#and one of those aspects is definitely 'how do I tag things so they get in front of the right audience?'

[merrybloomwrites]

I'm Sorry If I Say I Need You (One Direction x Reader - Kidnapped)

Summary: You always thought that getting put into a band with 5 boys would be the craziest thing to happen to you. And then you and those 5 boys all get kidnapped and held hostage. After years of being seen as the strong one, will this experience be the one to break you? Or will the support of your bandmembers be enough to save you?

CW: kidnapping, physical violence, mentions of weapons, inappropriate/unwanted touches, manipulation, gaslighting, injuries (Blood, bruising), hospitals

WC: 6K

AN: Please read the tags, as this is a heavy & violent story. I try not to go in depth with those scenes, focusing instead on the interactions between reader and the boys, but I do include some of the violent parts. Don't read if this makes you uncomfortable, I totally get this isn't for everyone and I understand not wanting to read this.

Also I have Paul Higgins playing a role in this. If you don't know how he is, he was the head of security back in the 1D days and the boys called him their dad on tour.

Back when I was doing whumptober I had a random thought about that "Kidnapped by 1D" trope that's been around forever. I thought about reversing it so it's reader kidnapping them instead. And then decided to write a legit story where reader is also a member of the band and they all get taken together. I'd been seeing a lot of different whump tropes and wanted to test myself and write a story with some aspects I'd never done before. This is the result! It is, of course, filled with the boys being protective and comforting and so there's plenty of that mixed in with the whump!

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Growing up as the only girl with five older brothers had definitely shaped you. You were strong, tough, sure of yourself. You didn’t put up with any nonsense. You never showed fear, or pain, or weakness. 

All of your brothers were athletic, and you’d spent so much time watching different sporting events. And while you played a number of sports as well, you didn’t excel the same way they did. So you decided to follow a different path.

That path led you to audition for the X Factor. You had big dreams of becoming a famous singer and getting away from the shadow of your brothers. 

And then ironically, you’d somehow been put in a band with five older boys. Well, you were only a couple months younger than Harry, but still. You couldn’t believe your luck. It was somehow good, since you hadn’t been turned away, and simultaneously bad, since you once again had to find a way to stand out from a group of boys.

But you quickly learned that Niall, Liam, Harry, Zayn, and Louis were nothing like your brothers. Sure they were energetic and crazy like them, but they were so different when it came to you. Instead of teasing you and ignoring you because you were young, or because you were a girl, they would support you, compliment you, protect you. 

It was nice, but also a little strange. You didn’t know how to accept all of this, so you put up a wall. While you were friends with the others, you kept a bit of distance. They had a way of trying to almost coddle you, and you refused to let that happen. You were just as strong and confident as them. You didn’t need any special treatment.

This is how it started, and how it stayed. You’re now three years into being One Direction, and the boys have learned how to behave around you. Group hugs and high fives are allowed, but other than that, they didn’t enter your personal space. They’d give you compliments but make sure not to go over the top. And even though their instincts had them anxious to protect you when out in public, to put a barrier between you and the paps or the fans, they knew better, and allowed you to walk solo just like they did. 

It made you feel respected, knowing that they were listening to your boundaries even when it felt wrong to them. And you knew that if you let them get closer or treat you differently than they treated each other, you’d be seen as weaker by the public. So keeping up these walls was necessary for your success.

But on late, lonely travel nights, you find yourself wishing you could let them in. Sometimes you do feel weak, or tired, or not good enough. And you wish you could go to them for comfort. On a number of occasions you almost do, but then they make some comment about how well you handle everything and how they wish they could be strong like you, and you hold back once again. 

That is, until the six of you find yourselves in a situation that pushes you towards your breaking point.

You’re halfway through a leg of tour when some sort of illness travels through your crew. Somehow none of the onstage performers get it, and it seems to be hitting your security team the hardest. On this night in particular, every normal security guard calls out sick and you end up with a group of complete strangers.

It’s weird, but none of you question it, as it seems like the only option at this point. And when the show ends and you’re loading into the van, you’re all too tired to worry about it anyway. You figure they must be safe if management hired them to protect their biggest source of income. 

You're in the middle of the back row, squished between Liam and Niall. Your eyes are heavy, and the motion of the car is soothing, nearly putting you to sleep. 

But then Liam turns and asks, “Does this look at all like the way we came?”

You shrug and say, “I haven’t been paying attention,” and Niall adds, “It’s dark, how are you seeing anything out there?”

“I can see enough to know I’ve never seen this before,” Liam responds. 

“Maybe it’s just a different route,” you say. 

“Could be,” he concedes. It’s quiet again in the car, but as the drive goes on you can sense Liam’s growing agitation. 

“It shouldn’t be taking this long,” he suddenly says into the quiet van. His anxiety is rubbing off on you and you lean over him to look out the window. You still can’t see much. 

But looking inside the vehicle you begin to notice something. The six security guards all look agitated by the conversation. You start to think that maybe something is wrong, that these strangers may be up to something. 

And sure enough, after another minute they turn down a road and begin to floor it. There’s commotion, all of you shouting out to slow down, but then one of the men turns around and holds out a gun. 

“You belong to us now. Shut up, and sit still. When we get to the house you’ll calmly walk inside. Put up a fight and we'll shoot. We have more people waiting at the house, all armed, so we have the upper hand. Got it?”

All six of you manage to nod, though you’re all practically frozen from fear. Niall and Liam each move to grab your hands, and normally you’d shift away, but you can tell they need this more than you do right now. 

The car jolts to a stop, causing you all to slam into the seats in front of you, and you’re all a bit disoriented as you’re taken from the van to the basement of a large house. 

It’s straight out of a thriller movie. Concrete floor and walls illuminated by a single hanging light bulb. Dirty mattress in the corner. Various scary looking objects that you don’t want to know the uses of. 

“This is where we have fun,” says one of the men. There are twelve in total. And as promised, each of them carries at least one weapon. 

“You’ll stay in there,” says another man as he opens a door in the corner of the room. The six of you are pushed inside of a small, carpeted but otherwise bare room, barely big enough for all of you to be able to lay down at once. There’s another door off this room that leads to a bathroom. It’s dirty and smelly but at least you’ll have a private place to pee. 

One thing that’s clear, there’s no way out. 

“You’ll stay in here until we come for you. Oh, and if any of you does any funny business, steps a toe out of line or fights back, she gets it,” says one of the men emphatically as he points at you with his gun. 

The message is clear. And smart. Your band members will do anything to protect you. There’s no way they’ll do something that will put you in danger. Just like that, these kidnappers have prevented any pushback from your group. Not that there seems to be anything you all can do, being outnumbered and unarmed. 

It’s truly a nightmare of a situation. And somehow it’s happening to you. 

“We’ll be back soon,” he says before closing and locking the door. 

The six of you stand there for a moment, utterly baffled and terrified. 

“You okay?” Zayn says, and you look up to see him turned towards you. 

Repressing an eye roll you respond, “Of course not. None of us are. We literally got kidnapped and taken to a friggen house of horrors.” 

“Yea, but he didn’t threaten any of our lives,” Louis adds. 

“Pretty sure all of our lives are in danger,” you reply. “We’re being held captive by psychopaths. I don’t think any of us are safe.”

You sit on the floor, tucking your head between your knees. The others follow, and the six of you sit in silence, all trying to think of a way out of this mess. 

Being left there alone is unnerving, but what’s even worse is when one of the men comes back. He scans the room as all of you silently and fearfully watch him. 

“You,” he finally says, pointing to Niall. “You’re up first.” The man leans down, grabbing Niall and roughly pulling him up. Before anyone can even react, Niall is thrown into the other part of the basement and the door is shut and locked once more. 

While the door muffles the sound, you can all still hear the noises of impacts followed by Niall’s cries of pain. Your imagination runs wild with images of what they might be doing to him. 

After a few minutes the door opens and Niall is shoved back inside before two men grab Zayn. They bring him out, and once again the rest of you are forced to listen as they hurt your friend. Meanwhile Liam checks Niall and comforts him. 

The pattern continues, and each time one of the guys is returned, another is taken. Louis is the last of the boys, and you know it’s your turn next. 

But then Louis is pushed back in, and the man closes and locks it. You’re confused, unsure why they didn’t take you. 

The boys are hurt, but nothing too bad. A couple bruises, a few small scratches, but it could’ve been worse. 

Just when you think you might get away unharmed, the door opens again. “Your turn,” says the man as he looks at you, a disturbing smile on his face. 

You see the boys move to block you but you subtly shake your head and stand up and walk towards the door, accepting your fate. 

“Good girl,” he says, causing you to shiver in disgust. Once out of the small room, you’re thrown to the concrete floor and all twelve men surround you. 

There’s a kick to your back and it knocks the air out of you. And you gasp for breath, another kick lands on your stomach. You’re pulled up, held in the air by two men as others take their turns hitting you. 

Suddenly they stop, the men dropping you and you land harshly on the floor. Finally you can catch your breath, but you warily watch the men, waiting for another blow. 

It doesn’t come. Instead, the man in charge crouches in front of you, causing you to recoil, but he grabs you by the hair to keep your face close to his. 

“You’re the one we want,” he says. You stare at him in confusion. “We didn’t want the boys. But it was impossible to get you alone. Oddly enough it was easier to take all of you. But just know, they are in this mess because of you. So you’d better behave.”

With that he lifts you up and pushes you back into the small room. Immediately after the door closes, the boys surround you, trying to ask if you’re okay, but you put up your hands, alerting them not to touch you. They give you space and you tell them you’re fine, and while they know that’s not true, they also know not to press you to talk. 

You sit in a corner of the room holding your head in your hands. You hear the others talk but your mind is too busy to listen to them. 

After some time they all lay down to sleep, but guilt keeps you awake. You notice the way they’re all comforting each other, even as they sleep. Liam and Harry are laying together while Louis is holding both Zayn and Niall. 

You wish you could curl up with them, get comfort from them, but that would be selfish. 

They’re in this mess because of you. They’re hurting and it’s all your fault. So no, you don’t deserve to be held. You deserve to suffer. 

Eventually you fall asleep only to be woken a couple hours later by the door slamming open. Water bottles and granola bars are tossed in the room and the door shuts once more. 

“Guess breakfast is here,” Louis says. It’s not much, but at least you won’t starve or dehydrate. 

All six of you eat in silence, and as soon as you’re done the door opens. Liam is taken first this time, and the pattern from last night continues. You’re all taken three times throughout the day, after every meager meal that you’re given. 

You’re always last. The order of the boys switches up, seems random. But you’re always saved to be the final person. After lunch you’re told it’s so that you can see the pain your bandmates are experiencing because of you. 

It keeps you docile, willing to take whatever beating they give you. 

Which is more than they give the boys. You’ve noticed that when the others come back they only have one or two new injuries each time. Just enough to keep them in line. They boys have also mentioned it’s only two guys there each time they’re taken. 

For you, it’s always the full dozen. And they all take turns. It feels like every inch of your body is covered in bruises. 

But you make sure not to let the boys see. They tend to one another, make sure they’re all eating, and hold each other whenever someone needs comfort. 

As you’re reminded each time the men have you in their grasp, you don’t deserve that comfort. The pain your friends are feeling is your fault. 

The men never explain why they want you, just that they need to have you. It had been their goal for years, getting you in their grasp. 

Another fitful night of sleep passes followed by another nightmare and pain filled day. There is however an obvious shift on that second full day. While you’re all once again taken three times, the boys are brought back after only a few minutes. Their time with the men dwindles, and yours gets longer. 

That evening they take you for nearly two full hours. You know what they want. They’re searching for your breaking point. You refuse to let them find it. They give up out of sheer frustration and throw you back in the room. 

No matter what you’d experienced the last few days, you always landed on your feet. 

Until now. 

You stumble, falling into Zayn. He catches you and gently lays you on the ground. He goes to pull away, knowing you don’t like to be touched, but you grip his shirt in your fists. 

Zayn looks at you questioningly and you murmur, “Stay. Don’t let me go.”

“I won’t, I’ve got you,” he replies. He turns to Liam next to him and says, “Help me get her settled. I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Of course, what do you need?” Liam says, altering you to his presence beside you. One of your hands releases Zayn and instead reaches out for Liam. 

“Do you want us to lay down with you?” Liam asks. 

A weak nod is all you can manage, but it’s enough. Zayn settles on one side of you with Liam on the other. 

Louis kneels by your head, and you look at his upside down face hovering above you. “Can we check your injuries, love? Please?” 

You can hear the concern in his voice so you nod once more. Giving them permission to see the extent of the beatings you’ve taken is the last thing you want to do. 

But you’re exhausted. And scared. And in so much pain. 

It’s time to take the wall down. It’s time to let them in, let them take care of you. 

Louis starts with what’s visible on your face. There isn’t much there, but he wipes away the bit of blood on your cheek. 

“Can Harry lift your shirt to check your belly?” Louis asks and you nod again. 

You hear a chorus of gasps as your shirt is moved. You don’t need to look to know it’s not a pretty sight. 

“This isn’t good,” Harry says quietly. His hand brushes one of the bruises and you cry out in pain. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry. Y/N, this is bad. Like, I think you have internal injuries,” Harry states. 

“Who made you a doctor?” You quip weakly. 

“Don’t need to be one to know a serious injury,” Niall says. “What have they done to you?” His voice is laced with horror and sadness, and you start to zone out. You know you’ve taken a beating, can feel it all over. But hearing the boy's reactions to it is even worse. Makes it more real. 

Harry and Niall continue to check your body, wiping any blood they see and pressing cool water bottles to some of the worst bruises. But you don’t react anymore, choosing instead to turn your head and tuck into Liam.

Louis pets through your hair gently and Zayn holds your hand, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. You focus on these touches and drift off to sleep. 

You startle awake the next morning, and the first thing you notice is that you’re surrounded by the boys. It makes you feel warm, safe. 

And then you realize who else is in the room. 

“This looks cozy,” says the man. You still don’t know their names, but you do know their temperaments. This one doesn’t hit as hard physically, but he knows how to attack you emotionally. “So sweet of them to comfort you, Y/N. Especially considering why you’re all here.”

It’s a brutal reminder, one the others don’t understand but you do. The guilt sets back in, and you do your best to move away from the boys. You don’t deserve to be taken care of, and last night's moment of weakness can’t happen again. 

“Actually, why don’t we have a little chat, make sure you remember the details of the situation,” he adds. 

“Y/N, what is he talking about?” Liam asks, but you play dumb, giving a confused shrug in reply. 

“Good act,” the man says. “Let’s go,” he adds as he moves in to grab you. The boys move to block him, but you go around them. Maybe letting the men hurt you will ease the guilt of putting your friends in this situation. You feel even worse after showing such weakness last night. 

So you follow the man, bracing yourself for the hours of pain you’re about to endure. 

But what happens next is worse than you can imagine. There’s no pain, they don’t hit or punch or kick this time. They don’t even throw you to the ground like usual. They’re gentle. Sure, it’s not painful. But the feeling of their hands dragging along every part of your body practically burns you. Makes you want to vomit, right on them. If you do, maybe they’ll stop. Maybe they won’t keep touching you in places no one should be. 

Before you can do that, they all back away. “We’re thinking of letting the others go,” one of the men says. It takes you a minute to comprehend that he’s talking, and when you finally understand, you look at him in confusion. “That got your attention huh?”

“What are you talking about?” you ask.

“We really only wanted you, remember? We have another house. We’ll be taking you there tonight. The other five will be left behind. We’ll send a message to your security tomorrow so they can come rescue them. You will be long gone when that happens. Isn’t that nice, though? Your friends will be okay. You should be happy, they’re in this mess because of you. And now they’ll be free. Don’t you want that?”

Knowing they want an answer, you nod curtly. And you do want the boys to be free, to be safe. But they’ve been a comfort to you these past days, and the selfish part of you wants them to stay. You can endure what these horrible men throw at you because you have a safe place to return to, even if it is a tiny, gross room. At least you have friends with you.

But you can’t think like that. If they have a way out, of course they need to take it. Even if it means you’ll never get away. That these horrible people will be able to continue doing whatever they want to you. That will be your punishment for endangering your friends. 

“Enjoy the day with them,” says the man as he begins leading you back to the room. “It’s the last time you’ll ever see them.” With that he opens the door and guides you inside before leaving you alone with the others. 

They’re quickly at your side, obviously wanting to comfort you like they had the night before, but you hold out your hands, indicating you want space. 

“Y/N,” Niall starts, “Please let us help with your new injuries.”

“I don’t have any,” you reply.

“What do you mean?” Harry asks.

