#and on top of that i cant find a single job that will hire me even fast food like im TRYING

[shadyhouse]

i have $6 right now and im about to have to overdraft my main bank account severely to pay rent again, i'm still looking for jobs but its been a nightmare. plz help me to survive the month 🙏😭 anything at all helps

if anyone is able to throw a few bucks at me so i can buy groceries after work today itd be much much much appreciated 👉👈 anything at all helps

vnm: tobias_leviathan

pp: paypal.me/bewearrr

[backtobackbakubabe]

I’m Gonna Make This Place Your Home (Part 4)

Bakugo x reader 

Runaway reader finds a home with Bakugo, but will trouble follow? 

Words : 3175

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Bakugo’s leg bounced up and down as his anxiety climbed. He had left you all alone at the apartment. He got up extra early despite the fact that he had been up most of the night tossing and turning because of another one of your nightmares.

He made you breakfast, left instructions for how to make lunch and even left some emergency cash with a note letting you known where he was going to be, for how long, and a number to reach him at if you needed him. He wanted to be prepared for anything. What he hadn't anticipated was you not calling him at all.

He wasnt some clingy bitch. He knew he didnt need to hold your hand through everything. You were a smart and capable girl. And he needed to chill out.  

You had gotten out of bed a little later than usual. Your nightmares had done a number on you and without Bakugo there to drag your ass out of bed you slept way longer than you should have. It was well past noon by the time you were up, showered and dressed. You put on your best outfit and hurried out the door taking the breakfast Bakugo had made to go. You were on a mission. You were going to get a job.

You had the route to the coffee shop memorized at this point but it did take longer than you remembered without Bakugo there to provide small talk on the way.

It wasn’t busy when you finally got there, in fact there were only three people there including you who didnt work there. You confidently strolled up to the counter and asked a very annoyed looking Tasha if they were still hiring.

She raised her eyebrows at you, “You are even dumber than you look...You really want to work here? With me? Do you even have any experience?”

You shrugged ignoring her little jab at you, “Bakugo taught me how to make coffee at home... and I really really love coffee...”

She simply scoffed and rolled her eyes,  “Pushing a button on a coffee pot and being a barista are two totally different things.” 

You bit your lip and nodded, “Yeah of course... I would never dream of insinuating that your job is easy. But I’m a quick leaner I promise!” 

Tasha stared at you for a few nerve wracking moments before rolling her eyes, “You’re lucky it’s not up to me. I’ll go get the manager.” You started to walk away but she grabbed your wrist. Panicking you pulled back but her grip tightened. She looked you straight in the eyes, “Look I shouldn't even be telling you this but I feel like its my job, one woman to another... The manager... he's a little handsy. Just.... be warned.” 

You slowly nodded, “Uh... thanks. Does the owner know? About the manager I mean... Bakugo knows him and I’m sure he could help if you want...” 

She yanked her hand back from yours, “I can take care of myself thanks. I don’t need a man to fight my battles for me unlike some people I know.” 

She turned on her heels and headed to the back office before you could respond. You desperately wanted to help her. Just because she could take care of herself doest mean she should have to. You pulled the note that Bakugo had left you and considered giving him a call but the manager was already walking out of his office and giving you a megawatt smile. 

“Well hello there. You must be Y/n. Tasha said you were interested in a job?” 

You politely nodded your head, “Yes sir, that would be correct.” 

His smile looked so sleazy, “Sir huh? I like the sound of that. Most of the girls around here aren't as respectful as you seem to be. Come take a seat. My name is Riku. I’m the manager here and I just have a few questions before we move any further.” He motioned to one of the couches that you had sat on many times before with Bakugo. But you knew better and your instincts drove you to take one of the single chairs next to the couch. 

If he was annoyed by this he hid it well. “So... Y/n. Tell me a little about yourself and why you would like a job here.” 

You wiped your sweaty palms on your jeans and cleared your throat. “Well I’d like to work here because I absolutely love coffee, and I really like this place. I come here so often and it’s very cozy. I’ll admit my skills are limited, but I’m a quick leaner and a hard worker.” 

He nodded as you spoke, “So what about you. You answered why you want a job but you haven't told me anything about yourself.”

You simply shrugged, “Not much to know honestly. I just uh... moved here. I don’t have many friends yet. I like to read, drink coffee, and my roommate is currently teaching me how to cook.” It felt so weird referring to Bakugo as your roommate. It felt like a lie almost as soon as you said it. But there was no need to dread on it now. 

“Are you 18?” 

You frowned, “I’m well over 18. Why? Do you have to be 18 to work here or something?” 

He shook his head, “I just prefer to have a more... mature staff here. That way we don’t run into any.... childish drama.”  

You averted your eyes away from his growing more and more uncomfortable the longer you sat there. “So uh... did I get the job or...”

He leaned over and put his hand on your thigh giving you chills, “Oh yes of course! Come with me and we’ll get you an apron and a name tag.” He stood up, “I hate to ask but would you mind starting today? Tasha, despite being a brat, is our best trainer and she’s here today.” 

You swallowed back your instinct to slap him for touching you, “Yeah that shouldn't be a problem.” You allowed yourself to relax as soon as his back was to you. Why were you doing this? Was this job really worth it? Working for a scummy boss and a trainer who for whatever reason hated you... But you needed a job. You couldn’t depend on Bakugo forever. 

You followed him behind the counter to what looked like a small break room. It consisted of a table a few chairs and cubbies to put your things. Tasha was currently occupying one of the chairs scrolling through her phone. Riku walked over and squeezed her shoulder, “Okay break time’s over. You need to start training the new girl.”

She looked up from her phone and locked eyes with you, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.. you actually hired her?!” 

Before he could even respond you sat down next to her, “Yes he did hire me, and I would like to officially burry the hatchet.” You reached your hand out to hers but she didnt take it. 

She stood up, “Whatever. Go get your stupid apron and meet me by the register.”

You looked at Riku who just shrugged, “Like I said... she's a brat. But I’m sure she’ll warm up to you eventually.” He handed you and apron, “Now get out there before she throws another fit. I can only handle her in small doses.” 

You pulled your hair up into a bun, threw your apron on and scurried out to catch up with Tasha. She was already by the register taping her fingers in annoyance, “Hurry up will ya! I don’t have all day.” 

You spent the next several hours learning in great detail about how to ring things into the register. She may not be very nice but she was in fact a great and thorough trainer. You were so excited to move on and start learning about all the machines and what they did. As the day went on she became more patient and her voice started to lose the board and distasteful tone. 

It was about an hour before close when the bell rang signaling a customer had walked into the store. Tasha gave you a look. “Alright lets see how much you learned. I’ll let you do this all on your own.” 

Giddy with excitement you skipped over to the  register, “Hello welcome in! What can I get-” Your eyes locked with a very, VERY, angry Bakugo. 

His hands were firmly planted on the counter in between the two of you. “Where the fuck have you been? I go all day without hearing from you then I get home to see that the food I had left for lunch was untouched and you were nowhere to be found! What the fuck Y/n!? Are you trying to kill me! I thought something had happened to you... I thought... I thought.” 

You reached your hand out and placed it on top of his, “You thought the worst. I completely understand, and I’m sorry I caused you to panic. I should have called to let you know but I wanted to surprise you... Surprise... I got a job...” 

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, “Well you could have at least left a note..” He was already starting to calm down. As soon as he knew you were okay and safe he found it hard to actually be mad. “You know you don’t need a job right? It’s not like I’m going to start charging you rent..”

You rubbed your thumb over his hand, “Yeah but you should. You’ve been helping me adjust and part of that means I need to make my own money. I cant depend on you forever.”

He scoffed, “Says who? You’re an idiot if you think I’d ever kick you out to fend for yourself. I may be an asshole but I’m not that mean.... Is it even safe for you to have a job.”

You smiled and lightly shrugged, “Why wouldn't it be?”

He narrowed his eyes, “Think about it... A public place where anyone could see you.”

“I’m here practically every day anyways!”

“Yeah but usually you're here with me...” He groaned, “Don’t make me get you a fucking babysitter. Because I fucking will.” 

You giggled, “Please Bakugo! It’s part time. I’ll only be here 3 days a week. I really want to do this. I need to do this.” 

He groaned again, “Fine. But I’m waiting until you get off and I’m walking you home. It’s late enough as it is and I dont want you walking home alone.” 

He started to walk towards one of the couches when you shouted after him, “Well you might as well order something while you wait! You’ll be my first customer.”

He could see how happy you were and it softened him up just the smallest bit, “Alright I’ll take the usual.”

You crinkled your nose, “Your usual or my usual?”

He cocked an eyebrow, “We have the same usual dumbass. You practically forced me to drink that girly cinnamon bun latte shit and now its unfortunately my favorite drink...”

You blushed, “Right.. Coming right up.”

He paid for his coffee and took a seat in his usual spot. The very same couch Riku had tried to get you to sit on earlier. You wondered if you should tell him about that. But you also barley got him to agree to you having a job. Not that he really had a say in what you do, but you still valued his opinion. You knew he would never say no to something unless he truly believed it was harmful in some way. 

You skipped around as you made the delicious latte that was also your favorite. Your mouth practically watering, craving one for yourself. When you were done you looked to Tasha. “So did I do it right?” 

Looking bored, “Considering how often you guys come in here, and how often I’ve had to make those... Yeah it looked like you did it right...” She took a step closer towards you, “You’ve worked pretty hard today and surprisingly haven't been a pain in my ass so how about I make you another one and you take a quick break with your boyfriend..”

“Oh, Bakugo isn’t my boyfriend. He’s my roommate. I can see why you'd be confused though. He's very protective. Believe me we’re working on that.” You fiddled with the lid of the coffee you had just made, “I just.... I just went through a lot. In a way its like I’m a bit broken and... well he’s taken it upon himself to help me put the pieces back together. Its not his job, and he knows that but he's determined to do it anyways.” 

Tasha gave you a regretful look before averting her eyes down to the floor, “I’m sorry... for being a bitch. Not that there’s any excuse but... I basically flirted with him like every day for years and he never even gave me a second look. And then all the sudden you were there and he was so nice and caring to you and I..  I was just a jealous bitch.. I’m sorry I hope you can forgive me.” She picked her eyes up to meet yours, “And just so you're know... He may not be your boyfriend officially, but he's definitely not just your roommate. In my experience guys don't care as much as he does unless they like you.” 

You felt yourself blush, “I promise you he doesn't like me the way that you think. He's just a really nice guy... and of course I can forgive you. I’m not the kind of person who holds grudges. Besides... I could really use a friend who isn't Bakugo.” 

Tasha smirked a bit, “I dont know if you want me as a friend. I dont know if you’ve heard but I’m kind of a brat.”

You laughed, “You're not so bad. As much as you didn't like me you never once gave me bad coffee. You always made my drink delicious despite hating me and I think that says a lot about you. You also had no reason to warn me about Riku but you did anyways. I think you're better than you give yourself credit for.” 

“OI! Dumbass! I know you’re new here but usually you get the persons coffee to them before it gets cold.” 

You both laughed and you rolled your eyes, “I better get his majesty his coffee before he explodes.” 

You walked over and plopped onto the couch besides Bakugo and handed him his coffee, “Has anyone ever told you you’re impatient?” 

He chuckled, “People dont usually have the balls too. But I think I’ve heard someone say that once or twice.” 

Tasha came up and handed you your coffee, “Alright just a quick break okay. 15 minutes and then I need to show you how to close up and clean the machines.” 

You smiled and took a sip, “Oh this is delicious thanks Tasha!” 

You turned back to Bakugo who was giving you such a soft smile.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that.”

He quirked an eyebrow “Is there anyone you cant wrap around your finer? That girl hated you yesterday and now she's smiling at you and making you coffee.”

You shrugged, “I find that being patient and empathetic gets you pretty far in life. You should try its sometime.”

“I think I’ll pass. But I will try this coffee... You didn’t poison it did you?” 

“Only a little bit, not enough to kill you though so don’t worry.”

He let out a heavy laugh, “Look at you, picking up on sarcasm already. I’m such bad influence on you.” He took a sip of his coffee and gave you an unreadable look. “Alright Y/n. I have to tell you... this coffee... is fantastic. I will be purchasing a latte machine for the apartment, and your rent will from here on out be you making me coffee. I’m sorry I don’t make the rules.” 

You were both laughing when you could hear someone clear their throat behind you. You turned to see Riku crossing his arms across his chest and looking very annoyed, “Y/n... We have a strict fraternization policy. We don’t allow our girls to sit with the customers while on shift for any reason.” 

Your hand immediately went to Bakugos arms and squeezed. Trying to signal for him to let you handle it. “Sorry Riku. This is my roommate Bakugo. Tasha said it was okay for me too take a quick break out here before we start closing up.” 

Bakugo was staring at Riku but it didnt seem to affect the man what so ever. Instead his eyes just flicked to where you hand was on Bakugo’s arm and he grew even angrier. “I don't care what Tasha said. I’m the manager. All breaks are to be taken in the break room. Employees only. And speaking of closing, it’s about time your little friend left.” 

Before you could stop him Bakugo was standing up and getting in Riku’s face, “You may be her boss, but you don’t tell me what to do. It’s late and it’s dark outside. So I’m going to sit my ass down on this couch until she’s ready to leave and then I’m going to walk her home. You got that asshole?” 

You were straight up panicking now. What was he doing? Was he trying to get you fired on your first day?! You put your hand on Bakugo’s chest, “Honestly I’m fine. You can wait outside if you want Bakugo it’s no big deal.”

You started to walk back to the counter when Riku grabbed you arm but his eyes remained glued to Bakugo’s, “If you know what's best for you you’ll wait outside. I have the power to make Y/n’s life here.... difficult. If she wants a job here then she has to follow my rules like the good little girl that she is...” He gave your ass a quick slap and that was it... all hell broke loose. 

Bakugo had Riku by the neck and pushed against the wall in seconds. His other hand that was sparking furiously up next to his face. “Who the FUCK do you think you're talking to?! I am Ground Mother Fucking Zero! You have NO RIGHT to touch her like that!” His hand got closer to Riku’s now terrified face. His voice dropped an octave and you had to admit it was terrifying, but it was also kind of... hot. “You’re fucking lucky I dont send you to the fucking hospital, but honestly I dont want to deal with the paperwork. So instead I want you to pack your shit like the good little boy that you are.... and get the fuck out. And you better fucking PRAY that I never see you again.” 

With that Bakugo threw him to the ground and turned too you. “You sure you need a job?”  

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Tags: @theoneforallkiddeku​ @dexterous-deku @salkandari98 @malibusurfer56​

@emotions-and-potions @carolinawindsay​ @fukyouthink​ @targaryens-blog​ @opentheskeletonkey​ 

[stardancerluv]

A Dark and Stormy Night

Prequel to Creative Fervor

Part 2 of 2

Summary : You went out with your friends to celebrate the birthday of one of them. What you didn’t expect was fallling hard for one of the owner of the chic The Black Mask Club in Gotham.

Arthor’s Note: revised and updated!

HANDSOME YOUNG MAKEUP MOGUL OPENS NIGHTCLUB, the article announced in large bold print. The article floated down to you from where you sat at your drafting table. You were focused coming up with some pieces for the famous Bruce Wayne. You had dived hard into your work after you the partying you had done over the weekend.

You put your pencil down, grabbing it. “What is this?”

Your friend’s face popped up from behind the table. She giggled. “It’s your boyfriend.”

“Hahaha,” you gave some forced laughs. You had to admit he did look good in the close up and in the other shot standing in the middle of his night club. “Yeah, yeah...my boyfriend.” You rolled your eyes. You could still see the blonde hanging off him. You really don’t know why it irked you so much, but it did.

“Had to clip the article for you.” She smiled.

“Hey, Jareth and I are grabbing lunch. Join us?”

You stretched, sighing. “Sure. I could use a bite.”

*****

“Jareth Stapleton, my dear friend who designs for the rich and famous.” You couldn’t help but praise and coo at him as you shared a hug at the restaurant. You and him and always had a playful rivalry over who you would design for next in Gotham.

“Yeah,” He said dryly. “All except him! I can’t believe you got the yummy Bruce Wayne.”

You shrugged, as you sat down. “I still don’t know how I got him as a client.” You nervously tucked some purple hair behind your ear.

*****

Roman, had to have a lunch with Bruce Wayne. To be nice, he decided it would be a good idea to go. Maybe he would tell his friends to go to his club. Bruce was beyond boring. Always a goodie goodie. He was as vapid as the papers portrayed him.

When they were kids he was, and now even more so. Roman, tried to lose himself in his menu.

