#and q was the one who had to rescue him

[comradeboyhalo]

Q!BadBoyHalo Lore Masterpost Pt.2

Pt. 1 here. If you're familiar with early QSMP, I think it's fine to start with this one. A recap on most of Bad's backstory can be found here.

Links lead to youtube vods, but they're also available on Bad's twitch channel. Some vods have been excluded for dropped plotlines.

☆: Most important vods in my opinion for q!Bad’s lore if you’re really short on time.  

☆Dapper's Secret: Really fun and cute vod of Leo babysitting, but towards the end of the vod (5 hours in), Dapper asks Bad some cryptic questions/warnings.

Nether Trip: The islanders go to the Nether and find some books. Unsure of future relevance.

☆New Members: Bad and the other islanders go on a mission to rescue the new members from ice chambers. He also talks about being a demon after meeting Ironmouse.

Dapper's Secret Pt 2: 3 hours in, Bad searches for Dapper and can't find him. He investigates Dapper's shed and walks inside to see blueprints and notes. He eventually finds Dapper at his ant farm.

Dapper's Secret Pt 3: Dapper remains cryptic about his projects throughout the stream. Five hours in, Bad and Pomme enter the shed again.

☆Dapper's Secret Pt 4: QSMP Among Us for the first 2 hours. Afterwards, Bad starts stream reading one of Dapper's books, and he and Pomme later find Dapper at the cemetery.

Furniture Thief: Someone has stolen furniture, and Bad is accused of the crime.

☆☆ Dapper's Experiments: The reveal of what Dapper has been working on. This stream is both heartbreaking and necessary to understand all following BBH lore. (This stream mentions Bonnie the Felsteed, and you can learn more about them here. Not necessary though.)

☆☆ The Eggs' Disappearance: Bad finds out that the eggs have vanished in the first part of the stream. This is the beginning to Bad slowly losing saturation in his skin.

☆ Soul Vultures: At the end of the stream, around 3:18:00, Bad goes back to Dapper's laboratory. The beginning of this stream connects afterwards.

☆ Acceptance: At 1:40:00, Bad questions Fed workers, reminisces in the graveyard, then introduces us to his new...guest. 1:38:00 in the next vod connects.

The Maze: Introduction to Boo, and then the islanders investigate a maze linked to the egg's disappearance. Stream ends at Dapper's laboratory.

Bagi's Arrival: The islanders break out Bagi, and Bad wishes a missing Pomme happy birthday.

☆Interrogation: In the beginning of the stream, Bad questions the Fed Worker. Bad continues to visit the worker (Ron) at the end of each stream following.

☆Puppet: The stream opens with Bad visiting Ron again. Bad and Foolish talk around 3:45:00 and it's genuinely one of the most insane conversations Bad has every had, lorewise. I'd also recommend watching it from Foolish's POV, because his facial expressions show everything.

Who Can We Trust: Bad has Baghera meet Ron. The Federation and the other islanders start investigating Bad for suspected kidnapping. Baghera also has a great conversation with Bad here about Ron 45 minutes in.

☆The Break: Bad has a complete breakdown (tw derealization, paranoia) of Cucurucho in his home.

☆☆Opening Up to Tina: Now this is thee most insane conversation Bad has ever had. Tina's POV, and Bad lays out all his feelings on the table 5 hours in.

Ron's Home: 3 hours in, Bad reveals what happened to Ron.

Día De Los Muertos: Very sweet event where the dead eggs visit again, and Bad spends the day with them.

☆☆Purgatory: Day 1 and the Day 13 are the two must-watch vods. Link goes to the playlist. Would recommend watching the entirety of Purgatory to understand the elite Soulfire bond.

☆☆Are We Back?: Bad's return from Purgatory, and the start of an arc that will take him from now to the QSMP's end.

☆The Desert: Continuing from the previous vod, each stream opens with Bad wandering a strange, washed-out desert. The openings are a must-watch, and the rest of the vods are a great insight onto Bad's declining health as well.

New Eggs: Bad meets the new eggs (no special intro on this one). Also 34:00 is both subtle and heartbreaking.

Dapper Wakes Up: Dapper and Bad reunite

Climbing Up

No Escape From Reality: more of a chill day, 4:50:00 really shows his worsened state

QSMP Prison: Mini-event that's not super relevant for Bad's personal lore, but it was very fun to watch! Day 1 / Day 2 / Day 3 (starts 4 hrs in)

New World: Starts 3:15:00 in, Bad wakes up into the new QSMP world. Chill stream, mostly exploring the new environment.

☆Healing and Recovery: Bad wakes up with memory loss.

Before the End: The next vods are all a slow build up of Bad's deteriorating health, as shown mainly through his skin. Recommending 8:00:00 of this vod and 6:00:00 of this vod for some sweet egg talks.

Happy Saturday's: Bad builds a house with the late night eggs.

☆☆ Sweet Despair: What's this? Oh it's fucking cinema. The culmination of every single stream before it.

Egg POVs: The next vods follow around Dapper and Pomme as they cope with their father's death, from the POV of the ghosties. Not 100% necessary to watch because it's mostly slice of life, but I'd suggest watching the first one.

Absence / Fading Light / Funeral Preparations / Happy Days / The Last Day

☆☆Reunion: Bad comes back. I think this vod is a great ending to this arc (but you can also watch the follow-up vod here), as the stream itself follows such a strong storyline.

Please let me know if any links are broken and if there are any vods I should add!

[untitled-tmnt-blog]

Summary of some answers from today's Q&A with Ron Corcillo!

(July 29, 2023)

Bullet points are below the cut, since it's a pretty long list! Some combine multiple answers, and they're categorized for ease of reading (obviously not every single answer is included, but I tried to get most of the ones I thought people might find interesting!)

Apocalyptic Future

The turtles were fighting side by side with Cassandra when Casey Jr was born, and Leo trained him to be a warrior. Casey Jr only has brief memories of his mother from when he was very young, and he was mostly raised by Leo.

The chips on Leo's plastron are probably battle scars.

Mikey was likely the equivalent of being in his 70's. He was powerful enough that he could unlock almost any mystic ability you could think of, but using them took a toll on him physically. The more powerful the ninpo, the more potential it has to sap your energy.

Mikey can open up portals through all of space and time (as opposed to Leo, who can mostly portal over relatively short distances), but it took him a long time to get to that level of ability.

Mikey probably grew a little taller than seen in the movie, but shrank as the use of his powers depleted him. Donnie would be slightly taller than Leo, and Raph would be at least 6'6".

The characters have obviously taken hits and lost some things from years of fighting the Krang, but Leo still does have his ninpo.

They never worked out the specifics for how Raph and Donnie died, just that they lost their lives in the war against the Krang.

Future Leo was mortally wounded in his bleeding side, and that was why he didn't go with Casey to the past.

If season 2 hadn't been cut short

The sudden declaration of Leo as leader wouldn't have happened, and was more of a joke because of how abruptly the show ended. The original plan was for the transition to be drawn out over much of season 3. Raph and Leo probably would have been co-leaders for a while, and the transfer of leadership wouldn't have caused tension since Raph would like to share the burden. There might have been some situations where Mikey or Donnie took the lead, too. Ron never saw the turtles as a group where there had to be one absolute leader.

Karai would have lived for much longer, and been training the boys in person for a number of episodes.

If there was a season 3 / plans they had for future seasons

They probably wouldn't have ever taken a dark turn with the show, but may have gotten into more of an extended plot line after the movie.

The missing sister who was Big Mama's henchperson would probably have been a very disciplined super serious ninja, to the point where she's actually funny. She was going to be named after a female artist, possibly Frida Kahlo, and the turtles would have had to win her back from Big Mama by helping her to see that she had been brainwashed as a child.

Their other missing sister was going to be trapped in another dimension for years, and might have been "a little kooky" from being there so long. The turtles would have split up to rescue their sisters, but there were no definite plans beyond that.

We would definitely see Casey Jr again. Ron would love to see a spin-off where Casey and Cassandra roam the world and fight the Krang and remnants of the Foot.

It was going to be revealed that a Krang spaceship had crashed into the back of the crying titan in the Hidden City. The ship's fuel was the source of the ooze that gives the Yokai their power, and possibly the origin of the Yokai themselves. The crashed spaceship is what drew the invasion there a thousand years ago.

Mikey's powers could have opened the door to some multiverse episodes.

We might have seen some redemption from Big Mama, but then also seen her relapse to her villainous ways.

The Rat King likely would have been the next big villain. Shredder's story is pretty resolved, so they wouldn't have gone back to him, but maybe they could have revived the dark armor. There were no existing plans for Bishop, but once the turtles became better known heroes, he could be a thorn in their side. They would have done a lot more with the Krang.

Donnie probably thinks he's much smarter than Raph, so it would have been fun to do an episode where he got to see how Raph beats him in common sense and emotional intelligence.

The turtles would probably talk to Karai's Hamato spirit when they need guidance.

