#and on the other its also says ///fuck/// the inquisition

[eff-plays]

I got a party banter between Bellara and Taash about how the Lords of Fortune steal elven artifacts. And then Taash clarifies later that they have a Dalish expert on the team so they can check to make sure the Lords don't sell something culturally important and instead return it to the elves.

Like. I get it. You want the Lords to be fun swashbuckler Disney pirates and Robin Hoods instead of actual pirates who steal and plunder. Because we're only now in Western society realizing that stealing from indigenous groups is, uh, bad. But like. Writing really uninteresting factions for your "dark" fantasy (tho lbr Dragon Age hasn't been dark fantasy since DA2) isn't gonna solve real-world neo-colonialism, ya know? The Lords not stealing priceless elven artifacts and returning them to the elves doesn't signal to me that the Lords are total rascally good guys, it signals to me that BioWare itself is trying really hard to seem morally conscious. "See? We know stealing from other cultures is bad!!!"

And man. Not to be a "political correctness has poisoned media" grifter on main (tbh it's less political correctness itself and more the commodification of real-world activism) but I couldn't help but imagine how this convo would've played out in earlier games, potentially even Inquisition.

You could've so EASILY made this interesting while giving the Lords and Taash and Bellara a lot more depth, while also making it clear that stealing from indigenous groups is wrong.

Just have the Lords, yeah, actually sell those artifacts. But also establish that the Lords take in and help elves from all walks of life. That they free slaves, or collaborate with alienages. Then you could have Taash defend the practice by saying to Bellara that little orphaned elf kids being sold as slaves probably don't give a flying fuck about some artifacts they're never gonna see, but the money from selling those artifacts goes to buying them food. And have Bellara fire back that preserving elven culture is also part of its survival, and that there are Dalish clans that would be willing to pay for them or offer something in return. Or have her say that the Lords are doing charity for the sake of recruitment rather than actual altruism. And then Taash responds that those high and mighty Dalish elves don't do shit to help abandoned city elves, just because those aren't part of their correct elven subculture, and they care more about reclaiming old glory than helping the people that exist here and now.

Then you could have side missions or at least codex entries that describe maybe some Lord recruit being conflicted about what they're doing. Maybe a few of them are collaborating to hijack a deal or steal back an artifact. Have implications that some high-ranking Lords are, in fact, using those artifacts for their own gain, despite claiming otherwise. Have some Lords genuinely trying to help, and believing that gold and trinkets don't matter as much as people's lives, so they sell them in exchange for safety for refugees or slaves or some other helpless group.

But no. Instead it's "hey do you steal from my people?" "nah lmao we have a cultural advisor don't even worry about it" "oh wow so cool and woke of you!" And then that's it. No need for any further discussion. No conflict and no complexity. No bad actors and moral quandaries.

Weh.

[aesfocus]

well here is where I am in my life.

That's uhh like 3 days worth of writing. And it's just first pass no clean up, no nothing. How long this shit gonna be? we don't know... yet

[rederiswrites]

Okay so I'm giving @corseque 's super-important audio of all Solas' comments about the Blight a second (or fifteenth, whatever) listen and taking notes as I go.

Solas doesn't think for a second that once the archdemons are gone the Blight will be gone. Which really makes sense because it's the Blight that makes them an archdemon, not the other way around. Supposedly, they're blighted when the darkspawn reach and corrupt them. But of course that begs the question of why it's only darkspawn (and uh, honorary darkspawn like the Wardens) that hear their call. Anyway, the way he says it, it sounds more like the archdemons are a limiting factor than a driving factor.

Varric: "What's so confusing about endless darkspawn?" Solas: "A great deal!" So yeah, whatever the plan was, he didn't foresee darkspawn as a consequence. So did he not foresee them existing at all, or not foresee them being free to cause problems? Worth noting that it's really clear both in general and in Descent that dwarves as a whole were a huge blind spot for him.

He is really really surprised that the Western Approach ever recovered from the Blight. Pretty clear he didn't think that was possible.

He thinks that everything the Wardens have done up til now is a deeply misguided effort that's served (mostly accidentally) as a delaying tactic. Gotta say, with the information we have at hand, this point pairs about as well with the last as a nice dry red with spicy pickles. If the Wardens shouldn't have done what they've done, but he didn't think recovery from the Blight was possible, I'd love to hear what he thought the alternative was.

Same dialogue as above, but when Solas talks about stopping the Blight and when Blackwall and Varric talk about it, one gets the distinct impression that they're talking at cross purposes, because Varric and Blackwall are talking about the experience of Blights, as in, periodic events, whereas I think Solas is talking about THE Blight, that is, its true nature, which is yet untouched.

He thinks Erimond is dumb as shit, which is fair and valid. "That's madness! For all we know, killing the Old Gods could make things even worse!" he says. Well, he knows a lot more than "we" know, but it's entirely possible that he doesn't for sure know this. Increasingly clear that he thinks it, though.

I'd forgotten just how pissed off he was about the Grey Warden plan to kill the Old Gods before they were corrupted. It really doesn't give "hey you're killing my relatives" energy. It really gives "wow that would fuck us all" vibes.

Of course, with a side of my remembering that Solas' besetting flaw was always thinking people should know better even though they don't have access to the knowledge he has. That flaw I WILL grant. He displays it repeatedly--you could even say the writers went out of their way to make the point.

"The Blight is the real problem"

"The fools who first unleashed the Blight on this world thought they were unlocking ultimate power." Anyway yeah those are the absolute core of everything here. The Blight is the real problem and the Blight was deliberate. Deliberately made or deliberately freed.

Even during the events of Inquisition, Solas obviously sees Corypheus as secondary to the Blight as a danger.

Cassandra suggests that the archdemons were really just dragons--"Pets to those who no longer exist", by which she probably means the Old Gods, not specifically the gods of Elvhen, just because of her cultural background. Solas finds this suggestion amusingly wrong--a quiet snort, and "I would not go so far as that."

Last notes: he doesn't sound like he thinks the Blight can be stopped, and he's adamant that it can't be controlled. Which is presumably why he broke the world in an attempt to contain it, assuming I'm right that that was the underlying reason for the Veil. That it didn't quite work the way he'd hoped is also pretty evident, though I wanna be clear that I assume he was working from a place of desperation, and that not knowing every possible outcome of an action is not a condemnation of having taken it.

[cloudcountry]

SUMMARY: to blanc, you are the change he needed, and your pressing secret won't change that.

WARNINGS: mentions of mortality, blood. Vampire stuff.

COMMENTS: ok ok so @vivislosingitagain here is my thought process YOU like biting people and sucking their blood so YOU are a vampire. and HEY GUESS WHAT vampires are IMMORTAL kind of. and im pretty sure blanc is really fucking old so i think mortality angst would work great with him BUT WHAT IF HIS PARTNER WAS AS OLD AS HE WAS AND BIT HIM. that's the post.

also im so sorry if blanc is out of character i have seen this man three times in the routes ive played + the prologue oops.

It’s a clear night. The stars are bright in the sky, just as they were hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Blanc doesn’t know if they’ll ever change, but he takes comfort in their consistency. They’re stationary, unmoving, unshifting, just like him. He’s always been in Cradle, long enough to see the shattering of bonds between the armies and the first Alice fall. He’s seen the skirmishes and the blood and the carnage.

And he’s seen you, the one who followed him into the rabbit hole and into Cradle.

He remembers thinking you were cute. He remembers Oliver scolding him for speaking his mind, and he remembers you tearing your eyes away from him, a shy smile on your lips. You’ve always been alluring, in a way he never anticipated, and it makes him wonder if someone from the Land of Reason can really be magical like the people of Cradle.

It’s no use though—he knows the passage of time will take you away. He knows love (what he feels for you, there’s no doubt about it) is a powerful force, but it cannot break the way the sun and moon rise and fall, it cannot stop the stars from dying light years away, it cannot stop your inevitable aging.

He knows this, and yet he can’t let go. He greets you in the morning with a soft pat on your head, leaning over your bed as you stretch and yawn. His gaze softens when you rub your eyes and look over at him, and you’re looking at him like he’s the only thing you ever want to see.

He’s so selfish—he wants so badly for you to only look at him.

For someone so keenly aware of how mortal you are, he knows he's being awfully flippant about it. It’s the folly of man, to be so foolish as to yearn, but there’s always the possibility that fate will take pity on his poor soul and listen to its cries for his love to stay.

And so, the next night, a night that should be no different from any other, he breaks his routine. He keeps you up late, chatting over tea as the full moon rises in the sky, asking you if you want to go home. He watches you as you go quiet, your previously bright smile fading into a thoughtful frown. You’re staring into your tea as if it can give you the answer, and Blanc hopes the tea will give you the same answer he would.

I wish you would stay. I wish you would stay with me. I wish you would think I’m worth it. I wish that if I had to be hurt then you would be the one to hurt me because I’ve never loved anyone like you and I doubt I ever will. I wish you would be the one to thrust this dagger into my heart so fate doesn’t have the chance.

“...I want to stay with you.” you say, and Blanc knows you’re hiding something from him but he can’t bring himself to ask when you already look so worried.

“Are you sure?” he asks, reaching across the table to place a hand on yours.

Your head jerks up and you meet his gaze with parted lips—almost like you want to tell him but are far too scared.

“You can tell me anything.” he stresses, squeezing your hand gently.

“I’m not...” you purse your lips, looking away again as you choose your words carefully, “I’m not having doubts about staying here, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Blanc holds back his sigh of relief in favor of another inquisitive glance. Your brow furrows and he knows you feel his stare, your cute canines poking at your lower lip as you gnaw on it pensively.

“I have a secret I don’t think I’m ready to share yet.” you say softly, turning back to him, “I will someday. I just...need time.”

Blanc laughs, a sound that's full of relief and love and sounds like the wind chimes that hang in your no longer temporary bedroom’s window, the ones that have been there since you came and will be there when—if—you leave.

“Darling.” he breathes, staring straight into your eyes with so much love, “I have all the time in the world.”

The full moon sinks beneath the horizon and the sun comes up again. The teacups from the night before have been cleaned and placed back on their shelves, and the cake you two cut slices out of remains in the fridge. There are still traces of you within the house—your skincare is still in the bathroom, your toothbrush is next to his, and your chair still has a cushion of your favorite color. None of those things have been removed because you didn’t leave.

You’re still in your bedroom, sleeping soundly, but this time Blanc is there with you, his arms wrapped around you. His body is tangled with yours, your legs intertwining as the bed sheets knot themselves around your limbs. Your head is resting right over his heart, the part of him that’s pounding away for you. Gently, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and stares down at your sleeping face, the face that shows him all of your thoughts and emotions, the face that belongs to the person who loves him enough to stay.

He wakes you up with a kiss on your forehead, a kiss on the bridge of your nose, a kiss on your left eyelid and a kiss on your right, a kiss on your jaw—

He sighs when you start to stir, propping yourself up on your elbows. The bed sheets fall off your body like water cascading down the side of a cliff, and your bleary eyes have never looked more beautiful. He lays there, admiring you in the morning light as the wind chimes chime, the soft breeze from the cracked open window ruffling through your hair.

You shiver.

“Darling,” Blanc calls, placing a hand on your shoulder, “Good morning.”

You smile when you turn to look at him, and you allow yourself to fall back against the mattress next to him.

“Good morning.” you murmur, your nails tracing the curve of his cheekbone before tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, “You look so handsome.”

Ever the charmer, he’s rarely been charmed himself. And so he does the only thing he deems appropriate, and thanks you with a kiss on the back of your hand.

Weeks pass, and Blanc finds himself growing into this new routine. You're a sign of change, that he knows for sure. His own room remains vacant for the most part unless you decide to pull him into his room instead of your own when you’re ready for bed. It makes no difference to him where you go, only that he can follow you like the lovesick fool he is.

Except you’re not leading him to either of your bedrooms tonight.

You’re leading him outside, under the pale moonlight and into the chilly nighttime breeze. He looks up at the full moon and holds your hand a little tighter.

“Thank you for giving me time.” you say, the wind swelling as it passes between the two of you and further into the night, “I’m ready to tell you what I’ve been hiding from you now. It’s...not fair to keep it from you any longer.”

“I understand,” he smiles softly, cupping your cheek, “Go ahead.”

“I’m a vampire.” you say, and it takes his brain a few moments to catch up, “I’ve...found it hard to get blood in Cradle but since meeting with Kyle’s he’s managed to get me blood when I need it. I don’t like drinking from animals or people but it...has to be done for me to stay alive.”

Blanc’s brain is whirring as you spill your guts to him, your mouth moving faster and faster as you explain how despised vampires are in the Land of Reason, how people view them as monsters and how you’re certain you’re cursed.

Cursed. What a funny word to say to him.

“Is that why your canines are so sharp?” he blurts, leaning closer to your face.

You stop talking, bending backward just a bit at his sudden closeness.

“I—I’m sorry, what?” you ask, looking confused.

“Ah, well....I always thought they were cute.” he smiles kindly, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone.

“I...” you blink owlishly before shaking your head in disbelief, “Blanc, I just told you I’m a vampire.”

“Indeed you did.”

Your mouth falls open as if looking for the right words to say, and yet you come up with nothing.

“You can feed from me if you wish. I don’t want you to suffer any longer.” he offers like its the most natural thing in the world.

Still, you say nothing.

And then he murmurs your name, as soft as the flower petals brushing against your ankles.

“I don’t want to use you like that. I don’t want you to be a food source for me.” you grit your teeth, staring at the ground like you couldn’t be more ashamed, “I don’t want to be the monster the Land of Reason made me out to be.”

“You’re not. I give myself to you willingly, and I'll do it over and over again.” Blanc murmurs, hands slipping away from you.

It takes you a moment to realize he’s slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt, leaving his collarbone open to the nighttime breeze and your eyes.

“My love.” he opens his arms for you and his shirt slips off his shoulder, leaving his skin vulnerable—

“I give myself to you.”

And he pulls you into his chest, as he whispers words of love telling you that you can bite him, drink from him, take all that you need and that it will be okay because he’d give you everything if you asked for it, and that you changed his life for the better, you brought springtime’s flowers and winter’s shimmering ice and summer’s warm sunlight and autumn’s delicate, beautiful leaves to a life that was so repetitive and boring until you arrived—a life that belonged to the man you see before you but not anymore because its yours and it will always be yours.

Tears prick your eyes as you kiss his skin, worshiping each freckle and small scar you can reach. Your canines poke insistently at his skin and you ignore the urge for one, two, three, four, five seconds before your mouth opens and you bite down, hoping the small gasp that leaves his lips isn’t one of pain. You’re careful not to take too much but it tastes so good and who knew drinking from the one you loved could make you feel so happy and full.

Blanc looks up at the moon as you feed, happiness and adoration blurring his vision as he thinks about you, you who trusted him enough to bite him, to tell him who you were, you who stayed behind for him even though you could have left.

He stares up at the moon and sighs because he’s in love. He’s in love with you.

And after you’re done, after you pull away and lick the puncture marks to soothe them, after you press a dozen more kisses to his skin, Blanc still loves you. His blood is smeared around your mouth but he pulls you in anyway, kissing you with everything he has because you deserve nothing less than that.

And he loves you.

Over and over again, he loves you.

He doesn’t know how long he’ll be aging or how long you will have by his side, but he knows that if you will forever be his constant, he’ll come out okay in the end.

[internalloops]

DA:TV rant … if you are of the mind that BioWare can do no wrong /its games can be criticize or if you truly enjoying the game and are loving everything that you’ve seen so far this post is not for you. Please move along and if you don’t want me showing up on your feed please block me.  I will not be engaging with any fan that will not allow me to take up space and vent my feelings on the disaster that is this fucking game.

*Also a lot of spoilers!!

.. it’s horrible, like I knew I was going to be disappointed but holy fucking shit …

I’m about to finish act one and .. they destroyed their entire lore … BioWare destroyed their ENTIRE lore /world build of Dragon Age

Minrathous has NO SLAVES !!! They are briefly talked about via shadow dragons but they’re are none visible at all in the city ( but they have the animation to give a poor person “fake money” )

The qunari who literally fought and tried to kill solas in trespasser have been turned into mindless brutes who willingly joined the evil gods … because they command dragons ?

The blight except for one mission is harmless. They purposely turned it into a bio weapon and then (besides the dark spawn spawning from it like something out of an MMO) due to *plot armor, no one actually contracts the blight ???

The black chantry minus one building that you go through in a side quest doesn’t exist? No chantry members , no talk of the black divine ..

