#and once he's made it through we r gonna be REALLY happy!!! and that we're probably gonna have a really good life!!!

[ja3yun]

okkayyyyyy we're starting off the chapter STRONG. icb they're going at it like rabbits but then again this is hoonyn we're talking about 🤕🤕 LOVE LOVE LOVE YN FOR FINALLY PUTTING HERSELF FIRST?.!:!/! YOU GO BABY GIRL!!!! get that D 😋 & ofc they arent following the rules they set 🤣🤣 wbk tho they're too down bad for eo to actually follow their rules & hoon constantly saying words of affirmation and basically just showering yn w love 🥰 oh we love to see that!

ugh theyre just so cute 🥹 why did have to keep her feelings in check 🤕 went out for dinner 3 nights ago? THAT WAS 3 NIGHTS AGO BBGIRL in fact you should hang out w hoon everyday 🥰🥰 24/7 🤍🤍 FUCK FUCK FUCK SHE ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO GO TO HER AWARD CEREMONY FUCKKKKKK WE CHEERED!:!/'sbs I SCREAMED 😝😝😝😝😝 and he REALLY SAID FK HIS PLANS he's going to her award ceremony instead GET U A MAN LIKE THATTT and then he KISSED HER AND THANKED HER FOR LETTING HIM BE A PART OF HER LIFE?!;!:!/ FAWKKK SOMEONE HOLDME I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY R EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!! 😫😫😫😫😫 they r so soft so attached so astronomically down bad for each other i love that for them i want need them to always be this happy together 🙏🏻🙏🏻 and ofc she's gna give him a blowjob 😋

HER CONTACT NAME FOR HOON OMFG?:!/!/! not rina seeing right through them the moment she sees them interact ☠️☠️☠️ no bc mp!hoon is a literal DREAM guy like he may not be the biggest fan of rina bc of that incident but he's willing to set it aside and be at least neutral w her for yn? that is something not everyone can do and what more that hoonyn arent even tgt tgt 🫣 HE SAVED ADDRESSES ASSOCIATED W HER IN HIS GPS?:!:!/ yeap im gone. u lost me. this is my 192837293 time screaming abt them but how can i not when theyre literally that in love w each other 😭😭😭

everytime minhee becomes the sweetest & most caring older brother for yn i get why she tries to keep some distance w hoon and why she feels guilty but i also wish she'd just fk it for once and live HER life 🥺

i love it whenever hoon calls yn baby and esp sweets it rly cld be just me but its the sweetest thing ever 🥹 HE'S SO ENDEARING CHEERING FOR HER LIKE THAT UGH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH (as ive already said for the 1937263783 time 🤕) STOP FIRST THEY TAKE THE CUTEST PHOTOS TOGETHER AND THEN THEY SAID F THE NO LABELS?:!:!: i used to PRAY for moments like this THEYRE FINALLY TGT TGT 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 though its hush hush but a win is still a WIN 🏆

the "are you gonna stare or are you gonna fuck your girlfriend" is a crazy ass thing to say & hoon is stronger than me bc if i were a guy and i were hoon id nut right then and there. sorry not sorry 🤕 AND THEN SHE PROCEEDS TO LET HIM HIT HER RAW TO FURTHER THEIR CONNECTION?/!:&/ when ure in a which couple is most in love with each other competition and hoonyn r ur competitors. theyre immediately taking the crown soz i dont make the rules 🏆🏆🏆🏆 & then their confession to each other after everything >>>>

aj i get what u mean now this chapter is my favourite as well omfg. I JUST LOVE HOW U PORTRAY HOONYN LIKE 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 they fit each other perfectly like puzzle pieces 🧩 literally made for each other 😫😫😫 I LOVE HOW U GAVE US AN ENTIRE CHAPTER OF JUST HOONYN FLUFF AND SMUT LIKE THANK YOU FOR UR SERVICE <33333 i really love melting point sososososoooo much i feel like i can never thank u enough for sharing this masterpiece with us all i always look forward to fridays so i can catch the new update 😆😆 but im also lowkey scared for the upcoming chapters bc idk how minhee will react when he finds out? or when yn confesses? but i know hoon will be w her no matter what so its all good 😫🙏🏻

happy weekend <3 sorry if i yap too much i get excited whenever i read a fic that is long and HITS HARD

starting off the chapter with a sex scene was a risk i was willing to take icl. if i was yn i would also be fucking hoon any chance i got, i think it's realistic lmao.

sunghoon is the standard now when it comes to men bc he literally lays the world at her feet and i'll accept nothing less now 😮‍💨 i'm so happy they're finally together like i felt like it came around so fast but also not fast enough.

thank you so much for reading and coming to talk to me about it! i love when i can see people truly enjoying the fic, i'm super glad you are! ilysm and i cant wait for you to resd next week <3

[garlique]

ok listen im not tryna brag but idk how i survived high school

[bludemons]

We're not gonna leave you (Ralvez x Fem!Reader)

Summary: Spencer and Luke are about to miss another birthday of yours because they're called on a case. But what happens when they come home in time?

Warnings: talk about unsub, swear words, depressing thoughts, crying, angst, anxiety, fluff towards the end, Luke and Spencer being idiots

Words: 2.3k

Tagged: @subbyspence @yours-truly-r @mgg-theprettiestboy

(gif credit to @zhuzhubii)

It's your birthday and of course you're alone, again, cause the boys were called away on a case 2 days prior and your mood wasn't the best to say the least... It was the 4th birthday you wanted to celebrate while being in the relationship with the boys but also the third one you were alone cause they were called away to catch some crazy killer. You already had a feeling that you would be alone again and it slowly led you to thinking if Luke and Spencer actually wanted to spend your birthday with you and not in another state. Well it was your home state, again. Every year around your birthday they had a case in your home state.

You had woken up to texts from your family, friends, coworkers and your boyfriends coworkers, from everyone but Luke and Spencer. It made you feel even worse, strengthening the thought you already had: they didn't want to be with you on your birthday. Maybe they didn't want to be with you in general anymore. Deep in your heart you knew that it wasn't the truth but right now you couldn't focus on that. It was your birthday and neither of your boyfriends had texted or called like they usually would. It was the first time in your entire life that Luke forgot your birthday. He always made sure to at least leave you a text, telling you how much he loves you and wishing you the best, already planning on what you'd do to celebrate your birthday when he was away. It was like a punch in your face, no, it was worse than that.

But what you didn't know was that your two boyfriends were on their way home to you, knowing how sad you were when they told you that they had another case or better, the same case as the two years before. It was the same unsub all the years and they took her down a day prior. She started to kill around your birthday but never getting her true target, you. Once Luke and Spencer had looked at the pictures of the victims again, it took them only one look at each other before they ran off to their unit chief. Emily was currently talking to a police officer when she saw the two men running towards her. "Woah boys, slow down. What's going on?", she asked while looking at them trying to figure out what was on their mind. "It's Y/N. The unsubs main target is Y/N", Spencer said, a bit out of breath. "What are you talking about?", Emily asked again. Luke only grabbed her hand, walking towards the conference room where the pictures were. "Look at the pictures Emily. Look at them and tell me that they don't look almost exactly like Y/N", Luke said while looking at his unit chief. And in that moment it hit Emily. The men were right, all the victims looked like you, only slight differences in appearance and they were not only in your home state but most of the murders were in your hometown too, leaving no questions that it had something to do with you. She called the rest of the team into the conference room, telling them what was going on. After that new information, Garcia dug a bit in your life to find anyone who would fit the profile. It only took her about an hour of digging through your past until she was able to find someone who could be the unsub. It was your ex best friend. She was always jealous of you. About the friendship you had with Luke, cause surprise she had a huge crush on him, thinking you were taking him away from her. How everyone liked you. Your healthy and happy family. About the fact that you were able to come out as bisexual and everyone excepting you for who you are. But she didn't only have a crush on Luke, she was in love with you too.

Wanting you to be all hers. She wanted your attention and she hoped she would get them from the murders. Garcia soon found her address, immediately calling her colleagues, telling them what she found. As the team began to get ready, Emily stepped in front of Luke and Spencer. "You're not coming with us", she said sternly. "What?! why?! Of course we are going, it's about Y/N!", Luke exclaimed. "Exactly, it's about your girlfriend. Your girlfriend who's again going to be alone on her birthday so yes, you both do get your asses up but only to fly back home to your lover girl with the next flight. We've got this and we're gonna update you as soon as we have news. Got it?", she looked at the men with a raised brow. Luke and Spencer both nodded, taking off their vests, grabbing their stuff, quickly saying goodbye to the rest of the team and driving to the airport, hopping on the next plane, on their way back home to you.

"Do you think she's going to be mad at us?", Spencer asked his boyfriend as they finally found their seats and sat down. Luke shrugged, he really didn't know. "I don't know Spence... I don't know if she's going to be mad at us but I know that she's sad. We definitely need to make it up to her with every little thing we can give", Luke had turned towards the man beside him. Spencer sighed, knowing that Luke was right. They both fucked up, again. It was already hard to make up for last year's birthday but knowing that you thought that they would miss another one, broke both their hearts. It wasn't a long flight ,at least not for them and after 4 hours they were back in Quantico, quickly making their way back to your apartment.

Yeah, maybe the case was a hard one but the other team members found time to text you, even rossi did so and he had never, never texted you before. Ignoring every text and call you got, especially Penelope's, leaving most people on read, you put down all the blinds in your apartment, shutting down any form of light, you just wanted to drown in the dark, letting the bad thoughts take over. So you went into the bathroom and curled up in the bathtub. Yes, the bathtub and not the bed. You felt like any kind of comfort wasn't what you needed right now. So you laid there, slowly opening the drain until the lukewarm water started to drench your clothes. You didn't even notice that you started to cry until you felt a warm tear falling onto your hand. Knowing the tears wouldn't stop any time soon, you just let them run down your cheeks, your body starting to shake as you began to sob. The thoughts finally really set in. Your two boyfriends, the loves of your life, forgot your birthday and probably didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

You were slowly starting to fall asleep in the already cold water, tired from the tears that still streamed down your face and the sobs that wrecked your entire body. But before you were able to completely close your eyes, you heard keys jiggle in the hole of the front door. You couldn't care less, you didn't move one muscle, just accepting the fact that if it was a robber or murderer that this was your time. You didn't have the strength to fight or even open your eyes when you heard footsteps coming your way. "Luke?", Spencer quietly asked the man who stood beside him. Luke hummed in response. "We really fucked up bad this time", Spencer's eyes were starting to get glossy as he heard your sobs. Luke sighed, looking at his boyfriend and then at the open bathroom door. "I know baby, I know", he took Spencer's hand in his, softly rubbing his thumb across the back of his boyfriend's hand, "but we're gonna make it up to her, okay? We're gonna take some days off, going on a vacation, making sure to show her how much we love her and how much she means to us", Luke said quietly as he looked at spencer. The other man nodded, exactly knowing what he meant with the last part, and looked towards the bathroom again. Luke took this chance and slowly walked towards the door, taking Spencer with him.

"Y/N sweetheart?", Luke quietly asked into the dark of the bathroom. You had tried to stop sobbing as soon as you heard the hushed voices of your boyfriends, but they heard them anyway. "Can we come in?", you heard Spencer ask you. You only sniffled, not able to form words in your current state. Luke wordlessly told Spencer to put on the lights in the living room, not overwhelming you with the brightness of the bathroom lights. As soon as Luke was able to lay his eyes on you, his heart broke into a million pieces, the same as Spencer's when he came back to stand beside him. They both took in the sight in front of them. You were laying in the bathtub, wearing one of Luke's shirts and one of Spencer's boxers. Tears brimming in both of their eyes as Luke was the first one to approach you, carefully and slowly kneeling down beside the tub.

Before he turned himself to you, he looked at Spencer once again. "Baby can you go and grab some clean and dry clothes and make us a tea?", he asked him. Spencer nodded slightly before turning on his heels, determined to get you the comfiest clothes he could find before bringing them back to the bathroom and heading towards the kitchen. Once he made his way there he started to boil the water, putting in a tea bag of your favorite teas in your three matching mugs. While Spencer was making you all a cup of tea and preparing some snacks, Luke slowly took one of your hands in his, making you look up at him, a small genuine smile on his face.

He knew that you weren't able to form a word right now so he decided to just ask you "yes or no" questions, making it as easy as possible for you. "Why don't we get you out of the tub, huh sweetheart? Do you think I can drain the water?", his voice as soft as it could be. You nodded, slightly tugging on his hand. You wanted to feel him closer. Knowing what you wanted, Luke pulled out the plug to let the water out of the tub, moving a bit closer, putting both of his big hands on the sides of your face. "We're so sorry bub, we really are. We're gonna explain everything, I promise but now let's get you all dry and in comfy clothes again. Does that sound good?", he asked again. Earning another nod from you as your eyes glanced up at Spencer who was standing in the door, looking at Luke and you with all the love in his eyes.

Luke stood up slowly which caused you to whimper, gripping his hand even more, not wanting to lose his contact. "Shh bub, I'm not going anywhere, I was just standing up so I can help you out okay?" Luke was pulling you up with him so you were standing on your shaking legs, barely able to hold your weight yourself, but luckily Luke was there to hold you. He carefully lifted you out, still holding you when he placed your feet to the floor, nodding his head towards spencer. He walked into the bathroom, carefully removing the cold, wet and heavy clothes from your still shaking figure. As soon as Spencer had you stripped out of your clothes he wrapped a towel around you, carefully drying you up. Both of your boyfriends were whispering small encouragements. Luke always told you what a good girl you are, how much he loves you, how he could never even think about leaving you, telling you that you were the love of his life (of course Spencer too). When it came to Spencer he always rambled about how it wasn't physically possible to love someone as much as he loves the both of you, always rambling small facts about love and your favorite interests.

As soon as you were back in one of Luke's hoodies and one of Spencer's checkered pyjama pants and some fuzzy socks (mismatching as it has to be), the two men led you over to the couch. Spencer had lit up every single candle he found in the apartment, making the living room feel all cozy and not too bright. Once all of you were sitting down, you snuggled up with Luke. "We're really sorry that we weren't here on your last birthday but we can explain it, we really can. It may sound crazy but it's the truth. and of course we didn't forget your birthday sweetheart, as soon as we knew who the unsub was, we took the next flight and came home. We love you with all of our heart and we promise you and we're never going to miss another birthday of yours. We planned on taking some days off, going on vacation, just the three of us. how does that sound bub?", it was Spencer who was speaking this time and instead of a nod, they actually got a real answer. "I-I'd really like that", your voice was just a whisper, still a bit sore from all the crying. Spencer and Luke both smiled as they each kissed one of your cheeks.

This was the moment a small smile was finally creeping its way on your lips. the fact that both your men were home, on your birthday, taking care of you, planning on going on a vacation, was all it took to overshadow the dark thoughts in your mind.

[zephycluster]

Precolonial HWS SEA Rant Post, feel free to ignore

If you're still reading, then you're probably looking for evidence or some juicy tidbits to throw back at me or to try and find dirt to cancel me, like typical Tumblr/Twitter. Go ahead, I don't really care.

First off, let me just say that If you like Precolonial South-East Asia AUs, feel free to keep enjoying them. I will respectfully support your passions from afar. This post is just to explain why I don't like it, especially the way they keep insisting/portraying PH in it.

Still here? Then let me begin.

Since the recent confirmation that the ASEAN Six Majors (Can't really say ASEAN 10 atm since it's still missing some people) Were completed and the Ma-Phil-Indo Trio was included, there has been a large surge in 'Precolonial' fanarts and portrayals of South East Asians, those three especially.

Even long, long before, circa 2010's ish, a rather well-known fan universe known as 'Maaf' dealt with their story and how their Author thought their intertwined histories went. Written by (my best guesstimate) an Indonesian writer who wants to explore the old, SEA bond.

When I first stumbled across Maaf (I was in Highschool at the time, around age 16-ish), I took a casual interest in it and tried to read it through. But, I will wholeheartedly admit that at the time, Pre-Colonial cultures of South-East Asia in general, let alone Philippine, did not really interest me that much. The focus (I think) was mostly on Indonesia, a country I didn't really know back then, and the liberal use of 'ancient' names and artwork just made it feel like an entirely Original Work (that needed a degree in History to really appreciate) and not something from Hetalia. I also completely disagreed with what I could gather was the story's portrayal of PH but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Do I hate 'Maaf'? No, I don't hate it. Do I wish I never came across it or that it didn't exist? Of course not. Just because I didn't enjoy it or appreciate it that well doesn't mean I wish any ill toward it, its fans, or its creator.

Fast forward to April 2021, the long awaited inclusion of South East Asia to the canon Hetalia verse. I was happy, the other fans were happy, all was good.

Then started the questionable fanarts, fan theories and fan pairings.

Especially the expansion of Precolonial! PH.

Let's go back to Maaf for one moment. From what I understood of Maaf, PH there was a character who once was like all the other South East Asian cultures, trading with them, all around being a nice family.

But all that changed when the Spaniards attacked, so cry the precolonial buffs. They destroyed everything, ransacked and marginalized the tribes, erased everything that PH was!

Did that happen? ABSOLUTELY. The Spaniards had this vision in mind that they must spread Christianity to all of the 'savage, unchristian heathens' of their realm. :V /s

But back up a second, back to PH's portrayal in Maaf. The way she (yeah, she) was portrayed there was that she was slowly losing her memories of being a 'true' South East Asian and grew more and more westernized in the process, like some sort of Culture-specific Alzheimer's or something.

Firstly, that is seriously depressing, and secondly, I just really don't see that happening.

Here's why.

Point 1: Even before Colonial Masters, Filipinos as a people cannot agree on anything.

I'll just begin this segment with a Philippine proverb that outlines what Filipinos call 'Crab Mentality' or 'Crab Bucket Mentality'.

"You don't need a lid for a container when you're keeping multiple crabs. If you keep at least two crabs together, they will just pull each other down instead of helping each other up."

I don't know how it goes with Indonesian or Malaysian history class, but what I know of my homeland, both pre- and post-colonial history, we were never really 'united' or 'together' in the sense that Indonesia and Malaysia were (from what I assume).

Let me pull up a somewhat related question on r/AskHistorians.

The reason I brought this up as it shows the reasons why, in my opinion, a single entity that is 'Precolonial Philippines-tan' is an impossibility.

The answers are long and would extend this already long post to stupid proportions, so I'll just quote relevant sentences. The link is here for those that wanna deep-dive into the answer.

"All this to say that there wasn't a name used for the entire Philippine islands before the Philippines that people now would agree to. An interesting comparison would be the Holy Roman Empire, which might also be characterized as disparate politico-geographic groups of relatively small size that had a history of relations between each other, but one thing they had that the Philippines did not was a common language, or at least a family of mostly mutually intelligible languages, so that the name Deutschland or Germany isn't terribly offensive to anyone. If you called the Philippines the 'Lupang-Tagalog' or even 'Lupang-Tao' the other ethnic groups would protest."

For those in need of translation, 'Lupang Tagalog' means 'Land of the Tagalogs' and 'Lupang Tao' means 'Land of People', specifically. The first one is already exclusive and offensive, as the Tagalog peoples are but one of many ethnicities here.

And for the 'Lupang Tagalog' suggestion specifically, it's even more offensive as they are the majority ethnicity (not by much, just around 28%) From this chart from Geography Now! It would basically be alienating everyone else in the 72% remainder that isn't 'Tagalog'.

And even 'Lupang Tao', the most generic name in a local language you can think of, would be met with contempt because the name itself is in the Tagalog language.

Just travelling between two individual island groups today would sometimes require a translator because the words can change very rapidly and very drastically. Here's a sample of some differences coming from a friend living in Visayas (in Red) vs. the words I know living in Luzon (In blue).

Ate vs. Manang = Older Sister

Ibon vs. Pispis = Bird

Tumawa vs. Kadlaw = To laugh

Takot vs. Hadlok = Fear

Kain vs. Kaon = To eat

Ngayon vs. Subong = Now, at this point in time

Iyak vs. Hibi/Gibi = to cry

Talampakan vs. Tiil = Foot (in Tagalog, the word retains its 'body part AND unit of measurement' meaning)

Tulog vs. Tuyo = to sleep (Tuyo in Tagalog is either a dried salted fish or 'to dry')

The kicker is that just like Tagalog is just one of many languages here, so too is the language my friend speaks. Ask an entirely new person, like someone from Mindanao, they'll probably have an entirely new set of words.

It's not just Luzon vs. Visayas vs. Mindanao, either. Here's a map listing some of the ethnic groups here.

Even the way they're written differs from location to location.

While we're on the subject of Island divisions, a casual skim across Twitter and Tumblr has shown that their Precolonial PH has been one of the following ancient civilizations: Tondo, Butuan, Sugbu, Namayan. There may have been others but that was what I have found.

Notice how even today, the posters of Precolonial PH can't seem to agree on what he's supposed to be? With Indonesia it's either Majapahit or Srivijaya and Malaysia it's usually Malacca iirc.

What is the big deal? Well, let's go back to the Ask Historians post. "Why didn't the Philippines ever change its name to remove the colonial mark that being named after a Spanish King has?" The answer: "If you suggested something dating to precolonial times, the other ethnic groups would protest."

Since we're on a roll with maps, let me bring this up.

As you can see, the precolonial PH posts have a reason to not be able to agree on one thing, as there is a LOT of options. Do you also see how THAT list is also split up?

It's split up into those aligned with China (Sinified), aligned with India (Indianized), aligned with the Middle East (Islamicized), and no alignment (Animist). Now, let's go back to the main suggestions for which Kingdom/Polity/Civilization/whatever Modern Philippines used to be.

If the Filipino peoples' couldn't agree on something as simple as WHAT TO CALL THE LAND THEY'RE LIVING ON, what more a living, breathing, walking, talking entity that is supposed to be a beacon of all of their 'unified' culture? ESPECIALLY if that entity used to be a currently existing Kingdom/Polity/Rajahnate/Sultanate/whatever.

Tondo? "Of course, always the damn Tagalogs. Tagalog this, Tagalog that. First the capital city, then the language,* THE REST OF US EXIST, YOU KNOW! What about us in Visayas? Mindanao?"

*The national language known as 'Filipino' is just standardized Tagalog*

Butuan? "Wait, you want Butuan to represent us? They're they only Indian-aligned city in the Islam-majority Mindanao! They're not even that many of them! I'm not gonna change my religion!"

Sugbu, the other name for the Rajahnate of Cebu on the map? Lemme bring back my Visayan friend again. According to her, she hails from the Hiligaynon part of Visayas.

"Sure :v and the other islands are what?

Chopped liver?

Not to mention the language and writing barrier helloooo"

And Namayan? Well. I'll let this pic speak for itself.

To summarize, no matter who you pick as Modern PH's previous identity, it will not end well nor be accepted by the other Kingdoms at the time.

"So where does that leave Modern PH, he had to have been ONE of them, right?"

Well, not really. He doesn't HAVE to be one of the Ancient Kingdoms that lasted till the modern day. I mean, predecessor representatives exist in Hetalia canon, after all. Like Modern Greece is a different character from Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt and Modern Egypt, heck even England and his brothers have a canon mother that was the rep before them.

Or you could even use the same logic that Germany does, in that each specific region has/had its own representative and that Modern!PH is just the 'mediator' between them (cause gawd does PH need one). There could be a Tondo, a Namayan, a Butuan, and a Sugbu, all arguing and this Proto-PH is just trying to make headway in making them all satisfied.

But, even after all this, there is another reason why I personally don't subscribe to the 'Precolonial PH' idea, and by tangential extension, the Indo x Phil pairing.

Point 2: Even without intending to, Precolonial Indo x Phil just comes off as patronizing

This second point is just ENTIRELY personal preference and barely has any facts to back it up.

Again, if you like the pairing and disagree with me, You do you. I will respectfully support you and your passions from a distance.

But for me, Indo being Phil's seme/bae/boyfriend and consistently bringing up precolonial times just comes off as patronizing.

Just one more time, I'd like to point out that I am NOT bashing Indonesia, its people or the subscribers of Indo x Phil. This is just how the pairing feels to ME specifically.

The way I see it, Indo x Phil as a pairing, especially if it extends back into precolonial times, reads the same way as a long-since married couple where the husband/wife CONSTANTLY brings up that ONE outing you had together, or that ONE prom night where you kissed while dancing, even it happened like 30 some-odd years ago and so much more happened since then.

Even in a platonic sense, It reads like two besties where one ALWAYS mentions stuff like 'Yeah but you looked so much cooler back in High School' or 'Back in Grade School you would've known that', or 'Remember back in Pre-school we did X? How could you forget that?'

How does one respond to the notion that no matter what you do now, it will never compare to a past you've already forgotten or barely remember? That the best version of 'you' is already long gone?

"That's because the westerners made you forget your culture! You gotta take it back!"

While it is true, yes, as a collective we barely remember the Kingdom that commissioned the Laguna Copperplate, or created the Banaue Rice Terraces, or created the millennia old bonds that we still share with Indonesia and Malaysia.

But to keep pushing the precolonial identity would be to neglect and cast aside the one REAL binding belief and culture that spans the entirety of these islands we call the Philippines.

We take on all the bad stuff that happens to us, conquer it, and make it our own. Be it natural disasters, foreign powers, or negative stereotypical mentalities.

Yes, we've forgotten the ancient kingdoms of old and are just now digging through the closet for those remnants of the past. Yes, the colonizers imposed that on us, and made us forget. But in the process we've also taken everything that they left behind, everything that they threw at us, and created something that can only come from us.

The lanterns that the Spaniards used to light the way to the morning masses they made us attend became our globally known symbol of Christmas. The junked vehicles that the Americans left behind in World War 2 are now rolling works of art that announce themselves loud and proud on the streets (for better or for worse). The iced dessert recipe that the Japanese forced us to learn while they were occupying the country is now so distinct and famous it is synonymous with us, and is so delicious even Italy has taken notice.

Even after all this? Even after all the 425-ish years total we have been under a foreign power, with all the progress we've made as a country, a people, and a nation, you would still imply our fragmented, jigsaw puzzle state of being in the past was better just because it was pure 'South East Asian' like everyone else?

We might not be as well put-together as Indonesia or Malaysia, but we made this melting pot of angry, leg-pulling, dogpiling, Native, Mestizo, Chinoy, and Fil-Am crabs OURS, damnit!

It's now 4:30 AM and I have work in 5 or so hours. I'll be going to sleep now.

[gwaean]

The Rescuers  

Part One: “Old acquaintances meet again"

 Summary: You are a mandalorian rebel friends with Captain Rex so you are well aware of the entire "clone situation" going on. And of course you want to help as much as you can. You then go to Ryloth trying to help the Syndulla's and maybe find your old friend Cody. 

 Pairing: None. Yet. But will be a Crosshair x Reader.

 Gender: There'll be no mentions of gender or pronouns on this part yet. Though further in the story it might have she/they pronouns used.

 Word count: 1.6k

 Tags: Injury recover, post-clone wars story, rescuing clones/friends, a bit of melancholy?

 Warning: Brief description of injury.

 Notes: So, I literally dreamed most parts of this story (I know, crazy Star Wars obsession here). I filled up some parts as I was writing of course. And it turned out a bit like a beautiful sad tragic. I might even do a playlist for this fanfic actually. Hope u enjoy it :) 

 The war, the republic, the jedi all have ended. Literally on the same day. And what it seemed like a fresh start, finally a moment of peace in the chaos turned into nightmares. You weren’t there when it happened, you just heard the news of Obi-Wan saying the jedi order and the republic had fallen and you also heard the now Emperor Palpatine telling everyone that the clone wars has ended and the jedi were traitor, they’ve tried to assassinate him according to well… himself. And now he’s forming this new galactic empire, giving people numbers like the ones clones used to have and killing off any resistance against this new order. Everyone seemed to believe him, you gotta give him that he was a pretty damn’ good  liar indeed. But you knew better than that. You are mandalorian after all and were friends with no one less than Duchess Satine and Senator Padmé. You helped them countless times in their diplomatics and you even fought with the jedi and the clones at times. They were good people, yes, the order might have messed up at lot but traitors? Murders? They sure didn’t deserve to die like that and I guess… No one does.

