#and on this blog. whatever. I’m done being myself here. I need to do something more interesting

[rosenbraut]

Okay. I’m going to pretend really hard for the next 70 days. I’ll do the best I can. I’ll put in so much effort. And then on September 14th I still have a week (9days) until my birthday to see whether that brought any kind of significant change to my life and whether it’s worth continuing.

[fallatyourfeet]

Empty Promises (Tommy X Wife Reader) One-shot

Summary: Tommy can be a cruel man sometimes, but YN still loves him.

Word count: 746

Warnings: Nothing really.

A/N: This is my first fic in a long long time. It's short but hopefully sweet.

Please feel free to send me a message/comment/ask, I would love to know what you think.

If you like this, please feel free to visit my blog and take a look around! You can find my masterlist in my bio.

“Tommy, you promised”. Standing at the empty desk of his Arrow House study, you held the telephone receiver to your ear staring at your reflection in the window. It was so dark outside that the pane of glass worked perfectly as a mirror. You looked good. Really good. Beautiful even. Exhaling silently, your eyes dropped to the rug beneath your favourite pair of heels. It felt like forever since you had a reason to put on a beautiful dress and powder your nose. And after countless empty promises from Tommy to get home early and take you out, you thought that tonight he was finally going to come through. No less than an hour ago he called to say he was a minute from leaving the office, and now… well, he was still in that very same office telling you that something had come up and not to expect him home before midnight.

The familiar click of Tommy’s tongue travelled down the telephone line to your ear, “I’m sorry YN, I need to close this deal tonight. It shouldn’t be taking this long… but there was a problem with the contract… it’s getting amended right now.”

Frustrated, you shook your head as if he was standing right in front of you, sure he could hear the shortness in your voice, but you were unable to bite your tongue. “Jees Tommy, I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go… Why couldn’t you let me know an hour ago?” Giving him no chance to reply, you huffed, throwing a hand in the direction of the sitting room, “And what about Polly… she’s already here to mind the kids.”

Clearing his throat, you could swear Tommy’s voice just broke a little. Was he amused by your frustration? “Don’t worry about Polly, she’ll use any excuse to see the children… she won’t care.”

Letting slip an annoyed grumble, you sank into the chair beside you. Staring into the darkness outside your frustration began to fade as disappointment took hold, your grumble finishing with a defeated sigh, “I just wish… I wish… I don’t even know anymore… I miss you, Tommy. I just want you to myself… for one night.” That was the moment you noticed headlights turn in at the top of the driveway. Sitting upright, you focused on the car, but it wasn’t familiar. “Who’s that. Tommy, were you expecting anyone tonight?”

Tommy asked, “What about two nights, eh?”

Confused, you stood up and walked around the desk to the window, scrutinising the car as it made its way up the driveway, “What do you mean?... Are you expecting someone?”

“What about two nights,” Tommy repeated.

The car rolled to a stop out the front of the house, leaving you even more confused. It was a brand-new Rolls-Royce limousine, complete with its very own chauffeur. Suspicion crept upon your voice as you spoke, “What are you talking about, Tommy. What do you mean, two nights?”

A soft chuckle sounded from the other end of the telephone, his voice now clearly amused, “What I mean is, no business, no races, no horses… nothing. Just you and me for the whole weekend to do whatever the hell we want.”

You fell silent a moment, unsure what was happening. This was completely uncharted waters; Tommy had never done anything like this before. You could hardly string a sentence together, “What? Whatever do you… I don’t… What’s going on?”

Mumbling something about you being adorable when you're frustrated and confused, Tommy chuckled again, before elaborating. “See that man out the window, that’s George, your chauffeur. He’s going to collect a suitcase in the foyer that Polly has packed for you and bring you to me.” Giving you a moment to collect your thoughts, he waited before clearing his throat, “So why don’t you go upstairs and kiss the children goodnight for me and tell them we’ll be home in a couple of days.”

Shaking your head, you couldn’t contain the joy in your voice, “You’re such an ass, Tommy. Why couldn’t you just tell me, instead of torturing me like that?”

Tommy laughed audibly, “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you hurry up and get your own ass down here and you can punish me in any way you want.”

With a devilish voice, you sighed, “Oh Tommy, my love. Don’t you worry about that… I’ve got the whole car ride there to decide… and believe me, I already have a few ideas.”

[daretoassume]

Hello , I hope you see this.

I might be a bit desperate.

So 2 years ago I wanted to kill myself but then I had a huge “spiritual awakening” where I say things beyond human comprehension. And from that moment I decided to give life a chance, I knew that life actually had a meaning and that was for me to discover what was beyond what I could think. It gave my so much clarity of the world around me and who I was. From that moment I also started to randomly consciously manifest things without knowing about manifesting. I’m not kidding when I say this but in that time I manifested 6 million overnight while I was just kidding about being a millionaire while listening to my rich music and then when I woke up my parents had the good news. I also manifested others things that I thought where extremely special. But I didn’t really put in effort it was just fun experimenting with my powers.

So then I decided to deepen myself in the laws. I started with law of attraction. And I ended up meditating so deeply everyday that I was so passionate about finding the ultimate truth of reality inside me, that I was extremely depersonalised from my 3D and basically lived inside my brain. I could ask things and receive answers on my questions, like the one time i asked how to invent something that could end humanity ( I still have a full doc on how to build to most effective machine that could end humanity in less than second) I also got the answer of questions about reality and my vessel. So that’s when I realised there was nothing but me. And that I was experiencing myself from the experience of myself ( if that makes sense!) I found that there really was nothing and everything at once while I was giving meaning to it. So that’s when I started with extreme anxiety and depression because I struggled so much with intrusive thoughts, not being able to ground myself in this reality and being so so scared of my thoughts. Still to this day my thoughts scare me so much that I can’t help but experience anything other than fear from myself. It’s like I’m living in a constant nightmare. I have watched so much law of assumption post and videos dedicating every second of my day on being focused and disciplined to affirming and being in the state of having what I want, but it makes me so fuckiyn angry and I don’t know why. Everytime I see a post I feel depressed because deep down I know everything but everyday I wake up in the same reality where everything fucking sucks ( I have been forcing myself to be kind self love gratitude letting go void state visualisation whatever exist I’ve done it all) and when I finally have build up that trust that everything is working out in my highest favour and I always get what I want and the 3D can’t tell me nothing yk I can delude myself into knowing I have it but it’s been over a year and I just can’t bear this reality anymore I know I’m meant for another reality and there’s just nothing for me to find here anymore. And I really don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m stuck in this reality where everything seems to get worse. And my thoughts are also getting worded everyday for the last year but whenever I tried manifesting a better self concept mindset etc it got worse when i don’t even want to be the person that is in conflict with themsef because that’s just a idiotic thing to do. But can you help me out?🫶

what you experienced, everything that you learned, was so profound. it is truly a gift to have such insight, so treat it as such. try to examine why it scares you so deeply. there is something within that fear that is asking to be understood.

you have seen how effortlessly you created before, simply by being playful and detached. you were experimenting, having fun with it, and not placing too much importance on the outcome. that is why there was no resistance. things flowed into your reality flawlessly. you already understand the law. you know how to apply it to your life. you do not need another blog post or video to teach you what you already know.

what you need now is to go deeper within yourself, to truly understand why you feel this way. these feelings are not here to torment you but to guide you toward something deeper. perhaps there is a message waiting for you, something significant you need to uncover, or even a realization that you are meant to share with others. your emotions, no matter how overwhelming, are part of your journey. they may be pointing you toward a greater understanding of yourself and your purpose.

if you feel an inner pull to create something meaningful, to express yourself, or to pursue something that sparks joy, do not ignore it. act on it. even if it feels small or insignificant at first, do it. follow what excites you, even in the simplest of ways.

i know it’s easier said than done, especially when it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. but remember, we both know the truth—what we focus on expands. even a small shift in focus toward what you prefer can create change. we often feel so much these days that we forget to acknowledge what we can be grateful for. take a moment and ask yourself: what are you truly grateful for right now? your family, your friends? doesn’t it bring you some happiness to know you’ve learned so much already? i am not saying you are ungrateful. i am suggesting that maybe starting with gratitude, even in the smallest way, could help shift your attention, even just a little.

as you take time for introspection to truly understand what is behind these emotions and why you feel the way you do, you might also set some goals for yourself. try doing something that excites you, even if it’s small. i know this reality can feel limiting, and maybe that’s why you feel like you don’t belong here. but if you see it as a curse, then that’s the experience you will live out.

what if you see it as an opportunity to discover something profound within yourself? what if the very limitations you feel are only reflections of the state you’re currently in, waiting for you to shift?

you don't have to force yourself to change everything all at once. just start small, day by day.

you already know how powerful you are.

