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hookedonapirate · 4 years ago

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Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Summary: Detective Killian Jones took an indefinite leave of absence from SBPD after his brother was murdered in the Line of Duty. Bitter and broken, he resides in a cabin on the beach when his brother's former partner, David Nolan brings him a case he knows the vengeful detective won’t be able to resist. A case involving Liam's killer.

Dr. Emma Swan makes all of her decisions like she operates on her patients—with care, competence and compassion. But when her colleague, Graham Humbert, is murdered in cold blood by the man who was freed because of a decision she made as a juror, she starts second-guessing herself. To make matters worse, her squeaky clean reputation is being questioned when she becomes a suspect for Graham’s murder.

There is one detective who believes she’s innocent, and he has a plan to protect Emma and find his brother's killer at the same time. When Killian finds himself caught between his duties to the SBPD and his need for vengeance, matters are only complicated by the feelings he develops for the woman he's supposed to protect.

He's impulsive and hot-tempered, and she's methodical and cool under pressure. Despite their differences, can they work together to bring the murderer to justice, or will the murderer get to them first?

A/N: Many thanks go to @ultraluckycatnd for her wonderful beta-ing skills and @onceuponaprincessworld as always for her encouragement and letting me bounce ideas off of her.

There was originally supposed to be more to this chapter but it ended up being really long so I split it up into two chapters. Hope you enjoy!

Rated: Explicit due to mature language, character death, violence, murder and smut. The scenes won’t be too graphic, but I’d rather overrate than underrate it.

Catch up: Pro I Ch 1 I Ch 2 I Ch 3 I Ch 4

Also available on: AO3 I FF.N

Chapter 5

Emma surveys the crowded sanctuary, feeling out of the loop and out of place as she is escorted down the aisle by a young usher. It’s been so long since she’s seen family in this capacity, she feels like an outsider. Being distant is her modus operandi. And being a surgeon makes it far too easy for her to use work as an excuse, because then she doesn’t have to socialize or express her feelings or discuss uneasy topics, such as a social life she doesn’t have. Talking about Graham used to be her social lubricant. When she talked about him, it took the focus off her, which she usually prefers, because she hates being in the spotlight; she hates having to talk about herself. While she is always in the literal spotlight of the operating room, she’s able to tune out that fact by focusing on her patients and the procedures. One of the many perks of being a doctor is that her job is to focus on her patients, and she’s good at that. The hospital is her comfort zone because nothing she does there is about her—it’s about her patients; it’s about helping them get better.

But that feeling of uneasiness had crept up inside her the instant she had entered the church with her adoptive mother. Ingrid had insisted Emma ride with her to the church since Emma's house was on the way. She was reluctant at first because she knew she wouldn’t be able to escape the reception early this way. Or if she ended up getting called into the hospital, she’d have to ask someone to leave and take her. But she also knew she couldn’t say no because it might hurt her adoptive mother’s feelings.

After Ingrid assured Emma she could use her vehicle if she got called in and that she would be able to hitch a ride home from Elsa, Emma couldn’t really think of any other excuses that wouldn’t make her intentions transparent. Besides, riding to the wedding with Ingrid gave them the opportunity to catch up. But it also gave Ingrid the opportunity to ask Emma how she was doing since her colleague had passed. And suddenly, what was once a social lubricant became an encumberment. It made Emma sad and teary-eyed and not want to be around people. Suddenly, talking about herself didn’t seem so bad after all.

They found Anna in her dressing room, which was pervaded with many laughs, a few tears and a bride who had worked herself into a frenzy of emotions. Nevertheless, Anna and Elsa expressed their deepest condolences for Graham and made a fuss over her and how she is dealing with his death. It’s a painful topic, but knowing the attention aimed at her would be short-lived, given that it's Anna and Kristoff's wedding day, gave Emma a bit of comfort. She'd returned to the sanctuary without Ingrid since her adoptive mother will be the one giving Anna away. After Anna and Elsa’s parents died, Ingrid raised them by herself. The younger sister was only eight at the time and lived under Ingrid’s roof before leaving for college. So Anna saw fit to be given away by the woman who had been more like her mother and father for ten years, rather than her aunt.

As Emma nears the front row of the sanctuary, her smile falters when her eyes stumble upon him. That damn detective, David Nolan.

When their eyes connect, she suddenly wants to disappear into a cloud of smoke or run away.

What the hell is he doing here?

Oh right, he was Elsa's late husband's best friend and work partner. Thankfully, when he interviewed her about Graham’s murder, he had skipped the pleasantries and had plunged right into the questions. He had seemed to be all business, which she appreciated, she really did. In fact, he reminded her of... well, herself. Very polite, but at the same time asking unpleasant questions. He was only trying to do his job, even if that meant making others feel exposed. Like homicide cases, surgeries are sometimes a lengthy, unpleasant process, but they’re an essential part of the job. So she understands David’s persistence and his need to get down to the nitty-gritty. But to make her a suspect for murder is preposterous! No, they had never met before Graham's murder, but David knew her family, and for him to point his finger at her, for him to think she could collaborate with a murderer left an unsavory taste in her mouth. She supposes his job requires him to separate personal feelings from work-related agendas—her job requires the same—but still, what he has on her is flimsy and pretty damn pathetic.

Emma drops down in the front pew with a humph. Normally she'd be opposed to sitting in the front, but since Ingrid will be seated next to her after she walks Anna down the aisle, and since Emma's not forced to look at the back of David's head like she would be if she sat in the back, she’s glad to sit in front.

After Kristoff’s parents are seated on the groom’s side of the sanctuary, Kristoff, the groomsmen and the ushers make their way to the front. Next comes the bridesmaids. Emma looks over to see Elsa, the maid of honor, walking down the aisle in her plum-colored gown, holding a matching bouquet and a big smile, her long, silver-blonde hair French braided in the back. Elsa takes her place next to a bridesmaid as her daughter trails after her, scattering purple rose petals along the bridal path. Emma smiles at Camila, who’s brown curls bounce around her shoulders as she walks. Her miniature ball gown makes her look like a princess as she makes her way toward her mother. When she reaches her, Elsa kisses her daughter’s forehead and prompts her to sit by her Aunt Emma.

The bridal procession song begins, and everyone stands for the bride’s grand entrance as she’s escorted by Ingrid, who has a proud smile on her face. Anna proceeds down the aisle in an elegant, off the shoulder gown with a wide neckline as she flashes a big grin, showing off her pearly white teeth. She looks every bit the blushing bride.

Emma still feels guilty for not attending Elsa’s wedding, even though it was several years ago. Or Liam’s funeral, even though her husband died three years ago. Actually, his death made her feel even more guilty. And she wishes she would’ve known him more, but alas, she had strayed away from family gatherings. She’s a terrible cousin. She’s always had trouble connecting with people, probably because when she was a kid, she never stayed anywhere long enough to connect with anyone. That is until Ingrid adopted her.

It took Emma a long time to fully feel accepted by Ingrid—to know she wouldn’t be sent off to another foster home. But Ingrid was a very kind and caring mother to her. Even so, Emma failed to develop the social skills her cousins had, even when they moved in with her and Ingrid three years later. Elsa is a little shier than her sister but still less so than Emma. The sisters had done their best to include her in activities and outings, and even though Emma had a close bond with Ingrid, she always felt like an outsider of the group. And the gap between her and the sisters gradually widened over the years.

After the conclusion of the ceremony, the front row is dismissed, and as Emma and Ingrid head down the aisle, she sees David once again, those familiar unpleasant feelings returning. Being the polite gentleman he is, David nods courteously at her, but she only scowls in return.

“Everything okay, Emma?” Ingrid asks, sensing how tense she is. Probably from the way Emma's jaw twitches as she glares at the detective.

Emma nods. “Yeah, I just recognize Mr. Nolan as the detective assigned to the case of Graham's murder. He questioned me and my other colleagues who were at the Rabbit Hole that night.”

“Ah, I see. Well, he's a good man. He and Liam worked together at the SBPD.”

“Yeah, that's what I've heard.”

“Speaking of Liam, I wonder if his brother is here,” Ingrid says, scanning the pews for him.

Emma averts her eyes from David, trying to rid the negative thoughts of the detective and the case and that creep, Neal Gold. She had thought about calling the police after the phone call Neal made. But she couldn’t get over the fact that David actually thought she, Elsa and Anna’s cousin and a doctor for Christ’s sake, could possibly be capable of murder, even if he didn’t think she had been the one wielding the knife.

She knew she should've driven her own car in case she felt the need to escape. Hopefully, David won't stoop so low to question her at her cousin's wedding.

“Oh, there he is,” Ingrid says, pulling Emma from her thoughts.

She looks over to see who Ingrid is waving to. And she guesses the man whose eyes light up as he looks their way and shoots up his hand in the center of the back pew, is him.

Emma loses a breath as she catches a glimpse of him, then quickly looks ahead and keeps moving. Two words come to mind as she makes her way to Ingrid's car.

Fucking gorgeous.

If only she had her phone in her hand when she saw him, because pulling it out of her clutch purse and stopping to point her phone at him would've been too obvious. It would've been just as bad as snapping a photo of him without knowing the flash was on. Like when Elsa had snapped a photo of Liam the night they met. Emma wasn't there, but she's heard the story several times over the years to know she doesn’t want to be caught in that type of situation.

~*~

Killian thought she was lovely when he saw her on the video footage of the interrogation room with its dim, unpleasant lighting, but bloody hell, she's much more gorgeous in person. He had shown up to the ceremony as late as he could possibly get away with and sat in the back to avoid attracting too much attention from the people who knew him—at least until Emma and Ingrid had left and headed for the country club.

He could only see the back of her head during the ceremony, but he’d seen enough to know she’s wearing a short, royal blue mermaid style dress that’s sleeveless and shows off her soft curves and bronzed shoulders and arms. Her hair is parted to the left and swept loosely into a swirl bun embellished with a blue flower, and her skin looks tanned, a contrast to the pale, creamy complexion on the video; she must've used a tanning bed or sunbathed on the beach. But he couldn’t get a good enough look to figure out which tanning method she’d used.

He'd been jealous of the usher who had the pleasure of escorting her down the aisle—had the pleasure of being so close to her, the young lad could probably smell whatever perfume she was wearing. Then Killian had chastised himself for having those thoughts. Emma's a subject of an investigation, regardless of whether or not he thinks she did anything wrong, and he has to think of her as such. He's not allowed to be jealous of ushers or anyone else who comes in contact with her. He has to admit he was very pleased she didn’t show up to the wedding with a date though.

When he arrives at the country club, he parks his truck and grabs the gift he got for Anna and Kristoff. He carries it in with him and leaves it on the table draped with white cloth. He signs the guest book and sees Emma Swan and Ingrid Swan's names above his. He hadn't expected Emma to ride with her adoptive mother. At first he worried it would interfere with his plans, but actually, if he plays his cards right, Emma not having a car to escape early in and unexpectedly might be to his advantage.

Killian sits with the Nolans, just as he would if he weren't helping David with the case. They don't dare breathe a word about work; they share some laughs and after the bridal party makes their entrance, the tables are dismissed one by one and Killian helps his nephews fill their plates with food from the buffet. He tries not to stare at Emma, but he can't help himself. Every now and then he steals a peek as she sits at a table across the room, conversing with Ingrid and other guests. She’s not facing him, but he has an excellent view of her toned, sexy legs, one crossed over the other.

The normal traditions are carried out through the reception—the speeches and toasts, the bride and groom’s first dance as husband and wife and the cake cutting, where Anna and Kristoff smash a piece in each other's face. While Killian chuckles along with the audience, he takes a sip of his water, nonchalantly glancing over at Emma once more. He can’t hear her laughing, but he can see her showing off those pearly white teeth, her cheeks swollen as she watches the scene unfold at the three-tiered cake.

After Emma finishes a slice, she grabs her glass of clear liquid and makes her way through the room, chatting with people he doesn't recognize, and that's when he decides to make his move.

He drains the rest of his water in one gulp before setting down his glass and rising from the empty table.

David had brought the boys each a slice of cake to keep them occupied while Killian planned his escape. And it worked like a charm. It didn't take long for Liam's hands to get covered in cake and frosting so Mary Margaret took him and his brother to the ladies' room to clean up. David is now off chatting with Anna, Kristoff and Elsa, keeping them distracted while Killian makes his way across the room. He sticks to the fringes of the crowd on the side opposite of the head table, lest someone from the bridal party wave him over, call out for him or approach him.

Killian hears the tail end of a conversation Emma is having with a couple before she backs away from them. He casually darts into her path as she's turning around and they crash into each other, her drink splashing over the front of her dress.

“Bloody hell, lass, I'm so sorry.”

She peers down at herself assessing the damage. When she looks up at him, at first she is stunned, as though he'd literally knocked the wind out of her. He’s pretty certain he has the same awestruck expression on his face because she’s even more beautiful up close. Her emerald green eyes sparkle under dark, elongated lashes that are framed by black eyeliner, and her lips are coated with shiny, rose pink lip gloss. And she smells incredible, like floral, citrus and cinnamon; all of his senses are tingling from her scent.

The only difference between their reactions is she recovers quickly and he can’t quite seem to.

“You got me all wet,” she mutters, her lovely facial features forming a scowl.

Killian flashes his flirtiest grin. “If I had a penny for every time a woman has said that to me…”

Just when he thought she couldn't glare at him any harder, she does. She glares at him so hard, he thinks she might burn a hole through his head.

“Here, let me get you another drink,” he says, taking the glass from her hand. When his fingers brush hers, his breath snags in his throat.

After recovering from that and the way his heart skips a beat, he raises his hand to signal a waitress who gives Emma a napkin and takes the glass away.

“What were you drinking, love?”

“Ice water, thank God,” she grumbles. “This dress is brand new.”

As she scrubs at the wet spot on her dress, he can’t help but notice the pale tan lines on her skin in the shape of a bikini top. The kind that ties around the back of the neck. And her tan looks too perfect and even to have been caused by the limited angle of the sun. He had envisioned Emma in only a bikini bottom while laying in a tanning bed, but he has to admit, the tan lines look pretty damn good on her. Now he’s wondering what the rest of her looks like.

Stop thinking of her like that, you wanker! he chides himself.

He clears his throat… and his thoughts. “Would you like something else, love?”

When she looks up again, she's still glaring at him. “No, just water. And I’m not your love.”

Killian arches a brow. “There's an open bar and a devilishly handsome gentleman offering to buy you a drink and that's what you choose?”

He's expecting her to laugh or even crack a smile like most women do when he comments on his own looks, but instead, she rolls her eyes. “I'm on call tonight. I don't even have a champagne toast when I'm on call.”

“A tall glass of water on the rocks it is then.” He'd been drinking water too, but for different reasons.

They walk to the bar together and he orders ice water for her and a rum for himself. As the bartender pours their drinks, Killian turns toward Emma, leaning an elbow on the bar counter. “So you're on call? What kind of work do you do?”

“I'm a doctor,” she answers simply as she crosses her arms and looks away like she's searching for the exit doors.

“Really? What kind of doctor?”

She reverts her gaze to his. “Medical.”

Killian shakes his head and snaps his fingers, disappointment clouding his features. “That's just my rotten luck.”

She arches a brow. “Oh? And why's that?”

“Because I'm as healthy as a horse.”

Killian can actually see the walls erecting around her like a fortress guarding a territory in warfare. He scratches behind his ear, thinking this might be more difficult than he thought. He only met her a couple of minutes ago but he can already tell she's a tough nut to crack. Which is fine. He loves a challenge.

When the bartender slides their drinks toward him, he grabs both glasses and hands Emma her water.

“Thanks.” She takes the proffered drink with a slight smile and he clinks his glass against hers.

“My pleasure,” he flashes a cheeky grin and imbibes his rum.

“Enjoy the rest of your evening.” As she brings the glass to her lips to take a sip, she turns and walks away so other guests can get to the bar.

He pretends not to recognize a brush-off when he receives one; he tries not to let it sting, but it kind of does. He quickly shakes it off and falls into step beside her. “Do you specialize?”

She sighs, most likely realizing she won't be able to get rid of him so easily. “I'm a general surgeon.”

He throws on his most charming smile. “Well, I have to say, I haven’t met a lot of surgeons—like I said, healthy as a horse—but you are the prettiest surgeon I’ve ever seen. In fact, I’m surprised the bride hasn’t kicked you out by now.”

She looks offended. “Kick me out? For what?”

“For being prettier than her.”

Emma’s cheeks turn as red as a tomato. And is that a hint of a smile he can detect? No, it can’t be. “You’re the cockiest, most self-assured man I’ve ever met. And believe me, I’ve met some doozies.” Oh, her smile is authentic all right.

He shrugs in disagreement. “I prefer dashing rapscallion.” He sticks out his hand. “Killian Jones. I’m the maid of honor’s—”

“Brother-in-law. I know.” She stares at his extended hand, leaving it hanging in the air, and he doubts she’ll shake it… until she finally does, clasping it firmly. Her skin is cold from the drink she was gripping tightly with both hands, but her skin is soft and he doesn’t want to let her hand go. But she releases his grip after a few seconds, leaving the ghost of her touch on his palm.

He steps into her space, his eyes scrolling down her body and up again before locking eyes with hers and tilting his head to the side, his voice low and husky as he speaks. “So you know who I am, and here you haven’t even told me your name, love.”

She scowls. “I told you not to call me that.”

“My apologies,” he says sincerely. “What should I call you, then?”

“Emma.”

His eyes light up with recognition, even though he already knows who she is. She doesn’t know that though. “Emma Swan?”

She narrows her eyes suspiciously. “That’s correct. So, you’ve heard of me, too?”

He nods. “You’re Anna and Elsa’s cousin.”

She lifts her brows, prompting him to expand.

“Your name has come up once or twice in conversation.”

“Really, and what have you heard?”

“Nothing much, only that we’ve almost met about a handful of times.”

Emma nods, biting her bottom lip, which he finds extremely adorable. “It’s one of the downfalls of being a surgeon. My profession makes it hard to have a social life.”

His eyes light up and a big smile lights up his face, though he doubts not having a social life is something she’s bitter about. There is a reason her cousins have referred to her as distant and aloof more than once. “So you’re saying missing out on the opportunity to meet me is a downfall?”

She shakes her head. “Actually no, I was just being polite. I’m kind of anti-social. But I’m guessing you already knew that.”

