#and put soichiro instead

[sadkachow]

Me and @theeviltwinduh were talking and we think we've come up with an idea of a Death Note au that takes place in a world with SOULs like in Undertale? It's kind of just a fun thinkpiece idea, but here's what we have so far:

SOUL TYPES:

L: determination

Light: integrity (until death note)

Matsuda: kindness

Soichiro: justice

Sayu: perseverance

Near: determination

Mello: bravery

Matt: perseverance

Watari: patience 

Misa: kindness (until Death Note)

Ryuk: monster soul (or soulless)

Rem: monster (soulless maybe)

What is unknown by Death Note users is the fact that using a Death Note means your soul slowly corrodes until it becomes nothing. Think Flowey style (but more gradually over time).

Remnants of the soul (if any) belong to the shinigami who originally owned the Death Note

Shinigami (which are one kind of monsters, although not all monsters are shinigami nor were all once Death Note users) were once humans, who, after exchanging their souls for the use of the Death Note, once they die, become shinigami.

[hoshinasblade]

second best |3| hoshina soshiro

PART 1 | PART 2 | BONUS: PART 3

pairing: hoshina soshiro x f!reader genre: slight angst, comfort, childhood friends to lovers, a bit of that miscommunication trope snippet: hoshina soshiro always ranks second at everything in his life. god forbid he falls behind in the bid for your heart too. word count: 2k trigger warnings: a bit suggestive at the end author's note: i promised a part three so here it is, hope you guys like it! likes, replies, and reblogs are welcome but im begging you not to copy or steal my works. feel free to sign up for my taglist (which i swear im gonna use on the next fic lol), and i appreciate when people send me asks so let me know your thoughts (or send me hoshina pics, that'd be great too). my masterlist is here! also i gotta let you know that i might put the next fic on hold because i am so tempted to start a short nsfw collection instead - just one-shots so it won't be a lot of commitments. who knows cause i might write angst and nsfw at the same time 😉

soshiro's hands were trembling. you noticed because it has not happened in a while - you cannot even recall the last time you've seen the man nervous, much less shaking. you were going to himeji that morning; hoshina had snatched your backpack from you - "when i said i would make it up to ya, i mean in every way i can," he said, sounding gentle and sincere that your only choice was to let him carry your belongings and blush as he also intertwined his fingers with yours while walking.

there is this story you have been hearing for a while - the red string theory, it is called. according to it, people who are destined to be together will always find each other despite everything and anything. when you were a kid, instead of thinking it romantic, you rather thought it is frightening - fate is a difficult enemy to go against: if it is meant to be, then it will be eventually. when you grew up, you held that belief as a prayer - it means that whoever is the one chosen for you may get lost on their way to you, but they will always - always - arrive.

you glanced at hoshina soshiro and you knew you were right to believe.

it was roughly a four-hour journey from tachikawa to himeji by train, and during the entire ride, even when he fell asleep for a short while, your boyfriend did not let go of your hand. you complained about your palms being sweaty as a joke, and he only loosened his hold. you understood - he is making it up to you, but he is also making up for all the wasted time.  

"we're almost there," you told him when he startled from his nap. his bangs were slightly messy, and he bumped his head to your shoulders. "comfy," he hummed. you giggled.

you are still trying to navigate through dating a high-ranking officer of an anti-kaiju defense force unit. relationships aren't strictly forbidden but still frowned upon, which was a little bit of an issue between you and soshiro when you had a proper and long-overdue conversation about what you guys were. confessing is one thing, but when being friends is all you've known your whole life, you know adjustments are supposed to be made here and there.

 which brings you and him back to your hometown.

he didn't exactly disagree with you, but you are aware he had his reservations about the idea of visiting himeji. "oh i'm pretty sure soichiro-kun would be surprised," you said when you were still planning the trip. "yes, we should kiss in front of him and give him a heart attack," soshiro suggested, and you weren't hundred-percent sure he was just joking. maybe you didn't want him to be.

when the streets started to look familiar, soshiro noted the sudden bounce in your pace. you and he have walked in the same alley years ago - he would wait for you after class and would even make up some ridiculous excuse so you could go home together. "i used to pretend to be tired way back just so i could convince you to slow down. i wanted to spend so much time with you," you reminisced.

"i should have known ya were head-over-heels for me," he teased.

"they miss ya, soshiro-kun. ya don't have anything to worry about." the change in topic wiped the smirk off his face. he was suddenly serious, sad even. there was a part of you that regretted saying the words, but he had to hear it - you only wanted to reassure him after all.

"just that i haven't been here for a long while", he said, squeezing your hand. "i don't know if they think this place is still my home."

"ya need to have faith in the people you care about, soshiro-kun. ya need to trust that they care about ya too," you solemnly advised. "i know that doesn't make any sense sometimes, but that's how i do it."

"have i told ya i love you so much?" he responded, to which you smiled.

"only a thousand times," you joked once more.

the hoshina estate is a spacious one - you have to pass through an automated black gate that directs you to the main house, the cobblestone path lined with cherry blossom trees, their delicate petals swirling when the wind blows gently; the grandeur of the home soshiro grew up in is undeniable with its traditional japanese architecture. a man with striking features and an aura of authority was waiting at the entrance, waiting for his son.

“father,” soshiro greeted the man, bowing deeply.

“an embarrassment that your friend will be the one to bring you home when you could have done it a long time ago,” soshiro’s father scolded him. his stare at soshiro was that of disappointment, which quickly disappeared when he looked at you. “ah, my dear, come on in, hurry, come on in,” he turned and said to you, inviting you in. the hoshina patriarch had always been fond of you - soshiro’s parents had wanted a daughter and they found one in you.

soshiro rolled his eyes. “my father’s favorite child is my girlfriend, great,” he muttered.

the maids made you a great dinner, cooking soshiro’s favorite food per his father’s request. conversation was light, and it was apparent that the old hoshina wanted to catch up so badly on how his son was doing, inquiring in consecutive questions about soshiro’s rank in the unit, his experiences so far, and his long-term plans in staying with the force. soshiro’s replies are detailed, but you know he intentionally did not mention all the instances where he almost died fighting.

soshiro’s father regaled you both with stories of soshiro’s childhood antics - “do ya remember, my dear, when soshiro tripped and fell on his face after training with soichiro? we were so worried, but he only fell asleep,” he recited the memory as if it was just yesterday., his kansai accent thick on his words. the tension that had lingered in the air had dissipated as you finished your meal.

“i had the guest room prepared for ya so ya can rest for tonight,” soshiro’s father had said when his son cut him off.

“no, we can sleep together,” soshiro declared, and thinking it might have sounded improper, he spoke again. “beside each other, i mean. in my room. because we’re tired. from travelling all day," he attempted to clarify but failed.

“ah, may i look forward to a grandchild soon from ya two?” color drained from your face as you slowly closed your eyes. you fought off a laugh but failed.

“ya may, but we aren’t doing that here of all places,” soshiro argued just as his father had turned his back on the both of you, amused with himself. at least now you know where soshiro got his sense of humor.

the hot shower felt great against your tensed muscles, and if you weren’t that exhausted, you would have opted for a bath instead. soshiro wanted to speak to his father alone, so when he ushered you inside his childhood bedroom, he’d let you know that he would be gone while you were cleaning yourself up. you were relieved; you haven’t seen your own father since you were a teenager, and it would be a shame to see it happening to the person you care about the most, not if you can do something about it. and this is not to say that you wanted to fix soshiro’s life - you pointed this out to him once - but he’s had a terrible habit of holding back and assuming the worst, so you had decided that if you could help him out, you would push him to the right direction.

“didn’t ya pack clothes?” his eyes were on you immediately after he came in, finding you on the bed with your phone, wearing his shirt.

“i did, but yours look better,” you replied, holding your arms out and showing him how oversized it is on you - the sleeves are passed your elbows, the hem reaching the middle of your thighs.

“they look better on ya, i agree.” he sat on the mattress for a few moments before lying down, his legs dangling off the edge of the bed. “ya all good?”

“i am,” you said to him. “especially because i scanned yer photos when ye're still little while ya were gone,” you informed him then showing him a folder you created in your device - baby hoshina soshiro folder, you named it - full of duplicates you made of the framed pictures of your boyfriend all over the house. there’s one where he didn’t have any hair at all; there’s one where he was close to crying but appeared to be keeping the tears in; there’s one where he was missing a tooth but smiling like there’s no tomorrow. soshiro moved to take your phone away, but you were quicker than him.

“this is payback, for all the times ya weren’t talking to me.” you were alluding to the three long months when you were still an applicant to the defense force and soshiro acted like you were a stranger. he had apologized for it already, but it is nice to make fun of him sometimes so you brought it up. “that hurt my feelings, ya know.” you laid down beside him, invading his personal space, your shoulders touching his.

“i was stupid”, he said. “and it’s not like i could have come up to ya and said, hey i’m sorry for leaving ya in himeji, by the way i’m crazy for ya.”

“and all those times i thought ya had something with commander ashiro, oh god!” you exclaimed for effect. “by the way, the other recruits thought the same.”

“it’s not like that between her and me.” his gaze on you was brief. “it’s not like that with anyone else.”

“it better not be, because i’m leaking all yer baby photos to the first division if ya mess up,” you threatened him despite not needing to.

“i promise, i won’t.” he grabbed your hand from your side and linked it with his, cradling it to his chest before bringing it to his lips. “i’m not that stupid.”

soshiro’s childhood room was what you would expect from a teenage boy: a king-sized bed, a bookshelf of manga, a cabinet showcasing knives and blades. you never had the opportunity to enter his room even when you were kids, you realized. you looked up to the ceiling and you saw green dots that formed shapes - makeshift constellations, you recognized the patterns - little plastic stickers that you glue to surfaces. “are those supposed to be stars?”

soshiro sighed, his arm on top of his face. “yeah, uh - remember when uh - i think that was in junior high, and ye're so into astronomy? i thought it’d be a good idea to know the names of the stars to impress ya, so i started trying to memorize them.”

you shifted to face him, speechless. maybe if you had known this, if you had known the other things you are certain now that soshiro had done and was willing to do for you, you wouldn’t have wasted years questioning your place in his life and deciphering his feelings. a wave of warmth washed over you as you reached out and lifted his arm off his face, meeting his eyes.

soshiro’s lips felt as soft as it looks like, you thought as you kissed him. you pushed yourself into him, and he pulled you tighter until it seemed there was not enough air for you to breathe - until your chests were pressed together it was as if your hearts were beating as one. something sparked inside you; the sensation of being so close to soshiro about to consume you from within. his hand crawled to your hips and remained there. you drew back a bit after that, and when you saw the panicked look on his face, you kissed him again.

“i love you,” you told him in between pants.

the night went on, and by the end of it, hoshina soshiro discovered that his favorite sound is you moaning his name.