“They didn’t touch you this time?” Louis says next.

“I didn’t say that,” you state sardonically. 

“I don’t understand,” Zayn adds.

It’s quiet for a moment as you take a deep breath. Finally you look up, your eyes meeting Liam’s. It’s clear the second he understands what happens, his gentle, worried expression shifting to anger.

“I’m going to fucking kill them,” he exclaims, startling all of you.

“What the fuck just happened?” Niall asks.

“They touched her,” Liam says, his voice practically a growl. This time the rest do understand, horror, anger, and pity on their faces. Harry and Zayn move closer, obviously wanting to comfort you, but you cannot have that right now. “Please, don’t,” you say and they all step back further, giving you space.

Louis grows more agitated, walking to the door and saying, “Liam has the right idea, they can’t fucking get away with this.” He grabs the door handle forcefully, fully expecting it to be locked like normal, and gets thrown back when it simply opens. 

The six of you stand there, shocked and confused, and Louis slowly and carefully closes the door again. 

“The moron forgot to lock it?” Niall asks.

“Seems so,” Liam replies. 

“Was anyone out there?” Harry asks.

Louis silently peeks out again, confirming the basement is in fact empty. 

“There’s a window,” Liam says. “They opened it one time when I was with them. Guys, it’s a way out.”

“And then what?” Zayn asks. 

“Then we fucking run for our lives, that’s what,” Louis says.

“They have guns, Lou. What if they’re out there waiting for us?” Harry adds.

“At this point we have to take the risk. We’ve been here for days. What if they never let us go? What if no one finds us? We have no other way out,” Louis answers.

“Yes you do,” you interject.

They all look at you questioningly. You take a deep breath, knowing you need to tell them the truth. That way they won’t risk their lives on this insane break out plan. “It’s my fault you’re all here. They didn’t want you. Just me. But they couldn’t get me alone so they took all of us. Tonight they’re taking me to another location, and tomorrow they’ll tell security where you are and you’ll be rescued. You have a way out, please don’t get hurt now.”

There’s another moment of silence while they process this information. 

“Right, okay, we’re going. Now.” Harry says.

“Didn’t you hear me? You’ll be safe!” 

“Do you think we can just leave you with them?” Liam asks. “No way. We’re all going or no one is.”

“We’re not leaving you behind. That’s insane,” Niall says. 

“Please don’t be stupid,” you implore them.

“You’re the stupid one if you think we’d go without you,” Louis retorts. 

“This is my fault-”

Zayn cuts you off saying, “Y/N, this is not your fault. I don’t know what those awful people told you, but they are the only ones to blame. You did not do this to us.”

“But they-”

Liam is the one to interject this time, “They are terrible people who do terrible things. For all you know they’re lying to you to manipulate you. They could be lying about letting us go.”

You hadn’t thought of that. When you don’t speak right away Louis takes his chance to explain what little plan he has. 

“We just have to run for it. The window is pretty high. Liam you go first, then Zayn. Harry and I will help Y/N. Harry, you're tallest, you’ll be able to reach the best so you’ll go last. Once we’re free, run. We need to find a person or a house where we can call for help. Everyone got it?”

The rest of you nod. Louis peeks out one more time to make sure the coast is clear, then you all spring into action. The first step of the plan goes shockingly well. You’re all full of adrenaline, and getting through the window without a problem fills you with hope. 

After a few minutes of running you start thinking you might actually be in the clear. 

The adrenaline wears off. 

And the full pain of your injuries comes back. 

Running becomes harder, every inhale burning not only your lungs but your whole torso. There’s blood soaking your clothes, and you have no idea if you’ve exacerbated a previous injury or gotten a new one. 

You gasp, stumbling and nearly falling to the ground. Liam catches you, encouraging you to keep going, but it’s like your brain and body are no longer connected. As much as you try, you can’t keep going. 

Liam senses this and puts his arm around you, helping you stay upright and continue moving forward. 

There’s a house up ahead, the obvious destination. You’re close, and then you hear the noise behind you. 

The van that you’d been in when this all started is barreling towards your group. They’ve nearly caught up, and you feel like just giving in, admitting defeat. 

But Liam won’t let you. “Everyone just keep going!” He yells. 

A figure runs out of the house up ahead, followed by at least 20 others. All in uniform. All armed. 

You’re scared at first, not knowing if they’re there to help you or help your captors. And then you see him. Paul Higgins. Your true guardian angel. 

The van has stopped following, now surrounded by law enforcement, but the six of you can’t stop. Can’t understand that the danger is gone. 

Paul, along with a few other members of your normal security team surround you to check if you’re okay. The boys assure them that they only have minor injuries, all saying the same thing: “Help Y/N,” “Y/N’s hurt”, “Y/N needs help”. 

The next thing you know, Paul is reaching for you, picking you up and cradling you to him. “You’re safe now,” he says quietly, and you start to believe that. 

He carries you towards the house, explaining that they’d gotten a tip the night before and were searching the area, the homeowner allowing them to use the place as a base of operations. 

You hear sirens growing louder, and multiple ambulances pull up. Seeing this, Niall says “Paul really, we’re okay. They really only focused on Y/N. We’ve just got some scrapes.”

“You’ll all be going to the hospital and getting checked by a doctor. No exceptions.”

“Yes, dad,” Louis says, but it doesn’t have the normal teasing tone. At this moment, you’re all very grateful for this man you call your tour dad. 

When Paul goes to set you down on a stretcher you begin to panic, clutching his shirt the way you had with Zayn the night before. 

“I’m not leaving you, I promise. But you have to let them take care of you so you can get better,” he says. 

It’s hard to let go but you do manage. As promised Paul stays by your side the whole time. The ambulance ride feels forever, and the longer you lay unmoving, the more pain you feel. 

You don’t realize you’re crying until you feel Paul gently wipe tears off your face. You turn to look at him and he gives you a sad smile, saying “I know sweetheart. It’s all over now. I’ve got you.”

He’s able to hold your hand, and he gives you a reassuring squeeze. It’s the last thing you’re aware of before your world turns black.

The first time you wake up, there’s chaos around you. Doctors yelling about internal injuries and needing scans, nurses hooking you up to different wires and tubes. A doctor gives another order, and something is pushed through your IV, and once again everything fades away.

The next time you wake is much calmer. You’re in a patient room, your body wrapped in gauze. Paul is sitting beside your bed, once again holding your hand. This time you squeeze his, and he looks up, clearly relieved to see your eyes open. 

He tells you about your injuries, the treatments and surgery you went through, and how you’ll be in the hospital for a few days before needing to recover at home for weeks. 

“What about the boys?” is your first question.

“They’re okay. Minor injuries. Doctors are keeping them overnight to be safe but they should all be released tomorrow,” Paul answers.

“Good. I’m glad they weren’t hurt.”

“Louis told me you think this is your fault.”

“It is. They were all taken because of me.”

“Sweetheart, you need to know that’s not the truth. We found a letter from them, after they took you all, and it was clear they always planned to take the whole band.  You are not to blame. You didn’t do anything or make anything happen.”

“It’s not my fault?” You ask. 

“It is not your fault,” he says, his voice strong and sure. 

“It’s not my fault,” you say. 

“That’s right, sweetheart,” he answers as he strokes the hair out of your face. 

A moment later a few nurses and doctors enter. They tell you the injuries you sustained and what they’re doing to treat them. They ask questions that you do your best to answer. Finally they finish taking vitals and leave once more. You’re grateful, as you’ve started to feel tired again. 

“Sleep, I’ll be here all night,” Paul says. With that reassurance, you close your eyes and immediately fall asleep. 

The next time you wake up the clock on your table reads 7:12am. You’d slept almost ten full hours. As promised Paul is there, sleeping uncomfortably on the couch. 

There’s a nurse in the room, and she smiles when she sees you watching her. 

“Good morning, I’m just going to take your vitals,” she says. When she finishes that she and another nurse help you to the restroom, and you're glad your injuries haven’t completely bedridden you. You’re given a light breakfast, and while you don’t have the biggest appetite, you do enjoy a little hot food after days of nothing but granola bars. 

After you’ve eaten, the doctor comes to check on you, making sure you’re doing well and changing some of the bandages. 

You’ve been awake a couple hours when Paul gets an update. 

“Louis and Zayn are getting discharged now,” he says. 

“What about the others?” 

“Should be later today. Apparently their doc was called away before he could get to everyone so they need to wait a bit.”

“Are Louis and Zayn leaving?” 

“We’re figuring that out.”

“Can I see them?” 

“I think I can make that happen. Are you alright here for a few minutes if I go help the boys?”

While you don’t want him to leave, you know the others need him as well so you say, “Yea, I’ll be okay. I’m kind of tired again, can I sleep?”

“Of course you can, darling. Get your rest, it’ll help you heal. I promise I won’t be far, and Ryan is right outside if you need anyone.”

You do feel better knowing Ryan is there, since he’s basically Paul’s second in command. 

Without realizing you’ve even fallen asleep the next thing you’re aware of is voices around you. 

“She’s really going to be okay?” You hear Zayn ask worriedly. 

“She’s going to be fine. It’ll take some time for her to heal but she’ll make a full recovery,” Paul explains. 

“You’re sure?” Niall asks, his voice unsteady. 

“I’m sure. The doctors said she’ll be okay. And you know her, she’s strong.”

Strong. The word most used to describe you. But you don’t feel that way right now. You were hurt, bruised and bloodied. You don’t want to be strong anymore. 

“Can I be done?” You ask. 

They boys all turn to you, gathering by your bedside now that you’ve woken up. 

“What was that? We didn’t hear what you said,” Liam asks. 

“I want to be done,” you reply. 

“Done with what, love?” Louis questions. 

“Being strong. I don’t wanna be strong right now.”

“That’s okay,” Louis answers. “You don’t have to be. Lean on us.”

“Yea, we’ll take care of you!” Niall adds. 

“Thank you. I’m just so tired.”

“I know. You’ve fought hard, now you can rest,” Zayn says. 

You smile softly at them, and then realize someone’s missing. 

“Where’s Harry?” You ask, your voice laced with panic as your heart rate skyrockets. 

“He’s okay!” Louis quickly assures you. “He just needed one extra test before they could discharge him.”

“Why? What was the test?”

Liam answers this time, explaining, “His oxygen was a bit low when they brought us in yesterday so they’re making sure everything’s fine. Which it is. It was just low because of his asthma and all the running we did. He’s fine. He’ll be here soon.”

As though being summoned, Harry walks in a moment later. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, rushing to your side when he sees how upset you are. 

You take a deep breath, relieved to have all five of your boys with you. 

“Don’t leave me. Please,” you beg.

“We won’t,” Harry replies. “We’re all here. We’re all sticking together. We promise. Right?”

The others all nod, Harry and Niall each holding your hands to reassure you with comforting contact. 

For the rest of your hospital stay, they keep their promise to the best of their ability. None of them are allowed to stay overnight, but all five of them are there with you during every minute that visitors are welcomed. 

When you’re finally discharged, you go to the house the boys have been staying at. Of course their families all wanted them to go back to their respective homes, but they couldn’t bear to be away from you. 

Your parents also hoped you’d be coming home while you recovered, but it would feel strange to go back there. You’re not the same person you were the last time you left. You just can’t go back just yet, not when so much has changed. 

So the six of you, along with Paul and a few other security guards, all live together for the months following the incident. You’re given your own room, but you rarely spend a night alone. At first someone was staying with you in case you needed help at night while you continued to recover from your physical injuries.

They kept taking turns staying with you when it became clear your nightmares wouldn’t go away. The couple of nights that you did spend by yourself you’d woken up screaming and crying, calling out for the boys, panicking that they were gone. 

From then on they had a rotation on who would stay with you. Having one of them in your bed often kept the bad dreams away, and when the nightmares did happen, whoever was there could quickly calm and reassure you that everything was okay. 

After seven months of recovery and planning, it’s finally time to restart tour. Your emotions are going wild leading up to that first show, but the second you get on stage, you feel alive again. For months you hid away, leaning on your bandmates and truly feeling like a diminished version of yourself. 

You’d needed that in order to heal. Letting yourself be vulnerable allowed for others to help build you back up. 

And now you feel like yourself again. You know this experience will stick with you forever, and you’ll be dealing with the mental impacts of this for years to come. But you also know that Harry, Liam, Niall, Louis, and Zayn will always be there for you whenever you need them. 

You turn towards them at the end of the show, right before final bows, and find them all watching you, their faces full of admiration, awe, and love.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Thank you for reading!

After everything that happened recently I knew I needed to give Paul Higgins a moment in the spotlight.

[orqheuss]

I would know him blind

(Ominis Gaunt/F!Reader SMUT)

Summary:

He groaned again at the feeling of your pulse pounding under his fingertips, his voice gravelly and coated with arousal when he finally spoke. “What are you up to now, trouble?” *** You'd been with Ominis for some time, and as much as you loved your intimate times together, you wondered what it would be like to be in his shoes for a change. Your darling husband is more than happy to help you satiate your curiosity.

Word count: 4.6k

Tags: p n v sex, bondage, blindfolds, light bdsm, light dom/sub undertones, pet names, praise kink, ownership kink, corruption kink (just a lil bit), possessive!ominis, cunnilingus, established relationship, body worship, romantic sex

You loved your husband more than anything in this world. You had been with Ominis since your sixth year of Hogwarts, and even now, ten years later, you were still as thick as thieves. He supported your desire to teach at the school, even though you would be gone for days at a time and away from his comforting arms, and in turn you supported him and his work as an inventor, no matter how much time he spent locked away in his office. Through it all, you were a team. It was a truly happy marriage, one you would be perfectly content in until your dying day. 

That being said, there were some aspects of your life that had gotten a bit…stale. Being together for so long led to some challenges with keeping things interesting. In this particular instance, your more intimate times were starting to become lackluster. It was still lovely whenever you two got together, but you longed for your husband to do something surprising. Ever since your first night together it had been the same routine, and you were, quite frankly, bored. 

Not that you’d ever tell him that. Godrick’s heart! 

Being a professor had its perks, one of which being access to the restricted section of the library at any hour of the day. No student is going to question a professor as to why they are out at such an hour, it would be absolutely balmy. Not that you didn’t miss the chaos of sneaking down there with one particular Sallow twin, but it was certainly nice to not fear the appearance of Peeves around any and all corners. On the nights that you slept at the castle, you’d been reading up on some things in the restricted section, and had learned some interesting changes to try in the bedroom that would hopefully intrigue the blond. Rather shockingly, the “Intimate Literature” section was…extensive. There were things in some of those books that you would have never thought of, even in your most raunchy dreams. 

One particular thing caught your attention, both for the possibilities it held but also for the fact that it had been something you thought about before: seeing in the way that Ominis sees. The Gaunt man’s blindness was never a hindrance to him, nor to you, but it definitely intrigued you. Around the house, he mainly saw through his enchanted wand, the location charm showing him shapes and outlines so he is able to get to and fro. But in the bedroom, Ominis preferred to use his hands, and sometimes his mouth, to find his way up and down your body. His favorite pastime was finding out what made you tick, what made you whine, what made you scream— always the tinkerer, always curious. 

As much as you loved him touching you, you wanted to know what it felt like when you touched him; no sight to help him know from what direction you were coming from or what you were going to do to him. One simple finger running down his chest would send his heart aflutter under your palm— your legs brushing against his would make him breathe heavy like you had taken all the air from his lungs. He once described it to you as feeling everything the earth could possibly give you but so much more. It looked electric, and Merlin, you wanted to be shocked all over. 

So, the only logical way for this to happen was for you to be blindfolded. 

All you had to do was convince your husband, and you knew exactly how to do it. 

The always busy blond was locked away in his office when you enacted your plan. You knocked gently on the door, waiting patiently for his word to enter. Upon his muffled, “come in” sauntered into the room, your steps precise and your hips swaying like a dancer. He sensed something different in your posture right away, his ears perking up slightly as he took in the soft cadence of your steps. Leaning back in his office chair and silently activating his location charm, he watched you stalk closer to his desk like a lioness on the prowl. You were the picture of innocence— a slight hop in your step and your arms folded behind your back like a schoolgirl, and in that moment Ominis wanted nothing more than to pin you over his lap and corrupt you for hours. A wayward smirk stretched across his face as he twirled his wand between his fingers, his free hand coming up from his arm rest when you got close enough and running across the skin of your thigh. The blond’s eyebrow twitched slightly at the feeling of the lace trim of your negligee, and his fingers tightened against your pillowy flesh, pushing the skirt upwards with intrigue until your hand stopped him in his tracks. You smirked deviously at the success of your plan so far before climbing into his lap, pressing all of your weight down on his already half-stiff member so he could feel just how hot and needy you were for him. 