“Why look who it is?” He heard Bruce’s voice perk up.

Roman did not look out from behind his menu. “Who?” Annoyed, he didn’t want to rub elbows with any of Bruce’s friends. He just wanted their money.

“It’s the mfurniture designer I hired. She is a genius.” Roman, finally glanced at Bruce. A huge smile was splashed across his face. “Let me introduce you two. She is a much better girl than that Circe girl you tried to date.”

“We dated, Bruce.” He sighed, she had cheated and humiliated him. Never again. “What makes you think I want to date someone who works for you?” Roman grumbled. “I don’t date the help.”

Bruce, tugged his arm. “Aw, come on, Romy. Don’t be a snob. She’s a nice girl and very pretty.”

He sighed. “Do I have to?” He rolled his eyes. Anyone Bruce found attractive were less than standard for him. “Alright.” He finally put the menu down. Getting up, he smoothed his suit jacket and put on a polite face.

*****

You watched as Jareth began bouncing in his chair. “Y/N, your client is coming our way!”

“Who?” You looked and bit back a gasp. What caught your eye was the man behind Bruce Wayne. Despite how good Roman looked...a look of utter boredom looked as if it had just been splashed across his face. You hoped it wasn’t because of you being here. You bit your bottom lip.

Your other friend nudged you. “And her boyfriend is behind him.” She hissed.

“Yeah my boyfriend.” You rolled your eyes, sighing but you smiled and stood up.

“Bruce!” You exclaimed, happily. “It is so funny running into you like this!” You gave each other a friendly, warm hug.

“Y/N, what a pleasure!” He turned and made a grand gesture. “Roman my dear friend, meet the lady who is personally designing something for me.”

You flushed, you were always surprised when someone would compliment you. Pulling back from Bruce, your heart fluttered as Roman finally walked up. He looked so sharp.

“Hello, Roman.”

*****

Roman, was taken aback, it was you! His spirits immediately lifted. He had a second chance at seeing you, this time he was not going to let you get away. “Hello, Y/N.” Maybe he could ask you why you disappeared the other night, he mused.

Confusion wrinkled Bruce’s brow. “You two know each other?”

“She was a guest in my club this weekend.” Roman, quickly added.

“I was celebrating my friend,” You gestured to your friend who was still sitting. “Jessica’s birthday.”

“Oh, how quite nice.” Bruce paused. “Did you end up going to Luxy Star?”

“Yes we had gone there and then we went from there.” You continued. “to The Black Mask Club. It was quite the place, Bruce. Amazing, actually.”

“You liked it better then Luxy Star?” Bruce asked, a small pout on his lips.

“Oh yeah, Roman knows how to treat guests and the place was unbelievable. I loved it.” You smiled at him.

“Y/N you are too kind.” Roman, finally said. He finally took all of you in. You were not dressed up as you had for the weekend. But you were still quite beautiful to look at. The bohemian blouse was cute, artsy even...and the jeans and heals were cute. Like the other night, the sight of you sped up his heart. You continued to intrigue him.

It was nice to discover that the business you had mentioned was you designing furniture. That was interesting. He would have to find out more.

“Why don’t we all eat together?” Bruce suggested.

Roman, spoke up. “As much as I would love to have lunch with Y/N.” He looked at you alone, he didn’t care for the others. “Bruce, I am sure Y/N doesn’t want to eat with her boss.” He relunctantly added, he hoped you didn’t him up on it.

“I don’t mind. I was just going to have some soup anyway. I need to get back to work.” You shrugged. He couldn’t tell how you were feeling. “I still have lots of work to do for you, Bruce.” You added quickly. You did look sad, he mused.

“Nonsense, you need to eat.”

Roman, sat down and sipped at the coffee the waitress finally brought over. He wanted to talk to you. There was so much to say but what. Your friends were annoying and he couldn’t seem to get a word in, everyone’s attention was on Bruce.

*****

After sometime, you finally excused yourself. Roman was ignoring you at best, you couldn’t put your finger on why all of this upset you but it did.

You excused yourself but no one noticed.

“Y/N, where are you going?” A gloved hand grabbed your elbow.

Before you could turn, you heard a squeaky louder voice. You turned to his and the squeaky one.

“Roman!” Turning, you saw a girl with a pigtails stopping him.

“Yes?” His hand slipped from your elbow and he turned towards the other girl.

“Yeah..yeah..be there tomorrow.” He said absently.

“Did I get the job?” He recognized her as one of the two new pastry chefs that applied to work at the club. Looking, back at you he saw you alhad turned to walk away.

Excusing himself tore after you, practically throwing open the door. He looked up and down the sidewalk. Just then, he saw a fluff of your purple ponytail and the taxi zoomed off.

“Fuck.” You were gone. Taking out his phone, he called for his driver.

******

As charming as Bruce was sitting that close to Roman kind of hurt. You didn’t understand It. It was a fast and hard crush, but he was probably dating that blonde. She fit his image better then you did. You could never be that glamourous.

You should be able to just shrug it off. But you just couldn’t, you kept on seeing how that blonde just threw her arms around him, you wished you could do that.

Excusing, yourself making up some kind of reason you left. He seemed to not even notice.

While the cab weaved in and out of traffic, a single tear fell from your eyes. You were being so silly.

As you got back to your drafting table you saw the newspaper article, your friend had brought. His features were so defined, it made your heart flutter, but enough was enough. You were so silly. You took it and ripped it up and tossed it into the bin beside you. Then you got back to work.

@spn-obession @grandimagines @vintagemichelle91 @zodiyack @emyliabernstein @top-rumbelle-fan @shantellorraine @xxinvisiblexx @pooshnulooshnu @speedypartyducksuitcase @blondekel77 @saphic-susperia @drarrylov3r @i-cant-hear-you16 @deadlymistress24 @yesqueenofthelight

[spooks-can-write]

The Babysitter

Nestor x Reader

Summary: Emily hires you to babysit Cristobal (this is apart from the actual tv series events) and you and Nestor have some...tension. im bad at summaries ok.

Warnings: no smut just tension lmao. Cursing. Some predatory behavior, nothing beyond that.

Word count: idk tbh its longER tho bc i cant be short im s o r r y.

Hope yall enjoy 💞

The door chimed as you walked into the coffee shop, immediatley seeing Emily beam as she saw you made you loose a tension you didnt know you were holding. After leaving your last job abruptly you had been busy trying to get your shit together and through the struggle you were glad to take a break to see your old babysitter and childhood friend Emily.

"Hey (y/n)!" She stood up, you noted motherhood suited her well. She seemed more at peace now.

"Hey Em!" You looked down to see Cristobal sweetly sleeping in his noteably expensive stroller.

"So..." she seemed eager "I was talking with Miguel and we know you're...well...looking for a new job and place to stay so we thought it'd be perfect if you stayed with us as Cristobals full time nanny."

You were caught off gaurd to say the least "Oh, uh that does sounds great but i dont have any experience really."

"Dont worry well figure it out and ill be there in the beginning till you settle in. Trust me."

You thought you didnt have many other places to go either way and being in a stable enviornment would be good for a change. Fuck it.

"When can i start?"

Nannying was going better than you thought. It helped that Cristobal was more than well behaved but also you kind of had a knack for it. Not to mention the mansion Emily lived in. The only problem from time to time was that asshole with the cornrows. He always blatantly ignored you or just stared at you until you left the room. You thought long and hard about what you did to piss him off and couldnt think of a single thing, so you decided he was just an asshole.

You needed to check with Miguel about taking Cristobal to the park, going to his office you just found Nestor standing next to an empty desk.

"Where is Miguel?"

He didnt respond.

"Where.Is.Miguel?" You ask with more attitude than you meant.

He blinked like he didnt understand.

"Nestor!" You raised your voice

"He stepped out. He'll be back in 10." His calm tone didnt match yours. You instantly felt embaressed to have been rude. Shit.

"Thanks" you walked out wishing you had been more calm

--------------------------

When you walked in he looked up, thinking it was miguel, to see you. You were wearing that new top he liked. It hugged your curves. The sun was hitting your face making you glow.

Fuck you were beautiful. He wanted to shove the chair out of the way and grab you and kiss you more than he ever wanted anything he knew he couldnt have.

Shit. You looked mad.

"Nestor!"

He gathered his thoughts

He watched you walk out. His stomach twisted that you seemed mad at him. Fuck.

----------------------

They were supposed to be gone all day so you were walking around the house, bouncing and humming a hymn to Cristobal in your pjs. He slowly fell asleep as you walked around the stairs to the den, you stopped dead.

You were met with the eyes of Miguel, Devante, Nestor, and a fair skinned man with a lot of jewlery and a shit eating grin as his eyes obviosuly roamed your body. You were just wearing a little bit too short of shorts and a tank top that cristobals sleepy hand was tugging down. You felt your stomach twist and cheeks flush.

"Sorry-I I didnt know anyone was home, he was getting fussy so.." you trailed off as Miguel stood up giving you a look you couldnt read. You looked over to Nestor and he looked upset.

"Dont worry mija we were just finishing up." Miguel said, like he meant it.

"Actually" the strange man stood, still undressing you with his eyes. It was starting to piss you off.

"Miguelito i think we should wait till my party next saturday to...finalize this deal huh?" He said with that same grin.

"Por supuesto" miguel said as he ushered the man to the other side of the room, talking to each other in spanish too quiet for you to decipher.

You felt stuck in your place. You focused on Cristobals breath against your chest. Trying to let it calm you. You noted more of the man. He looked dangerous. Emily told you Miguel was a international businessman and you believed her till you came here. You werent stupid enough to ask exactly what he did but you also werent stupid enough to believe he was just a businessman either.

The men came back and stood in front of you for a beat.

"Hey listen im really sorry i thought everyone was gone-" you started

"No worries chiquita, but do you have a passport?" Devante asked, eyebrow raised

-----------------------------

"Well if im being whored out i mine as well look good right?" You said smoothing down the soft rose gold satin dress as Emily and Dita sang your praises.

"How many times do i have to tell you (y/n) he just told Miguel he wanted to see you at the party, hes not going to do anything and we won't let him anyways." Emily reassured you, doing your hair.

"You're a part of the family now mija, this is our job as the women." You knew that comment was true, you saw it with your own eyes and that made it sting even more.

You were doing it for the sake of Emily and her family you told yourself. Plus you did look amazing in the dress.

You tugged at the zipper of the dress, it wouldn't budge.

"Hey em, can you-" you turned to see nestor at the door.

"I can if you want" his voice was gentle. Not that he was ever callous with you but it felt deliberate.

"Yeah sure" you half whispered, surprised it got caught in your throat.

He walked over. You moved your hair in front as he gently pulled the zipper up. Touching it when he was done. You turned.

"Listo?" He asked

You nodded, following. Feeling a flutter in your chest.

The drive to mexico was beautiful and serene. You mind did wander to Nestor and how sweet he was to you. You wondered if it was a fluke. Maybe he felt sorry for you. You tried not. to feel sorry for yourself.

You arrived to what looked like a castle. It had the guards with machine guns and everything. You found humor in that, as the situation sank in, you weren't scared.

It you were honest with yourself even when Nestor was cold to you, you always felt safe with him.

You all got out of the car, you last, as Nestor helped you onto the uneven stones. It'd been a minute since you wore heels.

"Dont worry." He leaned down to talk close to you, squeezing your hand. You met his smile.

The music was loud as you walked in. People were dancing and the mariachis were amazing. You were thankful to sit next to emily and dita. You felt eyes on you from men and their wives. You tugged your dress up. Definitley not the most revealing at the party but apparently it was enough.

"Its because you are not married" Dita told you, a comforting hand on your shoulder. "They are jealous" She smiled. It didnt make you feel better. You tried to focus on the drink in front of you.

The man from the house yelled joyfully and drunkenly in spanish and started walking toward the table. The men quickly stood up and met him halfway. Ushering him into a private room smoothly. Not before you made eye contact and he winked. You held your shudder.

The night went on and you found yourself almost having fun and forgetting the dangerous people around you.

You went to the bathroom as Devante and Dita danced.

You were looking for the bathroom when you felt a heavy hand on your waist. You jumped and turned. It was the man.

"Hello pretty women" he said with a accent slurred with the smell of strong alcohol that pinched your nose.

You backed up to find yourself against a wall. You started to look for a way out but his hand got harder on your waist, moving to hold your hip.

He leaned in speaking breathy spanish against your ear you couldnt understand on your best day. You took the opportunity to side step, noticing his henchmen about 10 ft away watching, glocks on their hips. The situation sank your stomach. You wouldnt be getting out of here.

"(Y/n) ive been looking everwhere for you." Dita shuffled past the man grabbing your arm and pulling you away. "Miguel needs to talk with you." She said louder than necesarry.

You were at a near jog down the hall. She stopped and turned you when you were safely away but not into the main area.

"Are you okay mija?" She held your hand. You felt tears welling.

"Men like that will ways exist and here, you will find them in abundance. It's important to stay close to us. They prey on the lone wolf okay?" You nodded. She wiped the tear you didnt know you shed.

She stayed with you till you calmed down.

"Brave face mija" she said as you walked back into the room, back to the table. Nestor and miguel were there looking directly at you, worried, trying to read your face. You forced a smile. Understanding what being in this family meant. It wasnt good. It wasnt bad. It was just your life now.

Nestor quickly sat next to you. Emily eyeing you, sympathetically. They were all too smart to not put together what happened. She touched your thigh, you flinched. She removed it. You could see she made a heartbroken face out the corner of your eyr but you couldnt bring yourself to meet her eyes.

"Im okay i promise. Just..shook up" you were honest. She nodded. You knew she felt terrible.

The night continued. Nestor wanted to kill him and he knew how he would do it. He shared looks with Miguel. He shook his head. Not yet. The second you walked out, holding ditas arm like it was the only thing keeping you up his stomach twisted. Rage ran down his back.

When he didnt see that bastard Diego and didnt see you, his mind raced and he was about to go down the hall to kill that fuck when Dita grabbed him.

"You can't. It has to be me." She didnt have to explain. He knew why. It killed him to turn around and walk away from the situation as his mind let dark thoughts in of what he was doing to you.

He kept looking at you, he could see you trying to be brave but under the table your leg was shaking and you were fidgeting with your hands.

"Come outside with me baby" he leaned over so only you could hear him.

You looked over at him standing with his hand out. You were thankful. Did he just call you baby? It sounded good coming out of his mouth.

You took his hand. It was calloused and strong. It calmed you down almost instantly as he led you outside. When people saw him coming they almost fell over themselves to move out of your way.

The cool air felt good on your flushed cheeks. He let go of your hand and led you to the balcony. You leaned on it, embracing the night air.

"Its really beautiful out here, all things considered." You chuckled.

He looked worringly at you, "Thank you Nestor." You grabbed his arm.

Fuck, his name sounded so good in your mouth.

"You're welcome." He watched as you leaned against the balcony. He wanted to touch you, tell you, youre beautiful but after what happened thats not what you needed and he knew it.

-------------------

You stayed like that for awhile, in each other's silence. The muffled sound of the mariachis relaxing you.

You felt your eyes getting heavy.

"Dont get tired now its not even 1am yet." You looked over, surprised he noticed.

"Maybe we can just stay out here all night then." You smiled at him.

Fuck he would do just about anything you asked. Crawl on glass in the snow, change your oil, anything as long as you kept smiling at him like that.

"But it's probably best to go inside right?" You sighed.

"I think so."

You grabbed his arm as you walked in, holding onto him and keeping your eyes on the table.

Time passed and you struggled to stay awake, you leaned on Nestor's shoulder without thinking, you froze. He moved over to make you more comfortable, moving his arm around you but not too much. You snuggled in. Damn he smelled good too. You closed your eyes, feeling people looking. Fuck em.

You were stirred up by Nestor rubbing your upper arm "hey, hey, time to go."

You stirred, never really falling asleep but not present for the end. Everyone was filing out slowly.

Nestor was looking over to Miguel and Diego. He shook Miguel's hand. He didn't look away as he put his coat over your shoulders and walked you all out.

You noticed Emily smirking at you, making eyes at Nestor's jacket around you.

You tried to open your mouth

"-Ah." She cut you off. "You don't need to tell me anything." She smiled.

You smiled back, happily getting in the warm car and doozing on and off on the way home, catching Nestor look at you in the rearview mirror made you blush.

You all made your way inside as you felt the emotional fatigue of the day in your legs.

Nestor was waiting by the front door. Not for you it seemed. Just taking a moment.

"Can i be out here with you for awhile?" You asked, ready for him to say anything.

