#and reading the sources... like honestly i still genuinely can't tell if it's coming from a place of

[catcomixzstudios]

WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD ON THEY ACTUALLY CONFIRMED THAT RAVENPAW AND BARLEY WERE GAY??

[dootznbootz]

Odysseus was afraid the entire year on Aeaea in the Odyssey.

Content warnings: Rape, Sexual Coercion, Sexual assault, Sex Work, power dynamics, this will also be long as fuck as I talk too much. This is NOT a "Circe the Goddess Hate Post". I call her out but that's it. I tried to keep this neutral but still making a point (Let me know if I gotta put more)

Lots of lovely folks on here have written great essays on what Calypso did to Odysseus as it's soooo blatantly obvious there. It literally states how he cried every day and how he flinched from Calypso, very straightforward on how he was explicitly raped.

But I've noticed that a lot of people are always iffy about Circe's situation (understandably so, it's not so in your face.) She's usually always mentioned in the "Odysseus never cheated! He was raped!" posts but then the evidence is only ever given against Calypso, and then mentioning how you can't say no or disobey the orders of an immortal and how it was in exchange for freeing his men.

WHICH IS ALL CORRECT!!! But!!!

There ARE immortal/mortal couples who genuinely love each other. Dionysus and Ariadne, and Eros and Psyche are examples. Apollo and Hyacinthus. Psyche indeed becomes immortal eventually and in some versions, both Hyacinthus and Ariadne do too. But even while mortal themselves, their immortal lovers still remained respectful and loving towards them and definitely doted on them. There are definitely power dynamics at play here but there's some nuance.

Odysseus and Circe's relationship, however, is very different. We all know he slept with her at the very least once. And that was in exchange for his men being returned to humans. That was the only time it was explicitly stated. With Calypso, it tells you every night he was enchanted and slept beside her. It was the narrator speaking but Odysseus is the narrator now and it's his story. If you think he lied, this probably won't change your mind anyway.

But even if it was a one-time thing, (which isn't the only interpretation and I will have points that talk about others) then why did he stay a year? What was he doing?

I'm doing a deep dive into the year he spent on Aeaea based on evidence in Book 10 and then the beginning of Book 12. Step by step, and honestly I'm writing this for Tumblr, not as a thesis so I will be a bit more casual but still using sources. To me, it's very obvious that he was uncomfortable throughout the text simply based on the language that is used. But it's very subtle and not an outright statement of "He's been crying every day."

BTW, just so we're clear, this is not a "Circe is the root of all evil, etc." type of post.

This isn't meant to villainize her. She's an immortal being and in mythology that changes things. Everybody is morally gray. I genuinely think if we were to ask her feelings on it, she'd probably be like "Oh, yeah! Turned his men into pigs! Strange little man he was." I don't think she gave a flying fuck.

I just simply get pissed tf off when people think Odysseus was fine. It honestly disturbs me how often I'll go on other websites YouTube and see everyone call him a whore and a womanizer. It's sexism at its finest because 1.) "MaN AlwAyS wAnTs sEx" and 2.) women can't rape/coerce. THIS IS SIMPLY TO LOOK INTO HIS FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

This is also only for Homer's Odyssey, using different translations. If you want to discuss this, (I'd be happy to! Just be nice!) DON'T BRING UP ANY OTHER WORKS.

With all that out of the way, come yell with me 🤗

I've read multiple translations, as I know there's going to be bias depending on who's translating. And having done so, each one has basically the same situations described the same so that's nice for consistency. Also, there are some parts in the story that are vague and that we'll never have answers to.

Odysseus first simply sees the smoke from her chimney and then sends his men in, after drawing lots Eurylochus leads half of the men to check out the house. I mentioned here vaguely how the 2 immortals he sleeps with are both introduced while singing and weaving, which could be seen as an enchantment (which to me is most likely. They both possess magic and are goddesses). So I'm just gonna move past that. Just take a peek and come back or just know that enchantment was likely.

Next, I'll see people often joke on Tumblr about how

"Odysseus says that Polites is his best friend yet only mentions him once!"

I think Odysseus mentions his best friend, the one to jubilantly go in first, to show WHY he would go through with this. How much these comrades mean to him. That's his best friend, and there are approximately 20 others who are now pigs as well. Could you knowingly leave one of your best friends to live a life like that knowing you could've done something?

[...]Circe—and deep inside they heard her singing, lifting her spellbinding voice as she glided back and forth at her great immortal loom, her enchanting web a shimmering glory only goddesses can weave. Polites, captain of armies, took command, the closest, most devoted man I had: ‘Friends, there’s someone inside, plying a great loom, and how she sings—enthralling! The whole house is echoing to her song. Goddess or woman—let’s call out to her now!’ So he urged and the men called out and hailed her. She opened her gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting them all in, and in they went, all innocence.

(Fagles, Book 10)

In the Odyssey, it's never mentioned why she turns people into animals. I think they were turned into pigs because, throughout the Iliad and Odyssey, Odysseus is often associated with boars. His men are associated with him, therefore: 🐖 Piggy. From what we know, the lads were just eating her food. With how much Xenia and hospitality are a large part of the story, they probably thought they were safe. They were GUESTS. This is especially welcome after the Cyclops and the Laestrygonians. And it literally says "All innocence". They were simply naive.

Then Eurylochus runs back, so terrified that he couldn't speak at first. He then begs Odysseus to just leave the men behind. Odysseus has shown that he does TRY to save his men when it is truly not reckless to do so.

But I shot back, ‘Eurylochus, stay right here, eating, drinking, safe by the black ship. I must be off. Necessity drives me on.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Then the famous warning from Hermes. I've seen folks bring this up when talking about this. YES, he is literally commanded by Hermes to not refuse her if he wants his men back in basically every translation. It sounds like Circe was warned as well. When? We don't know, but it sounds like Hermes didn't pick "sides" here.

Strange that he was still like, "Sleep with each other" to both, because he could've been like, "Circe, there's this guy named Odysseus. When he comes to this island, change his men back." But who knows, maybe it was Circe's idea from the beginning and Hermes went along with it. Just food for thought.

Now here’s your plan of action, step by step. The moment Circe strikes with her long thin wand, you draw your sharp sword sheathed at your hip and rush her fast as if to run her through! She’ll cower in fear and coax you to her bed— but don’t refuse the goddess’ bed, not then, not if she’s to release your friends and treat you well yourself. But have her swear the binding oath of the blessed gods she’ll never plot some new intrigue to harm you, once you lie there naked— never unman you, strip away your courage!’

(Fagles, Book 10)

But that doesn't explain why he was there for a year afterward! Nor if he himself was okay with it, which is what I'm trying to delve into as he wasn't.

Also the knife thing? She's still immortal. It was meant to startle her. Her dad is Helios. Odysseus would've been toast, literally.

Also note this exchange wasn't a "Yippee! Hermes says I'm going to get laid!".

...just approaching the halls of Circe, my heart a heaving storm at every step, paused at her doors, the nymph with lovely braids— I stood and shouted to her there. She heard my voice, she opened the gleaming doors at once and stepped forth, inviting me in, and in I went, all anguish now …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Another translation by Ian Johnston, (they all say the same thing essentially but trying to make a point.)

I continued on to Circe’s home. As I moved on, my heart was turning over many gloomy thoughts. After I had walked up to the gateway                                                of fair-haired Circe’s house, I just stood there and gave a shout. The goddess heard my voice.                      She came out at once, opened her bright doors, and invited me inside. I entered, heart full of misgivings.

HE👏WAS👏SCARED! The tone is solemn and suspenseful. He was just told that without Hermes' help with the root, he wouldn't be able to survive and bring back his men. Circe was dangerous.

He made her swear not to harm him.

Straightaway she began to swear the oath that I required—never, she’d never do me harm—and when she’d finished, then, at last, I mounted Circe’s gorgeous bed …

(Fagles, Book 10)

Please note that she NEVER promised that to his men. His comrades did NOT have moli in their systems. He had no way of truly ensuring their safety in any way from Circe.

He then refuses to eat or speak, literally "lost in grim forebodings". If he "just got laid", then why isn't he happy? Not many men can say that a goddess CHOSE to have sex with them. He did it to get his men turned back. It was an exchange. I don't think Circe is "Evil" so maybe it slipped her mind. Or yes, she could've thought, "Hey, I got what I wanted. He's handsome enough. Homer never shuts up about how hot this guy is He hasn't brought up the pigs yet. I'll just let this play out. Maybe HE forgot. I don't have to do anything." We don't know. But Odysseus probably felt like he got deceived.

"Hey, I did my part of the deal. I slept with you. Now do yours."

She pressed me to eat. I had no taste for food. I just sat there, mind wandering, far away … lost in grim forebodings. As soon as Circe saw me, huddled, not touching my food, immersed in sorrow, she sidled near with a coaxing, winged word: ‘Odysseus, why just sit there, struck dumb, eating your heart out, not touching food or drink? Suspect me of still more treachery? Nothing to fear. Haven’t I just sworn my solemn, binding oath?’

So she asked, but I protested, ‘Circe— how could any man in his right mind endure the taste of food and drink before he’d freed his comrades-in-arms and looked them in the eyes? If you, you really want me to eat and drink, set them free, all my beloved comrades— let me feast my eyes.’ So I demanded.

(Fagles, Book 10)

He doesn't trust her despite what she had told him that he should when they sleep together. He has figured out that while she will not hurt him, his men were not a part of that oath, the men he was trying to protect in the first place.

She is then moved by how they rejoice when they see one another again. While turning people into animals for funsies isn't cool and coercion is fucked up, I think she comes to see this group as not quite friends but I think she did find them entertaining in a way.

This is very strange but I've seen some folks say that since Odysseus was pissed at Eurylochus for still not believing him about Circe is proof that "Oh he was trying to defend her!". Which??? Uh, Eurylochus was literally questioning his leadership as a whole. Calling him reckless and shit. He is captain and he's the King, he can't let that shit slide. The text literally says "Mutinous". Also if I had to sleep with someone I did not want to especially if it was to save my friends and I got called names afterward I'd get fucking pissed too.

Only Eurylochus tried to hold my shipmates back, his mutinous outburst aimed at one and all: ‘Poor fools, where are we running now? Why are we tempting fate?— why stumble blindly down to Circe’s halls? She’ll turn us all into pigs or wolves or lions made to guard that palace of hers—by force, I tell you— just as the Cyclops trapped our comrades in his lair with hotheaded Odysseus right beside them all— thanks to this man’s rashness they died too!

They stay a year. Again it's never stated that Odysseus slept with her that whole time. You could interpret that. (Honestly, I feel Circe would get bored with him? She's a goddess, she's got more important matters than mortal men. And she definitely doesn't love him.)

His men DO have to bring it up that "Odysseus has forgotten his native land." Maybe they thought they could sneak out without her knowing??? I am fucking REACHING but hold on as Telemachus did because he knew Nestor would well, be Nestor and try to coax him with "Have a meal with us! Let me tell you about how badass I used to be in my youth." But to sneak away from a goddess? Without her permission? That won't end too well. Aeolus in the beginning kicked out Odysseus when he tried to ask for another bag of wind. If she didn't want him around, she could literally boot him out. While she didn't force him to stay like Calypso did, she didn't "release" him either.

We don't know if they've been asking for a long time. Odysseus does say to Circe that they have been begging him nonstop, but he could also be saying that to try and convince her. He's good at persuasion. I think while he knew he could rely on her for food, shelter, and good advice, he still didn't feel...SAFE with her. I think he was possibly avoiding her personally.

I think HOW he asks her to leave is important to know as well.

...but I went up to that luxurious bed of Circe’s, hugged her by the knees and the goddess heard my winging supplication: ‘Circe, now make good a promise you gave me once— it’s time to help me home. My heart longs to be home, my comrades’ hearts as well. They wear me down, pleading with me whenever you’re away.’

(Fagles, Book 10)

Throughout all of Homer's works, the characters grasp another's knees when they are desperate and are literally at the other person's mercy. Priam did when begging Achilles for Hector's body back. The man who literally killed his son and was defiling his body by dragging it around. Leodes grabs Odysseus' knees to beg for his life before Ody kills him. If he saw her as a friend, and not a captor, WHY DID HE FEEL THE NEED TO BEG IN ORDER TO LEAVE?! No one, who is in a healthy relationship, has to BEG for permission to leave. Or to "Break up", if you interpret them as still sleeping together.

And even Circe acknowledges that he is there against his will!

‘Royal son of Laertes, Odysseus, old campaigner, stay on no more in my house against your will.