Ominis groaned lightly at the sudden warmth atop his hardening cock, his hands coming up to grasp at your hips and rock you slightly for that delicious friction he craved. Your breath stuttered in your chest at your bare, sensitive skin rubbing against the unforgiving roughness of his corduroy trousers and you quickly lost yourself in the moment. One of your hands made its way into his blond tresses, mussing up his perfectly styled quiff and pulling him closer for a searing kiss. He eagerly responded to your whims, surrendering under your burning lips and digging his fingertips into the silk that draped across your body. His left hand began exploring as you kissed, roaming up from the love handles at your hips and towards your neck, pausing briefly to paw at your breast and finding nothing underneath your new nightdress. He bit your lip roughly, pulling you back by your neck and greedily sucking in the oxygen that he forgoed to continue snogging you. 

Even after years, his kisses still tasted like ambrosia to a mortal. 

He groaned again at the feeling of your pulse pounding under his fingertips, his voice gravelly and coated with arousal when he finally spoke. “What are you up to now, trouble?” 

You giggled lightly, a lilt of mischievousness hiding behind the sound of pseudo virtue that made Ominis’ heart skip in excitement. You pushed gently against his hand, signaling that you wanted to whisper your desires in his ear, and he pulled you towards his face again, loosening his grip enough for it to be just the right amount of malleable. Your hot breath fanned across the apples of his cheeks, sending a spark of desire down his spine. A part of him wanted to disregard whatever you wanted to tell him, wanted to throw you onto his desk and have his way with you. But, there was a stronger, more curious part of him that also wanted to know what you had in store. 

You bit lightly at his earlobe, licking away the pain before murmuring against his pulse. “I want to try something new tonight, if it’s alright with you, darling.” 

He growled at your fingernails wracking up and down his clothed arms, the bone just sharp enough to be felt but not enough to leave marks. He pulled your face back, staring into your eyes with an unnerving amount of contact that one with his disability would normally not be able to achieve. There was something tantalizing swirling in his irises, something dangerous, something devious, and you had to steel yourself to continue with your scheme and not drop to your knees and pleasure him then and there. His smile was lopsided and delicious looking when he replied. 

“What do you have in mind, little dove?” He traced his finger up the outside of your thigh once more, running the pad of his thumb against the coarse lace. “What devilish thing is swirling in that gorgeous brain of yours?” 

You let go of his arms, trusting Ominis to hold you still while you reached into your hair and undid the ribbon holding it up. The black silken cloth caught on the low lamplight of the office space and swallowed the glow like a deep pit of tar. Your hand was delicate as you grasped onto his wrist, lifting his hand from your thigh and raising it level with your chest, palm up towards the ceiling. You first ran the ribbon lightly along his hand, letting the ends tickle his skin just enough to catch his fancy before carefully laying it in his palm. His other hand released your throat finally, taking the other end of the ribbon between his fingers and pulling it until it was completely unraveled between your buzzing bodies. It was smooth in his palm, sensual, one would even say. He approximated that it was around the length of his arm, possibly the width of your wrist. 

A look of confusion quickly took over the blond’s features, and you chuckled softly at how adorable he looked. You took the silk from him, leaning forward just enough to gently drape it over his unseeing eyes and whisper against his parted lips. 

“I want to feel what you feel when I touch you.” 

He gasped against your mouth, his arm snaking around your hip and pressing against your lower back, pulling you impossibly closer until your ravenous core was flush with his throbbing manhood. Ominis’ smile was all teeth when you pulled back again, the ribbon dragging against his skin in the most delectable way as you gazed into his eyes. 

“Oh, you do, now?” He mused cheekily. “You want to know how I feel when you touch me?” 

He took the silk from your hands, letting it run over your exposed collarbones. There was something impish in his smile, like a wolf in sheep's clothing— the cheshire cat would be jealous of its verisimilitude. He was always mischievous in nature while at school, but he had never really brought it under the sheets with you. Perhaps your proposition excited him in a way unfamiliar, you mused. Gently moving it over the backs of your shoulders, he looped it around the front and draped it across your chest like a loose fitting scarf. It was your turn to be perplexed when his hands began to wind around the ends of the satin ribbon, the question only being answered after a maddening pause. Using the silk for leverage, Ominis yanked you closer until your chests were pressed together, noses brushing and mouths inches from touching. 

“You want to know how it feels to be blind— completely under the whim of your partner? You want to put your faith entirely in my hands, not knowing what I could possibly do to you next?” His voice lowered with arousal, taking on a gravely, almost growl-like cadence. “You want to surrender yourself to me?” 

You sucked in a shaking breath at his insinuation, nodding minutely as your eyes fluttered closed. You were far past coherent sentences at that point. His mouth only inched closer with each word. 

“Oh, my darling girl, your wish is my command.” 

He stole your breath with his kiss, his skin feeling like pure sunlight under your fingertips. He stood from his seat with you in his arms, your legs quickly wrapping around his waist as he made his way towards your bedroom via the route he memorized long ago. 

Your comforter is plush when you land, cushioning you as Ominis rests his body above yours. You pull him downwards by his collar, your hands only getting a small moment in his hair before he has you by the wrists, one of his hands roughly planting them above your head while the other explored your curves. Only a minute in his domain and you were already his prey. The blond leaned forwards slightly, his back arching so he could reach your supple, sensitive throat, before nipping and sucking at the webbing between your shoulder and neck. You keened softly, rolling your hips upwards to meet his gentle hip trusts. He let go of your wrists, trusting you to keep them there as he carded his hands down your sides, only stopping when he got to the teasing lace of your negligee’s trim. More and more kisses were pressed to the column of your throat as he smoothed the fabric up your body, revealing your bare, naked body underneath to the world. He groaned at the feeling of your baby-soft skin under his fingertips. 

“Nothing underneath? Such a good girl for me.” 

You felt Ominis reach into his back pocket for his wand, slowly bringing it forwards and above your heads. The point just barely touched the skin of your wrist when he lazily whispered the binding spell. 

“Incarcerous.” 

Cotton rope the color of the forest at night wrapped itself around your conjoined wrists, tightening just the right amount so that you couldn’t move but you weren’t in pain before winding around a bar on your headboard. A startled gasp fell from your lips at your sudden capture, your eyes filling with excitement and a little bit of fear at the predatory grin stretching across your husband's face. His hands trailed up your sides again, sending delightful shivers through all of your nerve endings on his journey to your eyes. His fingers paused at the tips of your ears, the ribbon brushing against where your hair was fanned across the bedspread. 

Ominis smoothed his thumb across your cheekbone, softening his smile as he leaned down to press a kiss to the tip of your nose. His voice was little more than a breathy whisper against your eyelashes. “Are you sure about this, my love?” 

You smiled at his care for you, pressing a soft kiss to the closest bit of skin you could reach before answering him, your voice flooded with love. “Yes, my dear. I want you to do whatever you want to me. Make me feel like you do.” 

He groaned at  your words, taking your consent to wrap the ribbon around your head, tying it in a simple knot at the back. The last thing you saw were his starlight-filled eyes before your world was bathed in darkness. 

You were incredibly aware of your level of undress when Ominis moved his body away from yours, opening up your skin to the chill of the room without his body heat. You squirmed against the rope slightly, testing its strength before trying to train your ears to hear your husband moving around the room. Everything was eerily quiet— not even the sound of the grandfather clock in the hallway could be heard beyond the closed door. For a moment you feared the blond left you in the room, leaving you tied up against the bed so he could work in peace. Your heart began to pound harder in your chest with nerves. 

All fear quickly fled from your body at the feeling of his fingertips running up the skin of your stomach, drawing a long gasp from your chest. It felt like his hand was touching every nerve in your body, igniting your veins in sinful fire as he crept up and up towards your heaving breasts. He started off slow, just moving his fingers up and down different parts of your body with just the barest touch until you were begging for more. This type of teasing was torturous for you, only just aware of where he was but never knowing if he was going to give you what you wanted. 

You whined in the back of your throat, body vibrating with need as he grazed against your chest for a fifth time. “Please, Ominis!” 

You were sure your heart would give out when his other hand wrapped itself around your left mound, squeezing the skin between his fingers before taking the right nub between his teeth and nipping. Ominis chuckled at the whine that spilled from your throat, his voice reverberating through your sternum and sending a lovely heat to your center. He let the rest of his weight fall on top of you, relishing in you feeling every bit of skin he had uncovered in your small moment of silence. He was completely bare for you, his hardness pressing against your thigh and pulsating with a delicious heat. You could feel him everywhere. His fingers brushed against the very fabric of your being, pulling you apart by your strings. His breath curled around your lungs, stealing the air frantically inhaled through your squeezing throat. His mouth licked at your brain, sending pulses of pleasure down to your core. You were in utter bliss under his careful, loving hands. 

He laughed again at how pliable you were under him, murmuring against your stiff peak. “Where do you feel me right now, pet?” 

You sighed shakily as his voice shot through you like a bullet. “Everywhere. I feel you absolutely everywhere.” 

The blond took your nipple between his teeth again, flicking it with his tongue until your reacting whimper pittered off into the air. “That’s how I feel whenever I’m around you.” 

Ominis began to kiss down your chest, pausing to mouth hotly at your hip bones and leave open mouthed kisses on your naval. “Your mere presence shifts the air around me— changes the trajectory of time itself in my mind. The world slows when you touch me, my darling. My name falling from your lips feels like one thousand tiny suns kissing my cheeks in devotion.” 

He mumbled your name against your lower stomach, hopelessly inflamed by how you shivered at the word. 

Unable to resist his carnal desires any longer, he dives into your sweet tasting center, first licking a long stripe from base to tip before lapping at you like he was starved and you were his only source of sustenance. You keened loudly for him as stars filled every space behind your blinded eyes. 

There he is, you thought. There’s his tongue wrapped around my soul, stealing all my life force one flick at a time. 

He moaned at your scent, fully slotting himself between your legs and encasing his head between your thighs. It felt like his tongue was a lightning bolt against your sensitive skin, shocking your clit with every stroke, every tap, every suck. You completely surrendered to his whim, clamping your thighs against his ears, fully intent on keeping him right where he was for the rest of time. It had never felt this good before, never felt this encompassing. 

Ominis pressed his face deeper into you, taking the button at the top of your most private parts and sucking it into his mouth. You nearly screamed, your words jumbled as they launched themselves into the air. 

“Fuck! Oh God, Ominis!” 

His strong hands pulled your legs away from his head, his mouth unlatching from you like a leech as he paused to catch his breath. 

“Oh, is it a ‘God’ you want, precious?” 

His voice had never sounded breathier— never sounded so completely sinful. 

The blond laughed, a barking thing that sent a tingle to your toes. “I do not care if every single God and Goddess across all of the world, all of mythology was fighting over you— you are mine.” 

He bit harshly at the pillowy flesh of your inner thigh, indenting his teeth marks into you so everyone would know you were owned by him and him alone.  

“But if you truly wish for something devout, something reverent, then let my hands be your chapel.” Ominis gently ran his fingernails along the skin of your waist, dragging them up and down until you were a shivering, wiggling mess. “And I will treat your screams, your whimpers, your pleas as my scripture.” 

His unseeing eyes never left the direction of your heady, breathy pants as his middle finger slid deep inside of you, long and lithe and curling against the spot that made you believe religion was real. Moans of his name and swears that would make even the devil blush swam in the air around the pair of you, only being swallowed by the plush feather-down comforter under your writhing body. You plead with your husband for more, unsure what more entailed but all the more pressing your center against his awaiting mouth once again and grinding against his tongue. He quickly complied, pressing a second finger into your opening and thrusting in and out at a sped up pace. His lips latched back onto your needy clit and that was all it took for you to spill over into maddening nirvana. 

Your hazy mind picked up on the feeling of your husband leaning up on his elbows, kissing his way back up your chest until he reached your gasping lips. He quickly stole them in a gentle but desperate kiss; you could taste yourself on his lips and it drove you even further into madness. His prickly, end of the day stubble rubbed against your cheek as he tucked his face into your neck, kissing up and down your shoulder and neck with urgency. 

“You did so good for me, sweetheart. So, so perfect— just for me, so good just for me.” He was breathing even heavier than you against your pulse, hopelessly devoted to your pleasure, your happiness. 

He kissed your pulse, his whispered voice filled with adoration.“Mon coeur.”

He kissed your nose this time. “Mon âme.”

Finally, he pressed delicate kisses to your eyelids, resting his forehead against yours. “Ma vie.” 

My heart. My soul. My life. 

Warmth filled your entire body, your heart squeezing around his words and committing this moment to memory. Never before had you felt so loved, so worshiped. It was iridescent, the way you could picture his love-struck smile glowing behind your eyes— completely and irrevocably arduous. 

Still feeling his burning desire against your inner thigh, you rocked your hips against his, pleas beginning to spill from you once again, but this time with a need to please him. 

“Please, Ominis. I love you so much. Take me. Use me. I’m yours, no one else's. I want to feel you inside of me.” 

He bit your shoulder roughly, muffling his animalistic grunt before unlatching his jaws and leaning up on his knees. The blond spread your legs wider, lifting your hips slightly and wrapping your legs around his waist as he lined up with your entrance. You mewled at the feeling of his head rubbing against your opening, stretching you out slightly and giving you a taste for what was to come. 

Ominis whimpered at the feeling of your soft heat against his cock, a little bit of his original domineering persona slipping away at how welcoming you felt for him. “I love you too, my dove.” 

With no other words, the blond pressed his hips closer to yours, letting his length slide into your sweltering center bit by bit to not overwhelm you. You could feel every curve of his shaft, every vein along the underside without your sense of sight. Your touch was heightened to its full extent, and it was earth shattering how good this felt. You were simultaneously freezing and burning, living and dying. Your souls could have mingled together and entwined along your timelines with a burning pyre, thrusting you both into every lifetime possible to relive this moment over and over and it would never be enough for you. You both moaned in tandem when your hips became flushed once again, pelvis bones pressing into each other for a delectable friction. 

Ominis paused to catch his breath, little tiny moans breaching his lips between each inhale and exhale. His fingers wrapped around your hips, grasping onto your natural handles there as he growled under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear with your slightly heightened sense of hearing. 

“I am going to make you feel so full, so pleasured, that by the time your climax sends you into oblivion the only word that will be able to grace your lips will be my name.” 

With that, he pulled out of you until only his tip was still inside and slammed into you, his hips harshly knocking against yours and his slit kissing your cervix. You wailed into the night as he continued to pound into you, chasing his own pleasure while still being perceptive of yours. In and out he went, the large prominent vein at the base of his lovely cock rubbing against the ridges inside of you in the most heavenly way. Your sounds sang together like an otherworldly chorus, your tones rising and falling in harmony as they floated delicately up towards the ceiling. Ominis’ hands continued to dig into your skin, his fingers surely leaving bruises on your hips that would last for days. You didn’t care in the slightest— all you could feel was bliss. If you thought earlier was pleasurable, this was pure, unfiltered ecstasy. The knot in your stomach tightened with each thrust of your husband's hips, each time taking him to the hilt and sending blinding whiteness behind your useless eyes. 

The blond’s hips stuttered as his orgasm fast approached, yours not far behind as he could tell by how tightly you were squeezing him. He surged forwards towards your face, capturing your lips in a kiss that was more teeth than anything else as he rocked the entire bed with his velocity. The headboard banged harshly against the wall as he swallowed your moans and screams, only the sound of his name breaching through the jumbled nonsense. Ominis nosed at your jaw, groaning next to your ear as his thrusts got sloppier and less rhythmic. 

“Come for me, my love— my life.” 

The instinctual, innate love he had for you was what ultimately did you in, his words ricocheting you into the strongest rapture you had felt in some time. Your husband followed soon after, your name conjoining with his as you both tumbled into the sweet hereafter. 

Your breaths tangled together as you both came down from your high. Ominis was the first to break the spell, pulling out of you gently before getting up and procuring a towel from your adjoining bathroom. He cleaned you like one would dust a prized possession, carefully and with reverence. You were like a precious jewel that he had to protect, something he could admire for years, centuries, millennia to come. Next were the bonds on your arms, which he undid with deft fingers. Your arms dropped to the bed in a grand thump, all of your muscles giving up from how hard you were thrashing. Ominis lifted you off the bed, his hands on your shoulders as he slotted himself behind you, letting your back rest against his chest as he finally undid the blindfold. Your eyes squinted at the sudden light of the room, fluttering closed for a moment longer as you relaxed back into your husband. The blond carefully took each of your wrists into his hands, bringing them up to his lips and kissing away the minute bruising. You swooned, perfectly content to stay in this moment until the very end of time— until the world died in a grand ball of fire, or with a tiny poof. 