"Yeah."

"Thanks for tonight, for taking care of me."

"I know you can take care of yourself (y/n). I just didn't want you to feel alone out there." He spoke softly, sitting next to you.

You stared at his face for the first time it seemed. He was beautiful. You dared to glance down at his lips.

He followed your eyes. He wouldn't move qn inch on you tonight. He didnt want to chance pushing you but fuck did he want you so bad.

You weren't used to initiating, you could see he wanted you but wouldnt move. You closed the distance, stopping just short to see if he'd react.

His head just barely titled up towards you, you took it and kissed him, you being the one to take control felt good. You wondered if he was usually like this.

He was gentle and sweet and you found yourself appreciating it tonight. You grabbed his face and you deepened the kiss.

You felt brave and stood up and sat down to straddle him. He grunted in the back of his throat as you grabbed his braid he moved his hands to hold your thigh and ass.

The kiss slowed down and he smiled into it. You laughed, dropping your head into his shoulder, touching your lips.

"Wow uh-" you got off him, laughing with him.

"Yeah" he laughed, grabbing your hand. "Let's go inside."

He dropped you off at your room which felt cute and a little ridiculous. It was fitting.

Words failed you and it seemed to him, as well.

"Goodnight." He said softly again.

"Good night Nestor." You replied closing your door, silently congratulating yourself for not dragging him into your room.

Whatever, give it a week. You smiled.

[fics-not-tragedies]

Heart of a dog: One

Yes, another new fic; yes, I am absolutely nuts. Few spoilers from “Chapter One” ahead, mixed with puppy fluff (we all need some puppy fluff in our lives), sorta AU I’d say, because well we have Daisy in there ;)

SUMMARY: After making an advert in a newspaper John hires a dogsitter for Daisy.

- - -

Readers tag list:

@spookier-than-u; @sparrowsparrow; @magdazwolska; @mikaneonox; @derangedcupcake; @geostarr; @catsmieow; @wickedlangdon; @bodhi-black; @bugalouie; @onebatch--twobatch; @fandom-lover-4; @drunkonyellow; @semtempoirmaoo; @spadesandaces2342; @harrisongslimited; @a--1--1--3; @hhighkey; @lunilate; @i-cant-remember-my-old-login;

The house was quite outstanding compared to the ones she saw on her way here. It was standing on the sidelines, away from the main road; looked like the owner needed peace in his not so little safe haven. Those tall windows felt intimidating when she saw them, but most of them was covered in fairly opaque blinds stopping the outside world from interfering with the inside one.

His lawn was neatly trimmed, the juicy color of the grass showed that the owner was really taking care of everything or perhaps he had a bunch of people that do it for him. Two tall and sprawled trees were planted on each side of the concrete path that lead to the doors. Those were weeping willows, she knew them from the tree study she had to do back in the days she started her adventure with art.

She stopped by the entrance and lifted her hand, but flinched it away right before she could find the courage to knock at his door. There wasn’t any bell visible on the wall beside the entrance, so she had to announce her arrival the old school way. The lack of bell only stressed the fact that her perhaps-new-boss was a real fan of doing thing the old ways. Who writes an advert in a daily newspaper?

Of course he has to be old, not a single middle-aged man would post about his need for a dogsitter in a newspaper, they would simply made an online post in one of the advertising sites or in a dogsitting forum. It didn’t looked like there were many people waiting for their job interview.

There were no cars parked outside and it felt like she was the only one who ever responded to his advert. The old suitcase she was holding in her hand was becoming heavy, so she placed it on the ground right next to her feet.

With few deep breaths she finally found the courage to knock at the doors, the sound of her fist meeting the wooden entrance echoed in the hall. She took a step back, waiting for someone to appear in the door frame.

A face flashed behind the glass pane mounted in the wall by the doors and they opened, a tall man standing in the entry. He stepped out of the house and looked at the girl that was standing at his doorstep.

“Mister Wick?” she asked slightly confused, taking another step backwards and stumbling on the steps, waving her hands around her body, trying not to fall back, “Oh” she mouthed when she regained her balance. A small smile was dancing on his lips and he tried his best not to giggle out loud.

“Please call me John. You must be Audeline, it’s really nice to- Daisy no!” he shouted as the tiny Beagle puppy sprinted from between his legs and jumped onto the girl. Daisy was hopping on her back legs, while the front ones were patting Audeline's calf. Her tail was wagging back and forth, and she whined happily when the girl crouched, letting her lick her hand.

“She’s so cute!” she lifted the pup, taking it in her hands as she got back to a standing position. Daisy barked few times and moved to lick her face making her giggle out loud.

“Oh yes, she loves to lick people’s faces” John scoffed, as she gently patted the pup’s head, seeing how the little dog yawns and nests itself in her embrace.

With the puppy falling asleep in her arms Audeline finally had the time to take a better look at her owner. John was nowhere near the assumption of the old man she made at the beginning. His broad shoulders and arms that were barely fitting in the short sleeves of his T-shirt were the only things that she payed attention to right now.

A smile was still hiding in the corners of his mouth as his dark eyes were scanning her figure. She reminded him of Goldilocks, her thick, amber colored locks were tied partially at the back of her head with grey ribbon.

The way she held his dog, the view of her with Daisy in her arms pulled few strings in his heart and once again John felt things that withered in the moment his wife died.

“I think you’re hired” he mumbled out, their eyes meeting for the first time.

“You don’t have other candidates?” she wondered, the puppy snored a little, those cute noises making them both laugh. John picked up her suitcase and invited her inside with a gesture of his hand.

“Well… Daisy loves you and honestly- you were the only one that responded to my advert” they both walked inside the hall and he locked the door behind them.

“You’re kidding me?” she turned around to face him and he stopped in front of her. John just smiled, seeing how comfortable his dog feels in her arms.

“No, not at all.”

There was something diverse in the simplicity of her blue eyes. He saw thousands of blue eyes in his lifetime, but there was something about hers that was quite mesmerizing.

“Only one bag?” John asked her, placing the worn out suitcase onto his couch. She was wandering through the living room, looking out the windows, admiring the view, with the pup still hurdled up in her arms.

She turned around on her heel and walked over to him, “I have all I need right inside of it” when she smiled at him it felt like a ray of morning sun that shun right through his heart.

“I prepared a room for you, with a nice view, since you mentioned that you like to paint” there wasn’t anything he could do but simply smile back at her.

When they first talked on the phone she seemed too young for him, but he had to admit that she has the perfect hand for dogs and it looked like she was able to slightly melt his ice cold heart.

“I’d love to give you a tour of the whole place, but I have to go soon. Let me carry your luggage to your room, it’s the first one on the left” he smiled once again, then disappeared upstairs.

The small dog bed was placed by the couch and she gently placed Daisy onto it, observing how she stretched her legs a little and laid on her side, a variety of snores leaving her snout. Kicking off her Converse shoes, she grabbed them in her hand and wandered after John, then into the first room on the left.

Her suitcase was placed on the bed with sheets wrapped in flowery lining. It was brand new, because she noticed the tag that was hanging from one of the corners. After placing her fatigued shoes by the bed, she opened her suitcase and began to unpack it.

Main part of her baggage was compiled from variety of paint brushes in different sizes, few empty canvas, two pencil cases with pencils and crayons, a large sketchbook and few types of paints, along with the “1001 paintings you must see before you die” book. On the very bottom of it there were two dresses, another pair of Converse shoes, two blouses, skirt and few pieces of underwear mixed with socks.

The closet he prepared for her was enormous and absolutely unnecessary for those few pieces of clothing she owned. When she was done with placing her clothing there she noticed the huge desk that was placed by the windows. The top part of it was adjustable, so she could move it to various positions depending on what she was doing.

“Audeline?” John called her name and she slid across the wooden flooring in her socks, then took a step into the hall.

He was just simply standing close to he stairs, but it make her jaw drop nonetheless. Dressed in all black suit, with a duffel bag on his shoulder, he opened his mouth to say something, but when he saw the look she had on her face after she emerged from the room he snickered a little, but remained silent.

“Y-you, erm… going… work?” she mumbled out, rubbing her temple harshly and he had to bit his lower lip so he didn’t laughed out loud, making her feel even more awkward.

With his hair slicked back he looked even more stunning, the black attire he put on looked too good on him and she felt how her mouth started watering. She gulped down the lump in her throat.

“The dog food is in the cupboard above the sink, her leash is hanged by the doors. Don’t open if you’re not expecting anyone” his forehead scrunched a little like he was trying to remember all of the things he wanted to tell her, “Oh, and your keys are on your desk. I think we’ll get along after all” the corner of his mouth raised a little and he walked down the stairs, but suddenly stopped, like he wanted to have one last look at her, “Goodnight Audeline.”

“G-goodnight John” she blurted out and stood, like she was frozen in place.

The last bit of her that he saw while walking downstairs was the pair of her outrageously colorful socks and he couldn’t help but smile again.

She sprinted to the windows in her room, lifting the blinds, so he could watch John drive in his car from the garage. He stopped for a moment, looking up at her windows, seeing her figure pressed against the glass pane and when their eyes met John knew that she will play a bigger role in his life.

Maybe just like Daisy Audeline was sent to change his life somehow.

[aprilwritesabook]

I appolgize in advance for this long ass post haha.

Alright, so here's the deal. This post is gonna be part rant, part confessional, and part inspirational speech. So if your following this blog purely for the updates on my books you can skip it haha.

I know a currently published author. I used to kinda be friends with them in highschool, but it was more like a friend of a friend type deal. But I digress. Point is. They recently released there second book on Amazon. And I really wanna be happy and proud of them, and to see it as an inspirational thing, buuuuut I'm almost 100 sure they are actually a fraud?

And that's not me being bitter. I really really really wish this wasn't the case. But I have the evidence to back this theory up.

1- they claimed that there first book sold out multiple times. And to be fair this one might be at least partially true. Its rated pretty high on amazon, But then again they only have 4 people rate it and three of those people are the editor formattor and artist for the book. Soooo. Yeah I sure hope they rated it well.

2- they are constantly posting stories to there social media that are far fetched at best. They work in a bookstore. And almost every other week its a slightly diffrent story about a customer who "didn't even know" he was the author who would "burst into tears" the second he told them what the book was about because they were just Soooo touched by the message that they wept to a total stranger??? If that had happened even once it would have been an odd occurance. And this is something that apparently happens alllll the time to them. (I hate to drudge up old memes like this, but)

3- this person has recently made a tick tock and a youtube channel. And like, the content isssss questionable? And that's not necessarily a crime or anything. But they give updates about it on social media as if they are speaking to a mass of adoring fans and like...you can see how many subs and views a person has. We know he dosn't have a big fan base. And I know that sounds harsh. But like, some more gullible people have asked him for advise on how to be "successful" and "gain a following", and he answers them with authority. Like he has the answers even though he clearly dosn't? And that feels really... disingenuous at best?

4- along the same vein as 3. They recently made a post on twitter about how they are "overwhelmed by the amount of love and support they have found on the site" and how they get "some many heartfelt messages." Annnd again. I clicked the account. They literally have 5 followers. And not a SINGLE person has EVER liked, retweeted, or commented on a SINGLE tweet of theirs. Not one. Soooo like not only are you pretending to have a huge fan base that dosn't exist your also making up there engagement with you? Which this alone I feel brings validate to my doubts about the other things. Clearly they arn't above blatant lying and extreme over exaggeration. And also they either don't realize we can all seeeee these facts. Or they don't think anyone will actually check and call them on it ?????

Now there's a lot of other examples I could give. But my point isn't to put this ONE person on blast. I'm not trying to start beef or cause damage to their reputation or anything. Which is why I won't say their name or what there books are. The only way you'd know who I'm talking is if you also knew them in real life. In which case you either already know all this, or you should, so you don't fall victim to their lies.

The reason I'm saying any of this at all is because I think I know why they are doing it. And why so many indie authors or would be media mogels feel the need to do this.

The issue with trying to "build an audience" and "self market" yourself, is that you really only have 2 ways of guaranteed sucess.

You either need to have a pre established audience based on success you've already had in the past. (IE youtubers and movie stars writing successful books cause there fans will buy anything of there's reguardless.)

Or you need to buy your way in. Be it by quitting your day job to make social media your full time job, buying ads, hiring a social media person,or hiring a team of people with their own audiences (audio book narrators, cover artists, managers, ect)

And if you don't ALREADY have an audience, and you don't have the funds to BUY your way in, then your just gonna have to get real lucky.

You can be lucky for knowing somebody with an "in". They work in publishing, or advertising, or they're your rich uncle. Just someone who you can go to to get that boost one way or another to get one of the first two methods going for you.

You can get lucky by commenting the right thing on the right post and gaining followers that way. Or by being in the right place at the right time to meet somebody important.

You can be lucky by having lots of supportive friends and family who will promote you and your work FOR you.

Or lastly (and this is in the realm of being a one in a million case here. So it basically never happens without one of the other things I mentioned also being true.)

You can be lucky by working REALLY hard, and being REALLY talented, and having the world actually NOTICE YOU somehow? Just one person with influence who can find you in your dark hole of insignificance and shine a light on you so now the world can actually seee you.

And that sucks.

You could write the greatest book in the whole world. Truly a masterpiece. But if nobody buys it or reads it because they don't know who you are??? Then it dosen't matter does it?

It sucks Soooo hard.

Because untill you get those people with influence to shine a light on you, theres nothing you can do. And the market is soooooo drenched in new indie authors that the odds of the right people finding and liking your book are slim to none.

Its super unfair.

The people who have the influence arn't gonna buy a book with 0 reviews and no social media following.

Why? Because THEIR brand depends on only recommending the good shit. And they need to find that good shit NOW. If they read every book written by nobody's online, they'd have to wade through ALOT of garbage. wasting all their valuable time and money till they found something worthy. And honestly, from a business stand point, you cant really fault them for that

This is where the lies come from.

So basically no matter how you look at it, or what your strategy is, In order to get fans, you need to ALREADY HAVE THEM.

When your just starting out. And I mean truly at square one. It really feels like the only way to "make it" is to "fake it"

If you PRETEND to have a big following. And you PRETEND your books are selling really well already. And you PRETEND that people care deeply about you and your work... Then there is a chance that nobody will do the homework to find out its all a lie.

And if they think your successful already, then it sends a message to the consumers brains of "well they must be good. Everybody loves it/them".

It sucks that so many people who have found real success did so with lies, cash, and being already well connected.

And then they buy it, and they follow you, and the confirmation bias sets in, and eventually you'll dupe enough people into liking you that you don't HAVE to lie anymore.

Those of us with no cash and too high a conscious to lie our way to the top are left with virtually no chance of succeeding no matter how hard we work or how good our content is.

And I'm not claiming to be "better than" or "more worthy" than anyone else. I wanna make it clear that of your in the portion of having it fake it so you can follow your dreams then more power to you. Its a valid strategy. I hate that it works and I hate that its the only option sometimes. But I don't hate the people as creators for "doing what it takes." I get it. Really I do.

And it suckks major ass that so many people feel like this is the only way.

My whole point here. Is that we have slowly built a system where this is our reality. And honestly? End of the day? There's not a damn thing we can do to change it at this point.

In a perfect world made of unicorns and puppies. I could say "hey lets all go ready books by completely unknown authors. Be the change you wanna see in the world." But at the end of the day, especially in the unfiltered world of self publishing, It would be a complete shot in the dark to spend your resources on something completely unknown. We rely on word of mouth, and "best sellers" and high following to do the work of filtering out the bad stuff for us and it would be unrealistic if not impossible to go back on it now. Even if we wanted to there algorithms and shit built into the code. You'll never find the books that Amazon dosnt want you to find unless you search for it directly.

Now comes the confession/inspirational bit

I know all of the above to be true...But I'm choosing not to care

I'm not gonna lie my way to the top. I'm not gonna hide my struggles out of fear of seeming inferior. So here goes

I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety. I've been working on it, and I've gotten so much better in recent years. But there are always gonna be times when I slip up and my mental illnesses take over

When I was writing my first book I felt really empowered and good about myself for finally getting past all my own barriers and following my dreams.

And then once I was done writting and editing and I was ready to show the world and get feedback. I flopped.

I couldn't find anyone willing to beta read. Those who said they would do it (even people who claimed they "couldn't wait") ghosted me after I actually sent it to them

I was hoping to get 20 people. I really wanted it to be the best it could be. Only 11 actully signed up. Of that 11, 5 people actually read it: My spouse, my brother, my best friend, and 2 others. Those two others read the first bit I sent them, took a few weeks to get back to me, said they loved it, but then Neeeeeeeeever got back to me when I sent them the next chunk.