He nods, trying to hide the disappointment he feels after her blunt admission. “You’re right, I did. You’re quite perceptive,” he remarks before slugging down the last of his rum.

She shrugs. “I’m a doctor. I have to be able to sense when a patient isn't telling me something I should know before I go cutting them open.”

He nods in understanding, and they’re both silent as she looks around the room and slowly nurses her drink. After a moment, her eyes return to his, a solemn expression on her face.

“I’m sorry about your brother by the way. I didn’t know him well but I know he was a good man to Elsa.”

His features cloud with sadness, eyes darkening at the mention of Liam. “Thank you. He was a very good man.”

Emma suddenly narrows her eyes at him. “Aren’t you a detective like him?”

Killian nods and scratches behind his ear. “I was, but not anymore.” He hates lying to her, but he has to. At least for now. “After he died, I moved to Port Lavaca and got a job as a dockhand.”

She lifts a brow, amusement dancing in her eyes. “You went from being a detective to making ten dollars an hour scrubbing fish guts off of boats?”

"It's twelve dollars an hour, and I do more than clean boats," he corrects defensively.

She scoffs. "Oh sorry, I didn't mean to belittle a job a ten-year-old kid could do."

He frowns. “The pay may not be great but I get to live on the beach and inhale the salty sea air all day. It’s not a bad tradeoff, actually. Besides, if you think about it, cleaning up fish crap is not much different from the crap I cleaned up by working for the SBPD.”

She shrugs, unconvinced. “If you say so.” She takes another sip from her ice water, staring vacantly across the room as the dance floor fills up.

“Would you care to dance?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t dance.”

He nods, accepting another one of her brush-offs as his eyes circle the reception hall in search of his niece. “That’s okay, I’m sure my date will dance with me.”

When she whirls her head around to look at him and cock a brow, he can’t help but notice how much her face clouds with disappointment. “You came here with a date?”

“Is that so hard to believe, love?” He also doesn’t fail to notice she doesn’t correct her pet name this time.

“No, I’m sure there’s some poor woman out there either naive or desperate enough to fall for your charm.”

Killian brings his hand to his chest like he’d just been wounded. “Ouch, that hurts.” He spots his niece dancing with the bride and sets his glass on a vacant table. “I assure you, she is as smart as a whip. In fact, she’s probably smarter than anyone else her age.” He waves at Camila, getting her attention, and she happily rushes to him through the crowd. With a sidelong glance, he witnesses Emma’s eyes following his gaze to see who his date is.

She laughs upon realizing he was referring to Camila.

And it’s the first time he’s heard her laugh. Even though a crowd-pleasing song is pouring from the speakers, Emma’s laugh is music to his ears.

“Your niece is your date?”

“Aye.”

“Uncle Killy! Auntie Emma!” Camila chants, rushing over to them.

He extends his hand to her. “Would you care to dance, little love?”

She grins and nods, slipping her hand in his. He escorts her to the dancefloor, and she steps on each of his feet and takes her uncle’s offered hands as they move to the music.

As he dances with Camila, he does his best to avoid glancing over at Emma—he genuinely wants to spend time with his niece—but every now and then, his eyes make their way across the room.

~*~

Emma returns to the bar for a refill and plops down on a stool with a heavy sigh, her feet killing her from wearing these damn high heels. She really wishes she could drink alcohol right now because then she wouldn’t feel so nervous. She orders another water, and the bartender takes away her empty glass, giving her a fresh one. Her stomach is full of butterflies as she nurses her water and gazes over at Killian on the dance floor with Camila.

Emma doesn't know much about him, but she has learned a few things. One, his British accent does things to her when he speaks, and two, he’s much more handsome up close. She also knows he’s cocky and kind of obnoxious. Oh, and he’s ridiculously adorable with his five-year-old niece. If this weren’t her cousin's wedding and if she had her own vehicle, she would escape. Because he’s exactly the type of guy she tries to avoid at all costs—good looking and well aware of the effect he has on women. But there's also something very genuine about him. He’s honest and not afraid to say what he thinks. She appreciates that more than she’s afraid to admit.

After they had bumped into each other, she'd been apprehensive to talk to him because she'd seen him sitting with David and she knew through the grapevine he was a detective like Liam. She was afraid he was going to interrogate her about Graham's murder. But her guard lowered when he told her was no longer working for the SBPD and moved to Port Lavaca after his brother died. She knew he was telling the truth because she'd also heard through the grapevine he moved.

She sighs and averts her gaze from the dance floor and the ridiculously handsome man to take a sip of her drink. She thinks about throwing caution to the wind, carpe diem as they say, and going over to dance with him. But the thing is, she doesn't know how to dance.

Before she can ponder the thought any further, she sees out of the corner of her eye a figure claiming the stool next to her. She can feel their stare burning into her skin, and that overwhelming sense of paranoia that’s been eating away at her insides ever since the phone call from Gold takes over and she glances over to see who is sitting next to her. She exhales a deep breath of relief when she recognizes the man she thinks is one of Kristoff’s friends as he looks away from her to order a drink from the bartender.

Emma rests her elbows on the counter and buries her face in her hands, berating herself for being so paranoid. She keeps expecting Gold to show up at every turn; she keeps expecting to hear his voice on the other end of the line when she answers the phone, regardless of the number on her caller id, or lack thereof. She’s even afraid of being alone in her own freaking house!

She really needs to get a grip and stop letting that creep get to her, but at the same time she has good reason for being scared. In medical school, she had studied enough required psychology to know Gold is the most dangerous kind of criminal. He believes himself invincible and therefore will dare to do anything.

Emma lifts her head and looks over to catch the man next to her giving her a once over, his lips stretching into a coy grin. “Hi there. You’re Anna's cousin, right?”

Emma has to refrain from rolling her eyes as she steers her gaze away from him. “That’s right,” she mumbles, running a finger around the rim of her glass.

“I’m Hans.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees him extending his hand to her. She doesn’t move to shake it though.

“And you are?”

She turns her head, flashing him a fake smile. “Not interested.”

He chuckles as the bartender hands him his drink. “That’s an interesting name, Not Interested. You from around here?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Hmmm, okay,” he says as he takes a swig of his drink.

At least he knows how to take a hint. She sighs in relief and continues sipping her water in silence.

“Well, Not Interested, I’m from out of town. I’m staying in a hotel room around the corner from here. If you get a little too tipsy from your drink, you’re more than welcome to crash in my room for the night.”

Emma clenches her jaw and is two seconds away from getting up from her seat and either giving him a piece of her mind or throwing her drink in his face. Just as she shifts to rise from her stool, a hand on her back makes her jump out of her skin and when she spins her head around to see whose hand she has to cut off, she loses her train of thought. And her breath.

“There you are, darling. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Killian leans in to kiss her cheek, and her breath catches when she feels those warm, luscious lips on her skin. “I should have known you’d be at the bar,” he chuckles playfully and glances at Hans while his thumb is idly stroking her back. “I can’t take her anywhere.” His spicy cologne hits her senses intensely, crippling her from head to toe when he reaches over her, extending his other hand to the stranger. “Killian Jones, Emma’s boyfriend. Nice to meet you.”

Tagging some people who have shown interest so far. If you would like to be tagged or untagged, please let me know.

@itsfabianadocarmo @snowbellewells @ilovemesomekillianjones @nikkiemms @teamhook @xhookswenchx @nikkiemms @xsajx @julesep3026 @hookedmom @biefaless @cluttermind @yasbio2015 @kmomof4 @lfh1226-linda @harshini01 @noensnaringnet @xarandomdreamx @onceuponaprincessworld @annastasiarinaldiva @royalswan @brustudyblog @officerrogers @gingerchangeling @melly326 @singersdd @mzbossyboots @unworried-corsair @iamemmaswanjones @authorarsinoe @kingofmyheart14 @nightskylover @jamif @resident-of-storybrooke @iam2307 @winterbaby89 @chinawoodfan @mormonkryptonite @ultraluckycatnd @captainswan-shipper88 @killianswanjones @bethdacattfm @andiirivera

#cs ff #captain swan #beyond a reasonable doubt #my fic

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isaacbendavid · 4 years ago

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While he hadn’t been a Rabbi for very long in the grand scheme of his life, Isaac Ben-David had attended plenty of funerals. Jewish funerals. Where the kippot covered heads and the tallit covered shoulders, where mothers and brothers wept and G-d was praised. The Mourner’s Kaddish, in fact, never mentions death or loss. It speaks, instead, of the glory of G-d. How many times had Isaac lifted G-d’s name up in glory, mourned with the People Israel, Kol Yisrael? It was different, now, to be mourned with, to stand before the grave of his wife, to praise G-d as he held his son’s hand, this yahrzeit coming to a close.

What a year in his life it had become. It wasn’t so long ago that Isaac was still waking up each morning with his wife next to him in bed, auburn hair tousled about. When his day consisted of drinking coffee with his grandfather, walking along the beach with his wife and son. When he had been a Torah scholar, a true mensch. Everything had once felt so alive and full of possibility, when they were expecting a daughter, their beloved Talia, whose grave sat beside Shoshana’s now. Isaac had been inconsolable during their shiva, bound to fits of sobbing and then of rage, screams of grief muffled by the shoulder of his father or mother as he fell into them. But such overt displays of resentment and disbelief had been relinquished on that seventh day of mourning, when the eyes of his son had peered up at him, old enough to comprehend his loss. They had lasted only a few months in Tel Aviv following the burial, when Isaac finally admitted he needed help, and Levi and Eliana Ben-David welcome their son back to Eureka.

How strange it was now, to stand in this crowed group of mourners, his parents, cousins, dear friends, worse still, Shoshana’s family. Asher and Sarah Kopel, his brothers and sisters-law, all standing with devastation in their verdant eyes, the same as Shoshana’s. He wondered, often, how they must loathe him. Shoshana had been so young, only twenty-six. They’d not been pleased to learn she was going to run off to Israel and marry Isaac, the then dubious rabbinical student with seemingly limited prospects. They had wanted her to see and have more of life, and then hers had come to such a sudden end. His mother-in-law had cautioned them on their quickness to marriage, that something so sudden was not built to last. They couldn’t comprehend the depth of this love, a love that had given them Noah, a love that would have brought Talia and countless other auburn haired, brown-eyed babies into the world if they’d only had the chance.

They had all gathered at his grandparents’ home, the looming multifamily complex by the sea, where they tried to laugh, to smile, to honor the memory of their sweet Shoshana. Her brother Samuel spoke of their time as children, of near-death experiences they’d kept from their mother, of inside jokes, of the adulation he’d had for his eldest sister. Her best friend, Yael, sang the praises of a woman who had cherished her friends, had loved her son with every fiber in her being, and thanked G-d for bringing Isaac into her life. The stories went on and on, celebrations for a young soul stolen by foolishness. And then it was Isaac’s turn, after her mother and father had wept, as Levi had kept a hand on the back of his son’s head, letting Isaac lean into him for support. But now it was Isaac Ben-David turn to stand, to attest for his great blessing, to speak of the mitzvah that was the life of Shoshana Ben-David, Rebbetzin, Meyven, Macher, Shayna Punim, his Basheret.

“I met Shoshana by chance, a story you all know by now. Shoshana claimed to be so certain of me that she had picked me out from a crowd of men in the Shuk Mahane Yehuda, where she could have had her pick of the ambition, better looking men fighting in the IDF. Somehow, in some way, I had stood out to this magnificent woman. I admit, for the first time in my life, I found the study of Torah much less practical, as I traipsed around the country following her Birthright trip. That was all the time it took, to fall in love. I waited patiently for that spring, when she would graduate from college and come back to visit me, a visit that became permanent. A wedding planned in record time, something we Jews are quite good at… And nine months later, our gorgeous boy, our tatala. I was always trepidatious and Shoshana was always determined. She ran our family home with an iron fist and a soft heart, caring for my beloved grandparents as though they were her own. Now, I think of the small things, how delicately she would comb Noah’s hair in the morning, the way she looked at me when she thought I didn’t notice, and how much she loved all of you. I used to worry that I had taken something from her, bringing her to Israel to live with me. It’s only in this past year that I realized every part of our brief life together was by her design, and I, the happy test subject. I think of the way she would hold my safta’s hand, the way she would sneak my zaide a cigarette and thought I wouldn’t catch him later. I think of all of this, these unspeakable bonds, a love I cannot properly put into words. I think of this woman, my wife, of the two people who made her, of the brothers and sisters and friends who helped shape her, and what a gift and sacrifice it was to share her with me. I…”

It was then that Isaac paused, catching the gaze of Shoshana’s siblings, all younger than her, all looking far too much like her, and the mixture of sorrow and joy in their eyes as Isaac spoke of her. They had loved to host their family year-round, but Isaac had particularly enjoyed Samuel’s gap year, which he’d spent with them in Tel Aviv. Noah had only been a year old, and he had been a heaven-sent addition even as an eighteen-year-old without a lick of Hebrew under his belt. Sarah and Asher might resent Isaac for the rest of their days, but Isaac knew, at least, that he had allies in the rest of the Kopel clan.

“I am a better man for having been loved by her.” Isaac concluded, feeling heavy-hearted and light-headed. He found himself back to his chair, where his father’s arm wrapped around him, his mother’s hand on his knee. And there Isaac sat, prone to a muted agony until the memorializing was over, and he could sit alone on the sands of the Mediterranean Sea as the moon bathed the ocean in white light, and his brain could finally quiet.

And in that quiet, he wondered if it was truly for the best that he and Noah remain in Israel. So much of his shared life with Shoshana was here, dear friends, so much of his extended family, even now some of hers. He could be happy here, free from so much. As he sat, he concluded this was best. But then, as the Rabbi closed his eyes, there she was.

And it was then Isaac knew Eureka would soon be in his sights again.

#tw death #tw grief #I'm selfish never did think about anyone but myself → muse #; drabble tag tbd.

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alistonjdrake · 4 years ago

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Part Two: The Silent Partner

Sebastian an’Johannes Harver Born: Year 1729 after the fall of the Saints Parents: Royal Governor and Governess of Tadrus. Johannes an’Arturo Harver and Helena ana’Dídac Cabrel Wife: Princess Sandra ana’Juliano Rios

There is a midwife in Tadrus who made a killing in the immediate years after the creation of the Escana Empire when she claimed she was the first to ever touch the emperor. She was also there when Lady Helena gave birth to Prince Sebastian. She said, “If I did not pull that babe from her with my own two hands I would never believe that they are mother and son.”

Some have theorized that Prince Sebastian was likely a mistake or a very surprising child. There are numerous reasons. Lady Helena and Royal Governor Johannes did not have a close or affectionate marriage by any means. While they married by their own choice (and also much to the shock of their families) they never appeared or claimed to be in love. In fact, after Frederick, it was said the couple did not see each other for two years with Johannes living in a smaller house on the Pala Haviso property where he spent time working on a poetry collection he would never finish.

So it was a wonder to many that Sebastian was born at all. No one was likely as surprised as Lady Helena who is often praised for her astute planning and foresight and her management of Frederick’s care and education, but she had no such plans for her younger son.

Sebastian had a quiet childhood. He stayed in Tadrus. He had tutors, none more extravagant than the cousin of a Navanese duke, and he was by no means uneducated. Sebastian was a well learned child. He was something of a musical prodigy. Even Lady Helena delighted in his singing. He spoke well, he had friendly manners, and was a pleasant child if not a boring one.

He spent a lot of time with his father and when Johannes’ health started to decline, he fashioned himself as one of his caretakers. Some would go on to say that even after some twenty years of marriage, Johannes still spent more time with Sebastian than he ever had with Lady Helena.

They were both relatively quiet and meek in appearance and manners. They got on well. In 1742, Sebastian was only thirteen when his father died and he was absolutely crushed.

As an adult and in the early years of the Harver reign, it’s easy to remember Prince Sebastian as King Frederick’s shadow, but when his older brother arrived from Oskya he was stunned by his strangeness. Sebastian would go on to write about his brother’s mustache, his odd companion, his funny accent, as well as his obsession with what he deemed “impractical” clothing. People always point out Frederick as the “Tadrune” one but that label is clearly more fitting for Sebastian.

Sebastian was Tadrune through and through. Even during his life in Graza he would be a firm believer in the Tadrune dialect and preferred it over Graza’s formal Escan. He preferred traditional Escana and Tadrune attire over new court fashions his brother adopted, something he would wear occasionally throughout his adult life. Sebastian also preferred quieter hobbies as a contrast to his brother. He was briefly famous for his collection of books and would go on to be the blame for his nephew Prince Leonides’ obsession with reading illegal books.

But, in the beginning, it can be said King Frederick did not make many attempts to bond with him. They had been apart for too long, they hardly wrote to one another previously, and the Pala Haviso was large enough where they truly did not need to meet if they didn’t want to. As brothers they did not cultivate any such closeness until after King Juliano’s death in 1745 and Sebastian, now sixteen, was encouraged both by his mother and grandfather to join King Frederick’s campaign.

Lacking all of his older brother’s knowledge of the military and knowing even less of Oskyan customs, Sebastian mainly kept to himself. Although, he did find some time to bond with Vadik, of all people. They would come to form their own small alliance that would hold together for future dealings when they would later corner King Frederick to make decisions.

King Frederick married Queen Isolde in 1748 and became King of Escan. That same day, there was another, often forgotten, wedding. Briefly in his childhood, there are rumors that Sebastian had been engaged before. Or that at least there was some conversations about him and potential matches (one of which its rumored was between him and the eventual Queen Trella).

But Sebastian was truly married at the age of nineteen to Princess Sandra ana’Juliano Rios, the often forgotten second daughter of King Juliano. As unhappy as the marriage between the older siblings were, this one was worse. Neither was thrilled. Princess Sandra had been hiding in an ally’s country house during the Siege of Graza and went missing on the road three times before she finally arrived in Graza for her wedding. Lady Helena had to sit Sebastian down and outline the importance of combining both families to him.

Perhaps one of the reasons Sebastian so easily jumped into life at court and took up a spot in helping King Frederick was as a way to avoid Princess Sandra, who spent their honeymoon alone in a Grazan townhouse while Sebastian helped with renovations of the palace and began research for what would become the groundwork of the propaganda that would strengthen King Frederick’s claim.

