every move while trying to suppress the need to end the date abruptly and slap the fuck out of him. Irritating you always was the one thing he did exceedingly well. Meg sat in his lap, draping her arms over his body, throwing her ass on him like she had no shame!  Did he know it was you across the room from him? Did he care? You watched as the waiter brought your third glass of tequila to the table and leaned into Eric, noticing the earthy cologne mixed with the whiskey. He smelled nice, or perhaps you were elusive to the bullshit because being near to him dulled the ache of the scene across from you.

The room to be secluded offered no privacy, so even when you felt alone, you were smothered in the thoughts of what if he saw you kiss or touch this guy- what the fuck was his name again? You uncrossed your legs, clumsily kicking the round glass table in front of you and spilling his drink but thank god not yours.

“I need some air; I’m gonna go get some.” You paused and took your glass. “I’ll be back.” The words scrambled out, and you did too, pushing up from the leather couch and not looking back to see Eric’s reaction to the awkward movements.

Too many people surrounded you, and at the moment, all you truly wanted was to hear nothing and feel nothing, even if it meant you had to get shit-faced. The stairwell didn’t have many people in it; only two women consumed in one another and Colson.

Your heart sunk once you realized it was him, from fear, dread – fucking embarrassment, maybe? He shook his head; you took notice of the three earrings in one ear while the other garnished a seat of crosses that dangled. Colson’s hair was slightly disheveled atop his head; the dark roots peeked out of the platinum blonde tapered cut. He looked great as usual. “I thought you were in for the night?” Colson’s voice carried over the music because he refused not to be heard, especially by you. He looked down at you, nursing the glass of chilled tequila. You’d acquired a taste for it over the years of being with him, Colson drinking tequila like water had rubbed off on you. “This doesn’t look like your place.”

“Did you want something?”

“Why are you here with that broke down,” He paused dramatically, raising his hand as he thought of more insults. “Tom and Jerry looking motherfucker?”

“That’s the best you can do?”

Colson drug his teeth over his lip, “Where you meet him?”

“Where’s that instamodel chick? You know the one with the plastic ass and tits? You leave her in the car just so you can go check on your other hoes, or is she in here with them?”

“Man, stop.”

“I saw her looking at me, don’t tell them about me. I’m not your concern, and I am damn sure not theirs.”

“How’d you catch her looking at you if you weren’t looking at me?” Colson’s cocky smirk sent a rush of anger coursing through your body; even when he lost, he found a sure way to find a confident victory in it.

“Bye, Colson.” Your eyes met his, remembering how blue they were. Even when he was dead drunk, they found a way to still hold onto the Colson you knew was in there somewhere. The sweet one that danced in the rain and stayed in bed with you every free night he could give -- you shook it off. Breaking eye contact with him to look anywhere but the blue crystal stare. You cut down to the ground, admiring your pumps before he turned away from you and left.

The drink was no longer cold, and the tequila didn’t even burn as you chugged down the remnants of the clear liquid. You pinched the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath, and then leaned against the stairwell.

“Long night?” Eric cleared his throat.

“Already, I’m so sorry. Could we leave here?”

Eric shook his head yes and placed his hand on your shoulder, “Is everything okay?”

“Perfectly, fine. It’s fine.” You swallowed. The hazed state of your mind needed to be cleared, especially before you left with him. “Can I meet you upfront? I’m going to freshen.”

“It’s fine; take your time.”

 You wouldn’t take your time; the quicker you were out of this place, the better. Whenever you were in his element, your mind refused to do the right thing. You moved through the crowded dance floor, carefully avoiding familiar faces. And finally, you were at the restrooms splashing the cool water on your face. You looked yourself over, grateful you hadn’t worn makeup—the trickles of water run down your rich ochre brown skin.  Too many thoughts raced through your mind out there but not in here. It was silence, and your mind was in a stupor. For a second, everything stilled, your heart and breathing were relaxed, and everything was back to normal, that moment as everything else was short-lived.

Colson’s reflection appeared in the mirror before you. “I cannot believe you lied to me?” The door clicked behind him.

“I didn’t lie to you.” The way he casually entered the women’s bathroom to start an argument pissed you off. “And get the fuck outta here.”

“We talked earlier today, and you said you were in for the night.”

“You said you were going out by yourself, and you got a whole entourage. So, same shit, we both just single now.”

“Come here.”

“No, you don’t get to tell me to come here. You don’t get to follow me in the bathroom and talk to me about fucking lying when you-.”

Words ended when his lips met yours, he towered over you, but he didn’t mind the effort it took to get to your lips. He walked you against the wall- steadying your steps to his until he picked you up, and as if your body knew the routine, you wrapped your legs around him. Your lips eagerly kissed him back, tugging on his bottom lip before returning to take more kisses. How were you this hungry for him? You wanted nothing more than him to fuck you, rip this dress and ruin you in this unlocked bathroom. “Y/N.”

“Fuck me.” You pleaded.

He only needed the confirmation to move towards his belt buckle unsheathe his dick. There were two ways you fucked, frantic and as if you would never see one another again and then slow – ironically, they both had the same outcome. Your heartbeat matched his, strumming against your chest, and his matched yours. You loved it. There was no foreplay needed; you wanted to feel every inch of the pain he had to offer. He pushed the black dress up to your thighs, bunching the fabric enough that it revealed your pussy for him. He swiped his tongue over the pads over his fingers and swiped your lips. You were wet for him. You had been the whole night, no matter how much you wanted to deny it. He pushed the long finger into you, curling it to press the soft pad that made you squirm and throw your head back in pleasure.

He moved from the wall to the counters, not giving a fuck if someone walked in or not; he spread your legs wider for him and gripped your curls. Exposed to the world, but all you could see was him. You reveled as he slammed into your hilt deep, muted your sequel with his lips, and paused. “You missed me, didn’t you?” He whispered. “Y/N?”

“Shut up,” Your pussy answered for you, squeezing to pull him deeper as he fucked into you. He wasn’t even deep enough for you; your fingers tug on the black shirt as you thrust to meet him each time. Your skin clapped against his every time, his cock expertly hitting that spot inside of you that made you want to cum right then and there. You held it, panting as it began to build up all over your body. He knew the signals, the way your hands rapt against him, legs quivered, and your pussy throbbed.

“Up.” He said, listening to the door open behind him.

Decency had left when he started fucking you, there was no way in hell you’d stop now, and Colson possessed no fucks when it came to sex. They could watch whoever the fuck it was. He positioned you in front of the mirror, bent over for him. Colson’s heavy hand came down on your ass, and then he pushed into you arching your back before wrapping a hand around your hair and fucking into you wildly.

Your ass bounced back on him, and his moans made you wetter. Your fists clenched as you tried to steady yourself – there was no controlling the orgasm that flowed through you. Your breath quickened, your toes curled, and your eyes snapped closed as his name rolled from your tongue.

“Open them eyes.” He gave an arrogant laugh before leaning over you, pushing himself deeper and flicking his tongue over the lobe of your ear.,

Your eyes opened, and you saw yourself flushed with sweat, mouth open, and him fucking the shit out of you. The scene erotic, beautiful, and shit you wanted it again and again. “Oh shit.” You mumbled.

“You think that fucking clown ass suit gone give you this?” He laughed as he slapped your ass again. “I thought not.” He guided you back on him, taking your hips in his hands, making sure you took every inch. He was greedy himself, watching your breast bounce in the reflection of the mirror, all while hearing you echo throughout the entire bathroom. It was music to his ears. Colson slowed his stroke momentarily, peppering, kissing down your shoulder blade before increased his pace once again, and your body jolted. You ground against him, urging him to cum and the pressure built. He panted against your back for a moment and then kissed your exposed skin. “Don’t go home with him.” He whispered, retrieving your panties from his pocket. Colson lowered himself to his knees and turned you around.

“You can’t tell me that.” You whispered.

“I’m asking.”

“Are you taking her home?”

“I can drop her ass off at her place right now.” He smiled, pointing. “Shit, you can ride shotgun.”

Good memories flooded of his snarky ass sense of humor and late nights. “You’re silly.”

Colson adjusted your dress and then stood in front of you, making sure your hair and lipstick was not smudged everywhere. “Drop Chandler off and come home.”

“Fucking hell mate,” Dom’s voice did not seem shocked. “This other chick is trying to kill me out here. Y/N?”

“Dude, will you get the fuck out of here… like now.”

“Fine. I’m leaving.”

“This was-,” You step away. “Uhm, I don’t know. I’ll call you okay?”

“Tonight?”

“Tomorrow.” You clarified. “Or the next day, just give me a damn minute to breathe?”

“Bet.” He sighed. “Should I go first… so it won’t seem suspect?”

“You’re a 6’4” guy leaving the women’s restroom, you’re busted.” You chuckled.

 A/N: I through Dom (Yungblud) in there because I kinda love him just as much lol might right him too! Hope you enjoyed! Thank you! Please let me know what you think!

Taglist: @taytayize123 @supernaturalvikingwhore @jae-writes-fanfiction @bigsisbria @placeoffreedom @kyla-queen @missdforever @gottatoxicattitude @bang-kim-bap @msreshel @blowmymbackout @titty-teetee​

[txtsoft]

we lost the summer.

part 2

pairing: choi soobin x gn!reader x choi yeonjun.

genre: angst, fluff.

words: +1k

summary: a summer love story that ended in tragedy, but made it possible for a winter love story to blossom and warm two broken hearts.

warnings: character death, depressive behavior, given spoilers (?).

notes: hello! long time no see, hm? i hope you're all doing well! i wanted to do something like this since i finished watching given so here it is. i don't think there are many spoilers as the anime was just an inspiration but just so you know. this is kind of a part 1, so i'll probably do a part 2 but if you like it, please let me know!

