#and probably just add this personal fact about myself to your arsenal of things to use against your children?

[gabriellovescandy]

Sometimes you have a pleasant conversation with a relative, and maybe you start to think "huh, this isn't so bad, maybe I've been avoiding this person for no reason! They surely matured after all this time, how nice! I might have a normal family connection after all-" and at this point they hit you with a psychic blast strong enough to annichilate your will to live in the same country as them

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Oops, I made a plot…

Anyways. Epithet Erased

I love the idea that the Egg was created by someone with the Epithet of Consume. Now an interesting idea I had is that the owner of Consume originally had possession of the Arsene Amulet after Copycat died. The owner of Consume created the Egg and then started using the Amulet to feed Epithets to the Egg. In return, the Egg was able to use these Epithets and temporarily bestow their powers onto those who followed it, hence the whole bloodline wanting to protect it kinda thing. When the original owner of Consume started to reach the end of their lifespan they fed themselves to the Egg in hopes that it would eventually be fed something like Immortal or Rebirth and it could bring back its former master. This is why it’s an Egg, eventually it’s going to hatch into the original owner of Consume if it’s fed the right Epithet

The reason those following the Egg want the amulet is because they want to get back to work again. Everyone else is varying degrees of aware in terms of the Egg group’s plan. The Egg Group also has a process that new members of the Egg Cult go through where they offer up their Epithet to the Egg by being “Consumed” by it and held inside the Egg for a couple days. At which point the Egg leeches out their Epithet as an extra way to force its followers to be loyal. Sure you can still use your powers, and a ton of other Epithets as well, as long as you’re linked up with the Egg. But the moment you become disloyal and break off your Epithet is gone. It belongs to the Egg, you were only renting it.

Of course this takes a lot of time so it hasn’t happened to anyone in the DSMP by the time the actual plot starts except for Skeppy who’s the bartering chip that the Egg uses to make Bad be loyal to it. Bad doesn’t belong to the bloodline that’s been taking care of the Egg, he’s just a victim of circumstance. Techno is part of the family, but he’s a member of an offshoot branch that distanced itself from the Egg. He’s Billiam’s great (however many greats) nephew, but that isn’t a strong enough link, he’s the actual great (however many greats) grandson of the Sheriff which is why the Egg has less of a hold over him than it would a typical member of the bloodline.

Mundies are actually the best people for the job when it comes to fighting the Egg since its mind control powers only work on those who have an Epithet or offered up their Epithet to the Egg. Those who lost their Epithet specifically to the amulet against their wills are also immune. The Egg has the same powers seen in canon because one of the first Epithets it ever ate was Control.

There is a trade off to the Egg taking powers however, since the Epithets can’t “mature” while inside the Egg. Meaning they stay at the same proficiency level their former owner possessed making it advantageous for the Egg to allow Epithets to “mature”. The Egg might even offer an Epithet to a Mundie to let them mature it before harvesting it at a later date. It’s worth noting also there is a difference between getting trapped on top of the Egg and getting trapped inside the Egg like Skeppy, only the latter will get your Epithet snatched while Tubbo and Ranboo who are victims of the former just get their heads scrambled.

Team Pro Omelet eventually learns of the Egg’s abilities and plans and at that point it’s a race against the clock to ensure they 1. Don’t get the Amulet and 2. Aren’t able to shove anyone powerful inside the egg (cough cough Tubbo/Ranboo cough cough). While we could have Tubbo angst with his powers getting yoinked, I don’t think it would mean as much as the angst that would come from him just being normally controlled by the Egg and having his Epithet taken against his will would partially break him out of its control. He might not actually care as much about his Epithet, but him hurting Tommy by accident while being controlled? That would break him, mentally and emotionally.

While I was thinking about the plot, I mentioned with my last post I think that Tommy’s Epithet should have been taken or lost. We’ve had a connection made between Tommy loosing his power to Ranboo causing him to forget which I really like, but what if, and hear me out, he loses it to the Amulet? The last caretaker yoinks it with the intention of giving it to the get, probably at some point a good ways before the plot starts. However, because the former caretaker loses the Amulet before depositing it, Tommy’s Epithet stays pretty much trapped inside the Amulet. Partially because I really like the idea of Antihero Dream having to 180 why he wants to Amulet when Tommy eventually admits what happened. It adds a nice dynamic of character wants.

Originally I purposed Hero as Tommy’s Epithet which is good, but I think I can outdo myself. Meaning I have two other options.

Earlier I mentioned the Egg really really wanting someone with Immortal/Rebirth. Well, it’s a running gag that I keep making Tommy a phoenix in every AU I touch because he never damn well dies. So you could give one of those two words, or heck, even the word Phoenix itself to Tommy and it’d not only be a really good Epithet but it’d be an Epithet currently inside the Amulet, giving even more of a dire air to the story as a whole. If the Egg Squad is able to get that Epithet inside of the Egg, you bet it’s gonna hatch and the results will not be pretty. It also plays well with the fact that Tommy just never seems to die. Even when he doesn’t have his Epithet it’s such an engrained character detail that people comment on it whenever he joins an SMP.

I think it could be an interesting dynamic and it gives Tommy an array of interesting powers from wings to fire to being able to bring himself back to life. Additionally, we can give Immortal or Rebirth to Foolish since he’s a sentient Totem of Undying in canon and it would work well.

Alternatively, and this is admittedly the idea I personally favor, we pull a parallel between Tommy and Tubbo by giving him a seemingly stupid Epithet that’s deceptively strong. And trust me, I spent a lot of time thinking about what this Epithet might be and how it could be misinterpreted. The idea I ultimately settled on was Archetype. Now, this idea is near and dear to my heart because it fits Tommy as much as everything I’ve posted prior and arguably even more so than Hero. Tommy throughout the entire canon DSMP has had role after role forced on him. Being called the Hero or the Villain when really he just wants to be Tommy. I like the poetic irony of his Epithet literally being Archetype when everyone around him seems so desperate to assign him one. Plus, it’s one of those things that requires not just creativity but a certain level of classical or psychological background information to use properly, leading most people to being unable to use it (Egg included if it actually managed to get the Amulet.) So people just kind of brush it off and it lends itself well to the whole do you wanna be a hero thing since Hero is an Archetype.

For this power we’d basically be able to pull some really strong parallels between Tommy and Tubbo. Both have Epithets that are strongest when they temporarily become a different Epithet. Maybe Tommy can not only use Archetype, but he can temporarily transform it into literally any societally recognized Archetype and use that as if it was his Epithet. So he could still technically use the same powers one could come up with for Hero, it would just be while he’s using an Archetype Swap ability. Not only that but he’d be able to change other people’s personalities or Archetypes. He could even imbue others with traits of a new Archetype (i.e. giving a Mundie the powers associated with a Hero Archetype, aka literal actual honest to god plot armor) to act as support, but you wouldn’t think to do that typically. You’d just assume that Archetype is a one trick kind of pony at best. But maybe if we wanna go Tommy and Tubbo childhood friends route as kids they specifically spent hours practicing alone when they figured out their Epithets. Specifically coming up with overpower combo moves, thinking up powers that interacted well with one another to make themselves an actually terrifying menace to society.

Tommy and Tubbo childhood friends also is near and dear to my heart because everyone remembers the scene where Tommy told Tubbo that he’d been the hero and Tommy was the one who was the side kick. Having Tommy’s Epithet be Archetype and the majority of his childhood used to find ways to support Tubbo’s Epithet using his own adds another layer to this. Tommy literally made Tubbo the hero, gave him the powers and assigned him the Archetype. It’s just that they’re the only ones who know that. Plus plus we get a really good queen and knight dynamic between the two when they’re going all out which I just die for.

Also if SBI is canon, it makes sense why Tommy would have learned the word Archetype as a child, he’s related to Techno, what else would you expect? Part of Tommy being stupidly good at his power is probably from Techno reading him mythology as a child and linking up characters to their Archetypes, giving Tommy even more stupidly overpowered ideas for how to use his Epithet. Unfortunately it got yoinked at some point, either because someone saw how powerful it was or maybe Tommy just got unlucky. I think out of the ideas I’ve listed Archetype is my favorite if we go the yoinked route. It also works well with Techno and Dream since, again, Tommy could play a support role to make these already terrifying Mundies even more terrifying. Plus it would be like Tommy to keep having an Epithet secret because Techno is a Mundie and then later accidentally getting it stolen or we can go double angst and have Tommy both forget he has an Epithet and get it stolen.

Obviously Archetype being the Epithet and the plot would still work with Tommy just forgetting what his Epithet was, but also I really personally just like the aching pain of Tommy being forced to describe what it’s like having your Epithet stolen. How much the gap doesn’t hurt physically but emotionally and mentally almost daily, a phantom pain that never goes away. Sweet angst my beloved.

----------------------------

Tubbo🤝Tommy

Having stupidly overpowered Epithets

Anyways. Holy shit. This is brilliant. The plot is brilliant and oh god. This could open up so much now. The Arsene Amulet is still relevant in a way.

Oh man, the Egg just consuming Epithets as well? Man. That’s great.

[prompt-master]

The student slams their hands down on her podium.

"I'm telling you, they didn't eat that fucking grilled cheese willingly!" She shouts. "Prom hates mayonnaise!! I know that for a fact!!"

A collective groan sounds through the trial room. This discussion has gone on for far too long. People are starting to get tired. Suspicious even. The student won't let it go, and though there's no way to really prove them wrong, everyone just wants her to shut up about it. You can't just ask a dead body about their condiment preferences. The whole conversation seems completely pointless.

Even Monokuma looks bored. You can't help but relate to him a little, ignoring how much that thought disgusts you. The trial had been really, really uneventful. Accusations without evidence thrown about like confetti, trains of thought that end up shoved off the rails before they can even leave the station, leads that go nowhere, pointless arguments over the most trivial of topics, and throughout the whole nine hours of debate, that robotic bear grew more and more restless, even calling recesses for us to investigate more.

Even the detective is starting to get irritated. They didn't find anything condemning on the body, and even after interrogating the other students, nothing shocking or revealing came up.

You didn't find anything good either. In fact, you haven't spoken for most of the trial. There was just nothing to say that hadn't already been said.

The victim got up sometime before the nighttime announcement, after the group agreed to tuck in early. Monokuma, bored with how little progress we were making, confirmed the fact that the victim had planned to grab a snack before heading back to their room, before the doors to the dining hall were locked.

Obviously, they didn't make it.

One student kept saying the toxic grilled cheese had been force-fed to them. They kept saying the victim would never eat mayonnaise willingly, and since that was the main source of poison (It was also, like, everywhere. If the victim hated it, they wouldn't have put so much on), it made her statement kind of difficult to believe.

There was one thing that kind of supported her theory. The tainted jar in question had no label, nor did it have a prominent scent. It was only identified as mayonnaise by one of the other students who had a very well-developed sense of smell, and was able to get past the sweet maple-syrup scent of the antifreeze. It was possible the victim mistook the mayonnaise for something else, but even then, it would be unlikely. Mayonnaise has a very distinct taste, even with heaps of poison added, so if they really hated it they would have spat it out immediately. Only a tired idiot would keep eating something they despised of their own free will.

Monokuma let out a very dramatic sigh.

"You know, I'm getting reeeal tired of this. If you kiddies don't find anything interesting soon, I might just execute one of you as compensation." He growled in that annoying voice of his. "This trial is taking wayy too long!"

Those words got us on edge. Some of the others started accusing the student while she went on about her theory. One student yelled at Monokuma for being unfair. You and the detective shared a look. This wasn't good.

One student, who'd been quiet the whole time, suddenly cleared their throat.

"I may be going out on a limb here, but...." They waited for the others to calm down before continuing. "Do you think the victim ate the mayonnaise without knowing it was mayonnaise? Antifreeze has a very sweet taste and smell. They could have mistook it for something else."

"And you are..?" You ask.

"Ultimate Auto Racer." They reply. "I work with antifreeze. I don't know about arsenic, but I do know you can easily eat antifreeze without knowing it's toxic."

The detective crosses their arms in thought. Monokuma perks up and leans out of his slumped position, almost as if electrified.

"Even so, why would they put something sweet on a grilled cheese? That's kind of an acquired taste." You say. "If we're going off the assumption they don't like mayonnaise."

Everyone is thinking now. The accusations aren't thrown around anymore. The whole trial room is quiet.

"Maybe...maybe they're right." One student pipes up quietly. "Maybe Prom thought it was something else. Maybe they didn't taste it before they put it on the sandwich."

They looked around the room timidly, shrinking under everyone else's gaze. They obviously didn't like attention.

"I-I mean, what if they thought it was butter? L-Like the jar wasn't that big, and mayo k-kind of looks like butter spread...." The student shoved out quickly. "With no label they wouldn't know, right..?"

"That's.... actually a valid point." The detective says approvingly. The student offers a small smile in response, but doesn't say anything else. Speaking up must not be their strong suit.

"It was late, right?" Another student cuts in. "We were all tired. The last execution left us all drained, since it kind of.....went wrong near the end. The victim could have been super out of it and wanted food to keep the off their mind."

"Like stress eating, but to cope with something? I do that myself, so it's not unbelievable. The victim could be like that, for all we know." Yet another adds.

"What if it wasn't intended for Prom? Like, someone else here probably really likes mayo, maybe they messed with it in hopes of killing them instead!"

"You saying the victim was a tired idiot then?"

"Do you know them enough to say otherwise?"

"Gad, this whole trial is confusing... We don't even know the victim that well, how are supposed to their killer? There's no drama to work with!"

"Maybe they grabbed the mayo thinking it was butter." The detective mused. "And when they tasted it, it probably didn't taste too much like mayo, with all that antifreeze added to it. Maybe they were too tired to remake it. The victim was on a time limit after all."

You furrow your brow in thought. The others a kind of making sense, but it's not much to go off of. You still don't know who poisoned the mayonnaise in the first place.

"Let's say that did happen. We still don't know who poisoned it." A new speaker scoffs, practically reading your thoughts exactly. "All this talk won't get us anywhere if we don't have a real suspect."

The miniscule amount of energy in the room dissolved. They were right, everyone knew it, but it'd been nice to think we were going somewhere.

The quiet student from before clears their throat. Anyone who isn't talking or spouting theories turns to look at them again.

"If, um, it's any consolation, I just remembered something...."

The detective holds up a hand to shut up the person next to them. You do the same. Eventually the trial room calms down enough for the student to talk. Monokuma giggles.

They take a deep breath, like whatever's on their mind is really hard to say. "I....I did see someone mucking around in the storage closet."

A truly riveting murder trial and I hope after playing it people discourse about my character simply because they hated it and people argue over whether or not i was a good person and the answer to that question is a mysterious wink

[anxietycalling]

Ugh. Ugh. It's been a week since the Atomic Mom went off and, like, I still feel weird about it. I keep not doing anything about it thinking that that's progress because I used to be volatile and reactionary, but is it? Or my silence making me an accessory to her transphobia?

I thought cutting her out would make me feel better, and for a second it did, but I am anxious about it so I keep checking her page like that's going to give me some insight. Spoiler alert: it doesn't. And I just keep thinking about all the things she doesn't know about or doesn't want to know about - Husband, my name change - and it's a mess. It's a mess!

Part of me keeps thinking I should write her a letter, or something, but then I remember the way she absolutely refused to read anything I write despite admitting I had talent. She found something I wrote once, when I was 12, and I used curse words in it so she decided I was a terrible pornographic miscreant forever. I think I was 18 the first time I even wrote a sex thing.

And, like, what would I even put in a letter? "Here's a list of all the horrible things you said to me? Here's my updated birth certificate but also please take me out of your will?" Saying something feels like a nuclear option, but not saying something means she gets to live with her blindfold on pretending she's the greatest mom ever.

I know, I know, this is probably stuff for therapy, but it's too fucking expensive right now, and one of the cats needs a vet visit because she broke a tooth, and I think I am moderately spiraling because in the past I would ask her for help but I don't want to "use her" - her words, not mine.

I don't know. It's complicated because at one time she did give me literally thousands of dollars while I was ruining my life in California. She did bail me out when I needed it, even if she did think I was on meth. (Please note, I have never even done one drug. I am a recovered alcoholic, but that's it, I spent a year drinking my feelings and hated it.)

But also! Also, she tried to get the SPCA to break literal federal confidentiality law to punish me, tried to have me arrested for animal hoarding, all because the drug addict who lived in an apartment before us left her two pregnant cats behind. We tried our hardest to rehome those fucking kittens and keep them healthy with no one helping us. Like, the majority of my money from working went to cat care and she still thought we were just doing drugs all the time. I don't even know. I don't even know!

I am so not the drug sibling in this dynamic. My older brother sold drugs up until he moved out the second time, he sold them from our garage and she never even blinked. My older sister got busted with weed and a bong in the front seat of her car, even did jail time for it (which shouldn't have happened, but still!) and that was just fine. But I constantly try to be a better person and I'm just, like, evil or something?

I know I am never going to win her approval. She sees me as something less than human, okay, some kind of Frankenstein monster.

Some days I wake up and just wish I could hurt her as big as she hurt me. I think maybe that makes me a bad person. I don't know. Can you even hurt someone who doesn't have a heart?

It bothers me a lot that she's never once asked about Husband or my dating life or, like, anything. She wants the beautiful pictures from my sisters' weddings and all the trappings that go along with it, but my actual marriage is a sham to her because I didn't ask her fucking permission. And, like, hell yeah I ran away from her house to be with Husband, because he's awesome, but also because we both recognized if I didn't get out of there I would be dead by now.

Like, I was essentially a prisoner in my own home. I had to account for everything I did to her, constantly, and every dollar I spent, and every phone call and communication. It's exhausting. Who wouldn't take the opportunity to escape if they could? Who wouldn't take the opportunity NOT to be constantly surveilled?

We have never once talked about it, but I know she installed keyloggers on all my devices up until I moved out at 19 and cut her off the first time. I am still constantly terrified that I'm being monitored. I still have trouble even letting Husband use my phone or laptop just in case. He's very considerate and he knows how hard it is for me, but sometimes I wish I could just let him google something without feeling like I need to hover over him the whole time.

I wish I knew what to say. I want to write her a letter, something really scathing, but I know it's useless. She'll just use it to make herself the victim, like she always does, and just add it to her arsenal of why trans people are the enemy and only transition specifically to hurt her.

What is there to say?

Hey, you say and do really hurtful things whenever I try to open up to you? And every time I do you act like I'm personally attacking you with my happiness, so don't call me your kid anymore unless it's to call me your son who you love and support. Don't send me your pity money on holidays so we can sidestep the fact that my appearance in your family tree is an embarrassment. Just don't, okay? Don't act like our family is good and normal when you can't even acknowledge my existence, when you lie to all your friends about how I've been and who I fucking am. Don't act like you didn't try to squash all my interests constantly, or treat me like a deviant, or tell me my first tattoo made me look like I belonged in jail.

The tattoo thing makes me really mad, actually. When things were briefly good between us I had a really cute mother-son tattoo idea. I wanted her to get R2-D2 and I'd get BB-8, because we both love Star Wars and BB is the little baby droid. Maybe it's a good thing we never did it. I don't get why tattoos are this awful, ugly thing to her when she literally got her belly button pierced during her midlife crisis. Especially cause any time I got a new piercing she freaked the fuck out. I got my septum pierced at 16 and hid it from her for years. I was 22 when she found out and her reaction was exactly what I thought it would be. The piercing wasn't even out, it was just the shadow of the retainer in my nose, and she acted like I'd tattooed my entire face or something.

I am so angry that my mom never told her shitty friends I'm trans. It shouldn't be my job to out myself to her redneck friends. It shouldn't be my job to put myself in danger constantly to justify my existence in the hopes of eventually getting the crumbs of affection she's willing to throw my way when she feels guilty enough. It's supposed to be her job to protect me. It's supposed to be her job to protect me from feeling bad, and that extends to the dysphoria of being dead named when I am a literal man with tattoos and a beard and enough back hair to knit a sweater out of.

I just! I wish she'd come out just once and say "I am horrible and transphobic and don't think you should be allowed to exist and be happy, and I think your body is gross." Like, it wouldn't be so bad if she would actually admit what is going on here. It's been 15 years and she is not trying at all.

I wish I could figure out what the fuck to say. I want to just shove everything into an envelope and send it and be done with it. The ball can be in her court to decide what she wants to do.

The worst part about all of this is that I can almost see it from her perspective. Well. Her perspective if she were a human being and not an emotional vampire. She's never been able to look past herself and see situations as they actually are. And I feel bad for her sometimes, because her sisters have fulfilling lives and leave her to do the crappy stuff like caring for my grandparents. I feel bad that she's probably jealous of how close my aunts and uncles are with their kids. But she doesn't realize that that's her fault for being so rigid and unforgiving and stubborn. If she were willing to change, or admit fault at all, we'd be a lot closer.

