#and one is a thin white man and the other is Lizzo

[deathsmallcaps]

Whatever happened to not making fun of people’s vocal abilities?

Joe Biden, coherently and normally: I have three issues to speak about. First, the NATO conference went well. Second, the economy is back on track and inflation is down. Third, my proposal for a ceasefire in Gaza is moving forward. Any questions?

The media: Did You Know That You Are Old

[redhawtriot]

Sole Mates🦶❤️🦶 (Bakugou x Reader)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

This is the interactive story prompt that won by one vote!!!

I’ll try to update this as regularly as the last interactive series, but first I have to find a new poll website because I dont like OpinionStage anymore! So if you have any suggestions hit me up. 

Anyway, this chapter wont be one you can vote for, as it is just an introduction, but get ready for some tough, drama-filled decisions later on.

*Side note : ここ= “here” in Japanese (see if you get my reference lol)*

HnM 💕

Part 2

Part 1:

Hey, I dropped off Koko with my mom. You can pick her up at 6, right? I am really, really sorry, but there was something important that came up.

Your face contorted in slight disdain at the bright screen in your hands. You gave a sharp, disapproving sigh.

The clacking of your heels against the darkening city’s stained pavement worked to egg you on in your quick pace as you quickly swiped away from the text message’s notification.

The pager in your pocket continuously beeped on your side, whining for your attention as your neglectful eyes could only concentrate on your hoard of new emails in the device in your hands. The only thing that could break your concentration from your phone screen would be the occasional vibration from your other work phone.

The sounds of the city alongside these factors blended in horrifyingly well to give you the cacophony of your everyday life.

And you knew the beat of this song well. It was practically the only thing you have heard for the past six years: “7 to 5 Lady Boss with a Stressful Homelife” feat. Blistered feet, Unrealistic Deadlines, Overtime on Fridays, and Lizzo.

Even when you weren’t listening to it, it would stick to the corners of your mind and whisper to you, reminding you of it’s presence-- like you were sure to forget anytime soon.  Yeah, right.

But that’s okay-- you were on the verge of your “big break” so to speak. The company that you were working under was only a steppingstone to your success. You would soon find yourself with your own the company and metamorphosis from the Lady Boss to the Boss Boss. You would slip your grimey boss a two weeks notice and a “fuck you” to boot. You were so close.

It was an uphill battle for sure, but you had finally reached the curve at the top! You would just have to push through the next few weeks before you could finally see the horizon again.

Too bad you were about to get smacked square in the face and sent hurdling back downhill.

Literally.

A sudden explosion in front of you violently knocked into you and sent you flying off of your feet. You didn’t even have the ability to scream— the air was ruthlessly knocked out of you. As you roughly regained contact with the ground, you tried to steady yourself to no avail as you were thrashed down the scratchy concrete of the sidewalk.

The beat of your everyday life was rudely abrupted by the choir of shrill screams that surrounded you as others were also violently displaced from their everyday routines. 

You could hardly even focus on the chaos because damn your head hurt.

You tried to steady your sight on your surroundings, but the pounding in your head and pulsating throbs displaced throughout your body overwhelmed your senses and made it very difficult to focus on much else.

When your eyes could finally refocus, you found a blazing orange light unblur itself in front of you and turn into a raging inferno. You blinked a few times as a sticky substance dripped down your forehead and dared to once again obscure your vision.

That’s when you noticed a small child.

Your heart fell at the sight of his wailing form. These types of scenes only happen in movies, right? As your brain pounded against your skull that is exactly what it felt like-- like you were an observer watching a horror movie. Except you couldn’t cover your eyes at the scary parts.

You observed in absolute terror as a large chunk of debris dropped towards the baby boy’s crying, unsuspecting form, snapping you back into full consciousness. 

“Watch out!!” your own maternal instincts immediately numbed your body to any pain that you were going through and sent a jolt of determination into your legs as you sprung up. You sloppily threw yourself over toward the boy to act as a shield for his small frame; however, at the last moment, your saw a large, gloved hand reach out for him at the same time.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!” You heard a voice screech right before you loudly smacked your face into a hard object. Your cheek throbbed painfully as you fell to the ground again with the boy cradled protectively in your arms.

You looked up to see Ground Zero, a local hero in your prefecture, glaring at you, a red mark fading onto his cheek as well, “Do you have a fucking death wish or something?!” his hands furiously crackled at his sides, “I don’t need goddamnned extras in my way! Quit playing hero and get lost!” You could only blink at his barrage of verbal assaults.

Who the fuck was he talking to?! It certainly wasn’t you!

As your face shriveled in contempt, your eyes flashed over toward the boy in your arms for a moment before your mouth opened to tell arrogant Mr. Zero about his self. You had recently made a pinky promise to stop cursing in front of children, but surely this could be a fair exception.

However instead of the venom coated words you had meant, a shrill shriek flew out of your mouth as a searing pain tore at the bottom of your foot.

You gasped from the sudden intensity and instantly released the young boy from your clutches as your hands jumped down to your leg, tearing your snapped work heels off and casting them aside. You twisted your appendage up to face you and watched in horror as giant, red welts emerged deep from within your skin.

Did you step on something? No. This burns! The explosion must have set something on fire and your dumbass must have danced on the shit.

Fuck.

The pain seemed to be seeping deeper into your body with each agonizing throb. As the fire crawled up your leg, Ground Zero began joining you in your screams,

“WHAT THE FUCK IS ON MY FOOT?!” The idol screeched at you as he angrily ripped his boot off and tried to find the source of his pain. Through teary eyes you watched in horror as your name burned itself onto his sole. 

“I DIDN’T DO IT!” you protested, “IT’S ON MINE TOO, ASSHOLE!” you frantically flashed him the searing red letters that were growing on the bottom of your foot as well. They must be his name. Was this some kind of fucked up sequel to “Toy Story” that you hadn’t bothered on seeing?

The two of you then looked to the nervous, little boy who you had both jumped to save, “Oopsie…” he quietly cried, “Please, don’t tell my mommy! She is going to be so mad! I bonded someone again,” his small frame quivered relentlessly as he sobbed.

“BONDED?!” Ground Zero screeched, grabbing the front of the boys shirt and roughly yanking him toward him, “You did this!” he spat as more of a disgusting realization than a question. 