  You quickly then joined the rebellion. There you found many of former politics like Senator Organa and even a clone… Captain Rex (or is it Commander now?). You’ve met him once before and he seemed like a good person and looks like he’s really a great man just like you thought. You soon became friends. But sadly, the other clones you knew before like Cody were still with the empire. Though both you and Rex were very determinate to help others like him. And also, obviously, protect your allies against the empire.

  Well, as expected trouble begins. There’s been rumors about what’s going in Ryloth with the Syndulla’s and the empire occupation. Worried about them and their people, you go there to help as you can. And if there’s need, you’d call more rebels to help too though you didn’t want to envolve more people yet because you’re afraid of the reaction it could cause ( and what that would cost for ryloth and its people). You also have a tiny tiny hope that maybe just maybe Cody could be there.

  Arriving in Ryloth, you discover the Syndulla family have indeed oppose agains the empire occupation and they’ve went into a lot of trouble because of that but apparently a group of mercenaries (?) have already rescued them from the prison they were sent to. One less problem for you to fix I guess. You were glad for them but you still want to spy a little on the empire and see what you could find out after all, the trip couldn’t be for nothing.

  You find your way and get to a particular high hill with a great view of one imperial base. You pick up your binoculars and the only person you see in a sort of balcony is a very depressive-looking Crosshair. You remember him from that one time clone force 99 saved your butt from the mess you’ve yourself in. He was… quite unfriendly, let’s say. But he did get the job done and made sure you were okay so you just ignored his behavior. Looking at him now it was looking at a shadow of him. 

   It made you remember what Rex told you once: 

“We clones were all created with this chip thing in our my minds. We were made for the war and the war only but apparently someone thought it would be great if they let us think we've got free will. That we could be anything we wanted to be after the war. So we made friends, some of us found a family with our jedi. They let we hope. Just so we have all of that taken away from us with order 66. The war had ended for everyone except for us. We had our will taken from us, our minds controlled by this chip and we had to follow orders. While we're still there conscious of what we were doing we had to kill the people we fought together the entire war. I remember her face... I'm so glad she didn't see my face. I couldn't bare.” 

 Thinking about what all the clones been through, you can’t just leave him like this. He did save you once and this was your chance to repay that. Rex keeps saying we can’t save everyone (more to himself than to you) but one person is better than nobody, right?  At the time you improvise a plan: neither the empire nor Cross can’t know yet that you’re a rebel. You haven’t done anything yet incriminating (at least not that they were aware of). So you can just jump in there where he was standing and talk to him. Worst case scenario he ignores you. However you sure knew how to annoy him enough that at least he would call you out and when that happens you act. Ok, that you still have to figure out exactly how you would act. Well, half of a plan is better than no plan.

  You just jump in behind his back and of course he points his gun at you as expected. But he apparently recognizes who it’s standing in front of him and put his riffle down. 

   “ Hello there.”  You say.

   “What do you think you’re doing?”  He replies.

   “Oh, please, don’t act like you aren’t happy to see me.” 

     He gives you a faint of a smile. “Don’t flatter yourself.” 

     You smiled back. “But seriously, what you’re doing here all alone? And why- You finally noticed the burn mark on his now bald head. - are you like this? Doesn’t the empire takes care of its soldiers? Nor your squad? The bad batch, right? That’s what you called yourselves?” 

     His face closes again. “You have nothing to do with that. I’m-” 

     “By yourself?” You pause for a moment. “Alright, I get it. You’ve probably been through a lot. We all have. Not sure why you’re like this but it doesn’t matter right now. I just wonder… Don’t you want to get out of all of this?” 

     Cross pauses for a moment. It seems like he's considering the possibility. “I… I can’t.” 

     “But…”  You then think. You remind yourself of how protective he was that one time you were saved by them. Maybe this instinct was still there, you had to try. You saw a pointed rock close to where you were standing and decided that you would accidentally cut yourself. “Ouch!” 

    “What’s up?” 

    “Oh! Nothing! Just might have cut myself here.” You show your hand now with a bit bigger than you expected cut and some blood.

     He almost laughs at it. “What a little clumsy one you are, eh?” 

     His mocking at you, that’s something, right? “Yeah, I guess….” 

     “Well, let’s go?”  He points to the door.

     “Go where?” 

     “Don’t you wanna take care of that, sweetheart?” 

     “Right, medical bay then?” 

     “Obviously.”  Perfect. He would be right where you needed him to be.

  The both of you enter the facility and walk directly to the medical bay. The empire base is pretty much a bland dark and boring military base with some troopers walking around, some commanders (you think) yelling at the soldiers and some droids doing whatever they have to do. You knew only that they were “r - unities” but droids weren’t exactly your area of expertise. However you do notice that the troopers walking around still wear the same clone armor from back the war. And you feel guilty. Because as much as you’d like you won’t be able to help them all. They’ll stay there with their chips on being controlled by the empire…. By the force, that was a hole guilty trip you knew you shouldn’t take. It wasn’t your fault. No, no. They did this. Palpatine and his men were the monsters. Not you. And certainly not these poor clones. One day, yes, one day maybe you could come back and save them?

 “Hmmm…. You wanna me to do this?”  Cross says. You were so distracted in your thoughts you don’t even realized you were already in the medical bay.

 “Oh. You don’t have to.” 

 “It's fine. I’m used to do this anyway.” 

  “Ok. Be my guest then?” 

  “Wow, you’re so funny.” He jokes.

  “Whatever. Just do your thing.” 

  “Give me your hand.”  

 You give him your hand and he takes it. And to your surprise he’s very gentle while taking care of your wound. He applies some alcohol pads to clean the wound. And as he presses the wound to stop the bleeding you reach for your gun and keep looking at his face. His very concentrated. It’s almost like the rest of the galaxy doesn’t matter. He’s only there at the moment focused on helping you. And you’re trying to plan how you’re gonna knock him out to take his chip off.

 “Now I’m gonna get some stuff to make a bandage for ya, ok?” He says and turns his back. Now is you chance. You turn your blaster to stun only and shoots. He falls. 

 “I’m sorry. But there’s no other way.” You whisper as if he’s actually listening. 

 It takes some effort (seriously, Crosshair's heavier than he looks) but you manage to put him on one these surgical stretchers. You also have to learn super quick how to use the pad control to see where the chip’s in and take it off. But it’s done. And you wait and wait… For what it seemed like hours though it was only like 15 minutes.

And he wakes up very confused.

[crabat-the-queen]

♬♩♪♩ 𝘑𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦 𝘐𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦 ♩♪♩♬

Movie: Pitch Perfect 1 Love interest: Jesse Swanson

Some info before start: (Y/N) = your name (Y/F/N) = your full name (H/C) = your hair color (H/L) = your hair length (E/C) = your eye color (F/C) = your favorite color (Y/R/N) = your racer name

WARNINGS!!: CURSING, MENTIONS OF GUNS

You just got a text from your roommate Cynthia-Rose that the auditions for the Bellas are now, so right now you are hurrying like a 'madwoman' (A/N: 'Grenade by Bruno Mars' don't mind me) to get ready for the auditions, and you knew that you were going to be late. Once you finally found some presentable clothes you ran out the door of your shared dorm and locked it and sprinting down to where the auditions were. Once you got there you saw Cynthia-Rose standing at the side of the stage.

"Hey, Cynth!" You ran over to her.

"Hi (Y/N). Hurry out on the stage they are closing soon!" She said. You nodded and walked slowly onto the stage.

"Hi, can I audition?" You asked the two boys on the stage.

"Of course. Good luck." The small one said. You nodded again today. You walked out towards the middle of the stage, once you got there, you took a quick look at the groups.

"Hi I'm (Y/F/N), I'm going to sing Hurt by Christina Aguilera." You smiled but got interrupted by a sweet ginger on the front row.

"Are you sure? That is a hard song to sing, you can choose another if you want to?" The ginger asked.

"No, no I'm fine." You shifted your weight to both feet to stand better. You took a deep breath, and began to sing.

 You hit all the nodes (can't remember what it's called). After you finished, you waited for some seconds before opening your eyes. The sight made you smile, and look down at your feet, some had tears in their eyes, but everyone had their mouths wide open. Then they all began to clap and applaud you. Then the small boy walked up to you with the big boy following.

"Girl you can sing, you sing just like Christina Aguilera, how the hell did you do that?" The small boy asked me.

"I don't know, I just can." With that, you walked off, and tackled Cynthia-Rose in a hug.

"Girl I didn't know you could sing that damn well! Why didn't you tell me?" Cynthia asked me. Once you pulled away from the hug.

"I just learned it, I can also beatbox and rap."

"Uhm excuse me." Someone tapped you on your shoulder. You turned around to be met with two brown eyes. "Hi."

"Hi!" You said with a happy tone.

"I just wanted to say that you are an amazing singer, like wow!" He said, you blushed at his words. "And you are really pretty." He added, now you blushed even harder.

"Th-Thanks! I'm (Y/N)." You stuck your hand out.

"I'm Jesse." He shook my hand firmly.

"It was really nice to meet you, and I would love to hear your audition, but I was a little bit, okay maybe a lot lately." You glared at Cynthia-Rose, then looked at Jesse.

"It wasn't my fault, that you were late alright." Cynthia said.

"Yeah yeah." You rolled your eyes. "I'm gonna go, but you owe me an audition, Jesse." You smirked at him. You waved at him and followed Cynthia-Rose back to your dorms.

(Meanwhile 3'rd POV) All the acapella groups wanted (y/n) on their team, even the high notes. There was chaos at the auditions, everyone yelled at each other. You are maybe wondering why didn't the Bella's just get her? Well, she didn't give information on which group that she wanted to be in.

"We want her!" Aubrey screamed. Bella's leader.

"No! We want her!" Bumper screamed at the Bella's.

After many hours of yelling (and fighting), the Treblemakers won her.

Donald was getting her.

(Your POV) Right now Cynthia-Rose we're at the snack bar, and you were sitting in a comfortable chair by your desk in your shared dorm. Christina Aguilera's song's blasting through your headphones there hangs loosely around your neck. You didn't hear that the door opened. Suddenly a bag was placed over your head, you quickly removed the headphones and said:

"I have a taser and I am not scared of using it, I can also handle a gun!" You pulled out your taser from your pocket in your jeans.

"Easy baby bubble." You recognized the voice as one of the Treblemakers, but you didn't let go of the taser, just in case. Soon he lifted you up in bridal style.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" You whisper yelled.

"Just relax."

"It's kinda hard to relax when I don't know where we are headed, and I have a bag over my fucking head!"

"The bag is going off soon, now don't talk."

"Whatever." You said annoyed. There were some voices you couldn't quite hear. Then you were placed down on the floor. You stood and twirled your taser in your left hand.

"Our new members of the Treblemakers. Jesse and (Y/N)." Then then the bag was lifted off your head, you looked around and saw Jesse standing beside you.

"Welcome new treble." Bumper said. You nodded still with your taser in hand.

"(Y/N) can I ask you something?" Donald said.

"Sure."

"Was it right that you have a taser and can handle a gun?" You nodded and showed the taser and started it.

"I can also combat, and fight like a street fighter. Anymore questions?" You asked.

"Do you have a gun?" Greg asked. You just nodded. "Can I see it."

"Sorry sweetcheeks and I don't want babies around my babies. But shouldn't I be a Bella? This is an all-male group, last time I checked."

"Yes but we had a huge fight and we won, so here you are." Bumper said. You turned around and looked at Jesse.

"Well hello Jesse, you must be good since you are here." You smirked.

"Yeah and you already know that you are good, so no doubt that you could kill it in an all-male acapella group." He smiled. We had an intense staring contest, no one blinked.

You looked away from him to Bumper. "So Bumper what now?"

Love: your writer

[bbugyu]

if you wanted to go to the moon, he would take you there.

plot twist | crash zoom | happy ending

16.1k (lol) | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, suggestive, reader is ace lol, youtuber au, chef au, swearing, drinking, detailed descriptions of meals, mentions of past trauma including sexual assault, i swear it's not that deep, lots of implied sex but none on screen (yet), watching movies and playing video games, yes i am trying to set up all my friends, would anyone get it if i said r&r

welcome to part two of classic!! please enjoy this tooth rotting relationship garbo in which i basically announce to the world that i have a disgusting crush on joshua. posting this later than intended but i started working five tens so i'm 😅 a little tired lol. but joshua makes it ok <3

when you mentioned offhandedly that you had never had bibimbap in jeonju, joshua practically dropped the groceries he was helping you bring up the elevator.

"how long have you been in korea?" he asked.

you looked at him, wide eyed. "four years?"

he squinted at you, jutting his jaw out. "and you've never gone to jeonju? it's, like, the food hub of korea. how the hell?"

"i…" you laughed, exiting the elevator when the doors opened. "i don't know? it's never been top priority, i guess?"

"okay, well it is now," he stated plainly, following you to your door while you adjusted your bags in your hands to punch in the code. as soon as the groceries were safely on your counter, he pulled out his phone. "friday to sunday?"

you looked up from the vegetables in your hands. "what?"

he looked at you. "we're going. this weekend? i need to reserve the ktx tickets."

you laughed. "this weekend? joshua, it's wednesday."

"okay, next weekend?"

you stared at him a second, purely because you were in disbelief. "no, i have a demonstration next saturday."

he exhaled, looking at the calendar on his phone. "okay, and jamie's birthday party is the weekend after, so," he paused, looking at you through his lashes. "this weekend?"

you pushed your hands onto the counter and sighed heavily. "when would we leave?"

he grinned, knowing that meant he had won you over. "after i get off work? i can be here by 3:30."

"how long is the train?"

"uhh," he quickly searched for the tickets. "two hours. less than. we can buy snacks for the ride and have dinner when we get there."

you chewed your lip. "i have to edit on sunday, so we can't stay all day."

he nodded, inspecting the time table for tickets. "stay two nights, leave after breakfast?"

you considered that for a second. "i could bring my laptop and export footage on the train."

a smile crept across his face when you puffed out your cheeks in thought. "is that a yes?"

your cheeks deflated as you exhaled. "fine."

"yeah?" joshua grinned at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and tugging you into his chest. "jeonju this weekend?"

you exhaled again, your arms reluctantly winding around his torso. "yeah. jeonju this weekend."

"you're gonna love it," he said, pressing his lips against your temple. "i helped on an article about hole in the wall finds there years ago, so i know all the good spots."

you giggled, pulling away to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "you used to write for the magazine?"

he shook his head at you. "when i was interning."

"aw," you poked at his cheek. "intern joshie?"

he rolled his eyes, separating himself from you as you giggled, and he looked at you slyly from the corner of his eye. "joshie?"

you grinned, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. "joshie!"

he laughed and batted away your hands. "joshie?"

you: i think i'm finally packed

joshie: i don't understand why it was so difficult when we're going for Two Days.

you: 😡

joshie: 😘

as promised, he arrived at your apartment in a cab and stubbornly took your roller suitcase despite your insistence that you could handle it. joshua was always doing things like this - for you, you imagined, he would probably even lay down his jacket in a puddle so you wouldn't have to walk through it. but at the same time, he wouldn't fault you for kicking his jacket aside and purposefully jumping in it instead. he would probably join you, even.

he had joked with you that this would be like a work trip for you, but only because he was the one that suggested you film - plus, he reminded you, filming a full video this weekend meant that you didn't have to film next week. and to be perfectly frank, you wanted the break. if you could have a weekend getaway with joshua and then a week long break to have a normal routine without a camera, it was a win-win.

equipped with coffee and cafe sandwiches, you casually kicked your feet and happily sipped at your americano as you edited a picture of it for your instagram story. joshua sat beside you, also doing something on his phone, and you watched him with no intention as he pulled his airpods out of his coat jacket and offered one to you. you looked at him, smiling when he gestured with the open case again.

"i made a playlist," he said quietly as you put the airpod into your ear. he took the one you left and did the same, tapping on his phone.

the thought of joshua hearing a song and thinking of you making your chest flutter to life, the heat rising through you until you were left in a comfortable glow, smiling softly at him as a melody started in your ear. he looked back at you, double taking slightly when he realized you were looking at him.

"what's that look for?" he asked, a sideways grin breaking his face in half.

you shook your head, unable to change your face. "that's, just... really nice."

"making a playlist?" he hummed, settling back in his seat as you stuck your straw between your lips. "i didn't consciously do it. i just started a list of songs to show you because i thought you would like them, and this ended up being a good time to share it."

you sighed dramatically, falling back against the window of the train. "that's even nicer, you dickhead!" he laughed, shushing you and looking around, worried someone might have understood your slightly-above-inside-voice exclamation. "i know for a fact i didn't do anything to deserve the sweetest, handsomest, loveliest boyfriend on the planet, so what's the catch, mr. hong?"

his eyes went to the ceiling as he thought, kneading his lips once before saying, "i think you forgot funniest, too."

"ah," you said, a dry chuckle following the realization. "that's the catch."

"hey!" he laughed, eyes big as he pretended to be offended. "i know i'm funny!"

you giggled with him, mentally noting that you liked the song that he was playing. that he must have somehow picked up on why you liked the music you did. you thought about how you had the same thought, sometimes, when you were listening to music alone in your room and a song popped up on your discovery that sounded like something he would listen to. how you would immediately text them to him, knowing you would forget if you didn't send it right away, and he would react with some assortment of positive emojis. how he must have been doing the same thing, but wanted to be there when you heard them, and didn't have the same flighty memory as you. you brought your straw to your lips again, staring after him as he adjusted something in his bag, taking too long to refocus your attention to story you had been trying to post.

he later nudged you, getting your attention as you responded to an email on your phone, gesturing his finger with the melody, and you gave him a childlike look of awe, as if to tell him that yes, you agreed, this was exactly the kind of run you really enjoyed. he pounded a fist against his knee at the beats, pointing up at the key change, and you exploded into a stifled laugh, your palm covering your mouth. he laughed with you before he showed you the now playing page on his phone, holding it open dutifully as you quickly searched for it to add to your own library.

as promised, joshua provided great insight for the food tour the two of you set out on. travel day, he had told you, meant that you would have something easy - bibimbap and makgeolli at two of the best places he knew, apparently. by the time you made it back to the hotel room you had checked into before headed to the bar, you just about collapsed onto the queen bed.

"i'm so full," you exhaled, eyes dancing across the ceiling. "i'm never gonna move again."

joshua just laughed at you, toeing both of your shoes aside at the door before shuffling into slippers. "we have a full day of eating tomorrow, so you better move."

you let our a breathy laugh, rolling your head to watch as he flopped onto the bed beside you. "i'm glad you also plan trips around the meals."

he gave you a puzzled look. "is there another way to plan a trip?"

you rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under your head to look at him. "some people like sightseeing. or activities."

his brows were still ruffled in confusion as he looked away from you. "i like looking at food. and the activity of eating food."

you giggled, and his face finally broke to reveal the bewilderment had been a bit all along, his smiling laugh meeting yours.

you walked a lot the next day, and you were grateful for the light exercise to help your digestion a bit between meals. the local famous kalguksu for breakfast, a visit to a cafe for coffee before walking down a historical street together. you filmed with a smile on your face, shaking your americano for camera with a colorful background, just for you to pull down the drink and let the beautiful buildings and trees take the focus.

joshua could watch you forever, he was pretty sure. watching you conceptualise what you wanted this out of the ordinary video to look like, seeing the way you managed to be present with him, joking and giggling on your scenic walk, but squeezed his hand in warning before letting go, telling him quietly you wanted to get a shot. he had seen the way you filmed food, and how you filmed your kitchen, which was incredible in its own right, but this was the first time he got to see your process on the fly. when you went to work, as it were, taking in your scenery and deciding the way you wanted to portray it - more thought went into this than filming at the same barbeque restaurant for the fifth time, but joshua saw the similarities in the way your eyes twinkled when you saw something through your camera lens for the first time, even if only the first time that day. the way you would review the footage quickly, smiling at the way it turned out, but announcing that you were taking a second shot for safety.

then, he took you to another restaurant.

you barely noticed the passage of time, but when he conveniently "happened" upon the next stop on your food tour, you were pretty sure your stomach growled at the thought of eating an insane amount of dumplings, and you smiled at him in a way that made him want to cause it constantly.

if having your pick at dumplings was enough to make you giddy like a child, the night market was life altering. the food stalls were set up like they always were friday and saturday nights, joshua told you, and that meant you got to experience korean street food in a way you hadn't yet. you found the best pad thai you had ever eaten, succumbed to the tempting smell of grilled squid when passing a busy stall, and you even got served alcohol practically in passing, the specialty liquor being offered in a way that was hard for either of you to say no to. after a few too many, you had to stop joshua before he dragged you to a choco pie stall.

"we should eat more first," you said, gesturing to a woman making hashbrowns on a griddle. "while we have free hands. loop back around for dessert and buy some for the road."

joshua tapped his nose, then wagged his finger at you. "smart and hot."

you laughed, pulling him towards the hashbrown stall.

that night, you laid in bed beside each other, talking like you hadn't just spent literally the entire day together. recalling highlights of the day, sharing related anecdotes with assorted friends and family. you didn't even want to sleep - your body did, sure, clearly, by the way it kept interrupting your conversation with yawns. joshua would laugh, then yawn in response, and tell you that you should sleep. you would shake your head, a pout on your lips, and he would just smile and keep talking about whatever the yawn had interrupted.

being in bed with joshua wasn't demanding, nor was it uncomfortable, and you were pretty sure that meant something good.

you were making curry. he had mentioned that it looked good while you were watching some show the week prior and you couldn't get it out of your head. so, even though it was midsummer and far too warm for something as hearty as japanese curry, you decided you needed to make it anyway, if only for your own peace of mind. you invited joshua over to cook dinner for him, and he asked where your camera was when he arrived with your requested potatoes (you had some, except they were older than you thought and started sprouting), but you told him you weren't filming tonight.

"this ones for us," you said matter of factly, giggling when he looked shocked. "i don't film every meal, y'know. sometimes i cook things just for me."

he watched you dump the potatoes into the sink to wash. "what if it ends up being really pretty?"

"josh," you said, looking at him. "i don't make things that aren't pretty."

he asked if you needed help with anything, but you just shook your head and told him to relax. that you had made this a million times, and that you could do it with your eyes closed. he asked again if you were sure, and you laughed, scrubbing potatoes and using your shoulder to get your hair out of your face.

"actually," you said, raising the wrist on which you kept a hair tie. "do you know how? my hands are wet."

joshua smiled and nodded, coming over and pulling the tie off your wrist, careful to not get it too wet on your hand. "how high?"

"ariana," you said, making him laugh as you giggled. "as high as you can manage, but i don't really care."

he just smiled, taking your hair in his hands as you washed the potatoes one by one, and you tried to ignore the way you heart skipped a beat when you felt his touch drift across the back of your neck. he gently gathered it all in one palm at the crown of your skull, brushing through it with his fingers. "here?"

"perfect," you said, chewing your cheek and smiling. he pulled the band over your hair, tying it off tightly and pulled at the hair gently to keep it in place.

his hands glided over your waist, leading his arms to wrap around you as his chin landed on your shoulder. "not too tight?"

you shook your head, smiling. "you're multi talented."

"i have a sister," he reminded you, then put a kiss on your cheek.

you managed to convince him to sit at the counter, and he smiled and laughed with you as you conversed about anything that came to mind. he talked about his latest work antics, and you told him about a café you found the day before that you really enjoyed. he watched you skillfully chop vegetables and prepare chicken, flitting around your kitchen with a familiarity that could only be fostered by time. he glanced at the time on his phone, then looked at the door behind him that led to a bedroom.

"is karol here?" he asked. she normally would have emerged to say hi by now.

you looked at him before going back to pan frying the chicken. "no, she's in busan this weekend with some friends. she'll be back sunday night."

an alarm went off in joshua's head, and he tried not to think too deeply about the fact that you had invited him over while your roommate was away. sex hadn't even been a discussion on the table yet, but not because joshua didn't want it - because, frankly, he wanted it - he was just more concerned about you and your wants. for most things, he felt as though he had learned your thoughts and opinions naturally over the last few months, but outside of a few passing jokes, you hadn't ever mentioned how you felt about sex in general, much less sex with him.

so he stared at you, suddenly unable to ignore the fact that you were wearing shorts because of the weather, but they were hidden under the hem of the neutral toned apron he saw in your videos every week. or the way you smiled at him as you talked, your eyes glinting with mischief when you made a joke at his expense, but only made him laugh and want you more. he stood and came around the island, standing with his hip against the counter as the two of you continued conversing and you added the roux cubes to the pot.

his eyes never left you or your actions, and you noticed the way he inched towards you as your cooking became less involved and began to wrap up. you didn't argue when he put his arms around you again, watching you stir the curry with his cheek against your ear. he wasn't in your way, not even when you reached over to pull a spoon out of a drawer to give it a taste and make sure the seasonings were right, so you instead just enjoyed his presence.

you hummed, licking your lips briefly as you appraised the flavor. "not bad," you said, using the ladle you had been cooking with to pour more into the spoon you had just used to taste. you blew on it, then displayed it for joshua, who looked at you in his peripherals before accepting the bite.

"oh, wow," he said, making you giggle as you put the spoon aside. "that's better than a restaurant."

"thanks," you said, tapping the ladle on the side of pot to get the excess back in the pot, a spot of sauce landing on the back of your hand. you put it on the spoon rest next to your stovetop and replaced the lid on the pot of curry, quickly turning the burner to low. "now we just wait for the rice to pop," you said, spinning in his grip and licking the spot off the back of your hand.

joshua stared at you, desperately wishing in that moment that he wasn't such a damn man, because it was clear in your eyes that it was a completely innocent action. you got some of the delicious sauce on your hand, so why would you wipe it off when a towel wouldn't appreciate it like your tongue would? you wouldn't, obviously. he wouldn't have, either, if it had been his hand. but here he was, gaze fixed on your mouth as you pulled your hand away from it, and one of your eyebrows raised when you noticed.

"can i help you?" you asked, glancing down at his lips when he involuntarily leaned into you.

"i-" he swallowed. "sorry, i'm just-"

in that moment, you registered what his gaze meant. and while you were fairly oblivious to most things, you were far from innocent, so you put your arms over his shoulders and knit your fingers in his hair. "you're just?" you prompted.

there was a chuckle on his lips as he backed you against the counter, and he shook his head lightly. "i just think it's insane how into you i am."

joshua had this way of kissing you that made you think his life depended on it. he kissed you like you were in the final scene of an apocalyptic movie and he had come to terms with the fact that this was the end. like he knew that if your lips left his, he would magically disappear before he could tell you how much you meant to him. like he could stop time as long as he had you pressed against him with his hand on your jaw, but the sun was setting and he wasn’t ready to say good night.

when he finally pulled away from you, you were trying to catch your breath as his hands ran down your waist, and you stared into his eyes. his lips were parted, and his fingers gripped at your hips in a way that you knew meant he wished there were less layers between your skin.

your mind raced, thinking quickly back to how long the two of you had been seeing each other. how long you had known that you were interested in keeping joshua around for the long term. you wracked your brain, thinking about when people normally took the next step at your age, finding a discrepancy in the timing. you had made him wait for so long, but this was the first time you had noticed him trying to bed you - though, this was hardly subtle, so perhaps you had missed signs earlier? hell, the two of you had even shared a bed at this point, but you were pretty sure he hadn't tried anything then, either. you considered the fact that this relationship had gone for over two months without so much as a hint to take the next logical step, and you decided that joshua was definitely the only guy you had met in years that you would be willing to allow under your covers.

