#and offered to pay past a certain amount of fixes

[doggirlhen]

the thing is you have to get a good grade in being an art commissioner. you cannot be a bitch when paying for art. you have to be patient and nice. i have not been perfect in my years of paying other furries for art of my funny animals but i can, with confidence, say ive gotten a good grade. artist friends of mine agree im awesome and fankly the Keys to being Awesome at being a commissioner are just like. being nice and recognizing artists arent machines. theyre people who have their own lives and are not infront of their tablet drawing for everyone 24/7. youll find them posting about some game or movie when youve been waiting three weeks for something and thats fine. youll find them having difficulty getting something exactly like how it is in your brain because, like all people, they cannot read your mind. you gotta have everything ready and upfront and be ready to answer questions. its fine to be a little nitpicky and a little "sorry im not quite sure on this pose, could you do X Y and Z" and not be an asshole about it. after a certain number of "can you do X different" you have to realize its either not going to be exactly how you want it to be or the artist is going to want to kill you with hammers. and thats fine. i think artists have every right to want to kill you with hammers.

[yiptsu]

Hey, here's a chance for you to ramble ;)

About who because I have way too much to say all at once

Like for fucking starters the way the fandom took Dreamtale (which quite frankly didn't belong in the UnderTale Multiverse in the first place and I'm 90% sure Joku just wanted to insert her[?] OCs and story somewhere she[?] knew it would get attention) and turned it into something fantastic was absolutely incredible to watch pan out in real-time. Second of all there is nobody in this world who is more in love with Nightmare's design than I am at this point 'cuz there has not been a single day in the last five years I have not thought about him (/srs) good LORD there is way too much to talk about there and I promised someone I wouldn't be un-sfw on here just know I'm on my knees barking for him begging him for a chance a SINGLE chance and that I would pay for.. certain artwork.. of him if given that opportunity..

Anyway I think the fandom's version of Dreamtale both ruins and improves the overall story because quite frankly I have never been happy with how Passive!Nightmare straightup dies but maybe that's just the angst brain y'know I think that Nightmare living but holding a deep hatred and/or jealousy for Dream would have been a better route there but also I understand that the AU doesn't only revolve around them and has to involve other characters and having Passive die is probably one of the easiest ways of doing that. But also if Nightmare killed his own mom how much extra angst potential would there be, right? 'Cuz then we'd also get angst with Dream trying to move on from it and forgive him and that is a whole other topic and I'm tryna stay on track here.

Speaking of Dream I personally think that the way the fandom used to (and still does sometimes) treat him was foul.. absolutely slanderous. UwU little soft boi Dream.. bleh. I think I could understand that take on Dream if it was when he was younger or had just directly come out of statue form but the people who used to write him as just some guy who lived solely to fix his brother and not think about anything else was certainly something. I mean I think you could technically write a perspective like that but it would take such a large amount of effort to fit properly within literally any sort of canon that it just wouldn't be worth it at all unless you're really that dedicated to it. Anyway, I think I'm just glad that the fandom has largely moved past the entire pathetically weak Dream saga that happened. I really fucking love Dream who is still grieving over the loss of his brother but can also accept that he's gone and is focusing on saving the Multiverse instead of trying to get his brother back at any cost I'm so in love with that version of Dream but nobody writes him like that on Wattpad so whenever I'm reading a fic about him it's HORRIBLE.

Y'know what I'm taking the chance to talk about how I don't think there's enough religious content surrounding Dream and Nightmare because I'd like to remind everyone that they are Guardians, which is pretty similar to Gods depending on who you ask. You CANNOT tell me that, whilst Nightmare is out causing havoc and spreading negativity to the AUs and such, not a SINGLE person would start thinking of him as a deity-like figure. Take it a step further and have them praying to him and giving him offerings like that is a banger concept if done correctly.

Take it ANOTHER step further and have it be done with Dream. Sure Nightmare's the Guardian of Negativity so not many people are likely to support him and such but Dream is the Guardian of Positivity, people would 100% worship him. There are so many things you could do with this concept, have him running around trying to keep his supporters happy whilst also protecting the Multiverse from Nightmare, have him be overwhelmed have him be fearful of the way people view him because it reminds him of the times before the Apple Incident oh my God please can someone do anything with this concept

Also side note I am in love with the bad sanses poly ship like that's also something not explored enough within fics I'll get around to writing something about it eventually but LORD the things I would do to read a 150k word fic about their adventures and their love for each other and their arguments and their miscommunications and their flaws and how they love each other's flaws and how they accept each other for who they are without having to drastically change anything about themselves and how they've finally found comfort in other people like them and how they never thought they would so they're super happy and AAAAAAAAAA dude. The things I'd do to read something like that.

Also. Listen to me. Error. I don't think I have to say much else because the large majority of people are already agreeing just based on Error alone but.. Error.

I am a VERY big fan of how his redesign is VERY similar to Geno's design except in negative form with some slight variations and I don't know if anything I'm about to talk about was on purpose or not but we're going into it anyway. First of all I love the idea of a Sans somehow glitching his way practically out of existence and becoming a fucked up piece of code like Error, but God the way his design looks will never get old to me. Never. The way he's all black because it's the negative of white and y'know in computer viruses and crashes they usually portray it as turning into negative colours when something has gone wrong BUT the way that Error's design only uses the primary colours (red, yellow, blue) WOOF that gets me GOINNNNNGGG like YES we've gone back to the basics no more complex colours no more special little colour palettes nothing like that he is basic and he is simple. He is UNPREDICTABLE like a virus he does not have any set opinions or personality traits at least not set in stone he is unhinged he has nothing to properly define him other than the term 'manbaby' and it is SO good because he isn't Sans he isn't even considered one or at least he shouldn't be because yes technically he is one if you look into it even the slightest but he has basically zero similarities because his personality is negative his personality is flipped his personality is FUCKED everything about him is FUCKED and he is INSANE. He is not patient like Sans he is not mysterious like Sans he is not harmless unless heavily, heavily aggravated like Sans he is the opposite he is a FOOL. A JESTER. Can someone draw him in a jester's outfit I think that would be funny anyway I love him he's my little meow meow my little guy my little non-friendly pal ALSO his fucking birthday is a 404 joke and his strings are a joke too for strings of code and it took me FOUR YEARS to figure that out because I'm a dummy but once it clicked?? Wowza it was like a new world opened because I could actually finally understand what his strings were all about.

I don't really have much to say about Killer if I'm being honest with you.. I'm just obsessed with him because he's a crazy extrovert who stabs people to death and also his design fucks hard though I do somehow keep forgetting his Soul whenever I draw him.. which isn't often I really need to start drawing him more he's SO fun his little drippy eye sockets are SO much fun to draw I cannot lie to you guys I would most definitely do a full piece of art of him if it meant I got to draw his eyes.

Fuck it I think Killer and Nightmare's possible relationship dynamics go CRAZY and I will need there to be more content of them. It does not matter if it's ship or not I just need them being them. I need Killer annoying Nightmare but Nightmare putting up with it because he finds it really cute how Killer likes being near him even if it's only to annoy him. I need Killer being patient and listening to Nightmare struggling to explain his own emotions (I also need Nightmare who can process everyone else's emotions besides his own) and Nightmare being so so grateful that he can confide in Killer about it. I need Killer following Nightmare's every word and demand because he wants to please him and when Nightmare compliments him it's all worth it. I need awkward Nightmare and Killer where Killer keeps trying to befriend Nightmare but Nightmare can't figure out what he's trying to do so he's just like "???" until Killer has to outright ask him to be friends. I need not awkward Killer and Nightmare where Nightmare knows full well that Killer wants to be friends but he is afraid of what would happen and he's afraid of putting their team in danger because what if he says something bad and Killer decides to leave ?? What would happen to the rest of his team then ??

I need Nightmare and Killer content where Nightmare is willing to take the risk of befriending him if it means being closer with him. And then I need Nightmare and Killer content which evolves into Killermare content which then evolves into bad sans poly.

I need Nightmare and Killer. Just in general now I just need them no further context.

WHEW the things I could say about Blueberror.. man I only started getting into him like a week ago because of a Wattpad request but I completely forgot how in love with his design I am. I can't really comment on it the same way as Error because, well, nothing tops Error but his design is so so so fun I love it I love how he still resembles his old self I love how not much changed other than he, again, became a sort of negative-like version of himself. I fucking love the stars on his face too I think face markings have gotta be the best thing to ever happen with OC creation in general things just feel incomplete if they don't have something there to draw on their faces

Wait is that the link? Is that what I've been missing???? Blueberror has stars Error has lines, Killer has his drippy eyesockets and Nightmare has his one singular covered drippy eyesocket oh fuck they all have some sort of identifiable feature on their faces God damn it

[drades-lair]

Fixing Fizz

It wasn’t lost on Calus how often he was finding himself at Asmodeus’s palace, the prince of Lust calling on the Dracony more and more for things he needed handled. Tonight, the tone Asmodeus gave off said he had a bigger mission for Calus to take on which left the Dracony in an uneasy state namely because he wasn’t sure what to expect.

“Calus~ nice to see you as usual,” Asmodeus chimed, emerging through the double ornate doors of his office.

“Always a pleasure,” Calus greeted in turn, walking past Asmodeus into his office.

“I know I’ve been asking a lot lately…I appreciate you indulging me,” Asmodeus stated, closing the office doors so as they’d not be interrupted.

“Not a problem, you’ve been paying me so it’s not like I’m not getting my worth,” Calus retorted with a chuckle, shrugging off his duster that he hung over the back of a high back chair before settling in it.

“Nonetheless…anyways, as you might have guessed I have something to ask of you once again,” Asmodeus chatted as he moved to the high back chair across from the one Calus sat down in, the flames of the fireplace flitting across the room.  

“I assumed so, yes,” Calus huffed a laugh in turn as Asmodeus sat across from the Dracony.

“I’m not going to waste your time so let me just get right into it, you have healing abilities…could you…say, regrow a limb using them?” Asmodeus inquired appearing a little hesitant in his inquiries.

“Um…well, short answer would be yes…however, it’s not as simple as that. I regrew a hand on someone once, but it took a lot out of me to do it,” Calus responded, arching a brow in suspicious curiosity.

“Alright, here’s the deal, mine and Fizz’s anniversary is coming up…I was hoping to do something unique…personal for him this year,” Asmodeus began to explain.

“And…where do I come in?” Calus wondered, turning his arched brow into a furrow.

“I was hoping that your abilities would allow you to regrow Fizz’s limbs,” Asmodeus bluntly stated, taking Calus off guard.

“Oh…wow…um…okay, that’s an entirely different ball of wax. Where to begin? First, I’ve not regrown entire limbs before using my abilities and even the hand I spoke about had leftover bone to work with not just gone. Second, the amount of time it’ll take to accomplish something like that would be…a year maybe more because I’d have to do segments… if at all,” Calus began to explain, tone slightly exasperated at the very thought.

“Time isn’t an issue, I’m sure Fizz would be fine with any amount of time it would take,” Asmodeus assured Calus.

“It’s not just time Asmodeus…in between segments Fizz will be in immense pain, I’m not just growing flesh and bone…it’s tendons and nerves and once again that’s if I can muster the strength to do it,” Calus continued to explain.

“I see…there’s no way you can do it in one session?” Asmodeus asked, face dropping at the realization.

“I don’t think so…I can do a lot with my abilities but…I can only do so much,” Calus reiterated, a look of sympathy crossing his features.

"I understand...and you're certain Fizzy would suffer intense pain?" Asmodeus checked.

"Yes, no matter what is given for the pain Fizz would still suffer some form of pain, I morally don't want to put him through that," Calus finished.

"Alright, Alright, I get it. Guess I'll go to plan B for a gift. Thank you for indulging me, Calus, and I'm sorry for wasting your time," Asmodeus relented, offering an understanding smile.

"Not a problem, sorry I couldn't help," Calus retorted as they both stood up, Calus grabbing his duster from the chair before heading towards the door with Asmodeus.

The two bid a thoughtful fair well then Calus left, little did he know this wasn't over. Later that evening Fizz returned to the palace to find Asmodeus had set up a romantic evening of wining and dinning. All in all, the evening was amazing as usual however upon returning to the bedroom Fizzarolli remembered he forgot to drop off a manifest from his recent outing to Ozzie's office. Slipping into the office on the way to the bedroom Fizz went straight to the desk where he placed the manifest on the large desks surface resulting in him accidently shuffling some papers around revealing a contract he'd not seen before, pulling the contract out Fizz read through it, eyes growing wide in shock at its contents. Written on the paper was an agreement that Asmodeus would pay a large sum of money along with supply goods to Calus should he agree and accomplish the task of regrowing Fizz's missing limbs. Fizz's heart pounded with disbelieving excitement, was there really a chance to get his arms and legs back? Continuing down the contract Fizz eventually reached the bottom where his heart dropped upon seeing that under Asmodeus's signature it said request refused. Why would Calus refuse? Fizzarolli wondered in his mind after all the Dracony always seemed like a good guy. Glancing around Fizz placed the contract on Asmodeus's desk but located the original on his computer and printed a copy that Fizz then folded to place in his pocket before continuing to the master bedroom where Ozzie was waiting for him.

…

Striker yawned in the process of making his way into the kitchen of the penthouse, stretching over his head. Grabbing a mug from the cupboard he started making a coffee just as Calus strode into the kitchen, coming up behind the imp to place his hands on his hips. Striker threw a sleepy smile over his shoulder at the Dracony before they shared a gentle kiss.

"Sleep well?" Calus inquired, grabbing his own mug.

"Yeah, for the most part," Striker responded.

"Glad to hear it, hmm?" Calus began to respond when the doorbell sounded causing him to glance towards the front door.

"Expectin' someone?" Striker wondered following Calus' gaze.

"No, I'll be back," Calus stated heading towards the front door.

Calus moved to the small white box on the wall next to the door, pressing the button to respond to the bell.

"Hello?" Calus asked into the speaker of the box.

"Um...hi, it's Fizzarolli, may I come up?" Fizz's voice asked over the call box.

"Oh, hello Fizzarolli. Yes, of course you can come up, one moment," Calus assured the imp. Pressing another button, waiting until the elevator light on the white box turned green indicating it would allow Fizz to come up to the penthouse suite. Sure enough after a few minutes there was a knock at the door prompting Calus to answer it.

"Hi Calus, sorry to interrupt your morning like this," Fizz stated as Calus opened the door.

"It's no problem, come on in," Calus acknowledged guiding Fizz inside before shutting the door behind him.

"Thanks, oh! Hi Striker," Fizz waved with a slight blush on his face upon noticing the pale imp standing partially naked in the kitchen making coffee.

"Hey Ya clown," Striker acknowledged, stirring his coffee.

"Um, I was hoping to talk to you about something Calus...alone," Fizz stated turning his attention to Calus who was working his way back into the kitchen.

"Alright...we can go to my office in a minute, would you like a coffee?" Calus offered.

"Sure," Fizz accepted.

Once Calus got them both a coffee, he showed Fizz to his office which was across from the staircase leading up to the pool behind the living area. After they were inside with the door closed Calus sat behind his dark wooden desk while Fizz took a seat in a high back chair on the opposite side. Calus casually sat back with a small huff as Fizz nervously toyed with the coffee in his hands.

"So... what’s this about?" Calus inquired casually taking a sip of his coffee.

"Well...it's about this," Fizz nervously stated, setting his coffee on the desk before pulling the contract from his pocket, unfolding it to place on the desk in front of Calus. Arching a brow curiously Calus set his mug down to pick up the paper, giving it a once over causing his brow to slowly furrow.

"Asmodeus showed you this?" Calus questioned, peering over the top of the paper.

"N-No, I found it last night while I was placing something else on his desk," Fizz explained. Calus pinched the bridge of his nose with an exasperated sigh before placing the contract on his desk again.

"Look Fizz, I know how it sounds but as I discussed with Asmodeus, I'm not morally comfortable performing the procedure on you and that's if I even have the capability of doing it in the first place," Calus briefly explained.

"What do you mean?" Fizz wondered furrowing his brow.

"Fizz, my healing abilities are powerful but performing something as intricate and lengthy as regrowing a limb will take a lot of energy...I'm not certain I have that sort of power in me and even if I did the amount of pain, it would cause you upon waking from the procedure would be...beyond excruciating," Calus explained further.

"Oh please, I was blown up for fucks sake, I'm sure I can handle any amount of pain and how do you know you can't? Have you ever tried?" Fizz shot back waving a dismissive hand at Calus' concern.

"I did regrow a hand once but Fizz we're talking about an entire limb with nothing to start with! I will need to extend the bone from your shoulder to rebuild and that's only after the robotic mechanisms were removed," Calus continued to explain.

"Then you can do it!" Fizz exclaimed seemingly ignoring everything Calus just said.

"Fizz, did you hear anything I just said?" Calus asked.

"I did! I don't care how much pain it causes me or how long it takes, I want you to do this for me! Please!" Fizz insisted slamming a fist on Calus' desk.

"Fizzarolli! For the last time, I won't put you or myself through that," Calus shot back getting an edge to his tone as he sat forwards. For a long moment, they simply stared at one another till eventually Fizz let out a deep sigh, gaze averting to the side.

"I didn't want to do this...but you leave me no choice. I need this...it's the one chance I have to get something back. If you don't agree to do this Calus...I'll expose Striker," Fizz stated, tone deepening to a threatening level.

"What did you just say?" Calus practically snarled, standing up to place both palms on the desk as he slightly leaned Fizz's way.

"You heard me, you have the protection of being royal blooded, but Striker is a wanted fugitive with a lot of enemies...and I have contacts, connections to expose him with," Fizz explained holding his ground as he met Calus’ gaze.

"Threats, blackmail...seriously Fizzarolli?" Calus retorted in a slightly disbelieving tone.

