#and one of my fictional post-apocalyptic boyfriends

[doortotomorrow]

"I'm Reese, Sergeant Techcom, DN38416...assigned to protect you." - Kyle Reese

[oc-aita]

AITA for effectively bringing corruption into my boyfriends world?

Okay, So, Basically I'm a human, Like you guys here. I just kinda... Got powers. I can travel through dimensions and go to fictional worlds, And I kinda altered some realities with my rizz, Which ended up actually getting me with all the people I liked and ended up loving. We made strong happy relationships.

I'm gonna explain really who the important ones are

Theres M(23M) and R(23M)

B(19M) and P(19M)

And lastly, Of course, F(18M)

Okay, So I visited B and P, And apparently there was some kind of corruption. I tried to stop it and failed, It got on some of my clothes though and when I went to visit M and R, And I. Kind of ended up killing M. He got corrupted and turned into a monster.. I.. Had to kill him, He was attacking us. I started the apocalypse there, So I left as soon as I could. I went to visit F and.. He and his friend both ended up the same, And I left as soon as possible again. I returned to the real world, And.. Well you can imagine what happened. Now I'm in this post apocalyptic world. No matter what happens or where I go, I spread this shit. I've come close to getting it myself, And I just don't know what to do anymore. I still go to those worlds, Even knowing the risk. So again, AITA for spreading the corruption into all of my boyfriends worlds?

[myupostsheadcanons]

Books “Read” in 2022

I listen to audio books during work to fill up the time instead of listening to the radio or pod casts. Often a good reader can make a bland book sound better than it is.

I rate these books not totally on literary quality, but by how much I enjoyed experiencing them. Fun Garbage >>> Boring Navel gazing.

List from 2021

Previous entries: 2020. 2019, 2018, 2017

https://www.listchallenges.com/audio-books-myu-read-in-2022

My Top Books/Series This Year

Shadow of the Gods & The Hunger of the Gods (The Bloodsworn Trilogy, Books 1 & 2) - John Gwynne - Was your favorite part of “The First Law” Series everything that happened in The North?  It is cold and grim. Gods once ruled this land, but all that remains now is their bones and their descendants, those tainted with their blood. But someone is going around taking tainted children from their parents, a mother goes on a bloody rampage to get her son back from these people.

Suttree - Cormac McCarthy - dark/stark modern fiction. McCarthy is a master at making bleak and grim stories that show the dirty underbelly of people and society. The main character, Suttree, lives his life on the fringes of the underprivileged, having been exiled/turned his back on his previous life of wealth, escaping one set of social pressures to be faced with the turmoils of another.

Pit Bull - Bronwen Dickey - a book about the history of the Bull Terrier breed of dogs, the laws put in place to regulate ownership, the abuse these dogs go through, and what can be done to salvage the reputation of these dogs. A dog book that made me cry because I’ve own pitty’s and they are perhaps the best dogs we’ve ever owned.

The Demon-Haunted World - Carl Sagan - I highly recommend this book as an object lesson in how to use critical thinking skills and how to debunk basic conspiracy theories. Using science and basic logic Sagan debunks several ‘supernatural’ occurrences commonly believed as true among the superstitious, conspiracy nutwads, and alien abduction theorists. 

The Raven Tower - Ann Leckie - Having one of the main characters be omnipresence and tell the story about the other protagonist by using gender-neutral language, by referring to them as “you” rather than he/she/them/they. Ann is solid when it comes to having complicated main characters that are on the LGBTQ spectrum and do it tactfully and not feel forced in. This is a stand alone book, and a fantasy. Good for someone that doesn’t want to read her Science Fiction work.

A Boy and His Dog at the End of the World - Gender Neutral Main Character. I know the author asks for reviews not to spoil it bc it is kind of a twist at the end, but I think the title itself turns the people that would find this a really good read “off” bc they aren’t looking for another “boy-focused adventure book”.... it isn’t. If you aren’t wanting a post-apocalyptic story as soul crushing to read like The Road or something deep but still appropriate for a tweenager to read.  

Space Odyssey - Michael Benson - An in-depth documentary on the making of Kubrick’s iconic movie and Clark’s writing of the novelization. It doesn’t sugar coat that Kubrick was an ass, demanded perfection, spent hours on scenes, even broke laws on filming scenes that were ether cut or only a few seconds long. It does humanize him rather than paint him as a total demon. Clark also had many short comings. He was scammed out of money by his ex-wife, on the rights to the book/screenplay of 2001, having his finances tied up in a movie his boyfriend was making on the side, then had to fight against peddo allegations when he was older.

Other Favorite Books and Guilty Pleasures

Star Kingdom, Books 6, 7, 8, Asylum (Book 9) - Lindsay Buroker - The second half of my favorite series from last year. These books do not disappoint. I absolutely love the characters, how they interact off of one another, and the conclusion was so satisfying. Asylum should be considered a sequel more than a continuation, and Buroker has hinted at continuing on in the Star Kingdom universe soon.

The Emperor’s Edge (Books 1-3) - Lindsay Buroker - Ex-Cop and Former Royal Assassin team up to create a task-force to protect the young Emperor from within and outside threats. There is a “love triangle” but it isn’t insufferable, the way Buroker writes characters makes many of her romance subplots more digestible and no where near as sappy. The amount of sarcasm and snarky-witty dialogue in her writing is always a treat.

Roxy - Neil Shusterman - a good companion book to “Challenger Deep.” The framing device by giving the various drugs personas is well done, it makes a complicated subject easy to digest for 14-16 YA readers.

The Raybearer, Redemptor (The Raybearer, Books 1 & 2) - Jordan Ifueko - African Mythology Flavored Fantasy. Made for the Young Adult audience, so has the obligatory romance plot in the middle of it, but also has poly, lgbt, and ace relationships. The premise itself is set up around creating a “ruling council” of diverse characters, each bringing a unique magic skill/ability to the table, and the group having to learn to work together. “The younger generation fixing generational institutionalized violence, racism, and corruption.” with a bit of “Jesus and his 12 disciples, atoning for the sins of mankind.”

Too Many Curses - A. Lee Martinez - A satire/comedy fantasy about a kobolt hench that “inherits” the castle and all the responsibility of governing its cursed wacky inhabitants. It is a cute read, mild enough for a tween to read. A YA book that doesn't have a romance subplot in it.

The Sandman: Act 2 - Neil Gaiman - If you can’t wait for the show to make more episodes... the full-cast audio production is a good way to fill that void.

The Victorian City - Judith Flanders - One part biography on Charles Dickens, another part breaking down how daily life was during Victorian London. A good read for people wanting to write stories taking place during that time period or have a love for things like steampunk settings.

Slewfoot - Brom - those damn puritans. a woman wise in folk craft is sold into colonialism and has to struggle against the patriarchy of the church. God vs. Nature, both being portrayed as good and evil. It has a couple call-backs to Brom’s ‘Lost Gods’ but don’t have to read that book to understand what is going on.

Shards of Earth - Adrian Tchaikovsky - Earth is destroyed by Eldritch Space Horrors. The remainder of humanity has to deal with protecting their new home from the return of the Architects and survival among other alien races. Among the best-of-the-best of humanity defenders are the “Amazon Warrior Women” and genetically modified psychic pilots that can communicate with the ‘other side’.  Rag-tag group of misfits suddenly find themselves front-and-center of the war for galactic survival.

Good Books, But Not Everybody’s Cup of Tea.

Provenance - Ann Lickie - Sequel to the “Ancillary Justice” books. It is more in tone with the second and third book than the first one. Lots of Politicking, but in a snarky kind of way.

N0S4A2 - Joe Hill - If you liked Steven King’s works, this takes place in the same universe as The Shining/IT/Pet Sematary (The SKEU... if you will). Same tone and quality as well.

Philip K. Dick’s Collected Works, Vol 2. - Has the short stories that inspired The Terminator and The Thing, as well as a few others I enjoyed. The one about the woman that believe the world revolved around her was neat and also played into Solipsism, the same philosophy that tied back into Jack Campbell’s “Pillars of Reality” series and how the magic system works there.

Flowers in the Attic - V. C. Andrews - if you are “ok” with ASOIAF’s Targaryans, you’ll be fine with this book. My mom said she read the rest of the books after I told her I read this one, I am not interested in the others bc the series becomes a Soap after this one. This book is closer to being a Gothic Horror (of the non supernatural type).

Hercule Poirot (The Complete Short Story Collection) - Agatha Christie - The cases aren’t really the important part, it is the character writing. Poirot will always win in the end.

The Blacktongue Thief - Christopher Buehlman - Trickster Main Character. The book is read by the author, in brogue. It has more singing in it than “The Kingkiller Chronicles” and that book’s main character was a Bard. This main character isn’t ashamed of being a morally gray character and the story doesn’t exaggerate his exploits.

Vampire Hunter D - Hideyuki Kikuchi - The light novels that inspired the future punk vampire genre. If you had seen the movie from the 80s, this expands on a lot of it and explains how their world works better.

Ex-Purgatory, Ex-Isle (Ex-Heroes, Books 4 and 5) - Peter Clines - EP is more fallout from the previous book. It is kind of cruel what happened to “The Karen”... but then, there are more than a few politicians that should have karma happen to them. “It couldn’t of happened to a better person.”

Existentially Challenged (The DEDA Files, book 2) - Yahtzee Croshaw - A satirical commentary on social media, using children for fame, and bogus faith healing.

Sorrowland - Rivers Solomon - Handles issues of racism and lgbtq. Southern Supernatural Horror. It uses the ‘transforming into another being’ as an allegory for the main character not to understand what is going on with her body and feelings, and why they aren’t normal and are being demonized.

The Wizards of Sevendor (Spellmonger, anthology), Arcanist,  Footwizard (The Spellmonger, Books 12 & 13) - Terry Mancour - This is when this epic fantasy series takes a hard turn and becomes a science fiction series. If you read the series this far, just keep on reading. I only like the books that have Minalian as the main protagonist. The books where he isn’t in them very much nor the main focus can be skipped, as events do get summarized in other books later.

Ariadne: A Novel - Jennifer Saint - I liked this one more than “Daughters of Sparta” and “10,000 Ships” but not as much of “Circe.”  The first half is “ok” it picks up in the second half after being left on the island.

Priest of Bones - Peter McLean - dirty, gritty, and grimy (with a pinch of dark sarcasm). A thief/thug earned his priesthood on the battlefield, returns home to “clean house” and ends up climbing social ladders and getting more trouble than bargained for.

A Case of Possession (Charm of the Magpies, book 2) - K. J. Charles - Like the first book, it has a decent mystery/crime plot that moves the story along and characters that don’t overstay their welcome... have to like MLM smexy scenes.

Boundless (The Lost Fleet: Outlands, Book 1) - Jack Campbell - the first book of a new Lost Fleet Series. The fleet is unable to stay in system as politics fester, so go on a deep space mission to talk to aliens.

Out of House and Home (Fred the Vampire Accountant) - Drew Hayes - shit just got suuuuper serious as the rivalries pick up between the vampire houses. A friend and their home is targeted, the group has to find a new place to live while they recover and plan their move.

Comet - Carl Sagan - it is half a biography on Edmond Halley, the guy the comet is named after, and the other half science behind how we discovered what they were made of before we could shoot rockets at them.

The Magician’s Guild, The Novice, The High Lord (Black Magician Trilogy, Books 1, 2 & 3) - Trudy Canavan - If you had read the “Shades of Magic” books, this series has the same tone/quality (it addresses homophobia and that some societies do treat people different shades of acceptance). Street Urchin finds out she has magic, has to run from the law, but ends up accepted into the magic school... which the head mage is a rather shady. The “ship” in the third book is just as shady.

Tongue Eater (Mage Errant, Book 6) - John Bierce - Revenge at any cost is too high of a price. It is a compare and contrast between how the main antagonist is going about to carry out their plans of revenge and the apprentice group are coping with the betrayal and the deaths of friends and family.  

Average Sauce

The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon - This book is over hyped. It is an average book that gets recommended to progressive-readers just because it has some representation.  The exciting part of the plot doesn’t pick up until the dragon attacks the city 1/3 of the way into the book.

Belgarath The Sorcerer - David & Leigh Eddings - Made during that time when “strong female character” = bitch. If you can ignore the “boys-club” champion, the world building is rather solid.