Another difference between the two brothers, is that Sebastian was very comforted by his work. Ever the avid reader, it actually delighted him to pour over bills and old Escana law. Besides that, and the one most people find interesting, is that Sebastian all but cut Princess Sandra loose. By the time Queen Isolde’s first pregnancy was announced, he urged his mother to loosen the watch on his wife. Princess Sandra would be gone from Graza by the next day.

As a couple, they barely saw each other and Sebastian was never known to take on a lover. King Frederick would become famous for having countless ones, and while there would be times where Sebastian would be criticized for coming too close to his one of his sisters-in-law, no one has ever produced solid proof that he was an unfaithful husband (or an awful brother).

In all things, Sebastian more or less tried to keep the peace. He would do his best to calm Lady Helena’s tempers, courtiers would tell jokes about how much time he spent cleaning up scandals and plucking nasty rumors by their roots, he was also dubbed the “handler”. Through him, his brother would often select his paramours. It would be Sebastian who would go to the lucky person’s residence and tell them they caught the king’s eye, or be the one to send a letter or gift, or be the one who had to have the paramour removed from the palace. Sebastian also took on the job of handling a lot of King Frederick’s personal accounts and affairs, a job he would eventually give to Prince Leonides (along with other tasks).

The family truly played up the differences between them. As capable of an adviser as Sebastian proved to be, it was important that he was also pointed out as the weaker brother just as much as they spread sentiment that Princess Sandra was frivolous and uncaring, a stranger in Graza. She was still the surviving Rios and to quell any whispers that that she took King Frederick’s place as King Juliano’s heir, they were set up as an entirely unfit royal couple.

Sebastian was the one who arranged the funeral for Lady Helena when she died in 1756 despite the fact that they were never close. But he was often charged with arranging all the funerals in the family up until that point (he’d even helped plan Johannes’ funeral back in 1742 as Arturo could not immediately leave Graza at the time and Lady Helena simply did not want to.) His responsibility of funeral handling does extend to his brother’s queens as well.

In place of having children of his own, Sebastian did try to be a good uncle. He was close to Prince Leonides because of how closely they worked together, but he did attempt to have relationships with all of his nephews (and his single niece). As Prince Leonides got older and his talent for politics became apparent, Sebastian began to take more and more steps back. Eventually, he would take an early retirement and do the thing King Frederick got to do that he never did.

Sebastian traveled. As a boy raised in Tadrus and then as someone who spent much of his adulthood in Graza, he was fascinated by the sea. He purchased his own ship and would spent many months out of the year sailing warm waters and relaxing on neighboring islands, returning to Graza with gifts for the family.

Much like himself, in 1759, he and Princess Sandra had a shocking child. After eleven years of marriage, much of it spent apart, Princess Sandra gave birth to their only child.

The timing is not extremely strange as in 1759, Sebastian and Princess Sandra had both a funeral and a wedding to attend (the death of Queen Filipa and the subsequent marriage to Queen Brandye. It was customary for them to appear before the court as a couple for special occasions. Sebastian was quoted to having saying he didn’t ask for much but Princess Sandra must not embarrass him by not attending.) and they did share apartments in Graza Palace. And perhaps eleven years had truly passed, people very rarely mentioned Queen Isolde or the bad blood that had existed between Harver and Rios in those days.

Although, once Princess Damaris was born, the couple was again separated. Princess Sandra went back to her country homes and lesser noble friends, and Sebastian traveled less frequently but that’s not to say he didn’t continue to leave.

While it can be said that neither were very attentive parents, Sebastian did try to make up for what he lacked. He found it much easier to be an uncle, as he had no reason to see his nephews before they were old enough to leave the royal nursery, but Princess Damaris’ care and education was all up to him once Princess Sandra was gone. On his own side, Sebastian did feel close to his daughter although he was very open about how little they understood one another or had anything in common. He was his daughter’s loudest supporter on her path to knighthood and when he was in Graza, they did spend plenty of time alone together almost as if they were outcasts in the Escana court.

Despite his retirement, Sebastian still handled much of King Frederick’s personal business. He was blamed for covering up Queen Luca’s assaults on paramours who were related to important figures, as well as accused for hiding Queen Luca when she was still a mistress during her pregnancy. When some people were brought to trial for Queen Luca’s assassination, Sebastian was also questioned (not under suspicion of involvement but for what he knew about potential suspects). Sebastian has also come under fire for not being wholly truthful about the personal Harver accounts and their assets, some believe he’s hidden several properties King Frederick purchased either to hide paramours or to have his family escape to in the case of a rebellion. He’s been accused of keeping a list of illegitimate children who are scattered across the continent for his brother, brushing illegal dealings under the rug, and even letting enemies of the state cross their borders.

For as faithful of a partner as he was to King Frederick, he very rarely confided in anyone himself. In Sebastian’s adult life, he found no friend as close to him as he’d been to his father as a child and was very secretive.

While traveling, he contracted a disease and died in 1779. After his funeral, Princess Sandra announced she would not be coming back to Graza and has not been seen in court since.

#My characters #my writing #tss trilogy #character intro #world building #another long one shhhhh #I'm proud of this one especially when we compare it to the last Sebastian post #it was like...nothing #tbh Sebastian isn't as wild as Frederick but he still did things y'know #and we appreciate him because he introduced Leonides to Valera #and honestly he probably hid several bodies during his career so #I just like writing about characters who are dead before ORG starts because surprise surprise I actually don't like writing backstory #I know that must be shocking #but this doesn't count because if Sebastian is already dead and is only mentioned as their dead uncle in ORG then it's not backstory they #never talk about any of this #I think Damaris comes close because she mentions that her childhood was rocky but like to one person because everyone else already knows #also this is sadly the first time after all my years of writing org that I'm realizing Damaris Leonides and Cidro are double cousins

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houseofslash · 4 years ago

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Angela Eugenia Christiansen (Templeton)

a complete-ish backstory for angela, my slasher oc. the timeline i have for her is tentative and i might play around with it a bit more, all i’m definitive about for her is that she’s somewhere in the mid-century period

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Angela Eugenia Christiansen Templeton

Born: December 2nd, 1940 to Mary and Peter Christiansen

Age: 28

Height: 5’5

Hair/Eyes: Blonde /Greenish-hazel

Hometown: Jacksonville, Florida

An only child born later in life to her parents (who considered her conception and birth miraculous), she was doted upon by her mother and various other relations that came to call, being the only child in the family at the time (with all her cousins having reached an age bracket far enough away from her as to make meaningful connection difficult). Her father, already not particularly fond of his wife’s family or of being sociable, spent long hours locked away in his office, where Angela was forbidden to go. “Sorry, Angie, Daddy’s busy,” was a common refrain of her childhood. Peter really did love his daughter dearly, he just didn’t know how to express it, and had long since given up the hope of children long before she was born. He worked hard as a way to show his affection, made money to keep her in nice clothes and buy her nice things. Angela often wondered what was wrong with her, when everyone else seemed to like her so much, but her own father wouldn’t give her the time of day. Upon later reflection, she agrees she has daddy issues because of this.

Upon reaching school age, she found it easy to put on a gregarious face and attract others to her; as her mother told her, everybody wanted to be friends with a pretty child who smiled and laughed all the time, even when she didn’t feel like smiling or laughing. The attention felt too good to not keep doing it, however. Eventually, she collected a gaggle of girlfriends, all similarly well-heeled and pretty, who giggled over the same boys and attended the same parties. For most of her adolescent years and into high school, she was content, growing into an amiable and eager to please young adult.

By the time her senior year of high school rolled around, some of that contentment had faded. She was realizing, slowly, that she might want more from life than a secretary job, a husband, and a house to keep, like her mother and most of her friends talked about. That slowly burgeoning doubt wasn’t enough to impel her to apply to college, or to keep her from accepting (with everyone in her life’s strongly-voiced support) when she was proposed to by a local banker’s son with wicked eyes and a razor-sharp grin, Richard Templeton.

Her father died when she was twenty-one, a year after she married Richard, from a sudden, devastating heart attack. Neither she nor her mother ever really recovered from the loss, since despite the slight dysfunction they all really did love each other, and Mary died less than two years later.

She spent the next ten years as Richard’s housewife, which she quickly realized meant his live-in maid and cook. At first they were friendly and even loving with each other, but as the honeymoon phase ended and they realized they really had no idea who the other person they had committed their life to was, they drifted apart. Eventually Richard was taken in entirely by his workplace environment of toxic masculinity and flagrant abuses of power, which carried over into his home life and how he treated Angela. She was never abused physically, but he did eventually become emotionally and verbally abusive.

This was not what Angela had been promised her life would be like. As she tells Richard, “I did everything right.” But it still wasn’t enough to make her happy.

The last straw came the day Richard came home, already drunk, and cornered her in the backyard as she was hanging out the laundry, and yelled at her for not having it done already, since he wanted to wear a particular shirt out with “the boys” that night, and it was currently in the wash. Angela, already annoyed since he’d specified what he wanted done that morning, snapped at him that he could wear a different shirt. He backhanded her across the face, his wedding ring breaking open the skin over her cheekbone, and sent her staggering. He snarled at her to never talk back to him like that again, and to dry the damn shirt already.

Her head ringing with the aftershocks, Angela nearly collapsed. It was in that moment that she spotted by the toolshed an axe, left out. She didn’t think as she stood up, moved to the toolshed, picked up the axe, and turned to go inside. She found Richard in the living room, taking his jacket off while muttering to himself. He didn’t have a chance to turn around and ask her what she was doing before she raised the axe and brought it down with a meaty wet crunch into the upper part of his back.

After she finished killing him, still high on power and adrenaline, Angela went about staging the scene. She wouldn’t do well in prison, she knew, and now she had plans forming in the back of her head, floodgates that she hadn’t known existed were opened; a new path presented itself. She’d do anything to feel that powerful again, to take that power from those that abused others. She couldn’t put this new notion into action if she were arrested for murder in the first degree. It took nearly an hour, but through working feverishly and rehearsing the lines she assigned herself as well as she could, she set the scene quite effectively for a home invasion gone bad. Fingerprints wiped from the axe, valuables removed from torn-out drawers and flushed. The final touch was to remove all suspicion from herself. Placing the axe on the floor with the glittering edge pointed up, she deliberately forced herself to slip and fall backwards on it. The large lot their house sat on kept any neighbors from hearing her scream. One genuinely agonized call to the police later, and Angela closed her eyes to wait. Either this worked, or maybe she could make a plea deal, get out early on good behavior.

It worked. No one could believe that Angela, sweet Angela, could possibly have murdered Richard. The scene really did appear to be that of a burglary gone south, especially the brutal axe wound poor Mrs. Templeton sustained trying to run away.

The police chief, a personal friend of the Templetons’, was especially helpful in removing all suspicion from Angela, since he could personally attest to the “happy marriage” the two shared.

Angela was happy to give a witness statement, to sniffle and cry through saying she didn’t really have much to do with her husband’s business, that she hadn’t seen the men’s faces because they were masked, that they made off with some of the valuables in the house before getting into a vehicle she hadn’t seen and taking off. Once she built her story, she was careful to stick to it. Within a week, she was formally cleared of all suspicion, and the gossip columns were all sympathy for poor Widow Templeton. She was allowed to leave the hospital soon after that, and laid low until Richard’s funeral was taken care of and the commotion died down around her.

After that, she sold much of their belongings including Richard’s car and their house, packed up what she wanted to keep, and decided on a whim to roadtrip out to California to start a new life. She returned to using her maiden name. The first day she was out on the road, she stopped at a motel to buy a map and ask about renting a room for the night. The manager was very unhelpful, openly ogling her and making inappropriate comments. That high feeling returned, flooding Angela’s veins with a glimmering wicked desire. The next day, a maid found the manager dead on the floor behind his desk, his eyes gouged out with his own desk scissors, gutted like a pig.

She’s aware she can’t just kill everybody who’s ever rude to her. That’ll get her caught, and she’s already come so far! She determines, however, that as she makes her way across the country, not to stay in one place for too long. So that if something were to happen, it wouldn’t be traceable to her.

Internally, Angela still longs for acceptance, since the recent events have led her to second guess every amount of love she’s ever gotten. Did her mother and relatives really love her, or did they love the idea of her? The concept of her they’d created in their heads, that Angela herself let them create?

She loves as deeply as she hates, longs to love and be loved. She tried tirelessly for ten years to love Richard and to make him love her. Despite her proclivity towards violence, Angela really does have an enormous amount of love to give. She wants to give it, wouldn’t mind taking care of a partner again, but doesn’t know if she can trust like that anymore.

She doesn’t know who she is, but if she can’t discover who she is, she isn’t afraid to forge herself anew, by any means necessary.

Random Facts:

-She likes animals of all kinds, and has a fondness for small children.

-An absolute sweater hoe. If you give her an article of your clothing that’s a bit big on her and soft, you’re not getting it back

-Has a quick wit and a sterling sense of humor, surprisingly easy-going and quick to laugh among friends or those she trusts

-Has a genuine need for glasses, but it’s not severe enough to need them all the time, and she prefers not to wear them

-Develops faint freckles when out in the sun for longer periods of time

#by hope #text #long post #slasher oc

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themusicplayedherlife · 5 years ago

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Take a Chance (Part 14)

pairings: steve rogers x reader

word count: 2k+

warnings: angst?? fluff??

a/n: so this was originally supposed to be a lot longer, but i--for the life of me--could not write the wedding as much as i tried, but here it is! finally! two more chapters to go and a few side chapters ;w;

summary: AU! After a one night stand at a friend’s wedding, you gain something that could possibly change your life and views on life for better or worse.

*song recommended to listen to Adagio for Strings, Op. 11

previous || all || next

You try not to stare at your reflection too much.

Wanda and Natasha are moving around you, helping each other add their finishing touches after having helped you get ready. They’re laughing and cracking jokes, but it’s not completely genuine. They keep stealing glances at you when they think you’re not looking, but you can feel their heated gaze every time they make a joke, hoping it’ll pull a laugh from you. It doesn’t.

You play with the ring Steve gave you, twisting it around and slipping it on and off. You’ve found yourself staring at it more than you’d like—it’s beautiful, breathtaking really. But a part of you isn’t sure you deserve this ring. It belongs to Sharon, not you. Just like this whole wedding belongs to her.

Your gaze lifts when the door is thrown open to reveal Amora wearing the beautiful light green dress--that she and the girls picked as bridesmaids--that hugs her every curve and matches the color of her eyes. Her blonde hair, unlike Wanda’s and Natasha’s, is loose and framing her beautiful face perfectly.

Green eyes meets yours through the mirror as she closes the door behind her and stalks her way over to you. “You’re about to get married, but you look like you’re attending your lover’s funeral instead.”

“Amora,” Natasha warns her, but she shakes her off with a wave.

“Stop being such a drag and smile.”

“Amora.” Wanda tries to stop her too, but she just ignores her and stares at you with a raised brow.

Natasha’s heels click against the flooring. “You’re being a bitch.”

“Anything new?” She replies back, her voice nonchalant and teasing.

You sigh, eyes falling back onto the ring. Maybe if you ignore her and don’t make eye contact, she’ll go away.

Harsh whispers fill the room, the three of them arguing about who knows what, until a silence blankets over them. Natasha breaks the silence first, promising to be back before it’s time for you to walk down the aisle.

Wanda sends you a worried glance before promising the same and following Natasha out of the room.

Amora waits for the door to close behind them before addressing you. “A little birdie told me you’ve been avoiding your soon-to-be-husband. Said you kept turning him away every time he tried to visit you at your mother’s. Want to tell me what that was about?”

You flinch—husband. In an hour he’ll be your husband. There’ll be no turning back after this, you’re going to have to make it work, push your feelings aside and focus on Shrimp. For Shrimp, you remind yourself, resting a hand on your stomach that is slowly starting to get bigger. “I think you more than anyone understands he’s not really going to be my husband.”

She scoffs. “The wedding license you signed begs to differ.”

“Maybe under the law, but he’s never going to be mine. This whole thing is just a sham, just like yours was.”

“Beg your pardon? My wedding ceremony was not a sham,” she spits the word out with disdain. “And neither is my marriage to Sam. We may have had our reasons to get married, but that does not mean we do not care for one another. He is my husband and I am his wife.”

You purse your lips. If she knew about Natasha—

“If you are thinking about what happened between Sam and Natasha, you do not have to worry. I already knew before she herself knew.”

You turn to gape at her and she chuckles.

“Oh, my love, why do you think Sam and I agreed to this marriage? How do you think we are making it work? We both understood that we would not fall for each other, but we knew that we could love and care for one another. An open marriage is what is helping us strive.”

“But on your wedding—“

She raises a perfectly manicured brow. “That was my day to be lavished with attention and Sam knew that. Had the perfect night planned for me that involved a very private massage and a lot of chocolate covered strawberries. As a reward, I allowed him to do whatever or whoever he wanted. The honeymoon was ours and ours completely.” She pauses for effect, lips widening. “Well... not entirely.”

You grimace at the suggestiveness laced into her words and the image she has painted in your mind. “Really didn’t need to know that.”

She laughs, clearly enjoying how uncomfortable she has made you.

As her laughter dies down, the loud ticking of the clock fills the room and your gaze falls to the ring on your finger. Would he be mad if you returned it after the ceremony? You cover your ring finger with your hand, sighing gently. Do you even want to part from it?

“You know,” she starts, breaking the silence between you after studying you. “For as long as I have known you, you have always infuriated me.”

You sigh. “Seriously, Amora?”

She ignores your disgruntled protest to continue with her tirade. “Always hiding your feelings from others, purposely making yourself miserable.” What is she...? “Do you not grow tired?”

Your breath hitches, lodging itself in your throat as your fingers twitch and your eyes meet hers through the mirror. For once, there’s a tenderness in her pretty eyes that you have never seen from her.

“You build a wall around yourself that everyone has to climb just to see a fragment of who you are. And as soon as they get close enough, you shake them off, afraid of what their reaction might be if they see all of you. You just keep building higher and higher, isolating yourself—isolating every single feeling you’ve ever felt out of fear. Are you not exhausted?”

Your mouth opens and closes, wanting to deny her words, but words do not form only a choked sound that pushes your mind back to the night you cried in Steve’s arms.

“I might not know Steve’s feelings for you or any of this, but I do understand yours—you have fallen for him, or else you would not be keeping your distance from him; would not be saying he is not yours.”

