#and questions himself on what the fuck he would have wanted from this random 14 year old

[kizashige]

got any thoughts abt kizami’s arc with yuka? i’d love to see some analysis on that portion of his character.

I think it is one of the most important parts of his character that is just soo misunderstood by both people who are not sympathetic to him and fans of his. a lot of people outright ignore his dynamic with yuka to make him more palatable of a character, which I understand why but I also don't agree with it. their dynamic is just so integral to understanding how kizami perceives himself.

yuka is kizami's ideal of a little sister, what a little sister represents to kizami is someone that is weaker and pitiable-- like he was when he was a child. I mentioned before on this blog how yuuya's own sense of masculinity was heavily influenced by how kouki treated him as a young child, how weak yuuya felt in those moments trying to fight back against his older brother. to be the younger sibling is to be helpless, to be the older sibling is to be the one in power. and that's something that kizami projects onto yuka, all the while presenting that projection also as a twisted form of redemption. and I am really sympathetic to that part of his character.

kizami views himself as someone incapable of human emotion and connection and it is again (ALWAYS!!!) related to how he was treated by his own siblings. his siblings may have cried over him and said that they love him, but how could he believe that when they would hit and yell at him at the same time? he was always aware of this juxtaposition and it only served to make him feel like he wasn't being accepted by his own family and therefore never could be by anyone.

at this line, he specifically says "ANIKI is not coming" in japanese, which is an informal term for an older brother and what yuuya refers to kouki with. I would really like to think he's subconsciously referencing kouki's own neglect when saying satoshi won't rescue yuka.

kizami simply wished his siblings had understood and took care of him. he wished he had his own younger sibling to look after to prove he would have been a better sibling than kouki and haruna ever were.

and of course, it gets really weird.

referencing a previous post I made about morishige and the whole gore fetishist/necro thing and how I find it kind of pointless to argue whether those labels are true or not, that is exactly how I feel with kizami in regards to his dynamic with yuka.

I hate when people reduce his role in the games to being some sort of lolicon, but at the same time I don't think the sexualization of yuka that is present in their dynamic invalidates reading it as some sort of reclamation of his own trauma. yes, it is obviously kedwin inserting his own fetish into the story, but to me the line of separation between the character and the creator is really arbitrary especially in fandom spaces. if anything, I wish this storyline really truly addressed how his obsession only objectified and stripped away yuka's identity for the sake of his own agenda.

instead they just make jokes later on about how he has little sister eroge games on his computer at home and it cheapens the meaning of what could be a honest dive into his psyche as a sick damaged teenager and I hate it. and I don't blame anyone else who does.

but on paper, the darkening twists the thoughts and feelings of a person in the worst way possible. so this desire to have power over someone else because he never had it when he was younger, to grow up in the shadows of his older siblings and be in their position for once, of course it would also just become another display of sadism from him. in a vacuum, it makes him an uncomfortable and nasty villain which also means it does work.

I just think if yuka herself actually had the agency or personality or design to be antithetical to what kizami wanted, those themes would have been much more obvious. that kizami IS just another victim of heavenly host who is misguidedly trying to find a way to redeem himself and to finally feel like an actual human.

[my-my-my]

KINKMAS DAY 2 (AKA KINKTOBER DAY 14) - Humiliation: Kisuke Urahara x Female Reader

Summary: It’s been centuries since Kisuke had a crush, and it had to be on a random customer. Crushes were irrational, but dealing with them by some “light” stalking and “deceptive” business practices, are totally logically, right?

TW: MDNI! Deception, cyber stalking, slight humiliation, more like reader is embarrassed around Kisuke since they both mutually have a crush on each other. Rope play, oral sex (male and female receiving), face fucking, anal fingering, use of pet names and dirty talk.

Word count: 3716

Read on AO3 here.

Kisuke stared at the blinking light on his phone, exhaling the smoke from his pipe as he looked back into the night sky. The moon shone brightly on Urahara Shoten, and in the distance, partygoers, night owls and everyone in between, were enjoying themselves. Normally, Kisuke would persuade Tessai, Jinta and Ururu to coax bystanders for some late-night shopping, but Kisuke was preoccupied tonight, as he watched the blinking light move around on the map.

He was distracted. He was anxious. He was confused.

The logical side that Kisuke operated on almost 99.9% of the time knew that this was a crush. A simple, childish crush on a random customer.

He found himself thinking of all the possibilities of having you visit his store again. Of hearing your voice, of seeing you smile and laugh. Kisuke could effortlessly lay plans, miniscule in size, but pushing you into a domino effect leading back to him.

But his feelings for you made him restless.

It left him uncomfortable.

He easily laughed and flirted with you at the store. Yet you were so kind and took him stride. Your gaze was gentle as you listened to him earnestly. Kisuke was always one for pranks, and yet… he felt nervous. His cheeks would be tinted pink as you listened to him try to tease you, and you politely following along. How you would ask him questions about the various Shinigami items, not knowing their true value. How your eyes lit up at what he shared. You were curious, kind and gentle.

Kisuke exhaled more smoke from his pipe. You were so different from him, yet so alike in wanting to know and understand the world around you.

This anxiety reminded him of when he first became captain. The side-stepping and uncertainty of how he stood as a captain of a squad, and the fallout that came from the Vizard incident. It left Kisuke perplexed.

Although… that wasn’t quite true. The discomfort he was feeling wasn’t quite like that time when he was younger.

Maybe it was the fact he saw you smile at someone else, another mere human. A smile different from the one you gave him. In a bizarre twist of fate, seeing you chatting with another man at a café. You were laughing, touching the stranger’s arm, smiling brightly while Kisuke watched in the distance. Kisuke felt strangely humiliated. Was he not special in your eyes?

But Kisuke was not one to dwell on his feelings. His immediate remedy was to share a bottle of sake with another woman. He charmed his way between her legs, as he watched her bob her head up and down his cock, all the while thinking of you. He wondered if making a gigai of you would solve his problems…

But all of this was foolish Kisuke realized. While he was certain he could make a physical replica of you, your soul was another thing entirely.

And besides, wasn’t the real person better than any gigai? He mused to himself, wondering what perfection and imperfection he would fail to capture if he even attempted making a replica of you.

And now at Urahara Shoten, under the brightly lit moon, Kisuke would anxiously watch the little marker of you creep closer to the shop.

Your first visit to the store was seared into his memory. You took your time to inspect everything, curiosity shining bright in your eyes. You didn’t hesitate to ask him questions, and you were generous in what you had bought. You asked if he had a newsletter or something so you could sign up for “deals and sales” (as if he had any to begin with).

“My, my” Kisuke waved his fan, trying to hide the blush on his face as his eyes drifted to your cleavage. “I do have a newsletter, my dear.” He gave a sweet smile as he conjured a fake piece of paper behind him. “Scan the QR code, and you can input your email for our newsletter.” It was so easy for him to lie; it was second nature really. Yet you didn’t hesitate as you pulled out your phone and scanned the fake code, that let him have access to your email and number.

Of course he didn’t have a newsletter, yet he created one tailored just for you. Of things that would interest you, of things that would make you visit him. You were so ecstatic with everything he offered.

Yet it wasn’t enough. He mused, thinking what that stranger had compared to him, a “mere honest, handsome, perverted businessman.” (To which you had laughed at.)

Kisuke entered his shop and milled around, when the familiar sound of the door charm rang.

“How late do you keep your shop open for, Urahara-san?” You asked as you quietly entered the store. And as if on cue, Kisuke whipped out his fan and fanned himself.

“Friday nights are a good source of customers, my dear.” He teased, his eyes filled with mirth. “I mean you’re here, are you not?”

You laughed, “I suppose that’s true.”

“Were you out tonight?” Kisuke asked casually, but his eyes were focused on you, inspecting your figure as you picked up your favourite candy.

“Sort of, but my plans kind of fell through.” You sighed, your voice despondent. Was that disappointment he heard?

“I’ve been told I’m excellent listener, if you want me to lend an ear.” Kisuke lied, smiling as you looked at him with hesitancy.

“No, it’s ok, Urahara-san. It’s pretty silly, I don’t want to take up your time.” You gave him an apologetic smile, “but thank you for the offer.”

“You won’t be taking any of my time.” Kisuke said, as he came closer to you. You couldn’t help but look away as his presence drew closer. It surprised you by how big he was, so you tried to ignore his growing presence by reading the ingredient list of some random candy box.

“I’ll be closing up shop in a few minutes.” Kisuke said, watching you. Lowering his voice, he whispered, “but I have a bottle of sake we can share, since the night is still young.” He smiled, seeing your eyes widen.

“Oh no, save that for yourself!” You nervously laughed.

“Then how about…” Kisuke paused, tapping his fan to his chin, “you can have any drink and snack here free of charge!” He grinned, as you stared at him in surprise.

“Really? Any?” You exclaimed, then narrowed your eyes, “there’s no hidden cost?”

Kisuke gave a wink, as he ushered you to the back of the store. He had spun kido to the entrance to lock the store for the remainder of the night.

With your favourite drink in hand, you were surprised to see a small table ready with sake and two cups. You felt slightly guilty for rejecting his sake offer, but you weren’t in the mood for alcohol tonight.

It was strange, to be so close to Urahara-san, you thought. He made himself comfortable and poured out his cup of a sake and took a sip, as you took a sip of your own drink. The two of you sat in comfortable silence. He had on his loose fitting samue, his bare chest right in front of your view, and his face remained unshaven, yet the bucket hat was gone. His blonde locks looked unkempt, yet his grey eyes appeared focused and clear.

“So what happened today?” Kisuke said, looking straight into your eyes.

You felt like the room was getting smaller. Was this Kisuke being serious? He looked concerned for you.

And now you felt even guiltier.

“Oh this is so stupid.” You muttered.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Kisuke said, “you can tell me anything.”

“Promise you won’t laugh?” You asked, nervously.

“Your secret is safe with me.” He winked at you again. He’s too handsome… you thought.

Taking a deep breath, you matched his stare, “I was meeting up with someone who I thought had a mutual interest in an activity,” Kisuke raised his eyebrows, as your voice began to waver, “but they had someone else.”

“What was the activity?” Kisuke asked, as he leaned his face closer to your side of the table. You felt your body grow hot and out of nervousness, you gripped on to his table as you tried to steel yourself.

“Iwannabetiedup.” You stammered. Your body felt on fire from what you just shared.

“And they weren’t interested in it?” Kisuke asked, without missing a beat.

“Oh well… they said they were into it, but then they said they met someone else… so I never really tried it with them.” You lowered your gaze, taking a swig from your drink. It wasn’t like there were feelings involved, you tried to rationalize, just two people who had similar interests and need to scratch the same itch. “I guess I’m kind of disappointed.” You sighed, “I was looking forward to it.”

“Were you interested because of them?” Kisuke asked.

You shook your head quickly, “not really.”

“If you’re interested in ropes and being tied…” Kisuke took another sip of sake, smirking at all the ideas he had formulating now. “I can help you with that.”

You spat out your drink, “what?!”

“I said I can help you with that.” He gave you a cheerful smile.

You had never felt this kind of embarrassment before, Urahara-san was a sweet, intelligent shopkeeper.

“…mere honest, handsome, perverted businessman”

Those words rang clear in your head as you snapped back to look at him. Perverted??

Well, yes, you did catch him a few times staring at your chest, or how intensely he would look at you whenever you shopped.

You both sat in silence as you mulled over your thoughts. “Have you done this before?”

“Tying up beautiful women? You’d be the first.” Kisuke teased, grinning wide at you.

“Somehow, I doubt that, but no, I meant using ropes in general.”

Kisuke gave you a gentle smile as he reached out across the table to squeeze your hand, “yes. You can trust me.”

And with that, he escorted you to another area behind his store.

You didn’t expect Urahara Shoten to have such a massive, underground space, yet here you were. The shop was so small on the outside, yet this area was huge. But before you could ask any questions, you entered a room, with a modest sized bed, closet, desk, and lamp.

“Please sit on the bed, my dear.” Kisuke said, leading you towards it. As you sat, you watched him rummage through his closet, where pulled out a brilliant red rope.

Your mind was racing thinking of what was going to happen, so much so that you didn’t hear Kisuke’s question.

He gave you another gentle smile and repeated his question, “do you want to keep your clothes on or off as I tie you up?”

Your mouth became dry and you became nervous again. It had been a while since you were last intimate with someone, and for some reason, you felt self-conscious in front of Urahara-san. When you looked up at him, you immediately noticed the lecherous glint in his eyes.

And without a word, you took off your clothes, avoiding his gaze. You sat nude on his bed, giving him a shy smile.

“Before we start. Let’s have some rules.” Kisuke murmured, cupping your face in the palm of his hand. His thumb ran over your lips as he continued to speak, “I won’t gag you tonight, so think of two words. One to say when you’re hesitant, another to say when you want me to stop.”

You nodded your head, “how about ‘candy’ and ‘rice’?”

Kisuke chuckled, “perfect. How are you feeling now?”

“A bit nervous, but I trust you.”

Kisuke gave you another smile and gently kissed you on the lips. You threw your arms around his neck, pulling him down on to the bed with you. You passionately kissed him back, but he pulled away.

“I want you to put your arms behind you and spread your legs.” You nodded and complied with his requests. You held your breath in as you felt him secure your arms together, forcing your chest out.

“Can you flex your fingers?” Kisuke asked, as you easily moved your fingers. Your wrists were tied securely, but not to the point of damage.

Kisuke moved down your body, kissing different parts as he placed and secured your body. Your legs were bounded to the corners of the bed, but there was still more rope. Kisuke took the remaining piece and snapped it, inspecting it with great detail, before locking eyes with you. He gave you a mischievous smirk as he made knots to the rope, then tying them between your breasts, with the final piece… your eyes widened as you watched his hand reach down between your legs.

“CANDY!” You shouted, forcing Kisuke to stop.

“What’s wrong?” Embarrassment filled you as Kisuke looked at you with concern.

“I just needed a bit of a breather” you murmured, eyes casting downwards. “Can I have another kiss?” You asked.

Kisuke chuckled, “just a kiss?” watching you avoid his gaze. But he steadied himself between your legs and kissed you deeply on the lips. He slowly pulled away, watching you try to catch your breath. “May I continue?” Kisuke asked, kissing you gently on your forehead.

You took another deep breath, but looked straight at him, “yes.”

Kisuke nodded and firmly held the rope and placed it between your wet folds. His eyes were concentrated, although you swore you briefly saw a flash of appreciation. You whimpered as the red rope rubbed your clit, while Kisuke secured it back to your tied arms.

Kisuke moved away from the bed. You blushed deeply as you saw him gaze at your body with such intensity. He wasn’t appreciating his handiwork, but you. His lust-blown grey eyes were feeding off every inch of your body, and the ropes and bindings amplified your breasts, thighs and ass that drove him mad.

“Urahara-san…” you murmured, flexing your fingers and toes as your body relished at the feeling of being bounded like this.

“Please, call me Kisuke.” He smiled at you fondly.

“Kisuke, can I try something else with you?” You asked, trying to arch your body to get a better look at him.

He gave you a sly smile. “I think I know what it is you want to try.”

You gulped as he began to slide his samue off his shoulders, revealing broad shoulders and chest, and firm abdomen, with hair leading down beneath his pants. You licked your lips as you watched his hand hover the drawstring of his pants, before he undid them, pushing aside his briefs, leaving him as nude as you.

Kisuke grabbed his cock, as he lazily pumped himself, watching you stare at him. You weren’t shy about it at all, with the way your eyes were glazed, licking your lips fervently. He climbed back into bed and straddled your face between his legs, his cock hovering just above your lips.

“This is what you wanted to try, yes?” He asked, amusement filling his voice. You nodded your head and opened your mouth, sucking the tip of his cock with enthusiasm.

Kisuke smiled and patted your hair as you tried to take him deeper. With your arms behind your back, your legs bounded, your upper body strength was limited. Kisuke threaded his fingers in your hair, gently holding your scalp as he guided you further down his length. He let out an appreciative groan, moaning your name as you took him to the base.

Then he pulled you away, watching strands of your saliva link you to his erection. Your breathing was heavy, but you looked up at him with an intense wanton look. Kisuke smirked at the sight, grabbing his cock and gently tapping your face and lips with it.

“Are you a greedy slut for any cock? Or just mine.”

You tried to swipe your tongue on his cock each time it came close to your lips, whining when he would pull it away from you.

“Yours!” You whined again, as you tried to make your body move forward to taste him again.

“So honest,” he laughed, a fiendish smile appearing on his face, “but since you answered honestly, you get a reward.” To which he placed his cock back on your lips, and you happily took him again. You moaned around him as he guided you down his cock again but winced when his grip tightened.

Your eyes rolled as you felt him slam his cock down your throat, fucking you with your face. But without warning, he let go, your head falling back to the bed as he slapped your face with his saliva-covered cock.

Kisuke didn’t say anything as he moved back down your body. He roughly grabbed and massaged your breasts, pinching your nipples before taking turns to suck on each one. His mind already wandered to the kinds of devices he’ll have on hand to clamp them next time.

Kiss after kiss, nip after nip, Kisuke traveled down to your sopping wet pussy. Your juices soaked the rope to a deeper red.

“My, my, you really are a rope slut aren’t you.” Kisuke teased, gently tugging the rope, earning more moans from you. He hooked a finger under the piece of rope to see your slick, dripping cunt. He immediately kissed your clit, lapping at it with fervor. He traced his finger around your wet hole, satisfied with how wet you were. You were crying out his name, bucking your hips, but the ropes provided little relief.

