#and others...
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The Mocking of Christ.
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distant voices sing...
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[i got a new cd player recently... here's sony d-ej100 feat. some of my CDs]
#kraftwerk#depeche mode#and others...#i finally bought radioactivity the other day ...i didnt own any kraftwerk cds until now#i was going to put cute stickers on my cd player but then i saw my letter stickers and was like wait#let's emblazon it with a lyric perhaps. i could probably have fitted 'there is a light' on there and gone full smiths girlblogger but that#is not me. will never be me#i have the other half of my cd collection at home......and my new student place for this coming year has less shelf space than my current#one i believe. cries. physical media lovers when their media is too physical ..etc
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I love stories where the main character is morally questionable and at the lowest point in their life and yet they're trying their absolute best. There's nothing more hopeful to me.
#fandom#video games#disco elysium#lobotomy corporation#library of ruina#harry du bois#ayin lobcorp#roland library of ruina#AND OTHERS...#I can only focus on 2 things at a time sorry#citric posts
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DT Zone 6
some loosely connected thoughts about zone 6 of DT that was me, out loud, the entire time i was there...
The game seems to present shutting off the terminals that keep the Endless "alive" as some big moral quandary that we have to push through because there isn't time to think of a different solution, and for me at least, it falls COMPLETELY flat.
I had not one shred of hesitation or remorse for shutting those terminals down. None. Zilch. For me, there was NO moral quandary about it at all. And the game tried very very hard to make me feel bad.
I can acknowledge that there is a certain catharsis in getting to speak with a loved one who is gone, getting to have those final words out in the open, even if the one you are sharing those words with isnt really them (only a computer recreation of them based on their memories) because those kinds of words are mostly for the living, for those left behind. I liked that Wuk Lamat got to say a proper goodbye to Namikka, I liked that Krile got to meet her parents, I liked that Erenville got to have SOME kind of closure about Cahciua (why did NOBODY ask how she died????). NGL, was a bit ambivalent about Otis, but it was cute.
Nonetheless, I'm not gonna let anybody try and make me feel bad about shutting it all down. Everyone compares Living Memory to Amaurot, and they're supposed to, but while the artificialness of Amaurot made me sad, the artificialness of Living Memory made me UNCOMFORTABLE. Yeah, shutting the terminals down rips off the golden veneer to show the blackened stone underneath but GOD at least the stone is REAL
Every time the game prompted me, "are you SURE? it won't go back after it's gone" I was like "yes god please, I don't fucking care, make it go awAY"
Me@the characters trying to make me feel bad: Why are we feeling bad???? They're already dead! These aren't even them!
I'm not going to feel bad for turning off the computer simulations of DEAD PEOPLE that need to be fueled by the deaths of REAL LIVING BREATHING PEOPLE to stay functional. I'm sorry, but there is no question here.
My duty is to those who are still here, not those who are long dead. Sorry not sorry.
#ffxiv#dawntrail spoilers#just some of my thoughts#im not gonna lie#i was big mad for pretty much the entire second half of DT for MANY reasons#some of them are because the game WANTS me to be mad#and others...#dont get me fucking started on the regulators#at this point i might actually PREFER allag#and i H A T E allag!!!!
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Keiji and Shokichi not following the goddamn theme 😭😭😭😭
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Me: Ok, Sad Clown is actually a very common trope, going back At Least to commedia dell'arte, maybe even a tad overused now...
Also me every time: the Funny! Character! Is! Secretly! Really! Sad! And Nobody! Noticed!😭😭😭
#i have a type ok#tropes#sad clown#jack point#and others...#doesn't have to be a Literal clown/jester#the yeomen of the guard
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You're My North
Summary “Your mother was right, it’s okay to feel lost, you can always find north again,” Vanessa whispered, putting the necklace around her neck. “Although, I don’t think that I risk to feel lost anymore. You’re my north, after all.”
A/N Today is Vanessas birthday and it's still Fluffmay, so this is the perfect opportunity to also post this little oneshot I wrote exactly two years ago... And it is a Surfer AU, just because I think that Nozel would be an excellent surfer 💘
Ao3 link
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
“You’re going to throw a party.”
It wasn’t a question and she got confirmation as she saw her best friend looking at her in surprise before looking away.
“Come on, Vanessa. How did you find out?”
“Oh, I don’t know. You all just weren’t as subtle as you wanted to be. Especially Yami, he didn’t even try and I just played dumb.”