[lawofangie]

hello! I need some advice. I've seen numerous success stories and many blogs claiming that you can manifest seemingly illogical and unrealistic things. I want to manifest a completely different desired face, probably similar to looking like a celebrity. Although many people say it's possible and some even claim to have achieved it, I still have doubts that it's true and worry that I just might be wasting my time. I think part of this is from the lack of success stories with photos that show they changed there appearance and look like a whole different person. I really don’t want to have these doubts because they stop me from trying my hardest, but I can't help feeling this way. I’m really scared i’m just wasting my time and even if I continue to assume that i have my df in imagination nothing will change or i’ll just get very tiny differences but end up not looking exactly like my df or that it could just be a placebo and i’m just completely wasting my time. I hope i’m not bothering but thank you for taking the time to read this! ❤️

there's definitely a lot to unpack here. first off, i have seen many success stories on this app and twitter of people manifesting various things, including appearance changes (with and without photo evidence). i've done this myself with various things (i mention them in another post. i haven't touched my face though). the law works, appearance changes are real. if they weren't, nobody would have any reason to say they were. i think it is very obvious when people collectively disagree on something.

second, i think this doubt and lack of faith in the law is due to the fact that so many people are misinformed and misinform other people. the point of the law of assumption is to make assumptions. an assumption is believing something without proof. there is a quote that says "an assumption, though false, if persisted in, will harden into fact." manifesting is just assuming, people literally just have a way of rewording and misconstruing things like usual.

but anyways, you make assumptions on a daily basis, you believe things without proof on a daily basis. it's nothing new. you're just being informed that your assumptions affect your reality, and since they do, and you have the ability to assume absolutely whatever you want, you should just do so in your favor. not because you need to, or anyone's forcing you to, but simply because it's in your best interest to do so.

this is why you affirm "i have ___" or you visualize yourself having ___ or you script about having ___, because assuming you have it now is how you get it. you're literally just being told that you can use this ability to assume to obtain whatever you want, that's all.

third, there is no "trying". you either have your manifestation or you don't. i'm not sure exactly what you're doing, but if the point of the law is to assume, what do you think "trying" implies? obviously, it means you're working to get something, which means you don't have it yet. the point of making an assumption is to believe something without proof. in this context, you're being told to accept you have it now without waiting for proof. you're being told "if you accept this as true without proof, it will materialize in your reality."

i personally don't really care for the "imagination" stuff anymore, i understand what the concept means, but honestly all these concepts get unnecessary at some point. i feel like if you take it the wrong way, it implies some kind of separation between the 3d and 4d (your imagination), when there really isn't any. believing you have it "in imagination" just doesn't sound right to me. i would rather just accept my assumption as the reality and take whatever the 3d is showing me as false.. which is again, literally what assuming is.

like, i have it, no matter what i see, it's still there. i think about my desires the same way i remember i have a bed when i'm not home. you know it's there at home, even if you can't see it, even if you can't feel it. you know it's yours. you may even imagine yourself laying in it sometimes, tired from a long day and being excited to finally go home and sleep.

this is all that's required of you, believe you have it. you don't need to make something appear, you don't need to try and force something to happen. just decide it's yours, like you're being told to.

you have to literally treat your assumption as the proof, like how you would do with the 3d. you have to genuinely believe your assumption, then the 3d will follow. waiting to be validated by the 3d will never work. you will always fail.

also, i think your ability to stay true to your own beliefs about wasting your time and none of it being real perfectly shows how easy it is to accept something as true despite what you're being shown, how able you are to make an assumption. because honestly, why would anyone be preaching the law if it didn't work? there's no logical reason to not practice something you preach or just admit that the law of assumption is not real.

if the law happened to be some sort of scam, it would be obvious. people would clearly be asking you for money, leading you on with all sorts of rules and twists and turns, they would overprice the hell out of their services, etc. but people like me are literally running blogs to help people for free. (most) people literally run these blogs for fun, nothing more. the motivation behind my account at least, is entertainment. talking to and helping people is entertaining. i have no ulterior motive, hardly anyone does.

people have lives, they don't have time to waste hoping something happens. if the law didn't work, so many people wouldn't be telling you it did. it's irrational to think every single person in the community is simply making claims that may be true or false, someone's had to have done it before.

also, you shouldn't need your manifestation validated by the internet. i can understand maybe seeing if someone's manifested one or two more "challenging" things (things being difficult or easy to manifest is completely up to you. no manifestation is different from the others unless you decide it is or attach some meaning to it.) like, to me that would be some like grades or hair texture. but to you, that's an appearance change.

the point i'm making here is that your opinion is different than mine, we find different things difficult. if everybody can have differing opinions and find different things more challenging than others, then it is not up to the object or specific person, but ourselves. if everything can have different levels of difficulty to different people, then these objects and people are inherently neutral, until you add your own assumptions or meanings to them and the way they operate for you.

so, proof, while i understand you want to be validated, is useless. there is tons of it out there, if not on tumblr then on twitter, but i think having photo proof of something not specific works just fine as proof too. you're already told that you can manifest anything, that no manifestation is too big or small, everything is neutral, you are limitless.. so what's the point? everything inherently has an equal value until we as people decide to change that with our assumptions. if you truly need to believe, then prove it to yourself. obviously no amount of internet success stories will help you, they just make you anxious and paranoid.

often times, we think external things are the cause of our problems, so we try to achieve a goal or make a change without changing ourselves first. for instance, i used to think that certain things would make me happy. like finally getting good grades, having my desired body, my desired weight, my desired friends and whatnot. while all of that was nice, i still felt depressed, obviously my life quality changed, so it wasn't exactly as bad as it used to be, but i still felt the way i did because i still needed to do the internal work.

its your perception of things, the way you choose to react, your decisions, etc. that shape your reality. its all you. it will always be all you, because this is YOUR life. the cause of your doubts and worries is you.

getting partial results can't be a thing when manifesting if manifesting is literally just about making assumptions. if you're assuming something to be true, then it's going to be true.. if you think the law magically won't work for you, that's your belief. if you believe that to be true (also without proof because this is purely paranoia), you cannot be surprised that it happened. that's literally the singular rule of the law of assumption, make an assumption, no matter what you decide to assume, it will be true. WE are the ones suggesting you assume in your favor.

and honestly the more i read these asks (no offense to you), the more i wonder what you guys think manifestation is. do you just say a bunch of words, create a bunch of images in your head, etc, and wait for something to happen? i mean, who or what exactly do you think is "giving you" your manifestation in the first place? why are you receiving anything? is it a reward for affirming enough? for visualizing enough? for scripting enough?

your inability to answer this question correctly is most likely the reason why you have so many doubts. you clearly think someone or something outside of you dictates what you do or don't get.. which doesn't make any sense, neither do the questions i asked. the law of assumption does not work that way.

you aren't receiving anything for doing a good job. there isn't some god or higher being giving you anything or dictating anything regarding your manifestations. it's you. the point of making the assumption is that your assumptions create your reality. whatever you believe to be true materializes. you're just being shown a way to use your ability to assume to your advantage.

i would suggest you build faith, maybe put that manifestation aside for now and at least manifest something with less significance to you, but still specific. something that you can use to help prove manifestation to yourself. then maybe come back to this desire when you feel more confident in your manifestation abilities.

this is really all i can say because there is no way of getting around the way the law works. in order to have favorable things happen to you, you have to assume in your favor. that's really it. however you practice and get the hang of manifesting is up to you. still, this is the only rule and you have to use it to your advantage if you want manifesting to work for you.

[jilyawards]

I think people have legitimate concerns about the awards since every year there seems to be some kind of drama that often results in people leaving the fandom.

The responses to these anons have been passive aggressive and defensive and have only fuelled the flames without taking into account the history of these awards and the ways people have been hurt by them before. You might be new to running the awards, but the awards have a long history that honestly hasn't always been good.

As mods you're hiding behind anonymity, which I understand considering the hate that the mods have received in the past, but it does add to the level of distrust around the awards and if you're so scared of getting hate about a project that you won't put your name to it, isn't that a sign that maybe it's time to let that project go?