[justwinginglife]

hi!!!!^^ uhm may I request soshiro hoshina x reader where they are forced to get married but hoshina is unhappy and tried to get the reader to hate which lead to a massive argument between you two you can decide the ending^^ or maybe just he found you heavily injured after the battle because you can't focus?(angst with happy ending)

it's ok if you don't want to make it^^. please don't mind my english it's not my first language

I totally don't mind your English, thank you so much for the request, I'll do my best with it! I appreciate you reaching out.

Done Deal

You were supposed to marry Soichiro Hoshina. Everyone knew it. You were his. You'd been his since birth. Your family and his family had planned this your whole lives, and then he went and ruined it by joining the Defense Force. It pushed plans back farther and eventually it seemed like you might never marry him if he kept stalling like this.

You didn't mind. It gave you time to do what you actually wanted. You even got to know his younger brother. You were actually closer in age to Soshiro but being the first born of your clan, you had to marry the first born of his clan which put you in your current predicament. Just waiting to be trapped in a loveless marriage.

Of course you and Soichiro had learned to be pleasant with each other over the years, but there was no chemistry. And it didn't help that you always stood up for Soshiro when Soichiro would pick on him. He'd complain that you were supposed to take his side because you were his fiancee. You hated him calling you that. He only liked this arrangement when it was convenient for him and you knew it. You'd roll your eyes and tell him to stop being a jerk and then you'd split a popsicle with Soshiro while Soichiro sulked off somewhere.

You liked Soshiro but never thought about being more with him due to the hopelessness of your situation. Then after years of nothing changing, the situation finally progressed. His parents called you over to their estate to discuss your current engagement.

"At present- it seems Soichiro is unwilling to marry, saying he's busy running a division. And of course, stubborn Soshiro has gone off and joined the Defense Force against our advice as well, but he's only a Vice Captain and he has more time to carry out our wishes. We'd like you to carry on the clan name with him instead and make heirs."

You were shocked. Was this really happening?

"Does... does Soshiro know?" You ask slowly.

They shook their heads. "He's on his way in now, we'll discuss more when he gets here."

You wait in silence, your heart thumping in your chest. Soshiro was to be your husband. Soshiro- the boy who hid with you high in the branches of a looming tree while his parents searched the entire estate for you, trying to force you to spend time with his brother. Soshiro- the boy who snuck you food through your bedroom window when you got in trouble with your parents and they sent you to bed with no dinner. Soshiro- the boy who once whispered when you were sick and he thought you couldn't hear him that he might have loved you better than anyone if he had been given the chance. You swallow at the memory. You had both been teenagers then. You wonder if he still felt the same. It had been a long time since you'd seen him, he went off protecting his country and you had taken up managing your family company like the good heir that you were.

The only time you'd ever broken rules or didn't follow instructions was when you were off having fun with Soshiro. But those days were over now. You were grown and you'd have to act like it. You couldn't keep avoiding your fate, your job was to take over as the family head and so you did.

You wonder if you disappointed Soshiro. He used to always ask you to run away to the Defense Force with him when you were younger, sparring together for practice. The look on his face when you told him you couldn't see him anymore because your parents had caught wind of your reckless activities with him... he must've hated you then. You wondered if he hated you now.

You watch as he enters the room, removing his shoes and kneeling before his parents, not looking at you.

"Ah, Soshiro. Welcome home. We have much to talk about."

He listens in silence as they explain the situation. You peek over at him and his face looks strained. You almost wince. He looks like he's nearly in pain at the thought of being stuck with you. It stings more than you thought it would.

He finally speaks. "No. I refuse. Tell Soichiro to get his ass back home and take her."

Your eyes widen. "B-but why?" You say suddenly and then clap a hand over your mouth.

He huffs, his eyes trained on the wooden floor at his knees. "Why? Because you're his. I don't want someone else's woman."

You want to say, "But I'm not though." You don't say anything.

"That's what I thought." He gets up and leaves, slamming the door behind him.

You flinch.

His parents apologize to you and invite you to stay over at their estate for the week while they make wedding preparations. They completely ignore Soshiro's blatant refusal to marry you and continue on like it'll happen anyway.

You eat dinner with them in silence, your thoughts swirling in your head. You try to hold back tears that you weren't even aware you had for him. How could he not want you? You know it's been awhile since the two of you were on friendly terms but you thought he might brush that aside because of how much history you had together.

After dinner, you go to the room the Hoshina's have prepared for you. You stare out the window at the familiar tree you used to climb with Soshiro and as your eyes trace the trunk upwards, you see a figure sitting on one of the higher branches. You almost laugh. Just like old times huh? You slip out of your kimono and put some pants on.

You reach the base of the tree and run your hands over it, smiling softly as the memories come running back to you. Then you start to climb. He sees you coming and calls down to you to go away and leave him in peace. You ignore him and keep climbing, pulling yourself up higher and higher. You sit on a branch across from him. He looks away from you.

"Don't remember your hearing being so shit." He grumbles, picking at the leaves on the branch.

"Don't remember you being such an ass." You shoot back with a laugh. It's just good to talk to him again alone, even if he is being a jerk.

He rolls his eyes and then just watches you for a moment, appreciating the outfit you've changed into. "You looked stiff in that kimono anyway."

"Shut up Soshiro. I looked good."

He snorts but his cheeks flush a little.

You lean in to get a better view of him and he waves you away.

"What is it with you anyway? I don't see you or hear from you in years and now all of a sudden you're trying to marry me. I see you're still doing whatever the fuck your parents want." He snaps.

You inhale sharply at that. Yeah. He was still bitter. "I... I know." You say slowly.

He rolls his eyes. "That's all you've got to say? You're pathetic. I would never marry you." He bites his lip as he says this, almost like he wants to take it back.

You don't notice his regret as the tears have started to well up in your eyes. You reach for him but he flinches and you pull away. "I'm sorry. You're right. But I just thought... maybe I could love you better than anyone if I was given the chance," You say, quoting him from when you were teenagers.

He stops breathing.

You wait for him to respond but he doesn't.

You sigh and nod, defeated. "Goodnight Soshiro."

You start to climb back down the tree, you're almost all the way down when your foot slips and you fall.

You hear him gasp right before you hit the ground.

Everything goes black.

You dream of Soshiro. He's smiling at you and he offers you half of his popsicle. "I want you to... to try to love me." He says.

You reach out and touch his cheek and he nuzzles against your hand.

"I do want it..." He repeats again. I know you do, you try to say but your mouth doesn't seem to want to move.

"So please, please just wake up. Just come back to me and I'll marry the shit out of you." He pleads, his voice strangled now.

You blink.

"What do you mean Soshiro? I'm right here."

He disappears from your dreams and searing hot pain fills your head.

You try to stand but your legs don't work. The pain from your head starts to seep down your neck and into your back. Everything hurts. Everything aches. You can't move.

You blink. Blink again.

Soshiro is leaning over you, eyes wide, fingers trembling as he grips your hand. "Oh thank god. You're awake."

"I think I may retire from my tree-climbing days," You groan as you remember what just happened.

He scoffs at you, irked you're making jokes about being injured, but a small smile tugs at the edges of his lips. "Idiot. Just rest for now okay?"

"Thought you said to wake up, now you want me to go back to bed?" You poke his cheek.

He grabs your hand before you can pull back and he holds it there, against his cheek. "You're such a handful. Most troublesome wife ever."

Your eyes widen. "W-wife?"

He nods slowly, watching your reaction. "Let's... let's get married yeah?"

You smile, ignoring the pain searing through you at the effort it takes just to do it. "Just takes me falling out of a tree to seduce you huh?"

He scoffs again and rolls his eyes. But then he looks down at his fidgeting fingers. "You meant what you said... up there, right? I want... I want you to try to love me."

OH. So it wasn't a dream. He actually said it.

You smile even wider and snuggle closer to him.

"It's a done deal."

[biolumien]

HELLO!! i dont normally send requests (up to a year in tumblr, i have only sent.. 2. including this one.) but i was wondering if you write platonic stuff? :') im deadly inlove with your works, never fails to disappoint huhuu and i adore them, and if you do, do you mind writing a hoshina x younger sibling reader? maybe they have a bad relationship with him and tries to make it up by joining the third division so that they could get closer, but he's just giving the cold shoulder and ignoring them. in the end the reader gets injured - hopefully this isn't too detailed!! i was also wondering if you take anons.. if you do - could i be 🐾 anon? mentioning this again but i seriously do love your works they're all so well written 🥹

notes: aaaa?!?!? im really honored that you decided to request something from me;; fun fact im actually an only child (lol) so i hope this is something you were looking for!! (i am still a bit sick >_<...

siblings, siblings...

soshiro hoshina & sibling!reader general description of injury and blood on your end. word count: 899

you and soshiro were never really close. as the youngest of the hoshina family and with the best unleashed combat power in guns, you were often lauded as the family’s best chance in the defense force—which put you at odds with soshiro’s utter lack of combat power in the firearms department. you’d tried to reach out—to talk, to do anything—but soichiro and soshiro never had time for you. 

or well, it seemed as if soshiro considered you his number one enemy. the antithesis of his existence—that by the fact you existed, it seemed as if he would be utterly worthless after all. 

when you transferred to the third division, you received no acknowledgement from soichiro or soshiro. 

“i trust you will lay your life down for the cause as effectively as you have in other divisions,” mina said to you on the day you were sworn in, your brother at her side. 

he didn’t look at you. 

“you have quite the impressive resume,” mina had said. “second and first division positions. an easy shoo-in for division leader right after gen narumi. what made you decide to enter the third division?” 

you’d swallowed, watching soshiro very pointedly not looking at you. 

“i… no reasons, in particular,” you’d lied. “just… um… curious in expanding my options. is all.” 

soshiro’s eyes had been cold. 

it was clear where the two of you stood, and soshiro wanted nothing to do with you, even if you’d basically demoted yourself from a cushy spot in the first division for it. the two of you rarely spoke—and if he ever acknowledged you at all, it was with one word responses or an affirmative, very stiff nod, as if it killed him utterly and completely to acknowledge you. 

were the two of you sweet once? had you run around the hoshina estate giggling once? had that been you?

…

would it ever be you again, even if it had? 

(you remember the taste of konpeito that soshiro would sneak you from soichiro’s collection of sweets, and he would raise a finger to his lips, telling you it was a secret.)

(but then why did you remember the feeling of asphalt against your feet on the days where soshiro seemed to forget to train as he dragged you towards the grass to play chase?)

(then why did you remember the times where you’d have a bad nightmare, but never felt brave enough to go to soichiro, so you’d always gone to soshiro instead? he’d laughed, cocky and brilliant even late at night and told you not to worry because he’d cut up your bad dreams. and you believed him, because he was your big brother and he’d never been wrong, never been cruel the way soichiro was to you and soshiro.)

why did you have to remember all of that?

you cough out a mouthful of blood. 

of course you only remember all of that right now as you bleed out. 

your eyes feel heavy.

what had the attack been, again? a yoju? a honju? you could’ve taken it down on your own, right? did it matter? your gun didn’t do anything—it couldn’t, laying uselessly on the ground next to you as you felt another choking mouthful of blood cloying against your lips. 

you want to scream. 

what was the point, you wanted to ask. what was the point of transferring if your brother wouldn’t acknowledge you—even though all you wanted to do was speak to him again? 