"If that's what it takes...I need this...now sign the contract," Fizz insisted pushing the contract towards Calus who stared for a moment at it. Eventually releasing a breath Calus reluctantly relented, opening a drawer to pull out a pen that he promptly used to sign the contract. Fizz's body relaxed as his face lit up in excitement, the two working out details on when, where, and how this was going to happen afterwards despite Calus’ continued displeasure towards the whole thing.

Calus called Asmodeus to inform the sin he'd changed his mind as well as tell him the procedure would take place in the king of lust’s palace infirmary one week from that day. Asmodeus was thrilled to hear it stating he'd tell Fizz when he returned as he was unaware Fizz was sitting with Calus at that very moment. Calus informed both Fizz and Asmodeus that he'd get Stolas to assist as the prince had a way with politics and herbal remedies for pain. Once everything was settled Fizz left Calus' penthouse. Calus released an exhausted sigh as he sat down next to Striker who eyed his mate suspiciously. Calus gave Striker a false reassuring smile that apparently worked because the imp returned to watching TV, leaving Calus to worry silently about what was to come…this whole thing wasn't going to end well.

…

One-week later Calus made his way to Asmodeus’ palace, moving straight to the basement where the infirmary was located. Fizz sat waiting on the treatment table clad in a pair of black shorts to keep his torso naked, the plan was to do his left arm this time thus Asmodeus was preparing to remove the mechanical attachments he’d originally installed once Fizz was put under then Calus would come in immediately afterwards to start regrowing the limb. Stolas was also present, busily preparing his various potions although he looked uncertain, Calus hang his duster up on a coat rack near the door, a pensive expression upon his features.

“Now, you’re certain you want this Fizzy Frog? I-I don’t like the idea of you being in pain,” Asmodeus asked, tone thick with concern.

“Yes, Ozz, I want this…I need this…I lost so much in that fire…” Fizz assured Asmodeus, hanging his head towards the end as he stared at his mechanical hand.

“Alright, as long as you’re prepared,” Asmodeus stated, continuing to get things prepared.

“Calus, might I have a word?” Stolas inquired walking up to the Dracony while Asmodeus was distracted by Fizz.  

“Sure,” Calus agreed, walking with Stolas out of the infirmary to the hallway.

“Calus, are you certain about this?” Stolas asked once they were alone in the hallway, expression one of concern.  

“Yes, we’ll get this over with hopefully in two sessions,” Calus flatly stated, attempting to hide his uncertainties behind his usual confident stoic nature.  

“Hmm, shouldn’t you take at least a day in between to rest?” Stolas wondered, his look of concern knitting its way deeper onto his features.

“I’ll be fine,” Calus once again flatly stated, grabbing the door handle to return into the infirmary.

“Are we ready to begin?” Asmodeus asked once Calus returned.

“Yeah, let’s get this going,” Calus confirmed with Stolas following behind him.  

Stolas grabbed a bottle that he handed to Fizz with the instruction to drink the whole thing which he did with a gagging noise. Taking back the bottle Stolas gestured for Fizz to lay down on the treatment table which again he obeyed, there was already an IV hooked up to Fizz’s collar bone along with monitors that gave off steady beeping noises. Stolas injected a substance into the IV line that moments later resulted in Fizz falling asleep promptly allowing Asmodeus to start his portion of the procedure while Calus waited in the wings, grimacing at this entire concept, however if it meant protecting Striker then so be it. They’d started early in the morning however by the time Calus was able to step in for his part it was early afternoon, at first Calus easily rebuilt Fizz’s limb but, as he neared Fizz’s elbow area which was the finishing spot for the day he was beginning to struggle. Finishing the procedure in the late evening, Calus pulled his hands from Fizz’s arm after making certain to seal the end, panting slightly with sweat trickling down his temples and his legs shook slightly causing him to hold onto the table for a moment before managing the strength to head for the infirmary doors.

“Calus? Are you alright?” Stolas asked after the Dracony as Asmodeus moved to bandage Fizz’s new limb.

“I’m fine…I just need to rest before tomorrow’s session,” Calus responded, putting on a façade of confidence, managing a small reassuring smile over his shoulder before leaving the infirmary.

“Hmm,” Stolas could tell something was up with Calus however if the Dracony wasn’t willing to tell him then there was nothing he could do for him other then what he was brought to Asmodeus’ palace to do. Turning around he moved to assist Asmodeus with Fizz’s aftercare.

…

The instant Calus was in his guest room he plopped onto the bed and passed out; his energy had been drained significantly as he’d predicted. Ideally Stolas was correct, Calus should take a day or two between sessions to recover unfortunately knowing the pain that the procedure was going to cause to Fizz… he had no choice but to do them back-to-back. The next morning Calus drug himself into the infirmary where Fizz was waiting although he looked absolutely wrecked, wreathing in pain on the table as Asmodeus tried to tend him with concern on his face.

“Rough night?” Calus inquired.

“Yes, the potions didn’t work really well,” Stolas informed Calus.

“As I figured…the quicker we get this finished the quicker he’ll find ease,” Calus stated, wearily moving towards the treatment table.

With that statement Stolas proceeded to put Fizz back asleep promptly allowing the Dracony to immediately start the second session however all too quickly it became clear that ten hours of rest wasn’t enough to recharge Calus’ strength even remotely. Calus’ vision began to blur causing him to shake his head in hopes of clearing it away, his hands began to shake as well till eventually the bluish glow faded from under his hands and he swayed before grabbing the tables edge to stabilize himself. Stolas immediately ran to Calus’ side, placing a hand on the Dracony’s shoulder as Calus brought a hand over half his face, panting heavily while a trickle of blood trailed from his nose.

“Calus!? Are you alright?” Stolas asked in alarm.

“I…I can’t finish it…not today…I…I need to sit down…” Calus stammered, staggering away from the treatment table.

“Asmodeus, stitch up Fizzarolli’s wound while I take care of Calus,” Stolas instructed earning him a nod of understanding from Asmodeus.

Calus made it a mere two steps from the treatment table before his leg’s gave way sending him towards the ground. Stolas cursed under his breath as Calus hit the floor unconscious, he was barely breathing, pulse weak, Calus had pushed himself beyond his limits which could spell death for the Dracony. Stolas worked to stabilize Calus as much as possible on the floor till Asmodeus was able to help him move the Dracony to one of the recovery beds across the room, stripping him of his shirt to allow for easier treatment…what little they could provide. Calus was beyond exhausted having pushed himself past his limits which for a Dracony was dangerous considering their magic came from their soul unlike others like Stolas or Asmodeus who pull from the environment of hell itself as well as their individual specializations. Short of giving Calus some life support there was little that could be done all Stolas could hope for was that Calus could rest and regain his strength. Sighing heavily Stolas took out his phone in preparation to call Striker to inform him of what happened unaware the imp wasn’t informed of everything regarding the situation. Striker was understandably upset declaring he was on the way immediately leaving Stolas nothing further to do except help Asmodeus tend to Fizz while they wait.

…

A couple hours later Striker arrived at Asmodeus’s palace, fuming as he stormed to the infirmary promptly flinging the doors open upon arriving.

“Where the fuck is he!?” Striker exclaimed causing Stolas and Asmodeus to jerk towards the infirmary doors.

“Take it easy Striker,” Stolas gently tried to calm the imp, moving closer to him with his hands raised in a submissive manner.

“Take it easy my fuckin’ ass! What happened?” Striker barked.

“Calus overexerted himself and collapsed…he’s over there,” Stolas explained, gesturing towards the left side of the room where a series of recovery beds were lined up against the wall with partitions separating them and one that wrapped around the entire bed. Through the partitions thin cloth Striker could make out a figure on the bed.

Striker’s expression immediately shifted to concern as he rushed towards the bed in question, moving around the partition where he stopped short upon seeing Calus. Striker tried to draw breath into his lungs, but they refused to accept the gesture, his mate lay on the stark white bed with a mask over his face providing oxygen, an IV line in one arm and a series of monitors that set Striker’s anxiety a blaze.

“Is he gonna be alright?” Striker asked in a quiet tone, a hand reaching out to gently lay on Calus’s shoulder.

“Depends…when Dracony use their abilities it’s not like traditional magic, it comes directly from their souls. All we can do is wait to see if his soul can recover from such a severe drain,” Stolas explained with a look of sympathy upon his features.

“Why would he do this? Surely Calus knew,” Striker questioned, brow furrowing as he looked over Calus.

“I’m not certain, something seemed…off, before we started the procedure,” Stolas admitted.

“So, where’s the clown?” Striker wondered noticing Fizz was no where in the room.

“He was taken to their private quarters so Asmodeus could easily help him through recovery while I remained to take care of Calus,” Stolas explained.

“Humph, Ya mean so I didn’t rip him a new one,” Striker corrected with a small snarl.

“That was a secondary reason,” Stolas admitted with a little chuckle.

…

Meanwhile up in the private master suite Fizz started to come around only to be surprised at having no hand yet, the pain was still intense however it seemed to have eased up a bit now that he had more of his arm back. Asmodeus comforted the imp as he managed to sit up with a pained groan.  

“Why…why don’t I have a hand yet?” Fizz wondered.

“There was…complications, Fizz, Calus collapsed and is now unconscious in the infirmary,” Asmodeus informed the imp who suddenly grew quiet with a shocked look on his features. Fizz recalled in that moment what Calus had tried to tell him about potentially not having the ability to complete the procedures.

“Is…he, okay?” Fizz wondered, hanging his head slightly upon realizing this was more then likely his fault.

“We’re not certain, he’s not doing well at the moment,” Asmodeus answered causing Fizz’s expression to drop even further as he realized his tunnel vision might have gotten Calus seriously hurt.

“Shit, Ozzie…I have to tell you something,” Fizz stated, tone hesitant.

“Hmm? What is it Fizzy Frog?” Asmodeus asked in turn, arching a brow in confusion.

Fizzarolli went about explaining everything that took place between the imp and Calus over a week ago including how he blackmailed Calus with Striker. Asmodeus listen tentatively to Fizz’s story, eyes growing wide with realization and shock.

“Fizz…why would you...?” Asmodeus stammered for a moment once the imp went silent.

“Because Oz…I lost so much in that fire…this was my one chance to get just a little of it back, but I didn’t listen to Calus, I got too hyper focused on my own selfish reasons,” Fizz continued, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he gave a small sniffle.  

“Okay, okay, do you still have the contract?” Asmodeus inquired.

“Yeah, it’s in my safe,” Fizz stated pointing to his little safe under his vanity across the master bedroom.

Asmodeus went to the safe, punching in the code to open it allowing the sin to retrieve the contract which he quickly looked over before releasing a relieved sigh.

“You never got my physical signature on this,” Asmodeus pointed out.

“No, I thought the digital one was enough,” Fizz retorted with a confused furrow of his brow.

“No Fizzy, my digital signature can stand in temporarily, but I must physically sign for a contract to be binding. This is a good thing though as it means Calus is under no obligation,” Asmodeus explained.

“That’s good…I mean it, but…do you think he’d be able to eventually finish just this arm?” Fizz wondered looking honestly relieved to hear he’d not locked Calus into this.

“I’m…not sure…first he needs to recover,” Asmodeus reminded Fizz, who gave a small understanding nod.

“In the meantime, you’ll stay in here, Striker is in the infirmary with Calus and from what I understand he is…unimpressed to say the least,” Asmodeus informed Fizz causing the imp to swallow hard.

…

One week after everything went to shit Striker sat on the medical bed beside the one Calus was laying on, flipping through his phone with one eye continuously on Calus. The sound of the double ornate doors to the infirmary opening catching his attention momentarily, revealing Fizz entering through them with a sorrowful look upon his features. Striker had one leg crooked upwards that he draped the arm that was holding his phone over, scowling at the clown imp as he approached even starting to subtly rattle his tail the closer Fizz got. Fizz swallowed around the lump in his throat, despite Striker not having his signature hat nor jacket on he still somehow looked intimidating, glowing yellow eyes narrowing towards the other imp.  

“How is Calus?” Fizz hesitantly asked stopping at the foot of Calus’ bed.

“Humph, still unconscious and weak,” Striker retorted, glancing over at his mate briefly before returning his disgruntled gaze to Fizz.  

“I- I came to apologize, I’m so sorry for what happened to Calus…this is all my fault,” Fizz apologized, hanging his head, averting his gaze from Striker’s intense one.

“I appreciate the apology but, as much as I’d like ta blame Ya for all this… in the end Calus agreed ta do it,” Striker stated with a growl that faded into a small sigh.

“You don’t understand…it IS all my fault, you see I…” Fizz began explaining what he’d done to Striker whose tail began to rattle ferociously as he clenched his claws and clenched his teeth in anger.

“Ya did what!?” Striker exclaimed, snarling in anger as he stood from where he was sitting with hands clenching into fists.

“Like I said I’m really, really sorry…I don’t expect you to forgive me or anything…AH!” Fizz exclaimed as he hit the ground, Striker looming over top of him with a death grip on the other imp’s arms.

“You little attention whore! How fuckin’ dare Ya!?” Striker growled out, grip getting tighter causing Fizz to whimper.

“I-I’m sorry…” Fizz apologized again, looking away.

“S-Striker…” Calus’ quiet tone drew both imp’s attention instantly however it caused Striker’s demeanour to change as if someone flipped a switch. 

“Calus!?” Striker exclaimed, abandoning Fizz on the floor to immediately run to Calus’ side, one hand landing on the Dracony’s shoulder. Calus shifted his head to the side to look at Striker with a small acknowledging smile on his face.

“H-how long have I been out?” Calus wondered, clearing his throat a bit.  

“Over a week, try ta rest,” Striker encouraged, tone gentle.

“A week…shit…” Calus breathed out, seeming to struggle with each word.

“It’s fine, I’m just glad Yer awake,” Striker stated returning the smile till that is Fizz managed to stand back up, entering Calus’ line of sight.  

“Fizz…?” Calus questioned moments before Striker snarled.

“Get out!” Striker exclaimed in a low possessive growl.

Fizz took the warning to heart, backing up slowly till he could leave the infirmary while Striker continued to hiss with his tail rattling when a gentle hand cupped his cheek. Striker jerked slightly in surprise, looking down at Calus and instantly settling as his expression softened.

“Hush Striker…what did I miss?” Calus encouraged.

“Fizz told me everythin’…what he made Ya do...,” Striker briefly explained, tone growing more aggravated by the second.

“Hmm…he did, did he…then you know I’m bound by contract to full fill the procedure…I just…don’t know when I’ll be able to try again,” Calus admitted, rubbing Striker’s cheek with his thumb.

“Don’t fuckin’ worry about that right now…just…get better…” Striker insisted, placing his hand over Calus’, brow furrowing upwards in a combination of relief and concern.

Calus continued to nap on and off for the rest of the day, waking from one just as Asmodeus was walking into the infirmary with Stolas.

“Good to see you’re awake Calus,” Stolas stated walking over to the Dracony’s bedside while Striker kept an eye on them from the other bed, his possessive protective nature running in overdrive by this point.

“Hmm, I’m sorry I couldn’t finish the procedure Oz…once I’m able too I’ll finish it,” Calus stated with a groan as he attempted to sit up.  

“Nah, Calus! Don’t!” Striker exclaimed, beginning to move off the bed only to stop when Asmodeus beat him to it.

“Relax…there’s no need, if you feel capable and wish too then you can however the contract is nonbinding,” Asmodeus assured Calus resulting in a stunned expression to cross the Dracony’s face as the Lustful sin gently laid a hand on his shoulder to encourage him to remain laying down.  

“What do you mean? I signed a contract agreeing to do this…” Calus reiterated, furrowing his brow in confusion.  

“The contract wasn’t properly signed by me thus you have no obligation,” Asmodeus reassured the Dracony.

“Really? Well, that’s good…what about Striker? I’m going to take it Fizz told you everything,” Calus inquired, concern seeping its way into his tone.  

“No harm will come to either of you and yes, me and Fizzy had a long conversation about all this…for what it’s worth I’m sorry this happened,” Asmodeus offered, glancing over at Striker momentarily.

“That’s good, I appreciate the…apology,” Calus stated, voice growing weary as he laid back allowing Stolas to check a few things.

“Alright, you should get some more rest I’ll return later to check again on you,” Stolas stated with a nod which Calus returned.

Calus didn’t fight Stolas on the suggestion simply allowing himself to fall back asleep, mind too exhausted to stay awake any longer. Fizz opted to avoid the infirmary or more accurately avoided Striker for the rest of the time he was in the palace waiting for Calus to recuperate, a three-week process that barely saw the Dracony back on his feet. The duo managed to leave the palace unfortunately Calus couldn’t return to work for a further two weeks when he started feeling remotely like himself again. Much to Striker’s displeasure after six long months of recovering Calus did return to Asmodeus’ palace to complete the regrowth of Fizz’s left limb, afterwards making it perfectly clear he’d be unable to do any more. Fizz was grateful to have at least one of his arms back assuring Calus he’d not be calling on him to do anything further much to everyone’s relief.   

[trialbymagicks]

Revisiting Hidden Expedition: Titanic (2006) [PC, Steam]

Valentine's Day is about self-love too, so I'm treating myself by revisiting the beloved Hidden Expedition series of hidden object games from my childhood, starting with Hidden Expedition: Titanic! 💘

Plot

The Hidden Expedition Adventure League (H.E.A.L.) has received word that the Queen’s crown rests in the wreckage of the RMS Titanic and they are enlisting the help of the most daring treasure hunter they know to retrieve it. So, it’s up to you to dive into the remains of the sunken ship and salvage as many antique artifacts as you can for the Titanic Museum Foundation during your search. How nice of them to pay you for your trouble with as many gems as you can carry!

Introduction

On July 19, 2006, Big Fish Games launched Hidden Expedition: Titanic for Windows and this charming hidden object game quickly found a resting place in the hearts of its players.