Kisuke stopped his ministrations, as he felt your legs quiver and body tense. Your orgasm was approaching, but he wanted to savour you for longer. He lifted his head and looked down at you. Your body was now covered in bite marks, and deep red markings from where the rope had shifted in place.

You were magnificent, and all his.

“Princess, do you want me to continue?” He asked, as he caressed your saliva and tear covered cheek.

“Yes, please Kisuke.”

He pulled the piece of rope aside from your pussy and lined his cock to your entrance. In one swift thrust, he entered you, moaning your name as you tightened around him.

With heavy-lidded eyes, Kisuke relished the feeling of you around him. You felt so full on the other hand. Although you were soaking wet, your sensitive pussy felt stretched full from his heavy, thick cock. Kisuke shuddered as you tightened again, as he began to slowly roll his hips.

But before you could get used to it, Kisuke stopped and pulled away.

“Kisuke, please!” You begged, confused as to why he stopped so suddenly. His cock was still erect and now covered in your juices. Without so much a word, he moved down to your legs, undoing the bindings. Yet before you could flex and roll your feet, he flipped you over on the bed.

“Keep your legs together, my dear.” Kisuke instructed, to which you obeyed. You felt the rope now wrapped around your ankles as he tied them together, but he also undid the rope slipped between your pussy and ass.

Hovering above you, Kisuke spread your ass cheeks apart, seeing the puckered hole. He would have another device ready for your ass for another time, tonight your pussy was the sole focus of his “research.”

He pushed his cock through your pussy again, earning another moan from you. Kisuke didn’t pause like last time though, he immediately began thrusting in and out of your pussy, his hips snapping against you.

Letting go of your bottom, Kisuke reached forward and grabbed your hair, pulling you back. He smirked as he watched your eyes roll, a small trickle of drool escaping your lips as you moaned his name.

Kisuke’s thrusts were relentless as he quickened his pace. He pushed his body weight on top of you, every so often lifting himself up to spank your bottom. Your mind was in a frenzy, as you felt something play with your clit, while having Kisuke fill your pussy continuously. You were lost to the pleasure, as Kisuke pulled orgasms out of your body as if he knew exactly where to push your limit. You also felt the faint pressure of his thumb near your asshole, but the simultaneous sensations from your clit and his cock clouded your mind.

Kisuke smirked as his thumb pushed its way into your ass, you moaned again. You turned your head to look at him, but Kisuke grabbed your head and pushed you down into the mattress, increasing his thrusts.

Your eyes rolled again as another orgasm ripped through your body. The obscene sound of Kisuke’s cock stuffing your pussy filled your ears, along with his pants and moans. You vaguely felt him shudder, pulling himself out of your sore pussy. You whined at the loss, before you felt hot splatter land on your pussy and ass, and the familiar pressure of his thumb and another finger pushing his cooling cum into your ass and pussy.

Closing your eyes, you felt Kisuke’s hand over your own arms, as the ropes slide off your body. He gently massaged your wrists and ankles, kissing them tenderly. Your body was sore, as your eyes fluttered to stay awake.

“I should…” you murmured, struggling to get up, “go home.”

Kisuke patted your head gently whispering your name softly, “you’re in no shape to go home. You’re staying the night.”

“Too much” you yawned, “trouble for you, Kisuke?”

Kisuke gave you a teasing smile, “no trouble for me.” His hands wandered down your ass, giving them a soft squeeze, “but you can ‘thank’ me in the morning.”

You yawned again, as sleep began to fill your mind, “you really are…” you mumbled, as Kisuke tucked himself next to you, wrapping his arms around your body, “a handsome, perverted businessman.” You murmured into his chest.

“I said I was honest too.” He laughed, kissing the top of your head, but you were already asleep.

Oh well, Kisuke thought. His mind racing at all the other things you two could try together.

Wow, finally. We're nearing the end. Took me 3 months to write 15 chapters, jesus lol.

The chapter title on AO3 is from Desire's song, "Under Your Spell," but I was also listening to Kensuke Ushio's "Supernatural Power" as well while writing the latter half of this chapter.

I struggled with this prompt at first. The original plan for this prompt was WILDLY different. I was originally thinking of humiliation where Kisuke is being humiliated, but my sister and I were talking about this, how do you humiliate someone who is... pretty much shameless? It was hard for me to grasp.

The first draft I wrote for this prompt was something along the lines where Kisuke is a serial cheater on reader. I do plan on posting that one, but more as a one-shot with possibly no smut. I'm still undecided lol.

Thanks for your patience and for reading! The final chapter is AIZEN!!!!!!!

[wasawattpadkid]

Housewife

Part - 14

Summery: Billy and Stu have been planning these murders for quite some time. Everything is going to plan until you show up. What happens when they meet someone who is just as mentally deluded as they are?

Pairing: Poly! ghostface x fem!reader

Warnings for this series: ⚠️smut 18+⚠️ murder, blood, smut (will be more in depth on smut chapters), power dynamics, a dash of sexism, knives, stalking, perverse behavior, cheating, homophobic slang, explicit boyxboy, oral (male and fem! receiving), fingering (fem! receiving), the word "rapist" is used once as a joke by Stu way before any smut begins, p in v, safe sex, foul language, voyeurism (?)

Part 1

The car purred as they drove down the highway. You were cuddled up in the back with Stu as Billy drove home. "Do you love me?" The question was so random Billy almost thought he was hearing things. "Huh?" Stu patted your hair as he looked out the window. "It's fine if you don't, I just wanted to know." It wasn't fine if he didn't. Stu knew he loved Billy unconditionally. It was almost obsessive the way he adored that boy. As Stu looked at your sleeping form he started to think about how he felt like he loved you. It wasn't the same sort of love he had for Billy. No, he hadn't known you long enough to feel that way. Stu would kill for you but that didn't mean much coming from him. He knew if a car was coming towards you he'd push you out of the way even if it meant killing him. Was that love or just being suicidal?

Billy looked at his friend in the mirror seeing his gaze focused outside. "Why would you ask that?" Billy wasn't mad or upset by the question just startled. He didn't do feelings. Sure, he had them but he wishes he didn't. They tend to overcomplicate things.

"I don't see how this relationship is going to work out if you don't love me. I've seen the way you look at her. Tonight when we were playing games at the arcade you stared at her like she was the only person on earth. You don't look at me like that. I-I just need to know if it's because I'm not new or you don't love me."

His words were strange to Billy. Never in their expansive time of knowing each other did they have heart to hearts. Billy was raised not to cry and not to reach out. Being upset meant you were acting like a child. "To be honest I don't know." Billy tried to pick his words carefully not because he was trying to manipulate but rather because he was trying to tell the truth. After so many lies he found it hard to understand what the truth was. "You don't know?" Stu couldn't grasp how someone couldn't know if they were in love or not.

"I don't know. I thought I loved Sydney but maybe I did get bored. You know that scares the shit out of me. Getting tired of you and Y/n? What if I wake up one day and the smell of her cooking disgusts me? What- what if I can't stand the sound of your voice anymore? I don't want to lose this. I had the best time of my fucking life tonight but oh it might not matter down the road because I got too comfortable." Billy's hand hit the steering wheel in anger. The more Billy talked the more he pissed himself off. Stu tilted his head like a dog processing everything he just learned. "You love us." Stu said a smile playing at his lips. Billy's face contorted in confusion. He just hit the steering wheel in anger but Stu was in the back seat blushing.

"How do you know?" Billy turned the corner focusing back on the road. "If you're worried about losing us then obviously you love us at least a little bit." Billy doubted it was that simple. Nothing ever was. Stu was always an optimistic person. He thought everything would work out eventually. That's not how life worked. "If you say so." The car pulled into the driveway and then the garage. "She's still asleep should I wake her up?" Billy shook his head. "No she's been taking care of our asses all week she needs the rest. Just pack her upstairs and put her to bed." Stu gently pulled you out of the car carrying you like a bride into the house.

Carefully he made it up the steps watching so he wouldn't accidentally hit your head. He nudged your bedroom door open with his boot trying not to make too much noise. Stu laid you in bed as comfortably as he could. You looked so peaceful to him. He pulled the covers up over you making sure to tuck you in. Stu pressed a kiss to your forehead before he left the room shutting the door behind him.

"She still asleep?" Billy asked as he folded up the basket of laundry you left out. "I thought she was dead for a second." The joke went over Billy's head causing concern. "I'm kidding she's fine. She drools in her sleep." Stu said making Billy laugh. "Did you have fun tonight?" The dark-haired boy was trying to make this work. Stu sat on the couch leaving Billy to fold up clothes. "I had a wonderful time especially since I absolutely demolished your ass in Mortal Kombat." Billy just rolled his eyes telling himself he let his partner win. "You looked good tonight." Stu glanced up in shock. He wasn't the complimenting type and he sure as hell never complimented Stu.

Billy kept his eyes on the clothes not wanting to make eye contact with Stu. This was what actual couples did right? "Thank you." The room was silent. Stu thought of his words before he said them. "You looked handsome tonight too." Handsome. The word made something turn inside Billy. For a second it felt like he couldn't breathe. Maybe he was going to vomit? "Thanks." Was all Billy could come with. It was unbearably awkward but Stu couldn't help but smile. "Do you need help folding? I can't do shirts but I can do pants."

You woke up in a hot sweat. It felt like you had died. If someone asked what year it was you couldn't tell them. The last thing you remember was eating food at a restaurant with Billy and Stu. "Damnit." You rubbed your eyes trying to see in the dark room. The clock said it was 11 o'clock but it felt like you'd been asleep for days. You threw on an unflattering nightgown before you headed downstairs. The boys laughed while watching some loud TV show.

"She's alive!" Stu exclaimed like he was Dr. Frankenstein. "How'd you sleep?" Billy asked looking at your disheveled state. "Water." You rasped walking like the grim reaper over to the sink. Cold tap water seemed to coat your throat helping you wake up just a little bit more. You walked over to the couch throwing yourself on top of the men. "What are you watching?" You asked as Stu giggled at some guy getting hit over the head on screen. "The Monkees! It comes on your old lady channel. I haven't seen it since I was a kid." You looked over at Billy seeing him shrug his shoulders. "He's been laughing for the past 30 minutes."

"You're not hard to please huh?" Stu pinched the tip of your nose. "Obviously not, I'm with you aren't I?" You faked a laugh as you stared at the tv. Stu's hand ran up and down your leg just like it had the first night they came over. His eyes were glued to the TV laughing every time something even remotely funny happened. Billy would chuckle just because his friend was laughing. There was something different between them but you couldn't put your finger on it. The date night you had might've had some effect. All three of you felt closer, it felt more normal if that was even a possibility.

"I think I want to have sex with you two." You blurted making both men freeze. You immediately covered your face regretting speaking. "Like right now?" Stu asked ready to strip. "No, well, oh I don't know." You groaned with embarrassment. Billy stayed quiet letting you say everything you wanted to. You sat up on the couch looking at the two men sitting beside each other. "Couples have sex right?" They nodded in unison. "We're like a couple right?" They nodded even quicker trying to fill in the blanks for you. "So we should have sex-" Stu reached to take off his shirt but you stopped him. "At some point." You finished making the boy frown.

"Why'd you bring this up?" Billy asked. Between you and Stu randomly bringing up touchy subjects he was liable to get whiplash. You rubbed your face with your hands trying to get a grip. "I was just thinking about it. I have been... thinking about it." Stu knew if anyone could overcomplicate sex it'd be you. "Guys I'm scared."

It was the honest truth. You were terrified. "Of what?" The tone Stu had seemed to dismiss whatever emotion you felt. "Nothing it's dumb." You stood up only to be pulled back down by Billy. "No talk to us. What are you scared of?" Billy made demanding eye contact with you just to show he took this conversation seriously this time. "You?" The word came out like a question. That question seemed to negatively affect both boys. Stu was gutted that you were scared of him even worse that it was sex-related. You grabbed Billy and Stu's hands not wanting them to think it was all their fault. "Men in general are scary. I'm not scared of you exactly more of what you could do." That somehow made less sense to them both.

"Stu, do you remember the other night when we were wrestling?" He smiled remembering how funny that whole thing was. "Yeah, I beat your ass." He said proudly. Billy seemed to understand what you were getting at by Stu's response. "I could give it my all and you both could still trap me. I don't stand a chance and it's frightening. What if in the middle of it all you decide to-" Billy moved forward putting both of his hands on your arms. "We would never do that." Stu scoffed sitting up next to you. "Yeah we may be killers but we're not rapists." Billy looked at Stu like he could kill him making the boy sit back and shut up.

"Y/n I'm really trying," Billy spoke as you nodded. "I've noticed." He smiled continuing his speech. "I don't and would never want to hurt you. That night that Stu's place I couldn't put you through that pain." He gestured to your closed-up wound. "I know but I joke around a lot. I say I'm into chains and whips but I'm scared of all of that. I don't want to feel like I'm stuck and with two of you it's pretty damn intimidating." You had got this idea in your head that anything intimate with the men would leave you used and torn apart.

"I joke around like crazy you don't think I'm being serious do you?" Both you and Billy looked at Stu. "Wow tell me what you really think." You laughed making Stu smile at his accomplishment. "Hey." Billy's hand rested on the side of your face pulling your attention back to him. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Do you understand?" The words were sharp but they weren't angry. Billy meant what he said. As long as he was living no one would lay a finger on you besides him and Stu. You nodded as he smiled. "Wait so are we sleeping together or?" Stu was just really confused. Before Billy could smack him you stood up. "I'm going to take a shower and freshen up. You two can do whatever you want." Without looking at the men you walked upstairs heading to your bathroom.

Billy jumped off the couch making Stu sit up. "What? What's wrong?" Stu asked looking up at the man. "She said she's going to freshen up." Billy shook his hands for emphasis. He could see Stu simply wasn't getting it. "That's like the universal term for "we're going to have sex." How do you not know that?" Stu stood up a small "pfft" leaving his mouth. "No the universal term for we're going to have sex is "Hey we're going to have sex."" Billy's palm slapped his forehead before dragging down his face. "Listen just go clean up and change I'm going to take care of a couple things." With a nod, Stu went off to his room.

Billy waited on the stairs till he heard the water start to run. Your room was empty but the record you played was loud. The Smashing Pumpkins vinyl spun around letting Billy's favorite song play. He could barely hear you humming the words in the bathroom. You remembered. That fact made his heart seem to swell. It wasn't what you normally listened to. All he heard the past week was what you called "classics." Now there you were in the privacy of your room listening to his favorite album. With a smile, he got to work. The first thing he did was make your bed. Once it was neat he made sure the room looked comfortable. He noticed the candle you had sitting on your dresser. Billy headed downstairs to ask Stu for his lighter.

Stu's bedroom door opened hitting Billy with a cloud of cologne. "Jesus fucking Christ!" The boy cursed waving a hand in front of his face. "Too much?" Stu asked innocently. Billy huffed not having time to deal with him. "She's not going to let you in the room let alone her bed smelling like that." Stu thought he smelt good, you had complimented him on his cologne before. "Change your shirt and pants and air out this damn room." Billy was about to leave before remembering why he came down there in the first place. "Oh, I need your lighter." Stu dug through his dresser tossing the skull-covered lighter to the man. "What do you need that for?" Stu pointed towards the object. "I'm going to light a candle." Stu held up his hand covering his mouth with a laugh. Billy's face dropped at his friend's laughter. "Shut it fuckrag." Billy pointed at Stu but it didn't stop him from laughing.

Upstairs you had already stepped out of the shower pulling the cap off your head. You hung the shower cap up before wrapping a towel around your frame. You didn't know what to expect. Billy's little speech downstairs did wonders for your nerves. Were you still terrified? Yes but for some dumb reason, you trusted them. You had this nagging feeling you'd regret it. You willed yourself to believe in the fantasy land you've created. Sex wasn't something you'd grown accustomed to. That day playing truth or dare barely felt real. There wasn't much emotion behind it just teenage hormones. You weren't upset about it you just hoped this would be different. As your skin dried off you slipped a pair of underwear on covering them with one of Stu's shirts.

Billy sat at the edge of your bed biting his nails. He had to repeatedly tell himself he was trying to be better, to do what you asked. As you walked out of the bathroom he stood up. You could tell he was nervous by the way his eyes darted back and forth between you and the door. "I thought we could talk. You like talks right?" His smile was tight as he raised his eyebrows. You saw your bedroom door was closed completely leaving Stu out of the conversation. "I'm fine with talking but we made it a rule to include everyone when we talked." Billy watched as you walked over to your record player. The way you took care of the fragile vinyl said something about your character, at least he thought it did. "I know but I already asked Stu if it was okay and he said it was."

"I get that but we should have conversations together." Billy grew impatient. "Just!" The word was loud scaring him when he said it. You looked at him waiting for him to fix his tone before speaking to you. "Just.. please? I need to talk to you alone." You put the record on the shelf debating on talking to him in private. Billy was a complicated man. You didn't want to throw away the chance of getting him to open up. "Okay. What do you need to talk about?" You walked over to Billy's side sitting down with him at the foot of the bed. "You want this to be equal. Meaning this is a group effort right?"

"This?" You asked as Billy's leg bounced with anxiety. That little voice in his head told him he couldn't do this. "Sex." Was all he said. "I would like it to be that way, yes. I don't want anyone feeling left out." He nodded understanding what you meant. You couldn't begin to grasp how difficult this conversation was to him.