(Fagles, Book 10)

[...]Odysseus, man of many resources, scion of Zeus, son of Laertes, don’t stay here a moment longer against your will

(A.S. Kline, Book 10)

This is probably another reach that you can ignore but the whole "they wear me down", could be trying to appease her. "Look, you're REALLY cool, it's actually my crew that wants to leave hahahah please don't kill them"

I mentioned before how Telemachus snuck away from Nestor but that was simply out of necessity because he needed to go home now. Not rest for the night. NOW. Nestor is just everyone's grandpa. Menelaus kind of talked more but Telemachus is very straight up in "Please I have to go now" and Menelaus immediately got things ready for him. He never has to beg and clasp his knees. Telemachus was never afraid. Menelaus is a fun uncle and Helen is your cool auntie.

Back to Circe! She tells him instructions for the underworld, they were in her bedroom. But that might've been the only way to speak with her. As even Penelope is usually away from the suitors when they are in her halls, Circe may have done the same. The text never states she played hostess physically. If she was hosting in the halls during the day, why did Odysseus wait until night to talk to her? He could've just asked her while she was on her throne in front of everyone. (He did so with the Phaeacians)

Or maybe he went alone because she only swore an oath to not harm him and so he didn't want his men near if she decided she didn't want to let them go. I could be missing something here so feel free to say something. Idk if this was a pride thing on how "I don't want others to see me beg".

She has info he needs in order to go home as well. She tells him to go to the Underworld.

She gave him new fine clothes and put on pretty clothes herself but that doesn't mean they had sex. Nausicaa gave him nice clothes as well but he never slept with her.

Then he leaves. Immediately. Not even doing a headcount as he didn't realize one of his men had died. (That was negligence on his part but he wanted out) He booked it, to the UNDERWORLD BY THE WAY. Circe even had to sneak the animals he needed for the sacrifice. Odysseus even basically said "She's a goddess. She can do things mortals can't" at the end of the book. And it almost feels...Numb? Solemn? Neutral? Gives a "It is what it is" vibe.

But Circe got to the dark hull before us, tethered a ram and black ewe close by— slipping past unseen. Who can glimpse a god who wants to be invisible gliding here and there?

(Fagles, Book 10)

She’d slipped past us with ease, for who can see a god move back and forth, if she has no desire to be observed?

(Johnston, Book 10)

She's a goddess. She has magic. She can do whatever the fuck she wants.

NOW ON TO BOOK 12!!! That was long! GET A SNACK AND WATER! LUCKILY THIS'LL BE SHORTER!

In Book 11, Odysseus swears, upon all his loved ones in Ithaca, to Elpenor that he'd give him a proper burial as he's been "unwept, unburied". So in Book 12, he sails back to Aeaea to fulfill his promise.

But you know what's funny to me?

He didn't tell Circe he was there.

He didn't even go to greet Circe himself. He sent his men to go get Elpenor's body.

The biggest clue that he didn't love/trust her is that if she was his "Affair partner" then why not go see her for "one last night together"?

SHE came out herself and pulled him aside to know what happened and then gave more advice.

I dispatched some men to Circe’s halls to bring the dead Elpenor’s body. [...]

Nor did our coming back from Death escape Circe— she hurried toward us, decked in rich regalia, handmaids following close with trays of bread and meats galore and glinting ruddy wine. [...]

But Circe, taking me by the hand, drew me away from all my shipmates there and sat me down and lying beside me probed me for details

(Fagles, Book 12)

In every translation, it talks about how he sits, and she lounges/lies down. That's not sex 🙃 In some translations, it even says he tried to be with his shipmates but she pulled him away!

So we lay down and slept beside our ship’s stern cables. But Circe took me by the hand and led me away, some distance from the crew. She made me sit, while she stretched out beside me on the ground. 

(Johnston, Book 12)

Then, she gives advice about the sirens, Charybdis, Scylla, and her father's Cattle. He tries to ask if he could save all his men. She scolds him for even thinking he could try. He again books it out of there.

I think we all know it wasn't "love". But I think a lot of people think Odysseus was willing and happy with whatever this was. "Friends with Benefits", if you will. I guess you could see it that way but I will say that makes me feel itchy with the whole power dynamic and fear. I don't think folks who have that arrangement have to beg on their knees to ask if they can leave though.

I mean the entirety of Book 10 gives me the vibes of "Laughing uncomfortably because you don't want to upset the other person". To just grin and bear it.

A lot of this was just putting the text here and picking it apart step by step. What you do with this is up to you. It's rambling while banging pots and pans together.

Maybe you see him as drugged the entire year and still sleeping together, as the moli "wore off". Even then, just because her magic can't affect him, there are plenty of natural concoctions that can be created that can affect mortals.

Maybe you see the entire year as sex work in exchange for shelter and food.

Maybe he was just alongside his men the whole time under her roof and was avoiding her after the exchange. After he got asked by his men to finally leave, he would start to walk up to that room only to freeze and turn around, thinking "One more day won't hurt. Should wait until I know she's in a sympathetic mood".

I beg of you, however, PLEASE understand that there was fear and coercion throughout his entirety on Aeaea. He wasn't staying to get laid. While there is so much going on and too many things that are left vague to really know exactly what happened, it is consistent that he was scared/numb. Lots of people go through with things they don't really want to do just to appease others. There are plenty of situations of sexual trauma where one person goes through something and the other has no idea the other person isn't okay. ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEONE CAN HARM THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT AT ANY MOMENT!

Sexual trauma is a very complicated thing and while he was scared, he definitely wasn't as traumatized by her as he was by Calypso. Calypso was a torturous hell while Circe was a year of walking on eggshells, as he did still receive help from her and she even apparently taught him a special knot. Not comparable but I still think Circe should be acknowledged. As even Odysseus acknowledges Circe when talking about how Calypso held him captive, as @leynaeithnea and @akaittou have reminded me. Leynaeithnea's addition:

A. S Kline translation of the Odyssey, book 9 Calypso, the lovely goddess, kept me there in her echoing caves, because she wished me for her husband, and in the same way Circe, the Aeaean witch, detained me in her palace, longing to make me hers: but they failed to move my heart. she held him back from leaving - one way or another - he did not want to, she LITERALLY compares Circe with Calypso, - yes he uses a stronger word for Calypso (here "kept" vs "detained") than for Circe, but it is still not willingly that he stayed.

He would not have brought up Circe alongside Calypso if her affections had "wanted". It's wild because I read the Odyssey and kept thinking "Y'all are calling the sex slave a cheater? The guy who slept with a goddess to get his men back? The ultimate simp apparently doesn't love his wife??"

Things I'm adding that shouldn't affect the argument as it is not in the Odyssey but I want to mention as it's a "fun fact": Odysseus' dad was an Argonaut. Laertes probably met Circe as well, (or knew of her) with the whole purifying thing and maybe Odysseus heard his dad tell stories of her. Later myths also have Circe with the habit of turning her crushes (or their lovers) into something with Scylla and Picus.

In conclusion, Yeah, he was afraid of her. At least to an extent. And don't pull the whole "Ancient men didn't get raped". Male victims exist and deserve compassion for what was done to them and women are capable of sexual abuse. If you think otherwise, you are not a true feminist and Fuck you. I said in the beginning this'll be casual and I don't wanna write a fancy ending. You can still think Circe is neat but you have to know that this was fucked up.

If you think a lot of this is bullshit or wanna give more context or wish to yell with me but still know he wasn't alright on Aeaea, cool. If you want to point out mistakes or something I should keep in mind with interpretations then feel free to say so but give text evidence. If you try and bring up the Telegony and/or Madeline Miller's Circe, fuck clean off. This is Homer. If you call Odysseus a whore and not the malewife he canonically is I'll start biting. 😤

[thebottomfromhell]

I read your Hantengu smut post from a while ago and I love the dynamic of him being with a teasing partner!!!! Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!

I can just imagine the grief reader would give him. Oops, undergarment flash! Oh, that’s my chest pressing against you! Woah, my hand slipped and gave you a little spank!

Welcome to a new episode of let's bully Hantengu (main body)! On the other hand, I'm glad you liked the post (even if idk which Hantengu smut post is 😅), I hope you also like this one.

Dynamic of Hantengu with a teasing/bully GN reader

Warnings: Slight bullying, Hantengu's... everything (+exagerating some things), Slight exposure of underwear, Implied sexual content and a Non-consented spank (ask for consent irl, people, ask if the other party is ok with it first).

Hantengu loves you, he loves you a lot. You are a spark of joy in his scary, miserable life, with your playful attitude and genuine, shameless, soul, how could he not? The problem is that, sometimes you get too playful, to the point he can keep up with it. Hantengu easily gets nervious, overwhealmed, anxious, scared or embarrassed, so maybe you could tone it down a bit? ....

Nah, what for? Honestly speaking, you like to see him startled, to hear him whine, sob and whimper, for him to tremble at the same time he holds into something or someone for comfort. He is so cute when he does, and so easy to tease you just have to. Just some words or touches are enough for hin to become a sweet mess only for you. Seriously, it's amazing this guy is supposed to be the fourth most dangerous demon after his king, because for you he is "My little crybaby. Do you want some cuddles, huh? Would you like me to make you feel better because everythin is swo scawy for Hantengu?"

He sobs again, burrying his face in your neck as his ears and face becomes each time more red, embarrased but not wanting to let go as you are both a source of comfort and grief. He doesn't even phantom how you can do it so easily, Karaku and Urogi he can get, they are an emotion so they can't really care about anything than enjoying things or do stuff they consider pleasurable. He doesn't know what is worse, when you use words or when you use your body to tease him.

It can be little things, like showing the side wings of the fudonshi over the pants, when you use them, having them showing off more the V line on your lower body. The first time it happened he made a little jump and a gasp, thankfuly none of the clones where there at the time, but it didn't help that you laughed about it, smirking. "Is something wrong? Did you see something?" In that second he couldn't move his eyes away as he started to tear up, you were still putting something on top, so he didn't know where to look.

"No, nothing!" And he looked away... for about an hour as he blushed violently and trembled, eyes closed hard and not a single breath coming out of his body. You laughed about it as you pressed yoursef against the back of his head, since he was sitting. "C'mon, love. Talk to me." He can feel your chest against him, and he starts sweating cold. "Y-Y-Y/N... Y/N your-" he stopped himself, not knowing how to call that body part in a way that is appropiate. "My... what? Tell me." Oh, you knew exactly what, but making Hantengu say it is way funnier. He stumbles in his own mouth, not managing to make out a single word as he blushes even harder and tears come out his eyes.

He is clearly overthinking. "What if I say it? Will it make me look like a pervert? Will Y/N accuse me of being one? I'm not a pervert! I didn't want to look! I didn't! I'm innocent!" And so on as he started breathing hard until you decided to have enough and started to comfort him, making him forget about it. Not that you didn't do it again, the exposed underwear was easily dealt with, he just stopped looking, moving his head everytime you were not using top or kimono. The body pressing was harder to get over from, but he just stays still when you do until you let him be or spice things up.

But then, it happened. Hantengu still has scars from when it happened, he never saw it comming. A normal night, he was just helping with something in the house, can't even remember what, and he was walking besides you, and the second he passed you... he felt it. Your hand hiting one of his buttlocks, making a loud noice as he feels the impact, tensing the second you make contact, face and ears heating up as an unnatural and miserable expresion takes over his face, throwing in the air the towels he was carrying as he lets a high pitched and even louder "EEEEEEEEEEAAAACK!! WHAT WAS THAT?!" feeling everything speeding up as he turns around to look at you, who was looking somewhere else, almost innocently.

"Hm? "What was" what?" He blushes harder as he doesn't know what to say. "You-you know... that." You try to keep your laugh to yourself, some choked chuckles scape, but you only smirk, face hurting in the process, as you ask again. "What?" You really want to laugh as tears start to form in his eyes, he just looks so lost, so cute and it's really hard to pretend you didn't do it when you both know you just spanked him. Hantengu starts to hug hinself as he starts subbing in confusion, a little inner though making him question if you may be actually telling the truth...

That though spirals as he breaks down into your arms. "I-I-I hat-hate you!" He days crying and you just had to tease more... leading to the current state. "Ok, shhh~ it's ok, I'm sorry. I am so sorry baby, I won't do it again, promise." He is having the grief of his life and you are having fun... he really hates you. It's always the same, you tease him and end up also comforting him. Why?! "A love you." You kiss the tumour in the top os his head as he calms down... that is why. He is trapoed like this, can't stand you but also can't have enough of you... he really hates you...

[soft-bellied-tannies]

Well, That Was Unexpected

Read here or on AO3!

Hoseok knew certain interests he had would likely be kept nice and safe inside his head. He would watch and read things here and there, but he had no intention of ever pursuing an arrangement with a partner…until Yoongi. 

He loved Yoongi and would have gladly spent his life with him without ever mentioning it. Hoseok didn’t even give it up at first when Yoongi asked, but he trusted his partner and now, he would never regret where his admission ended up. 

Never would Hoseok ever dream of Yoongi indulging him, but if Yoongi brought it up now, Hoseok would simply say it was his own fault because honestly, he did bring it on himself. The conversation still replays in Hoseok’s head from time to time. 

"Hyung, I can't tell you. It's just too embarrassing."

