#and of course it is a big problem when it is triggering someone else and u cant turn it off bc thats how ingrained it is in you

[klemen-tine]

Glass Bones and Paper Skin

Platonic! Bruce x Model! GN! Reader

More Platonic Bruce x Reader than Batfam, but they are mentioned and will have a bigger role in the future.

Trigger Warnings: Hint at suicide, Body Issues, Eating problems (not a disorder), Child Neglect

Just a reminder for everyone, your bodies are perfect and beautiful! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Part 2

Part 3

Blinding lights and hundreds of eyes are enough to thwart people from the runway. It makes people stumble, trip, or even run from it. Their mind focuses on if they mess up, the world will see. Their managers, agencies, everyone will forever refer to it when they ask them to walk for them again. 

They focus on their walk, the way the clothing either hugs or drapes off their bodies, how the shoes don’t fit, the way their hair is styled, and how the makeup can burn. They try not to focus on how their stomachs ache, how the heels cut into the thin skin on their feet, and that everyone in this room that is dressed and prepped, are equally or more or less beautiful than them. 

Y/N L/N seemed to be the topic of conversation at all of these events. A newer runway model who has been eating it up. From their first runway debut to this one, they have always left people in awe and dropping to their knees for more. It is hard to believe that they are only 18. Y/N has been a photoshoot model since 15, but on their birthday when they turned 18, they finally agreed to their agency’s desire to make them take on the runway. 

It was the best choice for their career. Y/N’s manager was the daughter of their mother’s manager, back when she was alive and used to do modeling. Her manager threw her own daughter at Y/N, and stated that they were the best people to work with because they know Y/N. Whether Y/N was cursed or not –they have yet to figure that out– has nearly the same exact features as their mother and the same ‘air.’ One that demanded everyone to pay attention to them, and is a natural for posing and had a natural strut. 

They’ve been right, and Y/N doesn’t know if it is because of them that they all made it this far. They knew what looked best on Y/N and what wouldn’t work. They knew which designers would adore them and which designers wouldn’t fit. 

Those who know Y/N though understand that the ‘air’ was only on the runways and photoshoots. Y/N is actually a very demure person, while not a wallflower, they were someone who could blend in the crowd. 

Alfred once told them that every country should be grateful to not have Y/N working against them, because Y/N can just disappear. 

“Y/N, are you ready?” They smiled at their fellow models, slipping into the person of Y/N L/N, child of M/N L/N and Bruce Wayne, and nodding, “Of course. When am I not?” 

Cheryl whistled, a fellow model that has been Y/N’s mentor in some way, walking around Y/N and smiling, “Designers sure know how to dress you up. I think almost every runway walk has had your hips on display” Y/N chuckled at her, “It’s because of these hips dips. You can probably drink soup out of them.” 

“If it was ice cream I’d be down, but not soup.” Jon was another model who has been in the scene for a long time. He was a handsome man with a diamond face. 

“Models get ready.” A shuffling of feet and high heels clip clopping sounded in the backstage, and Y/N took their place in front of everyone. They will be the one opening the show today, an honor that the 18-year-old took gratefully. 

Opening a show was a big deal, setting the tone for the show in general and also the tempo. Y/N took a deep breath, and at the cue, their mind went blank as they began walking. Their eyes focused on the end camera, and the walk on beat to the music. Once at the end, they looked directly into the camera and struck a pose. Highlighting the slit hips and underboob design, showing off the almost sheer fabric that had the slightest hint of shimmer in them. A statement piece. 

Turning around they walked back to where they emerged from, making sure they kept their face in control for the last camera. However, a sight at the corner of their eye momentarily broke them out of their blank space. Five familiar people that should not be here. Sitting in the front row, wearing nice tuxedos, and almost making Y/N stumble. 

Almost. Controlling their features, Y/N returned their focus to the camera and disappeared in the entrance they emerged from. Smiling at all the 'congratulations’ ‘you looked great,’ ‘you look beautiful,’ they went back to their manager, Maya, and whispered, “I need you to confirm five people in the front row on the left side. They are four chairs down from the camera.”

Maya nodded, scurrying away and without a doubt checking it out. Y/N could feel the curiosity and dread build in their stomach. If they are who Y/N thinks they are, then the after party is going to be interesting. 

“What’s wrong?” Jon wrapped an arm around Y/N’s shoulder, bringing Y/N out their thoughts, “Nothing really. Just thought I saw some familiar faces.” Jon made a weird face, but dropped the issue when another model, Logan, strolled on over. 

“Did you see them?” 

“See who?” 

“The Wayne family! They are in the front row!” Y/N closed their eyes in misery and a headache began forming. They saw Maya running back, her face pale and a large frown on her face. Jon glanced at Y/N, taking in the annoyed expression and scrunched nose, “Hmm, no I didn’t. I was too focused on looking at the camera, Logan.” She rolled her eyes, “Oh, it was only a second.”

Jon and Y/N gave each other a dry look, remembering the last time Logan had said that and somehow the camera managed to snap a photo when she was oggling at someone. Y/N shook their head, “I momentarily saw them, but I didn’t think it was them. Do you think I can get the oldest son’s number?” 

‘You’re not his type.’  Y/N thought but didn’t say, shrugging and smiling in amusement, “Logan, what would your girlfriend say?” The model stuck her tongue, “She’d ask to join.” Before Logan could say anything else, Cheryl waltzed over, “Stop being inappropriate, there’s a kid present.” 

“Hey!” 

“Sorry, if you can’t drink yet you can’t have this conversation.” Y/N made a face, “That’s the stupidest sense of logic I have ever heard.” Everyone laughed at them, clapping Y/N’s shoulders and helping each other fix their wardrobes. Some stylists came over to fix their makeup and hair just in case. Everyone was getting ready for the last walkthrough, and honestly, Y/N was dreading it. 

As the front runner of it all, Y/N’s face will be seen by the now confirmed Wayne family and Y/N isn’t confident in themselves enough to not make a face. 

The show will be closing soon and then there is the afterparty that all models are expected to attend. It's a networking place, where other designers, brand ambassadors, and just people who are rich enough to get a ticket can talk to the models and try and recruit them. Its a place and time to mingle for those who have an open schedule and unfortunately, Y/N has an open fucking schedule. 

This was their last show in Paris, and then they have one destination and then it will be done. Runway season will be officially over and then it will be smaller gigs and back to the every now and then runway. 

“Models get ready!” Y/N took a deep breath and fixed their face, eyes forward and chin up. 

‘I’ll call Alfred when I get home.’ 

+++

‘I want to go home.’ Y/N nursed the drink in the flute, filled with sparkling cider instead of champagne. They stood off to the side, changed out of the clothes they wore on the runway, and instead in a deep-v top and leather pants. Still dressed to impress, but at the moment they just wanted to curl up and go away. Y/N’s hotel room has a bathtub in it and Y/N really wants to just sit down in hot water and relax. 

