#and probably am missing out on all sorts of helpful tools that would save me time and headaches

[coquelicoq]

Qat lets you search for words matching a given pattern. It is the ideal tool for the discerning setter or solver of crosswords and other word puzzles. Try it now! A French-language version of Qat is also available, with the same search syntax. Essayez maintenant! Qat can find individual words matching simple and compound patterns (much like grep, Word Matcher and similar tools); beyond that, it also has an ‘equation solver’ mode that can find sets of words that simultaneously satisfy given constraints. Using this feature you can, for example, find pairs of words that are single-letter (or multiple-letter) misprints of one another, words that share common segments or that differ from one another in specified ways, words containing the same segments in different orders, and much more besides. See the examples below; a more formal explanation of the pattern syntax appears at the bottom of this page.

oh? my god???

[quinloki]

Snow Topped Mountains

Merry Christmas @mewiyev \o/ I am your secret santa! ❤️

I hope you enjoy this short story and bonus art (I have been wanting to try to draw Katakuri ever since you made me a Massive Fan of him, your art style, and Maren, so I hope you enjoy it!)

Words: 1,274 Characters: GN Reader, Katakuri CW: None, I believe, horror-undertones.

The storm had passed, and so you were ready to head and and assess any damages, and if you were lucky maybe track some fresh game with the newly fallen snow.

Except now you were staring at the largest body you’d ever seen in your life. You would’ve mistaken it for the beginnings of a hill, but you knew the area better than anyone, and no storm was enough to move mountains.

You watched, nearly mesmerized by the sight, as the man’s massive chest rose and fell, in a steady rhythm. He was most certainly alive, for now, but unconscious. You, barely the size of one of his arms as far as you could tell, now faced the rather daunting task of trying to figure out how you could hope to save him.

And if saving him was going to result in your own untimely end or not.

Unable to simply leave any creature to its fate, dangerous or otherwise, you began to move. You had enough rope, and large enough tarps, all used for the village’s festivals. You might live up in the mountains to maintain the shrines and offerings to the gods during the hard times, but you weren’t ostracized.

“Fortunately for both of us you collapsed near the trees.” You mutter, tossing a weighted length of rope up into the branches and getting it tangled into place. It took you thirty minutes to get a network of ropes secured into the evergreens, and nearly an hour to get the tarps threaded on the ropes. The process was faster when you had a helper or two, but with the impending storm even your usual help wasn’t on the mountain.

Maren was going to be upset he missed the excitement.

The passing of the storm hadn’t cleared the skies, but it had abated the wind, so the labor of setting up the ropes and tarps was enough to keep you warm. You ran ropes in the middle of the small network, pulling a sort of functional roof together. It wouldn’t keep out rain, but it would let the fire’s smoke out and warm up the space inside.

You apologized to the large man as you had to practically climb him and a few times as you worked. Two hours later you could start hauling the ropes, pulling the network taut, and creating a massive tent around the still-breathing giant of a man.

With the tent in place you began to clear out the snow. You weren’t far from where you lived so you were able to get some tools to make it easier, but it took another hour just to clear enough to start fire. Once you got the fire rolling you started clearing the snow away from the large man.

The more you cleared away, the more you were amazed he was alive at all. He was barely clothed. Pants, boots, and a sleeveless vest. The scarf wrapped around his shoulders and lower face was fluffy and probably warm, but not nearly warm enough. There was no way you’d be able to get him out of the little clothing he was wearing so you decide to set up a few smaller fires around him. If he moved when he woke up, he’d just snuff out the smaller fires, but the extra heat would help dry the clothes faster.

The only thing you had to get off him were the boots. Though it was tempting to just simply light them on fire directly, you had no way to hope to replace them. At least the rest of his clothes could’ve been replaced by the tarps, but shoes were another matter. If they didn’t dry fast enough his toes could rot or get frostbitten. Either way he could lose them, or die to the fever and risk of infection.

You didn’t just spend almost five hours of effort to have your mystery man die to complications after the fact.

Unfortunately, the boots were neither loose-fitting, nor buttoned, zippered, or otherwise clasped. After some fruitless tugging you pulled out your hunting knife and carefully cut down the side of one, and then the other, pulling them free and dragging them away. You set up another fire, and began the jog through the snow to get back to the cabin.

Towels, a sleeping bag, some dried food, a pot, one cup, one large bowl, herbs and tea, and back to your makeshift tent. You’d need to keep an eye on your patient throughout the night, and that meant keeping him dry, the fires going, and keeping yourself fed. It’d be another day at least before Maren was going to be able to ascend the mountain, and you’d just have to hope he decided to bring more food than was needed for the two of you when he did.

Getting back to the tent you see your patient hasn’t moved. If not for the steady breathing you’d be worried he was truly done for. The fires were doing an amazing job, and once you set all the gear down you had to take your coat off to avoid sweating in the toasty tent.

Grabbing a couple towels you began to dry his feet, using some dry soap and talc to help ward off any other risks of mold or rot. The sheer size of him was a bit boggling. You’d seen giants before, and he wasn’t nearly as large, but you’d seen giants roaming the flatlands while you were in the mountains. If they hadn’t been giants you wouldn’t have noticed them at all from such a distance.

Once his feet were taken care of, you tended all the little fires, and stoked the largest one. You let a little heat, and a lot of smoke out, with a kick to one of the flaps, letting the rush of air hurry the new smoke out of the top of the tent before it gathered too thickly.

Walking over to his head you regarded your patient, taking note of his appearance with an attentive eye. Your only concerns before now had been if he was alive or not, but taking a moment to actually look him over was… surprising.

He had handsome features, cropped reddish hair, and tattoos that laid easily over an impressive physique. There was an ease on his face right now that wasn’t reflected in the finer lines found there. Stress and worry were etched deep, but his current state of unconsciousness left him looking at peace.

Whatever weighed so heavily upon his shoulders while he was awake, it made little impact on his sleep. Or at least this sleep, as unbidden as it must have come.

Temptation pulled at the corners of your mind, a desire to pull the scarf away from his face. It wasn’t worn for warmth, not with the distinct lack of winter apparel overall. So it was only fair to think he wore it hide his features. It wouldn’t be quite right to sneak a peek when such was obviously avoided, but the curiosity was strong.

Before you could settle your internal struggle yourself, the main fire cracked loudly, drawing your attention back to it. You went around and tended the smaller fire first, kicking the tarp open for a second to rush the small accumulation of smoke clear before minding the main fire.

Once the fire was set you felt it.

A gaze upon your back.

Eyes that held you in place.

Even as your own gaze was frozen on the fire before you, you knew what was happening. An assessment. One that could end in gratitude.

Or not.

[datawyrms]

snap

It is The Day I post my Invisobang fic! it was a wild ride to write everything and not post. This is actually the second fic I did, as the first fell into my pit of ‘i hate it now’ and will sit in limbo for the rest of eternity. I teamed up with Spirit ( @ghostportals ), who has done some accompanying art! That, and Red @redead-red saved my bacon by doing some betaing last moment, so tell em they’re great too. Hope you’re all enjoying the flood of finished fics and art this week! Only the first chapter is here, the rest is posted on my Ao3 and complete. hope you enjoy!

One careless fall changed Danny's life forever. He was kind of hoping one fall like that was enough for any lifetime. Clearly fate disagreed.

It's fine though! He's got this. He's fine. He can totally explain why he ran off with his own body to mom and dad.

The stairs had always been a little too steep, a titch too narrow, but he was used to them. Jazz worried too much- the whole Fenton family knew how to take them two steps at a time. He wasn’t going to admit she might have a point just because he’d slipped one time. He wished there was a railing to catch himself with- it would have spared him some of the pain of his head knocking on the stair.

It didn’t hurt that much. Plenty of ghosts hit harder, and far more frequently.

“Took a bit of a spill eh, Danno?”

Great, dad saw him slip like he was three again. He wanted to speak, wave his behemoth of a father off before he got tangled up in some long lecture about whatever they were working on down here. Just had to sit up.

He was a little stunned or something. All those late nights made his limbs rebel when he wanted them to hurry up. Come on, before he tries to help and accidentally shaves his hair off with some anti-ghost stepladder or something.

His arms stubbornly rejected his internal horror story. His attempt to say ‘I’m fine’ was more a gurgle than anything. Way to go, Fenton. Do everything to get dad to worry! Really using those genius genes. Jazz probably stole his anyway, or they got fried in the accident. Come on! A bit of self berating should have him sitting bolt upright by now. Maybe his arm twitched. He felt something move, anyway. More like a muscle spasm.

“Danny? You okay?” The large man came closer, his usual jog slowed.

Of course he’s fine. He could see dad, sort of. He totally moved his eyes to see him better, even. Stupid ghost powers were just acting up.  It’s okay,  just give me a second to stand up. You’re worrying over nothing.

 Jack had already made it over, crouching to get a better look at his fallen son. Like he was trying to look smaller or something with how carefully he was moving. Where was all that slow, ginger movement when he was driving? Or trying to tell them about some new invention that might burn off your eyebrows?

 I’m fine, dad. He couldn’t get the words to come out, but he was just fine. He really didn’t like the strange look on his father’s face. After all, ‘Jack Fenton doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear’ or whatever random thing he felt like shouting when chasing after entities from another dimension. Come on dad, stop looking like that. It was creeping him out. Moving should be easy, a snap, but part of him didn’t feel like doing it. Apparently an important part? He could visualize exactly what to do, but he wasn’t sitting up. He swore he could feel his muscles clenching but not finishing the movement. Maybe they were testing something down here that just made all the ectoplasm hiding inside him take a nap. His ectoplasm was so fired after this.

 “Can you look at me kiddo?”

 Coaxing him. This was weird. Why wasn’t he just hauling him off the floor and laughing about how clumsy he was at his age too? Looking at him was easy. Pretty hard to miss him, with all the bright orange.

 “Maddie? Can you come over here?” His question was strangely stilted, not much of a bellow.

 Dad was going to get the wrong idea because his body didn’t want to cooperate. Great. Fantastic. He could feel the warmth in his chest, the sign his heart was still going. He was just fine, just a bit inconvenienced at the moment. Why couldn’t dad just be  dad  and do something dumb like pick him up with one hand while sounding way too excited about some new tool that he built?

 “What’s wrong?” His mom said, her footsteps doing the same thing dad’s had. Speed that suddenly cut down to almost nothing. “Danny, did you hit your head?”

 “I think he might have, he’s not responding. I didn’t want to try to move him-“

 “You did great Jack, it’s okay.”

 Gross. He hoped they didn’t get caught up in one of their lovey dovey circles while he was stuck trying to get his stupid legs to remember how to do things. He was responding! He groaned, and he definitely twitched a bit. Weren’t they paying attention? He tried again, a bit more forcefully and ignoring the pang in his neck. More of a jolt from someone with too much static cling than actual pain, really.

 “Should I call 911? He isn’t moving! He just stayed there- didn’t even act all tough for his old man!”

 Jack was panicking.  Dad was panicking. Over nothing! Why wasn’t mom distracting him with fudge or some random study? No one was being normal today. Danny shuddered, he knew he did, it went with the pulse under his skin.

 “That’d be great sweetie, just stay close.”

 “In case you need my big strong arms to help carry him, right?”

 “Just in case.” She wasn’t wearing the hood of her jumpsuit, at least.

 It didn’t make it more comfortable when she crouched down, biting her lip and staring at him. Like this was concerning. It was the opposite of that, he was a klutz, a gangly teenager, it was normal for him to be a bit banged up. This shouldn’t concern her, or anyone. The only reason it bugged him was the not being able to move right now nonsense.

 “You aware in there sweetie?” she said, rather loudly and clapping near his ear.

  Yes I am, but I can’t tell you. Maybe he could focus on taking a breath and it would kick off whatever turned off his mind to body connection. Had he done anything strange before coming down here? Not really. He could absolutely feel her digging her nails into his earlobe though, ow! More motivation to move, but something wasn’t getting across. Maybe he was getting a bit freaked out about it too. Only because of his parents being weird. He was fine, he had to be fine. It was nothing, less than nothing.

 “I’m just going to make sure he’s still breathing Jack, do you have anyone on the line yet?”

 A loud response, but not to her question. “No it’s not a ghost emergency! It’s a human emergency!”

 Of course he was breathing. He couldn’t look that bad from such a small fall. Just breathe out the words ‘Hey mom, personal space’ and they’d laugh and it’d be nothing. All this fussing was making his skin crawl but of course he had to have ‘special ghost freezing up’. Was it his ice powers? Like he could get his powers being snarky like that, appreciated it in a twisted sort of way- but it would be better around people who wouldn’t assume the worst? Like anyone else. Even Dash.

 “Tell the operator he isn’t breathing.” Maddie’s voice was cold and controlled, even as she went back to biting her lip right after.

 He was totally breathing. He could feel the air that ran in and out of his lungs, the swell and fall that other ghosts knew as a weak point, a way to slow him down. He knew what being doubled over, air shoved right out of him from a harsh blow felt like, how it felt like the portal again. Throat twitching, body heaving and trying to regain what it lost. The darkness that bit at the edges of his vision as every nerve went screaming  You’re Dying . Hated that feeling, shook the ghosts who did that hard once they were in a thermos. This was nothing like that.

 “He isn’t breathing, you need to hurry! My wife knows CPR- just tell them to hurry this is my  son , please”

 Yelling to hide the quaver in his voice. Like a kicked puppy yelping. It sounded so wrong. This was going to be so awkward after. They’d just...pretend this never happened, right? That’d be for the best. No, he was going to get grounded forever for some ‘dumb prank’, since he was fine and worried them so much. Which didn’t seem too bad if it stopped all of...this.

 He moved a little. A toe, he was pretty sure. More notably was his mother, carefully getting him off the uneven stair to be flat on his back. Trying to keep his head from moving, and she couldn’t see he was looking at her? When she was this close? Too busy trying to be calm. Who could be busy enough to think he wasn’t breathing or tracking with his eyes? Another twitch, another inward curse that he couldn’t get back in control.

 “Just hold on, help is coming.” She said, but the half ghost couldn’t tell who she meant, exactly. Him, dad or herself? Either way the quiet remark did not prepare him for the sheer force slammed into his crest. Like she wanted to slam right through him! Was it so much to ask that his parents stop nearly killing him by trying to help? Just try moving again and everything will be fine.

 He couldn’t keep the mental mantra up when he heard- when he felt his ribs crack from the pointless force. She was killing him, he didn’t need help breathing, he had to get it through to them no matter how much his body buzzed and resisted his need to move. He had to focus and push through it, ignoring how cold and wrong it felt, how it seemed like he was squirming free of something that didn’t want him to go.

 Her bone crushing assault stopped once he got his arm up, not even needing to touch her before she froze. The fear was wrong, out of place so he redoubled his efforts, twisting and struggling against himself, the sticky mass that wasn’t letting him act or speak to calm them down.

 The phone hit the floor. He heard it. So why didn’t dad say anything? Danny twisted, wanting to make sure he was okay. Still stuck. At least he had a hand free and most of an arm, the edges of his fingers tracing the tiles of the floor. He could brace himself that way, pushing down hard to try and jar his shoulder loose. He could hear air moving, like a harsh breath out. Good- breathing was good. Even when it sounded so harsh and low. 

 “Jack- are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Maddie moved back, giving him the space he wanted ever since she’d cracked his ribs. They still stung under his skin, hissing at him to keep his parents away before he managed to get even more injuries over something so silly.

 “I’m not sure what we’re seeing.” The phone remained on the floor.

 That didn’t seem right. He’d sat up, mostly. Half sat up, propped up with an arm. Still mostly stuck and uncomfortable, the snapping and crackling sensation still clinging to his free shoulder. Really, he felt worse than how he started. at least there wasn’t pain in ‘hah my body is playing freeze tag without me’ land. The pulling sensation made his head ache and vision swim to the point he wasn’t actually sure if he was still looking at the ceiling or not. He couldn’t go back to just being frozen though, that’d suck. So just convince the rest of himself to get up. No problem!

Were lies in his head always this unconvincing? It felt like yanking himself free of a too sticky slime, strands clinging and tugging back until they finally snapped, parts still stuck but free of the main mass. At least ectoplasm had the decency not to stretch when you got drenched in it most of the time.  Come on, focus and keep it together.  He let out a wheeze as the last stubborn strands snapped, ignoring how loud it sounded to properly reorient himself.

 Sitting up, properly, good! Parents staring with weird, half horrified expressions: bad. Very, very bad. 

“I’m okay, I just fell.” Danny spoke, he could speak properly again. So why? “Sorry for scaring you guys?” He tried again, trying to ignore the first thought across his mind.

 They kept staring. Maddie seemed to be recovering, shoulders starting to relax, but she seemed to be reaching for her belt.

 He didn’t sound right. No, that wasn’t quite right, he just sounded wrong for Danny  Fenton. Who he should be right now, he hadn’t been able to talk, let alone go ghost. This probably looked really, really bad. How had he switched, anyway?

Mom was reaching for a gun, wasn’t she? Crud. Now he regretted talking at all, how was he going to explain why Danny Phantom was treating two ghost hunters like his parents? Or how he managed to look like their kid. Maybe he could change back and convince them they were seeing things?

Yeah no, that was way too dumb.

 “Wait.” Jack rested a hand on his wife’s shoulder, causing her to stop pulling the weapon. He wasn’t looking at the ghost at all, just her. Maddie remained stiff, not able to ignore the glowing kid on her floor.

 Okay...dad was usually the gung ho one. Maybe he could get away with this? Danny tried to get a better grip on the situation. Felt a new pain, sharp and cold in his throat. Deep green scars clashed against his white gloves and ran all across his jumpsuit,  glow intensifying as the panic choked him into silence. Fresh and angry like back- back before he managed to stumble out of the portal when he died when the accident happened.

With his human arms just as scared below them, still against the tile. The damage looked old, half scabbed over with only a dull glow deep in the death marks wounds. His arms attached to the rest of his body- that he was half out of. 

 Why? How was his body still and silent while he was sitting and looking at it. He’s cold. His body is cold. It isn’t  breathing  there isn’t some other facet of his personality sitting behind the dull blue eyes. This isn’t how it works! If he splits, it’s just temporary, he can fix it but his other half- corpse is wrong.

The pulling and clinging at his legs doesn’t feel like slime anymore. Rotting flesh that wants to drag him back, smother him in a cloying warmth that will only remind him why it burned, how it hurt. He had to move, he couldn’t stay half like this, it would get better once it wasn’t like this.

It didn’t want to let go as he tried to pull away, ectoplasm getting snagged on every nerve and muscle fiber, each pause a reminder of the shock and pain of his end that day.

He knew he screamed when he pulled free and slammed into the wall, furious green scars still marring his jumpsuit where there should be none.

 What would Mom and Dad think?

 No no no no no. He spotted movement from them and acted. He couldn’t let his mom break his body more, or look at it too closely. Dad couldn’t see what happened! This was fine, he could fix this!

 He grabbed his corpse and fled through the wall.

[merakiui]

welcome to the day a duck ruins your perception of items in genshin impact. i uh. made some items in genshin impact as yandere boys and what they're like sort of?? you could try and burn your eyes now. ;) adepti seekers stove- he's going to be a tsundere no buts or uhts. he's the type of yandere that's trying to be protective and failing miserably everytime. so being impatient and angsty. so, he resorts in kidnapping you instead. but hey look on the bright side! even when you're kidnapped you can have delicious meals and snacks! secretly likes to cook for you a lot, but he won't admit it even in death. just don't question why there's a lingering scent of sleeping potions in your meal and you'll be good as jolly jee! probably wants you to help him in the kitchen, since he once heard that couples do that. would probably give you self esteem issues down the line. "didn't i tell you to not get hurt? are you that much of an idiot?? here. have this it'll lessen the pain just a bit so we can walk back home. just drink it already." windsong lyre- smug bastard, smug shit. he's probably a player or just overly dramatic with everything. maybe he's righteous or something.. likes to show off his music skills a lot. he sucks at it tho. gaslights you probably in public places to add more pressure, because people are staring like you're having a performance or something. calls you love even if he's pissed at you for not listening to him, or accusing him of being toxic or suspecting him of being your stalker that always watches you from your window at 2am! would make you paranoid a lot. loves kissing your cheek and tickling you. he's a closeted pervert. you're gonna have to move in an isolated place too, he will spread rumours of you being his lover. "love, I'm sure that you're just overreacting. plus even if i was the stalker that you're talking about I wouldn't be oh so casually talking to you in public when I could've been hiding! jeez it's like your going crazy." wind-blessed harpastrum- such sweety! just so wholesome bakes you a pie in tuesday sweet. seems patient too but beware he will break your legs when you get a little bit too bratty for his tastes. touch starved too and it shows, that's why he loves to cuddle you lots! really obsessed with what you think of him. if you say you hate him he'll tear up and try to convince you that he's good, but if you pretend that you like him he'll shower you with uncomfortable affection and confessions. really great at making bombs and torture weapons too. probably sewed in a bomb inside your body threatened that he will kill you with it if you leave. bad at darts and archery. if you say that to him he'll laugh and take out his diploma saying that he's too smart for those childish games. he's impulsive in decision making. "haha. you know. you almost escaped from me back there. but hey! now you won't do anything stupid like that ever again if you can't walk." windblume balloon: listen man. im going to be killed but he's an airhead, pun intended right there. probably lowkey manipulative and doesn't even know it yet or chooses to ignore it. protective of you a lot. really delusional to the point that he rationalizes your escape as someone kidnapping you. so say goodbye to whoever poor stranger who was trying to help you escape they'll be greeted by an arrow through their head once he finds you. has a habit of holding your hand because he's afraid you might disappear from his line of sight and leave him all alone. if you let go tho he'll gorilla grip your hand, might crush it too. just very overprotective. he also doesn't know that he's an airhead. yeah."hm? why do i like holding you hand..? i just like it.. your hand makes me feel... uh. safe..? is that the word for it? ah. it was the word loved." wind catcher- he's a full on sadist. throw all of your escape plans out the window, this guy will climb a mountain and ride any wind current available to catch and torture you. persistently trying to make you like him atleast a bit. yeah, he's that kind of delusional. would teasingly push you

of a cliff as a 'light' punishment. dark humour and likes to joke about killing you from time to time. note: he can kill you. and he would also do it by ripping you in half with the wind current so just stay in his house and be a good lover that'll shower him in kisses, okay? okay. he mostly sees you as a tool of interest, but not just any tool- you're his favourite tool. "pfft! hey stop crying now! you're making me feel bad! hm? oh? why am i doing this? well i mean maybe I'm angry that someone was trying to escape. again." warming bottle- he will absolutely leave you in the cold if you were being a brat towards him. lives in dragonspine to spite you, also because he can just turn take away your blankets and anything that can give warmth so you gotta ask him to cuddle you to survive. he usually does this when he's feeling a little petty. which is so frequent. that you can almost give it a schedule. but don't tell him that. kind of a tsundere but only when it comes to physical affection since he's shy. that's why he has to take away your blankets so it looks like he's just mocking you but not because he's touch starved. he's not at home that much too but don't worry, he will make it up to you by uh.. physical activities.. "what? you're freezing? no shit we're in dragonspine. oh? you want me to hug you..? hm. fine. I'll indulge you for a bit. I am quite merciful." parametric transformer- businessman that scams you a lot lol. he's going to be a masochist because i said so, yeah i know the electric stone thing gag that's why i made him a masochist. really likes to collect useless stuff and spoiling you, so expect your room to be filled with a lot of random things from jewelry to mushrooms and crabs. has a you should be grateful i even give stuff mindset. thinks that giving someone something of vaue would make them fall in love with him instantly. also probably loves it when you fight back especially when you successfully land a hit on him, he will enjoy it. but be careful he has different responses whenever you hit him. pick your poison. spends a ton of resources on everything to keep you in line. that rope costed him 700 pinecones. "why do you even wanna escape? i give you a ton of stuff so you won't get bored! hah. maybe if i had picked up someone else they would've been grateful." portable waypoint- throw out your escape plans the season sequel. he's very quiet but has a small temper that won't last that much. maybe he's like that since he tries so hard to repress it. listen he's trying okay? escape always fails so quickly. one minute you're in springvale shouting, crying, begging for anyone to help you and then back to his house to see him sipping some tea. his punishments are cruel too- he makes sure to leave you in a den of monsters and ruin guards, waits until your in the brink of death and teleports you back to him. has a superiority complex over everyone too. probably likes to make you feel weak when you have to rely on him. loves to crush your self esteem. wants to be affectionate but thinks that you, as an inferior being, should be affectionate with him instead. so tsun. "see? this is what i was trying to tell you. you're too weak to actually survive out there. you even had to rely on me to save you. pathetic." memento lens- mysterious and elegant. he's quite cryptic to say the least. likes to watch you from a far if he's feeling a bit angsty. you try to make sense of what he says and it just leads to you being confused even more. and he likes that about you. you actually try to understand him, even if what you guess is wrong. you're going to have a tough time with this guy if you wanna escape. just avoid any fox statues and you'll be good. the problem is the shrine maidens. they basically want the two of you to end up together so they don't have to deal with him. he's actually very gentle with you punishments still suck but atleast he doesn't do it physically, he just makes you write that you're sorry over and over until your wrist are tired. loves poetry and solving puzzles, riddles, scriptures. he's

smart but soft. "spring blossoms even in the darkest depths of uncertainty, is that why you have the courage to try and escape me..?" kamera- perfectionist stalker. wants to make sure that the photos he takes of you are perfect to every extent. colour, lighting, and expressions. even if it means going inside your room and having the possibility of waking you up from your sleep. likes to take pictures of everything too. kind of like this; both of you are walking somewhere and he stops to take a picture of a sunset. he takes twenty minutes trying to find the correct angle. but the sun is already gone so he sulks. maybe- you can cheer him up by volunteering to be his model? you'll do that? right? also worships you like a god so if someone dared to even say something breath near you or celestia forbid insult you, best to say they'll be quickly disposed of by blackmail and fake shit. would not steal any of your belongings, he would just take pictures of it. so he's not that bad. "i consider everything in this world is beautiful, but you have surpassed that. so that is why im keeping you here. no one deserves even a glimpse of you!" waverider toolbox- he's such a gentlemen and a sweetheart. always there to help you with repairs, sometimes he'd add some updates to it too. just ignore the stuff going missing inside your boat thing. he probably guilt-gaslight you into staying with him in his waverider then bam your in an island stranded. ahaha, now both of you just have to survive by working together ya know? like a loving couple likes hugs and physical affection a lot! bonus points if it's given when he's tired from doing his job. as i said tired guy so appreciates all the things you do for him whether it's paying for his meal or giving him a gift. next time, he'll make sure that you won't leave the island permanently. thinks that stranded island equals date smh. " ahh? oh! is this for me? really? thank you.. i don't usually receive gifts but that just makes this even more special! say, do you wanna go on a trip? i just fixed the waverider from last time." red feather fan- mischievous little shit. likes to scare you a lot by appearing on trees and just jumping on you. knows that you're trying to escape but pretends not to since he likes to try and guess which direction you would run to. hugs you a lot even before he kidnaps you really touchy even if you say no he'll use the good ol puppy eyes! doesn't work? okay he'll just smell your clothes when you're sleeping as compensation. he likes to flirt with you a lot. some pickup are cheesy.. but others are a little- personal? acts cool by making a dramatic entrance everytime even. you know those radical superhero landing stuff? that's him. he would build a nest as your house even being a dick and placing it on top of a mountain, goodluck on trying to get down. "caught you! going to the shore was so predictable by the way. maybe you should try a different place next time, dear? hm? maybe a restaurant so we can have date? sounds great right?" serenitea pot- unhinged malewife that wants to make a the perfect living space for you- ehem. probably a perfectionist if you squint hard enough. he's delusional but just a little lucid about the stuff he does to you. likes to make a ton of furniture too! personalized the room you're trapped in with a ton of valuable and expensive materials. just don't try to escape he'll cut your limbs off just like a damn tree shawtie. owns a shit ton of pets ranging from boars to cats. all of them are like bodyguards to you during your stay. dreams about having a peaceful life with you in the realm someday, sigh. he sometimes has burnouts where he just places a bunch of furniture on a single room and call it a day. "and here is your room! do.. do you like it? i made it just for you! i didn't know what wood you would prefer so i just settled on whatever i can find! ahaha. we're kind of like a married couple living together now... right?" nre menu- he's probably going to be from the adventurers guild. really awkward and shy. takes for him a long time to

open up to you. when going on quests he's the one in charge of carrying the food and healing shit you need. really patient and nice! slightly uh mean with other people trying to talk to you but other than that everything is normal. everything is normal the long loving gaze he gives you every now and then and some food being left on your doorstep. yeah let's not question it i mean he's just so shy! he would never do anything wrong? right?? he's a closeted pervert, cliche i know but he's a pervert with a line to not cross. he just checks you out. good for him. would cry if given any ounce of affection. sweet baby. "t-that was a tough commission.. oh u-uh.. do you need some food to replenish your energy? we need to do the other commissions you know.. hm? why aren't you eating it.. something wrong with the food..?" seelies- spoiled. that's the word to describe him. really straight forward with his courting kind of dumb? but he's so damn lucky for some unknown reason that your plans to avoid him always fail. yeah the high quality rope you just bought for 1000 mora? it broke and you fell into his arms. he's probably rich by sheer dumb luck too. finds a ton treasure chests even in the places you didn't expect. people pressure you into spending time with him. since he's just so cute! how could say no to such a face? it really feels like the gods are on his side ya know? he throws a lot of very very aggressive tantrums if you're not with him. thinks he's doing a good job at courting you, with rationalize rejection as a playing hard to get. "tada! look i got you this crystal i found while i was walking! it looks like a diamond and it has a ton of colours too?? is it valuable?? would you kiss me if i give it to you??" endora- majestic, regal, and likes to explore a lot. he uh. probably trapped you in a bubble once or twice too. really curious about his surroundings, also has no personal space since it's first time going out. he would cuddle you when he feels like it homie. kidnapped you and made you his tour guide. don't try to fool him he learns quickly about stuff. fast swimmer, so no joining any expeditions in water if you don't want their ship to be wrecked by a mysterious being of the teyvat seas. he likes to see you cry. it's not a kink he just feels connected to you when you cry. doesn't have a house so you just live in a run down boat. he's doesn't know when you're lying to him sometimes. god complex bastard. "this world. at first i wasn't sure if i was going to like it or not, but ever since I've met you... I've grown to tolerate some parts.. so you should be thankful, you've convinced me. mortal." intertwined fate/older twin- listen. he's just so smug about everything he does. and he knows you love him. probably invites you out on dinner only for him to not show up. so basically he's an asshole without a doubt. toxic boyfriend that gives you false hope and has a ton of admirers. you probably think he won't settle for you right? ah, he's not that cruel. so picks you as his lover out of all the billions of people. you should be grateful! he even kidnapped you! do you know how hard it was for him to go all the way from his home to yours? anyways yeah. asshole. he likes to do the open the door for darling trick where he just gives you a small crack on the door and watch you make a decision. it's an act of your loyalty. if you escape he'll make you feel pain. if you don't then he'll reward your patience. god complex bastard 2."sigh. did you try to escape? again? patience is the key to everything you know. maybe you should learn that. i expected more smart from you." acquaint fate/younger twin- cinnamonroll he's such a sweet guy. he's always there for you when you need him. okay- he has a nice guy complex, fucking damn it. probably uses the but I've been there for you since the start trick unintentionally a lot. he just doesn't know he wants some action, so be thankful that he didn't just jump on you like a barbarian. he's kind of contradicting himself too. one hand he wants you to love him, on the other hand he doesn't

believe he deserves you. loves to give you the same things, remember that one painting you liked from two years ago? he got you that. quantity beats quality. surprisingly, he's really patient but would have bursts of anger every now and then. has a self value issues?? yeah, but did i tell you he's a touch starved guy. punshments are just him softly lecturing you about what's good and what's wrong."i always viewed myself as inferior, that i didn't deserve anything.. but this time. i want to be greedy just once." that's it- :'D i haven't proofread this but here you go mer! ill probably continue with more humanisations of items in genshin later.. if you ask why i ruined your day with this crazy idea i was watching that one video of a person humanising social media and got this idea. also i discovered how to bold out texts... i have power..ejwjdhshaj

so yeah have a great day! -🦆anon

I AM IN AWE?!?! WHOA OMG!!!!! 🦆, THIS IS FANTASTIC!! AAAAAA (≧∀≦)

All of the various characterizations… *chef’s kiss* It’s literally so good! With each one I read I kept thinking okay this guy is my favorite and then I would read the next description and my heart was stolen again. I can’t pick a favorite now. T_T

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

just because you’re afraid it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Titans 3.05

once more into the cold dark void of the internet with my stream-of-consciousness take on a superhero tv show...

spoilers ahead.

