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puppyluver256 · 5 months ago

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I think it's time I addressed something.

cw: mentions of targeted harassment/online stalking, colonial/religious violence on mass scale, and ongoing genocide as a result of said violence

The names of anyone involved will be anonymized to protect people’s privacy. The only time uncensored usernames will be mentioned are in regards to people who have literally no knowledge of or involvement in this situation, and are not used disparagingly.

Recently, through a total fluke of curious self-googling, I discovered that a random blog I had blocked months ago had in fact posited themself as a """receipts""" (aka harassment) blog and had been actively trying to tear me down based solely on my attempts to keep my own sanity in a time of international turmoil--or rather, a time of international injustice. Even though it seems like the blog in question (which I will refer to simply as H going forward for the sake of their privacy, and if you know who it is do not mention it here or harass them in any way, shape, or form or I will find out and be deeply disappointed in you at the very least) has had a very narrow reach, once I realized that this was even a Thing and had some time to actually think about things after the initial anger and revulsion of such an act had settled a bit, I felt that I couldn't in good conscience let it go unaddressed even if it risked giving the source of the harassment even a marginally wider reach to continue their actions with impunity, especially when it was clear that they hadn’t had enough of trying to torment just me and moved forward with more insidious tactics that felt all too familiar. Because quite frankly, despite them going about it in completely the wrong way, H had a small point with regards to things I had said.

As you can probably gather due to the content warnings, this is about the horrors happening to the people of Palestine. Or rather, it is about my tendency to hide from the horrors of the world while online for the sake of my own sanity, with Palestine being just one of the most recent out of many over the years, and how my venting about being unable to do so consistently (and venting about being harassed for said venting, I will go into that particular issue much later) was twisted into the belief that I either did not care about or genuinely wished for the ongoing harm to an entire people group. The opposite is the case, in fact--I care far too much for my own good.

Let me make this clear upfront: the very first time I was taught about the still-ongoing issues between Israel and Palestine, in my freshman year of high school I might add, I was (and still am) on the side of Palestine. (admittedly the teacher tried to "teach" us about it via a stupid game that she eventually gave up on and just taught us the damn facts, but that's neither here nor there, the point is I learned what was going on a little less than 20 years ago and my opinion on the matter has been relatively the same since) I may be an atheist, but more importantly I am a secular humanist, and before knowing the latter term and taking on that label I was still an atheist even at the time, so the religious argument of "god gave them that land, they own that land" would never have worked on me the way it seems to with so many people. And tbh I don't even know if that's an argument that the Israeli government themselves put forward (it's a terrible argument no matter who put it forward), but I do know that christian fundamentalist extremists say things like that in their push for """god's people"" to return to """their god-ordained homeland""" so they (the christian extremists, I mean, just so we don't get confused here) can try to usher in the end of the world based on the drug trip of a final volume in their bizarre storybook and no I am not kidding that is literally what they believe.

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(timestamp'd to the relevant part, this vid is three years old and while this comes off as a little more neutral, some of this channel's more recent podcasts have expressed support for Palestine specifically when the topic came up)

So as you can imagine, I am absolutely not in favor of innocent people being slaughtered senselessly either for the sake of power/bigotry or for the sake of trying to kickstart a supposedly promised omnicide (as delusional as that belief is, and it's about as delusional as a socially accepted belief can be) because I am A Decent Human Being. I am also vehemently anti-military, in all forms, and have been since at least high school. And in response to a line from the post that spurned this one, "it's a genocide not a religious war", I have never once said or even implied this isn't the case. In fact, it's both at once. It is warfare, waged with religion as one of the motivating factors, against a people group with the goal and/or outcome of genocide. The terms are not mutually exclusive, and both are disgusting on their own, even moreso when one is the result of the other.

Addressing the vent posts/tag rambles directly:

This is something that is not going to surprise anyone who knows me to hear: I have the emotional constitution of an improperly set flan.

Human beings are not equipped to deal with our current 24-hour news cycle and internet rage-pushing algorithms, and I have found over time that I am far less equipped than most. Every single post about it, tweet about it, insertion into a video I was watching that gave no prior indication it would even remotely talk about it, it kept breaking my heart little by little, especially as I could do nothing to help and the charged language of everything was written to basically shame anyone who didn't do anything regardless of whether or not they were actually capable of doing so.

And then there were the pictures of bodies. Gruesome injury and death, over and over and over again. It was all too much to force myself to just helplessly watch, and I can only imagine how hard it is for the people actively experiencing all of it.

All of this on top of my more direct struggles--adjusting to a new house I never wanted to move to in a location I never wanted to even visit again, learning to care for a new dog and never getting enough time to get anything done as a result, constantly getting bitten by said dog, the brand new house constantly falling apart either due to shoddy workmanship or because of Dog, never getting enough sleep anymore (admittedly through no one's fault but my own), pulling my hair out over all this stress and then stressing out over that in a vicious cycle of bald--meant I had to focus on what I could actively take care of, namely myself, my family, and my living space. And when I finally get a moment to myself, you can imagine that it doesn't help in the slightest to go online and see a constant stream of global tragedy when I just wanted to chill for an hour. No one is equipped to handle this sort of thing all the time. And it certainly isn't helping anyone to allow myself to be constantly inundated by the torment of people I cannot do anything to alleviate.

The fandomization of tragedy:

This is another big part of why I had to filter so much. I 100% understand and encourage the making of artworks in the face of an injustice such as what's happening to Palestine, but something about it being intersected with light-hearted media just feels...unsettling? Disrespectful? I get it, people deal with bad stuff in different ways, but I just can't jive with putting the language of The Current Bad Thing That's Been Happening Lately into the mouths of characters for whom those issues would never come up. Like with that one post of modern-ized Disney princesses that included Tiana and Charlotte at a BLM protest, that makes sense as a modern interpretation of Tiana's pre-inciting-event struggles and Charlotte's determination to support her friend because Tiana was dealing with the much stronger systemic racism of the intended time period in the actual source material (albeit in a sanitized, watered-down, "we don't wanna draw attention to the fact that we pulled this sort of crap too irl" sense on Disney's part). But randomly having a character spout off Palestine slogans or flying a Palestine flag when their universe doesn't even have any real-world locations...just does not feel right, even if it is meant in genuine support. It had the same energy of those art pieces where all the fictional characters from different media would be sitting together on the couch, watching TV as the news of nine-eleven plays on screen and they all start crying. More of an unintentional mockery than the poignant piece it's intended to be. Then again, this is the place where getting one's important news items delivered to them via the infamous Destiel screenshots is considered normal, which half the time makes it hard to take said important news as seriously as one should.

This all came to a head for me with "Fakemon for Palestine".

I'm sure you can gather what Fakemon is through context, fan-made Pokemon, something I've heavily gotten into myself via the Cantessy project and at least three planned future Fakemon projects, and have been following plenty of artists and collaborative creators in the field for years now. I think the "Fakemon for Palestine" trend was started by the Fakemon creator PragMagik (if it wasn't then he definitely helped popularize it), and for the record, from what I've seen of the demiguy I believe his heart was absolutely in the right place. And it caught on, and spread like wildfire within the Fakemon community. And it Just. Felt. Wrong. All the cutesy Pokemon-ified takes on Palestine symbology just felt like it was making light of a very serious situation. I'm sure that 90% of those jumping on the trend meant their contribution(s) to be a genuine show of support for the Palestine cause, and let's be real it's probably a lot more preferable for those going through this to see fun and encouraging fanart rather than more of the death and destruction they have to deal with on a daily basis (if they even do get to see the fun and encouraging fanart at all due to spotty internet in what infrastructure remains or was cobbled together through proxies), but I still couldn't shake the feeling that this was inappropriate. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong.

What hasn't been publicized:

As mentioned before, I have felt as though I could not, and still cannot, do anything to help. I'm constantly in a state of decision paralysis when it comes to this sort of thing. Sharing everything that came my way led to the risk of just spreading misinformation, and taking the time to comb through everything would just make me shut down entirely. Donating to any old fundraiser was tricky, both because I don't have the money to spare and because I would have no way of knowing if the money would actually reach the people it needed to, either by way of the money being intercepted before it reached its intended recipient or the fundraiser itself being a malicious scam. Attending a protest would be out of the question, as I live in The Middle Of Goddamn Nowhere where there's likely no protests within 100 miles, and if I did manage to get to one and ended up getting arrested for the "crime" of speaking out in support of oppressed people, not only would no one be home to take care of my dog for way longer than I'm okay leaving him at home alone, but it could get more than just myself into trouble. My mom's a government employee (city gov, but still) in an unfortunately crimson red state, and while I don't know for a fact if me getting arrested as an adult would put her job at risk, I'm not willing to take that chance with her. I'm not putting my loved ones at risk like that.

Ironically I've probably been "participating" in some of the boycotts people have been calling for longer than they'd even been called for. Of the three I can think of off the top of my head, I've never gone to Starbucks because I don't like the smell of coffee, I can't stand the abusive business practices and environment inside of Walmart so I try my best to never go there unless something I need is literally not available anywhere else within a reasonable distance and/or timeframe, and I've avoided McDonald's for years because let's be honest, when a restaurant chain serves you two bright red burgers on two separate occasions at two completely different locations, you tend not to frequent that restaurant chain ever again for the sake of your own physical health. I know this doesn't quite count, hence the use of quotes above, but it's still less money going into the pockets of bad actors. I'm reminded of that post where someone was all "you people can't even boycott chik-fil-a", and it's just...yeah I can. I did it (and am continuing to do it) without even trying. Just because I didn't announce it to the world didn't mean I didn't do it.

Also, just because I filtered the topic on social media does not mean I was "keeping (my) head in the sand" about everything. I was keeping informed, but only when I was in the right headspace to do so, and with plenty of preparation for what I would be getting into, and I never felt the obligation to announce my attempts to keep informed because it would all be information better obtained from more appropriate sources than Some Random Nerd On The Internet Who Is Not Directly Involved And Thus Does Not Have Proper Perspective Or Any Sort Of Media Sensitivity Training. That's all I was ever upset about wrt the content of the initial vent post: I wanted the chance to prepare myself for what I would be seeing, and people were refusing to let me have that chance and then directly berating anyone else who wanted the same. My only real wrongdoing here was complaining about things in spaces where one can openly complain about things and not being the most tactful about it.

To paraphrase a friend of mine I was discussing this whole with, if we had to turn off our computers to avoid seeing senseless violence as a result of military aggression, the internet would not exist because the world has been in war for practically forever. The world is always in conflict, always messed up, and just not wanting to see it all the time because of how much everything is right now is not a morally incorrect action but a tired one, and one is allowed to be tired. (or more specifically in my case, emotionally overwhelmed)

Misinterpretation:

I'll admit, I was too upset to force myself to read H's posts in too much detail, but in what I could remember I noticed several misinterpretations, whether genuine or intentionally twisted I can't tell. One was stated above, another I remember was criticism of my using the phrase "upsetting event" wrt trying to filter, well, upsetting events. In general. Not just this one, but any upsetting event. I was defending the use of filters for people to keep themselves safe online regardless of what it was they decided to filter. Celebrity deaths, celebrity controversy, widespread diseases, natural disasters, and yes, any form of global injustice. I was being vague for the purposes of letting anyone fit in whatever thing they'd find upsetting and needing to filter, and that was deliberately taken as me dismissing a very specific travesty. I encourage people to educate themselves on such things that they may need to have filtered whenever possible, but no good comes from people forcing themselves to get tragedy-jumpscared at any moment with no warning whatsoever. In my case, I oftentimes forget entirely to clear out my filters when I'm in a mindset to not need them anymore. But make no mistake, just because I need to filter something doesn't mean I don't care about said thing. In fact, I would've just kept it to Xkit filters rather than vanilla Tumblr filters, as from there I at least have the warning button to where I could open it up if I was in the proper headspace, if not for my morning phone scroll not at all being the proper headspace for me in the slightest.