Y/N was constantly scanning the crowd, moving further against the wall whenever they saw black hair and blue eyes. 

Maya said one more hour, then it will be acceptable to leave. She was doing all  the talking and networking for Y/N, trusting that when it came to meet the designers Y/N will charm them enough to want to have them keep coming back. Sighing once more, Y/N took a longer sip and wished to be home. 

Something moved the hair near their ear, and Y/N almost threw their glass at whoever it was until they caught sight of blue eyes and black hair, staring at and analyzing them. 

“Tim…” 

“Hello, Y/N.” Y/N gave a practiced and polite smile, “Odd to see you here.” Tim shrugged, “Seeing that the designer is friends with Bruce, and told us of your show and that you will be leading the walk, of course we had to come.” Y/N nodded, “In Paris?” 

“Where else? You’re next one is in New York right?” Y/N gave a polite chuckle, “Since when did you pay attention to fashion week?” Tim took a sip of champagne, “Since my younger sibling decided to run off and become a model.” 

Y/N took a sip of the sparkling cider, not missing the way Tim was eyeing them with interest and curiosity. They smiled against the rim of the flute, “ ‘Run off’ huh. I don’t think those are the words I would use. I never hid it and I didn’t pack my bags in the middle of the night and sneak through a window.” Y/N set the empty flute down, still smiling politely at Tim who was still watching them, “I simply walked out the front door and no one stopped me.” 

“Y/N–” 

“Y/N! There you are!” A tall woman, hair dyed a shade-off from white gray and wearing the crispest red suit, strolled over. Y/N gave a larger smile, opening their arms and welcoming the hug, “Ms. Gabbana, you look lovely as always.” The woman laughed, “That’s the botox. Anyways, you looked so amazing opening the show!” 

Tim was quickly forgotten as Francesca Gabbana, an Italian high-end fashion designer and luxury brand owner, chatted away with Y/N. Her presence called forth other designers and models and soon enough, Y/N was entrapped in a small group talking about the next runway show next week. 

They talked about the dreaded flight to New York, and where they will be staying. It will be Francesca’s show next week, along with some other high end designers. Francesca seemed particularly excited for Y/N’s, and when Y/N first saw the design, they had to hold back the shivers.

“Right, Y/N you’re from Gotham aren’t you? Will you be visiting your family?” With the attention all on Y/N, they smiled tightly and shrugged, “We’ll see. They are always so busy so I think it's best if I don-” 

“I hope Y/N visits, it’s been a while since we last saw each other.” A large hand clapped Y/N’s shoulder, and from the facial expression everyone was making, Y/N knows who it was. Peeking up through their lashes, Y/N could see Bruce’s smile on his still handsome face. 

Cheryl was the first to recover, her eyes narrowing slightly, “How… how do you know each other?” Y/N glanced at Bruce, who right now is Brucie, and before he could say anything Bruce gasped, “Y/N, you haven’t said anything?” The young adult shrugged, “It never came up. Bruce Wayne is my father.”

The room erupted, and Y/N actually wanted to go die in a hole. What proceeded afterwards was the most intense questioning for the next two hours. 

++++

“Bruce, why are you here?” Y/N asked over dinner. He tossed the crouton around in his salad, waiting for his father’s response. They have never had a 1 on 1 meal together. It was alway family meals, and even then Y/N rarely showed up for those. There was no need too. They never noticed when Y/N was there or not. 

The Billionaire playboy shrugged, “Is it wrong to see my child open a highly sought after show?” Y/N chuckled, “No, but you have never shown any interest in this before.” Y/N never hid his modeling gigs. Often using the family weight room to keep in shape and also turned one of the unused offices into a strut practice room when Y/N lived in the manor. Hours and the amount of money spent to ensure their skin was perfect and their hair was nice, and that they looked beautiful. 

Y/N never hid their modeling job, even as a teen, and yet the only one who seemed to notice was Alfred. 

“You never said anything.” 

“I didn’t think I had too.” Y/N can recall trying to show Bruce, Dick, Jason, anyone that would bother to look, a photo of them making it onto Vogue. Not the cover, not yet, but as a newer model within the prestigious magazine. They made it at 16. 16, and only modeling for a year! Francessca had them in a piece that was first page worthy, and it fit Y/N like it was meant for them. 

Alfred was the only person to look at the magazine Y/N held open with their trembling hands, and ruffle their hair and congratulate them. 

“You didn’t even tell Alfred where you are living.” No, because Y/N doesn’t want Alfred showing up unexpectedly and seeing the almost empty fridge. The thought of the older man’s disappointed look and inquisitive questions would have Y/N breaking down crying. 

“Hmmm, I’m always moving around so I didn’t want him showing up when I am not there.” Bruce nodded, taking a bite of his lobster, and watching Y/N take a small bite of the salad. Y/N swallowed with great difficulty, “Bruce-” 

“Since when does a child call their parents by their first name?” Y/N sucked their teeth, “The only one who calls you ‘father’ is Damian.” 

“You used to.” Y/N shrugged, “You never seemed comfortable with me calling you that.” Bruce rarely answered when Y/N called him ‘dad’ or ‘father,’ and yet he alway responded when someone else called for him.  Y/N would watch from afar as Bruce came running to them in need, but when Y/N needed help they had to figure it out on their own. 

At some point Y/N stopped calling for Bruce entirely, running and calling only to Alfred.

Y/N is not mad about it. They never were. Dull E/C eyes accepted it and pushed forward, watching the explosive fights, the angry words, and the silent apologies. Alfred’s words affirming that they all loved each other, despite everything saying otherwise. Y/N watched, and continued to watch as they focused on themselves when Y/N began making a name for themself. 

They’re not mad. Y/N never was. Hurt? Maybe, but not mad. That is just their hand in life. Besides, it made the modeling career easier. No need to worry about missing any events, Y/N wouldn’t be invited even if they had lived there. Holidays weren’t huge, nor were birthdays. The only one Y/N sent a card to was Alfred. 

It made traveling easier. There was no such thing as homesickness. It made taking more gigs easier, more destructive behavior easier to handle. 

“Y/N,” Bruce called to him and Y/N paused while eating. Raising an eyebrow in question as Bruce set down his own eating utensils. Ocean blue met E/C, and Y/N tried to place the emotion in those blue eyes. 

“For what it is worth, I… I am sorry about the neglect you have faced within our home.” Y/N’s mind stopped functioning and they stared at Bruce in shock. The man either ignoring him or not realizing that Y/N was staring at him continued. 

“You… you didn’t deserve that, especially when you were grieving and that fact that I could not see that shows my fail–” 

“Wait wait wait!” Y/N held their hands up, cutting off Bruce, “What are you talking about?” Bruce stared at Y/N with questions in his eyes, and blinked in shock when he saw the genuine confusion in his child’s eyes. Y/N looked floored, “Bruce… I-I… what?”