Dalish are all engineers now and part of the veil jumpers ( which should not exist lore wise) and all elven magic has been converted into cyberpunk technology and artifacts. Very little talk about their oppression and they are all very willing to drop all their history , even their distrust of solas , to flight the old gods .

Varric Has been demoted to inspirational speaker and narrator he has no other role and the entire team acts like he died , even when he’s in the room with him ( I think BioWare actually planned to kill him but then chickened out ) and is a husk of his former self

Same with Morgan , you can’t interact with her at all and she’s given the same mysterious background as flemeth ( the theory that she carries mythal spirit is very strong right now )

Lyrim potions don’t exist, in fact lyrim doesn’t exist at all besides the dagger. All magic has turned into technology, and if you play as a mage mana just has an automatic replenish rate /cool down effect that you can level up.

Evil gods go back and forth between an actual intense adversary and threat to the world, and a typical Disney villain.

These are just the few I can think of off the top of my head, there is so much more than this …

The game can literally be summed up as Mass effect andromeda x2 with God of war animations and marvel style writing ( not the avengers I’m talking about the recent shit)

Also for the people who want to kill solas or simply dislike him, the game pushes a sympathetic view of him on you ,even your companions who outrightly want to kill him will feel sorry for him. And I’m saying this as a solavellan fan. Yes they’re options to be mean to him and antagonize him, but you won’t get anyone agreeing with your actions ,at best they’ll be neutral about it. Now this might play out differently for those who picked the “chooses to stop him “ option , but for those who’s inquisitions wanted to save him but they wanted their rooks to hate him … you’re not gonna be happy about what you get ..

The only thing that keeping me playing is the reveal of history of ancient elves and Titans and solas’s story. And Assan!! Assan can do no wrong !! Everything else is a slog to get through.

[manicpixiefelix]

head, heart, hand. {Felix Catton/Reader/Oliver Quick}

Part 5.

Summary: Reader, Oliver, and the mortifying ordeal of being known. Plus clubbing, costume parties, and Oliver being a fucking tease.

{ masterpost }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: drinking/intoxication/drug use

A/N: 3148 words. now we're cooking with gas, folks! i might be too sleepy for a real author's note, but just know, as always, its unedited and i love you. have fun, please let me know what you think!

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

"Can I be bold for a minute?" On the roof of one of the dorm buildings, you and Oliver are waiting for Felix. It's twilight, the sky painted lavender by the setting sun and encroaching night, and everything feels a little dreamy.

"If anyone would appreciate boldness, Ollie, it's me," you tell him blithely around the cigarette you're trying to light. Still, he's quiet for this one moment, watching the way you cup your hand around the little flame to shield it from the wind.

"How did you and Farleigh ever get so close, considering how he treats you?"

You're pretty sure you know why he's asking you, considering what few interactions he'd witnessed between yourself and Farleigh, but it's still unexpected coming from him. For a moment, your gaze flicks to him, eyes narrowed, not quite sure what to make of the interaction. When your gaze meets his, he's looking at you with that intent, inquisitive look he got in moments like these, moments he seemed to fish for information without seeming like that was what he was doing. The silence and look that you level at him seem to throw him off guard, and immediately he drops his gaze to his feet, swinging off the edge of the building.

"That is bold," you finally settle on, watching Oliver fidget. His ankles cross, his shoulders slump; again he makes himself as small as possible. You deliberately make your tone lighter when you continue, "what's got you worried 'bout me an Farleigh?"

"I mean, all I'm saying is that he was being nasty to you, but now you're both kind of acting like he wasn't."

It's true; since his apology that Sunday morning Farleigh had been keeping his word about not being too bitter about Oliver to or even around you and Felix. You, in turn, made a special effort to spend time with him, pay him attention, made him feel like your priority on occasion. Both you and Farleigh were well aware of what you were doing, but he always enjoyed your company and attention, so it wasn't like he was going to complain.

"Farleigh and I understand each other."

"He slept with your girlfriend."

"India's not my girlfriend."

"He- he keeps calling you a dog."

That hit a nerve. You hadn't realised he was paying attention to that back at the pub. You swallow hard and look out at the horizon.

"And?" Raising the cigarette to your lips again, you don't look at him as you take a very long drag on it, "there are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy," you breathe out with the smoke.

"Doesn't seem like the way friends should talk about each other is all," Oliver says quietly, notes of apology in his voice; you can see him looking at you again out of the corner of your eye.

"Best friend, actually," you finally sigh, letting the tension drop from your shoulders and the moment. As you look at him over your shoulder, you give a faint smile in the face of his confusion, "we've known each other long enough that we can say pretty much anything we want to each other. Only problem is that Farleigh knows that pushing my buttons also pushes Fi's buttons, which is why he does it so often. He's a shit-stirrer, but you haven't known us long enough to know he doesn't really mean it," you tell him with surprising fondness in your voice.

"I'm sorry for prying," Oliver says earnestly, and you smile wider.

"I'm sorry for being so defensive; I realise how it must look from the outside."

Before anything else can be said, the door to the roof bursts open, and Felix greets you both with a hundred-watt smile and a packet of fish and chips in his hands. You descend on him like a seagull, swapping your cigarette for the hot food, tearing into the paper wrapping and settling by the wall at the edge of the roof near Oliver once more.

There's a beat where Felix is watching you and Oliver, his smile soft and fond and endeared, but there's something in his eyes that's been there since that lunched they'd shared at the pub -

"I shouldn't say -" there's a lot of things Felix shouldn't do that he does anyways. Considering his wealth, he could get away with a lack of self control, "I just genuinely didn't know, I mean I might have guessed- did you know?"

"Know what, Fi?" You're still in his bed, bleary-eyed and desperately wanting to go back to sleep when he'd come back from the pub buzzing instead of tired, as he'd predicted.

He'd spent the better part of the afternoon with his head on your chest, explaining the almost Dickensian tragedy that was Oliver's life. Sure you were listening, but you didn't have much to contribute other than faint noises of interest while your fingers carded through his hair.

There's something about the way Felix recounts all this information to you, the way he finds it salacious and heart-breaking all in one. You can hear in his voice that he'd captivated, that he's endeared by the struggle that has followed Oliver throughout his life. As much as you loved him, you'd watched time and again the way he'd fall for tragic tales and the people who'd recount them; Felix had a saviour complex, and it was the only thing the two of you had ever fought about.

Last year it had been Eddie, the worst of the bunch so far. Like Oliver but in the opposite direction; too much, too loud, too confident to hide his ugly secrets and desperation to be wanted. Eddie had been Icarus, taking for granted the wax wings Felix had given him, the good life, attention, a comrade who almost understood him. But he'd played with fire, played with Venetia too many times, and the wax wings melted. Not that you'd cared; you were the one who spotted them, you were the one that told Farleigh, you were the one who listened to Felix's furious rants every few days for the rest of that Summer. You'd never liked Eddie like Felix liked Eddie.

Oliver was different. You wondered if he was different enough.

Still, as much as you liked Oliver you could see it in Felix's eyes, hear it in his voice; he was already getting himself addicted to the idea of how much better he could make Oliver's life. But Felix had hated it the last time you'd pointed something like that out.

("Then why the fuck would I keep you around? Maybe it's because I don't pick my friends based on whether they're charity cases!")

So you keep your mouth shut. Maybe it's worth it for the way Felix smiles -

"I don't -" Oliver's fidgeting when Felix asks him to tag along to a costume party, "have anything to wear, really," he admits. Immediately Felix is offering to let him borrow something. There's a flicker that looks almost hungry in Oliver's eyes amid the gratefulness, and you wonder if he knows how many people would kill to get into Felix's pants. Still, he's humble, "you don't have to do that."

"I don't have to do anything," Felix shrugs with the easiest smile in the world. Then, in the next sentence, completely glossing over the act of kindness he looks at you, "tell me you aren't still expecting Farleigh to commit to that devil costume with you."

"He told me he'd put effort in this year -"

"He tells you that every year," Felix laughs, and you lean into Oliver's shoulder to explain.

"Me and Farleigh always organise to go to one costume party per year as an angel and a devil -"

"And every year," Felix rolls his eyes with a good-natured exasperation, "Farleigh wears some vulgar t-shirt and two party hats for horns, while Y/N puts weeks of effort in and wins best dressed every time-"

"Not every time," you protested, while Oliver looked faintly impressed, leaning back against you too.

"The only times you haven't won best dressed was if there was no competition to win," Felix points out, before looking past you to Oliver with an amused smile, "so I can't promise you a Y/N-level of costume, but it'll be more than two party hats."

"If you wanna give me two party hats, I'll wear 'em," Oliver says, hands coming up as if to placate the both of you. Instead, you grin wider, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

"We'll make you all pretty, Ollie, don't worry."

Unsurprisingly, on the night of the party, Farleigh showed up to 'get ready' at your dorm, which meant him lazing on your bed, drinking and sharing his coke with you while you put arguably too much effort into your makeup. He, of course, is wearing two party hats, and t-shirt that simply says 'EASY', and though you pretend to be annoyed for all of five minutes, he gives a shit eating grin as you chew him out.

"Fool you once, shame on me, sure; fool you six times, that's on you, Y/N."

You flipped him off with a grin.

"There they are!" India cheers from the sofas where your other friends are gathered when you arrive to the party. Farleigh, on your arm, makes a show of his entrance, "not you, Farleigh, obviously." India rolls her eyes, but thankfully Farleigh wasn't too put out. Instead, he swans towards the group to claim a seat.

"Give us a spin, angel," Annabel insists with a coy smile, and you oblige her to the whistles and cheers of the rest of your friends.

"You outdo yourself," Felix told you fondly as you dropped into a beanbag by the sofa he and Oliver had been occupying.

Felix is looking at you, that kind of dangerous look when he thinks you're especially hot and there's only a thirty percent chance that the two of you will even make it to a dark corner. For just a moment, however, your gaze flicks to Oliver, by his side, and he's watching Felix too, absolutely rapt by the way your best friend looks at you.

"Only in comparison to Farleigh," you shake your head, forcing yourself to be Felix's self restraint, especially so early in the night, "besides, look at you; you've certainly grown into this since I last saw you try it on," and you leaned forward as best you could, looking across the circle of friends to the pretty, redhead in the slinky nurse outfit, "how fucking good does Felix look, Annabel?" You ask pointedly, and you can see Felix give a restrained chuckle before turning his attention to his own not-girlfriend, who seemed glad for the chance to gush about him.

Sitting back, you chance a glance once more at Oliver, and somehow aren't surprised to see him looking back at you. All you do is smirk, well aware of what you were doing.

Felix's clothes are too big on Oliver. The costume, though you're not exactly sure what he's meant to be, kind of wears him instead of the other way around. Felix, of course, looks all kinds of gorgeous as a police officer, while Oliver looked rather like he's wearing his big brother's hand-me-downs. But he's rolls up the sleeves and always looks up at Felix with these blue, doe eyes shining with gratefulness, and no-one else cares enough to comment either way.

You wonder if anyone else has noticed, the way Oliver's personality changes with his focus. It's not in large ways, perhaps others think its like a trick of the light, but the way he looks at others, the way he behaves, it seems to vary from person to person. Tactile, distant, closed off, hesitant, open, honest, warm, skittish, never truly the same with each individual. It's like he watches, figures out what people want to hear, what they want from him, and does his best to give it to them. It's almost painfully familiar.

Oliver gives Felix what he wants in a way you know you never can; Oliver gives him someone to help, someone to feel like he's saving. As long as Felix is happy, you tell yourself, that is enough, and it's easy to like Oliver in your own way. The only problem you've found is that as much as you like Oliver, as intrigued as you are by him, you can't quite get a read on him, what he wants, what your place may be in his life. He's always watching, always searching for something, but you're never sure of what.

So you decide to show him love, show him appreciation the way you know best.

More and more you choose to stay by his side when you're all out, at the pub, at clubs, either of you are not with Felix, or if you're not otherwise occupied by someone requesting your attention, you'll be with Oliver.

Tonight, at the club, a girl from town had been occupying Felix's personal space for the better part of an hour, and by the time he has her against a wall down a dark corridor, Oliver's absconded from the dance floor to get another drink, but hasn't returned. You find him skulking against a wall, half drunk pint in his hand, gazing out through the crowd. When you join him, when you follow his gaze, you can see the silhouette of Felix and the girl, his hand up her shirt through the haze.

"It doesn't bother you?" Oliver asks, loud enough to be heard over the music, but not by anyone else.

"The girls don't bother me," an easy, languid smile spreads across your face, "the girls love me," you amend, smile turning a little smug as you watch Felix and the girl whose name you can't even been be bothered to recall.

"Felix's girls?* Ever-hesitant Oliver, even here and now, sounds carefully demure amongst his curiosity, "do you -?" He makes an awkward gesture, but you read his intentions and laugh dismissively.

"No, no... well," you pause for a moment, "occasionally I have my fun, I suppose, but not like that; girls who are into Felix aren't traditionally into me like that, no," you shake your head with an an missed smile, "but that's why they like me, I'm not a threat, see?"

Even through the haze and flashing lights, you can see Felix's hands on the girl; he's warm and rough and the way he holds always feels so fucking secure -

Looking away sharply, you're surprised by how intently Oliver's watching you. Its genuinely startling, and though he seems to understand this but doesn't look away. For just a moment your breathless, caught up in the night and the jealousy and want for your best friend that you usually have much more control over - your own words echo in your head; I'm not a threat, see? A smug lie, a joke at all those poor girl's expenses since you knew they were never going to last.

Oliver's gaze burns when you finally look him squarely in the eyes; he knows.

"I get the impression people assume a great many things about our Felix," he wets his lips, casting his gaze to darkened hallway, to where you had seen Felix with his mouth on the neck of his girl of the night, but you can't look away from him. Our Felix. "And about you."

"And you?" Your tongue darts out, wetting you lips as you draw Oliver's attention back to you, tone flirty. There's something exhilarating about this man that you can't help but want to tease out.

"Not much to assume," he gives a faint smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, "I'm more the observant type than one whose observed."

"You make the assumptions."

"I make the assumptions," he actually smirks, a bit of that usual gentle hesitation that he approached the world with slipping for just a moment.

"And?"

"And what?"

"Do you have a lot of assumptions about Our Felix?" You tease his earlier wording, but once again his gaze drifts to your best friend, if he still is in the crowd. Them, quieter, almost as if you don't mean to you murmur, "or me?"

"Had."

"Had?"

"Had a lot of assumptions," there's a kind of mischief in his eyes as his tone takes on an air of nonchalance, "'bout him, 'bout you too." As he speaks, you step towards him, hand on his arm, moving steadily higher. He can feel it, you know he can, but all he does is smile wider, refusing to break your gaze.

"Like what, Oliver Quick?"

Leaning in, Oliver takes your face in his hands, bringing you close, sharing breath, lips inches from his.

"Like how they write Odysseys about your kind of loyalty," he mumbled, and you feel like his gaze alone could swallow you whole. There's a aching, yearning that you feel in this moment, when you crush your lips to his. It's quick and desperate, and he pulls back, "like how you show love with every fuckin' bit of that body of yours," this time he pulls you in and it's rougher, it's needy, he bites at your lip and you whimper against his mouth, press yourself against him, "like-" he kisses you quickly, "like- like-" but as you find yourself trailing rough kisses down his jaw, he seems to lose his train of thought.

"Yes?" You prompt with a laugh.

"Like how you're desperate to feel needed."

"Observant," you tell him softly, raising your head, arms still around him. In this moment, his expression is open, watching you, waiting for you to react, "more observant than anyone else."

"You wear it on your sleeve, sweetheart," he says bluntly, but something about being seen, about his unwavering honesty, that sets your heart beating, burning in your chest. Or perhaps it's that he called you sweetheart; it's rare that someone is so sweet to you.

"Then need me, want me."

"I do," this time when he kisses you, it's gentle, full of warmth and unexpected love, and the way he holds you close makes you feel so precious and desired at once, "but not like this, not now." And he's letting you go, despite the way your lips tingle and the damn butterflies in your stomach. You desperately want to cling to him, to ask him what the fuck he means, but he kisses you on the forehead and tells you to get back safe, wearing an almost smug, knowing smile, disappearing into the crowd. You can't even go after him, he's made you damn weak in the knees and all you can do is lean against the wall for support.

Felix and his girl have disappeared.

Your friends are still living it up on the dance floor, you're sure, but you have only one thought on your mind.

Oliver Quick is a fucking tease.

[kairismess]

this is what falling in love feels like.