"the curry can sit for," you started, blinking rapidly as your mouth caught up to your mind. you swallowed once. "well, until tomorrow, technically, but-"

joshua's lip quirked upward. "did you invite me over to have me stay the night?"

"not-" you exhaled. his tone was slightly accusatory, but only playfully, and you found yourself more flustered by the question than you would have liked. "not consciously, but…" your eyes studied his face. "do you want to?"

"are you kidding?" he asked, making you breathe out a laugh, his forehead landing on yours. "did you not hear me when i said i was insanely into you?"

the rice cooker beeped, drawing both of your attention as it sang out a small tune to alert you it was finished. you looked at joshua. "are you hungry?"

he looked back at you, a smile sneaking on his lips. "i mean, working up an appetite wouldn't hurt, right?"

he let you lead him to your bedroom, which he had only been in once, briefly, when he had helped you put some lights away. the two of you admittedly spent most of your time in kitchens or restaurants, the remainder of your alone time being split between joshua's car and a couch to watch a movie, but joshua thought your taste suited his as he glanced around again, and that he would happily lose time in bedrooms with you. you kissed him again, and he was quick to pull you against his body, leaning into you, making you giggle as you bent backwards at the hips. "josh."

"what?" he asked, giving you a half lidded smile as his hand found your jaw, pulling you back into him. "stop leaning back and i'll stop chasing you."

"i'm-" you giggled into the kiss he interrupted you with. "i'm not leaning back, you're pushing me."

joshua made you feel like you were out of your depth, but in a way that was more exciting than scary. it had been ages since someone had been able to surprise you, or had helped you surprise yourself, but today he was doing both. the last time you had let a man into your heart, it had been less than perfect, especially towards the end, but joshua felt like home. cozy. he made you feel safe. like he wouldn't let you fall backwards unless your mattress was waiting for you.

and when you fell, he crawled over you, connecting your lips again with a hand against your jaw, the other holding himself above you, and you tried to restrain a whine.

"josh," you said suddenly, pushing on his chest lightly, processing fully what was about to happen and a shot of anxiety running through your chest. "c-can i tell you something first?"

joshua paused his motions, studying your eyes, his expression skewing scared. "oh, shit, are you a virgin?"

"what?" your eyebrows creased, a laugh on your lips. "no, what the fuck, josh? i'm in my mid-twenties."

he blinked at you. "there would be nothing wrong with you if you were a virgin in your mid-twenties."

"i'm not a virgin, joshua."

"right," he shook his head slightly. "sorry, i don't know. what were you saying?"

you chewed at your cheek nervously. "i just. i haven't… been with a guy in a really long time."

his eyes examined your face, looking for a hint at what you meant, because if it was only what you were saying, he didn't understand why you were so worried. "okay?"

"like, really long," you reiterated.

"baby, i promise," he said, forehead against yours. "i promise you, i don't care."

you exhaled sharply, wishing you could just enjoy things normal people did. that you knew what people wanted out of these encounters innately, instead of having to overthink them. "like, i don't want to… i don't know. disappoint you."

"disappoint me?" his head bobbed backwards in shock. "how the hell could i ever be disappointed when you're you?"

your eyes shut, grateful that he could still make you smile when you felt so out of your league. "i just mean that i-" you paused, trying to figure out how much you were willing to say, and how much you could without ruining whatever mood had been fostered here. "i just don't really do this. like, i feel like i don't know how."

"baby," he said, pressing his lips to yours briefly. "honey, sweetie, darling," he continued, punctuating each name with quick pecks. "you could starfish and i would have the time of my life."

you laughed, a hand landing on his shoulder sharply as he smiled at you. "okay, i'm not that bad, jesus."

"i'm telling you," he assured. "i don't care. i don't care if it's been months or years or forever, i don't care." he paused, appraising your expression. "we don't have to do anything. i'd be happy to just kiss you for an hour and a half if you're not ready."

"no," you whined, crinkling your nose. "it's not that, i just…" you took a breath. "i might just need you to take it a little slow."

"well, baby, you're in luck," he said, giving you a teasing smirk as his lips closed in on yours again. "slow and steady is exactly how i want you."

karol had said you hated men. she hadn't been wrong. you hated a lot of men, and how they made you feel like a prisoner in your own body. you hated the men you had encountered in your past, who made you feel small and weak. ugly and only wanted for one purpose, disrespecting your boundaries, your presentation, and your being. you hated those men, and nothing would ever redeem them for you.

joshua was different, though. he wasn't like them, because even though you didn't say explicitly why you needed a little extra care, he was more than prepared to give it to you. without even needing specific direction, he paid special attention to your reactions. to your body. he waited until you were ready, and asking him for more. and even when he sheepishly admitted that he'd started carrying a condom in his wallet the month prior, you could only giggle and silently be overwhelmingly thankful that he was truly nothing like any man you had ever been with before.

you swore you had made the same recipe you always did, but your curry tasted sweeter than you remembered. maybe it was just that you were eating it in your underwear with a man that made you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in forever, a home improvement show remaining unwatched on your tv as the two of you joked together.

joshua woke the next morning in your empty bed, and was only confused for a second as he looked around your white walls. he stretched once, then sat up, eyes meandering over your orange patterned rug (one he remembered describing as "groovy" when he had first seen it, which had made you laugh in that way he adored), then noticed your laptop had been turned on. it was saturday, he realized, and you were likely going to edit today so you wouldn't have to tomorrow. he decidedly did not peek, though he wanted to, and peeked out your bedroom door instead.

you were easy to find, standing in your kitchen with an oversized shirt on and your hair pulled out of your face as you formed rice balls. you looked up from your work, smiling when you saw him, placing the triangle of rice you had just made on the cutting board. "good morning!"

it was, he thought. it was a really good morning.

you teased him for hugging you in your kitchen while he was only wearing underwear, saying that he seemed to have made himself comfortable quickly. he just playfully ran his hands under your shirt, saying, well, what about you, then? making breakfast with no pants on?

"i live here," you said, giggling and using your hip to bump him away. "i pay rent. what do you do?"

his eyes darted away from yours as he thought. "sit still, look pretty?"

that made you laugh. "you are very pretty."

he grinned, taking the opportunity to pull you into his chest again. "you, too."

he looked at what you had made, noticing the pot on the stove for the first time.

"soybean paste soup," you said, reacting to his gaze, then pointed at the neat triangles of brown tinted rice in front of you. "mushroom riceballs, and i'm making tamagoyaki next."

joshua blinked at you after processing everything. "do you do this every morning?"

"not every morning," you giggled. "but i wanted to today."

weeks later, you were biting your pinky nail to oblivion as you scrolled through comments on the video you had posted earlier that morning. you were sitting on the couch in joshua's living room, your laptop perched on the arm and your boyfriend fixing something to eat before the two of you sat to watch a movie. you had made a risky move in your video - one you thought would have been fine, but clearly people read more into it than you expected. joshua came over for dinner earlier in the week, when you had made pasta with all the delicious fresh seafood the two of you had found at a market the day before, accompanied by a simple salad and white wine. karol was working late, so you had set some aside for her, but that meant it was just you and joshua in frame when you filmed your usual table setting shot.

people were speculating.

you knew it was inevitable, and a few comments had pointed out the man that had eaten sushi with you in the vlog that included your first date, but at this point, the comments were flooded with questions and hypotheses on who the mystery man could be. most assumed boyfriend - which, while true, made you feel slightly annoyed - and a few wondered if he was your brother, or close friend, but they all noticed that his hands and voice had become regular guest stars on your channel. that, while you still got meals with krys and karol, this nameless, faceless man sat opposite you more often than anyone else.

the jeonju vlog is what sparked the most comments. people suspected some amount of intimacy when they realized this guy was travelling with you, too, and you probably would have thought the same if it had been someone you watched regularly. you had been careful with the editing, only including clips with food and the scenery shots that didn't star him (while you had filmed a lot that did, those were just for your own personal record), but you supposed it was in peoples' nature to try and find a romantic plotline in your slice of life.

"josh?" you said suddenly, pulling your pinky from between your teeth. you heard his vague noise of acknowledgment and spun around on the couch to watch as he cocked his head at you from the kitchen. "should we go public?"

"uh," he paused, looking at the scallion pancake he was cooking, quickly grabbing the panhandle to flip it. "give me, like, two minutes and we can discuss? i'm almost done in here."

you puffed your cheeks out and nodded, turning back towards your computer. "okay, baby."

when joshua came into the living room, the spread he had quickly put together across a tray you had bought for him (because you wanted it, mostly, but karol would kill you if you brought more home), he put it on the coffee table and sat next to you, quickly addressing the subject again.

"people keep," you paused. his eyebrows raised, prompting you, but he only chewed on his bottom lip to let you take your time as you hugged your knees to your chest. "people keep assuming you're my boyfriend anyways, so i'm just thinking-" you exhaled sharply. "should we just say fuck it? just confirm that we're a couple?"

joshua studied you. "you've always been pretty private."

you chewed your cheek, putting your lips against your knees. "that's on purpose."

"you don't have to say anything you don't want to," he reminded you, rubbing a hand against your back. you put your chin on your knees and gave him your biggest doe eyes, making him smile. "they can speculate all they want, but you don't owe them an explanation."

you nodded lightly as you hugged your legs and looked around, briefly studying the tray joshua had brought over. he had quickly stirfried some vegetables, grilled the frozen pork belly slices he always kept on hand, and even cooked your favorite premade scallion pancakes, the spread complete with several side dishes you had made together earlier in the week and two bowls of rice. your brows knit together, fingers itching to film how neatly he had put together a light meal for the two of you because you had said you wanted to show him your favorite movie without interruption, and he knew you would be hungry soon.

"would you-" you cleared your throat, looking up from the food and finding his eyes. "what do you think i should do?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "does it matter? you'll do what you want anyways."

you whined, pushing his shoulder as your feet dropped from the couch. "i'm serious, your opinion matters here. would you be okay with being public?"

"you're joking, right?" he laughed, adjusting his posture, and grabbing your hand to folding it between his. "baby, you know i care about you, right?"

your lips pursed as you nodded, looking between his eyes shyly.

"and you know i would never try to say that i, like, own you, right? like, i don't claim ownership over you as a person."

you let out a short laugh. "right."

he held your hand tighter. "i want to tell every viewer of every single one of your videos that you are mine."

your cheek puffed out as you smiled. "really?"

"especially the reply guys, oh my gosh," he rolled his eyes, making you laugh. "there's a place i think you'd like! i could take you, smiley face. yeah, get lost, creep. move along."

your palm landed on your cheek as you laughed. "shut up, are you serious?"

"you don't see those?" his eyes wide when you shook your head. "baby, there's so many people trying to take you out in the comments. so many."

you giggled, pressing your lips together. "well, there's only one guy that gets to."

"that's right," joshua said, a proud look on his face. "the ultimate reply guy fanboy."

you pushed his chest, laughing again. "shut up."

you decided an faq would do, but in the style of your regular videos. you definitely didn't want to just sit down in front of your camera and talk through questions and answers - that wasn't your style, and would feel wrong uploading. so instead, you spent a few hours compiling questions you had been asked often and organized them in a way that made sense, planning on showing your daily life. questions like what camera you used, what your go-to quick breakfast is, where you bought the clothes you liked - it was easy to plan them out to create a vague storyline of your standard day. you woke up on a wednesday (a day you went to the studio, because many of your questions were about what goes on there), excited to film but slightly nervous. as you set up your camera for breakfast, your phone buzzed on the counter.

joshie: good morning, baby! you got this! can't wait to see you tonight 🥰

you: 🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

the day went well, filming your planned clips on the subway and at the studio, and when your coworker asked what all the questions you were filming for were, you sighed.

"normal stuff," you said quickly, taking off your apron after several hours of cooking and shooting. "favorite recipes, what equipment i use… y'know."

yunhyeong nodded at you, his eyes squinting slightly. "is that all?"

he knew you. he knew how you reacted when you were nervous. how you could practically hide it from anyone, but that certain subjects would always make your eyes look slightly panicked and your speech speed up. the worst part is that you knew he knew, and your facade was almost immediately broken.

"and if i have a boyfriend."

he stared at you for a second before he laughed in disbelief. it took him over a week of bugging you about the guy in your videos before you admitted you were seeing someone, and even then, you only did because joshua had started picking you up from the studio and - against your wishes - introduced himself to your coworkers. yunhyeong thought about how protective you were of your privacy, and how you had never revealed something as personal as a relationship online before - partly because none of the people you had gone on two or three dates with had been serious enough to reveal, but he mostly thought about how you barely even showed your own face. that you stayed mostly silent when you filmed, and if you had to speak, it was a voice that was only adjacent to your usual cadence, as if you were trying to create another barrier between you and your online persona. how you had mourned your grandfather's passing and uploaded your vlog like normal two days later, but called out of work for the week following.

"and you're telling the truth?"

you exhaled, wiping down the stove top now that it had cooled. "yeah, shua and i discussed it. people are speculating, anyways, and it's not like he's going anywhere any time soon."

yunhyeong nodded again, organizing the spices as he put them away. "i'm happy for you."

you looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's a big step," he said, purposefully keeping his eyes from you so you didn't get self conscious. "you haven't been this serious about someone the entire time i've known you. i think it's really great that you found someone you care about."

you watched him spin bottles to be label out as you considered his words. "thanks."

he peeked at you, smiling. "of course."

yunhyeong's words rattled in your mind as you walked to the restaurant joshua had agreed to meet you at, filming your feet as you went with the intention of answering a few random questions with on-screen text in the edit. someone you care about.

you thought about how joshua had said the same thing about you when you had asked if going public was something he would be comfortable with. the way it has made your heart flutter. you wondered, briefly, if perhaps this was something more than just caring.

when you were editing the video that saturday, you procrastinated on the last question as long as you could, and when it was the only thing left to do, you escaped to the kitchen to make lunch in favor of finishing the part that was haunting you. your bagel sandwich was delicious, but you could barely enjoy it, mind clouded by the task that made your anxiety peak for seemingly no good reason.

it took you too long to finish it.

when you showed it to joshua, wanting his blessing before you uploaded, he couldn't hide his giddy reaction.

"it's okay?" you confirmed, studying his face.

he nodded at you, lips pushed together into a lopsided smile. "it's really cute."

"cute?" you asked, clicking through the video. "that's good, right?"

"yes," he laughed, squeezing your shoulder to put a kiss on your head. "it's great. post it."

so you did. and while you had gotten a tiny bump when krys excitedly dragged the two of you onto her stream that afternoon, you had no way of predicting the way the rest of the internet picked it up a few weeks later.

"r/relationshipgoals," jeonghan read off his phone, leaning against your kitchen island along with several of your friends that had come over when they saw the two of you on their newsfeeds unprompted. "'cross post from r/cutecouples, the most heartwarming boyfriend reveal you'll see this year.'"

"twitter, too," karol announced looking up from her own phone, seated in a barstool beside him. "you're a twitter moment. people found the clip from krys' stream, even."

you were on the counter opposite them, kicking your feet nervously to the beat in your head as you chewed your lip. you sighed and covered your face. "how long is this gonna last?"

"a while, hopefully," krys said, turning your laptop screen towards you. "your subcounts are insane right now."

you whined into your hands, making joshua appear at your side to put a hand on your spine. you took a breath at the touch, relaxing your tensed thighs on the counter. "it's okay to be nervous," he muttered at you. "but it's also kinda exciting, right?"

you exhaled deeply, letting your hands fall and your eyes trail to his before a smile broke on your face. "kinda."

so after you calmed yourself down, you managed to go through some of the posts about you, and you surprised yourself by letting them put a smile on your face. even the idea of having a public relationship had scared you shitless less than a month prior, but this… this wasn't so bad. seeing twitter repost the same video of you filming your feet as you walked into a restaurant, panning the camera up to reveal joshua sitting at a table and waving excitedly at you. the cuts you made to show clips that had landed on the cutting room floor of past videos - the footage you had taken of him pointing out the new wok you had started using a few weeks prior in a kitchen specialty store, and the goofy face he revealed after holding it in front of himself as he brought it back to you. the video of joshua grasping your hand, panning up to his playfully serious face as he dragged you down a boardwalk in jeonju, gesturing to the sunset. the unedited audio from your first date, when you had said something about it looking really good, and he had said something along the lines of how it would have been a waste if you hadn't recorded, and the two of you giggled together in a way that nervous new couples did. short bits of you swinging your camera around to reveal a laughing joshua as you tried to film quiet shots. a clip of him wearing a triangular menu on his head like a hat, acting as though it was completely normal.

you had a hard time believing anything you ever did would be viral-worthy, but even you had to admit, this was a pretty understandable thing for you to go viral for.

besides, it felt like it made sense for this to be the one thing about your personal life that ended up getting attention. it felt like he was an innate part of you at this point, and that you wouldn't be honest if you hid him.

it was august when he broke your heart.

"how could you?" you asked him, staring in disbelief. "you haven't seen lord of the rings?"

"okay, i lied," joshua said, still washing the dishes. "i saw them when i was a kid, but i don't remember them really."

"well, we're fixing that."

he looked at where you were sitting on his kitchen island - a well known habit of yours at this point. "today?"

"not today," you said, poking your toe at his hip. "this weekend, maybe? if we start now, we'll be watching til you go to work tomorrow morning."

he shut off the faucet and gingerly placed the pan he had just washed on the drying rack. "how many movies is it? i thought it was just three."

"it is," you said, laughing at his shocked look. "the extended editions are around four hours each."

joshua exhaled, leaning against the counter as he used a cloth to dry his hands. "you're lucky i like wasting hours with you."

you grinned, hopping down from your seat. "you're lucky i let you."

and that weekend, the two of you did just that - waste time, ordering delivery food for two meals as you camped out on the couch in various positions as the two of you got comfortable repeatedly. you couldn't help but recite specific lines, mouthing along with every word gandalf said like you had thought of the words yourself. you pointed out behind the scenes facts along the way, even, excitedly saying viggo broke two toes when he kicked that helmet, or how faramir's flames were a mirror trick. joshua watched you, because while he knew it was your favorite movie and he really should pay attention, he couldn't help but get distracted by his own favorite movie, and it starred you getting excited about something you loved.

you slept later than joshua that sunday, and when you emerged from the bedroom, you spotted krys sitting at the island with a plate of waffles in front of her, then found joshua leaned against the counter with a cup of coffee. he smiled when he saw you.

"i made breakfast," he said, gesturing to the counter.

you looked around at the spread as you walked over to him. waffles, fruit, bacon, and the promise of a fried egg upon request - a spread worthy of your own brunching standards. "what about second breakfast?" you asked quietly, in accented english.

joshua laughed, his arm wrapping around your midsection as you came over to kiss him good morning. "elevensies?" he shot back, in the same vague accent.

you broke your serious face to giggle. "luncheon?"

"alright," krys said, voice raised in annoyance when the two of you looked over at her. "i get it, y'all are in love or whatever, but can you have some respect for those of us who are lonely?"

you rolled your eyes, laughing at the fact that she had absolutely brought this upon herself by forcing the two of you together every chance she got, but joshua went cold when he heard her say the thing he had been thinking for a while, but was too scared to say out loud. the thing he felt when you grabbed his arm and told him that if he wouldn't let you carry the ring, then you could at least carry him with all the same dramatics as one samwise gamgee did. when you cried as frodo and bilbo sailed into the sunset for good, even though you had seen it a million times over. the sneaking thought that he was in love with you, but didn't know how to say so. he swallowed down the thought, shaking his head when you raised a questioning brow at him as you dished up a plate of waffles and fruit.

it didn't take you long to trust joshua enough to give him your door code so he could let himself in, but it took him a while to actually use it. he said something about not wanting to intrude, but you told him it was more intrusive to make you come to the door when you could possibly be doing important things and he was completely capable of getting in on his own.

"babe?"

you hissed. you had the thought right before you started this boss battle, that he would arrive before you finished and you would be trapped at your computer. you were right. "in here! gimme like two minutes!"

you heard him enter your room, and his bubbly laugh when he spotted your back at your desk desperately clicking your mouse and striking your keyboard. "wow, is this what you meant by important things?"

"please, please, please," you whined, intermittently squealing as you reacted to the enemy attacks. "i'll get off in a second i just need one more cleansing heart to ascend xin- fuck! not the stupid birds!"

he laughed again, his hand finding the back of your shoulder, thumbs pressing into the constantly sore flesh. you winced as he kneaded his fingers into your shoulder but exhaled, making him laugh lightly when you got knocked over by a boar. "hey, there's a boar there."

"yes, thank you, joshua." you quickly cracked a knuckle as soon as you had down time, sticking your neck out as he continued to massage your shoulders. "i think i have two more waves."

"waves? because it's a water level?"

you groaned into a reluctant laugh. "no shitty jokes right now, i'm trying to focus. normally krys and i co-op this one but she was busy."

he hummed, moving to stand next to you with his hand resting at the base of your neck. "wonder what she was doing."

"don't you live with her?" you teasingly asked, glancing up at him for the first time while sprinting across the platform, your game camera spinning uncontrollably when you suddenly pulled both hands to your mouth and gasped. "what the fuck, joshua?"

he stifled a grin, but it was completely obvious in his eyes as you stared up at him, blonde hair curled lightly to stay out of his face. "what's up?"

you stood from your chair, inspecting his head. "what the fuck?"

he laughed, wrapping his arms around you when you ran your fingers through his bleached locks hesitantly. "do you hate it?"

"i-" you blinked at him repeatedly. "what? no, i don't hate- what the fuck, joshua?"

"what?" he whined, eyebrows tenting at you even though his lips were still smiling. "does it not suit me?"

you held his head and squinted at him. "josh, you're hot. you look hot. but what the fuck?"

he laughed, finally planting his hello kiss on your lips. he watched the gears turn behind your eyes, puckered lips becoming a pout.

"did you go to a salon?"

he grinned. "krys did it."

you made a fist at him, scrunching your face for a second as you exhaled, looking down at the screen right as your last team member died, respawning at a statue. "that's why she used so many smiley faces when she said she was busy."

he put his lips to your cheek, smiling into your skin. "not bad though, right? you got a pretty handsome boyfriend."

and while you would have loved to roll your eyes and tease him, you were overtaken by a giggle as you turned your head towards him again, the tip of his nose gliding across your cheek. "yeah, i do."

his eyebrows went up. "wow, wasn't expecting you to admit it so readily."

you laughed, a light, carefree laugh, your palms on his jaw as you kissed him. "i have eyes, joshua." he just smiled against your lips, lacing his fingers together behind your tailbone, and you pulled away slightly to look up at his hair again. your hands went to his nape, fingertips against his scalp. "how long did it take? you have thick hair."

"we did three sessions," he said. "enjoy it while you can, it might fall out."

you laughed with him, brushing your fingers gently in his bangs again. "it feels fine, though?"

"yeah, i made this incredible discovery that i'm almost positive i'm the first to hear about it. it's called a hair treatment."

you batted at his chest, giggling. "shut up."

"make me," he said, the sweet smile on his lips making the phrase more playful than suggestive.

"i can't believe you surprised me with bleached hair," you said, plopping into your seat and exiting the game. "you know i hate surprises, right?"

"that's too bad," he said, his hand returning to rub against your neck. "i like surprises a lot. get used to them."

you puffed out your cheeks, sighing slowly. "usually people compromise."

"not on this," he stated. "i'm a gift giver."

"yeah, i figured that out when you got flowers sent to the studio on our one month anniversary, then again on our second, then here on our third…"

he was just smiling smugly at you when you stood again, maneuvering around him. "and you love getting them?"

you rolled your eyes, not even commenting when he playfully patted your butt as you went by. "they're always tasteful and it's nice to have some seasonal flowers for the counter."

"so you love them," he repeated. "because it sounds to me like you love them."

you laughed, reaching out to catch his hand in yours and pull him along with you as you exited to the main living area. "and what if i do? so what, joshua hong, if it makes my heart beat a little fast when we suddenly get flowers delivered and i realize it's the fourteenth? are you gonna call me a hypocrite because i vocally advocate that traditional chivalry is bullshit?"

he just listened to your playful accusation, more proving that you were self aware rather than egging him on. "no way," he said plainly. "you can still think traditional chivalry is bullshit, it won't stop me from trying to make you smile."

you felt your face heating up, your jaw dropping slightly to let out an annoyed huff. "cheesy, joshua. i'm offended."

"want me to make it worse?" he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

your hands landed on his chest as you squinted at his grin. "i'm scared."

he gave you a crooked grin. "happy one hundred days. i brought sushi."

your head whipped over to the counter, spotting the paper bag with a familiar logo. "from nori table?"

"of course, from nori table."

joshua had promised jeonghan that you would make an appearance as a couple at a party he was throwing the next day, and you found yourself almost nervous. you got on with jeonghan famously - almost enough to drive joshua insane - and you even warmed up to seokmin pretty quickly, but from what you had been told, jeonghan enjoyed partying, and you didn't really like getting drunk.

"you made it!" seokmin grinned big, spreading his arms to signal for you to let him wrap you in a hug. you laughed and greeted him, enjoying the friendly comfort, then watching him hug joshua after he let you go. "and you're blonde! life's good?"

"yeah," joshua said, making eye contact with you briefly as his fingers tangled with yours. "life's good. you?"

seokmin blinked before he said "yeah, good!" and your brow knit slightly before you consciously adjusted your face to hide the analysis of his hesitation happening behind your eyes. "this is your first time here, right?"

you nodded, smiling and following him as he led you into the crowded apartment. "yeah, it's been busy lately. but i finally made it to one!"

"well, you need to meet my friends," he said, continuously looking back at you even as he walked ahead, towards a corner of the living room. "you're gonna love them."

"aye, josh!"

you looked to the source of the call, spotting the guy pulling himself to his feet from his seat on the couch, arms wide in greeting to your boyfriend.

"hey, hosh," joshua said, a sideways grin on and his brows tented as he gave him a quick handshake into a hug. quickly, he put a hand on your opposite shoulder, pulling you towards him and quickly introducing you.

soonyoung initially went in for a hug after your introduction, but immediately noticed the way your eyes widened slightly and instantly pulled his arms down, leaving a hand extended for you to shake. you laughed, taking it, and apologized for not being a hugger.

"no worries," soonyoung laughed, and you wondered if he was always this pink in the face or if he had already started drinking. "seokmin will hug me, right?"

"everyone!" seokmin ignored him, pulling you towards the people gathered on and around the couch. he announced you to his friends then quickly went down the line - soonyoung, seungkwan, jihoon, dongmin, yugyeom - you repeated the names back to him like you would remember all of them, even though you knew you wouldn't unless they became regulars in your life, too.

jeonghan flitted by and expressed his greetings to you both some time later, intending to abscond with joshua for drinks and conversation elsewhere, but he stopped jeonghan from pulling him away before he put a hand on your elbow, looking at you meaningfully.

"i'll be okay," you told him, smiling. "go ahead."

he squinted at you. "you sure?"

"seokmin's here," you reminded him, nodding your head at the boy you had practically adopted as your own brother. "real quick, about soonyoung-"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "what about him?"

you chewed your lip, smiling. "karol's been a little too focused on work lately, right?"

his eyes widened, thinking about your roommate. his eyes went to the man you had referenced, who was currently chanting something into seungkwan's face as he rolled his eyes. "karol?"

"what do you think?" you asked, looking back at soonyoung.

he blinked. "i think he'll drive her insane."

your eyes shone at him. "i think she'll love it."

he laughed incredulously, registering that you had asked his opinion instead of just doing whatever pleased you, and he wondered if that meant you trusted him. "you're right," he said finally. "try it."

"of course i'm right," you said, giggling against the quick peck he put on your lips. "remove him, jeonghan."

"finally," an impatient host shot back, rolling his eyes in a way that landed in a sly smile at you. "for what it's worth, i think your plan will work."