You hang your head, murmuring, “He won’t ever have feelings for me.“

“How can you be so sure of that when you do not give him a chance to fall in love with you?” She rests her hands on your shoulders. “The matter of the heart is tricky business, my love. It can fall in love in a moment or it can take years; it can love for a lifetime or it can hold on for a day. We do not ever know what is in store for us when it comes to love. But what we do know is that loving, being in love, and being loved is a wonderful thing, something we should never trade for anything in the world or ignore.

“Bring down those walls and let him in completely, stop pulling back, and find out for yourself what kind of love you will share with one another.”

Of course she’d make it sound so easy. She just doesn’t understand! No one does! You dig the heels of your hands into your thighs. “I can’t afford to, Amora. It’s not just me anymore! I have Shrimp to think about and this could ruin everything for them. They’re my priority.”

She sighs. “You are an idiot. I said it when you were with my oaf of a cousin, Thor and I am saying it again: you are an idiot and a coward. Your happiness is just as important as your little one’s.”

At the mention of your ex-boyfriend, a dull pain blooms in your chest. He deserved better than what you could offer him. “This is different! I—I couldn’t love Thor as he deserved— couldn’t love him as much as he loved me. He didn’t deserve that.”

“No,” she says firmly, “you were afraid to find out if you could. You were afraid of allowing yourself to truly fall and risk it all.” Her eyes harden. “You were afraid of losing his love and of losing that love you could have found for him.” Just like your parents, were her unspoken words. “But you can not keep clinging to the past—“

“I’m trying!”

She scrutinizes you. “Are you? You have to stop fearing the future, too, love. The present is what you have, and it’s what you should focus on. Steve is—“

A knock on the door startles you and interrupts her. Wanda and Natasha poke their head in. Wanda flashes you an encouraging smile and Natasha a worried glance.

“It’s time,” Wanda says.

Your heart pounds harshly against your rib cage and your eyes meet Amora’s once more.

“Stop holding back,” she says, offering you her hand.

When you were six years old, you and your family attended a beautiful wedding. You had been so enthralled by the flowers and the music. So fixated on the bright rays that slipped through the large glass-stained windows, dust particles flying in the air like magical fairies blessing the small church and the couple tying their love. So enamored with the beautiful bride in the purest of whites as she was led down the aisle by her father. You could see so much in his eyes full of tears—the pride and all of the love he had for his daughter shining brighter than the golden ornaments decorating the chapel.

“That’s going to be us one day,” your dad had leaned down to whisper in your ear, and you smiled wide, eyes bright and twinkling as they looked up at the man you once thought your hero.

“You promise, papá?”

“Con todo mi corazón, bebe.”

With all my heart, he had promised. If only that little girl you used to be knew how much of a lie that was. Would she had clung so much to the memory of him after he left?

“Mija,” you mother says softly, taking your hand in hers.

You smile weakly in her direction and she squeezes your hand.

“He’s not him,” she says softly, assuringly.

“I know, mama.”

“I trust him,” she whispers, cupping your face in her dainty hands, bringing your head down to press her forehead against you. “I believe in him.” She pulls away and presses a gentle kiss to your skin, just above your eyebrow.

“We’re here for you,” your sister says, squeezing your left hand.

You bite your lips and nod just as the double glass doors open and the music begins—the cello and bass filling the backyard with its song just as Natasha starts you all off—walking slowly and in time with the music. Wanda goes next, and she smiles back at you reassuringly before staring straight ahead and walking with her head held high.

Your heart races and you hold your mother’s hand once more, your grip tightening on her and your sister’s hands as Amora steps out into the bright yard. Vicky, in a beautiful white dress with golden embroidery of flowers on the skirt, drops petals on the white carpet covering the grass as she smiles at the guests.

Your sister hands you your bouquet made out of blue and white hydrangeas, and a bunch of other flowers you don’t recognize, and you take it from her, your hand shaking. They loop their arms through yours and with their help, you walk down the aisle.

It’s all a blur—the faceless blobs standing and their muted whispers as the string quartet plays.

“Breathe,” you think you hear your sister whisper to you, but it’s all white noise at this point. The warm sun on your skin sends trickles of sweat down your back and your feet are already starting to swell. It’s uncomfortable and all you want to do is sit down and cry, but you can’t, not now—not now!

Instead of focusing on the faceless guests, you resolve to keep your gaze forward, but as they move, your eyes lock with Steve’s and it takes everything in you to not cry. His eyes are wide and his bottom lip is hanging open; his hands that had been resting at his sides suddenly come to his front where he folds them neatly—fingers playing as they tug on one another nervously. He hardly pays any attention to someone—Bucky?—leaning in and whispering in his ear, his baby blues are completely focused on you.

And then he smiles and its like the whole world is shifting. It’s such a beautiful smile—the corner of his eyes wrinkle as his eyes moon; the corner of his lips lifting with every step you take. It sends a rush of fresh air to your lungs as your blood calms and your heart that had been ready to jump out of your chest, slows.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers breathlessly as you come to a stop in front of him. There’s a sheen in his eyes, glossy and misted.

A newfound heat takes over you as you get lost in the sincerity of his gaze. “Thank you.”

“Please, take care of her,” your mom pleads, voice firm and yet so vulnerable, breaking the trance you had been under. She offers him your hand, but she refuses let go.

“I will,” he says it resolutely—a promise.

She squeezes your hand and takes his hand, and with her guidance, your hands meet. “I know.” She only lets go when his fingers slip between yours. “I love you,” she whispers to you.

“I love you too,” you whisper back as she and your sister take their seats.

Both you and Steve, with your hands wrapped in warmth, turn towards the wide expanse of the sea; an arch of flowers looming over your bodies as the officiant opens the ceremony with well known words.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #Steve rogers x you #Steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers au #reader insert #marvel fanfiction #marvel au #take a chance

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blackswaneuroparedux · 5 years ago

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Victoria Louise: The last princess of Prussia

Victoria Louise of Prussia was born on 13 September 1892 as the seventh child and only daughter of German Emperor Wilhelm II and Augusta Victoria of Schleswig-Holstein.

Her mother later wrote in her diary, “After six sons, God has given us as our seventh child, a small but very strong little daughter. She was born at half past three in our much beloved Marmor (Marble) Palace during the night of Monday/Tuesday. The pleasure over this little ray of sunshine was great, not just for us parents and the nearest relatives, but indeed the whole nation rejoiced at the birth of the little girl. May she some day become a joy and a blessing for many – as she has created happiness by her appearance – let her have happiness in life. Her father, who up to now had always wanted sons, was very happy and is marvelling still.” Although a particularly healthy child, she was very delicately formed.

Victoria Louise was assigned an English governess, Miss Topham. As the only girl in the family, she grew up wanting to be like her brothers. Her brothers made her march with a small wooden rifle, and she enjoyed wearing Highland dress as it made her look more like them. She grew up with a love for horses and often went riding with her mother. Her confirmation took place in the Friedenskirche in Potsdam on 18 October 1909.

Her English governess once wrote that the “warlike” Wilhelm “unbends to a considerable extent when in the bosom of his family… [and is] the dominating force of his daughter’s life. His ideas, his opinions on men and things are persistently quoted by her.”

Wilhelm loved his daughter so much that he let her get away with things he would have never allowed his sons to say or do. Her siblings recognized their father’s adoration of their little sister, so much so that the eldest, Crown Prince Wilhelm, once wrote that she was, “the only one of us who succeeded in her childhood in gaining a snug place” in the Kaiser’s heart."

A few days later she was made Colonel-in-Chief of the 2nd Guard Hussar Regiment, of which Victoria Louise was very proud. When she presented her regiment in a march past her father the following year she wrote, “When I lie in bed at night my heart beats with joyful excitement at the thought that in four weeks time I am to lead my regiment past you. I can never thank you enough, and I kiss your hand for bestowing me this great favour. I have always regretted not having been a boy, so as to be able to join your army, but now at least I have been consoled by your gesture.”

In May 1911, Victoria Louise accompanied her parents on a state visit to the United Kingdom. Immediately there were rumours that she was to be engaged to the Prince of Wales, the future King Edward VIII, who was 17 at the time. She remembered him as nice but also thought he looked terribly young. In any case, the rumours remained rumours. At the beginning of 1912, Victoria Louise became ill with bronchitis and spent several weeks recuperating at St Moritz. While travelling to Bad Homburg to join her mother, news arrived of the death of Prince George Wilhelm of Hanover. He had been on his way to the funeral of King Frederick VIII of Denmark – his uncle – when he was killed in a car accident near Nackel in Mark Brandenburg.

Upon her father’s orders, her brothers Prince Eitel Fritz and Prince August Wilhelm went to the lying-in-state and formed a guard of honour. Shortly after this, Prince George Wilhelm’s younger brother Ernst August came by to personally thank the Emperor.

Ernst August was now the heir to the defunct throne of Hanover, from which his family had been deposed by the Prussians. Upon his first meeting with the Emperor and Empress, Victoria Louise found him quite stiff and solemn – he had just lost his brother after all. When the topic came to horses, Victoria Louise offered to show him her thoroughbreds, and the ice seemed to finally have been broken.

She later wrote that she was in love with him at first sight. Her mother wrote, “He certainly made an impression on my child from the first. God knows whether it will ever come to anything.” In the end, the Duke of Cumberland, Ernst August’s father, renounced any claims to the Duchy of Brunswick in favour of his son and Ernst August was to refrain from claiming the Hanoverian throne.

In May 1913, they were to be married, and it would turn out to be the last great gathering of foreign royals before the First World War. On 24 May, Victoria Louise put on a wedding dress and was helped with her bridal crown and a veil by her mother. After the exchanging of the vows, a 36-gun salute was fired. The day ended with a banquet attended by a 1,000 guests. Her father made the toast, “My darling daughter, today, as you leave our house, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the joy you have given me and your mother, and for the ray of sunshine which you have been in our house.” They spent their honeymoon climbing the mountains and walking in the woods of Gmunden.

In March 1914, Victoria Louise gave birth to their first child; a son also named Ernst August who had plenty of royal godfathers, such as Emperor Franz Joseph of Austria and the Tsar of Russia.

Just a few months later, Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife Sophie were assassinated, kickstarting the First World War. Her husband reported to the army and days followed without any news from him. She began to fill her time with the care of the wounded soldiers. A large block of the castle became a hospital. At Christmas, her husband wrote to her, “Today is Christmas Eve and we three are separated. It is a severe sacrifice, but in these times it is the least we can do. The worse it is just now, the better it will be later. God bless you.” All of Victoria Louise’s brothers were now in the army as well.

In November 1918, the German Empire came to an end with the abdication of Victoria Louise’s father. He had crossed the border into the Netherlands and had been granted asylum. Brunswick itself was not safe either and as Victoria Louise lay ill with the Spanish flu revolutions rocked the state.

The family – now with the additions of Georg Wilhelm and Frederica – was ordered to leave immediately and together they left for Karlsruhe. Upon arrival, they were promptly arrested. They managed to escape to Bavaria and then on to Austria. They went to live with Ernst August’s parents until they could move into Villa Weinburg. In 1919, she gave birth to their fourth child.

In March 1920, Victoria Louise was at last allowed to visit her parents in their Dutch exile. Along the way, she visited several relatives. Her mother had been terribly ill for quite some time. Her parents were able to buy their own home in the Netherlands, and House Doorn and the few miles around it became their new home. Her mother did not live to enjoy it for very long. As her mother lay dying, they received the news that Victoria Louise’s brother Prince Joachim had killed himself. The Empress died on 11 April 1921, but Victoria Louise was not there.

Her father’s decision to remarry not even two years later hurt Victoria Louise. His intended bride was the much younger and widowed Hermine Reuss of Greiz, who had five children by her first husband. Victoria Louise and her brother Oskar wrote a letter to their father, but the wedding went ahead as planned, though several members of the family – including Victoria Louise – were not present. The following year, Victoria Louise gave birth to her fifth and last child, a son named Prince Welf Henry.

It was the Crown Prince who first had contact with Adolf Hitler in 1926. He also sent Hermann Göring to Doorn to meet with the Emperor. Prince August Wilhelm became a member of the Nazi party to his father’s dismay. Victoria Louise met Hitler in 1933 when he invited her and her husband to Berlin. She thought him to be polite and correct and he spoke in a friendly fashion. She would meet him a few more times over the years.

Their children were growing up now, and in 1938, Frederica married the future King Paul of Greece. At the end of the year, Victoria Louise became a grandmother with the birth of Sophia (later Queen of Spain and mother of King Felipe VI of Spain).

The Second World War threw things into turmoil. Victoria Louise’s sons went off to war with their cousins. The invasion of the Netherlands brought her father into an uncomfortable position, and he would welcome the invaders with open arms, smilingly shaking soldiers’ hands. He would die the following year on 4 June 1941 with Victoria Louise by his side.

The end of the Second World War brought the American and British troops to Victoria Louise’s home. Several boxes of the German Foreign Office had been stored at her home, and they mainly showed interest in those. They were confiscated by the Americans, but Victoria Louise and her family were treated well by them. Nevertheless, the family went on the move once more, and they went to Marienburg Castle.

Ernst August suffered from an eye ailment that required an operation. He lost the sight in one eye, and a little while later, he had a severe inflammation of the lungs and never fully recovered. In early 1953, he became weaker and weaker. He told his doctor, “I’ve lived a wonderful life, and I want to go through the remainder courageously.” Victoria Louise was by his side during his final hours. He died on 30 January 1953. Victoria Louise would survive him for almost 30 years.

She returned to Brunswick two years after her husband’s death. She threw herself into charity work and worked for prisoners of war who returned from Russia. She outlived all her siblings and buried her last brother, Prince Oskar in 1958. In her later years, she wrote several books, including her own memoirs.

She died on 11 December 1980 at the age of 88 and was buried beside her husband in the Berggarten at Herrenhausen in Hanover. Victoria Louise was the last of Emperor Wilhelm II’s children to die, for her final two surviving brothers, Crown Prince Wilhelm and Prince Oskar had died in 1951 and 1958 respectively.

Victoria Louise lived to see the births of all of her grandchildren. Having seen her daughter Frederica become the Queen of Greece in 1947 when Frederica’s husband, Paul, ascended to the throne as well, she lived to see Frederica became the mother of King Constantine II of Greece and Queen Sofía of Spain.

In many ways her legacy to the present royal houses in Europe is considerable.

#royalty #germany #history #monarchy #kaiser wilhelm ii #first world war #nobility #military #biography #princess victoria louise of prussia #victoria louise

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miilenv-archived · 5 years ago

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well, well, well... helloooo, it’s been a while, my friends, but i’m back nd ( i think ) better than ever ?? idk, either way, i’m bee nd pumped to be back here, i missed you all sm ! there has been a massive change in lenya’s life so even if you’ve read it before, i promise y’all it’s worth the read again !

&&. announcing her majesty, ( milena yurivič ), the ( 36 ) year old ( queen ) of ( belarus ). she is often confused with ( irina shayk ). some say that she is ( machiavellian & acerbic ), but she is actually ( ambitious & intelligent ).

so this is milena, or lenya if you're a close friend or family member ! she's the queen of belarus, and she used to be married to the king of belarus, pyotr yurivič. she's also formerly her serene highness, milena maksimovna de bourbon-grimaldi, the princess of monaco & before that, her royal highness milena romanova, princess of russia. so basically, This Bitch has a lot of damn titles.

i'm going to add a few dot points below but trust me when i say that if you read her BIO, STATS & TASK 002 ( or just... check out this tag for all the tasks i did way back when & recently updated (; ) you'll know pretty much everything you need to know.

so she was born may 1, 1984, which makes her 36 ! she's just celebrated her one-year anniversary as the queen of belarus.

her father, maksim, was king mikhail's younger brother, he was married to ekaterina they had a son, nikolai, who was two years older than lenya.

when she was eleven, katya fell pregnant and sadly, she died giving birth to anastasiya. BUT, she left a letter behind, detailing an affair she had that resulted in her falling pregnant. simka, lenya's dad, was already struggling with her death and the letter was basically the straw that broke the camels back. he told her and her brother the secret, and then climbed in his car. nikolasha was determined to stop him and climbed into the backseat, but before he could say or do anything, their father drove into a tree, killing them both.

so then it was just lenya and her newborn baby sister, thankfully though, her uncle took them in and they were then raised alongside alexei, nadya & her other cousins.

skipping forwards, she attended oxford and studied ppe ( philosophy, politics & economics ) & journalism, and once she left school she managed to nab a job as a political journalist at the guardian newspaper in the uk.

around the time she got her job she began dating henri de bourbon-grimaldi ( and levente cröy ), she was nearing twenty-eight years old and she wanted the wedding and the kids. it really was a matter of who out of henri and levente was ready for more and stepped up. it ended up being henri and he proposed at her twenty-eighth birthday. they married 3 months later.

henri and lenya wanted kids, desperately, but it wasn't for them and they tried to conceive but never succeeded. after finding out the reason for their bad luck, not a week later henri perished in the plane crash.

barely a month after his funeral, lenya packed her bags and fleed back to russia, in her grief she just wanted to be at home, with family. she also needed a new plan.

that's another thing: milena always has a plan. you can call it a goal too but she needs the organisation. she lives for having a purpose.

so she had a few journalist friends in belarus ( she calls them sources, they're essentially spies ), who told her that king pyotr was of old age, no heirs, and his health was deteriorating. so she did as she does, and brought an idea to her cousins: ‘ what if i bring belarus even closer to us ? ’

and so, off she went to belarus, and within about a month she was milena yurivič, queen of belarus. because of the speed of the wedding after henri's death, she's been painted in the media as a black widow.

she lived in dubai for almost two months, if you also subtract the two or so weeks she returned to belarus when pyotr was in ill health, but had to return when he went beyond the point of no return. within a month of milena returning to minsk, her husband was dead. before his death, he stipulated that in the event of his passing, milena was to rule belarus, on one condition: that she stay in a period of mourning for twelve months and not marry until after it.

it was, if she was honest, a complete shock to her. she’d spent their whole marriage convincing him she was trying to conceive and would continue to do so in the event of his death. as it would seem, it was hardly necessary.

now she’s returning to dubai as the only ruling monarch of belarus, and she’s fully aware that she’s in a precarious position politically. she’s been fending off pyotr’s distant relatives who all claim they’re now the true heir, while trying to firmly cement herself in the court. any alliances she can make that can support her in the event that someone challenges her rule would be exceptionally welcome.

as for her personality: she's ruthless in her pursuit of what she wants, she's not a very open person and only trusts her family and those who've proven themselves. new friendships are unlikely but she will make alliances.

oh ! and she's based on cersei lannister from game of thrones, which i think explain a lot about her tbh !

okay, that's all i've got for now, but please come and love on my girl ! i’m so pleased to be back & more than happy to pick up plots where i left them or start fresh, hmu either way bbs !