It also means I don't feel like I can send you a message that's not anon because I don't know who I'm speaking with and there's no opportunity for open discourse.

We understand people have had issues with how the awards were run in the past - that is an unfortunate fact we inherited when we took ownership of the blog. We can not change the past. We can only operate in the present so we did all we could within our power to make it as fair and fun a process as we possibly could:

We turned the awards blog into a year round thing, we accepted any fic that came in so long as it was Jily. We posted those recs every single month without fail.

We offered the ability to opt out - something that has been used historically - so anyone who wanted to opt out for whatever reason could. We said we didn’t need a reason, we didn’t ask for one because we respect peoples opinions and want to opt out. We even extended the branch to those who opted out last year but hadn’t messaged in this year to say they wanted to opt out again just in case someone forgot.

We offered even more categories for the chance at more opportunities to be named - so that those who write long vs short fics weren’t overshadowed. I will stand and name myself as one of the people running this year if it puts and end to this unnecessary back and forth with an anonymous person or persons. You are welcome to come and DM me.

I Ray, @charmsandtealeaves have been doing my best for this fandom for the better part of the past two years.

I’m sorry if you read our response as passive aggressive. I’ve stated that we wanted to be firm on our stance so you can interpret that as defensive if you want - because of course as one of the people behind the scenes doing all the admin hours I obviously think this venture is worthwhile. I haven’t won an award but I did enjoy the experience of seeing nominations and hyping up my friends. Which is why I stepped up when Ava left. I haven’t been around long enough to know the years of fandom drama and history behind a silly little awards thing, or who has apparent beef with whom - and frankly I don’t care. I’m here to read, write and share Jily fic.

The anon expressed concerns about people’s mental health over not winning. Mental health is a genuine concern and I am a massive advocate for it. However, I still believe if you only exist to create to win one of these awards then you’re creating for the wrong reason. And if you are upset because you weren’t nominated for an award - there is the option to nominate yourself and always has been because nominations are anonymous we don’t release how many times someone was nominated because that doesn’t matter it only takes one - if not being nominated is enough to leave the fandom over it… then I’m sorry but that’s something you personally need to work on and maybe you should start seeing this (being writing fic) for what it is - a hobby done for free and for fun.

I continued the anonymity left by Ava for this exact reason. Because no matter if I say so publicly or not there are going to be people who have strong opinions against the awards and they are entitled to them, and they are entitled not to participate. They are not however, entitled to keep sending messages that we shouldn’t exist because of something that happened years ago and because some don’t think they should exist at all. And I didn’t want that in my personal inbox but also understood that anonymous asks let people ask questions they might be too shy to ask public facing so they stayed on over here.

I’ve been the public face behind a lot of events over the last two years and that hasn’t stopped me getting anonymous messages about how I’m doing it all wrong. Or quite frankly worse ones that were derogatory and personal.

I’ve done what was asked. I addressed the concerns that came in the form of an anonymous ask politely and respectfully given this year’s history. I offered a poll as requested. If you read that response as passive aggressive well… that’s down to your interpretation. I’ve had enough of drama. And from all I’ve seen the drama stems from something I wasn’t even around for and has nothing to do with me, or how the awards have run this year. It has nothing to do with our current existence and the effort I’ve put in this year - both to the Jily awards all year, the gift exchange, Jilytoberfest, every Jilychallenge, Mystery Microfic May, jilymicrofics and the discord.

At the end of the day I’m here writing because I love Jily and I love all the people who come to read and enjoy what I put out too. But I will admit I’m tried of whatever this is.

If you want to, as you say have open discorse, my inbox is there, but I’ve said my piece and I respect their are different opinions but that’s not gonna change the awards being held this year. All posts are tagged so you can block them or this blog if you like. ~ Ray

[xoluvx]

everyone here is acting like they’ve never seen a blurry thigh pic and they talk like children as well as you 😭 you don’t owe anyone anything but why not put your age if you’re not a child? i’m done with people acting like their age is something to be secretive about when they’re posting content like this like grow up! yall get so butt hurt over the truth like how am i not supposed to think you’re a child

it’s the fact that you sat down and wrote this entire thing for me to just tell you to fuck off 🤭 like what exactly do you want me to do with this information? “i don’t owe you anything” .. it really is that simple babe, but maybe i should use my big girl brain and give you a proper response since you’re so desperate for it.

why are we upset that i’m not sharing my age? as far as i know, the only way i could “prove” i’m an adult is by posting my ID. let’s be so fucking for real right now. if you were so concerned about me being a minor posting inappropriate things, you wouldn’t have come at me crazy. think about it.. why would you talk to a minor with that type of entitlement? let me reiterate.. nobody owes you anything. seems like you got “butt hurt” by my response and are spiraling. furthermore, i can pick out a handful of blogs - if not more - that do not disclose their age and are doing crazier shit than i am. but hey, did i mention this is my blog and i can do whatever i want? yeah. there’s that.

you say were scrolling through my page “wondering if my age was anywhere”.. that’s a very peculiar reason to scroll through someone’s blog, don't you think? are you sure you weren’t fangirling at first? i digress.

what exactly did i do “for a reason”? answer your ask with attitude? um yeah.. i absolutely did babe. i may be sweet, but i'm not a pushover and i will defend myself if i need to. come on, we gotta start using our brains!! it seems the only one “butt hurt” here is you. again, i’m so sorry that people seem to agree with me or at the very least, like me enough to engage with my content.

grateful for the scroll? baby, please don’t flatter yourself. i am grateful for my 6k followers though 😘

bonus: this is me actually being petty and going there.. *you’re probably not someone to talk about age and/or how someone speaks when you can’t tell the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’. anyway ..

if you’re still not convinced, just keep reading love.

omg look a legal adult drinking and showing skin!!! blasphemy.

i’m not a child.. so yeah thanks for the (fake) concern. you may kindly fuck off now 💖

[acourtofinkandpapyrus]

My Little Shadow: Part two (Azriel X Reader)

Warnings!: Abusive family, toxic relationship, arranged marriage.

Part one here: Part one

Part three

Thank you for all the people who like and re-blogged my last post! I couldn't believe so many people liked my story, so I worked hard to make sure I had the second part out today! Prepare for two shadowsingers to meet. As Y/N and Azriel meet again, is it the beginning of a friendship, or something more?

The past two weeks had been a nightmare, more so than usual.

After returning to my father’s home, he beat me senseless, afterward throwing me into my room and locking it from the outside.

No one had returned to even bring me food, although luckily I had saved some in a hidden spot for times just like this.  I had thought that one day I would need to hide myself, my mother, or my sisters from his wrath.

I would have never imagined this scenario, but I probably should have.

I was his only daughter born before Amarantha’s reign.  He had managed to keep us off her radar, but it had only helped so much.  And then somewhere in there, he decided that he wanted another child.  Seeing no end in sight to our stay under the mountain, he went for it.

Thinking about back then, about what I had done to keep my sisters safe, I clenched my hands, the old scars that ran up my back, legs, and arms hurting again.

I felt a cold hand on my shoulder, attempting to soothe me.

I smiled.  There was one thing they could never take away.

After I had first learned how to speak with the shadows, I had discreetly done as much research as I possibly could.  I knew that different shadows preferred different ways of presenting themselves, and had seen it myself.

But these shadows had followed me from that horrible cell under the mountain, becoming the only one I could trust.  They take the form of a human woman, most likely one they had seen before who wouldn’t be using it anymore.

I couldn’t make out any facial features, and if they stood real still they looked like nothing more than my shadow, but if you looked closely, you might notice how it seems darker than it should, and that when you look at them from a certain angle you noticed that sometimes they were not flat against the wall, but their own entity entirely.

They helped me stay sane under the mountain, and now they were doing the same again as I wondered what would happen when my bedroom door finally opened.

I rested my head against the wall, the chill soothing my stressed mind.

After only a moment of this, I heard my door make a resounding click as someone unlocked it.

I whipped around, standing straight with my arms behind my back, back to being the respectful daughter.

I knew my shadows had gone back to hiding, still nearby in case anything was required of them.

My father opened the door, his clothes and hair more regal and pristine than usual.

“Get yourself dressed, we have an event to attend to.”  He said unemotionally, walking away and leaving the door wide open.