You didn't feel lonely.

The gentle breeze caressed your face as you listened intently to the sound of ocean waves. For the past few months, it's been a common routine for you to go to that particular beach. Your eyes admired the sunset, occasionally diverting attention to a small group of children playing nearby. You didn't feel lonely, but the tightness in your chest, suffocating and silent, remained there.

Losing someone is like having a part of you ripped off, your whole body cut and split, your heart torn and battered. It's like seeing the world lose their light, songs lose their tone, flowers lose their beauty, stars lose their shine and being forced to move on no matter how lost and hurted you feel because the world cannot wait until you heal.

Losing Soobin was like losing the sun. With his laugh so sweet, his hug so tight and his way of holding your hand so affectionately, he was responsible for all the beautiful memories that you kept so dear. Soobin was the person who loved you with all his heart without asking for anything in return, who gave you your first experiences, who always encouraged you to never give up, who was your first love. Life was too cold and dark without him, too terrifying to take a step forward knowing that you were all alone.

You couldn't understand why. Soobin had always been a gentle soul, unable to harm a single living being. Wherever he went, with a smile so bright it could light up an entire city, he left marks of his kindness and charm. Everyone who knew him loved him. You loved him. Then why? Why was he ripped from you in such a brutal way?

You wish you could forget but every night, when you closed your eyes and darkness was all you had left, you remembered that day. One phone call was enough to devastate your world and destroy your heart. For a moment, everything was silent as if all the sound in the world had been swallowed up by the black hole forming in your chest. For a moment, you couldn't feel the burning tears running down your face and the screams of pain cutting your throat while you listened to his father's shaky voice on the phone, talking about a car accident.

"Soobin didn't make it".

The afternoons at the beach, the movie nights, the gentle touch on your face as you felt his love flowing through your body, the way he played piano when you couldn't sleep, the plans for the future. It was all over.

Soobin was gone and in that day, you lost a part of yourself too.

The next few months were sorrowful. At first people were sympathetic, offering you support and comfort in hopes of calming your heart. You remember seeing his mother at the funeral, holding tightly to the white scarf Soobin always wore before giving it to you with tears in her eyes, saying she wanted you to have that little piece of him. You remember the pitying looks, the whispers about how sad it was that someone as young and full of life as him had been taken away so suddenly. You remember hearing your mother begging you to get out of bed, worried that you hadn't eaten in days. You remember your father's efforts to show you new songs - something Soobin always did to cheer you up - and seeing the sparkle in his eyes fade when he realized it wasn't working.

After a while, people stopped being so nice. Everyone expected that after months, life would return to normal but you refused. You refused to let go of Soobin's memory and refused to live a life where he wasn't there. Your inertia and apathy turned some of your friends away, kept your parents from reaching you and threw you into a world of isolation. However, even against your will, you had to go on living but the shine in your eyes and the smile that had always been so present on your face were nowhere to be found.

When you couldn't sleep at night, fingers dancing on his white scarf, you silently prayed. With tears in your eyes, holding tight to a broken heart, you asked any God who could hear you to set you free. As much as it hurt, deep down you knew that was what Soobin would want. Your happiness was the most important thing to him and he would never want to see you suffer. So you prayed, for you and him, waiting for a miracle.

And it was on a winter afternoon that your prayers were finally answered.

It was a cold friday, classes were over and all of your classmates had already gone home. You were alone in the library, trying to study but your mind was wandering as your fingers played with the white scarf wrapped around your neck. Your eyes strayed to the nearest window, seeing small snowflakes begin to fall but before you allowed yourself to admire that scene for a moment, your attention was caught by something else.

A melody.

A melancholy song, full of silent feelings that seemed to overflow and that wave of emotions drowned you. You felt as if all the feelings that your apathy had kept you from feeling for months were coming back into your body. You had never heard anything like that and before you knew it, your body moved of its own accord, your feet guiding you towards that sound like a beam of light in the middle of the darkness.

When you came to your senses, you were in front of the music room. The door was open and sitting in front of the piano was a young man. His body moved smoothly as his fingers graciously touched the keys. His eyes were closed, his lips slightly open, his hair moving softly in the breeze coming through the window, his whole being guided solely by music.

In that moment, he was ethereal.

When the song ended you gasp, catching his attention and making your eyes meet for the first time. The wind danced around the two of you and your eyes sparkled as you looked at that boy who, without even knowing it, touched your heart. It was like time had stopped and for a second that felt like an eternity, you held his gaze until he spoke.

"Oh... I thought there was no one else here..." he said in a playful tone, but there was a hint of insecurity in his voice.

"I'm sorry, I…" you trailed off, the words mingling in your mind and leaving you breathless. "You played very well".

His eyes widened slightly, as if he wasn't used to being complimented, a small smile in his lips. When you saw him apologizing and quickly getting up from the piano, putting on the coat and turn to pick up his belongings, your voice came out before you could stop it.

"Wait!" you pleaded taking a small step forward, seeing him stop and look at you with enigmatic eyes. "I know this is kind of weird but... Could you please play some more?"

You couldn't decipher his expression. All you wanted was to savor a little more of that feeling before returning to the emptiness you had become accustomed to. Was it too much to ask? But before you could swallow those words and apologize for your boldness, he took off his coat and sat down at the piano again, raising his hand towards a chair next to the instrument.

"Have a seat." he said and you promptly did so, sitting down with your hands on your lap. "What song would you like to hear?"

"Just something that makes me feel." you said sincerely.

He looked a little taken aback by your words, his curious eyes studying you. In fact, it was an odd choice of words and he couldn't help but wonder what would have made you say them. What kind of happiness and joy, anguish and sorrow did you keep behind your empty eyes?

"My name is Yeonjun." he said after a few seconds, his gaze softening as he bent his body slightly towards you. "May I know yours?"

You told him quietly, watching him place his long fingers over the white and black keys, taking a deep breath.

"Well..." he repeated your name and you couldn't help noticing how angelic it sounded in his voice. "I hope I can make you feel."

Not long after, you started meeting Yeonjun whenever you could. Being from different classes, the only time you saw each other was in the music room. In the beginning, he played, you listened and you went on with your lives. You were mostly quiet while Yeonjun watched the way his music moved you.

After a while, the conversations started to flow naturally as you got used to each other's presence. He was always friendly, smiling and talkative, very different from everyone who crossed his path. He never asked intrusive questions, and you could see his effort to make you feel comfortable. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and as time went on, you and him grew closer.

Yeonjun was intrigued by you, tempted to discover the things you held so deep in your heart. He had heard a few rumors about you, but he was determined to get the story right without getting carried away by the judgment of others. If you found him worthy of your trust and decided to open up to him, then he would be more than grateful to listen.

The truth was that Yeonjun saw a lot of himself in you. Your lonely eyes, your lips that never curved into a smile, your hands always trembling and uncertain, your deafening silence. You were like a mirror where he could see all the open wounds that he still carried with him, behind the bright smile he wore.

He felt shaken to see that when he played some music you liked and your lips moved slightly in such a small gesture, the smile he so longed to see soon disappeared in the winter breeze, as if it had never been there. Yeonjun didn't know why, but he wanted to see you happy so he made a promise to himself.

He would make you smile, at least once, before his time was up.

© txtsoft - do not repost, translate or modify.

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[yonkimint]

Always [Hobi x Reader] - 30

*Contains pictures and text so make sure to read the pictures in order!

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“Thank you, Kim Namjoon! What a lovely speech!” the DJ says, taking the mic back from Namjoon. Everyone is clapping and raising their champagne flutes in celebration of the grooms who are all bright eyes and wide smiles in their crisp white tuxes up at the front of the room.

You sit to Jimin’s left, gulping from your own flute, and praying that when the DJ calls you up to deliver a speech of your own, you don’t screw it up. Namjoon settles back into his seat to the right of Tae and leans around the grooms to give you a thumbs up.

Your stomach drops.

“And now we’ll hear from the other best man, Jeon y/n!”

You rise to your feet, feeling the eyes of every wedding guest fall on you, and try not to trip as you make your way over to the mic. The high heels aren’t helping and you stumble once but you can blame that on the alcohol. How many glasses have you had now? It’s hard to keep track.

The DJ passes the mic off to you and you grasp it with a small bow in his direction before he fades out of the spotlight. Now that you’re alone in front of all of Jimin and Tae’s friends and family — your friends and family too — the jitters really start to take hold.

You take a deep, steadying breath and search the crowd for the one person who can calm you down even from across a room. He’s waiting for you, a goofy, encouraging grin already plastered across his face, his warm eyes curved in little half smiles of their own.

You grip the mic a little tighter as your anxiety starts to slip away.

“Some of you are probably wondering what the heck I’m doing at this wedding,” you say. A nervous chuckle rings around the room. You laugh too and chance a glance at Tae and Jimin. They’re smiling but you can tell they haven’t relaxed yet. This is the hardest thing they have asked you to do in the entire wedding: speak to their love and happiness when they ripped away yours.

“Don’t worry, you can laugh,” you assure everyone, “I’ve been wondering what the heck I’m doing here too!”

You wink at Jimin and Tae before launching into the speech you’ve prepared. They suck in a sharp breath but there’s no going back now.

“I have been best friends with Jimin since I popped out of the womb basically — don’t tell my twin though cause he might get offended! Sorry, Kookie!” you call, casting an apologetic glance to your brother.