Bruce knows he’s not a good parent. He is intimately aware of his failings and shortcomings, and how some of them haunt him. They claw into his skin, his mind, and chest as a reminder of all the times he has failed his children. He and Dick barely started talking, Jason and him are slowly mending that bridge, and Tim and Damian seem to hate each other and Bruce doesn’t know what to do about that. It seems the only children he hasn’t officially fucked over are those that aren’t even his. 

Then there’s Y/N. A child of his genetic makeup, just like Damian, only Y/N’s mother was a model Bruce had treated as a hookup whenever she was on the east coast. Y/N was 13 when they came into Bruce’s care, older than Damian and a few years younger than Tim. Their mother was caught in a drug-use scandal, one that cost her her career and then her life. Her choice left behind a traumatized child, walking in on the body as she decomposed in their bathroom. They had been forced to pack up their bags and move across the country to live with a parent that they only heard about once or twice. 

Bruce somewhat knew of Y/N. He knew that Y/N’s mother had been pregnant, but when he asked if she wanted child support, the woman huffed and said ‘no thank you.’ Her income was enough, as a high in demand supermodel, and she didn’t need Bruce’s ‘pity’ money. 

So, he never sought after her and she never phoned him. 

Until CPS called and told him of the news and the now homeless 13-year-old child he was now in charge of. 

Y/N and him never really connected, and Bruce wonders if some of that is his own fault. He was always too busy with Batman, then his drama with Dick, and Jason’s whole dying thing, the persona of Brucie Wayne, then there was Tim, then Jason coming back from the dead thing, then Barbara’s whole Joker incident, then Damian…. 

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t too busy, he just never made time for Y/N. Which, the other never seemed to complain about. If they did complain to Alfred, the butler never said anything, and neither did their brothers. Y/N was just a ghost living in the manor that showed up for meals because it was expected, and then… left. 

Now he sits here, across from his child who doesn’t seem to understand the wrong done to them by not only Bruce, but the rest of the family. 

“Where did this come from?” Bruce doesn’t have the heart to tell them that it was because of Alfred that Bruce and the family finally realized what was wrong. The tour of Y/N’s old room, still kept clean due to Alfred’s insistence, but instead of clothes on the ground and signs of life within the room, it had photos of Y/N's past modeling gigs. Hundreds of photos, some framed, some not, as they covered the walls. Magazines that had Y/N on the front cover, magazine pages that had Y/N taking up the entire page.

The tour of the room-turned-practice room. Full of mirrors, and a 4 inch wide ply board used to practice walking. The shoes that were hidden in the closet, some too big and some too small. Blood staining the heel area of most of them as the image of Y/N practicing until and through the blisters filled all their heads. 

The meal regime, still written hastily down on the post it notes, and the exercise routine that didn’t match the calorie intake. The broken mirrors in Y/N’s closets and the clothes that now looked like they would be too big on the present-day Y/N that is sitting in front of Bruce.

The written blogs, printed and folded in one of their drawers, relating them back to their mother. Accusing them of the same thing they accused M/N. Highlighting Y/N’s faults, Y/N’s mistakes, Y/N’s features, and Y/N’s heritage. 

‘Child of drug-abuser model M/N L/N, Y/N L/N using the same drug?’ A 15-year-old Y/N posed in a way to show their figure was the picture that was used. 

‘Child of famous model M/N L/N able to hold up to the heat?’ Another photo of a 16-year-old Y/N looking exhausted as they walked out of a building. Eyes red and bags under their eyes. 

‘Beauty genes skipped a generation.’ Y/N is 17 in that photo. 

‘Y/N M/N will never be as beautiful as M/N L/N without extensive work.’  Y/N is 15 again in this photo. They had kept every critique, every mean and poorly written article about them, and kept them. Some of them were tweets, printed instagram photos, and magazines. 

Bruce could see the drastic changes in Y/N throughout the photos. The strict lifestyle changes affected their appearance and made them look even more like M/N. The Y/N in front of him, still beautiful, but Bruce knows the thoughts behind the perfect skin and perfect hair. 

It would seem that one of the things Y/N inherited from Bruce would be the internalizing of every little bad thing to happen, and deny that it has affected them while they wore the scar of it on their sleeves. 

“Bruce, you didn’t neglect me. I had food, clothes, a manor… where did you get all of that from?” 

“Emotional neglect is still neglect.” Y/N still looked confused, setting their fork down and controlling their expression as they processed that. Okay, so yeah maybe Bruce wasn’t an attentive father, but the man never hit Y/N. He never said anything about Y/N that Y/N would have to go to therapy for. Besides, Bruce’s lack of attention paved the way for Y/N to do this! 

Y/N’s lips formed a serene smile, “Bruce, I’m not mad that you didn’t pay attention to me. You were busy with your company, you are legally a dad of five kids, not everyone is going to get the same attention.” They took a sip of the water, hoping the conversation would end there. 

“It wasn’t that I was busy, I just never made time Y/N… and for that I am sorry.” Y/N hates this. Absolutely hates this. All of their excuses for Bruce are being shot down by Bruce himself and it was leaving Y/N feeling a little raw. Wounds they didn’t even know about now being rubbed with salt. 

Y/N stuck their tongue in their cheek and looked around, before smiling once more, “Bruce, I am literally giving you a way out for your guilt, which I still don’t understand why you’re feeling guilty, so why aren’t you taking it? 

“What are you hoping to do?” Bruce stared into E/C eyes and he could see the irritation in them. He set his fork and knife down, and leaned forward, “Is it wrong to try and mend broken bridges?” 

“The bridge was never broken in the first place.” 

“You’re right, and that’s because there was never a bridge in the first place.” Y/N cocked their head to the side, watching with an intense expression. Those E/C eyes flickering around, taking in the restaurant and narrowing their eyes, “I’ve been meaning to ask you, but did you rent out the entire restaurant?” 

“I did. So we can talk freely.” 

“The other ‘customers’ are Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian.” Bruce nodded, “Family dinner.” Y/N’s smile held no amusement, “You know, if you were anybody else I would be thinking this is a way for you to slide back in my life in hopes you could get some of my paycheck. But what is a model’s paycheck to Bruce Wayne’s?” Bruce chuckled, “You are making quite a bit. I’m happy you're conscious of your position now.” 

Y/N sipped the water, “How do you know how much I’m making?” Bruce only smiled and continued eating. He watched his child contemplate asking the question again, but then decided to drop it. 

‘Smart.’ Y/N continued to watch him, no longer touching the food and seeming unwilling to even look at the dessert menu. 

“You’ll visit when you’re back in the states, right?” It didn’t feel like a question. In fact, it felt more like a demand poised as a question to keep intentions hidden. Y/N gulped, “I’ll try.” 

“You should, Alfred misses you. Besides, Manhattan, New York isn’t too far from Gotham.” It was such an innocent sentence. One spoken with a smile on his lips and kind sky blue eyes. An innocent sentence, except Y/N has never once told them where they live. 