My brother still cries about her and why she doesn't love him sometimes. He's still looking to fill that hole where parental love should be. He's repeating our parents' patterns because he's hurting, too, and until our mom learns to be a human person he's just gonna keep getting hurt.

Times like this make me really wish there were an easy solution. I've read so many books and articles on estrangement I could be an expert by now.

Is it bad that a very petty part of me just wants to post more pictures and tag her on Facebook to make all her friends have to see it? Is that something? I know I shouldn't actually do it lest she cause a huge shitstorm, but it would feel so personally satisfying for a minute before the regret and panic set in.

Maybe I will print out that thing she posted and just literally mail that to her along with whatever letter I end up eventually writing her.

[master-sass-blast]

Children of the Gods -Part One.

OOOOOOOOOOOOH BABY I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!!! THIS HAS BEEN MY LITTLE PET PROJECT FOR OVER A YEAR!!!!

Summary: There's a new force to be reckoned with on the horizon, a force that goes by the name of Allison Ricci. Having lost her family, she's out for blood and vengeance --specifically, Frank Castle's. And, having taken Karen Page hostage, it seems like she's liable to get it. By teaming up with Frank to save Karen, can you and your friends and family stop Allison's quest for revenge? ...Only one way to find out.

Rating: T for moderate violence, gun violence, and mention of death.

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader, Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson, and Frank Castle x Karen Page.

Set after Hunter and Hunted.

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @starman-canos-thorsus-jock

You eye the abandoned looking warehouse with grim determination. “You’re sure about this?”

“Dead sure,” Nathan says as he checks his gun over. “She’ll be here.”

Your Dad-in-every-way-but-biological and Wade had called in a request to have the X-Force help them with a mission earlier today: rescuing a kidnapped person, retrieving a potentially violent mutation for rehabilitation, nothing too out of the ordinary.

It wasn’t until you, Piotr, Ellie, Yukio, and Russell (the newest X-Men trainee cleared for field work) had gotten on the jet –Neena was hitching a ride with Wade—that Nathan had sent you the rest of the details: that the kidnapped person was Karen Page, the potentially violent mutant was a “victim” of Frank’s punishing sprees, and that Frank was also present to rescue his girlfriend.

Because, you know, nothing’s ever easy.

“You’ve got five seconds to get moving, Summers, or I’m gonna blow this place open,” Frank growls, clad in black and his spray painted tack vest and looking angrier than you’ve ever seen him.

“Patience,” Nathan fires back. “We can’t rush this.”

“I’m gonna rush a few bullets up your ass if you don’t hurry the fuck up.”

“If it counts for anything,” Neena says, eyeing the warehouse uneasily, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this one.”

“Easy, Kenobi,” Wade says as he holsters his pistols. “Or would you be Han Solo?”

“I’ve always seen myself as a Leia.”

Wade nods. “Who wouldn’t want to be Carrie Fisher.”

“Wilson, shut your fucking trap or I will shut it for you—”

“Hey.” You step between Frank and Wade before Frank can slug your adoptive brother. “Give my dad two minutes. He’s probably just making sure we aren’t walking into any traps or massive amounts of back up. Karen’ll be fine. Hell, she’s probably already found a way to free herself.”

“Won’t be any back up,” Nathan says as he scans the warehouse. “The target’s name is Allison Ricci, daughter of Andrew Ricci. His recent death—”

“Courtesy of Captain S-and-M here,” Wade interjects, gesturing over at Frank.

“—means that she doesn’t have access to the money that hires extra muscle, considering Mr. Ricci’s accounts were frozen upon his death for criminal investigation.”

“Then what the fuck are we waiting for?” Frank hisses.

“Is there even point in my saying ‘language?’” Piotr asks in a resigned, albeit pointed, tone.

“Probably fucking not,” Ellie says while she taps at her phone.

You bite back a laugh while Piotr merely shoots his mentee a look.

“We’re waiting,” Nathan interjects, regaining control over the conversation, “for me to locate where Allison and Karen are. The less time we waste on this, the better.”

“We’re already wasting time, Summers,” Frank snarls, stomping away from the group. “Fuck it, I’m going in by myself—”

“They’re in a storage room on the West side,” Nathan pipes up. “There’s a bay door there used for unloads. We’ll use that one.”

You quickly follow after Frank as he books it over to the West side of the warehouse, flying low over the ground to keep up with him. “Try to not rush into this. Dad didn’t say anything about Allison’s mutation, which means we don’t know what we’re up against.”

“Don’t tell me what to fucking do.” Frank tries a regular door next to the massive bay door on the West side of the warehouse, then rears back to kick it open when it winds up being locked.

“Holy fuck!” You dive between Frank and the door before he can hurt himself. “Dude! Chill the fuck out for, like, two seconds.” You focus your powers on the doorknob, and within five seconds the lock clicks and the door swings open.

Frank brushes past you brusquely, gun sights aimed on the empty hallway. He scans the space, then advances down the hall when he deems it safe.

You cast a glance over your shoulder to make sure that everyone else is following along, then head in after Frank.

Two steps past the door and you can hear Karen talking to someone else –someone with a higher pitched, noticeably feminine voice.

“That’s gotta be Allison,” you whisper to Frank, who nods back before closing in on the loading bay.

You fly after him –so as not to make added noise—and brace yourself for any number of possible threats: guns, grenades, an arsenal of pointy objects…

But what you see in the loading bay is nothing like what you expected.

Karen is there, yes, sitting on a folding chair and looking pretty good, all things considered. However, the only other person in the dusty concrete and metal room is a young girl with a severe, thin face, dark eyes with darker undereye bags, and dark brown curly hair. The girl –presumably Allison, if Nate’s intel is anything to go by—has a pistol in her hand, aimed at Karen’s head. She looks like she hasn’t slept in a few days, possibly longer.

You blink, stunned. She can’t be older than thirteen.

Frank seems to be taken aback by the sight of the girl as well. He freezes in the shadows for a moment, then lowers his gun a tick before stepping into the light. “Karen.”

The girl’s eyes widen when she sees Frank, and her face contorts with rage as he walks towards them. “You! You fucking bastard—” She presses the muzzle of her gun against Karen’s temple, which makes Karen grimace. “Don’t come one step closer, or I’ll paint the floor with her brains.”

“Easy, kid,” Frank says, much calmer than he would normally address anyone threatening to hurt Karen, which you suspect has everything to do with the fact that he’s facing down an actual kid. “No one has to get hurt.”

“People are already hurt, shithead!” the girl fires back, teeth clenched. “One more won’t make any fucking difference.”

“Hey, hey.” You quickly step between Frank and the girl, hands outstretched. “Let’s just take a deep breath, okay? You must be Allison, right?”

“Who the fuck are you? Are you with him? Stay the fuck away from me, or I’ll—”

“I’m not with him,” you interject quickly, doing your best to be soothing. “My name is Y/N, and I’m with the X-Men. I’m here to help you. Are you Allison? I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“No, you haven’t,” Allison fires back, face screwed up in a defiant sneer. “And the only way you can help me is by killing him.”

“No can do, babyface.” Wade skips into the room, borderline irreverent. “The Mutant Boyscouts are pretty big on the whole ‘no killing’ thing. Also, you’re so tiny! You’re practically a fetus! Nate, you didn’t mention we were picking up a literal infant, you inconsiderate dickhole. I would’ve brought the baby clothes from the last time I got my legs ripped off!”

“Sorry, sweetheart, I’ll make sure to mention it next time,” Nathan says, eyes focused on Allison. “Put the gun down, Allison. Enough people have been hurt already.”

“The only person hurt here has been me!” Allison shrieks, erratically aiming her gun at Karen’s head, Nate, Frank, you, then back to Karen. “Stay back! I’ll fucking do it!”

Russell steps forward, looking decidedly nervous but simultaneously determined. “Look, I know you’re hurt. I know you’re scared. I’ve been where you are; I’ve wanted the same kind of vengeance. So take it from someone who knows, it doesn’t help anything. Only innocent people wind up getting hurt instead.”

“You don’t know jack shit,” Allison hisses, eyes narrowed into slits.

“Put the gun down, Allison,” Russell persists, hands shaking but shoulders squared. “The X-Men are good people. They helped me, and they can help you. It doesn’t have to end like this.”

“Oh, this isn’t about ‘have to,’” Allison spits out, voice hoarse and gravelly. “This is about going to. And ‘this’ is going to end with her brains all over this fucking floor!”

“Hey, hey, hey!” Frank shouts, drawing Allison’s attention to him. “I’m the one you’re mad at, okay. Me! Not her. You’re angry at me, and I understand that, but you don’t have to take it out on her.” He nods at Karen. “She didn’t have anything to do this.”

“Did my mom have anything to do with your murder spree? Huh? Did my brothers have anything to do with it? No, no. I wake up, and I find my mom’s and my dad’s and my brother’s brains and blood everywhere, and I find their faces and bodies obliterated by your fucking bullets, and I see your skull fucking spraypainted on the dining room wall, and… no. No! You have to understand, Castle! You have to understand what it’s like to lose everything you ever loved!”

“Isn’t his whole backstory technically about understanding just that?” Wade mutters.

“Shut up!” Allison screams. “All of you!” She cocks the gun, then presses the muzzle against Karen’s temple, holding the other side of the woman’s head to keep her from flinching away. “This conversation is done!”

Karen closes her eyes, lips pursed and brow furrowed but otherwise remarkably calm.

“Hey!” Frank shouts, holding his hand out. “Put that gun down!”

“Yeah, for fuck’s sake, you’re gonna shoot your own hand off if you do it like that!” Wade adds.

The look Frank shoots your brother is nothing short of murderous.

“What? I’m not wrong.”

Fortunately, before Allison can kill Karen or Frank can –temporarily—kill Wade, the loading bay door rolls open, heaved up by none other than your husband.

The ruckus distracts Allison, which gives Nathan the opportunity to yank the gun out of her hand and knock her away from Karen via telekinesis.

Karen practically dives away from Allison as soon as the gun’s away from her head, quickly darting away from her captor and towards Frank.

Frank quickly latches onto Karen and shoves her behind him, effectively acting as a standing shield between her and everyone else. “You okay?”

Karen nods, gaze still fixed on Allison—

Who looks like someone kicked her puppy and stole her ice cream. If the context were different, the expression of frustration on the teen’s face would be adorable.

“God, she’s like some type of… murder baby,” Wade stage whispers. “Cute, yet deadly. Like an ocelot.”

“That is enough of violence and aggression,” your husband says as Yukio and Ellie step out from behind him. “Please. Come with us quietly, and we can help you—”

“I don’t want your fucking help!” Allison snarls as she scrambles her feet, quickly backing away from everyone. “You’re helping him!” She points an accusatory finger at Frank. “He fucking murdered my family!”

Piotr grimaces before quickly regaining his composure. “I assure you, that is not case.” He takes a step towards Allison, hands held up reassuringly. “If you would just come with us—”

Allison bares her teeth in a vicious snarl –and then her eyes start glowing blue. “Stay the fuck away from me!”

“Uh, what do you do when the baby starts glowing?” Wade asks, head whipping between you and Allison.

Before you can answer –or react to Allison’s sudden light display—the thirteen year-old unleashes a blast of energy from her hands, whipping it like a softball straight at your husband’s chest.

Piotr rockets through the bay door with a guttural yell, ripping the sheet of metal off its tracks with a horrific, deafening screech. He bounces across the concrete parking lot, groaning and grunting as he goes.

“Holy shit!” Russell shrieks.

“Uh, Houston?” Wade babbles nervously, drawing his katanas while Allison’s eyes start letting off wisps of blue smoke. “I think we have an angry baby Kryptonian on our hands –shit!”

You duck as Allison shoots a bolt of energy from her eyes, taking a chunk out of the concrete wall behind all of you. “Fuck! Allison, calm down; let us—”

Allison shrieks, then whips another blast of energy at all of you before aiming a beam of energy from her eyes at Karen.

You wind up with Frank and Karen as you all try to stay away from the scorching stream of energy. Concrete chunks fall off walls and rain down from the ceiling, and you shove Frank and Karen out of the way from a truck-sized piece before sending a gust of wind at Allison –only hard enough to knock her off balance. “Allison! Stop! That’s enough.”

Allison responds by gritting her teeth –then screaming before slamming her fists against the ground.

Blue light shoots along the floor and up the walls –and then the building starts to crumble.

“Let’s go!” Frank shouts, partially hunched over Karen to protect her. “This shithole’s coming down!”

You direct Russell, Ellie, and Yukio out the broken bay door –with some help for your husband, who’d gotten up in time to hold part of the collapsing wall up—then turn back to Allison. “Allison! Come on! We need to go!”

By way of response, Allison merely sends more pulses of energy into the ground, speeding up the collapse of the warehouse by ten. “I’m taking you fuckers with me!”

“Kid, we need to go!” Nate yanks on your arm, forcing you to follow him, Wade, Neena, Frank, and Karen out through the steadily collapsing bay door. “Come on!”

Piotr ducks away from the warehouse as the rest of you dart out, then quickly hunches over you and the teens, shielding you all from any flying chunks of rock or rebar.

The warehouse shakes, groans, then collapses with a gut-clenching crunching noises, spewing dust and shards of glass into the air.

You peer over your husband’s steel shoulder when the worst of the cacophony finally settles. “Shit.”

“Did she…” Russell looks up at you, eyes wide. “Could she… is it even…”

You grimace.

The color drains from Russell’s face, and he gulps. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Try to find some grass to upchuck in!” Wade shouts as Russell darts away from everyone. “It’s less likely to splatter against your face if you don’t puke on asphalt!”

“Shut up, dipshit,” Ellie grumbles as she brushes dust and dirt off her uniform. She stands, eyes the wreckage of the warehouse, then shoots a concerned look at her mentor. “Did she… really take herself out?”

Piotr sighs heavily. “Loss can do strange things to people. She was already heavily agitated when we reached her. There likely was nothing we could do.”

You wrap an arm around Ellie’s and Yukio’s shoulders, then glance over in Frank and Karen’s direction.

Surprisingly enough, Karen seems to be the one holding Frank up right now, even though she was the one that was abducted and had a gun held to her head.

But, then, perhaps it isn’t surprising at all. Wade’s told you chapter and verse about how Frank does not like hurting innocents. If he’d thought he was facing off with an adult –someone fully brought into the Ricci crime family—and found himself staring at a teenager instead…

A teenager that appears to have just committed suicide after losing her family to a Punisher spree…

Yeah. This whole situation is fucked.

Neena grimaces, gaze still fixed on the warehouse as she hands newly returned Russell a water bottle. “I don’t know. This doesn’t feel done just yet.”

“Seems done to me,” Frank murmurs hoarsely, looking somewhat shell-shocked.

“We should probably leave,” Wade says, slowly sheathing his katanas. “Don’t wanna be caught near a collapsed building with a dead kid’s body in it.”

Everyone slowly makes to leave, heading towards respective vehicles—

Except Nathan, who is fixated on an electronic readout mounted to his techno-organic arm. He’s frowning, flipping through various future records and completely oblivious to everyone else.

“Nate-y-kins,” Wade says in a sing-songy voice. “We’re leaving. Vamoosing. Gettin’ a move on, pardner. Come on, Gramps, it’s toaster strudel time.”

You brow furrows when Nathan doesn’t respond; he always responds to Wade, and you also know for a fact that Wade just busted out two nicknames that Nate isn’t particularly fond of in front of everyone else. “Dad? You okay?”

“Yeah…” he mutters, still distracted as he keeps flipping through electronic files. “Just… checking…”

“What’s the earliest onset age of dementia for robotic geezers?” Wade stage whispers to you, which gets a few giggles out of Yukio and Russell.

“Neena’s right,” Nate pipes up, silencing Yukio’s and Russell’s laughter. “Something’s wrong. There’s no death date for Allison in her records.”

“Maybe the Matrix is taking its sweet time to update,” Wade suggests, rolling his eyes. “She dropped a building on herself, Cabes. Only person who can come back from that is me.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Nathan mutters, redrawing his gun as he starts towards the warehouse. “We need to recover Allison’s body and confirm her death.”

Before he can so much as take another step, though, there’s a brief flash of light around Karen’s feet –and then Allison pops halfway out of the ground, grabs Karen’s legs, and starts yanking her under.

Karen lets out a startled shriek and flails desperately for the closest handhold. “Frank!”

Frank lets out a desperate howl of Karen’s name, diving for her and catching her. He hooks his arms under her armpits and hugs her close, holding her up so everything above her hips is still above ground.

Allison snarls. “Let go!”

Frank catches a bolt of energy to the chest and goes sailing backwards with a grunt, knocking into you and Wade and taking the two of you down to the asphalt with him.

“Oh, god,” Wade groans. “This is not how I wanted to get Frank Castle on top of me. Dude! What did you eat for breakfast? Despair and cement?”

Nathan’s the next closest, since he’s the only one that can fend off Allison’s blasts of energy with his telekinesis. He manages to grab Karen’s arm before her shoulders disappear underground. He clasps something around her wrist, says something in her ear—

And then he releases his grip, and both Karen and Allison disappear underground.

The scream that Frank lets out is heart wrenching, somewhere between a wounded animal and the sound of grief incarnate.

“Why did you let her go?” he seethes, advancing on Nathan in a storm of rage. “I’m gonna fucking rip your limbs off, Summers; I’m gonna—”

“We weren’t going to get her out of the transportation spell without ripping her limbs apart,” Nathan spits out, quickly backing away from Frank while raising a telekinetic shield. “I put a tracking device on her wrist so we can follow her wherever Allison takes her.”

Frank’s hand shakes as he points at Nathan. “If –if anything happens to her… I swear to God, if anything happens to Karen—”

“They’re at Spring Heights Memorial Park,” Nate says once the display on his techno-organic arm pings. “And Karen’s still alive.”

“What direction?” you ask, extending a hand to Frank. “I’ll fly the two of us there. The rest of you can catch up.”

“Northeast, ten miles.”

You nod, then loop your arm around Frank’s waist. The two of you get a running start, then take off into the night sky.

You just hope you make it there in time.

***

 The Spring Heights Memorial Park is dark, completely abandoned, by the time you and Frank reach it –but you can hear Karen arguing with Allison as soon as you land at the cemetery’s entrance.

Frank bolts towards the sound of Karen’s voice, weaving through the rows of headstones and plaques with the ease of someone who makes running around in the dark a regular habit.

(You, a person who does not make running around in the dark a regular habit, opt to fly to avoid tripping and faceplanting onto one of the headstones.)

“I understand that you’re hurting, but that doesn’t give you the right to hurt others—”

“You’re dating the fucking Punisher! All he does is hurt people because he got hurt!”

You follow Frank around another tree, then practically run right over Karen and Allison.

(Well, Frank does. You don’t because… you’re flying… yeah.)

Karen has Allison’s gun –she must have wrestled it off of her at some point—and is aiming it at the ground, gaze locked on Allison. Allison looks like she fell and hadn’t thought to get back up yet, and looks somewhat startled by the entire situation.

“Easy, easy,” Frank says when Allison’s face screws up at the sight of him. “You stay right where I can see you.”

“Or what?” Allison challenges, sneering. “You’re gonna shoot me? You’re gonna fucking shoot a thirteen year-old girl?” She scoffs when Frank’s face twitches. “Yeah, didn’t think so. Fucking coward.”

“Here.” You pick up Karen and hover above the ground, well out of Allison’s reach. “That’s that handled.”

There’s the sound of the jet thrumming overhead, then a gentle thump as it lands at the entrance of the cemetery.

“Myshka?”

“Over here, honey,” you reply, projecting your voice so they can hear you.

“To the left!” Wade announces. “Bibbity-bobbity –ah fuck! My fucking shin! Owie! Fucking headstone, getting in my fucking way –ah shit! Branch to the eye! Oh, God, that smarts.”

“Here.” Neena’s voice echoes through the Memorial Park. “I brought a flashlight.”

“Oh, that was lucky of y… dammit! Fucking lazy writing!”

“Get a fucking move on, Wilson!” Frank shouts.

“Suck my cock!”

Allison’s lip curls derisively. “You work with that nutjob?”

“He’s sharper than he looks,” you bite out, somewhat offended on Wade’s behalf.

Nate reaches your little group first, gun already aimed and ready. He stops a few feet away from Allison, eyes locked on her. “Piotr’s outside. He wasn’t sure he wouldn’t break the headstones.”