“It’s fine!” he yells back from his seat between Hobi and your mother, “Always knew you were a traitor!”

The reception hall erupts in laughter when your mom gasps and swats at him and you feel everyone start to relax finally. 

“Anyway, I knew that Jimin and I were friends from day one because my dad captured our meeting on video and the very first thing Jimin said when he saw me was ‘yuck!’ and then he refused to let even my mom hold me,” you explain with a laugh, “So it’s no surprise that we always planned to be in each other’s weddings.

“And Taehyung, as many of you know, I have loved for a very long time too! Unfortunately, I wasn’t around to see their relationship flourish over these last five years but here’s what I can tell you about these boys. They love fiercely and passionately and I don’t think there is a single force on this earth that could tear them apart — and you can trust me because I have tried!

“But I think it’s pretty obvious to anyone who has met them how perfect they are for each other. They are both so driven, so full of life, and so in love. And, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t super thrilled when I found out just how in love they were five years ago and I was even less thrilled when Jimin asked me to be his best man a few months ago BUT just look at them!

“Don’t you see them and just hope you find someone who looks at you the way they look at each other?” you ask.

And while the whole reception turns to look at Tae and Jimin, you train your eyes on Hobi. You expect him to be looking toward the happy couple as well but his eyes never stray from your face. Your cheeks flush and you smile shyly.

“I love you,” he mouths. Something about the earnest expression on his face, or maybe it’s the soft yellow light dappling his skin, makes your knees knock together. Maybe it’s just him. Maybe it’s just that you know he means he’s in love with you. Maybe it’s that you’re in love with him too actually.

Whatever it is, you scrunch your nose at him. You can’t respond to him in the middle of your speech and he knows it and it’s not fair. His shoulders shake with his laughter but you can be patient. You plan on having the last laugh.

“And since I don’t think I can do their love justice in words alone,” you say into the mic as everyone turns their attention back to you, “I’ve gotten permission from one of the grooms to commemorate it in song.”

You wink at Tae who is already laughing. You had waited until late last night to ask him if this would be okay and he had agreed before you could even finish the request. 

Jimin’s look of confusion is priceless and when you glance around the room at the other boys, you can’t help but giggle. Namjoon is shocked. Yoongi’s lips have puckered disapprovingly and Jin is rolling his eyes. Jungkook looks mildly curious. But it is Hobi’s reaction that you save for last.

He looks so worried. And that makes you laugh hardest.

“Bring in the drag loving orphans,” you shout and two servers open the doors to the kitchen to let five small children dressed in varying Dolly Parton costumes weave their way through the tables until they stand in the spotlight with you.

The whole hall is in chaos.

“Tae, Jimin,” you say, “to your love!”

You lift your glass half full of champagne, down it in one swallow, and then you start to sing, “If I… should stay…”

As you sing, the “orphans” begin to pull guests out onto the dance floor. Tae and Jimin, the first among them. From the corner of your eye, you see Namjoon make his way over to Jin and you fight the urge to cheer when Jin nods in answer to a question you can’t hear and lets Joon lead him onto the dance floor too.

Jungkook has grabbed your mom and is spinning her around the room. Yoongi looks amused but does not get up from his table, maybe in solidarity with Hobi who is so shocked that he looks like he’s paralyzed. 

And it’s into Hobi’s eyes that you look as you sing the final notes of the song.

“Darling, I love you. I’ll always, I’ll always love you.”

[444tsumu]

HAPPY 100 MARS!!!/&/&: AHHH! okay so i’d love a tier three if you didn’t mind! i wanted to know which 3 characters would smoke ouid and what you think smoking with them would be like? ily tysm!

▭ WHICH CHARACTERS SMOKE WEED?

includes matsukawa, hanamaki, suna

warnings drug use, explicit content, doing things under the influence, implied sexual content, slight nsfw.

authors note lol ik some people don’t like the whole “w*ed” and dr*g use hc but it’s all fiction and based on my own personal opinion (: i don’t mean to offend anyone lol i smoke too <3

This is a long one, beware <3 also it’s also my dream blunt rotation LMAO

                          𖥻 MATSUKAWA, ISSEI !

definitely the philosophical stoner

always has a question or an answer

depends on how much he’s smoked though

eyes get really red and he looks really hot

prefers backwoods over regular papers

always smoked regular papers though bc woods are bad for you (:

does that thing where they lick the paper and look at you at the same time

the hottest man smoking ever god please

always makes sure to have you sitting on his left so that he passes it to you first

loves smoking people out

doesn’t really care if you put in money or not

if issei is around, everyone is getting high

smokes makki’s unemployed ass out like everyday lmao

loves to hotbox

lights you up for the first time and tries to get you into another galaxy

“if you’re gonna get high, at least do it right”

definitely funny as fuck when he’s high

always definitely ready to fuck

very touchy when he’s high

will hold on to you for a long time and forget he’s doing it

but if you make him let go he genuinely feels the skin contact nearly rip off

calm down mattsun your possessiveness is showing

tries to explain all the different types to you but forgets mid sentence

literally cannot formulate a single structured thought

definitely leans in to make out with you more than once

loves shotgunning with you

already lazy but when he’s zooted he’s UNBEARABLE

he really does wanna fuck but ends up smoking too much with you because you played chicago and forgot

doesn’t really get hungry for food but munchies?

ate all of the snacks

has no remorse for his actions either

stares into the deep nothing for like 10 minutes

just to snap out of it and look around suspiciously

“do you guys hear that….?”

“…..no?”

“………..the paint is screaming at me?”

ok buddy don’t ruin this for everyone else

knows how to french & ghost inhale

has argued with makki many times over the earth being flat

doesn’t really think it’s flat

ends up believing it is after makki told him the world was actually dome shaped

has a grinder shaped like a dragon ball

not a peer pressuring kinda guy but thinks everyone should get high at least once

definitely gets iwa and oikawa to try

loves getting oikawa high cause he thinks the guy is fucking hilarious

laughs at everything

just a great guy, especially when he starts smoking

falls into a weed coma and doesn’t wake up for like 3 days though

treats it like it’s a regular hangover

definitely falls asleep with his entire body on top of you and no remorse for the weight

says “i’m fried” and isn’t embarrassed about it for whatever reason

he’s hot so no one judges him

                      𖥻 HANAMAKI, TAKAHIRO !

definitely a comedian when he’s high

always the funniest guy in the room

when him and mattsun are together though?

undefeated

him and issei both smoked for the first time together

after that though?

they became unstoppable

don’t get me started with after volleyball season ended

prefers bongs because he thinks he looks cooler lmao

everyone assumes makki is high but they don’t know he actually gets high

offers to smoke you out cause you’re hot lmao

makes fun of you when you cough

even though he still coughs

hates hotboxing because he can’t handle it

but refuses to pussy out so he’s always the first one to agree

in his own words

“my mother didn’t raise no bitch”

makki please

ideal smoking partner

is one of those people that fuck the passing rotation up because he refuses to pass it to anyone but you

secretly does it because he doesn’t want anyone else’s lips touching yours

prefers to smoke with just his close friends but doesn’t mind a session

doesn’t like shotgunning cause he starts thinking his breath smells bad

gives in anyways because he doesn’t want you doing it with anyone else

loves when you put your legs on him

the pressure gives him chills

makes jokes 24/7 because he likes hearing you laugh

can’t french inhale but mattsun taught him how to ghost inhale and he hasn’t stopped since

takes videos of himself cause he thinks he looks cool

realizes he looks like a fucking idiot but fuck it we ball

falls into a weed coma with his head on your lap and his phone unlocked and still on

does that thing where he lights it up with it in his mouth and looks really fucking hot while doing so

has a breaking bad rick & morty rolling tray and is really proud of it

gets really into music when he’s high

will sing along to all the songs while he’s packing the bong

as i repeat

looks hot while doing so

definitely a hungry high

orders food before you even get to ask

“makki, want some snacks?”

“oh nah it’s cool, i already ordered mcdonald’s”

“????? we just finished smoking????”

prefers smoking over drinking but will do both when he wants to go big or go home

eyes get really low

talks kinda slow but really deep and it’s fucking hot

laughs by throwing his head back and it’s really cute

gets cold when he’s high

it doesn’t matter the season

he gets fucking cold and it makes no sense

so he’ll need your body heat to warm himself up (;

                            𖥻 SUNA, RINTAROU !

a confused high

no doubt about it

this man never knows what the fuck is going on

ik everyone complains about the stoner!suna hc

but i think it’s fucking hot lmao

always has like 2 blunts rolled and on him at all times

is one of those people that will use any excuse to do it

“……(sighs) i’m gonna go take a smoke break.”

“suna we just got here??”

“exactly”

likes joints and edibles the best

not much of a hungry high or munchie high

but he hyperfixates on a certain food and will eat it until there is nothing left

ate an entire pack of gum in one sitting before

definitely watches cartoons the minute he starts to feel the buzz

rarely talks unless to pass it to you or make a single joke that has you about to pee yourself

he doesn’t say much but when he does?

the man leaves an impact

hates smoking with other people

doesn’t like when they fuck his blunt/joint up

hates smoking joints rolled by other people unless he watches them do it

always complains when you ask to smoke with him but secretly loves it

shotguns with you and acts like nothing just happened

hello sir how dare you make me fall inlove like that

forgets everything so don’t try to say anything important to him

zones out because he’s too busy imagining fucking

but then forgets about fucking and starts thinking about what’s on the tv

can’t hold a conversation but will go in-depth as to why spongebob squarepants was more than just a sponge

“no you need to listen to me, patrick star is much more than just his best friend—”

“….rin what the fuck are you talking about?”