Now you can look at all that and come to the conclusion that it sucks. I know I sure did.

The struggles at each step made me doubt myself more and more to the point that I almost gave up writing all together.

And I didn't want to take about it or how it was making me feel, even though it was having a serious impact on me. I wanted to bottle it all up and let it consume me. Allllll because I didn't want people online to write me off as a failure before even giving me the chance.

I wasn't lying about being successful. I was just trying to hide the fact that I wasn't.

And that's almost as bad. Because then all the new authors just feel worse about themselves and their journey because they think they are the only ones.

Your not alone.

Everyone is struggling.

We just aren't talking about it.

I haven't written a word in over a week because I've been so afraid my second book will be dead on arrival like my first.

And I KNOW somewhere out there is someone just like me whose thinking of giving up.

Don't.

Just keep going.

Do your best. And then come find another struggling writer and share with each other. The world outside might not understand your struggle. But another author might.

We can't change the market. We can't change the way social media works, or how people decide if they will buy things

But what we CAN change, is whether those of us within the community want to be honest about our struggles and frustrations. Or if we want to hide them away and lie about them for the sake of making more sales

I think by being honest with one another we can create a better network.

That way the next time you feel like garbage for not being an "instant celebrity" like everyone else. you can look at the community and realize that you were never the problem

If we just keep making new writing friends our collective reach will eventually take hold in the outside world. Don't wait for a random influencer to notice you. Just make one friend at a time. Be known amongst your peers and maybe the rest will follow

And if your a writer desperate for feedback, or just a friend to share your troubles with. Hit me up. My inbox is always open.

[hereforaus]

Now Breathe || pt 2

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: bodyguard!jungkook , rebel!reader , numb!reader, smut, angst

“people invading your personal space is one of the top most annoying thing to ever exist on earth and your overprotective politician mother hiring a personal bodyguard for you didn’t help at all”

wordcount:5.7k

WARNINGS! : 18+ , foul languages, violence, mentions of bully, smut (on future episodes) 

A/N: I made a trailer of this fic for yall to watch [here] :))))) thankyou for the love that yall showered for the first part and i hope you like this one,,,:)

part 1

“MOM!!!” Your nose is literally flaring right now as if there’s gonna be smoke coming out of it in no time. Upon entering the house, you decided to head to where you’re most probably gonna find your mom, her little office.

“How was the concert sweet pea?” she said with that so sweet tone she use with you eversince you were young. Eyes never leaving the paper she’s been holding since you arrive.

“The concert? OH HELL SO LIT. The bodyguard you just hired permanently for me? AWFUL

“Tell you what, he’s the best in his job despite the age” she’s not even looking at you. Like she does not know the weight of her actions.

“For fucks sake”

“Language”

“But mom! Are you seriously gonna do this to me? You do remember the only thing I ask of you in exchange of behaving well and staying away from fights right? I just need privacy, that’s all I ask” You look defeated. Awfully defeated.

“Yes sweetie. I remember everything but I need you to do me a favor for now” for the first time she look at you, her eyes looking so tired under her glasses and you notice the dark circles under her eyes seemingly heavy. She needs sleep, she looks drained out of life. “I’ve been receiving death threats for the past few days. At first it was just me and I can take that, but just yesterday you’ve been included. Hell they even know your university, the dance classes you take and the gym you’ve been conducting your boxing sessions during weekends. I don’t want to force you to not go to these places anymore since I know you can’t do that so that’s the least I can do”

You understand her and you can be a brat sometimes but you love your mom above anyone else, seeing her like this hurts you too. She’s already tired from work, you can see that and thinking that she’s been stressing over the threats on you must’ve been horrible. You can’t imagine how distressed she is and you know that the only thing you can do is to not add from her worries therefore you abide.

“Yes mom, I understand. But can you please rest? I hate seeing you like this”

She smiled.

“I know you’re such an understanding person. I will rest in no time sweet pea, for now you should go to bed too”

“I will. I love you”

“You’re always a sweet kid. I love you too”

-

“Morning miss” he said right after you open the door of the car to your spot on the front seat. Oh yeah, your driver has been replaced too by no other than Jeon Jungkook. His presence irritate you more than you like to but the only thing you can do is to shrug it off, put your earphones on, blast something off a Childish Gambino song, and wait till you arrive to your school not even giving a glance to the person next to you.

You exited the car without any word, almost missing the little wave Jungkook gave you because the car door was slammed quickly right after you set foot on the school grounds.

-

“You WHAT?”

“You heard it right, I have my personal bodyguard now”

“Woah woah! so what’s gonna happen now?” Sometimes talking to Lea makes you tired. Aside from the nonstop talking she always do, she also always have lots of questions.

“I guess he’s gonna follow me around everywhere? I dont know really. I’m not gonna be surprised if he’s outside this classroom right now”

“That’s cool!!!”

“Oh yeah for you” and then she’s standing up. “Hey where are you going?”

“Outside. I’m gonna see your body guard”

She’s a headache.

You quickly hold onto her wrist and pull her back to her seat. “I didn’t say he’s actually there”

“I’m just kidding” here she goes with her grin again. She turn her body to her left, directly facing you and she position her left palm under her chin. “So, how does he look like? You know some private agents are hot, just like what I see in the movies”

He’s hot, not gonna lie. “He is almost balding and quite got a cute belly”

At that she slam her hands from her face to your desk. “Bad luck”

“It’s not bad luck love, it’s just that movies are the opposite of real life, and you little peanut, should let that sink in”

“I swear sometimes you got no jams”

“I’m just being realistic and i don’t give all my time fantasizing unlike you. Don’t you get tired tho? of being disappointed all the time?”

“No. Sometimes hoping is tiring but saves you from sadness” She’s the opposite of you in every ways, and maybe that’s why your friendship works out. They say opposite attracts afterall and similar repels.

Just in time, your prof walk in the class. By the sound of his morning greetings, you can tell that he must’ve had his favorite coffee for breakfast, no doubt his day has been great so far.

You could only hold your pen tighter, very ready to continue the poem you started last night. You were just waiting for him to start the class (Chemistry, your least favorite) so that you can already pretend that you’re taking notes from every nonsense that’s coming out from his mouth when suddenly there seems like an announcement.

“Okay class” he spoke with authority but you can only care less as you’re already so deep into the world of poem and words.

“We have a new friend here today. Please intoduce yourself now”

“Hello, my name is Jeon Jungkook and I hope we get along well”

You shook your head. What’s up with boys named Jungkook nowadays and not just that they sound similar too… WAIT… they’re actually similar!

Upon realizing this, you snap your head to the front only to see Jeon Jungkook, your personal bodyguard, in all his glory, wearing the same uniform as all the other guys in that room, his beaming face earning coos from all the girls, right then and there you realize that your situation… couldn’t get any worse. In no time he’s gonna be your boxing coach too, at the same time sparring partner, maybe he’s gonna be one of your dance mates too. Great.

After his short speech that left everyone a fan of him for sure, he made his way to the vacant seat beside you. Of course he will, what did you expect?

“Hi mate”

You can only sigh at this.

“Hi creep”

“Bad morning?” you’re getting tired of his voice already.

“You know better than anyone else” you took off your eyes from your notebook for a while to look at him directly. “Do you want me to sit on your lap now? I think that’s the only thing left to do, is it?” This is gonna be an endless banter and you can smell it. Seeing that he can’t seem to find out how to use his mouth to speak, you return your eyes to your notebook not missing a roll of it upon doing so.

Just like that, Jungkook was left wide eyed, his expression quickly changing into that of a cocky one and a smirk soon followed suite. He’s gonna love his job for sure.

-

“Isn’t he cute?”

“Every single one here is cute for you Lea, stop speaking and eat your food already”

“This is different. He’s cute and hot Y/N and I think he likes you”

You lift your head and eyes from your food in order to look at her dead in the eyes, a true indication for her to just shut up and eat her food already. The school cafeteria is packed and noises from different groups of people can be heard. She nod her head behind you, a gesture that made you look over your shoulders. And you saw him. Who else but him.

“He does not like me okay? I can tell you that. So now let’s eat peacefully yeah?”

“I mean he’s been checking you out even earlier at class, you’re the first one he laid his eyes into”

You hissed.

“Okay I’ll shut up”

Finally.

-

“Our way to dance class miss?”

“Yes” you said, voice plain. “and please call me Y/N”

“Y/n” he repeated. Your name tasting good coming from his mouth.

“Yes you creep, hurry up or i’ll beat you up if I get late”

Soon after, the only sound in the car that can be heard is the list of songs from Amy Winehouse’s album called Frank and even though you know that it’s not a normal thing to be hearing from someone your age, you couldn’t care less. Halfway through the drive you urge yourself to speak, this question has been lingering on your mind for quite some time now.

“Tell me, what else did you do aside from entering the same school as mine and the same class too like a creep?”

“Don’t worry, nothing else”

“That’s a surprise”

“You know what, you have to treat me as your friend now, your mother told me to treat you as one cause you don’t get along with our kinds so it’s better if we can just be friends or something”

“I’m not friendly so you can scratch that thought already”

“Who hurted you to be like this?”

Jungkook didn’t mean it the hard way but as soon as you process his words, your mind goes blank. You immediately snap your head to his direction, thankfully enough he isn’t looking at you because his focus is on the road. He can see you from the corner of his eye but not entirely. He failed to see the look of vulnerability in your eyes that only three person in this world has seen. First your mom, second Lea, and third, your dad…

-

“Pull over”

“What?” Jungkook looks confused.

“I said pull over”

He did.

You got out of the car and opened the door to the driver’s seat where Jungkook is currently seating.

“Get out”

“No I can’t”

“I said get out, let’s exchange seats”

He obeyed.

No other words was exchanged because soon, you’re speeding up to somewhere he cant pinpoint where.

-

“Let’s have a deal”

You’re now inside the gym, a boxing ring located in the very front of it.

“What kind of deal this time?” Jungkook is now walking beside you.

“You’ll find out”

Soon enough there are two guys in front of you, beaming.

“Y/N!” Hoseok said, his eyes resembling that of crescent moons while making his way closer to you for a hug in which you complied to immediately. Seokjin also did the same resulting to a group hug that almost suffocates you. You love them, oh you surely does.

“Did I hear Y/N” you heard yoongi from a far following some footsteps that you can tell is headed towards you.

“Yoongi”

“Why are you here? You don’t come during weekdays” he said with slight amusement in his tone. Only you can get to stir up an emotion from him and that, you consider is your legacy.

“I needed to let out so badly. Do you have clothes for this guy?” you gesture towards Jungkook. The guy now in spotlight looking lost for a while but soon composed himself trying not to look dumb in front of the unfamiliar but quite intimidating faces.

Yoongi nodded, gesturing for jungkook to follow him while Seokjin and Hoseok produces baffling noises from excitement. You headed to one of the lockers owned by Seokjin to get some clothes that you left there purposely as a stock for emergencies like this. When the both of you had changed into gym clothes, Yoongi was quick to hand the gloves and head gear to the both of you.

“Yoongs, we’re not gonna be using that” Yoongi can only smirk. He knows more than anyone else in that room what’s going on inside your mind right now and the mere thought is enough to produce a smirk to his face.

You’re quick to head to the ring slightly bending your body forward to fully enter it. Less to your surprise Jungkook is still standing with the 3 boys.

“Hey creep! Get in here. We have a deal to finish” He does not need to be told twice because within seconds, he’s already in front of you. “If you win, you’ll get me to comply to one thing that you want me to do but the other way happens when I win. Sound fair?”

“Rules?” He does not back out from challenges.

“Freestyle match” The three guys can’t help but shout from excitement upon hearing this from you. If there is one thing to describe you, it is that you’re a beast inside the ring specially if there are no rules. Truth be told you’re not as serene as you appear to be, never. Eversince you were 11 (the time when you discovered that there’s a thing called punching bags and you can actually not use it because there’s a thing called sparring matches too) you were always involved in fights. Be it when Lea was once bullied by two guys because of her pigtails, in which those poor boys ended up with a broken nose and missing teeth and your first record from the guidance office or when you got pissed off by a random girl because she tried to act almighty in front of you attempting to trip you once when you were on your way to the table you share with Lea in the cafeteria (she ended up transferring schools after that because of an almost broken jaw which resulted to a workload of compensation money and letters from your mother).

After that incident, no one, not a single lost soul has dared to touch you or Lea. It’s not because of what you did but because of what more you can do. You being an asshole of a warfreak isn’t the only case because you act like you have nothing to lose, and that is the scariest thing about you. Well that’s not totally true because you have your own weaknesses, everyone does, but you will never let anyone know about that. The more they know, the higher chance they can take advantage of you. You believe that the more you expose yourself, the more you show fragileness and looking vulnerable in front of someone is scary. For you, not being able to lay flat all your emotions on the table is better than people having the chance or ability to hurt you. So just like that, you almost forget how it feels like to feel and it does not make living any better or easier because choosing to abandon your emotions is like entering the space. It’s like you’re just a floating thing on space, just there but do not actually has a purpose. Like you’re existing but you’re nothing.

You grew up like that. No idea on how to actually express your feelings other than through couple of punches. You would come to the gym every weekend to let out anything you’ve been keeping inside once in a while. You grew fond of the three boys that own this gym. They’re actually the only breathing human being with balls that can get along with you right from the start because at some point, the four of you are not far from same. You never have stopped being involved in fights but you do everything in your power to keep yourself away from it specially if you’re inside the school grounds.

Occasionally you would go home with purple bruises on your face. There is this one time when you happen to stumble to a couple of girls on your way back home from grocery with an ice cream on your left hand. The three of them looks like some gals your age, enjoying the freedom of youth, seemingly broke out of their wits because of clubbing plus cigarettes and alcohol. That time wasn’t the time for girls like you to be out in a dangerous city like seoul with no company of a male friend or relative but the three of them didn’t seem to mind it as they walk towards you, looking as if they can swallow you whole with their over manifestation of eye mascaras just so to look fierce and to have the “im young and wild and free so don’t touch me” vibes. You ignore them as you’re already trying to pass through them, a girl with blonde shoulder length hair and a bubblegum being chewed in his mouth grabbed your right wrist. At first you look at her, carefully scanning her features and you gave her a sweet and innocent smile but the looks she gave you in return screams something between the lines of “you should beg on your knees right now” as if the bubblegum on her mouth isn’t the cliché-est thing you’ve seen through out your whole life. You weren’t really planning on picking up on those girls and you’re already building an invisible bubble consisted of the substance called patience around your brain when halfway through talking them out of the situation, the girl slapped your left hand causing your favorite ice cream that took you a lot of effort to buy from the market to be shove out of your hand and to the floor. The moment you saw the ice cream meeting the dirt on the ground, you let out a scowl. If those girls knew you, they should’ve known better than stand there and continue the mocking expressions on their faces just from the sound of your snort but they don’t know you and they don’t know what they’re getting themselves into. So you lost it. The bubble patience wore out and the only thing left was raging anger. Needless to say, they must’ve stayed away from clubbing for 2 months after that incident because you’re sure as hell, one of them was on the brink of losing her eyeballs from a jab you did that ended up straight to her face. You’re not dangerous, you always say that to yourself but you’re always proven wrong whenever you can’t control yourself from wanting to punch just anything in front of you.

Hoseok, Seokjin and Yoongi knows how to calm you down by now. Seokjin being the most caring among all of them has been your exclusive doctor for years now. He would always have his first aid kit checked for empty bottles of disinfectant or pain killers, he can’t afford to run out of them because he can’t afford to see your wounds too. Yoongi has been the only trainer who managed to keep up with your temper whenever you would go overboard because of a specific bullshit in your life. Hoseok have long since learned how to catch your jabs and not get injured whenever the two of you would go sparring, he’s your long life partner, you can’t thank him enough.

Going back to the current situation, you look at Jungkook straight in the eyes, examining if there’s uncertainty on them but much to your surprise, you found none. You realized he’s just as stubborn as you and you can deal with that. “The game ends with a pin. Aside from that, you can do whatever during the match. Are we deal now?” You can feel your insides starting to heat up.

“This is gonna be great” he said in response “but don’t forget that i’m your body guard with a reason y/n, are you sure you want to do this?”

You can’t tell whether he’s being worried or being cocky but you don’t have time to dwell on that any longer. “Let’s see and find out for ourselves shall we?”

“You shouldn’t take her slightly kid” Hoseok knows what to say. He flashes Jungkook one of his blinding smiles.

“That’s Jungkook for you” And then the match started.