I have very fond memories of playing it on an old secondhand laptop late at night, fascinated by the chilling atmosphere and the concept of unraveling mysteries from a long-lost past. Unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to finish it, so for over a decade my mind was filled with burning questions about what treasure awaited me at the end. It wasn’t until the hidden object bug bit me again back in 2019, bringing that memory back into the forefront of my mind, that I learned that this simple game about a famous sunken ship had become the flagship for an entire series. So, I scoured the internet for this beloved relic of my past and, when I finally realized that Titanic was on Steam alongside a handful of other games from the series, it felt like the catharsis I’d been waiting for.

Some reviews on the store page addressed a concern about the game not opening to full screen, which initially worried me. Would I have to manually adjust my screen resolution in order to play it or would I simply not be able to play it at all due to the objects being too small to see? As it turned out, I never encountered either problem – even running it on a Windows 10 system – so it’s possible that that aspect of the Steam port was fixed.

Fair warning: Upon first startup, you are required to grant the program permission to make changes to your computer. This appears to be what allows it to change its resolution and open to full screen, but if that makes you uncomfortable, you may want to pass on picking it up because the game will not run if you don’t give it permission. You can, of course, choose to play the game in windowed mode later on if that is a more comfortable fit for you.

Whatever the case, I am grateful that my experience playing Titanic now was just as I remembered back when it first came out. Having sparked a love of hidden object games within me, this is the game that instantly comes to mind as the primary example whenever I think of the genre.

Review

As the first game in the series, Hidden Expedition: Titanic may not possess the larger than life cast of characters, grand sweeping story arcs, arsenal of brain-teasing puzzles, and fully voiced cutscenes of later installments, but it is a charming example of what a hidden object game is at its heart.

The gameplay is intuitive and the rules are simple to grasp:

Complete all scenes (plus bonus round) in each dive to move on to the next dive.

Each dive is timed, allotting a certain number of minutes to complete.

Find all hidden objects in each scene before the timer or oxygen level runs out.

Clicking on the wrong object uses up oxygen.

A small amount of oxygen can be replenished by finding the hidden oxygen tank in each dive.

Bonus: Challenge yourself to find all 5 gems in each scene.

The nonintrusive plot offers a humble explanation for the underwater Titanic theme and a reason to play as an explorer embarking on this dive – the promise of a secret treasure at the end and the reward of knowing you found it – which it gracefully follows through on.

The simple melody that greets the player on the opening menu sounds like a promise of adventure and the eerie repeating tune that plays during dives provides a mysterious atmosphere of wonder as well as urgency the lower the oxygen level gets. Of course, there is also a collection of Titanic facts to discover for anyone who may find themselves hungry for knowledge about the topic.

What really tripped me up as a kid was the fact that I had never seen nor heard of a lot of the antique objects on the item lists, so I wasn’t sure what to look for and usually ended up clicking around aimlessly and running out of oxygen once I had found everything I recognized. Even the hint system, which will show you where a random object is, uses up oxygen per hint!

Replaying the game as an adult was remarkably less stressful. I’m sure this is because I have learned more since then and am also much better at guessing what an object’s purpose is by its name, which makes them infinitely easier to spot in the scene. There are also plenty of occasions where it helps to know that a word could represent multiple images (for example: bat, pipe, fork, spade, plane, note, and compass), so don’t be afraid to utilize that pause button and a thesaurus if you need to!

At the end of each dive, there is a bonus puzzle to solve. The player will have to either restore an old photograph by putting its pieces together in the right order or locate a collection of silhouetted items based on a fictional passenger’s profile, no more no less.

Be aware that the final mini game before the game’s conclusion takes a surprisingly different approach!

For me, it was a little confusing at first. I failed a few times and was forced to redo the final dive after every failure in order to try again.

But that’s what I get for not paying attention! If I had taken my time, I might have realized that I wasn’t supposed to guess the numbers by clicking on random items and hoping for a clue. Instead, the numbers that appear on the combination are the hints for each object I was supposed to find. This experience did teach me that the numbers are completely random for each attempt, just like how the item lists for each scene are randomized.

Note that, to complete a dive, you must fully explore all 2 or 3 scenes labeled on the blueprint of the ship and the bonus puzzle at the end. There is no way to save your progress in the middle of a dive, so if you return to the menu or exit the game before completing it, the game will require you to complete all scenes of that dive again when you re-enter.

But this does also mean you will get new item lists when you replay the scenes, so the replay value of the game in general is pretty solid! If you were interested in farming gems this way to increase the number displayed on your certificate when you complete the game (since there appears to be no other purpose for them), you could choose to take advantage of that feature rather than rushing through the game.

Overall, this game is great for anyone looking for a simple (and lightheartedly gimmicky) hidden object experience!

The Story So Far...

While Hidden Expedition: Titanic provides little establishing lore for what would become a series set in an alternate timeline version of reality and begs us not to throw our suspension of disbelief out the window, there is still a tasty chunk of information to read into. So, let me gently take you by the hand and guide you on this journey into the great unknown…

The player character, henceforth referred to as Eris for reasons that will soon become clear, starts out as a (morally questionable) treasure-hunter-for-hire who comes highly recommended by the Hidden Expedition Adventure League (H.E.A.L.) as someone who would “appreciate embarking on [the] grand, yet perilous adventure” into the wreckage of the RMS Titanic on behalf of the Titanic Museum Foundation. Does Eris work for H.E.A.L. as an agent or just a contact? We have yet to know!

Regardless, Eris’ goal is to retrieve an unspecified number of artifacts – namely the Queen’s crown, which had been on its way to a New York exhibition at the time of the ship’s tragic first voyage – and how do you suppose the museum plans to pay for this life-threatening mission? Not with a guaranteed lump sum of money, but rather with as many gems as Eris can salvage from the wreckage themself! Of course, these gems aren’t the priority of this mission, but they’re Eris’ to keep if they can find any before running out of oxygen.

That’s not even addressing the fact that the Titanic Museum Foundation somehow expects its hired hand to swim into the wreck with nothing but scuba gear for protection against implosion-inducing pressure at 12,600 feet below sea level. Either H.E.A.L. is leaps and bounds ahead of society’s technological advancements in underwater exploration or this character is indestructible.

Oh, and another little detail that Director J. Narl Spurdly doesn’t share with Eris before sending them into the depths is that, if they happen to run out of oxygen before finding all of the artifacts on the museum’s list… the Foundation isn’t reeling them back in. Totally not morbid at all! Game mechanics aside, it’s more likely implied that they do let the player character return to safety with whatever had been salvaged in the given amount of time, but they are inevitably sent back out with a new list and renewed oxygen for another attempt.

Evidently, the chance to see the wreck up close must have been too tempting for the immortal Eris to refuse because they agree. It is at this point that I must wonder if the random Titanic facts that appear on screen during dives are meant to represent 1) the Titanic Museum representatives sharing information with them or 2) the notion that the player character is a trivia lover who is reflecting on their knowledge as a distraction from the very likely possibility of a nightmarish death before drowning. Either way, the crown is recovered, Eris is presumably a hefty pile of gems richer, and the Titanic Museum Foundation has bragging rights.

But of course staring down the face of imminent death beneath the sea for the hubris of a vain humanity wouldn’t be enough to satisfy this adrenaline junkie – because the next time the H.E. challenge comes calling, Eris is ready to set their sights on a much grander prize at Mt. Everest’s summit.

Resources

Screenshots are a mix of my own and from Neoseeker’s gallery.

For more information on the series, check out the Hidden Expedition Wikipedia page, the Big Fish Games Hidden Expedition Website, and the Hidden Expedition TV Tropes page.

Note: This article was originally posted on WordPress on February 14, 2023.

[globaldebtadvisoryae]

How Can You Find the Best Credit Settlement Services in UAE?

Finding the best credit settlement services in UAE can be a challenging task, especially with so many options available in the market. With financial stress affecting a large number of people across the country, many individuals seek credit settlement services to relieve themselves from outstanding debts. However, it’s crucial to choose a reliable and experienced service provider to ensure that your financial situation is improved effectively. In this article, we’ll explore how to identify the best credit settlement services and what factors to consider before making your decision.

1. Understanding Credit Settlement Services

Credit settlement services help individuals reduce their outstanding debt by negotiating with creditors. The aim is to lower the total amount owed, sometimes even eliminating a portion of the debt. These services are provided by companies that specialize in debt negotiation, aiming to help clients avoid bankruptcy and pay off their debts in a more manageable way.

In the UAE, where personal loans and credit cards are common, many individuals find themselves in debt due to various financial challenges. This is where credit settlement services in UAE come in, offering a solution for those who are struggling to repay their debts.

2. Do Your Research

Before choosing a credit settlement company, it’s important to do thorough research. Look for service providers that have a proven track record of success in negotiating with creditors. Check their website for testimonials and reviews from past clients. If the company is reputable, they should have a history of successfully reducing debt for clients in similar situations.

It’s also wise to ask for recommendations from friends, family, or colleagues who may have used these services in the past. Online forums and social media platforms can also provide insights into the experiences of other customers.

3. Check for Accreditation

It’s essential to ensure that the credit settlement company is accredited by a recognized authority. In the UAE, this could be the UAE Central Bank or other relevant financial bodies. Accreditation ensures that the company adheres to certain ethical standards and regulations, offering protection to consumers.

Unregulated companies might offer services that are not in your best interest or even put you at risk. Therefore, before entering any agreement, verify the company's credentials and their standing in the industry.

4. Look for Transparent Fees

A trustworthy credit settlement company will always be upfront about its fees. Avoid companies that make vague claims or require large upfront payments. Typically, fees for credit settlement services are a percentage of the debt reduced or the total amount saved. This makes it essential to inquire about any additional or hidden fees that could add up over time.

A company that is open and transparent about its charges is more likely to be reliable and have your best interests in mind.

5. Assess Customer Support

The quality of customer service can be a strong indicator of a credit settlement company’s reliability. A good company should provide clear and open communication with its clients. They should explain the entire settlement process, including the possible outcomes, and answer any questions you may have.

Make sure the company offers direct access to a representative who can guide you through the process. Poor customer service or unresponsiveness can be a red flag and may indicate potential issues down the line.

6. Avoid Unrealistic Promises

Beware of companies that make unrealistic promises, such as eliminating all your debt overnight or promising a quick fix for your financial troubles. Credit settlement is a gradual process that involves negotiation and careful planning. While the company can help reduce your debt, it’s essential to understand that it will take time and effort from both sides.

Also Read :- How Can Debt Settlement in Dubai Help You Regain Financial Control?

Conclusion

Choosing the best credit settlement services in UAE involves careful consideration of multiple factors. Research the company’s reputation, ensure they are accredited, verify their fees, and assess the level of customer support they provide. Avoid any company that promises quick fixes or seems to operate without transparency.

By taking the time to find the right service provider, you can significantly improve your chances of successfully settling your debts and achieving financial stability.

For More Insightful Articles Related To This Topic, Feel Free To Visit: Global Debt Advisory

[homeloansguide101]

Home Loan Eligibility: Tips to Increase Your Home Loan Eligibility

Are you eligible enough to avail of a home loan? Not every loan applicant has the solution to the present question, prior to applying for a home loan. Availing credit or getting a loan sanctioned isn’t a cakewalk. Skip the loan headaches! Do your research and understand the offer before signing on the dotted line. Therefore, it’s highly recommended to see your home loan eligibility before applying for a home loan.

What is Home Loan Eligibility?

Home loan eligibility is a term that signifies how much loan amount you’ll get to possess a house and whether you’re eligible for a loan or not. There are certain factors to be considered to ascertain your home loan eligibility that include the applicant’s age, income, kind of employment and property, credit score, and plenty of more.

Home Loan Eligibility Calculator:

The home loan eligibility calculator is an online tool that provides an estimate of the loan amount which will be availed. Before applying for a home loan, knowing the amount you’re eligible for help in increasing the possibility of loan approval. The calculator provides results instantly on the premise of the income and repayment capacity, which is assessed using details like fixed monthly obligations, age, etc. However, before approving a loan request, lending institutions consider many other factors, like credit score, financial position, etc.

How is Your Home Loan Eligibility is Calculated?

The banks will lend you simply so much money that you can repay. While deciding your loan eligibility, the banks would consider if you’ll pay the EMI. Banks have a threshold for Fixed Obligations to Income Ratio (FOIR). the concept is that your fixed obligations for the month (all the EMIs including for the loan under consideration) must not exceed a particular percentage of your net earnings.

FOIR = Fixed Obligations ÷ Net Income

Each bank may have a distinct threshold. It can range from 40% to 50%. The banks won’t offer you a loan whose EMI breaches the edge percentage of your net monthly income. So, if your net monthly income is Rs 50,000 and FOIR is 50%, You will not get a loan whose EMI is quite Rs 25,000 per month.

You may produce other fixed obligations too like the house rent. If the bank considers rent as a set obligation, then the threshold is often a bit higher.

Factors that Helps in Enhancing Your Home Loan Eligibility:

Good Repayment History

Stable Financial Past

No Loans or credit card dues

A credit score above 750

Regular income

Working Spouse as a Co-applicant

Less Credit Utilization Ratio

Fewer Dependents

Ways to Improve Your Home Loan Eligibility

There are quite a few ways to extend your home loan eligibility. Anybody or a mixture of those methods can assist you in improving your overall home loan eligibility significantly:

Increase Your Income: Clearly, this is often the most obvious answer, perhaps not the simplest. The more cash you create, the greater is going to be your loan eligibility. If you have got income-generating assets, you’ll put them to use. For example, if you’ve got a second house but it’s not on rent, you’ll consider putting that house on rent. By the way, this income must show in your income tax returns too.

Opt for Longer Tenure: Whenever you increase the loan tenure, there’s an increase in your home loan eligibility as there’s an inclination that the lender will get to understand that you have a lot longer to re-pay the loan. So, the chance of on-time loan repayment increases. Loans with longer tenure give the extra time to the borrower to repay it, leading to timely payment and reducing the risk of the lender.

[financenuu]

Secure Your Future with Single Premium Endowment Life Insurance Plans

For the people and the families nowadays, to be financially protected has become one of the main desires. To move any building construction, this is a considerable enough tool to reduce your chances of getting caught off guard in the future. There is no better way of putting your love and care for your family members and yourself into practice than buying a single premium endowment life insurance plan. We understand what this plan consists of and how it can augment the offer and become a reliable financial backup in India for you.

A guide to Single Premium Endowment Life Insurance Plans

Single Premium Endowment Life insurance is a form of whole life insurance policy plan that you pay with one payment only. This plan differs from other life insurance plans that have regular payments at specified intervals throughout the policy period, which is expected of this plan. Once paid, it offers coverage for that entire term. It can be useful for those who decide to spend a certain sum once and use the benefits of this decision during the term of the contract.

Key Features and Benefits

1. One-Time Payment: This plan has no middle class; the most conspicuous part of it is the one-shot payment. This does away with the issue of having repetitive charges and is suitable for people with lump sum amounts of money who desire to grow it well.

2. Coverage and Maturity Benefits: This plan provides for life insurance and has the additional feature of a maturity payout. On the premature death of the policyholder, the nominee is paid the sum assured and the bonuses also. In payout, the policyholder is paid the sum assured plus bonuses, making sure that the policyholder is financially well protected.

3. Tax Benefits: These two plans also qualify for concessional tax relief under the Income Tax Act of 1961 under Section 80C Section 10 (10) D. Hence it is financially smart, as the premium paid is tax-deductible, and the maturity amount too is tax-exempt.

4. High Returns: By having bonuses incorporated into the plan, it is possible to achieve a plan’s maturity worth several times the initial premium paid. Due to this, the product is appealing to individuals who want to invest for a long time and earn their future income from it.

5. Flexibility and Customization: Customers get an opportunity to select the period of the policy or the sum to be covered so customers can easily choose a plan that will meet their financial objectives.

6. Guaranteed Returns: The plan also comprises a sum assured, which means that at the end of the term agreed, the beneficiaries will receive a fixed amount regardless of market conditions.

Why Single Premium Endowment Life Insurance Policy is Popular in India?

India is a growing economy, and, of course, it presents changes in the economy that may affect financial directions. Single Premium Endowment Life Insurance Plans offer a reliable solution:

- Financial Security for Families: It helps you protect your family’s financial needs when you are no longer earning, such as your children’s education, mortgage payments, and other debts.

- Retirement Planning: The maturity benefits can be a big boost to your retirement savings, as they would enable you to live comfortably after retirement.

- Wealth Accumulation: Life coverage, hence investment returns, makes it a perfect tool within wealth creation.

- Risk Management: It acts as a hedge against all the factors that may affect your monetary plans in the future.

Choosing the Right Plan

When selecting a single premium endowment life insurance plan, consider the following:

- Reputation of the Insurer: Choose those companies that sound good financially and have favorable past performance.

- Policy Terms: The terms vary between the plans; selecting a plan that is suited for translation involves comparing the terms in the plans.

- Bonuses and Returns: There is a likelihood that some plans have competitive bonuses and returns; hence why the investors should search for them diligently.

- Flexibility: Think about the freedom to choose the duration of premium payment and the freedom to change the policies.

Conclusion

Single Premium Endowment Life insurance plans are an intelligent investment decision for those who want to provide for their financial requirements in India. I saw the need to diversify into a life product that has additional investment advantages to make these plans useful in financial planning. Whether it’s for the protection of your loved ones, your own retirement, or simply growing your wealth, this plan will give you the reassurance that in the future you will be sorted.

At a glance, purchasing a single premium endowment life insurance plan just sums up purchasing the insurance but involves making the right future decision, deciding the ways to protect it and taking care of the loved ones. Choose wisely today so that you can live a better tomorrow.

[ajayrealestate]

Why is real estate the safest long-term investment?

Real estate is the term used to describe a property or properties that are made up of land and one or more structures. In addition to any immovable property of this type, the real estate also includes natural resources like water, agriculture, and minerals. These might be residences or structures in general.

Describe an investment

Allocating funds with the hope of receiving returns or other advantages in the future is known as investing. The key question of "what is an investment?" is financial gain or loss, unrealised capital appreciation or depreciation, and investment earnings like dividends, interest, and rental income. These will also include income and a capital gain. Those who make investments are known as investors, and they typically anticipate greater returns on riskier ventures.