"didn't need your approval, but i'll take it," you said, smiling smugly at him. "i'll update you later."

the update you gave the next time you saw him, weeks later, was that karol had left the apartment every week since to go be with soonyoung somewhere fun and exciting, and you waved her off with a shiteating grin every week, culminating in the two of them arriving to krys' birthday party hand in hand.

jeonghan laughed, stealing a carrot stick from your cutting board as you arranged them into a rainbow themed charcuterie platter. "knew it. soonyoung loves women stronger than him."

you looked at him as he took a bite. "and karol loves someone she can take care of."

"look at us," he said, waving the half eaten carrot between the two of you with a lopsided grin on his face. "what a duo. we should hang out more. fuck joshua."

you laughed at him, then at the offended look on your boyfriend's face as he walked past. "now?" you asked eyebrows raised as you looked at him expectantly, and he laughed when he realized what the last words out of jeonghan's mouth were seconds before.

"please, this is a child's birthday party," he reminded you, and you laughed at the overexaggerated look he gave you to sell the joke.

you looked over to where krys was laughing with seokmin, soonyoung, and karol, then back down to your work as you nudged around quartered figs with a vague smile on. "seems like the kids are having a nice time."

jeonghan sighed, falling dramatically against the counter. "oh, to be young and in love."

joshua laughed. "karol's our age."

his cheek was planted in his palm, elbow on the counter as he gazed after the group. "i'm talking about seokmin and krys."

"what?" joshua asked, voice nearly cracking, and you let out an explosive laugh. "seokmin and who?"

"stop acting stupid," jeonghan waved ahand at him, then popping his eyes up to catch your look of solidarity. he pointed at you. "see? we're on the same page, which means we're right."

joshua looked at you and you raised your hands in surrender. "are you serious?" he asked. "my sister and-"

you landed a hand on his face, effectively shutting him up as you giggled. "shush, josh. just leave it, okay?"

"good idea," jeonghan sighed, straightening and picking up the platter you had finished. "dining table?"

"please," you responded, looking back and giggling when joshua looked just as dumbfounded as he had before you looked away. "she's an adult. seokmin's a good guy. let it happen."

he closed his mouth, stealing a glance at his sister. "he is a kindergarten teacher."

"and both your best friend and your partner love him," you reminded him. "she could do worse."

he gave you a look. "she has done worse."

"shut up," you said, pushing his shoulder in your friend's defense. "you've done pretty bad, too."

his eyes went to the ceiling, remembering the accidental altercation you had been forced to have with one of his more regrettable exes. "how many times do i have to apologize-"

"you don't," you laughed, putting your hands on his cheeks and focusing his eyes on yours. "but krys is an adult. she's allowed to judge her own partners, and even if she ends up being wrong, she's old enough to make her own mistakes."

joshua huffed, knowing you were right but not wanting to admit it. "sorry i'm trying to protect my one and only baby sister."

"yes, and you're adorable," you assured him. "best big brother ever. but it's her birthday, and if you don't start getting drunk soon, she'll be very upset."

drinking with joshua was fun. because he wasn't much different than yourself - he didn't get crazy, he didn't get loud. he just got loose. he let stupider jokes out, and he was more willing to join in on krys' performative comedy bits throughout the night. you found yourself falling onto a couch with him, giggling as he caught his breath after a particularly involved musical number.

the most fun you had drinking with joshua was in itaewon, long past midnight but still what you considered halloween. you had been dragging karol with you for years, but now you had a boyfriend, and she had a boyfriend, and you both had a new joint best friend, so it only made sense for you to get them all take the train ride out to your favorite part of seoul.

ratatouille. that was the only way you could get joshua to go with you. he wanted a couples costume and he wanted you to be the rat.

"this feels backhanded," you told him.

"do you want to be linguine?" he asked. "i can be sexy remy. i can find grey hot pants, but you have to be the one to attach the the tail because i have no idea what my butt looks like."

you laughed, resigning to your fate and buying the outfit online, then looked at him suddenly. "liar. i know you check yourself out at the gym."

"okay," he said, eyes on the ceiling as he herded a giggling you into his arms. "then… i want it to be accurate, so you need to attach it directly at my tailbone." he cocked his head at you after you settled into the hug. "i have to be wearing them, obviously."

"obviously," you said. "but unfortunately, i already ordered the body suit."

josh pressed his lips together and made a quick fist in victory. "awesome. i-i mean! aww, well, that's fine, i suppose." he sighed dramatically, convincing absolutely no one that he hadn't wanted this outcome all along. "i'll be linguine."

"i don't feel like fighting a bunch of gays in itaewon for your affection anyways," you said, making him laugh and kiss your cheek quickly before pulling away.

"grilled cheese?"

"is that even a question?"

it wasn't a question when you were weaving through throngs of bunnies and angels, either, holding hands with both him and his sister to not lose them in the crowd, karol and soonyoung trailing behind krys, all five of you on a mission to get carbs in you after starting the night off nearly too strong.

halloween in itaewon was different. it was special, you thought. you usually didn't like crowds, but this one felt good. halloween wasn't a celebrated holiday in korea, but with internet, influencers, and immigrants, the culture found its way into the new age scene. you loved an excuse to celebrate your favorite characters by paying them homage, and joshua had thought that was a noble enough reason for him to justify staying up too late and drinking too much.

you had just left the diner themed bar that you devoured griddle top sandwiches from, as well as another drink, and you spotted a familiar angel making a beeline for you.

well, not you.

"how many times have i tried to get you to come to itaewon with me?" jeonghan asked, pushing joshua's shoulder as soon as he could reach it.

joshua laughed, looking shocked by the sudden appearance of his friend. "you never agreed to be remy!"

jeonghan looked at you, and burst into laughter, making your jaw drop in indignance and whacking your fist against both their arms. "at least we're original. way to put in the effort, han."

he shrugged bringing a straw to his mouth, and you eyed the pink liquid that had clearly been funnelled into a water bottle. "i look better than all these clowns and you know it."

"there you are!"

jeonghan spun, the straw still in his mouth. "shit, i haven't lost you?"

seokmin gave him a sarcastic laugh, adjusting the shoulder of his soccer jersey as he walked up behind him, quickly adding to your small circle as he greeted you and joshua. you stepped aside suddenly, revealing the members of your party that had been lagging behind. "o-oh! it's all of you!"

you made brief eye contact with joshua, who was trying to not laugh at your less than subtle attempt. "you match!" you said quickly, pointing out that krys was dressed as a baseball player. "baseball, soccer," you trailed off, looking around for help.

"sports couple," jeonghan said loudly, slipping you a quick look. "cute."

soonyoung had to put his entire palm over his mouth to stop himself from exploding into giggles when seokmin went red in the ears and krys tried to change the subject as kindly as she could manage.

when you finally made it back into joshua's room, it was far too late (early? you could think about it more, but you preferred resigning to the fact that the passage of time was beyond you and moving on), the sun already starting to light the sky as it prepared to break the horizon. when you stole his toque of his head, he put his hand on your waist, backing you up against the closet door and gently working his lips onto yours.

you giggled, your arms landing on his shoulders. "aren't you tired?

"yeah, but," his eyes fluttering over your face. "i just really like you."

you were smiling when he pressed his lips to yours again. "i really like you, too, but we've been at a sweaty block party all night and we need to shower."

"together?" he asked, a spot of childish hope in his voice. "singular shower?"

you sighed on his lips, playfully threading your fingers against his nape. "if you want?"

the hot water felt especially good after trekking home in the cold without a jacket. and even though it was just meant to be a shower, he kept kissing you like it was something more, pressing you against the tiled wall and running his hands all over your shape. you couldn't stop giggling. pushing his hands away, saying you need to wash up, but giving him looks like you wanted him to keep going. you were running your hands over his chest, rinsing away suds, when joshua couldn't help but put a hand at the base of your neck, tipping your head slightly to deepen an already heated kiss.

"cut it out," you muttered against his lips, feeling them curve despite your eyes staying shut.

"cut what out?"

you looked at him, barely processing anything other than how incredibly handsome he was, even with his lashes stuck together with moisture and his hair slicked back against his head. "trying to fuck me in a shower stall."

he laughed teasingly, leaning into you again. "then why'd you agree to come in here with me?"

your back hit the tile again, and you giggled. "to save water."

and then he's kissing you again, a hand steady on your nape as he worked you open, tongue lapping against yours with a desperation that could only mean one thing. you whimpered dumbly, the squeaky whine escaping you with no difficulty as your hands ran up his chest, your grip longing for any amount of him you could get.

his lips leave you abruptly, asking if this was too much. if you wanted to stop. but you shook your head at him, hands eager to feel more of his shoulders, his neck, his scalp, despite your legs starting to give out. steam drifted between you when you told him your legs felt like jello from your full shift of partying, and if he didn't want to hold you up, you should probably take this to bed.

you were giggling as you frantically dried each other off, stealing kisses that were far too deep to be so short and longing touches that could have been interpreted as purposeful drying if you squinted hard enough, but felt much more like careful teasing. his hands felt right running up your body, and your hair was still damp, but that didn't bother either of you when you fell into bed together.

"i cant believe you want to fuck me when i was dressed like a literal rat," you teased.

he laughed, tugging your thigh up on his hip as his nose nuzzled against yours. "a sexy rat."

you giggled, lips parting when he kissed you. "a rat from a pixar movie."

he didn't miss a beat. "a sexy rat from a pixar movie."

you roll your damn eyes at him, and he just laughs, knowing that it mattered very little what you were wearing before, because now you were bare, clean, and safe in his bed, which was exactly where he wanted you for the rest of forever.

the sun was past its peak when you woke, stretching your sore spine and legs with joshua's arm draped over you. his hand seemed to wake before he did, finding your hip and squeezing gently as he took in his signature first breath of the day.

"g'morning." you smiled at his soft voice as he squinted at you, and you rolled into him to plant a kiss on his lips.

"it's almost two," you said finally.

he groaned, burying his face in the pillow. "too early." his grip around you tightened, making you giggle. "nap time."

you whined. "i wanna make coffee before it gets too late."

"i said nap time," he muttered, face still against the pillow.

"baby, i have a headache."

his head popped up, squinting at the bedside. "there's water."

you laughed incredulously. "i need caffeine."

he just pulled you tighter. "i need you here."

"wow," you said, wrapping your arms around him as he snuggled into your chest. "would rather i suffer from a caffeine headache for your own selfish need to cuddle than let me escape for two minutes to make a coffee and come back?"

he smiled, rubbing his cheek against your sternum. "mhmm."

you giggled, carding your fingers through his hair and resigning to a few more precious moments of uninterrupted snuggling before you could relieve the vague aching in your temples.

he did eventually let you slip out of his grasp, and you asked if he wanted a coffee, too, to which he just blearily blinked at you and nodded once. you laughed, finding a shirt in a drawer and pulling it over your head before exiting to the kitchen.

you hit the kettle first, having a craving for a hot cup of coffee rather than the usual iced, grabbing a mug and glass from a cabinet. the espresso machine sat on the long counter against the windowed outer wall, and your eyes danced across the outside world as you made the two coffees. when you returned to the bedroom, joshua was on his phone, and when you cleared your throat, he dropped his phone on the pillow and pretended to be asleep, complete with a loud snore.

you giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed and nudging him carefully. "get up or i'll put the glass on your neck."

he winced at the idea. "evil," he stated plainly, flopping around to comfortably sit up and taking the iced coffee from you.

you sipped your coffee and put it on the bedside table to swing your feet back under the covers. you shoved at the pillows to support your back as you sat, grabbing your coffee and phone to begin your weekend morning routine of checking the news as you sipped at an americano. "i brought you coffee in bed at two pm. i think i'm pretty saintly."

he gave you a fake laugh, making you giggle and push your foot against his leg under the covers in a half hearted kick. "is that why you said 'oh, god' so much last night?"

you groaned. "gross, joshua. and for the record," you said, eyeing him slyly as a smile broke out on your lips. "that was this morning."

"time is an illusion," he declared, taking a gulp from his coffee and setting it down to get more comfortable beside you as you began to read an article. "are we doing anything today?"

you shook your head, eyes still focused on your screen. "nada."

"nothin'?" joshua fished.

"zilch," you concluded.

"rad," he decided, a light tone in his voice as he grabbed his phone to resume whatever he had been doing before you returned. "do you wanna order breakfast?"

you let out a breath, your head falling back as you looked at him. "yes, oh my god."

he laughed, and his eyes ran over your face in a way you recognized well at this point. to you, it was him just smiling back at you, and you liked that it reached his eyes. but to him, it was the way he looked at you when he was memorizing all the little reasons he adored you, and it was getting harder for him to pretend it wasn't more than just simple adoration.

"question," he started, eyes darting away from yours as he licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed quickly.

"pasta," you said immediately, pulling your phone to your chest as you gave him your biggest, most convincing eyes before a finger came up to demonstrate a point. "and before you say that's not a breakfast food, i would like to remind you that it is 2pm and i had to sit through a hundred of your italian food puns yesterday despite ratatouille being set in france."

he laughed, and you gave him a confused look. "we can get pasta, but that wasn't the question."

your eyebrow quirked. "what other question could you possibly ask me right now?"

unknowingly, joshua let his face settle into the same look he was giving you less than a minute earlier. "would you want to move in?"

your eyes ran over his face repeatedly, trying to register how serious he was as you considered the idea of staying in this comforting bed and presence for the indefinite future, and even you couldn't hide how nice that sounded. the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't bear to leave karol alone. you had been living together for over four years now, she had been your first roommate in korea, your best friend for years, and an inexplicable source of quiet but understanding comfort for you.

"i understand," joshua assured you, placing his hand over yours after you expressed your hesitation. "i don't know what i'll do with myself when krys decides to move out."

you nodded, studying his face but mind wandering to other things. "krys," you hummed, and he eyed you.

"what genius plan is that brain brewing?"

you shook your head, brushing the thought out of your mind - the thought that krys had said something about needing to find a new place soon. the thought that she had said she was never gonna properly grow up when josh was taking care of her, whether she wanted him to or not. "nothing."

but it wasn't nothing. it was a compromise - you and krys would swap leases.

"are you sure?" you asked her, elbows on the island as krys ate the donuts you had anxiously made that morning. you had brought up the idea to her days before, and she excitedly agreed, but something about it felt too easy to you.

"yes," she assured you, wiping her bottom lip clear of powdered sugar. "i swear, i'm sure. how many times do i have to say it?"

you chewed your cheek. "i don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out."

"you're not kicking me out," she said matter of factly. "i'm moving out. it just happens to be the same day as you're moving in."

you pouted. "and you're moving into my apartment."

"yeah," she said, nodding. "i get to pay lower rent and have south facing windows in my room. i should feel bad about kicking you out."

it took almost a month to organize everything, but by early december you were just waiting for the date. you purposefully scheduled for a weekend, in order to not disrupt krys' streaming schedule and your video uploads, since you had planned to do a separate moving vlog about safely packing tableware. the weekend before, krys came over to her soon-to-be home for your usual monthly brunch.

flipping pancakes that day felt a little somber, knowing it was the last time you'd be cooking brunch while living with karol. you had been with her for four years, and it felt surreal that you were finally parting ways like this. not only that, but you were moving in with a guy. the idea itself scared the shit out of you - cohabitating with someone other than karol. you'd be sharing a room. sharing a kitchen. sharing all of your space - normally, that would scare you away from agreeing, but something about joshua made you feel safe. he made you feel like you would never try to get back the distance you generally held so dear.

months ago, the idea of sharing space like that while trying to decompress would be unimaginable, but recently, you found alone time with joshua just as healing as alone time with yourself, so the idea of being able to snuggle into his side every night actually put a warm feeling in your stomach. you looked at your friends, who were laughing and drinking bloody marys as you tried to keep up with their conversation. your brain swirled, and you looked back down at the strawberries you were cutting, suddenly realizing you had never felt that way about a boy before.

"woah, you okay, babe?" krys bobbed her head downwards to check your face. "are you crying? i thought only onions did that to you."

you threw your head back, sniffling noisily trying to force the tears back under your ducts. karol stood. "oh, my god, what's wrong?" she frantically put down her drink and rushed around the counter to your side.

"wait, yeah-" krys shook her head rapidly, then reached over to take the knife out of your hand, her face creasing into a worried pout. "what's going on?"

you gathered yourself, embarrassed at how quickly you had cried so hard over such a stupid realization. you almost laughed, realizing what a scene you were making. you never cried. you weren't even sure either of them had seen it before now, yet you were ugly sobbing over something that they all probably already knew.

you swallowed harshly, clearing your throat. "i think i'm in love with josh."

krys and karol always knew you didn't truly care about the gender of your hypothetical partner, but that you had avoided men for a reason other than your attraction to them. they knew you gravitated towards women for practically your entire friendships with either of them, they knew that you never liked to get genuinely drunk and instead took care of the rest of them, and they knew you had never been very interested in sex. these were all known facts about you, and your friends understood that you kept the reasons for these facts close to your chest. they respected that.

but you finally wanted to share why. and the why was your ex.

when you had imagined telling your closest friends about your trauma, this certainly wasn't the situation you expected - crowded around the kitchen counter as your pancakes went cold, and only because you had burst into tears. it wasn't the right place, you thought, for you to talk about how he got you drunk. how you were practically asleep. how you tried to push him away but your body was weak with intoxication and you were powerless against him. someone you trusted. someone you loved.

you had always been the type to fight your own battles. you could stand up for yourself without difficulty, yet he made you scared of men. of what they could do to you. he reminded you that despite your effort to air on the androgynous, you had a body that some people might enjoy against your will. he made you want to hide everything about you and your body, wearing baggy shirts and oversized hoodies every chance you got, avoiding the unwanted gaze of men.

but recently, you've been wearing shorts more. you cropped some old shirts you never got use out of anymore to wear to your weekly yoga class. you had even bought a schoolgirl outfit for exactly one purpose, which had been entirely out of your comfort zone until roughly two months prior, but you had happily worn to please a man.

but in your defense, joshua hong was not like most men.

his appreciation of your body never felt predatory, and it always felt like it was bested by his appreciation of your mind. he didn't treat you like a prize, or like you were his for the taking. he appreciated your body as yours. while you may have found yourself the subject of his desire, you were never an object, and it had been a long time since you had felt comfortable wearing the clothes you liked in favor of opting for whatever would hide the most skin.

krys was crying. karol was too, but she was more focused on hugging you tight as you wiped off the tears that had trailed down your face. krys rounded the counter, loudly vocalising how much she loved you and everything about you, and you laughed out loud as she let out an exaggerated wail.

"actually, though," she said, pulling away slightly and sniffling. "drop the address. we're rolling up on this guy tomorrow."

you laughed again, wiping at your face when your arms were free. "wouldn't even know where to find him now."

"good!" karol declared. "fuck that guy! cut him out! you're a bad bitch!"

krys pouted. "i'm really happy josh helped you heal."

you stared at her for a second, registering that she must have been right. you eyes swam over the counter, thinking about all the times he had helped you feel more comfortable with yourself. with everything. enough to let someone in. enough to love. "i guess that's what this is, huh?"

karol cleared her throat. "so, you love him."

a grin broke out on krys' face, and your eyes immediately rolled. "you love him."

"you love him so bad."

"you wanna marry him and make adorable little hong babies."

"oh my god," you said, pressing the backs of your hands into your eye sockets, annoyed laughter on your lips as they bounced off each other. "you guys suck."

joshua started acting… odd. that was the only way you could describe it. there was nothing specific you could name - maybe the way his eyes were moving slightly too quickly from side to side? or maybe it was the way he inhaled a little extra when you asked him what was up, only for him to push his lips into an exaggerated pout and insist that nothing was. whatever it was, it made you watch him a little bit longer, your eyes squinting slightly more than usual.

you called him the day before, asking if you could bring some stuff over in hopes of making the next day as easy as possible, but his response was quick and surprising.

"what do you mean, no?" you laughed, putting down the wooden tray you were deciding the fate of. "do you have a girl over?"

you could hear him faltering on the other end. "and what if i did?"

"good luck getting her to make you breakfast."

he laughed. "i'm kidding. i have a guy over."

"oh?" you asked. "jeonghan?"

"shut up," he chuckled out. "i'm having something installed, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

"joshua," you reminded him, thinking of what the hell he could have meant by something. "i don't do surprises."

"you do now."

you groaned, a palm landing on your counter. "what is it?"

"a sex swing," he said plainly, as though that were the most obvious fact that you could have questioned, and you practically choked on your laughter, not even letting him confirm that he was joking before you were folded over your counter. and quite frankly, you could not wait another day to let him make you laugh like that as a routine.

you finally seceded, but you were glad when joshua arrived - the suv he rented loaded with krys' things - because it was a signifier that the distance between you and said surprise was shrinking quickly. soonyoung had become a surprisingly helpful voice of reason as you went through your piles of tablewares, telling you which ones to leave behind and which ones to take with you. seokmin had even arrived not long after the suv in his own car, a few brightly colored belongings in his backseat. you and karol exchanged a look when you realized he had volunteered to help krys move, but said nothing out loud, knowing she would do nothing but deny the obvious.

after yours and krys' affects were swapped in the car, you looked around one last time before telling josh you thought that was it.

"wait!" krys faltered, realizing she didn't have a good reason to stop you. "i- uh,"

"they know there's a surprise waiting for them," he said, digging the rental keys out of his jacket pocket.

karol looked to you. "do you know what it is?"

"of course not," joshua stated proudly before you could respond. "i'm like a steel trap."

you laughed. "that's definitely not how that phrase is meant to be used."

he raised a brow at you. "that doesn't change the fact that you could never get that info out of me."

"they absolutely could," karol said.

"for sure," krys agreed.

"i just wanted to let you have this," you admitted.

joshua looked between the three of you with his jaw slightly dropped, and seokmin put a hand over his mouth while crossing his arms to disguise the almost laugh on his lips.

"well, i want to see your reaction," krys decided. "so i'm coming."

"wait," soonyoung asked, putting down the retro boombox he had been investigating, among the other things that had been brought from the loft. "like, the surprise?"

"does everyone know about this but me?" you asked, hands hitting your sides in exasperation.

seokmin looked at you with wide, confused eyes. "i don't."

you lifted your hands in a vague prayer towards him. "thank you for your solidarity."

"i wanna see your face, too!" soonyoung said, ignoring you both. "you're gonna freak."

"joshua," you started, turning to him with a look of dread on your face. "what the fuck did you get?"

"i told you!" he exclaimed. "a sex swing!"

there was an excruciatingly long second of silence, making your palm land directly on your face - just above your eye - before seokmin let out a surprised, "a what?"

"he's kidding," you announced, much to the teacher's relief. "and if he's not we're breaking up."

it was decided that the entire party would move to the loft for the surprise reveal, and you watched your friends pile into seokmin's car with your palms sweating slightly and your molars gently gnawing at the fleshy party of your cheek. because, truly, you didn't handle receiving gifts well when you knew what they were, but you didn't have a single clue as to what could be waiting for you in your new home, and that made you a little nervous to have an audience for your possibly piss poor reaction.

joshua's hand found yours on the drive to the apartment. "you okay?"

you blinked and looked over at him, his eyes catching yours between glances at the road. "i don't do surprises."

"so you've said," he nodded. his fingers squeezed at yours lightly and you exhaled. "do you want to know before we go in? you can just act surprised."

your felt your face soften, registering what he was offering you. "joshua, you don't have to do that-"

"i know," he said. "but if it makes you more comfortable, then…"

"no way," you said. "i'll just stop being a baby. you set up a surprise, the least i can do is participate the way you want me to."

he eyed you, then the way you laced your fingers with his. "but you are a baby."

you rolled your eyes. "shut up, no i'm not."

"my baby," he clarified, and you let out an involuntary giggle.

he was guiding you into the kitchen, his large hands placed over your eyes and covering most of your face by proxy, and you didn't quit your playful complaints for the crowd of your closest friends that had gathered around, their presence obvious despite your vision being impaired.

"ready?" joshua asked.

"josh, i literally hate surprises, do we have to do all this?"

"yes," he said frankly. "because i'm doing something nice for us and you're going to love it so can you shut up and let me do this the way i want to like you told me you wanted me to?"

you paused, hearing the way your friends stifled their laughter as you took in a deep breath.

"ready?" he repeated.

"yeah, i guess," you sighed.

the light was harsh when his hands left your face, and you blinked repeatedly at the kitchen that you spent countless hours in, registering what was different. then, it suddenly clicked, the stovetop joshua had always had was replaced by the blue vintage styled range of your dreams.

"joshua!" you gasped, hands going to your face as you spun to look at him, then back at the range. "you bought me a lacanche?!"

he grinned, hands snaking around your waist from behind as you stood frozen in place. "i bought us a lacanche."

seokmin leaned over to krys. "what's a le conch?"

she reached up and put a finger over his mouth, eyes fixed on you. "shh, they're communicating."

you rushed over to the range, joshua following behind you as you ran your hands over the polished chrome handles that you had stared at on the website for years. "and it's all hooked up?"

he nodded, eyes on you with a smile on his face. "tested it last night."

"without me?" you asked, incredulous.

he laughed. "i didn't want to ruin the surprise by burning the loft down directly after."

your finger fidgeted on the handle, looking over to joshua. he gestured for you to go ahead, and you pushed and spun the knob, lighting a burner and squealing. you shut it off again before launching yourself into a hug.

"joshua!" you wailed, arms wrapped around his neck as he laughed, putting his around your waist. "i love it so much ican'tbelieveyouboughtusafucking lacanche range in portuguese blue for no goddamn reason!"

"there was a reason!" he laughed, letting you pull away slightly to study his face. "it's a housewarming gift. i want you to know this place is yours, too, now."

you did your best to suck the tears back into the ducts they belonged in, trying to not show just how much the gesture meant to you in that way, but you were sure one escaped down your cheek when your hands went to the base of his skull, pulling him into a kiss. you forgot the context of the move. you forgot about your friends that had been excitedly crowded in your new kitchen, anticipating your over the top reaction to what they saw as just a new stove. you, however, were overwhelmed by the specifics - the fact that he had picked the color you chose most often when building your hypothetical dream stove on the website you frequented more often than you would ever admit. the fact that it matched the details on the tile of his kitchen backsplash, a detail you hadn't even noticed when you were looking at them online. the chrome vintage knobs, the layout of the burners - everything was exact to what he had seen you dream about, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and care that expressed, hoping you could tell him just how much it meant by working your lips against his.

"ok, gross," krys announced, looking away when the two of you didn't pull apart. "i'm saying goodbye to my wallpaper and we're leaving. would anyone else like to pay their respects?"

seokmin raised his hand, his eyes on the ceiling, and krys grabbed his arm and retreated towards the hall, karol telling them to hurry as soonyoung put up a hand to obstruct his view of you and joshua. when you finally pulled away, it wasn't for their reprieve, though they reacted as though it was. it was so you could look into joshua's eyes, creased with the grin on his face as you gave him a similar one, and you couldn't wait to cook with him, on your, plural, portuguese blue lacanche range, with chrome classique handles, four gas burners, a griddle, and a warming drawer. and it would be your best brunch yet.

[ssamie]

seven. “pretty boy”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide

masterlist.           suicide freak!

"and why did you disappear for two days straight?!" kunikida exclaimed "what could you have possibly been doing all those times you've skipped work?!"

she simply smiled as she hummed under her breath, blatantly ignoring the man. "i told you i had school, kunikida-kun" she said with a soft chuckle

"i know that. i've already let that go since the president approved of it, but your absence is always messing up my schedule!" kunikida grumbled in annoyance as he slammed his hand on her desk.

"you are my partner and you have to work with me and not slack off all the time!"