🍰 genre: fluff ! ✒️ word count: 1,113 💭 summary: what it feels like for sakusa to fall in love for his dear old seatmate. 🍥 author's note: FUCK i did NOT anticipate it to be so long what 🎧song inspo: this is what falling in love feels like by jvke

it's hard for sakusa to focus on what the teacher is saying in front, what with you constantly grumbling and crumpling your scratch paper full of notes and solutions in frustration. he silently reaches over your table and plops a spare eraser he had to you. "please don't waste it," he advises you in a hushed tone, going back to the lesson at hand.

his ears perk up when you tell him a soft, 'thank you!' under your breath and erase away at your mistakes, prompting sakusa to prepare another eraser to sacrifice to you. out of everybody at school, only you never seemed to realize how much warmer sakusa was to you compared to everybody else. sure, you used to bother him a lot during your first year when you sat in front of him, but now that he sat in the same row as you, directly next to your chair, you had more opportunities to socialize with him (not that the feeling was always mutual, but he did often listen to you talk).

from remaining silent, glaring at you, and murmuring at you to please go away, he now remains silent... just with an inquisitive energy to him. it was rare for someone to change sakusa's view of them in a matter of half a year, but that was probably why he had developed such an interest in you. you were uniquely annoying, not insufferable, but you were more energetic than him, had a lot more to say, and understood him at certain times.

it was very hard for sakusa to come across a like minded person such as you, hence, he slowly succumbed to letting you just speak your mind to him while he just sat there, listening. that was the first sign he showed that he had some sort of uncommon feelings for you. komori would sometimes join you two, and even he noticed that whenever you tried to include sakusa in the conversation, he would reply to you; they started off as half-assed responses in an effort to satisfy your inquiry, but then, he started seeming a lot more... passionate about talking to you. it was like he enjoyed being in the conversation, all because you were talking to him.

sakusa would often offer you alcohol by readying his alcohol bottle out for you, hand you an extra n-95 mask if you needed it, and even reminded you often to take some vitamins and wear your jacket when its cold; even asking you if you've eaten during lunch, just to make sure, of course.

he also wasn't the type to want to go home with anybody who wasn't family, he disliked the idea of other people knowing where he lived when he wasn't even remotely affiliated with them. however, when he noticed you and komori sometimes heading home together, he'd tag along sometimes under the guise that he and komori had to run an errand before heading home, when really, all he wants to do is hear you talk and walk with you while the sun sets and the day's about to end.

"so... when are you going to confess?" komori asked the dark haired boy as he got a soda from the vending machine. sakusa replied with silence on his end, staring at the blank ceiling as he pondered on what exactly that meant. "...what do you mean?" "i mean like, admit your feelings to them?" the brunette reiterated, smiling awkwardly as sakusa crinkled his eyebrows. "do you not like them?" "...like in what way, i can say i tolerate them," "no, i-i mean... you have a crush on them, doncha, kiyoomi?" he asked sakusa, taking his soda out from the vending machine's dispenser, while sakusa's eyebrows raised ever so slightly.

"...a crush..." the wavy haired boy echoed, looking down at his and his cousin's shoes upon the dirty pavement. "yeah, they're like someone you think of a lot, like the way they behave, the way they speak, the little moments with them; like everything feels better when they're around!" "...feels better when they're around...." the dark haired boy repeated once more, the tips of his ears flushing a little red. "well, you don't have to figure it out right now, it's only been a few months, take your time," komori advised him as sakusa followed him, heading home with the boy.

that entire evening, sakusa lay in his bed, the same scene of him and his cousin by the vending machine by the dirty pavement playing over and over again in his head. then after that scene, he started thinking about the times he'd tag along silently whenever you and komori walked home together, the times you'd talk to him and bother him during class in your first year, the way you scritched and scratched at your paper whenever you made mistakes, how you never came to school with an eraser, hence he always gave you his; how he wishes you used his eraser every day, how he wished you'd think of him while you take your vitamins, or how he wished you'd remember him whenever you'd wear a jacket when going out in the cold.

and at that moment, sakusa's heart flutters for a split second; the color of his cheeks and ears became a deep hue of crimson...

"hey, kiyoomi, do you—" komori was about to ask sakusa for something when he came into his room, only to see his usually stoic cousin blushing hard in bed, his eyes glued to the ceiling as he had his hands clasped over his chest. "uh... y'good?" "...motoya, i think i have a crush," sakusa decided, slowly sitting up from the bed, his blush deepening into a scarlet hue as he looked at his brunette cousin; a dopey smile on the brown haired boy's face, he was in complete and utter disbelief at this news. "w-wow, great!" "it's not great..." sakusa insisted, his blush persisting as he furrowed his eyebrows and lay back down.

"a-and... why not?" komori asked, looking at his cousin with a confused glimmer in his eyes. "...because then i'll shake every time i hand them an eraser, i'll have a crack in my voice every time i reply to their questions, and i'll wanna be close whenever we walk together," sakusa listed down, his blush becoming a tart shade. komori chuckled and was about to leave. "well, my question can wait, but... that's completely normal, kiyoomi, i'll help you out with them!" "please, don't..." sakusa pleaded, flopping over onto his stomach, his face burrowed in the pillows. "...i'll start to think i actually have a chance, and that's the worst kind of feeling."

[queenie-official]

Part Two Of Summer Love: ‘The Lie’

series masterlist celebration event camp logo

pairing: Modern!Anakin Skywalker x fem!reader

word count: 11k next part

Monday, 5:00 a.m.

"way too fucking early" you grumbled to yourself staring at the date and time on your phone.

"you'll get used to it" Padme says; walking into the room already dressed for the day with wet hair she was letting air dry.

you groan, every cell in your body screaming at you to crawl under the blankets and go back to sleep. you could actually do that, campers won't arrive till 8:30; of course, if you did go back to sleep now you won't have time for a shower beforehand unless you skip breakfast.

"what are you plotting over there?" Padme asked with an energy you envied, you look over at her wondering how anyone could be so peppy this early.

"world domination" you answer dryly, falling backwards and letting out a soft 'oof' as your back hits the mattress.

"pretty bold plans for someone who can't even get herself up to use the bathroom" she quips; you grab the pillow from beside you and chuck it vaguely in her direction not bothering to aim because that would mean having to properly get up.

"you'd be surprised what you can get done lying down" you argue only to get smacked in the head by the same pillow you just threw.

"Yeah, like what? more sleeping" you hear her say, the words muffled because you don't bother moving the pillow off of your head.

"also napping, dozing, snoozing, resting- the list goes on really" she pulls the pillow off of your face and gives you an inquisitive look.

"first of all, those are all synonymous. second of all i'm not letting you rot in the bed and skip breakfast" you close your eyes letting out an annoyed whine. "let's go, up and at em" she grabs your hands and starts pulling you up; instead of helping, you relax your body completely forcing her to deal with your dead weight.

she groans but doesn't relent, shifting to let gravity do most of the work and aid her in getting you up. "this trick doesn't work on me y/n, i did it on my older sister growing up" she grunts, somehow pulling harder now. "and guess what she figured out the trick to winning, now i know too" she finally gets you up with one last tug and you slam into her from the momentum.

you both yelp then Padme stumbles backwards causing you to trip on her feet and the next thing you know you're both on the floor. a tangled mess of limbs and wheezing laughter.

"you're stronger than you look Amidala" she giggles then gently pushes you off of her.

"and you're heavier than you look" you gasp dramatics in full swing now.

"how rude" you huff, pulling yourself up from the floor and pretending to storm off angrily. grabbing your shower supplies on the way out.

you drop the act when you turn to close the door behind you smiling brightly at her and sharing one last laugh.

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝

its easy to forget you and Padme have a third roommate, not just because you two spend all of your time together when you're in the shared room or the fact you both pretend she doesn't exist but mostly because Jasmine seemed pretty content with you guys ignoring her- with everybody in the camp ignoring her in fact.

whenever you ended up in a room alone with Jasmine she would remove herself from the situation. sometimes physically, other times by just busying herself with her phone.

this unspoken system worked great for the entirety of staff week, unfortunately, now campers were going to be introduced. which meant you had to put aside your morals and differences in order to communicate with one another. the campers' safety came first, so an exchange of numbers was in order.

after your shower, and once breakfast was over all the staff stayed in the Log hall for a final speech from the Camp directors before the Campers finally arrived. during this time you all exchanged numbers with one another. obviously you didn't have everyone's number but you all had enough to be able to communicate with one another through at the very least a mutual.

the number you were currently staring at belongs to Jasmine. Padme had given it to you, she bit the bullet and asked her for it while you were busy smiling at the number you'd just received from Anakin.

"i wish i didn't delete her number from my phone after camp last year, then i wouldn't have had to talk to her at all. i just really thought she wouldn't be back this year." Padme sighed. she was sitting next to you, hunched over and leaning into your side. it was like the exchange with Jasmine drained all the energy she had for the day.

"i could have asked her for us" you honestly felt guilty she was the one who did it. as much as you didn't like Jasmine you at the very least had the advantage of not truly knowing her like the rest of the camp did, it would have been easier for you to pretend.

"if i can prevent you from ever having to interact with her one on one, i would do it again one hundred times" she says while turning off her phone, she had to unblock the number once it was added again.

you could only hope that you'd never have to use her phone number. Padme said that it was probably unlikely as long as Jasmine doesn't lose the kids she's in charge of and vice versa, and as long as an emergency doesn't arise.

emergencies weren't a common occurrence at Camp Wookiee and the staff took great pride in that fact, so as far as you were concerned this meant you'd be able to remain contact-free with Jasmine. what could possibly go wrong right?

“you two look rough" Rex's voice pulls you and Padme's attention away from each other and your thoughts.

"thank you Rex, that's just what every lady wants to hear first thing in the morning" Padme's voice was dripping with sarcasm, a sour look on her face as she glared at the man who now sat in front of you two.

"happy to be of service" he answers back just as sarcastically. it's not long before Anakin and Ben find and join you guys.

Ben sat beside Rex and elbowed him in the ribs as a greeting. "the hell was that for!" Rex grumbled and Ben just shrugs.

"you probably deserved it judging from the looks on their faces" he answers with the cross of his arms and a smile. you don't bother hiding your own smile that grows on your face, the corner of your mouth twitching from the urge to giggle.

"you guys ready for the campers to arrive?" Anakin asks from beside you. his choice to sit beside you any chance he got no longer phased you but it still confused you. especially when there was an open seat right beside Padme, you chalked it up to him being nervous to sit next to her.

"yep, we got the list of names from Bail this morning; i've got a lot of returning campers to look after" Padme spoke up first and Anakin leaned in closer towards her, what good it did with you in the middle of them you didn't know.

you leaned back only slightly, fighting off the warmth in your cheeks from how close his face was to yours. his lashes were long and there was the cutest little mole on his chin that you hadn't taken the time to truly notice before.

Ben cleared his throat and Anakin pulled back to look at him, you internally thanked him when you noticed he'd done it for you. you hadn't even realized you'd been holding your breath and took the space from Anakin to breathe again calming your racing heart.

his brows furrowed and he grumbled a 'what' to Ben who just rolled his eyes at his friend's ignorance. Padme nudges you and you can see the knowing smile on her face out of the corner of your eye.

"who'd you get for campers y/n?" Rex asks curiously. you honestly hadn't checked yet, it didn't feel necessary until you were face-to-face with all of the campers anyway. it's not like you'd be able to recognize them.

you pull out your phone and open the messages app to Bail's contact after swiping out of Honey's chat. there's a hitch in Anakin's breath from beside you that you decide not to address. "uhh here you guys can just look, i won't know who they are anyway" you hold your phone out to them.

a smile grows on Ben's face when he sees the name of one of the campers "ooo Anakin's gonna be mad about this one" he points at the screen and Rex snickers.

Anakin reaches over and snatches the phone from you, you take a moment to process what just happened before turning to the boy with an annoyed look on your face.

"no way!! You got Ahsoka" you squish your face next to his to look at your own screen, you feel him tense for a moment at your action before he forces his body to relax.

"who is she?" you ask curiously pulling back as he hands you your phone back.

"only Anakin's favorite Camper" Padme answers and you raise a brow. "he's had her the last two years working here." she continued and you turn to him for confirmation.

he has his arms crossed and the beginning of a frown starting to form on his face. "yea and i figured she wasn't coming back this year because she wasn't on my list" he's fully frowning by the end of the sentence.

"Why is she your favorite?" you ask curiously, Ben speaks up before Anakin can.

"honestly she's almost everyone's favorite. Ahsoka's the one kid you never have to worry about following the rules. she even helps the other kids stay in check." Ben answers before Anakin can.

"well maybe she chose the crafts center as one of her activities- and even if she didn't you'll be able to talk to her during breakfast and lunch." you say in hopes of making him feel better.

Anakin opened his mouth to respond but was swiftly interrupted when you were all called to attention by Qui-Gon. the campers had just arrived and were loading off of the Buses.

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝

when you first had lunch with all of the staff members last week it was incredibly loud and there were only forty of you. now as you stand in front of 100 ornery children you realize just how quiet you guys were in comparison.

The second the campers were loaded off of the bus camp director Windu led them to Center hall also referred to as the camp auditorium. the kids had already been told who their camp counselors were and to ensure each kid was where they belonged you were instructed to look over the roster that was given to you on the way into the hall and check off each name.

the way this worked was simple, there were twelve kids per cabin. Padme, Jasmine, and you were responsible for all twelve kids at Naboo cabin. however, to make things easier each counselor was given four names out of the twelve to look after in particular. so theoretically you only had four kids to worry about.

the three of you stood off to the side waiting for your names to be called so your campers knew where to go. it was awkward, Jasmine stood directly beside you and no one was allowed on their phones. so the usual method of escape was a no-go.

the silence from all three of you was loud. Padme kept busy with the clipboard in her hands fiddling with the pen chained on it. you had reread the twelve names on the list at least twenty times already in lieu of making the situation any more uncomfortable.

Padme and you both shared a breath of relief the second your names were finally called and saw kids stand up and head towards your direction. you both put on your best fake smile and prepared for the fact you'd now have to pretend to like Jasmine at least a little bit.

"Hey everyone!" Padme started off the introductions. "i see a few familiar faces from previous years and some new ones. here at Camp Wookiee we welcome all" she said with a sugar-sweet smile, most of the kids seemed to like her.

you couldn't help but notice the two boys in the back who were snickering to each other though. you made a mental note to keep an eye on them. "let's do roll call" Jasmine spoke up, this was the first time you'd heard her voice and boy was it weird. it felt almost wrong to hear.

what truly shocked you was how cheery she sounded, it's not like you'd really given much thought as to what she sounded like but if you had to guess that never would have been it. talk about a direct contrast from everything you know about her and how she portrayed herself.

Padme looks down at the clipboard in her hand "alright here's how we're gonna go about this, when i say your name you say here and i'll check you off as present. when your name is called the counselor who will be looking after you will raise their hand for you to join their side, of course all three of us will be here if you need something though so don't think you're limited to just your sole carer."

it was interesting to see this side of Padme, she'd always been a tad on the serious side but there was always a more joking aura to her. As she spoke now it felt like encountering some type of politician- okay maybe that was a stretch but honestly, she was a great leader and it showed in the way she spoke to them.

"Ahsoka" Padme read off first, you raise your hand and she greets you with a smile as she walks to stand by your side. "Aubrianna" she says next and you raise your hand once again.

"you can call me Aubri" she corrects and Padme nods, then writes 'Aubri' next to her name. the little girl smiles proudly and comes to stand at your side next to Ahsoka.

"Colton" the shortest boy of the bunch, steps forward and over to the small group forming next to you when he sees your hand raised. he doesn't say anything, looking rather overwhelmed by all of this. you watch as Aubri tries to spark up a conversation with him and he practically folds in on himself.

you softly call Aubri's name and she happily turns to you, a small gesture for her to come over to you and she's giddily rocking on her feet standing directly at your left side. Colton relaxed the second he was alone again and although he didn't say anything you can tell he felt relieved.

Just about every other kid in the group is named before you get the last one for your group. "Zion" Padme finishes with a smile. he was one of the kids snickering earlier, Zion drags his feet over clearly not happy about the arrangements.

the friend he was snickering with, Matteo, was one of the kids under Padme's responsibility. followed by Lily, Quinn, and Ren.

Jasmine got the most boys out of the group to look after. Henry, Jason and Theodore- well Theo actually, that's what he told Padme he preferred to be called. then there was Mia, the one girl assigned to her, she seemed like a sweetheart honestly. not even the look of a complaint on her face when she skipped over to the group.

"Alrighty well now that everyone is accounted for we can get started" Padme was once again the first to speak, very much the natural leader of the Naboo cabin. "we are gonna show you guys around as one big group and then we can split off for free time before lunch, how's that sound?"