1. i cannot believe that among the first things i get to hear in this episode with my own two ears is the line 'eluded our overdudes'. why must you give me such pain along with so much joy, show?

1.5. scarecrow stringing jason along on this path to red-hood-dom is not something i would’ve ever expected, but does kind of make sense. 

1.55. i don’t know all the details of the original resurrection arc in the comics but i like that jason, weirdly, has a greater role to play in his own demise and rebirth? i think it makes it easier to draw a line between his past trauma, the demonstrably shitty and terrifying responsibility of being robin, the ways bruce and the titans wronged him, his responses to that, the reasons he turns to scarecrow, and his final evolution to red hood. it makes for a smoother character arc rather than a one that was interrupted for two decades before somebody went oh hey let’s resurrect that kid that the audience once voted to kill and make him an anti-hero!

1.75. what’s crane giving him? anti fear toxin? anyway, crane is a fucking creep and i’m not sure i want to see a whole lot of him on my screen.

2. oh, um, heads up: there’s a long sequence of unsteady cam + flickering lights right after the title card upto the 3:16 mark. it’s a bit headache-inducing so if you want to skip, you can go ahead and do that. 

2.45. that’s... weird... why would he dream about... donna...

ok, who am i kidding. i’m going to jump right into my theory about Why Titans Makes Sense Actually because the show itself is apparently not interested in explaining itself:

a) it makes no sense for jason to be conjuring up donna--who famously did not care much for him!--in his dreams. (he wasn’t even there when she died.) or for her to be telling him don’t go or there’s still time.

b) this leads me to think that that’s actually donna, in some sort of limbo between life and death, the kind of place where jericho used to be

c) rachel has demonstrated that she has the power to link the minds of the titans across great distances--she called jason and hank/dawn for help in 2.01, she linked up everybody later in the season, projected dick’s hallucination of his father into their brains without even realising she was doing it, and in the finale, she managed to get dick into conner’s brain. she’s in themyscira now. is this how she gets donna back to life? but reaching out to her in that non-space between life and death?

d) the next obvious question is: why isn’t donna appearing in the dreams of the other titans? she probably is, but they have better reason to be dreaming about her since they were actually close to her, unlike jason.

e) but why would she warn jason in particular? does she foresee jason entering the afterlife--however briefly? does she have an idea of what jason plans to do and what he will become?

f) anyway, more trippy mindscapes and weird psychic powers, yay!

2.5. my heart clenched when bruce comforted jason post-nightmare: clearly i’ve been reading way too much batfam fic. this is a side of bruce we haven’t really been told to expect by all the characters on the show calling him a ‘psychopath’ (*cough*unreliablenarrators*cough*) and him getting jason to speak to a professional speaks volumes about the kind of self-reflection he’s done post dick’s departure, and maybe some of the regrets he has with regards to how he dealt with dick’s traumas.

i mean, just look at him when jason dismisses his concerns! BRUCE IS TRYING JASON

anyway, i have a whole lot more i want to say about this, but i’ll save it for later. 

also: LESLIE THOMPKINS!!!!

3. i really like molly--and i love that she’s a friend from before jason got taken in by bruce, the implication that they meet up regularly and that she’s a grounding influence on him (tho clearly not grounding enough to not go along with his dumbass idea about confronting a child trafficker alone). 

3.5. aw, jason. robin was his armour against everything in the world that would throw him down and chew him to bits, but san francisco proved that even robin wasn’t enough to protect him. it’s really interesting how ‘disillusionment with the idea of robin’ is so integral to the traumas of both dick and jason but in such different ways. 

4. LESLIE!!!!!!! i even forgive her office being so goddamn blue because leslie! 

4.5. it makes so much sense for titans!verse leslie to be a therapist, because this show is so inward looking anyway, and therapist sessions are a useful tool to showcase this character work in a story. besides, at least in fanfic, leslie often seems to double up as a counsellor anyway. 

4.6. oh man. i’m not terribly convinced by walters’ red hood (tho i think that may be the point--argh. i’ll come back to this thought later. have to stop getting distracted!) but he plays the asshole kid that’s trying not to let any real emotion seep through really well.

“you’d like me to punch you, wouldn’t you”

5. not sure what to think of batman’s little trophy case other than the show winking unsubtly at us and going look look - catwoman! the riddler! two face! you excited yet?! it’s like the scene from the end of amazing spiderman 2 when they were trying to drum up excitement for a sinister six spinoff by having harry osborne walk by a bunch of display cases with stuff from iconic villains in them.

... but then again, bruce does like to display a lot of shit in his batcave, including his dead robin’s bloodstained costume, so.

5.5. bruce is so soft with jason it’s killing me. beyond just trying to learn from his mistakes with dick, it speaks to his own genuine desire to balance his dedication to gotham with doing the best by his sons, although he’s often not successful with that. 

i love that titans is really playing the long game with bruce wayne, with each season and character-perspective sliding in fresh pieces of a bigger puzzle. titans’ bruce has always been a phantom of other peoples’ making, but now we’re getting the idea that he’s a whole lot more complicated than other people make it seem.

5.75. it really recontextualises some of his actions from previous seasons: the fact that he locked dick out of his security systems in 1.06 is likely his way of respecting dick’s independence and his desire not to be associated with batman/gotham anymore. jason knowing about bruce’s tracker while dick doesn’t is probably bruce trying to be more honest and upfront with his charges. bruce sending jason packing off to sanfran to spend time with the titans is probably not him passing on a big responsibility to dick (as i first uncharitably thought) but him trying to get jason out of the toxic influence of gotham for a while and a sign of his trust in dick as a leader and a mentor,

5.8. i mean, bruce is a prick, but he’s also human.

6. i think leslie is doing some good work with jason here, though she may have overstepped the line with her line about robin as a construct being projected by a man with BPD. her speculations about bruce’s diagnosis have no place in her session with jason, and if bruce confides in her, an egregious violation of patient-therapist confidentiality. 

(about the diagnosis itself... i don’t know. i can’t really confirm or refute this without a whole lot more information, and i’m not sure if the writer of this episode means BPD in the same way an actual professional might.)

6.5. i think a huge thing that gets missed out in a lot of recent comics as well as movies/shows is that bruce didn’t create the robin persona out of whole cloth. dick did. he’s the starting point of that legacy and to call it entirely bruce’s creation is blatant erasure of that. in fact, i’m surprised that dick doesn’t feature more in the conversations they’re having about the pressures of being robin. after all, the guy had been robin--bruce’s partner--for such a long time before jason. 

6.8. (and here’s the primal part of me that resonates the deepest with dick grayson--the Eldest Daughter part--that’s sort of resentful: that jason gets the therapy and softness and the learning from mistakes when it took years and years for bruce to reach out in any meaningful way to dick.)

7. oooh that was a great scene!

it’s fun to do these stream-of-consciousness live reactions, because the moment you step down from your soapbox, the episode goes right into tackling what you were just complaining about. bruce means well, he’s learning, but he goes about exactly the wrong way to help jason: taking away robin now can’t be read by jason as anything but a devastating judgment call from bruce. and iain glen really sells the moment that bruce realises this--too late--and his helplessness in trying to get jason to see that it isn’t jason’s fault that he’s trying to do this. he loves jason enough that jason is enough. 

7.5. aaaah so jason brings up the elephant in the room at last. dick got everything makes sense from his perspective, where getting to put on a costume and fight crime means approval, means being something stronger and better than you are. dick got to be robin, then nightwing, and a leader of a whole team of other costume-clad heroes. 

8. ... how did jason just walk into arkham????? this is ridiculous.

8.3. i mean, clearly jason’s not thinking straight, but betraying batman like this puts his possibilities of being robin again even further away. 

8.5. watching that chemistry experiment montage was strangely funny. this guy is looking for an antidote to fear? well, constantly mixing up and inhaling gases concocted by a mad-scientist supervillain is something only the very fearless--reckless to the point of foolishness!--would do. what’s to say crane’s not given you a formula for a drug that will keep you tethered to his every will and whim? hmmmm?

8.7. so he sought out the joker to... test the formula??? 

9. wow the “loud and clear... boss” hits different after a whole episode of them referring to each other as father and son.

9.3. waitwaitwait HOLD UP. wait a DANG MINUTE. you’re telling me that scarecrow had enough resources that he could not only have folks on the outside steal jason away and dunk him in a lazarus pit (i TOLD you that this show would bring up and dismiss ra’s al ghul in a ten second aside! I TOLD YOU) but also have his own little chemistry lab in the basement, AND have enough resources for jason to build his red hood persona???????? all of this in barely twenty four hours?

well there goes my ‘jason orchestrated his death’ theory. it was nice while it lasted. *cups hands to the sky* fly away, my baby.

9.6. a part of me is gleeful at the rushed nature of such an iconic transformation though, especially when compared to all the character work that went before it. we’re so used to getting the opposite that it’s fucking delightful to have a show that’s more interested in exploring its characters’ minds rather than battle scenes or recreating transformations from the comics. that’s taken such bold and exciting steps to fully convey all the nuances of its most recognisable character, bruce wayne, from casting an older actor to play him to unflinchingly showing just how damaging the vigilante lifestyle has been to him and the people he loves. BRILLIANT

*sporfle*

10. again, heads up: a whole lot of flashing lights between 40:28 and 42:00. 

10.3. i guess it’s the super-compressed timeline that’s really throwing me off. where did he have the time to get/develop the mind control thing from? or is it something that he got from the cabal of villains that he intimidated at the beginning of 3.02? very messy.

10.5. i love molly, i hope she shows up again this season.

11. aaaand that’s it! that was a solid episode as flashback episodes go, but now i can’t wait to return to the present.

[atlafan]

Office Neighbors - Part Twelve

a/n: a lot going on, but a happy time all around, enjoy! (reblogs and feedback are super helpful!) not proofread, sorry!

warnings: angst, fluff, smut...the word “homo” is used negatively. If that makes you uncomfortable, then please don’t read, or skip over that scene, you’ll be able to tell it’s coming. 

words: 16K

masterpost

Harry made love to you, quickly, before Andy got home. You both were just getting yourselves cleaned up when you heard the front door open and close.

“Hello?! I thought you guys were going to the pub.” Andy says and you both hustle out of the bedroom. “Did you say yes?”

“I said yes!”

Andy beams at the two of you and rushes over to give you both a hug.

“Congratulations!”

“Thanks, buddy, thought we all could go out and celebrate together.” Harry says. “Wanna go wash up?”

“Yeah!”

The three of you all go to the Thai place for dinner, and then head home to enjoy the ice cream cake. You were beyond excited, and you promised yourself you’d call everyone tomorrow to give them the good news.

“When are you gonna tell Mum?” Andy asks Harry with a mouth full of cake.

“Um, m’not sure yet. I’d like to tell my own mum first.” Harry chuckles. “I’ll have to FaceTime her when I first get up tomorrow.”

“I’m sure we’ll tell your mom soon, Andy.” You smile at him.

“What kind of wedding do you wanan have?”

“Small.” You and Harry say at the same time.

“Just close friends and immediate family.” Harry says.

“I thought girls liked big weddings, though?”

“Not all girls.” You laugh. “I think it’s more special when it’s intimate. When you have giant weddings you care more about making everyone coming happy when the days is supposed to be about you and your partner.”

“What did Phil and Julian do?” Andy asks.

“Oh, they’re not married. They’re in a civil union. They were rings, but they’re not married.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “It just wasn’t something they wanted to do. Not everyone needs to get married. I think it depends on your values and stuff. Your dad and I both really like the idea of marriage, so we’re getting married.” You smile.

Andy nods and continues on with his cake. Later on, after Andy goes to bed, you and Harry find yourselves having a little make out session in bed. You were straddling him, and he had his arms wrapped around you.

“Can I ask you something?” You breathe.

“Yeah.”

“I love the ring, I really do, but…” You bite your bottom lip.

“But what?”

“I just wasn’t expecting it to be so big.”

“That’s what she said.” He bursts out laughing and you roll your eyes with a sigh. “Sorry, I had to.” He strokes your cheek. “I figured that since we won’t be spending a lot on a big weeding that I could go a little extra on the ring.” He pecks your now swollen lips. “I thought you deserved a nice, big rock to go along with my nice, big co-“

“If you finish that sentence I swear to god I will pack up and leave.” Harry laughs and grins at you. “You’re in a goofy mood tonight.” You run a hand through his hair.

“I’m giddy, babe.” He kisses you again. “I’ve never had a fiancé before.”

“Hmm, me neither.” You smirk.

“Look at us, having a real first together.” He boops your nose and you can’t help but giggle. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

You lean back in and lightly bite down on his bottom lip. You suck on it before licking into his mouth. He squeezes your hips before sliding his hands to your ass. One of his hands traces around your stomach and inside your leggings. He tugs on the band of your panties and slips his hand inside there as well. You grunt against his lips, but let him continue. His fingers slide between your folds, and you tug at his hair.

“Sure you’re not too tired for this? You’ve had a long day…” He says as he looks up at you, still feeling around.

“Yes.” You groan. “Then when we’re done I’ll be about ready to pass out.”

“Okay.” He cranes his neck to kiss you, and he slides two fingers inside you.

You gasp into his mouth from the feeling. He drags his fingers in and out of you slowly and rub his thumb over your clit. You rock your hips back and forth at the same pace as his fingers. You grip at his shoulders as it becomes more intense.

“Put one of your hands back in my hair, babe.” He grunts. You were soaking his fingers and he was trying to not lose it in his pants.

You do as he says and get a good grip on his locks and he moans softly. You press your lips back to his, not wanting to be too loud, and continue to ride his fingers. He curls them up and pets them against your front wall and you gasp again. You continue to moan into each other’s mouths as you get closer to your breaking point. The hand you have on his shoulder slides down his torso, and you tug on his jeans.

“No, it’s okay.” He tells you. “This is just about you, Y/N.”

“But it’s gonna hurt if I don’t.” You whimper.

“It’s fine, baby, just wanna get you off.”

He bites your bottom lip and your eyes roll into the back of your head. You come around his fingers and ride out the shocks. He slowly removes his hand from you and he sucks his fingers into his mouth as you catch your breath.

“Harry, are you sure you don’t want me to-“

“No, sweetheart.” He pecks your lips. “You were gone for so long, just missed you.”

You kiss him again and get off of him to go clean yourself up. Truth be told, even if Harry had let you rub and tug at him, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to come. He was fine earlier, but the conversation during cake was distracting him. How was he going to tell Paige has engaged, and more importantly, how was he going to tell her she wasn’t invited?

//

Harry had sworn Andy to secrecy. He explained he wanted Paige to find out from him. Anne and Gemma were overjoyed with the news, as were your family and friends. You sent them all pictures. You even had Andy take a few pictures of you and Harry together in the backyard as a makeshift engagement shoot, it was fun. Andy blew bubbles to add some aesthetically pleasing effects.

“I swear if he doesn’t go to a college for art, it would be a damn shame.” You say as you look through the pictures. “Might post this one on my insta.” You show Harry a photo of you and him, he was holding you from behind and you both had big smiles on your face.

“Whatever you want, babe.” He kisses your cheek.

“So, there’s something I wanna run by you…” Andy was over at Caroline’s today so it was the perfect time to chat about wedding stuff. You were outside with him as he was gardening.

You enjoyed sitting in a chair while he would tend to the flowers. He always looked so cute with his bucket hat and tools.

“What’s up?” He says, turning to look at you. He takes his hat off and wipes some sweat from his forehead.

“How long do you wanna wait to actually get married? I mean…there’s not rush, but I don’t know if I wanna wait that long.” You look down at your lap and twiddle your thumbs. “I’m one-hundred percent sure about us…”

“So am I.” He scoots over to sit in front of you and he takes your hands in his. “Wouldn’t have proposed if I wasn’t. I just figured we’d be engaged for a while so we weren’t planning while you were working. This is a big year for you.”

“I know…but planning a wedding could be a good distraction for me. It’s like you’re always saying, I probably don’t have a great work-life balance. I could carve out time to work on both.”

“Alright, when are you thinking, then? This spring?”

“I was actually sort of thinking later this fall.” You mumble and look at him. His eyes widen and his mouth suddenly feels dry. “Like beginning of November? I was thinking maybe we could have a really small ceremony at the Boston Commons, and then Julian mentioned on the phone he could get us a deal at the hotel. It would be perfect for your family and whatever friends you’d want to have fly in. He said we could use one of the smaller function rooms for the reception. It’s still warm enough in Boston in November to be able to do something outside too.”

“Would…would just a couple of months be enough time for you to get an outfit together. I know you said you weren’t sure if you wanted to wear a dress, but fittings take time regardless.”

“Honestly, I was thinking of just taking a trip down to Macy’s with Nora and looking at some stuff there. I might wear a dress, but if I see a pantsuit I like I may go for that. I’ll wear white still, I think, I don’t really like the blushes or the peaches…” You try to read his face, which could be very difficult sometimes. “Are you having an internal freak out? Is this all too soon for you?”

“No, not at all…um, people just might think you’re, uh, pregnant since we’re rushing a little.” He swallows. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

“What? No, I would tell you if I was, babe.” He nods at that. “I just, I mean, it’s nice to be your fiancé, I just can’t wait to be your wife, that’s all.”

His features completely soften. He felt like a puddle of mush. He was so fucking in love with you, and that love, for the first time in his life, was actually being reciprocated. Truth be told, he’d take you right to the courthouse now if he could. He definitely didn’t want a long engagement, he just didn’t want to add to your stress. He stands up and cups your cheeks and presses his lips to yours in a tender kiss.

“Come on, let’s go inside.”

“But you’re gardening.”

“I’ll get back to it in a minute. Let’s go grab my planner and see what weekend could work best in November.”

“You’re serious?!” You nearly squeal as you stand up.

“Yeah.” He smiles. “I wanna be your husband as soon as possible too.”

You wrap your arms around Harry’s neck, and he hugs you back briefly before you go inside. He grabs his planner from up in the loft and you both go into the kitchen to sit at the table to look at it.

“Here.” He taps on a date. “November 6th…”

“Oh, and it’s a Saturday, that’d be perfect, baby.”

“You really wanna get this all together by then? It’s gonna be a lot.”

“Julian’s got my back with the hotel, and Phil said his restaurant could cater the buffet. We’ll save a ton of money. Also, Mark’s part-time job is a DJ, so music is covered too. We just need to get your family here, essentially.”

“What about a honeymoon? Do you wanna take a trip or something?”

“Andy usually goes to Paige’s for Thanksgiving, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So what if we just take that entire week off? We could go somewhere warm if you wanted…or, I mean…I’m sure I’ll be spending the holidays in London with you, we could go on a trip then?”

“No, that’s a family thing, and yeah, you’re definitely coming.” He ponders for a moment. “I think a trip during Thanksgiving week could be fun, actually. You won’t miss your family?”

“I mean, I will, but we’ll see them at the wedding.” You shrug. “I’d much rather take a little vacation with you.”

“Where would wanna go?”

“On a gigantic level if money was no object? I’ve always wanted to go to Greece, but I know that would be tough to swing, especially on such short notice…”

“Hmm.” He puckers his lips in thought. “Yeah, that’s something we should really plan out…maybe we could save that trip for another special time.” You nod at him. “Somewhere warm…oh! What about Florida? That’s a perfect time of year to go, and hurricane season will be over. We could go to Miami or something.”

“I’ve never been to Miami! That would be a lot of fun, there’s so much to do there.”

“Alright, it’s settled then.” He slaps his hand down on his planner playfully. “We’ll get married in on the 6th, and then we’ll go on our honeymoon during Thanksgiving. I’m a master at planning flights, so let me take care of that, yeah? If Phil could get us a menu or something I’d like to do a tasting…”

“Agreed.” You were smiling ear to ear. “Oh my god, we just set a date!” You squeal and throw your arms around him. “I love you.” You kiss him. “I love you so much.” You kiss him again.

“I love you too, baby.” He kisses you. “Now, let me go back to tending to my flowers, I’ll be pissed if my roses get fucked up.”

He gets up and you can’t help but giggle at him.

//

It was time for the annual back to school shopping trip. You stayed back since it was a tradition for Andy to go with just his parents. You didn’t mind. Andy not only needed new school supplies, but he needed some new clothes as well. He had grown another few inches over the summer. His doctor thinks he’s going to be about six feet by the time he’s a sophomore in high school. Harry and Paige decide to meet up at Old Navy for the shopping spree.

“Okay, Mum and I are going to hang by the changing rooms. You can go around the store on your own, look for sales, and then you will try on the clothes for us.” Harry says firmly.

“Fine, but no coming into the room with me.” Andy mutters. “It’s embarrassing.” His voice cracks slightly and then he clears his throat.

“So you want me to tug on your jeans out in the open? Alright.” Paige shrugs.

Andy makes an exasperated noise and walks away, making Harry and Paige laugh. The two make their way to go sit at the chairs outside the changing rooms.

“I’m surprised you’re not looking around yourself.” Harry says to her.

“I have plenty of clothes.” She chuckles.

“Listen, uh, while he’s busy looking at clothes, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” He takes out his phone and shows Paige his lock screen, which was now a picture of you two kissing, and you were cupping Harry’s cheek with your left hand to showcase the ring. Andy had given you about two seconds to stage the photo.

“Um…why are you showing me a picture of you two kissing?”

“Look closer, at her hand.” He sighs.

Paige squints and then gasps, putting a hand over her mouth.

“Oh! You…you proposed to her already? That’s great! Congratulations.” She moves to hug him, but he shakes his head no.

“We’re in public.” He mumbles. “Anyways, yeah, we’re engaged now.”

“That’s incredible, I’m really happy for you.” She gives him a sincere smile. “Andy knows?”

“Yeah.”

“When did you do it?”

“A week or so ago.”

“And you’re just telling me now?”

“No offense, but you weren’t exactly top of my list of people to tell immediately. I was waiting until I saw you for this. We’ve been busy figuring things out. What Andy doesn’t know is that we’ve set a date already. We plan to tell him later. We wanted to make sure everything could happen where we want it before we started telling people.”

“Holy shit, you already set a date?” She puffs out some air from her lips. “Well, that’s great. When is it? I’ll put it in my phone now.”

“You don’t need to do that.” He puts his hand over hers to stop her from taking her phone out. “We’re keeping it really small.”

“So?”

“So…immediate family and close friends only at the ceremony and then a few extra friends at the ceremony.” She gives him a confused look. “You…you’re not invited.”

Before she has a chance to react Andy comes over holding a pile of clothes.

“Do I need to try every little thing on? Or is one outfit okay?”

“One, um, one outfit’s fine.” Paige says. “Go on.”

“Mum, are you okay, you look pale?”

“The, uh, leather from the shoe section is wafting over here and it’s giving me a headache. I’m fine, baby, go try your things on.” They watch Andy go into the dressing room, and she turns to look at Harry. “Alright, run that by me again.”

“You heard me the first time.” He says quietly. “You may have wanted me at yours, but I don’t want you at mine. Do you know how embarrassing it was to be put at the old college buddy table?”

“I thought you’d feel more comfortable there! Where did you want me to put you?”

“How about with my son?!”

“Okay.” Andy says coming out in a tee shirt and jeans. “Tug away if you must. They fit really well, though.” Paige huffs and stands up to check out the clothes. She tugs on the waist of Andy’s jeans and nods. “Can we go to the shoe store after? I was thinking I could get some boots for fall.”

“What kind of boots?” Paige asks. “You have two sets of snow boots, and rain boots already.”

“Like…like the boots Dad wears.”

“I can order you some online, I get them from a shop in London.” Harry says. “I like this outfit on you, go ahead and change and then we can check out.”

“I don’t know why you thought now would be a good time to bring this up to me.” She says. “You’re really hurting my feelings, Har.” She says quietly as Andy goes to change.

“I knew I’d be seeing you.” He shrugs. “I…I can’t keep doing this with you.”

“Doing what?”

“Pretending like we’re best friends who hooked up once and accidentally got pregnant. We were in a relationship for two years, and then you decided to walk away. Fine. We see each other and do this co-parenting for Andy. I feel like I leaned on you for a long time because you were around, but I have someone else in my life now to fill the hole you created.” He runs a hand through his hair and blinks a couple of tears away. “You have no idea how hard it was to sit there and watch you walk down an aisle that didn’t lead towards me.”

“Harry, I-“

“Okay, all set.” Andy says. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s my allergies, let’s go checkout.”

“Can we get lunch before we go to Staples?” He asks, and Harry and Paige look at each other.

“I don’t have time for that, honey.” Paige says. “Um, are you starving? I could get you a pretzel for a snack?”

“Okay.” Andy shrugs.

Paige and Harry split the payment for the clothes. Andy carries his bags out of the store, and Paige pulls Harry to walk next to her, behind Andy.

“This conversation isn’t over.” She says quietly to him. “Clearly you’ve been keeping some things buried and we need to hash it out.”

“Fine, but I’m not changing my mind about the wedding.”

The rest of the afternoon Harry and Paige said about two words together. She hugs Andy goodbye before she gets into her own car. Andy climbs into the back seat of the car.

“Hey, Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“When can I start sitting in the front seat?”

“Hm, I don’t know, they change the safety ages all the time. When you’re thirteen I think? I can check when we get home.”

“Okay.” Andy picks at his bottom lip, a habit he picked up from Harry. “Is everything okay between you and Mum?”

“Never better, why?”

“Things just seemed weird with you both today.” Harry sighs at that. He’s not sure how honest he should be with Andy about all this.

“I told her about my engagement, and she was really happy for Y/N and I…but then I told her we set a date.”

“You did?! When?!”

“A couple of days ago, please act surprised, Y/N and I wanted to tell you together.”

“Okay.”

“So, Mum wanted to know when the date was, and I told her she didn’t need to worry about it because…I wouldn’t be inviting her.”

“But she invited you to hers, how does that make sense?”

“Andy.” Harry sighs again. “I only went to hers because of you. I wanted to see you all dolled up and walk her down the aisle. I also knew she just needed a little extra support because of Gramp not physically being there.”

“I’m…really confused…I thought you were, like, friends.”

“I know, it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Mum and I are friends, but sometimes she acts like we’re best friends, and it makes things difficult for me. I think she forgets that she…that she broke my heart, and that since it’s been so long it shouldn’t matter anymore, and I should just be over it, and I am, in a way, but I don’t like getting too comfortable with her.” Harry pulls into the garage and turns the car off. He turns to look at Andy. “I know you don’t know the full story, and you don’t really need to. Mum and I are okay, you don’t have anything to worry about, alright?” Andy nods at him. “Good, now, let’s go inside, Y/N will want to see all your new things.”