"are you even listening?!" kunikida shrieked

"of course" she answered mindlessly. she simply stared at the phone she was holding with a cutesy grin and a small blush on her cheeks. "kenma-kun is so adorable! i truly couldnt ask for a better suicide partner!" she gushed 

kunikida irked a brow while atsushi simply sighed. 

"are you seriously following the poor guy around?" atsushi asked "that's kind of wrong you know" he said 

kunikida gritted his teeth and grasped her by the shoulders. "that is what you waste your time on rather than doing your work?!" kunikida exclaimed angrily 

he started shaking her violently, though she still had the same dumb grin on her face as she sluggishly chanted kenma's name 

"oya? would you look at the time, kunikida-kun!" she chimed. she pointed to the wall clock, displaying the time. 7:30. "i have to get to school! bye-bye!" she waved 

suddenly, just before she could exit the door, she turned around to look at him. her eyebrows furrowed as a look of concern painted itself on her features. 

"hey, kunikida-kun" she called out

kunikida glanced at her with gritted teeth, but didn't respond. 

"you should ease down, you know?" she cooed "i heard if you're too neurotic, you'll get lots of wrinkles and your aging becomes accelerated" she said with a hum 

kunikida calmed himself down as he sent her a curious yet wary look. "is that true?" he asked 

"oh, you should take notes" she urged him 

complying, he pulled out his notebook and began writing down. "if you're too neurotic..." he voiced out as he wrote "your aging will-" 

"im messing with you" she admitted nonchalantly 

a loud snap could be heard, emitting from the pen he was holding which was now broken in half.  "bastard! stop ridiculing me!" kunikida exclaimed 

just as the heel of his shoe could hit her, she skillfully dodged and stepped out of the room.  "hehe, see you later~" she cooed as she waved them goodbye 

as kunikida went back to screaming and whining about his good-for-nothing partner, atsushi could only watch in dread and confusion 

atsushi sweat dropped, hesitantly lowering his head on his desk as he muttered under his breath. 

"i really wonder why those two are partners" 

"oya oya. you sure are late, ms. manager" kuroo mused 

she simply laughed in response and waved him off "sorry. i had some things to take care of" she said  "has fukurodani arrived yet?" she asked as she fiddled with the bandages on her neck 

"yeah, they're in the gym. we were waiting for you so we stayed out here for a while" kuroo said 

kenma sent her a longing glance, though he stood still while clutching his PSP in hand.  call him dramatic, but a minute has passed and she hasn't greeted nor tried to convince him on a double suicide yet. 

it was unnerving. 

"oya? you look peeved, kenma" kuroo whispered to him . the bedhead captain smirked teasingly as kenma huffed in annoyance. 

"shut up, kuroo" kenma whispered back 

then finally, she noticed him. she shot him a loopy grin and a wave

"oh, kenma!" she beamed "i have a pretty funny story" kenma smiled and nodded, urging her to continue with her 'funny story' 

"so last night, i tried to put the toaster in my bathtub!" 

noticing her loud and distinctive voice, and her ever so lovely suicidal tales, nekomata let out an amused chuckle. he lead fukurodani's two managers over to the girl. 

"but my power got cut off." she sulked, though kenma just listened along, completely unbothered 

"so i tried again this morning! but ranpo-san stole my toaster-" 

"this is y/n! she's nekoma's newest manager. so far, she's been doing a pretty good job." nekomata chimed in "hi! we're fukurodani's managers!" they greeted 

she excused herself away from kenma, much to his displeasure 

she sent the girls a smile and a wave "hey, i.." she trailed off. the girls look at her curiously as her eyes seemed to follow a certain dark haired setter. 

"i..think i have found the most beautiful boy i've ever laid my eyes on!" she exclaimed. her eyes seemed to sparkle as she studied each inch he had to offer from head to toe. 

"oh, akaashi-kun?!" one of the managers squealed excitedly

"you have good taste, y/n-chan! wanna talk to him?" the other girl asked 

"oh boy, do i?" she grinned as she prance around happily "i have a very important question to ask him!" 

as she and the two managers made their merry way over to akaashi, kuroo and kenma stayed behind watching them. kuroo chuckled and nudged the pudding-head. "heh. looks like you've been replaced" he said 

"y/n found a new boy to- um.. kenma?" kuroo sweatdropped 

kuroo grinned nervously as he watched kenma scrunch his face up in distaste, looking quite agitated as he gave akaashi a nasty glare. 

kenma gritted his teeth as he watched his girl-friend getting hyped up by the girls to talk to the setter. 

"oh no.. is y/n gonna pop the question to their setter?" yaku said as he caught sight of the girl creeping up behind akaashi 

"i think she's just saying hi.." kai intervened with his usual kind smile 

"no.. most likely not" yaku hummed 

she bit back a grin as she tapped akaashi on the shoulder. the setter perked up as he put away his bottle. he looked back to meet sparkling (e/c) colored eyes. 

"oya? can i help you with anything?" akaashi asked 

"akaashi-kun, this is y/n-chan! she's nekoma's manager!" the girls said 

akaashi nodded and bowed politely "nice to meet you, y/n-san. my name is akaashi keiji" 

she wordlessly took his hand in her bandaged ones, much to his surprise. though akaashi still managed to keep his stoic expression despite the soothing touches she left on his skin. 

"i have finally found a reason to live.." she started off dramatically "a reason to live? no! a reason i've kept living until now!" she exclaimed 

she looked up at him with sparkling eyes, filled with endearment and admiration. "that's right! i've lived to this day so i can go on a double suicide with you!" 

akaashi raised his eyebrows in surprise, while the entirety of nekoma simply bowed in apology from behind her. 

"i-is that so?" akaashi asked, a small chuckle emitting from his lips "yes! im sure of it!" she said "ah, mon amour~" she cooed 

"double suicide?" akaashi muttered in confusion "feel free to do it on your own..?" 

"well, maybe don't do it at all, actually" akaashi said with a soft chuckle.

"a double suicide is not possible alone!" she countered 

akaashi blinked and looked up at nekoma, who were still silently apologising. the dark haired setter looked at her in concerned and asked, "are you in need of a therapist or perhaps someone to talk to, y/n-san?" 

"why would you ask that, mon amour?" she smiled nervously 

"im quite concerned for you." akaashi said "and if you don't, i'd be happy to refer you one." he offered 

she silently stared at him with a smile, him doing the same. his hands were still in hers as they looked at each other in silence. she then flushed a soft pink as she dramatically covered her face with her hands. 

"ah! your vitality is blinding!" she exclaimed 

akaashi simply laughed and nodded along, slightly amused by her crazy and bubbly persona. 

"AKGAAASHII!" bokuto's loud voice called out 

"bokuto-san.." akaashi responded, looking back to meet eyes with his overly energetic friend running towards them 

"oh my" she said with a hum. she simply watched as the gray haired boy slapped his hand on akaashi's back. 

"hey hey hey!" bokuto cheered "did you see my totally awesome spike just now, akaashi?!" bokuto asked, followed by a loud and booming laugh 

"im sorry bokuto-san, but i didn't" akaashi said in his usual monotonous voice. almost instantly, bokuto's mood dropped. his hair drooped as a frown etched itself on his face. 

"r-really?" he sniffled with a pout 

"i saw it." she chimed in 

bokuto then grinned, successfully breaking out of his dejected mode. his head snapped towards her, a proud and happy look on his face. 

"is that so? so you saw how i broke through those blocks?! did you?!" bokuto asked eagerly 

she laughed softy, covering her mouth with her hands, as she nodded. "that's right." she said "i don't think i've seen anyone spike that hard. so far, atleast" 

akaashi sweat dropped as he watched bokuto cheer happily, repeatedly chanting his 'hey hey hey' catchphrase as he does so. 

"you shouldn't butter him up so much, y/n-san" akaashi said "though im very grateful. i'd have to resort in not setting to him until he snapped out of it, once again." he chuckled 

she grasped his hands in hers again and sighed dreamily "ah! your decisiveness is even more blinding!" 

"ehem. y/n." kenma chimed in. he fake coughed as he sneakily glared at their hands. "we need you back on our team." he said 

"right, right" she sighed 

"well then, hopefully, i'll see you both later" she said as she waved bokuto and akaashi goodbye 

"it was nice to meet you, y/n-san" akaashi smiled at her

she blinked rapidly as she studied the angelic boy infront of her. "ah! your beauty is truly blinding!" she exclaimed, dramatically holding out her hand to touch his face 

though, before her skin can make contact with his, kenma was already pulling her away. 

"you shouldn't waste your time of day flirting around with guys you see." kenma said in a quiet voice. he kept an emotionless expression as he guided her back to the bench. 

"hmm. i see" she said. she smirked as she studied his tense shoulders and the agitated aura flowing out of him. 

"ne, kenma-kun" she called out "what made you think i was flirting with akaashi?" she asked tauntingly 

kenma stopped in his tracks and side eyed her "huh? well you were-" 

"or better yet.." she cut him off "why are you so bothered?" she smirked "are you perhaps jealous, kenma-kun?" she asked with a teasing hum 

kenma flinched and looked away to avoid her eyes. "no.. why would you say that?" 

"its not like i have any reason to be, anyways" kenma said 

she smiled knowingly and shrugged. "well, i guess you're right." she mused "after all, you're just a friend. i can look for many more and ask others to join me on my goal of a double suicide." 

kenma furrowed his brows at her awfully unfiltered and hurtful words. he stared at her back as he watched her walk away. 

"why.." he muttered 

"hm?" she hummed, sparing him a glance as she took a seat on the bench. 

kenma walked up to her, his hands laying limp on his sides as he lowered his head.  "why would you say that?" he muttered 

she softly smiled as she leaned back on the seat. "why wouldn't i?" she mused 

"b-because!" kenma exclaimed, it was a bit louder than he had intended. the boys of nekoma looked at them from the other side of the gym. 

kuroo chuckled in amusement while the others look at him in confusion "what's happening?" yaku asked  "dunno, yakkun. maybe a lover's quarell or something" kuroo said jokingly 

"ooohh! they're lovers?!" lev asked excitedly 

"idiot." yaku muttered 

kenma racked his brain for the right words to say while she simply watched him with a smile. 

"yare yare, don't beat yourself up about it" she sneered "after all, im just messing with you" she said with a small chuckle 

kenma pouted at her. he stuffed his hands in the side of his shorts and turned away. "you're so mean." he said with a frown 

"eh?? i was just joking!" she exclaimed as she pulled him back by his arm, forcing him to sit next to her. "after all, i'd never replace you!" she squealed loudly as she latched her arms around him. 

"never never never!" she chanted repeatedly as she nuzzled her cheek along his hair 

kenma groaned as he felt himself getting tossed and tugged around like a doll, once again. 

"i won't let you go until we both drop dead!" she exclaimed loudly. she had a blush on her face, paired with a dreamy smile "ah! imagine dying alongside each other!" 

she squeezed kenma even tighter, possibly crushing his ribs and windpipe. "ah! i wouldn't have it any other way!" she exclaimed with teary eyes

"o-okay, i get it!" kenma wheezed 

he pushed her away and gently massaged his aching body. "geez. keep doing that and you'll kill me before you can have your awfully anticipated double suicide" he said 

he then walked away, back towards the team by the court. as she fully registers his words, she blinked in shock and looked at his retreating figure. 

"does that mean you'll go on a double suicide with me?" she asked 

"dont get your hopes up." 

leaving her behind, kenma walked up to the team, ignoring their painfully obvious stares. 

"what." he spat out, sending his teammates an irritated look. 

"oh, nothing. nothing at all~" kuroo mused, a small smirk grazing his lips 

kenma sighed and picked up a ball, blatantly ignoring kuroo and yamamoto who were now hovering over his shoulder 

"nice job, kenma! you finally snagged a girl!" yamamoto cheered "please go away" kenma muttered 

kuroo laughed and slung his arm around him. "don't worry kenma, no other boy will be taking up your lady's attention" he mused. kenma sighed and turned away from them. 

"again, please go away" 

it was the end of the day, and fukurodani was settling in an Inn a block down from nekoma. "wanna eat out today? i can call over some people from the other team" kuroo asked them 

"yeah! im so hungry!" yamamoto whined 

"are you coming, y/n-senpai?" inouka asked her 

she simply smiled and nodded. "sure, i'd love to-" 

though she cut herself off as she felt some minimal movement and a pressure nearing her face. she quickly grasped whatever it is in her hand just before it could fully pierce her skin. 

"oya? what’s this?" she muttered with a hum 

"e-eh?? y/n-senpai is that a knife?!" lev shrieked in fear, making the others look her way. 

sure enough, she was standing there, holding a dagger by the hilt. the said dagger pointed to her face. 

"why do you have that?" kenma asked, a hint of panic and worry in his tone 

"well, i was sure it came from nowhere, really" she replied nonchalantly. she pulled the blade away, revealing a small shallow cut on the side of her cheek. a lone drop of blood dripped down from the wound.

she wiped it off with the back of her hand, causing the white bandages to stain a crimson red. 

"what do you mean?" yaku asked, now also worried. 

"well, it came from that direction-" she stopped herself as another dagger came flying towards her. though she used the one in her hand to skillfully block it before it could hit her. 

"oi! who the hell threw that?!" yamamoto exclaimed angrily. the boy looked around the empty street, trying to see who would dare try to hurt their friend. 

"hmm." she hummed thoughtfully, twirling the dagger in her hand. 

"plotting as usual?" a voice called out 

the boys watched in confusion as she perked up from the sound, a look of dread and agitation looming her features. 

"that voice.." she muttered, her face slightly scrunched up 

"its been quite long, and seeing you like this.." he said "soft, vulnerable, wounded.."

"its quite laughable. won't you agree, y/n?" chuuya sneered

she simply gagged and threw the dagger away. "gross! man, gross!" she whined out 

"i like that reaction" chuuya replied nonchalantly "it makes me wanna strangle you." 

she simply gritted her teeth as she watched him in agitation. her eye twitched every so often as he walked towards her. 

kuroo butted in, a look of confusion in his face. "um, sorry but who the hell is this?" he asked with a scoff 

kuroo looked down at chuuya, who simply ignored him and made his merry way towards the girl. 

"did you miss me, you suicidal brat?" chuuya spat out with a laugh 

she simply groaned and hugged kenma's arm as a way to scurry away from chuuya. 

"ugh. ew."

[merci-bitch]

My Sweet Little One part II

Rose The Hat x fem!reader

Warning(s): swearing, slight abuse, PDA? 

Words: 2,5k

A/N: It has been quite a while. Hasn’t it? Haha. Well there might be a part 3 to this. It’s not as long as the first part which is 8k, and I have no idea how to make links so sadly I can’t link it here. ;/ . Hopefully there will more stories coming soon!

I made Y/N mine, alright. And everyone knew it, for sure. The next night she laid in my bed, I made her scream my name until her vocal chords were raw and made sweat crack across her place physiognomy.

No one could have her body the way I do, specially that loathsome rube. But he doesn't matter now.' I told myself. Though I wanted to make him pay. Rip his heart out and eat it on a silver platter after making him after making him suffer. Who the hell does he think he is? Laying his hands on my Y/n. They might both be steamy but he should see me. Oh yes, I am a cathedral compared to his small amount of steam.

"Rosie?" Y/n's voice pulled me out of my self induced trance. "Yes love?" I hummed. "You were zoning off again. Is something the matter?" I loved hearing the sweetness in her voice. It was like music to my ears.

"No darling, I'm quite alright." I smiled and placed my lips against hers and gave her a soft kiss. 'If only she knew though.' I thought to myself but shoved that aside for the moment. I could feel her soft hands gently caressing my bare skin and moved closer to her. Normally I preferred being the big spoon but on this moment, I didn't quite mind. She was home now and has been for quite a few weeks but still, I missed her.

"You're sure?" I nodded and ran my hands through Y/n's hair. "You're so pretty. You know that right?" She nodded and I smirked. "There is no one quite like you." Y/n's cheeks flushed cherry red and I chuckled. "No shame, darling. I only speak the truth."

"I know." She gave me a small smile that made me swell up inside. "Have you thought about my offer?" Y/n let out a sigh and I sat up. "I have but-"

"But what?" I tried my hardest not to sound angry. "When you stabbed me before, you told me it was for steam?" I nodded cordially. "Is that...what you guys eat?"

"Does it matter?" I expected to have her argue with me a little bit but surprisingly she didn't. Which I was thankful for. I took Y/n's hands gently in my own and kissed them. "Look, I know it's hard for you to wrap your head around but their pain is our gain. Don't you want to have a life with me? Unconditional bliss?"

She looked down as she slowly sat up and started fumbling with her hands. I wanted to say things, but I didn't want her to run away again. I didn't want to lose her again. She was mine, and only mine.

—— You don't know what it's like, not knowing who you are. To have lived in the shadows and to have travelled this far. Now I've seen a flashes of fire and echos of screams. But I still have faith, faith that someday my memories will come back.

In my dreams, it's all real. And my heart has so much to reveal. And my dreams seems to say, 'don't be afraid to go on, don't give up hope, come what may.' I know it will all come back! One day!

In my dreams shadows call. There's a light at the end a hall. Then my dreams fade away, but I know it will all come back one day. I just remember, rain against the windows. Sheets upon a bed. Terrifying nurses whispering overhead.

It was all strange. Rose, everyone. They say I was found on the side of the road. It had recently rained. In the darkness and cold with the wind in the trees. A girl with no name, and no memories but these above. I don't know a thing before that. Traveling the back roads, sleeping in the wood. I was always taking what I needed, working when I could. Keeping up my courage, foolish as it seems.

In my dreams I've always dreamed of a city. I dream of a city beyond all compare. Is it Paris? Paris... A beautiful river, a bridge by a scare and I hear a simple voice whisper, 'I'll meet you right there in Paris.' Paris.

Dancing bears, painted wings. Things I almost remember, and a song someone sings. It's almost December. Once upon a December. Someone holds me safe and warm. Horses prance through a silver storm. Figures dancing gracefully and across my memory.

Far away, long ago. Glowing dim as an ember and things my heart used to know and things it yearns to remember. And a song someone used to sing.

Heart don't fail me now and courage don't desert me. Don't turn back now that we're here. People have always said, life is full of choices and they aren't wrong but they never mentioned fear. Or how the world can seem so vast. On a simple journey to the past.

Somewhere down this road. I know someone true is waiting. Years of dreams just can't be wrong! Someone's arms will open wide and I'll be safe and wanted. Finally a place where I belong. Well, starting now I'm learning fast! On my journey to my past.

Home, love and family. There has to be a time where I had them too. I wouldn't be complete until I find you. But always one step at a time. One hope, then another. Who knows where this road may go? I wanna go back to who I was. On to find my future. There are things my heart still needs to know. Yes! Let this be some kind of sign and let this road be mine. Let it lead me to my past, and bring me home. At last!

—

"So, when the fuck was you gonna tell me."

"Hm? Tell you what my dear."

"Cut the sweet act Rose."

"What's wrong with you? Did they tease you again? You want tea?"

"Oh fuck you."

"Watch it."

"Watch it?! You have some fucking nerve Rose."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. The fuck did you think was gonna happen?"

"Seriously, what do you mean Y/N."

"Did you think I was gonna forget your words? Think I was gonna forget how useless and worthless you called me?"

"Y/N, I-"

"Shut it. I know exactly what you said, I'm not stupid or will I ever fall for some cover up you're calling this. I was happy without you!"

"You would never survive without me!"

"I did perfectly well for 10 fucking years Rose!"

"You call that happy?! With that Danny? You call that happy Y/N?"

"He loved me! He took care of me! More then you'd ever done, he took me for what I was. He picked up the pieces you broke."

"You better watch it. I don't mind killing you myself."

"See, this is exactly where you and I are different. I spend years not fitting in but thinking it was fine. Cause you were 'there' and cuddled me. Did you ever really love me? Cause you're blaming me for everything here, when it actually was you who fucked it up."

"I fucked it up?! You were the one who was so fucking ungrateful!"

"Ungrateful?! I have a fucking soul!"

"No, you don't! Cause you fucking sold it to the devil. You're not human. We turned you Y/N!"

"Excuse me what?"

"What?"

"No, don't change subject. What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Did you fucking turn me without me saying you could?! Rose what the fuck!"

"What, you're mine. Just had to claim you. You'll be fine."

"Fine?! I don't wanna feed of dead kids Rosie!"

"They're actually quite delicious."

"You're fucking sick."

"Didn't stop you from fucking me."

"I didn't really have a choice."

"I didn't fucking rape you."

"Nah, it felt like it."

"You screamed my name out of pleasure."

"How come you were so sure of that?"

"I saw it, I saw your mind."

"What if that was just for play?"

"Oh, fuck you."

"I'd kill you if you tried."

"Oh, sweetheart. I'd like to see you try."

"Come at me."

"You can't be serious."

"Come kill me Rose."

"No."

"Coward."

"You're a bitch. A fucking bitch."

"Yet you put up with me for years. Took me back in when I was vulnerable. Loved me, well. Kind of. You held me close to you. Favorited me. So technically, I was your bitch."

"Exactly. You're my bitch."

"I was, not anymore."

"You'll always be my bitch. You're so weak for me, nothing will change that."

"Rose-"

"Begging already? Hm. Get on your knees."

"What?"

"Now!"

"Never."

"Get on your fucking knees before I make you."

"Make me then."

"You're playing with fire Y/N. I fucking hate you."

"Yeah, yeah. We've all heard that. How about something new?"

Before I knew it, her hand was wrapped around my throat. Holding me up in the air. Not a single piece of happiness or softness in her eyes. It was just dark. Her whole face was filled with anger. The veins in her throat showed as she strained. Her jaw clenched. Her hand squeezing harder around my throat. More and more air was ripped from my throat.

"You'll learn your fucking place. You disgraceful little piece of shit."

Her fingernails started to dig into the skin of my neck and my vision started to blacken out. Clawing at her hand. Choking on whatever air that was left in my lungs.

"R-Rosie-"

"Hm? Can't really hear you, my dear."

Her hand tightened even more and I felt my limbs go lump. Everything going dark.

-

"I don't know Abra. She's been gone for so long. She was missing when I came back from the bathroom at the cinema. You haven't seen anything?"

"No, I've been trying. It's like Rose is cutting her off from us."

"I just hope she's alright. She doesn't deserve all this."

"I know, but we'll find her."

—

"Sweetheart? Hey, wake up."

I felt someone slap my cheek. Groaning in pain, moving my head away. Slowly opening my eyes.

"Rose?"

"Yes, I'm right here."

"What happened?"

"My dear child, you passed out. You had a nightmare from sleeping and got up and started crying. Then you just dropped."

"Really? I don't remember."

"Oh, don't worry. I've got you."

Rose put her arms around me and pulled the covers over us, giving my forehead a kiss. I couldn't put my thought to it. Was that really what happened? I shook my head and snuggles close to Rose. Breathing in her scent. Relaxing. Smiling softly and looking up at her.

"What? What are you smiling about."

"Nothing."

"Come on, I can see there's something."

"I just -"

"Yes?"

"I love you, Rosie."

"I love you too Y/N."

—

"Rose? Is this really how it has to go?"

"Yes, my dear. Now come on. Stab her."

"I-I don't know, it's just a child."

"What have I told you before?"

"I-, their pain, our gain."

"That's it. Now come, feed your family."

Rose's hands were on my waist, her nose brushing against the back of my neck. I slowly raised the knife in the air. Feeling a sort of deja vu. Had I done this before? I couldn't have. Despite the child's cries, pleas and begging Rose was right. Their pain was our gain. I had to do this to feed the family. The true knot was my family.

Muttering a soft 'sorry' before stabbing the child. Stabbing it over and over again. Hearing both Rose's and Crow's laughter behind me. I felt angry for some reason, the child in front of me was the beat for my anger. The piece to take out all the unknown anger. Again and again. Until there was nothing left. Dropping the knife, shaking.

"You did so great, look at all that steam! Well last for weeks! If not even months. Good girl."

Rose gave me a wet kiss and stroked my cheek.

"Rosie?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Have I done this before?"

"What? Stabbing a child?"

"Yeah, I got like a deja vu."

"Well, haven't we all wished to kill children?"

Her carefree laughter filled the air. It didn't make any sense, but it had to.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Don't be so sad now, poppet. You did well."

"It just feels weird. I was a child too once."

"We all were. But now we are adults, we are the true knot. We live as more powerful then pathetic rubes. You said so yourself."

"I did?"

"Right you did."

"Oh, I can't remember much."

Rose stroked my cheek again and pulled me against her. Rubbing my back and watched the moonlight with me. It was silent. Was it nice? Was it confusing? Was it awkward?

"I just, this doesn't feel right."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like I've been walking, but with my face turned to the sun. This weight on my shoulders. And I feel as if I need to run. I do what I can to please you and the others, I just feel like an outsider."

"This is your home, can't you hear freedom calling? Calling you to stay. Don't you feel it in your bones? You belong here."

"In the morning before the sun starts shining, we gotta start moving again, can I drive with you?"

"Always."

—

"So I'm gonna stand up, and take my people with me. Together we are going to our brand new home. Far across the river. Do you hear freedom calling? Calling you to answer their prayer."

"That's what you got?"

"Yes, it was all I could find out."

"It's not really helpful."

"I know, I don't know what's going on. Before it was so easy to track her."

—

"I go to prepare a place for you."

Rose watched you sleep. She knew it wouldn't be long until your memories would come back. Her and Crow had been talking about what to do with you. She didn't want to kill you. She did love you, but if she had to she would kill you. You were steamy but she didn't know if it was that good. She had only tasted it once, but it was only little bit.

It had tasted like flowers. For some reason each time Rose would think about it. She would feel this, this heavy feeling in her chest. She didn't know what it was. It couldn't be guilt, could it? No. Of course not. Rose The Hat never had guilt. She was a strong a confident woman. Powerful. The queen bitch of castle hell.

Rose O'Hara knew guilt, knee pain and specially weakness. Rose The Hat could never dream of getting on her knees for anyone.

If she had to kill the one thing she loved. She fucking would.

[fangirl-everythang]

Happy Father's Day Part 3

Summary: 3/3 Well, its the last part.

Warning: Sad, Mentions Death.

Word Count: 2269

"Harry? " I answer the phone.

"It's not Harry but glad you know your numbers." that high pitch annoying ass voice squeals. Rubbing my stomach, the baby's in go position and any day now my oven will be done baking. And of course, this bitch is answering his phone.

"Well bye-bye just thought you should know where he was at. " In the background, I hear Harry's voice going on about something so it must be true. Hanging up I sigh letting the hot tears roll down my cheeks. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I blame myself really, I let him back into my life and this doesn't surprise me. I gotta pee.

Waddling over to the bathroom door a gasp leaves my mouth feeling the surge of liquids fall between my legs. Holy shit. My water broke! Fuck gotta go. Thankful my bag was already in the car. Harry had insisted once I hit the 36-week mark claiming Styles's are either early or fashionably late.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. My knuckles turning white as I grasp the wheel. Nope, I'm not pushing anything out of my vagina. Can't do it. I refuse.

The contraction going away after a few brief moments of completely unreasonable pain. Dialing the numbers, I know by second nature, thankfully she picks up on the fourth ring.

"I don't think you should drive y/n"

" Just call 911. I'm almost there! " Gemma ecstatically shouts. She's just like her brother, "Where's Harrold? "

I put the seatbelt on and wince. It's just 28 minutes I can do this. "He's with his whore."

I can hear an audible gasp, "he wouldn't he's so excited for Athena"

"Well I just called him and she answered. " I grunt keeping my eyes on the two lanes ahead of me. Fuck I hate merging lanes people don't know how to drive.

"I'll be at the hospital as soon as possible but my phones gonna-" the line went dead. She did say she was on like 10% oh well.

I can do this just focus y/n. "Hear that baby girl we're almost there, hang on okay Hunny. " I say as a reminder to myself that soon I'll be leaving with another human with me.