Ominis kissed the side of your temple, rubbing his cheek against yours like a cat. “Was that everything you hoped for, my dear?” 

You raised your hand up to his face, softly cradling his cheek in your palm. Pure affection spilled from you both in waves. 

“Yes, my heart. You were absolutely perfect.”  

***

like what you read? here's more!

[zorange13]

♪ my fav fics of 2024 !! ♪

note: i know that some of these were not released this year, but this is just a list of fics that i read this year and personally enjoyed. 

also, i will only list detailed warnings if i truly feel you need them beforehand. but also you can see them on the original posts. 

without further ado!

♪♪

I Let the World Burn For You - @elikajinnie | part 1 | part 2 |

p: serial killer! nishimura riki x fem! reader

warnings: graphic descriptions, murder, manipulation, angst, bullying, blood and injuries

synopsis (from original post): “You’ve always loved crime shows, captivated by the mystery and mind games, but you never expected to live in one. When a killer develops an unsettling obsession with you, you’re thrust into a deadly game where you’re not just a target—you’re the centerpiece.”

wc: 27k (split bwt. two parts)

I’ve only read this about a few weeks ago-ish and it definitely had to be the first one on here. I genuinely had no idea that this fic would scratch a major itch that I didn’t know I had! If you’re looking for something different then I highly suggest tapping into new genres within fanfiction. As someone who studies this currently, I loved all of the psychological elements implemented here. As I was reading, I was like “Bro, why do I feel like I’m reading the same thing over again?” But as I continued—at least from my interpretation—this had to be intentional. With horror/thrillers, whether it be film or not, what makes it horror is when they can find small pockets to make you comfortable within that madness. That’s the thrilling aspect because there’s never a 100% sense of security. But not to fear, you won’t have nightmares, this will only leave you wanting more. To which she does, there are tons of fics that she’s posted on her blog and she updates regularly so there’s always something to sink your teeth into!! That aside, she’s genuinely such a cool person and is always willing to help fledgling writers (such as myself) with advice or tips. Def check her out!!

-

Frenzy (2023) - @simpjaes | part 1 | part 2 | minors dni

p: jake sim x afab reader

synopsis (from original post): “Jake is experiencing real love for the first time in his life. He’s so infatuated with you that he would do anything to make you understand. And you? Oh, you are in no place to argue with a man who appears to be perfect.”

warnings and tags: (a lot but in a nutshell) abuse, stalking, jake is psychotic like fr, manipulation, obsessive and invasive behavior, smut

please see the original post for all of them, please.

wc: ~47k (rough total, 33k for part one. 14.2k for part 2)

This fic is not for the faint of heart, I’d say. But it is absolutely insane how well-written this is. I only like dark fics personally if it’s written by her for some reason. The tricky thing about works like these is that when writing you have to get every detail. You can’t brush over things, you have to work through it or else you won’t have those powerful, hard hitting moments that you really want the readers to feel. This fic is absolutely repulsive, sick, and twisted and that’s what makes it so amazing! You feel the hairs on the back of your neck standing, that repulsion. I swear my stomach was in knots while reading this and I absolutely couldn’t look away. No matter what, as long as a work can make me feel anything, it’s well done. No detail too small, nothing missed, I genuinely couldn’t find anything wrong with this. Again, if you cannot handle any of the tags or things mentioned, please do not read it!!

-

Minted - @kithtaehyung | masterlist | ongoing

p: street king! yoongi x street vendor! reader

synopsis (from original post): “All you do is wake up, sell your fruit on the dusty streets below your flat, and go to sleep. But everything changes when a customer you always look forward to seeing turns out to be dangerous. Really, really dangerous.”

warnings/genres: mint! Yoongi, haegeum!yoongi, graphic depictions of violence, warnings stated in each installment, smut, action (at least i think so)

wc: 31.5k (ongoing, so subject to change)

I don’t want to get personal with this, but I’m in love with min yoongi. Like I love him so much, so anything with him on it is right up my alley! Nonetheless when I stumbled across this fic, it sparked so much in me because I’ve never read anything like it. Ryen's works are so amazing and they’ve all done well for a reason, don’t sleep on her! But back to Minted, I love anything that can give me a rush (if you can’t tell). I really do love the hidden world and lore that seems to be behind this and anything that has to do with world building. I don’t have entirely too much to say because it is ongoing but thus far, it is so good and I don’t doubt that she will eat this up!! the third installment is up so get to reading!!

-

honorable mention!!

Til the End of Summer (2020) - @ah-ga-seven | masterlist | 14 part series + bonus

p: choi yeonjun x reader

content/genre: angst, fluff, smut “in certain chapters (can be skipped)”, college! au, collegiate athlete! and fuckboy! yj, overprotective bff soobin, toxic asf, drama, pining imo

also cameos from other idols!!

synopsis (from original post): “You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other; even though the world, Yeonjun’s family, past and reputation makes things complicated?”

wc: ~110.5K (added up myself, you’re welcome)

I read this a little after it was completed, and I have to say it still holds up very well for me. This was the first fic that genuinely made me appreciate what it meant to for one: be able to take full control over your own work, and two: not be afraid to push boundaries with your writing. Ahga (unintentionally) taught me that you are god in a way when it comes to your work. You have absolute control and this made me as a writer be a lot more thankful for that privilege. In this fiction, there was a lot of cat and mouse, push and pull; so when our pairing finally were able to finally be together it made it all the sweeter. Don’t read this if you’re not into drama, I have to say this was the first fic that I read that felt like a tv show. Like Euphoria but without the drugs, I guess (sorta, there were mentions of drugs if my memory serves me right. i’ve also never fully watched Euphoria lmao.). But you know what I mean! I love that her characters feel like real people with genuine problems and traumas because that’s real shit. No one is safe and perfect and I love that it’s not like y/n is innocent in Ahga’s universe. I never liked the whole “y/n is always being done wrong” thing with fanfics, it’s ok to make your characters human beings. 

Just please read this it's so good! I miss you Ahga. Come back girl! :(

[footandantlers]

Introducing my 381k Payneland fic!

Some of you may have seen my post yesterday about how I wasn't sure on how I should post this monstrosity of a fic but the vast majority of you requested that I post it in chapters! So here's all the information you need to know about it.

When and how will it be posted?

The first chapter will be posted on the 9th of September. There will be 30 chapters in total all stretching out to be between 10-15k each. By this schedule the fic should roughly finish up April of next year! However the full thing is written so I may feel generous and occasionally post twice a week however I'd like to build a community! So I'll be creating a tag for you guys to follow over here where I'll post snippets, extended scenes and scrapped scenes. When the fic ends I also have alternative endings written out that you guys might like! Depending on the popularity of this fic I might end up even creating a discord server, I'm not particularly sure how this fic will do but I'm a huge fan of connecting with my readers, more about a discord server below.

Is the fic titled yet? What's it about?

Yes it is! The fic will be called 'My Godforsaken Loverboy' and it's an AU of Edwin and Charles being dorm mates at St. Hilarions spanning five years. It's very much a slow burn that may drive you insane but I promise I spent forever going through Tumblr hunting down popular head canons and dynamic wishes that seemed popular to throw in this fic so hopefully there's something for everyone! A proper summary will be released soon!

Is this based off the Netflix Series?

Here's where I may lose some people. While it's definitely got plenty of aspects from the Netflix shows (Mostly character wise) I planned the entire fic around the comics and Doom Patrol's season three episode 'Dead Patrol' so the dynamics may be different to what you'll be expecting if you've only watched the Netflix show! I apologise if this throws some people off but I adore them in Doom Patrol dearly.

Now a question for you guys, do we want a discord server?

I'd love a discord server centred around Dead Boy Detectives in general! Where we could share head cannons, fanart, fic recs, ect in more of a discussion way instead of screaming into a void. So here's my idea, I'm more than happy to create an overall Dead Boy Detectives server however it'd just have a channel or two dedicated purely to this fic but I'd have plenty of other channels for different fics as well! I've been on servers like this before and really enjoyed them. Send me a message if you like this idea so I don't lose track of you and if I get enough people I'll make it!

PS. Sorry to those that wanted it posted as a one shot 😔 I decided this seemed the most manageable and reasonable

[tadpolesonalgae]

So, I saw @acoazlove do this, and I thought it would be fun way of recapping this year of fanfiction! Also maybe a fun thing to come back to at the beginning of 2026!

These are the questions in an easily copy-able format if anyone else wants to join in!

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024? 2. How many fics did you complete this year? 3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year? 4. What was your favourite thing you wrote? 5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style? 6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or reception? 7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved and went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!) 8. Who is an artist that inspired you? 9. Who is an author that inspired you? 10. Who is a new author you discovered? 11. Did you start any collaborations? How did you start it? 12. What accomplishments are you proudest of? 13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year? 14. What is your advice? 15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

Absolutely zero. I don't know how it works but I will eventually learn. Just not today.

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

Around 80 I think! But that's including all those cbmthy chapters and additional parts to series, none of which are technically completed :')

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

If we're only counting the ones from this year, then I'm pretty sure it's only The Other Woman! (Maybe The Painter and The Prostitute, The Wrong Side of History, and The High Lord's Whore? Idk if those are going to be ongoing things or not though!) I think all my other ongoing fics were started either in '22 or '23! So not that bad!

4. What was your favourite thing you wrote?

This is such a difficult question </3 The Other Woman was a big piece for me in terms of the emotion that fuelled it, but I also loved cbmthy chapter 24, and Stalking Through The Underbrush! (But also Degraded for Nesta, and Shared Camomile for Elain)

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I think maybe Blood-borne for Az, or To Old Gods for Tamlin? Blood-borne is a fic where I was really trying for atmosphere, and trying to build a scene to set up the story, and it was a similar case with To Old Gods with kind of writing fanfiction in a way I haven't tried before? I generally imagine Prythian to be a lovely place because of all the wonder magic can bring about, but Blood-borne was a little on the sinister side, and To Old Gods felt more Celtic/medieval than the kind of magic I generally think of being most prevalent throughout Prythian?

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or reception?

I think the Dark!Feysand, Tag, You're It series startled me since it's getting some plot? When it began as almost entirely smut. Also chapter 16 of cbmthy - I thought it was the worst chapter I'd written when I posted it but then some people were so kind about it and it's now one of my favourite chapters of the whole series! And as usual The Other Woman - that fic was definitely a step out of my comfort zone so hearing some people want more of her (the reader, her life, and her revenge), and being able to relate to some aspects of her anger, and hatred, was very personal and soothing to me.

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved and went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

I find this a hard question to answer because I'm not sure how to gauge it? I'm always happy that anyone is reading my writing and enjoying it, so in that sense there isn't a single piece I've written that I felt 'went under the radar'. That being said, if there was a fic I'd be particularly giddy if someone took interest in, it would probably be Messy Breakups and Messier Bedsheets for Cassian's day of acotar-omegaverse-week! Since there's only one part out currently there's not much to go on, but I'm planning for it to be a very fun and messy series, with some light-hearted angst that's more appropriate for a TV drama or something! :)

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

A music artist would probably be Sofia Isella? I've been listening to her since before 2024 so I'm not sure if she counts but she's definitely put some ideas in my head for fic writing! Also Enya. And electronic music.

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

For fanfiction and general writing style: @azrielhours , @whisperingmidnights , and @throneofsapphics

Rags has a way of writing like she's sticking her hand right into my chest and soothing my heart. The way she captures softness and intimacy always blows me away and if I'm ever in a bit of a foul mood, or feeling generally disappointed in the world, her writing will always cheer me up without fail. It's genuinely so impressive just how intense her stories make me feel (pleasantly), and how perfectly she articulates special feelings relating to tenderness (Take Care; Lessons on Relief), and love of one's home. (Captured; Domestic) August has an incredibly vivid way of writing. I adore how she writes Rhysand in Heart of Velaris, and also how she writes Feysand, both in her Sunday Morning series and in Something Wicked <3 She also has some relatively niche interests (like her Helion x reader x Azriel fics - Sunlight & Shadow) but she writes them SO PASSIONATELY. Seriously, something just being kind of niche doesn't stop August from enjoying it which is lovely to see, both in her enjoyment of Gwynlain, and the pieces she's written for Gwyn and Rhys <3 Irene has written so much it's astonishing (I was so excited and overwhelmed when I first saw how much I'd get to read from her). I have such lovely memories of reading through Have Your Little Girlfriend, and Old Faces, over the summer when having breakfast, and I'm fairly confident I've devoured ever single smutty piece of hers that I can get my hands on (Pretty Girl? Passed out. Against The Contract? Jaw-dropping). I also usually despise angst but Irene does it too well. I can't resist. And it's also so cathartic in getting to read her angsty pieces then expressing sorrow either in the comments, or through an ask. <3

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

@secret-third-thing

STT I only found earlier this year (2024) but her writing style is so impressive. I'm frequently left feeling deeply anguished after reading her writing - she has a way of expression/articulation that has you understanding the environment she's writing in. She uses words I either don't know or have never heard of (yay, vocabulary expansion!), and creates settings and sceneries that are so incredibly immersive straight from the get go in a way I haven't read before. I'm sometimes left feeling a little disgruntled because her work feels so much further developed than my own writing style, but I think she's studied a lot more, read more, and worked to become a better writer. I find I admire how serious and meticulous she is about continuing to improve.

11. Did you start any collaborations? How did you start it?

Umm, I didn't initiate it, but @readychilledwine has been astonishing with organising the @thehouseofvanserra collaboration. She's the one who offered up dates for when to have fics ready by, checking with the writers involved whether the times would suit us, and has also been so understanding with writers who were unsure of whether they'll be able to overcome a block by then. She organised the majority of the collab, put the blog together, came up with cool designs (tested different fonts, different backgrounds, offered ideas on how to make the collaboration as fun for the writers and as many readers as possible, and has taken on the role of managing the blog), and has made the whole process run so smoothly - so I wanted to say a thank you for all the work she's put in so far for the sake of the collaboration <3

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

They're not really my accomplishments since I didn’t do the reaching out (The Scary Part), but I feel like I’ve made some more friends within the fandom, which is very nice.

@sarawritestories has been so kind and welcoming. She’s always so sweet and such a great listener, and seems to genuinely care about people and want the best for them! Not to mention I love Come Here, Sweetheart! 🧡💛 @ninthcircleofprythian is someone I look up to in how steadfast she is. I really admire her humour, even if I’m initially startled for a few moments 🤨 I think she’s strong willed and an amazing writer 🧡💛 (Stuck In The Middle With You? So sweet; so quintessentially Ninth) @pit-and-the-pen I love your music taste and your Az fics, and how encouraging you are whenever new ideas for fics are mentioned 🧡💛. (Please go to sleep. was so heartwarming—it’s such a comfort!) @daycourtofficial you’re always there to hype people up and you have such a charming sense of humour, not to mention I love all the bug facts! (And getting to talk about knitting. I love getting to talk about knitting) (And Falling In Love On The Fourth Floor - I love that fic!) 🧡💛 @readychilledwine I love your fluffy pieces, I love your smutty pieces, and you're such a kind, caring person to be around and talk to - there's nothing not to love! (Size kink with Az frequently sends me to heaven - amazing) 🧡💛 @dawneternal not only can you draw beautifully, but you’re also a wonderfully compelling writer! I love your characterisation of LoA/Edana in The Benevolent, and you’re such a joy to talk to 🧡💛 @nocasdatsgay you’re so sweet and so supportive 🧡💛 (I also started reading Neapolitan Bonds after you mentioned it maybe a week or so ago and it has sunk its CLAWS into my brain.) (cannot wait to read more you don’t understand!!) (thank you for writing it) @lady-of-tearshed you're the sweetest ball of fire I've ever met. I can always count on you to have some witty retort queued and at the ready <3 Also the beginning lines in Temporary made me so emotional. Stop. I'm not usually an Azris girlie but my horizons are being begrudgingly expanded 🧡💛 @tsunami-of-tears I LOVE YOUR DIVIDERS (obviously). The Seasonal and Solar Court ones in particular are so handy for specific acotar themes, and the halloween dividers you did were so cute (the pink ones specifically made me squeal) 🧡💛

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing. I don’t yet know what causes it because honestly there could be so many reasons, and so many variables that I’m not - at this stage - interested in trying to figure out what they are.