"Hoba, I promise you nothing you say can scare me. You can trust hyung."

"It's weird."

"So? Just try me. Obviously, you are not into blood and torture. We both know your stomach would never handle that.”

“Ugh, Yoongi, that’s disgusting.”

“See, exactly my point. It’s not something out there like clowns, right? Oh god, please tell me you aren’t into clowns.”

“What!? No! Hyung, what the hell?”

“I was just asking! Can’t be that weird if it’s not clowns. Is it feet? Pain? Temperature?”

“Would you stop guessing? Jesus, hyung, why do you - never mind, just let me explain.”

“Sorry, go ahead, jagi.”

Hoseok had taken a deep breath as he fiddled with his hands. Yoongi had never seen his usually confident boyfriend so nervous and all he could think was “God, maybe it is something weird”.

Hoseok quickly mumbled something and looked away blushing. He was desperately trying to find a reason to end this conversation as he looked around the room.

"What? You're gonna have to speak up, Hoba. I can’t hear you."

"I like bigger guys!" Hoseok exclaimed quickly making Yoongi recoil in surprise.

It took a couple of seconds to process Hoseok's confession before Yoongi let out a small chuckle.

"Oh jagi, come on, that's not even bad," Yoongi replied as he rolled his eyes. "So you're a chubby chaser, you’d be surprised how normal that is. I thought you were gonna say something actually crazy."

Hoseok visibly cringed, and suddenly Yoongi got the distinct feeling he was missing something. He didn’t mean to offend or misunderstand Hoseok, but he was struggling to see the source of his partner’s concern. 

"That’s not…” Hoseok started before pausing to think and eventually continuing, "Okay, well, yes that's a part of it, but it's a bit more involved than that."

“What? Like you want to tie me up and feed me?” Yoongi asked, a bit teasingly. He even threw a smirk that started to drop when he saw his partner’s reaction.

Hoseok’s face flushed bright red and let out a small whimper of embarrassment. “Well…”

“Oh shit, you want to tie me up and feed me. Like a witch from a fairytale?" Yoongi blurted out.

"No! Hyung, what the hell, you promised you wouldn't make fun of me!" Hoseok cried out as he covered his face in embarrassment.

Yoongi winced and reached out to pull Hoseok’s hands away from his face. “I’m sorry, Hoseok-ah; that was rude. I promise I’m not making fun of you. I just want to understand.” 

Hoseok nodded, still bright red in the face, but Yoongi’s genuine words and gentle hold of his hands were certainly helping. 

“So it’s like a food kink?” Yoongi asked, still wanting to understand but not judge.

Hoseok paused for a moment, considering the best way to explain. “No, it’s a lot more than that. Honestly, it sounds weird, but what the food is doesn’t really matter to me. It’s more about the body and the gain - you know, the intimacy. It’s not just someone being bigger; it’s also the process of getting there.”

“Oh, that actually makes sense,” Yoongi replied slowly before adding, “So, tell me how it would work.”

“Wait, really?” Hoseok responded instinctively, shocked at the easy acceptance. “You mean…how it would work with us?”

Yoongi smiled at him and stood from the couch to lead them to their bedroom. “Come on, jagi, tell hyung all about how you want me to get fat.”

Hoseok whined again, face growing warm once again as Yoongi’s laugh echoed off the walls of their hallway. “I knew this was a bad idea.”

But Hoseok’s words couldn’t have been more wrong. It was actually the best idea as they had spent the rest of the night walking through all of his interests and deepest desires. Most of that had now happened in memorable and satisfying ways.

After explaining the inner workings of his kink, Hoseok was prepared for Yoongi to say he supported it, but he couldn’t give up his body. Maybe a little roleplay or even watching porn together at most.

Yet, another surprise came when Yoongi absolutely accepted it. 

It, of course, started slow. Yoongi wanted to research to understand and “properly participate”. Hoseok demanded the clearest of boundaries, not wanting to risk overstepping something so important as Yoongi’s bodily autonomy and comfort. 

But once they got started, it went incredibly well. So well that Yoongi’s gain would become a surprise. 

It was like Yoongi’s body was made to gain. Hoseok saw results even with the smallest changes. 

Extra snacks throughout the day began expanding Yoongi’s appetite. Putting more on his plates at meals became second nature. Regular soda and milkshakes became staples in Yoongi’s daily beverage rotation.

They broke through Yoongi’s metabolism like a wrecking ball.

Yoongi had never expected their relationship to grow closer than it already was, but this unlocked a new connection between them. He felt praised and pampered in a way he didn’t even know he craved until he had it. 

And on top of the pure love and attraction he felt from his partner, the intimacy was truly unmatched. Hoseok liked to be in charge most of the time and he brought shock and even shame out of Yoongi with his intensity. He never knew being overly full, teased, and manhandled did it for him, but it was a type of satisfaction he couldn’t describe.

Although, Yoongi could bring Hoseok to his knees with control of his own. Even the suggestion of a tub of ice cream and a tight shirt had his partner worked up and ready to drop everything with his full focus on feeding Yoongi until he felt ready to burst. 

More than anything, Yoongi quickly learned that Hoseok had an affinity for the numbers. It wasn’t a fixation and they decided early on that goals would stress them both out too much to be enjoyable, but on rare occasions, Hoseok just had to ask about his weight. 

Yoongi admittedly didn’t even think about it. He was just heavy once he hit a certain threshold in his mind. To him, he was big, he knew it, and that was enough for him so the scale grew dust in its corner of the bathroom closet. 

That was until Hoseok asked him for an update. 

After watching Yoongi swap pants for the third time that morning, Hoseok realized that his partner had broken through the gaining plateau he seemed to hit a few months ago. 

It had been a while since Hoseok was able to visibly distinguish where Yoongi’s gain had gone considering his body’s tendency to settle weight evenly, but the last pair of pants requiring a little wiggly dance to shimmy them down Yoongi’s thighs caused his shirt to ride up, revealing a new pair of matching stretchmarks above his hips. 

Hoseok would not have described Yoongi as bottom-heavy or pear-shaped usually, but the recent gain around his hips and ass was making him look rather grabbable in Hoseok’s eyes. 

However, there was a bigger question burning in Hoseok’s mind before he could firmly grasp his partner’s plush love handles. 

“Hey Yoon, when’s the last time you weighed yourself?”

Hoseok watched in anticipation as Yoongi looked down at his half-clothed body, still without a well-fitting pair of pants. He seemed to think it over before he shrugged. 

“I guess, it’s been a while. I kind of stopped bothering with it after I hit 300. Just kind of…I don’t know, I feel big so that’s enough for me.”

Yoongi had to suppress his smirk as he immediately knew where this conversation was going. He felt smug knowing that Hoseok could barely resist the full-body shiver that Yoongi’s ‘I feel big’ had just elicited. 

“Just out of curiosity, how much do you think you’ve gained since then?” Hoseok asked, still trying to mask his desperation to know even if he was well aware that his partner saw right through him. 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe 25, eh, could be 30 pounds. It’s been at least six months since I hit 300, and we celebrated both our birthdays so….” Yoongi trailed off, still biting back his smirk as Hoseok’s eyes narrowed in thought. 

Hoseok knew 25 pounds was an absolute lie. He needed Yoongi to step on the scale immediately because Hoseok could visibly locate more than that on his partner’s body at that moment. He also was just a tad bit nervous because at one point, 300 was Yoongi’s hard limit and that is certainly well behind them now. 

With a brief pause, Hoseok opened his mouth to respond before looking at Yoongi and ended up having a silent conversation. He knew Yoongi wouldn’t outright refuse, but there was usually more of a fight which meant Yoongi was interested to know too. 

Grabbing the scale from the bathroom closet and setting it on the floor in front of Yoongi gave Hoseok a rush of anticipation that never got old. He loved the suspense before the bright red number inevitably wrecked his composure. 

Yoongi couldn’t help but laugh as Hoseok offered his hand to Yoongi like he were a young royal about to descend a staircase. He gently smacked his hand away, breaking the tension that filled their bathroom and bringing a laugh from them both. 

It was quickly brought back to the anticipated result as Yoongi stood on the scale watching for Hoseok's reaction - the days of reading the number himself were long gone.

"What's the verdict, Hoba? I'm right, aren't I? Can’t be more than 330, surely,” Yoongi rattled off smugly. He thought his offer of 330 was even too high, certainly nothing higher than 325, but he didn't want to be too right about it. He knew Hoseok was just working him up.

Hoseok's smirk dropped the second the scale beeped with the final number. His eyes scrunching in confusion as he asked Yoongi to step off and get back on.

"What? Can't believe I'm not fatter," Yoongi chuckled before adding, "I told you that my gaining had plateaued.”

The scale beeped again, but Hoseok's eyes widened even more than the first time, his jaw dropping a bit as he stared at the scale on the floor. 

"Hyung...I-”

“Would you stop being so dramatic?” 

“Yoongi, I can't read it."

"What do you mean you can't read it? I know its upside down to you, but it's not like you haven't done this a million times and-”

"No hyung, you don’t understand. I can’t read it because there is nothing to read. It just says max error.” 

Yoongi scoffed and tried to keep his cool. He knew Hoseok well enough that this could be some elaborate rouse to get Yoongi worked up.

"It’s probably just low on battery," he grumbled while rolling his eyes. "Here you get on. I bet it'll say the same thing."

Hoseok looked at him with a raised brow, shocked that Yoongi was so completely in denial about this. His partner had to know why he couldn’t find a pair of pants that fit him. 

Without hesitation, Hoseok stepped on the scale. They both watched as the red lines danced around the screen until his correct weight of 157 lit up. 

“Get off, let me try again,” Yoongi huffed, again trying to keep calm. He wouldn’t exactly be upset about a higher number than he expected, but it definitely would be a shock. He always said he felt big…not quite this big though. 

There was less patience this time as they waited for the result. Yoongi had to resist the desire to tap his foot in wait. 

"Holy shit," Hoseok whispered. "You maxed out the scale."

Yoongi stepped back enough to look down at the screen himself, staring at the words ‘MAX ERROR’ displayed until it blinked and went black. He then turned his stare of shock toward Hoseok who bent down to pick up the scale.

Hoseok turned it over and started reading through the fine print of the label. His fingers traced the words searching for his answer before making a small, whimper-like sound in the back of his throat. 

"Hyung, this maxes out at 350,” Hoseok said quietly, finally looking up at his partner to see wide eyes looking right back at him. “You weigh over 350 pounds, Yoongi.” 

The direct confirmation broke Yoongi from his stupor as he started to run through his excuses, a way to reason how this could have happened. “But I - well, I just ate breakfast, and…and I had a big dinner last night. I’m seriously so full and-“

“Babe.”

“And I have some clothes on. This is a heavy sweatshirt and I have a shirt on underneath-“

“Hyung.”

“I mean, look at me, I’m obviously bloated right now. I’m probably retaining water too and-“

“Yoongi!”

They both stopped and stared at each other, Hoseok clearly waiting for Yoongi to respond honestly.

“I can’t believe I maxed out the scale…” Yoongi whispered as he nudged the scale with his foot, still seeming to process the realization.

Hoseok felt sweat start to prickle at the back of his neck. He was getting anxious that this was the sudden and difficult end of Yoongi’s gain. “Tell me what you are thinking.”

“Honestly…I’m thinking that maxing out a scale shouldn’t turn me on this much.” Yoongi's face flushed at his own admission, looking up to gauge his boyfriend's reaction.

Hoseok's eyes were slightly glazed over, a blush getting darker by the second. This was wildly unexpected, but the most incredible outcome Hoseok could have gotten.

"It's turning me on too," he finally admitted breathlessly.

Yoongi bit his lip as a shiver of pleasure ran down his spine. He wasn’t surprised to hear Hoseok’s reply, however, the confirmation sent a deep feeling of satisfaction through him.

"But it's okay if you want to stop," Hoseok quickly added. "You get to control this. Your body, your rules."

"But what if I don't," Yoongi whispered - gaze once again going to the floor. "What if I want to keep going?"

Hoseok's blush got several shades darker and reached the tips of his ears. "T-Then we keep going," he stuttered out breathlessly. “We absolutely keep going, hyung. As long as you want.” 

Yoongi's hands moved to his middle, kneading the impossibly soft flesh as if it were proofed dough. When his eyes left the floor to find his partner’s, it encouraged him to continue.

"Well, that’s good, jagi because I suddenly feel very, very hungry. Must be some of that fancy breakfast spread left, right?” 

Hoseok was completely red all the way down his neck at this point, but he also could barely contain himself. His hands joined the soft caress of Yoongi’s belly before he quickly worked out a plan. Yoongi became more than a willing participant since their arrangement began, but this was a new level of intensity for them. 

“Why don’t you go get comfortable on the couch while I reheat our leftovers?” Hoseok asked, his voice taking on a darker, firmer tone that he knew made Yoongi weak in the knees. 