6 miles to go that's what I'm talking about, another sharp pain spreads throughout my abdomen while waiting for the light to turn green. "OH COME ON. FOR FUCKS SAKE!" they're getting closer by the minute. Shit. Arriving at a four-way intersection. I'm relieved to be at a red light, the contractions are longer and much more frequent. "Almost there Athena, this is the last light and a straight shot from there."

Abruptly my car is jerked forward with a sharp impact pushing to the oncoming lights. All I see are lights from both directions colliding with my 3,000-pound piece of metal. Sounds of shattering glass and sirens are the last thing I hear before it all fades to black.

||||||||||||||||

Harry's POV

"Has anyone seen Mr. Style's phone?" The helpful aid asked around the dressing room. I could've sworn I put it down for a moment. Y/n could go into labor any minute now and how I am supposed to know. Fuck. I'm stupid.

I was supposed to be here to perform and list nominees and then go back home to y/n. I can't wait to propose to her, she's all I could ever want and she's giving me the most wonderful gift I could ever ask for. Running a hand through my damp hair, the lights really build a sweat, I hear a familiar voice. "Looking for this lover? " she asks slipping my phone into my pocket.

"Good luck at home. " she smiles and winks. Before I could question it she walks away.

Looking down at the device my heart skips a beat, I have 146 missed calls. And I've been gone for 5 hours. Seeing Gemma's name on the screen again I swipe to answer.

"Hell-"

"Harry," she says sniffling.

"Gemma what's wrong? did I miss it? Oh my god I hope not"

"I think it would be best if you came now Harry." she breaks her voice cracking.

"Gem what?"

"Listen Harry, she needs you right now so please." she cries. Not needing another word, I tell Jackson the address and that I need to be there as fast as possible, 45 minutes later we're pulling into the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital.

"Congrats Harry!" Jackson says letting me out at the door. "Thank you!" I beam back at him.

Seeing Gemma, her eyes are puffy with tears still flowing. "Gem what's wro-," a sharp pain to my right cheek stings. Never has Gemma hit me like that, well not since I cut her prom dress. "How could you Harry? Cheat on her again WITH TAYLOR for Christ sakes!" She yells.

"I didn't cheat," I explain to my sister as calm as I can.

She looks at me with wild eyes pulling me into a hallway with fewer people, "Then what happened Harrold?" I clench my jaw instead of speaking, how dare she accuse me of cheating on my pregnant soon-to-be fiancé. Y/n Styles has a great catch don't you think?

"Is she here yet? Gem where are they?" I ask ready to see my new family.

She begins crying again "Harry there was an accident." Those five words make my breathing come to a halt. My heart shatters in a million pieces "Is Y/n okay? What happened?" She begins walking me to a door. "This one," she points. Looking through the glass I see y/n with bruises and cuts to her beautiful face, her stomach nearly deflated from when I last saw her this morning, a cast on a swollen leg of hers, and a sling holding a very damaged arm. Tears brim at my eyes looking at my love on that hospital bed. "She's awake." Gemma walks past me running to the outside.

I gently knock on the door, waiting for a response which I don't get. "Y/n?" I approach her almost as If I were going to help an injured puppy. "Hey love" I smile at her which she glares at me and then turns wincing in pain. "You wanted this didn't you Harry?" I look at her confused. "This is probably great for you, a way out. Well leave." She states using whatever energy she can find.

"Baby I didn't want- I want you and Athena" She breaks down in uncontrollable tears.

"You were with that her and couldn't even bother to pick up your phone!" she screams. "Y/n I wasn-" a knock at the door interrupts my sentence, "Come in" She says glaring at me as a nurse opens the door.

"Hey there Mama, we have a visitor." the nurse wheel in a tiny cart that has a bunch of equipment coming from it. She looks at me and asks Y/n, "Is this dad?" she nods and rolls her eyes. "About time you made it!" She smiles my way. Placing the beautiful baby in front of us. She's so small and fragile. "The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you." She states picking up the tiny child and putting her in Y/n's arm.

"Hi pumpkin," Y/n coos into her ear. "Guess who decided to show?" She smiles, a tear falling from the corner of her eye. She nods her head towards me as I go to hold her. She's so soft and precious. Her small eyes have a gorgeous mix of both mine and Y/n's. She has such a cute round face, I couldn't imagine her looking any different.

"Hi there angel, I'm so sorry I was late." I see a spot dampen on her blanket that surrounds her, knowing that I'm crying. Her small eyes shining like twinkling stars. So small I can feel her fragile body between my large hands.

Another knock before the door opens when several doctors walk in. "Mrs. Y/ln, unfortunately, we have some bad news,"

"Oh, hello there Mr. Styles." They state acknowledging my existence. One of the female doctors places a black and white image on the lighted board illuminating the small figure.

"Unfortunately, due to the accident, Athena has suffered from what we call a fetomaternal hemorrhage."

"What exactly are you saying?" Y/n ask looking at the child still in my arms.

The slightly shorter male doctor points to the image. "This is an abscess of blood in the brain. Unfortunately, the risk is too large to operate. I'd give her another day at most."

"You m-mean," Tears start pouring down her face" I was so scared she was hurt. I-I promise I saw the light it was red, and I-I stopped but," She began heaving losing more air with each word. I gently rub her back as I cradle Athena with one arm.

"She's still being monitored but I'm afraid she won't have much longer." The first doctor breaks the silence. "According to the police report the car that struck you from behind happened to be a drunk driver, Gage Joyce." I can feel the anger surging through me. "I remember the clashing of metal, glass breaking, the sirens but it all went b-black." She mumbles, seemingly remembering the awful experience. I grab her hand in hopes of comforting her but it doesn't seem to work.

"After striking your car at 72 mph it had ample force to push your vehicle into the opposite traffic. Your vehicle took the most impact and was hit by four other cars. On scene, EMT's said you were in and out of consciousness mumbling about a baby. Taken and brought to the L&D." he finishes.

"Fetomaternal hemorrhages are often caused by trauma and sometimes can be revered but in this case, we've done all we can do." They all frown looking at the small girl still in my arms.

"No, there's got to be more you can bloody do! We're in a hospital for Christ sakes!" I exclaim, passing my daughter to the love of my life. She gently caresses her soft skin. She's literally a perfect combination of us. I cannot lose my family.

"You can leave, thank you all for your help." y/n says quietly, they oblige by her wishes and leave us with our daughter.

"Harry," she wipes a tear from her face cautious of the IV placed on her hand, "If what they say is true, I just want to spend time with her." She sniffles. I nod understanding. She looks back at the small being in her arms, "Hi pretty girl, Mommy's so happy to meet you," she unfolds the blanket from her. I sit next to her on the small bed in the room that smells of sterilization. Placing my finger near hers' she wraps her small hand around my thumb, her grip so tight for someone so small. Y/n kisses her forehead, "Harry," she runs her finger along her small legs.

"Can you sing the song?" nodding and softly singing Isn't she Lovely by Stevie Wonder, in the small hospital bed as our new life falls asleep. All night I watch her little chest rise and fall allowing y/n to get some rest soon following my two loves.

By the early morning, nurses are rushing in because of the loud beeping from the monitor, waking y/n and I. It feels like everything is happening so fast but in slow motion right in front of me. Those three words are the ones I didn't want to hear. "No! no. I have to take her home. She's gotta go home..." Y/n screams, not being able to see her face due to the tears in my eyes falling and rebuilding themselves faster than the speed of light. "Call it." One of the nurses shouts.

"Time of Death 6:18 am March 7th, 2019"

As they cleared out the room, I see her small lifeless body curled into a blanket, almost as if she were sleeping, but no longer do breaths fall from her small heart-shaped lips.

//////////////////////////

Y/n hasn't said a word since we got in the car. It's been four days since we lost Athena. She slowly climbs into the car, still sore from the accident and birth. I go to the backseat holding back my emotions and putting the empty car-seat in the trunk of the car that should have been holding three of us.

Starting the silent journey back home she continues to look out of the window, a frown etched on her mouth, tears rolling down her cheeks as she instinctively touches her somewhat deflated stomach. What kind of sick joke is this?

"Harry why were you with her?" she asks me looking down at what used to be her baby bump.

"I wasn't love, she took my phone while I was on stage." She just nods and remains silent until we pull up to the flat. She begins walking up the stairs as best she can. "Y/n wait, let me help."

"No Harry!" She yells. Pain evident in her voice, ignoring her I open the door and help her inside. "Harry I can't do this." I stare at her confused, "What can't you do y/n?"

"Us Harry. I can't look at you and not think of her." She sobs.

"Y/n we can-" I try to reason with her.

"No Harry, please just go." She whispers.

"I'm not losing both of you," I state holding back my own sobs. I feel like everything feels like it's getting smaller around me, suffocating in grief.

"You already have."

A/N: What can I say I have a thing for dark endings. Anyways I really appreciate the support loves. I hope you enjoy these! Right now I've been working on a Loki piece, I'm so excited for it. I changed the writing style tho, so it's not 1st person per usual. I think it's going pretty well so far.

xoxo Janelle

[devinescribe]

[Ludus]

Niragi Suguru × Reader

So... here we go!!! I'm so exciteddd!! Because Y/N does get to slap him this time-

Warnings: swearing, mentions of past abuse/trauma. I think that's about it.

Eros, sexual or erotic love. Can be the love you share with a partner. Lust.

Philia, platonic love. The love you share with friends.

Storge, natural love. The love you share with your family.

Philautia, love of self.

Pragma, long standing love. The love of a married couple.

Agápe, unconditional or Devine love.

Ludus, childish or playful love/flirting.

You were the cupid of Ludus. Anytime a young person needed your help in finding a love that was playful, you helped. The person could be young, or just young at heart. Whatever it was, you helped fulfil their love lives.

"(Y/N)! Someone's saying something about love next to candy, it might be a job for you!" You heard Stroge's voice call for you. Your eyes lit up. You hadn't had a job in so long. You rushed over, holding the edges of your pink dress so you didn't trip over the wisps of clouds.

The clouds in front of all of you transformed into a screen. There was a boy with dark raven colored hair, glasses, and dark eyes. Blood covered his hands and face, as well as a few bruises. "Oh my! Why, this is new..." Philia exclaimed. ''This is probably... the w-weirdest thing I've done... but I r-really wish she loved me," you heard him say. "He's sad! I wanna go, please? I haven't had one in 2,000 years, pleaseeee?" You begged, clasping your hands together. They all looked at each other before looking back. "Lady Aphrodite, what do you think?" Eros asked with a smile. The woman in question smiled gracefully, before nodding her head. "Yes! I promise I'll do my best!" You giggled, before touching the scene in the cloud. Warmth spread throughout your body, the heat being pleasant as if you were walking under the sun, and then, you felt cold. The sudden difference made you shiver. Where was this kid anyways?

"W-what the hell!" The boy exclaimed, backing away. His back hit the wall, and you pouted. "Come on now! You summoned me," you said. "Y-youre... you... I did what?" He stuttered. "You said you wished she loved you back and there's candy somewhere, so I got sent down here,'' you chirped, lifting the edges of your white dress, getting close to him. "I died didn't I? They finally killed me?" He said, slapping the side of his face. He began to pinch at his skin, wincing when he pinched at one of the bruises. "Am I dreaming? I've got to be. They knocked me out, I'm dreaming. No way. There's no way this is real," he muttered to himself. Then you grabbed his hands to stop his actions. The way your hands felt, warm and soft, couldn't have been something out of a dream. This was real. "Oh my god oh no... what did grandma always say? Don't mess with the spirits and devines. Don't do it. And what did I do? I messed with the devines, and here I am," he whispered. His eyes were wide, looking you up and down quickly. "I'm not gonna hurt you, you know. I'm here here to help!" You said, placing a hand on his cheek. You used your magic to heal up the bruises, cuts, and other things. He felt a slight warming sensation spread lightly. "There. All fixed up," you said, patting his head.

"So... let's start over. Hiya, my names (Y/N), cupid of Ludus!" You introduced. It was about an hour later, and he had finally come to terms with it. "Niragi Suguru... um, explain what the cupid thing is?" He questioned. You nodded. "There's seven of us in total! Each represents one of the words the Greeks used for love. Ludus is childish or playful love and flirting," you explained. You looked towards his clothes, a school uniform covered in dust, blood and dirt, and back down to your clothes, a long, white, flowy dress with loose sleeves. It was the kind that reminded you of your home in your past life.. You frowned, snapping your fingers. "Much better," you sighed. You had changed into a pink hoodie with a white pleated skirt. A pair of white platform boots with silver buckles completed the outfit. You had also cleaned up his clothes, and he looked shocked yet again. "Oh, and my lucky charm! Niragi, meet Squishy! He's my bun bun!" You giggled, waving around the white stuffed bunny. He cracked a smile, and pet it. "So... how old are you?" He asked, quickly adding, "If you don't mind me asking, of course."

You thought for a moment on how you should answer. "Well... I look around your age. I can make myself look whatever age I want, but technically speaking... I'm as old as Aphrodite. About a 500 years younger then her... so... about 5,000 years old? Does that answer it?" You responded. He nodded. "So... you're immortal? What like lead... to you being created?" He asked. You snuggled into him, being cold. He jumped at the contact. "It's cold... and if you wanna know, I'm gonna stay here," you said, holding onto him even him more. "O-okay..." he stuttered. "All of us cupids were mortals once. All of us died in ways that were... horrific for some, and also trauma. The gods took pitty or interest in us, and decided to save us," you explained, playing with the buttons on his uniform, unbuttoning and buttoning them back up.

"What a-are you doing?" He asked, grabbing your hands. You smiled, "Need to fidget with something." He was confused, but let you be. "Alright. Can you tell me a bit more about the cupids? Or just... yourself?" He questioned.

"Well there's 7 of us. Each of us has a lucky item, a color and food that can be used to summon us, we work with the gods and goddesses of love from every religion... hmmm, what else? Oh, my past is kinda dark. I was a princess! So, with that, my parents wanted me to be perfect. But, I couldn't, so punishments were required if I messed up. The man I was betrothed to was disgusting... Oh, and if you're wondering, my parents killed me. You know how royal families are. Crazy. So, now I'm here. Does that answer your question?" You responded. He blinked while nodding. "That was a lot. I'm sorry you went through that," he said, sympathy evident in his tone. You frowned, your hands playing with his hair. He leaned into your touch, a content sigh leaving his lips. "Yay! I made you happy! Right? Did I?" You questioned, sitting on his lap. He nodded, looking up at you. "You're cute. I'm not sure why you need my help getting a girl," you pouted, fingers weaving into his dark hair. He blushed slightly at your words. Cute? No one called him cute. He never assumed he was cute. Why did you think that?

"I didn't know I summoned you, so... yeah," he answered. "Well, now I'm here until she falls in love with you, with my help of course," you said. He cracked a smile, nodding. "I have to get home, so... let's go," he said, trying to push you off him softly. You shook your head, nuzzling into his chest. 'I thought she was supposed to help her fall in love with me, not make me fall for her!' He was having an internal panic at the moment. You finally got off of him, and floated besides him. "Let's go then."

"So no one else can see or hear you?" He questioned. You two were currently in his room. You nodded, before looking out the window into the street below. "We're so high up! Wow!" You exclaimed. He laughed, "Don't you live in the sky?" You pouted at his laughter. "And? I think it looks pretty outside right now," you said. It was raining outside, the droplets hitting the glass with a satisfying sound. "I prefer rain to sun. I don't get rain or cloudy days up there," you said, floating over to his bed. He was laying back, looking up at the ceiling, so you decided to float right above him. "So, what's this girl's name?" You asked. He blushed. "Asami Anzu," he responded. "Pretty! I bet she's pretty too! Is she pretty? Tell me about her," you rambled, giggling in excitement. He had never had anyone to talk to about anything, and here you were. So, of course he spent the next few hours talking to you about her.

"Aww! I wish someone would talk about me like that!" You said. He was so obviously in love with this girl, and it made your heart melt. He was so pure with his feelings. "Other guys that I've helped usually only want the girl to be childish so they can take care of her. I'm so glad you have genuine affection towards her," you said, sitting on the edge of his bed. He blushed, looking away. "What? Is there something wrong?" You questioned. "U-um, your s-ski- your skirt," he stuttered. You were confused, looking down, seeing it had risen up, and you laughed, smoothing it down. "You're silly. It's just skin," you said, crawling up to him. "Well I- I just... I assumed it was... improper for me to see that," he said. "Oh, you wouldn't survive a day up there... you would constantly be apologizing," you giggled, patting his head. You could feel him relax, and smiled. "You remind me of a dog! You like head pats, and are easily excited," you teased. "A-am not!" He defended, grabbing your hands. You pushed against him, trying to get your hands away. You laughed as he pushed back. It turned into both of you trying to push each other over. The once quiet room was filled with laughter and random bouts of banter.

You finally pushed him over, pining his hands above him. "I win~!" You bragged with a smile. He laughed, letting you celebrate your small victory. You looked down at him. "Is this what Eros talked about?" You questioned out loud to yourself. You weren't completely innocent, and would use minor curse words, or understood certain things, but never really understood it. You knew what it was, it just didn't interest you, or you didn't care about it. "What did she talk about?" He questioned. You stayed the same, looking down at him, keeping his hands in yours. "Well... I think you look pretty where you are," you stated confused. He blushed at your words, finally taking notice of the not - so - innocent position you were in. "You mean like... under you?" He questioned, his wrists squirming to get away from your grip. You let him go, nodding. "That's um... that's nice," he said, looking away. Although you didn't understand his reaction, you blushed at how he phrased it. "See! You're blushing too!" He said. You wanted to tease him? He'd find something to tease you back.

"Suguru, why is there a cupid in your room?"

You turned slowly to the door, noticing an elderly woman standing at the door frame. He stuttered, sitting up. "And moreover, why were you to like... that," she said, gesturing to the two of you.

"He summoned me."

"He did what?!"

"I-i didn't do it on purpose! It was an accident I swear!"

"It was an accident. But I'm stuck here now."

The woman sighed. Then it hit you. "Wait, how can you see me?!" You shouted, floating behind Niragi and grabbing his shoulders. You hid behind him, peeking out slightly. ''I've been around for a while. And I've dealt with cupids before. Say, how's Pragma?" The lady questioned. Your eyes lit up. "You know Pragma?" You questioned. She nodded. "She's doing well," you answered. The lady stayed talking with both of you for a bit longer, before saying she was off.

"Who was that?" You asked. You hadn't asked her who she was, just enjoyed her stories. "My grandmother... I forgot she was going to come over and drop something off while mom was at work, " he answered. You hummed, floating around his room. You heard his bed shift, and the clicking of buttons. "What's that?" You asked, pointing at what he was holding in his hands. "It's a game system. Haven't you... oh. Sky, right," he responded. You sat besides him, watching him expertly click away at the buttons. "You're so good at that!" You complimented after he was done with the level. "Do you want to learn how?"

"Ah! Nonono!" You giggled, seeing as Niragi was passing you. He was still better than you, but you had learned a bit. "Ah, shit!" He cursed, clicking harder at buttons. Another thing you'd noticed about him was when he got  mad at the game, he'd curse a lot. Your character passed the finish line, finishing in first. "Yay! I finally beat you!" You cheered, jumping up and down. "I let you win anyways. I didn't want you to be sad," he joked. "Noooo, I beat you fair and square~!" You chirped, sitting back down. "Did I make you happy again?" "Yeah. You did, (Y/N). You did."

Over the course of the next few weeks, you helped him talk to the girl. Your magic was there to get her interested, and let her fall in love on her own. Not to make her fall in love. Of course, Niragi asked about it.

"Ok, listen here! You need to man up and go talk to her! I did my thing, worked my magic, now all you have to do is talk to her!" You repremanded. "Can't you just make her fall in love with your magic, I don't want to embarrass myself," he muttered. You shook your head. "No! If I do, it can become obsessive and I- I can't let that happen again..." you whispered. "Again?''

"Forget I said that! Go talk to her!"

Usually you floated around, watching her to see her interests and watching over Niragi, making sure to heal him after he mysteriously got hurt. He would never tell you how, and it made you mad, seeing it was the same excuse every time. "I tripped down the stairs, I'm fine," he said. "Mhm. I know your eyesight is bad, but not that bad. You can't expect me to believe all your bullshit can you?" You asked, wiping away the blood. His eyes widened, staring in shock. "What?" You questioned. "You just... you cursed. That's the first time I've heard you swear," he said. You smiled sheepishly. It was a learned behavior from him, hearing him swear at his games, or under his breath. "I-is it ok if I do?" You asked, suddenly worried you'd made him mad. He nodded, "Of course it's ok. I mean, I do it, it would be kinda rude of me to say you can't."

One day, while floating around, listening to the girl, you heard her say something about Niragi. "I mean, don't you think it's weird that he's always by himself? If no one ever talks to him, what's wrong with him?" She said. Her friends nodded. "And next, Sheji told me that all he does is stand as a target when they push him around. Who wants a guy that can't even defend himself?" She added. You huffed. How could she sound like an angel while acting like a devil? This wasn't fair to Niragi, she didn't even know him that well. You floated around her, watching to see if anything would happen. Nothing, as expected. Well, until you touched her. You knew her friends couldn't see you, but now she could. "You're kind of a bitch, you know. You're going to be one of the girls that regrets not dating him when he's older. Did you know Niragi is super smart? Like, top of his class smart. You should get to know people before going off what you think because honestly it's a shitty thing to do, and it doesn't make you pretty at all. I can't believe a guy as cute as him likes you," you spat, defending him. It didn't even cross your mind that calling him cute might be wrong, because in your eyes, it wasn't. Her eyes widened as she stared at you. You were floating, your legs crossed in midair as you held on to your bunny stuffie. "Y-youre floating," she stuttered. You smirked as her friends stared at her like she was crazy. No one else could see you. "Yeah, and? Stop acting so dumb," you insulted. Of course, you wanted Niragi to end up with the girl he liked, but she was too rude. "Anzu, what are you talking about?" One of her friends questioned. "Can't you see her? She's floating, right there!" She exclaimed. You got closer, your eyes gleaming with mischief. "Play nice Anzu. I'm always around to protect those I love," you said, smiling, before skipping away. You heard her talking rapidly about you to her friends, but it was no use because they couldn't see you.

"(Y/N), what happened with Anzu-San? Why did you say those things to her? I thought no one else could see you?" He questioned. "Well first, she's a bitch, and was being rude and talking about you. I said those things cause it was only fair. And It's my special item's magic. I told you Bun-Bun was necessary," you explained, holding onto Niragi's sleeve. He sighed, "Well, now you're stuck with me for a while aren't you?" "Yep. Until you find another person you love that will love you back," you stated. He nodded, not really being as hurt as he thought he would be. In fact, he was relieved. You sensed this, and smiled brightly towards him. "Before you ask, yes, this made me happy. Thank you for helping me, and making sure I'm happy (Y/N)."

That was basically how you got stuck on Earth with him for the next 9 years. He had never found anyone he liked, so you stayed.

"Do you have to work late every day?" You whined. He thought you looked like a kicked puppy all sad and mopey that he had to leave. "I'm sorry?" He questioned, grabbing his keys. "Can I go with you then?" You asked. He sighed, "Only if you promise to not get bored and start bothering me." You nodded excitedly, following him out.

His office was rather messy, not like his room. "Why is your office messy and your room isn't?" You questioned. "I spend countless hours in my office, and like...3-5 hours in my room?" He responded, signing into his computers, looking through a folder on his desk. You pouted, sitting in the corner. You did like the small space, however. You could curl up into a tiny ball, so you did, falling asleep rather quickly

"Niragi? Is it okay if I float around your office and stuff?" You asked a while later after you woke up, being a bit bored. "I told you like... forever ago that you can call me by my first name. You're stuck with me for a while," he said. You shook your head. "It's just... then I would... nevermind," you answered. He chuckled, watching you float around, picking up papers. "You don't have to clean my office for me, you know?" He stated. You nodded, still picking things up. "I'm aware. But, it's for me, not you. If your office is clean, then I don't have to deal with mess when I come with you," you said. "Ok, that's an insult," he joked. He stood up from his chair, walking to one of his shelves, pulling another file down. "It's what I like to call organized chaos. My files may not be in alphabetical order, but I do know where each one is. For example, the left shelf on that wall, second row, 3 files down is the file for a client's idea. The one next to it has to do with the business side of things of that same client," he said, pointing to the shelves while reading through another one. You floated over, going exactly where he said. He was right. "Wowww! You're so smart!" You giggled, putting the folders back exactly as they were. "I'm well aware sweetheart," he sighed.

He walked back to his desk, watching as you floated towards him. Your face was right in front of his, smiling. He really loved that. You'd been with him for the past nine years, of course he'd grown attached to you. There was never anyone he found as attractive as you, but he'd never said anything. One time, he had asked, and you told him that cupids weren't allowed to fall in love, or else they'd die a devine death. So, as selfish as it might have been, he told himself he'd never fall in love, and that he'd keep you with him. You never seemed to mind, seeing as you hadn't had a job in years before him. A small part of you had also grown attached to him. You didn't want to admit it either, but the feelings you got around him were different than the feelings you felt around the other cupids.

You two were broken from your staring contest by the sounds of fireworks outside the window. He was confused, going over to the window, raising the blind. "It's nighttime already? Niragi, is there a celebration today I didn't remember?" You asked holding onto his arm. "No... not that I know of. It was probably some idio-" he started, before the lights turned off. You shrieked, letting go of him, seeing as it was completely dark. Not even the lights from the city of Tokyo shined in through the window.

"Niragi? Where are you? I can't see a damn thing! Niragi?" You called out, your hands groping for something in the dark. "Niragi? Hey, this isn't funny! Niragi! Suguru, please answer I don't like the dark!" You cried, desperate to find him, even if it meant using his first name. Gods how you hated the dark. It reminded you of your past. Having to be locked up in the darkest part of the dungeons, no light as random noises echoed through the halls. The rats and bugs crawling on you. You hated it so much. "Suguru! W-where are you!" You called out once more. You heard the door open, and a light flash through.

"Hey, sorry, I left to go find a flashlight. I didn't see anyone in the building though. Whole city is blacked out though," he said. You rushed over to him, hugging him tightly. "D-dont leave me alone in the dark again! You stupid jerk!" You whimpered against him, your hand gripping onto his shirt tightly. He cursed himself, remembering you didn't like the dark. A fitting fear, considering what you were. "I'm sorry, it slipped my mind. Let's go see if we can find anyone, or any clues as to what's happening."

That turned into finding the beach. Of course, after multiple games, you were more than happy he was finally somewhere safe. After so much, you were happy he was ok.

You lay in his bed, waiting for him to come back. "I wonder... no one's ever... none of the cupids have tried falling in love... so... how do we know we can't do that?" You questioned out loud, holding the sleeves of his shirt. You liked wearing it, seeing as it had a pretty pattern. Most of the times you'd switch the color though. Instead, you'd always make the intersecting lines pink while the rest stayed black, or vice versa. That, or you'd make it black and red. It was fun.

"I'm back, and alive surprisingly," you heard a vouch snap you out of your thoughts. You sat up, tripping out of bed to say hello. "I'm so glad you're ok! I was worried you know," you said, checking him over for any wounds he might have recieved. There was none. "Diamonds game?" You questioned. He nodded, laying back on his bed. You crawled besides him, slapping the side of his face. "Ow! What the hell was that for!?" He yelled, looking at you like you just murdered his family. You smiled sweetly, "That was for what you said to that girl yesterday. We respect women you asshat." He rubbed his face, a red mark appearing where you hit him. He looked down, nodding. "That was a solid slap though," he whispered. "I'm not hugging you till you apologize to that girl," you said. He nodded, walking off. He didn't know why he listened to you. Frankly, he could do whatever he wanted to, but somehow the thought of you not holding him again mad him sick.