"Look if you want us to sleep with you that's fine but I don't want this thing me and Stu do to disturb you." His wording was intentional. To him sex with you was normal but sex with Stu was just a "thing." It was shameful to him. "I-I um..." He ran a hand through his hair keeping his eyes on the ground. "I don't want you to look at me differently after this." You didn't know what to say to make it better. There was no easy fix. Billy raised his arms in surprise as you wrapped your arms around him. His arms slowly found their way around you hugging you back. It was comforting. Billy didn't like hugs. This one however made him feel safe. You had him and you weren't letting go. Who he is didn't seem to bother you and knowing that lifted a weight off his shoulders. "Should I let Stu in now?" He spoke gently.

You nodded pulling back from the boy. Billy stood up opening the bedroom door. Stu came tumbling into the room. "I didn't hear anything." He swore picking himself off the ground. "Not for lack of trying." You smiled knowing Stu was eavesdropping. Billy made sure to close the door behind Stu locking it in place. The action wasn't lost on you. Something was different. Billy had no problem with what happened in your living room just weeks ago. The fact he was locking your bedroom door knowing no one else was in the house was odd. It was for security you supposed. The reassurance that no one could walk in. Your curtains were also closed but you knew you left them open just a few hours earlier.

"Here ya go." Stu pitched Billy a small bottle. "What's that?" You asked getting a quick and easy answer from Stu. "Oh, it's lube." He pulled two condoms from his pocket sitting them on your nightstand. You were out of your element. "If you don't want to do this I need you to let me know." Stu said wanting your full consent. This was a first for all of you, he didn't want to mess it up. "I want this, it just feels like you're both prepping for surgery."

Billy held the bottle in tight hands hoping to warm up the cold liquid inside. Stu chuckled finding his spot next to you on the bed. "I get that trust me but none of us here want kids yet and the lube is just to make sure you're comfortable."

Yet. The word pulled at pieces of Billy's brain. The thought of having kids was not something he wanted to worry about right now. With a shake of the head, he walked over to both of you. "Listen, we don't have to do this." Billy still had this unremitting feeling that things would change. You'd see him as some perverted homo and wouldn't want him near you again. He was ashamed of who he was and what he did but if you wanted this he'd do it. Both men looked at you trying to pick up on any signs of hesitation.

Stu was careful about consent the last time anything happened between the three of you. His behavior hadn't changed any. Billy's new behavior was something to get used to. His nail-biting, soft-spoken nature was different than the rude and demanding one you had got to know. "I want to do this but if one of you is uncomfortable we can just go to bed. You don't have to sleep downstairs." The promise of just sleeping next to you was tempting for Billy. He knew this would have to happen sooner or later. "I'm ready whenever you two are." Stu said as he peeled his shirt off. Billy slipped the bottle into his pocket before leaning down to you.

"I need you to say it."

His face was serious but not cold. "Say what?" The air between you two was nearly suffocating. Billy's voice was low as he spoke. "I need you to say you want this, you want me." Billy's hands rubbed the soft skin on your thighs as Stu stripped down to his underwear. You looked at his hands the eye contact quickly becoming intimidating. "I want-"

"Look at me, please." With a shaky breath, you looked back up meeting Billy's eyes. "I need this. I need you, Billy." There it was. That possessive glint you'd seen before. Any minute now he'd be demanding and rough. His lips softly pressed against yours. The kiss was slow and careful. Billy tried to remember the way your lips felt in case you threw him out after tonight. His tongue swiped across your bottom lip signaling your lips to part. Billy pulled away smiling at the love-drunk look on your face. "Let me help with that." Stu helped pull your shirt over your head leaving you in just your panties. "I was right. You look even better out of my shirt." Stu said making your cheeks heat up. Billy's shirt was the next to go. Stu cupped your chin before leaning in to kiss you. It was hungrier than the kiss before.

Billy watched his two partners with some semblance of pride. They were his. For how long he wasn't sure. In the end, it didn't matter because right now in this bedroom, he had them and for some reason, they agreed to have him. Stu squeezed your breast making a small noise leave your lips. Billy went back to work pulling down the fabric that hugged your hips. You raised up just enough to make his job easier. He tossed the underwear in the same spot his shirt had landed.

Stu laid back on the bed taking you with him. For a split second, you forgot Billy was even there. He made his presence known by pressing a kiss to your abdomen. Then another on your hip. Stu broke the kiss watching the scene next to him. You looked down at Billy as he littered your skin with kiss after kiss. He eventually made his way down pressing a kiss on your folds. Stu saw the way your chest jumped ever so slightly. He wondered if he told you how beautiful you were today but even if he did it wasn't nearly enough. As Billy's tongue ran up and down your folds, his eyes flickered up toward Stu. Your soft moans accompanied by Billy's gaze made his cock twitch. Stu picked your hand up moving it where he needed you most. Softly you began rubbing him through his boxers feeling him strain against the fabric. The moan that came from Stu made you continue your movements. It was hard to focus with Billy going at you like a man starved. Billy's eyes would go back and forth mainly focused on the man you helped please.

Being watched stirred something in Stu and Billy noticed. The short-haired boy removed his underwear with haste needing to feel you against his skin. Your hand wrapped perfectly around his cock. The pumps were gentle at first not knowing what Stu liked. His moans and the quiet chant of your name kept your hand moving. Billy pulled your clit between his lips making your back arch off the bed. Stu let out a lustful cry at the feeling of your hand squeezing around him. You didn't mean to do it at first but the new information only helped you tease him. Every few pumps you'd gently squeeze his cock earning a beautiful sound from Stu each time.

Billy's tongue continued its assault as he slowly pushed two fingers into your cunt. Hearing the sounds you made mixed with Stu's was enough to make him cum right then and there. It took everything in him not to. Billy smiled against you feeling your hips try to meet the thrust of his fingers. He doubted you were even aware of what you were doing. Too busy pleasing the man next to you. Your free hand tugged on Billy's hair needing more of him. Billy pulled out his fingers before moving to stand up. You groaned at the loss. With his eyes on you, Billy sucked his fingers clean of your slick even a soft moan could be heard like it was the best thing he's ever tasted.

"We've got to take turns right? Everything has to be fair and equal?" He teased moving in front of Stu. The boy looked at Billy silently asking him if he was sure he wanted to do this. Billy motioned his head upwards telling Stu to sit up. The boy complied sitting on the edge of the bed. You sat up making sure you didn't miss anything. Billy took a deep breath seeing you watch him. He knelt in front of Stu grabbing the man's erection. "Ah!" Stu exclaimed looking down at the man in front of him. With a trained hand, Billy stroked Stu's cock.

You squeezed your thighs together at the sight. Billy leaned forward spitting on the tip letting the liquid run slowly down the veins. Using his hand he pumped Stu's cock the spit making it easier for his hand to slide up and down. He knew what spots to pay attention to. Stu's moans were louder than before. His abs were prominent as his muscles tightened. Billy with a sly grin licked a stripe from the base to the tip. He kept his eyes on Stu not being able to look up at you. Stu turned his head pressing his lips to yours. He moaned into your mouth as Billy wrapped his lips around the tip of his cock. His tongue swirled around making Stu's hips jerk. Stu's breath was uneven as his chest heaved up and down.

"Fuck." Stu cursed against your lips as Billy slid his mouth over the man's length. With a moan, Stu's head fell back leaving you to watch them without interruption. Billy could feel your eyes burn into his skin. That insecurity slowly started to creep back up distracting him from the man under his touch.

Stu grabbed your hand squeezing as his orgasm rapidly approached. "I-I'm going to cum." Stu warned with a whine. Billy continued sucking knowing if he didn't there would be a mess to clean up. His eyes closed tight as Stu cried out. Stu chanted a mixture of your and Billy's names. Billy let Stu ride out his orgasm before he looked to the floor swallowing the evidence of the sinful act. Stu laid back on the bed letting the newfound clarity wash over him. Billy's lips were swollen and his cheeks were red. You'd never seen him look like this until now.

Billy didn't dare look up knowing he'd see the disgust in your eyes. "Billy?" Hearing his name made him feel sick. You waited for him to look at you but he refused. He rubbed his eyes wanting to erase everything that had just happened. Billy looked up immediately apologizing for something he didn't need to. You cut him off grabbing his face and pressing your lips on his. You could taste Stu on his lips and it spurred you on more. Billy was shocked. You broke the kiss to look at him. "I need you." Your hands tugged on the waistband of his jeans greedily. How was he supposed to be calm and careful when you acted like this?

"Say it again." His voice was low and demanding making your cunt throb. "I need you." You happily repeated yourself seeing the way it brought his confidence back. Billy stood up unbuckling his belt right in front of you. You focused on the way his hands pulled the leather off with ease. He grabbed the bottle of lube tossing it on the bed. His jeans were quickly discarded along with his underwear.

You looked at Billy's naked form growing embarrassed by the view. "Baby throw me one of those." Billy pointed towards the condoms. Stu was happy to toss the package over. He was well aware of how hard it was for Billy to do what he did. Stu no longer felt like a dirty secret. You crawled up onto the bed as Billy opened the black wrapper. "Here lift your hips up." Stu grabbed a pillow slipping it between you and the bed. The feeling of your hips in the air was odd but you figured Stu knew what he was doing.

Billy slid the condom over his length with ease. The man debated on asking you once again if you were alright with this. You wiggled your hips impatiently. That small gesture was all Billy needed. Stu grabbed the lube squirting a little in his hand. He kissed your neck as his fingers smeared the jelly over your entrance. Billy crawled on the bed settling between your legs. Stu's eyes watched as Billy lined himself up with your cunt. You closed your eyes scared of the pain you've heard so many people talk about. Stu continued to smother you in affection as Billy slowly pushed into you.

It wasn't near as bad as you expected it to be. You tried not to focus on the stretch as he bottomed out. Billy cursed trying to hold still. "You okay?" Stu asked and you nodded. Billy's hips started to move to find a rhythm you were both comfortable with. Stu wrapped his lips around your nipple getting hit with a feeling of deja vu. Billy held onto your hips as he thrusts into you. He had to remind himself over and over that he needed to be gentle. Stu was used to his partner's fast and rough routine so seeing him struggle was almost humorous.

Your breath hitched as Stu tugged at your breasts. His teeth teased your skin making goosebumps flood your flesh. Billy watched as his partner left small hickies in places no one but the two of them could see. "Faster..." You moaned one hand squeezing Billy's wrist. The man's pace quickened making the sound of skin on skin even louder. It seemed the faster he got the tighter your muscles became. Stu abandoned your side sitting up to kiss the man between your thighs. Billy's free hand wrapped around Stu's throat squeezing just enough to keep him still. You moaned watching the men as Billy's thrusts continued to knock the air out of you. Billy's borderline whimpers did nothing but fuel your arousal. "Don't stop!" You cried out making Billy hold off his orgasm just a little longer.

Both men watched as you came undone around Billy's cock. It was one of the most beautiful things they'd ever seen. Billy's thrusts became rough and erratic as that familiar white-hot pleasure twisted inside of him. With one final thrust, his body trembled. Your name like a prayer was said over and over like it was the only thing he could say. For a brief moment, it was the only word that existed.

You winced as Billy pulled out. Stu fell next to you pressing a kiss to your cheek. "How was it?" He asked knowing the answer from previous experience. Billy tied off the condom before disposing of it in your bathroom. "I can't feel my legs." You giggled making Stu laugh. A warm fuzzy feeling covered your naked body. You weren't sure if it was the sex or the overall love you felt from both men. Stu helped move the pillow out from under your hips. Your legs and arms felt like jelly as you moved to cover yourself underneath the blankets. Stu followed suit huddling up next to your naked frame.

Billy left the bathroom grabbing his underwear from the floor. You groaned as you rolled out of bed needing to use the restroom. "Do you need help?" Billy asked seeing your wobbly legs. "Don't get cocky." You said with a laugh walking toward the bathroom. "I wasn't trying to-" You pressed a kiss to his lips silencing the boy. "I'm just messing with you."

He smiled watching your ass as you walked into the bathroom. The door shut behind you leaving both men to themselves. Stu grinned seeing the look on Billy's face. "You love us." He said feeling that bubbly feeling once again. Billy laughed to himself. "You know, you might be right."

Taglist (closed): @katie-tibo @agustdeeyaa @bowlofceral @gonnapermashift @tati-the-fangirl @kozumewhore @tatijoestar @illyanam1011 @c4rved-pumpk1n @msghostface @gojosbucket @sammanna @lokigirlszendaya @reneki @fetusharryluvr @kadu-5607 @pumpk1n-writes @lovekeeho @zeysartzone @life-of-music3 @flyestvenustrap @littleblondesoprano @loomiscorpse @nicciekawegosblog @reneemunson @miss-puregotti @ksgsfsgaj @zoleea-exultant @briefwinnerpersonaturtle @mistydreamscape @l4venderia @nex-crowley @ashreblogsnow @brynaa223 @your-desire666 @billyloomiswhore4 @holyladyofsorrows @megluv1 @ellieswifeiya @yoluvrz @forallthstarsinthesky @madsothree @youcantbesirius @lubunnii @captainhowdysseptum @geekygremlin @madneedshelp

Part 15

A/N: Sorry that this chapter took so long to unload. Theres some serious character development happening and I wanted to make sure I did the characters justice. Hope you're enjoying the series so far!💕

(if your name has a line through it Tumblr wouldn't let me tag you.)

[fanfic-obsessed]

What the Fuck

You know, I have a fair amount of fondness for what could be considered light Qui Gon bashing, specifically in regards to how he raised Obi Wan. I wonder if any of you could tell?

Along those lines I there is one thing I would love to see more of, the High Council finding out much later (like during the war) the fucked up parts of Obi Wan’s padawanship and just go ‘Fucking what????’

Walk with me for a minute while I explain.  Also this is an idea for an AU not a commentary on any version of cannon. 

There are 10,000 Jedi. There is no way the high council could be personally involved with all the Master Padawan pairs, not to mention not all the members during the war were members during Obi Wan’s padawan years. So let’s start from the premise that Qui Gon and Obi Wan had the normal amount of interaction with the High Council. This is, in part, because Qui Gonn lies like a rug for 90% of their reports to make them seem more normal than they actually are.  In this idea Qui Gon is also at the very least emotionally abusive and negligent, if not physically abusive as well. 

So Obi Wan grows up thinking things like being left in a Cantina for hours to days is normal Master behavior, or being lost in bet (both intentionally to track slave rings and just because Qui Gon did not have as good a hand as he thought), or being forced to meditate his needs away for days, or the crippling anxiety that Qui Gon seemed to be deliberately instilling. Obi Wan never does these things to Anakin (Obi Wan just cannot convince himself to treat Anakin like he was treated, but justifies it to himself that it was Anakin that had the strange padawanship because he came to the temple too late and too early. He does always feel like a failure of a master for the fact that he couldn’t do it). 

Obi Wan doesn’t talk about it to other Jedi, not out of shame but out of the sincerely held belief that every padawan faced the same, that it would be boring. He does not tell Anakin because he does not want to make his padawan feel bad for having a strange padawanship. 

He does give utterly horrifying answers to any member of his battalion that asks questions about his padawan years, which convinces the clones that the Jedi need to be protected from themselves. 

Now that we have set the stage, I think this should be a random time not tied to any specific set of events. Though It should be after Ahsoka is assigned to Anakin. I kind of want the Anakin, Ahsoka, Cody, and Rex present and the High council has just finished the “official” part of the meeting and have moved on to just chatting, or maybe it was before the meeting began, or perhaps it is semi official where they are talking about some Cantina in the mid rim that would be useful in an upcoming mission. 

No matter the situation, Obi Wan fondly reminisces about the proprietor and how they (the proprietor, Obi Wan, and some of the regulars) had worked out a routine where Obi Wan would lure in slavers that targeted children, the proprietor would drug them, and the regulars would steal their things and figure out where they were hiding their ‘product’.  

There is confused silence among the jedi present. At last Plo Koon goes ‘I know you looked young without your beard, but I didn’t think it was that young’ while thinking that he didn’t think he was that bad at judging near human ages. 

Obi Wan laughs and goes ‘oh no. This was when I was 14, though I was a bit stunted after Melida/Daan so I did look a few years younger. Master Jinn like to gamble around the corner whenever we had a mission that brought us to that sector, he got great tips about the slave trade. I was so scrawny that I didn’t make good collateral until I was 16. So he left me in the Cantina’. He then muses thoughtfully that the proprietor always seemed angry with Master Jinn when he came to collect Obi Wan. 

There is a dead silence, every member of the High Council turned silently to stare at Obi Wan.  Anakin, Ahsoka, and Rex looked shocked while Cody looked somewhere between tired and murderous as he stared into the middle distance. 

Mace Windu asks, in that careful voice people can get where they don’t want to let on that there is anything wrong, about being ‘collateral’.  Obi Wan answers with the air of someone who thinks their experience is much more universal than it was. Every answer he gives sparks more questions and more horror. 

Obi Wan is so used to thinking that his experiences were universal that it takes him several questions before he realizes that no one is reacting as if this is normal. He starts to try and explain, you know trying to make himself understood because he assumes that it is merely him explaining badly, which makes it worse and worse and worse. Anakin is near hyperventilating because that was decidedly not how his own padawan years went (and explained some of the strange questions that Cody has asked him over the years).

Cody is actually relieved that the Jedi appear to be just as horrified over all of this as the clones were.

Each and every other member of the High council is both internally and visibly going ‘Fucken what????!!!’ with every statement Obi Wan is making.  Just a straight up hour of being horrified, not evening being able to move onto guilt that no one noticed because of the sheer volume of WTF.  Interspersed with various Jedi thinking about how they are going to need to get a therapist that is dedicated specifically to Obi Wan, and probably a therapist for the therapist to avoid burnout.