Season 3 would pick up where the movie left off. They would have launched a new story right away, but the aftermath would have been in the background. We would have seen how they changed as a result of the movie events, as well as how they deal with now being in the public eye as heroes.

Miscellaneous

The 2012 series was very traditional TMNT, so a big goal of Rise was to mix things up. Making Raph the leader opened up a lot of possibilities for both Leo and Raph: Raph didn't have to be angry all the time about not being the leader, and Leo was free to be cocky and fun-loving. It was a breath of fresh air for writers who had done previous TMNT versions.

As for how the turtles take after Yoshi: Donnie got a lot of his cockiness from him, as did Leo. Mikey senses that Yoshi misses his family, and that's part of the reason he always tries to hold the family together. Raph got his courage and sense of duty from him.

For Halloween, Raph would be a kitten, Mikey would be a lion, Leo would be a rock star, and Donnie would be J. Robert Oppenheimer.

Raph's favorite music is R&B, Leo's is glam rock, Donnie's is techno, and Mikey likes boy bands.

When asked about the turtles "favorite" brothers (obviously they all love each other): Mikey is Raph's favorite. As much as Leo gives Donnie a hard time, he really likes him. Ultimately, the three younger brothers all really look up to Raph.

The turtles all had their mystic powers inherently, but they didn't know it and couldn't unlock them without a little boost. Their mystic weapons acted as a conduit.

Splinter has a lot of power that hasn't been revealed, and there's a good chance he can do anything the boys can do if he really tries (which is how he could use Leo's portals). Their powers all would have grown and expanded over time.

Ron really likes fanart of the turtles, Splinter, and April in emotional family situations, as that is the heart of the show.

They didn't really get into romance in the show, but fans are free to use their imagination.

Hueso would never admit it, but he and Leo do have a close friendship.

While Ron doesn't think the show will be brought back any time soon since Nick's focus is on Mutant Mayhem (which he thinks Rise fans will enjoy, since they seem to have a lot in common), he does think it could be brought back further down the road. The most helpful thing is fans' continued support through watching, posting, and spreading the word!

[forgetyoursingalongsandlullabies]

I’m thinking about the TMA S4 Q&A where Alex asks Jonny “Who knew that Jon liked Martin first, Jon or Martin?” And Jonny answers “Georgie”. I’ve already made my statement on Georgie knowing Jon had feelings for Martin before Jon did. My current thought is that this particular question was one that Alex himself asked Jonny, it wasn’t one of the Q&A questions asked by the audience which means to Alex’s mind there is a world in which Martin knew Jon had feelings for him before Jon even knew. And to be honest that would make so much sense as to why Martin put up with Jon’s shitty behavior towards him for so long and stayed so loyal to him. Like yeah the man definitely has a humiliation/degradation kink or something but also maybe he knew there was something there and just knew he needed to nurture it.

I’m on record saying Jon developed feelings for Martin in season 2 but I also think it is possible that Jon thought Martin was at least very cute upon first laying eyes on him. I think in season 1 Jon tries very hard to be a professional and masked his uncertainty and fear with arrogance and condescension. Ordinarily Jon would think it is unprofessional to talk shit about his assistant on tape even if he doesn’t like him, except that Jon is actively working to not like Martin and the best way to convince yourself of something is to keep saying it out loud. On Martin’s first day in the archives Jon saw this sweet man chasing a dog and first thought ‘Oh no he’s an idiot and I have to be his boss’ but he also thought ‘Oh no he’s cute and I have to be his boss’ so he takes that initial disapproval and dials it up to 10 and just rolls with it to mask and dilute the moment when he thought Martin was a cutie patootie and try to never have that thought again. But we all know that Martin is a lot more perceptive than he lets on and is also a manipulative son of a bitch. Jon is not an amazing liar and maybe Martin saw some part of Jon protesting a little much and thought oh yeah this guy is into me and Martin developed his mild S1 crush. By the time Martin had his first encounter with Jane Prentiss he had let go of the inkling that Jon might like him too and thought Jon actually does hate him but when Jon offers to let Martin stay in the archives to protect him Martin is just kind of like Oh it’s on. So going forward from the moment Jon has Martin move into the archives Martin is flirtier and bolder with Jon.

Through season 2 when Jon is obviously going crazy with paranoia Martin just pushes himself in closer to Jon. First of all he gifts the man the ashes of his enemy as if that’s normal! But also Martin brings Jon tea and hovers around him during lunch and talks to him casually and kindly when nobody else does and makes it Jon’s idea to go to lunch with him even though Jon is supposed to be suspicious of him. He nurtures Jon the way someone would a rescue cat, being kind through the hissing and scratching until you get slow blinks from them and they nervously make sure you’re sitting there to guard them while they eat.

By season 3 when Daisy is interrogating Martin she tells him that everyone she’s spoken to tells her that Jon and Martin are close. Just how did that happen to the extent that any given person at the institute who is asked would say so, at a time when for all intents and purposes Jon was actually pushing away everyone else who knew him? Martin was working hard and he knew what he was doing and he also knew it wasn’t a lost cause. To digress just a moment, when my mom was first dating my stepdad (whom she has now been happily married to for 20 years) he was being kind of noncommittal and on-again-off-again but she would say to me all the time “He loves me he just doesn’t know it yet.” And me being 7 I thought she was crazy but she was right! And honestly in this theoretical world this is exactly how Martin approached things.

All of seasons 3 and 4 for Martin were simple acts of faith, love and loyalty. That charged conversation in MAG 102 that I am OBSESSED with gains quite a lot with the added subtext that Martin has known Jon has feelings for him for a while and now Jon is also starting to realize it too and maybe Martin knows Jon knows! In season 4 when Martin is pushing Jon away with a stick it makes so much sense that he knows Jon has feelings for him because he knows that he has to work hard to keep Jon away. If he thought it was just about Jon wanting information from him he might have approached things differently but he actually took steps to make sure Jon was getting information from him by leaving Jon tapes. He just knew that Jon would pull him too far away from The Lonely which he was now committed to. Like, if your sort of ex-boss sort of friend wants to talk to you sometimes I don’t think that’s going to stop anyone from being lonely but Martin for sure knew by S4 that if he let Jon in, The Lonely plot would be done for. Not only would Peter’s plans be shot because Martin would commit himself to being with Jon and Jon would fully reciprocate but also Peter would definitely take it out on Jon. When Jon pulled Martin from The Lonely I don’t think it would have been enough for Jon to love Martin and also for Martin to love Jon, I think Martin had to know that Jon loved him. So when Martin said that Jon didn’t need him he probably did believe that but he also knew that Jon loves him already so being able to really See Jon just reminded him of what he already knew.

I love this possibility and in fact I now fully do believe that Martin knew Jon loved him back by S4.

[toxicanonymity]

when raider met sweet pea

1k words  | analysis of raider!Joel x f!reader

Raider Joel Master List 

This is a peek inside early, unevolved raider joel in the original fic from March. We know how much he’s grown since then, but he’s done terrible, inexcusable things, and he knows it.  NOTES: You're referred to as sweet pea in this, Joel's pet name for you. General HC followed by Q&A. Thank you @milla-frenchy for always having good Qs. I have great Qs from others too that I'll get to as I can (looking at u @javier-penas-wifexx420, and others). To raider's pr team, sorry for going back in time but FIWB. WARNINGS: References to noncon, assault.

Here’s how I HC what happened under the surface:  When Joel interrupted the men from taking sweet pea, it wasn't a noble rescue mission. Mainly, he was fed up with the men and wanted to put them in their place. But then, one of the men used the butt of his rifle under her chin to make her look up, and this is what unlocked or triggered something in Joel:  She looked at Joel thinking he was saving her, and something in her face had a subconscious effect on him -- like he saw her hope and appreciation, and saw someone looking at him like he was a good man who mattered to them. It made him feel needed, which he hadn’t felt for so long that he didn’t even recognize the feeling, or know how to feel it, much less what to do with it.

That moment created the tiniest crack, a minuscule window into the man buried under the persona built by trauma and the apocalypse. The crack was too tiny to change his behavior yet, but that tiny window allowed him to see a glimmer of something else possible and allowed him to subconsciously connect with her in a way he hadn't connected in ages.  From his raider persona, everyone is pretty 2D, so consciously, he's not seeing or treating her (or anyone) as a real person at this point. But that moment still resulted in a “spark,” like a magnetism, and the crack in his shell grows over time. 

When he takes her inside: it was likely unusual that he took her somewhere private. Normally, he does things in front of the other men to show dominance (see Stash House).  Subconsciously, that tiny part of him wanted to feel like a protector, and taking her somewhere private may have been his pathetic idea of a protective gesture, physically picking her up and taking her away from the worse (more violent) guys.

He takes her to the room intending for her to suck his dick by default, but I don't think P in V was always his intent:  He doesn't threaten or mention fucking her upfront when he’s telling her what’s going to happen.  He tells her she's gonna suck his dick and to be a good girl and it'll be over quick. While she sucks him, he decides he has to have her (be inside her).  He says "alright sweet pea, now pull down your pants for me." He was acting on his primitive urges and what his body wanted in that moment for whatever reason -- he's a raider and has a huge sense of entitlement. Even though his escalation wasn’t out of malice, the effect is that he made the attack worse. He’s a bad person and a r*pist, and he knows it.