The first 2 minutes was spent blocking each other’s attack by hands. Majority of your antics was quickly avoided by him. He’s much stronger and well built than you, you can tell because of the times you lay your hands on his shoulder through out the fight that his muscles aren’t one to mess with. You would attack him countless of times but he won’t do the same for you. You can tell that he’s taking you easy. “Remember our deal. You won’t like it if I win” You said in between attacks.

“Who said i’ll let you win”.

tension

He’s now lurching forward. Left fist attempting its first contact to your face. missed. You grab his left arm still positioned in the air from the previous attack with your right hand. Pulling it towards you, he stumbled forward. Then a kick from your left knee to his torso followed. First hit.

The sound of skin grazing and making contact to each other came to a halt when the both of you paused. Jungkook has taken your left arm behind you by now. His left hand tangled in it with a force. His other arm came wrapped on your neck. Your whole body is aginst his. You can’t move.

Smell of sweat mixed with both your scents is strong in the air. The sound of Jungkook’s ragged breathing filled your ears and the feeling of his wet skin against yours overwhelmed your body.

A kick on the back of your knee sent you to the ground. Coming face to face to him, he hovered over your body. But before he can perform his next moves, you inch your face close to him, your arms made its way around his neck, and then your lips came in contact with each other causing his mind to shut down, eyes wide with the sudden move. 1…2…3…, before he can even comprehend anything, you broke the kiss. Your left knees swayed forward to his lower region. He growled in pain, it caused him to lay crouching on his back, instinctively holding his private part because of the electrifying pain. Then the last move you go, pin.

-

Right after the match ended, you bid your goodbyes with your good friends then you hop to the driver’s seat of your car, your mom’s car. Jungkook was quick to enter the car.

Both of you stayed silent. Jungkook seemingly deep in thoughts because of earlier and you, focused on the road. Jungkook does not have an idea where you’re heading to and by the looks of you, the destination is far from reach so he decided to break the silence.

“So… the deal”

“Yeah the deal” you tap your tumb on the stirring wheel repeatedly before continuing what you has to say “I need you to do this one thing”

“As long as it does not meddle with my work, i’m more than willing to obey”

“Sure” pause “ I need you to lie”

“W-what?”

“I know the system Jeon. You’re my bodyguard, and everyday you send a report to my mom. I’m not dumb”

“If you know the system then you should also know that I can’t lie to your mom because loyalty is a part of my job”

“Your job is to protect me Jeon. You’re my bodyguard and you also have the responsibility to be loyal to me. Besides, you lost the deal so you don’t really have a choice”

“What exactly do I have to lie to?”

“Maybe we have to rephrase that. You don’t need to lie, you just need to skip some details”

“Please be more specific maam” he released a scoff

“Follow me”

—

The both of you ended up in front of a seemingly abandoned, four story high building somewhere in the most secluded part of Seoul where only the most dangerous people who’ve been feared by normal citizens are able to walk on the streets at night. Jungkook can tell from observing the place on your drive up to here that the whole area isn’t a place that a normal person would visit or would plan to. Majority of the buildings around are abandoned and graffitied. There aren’t much streetlights and the houses are small, murky and right next to each other, not to mention, litters are everywhere.

You opened the pealing door surrounded by iron chunks that reveal the interior of the skyscraper you just entered. The ground floor displayed the presence of nothing that even doors separating the multiple rooms are missing. The whole floor is mainly consisted of thick dusts and the very few slightly dimmed flickering lights that is only enough to aluminate the pathway to the stairs. Jungkook kept following you from behind, both your steps leaving an echo through out the place. You made your way down to the underground and upon your second step from the stairs, you halt causing Jungkook to do the same. You turn your face to the side.

“Watch where you’re going Jeon” then you gestured to his feet. Just then, he notice a very thin thread that is almost invisible to him. He carefully took his next step, doing his best not to touch the thing.

“Is that supposed to kill me?” he point his finger to the thread.

“That’s connected to a land mine” you said, voice filled with seriousness

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?! What if I didn’t stop there? I might be roasted right in this moment!” He look at you straight in the eyes, looking angry for a moment. The silence lingered in the air as the two of you seemed to have an intense staring contest going on… but what Jungkook didn’t expect was when you burst out laughing. You’re crouching down, holding your stomach and a tear took its place on the corner of your eye threatening to drop at any moment while your giggle filled the room.

“Connected to a land mine” you repeat your words from earlier while doing your best not to end up laughing again. “There’s no such thing as that Jeon. That will just alert someone down here” and then you continue your steps, ignoring Jungkook’s dumbfounded look until you’re standing in front of a room. You entered a code to open the lock on the door and upon entering the only room that seems to be gifted with colors other than gray, Jungkook saw a man slumped on one of the tables, his whole surrounding consisted of computers lined up next to each other, codes on green font appearing then disappearing on them,some computer showing the situation of each room on the building from a camera installed on the corners of it. He definitely didn’t expect any of these.

“Joon” Upon hearing his name, Namjoon jolted from his seat, almost knocking the coffee lying on his left side. Upon recognizing the source of the voice, he wiped his tired eyes, hazily grabbing the glasses on his head and repositioning it so it rests on his nose.

“Y/N” Namjoon is beaming now although you can hear the exhaustion tainting his voice.

“How’s it going?“

“Few codes and I can access his computer already. Actually I didn’t expect this to be risky. Their system is protected with a security software that would alert their main computer if someone is trying to manipulate their pseudonyms. Good thing I found out about it sooner, we almost got caught there” you hum in response, just by then, Namjoon noticed the shadow behind you, he found a nameless man looking slightly dumbfounded gazing back at him. “You didn’t tell me that you’ll be inviting a guest today. Mind if you introduce him?”

“Oh yeah. He’s Jeon Jungkook. My bodyguard” They both eyed each other. Few seconds later Namjoon decided to direct his glance at you, his left eyebrow scrunching up as if to silently ask you what’s going on.

You decided to speak again. “He asked me about the thing that he should lie to. So here it is, I’m showing him the one and only thing that he can never tell my mother because once she knew about this, it’s gonna be over for the two of us”

Fact.

“Wait” Jungkook spoke for the first time. “What exactly is this?” he gestured his hands around.

“You’ll understand this soon once Namjoon finishes his job” You threw a smile on Namjoon. Not a second later, he’s getting back to his work, hands tirelessly typing out words that even you can’t quite figure out. He worked with three computers, constantly switching from time to time.

10 minutes passed, only the sound of Namjoon slamming his fingers on the keyboard and the nonstop clicks from the mouse can be heard. You waited for 1 more minute until Namjoon decided to hit the enter button more loudly than the rest to signal the end of his reverie.  

“Off you go y/n” he removed his glasses. Lying it on his table, he turned back to you and Jungkook to flash you another smile that shows off his deep dimpled cheeks. “Lotus club. I traced the location of his phone and he’s currently there. I also hacked on the cctv of the club a few days ago and I found out he goes there often to get wasted and bring home some girl he can have a good time with on his bed. I need you to do something to get this task 75% done” he pause for a minute, his gaze switching between you and Jungkook. “We need to install something on his phone” he then pull out a small card in between his fingers.

You know what he’s implying already, you’ve done this before on one of your missions and you’re more than excited to do it again. You scurry your way to Namjoon, snatching the micro card on his fingers with a flick.

“Got it pal” then you’re off with Jungkook.

[moonlitcreachur]

<rant> 95% of items at ross have hard tags and i started purposely “accidentally” cutting myself with them because....i dont know. im very upset at my job. and its not because i dont like working. one of the mod’s is constantly berating me. ill be put on register all day and also single-handidly responsible for the entire juniors and women’s clothing section (which is more than half the store), and timed on every customer checkout at the register, i work so much faster than half my peers, but because i was only trained for literally 5 minutes i need to wait for the mod to help with unique situattions i wasnt trained on, on top of that running around the store for price checks in the middle of checking out a customer...while i am still being timed. an then berated for not knowing details i wasnt trained on. i told her i wasnt trained on any of that but she stills constantly berating me. top of that i dont get home until 2 am. they make you stay an hour after your shift is supposed to end  nearly ten hours of work. i hate this dumb ass job but every time i want to quit i get cold feet. no matte what i cant be working this job when school starts because they wont let me change my schedule. im trying to find another job no where is hiring anymore and the few hiring dont even interview me or ask me to work in fucking west hollywood or culver city. </end-rant>

[myunknownsource]

Parental Alienation

Hello,

 I am sure you're curious what this would bring you to. And I would love to get right to the point. TLDR at the bottom.

Ronee (candle-jacked) told you all a bunch of lies. The first one being that her ex had abandoned them in October. We had their son for Christmas 2 months after he supposedly abandoned them. We didn't even start dating until December.. And then she told you that he called her on new years eve to tell her they needed to break up even though they had been broken up for many many months at this point. Trust me he was extremely occupied new years eve. The only reason I can think she thought they were together was because at some point before we started dating his roomates girlfriend at the time was thinking about leaving and getting her own place and he wanted to see if Ronee would be open to the idea of him, her, their son, and his other roommate in getting a place. He only wanted to do that so it was easier for him to see his son. He ultimately changed his mind when he was skeptical of her getting a job and pulling her weight evenly, which had never really happened well in the past, the only time it did money was held over his head while he watched and took care of their son. Justin and I started dating at the beginning of December after dating for 2-3 weeks in November. We hit it off extremely well and seeing that we have been together for 4 years says a lot. I’m sure you all know and support someone who started their relationship extremely quickly and if you're ok with that it would be very hypocritical of you not to be ok with this. Which is exactly why I didn't quite understand why Ronee herself freaked out when her entire relationship with justin not only started while she still had a boyfriend but it became a sexual relationship before they were ever bf and gf. Not that I would ever care or judge something like that. I think the next lie we can talk about would be the “paramour”a lover, especially the illicit partner of a married person” shit. Justin and Ronee weren't married, they were not engaged, they weren't even dating.  Its just yet another spiteful name she felt the need to call me, alongside bashing my sexual history (which seems pretty anti feminist to me) as well as telling people I sold my body for money (i wouldn't have even been 18 so lets thank god thats not true) and that i frequently fist fought my mother and my brother, also not true you can literally ask them lol. I have an amazing relationship with my mother who i was actually just visiting in AL where they moved and my brother who just got back from fighting for your freedom just left my house like 2 hours ago. SO yeah. 

Another lie she told me herself when she was trying to get me to turn on Justin was that they were engaged when we started dating. Did she tell you guys about that or just me? Apparently because she didn't like traditional rings she didn't have one to prove it to me because he was designing one specifically for her.. Im sorry guys and no offence to justin but he doesn't care about stuff like that, its weird for him and I have come to accept that. Now on the other hand if she had told me that he asked her to design it I would have maybe believe her because thats more his style. She also told you guys his own family disowned him, that isnt even close to true. She even tried to say it was because I assaulted his sister? Whos was a minor at the time and still is now. SOO lets poke some holes in this story shall we? Justins mother and I are arguing about who knows what, I really cant remember and her daughter is behind her on the stairs (im in the basement with justin) the argument is getting heated and Donna (justins mother) decides to come about 15ft forward until there's about 3ft between us. (his sister is still on the stairs) but apparently mid argument I freak out and punch his sister? Whos 20ft away from me, past his mother? Maybe Ronee can clear that up for us. On top of that if I assaulted a minor that would have been an easy instant phone call to the police and I would have a very easy to find record in Missouri. Yet I dont. Because that didn't happen. Also why did we move back in with Donna when we had to abruptly move to missouri per instructions from our GAL (mareks lawyer from the courts) because otherwise Ronee would get the visitation she wanted which was supervised (though she had no evidence to be granted that) for 4 hours a few times a month. Despite the fact that we lived 4 hours away. Anyways, where were we? Ahh yes. Donna welcomed us into her home because at the time we were her chance at seeing their son (her grandson). I got a semi sincere apology from her for punching me in the face that night and we moved on from it, becasue im a good person. Ronee still says his family hates him but lets do a headcount. Justin, his brother, his mother and his sister, also 2 cousins. WHo doesnt like Donna? Justin, his brother, and his 2 cousins because they all also know what their parents told them about their shitty aunt. Even Ronee herself said she was a shitty mother and that Diane was there for justin more than his mom. 

Now its time for court. Ronees lawyer approached us. We found out that had we not shown up the judge would have granted what Ronee wanted (the 4 hours supervised a few times a month) which is funny because when justin called Diane (Ronees mother) she boasted how she wouldn't let Ronee take Marek away if justin couldn't make it and wouldn't let Ronee do the supervised visits because she knew he was a good dad. BULLSHIT lol. He also specifically asked us to not talk to her about what we wanted in the visitation plan because when we did she would call him crying about how she didnt want Justin apart of anything…. HE TOLD US HE DIDNT WANT TO DEAL WITH HER BS TOO! Eventually we hired a cheap lawyer who we were told wasn't the best but at this point her lawyer won't communicate with Justin even though he was representing himself and we needed someone who could file these documents when we couldn't. We had to explain to the GAL that justin hadn't seen his son in over a year and we had to show him the texts we had from a prepaid phone to Ronee where she REFUSED to let Justin talk to his son for unknown reason (jk we all know why) and he ordered that we get him that day and would start an every other weekend schedule until things got worked out with the courts. She sent her mother to bring hsia son that day and this woman has the audacity to tell Justin that this all could have been avoided. 

But I think one of the most important pieces of information I can give you is that Justin has tried to pay her support for the last 9mo-12mo after he had to quite the job where his money was being garnished. We have the venmo receipts after it took her 5 months to finally agree to accept payment from, then he was laid off for 3 months per his work contract which we also have on file and he sent her about ⅓ of what he was ordered to pay (he had no job and he sent her most of the spending money he got that I budgeted for each of us from my paychecks) about half way through his lay off he asked her something about how he thought it would be a good idea if she reported the CS payments every 6 months to the CS office. It would have been free but she was the only one who could do it. It wasn't even a demand but a suggestion that could have been talked about, we legitimately thought we had finally rounded a curve and we all could start co parenting together, but apparently he wasn't aloud to give her suggestions because she blocked him on venmo, went off on him on talking parents (the app she forced him into using despite the fact that shes in contempt of court for doing that) and specifically told him she would never report the money. We also have snips of that convo if you guys want it. Justin hasnt talked to his son in about 6 months. The few times he “has” it doesnt sound like a 9 yo and its demeaning things that Ronee herself has said in the past. About a month ago he got a call from Marek and was actually getting somewhere after he started to explain things to him. He even told his son about how in June he was parked in front of his house to get him for his 2 week summer vacation and Ronee hadnt let him get him and his son told him in a very said voice that he never knew that. Then the line went dead. Ronee texted from his sons phone saying this isn't the time to talk about that and hes been blocked ever since. 

TLDR; Ronee Halsey (candle-jacked) is abusing her power as a co parent with my fiance and abusing their child through parental abuse. 

P.S. I know I will receive backlash from her closest friends who think they know the story and thats ok because I cant sit here for one more minute while she gets away with this(I will block you though). I would be more than happy to supply everyone with any and all evidence I have. 

P.P.S OMG I almost forgot the worst part. Ronee decided one day she was going to accuse Justin of abusing their son. I knew it was going to end up happening (i grew up with a dad who had a high conflict ex wife) so every single time we picked up and dropped off their son i would discretely ask him to pose for pictures either by himself or with me or his dad. Not even Justin knew I was doing this but thank the lord I did. Because Ronee Halsey crossed that line you should never cross and accused someone of actual physical child abuse. But because shes a mother in the state of MO nothing came of it. Despite the pictures I sent to her lawyer and the GAL he supposedly met with their son and he came to the conclusion that he did infact have a black eye and busted lip but he got it while wrestling his dad. DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY PICTURES OF HIM WITHIN MINUTES OF GETTING IN AND OUT OF M Y CAR FOR THAT WEEKEND SHOWED HE DIDNT HAVE A SINGLE MARK ON HIM. The saddest part is that when I recorded the conversation Justin had with Marek the next weekend he told Justin that he never saw or felt pain from them, he said his mother told him they weren't the kind he could see. I will gladly send snips from those emails to you guys. 