You reflexively reached out and smacked the mans hand away from the child, “Get the hell off of him!” you screamed as you held the boy close to you “What the fuck is your problem? He’s just a kid!” You threw all pinky swears out of the window at this point.

The furious man faltered in his angry demeanor for a moment as surprise flashed across his expression, but he quickly regained his persona as he deeply scowled at you. You matched the red-hot fire of his eyes with a glare of your own. You weren’t afraid of him. Superhero or not.

Tch. Yeah. “Hero.”

You couldn't stand “heroes” like him-- people who were so obviously more interested about their own image as a savior than actually caring about the people they saved. 

Suddenly the little boy in your arms began wildly fidgeting in your arms, his sudden movements sharply reminding you about the searing damages that you had incurred within the last few minutes. 

“Mommy!” He cried out as he freed himself from you and ran off into a nearby woman’s arms. 

She frantically welcomed him, “Shiro, baby! Oh my goodness!” she cried out.

Suddenly, you felt a heavy twinge of pain in your head, momentarily blurring your vision as everything began splitting off to form two. Your double vision only worsened as the woman’s fading voice continued to ring out, “Don’t run off like that! You gave me a heart attack.” You tried to blink your vision back to normal again but failed as everything began fading.

“S-shit...” you cursed under your breath before sliding down onto the pavement under you. You finally allowed your eyelids to shut as your body became heavily numb.

“Hey! You better explain what the fuck is wrong with my foot right now, lady!” you heard Ground Zero roar out, “START TALKIN’! What the fuck did he mean by “bonded”?!”

“Oh, my god... Oh my god,” The mother breathed heavily. Her voice became softer, and you couldn't tell if it was because your were slipping into unconsciousness or if she was moving father away. She continued speaking rapidly despite your disoriented confusion, “I-I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she simply replied, “Shiro, we have to go. N-now!”

"NO YOU DON’T! WHERE THE FUCK... do you think... you’re g...”

You heard a final thud before a warm blackness consumed your entire being.

Everything seemed to pause for just a few beats.

When you snapped your eyes open seemingly a moment later, a stark bright white light painfully filled your eyes causing you to abruptly snap them back shut. 

What the fuck. Where were you? 

You looked down at yourself an noticed a bright green gown. You frowned at the thin fabric. You never really were a fan of green...

Your face crinkled inwards as you absentmindedly toyed with the light fabric before a sudden realization smacked your clouded brain-- Oh! You were in a hospital!

Fuck!

Your memories quickly flooded into your brain after that epiphany and you frantically sat up, searching the plain, white room you were situated with crazed eyes. You weren't really sure what you had originally been searching for but found a wave of relief as you found your main cell phone situated in a nearby counter.

Oh, bless! You couldn’t have prayed for a better hospital visitor!

You quickly flipped the heavy fleece hospital blanket off of your legs and stretched your aching arms over to the device.  Your sole companion was heavily cracked but you could still make out most words as you desperately searched through your notifications. You had over a dozen missed texts and calls from one person. 

Hey, you never came to pick up Koko, are you okay?

Y/N? If you’re doing overtime, I just wish that you would say so.

Hey, you’re not answering the phone. I’m getting worried.

I have Koko now.

Where are you?!

Suddenly something in you snapped your attention away from your phone. You could feel it moving toward you, whatever it was. It felt as if it was an extension of your own being. Like your arm had wandered off to grab a drink at the shitty hospital cafeteria and was only just now returning to you. Startled, you threw a glance at yourself to check your body but found nothing missing.

The familiar presence finally entered the room, “HEY!” Ground Zero snapped as he roughly kicked the door open.

Startled, you pushed the hem of your gown as far down as possible in a futile attempt to cover you legs, “What do you think you—”

He loudly cut you off, “Something fucking weird is going on. That dumb brat must have fucked with us...” he angrily trailed off as he became deep in thought. Your nerves calmed themselves as you noticed that he was wearing a gown similar to your own before he stormed up to you and shoved his black phone screen in your face.

You confusedly stared at your reflection as he ordered you,“Look at your cheek,” he gruffly commanded. You didn’t have much of a choice as the black mirror was forced into your vision.

That was a nasty fucking bruise. Okay. You looked hideous. Is that what the asshole wanted you to see? You confusedly looked up at him and surprise befell you as you noticed that he was sporting a familiar grey mark on his own cheek.

You must have smacked faces earlier harder than you thought.

“No. we didn’t,” he growled angrily, “You smacked your face against my gauntlet. But I fucking felt it!” He barked.

You rapidly blinked your eyes in surprise. You did not just say that out loud.

The hero seemed to suddenly realize this as well as his angry expression once again dropped alongside his jaw. He seemed to be at a loss for words as his eyes danced across the room—trying to find a viable answer to the weird occurrence.

“What the hell does this all mean? What’s happening?!” you frantically cried out, snapping him out of his confused trance,

“Well we would fucking know if your ass could have stayed awake for a few more seconds,” he resorted back into his ferocity, “That idiot hag up and left with her kid while you were busy sleeping! It fucking knocked me out too! How the hell is this happening?!” Your eyebrows dropped from surprised to anger quicker than a drop of a dime. He was not about to pin all this bullshit on you.

“Well maybe you could have gotten some answers out of her if you weren't such a loud-mouthed dickhole! Who wouldn't run from that?!” you loudly snapped. His anger seemed to grow by ten fold, but just as you noticed a large vein pop out from the side of his angry head, you heard a familiar voice cry out which effectively interrupted the incoming eruption,

“Y/N?! Are you in there?!” you heard someone cry out from the hallway.

What.... what the hell was he doing here? Fuck. This was not the time for him, of all people, to show up. Your eyes widened as you waited for him to burst in.

“I came as soon as the hospital called!” he cried out as he entered the room. Of course, he was still your emergency contact, you idiot. Only you would accidentally leave your baby daddy, your ex as an emergency contact after so long has passed.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! You mentally kicked yourself as you looked into his disgustingly adorable, concerned eyes.

The man ran up to your bedside and threw his hands on top of yours, clutching them for dear life. A wave of emotion jolted your heart at his proximity—emotions that you hadn’t felt in a long time. You had been so damn careful to keep your distance, dammit. For months now you had meticulously planned Koko’s drop off and pick up times so you got a glimpse of him at most. You haven’t even heard his voice in weeks because you had resolved to leave communications to mostly short texts when necessary.