Also, many instances of me venting on the "I can't curate my feed when no one wants to meet anyone halfway" issue? Not even related to something even remotely as serious as what has been claimed is the sole focus of my venting, in so far as I can recall. You wanna know some of the other things that are in my filters? The wizard school book and its author. (bad example tbh, what with the end goal of that bitch's transphobic statements/actions making it just as serious) The show about an undersea kitchen cleaning tool who wears angular clothing. The show about a hotel in hell and its spinoff and also anything its main creator has ever touched. Freaking spíders. And yet no matter how many variations of filters I apply, those too keep leaking through to me, that second one in particular due mostly to its omnipresence in meme culture and no one thinking to use fandom tags for what are considered general purpose memes. And that's not even taking into account the people who think it's even remotely okay to censor serious topics that many people need to blacklist. We've all seen and raged at the growing tendency of people "warning" for "r*pe" or "5u1c1d3" / """unaliveing""" or "dr-ug u-se" or "4l-c0-h0l" or "g*ns", after all. (for those using screenreaders who just got a blast of Absolute Audio Garbidge in their ears, those words were "rape", "suicide", a nonsense word that means nothing, "drug use", "alcohol", and "guns", and I'm sorry if those words/phrases coming at you with no warning was distressing to you)

Conclusion:

TL;DR, I used various social media's moderation features to try and hang on to the last strands of sanity I have after both my life and a far-off part of the world have been turned upside-down last year, and I was """called out""" for publicly being upset that people were actively making that more difficult. I was upset that someone (almost certainly H) sent me aggressive messages berating me for being upset, using the deaths of real innocent people as a weapon to do so. I was told the typical "curate your feed" line when the thing that I was complaining about in the first place was that I could not effectively do that. I was repeatedly attacked for daring to complain about something that was stressing me out, and my complaints were archived and posted in such a manner where they could be dissected, reinterpreted, and attacked some more with no way for me to directly defend myself because I literally could not see them until a random google fluke led me to discovering the harassment campaign that had been going on for months.

If you were hurt by my words, if the interpretation of my statements led you to consider me to be something I very much try not to be, I would not blame you. Quite frankly, you have every right to feel that way. It was very easy to see my wording as callous and cruel, even if from my perspective it was simply tactless and frustrated. I will not be deleting anything that I have said wrt circumvented filters and the messages I've received, partly because I feel it important to take accountability for when I've unknowingly upset someone and partly because I can't be assed to find all of it, especially when someone thought it was a good idea to "preserve" it without my consent anyway to make any such deletion a waste of my time. And to a specific someone, who I will refer to as A, I apologize to you in particular because I had briefly suspected you of being the person behind this. I thought you were understandably upset about everything going on (as you have more direct connections to this than anyone I know) and taking it out on me, so I’d unfollowed you with the mistaken understanding that you didn’t want me around anymore. I now have no reason to believe this was the case, and I’m sorry for ever suspecting you.

In a better world, someone who was upset by my statements would've taken the time to try and have a conversation with me about my lack of tact on the matter, an actual one-to-one conversation and not just yelling at me in my inbox, treating me like a fellow human being to be informed or convinced rather than a monster to be spat upon. But then again, in a better world, none of this would be an issue because everyone would be safe and thus there would be no death and destruction for me to desperately try to hide from. And of course, there's a possibility that maybe someone did try to talk to me in a good-faith manner, and I just never saw their attempts because I was filtering the words they were using.

I'm not asking for forgiveness, only understanding, and I hold no ill will to anyone who saw me venting about my attempts to protect myself from further heartbreak (among other less serious things) being constantly and purposefully circumvented as more than what they were.

Except for You, H.

(note: the rest of this post is referring to H and H alone, if you are not H [and you will know whether or not you are] feel free to keep reading but remember you are not the intended target of the anger contained in the ongoing text)

Yes, I'm talking to you, H, as unlike you I have no intention to "archive" your posts to harass and berate you. Because that’s what you’re doing, you’re harassing me, and that’s why I have called you H: the H is for “harasser”. I have no doubt you will be reading this post, as you're probably still "keeping tabs" on me to find more things to add to your little archive of ire, if recent developments are anything to go by. Who keeps a """receipts""" blog in 2024 anyway, let alone for something as petty as tactless takes on the internet? If I was actively contributing to those perpetuating the genocide it'd be more understandable, but to go through all this effort to smear someone who just wants to take a moment to scroll through social media without getting slapped in the face with Another Dead Fucking Body with no warning or opportunity to prepare for it? This is just cruelty for cruelty's sake, and you know this, and you don’t care.

You claimed I would make "bait posts" to try and do...something, I don't even know where you were going with that. I'll admit I don't remember much of what I wrote, and I don't have the mental fortitude to wade through your blog again to get berated from the past yet again, but the only thing I have ever wanted from you was for you to leave me the hell alone. By your logic, I suppose the Nexgard and Heartgard I give to my dog every month are meant to attract ticks rather than repel them. Or that the bug man comes once a year to line the outside of the house with a chemical that lures spíders and other pestly invertebrates into our living space. I’ve tried everything in my power to get you to go the fuck away and you refuse to leave! You refuse to get out of my life!

You all but explicitly called me a zionist for daring to want to have some peace in my life, when I have never been anything of the sort. Scroll back up if you want a refresher of my feelings on the matter, the tl;dr being that I am against ethnostates regardless of who the attempted "ethno" of that "state" is and I condemn any and all forms of genocide, religiously motivated or otherwise. But I know you won’t have bothered to absorb any of that, as you not only seem to be the premier of “piss on the poor”, but the king (gender neutral) of “I think Coolsville sucks”.

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(for those who don’t know what I’m talking about, tried to find the screencaps with added context but I couldn’t so you get the clip)

You carefully made sure there was no way I would find your blog and your targeted harassment under normal circumstances--even with that one instance of you commenting directly on my post that led to me blocking you, you'd tagged all of your posts with tags you either knew or suspected I would have filtered via vanilla Tumblr so that I could not see it while logged in even if I unblocked you or told Tumblr to show me your blog despite my block, or perhaps you blocked me on that blog and Tumblr finally fixed the issue of blocked users being able to view the blogs of those that blocked them (I doubt it, given what you've been doing). Hell, I only found out about this in the first place from a mere google fluke, trying to make sure my own inattentiveness on a completely unrelated issue didn't lead to someone doing exactly what you've done on that issue and just so happening to be on an incognito window while doing so.

And don't think for a second I didn't notice all the "she"s and "her"s in your main post about me. Anyone who looks at my blog can see that I go exclusively by they/them pronouns, and I have been exclusively using they/them pronouns for years. There's literally no excuse for she/her-ing me throughout all of the insults and jabs, just the perfect slathering of piss icing on that turd cake you baked. You do know that correctly gendering people is something you need to do even if you don't respect them, yes? Like no decent trans-supporting person would call Caitlyn Jenner or Blair White by anything other than their chosen names and correct pronouns, we'd just call them awful people while still calling them women and using their current names, because that's what and who they are. It's no different here--even if you feel I've done too much wrong to be deserving of your respect as a person, that's no excuse to disrespect my identity as a nonbinary individual. My right to be correctly addressed is not conditional based on whether or not you personally like me.

But here's the kicker in this whole thing: I don't believe for a second that you actually give two shits about the plight of the Palestinian people beyond some vague sense of "clout". I can't even bring myself to call you a slacktivist, as slacktivists at least tend to spread helpful information about things they care about. I looked at your blog, its layout themed around the symbols of Palestinian liberation, and as far as I can tell it's all just window dressing. One would think you'd have links to aid for the victims, news posts, anything remotely helpful, but searching "aid" or "donate" or anything similar on your blog brings up a blank page. Hell, with the vindictive nature of your blog, you'd think you'd’ve even had posts targeting other peoples who are at best trying to get on with their lives through the 24-hour news cycle of death and destruction or at worst actively supporting the deaths of innocents. (I still wouldn't encourage such things, but it'd at least make sense given your general vibe) But no, I went through the entirety of your blog's posts and up until recently (we will get to that) it's only posts focused on me. Berating me. Taking screenshots of my posts and my tags on said posts and/or reblogs, even those that are completely unrelated to this issue which you decided to interpret in the least generous way possible, misgendering me all the while. No one else, no-thing else. Just me.

This isn't about Palestine to you, not really. Palestine is just a convenient cudgel to use in your true goal: tearing me down as some sort of personal grudge. And the worst thing is, despite recent actions all but confirming my suspicions, I can’t definitively prove who you are or why you would be motivated to do this before any of this happened, you've made damn well sure of that. There's no way that blog isn't a sideblog, it's too devoid of anything Personal not to be. And I wouldn't be surprised if every single one of the hateful anonymous asks I've ever gotten over the past few years had been sent from one person, and I believe that person is and has always been none other than you.

I would say you should be ashamed of yourself, but let's be real, someone who runs a blog dedicated to a smear campaign against one single person is almost entirely immune to the concept of shame, especially when they're so far up their own ass so as to convince themself that doing so is somehow the good and noble thing to do. Clearly someone who thinks it's in any way appropriate to tell someone, and I'm quoting mostly from memory as it's been months, "I'm sure all those dead kids are glad you're protecting your mental health" has NO sense of shame whatsoever. If I were to stoop to your level, I’d tell you that those same dead kids are probably really proud of you for harassing someone who has, at worst, made some tactless statements out of frustration. But I’m not you. Those dead kids are dead, and needlessly so. They’re not glad for my mental health (even sarcastically as you meant it) nor proud of you for harassing people online, nor are they scared or sad or angry or at peace or anything. They are dead. Murdered. And you dared to use their deaths for your own selfish purpose of furthering your pathetic grudge.

What do you even hope to gain from doing this? The knowledge that you've deeply hurt me? My complete and total isolation from anyone I care about online, perhaps culminating in my disappearance from the internet altogether? My inability to fully engage in the fandom of any media I enjoy or any multifandom art events, seeing as how you tried to attack my potential participation in Art Fight too? The ruination of my only ability to make any small semblance of an income? The right to dictate what I see and post online? A reaction of any kind? Because you've certainly gotten that last one now, if nothing else. Whatever the case, I know nothing I do will ever satisfy you or get you off my back, and you've made it so that I can't even force you out of my life--I'd already blocked the blog you were using to do this, and yet you kept stalking me to find any scrap you could use to make me look worse than what I'd ever said or believed (that's what we call "block evading", btw, and it's against tos on basically every major social media platform), and I can't figure out what Twitter account you'd been using to stalk my Twitter page since some loser who thinks he has any right to the place decided to make Twitter visible only to people who are currently logged into Twitter, meaning you have to have one too.

You don’t intend to make the world a better place by doing this, not in the slightest. No, instead you've just berated the "snowflake trigglypuff" for trying to keep their "safe space" intact, while painting that sentiment in the language of the social justice warrior you believe yourself to be rather than that of the crazy altright loser I believe (or at least hope) you'd find as repulsive as I do so that no one would clue in that that is in fact what you were doing.

And then you had the nerve to go after two of my friends, M and C. Maybe you’ve gone after more than just them, but these are the two I know of for certain. M told me directly, and I saw C’s post about getting an anon “warning” her about someone with an “anti-religion agenda”, and because I’m not a complete moron I could put two and two together because that’s the kind of bullshit religious people spread about atheists all the damn time. And while I admit I don’t see religion in the best light, I don’t have an “””agenda””” to take the comforting aspects of religion away from people. I counter the harm of genuinely dangerous beliefs and stand against fundamentalists and their goal of getting everyone to follow their exact belief system and theirs alone, but if someone donates to charity (and I mean actual charity, not just giving money to their religious organization) or gets involved in beneficial activism because that’s what their religious belief encourages, I have no problem with it. Like I’ve said numerous times, I’d take a dozen progressive theists over one asshole atheist. But more to the point, what makes you think you have the right to bring in people who have literally nothing to do with any of this? Whatever your goal was with that, it was your final mistake, because now I know exactly who you are.

This has happened before, H.

You’ve likely done this before, H, and I know someone exactly like you has.

Because this is all too reminiscent of something that went down four years ago with one of my friends during a time when they were suffering, and just as I stood by their side back then, I refuse to stand by and let you target me and my friends like that now. It saddens me that in four years time people still haven't learned to try and be better than this, and while that person was an angry teenager back then and didn’t have the tools to appropriately deal with their personal problems with others, you are presumably an adult. You need to start acting like it and find a better way to deal with your interpersonal problems, and using the pain and suffering of others is NOT the way to do it.