(Note, I’m only censoring this word because other people censor it and I sense some people find it jolting to see even if they read noncon. I'm not censoring it to try to make him look better. His past is a part of him, there's no getting around the fact that he's a r*pist. He's the last person who would want it forgiven or excused. He kinda hates himself ). 

Q: I've been wondering if he could have done to other women what he did to sweet pea in the 1st chapter

He did at least make other women suck his dick in the past. As for how he sees his past behavior now, it'll come out eventually, not like an OOC monologue, like a word in passing or implied here or there.

Q: I think you wrote somewhere that Joel didn't approve of the behavior of some of his men with women, and that Carter wasn't like that (was I dreaming?)  

The men who had sweet pea at the beginning of ch 1 are more physically aggressive and violent with women, physically forcing them and hurting them, whereas Joel calmly told sweet pea what to do (while he was heavily armed) and didn’t physically hurt her. The other men will smack them around and gang rape them. Joel feels like that behavior from men is weak, like if you're going to physically hurt someone, pick on someone your own size. He doesn’t feel moral superiority for this (I mean he doesn't see himself as a good guy), but he sees himself as stronger and more dominant than men who need to hurt a weaker person.

Q: Why is he so possessive and jealous, since day 1? In failed rescue : "He describes you. Joel’s jaw clenches and his eyes darken.  He waits a beat before answering." I love that 😏 but it's super fast. Did she trigger something in him from day one?

When he initially decided she's his so quickly, most importantly, he means she's not anyone else's. He's in charge, he's claimed her, he's dominant, and he's the boss. That was his original intent and he didn't expect it to go further than that.  But it goes beyond that because of the moment explained above. So it's also his primitive instinct that she's his, and that’s what you see when her bf describes her in your quote. Whatever connection or feeling was created by the way she looked at Joel made her special, and he couldn't let go of it. So she became like a precious possession at that point. Since then, he’s slowly evolved to where she’s not just a possession, but certainly still his. 

—

Thank you so much for reading. I really adore everyone's interest and investment in raider!Joel. If you love raider joel, please interact with his fics -- it's always better late than never. Comments mean a lot no matter how small, and reblogs mean a lot regardless of blog size. I know most of raider's fans started as lurkers, and I don't judge for your lurking era. Most of my tumblr bffs started as lurkers.

Ik the tense is all over the place in this sorry lol

TY ILY 🖤🖤🖤

[swordfright]

what are your logistical questions about the guard dog au?

Ohhhh boyyy. Well. First of all I'm sorry it took me like a month to answer this, I got busy.

I wanna start by saying I wasn't around when Guard Dog AU was created, it was before my time (just barely) but I have read dozens of fics with this premise so bear in mind that I thiiiink I have a pretty solid understanding of how GD is supposed to work?? But I could be wrong about some details, in which case please feel free to correct me! Also, I wouldn't normally poke holes in someone's AU because at the end of the day, AUs are supposed to be fun fantasy what-if scenarios and not airtight canon-compliant thought experiments. The only reason I feel comfortable doing it with Guard Dog is because, from what I can tell, this AU wasn't created by any one specific person, it just sort of manifested on twitter in like 2021 and now there are literally hundreds of pieces of fan content about it. What I'm saying is, Guard Dog is The People's AU and that's the only reason I don't feel weird answering this ask.

Yeah, so. My logistical questions are as follows:

What's Sam's motivation for letting Q borrow Dream?

When in the timeline is this taking place? (because that affects EVERYTHING)

What threat is Dream purportedly guarding Las Nevadas from?

How does Dream's presence change the preexisting dynamic in Las Nevadas?

What is Quackity actually getting out of this?

Who does or doesn't have the revive book at this point?

I'll try to address these as neatly as I can. So, my understanding of the premise: Quackity somehow gets Sam to agree to let Dream out of the prison so he can live out the remainder (or some unspecified portion?) of his life sentence acting as security for LN. In some variants it seems like this is happening after Dream gives up the revive book, but in other variants that's not the case or it's left unclear. There are a couple points at which this feels implausible/OOC, namely:

1.) Sam would never let Dream out, even on parole. He does not want Dream under anyone else's watch. He wants Dream in Pandora at all costs. You cannot convince me he would just let someone borrow the prisoner for a bit, for any reason - especially not Quackity, who imo Sam probably sees as a greater threat to his authority as warden than almost anyone. Think about it: aside from Sam, Q has probably had the most consistent contact with the prisoner during his incarceration; Q's violence and general temperament mean that Sam likely knows Q killing Dream is a possibility, and that without the warden's supervision this could very well happen. Sam obviously isn't concerned for Dream's wellbeing, but he does want his prisoner alive because otherwise he's not a prisoner and Sam's not a warden. So yeah. "Just me and him" line etc etc. Dream ain't never gettin' outta there if Sam has anything to say about it.

2.) What is Dream actually capable of contributing to LN? In other words, would initiating Guard Dog actually pay off for Quackity in tangible ways? It depends on where in the timeline we are. If this is happening post-torture era or even mid-torture era, Dream is likely physically incapable of performing the feats of combat he was capable of prior to prison. Hell, even if Guard Dog era is happening instead of the torture era, Dream has still been in prison for a while and is probably already experiencing the disabling effects of prolonged malnutrition and neglect. So if Dream is known for PVP and his PVP skills took a severe blow recently, then what use is he as a security guard? Which brings us to the next question...

3.) What threat is Dream even guarding LN from? Quackity's foremost enemy is Technoblade, who has largely peace'd-out between Doomsday and Jailbreak. Q is evidently not eager to reignite a direct conflict with Techno because he got his ass handed to him last time. Also, he's aware that Techno and Dream are allies, so why would he put Dream in a place that's easier to rescue Dream from than Pandora? You could argue that maybe by publicly turning Dream into a glorified slave laborer Q is indirectly flaunting his power (the power of ownership) in Techno's face, but I don't see this as terribly likely given that (based on some of the visitation dialogue) Q misunderstands the nature of Dream and Techno's relationship. Critically, he doesn't seem to realize that they are comrades in addition to allies. And I think flaunting ownership of Dream would only make sense if you thought you were really hurting Techno in the process - Quackity just doesn't seem to have picked up on the fact that this is even a possibility. Based on all this, the enemy Dream is supposed to be fending off probably isn't Techno, so who is it? Las Nevadas is pretty much a neutral state. Q has people he doesn't like, but his list of Actual Real Enemies is surprisingly short. The population of the server is also comically small, so like...intruders? What intruders??? It's not as if Q really has to worry about strangers breaking in and robbing him or something, which is usually what guard dogs are for. My current answer to this question is that the threat would have to be the Egg. Possession by the Egg can turn people you know into strangers, and the entity that is the Egg can travel/infiltrate new spaces by way of the vines. Also, this conveniently answers the sub-question of "what threat can Dream defend LN against that the actual members of LN couldn't?" If you suddenly have to worry about contamination, it makes sense that you would send someone disposable to deal with the contaminant - not your own friends or employees. Speaking of which...

4.) Dream's presence in LN would change the faction's dynamic and Quackity is sooo poorly equipped to navigate that. Quackity's whole shtick is that he's charismatic because he can't be strong. He's volatile, conniving, violent, insecure, hedonistic, profit-motivated and has poor impulse control, but he's also able to project confidence and affability in ways that have been advantageous to him. There are two sides to Quackity and he seemingly likes to keep them separate. If Guard Dog is happening after the torture arc, then Quackity is used to showing the worst aspects of his personality only around Dream. In Pandora, he's a torturer; in Las Nevadas, he's a leader. So what happens when those two places effectively become the same place? If LN is Dream's new prison, how is Quackity supposed to act there? Sure, he's not particularly kind and caring when dealing with his staff (most of them were recruited via intimidation, after all) but they've never seen the side of him that Dream has seen. How is he supposed to maintain that authority over Dream while continuing to be the version of himself that Fundy and Purple and Foolish and co. know? Quackity talks a big game about (and makes gestures toward) not caring that people know about the torture, but he obviously does have reservations about it. When Wilbur asks him about visiting, he dodges around the question. When he discourages Foolish from breaking in, he's weird and cagey about it even though he knows he needs to come clean. When Tommy confronts him about the torture directly, he says "Don't ever say that, not even as a joke." He's defensive. This is another one of Q's hilarious contradictions: he wants to enjoy the benefits of being known as a dangerous person without the downsides of people being actually scared of him or finding him repulsive. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and Dream's presence in Las Nevadas puts that impulse in jeopardy. There's a big difference between people suspecting you may have done some torture vs people actually witnessing that torture firsthand, or even seeing its aftereffects. Not to mention, there are now other people for Dream to interact with besides Sam, Q, and the prison guards! That changes things, even if Dream isn't allowed to speak to them directly. In Pandora, Bad and Ant had one job, which was to keep the prison running and keep Dream inside it - that's not the case with the LN crew. These people have shit to do! Foolish is building Quackity a replica of the Eiffel Tower, he doesn't have the time or interest to be a prison guard. I could go on but you get my drift. Things would get so weird so fast.