“you’re asking me like i know? pass the blunt.”

definitely got into smoking in high school but didn’t actually do it like that until college

lies on his drug tests lmao

smokes after every win as a celebration and smokes after ever loss as a reliever

lmao seek help sir

definitely tries to get you to take your shirt off when he’s in the moment

swears it’s because he’s doing you a favor but really just loves how you look in his clothes when he’s high

doesn’t really know when to stop because he’s never greened out before

all his supplies is a simple shade of black

he’s a simple man

can do all the smoke tricks

but won’t do it in front of anyone cause he hates when people point it out

likes hotboxing because it gets him higher faster

is actually friends with the guy he gets weed from lmao

his perfect date with you was that one time you guys stood home and did nothing but smoke and watch family guy

tears up every time he thinks about it

has a picture of himself with two blunts in his mouth and his eyes really red and it’s really fucking hot

giggles even though he tries not to

uses pens when he can’t physically have weed on him

doesn’t really like it because the pen high makes him knock out after a few pulls

once rin falls into a weed coma???

don’t even think about trying to contact him cause that man might as well be dead

doesn’t wake up to save his own damn life

you can smack him and the most he’d do is probably groan and turn his head lmao

[ulalumewitch]

A Song of Shadows and Light

Short Story inspired by “Day 6: Book Predictions” by @gwynrielweek - my prediction is that Gwynriel is end game and they are mates. This takes place an undetermined amount of time into the future after ACOSF.

Author Note/Warning: Brief mentions of past abuse. If you find these ideas triggering, please skip. I hope I addressed them with the care and sensitivity they deserve.

word count: 3,279

theme: a bit of angst, feels

please note: light adult language used.

*******

Azriel’s shadow’s did not speak to him. It remained his biggest secret. They did not whisper in his ear. They did not shout, nor did they cry, nor did moan.

His shadows sang.

He always thought people would assume the truth given the name, but they never did. Others sometimes asked, ‘What do they say? What do they sound like? Do they speak to you often? Do they speak in riddles?’ But never did they ask, ‘Do they sing?’

The first time Azriel heard their song had been while staring at young hands wrapped in bandages as he sat in the cold, damp hell of darkness. The inky black he’d learned to survive in had been no life at all but the sort of torture no creature should endure. Especially not a child.

Azriel had always been intelligent. His mind worked in patterns and puzzles. When he’d been allowed to begin an education beyond the fundamentals of reading and writing - when Rhys’ utter saint of a mother took him under a literal wing - he seemed to understand everything taught to him the moment the instruction passed her, or any teacher’s, lips. Initially, Azriel thought it a gift.

Until he realized the curse of it. He never forgot anything he read or heard, and he never forgot a face. His memory remained woefully accurate. While it made him an excellent spy, Azriel used to pray to the Mother to take his memory away, to take his ability to remember the finest minute details away. Or at the very least the bad memories away…

There were seven cracks in the stone on the floor where he used to sleep, where the damp seemed a little less chilling. Twenty stones around his lightless cell. He learned them all by feeling, touching, counting. Games to keep his mind from wondering if perhaps he’d died. If, perhaps, the Mother forgot about him …

Azriel turned his face up at the sky and let the rain fall softly against his face. His wings twitched slightly at the first contact. Warm, summer rain. Refreshing. Revitalizing. The burgeoning storm ushered in cool air and finally broke the suffocatingly hot, humid weather that had plagued Velaris the last week.

He took a deep breath. And another.

The memory of the first song his shadows sang to him was not an unpleasant one. Perhaps one of the only memories from that place that didn’t belong to a nightmare. They did not sing of freedom or of hope. They sang of light. They saved him.

Every once in a while they would sing of that light. The light of stars against darkness, the light of dawn breaking after another battle won, the light of eyes sparkling in love. They wouldn’t sing of it often, but they usually sang when he needed it most.

Or whenever Gwyneth entered the room. They sang of light around her the most. Their song became loudest when she was near him and it always complimented her words, as if providing a symphony to accompany the voice that filled his dreams with rest. Real rest. Those few precious nights they fell asleep side by side doing research in the library had been the most peaceful and restful nights of his entire existence.

Azriel had been a fool. For all of his abilities to ferret out the secrets of others, to become those shadows to learn what words were whispered in the dark, he’d lost the ability to see past his own shortcomings.

He’d searched for the love he’d missed as a child his entire life. Azriel desperately wanted it for his own, to heal those old wounds and to finally become the creature he always thought he could be.

Instead, he’d lived in delusion after delusion. First, the Truth Telling Warrior Queen, and then the Lady of Flowers and Sun.

It wasn’t their fault, nor was it totally his. He didn’t realize how wrong he’d been until the creature the Mother and Cauldron had paired him with left.

Azriel couldn’t blame Gwyneth for leaving. It was the right move for her. The fact that she healed, that she worked so damned hard to be able to start a new life went beyond admirable. And she’d did it on her own. True, she had her Valkyrie sisters, himself and Cass as her mentors, and the Priestesses … and it was because of that support system that Gwyn was able to save herself from the dark and to follow her own dreams and her own path, whole and healed and independent.

And he would never stop her from being herself. Even if it ripped his heart to shreds to see her go. Even if he fought every day not to winnow to that sanctuary on the other side of the Night Court as she and the others began helping others heal from their own nightmares.

He wasn’t sure when he’d fallen in love with her. Hell, he didn’t even know he’d been in love with her until she left without saying goodbye. Until he found that godsdamned note pinned to his door, rolled up with a teal ribbon around it.

Again, words he wished he could forget burned into his memory …

Do not let the water break you, Shadowsinger. Do not be scared of the warmth light can bring either. Let it illuminate you, every part of you, because you are a creature deserving of every happiness, Azriel, and only you can stop you from finding it. I pray, one day, you will be able to leave your fear behind you. ~G.B.

Azriel lost her because he was afraid. The thing he’d chased his entire life alluded him because he’d finally found it and was too damned cowardly to admit it to himself. To admit that the teal-eyed Priestess Valkyrie Carynthian was in fact the love of his godsdamned life.

And she’d left and he refused to be selfish and to do anything that might potentially ruin the happiness she fought for and won. If anyone deserved living in the light of happiness and peace, it was Gwyn.

Azriel closed his eyes, the rain beginning to fall a little harder. A low rumble of thunder in the distance that belonged to nature and not his High Lord, rolled through his bones. He welcomed it.

“I’m sorry I was a fool,” Azriel said out loud.

The rain fell harder, drowning out his words. But as he said them, a small weight lifted as his shadows swirled around him, keeping some of the drops off of his skin. Their touch soft and reassuring.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way.”

Lightning flashed. Another crack of thunder.

‘She sings for joy and hope, her voice like a snow white dove,’ his shadows lilted, singing in his ear.

Azriel smiled through his tears as they mixed in with rain. She was happy then, she was exactly where she needed to be.

“I love you, Gwyneth,” he shouted to the storm.

Lightning and thunder and rain and his shadows sang melodies to mix with the symphony of the storm as the entire weight of the godsdamned world seemed to be lifted from him entirely. The truth and freedom of it so cathartic he let out a laugh and sob and -

A phantom pull to his middle had the Illyrian warrior stumbling forward, his hands braced and caught himself on the red wall of the training circle atop the House of Wind.

Another tug near his sternum … right over his heart …

Azriel turned as his shadows’ melody, wordless and sweet, crescendoed. A rush of breath passed through his lips as he found wide teal eyes staring at him.

He couldn’t move. For the first time in his life, Azriel forgot everything. If anyone asked him his name he likely wouldn’t remember.

All that he knew was that the beautiful creature walking towards him was no mirage. She stopped in front of him. Her beautiful copper hair somehow still shining through the dark and in the rain as it plastered to her head.

Something sparked in his chest. And Azriel, for the first time in his life, knew true happiness.

********

Gwyneth’s heart pounded as she ran through the house. It closed doors as she approached rooms as if telling her to keep going, the Shadowsinger would not be there. She had dreamed of Azriel every night since she’d been gone.

His hazel eyes, his cheekbones, his lips - those lips that she’d stare at and would forget to actually listen to what he was saying. And she’d have to ask him to repeat whatever it was and he would always quirk a smile - always the left side of his mouth - and then do as she requested. Like he knew.

But when she admitted to feeling something more than friendship. When she finally worked up the courage to broach the topic, thinking that maybe he wouldn’t because he didn’t want to push her, he gave the worst response possible.

Silence. Nothing. Not a single sound had passed those lips she’d come to love.

So, she’d left. She would have stayed. Would have carried on her work in Velaris because it was just as fulfilling as the work she now did on the other side of the Night Court. But she wouldn’t torture herself being around the Shadowsinger any longer. She’d taken his silence as a sign from the Mother that it was time for her to fly away from the nest that allowed her to grow and heal, and to live on her own.

She still had Emerie and Nesta for support as they were winnowed in a couple of times a week to help with training. The priestesses and faeries she had started to work with and train she already knew would be friends or at the very least amiable students and colleagues. Her new endeavor was exciting and scary and thrilling and all the things that she always imagined life could be.

The new compound that she, Nesta, and Emerie had dreamed up had been funded by the High Lord and High Lady, having agreed that more sanctuaries like the library should be available to others. It turned out more beautiful than she could have imagined. The Home for Wayward Stars included a temple, training centers, stables, medical building, and library. All to offer services as well as to train faeries in whatever they’d like to learn.