“A beautiful place, I can see why you wouldn’t want to leave. With windows like those and that giant skylight, it is truly a wonderful place befitting a top model such as yourself.” Y/N’s mouth went dry, and they could feel the sweat on the back of their neck as they continued to stare at Bruce. Their instincts implore them to go along with this. 

Urging them to carry on the conversation as they felt the gazes of four others on their back. They gave a wobbly smile, “Ye-yes. I really love it, I am super lucky that I managed to have enough saved up, and that I make enough to own a beautiful home such as that.” Bruce nodded, “As an apology for all the missed birthdays and Christmases, I decided to help out a bit.”

“...Excuse me?” Bruce ignored them, and instead looked at their plate that was still untouched from when Y/N had put down the utensils. He took a bite, “Do you not like your food? I can get something else made for you.” 

“N-no, I’m-I’m just full.” Bruce’s eyes narrowed before making a show of shrugging it off, “If you insist. Do know Alfred will want to feed you when you visit.” Y/N’s smile was becoming hard to maintain, “It was a pleasure to have dinner with you, Bruce, but I have to go. Long flight tomorrow and I need to be ready for next week.” Y/N fished out their credit card, but Bruce stuck his hand out, “Don’t worry about it, dinner has been paid for.” 

Y/N didn’t fight, only nodding and smiling pleasantly, “I suppose I will see you next week?” Bruce stood up, and brought Y/N into a tense hug. Feeling the bone and sinewy muscles in his rough hands. Y/N’s top is open back, exposing the shoulder blades and some of Y/N’s spine. Each one a small knob against skin, looking like the Rocky Mountains. 

“Safe flight, Y/N. See you at the shows next week.” Y/N gave a tight smile and quickly left. The four other pairs of eyes never left their back, and when finally in the safety of the streets, Y/N pulled out their phone and checked their Mortgage app. 

‘Successfully Paid!’ In bright green letters, bolded as if it were a game. 

It’s been paid off. Y/N now owed nothing on that house, and while that might have been freeing, it meant someone could now have access to their mortgage account. An alert sounded on their phone, and when Y/N saw that it was their bank account, notifying them of a deposit Y/N felt the breath leave their lungs. 

A large sum, one that had Y/N blinking at the amount of 0’s, was just deposited to their checking account. Right under their bill for walking on that runway. 

‘Shopping money, for when you visit.’ - Dick 

They have access to their bank account. Y/N’s family, because while Bruce was a solitary kind of guy he never was one to withhold information from his former Robins, now had access to their account. They could see what they were spending money on. 

They know where Y/N lives. From the sounds of it, Bruce was even in the penthouse. Y/N covered their mouth and tried to stifle a sob, the feeling of an invasion of their privacy weighing heavy in their chest. 

++++

Y/N stared at the article of clothing with anxiety. When Francesca had first shown them the clothing, it had only caused slight discomfort. Now, now that Y/N knows that their family is here, and watching, the clothing had felt like it was a metal ball. Francesca stood next to them, admiring Y/N’s hair and makeup, and how it all looked with clothing item. 

“I knew this would look great on you. As a Gothamite, this must feel great right? To be wearing the symbol of your City’s greatest vigilante.” Y/N swallowed down the bile, “He’s typically seen as the boogeyman, but yes. I suppose it does feel odd wearing the symbol.” 

The piece of clothing was quite scandalous, a bat symbol made out of gold rest across their chest, attached to a black silk fabric and lace. It hugged their body, bringing out the hip dips and long legs, as well as exposing their toned stomach. 

“Why didn’t you say anything about you being Bruce Wayne’s kid?” Francesca asked, and Y/N could only shrug, “Just… it just never came up.” Y/N loves that Francesca drops that. There are tons of models who have family issues. Y/N’s are minor. 

Not worthy of anything. 

“Y/N, for what it is worth, I do think you are a one in a century model. No one has taken to the runway quite like you have. I think if you had started the runway earlier you would already be a supermodel.” Y/N smiled at Francesca’s kind words, and they wondered just how they got so lucky to have befriended her. 

“Thank you.” 

“Models get ready!” Y/N took to the back of the line, being offered to close the show just after they had opened one. Another prestigious offer that Y/N gratefully took. Sighing heavily, they watched as the line grew shorter and the sound of cameras flashing and grew louder. 

Taking a deep breath, they steeled their breathing and controlled their expressions. Blocking out the world in the way they do best, strutting. The intensity of the flashes increased, and Y/N made a show of keeping their face neutral. 

Just how Batman does. 

They made a point to not look at the people in the front row. When they made it back behind the entry way, there was no time to catch their breath. They were ushered back into line for the final walk out, and Y/N wonders if they can all see how pale Y/N is. Can they see the sweat on their brow or the fact that their E/C eyes are terrified? 

“You did great Y/N!” 

“Looking beautiful Y/N.” 

“C’mon Y/N, after this its a party!” 

No, no they can’t see it because they are all focused on what Y/N wants them to be focused on. Y/N has spent countless hours into ensuring they loook beautiful without makeup, and ethereal in it, no one will care about their inner thoughts and turmoils. 

Y/N strutted to the music one last time, focusing on the flashing light and hoping that the photos they captured showed exactly what Y/N wants them to see. Once they were in the back, the models stripping and changing into comfortable clothes and all of them getting ready for the afterparty, Y/N stayed seated. The pads of their fingers running against the cold metal that was in the shape of a bat across their chest as their makeup artist and hairstylist undid all of their work. 

Francesca smiled, “You were great Y/N, I knew you would be the right person to pull this off.” 

“Thank you, what inspired this piece if you don’t mind me asking.” Francesca smiled, “Oh, I got a call actually. It was just a call to run the idea by me, but I loved it so much that I accepted it.” Y/N furrowed their brow, “A call?” They began to strip out of the clothing, but Francesca’s startled look made them pause. 

“...What?” 

“You’re not going to keep it on?” Y/N gave a confused look, “We don’t keep clothes, Francesca.” The stylist smiled, “Well, no. But Y/N, that was a commission for you.” Y/N stared at Francesca with a new found fear, and their mouth going dry as they processed it all. 

“Who… who did you say the call was from?” Francesca beamed, “Your father, who by the way I am offended you didn’t say anything about, Bruce Wayne.” Large hands clapped their shoulder, and Y/N would have shouted if it weren’t for the familiar smell of cologne. 

Turning around, they met Bruce’s blue eyes, and the blue eyes of their siblings. All of them dressed to the nines and eyeing the clothes. 

“Truly a wonderful piece, Ms. Gabbana. I could not thank you enough.” 

“Of course! Thank you for the idea!” Y/N felt their breath quicked when Dick’s hands gripped their wrist, and gently tugged them in his direction, “C’mon Y/N, you’ll be late to dinner. Alfred is making your favorite.” 

“At least let them change, Dick.” 

“Todd is right, a drive in that would be difficult. Not to mention that  it is snowing outside.” 