Matteo raises his hand and Padme gives him a small nod as a signal to go ahead. "are we gonna be able to hang out with whoever we want during free time?" Padme's brows crease slightly at the question, a sympathetic look growing on her face that makes the boy's instantly sour in turn.

"sorry but we're going to be dividing so that your primary counselor can get to know you better" Matteo scoffs with the most annoyed look an eleven-year-old can muster.

"that's stupid!" he shouts and crosses his arms pouting. Padme doesn't deter nor does she take offense by his very clear distaste towards her at the moment.

"i'm sorry you feel that way, i understand how frustrating it can be to do something you don't want to do, especially when you just want to hang out with your friends." she lowers herself slightly to his level while speaking "but i have to remind you that stupid isn't a nice word and we don't use mean words here."

Matteo seems to fluster in embarrassment at the way Padme is talking to him like a small child, which of course he was but no middle schooler ever wants to admit something like that. "if i promise that we'll have free time later where you'll be able to hang out with your friend, do you promise not to use that word?" she gives him the ultimatum and he doesn't seem sure what to say clearly having expected more of a fight.

it's only when Zion starts laughing that he seems to snap out of it and mutter a quick 'whatever'. Padme is quick to move on from the situation and redirects the whole group to start heading outdoors.

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝

you plop down on one of the picnic benches near the Camp's Lake. you'd all just finished the tour and gone in your separate directions. Ahsoka, and Aubri seem to get accustomed to you quickly. they both sat directly in front of you and befriended one another instantly.

Colton and Zion on the other hand were proving to be difficult. Zion didn't wanna talk to anyone not out of shyness but simply because he didn't think you guys were worth his time, rather than sitting with the group he sat as far as you would let him. in other words against the nearest tree.

Colton's lack of words was a little bit of shyness and lack of interest, but he at least made the effort to sit with the group. he was on your side of the bench about an arm's length away from you every so often throwing you a glance like he wanted to say something but wasn't sure.

you wanted all the kids to get along but it's not like you could force them to enjoy each other's company, so you decided to do the next best thing. work on getting along with them individually and work your way up.

since the girls were busy chatting and Zion was content sitting by himself and chucking rocks into the lake you decided Colton would be the first on your list to befriend. you just had to figure out how to approach him without scaring him away.

"i like your shirt" you start simple. at first he doesn't acknowledge you but when he realizes that statement is directed to him he finally turns to look at you.

"t-thanks, it's umm Gravity Falls" his eyes are darting back and forth between your face and the ground unsure how much eye contact was considered too much.

"i love Gravity Falls, Waddles is my favorite character" You watch his eyes light up and know you've nailed it.

he scoots slightly closer to you and points to Bill on his shirt "He's my favorite!" he says happily there's a big smile on his face as he flaps his hands excitedly at his sides.

there's almost an instant switch with how quickly He opens up to you- sure it was just him excitedly rambling on about the show but that's a lot of progress from him not talking to you at all. also, you weren't lying when you said you loved the show so it was just as fun for you to listen to him talk about it and discuss theories.

"Hey Snips!" you and Colton's conversation gets cut by Anakin's voice yelling towards your group. Ahsoka's head snaps behind her so quick you're shocked she doesn't get whiplash.

"Skyguy!" Ahsoka cheers perhaps a little too loud as both you and Colton flinch. Colton instinctively covers his ears, squeezing his eyes closed until the noise dials down.

Anakin and Ahsoka share a bear hug before pulling apart. Anakin does what any annoying older brother would do and places his hand on her head tussling her hair, she huffs and shoves his arm away making him snort.

the rest of Anakin's campers finally catch up to him, he must have jogged ahead of them when he spotted Ahsoka. while the two seem to catch up you wave his campers to come join yours, and they happily oblige.

Zion starts talking to the boys and Aubri the girls. oh how you don't miss being a kid when boys thought they couldn't be friends with girls, you had to hold back a laugh at the thought they still might think cooties existed. Colton hadn't left your side, now preferring your company rather than being alone.

you didn't mind, now you had a buddy and if you could provide a space he felt safe to be in that's all that mattered. Anakin Plops down in his usual spot right beside you as always invading your personal space. "so how's she treating you?" he asks Ahsoka while nudging you with his elbow.

Ahsoka takes a minute to access the interaction between you guys before a smug smile appears on her face. "pretty good, we haven't talked much yet but i think that's gonna change pretty soon" Interesting phrasing you weren't going to question her though.

Anakin throws his arm around your shoulder pulling you into him. your face burns and you're pretty sure your heart just stopped altogether before kicking into overdrive, should it be beating that fast? "You're gonna love her" he tells her and gives you a squeeze.

literally what was happening, you two hadn’t even hugged before let alone whatever this was. maybe this was just some one-off thing because he was excited. you let out a nervous laugh but don't push his arm away from you. he put it there what harm could it do to enjoy it?

Ahsoka's eyes lock in on his arm and you can see the gears turning in her head, she's definitely plotting something. you clear your throat feeling like if you spoke beforehand nothing would have come out. "Ahsoka what activities did you choose?" you ask, trying to pivot the conversation just a tad.

"Arts and crafts, Zip lining, Archery, sports, and woodshop" Anakin smiles brightly when she lists off crafts first, looks like he would be able to talk to her more than he thought.

he lets his arm slide off your shoulders making you feel disappointed as much as you are relieved. "you're in for a treat then, you're gonna have to deal with me and Rex" Ahsoka grimaces slightly.

"in the same room? you're both idiots though" you choke on your spit unable to hold back your laugh.

"hey we aren't that bad!" Anakin defends himself looking back and forth between you two as if you'll stop laughing and back him up.

"just the other day you and Rex were fighting over friendship bracelets" you laugh and he dramatically lets his mouth drop open in faux shock that you would further smear his name.

"friendship bracelets really Anakin" Ahsoka deadpans at her former counselor and shakes her head in disappointment.

"hey he started it, i was just defending myself" you hear her mutter 'and you’re the adult' as well as Anakin mumbling 'snippy' right after. suddenly the nickname made more sense you just smiled and turned away briefly to examine all the kids and make sure they weren't doing anything they shouldn't be.

they were all chucking rocks in the lake now, attempting to skip them rather unsuccessfully. except Colton who remained on the other side of you, comfortably swinging his legs back and forth occasionally knocking his shoes together so they would light up.

"who's this?" Anakin asks, turning to get a better look at the little boy beside you. Colton doesn't acknowledge him, he was either in his own world or just simply didn't want to talk to him.

"this is Colton" he turns to look at you slightly when his name exits your mouth but shys away when he sees Anakin looking at him.

Anakin's face flashes with recognition before a small smile appears on his face. "Cool name, when i was little i had a stuffed Dolphin that i named Colfin which is like the same name if you think about it" Colton wrinkles his nose in disapproval.

"it's not the same though and i don't like dolphins" he says rather bluntly Anakin doesn't deter and just nods in acknowledgment.

"the bullies of the sea right?" Anakin asks and Colton nods. "how about sharks?"

Colton ponders the question over for a minute "they're cool but i prefer Jellyfish" there was a brief glint in Anakin's eyes that looked an awful lot like he was going to tease him but ultimately decided against it.

"why jellyfish?" he asks instead which results in Colton's undivided attention ready to explain his stance without a second thought.

"they're the coolest marine animal- did you know there's a type of jellyfish that's immortal!" he's speaking animatedly now explaining how the jellyfish can revert to a younger state by reprogramming its cells.

the key to getting Colton to open up was simply just having a conversation he wanted to participate in. the four of you keep the convo alive while the other kids play exchanging questions as well as your likes and dislikes. it was a peaceful way to spend the rest of free-time.

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The rest of the day went by smoothly, all of the kids were getting along well, Zion got his hang out with Matteo at the bonfire later in the evening and you were right to think they were troublemakers. one of the first things they did was find a stick that they tried to set on fire with the intent to chase the other around with it.

safe to say you and the other camp staff did not let that happen, the second they got close to the fire their plan was snuffed. thankfully that was the only real concern that arrived today and currently, you were helping the campers settle into the cabin.

Padme was helping too and as much as you'd like to give Jasmine the benefit of the doubt and say she was helping too, that would be a lie. in truth she seemingly abandoned her kids once they were all in the cabin and went to your shared staff bedroom. it's not like you needed her help and even if you did the rooms were directly connected so she'd be able to hear, but it was the principle of the matter.

you were all responsible for these kids and even though she seemed to handle them fine it was clear she couldn't care less. honestly why was she here? you try not to let your frustrations show as you help one of Jasmine's Campers, Theo, set up his bed.

"alrighty kids lights out at Ten so you all have a little over an hour to just talk and settle in for the night" Padme announces from somewhere behind you as you finish up.

all the kids give her their own versions of okay and continue with their conversations. Theo thanks you and jumps onto his bed with one of the other boys Henry. it was always nice to see how quickly kids were able to befriend each other.

you glance around the room and relax, no unhappy kids that's a win for the day. even Colton was chatting away, him and Ahsoka seemed to get close. the conversation during free time earlier definitely helped.

"we can leave them alone now y/n" you turn to Padme, she's smiling at you from the doorframe ready to head into the other room. you nod and follow after her. plopping onto your bed and truly relaxing for the first time today.

"tired?" she snorts and you turn to her. she's braiding her hair in front of the mirror for the night.

"definitely, you aren't?" she shrugs in response, finishing off the braid and tying it with a small elastic.

"it'll hit me more in the morning when we have to get up early again" she states while walking over to close the door so she can change. you groan already dreading it. "it's not like we'll have to be up as early as we were today" she offers thinking it would make you feel better. it doesn't.

"why did i choose a summer job that requires me to be up this early" you put your hands on your face dragging them down dramatically. "i'm not built for this Padme" she giggles and sits down next to you on your bed.

"you'll be fine, you've just gotta whine about it first" she snorts and you smile, kicking off your sneakers and scooting over more so she can have more space. she takes the invitation and lays beside you so you're both shoulder to shoulder.

"gosh you're starting to know me too well" you laugh, turning on your side so you guys can look at each other better while speaking.

"ooo is Honey gonna get jealous?" she jokes while turning onto her side as well.

"she'd probably be more jealous of me than you" Padme's brows shoot up in confusion.

"She totally thinks you’re amazing and insisted i become besties with you so she can as well through association" You pull your phone out and go onto Honey's chat to show Padme the messages between you two during one of your debrief sessions.

Honey🍯💛: 'i think i’m in love with your cabin mate y/n ngl'

you: 'she's amazing right?'

Honey🍯💛: 'the total package honestly, you have to become besties with her 🙏🙏 i'm not exaggerating when i say i need her energy in my life'

you: 'wow im chopped liver i see'

Honey🍯💛: 'never you'll always be my number one 😚😚'

"oh my gosh" she laughs while reading over everything. "you two are something else"

"friendship goals you mean?" you swipe off of the app and let your phone fall from your hand once you switch it off.

"oh absolutely, i honestly wish i had a friend where i was that comfortable with them. im close with my friends but not that close" you gasp in faux offense at her words.

"i thought we had something" you fake sniffle, pushing your lips into a pout. your ready to put on the most dramatic performance of your life when Padme lets out a loud laugh at your antics.

you break character and smile, she's quick to pull you into a hug. "we definitely have something" you cheer while hugging her back and she laughs more.

you hear your phone ping and pull out of the hug to answer. "is it Honey?" she ask curiously, peering over to look at your screen. your frozen in place from the contact name that appears, Padme on the other hand is smiling like a madwoman. "you okay there y/n?" she asks teasingly.

"why wouldn’t i be it's just Anakin" you do your best to brush it off, but the flush in your cheeks and panic in your eyes gives you away completely.

"just Anakin" she pushes further and you give her a nervous smile. "i didn't know you texted"

"we don't but it makes sense that we start right, we're friends after all" you grimace at how high pitched your voice is getting as well as your own defensiveness.

"of course it does, especially since you’re friends with a mutual crush" you turn your head off to the side unable to look her in the eye, you’re burning alive here.

"he doesn't have a crush on me" you grumble and you can tell she wanted to oppose your statement but instead she focused on something else entirely.

"you're not denying that you have a crush on him though!" she says with a gasp of excitement and you can feel your heart racing, when your silence remains she shoots up energetically. "i knew it!!"

you hush her, the walls here were thin and you could not handle the campers finding out about this. "i don't know- i don't dislike him" she deadpans and gives you that look she always does.

you flop backwards laying flat on the bed with a huff. "y/n i love you girl but we gotta work on your honesty with yourself." she hovers above you forcing you to look her in the eyes while she speaks.

"i can hide from my own desires if i want to" you protest, grabbing your pillow and placing it over your head.

"oh so Anakin's a desire now" she pulls the pillow off of your face and holds it out of your reach. "how quickly the truth tumbles out"

"has anyone told you you’re insufferable before?" You say annoyed and she laughs.

"no i'm usually told i'm a delight in fact" she gives you a blinding smile and you roll your eyes but smile back nonetheless.

"they'd unfortunately be right" she lets out a quick 'aww' while placing her hand over her heart jokingly.

"so are you gonna answer his message orrr" you purse your lips together in thought. "if you don't do it i'll do it for you."

you gasp "you wouldn't dare" she gives you a ‘try me’ look and you suddenly regret ever sharing your phone password with her. "diabolical" you mumble before picking your phone up and staring at the message notification.

'hey you ready for tmr?' it was a really simple message so why was it so hard to work up the courage to respond. Padme stands up and climbs the ladder to the top bunk leaving you to figure this out on your own.

"okay you can do this" you whisper to yourself, sitting up and cracking your knuckles finally opening up the chat to respond.

'totally' you type and then sit there for a good minute trying to figure out what else to say so your message doesn't come off dry and uninterested. maybe you should of consulted with Honey first for back up, it was too late to back out now though.

still coming up empty you just give in and press send hoping for the best. to your horror the message is read instantly and he responds just as quickly.

'three minutes just to type totally, didn't realize i was talking to a granny' mortifying was the only right word for this. you knew he was probably just teasing but that did not help one bit.

one negative about acknowledging you have a crush on someone, you begin to fumble over everything you do. second guessing your every action, why couldn't you just be normal- no, this was fine you can salvage this.

you bite your tongue and ask yourself how you would normally respond to someone saying something like this to you. you take a deep breath and start typing 'not everyone can be the flash when typing'

'much quicker this time trying to fight the granny allegations y/n?' you groan but relax; one bonus of it being Anakin you're talking to, you could always count on him to be unserious and joke around.

'i'm not fighting anything, besides i was talking to Padme when i typed that out so i was a little distracted' a little white lie never hurt anybody, Padme wouldn't mind anyway.

'alright i'll let it slide this time, only because Padme was involved' your stomach twists and you suddenly feel a little nauseous. it was like the universe loved to torment you.

'you know she's practically my bestie here, maybe i can put in a good word for you' if the universe loved to torment you then it was only fair to say you were devoted to torturing yourself even more.

'why would you do that?' you can't help but furrow your brows in confusion, what did he mean why?

you brush it off and reply 'because we're friends and friends help each other out'

'right, i gotta help Ben with the kids so goodnight. i'll see you tmr' strange, you shrug it off and send back a goodnight after liking his message.

you look at the time 9:56 just about time to tell the kids lights out. you turn off your phone and stand up. "do you wanna come with me to turn off the lights" you ask openly, Jasmine of course doesn’t respond but Padme does.

"you've got this, but if any of the kids need something and you aren't sure how to help let me know" you nod at Padme's answer and walk into the other room.

some of the younger kids already put themselves to sleep the rest were either busying themselves or still chatting with friends. "hey guys everyone into their own beds alright, i'm going to turn off the lights for bed"

there is a few groans of protest but they all do what you say anyway. you walk over to the lights before asking if everyone is comfortable and when there's a unanimous yes you flip the switch off and head back into your room closing the door.

you finally change out of your clothes from the day into pajamas and are just about ready to turn off the lights in your room when there's a light flurry of knocks on the door.

you open the door to see Colton, he looks uncomfortable and you can’t help the worry that washes over your face. "is everything okay bud?" you squat down to his height and he looks around behind him before whispering to you.

"i can't sleep in new places" his voice was barely audible not wanting the other kids to hear him. you frown sympathetically and hold your hands out for him to take; he hesitates at first, unsure whether he wants to make physical contact but in the end he takes you up on the offer placing his hands in yours with a big breath of air.

"is there anything i can do to help?" you ask quietly giving his hands a small gentle squeeze in hopes of comforting him.

he shrugs unsure "i don't know…" you let him think on it, taking all the time he needs. "i don't really like the dark" he settles on and you nod immediately scanning through your mind for a solution.