All for naught as his round, green eyes unknowingly dared you to fall in love with him again.

You uncomfortably shifted your gaze away from his longing stare. You could tell that he had been crying, and the fact that it was out of fear for your safety only added to the stiffness in your chest as his trembling voice cried out to you, “God, I am so glad that you're...” he trailed off, finally noticing the other man in the room, “Kacchan?”

Ground Zero, or Kacchan’s, anger hadn’t had the time to die down since you yelled at him a few seconds ago, and he was about ready to explode,

“THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, DEKU!?” he furiously cried out as he snatched the man away from you. And held a sparkling fist to his face.

You could feel the utter hatred seeping from his mind and it made you sick.

Exposition city😂

Anyway now that that is over with, I can get to the juicy stuff.

Yay! I am so excited

HnM💕

[justawriterbeinglonley]

Red Carpets and Pretty Girls

Author: @justawriterbeinglonley​

Characters: Shawn Mendes x reader, Milo, Lizzo

warnings: talk of insecurity and social anxiety

notes: Shawn has brought Y/N and Milo to the Grammys. He perfectly coordinates all their outfits. This story is all about how they show off their outfits on the carpet. This is set in the future so we can pretend Shawn was performing for the first time in awhile. Lizzo makes a guest appearance at the end because, well, she’s amazing. 

Masterlist

You sat in a chair near the mirrors of Shawn’s dressing room with Shawn’s hairstylist, Anna, fixing up your hair. Shawn and your toddler Milo were with Shawn’s stylist, Tiffany, getting their outfits on. You hadn’t seen their outfits yet. Shawn refused to let you see what he picked out. Shawn also picked out your dress, but you hadn’t seen it yet either. Shawn said it matched his and Milo’s outfits too perfectly, so you weren’t allowed to see it yet. 

You were excited for the night. Shawn was preforming tonight at the Grammy's for the first time in a few years, and you were excited. You were not entirely sure about walking the carpet with Shawn, but you were excited to dress up and look good anyways. 

“Cutie!” Shawn yelled from the bathroom where he was getting dressed. “Its your turn to change!”

You laughed. You were excited to see your dress, but more importantly, excited to see your boys. “I’m coming!” you yelled back.

Anna let you go, and you walked over to the bathroom. You were just about to open the door when Tiffany popped out.

“I’ve been instructed to make sure your eyes are closed so you can’t see the boys,” she laughed. 

You sighed as you laughed a little. 

“We come out now?” you heard Milo ask. 

“Is mommy’s eyes closed?” your husband asked. 

“Yes! She’s not looking,” Tiffany laughed. You turned away from the dorr and put your hands over your eyes.

The sound of your boys trying to stealthily move from the bathroom made you giggle. You could hear Shawn trip and stubble a little, then Milo giggling. Soon following was Shawn shushing Milo. Your heart swelled a little. 

Tiffany led you into the bathroom, and pulled your dress off the rack. It was a beautiful red color; a color you’d never really seen before. You put it on. The top of the dress was a halter. Red material laced comfortably around you neck, and came down over your shoulders to cover your breasts. That material continued tightly around your curved torso, but kept your back open, and loosely trailed down to the floor. Your perfect cleavage was on show, and a slit was in the dress, showing off your right leg. The slit ended just at the top of your thigh, right before your hip. There was no doubt in your mind that Shawn picked out the style. It perfectly showed off every curve of your body that Shawn loved. 

You walked over to a full body mirror placed in the corner of the bathroom. A smile graced your perfect red-lipstick-covered lips. The simple reddish smokey eye and dark eyelashes accentuated the color of your eyes. The highlighter resting upon your cheeks glowed slightly in the dim bathroom lighting. The simple dress clung perfectly to you. Your hair was up in a perfect messy bun. Pieces of hair fell and framed your face beautifully.

 In the past you had felt slightly insecure compared to Shawn. You always picked out little things that you disliked about yourself. Sometimes you believed you weren’t good enough for the beauty that is your husband. He never failed to make you feel more beautiful though. You were even insecure before coming here, but he insisted that you were gonna be stunning. Looking in the mirror at that moment, you knew he meant what he had said. You felt beauty course through your veins. You finally fully saw what Shawn saw in you. You were more than ecstatic to show him. 

You turned to Tiffany and thanked her. After, you stepped to the door. Filling your lungs with a deep breath first, you stepped out. The breath escaped your lungs as you saw your boys. Shawn sat in the chair you were in earlier, playing a game with Milo on his phone. You weren’t able to fully see Shawn and Milo’s outfits, but you could see the red that matched your outfit. You could also see both of your boy’s side profiles. They were the same. Milo’s face was obviously smaller, and slightly chubbier in the cheeks, but the hair, nose, lips, and jawline were the same. 

You slowly walked over to your boys, and laid an arm over Shawn’s shoulders. Shawn quickly jerked over to look at you.

“Hi, you gorgeous baby!” Shawn squealed. “Lemme see the whole dress.”

Shawn readjusted Milo on his knee as you stepped back and took a small spin around. Shawn’s eyes glowed. A smile formed on his perfect lips.

“Perfect,” he said quietly. 

“Your turn! I wanna see your guys’ outfits”, you said excitedly. 

Shawn laughed. He grabbed his phone from Milo’s hands, and switched positions with you. He set Milo softly on the ground, and looked up at you. 

Milo flashed his cheeky smile at you as he yelled, “We match!”

You were stunned by the beauty of your boys. They wore matching suits with a red blazer, vest, and pants, with a white button up underneath. Milo looked like a sweet little gentleman. His curly brown hair and chubby cheeks gave him the sweetest, most innocent look, and the suit made him look perfectly put together. It definitely was an adorable sight. 

Shawn on the other hand, looked absolutely stunning. The red of his outfit perfectly accentuated the slight blush that always rested upon his chiseled cheeks. The suit fit his muscles perfectly. His body shape was perfect. The brown beautiful curls that you loved were wild, yet perfect. At that moment you just wanted to run your finger through that hair, and have a hot and heavy make out session. 

“What you fink, mommy?” Milo’s sweet little voice rang out.

“You two look absolutely amazing,” you smiled as you moved forward to hug your boys. 