Experts in the field use a certain investment technique that helps diversify their portfolio. Stocks and shares, fixed interests, gold, and real estate are the four primary investment vehicles. Among these, real estate is quickly becoming as the greatest and safest investment option available today.

Why make a real estate investment?

According to the 2016 Gallop Poll, real estate is the greatest and safest long-term investment, far outperforming alternatives like stocks, mutual funds, and gold, to mention a few. The unexpected truth about real estate is that, despite market swings, owning a home or property provides both reliable returns and emotional fulfilment.  Forecasting findings indicate that the real estate industry is currently in a recovery phase, despite having reached a very low point in the past.

On a worldwide scale, real estate investing is also the safest choice. Compared to stocks and shares, real estate investing carries no risk. As previously said, real estate offers consistent, high profits over an extended period of time. An excellent example would be a consistent rental income. By paying a portion up front and the remaining amount over time in installments, real estate owners can use leverage to buy properties.

Methods for Real Estate Investment

Become a landlord

Using well-known platforms like Airbnb to rent out a portion of your house might be a wise real estate investment. In this sense, renting a home or owned building via any other reliable and secure method is also a smart move. You can make significant money even by renting out a room.

Invest in rental homes

The real estate sector is experiencing a rise in house-hacking. In a multi-unit building, the landlord either rents out the units or lives in one area of the home and rents the others. This can generate income with little difficulty.

Make use of a real estate website

Online real estate platforms are a good way for real estate investors to interact with developers. For their investments in the developers' numerous initiatives, investors receive payouts on a monthly and quarterly basis.

Turn over investment properties

You purchase a home at a discount, do good renovations, and then sell it for a profit. This is the main idea behind flip-house investing.

Real estate investment trusts, or REITs, make real estate investments without physically inspecting the property. They resemble mutual funds. Investing in companies that manage commercial real estate holdings will yield substantial returns.

Concluding

According to these data, real estate is among the safest and most lucrative investment possibilities available.

[creditqueenllc]

Finding the Right Credit Restoration Company for You

Credit restoration is an essential process for anyone aiming to improve their financial well-being. It involves addressing and correcting negative items on credit reports to enhance credit scores. A credit restoration company can play a significant role by identifying inaccuracies, disputing erroneous entries, and providing tailored advice on improving your credit profile. These companies work with credit bureaus to ensure your credit report accurately reflects your financial history, helping you regain control over your financial future. Additionally, they offer resources and strategies to help you maintain a healthy credit score long-term.

Evaluating Your Credit Requirements

Before choosing a credit restoration company, it’s essential to evaluate your specific credit needs. Start by identifying the particular issues affecting your credit score, such as late payments, collections, or high credit utilization. Next, set clear, realistic goals for credit improvement, such as reaching a certain credit score or reducing debt by a specific amount. Having a well-defined plan will guide you in selecting the right services to meet your objectives.

Investigating Possible Companies

Begin by checking reviews and customer testimonials to gauge satisfaction levels from past clients. This can provide insight into the effectiveness and reliability of the credit restoration company. Additionally, verify the company’s credentials and experience in the industry. Look for certifications from recognized organizations to ensure they adhere to best practices. You can also consult the Better Business Bureau (BBB) to see if there are any complaints or issues filed against the company. It’s essential to choose a company with a solid track record and positive feedback to ensure they can effectively assist you in improving your credit score.

Analyzing Services and Pricing

Credit restoration companies provide an array of services, including challenging inaccuracies on your credit report, offering financial advice, and assisting with debt consolidation. It’s crucial to understand what each company offers and how these services align with your specific credit goals. Examine the pricing structures of different companies carefully. Some might charge a flat fee, while others could have ongoing monthly charges. Be vigilant about any hidden fees or extra costs that might not be immediately apparent. Ensure transparency in their pricing, so you know exactly what you are paying for.

Assessing Customer Support

When evaluating a credit restoration company, the quality of customer support plays a critical role. A company that offers timely and effective communication can make the credit restoration process smoother and less stressful. Test their availability through various communication channels, such as phone, email, and live chat. Pay attention to response times and the quality of the answers you receive. Additionally, check if they offer personalized support tailored to your specific credit issues, rather than generic advice. This level of individualized attention can significantly impact your overall experience and success in improving your credit score. Excellent customer support can also provide peace of mind, knowing that you have reliable assistance whenever you need it.

Legal and Ethical Factors

Ensuring the credit restoration company you choose adheres to legal and ethical standards is crucial. The Credit Repair Organizations Act (CROA) sets strict guidelines to protect consumers from misleading practices. Look for companies that are transparent about their methods and do not make unrealistic promises, such as guaranteeing specific results or offering “quick fixes.” Be cautious of companies that demand upfront payment before providing any services, as this is often a red flag. Additionally, reputable credit restoration companies should provide a clear contract outlining their services and fees. By focusing on these factors, you can avoid scams and ensure you are working with a trustworthy provider.

Choosing the Best Option

Now that you’ve gathered detailed information about various credit restoration companies, it’s time to assess the strengths and weaknesses of each option. Look beyond just their service offerings; consider their track record and customer reviews to gauge effectiveness. Weigh their pricing structures and ensure they align with your budget without compromising on quality. The level of customer support is also crucial—opt for companies that provide personalized assistance tailored to your unique credit issues. Legal compliance is non-negotiable; verify that the company adheres to the Credit Repair Organizations Act (CROA) and avoids any practices that seem deceptive or too good to be true. By evaluating these critical factors, you can pinpoint the company that best fits your credit restoration goals.

Summary

In summary, selecting the right credit restoration company requires a comprehensive understanding of your own credit situation and a careful evaluation of potential service providers. Begin by assessing your credit needs and setting realistic goals. Research the background of various companies, paying attention to their track record and customer testimonials. Check for certifications and consult sources like the Better Business Bureau for any complaints or issues.

When analyzing the services offered, ensure they align with your specific credit goals. Different companies might specialize in various aspects of credit restoration, so choose one that meets your unique needs. Pay close attention to their pricing structures to avoid hidden fees and ensure transparency in costs.

Customer support is another critical factor to consider. Effective communication and personalized assistance can significantly enhance your experience and success in the credit restoration process. Make sure the company offers multiple channels of communication and has a reputation for responsive and helpful customer service.

Lastly, legal and ethical compliance is non-negotiable. The Credit Repair Organizations Act (CROA) provides important protections for consumers, so verify that the company adheres to these guidelines. Avoid any providers that make unrealistic promises or require upfront payments.

By thoroughly evaluating these aspects, you can choose a credit restoration company that will effectively help you improve your credit score and achieve financial stability.

Contact Us :

Address - High Point, North Carolina

Email - creditqueenllc@gmail.com

Website - Credit Queen LLC

Blog - Finding the Right Credit Restoration Company for You

[caldensimth]

How does Financial Markets Consulting Help You? 9 Risk Assessments Before Investing Your Asset!

We all have doubts about where to invest our savings to gain financial benefits. This is where Financial Markets Consulting comes in.

If you're considering investing in life insurance, financial markets consulting can be incredibly valuable. It helps assess various risks before you invest, ensuring you pick the best policy for long-term benefits.

9 Risk Assessments Before Investment of Your Asset: The Financial Markets Consulting Helps You Out!

In this article, you will learn about financial markets consulting and how crucial it is to choose the insurance policy before investing your money in it.

Market Stability and Economic Conditions

Before investing in any financial product, including life insurance, it's essential to evaluate the market stability and the economic conditions. A financial markets consultant will analyze past market trends, economic forecasts, and financial reports to determine whether it’s a favorable time to invest.

For example, if the economy is experiencing inflation or recession, 

According to CNN, “The U.S. economy is facing a potential recession due to financial stress and policy uncertainties. High consumer spending, driven by debt, is impacted by steep interest rates and proposed import tariffs. 

These tariffs are expected to raise living costs, while businesses struggle with reduced investments and rising operational expenses.”

So, it might not be the best time to invest in certain insurance policies. Instead, a consultant can guide you toward policies that provide better financial security during such times.

Investment Risk vs. Return

A common mistake investors make is chasing high returns without understanding the associated risks. A financial markets consultant helps you balance risk and return by evaluating different investment options.

For life insurance, they will assess whether a term 

Insurance plan

Insurance selection is necessary for the growing demand.

For example, according to Statista, “The U.S. insurance market has been projected to reach $3.93 trillion in 2025, with non-life insurance leading at $2.59 trillion. It’s the largest globally, with an expected 3.44% annual growth, reaching $4.50 trillion by 2029. Demand for cyber insurance is rising due to increasing cyber threats.”

So you need to be aware of where to invest.

Endowment plan

An endowment life insurance policy lets you choose a maturity date (5 to 30 years) and a benefit amount while paying fixed premiums. Part of your payment funds the death benefit, and part is invested.

If you pass away before maturity, beneficiaries receive the death benefit. If you outlive the policy, you get a lump-sum payout.

Universal life insurance 

Universal life insurance gives you lifelong coverage with the flexibility to adjust your premiums and benefits. Your policy builds cash value over time, growing tax-deferred while earning interest.

Need funds? You can withdraw or borrow against your savings when needed. It’s a smart mix of insurance protection and investment growth for a secure future!

Fraud and Scams in Investment Market

Many people fall prey to investment scams due to a lack of knowledge. Financial markets consultants help you identify fraudulent schemes and protect your money from unethical financial practices.

For instance, if someone offers you an insurance policy with unrealistically high returns, a consultant will investigate its legitimacy and provide you with a transparent risk analysis.

Policy Terms and Hidden Clauses

Most insurance policies have terms and conditions that are difficult to understand. Financial consultants break down the fine print and highlight hidden clauses that could affect your benefits.

For example, some life insurance policies have a waiting period, meaning you won’t be eligible for full benefits immediately. Others might have high surrender charges if you withdraw early. A consultant ensures you are fully aware of these details before making a commitment.

Liquidity and Exit Strategies

Liquidity refers to how quickly you can access your investment when needed. Some life insurance policies have lock-in periods, meaning you can’t withdraw money for a certain number of years.

Financial markets consulting helps assess your liquidity needs and suggest policies that provide flexibility. If you need easy access to funds, they might recommend insurance plans with partial withdrawal options or suggest alternative investment avenues.

Tax Benefits and Liabilities

Many investors are unaware of the tax benefits that come with life insurance. A financial consultant helps you understand tax exemptions of the Income Tax Act.

For example, if you choose a term insurance plan, you can claim a tax deduction on your premiums, reducing your taxable income. However, certain policies may also have tax liabilities if you withdraw early. 

Insurance Company Credibility

Not all insurance companies are financially stable. Some have a high claim settlement ratio, while others may have a history of delayed payouts.

A consultant will assess an insurer’s financial health, customer service ratings, and past claim records before recommending a policy. This ensures that when the time comes, your nominees receive the promised benefits without hassle.

Inflation Impact on Insurance Returns

If your insurance policy does not offer inflation-adjusted returns, the payout may not be sufficient when you need it.

Financial markets consultants help you select policies that offer higher returns or additional bonuses to counteract inflation, ensuring your future financial security.

Coverage Adequacy and Riders

Many people underestimate the amount of insurance coverage they actually need. A consultant helps you calculate the right sum assured based on your income, liabilities, and future financial goals.

They also guide you on add-on riders like:

Critical Illness Rider (provides additional coverage for medical emergencies)

Accidental Death Benefit Rider (offers extra financial support in case of accidental death)

Waiver of Premium Rider (waives future premiums to help you in case of disability)

These additions can enhance your policy benefits significantly.

Are You Ready to Invest Wisely?

Investing your hard-earned money without proper risk assessment can lead to unexpected financial losses. That’s why expert guidance is essential to making smart, secure, and profitable decisions.

Financial Markets Consulting helps you navigate risks, identify the best opportunities, and ensure your investments align with your financial goals.

Don’t let confusion hold you back from securing your future! Take control of your investments today by contacting Financial Secure and getting expert advice to choose the best financial policy for long-term growth and security.

COMPANY NAME:  Financial Secure

WEBSITE: https://financial-secure.com/ 

EMAIL: mikesamjadi@gmail.com 

PHONE: +1-2817011077

[hitchzone24]

Common Problems with Rent Payments and How to go about solving them

Rent payments can be a real headache for both tenants and landlords, but they don’t have to be! Understanding the usual hurdles and knowing how to fix them can make the whole process a lot smoother. Let’s look at some common rent payment snags and find some easy solutions that will help take the stress out of the equation of rent payments.

1. Missed or Delayed Payments

A common issue tenants face is missing the due date or paying rent late due to busy schedules, forgetfulness, or financial constraints. This not only leads to late fees but can also strain the relationship with the landlord.

Solution:

Setting up automatic payments can ensure that your rent is paid on time every month. Additionally, setting reminders a few days before the due date can give you enough time to make sure that funds are available for payment.

2. Limited Payment Options

Some landlords may only accept certain payment methods, such as cash, cheques, or direct deposits, which might not always be convenient for tenants. This can make rent payments a hassle, especially when handling physical cash or checks.

Solution:

Using digital platforms like hitchzone allows tenants to pay rent via credit cards, debit cards, UPI, or net banking, giving more flexibility and convenience. You can also earn rewards and manage your cash flow better by paying with a credit card.

3. Tracking Payment History

Without proper tracking, tenants and landlords might struggle to verify past payments. This will inevitably lead to disputes over whether the rent has been paid on time or in full.

Solution:

Rent payment platforms provide a clear, detailed record of your transactions.It means both parties can easily access a history of rent payments, including dates, amounts, and confirmation receipts. This way transparency is maintained and there are no potential misunderstandings.

4. Security Concerns

Paying rent using traditional methods, such as cash or checks, can sometimes pose security risks like loss, theft, or fraud.

Solution:

Switching to secure online payments through platforms offers encryption and fraud protection. This ensures that your payment is processed safely and reaches the landlord without any risk of theft or misuse.

5. Insufficient Funds

At times, tenants may experience financial difficulties that prevent them from paying rent on time, leading to overdraft fees or bounced checks.

Solution:

With hitchzone, you can use your credit card to pay rent, even when you're low on cash. This flexibility can prevent you from incurring late fees while giving you extra time to manage your finances before your next paycheck comes in. The bottom line comes down to this – No more worries about missed deadlines or awkward conversations with your landlord as hitchzone makes paying rent smooth, simple, and convenient for everyone involved

[visionaryvogues03]

How High-Net-Worth Individuals Structure Their Investment Strategies?

Wealth management has been gaining crucial importance since the past decade. Navigating the net worth generated from these investment strategies is a true skill which individuals need to master. With so many opportunities for growth and protection, the key lies in choosing strategies that suit your unique goals and lifestyle. Importantly, financial institutions adhere to different standards for HNWI qualification, meaning they require an individual to hold a certain amount of liquid assets or depository accounts in the bank to be treated as an HNWI. 

The Core Principles of HNWIs’ Investment Strategies

HNWIs often follow a disciplined and well-researched approach to investing. Their investment strategies revolve around a few fundamental principles:

1. Diversification Across Asset Classes

HNWIs rarely put all their money in a single investment category. Instead, they spread their capital across a range of asset classes, including stocks, bonds, real estate, private equity, hedge funds, and alternative investments like art and collectibles.

This diversification helps minimize risk while ensuring steady returns, even in volatile market conditions.

2. Long-Term Wealth Preservation

While short-term market movements can be tempting, HNWIs focus on long-term investments that grow wealth over decades rather than months.

Real estate holdings, dividend-paying stocks, and private equity investments often form a key part of their portfolios to generate sustained income.

3. Alternative Investments for Higher Returns

Unlike retail investors, HNWIs have access to exclusive opportunities such as venture capital, hedge funds, and direct investments in private companies.

These investments often carry higher risks but also offer the potential for significant returns that outpace traditional market instruments.

4. Global Investment Perspective

HNWIs often invest beyond their domestic markets to diversify their risk exposure and tap into high-growth international opportunities.

Foreign real estate, emerging market equities, and global bonds are common components of their portfolios.

Asset Allocation: The HNWI Playbook

A key differentiator in HNWIs’ investment strategies is their sophisticated asset allocation. While allocation varies based on individual goals, a typical high-net-worth portfolio might include:

1. Equities (30-40%)

Blue-chip stocks, high-growth technology companies, and global markets.

A mix of dividend stocks for steady income and growth stocks for capital appreciation.

2. Fixed Income (15-25%)

Government and corporate bonds to provide stability and low-risk returns.

Municipal bonds for tax-free income generation.

3. Real Estate (15-30%)

Commercial and residential properties as a hedge against inflation.

Rental properties or real estate investment trusts (REITs) for passive income.

4. Private Equity & Venture Capital (10-20%)

Direct investments in startups and emerging businesses for high returns.

Participation in private equity funds with long-term growth potential.

5. Alternative Investments (10-15%)

Hedge funds, commodities, cryptocurrencies, and collectibles (art, classic cars, rare wines).

Investments in ESG (Environmental, Social, and Governance) funds to align with ethical considerations.

6. Cash and Liquid Assets (5-10%)

Maintaining a certain level of liquidity ensures flexibility in seizing new investment opportunities or weathering market downturns.

Risk Management Strategies Used by HNWIs

Wealthy investors place a strong emphasis on managing risk while optimizing returns. Their investment strategies often include:

1. Hedging Against Market Volatility

HNWIs utilize financial instruments like options and futures to protect against sudden market downturns.

Hedge funds help balance risk exposure by implementing strategic market-neutral positions.

2. Liquidity Planning

Unlike average investors who may need quick access to funds, HNWIs structure their portfolios to maintain sufficient liquidity while locking in long-term assets.

They allocate a portion of their wealth in highly liquid assets such as cash, money market funds, and short-term bonds.

3. Tax Efficiency and Wealth Transfer Planning

Tax optimization plays a crucial role in HNWIs’ investment strategies. They leverage tax-advantaged accounts, trusts, and offshore investments to minimize tax liabilities.