14. What is your advice?

Just try and be happy with what you have. You can aim for more, you can be overwhelmed with how much you’ve achieved, but I think if you’re unhappy with where you are (in the context of sharing fanfiction specifically 😅) then it’s more difficult to enjoy the process. But I think that might be something you just have to learn through experience and not something that one can really have told to them.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

I want to tie up a few loose ends. I’ve accumulated quite a few short series for a few characters, and I would like to experience the satisfaction of finishing one off 🫠

[lunarmelon]

TimeSkip!Garou Relationship Hcs! Pt.2!

This is definitely all over the place but that’s okay. This isn’t proofread lolz. Enjoy🍛🩵

Issues. This man has issues. Parental issues. Abandonment issues. I feel that aspect of him gets overlooked in fanfics.

He didn’t care what people thought about him in during his monster arc(not true) but when you told him you cared for him, that changed him. He wanted your approval, your opinions, your thoughts. Despite that, he would question why you care for someone like him. Someone with flaws like his. Again, abandonment issues. Needs reassurance from you. No one else. Well, besides Tareo and Bang.

Occasionally would find it hard to communicate nicely. Would be blunt about things, but not in a asshole way with you. He just doesn’t know how to say things sometimes.

During an argument, he would yell trying to get his point across. After an argument, he would go out and take a walk for a bit. Probably wont talk to you for a while, needs clarity. After awhile, will talk to you and figure something out together. That’s if the argument was abt something important.

Will sometimes pick up extra shifts, or work random jobs on eBay, just to do something extra for you both. Can’t say much in words, but will do things with and for you. Acts of service, and quality time.

He kinda likes to match outfits. Not like those cheesy ass Mickey/Minnie stuff(maybe king/queen lolz)

Didn’t listen to much music before since he didn’t have a phone. Now, he likes listening to music, but will still prefer silence. Will randomly send you songs that say, “listen to this!” Or “reminds me of you”

I would see him living outside but close to the city. A nice small house with the basic necessities near a woods and river. Nature is healing for him.

If he goes on a walk, he’ll return with a rock, a stick, or a flower and will give it to you and say, “For you” or “look, found this while out. Pretty cool, huh?”

He will catch himself wondering what future you and him will have. Will you both have kids? Adopt? How about pets? Will you both move? Somewhere dangerous? Somewhere nicer? Will you both have figured things out? Will you both still be together? …..duh!

Will follow you around. Going to the grocery store? He’s tagging along. Need to tend to plants outside? He’ll grab the watering can. Grabbing a snack from the kitchen? He’s right behind you. Taking the trash to the dumpster? He’ll hold the other trash bag so you don’t have to. Quality time.

He also loves ‘doing your own thing in eachothers presence’ thing. Finds it relaxing and enjoyable.

[askthefairlynormalparentsau]

Thank you to everyone who submitted an ask!! And to those who didn’t get a chance, don’t worry- the box will be opening again once I’ve completed all the comics for ‘set one’! (Tho submissions and my PERSONAL ask box will remain open 🫶)

Why close the box at all? Mostly because if I keep adding things to the queue then we’ll NEVER get to Hazel’s arrival, and I really want to get there lol ☠️

I really hope yall will enjoy the content I have cookin up, this blog has been the most fun I’ve had with a project in recent memeory, and the collaborative aspect just makes it that much more special ;w; 💕🥺 I LOVE reading all your comments and tags, they rlly keep me invested and wanting to see what else I can do w this AU concept 💙💜

If you have a META question about the swap AU you’d like to ask me the mod, my main art blog is @winniefrezcomics and I’d be happy to Drabble about concepts that are farther off in the plot, later in the timeline, or wont be addressed directly in the ask blog plot at all- (questions about angst and spice are a-ok on that blog btw! 👍some posts just won’t be reblogged onto the wholesome page lmao)

SPEAKING OF the plot- THIS blog is the Archive of ALL my AU content, (drabbles, doodles, mini comics AND asks) but if you’d like to read just the ‘canon plot’ in ORDER, you can now do so HERE! https://www.tumblr.com/fopswapauchronological

(If a post is missing it’s from set 2 and I just drew it early shhhhh lol)

Genuinely Thank you all so sm for your overwhelming support, I wasn’t sure anyone else would like the idea of this AU, but it’s been really nice to work on just one project for a change, and I hope you all will love the wacky, wholesome content I’m working on as much as I’ve enjoyed drawing it for you 🫶💕💜💙

(Don’t yet have a NUMBER estimate on how many asks remain in set one, but I’ll definitely initiate a countdown of some kind for the ask box’s re-opening! uwu maybe the last 10 asks or so idk)

[lavendermoonlitskies]

2024 Fic Roundup

Thanks @bellisima-writes for the tag!

What fandoms do you write for?

Only Good Omens. I can’t explain why but that show has been the only one that has ever inspired me this much.

How many words have you published in 2024?

Oh wow I just checked and I guess that would be 41,513 in total 🙈

What is your greatest achievement this year?

I was pretty proud of Dream A Little Dream of Me when I finished that, but now I guess I’d say that my greatest achievement is not giving up on a story I believe in (current WIP) despite everything that has happened in the fandom as well as in my personal life. I don’t expect it to reach “fandom classic” status, it’s probably going to end up flying somewhat under the radar, but that’s okay. I don’t need a lot of attention as some sort of “reward” for my hard work, I just want to write.

What are your top 3 favorite fics you wrote this year?

The Road Less Traveled (WIP)

Rating: unrated

Word count (current): 12,143

The road is Crowley’s only friend in the wake of Aziraphale’s departure. Endless landscapes, filled with the memories of a simpler time, becoming nothing more than a blur as the demon drove impossibly fast to avoid even a glance in its direction.

Maybe he’s running from his past, but is it truly possible to run forever?

It’s A Big, Lonely Universe Out There

Rating: Mature

Word count: 5,618

Crowley softened, watching Aziraphale’s terrified eyes imagine the lonely existence he was dangerously close to. He began to feel the drafty air in Heaven that was just a little bit too cold, a headache forming from the blinding white that covered every inch of that space. The looming threat of being tossed into the fiery pits of Hell over the tiniest hint of disobedience, with nobody there to come to his rescue. The cold stares of his colleagues, each and every one of them glaring at him with disdain and disapproval over the blasphemous ways in which he’d chosen to spend his time on earth. It was cold, so cold.

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

***

It's 1941 in London, England, and Aziraphale & Crowley have had a very eventful evening. The night is almost over when they're sat in the middle of a dimly-lit bookshop, wine glasses in hand. Things may start to go awry when they get a little too drunk, and start admitting things they probably shouldn't.

Find Me In Your Dreams, My Dear/Le Chant du Rossignol (Song of the Nightingale)

Parts 1 and 4 of Dream A Little Dream of Me. Part 1 was the first time I stepped out of my shell a little bit and had someone beta read, and I was really happy with the final product after that (thanks @serenity-black !). You definitely have to read parts 2 and 3 in order to understand what’s going on in Le Chant, but I felt better about how part 4 was written. I guess the more action-packed parts of the stories I write are not totally my strong suit, maybe I’m better at the emotional aspect; what’s going on in these characters’ heads before and after the big event.

What have you learned?

From a technical standpoint I learned a lot about formatting/basic grammar rules for writing a story with dialogue and all that 😅

But I’ve also learned a lot more about myself and what I apparently love to do. Big thanks to the GO fandom for reintroducing me to the joys of reading and writing 🥰

Also I researched a fuckton of random topics for these works, and anyways now I’m a lot more familiar with the map of Europe and I know a lot about Centaurus/Alpha Centauri

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

I tried joining one of those fic bangs this spring because I thought it would bring me more out of my shell, and it kind of did in a way but overall it just didn’t work out. I was excited about collaborating with people and making connections, but it wasn’t exactly like that and the fic itself just wasn’t sparking anything in me. It felt more like a job than something I was doing for fun 🤷‍♀️

Did you beta any fics?

I honestly don’t remember lmao

I don’t think so?

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Phersu by JunKolt

I absolutely LOVE any fics that place Aziraphale and Crowley in different moments in history, especially when you can tell that the writer really did their research and the historical accuracy is THERE. Beautifully written, romantic, very bittersweet.

Don’t Fall Away From Me by @phoen1xr0se

Technically I read this at the very end of 2023 but I’m counting it anyway

If this fic has no fans I am dead. Fr. Absolutely brilliant. Bravo fellow moot👏👏👏

run across the river (just to hold you tonight) by hope_in_the_dark

Yk I had to throw in a short one just for good measure

Short, sweet, beautiful writing. Perfect for a lil bed time story from time to time, as a treat

Who do you want to thank?

The first one who comes to mind is @thavron who asked me to join their writing group for November (now continuing on into December ofc)! Without the little extra push that your server has given me, I honestly don’t know that I would’ve kept going with my current WIP despite how much I do believe in it. Big thanks ✌️💜

Thanks to @serenity-black (and also Aves whose Tumblr I don’t believe I have if they’re even on here) for beta-reading! It felt weirdly vulnerable to ask someone to take a look at my writing and tell me what they thought but I’m glad I did it and thank you for being so encouraging when you did☺️

Thank you to @thinkinginscripts @butterflywithsass and @manicpixiecatlady for working with me on the “fanfic book club” for the Good Omens fandom! I think it’s been wonderful so far 🥰

And a big thank you to every person who has left a nice comment on my works, you have no idea what that means to me

Happy holidays! ✌️🎄

[ramlightly]

if you ever do get around to writing and posting the kink character analysis ramble you mentioned in the tags of the "lapis tops" post i would be very interested in reading it and hopefully other people agree with me

Lol I did get a couple of asks for this! Lets see if I can keep this from getting too long.

Okay so- there is a doylist and watsonian aspect to writing kink for characters, right?

Basil and Dandelion have a sub/dom relationship with kinks like humiliation, voyeurism, and bondage. A lot of this is based around Basil''s complicated relationship with sex and catholicism and his own desires to be submissive. Or Dandelion's preference for being on top and being in charge during sex. That's the Watsonian layer.

But then there is my own desires out of their relationship, where I'm playing with hierophilia and a corruption kink and monster-fucking, these not things the characters would be aware of. This is the Doylist layer and are the foundations is what their relationship is actually built on. Basil/Dandelion came together pretty naturally in that regard. I am their god and I want them to fuck like this

In fact, a lot of the characters I make for Temptations are originally because I wanted to explore a different dynamics and relationships. Ginger was for fem-dom. Thistle was because I wanted a bigger lady and a character that acted a third to Basil/Dandelion's dynamic that wasn't romantic. Hollyhock because vampires are hot. They all grew from those originally seeds, but only because I planted them there first.

There are the character's preferences and my preferences for the characters. A a certain point , the actual characterization begins to get in the way. You can't do the same dynamic of Basil/Dandelion with Malady/Lapis. You just cant. Even when originally I that was I was planning for.

Look at Lapis and Basil: they're both bottoms with masochistic tendencies but they have such different characters especially with their feelings about sex. Lapis is sly, clever, and very very careful when it comes to other people. He isn't interested in being humiliated or being treated as an object, he's far too distrusting. There's just been too many relationships where he got hurt from and he likes having control too much. He's the one who holds the reigns during sex, even with Malady. Especially with Malady. They're both into that.

In fact, Lapis and Malady's attitude towards sex is so much more casual compared Basil's and Dandelions. There is a power dynamic, because all relationships are, but they don't have any angst towards fucking. It's fun, they like each other a lot, so they have sex. I was originally planning on them having multiple partners like Basil/Dandelion do, but, honestly those two are stuck at the hip.

It's what I mean about characterization ultimately trumping my intentions. Malady definitely has developed beyond my original concepts for him (he's such a simp now lol, he was supposed to be cool!!!). But it's better to just let character become what they need to be rather try to hamstring them. It's more fun that way, imo.

I'm sparing everyone from going on another tangent, so I'll end it here lol. I hope that was... interesting? At least it's a peak into how I think about characters.

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 95 (Warning: This Fic has a whole load of sensitive subject matter throughout it, so check the tags and go in at your own discretion)

Burning Lungs by Oxidize

Alrighty I’mma be perfectly honest, I have no idea how to approach this one. This might be the . . . darkest? No. I think the best (but still not best?) way I could describe this fic as would be, the most openly graphic story. Not in a super brutal descriptions of gore kind of graphic, just in the sense that when talking about the darker aspects of these characters backstories it’s the most in your face. I’d even argue it’s kind of overboard at points.

This is Burning Lungs! Another multi-chapter story, and unfortunately, another Unfinished one. 

You know those posts talking about when you binge read a fic and get super invested only to hit the most recent chapter and realize that it hasn’t been updated in a super long time?? For me, this is THE fic I think of when that kind of posts comes up. That and a Tokomaru fic I read years ago as a young teen but that’s not Junkan so it’s irrelevant here. 

A short summation of the fic for those who chose not to read it given the warnings. Junko catches Pneumonia and has to stay in the Nurse’s Office at Hope’s Peak, where her caretaker is, unsurprisingly Mikan! Initially she hates Mikan, partially because of her sickness. However through the combination of Mikan’s kind nature, and constant nightmares of her childhood, she eventually comes to start loving Mikan.

Now of course, because the fic is unfinished, we don’t get to see these feelings fully come together, just snippets as Junko slowly finds herself more and more fond of Mikan.

I love this fic, like, a lot. While I could do without the at times kind of excessive flashbacks going over how bad Junko (and Mukuro’s) childhood was, everything outside of that is so good that I’m willing to overlook my minor gripe. And even then the last flashback actually is what makes me wish this fic had continued. Since (And yes we’re getting into spoilers from here on out) it reveals that Junko and Mikan had unknowingly met as young children, and like, god i fucking love that trope. Especially in the context of this fic. 

Something I find myself fond of which is only possible with these dream sequences is the way the author lets both characters slowly bond because of their trauma. We only ever get to see Junko’s side of things of course, but I still really like the vibe. My favorite moment from this story is in the last chapter, when Mikan talks to Junkan about some of her own personal history, for a lot of reasons! For one I just like seeing Junko having grown a bit further since for a decent portion of the fic she’s had a very negative opinion of Mikan due to being stuck in bed and sick, with that outlook being chipped away by Mikan’s kindness (along with recognizing her struggles).

It also involves Mikan’s bandages! I’ve said previously that I’m just like, obsessed with those and the ways they can be used when portraying Mikan. Here it is, definitely uncomfortable but I’m pretty sure that’s the point. And it’s the hardest indicator for Junko that Mikan and her are the same, deeply damaged girls who deserved better. 

The line in the inner monologue that strikes my mind the hardest is “Not Tsumiki” because that feels like the hardest shift in Junko’s brain where she begins to not just wish for Mikan’s happiness, but also when she starts falling for her (Even if she tries to fight back that notion in her mind as just a need for affection.) Like everything after that between these two specifically I love. 

Mikan doing Junko’s hair (both times) is lovely and gives me a similar energy to why I love the idea of Mikan’s love language coming out through medical care. Oh! Nother thing I like (Sorry I’m focusing so much on Chapter 3, it’s really good), Junko doesn’t just like, instantly switch to only being nice with Mikan. She’s significantly kinder to her, but she’s just like, reflexively a bitch sometimes. She’s gotta work through it, and I like to imagine she would have if the series continued (and I do have thoughts on that, but that’s for the future) 

This is a small thing but I also like the background of Mukuro and Sayaka getting together in the background, just something cute that does my heart good. I’ve always wanted to try out the cold spoon trick since this is where I learned it from. Alas, my relationship is long distance, so I’ve yet to get a nice hickey- Oops that got off topic.

I believe that’s all the notable stuff I wanted to mention here? I hope those who choose to read have a good time with it! Because I certainly did.

To the author (who I tried to find outside of AO3 ((also checking its profile reveals it uses it/its pronouns. Hopefully that remains accurate should you be finding this post, apologies if not and I’m willing to edit this if necessary!)), but it doesn’t seem to have any other accounts under the same username), I sincerely hope that wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you’re doing well. I always wish the best to these authors when I come across a long unfinished storyline that may never continue (And in this case it noted on its profile that the fics it made during this release year won’t be finished). I made art based on this fic both out of love for it, and in hopes that you’d find this! Not out of a desire to see the story finish (Even if I do), but to let ya know that what work you did put into this already is wonderful! Thankyou! Oh right. Should talk about the art.