“Y/N, we have some clothes for you. They should be more comfortable then the clothes you came in.” Y/N couldn’t even say anything as they were dragged away, Bruce keeping Francesca busy while their brothers pushed them into a changing room. Dick smiling gently as he passed the bag of Y/N’s clothes, taken from their penthouse, into Y/N’s trembling arms. 

“Bruce paid for that outfit, so try not to ruin it, okay? We’ll be waiting out here for you.” Dick booped their nose, and left Y/N alone in the changing room taht only had a curtain for a door. With trembling hands, they searched the bag for their phone. They have to call someone. Cheryl will help them. So would Jon. Maybe even Maya! Y/N just needs to call– 

“Y/N, we have your phone out here, so don’t panic.” Y/N bit their lip to stop themself from sobbing. One thing. They just want one thing to go right today. 

A knock sounded on the wood that was hoolding the curtain, “Y/N, do you need help?” 

“N-no! No, I’m just try-trying to be gentle with the piece.” Bruce hummed, “Well, try and hurry. Alfred is excited to see you and is expecting us for dinner in three hours.” Y/N gulped, carefully stripping and putting on the sweats and hoodie. Clothes that still smell like their laundry detergent and shoes Y/N knows were in their closet. 

‘Dear God.’ They whimpered as they slipped on the comfortable pair of shoes, and bagged the shoes from teh show, and carefully picked up the article of clothing. The gold bat symbol shining mockingly at them. 

The curtain pulled open, and like a horror photo, the light from behind them casted and eerie shadow. Bruce’s face hidden in teh darkness as he reached his hand out for Y/N, knowing full well his child cannot run. 

“C’mon Y/N, time to go home.”

______________________________________________________________

A Part 2 will definitely happen! Kinda has to, to be honest.

[ikeuverse]

CRIMINAL LOVE — p.sunghoon

PAIRING: killer!sunghoon x rich!fem!reader GENRES: angst, smut, maybe fluff WC: 4.6k+

WARNINGS: weapons, drink, drugs, swearing. mention and execution of murder, blood, fights (physical and verbal). unprotected sex (the details of the sex parts i'll add as i post the chapters), but there are more than two, for sure. lmk if i forgot anything else.

SYNOPSIS: paid to kill people, sunghoon finds himself in the biggest dilemma of his life. getting paid the most money his profession has ever given him to kill a woman. but he can't do it because it goes beyond his principles, who has never laid a finger on a woman. what will he do when the twist is right in front of his eyes?

NOTES: i had this initial idea for jay, but i don't know why i thought i'd write it for sunghoon. i've modified a few things and i'm thinking of making it a story with a few chapters. i hope you like it!

TAGLIST: i don't know if i'll do it, but…

masterlist | prologue | part 1 | part 2 [...]

None of this was new to Park Sunghoon. The eyes stared at him in fear, shining with a pair of panicked features as they begged for their lives. His index finger against the trigger of the gun before he asked to speak his last words and then fired. Seeing the body slowly collapse in front of you, the eyes losing life and the blood dripping through the fabric of the clothes and onto the floor. This was a very familiar scenario, even more so as a hitman.

If anyone ever asked him why he lived this life, the answer would come quickly: easy money.

Sunghoon got used to being on the streets in search of a job to maintain his almost miserable life after the death of his parents. His grandfather, an alcoholic who barely stayed at home, was the only living relative he had. And the only person who could give him a roof over his head at fifteen.

Wandering the streets in search of something solid led Sunghoon to meet all sorts of people and ways of making ends meet. He worked with a bit of everything until he found the job he had settled into today. It was through Jake, one of the first people he befriended, that he learned what it was like to kill for money. His friend's father had a scheme and paid him well enough to eat, dress, and live in his grandfather's house, which he barely saw.

Jake and his father became a family to Sunghoon, even if it was in the worst of environments, but it was the only thing he could get close to that bordered on a good feeling. The boy couldn't call it love because he'd never heard it from any of his friends, although they could say that they respected and cared for each other, but love, for Sunghoon, was too strong.

Who would say about love when, in fact, he was hired to kill? Often people from his own family and for financial reasons. So how could he believe that love existed when his job showed otherwise? Of course, everyone had family problems… Look at him! Sunghoon wasn't the greatest example of this, but come on, he would never have his grandfather or anyone else killed in his own home. It was bizarre, but unfortunately, that's what he dealt with most of the time. And that's what filled his pocket and made him change his life.

Moving into his apartment after his grandfather died, having more contact with Jake and his father about the business, and even getting on a bit more when things started to expand. This was all thanks to Sunghoon's skill and eye for instigating Jake's father to think bigger. It was risky for him to try to suggest that they think big, such as killing some CEO in debt or someone high up.

You've got to be crazy, he heard Jake mutter once, at an informal meeting they had after a successful case. Sunghoon could be crazy, but when it came down to it and money, the highest cases paid well. And that's what he asked Jake's father about until they had their first diplomat client. The amount to be paid was so high that they had never thought of having it in their bank accounts.

"We need to kill about four people to get that" Jake muttered after looking at the amount. A sigh left his father's lips before he agreed.

And so began the great social affair between Jake and Sunghoon – along with Jake's father – for bigger cases with fat sums in their money accounts.

It was dangerous, but Sunghoon lived for it. He didn't have anyone else, he didn't have anything to think about except his well-being and how he could have what he wanted more peacefully after living in poverty for years. He didn't want to go through the insecurity of not having anything to eat, or having to wander the streets looking for something to do or somewhere to stay so that he wouldn't have to be alone in a house where he didn't know who would come back. But now, in his apartment, he shared the peace of knowing that everything was his. Every little thing in there had been earned by him, even if the money wasn't in the cleanest way, but someone had to do that kind of work.

And it wasn't as if Sunghoon would kill just anyone either, he had strict criteria about this that he made very clear to Jake and his father before things got as strong as they are today. Like killing people who had only done some kind of harm to those who had asked for it. Like women who had been beaten by their husbands, or someone in particular who had physically or mentally hurt whoever was hiring the service. Or that person posed a risk to the society in question and they knew that no authority would do anything about it. So they did. And the most important thing of all was that under no circumstances would Sunghoon lay a hand on a woman.

But the universe seemed to play tricks on him that morning, arriving at the office and seeing Jake's eyes light up. It would be pointless to ask why, considering that he was one of the first to receive clients and their proposals, so someone had probably come to Jake to talk to him and give him a huge sum of money.

"Dude, I think we're rich" he threw himself into the leather chair that initially belonged to his father. But as long as the older man didn't arrive at the office, Jake took possession of it until that happened.

"What do you mean?" Sunghoon held back a laugh as he walked a little further into the office, throwing his body into the small armchair opposite the desk Jake was sitting at "A client with good money?"

"Better than that" he sighed, throwing his head back "This client wants to hire our services for two people, but the price is—"

"Jake, spit it out" Sunghoon said quickly.

"Bro, she'll pay two million" he looked directly at Sunghoon. That amount would cheer the boy up if he hadn't heard it before, or even been paid for it "For each of us, and for each of the two people we're going to kill."