5.) The revive book complicates all of this. If Dream actually did give up the book and Sam understood how to use it, I could be convinced that maybe he would let Quackity borrow Dream for a bit - because hey, if he kills Dream then Sam can just revive him! However, I don't feel confident saying that Q wouldn't just kill Dream immediately after getting the book. We know Q enjoys torturing Dream, but we also know that he seemingly gets bored of it after a while. We also know he has at least some level of concern for propriety/his own rep, so he does have plausible reasons to just straight-up kill him after getting the book. Like, he got what he wanted (necromancy knowledge + a fun 3 months of recreational activity) and if he kills Dream then that's one less person to potentially spread word of Q's uhhhh proclivities around the server - which, again, he paradoxically does seem to care about. Even if Q's plan was to relocate Dream to LN to better access to his fave chew toy and never intended to kill Dream, would Sam believe that?? Q can't directly go against the warden's orders when he's visiting Pandora because that would be stupid and dangerous, but in Las Nevadas? Hm. I think Sam may see Guard Dog as an attempt on Q's part to move the prisoner to a location fully under Q's control so that he can kill Dream without risking retaliation from the warden. Basically, I think this au only has a chance to work in a scenario where Dream has given up the revive book to Sam, but not to Quackity. Because otherwise, Sam just wouldn't let him go. Quackity does want the revive book, but moreso he enjoys torturing Dream, so I do find it semi-plausible that Q would initiate Guard Dog even if he didn't have the book yet.

Ummmm so yeah! These are my questions and thoughts about Guard Dog! i think it's a really fun AU with a lot of potential, but there are kinks in the premise (pun intended) that I find it difficult to wrap my head around. anyway please talk to me about this because I think about it all the time and I wanna hear some other folks' takes too.

[damagedintellect]

ADA Dazai x Reader

💌Obligatory sex pollen fic I guess?? chapter 2💌

Summary: Certain abilities Dazai can dispel outright without touching the user. This has always confused the brunette greatly where the technical line was drawn. During Q's apocalypse, he couldn't bring individuals back to their senses but with Shiwabusa's fog he could prevent Chuuya’s ability from manifesting. Apparently this “Sex pollen” ability was more like the former example. Which left Dazai the only one conscious of their actions as everyone fucked like rabbits.

Notes: Based on a dream I had a few nights ago....This chapter is shorter because I started waking up once I realized it was THAT DREAM, I'm literally crying it got a second chapter some one help😭

Contains: sex pollen, dubcon, pregnancy, mpreg, pregnant Fyodor, Fyodor being painfully religious, 🍋 in chapter 1

💌 Wordcount 1,971 💌 Chapter 2 of ?? [If I have another dream I am obligated to update this] <= Previous chapter

Just like that for a few weeks everything was back to some semblance of normalcy. Out of sight out of mind you guess. Once you stopped feeling sick all the time you could hardly tell you were pregnant at all. You were still confined to the office since it would take anywhere from 3 to 6 months to fully heal from your injuries but that was fine with you. Honestly you don’t understand how Dazai does it. You've been pampered by Yosano's ability. It didn't even occur to you that you'd still have to have some sort of physical therapy afterwards either. Meanwhile Dazai gets shot and stabbed all the goddamn time and he takes it like a champ. Just one more reason to like him you guess.

Dazai looked up to catch you staring. You didn’t look away but your face did start to feel warm. You hadn’t really sat down and talked about it in depth yet. That night or about the child and honestly no one in the office has really tried to bring it up either. Although you still don't know what to say, sooner or later someone has to say something and hopefully it won't have to be you. Unfortunately you have a feeling it's going to be you.

Dazai glanced at the door and frowned. He's been trying to avoid any meaningful confrontation but judging from the sounds outside he swallowed. He knew those footsteps better than anyone and it was only a matter of time before “he” showed up. This might as well be happening today. Without warning Chuuya emerged from the doorway looking annoyed. 

“Okay, which one of you is the weretiger!”

Atsushi hesitantly raised his hand. You raised an eyebrow at the exchange. What was the mafia executive doing looking for Atsushi? Dazai sighed and rose to his feet, putting an arm around Atsushi as Chuuya approached the two. 

“Why Chuuya, what brings you out to our domain! I almost didn't see you there, have you gotten shorter?” He smiles cheerfully. You swear you could see flowers and sparkles surrounding him.

Chuuya crossed his arms “Go to hell and wait your turn. I have a bone to pick with you after I square away business with the tiger boy.” He glared at Atsushi, sizing him up. “And you, my boy Akutagawa hasn't been the same since your guy's little rescue operation. Mind telling me why that is?” It was surprisingly less threatening and more of a genuine question.

Atsushi’s face flushed a few shades darker “Why don't you ask him! He's the one who-” He stopped mid sentence, groaning. He figured Akutagawa wouldn't talk about it to anyone either but being asked directly because Akutagawa was out of sorts was insulting. How did he think Atsushi felt? “You know what, the bottom line is I'm pregnant and it's his fault he used his stupid ability like that. If anything I should be the one who's traumatized!” 

Chuuya hummed, putting his hand under his chin as he thought about an earlier encounter. “Oh so that's why he was muttering about being bound to the weretiger. He was saying something about not even holding hands yet and having to marry you. Guess that makes me the godfather for two babies then.” the redhead shrugged like this conversation was an everyday occurrence.

Atsushi slouched, was this karma for trying to suggest that Fyodor and Nikolai should get married? 

“Don’t tell me Akutagawa is religious too.”

Chuuya furrowed his eyebrows. “What? No listen kid, this is about stepping up to responsibilities. Raising a kid's a big deal.” He looked over at Dazai with a smirk about to add one more thing but Dazai interjected, flicking the brim of Chuuya's hat.

He continued to wave his hand in the other's face. “Who said you were the godfather? I don't remember calling you.” Both of their expressions went flat for a moment as they glared at each other passively.

“You should have, it would have been better to hear the news from you than from Mori.” He huffed “Why didn't you? It's not like you to go back on your word. What happened too, I wouldn't lie about something like this.” He mocked in a Dazai like fashion.

“I thought you were too drunk to remember that!” Dazai whined.

“Yeah well I also remember promising to be your best man if you ever lived long enough to find someone.” Chuuya leaned back into his hip “So?” the redhead crossed his arms, waiting.

“So what?” Dazai said matter of factly. As the two stared back at each other, Atsushi finally sat down. Why did they have to do this at his desk?

“So what? You're not even going to introduce me!”

Dazai rolled his eyes. Is that really what Chuuya came here for? When Chuuya walked in you had gotten up from your desk to make tea. As you brought the cups over Dazai walked around you and put his hand on your shoulder “(Y/N), Chuuya, Chuuya, (Y/N). There, you happy?”

“Wait (Y/N)? You mean your-” Dazai cut him off but Chuuya looked surprised. You wonder what he was going to say. It sounded important.

Dazai pankicked and grabbed the other from behind covering his mouth as he dragged him out into the hallway. “Nope that's it you overstayed your welcome.” 

Once the door shut Ranpo pouted “I'm pregnant too ya know. I wouldn't mind Mr. Fancy hat being the godfather.” He puffed out his cheeks.

Atsushi rolled his eyes. “That's all you got from that!”

Ranpo sighed “No, I also got the image of Akutagawa tying you up so thanks for that.” 

Atsushi stood up so fast his chair nearly fell over. “How can everybody speak about it so casually!” 

He looked over to you with pleading eyes. Atsushi was probably hoping you'd back him up. Instead you laughed, handing him the disregarded tea. 

“Well for starters only the adults are here today and the more you talk about it the less power it has.” You handed the detective another cup. “Although instead of putting you on the spot Ranpo should have asked if you wanted to talk about it first or at least opened up about his experience.”

He took a sip of tea before shrugging. Ranpo didn't mind sharing at all in fact he’s glad someone asked about it. “Not much to say really. Poe hugged me from behind and by the time I realized he wasn't doing it to be cute I just kinda went with it.” Ranpo shrugged with a smile on his face. “I'm more curious what happened with Kunikida!”

The blonde tensed as you set the last cup down in front of him. He had stopped his typing as a bead of sweat dripped down the side of his face. “Do I have too?” Out of everyone in the office Kunikida had been the one trying the hardest to skirt around the conversations. He wanted to forget it ever happened. It was bad enough that Dazai would tease him about it whenever they were alone.

Ranpo hummed “Akiko's really careful because she could never give up drinking for that long, so since you're not forced into being a dad, dealer's choice?” You all nodded in agreement, it only seemed fair since you were putting him on the spot.