First, you picked up Milo and rested him on your hip. You hugged him close and gave him light kisses to not leave lipstick marks. 

“My boots match Daddy too!” Milo said excitedly as he pointed out the smaller version of Shawn’s classic boot. 

“They look amazing, bubs,” you smiled, before rustling his hair a little.

You then looked over at Shawn. A smile rested on his lips. 

“Your stunning, beautiful,” he sighed as he put his hand on your waist opposite the one with Milo. You could feel the warmth of his skin through the thin material, and on the bare skin of your back that his large hand managed to reach. 

“You should see your self, handsome,” you teased. 

Shawn leaned in, and softly kissed your red lips. Little traces of the lipstick stuck to his lips, but you decided not to tell him. 

Shawn traced his thumb along your hip as you stared happily into his eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes glowed for you, as they always did. Shawn was everything to you, and looking into his eyes always made your feelings stronger.

Milo grabbed your face in his tiny hands, and shoved his face into yours. 

“Mommy! They yellin at us to go out!” Milo yelled.

You and Shawn giggled at him before Shawn grabbed you some heels to match your dress. You slipped them on, and followed Shawn, who was walking next to Milo, out the door.

~

The three of you arrived to the red carpet a few minutes before Shawn had to go on. Milo rested upon Shawn’s hip now, and the three of you stood close together. 

Shawn wrapped his arm around your waist, and leaned in to give you a kiss. His hand found your hip as he rubbed loving circles on it. Shawn whispered soft words in your ear, feeling you tense up from the bustling people all around you. You had a little bit of social anxiety, so things like this weren’t always the best experience for you. Shawn knew that, and wanted to help you. 

Soon, Shawn was told he was next for the carpet, and he reluctantly peeled himself from your side, and set Milo down next to you. 

“Do you wanna walk the carpet with me?” Shawn asked you. 

You were about to answer when one of the people in charge of the carpet whisked him away from you. You wanted to walk with him. You were gonna say yes. You were a little disappointed, but there was nothing you could do. You turned your attention to where you thought Milo would be standing, but he wasn’t there. 

Panic consumed you immediately. You searched quickly all around you. You couldn’t find him. He wasn’t anywhere around. Your heart started to pound. All you could hear was the fast beat of your heart. Your breathing became labored. All you could think about was your small child.

You started to move forward. You moved fast looking everywhere for a small red outfit. You shortly reached the area where the red carpet started. You peered out, and saw a small boy in a red suit standing next to a tall man in a red suit. Your boys. Your heart almost stopped you were so relieved. You were calm now. Everything was better. 

Peering out at your boys, you couldn’t help but smile. They were the cutest things you had ever seen. Milo looked exactly like Shawn. The beautiful Mendes genes really were strong and amazing.  With the glow of the bright lights, your boys shined. Their perfect smiles glimmered, their blushing cheeks were highlighted, and excitement exuded off of them. You could tell Milo was insanely excited to be out there. He held onto Shawn’s hand as he smiled his adorable smile. His chubby cheeks bubbling up making him look even better. 

Shawn’s POV

I wanted to walk with my beautiful wife. I was excited to show off her beauty to the world. They whisked me away, but its alright. I’ll make sure it happens next time.

I had just stepped out on the carpet when I felt a tiny hand slip into mine. I looked down, and my cute little son looked up at me. I knelt down to talk to him. 

“Whatca doing, buddy?” I asked.

“I go wit chu,” Milo said quietly.

I giggled slightly. “You wanna take some pictures with daddy?”

He nodded. I gave Milo a kiss on the cheek, and instructed him what to do.

“Alright, speedy red carpet lesson, buddy. Your gonna look at the cameras, and smile. Look cute. Its all about the looks,” I smiled at him. 

Milo nodded once more. 

“I got it, Daddy,” Milo said cheerfully as he gave me a thumbs up. 

I smiled at him as I gave him a pat on his back. I stood up and posed for the cameras. After a few seconds, I felt a tiny hand grab one of my fingers. Milo stood at the other end of the tiny hand, looking out into the sea of cameras with the biggest smile. 

Milo and I slowly moved down the carpet. The cheesiest smile rested upon Milo’s face the entire time. I could not wait to see the pictures.

Regular POV

Shawn and Milo were just about to step off the carpet when a loud “awwwwwww” came from the side. Lizzo raced onto the carpet to meet the two boys. 

“Lizzo!” Milo yelled excitedly. Aside from Shawn, Lizzo was Milo’s favorite singer. He absolutely loved her and her music. 

“Oh my gosh! I just had to come see you two cuties!” she said excited. Shawn greeted her with a hug before she knelt down to give Milo a hug. 

Shawn and Lizzo were friends. They had seen each other lots of times before, and they had a great mutual respect for one another. Milo had never met Lizzo before, but Lizzo definitely knew about him. 

“Well oh my don’t you look like a little gentleman,” she sang out happily as she flattened Milo’s collar. 

“Thank you,” Milo said shyly.  His grin reached from ear to ear. Milo was so excited. “You look super pretty, Lizzo! I wuv your dwess.”

“Ahhhh! Thank you hunny!” Lizzo said excitedly. “Your so sweet. I think I might just have to take you home with me”, she laughed out. 

Shawn laughed. One of the backstage people then came up to the three of them and escorted them off the carpet. You met them as they walked off.

“Mommy! Look! Lizzo!” Milo yelled at you excited. You laughed.

“Imma ask her to by girlfwend!” he shrieked. “She’s so pwetty.” You, Lizzo, and Shawn belted out in laughter. 

“I accept!” Lizzo said happily. 

Milo reached up to grab her hand and said, “Lets go back to the dressing room.” Lizzo laughed and let him guide her. 

You and Shawn fell into step behind them. 

“His cuteness already got him a girl,” Shawn smiled.

“He got it from you ya know,” you smiled back. “No one could ever resist that Mendes smile.”

Shawn leaned over and kissed your cheek. An arm wrapped around your waist, and you just felt so happy.

“He got good taste in girls too apparently. I guess we both know what pretty girls really look like,” Shawn smiled brightly. You blushed. A little silence fell between you for a second. 

“I want another one,” Shawn suddenly whispered. “Milo’s like the best thing ever. But next time the child has to look like you.”

“Maybe someday,” you nodded. You looked Shawn up and down. You were reminded about how good he looked in his suit and you said,”But we can definitely practice tonight.”