Wait, that was new to Sunghoon. Two million for each of them, totaling two people to kill, so… Four million for him, and four million for Jake?

"Man, that's…"

"Insane, I know" Jake interrupted him as if he already knew what his friend was going to say. But something seemed a little off because he didn't have that much energy to say that amount. Normally Jake would have been bouncing around the room literally like a child, totally losing his hitman pose as he commented on the four million that would be playing around in his bank account for the next few weeks.

"What's wrong?" Sunghoon asked at once, noticing the change in his friend's mood as the seconds passed. Jake now looked a little uncomfortable in his father's chair and shifted his body a few times to try to find a comfortable position, opting to lean his elbows on the table and tilt his body a little.

"You know it's four million each, right?" he asked, watching Sunghoon agree "And that the percentage we give my father on each client is very small because, well, he already has a lot of money…"

"Speak up, man. You're stalling on something." Sunghoon wasn't out of patience, but he knew that Jake tended to talk too much when he was nervous. What could have happened to make him like this?

Jake nodded in agreement and continued to lean on the table, leaning towards Sunghoon, who settled into the armchair and imitated his friend's position on the other side. Leaning his elbows on the table and looking at the boy in front of him, who was now looking at his hands.

"A woman wants us to kill her brother and…" Jake slowly closed his eyes "Her niece."

Sunghoon felt a ringing in his ear and then his whole body tensed up. He couldn't explain why he had that reaction, but just mentioning that there was a woman for him to kill made everything seem completely out of place to him.

"You're kidding me, right?" Sunghoon asked.

"I really wanted to, man, I swear" he whined, watching Sunghoon's withdrawal appear little by little as he slid his arms off the table and leaned back in the armchair.

"And what did those two do to make her want to kill two people at once?"

"I don't know" Jake shrugged. "She hasn't told me yet, she's arranged a meeting and my father wants to go along. It's too high…"

"You two do it" he stood up, walking to the middle of the room before he heard Jake calling after him. Without turning around, Sunghoon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He waited a few seconds before finally turning to his friend.

"I can't do this without you, bro. You know we've been working together forever" Jake began.

"But what are my conditions?" Sunghoon asked, and for a moment he saw a glimmer of regret in Jake's eyes. For mentioning or even thinking that his friend might do this kind of thing. Maybe the money had messed with his head a bit and he wouldn't deny it, but Jake knew Sunghoon well enough, he just wanted to try until he couldn't anymore. Even though he knew it would come to nothing because Sunghoon would never accept.

Silence was Jake's way of responding, not knowing exactly what to say because he knew Sunghoon's terms well. Everyone was aware and in agreement, so why change their minds at that moment?

"I just need your help, then" he said after some quiet time.

"I'm not putting my hands on either of you, be warned," Sunghoon said, a little angry about the whole situation until he saw Jake nod silently, implying that he had nothing more to say.

Then, as if on cue, he left the room and walked around the building in search of something to clear his mind of what had just happened. It was an unimaginable amount for him, but Sunghoon wouldn't go against his principles for it.

For the first time, he had refused something that Jake had asked of him. And he felt immensely awkward about it.

You could feel the migraine invading you little by little. The side of your head ached like never before, while your eyes stung and you tried your best to pay attention to people and their words of condolence.

It had been a week since your grandfather's death, and the only sincere tears you had seen – apart from your own – were those of your uncle. He was the closest thing to real family you had after your father's death a year ago. Having him around was comforting, especially as your family was driven by money and scandal. Everything revolved around social and financial status. Your grandfather's company was the focal point of all that arrogance in the family members.

But now, with his death and the will read, you had to assimilate that the only beneficiaries were you and your uncle, the one who was still crying over his father's death and trying to understand how it had all happened. And then there was him, a well-groomed gentleman who eschewed the stereotype of the rich old man and business owner who walked around with a glass of whisky in his hand. On the death certificate, his grandfather had died of cirrhosis, but you were surprised. Even though he wasn't a health professional, you could assume that this would be different, to say the least, since the old man had never drunk a drop of alcohol.

“This is terrible for your health” he once said. “Try never to drink more than necessary. And at parties, I promise to serve you the best natural juice.”

Those words always lingered in your mind because your grandfather was serious, in his own right, but he was very loving. You became so attached to him that you took an interest in the affairs of your grandfather’s company with a genuine gesture of helping him, which he appreciated.

Maybe that was what had made him put your name on that paper, inheriting half of the family fortune. While your uncle got the other half.

Millions and millions, or should say billions? It was so much money that you swore you would die and the amount would continue to yield in your account even though you used it almost every day. That was why you knew that some people who had always been there for your grandfather’s money were now furious because they couldn’t enjoy a single cent of it.

“We are so sorry for the loss of your father, Yvone” someone’s voice took you out of your thoughts, making your eyes dart around the people around you. A well-dressed woman with a tired expression was greeting your aunt. She didn’t have a trace of sadness on her face. That stranger seemed sadder than your aunt over the loss of her father.

“I’m sure you are too” she tried to fake a sad voice that you recognized from afar. Your stomach almost churned as she hugged the other woman.

Suddenly, your embarrassment became even greater, because your aunt's gaze was immediately on you. She seemed angry, with something bad inside her that immediately wanted to be directed at you. Your gaze soon turned away from her to try to find your uncle who was desolate.

Your steps through the environment were fast and precise, the sound of leather shoes against the devastated floor was inhibited by the sound of other people's voices and laments. You weren't running, but the things inside your body said very well that you seemed to be in a hurry.

Your eyes quickly spotted your uncle a little further away, sitting on a bench alone outside. You walked a little calmer towards him until you sat next to the man. He didn't need to look up to know that the only person with compassion in that family was you.

"I wish this nightmare would end" he said quietly, a sob breaking out of his voice when your uncle raised his head and continued to look ahead.

"I still can't believe it" you sighed. Your eyes are locked on the events in front of you. Some people were coming and going from your grandfather's mansion with small flowers in their hands or pieces of paper, like written notes of thanks. Of course, he wouldn't read them, he was dead. But it was a way of thanking everyone he knew, and the reading would be up to you and your uncle. The only ones who cared about the sentimental side of things.

"Do you think Yvone hates us now?" your uncle asked, finally looking at you. His eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets and bloodshot from his eyeballs, they were so red. You swallowed a sigh and just nodded.

"For the reading of Grandpa's will? Of course" you laughed humorlessly, listening to him accompany you.

As if summoning a haunting, just saying her name out loud made your aunt's figure appear in the doorway of the mansion. She welcomed people by trying to look sad or convincing whoever was arriving. Her eyes quickly fell on you and your uncle, further away from the house and sitting on a secluded bench. She didn't show any reaction but took her cell phone out of her pocket to do something you didn't even care about. Her attention was on the man next to her.

“I can’t be happy knowing that my father left all this for me and you” he ran his hands through his hair, almost pulling it out if it weren’t for your hands stopping him. You held one of his hands and kept it in your lap.