The Color of Dragons - R. A. Salvatore - By the Numbers Fantasy. It is a Stand Alone, so if you are after a “one shot“ that isn’t very long and isn’t trying to be challenging on any issues.

Two Necromancers, a Dwarf Kingdom, and a Sky City (Unconventional Heroes, Book 4) - L. G. Estrella - The Elf is still annoying, there is some repetition in information, the novelty isn’t as shinny as it was at the start, but the actual plot is picking up more.

The King Must Die / The Bull From the Sea - Mary Renault - The Story of Theseus, grounded less in mythology and more in reality. IE: the Labyrinth is a bull fighting ring, there is no actual Minotaur. 

The House of Sixty Fathers - Meindert DeJong - A children’s book from the 50s that I read during a power outage. It is from the POV of a Chinese child during WWII. Full of Pro-Ally propaganda of the era.

Andria Vernon and the Superhero Industrial Complex & Andrea Vernon and the Big Axe Acquisition (Andrea Vernon, Book 2 & 3) - Alexander C. Kane - the humor is hit-or-miss, some of the character’s powers are pretty neat. I kept yelling “GLARE!” at random.

The Dragon’s Blade Trilogy - Michael. R. Miller - There are a lot of good things in this series, but it just didn’t “stand out” from other series of its kind. It is one of those series that characters “randomly” die, and the protagonists are vilified by history.

Elric of Melnibone (Vol 1.)  - Michael Moorcock - The opening by Neil Gaiman is tone deaf to the rest of the stories. The stories themselves are reminiscent of old adventure stories like Conan and John Carter, and if you like those series, this would fit in quite well.

Machine Learning (Short Story Compilation) - Hugh Howey  - I don’t remember half of the stories from this short story anthology. I do remember a couple and I thought were really good. There is a Wool/Silo story. The rest are rather PKD like. 

Daughters of Sparta: A Novel - Not the best reinterpretation of the character’s I’ve came across. It tries to go “dark” in some places, but doesn’t quite get there.

The Penelopiad - Margaret Atwood - Interesting framing device, with the character telling her story from the after life to a modern person. It is part satire, part Greek Play.

The Science of Middle-Earth - Lehoucq, Mangin, Steyer - It’s educational. Not a whole lot else to say about it.

Casts and Outcasts, books 2 & 3 - Davis Ashura - Solid fantasy story, not a whole lot to make it stand out from the crowd. It has more of a South-East Asian flavor to it than a typical Westernized Fantasy story.

A Bad Deal for the Whole Galaxy, The Worst of All Possible Worlds (Salvagers, Books 2 & 3) - Alex White - It is Science Fiction with a Magic System. Read the first book last year, figured I would finish the rest of them. Group of misfits trying to save the galaxy. One of those average series that gets recommended more often because of people looking for books with main characters that are LGBTQ.

Tides of Fate (The Ronin Saga, Book 4) - Matthew Wolf - A series just interesting enough to pick up the next book each time one comes out. (Gather your new team member, go to magic city, fight the bad guys there, find clues to point to next city.)

Second Story Man, War of Posers, Skull and Thrones (Bad Guys, books 2, 3 & 4) - Eric Ugland - Eric Ugland - Lit-RPG Isekai series. The main character is morally gray and is trapped in the game world.  It is very much “of the genera” but with more dark sarcasm.

Readable/Passable.

Robert E. Howard’s Conan the Cimmerian Barbarian Omnibus. - I don’t remember most of the stories. I actually found the blurbs before each story talking about the author more interesting.

The Wind’s Twelve Quarters - Ursula K. Le Guin - if you are a completionist, read this book. There is a couple stories from her Hanish and Earthsea series in here. The rest of the stories are on par with other contemporary authors at the time.

The Silmarillion -  J. R. R. Tolkien - it is dense. there are few conversations. it would be difficult for anybody to adapt it into live action. it is like reading a bible and a guide book.

From Russia, With Love, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service -  (James Bond) - Ian Fleming - what I realized while listening to these books, it isn’t the plot nor the characters, it is how things are described that are really well written.

The Hunt for Red October - Tom Clancy - you’re fine if you just watch the movie.

Bottom of the Barrel.

Between Planets - Heinlein - It isn’t necessarily a “bad book”... it is very much full of Heinleinisms. “Libertarians in Space.” The Farting Alien is the best character.

[buzzbookshelf]

Buzz Bookshelf 25 Days of Christmas Reading Challenge

Part 2: The Books

Because I am very indecisive, I put 25 books in a hat (a bag, but whatever) and each day I'll pick one out and that will be the book of the day! I do, however, want to share the list of all of the books I'll be choosing from, so, in no particular order, here are the books I'll be reading during the challenge!

(title - author - genre)

☆ Spirit River - Erin M Leaf - Romance, lgbt (ebook)

☆ August March - Aaron Jackson - Fiction

☆ The Rhythm Section - Mark Burnell - Mystery, Thriller

☆ The Girl From Widow Hills - Megan Miranda - Psychological Thriller, Mystery

☆ All Our Hidden Gifts - Caroline O’Donoghue - YA, Fantasy

☆ The Sullivan Sisters - Kathryn Ormsbee - YA, Mystery

☆ Truth or Die - James Patterson - Crime, Mystery

☆ Invisible Ghosts - Robyn Schneider - YA, Romance

☆ Most Likely - Sarah Watson - YA, Contemporary

☆ Refugee - Alan Gratz - Historial Fiction

☆ The Revenge of the Shadow King - Derek Benz - Fantasy, Adventure

☆ The Giver - Lois Lowry - YA, Dystopian, SciFi

☆ Scary! 2 - Peter Haining - Horror

☆ I Am Princess X - Cherie Priest - YA, Mystery

☆ Boyfriend Material - Alexis Hall - RomCom, lgbt

☆ The First To Die At The End - Adam Silvera - YA

☆ World War Z - Max Brooks - Horror, Post-Apocalyptic

☆ Spoiled - Heather Cocks, Jessica Morgan - YA, Comedy, Romance

☆ Heartbreaker - Claudia Dey - SciFi, Cult, Mystery

☆ Good Omens - Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchet - Comedy, Fantasy, SciFi

☆ Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk - Horror

☆ Lock The Doors - Vincent Ralph - Thriller

☆ Carry On - Rainbow Rowell - YA, Fantasy, lgbt

☆ Be More Chill - Ned Vizzini - YA, SciFi

☆ The Prophet of Yonwood - Jeanne Duprau - YA, SciFi

Feel free to join me in my challenge or to tell me about your own!

contact

goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/153194289-buzz

booktok:

https://www.tiktok.com/@buzzbookshelf

bookstagram:

https://instagram.com/buzzbookshelf

booktube:

https://youtube.com/@buzzbookshelf

baileybyebaby@gmail.com

[charzeewrites]

Books I've Read

And reviews

This is in no particular order btw!!

8/10 - (murder mystery)

This is honestly just because I wanted a log of my favourite books, and I see no harm in posting it so why not :)

One of us is lying

Howl's Moving Castle

I really like this book!! My boyfriend recommended it to me because it's his favourite and I completely see why. It's a super good murder mystery story that always keeps you guessing. I genuinely would have never guessed how it would end, but it made sense, unlike other mystery-type stories I've read.

9.5/10 - (fantasy fiction)

Girl in Pieces

This book holds such a special place in my heart. It's an amazing story with, in my opinion, an equally beautiful movie. The book is really well written and has such a unique storyline and characters.

unread/10 - (fiction)

I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream

9/10 - (post-apocalyptic science fiction)

The Outsiders

Really great(and short) read! I really enjoyed it. There are certain parts where I felt if I had any sort of distractions then I couldn't understand and had to re-read it. Regardless it's still a very interesting story with super intriguing characters.

9/10 - (bildungsroman)

Omg this book is so amazing. I originally read it for class in the 8th grade but I've read it countless times since because of my love for the book. I got quickly attached to the characters and I absolutely adore the story line. I would 100% recommend this book!!

My Roommate is a Vampire

unread/10 - (romance)

Twisted Love

unread/10 - (romance)

How to Find Love in a Bookshop

unread/10 - (romance/domestic fiction)

[leclerced]

AHHH they’re all such good ones!!!

skyrim is just one of the best games ever. i will never get bored of it.

we have v different styles and i LOVEEE post apocalyptic games & any games with the found family trope in them bc i crave that so tloa & the walking dead have my heart.

ive been playing the resident evil games bc i saw a bunch of fics for them last year and had never seen game fics before. horror isn’t my thing but it’s survival horror so it kinda reminds me of the post apocalyptic games

other than that, I have a lot of good memories playing gta & fortnite.

i used to hate valorant but my ex loved it and so I played it a lot with him/spent a lotttt of time watching him play. i have good memories of it bc of that

skyrim is def gonna be smth i play until i die n i hope the next one is just as good. just like years to come. sadly.

i generally prefer more fantasy games in fictional universes to ones set in the real world or like sci-fi. a found family trope is my fav. like the line blood is thicker than water, but the full saying is the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. meaning bonds formed by choice are stronger than those you are born with. i heard that full saying a decade ago and never forgot. i played the telltale walking dead game when it came out and i was obsessed. i cried over it.

i played resident evil as a kid on the ps2 or ps3 i think and idk how because i tried a few years ago and got scared and quit. not a big horror game fan. i’ve forced myself to play a lot like amnesia, outlast, prey scared me so bad i played like an hour and quit.

gna geek out a bit. there’s this game called silent hill p.t. it was a playable trailer for a since abandoned and unreleased silent hill game. it was released for free on ps4 but when the game was cancelled, it was taken down and unable to be redownloaded. i housesat for my moms boyfriend when i was 15 and he had the game, he never deleted it so it was still playable. i played it in the middle of the night in his gaming room in pure darkness and i have never played a scarier game. i turned every light in the house on and kept every door open. i slept with his two great danes on the bed LMAO the consoles that had it downloaded were being sold for thousands afterwards bc there was no other way to play it other than buy the console and account that it’s downloaded to.

played sm gta growing up and im so excited for the new one!! the trailer looks phenomenal

never played valorant but i’ve downloaded it to play and then forgot about it twice HAHA

forgot to mention zelda as a favorite but i love the zelda games. ive mostly played on ds n i haven’t played the new switch game yet

[touchingmadness]

✦ Writeblr Reintroduction ✦

a sff writer makes a heroic return to her writeblr account after a year of relative inactivity! the audience gasps! a return!? after so long!? is that allowed!? but our heroine has no care for what is allowed! she scoffs in the face of mockery!

Hey everyone! I’m Mae Crowe (@touchingmadness)! Some of you might already know me, but most considering the upheaval in the Writeblr community recently... Well, most of you probably don’t. I’ve been on Writeblr for six years as of August 2022, but I’ve been relatively inactive for the past year due to senior year of college, thesis work, and job applications.

In the time I’ve been away, I have a new contemporary fantasy WIP in the second draft that I am excited to share, as well as three WIPs in planning stages that I’m hoping to share somewhere down the road. I am also looking for some writers and WIPs to follow, because how else do you make friends on here?

[Banner made using “Astrolava’s character creator!” picrew.]

More about me, my writing, and what I'm looking to follow below the cut. Signal boosts allowed and appreciated!

✦ About Me ✦

Again, I’m Mae Crowe (she/her). I’m 22 years old and a recent graduate with a degree in communication. In terms of hobbies, I enjoy reading, writing, cosplay, and being an utter nuisance about Star Trek. I’m biromantic-asexual, and a hopeless romantic who sadly only develops infrequent crushes and basically gets possessed by a clumsy, bumbling gentleman every time they do occur. Yes, that’s just as embarrassing as it sounds.

✦ My Writing ✦

Humanity ✦ Societal failings ✦ Consequences ✦ Hope in the dark

I don’t really limit myself to a particular genre, but I tend to favor science-fiction and fantasy. My themes are generally pretty consistent, and my storylines tend to revolve around a character’s introspection and self-actualization. Most of my work is either adult or NA due to the heavier themes I like to play with, as well as just preferring to write at least marginally older characters.

✦ Main WIP: Touched ✦

My current WIP is an NA contemporary fantasy novel about an adult “Chosen One” dealing with the realization that the organization she dedicated her childhood caused her incredible harm. At its core, it’s about how parents and authority fail us and moving past childhood trauma to build the life we want. It’s her journey of growing up, dual POV with her supposed-dead mortal enemy, and yes, of course they have a romantic arc, even if I consider the story’s focus to be on their individual development. But they’re bi4bi and ace4ace M/F, if that’s what it takes to sell someone. And the female lead is touch averse and it’s not treated as something to be fixed because I am Touch Averse and Bitter. :))))

(This is incredibly oversimplified, so let me know if you would like to be notified when the full introduction is released later this week.)