[harryfeatgaga]

HELLO 😤😤😌

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said: He’s so hot my heads empty Rn -🌙

MOOD

Anonymous said: I can’t believe Harry is the only man

TRULY

Anonymous said: GOODNI BABY LOVE 💘💘💘💘💘

MWAH

Anonymous said: kinda poetic but i'm being kicked out of my student res and this is my last day but this is the first time i've woken up to birds chirping and it's quite lovely

NJDBHGHRFJNH PLEASE

Anonymous said: we’ve been in quarantine too long cause i just saw someone on tiktok try to prove harry has a crush on charlotte cause he looked and smiled at her during the npr performance... i would normally say that people need to get out the house but we can’t so y’all need to find some other hobbies

LMFAO

Anonymous said: You know what's funny about that TikTok? Harry kissed Ny on the hand and only shook Charlotte's after the Brits performance but no one thinks he's dating Ny. He and Lizzo held hands and were blatantly flirting but no one thinks he's dating her. But he looks and smiles at Charlotte for .03 seconds and he's in love. I wish people just said they want to ship him with any thin conventionally attractive white girl instead of jumping through this many hoops to prove he's "in love."

indeed

[the-queen-clarion]

ESFJ-A, Ravenpuff, Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Scorpio Ascending

Archetype — Wise Old Man

Birthday — 4/23/1769

Zodiac Sign — Taurus

MBTI — ESFJ-A (92% Extraverted, 55% Observant, 75% Feeling, 83% Judging, 90% Assertive) - Consul

Enneagram — Type 1

Temperament — Phlegmatic

Hogwarts House — Ravenpuff

Moral Alignment — Lawful Good

Primary Vice — Workaholic

Primary Virtue — Caring

Element — Air

Overview:

Mother — Allegra Dewdrop

Father —  Florian Wellspring

Mother’s Occupation — Water Talent

Father’s Occupation — Water Talent

Family Finances — idk they were hollow fairies

Birth Order — Oldest of 2

Brothers — None

Sisters — Tessa Dazzlesplash

Other Close Family — Two aunts and uncles, four cousins

Best Friend — tbd

Other Friends — the fairies of the hollow

Enemies — Fairy Hunters/Mundus that don’t respect magic

Pets — None

Home Life During Childhood — Lived with the Fairy King, peaceful and quiet if a bit lonely. She didn’t really get to stay with her parents or her sister so she doesn’t know how it would’ve been had she done that instead.

Town or City Name(s) — Swynlake

What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — Tidy, every item she had carefully tucked away in each place. In her youth she shared a space with the fairy king, and her room was in a tucked away corner. It was tastefully decorated with a row of books on one side of the room, and a loaf-pan bed.

Any Sports or Clubs — None

Favorite Toy or Game — a kite

Schooling — Pixie School, Talent Apprenticeship, Pride University for Law Degree

Favorite Subject — Law

Popular or Loner — Popular

Important Experiences or Events — The ceremony where she took her place as Queen and the fairy king was able to retire. It was such a momentous occasion, and the feeling of having that powerful connection to the pixie dust tree was astounding.

Nationality — British

Culture — Fairy

Religion and beliefs — Atheist, believes in communal giving and sharing

Physical Appearance

Face Claim —  Constance Wu

Complexion — Fair

Hair Colour — Black

Eye Colour — Brown

Height — 5′4″

Build — thin

Tattoos — none

Piercings — none

Common Hairstyle — straight and down, sometimes an updo

Clothing Style — has a tendency to wear gold and white dresses, though she also will often choose the color of another talent if she wishes to honor that group’s work that day or week. 

Mannerisms — pursing her lips, pinching the bridge of her nose, 

Usual Expression — A gentle smile (in the hollow), a rather stern look when working at law stuff.

Health

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — No

Physical Ailments — Migraines

Neurological Conditions — None

Allergies —  None

Grooming Habits — Stays properly clean. Washes every day, and goes to have her wings washed regularly as well.

Sleeping Habits — Goes to bed late and gets up early

Eating Habits — Fairly normal, probs vegetarian

Exercise Habits —  Flies around the Hollow every morning, otherwise she doesn’t do too much. Doesn’t really have the time.

Emotional Stability — Stable

Body Temperature — Normal

Sociability — Social

Addictions — None

Drug Use — None

Alcohol Use — When there’s a party in the hollow

Your Character’s Character: 

Bad Habits — overworking

Good Habits — hearing people out

Best Characteristic — Caring

Worst Characteristic — Critical

Worst Memory — Seeing the hollow nearly falter when she was selfish and wanted to be with someone she loved.

Best Memory — First experiencing her connection to the pixie dust tree and communicating with the past talents.

Proud of — her hollow, the fairies.

Embarrassed by — mundus who think they know about fairies

Driving Style — she doesn’t drive

Strong Points — She’s a caring person who wants to do right by the hollow and other magicks. She’s a tough love kind of person, but she wants to see people succeed.

Temperament — Phlegmatic

Attitude — Calm, collected. Takes time to make decisions.

Weakness — the cold.

Fears — the end of her reign as she doesn’t know what she’ll do with herself.

Phobias — Fairy hunters. 

Secrets — Was once deeply in love

Regrets — Not finding someone who understood her that would fit right with the hollow.

Feels Vulnerable When — she has no energy/strength left. When she’s forced to deal with her own emotions rather than other people’s.

Pet Peeves — being interrupted when speaking

Conflicts — sort of a person versus fate kind of thing. Maybe. Free will kind of seems a little impossible.

Motivation — To protect the hollow and magicks

Short Term Goals and Hopes — to do well on her law cases

Long Term Goals and Hopes — to see the hollow prosper and succeed under a new Queen one day

Sexuality — Pansexual

Exercise Routine  — Not much of one

Day or Night Person — Both, but more Day Person

Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert

Optimist or Pessimist — Realist

Likes and Styles:

Music — Hip Hop and R&B. She got into Lizzo recently if you’ll believe it

Books — Most autobiographical/history books

Magazines — None. She doesn’t like them

Foods — Vegetable stir fry

Drinks — Coffee

Animals — All animals come on

Sports — None really

Social Issues — Environment, Magick Rights, Fairy Rights

Favorite Saying — A dream does not become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work

Color — Gold

Clothing — we’ll get into this later.