“It’s okay uncle, I’m not happy about this either” you said. “Money won’t erase anything that’s happening to the two of us, you know that.”

Of course, he knew. You and your uncle could sometimes say that you were born into the wrong family because you were the only ones who didn’t count on money. Even though you knew that your whole life revolved around it. Even though every interaction you had since the day you were born was driven by money. It wasn’t your fault for being born into a family like that, but you could deal with it and think about how you spent what you had.

“How about you come in and get a drink? I bet you’re thirsty” your uncle said quietly, making you look at him after some time of contemplation while still watching people entering and leaving the mansion.

“I think I’ll go in a little while, I want to stay here a little longer” you smiled sadly at the man as he stood up and just waved in your direction. Just as you knew when he wanted some time alone, your uncle was also able to understand when you needed it.

Leaving him and going back into the mansion, you saw him disappear among the little people who had now gone inside the house. You remained there, looking around that immense land that your grandfather owned. One of them, to be more exact. You remember playing with your uncle and your father to guess which was the largest land your grandfather had in his name. Of course, the two older men always let you win, even though it was a rather unfunny game. But it was one of the few moments when the three of you were together, aware of the money you had and trying to make good use of it.

Your body slowly shrank with a small gust of wind, indicating that the weather was changing from sunny to something colder and almost rainy. You looked up at the sky, noticing the clouds beginning to darken. Rain was the last thing you wanted, but maybe you needed it. To wash away all that heaviness you've felt since your grandfather died. Rain could help wash away the dirt that remained beneath your feet and wash away all the bad feelings and burdens you would face in the days to come.

The decision to go back inside wasn't so difficult as your body shrank a little more, curses spilling from your lips as you missed a coat or a blanket that could cover your arms. Just a tank top and silk pants weren't a suitable outfit for the moment, but it was the first thing you could think of to wear when your aunt summoned the whole family to pay homage to your grandfather at his mansion.

You got up from the bench and stretched your whole body, trying to shake off some of the day's exhaustion and thinking about how you wanted to go back to your apartment and take a shower. Get all those sticky, fake hugs off your body. Those words buzzing around in your head lamenting what had happened. No one there really cared, so you at least paid attention to the fake tears in front of you.

You walked in slow steps to the front door, trying to avoid walking in with anyone who might greet you. You didn't want to talk to anyone anymore, just to be there long enough to leave. But your steps were quickly stopped.

Feeling a hand around your waist, you looked up to find your aunt standing in the doorway just as something covered your mouth. It all happened too quickly. Your vision began to blur as you struggled against a body that seemed much bigger than yours. Your hands were useless at grabbing any kind of skin to scratch because the arms holding you were covered.

You don't remember much, but the only thing that didn't leave your mind before passing out was the cynical smile of the woman right in front of you.

“What did she ask for?” Sunghoon was exasperated, pacing back and forth as he looked at your unconscious body on the other side of the room.

“To torture her and get a video of her saying she wants to pass everything on to her aunt…” Jake began.

“First of all, I never agreed to this” he interrupted his friend, controlling himself as much as possible so as not to scream and wake you up. They had just taken off the masks and all the equipment when they laid you down on the small mattress with almost no foam.

“My dad just asked you to help me bring her in, I know.” Jake sighed. “I don’t want to do this either, but—”

“Dude, listen” Sunghoon looked at him. “We can deny this and say fuck you to those four million. Seriously, there’s no way we can continue.”

The desperation in his voice was completely real, Jake could feel it. He was also desperate about all of this, although it wasn’t something new for either of them. But the cruelty in how his aunt was making requests of them without even knowing them or having finished the job. How demanding she was and how she wanted everything to be done as quickly as possible. Sunghoon never had bad feelings about his work, he just went there and killed whoever was necessary. But as soon as he looked at his aunt through the gap in the mask and noticed her smile, the way she behaved in front of the people who were entering the house, without even noticing that he and Jake were carrying her to a black car with no license plate.

He didn't know what he was doing, he didn't know why he had accepted all of that. Sunghoon was breaking one of his biggest rules and all because of money? Four million wouldn't pay for his principles even if his job was one of the worst possible. He already had too much blood on his hands, but that didn't matter when you had a woman unconscious and almost ready to be killed by Jake.

Arguing with Mr. Sim was out of the question, he had already tried since he received the offer and saw the man's eyes light up at the amount. Even though he knew that Sunghoon's biggest criteria were at stake.

"If you're not going to kill her, at least help Jake bring her here" was the only thing he said after finishing the little discussion he had started. He couldn't win this one, he couldn't deny something that he had at least managed to keep going.

Now here he was, pacing back and forth and going over what your aunt wanted Jake to do to you.

For one lousy moment, Sunghoon felt a twinge of regret and compassion for you. Your calm countenance while you were unconscious and the way you seemed harmless, something clicked in his mind telling him that you weren't as bad as the woman said you were. Maybe she'd done the worst kind of propaganda just to make you look bad enough for them to kill you.

"Sunghoon, hey" Jake called out quickly, taking off his black glove and throwing it on the table "What are we going to do?"

"I already told you," Sunghoon sighed once again, stopping walking and feeling his throat irritated because he had already shouted at Jake the whole way "Let's give up that four million, it's not worth it."

"Is that all I'm worth?"

Sunghoon looked in Jake's direction and they both froze. Eyes wide, breathing almost labored as they searched for something to cover their faces. But it was too late. As soon as Sunghoon crossed the room and focused on you, there you were. You were sitting with your back against the wall, your hands tied by the ribbons perched perfectly on your lap. Your hair was completely messed up, but he could still see every detail of your face. How, even so, you looked very beautiful.

"Shit" Jake cursed softly, turning away while Sunghoon stood there staring at him. He felt his friend pull him a few times so that you wouldn't stare so hard at his face that you wouldn't recognize him if something went wrong. But Sunghoon simply couldn't move.

"It's okay, I've seen you. I've been awake for a few minutes" your voice was hoarse, perhaps from lack of use, and because you tried to scream before Sunghoon put the cloth over your mouth to force you to faint.

Jake hesitated to turn around but did so when he saw that his friend wasn't moving at all.

"If you say anything—" Sunghoon made Jake look like he was speaking rudely when he landed a weak punch on his arm. He didn't know why he was defending you like that, not least because that was Jake's role, to be rude at first and gradually hurt whoever was in front of them.

Knowing this, Sunghoon already sensed that he would start being rude until Jake's hands were on you to hurt you. And he didn't want that.

"What did you hear?" Sunghoon addressed you for the first time. His eyes still glazed over at your completely weak and staggering figure in front of him.

He noticed that your eyes were bright, maybe watery, and if you blinked a little more, tears would fall like waterfalls. He was already weak just knowing that he had done this to you, seeing you cry would do what to him? Sunghoon didn't want to know. That case was getting too emotional.