Dread pooled in my stomach.  Whatever this was, I already knew it wasn’t going to be good.

I put on one of my more plain dresses, hoping to attract as little attention as possible.  I stalled for time, taking as long as possible to do my hair.

Maybe I could attempt to stay with one of my friends until Draven gave up on this whole arranged marriage thing.  Though I had no clue which of them would sell me out for the most measly of rewards.  Maybe all of them would.

Eventually, I could stall no more, my father in the doorway, watching me with dark beady eyes.

“Do I have my sweet little girl back, or am I to have to deal with this ungrateful little thing that’s taken her place?”  He asked, placing his hands on my shoulders as he peered into the mirror, looking me in the eye.

I swallowed the hatred that bubbled up, the urge to take the delicate handle of my hair brush and plunge it deep into his chest.  I met his eyes, letting none of that show as I spoke meekly, “I’m sorry for my previous outburst father, I promise never to speak to you like that again.”

He lifted a hand to stroke my hair, his expression almost sweet as he smiled, speaking low, “Good, I love you my darling girl.  You are making me proud, and helping all of us.  Never forget that.”

I forced myself not to shiver as he kissed my head before leaving the room.

Getting up to follow him, I took a few calming breaths, stealing myself for whatever may come.

After surviving years under the mountain, this should be nothing.  But sometimes it felt as if I had more freedom then, than I ever will again.

Everyone was gathered in the main room, waiting for me.

None of them spoke a word to me as my father opened the door, and we all followed him out.

I had three younger sisters, and to my father’s disappointment, no brothers.  My sisters crowded around me, offering silent comfort, my mother walking at my fathers side.

Was that what my life was going to look like after the marriage?  Living a life in silent fear, with no hope of a better future as I was forced to watch my own children be sold away.

I started to feel sick again.

We eventually stopped in a hall and I recognised the rest of the way, leading the way to the living quarters of Keir.

“All of you stay here, and talk to no one.” My father instructed as he straightened the lapel of his jacket.

He looked at me, and I lowered my head as he spoke, “When I call for you, you will behave like the lady you are.  Or there will be consequences.  Understood?”

I nodded, not meeting his stare.

He made a smug noise before turning and walking the rest of the way down the hall.  Keir opened the door after one knock, ushering him in quickly.

We stood there in silence for another moment before I felt a hand grasp mine.  “It’ll be okay.”

I looked down to see my youngest sister grabbing my hand.  She was too young to understand the difference between this place and Under the Mountain.

I gave her a little smile, placing a reassuring hand on her head.  “Of course it’ll be alright.  It may seem scary now, but remember what we always say-”

We both spoke at the same time, “Nothing can hurt us as long as we’re together.”

She looked up at me, her eyes wet with the beginning of tears.  “But we aren’t going to be together.”

I knew that if my father saw, he would scold me, but I pulled her close into a tight embrace.  “It’ll be alright darling, nothing can come between sisters.”

I let her go, quickly smoothing out my dress.

Feeling eyes on me, I looked up to see my mother quickly looking away.

I knew this wasn’t the life she had wanted either.  She used to tell me stories of her family, who hadn’t lived in Hewn City but had been just as cruel.  They had sold her to my father, just as he was now going to sell me.

Keir’s door opened, and my father poked his head out beckoning me in.

I obediently came to him, and he pulled me inside, shutting the door quickly behind us.

Keir’s taste in decor was awful.  Everything had edges sharp enough to draw blood and there was almost no color in anything.  It had a somewhat normal sitting situation, but what intrigued me was the painting that hung in the middle of the room, the subject of the portate being solidly him, with all of his family except his daughter sitting around him.

I swear I could see where she had been painted out.

“So this is the daughter you wish to wed to Draven?”  Kier asked from the large chair he was lounging in, a disgusting smile on his face as he studied me.

Don’t react, don’t show what you think.

“Yes, say hi Y/N.”

“Hello.”  I said meekly, not looking either of them in the eye.

I heard the floor creak, not realizing Keir had gotten up until he was tugging my chin upwards, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

“Hmmmm.”  He hummed as he studied my bruised face before letting me go.

“I heard about her little outburst earlier this month.  If anyone will be able to tame her, it will be Draven.  You have my approval.”

My stomach churned, and I wanted to scream, not hearing the self satisfied words they were passing back and forth now that my fate had been sealed.

I only came back to reality when my father placed a hand on my shoulder.  “Did you hear me Y/N?  I said it’s time to go.”

I bowed my head, following him out and back to my family.

Apparently, my house arrest was over, because once we made it back to one of the more public halls, he announced he would be at home celebrating if anyone needed him or my mother, dragging her off.

Two of my sisters were quick to rush off, but My youngest sister, Stella, stayed by my side as my eyes unfocused, unable to breathe as the panic struck me in full force.

Stella hugged me, and I wrapped my arms around her tightly, breathing in her scent of sugar, dust, and warmth, knowing that soon I would never see her again except in passing.

“You should go hang out with your friends.”  I managed to say once I calmed down enough.

Her eyes were wide as she pulled back, studying my face.

I forced myself to smile as I ruffled her hair, saying in a falsely cheery tone, “Hey!  Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.  I’ma figure out how to fix all of this, okay?”

She nodded slowly, and I planted a quick peck on her forehead.  “Now go!  I’ll be fine.”

I waited until her scent had completely aired out before I let the tears fall, quietly sobbing as I realized that this was the end of my life.

For a little while, the only sound was my gasping sobs until I heard footsteps in the distance.

I covered my mouth, quieting myself even father as I listened.

My shadow companion manifested next to me, obviously noticing the steps as well.

I pondered on whether I should leave, I had already gotten myself in enough trouble, and I dreaded to think about the consequences if I was once again caught doing something my father would punish me for.

But something about the saltwater, baked goods, and dark male scent struck something in me.  I knew it from somewhere, but for some reason I couldn’t place from where.

I once again looked to my shadows.

There was something we had learned to do.  I wasn’t sure if it had never been documented, or if we were the first to be able to do this little trick, but I had never found anything about it.

I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, I could see the world through a dark mist.

My shadows and I could become one in a way, turning me into a shadowy figure that could hide at will.

I could feel the shadows concern for me, and I sighed.  “I’ll be fine, don’t be so fussy” I whispered right before I stretched my head around the corner, my breath catching as I saw who stood there.

Azriel.

I watched him, standing there with something like rage on his features as he paced back and forth, his shadows curling around his ear.

I could feel my shadows' curiosity.  They loved interacting with shadows from different places, learning the stories they held of other lands.

Sometimes I wondered if they wanted out of this place even more than I did.

As I thought about this I wasn’t watching the Illerian male.  And so didn’t notice when he spotted me until he spoke.

“Hello there.”

I practically jumped out of my skin when I heard him speak, preparing to turn and run when one of his shadows reached me, tugging me into full view.

Luckily with my shadows and I being one, I would only look like a stark shadow.

“Who are you?”  He asked, not necessarily angry as he approached me, his shadows loosening their grip on my waist.

“Does it matter?”  I asked, my voice silkier in this form than normal.

He smirked.  “It does if you were spying on me.”  He said, and I saw the blue siphons on his armor glow threateningly.

This is normally where I would apologize, play nice until they realized I was no threat.

But he didn’t know who I was, and I was already boiling over with rage.

“If I wanted to spy on you, I wouldn’t have been caught.”  I say as I take a step through his shadows, his expression flickered to one of shock for just a millisecond before turning back into stone.

“Then what were you doing here?”  He asked, his head tilting as he looked down at me.

I grinned, looking up at him.  “Well, I was minding my own business when I heard some footsteps.  Really, I should be asking you what you’re doing here.”

His lips twitched upwards as he looked down at me.  “I’m waiting for someone to come meet me, but now I’m wondering if I should reschedule.”

My heart started to beat faster with the way he stared down at me, his gaze intense.  “And why is that?”

He grinned now.  “I don’t think I’ve ever met a shadow quite like you.”

I was trying to think of some response that wasn’t just embarrassed babbling when we both heard footsteps coming closer.

Without a moment's hesitation I turned and ran.  He called out after me, but I ignored it, knowing better than to stay around and see who was coming.

Eventually when I was closer to home, I let my shadows unwind, taking their own form again.

“Thank you.”  I whispered to them, and I could feel their happiness.

Meanwhile, I was once again spiraling, but for none of the same reasons as before.