[talisidekick]

Thanks for being so compassionate! As someone who's had to defend himself from assault pre transition and assault and attempted trafficking during transition which has contributed to some agoraphobia centered on thoughts like "damn, wasn't safe off T not safe on it", it's been rlly scary seeing ppl shrug off how transmascs are endangered in real life in service of discrediting transandro discourse. Cool seeing who's really real I guess????? anyways hope you're well and warm. Srry about my run on sentence lmao

There is absolutely nothing to apologize for. We only get to see one side publically, and that's pretty much just trans women issues. Media likes to cover just us. I rarely see news stories about just trans men. We don't see the stories about trans men getting stalked or followed around in stores by total strangers, getting attacked in public, rarely a mention if a trans man gets killed. It's happening but you don't see it. You don't see a flood of forum posts about the constant dismissal of, unique brand of hatred around, or the types of dangers faced by trans men.

My introduction to questioning my gender was actually FROM transandrophobia. The reason for this is I've had more of a curvy figure since ... well forever, even though my body was producing T on it's own. I got A LOT of compliments on it by pretty much all my friends (which were mostly girls, and yes that probably should have been a sign but I'm a bit thick sometimes, okay?) because I was "unconventionally sexy" because of it. I'm now remembering I do have a shirtless picture somewhere from before I was on HRT ... I'll work up the nerve to show that at some point to prove that point. Anywho, because of this, a random ass stranger had been following me as I went to grab a few things from a walmart after my shift. It was weird as fuck. Uncomfortably close, constantly looking at me but not what they were pretending to, and I kind of knew this dick was waiting until there was no one in the aisle before pulling something. I'd been mugged before at 14 and 15 so at 24 I was kind of like "I'm not getting stabbed in a damn Walmart" and just made sure to be quick. I got out of the store and met up with some old work friends and just let them know someone was following me and I wanted to wait them out. Props to my friends at the time, they bullseyed the dude (to be fair he wasn't being stealthy) and called him out. And he yelled back "You'll never be a real man" to me. My friends laughed at him because as far as we all knew, I was cis. But this would happen two more times in the same week. A lady would tell me I shouldn't be doing "this" to myself with a full body gesture, and that god "loves" me; and a college colleague flat out dismissed my concerns on something because "only a real man would need to worry about that". It got me wondering if this was a new fad, to hate on someones manliness, and upon looking that up I learned about what exactly transgender meant, the experiences of trans men and women (just a bit on women, my concern was on trans men at the time), and thought it was kind of cool there were people who'd know two sides to the gender spectrum. But it must SUCK to have to go through the bullshit I did and actually be affected by it. Like, no one has any right to tell another man they're less of one.

This whole situation would actually come back to help me 2 years later in finding myself. I'd only really looked up trans men and curiosity mid covid lock down would lead me to look up non-binary and then trans women. However, transandrophobia is how I, a trans woman, got her start. So it boils my blood when I see people talk about T being toxic or trans men having it easier. It shows a complete lack of understanding and a lack of acceptance and willingness to empathize. Trans men and trans mascs have different issues, that doesn't make them lesser, and while those issues may not affect me, it doesn't make it less of my problem to help deal with where I can. I know certain issues I'll have no experience on, no idea how to help, but that doesn't mean I can't still offer to be support. Everyone should be doing the same, and shame on those who aren't.

You deserve equal treatment and support in your fight for it, not dismissal. Those that dismiss the issues of trans men aren't allies, they're transphobes. And fuck transphobes.

[inkubuzzz]

WIP Weekend (9/14-9/15)

What Am I Working On? (Works with progress in the last few days only)

1: Untitled, dragon!MBJx adventurer SQH

Summary: Shang Qinghua is part of the Cang Qiong Adventurer's Guild. He has been sent on a mission to investigate a mountain where there have been supposed dragon sightings recently. Things go wrong, and Shang Qinghua has to find shelter from a blizzard in a random cave. In that cave, he just so happens to find the dragon he was looking for.

Favorite part (so far):

"Of course, Shen Qingqiu had been the one to suggest Shang Qinghua go. Why couldn’t Shen Qingqiu go? He was too busy with his werewolf husband!! Apparently, the full moon was coming up and his husband needed his full attention. He used the excuse that Luo Binghe would go on a rampage if Shen Qingqiu didn’t tend to him, but Shang Qinghua was fairly certain that was just an excuse to get some time off with his husband. So that left Shang Qinghua to go look for a dragon in this icy wasteland!"

Word count (so far): 1447

2: Untitled, exploration of MBJ's teleportation ability

Summary: Mobei Jun's teleportation ability relies on his ability to control shadows. It's an ability unique to him, and he has always kept it to himself. However, he finds himself wanting to share it with Shang Qinqhua.

Favorite part (so far):

"The shadows had always listened to Mobei Jun. He could call upon them and travel through them as easily as he could ice. Even amongst his kin, this ability had always been unique to him. Even Luo Binghe, the only other demon Mobei Jun had ever met who could teleport, relied on his ridiculous sword in order to do so. The shadows were something for Mobei Jun alone.

But now, he wished to share them with someone for the first time. With Shang Qinghua."

Word count (so far): 253

3: Untitled, Witch!SQH x Familiar!MBJ

Summary: Shang Qinghua should have summoned a familiar years ago. Everyone has been pestering him as to why he hasn't yet. Finally, he gets sick of all the questioning, so he decided to summon a familiar. He expects something simple, like a rodent or maybe a cat if he's lucky. But what's this??? He managed to summon a demon lord?? And the demon lord agreed to be his familiar?!

Favorite part (so far):

"Shang Qinghua looked down at his spell book for what seemed like the millionth time. He was certain he hadn't fucked up the spell. There was absolutely no way. It was perfect down to a T. So…

Why the fuck was there a demon king in his room???"

Word count (so far): 328

[joanofexys]

Please I must know more about Angel…

I’m gonna do a mix of fun facts and extra Angel backstory/PSU stuff so hopefully there’ll be something good in there

Some fun facts abt Angel:

Cuts the sleeves off most of his shirts

Crop. Tops.

Basically I wanted more men to dress like whores

Except he lowkey does it in a dad, rock band in someone’s garage, hot mechanic kind of way if that vibe makes sense in any capacity

His nose is crooked

Has a lot of scarring across his body, most of it has keloided (idk if that’s a word but I have keloid scars so leave me alone rip). He’s also got a few on his face

Because they’re raised and pretty prominent they tend to weird most people out and even though most of them are from when he was 10 or younger (courtesy of his father) they haven’t really faded. Some of them hurt some of them don’t

He doesn’t really like them or think they’re cool, he’s learned to feel neutral about it. However, Phoebe loves his scars

He’s built like a fucking brick wall. Just absolutely massive

gonna put it under the cut cause partial nudity ig but this is an idea of his body build:

also real quick the closest I’ve gotten for a good face claim for him is Isaiah Baumgardner

His hands are really cut up/scarred (I’ll explain this in a sec)

Cat and dog person. He will argue very passionately for it too and how unfair he thinks it is whenever people try and demonize cats or dogs

Queen would probably be the top artist in his Spotify wrapped

Hoards different editions of classics

Okay yeah moving on from the random bullets to me writing another essay about him

I did NOT get into this in his initial post but yeah his dad is a serial killer. For years his mom is labeled as missing (went missing when he was 4 years old) and then at 10 years old he’s removed from his dad’s home and moved into foster care. It wasn’t until 14 that his mother was confirmed dead upon his father’s arrest and confession.

When he was 14 years old the police randomly showed up at the door of his foster family at the time and took him down to the station. He was questioned for 7 hours, wrapping up at 3 in the morning, while the police tried to figure out if he had any knowledge or involvement in his father’s murders. All it resulted in was a crying Angel begging for his mommy to come home. With how young he was and the fact that he had been out of the home for 4 years (and his father continued killing during those 4 years) they declared there was no way he was aware. He was offered a chance to testify against his father. He refused to show.

When they dropped him off at his foster home he very nearly got the cops called again. He destroyed his room. Every personal belonging he had bought or been given by former families. He moved to a different home within the week. He breaks a lot of glass. And insists on cleaning it up himself. He cuts up his hands bad doing so. They have to take him to the ER.

Because he was a minor and had basically no ties to his father he was largely kept out of the media. When his father’s arrest and plea of guilty made the news it was mentioned that he had a single son but there was never a name. Obviously with Di Fiore anyone who looks him up is likely to get his dad in the search results instead. But he does his best to keep it hidden. It’s pretty easy for Wymack (and Andrew rip) to dig it up but Angel keeps it buried until he ends up at Palmetto. Once Andrew drops that he knows then Angel gives up on trying to keep any secrets from the foxes pretty much

He spends most of his time with the monsters. Phoebe’s favorites of them end up being Andrew (much to Aaron’s dismay since Aaron babysits more) and Kevin. However, like how cats can tell when people don’t like them, she is prone to asking for Neil and refusing to let anyone else hold her. Neil has no fucking clue what to do with her

When he goes to Eden’s with them if he can’t leave Phoebe with Harper then his go to babysitters are Dan & Matt and Wymack

He spends more time crashing at Wymack or Abby’s places than in the dorms

Resisting the urge to dump about my oc x canon ships but he and Allison are fwbs. He and Kevin are something (he’s basically a weighted blanket as a person which is something I think Kevin needs)

Uhhhhh fuck what else is going on with him. Idk he keeps to himself. He and Harper go on double dates with Katelyn and Aaron despite being broken up. He’s both very obviously a fucked up teenager and a good dad at the same time. He’s prone to cheating at board games. He doesn’t yell at people. His hearing’s a little fucked but he’ll probably never get it checked out. He’s very physically affectionate when he’s given permission (but he’ll always ask first. it’s good for setting healthy boundaries but it’s especially for Phoebe and to make sure she knows her boundaries will always be respected at home even from a young age). He likes RPGs (he’d be a huge fan of BG3) and is a fantasy nerd. Yeah that’s just a bit more about him

[chuckeroo777]

Dungeon Meshi Volume 14 Part 2

The worst is well and truly behind us! Let's enjoy the end of Dungeon Meshi!

It's the mad lad himself! (And a bonus Tade)

I genuinely have to question how good Yaad would be at this. He was born after the start of the curse, so he's had zero contact with the outside world. Presumably, Delgal remained in charge until he left, so Yaad only has like six years experience ruling, and that was only over a peaceful rural community with basically no conflict other than Thistle. And even if Delgal did teach him everything about being a king, that advice is a thousand years out of date.

It's everything I ever wanted!

...

Now what?

How about we make you the royal orcish liaison and call it a day.

Chilchuck. What the hell is that fit? You look straight out of one of the daydream hour modern AU doodles.

Um, that IS what he wants to do.

"Uh, guys, why does it say attempted murder? I totally blew Mithrun's face off."

"He got better."

Oh god, Marcille! Your eyes! The lion is back! But seriously, Marcille is a complete emotional wreak, and I love her for it.

So, does Izutsumi actually know who did this to her, or does she just want to go on a vague quest to try and find them? As of the post canon, she seems pretty content to live at the castle, doing cat things.

Always keep expectations low. Then you can really blow them away.

Luckily, Laios has picked up some tricks from Chilchuck for when being coddled.

Do you think Kui added the last-minute wolf head just so Laios could have a sick-ass wolf cape?

Most of these titles are great, but I honestly can't remember why this random elf would think Laios is pervy.

I totally think Chilchuck should be one of Laios' advisors, but I understand if he wants to do other stuff.

It took this long, but Toshiro has finally embraced the Meshi.

Good news! The literal opposite is going to happen! Now eat your food and stop complaining.

They're such good friends you guys.

Just as Steven Universe collects moms, Chilchuck collects daughters.

Mithrun continues to not give a fuck. Good for him. You eat that kebab.

There's a whole ass story here we don't get to hear. She totally ate out a naga, didn't she.

I love this manga. Even in the most poignant scenes, it always makes me laugh.

How do you think Kahka Brud is gonna feel about you stealing all the coastline?

Just one chapter to go, and then the MMT epilogue! See you guys in a little for the finale!

[vinylfoxbooks]

July 18 - Fake | @jegulus-microfic | wc: 822 Part 14 of Medium!James AU Previous Part | First Part

Yule is both not at all what Regulus expected, and yet completely what he expected, though James has told him that the Potters don’t celebrate the holiday in the way that other Pagans or traditional families do, they remain more lax about it because the Potters have never gotten super traditional and down to the true holiday when they celebrate anything. “We prefer to celebrate how our hearts want to celebrate, not how the textbooks say that we should.” Was James’ way of explaining it, and Regulus liked that. It also explained why there were several aspects of Christmas in the way that they celebrated Yule instead of sticking strictly to the religion’s celebrations. 

That being said, it’s Christmas day and everyone is sitting around the living room. The previous day, Pete and Marlene’s family came around and the families exchanged their presents and Remus stayed long enough the other day that everyone had their gifts wrapped and Remus was able to take his and his family’s gifts to his house when he left. So right now, it’s just the Potters, Sirius, and Regulus. 

Everyone would up at a reasonable time in the morning -- apparently something that Sirius required of the Potters when he moved in because Monty and James have the horrid habit of waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to go running even when it’s cold as fuck outside -- and they all sat around the table, having breakfast and their morning drinks of choice. Then they migrated to the living room where the gifts were sitting. 

Sirius got a bunch of records, some jewelry, and a nice custom leather jacket that Monty and Effie customised for him. James got an assortment of things, including a nice, leatherbound journal from Regulus since they were talking about needing a new journal to track their spells and divination. 

Regulus wasn’t expecting to get as many presents as he did. Some muggle books that Effie thought he might like, advanced potions books from Monty, some of which even had his own notes and annotations and the man telling him that he’d be more than willing to take Regulus on as his apprentice -- which Regulus will deny to anyone who accuses him otherwise that he teared up at the sentiment -- Sirius gave him the present from him but told him to open it privately, which did make Regulus was suspicious. Remus had gotten him some more books, ones that, from the letter that he left in the box, he enjoyed that Regulus might like. 

And James? James got him a whole new set of rings. When questioned, they tilted their head a bit and smiled, “You stopped wearing most of your rings after starting to talk to Remus.” They note, and Regulus hadn’t even realised that they noticed that, “I imagine it’s because most of your rings are silver. These are fake silver rings, though they’re still a good quality so you don’t have to worry about tarnish.”

Sirius nods, “I have the same material, got them from the same store and everything, they’ve lasted me a long time and have no effect on Remus.” 

“Thank you,” Regulus smiles. Admittedly, he had been missing his rings but didn’t want to wear them, “You also made me another ring.”

James nods, “Since your last one broke, I wanted to make you another one.”

“Thank you, Jamie.” Regulus smiles, leaning into their space just a bit more. Effie and Monty opened their gifts next, receiving some random things, though Monty did get Effie a stunning, dainty necklace embedded with diamonds and lapis and James got for their parents cookbook that they had made of all of their parents’ favourite recipes so they could be all in one book. 

When the day was done with and over -- really, when they finished with the whole gift exchange -- then everyone split up and went to do their own thing until later that night. Which is how Regulus found himself lying down with James in their bed, talking quietly and Regulus half asleep, after Regulus and Sirius snuck into the younger’s room and Regulus opened his present from his older brother, that being two new binders, one in almost his exact skin tone and one in black, and the explanation that he knew Regulus was needing new ones.

“You’re not a morning person are you?” James asks, humor in their tone, “We got up at nine in the morning and here you are, exhausted.”

Regulus grumbles, “‘m not a morning person. The only reason I wake up as early as I do is because when I try to sleep in, I hear my mother’s voice shouting at me.”

“An effective internal alarm.” James laughs, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his lips, “I’m glad you liked the rings, and thank you again for the journal.” Regulus doesn't deign them with a response, just choosing to kiss them once more.

Next part

[blond3ang3l]

Jeff the killer x black! Childhood friend! reader

Cw- murder, kidnapping, violence, angsty, very crazy and toxic ex!, one use of y/n

AU where everyone is aware of creepy pastas and stuff like that

How the fuck did you end up here tied up and being dragged to the middle of no where by a bunch of random guys. You just wanted to stay at home and chill but no something always has to go wrong. Everything was eerily silent but you could tell you were outside by the smell. your blind fold was ripped off you groaned the sudden light killing your eyes. But once they finally adjusted you realized who was the one who did this shit to you, the person you hated the most, your ex boyfriend Leo.

You broke up with him cause he always thought he ran shit which wasn’t sliding with you in the slightest. You looked up at him in annoyance, at this point you couldn’t even be scared you were just annoyed. He ripped you makeshift gag off and looked at you like you were just trash. “So you thought that you could just break up my heart and never hear from me again?!”. You scoffed at his ridiculousness, this is why you couldn’t be with him, he’s a crazy little bitch. “Nigga what the fuck are you doing? You fucking kidnapped me cause I dumped and somehow don’t think hmm maybe I got dumped because I DO CRAZY SHIT LIKE THIS!”. The men that helped Leo started to snicker until the heard a gun click.

Meanwhile Jeff was walking around the woods just coming back from killing victims. Honestly he couldn’t wait to get in the mansion he’s been out for around 14 hours straight just for shits and giggles. He was a while away from Slender’s woods but stopped in his tracks when hearing people laugh and then a sudden gun shot. With his knife in his hand he got closer but remained out of sight.