Jewelry — she crafts some of her own

Games — tbd

Websites — None

TV Shows — she’s strangely hooked to the Good Place

Movies — movies with snow in it. Snow Dogs breaks her heart but she’s seen that one a few times.

Greatest Want — to see the next Queen Talent succeed

Greatest Need — to figure out what she’ll do when she isn’t Queen

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — Pixie Hollow

Household furnishings — a bookshelf, a bed hollowed out from an acorn

Favorite Possession — a book her mother gave her years ago

Most Cherished Possession — a flower crown her ex once made for her and frosted so it wouldn’t wither

Neighborhood — Forest of Enchantra

Town or City Name — Swynlake

Details of Town or City — You all know Swynlake

Married Before — No

Significant Other Before — One

Children — None

Relationship with Family — Neutral, wasn’t raised by them

Car — None

Career — Lawyer

Dream Career — Magick Rights Lawyer

Dream Life — She’s actually pretty content with her life.

Love Life — Nonexistent

Talents or Skills — Queen Talent (haha), making a good argument

Intelligence Level — fairly intelligent

Finances — Middle Class

Your Character’s Life Before Your Story:

Past Careers — None

Past Lovers — One

Biggest Mistakes — Falling in love

Biggest Achievements — Protecting the Hollow from the fire

[thoughtswithsophie]

revealing: too much of me 

Society continuously reminds me how big my body is or how big it once was. How well I fill up my skinny boyfriend's sweatshirt that I took from his closet, it's cute that I thought it would fit. Or how much my fat is disturbing my neighbours on the plane when I swear, I'm contorting myself to only take up the space of my seat, but how dare I have only reserved one seat. Society will constantly bet on how long it will take me to gain all the weight I've lost or how greedy I am when they hear my stomach growl without knowing it's been 8 days since I ate my last apple. 

I constantly have to pay attention to how solid the chairs are in classrooms and conference rooms. I need to make sure that I sit near the door that is hopefully in the back, because God forbid I have to pee during class; I wouldn't want to interrupt everyone with my fat body. And gym class, she won the most flexible contest? She was probably lying. Did you see how fat she is? A therapist seems like a promising career for her, not too much physical activity. I'm sure she was bullied, so she can relate. Oh, a sex therapist? A sexologist? Wow, she is pretty for a fat girl. I've heard fat women are freaky. Poor girl is deprived. She can't get her own man, so she has to get a career in sexuality. It goes on and on and on… even our closest friends can behave as though these struggles are personal, not social (Dark & Aphramor, 2022). Fat phobia is so deeply entrenched in society that its perpetuation is normalized and even hoped for. You wouldn't want to dare embrace your fat body because you would be glorifying obesity. The shame of these comments and embedded hatred of fat bodies in society has lingering effects and are amplified based on the amount of non-conforming identities one holds, whether it'd be race or gender presentation. Fat bodies are categorized in limiting boxes that restrict behavioural norms of what we can and cannot accomplish. 

Not only is fatness dictating what one can do as a hobby or career, but so does race. White supremacy refuses to associate blackness with success. Lizzo, a successful fat black woman, is constantly bashed for her size and criticized as over the top. She is hyper-sexualized – as society does with black women. While most oppressed groups and white women experience a lack of inclusion due to size, class, disability, etc., comments of hate towards Lizzo majorly come from white men or boys. This could represent their fear of losing power and giving a platform to a fat black woman, which expresses fear of blackness and fatness. It is their tactic to repress in hopes of eliminating. 

Let’s look at Rachel Wiley’s piece, For Fat Girls Who Considered Starvation When Bulimia Wasn’t Enough (2015). She had dreamed of being a ballerina but constantly saw her body as too fat to accomplish this. Whether it had been said to her by her mother or society, Wiley purged herself in hopes of one day being small enough to become a dancer. This notion of needing to be a specific size to be entitled to roles such as dancers is socially constructed to keep fat bodies from getting positive attention. One's body size must remain thin, or else it isn't deserving to accomplish powerful things. Later, when she was told her perfect teeth – the only thing her mother said was perfect about her – would be damaged from purging, she starved herself as she had to find other ways to reach her goals. This very well-written piece portrays how eating disorders are normalized for fat bodies. It also demonstrates how fatphobia wishes to harm and inflict pain upon our bodies. It rather see us suffer than live in a society where bigger bodies are appreciated. 

Relationships with female members of my family have always been unhealthy and hard to maintain. In the previous post, I talked about my grandmother's wish to pay me for my weight loss. This was not a single event but rather my entire life. I know my time in Toronto has been successful when I get "complimented" on how my face looks skinnier when I return home. I, amongst many other fat girls, have very surfaced level relationships with thin parents. This expectation and admiration of slim bodies carry a lot of shame. Let's look at Khloé Kardashian; she comes from a very successful tight nit family. I am not saying she has a surfaced level relationship with her entourage, but they seem to focus immensely on body image, which correlates with a thin normative ideal. She was bigger than her sisters and was bullied for her body. She got plastic surgery to lose weight, and people still attacked her image, saying she didn't look like herself anymore.

These narratives damage fat women's sense of self; we are dammed if we do and dammed if we don’t. Our entire existence feels like it doesn't belong to us as we spend our life changing our body for our acceptance – a shell that contains our spirit but fails to be recognized as something temporary. 

Lucy Aphramor (2022) explains that she was educated as a dietician and found that it normalizes fatphobia as well as body shaming (p. 4). These structures idolize a white skinny and pure culture, alienating and assimilating anything outside their ideals. Body shaming culture is built on medical systems that evaluate the worth of bodies, also creating eating disorders. I remember I was 9 years old when I had my first appointment with a dietitian. A tall skinny blonde woman shamed me for having 3 meals a day with snacks in between. I absolutely adored salads, but she refused to believe me because the narrative says fat girls don't eat healthily. As the weeks and appointments added up, I developed an eating disorder, though I didn't know that was what was happening at the time. Either dissociating from my body and binging because if I disconnected, the shame wasn’t as painful, or not eating for days. I often didn't eat until my homework was done, and even then, I counted every calorie. This idea that women need to have a small frame as it is part of the feminine ideal bleeds into all areas of social resources. I have never experienced healthcare where my body size was not used to explain the pain and discomfort I was feeling during my visits. I have endured severe illnesses due to physical abuse and trauma but have been told to lose 10 pounds, and I would feel better every time I entered the emergency room and doctors’ offices. 