Kunikida pushed up his glasses. You assume he probably doesn't want to share. Instead he turns to address you. “Which reminds me, I thought Yosano gave you a contraceptive too?”

“I was so exhausted I forgot it was in my pocket and never took it.” You frowned. It didn't feel like a priority in the moment but like most of them you were out of it. “But forced parenting aside, right now this is about sexual trauma.”

 Kunikida cleared his throat “I wouldn't know what to share. I turned to look at Yosano and the next thing I know we're kissing in a passionate manner.” He paused wondering if he should say something about the elephant in the room. “Also this should go without saying, but no one is forcing you to be a parent. Ranpo and Atsushi might not have a choice but there's still plenty of time for you to think it over. No one would stop you if you decided you're not ready to be a mother.” This was true but your mind was already made up. 

Somehow only Ranpo knew of your crush? You thought it was fairly obvious. Had it been anyone else you probably would have gotten rid of it by now. 

Ranpo laughed before you could answer, sharing his two cents. “Who said I don't have a choice? I'm choosing to have this little munchkin! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to see what me and Poe create. Besides, I've always wanted a mini me!” He patted his stomach proudly.

Atsushi sipped on his tea “That's true. So in a weird way it kind of worked out for you and Poe huh. At least one of us lucked out.” He’s been avoiding Akutagawa as much as possible ever since that night.

Ranpo snickered, “I would say two of us lucked out.” He draped one around your shoulder opening his eyes to give you a smug look. “Well you care to share with the class? This was your idea after all.” 

So that’s why he bothered to bring all of this up. You sighed in defeat. “Lucked out my ass!” Your cheeks were red as Atsushi and Kunikida gave you incredulous looks “Keep in mind Dazai was fully conscious of his actions. He kind of just let me get it out of my system in hope that I would eventually snap out of it,” You groaned hiding your face in your hands “and yes, apparently I was begging him to fuck a baby into me. Is that what you wanted to hear, Ranpo!”

Ranpo blinked a few times “You didn't have to go that far but yeah I was just trying to get you to mention your crush on Dazai.”

“You have a crush on Dazai?!” Both Atsushi and Kunikida shouted. Kunikida nearly spat out his tea. You groaned “That’s why I was planning on keeping the child but I feel like I'd be baby trapping him.”

“It’s not baby trapping if you decide to keep the child, it's your body. I already told you that you have the final say.”

Everyone slowly turned their heads back to see Dazai coming back into the office. You swallowed “How much of that did you hear?”

“Not much but you already told me your reason for wanting to keep the kid.” He shrugged nonchalantly and everyone wiped their heads back to you.

Atsushi was dumbfounded. “Wait a second, let me get this straight. He knows that you-”

Dazai spoke over him. “-Always wanted kids, it's not that big of a deal. Unless that's not what we're talking about?” He tilted his head to the side. Did he miss something? It took a lot out of him to turn Chuuya away especially after the stupid slug made his own revelations about the situation. 

You released the breath you were holding. Everyone else understood Dazai was just as oblivious to your feelings as always. Eventually you would have to tell him but it was still early enough in the process to figure that out. At least everyone else in the office knew why you’ve been acting weird since that night.

Kunikida groaned at the realization. “I don't know if I can handle a mini Ranpo running around, let alone a mini Dazai.” He went back to his work. “It’s bad enough having to work with Dazai as is.”

You laughed as the two tried to defend themselves.

[icantpickausernamesorry]

IF SOMEONE FUCKING HATES ON CRYSTAL FOR KISSING CHARLES I WILL SCREAM

SHE SAW SOMEONE SHE LIKED AND CHARLES SAW SOMEONE HE THOUGHT HE LIKED THEY ARE *16* MOTHERFUCKER.

okay. calmer reaction.

charles saw crystal as someone his age (technically) who he could have a deep and meaningful conversation with, not realising that he could and can do those things with edwin. he also saw edwin's qualities in crystal (like he LITERALLY SAYS) so he feels a romantic attraction to her. he has been led to believe from his upbringing that he is already flawed, so being in love with a boy (who is also his best friend of 30+ years) is still strange and scary to him, obviously. so- kiss.

crystal got free from her demon ex boyfriend who possessed her and made her eat trash and she saw 2 people who rescued her from that. one she saw as antisocial and annoying (not realising his true qualities, as charles did). the other she saw as kind and social. given her wierd ass psychological situation, she looked at this and saw someone she could love and who would love her back. so- kiss.

charles has an obvious attraction to edwin and he realises it a little at the end of the s1, but he's still battling out a lot of unknown and strange emotions all at once, with his repressed trauma coming back and edwin's confession along with crystal's powers being wierd to him and her. so- he doesn't do anything.

if you blame crystal for being a 16 year old girl, you can shut up. I agree that she should have figured herself out more before *dating a ghost* but the hate is unjustified for even that. she is a multifaceted woman charactar and the internet is famous for not being able to handle that (example- Gwen fucking Stacy from spiderverse. yall are sk stupid for hating her like that smh).

I am payneland forever but I don't hate crystal because this is just "I HATE HER BECAUSE SHE CAME BETWEEN MY FAVORITE SHIP" when that's the fuckung point. dbda is a show about growth and development and realising yourself, amdist the demon and pedophilic cat king. she had to do this for charles ro realise. I'm extremely sad that crystal will get her heart broken and I wished it wouldn't happen, but I recognize the story. you should to.

tl;dr- stop making crystals charactar just some girl who came between 2 guys. she us more than that. treat her with respect, you swabs of used q tips.

[ivanttakethis]

Round 7 Predictions

Since we’re only halfway through Alien Stage, I don’t think there will be a Round 7 winner.

There’s a ton of material Q and V could get into if both Till and Luka survive in some way or another. I also think there’s still a lot more left to learn about the lore of Alien Stage as a competition and how the whole system functions for the competition part to end so quickly.

I think Till will be rescued by the rebels at some point, either before or during Round 7. He’ll get to reconnect with Mizi, see how much she’s changed, and hopefully come to see her as less of a godly savior and more of a person.

Freeing Till would also force him to confront his own wants and dreams beyond escaping the competition and taking Mizi with him. What does Till want out of life now that both he and Mizi are free? How does he process all of the shit that went down in the previous rounds, especially Round 6?

As for Luka I think one of two things will happen: (1) he won’t be rescued by the rebels at all or (2) he’s offered the opportunity to leave with them but he refuses.

The second option is definitely more interesting as it will tell us more about Luka’s mindset, but also Hyuna’s if she can choose whether or not a rescue attempt is made for him. It would possibly give us insight into how they feel about each other given the current circumstances.

Either way, I don’t think Luka will leave Alien Stage or rebel against the aliens.

What would be his reason to? He’s the face of the whole competition. His status within the alien society has provided him with a lot of access that he could possibly not be able to live without, given his chronic illnesses.

But more than that, I think he’ll stay for personal reasons. Fame? Accolades? Ego? Maybe a mix of all three? Or perhaps some long buried guilt or remorse? There’s still a lot we don’t know about his feelings and motivations.

Personally I think he’s too interesting of a character to kill off so soon (a.k.a. I want to study him under a microscope).

Now this next part is me being delusional, so I’m putting it under the cut.

So,

If Till is rescued before Round 7 starts, that leaves Luka as the winner by default. But that’d probably be pretty boring as a finale for the audience.

How do they spice things up? By healing/reviving Ivan and putting him up against Luka.

Think about it: they’re both insanely popular in-universe, they’re somewhat equally matched in terms of singing ability, and they’re both considered pretty boys.

Think of the fashion! Think of the theatrics!! The material is LITERALLY. RIGHT. THERE.

In my opinion they’re two of the most complex characters in the cast, but they haven’t had much (if any) direct interaction with one another. I’d like to see how their similarities and differences stack up once they’re side by side, and what that tells us about each of them.

They’re also both weirdos (in their own ways), so putting them head to head would be the ultimate Freak (derogatory) vs. Freak (affectionate) final showdown.

And if Ivan were to win, he would essentially take over Luka’s role as the face of Alien Stage. How would that affect him personally? What would he do with his life after?

If he learns that Till managed to escape with the rebels, would Ivan still want to escape on his own? Or would he be content to stay put with the knowledge that Till is free?

Similar to Till with Mizi, who is Ivan beyond helping and supporting Till? What are his hopes and dreams?

I went more in depth about how Ivan could potentially be brought back and what ramifications it could have on the story depending on how it’s done in this post, if anyone wants to read that.

[kadextra]

Imagine you have managed to lure & successfully capture a special, and dangerous animal in a cage. You brought it to your facility for a reason, to use it for something important that it can provide you, or that it’s capable of doing… and to run some tests.

You know this animal has a history of being extremely vicious, and that it’s really intelligent. You knew what you were getting into beforehand… you’ve heard the hundreds of horror stories, about it being capable of causing terrifying harm- and it hates being in a cage. it’s crafty and will attempt to escape, so you need to treat it nicely, with utmost respect. You have to pacify its temper while you run the tests, so you give it something to care for, other test subjects for company, and objects that it likes. enrichment to make it all more bearable to manage.