When he came back after a while, you smiled. "Good job!" You praised. He lay next to you, as you curled up besides him. "Hey... (Y/N)... have you ever wanted to date one of the people you've been helping?" He asked, looking away. You blushed, looking away. "Maybe... why?" You answered. "Because... isn't it dumb that the gods can date and fuck around with humans, but you can't?" He said. You thought for a second before nodding. "Then do you want to be the first to test out your mortality?" He questioned, turning to you. Your eyes widened with fear. This was something that you thought about, of course, but never had the guts to do. "B-but what if it's true? Then I die forever!" You exclaimed, hiding under the blankets.

"(Y/N), who in the heavens told you that?" A voice asked. You recognized that voice. It was the voice of Venus. You quickly took the blanket off your head, kneeling down to her on the bed. Niragi stared between the two of you, not sure what to do. You smiled at Venus quickly, before pushing him down besides you. "L-lady Venus. It's an honor to see you again," you said. "Silly girl. You don't have to bow to me. Now, back to what I was saying. Who told you ladies that?" She asked again, fixing her hair. "Z-zues did my lady," you answered. She tutted, "That Zues. Always messing with my cupids. It is allowed, but you have two options. Either you become a mortal being with him, or he become an immortal being with you. Your choice," she said, giving you a smile. You glanced over at Niragi. He still had these games to complete. You could have him forever. And you'd never have to worry about him finding someone and you having to leave. He leaned into you, whispering in your ear, "Do what makes you happy. Not me. You've always helped me, pick yourself for once."

It was so uncharacteristically sweet of him to say something like that. In the borderlands, at least. "Wanna have him forever and ever and ever!" You giggled childishly, throwing your arms around his neck. Venus laughed, "Oh my sweet child. I'll do so after you leave this place. My magic isn't working here, it was a struggle to see you. So live. Live for as long as you can," were her final words before leaving, rose petals left behind. You laughed, holding his face in your hands, your forehead resting on his.

"Did I make you happy?"

"You always do (Y/N), you always do."

Ok, that took a while. Especially when I wanted to get the Last Boss chapter done before Niragi's, but I finished this one first, so this one is getting published first. I was writing both at the same time, and this one just got done faster

And I forgot to this last night, I'm so sorry!

Tag list

@brainwashedkittenstuff

@celestiacq

Ok, we're good now

[greenv]

We're the same PT.ll | Peter Parker x Stark!Fem!Reader

Summary: You are used to having Peter in your world all the time, he was in the base with you more than at his own home, it was time for you to spend time in his world.

Warnings: None? A small sexual reference or joke? Idk...

Word count: 3,5 k

Notes: (Y/R/L/N) \ Your real last name.

A/N: I just want to thank you guys for all the love "We're the same" received! For real! Thank you! Here's part two, I hope you guys like it as well!

[Part 1]

_______________________

You and Peter were getting back from one of your night patrols, it was something that the two of you always did and it was part of your routine now, you loved fighting crime beside him, and he loved being able to fight by your side as well, the both of you made such a perfect team that even your dad, Tony Stark was proud.

"So… I was thinking" Peter takes off his mask giving you a look, you look at him waiting for him to keep talking "You know, how I always spend time on the avengers place? I was thinking that maybe you would like to… I don't know… Spend some time at my place? Maybe?" Peter smiles awkwardly, you remove your marks looking at him with a smile.

"You got all shy all of a sudden" You put your arms around his neck, giving him a little kiss on the lips.

"Not with you, I mean, no, I just… Do you think that it's time to introduce you to my friends?" Peter sighs.

"Wow…" You look at him with surprise "You have friends?!" Peter looks at you offended, you start laughing and he can't help but laugh as well with you "I'd love to meet them, if that's what you want Pete… I'll do it" Peter looks at your face trying to memorize your features, but to be honest, he already knows your entire face and body by memory, he just loves admiring your beauty.

"That will mean a lot to me, thank you" Peter closes his eyes giving you a sweet kiss.

"Well… in that case, just tell me when and I'll be there" You smile.

"How about tomorrow? You can go to my school and you can spend a day in my world" Peter suggested, you frown, that wasn't what you had in mind when he told you he wanted you to meet his friends.

"At your school?!" You ask, surprised.

"Yeah, is that… a bad idea?".

"Well, why not after school? We can go eat something or maybe… Why?" You put your hands on your hips, you can't help but laugh. "Don't you nerds go out?".

"Ouch…" Peter smiles "Well, remember I told you I'm going to the academy decathlon? I need to start staying after school to study and between classes as well from time to time, and besides… I could really use your company" Peter grabs your hands swinging both your bodies, you only shake your head. 

"Alright fine, I'll go to school with you tomorrow, but I'm not taking the bus, I'll go swinging" You wink at him.

"Uh, no, you need to take the bus with me, so you can pass as one of the students" Peter winks back.

"Ugh! Is it really that necessary?!" Peter hugs you, hiding his face in the crack  of your neck.

"For me… pleeeeeease?" Peter whispers against your skin.

"Okay… See you tomorrow then" You put on your mask getting ready to go back to the chaotic place you call home.

"Love you!" Peter screams, smiling and feeling the luckiest man alive, once he lost the sight of you, he climbs the wall and opens his window to get into his room, tomorrow was the big day, he'd  been waiting for so long to introduce you to Ned and MJ, he was sure you were gonna love them.

[°°°]

"Wake up Parker!" You open his window, getting inside his room, Peter was getting changed after his usual morning shower, he looked back at you smiling.

"Good morning baby" He blows a kiss at you from afar, you sit on his bed taking a good look at his room, you've been there plenty of times, but today felt different, you felt a bit nervous and you didn't know why.

"When are we leaving?" You ask, impatiently.

"Well, you're a bit early baby girl, the bus will be here in thirty minutes" Peter puts on his shirt and sits beside you on his bed.

"You're not taking the suit?" You lift his shirt a bit, looking at his bare skin, Peter smiles and shakes his head.

"I want this to be a normal day for the both of us, just you, me, school, friends, a normal teenagers romance… No super heroes, no super powers, no fighting the bad guys, just for today" Peter grabs your hand.

"Pete… Baby… I am the daughter of Tony Stark, even before I got my powers, the words 'have a normal day weren’t part of my vocabulary" You fake a smile and Peter chuckles, biting his lip.

"Are you wearing your suit?".

"No, it's in my backpack, just in case you know…" Peter grabs your backpack, he opens it taking out the suit, throwing it into his closet. "Pete…" you look at your boyfriend with sadness "I'm already going to school with you let me take the suit, you never know!".

"Y/N, nothing will happen today, and I promise that after school we'll come back here and we'll go back to being Mr and Mrs Spider-Man" Peter jokes, you smile with sadness nodding, after all you promised him a normal day.

"Peter I seriously can't believe I'm the one who's asking to keep the suit and not the other way around".

"Honey we'll be okay!". "Fine… But if something does happen, I'm calling dad". "That won't be necessary". "We'll see". "We won't".

After a quick breakfast with Aunt May, you and Peter went down to the bus stop and waited for your ride to his school, you were used to Happy driving you to your private school where your dad had you at, you always wondered what it would be like to go on a bus like Peter did all the time, not wear a uniform, this could be a good day, maybe you can convince Tony to let you change school.

"So, we met at the Stark Internship… right?" You look at Peter trying to memorize the fake story on how you two met.

"Exactly, let's not mention that we both have super powers" Peter smiles.

"I thought your friend Ned knew?".

"Well, yeah, he's the only one, but the story is for the rest of them" Peter takes your hand.

"Okay… my last name is… (Y/R/L/N)?" You sigh "I'm ready!".

As the bus arrives, Peter manages to sneak you in without the bus driver noticing, but you didn't feel worried, it was an old man and he could barely see.

"There's Ned, my best friend" Peter points at a guy in the middle of the bus, you nod, just following Peter.

"Hey bro!" Ned smiles at Peter, you see them make a kind of secret handshake, you smile at the sight of such a cute act.

"Ned, this is Y/N… The Y/N" Peter says nervously, Ned looks at you and he opens his mouth with surprise.

"You're Peter's girlfriend?!" Ned asks.

"Yup… Nice to finally meet you, Peter talks a lot about you" You shake Ned's hand.

"He talks about me?! Ha! He talks about you a lot as well, you're like the main topic of our conversations" Ned chuckles, Peter hits Ned's arm giving him a warning.

"I'm flattered, I hope he only says good things" You look at Peter, taking a seat next to Ned.

"You're not sitting with me?" Peter chuckles.

"Nah, Ned's better company" You wink an eye at Peter, he takes a seat in front of the both of you.

"So… Are you really Tony Stark's daughter?" Ned asks.

"I don't know what you're talking about, we met at Stark industries… I have an internship as well" you smile.

"Baby, remember he knows" Peter chuckles.

"Oh… yeah, sorry" You smile shyly at Ned "So you know about Spidey?" You whisper at Ned.

"About Spidey one and two" Ned smiles and you smile at him.

"Well I'm glad I don't have to pretend in front of someone".

The bus makes another stop and a bunch of students get inside of the bus, you see Peter shake his hand in the air with a smile, you look over to see a pretty girl, messy hair and a 'kill me' kind of face, you knew that was MJ, Peter always says that she has a funeral face.

"Sup losers" MJ sits beside Peter. She looks at you and you give her a small smile.

"Hey" you say, MJ looks at Ned and then at you.

"Who is she?".

"She's my girlfriend" Peter spoke, MJ looks at Peter with an extremely surprised look, but her face goes back to her neutral expression right away.

"So, you're that Y/N?" MJ looks at you.

"Yes, you must be MJ" You offer her your hand to shake, but instead she gives an awkward high-five.

"Are you sure you're dating this ass? He's not paying you to fake a relationship?" MJ looks at you trying to study your expressions, you only chuckle shaking your head.

"Hey! I can get a girlfriend!" Peter says offended.

"Yeah boy… but not like her, she's waaaaay out of your league" MJ huff taking out her book, Peter looks at you and you give him a little wink.

Once the four of you arrived at school, no one was paying attention to you, which you liked, normally, at your other school you were treating with a bit of privilege just because of your last name, and here, it was all different, maybe because no one really knew your real last name, or maybe because you were with the nerds, but you liked it, being invisible for once.

"Let's go to class then" Peter grabs your hand.

"What class do we have first?" You smile.

"Wait… you're attending this school now!?" Ned exclaims.

"Yes, for today" You smile shyly.

"Cool… Are we going to say that she's an exchange student from another country or...?" Ned looks at Peter.

"No, she just transferred schools that's it" Peter smiles.

"I can make an accent" you look at both boys.

"I wanna hear" Ned smiles.

"Please no" Peter puts his hands over his ears, as you start speaking with a heavy (very bad) french accent, making Ned laugh, even MJ gave you a small chuckle.

"Can she please keep the accent?!" Ned looks at Peter.

"No! Please no!" Peter grabs your hand pulling you to class.

The teacher was already there so you had to go through the entire 'hi I'm blablablaba the new kid' kind of thing.

"Y/N, tell us a bit about you" the teacher looks at you. You felt everyone's eyes over you, you looked at Peter who was sitting in his place, saving a chair beside him for you.

"I'm dating Spider-Man" you said seriously, you could hear Peter choke in the back of the class, everyone was quiet, but then everyone started laughing and Peter felt his soul go back to his body.

"Yeah, I'm dating Spider-Man as well" another girl jokes.

"Okay Y/N go take a seat" the teacher smiles. You nod walking towards Peter, you look at the girl who made a joke as well, you lean close and whisper.

"You're not his type sweetie" You wink and eye to her and she rolls her eyes at you. 

You sit beside Peter taking out a notebook and a pen out of your backpack.

"Hey sweetie… Don't sit with Parker, come sit with us" you look up from your notebook to see a boy wearing a Polo shirt, you knew, by fact that he was Flash, the annoying son of a… Who made Peter's life a living hell in school.

"No thanks, I'm good here" You fake a smile.

"Come on, I don't bite, unless you want me to" Flash winks at you and his friends start laughing.

"Just ignore him," Peter whispers, taking your hand.

"Permission to break his jaw" you whisper with anger.

"As much as I'd love to see that, permission not granted… It's okay, he's like that, you'll get used to him" Peter chuckles.

"Okay, but if he says something offensive to you, I won't hesitate".

"I love when you get all overprotective of me" Peter whispers in your ear leaving a small kiss on your cheek.

"Well, you know that someone has your back Parker" You bite your lip, trying not to kiss him so you both don't get detention.

As class goes by, you actually pay a lot of attention to it, making a bet with Peter on who could answer more questions than the other, the loser will go patrolling alone, but the both of you know that's an impossible thing. 

You and Peter go to the next class, woodshop. 

As you and Peter arrive, Ned is already there, working on something, Peter grabs your hand and you look at him with a smile.

"Remember when you first got your powers? I made your web shooters here" Peter smiles, you could see how proud he was of his work.

"I can remember that day as if it was yesterday… And I can also remember your face when you showed me the web shooters for the first time" You caress his cheek with love, Peter feels electricity in his body, he shakes a bit and smiles, you really had an effect on him.

The two of you made your way to Ned, you see him working on some type of mechanic arm, he seemed to be having a bit of a problem there, you look at Peter wondering if he's going to help his friend, but no, Peter only sits beside him, working on his own project.

"Need a hand Ned?" You smile, sitting in front of him. Ned and Peter look at you.

"Uh… I don't really want to bother, I can't seem to make this work, I don't know why" Ned shows you the mechanic hand, you grab it taking a good look. 

Grabbing a bunch of tools on the table, you quickly manage to fix it and the mechanic like hand starts moving.

"Wow… where did you learn that?" Peter looks at you with a bright smile.

"Yeah, that took you like five seconds!" Ned grabs the hand admiring your work.

"Well, I'm Tony Stark's daughter, I know how to repair his suits as well" Your chest sticks out and you look at Peter feeling proud, you were glad that there was something Peter Parker didn't know about you.

"You keep surprising me babe" Peter smiles and winks at you.

"Not in front of me guys, please…" Ned rolls his eyes and goes back to working on his hand, you and Peter chuckle.

"So… You really are spending your day with the nerds huh?" Someone speaks behind you, you take your eyes off of Peter's project to look behind you. 

Flash was there, he was holding his phone typing something, he looked at you smiling.

"I knew I've seen that pretty face before…" Flash has a cocky smile in his face, he then turns his phone to you "Tony Stark donates one million dollars to charity, and beside him, the women that inspire him to do good day by day… His wife, Pepper Potts, and his daughter, Y/N Stark…" Flash finishes reading the news, you really started to hate that guy. 

Peter looks at Flash with anger, all he wanted to do was have a normal day with you in school, show you that you could be happy in a normal kind of way, but of course Flash was so obsessed with him that he had to ruin everything. 

Peter stands up from his chair ready to fight Flash, but your words stop him.

"So…? Should I give you a golden star?" You ask Flash, with the same cocky smile now "Should I clap for you? Let me do it…" You start clapping in his face "You're so intelligent, you found out who I am!".

Peter looks at you and then at Flash, feeling proud as hell, Flash looked intimidated by you, and Peter was enjoying the show.

"I-" Flash opens his mouth but you interrupt him.

"So what's your point… Flash, right?" You cross your arms.

"Just tell us all the truth! You're not dating Penis Parker! You're here to donate money to school or something!" Flash smiles back at you.

The smile on your face is replaced with pure anger, your eyes darkening as you look at Flash, you could hear him swallow saliva.

"You did not just  say that" Peter whispers with a smile, he goes back to his  seat he was tired of letting Flash get away with all the shit he does, and of course he couldn't punch him cause it was obvious who would win, he was trying to be fair. But today, today it was different, and he was glad his queen was here.

Flash looks at Peter and then back at you, knowing that he made a huge mistake on calling Peter that in front of you.

"What's your point?" You speak with anger.

"Just tell us you're not dating Parker, he has nothing to offer! Instead go out with me! I have money, cars… I can take you wherever you want" You put your arm around  Flash's shoulders squishing hard, he starts to feel pain but he holds it in, trying to look tough you made him face Peter, your boyfriend looking at the both of you delighted.

"You looking at that man right there?" You point at Peter "He gon' get it when we get home, he will keep me up all night… He is much more than you'll ever be!" You squish  Flash's shoulders even more, but not enough to leave  bruises the next day. "You say you have money? Cool, he has an immense heart, amazing jokes... you have a car? Cool… He has something better I prefer to ride" You wink at Peter and you see him blush, he was red at this point "Flash, you wish you could be like Peter Benjamin Parker, now, do me a favor and leave me and my boyfriend alone" you push Flash away from you, sitting back with Peter and Ned, you turn around one last time look at him "Leave your obsession with Peter behind, we all know you're not his type" You wink and eye to Flash.

Flash basically leaves running, when he does, Ned and Peter explode in laughter, you look at the both of them with a smile.

"Damn! That was amazing! About damn time someone said something to Flash" Ned cleans his fake tears.

"You didn't  have to  say anything to him Y/N" Peter smiles.

"You're right, we don't need to prove anything to that loser, but I got angry! He's an asshole and the thought of you having to deal with this dumbass all the time makes my blood boil!" You take a deep breath trying to calm down "Also, I wanted him to know how good you are at what you do" you wink and eye to Peter, your boyfriend opens his eyes wide and looks at Ned, who is pretending to mind his own business with his mechanic arm.

"Y/N… Don't speak like that" Peter whispers, he was a blushy mess, he looked adorable. 

"Oh Peter, you should feel proud of yourself…" You stand up looking around "I'm bored, I'm gonna build something" You smile and you start walking around the classroom looking for pieces for a project.

Back at the table, Ned turns his head to look at you and then he looks at Peter.

"Man… I don't know what you did to get a girl like her, but you're one lucky moth-" Peter covers his mouth, blushing.

"Okay Ned, she's too hot for me I get it…" Peter looks at you smiling "When she's with me all boys hate me". 

And he was right, and he just proved that with Flash trying to steal you from him, the way you talked to Flash, the way you defend Peter, it made him feel some kind of way, he wasn't used to having you do that, but he was proud of it.

[°°°]

The bell rings letting all the students know that the day is over, you stand up from your chair looking at Peter, waiting for instructions.

"Okay, let's go home" Peter smiles taking your hand.

"Home?" You look at him confused "don't you need to study with your decathlon team?".

"Yeah I do but…" He leans closer to you and whispers in your ear. "You said I was gonna get it when we get home so… Let's keep you up all night" He gives you a soft kiss on the lips.

"Peter Parker… I-" you try to make a joke but you just can't, he caught you off guard "Oh boy… Let's go! You have work to do!" You smile and clap happily making Peter laugh out loud, catching everyone's attention, but he didn't care. 

He was planning on having a nice evening with you and his friends, but that could wait, you can see his friends any other day.

[kiegosbby]

hawks x f!reader

chapter 6, I’m so sorry.

word count: 971

warnings: angst.

✁- - - - - - r- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You woke up to hear your phone ringing. you groaned loudly and looked for your phone, after finding it under your pillow you looked to see what it was.

Incoming call from: Birdy ❤️🐔

You quickly answered, hoping his voice would calm you down after being rudely awaken. He always seemed to lighten your mood.

"Hello?" You questioned with a hint of anger in your voice

"good morning baby bird! It's wakey wakey time you got a big day ahead of you"

"Like what?" You said confused then remembered. "Oh shi-"

"Don't worry, you just woke up your little bird brain is probably a little foggy."

"Shut up your the bird brain. I'm a angel not a fucking bird you nugget."

"A little feisty are we this morning huh kid?"

"Well I was rudely awaken"

"Oohhh sorry about that. Not really. Anyways get up you got to sign those papers I want to start patrol together tomorrow! Also I might have forgot to mention that is being a duo means that we get to share a office" you heard the smile in his voice. It made you mad. How could someone be this happy this early.

" oh god how am I gonna put up with you." You sighed loudly "I'll get up and get ready. Are we still on for the ice cream?"

"Oh you mean a dinner date then ice cream? Of course baby bird i wouldn't miss it for a thing"

"Just let me know where we're going ok?"

"Oh no that would be no fun. I'll pick you up, It'll be a surprise. Just wear a nice dress, and I'll wear a nice suit 6 and I'll pick you up outside your apartment. I just need the address"

you blushed at the thought of him in a suit.

"O-okay- wait is this a excuse for you to get my address?"

"Maybe.."

You laughed softly "you brighten my day Birdy" you were smiling now, which really didn't happen without him.

"I know I'm just that amazing. I'll see you later ok baby bird?"

"Okay Birdy"

After you heard the call ending sound you got up and got ready for the day. You had to go and sign the papers to be hawks duo, and arrange for your stuff to be sent to his office since it was- obviously bigger.

You walked into your kitchen and made yourself some breakfast. Nothing to much, just some oatmeal. You sat down at your couch bathing in the sunlight that came in from your balcony. You turned the tv on and ate in peace.

When you finished you got your bag and went to your balcony, spreading your wings to go to your agency.

Once you arrived you went straight to your office, delighted to see aizawa there. "Good morning aizawa! How was your night. I slept amazing and I'm having the best day of my life."

"Wow exaggerate much? I slept fine. Came in early to catch up on paper work. It's a ok day."

"Your always so grumpy aizawa. Have you ever had a good day?"

"I don't think so and I don't intend to."

"Ok then. Let's change the subject. I'm ready to sign the papers!"

"Oh you finally decided huh?"

"Yep I think it would be a great thing to do! We both fit each other very well and I think we can do some great things together" you said with a bright smile.

"Good choice. I was hoping you'd pick that. I'll your assistant move your stuff to his office ok?"

"Sounds good to me. You sure you can hold the Fort up while I'm gone?"

"I know damn well I'll be able to"

"I'm gonna miss you a lot. Don't worry I'll stop by to say hello and all that. You can't get rid of me that easily"

"When I thought I was free. I'll see you later y/n be safe."

"Bye bye aizawa"

with that you took off it wasn't that late but you wanted to go and get ready for your date. You were so excited and you've only been on a couple dates.

You didn't have any dresses, as your work consumed your life. So you'd go shopping, buy a pretty dress and make sure you looked good.

As you were shopping you came across a tight, black dress,. It was short and perfect. When you tried it on you knew it was perfect. It fit you perfectly and you loved it so much.

You bought the dress and went home to get ready.

(Dress if you want to see)

Sorry if it's not your type :(

As you entered your home it was 4 which gave you the right amount of time to get ready

You straightened your hair/fixed your curls. You wanted to look perfect so maybe he'd fall for you. (Ugly hoe)(JKLMAOSODBJS)

You didn't wear makeup, you didn't need it you were perfect the way you are. (I take it back guys your not ugly ❤️)

You had told hawks your address and it was almost 6, so you went outside to wait for him. Scrolling through your phone.

You waited and waited, maybe it was just your nerves making the time go by slow? You looked at the time. Nope. It was now 7 and he said 6. You had sent him a couple text asking if he was busy, which he of course, left on seen. 'wow y/n did you really think that he'd take you on a date? Pathetic. Go inside and do what you do best. Be alone.'

You walked back into your apartment. Your day ruined. Tears running down your face, wishing you could go back and say no to his offer. You sat on your couch and cried yourself to sleep.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy

Word count: 4.1K

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse, explicit sexual content

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I excitedly jump up and down, seeing the mass of hair stepping into the hotel lobby.

Stevie’s the first one in and I’m nearly tackling him, hugging him tightly because of how much I’ve missed him.

He’s tightly hanging on to me, letting out a happy sigh before pulling away to look at me.

“You look good, babe. Tired, but good.” He assures me, pinching at the tip of my nose and I smile, kissing his cheek for a second before I’m hugging at Slash as he smiles and says, “hey, Viv.”

I look at Izzy when I pull away from Slash, and he looks me up and down once.

“Viv.” He says to me in greeting.

“Izzy.” I reply.

I’m even excited to see Axl, and he tenses up a little when I hug him, but relaxes and asks, “are you dying or something?” in reference to me hugging him.

“I love you, and I’ve missed you, and I’m being driven insane and being that you’re already batshit, I know you can sympathize.” I tell him.

“Ha. Ha.” He sarcastically lets out but doesn’t go to pull away until I’m good and ready. “Oh, by the way, I’m telling folks in L.A. we’re siblings.”

“Why?” I raise a brow, pulling away.

“So you can also be known as ‘Axl Rose’s sister’ when I get rich and famous.” He grins. “‘Nikki Sixx’s wife’ is losing it’s oomf, ya know?”

“Especially once the D-I-V-O-R-C-E is filed.” I add.

“Exactly. So, I’m making sure you’ll still have a name to drop to help you get stuff for free.”

“Gee, thanks.” I nod, my eyes shifting to Duff.

He’s got the smallest hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Hey.” I say to him.

“Hi.” He replies.

“Alright.” Doc’s starting, stepping from the elevator to greet the guys. “Doc McGhee, pleasure to meet you guys, we have a show tonight so you’ve got,” He looks at his watch. “Two hours to get settled in, rest, bend a chick over, whatever. The bus is leaving here at 7:00pm, and no later than that. Got it?” He asks and they all nod. “Okay, here are the itineraries--the guys usually don’t pay these any mind, they just go when we tell them to, but in case you needed it, there it is.” Pieces of paper with the tour schedule on it is handed to them and Stevie smiles widely, nodding his head, showing his excitement for the next month ahead. “I’m going to get a shower, if you have any questions, either ask Viv or ask Fred Saunders, our head of security--Viv knows his number. Here are your room keys, I’ve already got you guys checked in. See you tonight.” He finishes, not giving them the chance to even reply before he’s gone.

“He seems…” Axl starts and I look at him.

“He is.” I reply. “Alright, let’s get you guys settled in.”

Doc got them joined rooms, so Duff’s room was connected to Axl’s, who was connected to Izzy, who was connected to Slash, who was connected to Stevie. At first I thought it was a good idea...

“Was your flight okay?” I ask Duff when we get to his room after helping the guys with their luggage, his hotel room door shutting before he sits his suitcase down by the door before looking around the room.

“Dude, this is nice.” He mumbles, letting out a small sigh as I step to the bathroom, cracking the door.

“Duff?”

“Yeah?” He asks, probably still in awe of the room.

I pull my shorts off, revealing the red, lacy, fabric, before pulling my shirt over my head and look at myself in the mirror.

“Your flight?” I remind him.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He tells me. “It was okay. Izzy had an anti anxiety pill so that helped.” 

"Oh." I reply, hearing him sit on the bed and I take my cross off my neck, pulling my hair to one shoulder. "The guys are really excited to see you guys.” I try to start a conversation.

“Is that why they met us in the lobby?” He sarcastically says and I raise a brow.

“They’re still passed out from last night.” I inform him. “So is Tansy.”

“Is she healed up pretty good now?”

“Yeah, she hates her scar but she’s alright.” I add, rubbing my lips together. 

"What are you doing?" I mouth to myself, taking a few heavy breaths before closing my eyes to calm down. 

"Well, a scar on her stomach isn't anything to freak out about. Which I know she's a mod…" he trails off when I step out and lean against the bathroom door frame, his eyes scanning up my body, taking their precious time examining the "D" on my hip bone that's visible through the red-tinted see-through panties.

He seems like his mouth is dry and I smirk, my hips slowly swaying with each step before I reach the foot of the bed and crawl on, causing him to pull himself backwards until he's against the headboard, squeezing his eyes closed.

"Viv." He starts, holding down a moan when I throw my long leg over his hip and straddle him.

"Yes?"

"W-We're right next to Axl, and you're not the quietest, and--oh, shit." He groans as my tongue licks up his neck. 

"Mhmm." I egg him on, pressing a kiss under his ear as his hands go to my waist. 

"You're not very quiet and I don't want him to find out about us." He chokes out, my hands sliding under his shirt to feel at his warm skin before my lips press to his for a moment. 