Yoongi nodded breathlessly, ready to agree to anything as his eyes were fixed on their hands on his rotund middle. Hoseok lifted Yoongi’s soft chin with two fingers so they could make eye contact before he continued.

“Then, once you are all nice and comfy, I want you to order a box of your favorites from the bakery down the street. Okay?” 

Hoseok smirked at the small gasp that left Yoongi’s lips. He normally ordered from the bakery for special occasions, but in Hoseok’s mind, this certainly felt like a special moment. Before Yoongi could do more than gasp and nod, Hoseok continued on again. 

“And after you order your box of treats for delivery, you are going to buy yourself a new scale that can actually hold all of this,” Hoseok said as he hefted up his boyfriend’s malleable belly before letting it drop back down - both struggling to hold back a moan from the gentle smack of Yoongi’s belly falling.

Yoongi’s chest was heaving now, ignoring the latent ripple that coursed through his belly and the sweat starting to build on his brow. All he could do was again nod in response. Hoseok had never felt more in control than he had right then.

“And while you are picking out your new scale that can handle all of this, I’m going to feed you all the breakfast leftovers until our delivery arrives and you can work on your box of fancy pastries all day long. Sound good?”

Yoongi felt like he hadn’t stopped nodding and letting out little whimpers, but he couldn’t do more than that, feeling overwhelmed by his boyfriend’s words and touch alone.

“Words, baby, you know the rules,” Hoseok instructed with a smirk. He could see Yoongi’s eyes getting a bit cloudy, entering a headspace that meant he would likely be increasing his stomach capacity by the end of the night.

“Y-Yes. Please,” Yoongi eventually stuttered out, the only words he could find in his mix of anticipation and arousal. He wasn’t even really full yet and here he was, already falling apart. 

“Good boy,” Hoseok responded, dropping a kiss on his forehead and a gentle pat on his belly as if Yoongi wasn’t an absolute mess. “Well, go on then. And maybe pick something comfortable to wear, babe. Something with a bit of room to grow, if you even have anything left in the closet.”

Yoongi let a louder whine fall from his lips as he ambled out of their bathroom without a second thought, knowing Hoseok’s eyes weren’t leaving him. As he riffled through his drawers for his bigger shirts, Yoongi tried to catch his breath and focus on making more room in his stomach because it was certainly going to be a long and filling day. 

The type of day that would be a good start to breaking another scale.

[alchemistc]

Help, I'm so confused. How can it be, that shippers and antis have such a wildly different perception of the 911 daddy issue szene? I don’t watch the show, just saw some gifs of it, but the discours my dash provides from both sides is astonishing. Wtf is happening? (And for context: even if I'm not in the fandom, I have read Buddie and BuckTommy fics and like both ships.)

Honestly I'm incredibly new to this fandom so I can't really do a deep dive, but from experience in fandom dating back to like, the late nineties, I can tell you there is always, always a section of fandom that wraps themselves in fanon and ties their entire identity into making their own preferences canon.

I have zero problems with the idea of b*ddie. I think it definitely has its merits, and through a certain lens it makes sense. It's not what drew me in and so far there hasn't been a particular fic or take that calls to me, but that's a me thing and there's nothing wrong with having preferences.

What it comes down to is a purposeful misunderstanding of the context given - Buck is into sex, Tommy is clearly into sex, they are into each other and they are exploring that with healthy communication ahead of time by having a flirt about it. That's it. That's all that scene was. It showed us that Buck and Tommy meet each other where they're at and enjoy each other's company and wanna fuck nasty.

But as it ALWAYS goes in the minds of shippers/antis who have wrapped their identities in 'this HAS to be canon or there is something intrinsically wrong with the world and I'm going to make it everyone's problem's (which is NOT ALL SHIPPERS, MIND YOU, THESE GUYS ARE JUST THE LOUD ONES) - they aren't making a genuine connection with either the source material or the character arc. I could tell you twenty different ways off the top of my head that that particular scene could make for EXCELLENT b*ddie content but that's absolutely not the way the antis are coming at it - it's a personal insult to them that they didn't get their way so instead of feeding that into beautiful fanon they've made some bonkers banana wild exclamations about moral superiority.

This is not new. This is exactly how the (small but loud) subsect of shippers/antis has always operated. It's failed media literacy and making it personal when the reality is that this is currently the story the writers want to tell. Antis operate in an echo chamber. It's a bad faith argument (I hesitate to use that word because it's more like proselytizing) based on personal preference.

If bucktommy ends up being a flash in the pan, I will still have enjoyed the dynamic it brought. If Bucks storyline continues on a different trajectory that I don't particularly care for, I can either fade from fandom or dig in with canon divergence and be happy with that.

To answer your actual question though, which is how the two ends of the spectrum have such wildly different readings on the Daddy scene: everyone is looking at this through their own lens of experience/understanding, so of course, of course people who ship Buck and Tommy are delighted, and of course (some) b*ddie shippers don't enjoy it.

There's an element of maturity levels to it that I don't really feel like digging too deep into, as well, but lets be real: the infantalizing of Buck is a big part of the 'ick' we're seeing, the kinning/stanning going too far.

It's the taking it personal bit that's causing all the discourse. It'll fade, it always does, until there's another thing to clutch pearls about. It's just noise. It sucks, but at the end of the day this is a fictional TV show about first responders that is for the most part very Unserious™️ and these are all fictional characters that people from different walks of life are seeing themselves in.

And at the end of the day, there are creative outlets that allow you to change whatever the hell you want about canon if you aren't jiving with it - fanon exists for a reason.

I'll just be over here in my corner enjoying two grown ass men being so down bad for each other they're a little stupid about it.

[disgruntled-screaming]

I Wanna Talk About My YuGiOh Project

Hey, hi, hello again! Instead of something Voltron related, I wanted to try and talk about something different. Going to put a read break, since this is going to be a very long post. I have no idea if there's a character limit, but I'll find out today with this post.

Fates Converge is my YuGiOh project that has been in production stages since 2011. Yes. Over ten years. I have a problem. During that time, I never learned how to make comics, but I've been studying.

The amount of research I have done for this project on various topics is insane. INCLUDING Ancient Egypt. The amount of fans that have unknowingly helped me is INSANE. YuGiOh fans with a passion for Ancient History are my saviors.

For those interested, Fates Converge is a canon compliant, possibly canon divergent, story that involves ocs and canon characters interacting. There's me, back on my bullshit again. If there's a story for a fandom I'm working on, there will be OCs involved. I am sorry.

Unlike my typical projects, however, there will be some other ships involved. Romance is not the main plot, but it is a subplot that more acts in the background. Basically if a scene happens to have romantic chemistry, only the characters involved will think about it. I wanted to try my hand at a slow burn-esque story. The pairings that I know will be 100% involved are the following: Peachshipping, YamiYugi/AtemxKutso (OC), JoeyxKatsu (OC), RyouxShanna (Friend's OC). I don't want them to be paired off once the ending comes, I still shiver at the end of Digimon 02 (why did it end like that). Hell, one pairing will literally be official in the middle of the plot. I shit you not.

I do GENUINELY want to explore the interpersonal relationships between the characters. I will jump DEEP into headcanon territory with this one, since I do love these characters deeply. As much as YuGiOh is about card games, which wasn't the original intention when you read the start of the manga, I pay more attention to the characters since it's them that got me to stay with the show. I will try my absolute hardest to implement the card game into the story. I have been working on a few plots that involve the Duel Monsters game and it's honestly hard since I'm more of a character writer above all else. For some reason, my mind wants two OCs to have some sort of connection to the God Cards just how Yugi has a connection to Ra. That's still in the planning stages.

I will warn everyone that this project is also going to be a bit dark compared to other stuff I make. I know I'm not very well known on this platform, but I assure you if you find some of my friends they will vouch that my work is not as dark as this piece of work. This project will involve some topics that will be very triggering, and I have a lot of sources of these topics. Some also are from my experiences, which are not fun. That being said, I will not be graphic with the depictions of certain topics. I already thought of a way to tell a traumatizing core memory of a certain character without any details needed.

There's an idea I have of fixing up the DOMA arc. As beloved as this arc is, I can't in good faith say that it was well written. I have some ideas floating around, but like with my Voltron fic, I'm still planning chapter 1. That will be a topic of discussion when we get there.

That's basically all I have to say at the moment, maybe I'll do a little journalling series for this project. Only time will tell. Stay safe everyone!

[phantastragoria]

do you have a favourite portrayal of a character in the gotg game!! who is it and why <3

Oh I think they're all great honestly!!! Part of why I love the game so much is that genuinely, the whole team + supporting characters are written with such obvious love of the source material and equal attention between them all. When I see comments of people saying who their favorite character was from the game and the answer always being different from each person I'm like!! That's how it SHOULD be!!! They're the Guardians of the Galaxy (plural) the focus shouldn't all fall on a singular character like most other GotG media usually ends up as 😭

The two (sorry I can't pick just one) whom I think benefit the most from the game though are Drax and Gamora because they're almost always sidelined both in-and-out of universe by most of the various writers (especially as of late) and in turn the viewers/readers. I've been told plenty of times that they're the most boring members of the "main" team, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! The amount of love the game versions get (by the few who've played it at least) proves that 🥺

I've never really liked 616 Drax shifting to being a complete clown during the 90s and such (and even less so when the MCU followed along 💀) So I appreciate the game taking a bit of his seriousness from the DnA run and just making him struggle with nuance and context clues in a less exaggerated way (autistic Drax I still believe in u) and I feel the focus put on him and how losing his original family + the aftermath deeply affected him hits pretty hard here because it's treated very seriously and shown in depth, especially with how his family (wife) gets actual focus. I cannot tell you anything about Yvette in comparison to Hovat, who actually seemed to have had a personality lol (AND she was on their village's council like omg imagine having more to you than just being The Housewife) Though I will say I flip and flop on my thoughts about Heather being disconnected from Drax's life in this universe... The TLDR is that I think his arc here specifically works stronger when he has to come to terms with losing his entire family and accepting the life he currently has with the Guardians. BUT!!! I very much appreciate that Heather is still confirmed to exist within this universe, even if that means her dad issues would have to be dealt with in a different context if we ever get to see her.

Also? Shoutout to the writers actually bringing up the intense paranoia that always kneecapped 616 Drax but having that be a turning point in his backstory here, with that conversation he has with Peter where he talks about how he was becoming so paranoid of everyone being a chitauri/Thanos conspirator to the point of literally turning into an obsessed maniac like Thanos, and realizing that he desperately needed to turn his life around, it's so ough.

Out of the already many great conversations throughout the game, I think the ones with him are the most poignant. My favorite scene in the whole game is Drax and Pete's little moment on Knowhere... makes me go wahhh

(l also love that out of everyone on the team, it's his headspace that we quite literally get to go into. You KNOW that if this was any other media it'd be going into Rocket or Groot's head and likely treated as a joke.)

And oh my god, Gamora...

I find it so extremely refreshing that her role in the plot doesn't revolve purely around the men in her life, and instead, it's nearly exclusively her connection with other women. Or in the most direct obstacle she has to deal with, being how she starts projecting to the millionth degree on Nikki's situation for reminding her of what happened to her and Nebula. I find that infinitely more fascinating as a reading of her character rather than just dating drama or her arc getting completely overtaken by a man's instead.

And especially in her friendship with Mantis, who, despite having all these futures she's constantly seeing and having to navigate, still makes time to do her best to help her 🥺 From saving her life and being the one who put her on the path to healing on Lamentis, to getting her to join the Guardians and still checking in on her when she's able 😭 Friendship between women can be so powerful... u love to see it (🏳️‍🌈)

I also find it nice that there's this emphasis on her recovering mentally, and the comparison between Thanos essentially teaching her to just Deal with the shit in her life through very simplistic meditation versus the priests of Pama actually teaching her something to help soothe the mind :^( and that she still has moments of relapsing essentially. I find that to be a realistic take on recovery because that's just part of the journey since healing is not linear... and I think it's very sweet that she finds comfort in collecting something ---girly--- like dolls. Love to see a person reclaim a part of their childhood that they weren't allowed to experience. And how she's allowed to make BAD JOKES?? Imagine a woman being written to have multiple dimensions, crazy and absolutely unthinkable, I know.

There's this extremely specific theme in relation to Gamora across media that's been rattling around in my brain since first playing the game. When near the end during the revisit to Knowhere, she's about to completely lose it when Peter tries talking -for- her on what she's so upset about before immediately shooting him down, and she explains what happened between her and Nebula and she starts crying. It really struck me right then that she's never given a moment to cry elsewhere (or in the 616's case, the quite literal inability to.) aside from her shedding a Single Manly Tear (Original Sin) or a single moment out of legit fear (MCU 💀) because she's a hashtag Strong Independant Woman who can't be vulnerable etc etc. But for her to cry in front of the people she's come to care about, It gives her a moment of true vulnerability that I don't think she's allowed ever in most other media.