My problem was that I had no choice but to temporarily close off my heart in order to keep it from breaking every time I opened social media for five minutes, protecting myself from my own tendency to care too much while unintentionally making it seem like I didn't care at all. Your problem is that you used the deaths of real, innocent people to try and turn an unemployed queer nd artist into an emotionally broken persona non grata and make yourself look like a big damn hero, hiding your personal grudge under the veneer of giving a shit about people desperately hanging on through atrocities directed toward them, and also try to bring down said artist’s completely uninvolved friends in the process in order to further salt the wound. But you are no hero, nor am I a villain, and I would not be so gauche as to claim the reverse is true either. We're just a couple of randos on the internet, one who has an unhealthy level of vitriol toward the until-recently clueless other. And I have no doubt that you will not listen to a damn thing in this post, and perhaps you will purposefully twist this into some "(they) only wrote this because (they) got caught!!" nonsense or claim that I'm lying about everything in this post that doesn't 100% accept your interpretation of things since I don't remember every single thing I've ever said in any given vent post/tag ramble or I don't address every single point you made (spoiler alert, most people don't have the patience or energy to read in-depth A Wall Of Insults Based Solely On Malicious Misinterpretation, so "forgive" me for merely skimming your blog and not allowing you to take up any more of my time than you already have, except don’t because I’m not apologizing to you for having been an until-recently unaware victim of ongoing harassment), because someone like you can't stand the thought of someone you don't like learning from their mistakes and improving themself. But on the slight chance that this actually does get through to you and make you think for two goddamn seconds and realize the true nature of what you've been doing, here's my final message to you:

Get some help, H. Stop obsessing over me. Learn to try and have an actual conversation with someone you have an issue with instead of immediately going into a tirade of insults and accusations. And if you really do care about Palestine and aren't just using their hardships as an excuse to tear down someone you hate, go do something actually useful for the cause. You don't even have to publicly announce it if you don't want to, though if you had done anything useful by now you seem like the type who would absolutely shout from the rooftops about it for the internet brownie points. Just stop wasting your time with a small potato like myself and focus on the big picture.

Now then, I'm going to keep doing what I do with the addition of trying to improve myself wrt complaining about serious stuff in public like I have been, y'all can keep doing what you think is best for yourselves, and as for H...please, for your own sake if not for any other reason, channel that anger into something productive. It's what I try to do when I'm upset with something or someone, and it usually helps. Harassing randos on the internet isn't helping anyone, not even yourself.

EDIT: Altered an admittedly accusatory part to be less directly so, just on the off-chance that I am wrong about this person's identity. I'm still fairly confident, but I don't want to be THAT guy, especially with someone like the person that spurned me on to make this post in the first place. As you can understand, I was and still am very angry that I had to make this post at all, and I historically don't make very good decisions when I'm angry. Especially when my friends are roped into this.

#jess rambles #long post #like very long #like ''maybe go get a snack and a drink if you wanna sit through this whole thing'' long #knock knock get the door it's religion #and how it leads people to do terrible things #(no i don't think my harassment is religiously motivated I'm Talking About The Big Thing)#cw:#harassment #genocide mention #death mention #child death mention #war mention

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neosatsuma · 2 years ago

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actually you know what all this reminds me of? Neopets. tumblr capitalizing on this site's running gags is basically "GOODNIGHT MR COCONUT" all over again, and as a mr. coconut enjoyer I approve

#I mean i think Neopets did a lot of things very right in the way they embraced their user base and the things they were into #can't speak for however the place is run now bc I'm not there but in my early teens there was an immense sense #of being in on all kinds of jokes WITH the staff #which #teenagers love being in on jokes!#that conspiratorial sense of Getting the Joke and being in a Club is the lifeblood of teens everywhere #and only marginally less so for 20-somethings tbh #basically I'm saying I can see why the checkmarks nd crabs have appeal and also why I've seen suggestions for other Tumblr Culture stickers #horse plinko wet beast wednesday etc #yes it might be cringe but it's better than the utter disconnect of ball shaving ads #or the unnerving laser focus of ads that know your marital status and yearly earnings #my nonsense #tumblr #neopets

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thekidsarentalright · 4 years ago

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Fob Tracklist Survey Results

Hi! So, about a week or so ago I posted a survey asking you guys to pick your favorite song from each track number across all of fobs albums, and these are the results of that survey, as well as the ‘perfect fob album’ tracklist based off of your guys’ answers! <3

Track 1-

I don’t believe this is any surprise or shock that disloyal order beat out any other opening track... and I, personally, believe it’s the correct answer fkjsfk but wow 89 people saying that vs only 26 saying thriller which was 2nd... that’s a large rift!

Track 2-

I was honestly a little surprise by this one, but the take over, the breaks over won track 2! just barely beating out of all the gin joints! (i personally expected tlotro to win tbh)

Track 3-

This one was interesting to me because the entire time the survey was open it was very very split, and even at the end the winner, dance dance, won by an 8 vote margin! Very interesting!

Track 4-

ab/ap rights!!!! I honestly thought this one was the biggest toss up because wow all these songs are heavy hitters and some of my personal favs, but the kids aren’t alright won out!

Track 5-

Much like disloyal order, I was not very surprise by the outcome of track 5. Hum Hallelujah is, rightfully, a fan favorite and deserved to have won this one! (just one yesterday deserved better imo fhsdkfj)

Track 6-

So, track 6 is the only one that was tied literally the entire time. I left it open for extra time hoping the tie would break... and it didn’t. So, I had a non-fob fan listen to both and they picked the (shipped) gold standard, so that will be the official track 6 on the ultimate fob album but jet pack blues will be a third bonus track bc i feel like it deserves it <3

Track 7-

Yet another unsurprising one... coffee’s for closers is an incredible song and another big fan favorite! What surprised me is that 5 people picked champion... and that novocaine didn’t do better ;(

Track 8-

Yet another folie song that won out... this ultimate tracklist is literally just folie’s copy & pasted huh... anyways it won by a pretty large margin, beating out sunshine riptide!

Track 9-

and another folie song won.... by a very wide margin... 27 is incredible though so i’m not even mad but wow i expected this margin to be thinner! justice for favorite record!

Track 10-

finally a song that isn’t from folie omg... bishops knife trick won track 10, which i am very happy about of course... it’s the right answer so thank u all for picking it <3

Track 11-

I was a little unsure about where this one would go, and though i know people love sixteen candles i honestly thought bang the doldrums would win! but it didn’t, sixteen candles did... but only by a few votes (and it only started winning over bang the doldrums towards the very end!)

Track 12-

Right up until the very very end get busy living was winning by like... 20 votes or something but suddenly, with the last chunk of votes 20 dollar nose bleed won out! which i really did not expect!

Track 13-

These are all very beloved songs so i truly had no expectations or want for the outcome... but west coast smoker won by 10 votes! it’s a damn good song so like i’m not mad at it at all

Track 14-

i swore i thought pavlove won this one but omg i guess not... i’ve got all this ringing just barely won by the thin margin of 2 votes... it’s such an underrated song so honestly good for it!!!

Track 15-

This one might actually be less shocking than track 1 lmao ginasfs is such a loved, incredible song so like... i knew it was no contest it would win over the music or the misery kjffkjd

Bonus Track 1-

The first bonus track on this perfect/ultimate fob album is... lake effect kid! by yet another pretty thin margin on only 6 votes over it’s hard to say i do, when i don’t! I am very very surprise it’s not a side effect wasn’t more of a contender though.. ouch :(

Bonus Track 2-

I thought from now on we were enemies was the obvious choice here too, so it’s no surprise to me it won! I am very happy to see dear future self was second place, though, that song deserves better!

Overall, Your Guys’ Favorite Track Number-

This one was the most divided question, i think. i had no clue what the outcome of it would be, and it was the most interesting result to look at and think about! By 2 votes, you guys decided the best track is 4 (i agree), followed by track 6, track 7, track 1, and track 11. All are good! And each track number got at least one vote, which i think was very interesting!

So, according to you all, the ultimate fob album tracklist is as follows: 1. Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes (folie) 2. “The Take Over, The Breaks Over” (ioh) 3. Dance, Dance (futct) 4. The Kids Aren’t Alright (abap) 5. Hum Hallelujah (ioh) 6. The (Shipped) Gold Standard (folie) 7. (Coffee’s For Closers) (folie) 8. What a Catch, Donnie (folie) 9. 27 (folie) 10. Bishops Knife Trick (mania) 11. A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me (futct) 12. 20 Dollar Nose Bleed (folie) 13. West Coast Smoker (folie) 14. I’ve Got All This Ringing (ioh) 15. Ginasfs (ioh) Bonus Tracks: 16. Lake Effect Kid (lake effect kid ep) 17. “From Now On We Are Enemies” (believers never die vol. 1) 18. Jet Pack Blues (abap)

#rb this so ppl that took the survey see it!!!#i think this was sooo interesting omg... no surprises that u all love folie that much tho damn #like i almost wish i could've been like. dont pick every folie song or else </3 gkjsfsj but no i think this tracklist is good #like it isnt at all what i would pick for each track but its good!!! enough variety i think #srar deserved better.... tttyg has no songs as it deserves...#txt

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oveliagirlhaditright · 4 years ago

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I’m half-awake, so now might not be the best time to do this. But I’m doing it, anyway. I’m trying to think of all the Sora and Kairi parallels in Kingdom Hearts. And if you guys have any that I missed, be sure to add them here:)

But there’s Sora and Kairi drawing giving each other paopus.

And how Kairi’s journey through the secret place at the end of KH1 is just like Sora’s at the end of KH2.

Actually, Kairi’s journey in the cave at the end of KH1 is also a bit like Sora’s movements in there at the start of KH1, too.

And credit goes to this one video that used to be on YouTube for pointing some of these out (like this one), but the camera movement when Sora is first surrounded by Heartless in KH1 (zooming in), is the same one that’s used when Kairi’s first surrounded by Heartless in KH2. 1:12-1:13 of this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPPYDk8Qmf4 compared with this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taZudWzTxwg (1:28-1:29)

There’s also the fact that Kairi gets her Keyblade like Sora got Riku’s (that later became his). There’s all this darkness around him, and then a light and Sora has Riku’s Keyblade (later his) via the “Delivery Boy Principle). Kairi’s surrounded by darkness--Heartless--and there’s a light, and Riku has her Keyblade (via the Delivery Boy Principle), but since Kairi’s right beside him... Riku’s easily to give her Keyblade back to her.

Sora and Kairi are both dog piled by Heartless when they see each other again in KH2.

Sora and Kairi, in KH2, both refer to the other as someone who means more to them than anything. Sora says this to Saïx when he asks him, “Is she that important to you?” and Sora replies, “Yeah, more than anything.” And Saïx says to Kairi: “I’ll take you to see Sora... you don’t want that?” Kairi - “I do. More than anything. But not with you around!”

Sora has a line in KH2 where he says, “Kairi, where are you?” I think it’s when he’s in the Realm of Darkness after Maleficent saves him. And Kairi also says “Sora, where are you?” when Xemnas pulls him into a fight at a fake Memory’s Skyscraper or something.

Usually, Sora says “Riku! Kairi!”, but there are actually a few moments in KH2 where he instead says, “Kairi! Riku!”, and Kairi always goes, “Sora! Riku!” in KH2.

Both Sora and Kairi say “what is this place?” when they reach Betwixt and Between in KH2.

There’s a shot of Sora’s feet at the edge of the water in a text bubble scene in Chain of Memories (when he’s on Destiny Islands), that matches Kairi’s feet at the water at the beginning of KH1. Likewise, we see Kairi’s feet touching the turf during her first scene in KH2 (when she’s about to send Sora her letter). And we see Sora’s feet touching the ocean at the Dark Margin at the end of KH2 (when he’s about to get her letter).

Some could argue that Sora meeting Naminé and Kairi meeting Roxas are similar.

TV Tropes talks about how Kairi’s attempted journey (in KH2) to find someone dear to her that she doesn’t fully remember, is like Sora’s quest to find Naminé (who Sora was basically brainwashed into thinking was Kairi) in CoM.

There’s the fact that Kairi, like Sora, is the only Other who’s ever wanted to save their Nobody. They also wanted each other’s Nobody to be saved, too.

Neither Sora nor Kairi were chosen to be Keyblade wielders. Sora wasn’t chosen at all, and Aqua chose Kairi by accident.

Kairi, in Re:Mind, waking up when Sora calls her name, reminds me of when Sora “wakes up”, when Kairi pulls him out of the darkness by calling his name in KH1.

Kairi catching Sora in KH3 is like when he caught her at the end of KH1.