“I’m going to kill him,” Finral sighed, as he was turning the wedding band on his finger.
“You can’t, he’s your boss. Not to mention that it would be a crime, my dear.”
“I know.”
Finral looked over at his boss, the owner of the Black Bulls Motorcycles, who was sitting at the bar, drinking his third or fourth beer and complaining that he couldn’t smoke because the smoking area of the beach restaurant was still under renovation.
“Kaiser seems so unfaced. I know many people who would have lost after just five minutes of Yami complaining,” Vanessa giggled, as she saw the owner of the Purple Orca just listening to Yami while cleaning some glasses.
“He just has the patience of a saint. Well, it was needed to transform this place from a crime’s nest into a little paradise,” Finral just said, taking a sip from his pineapple juice.
Vanessa couldn’t agree more. She liked Kaiser. He was one of the chilliest persons she ever met and since he took over this restaurant, the Purple Orca transformed from a shady bar with hidden criminal activities and the reputation that went with it to a nice place, favourite spot of Raque for inhabitants and tourists, surfers and swimmers. A place where you can having a party or enjoy your evening after a day of work. Or both.
“So, um, Vanessa…”
“Yes?”
“Could you please do as if you don’t know? We booked the entire place, Kaiser and his wife helped to prepare everything, Morgen finally managed to catch Nacht so he can be here for the evening, Dorothy has prepared something as well and there will be a lot of people, for a big and nice party, just so as you like them. And Noelle especially seems very excited, so…”
Vanessa hide her smirk. She knew exactly why Noelle was excited.
“Don’t stress, Fin, I will play the surprised birthday girl like it’s expected on me. I’m happy that Nacht will come too and I’m curious what surprise my boss will do.”
Dorothy came from the same place as her. Witchtown looked like a lovely town in the middle of the Forest, but it wasn’t that nice once you knew the background and Vanessa had been at a good place to know that, as daughter of the mayor.
But she chased those memories away. She was already visiting therapy for her past trauma and her birthday wasn’t the day to remember something unhappy.
At that moment, she saw Noelle enter the restaurant, her surfboard under her arm. Vanessa made a sign and the young princess just waved back, before sitting alone at some table near the terrasse. Rebecca, a friend and a teenage girl who worked at the Purple Orca during some of her free time, immediately went to take her command and probably for some girl talk.
“What’s up with Noelle?”
“Oh, she went surfing and hoped to see Asta, but he went to the train station. Yuno is back from Spade, apparently and you know Asta, he won’t miss an occasion to spend time with his adoptive brother.”
“Ah, I understand. Poor sweetie. She still won’t admit her feelings and Asta is so oblivious.”
“Not to mention that she’s royalty. Dating someone out of your circle is difficult when you’re royalty, even in those modern times.”
Oh, Vanessa knew that. Probably better than Finral knew. But that was still her secret.
“Noelle even learned to surf to impress Asta, even though she would never admit it,” Finral continued. “I still wonder who taught her though. She never accepted help from anyone, of course. But someone had to teach her how to surf.”
Vanessa giggled. Oh, she knew exactly who taught Noelle how to surf.
“Don’t worry about Noelle, I’m sure she will gain her good mood again this evening for the party. Speaking of royalty, do you think the prince will come?”
“Yes, he will. Lumière finally found some free time. But you know, he will mostly spend his precious moments with Secre.”
“Ah, young love. They’re so cute together.”
“Yes, but the king won’t accept their relationship so easily. He might be an idiot, but you know that king Augustus is very peculiar on this topic. For anyone in the three royal families.”
“Won’t stop his son to date Secre.”
“No, it won’t. You’re right about that.”
Vanessa finished her drink and let her pay on the table. There was a place she wanted to go and someone she wanted to see.
“I see you this evening, Fin. Greet Finesse for me.”
“Will do. Where are you going, anyway? How many bars you want to drunk run before coming back?”
“None. There’s someone I want to see.”
“Ah, that secret boyfriend of yours…”
Usually Finral wasn’t that cheeky. Only when the topic was about the mysterious man who she was dating for months now. But unlike most of her friends, Finral actually believed that it was real and not some fantasy.
“Yes, that secret boyfriend of mine. I will eventually bring him to the party this evening.”
“Oh, we finally going to met him? Well, that means I won my bet.”
“You did have bets about my significant other?”
“Yep. But mostly if that person was real or not. Only Noelle and I did bet that he was real. Yami and those who made bets were sure it was just a fantasy of yours.”