✦ Other WIPs ✦

I also have three projects that are in the planning stages that I might choose to share down the road. I can’t guarantee any of these will be formally released soon, but there’s a good chance they’ll be mentioned at least in passing.

Adult space opera. A crew of female and fem-presenting aliens go on a space road trip to ruin the wedding of the human playboy who toyed with them, building bonds with each other in the process.

Adult post-apocalyptic sci-fi. Severely wounded in a violent raid, an amnesiac man is taken in by the household of the legendary Eternal One, a mysterious and warped survivor from the Before Times.

NA contemp queer romance. A notorious flirt poses as her best friend’s boyfriend on a family vacation to help her avoid the fallout of a nasty breakup, causing hijinks and a gender crisis.

Again, I can’t guarantee that any of these will be formerly released, but if you’re interested in being alerted if/when any of them are posted, let me know.

✦ Looking For ✦

I’m looking for writers and WIPs to follow! If you’re active in the community, involved in events, or generally just share a lot (writing, tips, or whatever), I’d love to check out your blog! I likely won’t follow everyone, but I’m currently following practically no one... So...

In terms of WIPs, my favorite things are:

Contemp fantasy, soft sci-fi, gothic fantasy, genre-bending spec fic, space operas

NA or adult audience

Complicated characters, complicated relationship dynamics

Ace-spec, aro-spec, bi, and/or sapphic POV characters

Trope subversion and social commentary

Ultimately hopeful and/or cathartic stories

Creepy, quirky, and/or existential vibes

Shenanigans, humor, absurdity, and/or permission to have fun

These aren’t the only things I read, just my favorites. The only thing I probably won’t consider at all is fanfiction, simply due to fic compatibility. Just let me know what you’re excited about sharing, I’d love to hear about it!

Feel free to introduce yourself or your work in the thread, in the tags, in asks, or in DMs. I’m really excited to get to know all of you!!!

[musings-of-a-rose]

Meet the Millers - Chapter 6

Pairing: Joel Miller x Benny Miller x Will Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 3700+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Bear in mind the pairing of this fic along with the fact it’s set in a post-apocalyptic setting, so there will be themes and elements fitting the setting. Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: I hit 200 followers and wanted to give y’all a little something so I did a poll and let you pick what one shot I write next. This is what y’all picked! I hope I can deliver. I started this out as a one shot and it MAJORLY got away from me, so now it’s a mini series. Thank you so much for following me and reading my ramblings! Also a shoutout to @astoryisaloveaffair for helping me figure out how things work and being an amazing sounding board, @icanbeyourjedi for helping me to settle on a filter for this moodboard, and @theewokingdead for being delightfully appalled at how many words this one shot has turned into and cheering me on with memes and gifs.

This is set loosely in The Last of Us universe. I’ve only played a bit of the game and watched others play (and the show isn’t out yet), so please forgive any inaccuracies. Also it’s a post-apocalyptic world so I’m taking a bunch of liberties here. Because fan fiction.

Ages at the time of this story (so you don’t have to do math):

Reader: 28

Benny: 35

Will: 38

Joel: 50

*Reader is ethnicity inclusive despite stock photo bias

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

<<Chapter 5

Meet the Miller Masterlist

Main Masterlist

You marked the spot you need to go on Joel’s map. It wasn’t terribly far, but it was a solid trek on foot. Round trip would be at least 3 days if you didn’t run into trouble. You hoped the kid could last that long, but there wasn’t anything else to do. Will and Benny both tried to come with you, but you pointed out that Will would be missed at work, as he’s head of sector security and Benny would miss several training sessions, which would arouse suspicion. No one really noticed you and you could take a few days off, Benny covering your section of the wall. It would be better and quicker if it was a smaller pairing venturing out anyways.

Joel was surprised when you showed up to their home the night before leaving, backpack ready, boots by the door, and a bow and quiver set off to the side. You showed him the quiver and how you managed to rig it to your backpack so you didn’t have to carry too many bags.

That night, you laid with both Benny and Will and as you all collapsed onto the bed after, Will turned to you.

“Benny and I talked about it and we want you to know - if you want to be with Joel too, we’re ok with that. Same rules apply and we both agree.” Benny nods as your eyes go wide, looking between them like there was a joke you were the butt of.

“I don’t- I mean I haven’t-”

Will chuckles. “Come on, Ghost. Benny and I aren’t blind. We see you lookin’.”

“Well, I mean.. How can you not? He’s a…but he’s your…I wouldn’t..”

Benny lays his hand on your chest. “We know, sweetheart. We trust you. That’s why we talked about it. But it’s completely up to you. He knows that-”

“YOU TOLD HIM??” You slap your hands to your face as heat radiates off of you.

“Of course we did, sweetheart. He looks at you too. And don’t let him give you the age line.”

Still covering your face, you say “I can’t believe I’m talking about another guy with my current boyfriends.”

—----

It’s still dark out when you wake, knowing you’ll need to get out early to avoid the most people. You dress quickly and head from the bedroom, grabbing some protein bars to throw in your bag. Joel joins you a few moments later, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Mornin’, hon’.”

“Morning.” You silently hand him a mug of coffee and he gives you a small smile as he takes it, taking a sip and letting it wash over his body.

“Leavin’ in 10.”

You nod and hear the back bedroom door open. Benny and Will shuffle down the hall, Benny yawning and Will wiping a hand over his face. Joel nods at you before disappearing back to his room.

Benny and Will walk up to you and basically make you a Miller sandwich, squeezing you in between their strong bodies and kissing your cheeks.

“Please be careful, darlin’.”

“I always am.”

“We’ll miss you, sweetheart.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

You kiss them each on the lips, trying to convey how much you care for them without explicitly saying it.

“I’ll make sure she’s safe,” Joel had come back out of his room, moving to put his boots on. Will and Benny nod at Joel, giving you one last kiss before they release you. Sliding your feet in your boots, you lace them up and get your backpack on, slinging your bow over your shoulder.

“Ready hon’?”

“Yeah. Let’s help this kid.”

Throwing a smile over your shoulder at your boys, you slip out the door behind Joel, closing it behind you. Joel is silent and you take his lead, following him through the shadows of the nearly empty streets of Boston. He takes a few routes through some unoccupied buildings and you don’t question it, fully trusting him to guide you. Eventually, you enter a dilapidated building, missing the top several floors and head downstairs through a crumbled wall, crossing under the city wall through an old subway tunnel that had been hidden.

The tunnel is dark and quiet, Joel and you turning on your flashlights to see. It’s not long before you see light and Joel heads towards it. The light is blocked by numerous plants and vines, but you can see a path through them as they wind their way up a staircase. Joel crosses to it, clicking off his flashlight, and ascends the stairs, you quietly following in his path.

When you come out on the street above, you take a moment to look around and just breathe. It’s still city, half crumbled buildings overgrown with vines and plants, trees and grasses cover the road. But it’s so different from the stark greys inside the walls. You’d only been inside several months, but being out here made you realize how much you missed this freedom. The city felt suffocating compared to this, like it was trying to pull you back in as you saw the wall a few blocks down what used to be a main road, ominous and cold. Of course it wasn’t all bad - you’d found the Millers and they had made you the most happy you’d been since this all started. You vowed to tell them when you returned exactly how you felt about them because life is short, especially now.

A hand lightly grabs your arm and you turn to see Joel, beckoning you to follow him. Taking one last look at the city wall, you turn and follow Joel, avoiding the cars left out to rust and be reclaimed by the wild.

You walk for at least 20 blocks in silence, sometimes heading through a building to get around a large obstruction and you admit to yourself that Joel is a pro. He knows exactly where he’s going to get out of this maze and he’s confident about it, moving with sure feet in a world where nothing is certain.

You watch him for several blocks, the sweat starting to appear on his neck causing the hair there to curl up at the ends. It takes all your willpower to not reach out and tug on it, the impossibly soft looking curls almost too enticing. His muscles stretch and pull at the flannel shirt he was wearing as he climbs over barriers, extending a strong hand to help you up and around. You don’t need the help really, but you won’t pass up an opportunity to touch him.

The buildings start to thin out as you reach the edge of the old city of Boston and Joel heads to a small building, what looked like an old gas station. He gets out his gun, motioning for you to get your bow. You slide it up from around you and notch an arrow, nodding at him as you both stand on either side of the front door. Joel moves in first, gun raised and sweeping to the left as you mimic him and sweep to the right. The store is empty - just some grass and greenery creeping its way in. Joel heads into a backroom and pops his head out a moment later to motion for you to follow him. Once you cross the threshold, he closes the door behind you, turning on his flashlight as he sets it upside down on the desk as a makeshift lantern.

“How you doin’, hon’?”

“I’m great. This a rest stop?”

“Yeah, just for a few minutes. It’s a regular stop but you can never be too careful.”

Joel leans on the desk, pulling his backpack around to get his canteen. He spins the top off and puts it to his lips, tilting his head back slightly as he takes a few gulps of water, his throat bobbing with each swallow, sweat glistening on his neck. He brings the bottle back down and exhales, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You ok there, hon’?”

“What? Oh yeah, I’m..I’m fine. Great. I just..I’m good.” you’re flustered, Joel having caught you ogling him. Your cheeks are on fire as you slide your backpack around, grabbing your own canteen and taking a few sips. You think you hear Joel chuckle, his chest rumbling with containing the laughter, and when you look up at him you swear you see him wipe a smile off his face, replacing it with his normal grumpy demeanor.

“In a couple miles, we’ll be able to make a little more noise. I just don’t like announcing things this close to Boston.”

“Makes sense.”

You both rest a few more minutes, taking another look at the map before Joel slides his backpack on, situating himself to head back out. You do the same and follow him through the door as you both exit the building and head out away from the city. You walk in silence, listening to the wind blow through the trees as birds sing and tweet. This is what you missed - the silence, feeling life around you that was free of judgment or betrayal. A few hours later, Joel clears his throat.

“Sorry for the precautions but when you’ve been doin’ this as long as I have, you learn to be careful.”

“You’re the expert - I trust you, Joel.”

“There’s a place we can camp out for the night a few hours walk ahead.”

“Sounds good.”

You walk the rest of the way in a comfortable silence, both of you taking in the serene feeling of finally being away from the city. Joel speaks to point out some landmarks to you “Just in case we get separated” and you memorize them all - he’s right. It wouldn’t take much for things to go sideways. You were all too familiar with that.

The sun is setting by the time you reach your camp for the night. Following Joel into the building, you do another sweep and find nothing except crumbling booths, leather seats peeling back to expose white puffs of stuffing. This was a diner of some kind from before and it made you nostalgic for the Sunday breakfasts you used to have with your family at the pancake house when you were a kid.

“Ghost? Back here.”

Joel heads behind the counter and into what used to be a kitchen. Walking in behind him, you see him turning some knobs on an oven, warmth oozing out as the old machine comes to life. Joel sees your confusion and answers.

“It’s gas. Doesn’t need power. We can’t leave it on for long, but at least heat up the area so we can get some sleep.”

Taking off your bag and bow, you set them off to the side as Joel lays a blanket down on the hard floors.

“I’ve…only got the one blanket, hon’. I didn’t think-”

“It’s fine, Joel. We can share. If that’s ok?”

Joel shifts from foot to foot, an internal argument with himself happening behind those deep eyes.

“Alrgih’.”

“Thanks.” You turn back to your bag to grab out a protein bar, shoving the blanket you had packed down to the bottom of your bag with a smirk. You move to sit down next to Joel, handing him a protein bar as you do. He smiles his thanks you and you both eat in silence, listening to the faint sound of crickets outside.

“We’re about a half day’s walk away from that spot you marked. If we get up early, we should be there around noon or so.”

You nod, stretching before you reach for your canteen, taking a few measured sips of water, feeling a drip travel down your throat. A calloused thumb reaches out and gently swipes down the path of the water, wiping it off your skin. You set the bottle down and look at Joel, whose thumb is still tracing a path down your throat, sliding over the healed cut he had placed there when you first met. There’s no way he can’t feel how your pulse races at his touch, thumping through your skin as if it was trying to escape. His eyes meet yours and you notice that they’re darker, your own desire reflected back at you. He drops his hand from you, sitting back against the cabinets with a huff and you hesitate before turning your head away from him, taking a few deep breaths and hiding it with putting your canteen away.