@chewybitart @notlemha @karygurl @sushichan24 @eagleoverlord @thementalwayfarer @angelsdoexist @saltwaterhermit @candle-jacked

[sketchesandnonesense]

I feel bad only doing original posts when i wanna post art or vent but my Twitter is my new Random Thought Dumping Ground so if you want more of that go find me at @NonsenseSketchy

now

onto the Whining

it feels like my mental health has taken a nosedive this past week. I’m constantly anxious even if there’s no reason to be and I get so mad at myself when I spend the day not working on anything. people keep telling me it’s good to take a break but it doesn’t help because I’ve been “taking a break” for almost a fucking month

I feel like im just disappointing everyone, not getting my game done not getting LARP prep done not getting Cosplay stuff done not getting a job for in the meantime while the factory i got hired at still can’t bring me on because they dont have any openings right now and this all could’ve been fucking avoided if I just didn’t drag my feet on abandoning that stupid fucking subway.

I keep feeling bad because things that used to make me happy are leaving me so fucking empty and when i finally found something that got me invested again I slowly started feeling bad about it because I wasnt paying attention to other things as much because of it

so, i dont feel like playing anymore. because it feels pointless and a waste of time. I dont even need to get told that anymore. I just know from the way they act when I’m playing it that they think it’s stupid.

and as we all know, half my enjoyment of things comes from others’ perception of it.

because my brain has had it fucking ingrained in me that what other people think is incredibly fucking important. Even when it’s not supposed to even when people tell me to not care it doesn’t fucking work because I know it’s a goddamn lie. What other people think of you is everything. The world’s perception of you is important. especially today and on the internet.

I’m constantly battling my imposter syndrome and it feels like it never lets up because on top of all the stupid useless projects I get myself into I also have the projects and things I get let myself get entrenched in because of other people and I’m falling apart at the seams. 

between the anxiety and depression and my reclusive introvert streak idk what to fucking do

I can’t get any work done on my fucking game because i can’t work at all really

I keep getting myself in over my head

i was so fucking close to being done but I fucking piled abunch more fucking work on top of the work i have to remake and re-do because I got so fucking anxious over what other people would think of my stupid fucking game. I end up paralyzed with fear over whether what I make will even be any good, anxious over the stupid workload I’ve put on myself. I fret over what I need to do to make a “good” game. Because lowkey, even though i wish i didnt care and i wish this could just be a project for me again, if I don’t get enough love for my game I’ll probs break alittle. asking for help with game design and bug fixes gives me anxiety like a motherfucker because i feel stupid every time I see somewhere I fucked up with a typo or with a bug that I should’ve caught. n sometimes people straight up start trying to give me game dev advice when they have no idea what I’m working with here and the workload some of those suggestions might bring. and I feel awkward if I don’t every single scrap of critisizm i get because I’m terrified somehow I’ll get some reputation as a bitchy gamedev who cant take critisizm n is too narcisistic to see her game is total shit

bluh

I’m gonna go drown my sorrows in soda pop and youtube

[wordsfromme4]

Between the ages of 17-21, Instead of doing my life exactly as I wanted. I settled and stupidly adopted an “adult” mentality to just settle and take life and deal. I didn’t want to burden my family, pretty much my mom and sister, because I was very well aware of the fact that I came from a low income single parent household. My first job was the catalyst for a horrible traumatic spiral of pain and misery for my life, that I then lost my way for so long. I lost my sense of self confidence, ambitions, everything. I let myself stay while trying to find something else, at only the age of 18, where honestly at that age I should’ve been able to be as fickle and childlike as anyone should be able to. I was still young, and I should’ve allowed myself to be. So I spent months until in desperation, when the first new job came my way, I took it and bolted out from that horrid place because that was the adult thing to do. I didn’t know that one can leave a job without a back up if the job is that painful for one to work at. So now I’m at the 2nd job, and it turned out to be a nightmare for me as well. Not in the same exact as the first, but I have trauma from it too. On top of the fact that, they fired me due to my inability to perform as a top employee during the probation period. However, if im being fair, I really tried. The first month of my working there, I was still trying to adjust myself to the new job and new format on top still trying to heal from the prior months of trauma, so I wasn’t always on time. They only allowed for a 2 minute grace period and I had came from a job that was so dysfunctional, they didn’t care what time you came in because they were always going to ask me to stay an extra hour or so past my time anyway. I was never horrendously late, anywhere between 10-30 minutes would occur. Yet, I would almost always stay anywhere between 30 minutes to an 1 and a half even past the time I was scheduled for. So of course now coming into a new job, I had to fix this pattern but it took me a little time. I started to adjust afterwards but by the end of the 3rd month I ran into a new issue where I was going back to school for the fall semester and I had numerous instances in the week for about 3 weeks where I either had a call out or lateness because I could no longer do the original schedule they gave me when they hired me for the summer. Finally by about the end of September after haggling them about it and reminding them and just back and fourth they gave me an appropriate schedule I could work with but a few days later, after evaluating my performance overall, they fired me. That devastated  me, because 1, who wants to get fired from a job and 2, I already had so much Trauma from the earlier months within that year. so I fervently searched for a new job while stretching the financial aid check during the last couple of months of 2012. I didn’t want to look irresponsible or childish or go a long period without a job to then have to rely on my mother or sister to financially take care of me and for them to feel bothered or burdened by it. So I was jumping for joy, when once more the first job that called me in for interview, offered me the job. Duane Reade was meant to be temporary, a job to help me get back on my feet after 2012 was a year of horrible experiences. ( One more horrible experience happened at the end of that year but it’s not job related so I won’t go into the details. Once again, I struggled adjusting. My main focus was school, especially since the fall semester was such a prosperous one for me. I received all A’s and made the dean’s list and it made me feel so good, like I was my old self still. Anyway, the first few months were tumultuous  handling my spring 2013 semester( which was a fairly decent one, I still made dean’s list) and had fieldwork during the day to do for the one education class I had taken. The staff was okay for the most part, I was grateful that they weren’t hood and horrible like the staff at my first job. I had an interview for bath and body works in the fall of that year and I was almost in and everything, the manager just needed my managerial reference to come through. I had kennedy ( the one decent manager I had from burger king) on there, however, he kept not picking up the phone. She asked if I had another manager possibly to speak to, and of course century was out of the question. something in me felt like I couldn’t really use them since they were the ones that fired me and also because I didn’t really have a manager there, I had like 8 managers and not one that actually knew me. So I used my current head manager, and although he talked me up and secured me the job, he stabbed me in the back shortly after. He bought up my wanting to leave and convinced me to stay. I already had the hardship or my last two jobs, especially Century, that I feared possibly being out of work. He seriously made me fear leaving and said that they might not work with my school schedule, and that once I leave, I cant come back to this store. So I conceded because he was a selfish jerk.... staff wise...  There was a girl there who really had a mood swing issue that made it difficult to work with her at times, as well as an shift leader/assistant manager who I strongly disliked for his childlike demeanor, insensitivity and just overall eww-ness. I will never forget how on one particular day I had diarrhea and instead of allowing me to go home after telling him I wasn’t feeling well, he sent home another co-worker of mine for either not being prepared for work that day or for disrespect. So you would rather keep a sick employee at work and send a unprepared and/or disrespectful one home? I hated conflict so much, so me speaking up more than the two times that I did, wasn’t something I was trying to do. So I grin and bared through the day. Guess what happened that night? About maybe an half an hour or an hr before my shift was done, I accidentally had a little accident and had some poop in my underwear from a leak that came out before I could make it to the bathroom. So that night with uncomfortable underwear on, I hurried home. And in the midst of the bus ride to my house, my phone was stolen. Normally, I would’ve been sitting down and or on my phone but I didn’t even want to sit on the bus or on the train ride before the bus because of my underwear being soiled. In a moment of vulnerability, where I had just quickly slipped my phone from my bag pocket and placed it back in the side pocket, a guy was behind me and slipped it out and walked out the back door in less than 2 minutes. And just like that my phone was gone after a horrid day at work. That should’ve told me to leave that store, but I kept the fear of a new job either not working with my schedule or possibly being a problematic job and firing me, that I stayed. Around the end of 2015, more so going into the 2016, I met a person who unfortunately stole the last flickers of light I had left in me. In 2016 I was still okay, almost done finally, with college and trying to just wrap that up and once I wrapped that up I knew I was going to leave the store once and for all. But here he comes along with his sad stories and made me feel so much pity and sorrow for him, I ended up being with him for four years. And I suffered for 3 and a half of those years. And even now, with 3-4 months of no longer being with him, I still suffer from all the ways he stole time, health and piece of mind from me. The last 8-9 years of my life, have been filled with so much trauma and hardship I don’t have it in me anymore. I have so much anxiety and lack of enthusiasm for my life. I spend every day angry and sad at what has become of my life. And I apologize to my 16 year old self everyday. I’ve also realized I have many half assed, bare minimum and toxic friends and family. So hooray for me. It’s so hard because there is so much that I want to do, so much that I wanted to be. And I had ambition and independence since I was a teenager. I even volunteered by myself in the summer of my sophomore year of high school for a food pantry when most kids at 15 were probably trying to find guys to have their first time with and get the newest clothes and electronics. 

Now I have all this damage, health conditions, and teeth and mouth trauma, all of which could’ve been avoided.

Life sucks.

[megtriestowrite]

When both your career and passion come together.

I used to play “teacher-teacher” way back my childhood days. Mama and Papa bought me a few sets of black board, chalks and teacher stuff to support this interest. I played along with my childhood friends who were younger than me, so of course I played the teacher role. We had our classroom in the balcony next to the streets. So when neighbors pass by they would always tease me “Oy si Teacher Meg nag klase na” (waray language: “Ah Teacher Meg is having a class already”). I always feel shy about this so I decided to move my classroom at the backdoor. 

I made my own schedule from morning songs to my academic classes teaching my younger friends to add ad subtract and play spelling bee and stuff. I would even prepare their snacks and which probably made them stay and play with me. At the end of the class I would say “ok children it’s time to go home” and that’s literally their time to go home. 

I remember during my Kindergarten graduation, we were asked to memorize this line “When I grow up I want to be a....” while most of my classmates said “I want to be a princess, I want to be Cinderella, I want to be a king” and etc. I was the only one who said “When I grow up I want to be a teacher”. Mama was really proud of me because she never asked me about it, she never forced me to memorize this line and she never taught me what to say. Even when I was in elementary and high school I was always happy when teachers ask me to write a paragraph page on the blackboard using the chalks. I feel happy when they ask me to put a check mark on the names of children who are present. I felt responsible when they ask me to list down children who were noisy and most of all when they ask me to check papers.

March of 2011 I had to take an entrance test at University of San Carlos. Mama and Ate Lady was with me. The office has to know what course would I take since the test will depend on it. Without any hesitations I wrote down “Bachelor in Education major in Special Education”. I did not have any idea about Special Education until one of my cousins who came to Samar for holidays was taking this course. I thought, ah, I want my course to be special and it would be more fulfilling to teach children with special needs. Unfortunately, I failed my entrance test because I was scared of the maniac examiner. I felt really down and embarrassed. On top of that, I don’t know what other course should I take. I was thinking about accountancy or nursing but it didnt feel right to me. The thought doesnt feel right to me. I’m so lucky that Mama was with me. She convinced me to go to the faculty of education and ask the Chair if she could give me a chance under probation. And she did.

I started my first year college at this prestigious university where my sister also finished her Accounting degree with flying honors. I thought, I wanted to follow her steps and the fact that she was the one supporting me financially for everything.

So, dich, if one day, by chance you get to read this: Thank you for all that you have done for me. I would not be here happily enjoying my career if without your love and support. Words are not enough to tell you how grateful I am to have you as my big sister, the most selfless person I know. 

March 2015, 4 years later, I finished my degree and yes, Cumlaude! I started my first job at USC-Montessori Academy as Gavin’s shadow teacher. A shadow teacher works directly with a single child with special needs. During this year I was also studying for my license examination at the same time. Passing a teacher’s license is a big thing in the Philippines to become a legit teacher. You can only teach at a public school if you have this license. It is also a big plus if you apply in private sector. 

And of course after 6 months of reviewing my 4 year studies, I was able to pass my license test. April 2016 I left my shadow teaching job upon knowing that Gavin will be moved to a mainstream set up in which he will be part of the regular classroom with special class in the afternoon. That was my first fulfillment as a teacher, that I made a change and that I made a big help to a little boy.

So, Mr & Mrs Chiu, if by chance too that you get to read this, thank you for entrusting your little boy to me 4 years ago. He may not remember me anymore but I would always remember his sweet and lovely face that always complete my weekdays. 

April 2016 I started a new job as a Nursery teacher at Saint Anthony Montessori Learning Center. I handled 16 children. 10 in the morning and 6 in the afternoon with no teacher assistant. So whenever they cry and pee, I had to take care of everything. This was really a tough job plus I wasnt well compensated. So during the start of my 2nd school year here, I was already planning to leave and find a new job somewhere abroad. Because no matter what I do, I will never have a satisfying salary in the Philippines unless I improve my education background which would take me years to study and work for experience. So during that time I decided to take my certificate in Montessori at the same university where I took my bachelors. Not long before finished this study, I have decided to quit my job in the middle of the school year.

In November, after I got my certificate, I was jobless. I went back home to Samar and stayed with my parents. Enjoying the life of unemployed. I was depressed with my career, personal growth, and even my relationship was failing. I was unemployed and unproductive for almost 6 months.

Chim took me out of this misery again. She bought me tickets to Singapore and I stayed there for 4 months I think. I tried my best to find a job there but it was hard. First, Singapore has a different curriculum and is very strict about their education system. I was already losing hope and so I accepted the fact that I have to move on and just accept the same jobs back in Cebu. Until 3 days before I leave Singapore I tried to apply online in Bangkok schools. and whoo! I got instantly hired. So I flew back to Cebu to get my papers done and moved to Bangkok immediately. Then, my life in a new country started. Read my previous blog about life in Bangkok.

So far, I am enjoying my career here at Prep. I love the children and they make my life here easier. They give me hope and they make me happy even at my worst days. Preparing materials, preparing my lessons and stuff can sometimes be exhausting but actually teaching them and interacting with them makes the job really easier.

The sad part of this teaching life is that, yes I am happy with my job. I am very passionate with my job. Sometimes I lose motivation and I feel tired but that’s normal. I am a human being. I lose patience and sometimes I have no motivation at all. But I cant imagine not doing this. I cant imagine working in a different field. I love teaching, I love kids and I love seeing them grown and learn from me. And even tho you will never see and hear them thank you, but the way I see them change and grow into beautiful human beings, make it worth the while. 

I may not be earning as much as other professionals do, I may not get rich with this kind of job, but my heart is full. The only thing that makes me unhappy is the life after teaching hours- my personal life. When I want to explore more, I want to study more and do the things I personally want to achieve but I can’t because I still need to improve on my education. And somehow, I have learned to accept things and plan out the next move. We’ll where this passion and love for this career brings me. 

Like they say: follow your heart, be happy with your job and everything else will follow.