You opened your eyes as you finally took a breath looking around at your body to see if you had been shot. A sigh of relief came from you realizing you were okay and he had done it to scare you. And damn did it work cause you were absolutely terrified. Leo laughed as he looked down at you. “What’s wrong baby aww you scared now?”. Your nose scrunched up in disgust as he got closer to you “Yeah I’m totally scared of a fucking incel, how bout you do me a favor and just kill me already so I don’t have to deal with your whiney ass anymore.”

Jeff couldn’t help but laugh to himself watching your ex get made fun off. Honestly he thought you were right too how could anyone possibly be scared of your exes McLovin looking ass. At this point Jeff was just waiting for you to get killed so he can come in and finish off everyone else. But that was when he seen your face as your turned in disgust. Has he seen you before? Were you one of his victims family members? But once he heard your ex said your name it came to him. You reminded him of his old friend but he doubted it was you.

Your ex sent his boys away to go back to the car and wait for him. Once he did that he basically himself over. Even if it wasn’t “you” like Jeff thought the person looked close enough so your exes death was ultimately inevitable.

You were pulled up to your knees by hair with a gun pointed to your temple. “You got anything left to say bitch?”. You looked up at him deadpanned, no matter how scared you were there was no way you would show this pussy that “Your dick was trash.”. He was taken a back as you closed your eyes about ready to take your fate but he grew angry and right before he pulled the trigger there was a silence then the sound of gurgling. You opened your eyes to see your ex with a knife in his lodged into his throat. You were frozen in fear when suddenly a person landed right in front of you.

Looking up at the person with tears in your eyes the person who “saved” you, who was also currently staring down at you. Surprisingly he helped you up. “Y/n?” Jeff questioned. Your eyes widened, his voice sounded so familiar but you don’t know who this man was and this definitely wasn’t helping how scared you were. He untied you and you backed away into a tree. He was surprisingly gentle with you well not really he just surprised didn’t kill you yet. Instead grabbing your face inspecting it to see if it was actually you.

Once again he said your name but this time you nodded in response. With his free hand he pointed at himself “Jeffrey.. Jeffrey Woods”. You’re eyes widened and tears started flowing down your face “I- I thought you died, but now you’re here and and you’re alive! What happened? You look so… so different.” He pinned you to the tree you were against. It was unreal to him not only are you here with him but you remember him as well. “It’s a lot but that not important. Better yet how are you not repulsed by me?”.

You shook your head “I could care less in just happy you’re alive!”. This shocked him you were true to him and he could tell. “Where do you live? I’ll take you home.”. You told him and was suddenly lifted up bridal style. He grabbed his knife and off you went. Eventually you got back to your place we’re it didn’t take long for you to pass out from exhaustion. When you woke up you went around looking for him but eventually found a note saying “had to leave, but I’ll be back for you. Ps keep your window open for me.” You couldn’t help but smile reading it to yourself. And there it was the same feelings you had for him when y’all were younger.

I got a bit carried away but I hope y’all liked this😭

[killiansprincss]

Nobody gets me like you - a CS Secret Santa gift

Merry Christmas @captainodonoghue , I am your @cssecretsanta2020 2024! It's been great getting to know you and I hope you enjoy your fic! It’s filled with sad angsty killian!

Thanks to @brucethegirl for being an incredible beta, for your intense editing on Christmas Eve night and also being there to listen to my rambles about my ideas and what would make most sense!

Summary: Emma Swan is single again for the holiday. Sick of her brother trying to set her up she enlists the help of best friend Killian Jones to be her fake boyfriend. What happens when the liens between friendship begin to blur and Emma begins questioning their relationship

Rated E for smut

Link to AO3

Emma turned 30 two months ago. She was in no rush to be married by now. So why did it bother her so much when she opened up her Instagram and saw yet another girl she went to high school with announcing her engagement, ‘Best christmas present santa ever got me’ ugh. The holidays were going to be a nightmare for cringey announcements like this.

“So I had a really great time, you uh wanna come back to mine?” Emma forgot for a second she was meant to be on a first date, this one from another app she spent far too much time on.

From his profile, he was nice, he had a good job, and nice hair. No holding a fish which was always a bonus. But he was just so, well, boring. He talked about his job non stop, something to do with either finance or consulting or business management. He worked at one of the largest firms in Manhattan as if that was meant to mean anything to her. But in the hour they’d been having drinks, he’d not asked a single thing about her or her life, and Emma doubts it’s because he knows everything about her already considering she keeps her dating profile pretty basic.

“Sorry I would but I have an early shift tomorrow. I’ll text you.” She has no intention of texting him, he’ll probably have forgotten her name by the time he gets home.

She opens her uber app once she’s outside the bar and of course there are no drivers nearby for 40 minutes. Great. As she’s about to go down the subway her phone lights up and her plans for the night change.

‘How fast can you get to O’Malleys?’

‘Give me 15 minutes. Make sure there's a martini with my name on it.

Killian. Her best friend since she was 14. The two of them both moved to the city after high school, Kilian went to NYU and is a high school history teacher, Emma tried college for a semester but dropped out, and now works in bail bonds. They’ve kept up their friendship for so long and Emma can’t imagine her life without him. Tonight was one of the many times they’d meet up after a horrible first date, they were both extremely unlucky in the romance department.

“Swan.” Emma gets to the bar in less than 15 minutes and sees Killian sitting at their usual spot with her drink waiting for her.

“So, what was wrong with her tonight? Vegan?” She guesses, “No gotta be a catfish, her profile said she was a scandinavian model but her photos were taken from some random instagram model?”

Killian smirks at her guesses. “She wasn’t…” He pauses to take a sip of his beer, “She was nice, but something was missing, I don’t know. And she was funny about my hand I guess.” Killian lost his hand a few years ago when he was in an accident with his brother, Killian was lucky to get away with just a missing hand.

“Well she’s a jackass. She might have gotten on with my date he was shallow as fuck too. I should’ve gone home and binged the rest of Love Island, given that Austin seemed only interested in talking about himself.”

Killian shakes his head, “rookie mistake, letting a beautiful girl sit there whilst you talk about yourself incessantly.”

Killian was a notorious flirt, he could get any girl he wanted. Dark hair, blue eyes and a hot accent, Emma never understood why he had such trouble with dating.

They chat about their failed dates some more, and talk about work. It was nice that she didn't need to be anyone uber successful around Killian, she could just be her normal broke self with a crappy apartment and a junk food addiction.

“So I got my invite to your brother's annual Christmas party the other day.”

Emma groans, “Don’t remind me of that please.” Emma’s older brother David was the epitome of perfect white picket fence life. He married his childhood sweetheart in an adorable backyard wedding and is sheriff of their small town. She loved her brother dearly, but hated how much his life was perfect and that he expected the same of her. Every year he throws a huge Christmas party and invites all their friends and family, which is a large percentage of their small town. But every year except one she has turned up single, and her brother would ask why and try and set her up which she always turns down.

“At least you still have a brother.” Killian mumbles under his breath. Killian had never really been the same since the accident, they’d had a huge fight with their alcoholic father and the roads were icy. Liam shouldn’t have been driving, he was in no state to drive and unfortunately they got hit.

“Well if you need me to help you fight your dad, I can do that.” Emma offers with a smile, she saw first hand how broken Killian was when Liam died. Liam practically raised Killian with their dad being an alcoholic who resented Killian, Liam was the perfect son and for some reason when their father would get drunk, he’d take his anger out on Killian.

“Thanks Swan, but I don’t know if I’m going to come this year.” Christmas was hard for Killian, especially given Liam died on Christmas Eve.

“No. Killian you have to come.” She grabs his arm and gives him her best puppy dog eyes. “I can’t survive the holidays alone with my brother trying to set me up.” Emma pauses for a second debating if she should share her sudden thought.

Unfortunately Kilian could read her like an open book, “Swan. I know that look.”

‘Hear me out.” She says and Killian groans at whatever this new idea was. “You be my fake boyfriend for the holidays. Think about it, it means my brother won’t be setting me up with anyone, and people will leave you alone and not ask you the dreaded ‘how are you feeling’ questions because you’re obviously happily moved on with your girlfriend.”

“Swan, you’re a bloody lunatic.”

“It’s only until New Years. It can work in both our favour. Think about it.” Emma had a way about her that made it so difficult for Killian to say no to her.

“I’ll think about it.” He promises and Emma smiles knowing she’d won.

____________

Emma’s in her apartment a couple days later, she’s just finished work and has changed into her comfiest pair of sweatpants that may or may not have a stain on them from when she was eating Chinese food last week. It’s been a long day and she was in no mood for drinks after work. She’s about to open up doordash when she hears a knock on her door.

She opens the door to find Killian on the other side, a massive box of pizza. “I’ll do it. I’ll be your fake boyfriend.”

Emma smiles brightly as she takes the pizza from his hands. She knew he would do this for her.

“We need some ground rules.” Killian tells her.

“I agree. We also need a story of how this happened. I’m thinking we ran into each other after we both had a bad first date, got talking and drinking and one thing led to another-“

Killian interrupts before she says any more “I’m gonna stop you there Swan. I’m not letting your brother believe I got you drunk and slept with you to trick you into going out with me. He’ll come for my head.”

Emma rolls her eyes, taking a sip of wine as Killian continues. “How about we simply decided we hated being single and went on a date and realised we’d been missing out by just being friends all these years.”

“You’re brilliant and I hate it.” She says. Her stubbornness couldn’t fault his idea. Her phone rings and she realises it’s her brother facetiming her. “Speak of the devil, now’s your chance to fake it, Jones.”

“Hey Emma, how’s my baby sister?” David says as she answers, she hated that he called her that.

“Your little sister is doing just fine.” She corrects, “I have food.” She holds up her slice of pizza. Her brother was a bit of a health nut, he and his wife were trying and failing to get pregnant so they were both trying all the remedies under the sun.

“Pizza? Really? I knew living in New York was rotting your brain.” He teases.

“Hey don’t blame Emma, mate.” Killian says from beside her and he pulls Emma’s phone to face him, “I’m the enabler. She’s had a shitty week at work and pizza is a comfort food, it’s healthy when you think about it.” For whatever reason her brother always liked Killian, saying he was a good influence on her.

“Killian! How are you man? Keeping my baby sister out of trouble?” It’s not unusual for Killian to be at her apartment, or for her to be as his, so David doesn’t question it at first. They catch up for a while, Killian tells David about his job and the kids he teaches, David’s wife is an elementary school teacher so they chat about the holidays and how some kids are off the rails this time of year.

“Is there any way I can convince you to come back for the holidays?” David asks and suddenly Emma is ready to spring back into action.

“Already convinced him. We’re coming home so you can expect a great Christmas Eve Party.” Emma snatches her phone back and puts her head on Killians shoulder for effect.

David doesn’t realise the implication at first and starts going on about how great it’ll be to see Killian again and how he can prepare the other guest bedroom. “No mate, Emma and I are together, so we’re coming together to your place.”

David is slow once again, “I heard. It’ll be so great. Oh Emma, I know you say you don’t want to but there’s this teacher Mary Margaret works with and he seems like a really great guy.”

“No. David, Killian and I are together, so we’ll be coming together.” She says once more.

“I heard you. I think it’s great you’re both coming.”

“Mate, she’s my girlfriend is what we’re trying to say.” Killian eventually interrupts, putting them both out of their misery.

“You’re serious? This isn’t a prank?” Her brother asks.

They both shake their heads, “I wouldn’t joke about dating your sister, mate.

Emma is worried about what he’s going to say, but eventually he’s gushing with happiness, “I’m so happy. I always thought you two would be so great together, but it never happened and I’d given up hope.”

Emma wasn’t shocked by his reaction. He would always pester her about why she and Killian were never together during high school, and when they went off to college together the pestering questions began again. Part of her wondered if this was a mistake. If her brother was so invested in their relationship, what would happen once they broke it off in the new year?

_________

Their flight from JFK into Maine gets them in at just after 3pm, they’d spent the hour flight going over ground rules on their relationship.

PDA - Emma was never a huge engager in PDA but they would also get suspicious if they barely touched one another. So small cheek or forehead kisses were okay. They weren’t horny teenagers.

No need to share a bed. Emma was always hosted in the large guest room, it was her room until she moved out and David would never dream of anyone else sleeping there when Emma was in town. In the room was a sofa by the window, they would alternate who gets the bed and who gets the sofa each night.

Keep the relationship casual. They haven’t been dating for too long so they don’t have plans to move in, get engaged or have kids. They’re having fun being together and that’s all it needs to be.

“You need to put your arm around me.” Emma whispers just as they’re about to go through the arrivals gate. “We need to look like a couple or else he’ll see right through the lie.”

Kilian wraps his arm around her waist and uses his free hand to carry both their suitcases as a good boyfriend would and Emma looks at her fake boyfriend with a smile. They had to get this right.

They walk through the gate like this, smiling at one another so they don’t even see David at first.

“Emma, how is my baby sister?” He asks, wrapping her a hug , “Killian, I’m glad you decided to come.”

“Hey mate, thanks for the invite. I couldn’t really say no to this one.” He says wrapping his arm around Emma once again.

“So, how long has this been going on? And why is now the first I’m hearing about it?” David asks as they walk out towards the car.

Emma glances a look at her fake boyfriend, he’s taken the bait. “It’s still kinda new. I thought you’d be happy. You keep asking me when I’m gonna meet someone and you like Killian.” She tries to keep it casual, she doesn’t want to make out like Kilian is the love of her life and break her family's hearts when she tells them they broke up.

“I am happy Emma. I’m thrilled actually! You two together, gosh it’s perfect. Mary Margaret was so excited when I told her.” Part of her wanted to believe her brother was happy about this relationship because she’d found someone, but part of her knew it was because it was Killian.

The drive from the airport to Storybrooke takes just over an hour, David asks questions about their new relationship, but he seems happy with the few details they provide. His main concerns are with Emma and how her job is going, if she’s eating well and her rent, he’d always been her big brother but a lot of the time he acted like a father. But Emma didn’t really mind. Soon enough they’re parked up in front of the house that Emma first felt at home in.

Walking through the doors into the familiar scent of Mary Margaret's cinnamon cookies baking in the oven, she’s reminded of the first day she walked through these halls, 14 years old, gangly and skinny with greasy hair and hungry. She’d never had a home that lasted more than a few months so as much as she wanted it to feel like home, she wasn’t going to get her hopes up. But then a few weeks turned into months and months into years and she was adopted when she turned 16. But Ruth and David loved her from the moment she turned up and she owed everything to them.

“Emma! There you are, come here I missed you” a voice from the kitchen says and out walks Mary Margaret with her pixie cut and warm heart that would make anyone feel calm. Mary Margaret and David were childhood sweethearts, so when Emma was around so was she. She was like a big sister, teaching her how to do makeup and helping braid her hair and was also a listening ear when she got a crush on a guy in her class, and then when Ruth got sick, she became like a mother.

“I missed you too.” Emma says as she hugs her, and she means it. This small town she grew up in was always going to be home.

Mary Margaret’s eyes land on Killian and she gives him a soft smile, her own mother died on Christmas when she was only 7, so she understands how difficult the holidays are for him. “I hear you’re joining our family at last.”

Killian looks like a deer in headlights, “I- uh- It’s still new with Emma. It’s not like I’ve proposed marriage.” He stumbles, “Not that marrying Emma would be a bad thing, she’s a great girl and I care about her.” He was struggling and Emma kind of enjoyed watching him suffer.

“I’m just teasing you, don't worry.” Mary Margaret says as her husband comes in the door. “You’re always welcome here and always a part of the family, whether you’re dating Emma or not. This one has a special knack for picking up strays.” She puts her hand on her husband’s chest, it was obvious to anyone the two were in love, had been since they were kids. Mary Margaret spent most of her time at David’s, especially when her father married a 20 something year old after her mother’s death.

Mary Margaret shows them to the guest room. Emma knew the two had been renovating the house and getting brand new furniture but what she wasn’t expecting was instead of the usual sofa by the window, there were now two armchairs and a bookshelf. The large queen sized bed in the middle of the room looked a lot smaller, too.

“I thought you said there was a sofa.” Killian says once Mary Margaret had left the room.

Emma sighs, “they’ve been redecorating. Guess they decided a sofa was unnecessary.” Rule 2. Damn it.

“I’ll take the floor.” Killian says.

“Absolutely not. It’s a big enough bed.” She tells him trying to convince herself more than him. “We just stick to our sides. No reason for it to get messy.”

—

Killian takes a shower first, leaving Emma to unpack and get her head screwed on. Dinner was just going to be the family, so it wasn’t going to be a huge event like the Christmas Eve party. It would just be the four of them and the grilling over their relationship would begin. She could handle it, they would work together.

“Sorry love, but do you know if there's a spare toothbrush anywhere? I thought I’d packed mine but it seems I forgot.” She turns around to tell Killian to check the drawer under the sink and is left speechless at the sight of Killian in just his towel, bare chest on show and the towel wrapped around his waist.

She’d seen Killian shirtless before, they’d been to the beach and she’d seen him running a few times with no shirt but something about this was different. His hair was still wet from the shower and she was very aware how naked he was under the towel, one wrong move and it could easily fall off and Emma’s mind wandered to what was underneath. She knew he was an attractive man, you’d be blind not to notice that, but he’d always been Killian-her best friend who had braces when she first met him and who had acne until he was out of his teens. He wasn’t meant to be, well, hot.

“Earth to Emma.” He says waving a hand in front of her face, hopefully unaware of where her mind was headed.

She managed to snap herself out of it, “right. Sorry, uh-bottom right cabinet under the sink.”

It was going to be a long week.