#hshqintro #╰ ✧ ── information.

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btamamura · 5 years ago

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Sorry, this is a long post so you can feel free to just scroll past. I wrote this on the app since the web page hates my devices, so there is no Read More cut.

Time to open up to my followers.

If you’ve known me for a while, you’d know my battles over the last few years. For the new folks, here it is - I have been living with a chronic illness since November 1, 2014, and it has been awful.

It started out as just chronic nausea. We thought it might’ve been something I ate or a lingering case of gastro. But, that changed February the next year when the pain started.

I woke up one morning to find I was in extreme pain in my feet. I hadn’t injured myself but my feet felt like the bones had been shattered. The lightest touch made the pain even worse, so I was just lying on my back, feet in the air, crying and crying, trying not to scream and wishing it would just go away. The pain faded over the next couple of weeks, but never left completely. It was just an annoyance or painful but not excruciating. My grandfather offered for me to see a podiatrist, he would pay if not bulk-billed, because he thought maybe it was from the many years of walking on my toes.

The next day, right before my cousin’s birthday party, which I had planned on attending for at least an hour just to say hello to the family, the same horrible pains started in my hands. Dad just had to take one look at me to know I would not be going. I asked him, through my tears, in half-seriousness if he could find his axe and chop my hands off so I never had to feel that pain again.

I found a clinic to attend with my grandfather’s help. I saw a doctor about my symptoms. She focused on the nausea, even if I kept saying “I’m in worse pain today!”, so I tried seeing a different doctor in the clinic. The first doctor had ordered a gastroscopy to be done to see if there was something going on in my stomach.

The second doctor kept ordering the same blood tests - iron, b12, vitamin d. And even once those levels had been corrected, I was still sick and sore. I had since had my gastroscopy, which came up clear. The second doctor looked me in the eye and said outright that she believed I had to be faking in order to get out of looking for work. I was already upset that the gastroscopy had no answers (I’d already said I would cry if it came up clear, just as I would’ve if it found a tumour developing in my stomach), but then to hear that from someone who was meant to help?! I broke down crying and told her if everything I had missed in the time I had been sick. By this time, it was early 2016.

I told her of missing visiting my niece as a newborn. Of how I couldn’t attend my cousin’s engagement, Hen’s night and wedding. Of how I couldn’t attend my pop’s funeral. Or the missed annual dinners with Nan and Pop before his passing. (Pop is my dad’s stepfather and was a big part of my life growing up despite living far away.) How I had planned a holiday to the Gold Coast for my 30th birthday but instead spent that day in bed, struggling to down my food and avoiding the family as they ate theirs because the smell made my nausea worse. Of the Christmases I spent sick in bed and unable to visit my mother’s grave. Of not being able to hang out with my sister and spend time with my young nephew and much younger niece. I refused to see that doctor again and left feeling terrible.

New doctor at a clinic my great-uncle visited. He decided to do the usual blood test but also tested to see if I was autoimmune. Yep, so he then tested to see if I had lupus. Nope. But, he still seemed to be doing more for me than the last two doctors. A week after the autoimmune result came in, I wound up in hospital. I hadn’t been able to eat or drink for a week because I was having difficulty swallowing. I wasn’t in a dangerous condition, so I was only admitted overnight for observation, having some fluids by IV and to speak with a speech therapist the next morning as I was put on a purée diet. While being observed, the doctor in hospital noticed something - a goitre.

Eating troubles started becoming more frequent at that time. By the end of 2016, I was struggling with abdominal pains and low appetite. There were sporadic days I couldn’t eat a thing. I attended another appointment where the doctor forced me to have two jelly babies because my blood sugar was low - no, I’m not diabetic. They came to a head in late-March of 2017.

I hadn’t eaten more than a nibble here and there and only barely sipped at a drink for a week. I was very unwell and after the third time of being sick, I decided I had to go up to the emergency department because something was very wrong. I was right - they saw me right away. I was in the early stages of Refeeding Syndrome due to starvation, my blood sugar was low, my ketones had gone up and my organs were slowly starting to shut down. My blood was acidic. I was told to try sipping at apple juice, but it was no good, I couldn’t even muster that.

I was moved to short stay while waiting to transfer to a ward. My time in hospital was scary, and not in the usual “I’m afraid of hospitals” way. I was in danger. I was diagnosed with starvation ketoacidosis (similar to diabetic but I’m not diabetic), as anorexic (no appetite version, not anorexia nervosa) and even if they tried to get me to eat, I struggled even with crackers. They put me on Ondansetron (usually for chemo and radiotherapy patients) to ensure anything I did try to eat would stay down. I was put on different infusions - saline, glucose, potassium (THAT HURT SO MUCH, I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO SNAP MY ARM IN HALF AND I ACTUALLY PASSED OUT FROM THE PAIN!!) and others. I had blood tests at least twice a day and tests for my blood sugar and ketones every time I was about to eat or if I looked a bit more unwell. I had to be hooked up to a portable heart monitor, but the first night of that, my heart rate reached 150bpm just slowly walking to the toilet, and a Med Call was made to make sure I did not go into cardiac arrest. The doctor who made his rounds had to outright tell me that if I failed to eat, I would need to be put on a feeding tube or else I would die. That’s how bad it was. I was in for a week before I was deemed well enough and safe enough to go home.

The third doctor started to let me down, ordering the same blood tests to make it look like he knew what might be going on. No good. Wound up feeling too ill later in the year so I missed my uncle’s funeral.

In 2018, I started going downhill. Wound up hospitalised with starvation ketoacidosis again following a bout of gastro the day before. Falls also started occurring. But, it was no good, I couldn’t find a good doctor who could help instead of just playing around with the same old blood tests. I missed more events including my other niece’s first birthday and my great-uncle’s funeral.

2019, still struggling. I’m seeing a new doctor, but she very quickly lets me down by saying EVERYTHING is just tied to my anxiety. At least she took the lump in my breast seriously - thankfully not cancer. But, as the year progresses, a good doctor is finally found. My cousin helped me find a clinic that bulk-bills and is taking on patients.

My current GP listens every time I see her. Every. Time. I go in with a new symptom or concern, she orders the right tests or refers me to someone who can help. Through her help, I’ve been able to see a speech therapist about the ongoing swallowing issues, a physiotherapist about my falls, a dietician about my dietary issues which contribute to deficiencies, a surgeon about my goitre (he put me on medicine because my thyroid was a bit overactive - suspecting hyperthyroidism or any other forms of it - in the most recent blood test through the hospital when I went up by ambulance with chest pains, ordered a CT scan and believes the best course of action may be to perform a complete thyroidectomy, meaning removal of my thyroid), had me undergo full blood tests (not just the usual), had me undergo an ECG and TTE (trans-thoracic echo, an ultrasound of the heart) just to make sure all is well there since I keep having chest pains and most recently referred me to a neurologist because she believes my symptoms line up with a rare genetic condition. She’s also looking into finding a neuropsychologist who can help with an autism assessment.

Because of the help I’ve been receiving, I’ve been a bit more hopeful of a diagnosis finally coming in the near future. Because I’ve been seeing a physio who helped me with strengthening exercises for my legs, I have been able to go out walking for a little while - never out on the streets but yes in shopping centres, that way if something goes wrong, someone is nearby to get help.

I still feel nauseous (still on Ondansetron for that). I’m still in pain every second of every day. I still feel that weakness. But, I’m starting to have those okay moments where I can go shopping or play with my niece and nephew - both occurred over the last couple of days, a water fight two nights ago where I just stood there shooting a water pistol at them as they ran around me, and an hour out shopping with my niece. Yes, those hit hard the next day and up through the next week. I do not intend to push myself so hard I’m at risk of hospitalisation. But, I also need to work at rebuilding my stamina. My father and grandfather have special birthdays next year and I want to be able to attend the dinner organised...even if I can’t eat while there, as long as I’m there is what matters.

But, for now, it’s baby steps. Sitting up and watching a movie. Washing some dishes. Carefully playing with the kids. Try to keep the shopping trips short. Eat what is possible, not what is a must.

#life #chronic illness #long post

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frivoloussuits · 6 years ago

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The footnotes for my next fic (Theme and Variations) got monstrously long, so I’m putting them on tumblr!

“Then you don't know what you're talking about, because I've lived my whole life - not to be her.

“And when people do that, they very often become that very thing in a different way.”

- Harvey and Paula, S05E07

“And then, he just climbed up on the piano and started singing . . . Six years old. Right in the middle of the dinner party.

“My goodness. What did you do?”

“Well, the only thing we could do. Gordon grabbed his sax and gave him some backup.”

“You never told me you could sing.”

“Because he can't.”

- Lily and Paula, S07E13

The canonical timeline on Lily’s adultery is complicated. There is a flashback to Harvey walking in on her and another man when he was eight in S05E07 (“Honey, you remember our cousin-- my cousin Scott . . . And let's not tell Dad about cousin Scott, okay? 'Cause they don't get along.”) Harvey tells Mike in S02E10 that he discovered her adultery at age sixteen but didn’t say anything for two years. In S0507, Harvey discovers his mother cheating again and waits two weeks before informing Gordon about the affair. His relationship with Jessica is well-established at this point, so I speculate he is in his mid-twenties.

“They told me this is where I'd find women's softball.”

“It is now.”

- Harvey and Gordon, S03E06 (practicing baseball together)

“I don't know how to say this . . . Your dad, he had a heart attack.”

- Donna, S02E08

“It's my condolences, which I expected to leave on your desk, because I thought you'd be out mourning your father.”

“I had--”

“What, bigger fish to fry? Don't you see? That's what this place does. There's always bigger fish.”

“I am dealing how I deal.”

“Harvey, you've lost your way.”

- Zoe and Harvey, S02E08

Charles Bradley and the Menahan Street Band released “The World (Is Going Up In Flames)” as a vinyl record in 2007. This song plays repeatedly when Harvey’s dealing with emotionally charged situations. It was introduced in the pilot, in the scene where Mike reveals that he “failed . . . to not be awesome,” dances around Harvey’s office with his fingers in his ears, and then pretends to shoot a finger-gun at Harvey’s heart. Harvey pretends to be shot.

Here are some Gordon-related images, such as one of Harvey and Gordon drinking together in S03E06 and one of Gordon’s grave inscription. Harvey left scotch as an offering at the grave in S02E08.

The marijuana-induced conversation, along with gestures and expressions, is from S02E10.

Mike moves to investment banking at the end of season 3 and goes to prison at the end of season 5. He asks to have his wedding at Harvey’s apartment in S06E13. In S07E16 he has his wedding at a hotel and informs Harvey that he has accepted a more socially responsible position in Seattle.

“Harvey, you and me are going [to box]. Right now.”

“No, we're not.”

“Yes, we are. And it's happening whether you like it or not.”

. . .

“Just let it go, Dad.”

“Since when do I do that?”

“Since when were you around not to?”

“Excuse me?”

“I said let it go!”

“I'm not letting it go! You disrespected me, and you disrespected your brother and your mother and our guest. Now, I know something's up with you. I want to know what it is.”

“It's nothing.”

“It's not nothing!”

“Why are you doing this?”

“'Cause there's something wrong with my boy.”

“Something's wrong with me? What about you? How can you not see what is going on under your nose in your own goddamn house?”

“All right, son, stop!”

“I told her to stop, but I shouldn't have had to.”

“It's shouldn't have been me!”

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“You told her to stop what? What was your mother doing?”

“Bobby!”

- Gordon and Harvey, S05E10

“I don’t follow orders, I don’t bend a knee, I win.”

- Harvey, S08E12

Harvey repeatedly tries to make social plans with his coworkers in S8 and often fails. Gabriel Macht highlights this pattern in a recent interview.

Harvey and Robert get drunk at the Machel wedding reception in S08E01.

The scotch-laced phone calls to Mike and Donna occur in S08E13.

Gordon discusses his retirement plans before he finds about Lily’s adultery in S05E10.

Ginger and vanilla are common flavors in Macallan whiskey.

“When I was a kid, my father put me in boxing camp. Middle of summer, 90 degrees. Every day after sparring in that, they'd make you do 100 laps and 50 pull ups. They'd push you until you either threw up or passed out or both. Anyone could leave at any point, all you had to do was quit . . . I quit every goddamn day. I just never said it out loud. Because no way was I going to give them the satisfaction of breaking me.”

- Harvey, S04E11

Bobby attends Gordon’s funeral in S06E12.

Harvey gives up managing partnership semi-willingly in S08E01. The privilege scandal occurs in the last episodes of S8.

“He pretty much said that he was about to lay himself down on the train tracks for you, and he wanted me to help tie him down.”

- Thomas about Harvey, S08E16

Harvey and Donna have sex in S08E16, before Donna and Thomas have ended their relationship. Aaron Korsh clarifies that while a Thomas/Donna break-up scene was filmed, it was cut to preserve the ethical complications of infidelity, in order “to have something to deal with in 9.01 and Season 9 in general.”

#my fic

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empathetixss · 6 years ago

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Margaery Tyrell Verses ( taken from my old blog )

( V: YOU WERE JUST A ROSEBUD ONCE (YOUTH) )

Margaery as a child growing up in Highgarden.

( V: THE GOLDEN ROSE OF HIGHGARDEN )

Margaery as a teenager in Highgarden. (ages 13-14)

( V: LOVELY AS A DAWN (GOT/ACOK) )

Margaery during her marriage to Renly. sub versus: (listed with particular players.)

When Winter met Spring (Robb Stark marries Margaery after Renly dies)

( V: GROWING STRONG EVEN UNDER LION’S CLAWS (ASOS) )

Book Canon. Margaery of House Tyrell. She is gentle and kind, sweet and beloved by the small folk. Recently engaged to one Joffrey Baratheon. She is the QUEEN to be, though the real question is, does she desire it? Verses that are housed under this verse LOTR Verse - Elvish Rose - Mace Tyrell is Half-Elven. He marries a human, Alerie Hightower and chooses the fate of the mortals. His children have the choice as well, His youngest has not chosen her fate yet. Lady Rose - Lady of a keep. Margaery is a mortal, that lives close to Rivendell. (or in some verses Mirkwood)

( V: OF THORNS (AFFC/ADWD) )

During Margaery’s Trial by Faith. She’s held in a tower by the septa’s and The High Sparrow. After the evidence falls away from Margaery, she is released into the custody of Randyll Tarly.

( V: UNE ROSE DANS DE LE NORD )

After House Tyrell falls on the ‘wrong side of history.’ Loras is sent to the Stormlands, Garlan is sent to the vale, and sweet, young, Margaery is sent to the North. On top of all of this, the Tyrell’s must pay a certain amount of gold every year to the crown to keep the children fed. Or so they are told. Margaery wins over House Stark and eventually ends up betrothed to Robb Stark.

( V: WINTER IN OUR BONES )

Margaery is engaged to marry Robb Stark, but it all ends at the Red Wedding. Jon Snow, now Jon Stark, saves her life. (with: @moreastark )

( V: THE FRANKISH ROSE )

Season 2-3: Margaery is the daughter of Frankish King Mace Tyrell. He’s done his best with all three of his sons, now he wants Margaery in on the game. Yet there was a reason she was kept hidden. To keep his kingdom safe Mace was forced to give up his beautiful daughter to King Ragnar. Now in Kattegat, she has to survive.

Season 4B: Margaery is the daughter of a Frankish Lord. She resides in Paris and among Princess Gisla and Duke Rollo's court. She's just a lady in the court, curious about the Viking Raiders among them at the moment.

( V: DRIPPING IN GOLD )

A royalty au currently under construction. (Verse with: halfawolf)

( V: HOIST THE COLOURS )

grim tides/Black Sails/POTC/Pirate!Queen Margaery. Queen of the Pacific, and Agean, The Rose of Highgarden has truly come a long way. From stowing away on a ship as a small child to escape the British Attack on her family, to having her own crew, she’s practically unstoppable. It doesn’t hurt that many of her male counterparts doubt her ability as a pirate captain because she’s a woman. She proves them wrong, Every. Single. Time.

( V: THINGS WE LOST )

From a young age, Margaery was betrothed to Jon Targaryen. The Heir to the Seven Kingdoms. Now, it’s time for them to bring their families together. (w: halfawolf)

V: THINGS WE LOST TO THE FLAME

Jon is exiled and stripped of his title, Margaery is forced to wed another, life is not as she planned it until Jon comes back to her. (w: moreastark)

( V: THE RELUCTANCE OF THE WOLF )

(A WANTED VERSE) Forced into marriage with one another by Lady Olenna and Lady Catelyn’s arrangement. Margaery tries to make the best of her fate. Lady Catelyn is a joy and kind to her. Wonderful in every way. While Robb… Robb is cold to her. Margaery becomes scared that she is trapped in another loveless marriage and struggles to understand her cold & grim husband.

( V: A MODERN ROSE )

Margaery works for her father a respected lawyer in the Tyrell Firm. In her spare time, she paints.

Gangster Lawyer: assilat-vojjor Drogo is a respected Gang leader on trial for a murder he didn’t commit. Margaery is his Lawyer. Our Gentle Sin: astormcrow. Margaery and Daario get close to one another, start an affair. At the same time, he kills people for a living. Crushing them in high heels and pearls: wintersking. Margaery is Robb’s boss. Currently they’re having a torrid affair.

If you let my soul out (it’ll come right back to you.) Reincarnation verse.

The Drifter: Margaery Tyrell runs into Jon Snow while wandering the streets of Paris. & she can’t help but be drawn to him. Little does she know that he is hiding a secret. (w: moreastark)

( V: A COLLEGE ROSE QUEEN )

Margaery is the Youngest of the Tyrell’s. Attending Harvard Law in the fall, Margaery is just trying to make it in a family that vacations in Europe for the hell of it. Mostly she’s just looking for fun.