-TeacherMeg

[vibrant-goddess]

yeah im drinking a bit at 130am i have to be at work in five hours but im SAD and i hate my coworkers and im gonna stay up and feel like shit all week so you know fuck it im gonna bitch about it on main bc im tired of giving a fuck about what people think of me and im not putting it under the cut because i seriously dont fucking care

i shoulda bought more cigarillosi havent fucking smoked in seven years like my parents found my cigars when i was a baby adult and yelled at me so i tossed them and never looked back

except now i live on my own in a tiny shitty room that is cheap enough for me to pay off my student loans real fucking fast living with two extremely adorable dogs(they’re my roommates) who dont like being petted so what even are they good for except dragging in dead animals all the fucking time and leaving hair everywhere literally i had to stop baking for my coworkers because no matter how clean i was i ALWAYS FOUND MORE FUCKING FUR but its fine because i don’t like these coworkers anyways

like i know i work in tech but what are the fucking chances that my team would be four white blonde guys(at least two are blue eyed) in their early thirties and then me like what the FUCK and i still have two more months with these fuckers. i have to figure out how to survive eight more weeks with these people who don’t like or respect me. i feel like a goddamn token minority hire and it makes me want to quit. like, just straight up two weeks notice i don’t give a FUCK about completing the rest of my work i don’t give a FUCK about helping this team i don’t give a FUCK about this work assignment my coworkers are so fucking dismissive and passive aggressive AT BEST and whiny turds at worst. i hate coming in at 630 and leaving at 345 without taking a lunch so my work has gotten like 10 extra hours of work for me thats literally, after tax, another student loan payment.

im so fucking miserable here. this town is so fucking small. theres nothing to do here except spend twenty dollars to go to tea except i have to do it myself bcause i dont know how to fucking interact wioth people

and then i thought this month oh ill try to get people i like together for halloween movies at my house except my house is a disaster because my roommate doesnt know how to fucking clean her shit up

literally her dogs shit on the couch and she took hours to do a half assed job of cleaning up. i cleaned the table, the kitchen, the floors, everything, and within two weeks she covered the newly cleaned surfaces with her shit. and like, its like pulling teeth to even get her to move her shit from the dryer after a MONTH so i know any sort of cleaning isn;t going to get done by her

like i thought leaving my parents house would make things so much better i thought the distance would allow me to finally live like an adult, but im essentially living the same fucking life, overextended by my responsibilities, depressed to the point of ideation, too anxious to talk to anyone, except now i have quadruple the bills, still no fucking s/o because apparently im totally unfuckable like even this fucking loser from target ghosted me, and my parents passive aggressively text me everyday because i don’t update them all the time on my THRILLING life that consists of a nine hour work day, three hours of studying for a professional exam that my work won’t pay for, and two hours of costume shit based on a character in a game series i don’t even fucking like for a party im not even going to attend 

and like the obvious answer is drop the costume shit, block your parents for a couple weeks, and go to therapy. i hurried i RUSHED to get my own health insurance so i could finally finally get therapy, only to find out that if my work finds out im getting therapy theyll block any chance at promotion and in this small shitty town there are ten total therapists in a sixty mile radius, only two of which specialize in the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) except one is a dude and the other does christian counseling and i fucking refuse to interact with religion i dropped any pretense of religion four years ago and im not fucking going back and if you even FUCKING mention it to me i stg so i guess i have to take my chances with the dude

god i dont want to go to work tomorrow but ive p consistently taken a day off every two weeks and im trying to save up my leave for when i want to just fucking ditch out for a week next year after i pay off my student loans

like EVERYTHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER ONCE I MOVED. i told myself oh everything will be better once i transfer except it wasnt i got even more stressed and felt more pressure. i told myself oh everything will be bettwe once i graduate except not only was it not but i hit the worst period of my life after graduating i couldn’t socialize i couldn’t speak i just laid on the floor of my childhood room crying and cutting myself because i couldn’t functgion because life didnt have purpose anymore. i told myself oh everything will be better once i move out once im away from the environment tht made me sick BUT GUESS WHAT TUMBLR the FUCKING ENVIRONMENT THAT MADE ME SICK WAS ME. GUESS WHAT I’M THE TOXIC PRESENCE IN MY LIFE. GUESS WHAT YOU CAN’T RUN AWA FROM YOUR OWN BRAIN.

im so fucking tired of trying im so tired of waiting for things to get better i keep trying things i did cbt on my own for months and it did nothing i drank a lot for a month and it did nothing but make me pee a lot i smoked again and it didn’t help i start cutting again and it did nothing like the only vice i have is eating except to pay off my student loans asap my food budget got stripped so i cant even do that and im just. im so fucking tired of this. im tired of throwing money at my student loan app. im tired of having no room besides my bed so i have to cut fabric while laying under my bed because there no room for me and my cutting mat. im tired of spending every weekend studying my fe study materials for an exam to get a certification my work doesn’t care about whatsoever. im tired of not feeling excited about anything. this is usually my favorite month of the year and i havent done a single fall activity. i dont know why the only person in this stupid city who likes me is the dude who realized im the only single black girl in the city and therefore has decided to make it his mission to try to wear me down so he can fuck me. im tired of working in a team where i have to be the voice of all women all black people and all queer people. im tired of having to either report my comings and goings to my parents from two hundred miles away when they don’t pay for any of my shit(in fact, i pay for some of their shit and they still demand updates like they’re entitled to my fucking life) hold on im getting another drink

and like if i want to even be considered one of the team i have to perform to perfection better than the other fuckers on the team whic means i have to show up before the earliest arriver and leave after my boss leaves and i still gotta do all my personal shit and i cant take a lunch and im UFKCKING SICK OF IT. the other team in our open office is a million times more diverse, they actually communicate and discuss shit. their boss is a woman and they occasionally have women on their team on assignment. they spent an hour debating and charting pizza topping preferences so they could order pizza together. meanwhile, my team cant even be assed to actually ask me a question. 

i dont fucking want to go to work tomorrow. i dont want to fucking go back to this team ever again. my boss offered me a permanent position and i didnt know how to tell him that i hate this team and i cant wait to leave and mute the team server forever and if my next assignment didnt require an additional security thing(DESPITE THE FACT THAT I’VE NEVER STEPPED OUT OF LINE MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE I HAD GOOD HS ATTENDANCE I PARTICIPATED IN CLUBS I GOT A FUCKING NATIONAL AWARD I VOLUNTEERED WITH A CHRISTIAN CHURCH I PARTICIPATED IN CLUBS AND STUDENT ORGS IN COLLEGE I DIDNT DRINK A SIP OF ALCOHOL UNTIL I WAS 21 I DIDN’T SMOKE UNTIL I WAS 18 I NEVER TRIED ANY DRUGS NOT EVEN WEED IN FACT THE MOMENT DRUGS WERE PRESENT IN MY SOCIAL CIRCLES I LEFT THOSE SOCIAL CIRCLES AND NEVER LOOKED BACK I NEVER COMMITTED ANY CRIMES I NEVER ASSOCIATED WITH ANYONE WHO DID CRIMES IVE NEVER LEFT THE COUNTRY AS AN ADULT I LITERALLY HAVE THE BACKGROUND OF SOMEONE WHO SPENT 25 YEARS SITTING IN A ROOM EATING SALTINES AND STARING AT A WALL UNTIL I STARTED WORKING) that is taking fucking forever despite my perfect background i would have left this assignment early AND i would have given them excellent documentation when i went.

im so fucking tired. im tired of everything.

[wolffyluna]

Curiostiy (Didn’t) Kill the Cat - Carey centric

(For the last prompt of @tazladyweek , “Finale.” It’s been a wild ride, and I’ve been glad I joined in!)

aka How Carey joined a secretive world-saving society and met her future girlfriend.

A seeker finds something. Carey takes two jobs. Boyland is an idiot.

Carey nearly didn’t hear her walk up over the rumble of conversation and slamming of the kitchen door. Nearly. It paid to have good ears at the Rose and Crown. “You looking for something?”

“I was told to find Carey Fangbattle.” She was small even for a gnome, wearing a undyed cotton underdress, and a black apron edged with pink and indigo weaving. Her eyes flicked from side to side, nervously. An open topped bag hung at her side, filled with books. She had the air of a wizard trying to look normal, and not completely succeeding. (The bracer with a rune on it certainly didn’t help.)

“Well, you’ve found her. What can I do for ya?”

“First, I should give you this.” She rummaged in her pack, and pulled out a piece of paper.

Carey took it. The message was in thieve’s cant, and had the heavy hand of the guild secretary. ‘This person has a dangerous job. The Thieves Guild thought you might be interested,’ was the rough translation. “You understand what this says?”

“No. They--” she whispered the ‘they’ sotto voce “said it would prove I was sent... officially.”

“I wouldn’t exactly describe the Thieves’ Guild as being official.”

The gnome flinched, and her eyes flicked faster.

Carey had to try and stifle a laugh. It wasn’t good form to scare your clients, even if it was fun. “Relax, this place is pretty Guild friendly.” Carey shouted over her shoulder, towards the bar “Isn’t that right, Marsha?”

The barmaid shouted back “As long as you pay your tab!” There was a low rumble of laughter around the pub at the old joke.

“So, what’s your name and what’s your job?” Carey asked.

“I’m Gail Whitebrook, and I’d guess you’d say I’m a travelling researcher of sorts.”

Carey pointed at the piece of paper.

“Oh, right, that sort of job.” She cleared her throat. “There’s good evidence that there’s a powerful magical artifact near this town. Extremely powerful. I’ve been looking forward to researching it--”

“And having it, I’m guessing.”

Gail didn’t skip a beat. “--for awhile. I am reasonably certain that the previous owner has hidden it well, and trapped the area around beyond what I could counter. Additionally, I am actually certain that there are people on my tail that also want this artifact, and will kill to prevent me from having it.”

“Good thing I’m good at trapfinding and bodyguarding. Well, and other rogue stuff. Rogue stuff generally.”

“Now I’ll admit I don’t have a lot of gold on me for a downpayment, I’ll have more once I have the artifact, but I do have a magic item you may be interested in.”

Carey was generally not a fan of being paid in things other than gold. You couldn’t turn them into food half as easily, and they were a much more traceable. And what was she going to do with half the stuff people offered her anyway? (Someone once asked her to steal something for the exposure. The lack of usefulness of that flew over the client’s head.) But magic items were still pretty easy to turn into food if you knew the right fence. Plus, there was a niggling bit of her that had always wanted one. Most of the ones she’d ever held, she’d had to give to her client, and it was always hard parting with them. They were so cool!

Maybe it was her dragon heritage. Maybe magic items were just totally rad.

“Can I see?”

“Certainly.” Gail slid a ring across the table at her. The band was plain and brassy, with a single tiger eye gem inside it. The gem iridesced and glinted in the light, almost like the gem was glancing around the room. It buzzed gently, not physically, but with that little something magic things had.

“Put it on, it’s yours now.”

Carey slipped it over a finger. Carefully, though. She’d heard enough tales of adventurers undone by seemingly harmless items. As she did, something about her perspective changed. She had another eye, seeing in black and white, staring up at her jaw. She moved her hand, and the eye’s perspective moved too, looking up at the ceiling now.

Gail grinned at her reaction. “Tiger’s Eye Ring. Now, it’s not so useful on your hand, but once it’s yours, you can put it anywhere you like and see out of it.”

Carey took it off and placed it on the table, facing Gail. She still saw out it. It felt odd, but she could get used to it, especially considering how useful this could be.

“And if you’d like it more than gold, there’s more where that came from at the end of the job.”

***

Carey found Gail at the East Gate the next day. She read a notebook, while holding to pack mules’ reins the in the other hand.

It was probably just a spell book, and not any of Carey’s business, but-- She was a rogue. Sticking her nose is other people’s business was her job (along with stealing their shit.) She snuck towards her. Not in a creeping along the ground, flattening herself to walls kind of way, that would have drawn attention. She followed the flow of traffic, and gently veered off the path, pretending she was walking toward the guardpost and that she was definitely not Carey Fangbattle.

Gail didn’t even look up from her book as Carey walked behind her. Carey peaked over Gail’s shoulder.

It probably wasn’t a spellbook. Spell books had text. This had shifting black blocks dancing over the page. Carey tried to look at it, even if she couldn’t read it, but her eyes kept sliding off against her will. Even after that little peek they felt strained and dry.

Carey snuck back to the road, then walked to Gail from the front. She looked up this time. “Are you ready?”

“Just one thing, which mule will be at the back?” Carey asked.

Gail raised an eyebrow. “The bay one.”

Carey walked to it’s hind end, running her hand along it’s side as she did so she didn’t startle it. Getting kicked by a mule was not a good way to start your day.

She took the ring off, and being careful to avoid obscuring the gem with hair, tied it to the mule’s tail.

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Gail said, finally closing the notebook.

“And that’s why you hired me.”

***

The path through the forest was narrow and full of exposed roots, more game track than road. Gail walked at the front, occasionally checking a map in her notebook. (Carey could tell it was map. It didn’t have the shifting blocks of the other pages, except for one small corner obscured by them.)

Carey stayed at the side, leading the trailing mule.

Something moved behind them. Carey saw it through the ring, a flash of a figure and embers. No, two figures, bashing their way through the trees.

Carey shoved Gail off the path into the underbrush.

Gail tried to protest, but Carey covered her mouth. “Quiet.”

The figures came closer. Carey busied herself, trying to look like she’d dropped something.

“Hey Miss!” One of the figures yelled.

Carey turned around. “Hello?”

The speaker was dwarf, more craggy and soot-stained than most. Ash and what looked alarmingly like grease flecked his beard. He smoked a cigar. Which at least answered the questions of where the embers came from, but raised the questions of why he thought smoking in a forest was a good idea.

His companion overall looked neater, and less like the sort of idiot who’d smoke in a forest. Mostly because she wasn’t smoking, honestly. She was tall, though probably average by orc standards, but built like brick shithouse, even by orc standards. She looked like she could pick up a brick shithouse and throw it across a field. A massive crossbow hung on her back.

If Carey had to describe her in one word from this first impression, it would be ‘warrior.’ There was a violent edge to her, but a controlled one, one kept sheathed like sword, waiting for the right moment. She looked like she could kill you, but wasn’t planning to right now. It was... striking.

That was the point Carey realised either her heart or her groin had taken the wheel, and wrested it back. Neither of those parts of her were overly good at decision making. Right now, good decision making was probably necessary, especially if they were the rivals Gail had been talking about.

“We’re looking for a friend,” the orc said. “A gnome, about yay high--” She gestured to her knees, “looks like a wizard.”

The dwarf pointed to his arm. “She wears a bracer like this.” It was the spit of Gail’s bracer, with the same rune and everything, though sized for a dwarf instead of a gnome.

“Yeah, I’ve seen her,” Carey said. Gail hissed in the shrubbery, but Carey covered it with her talking. “The bracer is pretty distinctive. She was talking to someone in the Royal Oak last night.”

The orc crossed her arms and looked incredulous. “You seen her after that?”

Carey shrugged. “Not that I know of.”

“Well, thank you for your time, miss,” the dwarf said, before leading the orc away.

They whispered to each other as they walked off. Carey strained to hear it.

“She’s dressed like a rogue,” the orc said.

“Rogues’ don’t have a dress code.”

“Yeah, but still--”

“What she said matches what we heard.”

The orc shut up.

Gail crawled her way out of the bushes. “What possessed you to tell the truth?”

“I remember lying quite a lot then.”

“You said you saw me, in a pub, last night. That’s true.”

“And that’s what made it believable. Anyway,” Carey started counting on her fingers, “We were in the Rose, not the Oak last night, you talked to me instead of talking to someone else, and I did see you this morning.”

“You could have just said you hadn’t seen me.”

“And then they might still be looking around for you here. They think you’re in the forest, right? That’s why they’re in it. I tell them I saw you in town, there’s a chance they believe me and double back, giving us a head start. Or maybe they don’t, and keep looking. But if I said I hadn’t seen you, well, they’re going to keep looking where you think they are, right?”

“They might have doubled back anyway.” Gail didn’t sound like she believed herself.

Carey offered a hand to help her stand up. “Come on, let’s make the most of this head start.”

***

The rest of their travel was uneventful, much more than Carey expected. People generally didn’t exaggerate the danger when they were trying to hire someone. Kinda made it harder to find someone, and more expensive when you did.

They were no traps, except from the odd hunting snare. Which wasn’t surprising. Like, who traps a forest? Poachers, not guardians of mystical artifacts.

She didn’t disarm the snares. That would have been both pointless and rude.

Something moved behind her, in the view of the Tiger’s Eye. A humanoid figure, a large one. An orc. She turned around, and the figure had gone.

***

The figure showed up three more times.

***

A massive redwood tree towered above them. It was at least as big as some Goldcliff skyscrapers, both in height and girth. A massive entrance, about three Careys high and four wide, was gouged out of the base. A staircase spiralled up the innards.

By all rights, with all the cutting and carving, it should have been dead. Green leaves still grew, however.

“This is where we part ways,” Gail said, hobbling the mules.

Carey untied the ring from the mule’s tail. “What, no! You don’t fire your rogue at the beginning of a dungeon.”

“That’s not a dungeon.”

“It’s a large--” Carey counted off each trait on her fingers “--possibly magical structure, which has a magical artifact at the end of it, and multiple adventurers trying to go in. Even if it ain’t underground, it’s pretty much definitionally a dungeon.”

“You’ve got me where I need to get.”

“I got you through a safe forest you knew the route of.” Okay, maybe the others following them made the forest unsafe, but still. “You hired me to take you to the artifact, and that’s what I’m doing.”

“Look, here’s my concern: how can I be sure you won’t steal it from me?”

“I get it, I’m a rogue, but a rogue who steals from their clients doesn’t get work again. Plus, I’m a rogue who likes to eat and live places. Unless this is the most magical thing in the world, it’s not going to be worth my job.”

“Trust me, it pretty much is the most magical thing. Which is why I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Now.”

“Provided I get fair compensation for my work, I wouldn’t take something that powerful--”

“Confident, I see.”

“Don’t interrupt. I don’t like leaving until I’ve seen things through to the end. Feels like leaving a play during intermission.”

“You want to fulfil your curiosity.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

“Curiosity killed the cat--”

It was Carey’s turn to interrupt. “Good thing I’m a dragon born, then. Okay, how about I make a more, how to put it, convincing way. I can come with you, or I can go find our stalkers and go tell them exactly where you are.”