“don’t close your eyes.”

thank god you still have enough energy for your eyes to fly open, staring up at soshiro, who leaned down to haul you to your feet—but really he was putting most of your weight on him, your feet barely scraping the floor. 

“soshiro,” you rasp. “why?” 

“that’s what i should be asking you,” soshiro’s voice was still cold. distant, as he began walking you back towards the other troops—carefully, so as to not upset your wounds. “why did you transfer out of the first division? from what i heard, you were making quite the name for yourself out there. needed to steal my spotlight that badly?” 

“that’s not it,” you snap, wincing in pain. “i just wanted my brother back. is that so much to ask for? i figure it is, because you just randomly stopped talking to me for no goddamn reason!” 

you feel soshiro freeze up. 

“you wouldn’t get it.”

he sounds resentful. 

“fuck no i wouldn’t!” you say. “i don’t know what’s going on because you won’t tell me! but the only thing i do know is that i want to be able to talk to at least one of my big brothers that doesn’t treat me like shit! because as it stands right now, both of you do!” 

you gasp out in pain, coughing up another mouthful of blood. 

soshiro’s body is still tense, his hand tightening where it’s wrapped around your arm. 

“i’m—” soshiro mutters. “sorry. i—i just.” he laughs. “i’m a sorry excuse for an older brother, huh?” 

“you are,” you retort, and soshiro laughs again, and he sounds almost like he did when the two of you were younger. 

“let’s go home,” soshiro says after a moment, his voice less resentful now. 

you feel almost like a kid again in that moment, leaning on soshiro after you’d fallen during tag, having scraped your knee. 

“okay,” you wheeze out. “okay.” 

[applestorms]

the misa post

adding a lil additional note here because this thing SPIRALED the fuck out, even more so than some of my usual essays. therefore, i will be going back to my roots by breaking this post down into two sections: misa and sexuality, and misa and romance/death. skip to whatever section, if you wanna. or don't. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

misa and sexuality:

honestly, the way that misa engages with her sexuality in DN is such a fascinating topic in and of itself. i really have quite mixed feelings about it because while yes, to some degree the art and story does sexualize and objectify her, there is also an element of agency to it that i don’t often see people talk about…?

like, idk. misa is a model, she does act, her job primarily involves working in front of cameras. she’s selling her Image and her body and she’s well aware of how to market the appeal— we literally see her doing this during yotsuba, when they’re trying to free matsuda after he runs around like an idiot and gets caught.

i actually think it's quite interesting that she specifies being against nudity here but alright with swimsuits and lingerie— full nudity implies sex work, something that in the mainstream might be considered "dirty" or somehow less/not worthy of respect (even if that's utter bullshit). yet lingerie is fine, despite having similar implications of sexuality, blocking off the most private areas and thereby allowing profit off of the same concept but without the associated disapproval. you could read this panel as misa simply knowing her boundaries and what she is and isn't comfortable with— but i think it's interesting that you could just as easily read this as misa knowing what boundaries she is and isn't allowed to have, if she is to market herself as effectively as possible and maintain her public image.

off the top of my head i can only think of two major examples where it’s clear that misa is super overtly being sexualized by forces outside of her control/with no particularly meaningful justification, at least in terms of visuals. this panel, which managed to sneak in a panty shot:

which, weirdly enough was actually kind of foreshadowed by sayu earlier in the chapter:

(sidenote1: does light really not have any other fucking chairs? further evidence that he doesn't really connect with people pre-DN, if he's not really prepared to have any guests in his room. anti-social weirdo.)

and, of course, the classic torture cover from chapter 33:

though i must admit, it is difficult to find any image of a character getting tied up like this that doesn't have some implication of sexuality. bondage torture is just a classic like that. though the camera certainly doesn't help, L— and neither does the fact that light and soichiro are not put into an equally objectifying, sense-deprived contraption like this, and instead just get normal ass bare cells.

in many other cases however, misa herself is the one flaunting her sexuality, typically as a means of trying to appeal herself to light but sometimes i think you can definitely read it as misa just. dressing the way that she wants to dress because it's cute? like, okay, in terms of trying to appeal herself to light we've got this classic panel from after the timeskip ft. a particularly homosexual light moment:

but there's also plenty of misa moments that just look like this:

girlie is chilling. literally kicking her feet, stalking her crush in bed with her supernatural death god girlfriend.

to be clear, this is not to say that death note isn't sexist or has particularly fantastic writing for its female characters. rather, what i'd like to point out here is that there are different levels under which we can view and analyze misa's sexuality:

the base level, of a girl who is comfortable with her body and fine with wearing revealing clothing

the level above that, involving the fact that misa's job revolves around selling her image, of which her sexuality is a key factor

and then the uppermost meta level, surrounding the fact that misa is a character in a story not only written and illustrated by men, but sold in shounen jump, meaning that she is thus filtered pretty significantly through a quite literal male gaze

it both can be and is true that misa is simultaneously objectified for her body on multiple levels and a pretty fucking horny person herself (or at the very least, willing to push that for the sake of her own goals)

remember, misa is the one pushing for their "alone time" here.

just. idk. i suppose my main point here is simply that i think this is a topic that deserves to be looked at with more nuance. there is credence to both the claims that misa is sexualized in DN and that misa herself has agency in how she chooses to dress and present herself, and i don't think you can cleanly separate those two aspects without losing something significant.

honestly, when it comes down to it, my personal take is that the real problem of sexism in DN is less about the particular ways in which individual female characters are presented/traits they are given, and more about the broad strokes of how women in general are treated... if my post on that particular subject ever ends up seeing the light of day, i guess i'll link that right about here. anyways,

misa and romance/death:

if there is one thing that her parents dying, almost being killed by a stalker, and making contact with a shinigami teaches misa, it is that love is something you kill and die for.

i really don't think that you can separate out "death" from "love" when it comes to misa, not only in terms of general themes, but also when it comes to how she personally views the world. i mean, just look at rem and gelus— death literally loves her, and in the process of loving her, allows her to cheat her way back to life. ryuk calls light a better shinigami than the actual shinigami, but honestly, if anyone fulfills that role, it's misa— she's the one whose life gets cut down until others stock it back up, who has so little regard for life (both in terms of others' and her own), who gambles her time again and again and does whatever she wishes, when she wishes, how she wishes.

it's that second point in particular that really gets to me here. throughout the story, misa shows herself to be equally detached from both the world and herself— she kills without care, gives up half her lifespan without a speck of a second thought, throws herself into dangerous situations and pushes for what she wants even when she knows it's stupid and probably going to get her caught. i'm slightly tempted to say that death's love for misa is the only mutual love she ever has, but that has some implications that i don't think quite fit. misa doesn't get a kick out of killing, she is not (overtly, or very explicitly) suicidal in the sense that she constantly expresses a yearning to kill or be killed. it's more of a toned down attachment than that, which... kinda gets into my next point, on misa's relationships. namely, with two very important people: rem and light.

in terms of rem... i struggle to analyze this relationship sometimes in the context of canon because at times it just feels like there is so little to work with. but perhaps that also fits, in a way...?

one thing that i think the musical really got right about rem is the fact that she has some of the most genuine feelings of love in the entire series, just in general but also specifically in terms of how other characters treat/approach misa. again, misa is a person whose job revolves around people loving or being attracted to her. i have a very hard time believing that the person who tried to kill her was her first or her last stalker, but even without getting to that level of intensity, much of the love surrounding misa is superficial, distant. she is beloved for the image she fits and the role that she plays, but very few people (if anyone) are even capable of getting close enough to recognize the self she hides under that mask (assuming, of course, that she ever lets that core part of her out).

rem is perhaps one of those few people, seemingly having watched misa for years alongside gelus before breaking that parasocial divide and meeting her idol in person. yet, it's also that very period of watching that puts a strain on their relationship, in my mind...

to put it bluntly: apologies to any and all remisa shippers, but i simply Do Not see there being much canon evidence that rem's love for misa is in any way mutual. not only do i struggle to think of any notable scenes where misa displays even an inch of affection or care towards rem, but misa is also kind of horrifically apathetic to rem's death, iirc. i mean, in a way, she's basically the cause of it— in failing to remember L's name upon getting her memories back, she pushes the first domino in the line leading up to watari, L, and rem's deaths.

misa basically treats rem like just another stalker, accepting her love so long as it is somewhat distant or gets her what she wants.

but, like. as shitty as that is to think about, it does kinda fit that misa would treat genuine love this way. at no point does she push back on or try to change rem's mind about this, or even really say fucking anything in response to rem's overt romantic/threatening overtures about how she'll kill anyone who tries to hurt her. i'm kinda inclined to view this as misa's attempt at kindness, accepting the love of her fans for what it is but never pushing it in either direction. she neither demands rem's love, nor attempts to dissuade it— it is what it is, and what happens, happens. and if it results in rem's death, or results in her own... at least it all happened out of love.

now, in terms of light... i was gonna make this its own post but it's on topic, so i might as well just add it here.

it is simultaneously so, so sad and yet also so, so utterly fucking funny that misa is perfectly designed to be everything that light absolutely hates. like, to just list it out cuz i literally have too many points to simplify this down into proper paragraphs rn, misa is:

uncontrollable. supposedly, misa is a perfect little devoted disciple of KIRA, willing to do anything and anything for him as thanks for getting justice for her parents' killer. but like... we all know how this actually works out. misa does whatever the fuck she wants, usually with the thin justification that it'll help KIRA in some way, and light is left behind to deal with the clean up.

stupid. no, not really— but she at the very least presents herself as such, as a ditzy, silly little girl, willing to do anything for love even if it hurts her. really, all this proves is that she wears a mask, just the same as light, though in the process she manages to also reflects to his own sins back at him. misa plays stupid so that she can justify doing stupid things without having to feel bad about it (or get emotionally attached at all?)— light plays god, a being above human morals, so he can do horrifically immoral things without having to feel bad about it. equal and opposite, in the worst possible way.

powerful. and pushy. the only person more stubborn than light yagami is misa amane, etc. etc. just like KIRA, she is a key pawn that light must rely on logistically, but is disgusted with all the same. misa is not a god, not in the way that KIRA is— she's just another filthy criminal, uncaring about the horrible acts she has committed. but she fits herself into his plans in just the right way that he can't quite come out and condemn her directly, and therefore is stuck quietly stewing in his dislike of her instead.

a liability. related to this is the fact that she is essentially unkillable, at least as long as rem is alive. many of the points behind her being uncontrollable apply to this one as well.

feminine. in a way that light dislikes, but also cannot ignore. she's cute and hot in a way that light is supposed to like, if he is to fit in w/ his Just A Typical, Good, Respectable Boy routine, but also drives him up the wall— pitting his desire to be "good" against his desire to be a "boy," essentially. (this point in particular is taken from THIS POST, big thanks to shydroid3000 for the beautiful yotsuba light analysis!!!)

possessive. controlling, in a way, which is again ironically exactly like light himself. light Hates being controlled because it means there may be factors outside of what he has power over, a trait which becomes increasingly relevant in the latter half of the story.

untouchable. even after rem's death, light can never quite get into the right position to kill her. she's almost too effective, causing light problems (e.g. yotsuba) and fucking things up, but never in such a way that he can easily place the blame on her shoulders alone. she is useful, a necessary evil, outliving multiple gods.

and, above all else, ultimately...