_____

Dinner was just the four of them at the house. It’s not a big deal, they’ve had dinner with her brother and sister-in-law many times over the years as friends. Except this time Killian presses a kiss to her cheek as they sit down and he pours her a glass of wine without her even asking. As far as fake boyfriends go he was pretty good.

“So how did you finally wear my sister down?” David asks, this conversation was inevitable, but they were prepared.

Killian smiles as he takes the lead, “Emma’s been my best friend for years and I don’t know what I’d do without her in my life. I mean I hope she thinks the same of me. I don’t think I’m ready to settle down just yet, but I’m so sick of dating apps, the girl seems nice but then I never hear from her again or I get stood up. I think Emma felt the same. So we went out on a practice date I guess to see how it went, and it wasn’t weird, it didn’t feel wrong, it felt like we were late to the game in just dating each other.”

Leaning into her role Emma adds, “He’s Killian. I’ve been on a ton of awful dates lately, but I know where I am with Killian.”

“It reminds me of when me and David started going out. Granted we were 14 and had no idea what we were doing. But being best friends with the person you spend your life with is the best thing.”

“We’re not getting married, this is still new. Don’t freak us out.” Emma scoffs, really hating how much they we loving this conversation.

“Maybe not. But we might be sitting here in a few years with a different situation.” Emma can only roll her eyes, this was a bad idea.

___

“I’m sorry about them. If I had known they’d be so excited about the thought of us together I would never have suggested it.” She says to Killian once they’re back in their room for the night.

“It’s fine, Swan. We make a good team, you and I. It's no wonder they love the idea of us together. Now are you sure about sharing as I can happily take the floor?”

It’s not that sharing a bed with Killian would be a bad thing, it’s that she’s not shared a bed with anyone when sex wasn’t involved. Even with Graham they were dating for about a year but she never just slept over in his bed. She’d done one night stands but she’d never woken up the next morning, she would get out there as soon as she was done. Sex wasn’t intimate, but sharing a bed, that was about as intimate as she could get. “It was my idea for you to be my fake boyfriend, I’m not letting you sleep on the floor.”

That night they go to sleep on their assigned sides and Emma sleeps well knowing their plan was working, her family believed their relationship and they just had to get through the next week. It was going to be fine.

Except it isn’t fine. When she wakes up Emma is aware of being warm, and becomes aware of two things:

Emma had managed to get herself entangled in Killians hold during the night, she was aware of his arm draped across her pulling her in close, so close she could feel his hot breath on the back of her neck

He was hard….

This was bad. Very bad

It was a natural reaction, it was just likely that Killian hadn’t gotten any action recently and his body just became familiar to a female body nearby, it didn’t mean anything, Killian wasn’t hard because of her.

Emma shifts herself slowly, not wanting to wake Killian. She just needed to move his arm from around her. She stops for a moment when she hears a soft grunt. “Mma.” Thinking nothing of it, she manages to move his arm and shift herself so she’s now facing him rather than being spooned by him and pretends to be asleep.

But that’s when the muttering begins again, “Emma.” It’s clear as day this time. He was dreaming about her, and he was hard. This was fine, again maybe he wasn’t having a sex dream maybe it was a perfectly normal, pretty platonic dream about her fighting an ogre or something.

She’s aware of Killian waking up but she keeps her eyes closed and pretends she’s still asleep just to avoid any awkwardness when he realises his situation. But then she feels his hand on her face and is aware of him pushing a piece of hair aside before she feels the bed dip where he’s gotten out. It was a strange thing to do but she doesn’t question it as he walks into the bathroom and she hears the shower.

Her mind is betraying her as she thinks about the past 5 minutes. Killian, her best friend and fake boyfriend woke up hard, was saying her name in his sleep and now the shower was on and there was a high chance he was letting off steam in the shower. Was he thinking about her when he rubbed his dick? Was he imagining it was her hand instead of his own? Did that get him off, thinking about her?

No. She shouldn’t be thinking like that. He was Killian, her best friend. She didn’t think about him like that, and he didn’t think of her like that. Unless he did and then Emma was royally screwed.

Breakfast is fine, maybe Emma is a little skittish when Killian hands her a mug of coffee and a bear claw but she claims she didn’t sleep well and he doesn’t question it. She needed to get laid in the new year, that was all it was.

The two are tasked with setting up the barn for the party tomorrow. David and Mary Margaret don’t have any animals, they always say it’s their long term plan, so for now they use the barn for parties such as this. So the flooring is fine, they just have to pick up some space heaters and finish up the decorations.

“I’ll go pick up the heaters, they’re at Granny’s and I want to catch up with Ruby so we’ll meet back here in an hour?” Emma suggests, she knows Killian would want to be alone and spend time at Liam’s grave since there won’t be much time tomorrow on the actual anniversary.

Granny’s diner was run by an old lady who somehow defies aging, it had the small town charm that a chain didn’t have and she missed it when she was in the city. Her granddaughter Ruby was one of Emma's closest friends when they were both in high school, Emma keeps in touch but it's never the same as seeing her in person.

“Emma Swan, you come home for Christmas and you don’t think to tell your best friend about your boyfriend?” Ruby was always one for dramatics.

She pulls her friend into a hug, “Hello to you too, Rubes. And I’ve been here less than 24 hours. How does everyone know about my relationship?” If it were a real relationship, Ruby would be one of the first people to know.

Ruby rolls her eyes, “You’ve become too accustomed to city life, you forget how fast news travels in a small town.”

“I was going to tell you, but then it all happened so fast and-“ she stops as she notices her friend couldn’t stop smiling. “Why are you smiling?”

“I’m happy for you Emma. I just can’t believe it's taken you this long to figure shit out with Killian. What happened that made you finally realise what you’d been missing?’

“This is why I didn’t want people knowing, my brother keeps acting like we’re going to get married. It's still new, I don’t know if it's because I didn’t tell my brother the truth that we actually got drunk and slept together and he was like really good in bed, like so good. We decided to test dating rather than an awkward friends-with-benefits situation. I don’t know what's going to happen to us in the future, but for now it's fun and not too serious.” Emma’s story was getting a little out of hand, but since this morning she had tried to stop thinking about Killians hard dick and how good it would feel inside her. She’d never given much thought to having sex with him until this morning.

“You and Killian are the opposite of fun and not too serious. He’s been in love with you since your first day here. He’s not going to run away unless you-”

“What do you mean? He hasn’t been in love with me since he was 15. That’s crap.” He wasn’t in love with her, she was determined.

“Killian was applying for Ivy Leagues, he probably got offers from Yale and Harvard, but he chose NYU because that’s where you wanted to go.”

“He told me NYU had a better history programme.” She remembers their conversation, she knew he was applying for a ton of schools and knew he was good enough to get into an Ivy League-but Killian was never about getting into the best school he just wanted to get away from his dad. “He’s not in love with me, he would’ve told me.”

Would he have told her though? They never seemed to be single at the same time. When Emma was 16 she started hanging around Neal, he was older and he seemed so cool to a foster kid who was used to stealing food to survive. He had his own studio apartment just outside of town and he always wore fancy clothes and bought Emma expensive gifts. He made her feel special, that was until he got caught stealing watches from a department store. Then when she was single during her first semester in college, that's when Killian got involved with his TA, she was older than him and Emma’s pretty sure she was married but she knew he was going through a pretty dark time in his life so she was not one to judge.

Then Emma started dating Graham, he was an NYPD cop she met doing bail bonds and for the next few years Killian was at college working on his degree, so they didn’t interact much. Their friendship took a back seat when they weren’t around one another every day or living 5 minutes from another. Emma was in a shitty studio apartment in Queens whereas Killian’s NYU residences were in Manhattan. Graham was nice but it just didn’t work out and when Emma got promoted and earned enough money to move to a nice one bed apartment in Brooklyn, Killian was burnt out after almost 5 years of studying and moved back to Storybrooke. That didn’t last long as he turned up at her apartment one night with a black eye and Emma didn’t have to ask who did that to him.

Their friendship could’ve easily taken a turn for something else that night, but it didn’t. Killian just broke down about losing Liam and how his father can’t stand the sight of him. That’s when Emma opened up about feeling alone and unloved until she was adopted and she finally had a family. They both had had a lot to drink but nothing happened, they fell asleep on the couch. So if it were going to happen, if Killian was going to admit how he felt surely it would be when he was pouring his heart out to her, right?

“For what it's worth, whether you believe he's in love with you or not, I think he’s good for you. You bring out the best in him, and he brings it out of you. Don’t scare him off, let him in.”

Ruby’s words are ringing in her head. Killian had been rock solid in her life. He was a constant reminder that people you cared about wouldn’t leave. Before she was adopted, she was in a foster family she thought really cared about her, they would talk about the trips they were taking, how the mom was going to the mall to get new clothes, but then the minute the social worker left Emma realised how wrong she was. She was used to people lying, leaving and she learnt to not get her hopes up or be excited about things, It took nearly a year for Ruth and David to finally break the walls she had up. Killian was the nerdy guy with braces who sat with her in math class and helped her find her way around the school, he sat with her at lunch and introduced her to Ruby.

Killian was her best friend. He was always there for her when she needed him. She broke up with Graham and then Killian would arrive with pizza in hand to cheer her up. She’d never really thought of him in a romantic or sexual setting before today. David and Mary Margaret were the prime example of marrying your best friend, so maybe being with Killian wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. She couldn’t stop thinking if Ruby was right and if he really was in love with her.

_____

David lent her his truck to pick up the heaters and the last of the decorations, when she parks in front of the barn she hears the radio station Killian always has on playing from the barn. She hears him singing along to the christmas song currently playing as a smile tugs at her lips.

“Nice singing, Jones.”

He stops in his tracks and his face turns red as he turns towards her. “Swan. Don’t sneak up on a man.”

The barn was partly converted from David and Mary Margaret’s wedding a few years back and a couple other people in town had since hired it out for their own wedding. Fairy lights hung from the ceiling down to the warm wooden floors which were decked with a gorgeous red carpet and tables along the back of the barn were dressed with red and green tablecloths and two large nutcrackers adorned the entryway. It looked like a winter wonderland already and Emma knew this was all her sister-in-law’s doing.

“Ruby says hi.” She says as she puts the heaters down, trying not to keep her friend's words in her head too much. “I assume Mary-Margaret left a very detailed list, so where do you want me?”

Killian holds up a list, a knowing smirk cursing his lips, of course there was a list. “She has left us in charge of the finishing touches. Add Red and Gold baubles to the tree, candy canes in the flower arrangements on every table, blankets on the porch. And my personal favourite.” He holds up a familiar looking berry flower. “mistletoe above the entryway.”

Emma rolls her eyes at her sister-in-law's ultra detailed list, she did not like leaving anything to chance. And she bets the mistletoe was David's idea before he knew about her and Killian, likely planning to trap her in an awkward situation with that teacher he’d mentioned. “You better stay away from me waving that in front of me.”

She expects Killian to put it back in the box, but instead he moves a few paces in front of her, “What will you do Swan? You know there’s a saying that if you refuse a kiss under the mistletoe you’ll be cursed to have no marriage proposals.” He was toeing a very dangerous line here and Emma knew she could easily walk away and he wouldn’t push her, but part of her was curious to see how far he was willing to go. There was nobody around except the two of them to force it.If she kissed him, it would be her decision alone.

“Who says I want a marriage proposal?” She was toying with him, she wanted to see if he was going to do what she thought.

He waves the leaves above his head and whispers, “It’s bad luck, Swan. You don’t want to be cursed.” And he leans in ever so slightly, waiting for her to make a move.

Her mind was racing. Killian was a flirt, he always was, and Emma always thought it was just in his nature, but with Ruby’s words still ringing in her head she was curious. Was this constant flirting a game or was he trying to make a move? Her mind wanders back to \ last night, seeing him dripping wet from the shower and then this morning. Was he a good kisser? What would happen if she did kiss him?

“I don’t want to be cursed.” She decides to hell with it and leans in closer, closing the gap and all of sudden her lips are on his.

She was kissing Killian. Killian, her best friend. Her fake boyfriend for the holidays. It shouldn’t feel this good. His lips are soft and she can taste the rum from the flask she knows he would’ve been drinking from at his brother's grave. His tongue is in her mouth and of course he’s a good kisser. She doesn’t know why she never thought about it before, and she can’t help but let out a moan at the way it felt.

They break away for a second, and look at one another, both understanding this was more than just a mistletoe kiss. This was wrong, everything in her knows this was wrong but she can’t help it. Killian drops the mistletoe and his mouth is on hers once again. Emma was a sensible girl 90% of the time but his lips tasted like danger and she was ready to let herself go to the dark side. His hand tangles in her hair and she can’t deny how good it feels.

They were well beyond the line of two friends pretending to date but while she was lost in the taste of his lips she couldn’t care. Hearing the way he moaned when her tongue explored his mouth, it was the hottest thing she’d ever known.

“Ahem.” They break apart at the sound of her brother's voice. “Mary Margaret sent me to see how you were doing, I think she’s stressed it’s not going to fit her vision.” Her brother was as red in the face as they were.They’d been caught making out like a bunch of teenagers and she was 30 years old for god's sake.

“Right, the tree needs the star. It's your party you should do the honours.” She backs away from Killian and doesn’t look him in the eye as she helps her brother with the finishing touches. They barely look at one another for the rest of the afternoon, and Killian resigns himself to looking over the table coverings.

They don’t bother to explain the mistletoe to David; it was clear they were having some alone time, who knows how it would have escalated. It should’ve been wrong, it was crossing a line. They had rules, clear rules about how to get through the holidays and Emma had broken them by kissing him. But she can’t deny how good it felt to kiss him and how she badly wants to do it again.

_____

Emma was on fire the entire afternoon. She couldn’t stop thinking about the taste of his lips and the way his body moved against hers. It was exciting and thrilling and Emma so desperately wanted to do it again. But she couldn’t. This was Killian, her best friend. She couldn’t face him without going bright red in the face.

She shoots Ruby a text seeing if she was free for a girls’ night. She needed to vent and Ruby owed Emma for the many times she had vented to her back in high school. Thankfully her friend is free so she shoots Killian a text so he doesn’t worry.

“I kissed him. It was meant to be a mistletoe kiss, something light hearted and unserious but god Killian knows how to kiss. And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, which is wrong because this was all meant to be fake.” She says when she shows up at Ruby’s apartment with a takeout bag and wine in hand.

Ruby rightfully looks at Emma like she doesn’t have her head screwed on, “slow down. You kissed Killian, as in your boyfriend?”

Emma pours the two of them a glass of wine as she explains everything, from the decision to fake date for the holidays to how he woke up this morning leading to the kiss and finally how her head had been spiraling ever since Ruby said he’d been in love with her since high school.

Ruby takes another sip of wine as she tries to get her head around the story. “So he agreed to fake date you, with no promise of anything?”

Emma nods. “He took a day to mull it over but yeah he didn’t argue much.”

The brunette takes another swig of wine as she digests and collects her thoughts. “Emma, when you meet up with Killian in the city, what sort of things do you get up to?”

“I’m confused. What does this have to do with my feelings?” Emma asks, not sure where her friend was going with this.

“Just stick with me. What do you guys do?”

“Uh, we go out for drinks. We talk about our bad dating experiences. We go to the gym together sometimes or he’ll bring takeout to my apartment and we’ll watch a movie together.”

Ruby nods her head with a smile, clearly what Emma was saying was going along with the batshit theory in her head, “your ex. What did you guys do together? The cop-Graham, not that douchebag Neal.”

Still not sure where this was going Emma tells her, “We’d have dinner together, he’d come to my apartment or I’d go to his and watch a movie.” Slowly Emma understood where her friend was coming from. “Oh my god. Have I been dating Killian all these years?”

It all made sense. With the whole “Killian being in love with her all this time” it made sense why he spent so much time with her. But why not be honest with her? She knew feelings could complicate things but they told each other everything. “Was I that dumb this whole time?”

“That’s a question you gotta ask him.”

_____

It’s late when she gets back to the farmhouse. She doesn’t expect him to still be awake but he’s there on the armchair reading.

“Hey, how was Ruby?”

There are a million thoughts swirling around in her head, this was why she came back late, hoping she wouldn’t have to face him.

“She's Ruby. Terrible taste in relationships. She’s pretty sure the girl she’s been dating has been cheating on her.” The lie slips out easily, Ruby was known for having terrible relationships so Killian wouldn’t get suspicious. “How was your evening?”

“I had a run in with Brennan.” Killian had stopped referring to him as his father shortly after Liam died, and he went no contact with the older man.

“What happened?” Emma knew nothing good usually came from Killian talking to his father. He was a no-good drunk and blamed Killian for Liam's death.

“It was actually a good thing. I confronted him.” Killian looked very proud of himself, “I’d bottled up everything I felt for the man all these years. Even when Liam was alive I never felt like I was good enough, I pushed myself to work hard in school to get even a smidge of his attention and he never gave a damn. Liam was his perfect son, and in his eyes I killed him. He doesn’t even care that I lost my brother, he lost his son and that’s all he cares about. He didn’t bother to ask how I’m getting on with only having one hand because he doesn’t care. I don’t exist to him anymore. It used to bother me, but I realise I don’t care. Family isn’t about blood. You, Emma, more than anyone knows that. He doesn’t exist to me anymore and I’m okay with that.”

“I know Liam would be so proud of you.” Emma tells him, grabbing his hand and smiling wide. “And you’re right. Family isn’t about blood, but you’ve got David and Mary Margaret. And you have me.”