"how about this, we have a little portable lamp that i can set up on one of the shelves in there and i'll leave our room cracked open so you can come and get me if you need anything else" you suggest and he pauses in brief thought.

"but then the other kids will know" you smile softly and tell him to trust you. he's very clearly uncertain but eventually gives in and lets you do your plan.

while he climbs back into bed you head back into the room and grab the lamp off of Padme and yours dresser. placing it on the shelf closest to the hallway and switching it on. Thankfully Colton's bed was closest.

"guys i’m gonna leave this lamp on so it's easier for you all to see if anyone needs to get up and use the bathroom alright?" the kids who are still awake give an okay, or well some of them did, others sorta just grunted like cave dwellings.

you look at Colton who seems much better, still a little uncomfortable but it was still a new environment and It wouldn't be that easy of an instantaneous fix. But you were glad to help even just a little bit.

you left the door open just a smidge like you said you would and then flipped off the lights for the room finally crashing onto your bed- hopefully for good.

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝

to your body's exhaustions' relief there were no interruptions throughout the night. Padme had even managed to get you up this morning without too much of a fight, in other words without having to physically drag you out of bed.

getting the campers all up and ready in time for breakfast was way more difficult than you thought though. a good majority of the kids were in fact worse than you, which according to Padme is a massive feat.

"tired already y/n?" Ben's voice calls you over from the food line.

"not as tired as Anakin" you joke gesturing over to Anakin's tired form at the table closest to the door. you wait for Ben to exit the line so you can both walk over to him together.

"he looks like he's ready to make a run for it" you snort once he's filled his tray. you both start walking toward the aforementioned man who was as usual barely awake.

"yea a run for it straight into his bed" Ben quips and you giggle before taking the seat next to Anakin.

the man in question gives a grunt for a greeting not even bothering to open his eyes. "pathetic honestly" Rex says before joining you three. "you do realize we have to be fully functional in an hour right?" he kicks Anakin from under the table to wake him.

Anakin opens his eyes just to death glare him "an hour is all i need" Rex puts his hands up in defense before he starts eating his breakfast.

"No offense Anakin but you look like you need a lot more than an hour of resting your eyes" you poke his cheek and he swats your hand away.

"you're right, and i've got just the solution" you raise a brow but your question is quickly answered when he rests his head on your shoulder, completely placing his weight against you and closing his eyes. this wasn't actually happening right, you turn too look at the two boys in front of you with burning cheeks.

Rex doesn't even seem phased as he continues eating like this was an everyday thing, Ben isn't any better as he just shrugs with a smug smile. maybe you just needed to relax, after all you did stuff like this with Honey all the time.

you decide to just focus on your food and ignore the soft snores that have started coming out of Anakin's mouth. how he could fall asleep that easily with the noise level in here you weren't sure but boy did you envy it.

you did your best not to read into the situation while finishing up and just chatting with the other boys until it was time to leave. you honestly felt bad having to wake Anakin back up but he was surprisingly not too grouchy, guess that hour of sleep actually did help.

the way today was going to work was easy, now that breakfast was done you'd all head to the bonfire pit where you'd divide into who you worked with. then the campers would go to whichever group was part of their first activity, after that there would be a quick roll call then you'd walk with the kids to the crafts center.

rinse and repeat this process each period throughout the day till lunch, then free time followed by the last two periods till dinner. this of course was just for today so the kids knew where to go as well as knew their schedules a little better. Come tomorrow they'd be in charge of getting to their activities on their own.

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝

"are you sure that's what you're supposed to do?" you hear one of the kids ask Rex from the table near yours.

all the kids at your table were just about done with the activity, working on cutting out the flower petals just like you'd shown them. it was one of the easier crafts you'd found as long as it wasn’t rushed through. you decided the kids would be fine on their own and stood up to take a look at how Rex was doing.

"pretty sure kid" he mumbles and the kid beside him grimaces before looking at their own, it looked better than Rex's but that wasn’t hard to beat clearly.

"Rex you’re butchering it man" you look over at Anakin who's on the opposite side having stood up curiously at the same time you did.

"i am not- it looks just like y/n's does" he argues and you honestly take offense to that statement.

"mine does not look like that" he snaps his head towards you with a frown.

"that's honestly an insult dude" Anakin adds and Rex chucks the paper plate on the table, crossing his arms annoyed. the kids are laughing at the situation, only making Rex grow more annoyed.

"maybe you should stick to organizing the materials Rex" you pat his shoulder encouragingly.

it was the last period of the day, you'd been doing the same craft each time so you'd think by now he'd have gotten it down. to his credit he got it right the first period but somehow has gotten worse each time since.

"i can't believe the camp directors stuck you in crafts" Ahsoka's voice garners the attention of all three of you.

"not you too" Rex frowns, running a frustrated hand down his face.

"i mean Anakin's not much better but he's still doing significantly better than you are" Anakin scoffs at her.

"hey i'm doing great thank you" he defends. you snort walking over to him and pinching his cheek like he was a small child.

"yes you are sweetie, don't let anyone tell you different" you joke; and his cheeks flush, probably from embarrassment as he swats your hand away.

"you guys are cute together" Ahsoka states and You both snapped towards her at the same time.

"you know we aren't together snips right?" he asks crossing his arms with a deadpanned expression, not wanting to come off as joking.

"i do know that yea… do you?" she asks half teasing half serious. you think you see him blushing but that can't be the case.

"he likes Padme" you interrupt doing your best to save him from her teasing. Ahsoka just wrinkles her nose before shrugging off your response.

"everybody likes Padme" okay, factually correct but you know as well as she does that's not what you meant.

Rex clears his throat, "hate to interrupt whatever this is but it's time to get these kiddos to the lodge hall for dinner." you turn to look over at the clock and sure enough it's almost six.

"right" you clap your hands together a few times to get the attention of all the kids, when they clap back you can’t help but smile.

"it's time to clean up so we can head out to dinner. so i want everybody to stand up and throw out any paper clippings or trash you see on the tables while Anakin, Rex, and i put away the supplies we used today, okay? then we can all line up at the door to go" they all give an okay before standing up and doing what they were told.

it didn't take long for the crafts center to look like it did at the beginning of the day, it was a good thing all of the kids were hungry enough to do as asked without much of a fight.

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝

dinners were handled differently than lunch and breakfast. at dinner everybody had to go to their assigned tables to sit with the people at their cabin, it was easier for the counselors this way as the kids would all be in one place to walk back to their respective cabins.

that's how you ended up with Colton seated to your left and Padme on your right while catching up on how your respective days went. well you and Padme were anyway, Colton had headphones to help block out the noise while he ate.

what stopped you mid-conversation with Padme however was something one of your older campers said right in front of you.

"Quinn what did you say?" you ask her completely shifting your attention from Padme to make sure you'd overheard the girl correctly.

"i was just telling Ren how you and Anakin were a cute couple" you felt your mouth open and close a few times at Quinn's words, searching for the right thing to say right now.

"omg Anakin asked you out!?" Padme practically shouts and you feel your whole body tense as the fight or flight urge to run away kicks in.

"No!" you shout back and then turn to the two girls in front of you "who said me and Anakin were a couple!? we are not dating" Quinn tilts her head in confusion.

"all the kids who have arts and crafts with you guys is saying it" she shrugs. "it's okay if you are, no one's judging you guys for it" you truly wanna curl up into a ball and wither away. maybe have the room swallow you whole while you're at it.

"yea i mean we all see how you guys act together it's pretty obvious" Ren adds and your jaw drops again rendered completely speechless.

Padme is snorting from beside you now very much unsuccessfully holding back laughter. "oh my gosh this cannot be happening right now" you stutter out, putting your hands over your burning cheeks just wanting to hide from everyone.

"hey it's time to clean up and head back to the cabin" Jasmine's voice interrupts your spinning mind. she was talking to the kids but it was also directed towards you and Padme.

the kids all do as she asks before you even get the chance to clarify to Ren and Quinn that you and Anakin were definitely not dating or together in any way for that matter. you turn to Padme with pure fear written on your face and she places a hand on your shoulder.

"hey it's fine relax" was it fine? what if Anakin heard the kids talking about it and thought you were the one who started that rumor. "y/n deep breaths hun, you look like you're gonna pass out"

"i'm freaking out Padme" she gives you an ‘i can tell’ look.

"i promise you it's not that deep, you know it's not true and kids are gonna believe what they want" she shrugs a little too calm for your liking.

but of course she wasn’t freaking out it's not like the rumor was about her and who she had a crush on, no it was about you and someone who had a crush on her. there's that torment the universe loved to inflict upon you.

Padme chucks out your trash for you and puts the tray away. then she takes both your shoulders into her hands and guides you out of the lodge hall back to the Naboo cabin.

it wasn't until you sat down on your bed while Padme took care of the kids by herself that you finally touched back down with reality. you look up at the bunk across from you where Jasmine is sat on her phone, living in her own world. as much you hated her for what she did you were very much envious of her right now.

oh what you would do to only have to communicate with your friends back home. home, god you missed Honey right now. a ping comes from your phone, talk about speak of the devil and she shall come.

'hey pookie ☺️ i miss you' it's times like this you swear your both telepathically connected because what're the odds.

'so much happened today Honey it's not even funny' you send back after hearting her message.

'tea time?' you let out a sigh and fall back on the bed as you type out a long rant going over today's events from breakfast to dinner.

'are we sure this is a bad thing?' the question makes your brows furrow.

'how on earth is it not' you wait for her to respond as the speech bubble appears, your attention briefly flickering to the the door as Padme enters.

"i turned on the lamp for Colton so don't worry about him alright?" she whispered to you, not wanting the other kids to overhear. you give her a quick thumbs up, currently too drained to use your voice. she just smiles back at you and closes the door to change, then reopens the door just a crack like it was last night.

your phone vibrates and turns your focus back onto your conversation with Honey. 'i mean i'm not saying it's a good thing, but if even the kids can see you belong together maybe it's a sign✨'

you fight back a smile 'now is not the time to be delulu Honey' she dislikes your message before responding.

'wrong it's always time to be delulu. it's called manifestation and it works😌' you smile fully this time and allow yourself to feel better.

'yea but what about Anakin's what’s he gonna think?' you argue, it was the only real thing that plagued your mind about this.

'we can't assume what he's going to think, you'll just have to wait and see babes' she's right of course but boy do you hate it. 'you could always bring it up yourself and talk about it with him tomorrow, if you're that concerned he'll think it's you who started the rumor. clear your name and all that'

you scrunch your face together at that suggestion. you hated confrontation, she knew it too, but you also knew this was the best plan you had so it was time to Women up and do just that.

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝

you tried your best to act normal during breakfast, especially when Anakin pulled a repeat of what he did yesterday. resting his head on your shoulder and effectively passing out. the entire time all you could think about was how this was probably fueling the kids' imaginations right now.

you could hardly even focus on eating which Ben and Rex both seemed to pick up on as they shared a concerned look. "are you alright y/n?" Rex was the first to ask.

"i'm fine yeah" you don't sound convincing but he takes it as a sign not to push.

"if you ever wanna talk we're all ears, or if you feel more comfortable texting you're always welcome to message." Ben reminds you and you give him a grateful smile.

"Yeah no matter how late it is, and i'm sure Anakin would agree. besides he's up later than all of us anyway so if anyone's likeliest to answer it's him" Rex is quick to add, wanting to double down on what Ben said.

"thanks guys, i appreciate it" you relax a bit as the pit in your stomach starts to settle, morphing into exhaustion instead. you don't even realize you're doing it until you see Rex elbowing Ben, a silent way to say 'are you seeing what i'm seeing' and Ben swats his arm away in a wordless way of saying 'of course i am'.

you had rested your head right on top of Anakin's, you fought the urge to pull away in fear it'd look suspicious. suspicious of what you weren't sure but it's what your brain said- or maybe it was your way of justifying staying in the position you were in.

his hair was soft and smelt of sandalwood and coconut, it was kind of calming. you wondered briefly if Anakin thought similarly of you when he rested his head on your shoulder, but quickly pushed the thought away when you realized he probably didn't pay attention to something like that with you.

you do eventually lift your head up only when it's time to get up and leave the lodge hall and start the day. today was at the very least going to be a little easier as you all would just be walking straight to the crafts center.

with a few shakes of your shoulder, Anakin wakes up. sitting up straight and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. completely oblivious to your previous actions which you were internally grateful for, mostly out of fear he'd think it was weird.

the walk to the crafts center was quiet between the three of you, a peaceful silence. you and Anakin walked side by side, Rex in front of you two a few feet ahead.

"do you know which project you wanna do for today with the kids?" Anakin asks through a yawn.

"yea i think we're going to do the paper bag kites, Padme said it's gonna be windy today so they could use them during free time later" he nods before getting lost in his own thoughts.

maybe you should bring it up now, this was probably as close to alone time as you'd get with him. you turn your head to examine him; he still looks slightly sleepy, there's a bit of a slouch to him with the way he's walking right now making you promptly decide against talking to him about it. who were you to ruin his sleepy mood after all?

the three of you walk inside the Crafts center and start setting up all the supplies on each table for the kids. it's not long before they all start filing in, and as usual you lead; today was a much easier craft than yesterday's honestly. most of it consisted of just decorating the paper bag to their liking, then either Anakin, Rex, or you would attach a long string to it for them.

the kids liked this way better as they had much more creative freedom, you took a mental note of that so you guys could plan accordingly.

you're helping one of the little boys, Darnell, cut out a bat shape to glue on his bag when you hear a few kids talking about you and Anakin again. it makes your heart stop, you have to force yourself to focus and finish quickly before you start to panic too much.

"hey y/n is there any more purple glitter" one of the girls at the table, Sasha, asks and you blink away your thoughts to process her question.

"um, i'm not sure i'll check for you" you hand Darnell his bat cut-out and head to the back where the supply closet is, biting the inside of your cheek nervously and silently praying to whatever god will listen that Anakin doesn't hear any of the kids saying you two are dating until you can address it with him.

your digging around the closet when another person joins you. you turn to look behind you meeting eyes with Anakin who smiles at you.

"what are you looking for?" he asks while grabbing some extra glue sticks, it's honestly insane how fast kids go through those things.

"purple glitter, do you know where it would be?" he points to the top shelf above you, and sure enough there's a line of different glitters. in rainbow order too so you could only guess you had Rex to thank for that.

you grumble disgruntledly to yourself while standing on your tiptoes to try and reach it. "you know you can ask for help right" Anakin huffs from behind you.

"why, i've got this" you can feel the amused stare from behind you as you prove to him you very much don't have this. you're about to step on the bottom shelf for a bit of a boost before you stop completely at the feeling of Anakin's chest against your back.

he reaches over and grabs the glitter easily and holds it low enough for you to grab. your brain buffers for a moment before you actually do grab it and by the time you turn around he's already heading back out of the closet, glue sticks in hand.

you head over to Sasha, taking her small tube of empty purple glitter and refilling it. your mind is still reeling from what just happened, this man was going to send you into cardiac arrest at this rate. you force yourself to take some deep breaths and calm down after handing her the little glitter tube and walking to put the rest back in the closet.

was it too far to be thinking about how much you enjoyed the slight pressure and weight of his chest against the back of you? well it's not like anyone can hear your thoughts so you allow yourself to indulge just this once.

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦✧.·:·.*═╝

the next few periods go back quickly and simultaneously slow as molasses. without a doubt you overheard kids talk about you and Anakin as if you were a happy couple multiple times each period. the final push for you was when Anakin was walking by the same table you were during clean-up before lunch and heard kids talking about it.

he didn't say anything but there was no way he didn't hear it so you decided to confront the situation on the way to lunch. you let Rex lead the line of kids out this time and walked at the back with Anakin, it was time to stop procrastinating and get this over with.

"are you alright?" Anakin asks and you tilt your head slightly. "you've been acting weird all day" he crosses his arms unwilling to back off even if you try to deny it.

you press your lips together into a thin line before speaking up "i… it's just the kids have been- have you heard what they've been saying?" you mentally slap yourself, of course he heard, and even if he didn't you need to just spit it out.

he just shrugs nonchalantly, which gives you nothing. was that an 'i don't know i haven't been paying attention' shrug, or an 'i have heard but don't care' shrug?

"they're all saying we're dating, and each time i deny it they only seem to think we're dating even more." you finally spit it out and feel a huge weight on your shoulders lift off.

"oh, that's it?" you come to a full stop and so does he, why is he being so nonchalant about this what the hell? your brows crease together.