You can’t help but smile, just a little. That’s my baby.

“Enough’s enough, Allison,” he continues, slowly inching towards the young teen while Wade, Neena, and the trainees catch up. “You’re outnumbered and outgunned. Stand down.”

“Fuck you,” Allison growls before flinging her hands towards the ground.

And then the dead start crawling out of their graves.

“Jesus fucking yellow penguins!” Wade shrieks, whipping out a pistol and shooting at the rotting corpses. “Castle! You were a zombie killing cop in another life. Do something!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Frank shouts back, bludgeoning one of the skeletal bodies off him with the butt of his shotgun before shooting it in the head. “Don’t answer that! I don’t want to know.”

“Just shoot them, Shane! Nathan! Why the fuck didn’t you tell me we were dealing with a class five Necromancer?”

“I didn’t know!” Nate shouts back.

“Unlikely! You’re so sleeping on the couch tonight, buster!”

Your head whips back and forth as you try to keep up with all the action –but there’s not much you can do while you’re holding on to Karen. “I need to pass you off for the moment. Piotr!”

Fortunately, your husband’s already close by, having been drawn over by the sound of gunfire. “What is going on –bozhe moi.”

“It’s a bootleg version of the rapture. Here.” You float over the fence and hand Karen to him. “Keep her off the ground. I’m going to get the trainees out.” You quickly lift Ellie, Yukio, and Russell out of the cemetery, then turn around and quickly analyze the fray.

The sheer amount of reanimated corpses is overwhelming –and, worse still, shooting them doesn’t seem to do anything other than slow them down.

They stop working when they’re too broken apart, you realize when Frank shatters a particularly ancient looking skeleton with an onslaught of gunfire –and that gives you an idea.

You stretch your arms outward, creating a shockwave of air that sends the unsteady skeletons flying across the cemetery, bashing into headstones and breaking apart until they’re just rattling bones on the ground.

You grin, triumphant –then grimace when you realize that, while you’ve stopped the undead army, you’ve also spread countless remains across the park. “Oops. That’ll be a lawsuit.”

“Not if we don’t get caught,” Wade points out.

Off to the side, Allison collapses to the ground, panting and covered in sweat. Her eyes revert back to their normal color, and she looks like she’s two seconds away from passing out.

“You about done throwing your tantrum now?” Nate asks.

Allison glares up at him and bares her teeth in a vicious snarl. “Fuck. You.”

And then she tips her head towards the black sky, lets out a guttural scream, and unleashes a shockwave of blue energy.

You recoil, throwing your arms up to brace yourself –but it washes over you harmlessly, less of an attack and more of a smokescreen.

And, when your eyes adjust and you see part of the ground fusing back together, the way it did at the warehouse after Allison took Karen a second time, you realize that’s exactly what it was.

“She’s most likely done for tonight,” Nathan reassures Frank when the black clad vigilante starts scanning the immediate area for the next sign of danger. “She was tired at the end of it. Wouldn’t have had enough left in her for another attack.”

“She’s still out there,” Frank says.

“And that’s a problem for another day,” Nathan fires back, heading towards the Memorial Park’s entrance. “We need to get out of here before the cops show up.”

***

 “Her name is Allison Ricci, daughter of Andrew Ricci—”

“Yeah, we know that, skip to the part where she can literally raise the dead!” Wade snaps.

“For the last time: I found out about that when you did!” Nathan fires back.

The lot of you –meaning Wade, Nate, Neena, Frank, Karen, your husband, and you—are gathered at yours and Piotr’s house, post being examined and released by Hank and his team. You’re all sat around the dining room table, in various states of irritation, frustration, and exhaustion.

The last one chiefly goes to Karen –who, after being kidnapped twice and having a gun held to her head, has earned a good nap and a glass of wine (the latter of which you procured for her as soon as she stepped into your home).

As for the other two…

Wade and Frank are arguably the angriest, mostly at Nathan for seemingly having withheld information about Allison and the mission.

You, Neena and Piotr are also irritated, largely for the same reasons –though Piotr is especially pissed that Nate would bring trainees on a mission this dangerous.

All in all, it adds up to your dad having a lot of digging out to do.

“In my time, she’s an agent of Bishop, one of Apocalypse’s henchmen,” Nathan continues quickly, before Wade or Frank can start arguing with him. “I only recognized her name due to her father’s obituary. She preferred staying distant from all of it, staying unseen –which is why I didn’t know about her full set of powers to begin with, and also why I thought it would be okay to bring along Russell, Negasonic, and Yukio. The information just wasn’t there.”

“This isn’t the first time you’ve come up short on a mission,” Frank points out, tone lethal. “You could’ve told us –fuck, you could’ve told us she’s just a kid, Summers. That would’ve been good to know.”

“You weren’t in the headspace to listen to anything I had to say, Castle,” Nathan fires back through gritted teeth. “You threatened to snap my neck if I didn’t step to at your fucking pace. I’m not going to waste the time talking if you’re so single minded—”

“The two of you can settle your issues later,” you interject. “Right now, we still need to know what we’re dealing with when it comes to Allison.”

Nathan sighs heavily, scrubs his face with one hand. “I was hoping we’d be able to pull with her what we did with Russell. Get her the help and support she needed, change the course of the future. But, since her official kill count hasn’t changed by much, I seriously doubt we didn’t pull that off tonight.”

“‘Hasn’t changed by much?’” Neena repeats, arms crossed over her chest and brows spiking towards her hairline. “What the hell does that mean?”

Nate’s mouth twists into a deep grimace. “Technically… Karen was supposed to die tonight.”

Frank’s face goes pale, and Karen takes another long sip of wine while she holds Frank’s hand.

“About a year later, she would’ve taken out Frank, too. Obviously we managed to save Karen tonight, and considering that Allison’s down two listed kills and there’s no… imminently listed death dates for Karen and Frank –no, I’m not telling you,” Nathan quickly says, shooting a stern look at Frank. “Last thing you need to know is either of your death dates. Anyway, since she’s down two kills and the dates aren’t anywhere in the near future, I’m willing to wager we’ve managed to take you two off her list. The rest of it though…”

“How many does she have left?” Piotr asks, hesitant.

“A little over fifteen thousand,” Nathan sighs heavily.

Shock ripples through the room, evident on everyone’s faces.

“Holy shit,” Frank breathes, face going slack with surprise and horror.

“How is that even possible?” Karen asks, brow furrowed.

Wade shrugs. “Give me enough explosives and I could probably do it.”

“Shut it, Wilson.”

“She asked!”

“You saw her in action tonight,” Nathan interjects, sitting back in his seat. “She’s only going to get stronger as she goes. And once she’s in Bishop’s keep, she’s going to have even more means and opportunities to kill. Not to mention that the number on file is comprised only of officially listed kills. In reality, it’s undoubtedly higher.”

“So, essentially, we’re trying to flip a teenager with comparative lethal abilities of a bomb, whose parents were just killed by him,” Neena says, pointing at Frank.

“We did it with Russell—”

“Russell was an orphan, looking for a family and someone to care about him, and had a strong connection to Wade,” Neena states, staring Nathan down from across the table. “Allison lost her whole family execution style, is trying to cope and grieve on her own, and is clearly more than a little unhinged if tonight’s anything to go by. These are two entirely different ball games.”

“We cannot let child become mass murderer,” Piotr speaks up, conviction strong in his voice and on his face. “She deserves better future.”

Silence hangs in the room as everyone arrives at the same conclusion at their own pace.

Neena sighs heavily. “This barely worked with Russell. And you—” she points at Wade “—had to get shot twice for it to work. He’s—” she jerks her thumb at Nate “—out of time jumping charges, and I seriously doubt that shooting him—” she nods at Frank “—is gonna have the same effect with Allison.”

“We’ll find something,” Karen says, properly joining the conversation for the first time that night.

Neena raises an eyebrow at her. “What makes you so sure?”

“Because we have to,” Karen says quietly. “It’s fifteen thousand plus people that need us to.”

There’s a beat of silence, and then Neena sighs heavily. “Alright. Count me in. We’re gonna need all the luck we can get with this.”

“We’ll help as we can, too,” you say, pointing between yourself and Piotr. “But I’m not sure how much the X-Men will be able to assist since the Punisher’s tangled up in this.”

“I will contact my mother,” Piotr adds. “She may be able to help with this.”

Nathan nods, then looks over at Wade. “What about you?”

“I’m with you in all of this, Cabes. Always.” Wade leans over, gently kisses his partner’s cheek, then stands with a groan. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, the Wade-mobile needs to make a pit stop.”

“You could’ve just said ‘excuse me,’” Neena calls out as Wade heads towards the bathroom.

“Hey! It could’ve been worse! I could’ve said that I’m gonna take the mother of all piss breaks –which, as it so happens, I am!”

You all groan, a mix of annoyance and disgust.

“I’m also gonna take a shit!”

“I think we get the picture, handsome,” Nathan says with a roll of his eyes. “Just –please use the restroom and stop telling us about it.” He waits to make sure that Wade isn’t going to keep talking –or, worse still, narrate his “pit stop” experience—then sighs and looks at everyone else again. “Thank you. Everyone. Allison is a key component in Apocalypse’s upper ranks in the future. If we can flip her to our side, we’ll put a major dent in his abilities to take over the universe.”

“Fucking Christ,” Frank grumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just –this kid. Is she gonna keep coming after Karen and me?”

“Possibly. I’ll keep my ear to the ground, and if I hear anything, I’ll let you know,” Nathan promises.

“You’ll let me know everything,” Frank amends, jabbing an accusatory finger in your dad’s direction. “No more of this vague bullshit –or it’s going to be my gun up your ass.”

“Ooh, kinky!” Wade shouts from the bathroom. “Can I get in on that?”

Nathan shakes his head at the same time Frank grimaces, and then he nods at Frank. “Everything I know. You have my word.”

“Your word doesn’t really mean shit right now, Summers,” Frank growls, shoving his chair back as he stands. “Come on,” he says to Karen, voice considerably softer and more caring. “Let’s get you home.”

“You’re coming home, too,” Karen insists.

“Yeah,” Frank agrees, putting his hand on the small of Karen’s back as he escorts her out of the dining room. “I’m going home, too.”

“I will get door,” Piotr murmurs, quickly following after them to escort them out the front door.

Neena stretches, rolls her neck, then sighs. “I’m beat. Think Xavier will mind if I crash in one of the empty rooms?”

You shake your head. “He won’t care. You’re welcome here for breakfast in the morning.”

She grins. “Sounds good.” She hugs you gently, presses a sisterly kiss against the top of your head, then heads out the front door.

You watch her go, then circle around the table and sit down next to your dad. “You can’t keep holding back essential information.”

“I’m not trying to,” Nathan says tiredly, rubbing his temples. “There just genuinely wasn’t much to go on tonight. Plus, telling people information about the future is dangerous. It can alter the course of things irreparably, change the outcome of millions of lives on a catastrophic level. I’m just… I’m trying to figure out the balance of it all. What I can and can’t share.”

“You’ll get it figured out,” you reassure him. “I know you will.”

A ghost of a smile tugs at Nathan’s lips, and he slings an arm around your shoulders. “Thanks, kid.”

***

 “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You blink at the darkness, then roll onto your side and wriggle across your and your husband’s massive bed until you’re nestled up against his side. “Are you alright?”

“Da.” Piotr wraps one of his massive, muscular arms around you, hugs you against his side, and kisses the top of your head. “Tonight was just… intense. I wish young ones did not have to go through.”

“We’ll know better for next time,” you reassure him. “And Dad legitimately didn’t know all of what was up with Allison. He didn’t mean to get the teens involved.”

Piotr huffs. “Ya znayu.”

“But?”

“I just… Cable is reckless.”

You purse your lips; you know he’s annoyed since he’s using Nathan’s code name. “He doesn’t mean to be.”

“Perhaps, but he forgets we are not all soldiers. That we do not all operate as he does. He is good person –good for you and Wade—and good trainer, but not always good leader. Not for… not for everyone.”

“Not for everyone,” you agree. “But he’s amazing for Wade, you have to admit.”

“I would not deny,” Piotr says, fingers playing absently with your hair. “Cable balances Wade, and verse vice-a. But he is too reckless for X-Men.”

“Which is why he’s not an X-Man—”

“Not my meaning. He may be too reckless to work with,” Piotr clarifies. “We have to meet certain standards to keep licensing to run school, work with children, act as enforcers against mutant criminals. If Cable jeopardizes that…”

“One step at a time,” you remind your husband when his voice trails off. “Nathan takes what we do here seriously. If he sees himself jeopardizing that, he’ll be the first to bring it up, and he’ll be the one to step away so we can keep doing what we do. You know that.”

Piotr sighs. “That much is true.” He tucks you closer to him, then kisses your forehead. “You should rest, myshka. Sleep is very important.”

“I was,” you tease him, smile evident in your voice. “But I had to soothe my husband’s woes first.”

Piotr chuckles, then presses a kiss against the top of your head. “Spokoynoy nochi i sladkikh snov, lyubov' moya.”

“Love you too, sweetheart. Rest well.”

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

while i think OBJECTIVELY, okumura’s arc was the absolute worst, i also agree that kaneshiro’s was a close second. honestly, for me personally, kaneshiro’s is worst because of my personal hatred of makoto and the fact that the bank arc is never criticized elsewhere (usually praised for the music, makoto’s awakening, and the dungeon of all things) in comparison to okumura’s arc which is universally hated (both in story and dungeon)

I dunno if it can be objectively tbh, writing wise that is (it’s hard to say something subjective is objective in general, nothing against you just....I’ve been grappling with this myself tbh). I do think if there was a measure to something being objectively bad writing wise.......I’d ask these questions (like I’ve said, I’ve been thinking a bit on this for awhile kfdjaslfa;): Is it consistent?, Does it contradict?, Does it make sense? .....first two can be grouped together tbh (and tbh P5 is littered with all three regardless lfkdjsakf;) But yeah I do know I’m hella biased against Makoto (tho it’s because of how dungeon 3 played out that caused me to hate her) so like there’s that. 8U

Anyway time to make an argument as to why the fandom should adopt Kane as the worst arc, under cut:

Dungeon design I won’t defend it, it’s a slog (tbh anything after Mada goes on for waaaaay to long, needs more substance if they’re gonna make us slog through the dungeon for that long, gimme some cutscenes damnit), it really hurts my eyes (I love blue, tbh deserts are my worst enemy with games, cause they hurt my eyes the  most, but they did something with Oku), and I know people HATE the air lock puzzles (I love them aklfdjska;jfa they aren’t that bad tbh, you just kinda go forward). The puzzles are the only reason I don’t mind it kfldjsafj;akjf;

Ngl whenever I think of Oku’s arc writing wise I’m just...”yadda yadda bs fight, yadda yadda go into dungeon meet Haru/Mona, yadda yadda won’t make up, yadda yadda Anne found Haru, yadda yadda having a nice talk with Haru, MAKOTO CHASES HARU AWAY, yadda yadda Haru tries to run us over (did Mona tell her or did she do it on her own, this would be INTERESTING TO EXPLORE ATLUS!), yadda yadda mona got kicked, Haru in trouble, say we will help Haru, go in dungeon, Haru now full Persona, slog through dungeon, Oku’s been doing stuff people have already told us he is doing! :O SHOCKER! slog through dungeon, slog, slog, Oku fight, he bad, Oku dead, Haru says how her dad was poor. Done. 

Is it a boring ass slog where Haru gets sidelined for a dumb fight, a fight that should’ve been written better? Yeah. Now is it consistent/does it contradict? Fore the most part yeah.....I think......There are some questions raised about Goro and the Metaverse (and how Futaba is a shit Navi *cough* good job detecting him when you guys dragged him in >.>....ngl makes me think she......she’d lose to Rise/Fuuka in terms of locating, aka I don’t think locating people is Futaba’s strong suit). But everything else? Yeah, Ryu’s/Mona fight started with Futaba having a moment on the beach and built from there. Only thing really jank is I think it’s Yusuke/Anne who flip flop on thoughts on Oku (I remember this point more from the P5 crit video tbh). And PQ2 lies about why they went after Oku iirc (or there was more to what was going on and yeah....oversimplified it), but that’s PQ2. And they seem to be surprised by what’s happening to the Robots.....despite.....knowing he’s like that..... Does it make sense? Stupidly bt yes, it’s not fun and boring but yeah. Tbh I really need to refresh myself with Oku’s dungeon (I ought to pick Royal back up sakldjfa;jfl blame the move and Smite tbh), because it’s just......bare......and simple....and dumb....and shallow....and boring. (if you have something to add I’d love to hear it, I really need to refresh myself on it cause....Kane’s is just....so much worse imo). 

Ok so low key, surprised people even like the dungeon’s design. Is it cause it’s a bank? Cause it’s kinda bland, doesn’t help Kane’s the least developed antagonist in the entire game (you’d think they counterbalance not seeing him irl with the Shadow but nope). It’s just grey walls and piggy banks. Not really a puzzle (or what is one is easy/can easily have the solution looked up so it’s not really testing the player). I don’t really care for the music (I only think Sae’s and Royal’s is worth listening to iirc, but I also don’t care for P5′s music in general.....). If you like Makoto I can see you liking this dungeon (other than the music) but that’s it. I still don’t get what’s so great about her awakening. She summoned her Persona and hit enemies with it? Great. Is it cause it’s a bike? Or cause she hit enemies with it? I mean I guess if you like the bike (y’all know I hate the thing ksladjf;a so many issues and I think it looks boring/ugly tbh). I swear to god tho, if it’s because she stops her foot.....Anne literally broke out of steel/iron (?) shackles, disarmed a shadow, jumped several feet into the air while swinging a heavy ass steal(?) sword. Anne’s showcased Persona user’s strength, Makoto’s gonna need to raise the bar A LOT higher than “I stomped my foot cause I was angry and then I beat shadows with my persona-I’m special. uwu” :/ (ngl was disenchanted with Yusuke/Mako(and Futaba I guess)’s awakening, Anne’s showcased power, MC showcased blood/brutality, Ryu’s showcased the pain, Futaba’s was just P4 so nothing special, Haru’s only stood out after all that because of how hammy it was, but Yusuke/Mako/Futaba I didn’t care for cause it was stuff I already seen and wasn’t anything new). 

....anyway...onto my three questions for dungeon 3.....Is it consistent/does it contradict? .......so like.....the better question....is when doesn’t it contradict? Anne’s character? We’re gonna act like it’s more her fault so we can make Makoto look better for when we force her on the team, doesn’t matter that we’ve been showing/stating that Anne didn’t know about Kamo’s abuse towards Shiho because of the miscommunication she was having, we’re gonna make it so that she should feel guilty for not having helped Shiho....even tho she WAS helping her just for a different issue. Iirc Mona states something about having Mako be the key, and then the NEXT GOD DAMN SCENE Mako’s acts like it was her idea:

Hi key had a freaking shit fit when I saw this. What do you mean you had this thought? How many people wrote these scenes without communicating with each other???? Mona had the idea??????? Which is why we even brought you along in the first place????? The hell????? It just doesn’t feel connected at all???? 

The game acts like she’s so smart suddenly, and even takes shit that she didn’t even come up with. Acts like she can def be level headed when she LITERALLY JUST RAN INTO A MAFIA DEN CAUSE SHE WAS TINY BIT STRESSED! Claims she has all these adults on her ass, when it’s just one (who backs down when she says no...AND IT WORKS), and the other who is just trying so hard to be a parent and a sister (who they keep wishy washy so we can like her later cause see she’s not all bad! uwu poor Sae ;w;). Acts like her arc is about adults telling her what to do and getting in her way and probably the reason she didn’t help with Kamo....EVEN THO SHE SAYS SHE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING CAUSE SHE DIDN’T CARE! And while it’s contradicted in retrospect, iirc it’s in her CoOp where she’s like “being a prim and proper prez won’t help me here” (or at least claiming she was one) when like/????? no she did illegal shit this entire arc, which fkldjsaf;jskjsfadf FREAKING LAUGHABLE she is after us when she is 1) stalking, 2) taking illegal recordings, 3) taking illegal photos, 4) harassing us in general like????? you’re the criminal Makoto (tbh her, Futaba, and Goro are the real criminals of the PT skldfjajf the only illegal shit happens cause of them). 