What had I been thinking, taunting the high lord’s spymaster like that?  There were so many bad things that could happen.  What if he found out that I wasn’t just some shadow?  What if he found out who I was and told my father?

I took a deep calming breath.

He didn’t know who I was, and so there was nothing that he could do to me.

More confident, and something else than my impending doom to think about, I went home.

As I opened the door, my father cheered, “She’s back!  My precious daughter who is going to be our salvation.”

My mother was sitting in his lap, and I quickly looked away as I headed for my room.

“Oh, and sweetheart,”  My father said, drawing my attention back to him as he continued, “The date is set, in a little over a month you’ll be married!”

He laughed, happy as could be as he nuzzled my mother’s neck.

I felt sick.  About how soon I would lose my last scraps of freedom, how even though I could see the well hidden disgust on my mother’s face, she let him touch her, his hands gripping her hips so tight it must be painful.

As I went into my room and closed and locked the door, I couldn’t help but hope I would run into Azriel again, despite the risks.

[landoom]

(I’m the anon who brought up people not liking Oscar for off track stuff)

Yeah, I agree with all of that, I think. I try really hard to check my biases while also reserving my right to have an opinion. And just to clarify- I absolutely don’t think Oscar is nearly as much of an asshole as some drivers! It’s just his particular brand of PR that irks me… and some other things… anyways, not your problem. lol

I may not like Oscar much, not hate, and I actually feel kinda bad about not liking him, but I’m not out shouting hate against him for unfair reasons.

That’s the thing, right? We don’t have to agree, but it’s not cool to spread hate or wish ill upon someone for being a bit of a dick as a racing driver, on or off.

But to be fair, a lot of blogs are a “what you see is what you get” so we can block each other. And people should be allowed to vent… hmm.

McLaren has handled things poorly (race strategy and PR) in my opinion, and so many fans are vocally toxic that it exacerbates every tiny thing.

Some Hardcore Lando fans (kinda somewhat myself included) are so used to him being attacked for anything and everything he does that we’re super defensive of him, sometimes in unhealthy ways. Lando gets A LOT of hate. Way more than Oscar has. Way more. I always have to give myself a day after a race to let my emotions cool down. Just like some of the drivers have to! 😂😛 But I am very defensive of Lando, sometimes to my own detriment, I get so angry at people. I recognize that.

And McLaren has done exactly nothing to defend him, which I find distasteful.

Anyways, this turned into a tangent. 🤦‍♀️ I am so sorry. Ahhhh

(I’m so glad you didn’t take that ask poorly and it came across how I meant it, I do appreciate that we can have a calm discussion without either of us trying to change the others opinion ❤️)

Once again I agree with mostly everything.

Just the part about being able to block Tumblr means people can vent here... Yes but then they need to tag accordingly.

If you really want to hate on a driver, then tag it. That means realising you're perhaps going over the limit and that your words can be read as disrespectful or hurtful.

Because there is something I really despise in this fandom at the moment and on social media in general: how hate is becoming accepted, seen as normal or even glorified (through likes and views, etc...). It shouldn't! People should feel ashamed of hating or wishing harm to other people, especially ones who they don't even know, that aren't hurting them in any way! You can have an outburst brought out by your passion for F1 and adrenalin and acknowledge (like your doing) that you went over the limit. But some people are creating their whole online persona over being a hater!

Also, as a Lando fan too, I can completely understand the part about Lando being hated for nothing or never doing the "right" thing whatever he does. And I agree it makes us a bit defensive.

But we won't fight hate with hate! Some Lando fans are treating Oscar exactly like they are complaining other people treat Lando! I'm sorry but I can't understand that...

[firecrackerhh]

You had a callout post made against you…

And you still think callout posts do anything?

God I wish they did, maybe you’d finally shut the fuck up and touch some fucking grass.

“Some callouts DO need to exist for the betterment of humanity!” Spare me the fucking dramatics! Are you fucking kidding me?

Callouts never do Jack fucking shit! Ever! If you want consequences for someone’s horrible actions, do something IN THE REAL WORLD about it instead of crying online like a goddamn bitch about it for the thousandth time!

I mean, this bitch is still here yapping away regardless of what anyone fucking thinks, clearly the callout on them did fucking nothing, I don’t see how they couldn’t understand this. Callouts. Do. Nothing.

Sure, those posts are good at collecting evidence of awful behavior, but are you gonna do anything after making it? Are you gonna go to the cops? No? Why not? If none of it is actually sue-worthy, if none of you have any fucking balls to do what has to be done so they truly suffer consequences for their awful behavior, then what’s the point?

It at most can ostracize people but they’ll always find other places to be, you cannot possibly get rid of every person online whose a shitty fucking person, the only way to truly get rid of shitty people in the world is to fucking kill them but yknow…that leads to a lot of problems. There’s plenty reasons why a lot of people think the death penalty is barbaric.

Frankly, it sounds a lot to ME like Squid here is more upset that she felt like her callout was completely unwarranted (tho if you really felt that unsafe in the fandom AS A FUCKING MINOR at the time, you should’ve fucking LEFT) more so than the fact that she had a call out on her to begin with.

Like honestly, some people openly share info about themselves online all the time and then act so fucking aggrieved when other people bring it up, bitch if you’re the one that brought it up first, you have no one to blame but your fucking self! It’s not like this rando person “leaking” your info or whatever hacked your fucking computer! I’m betting all that info was already public information that anyone could’ve found anyway.

Like for fucks sake, if this fandom treated you like shit so bad I dunno why you waste your time whining about it instead of ignoring us, Viv. and the shows completely. I’m under the impression the hatedom doesn’t like you much either thanks to your past behavior. The only people who do are probably teenagers who don’t know any better. You aren’t doing anything of value other than being a fucking nuisance, your whining is pathetic.

“Call outs are actually good guys! Not mine tho, even tho the reason why they called me out was because I was obviously in a fandom I shouldn’t be in because I clearly can’t emotionally handle anything about the show and all I ever did was bring attention on myself constantly and start petty drama with people over retarded fucking bullshit and accuse people of doing horrible things with barely any good evidence because I’m an attention whore because no one gives a shit about me irl!!!”-Squidiot if they were brutally honest about themselves.

God please alert this bitch’s parents to their behavior, they clearly can’t help themselves.

Yknow, assuming their parents actually give a shit about them at all. Why else would they be such an attention whore online? Honestly it would be pitiful if they weren’t so obnoxious.

Like god help me if I sound really fucking petty right now but considering this dumb bitch made a stupid call out post on me on her old blog I think I have all the goddamn right in the world to be. Like nothing happened, at all (of fucking course it fucking didn’t) which just proves my point how useless call outs are.

I just can’t stand the fucking self righteousness, like fuck off already, you aren’t better than anyone, you’re just a fucking bitch whose life is shit so you think taking it out on people who you think deserve it will make you fucking feel better. Get the fuck over yourself and grow the fuck up.

“Proshipper logic” Dude…shut up. If you think disliking callouts is exclusively proshipper behavior there’s not enough grass in the world you could touch to make you a well adjusted human being.

“Damn Fire, don’t you think everything you’re saying is a bit hypocritical?” Sure!

Am I saying anything wrong?

I’ll say this much, the difference is simple. They talk shit because they’re delusional enough to think they aren’t and they think they’re spitting facts 24/7, and I talk shit cuz it’s fun. If I’m not bitching about anything, consider me dead.

My whining is just as useless and pathetic as theirs, but I would like to think I have some awareness. I’m not pretending to be 100% morally correct here, I’ve simply never been particularly interested in being kind to people who clearly aren’t kind themselves, no matter how much they bullshit themselves to believe otherwise.

I call out bullshit as I see it. And some people are clearly full of it more than others. A lot of antis are annoying, but some of them are particularly obnoxious where I wonder if they never had to deal with the consequences of being so at a young age.

That or they were treated as such but they were so un-self-aware they legit believe they’ve never actually done anything wrong their whole life and they decide to blame everyone else for their problems because god fucking forbid you take some accountability and take steps to improve yourself in any capacity.

Like I get that there are reasons for why people become who they are but once your actions start affecting other people and causing problems I think at some point you have to face the music and like…I dunno, grow the fuck up?