It works, and the animal has gotten attached to the things you provided for it! you see how much it cares for them every day, and that’s good because now it doesn’t bite back as much at the keepers you send in to monitor. All the tests are going smoothly. Sometimes, there are unfortunate accidents (it was in a particularly bad mood the other day and someone lost a few fingers) but that’s okay, things like this can be excused in the long run. It’s unwise to punish the animal, as it’s scary, and special, and you aren’t sure if doing that will make it become completely uncontrollable or ruin the tests/any of the benefits. Just continue using more enrichment and hope that works! there is nothing more important than having it be calmed in the cage.

Everything goes well for a while… until one day, when what you had given it to care for disappears. you don’t know where they went (or maybe you do) and the animal falls into a deep depression. you observe as it begins exhibiting stress-related self destructive behaviors like biting its own fur off. but those soon switch to threatening behavior. it starts slamming and tearing into the cage, openly attacking with fangs and claws at the employees, causing a ton of problems- it was only a matter of time until this happened. It has nothing to lose anymore, and you now understand the murderous rage that all those stories talked about. In the dead of night, you walk by and can’t see anything in the darkness but you can feel its sharp eyes watching your movements…. plotting.

If it got out it would certainly try to kill you.

One of the employees goes missing one day, on top of the animal being way more unstable and hard to deal with. While you try to solve this new problem, you tell everyone to halt their work and warn them to not make any sudden, startling movements around the animal + not go near the cage at all for the time being, in fear of it lashing out more. They are all following your orders to stay away. But unbeknownst to you, the missing keeper had actually fallen into the cage with the animal, who is now very focused on toying with its new prey...

When you find out about this, there will need to be a choice: face the threat directly, rescue the employee and risk punishing this already unstable animal for its actions in an attempt to get it under control (you have never done this before) or, cut your losses like previous times and just allow it to play with its toy…?

———

fun little analogy & speculation of the federation’s pov related to q!bad, with a sprinkling of special guest theory. the reveal that they’re scared of him & treat him kinda like a dangerous wild animal gave me thoughts :3

[cocktailjjrs]

So......

Since I've been suffering with these angsty thoughts... i though i would invite you all suffer with me...

It's about Chuuya...

I was doing some research for my fic (mainly going through bsd novels, blogs, tags and all) and came across this one Insta post in passing (sorry, i don't remember the name).

It was about BSD's cycles.

First, cycle of abuse, going from Mori-Dazai-Aku-Kyouka

and Second of rescue, going from Natsume-Oda-Dazai-Atsushi-Kyouka.

And then they highlighted a third category, the one's who are not saved - including Chuuya, Aku and Q.

At that point i didn't think much about it, just another post while scrolling Insta.

But now it's keeps bothering me, a constant reminder, whenever i read something BSD.

And It's so heart wrenching.

It also hit me, Q and Aku can still be saved.

Q, while we don't exactly know where they are right now, there is a chance of them getting their own arc, backstory and then being saved.

Aku, while still in Mafia, his partnership with Atsushi is his saving grace already. He is making an effort to not kill, just for their deal/bet. By the end of it all, he will be in a better place than he is now.

But Chuuya. (Spoiler's for light novel's if you haven't read them)

I remember very clearly, when in Stormbringer (don't ask me why i remember this byheart), when Murase dies Chuuya says, "Hey Detective, Weren’t you gonna arrest me?! Weren’t you gonna bring me into the world of light"

Don't get me wrong, I still believe Chuuya belongs to Port Mafia, the darkness suits him better than light.

But that does not mean he never wanted to get out of that darkness. This one instance in SB was proof enough. Makes me wonder, if things had gone even slightly differently, would he be in a better place than he is now? Is there still a chance?

What's even more tragic is that after the whole SB thing, no one seemed stick around enough to help him fight his own demons.

And he definitely has MASSIVE DEMONS.

His whole life seems to be one catastrophe after another! Don't believe me?

His first group, whom he called friends, betrayed him. Classic stabbed by poisonous knife in the back.

Hardly a year later, his second friends group, Flags, was killed by an emotionally unstable man-child seeking validation, insisting on calling him brother.

He went through a horrid ordeal, having to learn he was a lab experiment, seeing your clone vaporise to nothing but bones in your own arms, having to fight those same bones. And as if this was not enough, then fighting the monstrosity of a singularity and in process loosing the only chance to determine your humanity. (Actually whole of SB is dreadful, i don't think it'll ever get worse than that - i really hope it doesn't)

Then, given by the timeline, another year later, his third group of friends was killed by Shibusawa.

And again a year later - his partner, who brought him in all this madness, just fucking leaves without a word. This is the least tragic thing that has happened to the boy, i swear.

And I'm sure it didn't end there.

There must have been so many things going on behind the scenes in those missing years, hell even after the series began, Chuuya has been out of scene because something or the other was going on.

Now you have Fyodor fucking shit up for no apparent reason. With this shitshow, many mafia men, some of whom Chuuya might have developed a relation, are definitely dead. Not to mention the mental gymnastics going to trying to at least be on the same fucking chapter as the two geniuses.

AND ALL OF THIS IS JUST IN THE CURRENT TIMELINE. Don't get me started on BEAST VERSE!!! (That's a can of worms I'm really not ready to open at this point)

The thing with Mentally strong individuals is, they have abnormally high emotional intelligence, they are unnaturally resilient, they can compartmentalize their grief, they empathise with great deal of people, think rationally at any given point and think of ways to make things better.

What many people fail to understand is that no one is born Mentally strong, it's the circumstances that make them as such.

It can happen even through small things.

No one being there for you to express your deepest fears. No one just listening to you, even if they have a solution to your problem. Or having seen other's nightmares come to reality and feeling your own are much smaller, or having made to fell that way.

It creates the mentality of never sharing your fears, your insecurities, your discomfort - because at the back of the mind you keep telling yourself - oh, this person has gone through so much more than i have, my fear is nothing compared to it. I can handle it on my own, they have their own problems to handle. Everyone is busy, i don't think they have time to listen to the same problem I've been facing for years now. I've manages so far, i think I can manager just fine.

You start to undervalue your own feelings and start to fell like you'll burden them. Start to feel like you NEED to handle it on your own.

Now, i don't want to go into a spiral of mental health, but when you look at Chuuya, you can't help but marvel at that kids Mental resolution.

His first action after being stabbed in back was to make a deal with a demon to make sure he doesn't harm them, because they are just kids.

His first reaction to being provoked into revenge was to say Fuck off to his manipulator, not falling for the temptation and doing what he felt right.

He even forgave the killer of his friends (And also the one who tried to kill him) for gods sake! Understanding what he was going through.

He even walked away after knowing his parents are alive (oh the irony) not wanting to put a target on them. (I'm actually on fence with this, the chances of it being a manipulation tactic from Mori is just as high as it being the truth)

He had tremendous mental fortitude.

But you still see the cracks in his emotional state,

He was desperate to know if he was human or not, inclining towards the later.

He didn't know, that your friends can do some nice things without expecting anything in return. They can go above and beyond your regular stuff just because they are your friends, there doesn't need to be of anything at stake in friendship.

Hell, there was a point he believed having a Heart was too sophisticated for him, that he can't be that human!

I can go hours and hours about this.

What i can say for sure is, he has demons in all sizes, shapes and forms, something that he has stuffed in his closet only to deal with them himself, not letting them see the light of the day.

i just don't see anyone actually being there for him long enough for him to trust them fully with his demons.

No, not even Dazai. Dazai himself was a walking cry for help, like hell Chuuya is adding to that pile. He may have found a constant in Dazai in three years, seeing as all other's met their end in one. I believe in those three years, somewhere Soukoku began to feel like his safe place, somewhere he didn't had to think about his demons only by the virtue of dealing with one made of flesh and bones. But then even Dazai left.

I don't think even Kouyou was there for most part. And considering her obsession with a flowers of dark with Kyouka, i think it pulled Chuuya more in her own tragedy. Afterall, she also was never saved.

Mori is there, but Mori is a Demon in his own rights. What we've seen is their interactions have been those of a boss and his close confidents, nothing personal or emotional. Which also makes sense when you think of Mori's theory of running an organization. Chuuya, all things considered, the most powerful member of PM and he is treated as such.

The other significant members of PM, the guerrilla squad, black lizards or Kajji - all of them may know him better than most, but he is still their executive. If a 15 and younger kid took the title of being a protector of his rag-tag group seriously, being a responsible and dependable executive comes with higher stakes. He will carry out his role as one, even if it's the last thing he does.

.

.

.

That was me rambling.

My point is, i wanna give Chuuya a big hug, tell him it's okay to fell tried sometimes. To let himself be vulnerable. That his fears are not invalid. That he is not invalid. That he isn't the problem, never was.

That he will still be valued and wanted, even if he one day looses his ability or he is no longer the strongest.

Can someone please save his boy?