Kairi has now gone to sleep for a year like Sora did. And Kairi’s doing it to get Sora back, and he did that to at least get his memories of her back: because he didn’t want to live without them.

I think Sora telling Kairi he’ll give her “a hint” about his name in KH2, is a reference on how Kairi would be like “I guess I can give you a hint” about where Sora could find things on the Island in KH1.

Them both getting stopped by Xemnas in Re:Mind is a parallel.

Kairi sitting where Sora usually does on the paopu tree at the end of KHIII is a parallel.

Their hugs are sort of parallels to each other. In KH1, Sora hugs Kairi and she doesn’t hug him back (because of her shock). In KH2, Kairi hugs Sora and he at first doesn’t hug her back because he’s all surprised and guilty feeling. And since you could argue that Kairi at first is more enthusiastic about their hug in KH2 (since Sora doesn’t think he deserves it), Sora’s the one hyped to see Kairi from the get-go in Re:Mind (partly because she was asleep at first). And then they sort of reach for each other at the same time. But before that, in KH3, when Sora’s saving Kairi from Terranort, he’s the one hugging her again, while it takes her a minute to respond.

Sora saving Kairi at the end of KH3 has shades of, “She did this for me. I’m going to do the same for her.” Especially since both are acts of true love.

This one may not be intentional... but Kairi taking Sora aback with some of her words on the dock in KH1, may be called back when Kairi’s confused by Sora at first in Re:Mind. Sora - “Kairi, are you ready for this?” Kairi - “Huh? ...Yes.”

Kairi’s now on an adventure to save Sora, like he’s always been for her.

Likewise, Kairi’s now in the Final World trying to find Sora--seemingly succeeding--like he earlier was for her.

And there maaaaaaay, in Melody of Memory, being a parallel to Sora finding Kairi’s heart fragments in Re:Mind. Is Kairi sending Sora hear heart fragments so she can track his location and find him or something? We’ll see.

You could arguably say how they both wanted to see other worlds, but were less gung-ho about it than Riku was and always want to come home, really.

Edit: Perhaps both of them forgiven Axel for his kidnapping Kairi. And how they forgave Riku and both held his hand in KH2? Them both being best friends with Riku (and Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka). They both forgive Isa, too.

And oh! When they’re both nodding at Riku, that he has friends like them.

Edit 2: Them both having temporarily forgotten each other because of memory shenanigans, but them still remembering each other, deep down or trying to hold onto the memory of the other hard.

Edit 3: The two of them having Nobodies. And the parallel scene of Roxas returning to Sora and Naminé returning to Kairi at the end of KH2.

Edit 4: And while not a scene, Kairi having her paopu fruit in the Re:Mind menu art parallels Sora having his in the KH3 menu art. Sora and Kairi in crowns in KH3 art for him and Melody of Memory art for her.

Edit 5: Sora wielding Kairi’s lucky charm on his Keyblade when he uses Oathkeeper, and Kairi’s Keyblade has a king chess piece on it--connected by a red thread--that represents Sora. Also, a paopu.

Edit 6: Kairi in Re:Mind having attacks that look a lot like Sora’s.

Edit 7: How could I forget the “Wherever you go, I’m always with you” parallel? -sobs-

Edit 8: Sora and Kairi--in the KH3 opening movie--Sora nor Kairi summoning their Keyblade against Master Xehanort until Riku, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy show up.

Edit 9: Sora and Kairi smiling at each other, and Roxas and Naminé smiling at each other through them.

Edit 10: Sora and Kairi both throwing their fists into the air when they think they’ve defeated Xemnas.

Edit 11: Sora and Kairi pretty much have the same personality, tbh.

Edit 12: Both of them seeing Xion.

Edit 13: This probably wasn’t intentional... but Kairi and Naminé holding hands, and Sora and Roxas holding hands. And both Sora and Kairi holding Naminé’s hand.

Edit 14: Kairi leading Donald and Goofy for five seconds in KH1, like Sora usually leads them.

Edit 15: Merlin and Yen Sid teaching Kairi like they did Sora.

Edit 16: Sora and Kairi’s friendships with Hayner, Pence, and Olette.

Edit 17: The Restoration Committee looking after Sora, and then looking after Kairi for a little bit in KH1.

Edit 18: Ansem Seeker of Darkness, Xemnas, and Master Xehanort treating both Sora and Kairi like crap.

Edit 19: Sora of course helps protect Ven and Aqua. But Kairi does too, in KH3, when she tells them not to go on a suicide mission.

Edit 20: Sora and Kairi--and many of the other people she meets--is what keeps Aqua from giving up.

Edit 21: Sora now believes in Kairi, like she always has in him.

Edit 22: A really minor thing, but they’re both also friends with Mickey, of course. They both also know Pluto... and arguably Jiminy, and maybe the Fairy Godmother now?

Edit 23: Them drawing each other’s faces when they were young!

Edit 24: This is more a thing they have in common, but they arguably both dance. That, and the fact they both wear necklaces.

Edit 25: The getting separated and reaching for each other thing.

Edit 26: They’ve both sent kingstagram posts to each other now:)

Edit 27: According to Riku, they’re both lazy.

Edit 28: Kairi maybe remembers everything Sora does from his first journey. And is now maybe learning all of his memories in Melody of Memory, and other people’s too?

Edit 29: They have a similar stance when the stars are returning to the sky at the end of KH1.

Edit 30: Kairi has the same battle stance as Sora.

Edit 30.5--more art stuff--Kairi, on the KH3 cover, is holding her Keyblade like Sora did in that one KH1 image.

Edit 31: Sort of these shots of them at 1:22-1:23 in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZWhr7Bmv50.

Edit 32: Sora and arguably Kairi both saw Riku get locked behind the Door.

Edit 33: Probably not really a parallel, but Kairi doesn’t run towards Sora--as he runs towards her--at the end of KHII. But in the KHIII opening that recreated that event, she does.

Edit 34: Probably not really a parallel, tbh, but Kairi flipping her hair after she fights for the first time and showing off towards Sora, could be like him showing-off(?) in coming to help her and Axel in KHIII.

Edit 35: In Melody of Memory, is Kairi seeing Sora’s memory and he seeing hers?

Edit 36: In the Melody of Memory trailer, when Kairi says things are far from over because Sora was dead, reminds me of when Mickey says “it’s finally over”, but Sora says “no” because Kairi’s dead.

Edit 37: Sora and Kairi both raising their head in the KHII openings.

Edit 38: Some of the poetry in KH may be some of Sora’s writing to Kairi, like she writes to him?

#sokai #they both also arguably see xion #sora and Kairi's outfits also match in khiii. but they kind of match with Riku's too withhe plaid. but sora and Kairi's match more #because pink and red are close #Kairi wearing Sora's clothes in khux could maybe count ish #them summoning their keyblades of course #they've both gone into final battles #they can both warp. which I'm only bringing up because of versus xiii parallels that may have been intentional and may mean something

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homosociallyyours · 6 years ago

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2018 Fic Year in Review

I know I’m ridiculously late with this, but here we go. I was tagged (weeks ago! yike!) by @horsegirlharry -- thank you, dear!! I appreciate it <3

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 34! 11 of those are from the seasonal drabble fests, and 8 are short little ficlets under 1k, but that’s A LOT more than I’ve ever posted in a year before.

2. Word count posted for the year: 118,598. I know this is nothing for a lot of folks, but this is easily double what I’ve written in the entire time I’ve had an AO3 account up til now. I have always said that it’s important to keep writing if you feel like it even if you only have a few readers, but this is change in stats is all down to people liking, commenting on, and sharing my works. It really makes a difference to have other writers rec your work and be excited about what you’re writing, so...support your fellow content creators, people!

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting) I’m not gonna link drabbles, but they’re easy enough to find if you wanna! -Are You Gonna Be My Girl -In 36 Questions or Less -This Opening Monologue Studies Rainbows -4am -One of Those Days When You’ve Got Nothing On -I’ll Say It Everyday -Talk That Talk -I Love It When We Play 1950 -Mudpies -Just Swipe Right -Ready to Run Away -The World It Turns, No Matter What -These Days I Don’t Even Know Myself -Half of the Story -Just to See That Smile -In the Cards -Can’t Beat the Heat/Taste on Your Tongue/Cool Cool Cool -I Believe it This Time -Our Own Little French Club -I’m Half a Heart Without You, Baby -You Shine Like the Real Thing -On the Road Again With You -A Love So True You Don’t Have to Be Afraid -Our House (It’s A Very Fine House) -Are You Thorny, Baby? -When Everything is Perfect -Our Friends Keep Talkin’ About Us -The Christmas Lift -The Cold/Comfort/Christmas Cuddles -You Bring Us Together (Can’t Tear Us Apart)

4. Fandoms I wrote for: All the fic I published on AO3 was for One Direction, though I did publish a few ficlets for Sherlock (this is my favorite of those, a little parentlock featuring genderqueer Ro Watson)

5. Pairings: Harry/Louis, Liam/Zayn, Sherlock/John

6. Story with the most hits: Talk That Talk with 3531 hits

7. Story with the most kudos: The Christmas Lift with 264

8. Story with the most comments: The Christmas Lift with 22 comment threads

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Probably “You Bring Us Together (Can’t Tear Us Apart)” because it was ot5 and I really struggled with working out some of the plot points near the end.

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why): None. Writing isn’t easy and I do the best that I can with everything I write :)

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: UGHHH THIS WAS TOO HARD. So eventually I gave up and picked this little bit from “Our Own Little French Club” because I love Harry’s sweet gay fantasy moment. “Maybe next semester. I requested it, anyway,” Louis said, clicking to the red ink of Harry’s four color pen and doodling in the margins of the notebook in front of her. With anyone else, Harry would’ve requested they move to a new page. But Louis? She could leave her mark wherever she liked.That thought spurred on a fantasy of Louis drawing a line up from Harry’s bare knee and under the soft fabric of her skirt, the pen skidding over her skin until Louis held it taut with her free hand. A free hand that could slide up, too. Up and--“Hazza.” Louis’ voice interrupted Harry’s reverie and she closed her eyes to clear the images from her head. “Did you hear what I asked?”

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received: The reviews on “You Shine Like the Real Thing” are my absolute favorite because a lot of people have said that they’ve struggled with what Harry struggles with in the fic--figuring out their identity and expression as they come out as LGBTQ+ As someone who struggled to find the femme identity that feels like my home, I’m glad to be able to share some of that through fiction.

13. A time when writing was really, really hard: Always, honestly! I’m struggling with fatigue and chronic illness, and some days I just don’t have the ability or energy to focus and get words out coherently.

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Writing as Louis in my 5 days of Louis series (incomplete, but the final fic is actually pretty much finished and just needs a little polish) was surprising for me, because I think it was one of the first times I wrote from Louis’ POV and I found it so comfortable.

15. How did you grow as a writer this year: I wrote longer fics than I ever had before--that’s probably the main thing. I also signed up for the big bang and am working on a fic that will end up being twice as long as the longest thing I’ve written so far, so that’s pretty big for me too!

16. How do you hope to grow next year: I’d like to maybe set word goals for myself to meet every month and do my best to publish fic more regularly (in addition to doing challenges)

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): My beta, @statementlou, has been my number one cheerleader and inspiration, always giving me prompts when I need them and encouraging me to keep writing when I felt like walking away from something. @harryincamp has also been there for me and always supports my fics in the best ways. I’m glad we met on here! Also, the community of writers in the 1d fandom has been such a positive influence!! I’m gonna tag a ton of people, though I’ll probably leave some people out. Basically I felt welcomed and included by so many people right from the start of joining this fandom. So. Massive thanks to: @lululawrence, @horsegirlharry, @gaycousinlarry, @fullonlarrie, @suddenclarityharry, @disgruntledkittenface, @crinkle-eyed-boo, @rosegoldhlfics, @allwaswell16, @a-brighter-yellow, and @helloamhere I KNOW I AM FORGETTING PEOPLE. FUCK!!!

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Yeah, basically writing girl direction has allowed me to bring a lot of my life to my writing. Lesbian not-dates? Femme identity issues? Definitely my life. Also my last fic of the year, the ot5 reunion fic, was set in the Bay Area, which let me use some of my experiences living here. I’ll probably do that more this year, tbh!