At least I have the fucking decency to fucking feel bad about how much of a pain in the ass I am sometimes, I don’t think this bitch actually regrets anything they’ve ever done, that would require an ability to self-reflect, which they clearly do not possess. Even if they did apologize…I dunno, I wouldn’t believe it. Then again, I don’t really believe most public apologies. I’m convinced a lot of people apologize more so out of social obligation than actually being sorry.

If you were actually sorry for your shitty behavior you wouldn’t keep doing it. Simple as.

Alright I’ve been rambling for long enough. Y’all get the point.

Call outs do nothing, this bitch should know better, blaming the hatred of cancel culture on proshippers is fucking retard shit, I know that doing the whole “psycho analyzing them like I could actually know anything about them purely from online blog posts” is kinda much I suppose, but they do the same shit to us and Viv herself, so I say it’s fair game.

Just saying, if you don’t want people to talk shit, don’t spread bullshit.

🧨🔥~Firecracker out~🧨🔥

[alilarew23]

hi! i just wanted to ask: is it possible to have a limiting belief that even though i have it in imagination i won’t get it in the 3d? because i’ve done everything right- fulfilling myself and dismissing the 3d as much as i can knowing it has to change but it’s been more than a month of this and i don’t know what more to do. i’ve done edward arts meditations and just experienced it, imagining what my life would be like after i received my desire, making pinterest boards, simply just “deciding” and reminding myself i do have it in my 4d

i’m so tired, i even validate myself and say no i do have it in imagination idk what else i’m supposed to do? i have clearly accepted i have it in imagination and i am being the person who has it but it shouldn’t take this long at all. i want results in my 3d, i have such bad circumstances and it just doesn’t seem to reflect even though i do know i have it.

please could you give me advice. thank you.

(would appreciate if you could help me asap because idk where else to go, im so grateful for your blog!)

hmmm it sounds like maybe because you’re dealing with shitty circumstances and are desperate for external change you may not be embodying the version of yourself who has your desire even though intellectually you know and believe you do.

this is a likely a nervous system thing - i can relate as i’ve struggled a bit with this in the past (ptsd stuff). hug.

here’s a question: say the “universe,” “god,” “source,” “imagination,” “your subconscious mind,” whatever you want to call it came to you this morning and said, “hi bestie i desperately want to gift you _____, but you’re blocking it.”

what are you doing/thinking/feeling that might be blocking it?

the answer that intuitively comes to mind is the right one. trust it.

for me, the answer is usually continued mental/physical strain and tension, which implies force, which is the antithesis of surrender/receivership.

you need to get into the energy of receiving.

for me this means softening of the body, quieting of the mind, and envisioning/feeling the wish-fulfilled as a lovely gentle constant pummeling, like you just keep receiving gift after gift after gift and you’re so unbelievably grateful.

you can even repeat something like, “i am calling in _____,” (even though really you’re expressing it, but that’s just semantics).

but you MUST lose the desperation, the physical/mental experience of lack, the awareness of time.

lose yourself in the state of receiving this week, and see what happens.

i hope this helps.

i do sense and trust you are doing your best. this, here, is part of your bridge. keep following your intuition. it is all working out for you. i promise.

love you!

[artist-issues]

Hello, brother/sister (sorry I found out you existed today lol) in Christ! I just started my own blog yesterday, and I wanted to ask you two questions!

how did you come to Christ? (I am a sucker for testimonies, lol)

how can I preach the gospel on Tumblr with gentleness and grace and love for others? (and how do I not get involved in a keyboard smashing session, haha)

thanks for your time, God bless and have a great day! :)

I came to Christ when I was 15. I’m a Pastor’s kid. So the truth in the Bible was about as impactful to me as reciting my ABCs. But when I turned 9 I started to tune in to the parts about Hell and eternal damnation and freak out about it. So I believed God was real, and Hell and heaven were, too, even though I was living for myself. I started asking questions and praying for my salvation around that time, but it was only to “get out of going to Hell.” I had zero interest in the things of God, or submitting to Him. My top priorities were getting everyone to think well of me, especially my family. So I was super good at saying all the right things and doing all the right things, then behind closed doors I did whatever sinful stuff I felt like doing without a shred of thought for God.

Whenever I panicked about verses like “depart from Me, I never knew you,” I’d pray and ask the adults around me how to tell if I was “really saved,” (again, making zero connection between “saved” and anything except “get out of Hell,” in my heart) and they’d try to explain. But I always just latched on to phrases like “it’s not some sparkly feeling,” and quit panicking and went back to living for myself. But that really is what I was missing—a feeling. Specifically, passion about God, and what He loves, and what He wants, and who He is. That, and submission & repentance 😅

So that pattern went on till I was fifteen and old enough to go to this summer camp. And I was finally away from my usual circles, where I only thought about God in the context of “what does everyone here need to see me doing to think well of me?”

At this camp, the counselors and the teachers cut through all that in like 24 hours. They were like, “yeah, you don't have to give me the correct answer; I know what the teacher just said, but what about you? What do you do, in your life, on your own? What is it like when it’s just you and God?” And between that, and the crazy “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me except God” culture of the whole staff and everyone at that summer camp, God started getting ahold of me.

He started making me think about how everyone else wasn’t just “living for God” as part of their social bubble. They actually felt something genuine about Him. And I didn’t feel that. I didn’t feel anything, and I couldn’t *think* or *reason* or *force* myself to feel what they all seemed to be feeling.   They did this skit, and it was all about how broken sin makes us, and feeling the weight of that, and how Christ is the only salvation, and then that was followed up with this no-nonsense authoritative preaching from God’s Word, about how being “saved” isn’t just from your sin. It’s from yourself. It’s from your *lack* of caring about what is good, of caring about God.

I actually finally realized that when everyone else was out of the picture and it’s just me and God, I don’t care about Him. Even though I know what He did for me. And that felt like the most crushing vile sin of all of them, of my whole double-life. And I couldn’t get out from under it. But then it was super clear: He said He’d give me a “new heart.”

So I asked Him to save me and make me care about Him, and I’d live the rest of my life doing what He tells me to do.    He has done that! Not all at once, but gradually. I care more about doing what He wants, even if nobody in my favorite circles comes with me, than I ever thought I would. And there’s no explanation for it, because I had all of the circumstantial and situational reasons to have that kind of motivation for the first 14 years of my life—and I still didn’t. The only explanation for the change is Him. 

As far as how to talk about it here on tumblr...I've never really started a conversation specifically to lead someone to Christ online. I don't think online is the place to try that—but sometimes the topic comes up naturally because it's relevant to what I'm talking about in a post, like values in movies or if an important truth comes to mind and I feel like posting about it.

If you don't want to get into arguments, the best thing to do is not reply. People here tend to intentionally re-phrase everything you say into something they can buck and kick at, even if you choose your words super carefully. It's because they don't want to have a discussion. They either want to be right, or they want to make you look like a fool. It's impossible for them to do either of those things if what they're arguing against is truth—but they tend to just keep trying if you reply.

I only reply if I feel strongly that others might read the interaction and get the wrong idea about God, or truth, because of the word-twisting of my opposition. However, it's up to your personal conviction! 

My main advice is, don't ever stoop to returning insults. If someone calls you stupid, don't call them stupid back. If someone says something that's just a personal attack on you and has nothing to do with what you're arguing about, you can call it out--"what does that have to do with anything?"--and move on, or you can totally ignore it. And if someone just keeps on re-phrasing everything you say, like this:

Me: There's always more to learn, you don't know everything about what all Christians believe.

Them: I can't believe you're telling me you know more than me, lol, I've got forty years of experience

Then just block 'em. They either don't have good reading comprehension, or they don't want to actually debate in order to highlight truth. They want to debate to hear themselves talk, to convince themselves that they're right, to look like they're right in front of their followers, or to make a fool out of you. None of those are good reasons to debate.

They're looking to discredit you by any means necessary—including twisting your words. See how I said nothing about how much more *I* know than the other person? But somehow they took the point of my phrase and twisted it into a personal attack. That sort of thing isn't worth wasting your time on.

My dad likes to say, "nobody wins people to Christ by arguing them into it." I don't know if that's true, but it has been based on my experience. That said, I think truth is worth defending, and I think we're commanded to stand up against what is wrong. However, there comes a point when it's really just falling on deaf ears and continuing is a point of pride instead of humility.

For your questions, I'd see what the Bible says! 

[blommp717]

I have never done this before cuz I just don't like talking to people due to me being anxious but like damn the very top blog the super long one anout knowing or something? Confused me so much my head hurts and I just go so pissed which is unusual.