I want to speak of a part in Rheonna Nicole’s The Fat Girl (2016):

"Mama afraid her mini-me will be larger than life, so she make her play basketball

Scared she would fail 

Too late she already scoring triple-doubles

Black

Overweight

And female."

She relays the hardships that fat women experience in a normalized fat-phobic society while speaking as a Black woman also experiencing racism. Her mother was terribly afraid of her daughter's size, forcing her to play basketball which white supremacy labels as a black male sport as they hold labels of being wild and untameable. This is a stunning comparison to Black fatness as animalistic, feeding into dominant racist tropes about Black women and their dehumanization. I have briefly discussed the fetishization of fat bodies in a previous post, but Nicole (2016) speaks of her increased fetishization because she is Black. Colonial notions of Black female bodies oversexualize them while saying they are sexual deviants. She speaks to how her mother's lack of appreciation towards her body and fear of fatness represents her inherent failure as she represents 3 incredibly oppressed identities in society. 

I include blackness in this blog post, as Black cultures have helped me appreciate my body. As I mentioned in my first post, moving to Toronto was a cultural shock for me as a fat woman. This was the first time I had experienced life surrounded by people from different cultures, and the first time I realized my presence in classes, musical events, and art shows was appreciated. I was expected to show up as myself, a French, Queer, Fat, musically inclined woman – for the first time in my life, I had experienced acceptance of all these identities I represented. Again, recognizing I hold significant privilege for being white, this acceptance meant a lot after coming from a small, oppressive, conservative town. Despite their constant exclusion from society as the colonial ideology ignores all fat bodies, especially Black women’s bodies. They so kindly accepted me as they understood what it meant to be bigger, have curves and be sexualized in a patriarchal, fat-phobic society. Although Black men could still fetishize my fat white body, they appreciated me and saw me beyond the limits of my curves. I speak of these unique experiences as they have allowed me to immerse myself in an excluded culture; cultural dissociation made me feel more at home.

I want to bring in Annette Schlichter’s Do Voices Matter? (2011) in this conversation. A society that excludes us from employment avenues and opportunities, hobbies, medical resources, and accessibility also holds an expectation of how we should physically behave and carry ourselves as fat women. Fatness is associated with laziness, an unmanaged body, and a lack of elegance. Our voice matters on an extreme end as we are taking up too much space. We have to avoid being ‘too’ loud, but we can’t be 'too' quiet either because then we're seen as insecure, and when this happens, comments are made about our bodies and how much better we would feel if we only lost 10 pounds. Our voice should be assertive, so people take us seriously, as society fails to see fat women as responsible and ambitious. So, must be assertive but can’t be too assertive because then we’re a fat woman taking up too much space AND being a bitch or a bully: "Who does she think she is? She's fat; she should look at herself first before giving me attitude." Which involve stereotypes of the angry fat black woman, the sassy black woman with attitude, or the loud manly fat body of colour. As a fat white woman, I recognize that my race gives me the privilege, so I don't have to suffer racism. Not only do we have to adjust how we react to or perform our identity around people because our existence makes society uncomfortable, but we are forced to contort ourselves into boxes that don't feel familiar to us.

I want to be surrounded by people who understand and respect my experiences and existence. I want to be honoured as both fat AND beautiful, not beautiful for a fat person, nice for a fat person, quiet for a fat person, or in shape for a fat person. I learned that I showed up differently once I was no longer ashamed of myself. With the help of other beautiful, strong, independent, loving, intelligent, capable fat women, I have allowed myself to love my body as I strive to make patriarchal, white supremacist, fat-phobic, colonial systems uncomfortable with my presence. Us fat women need to unite in love and use our powerful voices, regardless of preconceived notions, to dismantle oppressive systems. I live to dismantle these structures by embracing my beautiful queer, fat, femme identity. 

Here are beautiful beings that show how fatness and femininity can be embodied in everyday life. From unapologetically being themselves and 'calling out' fatphobic, racist, and sexist comments to speaking and sharing their musical/artistic talents, embracing their interracial relationship publicly, and making content promoting fat power and confidence. 

Jess Kelley @Therealmrskelley 

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Vanessa Duchelle @Tresduchelle

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A post shared by DUCHELLE (@tresduchelle)

Simone Mariposa @simonemariposa

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A post shared by Simone 🌺🌻👑🦋 (@simonemariposa)

Dani DMC @Itsdanimc

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A post shared by 𝑫𝑨𝑵𝑰 𝑫𝑴𝑪 (@itsdanidmc)

References

Button Poetry. (2015, Nov 30). Rachel Wiley – For Fat Girls Who Considered Starvation When Bulimia Wasn’t Enough [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jw_NRdAdlio

DMC, D. [@itsdanidmc]. (2021, October 1). The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet. ITS ME. IM HER. [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/CUf9BNUvbj-/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=d3049c31-bd43-49e2-af08-fd25ce555a99

Dark, K., Aphramor, L. (2022). Fat Politics as a Constituent of Intersecting Intimacies. In Fat Studies: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Body Weight and Society, 11(3). DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/21604851.2022.2045789

Duchelle, V. [@tresduchelle]. (2022, October 20). En plus d’avoir des nouveaux vêtements, comme cette chemise, @boutiques.clairefrance a aussi un nouveau compte Tik Tok (@boutiquesclairefrance) et le 24 octobre prochain, il y aura un tirage d’une carte-cadeau de 100$ parmi leurs abonné.es!! Perds pas de temps, abonne-toi. [Instagram Photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/Cj6faDarNGh/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=c6537e84-1efc-4eed-9d36-0fb69ec7aef4

Kelley, J. [@therealmrskelley]. (2021, October 6). Ok I need y’all to freak out about these dresses with me. This Target haul turned out so much better than I expected it to!! Which piece is your favorite?! [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/CUsiJkXFedd/

Mariposa, S. [@simonemariposa]. (2021, November 2). The South is just too good to me. Spring 2022, I’ll be an ATL shawty for good [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/CVy4_TIpnOH/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=ee042d21-241a-49e9-ac85-3eb95f7a7413

Schlichter, A. (2011). Do Voices Matter? Vocality, Materiality, Gender Performativity. In Body & Society, 17(1), 31-52. https://doi.org/10.1177/1357034X10394669 

Spencer, C. (2021, Aug 17). Music Star Lizzo Breaks Down Over Racist and Fat-Shaming Slurs. The Hill, Changing America.