Then there’s the plan scene:

Makoto: What’s your guy’s plan? Ryu/Yuske/whoever: We kinda just go in and look around? Makoto: oh you don’t have a plan? well good thing I’m here! Me: What’s your plan Makoto? Makoto: We’re gonna go in and look around! Me:  (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Pre Mako: We worked together to come up with a plan to attempt to sneak the treasure out! Post Mako: You don’t plan????? Good thing Mako’s here! We’re not going to attempt to steal the treasure by sneaking it out, instead we’re just gonna walk in there.....that’s it, no plan, and when there is one it’s gonna suck ass realistically but we’re gonna make it work through the power of ~plot convenience~! Me:  (ノಥ,_｣ಥ)ノ彡┻━┻

Mona: Oh Makoto called to apologize for getting your number via Leblanc. She must be ok! Me: Mona she threatened my livelihood, has been stalking me for weeks, wants me to go after a dangerous criminal that could risk my life AND livelihood otherwise she’ll just destroy my livelihood, wouldn’t help with our investigation one gd bit, chased away my one gd lead.....and..Do....do you think....she’s....”not bad?” Is that where your standards lie?

Game: You just need to change the person’s cognition and ya golden! Me: Well Kane said we are his customers, can we get in without Mako? Game: Nope! Me: Why? Game: We just need her in the plot is all. Me: But we COULD go without her. Game: 

Me: ????? BUT YOU WROTE THOSE RULES AND SAID THAT THEY WERE KANE’S CUSTOMERS?????!!!

Me: So Makoto can ride her Persona....that kinda shows they can all touch their Personas. Game: .......... Me: Why didn’t they try riding their Personas up to Kane in the first place?  Game: .......only Arsene has wings..... Me: I’m sorry but as Pennywise would say, “They all float down here.”  Game: 

PT: Man we sure do need a target! I wonder if there are any good leads Me: We literally just heard a rumor on the train this morning about a mob boss- PT: Man sure is sad we have no knew leads. u_u Me: I swear to god, I’m this close......I’m THIS close..... 

On a non Makoto related BS thing the game does this dungeon: PT: We need to go after bad guys! Me: What about going after the ones the police are going after! PT: No because they’ll take the credit. Me: Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow this says so much about your character, I thought it didn’t matter unless we were helping other’s? Did I just get teleported to the 5th dungeon for a sec? What’s with this BULLSHIT?  I get you need popularity for Mementos but first and foremost was helping people right? I’m not just bullshitting myself right???? So you mean to tell me, before it actually even went to your head, you already cared about popularity over helping people in general? Holy shit. You know, I give Junpei a lot of shit, but at least he and Yosuke have the integrity to keep doing what they need to do and not deciding not to do their damn job because people aren’t noticing them. You guys are horrible heroes. 

So yeah it’s not just Mako (or because of Mako, but most of it is because of Mako) that messes up the team/writing, even when she’s not related we get lovely pieces like that. It’s inconsistent and contradictory (Futaba is just as bad, it’s just aimed a lore elements that can easily be missed, rather than character/plot writing like Mako’s arc is). Lemme tell you, I’m literally having a shit fit every 2 seconds (btw I can go on about a 2 hour rant with probs each line like that’s how much I get tilted with this dungeon and it’s BS, lying straight to my face they think they can well I’ll just scream into the void! >XO) with both Mako/Futaba, but esp Mako. Oku’s might have a few contradictions or inconsistencies, but nowhere NEAR as many as Mako’s does. 

So now it begs the question.....does it make sense? No. Absolutely not. With that many inconsistencies/contradictions......how can it? Hell the premise makes no gd sense even knowing Humpty Dumpty is with the evil organization. Using her would make no sense, hell he has like a few suspects he could EASILY make a list without even asking around school (both Volleyball teams+track team+Ryuji+MC+Anne because he admitted to all that on stage next to the guy!) Hell it makes no sense why he’s part of the conspiracy when like......his position seems to do nothing for them. It’s just there for bullshit reasons, and to make Mako be put into a bullshit situation, it’d make more sense to hire Goro than ask a normal high school student to play detective (even tho Goro is probs the other one who provided a list, the hell are they asking the principal when they already used Goro?????) Hell, Kane targeting Syujin kids makes no sense, esp when their uniform is very recognizable! 1) They are already in the news for controversy (so unneeded attention), and 2) they’re connected to a fellow conspiracy member, why would you knowingly want to screw him over???? It just makes the conspiracy look dumber than they already look. 

Then there’s also the fact chars act dumber, either to make Mako look smarter, or to make it so she can join the team later. The whole arc smells of plot contrivance AND plot convenience. Literally bending over backwards to justify her joining when....the game accidentally wrote almost every way she didn’t need to join. 1) Found out about Kane before her, 2) Found his name without her help, 3) could use Personas to fly up to his dungeon if they tried it, 4) if for some stupid reason they couldn’t, they’d just make one of them a customer (hell probs just need to “join a scheme” like the other high school kids with the lackeys rather than run into his den himself, Kane seems to keep track of everyone) The game just doesn’t need her, but it realizes that and has to inconvenience itself and twist itself around to try to justify her. 

And this is probably only scratching the surface cause....it’s late.....but this is what I remember off the top of my head at 5 am. 

Like Oku’s is bad, but Kane’s is abysmal (oh, and at least with Oku we kinda KNOW why he’s crazy about power, Kane is more vague, which isn’t good for an already underdeveloped char). I don’t know why the fandom signed off on Oku being the worst when Kane’s around. Or even that “the game gets better when Futaba joins” (it doesn’t, the game was on a decline since Kamo’s dungeon, Futaba was just an apparent uptick from Mako, mostly cause it lacks the character/story assassination that Mako’s had) when the freaking way they handle mental illness should be a big red flag for everyone (the lore stuff? def will go over newbies heads, I get not everyone is a lore whore like me but c’mon, some stuff does make you question it tho even when you only look at P5). 

But yeah I think Kane’s has more writing issues than Oku’s does. Oku’s writing is bland, with one of the worst dungeons, but Kane has the worst writing and a very bland dungeon when you just....look at it.Kane does get shit, but I don’t know why Oku gets more shit, I get gameplay wise the dungeon can be frustrating, but my god......the writing in Kane is......just horrible all around.  

[terrebus-fc]

how do all y'all recommend getting into football for a newcomer? just pick a team and start watching them? or like watch previous tournaments or something?

first of all, welcome to football :3

there’s some similarities to the terror so i think you might find it quite familiar:

get ready for some rambling below the cut!

i think it’s easiest to start by watching a bigger international tournament while it’s happening. the world cup, obviously, is the biggest event in football, but other tournaments like the european championships or the copa américa (or whatever is going on where you’re from) also work well and are happening sooner (in 2020). follow the country you’re from if they qualified or pick any other country you like, really, and… just watch.

the advantage of those tournaments are that you’ll usually get to see a good mix of teams that are actually playing to win, that it all happens within the span of a month and that there will be extensive media coverage of the matches, part of it tailored to new viewers. don’t worry too much about the details of all the rules, you’ll get into the important ones quite quickly after watching some matches. part of being a football fan also is angrily disagreeing with the rules so not much knowledge is required. the emotions are the important thing. when the tournament is over you can follow the players you got to know during it back to their clubs and slip nicely into watching club football and selling your soul to the beautiful game.

of course you can also start with club football and randomly see what sticks. football is all about irrational attachments so… whatever works. (if you’re looking for club matches, this is a good site to find a stream!)

we agreed on our discord to each recommend a past match and an upcoming one to watch. i’ve thought about it for a bit and always kept coming back to the same match that’s a classic one and though it’s cliché i’m biased enough not to care. so. world cup 2014 semifinal between germany and brazil. i promise you the pay-off is very good (unless you support brazil).

for an upcoming match there’s a women’s football match between england and germany happening on 9th november. i know we’re all here for guys being lads but if you feel like it, check out the women playing, too.

- frauke

past match: my past match recommendation is Germany vs England, World Cup 2010, Round of 16. I think it’s a beautiful example of football at its best (Germany’s incredibly fluid style of play, feat. one of my favorite goals of all time) and worst (a referee completely failing to call a goal: a farcically monstrous error on the world stage). I love this game because despite everyone’s tactics, despite everyone’s efforts, the entire game arguably hinges on one incredibly stupid, incredibly human mistake, and what comes after. In a way it is a little bit like the Franklin expedition! And even nine years later the thought of what could have been evokes hilarity in some (three fifths of this mod team) and despair in others (one fifth of this mod team). That’s football babey! [WATCH IT HERE]

upcoming match: I’m gonna recommend a club match for this one! I’m a fan of German football and the Berlin derby (Union Berlin vs Hertha Berlin) is coming up this Saturday (Nov 2) at 5:30PM GMT! This is the first time these teams will be playing each other in the top league of German football, and it’s likely to be a good example of what rivalries in club football can be like. Union Berlin has a great underdog story–this is their first year ever in the Bundesliga–and it should be a lot of fun all around! Also, one week later, on Nov 9 at 4:30PM GMT, Borussia Dortmund take on perennial juggernauts Bayern Munich. Over the last decade or so Dortmund’s fast-paced, attacking football has been the only real challenge to Bayern’s throne, and with Bayern (my team, for better or worse) not playing nearly as well as they should this season, this could shape up to be an exciting match!

-ireny

past match: so i heard you like this very english show about these very english boys? you also like to suffer? FANTASTIC! croatia vs. england, the world cup 2018 semifinals, is the only match that matters on the planet and you should watch it immediately. underdog narratives on both sides! nobody expected either team to make it as far as they did – england because they’ve got a long history of disappointing in national tournaments, croatia because they’re considered a small country in football terms and because they hadn’t gotten past the group stages since 1998. england scored early, croatia equalized in the second half to drag them to extra time – their third game in a row that went to 120+ minutes – and despite how ragged and exhausted the team was, my #1 player of all time ever mario mandžukić scored the winning goal that got croatia through to their first ever world cup final. it was a truly transcendent moment. no matter whose side you’re on (i mean, there is only one right side, but who am i to judge) it’s a thrilling, scrappy game to watch. i want you to watch it so badly, i have a link for you.

upcoming match: outside of frothing at the mouth about my national team, i watch the italian league religiously. if you’d like to try out club football, this weekend has a couple high profile games in italy. on saturday (nov. 2) at 7:00 AM PT, you can watch roma vs. napoli, which are two teams that are considered hipster to like despite the fact that they’re actually massive. napoli are, regrettably, usually very good, but have had a poor start to their season, so they’ll be looking to dominate on-fire roma. it should be a shitshow, i can’t wait! meanwhile, at 12:45 PM PT you can watch the derby della mole, torino vs. juventus. juve is the most successful team in serie a, and torino are their cross-town rivals who are EXTREMELY lovable but also Not Very Good At Football. watch it and root for torino and have your heart broken (and then come talk to me about either team/any players you like because i can prime you equally on both!) (not ronaldo.)

- caitlin

past match: W O W do the attacks against england just keep coming and coming huh just like Tuunbaq huh!!!! Aside from that, the perennial sense of crisis, setback after setback, English people suffering, madness and disappointment, and betrayal of everything you hold dear are also some of the ways in which England resembles The Terror and therefore why you should also watch us. 

In the spirit of England, I’m going to recommend a match in which we lose: England 1-1 West Germany, 4-3 on penalties, at the 1990 World Cup. We lose to Germany a lot. (Pls hold: 1966, babey.) But 1990 was the first time that we reached the semi-finals since ‘66, and it was crazily emotionally charged; our coach Bobby Robson was leaving amidst a scandal, there’d been fights between the police and fans, and of course there was a palpable sense of christ, we could actually do it. (I say ‘we’ as in the way football fans say ‘we’, since in 1990 I was -5 years old.) The game is rip-roaring, furious, dramatic - look for Gazza’s Tears - and also introduces you to the concept of extra time, aka sitting in your seats for a full half-hour more than you expected, and penalties, aka something we are so famously bad at that when we finally won a penalty shootout last year we celebrated as if we had won the cup itself.

upcoming match: The Engl attacks made me defend myself and I couldn’t recommend a club game, which I would otherwise have (United 2-1 Arsenal ‘99, for those interested) because my club’s current football is SO DIRE I would not recommend it to anyone unless I wanted to turn them off of football forever. You might want to tune in next week for Liverpool Vs Man City (4:30 PM GMT, 10 Nov), a giant clash with probably entertaining football for everyone except United fans, who will desperately be cheering on Team Sinkhole.

- rach

I have something to add, which is that football has a weird and wild history, and I recommend looking up something like ‘the 10 most inexplicable moments in football’, or ‘five of the most unhinged things the most unhinged managers have ever said’ to get a taste. The sport is about enjoying the actual movement of the ball across the grass, but it’s also about basking in the massive array of bizarre personalities.

past match: a lot of good bases have already been covered re: Germany so I won’t pile on by recommending our 4-0 battering of Argentina in 2010 :3c I present to you instead the FA Cup final from 2014, Arsenal-Hull City. (Have a link!) Arsenal hadn’t won a trophy in nine years. The fan discontent with iconic manager Arsene Wenger was getting nasty. Hull City was the decided underdog. An underdog who promptly scored twice in the first ten minutes. Through a mix of lovely skill and scrappy luck the match ended happily for Arsenal, and even knowing that the Wenger story wasn’t entirely on the up and up after breaking that long drought, seeing the sheer joy and relief on everyone’ faces still makes me feel a whole lot of things.

upcoming match: that aside, Arsenal are currently playing as though they’ve got lost in a damp paper bag and have yet to soggily wander their way out. Despite that I’m going to recommend Leicester-Arsenal next weekend (9 Nov, 18.30 CET). Leicester have been absolutely swanning about (they annihilated Southampton last week 0-9 in the joint-largest prem league scoreline ever) and Arsenal at the moment, with their negative confidence and cotton wool defence are precisely in position to be smashed. But we’ve also done historically quite well against Leicester, and it could be the sort of match where Arsenal get their heads up and deliver the kind of easy-passing, smooth-running performance they’re supposed to be known for. It has great potential to be either a misery or a cheer-up charm for me, and regardless it’ll be a good time for you.

- Sabina

[i4z-0892-il]

Monster House 4

Summary: Posing as Newlyweds Sam and Y/n set out to investigate what’s killing the visitors of a secluded Inn, and attempt to keep their working relationship professional.

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word count: 4561

Warnings: NSFW, 18+ Only, suggestive themes, language

A/N:  TROPES. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY MY LOVES!!!

Buy Sam’s Scent Here from @scentsfromthebunker (And damn does it smell goooooood)

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Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Removing the holster and your gun from your thigh you reluctantly handed it back to Sam who tucked the small arsenal he brought into his backpack. The Inn was less than a quarter mile away, and you’d made it back to the main path, there was no point staying strapped.The venture was frustrating in that it had turned up virtually nothing. Maybe you should have decided to try to follow the guy you’d heard. He couldn’t have gone far when you left the cabin. But it was getting dark, and you’d rather shoot yourself in the foot than stay in those woods after nightfall. The wilderness felt the same as the woods from your childhood, and you’d learned your lesson then.  You weren’t taking chances now. Not when you were basically flying blind. No amount of money could have kept you out there.

Sam backed up your play to regroup, try again tomorrow when you had all day to traipse around the woods. Though it was quite possible the only reason he backed you up on the choice was because you were most definitely a little freaked. A little more freaked than usual on hunts. Thinking about it he’d only ever seen you downright skittish a handful of times. It was always in the woods. Previously he made it out to be a fear of Wendigo’s which was more than justified, now he wasn’t as convinced.

However the closer you got to the Inn the less thrilled you were to be back and out of the cold. The ping-pong of not wanting to be inside the Inn that was creepy, and filled with weirdly flirtatious staff where you were expected to participate in some dumb fucking class, but also not wanting to stay in the living, breathing, threatening woods was simply frustrating. Much like earlier at check-in Sam found himself practically pushing you through the door again. Usually you didn’t have this problem, you were a hunter, you were supposed to be brave and fearless and not a giant ball of knotted up anxiousness. But you just couldn’t shake it, whatever it was. There was a looming shadow that was screaming at you from the back of your mind to stay alert. Your instincts were telling you run, run very far away and not to come back.

Once Sam had successfully shoved you inside you allowed yourself to relax a little. It was nice and warm, there was a fire going in the massive fireplace in the parlor making everything cozy and less intimidating. Not to mention the fact that a certain Raven-Haired Aphrodite wasn’t fawning all over Sam, and giving you the stink-eye. It wasn’t as if you didn’t know that you had very little room with which to marinate in your distaste. And if Sam wanted to go for that petite little thing- well who the fuck could blame him? Hell, you kinda wanted to. If you weren’t so threatened and envious of her you might! But that was simply not going to happen, you couldn’t help it. Ugh! The way she was looking at him like she could just eat him alive made you want to puke.  That coupled with the fact that she didn’t acknowledge your presence in the slightest, and when she did- if looks could kill you’d have been dead as a doornail. Sorry, is his wife getting in the way of your unabashed advances, Esmeralda? Fake wife. But she didn’t know that!

It was a thin little line you were walking, and you could only imagine that the longer time you spent at the Inn where Esmeralda had the opportunity to cling to Sam the harder it would be to walk that line. You were not a jealous, possessive woman, and Sam being the grown, free man he was had every right to do as he pleased, and you’d just have to deal with it. Buuuuttttt, you were also playing Mrs. to his Mr. which granted you a little room to push back, and claim your territory. But how much is too much? Letting him in on the fact that you really were seething with disdain for her and for not so unbiased reasons was simply out of the question. This was just another job, and you’d have to just keep reminding yourself of that. The circumstances of your relationship- friendship- working professional partnership had not, and would not change. So just get it out of your head already.

Chattering from the parlor caught your attention, as Sam passed you by to head up to the room. When he realized you weren’t following him he turned on heel. You were focused on making out the noise coming from the other room, and rather than interrupt you he took the moment to take you in. He’d met many beautiful women in the past, but you were simply stunning. All he wanted to do when he was around you was drink in your image, and watch your every move. No one would call you dainty, or elegant, you were uncoordinated and clumsy half of the time. But then there would be those moments that he couldn’t get enough of.  Where it was just the little things about you that were the source of the fluttering in his chest. The graceful bend of your wrist as you turned the pages of a book, and how soft your skin was even though it should have been calloused and hardened like his. The way you never seemed to be able to sit in a chair the right way, legs tucked under you or slung over the arm allowing him to appreciate the long length of them. Or when loose strands of soft hair would hang in your face begging him to push it behind your ear. How your lips curled into that playful smile that made him weak in the knees. Moreso when you’d get so caught up in your hysterics that an unflattering snort would choke you, making you lose it even more. And the crinkle at the corners of your eyes when you smiled. Your eyes, so intense and mischievous, sparkling like jewels in the light. Even the way you’d chew on your fingernails, or tap them on any surface when you were nervous, left him in awe. He could watch you move, just do any random thing, for all time and it wouldn’t be long enough.

Clearing his throat he brought your attention back to him. “You coming?”

“Yeah.” You answered aloof, turning your head back to the parlor, not quite ready to move yet. “Yeah, I’ll be up in a minute. You go, I’ll catch up.”

There wasn’t much opportunity for him to answer, your focus had shifted again. For as scatterbrained as you could be you also possessed an unparalleled ability to hyperfocus when you wanted to. Guessing this was one of those times he continued up the stairs to the room, leaving you to investigate whatever had captured your attention so hard.

Stopping at the entrance to the parlor you stayed out of sight behind the wall, you couldn’t make out what they were saying, but you were hoping if you listened intently enough you could pick up your Mystery Voice from the cabin. Two men were in there but neither of them sounded like your person of interest. And they were talking about the best year for scotch, which was something you couldn’t believe was an actual topic of conversation. A sudden tap on your shoulder jolted you back to your surroundings where you jumped with a surprised yelp. Snapping your head to the source and clutching at your chest, wide eyes landed on Derek.

“You almost gave me a heart attack!” An exaggerated sigh followed by an exasperated laugh passed your lips. He laughed with you, his hands in the air allowing you to catch your breath.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Wesson, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing like a good scare to let you know you’re alive.” You quipped. He gave you a kind smile, his eyes searching your face as if you were the most rare creature he’d ever laid eyes on, like he would scare you away if he moved too quickly. Not that you minded being ogled occasionally, but he was not being at all subtle about the eyefucking he was giving you.

“Were you waiting for Mr. Wesson?”

“No, he went up to the room to freshen up I think. We just got back from a hike, and I’m sure I could use a shower myself.” You answered with a short laugh, looking for an escape route.

“I understand. Have you been given a tour of the grounds yet?”

“Uuuhhh no, but I saw the layout online when we were deciding on where to go”

“I see, well I can assure you, the pictures online hardly do this place justice. Allow me the pleasure of showing you around?” He asked with another kind smile, misty green eyes practically begging you to just say yes. Damn, he really was handsome, and that tailored burgundy suit looked mighty fine on him too. Now you might should have declined his offer, but there was an opportunity there. He’d show you around, get the lay of the land, and you could ask him about the odd going’s-on about the Inn he helped to run.