Like what are you talking about?? Ughhhh idk why I am here I was hoping for answers cuz I felt super lost and someone on a difficult platform recommended to check you out but now I am lowkey regretting it cuz this just made me more confused. Idk why I am even writing this cuz you probably won't see this and even if you reply I hopefully won't see the response cuz hopefully I never come back here cuz the damn intense negative emotions I got from reading that post was way too much.

Sorry if this comes of sorta rude I am still sorta upset and I myself am not even sure why I am upset. Wishing you the best in whatever you are trying to achieve and teach here but honestly hope we never run into each other again but who knows my forgetful ass might end up back here.

Heyyyy, so I can get why you thought the first post you saw was confusing or frustrating but I think that might have been the only thing you read, it kinda sounds like you didn’t go past the first post or take enough time to let all the information absorb, I do try my best to explain it as simply as possible because what I’m trying to help you guys understand truly is simple, but there are so many little questions people have that end up lengthening the process, and that’s okay we’re all learning this for the first time, at some point I was in your shoes, I was upset and frustrated because I wanted things to work the way I wanted them to so badly not realizing that this entire “process” or whatever you’d like to call it isn’t something that turns off or on.

I’m not describing something out of this world, this is me helping you understand your identity as Awarness/consciousness and the byproduct of that and how it looks. I’m not teaching you how to make things to go your way, but you can easily do that after understanding what you are, in the same way that you effortlessly paint a story that you don’t even like, wether it’s about money, relationships, success, etc

What I want to help you guys realize is not how to master something, but showing you what ALREADY IS THE CASE. I think your frustration also just comes from needing answers so badly and not being able to get them, that’s okay, but unless your taking the time to understand what I’m saying past just one post, it’s going to be a verrrrryyy long and annoying journey for something that truly is right infront of us. I do hope you return, and I actually think your waiting for me to reply, I hope we can talk again, but next time ask me what your confused about and you want cleared up so I can get rid of that frustration, the entire point of me being here is to show you all how simple life can be, take care!

[dullweapons]

hewwo i might spend today on some writing but my blog feeling messy ! so imma go through & delete old ooc posts & maybe fix up my graphics. but also tiny announcements that will be added to my rules . some not major , some kinda important so i would appreciate it if y’all read this ( i will be properly updating my rules when i can get to my computer ) :

🔻 i have health issues i am going through ( my heart has been having SVT episodes. basically this means my hearts being a bit odd & pumping harder then it needs to be ? i’ve having tests done so hopefully we figure out exactly what happened & what can be done . ) which makes me very tired. sometimes i can’t even get out of bed let alone write — so sometimes i will be MIA without any warning . i’m telling you this so no one thinks I’m ignoring them or anything like that .

🔻due to the anon hate i will be keeping anonymous asks closed for a bit . again, my apologies to those who have side blogs & use anon asks to send things in. simply send it from your main & i’ll put them in a separate thread ! i am also sorry to those who maybe be too shy to approach to ask questions but i truly don’t wish to deal with anon hate over petty things. which brings me to my next point.

🔻if you have any problems with me— may they be with how i responded in a thread , how i spoke ooc, or whatever it may be : please talk to me. i will not bite i promise you this but im gonna be 26 next month & i cannot handle people skirting around issues anymore . i cannot correct problems if i am not informed of them ( or at the very least explain myself ).

if i do turn anon back on — it is not the way to discuss issues with me. i understand you may be shy but hiding does not solve issues ( if i miss tagged something or requesting me to tag something isn’t an issues . i will do it even if anon asks. i’m talking about major issues . ) we’re all adults here trying to have fun.

there are things i won’t change — like i’m not going to put nsfw on a side blog but i will tag it as spicy tw or suggestive tw . ray is will always be auto angry at botw / totk zelda’s . ray will hate hylia by default . ( i’ve had ppl me upset at this, thinking their versions of these muses where better & didn’t deserve his reaction . they tried to push ray to be OOC because they preferred it … they quickly left but im using it as an example of things that could have been corrected with proper communication but they never heard me anyway so 🙄)

🔻to my last point : i understand the person in my DNI has deleted . i will be keeping them in my DNI incase they return as they hinted they might . i was informed by their friend to curate my space & i will continue to do so .

[campgender]

do you have any tips for online cruising? I’m new to kink in general but have lost a lot of mobility recently and my ability to socialize offline has diminished so while I want to amp up my sex/kink life I realize it needs to happen primarily online for now…

ooh what a fun question, i’m honored you asked me❣️ + i hope things are going as smoothly as possible for you in terms of adapting to your new mobility level! i went kind of broad here but you’re more than welcome to ask any other questions 💖

ofc all of this is with the major disclaimer that like, i’m just some faggot, i can only speak to what i’ve experienced + read, what works for you may differ substantially & that’s totally okay! on that note this is at times specific to tumblr or a similar posting platform as i’m not personally familiar with grindr etc

it’s fairly common practice in tumblr cruising spaces to make a notes app list or something similar with selected kinks, boundaries, etc, that way you can send it to a play partner for easy reference without necessarily sharing that information on a blog at large (though some people put similar reference lists in a pinned post, which is fine too!) not a requirement by any means but something you might find useful

consider what types of virtual sex acts you’re interested in / comfortable with (of course, it’s okay if this changes). options include sending and/or receiving photos, videos, or audio; a synchronous audio, two-way video, or one-way video call; and long distance app-controlled toys (eg Lovense)

what kind of check-in would you want afterwards, if anything? this can of course vary depending on the person & activity. at the expense of making a vast generalization, it’s my impression that in-person kink spaces promote norms of checking in a day or two after a scene by default (at least that’s what the texts i’ve read across various decades claim, which are certainly biased towards a positive portrayal of these communities in other ways) whereas in my experience (and to my dismay lol) this isn’t as much of a thing online, like there definitely have been people who’ve checked in with me without me asking but they were the exception

it can also be helpful to think about your feelings about fantasizing about scenarios you can’t physically do for disability reasons. there’s absolutely no right or wrong answer, it’s just another conversation i’ve had to hone over time lol. for probably 3 years i wouldn’t sext about stuff i couldn’t do (kneeling, for example) because it made me feel like shit about myself; then for a long while when “stuff i couldn’t do” almost always included “have sex in person,” i got more flexible about that, to different degrees with different people

you don’t have to talk about your sex life with anyone you don’t want to, but when possible it can be helpful to have a buddy (whether they cruise / have casual sex / whatever themself or not) to talk things out with if you have a negative experience or are worried or confused about something. i am very good at construing any situation to be my fault so if i’m triggering it’s helpful to give one of my housemates the basics of what happened & them be like you didn’t do anything wrong / they shouldn’t have done that / etc. i’m also happy to be a sounding board (as long as any ask/dm has the relevant content warnings) with the caveat that i can’t guarantee a prompt response. sex-positive resources like Scarleteen are also good grounding tools for me in terms of like, other people believe in these consent practices too

one aspect to consider especially with D/s play is the (potential) difference between messaging about a shared fantasy versus one person telling the other what to do in real time (for example, “and then i’d make you shake your tits for me” versus “now shake your tits for me baby,” or whatever).

for a lot of people the latter is a different set of boundaries, including being totally off the table. being told what to do, even without videoing it or otherwise ‘proving it’ to the other person, can be an incredibly intense experience and might create feelings in someone that they weren’t expecting

as an example of a boundary i learned the hard way, someone once told me like “shut up, stop typing. do XYZ” & it made me feel like i couldn’t message to safeword if i wanted to. ig just like, even if it’s not a big deal to you be aware that it could be a big deal to others, you know? & if it is a big deal to you that’s okay

personally i tend to tell play partners i’m fine with casual sexting whenever but need to set aside a dedicated time for a scene (for example, telling someone how to touch themself) which usually means scheduling in advance

it’s absolutely not your fault if someone does something without asking, but if you’re interested in subbing, it could be helpful to have a plan ahead of time for how you want to respond if someone just starts ordering you around. there’s nothing wrong with not responding the way you planned, i just feel less overwhelmed & more in control when i’m less caught off guard

as far as like finding virtual play partners i only know what i do lol

go into relevant tumblr tags for what i’m into, sort by most recent posts, read until i find something i’m into, see if that person is looking for hookups. if so check out their blog based on my, like, cruising criteria or whatever lol; if not maybe follow them if other posts are good. repeat

different like communities & kinks & such have different norms for getting around tumblr censored tags, sometimes making things one word or various positions of periods or slashes. “example k!nk” (that’s an exclamation point instead of an i) is a common format, same with adding “nsft” (not safe for tumblr). if you’re looking for disabled play partners and/or disabled porn the “disabled nsft” tag could be a good place to start!