The compound had been built along the sea, nestled in a previously untouched basin surrounded by mountains, not unlike Velaris itself. The High Lord of Day, along with Rhysand, warded it to ensure it remained a safe haven for those seeking shelter. It was also guarded by new members of the Valkyrie so that all who sought sanctuary could begin healing in peace.

The High Lord and High Lady had been beyond kind, and even built her a small apartment that had a balcony that overlooked the sea, the waves crashing right below her and faced east. Every morning the light greeted her along with the sounds of the sea and it was perfect.

Except it really wasn’t perfect because when she woke up from her dreams of Azriel she would be alone in bed. And it infuriated her.

And so, Gwyneth decided to do something about it. The silence of his response ate away at her. She wanted a real answer. She wanted to know if he felt the same or if he didn’t. Even if the answer meant heartbreak she needed it. For closure.

But as she ascended the stairs to the training circle atop the house, her heart began to pound in her chest, and she knew he was up there. When she reached the top step she heard his voice and closed her eyes. Hearing it in her dreams was far different than the real thing.

“I’m sorry I was a fool.”

Was he talking to someone she couldn’t see?

But as she went to step out onto the roof, shadows swarmed her. Cool yet comforting, they swirled around her and gently pushed her back. She furrowed her brow but stayed put.

Gwyn loved Azriel’s shadows. When they’d researched together they’d always provide light touches to any knots in her neck and shoulders as she read, or would offer a cool breeze atop the house when training at night. Azriel always seemed to fret they would scare her but she loved them. Just like she loved him. And she just didn’t understand why -

‘Priestess of Light and Sea and Song, wait, it will not be long.’

Gwyneth’s mouth opened as she stared at the swirling shadows around her. Did they … did they just sing to her to stay put?

But Azriel’s raised voice stopped her thoughts.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way.”

She began shaking. Oh gods, what if he’d found someone else? What if she’d read him all wrong. What if he really was just a supportive friend and she had been so desperate -

“I love you, Gwyneth!”

Gwyn clamped a hand over her mouth just in time to muffle the sound of a small cry born from pure relief and joy. Her hand flew to her chest as her heart pulsed in a quick beat. She furrowed her brow and looked down. No, it wasn’t her heart, but very near it. Something around her heart.

‘We sing for our Master and thee, Princess of Light and Song and Sea, we sing for the mates of darkness and light and sky and sea.’

She stepped out onto the roof, the shadows retreating slightly but remained close to her. Out of pure magical instinct Gwyneth reached deep down into that place near her heart. The place that sparked alive whenever Azriel was near her or whenever she wished he was near her. She grabbed a hold of that place and tugged.

Gwyneth watched in equal parts wonder and amusement as the renowned Carynthian warrior stumble forward in response. He whirled and she couldn’t stop herself as she did it again.

Hazel eyes locked on hers and she knew all of the trepidation she’d felt had been for nought. He loved her. He only needed to go on his own journey to find it. And Gwyneth understood that the dreams she’d had must have been Mother sent to bring her back because Azriel was finally ready to accept the destiny that had been written for them in the stars long ago.

Azriel raised a wing out over her head to shield her from the rain. His shadows continued to swirl around them both.

“I love you too, Azriel.”

“Gwyn,” he breathed out, “What - how -“

She smiled as he sputtered slightly. Gwyn reached forward and laced her fingers through his. Her thumbs lightly running over the ridges of some of the raised bits of scars. Ridges and lines that she’d memorized during their moments alone together.

“I dreamt of you,” she whispered, “And I had to come see you. The house led me here and then your Shadows sang for me to wait while you shouted into the rain. Do you always bother storms with your confessions?”

Azriel’s mouth dropped open. His hands began to shake slightly in hers.

“They sang to you?”

Gwyneth nodded and smiled, “Would you like to venture a guess why?”

She watched, fascinated, as his shadows swirled around his ears. His eyes shuttered slightly and then began to glisten in the dark.

“Is it too soon to talk about a mating ceremony?” Azriel finally asked.

Gwyneth laughed, as tears of pure relief and joy stung her eyes. She ripped her hands from his and threw her arms around his neck. And kissed him.

Azriel’s mouth slanted over hers immediately. The kiss soft but heated as one hand dove into her hair and the other held her waist tightly to him. With the first tentative touch of his tongue to hers, fire lit her veins. She tipped her head back slightly and opened further for him.

His cedar and mist scent wrapped around her as surely as his shadows did, keeping them hidden. Gwyn held on to him, suddenly worried that maybe she dreamt again. That maybe this was nothing but dreaming.

But in that very moment of doubt Azriel pulled away from her. He ran his nose long hers and brushed his lips over hers in a way that made her consider how his lips would feel on her skin.

“This isn’t a dream,” he whispered, “And I love you and I’m sorry.”

She smiled and brought a hand up to cup his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed as she ran a thumb along his cheek bone.

“I love you, Azriel. But for your penance I must demand a couple of things for our future mating ceremony.”

His eyes opened and his lips quirked up. The left side of his mouth. Always the left side of the mouth. Her heart leapt in her chest as warmth spread through her.

“And what’s that Berdara?”

She pressed the front of her body to his, allowing her curves to mold to the hardness of him, to the cut of muscles honed over centuries of being a warrior. Her own warrior called to him, ready to take on anyone who would dare to hurt him. The instinct to protect, she mused, and they hadn’t even officially done anything. Not yet anyway. Hopefully not much longer.

“That we have our ceremony by the sea, our feet touching water and land. That we have our ceremony at dusk as day and night hedge on each other. So that sky and sea and dark and light surround us. So for that sacred moment it will seem like we teeter on the edge of the universe and its us. Just us. And that you will do your duties and live your life and I will do the same and we will carve out a life just for us by forging those parts of us together to make a whole. So that we’re both stronger.”

Azriel leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. He brushed his lips over hers again before placing a chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth. His lips lingered and then slowly pressed kisses to her cheek and jaw line and then … then he kissed the sensitive spot below her ear, warm and pleasant and her knees buckled.

His lips curved into a smile against her skin and she wanted to scream at him to stop - to not stop - to do it again but more.

Azriel moved his mouth to press a kiss to the pulse at her throat, and her toes curled in her boots. All of her breathing techniques forgotten as she struggled to remember how to draw breath into her lungs.

With his blessed lips still against her skin, nuzzling her, he replied, “As you wish, Princess of Light and Song and Sea. It’s a good thing I’ll be able to winnow to you every night. Tell me Rhys and Feyre made your apartment big enough for someone with wings.”

“Our apartment. And yes. Now, kiss me again, Shadowsinger,” she smiled, “And this time. Don’t stop.”

Azriel flashed a grin and before Gwyn could form another thought his lips met hers. And she fell. No matter where she landed, and no matter where her journey led her from here, she knew that she would be living that journey with the Shadowsinger, her mate, beside her.

So they fell together as his shadows sang to them a song of darkness and light, sky and sea, hope and love.

*****************

hope you enjoyed! i love all possible ships and these two give me the feels.

[tsukishumai]

First Kiss - Tsukishima, Kageyama, Hinata, Yamaguchi (Karasuno First Year edition!)

Aoba Johsai Edition

It’s a little long, I have zero self control

Can you tell I love Tsukishima  (｡◕‿◕｡)

TSUKISHIMA - 

Before, you used to spend your days in school with your cousin, Yamaguchi, and his less-than-pleasant-but-ridiculously-good-looking best friend, Tsukishima.  

He was a jerk, to put it lightly, but hey, you can be a jerk too.

“Your hair looks like a damn bird’s nest, and your bow’s all crooked. Did anyone even teach you how to be a girl?” “Did anyone teach you not to be such an insufferable asshole?” “Do you even know what ‘insufferable’ means?” “Uh, yeah, it means Tsukishima Kei.”

Yamaguchi regrets ever introducing you two.

Things may have started like that, but it wasn’t long before the biting tone in Tsukishima’s words was replaced by something more playful, each remark followed by a smile. He started walking you to your classes, saving you a seat next to him during lunch, even going so far as to share music with you. (He’ll never show you the playlist he’s made of all the songs you’ve recommended.)

But that was before. Now, you were doing your best not to melt under Tsukishima’s heated gaze, paying no attention to the golden brown eyes that have followed you around for days.

The bell rang to signal the end of class, and you quickly gathered all your things, throwing them haphazardly into your bag, and running out before Tsukishima could get to your desk.

You got to your locker in record time, quickly changing out of your school shoes so you could start your trek home. Usually, you would wait for Yamaguchi and Tsukki to get out of practice but… this was better for you. 

“You’re avoiding me.”

You jumped at the voice that was suddenly right behind you, knowing exactly who would be there if you turned around, so you didn’t.

“Don’t you have volleyball practice?” “That’s beside the point.” “Avoiding you? I haven’t been –“ “I’m not a dumbass, so don’t play games with me. You’re avoiding me. Why?”

You gulped, gripping the school bag that hung off your shoulder until your knuckles turned white. You wanted to lie, but there’s no point. Tsukishima was always able to see right through you.

“I heard you tell Tadashi that you liked someone…” “… So?”

You tried to pretend that your heart didn’t just crumple up like a piece of paper. “SO! I didn’t want to ruin your chances; she might get the wrong idea if she sees us together all the time.”

He scoffed. “That is the single most idiotic thing I’ve seriously ever heard. Did you hit your head as a kid?”

You could feel your face turn red, anger beginning to bubble in your throat. You finally turn around to face Tsukishima, ready to give him a snarky comment. “No, YOU’RE the single most idiotic thing –“

The words died on your tongue, muffled by Tsukishima leaning down and pressing his own lips onto yours. 