You lean up against the cabinets as well, crossing your legs out in front of you and folding your arms. You speak first, breaking the silent tension in the room.

“I can take first watch.”

“I’ll do it.”

“Just..I’ll do it, Joel.”

He doesn’t look at you, considering his options. “Alrigh’.”

He crosses his arms and leans his head back against the cabinets, closing his eyes as he shuffles around to get comfortable. You lose yourself in your thoughts about what just happened. You were sure of what you saw in his eyes, and you know he felt your racing pulse. So why didn’t he act? Benny had said Joel was feeling guilty about his age, which you didn’t give a rat’s ass about to be honest. Joel was strong, rugged, smart, and obviously lived a hard life, even before the clickers. But he was also kind and attentive, pays attention to small details. And fuck was he hot. You turned to look at his face, stress and tension erased as he slept. The grey hairs fighting for dominance with the dark brown just added fuel onto your already raging crush on this man. There were only 2 other people you had ever felt this way about, and they were waiting for you back home, giving you full permission to pursue…this. If there was anything to pursue.

A few hours goes by and Joel stirs, opening his eyes and shifting his body around to wake it up.

“Your turn.”

You lean back against the cabinets and close your eyes, willing yourself to get some sleep because you know you need it. It had been a while since you slept like this, having been spoiled sharing a bed with Benny and Will for a while now. Falling into scattered dreams, memories of your past from outside the wall swirling around each other, never settling on one event or place. A sharp pain in your neck turns into a mushroom, and you panic, turning in the doorless room you were in to look into a mirror, where you see the face of a clicker staring back at you, moving as you move. The neck pain subsides, but your eyes are glued to the mirror in horror as you look at the reflection, noticing the bodies of Will, Benny, and Joel on the floor behind you, broken and bleeding. You cry out, but it’s just a series of clicks. Spotting movement, you turn to see Will, slowly sitting up, face changing and shifting, spores popping out from him as Benny and Joel move in the same way. You’re screaming again, clicks coming from your mouth in rapid succession as they turn to you, fans and domes sprouting from their eyes to transform them into horrifyingly beautiful mushrooms. You feel pressure on your arm and your body starts to shake, a scream erupting from your mouth as your eyes fly open, staring up into the terrified eyes of Joel.

“Hey, hey. Sshhh. It was a dream,” he speaks softly to you, treating you like a spooked animal as your scream dies off and you stop convulsing.

“Breathe with me, hon’.” Joel takes a few deep breaths and you copy him, feeling your heart rate start to calm. After a few of these, you notice that your head is in Joel’s lap and his hand is on your chest, helping you to breathe in time with him. He seems to realize this when you do as he quickly jerks his hand away.

“S-sorry. Was tryin’ to help-”

“It’s ok.” You manage to sit up and wipe your fingers across your face, trying to dry your tears.

“I’m sorry for laying in your lap.”

To your surprise, Joel blushes. “Oh, uh you didn’t. I..put you there.” In response to your confused look, he continues at a rapid pace “It’s just, your neck was so crooked ‘n I tried to move your head, but it never stuck, so I put your head on my lap. I didn’t want you to have-have a crick in your neck.”

Reaching out to grab his hand, you give it a little squeeze. “Thank you, Joel. You definitely saved my neck.”

He looks at you, scans your face. “Are you ok, hon’? You were..makin’ a lot of noise in your sleep so I tried to wake you up…”

“Thank you for that. It…” you trailed off, debating on telling Joel or not.

“You don’t have to-”

“It’s a recurring dream. I’m standing in a room with no way out..” you tell him everything about the dream and he listens intently, hiding a look of surprise when you mention seeing him. “I haven’t had it since I started staying with Benny and Will. Guess I feel secure in the Miller household.” You give him a small smile.

“Do Ben and Will know about it?”

You shake your head. “I haven’t had it in a long while and I never thought to tell them.”

He nods and glances out the window.

“Can I ask…you and Benny and Will look so…”

“Different?”

You nod. “Yeah. I was just wondering how you were related?”

Joel studies your face for a moment. “We share a mom. Her name was Maria. Hell of a woman. She had me when she was really young, nearly a child herself. Anyway, my dad left her and for a while, it was just me n’ her. She was a great mom. When I was about 9, she met Jacob Miller. Tall guy, blonde hair, blue eyes, nice smile. She never really introduced me to the men she was datin’ so when she asked me if I would meet him, I knew she must really like him. He was…a great guy. Treated my mom like she was the only thing in his world. We bonded fast - he treated me like a son and I came to know him like a dad. When they got married a year or so later, I asked if I could take the Miller name and call him dad.” Joel wipes at his face, trying to hide the tears of a happy memory from a time long gone. “Jacob…Dad…adopted me as soon as the courts would let him. He became the father I never had, even when Will came along when I was 12 and Benny when I was 15. We were all…close.”

You knew his parents had died when things first started and it broke your heart even more to know that they were all so close. Placing your hand on his thigh, you gave it a little squeeze and he gave you a soft smile in return before shaking his head.

“I think you have time for a little more sleep if you need it? You haven’t been out for that long.”

“I really should.” You feel so exhausted from that dream, like you had never actually slept. Joel opens his arms and beckons you to him.

“Come ‘mere. You can lay with me.”

“I-oh. You, you don’t have to-”

“I don’t have to do anythin’, hon’. But I want to. Now come here.”

Glancing at his face, you see his sincerity, how he wants to make sure you feel safe and secure to at least get some rest. He knows what lack of sleep can cost you out here. So you slide up next to him and bury your face in his side, curling into him as you feel him hesitate before wrapping his arms around you. You breathe in his scent, woodsy and his musk mixing together to make you feel safe. It only takes a few minutes before you’re fast asleep, no more nightmares plaguing you.

—----

Joel wakes you at sun up, and you thank him for helping you sleep. He just gives you a half smile as you both eat a protein bar for breakfast, making quick work of packing up to continue on to your destination.

As you walk, you pass the time by talking every now and again, telling Joel about your experience with the outside. You find out that pre clickers he had a daughter, Sarah, but that she was killed by soldiers who mistook her for an infected at the beginning of it all. He never mentions a wife or girlfriend so you don’t ask, not wanting to bring up more painful memories.

A little past noon, you arrive at a very small town, a few blocks of buildings making up the main square. On the other side is a small wooded area, which is where the yarrow and echinacea grow, probably planted there by locals. The town seems abandoned, but both you and Joel carry your weapons in your hands, pointing down but ready to go if needed. A knowing silence falls between you both, acknowledging the need for stealth. Taking a sweep of the town, you see no one and relax just a little.

Rounding the corner, you see the field about a block or so ahead and walk towards it, Joel right behind you. Stopping in the field, you start to scan the area, spotting a few yarrow plants right away and you move to collect them.

“I’m gonna do a sweep of mainstreet. See if there’s anything useful. Probably picked through but you never know. We’ll meet up at that pharmacy we passed comin’ in.”

“Sounds good.”

Joel turns to walk away and you stand to grab his arm. He turns to you with a questioning look.

“Please be careful. I-” you look at the town behind him and your eyes glaze over, memories sliding into place behind them. Joel’s hand on yours pulls you from it.

“I’ll be ok.”

He pats your hand once more before turning around to head back to the town. You watch him disappear around the building before dropping back down in the field, collecting several more plants before standing again. Scanning the area, you see a slight ditch and a ton of echinacea growing in it. You step down into it and crouch down, gathering up the plants.

It’s then you hear the sound of an engine, unmistakable in its rarity since the infection, causing your blood to run cold.

—----

Chapter 7 >>

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Meet the Millers Taglist:

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[qqueenofhades]

20+ Books That You (Might Actually Want) To Read During Pride Month!

Right, so. I got annoyed after seeing the list referenced in this post last night, told myself that my books are all packed up so I couldn’t do anything about it, and lasted all of a whopping 10 minutes before picking up my phone and attempting to make my own list instead. Behold, my from-memory attempt to present 20 books with strong LGBTQ plots, characters, and/or authors, that DON’T just rely on Suffering and Identity Politics and are... you know... fun.

Listed in alphabetical order by title. Links take you to Bookshop.org, where you can buy them from your local independent bookstore at a discount and NOT from the evil empire.

1. A Master of Djinn – P. Djeli Clark * author of color * steampunk Cairo in 1912 * djinn! magic! murder mystery! * butch Arab lesbian main character * devout hijabi Muslim badass assistant * anticolonial alternate history

2. An Accident of Stars – Foz Meadows (Sequel: A Tyranny of Queens) * trans author * bi, pan, trans, aro representation * racially diverse characters * all female POV characters * high-fantasy world adventures

3. Boyfriend Material – Alexis Hall * queer author * look I love this book SO MUCH and have absolutely screamed about it before but also I LOVE IT SO MUCH * contemporary M/M fake dating in modern London, complete with full cast of disaster found-family queer friends * it is. fucking. HILARIOUS. I almost died the first time reading it * there is a sequel called HUSBAND MATERIAL scheduled to be released in 2022; I am a normal amount of excited for this book

4. Gideon the Ninth – Tamsyn Muir (Sequel: Harrow the Ninth) * the book cover says “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted palace in space!” * that is exactly what you get * slow-burn enemies-to-lovers F/F main romance * I cannot describe this book, it is dark, genre-bendy, science fiction-y, Hunger-Games-with-lesbian-necromancers-in space? Kinda? I have literally never read anything like it * also fucking HILARIOUS

5. One Last Stop – Casey McQuiston * queer author (who wrote Red White and Royal Blue) * bisexual fat girl from the South/lesbian-daughter-of-Chinese immigrants from the 1970s-riot-grrl main romance * time traveling mystery involving the Q train in Brooklyn (mentions Brighton Beach ahem) * magical realism * many more found-family chaotic queers including a trans Latino psychic and a Black accountant by day/drag queen by night and the mean little gay disaster who has a hopeless crush on them

6. Parasol Protectorate (series) – Gail Carriger * this is one of my favorite series, and there are five books: Soulless, Changeless, Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless * steampunk vampires/werewolves late Victorian London, like Jane Austen crossed with P.G. Wodehouse (they are all fucking hilarious) * pretty much everyone is queer; we got your flamboyantly camp gay vampires (Lord Akeldama ftw!) We got your gay werewolves! We got your lesbian French inventors! We got your big disaster idiot werewolf main male love interest! We got your crazy adventures! You name it we got it! * two spin-off novellas: Romancing the Werewolf (M/M) and Romancing the Inventor (F/F) * she has a ton more books in this same universe and writes sexy queer supernatural romance as G.L. Carriger

7. Plain Bad Heroines – Emily M. Danforth * queer author * historical horror-comedy set between a haunted girls’ school in early-1900s New England and in the modern day * all sapphic female main characters * plays with style/form/voice, a story within a story within a story

8. Red White and Royal Blue – Casey McQuiston * you’ve probably heard of it but here I am reccing it again * the biracial son of the first female POTUS falls in love with the Prince of England; shenanigans absolutely ensue * yes, the British monarchy still absolutely sucks a big fat dick * hilarious, heartfelt, reads like fanfic, just go get it, it will change your life

9. Rosaline Palmer Takes The Cake – Alexis Hall * same author as Boyfriend Material, this is his newest * bisexual female protagonist * absolutely perfect satire of The Great British Bake Off (you can tell this man has watched EVERY SINGLE SERIES and all of the holiday specials) * sweet and surprisingly thoughtful

10. Starless – Jacqueline Carey * genderqueer/transmasculine main character of color * almost all main characters are brown people! * lush Middle Eastern/India-inspired fantasy world * gods, prophecies, monsters * the best Oh God Why Me I Am A Horrible Mentor wise-old-mentor

11. The Future of Another Timeline – Annalee Newitz * nonbinary (they/them) author * time travel but make it The Handmaid’s Tale * will probably make your head explode * feminist, queer, subversive * diverse characters

12. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue – Mackenzi Lee * queer author * technically YA but historical/magical adventure set in the 1700s * bisexual disaster main protagonist and love interest of color * (mis)adventures across Europe * has a sequel (see below) with the badass asexual sister of the protagonist

13. The Hate Project – Kris Ripper * nonbinary/genderqueer author * M/M enemies to lovers/sex with no strings attached (spoiler alert: strings attached) * HECKING HILARIOUS * sweet, escapist, and very low stakes * diverse characters, including fat protagonist with realistic anxiety disorder

14. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy – Mackenzi Lee * PIRATES, obviously * sequel to Gentleman’s Guide * asexual female protagonist * strong queerplatonic f/f friendship * more historical/magical 18th century adventures

15. The Last Rune (series) – Mark Anthony * Imma be real with you chief, I haven’t read this series since I was a clueless teenager with no idea why I liked Gay Stuff so much, so if it does turn out to suck now, don’t throw rotten veggies at me * but especially since it was written in the NINETIES, this series was hella progressive?! * gay characters, disabled characters, characters of color, all playing significant and heroic roles in six-book epic fantasy cycle * people from Earth end up in high-fantasy world of Eldh * endgame M/M romance for the main character * books out of print, I think, but you can find them cheap somewhere like AbeBooks; first one (Beyond the Pale) linked above

16. The Library of the Unwritten – A.J. Hackwith * queer author * heaven-hell-Valhalla supernatural adventures * The Good Place x Good Omens x Lucifer x The Librarians * Pansexual Black badass female heroine * Queer found families * The Sassiest TM Bisexual Villain Turned Reluctant Hero (is he my favorite? Why on earth would you think that.)