(sidenote2: it's kinda interesting to compare misa to L in this regard, actually, especially in terms of why light gets so attached to L but hates misa so viciously, despite L also being quite a bit like light? i guess you could say that misa reflects back the parts of light that he doesn't like as much, or even more specifically that she reflects KIRA back at him, where L matches/opposes light in terms of what he sees to be his better traits— his intelligence, his social power, etc. something to consider.)

to follow up on the sentiments of this post: misa does not love light. she relies on him to fill the hole in her life, in her, as a quick fix to avoid having to engage with the deep-seated grief that haunts her, an answer to the horrifying question of why she is even still here, alive, so long after her appointed bell has already stopped ringing.

to tie this all together, then... i suppose it's fitting that both love and sexuality are are so essentially Empty when it comes to misa amane. ultimately, she is a character defined by a misery she never allows herself to show to the world, a girl stubbornly sticking to the first reason she managed to find for living. again, just like light, she is a character that never grants herself the ability to truly grow up, stuck in the same childish, immature cycles of thinking and methods of presentation she came up with when her life first failed to end. a tragedy in her own right, unable to even remember the face of the one being that genuinely loved her at the moment of her own true death.

born on christmas, dead on valentines. how fitting.

[optimisticgardenhologram]

I’m so obsessed with Mello and Near’s complicated, fascinating, heartbreaking dynamic. If only Mello wasn’t such a little shit (affectionate) and could’ve just put aside his ego and actively joined up with Near sooner, almost certainly they would have taken down Kira much sooner and he would’ve survived.

But this said, I want to propose that he already was gradually making his way there and by all evidence he WAS starting to overcome the inferiority complex that dogged him his whole life. And I think it's one of the great tragedies of the story.

To start, something imo interesting is it was always Mello that was actively tried to make their “partnership” (or situation ship, or using-each-other ship – basically helping each other however you cut it) happen, even though HE’S specifically the one that rejected it in the first place. To me it seems after the mafia raid where he lost everything, and nearly his life, Mello started to accept that Kira is his real enemy not Near. That dividing his attention and efforts between maintaining his rivalry with Near and hunting down Kira is unsustainable and ultimately futile.

First, he’s the one who came to Near, who shared more information than a simple even-ing of the playing field would require. There was a lot that Mello knew and Near didn’t about the notebook, something that only someone whose seen and used it and has interacted with the Shinigami could know. If Mello wanted to ensure he kept the lead position in their race and just wanted to not be in Near’s debt for the photo, he could have told Near something of less consequence – but instead Mello told Near THE singularly most important clue he uncovered, the critical fact needed to break open the case - the truth about 13 day rule.

Mello is the one who chooses to send leads to Near instead of continuing to work alone – I honestly think delivering Mogi was something of an unspoken peace offering. And again it was essential to Near’s investigation – Light wasn’t allowing him to speak to the Task Force team and Near wasn’t going to force the issue but he also didn’t have any OTHER leads to follow and he was in danger of stagnation. It was only because of the situation Mello created that Near was able to interview Aizawa and deduce Kira's identity as Soichiro Yagami's son, Light.

Although Near is and always has been willing to work together he never expends real effort to it. And I don't think it's out of malicious intent - this is just how Near is; it's absolutely in line with his character to not initiate, to make minimal exertion while quietly observing. But it's not that he doesn't NEED Mello's help - Near does, and he knows it. Whether it's offered willingly or just a by-product of being an observer to Mello's pot-stirring, every step forward Near's been able to make was a result of Mello's actions. And yet Near passively accepts the information and leads Mello offers him but without reciprocating at the same level. 

Near protects Mello’s photo for 4 years hoping Mello will come to him. Once he becomes aware of the fact that Mello and Halle are in cahoots he “allows” the situation to continue happening and lets Halle share information with Mello at her discretion, without really getting involved. Near tells Halle she can let Mello know what Aizawa came forth with, but to NOT tell him Kira’s identity.

Mello hypothesizes that Near might have told him what he does about Aizawa and Mogi in the hope that he'd would make some move directly against them which Near could then observe and benefit from the outcome. If that was indeed Near's intent, one can understand how it can be interpreted as disingenuous and unsportsmanlike. If anything Near's the one who holds his cards close. But to be honest...Mello isn't pissed off this time; he seems okay with it. Ultimately he chooses to change targets instead (because at this point he's independently also identified Light Yagami as L aka Kira), but by this point he seems more at peace with their pattern of give and take. 

I think the extent to which they leaned on each other, not only to reveal the fake notebook at the very end and gain the win, but literally every step of the way throughout the entire case is something that tends to be overlooked by fandom, but Near and Mello themselves are well aware of their co-dependency.

And IF Mello somehow lived through the Takada incident to see the end, I truly think the way the events panned out – with the little steps towards cooperation that happened along the way as well as knowing he was able to see and expose the most critical piece of the puzzle, the flaw in the plan that Near overlooked and would have caused him to fail  - it would have been enough to make them something close ‘equal’ in Mello's mind. 

Because he was already making his way there on his own terms, building towards something like trust; like a wet, hungry, feral kitten (sorry for the analogy LOL) to a safe home. And though it would still take time and work to build a healthy relationship, he could have accepted starting to work with Near and sharing L’s mantle. And future-Near wouldn’t end up languishing unmotivated, unhappy and alone.

Unfortunately though, Death Note is not a series for happy endings.

[kiyomitakada]

Light stalks into the hotel room at 1 a.m. It's November 12th already.

They called his mom earlier. He'd almost forgotten, in the midst of it all. Light told her the truth — or as close to the truth as he could get, anyway. The raid. The gunshot wounds. The blood loss. His words came out odd and robotic, which was bad, because it was suspicious. He wasn't sure why he wasn't projecting emotion right.

Aizawa and Ide kept sneaking glances at him through the whole thing. They weren't subtle. Matsuda wasn't either, but at least there was only sympathy in his eyes. Misa held his hand through it all, tracing circles with her thumb. The touch was repulsive. He's pretty sure he'd dug his nails into her palm, considering how hard he'd gripped her hand back, but she hadn't complained a bit.

Sachiko cried. Misa cried, too, even though Dad had never been her father. It felt like an insult to Soichiro Yagami's memory that Light couldn't make the tears come out of his own eyes. He was usually so good at faking it. The dryness felt damning.

"I'll arrange the funeral," he said.

"I'll fly over right away," his mom answered quickly. "I'll get Sayu—"

"No!" He lurched out of his seat without meaning to, then fell back. "Don't tell Sayu."

Aizawa and Ide eyed each other again. He wanted to kill them all.

"We'll have to at some point," his mom said gently.

"I know," Light said. He swallowed. "But Mom, neither of you can come. It won't be safe here. You rented the countryside house for a reason, right? You both have to stay put for now. Mello is still active."

He hoped she would argue. She didn't. "Alright," she said softly. "But you tell me if you need anything, okay, Light?"

"Okay," Light said, and the rest of the conversation was logistics.

It's almost half past one in the morning now. The task force is asleep. Misa is, too, on one of the twin beds they pushed together. He thinks about writing down all the criminals he can in one night and murdering everyone in the building and jumping off the hotel balcony.

"Ryuk," he says instead, as he sits down on the edge of the other bed.

"Yeah?"

He tries to laugh. It comes out wrong, too, but not as badly as the earlier attempt at tears had. "It's funny, isn't it?"

"Wow, Light, I didn't think you were that cold," Ryuk remarks.

"It's just," Light says, "that he only lived one day after trading for the eyes. So even if he hadn't… I guess he wouldn't have stayed alive that long anyway."

Ryuk frowns. "Huh? I don't get it."

"The eyes take away half of your remaining lifespan, right? And Dad wasn't killed by the Death Note, so that really was his natural lifespan. Which means, since he died after one day, he was only going to live two days if he hadn't traded."

It should be a relief. It is a relief. It's not Light's fault. Soichiro Yagami was going to die anyway.

"Wrong," Ryuk says.

Light flinches backwards. It's been five years, but sometimes Ryuk's smile still scares him. "What do you mean, wrong?"

"Welllll… maybe wrong? I dunno, actually." Ryuk scratches his chin with one claw. "Yeah, maybe you're right. I haven't looked at the rules in forever."

"Ryuk, what are you talking about?"

"See, I'm not sure if that half is from how long you would've lived without the Death Note, or if it's from your new lifespan after you get the Death Note."

Light gapes at him. "It's obviously the second one!"

"That's the funny thing, Light-o," Ryuk says, and grins. "You can't know how long someone's gonna live if they have the Death Note. It's impossible. That's why you can't see the numbers over the heads of Death Note owners."

"But — Misa traded half her life away," Light says. "Twice. So it can't be her original lifespan, since that stalker was going to kill her."

Ryuk shrugs. "Who knows? Maybe she's been trading halves of zero this whole time."

"That's… No," Light says. He doesn't notice the way his fingers tighten around his grip on the thin hotel sheets. "No. That would be stupid."

"It is stupid," Ryuk agrees. "You're probably right."

"I'm definitely right." Breathe in. Breathe out. "So you don't know how much time you got from Dad — from my father?"

"No clue," Ryuk says cheerfully. "But it's okay. I've killed oodles of regular people, so I should still have a lot of life left to go."

Light abruptly, desperately hates him.

"I'm going to bed," he says. "Talk to you in the morning."

"Cool," Ryuk says. "I'll go sightseeing."

---

a/n: happy 11/11 :)

[kaijunouhhhhhhhhhhummmm]

soichiro x f!reader/ nsfw/ ramble/ short/ breeding/ reader tied up gagged/ lots of sweat/ very sweet soichiro/ he just wants a family ya know?

“Mmmm, you feel so good baby. Are you feeling good sweet heart? I wanna get you pregnant baby. I want you to have my babies, princess.”

Soichiro is fucking you slowly. Shallow thrusts only putting half of his cock in. Teasing himself. You’re tied to his bed posts facing down. A gag in your mouth. Your legs are spread wide and he’s been coming in you for almost two hours. Once you told him you wanted to get married he’s been insatiable in bed. Obsessed with breeding you. Your pussy is swollen from how long he’s been fucking you. Your ass is covered in sweat and a mixture of your cum and his. Your ass cheeks plump and red with his hand prints.