[starlightshadowsworld]

No because Atsushi was always alone. He was told consistently throughout his life that no one wanted him. That he was someone the world itself abandoned.

His parents left him inside a rubbish bag in a bin. The orphanage kicked him out.

No one wanted Atsushi Nakajima he was not someone people wanted…and then Dazai looked at him in the warehouse and said you’re one of us now.

The Agency will be your home.

The Agency who came to save him on that boat, who rescued him and bought him back home because he was loved.

All the while Dazai was off sneaking around the Port Mafia to find who put a bounty on Atsushi’s head.

He finally had a home, finally found a place where people love him.

And it’s being taken away right before his eyes. It’s his worst fear come to life, he’s going to be all alone again.

And it doesn’t matter how much power he has, how much strength or how much he’s grown. Because in this moment much like with back with Q, much like back on the boat with Fukuchi, Atsushi is powerless to stop this.

All he can do is watch as he loses everything.

All over again.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Altman has had a career that any Silicon Valley exec would absolutely kill for, and he hasn’t accomplished a single worthwhile thing. He founded one failed company, ran a factory that bought predatory amounts of equity for virtually nothing from every Stanford dropout with an idea for software to replace something Mommy used to do, then founded a company to build a product that he himself believes could eventually destroy humanity. He managed to do such a bad job organizing that company that he nearly got it taken away from him by the guy who runs the Christian babies Q&A site and Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s wife before he was rescued by a nightmare blunt rotation of Microsoft, Marc Benioff’s Number One Boy, and Larry Fucking Summers. And the Quora guy even got to stick around! -Today in Tabs

[arcadia75]

Why Janeway needs a therapist

I got a request for a follow-up to list out why Janeway also needs to see a therapist

Note: I'm treating at least Mosaic as canon. Some of the Voyager stuff might be out of order and probably forgetting stuff.

Got captured by Cardassians and had to listen to her Captain be tortured (and was possibly tortured herself)

Lost her fiancé and father in a shuttle accident, in which she could maybe have saved one of them but didn't

We have no knowledge of what she may have been thru in her career before Voyager. Wolf 359? Other battles?

Lost x% of her crew when thrown to the Delta Quadrant

Made the decision to blow up the Array that stranded the remainder of her crew 70 years from home

Effectively lost another fiancé by stranding herself 70 years from home

Had to deal with a race wanting to steal her crews organs

Had to deal with a Cardassian spy on her ship

Had to deal with integrating the Maquis crew into her Starfleet crew

First Officer got kidnapped by above Cardiassian spy

Got hyper-evolved into a salamander and had babies with her helmsman

Had to deal with Q, on multiple occasions

Saw a double of herself blow up her ship to save them, plus had to accept a duplicate Ops officer and baby onto her ship

Had to kill one being to get her Security officer and Morale officer back

Got stranded on a planet with her first officer, fell in love with him, and then got rescued where they had to go back to being just friends

Got ship taken over by hostile force and then stranded on another planet, where crew died

Had to rescue her Ops officer and Helmsman from prison

Ferengi fucked up a way home

Had to deal with time traveling back to 1996 Earth and saving the future

Single handedly fought a macrovirus to save the ship

Died. Then gaslight by an entity posing as her dead father

First Officer brainwashed by a bunch of former Borg

Had to save officers from a rouge holodeck program written by the Cardassian spy from 3 years ago

Had to make a deal with the Borg, that her First Officer kind of went back on and then fought with him

Had to rehabilitate a former Borg drone

First Officer brainwashed to fight in a alien war

Brain chemistry messed with by aliens doing experiments

Destroyed the ship in a timeline that reset

Fiancé officially broke up with her.

Aliens captured the ship and brainwashed entire crew to participate in war simulations

Switched bodies with some of her crew (was this in Vis a Vis or just fanfic?)

Had to deal with the Omega particle

Alien that they all forget was on their ship and fell in love with her First Officer

Duplicated into goo, then dies later when she doesn't realize she's a duplicate

Major depressive episode during a part of space with no stars

Gets her crew killed by deciding to try a slipstream drive

Demoted helmsman for defying orders

Had to play mind games with alien who wanted to fuck her

Had to discipline her love struck ops officer when she's not getting any herself

Drove her First Officer/Best Friend/Would be lover to the brink of madness to save the ship

More temporal mechanics shenanigans

Found another Starfleet ship and then they turned out to be killers and crazy

Holographic boyfriend malfunctions

Former alien crew member who evolved to a higher being comes back super pissed off

Willingly assimilated into a Borg

Had to help First Officer put the ship back together after it was split into 37 different timeframes

Brainwashed to work in a factory, falls in love with an alien, forced to give him up when her memory gets restored

Had to deal with future self coming back and telling her the awful things about the future

Watched First Officer/Best Friend/Would be Lover get involved with her protégé

At least a year we don't know about. Hopefully she saw a therapist

Promoted to Admiral then sends Starfleet flagship on a mission that costs the life of one of their most beloved officers

Three years we don't know about. Hopefully she at least took a couple vacations

Sends Former First Officer / Best Friend / Would be Lover on a mission where he gets lost 52 years into the future

Spends possibly 3 years looking for said First Officer / Best Friend / Would be Lover

Retires! Buys a nice house! Gardens!

Forced out of retirement cuz synthetic beings attack Mars shipyards

[loserchildhotpants]

here have an angst drabble inspired by an evil post by @sheepstiel that posited ‘you know what would be evil. dean rescues cas from the empty but cas is set back to factory settings.’ #remembers nothing... etc’ 

@sendhelpnewobsessionincoming asked to be tagged when i eventually got around to writing it

this will probably have a sequel at some point bc... pain and suffering lol

anyway

Umbra

“You need to calm down, Dean.”

“Don’t fucking start with me right now,” Dean mutters flatly, pacing crop circles into the floor; he’d usually muster more vitriol, but he’s exhausted and still half-terrified.

Jack insisted on everyone staying out of the dungeon as he rescued and healed Cas, and so, of course, Dean is directly outside the dungeon door, anxiously waiting to be let in.

For a long time there was just stressful silence, but then, after roughly three hours, he, Sam, and Eileen had heard the bizarre, pulsating sound inter-dimensional rifts make when they materialize, they’d felt the barometric pressure throughout the bunker shift, and Dean very nearly barged in, breaking his contract with Jack.

Sam’s hand on his shoulder was the only thing that reminded him of the terms of this agreement.

A peculiar torture, knowing Cas is right behind that door, and Dean still doesn’t understand why he’s not allowed in yet. 

He wanted to be there to receive Cas from the Empty, he wanted to be the first to touch Cas, to speak to him, but beggars can’t be choosers, and he can’t question Jack — not with the stakes so high, and not after it took so long to get Jack to bend.

Dean paces in angry circles for another hour, and then Jack summons Eileen — and only Eileen.

Sam and Dean are flummoxed, but can do nothing about it; the door opens, Dean sees absolutely nothing, Eileen walks through, the door is shut again and Dean goes back to pacing.

When Eileen reemerges, she looks nervously between Sam and Dean, and tells them, while half-signing, “you need to be prepared. This… isn’t going to be easy.”

“What does that mean?” Dean asks.

“The Empty took from him,” Eileen replies, face regretful, “it’s… hard to explain.”

“Am I allowed in there?”

“... be careful, Dean,” she says — and Dean wants to tell her that he’s insulted she thinks he’d be anything other than that with Cas, but it quickly occurs to him that she means with himself.

Knowing he’s allowed in now, he doesn’t bother hemming and hawing in the hall any longer — he lets himself in, Sam right on his heels, and they both stop before they’ve made it ten feet inside.

Cas’ body — vessel — is young again. 

He looks malnourished, windswept, weak, but not grotesquely harmed, as Eileen’s ‘prepare yourself,’ tone in the hall might have implied.

Swallowing the guilt that comes with seeing the evidence of Cas’ long imprisonment and torture, Dean ventures forward again, opening his mouth to greet him, but Jack intercepts him, looking at Cas and saying, “Castiel, do you know who that is?”

“This is the Righteous Man and Michael Sword,” Cas answers in monotone, “I recognize him as all Angels can. The color and sound frequencies of his soul indicate that he has divine purpose, and the engravings on the spires of his soul specify what purpose that is.”

Dean’s brought up short again.

No one says anything; Jack looks at Dean, repentant, and trying to communicate nonverbally that this is not a joke.

Dean’s not sure he believes that yet; it’s an awful joke, a bleak, horrendously un-funny joke, but no alternatives are coming to mind.

“Do you understand where I’ve brought you from?”

“You’ve told me I’ve come from the Empty, but I have no memory of this.”

“Oh… oh, no,” Sam utters just audibly.

Dean’s stomach churns, sharp and hard.

“Regret is a corrosive,” Jack explains to Cas, but also to the room at large, “the Empty uses regret, shame, and guilt, and sort of… injects all of one’s memories with it, amplifies it in the ones that already contain it, which reduces the memories to only regrets. Regret strips the memories of all other qualities, until all that’s left is the interject; the regret. Memory becomes feeling only, a reductive feeling, which makes everything smaller and smaller until…”

Jack glances up at Dean and finishes, “... well, until there is nothing left.”