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: If you like something another writer has done, comment and subscribe to their work and don’t be afraid to message them. Most people want to talk about their work, and having people to message with when you’re struggling to feel inspired is immensely helpful.

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: MY BIG BANG FIC OMG!!! It’s a girl direction AU set in a lesbian bookstore in 1970s NYC, and I’m loving writing it so far. After that’s done, I’m thinking of tackling the Sherlock/1D crossover fic that I’ve been scheming over for a year now. It’s time!! Beyond that...I’ve no idea!

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. OK, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this thing from a lot of people in the 1d fandom, so I’m just going to tag some writers in other fandoms and folks I don’t *think* have done it. If you haven’t done it yet and want to, please do!! Tag me in so I see your answers :)

@aprillikesthings @velvetnoodle @zooeyscigar @perpetuallyvex @ennisgarlaend @pendragoff

This was a lot of fun! Thank you for giving me the chance to look back over the year <3 I hope some other folks will do the same!!

#about me #my writing #1d #long post #text post #year in review #i am so proud of how much i've written #and how much i like what i've written

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lovingnikiforov · 6 years ago

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2018 Fic Writing Round-Up

Total year-long word count: 632,603+ words…..that’s about double what I wrote for 2017 omfg

Word count by fandom: ~ Bungou Stray Dogs: 461,813+ ~ Yuri on Ice: 166,925 ~ Kuroshitsuji: 3,865

Fics completed: 33

♥ Drabbles: ~ 5 twitter prompt fills - bsd

♥ Oneshots: ~ All Dolled Up - bsd, soukoku, pwp, wyll companion ~ Workaholic - bsd, ranpoe, canon -compliant ~ Kids Again - bsd, soukoku, bartender au ~ like a moth - bsd, soukoku, mafia boss chuuya ~ Five Steps - bsd, soukoku, royalty au ~ Writer’s Block - bsd, soukoku, sugar daddy Chuuya ~ What About Trust? - bsd, soukoku, dark era ~ On the Clock - bsd, soukoku, secret relationship, au ~ A Warlord’s Conscience - bsd, kousano, feudal era au ~ No-Show - bsd, soukoku, canon-compliant ~ Sorely Missed - bsd, soukoku, hogwarts au ~ what a pair - bsd, soukoku, sugar daddy Chuuya, Writer’s Block sequel ~ Propriety - bsd, soukoku, royalty au, Five Steps sequel ~ Something to Lose - bsd, soukoku, wyll companion ~ Perfectly Pleasant - bsd, soukoku, college au ~ Shattered Glass - kuroshitsuji, gen, canon-compliant ~ A Phone Call Away - bsd, higugin, canon-compliant, manga spoilers ~ hide the truth - bsd, soukoku, amnesiac Chuuya au, canon-compliant ~ Playing Human - bsd, soukoku, pwp, incubus Chuuya, vampire Dazai ~ Unplottable - bsd, soukoku, hogwarts au, Sorely Missed sequel ~ Closer to Home - bsd, soukoku, established relationship, canon-compliant ~ A Stupid Question - bsd, soukoku, dark era (patreon exclusive) ~ Private Lessons - bsd, soukoku, pwp, like a moth sequel (patreon exclusive) ~ New Normal - bsd, soukoku, secret relationship (patreon early-release/coming soon!)

♥ Chapter Fics: ~ Shared Gravity - bsd, soukoku, college au, joint fic with ZODIACHUUYA ~ Equivalent Exchange - yoi, viktuuri, magic/fantasy au ~ where your loyalties lie - bsd, soukoku, arranged marriage/yakuza au ~ Rent a (boy)Friend - yoi, phichuuri, fake dating au

Works-in-progress: ~ even on the darkest night - bsd, gen/kyouka-centric, dystopia au, dyetyd sequel

This year I wrote and posted: 34 fics in total: 4 completed multi-chapter fics, 1 wip multi-chapter fic, 24 oneshots, 5 drabbles.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? So, so much more. I almost can’t believe how much I managed to write this year.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Kuroshitsuji. It’s not a fandom I’ve ever written for and the fic I did write was a gift fic and a prompt fill.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? Ahhh that’s hard, there are a handful of stories I am really happy with. I suppose I’ll have to go with hide the truth it was a beast of a story to write and I had a lot of fun working through soukoku’s dynamic in it.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Big time! I’ve been using my fic writing to really challenge myself in terms of my stories. My biggest risk was just in terms of quantity, I spent much of the year juggling four wips and a patreon with additional content. Getting through everything month-to-month was hard but it really helped my efficiency and increased my writing speed.

Your best story of this year: Hmm, this is a hard one. Honestly, I’d have to say Equivalent Exchange. It was a massive undertaking with a lot of characters and plot lines to keep track of. As a fantasy piece, the worldbuilding was extremely intensive.

Your most popular story of this year: By a slim margin with EE, my most popular story this year was where your loyalties lie.

Story of yours most under-appreciated by the universe, in your opinion: Any rare-pair story is going to have a hard time getting views, but I honestly think A Warlord’s Conscience is one of my best stories of the year and it was my third least popular fic.

Most fun story to write: The Hogwarts AU verse (Sorely Missed and Unplottable) was a lot of fun! I was a big HP nerd growing up so it was enjoyable to dive back into the universe.

Story with the single sexiest moment: Playing Human. By a long mile. Easily one of the most explicit stories I’ve written for bsd. Honorable mention goes to All Dolled Up.

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: This honor also goes to Playing Human. I grew up really religious and they’re in a church and I did not back away from any form of sacrilege.

Story that shifted your own perceptions of the characters: Hmmm, I can’t say I had any real shift in character perceptions this year.

Hardest story to write: where your loyalties lie. There was a lot going on in that story and the character development/journeys were really delicate, especially for Chuuya.

Biggest disappointment: tbh...I don’t think I feel disappointed with any of my stories this year. Progress!

Biggest surprise: Writer’s Block, I wasn’t expecting people to like it as much as they did, much less to the degree of requesting a sequel.

Most unintentionally telling story: where your loyalties lie. Anyone who read the Author’s Commentary of the fic probably has a good grasp of how many of my personal struggles over the course of the year got projected into the fic. There were also a few other personal things from years past that also get referenced.

Favorite opening line(s): ~ There was something that came alive when the sun went down. - Playing Human ~ Sometimes Dazai finds it hard not to think that the person responsible for making text cursors blink just had a sick sense of humor rather than any practical reasoning for the programming decision. - Writer’s Block

Favorite closing line(s): ~ It felt like a dagger in the gut to know that he’d already made his choice. - What About Trust? ~ And if Viktor is imagining the way the moonlight seems to shine brighter when they pull back from their embrace, well, he can’t quite see a problem with that. - Equivalent Exchange

Favorite 5 line(s) from anywhere: ~ He can trace the features of the figures depicted, all wholly inaccurate but it’s not as if the religious painters would bother to consult a vampire on matters like the faces of the figures they exalted to sainthood. - Playing Human ~ The very idea is absurd but it is the only explanation that explains both his pain and the fact that he is holding a building in his hands, lifting through dense fog to float in mid-air and stare at…at…Is that a fucking dragon? - hide the truth ~ It takes a bigger effort to get to his feet than it ever has, and for a moment Chuuya wonders if his ability is working against him, if gravity has decided to press down on him in retribution for every time Chuuya has ever felt weightless - wyll, ch. 13 ~ A dependency on alcohol is gradually self-destructive, a dependency on a person is instantly debilitating. - wyll, ch. 11 ~ Just as Viktor said, it's nothing like a duel, but Yuri wishes someone had told him that a real battle was as close to hell as a living human could get. - EE, ch. 18

Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated: ~ Yuuri showing up on the battlefield - Equivalent Exchange (ch. 18) ~ Chuuya’s tattoo - wyll (ch. 20) ~ Kouyou standing in the garden - A Warlord’s Conscience ~ Drunk Phichit and Yuuri dancing salsa - Rent a (boy)Friend (ch. 8) ~ tbh any bit from All Dolled Up

Fic-writing goals for next year: Hmm, I’ve been toying with trying my hand with a new fandom. It’s been a while since I’ve taken that jump with new characters so I’d like to do that in 2019!

#dessa.txt #fic tag #t: my fic #t: fic review #long posts

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i-want-my-iwtv · 7 years ago

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My mom got me into The Vampire Chronicles a couple months back, and now I’m looking for the fandom. Why is the fandom so small? Why is there so little fanfiction? I often have to write fanfiction that I want to read. (Which is fine by me, it’s just I’m not that good at writing.)

Hey, welcome to our little corner of tumblrland! Share your fanfic with us, step out into the light, Anon! I’m often critical of my own writing, and I often have a beta reader, a dear friend who gives me constructive criticism and even rewrites lines if I ask her to do so, like an editor, a beta can offer a huge improvement on one’s writing. Maybe you’d like to find a beta reader?

-PREAMBLE SORRY BUT I MUST- and no TL;DR for it-

Sometimes when ppl ask those questions, Why is the fandom so small and Where is the fanfic b/c I can’t find it, it’s argument bait, I’m sorry to say.

But I’m taking it at face value that you are somewhat or totally unaware of our history, that your mom might not know, and that you are not putting out bait for argument. I’ll try to give you a synopsis in good faith, and hope that other ppl see this post as such. I’m not interested in taking sides, reopening those old wounds for the millionth time. I think of us as the bastard children of fandom, beaten in to a corner by a formerly abusive parent, and we are survivors of that. As such, I would hope that we could offer each other even more compassion than other fans in other fandoms. It doesn’t always work that way. Things can be misread and emotions misinterpreted; this is a text-based communication so we are cheated of facial and verbal cues, it is far too easy to misread intention.

What draws ppl to VC? From what I’ve learned over the years, a lot of us felt marginalized in one way or another and we related to something in VC, we drew strength from it as we were struggling with something in real life. It helped at a time that we needed it. It might still help us. Some ppl just like the purple prose! For real!

Whatever the case, and however you choose to engage with canon or fandom, no one’s relationship to the books or characters supersedes anyone else’s. Not mine, not yours, Anon. We all have our own personal relationship with it. I hesitate to use the word “valid,” bc no one needs “validation” to love a book series or character(s). No one can be “invalidated” for loving a book series or character(s).

I was in fandom before the internet, and even tho, as I’ll mention below, it was with only one other flesh-and-blood friend, we had our own 2-person fandom! We liked what we liked. We didn’t agree on everything, we still don’t, but it was always civil, and any argument was always based on curiosity and trying to gain a better understanding from each other. It was never about this public display we have now on tumblr and other social networking sites of idk, “My 10K notes means my opinion supercedes yours!”? I don’t subscribe… Unless those 10K notes are turning into dollars, then we’ll revisit it, lol.

What even is the point of my blog? It’s for entertainment, my own experience, a collection of other ppl’s experience, and fanworks. When ppl say that I exert all this influence on an army of ppl, I am, in actuality, preaching to a big pile of cats, that’s how it feels. I serve catnip to cats. That’s the intention, anyway.They don’t even Like some of it, I’ll get like 5 notes on this post, lol. I have no need to be Right. I have no need to be anything other than a brief reprieve from how insane Real Life is and can be.

Fandom isn’t a contest. No one is keeping score. No one even knows your follower count unless you tell ppl (and I wouldn’t, bc even if you only have 10 more followers than smne else, it generally leads to envy).

TL;DR for the below info: The fandom was small, but it’s growing now, and there is fanfic, try here on tumblr, and try Archiveofourown.org (AO3). Fandom, however, like Real Life, takes your own work to make what you can of it.

FRICKIN’ WALL OF TEXT™ NO CUTS WE LONGPOST LIKE MEN

A) The fandom is was small bc:

^Gawds this is gonna be me on the outside eventually, it’s me on the inside sometimes lol.

It’s an old fandom, over 40 years old! IWTV, the first book in the series, was published in 1976.

Back then, fandom was just the ppl you could gather together, physical mailing lists, idk. It progressed to zines, probably, like other fandoms, but you had to know who was making them. I wasn’t born yet so I don’t know!

As the internet was born, ppl began to find each other on webrings, but even then, it was hard, bc Anne Rice did not approve of fanfic. So you had to know where to look or be lucky enough to stumble upon it.

By the early 90′s when I came into VC, there were some fic sites like Rotoli dela Lune (IIRC?) but AR waged a #war on fanfic, sending threatening cease & desist letters to writers, and that made everything EVEN HARDER to find.