Andy acted as surprised and excited as he could when you and Harry told him about the date for the wedding. He was shocked that it was happening so soon, but happy for the both of you. He was excited to be a part of another wedding since his mother’s ended up being so much fun.

“Will I be allowed to bring friends?” Andy asks.

“You can bring one friend.” Harry says. “That’ll be fun, a little sleepover in a hotel.”

“Yeah! Wait, the Ariana Grande concert is in November…”

“No worries, Andy, it won’t conflict with anything.” Your assure him.

“Okay good.” He sighs with relief. “Caroline’s coming with me to that, so I guess I’ll invite Brandon to the wedding.”

“We’ll make sure to put you both in a suite with Grammy and Auntie Gem. You, Brandon, Ritchie, and Lizzie can all have your own party.”

“Cool.” Andy smiles. “I’m really happy for the both of you.” He gives you both a hug, and then goes into his room to put his things away.

“Well, he’s certainly handling things better than when Paige got engaged.”

“I think this is different with him. He had her to himself his whole life, and then all of a sudden he didn’t. I’d probably be resentful too, but he said he had a really great summer with Noah and Rachel, and that’s all that matters to me.” He looks back towards Andy’s room. “Can we go chat up in the loft?”

“Yeah.” You follow Harry upstairs.

“Just wanted some privacy, um, I told Paige we were engaged today.”

“Oh! How did she take it?”

“Good…at first.”

“What happened?”

“I told her we had set a date already, and she wanted to know what it was, and I told her it didn’t matter because she wasn’t invited.”

“And you thought a good time to have that conversation was while you were clothes shopping with your son?” You ask flatly.

“Everyone’s always telling me to rip the band aid, so I did.” He huffs. “We’re meeting tomorrow to talk more, she’s not happy with me right now, I sort of started to tell her off, but she just wasn’t understanding.”

“What else is there to talk about?”

“She seems to think we need to hash some things out, or whatever.”

“Well, there’s clearly some unresolved shit buried between the two of you. Where are you going to meet her?”

“For coffee in the morning…are you alright with that?”

“Yeah, I can hang out one on one with Andy for a bit. We can watch TV and eat pancakes.” You smile.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” He takes your hands in his. “I hate that I even have to deal with this bullshit.”

“Harry…” You nuzzle your nose to his. “It’s okay.” He pecks your lips and sighs.

“Thank you for always being so cool about all this. I don’t know I’d do if you were a classic psycho.” He laughs.

“Oh, I’m plenty psycho, just not about stuff like this.” You smirk and kiss his cheek as he laughs more. “This isn’t something I have much control over, you know? It is what it is.”

//

Harry wasn’t really looking forward to coffee with Paige, but he gets up and goes like he said he would. She was there waiting for him already, sipping on a piping cup of tea. He sees that there’s a second cup on the table already.

“Hi.” He says.

“Hey.” She says. “I got yours…black coffee.”

“Thanks.” He sighs and sits down.

“Okay.” She sighs. “I don’t want this turning into something heated, I think we can both have a mature discussion, we’re adults.”

“Right.”

“What you said to me yesterday, I…I didn’t realize you were still harboring those kinds of feelings. It’s been so long, Harry, I thought you were over all of it.”

“I am.” He says as he sips his coffee. “But I can’t help it when memories come back and I’m reminded that I wasn’t good enough to be the one to put on a wedding for.”

“We would have just gotten divorced, and you know it.”

“Did you ever even love me?”

“Of course I did! I just thought it was puppy love, infatuation…lust.” She chews her inner cheek. “I didn’t think I’d be spending the rest of my life with you, I was twenty-one years old! I still wanted my life to be my own. We had an accident, a happy one, and I don’t regret a thing, I love Andy with every fiber of my being, and I’m happy you’re his father.” She looks away and then back at Harry. “We wanted different things, Har.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“You wanted to get married and have more kids, did you not?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I didn’t.” She says bluntly. “I certainly didn’t want to have more kids.” She scoffs.

“But you’re such a good mum!”

“It’s my choice! I never wanted to have kids!” Harry’s eyes widen at that.

“Then why did you?”

“Because…because when I looked at all of my options, I just couldn’t…I don’t know, I looked at it as fate or something, like I was meant to have Andy or something. It was a perfect storm, Har, the condom broke, and it never had before, and I gotten off the pill. I was supposed to be Andy’s mom, and that was plenty. You deserve to be with someone who wants the same things as you. Part of why I ended up with Noah is because I knew he didn’t want more kids either. I also like that he’s older, but that’s a whole mixed bag that I won’t get into.”

“Right, because I’ll always be the immature punk?”

“You’re a fucking year younger than me, get over yourself.” She rolls her eyes. “You really don’t want me at your wedding?”

“No.” He sips his coffee. “The last thing I want to think about that day is you. It was nice of you to invite me to yours, and because of Andy and Y/N I went. If I didn’t have her I honestly don’t think I would’ve gone. I’m sick of carrying around all of this baggage, Paige. I’ve known you for fifteen years, or at least close to it, and I feel lucky that we don’t fucking hate each other, but we need to distance ourselves more.”

“How do you want to do that?”

“No more family vacations.” She frowns at that. “You can use the cabin whenever you want, I don’t care about that, but Andy’s not a baby anymore, we don’t need to do every little thing together like we were doing. Unless it’s his birthday or a holiday, we don’t need to do something as all of us together. I feel like we lean on each other for things more often than we should because we were such good friends at one point, but you have a husband now…you don’t need me.” He swallows. “And I don’t need you.”

“I see.”

“Do you? I feel like you live in a fantasy world sometimes, and I enable it to not make waves. You never ask if something is awkward for me, or-“

“So if we have a party or something on the boat for Labor Day, you wouldn’t come to something like that?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I’d have to ask my fiancé about how she would feel.”

“I just think it’s important to make memories with Andy with the two of us so he has that when he’s older.”

“And I agree with you. I’d like to continue doing our annual back to school shopping spree, and similar traditions. I think we’re really good co-parents, Paige, but that’s where it needs to end with us.” She blinks some tears away and then she chuckles.

“Feels like you’re breaking up with me. Must feel good.” She smirks.

“It does, in fact.” He smirks back at her. “You do understand where I’m coming from, though, right?”

“Yeah, I do.” She sighs. “I’m so sorry if I’ve been making things difficult for so long. I felt like because I left I needed to make sure you were okay, and that’s why I made sure to keep you so involved with everything. I wanted you to feel like family since yours is so far away.”

“And I appreciate that! Really, I do. I think for a while that worked for us, and maybe I was sort of relying on it because I was so focused on work, and I wasn’t really meeting people I wanted to date for long periods of time, but Y/N…she’s changed everything for me.” He takes a deep breath. “For so long I felt like I was never going to fall in love again, and that I somehow fucked up and missed my chance at having the love of my life, but I don’t believe that anymore. She’s the absolute love of my life, Paige.”

“I’ve never wanted anything more for you, Harry, please know that. I never wanted to hurt you, and I know it hurt like hell when I ended it. I knew things would work out for you eventually. I’ve loved seeing you so happy. You’ve got a pep to your step again.” She smiles. “Just like you used to.”

“So, we’re on the same page then…about us sticking to more boundaries?”

“Yeah.” She nods. “I think it’s for the best all around.” She sips her tea. “Will you at least send me pictures? I wanna see what Andy’s going to wear and all that. Oh!” She goes into her bag. “I don’t know if you want these, but I have some photos from the wedding. Ones with all of us, our friends, and a cute picture of you, Y/N, and Andy.” She takes out a baggie of pictures for Harry.

“Thank you, I do want these, actually. And I’ll make sure we send you pictures.” He smiles.

“Okay.” She smiles back. “Well, I’m glad we could just get it all out there and clear the air a bit.”

“I’m sorry I brought it all up while we were shopping with him, it wasn’t great timing.”

“It’s alright, I would have probably done the same thing if I were in your shoes.”

“While I have you…Andy asked me when he could start sitting in the front…”

“He did?!”

“Yeah, I told him I’d look it up. It’s thirteen, right?”

“I have no clue, those safety regulations change all the time. I’d say thirteen is good.”

“He’s gonna be so annoyed.” Harry chuckles.

“Just wait for him to bring it up again, and then tell him we said thirteen.” She crosses her arms. “And if he pulls some bullshit with you like he did with phone, you just send him to me and I’ll straighten his ass out.” She smirks.

“We’re excellent parents.”

//

With everything officially smoothed over with Paige, it was easy living for Harry. He was proud of himself for finally just laying it all out there. It made him much more chipper during syllabus week. It took your classes about two minutes into your lectures to realize the rock on your finger was an engagement ring, and many of your students squealed and congratulated you. Many that came by to see Harry congratulated him as well.

“Hey.” You say as you slip into his office, closing the door behind you and leaning against it. “Got a second?”

“Course, darling, what’s up?”

“Are we inviting our colleagues?” You whisper.

“To what?” You roll your eyes at him. “Ohhhh, our wedding.” He smirks.

“You’re not funny.”

“And yet, here we are, engaged.” He grins.

“Not for long.” You cross your arms.

“Alright, alright, don’t get your knickers in a twist. Would you like to invite them?”

“I mean…maybe to the reception? I really do want to keep the ceremony small.”

“I think we should invite them to the reception, yeah. They’ve been a part of our love story since the beginning, babe.”

“Especially Janette.” Harry nods at you. “Okay, so it seems like we’ll need to order some very specific invitations.” You chew your bottom lip.

“Y/N.” He hums. “This is supposed to be fun, remember?”

“It is!”

“You’re getting stressed.”

“I’m not!” He gives you an unconvinced look. “It’s the good kind of stress. The more we do, the more we get to check off, and then there’s no stress. I’m going shopping with Nora in a couple of weeks, I can’t wait.”

“Are you going to have a bach-“ There’s a knock on his door, and you open it.

“Oh…sorry to interrupt.” Andre blushes.

“You’re not!” You say. “We were just discussing, um, something not work related, I’ll just go.” You slip out.

“She can be a bit squirrelly sometimes.” Andre chuckles and Harry hums his response.

“What’s up?”

“Got an overload request from one of my students, and you’re his advisor so I need your signature.”

“Ah.” Harry waves him over and he signs the form. “They should really make these paperless so it’s les work.”

“I know, an email could easily suffice, thanks.”

Harry gets up and goes into your office, he closes the door and sits down in one of your chairs.

“Yes?” You chuckle.

“Has your hand been hurting at the end of the day?”

“No, why would it?”

“Well, it’s got so much extra weight on it now, I wanted to make sure.” He smirks, and you sigh heavily as you look at him. “Anyways, I was going to ask you if you plan to have a bachelorette party.”

“Oh, of course I do. Nora’s gonna plan the whole thing. We were thinking over Indigenous People’s Day weekend since most people will have that Monday off, do a long weekend type thing.”

“What do you think you’ll do?”

“Bar hop most likely.” You shrug. “Dance, drink, that sort of stuff. Are you going to have a bachelor party?”

“I don’t know who I’d have it with…” He twiddles his thumbs. “My two best mates live overseas, and I don’t want to ask them to fly twice, that would be insane.”

“So have them fly in a few days early and do something fun with them then. Our parties don’t need to be on the same day, you know? I’m sure we’ll be having lots of little parties between now and then.”

“True, Lucas sent us two different calendar invites.” He chuckles as he stands up. “Just promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“No strippers.” You burst out laughing at that. “Or exotic dancers.”

“What century are you living in?!” You wipe a tear away. “Harry, the only man I want giving me a lap dance is you, okay?” He nods as you bite your bottom lip.

“What?”

“Would you ever give me one? Do a little strip tease?”

“Maybe on our honeymoon.” He turns to walk towards your door, and then he looks at you over his shoulder. “And only if you’re a good girl.”

A chill goes up your spine as he leaves your office.

“What a fucking menace.” You say to yourself as you try to shake his words off.

//

Seventh grade was off to an interesting start. Harry annoyed Andy by taking first day of school pictures before he dropped him off. It was a new hallway and a new locker to get used to. Mostly everyone he had homeroom with the year prior was in his homeroom again. He noticed that some people had gotten taller, some voices had gotten deeper, some people’s skin had started to break out, and some of the girls looked…fuller. Andy hadn’t really noticed the changes amongst himself or his friends. Caroline was still as sweet as ever, but she did tell him in confidence that she started getting her period, so if sometimes she got snappy with him that may be why. Andy knew he had gotten a little taller, and he knew his voice was starting to crack, but he was thankful nothing else had really seemed to change.

He walks into his new homeroom, and sits down. Every year it was the same thing. The teacher would ask everyone their named, they’d give out locker information, and then the school handbook. Brandon comes in and sets next to Andy. This year Andy’s homeroom teacher was a science teacher, so it was all bench seating with two to a table.

“Hey.” Brandon yawns. “It’s crazy, every year I think I can get up early for school no problem, but here I am, running late.” He rolls his eyes.

“My dad makes me go to sleep and get up early at least a week before school starts. It’s annoying, but it helps.”

“It’ll only get worse, too.” Caroline says as she sits down with Tyler at the bench next to him. All of the tables were set up around the perimeter of the room. Andy was happy he’d be sitting next to his two best friends. “My sisters get up at 5:30 in the morning just to get ready for school.”

“Shit, why that early?” Brandon asks her.

“Shower, hair, makeup, and breakfast that my mom forces us to eat.”

“Luckily, we don’t have that problem.” Tyler says. “We can just roll out of bed.”

“Speak for yourself.” Andy scoffs. “I have to get up early to do my hair.” He runs a hand through it. Brandon smirks and ruffles Andy’s hair. “Quit it!” Andy giggles, and does the same to Brandon.

“You quit it.” Brandon giggles, and the two smile at each other.

After homeroom, it turns out Andy and Caroline have math together, and the teacher says they can sit where they like. They sit next to each other, and she smiles at him.

“What?”

“You know, you never told me what happened with you and Brandon after I left the wedding.”

“That’s because nothing happened.”

“So you didn’t dance with him?”

“No, we danced, but that was it…his dad called to tell him to be ready.”

“And nothing happened later on? I mean you both hang out all the time.”

“The timing just hasn’t been right.” Andy shrugs. “Playing basketball and skateboarding isn’t exactly romantic, Caroline…” He mutters.

“Sure it can! Remember when you were showing me? You had to put your hands on my hips and hold my hands.”

“That was so you wouldn’t fall!” He blushes. Andy remembers that day really well, and even though he asked Caroline first if he could touch her, he definitely enjoyed being able to show her a thing or two.

“Mhm, sure.” She smiles. “All I’m saying is, anything could be turned into a date.”

“Well…you know how my dad and Y/N are getting married in a couple of months?” She nods yes. “It’s gonna be in Boston, and I wanna invite him. They said I could have one friend come.”

“Oh, that’ll be great! I bet-“

“Alright, class, settle down. I’m hoping you all did your summer math work as we will be going over that after I take attendance. Welcome to pre-algebra.” The teacher says and everyone gets quiet. “Once we’re done with that, I’m going to give you all a pre-test to see what you remember.” The majority of the class groans. “I know, I know, a test on the first day, but it’s just for me to see how I can best help you.”

Andy takes his planner out and flips through a few months.

“What are you doing?” Caroline whispers.

“Counting down the days until art starts.” He side eyes her and she has to bite back a laugh.

After school, Brandon and Andy stand together as they wait for their rides. It was only a half day, but they were both exhausted.

“I’m really glad we have science and history together.” Brandon says to him.

“Me too. I have some classes with Caroline and Tyler too.”

“Same here. And there’s gym too for all of us at least.”

“I’m just glad we’ll still be able to call each other to do homework. I’d be really lost without you, B.”

Brandon smiles at Andy, and before Andy can say something else, he sees your car pull up. The boys say goodbye, and Andy climbs into the backseat.

“How was your first day?” You say to him.

“Okay.” He shrugs. “I think math is gonna be tough this year.”

“Well, lucky for you I’m pretty good at math, so don’t be afraid to ask me for help.”

“Thanks, Y/N. Is Dad teaching?”

“Yup, he’s in the middle of class. He’ll be able to get you tomorrow.” She grins. “I thought we could be a little adventurous and go to McDonald’s for lunch.”

“Dad doesn’t let me go there…”

“Well, you’re not with Dad, are you?”

“Can you even get anything there?”

“There’s a flurry and a large fry calling my name.”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re the best.”

//

Harry comes back from his class to see Andy sitting in his office. He was munching on some apple slices.

“Hey, buddy, how was school?”

“Good.”

“Did you have anything for lunch, or do you need some money?”

“No, Y/N took me to get something to eat quick.”

“Yeah?” Harry smiles. “What did you have?”

“Um…well…I don’t wanna get her in trouble…” He swallows his last apple slice as Harry furrows his brows at him.

“What do you mean?”

“She took me to McDonalds.”

“Andy.” Harry sighs. “Why would you ask her to take you there when you know I don’t want you eating that stuff?”

“She asked me! I told her you didn’t really like it, but she said it would be fine. I didn’t even get fries! I got a happy meal with apple slices.”

“That burger is gonna sit like a rock in your stomach.”

“I got chicken nuggets.” He mumbles.

“Whatever.” Harry huffs and sits down. “Your classes went alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

Later that night as you were getting ready for bed, you could tell Harry was a little tense. You brush your teeth and look at him through the mirror.

“Any particular reason why you’re staring?” He asks as he spits the mouthwash he was swishing into the sink. He turns around to look at you.

“I’m just trying to read you. You’ve been sort of quiet today. Are you alright?”

Harry crosses his arms and looks at you intensely. You hated it when he looked at you like this. His features were hard, and he just looked intimidating.

“Why did you take Andy to McDonalds after he told you I don’t like him eating there?”

“Are you serious?” You laugh. “I just wanted to have a little fun with him.”

“By undermining me? Didn’t we have a chat about this, like, a long time ago when I did it to you? And that was by accident, you did this on purpose.”

“You act like my intention was malicious. What’s the big deal? We eat out all the time?”

“Yeah, we get pizza from the place downtown that uses locally sourced ingredients, or we get Thai food. Not fucking-“

“He got chicken nuggets and apple slices, it’s not like he pigged out.”

“Because he knows better.”

“You know, you never exactly told me he couldn’t eat there.”

“Well, he told you, and you went anyways.”

You had a couple of options here. You could easily argue with him. You could tell him how stupid it was to be upset over something like this, but if you did that you wouldn’t be validating his feelings. So, you swallow your pride.

“I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not.” He scoffs.

“Harry.”

“You’re only saying that because you don’t want me to be upset anymore.”

“You’ve been keeping this bottled up all day.” You sigh.

“Because I didn’t want to talk about it in front of him.” He looks away.

“Say it, Harry.”

“Say what?” He looks at you again.

“Tell me he’s your kid and not mine, and that I had no right to just change the rules.”

“Y/N.”

“It’s okay, that’s what you’re thinking, right? It’s not like that’s false. He’s your kid, and I’m his buddy. Maybe that’s all I’ll ever be to him, but someday you and I are gonna have a baby, and I’d like to treat that eventual kid once in a while with some fast food.”

“I guess we can cross that bridge when we come to it.” He plucks at his bottom lip. “You’re more than just a buddy to him, you have to know that. That’s not what I was trying to say, I just wished you had asked me first.”

“You were in class! I just, ugh, I had a craving for fries and ice cream, I really am sorry.”

“A craving, huh?”

“Don’t even go there. You never crave food?”

“Sure, I crave things all the time, doesn’t mean I always indulge.”

“I won’t take your son there again, okay?”

“Stop it.” He puts his hands on your shoulders. “He’s yours too. And maybe I should have told you I didn’t want me ingesting that crap.” You roll your eyes at that. “But I know he sees you as a mom.”

“I mean, one time he told me I’d make a good one, but-“

“He referred to you as ‘Mum’ once.”

“He did?! When?”

“When we went to Boston over April vacation, when I had to put him to bed…he said he was having fun with me and ‘Mum’…he was like half asleep, but still.”

“Maybe he just got me confused with Paige.”

“No, baby, he knew who he was talking about.” Harry hugs you, and cups your jaw. “He loves you and he knows you love him too, and I love knowing that you two are bonding. Take him to Sub Way next time, yeah?”

“Okay.” You smile and he kisses you. “I really am sorry, I didn’t think you’d be so upset.”

“It’s alright…we’re on the same page now, right?”

“Yeah.”

He nods and lets you go. You both get into bed and curl up with each other. You turn over to face him, and you nuzzle into his chest. He holds you close to him and strokes your back. He kisses your forehead and basically lulls you to sleep. Times like this you didn’t mind being babied at all.

//

“Look at that size of that thing!” Nora exclaims when she meets you at the mall in Manchester to go shopping. “Makes sense that he got you something so massive. Big dick, big ring.”

“Nora!” You squeal and nudge her. “Shh, come on, let’s go look at clothes.”

“Still thinking you might wanna do a suit?”

“Yeah, I feel like I’ll be the most comfortable in that. I feel like I’ll just look classy, you know?”

“You’ll look stunning.”

You both walk through Macy’s and look at all of the options. The pants were the easiest part. A high-waist pair of slacks would look gorgeous, it was finding the right top. You didn’t want to wear a body suit or a corset.

“Oh! What about this?” Nora says, waiving you over. “It’s lace, so it’ll add some texture.”

“It’s beautiful. I like the spaghetti straps. Let’s see if it works with the pants and blazer.”

“And the heels. You’re gonna be a show stopper.” You both giggle and go into the dressing room. You try everything on and step out. “It’s gorgeous, it’s so you in every way.”

“You think so?” You bite your bottom lip. “I think a bun and a veil will look great with it. I love it.”

“Harry really doesn’t care you won’t be in a dress?”

“Nah, I was actually thinking of changing into a short dress for the reception. Something simple.”

“Oh! I saw a cute short, white dress out there. Let me go grab it. It had a high neckline, but it was open in the back.”

“That sounds perfect!”

You buy everything, and have them put into nice dress bags. You and Nora decide to grab a bite to eat.

“So…can I ask you something?” Nora says to you.

“Of course.”

“Not that I’m not over the moon happy for you, but is there a reason you’re getting married so fast? I know you’ve known for a couple of years, and things are different at our age, but…you’re barely going to enjoy your engagement.”

“I’m enjoying it plenty, trust me. I just didn’t want to wait until after I got my doctorate, you know? I…I wanna start trying for a kid as soon as I get my degree, and I told him I didn’t care if we were married or not, but I think I do care. I wanna be married and have that extra security if I’m going to have a baby with someone. We love each other, why wait?”

“And he’s okay with all this?”

“Yeah! I think sometimes it’s tough for him to accept how much I wanna be with him because of his ex, but he’s coming around. He’s really excited. I mean, I am too. I’m finally going to meet his family in person, and his two best friends.”

“Maybe one of them will fall in love with me, and I’ll have my own British man to sweep me off my feet.”

“One of them’s Irish.”

“Mm, even better.”

You both laugh and continue eating before you part ways. Harry had taken Andy out for the day, so you were able to slip inside and hide your new things in the back of your closet.

//

“Dad, today was awesome!”

“Yeah, wasn’t too embarrassing going bowling with your old man?”

“No way, we haven’t gone in forever, it was fun. And I broke my high score on the pinball machine.” Andy was biting into a slice of pizza while Harry was sitting across from him smiling, resting his chin in his palm. “It’s kind of like when I used to just see you on the weekends.”

“Yeah, I really was your classic weekend dad, huh?” He chuckles.

“No, weekend dads let you eat candy until your teeth rot out and let you stay up really late. You still made me follow all of Mum’s rules.”

“Because I respect her, and she respects me.” Harry sits up straight. “Listen, there’s something I wanna ask you.”

“What’s up?” Andy wipes his mouth with a napkin and looks at Harry.

“Well…I was chatting with Uncle Niall and Uncle Louis the other day about the wedding. They’re itching to know who my best man is going to be.”

“That’s gotta be hard to choose between the two of them. You guys are like the three musketeers.”

“We are! But my choice is pretty easy because I don’t want it to be either of them. See, there’s this other man in my life I think would make a lot more sense to be my best man.”

“Really, who?” Harry grins at Andy and his eyes widen. “Me?!”

“Yes, you. No one else felt right.”

“So, will my suit be different that the others?”

“Of course.”

“Can I have my nails done the same as you?”

“You really want to?”

“Yeah…I wanna get into painting them more. I think it would be cool if we matched.”

“Definitely.”

“I’m really excited, Dad, thanks…this means a lot to me.”

“It means a lot to me that you wanna do it. You’re really becoming a nice young man, Andy.”

Andy gets up and hugs his dad. Today was a really good day. He can’t wait to tell you the good news when he gets in.

“Babe! We’re home!” Harry says as him and Andy get inside.

“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite guys.” You smile as you come down from the loft. You kiss Harry’s cheek and give Andy a hug.

“I take it the shopping went well?” Harry asks.

“Very well, so no snooping through my closet.” You say firmly.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Y/N, guess what?” Andy says.

“What?”

“I’m gonna be Dad’s best man.” He beams at you.

“That’s amazing!” You hug the both of them again. “It’s all coming together.”

//

“Andy, if you move, I’m gonna mess it up.” You tell him as you paint his nails black. He asks you to leave his pinkies purple.

“Sorry.” He watches you. “You don’t think I’m gonna get made fun of, do you?”

“Lots of guys are painting their nails nowadays. Just look at your dad, no one makes fun of him.”

“Yeah, but he’s big and strong, and could knock someone’s lights out.”

You swallow at that. It was true. Harry was a boxer, and if he really wanted to, he could beat the shit out of someone.

“You know violence isn’t the answer.”

“I know…I’m just not as intimidating as he can be.”

“You have his eyes, you just need to learn how to stare someone down the way he does and you’re golden.” You wink at him and he chuckles. “Are you really nervous about someone making fun of you?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Wearing a bandana or clipping back my hair is one thing, I just don’t wanna come off…girly.”

“I take offense to that. I’m a girl, what’s wrong with looking like me?”

“I guess nothing.”

“I’ll paint mine just like yours, would you like that?”

“Yeah, thanks, Y/N.”

You and Andy had gotten into the habit of nail time. Harry would sometimes join in, which was fun, but it was something the two of you could do together. It was a Sunday evening ritual. Andy’s friends loved the different combinations he would go with. Andy blushed when Brandon held his hand to look over a design you had managed to get on his thumb one day.

Then one day during locker break, Andy was switching some books out that he wouldn’t need for the afternoon. There weren’t a lot of people around.

“Hey, Styles.” A boy, Greg, and some other boys come over to him.

“Oh, hey, Greg.” Greg slams Andy’s locker shit. “Um, I wasn’t finished in there…” He goes to turn his combination but Greg grabs his hand. “You better not have this when basketball season starts back up.”

“What do you care?” Andy yanks his hand away. “Don’t like it, don’t paint your nails.”

Greg looks at his friends and laughs before shoving Andy up against the lockers.

“What are you, a girl now? Is Andy short for Andrea?” Greg smirks.

“Obviously not, you idiot.” Andy huffs. “Let me go, Greg.”

“Make me.” He shoves Andy harder against the lockers. Andy tries to give him his most intimidating gaze, but it’s not doing much for him. “You know what else makes you a girl? You like boys, Andrea.”

“Don’t call me that! And who even told you that?”

“It’s so obvious you have a thing for Brandon. You two are always all over each other.”

“What do you care?!”

“It’s annoying to watch.”

“Hey! Let him go!” Brandon comes racing down the hall and yanks Greg away from Andy. “What is the matter with you?!” He shoves Greg.

“Oh, look, your boyfriend came to your rescue, how nice.”

Before he has a chance to say or do anything, Andy watches as Brandon’s fist connects with Greg’s jaw, causing Greg to fall to the ground.

“Boys! What is going on out here?!” One of the teachers says as she rushes to the scene. “Principal’s office, now!”

Andy and Brandon look at each other, and then make their way down the hall. They sit on a bench outside the principal’s office to wait their turn. Greg had to be brought to the nurse.

“Why did you do that?” Andy whispers.

“He was being an asshole, obviously. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine…he was being really…homophobic…” He shakes his head. “I didn’t think people were still like that.”

“Well, they are, and it’s scary.”

“Maybe I should stop painting my nails.” Andy looks down at his hands.

“No!” Brandon puts his hand over one of Andy’s. “I really like it on you. You rock it. You’re, like, so cool.”

The boys are both called in to give their side of the story, and then Greg is brought it. When they all come out, Andy’s eyes widen when he sees everyone’s parents in the lobby. You, Harry, Paige, and Noah were all trying to keep cool as you chatted with Mr. and Mrs. Stewart. Greg’s father was keeping to himself.

“Andy!” Harry yelps and rushes over to him. “Are you alright?” He puts his hands on Andy to check him over.

“I’m fine, can you stop?”

“Honey, what happened? We got a call that you were in a fight.” Paige says.

“Excuse me.” Principal Morrison comes out of his office. “If all the adults would like to come in.” He sighs. You and Noah start to walk forward. “Just biological parents please.”

“Principal Morrison, that’s my step-dad, and my almost step-mom, they can both go in.” Andy says.

“Andy, it’s fine, we’ll wait out here with you.” You tell him.

Harry nods at you and goes into the office with the other parents.

“Right, well, it seems that Greg picked a fight with Andy, and Brandon stepped in when he saw what was happening. Greg said some hurtful things to Andy.” Principal Morrison explains.

“Like what?” Harry asks.