So you put on a sweet, playful smile and agreed. “You know, I would love a tour.”

Elated he held out an elbow for you to take, like a tried and true gentleman, and you obliged by wrapping your fingers around a surprisingly firm bicep. Careful Y/n, you are supposed to be married. Derek escorted you room to open room giving a brief history of the place. None of the details were of much interest, but he talked with so much passion that you would have felt terrible about interrupting him to ask about the dead bodies being found.

The final room at the Inn was the ballroom. The place had a fucking ballroom. Of course it did. You probably shouldn’t have expected otherwise given the fact that this place was old and built by some filthy rich family. Even still you found yourself in awe, the ornate carvings in the wood, and crystal chandeliers was enough to make you speechless. The building was unsettling enough but damn if it was not impressive. And impressed you were, gold filigree inlay, and immaculate paintings in the panels of the curved ceiling, left you breathless. It was truly beautiful. You weren’t aware that your mouth had fallen into an ‘o’ until Derek spoke up and pulled you out of your enchanted trance.

“A sight to behold, I know. Mr. Wellington truly spared no expense. He used to throw very lavish parties for only the most elite of the elite, or if you were very beautiful. The Gala he threw for his Wedding Anniversary to his wife was the event of the season.” Derek said, turning his eyes to you as he finished his sentence.

“I’m sure it was quite the party.” Dropping your hand from his arm you stepped into the room that was much bigger than you could have anticipated to look around. Each eye catching detail more precise and intricate than the last.

“It was, people would come from all over the country, if they were invited. It was a very exclusive and highly revered event. We carry on the tradition still today.”

“Really? You host a massive party for the 1%?” You asked, your tone a little flatter than you had intended, but it pulled a chuckle from him.

“Yes and no. It’s no longer a gathering of only the most prestigious of people, but it is still a very large event. Though I can’t lie and say that some very high-profile people attend every year. You will be there won’t you?” He implored, and you snorted.

“Well, Derek, I’m flattered. But my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail.”

“Au contraire, no invitation necessary, and it’s on Thursday.” He stated matter-of-factly. You smiled with an understanding, albeit defeated, nod. Of course it was Thursday, this Thursday. It couldn’t have been any other Thursday through the year. Nope. Had to be the most inconvenient timing. Just your luck.

“Ah, so that’s what the Dancing night on the itinerary meant. I’m not much of a dancer, sadly.”

“Oh I don’t believe that at all Mrs. Wesson. I’d be happy to teach you a few steps.”

“Y/n, please. Mrs. Wesson is just a little too formal for my tastes.” You suggested, in truth you just weren’t sure you’d be able to answer to another name as seamlessly as Dean or Sam could. They were pro’s at the whole fake identity thing, and while you certainly weren’t stranger to it yourself, the ‘Mrs.’ part sent you for a loop. It just sounded strange.

“Y/n, what a lovely name. I must warn you, since I seem to have caught you by surprise- it is a formal event. Black tie.” He said before taking your hand and placing it in the crook of his arm continuing the tour through the back and out to the gardens.

Fuck. Black tie? That was going to be a problem, you were going to have to put your hopes into solving the case before then, because there was no way you were cramming yourself in some cocktail dress and high heels. That simply was not going to do. Although the idea of Sam in a tux was not in the slightest off-putting. But then you’d be expected to do Gala things like dancing and mingling and smiling. And none of that sounded like something you’d willingly involve yourself in.  

The fresh floral aroma hit you like a wall the second you stepped into the gardens. Every single plant and topiary was meticulously cared for and it showed. There were flowers you’d never even seen before, big and bright and colorful. A beautiful stone pathway led around the garden to the center where a massive fountain was, filled with Koi fish and lily pads. Large, detailed marble statues were placed strategically about the area, giving the whole place a whimsical and enchanted feel.

“Wow. Mr. Wellington sure liked his plants too, huh?”

“He did, or more Mrs. Wellington did, so he had this constructed for her.” He pointed up to a large set of windows at the center of the Inn. “That was their room there, and he wanted her to be able to wake up to the sight of something beautiful every morning.”

“Well isn’t that just adorable. Giant Anniversary party, a garden dedicated to her, she must have been pretty special.”

“That she was. He loved her deeply. When she died he was so heartbroken he fell into despair and died not long after her. Quite tragic. They watched all five of their children succumb to the plague, before it claimed Mrs. Wellington.” Derek explained.

“Bummer.” You replied. Sam was the empathetic one, you not so much. Not that it wasn’t a sad story, but they were all sad stories. “And Mr. Wellington, he died of the plague too, I read.”

“No. He died of a broken heart.” Derek answered turning icy green eyes to you. It took much effort to control your face, because you could have laughed.

Died of a broken heart. Not that it was unheard of, and you knew full well that it was an actual thing. But it didn’t make it any less silly to think of. Maybe it was just you being callous, or maybe it was because you’d never been in love so you couldn’t imagine what losing someone like that would have felt like. Well, maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but there was no way you’d let yourself admit it, let alone actually feel it.

Having unpacked the weapons he brought on your little hiking trip back in their designated spot Sam was getting a little antsy in the room by himself. Mostly he was just wondering what was taking you so long. Not that he should have been concerned, you were a big girl who knew how to take care of herself. There were many times where you had to split up on a hunt, gathering intel, breaking into evidence lockers and so on, this shouldn’t have been any different. It wasn’t. He just had to reaffirm that point in his head. This was no different than any other hunt you’d been on with him in the past. The cover was the only thing that had changed, and he most certainly wasn’t actually married to you, so he couldn’t have possibly missed your presence.

Pressing an arm against the frame of the window he peered outside, looking down at the sprawling gardens below where he caught sight of you immediately. You were cupping a peach colored rose in your hands, taking a moment to get lost in its fragrance. Watching you pulled a smile to his lips, maybe that’s what you’d have been in another life. A botanist, you had a green thumb based on the little windowsill garden you had growing in your room at the bunker. It was tiny, just a couple of herbs, but they were growing well, and he was impressed. Dean was thrilled because he had fresh spices to cook with. The moment he had to take you in was ruined almost as quickly as it had come when Derek stepped around you offering a plucked Lily.

Biting into his lip he turned away from the window making himself busy his mind on anything else. Literally anything other than the guy who was so obviously interested in his wife. Fake wife. Friend. Business Partner. Frustrated, he ran fingers through his hair and opted to take a shower rather than dwell on the fact that what he wanted from you wasn’t an option on the table. Even if you were in the slightest bit interested in kicking things up a notch there was no justifiable reason why he should. Romance never seemed to work out for him, and the inevitability of failure with you was too high a price to pay. He’d rather have you in his life just as you were than not at all. Either things would go south, or you’d wind up dead. And neither option he could live with.

Settling on that little nugget of fact was harder to digest than maybe it should have been. The heart wants what the heart wants, but he was too logical to cave into that desire. Choosing instead to pine away in silence. Though once alone in the shower with his thoughts the only thing he could think of was you. The length of your body pressed so firmly to his as he had you positioned in that tiny, little crawl-space. The feel of your breasts, warm and soft against his chest through the thin fabric of your barely-there t-shirt. And the arousing friction of your ass unintentionally grinding into his crotch.

An irritated sigh passed his lips as he turned eyes up to the ceiling. Why? Why couldn’t he just will you to the back of his head? Because of how you were perched on his lap, straddling his hip bones like he’d imagined countless times before, grinding, and rocking, and bouncing at that perfect rhythmic pace until you came undone- Baseball. Chess. The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. The average flying velocity of a Swallow. African or European? The capital of Georgia is Atlanta. The capital of Virginia is Richmond. And so on.

The sun was starting to set over the horizon of the Mountains, painting the sky in watercolors of peach and amber and ruby fading into a dark blue at the opposite end of the world. That stupid fucking class was going to be happening soon, and you still needed to get a shower to wash off the grime you’d collected on your hike. No doubts you were pretty ripe, if nothing else you were coated in a fine layer of a billion years worth of dust and dirt. It was time to make your graceful exit.

“So, Derek this little tour has been lovely, and particularly informative. But I should really go shower and get ready for the class tonight. And I’m sure Mr. Wesson is worried that I’ve been gone so long.” You excused yourself with a smile.

“Of course, I didn’t mean to keep you so long. Enjoy your evening, Y/n.” He replied as you backed away giving him a wave of your hand before disappearing inside.

Slipping into the room you kicked your boots carelessly into the corner of the room where the rest of your belongings were and stripped out of the army green jacket you were wearing. Rifling through the drawers of the dresser you pulled out another pair of jeans a clean shirt to wear. This was going to blow. Cooking class. You scoffed thinking about it, this was most assuredly going to end in disaster. Either you were going to light something on fire that should not be on fire, or whatever you managed to make was not going to be edible in the slightest.

The door to the bathroom creaked open and you stood ready for your turn, but Sam stepping out bare save for the towel slung low at his hips and dripping wet made your heart all but stop beating. Little beads of water rolled down the long graceful lines of his throat into his chest hair, and down the length of his stomach to his navel where the thin trail of dark hair led your eyes to the towel covering parts you were most curious about. A whimper caught in the back of your throat as blood rushed to your cheeks. Who gave him the right?

“Hey, find out anything interesting?” He asked, as if he wasn’t standing in front of you mostly naked. As if he wasn’t the most distracting thing you’d ever seen in your life. The only other time you could recall being so flustered you forgot how to word was after a workout, entire body glistening with sweat. You’d never wanted to lick the sweat off of someone’s throat before, so that was a first for you.

“Uh-huh…” You murmured, more than anything in the entire world you wanted to yank that towel away. And you could, all you had to do was just reach out, and grab it.

“Uh-huh? Plan on sharing with the class?” Sam suggested. You’d been staring just a little too long. Blinking back to reality you twisted up your face in apathetic sarcasm.

“Maybe once you put some clothes on.” You scoffed, as you grabbed your things and walked to the bathroom for an ice cold shower. Sam only watched you move about. The shift in your demeanor leaving him vexed, and a little offended. Convincing yourself that you were unbothered by him just standing there, all golden and firm, and damp, begging you to run your fingertips over miles of rolling, taut muscle. Jesus, get a hold of yourself, Y/n. Denial was your only saving grace, and you’d put your faith in the fact that you could just deny everything. That look you were giving him? It’s nothing, you couldn’t care less how naked he was. Why are you blushing? It’s hot in the room! Why are you so flustered? Because!

The water from the shower was ice cold and made you nearly jump out of your skin, but the shock certainly helped to sweep away the filthy thoughts about Sam that were on near constant replay. Honestly, it was just getting to be a tad ridiculous. You didn’t have this problem any other day of the week. Then again any other day of the week you had Dean ever present as a buffer, and a pretty solid cock block.

Every time you got close, like the night you and Sam drank an entire handle of bourbon. There was something in the texts you had in your lap that was just a little too unfamiliar for you to translate, so he leaned over your shoulders to help. Sam’s massive frame enveloping yours and drowning you in the rich smell of him, and the heat that practically vibrated off his body. The sharp line of his jaw tempting you like the mirage of an oasis in a vast desert. It would have taken nothing for you to trace your lips along the column of his throat, and with as much liquid courage as you’d imbibed it was just a matter of time. When he turned those hazel eyes to you, like sunflowers against an overcast sky, all bets were off, and you were ready to take the chance. He didn’t pull away as you leaned in, as if he had been waiting as long as you had.

Then Dean practically kicked in the heavy metal door at the top of the staircase, drunk and belting out lyrics to Walk This Way by Aerosmith. You and Sam separated like repelling magnets, the moment was washed away like it never happened.

Every. Single. Time. It was like he had an uncanny radar for when the two of you inched just a little too close together and he’d pop out of the bushes and absolutely obliterate the mood. More often than not you would be grateful for it. It helped keep things as they should be. Platonic, and professional. No reason to let a drunken mistake change anything.

The difference was that Dean wasn’t around to be neutral zone, and you didn’t have a separate room to retreat to when Sam’s presence was a little too intoxicating. You weren’t even through the first day yet, and already your willpower was faltering.

With a heaving sigh you tightened the towel around your chest and sifted through your clothes only to find your panties not where they should have been. Poking your head out the door you turned eyes to the floor where you might have dropped them.

“Looking for these?” Sam asked, seated at a table in front of one of the windows, your black lacy panties hanging from his fingers. Your whole face burned redhot, as you slipped out of the bathroom and walked over to snatch them from his hand. If he could capture that look on your face on video he’d replay it forever. A sly grin creased the dimple in his cheek as you took back your undergarment and hid away back in the bathroom without so much as a word. The thought to keep your panties had crossed his mind, especially since they were not quite what he had expected. These were sexy and though he had no doubts that no matter your choice of underwear it would be rousing, these were deliberately so. And he wanted you to know that he’d seen them, and held that satiny material in his hands. On the chance that you were wearing them to  appeal to your handsome, newfound friend, Sam wanted you to think of him instead. There was plenty of opportunity for him to pocket them later, after you’d worn them.

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[nochanchu]

tumblr’s being an ass but here’s a Thing™️ called “even now (i’ll still love you)” that i started in july.

pairing: park chanyeol x reader

genre: college + fwb to lovers

description: For years, you’ve known you could love him, and he you. But humans are fickle, you believe, and these feelings will fade. He, on the other hand, wants to prove you wrong.

/

You run where love is concerned. You run far, and hope that whatever you’ve left behind stays back there, because love is absolutely terrifying.

You experienced it once, well, twice before. But the first time teaches you that forcing love is never the answer. You can’t expect the fairytale love story the first time around, or ever, really, because it doesn’t exist. You learned back then that love was acting like everything was okay and hoping that he wouldn’t leave you again just because he found something better, or as he said before, nicer.

The second time is, for the lack of a better word, unrequited. Yes, it’s a cliché. The worst of them all. But it’s still real to you. For the first time since that other guy—the stupid one who leaves you behind for a different place and a different girl—you feel like you’ve done something out of your own volition. You’re elated to tell him, thinking that when you do, you’ll have a happy ending, and all that you once feared, that you knew would happen all along would just be silly thoughts that would mean nothing later. But, you were right to think that he would break your heart. Because this time he’s the one who isn’t ready.

There’s a third time, too. But it doesn’t (shouldn’t) count, because you never gave it a chance to begin anyway. You figured it would only hurt you more to have him in your life when he was with someone else. You felt what could’ve been, knew what was there, because your gut is never wrong, and that’s exactly why you cut him out before he can think twice about you and what your relationship really was, whether that was a friendship or something more. You ran then, and you’re still running now.

/

You meet Park Chanyeol in a writing class your first year in college.

Apparently, he’s the same age as you, just too handsome for his own good and a Music major with more to his arsenal than a few chords on a guitar. He almost reminds you of a past boyfriend that played and wrote a song about you after your break-up, but Chanyeol’s far more handsome and way less douche-y, even for a fraternity pledge.

What strikes you isn’t his features, though they’re a great bonus to his overall being, it’s the fact that he talks to you about your work in the least superficial way possible. You’ve heard a lot of “that was so good” to “I don’t even know where to begin” that when he approaches you after class, you’re almost certain that he’s going to add a tally mark into the two. Instead he stops and asks about the concept you used about the Erasers, something you’ve been developing since high school, a silly one at that. His eyes glow, however, and you can’t help but follow each syllable with a slack jaw.

“Did I say something stupid?” he asks, immediately taken aback. It takes all but a moment for you to shake your head and smile sheepishly, because of course you’d be an idiot in front of the one person that has shown genuine interest in your work besides the professor. “It’s okay if I did, just tell me and I’ll stop embarrassing myself.”

“No, seriously, you didn’t,” you reassure him, hoping your smile disarms the shift of uncertainty in his eyes. “I was just impressed, I guess. I haven’t had someone talk to me about that archaic thing since my best friend, and Professor Williams.”

It works, at least, and he lets out a relieved sigh. “Good, good. But, seriously, what made you think of them? Giving humans a chance to forget their heartbreak… it’s so appealing.”

You laugh and give a nod, “Yeah, I know. It really appealed to high school sophomore me when—okay, well, not to get all personal—I was recovering from a broken heart, so that’s the big, top secret. It was a way of me coping and I don’t know I just liked the idea of forgetting.”

“Not a fan of love, I’m guessing?” he asks, still holding his printed copy of the story. There are annotations scribbled all over the piece, but not too many in the proofreading department as far as you could tell. From the sound of it though, he actually read the story, and that makes you a lot happier than when you entered the classroom and prepared for the worst.

“Eh,” you say, giving a shrug. “How’d you figure?”

“A lot of our own work tends to reflect some parts of ourselves, even if we like or don’t like them.” He hands you the document, but not before making sure the stack is perfectly aligned and organized, unlike the others you have to sift through before you can leave, not that you’re in much of a rush now. “And, I kinda just guessed.”

“And, here I was afraid that I had ‘I hate love’ written all across my face, again.”

He snorts, taking it upon himself to organize the papers you hadn’t gotten to. “No, but the tone of the story just sounded… bittersweet. Like, as happy as it’s supposed to be, it makes me think you wanted to head somewhere else with the story.”

You hum in affirmation as you accept the stack he hands you. His hands are warm and solid, you note very briefly.

“Really?” he asks, sounding a lot more surprised than you expected.

“Yeah, you’re not wrong. I was implying that the Erasers are dying out because of this girl, the one outlier to their entire system; all because she wants to take on this burden of living with her heart split in two for the rest of her life.”

“Isn’t her heart healing though? Or,” he gasps, “does it never become whole?”

“Guilty?” you say, shrugging on your backpack while he simply waits to start walking until you’re ready. It’s odd how easy this feels, but you can’t find a reason to care when he shakes his head vigorously at you. “What?”

“You’re brilliant, but oh-so-cruel,” he responds and then sniffs. The gesture makes you laugh again, and at that, he breaks out into a grin. “Seriously, that’s so… hm… inventive. I still can’t believe you conceptualized that and wrote that story on it and everything. All without watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, too.”

“Thank you, but hey! To be fair, I’ve heard the title from time to time, but I never took the time to Google it and Wikipedia what happens or anything.” After a pause, you ask, “They’re not too similar, right?”

“I shouldn’t say,” he answers, tapping his chin. “You’d know if you watched it.”

You frown a little, deciding that whenever you have a chance, then maybe you really should watch it.

The feigned look of indifference washes away from Chanyeol’s visage and he laughs while shaking his head. “Nah, they’re not too similar, Just the concept of forgetting being a choice. I’d still recommend it, though. The movie’s a masterpiece.” He adds a little too quickly, probably afraid that he’s imposing too much on you about his personal tastes, “You don’t have to though! Only if you wanna, otherwise I’m not trying to force you or anything…”

As he scratches the back of his head, you smile at him and mean every word of your response. “Then, I must. I’m always a sucker for a good movie.”

He looks visibly relieved, smiling broadly back at you.

[shankmeharder]

Daily Goodie Box(free and full of treats)

Daily Goodie Box is a lovely service that, once you sign up for it, awards free goodie boxes(a new box every month) to its subscribers. The best way to get picked for a free box is to be active on their social media and generally be very open with your opinions. After doing just that, I was awarded one for this month. Now one of the great things about this box, is that (as they love to remind you)  It's more than just Free Samples! The fullsize products they include(in addition to a couple sample size ones) allow you to make the fullest use of the product and really see if you like it, and want to add it to your routine,kitchen, or cleaning roster. I’ve decided to put my own assessment out there and after a week of testing, the reviews are in. The links for each product, or their brand website, are listed below their respective reviews.

Starting with the snacks.