That and all of the above hits hard and is what makes me genuinely believe that the writers cared about her in the narrative and tried to do right by her when every other bit of media really hasn't nor cared to the majority of the time since the 90s :'^/ Brings a tear to my eye that she's allowed to just... exist in the narrative on her own merits and not on what she can provide to someone else's story.

[acacia-may]

9, 27, 69 and 83 for the ask game, please?

Hi there, friend! Thank you so much for the ask! I'd be delighted to answer these questions for you 🥰

9. In an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

Honestly, I'm very private about my original fiction and am not sure I would ever want it to be published, so I have never actually thought about this before, and I honestly don't know if I'd want to see it adapted for screen. I think a lot of book to screen adaptations aren't very thoughtful or respectful to the source material so I guess it would depend on who was making it and why. It would be flattering if someone loved my work enough to make an adaptation of it, but I think I'd only be okay with it if it was done out of genuine love for the source material even if our interpretations were different (death of the author and all that...😅) rather than just a soulless cash-grab.

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? And who do you share them with?

Yes. I always try to get someone to read over a rough draft before I post it anywhere, especially if I am feeling iffy about it. That's generally @randomsprinkles the world's dearest editor who reads most of my work even when it's in really rough shape and will always tell me what to cut out, change, or fix! 😊 I have shared some rough drafts (or snippets of them) with other fandom friends/fellow fic writers too (especially if they write for the same characters or relationships), and I'm very grateful for their feedback and always try to thank them in my author's notes. 💖

I'm not super protective or secretive over my rough drafts, but I do get embarrassed sharing them sometimes especially when they're not polished at all. I have had some ridiculous typos before and it's nice to see those get caught & corrected, but I always feel sheepish about the fact someone actually read that silly mistake. 😅

69. How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel?

Oh absolutely. I think my writing tends to be deeply introspective when it comes to the characters, and it's always my goal especially when writing a deeply vulnerable and emotional scene to really get in touch with how that character is feeling.

I think when it comes to these really intense scenes, my writing process is a bit like method acting. I'll take a step back from my draft, close my eyes, (often times) listen to music that takes me to this particular moment in the story, and really try to get into the headspace of the character whose POV I'm writing in by pretending I am them in a way (like I'm an actor portraying them in a play) to get in touch with those deep emotions and purposely try to feel what they feel. I think I always personally feel emotionally moved when I write these scenes, but it take a very special one to earn real tears from me. But I have definitely cried a couple of times while writing, and I almost always take that a sign that the character whose POV I'm writing in is crying in that moment.

For example, there's a moment in "Am I Ready For Love? Or Maybe Just a Best Friend" where the POV character finally opens up about his deeply painful grief, but he's trying to be so strong and fighting back the tears. As I'm writing this scene, I get to this one line and just start weeping, and I stop and think to myself: "This is it. This is where he can't hold those tears back anymore and just starts crying because it's all so overwhelming." And that became one of my personal favorite lines I think I've ever written in anything (though it's probably more moving in context): "But…but mostly I think it’s just that I wanted to be with her forever, and”—there was a hitch in his voice as tears began to pool in his eyes again—“even now, all these years later, I guess I…I just still don’t know what forever looks like without her.”

In short though, I do think I empathize a lot with the characters that I write, especially when I'm writing from their point of view. Even if I haven't personally experienced their exact struggles. I feel their pain, and it deeply moves me. As a writer, I hope that I can convey that to anyone that reads my work and that they'll be moved to. I take no joy in making readers cry (and always try to apologize for it), but honestly, there is no greater compliment than knowing that something I wrote moved someone so much.

83. Less is more or more is more?

It really depends. I do tend to be really, really wordy so I suppose it would make me a little bit of a hypocrite if I didn't say more is more. But I genuinely feel that less is more in a lot of specific circumstances such as when it comes to descriptions of things. When I first started writing I would spend whole paragraphs describing people's clothes or the exact layout of the rooms they were in, but as I've grown as a writer, I have done less and less of that because I feel it's unnecessary and just bogs down my narrative. So it just kind of depends. But I do tend to ramble on and on so... 🤷‍♀️ I'm not sure if I have a good answer for this one lol 😅

[vote-gaara]

I came across your oc x Gaara and was mildly impressed that you didn't immediately ship her with him.

I'm all for self inserting with shipping and oc x canon but one of my biggest pet peeves in fan writing is when a character is immediately all over the oc even though it would never happen in canon u.

People do this especially with Gaara. They write their ocs to be friends with him when they are kids or they have him see something special in the oc or something. I hate is when Gaara develops an immediate crush on them too cause it's just not the way his character is.

I just respect your story more for writing that Gaara hated your oc before they became friends cause it just seems more reasonable to me.

I do notice that's a thing that does happen in fics with OCs, but my general rule is that we're all here to have fun.

Personally, I would never point out to an author that they're writing out of character unless they are genuinely asking for honest criticism on how to improve. Again...we're all here to have fun.

I think most people when writing pairings for Gaara tend to lean on tropes to make it easier to get the ball rolling, so that's where you get variations of "they were friends as kids" or "there was something about her that made him feel things."

No trope is bad when executed well, or even used for the sake of just enjoying writing.

Gaara is an extremely difficult character to write for just on his own without adding romance - something he's really bad at - into the mix. It took me years as a fan fic writer to actually come to terms with the idea that, hey, my characters should actually be irritating, annoying, stupid and unreasonable at times. My OCs - who are extensions of me - should have things they're really, really, really bad at.

I find enjoyment out of exploring flaws through characters and having them grow, while some people self insert themselves into canon material in order to build themselves up, feel better about themselves and to write their ideal world to escape from this one (which can be very unkind). I have written both, read both, and enjoy both.

I support everyone in their fic writing, but I'm gonna be honest here and say that I aggressively support women especially, or those who identify as female, self inserting themselves as rock solid, flawless female characters who have naturally amazing and god bending powers because I feel most media allows male characters to be that way without too much gripe. Yet when a woman is naturally talented, then suddenly it's "unrealistic" because she hasn't "suffered for it", or when she is flawed in the beginning and grows to be powerful, suddenly people can't look passed "but she used to be annoying!" (Looking at you Sakura haters out there.)

I am, by quite a huge margin, a lot more accepting of fan works having unrealistic characters than I am from professional media sources, but because people should be able to explore themselves through their interests and to have fun.

They used to use the term Mary Sue for these types of characters, I don't know if they still do because of how misogynistic it is, but honestly I don't have problems with Mary Sues.

A writer didn't write something for me. They wrote it for themselves, and again, unless they're asking for honest criticism, I'm not gonna say anything. Stopping reading something you don't like is completely free, but someone saying something nasty to a fic writer may cost them their happiness and their hobby.

I think it's fine to discuss these things on a neutral blog like mine, but I ask that you please, please PLEASE not post hate on someone's fic.

And in the spirit of OC positivity....Anyone have an OC? Come into my inbox and tell me why they're amazing.

[girlcalledwhatsername]

Not a whole thought if you're willing to entertain it here, but we just wish people would be openly and loudly supportive of our endogenicity re: plurality because, like, we can keep ourselves going usually but sometimes it gets to us that even the more understanding allies will be very quiet about it. :(

Not sure if this deserves a whole explanation on our own blog, but it's not quite something we can just Not Say either, and your blog also fits? Why are people loud about everything but inlcusys stuff (if we can be incredibly crass and oversimplify for a bit in our frustration)?

Anywayssss also hello, we hope you're doing okay. :D

Hello! Hope you're doing okay as well

I understand the frustration when it seems that a discussion about something only stays within that particular community, it happens with a lot of disabilities or controversial ideas and it can feel quite alienating, I'm sorry that you're facing this too :(

Idk if you're actually looking for some kind of explanation or if you just wished to vent but if it was the latter I apologise

I think for one, DID is not often discussed in the mainstream that much. I can't speak for how it is offline in western spaces, but at least here the awareness is very very vague even with those who are in mental health advocacy circles. People started calling it DID instead of MPD only recently. I myself hadn't heard the terms like systems and endogenic/traumagenic till I saw them on Tumblr, and from what I can tell from when I looked them up back then, all the sources on it also seem to be independently published by people within these communities themselves, so the discussion hasn't quite breached the mainstream yet. Hopefully that part at least will be rectified in time.

As for within online spaces, when I came on here and heard these many terms i didn't understand I too was overwhelmed and confused by it, took some time to read enough to understand it. Honestly from the kind of understanding I had of DID, I always assumed some people are gonna be that way just because and some are gonna develop these personalities because of specific events. Much like most human differences or neurodivergence.

One thing I do want to bring up about more talked about ideas around DID and even how it's represented is how it is seen as inherently unhealthy and something to be "cured" as these differences often are. I personally believe anything that isn't causing distress, even if it's a "symptom", doesn't need to be changed in any capacity, it's a similar reaction that people often have to hallucinations that aren't necessarily distressing where just because it's different it must be unhealthy and needs to go away at any cost. And i think these notions being internalised is where a lot of this refusal to accept what I understand endogenic systems to be comes from. Because people can't handle someone being at peace with their differences, doing it the "wrong way", even if the person themself has no issue with the way DID is manifesting for them personally.

I'll confess that I keep putting off thinking about my own plurality like I used to do with my gender, and a big part of that is how I'm still quite intimidated by labels and terminology, it's not affecting me badly so I just brush it aside to be understood another day. And I've never found someone with more experience to talk it through with either.

So I genuinely believe that by and by the discourse will breach containment so to speak and get talked about more. Again, i can't speak for how it is in other regions but the terminology is probably new to a lot of people who will understand it by and by. It's gonna take time but we'll get there, and in the meantime, if you ever want to talk about this stuff my messages are always open ❤️

[crinkled-emotions]

Hey G 😊

Hope all is good! Have you any Bradley fluffy angsty whump for me please?🥺🥹 Something you’ve written yourself or any recs you might. (Honestly I trust you as a reliable source for this haha) You know when you just need a solid fic? it was one of those days.

(Not to moan or dump my shit on you but I had such a shit day, I didn’t finish one of my finals, well actually no one finished and the person next to me left in tears after 10 minutes so at least I’m not the only one. But I’m here because your fics make me feel better 🥰)

Anon, hey! I'm sorry you were having a rough time earlier, hopefully you're going well now!

All is going relatively well! I finished my major assignments for uni last week so now I get to have time to write and play the sims 😂

Hmmmmm... I've seen so many great fics, so let me start with some of my favourites!

First up, the Daderick List;

Literally anything by @purplearrowzandleather-blog . I can't even tell you how much I love and adore their fics!! Their fics really inspired me to post mine 😊

Of course, the beloved Pooty has literally amazing fics, 7700 being my favourite for the Daderick vibes!

I have adored Wolfcry22 for ages and their fics are SO good!! This one in particular hurts my heart but it's so worth it!

I feel weird recommending my own fic, but the asshole doctor fic is genuinely one of the favourite ones I've ever written!

Aquarius626 I think has some brilliant fics and I love their writing style! This one in particular makes me smile, it's short but it's also partially set at the Hard Deck and I love it sm!!

Sticker Fever I can't even- I love this fic, I've read DjDangerlove's content before and I had no idea they were writing for TGM until I read this fic!!

-

Now for the ship list! This includes Bobster, Hangster and Rooster/Phoenix as well as... well, not to toot my own horn, but I have a couple OC/Rooster fics that I have a soft spot for 😂

This is a Bobster fic, and it's literally so- I can't even. Fluffy!!

This Hangster fic is so good, Rooster comes home from deployment and he's so sick. What a vibe!

Another great Hangster fic, Rooster finally gives in and the vulnerability is my favourite thing ever!

This one is past Rooster/Phoenix and while the sickfic element isn't particularly there (Rooster is hungover and Phoenix is done lmao) it's still fluffy!! Pooty, another iconic fic!

Pet names!! ALL of the pet names!! I feel like I stick to the generic ones and I hardly ever use them these days but this fic really made my heart ache. Fluff!

This collection of fics is something I return to every damn time I feel like binge-reading sickfics!!

-

I feel like I missed a couple but these fics are only the beginnings of my favourites!

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

For people who don't know what's happening in the UK, a quick update:

The Prime Minister— henceforth to be referred to as That Twat— has spent the last few months insisting that he never went to any parties. (Oh no sir, no parties whatsoever sir— a bigger boy did it and ran away!) He has said this both in press releases to the general public and also in the House of Commons.

Remember that last bit, it will be important later.

That Twat put off explaining what exactly he was doing then, in that room with all the people, and the booze, and the frickin birthday cake, by saying that we just had to wait for the Sue Grey Report (remember that?). Apparently enough was drunk at these definitely-not-parties that even That Twat was unable to remember what he'd done that night.