Estate planning ensures the smooth transfer of wealth to heirs while avoiding hefty inheritance taxes.

Role of Financial Advisors and Family Offices

HNWIs rarely make investment decisions alone. They rely on a network of experts to craft and execute their investment strategies:

1. Family Offices

Many ultra-wealthy individuals establish family offices—private organizations that handle wealth management, estate planning, philanthropy, and tax strategy.

Family offices provide a centralized approach to wealth management and often oversee multi-generational financial planning.

2. Wealth Managers and Financial Advisors

Expert advisors tailor investment strategies based on market trends, risk tolerance, and financial goals.

They provide access to exclusive investment opportunities that are not available to the general public.

3. Philanthropic Investments and Social Impact

Many HNWIs dedicate a portion of their wealth to philanthropic causes, either through direct donations or impact investments that align financial returns with social good.

This strategy not only benefits society but also enhances their legacy and corporate social responsibility.

The Impact of Market Trends on HNWIs’ Investment Approaches

High-net-worth investors adapt their investment strategies based on evolving market trends. Some of the most significant factors influencing their decisions include:

1. Technological Disruption

Investments in AI, blockchain, and biotech are gaining traction as technology continues to reshape industries.

2. Sustainable and ESG Investing

Many HNWIs are shifting towards impact investing, focusing on sustainable businesses that align with their values.

3. Post-Pandemic Market Shifts

The COVID-19 pandemic has altered investment preferences, with a greater emphasis on healthcare, remote work technologies, and e-commerce.

4. Geopolitical Factors and Inflation Concerns

Global economic changes, rising interest rates, and geopolitical tensions impact asset allocation decisions, prompting HNWIs to diversify accordingly.

Conclusion

High-net-worth individuals employ sophisticated investment strategies that prioritize diversification, long-term growth, and risk management. By allocating their wealth across multiple asset classes, leveraging expert financial guidance, and adapting to market trends, they achieve financial success while preserving their wealth for future generations. Understanding these strategies can serve as a blueprint for investors looking to elevate their own financial planning and wealth-building approaches. By incorporating disciplined investing principles, even non-HNWIs can adopt some of these wealth-building strategies to achieve their own financial goals.

Uncover the latest trends and insights with our articles on Visionary Vogues

[dankusner]

Lorne Michaels Is the Real Star of “Saturday Night Live”

He’s ruled with absolute power for five decades, forever adding to his list of oracular pronouncements—about producing TV, making comedy, and living the good life.

Every week at “Saturday Night Live” is just like every other week.

The weeks are the same because they’re always fuelled by hard work, filled with triumphs and failures and backstage arguments, and built around a guest host—Jennifer Lopez, Lizzo, Elon Musk—who often has no idea what he or she is doing.

Over the past fifty years, the job of Lorne Michaels, the show’s creator, has been to make the stars look good, and to corral the egos and talents on his staff in order to get the program on the air, live.

Since the début of “S.N.L.,” in 1975, he has fine-tuned the process, paying attention to shifting cultural winds.

What began as an avant-garde variety show has become mainstream.

(Amy Poehler has characterized the institution that made her famous as “the show your parents used to have sex to that you now watch from your computer in the middle of the day.”)

But the formula is essentially unchanged.

Michaels compares the show to a Snickers bar: people expect a certain amount of peanuts, a certain amount of caramel, and a certain amount of chocolate.

“There’s a comfort level,” he says.

The show has good years and bad, like the New York Yankees, or the Dow, and the audience has come to feel something like ownership over it.

Just about all viewers of “S.N.L.” believe that its funniest years were the ones when they were in high school.

Michaels likes to say that people in the entertainment business have two jobs: their actual job and figuring out how to fix “S.N.L.”

(When J. D. Salinger died, in 2010, letters surfaced in which even he griped about what was wrong with the show.)

Cast members and writers have speculated for years about the secret behind Michaels’s extraordinary tenure.

“It’s him and Hitchcock,” John Mulaney told me.

“No one else has had this kind of longevity.”

Half of them think that Michaels has repeatedly been able to remake the show for a new audience because he’s a once-in-a-lifetime talent, a producer nonpareil.

The other half wonder whether Michaels, gnomic and almost comically elusive, is a blank screen onto which they’ve all projected their hopes and fears and dark jokes—whether he, like the cramped stages in “S.N.L.” ’s Studio 8H, is just a backdrop for the ever-shifting brilliance of the country’s best comic minds.

The kickoff to every episode, the weekly Writers’ Meeting, is at 6 P.M. on Monday, on the seventeenth floor of 30 Rockefeller Plaza, in Michaels’s Art Deco office, which overlooks the skating rink.

Monday, Michaels says, is “a day of redemption,” a fresh start after spending Sunday brooding over Saturday night’s mistakes .

(On his tombstone, he says, will be the word “uneven.”)

The guest host, the cast, and the writers squeeze into Lorne’s office—everyone in the business refers to him by his first name, like Madonna, or Fidel—to pitch sketches.

People sit in the same places each week: four across a velvet couch, a dozen on chairs placed against the walls.

Others stand in the doorway or wedged near Michaels’s private bathroom, and the rest are on the floor, their legs folded like grade schoolers.

The exercise is largely ceremonial.

It’s rare for an idea floated on Monday to make it onto the air.

The goal of the gathering, which Tina Fey compares to a “church ritual,” is to make the host feel like one of the gang.

In the nineties, the host Christopher Walken both confounded and delighted the room when he offered, in his flat Queens drawl, “Ape suits are funny. Bears as well.”

The Monday meeting unleashes a process that has been followed since the show’s inception.

After Michaels and some handpicked staffers have dinner with the guest host on Tuesday, writers stay up all night churning out sketches.

Michaels is a night owl, and he thinks nothing of scheduling a meeting at 1:30 a.m.

As with many of his idiosyncrasies, he has turned his nocturnal habits into a philosophy.

“Fatigue is your friend,” he told me, during a series of conversations.

“Fatigue wears down the critical faculties, the inner editor.

If you’re tired, it’s easier to go, ‘How about this?’ ”

In the seventies, the overnight marathons involved a lot of drugs and drinking.

Gilda Radner used to bake cookies for the writers—useful for forming alliances and getting them to write good parts for her.

(That gambit wouldn’t work as well today, now that Ozempic is the drug of choice.)

Wednesday is when the contours of the week’s show emerge; from a lot of amorphous goofing around, sketches materialize.

That afternoon, they are presented at a table read.

Michaels reads the stage directions for each sketch aloud but refrains from commentary.

“My favorite Lorne is read-through Lorne,” Seth Meyers told me, noting that it’s the one time of the week when Michaels is completely open.

“I’ve been to plenty of them where he sat stony-faced for the full four hours. But when he’s surprised he has one of the great laughs, a real head-back, mouth-open thing.”

Afterward, Michaels has a smaller meeting, with his chief lieutenants, in which he “picks the show,” in “S.N.L.” jargon, selecting which sketches to pursue.

The sketches that survive aren’t necessarily the funniest.

Other factors inform the choices: What will make the host happy?

Which groupings of pieces can be staged within the physical constraints of Studio 8H?

Does everyone in the cast have something to do?

Are there “tonnage” issues (too much scatological humor, too many accents)?

Will enough sketches play in all fifty states?

Is there enough topical material?

Michaels has said that, in putting together a lineup, he is trying “to find enough colors to make a rainbow.”

On Thursday, carpenters are at work building fake living rooms and dive bars while the performers block and rehearse.

An unusual thing about “S.N.L.” is that the writers are in charge of producing their own pieces: they dictate what the set and costumes look like and what music is needed, and they direct the actors.

This is why “S.N.L.” ’s writers’ room generates so many future showrunners.

As Mulaney, who used to write for the show, puts it: with each sketch, “for five minutes NBC is yours.”

On Friday, the staff often hears Michaels say, “We have nothing.”

He’ll be staring tensely at the index cards on his bulletin board, which lay out each tentative segment.

Employees a quarter of his age are amazed that, after fifty years, he can still seem scared.

If things look particularly bleak, he’ll ask writers if they’ve been saving any good material for an upcoming host, telling them,

“Sometimes you have to burn the furniture.”

On Saturday afternoon, in Studio 8H, there’s a run-through of the sketches.

The show is often considerably too long at this point, so more sketches might be cut (and their brand-new sets scrapped).

It would be more efficient to choose the lineup on Wednesday, but Michaels likes to mull.

“Snap decisions get you into trouble,” he told me.

“I tend to do rolling decisions.”

Sometimes the guest host nixes a sketch.

In 2015, Donald Trump was to play a tree standing next to the Giving Tree, the Shel Silverstein character who gives and gives of herself until she’s reduced to a stump.

The sketch ended with the Trump tree calling the Giving Tree a sucker.

Trump refused to do the piece, not because it portrayed him as heartless but because he worried that the tree costume made him look fat.

At 8 P.M., there’s a dress rehearsal in front of a live audience, with twenty to thirty minutes’ worth of excess material.

This is the do-or-die moment of every “S.N.L.” week.

It’s the first time the comedy is seen by “civilians.”

Michaels, sitting in a foxhole underneath the audience bleachers, witnesses what gets a laugh and what doesn’t.

An assistant scribbles as he issues notes, and writers stand nearby for instructions on revisions.

Once, when Jonah Hill was hosting, I sat by Michaels under the bleachers.

Noticing that Hill has heavily inked arms, he ordered the costume designer to cover them up: “Tom! Lose the tattoos.”

After Hill muddled his way through a sketch about a cinema with a “farm to screen” snack menu, Michaels glumly declared, “Well, he can read.”

He called another sketch “entry-level comedy.”

To a writer of a segment that grossed out the audience, he icily said, “Can you take it and make it longer?”

But a subsequent meeting in his office each week, in the ninety minutes between the dress rehearsal and the live show, is when Michaels displays his superpowers.

He is definite and direct in a way that he is not during the rest of the week—a mode that he describes as “being on knifepoint.”

His aversion to confrontation is outweighed by the urgent need for triage.

He gives orders quickly.

There is little joshing around.

According to the oral history “Live from New York,” by Tom Shales and James Miller, one night Michaels turned to Bob Odenkirk, then a writer, who was whispering to his neighbor as the minutes to airtime were slipping past.

Michaels said, evenly, “Odenkirk, if you speak again I’ll break your fucking legs.”

Watching Michaels make these fast final decisions reminds Mulaney of a line from Stephen Sondheim’s “Sunday in the Park with George”:

“The choice might have been mistaken, but choosing was not.”

Michaels’s choosing is the zenith of the week.

He loves not having any time left to obsess over details.

It’s all from the gut.

The order is reshuffled, even more sketches are ditched, new endings are added.

(Tina Fey has called such tweaks “adding a little turd polish.”)

If he makes a bad decision, there’s always next week.

Late revisions are sent to a cue-card crew, who write new cards at lightning speed.

Michaels has a superstitious side and clings to outmoded methods; he refuses to use teleprompters and requires script revisions to be done on paper.

The atmosphere of controlled chaos is so well honed that the process can seem almost automatic, but it took Michaels years to establish his precepts of producing comedy.

The problem with making it look easy, he often says, is that then people think it’s easy.

When Michaels started “S.N.L.,” he had dark, tousled hair, like Warren Beatty’s in “Shampoo.”

His hair is now silvery and frequently barbered; it frames his face in a brushy fringe, as with a hedgehog, or a senator.

He stands about five feet eight, but his posture and confidence compensate for his height.

His smile, when he summons one, bisects his face like a slash.

His eyes are close set and dark, with a glitter of mockery.

Michaels rules “S.N.L.” with detached but absolute power.

His office is decorated with a sign that Rosie Shuster, his first wife and a writer on “S.N.L.” ’s early seasons, found in a West Village antique shop: “the captain’s word is law.”

It’s a joke that isn’t really a joke.

But he doesn’t micromanage every moment.

“I’ve never been able to tell whether Lorne is driven by a managerial philosophy or a life-style philosophy,” Robert Carlock, a writer who went on to help Fey develop “30 Rock,” told me.

“He’ll let everyone fight things out while he’s at Orso”—a midtown Italian restaurant—“and he’ll come back after a nice dinner and make the decision.”

A phrase that Michaels uses often is “the high end of smart,” and he likes to say, “If I’m the smartest person in the room, I’m in the wrong room.”

But he harbors no illusions that his cultivated nonchalance is taken at face value.

One talent agent routinely tells clients auditioning for Michaels to remember that he is the real star of the show.

He is the alpha in most of his employees’ lives.

To those people, and to the wider comedy world, he is a mysterious object of obsession.

Conversations about him are peppered with comparisons: he is Obi-Wan Kenobi (Tracy Morgan), the Great and Powerful Oz (David Spade, Kate McKinnon), Charles Foster Kane (Jason Sudeikis), a cult leader (Victoria Jackson), Tom Ripley (Bill Hader).

“There’s so many people who, their whole lives, have been trying to figure him out,” Hader told me.

Jon Hamm—a student of the show since he was six, when his divorced dad let him stay up and watch John Belushi—has hosted three times and says that he always learns from watching Michaels meet his deadline.

He remembers Michaels explaining how sometimes he’ll pick one sketch over another not because the writing is stronger but because it will be more powerful live_._

Hamm once delivered a monologue that involved showing pretend “clips” of his acting jobs before “Mad Men.”

The show could have pretaped the bits of him selling jewelry on QVC or doing standup on “Def Comedy Jam.”

(The joke: he sounds and looks just like Don Draper in all of them.)

But Michaels knew that it would be more exciting for the studio audience to see him running around making quick costume changes and popping onto different stages.

This is the essence of producing.

Michaels didn’t always know how to do it.

Born Lorne Lipowitz in Toronto in 1944, he started out as a writer and a performer.

The rudiments of producing were picked up over time, as he tried to find a place in show business where he could have creative control.

After graduating from the University of Toronto, he and a law-student friend, Hart Pomerantz, formed a comedy duo in the vein of Martin and Lewis.

Michaels played the straight man, often interviewing a “zany” character played by Pomerantz.

The team’s signature creation, the Canadian Beaver, was played by Pomerantz as a bucktoothed rodent with an inferiority complex about his imperialistic neighbor to the south, the American Eagle.

“Legs? All I want is a comfortable bra.”

A gig on a CBC radio show ended with the duo being fired.

Michaels wasn’t too heartbroken—he worried that their act was dopey and out of step with the culture.

He and Pomerantz sold jokes to other comics and went to New York to meet with Woody Allen, who was looking for writers.

The trio didn’t click, but after the meeting Michaels sent Allen a “bright joke”—one for smart people.

A man is obsessed with the idea that there’s no such thing as an original thought—that, somewhere, another guy is thinking the exact same thoughts, at the exact same time.

Eager to meet this mental doppelgänger, he somehow gets the other guy’s phone number.

He dials the number . . . ​and the line is busy.

Allen didn’t use the joke, but he pronounced it very funny.

“Woody saved my life with that,” Michaels told me.

In New York, he went to the Improv, in Hell’s Kitchen, and saw a young comic named Richard Pryor, who did a ten-minute one-man tour de force about a group of liberal New York actors bringing a play about interracial romance to a prison in the South.

The warden keeps demanding to see a “dead n——” onstage.

This was a new turn in comedy, devastating and brave, and Michaels wanted to follow it.

He believed that comedy “should be of use.”

He recalled being “messianic about it.”

But the work available to Michaels was far less ambitious.

In 1968, when Michaels was twenty-three, he and Pomerantz moved to L.A. to be junior writers on an NBC variety program called “The Beautiful Phyllis Diller Show.”

Michaels arrived for his first day with long hair encircled by a hippie headband.

His colleagues were men in their fifties and sixties who’d started out in radio.

The work seemed outdated, too.

“The first assignment we were given was to write fifty ‘fag jokes,’ ” Michaels said.

(Rip Taylor played Diller’s hairdresser, Paul of Pasadena.)

Each episode ended with a production number saluting a “forgotten American,” like President James K. Polk.

Michaels told himself that he’d ruined his life.

He was shocked, however, when the first episode got strong ratings.

The newspaper columnist Joseph Kraft had recently coined the term “Middle America,” and as Michaels spent more time in network TV he would learn to keep that demographic in his sights.

He now regularly reminds his “S.N.L.” staff, “We’ve got the whole country watching—all fifty states.”

Although the Diller show eventually flopped, Michaels learned a lot from his colleagues there.

One of them, George Balzer, who’d worked for Jack Benny, gave Michaels stacks of old Benny radio scripts.

They were deceptively short, “because they were all pauses,” Michaels said.

“I began to see what a joke looked like on a page. It was like knowing how to prepare a dish. Like: ‘To start with, the eggs go here.’ ”

As he became a comedy scholar, he started to recognize that his own talent was more curatorial.

He knew what was funny.

When Michaels told people that he wrote for TV, they’d sniff and say that they didn’t even own a set—they read books.

“Television was embarrassing,” he said.

“It was vulgar.”

It was still seen as the boob tube.

He started to understand what the philosopher Marshall McLuhan had been talking about back at the University of Toronto—the idea that, whenever a new mass medium emerges, it frees up the medium that preceded it, allowing it to innovate.

“Television becoming so powerful liberated movies, so that movies no longer had the burden of being mass,” Michaels told me.

Auteurs such as Stanley Kubrick and John Cassavetes were making rule-breaking films;

the Rolling Stones and David Bowie were pushing the boundaries of rock and roll.

TV was a backwater.

Michaels was stuck writing shopworn gags for a bitchy hairdresser character.

“Everything but television was changing,” he said.

Although Michaels was questioning the point of TV, he still needed to work.

After “The Beautiful Phyllis Diller Show” was cancelled, he and Pomerantz got hired at “Laugh-In,” a hit variety show on NBC that was hailed as TV’s first collusion with the counterculture.

The comedy derived from pie-in-the-face burlesque, but what distinguished the show was its frenetic pacing.