First we have Sweet Potato Puffs by Spudsy in the Crunchy Cinnamon Variety.Now these I can see being a bit polarizing. First bite is not a great indicator for potential. You get a puff of cinnamon that slowly cedes the stage to the texture which is a bit like a rice puff but a tad less springy, not necessarily super appealing. However, in the spirit of giving it a fair shake, I gave it another go. By the fourth (tiny) puff, I was actually pretty delighted with them. They are not overly sweet, they don’t have any kind of unfortunate aftertaste, and it becomes easy to go through them.My daughter and  I finished the teeny sample bag before i knew it, and were a bit crestfallen when we realized it. I would definitely recommend these as a toddler or childrens’ snack, as they do remind me a bit of those other very popular puffs and may provide a similar and appealing texture to the young ones.I know my Bean was absolutely enamored of them. https://spudsy.com/collections/sweet-potato-puffs

Next, we have the Gluten-Free Granola by Bakery on Main. This is the Cranberry Almond Maple variety, and let me tell you, I did not have high hopes for this product. I am not a huge granola person, a lot of them are too sugary or too dry and they just don’t appeal. This blew me out of the water. The maple flavor is very present but it doesn’t overwhelm everything. The bean crisps were a wild card for me and I found them delightful, just enough crunch and chew, and they were complimented very well by the tart dried cranberries. The almonds and seeds are lovely, nothing to write home about, but exactly what you would hope for in the Granola/ Trail mix hybrid. My only fuss, I wouldn’t mind a slightly higher cranberry to bean crisp ratio. This is honestly delightful, and the 1.1 oz bag is actually the perfect size for a quick snack on the go, or a little workout energy boost. https://bakeryonmain.com/shop/cranberry-almond-maple-granola/

Now on to the tea

For our beverage offering we have Tipson tea in, Honey&Lemon Matcha Infusion. I will cop to the fact that I tend to be more of a coffee person, but lately I’ve been trying to cut back, drink more water, drink more tea. However, I am a sucker for homey and lemon, so this was providence. I’m not the biggest Matcha fan, but again, I give everything its fair trial before i pass a verdict. I brewed a cup to have with our previously mentioned snacks. The tea is definitely lemony, probably one of the most overtly fruit flavored teas, short of something pre-chilled and sold in a tall can, that I’ve ever had.The honey, however, loses its way and is hard to taste behind all that lemon. The matcha, being that this is a “matcha infusion” is also pretty hard to get, which is fine with me. I prefer subtle matcha. After my initial taste, I fixed it the way I normally fix my tea, with milk and (extra) honey, and it was lovely. I would recommend using honey if you want to taste it, but it is a lovely tea, nonetheless, and I’ll be enjoying each of my twenty-four remaining cups. https://www.amazon.com/tipson

First up in health and beauty is the face mask.

Here is the detoxifying peel mask by Que Bella. I’ve made it no secret that this is the item I was most excited to try. On opening the packet, it seemed there was not an overabundance of product, and I feared I might have to use both packets for one mask. My fears were mostly allayed, when one packet proved to be just enough for one layer. The smell of the mask is quite pleasant, not overwhelming, in fact you become used to it quite quickly. The consistency is a bit thinner than I was expecting, but I smeared it on and geared up for the slightly painful peeling to come. The mask started to tighten within about three minutes of finishing the application, and it was lovely to sit in front of the fan with it on, like sticking your face into a cool mountain spring. I opted to wait the twenty-five minutes it suggests on the package, as I am the type of person that will keep poking and prodding and checking to see if it’s dry, unless I rein myself in.The peeling was not nearly as painful as some of the others I have tried, but i attribute that in part to my artful avoidance of my hairline, and how very thin the mask was. It was also quite a quick ordeal, and none of my peach fuzz got yanked out, so I call that a win. Upon removal, my cheeks continued feeling the “mountain spring” sensation for quite a while, probably fifteen minutes or so. My cheeks were noticeably smoother, as was my nose. My skin didn’t redden excessively, or puff up like I’d  been stung, so on all accounts, I’d give this mask two thumbs up. https://www.quebellabeauty.com/product-page/que-bella-professional-detoxifying-intense-black-peel-off-mask

In our health selection, this month we were sent Napz, a drug free, non-habit forming, sleep aid. To preface this review, I am a nocturnal hermit gremlin and I almost never fall asleep before 3 a.m. In my (almost) week of usage, I found these were better for kicking my butt in the last hour before succumbing, than forcing myself into premature sleep. They do create a subtle drowsiness, but like most herbal remedies and aids, I think you must be very receptive to it, and do what you can to maximize its efficacy. The directions recommend taking an hour before desired bed time for best results. On the nights when i took it at midnight I did fall asleep 1 to 2 hours earlier. But taking it any earlier than that did me no good, as I just was not close enough to sleep. Would I recommend this to an insomniac, or someone with a preternaturally screwy circadian rhythms like me? Probably not, at least not in an attempt to “normalize” a sleep schedule. Would I recommend this to someone trying to get an extra hour before exams, or even just for relaxation? Hell yes! https://www.napz.com/

This month we were provided with QuickStop! bandages by Curad. Wooo bandages! No sarcasm, I go through these like no ones business. Between blood thinners, a compulsion to pick my fingers, and an adventurous toddler, I constantly have plasters on, and my daughter goes through a couple a week. They are usually some cute design that I either bleed through, or that falls off within an hour, so anything that claims to stop bleeding faster, and stay on my damn fingers/toes/elbow/daughters knees. is a beacon of hope for me and my blood-stained button-ups. Now these were a interesting test, as I literally had to wait for myself to bleed, and like a watched pot, my finger refused to boil-I mean- you know what I mean. Yesterday I finally had an excuse to use them, oddly enough on a paper cut, and a needle prick. Apparently my self control was great this week, probably because I was thinking about it so much. Now when one is on blood thinners, they bleed a bit longer and a bit more than usual. Typically we are just instructed to apply more pressure and be patient, but if I get cut while dealing with a crying toddler (as is my luck) I may not have a free hand to apply pressure while trying to prevent a nuclear meltdown. Indeed, I didn’t need one. It was story time before bed, she was fussing and fighting sleep with the best of them, and wouldn’t you know it, my finger slips and I get a massive, (honestly, a little scary) deep, paper cut on my thumb. The Bean sees this and starts to cry more because Baba/Mama is bleeding and oh my gosh this is terrible. I pull a bandage out of my stash in her dresser and pop it on. No bleeding through, no leakage, immediately my thumb is story ready and suddenly there is no more reason to cry because “ooo mommy, what’s this?”.Despite her best efforts she couldn’t tear it off, and I got a toddler to bed without getting blood all over the sheets. Win-Win. The needle prick was less dire, but it happened while sewing a teddy bear up last night, and it lasted through my tossing sleep, and all this typing, so, again, I’ll call it a win.  http://curad.com/quick-stop/

Pertaining to health and hygiene, the goodie box bestowed upon us...an oral rinse? I’m game, in fact I was sort of looking forward to this one, as I’ve just changed toothpastes and was considering adding another component to my routine. I don’t particularly care about the whitening aspect but on all other accounts I’d like to have a good rinse in my arsenal. This is unfortunately not it, at least not for me. It is described as “peppermint” but it more of a lemongrass/torture flavor. There is no tingle or sensation of freshness that comes with it, in fact it makes me want to rinse my mouth with something stronger. After a week of usage with my brushing routine(evenings only for this product) I did not notice a change in whiteness, and there seemed to be no breath freshening component, my toothpaste was pulling all the weight there. Maybe to someone who follows the “pristine protocol” with the recommended line of products, this would be useful. However, just throwing this into your routine, as far as I can tell, will not cause a noticeable change in dental hygiene or emotional fulfillment.  https://essentialoxygen.com/products/organic-brushing-rinse/

Last on our list of goodies we have our only household item.

Ode to Clean cleansing wipes. These are billed as “all-purpose” wipes and claim to be skin safe and cruelty free, so what do i have to lose? Answer? Maybe my old wipes. I love these, I have finicky skin, I can’t get poison ivy, but i can get chemical burns from a couple drops of gasoline. So I never know what I’m in for with “skin safe” products. In this case, no reaction to be recorded. No welts, hives, rashes, etc. I tried them out on dried liquids, liquefied solids, and even some caked on semi-solids (I have a toddler, a lot of messes get made). They work like a dream. The scent is a bit citrus-y and a bit herbal, certainly not bad, but also not what you might be used to. They don’t leave behind too much of the scent, which is just fine with me, and they take all the mess with them, too. The only downside? I don’t have a full pack of them. 

https://odetoclean.com/products/ode-to-clean-wipes

Well there you have it, July’s Daily Goodie Box in a nutshell. If you would like the opportunity to to be awarded a future box with more full and sample size goodies, simply sign up at dailygoodiebox.com and start making yourself heard on their social media. They give out tons of boxes every day, you could get one next.

Have a great day, my little void children.

[drewsdailydose]

10 Things I Love About Diabetes

When I was first diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, I honestly hated everything about. I’m not going to pretend that I’ve never had a problem with it. But over time, it has taught me so many invaluable lessons and has helped me become the person I am today: a happy and healthy guy thriving with diabetes. I’ve not only accepted living with diabetes, but I’ve also learned to love it and manage it so that it doesn’t manage me. So, I decided to put together a list of all the things that diabetes has given me. Here it is...

1. Diabetes Taught Me How to Turn Adversity Into Opportunity


Adversity is inevitable. We are all going to experience varying degrees of it throughout our lifetime. How you respond to adversity is ultimately what defines you. You can either let it destroy you or you can use it to fuel growth. Overcoming adversity is one of the greatest achievements in a person’s life. Adversity comes in all shapes and sizes: Disease, physical challenges, financial, relationships, etc. It doesn’t discriminate. Adversity is a powerful tool that should be embraced. Do not fear it. Respect it. Realise that it can take you to wonderful places once you conquer it. When obstacles become a part of the plan, you will always be able to thrive in the face of adversity. - 
"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor."

2. Diabetes Improved My Fitness

It’s no secret that a huge part of my diabetes management (and one of my five pillars) is exercise. I move my body in a different way every day as part of my management strategy. As a result of the sheer volume of training that I do, I’m in the best physical shape of my life. I’m the most athletic (and as a nice byproduct the most aesthetic) that I’ve ever been thanks to diabetes.


3. Diabetes Strengthened My Mind


To me, nothing is more impressive and attractive than mental fortitude. A strong mind, when accompanied by a strong body, is a lethal combination. Diabetes can give you both of those things if you let it. The mental strength required to not only deal with being diagnosed with diabetes but to manage, control and thrive with diabetes on a daily basis is something I am very proud of.

4. Diabetes Improved My Understanding of Nutrition

After being diagnosed with diabetes, I made it my responsibility to learn as much as I possibly could about nutrition. I bought a food scale, downloaded a food app, and started weighing all my food and storing it in my memory bank. Now, I can eye-off a meal and calculate the individual macronutrients (protein, carbs and fat) within seconds. My understanding of nutritional medicine has improved beyond belief. I know how certain foods affect my blood sugar levels just by looking at them.


5. Diabetes Gave Me Passion, Purpose, and Direction

I can honestly say diabetes has given me more than it has taken from me. Without diabetes, I wouldn’t have founded Drew’s Daily Dose, a home that inspires people with and without diabetes to lead a happy and healthy life. I know exactly what I’m here for and what I want to achieve in my lifetime. I know it sounds weird, but I was lost before diabetes came along. Without diabetes, I have no idea what I would be doing with my career. I truly don’t. 


6. Diabetes Taught Me What it Really Means to be Healthy and Happy

I know it sounds crazy, but I can honestly say that I'm happier and healthier today with diabetes than I was before my diagnosis. Health is not merely the absence of disease. It has to be holistic. It’s about feeling good in your skin, having endless energy, being fit, having a healthy gut, sleeping well, being injury free and free from other physiological complications. I've learnt things about biochemistry that I would never have known otherwise. I’ve learnt how to build muscle and burn fat effectively. I've discovered which food groups affect my blood sugar levels. I’ve discovered ways to improve my insulin sensitivity and ultimately reduce my overall insulin requirements. The list goes on. Most importantly, I’m doing my best to prevent other diseases from manifesting down the track. 
 To be happy doesn’t mean to take the easy road, free from pain, struggle and difficulties. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Happiness is a byproduct of conquering obstacles. When you're faced with something difficult and you conquer it, you come away with a sense of empowerment and fulfilment which can never be taken away from you. You'll be able to take that sense of accomplishment with you forever as another weapon to add to your arsenal which you can rely on when the time calls for it.

7. Diabetes Taught Me How to Accept Imperfections

I used to be obsessed with doing everything possible to be the healthiest version of myself. Well, I still am. But the difference is, I no longer beat myself up if I fall short. For example, some days my blood sugar levels are higher than desired but it doesn’t get me down anymore. I accept it and take responsibility for my next actions to ultimately solve the problem. If I miss a workout or eat something that I shouldn’t have, I bounce back without any guilt or self-hate. I’m ok with being imperfect. 


8. Diabetes Taught Me That Exercise Is Medicine


On the day I was diagnosed with diabetes, I learnt the most valuable lesson that I will probably ever take away from this whole ordeal: Exercise. Is. Medicine. If you want to hear about my experience with exercise as a form of medicine that we can freely and happily administer to ourselves, read this post! It’s also the reason why I didn’t end up in hospital at diagnosis. It’s also the reason I was able to reduce my insulin requirements by nearly 70%. Exercise is the single most important tool and one that I use the most frequently to maintain such tight blood sugar control. Without it - I’d be lost. 


9. Diabetes Inspired Me to Write a Song


Before I was diagnosed with diabetes I wanted to have a career as a singer-songwriter. Diabetes was certainly a setback that halted my dreams of becoming a performing artist, but later on, it turned out to be the thing that inspired me to write and record one of the best pieces of music I have ever produced. I put all of the emotions that I was feeling around the time of my diagnosis into song-form: sadness, grief, despair, heartbreak, strength, courage, and resilience all feature in the song’s mood. It has become the soundtrack of my life. If you want to hear it, follow my music page on Instagram to hear when it drops.

10. Diabetes Motivates Me to Make The Most Out of Every Moment

When your health gets taken away from you and it feels like your life is over, that's when you get a reality check about what really matters. Diabetes was certainly my wake-up call that life is more fragile than I thought and that I am far from invincible. It let me know very quickly that I need to take control and responsibility for my health going forward. It really put life into perspective. Nowadays, I take nothing for granted. Be it a morning swim, a meal, a coffee, or a workout - 
l enjoy it with every fibre of my being.

On that note, I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes of all time and one that really resonates with me:

“Enjoy the little things in life because one day you’ll look back and realise they were the big things”

Thanks for reading. I truly hope this post can help you to become a happier and healthier version of yourself. Keep an eye out for my next post: 10 Things I Hate About Diabetes. If you haven’t already subscribed to my newsletter, sign up below to be the first to know when new articles go up.

Related articles: - Top 5 Diabetes Myths Debunked - How to Build a Healthy Relationship With Diabetes - A Letter To My Diabetes

[abstractanalogue]

Lexicon of Sound review & interview

As I was trying to listen to hypnagogia by Dublin’s Lexicon of Sound it struck me how revolutionary it is to be making ambient music these days. This is an album that has to be listened to without distractions, preferably on your own, on reasonable speakers and in a comfortable room. Not as I at first impatiently tried to do in the car rushing to work, changing back and forth to the latest news on Morning Ireland while skipping around the CD. Also, sadly for me not on the LOS Bandcamp page either as this entailed computer speakers and other pages open on my browser to pull my attention away. The world we live in is fast and we need to do a lot to keep up, to switch off (something I normally do in nature) is essential of course and this album offers you that chance too if you give it the time and respect it deserves.

hypnagogia is actually Colm Fitzpatrick's fifth album since he began to use this as a moniker in 2018. I've interviewed him below and I'm so glad I contacted him directly as I needed to get a sense of who the person is behind this very pure music. I had come across his music before but really this was just his bass playing in The Sewing Room. In fact I wrote a piece about them for AA here. I kind of knew he had been in Hey Paulette in the 1980s but this was really before my time. He has also been involved with Villa R and I Am The Waltons, two bands I'm actually not familiar with.

It seems like Lexicon of Sound is the music he has wanted to make his whole life and I'm very glad he has reached that goal. I want to incorporate a review into this piece so bear with me until you get to his own words (be sure to play the track from it above). 

Hypnagogia is the transitional state of consciousness between wakefulness and sleep which we are all familiar with, even though we might not know the term for it. One of my favourite acts Dopplereffekt have already used this as a release title so I did have an idea what the concept for the album might be. This in-between state very much makes sense (to me) on the brief opening 'The Omadon', which skews our musical expectations with its disjointed medley (from everyday life?) but reality is already behind us as 'Calling Mumba Devi' quickly envelopes us in its lush sound and we hear what might be a confused Japanese man on some kind of internal answering machine. 'Doctor Mesmer' brings us even further away from wakefulness, somewhere deep in space with tinges of Brian Eno, which is a great thing to have tinges of. A long time ago I read a book The Wizard from Vienna (1975) all about Dr. Mesmer and the hypnotic state he could put his patients in. I don't believe he was a charlatan, he just cured his patients the only way he knew how and came up with a theory that was false. 

By the time we reach the title track (the biggie at over 10 mins) it’s feeling much more oceanic and long enough to truly get lost in. 'All At Sea' might be my favourite track with it’s more optimistic rising tones. These long sustained notes hover eternally, this is the sound of forever. ‘Saint Agatha's Bells' is the only one for me that could pass as New Age but so what, play it when you next do some yoga and it will work a treat. It’s those damn Tibetan bowls, very hard to hear without thinking of a YouTube meditation video. 'Abdul's Android' is probably my second favourite and has an electronic Eastern sheen to it that sounds so modern. In a parallel universe or maybe even this one, it could be the theme tune to a future Bladerunner. 'Dark Paradise' is some kind of sinister step carefully moment just before you wake and another potentially good movie scene soundtrack. 'Exit 13' and we are almost out, a return to the confused Japanese man as guitar textures enter for the first time and it's a very beautiful thing indeed. Definitely an album for me to return to.

Where does your interest in ambient music come from?

It started in the early nineties when I was in my mid 20s. I have a terrible memory, but for some reason I have a good recollection of this. Hey Paulette had broken up a few years previously, and I was by that time playing with “I Am The Waltons” a grungy, loud alternative pop band. The singer in the band, Aiden, told me one of his favourite artists that he was listening to at the time was Harold Budd, who I had never heard of. He said I should check him out. I'm not sure how he figured I would like Harold’s music but he was right, I loved it. So it kind of grew from there. I started collecting Harold Budd’s albums and through his collaborations I discovered Brian Eno and started collecting his albums, you will see a pattern emerging here ! I moved on to Steve Roach, Tom Heasley (Ambient Trombone !)  Wendy Carlos and John Foxx amongst others. So I've been listening to that kind of music for close to 30 years I guess.

Do you miss writing in a more collaborative song based form as you did in Hey Paulette and The Sewing Room, which do you prefer?

No, I much prefer working alone. I have come to realise this over the years. When I was playing in bands all those years ago, I never thought of myself as a songwriter, and I never thought I would ever become one. The way it worked in all the bands I played in, was that the guitarist and the singer would write the songs, the rest of us (Drums, Bass, other guitarists etc) would add our piece to it, that's it. If it worked out and we all liked it we would keep it. On a rare occasion some songs would come to fruition from jamming, but it was rarely a productive way of songwriting for any of the bands I was in. Two notable exceptions to this were Drugfree from The Sewing Room, and also Fear of Parked Cars from I Am The Waltons, I remember these tracks being a true group effort.

You are already up to release number nine of LOS. Instrumental music can be tricky to edit and differentiate tracks from each other and have each album stand out.

I can get a bit defensive when people say I have released so much music in such a short time. Maybe I'm being a bit paranoid but I start thinking people are saying to themselves “It can’t be much good, he has released all this music in about one year !” and I worry that maybe they won’t take it seriously. But I'm very serious about my music. I'm usually a bit tongue in cheek about it when I talk about it on Facebook or Twitter, which does not help but that's just my personality I think. I guess this is a good opportunity to explain how I got to record and release so much music in apparently so little time. In 2017 I decided to convert my little attic in my house into a place to store my basses and gear etc. In this small house, there are myself, my wife Bernie and our son Joseph and all his toys, so space is at a premium ! By the start of 2018 I had the attic looking really good, Velux window in, wooden floor down, carpeted walls, mood lighting, nice laptop for recording, and the obligatory Persian rug. I said to myself this is a really cool little space where I can have all my gear set up permanently. 

In parallel to all this going on I knew I wanted to start writing and recording music again, I had been away from it for decades and I had a lot of ideas built up inside that I wanted to express, and building the studio only affirmed these feelings. Also going on at this time was the fact that I had taken a break from full time work, an opportunity came along and I grabbed it, it meant I had more free time on my hands. The fact that I had all my gear permanently set up now and I could escape to my little studio at any time I wanted, day or night was a real boon. All these events coming together let me be super productive and do it all at home for free. The kind of music I make lends itself to this kind of home setup, no drum kits, PA, or amps needed ! So from the Spring of 2018 I started working, and I found the ideas and sounds just flooded out, it was a great feeling. As I went along I learned more about the recording process and refined my workflow. Month by month I would buy more outboard gear, keyboards, guitars, effects etc to add to my arsenal of sound making equipment. It was in the summer of 2020 that I decided to put all I had done up to that time up on all the streaming platforms. My Nephew Daniel is a musician and he told me about Distrokid. It was a cheap, painless, easy way to get my music up on all the streaming platforms, so I went ahead and released the first 6 albums around June and July of 2020 I think. That was 2 years of solid work. I have done 1 Album and 2 EP’s since then over the last year. Lockdown has also helped in that regard.