Then, when the Sue Grey Report was just due to come out, back in January, after weeks of saying that it was none of their business— and what were we expecting them to do? Enforce the law?— the Met Police (henceforth, Those Bastards) finally got off their arses just in times to announce that Sue Grey wasn't actually allowed to publish everything she'd found, because some of that info was now part of their investigation.

Sue Grey instead released an 'update', which you can read in full here.

To give an idea of what a full report might have contained however (and the neutered version was still pretty damning, confirming as it did that the government were ignoring lockdown rules, and that members of staff were intimidated into silence) British comedian Joe Lycett posted a fake version to Twitter just before the real one came out.

You can read it here. I honestly recommend it more than the real one.

The fake report claimed that several gatherings had been held, at which everyone played games called "slow dance" and "pass the arsehole". It also mentioned a groupchat called "Down It Street" and said that the last guy to suggest that anyone take a test was now being called 'Twateral Flow' around the office.

It was very funny, and just about unbelievable, and would have faded into obscurity if That Twat and staff hadn't apparently believed it. Admittedly we only have Lycett's word for this, but after tweeting the initial parody report, he then tweeted a screenshot of a message from a "verified" source who worked in Downing Street, stating that the report was being treated as a serious leak.

After that, however, things quietened down a bit, primarily because That Twat turned out to have been gifted the most amazing belated Christmas present in the form of Russia invading Ukraine.

I mean given how fucking desperate he is to seen like Churchill (and how determined to ignore all signs to the contrary, despite one of his own MPs using the same “in the name of God, go” speech that was used to make fucking Neville Chamberlain step down— That Twat, author of several books about Churchill, claimed not to recognise it) you can tell he's really wanking off to this. Ask any Tory politician and they'll try and tell you that the UK is somehow a more important player in this war than Ukraine.

Just as Covid had been the perfect excuse for the Brexit fuckup, so Ukraine was the perfect excuse for the Covid fuckup. "We can't talk about the many crimes I have obviously committed, while thousands of my own people died at my hand, because don't you know there's a war on?!"

And— despite a decent attempt in which he genuinely tried to compare the experiences of Ukrainians defending their country from a fucking invasion to those of Brexit voters living in a country where some people disagree with them— on the whole the situation is too big and too distant for That Twat to fuck it up on his own. His advisors must have breathed a sigh of relief.

Bob Hale from Horrible Histories voice: But not for long!

Literally last week, Those Bastards finally got back to us on Boris's Rule Breaking Birthday Bonanza (and the various other parties that he absolutely attended) by stating that they had to fine him! And several of his ministers!

Not a huge punishment on its own, given that he's a Rich Upper Class Twat specifically, but a big deal because it makes him the first UK Prime Minister in history to be sanctioned for a crime while still in office. And that's in over 300 years of people holding the post. And, most importantly, it proves that he lied to the House of Commons when he said he didn't know about any of the parties were happening.

Lying directly to the House of Commons, is a huge no, no in British politics. It's called Misleading Parliament and in theory it's supposed to carry the harshest penalties.

Unfortunately the British government was and still is largely run by the Eton set, and founded around their ideals, so at the moment we're all basically limited to asking That Twat to pretty please fall on his sword for the sake of Honour, and then standing by awkwardly as he absolutely does not do that.

(There has actually been a petition to make Misleading Parliament against the law, instead of just against the MPs' code of conduct. The petition gained over 100,000 votes, which meant that Parliament were supposed to consider it for debate, but the government responded with "fuck no, lol 😜" and it's been over a year, so that's that then.)

Since he refuses to resign, which is the usual way of dealing with this situation, the other way to get him out is his having Parliament declare a vote of No Confidence in him— but the only circumstances under which such a vote could be held is if 15% of all sitting Tory MPs write in to say that they think there should be one.

And since they all know that the results of such a vote would be one of them having to pick up the poisoned chalice that is the Prime Ministership as That Twat has left it, that's unlikely to happen any time soon. (It admittedly looked like it was about to happen back when the Partygate news first broke, but then Putin remembered that he hadn't gotten Boris anything for his birthday, and decided to make up for it by providing the ultimate distraction.)

The other, highly unlikely option, is that the Queen sacks him. Technically she has the power to do this. No monarch has used it since 1838— when it didn't really stick— and in theory she's only supposed to use it if he decides to go full Hitler and take over the world (which is also why she's the one with ultimate control over the armed forces). However, given that one of the crimes he's accused of— the one he basically admitted to— was having a piss-up on the night of her husband's funeral, and that given her age it's unlikely she'll be Queen for that much longer anyway, she might decide to give it a go.

At 3:30 today, That Twat faces his MPs for the first (and last, pretty please say last) time since the fine and has to explain himself. Currently his line of defence seems to be that he didn't know he was breaking any laws, because nobody told him what they were. In fairness, they probably didn't, but then they probably expected him to already know given that he was the one making them.

His argument relies on either the rules being so Byzantine and confusing in nature that nobody could be expected to understand them— which seems a bit rough on the British public, especially all those who were fined extravagantly for breaking them— or that That Twat himself is unfortunately as thick as two short planks, and everyone should forgive him for his misdeeds and definitely not question whether someone who's incapable of understanding his own law should really be Prime Minister.

So, overall, it's a shitshow.

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

Newsflash: Dazai cares for Chuuya

Before reading any further, I will be talking about stormbringer, so spoilers ahead!! Translation credits go out to: @popopretty on tumblr, make sure to give this kind human some love and appreciation<3

Also if you want to read the first few chapters of stormbringer: @buraihatranslations is currently translating it, give them much love and appreciation as well, they deserve it!!

Honestly, I have been so obsessed with Soukoku lately and I think the reason behind this is because when it comes to Soukoku, their feelings for each other are not as easy to grasp as love or hate, it is much more profound than that. There is care, hurt, trust, resentment, companionship, bitterness, and consideration...And ironically enough, thats just the tip of the iceberg.

If we break down their individual feelings towards each other, it will be easier to understand their bond.

On Chuuya's end, his feelings are much more clear due to his expressive personality. He wears his emotions on his sleeves, he can try and hide what he feels towards Dazai but his true feelings tend to unravel easily.

He sometimes tries to mask his feelings towards Dazai by throwing insults, but his facial expressions are enough to contradict what he is saying.

Chuuya's feelings towards Dazai can be easier to comprehend. He obviously feels this certain betrayal due to the fact Dazai left the Port Mafia. Not to mention, he and Dazai have always had a rivalry relationship.

In the Soukoku wiki page, it is stated that Chuuya is aware of Dazai not experiencing a proper childhood, therefore allows him to act as childish as he can and lets him tease him relentlessly. I don't know how reliable this source is, but either way I think its worthy enough to add.

In the Dragon head conflict when Dazai was out of sight, Chuuya told Mori to forget about Dazai. That was until Hirotsu mentioned a microscope, Chuuya quickly realizes it was code language because he remembered a previous conversation where Dazai says he needs a microscope to be able to see Chuuya properly.

The moment he figured out it was a tracker, Chuuya did not hesitate to jump in and rescue Dazai. But here is the catch: No one but Chuuya knew about the microscope, if Chuuya really didn't care for Dazai he wouldn't have mentioned the microscope and kept all this under wraps, leaving Dazai in a mess.

Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life. He never hesitates to leave his life on Dazai's hands when it has to come to it. Chuuya and Dazai have known each other for years, for Chuuya to be able to trust Dazai that much is because Dazai also cares for him too, right?

The answer here is yes, Dazai cares for Chuuya. In a superficial level, it doesn't seem like Dazai truly cares, but I can assure you that he does care for him. Weather you like to think of his care in a platonic or romantic manner, the care Dazai has for Chuuya is undeniable and extremely significant for Dazai's character.

I think that stormbringer establishes this idea even further. There is one specific moment in this light novel that shows his genuine concern towards Chuuya's well being:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right, the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

This section in stormbringer is personally one of my favorites, this is a very rare moment between both of them, but especially for Dazai. Like I stated earlier Chuuya wears his emotions on his sleeves, therefore even if he tries to mask his care with insults, its still painfully noticable that he genuienly looks after Dazai. Chuuya also sometimes show a vulnerable side of himself to Dazai, especially after using corruption.

Dazai on the other hand is extremely unreadable. Its hard to understand his true intentions and if he really cares for people or only sees them as a pawn. In this moment though, Dazai was being painfully genuine. Dazai literally prioritized Chuuya over the mission. He was already thinking of coming up with an alternative plan just in case Chuuya refused, obviously the sucess rate of the alternative plan would be lesser than the actual plan Dazai had in mind, he choose Chuuya's wellbeing over a mission.

In this section, Dazai wasn't throwing jokes or witty remarks, he was being serious. Because Dazai knows how desperately Chuuya wants to be human. He knows how important being human is to Chuuya.

Dazai wasn't manipulating Chuuya by giving him the chance to decide, we can see that Dazai was literally showing a lot of hesitation when mentioning this to him, we also get to see what Dazai was thinking, and we can tell he wasn't thinking about manipulative his movements in any way. All of this wasn't coming out of manipulation, it was coming out of pure care.

After six steps, Dazai reached the stair. He stepped on the stair and started walking down. Three steps down the stair, he heard a *clang*, a cool sound of metal echoing behind him. It sounded like the metal was kicked by the sole of someones shoes. The moment Dazai realized what the sound was, Dazai turned around in surprise.

There was already no one at the top.

Dazai was dazed for a moment, then he loosened his lips and laughed.

"Trying to act cool, huh?" Dazai smiled, both annoyed and relieved. Then he turned on his radio and sent out his order. "Chuuya has sallied, everyone get ready for battle."

I personally love this part so much, relief washed over Dazai the moment he noticed that Chuuya was going to go through with the first plan, which proves my point that he wasn't manipulating him and how Dazai was under a lot of stress because he wasn't sure if the alternative plan would be as effective as his original one.

Yet he still was willing to go through the alternative plan if Chuuya refused, because Dazai values him and regards his wellbeing.

Dazai was being surprisingly gentle in this section, he was being honest. There was no ulterior motive behind his actions here, just a boy looking after his partner.

"So i'm going to send an order to my men to prepare for action... Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay." Chuuya turned to Dazai. "Why are you asking me such a thing?"

Dazai didn't answer right away.

That was an unusual expression. It's like he was trying to say something, but he had to arrange the words in his head to decide where he should start. An expression he rarely shows.

This was right before Dazai drops the bomb to Chuuya about the memory erasure command. He was even asking for Chuuya's opinion on sending his men to get ready, this was the first time Dazai ever showed actual concern without masking it with witty remarks. You can tell that Chuuya isn't used to this.

And when you think about it, when Dazai and Chuuya have missions together, Dazai always uses corruption as a last resort and he always allows Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not.

I personally belive that the main reason Chuuya trusts Dazai with using corruption is because The Sheep used to exploit his powers too much, but Dazai leaves the decision to use corruption up to Chuuya. Dazai understands the physical and mental toll corruption takes on Chuuya and therefore leaves the choice up to him.

Theres another section in stormbringer that I really enjoy, it doesn't necessairly show solicitude but I still think this should still be taken into consideration:

"You seem pretty confident that Chuuya is human, don't you?"

"I am," Dazai laughed with a sigh. "There is no way a man-made code could create such a personality that I detest so much."

Throughout the whole story, Dazai is more than determined that Chuuya is human. The main reason Dazai finds Chuuya so intresting is because of how frighteningly human Chuuya can be, because of the fact that he always wears his emotions on his sleeves, something Dazai rarely does himself. Thats personally a nice sentiment from Dazai's end, even when Chuuya struggles completely when it comes to believing in his own humanity, Dazai still can't help but see him as a human being.

Also I am aware that Dazai literally said he detests Chuuya here but he also sighed and laughed while stating this, showing us that he isn't being serious about hating him.

And its not only in stormbringer were he shows his concern towards Chuuya. In fact, in this following manga pannel Dazai is telling Chuuya that if he is willing to listen him, he will stage his own escape so that Chuuya doesn't get punnished.

Honestly, if Dazai didn't care enough for Chuuya, he wouldn't have mentioned this to him. Chuuya didn't care enough to realize that he literally unwillingly freed Dazai which would get the pm mad at him, so the fact that Dazai is literally helping him out is no doubt out of care for him. If Dazai didn't have any regard for Chuuya he would've not staged his escape or mentioned anything to Chuuya, eventually incriminating him.

There are many misconceptions when it comes to Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya, people think that he doesn't care for him due to the fact that he left the Port Mafia, leaving Chuuya behind. But heres the thing: Dazai's intentions had nothing to do with Chuuya. He left the organization for his own good, he left it to fullfill Oda's wish.

"If Dazai cared for Chuuya then why didn't he take Chuuya with him?" the reason is simple, he knows how much the PM means to Chuuya. In stormbringer it is shown that Chuuya feels as if his humanity is attached to the people he is loyal to, in this case its the port mafia. Verlaine wanted to get rid of the pm because he believed that the pm is what kept Chuuya's humanity, eventually making Chuuya believe that he is only human if he stays loyal to the pm. Dazai knows this. Thats exactly why he didn't take Chuuya with him or even explains to Chuuya why he left, he knows it would be selfish to basically rip Chuuya's sense of humanity apart.