“Going to prove them wrong, then. It’s not because that I didn’t have the best experience with dating that I’m desperate to invent someone.”
“I know that. Whoever that guy is, he makes you happy and that’s the most important. I’m really curious to finally meet him.”
“You’ll meet him this evening. See you later, Fin. And greet Finesse for me.”
Vanessa waved and practically run out of the restaurant. She was impatient to see Nozel.
♣♣♣
Raque was a vacation paradise for bathing and surfers. Even most members of the three royal families preferred to live here rather than in the capital. Well, the Kiras, Vermillions and Silvas had each their own estates in Raque, while they shared one big palace back in the capital of Clover.
Vanessa was happy to live in Raque. But even though she loved the beaches and the noise and everything that could happened on the beaches, often she preferred the hidden, secret creeks and beaches, when she wanted time for herself.
Or spend time with her boyfriend. It was on a secret beach she properly met him after all.
It was their place. Hidden between trees and some flat, round rocks was a little, beautiful white shore, with often the perfect waves for a surfer. Today, on the late afternoon, this little paradise seemed to shine in a pale golden glow. The sun was sometimes hidden by a few passing clouds, but Vanessa didn’t care. A pure blue sky could get boring over time and clouds at least were always changing their shape, telling a new story with each new form.
And there he was. Her silver surfer.
Full of glee, Vanessa dropped her beach bag on the sand just next to his, took her burgundy towel out and sat on it, admiring the talent of her boyfriend.
Nozel was an amazing surfer. It was fascinating to see how each way, each art of riding waves had no secret for him. And almost no one knew about his talent. It was one of his secrets and Vanessa only found out about it when she searched a new secret beach to have some time for herself. By coincidence – or was it Fate? – she chose exactly the hidden shore Nozel used for his surf training.
Like her, Nozel didn’t have an easy past. An absent father who were always harsh once he came home and the terrible accident of his beloved mother, who had been in comatose for years and who was today too weak to take care again, left him basically alone in charge of his three younger siblings. He had his aunt from the Vermillions to help him, of course, but the pression that was always present for royalty even today and other things had make things overly difficult for him, to a point that it gave him a cold mask despite himself. It was only recently that he began to allow to give himself more freedom.
What had been helping him all those years were his secret hobbies. Nozel called them his sanctuaries. Reading books and poetry, history and of course surfing. Vanessa had been ready to keep his secret, if she was allowed to share hislittle beach.
They bonded over time, get to know each other and opened up to their hidden wounds. From friendship something more deep grew between them. Something that over time unmasked itself as love.
It was almost a year since they were secretly dating, with only a few people being aware on this new royal relationship. Secre found out first and soon prince Lumiere too, who was gladly helping his distant cousin with his own romance. Noelle found out by accident and after some shock, she became basically their number 1 fan. Dorothy knew it too and Vanessa suspected Fuegoleon Vermillion, Nozels rival in… a lot of things, to have some suspicion.
It was nice to have a secret like that and Vanessa enjoyed the sweet calm it gave them. Because she knew that once a royal relationship was out in the open, there will be a storm coming from them. She remembered well how the whole country reacted to Lumière and Secre. Paparazzies would find their way to get the best scoop with no respect for privacy, the social media would comment and assume the craziest things and a good bunch of royalty would make faces at a match rather unfit for royalty. Which was a stupid argument, they weren’t living in medieval times.
But Vanessa was ready. She wanted to grow old with Nozel, to share his happiness and burden. They couldn’t hide forever. And most importantly, what was between them was worth those hardships. She saw how it made Lumière and Secre stronger with their bond. Vanessa was certain that it will be the same for Nozel and herself.
The coming out at the party would be the start of it. It was something Nozel and Vanessa decided a while ago.
Also, it was her birthday and unhappy thoughts were forbidden today.
She waited for Nozel to finish his rides and come out of the water. How long before he’ll realize that he wasn’t alone anymore?
Not long for once, he saw her the moment he went out of the water, his surfboard under his arm. And still Nozel took his sweet time to come at her. To prolong the joy, maybe? Or was it because he was in awe seeing her like this, in her new burgundy bikini? For some reason, he was always seemed in a loss or words when he saw her in a new outfit, even if it was just her in some unappealing comfy clothes.
When he was finally at her spot and put his board down, Vanessa couldn’t wait anymore. She jumped up and right into his arms.
“Hello there, handsome. Missed me?”
“Happy Birthday, Vanessa.”