“Apparently he started calling him Andrea, and was making fun of his nail polish.”

“Well, there you go then.” Mr. Foley, Greg’s father, says.

“Excuse me?” Paige says.

“What’s a boy wearing nail polish for?”

“Um…” Harry holds up his hands. “It’s pretty common, mate.”

“It’s not like Brandon to be violent.” Mrs. Stewart says.

“He seemed to be defending Andy.” Principal Morrison says.

“It’s not common, actually, it’s odd.” Mr. Foley says. “Boys shouldn’t be painting their nails. I see how your boys are at basketball, it’s inappropriate.”

“They’re best friends.” Mr. Stewart says. “They’re close, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“They seem a little too close if you ask me.” Mr. Foley scoffs.

“Well, none of that should be any of your concern.” Harry says. “What my concern is,” he steps forward, “is that you seem to be teaching your son it’s okay to bully other people for being a little outside the box, and it’s borderline homophobic.”

“Maybe don’t raise a homo then.” Mr. Foley says bluntly.

“Gentlemen, please.” Principal Morrison says.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Paige says, also stepping forward.

“I said, don’t raise a homo and my son won’t have a problem.”

“Right, that’s what I thought.” She smirks, and lunges at Mr. Foley. Harry hooks an arm around her waist to hold her back. “You piece of shit, you think you’re this big tough man, teaching such awful values to your kid? You’re a piece of shit, and your son is following suit!” She struggles in Harry’s arms. “How fucking dare you!”

“Paige, settle down.” Harry says and she takes a deep breath as he lets her go. “Clearly Greg instigated things. Andy wouldn’t pick a fight with anyone. He knows how to use his words if he has a problem with someone.”

“Didn’t learn that from his mum now did he?” Mr. Foley smirks.

“Fuck you.” Paige spits.

“What can we do, um, moving forward? Are the boys going to be suspended?” Mrs. Stewart asks.

“Greg will be given in house suspension for instigating, and putt his hands on Andy. Unfortunately, because Brandon did hot Greg, he will be suspended for the rest of the week, and when he returns we have to give him a week of in house suspension.”

“So, even though he was just defending his friend, he’s going to get punished more?” Mr. Stewart asks.

“That’s the policy.” Principal Morrison sighs.

“What about Andy? Who’s to say that little fuck won’t bother him again?” Harry says. “I won’t have my son being afraid to go to school.”

“Andy wasn’t fighting so he won’t have to face suspension. His teachers will be alerted, and an eye will be kept on him. We have a zero tolerance policy for this kind of thing.”

Harry and Paige look at Mr. Foley.

“Tell your son to stay away from ours.” Harry says.

“No problem there. Don’t need any of what Andy’s got going on rubbing off on Greg.” He scoffs. “Are we done here?” He says to Principal Morrison.

“Yes.”

All of the adults leave the room, and everyone waiting looks at them. Mr. Foley grabs Greg’s arm and pulls him out of the room entirely.

“Brandon.” Mr. Stewart sighs. “You’re being suspended for the rest of the week, and then you’re gonna have in house suspension.”

“What?!”

“I know it doesn’t seem fair.” Mrs. Stewart says. “We’re proud of you for standing up for Andy, but you really shouldn’t have hit that boy, okay?”

“I’m really sorry, Brandon.” Andy had tears in his eyes.

“Don’t be.” Brandon says to him. “I’d do it again.”

//

The car ride home was quiet. You and Harry had to cancel the rest of your classes for the day. Paige and Noah were coming back to the house. Everyone sits down at the table when they get inside your home.

“Andy, I’d like to hear the full story, if you feel comfortable.” Paige says, putting her hand over his.

“I was at my locker, minding my own business, when Greg came over and he started up with me. He slammed my locker door shut and shoved me up against it. I told him to stop and he wouldn’t. Then he asked me if I was a girl, and I called him an idiot, and then Brandon ran down the hall and pulled him off of me, and then….ugh, then he called Brandon my boyfriend and that’s when he hit him.” Everyone looks at Andy with sad eyes. “I’m not gonna stop painting my nails, I’m not changing anything. Greg can go fuck himself.” He huffs, and you crack up first laughing, and then everyone else has a chuckle.

“I’m so sorry that happened.” Harry says to him. “Kids your age can be so mean, and he seems to be getting a negative influence from his father.”

“I wanted to slug him.” Paige says. “What a prick.”

“I feel bad that Brandon’s being suspended.” Andy says.

“I know.” Harry sighs. “Something tells me Principal Morrison won’t be putting it on his permanent record, though.”

“Do you all mind if I go lay down? I’m a little tired.”

“Of course, honey.” Paige hugs him and kisses the top of his head.

They all watch as Andy stands up.

“Um…it was nice having all four of you there…thanks.”

“What exactly is going on between him and Brandon?” Paige asks quietly.

“Nothing.” You say. “He would have told me if anything serious happened between them. I think something’s bound to happen at some point. I think they’re both still figuring it out.”

“It’s good Andy has such a good friend in his corner.” Noah says. “Everyone needs someone like that.”

Paige and Noah eventually leave to go be home in time for Rachel. Andy was asleep when they said goodbye. Or he was pretending to be. He was texting Brandon under his covers. He wanted to make sure he was alright.

“Andy?” You coo as you go into his room. “Dad made tacos if you’re hungry for dinner, honey.”

“Yeah, okay.” He sighs and gets up. “Thanks, I’m just gonna wash up.”

You nod and go back out to the kitchen.

“Is he coming out?” Harry asks as he gets everything on the table.

“Yeah.”

Dinner is mostly quiet, but Andy seemed to be doing okay. You and Harry cozy up on the couch with separate books, and Andy comes out.

“Can I watch TV?”

“Sure.” Harry says, handing him the remote.

“Can I…sit between you two?”

“Of course!” You say and scoot away from Harry to make room.

Andy plops down between the two of you, and puts on some show on Cartoon Network. You and Harry keep mindlessly reading. You were half expecting Andy to lay in your lap, but about twenty minutes in you look over and see Harry watching the show with him, his arm around Andy, and Andy’s head nuzzled into his chest. It was so sweet you thought it was going to give you a cavity. Harry was eating it up too. Even though he knew this was a really tough day for Andy, he was happy to be having this moment with him. He knew as Andy got older they would just become fewer and farther between.

“Andy, if you don’t wanna go to school tomorrow, it’s okay to stay home.” Harry says to him.

“It’s okay, I’ll go. I’m not scared.” He yawns. “I’m gonna go read before bed, goodnight.”

“Night.” You say as he walks off. “I hope he’ll be alright.”

“He will be, he’s tough. Come on, we should go to bed too.”

You nod and follow him into your shared bedroom. You both go through your nightly routines and get into bed. He holds onto you a little tighter than he normally does. You knew he had have been worried about Andy, but he was trying to keep it cool for everyone else’s sake.

“Harry?”

“Hm?”

“How about I be big spoon tonight?”

“Alright.” He rolls over and you wrap yourself around him. He’d never admit it, but he needed this tonight.

//

Harry’s alarm goes off at five in the morning. You groan and roll onto your back to let him get up, only he turns it off and turns on his side to look at you. He reaches to stroke your cheek, and he takes your out stretches hand to his lips. He kisses on your palm and wrist.

“You’ll be miserable if you don’t do your yoga.” You mutter with your eyes closed.

“Don’t feel like it.” He mumbles as he continues to kiss on your hand.

You turn your head and open your eyes to look at him slightly. You move your fingers to his mouth and he sucks on your pinky. A small whimper leaves your lips and that’s when he knows he has you. He lets your pinky go with a pop and shifts under the blankets to get on top of you. You were naked, since that’s how you slept, and he only had boxers on. He mouths at your neck and licks up to your earlobe. He grinds his hard length against your center and he groans.

“Can feel how wet you are already.” He says into your ear. “I wanna fuck you.”

“You do?” You say innocently as he continues to grind himself against you. You move your hips up to meet his and he moans.

“Yes.” He kisses on your chest and sucks on one of your nipples. You push his hair back for him and you bite your bottom lip as you watch. “Can I?”

“Can you what?” You smirk.

“Fuck you. Please? I really want to.”

”Yes, Harry.”

He sighs with relief and rips the blankets away. He gets his boxers off and grabs a condom to roll on. He quickly gets back between your legs and you grind yourself against him.

“Like feeling me between your folds?”

“Yes.” He bites his bottom lip as he slowly pushes inside you. You moan out as he comes down to you, chest to chest. “Love it when you’re like this.” You pant. You move in sync with his thrusts and it has your eyes nearly crossing.

“Love it when you’re so good for me.” He moves to sit up on his knees, and pushes your thighs together. He grunts and his head rolls back. You take great pleasure in watching him lose himself. “You’re so fucking tight, Jesus.”

He lets your legs fall open and grips your sides as he continues to fuck in and out of you. You so a slight glute raise to give him a better angle, and you start rubbing your clit.

“Fuck, Harry.” You groan.

“Oh fuck, Y/N, oh god, shit.”

You both cry out and come at the same time. Your orgasm was so strong it just about brought you to tears. You cling to him as he falls on top of you. Your aftershocks cause you to clench around him a few times, but he continues to stay inside you. He kisses your forehead and you wince as he pulls out.

“Can we cuddle for a bit?” He asks as he throws out the condom.

“Yeah, let me just pee.”

You get up quickly to clean yourself up and then you get back into bed with him. He rests his head on your chest and you scratch his head, running your fingers through his curls.

“I should have Andy stay home today…I know he said he’d go, but…”

“Harry, if he doesn’t go the bullies win. If he really didn’t want to go he would tell us. If he doesn’t go today it’ll just be more difficult to later.”

“I know, you’re right.” He sighs. “I just…I admire him so much. When I was his age I just dressed like everyone else, I never did anything out of the ordinary because I didn’t want to get made fun of. I didn’t become myself until uni. People still gave me looks, but I was old enough not to care. He’s only twelve. He may be brave, but he’s only twelve…I’d hate for any of this to break his spirit.”

“Well, luckily for him he’s got a great dad for a role model. He’s able to be himself because he sees you doing it every day.”

“I…really don’t know what I would do without you sometimes.”

You kiss the top of his head and use your other arm to hug him close to you.

//

Andy was very brave at school. Some of Greg’s friends glared at him, but he had Caroline and Tyler by his side. When Brandon returns to school, and into the actual classroom, Andy feels overjoyed when he sees him sitting in homeroom.

“Hey, B.” He says as he sits down.

“Hey.”

“Did you get all your work? They wouldn’t let me be the one to drop off the worksheets because of Greg.”

“Yeah, I’m all caught up, thanks.” He rests his chin in his palm and puts his other hand over Andy’s. “Missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Andy’s cheeks were on fire.

“Let’s see what we’ve got this week.” He looks at Andy’s nails. “Dark green?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s…that’s my favorite color.”

“I know.” Andy smirks, and now it’s Brandon’s cheeks that are on fire. “Are your parents mad at me or anything?”

“What? No, not at all. They were pretty cool about everything, actually.”

“Oh, good…”

“Why?”

“Because, um, when my parents get married, I mean, when my dad and Y/N get married, they said I could invite a friend for the weekend. It’ll be really fun since we’re staying in a hotel suite. We’ll be with my cousins Lizzie and Ritchie.” He swallows. “Would you want to go?”

“Are you serious? Yeah! I’ll ask my parents when I get home. When is it?”

“November sixth.”

“Cool.” Brandon smiles.

“Cool.” Andy smiles back. “My dad asked me to be his best man, too. It’s gonna be awesome.”

“Makes sense since you’re literally the best.”

“Brandon.” Andy giggles as he blushes.

“What?” He giggles too. “It’s true.”

//

“Have loads of fun, babe.”

“I would, but you won’t let go of me.” You chuckle.

This weekend was your bachelorette party, and Harry was hugging you goodbye out at your car, and he hadn’t let you go yet.

“Sorry.” He clears his throat and steps away from you. Then he steps closer to you again to kiss you for the millionth time.

“Har.” You giggle.

“I know, I’m being clingy, I’m sorry. I thought I’d have Andy for the long the weekend…I’m not sure what I’m gonna do with myself.”

“Why don’t you hang out with Andre?”

“Yeah, I might catch a movie with him.”

“Good.” You smile. “I have to go or I’ll be late picking Janette up.”

“Alright.” He kisses you one last time and lets you get into your car.

You pick up Janette and you both squeal as you make the trek down to Boston. You were extremely excited. You’d be sharing a hotel suite with your friends, and the best part was Nora graciously planned the entire thing for you. You couldn’t have asked for a better maid of honor. Next weekend would be your bridal shower, which would be more casual than anything because you and Harry didn’t even put a registry together, you just had a honeymoon fund. You two really didn’t need anything since you were already living in a home together and bought what you needed. So the bridal shower would just be a casual luncheon in the back room of a grill in town.

The second you and Janette get inside the hotel room, Nora starts making frozen margaritas. You look around and see that the theme would be cinco de mayo, very cool. She puts some beads around your neck and hugs you.

“I hope you’re hungry because we’re eating at Fagitas and Ritas tonight.” Darcy says.

“Thank fucking god, I love it there. Everyone, this is Janette.”

“It’s so great to meet you!” Nora says. “Nice to finally meet the work bestie face to face.”

“It’s great to meet you all too. Y/N’s told me wonderful things.”

Janette gets acquainted with Claudia and Mark as well. You weren’t worried about anyone not getting along. Janette reminded you a lot of your friends in general, it’s probably why you clicked with her off the bat.

“Y/N, is Harry doing anything fun this weekend?” Mark asks.

“I’m not sure. He thought he had Andy this weekend, but it’s Paige’s weekend, so he may make plans with his other friends.” You shrug. “He can’t do his bachelor party until right before the wedding when his friends fly in.”

“Paige couldn’t have just switched up the weekends?” Darcy asks.

“She’s supposed to get him for long weekends since Harry has him during the school year. That’s how it used to be when she had him during the school year, so he just wants to do what’s right. He’ll make his own fun, it’ll be fine.”

You all get ready, take a few pictures, and head out. You take the green line to Park Street, and then head down the alley to the restaurant. It was an incredible place. They served liter pitchers of frozen margaritas for groups to share. Your friends would come often, and would get sneaky, often taking an entire liter to the face, and that was the plan for you tonight. You got your tequila lime shrimp tacos, and you all told stories as you downed your drinks. You lean into Nora.

“You’re not taking me to a strip club or anything like that, right? Harry was pretty adamant that he didn’t want me doing that.” You slur.

“No, babe.” She chuckles. “I was thinking a drag show at first, but you always hear about how they can’t stand bridal parties, you know? And then I was thinking of asking Phil and Julian about that gay bar you go to with them, but again I didn’t want to be annoying. We are going to a club for a bit, and we are going to see some men dance, but I wouldn’t call them strippers.”

“Exotic dancers, if you will.” Claudia says. “They stay on the stage the whole time, so you don’t have to worry about a lap dance.”

“And we already took out plenty of cash to throw their way.” Mark says. “I’ve been before, it’s fun.”

“Harry doesn’t need to know.” Janette winks.

“Would you care if he went to a strip club with his friends?” Darcy asks out of curiosity.

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “He’s really not the type to ogle women, he’s too shy for that I think. He’s a bit possessive in that I don’t even think he would enjoy going somewhere like that because none of the women would be me, you know?”

“Jesus.” Mark says. “Got yourself a good man, I have to say.”

You all raise your glasses to that, and when you’re done you head out, thankful for the cool October air hitting your skin. You hop back on the T to get to the place Nora had set up reservations for. Watching the men dance made for a lot of squealing and blushing on your part, it was all good fun. They showed a little skin, but weren’t stripping, and they really did stay on the stage.

Four men come out dressed in slacks and cummerbunds. I Wanna Sex You Up begins playing, and the choreography looks oddly familiar. Your jaw drops when it registers.

“Nora, you didn’t.”

“I had to.” She chuckles.

“I’m very confused…” Janette says. “Delighted, but confused.”

“In the first season of Glee a few of the guys get together for an all-male acapella group, and this was a memorable scene for Y/N.” Nora explains. “I requested it in advance, let’s tip well.”

You sway back and forth in your chair and sing along with the song as the men continue to dance essentially for you. You were laughing so hard you were crying by the end of it, and you hug your friend. Once you all have had your fill you head to a club so you all could dance.

Now you really felt like you were in your element. Nora had reserved a VIP sections at one of your favorite clubs so you could all dance freely without bumping into a bunch of sweaty strangers. You were sticking with tequila tonight as to not get sick. You were having loads of fun, but you couldn’t help but wonder what Harry had gotten up to, so you tell your friends you need to use the ladies room quickly. The ladies room in the VIP section was actually clean, you were shocked. You may pee just for the hell of it. You take out your phone and call your fiancé.

“Y/N?”

“Hey, baby!” You slur. “Just checking in, whatcha up to?”

“Well…it’s one in the morning, so I was sleeping.”

Oh, shit, you think to yourself. You hadn’t even checked the time on your phone before you called. Now you felt like a proper dick.

“Shit, Har, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize how late it was, and I was thinking of you, and-“

“Babe, it’s alright.” He chuckles. “I went to a movie with Andre and Sandra and then we went out for drinks and a bite to eat. It was fun.”

“Oh, good! Any plans for tomorrow?”

“I’m hoping to get up and go for a run, and then I’m gonna work on my manuscript. Then I may have dinner with Lisa and her husband, but we’ll see.” He yawns.

“I’m really sorry I woke you…”

“I’ll fall back asleep don’t worry about it. What did you all get into tonight?”

“Drinking, dinner, more drinking, we went to, um, a show, and now we’re drinking more at a club.”

“Ah, so you’re still out?”

“Mhm.”

“Go be with your friends, baby.”

“I know, I just…wanted to hear your voice, that’s all.”

“Mm, well I’m glad you called, then.”

“I love your sleepy voice.” You pout, not that he can see it.

“Y/N, you’re gonna give me a stiffy if you keep talking like that, so, please, go back out and have fun, yeah?”

“Okay, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You sigh and go back out to continue dancing with your friends. You all get back to the hotel around three in the morning, and everyone crashes. The next day was all about recovering cozily. Room service was ordered and many movies were watched.

“Do you think things will change much once you and Harry are married?” Mark asks as you all do face masks.

“Nah, the biggest change will be going onto the same insurance plan.” You laugh. “We’ll start having kids, I know that much.”

“Do you have any big plans for after you get your doctorate?” Darcy asks.

“Mhm, we’re going to take Andy to Disney World as a combined celebration. Harry’s been dying to take him there for, like, and end of middle school thing, but we really wanna go before we have an infant on our hands, so he’s gonna say it’s for his thirteenth birthday instead.”

“That’s the perfect age to go.” Janette says. “He’ll remember way more, plus I bet he’ll enjoy the alone time with the both of you.”

“He’s gonna be so surprised.” You say. “I love that kid.”

“Any tea to spill about him and his friend?” Claudia asks.

“He hasn’t told me much recently.” You shrug. “Which is perfectly fine. He’s coming to the wedding with him, that I know for sure.”

//

Harry wasn’t home when you got back from your bachelorette weekend, so you take the opportunity to have a long shower and get into some comfy clothes. You hear the front door open and close, and go out to see Harry coming in with Andy.

“Hey, guys!” You say brightly.

“Y/N!” Andy says and comes to give you a hug. “Did you have a good time with your friends?”

“I did, yeah. How was Mum’s?”

“Good, we went shopping for a Halloween costume.”

“And what are you planning to be this year?”

“A rock star, so, so she got me a blow up guitar that has a strap, and I’m gonna wear all black. It’s gonna be sick.” He heads down the hall into his room.

“Is he going trick or treating?” You say as you wrap your arms around Harry’s neck. He hugs you for a moment before giving you a lip smacking kiss.

“Yeah, he’ll go out for a bit with his friends, and then I guess Caroline is having a little party at her house.”

“Oh, my…a boy-girl party, huh?”

“I know.” Harry sighs and grips your hips. “He’ll be picked up at 9:30 and not a moment later.” He kisses you again. “How was your weekend?”

“It was a lot of fun, it was so good to get away with them for a bit. Just another reminder of how excited I am to marry you.”

He squishes his nose to yours before letting you go. The evening is cozy as the three of you decide to play a board game before Andy goes to bed. It was an incredible game of Scrabble. Harry tugs you into your bedroom about twenty minutes later, and gets you undressed. You giggle as he kisses on you. You shift to get on top of him, and you pin his wrists to the pillows. You suck on his bottom lip and he groans before you lick into his mouth.

“God, I wanted you so bad this weekend.” You say to him as you kiss down his body. “Miss me?”

“Course I did.” He holds your hair back as you wrap your lips around his throbbing dick. His breath hitches as he feels your tongue run over his slit. “Fuck.” He breathes.

You bob up and down on him for a bit before he has you on your stomach. He pulls your hips back and starts fingering you from behind. You clutch at the pillows. You feel him open your cheeks up and his free thumb starts rubbing on your other hole. He hadn’t done this in a while, you almost forgot how good it felt.

“Shit, Harry.”

“Like that?”

“Feels so good.”

He was knuckle deep inside you, petting against your g-spot, and he gradually starts to work his thumb inside you. You gasp, but let him continue. You suddenly feel…full! It was sending you. You fuck yourself on his fingers while he continues to work his thumb into you.

“Alright? Still feels good?” He grunts. His tip was leaking just watching you.

“Yes, fuck, don’t stop.” You moan out into the pillows so you’re not too loud. You completely lose it around his fingers, and he gives you a moment before retracting himself. You wince a little when you feel his thumb leave you. You stay in position for him while he rolls a condom on.

“You good like that, babe? Your knees don’t hurt?”

“No, I’m good, please, give it to me like this.”

He nods and leans down to kiss you before getting back behind you. He grips your hips and pushes his thick tip inside you. Your back arches once he bottoms out. His pace is slow at first, wanting to ease in and out of you. You start moving on and off him at your own pace.

“Impatient.” He grunts as he lets you use him.

“You weren’t going fast enough.”

“So just tell me to go faster.”

“Thought you liked it when I used you.” You smirk at him over your shoulder and he bites his bottom lip.

“Will you get on top?”

“Yeah.”

He pulls out of you and gets on his back. You swing your leg over and sink down on him. You pin his wrists against the pillows again, and bring yourself down chest to chest. You lick into his mouth as you move on and off his hard dick. Your fingers intertwine and he squeezes your hands.

“Let me rub your clit.” He groans.

“Ask nicely.”

“Can I rub your clit?”

“Yes.”

You let go of one of his hands, and he snakes it between the two of you. You gasp into his mouth as he rubs circles into you. Sweat pools between your bellies, and you both lose it. You rest on top of him for a few moments before getting off. Once you’re both cleaned up you snuggle up to him in bed and lay your head on his chest.

“Slept like shit without you, if I’m being honest.” You tell him and kiss on his tattooed collar bones.

“I had to use my body pillow for the first time in forever.”

“I wrapped myself up in my little blanket burrito like I used to, but it just wasn’t the same. I enjoy your heavy body way more.”

“I’m always afraid I’m gonna crush you.” He chuckles.

“Oh, like when you lay fully on top of me? I fucking love that.” You smirk and he shakes his head.

“You’re suck a little freak.”

“Yeah, but I’m your freak.” You kiss his cheek. “I’m also not the one that enjoys giving people rim jobs, so I don’t wanna hear it.”

“I didn’t even do that tonight!”

“You still got in there.”

“And you liked it, so don’t kinkshame me.”

“I’m not! I like that you’re a little kinky.” You giggle.

“Just so you know, I don’t do that with just anyone…” He mutters.

“Aw, well don’t I feel special.” You say sarcastically. “It’s so good to know you’ve only had your tongue up a few people’s asses.” He blinks at you and you start laughing. “Chill, I’m just teasing.” You peck his lips and turn over, and he turns with you to wrap himself around you.

“You’re lucky I think you’re incredibly cute, you know that?”

//

Trick or treating was fun, but short lived. Andy his friends hit up the houses they knew that had the best candy, and then made their way to Caroline’s. You and Harry were at a Halloween themed game night at Mateo’s. Caroline’s house had a finished basement, so it was the perfect spot for a little party. Most of Andy’s homeroom was there. Her sister’s had helped set up donuts on strings for a little contest. There was music playing, and everyone was having a good time. There was even a wall with decorations for people to take pictures. Andy takes plenty with his friends.

Once Caroline’s sisters go upstairs, the kids all get into a game of truth or dare. They all sit in a circle on the floor, and put a bottle in the middle. The dares were lighthearted at first, someone had to cluck like a chicken, someone had to chug a can of soda, someone had to see how many marshmallows they could fit into their mouth, normal kid stuff. Then it got a little more serious. Some were daring others to go into the closet for seven minutes, others had to admit to having crushes.

“Okay, Brandon…” A girl named Maggie says, “truth or dare?”

“Dare.” He shrugs.

“Alright, I dare you to go into the closet with Andy for seven minutes.”

Andy nearly chokes on his drink, and looks wide eyed at Brandon.

“What exactly do you want us to do in there?” Brandon asks.

“Doesn’t matter, whatever happens is between you two.” She shrugs.

It wasn’t like they were the only same sex people to be asked to go into the closet. Some kids were out already, but things weren’t as obvious for Brandon and Andy.

“Do you want to?” Brandon asks him.

“I guess.”

They both get up, and go into the closet. Someone starts a timer for seven minutes. Andy leans against one of the walls of the closet. It was roomy.

“It’s too dark in here.” Brandon says as he turns the flashlight of his phone on. He sets it on the floor so it’s not blinding. “There we go, now I can see you.” Andy gives him a small smile. “Have I told you how cool your costume is?”

“Thanks, my mum helped me put it together. Although, Y/N helped with the eye liner.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I like yours too.”

“I don’t know, I thought it was kind of lame.” He chuckles. “A baseball player isn’t exactly original, but my mom wanted to make sure I was wearing pants.” He sighs.

“I know! Parents are always so worried about us being cold. It’s not like we were out that long.”

“Hey, remember when we were thing one and thing two in elementary school? We had to meet up like every weekend to make sure everything matched!”

“Yeah! I’m so glad we don’t have to do that anymore.” Andy stands up straight. “How long do you think it’s been?”

“Just a couple minutes.”

“This is such a weird dare…feel like I’m in an eighties movie.” Andy scoffs.

“I know, it feels like a force.” He sighs. “M’not gonna kiss you in a closet. That’s just what everyone wants. Then we’d have to walk out of here all awkward.”

“I don’t want you to kiss me in here either.” Andy chews his bottom lip. “But I do want you to kiss me, Brandon, really bad.” So many things had been left unsaid between them, and this was the first time Andy really said it to his friend.

“Maybe we can find somewhere else to go, somewhere less obvious.”

Andy nods, and the door opens. A few people frown as they can tell nothing happened between the two. It was getting closer to 9:30, and neither Andy nor Brandon wanted to get interrupted by a call from a parent again. Brandon watches as Andy goes over to Caroline.

“Is there somewhere private he and I can go?”

“Weren’t you two just alone?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, but it would have been so obvious…”

Caroline looks around. She thinks to tell them to go to the bathroom, but that would be obvious too. Her basement was a walkout, and the outside portion had been screened in for bugs. They could go out there for a few minutes. They could just say they’re getting some air.

“Go outside for a few minutes.” She nods over to the sliding door. “I’ll standby to keep watch.”

“You’re the best.”

Andy and Brandon go outside unnoticed by anyone else.

“You’re okay out here…like this?” Brandon asks.

“Yeah.” He takes a deep breath. “I need to know something before we do this, though…I mean, how do you feel about me? Because I like you, Brandon, like really like you.”

“I really like you too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know when it started exactly. I just know that I do.”

Andy smiles at him and backs up to the siding of the house as Brandon walks towards him. Andy reaches up and turns Brandon’s baseball cap around so it wouldn’t get in the way. They both chuckle out of nerves. Brandon cups one of Andy’s cheeks and leans in.

“You’re sure?” Brandon asks.

“Yes.” He breathes.

Andy closes his eyes, and braces himself. Brandon’s lips press against his. The first thing he notices is how soft Brandon’s lips are, but he wasn’t surprised because he was always using chapstick. The second thing he notices is how he feels warm all over. He had butterflies in his stomach, but they were the good kind. He reaches up to cup one of Brandon’s cheeks so he won’t pull away. They stay like that for a few moment, kissing innocently. Brandon pulls away to get some air and presses his forehead to Andy’s.

“How was that for a first kiss?” Brandon looks at him.

“B-better than I ever imagined.” He tugs on Brandon’s jersey to pull him back in and they kiss once more. They both giggle afterwards. “H-how was I?”

“Best kiss I’ve ever had.”

“Jesus.” Andy blushes. “We, um, we should keep this quiet until after the wedding. If we say anything to our parents they may not let us share a hotel room or they might add more rules or something.”

“Shit, you’re right…yeah, let’s keep it to ourselves for now. I…I mean, I don’t even know what this all means, like, are we gay?”

“Well…you could be, but I like boys and girls.” It was wild how easily he was just able to admit it. “It’s called bi, or whatever, so that’s what I think I am. Does it matter? I like you and you like me, that’s it.”

“Right, that’s all that really matters.” Brandon smiles.

Andy feels his phone buzz in his pocket, and he takes it out to see that Harry texted he was out front.

“I have to go, my parents are here.”

“Okay.”

The boys hug and then kiss one more time before going inside. Andy and Caroline share a knowing look, and then he makes the rounds saying goodbye. He heads upstairs and thanks Caroline’s sisters for having him, and then goes outside with all his candy. Harry would need to inspect it when they got home. He climbs into the backseat of the car. You were in a giggly mood from the wine you had drank at game night.