“I gotta fuck my cum into you baby. I don’t want any to go to waste.” he’s breathing like he’s running a marathon. Sweating so much but the sight of your leaking, gripping pussy coating his cock in your wetness and his cum is keeping him going. Your moans making his length twitch. “I’m so happy baby. I’m so happy I get to do this to you.” He’s sincere and his voice is honey sweet. His white hair sticking to his face.

He lowers himself on top of you. You’re both so slick with sweat he’s practically sliding on you. “I’m gonna cum again, princess.” he’s by your ear. He kisses your sweat soaked neck “We’re gonna have such a big family.” you moan as you feel his hand glide between your legs. “You want that baby?” his thrusting gets deeper. His other hand reaching for yours tied to a post. His dick kissing your cervix. His fingers rubbing your swollen overstimulated clit. “My wife.” his balls tighten. His cock getting harder inside you as he’s getting closer to his release. You feel your pussy tighten as your orgasm starts to get closer too. “Please get pregnant baby. Please.” he breathes harshly into your ear. Your eyes roll back, toes and legs tense, you grip his hand, and you cry out but your gag muffles it as you cum on his cock again. “Yes princess-“ he gives one last thrust as he spills his seed into your already swollen womb. “I love you so much.” he whimpers out. He keeps rubbing your delicate clit making your mind go blank. You don’t feel anything except him. Your orgasm is making you buckle under his weight but he stays steady. He’s still coming, grinding the head of his dick deep into you. You’ll have triplets at this rate. The pressure is so good you swear you’re made just for him to use as he pleases. He finally pulls the gag from your mouth. “Tell me princess. Tell me you want this everyday.”

You know he means it. His eyes begging, looking at you as if you would deny him anything. You can’t form words anymore but manage to moan out a yes. He smiles and kisses your cheek. “Thank you baby.” He turns your head to face him and kisses you slowly. It’s so messy, sweaty and wet. His expression is so tender. “I love you so much.”

He trails kisses down your back while your mind is still in a haze. You feel him untying you. You feel yourself starting to pass out from the exhaustion. “Oh no sweetheart not yet. Please?” he helps you roll over and sit up and rest on him. You groan. You’re sticky, sweaty, and you can feel his cum pooling between your legs on the bed.

“Soichiro…” you whisper. Not because you mean to but your voice is tired from moaning and crying out. “I can’t anymore.” Your whole body is tender. You feel a sort of cozy vibration all through out. It’s pleasant but fuck you need a break. His face looks genuinely disappointed but he can’t argue with you. Instead he nuzzles your ear. “Tomorrow then?”

“Soichiro!”

“Sorry. I’ll run a bath for us.” he kisses your forehead.

“For me you mean.”

You kicked him while he’s down. “Without me?”

[nightfurynova1217]

Crazy revelation I just had about Soichiro's death. This occurred to me while writing a Beyond Birthday fic, and specifically having to keep in mind that death does not surprise him. Sure, he doesn't know how it'll happen, but he always knows when.

It's glossed over if not outright cut from the anime, but it's addressed in a blink-and-ya-miss-it way in the manga, that Soichiro was planning to commit suicide after the raid to Mello's base (for those who were unaware of that fact, it's because he believes his involvement in the case is putting his family in danger, as evidenced by Sayu being kidnapped). The reason he doesn't is obviously because he dies before then, because he cut his time in half after making the eye deal with Ryuk, and instead dies via gunshot wounds and the explosion. Soichiro's life was not taken by a death note, his lifespan was not completely cut short "before his time". My point is, his timer ran out.

MISA. HAS. THE. EYES.

Whether or not she would have figured out the exact formula for how long each tick is, or if she would have calculated the exact date and time, she would have at least seen that Soichiro didn't have much time left compared to everyone else. And she ABSOLUTELY would have told Light. A shinigami would never tell a human how much time they have left, or their loved ones, but there's no rule saying a human with the eyes can't. Even if she never calculates the exact time, she'd notice how much it's ticking down per day and could gauge about how much longer he'd have left. If you think she wouldn't, I'd like to point out that this is her future father-in-law. She would have made the effort. Even if for no other reason than to tell her long-term lover and boyfriend (whom she has lived with for nearly five years now, is her literal partner-in-crime, mastermind behind the schemes, and friggin Lord Kira himself), that his father is going to die in roughly X amount of time. Misa lost both her parents. She knows that pain. She would absolutely want to spare Light from it. She can't save him from it completely, she can't prevent Soichiro's death, but she can brace him for it.

All that now to say, it makes me wonder. Did Light know he was more-or-less sending his father to his death on that mission to raid Mello's base and get the death note back? What we see in both the anime and manga, it seems to suggest that he didn't know and it took him completely by surprise. But logically... he would have at least had an idea that it would be soon.

Now with that lens, while in the hospital and his dad is literally dying, it makes his internal dialogue about "how would a normal person react to this" make a lot more sense than that he has to pretend to care that his dad is dying. It's much less a matter of, "Light is a psychopath and doesn't care about anything other than his goals". It's now more like "he knew his dad's death was coming and has already come to terms with it". That's why it's not fazing him. I will concede that he didn't know that this would be how, or again, he knew it'd be soon but not today, so there's that aspect to consider (I bring that up to say that I like to think Light didn't put on a performance when he started crying, I wanna believe that was legit and he was grieving). But I'm totally open for friendly, civil discussion here.

I rewatched and reread the scene in question and, from a meta standpoint, I'm sure that Ohba just forgot and didn't consider that Misa would know he'd die. But from a character standpoint, I think it shifts the perspective on the scene and adds some interesting nuance.

Thoughts?

[mikami]

"Did Light love his family?" Anon - Catch-All Answer

Since these are six asks that are all about in the same vein, I am gonna just put the responses into one post for organization's sake.

Light begs his father to kill Mello because he wants his father's death to have been good for something. Nothing pains him more than the idea of having let this happen without it even accomplishing his goal.

Light is the physical manifestation of the lost cost fallacy: he needs to keep going because he sacrificed too much to stop and allow those sacrifices to be rendered meaningless.

And Light rationalizes. It's one of his most prominent character traits: instead of acknowledging his own emotions, he tries to filter his thoughts into nothing but emotionless pragmatism.

This is consistently portrayed through the 'hidden eyes' visual key - Light is excellent at lying to himself, in his own thoughts, which is why Obata gave us this clever way of seeing when this is happening even as Light's own internal monologue doesn't reflect it.

I have an incomplete list of these instances here, especially as pertaining to his family.

Ultimately, if we disagree that Light rationalizes his feelings rather than allowing himself to fully feel them, then none of my arguments are ever going to make sense to you and vice versa.

As a short addendum, here's Ohba's own words on this chapter (HTR13 p.80): "Even if there was acting involved in Light's tearful performance, I don't believe the tears are 100% an act." (も し月の涙に演技入っていたとしても、100%演技の涙では到底ないと思います。)

Soichiro already made the eye deal, which is an absolutely horrifying sacrifice to have made. Light wanted it to be as useful as it could possibly be, in order to justify the magnitude of the price.

I hate to say it, but you're really gonna have to take this one up with Ohba himself. On Page 65 of HTR13, he literally says that he picked Sayu as a kidnapping victim because Light loves his family and wouldn't kill her. (Unlike Misa, whom he would have just killed in this scenario rather than letting the plot progress.)

The panel you are thinking of is this one, where he is panicking, but you're not putting it into perspective.

In a previous chapter (62) Ide was about to inform the whole police force that Sayu Yagami was kidnapped. Soichiro was about to agree to this.

If Light had let this happen, he could have killed Sayu without narrowing down the suspect pool at all. They already know that Kira has ties to the police. He would have removed the leverage the mafia had held against them and gotten off entirely scott-free.

He does decidedly NOT do that. It's LIGHT personally who stops Ide from giving him the perfect alibi. EVEN RYUK CALLS OUT HOW ODD THAT WAS AS A MOVE.

And sure, Light says 'oh yeah, now nobody will suspect us!!' but nobody was really suspecting them to begin with.

This is what I mean - Light never allows himself to just feel things, he always rationalizes himself to justify his actions to himself.

His father dying. Dude.

.... literally why would he? Like, even if they don't accept Kira they also pose absolutely no threat to Kira.

I've covered all of this above, but I am including the ask to say that yes, I've seen it. The core issue here is that we disagree on Light's relationship to himself - you take his internal monologue at face value, while I think there is ample evidence that Light manipulates himself most of all. (As made completely manifest in the Yotsuba-Arc where he literally mindwipes himself into an incredibly emotionally and physically painful experience just to use himself as a pawn.)

[purplink8]

A situation where Light would undoubtedly kill his whole family: if after he dies, the thought is planted into his mind, that if he does it he will be reborn/be made into a real god, without ability to doubt that but with the ability to deny it and just die. He wouldn’t, he would make the sacrifice

Hard disagree. I don't think Light would ever do that. I'm linking one relevant post here.

He *wants* his family to see the New World he's working so hard for. He knows they hate Kira but even if they have a neutral opinion on Kira in the future due to the end result he's been striving for, it'll be worth it for him. Their (especially Soichiro's) approval means the world to him.

He hopes that one day, he would (at least) have their albeit begrudging tolerance for Kira.

Remember when Light gave up the Note to Mello as the latter had kidnapped his sister? Because I sure do.

Let's remember that one time when Mello calls Soichiro and asks him the new L's identity lest he kill him and Sayu.

Look at Light's expression. He's torn between giving his own name (which'd mean his death at Mello's hands) or refusing to answer (threatening his dad & sister's lives). We may never know what would've happened if Matsuda hadn't saved the day by offering his name instead but what we do know that Light had difficulty in making a decision that directly put his life at risk. I'd say that's enough evidence that Light (for all his faults) cares for his family and wouldn't kill them.

A part of Light dies after his father's death. He can't meet his family's eyes as he knows his being Kira indirectly put Soichiro in harm's way as he refuses to come home at the New Year's:

Light does not care about being God at the expense of his family's lives imo since we see him again and again putting himself at a strategic disadvantage so that his family may be safe. It backfires naturally, as misfortune follows the Yagami family as long as Light is Kira but he can't stop being Kira either. That does not make his love toward his family any less tho.