She loved him, she loved him as a friend and if she let herself she could probably fall in love with him. She just didn’t know if opening her heart would make it worse. Killian was fragile, he’d lost his brother way too young and what if they decided to date for real, and then it didn’t work out. Could they go back to being just friends after? She knew he didn’t have any friends or people he could rely on aside from her.

_____

The next morning Emma wakes up before Killian does, sunlight not yet setting in from the curtains. It was warm considering it was December. She notices the clock next to the bed says it’s just after 6am, and she was also aware of Killian’s warm body wrapped around her, it felt nice to bask in it for a few moments. She didn’t feel his hardness against her back this morning which saved her from another awkward moment, but his legs were intertwined with hers. She felt safe with Killian. She didn’t know what was going to happen after the holidays but for now she let herself fall back asleep wrapped in his arms.

When she wakes a couple hours later it’s 8.30am and Killian isn’t next to her, so she’s forced to get out of the warm bed and go downstairs alone for breakfast.

“Happy Christmas Eve!” Mary Margaret practically pounces on her when she walks down the stairs to the breakfast nook. It’s beautiful, what they’d done with the house. A fresh lick of white paint made the small wooden kitchen feel homey and large. It was the perfect family home and Emma knew any child with them as parents would be the luckiest child in the world.

Her sister-in-law explains the plan for the day. They had a few more decorations to be added to the barn, like the fake snow David was most excited for and of course the presents for the tree because he was one of those people who loved gift giving and spending far too much time and money getting the perfect gift for everyone.

Her first Christmas with David and Ruth she had been so afraid. She’d done Christmas before with a foster family and they’d spent so much of their time and money on their own kids, she was practically forgotten about. But Christmas morning, David woke Emma up with a stocking from ‘Santa’ and they went downstairs to open it up where Ruth was making eggs and toast. It was perfect. They made her feel so included and loved.

Every year after that David would give Emma a perfect gift, the first year after they adopted her it was a framed picture of the two of them with a cute saying about the love between a brother and a sister, it made Emma cry. He’d always make the extra effort so she felt included and she loved him for it.

____

Everything was in place for the party tonight, the barn looked exactly like the Pinterest board Mary Margaret was using as inspiration. She was actually excited for once.

She had come back to the house early to get ready for tonight, but there was just the small problem that she hadn’t stopped thinking about Killian and the things Ruby had said. When she woke this morning Killian’s hardness was not rubbing against her, but part of her wishes it was. He was driving her insane. She had never been this obsessed over a guy before. What was it about his blue eyes, and his accent, and the way he was a nice guy that did things to her.

Emma’s dress is a deep red colour, it was the perfect cut, showing just enough cleavage and her makeup is smoky, with a red lip to match. There was an issue though that she couldn’t do it up herself so she puts on her brave face and texts him.

‘Need help with my dress, please assist.’

She hears a knock not two minutes later and sees his head around the door, so she gestures for him to come in. He was dressed in his suit, all ready for tonight and Emma hated to admit it, but he looked hot.

“I can’t zip myself up.” She explains turning her back to him, holding the dress in place.

“A woman usually calls me to unzip her dress, not the other way round.” He says and she doesn’t need to see his face to know he was smirking. But still he manages to zip her up all the way, his hand lingering on the top of her back. She doesn’t move, as she feels the intensity of his hand lingering and suddenly becomes undone as he presses a kiss to her neck. She releases a groan.

At the sound of that he grabs her arm and pulls her around to face him and she takes the sudden opportunity to grab his face, bringing it towards her own and they waste no time in crashing lips together the way they had done before. His lips tasted of whiskey and sugar and it was the sweetest thing she’d ever tasted. It wasn’t long before his lips moved from hers to her neck, placing a kiss down the column of her neck causing her to arch her back.

“Minx.” He whispers in her ear and she can’t help the noise that comes out of her mouth.

She needs him more than she’s ever needed or wanted someone before. Her head was a minefield of feelings, she didn’t know what to think. But she knew this couldn’t go too far before they had a chance to actually speak. It takes everything in her to pull away from his kiss for more than a second.

“Killian.” She was trying to catch her breath, trying to sort her scrambled brain together. “We can’t. We have the party.” He was still kissing her neck and it would be so easy to say fuck the party and give in her to devilish desires to fuck him senselessly but no, David and Mary Margaret were expecting them and they’d worked so hard.

“Screw the party.” He says as he captures her lips again, and again she groans as she has to pull away for good.

“Easy tiger. Plenty of time for this later.” And she plans on revisiting this before the night is through.

The glint in his eyes is unlike anything she’d seen before, “you mean that?”

Emma kisses him again, “Definitely.”

___

David’s annual Christmas Eve party was a new tradition. It started after Ruth died. David had inherited the house and the barn and had no clue what to do with it, so he did what he did best and that was spend time with friends and family. And thus the annual Nolan Christmas Eve party was born. Given that everyone in this small town rarely left the small town, the guest list remained the same each year.

Practically everyone David went to high school with attended the party, he was well loved and as Sheriff of the town he was well respected. Mary Margaret was a 2nd grade teacher so she had parents of her kids come and celebrate. Even Snow's father and his wife would be in attendance as Snow didn’t like to cause a feud on Christmas.

It was a good excuse for people to get together, drink lots of alcohol and eat good food, especially as Ruby’s grandmother Granny was catering. At what must be almost 90 she was still a force to be reckoned with in the kitchen.

The barn looked beautiful, it was covered in fake snow and the eaves were covered in wreaths while flecks of gold and red shone through. Two large nutcrackers guarded the entryway where mistletoe hung to catch some unlucky couples and in the corner there was a large Christmas tree with presents that, knowing her brother, weren’t all fake. It was beautiful, there was no other way to describe it.

“This is incredible.” She says as she and Killian walk through the doors and she sees people in the midst of conversations.

Killian nodded in agreement. “Your brother knows how to throw a good party, I’ll give him that. Though nothing can beat the homecoming after party we had when he was out of town.”

Emma smiles at the memory. It was her first party where she felt free from Neal, she let herself have fun and yeah maybe she got too drunk for a 17 year old, but she had fun. She and Ruby belted their hearts out at karaoke and Killian was there holding her hair when she threw up in the bushes. It was right before Liam died so Liam picked Emma up with Killian who was in no fit state to drive either, he gave them water and made grilled cheese to help sober them both up before they went to sleep. She woke up the next morning with a mild hangover and Liam never said anything to David.

The two mingle for a while, catching up with school friends they’d not seen in a while. The handful of classmates who managed to get away from this town were also back from their respective cities, Boston or even as far as LA. It was nice to have an excuse to actually talk to people about their lives, instead of just stalking their social media pages.

“David and I would like to propose a toast.” Mary Margaret holds out her flute and raises it in the air towards their guests. “To friends, family. Friends who have become family,” she looks to where Emma and Killian are standing, “And most importantly, to the new family member who will be here next Christmas.” She holds a hand to her belly and everyone erupts. Emma has tears in her eyes at the thought of her brother becoming a father.

“I’m so happy for you both. I can’t believe you’re going to have a baby.” She hugs her brother, the tears still flowing.

“I hope you know this doesn’t mean we’re forgetting about you. You’ll always be my baby sister.” He holds the back of her head, the way he always used to when she was younger.

“I know you’re going to be a great father, you were an amazing big brother to me and this baby is so lucky.”

Her brother smiles widely at her, “You deserve happiness too, Emma. I’m glad you’ve opened your heart to Killian, I know it hasn’t been easy. But you’re surrounded by love.” She knows her brother is slightly drunk, he definitely needed that liquid courage for his announcement. “Killian has been pining for you for years, I don’t know what he said or did to make you take the plunge and go out with him, but I’m glad it worked. I’ve never seen you this happy, and you deserve this.”

Yeah, She needed to chat with Killian.

She finds him brooding in the corner nursing what she assumes is a rum and coke and his eyes light up when he sees her. “Congratulations on the niece or nephew, Swan. I gather your brother is excited?”

“Oh he’s excited for now but I know he’s going to be shitting himself in a month or two.” She laughs. David and Mary Margaret were going to be natural parents, but that doesn’t mean they’re not going to panic like crazy.

Things with Killian were just so easy. He knew exactly what to say, and she felt comfortable around him. She didn’t need to put on an act or pretend to be interested in something she really wasn’t. It’s one of the reasons why she and Graham broke up, he was really interested in politics and the justice system, and Emma felt like every date she had to research something to impress him and be prepared if he suddenly started complaining about a judge’s ruling. With Killian he didn’t care that she was clueless when it came to history, she knew enough and he was okay with that, she also didn’t mind when he would spend 20 minutes talking about the Romans and mythology, she would listen because he made it interesting. She knew he was a great teacher because of it.

“We need to talk.” she tells him, as fun as it was making out, she needed clarity. She didn’t want to be the one to break his heart.

They head outside to the back of the barn which had been the dedicated smoking area, with outdoor heaters and picnic benches.

“Are you in love with me?” She blurts out because she doesn’t know how else to phrase it.

Rightfully Killian is taken aback at the bluntness, “I - uh. Swan.”

Emma cringes at her outburst, she was making this harder than it needed to be. “I’m sorry, I’m not good at this. It’s just, my brother and Ruby have both told me how amazing it is that we’re together. Hell, tonight David said you’ve been pining for years and asked what it was that finally won me over.” She notices Killian getting redder the more she explains. “Ruby made me realise that we’ve been dating for years without even realising it. And I want you to know that was never my intention.”

“You never looked at me in high school probably because I was an acne ridden teenage boy with pretty horrible hygiene. Your attention was on an older guy in the wrong crowd who was cool and dangerous, but he broke your heart. You didn’t see me because my brother died and my father hated me, so how could you look at me and not pity me? You were the most beautiful girl in school, Emma. And I was so lucky you decided to be my friend. If you never loved me that would be okay, because you were my friend. Maybe I was foolish to think maybe one day you’d look at me as more than as a friend. I thought ‘Maybe if I buy her flowers when she’s upset and take her to dinner when her cop boyfriend broke up with her she’d look at me.’ But you never did.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She asks, voice breaking at the sudden admission.

“I guess I was afraid. I’d lost Liam, I lost my right hand. I didn’t want to lose you, Emma. After everything I’d lost, I still had my best friend and I think I’d break if I didn’t have you.”

“Killian. I’m sorry for asking you to be my fake boyfriend. It was stupid and if I knew how you felt- you must think I’m a horrible person.” She cringes, putting her face into her hands. She was a horrible person, she’d unknowingly taken advantage of a guy who's been in love with her for 15 years.

Killian takes her hands away from her face, forcing her to look at him. “Emma. I said yes because I wanted to help you, and you were right. It has stopped the pitying looks I would get. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with the mistletoe stuff and earlier, I didn’t think-“

Emma interrupts before he can continue “No, no you don’t have to apologise. I’m the one who made things worse by blurring the lines. I kissed you and then I felt confused because it felt so right but so wrong at the same time.”

“Swan, you don’t have to explain. We both got carried away, but I shouldn’t have put you in that position in the first place.”

“Killian. The past couple days have been so confusing, you’ve always been my best friend but you’ve never just been that, it’s always been more. And I think after a conversation with Ruby I realised maybe I’d been missing out by not dating you for real. I’m sorry for missing the signs all these years, but I never looked at you with pity. I’m a former foster kid who was attracted to danger and I made mistakes, and you lost your brother and protector way too young. Both of us are broken, but I feel like with you everything just makes sense.” She doesn’t know why she didn’t realise it sooner.

“Can I kiss you again, Emma?” He asks and she smiles at him, a true smile she reserves for only the special people in her life.

“Please do.” And he captures her lips, softly this time. It wasn’t quick and hard like the past couple of times, it was gently asking for permission to go further rather than demand it. It’s the way their first kiss should have gone.

_________

They were back at the house within minutes, trying not to make it too obvious what they were rushing back for, but for once Emma didn’t care what other people thought.

“Too many clothes.” She comments, hands palming the buttons of his shirt, he’d pulled his jacket off and thrown it on the floor as soon as they entered before diving right into her lips.

Killian makes quick work of the zip on her dress and it quickly falls to the floor as his kisses continue, from the corner of her lips to her ear and then down her neck as she unclasps her bra, tossing it across the room.

“Killian” she can’t help but moan as the pressure in her core intensifies, she feels herself getting wetter and wetter at every kiss. She needed more. His hand cups her left breast, and his cool touch is enough to harden her nipple alone but then his fingers rub and pinch whilst his mouth makes moves on her right.

“Please Killian. Please,” she never begged when she was with a guy, they didn’t usually spend as much time with foreplay, they went straight in. Not Killian though, he was special, this was different. He was worshipping her.

“What do you want, love?” He asks and she could come alone from that sultry voice.

“You. Please. Gods, I need you.”

The devilish grin on his face appears and his lips travel south down her naval where he presses another soft kiss above her belly button before moving down to her thighs where she knows her underwear was soaked. “All this for me?”

His hand touches the soaking wet fabric and there was no use lying about how desperate she was for him, not when she was moaning like a porn star. He pulls her panties down and his touch is electricHe teases her folds, gathering her wetness in his fingers and then brings it up to his mouth and licks his fingers, which Emma didn’t realise was a turn on until that moment.

He kisses her so she can taste herself on him and then his mouth is on her core again, his tongue lapping at her increasing wetness. She grabs at his hair, pulling him closer as the pressure intensifies. His tongue licks up and down and then he finds her clit and Emma was in heaven.

He slips a finger inside and she’s on fire, finding the right angle, he pumps his finger in and out until adding a second and she throws her head back, crying begging for more as he finger fucks her.

“Right there! Harder! Please!” She begged.

“I’ve wanted this for so long.” He whispers and Emma knows deep down, maybe she has, too.

“Killian” she moans again, she was missing out all these years if sex with him was this good.

“You’re still wearing too many clothes.” She reaches out to unbutton his pants and she can already see pre cum leaking from his underwear. She knew he was going to be large but when she pulls his boxers down and sees him already hard and ready for her is something she was not prepared for.

Killian groans at the simple touch of her hand on his cock and she smiles knowing it was her turn to make him in pain. Her lips touch the tip, causing him to tense before she takes him in her mouth and bobs her head up and down, her hand taking over where she couldn’t fit anymore of him.

“Tell me what you want, love.” He asks in a breathy moan

“You. Inside me. Now.”

He flashes her a wicked grin and kisses her softly before lining himself up and guiding his cock into her, edging himself in slowly.

Emma feels a wave of euphoria at the feel of his cock in her, rolling her hips against him trying to find the perfect rhythm as he thrusts into her inch by inch.

“Swan, you feel so good.” He mumbles, hand in her hair and she could only groan in agreement, he felt so good.

“I’m so close.” She breathes as Killian thrusts some more and his thumb brushes over her throbbing clit and Emma can’t help but scream his name ‘Killian!’

The sound of Emma screaming his name is what causes Killian to release fully and Emma knows she’s never had an orgasm such as this before.

He kisses her softly and slowly again. A promise that this was not the first or last time they would do this to another’s bodies.

___

Christmas morning Emma wakes once again wrapped up in Killians arms and she lets herself enjoy it without the guilt because there was no going back now. Maybe her brother was right, and it had been Killian all along.

[randybutternubber]

Heyyyyyyy do you have any funny head canons on the children :-9 if they squabble and stuff in your opinion. Give me the sillies !!!!! (I do too but I wanna hear urs)

YOU HAVE OPENED THE GATES OF HELL PREPARE FOR MY BORDERLINE SEVEN PAGE ESSAY ON THESE RANDOM FUCKING CHILDREN

I decided to do the ones that get less attention in general, especially since I have the most thoughts on them

HCs under cut because I may have gone overboard with the length

Ghost kid

Best friends with a batmin ball that had a very poorly drawn face on it from the age of six to eight.

Sebbo (spoon girl) buried the batmin ball using a spoon as a shovel after it got neutered by the barber (he thought it was a bug and shat his pants)

Not a native of the nowhere and was taken to the nowhere on Halloween, hence the ghost costume

Lost their arm pretty quickly after being taken to the Nowhere. he’s quite a friendly child and is very compassionate towards animals, but unfortunately, this has its downsides as not all animals in the Nowhere want help.

Friends with Sebbo

Has been squatting in houses since day 1 of living in the Nowhere and has no plans to stop

Would go CRAZY for squishmallows

Doesn’t have well formed empathy/sympathy for humans but is super compassionate towards animals

Zero concept of gender and doesn’t care what you call them, he just want to pet your dog

Nonverbal but has very expressive body language

Spoon girl

Her name is sebbo (based off of game files)

She sneezes like a middle aged divorced golf dad and due to her nose bleed these sneezes are NOT victimless

LEGENDARY rage tantrums

Literally only wants to watch gen 1 my little pony, Formula One, or a very specific documentary about some random Swedish sheep wool factory

Swedish

If you compare her to pippy longstockings you will end up needing to go to urgent care for a rabies shot

Calls ghost kid Ande (sounds like Andeh) which means spirit in Swedish. (His file name is actually spöke for anyone wondering, which also means ghost/spirit in Swedish. The only reason I’m not giving him the Sebbo naming treatment is that spöke absolutely does not sound like it’s spelled (sounds like Spurkeh) and Ande actually sounds like a name. I’m a quarter swedish and have a very Swedish family on my white side so I got the most incomprehensible Swedish lessons in the car ever, so please don’t roast me in the reblogs if I got this wrong, I remember like five words and this is one of them, same thing with Korean😭

Living embodiment of “ANDE WE’RE 10 NOW, WE SAY CRAP, NOT POOP”

Broke one of her legs at some point in the Nowhere and ended up in the hospital (HC based off of concept art where she was in a wheelchair and using crutches)

Has severe trauma revolving around doctors and medical stuff

Has never seen another ginger in her entire life but will fight to be the alpha

Warrior cats kid

Expert at digging and climbing out of holes, THE CHILDREN YEARN FOR THE MINES!!!