“Andy! How was the party?” You ask him as you turn around slightly to make eye contact.

“Oh, um, it was good, really, really good.”

[tigerkirby215]

5e Hank J. Wimbleton, the Protagonist build (Madness Combat)

(Artwork by AndrewKO on Newgrounds.)

Friday Night Funkin’ Tricky Mod reminded me of the Madness Combat series... man it’s a trip in the best possible way. I honestly miss the old days on Newgrounds where stuff like Madness Combat could get extremely popular just off fan reception alone.

Anyways I think the fantasy of playing a bloodthirsty expert killer is something that most people can identify with in D&D, and Hank is certainly a badass in his own right. So while this was mostly a spur-of-the-moment sort of build here’s Hank J. Wimbleton with as many of his abilities I could reasonably put into a build at once, from Madness Combat 1 all the way to Madness Combat 11: Expurgation.

Also I finally get to use artwork from a website other than DeviantArt which is pretty awesome.

GOALS

Avenger - Hank shoots guns good and Madness is a series of guns first and foremost.

Aggregation - Hank is also more than capable in melee combat, being able to use all sorts of weapons including his fists!

Redeemer - Spoilers for Madness Combat 9 I guess.

RACE

The characters in Madness don’t really look like anything in reality, but it’s fairly safe to say that they are meant to be some sort of human. So we’re going to be going for Variant Human: yup not even an Eberron race since we do need everything that Variant Human provides. Increase your Constitution and Dexterity both by 1 and grab Acrobatics proficiency to dodge incoming knife swings and gunfire. And as per standard take whatever language suits your campaign.

Now you’re probably expecting Crossbow Expert as our level 1 feat, right? Or perhaps even Gunner? That’s where you’re wrong! Hank throws punches far earlier than he starts using guns, and he also uses a lot or improvised weapons throughout the mainline Madness Combat series. So grab Tavern Brawler for a +1 to Strength, a d4 unarmed strike (it’s not earth-shattering but it gets the job done), and proficiency with improvised weapons. And the grappling part which honestly doesn’t impact us much, but it’s nice to grab a human shield.

ON THE GUNNER FEAT: Going to make a quick mention now that this build is made under the assumption that your DM will not allow firearms in their campaign, and as a result we will be reflavoring crossbows as firearms. In short we’re not taking the Gunner feat, but if your DM allows it go ahead and take it.

Honestly if your DM allows firearms it would probably be a good idea to play whatever firearm-based class they added to play as Hank, instead of the build I made here. This build however is meant for the average D&D campaign.

ABILITY SCORES

Hank is MAD, rather fittingly. So MAD in fact that I can’t contain the madness within Standard Array. So rejoice we’re actually going to be using Point Buy!

STRENGTH; 9 - The vast majority of Hank’s weapons are either firearms or weapons that I would constitute as finesse based. With the +1 from Tavern Brawler this is still enough for your punches and improvised Strength weapons to pack a punch at least.

DEXTERITY; 15 - As mentioned above we will primarily be using firearms (crossbows) and finesse weapons.

CONSTITUTION; 11 - Mostly to round out the build, which along with the +1 from our race gives us a bit of bulk which will help with all the killing.

INTELLIGENCE; 14 - There’s many ways I can justify this but the easiest way is to say “it’s a multiclassing requirement.”

WISDOM; 14 - Wisdom is tied to perception as well as survival instinct, and is a multiclassing requirement.

CHARISMA; 8 - Hank is of the quiet sort and doesn’t talk much between all the killing. Yes he can intimidate info out of people but you try keeping your cool with a gun pointed to your head.

BACKGROUND

There was a man who sought the sheriff, and to slay the sheriff you’re automatically made a Criminal. I am however going to suggest swapping your skills out for Intimidation and Slight of Hand (IE Gun Tricks.) Feel free to take whatever Gaming Set you want, but thankfully as a Criminal you can choose Land Vehicles as your tool proficiency, because Hank does run over some guys in part 4!

Criminal Contact will let you get in contact with Sanford and Deimos in case you... you know, die? You can always get your message across when needed: D&D doesn’t have computers but you can still find some shady merchants or corrupt guards to get into contact with your crew.

(Artwork by redemer19 on Newgrounds.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ARTIFICER 1

Starting off as an Artificer because CON saving throw proficiency is nice. So is proficiency in Investigation, Perception, and a tool of your choice.

Tinkerer’s Tools technically counts as gunsmith tools if we go with Matt Mercer’s homebrew, but you already get those for free (along with Thieves’ Tools) as an Artificer. I personally opted for Smith’s Tools as the next best option which will also double for taking care of swords and knives.

You can also get a Boombox to dance to thanks to Magical Tinkering. You can infuse magic into a Tiny object to give it a variety of effects: make it glow, have it display a message, or most importantly have it play the Chicken Dance song. You can have a number of these equal to your Intelligence modifier, which is to say not many.

You do also get Spellcasting: You get two cantrips from the Artificer list: Mage Hand will let you grab a weapon for yourself that’s out of reach, and Acid Splash will serve as a starter shotgun for some buckshot against multiple enemies. As for your leveled spells you can prepare a number of spells equal to your Intelligence modifier plus half your Artificer level, which is to say... not many. Feather Fall can be useful when up in high places, and Detect Magic is universally useful for finding any anomalies created by the Improbability Drive.

LEVEL 2 - ARTIFICER 2

The main reason we went for Artificer first is Infusions, gear you can bring at the start of the fight for an upper hand. Of course the main weapon we’ll be grabbing is the Repeating Shot Weapon which will be how you make basically all your guns. Not having to reload is nice and not having to worry about ammo is better!

ON YOUR WEAPONS: For now the only weapon you can reasonably use is a Light Crossbow, however soon you’ll be able to put Repeating Shot on either a Heavy Crossbow (rifle) or Hand Crossbow (pistol) depending on your preference.

Other than that you can borrow from Sanford’s book and make a Returning Weapon to throw a hook and pull it back, create Sending Stones to keep in touch with your crew, and have a Rope of Climbing to sneak into the sheriff’s office. Or you can choose your own tools for the job as I am merely suggesting what makes the most sense for Hank, but the Repeating Shot Weapon is the only one you truly need.

You can also prepare another spell like Identify, to know what weapon you’re picking up.

LEVEL 3 - RANGER 1

This is a bit out of left field isn’t it? Well Ranger gives a number of things, the first of which being Stealth proficiency for your initial entrance. You also get Deft Explorer (instead of Natural Explorer) for Canny, giving you two languages (pick your poison) and Expertise in one skill of your choice (go for Acrobatics to evade attacks and stay alive.)

You also get Favored Foe (instead of Favored Enemy), letting you concentrate on an enemy’s weak points to kill them quickly. When you hit an enemy you can choose to mark them so they take an extra d4 of damage once per turn from your attacks. You do have to concentrate on this effect (like a spell) but aiming for the head is a good way to end someone quickly.

LEVEL 4 - RANGER 2

Second level Rangers get to choose their Fighting Style and you’re probably expecting me to tell you to take Archery, right? Well even if you’re mostly going to be using guns you do have proficiency with melee weapons too, and since our Strength is kinda bad I’d suggest taking Druidic Warrior for some simple boosts to your combat proficiency.

Shillelagh will be a good place to start by letting you swing a blunt object with your Wisdom instead of your Strength. The main weapons Hank uses in the Madness series other than shortswords is clubs, bats, and pipes which I’d all consider as viable targets for Shillelagh if your DM’s cool.

Mending will be useful to keep your outfit in check after taking a bad hit.

Feel free to take Archery if you want as it’s likely more useful for this build. Again I am opting for what’s the most accurate for Hank, not for what’s the most optimal to build.

But if you want to keep yourself in check after taking a bad hit you can grab some Ranger Spellcasting. Cure Wounds will let you bandage yourself (or an ally) up in the thick of a fight, and Zephyr Strike will let you rush in while avoiding danger to deliver a deadly strike on a key foe.

LEVEL 5 - RANGER 3

There’s quite a few reasons we didn’t go for Rogue levels in this build (spoilers btw): Hank does most of his fighting solo, doesn’t really opt for stealth except for at the start of missions, and because the Gloom Stalker is far better for how Hank operates. For a start you get Umbral Sight for 60 feet of Darkvision with your dumb human eyes, but you can also hide in the dark so well that even creatures with darkvision can’t see you! Which is good because Dread Ambusher gives you a bonus to initiative rolls equal to your Wisdom modifier along, but more importantly lets you move 10 feet faster on the first round of combat. And you can also attack one extra time on the first round of combat, and if you hit with that extra attack you’ll deal an extra d8 damage to down a foe quick and give yourself more options.

You can learn a new spell at this level like Hail of Thorns for some buckshot, and you also get Gloom Stalker Magic, adding Disguise Self to your spell list so you can look like a regular dude who isn’t covered with bandages. You also get Primal Awareness, because even if Speak With Animals makes no sense for Hank it’s still better than Primeval Awareness.

(Artwork by LegendaryPanettone on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 6 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get an Ability Score Improvement: Dexterity controls everything we do currently so increase that by 2 for better AC, shooting, sword-swinging, and DEX saves.

LEVEL 7 - RANGER 5

5th level Rangers get an Extra Attack, allowing them to shoot twice and even allowing you specifically to shoot 3 times on your first turn!

You can also learn second level Ranger spells now: Primal Awareness gives you Beast Sense and Gloom Stalker Magic gives you Rope Trick for a place to hide and ambush from. And Enhance Ability (ty Tasha’s) will let you push yourself when violence is needed.

LEVEL 8 - RANGER 6

6th level Rangers see Favored Foe turn into a d6 to be somewhat on-par with Hunter’s Mark. You also get Roving from Deft Explorer for 5 extra feet of movement, as well as a swimming and climbing speed.

But now that you’ve gotten all your killing done it’s time to die. Because you do not kill clown; clown kills you!

(Artwork by Jinxsaw on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 9 - ARTIFICER 3

You can’t kill the protagonist! We’re at 9th level which translates perfectly to Madness Combat 9, which means you can be revived as an Armorer Artificer! Your consciousness will be placed inside of a suit of Arcane Armor, replacing any missing limbs you may have and genuinely account for all your injuries. The armor also doesn’t have a Strength requirement and can be used as a focus for your Artificer spells.

There’s two different Armor Models to choose from but for now I’d suggest keeping to guns and going for the Infiltrator model (mostly because your Intelligence is bad so it would be better to opt for Dexterity to fire your guns.) The Lightning Launcher is like a handgun except it has very good range (90/300) and does Lightning Damage, and even lets you do an extra d6 damage once per turn! You also get Powered Steps for an extra 5 feet of movement speed (adding up to 40 total thanks to Ranger!) and a Dampening Field will give you Advantage on Stealth due to your black outfit.

You also get some Armorer Spells: Magic Missile for some unavoidable gunfire and Thunderwave to give yourself some space. You can also choose a different set of Artisan’s Tools from Tools of the Trade since you likely already have Smith’s Tools proficiency. You can pick whatever you think will be useful, but it’s worth mentioning that you can make a tool with 1 hour of work thanks to The Right Tool for the Job. And no Hank; weapons are not tools. At least not by this definition.

LEVEL 10 - ARTIFICER 4

4th level Artificers get an Ability Score Improvement. Wouldn’t it make sense to increase your Intelligence as an Artificer now that you can use your Armorer weapons with INT? Yes. Anyways increase your Dexterity by 2.

WOULD IT HAVE MADE MORE SENSE TO MAX OUT INTELLIGENCE FOR THIS BUILD? Yes. Now that you have Armorer levels you’re basically never going to be using crossbows again realistically. Oops. Having good INT instead of good DEX would mean that you could start using the Guardian armor to punch some stuff, and 14 in DEX would still allow you to wear Medium armor. You could’ve easily taken 3 (or more realistically 5) levels in Artificer at the start of this build and then gone for Ranger to not have to deal with bad ranged weapons while having good stats for an Artificer.

There’s still strengths to having high DEX obviously (good initiative, good Stealth and Acrobatics checks, good DEX saves, and you get Mirror Image as an Armorer Artificer) but it’s really not that important for this build. But I’m still maxing it out first as it’s accurate to Hank. In the average D&D campaign you’re not going to be picking up weapons from enemies you kill to use them when you run out of ammo. There’s many things I took in this build that are impractical for anything other than a combat heavily inspired by Madness Combat.

Basically feel free to min-max this build if you so desire; it’s quite viable in its own right when you do so. Again I’m trying for accuracy over viability. Also P.S. After this build comes out I’m going to release a “pre-MC9″ Hank build if you want more of the traditional Hank who isn’t in power armor.

You can also prepare another spell at this level but we’re going to wait for...

LEVEL 11 - ARTIFICER 5

5th level Artificers get an Extra Attack... which you already have. Oops.

Well at least you get access to second level spells! As an Armorer you get Mirror Image to dodge gunfire, and Shatter! For a grenade! But to continue dodging attacks Blur works well as long as the enemy doesn’t have Truesight, which the AAHW may have by total level 11.

LEVEL 12 - ARTIFICER 6

6th level Artificers can prepare more Infusions! A Spell-Refueling Ring will let you restock on spell slot bullets mid-fight, and Boots of the Winding Path will let you jump back after getting into melee combat.

You also get Tool Expertise which is exactly what it says on the tin. You double your proficiency bonus when making checks with tools.

To top it off you can prepare another spell like Catapult. Why are we preparing a first level spell? Because Hank throws big rocks at Tricky in Madness 11. Told you I did research.

(Artwork by ramblinshroom on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 13 - ARTIFICER 7

7th level Artificers get to feel the pain of my choice to max out Dexterity instead of Intelligence as Flash of Genius scales heavily off Intelligence. When you or an ally within 30 feet makes an ability check or a saving throw you can use your reaction to add your Intelligence modifier to the roll. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Intelligence modifier and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

LEVEL 14 - ARTIFICER 8

8th level Artificers get another Ability Score Improvement and now that your Dexterity is maxed out... more Wisdom lol? Look we’ll deal with your Intelligence in a bit but Wisdom gives you better initiative among other things.

You can also prepare another spell but next level will get us third level spells, so...

LEVEL 15 - ARTIFICER 9

9th level Artificers can get used to their new revived bodies thanks to Armor Modifications. The chest, boots, helmet, and weapons of your armor all count as individual items for the sake of infusions, and you can have two more infusions active! (As long as they’re on your armor anyways.)

You also get Hypnotic Pattern and Lightning Bolt as an Armorer, for a flashbang and some purgatory powers. And you can prepare a spell like Haste, to move so fast it’s like the world is in slow motion.

LEVEL 16 - ARTIFICER 10

So you know how we just got two more infusions for your armor? Well 10th level Artificers can make Gauntlets of Ogre Power and a Headband of Intellect to finally get your Strength and Intelligence to a reasonable level. Again probably a bit late to do so but it does mean that you can finally use melee weapons well, or your Guardian Armor to do some punching! (I’m not going to cover the Guardian Armor now but know that you can punch people and give them disadvantage to hit your allies, and also give yourself Temporary hitpoints.)

And the best part is that you can still keep attuned to other useful items as  Magic Item Adept gives you one more attunement slot, meaning that you can be attuned to 4 items total!

And to top it off more Intelligence means more spells and holy shit another cantrip! For your cantrip you can finally take Message to keep in contact with your party, and for your leveled spells...

People die a lot in Nevada: Revivify can help if one of those people are a friend.

See Invisibility will help you avoid ambushes.

Lesser Restoration can help you in a pinch if you’re pinned down.

But again I seriously can not stress enough that you are more than welcome to pick spells that you feel are stronger, as I am merely picking spells for a simple guy who really likes killing.

(Artwork by marcipancakes on Newgrounds.)

LEVEL 17 - RANGER 7

Very quickly going back to Ranger to grab the last few abilities we missed: 7th level Gloom Stalkers have an Iron Mind for proficiency with Wisdom saves. Yup that’s it. Well at least you can add () to your Ranger spell list.

LEVEL 18 - RANGER 8

8th level Rangers get Land Stride to not be slowed down by the difficult terrain during Expurgation, and even giving yourself advantage against magical terrain made to harm you in purgatory.

But more importantly you get an Ability Score Improvement to pump your Wisdom up a little more. But really I only waited this long to get Ranger 8 to talk about Martial Versatility from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything: talk to your DM about it but I’d actually suggest grabbing Archery proper now instead of Druidic Warrior because you’ve got the Strength to use weapons.

Oh yeah you could also totally like... use the Guardian armor and carry a repeating crossbow for ranged combat.

LEVEL 19 - ARTIFICER 11

11th level Artificers can bring out the heavy artillery with a Spell-Storing Item. You can store a first or second level spell from the Artificer spell list in one  simple or martial weapon (or a spellcasting focus) that requires 1 action to cast.

While holding the object, a creature can take an action to produce the spell’s effect from it, using your spellcasting ability modifier. If the spell requires concentration, the creature must concentrate. The spell stays in the object until it’s been used a number of times equal to twice your Intelligence modifier (minimum of twice) or until you use this feature again to store a spell in an object.

There are plenty of good spells you can choose from but I’m going to just say this: put Shatter in the item. There are perhaps more useful choices, but isn’t a grenade belt the embodiment of Madness?

LEVEL 20 - ARTIFICER 12

12th level Artificers get our last Ability Score Improvement which means hey: maxed out Wisdom! Yes there are perhaps feats you could get (some ideas I’d suggest would be either the Dual Wielder feat [carry a Repeating Hand Crossbow in one hand and your magical fist in the other] or the Sharpshooter feat) but I simply opted for maxing out stats.

And you can prepare one more spell like... I don’t know? Blink for more dodging?

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Abrogation - I came into this build with the intent of making you capable with all weapons regardless of type and well... I certainly accomplished that. You have good Dexterity for any finesse and ranged weapons and your Strength is strong enough to swing a bat around.

Antipathy - You are also damn capable in combat with an insane opening turn and very good DPS regardless of if you choose to fight with fists or guns, not to mention a good supply of spells and class abilities to truly slaughter your foes.

Apotheosis - It wasn’t my intent but... 20 in two stats and 19 in two others? Excluding your Charisma and Constitution you’re a superhuman of a man.

CONS

Depredation - You have to be level 16 to finally get a decent Strength and Intelligence score, and while low STR doesn’t matter much low INT really hurts as an Artificer.

Consternation - “High stats except Constitution” is a problem. Honestly going 15 in Artificer and 5 in Ranger would’ve gotten you level 15 infusions for a Hill Giant’s Belt for 21 STR and an Amulet of Health for 19 CON.

Inundation - There’s a lot of little tweaks worth changing in this build, notably the focus on Dexterity versus Intelligence. Realistically having 20 INT and 14 DEX is more useful for you as an Artificer than having 19 INT and 20 DEX. 

But who cares if it’s messy; as long as it’s effective. Killing everyone somewhere in Nevada will give you plenty of experience to reach your maximum Madness level. You are the Protagonist and they are the Victims... but don’t go into any D&D campaigns with that mentality, or else you may be the Clown.

(Artwork by Teknodice on Newgrounds.)

[ornamental-coral]

Do you have houses combos you love besides Snake Bird ?

Hi sorry it’s take me so long to get to you ‘nonnie human you. I promise if anyone sends me questions, I will get to them eventually! It just takes a while for me thinking about them, researching about them (doing Birdy Bird things with even a one-sentence question...), forgetting I have a sort-hat-chats centered tumblr account (which is... can sort of a Bird thing but also a me thing), and then coming back so we are here (there. somewhere)

I myself am a Snake-Bird. I think I’m pretty neat. Birds are usually very good at entertaining themselves. I think. And I’m lucky I like myself enough because I spend a lot of time with me haha.

I’m a little in love with a remarkable amount of Lion primaries, Snake secondaries and Bird primaries (especially with a Snake secondary to make them extra hard to hold onto *rolls eyes) and apparently I love writing Badger Primaries? I guess I find the challenge of building an “ideal” society that is willing to address the current failings of our timeline a worthwhile challenge and my ink-children rise from the ether to meet me.

I’ve expanded below bar because this is actually a really interesting concept to me - how does a particular house combination react to the others. Below is just my meandering through how specifically My Snake Primary Bird secondary might react on a surface level to the other house types. This doesn’t mean I’m right. There are as many ways of acting within the house system as there are human beings and keep in mind, this is all in good fun.

____________________

Lions

The Idealism of the Lion Primary is something that I find admirable. I posted a more extended musing on the position of Snake Birds within media here. I think the Snake in me understands that when you pick up a person the way Snakes do, you pick up a lot of their wants and regrets too. Snakes pick up People, so that means the whole package. A Lion with a worthy cause can be a very attractive thing to a Snake, who will follow and support them in a very specific kind of way. 

With Double Lions, and Lion Snakes there’s that urge to run after them with a fire-extinguisher in one hand and a big stick in the other - one to put out the fires a Double Lion inevitably lights and the Lion Snake may try purposefully to stoke, and the other to beat off anyone who dares to tell your Lion that they cannot Be A Lion. That’s something only the Snake can do, and that’s only because no matter what the Snake says, the Lion is still Their Person warts and all and the Snake Bird knows damn well what they were getting into, or at least thought they did.

Lion Birds house-match secondaries with Snake Birds but can have explosively different moral codes, largely because they method match. I personally find some Lion Bird characters a little grating because as the audience, I feel I’m getting the same information as the Lion, but as a Snake I have a little too much self-preservation to imagine myself doing anything much about it - at least not the way a majority of Lion Bird characters act - or I come to different conclusion. I also hate conspiracy theories because they require leaps of logic the my Bird model typically just can’t tolerate but the felt-house Lion will participate in. However, Lion Birds can also be the hard-boiled PIs, the Best-at-their-Job secret agents (hi Agent Coulson), the one who has Seen the World and Still Believes It Can Be Saved. So that’s admirable and fun.

Lion Badgers are sweet but my Snake Bird goes “fires, fires everywhere”. And like, not the kind your Lion Snake might think is funny when the Snake Bird tries to put them out. Think Steve Rodgers. MCU Steve has a really strong Snake Performance though when it comes to Bucky which MY Snake finds really confusing because it is So Strong I’d be willing to be money he would have at least tried to find a better way to get rid of the Tesseract if Bucky hadn’t fallen from that train and been declared KIA. I think that particular type of Snake performance also confuses Tony, which is part of why Civil War was the way it was.

But yeah, a fire that a Lion Badger wants to light? it’s not going to go out. For a Snake, having that as Your Person means you either really ride or die for them - and might actually literally have to die, or you are keeping them from burning themselves out before they accomplish whatever they’re doing. For a Snake Bird? this is alarming as hell and it’s a fight between the Secondaries to make sure the Lion takes care of themselves as part of the Lion’s “hard work” Badger, if they’re your person.

Birds

Bird primaries will “build” the people they love into the way they see the world. As a Snake, I think this is just really appealing to me? Snakes are loyal, and older Snakes have the life experience to realize that - painful as it is - this loyalty will not always be reciprocated in the way you hope for (this is the stereotypical bone of contention between Lions, Badgers and Snakes. Lions are focused on their cause and if the Snake’s protective instincts get in the way of that, that causes problems It also hurts when a Lion’s mission supersedes their affection for their Snake people. Badgers’ concerns are for their communities and the split of attention can drive the individually focused Snake crazy). If you get built into the Bird’s world, that always felt like something special and something that took hard work, which made it all the more valuable.

My Snake Birds also likes to imagine it’s equipped to learn to the things that a Bird variety believes in and address those things. It’s the kind of relationship that has the potential to go very wrong, and I do realize that. I think Snake Birds have the tendency to want to be everything for Their Person (or people) and our powers of observation mean that we take it a little personally when we’ve missed something. I’m tempted to call Kaz Brekker of Six of Crows a Snake Bird and it drives him to distraction that he can’t be everything, everywhere, all at once to the handful of a people he truly and deeply cares about.

The Bird Snake in particular house matches in a way that can be particularly challenging and attractive to a Snake Bird? A Snake Bird’s tool is, well, the Bird, and the whole persona can feel ridiculously pleased by being able to “pin down” the Bird Snake, which does not necessarily lend itself to being pinned. There’s also this strong urge to understand the Bird Snake. 

So there’s the Snake secondary who delights in finding new ways to be, and a Bird Secondary delights in learning new things. The discovery element in that relationship can, as long as the Bird Secondary is not stifled by the Snake Primary’s concern, actually be really rewarding. Birds, and Bird Snakes in particular are also often really unique. They think differently, act differently, can be off putting to certain types of house combinations because their moral code can come off is so blue-orange, and is Built on top of that. Snakes take great pride in being very “this is my Person and their brand of weirdness is just another thing I love about them. And on top of that, I Know them.” with their people in any situation, and if a Snake can eventually prove to their Bird Primary that that feeling is unwavering, that’s a relationship that becomes central to both Snake and Bird.

That isn’t to say Birds can’t go dark, but usually they learn to be that way given Birds are evidence-gatherers. Unfortunately, this means I love them too because people of my generation and all generations before and hence have a thing for characters with trauma (see Loki, greasy prince extraordinaire).  It’s -- it’s never not been a thing. Take a look at freaking Gilgamesh, which is the oldest things that we know of, look at Enkidu, and tell me he wasn’t your favorite. Gilgamesh is kind an arschloch of highest proportions. As a more palatable example of this Bird-villain thing, I sort of suspect Bucky Barnes is a Bird of some flavor. If he killed one person as the Winter Soldier, he’d feel bad but probably admit it was the brain washing - but he did it dozens of times. He wonders what does this say about him? He is possibly a Badger, but even pre-winter-soldier he doesn’t seem to care on as wide a scale as a Badger typically does. Steve is Built into the fabric of his world, and he doesn’t react to Steve’s death the way I expect a Snake to either. Maybe a really Old Seasoned Snake and I mean technically he’s old? but the cryogenics thing sort of means he’s not old enough to just let it go. He also doesn’t follow the boy from Brooklyn for reasons I would expect from a fellow Snake but I guess the new show might give more insight on that once I actually watch it.

Badgers

Okay, I like writing Badgers. [Leans back on chaise lounge] this probably has something to do with my mother.

Really though. I model Badger because my mother, although I love her and I’m really lucky to have her, is a teeny tiny bit horrified by Snake tendencies and drilled into me the morality that it is okay and it is above all Good to care about other people (for other Snakes, read Yes Even Strangers). To be fair, the prioritizing that Snakes do (which can get as focused as ”My people first, even if someone else far away is in trouble and I am acutely aware of it”) can seem pretty horrific to a Badger. They don’t necessarily get how you could believe everyone is a person and just... not care. And it’s hard to convince a Badger (for whom not acting can = they are not worth it) that you know exactly what you’re doing but are also aware that if you try to help everyone your head will explode because you can’t keep that many People up there. It’s why Snakes have their rings of caring.

But the result is that for me, Badgers are usually the ones left standing at the end of the story. If they’re done dirty, I like to try and fix it.

I don’t like how media treats Badger primaries generally though? There’s often something “goofy” or the Badger is treated as soft in a really unpalatable way. I mean, and to be fair this directly comes from the way a Snake can sort of be flummoxed with the way Badgers just do things for strangers, yes Badgers irl may be considered gentle. On an individual level, they are often the hearts and hearths of groups and homes.  But there’s this weird place where The State is supposed to be a Badger-shaped institution, so that uneasy balance comes out in weird ways.

I don’t remember who said it, but the difference with Badgers and Snakes is that, with a Snake, you start out at Zero. You’re human, but you’re not the Snake’s human, so I will treat you like a human, but there are My People above you. And with a Badger, you sort of start out at like 85-100%? At least this is my perception. Badgers need-base and that off-balances Snakes.

A Snake with a Badger in my opinion needs to be “eyes open” in a different way than even a Snake with a Bird does, because the Snake needs to understand that the Badger is going to look and act similar - until they don’t, and then the Snake needs to be able to put aside the part of them that was attracted to the mirrored morality and actually work with the Badger to figure out what the Snake needs and how the Snake can in turn support the Badger.

Anyways though, I’m writing a thing where a Badger Bird-modeling-Badger is the last woman standing, committed to fixing a broken type of organization that her Snake, Bird, and Lion companions are Tired of. Lady Badger is nothing if not resilient. I’m writing another thing where a really really Burnt Badger man gets a safe place to learn to be part of a community that is meant to be mutually protective again (he dies because this is a fan work and that’s what happened in cannon, and this is arguably because he’s still unburning at that stage and doesn’t Have a proper community, but I hope to show him having at least Some happy times because in the sh**show show he didn’t have any at all). I’ve got a slightly less developed thing where a number of Badger performing princes learn to work together to fix their kingdom and unbury the history that created it. 

Aaand It’s nearing midnight, I have clearly lost the thread of the thread or whatever

Goodniiight to all my houses. Love you all even if I didn’t write about you here.

-Ornamental

[ahsokasanity]

Chapter Four

Notes - more spoilers, so don’t read this if you’ve not done ACOSF. Mostly from Az’s POV. Isn’t it about time we talked about Az and Elaine?! In case you missed the beginning Chapter One

Azriel avoided Elain. He spoke business to Rhys and he tried to smile with Feyre, if only because he didn’t know for how long he would be able to do that. It was lucky that he spent his whole life in subterfuge and was able to speak little to steer clear of topics that had been swept under the rug. Feyre didn’t notice. They had always had an easy if not intimate relationship. Elain on the other hand…

It had been weeks since Solstice and that near mistake. It was even more glaringly a mistake as he sidestepped any invitations to the River House and more so from ever being alone with Elain. She was often in the garden so he without fail arrived at the front door. When he met with Rhys it was in his office and Azriel knew that Elain rarely frequented that area of the house. Rhys was silently pleased and encouraged Az in all of his spying and chaperoning of Nesta and Cassian (now that was a title that held no responsibilities!). They found themselves able to work around Azriel’s crushing need to try to get eyes and ears on Briallyn, and Rhys’s absolute no on that endeavour.