In a signature segment, the Joke Wall, performers in mod regalia poked their heads out of holes in a set, like cuckoos emerging from a clock, and spouted one-liners.

(“What goes ‘Ho ho thump’? Santa Claus laughing his head off.”)

The creator of “Laugh-In,” George Schlatter, proudly compared it to a pinball machine.

The show could be hilarious, but Michaels felt that its writers were disrespected—they worked out of a motel and never attended tapings or met the talent.

Jokes were rewritten without consultation.

“I was at a No. 1 show and a cool show,” he said. “But we were not part of the process.”

Although “Laugh-In” was studded with jokes about the Pill, politically it was toothless.

The show avoided thorny topics like the Vietnam War, except for silly bits such as Goldie Hawn biting her lip and saying, “I don’t like the Vietcong because in the movie he nearly wrecked the Empire State Building.”

The writers couldn’t get any Nixon jokes on the air.

Working on a No. 1 show was no more satisfying than working on a failure.

Michaels began dreaming of a show of his own—and he had the skills to pitch one.

Sandy Wernick, a talent agent who would soon sign Michaels, told me, “Lorne had the greatest gift for gab that I had ever heard in a guy in his twenties. He had theories of what comedy was all about. He knew exactly where the comedy of that era was going to go.”

In 1969, the only network that would let Michaels run his own show was the CBC, so he retreated to Canada with Pomerantz to create “The Hart and Lorne Terrific Hour.”

They did the Canadian Beaver shtick, among other bits, but Michaels began to realize that he was most engaged in the editing room, looking at how shots were framed and paying attention to lighting filters during musical acts.

The show’s high point was “The Puck Crisis,” a mockumentary about an invasive species that spread Dutch puck disease, devastating Canada’s hockey-puck farmers.

Alongside grim footage of lab-coated scientists examining shrivelled pucks drooping from branches, a dead-serious voice-over explains the blight’s origins:

“Puck pests, or puctococci, were accidentally carried over on the sticks of a touring Dutch hockey team.”

Michaels plays a newscaster interviewing citizens about the disaster, cutting in a clip of the real Canadian hockey star Bob Baun playing along.

(“Without pucks, I’m just a guy who skates backwards.”)

Pomerantz, who was more of a gag man, told me, “That’s producing. I wasn’t good at that.”

“The Puck Crisis” embodied the kind of deadpan conceptual comedy Michaels wanted to make.

The show was popular, but the CBC dropped it after a few seasons.

Michaels knew that the sort of unconventional humor he liked wasn’t yet viable on American networks, but it was taking hold on a smaller scale, offscreen.

In addition to Richard Pryor, comics including Lily Tomlin, Steve Martin, and Albert Brooks were beguiling club audiences with raw material that rarely made it onto the “Tonight Show.”

The common ground was a worldliness about drugs and sex, and skepticism about politics and corporate America.

Show business—the hacky, sentimental kind—was another target.

After a string of dispiriting TV jobs back in L.A. (including a Perry Como special), Michaels met Tomlin, who’d been on “Laugh-In.”

They bonded over their ambivalence about TV, and the way it lagged cheesily behind the rest of the culture.

It drove him crazy, he told her, when there was a sketch about marijuana on a Bob Hope special and the “stoned” performers just acted drunk.

Starting in 1973, Michaels helped Tomlin make three network specials featuring long, character-driven sketches, with Tomlin addressing the audience in between.

Tomlin told me, “Lorne can add to stuff, but he’s not necessarily, like, a really diligent writer.”

He was better at shaping other people’s ideas.

He paid close attention to Tomlin’s comedy style: she was freeing the form from punch lines, infusing sketches with psychological depth.

Their first special together, for CBS, had a pointedly feminist slant.

Tomlin mocked housewifery, telling viewers, “You’re watching television when you could be doing something constructive, like putting your spice rack in order alphabetically.”

One sketch, vetoed by the network, had Tomlin playing a prim mother, Mrs. Beasley, calling her son in from the back yard, which was actually a war zone, ablaze with exploding mortar shells.

“Billy!” she yells.

“Where’s your leg? You think legs grow on trees? Come on, leg or no leg, supper’s on the table.”

The special won two Emmys, but a CBS executive, Fred Silverman, called it “too esoteric.”

The work that Michaels did with Tomlin came closer to his comedy ideal than anything he’d done so far.

“She was probably the formative influence on me,” he said.

But he also sensed that Tomlin could never headline a network series.

“Lily was an artist, pure and simple,” he told me, and prime time “was about ‘How do you hold forty million people?’ ”

His attention wandered back to a show that he’d always had in his head: a mixture of film shorts, rock music, and sketches performed by a repertory company of young players.

Sandy Wernick had been putting Michaels together with various middle-aged production execs, but they didn’t get it; Michaels explained to them that people in his generation were the first to have grown up with television, and they were sick of the same old pabulum.

He wanted to recapture this disaffected group by satirizing the way TV saturated people’s thinking and shrink-wrapped the culture.

When Tomlin heard that Michaels was moving on, she felt that she’d been used as a stepping stone.

She never confronted him about it, but she had the feeling, as she put it, of “when protégés float over you.”

In 1974, NBC had a problem to solve.

Johnny Carson had announced that he wanted the network to stop airing reruns of the “Tonight Show” on Saturdays.

So NBC’s new president, Herbert Schlosser, decided to create a program to fill the slot.

He wanted to call it “Saturday Night,” and envisaged it being broadcast live from Rockefeller Center.

Michaels had never considered late night before, and he was surprised, at a breakfast meeting with NBC executives at the Polo Lounge in the Beverly Hills Hotel, that the men didn’t flinch when he said that he wanted to do a show that looked as though a bunch of kids had sneaked into a studio after the adults went home.

When he mentioned that he’d want to have Richard Pryor on the show, however, the mood got tense.

Pryor had just punched an NBC page on the set of a Flip Wilson special, and the network was now entangled in a lawsuit.

Nevertheless, NBC made Michaels an offer.

The sudden green light caught him off guard.

He’d started to feel at home in L.A.; New York in the mid-seventies was in free fall, an intimidating place.

He was also thrown by Schlosser’s mandate that the show be done live.

He was used to polishing for hours in an editing room.

But a live broadcast, he soon realized, offered stealthy opportunities.

You could skip producing a pilot, a process that makes “all your most conservative instincts come out,” he said on a podcast—so “you find yourself doing what you think . . . will get you on the air.”

With no pilot, there’d be no audience-research reports and no notes from executives or advertisers.

“The idea that I could do a show in which the audience would see it at the same time as the network was thrilling,” Michaels said.

“I get that the sounds help you sleep, but I don’t like the way he stares.”

He accepted the job, telling NBC executives that his show would take shape organically over time.

“We will always be experimenting on the air,” he said.

“I know what the ingredients are but not the recipe.”

He asked the network for three months to assemble writers and performers, and then three more months for them to jell as an ensemble.

The show would have gruelling hours, he noted, so he was looking for “people you could drive cross-country with and not kill.”

One of his hiring mantras was that comedy, as a humanizing force, is too important to be left to professionals.

He wanted “enlightened amateurs”—people with little or no TV experience.

He hadn’t considered that many of the talented people in that category had little or no TV experience because they had little or no interest in TV.

Around this time, Michaels went to see “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” in L.A., with his friend Rob Reiner.

While waiting in line, they bumped into Chevy Chase, whom Reiner knew.

Chase got Michaels’s attention the way he often got attention—by doing an elaborate pratfall.

Michaels soon invited him to join his new show’s writing staff.

“I knew instantly that Lorne was a funny guy,” Chase told me.

“He wasn’t an initiator of humor as much as a believer in humor.”

Chase signed on.

Michaels also hired some friends from Canada as cast members—Dan Aykroyd (a master of disappearing inside a role) and Gilda Radner (who created characters of Tomlin-like sweetness).

Through auditions, he hired John Belushi, who astonished the room with a deliriously strange character: a samurai billiard player.

He brandished a wooden closet rod, grunting and rubbing his chin sagely; whenever it looked as though he was going to erupt into violence, he’d swing the pole down and mime a difficult billiards shot.

(Michaels acknowledges that the bit would be considered offensive today. “There’s almost nothing we did in the seventies that I could do now,” he said in 2019, citing a sketch called “News for the Hard of Hearing,” in which an “interpreter,” Garrett Morris, repeats everything the anchor says, but shouting.)

Michaels originally conceived of the program as being similar to a magazine—a collection of distinct voices.

One of the first staff writers, Anne Beatts, liked to note that he began hiring the writing team before the cast, practically unheard of in television.

At the time, Michaels explained, “I became a producer to protect my writing, which was being fucked over by producers.”

He signed up Andy Kaufman after seeing him at a club and being entranced by his arty material.

(“Man, that should’ve been at the Guggenheim,” an associate of Michaels’s had said at the club.)

A subsequent screen test shows Kaufman sitting at a desk and reciting the lyrics to “MacArthur Park,” which are unsurpassed in their rococo inanity.

He intones, “Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don’t think that I can take it. ’Cause it took so long to bake it. And I’ll never have that recipe again. Oh—no.”

Michaels knew that he wanted Kaufman’s radical novelty in the show.

“It was as beautiful a thing as you could witness,” he told the journalist Bill Zehme.

“He wasn’t enmeshed in the show business of it. . . . There seemed to be some other commitment, something very pure and more personal.”

Michaels had hipness covered, but he needed to insure that his show would have “hard laughs”—the ones that remind “you of a happier time in your life.”

He’d seen a standup set by a Catskills-inflected comic named Alan Zweibel, and asked him to submit some material.

Zweibel pulled two all-nighters typing up eleven hundred jokes.

Michaels loved the first one: “The postal service is issuing a new stamp, commemorating prostitution. It’s a ten-cent stamp, but if you want to lick it it’s a quarter.”

The joke had the cadence and payoff of a classic hard laugh, but with an edge.

Zweibel came on board.

Michaels, haunted by the “Laugh-In” assembly-line method, wanted each sketch’s author to be recognizable from its style.

He wanted a Black writer on staff and put out a feeler to the Writers Guild.

A friend there sent over a play by a thirty-eight-year-old Juilliard-trained playwright and actor named Garrett Morris.

Michaels liked what he read and hired Morris.

Michaels and his second wife, the model Susan Forristal (left), dance with Lauren Hutton at a gala event at the Metropolitan Museum, in 1978.Photograph by Ron Galella / Getty

The most astringent voice was Michael O’Donoghue, a literary snob and a high-strung perfectionist who, while at National Lampoon, had written “The Vietnamese Baby Book,” a parody keepsake album noting such milestones as “Baby’s first word (medic).”

O’Donoghue regarded television as a lava lamp with sound, but he joined the writing staff, as did Anne Beatts, who was dating O’Donoghue;

she bluntly told Michaels that she considered the Tomlin specials more feminist than funny.

O’Donoghue broadcast his sensibility by decorating his office with pinups from a porn magazine for amputee fetishists called Stump Love.

Although Michaels had never been a Lampoon partisan (he disliked its “sweat sock” attitude), he intuited that the couple’s savage savoir-faire could be useful, and he promised them artistic freedom.

Michaels also wanted the show to look different.

The typical variety-show set was a cyclorama wall, a seamless stretch of nothingness, decorated with mere “suggestions of sets”: a lone lamppost, a window frame.

Michaels asked for “hard-wall reality”—actual rooms, with doors and furniture, that wouldn’t compete with the comedy.

In June, 1975, a few months before the show was to début, Michaels sent a three-page memo to NBC executives.

He made sure not to overpromise, but he now knew how to talk like a producer.

Of the rotating guest hosts, he said, “The requisite quality I am looking for is spontaneity. Fame and talent would not hurt.”

In addition to sketches by a repertory company, there would be pretaped commercial parodies (“enormously helpful in pacing a live show”).

The memo refrained from spelling out his countercultural comedy code, described by Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad, in “Saturday Night: A Backstage History,” as “knowing drug references, casual profanity, a permissive attitude toward sex, a deep disdain for show-business convention, blistering political satire, and bitter distrust of corporate power.”

He understood what a network wanted to hear.

In hindsight, the memo’s most striking quality is its marginalization of the rep players.

But Michaels was keenly aware of how much talent he’d assembled.

Aykroyd told me, “Lorne saw skills and abilities in people. He’d say, ‘You can pull this off. You can sing this song.’ He could put it all together, and it would coalesce into something with impact.”

“Saturday Night,” Michaels told his staff, would feature sketches, not skits.

Skits are one-joke bits done in grade school or by guys at the Rotary Club.

A sketch is a vignette, with a beginning, a middle, and an end.

His conception of the comedy he liked was similar to his conception of himself—underplayed, with a light touch, never “sweaty” or trying too hard.

Michaels had a professorial management style, and whenever a staffer proposed an idea he’d immediately have a critique.

If a pitch was too elaborate, he might say, “Premise overload.”

To Michaels’s way of thinking, precision in comedy is as unequivocal as a surgeon’s cut.

Miss your mark by a millimetre and the joke dies.

He subscribed to Mark Twain’s observation that the difference between the almost right word and the right word is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.

For this reason, he forbade improvising.

“The way I work, you do all your work beforehand, and you write down the dialogue that you’ve actually chosen,” he told me.

His models were auteurs such as Billy Wilder and Preston Sturges, writer-directors who expected actors to respect their words.

When reviewing scripts, Michaels would tell writers not to overexplain, to allow viewers to make key connections.

He’d quote Wilder:

“Give the audience two plus two and let them make four.”

He scribbled comments on script pages and suggested new pairings of writers.

“Cross-fertilization started,” Michaels said. “That was the thing that I was smartest about.”

The writers played off one another like jazz musicians.

Michaels’s wife, Rosie Shuster, whom he’d known since childhood, joined the writing staff, even though their marriage was fraying.

She described the months of preparation as an incubation period in which “everybody was kind of falling in love and trying to crack each other up.”

“I’m not on the apps. I want to meet someone the old-fashioned way: by being born as an adult in the Garden of Eden, where my future husband is already waiting for me, naked.”

Michaels didn’t anoint a head writer at first, although Chase and O’Donoghue each claimed the title.

Michaels has credited Chase and O’Donoghue with helping to create the show, emphasizing that it was not a “full-blown-from-Zeus sort of thing.”

He had originally pictured the show’s staff as a community without rank.

But everyone was driven to win his approval.

Laraine Newman, a cast member who’d done a Valley Girl character on a Tomlin special, told me, “You learned early on to distinguish Lorne’s real laugh from his fake laugh. The fake laugh would be ‘gasp gasp,’ a kind of inhale. The real laugh would be his face totally crinkled up, his teeth bared, and a kind of a wheeze.”

Michaels’s businesslike calm was a counterbalance to the whirling egos and animosities that drove his employees.

When he held forth about the principles of comedy, some found him mesmerizing, but others merely tolerated it.

Jane Curtin, part of the first cast, characterized him as the type of comedy professional who, instead of laughing, “says, with a completely straight face, ‘Hysterical.’ ”

A fake newscast had always been part of Michaels’s vision, and he initially expected to play the newscaster himself.

As the air date approached, he changed his mind.

It would be awkward to cut other people’s material while leaving himself in.

That, he said, would be “a little too Orson Welles, even for me.”

And it would have required being vulnerable in front of his staff.

Newman said, “You have your hat in your hand when you’re a performer. And that seems to be the thing that Lorne would want the very least in his life.”

Chase was making Michaels laugh the most around the office, so, even though Chase had been hired as a writer, Michaels tapped him to anchor the segment, which he called “Weekend Update.”

On October 11, 1975, “Saturday Night” débuted.

A traditional variety show would have opened with the guest host.

But Michaels wanted viewers to know immediately that his show was, in Monty Python’s words, something completely different.

His show jumped right into the comedy, with no glitzy preamble.

(The first segment is now known as a “cold open.” Michaels told me, “I made that phrase up.”)

The first thing viewers saw was a Dada-ish sketch in a minor key, written by O’Donoghue.

Seated in an armchair, O’Donoghue begins giving an English lesson to John Belushi, whose schlubby bomber hat and sack of groceries peg him as an immigrant.

The professor has the student repeat a series of phrases, starting with “I would like.”

In a thick accent, Belushi repeats, “I would like.”

Then: “To feed your fingertips.”

Belushi: “To feed your fingertips.”

O’Donoghue goes on, “To the wolverines.”

The audience erupts into startled laughter—the show’s first.

Soon, O’Donoghue clutches his heart, gasps, and falls to the floor.

Belushi grunts and tumbles to the floor as well.

After a pause, Chase enters, wearing a stage manager’s headset.

Flashing his tennis-pro smile at the camera, he says, “Live, from New York, it’s ‘Saturday Night’!”

Steve Martin, whose standup career was just ramping up, watched the première on TV and was gobsmacked.

“I felt like I was the avant-garde. I was the one doing the new comedy,” he said.

“I thought, Oh, fuck—they did it. They had gotten there first.”

Michaels’s creation became a national sensation.

It was especially a hit with the coveted youth demographic.

Part of the show’s success lay in its tonal mixture.

Albert Brooks contributed insider-y short films spoofing show-biz mediocrity; one was a reel of promos for fake NBC shows, including “Black Vet,” about an African American man back from Vietnam who opens a veterinary practice.

Michaels balanced such material with warmer pieces—he wanted sketches drawing on staffers’ real lives.

“What Gilda Ate” was a quiet monologue in which Radner listed things she’d eaten that day, in a way that made clear she had a problem.

(“I ate the whole thing!”)

Michaels called moments like this “the show itself speaking,” adding, “That part was the sacred part.”

Eager for more such moments, he lured Marilyn Suzanne Miller, with whom he’d worked on Tomlin’s specials, onto the writing staff.

Miller told me, “Lorne was interested in inner life.”

The men on the show didn’t always welcome the feminine material.

Tomlin hosted an early episode for which she pitched a sketch about a class that teaches female hardhats how to catcall men.