He pulled back, and couldn’t help but smirk at your flushed appearance.

“I was talking about you. Stupid.”

KAGEYAMA –

You had always found it extremely fun to mess with Kageyama Tobio

The boy was a genius when it came to volleyball; but maybe that’s where his genius ends.

It didn’t escape your attention that he would get flustered every time you smiled at him, or that his friends would tease him whenever you walked by, or that it was him dropping off a juice box and melon bread on your desk every morning with a note that says “have a good day.”

You enjoyed it; the way you could make him short circuit just by giving him a hug, the crimson on his face when he catches your eye from the court, and the deer-in-headlights look he gave you when you confessed your feelings.

You were never one to make the first move, sometimes wondering why you did it for Karasuno’s genius setter, but you’re reminded when you feel the shiver in his body as you slide your hand into his, and you see the sweet look in his eyes when you ask him to walk you to class.

You didn’t mind that you had to initiate most of the affection if it meant you got to see the blush that Kageyama always tried to hide.

Today, you found yourself in the perfect position to mess with him. The two of you were having a movie night, and even though you shared the same blanket, Kageyama was sitting on the other end of the couch like a perfect gentleman.

“Tobio,” you whined, “I want to cuddle.”

You didn’t even give the poor guy a chance to reply before crawling from your side of the couch, and situating yourself on his lap, arms reaching up around him as you buried your face into his neck.

You could feel Kageyama’s entire body stiffen, steam practically beginning to come out of his ears. 

Laughter threatened to spill from your lips, so you decided you’ve done enough to the guy, and started to make your way off until you felt two strong arms snake around your waist.

You lifted your head to face Kageyama in surprise, but your breath was caught in your throat when you noticed the look he was giving you. 

It was like slow motion – Kageyama’s head lowered and your eyes fluttered close before you felt the velvety soft pressure of his lips against yours.

Omg d-did he just kiss you?!

Now it was your turn to be flustered. The corner of Kageyama’s mouth turned upwards ever so slightly, and his hold around you tightened, causing the pink tint of your cheeks to deepen into crimson. 

“Let’s stay like this for a while.”

HINATA –

Everything. Was. Going. Wrong.

This was not how Hinata imagined your first date together would go!

Do you have any idea how long Hinata has been waiting to ask you out? Ever since he met you at National’s last year, he’s been planning this day. 

You were beautiful, funny, and you could teach him (more than) a thing or two about volleyball? *Chef’s Kiss*

When you finally agreed to go on a date with him, he thought he was dreaming. He knew he had to make it the best date ever.

He definitely didn’t go to the bathroom six times the morning of.

There was a summer festival that weekend, and he figured it would be the perfect place to take you on your first date.

Ten minutes in, Hinata had spilled Kakigori all over his Yukata. He had been in the middle of beating himself up about it when you reached over and dabbed at the stain with a napkin, laughing at his clumsiness.

An hour in, Hinata had spent nearly all his money trying to win you a stuffed animal to no avail. (You got it yourself in one try.)

Two hours in, Hinata had accidentally stepped on your obi, ripping the delicate material. He wanted to die right then and there, but you insisted it was old, and you were planning to get a new one anyway.

Just as Hinata thought he would redeem himself by taking you on the Ferris wheel, he found out that he got motion sickness, and you ended up having to rub his back, while he fought the urge to hurl the whole time.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologized once the two of you exited the metal death trap, sitting him on a bench, “I swear I had planned for this day to be much better.”

“What do you mean? I had a great time,” you said, and Hinata gave you a look that clearly said he didn’t believe you. You just laughed. “Hinata, when we first met, you threw up on my shoes. Today was a big improvement.”

He laughed. “Still – I wanted you to have a cooler memory of me.”  

“You don’t have to try so hard,” you giggled, “I came here because I like you.” 

Just then, the sky lit up with different colors of reds, greens, and blues; dancing together to create a pattern that illuminated your face in a way that made Hinata’s heart race.

You smiled then, sitting beside him on the bench and laying your head on his shoulder. “At least we have these fireworks.”

It was there, on a random bench under the glow of summer time, that you shared your first sweet kiss with Hinata Shoyo.

YAMAGUCHI -

 Enter Yamaguchi Tadashi; Captain of Karasuno Volleyball Club, Pinch Server, and all-around good guy.

He’d like to think he was a completely different person now; no longer the shy, timid first year that was stuck on the bench while his classmates shone on the court.

Now, he was in charge, and one needed to have all the confidence in the world if they had to keep his demon classmates in line.

But all that confidence just went down the drain whenever you were around.

“Good morning, Yamaguchi-kun!” “Oh, hey! Hi, yeah, it’s a good morning right? Aha, the homework last night was pretty hard, right? Haha..ha.”

“I watched your game last night, Yamaguchi-kun! You were amazing, I couldn’t take my eyes off you!” “Wha - Ah - Haha, that was nothing, just -  it was, uhm, the team they helped ahaha, I – Thank you?”

“Dude…” Tsukki would say, “What the hell just happened to you?”

Naturally, his friends got sick and tired of seeing him turn into a dumbass around you, so they decided to take matters into their own hands. 

Yamaguchi should have known what the boys were up to when they decided they wanted to throw a party after the game. As captain, he probably should have spoken against it, but he was also feeling pretty high from the win, and wanted to let loose. 

How they managed to trap him in this closet with you was beyond him. He thinks he heard the words “7 minutes in heaven” but the beers were making everything move too fast, and your proximity was more intoxicating than anything he drank that night.

You looked at him with glossy eyes, and he felt like he was drowning. More than a few minutes passed, neither of you moving. The tension was rising, and Yamaguchi didn’t want to make you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to.

“Y/N-san, you don’t have to –“ “Yamaguchi-kun, I like you.”

He froze, mouth hanging open. He watched as your gaze lowered, fiddling with your thumbs as you took a step back, and he instantly missed the closeness.

“I’m sorry, this was stupid. Tsukishima-san told me this would be a good idea, but I can see that I’m making you uncomfortable, I’m just going to –“

You felt Yamagachi’s warm hands on either side of your face, catching you off guard before he pulled you in and locked his lips onto yours. Your hands instantly moved up to wrap around his middle, and you lost yourself in the softness of his movements.

He pulled away, making a mental note to thank his idiot friends when you beamed up at him with a smile that blew him away. “I… I like you, too.”

A/N - This one is for @valiantrevolt​ !

[all-my-love-for-harry]

Delicate. — Part 1.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: Here we are fam, i gotta be honest with y’all, this is heavily inspired in the fact that i watched Miss Americana twice this month, what resulted in me going through my taylor swfit phase again. Pls bare with me, i haven’t written anything like this before.

catch up here!

They said artists become what they are because deep down they are as insecure if not more than normal people. Because they craved constant validation in what they do. 

At least it was the case for Y/n. 

A girl who has built an entire system around being accepted by the public, someone who their major source of happiness is provided by strangers all around the world. When you are living from the approval of strangers and that is where you drive all your joy and fulfillment, one bad thing can cause everything to go down. Y/n has spent her whole life trying to please the world so they would like her, so what she has achieved over the years would last. 

When the world turned their back on her, Y/n had no choice but to disappear, because she thought that was what everyone wanted. Even then, she made her choices around what she thought would make them happy.

Y/n knew she could not hide forever, but for now, it was a necessary evil she had to take. Deciding to take a break from everything was the healthiest decision she has ever made, shutting down her social media, getting out of the city and going back home with her family was exactly what she needed. 

"Mom was sad she couldn't pick you up from the airport."

Seventeen-year-old Jensen, whose driving license was still new and fresh, was the one who picked Y/n up when her flight landed. In complete honesty, she did not like using a private plane, but she could not risk someone seeing where she was going. Jensen was good at driving, well, he has not crashed into a tree yet, so they were safe. 

"She would've brought Chase and scare Pandora and Lizzie." 

Jensen chuckled. "She's obsessed with him. I haven't started college yet and she's already thinking about turning my room into Chase's." 

Her parents’ house was a gated property away from others since it was safer that way. Y/n would not stay there the whole time since she had her own apartment a little closer to town. Her luggage, as well as her cats, were picked up separately and taken to her home, she would go there after lunch with her family. Jensen parked next to a black range rover that belonged to their dad, meaning both of their parents were home. 

Y/n threw her backpack over her shoulder as she stepped out of the car, eager to finally reunite with her family, especially her mother. She is in desperate need of a tight hug, a mug of hot chocolate and a shoulder to cry on. Y/n did not realize how mentally drained she was until she saw her mother open the front door. 

"My baby!" Louise exclaimed, embracing her daughter in a tight hug. "How was the flight?" 

"It was fine. I'm starving though." 

They walked into the living room and Louise closed the door behind them. Y/n dropped her backpack on one of the couches and sighed in relief. “Where’s dad?” Jensen went straight to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

“Get the white wine.” Y/n told him.

“It’s too early to drink that.” Louise took the bottle from Jensen’s hands and put it back in the fridge. “Dad’s outside. We bought some roses that will look beautiful by the pool.”

“You’re buying a lot of plants lately.” Y/n pointed a big vase full of daisies, her mom’s favorites, on the kitchen’s island. 

“I like supporting local business.” She shrugged.

“That and she’s obsessed with the owner of the flower shop.” Jensen chuckled, cracking open a water bottle. 

“Hey! That’s not true.” 

“Mom, you there like… every day. Who needs new flowers every day?”