17. The Priory of the Orange Tree – Samantha Shannon * epic doorstopper science fiction/historical fantasy set in a vaguely 16th-century world * main F/F romance between a queen and her sorceress bodyguard * sassy old gay alchemist whose backstory will give you Feelings * so many strong women and characters of color * no homophobia! marriage is fully gender-neutral, spouses are called “companions”

18. The Song of Achilles – Madeline Miller * likewise one you have probably heard of but still * a little light on the myth/historical part imho, but the writing is beautiful and will give you many feelings * M/M romance between Achilles and Patroclus  * reimagining of The Iliad (her other book Circe is also really good)

19 The Stars are Legion – Kameron Hurley * all-female apocalyptic space opera * messy messy antiheroines * grimdark war fantasy * queer sci-fi drama

20. Witchmark – C.L. Polk * author of color * M/M romance * main character is a veteran and a doctor dealing with his own hidden magic and repressed war trauma * gaslamp fantasy set in a world reminiscent of post-WWI England * strong sibling relationship

[idiopath-fic-smile]

Stay Safe is one i re listen to all the time. It makes so happy and relax. I've sent it to my friends when they are feeling down!

aw, that's so lovely! (link here for reference)

a quick head's up, i may be about to ruin this song for you:

this one came from an extremely specific place, namely the zombie-themed narrative running app Zombies Run. in the world of Zombies Run, there are two characters, Jack and Eugene, who run a post-apocalyptic radio station. they're canonically boyfriends. they bicker on the air about pop culture, and also just in general, but at the same time, they're trying to help keep each other sane. their catchphrase is to tell listeners to "stay safe."

i'm so glad the song works as a more general "hey, i see the world can be heavy but i care about you and want you to be okay," but on a literal level, it is about scraping together what you've got left in a zombie apocalypse, "i can't blame you for feeling down" being a bit of an understatement. "if you're cold sit by the fire" = because there's no electricity grid left, because so many people have been killed by zombies.

the whole thing is like that. the observation that a lot of songs say some variation of "i'd die without you" and how it's actually not very romantic if dying feels like a possibility = because they are in danger, from zombies.

in the canon of Zombies Run (SPOILER), Jack briefly goes missing and that's what the "come back home if you can find your way back home" is referring to.

the only non-zombie-adjacent part is "we tell the stories we need to hear," which is sort of the natural resolution of the stuff i'm wrestling with in but maybe (lullaby of cautious optimism). although even then, it probably made it into the song because i decided that jack and eugene's pop culture references were a reflection of how badly we need fiction in hard times. (those times specifically being zombies.)

[multi-lefaiye]

happy blorbo blursday! how do you come up with characters? how much projection goes into that?

HELLO! Happy blorbo blursday to you as well! :D

Somy character-making process varies but there is definitely a good deal of projection involved most of the time lmao, because what is fiction if not a vehicle for me to work through some shit that I still struggle to talk about? I don't have like. A single process. So I'm just gonna list some characters off the top of my head and explain how they were created.

Alekto (CUDAAS) - I was randomly generating mythology names for background characters and then randomly rolled for a few traits for each background character. Through sheer happenstance, Alekto's random personality traits really caught my attention (I think it was just like... they're the leader of a flock, they like art, and they're very gentle and personable). So then I put them in the brain microwave and listened to a lot of music for inspiration and eventually. A character was born.

Juno London (A Modern Ghost Story) - Okay Juno's creation is fun imo because they were a character I actually set out to make kinda out of spite? Like I was listening to this creepypasta narration, and I really liked the premise but the execution put me off so fucking much. I thought the worldbuilding was handled in a very clumsy way, the story was trying way too hard to make the protagonist seem super cool and interesting, and in general I didn't think it was working. So I took the very base concept of a character trapped between life and death who can see ghosts, and I ran with it. So yeah void-walkers as a whole, which came to be because of Juno, happened out of spite and a desire to do that concept more justice.

Apollo (A Modern Ghost Story) - Well I gotta include a character with a more simple backstory in terms of creation--okay so Apollo was made to be a void-walker alongside Juno, but my entire concept for him at first was "I think it'd be fun if Juno had a really feral boyfriend." Then I thought about him more and realized that none of those words apply to him actually. He's not Juno's boyfriend in a romantic sense (though they are QPPs! <3), he's honestly probably just kinda a regular dude for the most part, and he's also only a man every other weekend. Also he likes disco a lot.

Rook (Rook) - Okay well this is a fun theme but yeah Rook was also created out of spite! Kinda! Rook is based on a Warrior cats OC I had named Rookwatcher, who I created as like. A malicious compliance sort of thing regarding the rules of an RP group I wasn't even part of that I thought were really unfairly restrictive?? I don't even remember what problems I had with it, I just remember my friend joining and telling me the rules and I went "that's fucking stupid" and, for fun, made a character that technically followed all of the rules but only if you REALLY stretch the definitions. Then, over time, I developed Rookwatcher more and made a humanized version of them I named Rook, and now I like Rook more than Rookwatcher so they're separate characters. Yay :)

Pascal (Sad People WIP) - Well okay this one is just 100% projection so far--I'm working through some things and came to some realizations recently about myself that I don't know what to do with so I was like. Alright I'm gonna make a fictional guy and make this his problem.

Jackrabbit (Magic Apocalyptica) - I just wanna include him b/c his creation story is fun <3 Jackrabbit started as a Warrior cats OC that was essentially a ripoff of Jack from Tales From the Gas Station, and then as time went on I took his story further and further away from Warrior cats. He went from a regular cat to a furry to a catboy. And now he's a catboy in a post-apocalyptic setting with funky magic powers, a prosthetic arm, and a pet opossum. I love him <3

Alright that's enough for now I think lmao I almost went on for a while whoops-

[ryder616]

AoSAW21 - Day 1: Favorite Character

"I imagined you perfect. You're way more interesting than that". -- Cal Johnson, S.O.S. Part 2

I've rhapsodised about Daisy a few times already, here and there (🤭) but what's the point of an Appreciation Week if you can't ramble for thousands of characters about your favorite fictional people?

The thing about Daisy and me (lol) is that I don't really relate all that much to her, considering, and I certainly cannot identify with her. My life experiences are vastly different, and that's before we add superpowers, secret agencies, spaceships, time travel and a 1950s boyfriend.

Which is great for me, of course, because her life sucks.

And that's it: she has every damn reason to be angry at the world, to feel like she's owned, to want to watch things burn or to say fuck it and retire to some tropical island and never bother with anyone or anything ever again...but she never does that, not even for a stretch.

Even when an ancient superhuman asshole uses her and abuses her and she loses herself and thinks she has to leave everyone she loves behind to protect them, she goes and finds herself a cause to fight for and people in danger to help.

Nor does she use her crappy past or her mountain of traumas and disappointments to justify herself when her actions are questionable and questioned. The closer she got was in the aftermath of the kill order on Wilfred Malick - something that I maintain was borderline character assassination just to move another character's story and, ok, shush, not the point here - but she can't even explain it fully then: "Hydra is very bad. [Everything] is being infiltrated by them and it all ends in horror". Her life was completely destroyed by that horror at least twice but does she say so? Or launch in a poor-me monologue to elicit sympathy from Deke (or, Asgard forbid, the audience)? Nah. Hydra is bad, she says. Oh, Daisy. You do yourself no favors and I adore you for it.

She's immensely powerful but never coveted that power and she gives it up with no fuss if it can keep people safe, even though it's tied to her identity, an identity she has labored and suffered for years to discover.

She could hack herself into millions but she couldn't care less about money. When she has them, like the seven millions she stole from the Watchdogs, she gives them away - to widows, small children, everyday workers - and still lives in a crappy van.

Her sense of self-preservation is atrocious, and generally kicks in only after everyone else's survival is accounted for. She's literally killed herself for the cause, tried to stay behind in a post-apocalyptic future where her kind was hunted and enslaved, is always ready to run headlong into a wall (or several) for friends and strangers alike and her least dangerous self-sacrificial act was shooting herself with an Icer, potentially leaving herself at the mercy of two powerful aliens that wanted to either kill her or take her prisoner.

The world keeps taking from her or treats her like a monster or a thing and she keeps trying to make it better, to make a difference, to make it so other people have the stability and safety and happiness that have always been fleeting for her. That's some hero stuff even before saving the world enters the picture, and she also does that.

Her heart gets in the way all the time and she lets it. When in S5 Talbot pleads for a way to contact his family she knows it's a risk. But she has to help him reconnect with his son. How could she not? Five years earlier, she managed to give parenting advice to Lloyd Rathman in the middle of conning him to find a lead to where Centipede - Hydra, really. It's always freaking Hydra - was torturing Coulson. There's everything that could turn a person into a cynical hardass (🙄) who gives no one an inch or a care in between these two moments, and yet it didn't happen.

And she still believes in people and their capacity to do good and be better, which is pretty extraordinary because she's been disappointed by almost everyone in her life, including the team she considers family. Part of that is because she undervalues herself, sure, but the rest is just who she is. How does that quote go? Nothing's quite as beautiful as someone who has survived losing everything and still has a tender heart.

Yeah. That's the TLDR, right there.

[hawkland]

(Mostly) Destiel Fic Recs #5

This is a LONG recs post because it’s been a while since I did an update and I fell hard into reading one author’s work (DeanRH). In fact I could easily do a rec post just of their fics alone, but for this round I’m just going to pick out a handful of my absolute favorites so far, the ones I’d recommend to start out with, along with more other authors’ works I’ve especially enjoyed lately.

Absolution at the Five-and-Dime by DeanRH (125k)  - this is perhaps THEE DeanRH fic to start with if you want a good, long read with a little bit of everything (Roadtrips! Intriguing casefic! Americana! Tasty Dean/Cas pining! Wing!kink and unique angel lore! Kinky soul fisting and tentacles!) It’s kind of two of parallel stories in one: the first, a flashback to Dean and Sam's first year hunting on their own (as well as trying to avoid hunting, and John in general); the second on how Dean and Cas finally get together during an unusual case and when Dean is able to really let go of his past trauma and accept himself/accept love from Cas. 

What I love about DeanRH’s work is that they write from the unique point of view of a drifter, so they understand living on the road, traveling place to place, and the highs and lows of that life like no others I’ve encountered in SPN before. (The author’s notes are often as much fun to read as the stories themselves). They also write a kickass angel!Cas and never lose sight of his non-human traits and background. Their writing style is unique - almost poetic in nature, and I know some readers have found it difficult to get into. But it works really well for me in their SPN fic...gives it the flavor of oral story telling as might actually happen at a drifter’s camp (with one story written exactly as such). Be warned this particular fic does play up the idea of John Winchester being mentally abusive and Dean having to turn tricks when he was younger in order to support him and Sam, so there is some dark stuff. But as someone who grew up with mentally abusive parent, reading this was extremely cathartic to me and believably written (unlike some stories that go too over the top with abusive John, or just don't understand how that kind of abuse leaves lifetime psychological scars.)

The rest of this round’s recs below the cut.