"that's not weird to you, or annoying?" you ask and he licks his lips in thought.

"i mean some of the kids at my cabin brought it up yesterday, i denied it and they didn't believe me so i sorta just accepted the fact they wouldn't believe me." he explains and now you feel dumb, all that overthinking for what.

"shouldn't we address this with them?" this time his face scrunches up in confusion.

"why? they're clearly not gonna believe us, honestly we're better off just saying we are then maybe they'll let it go" you blink dumbly up at him, the last part of his sentence on repeat in your head.

does he not realize they wouldn't be letting it go at all, sure they would move on but in their little ten to fourteen-year-old brains it would be a confirmed fact. not like to them it wasn’t already though… maybe he did have a point. or more accurately you just liked the idea of confirming to everyone you were dating.

"do you really think that would work?" his eyes twinkle with something you're not quite sure of before he answers.

"i mean it's worth a shot right? let's just pretend we're dating and then they'll leave us alone" okay woah wait a minute, how'd this go from just saying you were dating to pretending you were dating? to be fair it's synonymous right? but when he says pretending, does he mean just a simple 'yea we are' or fully method acting the situation?

you decide to just take the chance, what harm could come out of this right? if it was just confirming then you could live with that, and if it was more than that at least you could satisfy your little crush on him. yea he likes Padme but she was very clear on the not liking him back department.

"okay yea, let's do it" he holds his hand out to shake on it. "looks like you just got yourself a fake girlfriend" you joke, shaking his hand. "Honey is going to have a field day with this" you laugh once your hand slips out of his and you see him look at you with both shock and confusion.

your brows crease worried that you said something wrong. "Honey is someone's name?" he asks bewildered. oh, that's right you haven't brought Honey up in conversation with Anakin before.

"yeah she's my best friend and that’s her name, why?" you watch him go through a shit ton of emotions all at once before he settles on a relieved smile.

"nothing, don't worry about it. let's go to lunch" he turns and walks ahead of you, you don't let him get too far before you pick up the pace so you're once again walking side by side.

a/n: here she is the much anticipated Part 2 ☺️ i hope you enjoy!!

i only proofread this once instead of the dozen times i usually do so if you spot a mistake please pay no mind 💀👩‍🦯

see you all next week for the final part 💋💋

Tag list: @anakinskwkler @anakinstwinklebunny @divineani @huayan @poppysrin @bxbyysstuff @dollhobigem @skywalkercinema @corio-letit-snow @avatarobsessedgirly @kelsxxyawn @tartine-de-pain

[bornagainmurdock]

one night stand // matt murdock headcannnons

contents: 18+ ONLY, smut/suggestive, gender neutral reader

word count: .9k

is a gentleman but in the way that he'll never invite himself over to your place, it's always his

party because he knows where everything is at his place and doesn't at other people's places, but also he likes the control of it

knowing he can change/alter the environment

also forces him to maintain a clean space and proper living conditions bc he's never home

will lean you up against the outside of his apartment door while he fumbles with the kepys to let you in

drops his jacket, shoes, etc. at the front door and leaves it in a pile there

also leaves your things there, jacket, bag, shoes, etc.

he wants you undressed as fast as possible, but waits to undress himself as a method of teasing you

leaves his glasses on until the other person says something, or they become a safety hazard

likes to start in the living room on the couch, or maybe the ktichen depending how long he can wait before bending you over

rough hands all over your body, they're somehow gentle though at the same time and inquisitive, waiting for permission to touch new boundaries of your skin

acts explicit consent

"can i kiss you?"

"can i fuck you bent over my kitchen counter?"

"can i strip you down and bruise you until you cry?"

very good with his words, perhaps his secret weapon

knows what his voice does to other people and is very cocky about it, constantly teasing

dirty talking king, knows exactly what to say to drive you crazy

"already a mess and all i've done is talk to you. so you must either really like the sound of my voice, or you like how filthy my words are. which one hmm? both?"

likes to mark but absolutley asks if he can and if so where

"can i mark you? you wear turtlenecks often? because you might have to tomorrow."

will learn what makes you tick by listening to your heartbeat and using it against you

can't stop looking at/focusing on his hands? oh get ready to be ruined by them

a biter

like teeth marks that least a few days and bruise into skin

messy kisser

like nasty, dirty, filthy, his tongue is everywhere and leaving shivers across your body

likes to bit at shoulders, neck, jaw, colalr bones, feeling the blood rush there and pulse under skin

doesn't rush things, he likes playing the waiting game, likes experimenting with different sensations to drive you wild

has a lot of toys and tools, but doesn't tend to bring them out the first time he's with someone

that involved a much more indepth conversations that he's too imapatient to have the first go around

eventually everything leads back to his bed, the light of the billboard illuminating the room adding that really aesthetic touch to the whole encounter

loves the pre-sex activities especially

the grinding and hair pulling, the rough sensual acts where you can both act so feral and animalistic

especially loves the idea of being fully clothes with a partner who is naked and making them grind on his thigh

man understands how to do the knee grinding move correctly

tenses his muscles at all the right times

always has his mouth on you, either that or whispering the filthiest things into your ear

a desparate man who is unafraid to show that desparation

when topping, likes to put his partner on the edge of the bed so he has the most leverage, pillow under your hips and everything to get the deepest angle

when bottoming, doggy style, head down resting on his arms, likes the feel the force of the thrusts through his whole body

alwasy, though, loud

he's so fucking loud and whiny, and moaning constantly

likes to be scratched and played with, and will hiss

truly a sadomasochist who will take any sensation he can get

like i said, animalistic

has a whole stash of condoms and lube in his bedside table that gets its fair share of use

he has latex and latex free condoms in separate locations bc safety is important

leather cuffs are always hanging off his headboard, and if you ask he will use them

literally always ready to have an intensely kinky time if the other person also wants to

is the person to initiate clean up at the end and offer a towel and the bathroom for you to shower or clean up, has a set of clothes for you to wear if you want to stay

likes when he hook ups sleep there bc then he can spoil them with breakfast in the morning

word around town says matt murdock makes a mean chai latte and pancakes

isn't offended if people don't stay, or leave in the middle of the night

he knows it's part of the life

his number one rule is don't get attached but he can't help it sometimes

avoids giving or receiving forehead kisses bc he thinks it's too intimate for a hook up

sharing clothes? just fine. forehead kiss? romantic, will catch feelings whether he wants to or not

will see the same person more than once, but it has to be organic

not a man to have a list of booty calls, too complicated and messy for him

will just go to a bar and get lucky each time

josie's accused him of running a match making busines out of her bar

[queenrizzardnthelizardscissored]

VEILGUARD SPOILERS DO NOT READ IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE SPOILED

holy shit this ending is COMICALLY BAD. WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO. this is worse than 'it was all a dream'.

turns out there is a race from across the sea called the 'executors' who are behind LITERALLY EVERYTHING from loghains betrayal to meredith going crazy to bartrand digging up the red lyrium to anders blowing up the chantry to the events of inquisition because they are able to influence people without being there or seeing it. everything about the previous 3 games has been planned by them. NONE of the characters had any agency at all.

every. single. plot decision.

was just mind control the WHOLE FUCKING TIME.

oh also mythal is andraste and turns out the whole religion was bullshit from the get-go. not like. yknow. the mystery of that and the role that religion played in society was more important than the gods stuff. like holy shit. the good part of dragon age worldbuilding was cultural beliefs and the way they influence society, and ultimately magic is just an element of the society that is hotly debated, gods are things that some people believe in, others do not, with statues and churches and multiple religions. and now its just like "every religion was horseshit, and the gods did exist but they were evil, and the actual cultural context of this religion didn't matter." like the valasslin as slave-markings stuff was really interesting to me because of the cultural connotations, how they changed from slave-markings to symbols of a people over time through reclamation and simple loss of rembrance, how they evolved, and then how Solas can only see their initial meaning without understnading that their cultural meanings and connotations have shifted. but no. no. we can't have subtlety in our storytelling. that's too hard.

how the fuck did they screw this up.

some ppl are saying this was the plan all along? can you imagine them writing loghain in DAO, anders and merrill in DA2 while just knowing 'oh yeah btw they actually didnt want to do any of this they were all mind controlled the whole time'? despite giving them actual motivations?

holy shit they fucked this up big time.

[m-musings]

Not a Joke: Buggy the Clown X Fem! Reader

Word Count: 1k

Summary: Buggy is feeling insecure & his partner helps him feel better.

Warnings/Other Notes: nothing, its m's typical cheesy fluff, what else can i say?

Most of the time, the captain of the Big Top Pirates gave off a very confident, entertaining and creative persona.

Always bragging or boasting in some way, he knew that he was a powerful and determined man and was intent on proving that to the rest of the world.

But every so often, there would be nights where that little voice in his head would say otherwise, telling him he isn't worth the trouble or that he should just give up while he's ahead.

After all, he may be strong and tough, but there's other's on the seas and beyond who are stronger and tougher, so tonight is one of those rough ones.

"Bugs, what's wrong?" Mutters a voice from the other side of the room.

Buggy- who had been lost in thought at his writing desk in his sleeping quarters- snaps out of his trance and looks over to his bed to see his lover peering worriedly at him from under a blanket.

With a brief shake of his head, a dejected huff escaped from his red-stained mouth. Turning in his chair to face her, he tried to will an assuring smile to his face, but it appeared to be more of a grimace than anything.

"It's nothin', Sweets... just been a long day. Go back to bed, I'll join after a while."

Letting out a quiet sigh, (Y/n) lifts the covers off her body before getting up and stepping over to the pirate to wrap her arms around his shoulders.

"C'mon, Buggy, I know you! I can tell when something's up with you, so spill."

"(Y/n), I'm fine, I promise. Please, just go relax, I'm almost done here."

"Buggy..."

(Y/n) clicks her tounge at the clown before she crouches slightly to be at eye level with him.

Furrowing his brow in response, he glances over at her as she shrugs her shoulders in inquisition. Releasing a forlorn sigh of his own, Buggy nervously skims a hand over his chin, not used to sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings.

"Can't hide anything from you, huh (N/n)?" Buggy finally relinquishes with a half-hearted chuckle.

His other hand delicately held hers as he guided his darling partner to sit in his lap. As she rests, he begins softly kissing her palm when she places it on his cheek.

"No, you really can't. Now, tell me what's got you so gloomy today." Presses (Y/n) as she gently runs her hands through his blue tresses.

The pirate runs his tounge over his painted lips as he searches for the right words. Opening and closing his mouth in indecision, he shuts his eyes for a moment as he manages to find what he wants to say.

"I just feel so... useless lately. Like, no matter what I do, it seems like someone is always beating me down or throwing me around. It's getting on my fucking nerves. And I hate feeling like that..."

"Oh, Bug..."

"But it's not just that either! I feel like everyone around me only sees me as some kind of joke. And not in the usual way, y'know?" Grumbles the clown as he leans his head against (Y/n)'s shoulder.

"It's gotten to the point where I cant help but feel like no one cares. And it hurts. A lot."

A short hum emits from the woman's lips, causing Buggy to peek one saddened eye up at her face.

"Well, I can tell you for a fact that that's not true."

Buggy's eyebrow raises in intrigue as he cautiously lifts his head to meet (Y/n)'s gaze.

"Yeah? what makes you say that?"

"I mean, just look around the ship. The crew absolutely adores you, you're their flashy Captain Buggy, after all! And you have me! I love you more than anything in the world." States (Y/n) as she happily scrunches up her nose.

"And also, you are not a joke at all. You are a brave, strapping and, not to mention, handsome pirate captain. You're the total package!"

Buggy pauses for a moment, grabbing her hand again and placing it against his chest, which was thrumming softly to the beat of his heart.

"You really mean it?" He whispers lowly as he grips her hand a little tighter than before, making sure not to hurt her.

"Of course I do! Have you ever known me to lie about something like that?"

Buggy thinks for a moment until he eventually shakes his head in denial.

"No, I guess not. In fact, You're one of the the most honest people I know..." Scoffs Buggy, as if the answer was obvious.

"So then you gotta believe me when I say you're loved, Buggy. So, so much. And I'll remind you every day if I have to." (Y/n) coos before pulling him towards herself for a warm hug.

At the feel of her embrace, the tension that Buggy didn't realize he had been carrying in his muscles began to wash away. A pleased rumble emits from Buggy's throat as he puts his head against hers.

"Thanks, baby. I really needed to hear that." Smiles Buggy as the frustration in his eyes fades.

"Anytime, love. I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad about this stuff... is there anything else I can do to help you feel better?"

As Buggy shakes his head no, he places a kiss on (Y/n)'s nose. As she touches the spot where his lips touched her, he gives her a tiny grin.

"You just bein' in my arms and reassuring me is helping a lot already, doll. Now, come on, let's get some shut eye, this shit can wait 'til later."

Buggy then lifts her up and takes her back to their plush bed, making her giggle as they both plop down on the mattress. After using his chop-chop powers to turn off the light illuminating the room, he tugs the blanket over the two of them before holding her against his chest.

"Get some sleep, (Y/n), 'cause we're spending alllll day together tomorrow, just us." Buggy orders as he gives a light kiss to the top of her head.

"Aye, aye, Cap'n ." Teases (Y/n), dotting a line of kisses along Buggy's jawline before she slowly lets her eyes fall shut.

And as the stars shine through the small porthole window on the other side of the room, hushed "I love you's" are exchanged as the couple drifts to sleep in each others arms.

[alongtidesoflight]

so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.

full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.

oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.

i'm starting off with the things i liked

the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.

combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less

the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.

your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.

the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.

speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.

bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.

varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.

the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).

rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.

and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately

the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.

tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???

there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.

i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.

that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.

for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol

in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.

the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.

this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.

when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.

morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.

dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.

on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.

really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.

for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.

rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.

speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.

the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything

[incorrectmahabharatquotes]

i love the incorrect quotes, but i dont agree with your political views. if its not much, could you explain why ur so anti bjp?(thats what i assume anyway)

You know, I actually think that the memes and the quotes are sort of a natural extension of our political views. I'll explain but it might get a little long. Stay with me here.

Firstly, I want to say that I think this way of perceiving politics is so fundamentally wrong.

"Anti-BJP", "Pro-BJP", "Anti-Congress", "pro-congress" etc etc. This isn't a cricket match where you're rooting for your favourite team. Politicians, as a general rule, are a bunch of liars. They lie to gain power and control. It's OUR duty, as CITIZENS, to keep them accountable and in their lane so they actually do their goddamn jobs. That's how the democracy is supposed to work. If they don't do their job properly, you vote them out of the seat. They work for us, and not the other way around.

In India, we grow up with this idea of not questioning your elders. Papa ne keh diya, bas keh diya. As children our natural instinct of curiosity and inquisitiveness is stifled. We go to schools and the same pattern follows. Don't question the authority. Keep your head down and colour inside the lines. We internalise this lesson to colossal degrees. Is it any wonder that we all struggle with critical thinking? If you're spoonfed "the correct answer" your entire life, you never learn to find if what you were told is correct or not. This exact thing is used by all politicians across the entire political spectrum. They use our learned behaviour of deferring to authority and never questioning power against us. The leader of the country becomes the patriarch. Papa ne keh diya, bas keh diya.

I have various issues with various political parties in India, in fact. I have no love lost for any of them. I don't exactly believe in unconditional loyalty to politicians.

Since you brought up the BJP, let's talk about that. My biggest issue with them is their politics of communal hatred. All they keep yapping about is hindu-muslim this and hindu-muslim that. For what? They could spend their time talking about actual issues but the low-hanging fruit of stoking communal hatred is easier to grab onto. Remember when the British did the same thing? It was bad then and it's bad now. All this unrest just to get votes. Imagine fucking up the mind of an entire nation like this and then demanding to be praised for it.

Their foundational roots are from the RSS and that entire organisation's existence is just insane to me. It's even more insane that they managed to go from a fringe ideology to becoming mainstream. "Hindu rashtra", it seems. Who even wants that? WHY do they want that? Is it such a bad fate to live in peace and harmony with other religions? A lot of their talking points are about how much they hate the islamic nations and how those are horrible and then they want to turn around and do the same thing?!? Is the hypocrisy not clear? So what if other countries are religious states? Why can't we try to be different? Maybe I'M the stupid one for thinking all humans are the same that we should treat everyone the same. Who knows.