Hey guess what, it’s more Chapter 3 stuff, another adaptation of course. I tried hard to get Mikan’s outfit correct based on the descriptions from earlier chapters. It was very weird getting to draw Mikan in an outfit that’s well, realistic? I’ve drawn her in sweaters and the like before, but I struggle to describe the sense of realism described in this fit. It’s now that I realize with a reread that her outfit in this chapter might have been different, as it showed off her bandages more (unless I missed a line), meaning she might have been wearing something closer to her Nurse Uniform? I’m still happy with this despite that!

Oh! Slight extra note, I like Mikan wearing more bandaids (the tiny kind) across her face and fingers rather than just her arm, leg, and knee like normal. Adds a sense of uniqueness!~ 

Anyway, I felt very confident in the choice to adapt the scene when Junko wakes up from her first nightmare of the chapter. Held in Mikan’s arm as she’s being calmed down. You know me, I like the role reversal with this ship, and Mikan comforting Junko ALWAYS gives me life.

Coloring and shading this was super hard, but super fun! I wanted this to be a much more desaturated and dull looking pic in terms of the presentation, since this fic always gave me a vibe of being a lot more realistic in its interpretation of Danganronpa Characters. It wasn’t easy, but I think it was worth it!

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 13

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

The intimacy of last night might have been too much for either or both of them.

sorry you’re not convincing me that scene was like groundbreaking relationship-shifting magical catharsis. but this is ultimately damen’s narration and his perception has never been 1:1 with what’s actually happening, in terms of authorial intent or what i analyze

They were gazing at each other. To Damen’s delight, Laurent reached out to trace a touch down over his body. Laurent was looking at him as if he couldn’t quite believe the fact of him, as if even touch could not quite confirm it. ‘What?’ Damen was smiling. ‘You’re very,’ said Laurent, and then, flushing, ‘attractive.’ ‘Really,’ said Damen, in a rich, warm voice. ‘Yes,’ said Laurent.

this is laurent being soft, but also still being laurent. if that makes sense. the one scene we’ve gotten through his pov has shown that he overthinks every aspect of a situation—the fact that he just awkwardly states that he has observed that damen is hot, in an attempt to ground himself in some kind of objective knowledge, is both adorable and poignant

‘Well,’ Damen owned, turning his head back to Laurent eventually, ‘You are too.’ Laurent dropped his head slightly, on the edge of laughter. He said, with absurd fondness, ‘Most people tell me that right away.’

damen always thought it, but i think laurent appreciates that he didn’t say it then. he really appreciates hearing it now, because damen actually knows him. the compliment has substance and weight and importance that it otherwise wouldn’t. it’s funny bc laurent has used his beauty to manipulate damen before—the baths, verisimilitude, etc.—but i think this is the first time he actually WANTS damen to find him beautiful. maybe even the first time he wants anyone to find him beautiful, for reasons other than strategy (like with torveld)

Sweet and simple in the morning, Laurent’s beauty was heart-stopping.

“you like it simple” my thoughts about that single line of dialogue from chapter 7 is going to continue to be a subject of importance throughout these annotations, as damen ~finally gets what he wants~ from laurent (not using quotation marks bc i don't want to make it look like that's in the text, but i'm being like sarcastic/ironic/whatever)

If there had been a chance for our countries to be—’ Friends.

i like how immature his thought here is, evidenced by the fact that he doesn’t even say it. damen knows it’s silly to think about politics like this, but he’s so attached to laurent as an individual that he’s starting to see vere as a person too. which is both great, bc it shows how much his character has evolved from accepting everything he once believed, but also highlights the way damen can lose himself and his critical thinking in his attachments

'I would have been trailing around tugging on your sleeve, trying to get a look in edgewise.'

cue a bazillion pieces of fanart

After a moment, Laurent said, ‘He would have liked you.’ ‘Even after I started courting his little brother?’ said Damen carefully. He watched Laurent stop, the way that he did when he was taken by surprise, and then lift his eyes to meet Damen’s. ‘Yes,’ said Laurent softly, his cheeks reddened slightly.

this is soooo crazy for them. while i think it does represent legit development, i also think they’re kind of acting the parts of people who are lot more healed and happy than they actually are. like they feel the desire for lightheartedness and vulnerability, and don’t want to deal with the things that make them uncomfortable anymore, so they’re just committing to the bit that they’re fine and seeing where it takes them. see also: the previous sex scene. but they still have big problems (see also: the previous sex scene again) and the book is not over yet

‘No. Listen to me.’ He felt Laurent’s hand firm on the back of his neck. ‘I’m not going to let my uncle hurt you.’ Laurent’s blue gaze was calm and steady, as if he had made a decision and wanted Damen to know it. ‘It’s what I came here last night to say. I’m going to take care of it.’ ‘Promise me,’ Damen heard himself say. ‘Promise me we won’t let him—’ ‘I promise.’

oh he already knows he’s trading himself for damen’s not-son, doesn’t he. which also makes the uncertain and uncomfortable vibes of the previous scene make a lot of sense. it’s kind of a repeat of their sex scene in prince’s gambit, except this time only laurent knows it’s probably the last time (or one of the last times) they’ll ever have together

actually wow yeah, laurent’s insistence here—“listen to me, it’s what i came to say, i promise’—that really nails down the finality and desperation he’s feeling. and damen just Didn’t Get It, and still doesn’t. which is interesting bc he was so pleased in the last scene that laurent was finally being honest, and accepting him for who he was. while laurent was accepting damen finally, and wasn’t even really LYING about his intentions (like right here, he pretty much deadass says it), damen is so distracted and overwhelmed by this romantic victory that he doesn’t notice the tragedy looming

also—“let him” what, exactly? “hurt him?” do you think laurent thinks damen knows what the regent specifically did to him, and could do to his son? bc if i didn’t know that he didn’t know, this line would pretty much indicate that he did. wow that is an incoherent sentence.

Laurent said it seriously, his voice honest; no game playing, just the truth.

damen isn’t actively trying to deceive the reader, but he is definitely incorrect in his certainty a lot of the time. but then again, those words were the truth—laurent is not going to let his uncle hurt damen’s not-kid, and it was the reason he visited last night.

The kissing this time had an echo of last night’s desperation, a need to block out the outside world and stay for a moment longer in this cocoon, Laurent’s arms winding around his neck.

okay what did i just say. we are so fucking back (in terms of actually good analysis)

‘Come in,’ said Laurent, turning his head towards the sound. Damen said, ‘Laurent,’ shocked and on full display as the door swung open. Pallas entered. Laurent greeted him with no self-consciousness at all. ‘Yes?’ Laurent’s voice was matter-of-fact. Pallas’s mouth opened. Damen saw what Pallas saw: Laurent like some dream of a newly fucked virgin, himself unmistakably above him, fully roused. He flushed all over. In Ios, he might have dallied with a lover while a household slave attended to some task in the room, but only because a slave was so far beneath him in status as not to signify. The idea of a soldier watching him make love to Laurent was breaking open his mind. Laurent had never even taken an acknowledged lover before, let alone—

ironic that damen was so overjoyed in the last chapter about this exact situation—that it was LAURENT who he had, being vulnerable and acting like his past submissive partners coughslaves —but when he actually gets spotted in this situation he’s like oohhhhhhh my goddddd nooooo!

like i know i kinda talk shit about akelions a lot, but the persistent theme that it’s inherently some kind of like natural entitlement of the “powerful” (royal, rich etc.) to possess and use people designated beneath them in status just truly reveals how weak and transparent their power actually is. like of course you’re going to look strong, if you only allow yourself to be seen with people you’ve placed in lower stations. some of damen’s shame here must be due in part to his akelion upbringing, but that same upbringing is WHY he got so excited about making someone as powerful and stubborn as laurent submissive and vulnerable to him. in a culture where it’s encouraged to keep it simple, he’s found himself deeply rewarded by the complication of laurent in ways he’d never anticipated, but also afraid of how that complication will come across to his countrymen.

Pallas turned blindly, and made for the door. ‘What is it?’ Laurent looked at Damen, who had detached himself and was sitting with the sheet pulled up to where he had clutched it to cover himself. And then, with the burgeoning delight of discovery, ‘Are you shy?’ ‘In Akielos we don’t,’ said Damen, ‘in front of other people.’ ‘Not even the King?�� ‘Especially not the King,’ said Damen, for whom the King still partly meant his father. ‘But how does the court know if the royal marriage has been consummated?’ ‘The King knows whether or not it has been consummated!’ Horrified. Laurent stared at him. Damen was surprised when Laurent dropped his head, and even more surprised when Laurent’s shoulders started shaking. Around the laughter emerged, ‘You wrestled him without any clothes on.’ ‘That is sports,’ said Damen. He folded his arms, thinking that Veretians lacked any sense of dignity, even as Laurent sitting up and pressing a delighted kiss to his lips had him slightly mollified.

love this lighter shot at the cultural miscommunications here. but MAN is it hard to ignore the giant dark shadow over laurent’s every word and action here. unless you’re damen i guess, but that’s part of why they’ve always worked well together (see other annotations about damen allowing laurent to feel like a person beyond his trauma because he doesn’t really understand it, while still being a fiercely protective and uniquely intuitive partner in romance and life)

Later, ‘The King of Vere really consummates his marriage in front of the court?’ ‘Not in front of the court,’ said Laurent, as if this were unspeakably foolish, ‘in front of the Council.’ ‘Guion is on the Council!’ said Damen.

it is very funny to realize how in vere, sex is basically a form of bureaucracy and political posturing. and it’s like, some people are having fun with it, but others aren’t. as opposed to akielos, where it’s also posturing but sounds like pretty much everyone who is high-class enough to have slaves is very happy to partake. unlike vere, they do it in the privacy of their bedrooms, and people are taught to believe it’s happening and respect it. in vere, if it’s NOT happening in a public forum, no one really gives a shit and it might as well not be happening at all.

basically, sex is a means of political posturing and demonstrating status in both kingdoms, but in distinctly different ways. in akielos, it’s the equivalent of subtly telling everyone at the hedge fund that you have an affluent lifestyle by wearing certain clothes and using advanced technology. you’re perceived and accepted as certified finance bro by tasteful implication. but in vere, it’s more like straight-up driving your third tesla into the office and loudly counting your money during staff meetings (i don’t know if hedge funds have staff meetings) so it’s garishly undeniable to your wealthy peers that you belong

‘I’m sorry Govart is dead. I know you were trying to keep him alive.’

“sorry for your loss, of the man you killed with a chair. we both fuckin hated the guy but he would have made great leverage” they really are rubbing off on each other <3

‘I thought he knew something that I could use against my uncle. It doesn’t matter. We’ll stop him another way.’

and what way would that be. laurent. (also, a surprise tool that will help us later!)

‘It was nothing. There was a knife fight. I got free, and Guion and I came to an arrangement.’

and it was one of the best chapters in the entire series

‘You were taken prisoner, you single-handedly escaped from the cells at Fortaine, and somehow managed to get Guion to switch sides on the way out?’ ‘Well,’ said Laurent, ‘not everyone is as bad at escaping as you are.’

laurent would enjoy tabletop roleplay gaming so much. also i love them

‘When you lost your brother, was there someone to comfort you?’ ‘Yes,’ said Laurent. ‘In a way.’ ‘Then I’m glad,’ said Damen. ‘I’m glad you weren’t alone.’ Laurent pushed himself away, up into a sitting position, and for a moment he sat, without speaking. He pushed his palms into his eye sockets. ‘What is it?’ ‘It’s nothing,’ said Laurent.

ohhhhhh my god (i wonder if mentally laurent is like, ‘well i thought he might have figured it out, but i guess not. how the fu—‘)

‘We should—’ ‘And we will.’ Laurent turned to him, sliding fingers into his hair. ‘But first, we have the morning.’

“and then i will turn myself in to my abusive creep of an uncle as a solution to the problem i’m ignoring. but for now, this is a romance novel, and i’m stepping into your genre for a change”

(which is i think the main thing i missed in my analysis of the previous chapter, by the way. i’ve written so much about damen being forced into laurent’s genre but remaining romantic despite the horrors, but that last scene was a subversion where laurent is forcing himself to ignore the horrors so he can both indulge damen’s perception of them and try to experience it himself as a relief from the imminent tragedy and his past traumas)

After, they talked.

great thing to write after a fade to black sex scene! reminds us what their relationship really is about, beyond the physicality and emotional catharsis. these two fell in love doing battle strategy, remember?

Servants brought a breakfast of fruits, soft cheese, honey and breads on round platters,

glad to see thematically appropriate fruit basket guy is still finding work, even though damen and laurent are un-marrieddivorced

Damen took the seat closest to the wall, affixing the gold pin he had recovered to the cotton at his shoulder. Laurent sat in a relaxed pose, in only pants and a loose shirt, its collar and sleeves still open. Laurent was talking.

i love prince’s gambit

Damen realised that Laurent was letting him in to a part of himself he had never shared before, and he found himself drawn in to the political complexities, even as the experience felt new, and a little revelatory. Laurent never opened his thoughts like this, but always kept his planning intensely private, making his decisions alone.

damen i think you’re underestimating how much laurent showed you in the last book, compared to literally every other person he talks to

‘You are not keeping slaves in your household.’ ‘I can’t imagine why,’ said Damen.

smash cut to the cover of captive prince, a novel by cs pacat

‘You hate the idea of slavery. It turns your stomach.’ Damen said it, a flat statement of truth. ‘If I’d been anyone else, you would have freed me on the first night.’

doing my analysis for me. how far we’ve come

‘When I argued the case for slavery in Arles you didn’t try to change my mind.’ ‘It is not a subject for an exchange of ideas. There is nothing to say.’ ‘There will be slaves in Akielos. We are a slave culture.’

wow, i’m actually kind of surprised damen hasn’t already committed to dismantling the entire practice. i know he gets there eventually, and maybe he wants to at this point—but he’s still like, “well other people are going to do it and that’s their right.” maybe that’s the incomplete part of his development here: he’s decided that it’s wrong for HIM to be doing, as a result of his experiences and tastes, but hasn’t quiet grasped that is a universally wrong practice, even if it’s his friends and allies doing it

Damen said, ‘Are pets and their contracts so different? Did Nicaise have a choice?’ ‘He had the choice of the poor with no other way to survive, the choice of a child powerless to his elders, the choice of a man when his King gives him an order, which is no choice at all, and yet still more than is afforded to a slave.’

yep, i’m a little rusty but i do remember a lot of my laurent character analysis having to do with the fact that he would rather be doing something on purpose even if it isn’t something he wants to do, than given no choice or ability to HAVE thoughts or preferences at all. free will is extremely important to laurent, and the idea of losing it is both terrifying and shameful to him. so even in situations of financial desperation or lack of power due to age or status, laurent still believes that there is more of choice to willing submission than just never being “afforded” the ability to make choices in the first place—even if slaves live under less stressful or overall comfier conditions. even the most desperate, poor, powerless victim still has more personhood and autonomy allowed to them than a slave. and without that foundation of personhood and autonomy, there is no purpose to life.

laurent thrives on having purpose, and suffers without it. and in his big pov chapter we're also told that he often has hope, despite everything, and has to regulate it in order to be realistic. there is no purpose for a slave, and there is no hope for a slave. at least with veretian pets, at least for laurent in the veretian court, he still had purpose, and he still had hope. i think the only time in laurent's life where he did NOT feel purpose/hope was when he was under the regent's thumb, which had only happened because laurent lost hope and purpose due to auguste's death and leaned on the regent for comfort. and that situation had only really changed because the regent stopped being attracted to laurent as result of natural aging, not even because laurent was eventually able to change things due to his own internal strength. that's fucked up, man. but it does explain laurent's perspective.