There were official VC graphic novels for a few of the first books and they are hilarious and cringey. Here’s Louis feeding on Daniel jeez… Looks like he wants a lick of the trachea first?

Of course, the IWTV movie in 1994 (in development hell for nearly 20 years) did bring in a wave of new fandom ppl, but they really only found whoever they physically met bc of the movie, and the VC books that were out at the time. Meeting in the audience at the movie? Or in bookstores in the Fantasy/Horror section under R, maybe? Probably?

[X] And TBH the movie got backlash bc it was reviewed as being too gay to some, and as not gay enough, but overall, it did well financially and is still considered smtg of a cult classic bc they drag it out and show it on TV leading up to Halloween or whenever Tom and Brad have new movies out ;D (one near-to-Halloween weekend I watched it 4 times, and that was too many, even for me).

Which was my situation, I had my one VC friend, we met in middle school bc I saw her reading QOTD on the bus, I pestered her that morning, and she had to tolerate almost 20 years of my fannish behavior ever since, all directed at her like a fire hydrant, and then she forced me to start a Tumblr and here we are.

*ahem*

We had another small influx of fans with movie!QOTD in 2002, but as the story was barely tethered to canon, and for a number of other reasons, idk if it was the blockbuster ppl had hoped it would be. STILL, there are fandom ppl who find it nostalgic, or love it and embrace it even admitting its canon non-compliance. So I try not to trample it too hard, but trampling it hard was once encouraged! anyway… suffice it to say, someone(s) has to watch it with me and mock it to help me through it, lol.

In 2012, we got a graphic novel of Claudia’s POV during IWTV called Claudia’s Story. You can find it on Amazon.

B) The fanfic IS out there.

CURRENTLY, the fandom is experiencing a revival, we liiiiive!

with the recently published books and AR no longer fights the fanfic writers! Woo!

AR has a FB page and an official VC FB page, where she communicates with her People of the Page and whoever else comments on her posts.

There’s also a thriving community of ppl here on tumblr, who make fanart, write fic, do podcasts, write meta, cosplay, etc. Dig around in my archive and you’ll find them. We just did a @vcsecretgifts exchange and there’s fanfic in there.

Another great place to find fanfic is archiveofourown.org (AO3). You can set up an account and post your fanfic there, and I bet you’ll find readers who want what you have to offer!

There’s also fanfiction.net, and wattpad, but I don’t know those sites very well.

^^^All this taken into account, the thing is, anon, fandom is not an open door.

Fandom is not a ballroom with everyone listing their url name down and committing to staying or even having civility, we can’t make a VC RP directory bc inevitably ppl aren’t invited for whatever reason, and feel left out, or they move on to another fandom anyway. It’s not everyone extending their dance-cards for you to sign your blog url for a dance with EVERYONE. We have had arguments and in-fighting, call-out posts, cliques… there are heated posts about certain characters or ships still getting reblogged with their 10K+ notes and an implication that if you “like” those certain characters or ships, that you’re contributing to real world harm.

Fiction’s affect on reality is a debate that’s started before the internet and will go on as long as we are capable of communicating. Societies have waves of being more or less pure, like a pendulum. That’s not the focus of my blog.

All debates aside, fandom is what you make it, it’s not guaranteed easy friendship. I once thought it was, but I learned the hard way that it’s very much like real life. You have to do the work of finding and reaching out to those ppl who you find a spark of connection with, and actively nurture that spark. On a public site, you have to extend yourself and show some opinions and thoughts, gush about what you love, reblog from ppl who you relate to, and gradually build your own network of friends. Nothing is handed to you. No one will crowd into your inbox bc your url sounds cool (well, maybe a few urls get attention bc of that!)(there is an exception to every rule).

So whenever I say “Welcome to our little corner of tumblrland!” I mean it, I do welcome all, and I hope that I’m going to see you flourish as you make your way into the space. Are you a new fanartist, or writer, or someone who’s supportive even if they don’t have the skills to create fanwork of their own? A combination? Show us, and reach out, and if we’re compatible, we’ll reach back.

#Anonymous #anon #ask #you didnt ask for this but #advice #on fandom #bc of reasons #long post #NO CUTS WE LONG POST LIKE MEN #vc #vampire chronicles #war on fanfic #gif #thats bait #note from the addict

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tumblunni · 7 years ago

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AWW C’MON FFXIV

one of the biggest barriers to me getting back into it is just how SLOW the beginning is when you don’t have any friends to help you out like it legit took me a whole week of constant grinding just to reach level 15! FIFTEEN! IUts really fuckin slow even by usual mmo standards! and like.. all that slow is supplimented by huge amounts of quests and story and being required to do that main story in order to access goddamn ANYTHING, such as (for example) the additional hairstyle customization options you get at level 15 which I KINDA GRINDED SIX DAYS FOR, ONLY TO FIND OUT I NEEDED TO FINISH 8 MAIN STORYLINE QUESTS FIRST.

Like normally i would be HAPPY for an MMO that has loads of well made story scenes and ties progression more to quests than to grinding. But its just.. so unappealing to me?? Its That One Style Of Storytelling That Turns Me Off Immediately. I fuckin hate pretentious fairytale stylings. like not even when its told in the nostalgic writing style of a kids’s story or has a fairytale art aesthetic, those are some of my FAVOURITE THINGS. Nah when its the nostalgic writing style of fuckin specifically shakespeare and the only aesthetic is fuckin tolkein AGAIN. Like its really fuckin noticeable that the entire FF series has a bazillion original species in every other game but as soon as they made an mmo its Now Only Elves And Dwarves And Giants. And like.. the one anime addition of catgirls, and also making orcs/demons fuckin boring bishounen people with ‘all men are dragony and all women are 12 year old lolis with hair decorations’ as a fuckin species trait.o r I guess maybe the roegadyn are both orcs and giants combined and the au’ra got all of the leftover terrible traits..? And that’s 80 times more obnoxious when everyone talks like YE OLDE FUCKIN LITERATURE CLASSE AYE MY BOY YONDER DAWN DOTH BREAK OVER BIGASS FUCKOFF MOUNTAIN, HERE TAKE A STICK AND KILL 5 SLIMES like they literally fuckin sub ‘nightsoil’ for ‘shit’. this is an actual thing that someone thought would sound clever and fantasy-ish, instead of like an internet parody... And as far as I know the japanese version doesn’t even do this?? And neither did japanese FF12?? I FEEL SO LIED TO! Like these two worlds are still the most simultaneously cliche and overdeveloped ever, but i would at least enjoy my experience marginally more if the wall of text didnt stretch out every word to its maximum syllable potential..

BUT YKNOW DESPITE THAT DESPITE THAT BEING MY PROBLEM I AM NOW SAD AT FFXIV MAKING EXACTLY THE FIX FOR ME

They added a REALLY interesting and Dear God Relief feature where you can literally buy your way to the start of the latest expansion, story-wise. Which is a really great idea tbh, it kinda sucks to see ‘level requirement 80 must have beaten main story’ on this entire separate thing that you just bought. Kid me was dumb and didnt read all the conditions on old FFXI stuff... And I mean, anyone who complains about this being pay to win is being a dumbass, since all it does is promote you to the base level required for that storyline. Like the maximum here is level 60 with the equivelant job quests finished, so like.. there’s at least One Thing that makes you less than horribly underprepared compared to everyone else, but you’re still just a newbie wearing big boy pants. You can never pay to win for any level anywhere near the cap, it’s just pay to skip the more boring beginner sections. And probably get your ass kicked after cos all u hav is base equipment and none of the optional sidequets content or learned experience from the actual story...

BUT STILL I’M MAD BECAUSE there’s no way to do this without skipping the story!! your 60 levels of beginner quests are flagged as complete and you can never even see what you missed unless you watch someone else’s lets play i guess

and I know I just said that the story is really cumbersome and slow and badly written and cliche and i have no investment in anything but like that’s only 99% true, I actually WAS interested in the job training plotlines! a smaller self-contained sidequest with a cast of mentor npcs and story directly tied to your combat strength, rather than having to mop up loads of way underlevelled quests arbitrarily just to unlock the ability to actually exceed that level. gahhh Also i have a soft spot for the thieves guild- umm i mean the ‘seamstresses’ (or what was the actual joke about it? i think that was the discworld version XD) Mostly because they don’t talk like overly fancy pricks but also dont have too much of an over the top fakey oliver twist poor person voice. have I mentioned how its double annoying playing this game as a brit and hearing EVERYONE as some american guy doing the most stereotypical accent? Its a japanese game, why did you even do this!! srsly, this and ff12 have so many of the same dub fail. Oh, but also i like the thieves guild cos their plot is actually somewhat interesting, with the secrecy and stuff, instead of just I Am Mentor Man I Am Good At Job But Probably Tsundere Or Something For Six Hours. Also nice that there’s a full cast of this piratey crew and you get to interact with bossman’s admin guys sometimes, and get a general sense that he’s the comedic bumbler that’s only kept alive by their competance. (I call it.. the Plumeria Principle..)

Oh and lol also even if i could skip the story bits I hated, i probably wouldnt cos this thing is so fuckin Lore that i’d be completely lost... T_T But aaaa its tempting!! Cos I picked a bad starting town that had a plot and mentor npc that I didnt really care for, and now i really wanna switch to (weirdly enough) the one for gridania the land of the most boring elves and none of the job classes I want to use. She was just a really cool character! I can’t remember the pirate town equivelant tho, I just think that was my fave town aesthetic and fave jobs and stuff but the npcs were boring. I want elf mom!!! But seriously after fuckin SO MUCH WORK getting to level 20 before i decided i wanted to restart AAAA and then i wasted a bunch of my money on appearance change coupons to try and sate the restart temptation but then i realised No It Was Elf Mom I Miss so now i have a bunch of that cash shop content on that character and its impossible to transfer or somethin?? i couldnt even figure out how to send money between your own characters, which sucks cos some really nice guy gave me 30000 gold for no reason when i first started up the game and i legit DID NOT KNOW HOW TO USE CHAT YET so i was like running after him all WAAAAIT LET ME FIND THE KEYBOARD TO SAY THANKS xD But then i was just using that character to check out some of the other intro towns, it wasnt my main so i never used the money :(

so yeah anyway now I’m stuck here grumpy and debating whether i should buy this aaaaa and i cant even remember the name of the clearly-a-thief-but-dont-call-it-that class so i can pick the right thing to buy... And also i dont know if this only skips job training quests and not main story quests? or if there’s any way to recap main story quests at least? so it might not be as bad as I think. And maybe i could just pick whatever class I hate most to get all the exp in, and then i can have the level requirement to use my damn expansion but still go back and restart another job questline. and it’d probably be easier lol with all the boosts of having some other job high levelled! wonder if there’s a job with a terrible plotline that jus coincidentally lines up as a great thief supporter...?

#blunni thoughts

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pantestudines · 7 years ago

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Do the multiples of 10 for the ask thing

Sure!10. Do you believe in love at first sight?I’m by no means the first or only person to say this, but i believe in attraction at first sight that could potentially grow into love. 20. Do you shower every day?Yup! Twice if i have a reason to, like bandcamp. 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?While there are things i would change about my body, plastic surgery isnt really gonna help any of those things. so no. 40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?Used to write Haiku’s about people but i stopped. never really wrote FOR someone but ABOUT people when I did. 50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?We didnt really break up in an apology kind of way? It was a failed attempt and, in hindsight, we both agree and mutually moved past it. and tbh she wasnt exactly my true love anyways...60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?Never had a “partner” really but the 1 person i’ve dated was a year older than me because everyone in my class is a year older than me...70. What turns you on?Romantic part of me says: Interest in me, Shy but passionate about life, Similiar but not exact interests, being close to someone on an emotional levelLess Romantic side of me says: Knee High socks, Chokers, Collar bones, and basically anyone who is out of my league if we are being honestDepressed, realistic side of me says: Lets be real hear, in love I’d be “turned on” by literally anyone who showed marginal interest in wanting be be close to me80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?Besides family? uh... I sometimes Platonicaly tell my friends I love them. Probably something like that.

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beansprouts · 3 years ago

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I apologize for the unintended condescension; I wanted to joke back with you. The languages weren’t intended for bragging; those are lyrics from this year’s eurovision songs in Russian, Italian, and Croatian respectively, none of which I speak (though I wish I did tbh). I’m also going to apologize for this rather disproportionate reply, but even though the OP was a joke, this is actually something very important to me. I want to be clear here.