There are also a bunch of other issues that the BJP has racked up during their rule. The demonetisation disaster, mismanagement of government funds to create public infrastructure, letting the interests of billionaire business ruin PROTECTED FOREST AREAS for mining coal that they didn't even need, introducing and passing HORRIBLE bills through the parliament without any thought or discussion, literally ignoring the plight of people dying in riots, CORRUPTION, destroying the public sector and letting for-profit capitalists free reign in a country which has practically no proper labour laws, aiding in creating a historical record of INCOME INEQUALITY that is higher than it was during the fucking colonial era, fucking up the press even more somehow to the point where they control all of the media houses.

This is not even scratching the surface. I could keep going.

My issue is not whether people vote for the BJP or not. Even if you like the BJP, my issue is that people seem willing to turn a blind eye to all the issues with the government and not even hold them accountable for it.

Vote for whoever you want. My only request is to keep your government accountable. Keep the power in check. The politicians should be SCARED of the citizens fury if they do something wrong. They shouldn't be free to do whatever and get off scot free.

That's our political stance, really. It's Pro-Exercise-Your-Democratic-Rights-As-Citizen.

We will always encourage others to be wary of people with too much power.

Now coming back to why I said the memes reflect our political stance, it's because it's obvious to see why we happen to be willing to risk being a little critical of a literary text. You have to be a little transgressive, in a sense. Perfect obedience and perfect reverence stifles people from engaging with something to their full potential.

I'm sorry to say that if you enjoy the memes and the quotes, you are also being a little transgressive like us. You're also questioning the authority of a religion to an extent. Perhaps our political leanings aren't as different as you might believe.

-Mod S

[lemmetreatya]

Change and Her Consorts — Miguel x Fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: 13 Minutes. 13 minutes was all it took for Miguel to (metaphorically) loose everything. Getting back onto his feet wasn’t easy, especially when life was changing and all he felt was stuck. But once you come back into his life, Witty, Hot and everything in between, Miguel wonders that maybe it was the change in others he needed to witness first before he could even consider making change for himself.

WORD COUNT: 5.6k+

CONTENT: modern au, childhood friends, afab reader, mature themes of death, grief, mental health issues, slightly angsty, hurt/comfort, is it a comedy? it’s a comedy, fluff, smut, sex, male penetration, mating press, blowjob, protected sex, nice ending i promise!!, i wouldn’t say reader is oc but she has a character for definite, also miguel is very??? difficult in this and his character can also be classed as ooc but its modern au and he’s been through it so bare with

Miguel knew he had to change. 

Ever since he lost both his wife and kid to childbirth, it’d been so hard to piece things together again. 

It’s honestly all bullshit. Finally thinking things were going good for him just for life to chew him up and spit him out like a fleshy plum seed all within the space of 13 minutes felt dehumanising to say the least. It left him fist fighting Depression, backing liquor shots of Sorrow and occasionally sharing a bed with Anxiety. That would fuck anyone up mentally and emotionally — And it did that to Miguel for a long time. He’s just grateful he had a good enough support system to crutch him through to the other side. 

He sold the house he brought with his late wife and moved back in with his parents around eight months ago. That was a whole thing in itself. Left his job and hasn’t worked full-time since. He had a whole phase where he ‘no longer had anything to work for’ and therefore just…didn’t. 

His parents were nice about it for a bit. Said he always had a home under their roof and that he could use the money he got from the insurance payout and house to cruise by while he healed. But then after about 3 months of Miguel taking the absolute piss with being unemployed, heartbroken, undriven and essentially a‘bum’ (Jessica Drew’s exact words), he found work in the local dairy produce factory as the ‘Payroll Guy’. 

Despite none of this being his ideal picture of how life was supposed to look at this point of time, Miguel knew he had to change in order to survive. Having being so wrapped up within his own world, he knew that moving on in some capacity was his next step. Getting comfortable with the shell of a life he had now and the things he once knew were true would help with that.

The only issue is that Miguel forgot that others changed too. 

An oof leaves Miguel’s mouth as his stomach is suddenly burdened with a paper sack to it. He looks down at his mother, more than a foot shorter than him, who’s passing him a bag of coals. 

“I need this done.” She vaguely says. 

“For the grill?”

Miguel asks it as an inquisitive question but he’s implying it more as disbelief that he’s been asked. His mother catches on and therefore explains her reasoning.

“I wouldn’t usually (‘ask you’, she implies but doesn’t say) but your fathers quickly gone to the shop and we need to start putting things on the grill. People will be arriving any minute now.” She dusts her hands before already moving elsewhere within the garden. 

Miguel jogs the bag of coal in his arms and stagnantly turns his body in his mother’s direction; like a sunflower to the sun. 

“Then I don’t have to do it?” He tried. 

His mother gives him a quick look. It was sharp but she didn’t follow the intention through. 

“I would like to start grilling things soon.” She  stresses. 

Miguel doesn’t reply right away since he’s been told he needs to think before he speaks. And so he thinks, hard, about what his mother was asking him and then answers accordingly to how he thinks he should. 

“So I don’t have to put the coal in now?” He slowly enunciates.

“Ay, coño— Si! Si, Miguel! You have to put them in now, I’m telling you to put the charcoal in now! Vamos!” 

Miguel lets out a haggard sigh. 

He doesn’t like how he always get in trouble for these sort of things. He was bordering thirty and still had trouble depicting what his mother actually meant when she made implicit remarks. 

The doorbell rings and so Miguel’s mother is shooting off back inside to open up for the guests, all not before giving Miguel certain The Nike Slogan eyes and a jabbing finger point towards the barbecue.  

Begrudgingly, he gets a start on filling the bottom of the grill with sooty rocks. 

As he’s detaching the rack, Miguel can hear high pitched welcoming and multiple voices towards the front of the house. He faintly hears someone ask for him, followed by his mother directing them towards the backyard where he was. At that, Miguel groans. 

It’s not like he hated gatherings, but Miguel would definitely prefer a phone call or the occasional text message. Or just no communication at all. 

But to his avail, he had no way of avoiding this. His parents were adamant to host a casual cookout of some sort and they knew he had nothing better to do so by default he had to be present. There wasn’t even a reason for the function. Just Something about opening up the home and having more laughter flow through it. Sounds cliche but Miguel didn’t care much for laughter anymore. Not that he never laughed — there were some humorously dark memes either Peter or Jess would send him that were subjectively funny and occasionally earned a breathy snort out of him. But it was no question that joy was definitely void in his life. It was hard to look forward to things and the days seemed to drag on and lack meaning. 

No matter what way he looked at it, life was dull. There just wasn’t shit to be happy about. 

“Miggy!” 

Miguel perks up. 

He recognises that voice anywhere. 

He didn’t know you were coming but it definitely made sense for you to be here. His parents were making a bigger than usual deal out of this gathering so of course old faces would be present. 

Miguel hears your voice call him by that juvenile nickname over and over again as you venture throughout the house. It’d been well over a decade since he last saw you but he knows both your parents keep in touch. Because of that, he doesn’t immediately turn around to address you once you enter the garden because he’s not expecting much and he’s still trying to evenly set up the coal rocks at the bottom of the grill. 

“Miggy.” You say with perky tone. 

The man’s sighing as he brings his head up, dusting his hands and wiping the apple of his cheek with the smudge of his palm.

“Till this day, what’d I tell you about calling…me...” 

Miguel’s words are cut off short as soon as he turns to see you.  

He opens and closes his mouth several time but nothing comes out. He’s adamant he looks so stupid right now but his shock is so genuine that he doesn’t blame himself for the reaction. Honestly, awestruck didn’t even cover half of what he was. 

There you stood, in all your adulthood glory, a finer woman than he could have ever imagined you’d turn out to be. 

Nothing about you was the same to how it was over a decade ago yet it was all so classically you. Or, whatever that meant. He’s not sure. If you’d given him creative direction over what he’d envisioned mid-20s you to look like, he definitely wouldn’t have come up with this. 

Fuck, not like it matters what he thought. Why would anyone give him creative direction over anything? No, he’s not trying to say he wanted to control how you grew but he is saying whatever did, did a good job. 

Oh, Miguel hates trying to justify things to himself. He knew what he wanted to say but he just didn’t know how to say it and it was pissing him off because this was all happening inside of his head and God, he probably looked crazy to you right now but he just couldn’t compute this change. 

To put it plainly: You were hot now.

A soft tinkly chuckle leaves your throat as you notice the man’s frozen reaction. 

“Hello to you too, Miguel. Everything okay out here?”

Miguel’s still freaking out mentally because man, even your laugh was the same but it was just so different and maturer and older and hot. 

You amusingly side eye him, no longer calling him Miggy and cautious of his behaviour. You take a few steps round the back of him which ultimately puts you outside of his vision and peripheral. You end up on the opposite side, hands on your hips and face curious as you inspect the barbecue. 

As soon as you’re out of his eyesight Miguel snaps out of the trance. His mind starts to catch him up to speed and he’s stuttering like crazy when he turns to you to try and explain himself. 

“I—Ee—I…yeah. I…I’m setting up some rocks. For the grill. Not…Not just any rocks, like actual— actual charcoal, coal rocks that you…that you light barbecues with and…yeah.” 

“I see.” Your tone is sarcastic, lightly teasing even, and Miguel has to curse himself for acting so lame. 

He blinks at you a few times (Hot.) before casting his eyes back to the grill (Not hot. Yet). He occupies himself with the task. 

“Of course. You know what coal is...” He mumbles the last bit to himself, a reminder that you weren’t an incompetent bristling teen anymore to whom he had to explain everything. 

Miguel spends the majority of the barbecue in your company. 

Not like he had much choice; you two were the only people around the same caliber. Everyone else was either middle aged, a couple, or a bustling child weaving between adult’s legs. 

Chatting to each other wasn’t all that bad. You both nursed several bottled drinks between you and straddled garden chairs towards the bottom of the yard as you caught up with each other’s lives. Whilst he would have preferred hulling up in his room, having someone new to talk to as opposed to the same two people was rejuvenating. 

Over the duration of your conversation, Miguel finds out that you’re a Data Analyst and it somehow makes him feel insecure about his crappy Payroll job. You however assure him that it was nothing to be ashamed of (“You’re a Finance Bro and I’m a Finance Girly. We go hand-in-hand!”). He also opens up about how he’s attending group therapy sessions — through which he met Peter and Jess. He also, speaks about Peter and Jess, but he quickly found out that apart from Peter and Jess, there wasn’t much else for him to talk about. 

But surprisingly it was enough for convo because you always had new discussions to talk through with him anyways. Some were silly, (“Come on, you’ve got to admit it! The Teletubbbies having kids is just weird.”) some were trivial (“Cats or Dogs? — And be honest!”) and others reminiscent (“Remember how we tried to build a secret hide out in this very tree?”).

Miguel also found out that you were single.

“I know you mentioned you’re doing therapy and stuff but…how are you holding up? Like, really holding up?”

An automatic groan leaves Miguel’s mouth. There it was — three hours into the conversation. The million dollar question. 

He hates gatherings and functions for this very reason. No matter how much people smiled in his general direction or pretended that they weren’t tiptoeing eggshells around him, they would always ask how he was in relation to That event in his life. 

Not like they cared. If they cared, they would go out of their way to ask him, routinely check up on him, and not just when he was conveniently in front of them. They only asked because they were aware of the situation. Aware of his misfortune. 

The guy who lost everything in 13 minutes. 

The survivor of a freak accident. 

Someone you’d pity from a far but thanked whoever that the situation never happened to you. 

For that reason alone Miguel always lied and said he was ‘fine’ or that he was ‘holding up okay’. They’d give him pitying eyes, tell him that ‘things will get better’ and then kept it pushing. Usually, when it came to these questions, Miguel’s automatic response is to lie. But there was just something about you; Changed yet The Same you, where Miguel felt that he owed the honest and naked truth to. 

“Honestly?” He drags a hand down his face. “I’m barely holding up at all. Everyday I feel like shit and if one day I surprisingly don’t, I know it’s a fluke and that I will definitely feel like shit tomorrow. It’s just a constant state of feeling off and never truly yourself.” 

There’s a slight pause. It’s comfortable. 

During that pause, you’re both privy to the music of party life. Chortling men, gossiping woman, squealing kids. It’s bittersweet because it kinda reminds Miguel of what he could have had. 

Taking a swig of your drink, you make a humming noise before you’re replying to his triad. 

“Damn. That’s rough, buddy.” 

Miguel snorts. 

Not because he likes how you’ve brushed off his miniature melancholy rant but because he gets the reference. Throughout the course of the barbecue, he thinks that’s one of his favourite things he’s noticed about you. 

You both fall into another comfortable silence, before you’re adding:

“You know, being a widow kinda suits you.” 

Maybe he spoke too soon about what his favourite thing about you was because now Miguel’s choking on his cider and wondering whether this too was a pop culture reference. 

“I— wha— you can’t just say that kinda shit!” He turns to you and exclaims.  

You scoff before rolling your eyes.

“You know I don’t mean it like that. Not that I like what’s happened to you — Rest in Peace to them — but as in the reverence that’s come with the trauma? It suits you. It’s matured you.” 

You lull into another short pause but Miguel knows you weren’t finished. He also wonders if you’ve always been this harsh. 

“Not sure if you’re aware but you were a real tool growing up, Miguel. Utter pure, soft, sheltered muck. This whole thing? It’s pushed you to survive. Moulded you. Given you a bit of character building, if you like.”

Your voice is much more calmer but it doesn’t change the fact that you just landed him with the most self-dismantling piece of information he’s heard in a while. 

And yet it’s so bizarre because Miguel can’t help but find himself laughing. 

Not one of those nose snorts when the group chat send subjectively funny memes or when he watches silly animal videos on his phone. No, Miguel’s caving over, free arm clutching to his stomach as he lets out a hefty guffaw. It doesn’t last long though. After about several seconds he completely stops laughing and sits back up regularly. 

Initially, you think he was about to tell you it was all an act and what you said was in fact highly offensive. But it’s when he reverts back to his original position and continues to let out small huffs of laughter that you realise he’s just not used to reacting to things he finds extremely funny.  

Which you’re questioning because nothing you said was a joke, but anything to get the sad man to smile, right?

But alas, seeing as he found humour in what you said, you let out a dry accompaniment of a laugh. 

The two of you probably looked crazy, or at least drunk, as you each mildly chuckled away, weakly swaying side to side. When you both found it funny enough to stop laughing, Miguel spoke up first. 

“Character building…” He huffs before taking another swig of his cider. “Well, that’s one way to put it.” 

You turn your body in the man’s direction and he knows you have something profound to say. Miguel realises within some meta existence outside of himself that your company is oddly easy to keep. 

“How else can you view it?” You warmly reply. “That it was meant to be? That you simply have bad luck? I dunno but every other option is just too demeaning and lifeless to live by. With this explanation at least it gives you a reason to carry on.” 

Miguel nods solemnly with a pondering look on his face. 

“I never saw it that way.”

“Of course you didn’t. You were grieving.”

There’s a pause but it’s not like the others you’ve shared so far. This silence was slightly uncomfortable, uncalled for even. Miguel didn’t mind it because he feels he’s already gone pass the point of feeling embarrassment with you but he could tell it put you in a compromising position. 

Looking over to him, your face vacates something undetectable. 

“And about that…” 

You softly clear your throat. Miguel is about to take another swing of his drink, but it’s when he sees a glint of something in your eyes, that he decides to slowly lower the bottle neck from his mouth. 

“I’m sorry for not being there for you. In all honesty I was around when it happened and definitely knew what was going on I just…I didn’t know how to approach you about it. We’d grown apart for a bit and it was just…it felt strange to give my condolences after being distant from you for so long.”

There’s a tingling sensation scratching at the cage of Miguel’s chest. 

He doesn’t know what the feeling is. All he knows is that he hasn’t felt it in awhile. But then again, Miguel hasn’t felt a lot of things in awhile so he’s not questioning what it is. But most of all, Miguel is surprised that he’s feeling things for once. He’s not sure if he wants to confront himself about them but he knows that they’re influencing his thought process. 

Miguel tries to take a sip of his drink, but suddenly the liquid felt foreign in his mouth and his throat seemed unwilling to gulp it down.  

He contemplates backwashing it back into the bottle but he’s suddenly subconscious about his image in front of you and how you perceive him. 

Weird. 

He forces the cider down. 

“It’s whatever. Shit happens.” He says while squeezing the edges of his lips clean. 

You make a noise of disagreeal. You used to make it all the time as a teen. Miguel wonders if you continued using it after all these years or if you just redeveloped the habit having being in his presence. He also notices how your chair seems to be a lot closer to his despite you never moving once. 

“I know.” You say with slow and downward enunciation. “But either way, I’m sorry. I should have done better by you.” 

You’re trying to stress something to him. He knows that now for sure but Miguel doesn’t know what you’re putting down or what he’s allowed to pick up. 