I have a feeling that if Dazai told Chuuya about the real reason he left the Port Mafia, Chuuya will not only feel conflicted about being in the pm, but he would also have an inner conflict with himself as a human.

People also think Dazai may not really care for him because of the fact that after the fight against Lovecraft he actualy deserted him, maybe that part was truly just supposed to be seen as simple humor, but either way I want to talk about it. Chuuya's only request to Dazai was to take him back to base safe, so why did Dazai leave Chuuya behind?

I mean he has carried Chuuya back to saftey before with no problem, for example in stormbringer when Chuuya uses corruption for the first time Dazai carries him back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so that he could say goodbye to his passing friends.

The reson behind this is because Mori needs to know that unlike Dazai, Chuuya is absolutely loyal to him. Leaving Chuuya the way he did will make Mori believe that these two really are at each others throats and that Dazai is insignificant to Chuuya. Making it seem that for Chuuya, the mafia comes first before anything else.

Therefore Dazai established Chuuya's saftey within the mafia since not only does Mori want these two to be hostile with each other, he doesn't want Chuuya to eventually turn against him if he truly found out more about Dazai's true reason of departure. Then again, this isn't canon but it is a logical assumption.

Not to mention that although Dazai did leave him behind, he folded Chuuya's coat and hat before taking his leave. There is also an an extra chapter where Ozaki Kouyou was talking with Chuuya but when he left he forgot his coat, which made Kouyou came across the coat; where she noticed a badge sewed inside saying "Name: Hatrack", she smiled fondly thinking to herself that some things just never change, in this case, Dazai and Chuuya's bond.

Dazai literally took his time to sew this into his coat just to tease him, it was a simple gesture but it shows us how their dynamic will never change. No matter what these two go through, they will always share a bond that consists on teasing, trust and underlying care.

All of this actually makes that theory of Dazai planting a bomb under Chuuya's car for the sole reason that the PM doesn't find Chuuya as an acomplice who aided Dazai on his escape much more feasable.

For Dazai to just plant a bomb under Chuuya's car with no motive makes no sense because if Dazai's true intentions were to simply mess with Chuuya, he would've most likely made it clear at that time. Dazai always has an underlying motive behind his actions, and in this case it is very likely that he did that for Chuuya's sake.

Don't get me wrong, I am aware that the bomb incident could've just been a comedic moment and I shouldn't look too much into it, but there is still a posibility, right?

These two hold so much trust and care for one another, yet they also hold a lot of bitterness and resentment. In the end the good aspects of their dynamic outweighs the bad.

Either you see these two in a platonic or romantic way, you can't tell me that their bond isn't significant.

Thank you so much for reading!! I wanted to talk about this for a while because I feel like people misinterpret Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya a lot so I hope this clears up things a bit<3

[irregularjohnnywiggins]

Please make that post

In reference to this post here and the larger point from this post.

So, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen has two big fundamental problems in its premise, added onto by a whole load of sub-problems like 'Alan Moore has not met a woman character he can't insert a sexual assault storyline into yet', 'We're in that age where comics have to be juvenile to prove they're adult' and 'Alan Moore is the Grumpy Old Man Eternal'. These two problems are endemic of all fiction on the scale that League is operating on, and why I say it may be unintentionally the greatest critique of Event Comics in the world. These problems are

You cannot have experienced every work of fiction you are playing with (particularly in League's case: Alan Moore has not read every book and watched every movie in the entire world). Subsequently:

You will inevitably end up drawing mostly on what you are familiar with and let other things fall by the wayside.

This is endemic to Event Comics - even with a Shared Universe as rigorously pruned as DC or Marvel, your average comic book writer cannot have read every single comic featuring every single character in that universe, which inevitably means you are going to be able to tell which ones they have read - if you're lucky the ones they haven't read get bit parts, if you're unlucky you get Wonder Woman in Infinite Crisis. It's not even explicitly a problem, it's just a fact of event comics that we've all had to accept.

When it comes to League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, this flaw gets amplified - which makes sense, since this flaw is proportional to the size of the source texts you are drawing from* and Alan Moore is drawing from all of fiction. As a precursor because we need to get this enforced more, the comics are extremely Anglocentric. Like, look at The New Traveller's Almanac from the back of Volume 2, and note how often a story actually from Africa, Asia or even Europe and America is mentioned, versus a story from Britain about those places. Hell, The Journey to the West, one of the most influential pieces of literature in the world, gets all of three references in this series.

It's a huge problem, and honestly makes me want more than ever a series like League by people from Africa and Asia - I'd be horribly confused reading it, but that'd be great, it'd expand my horizons all the more.

But that's not the gripe I want to bring up today. No, even after all that complaining about the Anglocentrism of League, I want to be a little more Anglocentric myself today. If you're not down for what is inevitably almost 1000 words of petty fanboy whining, please leave now, hope you enjoyed the actual salient criticism! Sorry 'bout that, but it's time: let's discuss Will Stanton at Hogwarts.

Bit of background for people who need it: in Volume 3 of League, the protagonists are trying to stop the Antichrist from ending the world. They eventually follow his tracks to a school in Scotland, where he was groomed to be the Antichrist and where he has just killed a host of people in a castle that is said to have once been able to move. The entire thing is a giant subtweet to Harry Potter for being unoriginal and, y'know, I'm not really going to defend that? I don't engage in criticism of Harry Potter's unoriginality myself, because it doesn't bother me too much and I genuinely feel that it takes away from the many more serious issues with the series, but it's still a fair cop and lord knows I love to point out the ripoffs whenever some TERFy piece of shit tries to insist that Rowling is some visionary writer that single-handedly invented the concept of female authors. If all Century was saying was that Harry Potter kind of sucks, I'd honestly probably add it on to things like Pratchett and Le Guin pointing out the flaws way before most people caught on. But there's one issue I take, and it's this:

The point Moore seems to be making, at least from what I can tell and what the common critical consensus is, is that Century is a three-issue rant about the commodification of magic and occult mystery, something the self-professed worshiper of an ancient snake god seems to take umbrage with. Harry Potter doesn't just suck because it's unoriginal, it and all British Wizard Children Fantasy of the incredibly nebulous time of basically everything post-1950s suck because they took away the magic and mystery from... well, magic.

And, y'know, I may not believe in actual magic myself, but I'm not going to say Moore is wrong to believe that. The message itself is fine. The problem is... well, 1. Alan Moore has not read every story in the world and consequently 2. He inevitably ends up drawing from what he's familiar with, and the things he hasn't read get used as props. And, my friends, he has not read The Dark Is Rising, which still remains one of my favorite books ever written. This is not a combination that results in a happy David.

Like, if Alan Moore is angry about the lack of mystery and intrigue in 'modern' fantasy? Here's a scene from the chapter of The Dark Is Rising where Will learns everything he needs to know as an ageless Old One:

He might read no more than one line — I have journeyed as an eagle — and he was soaring suddenly aloft as if winged, learning through feeling, feeling the way of resting on the wind and tilting round the rising columns of air, of sweeping and soaring, of looking down at patchwork-green hills capped with dark trees, and a winding, glinting river between. And he knew as he flew that the eagle was one of the only five birds who could see the Dark, and instantly he knew the other four, and in turn he was each of them. . . .

He read: . . . you come to the place where is the oldest creature that is in this world, and he that has fared furthest afield, the Eagle of Gwernabwy . . . and Will was up on a bare crag of rock above the world, resting without fear on a grey-black glittering shelf of granite, and his right side leaned against a soft, gold-feathered leg and a folded wing, and his hand rested beside a cruel steel-hard hooked claw, while in his ear a harsh voice whispered the words that would control wind and storm, sky and air, cloud and rain, and snow and hail — and everything in the sky save the sun and the moon, the planets and the stars.

How's that for mystery, Al? How's that for not trivializing magic? Maybe, if you hadn't very clearly picked Will's name out of a list of children's fantasy from the 1950s onwards, which is what I have to assume you did because the amount of references at Not-Hogwarts is so broad that you can't purely be criticizing Harry Potter and it's derivatives, Dark Is Rising came out in 1973 for god's sake, you wouldn't end up saying that a series that states outright in the fifth book that a key factor of magic is accepting that there are some things you will never know is less mystical and magical than Mary Fucking Poppins, no offense to Mary.

Now, is this petty fanboy complaining about a character from a series I like not being treated 100% how I want him? ...Yeah, pretty much, because if Moore hadn't included Will I wouldn't be as annoyed at his treatment of him. But that's another problem with League: Alan Moore uses the world of League to make broad sweeping statements: "Fiction from the 1800s was better", "Children's Fantasy trivializes magic", "Superheroes all suck unless they're obscure enough that I know them and no-one else", statements that cannot possibly hold up to scrutiny because he's not read everything in the world, and hell he's not even read most of the things he complains about because he's convinced himself he knows it all already. It's the problem with everything he uses, he warps it to fit his own worldview and leaves the people who love those stories, who read League entirely because it features those characters, in the lurch. He's reinvented the Event Comic, and it may be a parody but I'm not sure it is, and that's depressing.

*This, incidentally, is why I think Kim Newman's attempts at this concept work better than League - for most of his stories that I've read, Newman is pulling from genres specific enough to be conceivable but expansive enough to fill a supporting cast - e.g. vampire and associated Gothic literature of the 1800s for Anno Dracula or femme fatales throughout the 1800s for Angels of Music.

[aetheternity]

Hard pass 2 (Levi x Reader)

I'm a little concerned about how little time I took on the ending for the last part so I'm gonna put a little more time into this one. Hope you guys enjoy. :)

Synopsis: Levi is forced out of his comfy dorm room and in a strange twist of events right into your arms at a college party.

Levi was transfixed to say the least. He'd spent the past hour that he'd been back in his dorm room staring into a freshly made cup of black tea. The small jingling of keys in the door shaking him from his daze.

"Hello, Hello Leviathan." Mike greeted, tossing his bag to the side haphazardly.

Any other time Levi would've rolled his eyes but he just let out an agitated huff.

"Uh oh.. I know that look." Mike announced plopping down onto his unmade bed. "Who's the lucky girl?" He asked his smirk bright.

Levi's hair whipped against his cheek as he turned to Mike. "What are you on about? Who told you?" Probably Hange. Damn four eyes could never keep her mouth shut.

"No one had to." Mike laughed "You've just told me basically everything I need to know. Your distracted gaze when I came in the room, having very little reaction to me calling you Leviathan, your tea cup is still full and my side of the room is still messy." He seemed a little too pleased about that last bit.

"I know you went out tonight." He continued

"And what about it?"

"Who is she?!" Mike stood coming closer to sit on the edge of Levi's desk.

Levi rolled his eyes setting his cup down.

"Come on, I'm curious about some mysterious girl that has Levi Ackerman wrapped around her finger."

"Just shut up already." Levi replied turning his gaze to the window with a small pout.

"Fine, fine I'll shut up." Mike stood heading back towards his side of the room. An idea suddenly popped into his mind and he turned on his heel. "But.. I think I'll give Hange a call. You know.. cause I haven't talked to her in a bit-"

"When did you become so annoying?" Levi grumbled

"You're more aggressive tonight I like it. Is it because of her?"

As much as Levi wanted to fight it, Mike was one of those people that always got information about literally anything if he genuinely wanted it. Even if he didn't find out from Hange or Levi he was definitely going to find out from even the weirdest sources.

"Hange's friend.. she's not ugly I guess.." Levi could feel his face growing warm and he pulled his feet up onto his desk chair to hide it.

Mike laughed obnoxiously, "It's like watching a little kid finding out what a crush is." He chuckled "Super cute. So when are you going to ask her out?"

"Never."

Mike crossed the room again, seating himself on his bed. "You can't be serious! This is the first time I've ever seen you interested in girls and you're just gonna let her get away?"

"Stay out of my business, Michelangelo."

Mike just huffed reaching into his pocket to pry his phone out of his pocket. The room quickly grew quiet as Levi turned to his laptop though he was quickly distracted again by Mike's little chuckles. He turned his head in Mike's direction quickly catching the other male's gaze.

"By the way, Hange agrees with me." He said pointing to his phone.

Levi groaned, tugging at his hair. "Eat shit."

~ ~ ~ ~

Levi stared down at his watch with a soft tch.

It was 4pm and Hange was late again. He turned to Erwin who's face was currently pressed into a book. Thumb sliding along the sentences as he read.

"Where the hell is she?" He grumbled, shaking his mouse back and forth as the screen began to dim.

"She said she had to do something after class so she'd be a little late." Erwin replied, without looking up from his book.

"That's her excuse every time." Levi replied with a roll of his eyes.