Damen felt again the shock of hearing Laurent voice his private beliefs. He thought of him, helping Erasmus. He thought of him visiting the girl from the village, teaching her a sleight-of-hand trick. For the first time, he caught a glimmer of what Laurent would be like as a king. He saw him, not as the Regent’s unready nephew, not as Auguste’s younger brother, but as himself, a young man with a collection of talents thrown into leadership too early, and taking it on, because he was given no other choice.

damen, assessing laurent’s situation: he was given no other choice, but he’s still trying his best :(

laurent, miserable and tired but possessing free will: i am MAKING the choice to do this to the very best of my ability, using my compassion and intelligence in a way no one else could. even if it sucks, even if i could do something else (because i absolutely could), i am CHOOSING to be the kind of king my people deserve. having “no choice” would mean lacking the will to choose to do anything but the exact thing i’ve been trained to do, which is how both akielion slaves and princes are groomed to live (re: the latter—consider damen’s musing on his father, the military, and tradition)

I would serve him, he thought, and that itself was like a little revelation.

back in book 1 i highlighted the overall thematic question: can there be honor in submission?

yes. like this. so much has led to this line, subtly and slowly, and we’re finally seeing it said outright. damen would serve laurent because of the person he is, not the royal status that has been put upon him by birth. and he’d be doing so as a person with free will, acknowledging laurent’s complications as well as his own, instead of the imitation of a slave who can’t choose anyway so might as well just go along with it.

in other words, he’s leveling up his commitment to the bit <3

‘I know what you think of my uncle, but he is not—’ Laurent spoke after a pause. ‘Not?’ ‘He won’t hurt the child,’ said Laurent. ‘Whether it is your son or Kastor’s, it is leverage. It is leverage against you, against your armies, and against your men.’ ‘You mean that it hurts me more that my son is alive and whole than it would if he were maimed or dead.’ ‘Yes,’ said Laurent.

laurent: i know that you think my uncle is simply bloodthirsty and evil, and would only think to injure or kill your not-son, but you don’t understand that he would rather sexually abuse a young boy than kill him. because he did that to me. which you haven’t figured out. although you did know about nicaise. but you seem to have a blind spot about the entire topic.

damen: wait, what do YOU think i think of your uncle?

laurent: ignores the question basically, the kid wouldn’t get hurt, because it’s useful to my uncle to keep him intact as leverage against us both. (especially against me, because i know what he would do to that boy, but if i explained that i would have to explain why, so i’m not going to mention it specifically)

damen: so like. he won’t kill the kid because he can torture and manipulate us with it more effectively if it’s alive

laurent: somehow i have told the truth and you do understand it, but there is so much that you still don’t understand

He said it seriously, looking into Damen’s eyes. Damen felt every muscle in his body ache with the effort of not thinking of it. Of not thinking the other, darker thought, the one that at all costs must be avoided. He tried to think instead of a way forward, though it was impossible.

possibilities for “the other thought”:

1) the obvious one, and the most likely in my opinion: the regent would assault the child.

damen has a reason to suspect this, because he is aware of both nicaise and aimeric

in terms of craft and characterization, this a little hint that damen might have considered laurent being abused, but eventually dismissed the notion because it is TOO dark and too upsetting to acknowledge

^^^ active repression is in-line with damen’s overall tendencies

2) the other darker thought is the death or torture of the child, which laurent is explicitly telling him will not happen. damen is accepting that “comfort” uncritically because it doesn’t make him feel as upset or powerless as the alternative. the regent’s abuse of young boys is not being considered at all.

‘My uncle knows you won’t move against him while he holds the child,’ said Laurent. And then, calmly, steadily, ‘So we get him back.’

not going to lie, i’m not the biggest fan of the baby as a plot device. but i get why it’s used, and how it connects a lot of characters, especially like jokaste and kastor who haven’t been present in previous books. i just think it might have been more effective if it was a child that damen and/or laurent actually knew—although i do understand that the baby’s “royal lineage” probably comes into play here. but i also think a big theme of the series is about honor coming from integrity in action, rather than blood or status. but it is just a fuckin baby, and a baby is the ultimate symbol of innocence and helplessness. so maybe it’s just kind of a wash.

also the confusion about the paternity kinda just annoys me. i get that to damen it doesn’t matter, but then like. make it kastor’s baby for sure, then. that would give damen’s integrity and family oriented nature even more of a spotlight.

(maybe it is confirmed to be kastor’s at some point. i didn’t pay that much attention to this plot beat the first time around)

He looked for changes in her, but the cool, untouchable air was the same, as was the particular way that her eyes regarded him. She had the same colouring as Laurent. She had the same mathematical mind. They were like a matched pair, except that her presence was different.

it’s both telling and sweet that damen is so used to having his mind changed by laurent, who ended up so much more honorable and understandable than originally believed, that his first instinct with jokaste is to look for signs of that same potential. as opposed to damen in captive prince chapter one, whose first thought seeing laurent was “he would be an expensive sex slave”

There was a part of Laurent that was always in tension, even when he affected calm. Jokaste’s unassailable composure seemed like serenity, until you knew she was dangerous. A similar core of steel, perhaps, existed in both.

i think you might have just been down bad for jokaste in a specific way, and down bad for laurent in a different way. jokaste definitely isn’t making you feel serene now, is she? and laurent, inversely, is a great comfort to you when you first thought he was unpleasant. another example of the overarching damen nice=/=good and mean=/=bad theme.

She didn’t seem perturbed by her incarceration, or even really to notice it.

like damen in the cell, internally attentive to every little detail. i bet jokaste is too.

He said, ‘Is there a child?’

he wants it to be untrue, so the regent doesn’t have leverage over him. i also think he’s partially asking if it’s HIS, although that’s more of a personal thing that wouldn’t impact his actions in saving the kid

‘I have told you that there is,’ said Jokaste. ‘I wasn’t talking to you,’ said Damen. The attending women seated around Jokaste were of varying ages, from the eldest of perhaps sixty to the youngest, Jokaste’s age, around twenty-four.

he's learning!

‘Let me tell you what is going to happen. You are going to be executed. You are going to be executed whatever you say or do. But I will spare your women, if they agree to answer my questions.’

damen immediately doing what he’s so upset the regent is doing to him and laurent is fascinating. like “oh i have an idea of how i can challenge jokaste into talking! use human lives as leverage! wonder where that came from, anything recently happen…? oh right.”

He said to the soldiers behind him, ‘Take them.’ Jokaste said, ‘This plan of action will mean the death of the child.’ He said, ‘We haven’t established that there is a child.’ She smiled, as if pleased to discover a pet capable of a trick. ‘You’ve never been very good at games. I don’t think you have what it takes to play against me.’ He said, ‘I’ve changed.’

this entire war hinges on schroedinger’s inconvenient baby

also, jokaste was born in the wrong kingdom. i think part of the reason she’s so terrible is that she’s bored in akielos. vere’s political landscape would be enrichment for her and she’d probably thrive in that environment, and feel no desire or need to establish her status by getting pregnant by a prince

okay sorry but like. au where laurent reluctantly teams up with young noblewoman jokaste a year or so after the regent stops assaulting him, and they work together to overthrow him through complicated court political maneuvers. laurent is motivated by obvious reasons, and jokaste is mostly just personally slighted by the regent’s misogynistic court and therefore annoyed, but deep down they both know she cares about him and wants things to be better. and obviously he cares about her bc it’s laurent and he cares about everything, just doesn’t want the world to know it

‘You are the only one protected in your arrangement. These women are going to die. Unless they talk to me.’ She said, ‘You have changed. Or is this the new power behind the throne? Who am I really negotiating with here, I wonder?’

damen wouldn’t. he knows it, jokaste knows it, and laurent DEFINITELY knows it. he would not tell damen or expect damen to do this as anything more than a bluff to assess jokaste’s commitment to the bit

He was already nodding to the nearest soldier. ‘Start with her.’ It wasn’t pleasant. The women resisted, and there was screaming. He watched impassively as soldiers took hold of the women and began to drag them from the room.

wait holy fuck did he do it?? it’s not entirely clear. but i think he fucking did??? is it written vaguely to make the reader have this exact confused reaction?? hold please i’m reading more

EDIT: it's "women" and not "woman." i originally read it as "woman," meaning that the first was specifically resisting and screaming as she died, and then the soldiers seized everyone else. if it's plural women, i think it's safe to say that the first woman did not actually die, the soldiers just mobilized in a way that made kyrina scared enough to tell damen the truth, despite jokaste's warnings

‘No,’ said Jokaste. ‘He will not kill a roomful of women for loyalty to their mistress, Kyrina.’

still not saying outright if he killed the one woman, and i have to wonder WHY, if not to intentionally confuse and stress out the reader. it could go both ways with these carefully chosen words of dialogue—“he will not kill a roomful of women for loyalty.” “roomful” could imply that he already killed one but she thinks he wouldn’t kill multiple (but from what we and jokaste know of damen, that assumption makes very little sense—he’s not really like a utilitarian trolley problem kind of guy, although i guess laurent is). but “for loyalty” implies that she does understand damen, and the assumption that he would not kill for the REASON of loyalty, because it’s something he respects in himself and others. hhhhh

EDIT: see previous annotation

‘There is a child. He was taken to Ios.’ ‘That’s enough,’ said Jokaste. ‘None of us know if the child is yours. She says it is.’ ‘That’s enough, Kyrina,’ said Jokaste. ‘There’s more,’ said Damen. ‘Exalted—’ said Kyrina— —as Jokaste said, ‘No.’ —

turns out when your status is predicated on power earned by force rather than earned respect, the people serving you are going to submit to the strongest person in the room. unfortunately for jokaste, she just stopped being perceived as the strongest person in the room

‘My lady did not trust the Regent of Vere to protect her interests. In the case that there was no other way to save her life, the wet nurse could be instructed to bring the child to you—in exchange for Jokaste’s freedom.’

she’s out-veretianing the regent of vere.

oh ALSO!! it’s neat how based on jokaste’s attendant calling him “regent” and not “king,” jokaste must also casually refer to him as such, not actually respecting him or his false title

Damen sat back in his chair, and lifted his brows slightly at Jokaste.

that’s laurent-brand cuntiness. should have added a lean though

'There is no way to circumvent my conditions.'

that phrase is like catnip to damen and laurent. one time damen ripped a metal grate out of a wall

Jokaste, he thought, believed that it was impossible for him to travel into Ios, and that there was no place where it was safe for him to attempt an exchange. But there was a place where two enemies could meet without fear of ambush.

i like how the kingsmeet is set up for a way for damen and laurent to ensure that the regent doesn’t hurt them, but in a twist it ends up being the regent’s plan to anger damen so much that damen breaks the rules and tries to throw hands

‘But you’re a fool to trust him. He has his own plans.’ ‘He has never pretended otherwise,’ said Damen.

true. and perfect for this exact conversation. this is what‘s really being said, i think—

jokaste: laurent may be giving you good ideas, but it’s stupid to trust him because he’s definitely also keeping some of his manipulations from you

damen: he’s never claimed to be honest, which ironically makes him more honest than you. i know he has secrets and i trust him anyway, because i know him. you never even gave me the chance to know you, for whatever reason, and i was a fool for trusting you and faced the worst consequences imaginable. at least when laurent tortured me, we both thought he was my enemy. you tortured me when you were supposed to be my ally. you have not earned my trust and respect, and laurent has, and ultimately that’s your loss. because i know you appreciated my integrity and honor, two things that you believe that you can not afford to have yourself.

(maybe it’s not that deep. but i think it’s satisfying to consider, with the little we’ve been told about their history)

He looked at her, alone on the low couch. He couldn’t help but remember the day they met. She had been presented to his father, daughter of a minor noble from Aegina, and he had been able to look nowhere else. It was three months of courtship before she was in his arms. He said, ‘You chose a man who was bent on destroying his own country. You chose my brother, and look where it’s left you. You have no position, no friends. Even your own women have turned on you. Don’t you think it’s a shame things had to end this way between us?’

NOPE IT’S THAT DEEP I NAILED IT

“i loved you so deeply and immediately and would have done anything for you. kastor doesn’t give a shit about you or this country. the way this ended between us was your choice, and it was a bad one. your loss.”

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Kastor should have killed you.’

and we know he’s right, and that he hit a vein, because the woman who pretends to be cool and detached and in control basically just tells him that she can’t handle him being around.

[oros-ash3s]

Author Ask Tag 𓇼 ｡ﾟ⋆.˚ ⋆ ﹒₊‧

What is the main lesson of your story?

જ⁀➴ Magicae, as a whole, centres around grief. (Which is also a coincidentally a theme with most of my other WIPS. What can I say, I love an allegory for how grief changes a person.) The main lesson is about living in the present, and not becoming stuck in the dirt, left alone in the past. Not wallowing in your grief, as much as you want to. It’s about moving on, learning from your mistakes and changing for the better.

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding?

જ⁀➴ Worldbuilding is not one of my strong points, I will admit. Most of my WIPS I still need to work on that to be honest. Magicae’s worldbuilding is pretty simple when it comes to it, based pretty closely around our own world, if fairly dystopian. Although it wasn’t intentional, after we had created the story I watched V for Vendetta, and the world is very similar to that. Slightly futuristic, with technology and heavy monitoring being a large aspect of it. I’d say most of the inspiration comes from dystopian settings and just ideas I or my co-writer have.

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? So you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, or help them grow as a person?

જ⁀➴ Wren’s main goal throughout Magicae is to put an end to both the Congregation of the Chosen and Eden, and unite Magicae and humans once and for all.

જ⁀➴ Their story is very coming-of-age, spanning from their early teen years right to adulthood. As the story progresses, I’m trying to teach how it’s okay to change, and how life ends up in ways you could have never expected.

How many chapters is your story going to have?

જ⁀➴ To be honest, I have no clue. Although the current timeline we have set up is pretty set in stone, things are always changing! Currently there’s around…. 27 arcs, but who knows if that will stay the same by the time we (hopefully) finish it.

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

જ⁀➴ It’s entirely original content, and all of it will be posted here on my blog! You should also give @ohagi-writes a follow, as she will be posting writing too.

When did you start writing?

જ⁀➴ I think it’s probably been 10 or 11 years now, but when I started writing fics had to be since 3rd grade. (I’m in 11th now.)

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers do you follow?

જ⁀➴ Some amazing writers to follow:

@whumpsoda — I love all of their work and if you’re looking for good whump fics I would HIGHLY recommend her.

@seastarblue — I think one of my first real moots on here!! She has a lot of writing posted for her WIP Interwoven which I also recommend checking that out ^^

@vesanal — she has an incredible art style and all her ocs have such interesting, unique designs! Her writing is also incredible, I loved all her contributions to Writemas.

@ohagiwrites — I LOOOVVEE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEE her writing. Shes the co-writer for Magicae and I could not have asked for a better co-writer than her! Everyone go check her out she’s PHENOMENAL

@cepheusgalaxy — Sami is so kind and friendly! He has a great list of ocs and WIPS up on their page I would recommend taking a look at ^^

@bioniclechronicles — Noah is firstly, an incredible artist, I love looking at all his different character designs on @kikuwaters!! His OCS are super cool and I definitely recommend checking him out.

@melodxi — first found them through their whump blog @mellowwhumps and fell in love with their writing! Can’t believe they actually followed me back what a dream ^^ anyways definitely go check them out

@sugaredparchment — Ivory is incredible ^^ He’s super friendly and nice to talk to and don’t even get me started on her writing style. Each one of the snippets they’ve posted has pulled me right into their WIP, I’m absolutely in love with the way he writes!!

જ⁀➴ Those are just a few of the amazing people I’ve been introduced to during my time on writeblr, I wish I could name them all. Some advice to any new writers on here: Don’t feel afraid to post your work or interact with other people!! I’ve been posting on writeblr for a year and a half now, and everyone here is super nice. Don’t be afraid to make moots and put yourself out there.

✎ thank you @aalinaaaaaa and @seastarblue for the tag ^^

✎ tagging @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @bioniclechronicles @sharkblizzardblogs @sugaredparchment @blackboxwarrior-mkultra + open tag

[otomemer]

TKDB NSFW Alphabet - Rui Mizuki

Note: The Haku NSFW Alphabet was received quite well. Thank you so much for the lovely comments (and tags because I saw all the wonderful things y'all said there too)

As promised, I'll be continuing this series. Though probably quite slowly since I'm busy with work and other irl stuff.

Also, for this one, let's just all assume that all the stuff happening here is right after Rui finally breaks his curse :)

Minors don't interact!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He's a really great fella with a great personality. It doesn't end when you two are done having sex. He'll shower you with kisses, massage all your sore spots lovingly while asking you if you had fun or are you hurting somewhere. He'll happily clean you up and get you everything you need such as food and snacks before he gets cozy and cuddles with you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

It's canon that Rui takes pride in his looks. I think he's mentioned it jokingly in the homescreen lines that it's his only redeeming feature (I disagree because it's only ONE of his many great features, but I'm just biased). Rui is handsome and he knows it. He knows he can charm people easily, but none of that would really matter if he couldn't charm you.