He watches over at you with firm determination to find out what you’re insinuating but once he sees the way your eyes reflect the fiery dances of ambers, oranges and borderline crimson reds, he turns his head forwards again and clears his throat.

“I hear it. I appreciate your honesty.”

 

Miguel doesn’t know how he got into this position. 

Actually, he does. He very clearly remembers how he asked you if you wanted to carry on talking inside, within his room specifically, and how he smooth talked you into getting on your knees.

But in all honesty, he didn’t mean for it to turn out this way (or maybe he did). Yeah, he may have walked up those stairs with his dick lurching colourfully within his pants at the insinuation, but his initial intentions was to give you a safer space to talk. He’s honest when he says his invitation was powered by a lot more than just pure unadulterated lust.

“Fuck…” He hisses once you scrape your bottom teeth ever so lightly against his shaft. 

Miguel doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He doesn’t think animalisticaly stuffing them in your hair will do him any good and he thinks a hand on the cheek is too intimate. All he can find appropriate is to splay his hands behind him and slightly lean back to watch you work. 

It’s almost alien seeing how your cheeks hollow over his cock and how your eyes fluttered shut as you manoeuvre your mouth up and down the length of his member, your hand helping you with what your mouth couldn’t reach. 

Miguel doesn’t think there’s anything dehumanising about this.

He was so sure you were giving him the eyes back in the garden. And with the way your lips quipped to one side when he invited you into his room? Yeah, you were big people now. Adults. These sort of things weren’t like hushed secrets or tales of promiscuous old — these were You Either Do or Don’ts — and you both decided to Do. 

“I-I’m close.”

No, there was nothing dehumanising about having your now super hot (and single!) childhood friend suck your cock within your childhood bedroom whilst your parents backyard party went on just outside your window. 

Whether it felt right or not was for Later Miguel to worry about. 

Despite his heed, you were still working your mouth over his cock. Your lips were so prettily spaced around his girth — almost a perfect fit, and Miguel knows he could easily finish this way but he’s making an active decision not to. 

He wants to be mildly selfish and ask for more.  

“I-I said I’m…nrgh.” Miguel sits forward before laying a few fingers to your forehead. “I don’t want to finish like this.” 

You release Miguel’s cock from your mouth with a pop but you don’t leave him hanging dry. Your hand continues to stroke at his wet shaft and fuck, the way your lips glisten with your spit and his precum is legitimately going to push him off the edge, but he has to refrain himself.  

“How else did you plan on finishing?” You quip. 

Miguel seems to freeze as he gives you a look of expected understanding, and at first, he’s so sure you were going to make him spell it out but as predicted, you caught on quick and your eyes widen in realisation. 

“Oh.”

Your hand discontinues stroking Miguel’s cock and he mildly panics at your response. 

That didn’t seem like a good ‘oh’. Miguel doesn’t mean to be an enemy of his own progress but trust for him to end the day with a fractured friendship and blue balls. Suddenly, Miguels backpedalling on his initial stance of being selfish and getting what he wants. 

“We don’t have to. I—Only if it’s okay with you, if you’re comfortable with it.” 

“No. It’s fine.” Your tongue pokes out to swipe at your lips. Fuck. “Might as well get something out of this.” You quip. 

Miguel wonders whether he should have been cautious of how rusty his pipe game had gotten. He hadn’t been intimate with anyone since his late wife and even then, he stayed off of her most of her pregnancy. Either way, as he’s thrusting his cock in and out of you, all he can think of is how forward you were with telling him about himself outside in the garden. 

It’s not like he was a masochist or into degradation, but there was something about the way you were so bold and open in highlighting his flaws despite the satellite silence for well over a decade.

“How’s this for maturity, huh? For character building?” He grunts into your ear. 

Okay, so maybe Miguel’s sex talk has gotten only a bit rustier, but with the way whimpering whines dribble from your lips, he knows he’s got you wrapped around his finger like a promise string. He folds you into a deeper mating press, your feet cuddling his upper back and his body pressed against the warmth of your breasts. 

“M-Miggy.” You moan into his collarbone. 

The nickname causes an innate and deep annoyance to sprout from Miguel’s chest — so much so that he replies inadequately.  

“Shut up.” 

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he notices your stilling against his body and he immediately regrets his words. He however continues to fuck into you. 

“S-sorry. I di-didn’t me—“

“Miggy.” You moan again, this time with even more intentional lust and immediately he knows what you’re doing. 

“Don’t.”

His warning is solid, and inertly tinged with concern, because Miguel’s unsure how he’s supposed to look you in the eyes after this. You’re playing devious games, dangerous ones as you nail at his back.  

“T-t-touch me, Miggy.”

Now, you’re really testing his patience but also his limits because Miguel is taking everything in him not to go all out. 

And so he complies. Despite him knowing that it was going to rot at his brain for eons and eons to come, that he wasn’t going to be able to back away from this now that he’s had a taste, that he couldn’t go back to be being just Childhood Friends with you, he complies. 

One of Miguel’s hands reaches down between the both of you and once he wedges it close enough, he allows his thumb to swipe at the meat of your swollen clit. 

The mewl you let out is instant and makes Miguel’s dick hiccup inside of you and suddenly he’s seeing stars. Had you no concern for the party still very much going on? The possibility of someone hearing you? The issue of getting caught?! 

A devious grin finds its way onto Miguel’s lips and he’s pressing wet open mouth kisses just below your earlobe. 

“You’re so fucking dirty.” He breathes. 

Quite frankly he’s lying through his teeth. 

There is nothing about this experience or your request or your wanton reaction that was dirty. It was all in fact very sexy, lucrative. Hot. Miguel would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying every wet second of it. 

The man can’t help but look down and watch as he bounces his hips harder against your seeping cunt. White froth forms around the base of his dick and he can’t deny that the sight arouses him. 

“Is this who you really are, huh? All this time…all this time.” 

It’s implicit what he accuses that you’re so called hiding, as if you haven’t been transparent with him this whole time. A breathy laugh leaves your throat. 

“You’re…pro-projecting.” You mutter. 

All Miguel can moan in reply is: 

“I know.” 

It doesn’t take long after that before you’re cumming around Miguel’s dick and him into the wryly rubber of the condom. 

“Where do we go from here?”

Miguel is first to speak. 

The two of you have been chilling out in silence for the most of twenty minutes. He was kind enough to let you stay underneath his covers. You were comfortable as you used his bed as your own, scrolling through your phone with one hand underneath your head and your feet rubbing like cricket legs. There was enough room for both of you to lie under there but you said something about not wanting to touch him just after sex. 

Miguel deadpanned and then proceeded to call you things like spoilt and bratty in Spanish, but he still let you have your way. 

Now he was sat at the foot of his own bed (can you believe!), back against the wall as he idly played a game on his console. 

His phone had been buzzing all day; Peter and Jess ultimately amusing themselves in the group chat all whilst occasionally asking where Miguel was and whether the social interactions of the barbecue had killed him yet. He could respond now, but he’s saving the reveal of what went down till after you’re out of his hair. That way he can fanboy in the peace of his own company. 

But now that the two of you were silently sharing a space, Miguel is starting to wonder whether he wanted his own isolated company now so that he could think properly. It’s when he’s failed to complete a level for the fifth time in a row (because his minds occupied on you) that he decides to lower the controller and therefore ask you that question.

Your eyes continue to stay glued to your phone screen as you answer him. 

“We don’t have to go anywhere.” You mumble plainly. “Don’t have to put a name on anything.”

Miguel sighs loudly and he’s rubbing his face with both hands. His dramatics pass over you. 

“Fuck, no, no. I’m not doing that. It’s either we are or wes isn’t. I haven’t got the capacity for any of that situationship, fuck buddies, friends with benefits bullshit people’ve got going on.” 

Miguel is scared for himself once he says the words because it’s only after they tumble out his mouth that he realises they were kinda harsh — which, technically shouldn’t be a problem concerning that was this evening’s whole weird theme. 

But he feels even more afraid because as stupid as it sounds, he can’t lose you. Another staple in his life. Despite him only reconnecting with you for the past few hours or so, Miguel has grown very attached to you and would be an idiot to deny that you meant a lot to him. 

He couldn’t afford to lose you over one fuck. 

Either way, Miguel doesn’t regret those words. They were a direct reflection of how he felt, of what he was thinking whilst he was fucking into you not even half an hour ago. He knows that this one canon event has caused a split trajectory for the both of you. Miguel thinks whatever happens after this is just another testament to how life continuously deals him rubbish cards but he can’t figure out what’s worst: having to let go of a possibly good thing or deal with the change that will now inevitably come with the relationship. 

However you, clearly not as turmoiled as Miguel, slightly lower your phone screen from your face so that you could stare at the man. 

“Then ‘wes isn’t’ anything then. Simple as.” 

It was so obvious this was affecting Miguel internally because there’s that screw up face he does when he’s inadvertently tickled by something he’s heard. He use to do that a lot growing up. 

“How can you be so calm about this?” He asks. 

“Because it’s not that deep.” You shrug. 

Now Miguel’s leaning closer to you, voice seeming to seethe but as a clear defence mechanism. 

“Whaddyou mean it’s not that deep?!” He spits. 

Because he’s acting like this, you now have to lock your phone and place it down onto the bed so that you can give him your utmost attention. You’re even thinking to back track your earlier words about him having matured. It was obvious that he was still that same young boy who sought to always get what he wanted. 

In a weird sense, it was comforting. 

“Not in that way, dummy.”

You force yourself to sit up against his headboard, the blanket sliding down to expose your naked chest. 

“I didn’t see sex with you as casual, Miguel. It was definitely something. But I’m just… Mm. I don’t wanna say I’m not in a rush to label anything but, it’s you. Lil o’ Miggy from two doors down. There’s too much to us and who we are, how long we’ve known each other, how much we’ve experienced each other to let sex completely change that.” 

You can tell he wasn’t expecting your words because his face falls and his eyes widen. He’s so unaware of his facial expressions that it’s cute. 

With a huff of laughter you shake your head before slouching backwards even more. The way your eyes doll over him was surely a testament to your lack of will power when it came to him. Always has and always will be. 

“I love you but in a much bigger way than just platonically or romantically or sexually. You mean a lot to me and I’m grateful we were able to have that experience to strengthen that.” You say softly. 

Miguel finally closes his mouth. His eyes still bore holes into you but you can see his skin start to redden in the embarrassment from the chest upwards. 

You’d figure it’d be a lot for him to take in. Granted — because hearing your childhood friend say they loved you in a much larger capacity than anyone ever could — despite having not seen each other in years, straight after sex, was definitely something. And you figure that part of it was you trying to express to him that you really were sorry, so you realise your triad can almost be viewed as borderline manipulative, but you wasn’t lying.  

You loved the man in a bigger way than fathomably possible, and that was the truth. 

Finally coming to his senses, Miguel leans back against his bedroom wall again, picks up his controller and resumes to play his game. Initially, you think he’s taken your words the wrong way and misunderstood you, but then he starts mumbling something as he’s watching the screen with a hard stare and blotchy crimson skin. 

“That’s unfair.” He mumbles, the click of the controller working in between pauses. “You can’t tell me you love me whilst showing me your boobs. It’s cheating.” 

And you laugh, because what else can you do? As hard-headed and brash as he was in his earlier days, this was who Miguel was. It’s the first version of him you ever fell in love with and didn’t stop loving. It’s the version you’re carpingly in love with now.

Lifting up a corner of the duvet, you give the man permission to join you in his own bed.  

“Miggy, just get underneath the blanket and stop pouting at me.” You say, and he can’t but help instantly crawl over and dutifully comply. 

[release-the-sheep]

What's a word that you really like? Not its meaning, but just really like the actual sound of it or the experience of saying it.

I have been delicately putting together my answer to this because I have so many I love in many different ways but my answer is ready now. let's go.

biology has several words that I greatly enjoy the feel of. parasaurolophus (as established in a previous round of Doing A Modest, that one by Modest herself). cnidarian. rotifer. love those.

there's a category of word with a cozy little vowel-followed-by-"k"-sound thing going on that make me happy. pocket. nook. speck.

long, all over the place bois like prestidigitation and defenestrate and horticulture.

supercalifragalisticexpialidocious.

and now for a Canadian phenomenon, c'est en français maintenant (but with a twist because my French is France French not Quebec French) :

couleuvre (cool-uvr-uh, garter snake)

ornithorinque (or-nee-toe-rank, platypus)

putain (I don't have notation to give you the pronunciation for this one but it's delicious, the biggest France-French swear, means whore)

punaise (lacking notation again, something like pu-nez, means pushpin or stinkbug but is notably used as a pg-13 substitute for putain, like fudge for fuck, BUT it's almost as yummy and satisfying to say, at least to me)

and finally, and this one is cheating in several ways but I'm a rebel: plaît-il.

cheating because while I do like how it sounds and how it feels to say, a big part of why I like it so much is meaning, and how it feels to say in the sense of how other people react to it. also cheating because of the hyphen.

it's kind of an antiquated term but it's such fun. it's used like "is that so?" or "speak on that" but in a way that makes you sound like an inquisitive 19th century gossip journalist or something. I love it.

[explodingchantry]

hi sorry to come into your inbox for this but i just need. to gripe. every new bit of info we get about the new DA game is making me more and more preemptively tired lol. mostly the way it's looking like eeevery bit of lore that's been revealed has something to do with such and such book. or this comic over here. or this podcast from two years ago. or THIS podcast that is happening now that's a ~discord exclusive~. or this youtube series. or this random VA talk show. etc etc ad nauseam. i am so tired of videogames coming with HOMEWORK you're expected to do just to know what's going on

Please never apologise for sending messages!!

I think its honestly REALLY funny how bioware just doesn't know what it wants. On one hand they say that the new game is fine for newcomers, the way they did for dai, and use this as an excuse for how dumbed down some of the writing is - but then in the other hand the majority of the characters and plot beats have origins hidden behind pay walls.

It was already bad enough when, to understand each game properly you had to have paid for the previous one's dlc (want to know anders' past as a warden? Buy awakening! Want to know wtf is up with Morrigan and the eluvians? Buy witch hunt! Want to know who tf corypheus is and what hawke and varric even have to do with him? Buy legacy! Want to understand ANYTHING about veilguard? Play the descent AND trespasser, our epilogue that we hid behind a paywall!!!!!) and you know at least the dlcs were pretty good on their own so I could forgive it a little bit.

But there's so much extra media now omg I haven't touched a single one of the comics because I'm not rly into American comics, I've read almost all the books and some of them are genuinely fucking mid. And at least back in the day the books were more... Bonuses? You DONT need to read the stolen throne to understand anything on the games, but it's INTERESTING. it explores characters you mightve been curious about. I love that ! Or the last flight is really interesting, just, to see how the 4th blight was beaten, to get to know those legendary heroes, and know why griffons went extinct. A bit annoying because you do need to read it to also understand how the hell they're coming back - but it still feels a bit more like a bonus than a necessity.

But then we have asunder, which also in general just kinda sucks as a book, that is really really needed to understand the mage rebellion, Fiona, Cole, and the cure for tranquility. The characters will explain a lot of those things to you in game, but it leaves you with the certain feeling that you're missing something. It's a huge advertisement for asunder.

Similarly wicked eyes and wicked hearts is hollow if you haven't read the masked empire which is also my least favorite book because it's so damn fucking boring I literally never managed to finish it, but it's mostly because I hate Trick Weekes' writing lmfao. Gaider was wildly misogynistic but my god at least he was entertaining as a writer whenever he didn't butcher female characters.

That's two major plot beats in inquisition that require reading one of the books. And ofc it's major villain and another major plot beat that require having played the previous game's dlc to properly understand.

And since then we've had so much more. I don't know. It's just complicated because I *like* book characters showing up and the books having importance in the sense that, I like reading and I'm a lore nerd lol. But I think there's a lot of frustration to be had as to the sheer quantity of extra media you need to consume if you want to be invested in the story. Because you could say "well just don't buy them then" but I LIKE dragon age, it's story, and plot, but omg some of the books and comics are also so hard to find and so EXPENSIVE. I think tevinter nights costs like 20£ if you want it on paperback rather than Kindle, and don't get me started on the dozens of comics.

At least the podcasts and discord only content isn't nearly as offensive, imo, because they're free. But also there's another issue with all of this extra content - it's that it doesn't get fucking translated. Not often, anyway. Not in as many languages as the games do. That means there are many, many many many players and fans who are just not allowed to learn more about their favorite game series because they don't speak English, because theyre not rich enough to buy 10 books and 20 comics. It feels a bit wrong