What are you working from as a starting point with your albums/musical pieces, the sound itself or an idea? How do you know when you have strayed into 'New Age' territory or does that bother you?

It depends, sometimes I start with a word or phrase, sometimes an image, and sometimes a scenario. I think it's important to have some kind of a seed of an idea in your head before you start something new, otherwise you're wasting your time and you will flounder. I think to myself, what would this situation or place or feeling sound like ? Some of my albums are obviously thematic. Longwave came about because of my love of radio, especially AM radio. My eldest sisters used to tune in to Radio Luxembourg on a Grundig portable in the 1970s on a Friday or Saturday night while they were getting ready to go out. I remember it vividly. Later in the 80s and 90s it was my turn to tune in to BBC1 and John Peel via AM to listen to him playing Hey Paulette or The Sewing Room. The Lighthouse is another obviously thematic album stemming from my love of the sea and er…. Lighthouses ! I've always loved them and find them to be spiritual and magical places for me. If someone wants to call it New Age I don't care, I'm just happy they are listening to it.

Do you have plans to take Lexicon of Sound onto the live stage in the future?

This is a short answer, and that is no. I don't think ambient music or musical soundscapes translate well into the live environment. People will talk, go to the bar, make noise etc, it just would not work for me. I want people to hear my music in the best possible scenario, sitting down, listening to it on a CD, on a good pair of headphones. I suffer quite badly with anxiety also, so if I was to perform live any venue I would go to would not have enough toilet paper in stock to cope with my situation.

What are you using to generate your sounds, are there guitars in there? 

I try to make my sounds sound original and made from scratch, no sound I record is off the shelf. Yes, I have recently started using guitars, although I am by no means a guitarist. That is an area I have yet to venture into fully. I have 2 old 80s keyboards specifically chosen for their ease of use and the fact they also offer full control of the sound wave generated, all with real time control in the form of knobs and sliders, no scrolling through menus etc. For me, it needs to be simple and fast. The same goes for effects, I use high quality guitar pedals that offer studio quality sound but the interface needs to be fully manual, again knobs and sliders all the way, and the pedal is a perfect format for that. I have other sound generating tools in software format where you can quite radically alter any given sound or sample. I also have some other rather unusual sound generators in hardware form that are quite unique, which I have collected from boutique makers over recent years. Then I have my bass guitars of course which I rarely use actually, with the exception of tracks like Dark Paradise and Exit 13 where they are heavily effected but are the main instrument in the track.

How important is the physical format for music? What made you decide to release all LOS albums as CDs. 

The physical format is vital for me. An album is not released unless it's on CD or Vinyl as far as I'm concerned. I need to hold a physical object in my hand, and be able to look at it, keep it, and collect them.

What is next in the series/pipeline?

Next for me is a break from writing and recording to curate and promote my music. I will be releasing all albums and EP’s on CD over the next 18 months on my own label, Lighthouse Records, so that's an ongoing thing starting with this album (hypnagogia) I need to start promoting my music, getting more airplay, getting more album reviews and Interviews like this I guess. It's the one thing I have neglected up until now. I find myself looking abroad more often than not in that regard. I have always found the Irish music scene on the whole to be a bit incestuous, clicky and small to be brutally honest. I'm in the process of drawing up various kinds of lists of people and media outlets, radio stations etc around the world to send my music to. All of that is going to keep me very busy for a while. Then maybe next year, I'll start venturing up into my tiny attic studio again, and try to make some new sounds and paint a few more sonic landscapes that hopefully some people will enjoy.

You can sample and order Lexicon of Sound’s latest releases hypnagogia and Edge of the World EP and more on Bandcamp. Until 2022 he will gradually be releasing all of the LOS albums and EPs on CD on his own Lighthouse Records. Follow him on Twitter here.

[frog-chemicals]

Green, Blue, Cinnamon, Periwinkle, Blush, Indigo, Fuchsia+Copper (Yes, both of it XP), Honeydew, Coral, Umber, Razzmatazz, Arsenic, Saffron, Timberwolf, Plum, Chartreuse and Burgundy 😊💖 and a bonus, from the 'homestuck ask meme' >> John, Roxy, Dave, Karkat, Terezi, Feferi ✨

Green: I think you’re cute.:0 Thanks. I think you’re a really great person too!

Blue: You’re my Tumblr crush. KJHGSGAKDHAKYES??????

Cinnamon: You’re a really cool person and I admire you from afar.

You’re like. Really awesome too??? We should really hang out some time! Or at least talk. We probably live in totally different countries so.. Yeah!

Periwinkle: You make me laugh You’re welcome! Also same :DBlush: Seeing you on my dash makes my day a little better. I’ll literally go “CV! CV! CV!” In my head like a huge idiot whenever I see you’ve liked a post. Very mutual feeling

Indigo: I’ve been following you for a while. Yeah! We’ve been mutuals for like… 3 months? I’m pretty sure you’re one of the only people who still interacts with me after that long. Fuchsia+Copper: Your content is gold/trash (and I love it).Definitely agree on that one

Honeydew: I want to call you by a nickname. There’s no way it can be shittier than anything my irl friends have come up with. Also you seem like a way too nice person to give shitty nicknames so I’m not stopping you!

Coral: You’re a meme. 👌👌👌👌

Umber: I want to know more about youWe should totally talk sometime!

Razzmatazz: I would share my favorite food with you.I take this as a big compliment because I either have people come to eat my food during lunch (only one person has succeeded and she never brings food herself so.. Can’t let my friends starve) or I’ll try to steal the food of people’s plates during dinner

Arsenic: I don’t know how to describe the way I feel about you. Fair. I don’t know how to describe myself either. Mainly “What the hell is this” tbh. You on the other hand. I also don’t know. You’re really great though.

Saffron: I love your ideas.How. What. Which ideas? I literally can’t remember having any sort of good plans

Timberwolf: I trust you.I honestly don’t know if I should say “Horrible idea” or thank youPlum: I’d like to chat with youHell yes. Let’s do this

Chartreuse: You’re my homie. Awww yeeeee.

Burgundy:I get excited when I see your posts.If you count seeing stuff getting liked. Big same

Bonus!:

John: Do you believe in ghosts?Fuck yes. There’s been so many things that could probably have a logical explanation but “ghost” is by far the easiest.

Roxy: What’s your all time favorite video game.

Honestly I have no clue. The only games I’ve actually been able to play myself lately have been Minecraft and Hiveswap because I don’t have anything but my crappy laptop (and an iPad) that I can use to play games on and the fact my mom refuses to buy 9/10 games for me. I also watch a lot of people playing games that I can’t so I can still enjoy them so that just adds on a whole lot. Just like I’ve said about characters in a previous post everything has its ups and downs to take into consideration. Also I’m very bad at deciding on things

Dave: What’s your favorite genre of music? I don’t really listen to a lot of music but whenever I get the chance it’s a kinda mixed up soup of stuff that sounded nice. At the moment I’ve mainly been listening to stuff like gorillaz, tøp, p!atd, etc. My dad also stated the tradition of waking me up by playing music from when he was younger which has also brought some pretty cool stuff.

Karkat: What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? Probably a day? I’m usually told to go to sleep whenever it’s late so I haven’t really been able to stay up at my full extent. It’s not really a great plan to test out though…

Terezi: Do you have a strong leaning towards justice? It depends on the situation. I’ve experienced a lot of people doing stuff that isn’t fair. I guess a quick example could be one of my teachers who send out a kid because HE wasn’t keeping to the rules. That rule being everyone respects everyone. He would call kids by their last name (not standard over here) and went they asked for him not to do so. One of my friends is very touchy about his last name because of his relationship to his father and he absolutely HATES as much as hearing it. The teacher ignored their requests and told them to leave class when they objected to getting called by their last name. He wasn’t even being respectful with the last names. It was like we were prison inmates or something. In these kinds of situations screw the teachers. They might be “above” us but they still need to keep to the rules like everyone else. Now I’ve just gone on another short rant. Sorry. I’m not really sure where I was going with that anymore but in a nutshell: Justice is different in everyone’s eyes

Feferi: Do you have any pets? Yes! My cat Watson. He’s more like a brother to me in all honesty seeing how my parents got him when I was 3-ish. Also one moment he can be the sweetest cuddle buddy while the other moment he doesn’t want to know about your existence. I used to have rats but they sadly don’t live very long. I think I’ve had around 8 in total. Not at the same moment though. They were always in pairs though since rants are group animals and always need a buddy. I had a mouse named Roxy for 2 days. She was a wild mouse that I managed to catch and put in a box. Then she escaped again and made more mice in the walls. Only really mentioning this because 10 year old me already had that name in mind

[mildredbrignoni]

Hippie Chic

Moxie of a Latina storyteller 

Nobody matters more to a child's self esteem than her parents and their approval. As a Latina growing up with immigrants parents who's first language was Spanish, I was responsible for the accuracy of translating, interpreting, and understanding official financial and government documents sent to my parents.

It was not until I was 12 or 13 years old when one of my parents decided to go back to school. My heart breaks at this memory. Finally, my mother gets her high school diploma, and a college degree. My mother once told me she was encouraged by watching me study late nights, which then afforded me a degree from University California Berkeley. I remind myself from time to time that - anything worth fighting for will require focus, dedication and patience. Alas, I stand here today because of my parent's cultural identity and immigrant sacrifices.

If you thought I was going to suggest that hard work was responsible for my success, I would argue that hard work is clear to everybody with a dream. Nobody will ever be so lucky to have been handed a Pulitzer Prize. Not even nepotism can guarantee you nor your child will ever win a science award. Thus, hard work doesn't fit the formula. In other words, it goes to show that everybody has a dream, but few will be rewarded with realizing those dreams, unless you use every arsenal of your intellect, and as a matter of fact street smarts. 

Even those of us that chose to go through life with making occasional bad choices, learns that the pain of failing, then coming out the other side is completely worth the journey.

At 20 years old, I decided to follow my career in film so I moved to NYC. I grew up a beach kid, but the ability to navigate the mean streets of New York posed a challenge I couldn’t refuse.  I had no idea how difficult this would prove. When financial times got tough during cold winter months, my parents suggested to try doing something else to pay the bills, or keep figuring out how to make it happen because as they said ‘ you chose this path, and we aren’t going to help you.’ Tough love but right on point. See, they gave up their own dreams so I could fully enjoy mine. So I got my life together by teaching aerobics at health clubs in some of the fanciest gyms NYC had to offer. Apparently I was a good motivator because I was asked to appear on FX morning time fitness, a few movies playing myself as a fitness instructor and several city fitness outdoor expos, leading thousands to my routines. I even designed the costumes for a few. Seems pretty funny to me now that my side hustle brought not only additional income, but pride!

The success of this alternative profession also brought confusion. As people in the gym knew my passion was costume design, I finally got my break when a friend asked to replace him on the first Latino sketch comedy show on HBO because he was unavailable. I was forced to choose either fitness or film/television. Soon I would have several movies, commercials and fashion credits under my belt. Financially, I was doing pretty good but I hadn’t figured out how to invest my money well. I asked my parents for advice, but their responses couldn't be so different. My dad was mortified and embarrassed that I had that much in my bank account and he would only ever earn that in one year. My mother, on the other hand, sighed and froze in silence. She then slowly said 'I'm so proud of you, but I don't know how to help because your father took care of the money.'..suggesting I go to the bank and ask them for help. At that time I felt sorry for them, but also for myself for not having the support of parents to lean on. I thought most other young adults Americans had that luxury. I was 27 and had broken the glass ceiling in my parents eyes. I, on the other hand made terrible financial decisions alone. Spending my earnings on dinners, shoes and living off of it for the next year until it was all gone. And, with this money now spent, I was left to think creatively as to how I would get myself stable again. I thought hard about what I had that most other young professionals didn’t.  I asked myself - was I talented? Yes, but so is everybody else.  Was I different?  Yes, but so was everybody else.  What did I have that others didn’t?  No net.  Meaning I didn’t have a fall back plan.  I was now accepting that I had failed to see consequence again. That now, I was going to have to rely on all my marketing tools I used for my movie's costume marketing budget. Finally, I would pivot my design talents to marketing myself as I always had in positioning those luxury designers to celebrities on film. Now I would point to myself as the brand. 

I became a walking and talking marketing expert on fashion for film.  Taking it a step beyond what other stylist and designers had previously attempted, I designed promotional cards that looked like a mini magazines.  It was unique - like me.  I had been able to channel my work on alternative forms of fashion product placement, and made myself known as a fashion marketer and designer.  Even at the expense of being copied, I let the competition do it because to them - I had the good idea, and I was a cool/ relevant. This was flattering. My parents did not understand why I had to spend my money to sell myself and instead cried out that I should get a real job. The reality for me was that I was not about to give up because I was worth my own investment. It would eventually pay off in more ways than money.

Shame-I never told anyone about this until now publicly acknowledging it because I had thought about how being the representative of an immigrant cultural identity crisis is difficult and it may not be received as grateful.  I do not feel sorry for myself now. However, unless you are a first generation American, here in the states, you may have a hard time understanding how much the status of one's own, or generational immigration status puts on ones self worth. It encapsulates ones burden to the family, and adds an enormous pressure to not make any mistakes.

It wasn’t because I felt sorry for myself that I got myself out of the disaster I put myself in, nor was it because I lacked the skill to make it better. it was moxie that took me to new levels of my hustle by insisting I too was relevant.  

They say the banks were given a get out of jail free card in the housing collapse of 2008 because they were too big to allow to fail, and I say an entrepreneur is too little to fail.  The critical situation for most of us entrepreneurs is that we have a responsibility to stay relevant. It forces us to choose whether our creativity and ideas merits another's financial support, or stay as lean startups. We ask ourselves constantly - what is it going to take to break out of debt and into financial freedom? Are we the person we are meant to be? Should we keep going in hopes that someone will believe in our ideas? Of course, but only the strong survive. We just have to wait our turn. Everybody's number comes, but we just have to be ready for it to be called. 

My Reco - Do things that keep your ideas and creativity fresh. Read, watch movies, and share... (as I am ). Don't beat yourself up all the time ( that’s a hard one) by letting your circumstance control you and give up.  Find strength in group chats, or meditation.  Tap into resources that help your self esteem. I am religiously devoted to practicing yoga because I find it makes me a balanced happy hip hippie chic.

And, If you need a good cry, cry! Don't feel bad for being emotional. Allow yourself a limited time too. I do not listen to others if they tell me to stop crying. They may not know how they would handle it if they were in your position, or they don’t like confrontation of truth. This is your truth - expressed through the manifestation of your physical expression.  And sometimes truth is painful to tap into. 

Ask - If more money were the solution to an immigrant entrepreneur to survive business, then - why aren't more people and companies helping us to reach the level of success by becoming a patron of our e-commerce sites, buying our organic produce at farmers markets and hiring us on film sets? As much as people are pinching pennies as gas prices go up, the Chinese tariff sanctions are exploding, we entrepreneurs need to be rewarded, however we also have a duty to reward our immigrant communities with reciprocity.  Ask the very people that love us most- maybe not our parents, but friends, government programs and those in your culture.  Suggest that it is important to help us. We then have to love ourselves more by surrounding ourselves with believers and people that will tell us that your idea kinda sucks, and should fix it. Does my idea need help? 

While most of you may not agree, we are only as strong our supporters.  I learned early to not give up because eventually someone will give you a chance.  Even if my parents didn’t understand, they were probably just afraid of my failing because they couldn’t help me.  But - I had to fail then, and I fail now. I always got up because I always listened to my intuition and stayed focus.  I maybe a digital nomad, writer, costume designer, social strategist and other slashes I haven’t realized yet, but it didn’t detour my focus, it means I can hustle.  I can do these skills myself now and oversee my team, or not hire a team at all.  People have criticized me for having too many slashes in my title. I say, I am an excellent designer, marketer, writer, idea maker and strategist not right for everybody, but that makes me a great storyteller.  I just added more skills to my arsenal.  

Creating opportunity - Still working towards the goal, I am making new ones, because I have to brave if not for myself but for my culture. I step out again, and again with new ideas in technology and marketing, and still find myself hippie chic costume designer and wannabe filmmaker because I already lived through the hardest critics - my culture. 

A Latina is supposed to be brave, but it is a dichotomy We are taught to be safe and do what our husbands want us to do. When I go for another / (slash) in my title it's because I can do it better than someone else, because I pick and choose what my cultural wants to self identify with. I am not afraid to be too small to fail. I have couch surfed, travelled through scary boarders by bus while criminals in Central America were attempting to steal my American passport, and I am still standing.

The past - I listened to those words that my parents spoke years ago when I decided to take a challenge with foreseen consequences.  It was painful but worth it. I make no apologies to anyone including my culture. Because of my fierceness, I am a SoCal native/ New Yorker /Digital Nomad / Hippie Chic with an exceptional education, stand out delivery for creativity and my personal growth are all attributes of my Latina-ness.  

[openupblackwidow]

The Suns of Gunshots Ch. 6

Fandom: BTS Characters: Reader & BTS--Jimin, Yoongi, Jungkook, Namjoon Genre: Thriller Rating: E for Everyone (see linked chapters below for other chapter ratings) Length: 2244 Words Summary: After being saved by your friends, you find yourself swept up in a whirlwind of an unwanted adventure on Purge night.  Author’s Notes: Please be aware that chapters of this story may contain mature content (mostly violence), as it is a Purge related fanfic. It could potentially trigger some people, so please proceed with caution. This is my first time writing something with a lot of action and something dark like this as I normally write fluff. All feedback is greatly appreciated and welcome, within reason (don’t just tell me you hated it without giving something constructive that I can work with).

Chapter One (M/TW) | Chapter Two (E) | Chapter Three (E) | Chapter Four (M/TW) | Chapter Five (M/TW) | Interlude (E)  

Dust kicked up behind the motorcycle as I clung to the body facing mine. All the work we’d put in that morning had sweat dripping down my face like a leaky faucet. It probably didn’t help that the helmet felt tight and suffocating, and my hair was down since a pony tail wouldn’t fit inside. I was exhausted and in dire need of a shower followed by a nap, especially if I was going to be of any use to the rest of the gang tonight.

When the announcement had come out that the Purge would become bi-annual, we’d all agreed our most important goal now was to help people. We’d all tried to sit through university classes, we’d tried to study, but it wasn’t happening. One by one, we all pulled out. Our jobs were easy enough to focus on throughout the day and paid good enough for the eight of us to cover bills and necessities.

Our downtime was spent planning and preparing. We went out to black markets and pawn shops looking for weapons to add to our arsenal. Maps of the city were spread out over tables and scribbled on. We searched for escape routes, potential hiding places, meet up points, and where our rival gang--they call themselves The Eliminators, how original--could possibly have their headquarters.

The Eliminators stood the biggest threat to our own group. We’d spent half the Spring Purge running from and firing at them. Part of the gang had gone so far as to burn down the apartment building the boys had been living in. I didn’t really understand how the rivalry had come to be, not yet anyway. It was clear there was some history between the two groups. I had my guesses, but I dared not ask, not when it was obvious just the brief mention of them filled the others with fiery rage.

When we weren’t scouring over maps or shopping for what would usually be considered contraband--okay so it still is but how else do you prepare for Purge Night--we were training. Let me rephrase that, they were training me.

Like now.

The bike skidded to a stop and I loosened my grip from around the body with me. The bow and arrows were handed off and I reached up to remove the helmet from my head. In the fantasyland in my mind, my hair would whip around, catching a ray of sun and making me look glorious after the training session I’d just completed--and might I add completed it with flying colors.

Instead, the helmet came off with a squelching sound and hair stuck to the back of my neck and ears. I could see my reflection in the visor of my partner in crime and cringed at the sight of strands sticking up all crinkled and angry, and there was an obvious crease where the hair had been sticking out of my helmet. Top that off with the glistening from the sweat on my face and even I was backing away with a mortified expression.

“Are you gonna get off sometime today?” came the deep, completely unimpressed voice from the other helmet.

Yoongi raised the visor and stared at me impatiently. He didn’t have to tell me twice. His expression had me scrambling to my feet, stumbling as one foot landed on the ground and the other lagged too long behind.

Lucky for me, Jimin was standing by to steady me. Despite the fact that I surely looked like a monster, he beamed and wrapped his arms around me, patting my back.

“You did so well! You’re going to be protecting all of us now instead of the other way around.”