“Are you threatening me? Blackmailing me?”

“Yes. That’s the danger of hiring a rogue. Now, which option do you like best?”

“If you dare lay a finger on that artefact--”

“Yeah, yeah, then I’ll be starving in the streets if I haven’t been killed by an angry wizard with a powerful artifact first. Am I coming with or not?”

Gail gave her a sour look. “Fine.”

***

Their ascent involved a lot of crawling around on all fours.

Correction: it involved a lot of crawling around for Carey. Gail stayed upright behind her.

Carey nudged her telescoping eleven foot pole forward. Something clicked as the pole touch, and gust of icy air, with snowflakes sharp as throwing knives burst out. Carey tapped the pressure plate again. Nothing.

“It’s a cycle,” Carey said. “Frost, fire, lightning, back to frost again.”

“Hmm, that’s not what I would have expected here. It implies that this artefact has different powers than I thought.”

“Good different, or bad different.”

Gail stopped to think a moment. “Good.”

Below them, something made a noise. It sounded like talking.

Carey held a finger to her lips and put her ear to the stairs.

“They’re ahead of us.” The voice sounded like the orc woman. “It explains why all the traps are disarmed, why things keep shooting out above us, even the noises.”

The next voice sounded like the dwarf. “All the more reason to get a scootch on and stop arguing.”

“I can get you up there quicker.”

“And beat them one vs two? Nah, not going to happen.”

“If you surprise em--”

The voices stopped for a moment before the dwarf spoke again. “Fine.”

Nothing happened for two moments.

That’s when the dwarf shot up from the hole in the middle of the spiral and grabbed onto Carey’s stair.

Carey sprang up and stamped on the dwarf’s hands.

He hissed, but still gripped on.

Gail kicked him in the head. It was a dainty kick, and he seemed unaffected.

Carey grabbed a dagger and stabbed his palm in between the bones. The dagger didn’t pierce into the stairs, but still stood upright in his hand.

He took his other hand off the stairs to pull the knife out. The stabbed hands grip weakened, and there was a look of dawning horror as he realised how stupid he’d been.

He fell off the stairs.

There was muffled “Fuck!” from the orc woman, and the sound of someone frantically waving something. (It sounded... feathery?)

Carey threw a smoke bomb down, angling it towards the sound of the orc’s voice. “Have this!”

“Don’t you mean ‘take that’?” Gail asked.

“Well, I’m giving them something, so no.”

They rushed up the stairs, Carey scooting the pole in front as they ran. Even with the distractions, they had to assume the other two were hot on their heels. They needed to get to the artifact first, and if they had to be less careful, they were gonna be less careful. Each trap so far had only one charge, so they could probably afford it. .

“We’re close,” Gail said, running out of breath. “I can see the top of the tree.”

The spiral widened. Carey looked down. The orc and the dwarf were just two loops below them. She didn’t know how, probably some sort of haste spell, but they were nearly caught up.

“Uh, company is getting very close as well,” Carey said.

With a final turn of speed, they sprinted the rest of the way up.

The top of the tree was anti-climactic. The staircase stopped on a wide branch, that had a flat wedge cut out of it to make a floor. The branches and leaves above made a makeshift roof. It was generally fairly plain. Carey didn’t know what else she expected, this fit what the rest of the tree looked like, but still. There should have been a big greebly monster, or at least a prettier room.

Gail got on her hands and knees. “It has to be here, it to be here--” A panel slid up and out of the floor, revealing a cubic compartment.

Carey peered over Gail’s shoulder to get better look. It was just a belt. A leather strap with holes in it, and a buckle. The buckle was the oddest part of it: it was circular with elemental designs on it, and it looked like you might be able to spin it. She didn’t have much of an eye for magic items, but she didn’t expect a powerful artifact. Like the room it was in, it seemed lacking. Diamonds and rubies should have encrusted it, and it should have glowed with an holy and or unholy nimbus.

But it was just a plain belt, with a plain strap, and a kinda fancy buckle.

Gail took it out of the box and put it on.

Nothing happened. At all. It was even more anticlimactic than it looked.

Gail stood up. “I’d always heard these things intuitive, then again, when have we actually found one?” She seemed... off, as she talked. Out of character Like someone who assumed that magical artifacts were meant to change you if you used them.

“Who’s ‘we’?” Carey asked.

Gail didn’t pay any attention. “You’re one of the few people who have ever seen this. Or at least one of the few that know they have. The thing that I have been searching for for years: the G̼̰͔̲ą̯̪͚͍̭̼̲́į̙̥͇͕̜̤a̡͕̜̬̜̠̥̠̯̯̕͟ ̸̱̭̟S̢̹̰̫͖̬̕͘a̴̜̦͠s̜̬͘h̨̢̪̲̭.”

The last words were swallowed up by an unintelligible hiss of static. “What are you talking about? What you said doesn’t mean anything.”

Gail looked at her. Her eyes burned. “Well, you’ve seen it. Has that satisfied your curiosity? Unfortunately, you know how the saying goes. ‘Curiosity killed the cat.’”

Carey backed away towards the stairs.

“Nuh-uh.” She waggled her finger towards her, and Carey took a tentative step forward. “This is why I wanted to leave you behind, I don’t want to kill you. But I have to. Otherwise you’d take it.”

“No, I won’t, I swear, thief's honour, I’ll just go and you can have it--”

“Everyone tries to take it. It’s what it does. Do you know how powerful the G̼̰͔̲ą̯̪͚͍̭̼̲́į̙̥͇͕̜̤a̡͕̜̬̜̠̥̠̯̯̕͟ ̸̱̭̟S̢̹̰̫͖̬̕͘a̴̜̦͠s̜̬͘h̨̢̪̲̭ is? This has ended the world before.”

Carey swallowed thickly. “I’m pretty sure the world is still around.”

“That’s what you think.” Gail started pacing. “Even if you don’t want it now, you will. It’ll gnaw at you, until you just can’t help yourself. Then you’ll take it, and because you don’t know what you’re doing, the world will end again. Someone responsible has to take it.”

“Like the person threatening an innocent because they saw a belt?”

“It’s the responsible thing in this case. Anyway, you’re a rogue and an adventurer, you don’t really count as an innocent.”

Carey’s hands crept towards her daggers. If Gail stayed distracted, she might get a chance before she noticed--

Gail stopped pacing and stared Carey dead in the eye. “Come on now, hold still. It’ll be a lot quicker that way.”

Gail held her arms out. Nothing happened. She did it again, then stomped about, jumped up and down, waved her arms about. Still, nothing happened.

“Guess it really is unintuitive. I’ll do it without it then.” Gail pulled out her wand, and before Carey could react, a gust of wind burst out from its tip.

Carey went flying and sailed off the edge of the platform, into the branches. She flailed, trying to grip onto something, anything, to stop her from falling right off the tree.

She slammed face first into a branch, and managed to grab a hold of it.

Gail was obscured by the foliage. She kept pacing and waving her arms. The belt didn’t respond.

Carey hung from the branch. She kicked the air, trying to find a foothold. There was none. The branch dipped and swayed from her weight.

She didn’t look down. The foliage probably hid the ground, but even then, she didn’t want to risk it. She didn’t want to know how far up she was.

She stopped struggling for a foothold, and kept still. She could probably swing the rest of herself up onto the branch (if not, she was stuck here until her arms gave out) but she couldn’t do it quietly. Gail really didn’t need to know she hadn’t fallen.

The orc woman barged onto the platform, followed by a worse-for-wear dwarf with what looked like a bandaged hand. “Gail Whitebrook, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“I know we don’t hire regulators for their brains, but what does it look like? Ah yes, it looks like I’m playing bridge with my Sunday night bridge buddies.

The orc lifted her crossbow from her back, aiming at Gail. “I was hoping the answer would something other than ‘trying to use a relic.’”

“Quick question:” the dwarf said. “Why isn’t this tree moving? Or attacking the nearest town?”

Carey swung her feet onto the branch, using the conversation to cover the noise. The branch wobbled and whipped about. She gripped on tighter. It didn’t seem to be about to break, at least.

“You think the arcane secrets of the most powerful artifacts in the world are easy to work out?” Gail held both arms to one side, then the other. “I’ve nearly got it, and when I have, you’ll see that this for the best, that this will save the world. If you’re still alive, of course.”

“Uh, no, I don’t think so,” said the orc.

“You don’t think we’ll be alive?” said the dwarf.

“You know what I mean.”

Gail’s fingers wiggled behind her back, casting a spell.

The orc’s crossbow was too big to be move by Mage Hand, by a fair whack. The bolts, however? They were a little on the large for the spell, but it was easier enough for Gail to pick up individual ones and scatter them across the floor.

The orc knelt down to grab a bolt before they all rolled out of her reach and off the tree.

Gail ended Mage Hand, and started casting in the direction of the dwarf.

Killing your client was generally considered bad form, and Carey didn’t give much of a damn about the orc and the dwarf. But if they died, well, there was no way she could get past Gail and down the tree safely. Plus, attempting to kill your freelancer probably counted as a breach of contract, and as a general rule you should get rid of anyone with magical artifact ranting about ultimate power.

Carey waited till the branch swung closest to the tree and catapulted herself off. She sprinted towards Gail, daggers out.

Rogue pro tip: don’t scream ‘SNEAK ATTACK’ before you go and do that.

Carey didn’t.

Second rogue pro tip: Wordless screaming isn’t a whole lot better.

Thankfully, the casting distracted Gail. She turned just before Carey stabbed her above her collar bones.

Her flesh resisted, in a way that felt wrong and gross as it went up the handles.

Something went into Carey’s leg. It felt like an impact, before it felt like pain. She looked down.

A bolt, big as a spear, went straight through Gail’s midsection and into her leg. The orc stared at the hole in Gail, crossbow still up.

Her eyes weren’t wild, but there was hard edge. Tightly controlled, but still there. Not the look of a killer, but the look a someone who knew exactly what she did and why she had to do it

It was dead sexy, and Carey knew that had to be the blood loss talking (despite how little blood had left her the time), because who thought that about the person who’d just (by accident, hopefully) shot them?

Gail’s body toppled, and Carey toppled with her.

The dwarf, who hadn’t yet drawn his axe, looked at Carey’s wound. “I guess that’d count as payback.”

“Only if you’d done it,” said the orc. “Now, how are we going to deal with this whole... belt situation. We can’t just pick it up.”

“Yeah, sure we can.” The dwarf went and did just that.

“What the fuck, Boyland!” The orc swung her crossbow around, but kept it aimed at Boyland’s feet.

“Boyland? That’s you like, actual name?” Carey asked. They ignored her.

“It’s not a relic, see?” He threw the belt at her.

The orc woman flicked it off like it was a spider, and the looked down at it. “Guess you’re right.”

“What’s your name? Girlland?”

“It’s Killian. You working for her?”

Carey nodded.

“You know what she was looking for?”

“A magical artifact.” Carey flicked her head in the direction of the belt.

“Know what it’s called?”

“The kksshhhhksshhrrkks?”

“No, but close enough.” Killian turned to Boyland. “This going to be a fun report to make.”

Carey looked at her belt, mostly because Killian was too tall and she was too on the floor to look at her eyeline. A feather duster hung on it. It looked a little odd, partially because Killian didn’t look like the sort to carry a feather duster in case she found somewhere that really needed dusting. There was also the secondary question of how the hell Boyland survived his fall.

“Okay, my turn to ask invasive questions: is that a magic feather duster?”

“No,” Killian said, deadpan. “It is the most ordinary feather duster in the world, which I have for dusting and only dusting. It certainly doesn’t have feather fall.”

“Where’d you get it?”

Killian ignored her, but Boyland piped up. “Her employer sort-of-kind-of-not-technically paid her with it.”

Carey could claim that what she was about to do was to try and make up for the fact Gail never paid her before dying, and she had no clue where Gail kept her stuff. In the future, she could claim she did it because she really just wanted to save the world. Honestly? She was curious. About why there were words she couldn’t hear or read, or what the fuck Gail had gotten them into, and did Killian like girls? Curiosity, so far, hadn’t managed to kill the dragonborn.

“Is your employer hiring?”

[topicprinter]

I had tried many different business ventures before, but they didn’t work. I was a single mum when I first decided to become an entrepreneur. I needed some flexibility in my work arrangements, so I decided to start working online, to start my own business.My first introduction into outsourcing was when I was project managing for different companies. I realised that it took a lot of time and effort to be liaising between contract staff and my clients. I then decided to change the business model, and become a recruitment agency instead, where I connect virtual employees, mainly from the Philippines to clients. Instead of project managing, I would instead fill the role of recruitment.I first started working with a number of contract staff from the Philippines, and the experience was really positive. They were hardworking, dedicated and well-skilled. Some of the contract staff that I started out working are still working with me today.I have always been the best recruiter - l know how to find the best people for the job, what the best fit is, how to connect with people, and that helps when it comes to recruiting on a larger scale.Who is your target demographic?We work best with small to medium-sized established companies who are looking to grow their team. They are looking for someone who will stay with them on a long-term basis, and not just casual or once off. Marketing companies, IT companies, e-commerce companies are just some of the industries that our clients are from.I have a strong marketing team and we are engaged in many different platforms - from LinkedIn, to email marketing, to YouTube, Instagram and Facebook. Clients are attracted to us when they share the same purpose and mission as us - a desire to grow their business, while at the same time, having a positive social impact on the wider community. We are a company with a social purpose - that is my guiding mission. Clients see the community projects that we undertake, they identify with us, and they enjoy working with us.How did you fund the business initially?I grew the business in a lean way. The business funded itself. The business model is always a positive cashflow.Tips to finding your employee is to recruit not just for technical skills but mainly look for the soft skills/personalities. Someone reliable, honest and a fast learner. Commit to hiring them, training them, even when times are tough and cashflow is low, never look at getting rid of your staff. You need them to grow.The service we sell is Virtual assistants for marketing and administrative support. From web development, email marketing, social media to CRM management, customer service etc.Have you run any companies in the past?Yes, I had a nail polish business. It was my first taste of business and I quickly learnt to outsource work to grow my own business.I wanted to start my own business because I wanted time and financial freedom. I wanted to be able to look after myself, my son, and my family. And I wanted to be in a position where I am able to change the world. If you are on a salaried job, your ability to help others is limited. But I want to dream big, aim high, and then be in a position where I can do so much more and help so many others.My family - being traditional Vietnamese - were very sceptical at first. But, they have since come around and they respect me for all that I have achieved. My friends have given me their utmost support!What motivates you when things go wrong?I’m naturally a very positive person. And I’m confident of myself and my team. Things might go wrong, but it depends on your perspective. To me it’s either you succeed or you learn. You win either way. My end goal is to create millions of home based job opportunities for people around the world, helping them achieve time and financial freedom.My advice for someone starting out is make sure you focus on doing what you love, not just chasing the money. To combine your passion with solving a problem for the world. Find the problem out there and solve it, rather than just starting a business because you came up with a cool idea. Make your business model a recurring model. When things get tough remind yourself of your big dreams and goals. Sacrifice a few years of hard work for a lifetime of freedom.We are growing year by year, I’m grateful for our progress. What is stopping my business from being 3x the size is just time. I have the strategies and team. We have projects we want to implement which just takes time. There is a great quote I love, “there is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs”.I’m proud of the culture we have built at Outsourcing Angel. Proud that we help at least 300 people each month through our charity initiatives.What are the top apps your business could not run without?We’re an online company, so that list can be endless!Slack - for daily communication within the team and communication with clients and leads.Screencast-o-matic - for easy communication of tasks, instructions with a remote teamZoom - for video conferencingHubspot - a client management systemBasecamp - for project managementActive Campaign - for email marketing/ pipeline managementGoogle Suite - for files management, document sharing and co-editing with a remote teamIf I had to pick only 3, then it will be Slack, Zoom, BasecampAll these apps are essential for communication - the whole team works remotely, so we need to make sure that we have open channels for communication, we are expressing ourselves clearly and precisely, and that we are organised in our work structure.What are your goals with Outsourcing Angel for the future?I definitely want to continue building up Outsourcing Angel into a global company with stronger presence in other countries like US, Canada, UK etc.We are developing our Affiliate Program and looking for more strategic partners.We are in process of developing new services example VAs specialising in niches like video editing, linkedin etcRevenue right now is $100k/month, looking to 10x in the next 2 years.At this point in time, I cant imagine ever selling the company. I love it so much :)If you enjoyed this, find the original here.

[2tsrwzsba-blog]

cheap one day car insurance for 19 year old

cheap one day car insurance for 19 year old

cheap one day car insurance for 19 year old

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