[spiralingtrap]

clawing at the walls of my enclosure. what people refuse to understand is that light wasn't destined to be a terrible person, but instead that the moment he put a pen to the death note, he was Doomed. even if no one knew that he had killed otoharada he knew, light, son of soichiro, who pursues justice above all else, is said by the author to be The Only Good Person in the Series, light yagami with loving parents and a sister whom he wanted to protect above all else. HE killed someone and HE knew and even if he wanted to say it was just a coincidence it sunk into his psyche. if anyone found out it would tear his family apart. that is the stone that sunk into him and that is the death note's curse. You Killed Someone and Only You Know.

and then he saves someone with it. he saves a young woman and that's the second nail in the coffin because now he has a reason and that reason aligns with his belief system. and so, already traumatized that he has now killed Multiple People and Cannot Say Anything without ruining his life and also traumatizing his entire family, he has no choice but to keep going. and then kira gets a following. people are encouraging him and he's already being followed by a supernatural being so yeah, sleep deprived and malnourished and in contact with A Death God's Book, pursuing godhood and protecting the innocent becomes the only way forward as he is pushed Further and Further from humanity.

and then the police start pursuing kira. now he's isolated from both sides—kira's followers continue to push him upwards and deify him, while the police (!!! his own father !!!) proclaim him as evil. he couldn't let anyone find out before but now it's even More of a risk, now he has to actively evade capture, dedicate his time and energy to hiding away and isolating himself further and further and further

and then misa appears and it only gets worse, because SHE idolizes and deifies him, so while he does have someone to confide in, it's again someone who will reaffirm that he's right every single time, because He Helped Her. he avenged her parents and so now all she has is him. and all he has is her. and the isolation gets Worse

L is the only person who gets even CLOSE to reaching out to him, poking and prodding at him and tugging at his strings at a very close and personal angle. it's said in L change the worLd that L lost because kira died without realizing the error of his ways. the intention was to bring him back down to earth!! to atone!! not just the death penalty, not just jail for life, to bring him back down to humanity!!

but L dies, and that tie is severed, and from there it only gets worse, because then kira's actions begin hurting his family. but now there's a religious movement, there's countless supporters who want kira to continue, who revere kira as their god, so even as sayu is permanently scarred, even as soichiro dies, he can't stop. because if he stops, all of it was for nothing. because kira has existed for years, he's been lying to his family for years, L was right and he's wasted years and years of his life so he HAS to keep going, until the moment it puts him into the ground. because there's no going back without putting the entire world against him.

[wannabepoeticischiya]

if I can stop one heart from breaking

[ 04 ] — the flares of the sun

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He existed in the morning dew, in the afternoon haze, within the illusions of twilight. He was there. In the silence of midnight, in the wake of dawn... he was there.

Hoshina Soushiro was everywhere... except right here. He existed in every corner of the cosmos-just not in the space beside her.

[Name] treaded the empty hallways of the Hoshina estate. Faint, rhythmic thuds of clothed feet making contact with the wooden floors resonated in the elongated space. Sunlight streamed through the gaps made by the opened screens, illuminating the dust motes dancing in the air.

This time around, she dressed elegantly in a yukata dyed in a gentle hue of periwinkle—a far less pressuring choice of clothing than the one she wore eight days ago. When she oh-so-ceremoniously dropped both her mass and her kimono’s load on Hoshi—err, Soushiro.

A small noise echoed her footfalls, coming from everywhere and nowhere at once, startling the once deathly calm waters of her soul. It shook her body awake. Because even when she ceased her strides, the vibrations only grew—stemming from the center of her chest to reach every branch and root of her being.

At the mention of his name…

[Name] thought that she looked like a fool: standing in the middle of a barren corridor, covering her face that was probably steaming red because her heart would not relent its incessant longing for that—

“Hoshina-sama!”

The Uehara shamelessly turned her head so eagerly at the call. An instinct, a tug, a hurry to steal a glimpse at the face she yearned to see—whatever it was, it didn’t matter… all that occupied her head was that: ‘This is my chance’, and ‘Don’t blow it, act cool…’, with the addition of ‘Not like you’ve been stalking him all week to try and bump into him or anything’.

[Name] closed her eyes and heaved in a breath, putting a hand over her chest in an attempt to try and placate her heart’s erratic cries. What am I doing? I’m acting like a lovesick middle schooler! Pull yourself together!

As the curtains that fell on her irises finally rose, [Name] came to terms with the fact that she was an idiot. See what your twitterpated behavior brought home? Foolishness! Everyone here is a Hoshina! [Name] tried to conceal her chagrin, yet a frown still managed to carve its way onto her face at the sight of some nobody at the end of the hall.

He possessed the same narrow eyes and the thin eyebrows nearly every person in this Hoshina-infested place had, but his hair gave away that he was not the person that plagued [Name]’s dreams.

The person in her visions grew a field of heliotropes on his head, a shade of violet dark enough that it embraced the warmth of the sun… but this one had threads shaded in daffodils that only faded into lavender at the ends of their journey, entwined with one another like the cords of a bracelet.

[Name] did not deny that the man who stood at the opposing end did bear a resemblance to the Hoshina she was searching for, but then again… everybody here did. The Uehara let her illusion of apathy shatter, letting whoever decided to look her way know that ‘it wasn’t you who I wanted to see but here I am seeing you anyway’.

“Soichiro-sama?”

Soichiro paid no mind to the servant addressing his return, instead, he turned his attention to the figure of a woman walking down the section of the estate that would lead her to the dojos.

The silver-haired Hoshina tilted his head in wonder at the sight of the stranger who stood out like a sunflower in a meadow filled with asters. Despite not sparing a single glance in her general direction, he felt every stab and cut of her sharp stare. When her head rose like daybreak, gaze akin to sunshine piercing through clouds at the mention of his name, the stranger appeared as though she longed for someone to say that, like she wasn’t in a place where everybody can be called by that name—or perhaps she hoped that by some miracle, the bearer of the name was the person she was seeking.

Seeing as she brazenly displayed her disappointment at the sight of him, as though he was some revolting nobody, he could safely assume that he wasn’t the one on her list.

Still, a thought blossomed in his mind that maybe he’d run into her again… perhaps then, he might be able to help her find the right Hoshina.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

[Name] was close to giving up, in fact, she wasn’t even sure why she was doing this in the first place. More than a week ago, she was sure that this whole endeavor was going to burst into flames within the first few days, but here she was… actually enjoying the warmth brought upon by the stars.

A small smile grazed her face at the memory, no longer tormented by the embarrassment she had to put herself through to step foot into that scenic moment. But how am I supposed to make this work when I can’t find him anywhere? She internally yelled, fisting her digits and drumming them in the air, looking like a toddler having a silent tantrum.

The woman sighed, her head mirroring the image of a wilted plant: downcast, devoid of hope, sad.

Honestly… what in the world am I doing?

Her muffled footfalls continued to echo within the corridors, travelling from one shoji screen to another before they clashed with the frantic melodies of wood colliding with each other. Bokuto?

For the first time since her previous dismay, [Name] let her eyes drink in her surroundings, finding herself nowhere near the gardens she had come to love. In the place of grass and vermillion leaves were wooden statues accompanied by racks of traditional weaponry. Training grounds.

The sound of lumber knocking against lumber continued to ring, filling the void left by the soullessness of the place.

“As expected of you, Hoshina-sensei!” [Name]’s ears perked at the name, feeling that all too familiar warmth bubbling in the oceans of her soul—right before her earlier half-wittedness came back to laugh at her face. Everybody here is a Hoshina, you loopy, lovesick loser! Get a grip!

A resounding slap blanketed the atmosphere for a moment not lasting more than a second, nearly overpowering the relentless sound of training swords parrying one another. C’mon me, you’re better than this! The sting on both sides of her cheeks helped ease the tremors in her heart. Towering waves of fervor crumbling at the sensation.

“Not bad, but you left yourself wide open.”

Everything fell silent after that. And for a moment, even the zephyrs ceased their eternal waltz, the waters that rushed through the gardens lulled to a dreamless state, rustling of what was left of summer that adorned the trees remained inanimate; a movie put on pause.

You’re… here.

With slow, calculated steps, [Name] drew closer to the one thing separating her from the person haunting the illusions of her everyday life. From the first light of dawn to the noontime haze, phantasms of the eventide, all the way to the fragments of the dead of night.

Her hand, unsullied by the hardships of life, reached for the screen that was opened halfway. This was her chance. Finally, after spinning in the never-ending vortex of asking the universe where he could be—he… he was finally here.

For a moment, [Name] felt the pieces of her hope waver, the threads keeping them together snapping one by one, allowing the vines that flowered doubt to bloom in their midst. Her hand suddenly weighed more than what she could bear, and in the place of her ardor, fear had triumphed. It’s been more than a week, what makes you so sure that he will be waiting for you behind this door? He’s avoiding you—

“Oh! Are you here to train, too?”

[Name] was just about ready to jump straight out of her own skin, startled beyond her wits as her eyes darted in every single direction to try and look for a face to attach to the voice. Her blood was pumping far too fast for her mind to reach, tunneling her vision to a single point. When she turned, nearly tripping over her clothing, she was met with the eager irises belonging to a young boy not older than the age of twelve.

“Hoshina-sensei—err,” the boy faltered, and the Uehara—even through the fuzziness in her ears—could have sworn she heard him mumble: ‘That’s weird, I’m a Hoshina too’.

Nonetheless, the child held a cheerful character, and when he spoke… it was as though the person he praised rivaled even the majesty of the gods above. “Soushiro-sensei is the greatest swordsman the whole clan has ever seen!”

So… you are here.

[Name] could only stare as the child talked animatedly about his teacher, trying his best to imitate the movements he saw the older Hoshina perform. “And he would go like bam and wham then whoosh! Sometimes, he would go zoom and before you know it, Sensei’s got you at the end of his weapon!”

The boy kicked and punched the air, swinging his arm in a fluid motion that remained as a mere shadow of its actual glory. [Name] paid no mind to it, after all, she was being told of its tale by a child when the doer of the action had many suns and moons ahead of him to burn those routines in his muscles. The woman spared a fleeting glance at the space that holds the wielder of those achievements before she followed the child who now stood in the center of the open grounds.

Warmth blossomed in her chest, as she found herself smiling fondly at the boy.

“But you know, lately he’s been acting weird!” He paced around the space he occupied for himself, startling the sand underneath his feet.

“Really? Why’s that strange?” she asked, reaching to smooth out the hair that managed to stick upwards because of his frantic movements.

The boy shook his head, as though the mere thought of his teacher’s strange behavior was a phenomenon even the most accomplished experts would not be able to elaborate. “I—I don’t really know his how to say it—”

How could a child speak of the way his teacher lags in his steps, like he was deliberately slowing down to wait for someone? The glances he’d spare to every open panel when he was the one who drilled into their heads the importance of never looking away from an enemy. His stutters in movement when soft strides would echo down the halls—or a distant echo of a woman’s laughter in the distance.

The younger Hoshina cut his sentence short and turned his gaze to the entrance of the dojo. And in his head, a lightbulb flickered to life.

“C’mon, I’ll show you.”

As he was about to grab the older woman’s wrist, he hesitated, glancing up to shyly meet her gentle stare, as though he was silently asking if it was alright for him to hold her so forwardly. Listen to me, Shin, we have a guest here. If you meet her, don’t go dragging her around without asking if it’s okay with her, do you hear me? I’ll know if you do that and you’re gonna get ten laps around the estate as punishment.