There’s loud static in Dean’s head.

Jack adds, “this is how the Empty feeds. This is what it takes. It is the full power of regret.”

“I’m missing memories?” Cas asks Jack.

“Many years of them, yes,” Jack replies.

“Heal him,” Dean rasps, barely a whisper, white hot terror sparking at the soles of his feet, flickering up into all of his body as it tenses from the hairs on the back of his neck to the nerve endings under his nails.

“I cannot heal what isn’t there,” Jack responds sorrowfully, “there is nothing broken. There is — there’s nothing.”

“Why does he — look like that?” Sam asks, throat sounding thick.

“Castiel used to age his vessel’s appearance purposefully, to feel closer to the two of you,” Jack tells them, “I think, at first, it was so that a unchanging human person who does not visibly age wouldn’t alarm the two of you by how unnatural it seems — the same reason he gave his vessel vital signs and engaged in sensory processing in the third dimension. He didn’t want to upset either of you by being too… alien. Then he came to appreciate looking as though he belonged among you.”

Cas raises his hand to his jugular, and must be setting a pulse into motion, then he studies Sam and Dean for a few moments and his vessel ages rapidly before their eyes, until he looks about their age, until he’s just as he looked nearly a year ago — the way he looked in this very dungeon when the culmination of he and Dean’s shared memories were so fortified with happiness, fealty, and unwavering, unconditional love that it was enough to save the world.

He glances between Sam and Dean blankly, and asks, “is this more acceptable?” 

“He —” said he loved me - but he said he loved me. He loved me. It was the most important thing he ever said, the way he said it, what he told me... he said he loved me, he can’t have lost that, I can’t have lost that — Dean can’t say it.

No one else knows.

He and Cas were the keepers of that beautiful, terrible moment in time, but Dean’s just flashing morse code into emptiness now. 

Emptiness.

“... Dean?” Sam starts worriedly from somewhere over Dean’s shoulder.

Emptiness in his eyes, empty hands, an empty mouth with no words left for Dean; an umbra. 

Shaky legs move backward, Dean’s unsteady where he stands, and while it’s hard to look away from Cas, it’s also too painful to keep staring. All he can do is retreat.

“Dean?” Sam asks again.

Dean can’t get out of the dungeon fast enough; he shoves past Eileen and Sam, even as they shout after him; he can hear Jack’s voice in his head, apologizing so gently, full of a child’s fear that they’ve done wrong by their parent.

He can’t breathe in the bunker, he thinks he might vomit, so he rushes outside for air, and the summer storm raging there mutes his voice as he pants, out of breath from running, and then roars into the night; no particular words, just grief made audible, just another monster languishing, just the sound of suffering.

He’s bombarded — what if I’d convinced Jack sooner? What if I’d been able to figure it out myself? What if I’d grabbed Cas when the Empty first came for him and just gone with him? What if I had gotten to him sooner? Would he have any memories left? Would he have lost even more of himself had he stayed any longer? Is this why he’s so skinny? Did the Empty run out of incorporeal food and so cannibalize him? What more could I have done? I should have gotten to him sooner, I should have saved him faster, then there’d be something left, there’d be anything left —

How many times? Dean wonders as his voice crackles like dying embers, splintering and winding down in a clap of thunder, tears bubbling to his eyes, and in how many ways can he be taken from me? How many more times will I have him ripped from me? How many more times can I survive it?

When Dean lands in a sprawl in the mud, head in his hands, fingers clawing at his scalp, he feels Sam approach, he lets Sam wrap him in a hug, and he thinks to himself — I can’t. I can’t survive it. Not even once more. Not even now, I think.

[anonymous-dentist]

A list of things the Federation has done to/taken away from q!Roier:

They gave him hope about Bobby coming back to life and they sent him on a rescue mission only to give him… ten minutes. And then they laughed in his face when he said he would destroy them.

Kidnapped q!Cellbit and did something to him traumatic enough to make his hair start to go white

Took his best friend q!Jaiden away through some Freaky Gaslighting Cult Shit with the :) Units aka Cucurucho and Osito Bimbo

Kidnapped his other best friend q!Quackity and wiped all of his memories

Tried replacing Quackity with Evil Federation Guy ElQuackity, who Roier knew would have killed him and all his loved ones if he had stuck around any longer

Sent his good friend q!Forever on a suicide mission to the Nether that he still hasn’t returned from

So like. Is it any wonder that he wants the Federation dead as much as his husband does?

[luke-hughes43]

okkk i have so many requests ideas sooo here’s a quinn one firdt!!

so the reader has been working at the canucks for a few years now and has become good friends with the team and great friends with quinn, quinn is definitely head over heels for her and has been trying to give her hints for a while that he wanted to be more than friends, maybe they finally get together maybe luke or jack who have become good friends with the reader as well but maybe they end up slipping up and telling her that quinn is in in love with her and she had no idea thinking he only thought of her as a sister, and maybe she goes and kisses him or something and they tell each other their feelings

yes! I love this. (she'll be one of the media girls) I changed it a little but it's good I promise!

Y/N's POV

so for a little background here, my name is Y/N Y/L/N, I'm 24 and do social media for the Vancouver Canucks. I'm born and raised in Vancouver so working for the Canucks is a dream come true. I've worked here since I got out of college 3 years ago.

I've formed close relationships with a few of the players like Elias Petterson, Brock Boeser, JT Miller, and Thatcher Demo. Quinn Hughes and I have formed a very close friendship. I'm the closest with him out of anyone else.

over the years of being with the canucks, I've grown very close to Quinn. we often find ourselves hanging out with each other after practices and games just getting dinner and watching movies at whoever's apartment.

the more time I spent with him, the more I realized that I have grown to have romantic feelings for Quinn.

we're very similar people, the quiet, observer type. very family oriented and driven in what we do.

this season, Quinn was named captain for the Vancouver Canucks which is a huge honor. the guys decided to throw a little party for him at Thatcher's house. they graciously invited me which I was quick to accept.

as soon as I get there, I go looking for Quinn. I bump into Elias and ask, "hey Petey. you seen Quinn?"

"you're boy is in the kitchen. he's about 2 minutes away from disappearing for hours and being a recluse. go rescue him."

I blush, "thanks."

they guys noticed my feelings for Quinn in the middle of last season, insisting that he felt the same. I denied it and said that we're just friends regardless of how I feel.

true to Petey's word, Quinn was in the kitchen, presumably hiding form everyone. he hates being the center of attention. it'a a trait I've grown to love about him. I smile and make my way over.

when he sees me, he smiles too. he pulls me in a for hug and says, "I'm so glad your here. save me please. these people are crazy."

I smile into his chest and say, "Petey sent me to rescue you. come on, let's get a drink and relax q."

he nods and leads me over to the drinks. he has his hand on my lower back, guiding me through demmer's house. we find ourselves some drinks and just stay close to each other for a while finding comfort with each other.

the guys call Quinn into the living room and do a few speeches in congratulation before we all break off and hang with our own people.

Quinn and I just stick to each other and giggle softly about random things we tell each other. many many many drinks later, Quinn and I are dancing together to whatever song is playing and he just looks so good. so happy and handsome. I can't seem to resist the urge I've had for a while to kiss him anymore so I go up on my tip toes and press a soft kiss to his lips.

it catches him by surprise but he kisses me back once he realizes what's going on. if it ends badly, I'll blame it on the alcohol. he pulls away and smiles, "I've wanted to do that for months. looks like you beat me too it."

"I've wanted to do it for months too." I say back in a whisper.

he smiles softly before leaning back in and kissing me again. there's a bunch of hollers around us causing us to pull away. we realize that everyone just saw us kissing and so I blush and hide my face in Quinn's chest. JT yells, "Huggy finally got the girl!"

Quinn says back quickly, "That's captain huggy to you millsy. anyways, we're gonna head out. thank you guys for this, it means a lot and I love you guys. I'll see you at practice tomorrow."

and with that, we graciously make our exit. neither of us are ok to drive so Quinn calls an uber to his place. his hands have not left my body since we kissed. we end up in the back of the car kissing the whole back to his place.

it's peaceful and quiet.

once we get in the privacy of his apartment, neither of us hold back. one thing leads to another and we end up in his bed, with no clothes. we wake up the next morning around the same time, tangled in each other. Quinn pushes the hair out of my face and smiles, "morning beautiful."

I blush and whisper, "morning q."

"so about last night?"

"yea?"

"what do you say me and you give this whole relationship thing a try? I've wanted this for months but I didn't wanna ruin our friendship or lose you." he says softly.

I nod and press a soft kiss to his lips. I say back, "me too. I'd love to see where this goes. there's only been you Quinn, even though we were only friends, it's always been you."

he nods and just pulls me into him and kisses me again. let's just say our morning was as late as our night...