When I say every language is beautiful, that is not an aesthetic judgment. That is descriptive linguistic fact. Languages cannot be predicted: they are constantly in shift by their population, and (in order to count as languages) they have infinite possibilities. How do we compare the beauty of things that are not only constantly changing, but also contain the possibility to express almost anything?

But more importantly, when I say every language is beautiful, that is a political statement. Promoters of ‘standard languages’ will have everyone else believing less spoken languages are inferior, ugly, less ‘suitable’ to artistic pursuits. Those aren’t accurate judgments. That is imperialism. That is oppression. All over the world, that is happening with every language that isn’t English, because English has international hegemony over culture. It also happens with every indigenous language in a colonized land, and also with marginalized languages and language variants (like Catalonian or AAE).

This might not seem like a big deal with a language like Dutch which is spoken by over 20 million people worldwide. But languages die every day. This is a slow process, starting with something as simple as people deciding their language is ugly, often when another authority imposes laws or prevents the teaching of it, and occurring over hundreds of years until there are no speakers left.

The only way to prevent this is to speak it. And sing it! Build culture.

What do we mean when we listen to a song and consider its language beautiful? I’m a classically trained singer, and like almost everyone in the US and Europe I was trained in the Western musical tradition. The Western musical way is decended almost directly from Italian and to a larger extent from other Latin based languages. So, naturally, western singers are trained to emphasize the sounds that exist in Latin (for instance what singers call ‘pure’ vowels). And sounds that don’t exist in Latin are supposed to be de-emphasized, and as a result we often consider them “ugly,” because we are trained to.

Let me give an example. In linguistics we use the word fricative to refer to a type of sound that is made by blowing air while you speak. Dutch has a few of these that don’t exist in English or Latin: for instance the second sound in acht, or the first sound in geeuw. This sound can be unfamiliar to those who don’t speak a Germanic language, and it can sound strange. Language learners will be told this is an “ugly” sound, not to sing it, not to emphasize it. Are fricatives ugly, then? ....well, Latin has a handful of fricatives too. Hell, the first sound in the word fricative is literally a fricative too (and one that exists in Latin). Think about it, is the ffffff sound more “beautiful” in an objective sense than the achhhhh sound? Latin has plenty of fffffffs, so why do we consider Latin beautiful then?

Literally just imperialism.

Western society subtly trains us that certain sounds are beautiful, and certain sounds are ugly. It’s analogous to how Western society subtly trains us that large bodies are shameful, or darker skin is ugly. Beauty standards are an act of colonialism. Like so many unconscious biases, though, we can observe it in ourselves and challenge it.

Where can we start? Well, the Western musical tradition isn’t the only way to do music! If we let Latin be the only thing that determines when a sound is beautiful, we will lose a lot of lovely music. This response is based on my own musical and linguistic training but my opinions have also been heavily influenced by Adam Neely’s Music Theory and White Supremacy. It’s a long video but I highly recommend it. He does a pretty convincing job of showing that what society (and by extension, people) considers “beautiful” music is often unintentionally racist. It also showcases some other very beautiful music traditions. It’s not about language in particular, but I think it’s relevant here.

And just to hammer in the point, I found a recent electro-hiphop song in Dutch that is nice.

I’m not saying you have to like it, or enjoy hearing a language, but please do not refer to it as ugly. For the sake of fighting colonialism, for the sake of linguistic accuracy, and for the sake of musical diversity.

stop complaining abt countries singing in english lmao sometimes you don't have a choice bro some languages are just ugly homie sometimes you just want the audience to know what you're singing abt dude

#*in which i make my linguistics degree everyone's problem*#please please please do not harass OP #i did not write this to school them #i wrote this because i don't want anyone to hate their own language #that breaks my heart #this goes out to everyone who speaks a non-english language #one time i had an hour long argument with a dude in my dorm who disagreed with language revitalization #this is very important to me.#linguistics #multilingualism #sociolinguistics #phonetics #beansprouts commentates #beansprouts replies

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ellipsesarefun · 8 years ago

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Otayuri Fic Recs #1

References: Summary, Thoughts, * (Complete)

1. * The Beauty of Dawn by Phoenix_Rising719 >> In which Dawn causes the Night's Guard to fawn over him like no other from one chance encounter. Aka: Yuri does his job in a way that catches Otabek's eye and makes him realize that he needs to get to know this child better. Or something like that... >> MY FAVORITE. ALL THE FLUFF, FLUFF, FLUFF. This is a fluff machine... These two are the most adorable! I love their dynamics and their first sight and first meet to the mutual pining to their get together is just brilliantly written.

2. * Summer Daze by lalazee >>Three Times Yuri Tried to Seduce His Camp Counselor and the Fourth Time It Worked.Written for Otayuri Week, Day 4: Long distance/visits.(This fic contains Yuri in love with Otabek from age eleven. It contains Otabek strongly noticing Yuri from age seventeen. There is no underage sexual activity, including kissing.) >> Yuri is adorable af! And the pining is just brewing and it lingers still after the years he hasn’t seen Otabek. I’m so in love with just how the pining was portrayed in this fic..

3. * he’s beauty, he’s grace, he’ll punch you in the face by scribblemetimbers >>Yuri doesn't know why his little student is in this boxing gym -- he's seen no less than five people getting bashed in the face -- but he has a Bad Feeling about it.OR: While Yuri Plisetsky HAS grown enough to be marginally less angry when someone insults and harasses him - "The wisdom of age," Viktor would nod sagely, and Yuri would punch him in the leg - he will totally Throw The Fuck Down when it's directed at someone else. Especially when he has a soft spot HE WILL NEVER ADMIT TO for them and they're, like, barely past his hip. >> BOXER OTABEK IS MY LIFE! The fight between Yuri and that douche was well described and the first meet between Beka and Yuri was so beautiful and hilarious all the time. This is definitely something to read over and over again.

4. * what are we by otabek >> Yuri is bad with words and Otabek smells good. >> Just from the summary I already fell in love with this fic. Their relationship just goes in a soup full of ambiguity and the ending just added a new flavor to officiate their romantic relationship.

5. * admiration in falling asleep by calliopinaround >>Rooming with Otabek is fine. It really is—they’re best friends, Otabek is the perfect roommate, and there’s nothing about each other that they don’t already know to make it weird.(Except Yuri hadn’t known that Otabek walks around only in his pajama bottoms in the morning, or what he smells like right out of the shower, or that he likes his coffee with two sugars and nothing else, or that he has a knack for losing the television remote regardless of where he puts it, or that he keeps his keys on his nightstand and nowhere else, or that he opens the blinds half-way first thing in the morning to let the sunrise in…)So it’s fine. It really is. Yuri likes this arrangement, and no matter how many looks Mila gives him, that’s the truth.He just wishes it sounded like all of the truth. >> Roommates AU. What more can I say than hop on and read it till you memorize the lines and the dialogue and everything good about this fic.

6. * you were the song stuck in my head by minorseventh >>“Not a good day,” he says simply. “Play me something.”Otabek says nothing, doesn't acknowledge that he recognizes the nameless voice on the other end of the line, just chooses a track and lets the music fill the late-night radiowaves.Yuri recognizes the tune and smiles like a fool in love. Which, by the way, he totally, totally isn’t. >> THIS. THIS. PINING. AND PINING. AND SONGS. A drop of pining, a dash of music and a pinch of DJ!Otabek is the best combination. READ THIS.

7. * you are my favorite ‘what if’ by minorseventh >>By now, Otabek has learned to never let his hopes up: he’s been let down too many times. But he can’t help but imagine that this may be the face to the lovely anonymous dancer who’s been calling the station nearly every night now.There is no way, Otabek convinces himself. No way it’s him.(Spoiler alert: it’s him.) >> This is the sequel to #6 and it’s Beka’s side of the story!! Features candy canes of PINING AND MUSIC. The series isn’t finish, btw and I can’t wait for more to come!!

8. * One for the Road by Lumieres >> “Please, take me away —“ Yuri’s text had been so abrupt that Otabek had to glance at his phone once more to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.(Or: Yuri is so focused on his career, he doesn’t notice Otabek slowly falling in love with him.) >> If there’s Pining Yuri, then there’s Pining Otabek and an Oblivious Yuri. All in Otabek’s POV. Motorbike rides and building climbing are the best date nights. Go check this out and succumb to the pining.

9. * Fanfic Fairy Tale by Zetal (Rodinia) >> One day Otabek gets a package. He opens it and when he's done staring at the book trying to make this make any kind of sense, he decides to wait for Yuri's call before figuring it out. They read the book together, commenting on the ridiculousness of it.Or the one where one of Yuri's fangirls sends Otabek her fanfic in the form of a fancy book. >> There’s nothing more hilarious than reading a fanfic of a pairing reading a fanfic. *queue inceptionnn* I love every bit of this fic and I love the otayuri comments here and there. (There’s a hint of mutual pining from the two of them tbh)

10. * Skater Doll by Zetal (Rodinia) >> Yuri finds something that highly disturbs him in Otabek's hotel room.Underage warning: Yuri is 16 and Otabek 18. Nothing explicit happens. Rating for Yuri's relationship to language. >> Adorable af. Maybe Yuri should acquire a huge Beka doll in return. (better yet, a dakimura of Otabek)

11. In The Rain by zoebun >> Yuri was just walking down the street in the rain.He never expected a dark-haired stranger to share his umbrella with him, despite Yuri telling him to go fuck himself.He never expected him to live in the same apartment building as him.And he never expected a stranger he met on the street to become so much more than that. >> Beka’s a smooth as flirter and a sweetheart and a gentleman and the whole package that Yuri’s gotta keep. I’m loving every chapter and every word of this fic, I can’t get enough of this Modern AU. It’s fresh and this take on Beka’s character is exquisite.

12. Café Latte by SpecterQueen >> Inspired by this kink prompt: "Character A works a minimum wage job at Starbucks and is trying to get a second job to help pay rent, but nothing is working out. Strapped for cash, Character A tries to find themselves a Sugar Daddy to pay the bills."Basically, barista Yuri is bad at budgeting and is forced to find alternative methods to make rent. He works at a coffee shop owned by Viktor. Otabek comes from a wealthy family, and is willing to help in exchange for a questionable agreement.This is incredibly self-indulgent. Please mind the tags. Yuri is 20 going on 21 and Otabek is 25. >> It’s just two chapters in and I’m already hot for more of this fic. Beka in this fic is as mysterious as it goes but he’s a cordial fellow and respectful with Yuri’s wishes. Nice to have a guy like Beka.

13. * stray cats dream in techno by m (pistachiomadeleines) >> When Otabek shows up to St Petersburg for the weekend, Yuri tries to show him around - only to discover that Otabek knows his city better than he does. >> Wherein Yuri somehow embarrasses himself but it’s not too bad because Beka’s jamming songs and Yuri’s enjoying his time with a cat named Mango while Beka watches from afar with a fond gaze. GREAT READ.

14. * if this night is not forever, at least we are together by pllsetskyonice (hma1313) >> It starts with a doodle in the margin of his art history notes that, when he looks at it from the right angle, looks like Otabek. Then there’s the midnight scrawls in his journals when he pours his heart out onto the page in smudgy ink, and when he rereads them the next day, it’s clear in his mind that the rambles that fill page after page are only about one person. Slowly, bits of Otabek start creeping into his art, snippets of things he’s written in journals, half remembered conversations immortalised in paint, some of the writing covered in angry strokes of red acrylic or made barely legible by the ink running down the page. He’s under his skin, and Yuri doesn’t really know why, or how to make it stop, how to make it go away, or anything that could possibly make the situation any better.And whilst that might well be the start, it’s not technically the beginning. >> PINING ALERT, PINING ALERT. There’s pining and two idiots messing around and whispering sweet nothings in parties and pouring all the heartache through painting.

15. All the Right Notes by pastelplisetsky >> Yuri Plisetsky (18, just because) is an incredibly gifted piano player, known for his passionate and somewhat violent playing/compositions. But in order to compete in the famous Eurasia United competition (i completely made this up lol), he needs a violin accompanist. Although he’s dreamed about this competition for years, he’s always worked better alone. Otabek is little-known, solemn, and a lovely violinist. Based off of Yuri’s Allegro Appassionato in B Minor, his free skate song. Also somewhat inspired by Your Lie in April (the anime) but not really because I’ve only seen the first episode. >> Frankly, I have not seen Your Lie in April but I’ve watched other music anime (like La Cordia doro and Nodame Cantabile) so I have some experience in reading fics like this. Pulled me in from the first chapter and I’m still hoping for more chapters to come!!!!