The compliment made me feel loads better. I mean, I’m not one of those girls who likes being defenseless and helpless. True, I’m not the strongest person in the world, and I’ve been known to make some incredibly stupid mistakes--flashback to half a year ago when I was caught outside when the Purge started, among other things--but I’ve always wanted to be better. It’s always been a dream of mine to be able to kickass myself instead of watching someone do it for me.

“We should get home for a shower and rest,” Jimin happily whispered, pulling me toward the other motorcycle.

“Do I really stink that bad?”

He chuckled and shook his head. Meanwhile, Yoongi, having put up with enough of our disgusting display of sweet words, drove away in the direction of the farmhouse we all lived in.

I know what you’re thinking. How did I end up being on a motorcycle with Yoongi and not my boyfriend? Believe me, it wasn’t my first choice.

Things between Yoongi and I had gotten… well… awkward since I started seeing Jimin. If he wasn’t snarky and broody enough before, it was even worse now. I’m not like those idiots in the books who don’t know how to take clues. Okay, maybe it had taken me a little bit longer than I would have liked, but when I realized he could have feelings for me, it hurt even more.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like Yoongi. On the contrary, I think I had realized my feelings for him before the ones I had for Jimin. Don’t get me wrong, I do like Jimin. I don’t know that I’d say love. I’m not one to carelessly fling around such a strong emotion, but it’s pretty close. Yet, I also care for Yoongi… a lot.

But Jimin got to me first.

The two of us had tried to partner up. It only made sense that Jimin would want me as close as possible to look after me and honestly, I felt the same way. After last time, when he’d been shot and should have died, I wasn’t fond of the idea of being apart from him.

We had tried to make it work. The first stumbling block had come with the weapons. I could fire a gun, but I couldn’t get comfortable. The kick always made me jump in surprise and it felt far too cold in my hands. The bow and a quiver of arrows had fit much more comfortably.

From there it only made sense that the two bow people in our group should stick together in case more arrows were needed or Yoongi’s bow broke.

Jimin and I had argued that we would just ride beside Yoongi, but when we attempted the new ride position, it didn’t work. Jimin sat low on his bike, making it difficult for me to look over his shoulder to shoot at any oncoming trouble. Yoongi rode straighter and seemed able to adjust to any position with ease.

Straddling Yoongi on a bike was most definitely not ideal given our current situation.

“Yoohoo,” Jimin called, waving a hand in front of my face.

I blinked away the image of Yoongi riding off and looked at the man beside me. He plopped an open faced helmet on my head and together we retreated back to our home.

Soft knocks jolted me from slumber. The sun was fading away, peeking between blinds that must have been drawn when I was asleep.

“Yeah?” I called groggily.

The door cracked open and Jungkook stuck his head around the wooden barrier to look at me.

“It’s time to get ready,” he whispered, though I couldn’t figure out why since I was awake now.

I nodded my head, rubbing my eyes and my friend stepped further into the room. He sat down on the edge of the bed with a heavy sigh, followed by silence.

Lids fluttered over my eyes a few times as I processed what he was trying to do.

“Everything… okay?” I asked hesitantly, still finding it weird that he hadn’t started speaking when he’d sat down.

This time, our dark eyes met and he looked at me with a face full of worry.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay with Yoongi? Are you sure you can’t just ride with Jimin or… I don’t know… Not go with either of them? Can’t you just go with me and Taehyung instead?”

I reached out a hand and placed it on his arm with a gentle smile.

“I’ll be okay, Jungkook. Don’t worry… Unless you heard that Yoongi is planning to murder me while we’re out tonight,” I joked, trying to make light of the situation.

“I’m just… I’m worried. The Eliminators always come down the hardest on those two. It’s much easier for the rest of us to avoid them.”

The door had been opened. I couldn’t let it close again.

“Why is that? Why do they target them the most?”

Jungkook looked from me to the door. He hesitated a second until he was sure we were completely alone and turned his gaze back to me.

“Do you… Do you know what happened to Yoongi’s family?” I nodded in response, hoping my silence would encourage him to continue. “Well, after they died, that’s when our two groups formed, only…” Again, his gaze looked to the door. “Only The Eliminators sought out Yoongi first. We were all friends once. Us and them. We were friends and then we weren’t. They wanted Yoongi to join but…”

Jungkook’s words were cut off by the creaking of the door and from behind it Yoongi appeared. He didn’t look too happy and it was clear he’d overheard at least a little bit of what we’d been talking about.

“Jungkook, you’re needed downstairs.”

The bed beside me lightened considerably as he practically ran out of the room. I plucked up my courage and looked at Yoongi square in the face. Silence drifted between us and for a second, I thought there was something he may say, maybe finish the story Jungkook had been telling me. Instead, he nodded his head toward the wardrobe in my room.

“Get dressed and go downstairs. We don’t have all night.”

And with that, he disappeared down the hallway.

There was no need for makeup, but I still put on some thick, smoky eyeshadow to match my black jeans and shirt. Wanting to avoid sticky sweat hair, I pulled it into a low ponytail and grabbed the dark leather jacket from my corner chair.

Everyone was waiting for me when I finally arrived downstairs, but luckily they were too engrossed in last minute preparations to scold me for my tardiness.

“We’ll meet here if anything goes wrong. If you get attacked or hurt, go here then call out to the others using the code word,” Namjoon instructed confidently.

I peered over the shoulders of others to where the end of his finger rested. It was near my parents’ house, though I highly doubted they would be home. They’d made it a habit to escape to the middle of nowhere on Purge Night now that I was out of the house.

A mental note was made, just in case I happened to get separated from everyone else. I was still looking at the map when a soft “whoa” cut through the air.

Startled, I glanced up to see all eyes on me.

“Yeeees?” I asked, a little concerned by what I had or hadn’t done to warrant this attention.

“Okay, okay!” Jimin said, moving to stand in front of a still confused me. “Show’s over. Let’s get on the move.”

He began pushing the others toward the door and into the garage where our loaded transportation waited. When the room was finally empty, he turned to me and crossed his arms over his chest with a childish huff.

“Why did you have to dress like that?” he whined. “Why did you put on makeup? Why are your pants so tight? Why, why, why?”

His tone had changed to such a high pitched whine, I couldn’t help but snicker behind my hand.

“No time to change now. We should go,” I giggled.

His hand slipped into mine and we walked into the garage. Engines roared to life and the two vans pulled out first, with Jungkook hanging out of the passenger side window of one, waving at me.

Jimin stopped me before I reached Yoongi’s bike and pulled me close.

“Please be careful,” he whispered in my ear. “I don’t care what happens, if we get stuck, you run and get to safety. Don’t stop and help us. Do you understand?”

I understood, but that didn’t mean I would obey. I couldn’t just leave them behind in a dangerous situation and run for it. They had done so much to protect me in the spring. I would pay them back tonight and for the rest of my life if I had to.

“You worry too much,” I whispered into his neck.

He didn’t have to know I wouldn’t do what he said. It was better that he didn’t know. So I nuzzled into him and took in the scent of his skin before we parted just slightly. He placed a sweet, gentle kiss to my lips.

“Let’s go!” Yoongi called angrily, forcing us to pull apart.

I watched as Jimin got onto his bike and kicked it to life. I slipped behind Yoongi after pulling my weapon over my shoulder. The two nodded to one another and we slipped out into the night.

By the time we arrived in the city, the Purge sirens were ending their last warning wail and for a second, the silence was deafening.

[jimmyjohnsmnm]

How to Turn Your Site into an Automated Sales Machine

Want to make more sales? Of course you do.

Maybe you’re not hitting the kind of figures you want, or maybe you haven’t even made a single sale yet. Either way, you’re not selling as much as you want to be.

But why aren’t you? 

There are tons of possible reasons here, but I’m willing to bet it’s your website. Even if you have an expertly designed site, it could still be the culprit that’s stealing all your sales.

I learned this the hard way. My websites used to flat out suck and I barely got any sales. Once I started putting serious effort into my sites, my sales skyrocketed.

I tried everything. Some stuff was a huge waste. Some techniques ticked off my users. 

But I was able to find some serious long-term winners. 

While there’s no magic formula that will 10x your sales overnight, there are some best practices that will help you optimize your website to pull in the maximum amount of sales possible.

In short, you want to turn your site into an automated sales machine.

And I’m going to show you exactly how to do that.

Ready?

Setting Up Behind the Scenes With a CRM

The first thing you need is great customer relationship management (CRM) software.

A CRM helps you manage all of your current customers and leads in one place. You can communicate, track progress, and oversee all interactions without having to leave the CRM.

The reason you want to use a CRM is that it will help you generate the most amount of money out of your customers. And this is a lot easier to do than it is to acquire new customers.

When my friends at Keap reached out to let me know about their rebranding, I realized it had been a long time since I talked about how important their tool is in my arsenal.

Now, throughout the rest of this article, I’ll show you how I use Keap to grow NeilPatel.com.

But first, let me go into what it does… that way whatever solution you decide to choose, just make sure it has these features.

All-in-one Client Management

A good CRM should provide everything you need to manage your customers. You shouldn’t have to use extra software or apps to fill in the cracks.

That means your CRM should allow you to manage every interaction between you and your customers. You should be able to look at your CRM and know exactly where you are with any given client.

Here’s what it looks like when you first view your dashboard:

Having a simple, minimalistic design like this really helps cut down on the confusion that comes with managing tons of clients. There’s no second-guessing.

Take a look at the menu on the left-hand side:

Keap has taken all the ways you interact with your customers and broken them down into nine intuitive categories.

By clicking on the Contacts tab, you can see all of your clients:

By clicking on a particular client, you can see a summary of your activity with that person, including email conversations and invoice history.

This is important for me and my team as we offer multiple products and this view helps us understand where people are.

Remember, by having multiple products you can maximize your lifetime value, which then allows you to spend more money on marketing.

There’s also a separate message function that you can access by clicking on the Messages tab:

Here you can see all of your correspondence with each client. You’ll need to connect your mobile phone with the Keap app. This allows you to seamlessly switch between mobile and desktop for an efficient messaging experience.

The Tasks tab gives you a rundown of your to-do list for your clients:

You can check off each task here and easily add more by clicking the blue “Add a task” button at the top right. This way, you’ll never lose track of what you need to do.

Next is the Appointments tab, where you can set up a custom booking link to allow clients to schedule appointments with you. You choose your own availability so that clients always choose times that work for you.

This is great if you regularly have face-to-face interactions with your clients for example.

The Money tab is your one-stop-shop for all things finances. You can connect your bank to get paid in a flash and you can also manage all your invoices without any fuss.

You’re always aware of who’s paid and who hasn’t, so you don’t have to go chasing down clients one by one. You can simply send them a reminder within the interface by clicking on the specific invoice and scrolling to the bottom where there’s a reminder option:

The Broadcasts tab allows you to send out emails to your list.

Even though this isn’t standalone email software, you can still see a ton of helpful metrics by clicking on each campaign:

This feature is especially helpful for sending out emails to specific groups, like new leads or existing customers.

Next, you’ll see the Pipeline tab. This is where you build the core of your customer journey.

Once you click on the Pipeline tab, you’ll see four basic panels: new, qualifying, contacting, and negotiating. These are the stages that you’ll go through when converting a new prospect.

This is also where a lot of the automation happens that will save you tons of time and money. I’ll go into detail on this later on in the article, but for now, just remember this pipeline structure.

The Campaigns tab is a full-featured campaign manager that allows you to follow up with leads, track unpaid invoices, simplify scheduling, and much more. (You can also automate a lot of things here.)

Finally, the Reports tab helps you stay on top of your sales. Here you can also track important metrics like email engagement and campaign progression.

Take another look at all of these features. This is what I mean by all-in-one. A CRM should allow you to interact with your clients in any way you need to. You shouldn’t have to jump from software to software to create a great experience for your clients.

Now that we’ve looked at some basic elements of a good CRM, let’s look at one of the must-haves: automation.

Automation

Automation is hands down one of the most important features I look for in a CRM.

Why?

Because running a business is a lot of work, and the more you can automate, the better.

Automating is usually straightforward, but when it comes to automating client interactions, you have to be careful.

People love personal interactions, and that’s why you should do your best to deliver. If your automation is dry and corporate, your clients will notice.

So what do you do?

The trick is to personalize your automation as much as possible.

In other words, your automation should have a human touch.

If this sounds counterintuitive, I totally understand. “Personalized automation” seems like an oxymoron.

But it’s not. In fact, it works pretty well.

Take a look at this email I recently sent:

Believe it or not, this is a template.

The reason this works so well is that it doesn’t read like a template. It reads like an email I sat down and wrote myself.

Of course, you can automate way more than just emails.

Most automation actually happens behind the scenes, so you need a CRM that’s capable of seamlessly automating everything from client data to scheduling and beyond.

Let’s say I want to email a lead when they move from stage to stage in my pipeline. This is a great technique to keep leads engaged but often you have to do it manually.

With Keap, it’s simple. First I head to the Pipeline tab and find the specific lead. Then I click the gear icon and select “Configure automation.”

I now select when I want the email to trigger: either moving into or out of a stage. For this example, I’ll have it trigger when the lead moves out of the qualifying stage (where the lead currently is).

Then I select “send email” from the drop-down menu.

Now all I have to do is write the email.

Of course, you can use personalized templates here to maximize your efficiency even more. You can even personalize the email with this form by clicking on the pound sign on the right to open up the merge fields drop-down menu.

This all takes just a couple of minutes and it’s all completely contained within Keap.

See why automation is so important? It’s one of those features I can’t go without.

And I like easy automation. I’m super busy, so the easier something is, the better. I don’t want to have to go through a million menus just to shoot an email.

All of this said, there are definitely right and wrong ways to automate. You want your automation to make your business as efficient as possible and that means creating dependable processes that you can repeat without even thinking about it.

Creating Processes With a CRM

CRMs are useful for a lot of things from qualifying leads to creating entire marketing campaigns.

But there’s a common thread that runs through all of these features: the ability to create processes.

Processes are invaluable because they save you time, effort, and often money.

They also help your business operate more smoothly. Relying on processes is much easier than having to do everything manually.

That begs the question: What kinds of processes should you create?

The short answer is that you should have a process for everything. And I mean everything. 

Responding to client emails? Make a process for it. Dealing with new leads? Set up a workflow for qualifying them. You get the picture.

This is critical. If you want to increase your sales, you have to be able to handle increased sales in the first place. Having processes to depend upon will allow you to take on more volume without any unnecessary friction.

As a rule of thumb, if you can automate something in your business, you probably should.

The exception (like I mentioned above) is anything based around human interaction. It’s best to stay as hands-on as possible when it comes to this.

The idea is to make your business run like clockwork so you can pay more attention to your clients and deliver a better experience.

And that’s a win-win for everyone involved.

But let’s get specific and talk about certain processes that you should make sure you have.

Lead Flow

This is a big one.

A lot of marketers focus on lead generation but not enough people talk about what should happen after you’ve got a lead.

If you don’t move your lead forward, your efforts are as good as wasted.

That’s why automating your lead flow process is critical. You don’t want to be doing this by hand––that takes hours.

Instead, let your CRM do it for you.

Create multiple stages along your pipeline and trigger unique email sequences for each stage. This means that you can keep your lead moving forward at all times.

This way, you won’t overlook anything. You don’t have to worry about forgetting to follow up or missing an important email.

So let the CRM do the heavy lifting so you can focus on providing a better service for your customers.

Marketing Emails

With a CRM, it’s possible to automate all of your marketing emails, and in my opinion, this should be one of the first things you automate.

Why? Because emails can take up lots of time without you even noticing.

According to the Litmus 2017 State of Email report, more than 68% of businesses spend a week or more on the production of just one email.

Automation allows you to cut back on that time so you’re not working on the same task for days on end. You’re able to spread out your time and attention on other things that need to be handled.

And by automating your email, you’re making your email work for you instead of the other way around.

For example, whenever you get a new lead, you need to take action as swiftly as possible.

With the right CRM, this is a snap. All you need to do is automate it so that a new lead receives an email as soon as they sign up.

That way, you’re able to contact a warm lead immediately and you don’t have to do anything manually.

You can track them right from the Broadcasts tab:

This means you can also create autoresponder campaigns to get more clients in the door.

You can then move them down your pipeline, which brings me to the next thing you need to do: build a robust pipeline.

Building a Streamlined Sales Pipeline

If you’ve ever wondered what’s stopping your site from raking in the sales, chances are it’s probably your pipeline.

Now, I could talk for hours about building an effective pipeline, but for the purposes of this article, I’m going to condense the information down to the essentials.

So here’s everything you need to know about pipelines.

Common Pipeline Mistakes

Most pipeline errors that cost you precious time and money are easily preventable, which is why you should take the time now to make sure your pipeline is seamless from start to finish.

Ironically, one of the most common pipeline mistakes is simply not spending enough time on your building it out initially.

Your pipeline is the lifeblood of your business. It’s what helps you turn leads into clients. So if it’s not optimal, your sales won’t be either.

Another mistake is not moving leads quickly enough.

The data shows that the sooner you nurture your leads, the better. Wait too long, and your leads will turn cold, which could cost you a sale.

Did you know that as much as 50% of sales go to the first vendor?

Every second matters when you get a new lead.

By baking automation into your pipeline, you can nurture a new lead immediately. The software will take care of that for you, and you’ll be one step closer to making a sale.

Likewise, it’s important to keep this engagement steady throughout your pipeline. Being present at every step will greatly increase your chances of closing the sale.

The best way to do this? Surprise––it’s CRM automation.

But no matter what CRM you’re using, don’t make these costly mistakes.

Organizing Your Pipeline

Now that I’ve talked about what not to do, I’ll tell you what you should do.

First, make sure you have your priorities right at each touchpoint.

To put it another way, your pipeline needs to be doing the right things at the right time.

For example, when you first get a lead, your top priority should be nurturing that lead. You don’t want to hit them over the head with a big sales pitch––you just want to increase brand awareness.

Also, remember that a pipeline is essentially a bunch of leads going through a sales funnel. Use that framework to create your process and automations.

Your CRM can help you create a cohesive pipeline that keeps leads moving through your funnel and ensures that the appropriate actions are taken when necessary.

First of all, the four stock categories that Keap starts you out with (new, qualifying, contacting, negotiating) are great, but you can always add more if you need to.

Just scroll all the way to the right and click the “Add a stage” text field:

For instance, you could add a Completed stage for leads that you’ve successfully converted and are moving forward with.

The way you organize your pipeline might take some trial and error, as most companies have unique workflows.

However, I would recommend having at least three different stages so you can engage your lead at the beginning, middle, and end of your pipeline.

Next, the key is to use automation to make your pipeline as hands-off as possible.

Start by automating your email sequences as I showed above to help move your leads from stage to stage and keep them engaged. Again, these emails need to be personalized. There’s no point in using boilerplate templates that are stiff and boring. Take the time to make each email feel personal.

Next, add automation to your campaigns. This will ensure specific actions are taking within your CRM as leads move from stage to stage. These step-by-step tutorials on automation can help you get up and running.

Now, I won’t lie to you––this is going to take some trial and error. You aren’t going to have a perfect pipeline on day one.

So be sure to test your pipeline before you take it out in the real world.

Plug some fake clients and numbers into your CRM and use a few burner emails to test out your CRM’s capabilities. This will give you the chance to identify and remedy problems before you go live.

This extra step goes a long way. Sure, your pipeline still might have some errors once you start using it for actual clients, but you’ll have minimized the risk involved.

Conclusion

You’re almost at the finish line! It won’t be long until you’re putting your shiny new pipeline to good use.

But first, we have to put all the pieces together, so let’s recap what we’ve gone over.

1. The importance of a robust CRM. You want software that will allow you to manage all of your customers in one place, automate your business process, and track important metrics and interactions.

2. Putting processes in place. Having processes to depend upon is crucial for every business. Doing everything by the seat of your pants leads to inconsistency and often costs you.

3. Automation. If you can automate an internal process, you probably should. You can also automate a fair amount of client interactions without losing a human touch.

The final step is to synthesize all of these steps into one unified approach.

Remember, you’re doing all this to optimize your site for sales. You’re building a strong foundation that will support you as you scale.

After all, your site is the sum of its parts, so make those parts awesome.

Choose a CRM that meets your needs and that’s flexible so it will grow with you. Then create processes that will take the weight off your shoulders––and don’t be afraid to change these processes over time as your business evolves.

And there you have it — everything you need to start turning your site into an automation workhorse.

Before you know it, you’ll be seeing some of the amazing effects of automation and hopefully bringing in more sales than ever before.

Do you use a CRM that has helped turn your website into a sales machine?

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