Poetry Slam Inc. (2016, July 7). Women of the World Poetry Slam 2016 – Rheonna Nicole “The Fat Girl” [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RUt6-_hBpg

[tabloidtoc]

In Touch, March 29

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Jennifer Lopez humiliated by Alex Rodriguez

Page 1: Contents

Page 2: Who Wore It Better? Catt Sadler vs. Brooke Burke in BFFs & Babes, Li Bingbing vs. Jennifer Lopez in Georges Hobeika, Kacey Musgraves vs. Sydney Sweeney in David Koma

Page 4: Revenge of the Week -- Piers Morgan on Good Morning Britain said he didn't believe a word of Meghan Markle's claims of severe mental distress during her time as a working royal and the next day he stormed off the set after a colleague suggested he was trashing Meghan because she cut him off -- hours later, amid more than 41,000 complaints about his comments, including one from Meghan herself in which she reportedly accused him of degrading the seriousness of mental health issues, Piers refused to apologize and chose instead to quit -- Sharon Osbourne and Bethenny Frankel got burned too

Page 5: Rebel of the Week -- Melissa McCarthy said she has never been flipped off or told to f--k off as much as fellow celebs' reactions to her wearing a tracksuit and sneakers to the Oscars afterparty in 2019, Practical Joker of the Week -- Eve Hewson prank-called Justin Timberlake after stealing her dad Bono's address book, Number of the Week -- 14 pounds Gwyneth Paltrow says she gained over the past year mostly from eating pasta and biscuits and cheese, Man Candy of the Week -- Mike Manning

Page 6: Crib of the Week -- Jimmy Fallon's quirky triplex in NYC, Winners of the Week -- Alias fans -- Jennifer Garner says sign her up when asked if she'd do a reboot of her spy series, Loser of the Week -- Kim Kardashian rails that she's not a meteorologist after fans point out she confused a recent California hailstorm with snow

Page 8: Up Close -- Prince Harry and pregnant Meghan Markle holding son Archie in a black-and-white photo taken by photographer Misan Harriman

Page 9: Kaley Cuoco gets ready for a photo shoot wearing the suit of her dreams from Dolce & Gabbana, Justin Bieber and his dog Oscar, Jennifer Lopez doing her best Cameron Diaz in There's Something About Mary impression in the tub

Page 10: Lady Gaga and onscreen husband Adam Driver in Milan for House of Gucci

Page 12: Will Smith in a pool in Dubai, Kylie Jenner posing in front of vending machines, Mariah Carey holding her dog

Page 14: Jennifer Aniston films evening scenes for The Morning Show with co-stars Hannah Leder and Mark Duplass in L.A., Halle Berry, Selena Gomez and Martin Short sashay on the set of their new comedy Only Murders in the Building

Page 18: Grammy Awards -- Beyonce, Miranda Lambert and Brendan McLoughlin

Page 19: Lizzo blurted Bitch I'm Back, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion, Harry Styles and Taylor Swift chatted during a commercial break, Noah Cyrus

Page 20: Grammys' Standout Stars -- Taylor Swift, Maren Morris, Megan Thee Stallion

Page 21: Billie Eilish, Dua Lipa, Lizzo

Page 22: Heather Locklear, who stepped out in LA looking curvier than usual, has had an epiphany: she isn't going to put herself through the wringer by crash-dieting just to be pencil thin and she loves herself just the way she is -- she recently broke her engagement to high school sweetheart Chris Heisser, with whom she had a volatile on-off relationship for years and she's taking it easy on herself because she's been through a lot -- she's also sober and one of the sayings you might hear in rehab is Never HALT, which means don't ever get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired so if Heather is hungry, she's going to eat and the last thing she wants to do now is focus on dieting when she should be putting all her energy into staying sober

Page 23: Blake Shelton is seeing red over his ex Miranda Lambert's decision to open a bar and grill on the same block in Nashville as his Ole Red tavern because he put his heart and soul into it, and now she's opening a Tex-Mex joint called Casa Rosa this summer -- Miranda loves to stick it to her ex who blindsided her with divorce papers in 2015 amid accusations she cheated, which she's denied -- she's telling everyone her food will be way better than the slop he's serving -- it's amazing that after all these years these two, who have both moved on and are in love with other people, are still fighting

* Demi Lovato has a surprising take on her battle with drugs: they saved her life -- she says there were times she dealt with suicidal ideations, and had she gone forward with that in that moment instead of turning to another destructive coping mechanism, she wouldn't be here to tell her story -- of course, her coping mechanism almost ended up killing her: she suffered three strokes and a heart attack in 2018 after overdosing

* Star Sightings -- Alex Rodriguez and friends joined the 54-day fitness phenomenon in Miami, Justin Long opened up to Survivor-Net in LA about his mother's battle with ovarian cancer, Erin Ziering hit SUR Beach House in Cabo, Mexico

Page 24: Cover Story -- Jennifer Lopez gets dumped -- the wedding is off and so is the relationship -- Jennifer and Alex Rodriguez's nasty split -- they claim they're working through things, but they're done, and it's only a matter of time until she has to admit it publicly

Page 28: Queen Elizabeth's tears: what has happened to my family? As she weathers the most devastating crises in her 70 year reign, Elizabeth is desperate to keep The Firm united

Page 30: Property Brothers show sued for shoddy work -- Jonathan Scott and Drew Scott's hit show and reputations come under attack

Page 32: Chip and Joanna Gaines -- how our faith saved us -- Chip and Jo reinforced their foundation before returning to TV

Page 34: The Big Interview -- Bryan Abasolo and Rachel Lindsay -- three years after the final rose, this Bachelorette duo is taking on the franchise

Page 42: Animal Overload -- my dog looks like Kate Hudson

Page 45: Double Take -- Star Wars: The Last Jedi star Kelly Marie Tran guests on The Late Late Show With James Corden in L.A.

Page 46: Horoscope -- Aries Jessica Chastain turned 44 on March 24

Page 48: Last Laughs