When Az flew toward the River House that day, he was high. As in emotionally high. The three longest term trainees had cut the ribbon, all three in the one day. Valkyries indeed. Gwyn had made the break through first and he knew without question that the impromptu lesson during Solstice had given her the tools and the courage to be first. Her success radiated through him as she let Nesta tie the ribbon around her forehead. She’d lifted her chin in his direction and winked. She winked at him! Yes, yes, of course it was a student teacher type interaction, it was not wreathed in innuendo nor suggestive in any way. He saw the person beneath peeking out from the robes and the trauma and he was knocked backwards by her grace.

It truly did not help that the glass rose swung free of her neckline and glimmered in the sun. Her hair was tearing free from it’s braid around her cheeks and the thrill of the conquest, the blush on her cheeks turned her into the most glorious creature. Az was used to this now. Every few days he’d catch a look or a moment of pure beauty from her and he’d file it away. He was not masturbating to his images of her and he thought of that as a good sign. The Sidra Salvation was becoming a regular stop during his week so the tightness and the angst were distant needs. The loneliness was a constant companion, but it was smothered often by his friends, his family their court and it’s demands.

So wrapped up was he in thoughts of training success, he did not see Elain standing by the lavender path leading to the front door. She was engrossed in her work but immediately he landed she stood and walked directly to him.

“Elain….. um hello” he stammered out

“You won’t talk to me and you never see me when you are here. What was so bad?” She dropped her gaze as if all the courage that it took to say those words had left her empty

Azriel pulled himself together and guided Elain to the bench seat alongside the house. It was out of sight of most of the windows and he could tell that Elain did not want anyone to see her like this. His past-self strained to take her in his arms, but the stronger better male was in charge now and he knew to support without overture was his job.

“I’m sorry Elain” Her name on his lips brought a sob to her mouth and she covered it with a shaking hand.

“I hoped to let you sort out these feelings without getting in your way, without making your decisions more difficult” He was finding this really difficult, her bottom lip was tight as she held tears

“But, you saved me. You were the only one who saw me. The only one who has seen me since I became this” She indicated her perfect fae form from toes to pointed ears.

“I promised Rhys” As soon as the words left his mouth AZ knew the hurt they would cause, the trouble.

Elain shook her head once, gritting her teeth “The mighty High Lord forbade you from what, being friends with me, from pursuing me? He enjoyed seeing the steel will under the stunning exterior. So rarely seen, so alluring.

Azriel did not extract himself from her tight grip but he knew that for himself, for Elain to get past this point, she needed the truth and nothing less. Even if it wounded him, wounded her. No good could come from mincing around these basic fae instincts, the mating bond, the trouble between courts.

“Elain you have to listen and you have to know that I do not say this to hurt you, even though I know it might. This is important”

She nodded, but her eyes cast down, tears leaking from each.

“There is no law that says that every party involved must accept the mating bond..”

“Oh, THIS again” Elain went to stand. Azriel clutched her hands tighter

“Yes Elain, THIS again. Because it will not go away. Not ever. No matter how far you go or how much you avoid it. You will feel it. He will feel it and it will never go away”

She sobbed into his hands, hers tightening and releasing. “I know. I know”

Az blew out a breath and stroked her hair. She stiffened and he smiled

“Just supporting, not seducing” he stared at her and she lifted the corners of her mouth.

“I am just so sick of life doing things to me. Without me. Losing Feyre, becoming rich again, being betrothed to Graysen” (she said quietly) “Being kidnapped and then the cauldron, losing Graysen and my father” She drew a shaky breath.

“I wanted something else, something mine and my choice. I thought that you were my choice, and I might be yours” The last had been mumbled out of her mouth – a truth that she didn’t want to give up. Azriel’s chest cracked a little and he pulled her toward him.

He breathed into her hair “You would be, you could be - except for the bond”

Elain gasped and pulled away, nearly stood up.

“People keep telling me that it’s up to me if I accept it or not, I don’t have to like Lucien. I don’t have to be with him. I have no interest in being with him. Why won’t you fight for me?” She squared her shoulders and glared at him with what was decidedly a Nesta I will slay my enemies look. Exactly the conversation that Az had been trying to avoid for a month, since that stupid night, that ridiculous present that was all about wanting to be a part of something bigger than himself. And he had dragged her into this web, knowing full well the fall out would be massive.

“Please, wait and …and listen” Elain stalled her stomp off as he composed himself and spoke

“Everyone has been so careful around you, well not just you, we coset Feyre and we hide scary truths from each other (he thought of Mor) and we do it thinking that we’re doing right, helping. We are not helping you Elain. The truth of your life is that Lucien is in it. You have decisions to make, but I cannot offer you myself, I cannot create a civil war between our court and at least two others if I fight for you. I cannot disobey my high Lord” He nodded in truth and stroked her hand “No matter what our circumstances may have led us to do in the past. I like you Elain, I probably even love you as my High Lady’s sister, but to accept any relationship with you is a war starter and you know, it won’t even work for you to release the bond this way.”

“But Why, why Azriel” How many times had he thought about his name spoken by her, not with this edge of grief, but with joy like the night she’d given him the headache powder. He steeled his soul

“Because you need to explore the mating bond and not just by ignoring it and Lucien. I’m not one to extol his finer points but he does have them. Feyre might tell you some. Rhys and Mor might tell you others. You have to know that even I know, he was not a part of your kidnapping and definitely not a part of your being made Fae. Even before he knew you were his mate, he has never contributed to harm coming your way.”

If only for the fact that Elain had never heard Azriel speak so many words together, she believed him. She knew that her idealistic gardening, helping Velarisians, and ignoring the part of her life that needed growth itself, was over. Her consolation was Nesta and Feyre and their journeys through the dark to the light. She might be able to get there, to that immersion in life. The great, the sad, the truth of it. She knew they’d help. But she would have to tell them what she needed, not just avoid what she didn’t want.

They were both standing and she wrapped her arms around Azriel’s middle linking her fingers to cage him in for a little while

“Thank you. For telling me the truth, I don’t want it, but I probably needed it” She glanced up at him – Gods he was a fine figure even for a fae. She giggled to herself.

“How much trouble are you in if Rhys finds us?”

More Chapters? Try the Chapter Link

“I will wear it if you promise this is the beginning of our totally platonic, sister/brother hugs are allowed everything else is out of bounds relationship” He smiled a world lighting lifting of his usually neutral face and she nodded but held him tighter.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Survival.”

I had a lot of fun writing this one. Honestly being inside his head is so much fun, and I hope you all like it  :). Hope it makes you laugh today. 

So, I survived….

Surprise!

Not sure how that is going to turn out for me, and as I wake up lying back down in the sand and my right hand chilled from the cool inland ocean, I begin to realize that the awful ordeal I had gone through wasn’t just a dream. At first it felt like it, warm sand below my back and cool water on my fingertips. Somewhere birds are chirping, and I lay there for a while simply soaking in heaven, that is until I hear the secondary explosion as one the aux engines which  jolts me upright sitting there covered in sand, my clothes singed, my arms aching from minor burns…. Completely alone.

Looking around I realize that this is not in fact earth, those are not, in fact birds, and I am not, in fact dead and being shown to heaven, but in fact much of the opposite. This is not earth, those look like tiny dinosaurs, and this is honestly, probably hell.

I take a minute to get my bearings before slowly crawling my way to my feet stumbling upright. The prosthetic takes most of the weight as I limp up the beach and back towards the wreckage of the command deck. I don’t expect to get much out of it considering that the entire thing is on fucking fire, but give me a bit of a break, less than a day ago I had been plunging towards a blakhole (or what I thought was a black hole that clearly turned out to not be) sure that I was going to die. In a way I was just a little pissed off. Don’t get me wrong, its not because I WANTED to die, I am actually one of the few humans on the face of the galaxy who enjoys living, but simply because I had accepted the fact that I was going to die. I had made peace with it, I had expected it, but instead I had been thrown into one of the worst warp experiences of my life, rattled around inside the command deck and then crash landed spectacularly onto an unknown planet.

I mean, it didn’t look like any place I Had ever seen before. Sure the sand and the ocean were almost natural, but tall, skinny, thousand foot trees certainly weren't, and neither were  the large shelled crustaceans shambling up the beach .

I sighed and sat down in the sand with a soft plop watching as fire continued to smolder at the wreckage of my ship. It was only now that I realized my shoes were  gone, and I could  feel the sand between my toes. 

Then the slight hissing hits me, and I turn to look down at my arm where a glint of bright silver catches my attention.

The iron eye suit.

I hadn’t had time to take it off.

I flexed my fingers watching the mid morning light run up and down the metal.

Ok, that was interesting.

Of course my dumbass had managed to take off the jetpack at some point….. shit.

I flopped back in the sand staring up at the sky. It was all coming back to me now, the entire ordeal from start to finish. The fight with the Kree, the space battle --that was arguably pretty fucking awesome…. Eat your heart out kirk-- and finally my destruction of the ship and my journey to the sort of blackish but not really, hole. 

It occured to me: Everyone thought I was dead.

That stopped my musings for a second. What would happen? They wouldn’t look for me…. Would they? Then again UNSC policy held that no man was considered KIA until there was a body. I would be pronounced missing in action though assumed dead.

Someone else would be given command, my ship would have to be repaired, and meanwhile the crew would be disbanded or sent on leave.

Katie, maverick, Ramirez, Krill, Conn, Narobi, Cannon…. They all thought I was dead.

Waffles?

Fuck… thinking about her made me want to cry. Like I am going to be honest here guys, when a dog dies in a movie or when a dog is sad in a movie because their human dies, I don’t give a shit about the human, but I will cry. I will cry like a weenie because the dog is sad. 

Like when all three of your brothers are sitting on your right hand side, and you have this magic ability to be water falling out of one eye while the other is dry  to save face with  your manhood kind of cry, no? Is that just me 

Then my family, my father, my mother, my brothers. What would this do to them? They'd be devastated sure… Imagining my mother hearing about my untimely death was heartbreaking, and I was worried more than ever about Thoams. His quiet struggle with heroin addiction, and his recent one year sobriety was a big step for him…. Would my death mean setting him back? Was I that important to him that something might happen? He never dealt with stress well, so what was going to happen.

And… Sunny?

I had saved her life, yes but what had I done to her in the process?  I had made her watch me die, unable to do anything. I had made her helpless, a victim of circumstance: something I knew she would never forgive herself for. I may have saved her life but…. I possibly ruined her in the process.

…

…

It's a good thing my brothers weren’t here because I wasn’t going to be able to do the one eye waterfall trick. This time it was going to be both eyes…. Still mad that that screwdriver hadn’t ruined my tear ducts too, I could have benefited from that.

I’d say I took about five six minutes to myself to be a pathetic bitch lying there in the sand feeling sorry for myself, and then I wiped my eyes manned up and got to my feet.

Alright.

I looked around at the open planet and the smouldering wreckage of my once beautiful ship. There was only one option here. I had to find a way out, or at least a way to survive, so maybe one day someone might find me somehow…. Yeah yeah yeah I get it is unfounded optimism and it is totally not going to happen, but let a man dream a little.

I was going to have to channel the spirit of one of my childhood idols.

Mark Watney 

You know from that book about the guy who gets stuck on mars by himself for a year, the one that was made into a pretty good movie with Matt Damon. 

I liked both the book and the movie though they diverge a little towards the end:you know, because hollywood.

There are a couple of problems with this plan of course…. Number one being that I am not a super smart engineer botanist. I am in fact, a fighter pilot, and a raging idiot. 

I mean granted I did go to that pilot training school where they drop you out into the forest for a month and tell you good luck, that sucked shit, so it's not like I am completely helpless but still.

However, luckily for me, unlike Mark, I don’t have to worry about air, or water. Granted I have to worry about food, but in a different way. I don’t know what here would be edible to humans, so I am going to have to read carefully. THere is also the issue of clean water which Mark never had to worry about, I do.

YEah, I get it, our circumstances are very different, but I think what I want to channel most about him is his attitude, nihilistically optimistic. 

I am going to survive this.

I look up at the sky watching as the planet’s rings glow dimly overhead through the blue atmospheric haze.

First thing was first, water, food and a weapon.

Fun fact about my model of ship:It is already ready for a scenario like this and has emergency packs stored under every seat of the bridge. Of course the problem there being the bridge is now on fire.

I walk over to the ocean and cut strips of my uniform to tie around my hands. I know it won’t give me much, ut it is better than nothing. Then I dunk myself in the water. It’s cold and causes me to shiver, but the air around me is warm, so I am not so worried.

I turn and head back towards the ship keeping a distance from the larger fires and heading towards the more smouldering ones. I don’t strike much luck to begin with, but eventually I manage to haul out one emergency pack from under one of the crew chairs. MY hands get a bit singed in the process, and the hot metal causes me to yowl like an angry cat and drop the case to the ground, but at least I have something.

I wait or it to cool off for a few minutes before dragging it back up the beach and sitting down to open.

Jackpot!

I have a canteen (with purifier) one of those filtration straws, to make the inland ocean my cup, and a handy little device that analyses organic material and tells you if it's edible or not.

I love living in the future 

I also had emergency blankets, fire starting material, a knife, a flair gun, a radio. This was also along with a couple of other odds and ends like a compass, paracord,  first aid kit, inflatable life raft, a multi-tool , monocular, and a box of nails.

The first aid kit included, bandages, antibiotic ointment, antibiotics of the general: for whatever stabs or infects you variety, painkillers, a turnakit, sewing needle and thread, staple gun: sort of, gauze anti-inflammatories, and fuck yes, a razon a toothbrush and some toothpaste. 

If i ever got off this planet and back home I was to kiss whoever made this case, man woman does not mater, they are getting a kiss, cheek if they happen to be married of course, but if they really insist I um up for full mouth contact on the person who saved my life.

All jesting aside, this was good, and I first went to go get a drink of water.

HYdrations is important kiddos.

Next I had to tend to my injuries, minor burns and scrapes, bruises that I could do nothing about. Then it was time for a little shelter, which i erected with great ease between a couple of the strange tall trees, using torn up ferns to provide bedding on the inside and a canopy overhead.

I was feeling pretty badass right now, survivor style, though lets be honest, I was kind of lame since I had so much help from the magic box of wonderful mysticalities.

You know between this gox of medicine and the arc of the covenant, I would definitely pick this box first, for sure.

Took me a good day or two to get settled, and I’ll admit it wasn’t easy.

Gathering food was fine, I found some berries and fruits off of nearby plants, a couple of roots that were ok to eat, and even some of the crustaceans were palatable once I cooked them, using my fire pit and laying them out over a slab of discarded ship metal.

But there were a couple things I failed to think about.

A couple of things being 

1# there is no fucking TP on this planet, also I had to dig a hole for fear of accidentally giving myself cholera or some nasty thing on accident by contaminating a water supply.

2# bed uncomfortable 

3# no sunscreen 

4# After a couple days your really start to smell like ass, now hold on for a minute there, I am completely in the habit of washing my ass,I promise, but I am telling you unwashed human just  smells like ass, no way around it, greasy nasty sweaty stank.

The clothes don’t help obviously, and I found a way to wash the clothes by rubbing them in the sand and using some sweet smelling leaves.

OF course you know the problem with all that, right?

Naked.

While on laundry day I am completely nude out in the sun on a tropical planet. If someone were to go flying overhead, they would see more than they bargained for, and way more than they wanted  as my pasty white ass flapped around in the breeze as they drove by.

A change of clothes was in order, so I spent the day, while my clothes were being washed, sitting on the sidelines using plant material, scraps and thread to pull together a rudimentary grass skirt/ loincloth of sorts

Now don’t think it didn’t cross my mind everyone.

I half expected god to descend from the sky and ask me what I was doing.

This whole covering your junk with leaves thing seems to be a theme for people named Adam  

And yes that was a biblical reference, I am in fact named after the first man, so this is a fitting bonding moment for me and my namesake.

The biggest issue of course is when everything slows down, late at night as I am trying to fall asleep, and I realize that…. I may be stuck here forever.

I will grow old and die alone on this island.

And no one will ever know. 

[transhawks]

Hawks and the Trolley Problem

I. What is the Trolley Problem?

The Trolley Problem is an ethical thought experiment, mostly testing outcomes and methods of achieving them. It goes like this:

There is a runaway trolley barreling down the railway tracks. Ahead, on the tracks, there are five people tied up and unable to move. The trolley is headed straight for them. You are standing some distance off in the train yard, next to a lever. If you pull this lever, the trolley will switch to a different set of tracks. However, you notice that there is one person on the side track. 

You have two options:

A. Do nothing and allow the trolley to kill the five people on the main track. B. Pull the lever, diverting the trolley onto the side track where it will kill one person.

What is the right thing to do?

There are schools of thought that attempt to explain this problem. A common response is to divert the trolley, actively making the choice to kill one person to save five. In this scenario, you are making an active choice to kill someone for the ‘greater’ outcome, which assumes that the best outcome is to save as many as possible. We will call this choice the Utilitarian option.

The second option is to do nothing and let the five people die. Why? Because then it’s a matter of letting the trolley do what it intends to and not actually pulling a lever and condemning a person to death. By choosing inaction in order to not murder anyone, you could stay true to a moral of never killing anyone. This is the Kantian option.

Of course, the Trolley Problem is customizable - people add all sort of features, like instead pushing someone in front of the trolley to stop it, or including knowing someone in the line up of potential dead. It doesn’t even have to be a trolley - all it asks is what is the right thing to do? And, of course, what is the value of a human life.

II. What is Hawks’s Dilemma? 

Hawks has infiltrated the Paranormal Liberation Front and managed to manipulate Twice into befriending him and providing him with information leading to a preemptive strike by the Heroes against the PLF. However, he feels that Twice is a greater harm than just an information source and thus has used his friendship to kidnap Twice, keeping him and his quirk away from a battlefield where he would easily be able to overwhelm the hero forces. Without Twice, the villains are far more easily beatable. 

BNHA 263 ends with Hawks threatening Twice with his feather-knives and asking himself the question, internally: What is the right thing to do?

Let’s break the options down:

A. Hawks kills Twice to effectively ensure he cannot escape and help. The villains are not able to use his clones in the battle, leaving them vulnerable. Hawks ensures heroes survive the battle (assuming no unexpected things happen), and that the status quo the PLF want to topple is maintained. Low amounts of civilian casualties, hero casualties. The problems that caused this issue in the first place continue.

B. Hawks lets Twice go. Twice uses his clones to defend the PLF, ensuring more casualties for both the heroes, and possibly the PLF. Eventual massive civilian casualties. Status Quo is broken, system is broken - the problems that created this are addressed, either by further perpetuation or reduction.

There are also other factors.

Hawks knows Twice. Heroes are not typically supposed to kill villains. Hawks has referred to Twice as ‘good-natured’, and reflected it made it easier to accomplish this, yet he also seems surprised by how much Twice genuinely likes and trusts him. He also knows, on both sides, many of the people likely to die from this.

Miruko in 262 mentions that heroes hold back fighting villains - killing is not usually an action heroes are allowed or suggested to take.

And, lastly, Hawks’s choice is not solely his - up to now he has performed his duty as a tool to the Hero Public Safety Commission.  

III. How the Hero System Would Tackle the Problem?

Let’s talk about what it means to be a hero.

From what we’ve seen in the manga and spin off Vigilantes, there’s an actual calculation, maybe even algorithm in how heroes get paid. It is a clearly a numerical one.

The question is how exactly should anyone looking at a catastrophe begin to count the worth of human life? We don’t have exact confirmation, but it’s likely the ‘Specialty Organization’ is none other than the HPSC, or the Hero Commission as fandom likes to call them. 

From previous encounters, we know that they are utilitarian in outlook, hence the way they sent Hawks to infiltrate the League. To the HPSC, the consequences of an action matter far more than the morality of the action itself. As a organization that, then, depersonalizes choices in terms of numbers and metrics, a simple calculation that five people over one intended casualty is acceptable.

Remember, the HPSC also comes out with ranks. Heroism is numbers to their system and they got the calculation.

In Japan, Professional Heroes are officially ranked by taking in account several factors such as the number of cases solved, general popularity, and level of social contribution. (bnha wiki)

In their view, Hawks would choose A. There’s no option for him otherwise. The HPSC continues to exist as long as everyone accepts their metrics and calculations. Lives, to them, have an internal quantifiable logic. So do hero actions.

Villains do, too, but only in ‘resolving’ them. As incidences. 

IV. What are Lives Worth, Anyway?

The more factors we include in this problem, the more complications. A kantian viewpoint might come from someone in the Liberation Front - Twice’s quirk is amazing and far more valuable that most quirks. If we put Twice in the Trolley Problem, it’s unlikely that the five other people would have comparable quirks. Thus, simply on that basis, Twice’s ‘worth’ would be more than the others and no lever would be pulled.

For Hawks, it would be the action itself. Heroes do not kill, and while he has been conditioned into taking the HPSC’s metrics into the forefront of his decision-making all his life, the active choice to kill Twice would have consequences.

Hawks has already shown to struggle with guilt - besides the words he said after the Jeanist incident, manipulating Endeavor into coming with him just to use him as a shield against whatever the League had did disturb Hawks, just from facial expressions. He does even question that he has to perform immoral actions in order to do as the HPSC wishes. At the same time he has generally gone along with the idea that the ends justify the means.

It’s very obvious what would happen if any of us ever encountered a “trolley problem” in real life. We would panic, do something rashly, and then watch in horror as one or more persons died a gruesome death before our eyes. We would probably end up with PTSD. Whatever we had ended up doing in the moment, we would probably feel guilty about for the rest of our lives: even if we had somehow miraculously managed to comply with a consistent set of consequentialist ethics, this would bring us little comfort.  ( Nathan Robinson, Current Affairs. 2017)

As I wrote this, someone mentioned The Good Place, a show that showed explored the Trolley Problem in depth. One of the conclusions it came to is that nevertheless of the circumstances it is horrifying. No matter the ethics, faced with such a problem, most people would not come away of it well. Hawks included because he is not a machine and is capable of feeling guilt either way.

If he kills Twice, he kills and betrays a friend, and saves the lives of hundreds of thousands or millions, and betraying people he has gotten to know over the course of months. But that’s a weight he’ll have to bear for the rest of his life, if he manages to survive. He’ll have to know he did what Heroes are avoidant to do; kill. 

If he doesn’t kill Twice, Twice will help lead a revolution that, while addressing many of the issues Hawks sees with society, will kill Hawks’s thousands of colleagues and many innocents in the crossfire.

V. A Different Question?

The issue then is not what Hawks does, but why he has to ask this question of himself in the first place. The thing is that there are rarely only two options in any given situation.

The thing is situations are created. And so are choices. They do not come out of thin air. They are not in a self-contained vacuum. Twice was created, and so was Hawks, and so was the Commission. The choices Hawks faces right now are not removed from hundreds of years of other decisions, and powers that enact them.

If I am forced against my will into a situation where people will die and I have no ability to stop it, how is my choice a “moral” choice between meaningfully different options, as opposed to a horror show I’ve just been thrust into, in which I have no meaningful agency at all? Let’s think a bit more about who put me here and how to keep them from having diabolical power over others.  ( Nathan Robinson, Current Affairs. 2017)  

The thing about ascribing morality, too, to individual actions is it misses the powers of institutional forces upon our lives. What does that look like in BNHA?

It means we see Ujiko and not an Empire AFO has been building for at least a century to make sure there are systems in place creating noumus, and people like Shigaraki who exist in this world. 

It means we see Endeavor and his heroism and brilliant record and not a system ignoring that a man who bought a woman to force her to have children in a genetic experiment is now the symbol of Peace and Stability for that system. 

It means we see Twice as a regrettable casualty of society whose only option for acceptance was among murderers fulfilling a murder-empire and not a consequence of both AFO’s system and the Hero System to make sure people like him have no safe place in the world.

It means we see Hawks poised to kill Twice and not the organization that bought him as a child and raised him into a soldier who has to decide whether to kill one or many.

And once you realize that none of these questions, none of these options are fair or right in these terms - not the one for many, not the sparing to absolve personal guilt, you can ask the question what is right thing to do.

What I mean is maybe there shouldn’t be heroes or villains. None of that conflict should exist. There’s no rights in either view. Yes the hero system should be eradicated. But the lack of future Shigaraki envisions, and the dystopian plans AFO and Ujiko actually have, and the Liberation Army plan for, are also wrong. 

Neither of the systems proposed have the right answer or the right to posit one. 

The real answers are not in the right or wrongs. They’re in every other sentence. They’re in Jirou’s encouragement of Kaminari, in Shigaraki telling the League he wants them to be happy with what they love, in Keigo’s unsure smile as Jin looks at him and tells him he’s a good person for caring for his friends. The answers are in the love that ordinary people have for each other, that no manufactured conflict and institution can quantify or destroy. And that hopefully, someone will voice this.

VI. What will Hawks Answer?

The thing about this is that we aren’t sure if Keigo will fully make a decision right now. There’s a likelihood he will be interrupted. Or he will put off his decision-making and spare Twice for the moment, delaying his choice. And that’s just ignoring the fact that there isn’t one choice to make here; no, lots of them. 

However, Keigo has made one personal life-changing decision in before; the HPSC has taken that choice and removed free will from it. 

Self-sacrifice, after all, is both the will of the HPSC and Hawks’s true nature. If quirks are to show us the nature of the person, why not Hawks’s feathers, deceptively soft but deadly, maneuverable and revealing, and yet, ultimately consist of him breaking his only ability to fly free until he no longer can? What’s more self-sacrificial than breaking off pieces of yourself to save others?  

The Good Place has an answer to the problem that accepts that no matter the options, and the questions, someone will lose something. Die maybe. The solution is that if someone must die, why not yourself?

The one comfort is that for all the lack of choices Hawks has been given in this situation - this is the one solution he can come up with on his own.

[wisteria-lodge]

Character Analysis: Sorting Pirates of the Caribbean

So @sortinghatchats is brilliant. Absolutely my favorite character (and person!) analysis system. Instead of one house, you get two - a PRIMARY (your motivation, why you do things), and a SECONDARY (your toolbox, how you get things done.) Here is a very stripped down refresher, and here is my explanation for why I am saying Lion, Bird, Badger and Snake instead of the names of the Hogwarts houses. 

IDEALIST PRIMARY Lion - I do what I feel is right. (MORAL) Bird - I do what I decide is correct. (LOGICAL) LOYALIST PRIMARY Badger - I do what helps my community (PEOPLE MATTER) Snake - I do what helps me/my inner circle (MY PEOPLE MATTER)

IMPROVISATIONAL SECONDARY Lion - Charge! React! Smash the system! Snake - Transform, adapt, find the loophole. BUILT SECONDARY Bird - Plan, make tools, gather information. Badger - Community-build, caretake, call in favors.

Now let’s talk Pirates of the Caribbean! I’m mostly focusing on the first film because it’s the best and my favorite, but I do mention 2 and 3.

***

Jack Sparrow is the classic Snake secondary. He’ll improvise an escape, improvise a weapon, wait for “the opportune moment.” He’s never fought fair in his life and doesn’t feel the tiniest bit bad about it. He’s silver-tongued. When he’s in a tight spot, he’ll tell you exactly what he thinks you want to hear. And if he knows you don’t trust him, he’ll reverse-psychology you on purpose.

It’s hard to see past his theatrical, charming, over-the-top way of doing things, and that’s on purpose. The last time Jack told someone what he actually wanted, he got himself marooned. No wonder he “plays things close to the vest now,” living in his secondary, and making people guess his motives. 

At first he appears totally pragmatic, always on the side of the person who can give him the most stuff. But I don’t buy it. Jack Sparrow has a weird code of honor. Maybe not one he’s comfortable with (“you can never predict when an honest man is going to do something incredibly… stupid.”) But it’s there. The way he’s introduced - alone, respectfully saluting hanged pirates – that’s letting us know it’s not just his own freedom he values.

I like that little moment after he rescues Elizabeth when he makes it clear that she doesn’t owe him anything. “I saved your life, you saved mine, we’re square” implies that there’s a right way to do things, and that the wrong way is making people feel obligated. Jack has similar moments with Gibbs. Every time he says “keep to the Code,” he’s reaffirming that no one has to save him. When his crew abandons him, Jack shrugs and says, “They’ve done what’s right by them. Can’t ask for more than that.” 

This means that Jack Sparrow has a Lion primary. But he’s a pirate, so his felt morality is less right vs. wrong and more free vs. trapped. Apart from that he’s actually kind of a classic Lion - perfectly happy on his own, so long as he doesn’t have to compromise his morals. In a deleted scene we learn that he turned pirate because he refused to be a slave ship captain, and that’s in character. He only wants the Black Pearl because the Black Pearl is freedom. That’s the message he teaches, as an unconventional mentor. He cuts Elizabeth out of her literal corset, and prods Will out of his figurative one.

(and a magic compass that points to whatever Jack wants most is a gorgeous metaphor for a Lion primary, guided by their feelings and intuition. Their internal compass).