( V: OBLIVION )

Margaery Tyrell is a British-born scientist, working for the government. She double majored in biology and anthropology. She’s never really thought much of the superhero’s other than the fact that they’ve saved the world. She proud of the work she does and believes in what’s right for the future. That being said, her loyalty is not easily swayed or bought. (Notes for Marvel-verse)

* Recruited by Nick Fury. * Security Level Clearance: 5 (sub verses): Webbed Roses with webheadedhero You Can Keep Your Shield On with buyxwarxbonds Notes for DC verse * Recruited by the Secretary of Defense. * Lived in Metropolis

(V: A LADY IN WAITING (TWQ) )

The White Queen Verse: Margaery is a noble lady. Her family has the symbol of the Golden rose. They are neither York or Lancaster. Tyrell’s are really all for themselves.

( V: A LADY IN WAITING (TUDOR) )

Upon hearing of the death of her beloved cousin Anne, Margaery ventures to King Henry VIII’s court for answers. - She’s managed to ensnare the king in her thorns and finds herself caught as well, because her feelings fro him have grown beyond what she thought they would. (Timeline: Anne of Cleves is queen, but before Kitty Howard meets Henry.) - Anne sent for her cousin before her death and she has been there since her second miscarriage. verse with vivatreginam -Margaery arrives after the death of her cousin Anne, taking in Elizabeth and offering up her home as a place for her. verse with any elizabeth

( V: A ROSE OF FRANCE )

French born, but Spain raised Margaery Tyrell, is brought back to court along with the rest of her family when they hear of Prince Francis’ wedding to Mary Stuart. Of course they are overjoyed and offer their services to the young couple swearing themselves to them. While Margaery’s ambitious grandmother seeks a powerful marriage for Margaery perhaps with a royal of Scotland, Margaery skeeks to get to know the future queen better. Hoping to call her friend one day.

( V: LA BELLE PETITE ROSE )

BBC’s The Musketeers Verse. Margaery is the King’s Cousin, but that doesn’t mean much in France. Serving under Queen Anne as a Lady in Waiting, she is happy with her position. Although, she is intrigued by The Musketeers in the service of the King.

Une Rose de Versailles: A Noble Catholic Lady from the south of france, originally she’s engaged to the Dux De Baratheon known as Joffrey. She’s not very happy with the match, as the man has a reputation for cruelty. She has come to Versailles, when the King moves court from Paris to there. She finds herself a bit more at ease there, she is able to be herself more and be around women other than her future mother-in-law. Her fiance hates it and wishes to return to Paris. She has hope that she might catch the king’s eye, but she knows that women here are everywhere each wanting a piece of the king.

( V: OF IRON THORNS )

Margaery has taken the Iron Throne through her son after the death of her husband. Now she has to keep it. (husband can be Renly, Joffrey, or Tommen.)

( V: THE TALES ARE REAL )

The Original Rose Beauty: Margaery was a noble lady in Snow’s court, but also a friend for Queen Regina until her identity as a Princess and future Queen of her own realm was reviled. Margaery was Aurora’s mother, the first sleeping beauty. Sometimes known as Briar Rose. She tried her best to shield her daughter from the curse but was unable to do so. When the first curse hit, she was swept up and sent to Storybrooke. Living under the curse, she works in the flower shop owned by Moe French. She spends her days doing inventory and ordering new flowers when needed. The day that repeated for 28 years, she would visit the sheriff's station with coffee, and cut flowers in the shop. When Emma came to town, she was curious about the woman who seemed to be hanging around Young Henry but said nothing of it. Sticking to herself and the solitary life the curse forced her to lead. After the curse breaks, every memory is brought back to her. She believes she is without her brothers, her husband, and her daughter in this land without magic and would give anything just to see them again.

( V: LIFE IS WAR )

A modern twist on a love story. Verse with moreastark

( V: A LOYAL KNIGHT )

Athos entered Margaery’s service when she was still married to Joffrey. The sadness that surrounded the man caught her attention and she did everything she could to get him to smile. Little did she know she would fall head over heels in love with the knight. They hide it as best as they can although she would rather be with him than apart from him. (w: dettexhonneur)

( V: DON'T FEAR THE REAPER )

Margaery had gotten out. More than that. She had made a place for herself outside of the MC. Her father had just been the MC's lawyer, it wasn't like she had to be anything to them, right? She could go and do whatever she wanted. That is until, she came home. She came home for a funeral and saw... Him again. Jon. She had been to High School with him. He had been her first everything. She had thought for a while, he would be her everything. Until she grew up. She went to college, became a lawyer, and seeing Jon again, made her feel like a teenage girl. Especially on the back of his bike. Now she's got a choice. Stay, start over with the man she loves, or go back... (verse with: moreastark)

( V: DON’T LET YOURSELF BE HUNTED )

When Margaery was a child she always knew there was something different about her, and her family. She always just thought it was odd that her father could influence those around him with a word, her grandmother’s plants never died, and her brothers… Well, Willas’ super memory and intelligence was next to none, and his ability to seemingly communicate with Animals, Garlan and his super strength, Loras and his agility, she wondered what her powers would be. At nine the voices started. She could hear them even in her sleep, it was all so very loud and overwhelming, she just wanted it to stop, but it didn’t. It just got worse and louder, it wasn’t until later that she learned these voices were not in her head, they were in the heads of others. She also learned that she could feel other’s emotions as well and project her own on them. Margaery harnesses the powers of empathy and telepathy, her grandmother does her best to help her control it.

Her family is heavily involved in the Hellfire club, and Margaery didn’t have much of a choice, but to do the same. She has always admired the X-Men though and is considering switching sides.

( V: IN A LAND OF WONDER )

Margaery Tyrell is visiting the Kingdom of Camelot with her father and brother.

( V: MAGIC AMONG US )

Growing Strong. It’s the Tyrell House motto, it’s also Margaery’s personal mantra. She's a Ravenclaw.

( V: GROW TILL YOU CAN’T ANYMORE )

District Eleven, Margaery, and her family have much knowledge about plants, orchards, and people. When Margaery is picked as a tribute, she proves herself and wins her games… Allowing herself to be taken in by the charms of the capitol like her brother before her. She’s become the favorite of many. Alt verses: Burn it all down - Margaery joins the rebellion.

#( verse drop )#;;rosen queen (margaery tyrell)#( margaery tyrell verses )

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miilenv-archive · 6 years ago

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guess who said that she’d be sleeping but is not... hehe *fingerguns* anyway i’m jared 19 never learnt how to read ( bee, 20, semi-literate ) nd i'm so excited to be bringing this angelic looking devil ! anyway, i hope y'all are ready for a wild ride, this intro's going to be NUTS. death, suicide, miscarriage and age gap tw for everything under the cut — message me if you want the triggerless rundown ! oh, and a huuuuge thank you to @femkelotte for the irina gif icons, i might never have made lenya without the push of having brilliant resources !

&&. announcing her majesty, ( milena yurivič ), the ( 35 ) year old ( queen ) of ( belarus ). she is often confused with ( irina shayk ). some say that she is ( machiavellian & acerbic ), but she is actually ( ambitious & intelligent ).

so this is milena, or lenya if you're a close friend or family member ! she's the queen of belarus, via marriage to her 79-year-old husband ( yuh that’s a 44 year age gap, sue me ). she's also formerly her serene highness, milena maksimovna de bourbon-grimaldi, the princess of monaco & before that, her royal highness milena romanova, princess of russia. so basically, This Bitch has a lot of damn titles.

i'm going to add a few dot points below but trust me when i say that if you read her BIO, STATS & TASK 002 you'll know pretty much everything you need to know.

so she was born may 1, 1984, which makes her 35 ! she's very freshly the czarina of belarus, as in six months in the role, but she's basically born for this, trust me !

her father, maksim, was king mikhail's younger brother, he was married to ekaterina they had a son, nikolai, who was two years older than lenya.

so then it was just lenya and her newborn baby sister, thankfully though, her uncle took them in and they were then raised alongside alexei, valentina, kostya and nadya.

barely a month after his funeral, lenya packed her bags and fleed back to russia, in her grief she just wanted to be at home, with family. she also needed a new plan.

that's another thing: milena always has a plan. you can call it a goal too but she needs the organisation. she lives for having a purpose.

and so, off she went to belarus, and within about a month she was milena yurivič, czarina of belarus. because of the speed of the wedding after henri's death, she's been painted in the media as a black widow.

she's mostly come to dubai to strengthen alliances, mend past hurts and make new alliances that are beneficial to both belarus and russia.

as for her personailty: she's ruthless in her pursuit of what she wants, she's not a very open person and only trusts her family and those who've proven themselves. new friendships are unlikely but she will make alliances.

oh ! and she's based on cersei lannister from game of thrones, which i think explain a lot about her tbh !

okay, that's all i've got for now, but please come and love on my girl ! i've got some wc's for her HERE, there isn't many but i'm happy to brainstorm !

#death tw #miscarriage tw #suicide tw #age gap tw #did i add in shitty vine jokes at 4:30am just bc i could??? yes #º ✧ 。— 𝕗𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣 » about.

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xuesanguo · 7 years ago

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(54.1) Zhōu Yú 周瑜 [Gōngjǐn 公瑾]

Zhōu Yú styled Gōngjǐn was a man of Shū in Lújiāng. His cousin’s grandfather [Zhōu] Jǐng and [Zhōu] Jǐng’s son [Zhōu] Zhōng both were Hàn Grand Commandants. (1) His father [Zhōu] Yì was Magistrate of Luòyáng.

Xiè Chéng’s Hòuhànshū states: [Zhōu] Jǐng styled Zhòngxiàng, when young for his honesty and ability met with praise, for his enlightened learning was nominated as xiàolián ‘filial and incorrupt’, and recruited to the office of the Excellencies. Later he became Inspector of Yùzhōu, recruited Rǔnán’s Chén Fán as Aide-de-Camp, Yǐngchuān’s Lǐ Yīng and Xún Gǔn and Dù Mì, and Pèiguó's Zhū Yù as Advisors, and all of them were the realm Under Heaven’s exceptional scholars. Later he was transferred to Director of the Secretariat, and then ascended to Grand Commandant.

Zhāng Fán’s Hànjì states: [Zhōu] Jǐng‘s father [Zhōu] Róng, during the reigns of [Emperors] Zhāng [Liú Dá] and Hé was Director of the Secretariat. When [Zhōu] Jǐng was first appointed to a province, he was friendly with and favored scholars, every year the nominated xiàolián he invited over, ascending the rear hall, to with his own family people feast together, and this happened several fours of times. He even gifted them utensils, and also selected and employed their junior relatives, always saying: “These ministers are like sons, so why not treat them like this?” Before this, Excellency over the Masses Hán Yǐn was Administrator of Hénèi, in public affairs had no selfish intentions, and to nominate someone he needed only one word and nothing more, but he also did not use his own household, saying: “I could recommend you, but cannot order all favor to be heaped on our one family.” Of the commentators of that time, some ridiculed the two.

Yú when grown had beautiful appearance. Previously, [190] Sūn Jiàn raised righteous troops to punish Dǒng Zhuó, and moved his family to Shū. [Sūn] Jiān’s son [Sūn] Cè and Yú were the same age, were exceptionally friendly with each other, and Yú offered his south side mansion to [Sūn] Cè, ascended the hall to pay respects to his mother, and they shared everything together.

Yú’s cousin’s father [Zhōu] Shàng became Administrator of Dānyáng, Yú went to visit him. At the same time [Sūn] Cè was about to cross eastward, reached Lìyáng, sent hurried letter to Yú, and Yú led troops to join [Sūn] Cè. [Sūn] Cè was greatly pleased and said: “With you, everything will be settled.” Therefore he followed in attacking Héngjiāng, Dānglì, capturing them all. Then they crossed to attack Mòlíng, defeating Zé Róng and Xuē Lǐ, turning to take down Húshú and Jiāngchéng, advancing to enter Qū’ē, and Liú Yáo fled. [Sūn] Cè’s army was already several tens of thousands, so he said to Yú: “I with this army is enough to capture Wú and Kuài[jī] and pacify the Shānyuè. You return to defend Dānyáng.” Yú returned, and shortly afterward Yuán Shù sent his cousin [Yuán] Yǐn to replace [Zhōu] Shàng as Administrator [of Dānyáng], and Yú with [Zhōu] Shàng both returned to Shòuchūn. [Yuán] Shù wished to appoint Yú as a General, but Yú observed that [Yuán] Shù in the end would not be successful, and therefore requested to be Chief of Jūcháo, wishing to secretly return east, and [Yuán] Shù listened to him. Therefore from Jūcháo he returned to Wú. that year was Jiàn’ān third year [198].

[Sūn] Cè personally welcomed Yú, appointing him Establishing Authority Internal-Gentleman-General, with two thousand troops and fifty cavalry. (1)

Jiāngbiǎozhuàn states: [Sūn] Cè also gave Yú drums and pipes, to establish his office, and in bestowments none could compare. [Sūn] Cè’s order said: “Zhōu Gōngjǐn is an outstanding and exceptional talent, my old childhood friend, like my own flesh and bone. Like before at Dānyáng, he set out with army and boats of provisions to aide my great affair, and in discussing virtue and rewarding achievements, this is not yet enough to repay him.”

Yú at the time was twenty years, and in Wú all called him Gentleman Zhōu. Because Yú’s favor and faith was known in Lújiāng, he was sent out to defend Niúzhǔ, and later had office as Chief of Chūngǔ. Shortly afterward, [Sūn] Cè wished to capture Jīngzhōu, and so appointed Yú Central Protector of the Army, wth office as Administrator of Jiāngxià, he followed in attacking Huàn, and captured it.

At the time they obtained Lord Qiáo’s two daughters, and both were exceptional beauties. [Sūn] Cè himself wed the elder Qiáo, and Yú wed the younger Qiáo. (2)

Jiāngbiǎozhuàn states: [Sūn] Cè casually joked with Yú: “Though Lord Qiáo’s two daughters are in exile, with the two of us as husbands, it should be enough to please them.”

He again advanced to Xúnyáng, defeated Liú Xūn, attacked Jiāngxià, returned to settle Yùzhāng and Lúlíng, and remained to defend Bāqiū. (3)

Your Servant Sōngzhī comments: Sūn Cè at the time first obtained Yùzhāng and Lúlíng, and so was not yet able to settle Jiāngxià. Yú’s defense should the present Bāqiū county, not the later [Bāqiū, a different location of the same name, where he died].

Fifth year [200], [Sūn] Cè died, and [Sūn] Quán governed matters. Yú led troops to attend the funeral, and therefore remained at Wú, as the Central Protector of the Army and with Chief Clerk Zhāng Zhāo together controlling all affairs. (1)

Jiāngbiǎozhuàn states: Excellency Cáo had newly defeated Yuán Shào, his military power daily flourished. Jiàn’ān seventh year [202], he sent down letter ordering [Sūn] Quán to send a son as hostage. [Sūn] Quán summoned the various ministers for a conference, and Zhāng Zhāo and Qín Sòng and others were hesitant and could not decide, [Sūn] Quán did not wish to send a hostage, and therefore alone brought Yú to visit his mother to first decide. Yú said: “In the past Chǔ state was first established as a fief beside Jīng mountain, a territory not even a hundred lǐ, but by the succession of the worthy and able, they expanded territory and opened borders, setting foundation at Yǐng, and therefore occupied Jīng and Yáng, reaching the south sea, continuing their enterprise and securing their reign for over nine hundred years. Now you General carry on your father and elder brother’s resources, wielding the army of six commanderies, your troops elite and grain abundant, officers and soldiers obedient to command, you can mine mountains for copper, boil the sea for salt, within the borders is fertile and rich, people do not think of treachery. Riding a boat swiftly, in the morning setting out and in the evening arriving, with troops stalwart and brave, wherever you head you have no match, so what is there to threaten you, to have you wish to send hostage? Just sending one hostage, is enough to become the tail to the Cáo clan’s head, so that if orders summon you then you cannot but go, and then you would be controlled by another. You would have no better than a marquis’s seal, about ten servants, a few carriages, a few horses, and how can that be the same as facing south and declaring sovereignty? It is better to not send, and watch for changes. If the Cáo clan is able to read righteousness to settle the realm Under Heaven, the matter would not be too late, General. If he plots treachery, then war will be like fire, and the careless will burn themselves. You General are valorous and powerful, and so can wait for Heaven’s mandate. What need is there to send hostage?” [Sūn] Quán’s mother said: “Gōngjǐn’s suggestion is right. Gōngjǐn is of the same year as [Sūn Cè] Bófú, only one month younger. I look on him like a son. You should treat him as an elder brother.” Therefore he did not send hostage.

Eleventh year [206], he commanded Sūn Yú and others to attack Má and Bǎo, two camps, killing their chief commanders, capturing over then thousand prisoners, and returned to defend Gōngtíng. Administrator of Jiāngxià Huáng Zǔ sent General Dèng Lóng to command troops of several thousand men to enter Cháisāng, Yú pursued and attacked, capturing alive [Dèng] Lóng and sending him to Wú.

Thirteenth year [208] spring, [Sūn] Quán attacked Jiāngxià, and Yú became the Front Division Chief Commander.

That year ninth moon, Excellency Cáo entered Jīngzhōu, Liú Cóng led his army to surrender, Excellency Cáo obtained their river army, boats and infantry of several hundred thousands. The officers and soldiers heard this and all were afraid. [Sūn] Quán met with his subordinates, and asked for a plan. The commentators all said: “Excellency Cáo is a ferocious tiger, entrusted with title as Hàn’s Chancellor, wielding Heaven’s Son in order to campaign everywhere, and his actions have the Imperial Court as his excuse. Today if we resist him, the matter will be very unfavorable. Moreover your greatest strength and ability to resist [Cáo] Cāo, General, is the Cháng Jiāng. Now [Cáo] Cāo has obtained Jīngzhōu, suddenly possessing its territory. Liú Biǎo’s trained navy, chargers and warships of several thousand, [Cáo] Cāo has it all along the Jiāng, combined with infantry, and by water and land he goes down[stream], so this defense of the Cháng Jiāng, he already has it as much as we do. But our power and army is few, and cannot be compared, so we humbly say the best plan is to submit to him.”