i look in the notes of posts i think are particularly hot (or my own posts) for tags that are hot, interesting, or well-organized & check out those blogs

same for posts that make points about consent etc that i particularly agree with

so you’ve found somebody whose posts you think are hot who’s looking for / open to new play partners, now what? ofc everybody’s different but some of the stuff i look for when deciding whether to message someone:

do they have a tag or similar for serious posts, such as about consent, stereotypes, communication, etc? do they seem to have compatible views to yours?

can they recognize when they should (or when you’d want them to) drop character? some people’s blog personas are “always on” in a way that’s not compatible with what i need; someone adding an aside at the end of an ask they’ve answered to clarify or provide reassurance goes a long way

i’m not sure how to describe this exactly but like, is there flexibility & room for disagreement in their language? this is again a personal preference but while people taking a firm tone & making (unconscious?) assumptions & whatever can still be hot when i’m jerking off or something, it’s super stylistically incompatible with what i want in practice. the play partners i’ve been most compatible with are the ones who’ve answered asks more like “are you into X? if so i would do Y. or if not that’s totally fine, i’d just do Z 💕”

do they express their boundaries with other people?

i hope some of this is helpful! best of luck to you & have fun❣️

[badchoicesworld]

blog guide !!

requests are closed, but feel free to send them in regardless. just expect them to be answered a little later !

this is (for now) an across the spiderverse blog !

please allow me up to a week to write up your asks

characters i write for :

Miguel O’hara

Miles Morales

Miles 42

Hobie (let’s go brit rep)

Pavitr Prabhakar

The Spot

Peter B. Parker

Spider-Noir

general info :

i cannot stress this enough, i exclusively write everything but fem reader, y’all got enough .

that being said, feel free to request anything else at all- when it’s not specified i will just assume gender neutral for the sake of inclusion

trans readers, non-binary, everything in between and all about is completely valid here and i’m more than willing to write about it <3

i do have a health condition that can catch me some days, so there may be times where i’m inactive but it should never be for long periods of time

feel free to get oddly specific with requests ! the more i can work with, the better

but i also don’t mind if they’re just general requests that don’t require a lot of detail

i will NOT write explicit NSFW, i draw the line at clothes being removed unless it has something to do with a prompt (e.g. seeing top surgery scars for the first time), some of these characters ages are not specified yet and i don’t feel comfortable potentially writing NSFW for minors. that is a crime.

there will be some requests i won’t obviously be able to complete for a number of reasons, please do not spam me if this is the case. if i’m willing to fulfil a request i will try my best to communicate with you if needed :]

i have the right to deny requests.

i do wanna say that i am a white guy so i can’t write from first hand experience, but if you request something that includes diversity like a specific race or cultural aspects i will try my absolute best to deliver accurate works. I’ll research to whatever extent i need to (if you don’t already give some information) so i can provide for groups of people that are seriously neglected when it comes to fanfiction and such. and please, in the future, if i ever do fuck up PLEASE hold me accountable and if you can show me what i’ve done wrong and what i should’ve done; what i can do to improve, i would be so appreciative- my goal is to be as inclusive as possible with my writing and the last thing i want is to offend any body of people.

finally, there will be types of writing i can’t do for specific characters. for example, spot, idk how tf i would write like a whole one-shot when my man is how he is now so i’d probably just have to stick to headcanons n such

what i will write :

requests can be either platonic or romantic dynamics, potentially other stuff if you have any ideas. just lemme know ! i do like to consider myself half decent at writing, i’ve studied english literature and linguistics my whole life and i love it very dearly <3 i’m going on to study english as a whole at a higher level (literature, language, linguistics, creative writing)

i'm happy to also apply these headcanons to the cc's, so transgender miguel for instance! just let me know :]

i typically write in bullet points because im a mess

x male reader

x nb reader (feel free to specify if they’re ambiguous, masc leaning or whatever if it’s relevant to the ask)

x trans reader

x cis reader

x spider reader

x mutant reader

character x reader

if you request multiple characters (which is fine <3) i’ll likely default to headcanons for the sake of ease

what i won’t write :

x fem reader .

character x character

NSFW

triggering topics (excluding canon events)

weird fetish/kink stuff :[

hate speech, everyone is welcome here

masterlist :

hobie brown:

how i think Hobie would react to GN!reader calling them their husband casually, even though they’re not married

hobie brown with a transgender, vigilante reader (ftm reader)

hobie admires your fighting spirit (gn reader)

hobie’s punk, you’re metal (band edition, masc reader)

where you and hobie have the most loving connection, but don’t label it (gn reader)

where hobie meets gwens older brother (masc reader)

hobie notices how startled you get when he kisses you (gn!)

hobie realises you’re not as naive as he thought ! (gn reader)

with an s/o that cries a lot ! (gn!reader)

hobie with a snake mutated boyfriend !

hobie with a butterfly mutated boyfriend !

defending his trans partner !

miles morales

miles with an artistic boyfriend riddled with anxieties

miles with a snake mutated boyfriend !

defending his trans partner !

miles 42:

miles 42 w/ an artistic spider-reader ! (masc reader)

miles42 with a butterfly mutated boyfriend !

miles 42 w/ and alien boyfriend !

defending his trans partner !

the spot:

the spot getting flustered by masc!reader

the spot falls into winged readers home (gn)

spider-noir:

spider-noir finds out you’re transmasc on a mission !

helping noir understand trans issues (deadnaming, ftm reader)

with an s/o that cries a lot ! (gn!reader)

noir finds out you wear trans tape (transmasc!reader)

defending his trans partner !

[selestial-princess]

My Other Blogs

@selestial-skies - My Art Blog / I like drawing glowy landscapes and skyscapes with lots of sparkles

@selestial-palettes - My Color Palette Blog / I make and sell themed palettes for the Procreate app (I include color values so you can use them in any other art program)

Funky Little Miscellaneous Links

My ko-fi

My Gumroad

My Patreon

My Cara

Click Daily to Support Palestine

My Warrior Cats Name Generator

My Art Title Generator

About Me and My Blog

I kinda post whatever I want so be prepared for multiple types of aesthetics and media. I am a warrior cats girl who never really got over the series but I’m trying to be normal about it (is failing at this…like so bad). I’m also a big fan of Sailor Moon and other Magical Girl animes so expect a lot of that stuff too.

I live in a small rural town in Nebraska currently and live with my boyfriend Logan.

Also, I have two kitties and their names are Stella and Lucy. I will provide cute pictures of them upon request if someone needs a pick me up!

Here’s a pic of both of them! Stella is the blue/grey tabby and Lucy is the color point and white/ brown and white one. Lucy is also so tiny compared to Stella even though it doesn’t show up in the picture.

Rules for Interaction (just three to keep myself safe and happy)

I’m here to have fun and to make sure everyone else that follows me is having fun as well, so I try not to engage with drama and/or discourse without reason. That being said, if I reblog terfs /exclusionists or have said/done something that bothers you, please inform me about it. I’m pretty chill about admitting when I am wrong about stuff or when I am uninformed on a topic so just let me know what the problem is and I’ll do my best to make things right!!!

I also am an adult woman so I sometimes talk/joke about adult topics, those under 18 years old are welcome to interact normally but please don’t try to talk to me directly about about n s f w stuff. There are other people who are waaaaaaaay better equipped to talk to you about that stuff and it makes me very uncomfortable to be put in that situation against my will.

Anon messages can and will be turned off if people can’t be respectful. Remember it’s a privilege, not a right, and if you can’t be nice you better be ready to have your blog associated with your words and potentially be blocked.

TL:DR

I’m the kind of person who will try her best to be a good person to everyone but I will prioritize my mental health over random people on the internet if necessary

Well, I think that’s it!!! If you have any questions for me don’t hesitate to ask!!! If you want your message to be kept private between us let me know in your message!!! I also hoard those nice messages that people send so if send me good vibes and I don’t respond just know that I’m looking at them when I am having a bad day!!!