Elizabeth Swann has a pirate’s soul. She ends the story as Pirate King. But when we meet her, she is a high-class lady deeply suspicious of the rules. She’s not on board with the latest fashions, eager to ditch her table manners, and she’s real friendly with Will - even though it makes her father bluster, “The setting is not entirely proper!” Miss Elizabeth Swann is stifled by her situation (her corset is too tight.) She’s got a whole life planned out for her, and it’s a nice life. Port Royal is a nice city and Norrington is a nice guy. But still. The thought that this is where things are going makes her uncomfortable. 

Elizabeth wants to be able to act based on her gut responses. And as long as the pirates are also doing this, she’s on board. But she ditches the Pirate Code the moment it contradicts her own internal felt morality.

ELIZABETH: All of you with me. Will is in that cave and we must save him! (…) GIBBS: There’s the Code to consider. ELIZABETH: The Code. You’re pirates. Hang the Code, and hang the rules. They’re more like guidelines anyway.

She’s been using the pirate way of life as a way to justify and explain the way she’s always felt. And when you put things in that order (I like this system because it supports what I already know to be true) that’s a Lion primary. Also, the advice her dad gives her is just so perfect for a Lion: “Even a good decision if made for the wrong reasons can be a wrong decision.” You’re doing the smart thing Elizabeth, not the thing you feel is right. It’ll make you miserable. Stop it.

When it comes to secondaries, Elizabeth definitely has some Bird skills. She collects data (about pirates), and can put a plan into action. But it’s a model. When she’s in trouble, when things are serious, she goes improvisational Snake secondary all the way. Elizabeth lies to Barbossa, tells Norrington what he wants to hear, pretends to be drunk to put Jack off his guard. She improvises weapons, and she plays into “proper lady” stereotypes so people underestimate her. Gibbs actually recognizes this, and calls Elizabeth “daft like Jack.”

Elizabeth and Jack do house-match, which is why they always seem to get each other. Elizabeth can pin Jack down and make him give her a straight answer. She’s the only one who can consistently trick him. And when she kills him – well, he forgives. Easily. It’s never even a thing. If he had been in Elizabeth’s place he would have done exactly the same thing, and he knows it. And he knows she knows it.

(it’s kind of neat how at the end of the first movie, the two of them are trapped by Norrington, then freed by Norrington, and go off to form the core of their respective pirate crews.)

Will Turner is a charging Lion secondary who deals with challenging situations by laying all his cards on the table and throwing his sword at something. This makes him a really good foil for the Snake secondary leads, and I will never get tired of watching Jack make faces, and say variations of “how about this time we don’t just run in screaming, yeah?”

JACK: Do us a favor. I know it’s difficult for you, but please, stay here. And try not to do anything… stupid.”

WILL: Let her go! BARBOSSA: You’ve only got one shot, and we can’t die. JACK: Don’t do anything stupid… WILL: You can’t. I can! JACK: … like that.

JACK: So what’s your plan then? WILL: I row over there, search the ship until I find your bloody key. JACK: And if there are crewmen? WILL: I cut down anyone in my path.

To be fair, Will does start off with a Badger secondary model. Badgers care about things being fair, and Will gets annoyed at Jack for cheating, and annoyed at Elizabeth for stealing the medallion. He’s also really leaning into the hard work aspect of the Badger secondary by practicing sword fighting three hours a day. But this doesn’t seem to be a secondary that’s especially good for him. It makes him tense and uptight, and by the end of the first film he’s completely thrown it off.

I really considered a Snake primary for him, based on how single-mindedly he goes after Elizabeth. Movies 2 and 3 just keep throwing Loyalist conflicts at him. (Will can stay with Elizabeth or save his father, but he can’t do both!) But I think he’s actually a Badger primary.

This boy cares about his communities a lot. He doesn’t think he can be with Elizabeth (even though she clearly likes him) because of “propriety.” He believes society when society tells him she’s out of his league. He covers for a boss who spends most of his time passed-out drunk, probably out of a sense of loyalty, or because he feels that’s what he’s supposed to do. He starts off the film completely dehumanizing pirates, but slowly learns his lesson –  a very Badger primary character arc. And then, when Will rescues Jack at the end, it’s not because Jack is his (the way a Snake primary would parse it) but because Jack is a good man who isn’t being treated right.

(also the “part of the ship, part of the crew” refrain that Will’s new crew chants as he takes over for Davy Jones is very… dark Badger magic. You are becoming part of the whole.)

Hector Barbossa is the definition of a Burnt Primary. He can’t want. He can’t allow himself to want. Wanting is off the table. (because he is an undead skeleton.)

However, I do think that when Barbossa is healthy and y’know, not cursed, he’s a Snake primary. His beloved monkey is a little nod to the sorts of Snakey bonds he would like to form, but isn’t able to at the moment. Apart from that, he values self-care, and is a bit of a hedonist. He likes pretty things. He likes putting Elizabeth in pretty dresses. He likes elegantly prepared food, antique furniture, and nice hats. (Things start getting serious in the sword fight after Jack cuts off his feather.) This is why I think his redemption arc is so funny. Once his primary unburns, and he’s able to want things safely, he pretty much becomes a happy-go-lucky good guy overnight. And you know, I completely buy it.

As for secondary, I’m going with Badger. Barbossa community builds (he’s a much better captain than Jack.) He gives morale raising speeches. Leader of a mutiny is pretty classic dark Badger stuff. Marooning Jack, and dropping Bootstrap Bill into the ocean tied to a canon are both very ruthless, very public acts that are all about weaponizing community as a way to dehumanize your enemies and cement your power.

James Norrington starts out very Establishment (like Elizabeth.) But unlike Elizabeth, he seems to enjoy the way he can just see his life all laid out. Work his way up, become Commodore, marry the governor’s daughter. He proposes the second after he gets his promotion, it really is like he’s working from a checklist. It’s a very rigid Bird primary.

And he follows the law: “One good deed is not enough to redeem a lifetime of wickedness.” But more than that, he is comforted by following the law. When Jack tempts him into going after the Black Pearl, Norrington is clearly feeling it – but says there are things he values more than his own gut responses.

JACK: Think about it… the last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up? NORRINGTON: By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Sparrow, not only myself.

This is such a great illustration of the difference between a Lion and Bird primary. A Bird’s higher power lives outside of them (and as we see here, that can make them really hard to tempt, bribe, or corrupt). But a Lion’s higher power is inside them, always. At the end of the film, Norrington adapts his system into something that looks a lot more Lion primary (this is a universe that likes Lions, and Norrington likes Lions too). But he’s still very, very Bird.

Governor Swann tells him that “perhaps on the rare occasion that the right course demands an act of piracy, piracy itself might be the right course,” and Norrington takes that in, sees the actions of Elizabeth, and says - okay. Maybe hunt all pirates always isn’t the perfect system I thought it was. Jack Sparrow tends to leave the world better than he found it, so it’s best to let him go. This change doesn’t seem upsetting to him, he doesn’t need to justify or explain it. It’s just obvious. Norrington reacts exactly the same when he learns that Elizabeth is not in love with him. He absorbs this new information, tells her that he understands, and walks away. When Lions change their minds, the process is a heck of a lot more emotional.

Then in the next film, the people around him don’t support his new Truth, and force Norrington to continue doing things he has discovered that he finds morally objectionable. And so he resigns his commission, burns, and goes into freefall, grasping at the systems he sees around him, trying to find something to hold onto. He seems like he might be beginning to build a more stable Truth – but dies before he can manage it. The sequels did Norrington dirty.

I actually want to say he’s a Badger secondary. At his most desperate and lost, his instinct is to join Jack’s crew. At his most powerful, he’s quietly calling in all his favors and getting the entire Royal Navy to look for Elizabeth. These are both versions of the same thing – leveraging community and connections to get things done. 

tl;dr

Jack Sparrow – Lion primary that sees “freedom” as the ultimate good, with a bit of an amoral, pragmatic Snake primary performance so people don’t find that out / Snake secondary

Elizabeth Swann –  Stifled Lion primary living in a situation where she’s not allowed to act on her instincts. Runs after pirates every chance she gets, because the ‘pirate life’ allows her to do just that / Snake secondary, Bird secondary model 

Will Turner – Badger primary / Lion secondary, Badger secondary model that Jack gets him to drop.

Hector Barbossa – Burnt Snake primary that un-burns when the curse that doesn’t allow him to want things is lifted / Badger secondary

James Norrington – Rigid by-the-books Bird primary that changes to something that looks a lot more Lion, before it burns in the sequels / Badger secondary

[theoriginalladya]

Intimacy Prompts #20: a hand written note for rydenko.

from this list

on AO3 here

Thank you so much for this one!  Sorry it took so long - I had an idea, but I got side tracked by other things! :)  Enjoy, my friend!  And thank you for asking about them!

Setting:  Andromeda Galaxy

~~~

It all begins as a joke.

Once his status as Pathfinder is officially recognized, the Initiative administrators cannot act fast enough to guarantee they have Kaidan Alenko on their side.  As the Nexus slowly opens, finally coming out of hibernation, the administrators agree they need to do something.  So, they give him an apartment.  

Scott has his father’s quarters back on the Hyperion, most of the others have their own quarters or stay on the Tempest, but all Kaidan has available to him is a cryo-pod, one that’s no longer useful now that he’s awake.  He doesn’t ask for anything, doesn’t even drop a hint.  Tann reminds him of others back in the Milky Way, even acts similarly, but he’s a crafty one, too.  In a move that is supposed to look as if the Initiative cares about their Pathfinders, they assign their lone Pathfinder an apartment.  Whether or not they actually do care about him and the role is beside the point.  

Kaidan, who detests being used as a political pawn but recognizes he can do nothing about it, hates it on sight.  

Okay, so maybe hate is too strong of a word. It isn’t the orchard back in the BC Interior, that’s for damned sure, and it’s a far cry from shared barracks during his Alliance years.  He has a room on the Tempest, so it he has some choice about where he can stay. But this… this tiny cubicle that they are calling an apartment?  Four walls, open spacing, barely any room to turn around without bumping into something? There is absolutely nothing homey about it.  Home, is something he’s still searching for.

That lasts about three weeks, until the day Scott drops by when Kaidan isn’t there and instead of messaging him to meet up elsewhere, leaves a handwritten note slipped beneath his door.  Kaidan almost misses it when he gets back after his meeting with Tann, Addison, and Kesh.  Just a small slip of paper – where had Scott found actual paper? – written in black ink.  A hint of white on an otherwise light-colored floor which is barely discernable.  Something about it catches the corner of his eye, though.  

K – Stopped by to see you.  Catch you later.  Scott

Kaidan reads it twice, just in case he’s having hallucinations thanks to the burgeoning migraine before setting it on the corner of his desk, thinking to send a reply via omni-tool.  But the meetings with Tann and the others are taking their toll, and even with SAM’s assistance, the pain is such he forgets until the next morning, at which point he decides to just head on over to the Hyperion instead. 

Of course, Scott isn’t there.

Scott – Was in the area and thought I’d save you a trip.  Better luck next time, right? Catch you on the Tempest.  K

The Tempest is scheduled out the next morning and, as typically happens aboard the ship with last minute things to do and distractions of all kinds, neither he nor Scott thinks to mention the messages to the other; almost an ‘out of sight, out of mind,’ sort of thing.  End of story.

Except, it isn’t.

The weeks pass, more notes appear at the apartment and on the Tempest or Hyperion.  Small ones. Silly ones.  Eventually, Scott starts leaving small sketches of different people on them – quick things, some cute, some ridiculous, but always they leave Kaidan smiling.  

A caricature of Tann speaking with Addison and Kesh mimicking him behind his back even as Tann’s head is blown up twice the size of the others.

A small cartoon of Suvi in the galley, laser focused as she points to different Heleus rocks and explains their different tastes to a very confused looking Drack while Lexi stands in the doorway scolding her.  

A stick figure sketch of Kallo and the several of the Tempest at various stages of the ship’s development.

Kaidan cannot hide his amusement at a more realistic looking sketch of Cora and Liam as they lean against one another in the back seat of the Nomad, fast asleep.  He remembers the incident clearly, from their last visit to Elaaden.  Even as he stares at the sketch, he swears he can hear their soft snores echoing in his ears as he tacks it to the wall over his desk next to the others.

Not to be outdone, Kaidan starts leaving quotes in his messages to Scott; from books, movies, and other inspirational sources he’s come across.  He’s been collecting them for years, long before he ever left for BAaT.  Most are saved on his omni-tool, but he has two small, leatherbound journals filled with the most meaningful ones he’s come across. They are about the only thing he was able to bring with him from home when he joined the Initiative.  

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. (1)

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty. (2)

We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated. (3)

Fear profits a man nothing.(4)

With each successive note between them, Kaidan learns a little bit more about Scott.  But the whole situation changes drastically after their adventures on the archon’s ship.  On the way back to the Nexus and after Lexi has cleared him, Kaidan does something he hasn’t done in centuries, if ever…

 ~~~~

 The buzzer to his Nexus apartment sounds, but Kaidan doesn’t bother to answer it.  It’s Scott, and the man has his own key.  The buzzer, he supposes, is Scott’s polite way to warn him that he’s arrived. The fact that Scott uses does it now of all times tells Kaidan something more; Scott is pissed.  

Well, I probably deserve it after what happened.  

He’s tempted to not answer, to see if Scott leaves a note, but decides not to risk it.  Opening the door, he steps to the side to allow the younger man in.  Scott remains silent, though his body language screams in a way that Kaidan easily recognizes.  Taut, tense, his lips tightened in a thin line, the way he won’t look directly at Kaidan… It’s one side of a conversation Kaidan’s been on many times, albeit hundreds of years before and in a different galaxy.

“Do you have any idea what you just did?” Scott demands, blue eyes sharp and snapping with anger.  “Any idea what could have happened back on the archon’s ship if SAM hadn’t been able to resuscitate you?  You-you could have died back there!”

Opting to let the younger man get it out in one fell swoop, Kaidan bides his time.  Well, except for one point of clarification.  “I did die.”

Scott growls in the back of his throat.  An honest to goodness growl.  Kaidan can’t help the small smirk that twists at his lips as a result.  When Scott steps forward, invading his personal space, Kaidan does something he usually doesn’t do; he goads him.  “What? It’s the truth, isn’t it?”

“Not helping the situation!”

Kaidan isn’t certain if he should be worried that SAM is, so far, remaining silent in his head.  “I needed to get us out of there,” he argues instead.  “How else was I going to –?”

“You?  Why did it have to be you?  Why is it always you?”  Scott tosses his hands in the air and turns away, frustration building until his biotic corona flickers around him.  Still grumbling to himself, he turns back, glaring at Kaidan.  “What the hell am I going to do if I lose you like that?”

Kaidan sucks in a breath, recognizing the pain. Sure, things between them have improved since their arrival in Andromeda – no place to go but up, right? – but this…? This is a reinforcement of what he’s hoped for ever since accepting Alec Ryder’s offer.  

Or am I reading too much into this?

On their private channel, SAM replies, “You are not, Kaidan.”

Scott still prowls around the room as Kaidan asks, “Can you come over here for a minute?”

“Why?  So you can die on me a third time?”

Petulance is not a good look for Scott, and Kaidan has to bite back a laugh; as much as he wants to set it free, it would do more harm than good just now.  “I want to show you something.”

Scott grumbles some more, even as Kaidan heads on over, but eventually he follows.  When he arrives, Kaidan hands him the letter.  “Read this.”

The blue-eyed glare returns, heavy with suspicion.  “What is it?”

“Just read.  Please.”

Scott waits another moment, two, then drops his gaze and starts reading.  For several minutes, Kaidan waits patiently, watching.  The letter isn’t long, but Scott is taking his time reading it, but Kaidan knows when Scott reaches the end because the younger man’s spine stiffens, his shoulders roll back, and his head snaps up as he darts a quick look up at Kaidan. “Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.(5)”  

When Scott says nothing else, Kaidan prods, “So, what do you think?”

Scott is quiet for a minute.  It’s difficult to read his reaction because he keeps his back to Kaidan the entire time, slightly hunched in the shoulders, utterly quiet. “Do you mean it?” he asks, voice soft as if having trouble pushing it out.

“I always try to say what I mean, Scott.”

The younger man turns around, his face a surprisingly neutral mask.  Considering how difficult that has been for him in the past, Kaidan is impressed.  “So, you’re saying you consider yourself the luckiest man on Earth or, in this case I guess, the Nexus, because you survived?”

Ah, so that’s the problem.  Reaching over, Kaidan settles a hand on Scott’s cheek. Scott leans into it, then apparently thinks better of it or at the very least realizes what he’s doing and pulls back. But that’s okay.  Kaidan now has a far better sense of what he is working with. Running his thumb along the corner of Scott’s lips, he says quietly, “I am the luckiest man in Andromeda because you are here with me.”

Tension immediately flows out of Scott and he visibly sags a bit.  “And you really mean that?  Because look, I get that my Dad talked you into all of this without checking with me first, and –”

Kaidan slides his thumb over the top of Scott’s lips to silence him.  “I really mean that.  This has nothing to do with your dad, but everything to do with you….”  

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 (1) The Godfather, part II

(2) Winston Churchill

(3) Maya Angelou

(4) 13th Warrior

(5) The Pride of the Yankees

[raiseyourcups]

Cabur

Chapter Five

Pairing: Din Djarin x Original Female Character Warnings: none, it’s a pretty chill chapter setting up Sorgan Word Count: 2.8k Also on AO3 

Masterlist

Summary: Our trio makes it to Sorgan but will they be able to stay?

They landed in a clearing in the middle of nowhere and Aili was quick to head down to the gangway. She was already tired of being on this ship with the Mandalorian just silently sitting and staring. She didn’t have anything but the silence on her own ship but even that was more comfortable. She couldn't make out what the Mandalorian was telling the Child, who really needed a name of some sort, but she could imagine that he wouldn't listen. Her suspicions were confirmed when she noticed the small kid waddling after Mando. She bit her lip to stop from smiling.

The Mandalorian opened the gangway before he finally looked down at the Child beside him. Aili could hear him let out a sigh, it sounded crackly thanks to his helmet's voice modulator. 

“He’s not going to stay if we leave.” Aili said quietly. She tried hard to keep the amused smile off of her face but it wasn’t working. The Mandalorian looked at her before looking back down at the Child. 

"Ah, what the hell...come on, kid."

The three of them walked through the wooded area silently, Aili making sure to take in everything around them. She knew the Mandalorian was probably doing the same thing, just because they hadn’t been followed didn’t mean they were in the clear. They came across what looked like a community hub in Aili’s opinion, maybe a common house. Everyone was talking amongst themselves and absolutely no one looked ready to start throwing punches.

The Mandalorian chose a table away from everyone else but not too far back just in case they had to run. He picked up the Child and placed him on the seat next to him and Aili sat on the other side of the little green kid in order to flank him just in case something happened. 

Aili did a quick glance from one end of the common house to the other and noticed a woman sitting against the far wall by herself. Hmm, interesting. What was she doing here? Aili let her gaze fall onto the proprietor walking their way figuring they wouldn’t have any trouble from the woman in the corner. She knew when someone was trying to hide from their past, she saw it every time she looked in a mirror.

“Welcome travelers, can I interest you in anything?” The proprietor, a woman who had probably spent her whole life on Sorgan, came up to them with a smile on her face.

“Bone broth, for the little one.”

“Well you’re in luck ‘cause I just took down a gringer, can I interest you two in a porringer of broth as well?" The proprietor asked, eyebrows raised in the hopes of a bigger sale. 

“Yes, please.”

“No.”

Both Aili and the Mandalorian said at the same time. 

Aili tried not to glare at the Mandalorian. She wasn't sure how he wasn't hungry but she hadn't eaten anything since before they left Nevarro. She smiled up at the proprietor and makde her next words drip with sugar, “I would love some, ignore him. He gets a little grumpy after a long flight.”

“Oh where did you come from?”

“Would you believe if I told you we came all the way from Batuu?” Aili wasn't stupid. She wasn't going to tell the woman the truth, that way if anyone showed up asking about them, the information wouldn't match. Nevarro was a ways away from Batuu after all. And if they were lucky, Karga was dead and no one knew to ask for a Mandalorian travelling with a woman and child. 

“Really?”

“We got to talking with someone who said Sorgan would be just as beautiful as the Spires and so we decided to come right over. But the trip was very long, could we actually get a porringer to go so he can have some later when he’s less grumpy?” Aili could almost feel the glare the Mandalorian was giving her behind his helmet but she didn’t care. For someone who wanted to lay low he was exceptionally bad at making himself less intimidating. Playing up the odd couple and their alien kid would work in their favor making them fit in easier. And if Mando wanted to stay here for longer than a night, they needed to fit in.

“No problem for someone as nice as you."

“Thank you."

She was about to leave when the Mandalorian made a sound. “Excuse me, but that one over there. When did she arrive?" He tilted his head towards where the shock trooper that Aili had spotted earlier was sitting. 

“Um, I’ve seen her here for the last week or so," the proprietor shrugged her shoulders, unsure why they wanted to know.

“What’s her business here?"

“Business? There’s really not much in Sorgan so I really can’t say. I mean she doesn’t strike me as a...log runner.” She trailed off as Mando placed several coins on the table between them. Aili hid a cringe behind her hand. “Thank you, sir. I’ll get that broth to you right away and I’ll throw in a flagon of spotchka just for good measure.”

“Really?” Aili asked as soon as the women left. “You call that laying low, asking questions and bribing someone, and where are you going?”

She glared at his retreating back and wondered if she should follow before deciding that if he wanted to get his ass handed to him by a rebel shock trooper then he could be her guest. But she wasn’t about to leave the kid on his own and the proprietor was so nice that she would feel bad if they just left now. Besides she had given too much of a cover story for them to just leave. She thanked the proprietor when she placed the bowls of bone broth in front of her and the kid and even though she could tell the kid was itching to follow Mando, she was able to get him to take a few sips of his broth.  

"Want to go see what he's up to, kid?" Aili asked, looking down at the Child. He let out a coo and she picked him up, bowl and all. She gave the proprietor a quick nod, pointing back at their table to let her know they would be back.

As soon as she stepped outside she heard boots dragging on dirt and small grunts. She looked up towards the sky and asked for any higher power to give her the patience to deal with this. She put the kid down and they both walked over towards the sounds.  Well, she walked and the kid shuffled after her. 

Aili looked down at the two with a raised eyebrow and pursed lips. She was not amused by them choosing to fight each other rather than talking it out. The Child seemed to be amused though, sipping his bone broth contently as he watched them. They both slowly looked over when the kid took a loud slurp of his broth. 

“Anyone else want some soup?” She didn’t wait for either of them to get up, turning on her heel and scooping up the Child so they could head back into the small cantina. She heard them get up to follow her back and they all sat down at the table. There was a short silence between them before the shock trooper broke it. 

“Cara Dune.”

“Aili Verdella.”

The Mandalorian stayed quiet but neither of the women were that surprised. 

“So, shock trooper?” AIli asked, her curiosity needing to know if she had gotten it right from her earlier glance. 

“Saw most of my action mopping up after Endor, mostly ex-Imperial warlords. They wanted it fast and quiet so they’d send us on drop ships. No support, just us. Then the politics started and I didn’t care for that so I left.”

“How’d you end up here?” The Mandalorian asked. 

“Early retirement of sorts. Look I could tell you were Guild, thought you had a fob on me, that’s the only reason I came at you so hard.”

“I figured.”

“So what are a Mandalorian and an...ow!” Cara was cut off by a sharp kick to the shin. She glared at Aili who gave an icy stare back. The Mandalorian looked between the two of them, eyes narrowed from behind his helmet. He didn’t like not knowing something that everyone else knew. 

“What am I missing here?”

“My leg slipped, sorry,” Aili said before Cara could say anything. “He skipped on a bounty and now we need somewhere to lay low.”

“Well, unless you want to go another round, this planet’s taken.”

“Clearly,” Aili said. She knew better than to steal someone else’s hiding spot and she figured the Mandalorian was the same way. 

They stayed in the common house until the kid finished his bowl of broth before they headed back out. The proprietor had come by before and gave them the bowl she had promised to save for the Mandalorian along with a bottle of Spotchka. They made it back to the Razor Crest shortly but not quick enough to make it before the sun set. 

“I need to make some repairs before we leave,” Mando said, already going into the ship and returning with a tool box. 

“Need help?” Aili asked as she watched the Mandalorian place the tool box into the ground before he went to move onto the ship again. 

“No.”

“Not even to bring out your lights?” Aili didn’t much care for the Mandalorian’s tough guy, ‘only I can help myself’ attitude. It wouldn’t help in the long run at all and the sooner he realized that, the sooner she could help him. 

“Fine.”

They made quick work of setting up the lights in a way that he would be able to see what he was doing but not be too bright in the dark forest. The last thing they needed was to be found because they were shining a literal beacon leading to them. Aili sat on the back gangway as Mando worked on some of the wiring under one of the landing gears. The kid had gone to sleep a while ago, something they were both grateful for since he was a handful already. Aili still wasn’t sure she really believed that he was 50 years old. 

There was nothing but the chirping sound of whatever bug life Sorgan had when Aili heard hesitant footsteps coming their way. No bounty hunter would be that obvious or that hesitant. She hopped down and made her way to where Mando was just in case. There were two locals looking scared out of their minds. No threat to anyone except maybe the bugs flying around. But she kept to the shadows of the ship for now.

“Excuse me.” 

The Mandalorian made no move to acknowledge them but Aili knew that he had to know they were there. 

“Excuse me, sir.” The other local tried this time, voice a little louder but nonetheless scared. 

“There something I can help you with?” Mando moved under the landing gear, not stopping what he was doing. Aili took note that he sounded more than a little annoyed. 

“Uh, yeah. Raiders,” one of the men said.

“We have money,” the other added quickly. 

That caught Aili’s attention. She had a decent amount of credits saved up but didn’t know about the Mandalorian. Eventually though they would need more money now that they were obviously blacklisted from the Guild and on the run. 

“You think I’m some kind of mercenary?”

“You’re a Mandalorian, right?” The one man said and Aili cringed. Not all Mandalorians were mercenaries and she had only heard rumors of one during the war. So this man’s comment was ill-advised. 

“Or at least wearing Mandalorian armor? That is Mandalorian armor, right?” The other man sounded more in awe of seeing an actual Mandalorian than his friend. 

“It is.”

“See? I told him. Sir, I’ve read a lot about your people...tribe. If half of what I read is true--”

“We have money.” The first man interrupted before the other could go on a rant. 

“How much?” Aili asked, walking out of the shadows and bringing their attention onto her now. She could tell Mando wasn’t interested but that didn’t mean he had to be an ass about it. 

“Everything we have. Our whole harvest was stolen.”

“We’re krill farmers.”

“We brew spotchka, the whole village chipped in.”

The Mandalorian turned to look at the small pouch the one man was holding. “It’s not enough.”

“Come on, Mando, we don’t even know what the job is,” Aili could tell they were desperate people. It took desperate people to come looking for what they hoped were mercenaries. She assumed they had seen them flying overhead when they came in to land. 

“It’s not enough,” Mando said, looking straight at Aili before turning to the men. “Good luck.”

“This is everything we have, we can give you more after the next harvest.” The men jumped back when the gangway started opening and Aili glared at Mando. He was being a kriffing ass to these people for no reason. 

“Come on...let’s head back.” The dejected sound in the man’s voice pulled at something in Aili. She never had been able to ignore the desperate and unprotected. Hadn’t been able to since she was 18 and stupid. 

“Stay there.” Aili said to them before storming over to Mando. “Hey! Stop being an ass and maybe think about helping them.”

“No. It’s not enough and we’ve already spent too much time here.” He didn’t even bother to look at her as he spoke which made her annoyance with him just about shoot up into the atmo. 

“Is that the best you can come up with?” Aili turned on her heel to call back towards the locals. Maybe their village would be in a place they could lay low for a while. She really needed a break from the Crest before getting back on it with the buckethead. “Hey, where’s your village?”

“About a day’s ride from here, middle of nowhere. On a farm, weren’t you listening?”

“I was, he wasn’t.” Aili said before continuing. “You have lodging?”

“Yeah. Absolutely.”

Aili turned to face the Mandalorian with one eyebrow raised. The helmet stared back at her for a long moment before his shoulders went up and down in a sigh. He turned towards the krill farmers, “Come up and help”

“You’ll help us?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry about him,” Aili said as they walked up the gangway. The four of them made quick work, unloading everything the Mandalorian deemed necessary. Aili grabbed her bags and the kid from the little cot the Mandalorian still dared to call a bed. Her back had actually ached for the first time in a long time when she slept on it the one time. 

“I need one more thing, give me those credits.”

“Where are you going?” Aili asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion. It wasn’t like they needed any ammo or even more weapons. Between the two of them they could fit a small army. 

“To get a shock trooper.”

“Huh, good idea, I knew you had a brain in there somewhere.”

“Stay with the Child.”

“Obviously,” Aili said as she hopped onto the repulsorlift and made sure the kid was okay. She moved a few of the boxes around knowing they’d need more room if they wanted to be comfortable in any way. 

“So are you and the Mandalorian like…” the more excited of the two men trailed off and Aili gave him a deadly stare. 

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Aili said bluntly. They let silence fall over them after that which Aili was thankful for. It didn’t take much longer for the Mandalorian and Cara to show up. The two women exchanged short nods before everyone climbed onto the repulsorlift. The repulsorlift began to move and the Mandalorian began to explain the job to Cara. 

“So we’re basically running off a bunch of Raiders for lunch money?”

“They’re quartering us in the middle of nowhere. Last I checked that’s a pretty square deal for somebody in your position. Worst case, you tune up your blaster.  Best case, we’re a deterrent. Can’t imagine there’s anything living in these trees that an ex-shock trooper couldn’t handle.”