He didn’t answer for her question, nor did he wait for her thanks. Nozel went straight to her lips, giving her a soft kiss, but still passionately.
Nozel didn’t let her go as they parted. Vanessa even had the feeling was holding her tighter. She couldn’t help but smirk a bit.
“Do not worry, stud. We still have hours before the party and after that, we have the entire night. Alone together,” she whispered in his ear and couldn’t help to feel triumphant as her boyfriend blushed slightly.
“Your place or mine?” he still asked, with a glimmer in his eyes that made her heart beating faster.
“Mine, it’s my birthday after all. Don’t worry, I tidied… a bit.”
“Hm.”
“And you can be at ease, I haven’t touched the clothes you left in my appartement last time, you’ll be fine.”
“Speaking of, you let your pink hairbrush in my room three days ago.”
“Oh, it was there? That’s why I couldn’t find it, despite knowing my mess by heart.”
Vanessa giggled and Nozel allowed himself to smile.
As they sat down on their towels, Nozel began to search for something in his bag.
“I’ve got something for you.”
“Oh, is it you?”
Nozel stopped searching to look at her, puzzled. “Why would you think that?”
“Well, you’re my boyfriend and the greatest gift I had in years. A gift that I’m going to fully enjoy tonight.”
She winked and laughed as Nozel looked away, blushing again. “Well, thank you… but it’s… something else.”
“You could give it to me at surprise party, like everyone else.”
“I could, but… I prefer to offer you my gift now, while we’re alone. It’s… well… Let’s just say I don’t want Yami to tease me. More than he would, after we’ll announce our relationship.”
Vanessa could understand that. She was sure that Yami wouldn’t let an occasion slip to tease Nozel. He’ll already tease her boyfriend endlessly when they’ll come out of secrecy and to be honest, she didn’t want to give Yami anymore reason to tease Nozel today. Not on her birthday.
Nozel finally gave her gift. It was wrapped nicely in some silver paper, with an elegant marine ribbon. It was almost a waste to destroy it, but Vanessas curiosity won over her admiration.
Still, she carefully pull the ribbon away and gently teared the paper away, only to reveal a simple black box. She looked at her boyfriend, but he simply nodded his head, a small smile on his lips.
As Vanessa opened the box, a strange and beautiful necklace appeared. It was a round silver pendant, decorated with arabesques and holes in form of stars. It looked old and not at the same time.
Vanessa took the pendant in her hands to observe it better, only to realize that she could actually opened it, so she did.
Inside was a compass. Old-looking and elegant, like the ones maybe corsairs used centuries ago. Vanessa was actually in awe, because it was really nice handwork. She never thought much about compasses before, but this one was very much for her liking.
“Nozel… it’s beautiful. Thank you.”
She wished she could say more, but she couldn’t find any fitting words to express her gratitude. Nozel only smiled as he tugged one of her locks behind her ear.
“You’re welcome. I’m happy you love it.”
“I still do wonder… why a compass? Does it have some deeper meaning?”
“It does.”
His eyes went towards the sea, where the waves crashed beautifully on the sand. He looked like he was lost in some past memories. Vanessa wondered which ones. Recent ones, like the hours he spent here with Noelle to teach her how to surf? Or older ones, when it was his mother who helped him learning the art of riding waves.
He took his time to answer, but Vanessa didn’t pushed. The moment they shared right now seemed too precious to be distraught.
“When I was little, I had a huge fight with my father. Well, it wasn’t really a fight, but we had some heavy disagreement. I don’t remember what it was about, just that in the end, I was sad and angry. Both at my father, because he was never proud of me, and at myself, because I still longed for his attention, despite knowing better.”
Nozel sighed deeply before continuing, “My mother came to comfort me. That day, she gifted me a compass, similar to the one I gave you. She told me that it was okay to be lost from time to time. All I needed to do was to find north again. My own north, as she said. I just… well… I wanted to give you something similar.”
He looked away, clearly embarrassed. It was so adorable.
Vanessa smiled as she looked back at the compass. It was a beautiful story, like every one which include his mother. She wished that she could one day finally meet Acier Silva, once she would feel a bit better.
“Your mother was right, it’s okay to feel lost, you can always find north again,” Vanessa whispered, putting the necklace around her neck. “Although, I don’t think that I risk to feel lost anymore. You’re my north, after all.”
Nozel looked at her, puzzled but smiling. Vanessa didn’t let him say something though, as she went straight to his lips to pull him into a soft, passionate kiss. Which he returned immediately.