Carnevale by DeanRH (18k) - Actually the first fic by this author I read, because I just couldn’t resist a story set in my favorite place in the world, Venice, Italy. Castiel is the Angel of Venice, banished there for so long he does not even know or remember the reasons why. But Carnevale season is the one time a year he can let his wings out - figuratively and literally. And during this particular Carnevale season, he meets an intriguing masked young American tourist there with his brother and their one night stand turns into something far more powerful than either expected. This one’s hot, romantic, and achingly sad at the end as it all ties together unexpectedly with canon-verse...though with a hint for the future so it’s definitely not totally sad. I loved how DeanRH clearly understands Venice as a fellow lover of the city, the side of it most tourists never see unless they spend a long time there. This story made me cry just from wanting to be back in Venice again.

Ice cream was sweeter, food more satisfying, everything was an epicurean delight. There was just something magical about Venice, and he had lived here in the city for hundreds of years, so the shine should have worn off by now.

But it didn't, and there was always something more, something wonderful to discover around the next corner. The painted eaves of a church. The beauty of two women dancing with flowers in their teeth across the Piazza San Marco one day, overcome by the sheer joy of just being there. The way the university students still created Venetian masks, like Castiel's extravagant volto mask and Dean's humble servetta muta, with crafts that had been handed down across the generations. The morning silence that lay against the stones.

Hard Landing by DeanRH (26.9k) - A bit similar in theme to Carnevale. A pre-series Dean and Sam are sight-seeing in Spain when an angel, struck by a babel-spell, crash lands right in front of Dean. A strange yet seriously hot encounter with the angel turns into something much more complicated when the brothers return home and realize something more serious is afoot and they are both trapped in the middle of it. This is another story where things are very much not as they seem at first (as fun as that is!) It features master strategist Cas at his best, with a side helping of delightful trickery care of Gabriel and Balthazar as they deal with Lucifer, Michael...and a few others along the way.

The Sacred Band of Thebes by DeanRH (14.5k) - The last DeanRH fic I’m gonna allow myself to include in this round up, because it’s just very soft and sweet and beautiful - for a story about Dean & Cas being magically transported back in time to ancient Sparta! This is another story infused with a great knowledge of place and history, with some wonderfully delightful original characters added in that make it all the more enjoyable to read.

And now on to some other authors, I promise!

IPAMIS OL OLPRIT by emmbrancsxx0 (56k). A really wonderful fic that take a different look at what might have happened with a temporarily resurrected John Winchester during Season 14. Dean & Cas are in an established relationship here, and John here isn’t too happy about it — though mostly because he sees Cas (and Jack) as monsters, the kind of monsters he spent his lifetime hunting. This is a great fic for the emotional complexity of how John, Dean and Cas are all handled. John isn’t a cardboard evil dad, Dean is struggling between his loyalty to his father and to Cas, and Cas is increasingly bitchy/frustrated at Dean still being so desperate for his father’s approval (and all the more complex for not just being a quietly suffering perfect supporting boyfriend.) There’s some great action sequences in this too along with the emotional angst and a delicious dose of hurt!Cas if that’s your thing (as it is for me :D)

Abrenuntio by Neonbat (51k). A very dark but compelling AU take on the/a apocalypse universe. Dean, Sam and John are all alive in this post-angel war-apocalyptic world. They are part of a group of human survivors fighting against the angel army when they manage to capture “Blue” — a particularly feared angel of death. Dean is tasked with bringing Blue in for interrogation and he becomes a prisoner in their camp after John is killed. As mentioned, this is a pretty dark/sad fic (with some rather gruesome torture scenes) but I still found it quite compelling as a look at how things could have gone in some other parallel universe. And somehow the author manages to make the Dean/Cas relationship come together despite them starting out as complete enemies. This is one of those AUs that works for me because the core of the characters really shine through despite the differences in the setting.

if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee (37k) - a gorgeous post-Empty rescue fic that takes an approach I haven’t really seen explored in detail before (despite being something I’ve actually thought about as something that could’ve happened.) What if Cas has spent so long denying himself happiness, and then trapped in regrets and false-rescue scenarios created by the Empty, that he can’t trust that his rescue is real? And so he runs off to be on his own - literally stealing the Impala because he can’t handle being in Dean’s presence one moment longer - and only slowly comes to terms with the idea that it’s over now and he can be happy with/around his friends and family. This one’s both deliciously angsty and at times funny/sweet, looking at Cas’s relationships not just with Dean but with Sam, Jack, Claire, even Eileen. It does some fun stuff with other returned angels and demons who now find themselves back on Earth (and human), and...I just really enjoyed this one a lot.

Both Saved and Lost by angelfishofthelord (13.7k) Gen Cas character study, absolutely gorgeous and sad and one of those fic I couldn’t stop thinking about the day after reading it. AU where Apocaverse!Cas isn’t immediately killed by our Cas during 13x22 but instead hitches a ride back to the main ‘verse. Dean and Sam want to keep him alive for information on Michael; Cas is torn and trying to figure out just how similar—or different—they really are. Some great angel stuff here (I also highly recommend this author’s Jack & Cas “dadstiel” fics, they’re equally lovely and heartbreaking at the same time.)

flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k) - THEE “What exactly did Dean eat in Purgatory, anyway?” fic you’ve probably already heard about. *cough* I’ve been trying to work up the courage to read this one for a while and finally gave in and OH MY CHUCK I’m so glad I did. It’s perversely disturbing and beautiful at the same time, Cas is wonderfully DERANGED and ALIEN in that way that I love it when fics managed to convey just how much angels are NOT human. Do heed the tags.

Full of Grace by ilovehowyouletmefall (11k) - Another one for the weird-as-fuck-angel!Cas lovers’ list. Heaven/canon-compliant fic where Dean knows he should feel happy and at peace but he just...isn’t, even with Cas and all of his friends and family there. He finally goes looking for Cas when he’s been absent for a time and, for the first time, gets to not just see but experience his true form. Another one that hits some kinks I knew I had and others I didn’t...until now. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

don't ask me where i've been by saltwound / @1x06 (8k) - I can never resist a good 09x06 fiction gap fic! What makes this one really stand out is how well it captures Cas’s internal voice - his struggles adapting to human senses, limitations and emotions versus what/how he experienced things as an angel. The longing and feelings between Dean & Cas here are so achingly beautiful and I just wanted to cry when Cas says he misses hearing Dean’s prayers, so Dean, he...oh, I’m not going to spoil it. *happy sigh* Just read it.

this room is wrong by DarkHeartInTheSky (12k) - Sometimes I like torturing myself with some good 15x03 divorce arc angst and this fic hit that button just so. It’s an alternative take on where Cas might have ended up after leaving the bunker and features some great Cas & Sam friendship feels, when Sam sets out to try to bring Cas home. It’s all the stuff you’d wish the writers would’ve let them talk out in canon.

Well that’s more than enough for this round! Go forth, read and give some great writers some kudos & comment love!

[partangel]

OK so i was here sitting, thinking about post apocalyptic settings and anyone who has ever been in contact with me for more than some minutes knows that i adore the concept of the land reclaiming whats hers in a sort of *conceited voice* eco brutalistic way. ill literally walk anywhere and see a building torn down with moss growing and ill waver behind it and say "that reminds me so much of nier". which is, in my humble opinion, a beautiful, beautiful game with incredible imagery and a gripping story. i think nier perfectly represents hope as something malleable and manipulated into existing. and it portrays a world in which humanity's life remnants are so profoundly embedded into the worlds last living... well, lets say, man made consciousness that it is impossible to have hope in the survival of earth if you do not believe humanity is still alive. i dont think im literate enough to ever jot down clearly and wisely what grips me into the nier automata universe, but it was the medium that made me understand my particular niche of what i do find engrossing in post apocalyptic fiction - when humanity is not present, but its absence does not equal to disappearence. its a lot more substantial than that... its absence as something significant and structured and that takes up space in what is left of the world. i do not find the survival of few capable humans a compelling or gripping tale.

BUT i reiterate, because recently i found something that actually engrossed me just as much as nier did, except it wasnt anything particular - it was imagery of a scene of a movie i actually found dauntingly plain and horrid. for some context in january i was looking for a good old sunday movie... and it was playing on tv the maze runner (1) so i invited my boyfriend and my little sister and we saw it together. i had seen the maze runner previously as a 14 year old or something so i did not find anything striking in the first one. no. but then next sunday came and i couldnt find anything to watch so i watched the second which was even worse with the exception: it had a party. an end of the world, drug frenzied party. the scene itself was barely 5 minutes but it stroke me as exactly what would happen if the world did end. if theres no hope, if theres no future, if theres nothing else for us and surely no future generation, its only feasible that humanity would crumble in and on itself into a hopeless cycle of indulgence. and i mean, its as everyone says, things only grip you if you can envision them happening. i can surely confirm that id be the first to put my feet into a post apocalyptic party whose main motto can be simplified as: its the end of the world, why not pop EVERY pill? i dont know what it is but the motifs... all the music and the ambiance and the people being so moody and hopeless and dying. i was instantly enamored with it.

but i also self analyzed a bit and i think this is also a warning to my own fractured self that can only envision humanity either falling into hopeless vices or disappearing completely. which is very worrying but alas im not particularly optimistic myself!

[writingquestionsanswered]

I’m having some trouble figuring out what I want to do with the plot of my book... so at first I wanted to have a revolution/rebellion based story but then I noticed that that is sort of overdone and overused, especially in YA...

Figuring Out a Plot for Your Novel

There are so many great books, particularly in YA, about revolutions/rebellions--but that’s the problem, there are sooooo many of them. And as much fun as these stories are, there are a lot of problems with them, most notably the fact that it’s never convincingly realistic that all these adults with decades of experience in leadership, politics, and the military would fall in line behind a 16-year-old whose only qualification to lead is a prophecy, birthmark, defiant act, or some other reason they bumbled into. 

So, what are some alternatives? Well, that depends on exactly what you want to write...

1) Age Category: Are you writing for kids, middle grade, YA, or adults? The age of your target audience will certainly influence what you choose to write about.

2) Genre: Plot and genre go hand-in-hand. Do you want to write contemporary fiction, fantasy, science fiction, urban fantasy, romance, adventure/thriller, mystery/crime, supernatural, horror/suspense, dystopian/post-apocalyptic, historical fiction, literary fiction?

3) Sub-genre: Every genre has a sub-genre, and that will also affect your plot. For example, if you’re writing fantasy, are you writing high fantasy, low fantasy, dark fantasy, urban fantasy, fairy tales, superhero fiction, steampunk?

4) Core Conflict: Most genres and sub-genres have a bunch of core conflicts that are common, such as rebellion/revolution showing up a lot in YA fantasy and YA dystopian. Once you know your genre and sub-genre, you can do a little research to find out what core conflicts are common for that genre and sub-genre. Are there any that seem less common to you? Is there a way you can take a common core conflict and twist it around in a new way? In my book that’s out, I chose to subvert the rebellion idea by focusing on an underground political revolution that my protagonist didn’t start, but was brought into, and instead of having her lead it or effect the most change, I gave her an important role but made it clear that she was a small part of a much bigger movement.

5) Your Character and Their Story: Once you’ve decided on a core plot and how you’re going to make it fresh, you can start to think about who your main character is, what their “normal life” is like, and what sort of thing--related to that core conflict--turns their life upside down and forces them to take action by pursuing a particular goal. The goal your character chooses to pursue, the reason they choose to pursue it, the antagonist/antagonistic force that stands in the way of their success, their struggle to overcome the resulting obstacles placed in their path, and the final showdown where they overcome the antagonist/antagonistic force once and for all... that’s your plot. That’s what a story is all about. 

And it’s important to remember that every one of these points doesn’t have to be some colossal event. Your character’s goal doesn’t have to be saving the world or restoring the rightful king to his throne.Their motivation doesn’t have to be selfless or benevolent. The antagonist doesn’t have to be a “bad guy” or even a sentient being... it could be an overprotective parent, natural disaster, or disease. Obstacles don’t have to be bloody battles or dramatic flights with the antagonist in hot pursuit. The final showdown doesn’t have to be an epic battle or a fight to the death. Your story could be about a high school student (protagonist) who craves transformation (internal conflict), which he thinks he’ll get on a summer trip to Paris (motivation), so he resolves to get straight As so his parents will let him go on said trip (goal), but he ends up falling in love with his tutor who inadvertently distracts him from studying (distraction is the antagonistic force here, or you could say the tutor for being the source of the distraction), making each test and project more difficult to pass (obstacles), and that forces him to double down and pass a particularly hard exam (climax/showdown) so he can get all As and go to Paris, with his new boyfriend, as it turns out (happy ending.) 