(“Hey, stud muffins, wanna make bouncy-bouncy?”)

None of the guys wanted to play the humiliated beefcake.

Michaels eventually persuaded Aykroyd, who did the role justice in short shorts and a tank top.

But Belushi sometimes said that he wouldn’t do pieces “written by girls.”

The writers, meanwhile, kept casting Garrett Morris as a woman, which annoyed the cast’s actual women, not to mention Morris, who got sick of playing mammies and wearing dresses to impersonate Tina Turner or Pearl Bailey.

Michaels didn’t indulge what Shuster called the show’s “testosterone energy,” but he also didn’t intervene much.

He was like a parent who lets his children sort out squabbles themselves.

Penelope Spheeris, who produced Brooks’s short films, observed, “The cast and writers are the children. And he makes them compete with each other. And out of that competition comes two things—brilliant writing and a dislike for the other person.”

For many staffers, trying to get Michaels’s approval was like squeezing a dry sponge.

“Lorne is repelled by the sight of needy people,” Newman said.

Even if getting what Miller called “female-feeling pieces” on the air was a priority for Michaels, one of his regular put-downs was to call a sketch “too ‘Carol Burnett.’ ”

It was a stylistic observation, not a sexist one.

“‘Carol Burnett’ was Broadway,” he told me.

“We were rock and roll. Their sketches were about alcoholism, divorce, life in the suburbs—middle-aged stuff. I wanted us writing about our stuff.”

“Saturday Night” featured jokes about Belushi’s doctor cutting off his drug supply, and a sketch set in ancient Greece in which Newman played a character named Anorexia.

Michaels’s dream host—Richard Pryor—appeared in the seventh episode and pushed the show to daring new heights.

In one sketch, Chase plays a man interviewing Pryor for a job, and subjects him to a word-association test.

“Dog,” Chase says.

“Tree,” Pryor answers.

Chase ups the ante, forcing Pryor, ultimately, to turn the tables and reverse the power dynamic:

Chase: Negro.

Pryor: Whitey.

Chase: Tar baby.

Pryor: What’d you say?

Chase: Tar baby.

Pryor: Ofay.

Chase: Colored.

Pryor: Redneck.

Chase: Junglebunny.

Pryor: Peckerwood!

Chase: Burrhead.

Pryor: Cracker.

Chase: Spearchucker.

Pryor: White trash.

Chase: Junglebunny.

Pryor: Honky.

Chase: Spade.

Pryor: Honky honky!

Chase: N———!

Pryor: Dead honky!

The sketch concludes with Pryor in a quivering rage and a whimpering Chase offering him the job at an elevated salary, making him “the highest-paid janitor in America.”

By the end of Season 1, the cast was being recognized on the street, but the breakout star was the preppy and handsome Chase.

He began alienating his colleagues, sometimes talking about himself in the third person.

One day, Aykroyd confronted Michaels in a fury:

Chase was giving him notes on a Scottish accent.

Michaels views this moment as the commencement of his becoming “the world expert on people getting famous.”

Hollywood began offering Chase movie deals.

He and Michaels were intensely close, but Michaels decided that he wouldn’t beg him to stay.

One of Michaels’s axioms about celebrity is “People don’t like to collaborate past the point of fame.”

Of Chase’s possible defection, Michaels told his colleagues, “The show would take a hit, but we’d still be O.K.”

He came to see turnover as the natural order of things—another lesson in his producer’s handbook.

“People burn out in relationships,” he said to me, in work as well as in life.

Chase, for his part, found Michaels’s businesslike pose confounding.

Getting him to stay, Chase told me, “wouldn’t have fucking taken much! All he had to do is tell me he loved me, basically. But his nature is to be above it in some fashion.”

He attributed Michaels’s reluctance to insecurity.

“Frankly, I always felt back then that I was smarter than him, that I was really the guy who got the show going, not Lorne.”

When Chase left for Hollywood, Michaels replaced him with Bill Murray, someone who distinctly lacked a golden-boy aura.

Murray, an Irish Catholic, grew up outside Chicago in a big working-class family.

Michaels was starting to see that the show, like the city that was its home, benefitted from being in a permanent state of flux.

Whenever the show’s rhythms were “getting to the point where smugness was about to creep in, I tried to kick it around a little,” Michaels told Rolling Stone.

In addition to hiring Murray, he brought in Steve Martin as a frequent host.

Martin forever changed the show by adding a flavor of comedy that was both goofy and brainy.

He débuted an original song, “King Tut” (“Buried with a donkey! He’s my favorite honky!”), in a live performance that Michaels mounted with lavish production values.

The single sold more than a million copies.

The show’s popularity transformed it.

The cast members found that their small talk, once centered on who was sleeping together, now focussed on the industry.

Newman recalled a rehearsal in which “we were all talking about what we were naming our corporations.”

Hers was Init Productions. Aykroyd’s was Applied Action Research Corp.

Radner stopped, mid-blocking, and said, “What’s happened? We’ve joined the establishment.”

Anne Beatts used to say that you can only be avant-garde for so long before you become garde.

This was certainly true for Michaels.

He started wearing well-cut suits and blazers; he traded his sneakers for Italian loafers.

He eventually bought a large apartment on Central Park West, in the building where his famous friend Paul Simon lived.

Simon and his famous wife, Carrie Fisher, were next door, and they’d wander into each other’s apartments, referring to themselves as the Ricardos and the Mertzes.

“Best of all, this neighborhood is really walkable.”

In 1977, Michaels rented a ten-bedroom mansion in East Hampton.

On Labor Day, he threw a lawn party with O’Donoghue, Chase, and Simon.

The hosts asked guests to wear white.

Michaels wasn’t sure how to think about his own event.

Was he throwing a parody of a party that Jay Gatsby would throw?

Or was it the real thing, the ostentatious yet elegant exhibition of an out-of-towner’s rapid ascent?

At the party, he stood somewhat apart, idly fiddling with a badminton racquet.

Jann Wenner was there, as were Shelley Duvall and Eric Idle.

Guests ate watercress sandwiches and sipped a cocktail invented by O’Donoghue: the Soiled Kimono, two parts champagne and one part Japanese plum wine.

(The White Party became an annual tradition, the guest list growing more splendid each year.)

Everything about “S.N.L.” was now A-list.

Among the cast members, there was a sense that Michaels was entering a different realm.

“He spent a lot of time talking about where he was going to eat,” Curtin told me.

Belushi referred to the boss’s fancy friends as “the dead.”

Once, he treated a reporter to his impersonation of Michaels making some calls:

“Nicholson, can you hold just a second? I have Mike Nichols on the other line. Mike, can you hold for a second? I’ve got Mick Jagger on the other line. Mick, I’ll be with you in a second. . . .”

In 1981, Michaels, having gone through an amicable divorce with Shutter, married Susan Forristal, a successful model, at a house he’d bought near the ocean, in Amagansett.

He has never tried to conceal his appetite for the things that money can buy.

People like to imagine, he said in “Live from New York,” that he’s on his way “into a hot tub with seventy-two virgins or whatever. Fine. I’d much rather my life be perceived as glamorous or stylish than as one of an enormous amount of work that is unceasing.”

The show, which added “Live” to its title in Season 3, began giving audiences more of what they wanted most: repeating characters.

The Coneheads, the Nerds, Mr. Bill—fans laughed at those no matter what. O’Donoghue considered recurring characters pandering, and Michaels occasionally announced that he wanted to banish them, but he never did.

He was willing to risk the annoyance of critics—who, snooty about the show’s popularity, regularly pulled out the lazy headline “Saturday Night Dead.”

But he wouldn’t disappoint the viewers.

A Snickers bar isn’t the very best candy bar, but pretty much everybody likes it.

By the eighties, “S.N.L.” had forged a clear path to Hollywood success—at one point, it was estimated that the top-ten-grossing movie comedies in history all starred alums of the show.

“Animal House,” which starred Belushi, brought hordes of new viewers to the show—a frat-boy contingent that Michaels called “the undeserved audience.”

In an interview with the Times, Jim Downey, one of the show’s longest-serving head writers, compared its early days to “a children’s crusade; people would camp out here and not think about anything but the show.”

Since then, he said, “anyone coming here knows what the formula is: a couple of hit characters, then you get a movie.”

There was more jockeying for position.

Writers refined strategies to get their pieces on the air—making the set ultra-simple could work, and so could writing parts for Newman or Morris, who were both often under-used in the show.

The all-night Tuesday writing sessions set a tone of dysfunction that permeated the week.

A portion of the staff ran on cocaine.

A pot dealer named Merlin roamed the halls.

Michaels ignored such behavior, and he increasingly hid away from the cast, who always seemed to want more—airtime, money, attention.

People took his cutting a sketch as a personal slight, and they sulked.

“I began to be more removed, I think, because the consequences of my actions began to have greater and greater weight,” Michaels said in a documentary about the show’s first five years.

“We were a team, and we had to stay together and fight for each other. At the same time, I had more power.”

One story that Michaels tells on repeat goes like this: “I was on a boat once, and there was a man on the boat. He was from the audience”—that is, a normal human being.

“The man was being funny in the way that Bill Murray is funny, and I thought to myself, I know Bill Murray. You know what I mean?”

When he told this story to Bill Hader, who joined the cast in 2005, Hader nodded yes.

“But I had no idea what he was talking about,” he said.

What Michaels was talking about was that, at a certain point, the show got away from him.

By the fifth season, it had become an institution.

And the millions of viewers had sucked up what he and the show were selling so avidly that the language of “S.N.L.” had rewired their brains.

People inserted “S.N.L.” catchphrases into their wedding vows and used robotic Conehead voices around the water cooler.

The show had become collective cultural property.

After Season 5, Michaels left the show, not entirely by choice.

The breach stemmed from a tortured negotiation with NBC over Michaels’s request for some time to regroup; talks were ultimately derailed by Al Franken’s ridiculing the network president on air.

Five years later, Michaels came back.

Ratings had sunk, and the show had become reliant on pretaped bits.

“It lost what is magic about it,” Michaels said in 1985.

“I think ‘Saturday Night Live’ is about contact with another group of humans coming through this tube.”

In the conformist eighties, Michaels largely abandoned the Andy Kaufman strain of his formula.

When picking the show, he leaned toward harder laughs—crowd-pleasers like Dana Carvey’s Church Lady, a bravura display of performing chops.

“S.N.L.” continued to reliably supply fans with catchphrases such as “We just want to pump YOU up!”

After a rocky return year, in which he hired too many young performers—three had been in John Hughes movies—Michaels focussed on making smooth transitions between casts, older players overlapping with new ones.

He’d learned that it was crucial to notice “when the music changed.”

It was useful when the new performers knew other cast members, helping the ensemble cohere.

Carvey said, “Lorne’s always looking for chemistry—a group that would all fit together, like the Beatles.”

In this less caustic era, one of Michaels’s rules became “Do it in sunshine”—that is, don’t forget that comedy is an entertainment.

Colors should be bright, costumes flattering.

People watch TV, he believes, as if they’re huddled around a fire at night.

You don’t want too much “dark” in comedy: “You can just look out the window for dark.”

Fred Armisen remembers Michaels saying, “There’s enough misery in the world.”

Michaels especially counsels his staff to avoid writing anger in a sketch: “It’s really difficult to make anger funny.”

Idiots, he says, play better than assholes.

He always wants his actors to give even the worst villain a spark of something appealing.

Otherwise, the audience is simply repelled.

“What the English know is that if you’re playing the greatest villain, make him charming,” he says.

Newcomers to the show are often surprised to hear Michaels talking about wanting “sweetness” in sketches—the interior, emotional shadings that Gilda Radner and Marilyn Suzanne Miller specialized in.

With each passing year, Michaels has added to his list of oracular pronouncements.

O’Donoghue, who sneered at the show’s softer turn—he once pushed for live gunfire in the studio—couldn’t stand the speechifying of “Lorne (the Rabbi) Michaels” and what he called Michaels’s “kindergarten comedy theories,” but many staff members loved the boss’s maxims.

“To this day, I think about these proofs Lorne’s passed down,” Chris Rock told me. “It’s like mixing chemicals. Too much of this or too little of that and you’ve got a disaster.”

He ranks Michaels, as a producer, with Quincy Jones: both focus on fundamentals.

“Comedy is no different than music,” he said.

“There’s scales, and there’s keys, and there’s notes to hit.”

Sometimes a sketch lives or dies because of some rhythmic alchemy.

The famous Blue Öyster Cult sketch didn’t get on “S.N.L.” the first week it was rehearsed, with Norm Macdonald as the lead, but when Christopher Walken played the producer, and yelled “More cowbell!” in his very particular cadence, it exploded.

Although Michaels has firm rules about sketch comedy, he is more flexible about the talent-management aspect of his producer role.

Different personalities, he believes, require different approaches.

To some, Michaels will bark, “Don’t fuck it up.”

Hader, who is prone to anxiety attacks, remembers Michaels coming to his dressing room when he hosted and snapping, “Calm the fuck down. Just have fun. Jesus Christ.”

With others, he is warmer.

Molly Shannon treasures the memory of how, when she was nervous just before going onstage, Michaels would “reassure me with his eyes.”

Michaels has changed his laissez-faire attitude toward substance abuse.

The fatal overdose of Belushi led him to rethink his approach to people in his orbit with drug problems.

He once said that, in the seventies, he felt that “as long as people showed up on time, did their job, it was nobody’s business what they did in their bedroom or what they did in their lives. That value system turned out to be wrong.”

Because Michaels oversees a bunch of comedians, his personality tics have been ruthlessly and relentlessly catalogued and mocked in the writers’ room, as a way to release the competitive pressure.

When Conan O’Brien was on staff, he invented a game called “Which Paul?”

The setup is that Michaels is inviting someone to dinner with his friend Paul.

“And you’d want to figure out, is it Paul Simon or Paul McCartney?” O’Brien explained.

Hader does an impression of Michaels name-dropping serial killers as if they were A-listers.

It is staff canon that there is practically no piece of information one can tell Michaels that does not prompt a rapid-fire “No-no-no-no, I know” or a languorous “Right.”

There used to be a writers’-room bit about this compulsion: one version has Michaels strolling on the beach in St. Barts with one of his young children, who points at the rising moon and says, full of wonder, “Look, Daddy!”

Michaels shoots back, “No-no-no-no, I know. We had the moon in the seventies.”

His sarcastic “Right” became part of the most famous caricature of him: Dr. Evil in “Austin Powers,” by the “S.N.L.” alum Mike Myers.

Dr. Evil also raises a pinkie to his mouth when he’s scheming, a reference to the nail-biting Michaels would do when pondering which sketches to cut.

(Myers has often denied that the performance was entirely based on Michaels, but in fact it’s a rare act of caricature theft—a beat-for-beat imitation of an impersonation of Michaels by Dana Carvey, which Carvey performed only while sitting in the makeup chair, in a bald wig, at “S.N.L.”)

The in-jokes about Michaels are funny because they draw on aspects of who he really is: the mogul who maintains a poise that verges on prissiness, the rich man who advises people just starting out on where to vacation.

(Fey does a riff in Michaels’s voice about buying a vacation home on the planet Naboo, from “Star Wars,” and how chic and undiscovered it is.)

The “loose reins” approach that Michaels professes to take with talent can be double-edged.

Summoning his best Michaels voice, Hader conjured Michaels’s damage-control instinct:

“If you start drowning, he’s not, like, ‘Here’s a life jacket.’ He’s, like, ‘Oooh, look at that guy drowning in my pool. That’s disgusting—let’s go over here and hang with Alec Baldwin.’ ”

Baldwin himself, who has hosted seventeen times, sized up Michaels’s management methods as “Darwinian,” saying, “Lorne just stands back and lets them cannibalize each other.”

Michaels knows that his sink-or-swim protocol is tough on new hires.

“The only thing that justifies that level of abuse is the exhilaration of it working,” he has said.

New recruits haven’t always known whether Michaels’s fitful management style is a demonstration of ambivalence or technique.

Jan Hooks, who had a stellar five years on the show, went through a hard time after the death of her mother.

Michaels adored Hooks and considered her a star.

But, when Kevin Nealon asked Michaels to give her a little praise, he responded, “I understand what you’re saying, but you’ll find that it’s never enough.”

He told me, quoting a former therapist, “A baby looks at the mother and thinks, Why do you only have two breasts? Why do you not have three breasts? It’s an insatiable demand, and you see it in performers, and you see it in writers.”

Michaels’s mentoring technique has tormented certain staffers.

When Chris Farley was a new cast member, he went to Bob Odenkirk with tears in his eyes.

Farley said that every time he messed up Michaels told him that he’d hit it out of the park.

And every time he killed Michaels chastised him for not making enough of an effort.

“Chris was mind-fucked,” Odenkirk said.

“Lorne clearly felt that if you kept people off balance they’d try harder.”

Odenkirk found Michaels’s process hard to parse.

“You’d think that you’d say, ‘We’re gonna pick the best sketches, and then we’re gonna shine ’em up as best we can,’ ” he told me.

But, the way the show runs, “the focus is on just getting it to happen and not on the quality level.”

When he worked at “S.N.L.,” he felt that it was straitjacketed by having its arbiter be a man who was a teen-ager in the fifties.

“I thought, Fuck this guy for being in charge,” he said.

“Shouldn’t ‘S.N.L.’ be for each generation?” (Odenkirk now says of this attitude, “I was a dick.”)

The one time writers were certain to hear Michaels’s feedback directly was during dress rehearsal, when they saw him in laser-focus mode under the bleachers.

Even today, during those two hours, he watches what the audience watches, but he sees more—lighting, music cues, wigs, accents, entrances.

“If you were to read a year’s worth of his notes from dress rehearsal, you’d have a master class in TV production that is unparalleled,” the former “S.N.L.” writer A. Whitney Brown told me.

Many writers have sat beside him watching their sketches die, only to have him turn and say, with stony sarcasm, “You must be very proud.”

If the host’s monologue is flat, he’ll moan, “Can we get any charm out of him?”