As she lied in his arms, enjoying his company, Vanessa felt that it was a perfect birthday indeed. She would spent the rest of the afternoon with Nozel, cuddling, kissing, maybe they might even go to swim or he would surf with her. Once they got a call from Noelle, they would leave their beach and quickly make a stop at her appartement to make themselves fresh, before finally going to her surprise (not so anymore) surprise party at the Purple Orca. And after that, they would have the entire night for them.
Vanessa smiled happily. This plan sounded perfect, just as it should be for her birthday. Looking at Nozel, she couldn’t help but think that her own north was not only good-looking, but also the sweetest boyfriend someone could ask for.
#Black Clover#Black Clover Fanfiction#Happy Birthday Vanessa#My Writing ☘️♣️#Vanessa Enoteca#Nozel Silva#And others...#Nozessa#Nozel x Vanessa#Fluffmay
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I had a very vivid dream last night.
In the dream, there was a Halloween special airing on I think Cartoon Network or something called 'Max the Undead'. I'm pretty sure it originally came out sometime in the 90s, and was originally meant to be the pilot for a full series, because the live-action parts had that 90s TV quality to them, and the special had an opening theme that was very 90s. But I'm guessing in this dream world the CN execs said no to making it into a full series, but kept airing it every year as kind of a Halloween tradition, kind of like how they used to air 'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer' every December as a Christmas tradition.
In any case, the special was half live-action, half-animation--the best way I can describe it is 'Captain N: The Game Master' meets 'Mona the Vampire'. It followed a boy named Max, who moved to a new town with his mom and baby brother, and in order to cope starting writing stories about himself as a vampire hero, the titular 'Max the Undead'. But his younger brother just laughed at his stories, and his mom just wanted him to make some real friends.
At some point (I'm not sure HOW it got to that point), Max got teleported to this cartoon world where he actually became 'Max the Undead', and used his vampire powers to fight evil monsters.
And I'm NGL--part of me kind of wishes this was a real thing now.
#rhys-ravenfeather signing on#vampires#cartoons#posting this in the hopes that this somehow manifests into reality in some way...#i'd (probably) do it myself but i'm busy juggling my ahit fanfic about a *somewhat* vampiric alien and her big scary ghost dad#and my original story about another kid who turns into a moth girl and ends up joining a found family consisting of a shadow boy#his half shadow/half jersey devil sister#a cyborg#and others...
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kenny and craig and tweek are gonna be here now! @bravest
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Which of these Nirvana album covers is your favorite?
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shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this
#and by 'everyone' i mean me. im just hoping other people relate lmao#someone asks me about a thing i like and im just like h..................#been thinking about The Character for a solid 6 months+ and let me tell you. expldoeing soon#this is about ffxv btw . how am i supposed to say how much it lives in my brain . i cant think#text#1k#5k#10k#15k#20k#great googly moogly#30k#40k#50k#60k#boooy what da heeel#70k#80k#90k#will this be my first ever post to hit 100k... it remains to be seen#good lord. we did it#100k
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the honda odyssey, huh?
#poolverine has taken over my every waking thought#they're the defintion of matching each others freak#you can tell my brainrot is bad by the fact that I willing drew a car#and don't get me started on this pose it took me ages to figure out#anything for peak old men yaoi#hope you enjoy the freaky little details I added in here#poolverine#deadclaw#poolverine fanart#deadpool#deadpool fanart#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine#fanart#my art#digital art
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It's really simple. If you're born with a vagina and you naturally have elevated testosterone levels, you're a man. If you have a vagina and you take testosterone, you're a woman. But also if you have a vagina, you'll never be a man. But also if you have higher testosterone then you were never a woman. Woman never yes man a vagina testosterone no was an elevated. Vagina man.
#Elon Musk#JK Rowling#Gender#Trans#Cis#Imane khelif#Olympics#2024#Intersex#misogyny#racism#misogynoir#love to all the trans and intersex homies#hate to those who hate them#Christine Mboma#Beatrice Masilingi#caster semenya#Lin Yu-Ting#any other cis women getting fucked over by bogus gender testing and accusations#hell world#transmisogyny#intersexism#sexism#fuck terfs#vagina man
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really factual recounting with no embellishments whatsoever
#she’s CORNY. getting DEEPLY silly with it sorry#coworker on the other end is like#that’s great now can we talk about how we r going to fit this crazy insane installation into our schedule#bslc#digital art#x
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