“Uhm… o-only if it’s cool with you.” Shin scratched his nape in an effort to hide his embarrassment, feeling his face burn a thousand degrees. His teacher’s words echoing in the valleys of his mind. He will know… he always does.

[Name] smiled at his shift in attitude, finding it oddly familiar—as though she’d seen someone dear to her act the same way.

“Of course, lead the way.” She gestured to the space before her only to feel something pull at the tips of her fingers. The force compelled her to put a foot forward, until the two of them stood with their heads peeking over one another, acting like creeps peeping into the public bath—or in this case, a dojo.

“Watch.” [Name] craned her head to behold the sight that left the child in puzzlement.

But all she saw was the face of the man she had longed to see for so long that it drove her to the brink of wanting to commit a crime (stalking). What would she even say if Soushiro was to catch her spying on him like this? She wanted to run. This was a bad idea. Stalking Blade Instructors wasn’t the reason she was brought to stay in this estate!

“I’m not really sure what I should be seeing…” she whispered, holding the shoji frame tighter as she silently planned her escape.

Soushiro’s steps were accounted for, every twist of his body, the parry his weapon would make—they made it so that the tides of the spar would favor him. When he raised his arm to land a strike at his opponent, the boy’s earlier imitation dimmed in comparison to witnessing the beholder’s execution. His action was fluid, firm, not a breath out of place—even as his hit was countered. Watching him felt like seeing the stars flicker to life one by one: the movement of his feet as he shifted his weight, the bends his wrists would perform when he gripped the blade at a different angle, pivots his heel would do when he dipped to catch his opponent off-guard and strike from below.

The Soushiro in the gardens dyed in golden sunrays had vanished. Here, in his place, was someone who looked like the welkin littered with a thousand lights.

[Name] was enamored all over again, fingers easing in on their deathly grip on the frame, taking with them her plans of fleeing.

But as soon as she faltered, Soushiro was on the floor with the weapon of his previously overwhelmed opponent pointing directly at his throat.

“See?” the voice below her pressed, dragging her back from her trance. [Name] averted her stare to look at the pensive expression decorating the face of her companion. Unsure of what to make of it all.

The Uehara Clan is indeed renowned for its skill with a blade… a hundred years ago. Only a select few still practice the art now, opting for the more practical approach of firearms and heavy artillery. [Name] wielded a blade, but she was never taught the depth of it—deemed unfit a knowledge for a lady.

So, when Shin expressed his troubles—even when he tried so hard to make it easier for her to understand, [Name] could simply not grasp what creature morphed from the nature of the instructor. And it crushed her heart to know she could not help him.

Perhaps it’s because Shin drank in everything his teacher did with the wishes to someday be like him, to follow his lead.

Or maybe, [Name] simply did not know where to look. Choosing to hide behind her ignorance instead of staring at the truth head-on. That she didn’t know what to see because she never witnessed what had changed.

“Something is bothering him, for sure! Seita sucks so bad that it’s actually kinda sad but he’s beating Soushiro-sensei even if it’s just barely because he sucks—”

“I can hear you, Shin.”

Seita, or so Shin had called, offered a hand to an exhausted Soushiro and hoisted him to his feet. He was the same trainee who was at the receiving end of Shin’s grievances—claiming he ‘sucks’ but still managed to outpower Soushiro even if it was by a hair’s breadth.

“Stop hiding behind the door.”

To [Name], everything felt like it was beginning to be coated in frost—like the world, or rather [Name], was trying to get everything to freeze. The Uehara had no words saved for this moment.

What was she supposed to say?

When Shin slides the door open, she’ll be unveiled right then and there with him. Soushiro will see her, and he’ll wonder what in the world is she doing here, standing next to his student like a weirdo. [Name] couldn’t even begin to formulate a single coherent thing to say to him! What a joke. Uehara [Name], famed within her clan to have the sharpest tongue, the princess who always had something to say, the one who feared no judgement… had been rendered speechless.

The sole slate of thought that formed in her head was that [Name], under absolutely no condition, let Hoshina Soushiro know that she was looking for him all week long.

Everything was thawing, and fast.

She had to play it cool, as though she wasn’t gazing out her window every chance she got to see if he would pass by. Or that violet began to be her favorite color seeing as she looked for it everywhere she went. And certainly not the secret desire she held in her heart—bracing herself at every corner she turned because she was hoping that he’d bump into her.

If she had to play as the coy woman, then so be it. This will not be a battle won by Soushiro—not when she had spent the past days drowning in the sea of missing him!

The shoji screen collided with the jamb, causing a loud thud to resonate in the room. In that instance, [Name] had already built the walls that would hide her lovesick soul.

A chorus of what sounded like bare feet meeting wood joined by the ruffling of clothes filled the void left by their intrusion. The students who were once seated had now stood at a certain pose: feet separated at a standard distance, hands held behind their back, eyes gazing forward. Even Shin, the boy she met in the hallway, had joined the line of his fellow trainees, standing next to Seita whom he had berated for his lack of skill.

Now’s not the time to gawk at all these Soushiro-looking youngsters, [Name]! He’s right there!

[Name] was left there to stand like a fool once more. She stood out like a sore thumb. In the sea of narrow eyes and thin eyebrows, she really felt like an outsider with her wide eyes and overwrought demeanor. It did not miss her stare that a few of those supposed ‘eyes ahead’ drifted in her direction.

How am I gonna go about this? She internally screamed, why do you have to open the door all the way, Shin?

“Oho~ I thought that the great Soushiro-sensei was nifty with a blade?”

What the hell was that? You idiot! [Name] wanted to run. She wanted to disappear. She was embarrassed beyond all rhyme and reason—even if her tone betrayed none of her internal turmoil.

Her voice sounded like it went on forever, waltzing in between the skies of these swordsmen until it finally found its way and sunk into the horizons of his heart.

Soushiro’s breath staggered at the melody of her presence, his heart thudding desperately against his ribcage… like it always had been for the past week.

His head, his soul, his everything—he was so full of her that he could hardly have time to be himself.

In the break of dawn, his first ray of hope is to see her again, like he didn’t just spend the duration of the sun basking in her grace. The shimmer of the afternoon heat would beckon his mind to conjure her image, causing his body to break free from the shackles of his routine. Using wooden swords didn’t make the impact hurt any less. When dusk would settle, her shadows loomed everywhere. Even the midnight sun shed its curtain of clouds to gaze at him through his window.

His foot swiveled in a manner that should have been no less than second nature, for he had done it on so many occasions: in training, times when he would go back halfway because he forgot something, or those pride-shattering, heart-wrenching moments when he would turn so fast all because he heard a voice speak—a voice he could have sworn belonged to the person standing at the threshold of the dojo.

The image of her here, right where he is, was something not even his most fervent dreams could ever begin to replicate.

But he couldn’t let her know that.

So, he smiled. Bridging the distance that held them from one another like a leash. Then he spoke, his usual tease present, yet brought alongside it was a whiff of relief—like he had been waiting for this day to dawn on him.

“What? Like you didn’t magnify me the other week; sayin’ I was an assassin for the Sovereign Ruler of the Darkside?”

The Uehara blushed a thousand shades of red at the reminder of her nerdiness. It’s not that she was ashamed of what she loved—but when he said it like that, like there was no other person better fit for the description other than him, it sent this hurricane of colors in her head.

“I just didn’t want to hold the rumors above you, that’s all.” She tried to cover, crossing her arms over her chest. “I had to see for myself what you were truly capable of.”

If his students did hear their exchange of words, [Name] was internally grateful that they did not act like it. It would eat away at what was left of her dignity, and she would be left with no other choice than to move to a new country, change her identity, and live her life as an entirely different person from before. In theory, of course.

“Now you’re lookin’ down on my abilities? I’m hurt.” He pouted, taking one step closer to gibe at her from a nearer distance.

[Name] scoffed, waving her hand dismissively at the swordsman’s accusation. “Hardly,” she said, trying to ward off the fires that threatened to set her face ablaze.

“And please refrain from making that expression, it’s quite a disturbing sight to see.” With her arms still twined with each other, her eyes sifted through his face—it wasn’t disturbing in any way. Before she could delve into her world littered with stars, a voice rose like the moon.

“Soushiro-sensei, who is this?”

“This is Lady [Name].” He introduced, and Soushiro made no grand actions. There were no exaggerated hand gestures, no extremities such as having his students bow with their foreheads kissing the floor to revere her as though she was a member of the Imperial Family. He didn’t even turn to address the person who had spoken without permission.

He simply kept his gaze fixated on her—weary that the image of her would shatter should he look away.

And [Name] could only wonder if he had stopped there because of her request (that he calls her by her first name), or because there was nothing left to say.

But to Soushiro… she is [Name].

All the formalities—or any other name—only fell deaf on his ears.

[Name] was her… and she was [Name].

In the face of that… nothing else mattered.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” She politely bowed, raising her head a breath later, and continued, “Please do not hesitate to inform me if your instructor here is lacking in any way.”

Soushiro vividly remembers the sensation of staring at something incredulously bright—like the sun, for instance. Everything around him would bleed into darkness until it was only him and that big ball of gas in the sky.

In the place of that heavenly body in the sky was [Name], smiling haughtily at him. When all he could do was look at her, frozen. Like he was carving to memory the image that would last him a thousand seconds before it would crumble again, and he’d be left burning with the desire to see it again.

Soushiro was usually the one with the teasing remarks, the one to rile her into bursting into flames but here, in his own territory, he yielded defeat.

He could only smile and sigh, raising a hand of surrender hoping that it would halt the barrage of taunts [Name] had in store. “Don’t patronize me.”

[Name] laughed and Soushiro’s heart exploded like a star.

“Okay, I’ll stop.” She smiled, then she stole a glance at someone else. “Your student over there was worried that you’d lost your groove,” Soushiro followed the trails of her stare, “up your game a little, Soushiro-sensei~” finding that it led to one of the youngest present in the room, “or Shin-chan will sweep you right off your feet.”

If Soushiro could snarl at the kid, he would. But he was the adult and he had to be responsible. So, he chose to give him the message that Shin would be running those ten laps around the estate after all.

“Don’t worry, Shin… you’re gonna hafta run and train for many, many years to come before you can even think of holding a blade against me!” His cheery tone did not match the spirit of his message, leaving the recipient unsure of how to take it.

Shin felt far too terrified to meet his teacher’s gaze, so his eyes made a beeline to look at [Name] instead. As he did in the courtyard, his irises reflected the words he could not convey through his words, a voiceless cry for help. He’s gonna work me to the bone! Sensei is a hard worker because he’s gonna make everything harder for me!

How [Name] got all that, she wasn’t sure. How she was keeping her calm display, even more so! She was just about ready to combust right then and there. Her body felt like fire, flaring all around her. She feared she would set the place in flames.