“Shush.” The elder woman faked offense then gigged. “Handsome young man, he is. I’ll take you tomorrow.” She turned to Y/n. 

“Oh, no, mom. I’m going to lock myself in my apartment and try to write.” She said, making Louise scoff. “I’m serious!”

“I know you are. But living like a hermit is not going to do you any good.”

“I agree, sis.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes, knowing they were right as always but did not want to admit it. The truth was, she wanted to write some songs, so badly, but could not find the right words. She was hoping to get some peace and quiet to get her ideas and emotions in order again. Before any of them could say anything else, David entered the kitchen while taking off his gardening gloves and smiled widely when he spotted Y/n.

“And who do we have here?”

“Hi, dad.” Y/n smiled at him brightly before wrapping her arms around her dad, who hugged her back just as tight. 

“Good to have you home, darling.” 

The family of four sat on the kitchen island and started to catch up. Jensen talked about his different college options and how he was considering getting a summer job this year. Louise kept talking about how nice the owner of this flower shop was, making emphasis on how he was also single. Y/n didn’t know what she was trying to do, but she didn’t pay much attention either. 

Overall it was nice for Y/n to get out of her head for a little bit, and her family was always a great help for that. She knew she still had a lot to deal with, and she would probably get a call from her publicist and a lot of other people soon, but for now, she just wanted to think about anything else that wasn't the whole world hating on her. 

"How are you doing, Y/n? Be honest." Her mom asked after they stayed alone in the kitchen.

"Been better." She sighed. "I don't want to think about it, mom."

"You have to talk to someone, sweetie. I know your team cares for you and is trying to handle the situation, but you can still talk to me."

"I know, thank you. I'm just trying to figure it what I'm going to do."

Louise sighed. "You sure you don't want to stay here? You have your room and everything."

"Thanks for the offer, mom. But I sort of want to be on my own." She said. "But I'll come for lunch every day, I promise."

Although Louise wasn't convinced by her daughter's words, she chose to not push it. She knew Y/n had her own ways to express her feelings, and she'd talk whenever she felt like it. So she let her go, making her promise she'd come to visit soon.

"Do you need a ride? I'm going to town anyway." Jensen offered, taking the keys of his car from the little plate they kept on the table beside the front door. 

"Yes, please."

The drive to her apartment wasn't a long one, and in less than ten minutes she was opening her front door and being greeted by her two beautiful cats rubbing themselves on her legs. Y/n sighed, thinking about how much she needed to unpack now that she was here. The truth was, she didn't know for how long she'd be staying here, but she figured it'd be a long time so she packed a lot. Now she kind of regretted it because she would probably be in her pajamas all day anyway. 

After cleaning Pandora and Lizzie's sandbox, Y/n decided to grab an acoustic guitar and try to come up with some melodies. She wasn't quite sure about any lyrics yet, but it was always good to have a little something to start a song. 

She went from playing the guitar to play the piano, hoping she'd get more inspirations somewhere. But she had nothing. Not even one decent note. She was empty. 

"Don't pretend is... mhmm. Think about the... No." She groaned and slammed the palm of her hands on the keyboard, growing frustrated. Why all of a sudden she couldn't even rhyme? Maybe she needed a break, or perhaps she was tired from her flight and tomorrow she'd be able to write something.

//

Turns out her writer's block was here to stay. A week has passed since her arrival and Y/n hasn't been able to finish one single song. Everything she started ended up being erased or in the middle of her living room after the ripped the page off her journal. 

"I told you, you shouldn't hurry. Inspiration will come eventually, it always does."

"I guess. I just have nothing else to do other than play scrabble with you and write songs, or at least try to."

"Let me take out then." Louise started and Y/n shakes her head. "C'mon, let's eat somewhere or buy groceries and I'll cock at your place." Y/n looked at her mom and realized she wouldn't stop until she accepted, so Y/n offered Louise a nod. "Marvelous. There's this little café that I absolutely love. You'll love the owner."

"What is it with you and the owners of local shops?"

"They're my friends. Oh! We could drop by Blossom House. You could use some flowers around your house so it would look like somebody actually lives there."

"Stop dragging me, woman."

Louise drove them to this café called Furry Cakes, which turned out to be a cat café. Y/n obviously lost it as soon as they walked in, and nearly cried when she saw all the kittens, and absolutely shed a tear when the girl behind the register said every kitty except for one named Chaster was up for adoption. She felt like a little girl all over again when her mom told her she couldn't take every single kitty home. 

Y/n was wearing a hoodie that was twice her size, plus some big sunglasses she refused to take off, even inside of the café. She was praying she wouldn't get recognized as she knew people were dying for a picture of her, see how she was after the entire world canceled her. 

"We'll leave the car parked here, the flower shop is just around the corner." Louise pulled from Y/n's hand to make her walk faster. There weren't a lot of people on the streets and she was grateful for that, she hasn't gotten a proper walk in what felt like ages. 

They stopped outside a modern-looking building with a big, bright sign that read 'The Blossom House'. It was simple yet cute. The pair stepped in and a little bell ringed. Y/n looked around, admiring how everything looked like it was straight out of a fairytale. There were little pots hanging from the ceiling and she looked up, she saw the ceiling was pure glass, which made the whole place brighter. Flowers weren't really her thing as she could barely keep them alive, but seeing this amount of flowers all in the same place... made her somewhat happy and warm inside. 

She was so deep in thought she didn't even realize her mom left her and was nowhere to be found. It doesn't look like it from outside, but the shop was actually big and very spacious. It was also empty right now, not even an employee was around, so she decided to have a look on her own. It looked like they had all kinds of flowers in here, which made her even more excited because that meant they had-

"Azaleas? They're also my favorites." A deep voice interrupted her thoughts. She jumped on her place as she wasn't expecting it, which made the person behind her chuckle. "I didn't mean to scare you, sorry."

"It's okay..." She turned around and it was fair to say that was she saw stunned her right away.

In front of her, a gorgeous looking man was standing there with a bright smile on his face. She noticed the two dimples poking at each side of his face, making his smile even more beautiful. His emerald green eyes were the greenest eyes she has ever seen in her life, she believed. He had crinkles by his eyes due to his smile being wide. But to her, the icing of the cake was the beautiful mop of chocolate curls he had on the top of his head. She suddenly felt the insane urge to run her hands through it just to see if they were as soft as they looked. 

"Harry, darling!" Louise appeared out of nowhere and wrapped her arms around the man, who only chuckled while reciprocating the greeting.

"Hello, Louise. What's it gonna be today? Tulips? More daisies?" Oh God, he's British. Y/n thought to herself. 

"Gosh, you know me so well. I'm actually here just to look around, I see you found my daughter though." She smirked.

"I surely did. I'm Harry, nice to meet you, love." He offered her a hand for her to shake.

Y/n was a little surprised by the pet name but took his hand nonetheless. "I'm Y/n, nice to meet you too."

"I want her to get some plants for her house." Louise spoke again.

"Well, you're in the right place then." He said. "Do you want them for your garden?"

"No, uhm... I don't have one. I live in an apartment."

"Personally, my favorite to keep indoors are Begonias." Harry guided the two women to a different section of the flower shop and pointed to some pretty ones in pink color. "But I also enjoy Daylilies, although they're a little harder to maintain."

"Yeah, maybe not those then. I'm not very good at keeping plants alive."

"She killed a cactus once." Louise mentioned. 

"No way." 

"I didn't know they'd drown if I watered them more than once a week!" Y/n defended herself. 

"Amateur mistake." He joked. 

The truth was Y/n was too busy to have a garden, she was always traveling and didn't stay too long in one place so even if she tries to have one, it'd be dead by the end of the month. 

"What plants are cat friendly? I have two at home."

"Bromeliads are cat friendly, they're easy to maintain too."

They looked around for a little bit. Harry said a fun fact about every type of flower Y/n pointed out, never failing to make her laugh. The funny thing was, it didn't look like Harry knew who she was. Either he hasn't recognized her, or he didn't know about her. Which by the way, not to be a narcissist, would be highly unlikely.

She ended up taking a couple of new plants home, starting to grow excited about them. It was true, her apartment could use a little more life to it, and now she was sure her new plants would do that for her. Harry was wrapping everything for them while he stood behind the counter.

"Oh, here. This one's on the house." Harry handed her a pot with some beautiful blue Azaleas. She took them with a growing blush on her face, a blush that went deeper when their hands brushed with each other. "Try to not kill them though." He teased.

Y/n rolled her eyes as her mom chuckled behind her. "I'll report their aliveness back to you, you'll see."

"You better. Have a nice day, ladies. I'm guessing I'll see you around, Y/n?"

"Sure, I'm uh... I'm living here right now."

Harry smiled at them one last time before they exited the shop. After the door closed behind them, Louise turned to Y/n. "He likes you."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"What do you say if we invite him for dinner sometime?"

"Like, at your house?" She asked surprised.

"Yeah, why not?"

"I have to keep a low profile, mother. For all I know he could be tweeting about I just exited his shop."

"Don't let the paranoia ruin the possibility of forming new friendships... or more." Louise sent her a wink.

"Okay, that's enough."

Y/n brushed her off, trying not to think much about it. A new friendship sounded impossible at this point of her life, let alone pursuing a new relationship with someone. She had made up her mind, she was better off being alone.

[justmypartner]

Make it Work: Chapter 1

Summary: When offered a permanent position with the FBI, Hailey agrees to take it under one condition: Jay comes too. As their personal lives and work lives begin to change, the two partners find it increasingly difficult to navigate their complex relationship and manage their feelings for one another. *Picks up at the 8x03 bar scene.