Yú said: “Not so. Though [Cáo] Cāo is entrusted with title as Hàn’s Chancellor, in truth he is Hàn’s traitor. With your divine military and heroic ability, General, wielding your father's and elder brother’s fiercness, you established separate occupation east of the Jiāng, the territory is of several thousand lǐ, troops elite enough to use, heroes pleased to serve, and should sweep across the realm Under Heaven, to remove and destroy the evil from the Hàn house. Moreover [Cáo] Cāo is coming to his own doom, so how can we submit to him? I ask to suggest this to you General: Now is the north already secure, so that [Cáo] Cāo has no internal worries, is able to remain long, and when coming to contest the borders, is able to with us decide victory or defeat aboard ships and among oars? Now the northern territories is not yet pacified, and moreover Mǎ Chāo and Hán Suì are still west of the Passes, serving as a worry to [Cáo] Cāo’s rear. Moreover he has given up his saddled horses, to use boats and oars, to contest dominance with Wú and Yuè, which is not the central states’ strength. Also now it is exceedingly cold, the horses have no hay, he has driven the armies of the central states far among the rivers and lakes, who are not accustomed to the water and soil, and there will certainly be sickness. These four points, are reasons against using troops, but [Cáo] Cāo ignores all of them to go. General the time for you to capture [Cáo] Cāo is today. I ask for elite troops of thirty thousand men, to advance to occupy Xiàkǒu, to defend and defeat them for you General.”

[Sūn] Quán said: “The old traitor has long wished to overthrow the Hàn and establish himself, but did not only because he feared the two Yuán, Lǚ Bù, Liú Biǎo, and myself. Now the other powerful figures are already destroyed, and only I remain. I and the old traitor, we two cannot exist together. Your advice to attack, is deeply in agreement with my wish. This is Heaven bestowing you to assist me.” (1)

Jiāngbiǎozhuàn states: [Sūn] Quán drew his single-edged sword and chopped the table in front of him and said: “The officers and officials who dare again advise submitting to [Cáo] Cāo, will be dealt with the same as this table!” When the meeting was dismissed, that night yú asked to meet and said: “The others saw [Cáo] Cāo’s letter, saying his navy and army were eight hundred thousand, and so were all terrified, not considering its accuracy, quickly making their proposal [to submit], and this is deeply without meaning. Now considering its accuracy, the others men from the central states, cannot be more than one hundred fifty to sixty thousand, and moreover their army is already weary. Their gain of [Liú] Biǎo’s army, also at most could only be seventy or eight thousand, and must harbor doubts. With tired and ill troops, and a doubtful army, though their numbers are many, they are very much nothing to fear. With elite troops of fifty thousand, it would be enough to deal with them. May you not worry General.” [Sūn] Quán rubbed his back and said: “Gōngjǐn, your words thus far are deeply in agreement with my heart. [Zhāng Zhāo] Zǐbù and [Qín Sòng] Wénbiǎo and the others, each consider their wives and children, focus on their private worries, and deeply fail my hopes. Only you and [Lǔ Sù] Zǐjìng agree with me. This is Heaven giving you two to support me. Fifty thousand troops is difficult to gather, but I have already picked thirty thousand, the boats and provisions and war equipment already prepared. You and [Lǔ Sù] Zǐjìng and Lord Chéng [Pǔ] will set out at the front, and I will follow with an army, greatly transporting supplies and provisions, to be your rear support. You are certainly able to manage things, but if by chance it is not as you hope, then return to join me, and I will settle things with [Cáo Cāo] Mèngdé.”

Your Servant Sōngzhī believes the plan to resist Excellency Cáo was truly first made by Lǔ Sù. At the time Zhōu Yú was sent to Póyáng, [Lǔ] Sù urged [Sūn] Quán to call for Yú, and Yú from Póyáng returned. but with [Lǔ] Sù agreed, and therefore they were able to together accomplish a great achievement. The base biography says [Sūn] Quán met with his subordinates, and asked for a plan, and Yú separated from the suggestions of everyone else, along advising a plan for resistance, and does not say that [Lǔ] S`¨first had the plan, perhaps to reject [Lǔ] Sù’s goodness.

At the time Liú Bèi was by Excellency Cáo defeated, and wished to go south across the Jiāng, encountered Lǔ Sù at Dāngyáng, and therefore made plans together, and so advanced to occupy Xiàkǒu, sending Zhūgě Liàng to visit [Sūn] Quán, and [Sūn] Quán therefore sent Yú and Chéng Pǔ and others to join forces with [Liú] Bèi to oppose Excellency Cáo, encountering him at Chìbì. At the time Excellency Cáo’s army already had illness, and in the first battle, the Excellency’s army was defeated and retreated, and withdrew to the Jiāng’s north side. Yú and the rest were on the southern bank. Yú’s subordinate General Huáng Gài said: “Now the enemy is many and we are few, and it is difficult to resist for long. But observing [Cáo] Cāo’s army the ships are joined head to tail, and can be burned to make them flee.” Therefore he gathered chargers and warships of several tens, filled with firewood and grass, moistened with oil and pour inside, bound with heavy curtains, setting up ivory banners. First he sent letter to Excellency Cáo, falsely claiming he wished to surrender. (1) He also prepared barges, each fastened a great boat, and so all went forward.

Jiāngbiǎozhuàn records [Huáng] Gài’s letter: “I received the Sūn clan’s generous favor, always serving as their commander, and this has not decreased. But considering that the realm Under Heaven’s matters have great power, and using the Jiāng’s east’s six commanderies' Shānyuè people, to resist the central states’ army of millions, the army is few and no match, and all within the seas can also see it. The east’s officers and officials, whether foolish or wise, all know this is impossible, but only Zhōu Yú and Lǔ Sù are shallow and stupid, and do not understand. Today I submit, because of this honest consideration. What Yú commands is easy to break and destroy. On the day of battle, I will be the front division, and will to at the right situation change sides, to put into your effect your orders from the inside.” Excellency Cáo specially met with the messenger, and secretly asked him, orally commanding him: “Though I fear you are only cheating me, if [Huáng] Gài is trustworthy, then the ranks and rewards he will receive will surpass all others before and after.”

Excellency Cáo’s army’s officials and soldiers all craned their necks to watch, pointed and said [Huáng] Gài was surrendering. [Huáng] Gài released all the boats, at the same time setting fire. At the time the wind was strong and fierce, and helping extend the burning of the river bank’s camps to nothing. Shortly after, the smoke and flame reached the sky, the men and horses burned and drowned and dead were very many, the army therefore was defeated and fled, and returned to defend Nánjùn. (2) [Liú] Bèi with Yú and the others again together pursued. Excellency Cáo left Cáo Rén and others to defend Jīanglíng city, and quickly himself returned north.

Jiāngbiǎozhuàn states: On the battle day, [Huáng] Gài first gathered ten large light warships, carrying dry reads and firewood stored inside, poured with fish oil, with red curtains covering it, and set up banners and dragon flags atop the warships. At the time the southeastern wind was pressing hard, and so the ten warships were at the front most, and in the middle of the Jiāng they raised their sails, [Huáng] Gài raised a signal fire to inform all his officers, to have the army soldiers all greatly shout together: “We surrender.” [Cáo] Cāo’s army men all left camp to go look. When they were two lǐ away from the northern army, at the same time they set fire, the fire was fierce in the ferocious wind, and the ships went like arrows, flying dust blocking out light, and completely burned the northern ships, reaching up to the shore’s camps and wood. Yú and the rest led light elite troops to follow afterward, with thundering drums greatly advanced, the northern army was greatly broken, and Excellency Cáo retreated and fled.

Yú with Chéng Pǔ also advanced to Nánjùn, opposed [Cáo] Rén, on each side of the great Jiāng. The troops had not yet crossed lances, (1) and Yú promptly sent Gān Níng ahead to occupy Yílíng.

Wúlù states: [Liú] Bèi said to Yú: “[Cáo] Rén defends Jīanglíng city, and inside the city provisions are many, enough to be a concern. I will send Zhāng [Fēi] Yìdé to command a thousand men to accompany you, and you divide two thousand men to follow me, and together we will follow the Xià river to cut off [Cáo] Rén’s rear. [Cáo] Rén will hear we have arrived and certainly flee.” Yú gave him two thousand men.

[Cáo] Rén divided his troops and cavalry to attack and besiege [Gān] Níng. [Gān] Níng reported emergency to Yú. Yú used Lǚ Méng’s plan, leaving Líng Tǒng to defend their rear, while personally with [Lǚ] Méng going up to rescue [Gān] Níng. [Gān] Níng’s besiegement was relieved, and therefore they crossed to garrison the north bank, and set a time for a great battle. Yú personally rode horse on the front lines, and was by a stray arrow hit in the right side. The wound was deep, and so he returned. Later [Cáo] Rén heard Yú was lying and could not rise, and readied troops in battle lines. Yú therefore rose, inspected the army camps, encouraging the officials and troops, and [Cáo] Rén because of this then retreated.

[Sūn] Quán appointed Yú as Supporting General, with office as Administrator of Nánjùn, with Xiàjuàn, Hànchāng, Liúyáng, and Zhōulíng as his supporting fief, and garrison at Jīanglíng. Liú Bèi as General of the Left took office as Governor of Jīngzhōu, governing at Gōng’ān. [Liú] Bèi visited their capital to meet [Sūn] Quán, and Yú sent up memorial: “Liú Bèi has the disposition of a ruthless and formidable person, and has bear and tiger Generals Guān Yǔ and Zhāng Fēi, and certainly will not long submit to serve another. I humbly say the best plan is to move [Liú] Bèi to Wú, build for him a palace, give him many beautiful woman to play with, to amuse his ears and eyes, divide the other two, each to one place, and send someone like me to command them to battle, and so the great undertakign can be settled. Now if territory is divided to give him a foundation, and these three are allowed to gather on our border, I fear it is like a rain dragon reaching the clouds, to never again be constrained to a pool.”

[Sūn] Quán because Excellency Cáo was to the north thought it appropriate to gathr and support heroes, and also feared [Liú] Bèi would be difficult to control, and therefore did not accept.

At the time Liú Zhāng was Governor of Yìzhōu, outside Zhāng Lǔ was invading and encroaching, so Yú therefore visited the capital to meet [Sūn] Quán and said: “Now Cáo Cāo is newly beaten, because he had concerns on the inside, and was net yet able to fully with you General face troops to decide matters. I ask to with [General] Exerting Authority [Sūn Yú] to together advance to capture Shǔ, after obtaining Shǔ conquer Zhāng Lǔ, and then leave [General] Exerting Authority to firmly defend the territory, and form alliance with Mǎ Chāo. I will return to with you General capture Xiāngyáng to distress [Cáo] Cāo, and the north can be taken.” [Sūn] Quán permitted this.

Yú returned to Jiānglíng, made preparations to go, but on the road at Bāqiū fell ill and died, (1) at the time aged thirty six years.

Your Servant Sōngzhī comments: Yú wished to capture Shǔ, returned to Jiānglíng to make preparations, so the place that he died, should be the present Bālíng. The previous Bāqiū he defended was of the same name but a different place.

[Sūn] Quán wore mourning clothes and led mourning, emotionally moving his attendants. The body was returned to Wú for the funeral, and he welcomed it at Wúhú, and all the costs and expenses, he completely supplied. Later he set out order that said: “Former Generals Zhōu Yú and Chéng Pǔ, of their people and retainers, all are not to be asked [for taxes].”

Previously Yú met with friendship from [Sūn] Cè, and [Sūn Cè’s mother] the Grand Consort also had [Sūn] Quán treat him as an elder brother. At the time when [Sūn] Quán's rank became a General, the various officers and retainers in their ritual courtesy were simple, but Yú alone was first to be of utmost veneration, to then cause the other ministers to follow. By nature he was very open, and almost everyone he won over, only with Chéng Pǔ were they not friendly. (2)

Jiāngbiǎozhuàn states:

[Chéng] Pǔ relied on being older, to repeatedly insult Yú. Yú humbly deferred to him, and to the end would not bicker with him. [Chéng] Pǔ later himself admired and became close with him, and therefore informed others: “Dealing with Zhōu Gōngjǐn is like drinking strong liquor. Without noticing you intoxicate yourself.” People at the time thus knew his modest deference in treating others was like this.

Previously Excellency Cáo heard Yú was young but had great talent, and believed someone could be sent to persuade and recruit him, and therefore he secretly sent down message to Yángzhōu, sending Jiǔjiāng’s Jiǎng Gàn to go meet Yú. [Jiǎng] Gàn had good bearing, and for his ability in debate met with praise, alone he walked among the Jiāng and Huái, and none could match him. Therefore in plain clothes and hemp head cloth, he went privately to visit Yú. Yú went out to welcome him, and said to [Jiǎng] Gàn: “Zǐyì you have gone through much hardship, have you distantly crossed the rivers and lakes to be a lobbyist for the Cáo?” [Jiǎng] Gàn said: "I and you sir are of the same province region, but have been separated, and from afar I heard of your fragrant reputation, and therefore came to chat broadly, and also observe your elegant conduct, but you say I am a lobbyist, why be so suspicious?” Yú said: “Though I do not match Kuí or Kuàng, I can hear tones, and that is enough to know your intentions.” Therefore he kept [Jiǎng] Gàn inside, preparing drink and food. When it was finished, he sent him off saying: “Right now I have secret matters, so for the time being go out to stay in the nearby building. When the matter is finished, we can again be close.” After three days, Yú invited [Jiǎng] Gàn to together tour the inside of the camps, and when the inspections of the storehouses and military supplies and weapons finished, they returned to drink, showing him the clothes and treasures bestowed on him, and therefore said to [Jiǎng] Wèi: “A man in this world, when encountering and knowing his master, outside must be faithful to the righteousness between ruler and minister, and inside hold to the kindness of one’s flesh and bone [kin]. In words and actions plan on following, sharing with him disaster and fortune. Supposing if [the great diplomats] Sū [Qín] or [Zhāng] Yì were alive again, or elder Lì again about, I would just pat their backs and discount their words, so how could you sir with your youth be enough to move me?” [Jiǎng] Gàn only laughed, and to the end did not say anything. [Jiǎng] Gàn returned, praised Yù as magnanimous with high character, and not someone to be persuaded by words. The scholars of the central provinces also because of this admired him.

When Liú Bèi was leaving the capital to go back, [Sūn] Quán rode a fast and large boat, with Zhāng Zhāo, Qín Sōng, Lǔ Sù, and others of over ten men together sent him off, and had a great feast to say farewell. [Zhāng] Zhāo and [Lǔ] Sù and the others first departed, and [Sūn] Quán alone with [Liú] Bèi remained to talk, and therefore as [Liú Bèi] talked he sighed about Yú and said: “Gōngjǐn’s civil and military ability, is outstanding beyond countless others, and considering his ability is so great, I only fear he will not long be a servant of another.” When Yú defeated the Wèi army, Excellency Cáo said: “I am not ashamed to have retreated.” Later he wrote letter to [Sūn] Quán that said: “At the Chìbì campaign, it happened that there was disease, so I burned ships and myself retreated, and unexpectedly caused Zhōu Yú to falsely obtain this reputation.” Yú’s authority and prestige was distantly known, and therefore Excellency Cáo and Liú Bèi both wished to slander him to cause doubt of him.

When he died, [Sūn] Quán wept and said: “Gōngjǐn had the ability to assist rulers, now that he has died young, on whom can I rely on?” Later [Sūn] Quán claimed Imperial Title, and said to his Excellencies and Ministers: “If I had not had Zhōu Gōngjǐn, I would not be Emperor.”

Yú when young was exceptionally good with music, and even after three goblets, if there was an error, Yú was certain to know it, and knowing it certain to turn to it, and therefore people of the time had a rhyme: “When the music errs, Gentleman Zhōu turns.”

Yú had two sons and one daughter. The daughter was wed to Heir-Apparent [Sūn] Dēng. The son [Zhōu] Xún was bestowed a princess [in marriage], appointed Cavalry Commandant, had Yú’s manner, and died young. [Zhōu] Xún’s younger brother [Zhōu] Yìn, first was appointed Raising Enterprise Commandant, wed a daughter of the Imperial Clan, received a thousand troops, garrisoning Gōng’ān. Huánlóng first year [229] he was given fief as Marquis of Dū village. Later for a crime he was exiled to Lúlíng commandery.

Chìwū second year [239], Zhūgě Jǐn, Bù Zhì together signed and sent up petition that said: “Former General Zhōu Yú’s son Yìn, in the past was immersed in favor and adornment, receiving title as a General, but could not maintain this fortune, think of establishing achievement and efficacy, instead acting by his own wishes, quickly bringing upon himself punishment. We your servants humbly believe Yú in the past met with favor and appointment, entering to serve as heart and backbone [trusted aide], going out to serve as claws and teeth [battlefield fighter], receiving orders to go out on campaign, personally facing arrows and stones, with his utmost integrity following commands, facing death without fear. Therefore he was able to defeat Cáo Cāo at Wūlín, drive away Cáo Rén at Yǐngdū [Jiānglíng], raise up the state’s prestige and virtue, so that the central plains were shaken. He suppressed the Jīng region, so none did not submit. Even Zhōu’s Fāngshū or Hàn’s [Hán] Xìn and [Yīng] Bù truly cannot be honored as better. The servants for striking and defending against trouble, since ancient times there were no rulers who did not heavily value them, and therefore Hàn Gāo-dì [Liú Bāng] when bestowing fiefs made the Oath: “Even if the Yellow River changed course, or Tài Mountain were ground down, if the state is still preserved, then your descendants will continue,” and extended to them a Red Letter [to pardon any crime], heavily swore oath [with a white horse’s blood], stored it in the Ancestral Temples, to pass down without end, wishing to allow the meritorious ministers’ descendants, to from generation to generation succeed after each other, and when there were no direct posterity, then search for other descendants, in order to repay virtues and to make known achievements, industriously and sincerely, and it went so far as this, out of a wish to encourage later people, to be servants following commands, who face death without regrets. Moreover Yú has not been gone for very long, but his son [Zhōu] Yìn has been demoted to commoner, and this is increasingly lamentable and tragic. We humbly ask Your majesty to personally illuminate and study the ancients, to greatly restore succession, and call [Zhōu] Yìn to return, and beg you to forgive his remaining crimes, return his troops and restore his title, so that a rooster that missed a morning, can again be able to crow, and allow guilty ministers, to afterward exert themselves in action.”