“Don’t be so harsh on him, Sou—” Whatever was said after that, Soushiro no longer heard it. Even the fall of his name from her lips had come to a standstill. All he felt was the warmth blossoming on one side of his face, the pads of someone’s fingers brushing against the underside of his eye, grazing the curves of his ears.

“People are only that observant because they care. And you shouldn’t fault someone whose only intention was to make sure you’re alright.”

Her words were said in a faint whisper, so fleeting that he wouldn’t have caught them were she not standing so close to him.

Soushiro was plunged into freezing depths, like fire ceased to exist—or maybe it was [Name] retracting her hand and moving a few paces back. The same smile painted on her face, similar to the one she gifted him earlier, but this one was kinder by a mile. Soft. Warm. And he feared this one would only last him a hundred breaths before he would yearn to see it again.

“I’ll see you around, Soushiro-sensei.” [Name] raised a hand in farewell, her footfalls fading into a distant hum; shadows drawing down on him like a pen bleeding on paper.

Uncharacteristically, Soushiro let out a loud groan of annoyance before he padded to the doorway and slid the screen shut. Echoes of [Name]’s touch remained in his system, reaching his ears that were still shaded a hundred colors of red.

What are you doing to me?

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[loveemii]

If it's okay can I please ask for a part 2

hello! yeah ofc it’s ok! ^_^

ꨄ——————————✧——————————ꨄ

Teasing Kianna L parted her lips with his thumb as he gently tug on her bottom lip. He began to lick the inside of her lips before suffocating her into a deep and desirable kiss.

She was stunned and completely surprised when he licked her lips, but melted in list and desire when he kissed her. “L-“ Kianna spoke in a breathy whisper, “Yes?” He questioned as his eyes locked down on hers.

“I need you.”

———

L groaned as he rubbed his tip over Kianna’s clit. Her flushed face turned him on even more, he pushed his tip inside a few times before putting his whole length in. He had a good girth too, it made Kianna want nothing more than him. All of him. Exactly how he wanted all of her, every single bit of her.

“Kianna, don’t look at me that way. Like I’m going to murder you.” L spoke in a different tone that his usual nonchalant, he was breathing different; like he just killed someone.

He wanted to, he wanted to pound Light to death. But in this moment all L could think about was how gorgeous his soon to be girlfriend looked naked underneath him.

Her head resting on the bottom edge of the sofa, pushed up and down repeatedly whilst L fucked her at a good pace; going faster then slow all while she rubbed her clit and moaned pretty loud, L didn’t tell her to keep quiet. In fact he wanted Light to come and see what all the noise was; to L’s surprise he did.

The door handle clicked opened and Light walked through the door in shock. “Ryuzaki- what the hell is going on!?” Light somewhat shouted as he closed the door behind him quickly.

“Look, I’m fucking Kianna; she’ll scream my name instead of yours. Tell me, h-how do you feel about that Light?” L had a desirable and sinister grin plastered over his lips, Kianna didn’t care that Light was watching, she just wanted L.

“L- f-fuck~” Her flushed face as she shut her eyes tightly turned Light on, L saw the bulge in his pants and chuckled, “Like what you see? Watch this.” L said as he pounded his cock into Kianna harder and faster.

Kianna grabbed onto L’s arm as she moaned even louder while rubbing her clit faster. L pulled out and began to stroke his cock while he sucked and nibbled over Kianna’s clit. Light couldn’t help but blush, there was another knock on the door. L looked up at Light who was still watching in amaze.

“Go get the door.” L ordered, Light snapped out of his daze and did what L wanted. Light opened the door where the person could only see his face. “Dad?“ Light spoke, “What is going on in there!? I can hear moans and what not!” Soichiro Yagami scolded, Light looked over at L who began to thrust his penis into Kianna’s wet pussy again.

“L is just watching a porn, he wanted to learn about peoples minds when they see something of the sort.” Light lied, he was such a good liar.

“A porn!? At this hour!? Tell him to lower it down.” Soichiro scolded firmly, Light nodded his head as he shit the door and locked it.

“Wow Light, I wasn’t expecting you to lie like that. I actually wanted him to watch too.” L spoke breathlessly, Light wanted to stroke his cock so bad but stopped himself.

“You know if I ever saw you fucking her as good as this, I’d kill you. Because she, Kianna-is all”

L grunted as he was about to cum inside of her, Kianna was whining as she squirted all over L’s hard cock.

“mine.”

ꨄ——————————✧——————————ꨄ

i hoped you enjoyed this part 2!

- please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes, thank you

[grimalkinmessor]

Do you have any trans fem light headcanons?

I always have Light headcanons 👁️👁️

Usually I hc Light as bigender (she/her used generally as Kira-specific given that I think that's the only other spot in his life that he could acknowledge as a change in who he was SUPPOSED to be rather than who she really IS), because I do think Light actually does feel mentally aligned to his masculinity in a solid capacity, just not completely so, but! I can totally cook up something for trans fem Light :3

I actually have thought about this before—it's somewhere in my long ass wip ideas list—but the snag I always hit is Light even,,,,figuring out that she's trans :/ Because canon Light tends to just ignore when he feels bad in any sort of emotional or mental capacity, so dysphoria would probably ping "his" radar as something to go "Welp, time to ignore that! ᕕ(; ᐛ )ᕗ" about. So I see Light discovering it either young enough that she doesn't know that she should be denying it yet, or old enough that she could move towns and change her name with little fuss—never speaking to her family again, of course, but that's the price of being trans in early 2000s Japan with traditionalist parents :') Sayu might eventually go looking for her though. Sayu strikes me as someone open-minded.

BUT, these two options have different catalysts. If Light discovers it young enough for Sachiko to see it as "okay" to socially transition, then Sayu is the catalyst. Sayu has lots of pretty, traditionally feminine things, and she wants to play with her brother—which, of course, Light indulges. Sayu bullies Light into dressing up to play with her, she does makeovers with him, he does her hair and make-up and she does his (and while I usually hc Soichiro finding out and gently but firmly putting a stop to that, for this AU let's say he doesn't find out). Light, after enough times doing this with Sayu, probably notices the fact that he actually prefers Sayu's things to his own. He probably permanently borrows a hair pin or two, maybe even buys a few of his own when he runs errands for his mom. And Sachiko inevitably finds out about it, but again. Sachiko is just as much of a snake as Light in that she's cunning and able to switch faces quickly. So she probably has a long talk with Light about why he bought them and what's going on, and he confesses (after much manipulative prodding) that he doesn't "feel right", that he hasn't for a while, and he thinks it might be because he's a boy.

So Sachiko does what any good mom would do; she fixes it. Light would be young here, seven to ten I'm thinking, enough that it wouldn't be hard for Sachiko to buy Light some new clothes and start introducing her as a daughter. When Soichiro comes home, she sits him down after the kids are asleep and tells him what's going to happen. She does not ask for permission or his thoughts on it. She goes "Light is our daughter now and you'll treat her as such. We're moving cities in two weeks so she can have a new start in a new school. If anyone ever asks we've always had two daughters." Soichiro is bewildered of course, and instinctively affronted at the idea, but Sachiko steamrolls him. Queen Gaslighter, your honor, and her new Princess Gaslighter who learned from the best. They do as Sachiko bids, and Light is able to live her life unimpeded.

HOWEVER. If Light figures it out as an adult, then RYUK is the catalyst. Human Ryuk, of course, as I don't see grown-up Light with the Death Note having time to realize anything like that when he's busy manipulating the Task Force and his own father and the SPK and Misa and Mikami and—you get it. Anyway, Ryuk is the one who makes Light realize that she's a she instead of a he. And, being the terrible influence/cynical voice of (sarcasm) reason he is, Ryuk is the one who encourages Light to go whole hog with vanishing off the face of the Earth and changing her name instead of transitioning in secret or telling her family. But again, by this time it's too late for Light to socially transition and keep her family; everyone knows Chief Yagami and his brilliant son, their extended family knows Sachiko had a boy and a girl. They wouldn't be able to take Light in as a daughter, only disown her as a son. And Light knows this, Ryuk knows this, but Ryuk is the one that knocks Light out of her self-sacrificing "I shall simply swallow it down and deal with the lot I've been handed, continue living my life as a man even though it grows ever-chafing and suffocating :)" and into "Fuck that. I'll be doing whatever I fucking want, actually, because I'm better than literally every other conceivable human being and I should be able to revel in my own splendor as the person I want to see in the mirror." Encouraging Light's ego is double-edged sword here, obviously, but try getting Ryuk to give a fuck ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Light abandons her life as a Yagami and Ryuk helps her forge some papers so she can get a job in Fukushima as an accountant/architect/designer/whatever the hell she wants to do as Asahi Tsuki. (This is one of the few scenarios I ever picture Light changing her name in. Only ever out of necessity. Her name was never the problem, and she likes it—she keeps it if she can).

I don't see Light's personality changing all that much? Save for the fact that transitioning probably yanks down the veil of her politeness a little and she acts a little bit more herself. I.e. mean and sarcastic but in a way you only realize three hours after the fact. Light's learned to go after what she wants viciously in this case, and is probably a little more indulgent of herself as well. Unlike canon Light, trans fem Light has learned to ask herself "What do I want?". She probably lets herself have things that she didn't before, like sweets and beautiful clothes and shiny trinkets and expensive stationary—things she actually likes instead of things she's expected to have. After all, if Light's going to be "selfish" why not go all in? ;3

[genrebender]

Bored so here’s my maybe controversial-ish (??????) Death Note take:

I really fucking hate Soichiro, and while not directly he is at least partially to blame for Light becoming Kira. I will admit I do have some bias/cynicism against cops so that plays into this.

Like he’s already in law enforcement so his kids who would view him in a positive light would see him as a hero and criminals as villains even more so then is the cultural idea, but because he’s got such a strong sense of morality (especially his lyrics in the musical) he sees only black and white. He sees good people and bad people, right and wrong, instead of all the shades of gray humanity exists in. He passed this black and white morality onto his kids, and when Light was spiraling because he had killed someone and had to justify to himself that he was still a good person he had to see the death note as right; this is what leads Light to justify his actions - therefore his resolve to Kira being necessary and moral.

Also I just feel like he wouldn’t take Light being gay well. I cannot explain it properly but like, he thinks of Light as the perfect child and he puts all this pressure on him to be so and in a traditional/social expectations a gay kid wouldn’t be the “ideal child”. I will also admit to the fact that as a “gifted kid” with burnout and trauma related to being a people pleaser, the pressure and expectations put on Light feels extremely familiar and painful. And Light’s boredom at his life being too easy and lacking intellectual stimulation, as well as his excitement at having someone what his level that he got from his game with L, is something I relate to. I don’t condone or forgive his actions and acts as Kira but I understand how he got there and I don’t believe he’s solely to blame for what he became.