Writer’s Note: I’m so excited to share my first multi-chapter fic. I really enjoyed Hailey’s FBI episode and how seamlessly she was able to adapt to that world, so I thought it would be fun to explore how Jay might fit into that world and how different the adjustment may be for him. When writing the first chapter I was really inspired by the song (what i wish just one person would say to me) by Lany, because I felt like it fit Jay’s perspective perfectly. As much as our guy loves Hailey, he was always going to put her wishes above his own. That’s what the song is all about, so you can see a few lines inspired by the song sprinkled throughout the chapter (the title is also taken from the song). Please enjoy Chapter 1 of Make it Work!

Read on AO3 or below

“Alright. Let’s do this, rip the bandaid off. What did the FBI offer you?” Jay said straightly, trying to hide the worry that coursed throughout his entire body.

Earlier that day he had discovered the FBI had Hailey on their radar, and he hadn’t stopped thinking about it since. After what went down with his last partner, simply hearing someone say “FBI” left a bad taste in his mouth. He wouldn’t openly admit it, but he was worried about Hailey taking the offer. Ever since she had returned from New York, she had been fairly quiet about how it went. Her feelings seemed indifferent, but part of him had to wonder why she would hide the fact that they were sending her job offers. He hated the idea of being left alone again, but ultimately he just wanted what was best for her, even if that meant moving thousands of miles away.

Jay had been seeing Hailey differently for a while. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when his feelings shifted, but he knew things were different. If anyone asked, she was his partner and his best friend, but he knew deep down that she was more than that. There were even a handful of moments when he almost told her how he felt but Jay, never a man of openly expressing his feelings, failed to get a single word out every time. He had fought those feelings for so long, keeping them hidden deep in the depths of his closed-off heart, but her time away in New York proved this impossible. He had picked her up from the airport when she got back in Chicago, and the second he saw her he couldn’t deny the way she set his heart aflame. So, hearing that the FBI was trying to steal her away permanently was messing with his head. He had sat on his concern all day, but his patience was running thin.

“Mm okay. Joint level task-force, with the HIG, all interrogations, all high-level targets,” she told him, a slight smirk on her face as she awaited his reaction.

“Sure.. Sure, sure, sure, yeah, that sounds awesome,” he said sarcastically as she chuckled. “Is it good pay?” He asked her, a sense of defeat in his voice.

“Great pay. Honestly made me a little embarrassed about what we get paid,” she said with a smile. This was not what he was hoping for, but he pressed forward.

“Well, you’d probably be really good at it,” he responded, feigning support as the words killed him inside. He knew she would be good at it, there was no doubt in his mind. The job sounded perfect for her, but he just hated where it was and what it could mean for them.

“Yeah,” she muttered, pausing briefly and looking out the window as if her next words were lingering somewhere outside and she was trying to find them. “Yeah, I hope so because I told them I would take it,” she finally said, her eyes slowly traveling back to his. The smile on her face was replaced by a look of sincerity. He felt his heart drop into his stomach as he clenched his jaw, trying to conceal the myriad of emotions consuming him.

“Well, I.. I’m happy for you,” he said unconvincingly before bringing his glass back to his mouth, taking a large swig of his drink. He couldn’t look her in the eye because he knew she’d be able to read right through him. So, he focused on the bottom of his glass, fingers fidgeting with the rim waiting for her to say something.

“Yeah, well I should be saying the same to you,” she told him. With this, he raised his eyes back up to meet hers and returned her words with a raised brow, sending a questioning look her way.

“I told them I wasn’t going anywhere without my partner, so they took a look at your file and they were very impressed by your background. They said if you’re good enough for me to bargain with, you must be worth having on their team,” she paused briefly and he watched her swallow hard before her next words. “Jay the offer is extended to the both of us.. that is if it is something you’re interested in,” she said, tilting her head to the side as she tried to read his reaction.

A moment of what felt like his world falling apart was now being strung back together with a sliver of hope for the two of them. Being a fed was never in any of Jay’s plans. In fact, he always found himself carrying an unwarranted detestation for them that made those government positions sound completely unappealing. He never imagined he’d be willing to give up Chicago, let alone his position in Intelligence, especially for a job with the feds, but if it meant being with Hailey he was going to consider it. Romantically or not he knew he needed her in his life and as he told her not too long ago, he would follow her anywhere.

“I- wha- I-“ he stuttered out, not being able to form a coherent word.

“Look, I know it is a lot to ask of you. I know it may not seem fair of me to offer you up like that without asking first, but the way I figured it, we’re good at our jobs and we’re good together. I mean new job, new city, it all sounded so crazy to me at first. I’ve never pictured myself anywhere outside of CPD, but then I took a step back and realized what it could mean big picture. My time in New York, the cases I was working, they showed me just how big and bad this world can be. I mean I was chasing after dudes that make guys like Darius Walker look like frickin saints. The whole time I just kept thinking, I could really see myself doing this every day. I felt fulfilled in a way I hadn’t in years, but every night I’d go home, especially after the bad ones, and I felt like something was missing. Then one night after a really bad one I was sitting in my hotel room, wallowing in the heaviness of that day and my phone rang. It was you calling to check up because you had a bad case too and you needed whatever this thing is between us that always seems to work. That’s when I realized what it was that was missing. It was you,” she shrugged, the corners of her mouth curling up in a shameful smile.

“Hailey..” Jay said as his eyes glossed over with tears. He sat there silently, looking into the endless depth of her eyes and hoping the right words would come to him. His thoughts were jumbled and he was having trouble grounding himself in reality. The whiplash of thinking he was losing the most important person in his life to hearing her tell him her life wasn’t complete without him left him in a state of disorient. He was relieved when she continued on before he had the chance to stumble over words once more.  

“Look Jay, I don’t expect you to have an answer now. I just needed to tell you where I’m coming from so you’d have a full perspective to guide your decision. I know leaving Chicago, leaving our family at the 21st wouldn’t be easy, but I feel like this opportunity is something worth pursuing. I also think it’s something that would be made easier if we did it together,” she admitted, finishing her piece.

Her words echoed in his head as he seriously thought through the opportunity. Jay was wired to be a cop, to right wrongs, help victims find justice, and chase the highs of dangerous cases. He found his life’s purpose doing just that, starting in the Rangers and leading to his spot in Intelligence. He appreciated the fulfillment his work in Intelligence brought him, but what if he could do that on a much larger scale - with her by his side no less. All of a sudden he was picturing a life in New York and working at the FBI. He felt like it could make sense and it caught him by surprise, but it seemed clear.

“Do you remember when the unit was under siege and we thought it was the end of Intelligence? We had just gotten back from that major bust and we were talking about what would happen if we got shut down.. where we would go. Do you remember what I said to you?” He asked her, his newfound clarity allowed him to string a coherent thought together. She nodded in response.

“You told me you’re going where I go and that it’s hard to find a good partner,” she said softly, her eyes staying locked with his.

“I meant it then, and I mean it now. I���ve spent my whole life fighting to help people, and I like to think we’ve done some really great things in Intelligence. You were right when you said we’re good together, and if this job means we can make an even bigger difference than the one we do now, I’m all in,” he said, causing a big smile to form across her face.  

“Yeah?”

“Hell yeah. I mean I’d like to know more about the position and everything, but if you say it’s worth it, then I trust you.. we’ll make it work. Plus, our thing just isn’t the same over the phone. You’d be lost without me,” he told her with a cheeky smile, eliciting an eye roll from her.

“Yeah, you mean you’d be lost without me,” she responded, standing from her chair to grab her coat. Jay laughed and took the check before rising to put his coat on as well. As they made their way to the door, Jay turned to face Hailey as a concerned look overcame his face.

“Wait- have you planned on how we’re going to tell Voight about this?” He asked. She returned his question with an expression matching his.

“Uh ah, I didn’t get that far. I didn’t think you would actually agree to be honest.”

“Come on, we’ve built a pretty strong partnership here, at least part of you had to think there was a chance I’d say yes,” he told her.

“Yeah, no I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking the fact that it’s a job with the feds and the idea of having to wear a suit everyday would have left no room for consideration,” she said with a chuckle. She pushed her body against the door, grimacing at the sudden sensation of the cold Chicago wind against her face, leaving a suspended Jay stood in the doorway.

“Suit.. everyday.. I-“ he said upon realizing that part of the job he hadn’t considered.

“Woah, woah, woah, you already said yes, no turning back now,” she teased. He groaned and dragged his feet out the door to join her in the cold. They walked shoulder to shoulder down the street in a comfortable silence.

“That doesn’t sound so bad you know,” she said, breaking through the silence as they reached their cars. She turned to face him, her eyes carrying a glimmer he hadn’t noticed before.

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“Getting to see you in a suit every day,” she said confidently before realizing the coy nature of the statement and bashfully looking away. Jay could feel the heat rush to his face despite the chilling wind blowing against him. He smiled down at his feet, hoping if she could notice the redness of his cheeks, she accounted it to the cold. There was a long pause before he brought his eyes back up to hers once again.

“See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she said, placing a hand on his chest lightly before passing him to get into her car.

Jay wasn’t sure where their future was going or what direction it would take them, but he knew as long as she was in his life, he was set. His eyes followed her as she got in her car and started the engine. She gave him a small wave before pulling out into the street. Yet again there he was suppressing his feelings for his partner, but this time it felt worth it. A lot in their lives was about to change, he didn’t need to add the heaviness of his feelings to the mix. He was anxious about what was to come, but he ultimately felt content with his decision.