Rusty

Has a cleft lip

This isn’t a HC but something that not a lot of people realize; he has a lisp

Only reason I’m not drawing him as ginger because of his name is because I also designed Noone as ginger and he lost in a 1v1 to a rabid cabbage patch kid. He’s been through enough

He’s around 14

Very lithe

Despite being a trapeze and tightrope performer, he is TERRIFIED of heights, making his experience at the circus even worse

The dummy has been malding over Rusty for a ridiculously long period of timeand bro had no fucking idea and nobody even knows the reason why 💀

Also a warrior cats kid but kept in on the downlow. Yes he did name himself Rusty after firestar but if you tell anyone he will cry

Noone

A nice kid but will deadass ask some of the most insensitive questions and has NO idea. Also verbally cooked a middle aged man and spent like a whole episode sassing him so she can definitely be mean if she wants to

Also has really severe medical trauma along with trauma from being paraded around on TV because she was the first person to be cured of whatever the shit water sickness is

Her real name was Ruth, but once she started forgetting her parents (they basically ditched her anyways 😭) she started just using Noone as her real name

Master of inappropriately prolonged periods of intense eye contact

Really dislikes/is afraid of dolls/dummies because of what happened to Rusty/in JuJubee’s toyshop

Very untrusting of people post Nowhere abduction because of how Otto treated her and because of the ferryman. Plus basically every kid she met in TSON was met with a terrible fate (Goo kid is probably alive but she doesn’t know that)

Autism (all these children got some sort of neurodivergence though, I mean just look at them)

WORST BACKSEAT DRIVER EVER (ASKED TO LEAVE THE ROWBOAT)

Has a few scars on her face from her right before she had a seizure when getting clockwork oranged. She tried to take the mri suction thingies off her head but she ended up scratching up her face in her panic

[goeldicotton]

Found this randomly, and just decided to answer all the questions for Eleven and River.

1. River, not to say Eleven isn’t affectionate, but he doesn’t ever say how he feels directly. which resulted in River assuming he didn’t love her at all, so yeah, she wins.

2. River is the little spoon, because Eleven likes to play with her hair while she’s asleep.

3. I mean, I could say the whole spoilers thing, but that’s easy, so instead…probably arguments about killing people.

4. Exploring. they’re both nerds. he’s the doctor, she’s an archaeologist. Yeah, exploring.

5. Already drew it, the answer is River. One, she’d fight him if he tried to pick her up. Two, Eleven is a stick. Three, River being badass is half the reason Eleven is into her. her picking him up would fluster the idiot to no end, and I love that.

6. Eleven: Hair River: His Blushing

7. Eleven: starts flirting back River: stops trying to kill him?

8. Hello Sweetie~

9. Depends on which end of the timeline we’re on. River in her past was reckless and violent, and probably saw the doctor as a complete stick in the mud, with all his spoilers, and rules. Towards the end however, she was the one teaching him his own rules. (that’s what we call a bootstrap paradox.) meaning she had to be the worrying responsible one.

10. The Doctor remembers almost every detail about River. he could tell you the exact thing she’d order, even at a place they’ve never been to, just by glancing at the menu.

11. Usually River.

12. Still River.

13. That one is Eleven. River would never think to hold hands, unless she was dragging him somewhere.

14. River, the doctor is too busy fidgeting/melting into the floor.

15. The doctor barely sleeps.

16. Surprisingly enough, I think that’s Eleven. It’s not to sleep mind you. He’d just want to spend more time with her before dropping her back off, especially towards the end of his timeline.

17. River, I don’t think Eleven ever says it, not to her. he’s probably said it to himself, or even to other people, but he never got around to telling her.

18. I imagine Eleven would leave meals for her on occasion towards the end of their timelines. Mainly when he was running out of days he could see her. they’d usually have notes with random jokes and things. they were his way of saying ‘I love you have a good day/night,’ without actually saying it.

19. River

20. They’re supportive…at least, as much as one can be when your friend marries your daughter. I think they took it well honestly.

21. Eleven, he asks her to dance at nearly any opportunity.

22. River can’t cook. surprisingly enough, cooking a decent meal wasn’t part of her kill the doctor training. Eleven on the other hand, can cook quite well. he tried to teach her once, and the kitchen caught on fire.

23. Eleven is the king of cheesy pickup lines.

24. River, all the time, especially when she was younger.

25. Eleven, but only because River functions without it. She definitely needs assurance that her husband loves her, because it’s eating her up inside, but she’s still able to do things regardless. The doctor meanwhile, has moments where, without assurance, he’s going to fuck up the universe.

26. IDK you yet

27. Eleven.

28. Eleven: travel River: depends, either school, jail, digs, or teaching.

29. One for each.

River never traveled with the doctor, because she feared her husband would come to resent her for risking their timelines.

The Doctor has thought of millions of different ways he could save River from the library, but is so afraid of failing, that he hasn’t attempted any of them.

30. One for each.

River always keeps a box of Jammie dodgers around in case Eleven drops by. she’s been doing this since university.

Eleven’s diary is nothing but him gushing about his wife. like it’s just full of him complimenting her, and writing awful poems, and sketching her. He’s definitely written down that he loves her, even if he’d never said it.

[keikakudom]

Agsudisg I'm so glad you liked it, Kazi, I literally sat down the moment I finished reading and started drawing cuz you freaking killed me, I MEAN, vox being stubborn and denying help, and Alastor stubbornly giving him the aid he needs, but crouched in their respective toxic egos and self-image? So delicious. Alastor, who needs to know why he was left behind, and vox who's desperately pouring himself into the new thing... Ahhhh...

The part where he implies he really was running off to die...and Alastor goes all soft...the shared frequency, the antenna petting... I reread that multiple times bc it's so good...and the claws, the claws, vox denies wanting help from alastor to the last, but the claws!

(also we tots need full seasons and reruns of 'Let's Shit on Vox', I bet Alastor even encourages to call in with more info, not that anyone would bc they're too scared. Hey, does carmilla have to listen his obsession LOL)

Btw for the artist questions, if you want, 9, 14, 30?

YOU NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME GUSH, ES AAAA...oh lemme tell you when I lock-in, i do NOT fuck around with toxic old men yaoi. When I get better at writing, I hope to capture all their glory✨

I have never really written in this particular weird genre, I don't even know what to call it? Disgustingly intimate love/hate? At least, that's what I aspire for it to be XD

Heheh the part where "Alastor goes all soft" is also a little on the part of RR!AU characterization, so it's a bit exaggerated. He's trying to ween his way in appealing to Vox again, but RR!AU Vox is just so tired. Alastor keeps bringing up the past....This was kind of a wacky scenario to write because it does skip/make you infer a lot of stages of development, but the AU is close enough to canon that I think it's not far to imagine filling in the gaps hhh....

LMFAO yes, Alastor def encourages call-ins, "The 'Let's Shit on Vox' show, your one-stop opportunity to diss Hell's most saturated overlord!" -- on the rare occasion someone actually called in, Alastor killed whoever said something off about Vox that wasn't to his "flavor" of hate.

Carmilla has already read through these two idiots and just rolls her eyes at their immaturity. If she's there for Alastor's radio show, she's just in the background, utterly done and convinced they're playing everything up for entertainment at this point. Now that has me thinking, if Alastor ever started feeling something unfamiliar and god-forbid genuinely *good*(????), he would probably consult Rosie or Carmilla for it first........and Vox would ask Charlie.....oh..........

Aaaand Artist Questions under the cut, TYSM for the ask <33

9. What are your file name conventions?

I have terrible file organization. Many of them are named "a", "aa3", "asgv", "fhgh", or other random keyboard smashes. Recently, I have a bad habit of naming files "sketch1", "sk1", "skht1", or some misspelled way-- it's gotten so bad I'm up to "sketch22".... I find things by icon only.

14. Any favorite motifs?

Straight edges and shapes, maybe? I started drawing with an anime style though I'm mostly into western media-- I think it's very satisfying to have nice shape design/silhouettes though, but I don't draw in a super cartoony or exaggerated style so it's kind of hard to tell that I like and have fun doing it. I'm kind of scattered and like to dip my foot into everything unfortunately.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated?

None really, but if I had to pick one for HH, maybe this one.

For my older art, definitely this one. I mean, I don't love it anymore, but I really thought I ATE with the concept at the time.

[writingreadingdaydreaming]

random ask, but you know how some people say that declan is like a pr footballer, in the sense that everything he says seems media trained and planned to perfection to paint him in the best light?

well, i was thinking about your omega declan headcanon and the trauma he had to go through becoming a mum as a teen along with actually going into labour and now i'm thinking of declan in omegaverse trying to become the squeaky clean, ultra-perfect, never-puts-a-foot-wrong omega footballer in everything that he does because in his head he's already done so much wrong. like yeah, he loves his son and wouldn't trade him for the world and being a footballer means he has enough money and resources to take care of him, yet he still feels like a failure because his son is growing up without his father in his life and declan is always away for a match whether it's for club or country and he feels as if his son barely knows him. then there's the whole trauma with nesting, something that should be innate and comforting for omegas but it just freaks him the hell out after everything that's happened.

so now its like, he can't be a good mother to his son, he can't be a good omega because he's broken inside, so the only thing left is football and if he fucks that up, then he literally has nothing left.

so he puts on a smile for the media, answers their questions with the words they want to hear while simultaneously not giving too much away for the sake of his club. he speaks to all of his teammates, gets to know them on and off the pitch, gets close to them so they see him as a warm friendly figure and interacts with their social media post so everyone can see what a welcoming individual he is. he speaks highly of his teammates, speaks highly of his manager, always comes off as humble and grateful for the journey he's been on and where he's reached so far. but he also makes sure that they know that he's talented, that he can put the words and hopes into action on the pitch, can command the midfield and doesn't allow himself to be bullied around. they sometimes catch some pictures of him with his son (i am so sorry but i've completely forgotten his name!) and the media run some whole "from midfield to motherhood" type saga on the pages when they get photographed and it gives declan the opportunity to gush about his son and talk about balancing motherhood with playing. when they ask him if it gets too much, if he has to choose between the two what will happen, his perfect glowing smile falters and his eye twitches slightly, but not enough to give anything away. he tells them that it is impossible to choose, and he's not lying.

it's all so utterly exhausting trying to be perfect. but declan had already used up all his mistakes, was practically in debt from it so he had no choice but to be perfect.

Just wanna start by saying when I saw this anon I literally screamed cause I scrolled and it just kept going and going with all this stuff I have been wanting to talk about for ages but never got the chance to so thank you so fucking much.

And just for reference Declan’s son is called Callum, but it’s honestly fine that you forgot, I haven’t talked about it enough for anyone but me to remember 🤣

And honestly I love this perspective on it. Getting pregnant at 14 (and giving birth at 15) would make anyone feel like a failure from the get go, especially when that pregnancy results in him being released from the Chelsea academy. He had to claw his way back into the sport and he’s so grateful for everything because it was almost ripped away from him so violently. But there’s still a weight in his stomach watching Callum’s subtle reaction when Declan tells him that he’s gonna have to spend the next two nights with his grandparents or with his uncle Mark (Noble). It’s slight but it’s there. A silent disappointment and acceptance that’s especially strong on European nights or days in Merseyside or Tyneside. Callum is by far old enough to understand why, but it doesn’t quite take the sting out of it all the time.

As for the situation between Declan, Callum, and Callum’s father - Callum’s biological dad actually is in his life, but not in a meaningful way. He’s pretty emotionally abusive and manipulative. Him and Declan aren’t dating, but he’s scared to not let him around Callum, plus the fact that he abused Declan during his pregnancy too. But he does this grand show of turning up at their front door every few months, staying for a few days or a couple weeks and managing to win them both over again before deciding that he’s had enough fun and leaving without a trace again. Callum has grown to resent his dad and it’s a big source of arguments between Callum and Declan.

The thing about nesting is that it’s not as big of an issue for Callum as it is for Declan. Callum has other omegas in his life who can show him how to nest, and he knows how to make one and why they’re beneficial - he just personally chooses not to do it very often on the off-chance that his mom wonders into his room, sees a nest, and freaks out (these ‘freak outs’ actually being PTSD flashbacks from having a severe haemorrhage and believing his son was dead while giving birth in a hospital nest). It bothers Declan far more than it bothers Callum, because Declan has the added stressor of knowing how good nesting used to feel for him - I mean, he basically spent his entire pregnancy in his nest - and knowing that the feeling has been long destroyed.

And ultimately, yeah, Declan is the perfect omega footballer. Aggressive and passionate on the pitch but perfectly humble and funny off of it. He’s digestible. Doesn’t get involved in controversy or mishaps. Just a little cookie cutter of what omega players can and should be. And it’s not like he’s fake or putting on a different personality, cause he’s not, but it’s more like constantly trying to be in a good and bubbly mood, even when he’s on the verge of a panic attack cause he unexpectedly walked in on one of his omega teammates preparing a nest for after the game.

One thing he’s become very good at is controlling his scent and hiding his basically constant anxiety from the media.

And a midfield to motherhood piece? Well that would just put the cherry on the cake. Personal questions are thrown at him and his PR wall starts to crumble. By this point, Callum would be around 10, meaning that he’s still a kid but getting to the age where he’s starting to hit puberty and hormonal changes happen aka Declan and Callum are fighting a lot more than they used to. Also ramped up a million times by the fact that Callum is really badly struggling with Mason leaving for Manchester and not being a constant grounding force in both his and his mom’s life. Callum is developing an attitude and Declan’s patience is wearing thin, and that’s is never a good combo. So while he’s gushing to some journalist and how he wouldn’t change anything about his family for the world, he knows that his son doesn’t say ‘I love you’ to him before he goes to sleep anymore.

But you’re right. He’s already in debt with mistakes. Failed his parents, failed his Chelsea coaches, currently failing his son.

I know you didn’t mention this but another thing would be that during all this, Declan is dealing with an insane amount of internalised homophobia and comphet, and struggling to accept the fact that he’s actually a lesbian. And not only a lesbian, but a lesbian that is in love with his omega best friend, Mason Mount (Mason is openly a lesbian, but refuses to process that he is also in love with Declan, cause he’s under the presumption that Declan is straight). And that’s a whole other can of worms on top of an already swarming garden of pests.

Declan kind of feels like a porcelain doll who will shatter at a strong wind. Shame is he just doesn’t know when that wind is coming.

God I absolutely LOVED writing this so if you or anyone else has any other questions about omega Declan Rice or omegaverse in general please spam the inbox!!!

[veephoenix]

hello hello hello random ass question but you're an English major and I want to know what your favourite books are and why thank you very much 🥰

Dear Laura,

hi hi hi!! You just asked what's probably my favorite question ever and of course, I got carried away. I'm sorry if this is too long!

Surprisingly enough, none of the books I had to read at uni are my favorite 😅 Obviously, I had to read the classics (Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights...) and I'm not a very big fan of those. They also forced Shakespeare down my throat for a couple of years and I ended up having a love/hate relationship with his works and his persona lol (I love the town where he was born, tho, it's my favorite town in England). 🤍

I read a lot, and I read a lot of everything. If you ever see my bookshelf you will see stuff ranging from Nicholas Sparks' novels to Stephen King's works (he's one of my fav authors) to some really fucked up stories like We Need to Talk about Kevin or My Absolute Darling (I actually loved these last two).

If you ever want to know, I have a favorite book for every genre. But my absolute all time favorite books are The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield, and The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (I literaly cry for days every time I read this one).

The Thirteenth Tale is, most of all, a Gothic novel, and I love all things Gothic. This is definitely my go-to comfort read at any time. It has many classic Gothic elements and it can be somewhat predictable at times, but I was not expecting the plot twist toward the end. I love it for its setting in an abandoned manor and a main character with a quiet nature, who adores books and stories, and is emotionally scarred from childhood trauma.

I would define The Time Traveler's Wife as a romance novel with magical realism, and totally heartbreaking. It's got a touch of sci-fi with the time traveling thing, but it's not exactly what you would expect. I really don't like sci-fi stories and I think one of the reasons why I fell in love with this one is because of the way the author deals with that in the book. To summarize, the story follows Henry and Clare as they navigate life while coping with Henry's genetic condition, which causes him to randomly time travel. The curious thing about his condition is that, when he time travels, he often finds himself meeting Clare at different stages of her life; when she's a little girl, then a teenager, and then when she's an adult and they're married. The first time I read this book, I was a teenager and I found it really beautiful, innovating, and sad. The second time, I had already experienced being in love, so I felt everything between Henry & Clare's relationship on a deeper level, and towards the end, the story gets so heartbreaking that I was crying for days on train journeys, at work, and at home (I have to say that I'm a very sensible person and a crybaby lol).

However, there's also one other book that I read when I was 14 or so called The Wishing Game by Patrick Redmond that I've loved ever since, but its somewhat controversial for me because I fell in love with the 'villain' and was supportive of all his crimes 🫣 I think the reason why I empathized with him was because I read the story while I was in my teenage years, in my glorious high school days, and as most of us, I didn't really fit it, and sometimes I felt really neglected and angry, so I guess it was sort of comforting to read about a boarding school where the bullies start mysteriously dying 😶‍🌫️

What about you? Any favorite books? Oh, I love talking about books! This message put a big smile on my face sfsadfnsdsdfasjn 💞