My Plot & Story Structure post master list has more posts that will help you get your plot all sorted out. Good luck!!! ♥

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[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Rose Red’s All Hallows Eve: Hush Little Bird

Summary- 5.1k Curtis Everett x You. Your boyfriend got you tickets to a charity Haunted House, and the special features include immersed scenes from the movie of your choice. Once you hear that the one and only Curtis Everett from Snowpiercer is a part of the choices, you just have to go. Prepare for a night of apocalyptic fun! 

Warnings- Blood/Brutal Killing. I hate to spoil it, but children are killed in this chapter, so please if that bothers you, bypass this chapter. Non Con. Swearing. Violence. Anger/Aggression. Forced Feeding. 

A/N- Written for @jtargaryen18 Haunted House 2020. This is a 3 chapter story that will be posted within a few days of one another. Be sure to read the warnings for each chapter. The page dividers were made by @firefly-graphics​ , I highly suggest checking out her work, its really excellent and a bit of everything to choose from. The manor described in this story, Rose Red, is a piece of work from Stephen King, and I highly suggest watching the tv mini series, if you can find it. Perfect for this time of year. Special thanks to @what-is-your-plan-today​ for being my Beta in this project. Happy Reading and Haunting! 😈🎃 

Chapter One / Rose Red’s All Hallows Eve Masterlist

“I don’t know what Wilford was thinking Little Bird, sending you back to me with this innocent act of yours. But don’t worry I will make you sing.”

The cheers and jeers echoed off the walls as Curtis dragged you through the car. You tried your best to break from his hold, your feet slipping in the blood, half falling over bodies but Curtis didn’t pay you any heed, you were nothing to him you realized as he seemed to believe you were from the front end.

“You don’t understand, I’m not from up in the front, I have nothing to do with Wilford.” you protested once more as Nam squatted before a panel. Just as Curtis reached it, the door swung open to reveal an empty car, various sleeping bunks scattered around as if they’d been vacated in a hurry.

“Close the door.” Curtis turned and ordered Nam, who nodded and set to get it to shut again and you realized in horror what this meant. As terrified as you were of all those people, you didn’t want to be left alone with Curtis. 

“No, no please! God I will tell you anything you want, not this.” You tried pleading with him as the whoosh of air behind you signaled the door shut, closing you in with Curtis. “Please… I really don’t know anything.”

His hand released its hold on you and you backed away, trying to put space between the pair of you. His cold eyes remained on your face for a second before he broke the stare.

“Wilford sent you to me for a reason. Why?” once again he seemed to inspect you up and down, stalking in closer, and you regretted now backing towards the door. It left you nowhere to go as your back pressed up against it shivering at the intense chill burning through your shirt. You knew you had to try again, try to make him see that you weren’t from the front end, but how? Curtis planted his right hand on the door beside your head and a knuckle from his left dragged down the side of your face. 

“I know you’re lying Little Bird, what did you do that pissed off Wilford so much he banished you into my care? Or are you spying for him?” His eyes narrowed as the soft gentle touch turned painful when he took hold of your cheek in his fingers. “Lie, and I'm willing to carve out your tongue. You can still be useful without one.” 

You swallowed at that, licking your lips nervously which seemed to amuse Curtis all the more. You shifted from one foot to another as you fought to find your voice. “What do you want to know?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper. He wasn’t going to believe you, and you were running out of options in this fun house of fucking hell at this point so you tried to change tactics, see if there was anything you could do to appease him.

“Exactly what I have been asking for, why Wilford sent you to me.” Curtis released your cheek so you could talk properly. And then you knew you were going to have to lie, it was all you had left. 

“Okay Curtis, Okay.” You whimpered a bit and lifted your arm to wipe at your face, trying to spin a tale he would believe. “I worked for Wilford, in the engine. But I can’t do it anymore, I tried to get sent into the greenhouses, make myself useful in other ways. Wilford wasn’t having it, he claimed I betrayed him wanting to leave him.” you took in a shuddering breath, praying that he believed it. He seemed to since he didn’t interrupt you. 

“He said if I can't be grateful, then I belong at the tail end.” you finished and held an anticipated breath. Curtis’ gaze seemed to go darker, a smirk as cold as the air around you. 

“Wilford’s personal girl huh?” he sneered and seemed to step in closer, caging you in further till he was pressed against you. “You're so warm, and it has been a long time.” 

You couldn’t help the sharp inhale rising your chest or the shake of your head as you realized what he was implying. “I wasn’t like that Curtis, no…” 

He snarled as he shoved his knee between your thighs roughly, making you spread them and he cocked his head as you whimpered in fear. “What makes you think at this moment I care?” 

Dawning came over you and with an almost instinctive reaction you screamed, trying to get off his leg but his hand was heavy on your face, the slap stunning you as he pulled away enough to yank your pants open and down enough to expose you to him. He spun you enough so your chest and cheek pressed against the train's wall, your scream dying into a sob as your tears carved tracks down your blood streaked face, the cold of the steel burning your overheated cheek. You knew it was pointless at this time to even beg him not to, but you still tried. Curtis Everett was a good man in the film, surely there had to be something of that left…

 “Please don't do this Curtis. You're not like this. I know you're not.”  

“You know nothing about me Girl.” he growled against the back of your head. “Hush Little Bird, it will probably be quicker than with Wilford, like I said, it’s been a while.”

You heard the tugging of clothing from behind, and his erection pressed against your backside and you resigned yourself to your fate.

Think of anything else, anything else.

You tried to think of mornings with Bryce, hanging with Stacey at the beach, your grandparent’s anniversary. But Curtis just overwhelmed you from behind, feeling him everywhere at once, and your legs shook with the threat that you were going to collapse. But he had you pinned, his weight feeling like it was crushing you into the side of the train. You heard him spit on his fingers and moments later they delved into your folds, stroking with precision and intent. Rough pads of calloused fingertips grazed your sensitive areas, and you clenched your thighs as much as possible in an attempt to fight him off, but to no avail. A few quick strokes between your folds as his heavy chest pressed against your back pinning you in place, you could feel the groan rolling through him as his fingers sunk into you. “So wet and tight Girl, I haven't felt this in so long.”

You choked a sob against the wall, trying not to make any satisfied noises at those strokes, he was thicker than Bryce was, even seemed to be able to find your sensitive spot, cause when he ran fingertips over you, you sighed and gyrated your hips for the fiction. 

“Ahhh, that's a pretty whore” he started to work you faster till you were so close, and he pulled his fingers away. Sucking them clean with pleasure while you tried to regain your composure. 

“I told you, I'm not Wilford’s whore.” You tried one more time, and Curtis slammed you against the wall hard enough to knock your air from your lungs in pain. 

“He wouldn't let anything as sweet as you be anything other than his whore. I know, I just tasted you.” 

Shifting your legs wider opened, he pressed the thick head of his cock against you, and started to inch into you, slowly. He seemed to relish the way your pussy swallowed him, both of you drawing in heavy dragging breaths for your own reasons. You tried to adjust to the fullness feeling, tilting your hips to relieve the pressure and he couldn't get over the way you were gripping him, flexing. 

“So fucking tight, and I can feel you taking me easily.” He hissed in your ear, and thrust his hips against you, grinding himself till you were gasping. A hand pressed against your stomach, and feeling his bulge deep at this angle. “Feel me so deeply Little Bird? I told you I’m going to make you sing.”

You noticed that he wouldn't properly kiss your neck, but he gave sucking nips up and down the column, his strokes precise and deep as he dragged his cock through you, still pressing that hand against your stomach till it dropped to cup your mound, rolling your clit with a steadiness you envied, because it was driving you crazy. 

“Come on now…” he panted slightly in your ear “You know you want this…”

“No, you're wrong, I don't. I swear!” You mewled a bit, causing him to chuckle behind you, filling you again in that way you couldn't stop the soft cry falling from you, wanting to plead again. 

“Just like that, give me that again.” Curtis hissed and aimed for that sweet spot of yours, having found it once. You bit your lip, fisting your hands against the train as you tried to hold back, but you couldn't. You couldn't stop the moans now falling from you to match his grunts the more he sped up, croaking out his name. “Fuck, Curtis… please.” 

“Thatta girl, come on.” He pressed against your clit further and the sensation lancing through you from his fingers, coupled with his controlled thrusts, had you cumming on his cock, the pleasure mixing with your shame at how your body had betrayed you made the rush more intense then you've ever experienced, the tingling shooting from your toes all the way up your spine. The slap of his hips against your ass told you he was chasing his own end, and a few deep thrusts later you felt the warmth flood you as his load shot into you, his weight crushing you into the train door. You could barely breathe while you tried pressing your hands against the wall enough to lift the two of you off. 

“Curtis, please, I can't breathe.” you whined a bit as tears fell down your face, and he shifted behind you with a grunt, pulling away, which you dragged air back into your lungs. 

After he pulled out, and his hands slid along your quivering hips and pulled your pants back up with a yank, he turned you around to face him once again. His hand cupped your face and dragged a thumb through the tears staining under your eyes and down your cheeks. You could smell yourself on him, on his fingers and your eyes fell down in shame as you could feel his scanning over your face. He reached up, his fingers biting into the sides of your cheeks as he gripped your face, tilting it up to look at him.

“Listen to me, you stick by my side, get me up to the front, you’re free to go.” He dropped his hand from your face and stepped back, tucking his now limp cock back into his pants. “You betray me because you’re secretly working for fucking Wilford and I will make sure you don't survive the end of this. Understand me?” He looked you up and down, shaking his head at your outfit. “Still can’t believe that bastard sent you here without any warm clothing.”

At that he glanced around the car you were in, which was bare for the most part as it was a sleeper car. Meticulously, Curtis started going through bunks, pulling up blankets, shoving around people's personal stuff looking for clothing. Trying to fix your shirt, you cleared your throat. “Curtis I can get you to the front, I know all that is ahead. I just want off the train.” 

He grabbed a large coat and shook it out, looking it over and placing it over his arm before sorting through more items, picking up a couple pairs of sneakers next, dirty but still usable. “Off the train? That's a death wish. More than you telling Wilford you didn't want to be his girl anymore.” 

“I wasn't-” You started but Curtis tossed you the jacket and sneakers he found, growling out. 

“I told you not to lie, m’kay? Don't make me have to remind you. I'm not an idiot. Put them on and let's continue.” his hand turned into a fist and banged against the door. “Nam, open back up.” You were tugging and closing the jacket with a sigh of relief. It wasn't warm, but at least it blocked some of the chill. The door sprang open, and your eyes lifted to see disappointed eyes and scowling faces that you were still alive. Curtis pointed at you. “Our ticket to the front. No one, and I mean NO ONE LAYS A FINGER ON HER.” 

After Curtis was satisfied everyone agreed, his cold eyes turned on you and arched his brow. “You said you know what was next, fill us in. Remember, you’re lying, it's all over.” He came up to you, and shackled your wrist in his hand, his fingers closed around and squeezed till you swore the bones were going to snap while yanking you into his side. Unprepared, you stumbled over your own feet and landed against him, trying to right yourself. “You are to stay by my side.” 

You wracked your mind trying to remember the movie. You paused for a second, thinking…and then remembered that after the fight, they cleaned up. “Water, next is water.” you blurted out “And there will be no one in there right now.” You hoped, fuck you hoped, that was right cause the look Curtis gave you promised to cut your head off if you were wrong.

Nam squatted before the door, and worked on prying the panel off. Soon it whooshed open to show you were right, Curtis pushed you back towards Gilliam, while the rest went forward to wash up. Gilliam looked you up and down for a moment from dirty glasses, and a hand grabbed your wrist to pull you in close. 

“You say anything to Curtis that he doesn't want to hear, it won't end well for you.” He warned and you yanked your wrist back to you, your eyes narrowing at him with distrust. You were about to hiss back you knew that he was working with Wilford, ready to betray Curtis when your jaw snapped shut. But what else did he know? If you were to say something, he might just have Curtis kill you to keep his secret. Plus Curtis thinks you're nothing more than a disgraced front ender at the moment, where Gilliam was his mentor. At this point, you know Curtis wouldn’t give a second thought killing you off if you are becoming a problem. Giving into Gilliam, you give a slight nod in understanding, now feeling like you were betraying Curtis yourself.  Your eyes darted back to Curtis who was ushering people into the water to wash off and you knew saying anything against Gilliam would probably result in your demise. 