"But I can't be loud with your cock down my throat." I suggest, grinding the junction of my thighs into the bulge in his pants and he lets out a weak noise.

"Vivian, we can't--" he's cut off by my lips meeting his again, our tongues running against each other, causing him to sigh out.

When we pull away he looks like he's about to break his argument. 

"Please, baby?" I beg. "If I'm too loud you can just turn me over and press my mouth to the mattress. Or choke me." I add and he raises his brows. 

"I can--what?" 

"Besides, I only get loud when I take all of it." I softly let out, grinding against him again.

"Y-You take all of it?" He stutters out, eyes wide. 

"Mhmm, don't you remember? When you pulled me on top and got as deep as you could, and I told you to go deeper, and I took every fucking inch that I you thought wouldn't fit?" I remind him sultrily and he looks like he's about to pass out from holding back.

"That didn't hurt?" He asks me, trying to stay strong as I kiss at his jaw. 

"Kind of, but that's what made me come so fucking hard." I inform him and he clenches his jaw. "Remember what that felt like for me to come all over your--"

"--Vivian, I'm about to have a heart attack." He tells me as if begging for mercy but I'm soaked through my panties and just want to be fucked into oblivion at this point. 

"You haven't missed it?" I whisper, my teeth nipping at this neck. "All hot and wet…" I keep going, taking his hand and moving it to cup at my soaked sex through my panties and he curses under his breath. "I know you've missed cumming in it." I bite at my lip. 

"Holy fuckin--oh my god." He nearly groans when I take my bra off, my hands running over my breasts, rolling my nipples.

"I've always thought you'd want to do it again when you got here." I say, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips briefly, not fingers lacing through his hair as I add: "I've been fucking myself every night since it first happened, picturing you inside me while I come over and over again, getting the bedsheets all wet…"

His eyes roll in the back of his head as I reach in his pants and slowly move my hand up and down his long shaft, my mouth watering.

"Vivian, you're gonna make me die." He says, running his hand down his face as I take a swipe of his precum and lick it off my finger, making him look completely entranced. "You didn't tell me you were like this or I would have--fuck…" he can't speak when I pull him out of his zipper and spit down on him, using it as lube to continue jacking him off. 

"You would have what?" I ask him innocently, taking my panties off. 

"You can't be too loud." He tries to tell me. 

"I won't." I assure him. 

"Promise?"

"Promise." 

He holds his pinky out and I pull his shirt over his head, giggling as he gets his long, blonde hair out of his face, and holds his pinky back up. 

"Pinky promise? Because if we get caught, I don't want you getting in trouble." He tells me. 

"Pinky promise." I agree, wrapping my pinky with his. 

He goes to kiss me, but the walkie-talkie I left on the bathroom counter goes off, and sounds like Fred says, "six and a half."

"I gotta get that." I tell Duff. 

"You've been talking mad shit over here and then run when I'm ready?" He aggravates me and I give him a quick kiss before crawling to the foot of the bed. "Okay, you can't do that." He tells me, lunging over me, his chest against my back as I fall to the mattress, laughing, his lips kissing to my shoulder blades. "I know what position we're trying toni--"

Axl's door suddenly swings open--which I could have sworn we had locked--to reveal Axl, Steven, Slash and Izzy.

Their eyes are bugged with shock at the sight of us naked, in a compromising position.

"Welp, you bastards owe me forty-five bucks, each." Izzy states to the guys, seeming to be the only one not surprised, as Fred's still over the walkie-talkie, calling for me. 

It was so fucking weird. Axl had a melt down like Duff suspected, and then everyone had to act like they didn't know a damn thing and me and Duff had to act like there wasn't a damn thing to be known.

I hold tight to my crucifix as Nikki, Tommy, Vince and Mick talk with Axl, Stevie, Slash, Izzy and Duff before they're due to go on stage. 

"Hey, after the show you guys wanna see what we can get in to down here?" Tommy invites them. 

"Hell yeah." Stevie's the first one to say. 

"Sounds fine to me." Slash adds. 

Tommy and Nikki wait for Duff to reply, and he smiles at their offer but shakes his head a little. 

"I got things I gotta do." He tells them. "But thanks, though." 

"Of course you've got things to do." Tommy states. "All the pussy you guys are gonna pull in tonight." He explains with a proud smile and I cringe slightly as Axl looks at me. 

"Yeah. All that pussy." He repeats, smugly. 

"Guys, c'mon." Doc motions to them. "You're up." 

"You guys are gonna kill it." Vince encourages them.

"You got this." Tommy adds.

"Don't puke!" Nikki calls to them and I look at him. 

"That was lovely, Sixx." Mick mumbles. 

"What, it was serious advice." He argues. 

I don't say a word, deciding to keep my mouth shut being this is one of the few times we're not screaming at each other.

Halfway through the set, Axl says something that catches Nikki's attention, in particular. 

"I'd like to dedicate this next song to someone very special in my life, who's like the absolute she-devil in disguise." He says to the crowd. "She's the type to kick you in the fucking balls and then ask why you're on the ground, but she kicks anybody else's ass who kicks you in the balls so that makes her a friend to me." He adds, grinning when the fans laugh a little. "Goes out to the hottest chick to be on the cover of Playboy, Mrs. Sixx, Vivian, it's called 'You're Crazy'." 

I see Nikki's jaw rolling, but I can't tell if it's because Axl brought up Playboy, or called me crazy...he'd probably be even more pissed if I told him Axl actually wrote the song with me in mind. 

As Mötley gets ready to take over, Nikki's tugging at my crucifix, pulling it off. 

"What the hell, Nikki?!" I bark at him viciously, but calm down when I see he's just putting it around his own neck. 

"It's a new leg of the tour, Vivian, it's a fucking good luck charm. Chill your fucking tits." 

I don't argue, finding it kind of nice he still wants to wear it, even after everything that's happened between us. 

I should buy him his own as a divorce present. 

Once Guns is off stage, Tansy’s carrying on about Sparkie--who’s apparently got the “flu”, but I know that excuse all too well.

“Last night he just…” She says defeatedly and the guys chug from their water bottles as she tries to speak carefully, that familiar smack slur in her speech. “...He was like, obsessing over that fucking Playboy issue with you in it.” She informs me. “Then fucked up and said ‘Viv’ while I was giving him a blowjob.”

Axl rolls his eyes at the mention of her giving another man a blowjob and I hold back my smug smile at his expression, but he doesn’t say a word. He just continues to be obsessed with her in private and Izzy mumbles about getting something to eat before leaving.

“I woke up to you screaming, ‘she’s not even doing it right’.” I tell her, being that my room is next door to theirs at the hotel. “Is that because I’m not completely showing everything off, or…?”

“I just don’t like my boyfriend lusting after my best friend..” Tansy calmly explains.

“Well, it’s not my fault your slimy boyfriend can’t control himself.” I state, Stevie stepping out of the room to go with Izzy, I’m assuming.

"I'm not arguing, Viv, alright?" Tansy tries to end it here, but I refuse to let her. 

"No, no, you've had plenty to say to Sparkie about it so go ahead and get it all out of your system, Tans." I insist. 

"We’ve got different opinions on it, Viv, and I don’t--”

“--Because you just think I’m trying to compete against you.” I say sharply to her..

“No, in order for you to ‘compete’, you’d have to do what I do, as good as I do it, and you didn’t.”

“Oh, I think I did or else you wouldn’t be as upset over it as you are." I hiss back. 

"Seriously, can you not get into this right now?" Axl asks us, the guys awkwardly keeping their mouths shut, and me and Tansy ignore him. 

"No, Vivian, you're not competing with me, because there's no competition, because this is what I've been doing for a living the past six years. I'm sorry if you regret starting a life with Nikki because you never got to finish school and have your own identity and your own thing going for you--"

"--You think I regret starting my own life?" I ask her in disbelief.

"I think you regret not going to school and being a dancer like you'd planned, because all of us are living the dream we've had since we were kids, except for you, so you feel left behind." She clarifies. 

"Who the hell said I'm left behind? I'm still with you guys, I'm still here." I argue. 

"Yeah, as 'Nikki Sixx's wife' and 'Tansy Lyn's Friend', and that's why you posed because at least your actual name--you as an individual--would finally be on a fucking magazine, the only problem is you don't think it was worth it, now." 

"Girls--" I put my hand up, causing Slash to stop before he starts, and he shakes his head and lets out a breath. 

"--Are you sure I'm the one that thinks being plastered naked in a magazine isn't worth it? Who's the one so strung out she's completely projecting her bullshit on to her friend and belittling her to make herself feel like she's won?"

"Won what?! What's the fucking prize, Vivian?!"

"I'm outta here." Slash mumbles, not wanting to be around the bullshit drama, as I yell back:

"Attention, Tansy! Everybody knows the thing that drives you is attention and how other people view you! You're so jealous at the fact that, for onc, guys aren't focused on sweet, little, travel-sized-bed-bunny, Tansy, that you don't know how to fucking handle it! And modeling with your pussy and tits out isn't worth it to you anymore because, yes you've got money and fame and attention, but you are still so fucking unhappy! You're angry and envious because I'm content with the fact I'm naked in a magazine, and you're so sick with yourself for doing the same thing!"

"Viv, c'mon, now." Duff says lowly as he nudges me to cut it out, but I can't. I'm too pissed. 

"God, Vivian, you are so fucking privileged!" She starts laughing, tears in her eyes and I raise my brows. "I winded up modeling for these nude magazines because me and mama needed the fucking money! I never got my license because we couldn't afford a car for me so what the hell was the point?! Any 'spending' money was put towards pageants and cheer, and when I got the offer I took it and ran with it because I was tired of being fucking broke!" She yells and I roll my jaw. "You, however, did it just because you wanted to! And I know they gave you a lot of money for it and you're scared of Nikki not leaving you enough money to take care of yourself when you guys divorce--and I'm sorry for you, that sucks--but, Vivian, you didn't sign a prenup so half of his shit is going to you, anyway, and being that he's casually had checks of $600,000 chilling in his mailbox before, you're gonna be pretty fucking set for a while without having the extra $40,000! You are so fucking spoiled and you don't even realiz--"

"--I'm sorry, I'm what?!" I scream, taking a step closer to her, causing Axl to get a little closer as well. 

"Viv, seriously, please just leave it alone." Duff begs me and I disregard it as Tansy goes on. 

"You literally went from your dad buying you everything you fucking wanted, to Nikki buying you everything you fucking wanted, and you've never had to lift a finger to get any of it! All you had to do was ask your dad for whatever, and now all you've gotta do is give Nikki a blowjob and the world is yours!" 

"I don't recall asking my dad or Nikki for a fucking scholarship to Juilliard! I don't recall asking neither of them to fill in for me, dancing for eight fucking hours a day--on my fucking toes--for years, or study for me in all my classes so I could have a high GPA to get into a good school! I might not have a 'thing' right now, but I do know what hard work is and if you want to compare dancing and modeling, we sure as hell can because I assure you, Tansy, you're not where you are because you worked your ass off, you're where you are because you fucked all the right people and got to the top!"

"And so did you!" She exclaims, and Duff and Axl are pulling me off of her a few seconds after my nails are going for her throat.

"Fuck off!" Axl screams at me, getting us separated, standing in front of her to guard her as Duff's got my back against him, his long arms having a steel grip around me in case I try to go again. 

Tansy's only got a small, surface scratch over her neck.

"I might have my issues, Vivian, but anytime any of us act batshit crazy and just attack people it's because we're tripping on something and don't know what we're doing! You're so fucked up all on your own without needing anything to bring it out of you!" She yells. 

"I didn't start losing my temper and being 'crazy' until you and Nikki and Tommy and Vince decided to become raging drug addicts and alcoholics and then act like it's still all fun and games when two of you OD at least twice a fucking year!" I shriek back. "And I don't feel left behind, yet, but I will when you junkies finally shoot your last fucking cc, and I'm left to plan fucking funerals!" 

Her face falls at my words, realizing why I'm such a fucking wreck all the time. 

"I don't look at you and think 'model' and I don't look at the guys and think 'Mötley Crüe' because I just see fucked up morons who need help but refuse to fucking accept it, so congratulations, Tansy, at least you found your 'thing', I mean really, I'm so envious that I'm not a sloppy heroin addict, alcoholic, crackhead. You really do win." I finish, getting out of Duff's grasp, leaving and slamming the door behind me. 

"The fuck is your problem, huh?!" Axl barks, following after me and I ignore him, causing him to grab at my arm roughly, stopping me, and I whip around to face him, seeing Duff coming to us. 

"Leave me the fuck alone, Axl." I warn him. 

"Or what? You gonna hit me? I wish to fuck you would, you crazy bitch, I'll have you laid out right here." He cuts back. 

"Axl, man, leave her alone." Duff tells him, trying to pull him away from me but Axl sharply snatches away from him. 

I see Fred coming towards us from the corner of my eye, Slash and Doc following behind him.

Getting the timing perfect, the palm of my hand is smacking as hard as it can against Axl's cheek, and we're being pulled apart before he can hit me back, which I know he's planning on doing. 

“For the love of God, Vivian, can you fucking stay out of a fucking fight just for one fucking night?!” Fred shouts at me, “Girls, Girls, Girls” beginning to play from the stage.

“No, because she’s a fucking psycho!” Axl barks back.

“Oh, I’m the fucking psycho?!” I blare at him.

“Vivian, please calm down.” Doc pleads, rubbing his forehead.

“Suck my clit!” I sneer at him, trying to kick him.

“I’m so close to have you thrown in a psych ward and evaluated!” He’s suddenly outbursting.

“The fuck did you just say?!” Duff’s getting in on it, now, his nostrils flaring at Doc’s comment. “Maybe she’s this out of order because she’s got so much fucking pressure on her from you selfish motherfuckers!”

“You wanna stay on this tour or not, kid?!” Doc snaps at him.

“I’ll go get Nikki off the fucking stage to come handle this shit--you threatening to throw his fucking wife in a crazy house, the fuck is wrong with you?!” Duff keeps on.

“Alright, everybody just calm down!” Fred yells, making everyone go quiet, the many crew members now stopped and watching everything go down. “Duff, Axl, Slash, find Izzy and Steven and stay in your fucking dressing room and eat.” He orders, pointing at the three of them.

Axl’s let go, and he’s shooting me the nastiest glare in the world as he pushes past us, Duff glancing at me, letting out a heavy breath before following him with Slash.

“Doc, go watch the show.” Fred states next.

Doc looks like he’s about to argue.

“Doc. I’m serious.”

He exhales and steps away, turning the corner, and Fred then stares at everyone staring at us.

“The fuck are you cock-suckers looking at?” He asks them.

They nervously fumble about their business and Fred pulls me to the bathroom.

He stares at me when we get inside and I raise my brows at him, expecting him to immediately start in on me, but he surprises me when he stays silent for a while, looking as if he’s trying to figure how to speak, until he finally does...and causes the breath to leave my body completely.

“How long have you been fucking him?”

[inglourious-imagines]

Baby (Cliff Booth)

Requested by: @sergeant-donny-donowitz (you should give her a follow if you haven't already, she's an outstanding writer!) I apologize it took me so damn long, I've been really busy lately.

Summary: The affection between Cliff and you is more than obvious but both of you are too stubborn to confess. All you 'need' is to involuntarily meet your ex hippie boyfriend so Cliff could save you and finally realize his feelings.

Author's Note: Hope you enjoy! Requests are open!

"Hello my Hollywood star!" your voice echoed through Rick's hall as you walked in the living room with two six packs of beer in each hand. "Hey B-baby!" your actor friend got up from the coach to hug you tight. You held him probably a little bit longer than you should but you just missed him so much and haven't seen him and Cliff for such a long time because of the new job as an actor you got. 

"C'mon, have a s-seat, Baby!" he laughed and put his hand around your shoulder. You smiled happily at the random memory that just appeared in your head.

•••

"Can you stop it, Rick?" you frowned at him and started to walk away because the way he just embarrassed you in front of so many people was way behind the line. He just laughed at your behaviour and ran after you, "Jesus Y/N, don't be such a baby. I-it was just a fun."

"Yeah, maybe for you, Mr Dalton." you didn't even look at him when you said that.

"Now y-you're calling me by m-my surname? That's very m-mature."

"Can you just shut up?"

"Okay, f-fine. I'll stop it."

"Finally."

"Baby." 

"I'm so done with you, Rick fucking Dalton." 

"Ohhh, you l-love me!"

At that point, you couldn't stay angry at Rick anymore. And ever since, he'd been calling you Baby. Only in serious conversations he'd call you by your real name.

•••

"Cliff is on his way, don't w-worry." Rick said all of a sudden while making margaritas in the kitchen. "I didn't say anything." you tried to cover the sudden nervousness behind a smile.

"Then why the fuck y-you're blushing so damn hard?" he laughed loudly and turned to face you, "now tell me what has been g-going on with you two." 

You didn't even tried to stop the way this conversation was slowly going. Rick obviously knew about your feelings towards Cliff, it wasn't really hard to guess that because your red cheeks gave you away every single time. Even Cliff had to know...

"I've never seen him that h-happy when he's with you, Y/N." Rick broke the silence between you two and your heart dropped a little when you heard those words. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Don't tell me you d-don't see it! Every time he just gets to talk to y-you, his eyes sparkle and he can't help it but smile like a freaking idiot a-all the time."

And once again, your cheeks were turning into the light tone of red. "And then you're blushing so h-hard when he talks with you and this just c-completes the whole l-love story."

"Geez, shut up and drink." you laughed but deep down you were wishing for Rick's words to be true.

•••

You were lying on the coach with Rick watching nothing else but Bounty Law when there was this specific knock on the front door you'd recognize any time. You jumped on your feet maybe too happily and ran over to open the door.

"Try not to be r-red like a fucking tomato, Baby!" 

Damn it, Rick! Can you shout a bit louder so Cliff could hear you?!

Causal dark blue jeans, plain black T-shirt, mokasins, nothing special but it was probably the most beautiful thing you'd seen in the past week.

"I freakin' missed ya so much." Cliff mumbled and immediately wrapped his strong arms around your body. This was rather unusual gesture of Cliff because he wasn't the sentimental type of guy so you enjoyed this little moment as much as you could, his hand was gently rubbing your back and you felt genuinely safe. "I missed you too, Cliff." you whispered and pulled him even closer to you even though there wasn't any space left between you two.

•••

"We forgot the fucking h-hippie sucker Tex!" Rick shouted all of sudden. "Oh yeah, this idiot. I hate him." Cliff nodded and took a drag from his cigarette as he rolled his eyes at the little memory.

Cliff knew you weren't lucky when it comes to picking boyfriends and you probably knew it as well but were just too stubborn to admit it. Exactly this was eating the stuntman alive. All he ever wanted was you to be truly happy, even if it wasn't with him. And seeing you so broken from all the bad relationships, it hurt him like hell. He wanted to hug you tight, stroke your hair and kiss your forehead and tell you it'll be all fine. He wanted to fall asleep next to you as well as wake up. He wanted to walk Brandy with you. He just simply wanted you. There hadn't been anyone in his life that made him feel the way you did. 

•••

"Hey, I left something in my car, I'm gonna go get it. I'll be right back." you informed your friends, got up from the TV and quickly left the house. 

There was this nice summer breeze in the air that made you shiver a bit but you didn't mind it at all.

You didn't leave anything in the car. It was just too much for you to be in the same room as Cliff. You cursed under your breath for allowing yourself to have this kind of feeling towards him. It was impossible for you to be with him. You knew you'd probably break his heart in the end because it may not work out and you didn't want to destroy something so beautiful. 

•••

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here?"

You slowly turned around and you had to blink a few times just to make sure you're not dreaming. "Hi Tex." you breathed out and took a small step back. "What? You afraid of me, little princess? C'mon, we'll just have some fun together." he winked at you and roughly grabbed your wrist.

You were pretty scared at this moment - your heart was racing inside your chest so fast, your hands were trembling. 

"Just leave me alone. We're done." you tried to sound cold and tough but when he laughed contemptuously, you knew you failed at it. However, his smile disappeared as fast as it formed on his lips and in the next second you felt his hand slap your cheek so hard you fell on the ground and bruised your palms. 

"What the fuck is goin' on here?!" Cliff shouted and was standing right next to you in a matter of one second. He looked at you with so much love and concern, you almost forgot about the burning pain.

"You're Tex, right?" Cliff growled when he turned to the guy and clenched his fists, "listen to me, if you ever show your fucking ass here again or even lay your eyes on her, I swear I'm gonna beat the shit out of you with a can of dog food and then I'll make you eat it, understood?"

All Tex could do was nod.

"Great, now get the fuck out of here!" Cliff raised his voice and that made your ex boyfriend turn around and run away as fast as possible.

"Come here, Y/N." Cliff almost whispered and stroked your hurt cheek. You smiled at him, "Thank you for saving me."

"We should do that for the people we love."

You froze in the moment. He froze right after you when he realised what he just said. There was a small silence between you two. You saw how Cliff was trying to get some words out: "Look, I don't even know why I-" You cut him off with a small innocent kiss, something you wanted to do for some time now. Your cheek didn't hurt anymore or your palms and all you could perceive on was his lips on yours and his hands around your waist.

Well, until Rick came out of the house with a flamethrower in his hands, "Where's the fucking hippie, guys"?

[borathae]

~Chapter 25~ Jesus Christ and i thought the last chapter was a rollercoasterride. When Jungkook said "you are the love of my life" now that...broke me. No joke I literally got chills when jungkook said that, like i am not joking. Also "No darling, i mean y/n" aaaah there it is again 👀 Also forehead kithes, yes.

🖤 Strangers - FLETCHER

When oc & kook started talking it just felt so real. Like how people that had such a special bond can become strangers again. Like when you were SO FUCKING close with someone you could talk about everything and now you don't even know how to start a conversation. "The way we ended it, you know it makes me sick how two people once could be so in love, now we never talk. [...] and I hate that I hurt you. What I know right now, I wish I knew then. [...] We started out as strangers, now we're strangers again."

🖤 No Right To Love You - Rhys Lewis

Jungkook knowing and acknowledging he fucked up, to the point where he feels like he doesn't even deserve ocs love anymore. "To jump was my decision, I've only got myself to blame. 'Cause I have no right to love you when I chose to walk away. I have no right to miss you when I didn't wanna stay and I have no right to need you. And I knew what my heart was gonna lose. I have no right to love you but I do. I still do."

🖤 Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

This one is just so fitting. Especially with the part where jk was really opening up about what oc really means to him and that he lowkey only sees a future with her. Like she really showed him what love feels like. "I don't wanna lose you now, I'm lookin' right at the other half of me. The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold." Alsoooo when he said that once he realised all that, he just had to come back, there was no other option. "Show me how to fight for now and I'll tell you, baby, it was easy comin' back here to you once I figured it out. You were right here all along." And then the part of the song where it literally goes "you are, you are the love of my life" over and over again 💔 Also this line: "So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone." Jungkook is evolving.

🖤 What We Had - Sody

This would have fit the last chapter so much but I just discovered this song and I think this also kinda represents what Jungkook feels about the whole OC x Hobi situation. We see he's bettering himself in that he's trying to walk away from the situation and deal with his emotions alone instead of exploding in ocs face bc that is toxic. And he's very open about his feelings, communication is key in a healthy relationship. But still, he is jealous bc he loves oc and therefore obviously doesn't want to imagine her with another man. "I know I'm being selfish and I've got no right but I can't help thinking about you tonight. And I don't wanna say it 'cause I know it's bad but I don't want somebody having what we had. I know I'm being stupid but I just can't stop thinking that you're with somebody and I'm not." Also this part: "I've still got the pictures from the memories that we once made, can't seem to let them go, I thought that we'd grow old. Down to see you happy but I don't want to see you happy without me."

🖤 I Hate You, Don't Leave Me - Demi Lovato

I feel like this represents oc's feelings really well, like the way she's torn between wanting him back and struggling to forgive him. "I hate you, don't leave me. 'Cause I love when you kiss me. I'm in pieces, you complete me. But I can't back down, no, I can't deny that I'm staying now 'cause I can't decide, confused and scared." The song even talks about the physical touch part with which oc is struggling as well, wanting to be held by kook but at the same time being scared of what his touch ignites in her. "I hate you, don't leave me. I feel like I can't breathe. Just hold me, don't touch me." Also the ending of this chapter really felt like oc was trying to make sure that jk knows that she needs him and that it's definitely not fully over eventhough she's so torn. "I admit, I'm in and out of my head. [...] Just hear me out before you run away 'cause I can't take this pain, no. [...] Been abandoned, and I'm scared now. I can't handle another fall out, I'm fragile."

🖤 Side of My Heart - Katelyn Tarver

Same as with the song before. Oc struggling with her feelings. "Half of me wants to come over and spill every thought that's inside of my head. Half of me wants to unlearn every turn that would take to get into your bed. One foot on the gas, one foot on the brakes. One out the door and one trying to stay. [...] I can start telling myself once we get through the mess, we'll be stronger for it. But then I start thinking that if I was stronger, I wouldn't put up with your shit. One minute I'm sad, the next I feel crazy." And this "I need you all the way here or all the way gone", how oc got angry for a sec when jk told her he's leaving again.

Sorry these are getting longer everytime, I'm invested haha 😢✌

Okay first of all never apologize for your song recs getting long! Please I love them so much, you could sent in a whole novel and I would read every single letter of it 🥺💜  

 Strangers - FLETCHER

Okay first of all that song has such JKMusic vibes, which just adds a whole level of flavour to it omfg 🤧 Also no joke this is literally so them ommgmg. Like when the reader is all like “help why is it so weird talking to him? what happened?” that song could play in the background omfg 🤧😔 but also omfg this line “No time's the right time to reach out but here I go [...] all the things we said and couldn't take back, swear I never meant it, and I hate that I hurt you.” is so Jungkook and him struggling to reach out to here for months 😔

No Right To Love You - Rhys Lewis

I don’t even know what part to quote because the whole entire song is basically Jungkook in this chapter. Holy shit :( I am acHING HAHAHHAH you don’t even know how many times I listened to that song while I was writing this chapter. And then you go and rec it and I am just like 😩 we are sharing a braincell anonie 😔

Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

I don’t know what I should add here anonie. Your description and the lyrics you chose are literally perfect. There is nothing to add here other than :(( I am bIG SAD :(( 

What We Had - Sody

YES OMFG! First of all I 100% agree with you that this also fits perfectly with chapter 24 😔 also lisTEN HOW DO YOU FIND SONGS THAT JUST FIT SO 

R I G H T???

Like I am literally blown away, it’s freaking amazing and I am :( Also omfg this part “I've still got the pictures from the memories that we once made, can't seem to let them go.” if that isn’t them both realising that they both carried a part of the other with them. OC with the half-finished tattoo and the polaroid and JK with the finished drawing :( I am soBBING

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me - Demi Lovato

😭😭😭 anonie lisTEN I AM GOING TO SMOOCH YOU hfhdshfh your description, the parts you quoted I am just wOw I couldn’t have said it better. Fuck you saying “ she wants to be held by kook but at the same time being scared of what his touch ignites in her.” I am ACHING 😭😭 aLSO THIS PART “Been abandoned, and I'm scared now. I can't handle another fall out.” if that isn’t her being all scared of giving in I am :(

Side of My Heart - Katelyn Tarver

This song is so beautiful omg, I teared up hahahah hELP lisTEN I am :( this shows her struggle so well, like especially that part “I need you all the way here or all the way gone [...] I want you to go and I want you to stay.” this made me think of when they were all like “guess that’s it then, the end of our relationship” and yet neither one of them stood up and left because deep down they both didn’t want their relationship to end. I am a broKEN WOMAN 😭

Thank you so much anonie, listening to those songs literally just made my day. I mean lol they did tug at my heartstrings, but it was a good kinda tug 🤧 seriously I appreciate you so much, I love you lots my lovely anonie 🥺💜💕