On his partner.. Rui can be a bit greedy. He just doesn't like one body part of yours. He loves your neck, shoulders, chest and breasts. He would litter them with his marks, branding you as his. He'd admire his works after and the blooming red-purple love marks will only make him want you more.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Rui likes doing it raw so he'd also most likely enjoy cumming inside of his partner. If you're not using any protection, and didn't want him to cum inside of you, he'd just quickly pull out. He's already mastered the art of pulling out lol

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I think he sorta fantasizes about having sex while both of you are inebriated or under the influence of some kind of aphrodisiac where the two of you can barely think of anything else other than fucking each other until you pass out.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Pre-curse, he's probably had plenty of experience. Though he might need a few refresher and re-familiarization once he's freed from that curse and is allowed to have sex again.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Definitely missionary and cowgirl. He just likes seeing the expressions you make while he's making you feel good. He gets filled with so much love when he sees you working hard on top of him, riding him until you both come.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Cracks a joke or two, or lets out flirty remarks which definitely gets a reaction out of you. Though if the sex is more serious, he wouldn't even think about it because he'll be too busy fucking you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

NGL I think Rui is one of the few TKDB men who shaves it all down there lol. He's really smooth and clean down there (you'd just want to suck his dick every time)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He's definitely very romantic. I just think a lot about how much he missed being so close and being able to touch anyone without the risk of killing them due to his curse. Now that he's freed, and he has you, he's going to show you just how much he wants you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

The moment he's freed from his curse (and you become his partner), he would never masturbate again. He's grown tired of masturbating as it's the only thing he could ever do over those years when he was cursed and restricted from touching people. Whenever he'd feel horny, he'd just come visit you (or make you visit him) and fuck you to relieve his need.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He's got a praise kink. Tell him he's done really good with work today, or that he looked really handsome with his fresh haircut and you'd end up in bed again.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He likes having sex in the intimacy of your rooms, but he also likes to do it in his bar.. on the counter, specifically.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Lace lingerie paired with sexy stockings and garter belt and a pair of heels. And also a little sip of some alcoholic drink before you get started with your evening together.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Sharing. Ed probably teased him into sharing you with him a few times, but he's always rejected the idea. He gets a little jealous with the idea of having you look at other men other than himself, especially when it's about sex. He's not about to let another touch and pleasure you for as long as he is alive.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He's missed getting blowjobs so he tends to be a little greedy with receiving at times? Though, he lives to see and hear your reactions when he's making you feel good so he enjoys giving you head just as much as he receives them from you.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It's usually more sensual and slow with Rui. He always wants to show you that he worships you and the ground you walk on. Expect lots of kisses being littered all over your body, his hand caressing your skin, and sensually thrusting his hips onto you as he expresses how much he missed feeling someone this close and how thankful he is that it's you he's sharing this intimate moment now with him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He's always game to have sex whenever you want to so it's definitely happened a few times. Your usual quickie location is his bar.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's happy to experiment always. He felt like it's been so long so he needs to have you suggest things so he can look them up and decide if he wants to do such new things with you. He's probably gonna find out about things he'd want to try too but, your comfort always comes first. If you don't want to do it, then it's definitely not gonna happen.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can do about 2.. probably more if you just let him take a break. That is, if you'd even still think about continuing once he gets to cuddle with you and begins to whisper romantic stuff to you. I feel like the cuddles will be so good, they're gonna be so effective in lulling you to sleep after you have sex.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He probably owned a few since we all know he can't touch people when he's cursed. But he's still a man with needs, so he has to find creative ways to relieve himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not really much of a tease in the bedroom. When he's busy making you feel good, that's all he's pretty much thinking about. He's really down bad for you that he wouldn't dare remove his focus on you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Quite loud, if I'm honest. If he's feeling good, he's always happy to let his partner know. Though he can hold his noises if you happen to be doing it in the Obscuary house because Lyca and Ed will definitely hear (they still hear you going at it even when you keep your voices down).

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He has this little game he plays in his head where he tries to guess what kind of underwear you're wearing. "Is it the black lace set I got her a week ago? or maybe the pink one she wore for me on the night of my birthday?"

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Quite long with an average girth. As I've said in H, he keeps himself hairless down there. His tip is extra sensitive.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

HIGH. Look, the man was deprived of physical contact for years. Once he's allowed to touch people again, he would want sex almost every day to make up for lost time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He gets really sleepy but he will always make sure that your needs are taken off first. Also, he likes to shower you with praises and cuddle you until you fall asleep.

[unspokenlly]

IDOL AU! (Oshi No Ko AU) - Twisted Wonderland x Reader (Part 1)

(this post was inspired by @merakiui 's idol!darling au!)

[ reader is female ]

i'm not sure if anyone has heard of this manga (soon to be anime), but it's called Oshi No Ko! it involves an idol named Ai Hoshino who is a talented and beautiful idol (with starry eyes). however, she struggles with love as she herself has never loved nor has been 'loved' (this isn't a spoiler as it had been shown in the sypnosis before, but she was also pregnant with twins at the age of 16). she also says that a 'lie' or lying is a form of love as well which bring the thought of..

Idol! darling who is like Ai Hoshino. she is an exceptional idol who catches the hearts of many, alluring many with her eyes. however, she struggles to actually love despite saying she loves her fans. she dreams of wanting to love and wants her happiness to be true. imagine, twst cast getting their hearts captured by her charismatic self, but there are those who are also wary of her once they come to know that she has a (lot of) secret(s)..

i imagine a lot of twst cast would discover her secret but i'll just narrow it down to a few characters for now and give my two cents about them!

characters involved: azul, idia, vil, mentions of rook, riddle, cater, floyd, jade

warning: themes of yandere, teenage pregnancy, blackmail, stalkerish behaviours.

azul, who discovers there was something about her and the way she brings herself up. she was definitely talented. a beauty. someone who would be a great asset to future investments and businesses.. but what's this? he discovers that she's not what she seems to be? she's an idol made up of lies. who wears a mask of a perfect idol, to become the embodiment of pure? and a mother too? to twins? how very interesting! once azul discovers this and uses it against idol!darling, he thought he'd be able to use it as a means to pull her into a contract (blackmail) but instead, she smiles? 

"Oh, that's quite troublesome! Hehe, I guess you discovered that part of me, huh? Well.. yes, lying is morally and socially unacceptable but.." The way her eyes stared right into his, irises that twinkled like the stars above and orbs drawn like a glyph.. "In the eyes of many, idols are creatures who shine as bright as the cosmos, who love and are loved…" Oh, sevens. 

".. And I am an idol. Lying is a form of love too. An idol like me who's at the very top will keep on lying again and again so I can keep everyone from the stage happy!" Azul unknowingly gulped a bile from his throat, watching the idol who shined as if she was on the stage performing in front of him. 

"Still though.. For you to discover that I'm actually a mother… It's kinda depressing that the secret is out of the bag, but… no matter what, I'll still do whatever it takes to continue being an idol! I still haven't achieved my dream of being happy.. I'm quite greedy, after all."

And he was completely entranced. a victim to a siren's calls, except this one was made up of lies. 

for idia, i imagine the aspect he liked about her was her eyes the most. her cute disposition and how refreshing her personality was. even though she was a bit childish, there was something about her that was not at all childish. so when he found out she wasn't actually what she seemed to be, he thought he was gonna be repulsed by her 'fakeass' but it turns out he found himself falling for her more. like a character from a tragedy-tagged story, there was so much depth to her that he was just itching to find. 

idia was a genius. he can use any means to find her secrets. hacking into streets cameras to stalk her, finding out so many things about her that even fans wouldnt know but most of all… her biggest secret. for now though, he was satisfied. he had bought several merchandise of her to her lightsticks, mugs and even standee and perhaps, for now those were enough to keep him occupied of his growing love for her.

there was something about idol!darling that vil found himself suspicious about… he was in the shooting of a film, and there was darling who was casted as a side character for the movie. at first, he admits she was beautiful, even more so than the main protagonist of the film. so when he approached her out of pure curiousity and because of the memories of a certain hunter practically raving about an idol who caught his eye, he wasnt suprised (yet mildly disappointed) to find out that despite her beauty, her personality was unpolished. she spoke with no professionalism whatsoever. a bumpkin like epel.

however, she was a joyful one who always had a smile on. but that wasn't the biggest aspect of her whole person. she was like a present. waiting to be unwrapped to reveal what's inside. he felt that she had layers on her that she hid, but he didnt mind. idols, celebrities, the showbiz industry was like that after all. however, idol!darling was someone who shone with those layers. layers of appealing gift wrapping. and vil wondered if those lovely, hidden truths of hers will show what she truly is one day. would she still be shining like a star? as lovely as what everyone makes her out to be?

it's questions like those that left vil pondering if this were the thoughts that ran through rook's head as he sang poems and verses about the 'idol who was the reincarnation of the first star', never missing a concert or event that involved her. he wanted to scoff at himself, and perhaps blame rook for talking his ear off about this bumpkin of an idol. but who could blame vil when idol!darling is just so lovely.

riddle who became interested in idol!darling after he saw a few of his dormmates doing those strange dances to a video of an idol on-screen who was singing. after telling his dormmates off, he became curious at this idol with stars in her eyes rather than her music and performance. no, it was her own self that he became curious about. the following days after watching several videos about her and listening to her music, he started humming her songs while reviewing or stare long at his phone while wearing a set of earphones while he was sitting in the courtyard… alone, he thought until cater discovers him. cater, who had become a fan of idol!darling for a long time and had bought tickets for her upcoming concert. 

cater, who discovered the cute idol from his recommendations as his playlist was playing high-streamed music. who became fond of her for her appearances in entertainment shows or live audience games. her 'charming' personality that captured his heart. he would invite riddle and trey to the concert as he won an extra set of tickets for himself and his club members!

floyd and jade, who fell in love with her at first sight for her, well, everything! ever since they discovered her and came to know more about her thru those concerts they attend and videos they stream and watch,...there was something about her that they just oh so want to pick apart, but couldn't! her declarations of love always left a stuffy feeling in their heart.. in a dark, twisted, way. why, she is just so, so, lovely.. they never missed a show! never. even if it meant making a deal with azul for work. but nowadays, it seems they didnt even have to do so for azul would go with them to those events!

THIS TOOK ME ABOUT 3 HRS TO MAKE INCLUDING THE HEADERS AND BANNERS, THIS HAD BEEN IN MY HEAD EVER SINCE OSHI NO KO TRAILER CAME OUT and because the song 'Idol' by Yoasobi had come out (unofficially in Youtube). if you guys have any thoughts about this, feel free to send an Ask!

this is just part 1 of the au.

[velvetvexations]

(someone should correct me if I get anything wrong about forcemasc and autoandrophilia)

The thing about autoandrophilia and autogynephilia is that they're extremely basic concepts. The idea of fetishizing becoming a man or a woman a very simple idea. Using it as a basis to "explain" trans people is dumb and wrong but that both cis people and trans people would have kinks that fit that definition is neither surprising nor should it be scandalous. Forcemasc is often tagged transandrophilia because it literally is fetishizing taking on aspects of masculinity from a theoretical starting point of non-masculinity, regardless of if "beginning as something other than a man" is how one conceptualizes their transness out of kink. Forcefem kink likewise fits the definition of autogynephilia, but isn't used because, while transmascs also get routinely accused of what is in essence autoandrophilia, that specific word is used less, and so autogynephilia has a more viscerally negative reaction even though it's obviously also fetishizing transitioning and the act of becoming and/or being a woman.

It's very arguable, though, that the dictionary definitions of autoandrophilia and autogynephilia can be taken at face value because it's whole conception and advancement are transphobic in nature. No one ever applies them to cis men and women, for instance, even though cis sissies should also fall under the category of autogynephilic. I believe there are people who self-identify as AGPs but I know nothing about them. You could go by that dictionary definition, but can you really do so neutrally or is just a poison word from the ground up? Autoandrophilia may be used by actual transphobes less, but it does get used, so some transmascs have chosen to do so on their end in spite of that. Presumably there are transmascs who are into forcemasc but don't like the term autoandrophilia and actively avoid it, too.

There are in fact transfems who do actually fetishize the concept of autogynephilia as well, of which I am one myself. The funny thing about that, though, is that while forcemasc tagged autoandrophilia is autoandrophilia, all transfem content I've seen to use AGP is closer to a form of autoandrophilia itself, getting off on how one's masculine features contrasts with societal standards of femininity. Like, to go all "ohhh I'm such an AGP freak >:3" you're not actually doing autogynephilia, you're getting off on the idea of theoretically not being a woman, which is the exact opposite of an actually "autogynephilic" kink.

AGP kink is an element of misgendering and detrans kink. For transmascs, as far as I can tell, misgendering and detrans kink usually takes the form of being an extension of misogyny kink, while for transfems it leans more towards things like trans supremacy. In both cases the idea is that both are, within the simulated kink scenario, applying cissexist bioessentialist ideas to revert trans women and trans men alike into sexual stereotypes of their AGAB, which is to say sexually aggressive dominant men and sexually weak submissive women. There are some transmasc trans supremacy doms, however. There are also a lot of submissive trans women into misgendering/detrans or kinks adjacent to those, for whom it goes into homophobia and sissy stuff, or just the general masochism of processing the pain that often comes with unwanted detransition.

I kinna got off on a tangent here, but I just like talking about kink. Ultimately it's within the rights of transmascs to use the word autoandrophilia if they want to because it is something that also gets thrown at them even if not always using that name (and often indeed using that name) while transfems are within their rights to not use it. Yes, I know this may be shocking, but the big conclusion here is "do what you like and let other people do what they like."

[clockwork-ashes]

thank you @olenvasynyt for the tag! this was so fun :)

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Roundup

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024? 

160,904

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

if i count one-shots??? 15 fics. without them??? only 4!

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

oh goodness, i really haven’t completed any of my multi-chapter fics this year LOL i have 5 ongoing ones (that i hope will be finished in 2025).

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

my favourite thing that i wrote this year i think has to be my erisweek2024 series of one-shots!!! i put a lot of time and thought into light the fire bright and i was SO happy with the final outcome!

outsider was also one of my favourite one-shots that i wrote! it was the first one i put up on ao3 and i was just super proud of myself for putting it up there :)

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

definitely something lonesome just because of the time loop aspect!!! it’s a lot of fun, and i like it being just a little darker than everything else i’ve written!!!

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

this has got to be all you have is your fire. it’s my first attempt at writing a romance-centred fic that follows a plot, and without everyone who read it and let me know they liked it, i would have given up writing it entirely!!! i was surprised that people were reading it, and the initial reception is a huge motivation for me to continue with it <3 thank you lovely readers!!!

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

maybe prince of ashes??? that fic is old and i posted it onto ao3 really quickly just to have it up there LOL so it makes sense that it went under the radar!!!

8. Who is an artist that inspired you

so many!!! especially @works-of-heart, @velidewrites, and @elleybug!!! there’s MORE but if i’ve reblogged your work, you have 100% inspired me <3

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

i just have so many (and i’m sorry to those i forget)! definitely @zenkindoflove really inspires me with her amazing works (with elucien and also with eris x alexius). the relationships just feel SO real in your stories <3 @the-darkestminds also is just so talented, the angst in autumn’s shadow is unmatched!!! @olenvasynyt has the most amazing fic for anyone looking to read about lucien (i cannot get over your portrayal of jesminda it’s too perfect). then @separatist-apologist and @crazy-ache with their legendary elucien works!!! i feel like lots of authors inspire me, and the list will be too long if i keep going, but if i’ve ever read something, it has instantly inspired me as well!!!!

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

new to me because i still feel like i’m new around here LOL but @dusk-muse is just SO talented, and @jon-snows-man-bun has such a unique and interesting take on the hewn city (it’s perfect). @avabrynne is INSPIRATIONAL just has all the best au ideas and writes so manly wonderful fics!!! also i LOVE @missfckingfortune and @jules-writes-stories and @nocasdatsgay and @lovely-vanserra-sunshine and @cauldronblssd!!! so many amazing authors in the ACOTAR fandom!!!

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

no collaborations, but that’s mostly just because i’m very shy LOL

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

just posting anything at all is what i’m proudest of!!! it’s a big step for me, i like not being completely perceived, but just writing and reading fics and interacting with people on here and ao3 is something i’m glad i’m doing :))

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

that it’s okay to post something that isn’t perfect is probably the biggest one. it’s a huge relief to realise that the people who read what you write know that what you share with them is being done for fun!

14. Any advice you’d like to share with new or aspiring writers?

i have to really think about this one because i truly don’t know LOL my one and only piece of advice is to have fun with what you’re writing because if you are enjoying the process and having a nice time creating the story you want to tell, then that’s a success! taking a break from writing projects is okay, and taking your time with things is okay too!!! and as someone who is super shy, i always try to encourage people to just share!!! the experience has been so fun and i’ve really enjoyed writing this year :))

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

just to keep writing and to finish AT LEAST one of my wips!!! i like the idea of wrapping things up when i write, i just have trouble executing (i’m working on it tho).

no pressure tags: anyone mentioned and anyone who wants to join!!!