Cara stared at him before conceding and turning to speak to Aili. “Is he always like this?”

“A condescending pain in the ass?” Aili asked before smirking and shrugging. “Wouldn’t know, only been stuck with him for a few days and they have been long.”

“Are you two finished?” The Mandalorian asked before stretching out to lean back against one of the bags he had brought off the ship. Cara and Aili shared one last glance before settling down as well. They all drifted to sleep, Cara on one side and the Mandalorian on the other. Aili wound up in the middle with the kid to keep him warm.

[shintorikhazumi]

I Have Two Sisters?! Chapter 1: Three Sisters and The Bastard Father (An LWAxRWBYxStarira Crossover)

A/N: What’s crazier than me writing a crossover I can’t get out of my head at 2am while still having multiple wips?

Writing a three-way crossover until 3am!!! (Ended at nearly 5am tho)

GAHHHHH.

Btw, this is a non-magic au. So Diana has no magic, and Weiss has no… semblance. Yes. Because the world of RWBY always goes “???!! OHMG, magic?!” Quite ironically. They become impressed at people turning into birds, but never flinch at Ruby who can separate herself on a molecular level. Sure.

I’ll be updating this sporadically, tbh. The updates will be as random as the coming of this idea. I do like it a lot, so I look forward to working on it. Just have to prioritize the wips.

[DO CHECK OUT THE END NOTES FOR SOME OF THE AU DETAILS AND BACKGROUND]

Still, I couldn’t let the concept pass me by so…

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

  I Have Two Sisters?! Chapter 1: Three Sisters and The Bastard Father

  The wind blew strong outside, rain water cold against her bleeding cheek. The numbness was her only relief from pain nowadays. She’d lost count of how many bruises she’d gotten this week. If only her mother hadn’t passed… If only she hadn’t had a bastard of a father.

Then maybe Diana’s life would have been much better than the shell that it now was.

He left her and her mother just as she turned three, the only support she got in the form of random gifts and her financial needs. Her father was nothing of a father. The man that… helped make her was never there. He never showed he cared. Everything he gave her felt obligatory. She hated it. Heck, she didn’t even know his last name, much less remember what he looked like. She did try looking it up at some point, but it seemed as if he was some kind of bigshot she couldn’t name.

Neither her mom nor her aunt had divulged his identity, so she had long since drew a blank to the man’s identity. All she knew was that his name was ‘Jack’ or something of the sort. She had long since adopted her mother’s as it didn’t feel right to take the name of a man she never knew.

All she knew was that he was the cause of all her sorrows. That wretched man had left her and her mother to fend for themselves. Even though her mom was of a strong, well-known medical lineage here in Britain, the fact that she had gotten pregnant out of wedlock labelled her as a shame to the Cavendish name, and she had been cast out to a vacation home in the outskirts of the foreign country, Japan.

After her death, however, the women who Diana now saw as practically witches with how cruel and evil they were decided that because their blood ran through her, took over their small land that she and her mother had cried blood and tears to call their own, and exploited the underage girl, believing she might be of some use as a pawn at the very least, for the sake of the Cavendish name.

And she was. For some time, until she had injured her arm, and was no longer capable of becoming the kind of doctor they wanted her to be, her hand slowly losing its immaculate dexterity, becoming constantly shaky, rendering her as only half the worth she originally was, and thus completely useless besides being their punching bag. Quite literally.

Diana Cavendish found herself spending the better part of her life being abused, and hiding in tool sheds, and escaping her dreaded household at every waking moment, just as she was doing right now.

She hardly believed in any religion, but she found herself always praying to get away from this hellish nightmare. She’d hope that even if she only had a jerk of a father, he’d soon realize that she was his flesh and blood that needed saving.

A hard knock came on the wood of her shed’s door. She flinched, no sound escaping. Had they found her?!

“Miss Cavendish? Miss Diana Cavendish? Are you in here?” An unfamiliar voice called for her, bold and confident sounding, but with kindness and worry interlaced. She felt like it was someone she should respond to. The situation felt like it was some kind of divine calling she should answer.

With legs shaking, she stood up, unlatching the bar that held the door closed and stepping out into the now late night that reeked of hot pavement, rain having stopped while she was lost in thought.

A police officer, clad in uniform and raincoat smiled at her in pity. She was both grateful for- and hated- that gaze. She wished it had come sooner, but at the same time, she disliked being thought of as sad and pathetic.

“Your aunt and her family have been arrested, Miss.” Her ears perked up at the voice and the message they conveyed. Looking up from the ground, she stared into the truthful eyes of the cop. “You’re safe now.”

And she truly hoped she was.

  //-//-//-//-//

  “Weiss.”

At the mention of her name from that familiar voice, she rolled her eyes internally, holding in the urge to snap at the man she called ‘father’.

“What.”

Maybe her control wasn’t as good as she thought.

“Don’t give me that tone. I know you hate me, but I am still the one that raised you!”

“You mean, you’re the one that paid for me.” The ex-heiress pointed out. Her father gritted his teeth, frown deepening as he stepped forward in an attempt to exert his dominance.

Weiss only raised a brow in challenge.

“Anyway.” Jacques continued. Weiss would have smirked as he neither acknowledged nor denied her statement, but she felt it wasn’t the best time. “You are yet to turn twenty, and as you aren’t considered an adult yet-“

“But I’m nineteen, father.” Weiss stated, confused, her raised brow now raised in question. “I’m of legal age, to drink even.”

“Not in Japan you aren’t.” He replied with a smirk so evil, Weiss would have loved to slap it right off if her mind wasn’t thrown in a state of emergency, dreading whatever plans her father had. Even if she wanted to do as she pleased, she couldn’t completely go against him as she was at the moment. Their family name was too widespread and known in the business world, and she feared the consequences of running away from her father who currently had her safety- and practically her life- in the palm of his hand.

“What are you planning.” She narrowed her eyes at him, fearing for the worst, but expertly masking that fear.

“I’ll be sending you away, just as you’ve always wanted. I’ve prepared you an apartment close to a school of my choice to pursue the arts as you so strongly desired,” He spoke in a mocking tone. “And I’ll let you have your way there.” He ended with a smile that sent chills down Weiss’ spine. It sounded too good to be true, her dream being accepted like this. It was like a carrot on a stick being waved in front of her, only to always be out of reach.

“What’s the catch?”

“Catch? My, Weiss, my child, are you questioning your father’s benevolent heart?”

“What’s there to question?” Weiss shot back. “You don’t have one, now do you?”

She grinned at her little victory as she watched him gnashing his teeth, clearly seething in anger. Her smile dropped however as he gave her his own.

“I mentioned Japan’s legal age before.”

And Weiss already knew what he meant.

  //-//-//-//-//

  Life in Seishou had been the dream. Her first two years of high school were the peak of her life, she’d proudly say. She had wonderful friends and comrades who battled side-by-side, pushing one another to greater heights, and… she had someone she adored just a little more than friendship allowed. She had never admitted it, though. Then, a school back in Paris, the place where her mother had blossomed as an actress in the past, offered her a scholarship as an exchange student there.

And like she always did, Claudine excelled. So much so that multiple colleges offered her full rides to attend their institutions. Even highly prestigious universities. Her opportunities were broad, her future looking bright-

-And then news came. Her mother had fallen terminally ill.

She had to go back. She had to see her. She had to be by her side as long as possible.

She had to repay her for the love, for the dream she had given Claudine. She had to be the family her mother had been for her in the absence of a biological father she never knew, and the loss of her adoptive Japanese father at an early age. The lack of a male figure in their family was no cripple to Claudine, but she also missed the presence of the man she knew as her papa. She knew her maman missed him too.

So she had to do this for her mother.

She had to… in the event that… she’d lose her soon as well.

God forbid, Claudine prayed.

She had to return to Japan, study and… get a job, find some way to help her mother pay the increasingly expensive hospital bills, their little family’s saved money steadily disappearing.

She wondered if she should just drop school all together and apply for a troupe. Earn both money and experience.

She had enough rapport both in Japan and France. She could probably get enough opportunities, and she would succeed like she always had…

But…

There was something she wanted to see through, going into university.

When she left for Paris, she had gradually lost contact with all her friends, the culture slowly choking her time, eventually disconnecting them from her.

She’d receive and return the occasional message, but… things were different. She knew she’d drifted apart from everyone.

So, when she found out that they would all be attending the same Arts Institute, and when she had decided to return to Japan for her mother’s sake, she believed it wouldn’t all be that bad if she could apply for a scholarship to the same place, and possibly rebuild everything that was slowly crumbling away.

She wanted to be with everyone again.

And though she believed herself capable of attaining what she wanted on her own, she might require a little assistance from a miracle.

…

And a miracle- could she call this monstrosity of a situation that?- came in the form of a letter that had documents that signified she was the daughter of some ‘Jacques Schnee’ currently undergoing some sort of trial, and because of this, some of the accusations led to the revelation that he was neglecting a daughter, not sending support, and now as some form of bribery and compensation or whatever, he had paid the court to shut up about it if he took responsibility for her now.

Claudine scoffed in disbelief and utter disgust.

So this was her damned biological father? Some apparently bigtime tycoon who slept around and left a woman to fight for herself while carrying his- Claudine would suppose she was now an- illegitimate child.

This… was certainly news she’d never have expected in a million years.

She laughed mirthlessly at it all.

Well, at least her financial crisis had been averted. For better or for worse… she hoped it wasn’t the latter.

One upside was that she now had a clear ticket to that university she wanted to get into, it seemed. Her ‘father’ had taken the liberty of enrolling her there coincidentally. At least he could do something right, Claudine guessed.

“Well… I suppose it’s time to pack.” She sighed falling back onto her current apartment bed, staring at the ceiling.

It wasn’t so bad, maybe. Her newfound reality.

“Japan, I’m coming home to you.”

  //-//-//-//-//

  Diana glared at the letter in her hand angrily. There, in neat script, she saw the name of the man who had caused all her misfortune.

‘Jacques Schnee.’

“I want to hate you for as long as I live…” She gripped the paper so hard, creases were forming and the agent currently assigned to her worried she’d rip it into shreds. “What is this garbage? And why am I… Why can’t I… refuse… this ugly form salvation…” She choked on her sobs, a hand sympathetically rubbing her back.

“Let’s get you ready, Miss.”

Diana nodded in agreement.

-----

All her bags now in her hand after being dropped off by the cab driver, she stared in awe at the slightly modest, but clearly high-end house.

What the hell, did her dad just get her a house?!

Regardless of its size, couldn’t he have… like… gotten her an apartment or condo, at least?

How rich was this asshole father of hers? Was money the only good thing about him? Not that even that was necessarily a good thing.

With a groaning sigh, she unlatched the gate, walking up the little pathway. There were small flowerbeds already present around the yard, and decorations were tastefully placed.

It at least looked the part of cozy.

Once she got to the door, however, angry sounds coming from inside made her question that.

-Wait. This was her house, right?

Why would sounds be…

In a panic, she unlocked the front door with the key that came with the letter, bursting through it like a mad man, blue eyes flickering about the room, shocked to see two pairs of eyes, wide and intense, staring back at her with equal surprise.

“Who…”

“Oh, this is just great!!!” One with hair as white as snow exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air in clear exasperation. “Now we have another one!” She began marching around the room, palms rubbing her face aggressively and scratching through her hair. “That little fuck-“

“-Language.”

“Shut up! I don’t even know who you are, and why you were in my house when I arrived. And you say you aren’t a burglar or whatever, but what is up with your sword play? Even if you were using the curtain pole. Are you some kind of spy or assassin the corporation has sent to finally get rid of me?”

“First of all, this is my house, not yours. And you came at me with a rapier!” A silver-gold blonde replied in equal stress. “You could have killed me!”

“I would never!” The first girl gasped with faux emotion. “At most, you’d lose an ear.”

“Umm…” Diana remained awkwardly fidgeting at the door, her usual bravery and confidence lost in the moment of shock.

“What.”

“I- I am simply here because… apparently my father purchased this place for me.”

Two pairs of eyes blinked once. Twice.

Then realization overtook them.

“Did you just say… father?” The golden-haired one stepped closer to her, a lot less hostile, but still aggressive looking.

“I- Um… yes?”

“Father… you say.” The lady with a rapier in her hand now approached Diana too.

These women were frightening, dear Lord. Diana slowly backed up, but stopped as her foot hit the bags she’d dropped in her frantic moments earlier.

“Can you tell me the name of this… ‘father’ of yours?” Rapier lady asked Diana who was beginning to wonder if she should look for a weapon to defend herself with.

“S-sure. His n-name is…”

“…”

“…”

“Is?”

“Fuck.”

Diana was not one to curse, but it surprised her that she did.

But she couldn’t help it, now could she? After all, her mind had been wiped clean as a white slate. A mental block was not what she needed right now, but just about anything involving that man seemed to bring about her misfortune.

At least the hands by which she’d die her early death were from very beautiful women it seemed.

She liked women, at least?

“Excuse me, um… are you alright?” Miss Golden hair was now very safe-looking and welcoming, Diana subconsciously stepped closer towards her.

“What is up with you? I just asked a question.”

“Perhaps, if you placed the sword down, and looked less like you were trying to murder her and look like you were willing to hear her out…”

Diana expected another heated retaliation, so it was a pleasant surprise to see the other woman sheath her weapon, and place it gently on a plastic-covered couch, clearly brand new.

“There. Happy?” She asked, glaring at the woman now gently holding Diana’s hand- and when had that happened?!

With a nod, the girl turned to Diana and asked again. “What is your father’s name. If you could tell us.”

Huh. She was a lot kinder than Diana had initially taken her for.

“I apologize. I can’t… remember at the moment. I- He hasn’t been around… for me until this point. I just… learned his name a few days ago but…” She hung her head in defeat, apologizing all the while. “Sorry I’m of no assistance to you…”

“No, it’s alright. Isn’t it?” The question was clearly not directed at her as she could only hear a grunt from the other side of the room.

“Yeah, fine.”

“Would your father’s name happen to be Jacques?”

At this, Diana lifted her head, another shocker delivered to her, hearing the familiar name, the cogs in her head clicking into place.

“Yes! Yes, that’s it! Jack, or Jacques or whatever. Snee? Shuni? Schee? I don’t quite remember, but something along those lines.” Diana found herself enthusiastic towards the prospect that some of her questions might be answered.

It seemed the other two shared the same sentiment.

“It’s Schnee.” The white-haired lady corrected, eyes furrowing, anger building up once more. “And… THAT BASTARD OLD MAN!” Grabbing her rapier she swung it around, probably to vent her anger. “He set me up! And what’s more…” She whipped her head about to carefully look the other two people over.

“What is it?” Diana said in a voice quite small.

“Seems he had big secrets to hide.” She sighed. Turning to the initial enemy she had, now turned… stranger? She wasn’t sure they were allies at this point, she stated rather than asked. “I guess it’s the same for you?”

The woman beside Diana nodded, expression looking a lot stiffer than her gentle demeanor as she dealt with Diana earlier.

“I see. I can’t believe this situation.”

“What do you me-“

A voice beside Diana delivered her fourth? Fifth? Sixth?- she’d lost count- Shocker of the day.

“Sisters. It seems we’re… sisters.” Turning to Diana, she held out a hand for a shake. “I’m Claudine.”

“I’m Weiss.” Was the grumble from the couch the woman had flopped on top of.

“…O-oh!” Breaking her stare from the hand, she looked into rose-red eyes. “And I’m-“

And the world suddenly turned black.

‘Hello, My Name is…

[Diana Cavendish]

[Weiss Schnee]

[Saijou Claudine]

-And it seems as though…

I have two sisters?!

  A/N: If you’re asking, yes. Yes, Diana fainted.

Here are some details for this AU btw:

I’ve decided to make Jacques a half-Jap, half german.

So all of them have a quarter of that blood.

Diana is half brit, quarter jap, quarter german

Weiss is ¾ german because of her mom, and ¼ jap.

Claudine is half French, ¼ german, ¼ jap.

Also, if you want to know their ages, and their order, I decided it this way, and let me just quote how I typed it out in the raw idea draft.

“Diana April 30 16yro in anime 2017+3yrs (2020) she's 19 too omg jahahahaha (wrote this coz I’m currently 19 and was amused)

Clau august 1, 2001 19 at present

Weiss Currently 19 (in volumes 5-6) may 15th lmao hahsha. Perfect!!

Wtf Diana was the oldest? Hooo boi. I did expect and want Kuro to be youngest tho, tbh.”

Why their ages are pretty much the same will be mentioned next chap.

And that’s how it went. Decided with Weiss being the legitimate child coz Jacques was the only canonically mentioned dad between the three girls as far as I know. Or I just didn’t search enough.

But come on. I wouldn’t pass at the chance to beat up the dude in a fic so… hihi.

Feedback is super appreciated!

Thank you for reading!

~Shintori Khazumi

[alia-turin]

It has been a WHOLE minute since I have mentioned Caranthir so here is a fic for yall. I have alot of ideas about young Caranthir, his relationship with Avallac’h, him joining the red riders etc.

@house-of-inspiration you asked for Caranthir joining the red riders, where as I said I was just writing it, so I hope you enjoy. 

Fic Name: The Last Straw  Fandom: The Witcher (Aen Elle) Characters: Eredin, Caranthir, Avallac’h, Imlerith  Pairing: none Warning: Angst, mention of rape (no one is actually raped, just a mention) AO3: Click  Summary:  A very young Caranthir discovers how he actually came about and that a lot of what he thought about his life has been a lie. After he confronts Avallac'h he takes a decision that will change his life.

Avallac’h was somewhere again, to see the king or on one of these trips to the Aen Seidhe world where he never took him even if Caranthir loved going to other worlds. He was bored out of his mind, already had read every book he wanted to read, tried every spell that Avallac’h had forbidden him to try...

There was a place that had been off limits for him and he had always been curious about. It was a room, the door always closed and locked with magic. He had tried opening when he was very young, probably ten or so, but the door didn’t move. He had also tried different spells through time, every few years when he learned a spell that might help, he would wait for Avallac’h to be away and he would try, but nothing had happened. This door had become an obsession of his, at some point he didn’t even care what was behind it, although he did wonder why the Sage was so secretive. It had become a test of his skills, somehow he felt that if he opened that door, he would prove he was better than Avallac’h.

Caranthir knew today was his day to open the door. He had learned a new spell and found some other useful tricks. For all he knew behind that door could be just a collection of these drawings Avallac’h always did of naked women. His curiosity was just eating him and he also couldn’t admit to himself that there was a spell he couldn’t crack.

Caranthir placed his hand on the wooden door and cast the spell. He was surprised when he felt it unlock, he really didn’t expect it. Almost fearfully he walked inside. If Avallac’h had locked the door so well, what was stopping him for putting traps inside? He couldn’t however sense any traps, at least not magic, and he slowly walked inside. He wondered what the Sage would do to him if he figured out Caranthir had been here. He had been punished few times as child and he did not have fond memories of it, but he wasn’t a child anymore and he could certainly stand his ground.

The room he was in was...a study of a sort. There were bookshelves, a desk, chair, glass vials, papers all over the place. He looked first through the books, not all of them were magic. There was anatomy and history, but not history of the Aen Elle, it was history of families, genealogy and alchemy.

He sat behind the desk and the first thing that caught his attention was a journal with his name on it. Caranthir opened without even thinking if that was wise or not. He started reading and the more he read the sicker he felt. Page by page there was his whole life, the way he learned magic, the way he used magic, manipulating time, using space, travelling...he had to toss it away half way because he just couldn’t read any more. He grabbed another journal, there were scraps of paper inside, old paper, some of it damaged. It had notes on Navigators, Auberon looking for travel to different realms, experiments on…

“What are you doing here?” Avallac’h was standing at the door.

“Making sense of my life.” Carathir grabbed the journal with his name and opened it on a random page. “You have never been good with words, but reading that makes me sound a bit like an...experiment.”

Avallac’h didn’t answer and that was more of a response than words would have been.

“All my life I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me.” Caranthir looked around the study, books, herbs, glasses and other tools. “All my life, I knew you were not my father, but I wished you were. I was just stupid child and I didn’t know better. Here it was little old me, a child without his parents, the scars on my face and body and the great Sage Avallac’h was teaching me. Me of all elves out there.”

“Caranthir…” Avallac’h started, but he did not give him a chance to finish.

“You can explain, I’m sure. Go on. Try to make it believable.” he taunted his teacher.

“When we lost Lara…” Avallac’h stopped for a second, even mentioning her name was still painful for him. “We lost the Elder Blood power. I needed to find a way to fix that....we couldn’t leave this world anymore, not without being ‘lucky’ and stumbling on a portal and that took time. I started working on how to fix things...came to the idea of what became the Dearg Ruadhri Navigators. But it wasn’t good enough. None of them was good enough, the portals were not stable and accidents happened.”

He read some of that in the notes, about the Navigators and how it was difficult for most of them to keep it going. No one was ever as strong as the Elder blood no matter how many Navigators they tested. Most of them couldn’t even pass the trails created by Eredin.

“Where do I come in all that?” he asked after Avallac’h did not volunteer any more information.

“You...were supposed to be a Navigator.” Avallac’h finally said. Supposed? All his life he had wanted nothing more than to join the Red Riders, what did ‘supposed’ mean? “You were my most successful...subject.” Caranthir grinded his teeth when he heard that word. But he was a subject wasn’t he? He was a product of an experiment that is usually called subject. “I knew you have power since...I believed that having the ability to travel again will save us, but I saw what Eredin is doing and Auberon is going weaker. That is whyI never brought you to Tin na Lia or even introduced you to Eredin.”

“How did you do it? I read the notes, you picked families with potential, did my parents know?” he read the notes in detail, the herbs, the magic, the other material added...at some point he had felt sick imagining some woman, his mother, being strapped to a table and pumped with all that. The notes did not specify how exactly it happened, but he had imagination. Maybe his parents did hate him, his mother for sure if Avallac’h used her as a test tube.

“They did.” Avallac’h admitted.

“Did they dump me at your door or you took me away.” Caranthir was not sure what he wanted to hear. Probably both would hurt just in a different way. When Avallac’h did not respond, one way or another, he knew they had just left him. All his life he believed that his parents gave him to the great Sage Avallac’h so he can learn to be Sage as well. Was even anything in his life real? He never thought much of his parents, but now he knew for sure they hated him. “Come on how did you do it? Was my mother forced? That’s why she left me, she didn’t want anything to do with me? The little abomination.”

“She was not raped, if that is your question.” Avallac’h answer was very measured and controlled, again what he didn’t say meant more than what he actually said. Caranthir thought himself stupid for not seeing that sooner. The Sage had always been like that. Half answers. Half truth. But he never lied, did he? He just said what was convenient and whatever was going to inconvenience him, was left out. He always thought he was smart but he missed that. Maybe he wasn’t as sharp as he thought he was.

“I read a book once.” Carathir got from the chair, Avallac’h following him with his foxy eyes. “It was about this mage, he really wanted to create life out of nothing. Necromancy really as he collected corpses and built them into one powerful being. The thing was ugly and grotesque, but it was powerful.” Caranthir started laughing, hysterical, he just couldn’t stop himself. “You know what I thought when I read the book? That this is sick! Robbing all these corpses and just the ugliness.” he ran a finger through the scar on the right side of his face, it was starting just above the ear and then running down to his jawline and slipping onto his neck. “I guess you didn’t build me from corpses, necromancy is not your thing, I know. I’m the ugly, grotesque and powerful monster, am I not?”

His laughing gave way to anger, he could blow this place to pieces, everything, maybe even have a go at Avallac’h. He opened a portal behind himself.

“Caranthir, wait!” Avallac’h’s shout became just a distant echo as he stepped through the portal.

He was in the mountains overseeing Tir na Lia, snow was covering everything around. He had found this place with Avallac’h years ago when the Sage had taken him to explore the nearby area. Caranthir must have been...sixteen or seventeen at that time, still a child. He had been absolutely fascinated by snow, the purity of everything, but also the destructive force of the cold. He remembered thinking if he could be something he wanted to be that. The winter storm that just covers the earth and hides everything. He felt the need to destroy something, hurt something more than he was hiring right now, his mood gave way to magic and a powerful storm wrapped the mountains.

Caranthir waved with hand and all the old fires and candles in the ruins lit. He sat on the cold floor looking at the storm outside. He wondered how long can he keep it going...hours, probably days if he really tried.

All his life has been a lie, but he could not even blame Avallac’h for that. The man was secretive and Caranthir never asked questions. He knew there was something strange about his life, how he had no friends, how he was never allowed to do things others did. He remembered once telling Avallac’h he wanted to be one of the Red Riders, he must have been seven or eight. The Sage just told him that will never happen. Caranthir had taken that as lack of ability on his end and he had found motivation in it. Since then he has been looking for opportunities to watch the Red Riders, whenever Avallac’h will take him to the castle. He remembered seeing Eredin for the first time, dressed in armor, on his horse...regal.

Avallac’h was going to hide all that from him. He was meant to be one of them. He was meant to be with Eredin and the rest.

He was created with a purpose, Avallac’h never cared about him beyond that purpose. Looking back at his childhood memories it all made sense. Avallac’h had spent a lot of time training him, teaching him, showing him how to control his powers, but he had never disclosed anything to him. The man was secretive, but this secrecy had gone out of hand. Caranthir had been a child then and he didn’t understand so he had made the stories he believed. He wasn’t a child anymore, he was almost a grown man.

He spent the night awake thinking, he let the storm run its course as well, his mood had moved from anger to depression and regret. His life was ahead of him, he wasn’t even hundred years old. He could do...anything. Avallac’h couldn’t stop him, from what Caranthir knew he might be more powerful than the Sage.

In the morning he found Eredin in the countriyard with Imlerith, training. He watched them for a while, not wanting to interrupt. Eredin was like...wind. The sword was moving as if it was part of him. Imlerith was...brute force. Caranthir never understood how that could be helpful, the man was massive and that made him significantly slower than Eredin, but at the same his mace was leaving holes in the ground every time he aimed at the Red Rider’s leader.

“Somehow I suspected I might find you here.” Avallac’h came to him, but Caranthir ignored him. It wasn’t the first time he watched Eredin and Imlerith go at each other, he liked watching them dreaming one day he might join them.

“My lord!” Caranthir jumped from the wall he was standing at and ran at Eredin.

“What?” the leader of the Red Riders turned toward him, expression absolutely bored.

“I want to take the trails.” Caranthir had to control himself not to shout that as he was so excited about it.

“Are you even allowed to drink?” Imlerith asked laughing.

“Caranthir, no!” Avallac’h jumped in.

“Do whatever.” Eredin didn’t even look at him when he said that but Carathir didn’t care. He was used to everyone’s attitude. He had always been Avallac’h shadow, the kid that was hiding his face and never talked much. They all treated him as if he was invisible, but he knew he was better, not because of what he saw in the study, but he knew his power.

“Eredin, he is too young, he cannot!” Avallac’h sounded concerned but Caranthir just smiled. Everyone was underestimating him, but was going to end today.

“Is he your slave?” Eredin looked at the Sage with interest. “If he is not your slave, he can do whatever he wants. Also didn’t you tell Auberon some time ago that he is your best...experiment.” the man’s grin was cutting through his lips. “Your Golden Child. If he is that good, he will live. If he isn’t…” the man just shrugged in apathy. Two portals opened in front of Eredin and he looked at Caranthir. “Come on. Off you go. You need to find your way back to the other portal.”

He didn’t hesitate for a second, he didn’t look at Eredin or Avallac’h, he just went through the portal not even sure what he would find there.

Imlerith leaned on his mace watching at the portals with curiosity. The last idiot who tried the trails came back, his whole body burned, he died maybe a few minutes later. The one before that never came back, given that the kid was probably half of their age, he was not holding his breath.

More enterianting was the staring match between Avallac’h and Eredin. The Sage was not an emotional man neither was Eredin so that was a bit like two statues looking at each other with hate.

“Calm down, Avallac’h, he is just a lab rat, I’m sure you can find some poor woman to breed and do whatever nasty experiments you were doing on her.” Eredin grinned knowing that was going to throw the Sage off the rail. Imlerith made a step back, whatever magic these two were going to use, he was not going to be in the way.

Before Avallac’h could answer the kid showed back from the portal...in one piece if it was not for a wound on his shoulder. Imlerith was impressed, but most importantly Eredin looked impressed as well.

“Interesting.” the leader of the Red Riders said and looked at his general, Imlerith couldn’t hide the smile on his lips. “How old exactly are you?”

“Forty three.” the kid didn’t even look tired and his shoulder was bleeding but he was not showing pain. Imlerith had no idea what exactly was in the trails, Eredin and Avallac’h had created them some time ago to ensure the Navigators would be able to manage their work. However, he had seen Navigators return after these trails and nobody had made it as quick as this kid did.

“You will be the youngest Navigator and Red Rider.” Caranthir was smiling at these words, it was a cocky smile, confident, Imlerith knew the feeling every time he won against an enemy and smashed their skull. “Get him patched, get him an armor.”

Imlerith just stared at Eredin, he wasn’t a babysitter, but he was going to obey.

“Come on, kid.” Imlerith nodded at him. “Taking you to the healer.”

“My name is Caranthir.” the Navigator corrected him stubbornly but followed, surprisingly Avallac’h as well.

“Whatever, kid.” Imlerith teased and he saw the anger in the pale blue eyes of Caranthir. He missed having someone to tease and make angry. It wasn’t the same as the rest of the Red Riders because they were all terrified of him and well he was their general. Eredin was their leader so he could give him a hard time only in private. That kid had to grow some tough skin and Imlerith knew exactly how to help him.