It wasn't long till Curtis gathered a small group to continue on, you once more latched to his side with a grip that you thought might snap your bones. You stumbled onward alongside. “What’s next?” 

“Uh, the greenhouse.” You stutter and as you two enter you are blasted with the first feeling of warm air that actually settled beyond your skin. “And the next is a large aquarium”. Feeling more confident as you descend through the tropical heat, the others in your ragtag group couldn't hold back from exploring. But Curtis looked at nothing, focused on one thing only-getting to the door. The next barrier opened to a bright glow of blue pouring out of the now open door. Everyone's heads fell back, eyes upwards to look in amazement at the fish darting overhead, jellyfish shimmering in the lower sections, what looked like might be stingrays with large flapping wings gliding through the water. Even you couldn't help admiring the fish overhead. Curtis paid it all a momentary glance before leading you towards what looked like a bar. Sitting down, he took the seat next to you and the host immediately started making some sushi. Your eyes gazed down as your stomach clenched, oddly enough you started to feel hungry. 

How the fuck were you hungry? You felt guilty for that. Stacey, who was lying lifeless on the floor, empty eyes staring at nothing now, all because you dragged her to what should have been a charity event and you were fucking hungry. Nevertheless, as the host pushed a plate in front of you, you considered eating but were spared the decision as a dirty hand reached over and took it away from you. You were caught in surprise when Curtis passed it over to Tonya. You looked up at him, questioningly…and then as you recalled the events of the film you inwardly groaned as you knew what was coming.

“I don’t think so.” Reaching in his jacket pocket, he yanked out a black, gelatinous bar holding it up for you to see. “Here, this is your food. Since you joined the tail end, might as well act like one of us. You have years to catch up on.” He tossed it at you while your stomach rolled, and he watched you with amusement, a cold smirk playing as you looked at it in horror. You knew exactly what it was, and he did too. There was no way you were going to eat it. 

“No, I'm not hungry.” You tossed it back at him, and his expression changed from amused to rage as he snapped out of his seat, hauling you up by the back of your coat and grabbing the block, shoving it in your face even as you tried twisting away. 

“Gotta keep up your strength Little Bird.” His words bit just as much as his fingers digging into your cheeks to have your mouth pry open. “We spent 17 years shoving this shit in our mouths while you had what, Sushi, Steak, fucking fruits and vegetables?” 

You swore your teeth cracked under his hold, and your jaw popped when he wrenched it open shoving the gelatin block into your mouth and using the heel of his hand to snap your jaw shut around it. His hand smothered against your mouth, locking it shut while his other hand held the back of your head to keep you in place. Your hands tried slapping at him, but he had you twisted just enough away from him, that it was all useless.

“Swallow your shit or choke on it, either way works for me.” His hiss burned your ear, and in his rage he ended up biting your neck and you squealed in shock and pain while choking on the bar that had long since turned from gelatin to a slosh in your mouth. Swallowing it and choking behind his hand, Curtis released you to collapse, landing on your knees and palms, coughing and gasping while he went back to the sushi bar. The rest of the people there had ignored the whole exchange. When Curtis sat back down, he took an offered plate, picking up a piece of sushi carefully, and popped it in his mouth. You push yourself up to stand, wiping the drool off your chin and lips, glaring at him now. Only once did his gaze snap to you while he chewed his sushi and he bore no look of remorse on his face. 

“Everyone finished up?” Curtis brushed his filthy hands together like he was cleaning them, and grasped the ax he had been carrying with him, turning towards you. “Come on, what's in the next car and what do we expect?” His eyes narrowed suspiciously, and you wracked your brain while shuffling back to him slowly, trying to give yourself time. 

“Food, Meat. It's a meat locker. It’s safe.” You finally remember, glancing at the host behind the sushi bar, but he merely looks at you disinterested as he's cleaning up the leftovers. Curtis grabbed a hold of you and tucked you back into his side, giving Nam a nod to get the door open. You were confident that this was safe. It was the next one you had to warn him about. Once the door opened and you all started to march in, a feeling of dread settled deeper in your chest. Large hanging racks of beef swayed back and forth, chickens hung off the wall, and the freezing cold of the car sucked the air from your lungs. There was light chatter from the others, mostly marveling at the fact that meat still existed. 

But you weren't paying attention to that, you were focusing on your footfalls compared to Curtis’s long strides to get you all through, trying to dodge around the frozen man sized beef slabs hanging, and your eyes darted around, pulling in closer to your captor. “Curtis? Somethings not right.” you started to warn when a blade from seemingly out of nowhere went swinging at your head causing you to jerk yourself back out of instinct against the hard wall of muscle that made up Curtis. You knocked him off kilter enough so the sudden swinging blade missed him by inches, sparks falling down on the two of you from the brutal hit of metal on steel. At first you just saw the machete coming for you, as you tried to push away from it. Beyond that was a man similar to when you first got on the train. His all black protective gear blending him into the car's darker shadows. Curtis managed to shove you away while you scrambled across the frozen floor to get behind him as best as you could while more men came out of hiding from the back of the car, darting around the slabs of frozen beef.. Curtis raised his own ax and swung it down in a quick swoop, hitting your attacker on the leg, sinking it into the muscle below the knee, making him collapse. But that certainly wasn't the last as more came out of hiding, surging to destroy each other. You try to keep close to Curtis, your mind screaming ‘This wasn't what happened. Fuck Fuck Fuck.’ 

Pulling yourself to a stand using a side of beef, you could see the tail ender group starting to get overwhelmed and crowded closer to the door. Well those that were left that is, as once again for the second time since you had arrived, bodies were scattered around the floor. Granted, there was more of them dead than there were of Curtis’s group, but the tail enders were still outnumbered. Nam managed to squat next to the panel and pried off, yanking out wires in a haste to get them out of there, while Curtis swung the ax trying to keep them back far enough to let Nam work. His gaze turned towards you accusingly. “Safe huh?” 

The rage in his eyes spoke of ill-boding for you, and your head shook back and forth. “It was supposed to be Curtis, I don't know what happened.”

At that point, your back slammed against the wall, something biting in between your shoulders and you twist away from it, spinning around on your feet to see what it was, a key sticking out of the train's wall. Rolling your eyes up, you can see the track to move the slabs of beef to the front to collect, and deduce that it must be the key to turn the track on. Not hesitating, you flicked it on, the gears above you squeaking for half a second. You had turned it on full power, and the meat shot forward with force, slamming into the militant men. They fell forward from the force and sheer size of the frozen meat, stumbling and losing their footing on the icy floor. Curtis and several others dropped their axes on the downed people, the surprise giving enough of a chance to level the outcome.  

The door whooshed open and the happy singing of children filled the car as behind you, the screams and cursing started to die down once more. 

“Excuse me!” a petite blonde stood in the doorway, her hands to her hips, and beyond her were a load of children peeking around her, seeming to be un-phased at the rag tag survivors or the bodies scattered at their feet. You flick off the key to stop the track, the gears winding down and creaking to a stop, the frozen beef swaying back and forth as everyone stared at each other, your group all in shock as the adrenaline highs pumped through you all. The woman and kids, if anything, looked annoyed at being disrupted. Your nerves are jarred, since you recall this section of the movie, but would it be different this time? The meat locker certainly was.

Curtis glanced at you, mistrust in his gaze at you, and you could feel a sinking feeling in your gut. “It's dangerous Curtis.” You said low enough just for him to hear. “The eggs, the man who brings the eggs is dangerous. It's a way to smuggle in weapons.” 

His face just looked confused at what you were babbling to him, jerking you forward to weave forward. Curtis hold on you was painful, vibrating his anger. “Shut your mouth. I told you what would happen if you were lying, maybe I will roll your tongue out on one of these desks and cut it off.” 

Your jaw clamped shut, praying he didn't mean it. The teacher snapped her fingers to get the group’s attention, drawing herself up. “If you're coming into my classroom, don't be so disruptive. I’m teaching a class here.” 

Curtis brushed past her, looking at all the cheery children who had made their way back to their desks, falling into an eerie upbeat hum as they settled back down. “We were just having our music lesson.” The teacher clapped along happily. Edgar, somehow still alive, sidled up to Curtis, looking uncomfortable. “Creepy little bastards, aren't they?”

You stayed silent, but had to agree. They opened their desks in unison, faces hidden behind the blocks of wood while their teacher put on a smile in a sing-song voice. “Okay children, let's greet our guests properly. What would we do if our tail end friends come up to see us?” 

“We welcome them with a song and cheer.” The kids chanted, faces still hidden from everyone. You pressed in closer to Curtis, the tension in the air feeling at a snapping point. 

The teacher turned towards the pair of you, her hands clasped together and pressed to her mouth as if she was overcome with happiness and joy. “They are all so cute aren't they?” 

And no sooner had she said that, all the desks snapped shut, each child wearing a homemade mask, clutching scissors in their tiny hands. 

Once again, you were wrong. This was vastly different from the film as all the kids changed from humming to singing the song, the Wilford song, leaping from their desks, swarming over Tonya who had been still standing in the aisle. You watched in horror as they started stabbing her over and over with their scissors, singing as they plunged scissors in her chest of the shocked woman. “What happens if the engine stops? WE ALL FREEZE AND DIE.” Blood arched in the air, one of them must have hit an artery, or simply the sheer force of the kids motions. Tonya barely put up a fight, clearly overwhelmed by the multitude of children clinging to her, stabbing over and over as she sunk out of sight underneath them all. Curtis in surprise released you to sweep the horde of children off with a swing of the broad side of the ax, and like a pack of apes, they regrouped and loped along to attack again, leaping onto grown men and women, a bunny, a fox, a bear, all trying to sink their scissors into bodies.

“But when it stops or will it stop?” the teacher chanted, having scuttled to her piano when the kids first broke loose. The kids kept getting kicked back, their eyes glazed behind their masks, and their grins matching the militia groups.

“What are we supposed to do?” Edgar kicked at another kid who broke loose from the pack of masks, slicing his scissors at his thigh before Edgar’s foot pushed against his chest. “Kill the kids?”

It was wrong, you could see Curtis didn’t want to bloody his ax with a child. Another broke loose and weaved around Curtis to leap on you, scrambling up your front while sinking the scissors into the back of your shoulder, singing in your face. “NO NO! CAN YOU TELL US WHY?” The pain wasn’t anything you’ve ever experienced before, sharp hot heat tearing into your shoulder, and the girl gave a sweet innocent smile while giving a yanking twist before pulling out the scissors to sink in again.

You tried wrenching the little girl off you, gasping in pain as she kept screaming in your face to the song, yanking the scissors out and stabbing again in almost the same spot. “THE ENGINE IS ETERNAL YES, THE ENGINE IS FOREVER YES!” You did what you could to dislodge the girl from your chest, your hands turned into fists and hitting them against her when a thud crushed her body into yours, and the malicious child's eyes turned into surprise and pain before she was yanked off you. Curtis shook his ax to dislodge the girl from the end of his blade and your hand went to your shoulder, grasping the sunk to the hilt scissors and yanked, screaming out when you felt it slide from your shoulder. 

“Rumble rumble, rattle rattle, Who is the reason why?” The piano still playing, the teacher singing her heart out while her students started to be killed off, Curtis no longer letting guilt because they were children get in the way. Your hand still was fisted around the scissors, and the singing, the singing was driving you insane among all the chaos. At the last lyric, the teacher flung her head back, now singing alone as the last of the children were cornered and massacred. “Wilford Ya! Wilford hip hooray!!!” 

“Shut up bitch!” you screamed from behind her, and stabbed the scissors right into her neck where you could see the pulse fluttering, her hand coming up to grab your wrist, gasping as her artery squirted blood across the room, layers of fresh blood sprayed among all the dried on your clothing from earlier. Shocked at your actions, you released the scissor handle while she slumped forward to bang her head on the keys, making a musical note which resounded through the now silent cart. You were panting through a panic attack now, at how crazy this all was, and Curtis whipped you around to face him, snarling at you. 

“Snap out of it Little Bird, cause we're not done yet.” 

His words did nothing to calm you, at all. You continued to struggle for air as you realized that whilst you knew roughly what lay ahead, you’d been wrong now for two carts in a row.

And you weren’t sure how much more you could handle.