16. * Some Twenty and Tea by ctine_lea27 >> - “So I can trust you as well right?”“Of course. Definitely. Abso-fucking-lutely.” - Yuri turns sixteen then seventeen and he likes to mess around to get rid of that feeling that’s confused and hurt him once then another. Rewind, Yuri is confused and scared. Forward, he sees him and it scares him.They find out, get hurt, cry and sexual tension. Coping mechanism? Twenty questions- and Otabek is terrible at it. There's tea here too.Three days. Three chapters. One whole package. >> I’ve saved the best for last and this is it. This fic is a wonderful monster. I’ve had waterworks whenever I read this, and I’ve gazed at this several times that the waterworks just come pouring down again. This fic is one hell of a rollercoaster and I highly recommend this one.

#otayuri #fic recs #so much pining #so so much #also I've noticed that there's unnecessary spamming so I decided to add this to the tags

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dreamsofland · 8 years ago

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Mun Day

tagged by: @riiverbends @lanterniisms and @rogue-prince-consort

1. coke or pepsi: Not a huge fan of soda, generally, but Cherry Coke is my weakness, so I guess I have to say Coke 2. disney or dreamworks: I mean, DreamWorks is cool and all, but I eat, sleep, and breathe Disney  3. coffee or tea: TEA. Tea. I am obsessed with tea. Who wants to guess how many different teas I have in my home?  4. books or movies: I love both so much. I've been doing more reading lately and it's reminded me how much I enjoy it, but movies really transport me. I can't pick between them, I'm sorry. 5. windows or mac: Windows. I've never owned a Mac computer.  6. dc or marvel: Bits and pieces of both? I love the MCU but I'm also pretty into Batman stuff.  7. x-box or playstation: No contest; Playstation  8. dragon age or mass effect: I haven't played either yet but my coworker wants to lend me Dragon Age because she thinks I'll love it 9. night owl or early riser: I prefer to wake up early, but it's hard for me so idk  10. cards or chess: chess, though I'm super super rusty now  11. chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate, except in soft serve  12. vans or converse: I don't have a preference 13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: I'll let you know when I play Dragon Age  15. beach or forest: BEACH BEACH BEACH BEACH BEACH BEACH  16. dogs or cats: -grabs your face and gets uncomfortably close- Do Not Make Me Choose  17. clear skies or rain: I used to be all about the rain and I still love the aesthetic of cozy, rainy days, but it seems that I have recently developed Seasonal Affective Disorder and rainy days mess me up something fierce, so clear skies please  18. cooking or eating out: Eating out, though I need to just not tbh  19. spicy food or mild food: Both? Depends on the food?  20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: Halloween is my favourite holiday (and I always mentally make a Big Deal out of Samhain and then forget to do anything for it oops) but the winter holiday season is one of my fave times of year. There's something special and magical in the air <3  21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: Cold. It's easier for me to warm up than it is for me to cool down.  22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: Shape shifting. And if you think I wouldn't use that to be a real mermaid, you don't know me well enough  23. animation or live action: Depends on the movie/show. They both have their merits, and some stories really only work in one medium  24. paragon or renegade: hell if I know  25. baths or showers: Baths! I know showers are faster and more efficient, but I love relaxing in the tub with music and a bathbomb and stuff <3  26. team cap or team ironman: I mean, in Civil War even though I can see where they're both coming from I sided with Cap. But Tony is my son.  27. fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy 28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they: - “If you're going to die, then die. If you're going to live, then fight." - Emilie Autumn -"You can't see magic. Magic is what happens on the stage, when the lights come up" - Lady Gaga -"She's mad but she's magic. There is no lie in her fire." - Bukowski -"At some point you have to stop mourning your expectations and get to work building new dreams with the still sparkling fragments of your old ones" - Traci Hines 29. youtube or netflix: Youtube  30. harry potter or percy jackson: HARRY PO TTER  31. when you feel accomplished: Is it sad that I'm drawing a blank on this? 33. paperback books or hardback books: Doesn't matter to me  34. horror or rom-com: Rom com, though tbh I'm picky about both  35. tv shows or movies: Movies, but only by a small margin  36. Pink or yellow lemonade: I'm not a big lemonade drinker. I like homemade lemonade, though, so I guess yellow  37: wolves or tigers: Tigers  38. 2D or 3D animated films/shorts/shows: They're both so amazing, so this is hard. The quality of CGI continues to impress me, and as a seamstress, I just adore when you can see the stitching on a character's outfit or be able to tell what fabric it's made of. But CGI also has a tendency to age poorly, which just doesn't happen with hand-drawn animation. I mean, look at, say, Shrek or Toy Story. The animation in both is still impressive, but at the same time it's definitely dated. But Snow White is almost 80 years old and is still stunning. Sorry, I think about animation a lot  39. cake, pie, or cookies: cookies, I guess?  40. Star Trek or Star Wars: I'm a big fan of Star Trek TOS (and the new movies, tbh) whereas I didn't actually get into Star Wars until last year, but even so, I don't actually know which I would pick  41. Bold, pastel, or neutral colors: For what? Décor? Clothes? Makeup?  42. Dub or sub? Dub. I know that 9 times out of 10, dubbed voices aren't as good as the originals, but I like to multitask when I watch things, and I can't do that if I have to read subtitles  43. Rock or punk rock? Both are gr8 but I am less familiar with punk rock bands so I guess rock by default?  44. what would be the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery: Plan a trip around the world to visit all the Disney parks 45. glasses or contacts? (if you need them) : Contacts, though once I get glasses that actually have my updated prescription I might wear them more often

Tagging: @oflavenza @demandpeace @paranormallydetermined @melodious-sitarist @boorishbrute @princessannaofarendelle only if you guys want to of course! I'm sorry if I've tagged anyone that doesn't like these, feel free to ignore!

#🐠 Landlocked Mermaid — (mun)

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bahkeks · 8 years ago

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tagged by @craniuum, thank you love! this made me want to pick up another book, I haven’t really had the chance since new years :’>

tagging @clueingforlooks, @cupcakesandtv, and @johnandsherlock, but feel free to ignore this of course. (It’s insanely long, I wouldn’t blame you)

1. Do you remember how you developed a love for reading?

I started listening to a read-along tape with the book Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter when I was four and I listened to it so often I eventually memorized the whole book and tricked my family that I could read that’s how I found out reading was my gateway into being a sneaky little binch

but really it was them roald dahl books man matilda was my heart

2. Where do you usually read?

I like reading in cafes, it makes me feel quaint. sometimes in bed but I tend to get distracted

3. Do you prefer to read one book at a time or several at once?

i have the shortest attention span so i’m always in the middle of eight different books

4. What is/are your favourite book(s)?

A Single Man by Christopher Isherwood.

// I can go on and on about this book I love it so fucking much. The movie alone was so beautiful, but once I read the book I hated the film. Because they reversed the story and made it about a depressed man who improved, rather than a man who should have been depressed (because his live-in boyfriend died, he’s alienated by his neighbours/boyfriend’s family, and his one friend is a burden he doesn’t often have the strength to support) but instead he was always so determinedly alive and eager to experience life in its most genuine form.

5. Do you have a least favourite book?

I really did not enjoy the great gatsby. That might have something to do with the fact that I hated being forced to read books in high school, so I immediately resented every book assigned, but I also felt so frustrated that everyone went on about how they loved it and it was incredible and I just couldn’t find it in me to agree, I thought it was boring and there was nothing about the characters I related to or sympathized with, so much so that I don’t even want to try again to see if my perspective changed

6. What is your favourite genre?

it really depends. I thought it was classic fiction, and I didn’t think I could ever touch nonfiction, but then I sprinted through a handful of memoirs by amazing, inspiring ladies. and now I think my only stipulation is books with gay characters or at least gay coding. is that a genre? let’s make it one.

7. Is there a genre you won’t read?

i’m pretty sure i’m just done with YA. hunger games turned me off, and I think i’m just over adolescent emotions that never mature.

8. What is the longest book you ever read?

fanfiction tbh?? Order of phoenix would be my guess, or maybe the complete sherlock books if you count it as one? I don’t really read long books, I get distracted too easily. I’m still in the middle of The Count of Monte Cristo (unabridged is over 1000 pages), and I started that at the beginning of 2016 hoping I could finish it by the end. I'm only a third of the way through.

9. What book are you currently reading?

Nothing at the moment. I mean I do have a handful of books half finished, but I’m not actively reading them. A bit too busy lately, we’ll see in a few months.

10. What was the last book you finished?

Goodbye to Berlin by Christopher Isherwood. It was scary how familiar it all sounded, particularly how people reacted to Hitler’s rise to power.

11. What was the last book you bought?

Fleurs du Mal by Charles Baudelaire, because it’s my favourite book of poems and I found it a fancy leather-bound version; Christopher and His Kind and Down There on a Visit by Christopher Isherwood

12. Do you have a favourite book quote?

"I see now the virtue in madness, for this country knows no law nor any boundary. I pity the poor shades confined to the Euclidean prison that is sanity. All things are possible here and I am what madness has made me. Whole. And complete. And free at last."

that was from a batman graphic novel bite me it was so well written

13. Do you prefer library books or buying books?

buying, definitely. I like staking ownership, and I have a habit of writing in the margins to add my own voice and thoughts

14. Where do you buy your books?

The Strand is my favourite place in the world. it’s basically my sunflower mural in pawnee city hall. but there are also a few cool smaller bookstores in the west village and lower east side. Bluestockings is a volunteer-run intersectional feminist bookstore that’s almost intimidating to walk in but it’s such an amazing resource.

15. How many books do you buy a month?

it’s too irregular to gauge. When I do go into a bookstore, I am very likely not coming out with less than three books, but I’ve been keeping myself from going into bookstores in the first place for a few months.

16. How many books do you own?

I’ve got about 125? in my room right now, but a lot of them are unread and at least one shelf is a collection from childhood that I don’t really intend on keeping.

17. How do you feel about second hand books?

i get them if i’m broke as hell and still feel like treating myself to a dollar one on the racks at The Strand, but i prefer not to. I prefer fresh books, I can’t help but feel icky not knowing where the books have been before

18. Do you prefer E-books or physical books?

physical books mostly, but if it’s bulky i’d rather read it on my phone if i’m on the go

19. Do you prefer paperback or hardback?

if given the choice, hardback, because they last longer and i’m an aesthetic ho

20. Do you prefer to read trilogies/series or standalones?

standalones. reading series feels like reading really long books, and as i’ve said, i’ve got the attention span of a teaspoon.

21. What is the weirdest thing you’ve used as a bookmark?

probably like my toe while i was multitasking

22. What is more important to you: characters or plot?

characters, definitely. i really love connecting with a character because then it feels like i’m just reading about myself or what i could be and i’m a narcissistic pos so who could ask for more

23. Do you ever judge a book by its cover?

oh all the time. especially when a book isn’t popular and doesn’t have an adequate synopsis on the jacket, how else are you supposed to judge it?

24. What’s the most beautiful book you own?

I would say my gilted leather bound copy of Fleurs du Mal, it’s gorgeous and I love looking at it. But if we’re talking cover art... ahh it’s hard to say. I quite like the fsg covers of Christopher Isherwood books

25. What is your favorite book to movie/tv adaptation?

The granada sherlock series is a brilliant adaptation it looks exactly how I’d have imagined when reading the ACD canon.

26. What is the best beverage to drink while reading a book?

tea 90% of the time, but i also love macchiatos if i’m feeling indulgent. when reading. they’re so small, but sipping at them between readings feels like a lil reward for finishing a page.

27. Are you looking forward to any book release? If so, which one?

i don’t really read new books. i think part of my enjoyment is reading books like viewing art in galleries; knowing the story behind them, understanding the context within culture/history.

28. Recommend me a book :3

The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer. I think the message -- to ask more of the people in your life, to trust that people will respond and trust yourself to let them help -- is universal and can really change your life if you let it. Also, Amanda Palmer is a fucking badass and inspiration.

#i do declare #books #reading

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