If a piece is too erudite, he might tell its writer, “Can they take the Emmy away?”

John Mulaney said, “May the cast members go to their graves never knowing the things I heard under the bleachers.”

Chris Rock, who mopped floors before joining “S.N.L.,” in 1990, was impatient with colleagues who moped if their sketches got cut.

“I learned everything I know from that show. You got to shoot your shot that week,” he told me.

“Killing onstage isn’t subjective. When people talk about fair and unfair, I’m, like, ‘Shut up.’ It’s, like, ‘Get bigger laughs.’ ”

The format Michaels created fifty years ago guaranteed the show’s perpetual adolescence.

Anne Beatts used to describe Michaels as “the leader of the Lost Boys.”

In “Peter Pan,” the boys never grow up; at “S.N.L.,” the young performers all get replaced, with Michaels presiding in a role that’s part Wendy, part Captain Hook.

Although he is now eighty, the company he’s kept has prevented him from becoming a dinosaur—or, worse, an unhip dinosaur.

Sticking to his Snickers-bar concept sustained the show, and it has sustained him.

Michaels dotes on his family—he has three grown children with his third wife, Alice Barry—but colleagues have always felt that, really, he is married to the show.

His decades of producing experience have imbued “S.N.L.” with a clockwork stability.

Every week, the sketches are written, the index cards shuffled, the vases of flowers replenished.

New employees are still routinely terrified of him; when the office feels too friendly, whispers circulate that Michaels doesn’t like “the tree-house vibe.”

Will Ferrell thinks that Michaels’s emotional withholding is part of a baseball-derived management style.

“Baseball players keep the highs not too high and the lows not too low,” he said.

“Lorne knows that it’s a long season.”

Michaels is now the age at which men like him become connoisseurs of history.

A reader of biographies, he keeps a mental list of historical figures whose careers remind him of his own.

The roster is not modest.

There’s Thomas Edison. (“He didn’t think he invented anything. He thought he perfected things, and that all the ideas he perfected were already in the air.”)

There’s William Shawn, who was a mentor to Michaels and who ran this magazine for thirty-five years, corralling a gang of talented, needy egos in order to produce a weekly publication.

Then there’s Shakespeare.

The playwright, Michaels likes to note, first had to get his work approved by the Lord Chamberlain and the court—the network bosses of their day.

Then Shakespeare scrambled to get his show on the boards—not unlike a week at “S.N.L.,” hurtling toward Saturday.

Instead of 11:30 p.m., Shakespeare’s deadline was sunset; Michaels talks of him shaving minutes from “Hamlet” to end the play before dark.

Shakespeare also wrote expressly for the actors in his company.

“I know he had a Belushi,” Michaels told me. “That’s why Falstaff appears in three plays.”

Above all, Shakespeare was “the ultimate problem solver.”

Like Michaels, the Bard saw to it that, despite any obstacle, the show would go on.

This is drawn from “Lorne: The Man Who Invented Saturday Night Live.”

Susan Morrison

Morrison has been an editor at the magazine since 1997.

One night in 1976, right around the time I took the SATs, I found myself sitting in the audience in Studio 8H at Rockefeller Center for a broadcast of NBC’s “Saturday Night,” as it was then called.

Elliott Gould was the host, and the episode contained the famous “Star Trek” sketch, in which Gould, playing an NBC exec, walks onto the bridge of the Starship Enterprise and tells a startled Captain Kirk (John Belushi) that “Star Trek” is cancelled, before plucking the pointy prop ears off Spock (Chevy Chase).

I’m sure I missed most of the references in the show, but I distinctly remember the insiderish thrill of sitting in a working television studio, with cue-card guys in the aisles and cameras on cranes whizzing over my head.

It was the show’s first season, and I had no way of knowing then how it would intersect with my grownup life.

I also didn’t know that, somewhere uptown, this magazine’s editor, William Shawn, and the writer Lillian Ross were glued to their TV sets, watching.

They were early boosters of “S.N.L.,” and had taken its creator and producer, Lorne Michaels, under their wing.

Ross began a years-long reporting project, with the intent to profile Michaels for the magazine.

Shawn remained a comedy fan all his life; toward the end, his favorite movie was “This Is Spinal Tap.”

Next month, “S.N.L.” is set to celebrate fifty years of being on the air, the same week that The New Yorker will toast its hundredth anniversary.

It’s not as surprising as it might seem that these two venerable New York institutions would, over the years, occupy so much common ground.

When Michaels was plotting “S.N.L.,” he had The New Yorker in mind as a model, in terms of wanting sketches with distinct voices, whose writers would be recognizable by their styles.

(The reason he became a producer, he has said, “was to protect my writing, which was being fucked over by producers.”)

Shawn became a mentor to Michaels; both had to contend with corralling the swirling egos of needy creative types while meeting a regular weekly deadline.

Michaels developed a persona that is as elusive and mysterious as Shawn’s was; for both it had the effect of heightening people’s fascination with them.

(At one point, Michaels believed that he might even be named as Shawn’s successor.)

I met Lillian Ross in 1984, when I was working as a writers’ assistant on “The New Show,” a comedy hour that Michaels produced during a hiatus he took from “S.N.L.”

She was still at work on the profile, which got derailed when, three years later, Shawn was fired.

The show was short-lived, as was my television career.

I became a magazine editor, but the brilliant writers whom I met on “The New Show”—Jack Handey, Steve Martin, George Meyer, Sarah Paley—would stay in my stable of writers forever.

Another writer in my stable was Lillian Ross.

When I showed up in Lorne Michaels’s office ten years ago and told him of my plan to write a book about him (he never asked for a biography to be inflicted on him), he took a few deep breaths but then generously opened the door.

We had seen each other now and then over the years, often when I was with Lillian, who died in 2017.

For both of us, I think, my project had a feeling of kismet about it—me picking up a thread that she had left dangling.

Crossing the finish line with the book the same week that “S.N.L.” turns fifty and The New Yorker (which its founder, Harold Ross, called the “comic weekly”) turns a hundred was never part of the plan, but it feels just right.

Lorne Michaels Entrusts Harry Ransom Center With Historic SNL Collection

Newspaper advertisement for NBC's Saturday Night, 1975.

Lorne Michaels Collection.

News Release — January 15, 2025

AUSTIN, TX — Lorne Michaels, the creator and executive producer of Saturday Night Live, has donated his archive to the Harry Ransom Center at The University of Texas at Austin.

The Lorne Michaels Collection documents Michaels's career in television from his earliest writing for Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In and The Beautiful Phyllis Diller Show up through and including the nearly 50-year history of Saturday Night Live, the most Emmy Award-nominated show in television history.

The Lorne Michaels Collection provides insight into the creative and production processes behind Saturday Night Live, which, since its debut in 1975, has made a lasting imprint on American culture through its satiric, comedy sketches and memorable performances.

The show has launched the careers of many of the brightest comedic performers of their generation, including Gilda Radner, John Belushi, Eddie Murphy, Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Bill Murray and in so doing left an indelible impact on our cultural landscape.

“Lorne Michaels has kept us up late and laughing for 50 years,” said Ransom Center Director Stephen Enniss, “and I'm confident for years to come his archive will be studied by students and researchers looking for insight into the social, political, and cultural history of our time. We are deeply grateful to him for entrusting this rich legacy to us.”

Founded in 1957, the Harry Ransom Center is internationally recognized as a premier institution for humanities research and learning.

The Lorne Michaels Collection will complement the Ransom Center's existing holdings in literature, film, television, and the performing arts.

When cataloging is complete, researchers, students, and anyone interested in learning more about Michaels' career will have access to a wealth of materials documenting the production and cultural impact of SNL and his other works.

“Live from New York and now home in Austin has a great ring to it,” said UT President Jay Hartzell.

“Lorne Michaels changed entertainment and shaped generations of American culture, and we could not be more grateful and excited that he has selected UT and the Harry Ransom Center as the home to much of his life's work.

Having five decades of Saturday Night Live on our campus creates unique learning and research opportunities for future generations, and especially our students.

It also enhances UT as a destination for the arts, consistent with our vision and goals.

We welcome Lorne and SNL to Texas.”

The Center is preparing a major exhibition, opening in Fall 2025, to offer the public a preview into this remarkable and socially relevant collection. Live From New York!

The Making of Lorne Michaels will highlight key moments from SNL's history and its role in reflecting and shaping societal discourse on politics, culture, and identity.

Within the collection are items such as the behind-the-scenes rehearsal notes for SNL, Coneheads dailies, and annotated Mean Girls scripts, showcasing iconic moments of Michaels's career.

The public will be able to get a closer view of the production process through drafts, correspondence, audiovisual materials, photographs, artifacts, and more.

The exhibition will be on view from September 20, 2025, through March 15, 2026.

The Ransom Center's dedication to preserving and promoting the arts and humanities ensures that the legacy of Saturday Night Live and Michaels's broader career will continue to inform and inspire future generations.

Through meticulous cataloging, conservation, teaching, and public programming, the Center will facilitate a deeper understanding of the significant contributions of Lorne Michaels and his many collaborators.

The collection is expected to be fully available for research in January 2026.

For more information about the Lorne Michaels Collection and the Harry Ransom Center, please visit

hrc.utexas.edu/lorne-michaels-collection.

"Yahoo! will give 'Saturday Night Live' a great opportunity to expand its current digital distribution," said Broadway Video chief Jack Sullivan.

LIVE FROM NEW YORK,

NOW LAYING DOWN ROOTS IN AUSTIN: The Harry Ransom Center has acquired the archives of Saturday Night Live creator Lorne Michaels.

[chariotenergy]

Solar Panel Maintenance

With the rising popularity of solar energy, understanding how to maintain solar panels is becoming increasingly important. This comprehensive guide, updated for 2024, offers clear and actionable steps to keep your solar panels clean and efficient. Whether you're a seasoned solar panel owner or just considering making the switch, this guide will provide valuable information to maximize your solar power experience.

How can I tell if my solar power system is performing well?

Here are some key ways to tell if your solar power system is performing well:

Monitor Production:

Solar Meter: Most solar systems come with a solar meter that tracks the total kilowatt-hours (kWh) your panels generate. This is the most crucial data point. Ideally, you should see the kWh number steadily increasing during daylight hours. If the kWh isn't increasing or the increase is minimal, it might indicate a problem.

App Monitoring: Many solar providers offer apps to monitor your system's performance remotely. These apps can provide detailed data on daily, weekly, monthly, or even yearly production.

Compare to Historical Data and Weather:

Track Trends: Keep track of your solar power generation over time. You can create a spreadsheet or use your monitoring app's historical data function. Normally, your solar panels should produce a certain amount of electricity on sunny days. By checking your system's monitoring data, you can compare how much power it's generating right now to how much it made on sunny days in the past. If you see a big drop in power generation compared to those sunny days, it could mean there's a problem with your panels.

Weather Impact: Solar panels naturally produce less energy on cloudy or rainy days. However, they still generate some power. If you notice a substantial drop in production that doesn't correlate with bad weather, it's a cause for investigation.

Physical Inspection:

Visual Check: Perform a periodic visual inspection of your solar panels. Look for any signs of physical damage, such as cracks, discoloration, or bird droppings that might be blocking sunlight.

Electric Bill:

Lower Bills: Solar panels are great because they can help you lower your electric bill. But if your electric bill hasn't gone down much after using solar panels for a while, there might be something wrong with them. Just remember, how much electricity you use can change throughout the year, so that might affect your bill too.

Pay Attention to System Alerts:

Error Codes: Some solar panel boxes (inverters) have lights or even show error messages. If you see any red blinking lights or confusing messages, check your solar panel manual first. If that doesn't help, call the company that installed your panels for advice.

Don't Hesitate to Consult Your Solar Provider:

Professional Expertise: That's a perfect and clear conclusion! It reminds the reader of the final step if they've gone through the troubleshooting tips and have lingering concerns. They're the experts and can help you figure out what's wrong and fix it.

To see how well your solar panels are working, you can check a few things:

Look at how much power they're making now and compare it to sunny days in the past. See if your electric bill has gone down since you got solar panels (but remember, how much electricity you use can change throughout the year). Give your panels a quick look to see if anything looks broken or dirty. Check the box that converts solar power to your home power (inverter) for any flashing lights or error messages. By keeping an eye on these things, you'll know if your solar panels are working their best.

To learn more information about Solar Provider, visit our website: https://chariotenergy.com/

[percystreak]

Robbed Blind: Betcoin.ag and Playbetr.com Scammed Me Out of $20,000

In March 2022, I created an account on Betcoin.ag and deposited $1,000. For the past year, I have been betting on sports, mainly football and basketball. The betting limits on Betcoin.ag were not very high, so I also opened an account on Playbetr.com, a sister website, on December 31, 2022, which offered higher limits. My first deposit on Playbetr was $4,000, and I later deposited another $1,000-$2,000. Similarly, I deposited another $1,000 on Betcoin.ag, totaling around $7,000-$8,000 in BTC across both sites. Initially, I had no issues and was mainly betting on NBA games on Playbetr. Despite losing initially, I eventually won some bets on both sites.

However, when I attempted to withdraw my winnings—0.65 BTC from Playbetr and 0.21 BTC from Betcoin—both sites requested KYC verification. I provided full KYC, including my driving license, selfies, and address proof. My accounts were fully verified, but the next day, I was unable to log in to either site. Even when I could log in, I had no access to any account features. Both sites emailed me, accusing me of fraudulent actions and claiming the right to terminate my account and suspend payouts. They even offered to return my deposits, which I found laughable.

I have seen this happen to more people. They closed my accounts without explanation or evidence and ignored me for weeks. Despite emailing them since January 3, 2023, I have received no replies. Live chat support directed me to email for more information, offering no help. Playbetr, in particular, claims to be transparent and fair in public forums, but my experience tells a different story.

I want to understand why I have been scammed out of 0.85 BTC, almost $20,000. The accusations against me include syndicate play, match-fixing, late betting, unfaithful strategies, arbitrage, fraudulent actions, chargebacks, cheating, incorrect registration information, bankruptcy, money laundering, and using devices or software to place bets. They have not explained how I committed any of these actions. I am certain I did not. I only bet on NBA games, one of the biggest markets in the world, where cheating is virtually impossible due to the large limits.

I refuse to let this be ignored. I am willing to take legal action and pay any amount to resolve this. It's laughable they offered to return my deposits but ignored me when I mentioned it. I have seen other users contact Curacao courts and lawyers, and I am prepared to do the same. I will not let these scumbags get away with scamming innocent players.

Here are some links proving my claims:

Proof of my withdrawal requests: Gyazo Link, Gyazo Link

Screenshots of bets I won on Playbetr (FAIR, NORMAL NBA BETS): Gyazo Link, Gyazo Link

Video of me trying to access my Playbetr account after receiving the emails: YouTube Link

Video of me showing a conversation with a friend, proving I did not use Playbetr until before December 30, 2022: YouTube Link

Long story short:

Total amount 0.85 BTC (deposits + profits)

Accounts were blocked on January 3, 2023, after requesting withdrawals (over a month ago)

I did not break any rules

No reply on live chat or email (getting ignored)

No explanation or evidence to back up the accusations

[paulatugah]

Robbed Blind: Betcoin.ag and Playbetr.com Scammed Me Out of $20,000

In March 2022, I created an account on Betcoin.ag and deposited $1,000. For the past year, I have been betting on sports, mainly football and basketball. The betting limits on Betcoin.ag were not very high, so I also opened an account on Playbetr.com, a sister website, on December 31, 2022, which offered higher limits. My first deposit on Playbetr was $4,000, and I later deposited another $1,000-$2,000. Similarly, I deposited another $1,000 on Betcoin.ag, totaling around $7,000-$8,000 in BTC across both sites. Initially, I had no issues and was mainly betting on NBA games on Playbetr. Despite losing initially, I eventually won some bets on both sites.

However, when I attempted to withdraw my winnings—0.65 BTC from Playbetr and 0.21 BTC from Betcoin—both sites requested KYC verification. I provided full KYC, including my driving license, selfies, and address proof. My accounts were fully verified, but the next day, I was unable to log in to either site. Even when I could log in, I had no access to any account features. Both sites emailed me, accusing me of fraudulent actions and claiming the right to terminate my account and suspend payouts. They even offered to return my deposits, which I found laughable.

I have seen this happen to more people. They closed my accounts without explanation or evidence and ignored me for weeks. Despite emailing them since January 3, 2023, I have received no replies. Live chat support directed me to email for more information, offering no help. Playbetr, in particular, claims to be transparent and fair in public forums, but my experience tells a different story.

I want to understand why I have been scammed out of 0.85 BTC, almost $20,000. The accusations against me include syndicate play, match-fixing, late betting, unfaithful strategies, arbitrage, fraudulent actions, chargebacks, cheating, incorrect registration information, bankruptcy, money laundering, and using devices or software to place bets. They have not explained how I committed any of these actions. I am certain I did not. I only bet on NBA games, one of the biggest markets in the world, where cheating is virtually impossible due to the large limits.

I refuse to let this be ignored. I am willing to take legal action and pay any amount to resolve this. It's laughable they offered to return my deposits but ignored me when I mentioned it. I have seen other users contact Curacao courts and lawyers, and I am prepared to do the same. I will not let these scumbags get away with scamming innocent players.

Here are some links proving my claims:

Proof of my withdrawal requests: Gyazo Link, Gyazo Link

Screenshots of bets I won on Playbetr (FAIR, NORMAL NBA BETS): Gyazo Link, Gyazo Link

Video of me trying to access my Playbetr account after receiving the emails: YouTube Link

Video of me showing a conversation with a friend, proving I did not use Playbetr until before December 30, 2022: YouTube Link

Long story short:

Total amount 0.85 BTC (deposits + profits)

Accounts were blocked on January 3, 2023, after requesting withdrawals (over a month ago)

I did not break any rules

No reply on live chat or email (getting ignored)

No explanation or evidence to back up the accusations