Erwin just shrugged. Hange was always late. Sometimes she just showed up 30 minutes late with no real explanation and sometimes she showed up an hour late saying she had, had something to do after class. But every time the three of them got together to study she was late.

"Yo! Levi!" Hange greeted as she walked into the library ignoring the chorus of shushing that followed her.

Levi's scowl deepened, "Were you stuck on the toilet waiting for someone to fuck off?" He asked

"I have a great surprise follow me." She clapped in delight.

Erwin looked to Levi and then in the direction Hange had left in. He slowly pushed his chair out looking at Levi's irritated scowl.

"Are you coming."

"Whatever it is, is definitely stupid knowing Hange." Levi retorted, packing his belongings up in an orderly fashion.

The two of them quickly left before Hange could come back to ruin the peace again. They pushed through the library doors and standing against the wall with a somewhat bashful expression was Y/N with Hange who smiled brightly as if she wasn't currently disturbing Levi's peace.

"Oh hello Y/N." Erwin greeted, he looked over at Levi before asking. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh well Hange invited-"

"Ah ha ha! Y/N has homework to do so I figured she could come study with us. Though today me and Erwin have a thing." She quickly grabbed Erwin's arm yanking him over to her.

"But I was-" Erwin tried but was instantly silenced by Hange's hand over his mouth.

"You and Levi can study. Levi's great with everything! Right Levi? Ok me and Erwin will go now, by you two!"

"Hange!" Levi tried, his face already flushed with heat over the whole situation. Hange was surprisingly fast though, managing to drag Erwin away so quick they were a couple of dots within seconds.

Levi and Y/N stood in silence for a couple seconds before Y/N let out a deep exhale. "I feel as though we've been set up." She says, toying with the zippers on her back.

Levi can only manage a grunt in reply. Not daring to look into her eyes. "Well I mean.." she starts turning to Levi. "I actually do.. have to study so.. I wouldn't mind if you don't." She shrugged

"Mm.." Levi pulled open the library door for Y/N and lead her over the seats that him and Erwin had been sitting in only moments before.

He made a mental note as he opened his laptop again to keep the door locked next time Hange said she was coming over. Around 10 minutes went by of complete silence and Levi was incredibly happy for it.

Not because he was focusing, no his attention had been completely taken away from any possible work he could've gotten done here. There was no way he was actually going to be able to do anything when your scent was trapped in his nose and his eyes kept staring over his screen at your fingers.

Knuckles that Levi honestly wanted to kiss and fingernails completely devoid of dirt which Levi was instantly captivated by.

"Hey-"

He sat up straight, his own hands slightly curling around the aged wood of the table. Your book came sliding toward him and he looked down at it before looking back at you.

"I don't really get this? Could you help me a bit?"

Levi nodded before his brain could properly process what you'd asked. He almost thought he imagined the way your lip tucked itself under your teeth. And he felt dazed as your scent washed over him all at once as you slid into the seat next to him.

You pointed to your book and Levi tried to pay attention to your question but your notes threw him a bit. All the words were written in different colors and there were squiggly lines around definitions and texts. Small doodles between paragraphs as a way to properly space them and stars next to the most important words.

You scratched at your scalp and he took notice. "I paid attention when my professor was going over this I swear. But I don't really get it?? It can't be as difficult as I'm making it in my head." Your giggle of nervousness took Levi back a little.

The warm pit in his chest deepened and he sighed, trying to accurately assess the situation.

"Y-you made a small.. mathematical error." He explained, his fingers pointed to the equation as he tried to push away the ball in his throat. "You don't need these numbers."

Her smile hit Levi like a truck as it was instantly directed towards him. "Ah, you're so smart." Y/N said "What about this? I checked with the calculator but my answer was way off."

It was hard for Levi to ignore the way your shoulder rubbed up against his sending sparks all through his body like a tidal wave. It was honestly a little overwhelming.

"Oh sorry, am I too close?" You moved away and Levi gulped. He stared at your fingers, he didn't want you to move away.

He was surprised when he looked up and instantly made eye contact with you. "Stay." It probably didn't come out the way he'd wanted but he'd managed it and on some level he was proud of himself.

You smiled, "Sure."

After a while Levi felt himself loosen up a bit but the knot in his stomach was still very much there and alive. He found himself chuckling at your little jokes and he was mostly able to look you in the eyes. (As long as you didn't smile directly at him).

The first hour had been studying with small quips from your end that Levi found he enjoyed. Though around the third hour it turned into horror stories about present and past roommates.

Your laugh was so bright as you tapped your pen cap against the table. "And then Sasha just cracks the window open though it's definitely too late cause Connie had already created a war zone in our room." You were shaking so much from laughter that Levi was honestly a little worried you'd fall out of your chair.

He shook his head where he was resting it in his palm. "I still think Mike forgetting the do not disturb sign was worse." He shrugged

"Mm well maybe someday I'll have a story that bad. Considering Connie and Sasha have been playing a dangerous game of cat and mouse for two years now."

Levi shook his head. "You don't want to walk in on your roommate having sex. No one does.."

He felt his cheeks flush over again. Whether it was from the story or the way you'd playfully pushed his shoulder though he couldn't tell. He watched as you positioned yourself back in the seat next to him.

"Ok, ok. You told me about your roommates relationships. Now tell me about yours."

"What?"

Y/N playfully rolled her eyes. "You know the in and out of Levi. I'm curious."

Levi's gaze fell to the table. "There's nothing to tell."

Y/N's voice immediately softened. "Sorry, didn't mean to try and pull it out of you."

Levi picked up his head closing his laptop. "I-I just.. never felt that way.." he tried

"Not everyone goes to college and high school and stuff for the parties, drugs and sex." You said, laying your elbows against the desk. "I commend you for having a goal and sticking with it."

Levi's heart stuttered at your words. "Did you come.. or well.. umm? What did you-"

He was interrupted by your hand on his shoulder again. "To answer your question." You leaned in closer your breath tickling Levi's earlobe. "Yes I did come specifically for the drugs."

Levi's eyes practically bulged out of his head. This time when you laughed you were met with shushing and stares. "Sorry." You whispered, popping a hand over your mouth. "I'm completely joking." You then said to Levi who's shoulders relaxed with the information.

Levi's signature deadpanned expression was starting to make an appearance now. "That's not funny."

"Hmm.. well I'm laughing so." Y/N laid her head on the table.

"Your humor is shit." He said

"Funny you say that." She laughed back a smirk was playing at Levi's lips. "Hey." Y/N broke the lingering silence.

"What?"

"Give me your number."

"Tch, nice way to ask."

Y/N pretended to be shocked. "Oh, would you prefer I beg?"

Levi already knew how red his entire face had become. No need to check a mirror. "H-hand me your p-phone."

Unsurprisingly even her phone wa as cute. And Levi honestly wanted to admire the case and how warm it felt after being in your pockets. Oh.. you'd touched it with your warm hands. Levi couldn't help but think about how warm your hands must feel. How the spaces between your fingers looked so perfect. Like they-

"Hey." A voice shook Y/N and Levi.

"Jean, what're you doing here?" Y/N asked as she stood moving closer to him.

"You've been gone all day. I had to ask Sasha where you were."

"No, you didn't because you didn't need to come here." Y/N crossed her arms over her chest, pulling her hands into the sleeves of her hoodie. Her eyebrows scrunched together.

"Who's this?" Jean asked gesturing to Levi with his head. Levi felt his chest flare a little.

"Ugh, it doesn't matter because it has nothing to do with you!" She quickly grabbed her bag stuffing her notebook inside. "I'll talk to you later Levi." She explained her face still completely unamused. And with that she was pushing Jean out the door following him right out.

Levi's fingers dug into his palm. Who was that? It couldn't have been her boyfriend right? No, no that didn't make sense.

He started to pack up himself when he noticed your pretty phone sat next to his ordinary black one.

~ ~ ~ ~

Levi practically slammed into his dorm room scaring Mike who had his music blasting. Levi set his bag down on his chair, placing his phone on the desk.

"Hey man." Mike greeted as Levi quickly unpacked his other stuff. "I heard Hange forced you to go on a study date."

"I'm going to murder her." Levi turned, practically slamming his notebook into the desk. So hard that he could've sworn Mike jumped.

"Yeah what else is new?" He laughed trying to clear the air. "But did you at least get in close?"

Levi rolled his eyes. "She's.. there's this guy.."

Mike grew quiet for a few seconds. "You think she's with him?"

Levi normally wouldn't indulge Mike like this but his chest felt so tight that he was pretty sure he was going to burst. "She didn't seem happy to see him. She was like rolling her eyes when he came."

"Maybe he's just some guy then?"

"What if he isn't?"

"By the way you're describing it they'll break up soon anyway." Mike said "But that's great my plan worked."

Levi narrowed his eyes, "The library thing was you?"

Mike shrugged, "Hey, It could've been worse! Hange wanted to lock you guys in a supply closet for the night."

"Sleep with one eye open." Levi huffed, placing your phone down on his desk.

Mike immediately noticed, sitting up and placing his own phone to the side. "Don't tell me you murdered her and stole her phone for having a boyfriend that wasn't you." He chuckled

"Tch, she accidentally left it."

"How are you gonna return it?"

"I'll ask Hange for her dorm number tomorrow and I'll hand it over then."

"Ooo, well I would tell you not to go looking through her phone while you have it. But you're not like me so.." Mike shrugged, laying down with both hands holding his phone above his head.

Levi looked at Mike and then at your phone sitting on his desk. He silently looked away, putting away the rest of his stuff with a huff.

[crossdressingdeath]

It's interesting how I've seen lately a couple of people bringing up, here and there, how cql is at fault for jc stans' wrong stance on his character bc I have wanted to ask you for a while what were your thoughts on cql!jc in particular... I mean, I know cql isn't a fave of yours anyways so I thought maybe there was no point to it anyways.

And, the thing is, I haven't read mdzs yet and I've only watched the donghua and cql and still... I've always had mixed feelings about him, which is funny bc- yes, in the end, he was softened there but even with that fact, that didn't made me like him. Now, I do prefer cql's but like I said, it wasn't enough to like LIKE him. And after a bunch of musing about why it was like that, I think I found out why. You see, if I had to list my top 5 charas from this universe, that would be: xy, wwx, xxc, lwj and wn. So you can see it's not as if I have a type as in "I love villains and bad boys" OR "I have a soft spot for heroes and good boys", there IS variety in what I like but no matter what are the flaws in a character, jc had one that I particularly despise: he's ungrateful. And he was ungrateful in the most disgusting way. To a lot of people, to the wens, to wwx himself... So even if we don't see him doing the terrible things he did in the novel (which in the end, maybe I would care like, xy is my fave so srsly, it's not about morals as such but having characteristics that aren't my cup of tea) and being homophobic and all that, he has one of the worst traits someone can have imo which is ungratefulness.

Finally, another thing I noticed is how contradictory his character was regarding his feelings for wwx. Look, I lean more towards this not being wzc's fault but the script but, the thing with cql!jc was that you sometimes could feel he genuinely cared about wwx and two second later it was like he genuinely hated him ??? I can't help but think the reason was that the cql staff fell into their own trap of wanting to make him more sympathetic and likeable but since he still needed to be one of the main antagonists for the pilot's sake, it became this contradictory mess...

Yeah, my personal breaking point for JC is the homophobia (which show-only fans wouldn’t know about) but... he’s got a lot of aspects of his character that are going to be Too Much for a given person! He’s just one of those characters. And yeah, the ungratefulness is... a lot. But honestly CQL JC just confuses me. I don’t know what they were going for with him? On one hand they try really hard to focus on how he’s sad and conflicted in a way the novel doesn’t (because... well, he’s not either of those things in the novel) and they quietly drop the bit where he leads the slaughter of a civilian population because he’s decided that the only way to assuage the pain he feels about what happened to Lotus Pier is to inflict it on others, but on the other hand... he really does straight up tell a woman that she can either marry him or die and he won’t lift a finger to help her if she doesn’t give him what she wants (and won’t do anything for her family either way) despite having the necessary information to save her without marrying her. I can’t speak to the overall quality of WZC’s performance; personally I thought it was pretty bad (god, the overacting, please calm down sir, you look like you learned how to act from a kindergartner), but I’m hardly an expert. But yeah, definitely at least part of the issue was the script. I don’t think the writers were entirely sure what to do with a character like JC, who starts (chronologically) as an ally and gradually becomes an antagonist partway through. I don’t know how much of that was censorship and how much was poor writing, but “confused” is the word that comes to mind looking at JC’s CQL characterization. His role as an antagonist is too important to cut and relies too much on his relationship with WWX to give to someone else, but they either didn’t want or weren’t allowed to just make him an antagonist so we get this... weird, uncertain mix of “loving brother” and “open antagonist”. They wanted him to be a good guy, but the story wouldn’t allow that. This is a lesson about not trying to force an adaptation to obey what you want with zero regard for the source material, and definitely not without bothering to fit the rest of the story around that change.