[Sūn] Quán answered: “My stomach and heart [trusted aide] with old achievements, who joined with me in matters, that was Gōngjǐn, and I truly do not forget him. In the past Yìn was young, and in the beginning had no achievements, yet received elite troops, was titled as a marquis and general, all because the remembrance of Gōngjǐn was passed onto [Zhōu] Yìn. But [Zhōu] Yìn relied on this, was drunk and wanton and without restraint, and though from beginning to end was warned, he never reformed or changed. My feelings for Gōngjǐn are the same as you two, and would be happy for [Zhōu] Yìn to succeed, how can this not be the case? Because [Zhōu] Yìn’s crimes, it is not yet suitable to bring him back, and moreover I wish to have him go through hardship, to allow him to be self aware and that is all. Now you two sirs sincerely cite Hàn Gāo’s River and Mountain Oath, and I because of it am ashamed. Though my virtue is not at that level, yet my wishes are similar, but the matter had become like this, and therefore I cannot yet follow your wish. Because he is Gōngjǐn’s son, and with you two as intermediaries, if he can be reformed, then what is there to worry?”

[Zhūgě] Jǐn and [Bù] Zhì repeatedly sent this up, and Zhū Rán and Quán Cóng also joined in begging, and [Sūn] Quán therefore permitted it. It happened that [Zhōu] Yìn fell ill and died.

Yú’s elder brother’s son Jùn, also because of Yú’s foundational achievement became Supporting General, with command of a thousand officials and soldiers. Jùn died, and Quán Cóng memorialized Jùn’s son Hù as General. [Sūn] Quán said: “in the past driving away Cáo Cāo, expanding into Jīngzhōu, all was because of Gōngjǐn, and I will never forget him. When I first heard Jùn had died, I had wished to appoint Hù, but heard Hù in nature and conduct is dangerous, and employing him would lead to disaster, and therefore stopped. I miss Gōngjǐn, how can it be otherwise?”

周瑜字公瑾，廬江舒人也。從祖父景，景子忠，皆為漢太尉〔一〕。父異，洛陽令。　　〔一〕　謝承後漢書曰：景字仲嚮，少以廉能見稱，以明學察孝廉，辟公府。後為豫州刺史，辟汝南陳蕃為別駕，潁川李膺、荀緄、杜密、沛國朱寓為從事，皆天下英俊之士也。稍遷至尚書令，遂登太尉。張璠漢紀曰：景父榮，章、和世為尚書令。初景歷位牧守，好善愛士，每歲舉孝廉，延請入，上後堂，與家人宴會，如此者數四。及贈送既備，又選用其子弟，常稱曰：「移臣作子，於政何有？」先是，司徒韓縯為河內太守，在公無私，所舉一辭而已，後亦不及其門戶，曰：「我舉若可矣，不令恩偏稱一家也。」當時論者，或兩譏焉。　　瑜長壯有姿貌。初，孫堅興義兵討董卓，徙家於舒。堅子策與瑜同年，獨相友善，瑜推道南大宅以舍策，升堂拜母，有無通共。瑜從父尚為丹楊太守，瑜往省之。會策將東渡，到歷陽，馳書報瑜，瑜將兵迎策。策大喜曰：「吾得卿，諧也。」遂從攻橫江、當利，皆拔之。乃渡擊秣陵，破笮融、薛禮，轉下湖孰、江乘，進入曲阿，劉繇奔走，而策之眾已數萬矣。因謂瑜曰：「吾以此眾取吳會平山越已足。卿還鎮丹楊。」瑜還。頃之，袁術遣從弟胤代尚為太守，而瑜與尚俱還壽春。術欲以瑜為將，瑜觀術終無所成，故求為居巢長，欲假塗東歸，術聽之。遂自居巢還吳。是歲，建安三年也。策親自迎瑜，授建威中郎將，即與兵二千人，騎五十匹。〔一〕瑜時年二十四，吳中皆呼為周郎。以瑜恩信著於廬江，出備牛渚，後領春穀長。頃之，策欲取荊州，以瑜為中護軍，領江夏太守，從攻皖，拔之。時得橋公兩女，皆國色也。策自納大橋，瑜納小橋。〔二〕復進尋陽，破劉勳，討江夏，還定豫章、廬陵，留鎮巴丘。〔三〕　　〔一〕　江表傳曰：策又給瑜鼓吹，為治館舍，贈賜莫與為比。策令曰：「周公瑾英雋異才，與孤有總角之好，骨肉之分。如前在丹楊，發眾及船糧以濟大事，論德酬功，此未足以報者也。」　　〔二〕　江表傳曰：策從容戲瑜曰：「橋公二女雖流離，得吾二人作婿，亦足為歡。」　　〔三〕　臣松之案：孫策于時始得豫章、廬陵，尚未能得定江夏。瑜之所鎮，應在今巴丘縣也，與後所（平）〔卒〕巴丘處不同。　　五年，策薨，權統事。瑜將兵赴喪，遂留吳，以中護軍與長史張昭共掌眾事。〔一〕十一年，督孫瑜等討麻、保二屯，梟其渠帥，囚俘萬餘口，還備（官亭）〔宮亭〕。江夏太守黃祖遣將鄧龍將兵數千人入柴桑，瑜追討擊，生虜龍送吳。十三年春，權討江夏，瑜為前部大督。　　〔一〕　江表傳曰：曹公新破袁紹，兵威日盛，建安七年，下書責權質任子。權召群臣會議，張昭、秦松等猶豫不能決，權意不欲遣質，乃獨將瑜詣母前定議，瑜曰：「昔楚國初封於荊山之側，不滿百里之地，繼嗣賢能，廣土開境，立基於郢，遂據荊楊，至於南海，傳業延祚，九百餘年。今將軍承父兄餘資，兼六郡之眾，兵精糧多，將士用命，鑄山為銅，煮海為鹽，境內富饒，人不思亂，汎舟舉帆，朝發夕到，士風勁勇，所向無敵，有何偪迫，而欲送質？質一入，不得不與曹氏相首尾，與相首尾，則命召不得不往，便見制於人也。極不過一侯印，僕從十餘人，車數乘，馬數匹，豈與南面稱孤同哉？不如勿遣，徐觀其變。若曹氏能率義以正天下，將軍事之未晚。若圖為暴亂，兵猶火也，不戢將自焚。將軍韜勇抗威，以待天命，何送質之有！」權母曰：「公瑾議是也。公瑾與伯符同年，小一月耳，我視之如子也，汝其兄事之。」遂不送質。　　其年九月，曹公入荊州，劉琮舉眾降，曹公得其水軍，船步兵數十萬，將士聞之皆恐。權延見群下，問以計策。議者咸曰：「曹公豺虎也，然託名漢相，挾天子以征四方，動以朝廷為辭，今日拒之，事更不順。且將軍大勢，可以拒操者，長江也。今操得荊州，奄有其地，劉表治水軍，蒙衝鬥艦，乃以千數，操悉浮以沿江，兼有步兵，水陸俱下，此為長江之險，已與我共之矣。而勢力眾寡，又不可論。愚謂大計不如迎之。」瑜曰：「不然。操雖託名漢相，其實漢賊也。將軍以神武雄才，兼仗父兄之烈，割據江東，地方數千里，兵精足用，英雄樂業，尚當橫行天下，為漢家除殘去穢。況操自送死，而可迎之邪？請為將軍籌之：今使北土已安，操無內憂，能曠日持久，來爭疆埸，又能與我校勝負於船楫（可）〔閒〕乎？今北土既未平安，加馬超、韓遂尚在關西，為操後患。且舍鞍馬，仗舟楫，與吳越爭衡，本非中國所長。又今盛寒，馬無藁草，驅中國士眾遠涉江湖之閒，不習水土，必生疾病。此數四者，用兵之患也，而操皆冒行之。將軍禽操，宜在今日。瑜請得精兵三萬人，進住夏口，保為將軍破之。」權曰：「老賊欲廢漢自立久矣，徒忌二袁、呂布、劉表與孤耳。今數雄已滅，惟孤尚存，孤與老賊，勢不兩立。君言當擊，甚與孤合，此天以君授孤也。」〔一〕　　〔一〕　江表傳曰：權拔刀斫前奏案曰：「諸將吏敢復有言當迎操者，與此案同！」及會罷之夜，瑜請見曰：「諸人徒見操書，言水步八十萬，而各恐懾，不復料其虛實，便開此議，甚無謂也。今以實校之，彼所將中國人，不過十五六萬，且軍已久疲，所得表眾，亦極七八萬耳，尚懷狐疑。夫以疲病之卒，御狐疑之眾，眾數雖多，甚未足畏。得精兵五萬，自足制之，願將軍勿慮。」權撫背曰：「公瑾，卿言至此，甚合孤心。子布、文表諸人，各顧妻子，挾持私慮，深失所望，獨卿與子敬與孤同耳，此天以卿二人贊孤也。五萬兵難卒合，已選三萬人，船糧戰具俱辦，卿與子敬、程公便在前發，孤當續發人眾，多載資糧，為卿後援。卿能辦之者誠決，邂逅不如意，便還就孤，孤當與孟德決之。」臣松之以為建計拒曹公，實始魯肅。于時周瑜使鄱陽，肅勸權呼瑜，瑜使鄱陽還，但與肅闇同，故能共成大勳。本傳直云，權延見群下，問以計策，瑜擺撥眾人之議，獨言抗拒之計，了不云肅先有謀，殆為攘肅之善也。　　時劉備為曹公所破，欲引南渡江，與魯肅遇於當陽，遂共圖計，因進住夏口，遣諸葛亮詣權，權遂遣瑜及程普等與備并力逆曹公，遇於赤壁。時曹公軍眾已有疾病，初一交戰，公軍敗退，引次江北。瑜等在南岸。瑜部將黃蓋曰：「今寇眾我寡，難與持久。然觀操軍船艦首尾相接，可燒而走也。」乃取蒙衝鬥艦數十艘，實以薪草，膏油灌其中，裹以帷幕，上建牙旗，先書報曹公，欺以欲降。〔一〕又豫備走舸，各繫大船後，因引次俱前。曹公軍吏士皆延頸觀望，指言蓋降。蓋放諸船，同時發火。時風盛猛，悉延燒岸上營落。頃之，煙炎張天，人馬燒溺死者甚眾，軍遂敗退，還保南郡。〔二〕備與瑜等復共追。曹公留曹仁等守江陵城，徑自北歸。　　〔一〕　江表傳載蓋書曰：「蓋受孫氏厚恩，常為將帥，見遇不薄。然顧天下事有大勢，用江東六郡山越之人，以當中國百萬之眾，眾寡不敵，海內所共見也。東方將吏，無有愚智，皆知其不可，惟周瑜、魯肅偏懷淺戇，意未解耳。今日歸命，是其實計。瑜所督領，自易摧破。交鋒之日，蓋為前部，當因事變化，效命在近。」曹公特見行人，密問之，口敕曰：「但恐汝詐耳。蓋若信實，當授爵賞，超於前後也。」　　〔二〕　江表傳曰：至戰日，蓋先取輕利艦十舫，載燥荻枯柴積其中，灌以魚膏，赤幔覆之，建旌旗龍幡於艦上。時東南風急，因以十艦最著前，中江舉帆，蓋舉火白諸校，使眾兵齊聲大叫曰：「降焉！」操軍人皆出營立觀。去北軍二里餘，同時發火，火烈風猛，往船如箭，飛埃絕爛，燒盡北船，延及岸邊營柴。瑜等率輕銳尋繼其後，雷鼓大進，北軍大壞，曹公退走。　　瑜與程普又進南郡，與仁相對，各隔大江。兵未交鋒，〔一〕瑜即遣甘寧前據夷陵。仁分兵騎別攻圍寧。寧告急於瑜。瑜用呂蒙計，留淩統以守其後，身與蒙上救寧。寧圍既解，乃渡屯北岸，克期大戰。瑜親跨馬擽陳，會流矢中右脅，瘡甚，便還。後仁聞瑜臥未起，勒兵就陳。瑜乃自興，案行軍營，激揚吏士，仁由是遂退。　　〔一〕　吳錄曰：備謂瑜云：「仁守江陵城，城中糧多，足為疾害。使張益德將千人隨卿，卿分二千人追我，相為從夏水人截仁後，仁聞吾入必走。」瑜以二千人益之。　　權拜瑜偏將軍，領南郡太守。以下雋、漢昌、劉陽、州陵為奉邑，屯據江陵。劉備以左將軍領荊州牧，治公安。備詣京見權，瑜上疏曰：「劉備以梟雄之姿，而有關羽、張飛熊虎之將，必非久屈為人用者。愚謂大計宜徙備置吳，盛為築宮室，多其美女玩好，以娛其耳目，分此二人，各置一方，使如瑜者得挾與攻戰，大事可定也。今猥割土地以資業之，聚此三人，俱在疆埸，恐蛟龍得雲雨，終非池中物也。」權以曹公在北方，當廣攬英雄，又恐備難卒制，故不納。　　是時劉璋為益州牧，外有張魯寇侵，瑜乃詣京見權日：「今曹操新折衄，方憂在腹心，未能與將軍連兵相事也。乞與奮威俱進取蜀，得蜀而并張魯，因留奮威固守其地，好與馬超結援。瑜還與將軍據襄陽以蹙操，北方可圖也。」權許之。瑜還江陵，為行裝，而道於巴丘病卒，〔一〕時年三十六。權素服舉哀，感動左右。喪當還吳，又迎之蕪湖，眾事費度，一為供給。後著令曰：「故將軍周瑜、程普，其有人客，皆不得問。」初瑜見友於策，太妃又使權以兄奉之。是時權位為將軍，諸將賓客為禮尚簡，而瑜獨先盡敬，便執臣節。性度恢廓，大率為得人，惟與程普不睦。〔二〕　　〔一〕　臣松之案，瑜欲取蜀，還江陵治嚴，所卒之處，應在今之巴陵，與前所鎮巴丘，名同處異也。　　〔二〕　江表傳曰：普頗以年長，數陵侮瑜。瑜折節容下，終不與校。普後自敬服而親重之，乃告人曰：「與周公瑾交，若飲醇醪，不覺自醉。」時人以其謙讓服人如此。初曹公聞瑜年少有美才，謂可游說動也，乃密下揚州，遣九江蔣幹往見瑜。幹有儀容，以才辯見稱，獨步江、淮之間，莫與為對。乃布衣葛巾，自託私行詣瑜。瑜出迎之，立謂幹曰：「子翼良苦，遠涉江湖為曹氏作說客邪？」幹曰：「吾與足下州里，中間別隔，遙聞芳烈，故來敘闊，并觀雅規，而云說客，無乃逆詐乎？」瑜曰：「吾雖不及夔、曠，聞弦賞音，足知雅曲也。」因延幹入，為設酒食。畢，遣之曰：「適吾有密事，且出就館，事了，別自相請。」後三日，瑜請幹與周觀營中，行視倉庫軍資器仗訖，還宴飲，示之侍者服飾珍玩之物，因謂幹曰：「丈夫處世，遇知己之主，外託君臣之義，內結骨肉之恩，言行計從，禍福共之，假使蘇張更生，酈叟復出，猶撫其背而折其辭，豈足下幼生所能移乎？」幹但笑，終無所言。幹還，稱瑜雅量高致，非言辭所閒。中州之士，亦以此多之。劉備之自京還也，權乘飛雲大船，與張昭、秦松、魯肅等十餘人共追送之，大宴會敘別。昭、肅等先出，權獨與備留語，因言次，歎瑜曰：「公瑾文武籌略，萬人之英，顧其器量廣大，恐不久為人臣耳。」瑜之破魏軍也，曹公曰：「孤不羞走。」後書與權曰：「赤壁之役，值有疾病，孤燒船自退，橫使周瑜虛獲此名。」瑜威聲遠著，故曹公、劉備咸欲疑譖之。及卒，權流涕曰：「公瑾有王佐之資，今忽短命，孤何賴哉！」後權稱尊號，謂公卿曰：「孤非周公瑾，不帝矣。」　　瑜少精意於音樂，雖三爵之後，其有闕誤，瑜必知之，知之必顧，故時人謠曰：「曲有誤，周郎顧。」　　瑜兩男一女。女配太子登。男循尚公主，拜騎都尉，有瑜風，早卒。循弟胤，初拜興業都尉，妻以宗女，授兵千人，屯公安。黃龍元年，封都鄉侯，後以罪徒廬陵郡。赤烏二年，諸葛瑾、步騭連名上疏曰：「故將軍周瑜子胤，昔蒙粉飾，受封為將，不能養之以福，思立功效，至縱情Q欲Y，招速罪辟。臣竊以瑜昔見寵任，入作心膂，出為爪牙，銜命出征，身當矢石，盡節用命，視死如歸，故能摧曹操於烏林，走曹仁於郢都，揚國威德，華夏是震，蠢爾蠻荊，莫不賓服，雖周之方叔，漢之信、布，誠無以尚也。夫折衝扞難之臣，自古帝王莫不貴重，故漢高帝封爵之誓曰『使黃河如帶，太山如礪，國以永存，爰及苗裔』；申以丹書，重以盟詛，藏于宗廟，傳於無窮，欲使功臣之後，世世相踵，非徒子孫，乃關苗裔，報德明功，勤勤懇懇，如此之至，欲以勸戒後人，用命之臣，死而無悔也。況於瑜身沒未久，而其子胤降為匹夫，益可悼傷。竊惟陛下欽明稽古，隆於興繼，為胤歸訴，乞匄餘罪，還兵復爵，使失旦之雞，復得一鳴，抱罪之臣，展其後效。」權答曰：「腹心舊勳，與孤協事，公瑾有之，誠所不忘。昔胤年少，初無功勞，橫受精兵，爵以侯將，蓋念公瑾以及於胤也。而胤恃此，酗淫自恣，前後告喻，曾無悛改。孤於公瑾，義猶二君，樂胤成就，豈有已哉？迫胤罪惡，未宜便還，且欲苦之，使自知耳。今二君勤勤援引漢高河山之誓，孤用恧然。雖德非其疇，猶欲庶幾，事亦如爾，故未順旨。以公瑾之子，而二君在中間，苟使能改，亦何患乎！」瑾、騭表比上，朱然及全琮亦俱陳乞，權乃許之。會胤病死。　　瑜兄子峻，亦以瑜元功為偏將軍，領吏士千人。峻卒，全琮表峻子護為將。權曰：「昔走曹操，拓有荊州，皆是公瑾，常不忘之。初聞峻亡，仍欲用護，聞護性行危險，用之適為作禍，故便止之。孤念公瑾，豈有已乎？」

#54.1 #Zhou Yu

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