"Just the four million part" you moaned a little in pain as you moved and felt your back crack. That mattress was terrible and you assumed you'd been on it for a long time, but it wasn't important. Your mind was elsewhere and on how you were here, so before you could even think of anything, you asked "It was her, wasn't it?"

"Her who?" Sunghoon and Jake asked at the same time.

For a long minute, you were quiet, just thinking about the little interactions you had with the woman who was supposed to have done this to you. Your heart ached, that wasn't possible. You never thought she could do that.

"My aunt told you two to kill me," you tried to keep your voice steady, "did I?"

It was the turn of the two boys to be silent right in front of you. Jake moistened his lips and tried to find the words to answer you, pondering whether or not to be rude to you. Not least because he didn't want to be punched again by Sunghoon. He swallowed dryly and looked away a few times, wondering whether or not to tell the truth.

"I triple it."

"What?" Jake raised his voice, echoing throughout the room as he looked in your direction and then at Sunghoon.

"I say I'll triple that amount" you moved again, trying to find a more comfortable position on that shitty mattress that was making all your muscles ache "If you don't kill me."

Jake laughed. Nervously, perhaps, but he tried to look a little more cool as he walked towards you and bent down right in front of you. Knees bent enough to bring him close to your face. If you were in the best condition, you could lift your leg and kick him in the knee, only to stagger and fall backward. But you just wanted answers.

"Do you think we're open to negotiations, princess?" he shifted his gaze between your eyes and your mouth but remained in your gaze, which was still sparkling. Jake didn't want to seem arrogant, but that's how he'd been taught.

That's how he learned to deal with that kind of situation, listening to everything and every possible appeal before doing his job. But he never received a counter-proposal, especially one as high as that.

"I don't think you'll even get paid that four million, actually" you looked at him, your voice becoming more and more shaky, "but since the whole inheritance is with me, I'll triple it if you don't kill me."

For a second Jake looked back to Sunghoon for support at that moment. He knew that his friend would probably accept because it would give him the chance to never lay a finger on you.

"Instead, I want you to kill my aunt."

That turn of events was making Jake and Sunghoon's heads spin. Hearts pounding as you let a single tear fall down your cheek. You tried to look convincing and strong talking to two guys who were about to kill you.

But being able to protect yourself was one of the few things you learned because it wasn't the first time someone had approached you out of interest. So why not use the money you had to your advantage? You never thought you'd be able to do that kind of thing, but you'd try anything to make sure no one killed you.

And if the case was to have those who wanted you dead killed, then you'd start with that.

© ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.

[fefairys]

#'i joke about it to cope' it is not a healthy coping mechanism. you need to find a new one. you are not properly coping  #like i would 100000000% rather someone say 'im gonna kill you' than 'im gonna kms' in response to like me making a stupid joke or whatever  #i find that that funny. like oh im so mad at how stupid that joke was im gonna kill u. thats funny  #'im gonna kms' ??? not funny. makes me uncomfortable. makes me not want to joke with you anymore 

adding my tags too. originally this was specifically in reference to interaction of: "stupid joke" "omg shut up im gonna kms" (is laughing. thinks its funny. not actually feeling suicidal in any way)

but this is also about "[im experiencing mild inconvenience] im gonna kms" u need to get out of that mindset. it's not easy and it's a slow-going process to rewire your brain like that, but the first step to not wanting to kill yourself as much is to stop saying it as much. it’s one of those things that sounds stupid and is annoying to hear but it really helps.

check out this fun little list of some suggestions of things to say instead of “i’m gonna kill myself” by tumblr user calware 👍

suicide jokes are such a Problem like im in a group where someone asked everyone to please stop making suicide jokes around them because it's extremely triggering to them, and even though they all said they'd stop, some of them still do it sometimes on accident because it's just second nature to them to say "im gonna kill myself" as a joke.

and a lot of people justify it by saying "well i struggled with/struggle with suicide so i can joke about it" and like man ok??? i fucking guess?? but you need to be able to turn it off (ALL THE WAY) when someone asks at LEAST.

and even still, it's not healthy to constantly "joke" that you want to kill yourself, ESPECIALLY if you really do. if your constant knee-jerk response to stuff is "im gonna kms" it's going to feed into your actual suicidal ideation and make it worse. find a new thing to say.

[seungfl0wer]

*𝙄𝙫𝙚 𝙂𝙤𝙩 𝙔𝙤𝙪*

Pairing: Changbin x Reader (Fem)

Genre: Angst (Happy ending of course)

Warnings: Abusive father! Violence, Blood, Alcohol, Sick mother, Lots of cursing. Father is a real piece of shit and puts hands on reader multiple times. Sorry for any mistakes or missing tags.

Just for another warning because I think it’s important. This has content that could trigger some people. Please please read the warnings. If any of them make you uncomfortable please don’t read. Also a reminder. You’re not alone. No one ever should be laying their hands on you. I love you. You’re loved. You don’t ever deserve anything like this.

Find The Request Here

-🖤

Changbin wrapped his arms around you pulling you close to him. He kissed your neck tenderly nuzzling himself into your neck. You both were snuggled up on the couch watching a show. “My angel” he said softly before softly kissing your neck once more. When you were with him it felt like nothing else mattered like the world was alright. Your moment of happiness was short lived though seeing your phone buzzing. It was your father. Just seeing his name flash on your phone made you anxious.

After your mother had passed away your dad became an even bigger monster. He was always a good for nothing, But now not working as much as he did he stayed home drinking. Your mother had told you before the only reason she had stayed with him was because she didn’t have anywhere else to go. Her family was from another country, she didn’t have much money or friends. She was such a brave woman though. You don’t know how she dealt with him so long but I guess him never really being home helped. He had gotten fired from his big job because of his drinking and anger problems. Going to work one day hungover and punching a coworker so hard it broke his nose. He had to pay a hefty fine for that. Now he has a slow job where he only works a few days.

One of your earliest memories of him being his asshole self was him telling you how he hated that you were a girl. He hated that in his words ‘that useless bitch couldn’t even give me a boy.’ He wanted a son so badly and he made sure you knew that. He never really bonded with you however he’d be damned if you didn’t respect his authority. The first time he ever laid hands on you, you were 9. You accidentally knocked over a table braking the lamp that was placed on it. He grabbed you by the wrist smacking you across the face. ‘You stupid fucking brat! Look what you did, you’re just like your fucking mother!’ He spat pushing you away from him.

After that day it just kept going. Having to wear long sleeves at school to hide the bruises. At one point you had to stay home for almost a week. You had stepped in front of him to protect your mom when he hit you square in the face busting your lip. It stayed swollen and bruised for a while. Tooth slightly cracked from the incident.

You wanted so badly to tell someone. Confide in a teacher anything. You were scared to though. Scared they’d blame your mom, put her in jail and take you away. So you endured it. As your mom started to get sick he turned more of his attacks on you. Although a complete peace of shit he wasn’t stupid. He knew if he did anything to her the doctors would see it.

After she had passed you kept yourself from the house as best as you could. Not going home as much as you possibly could. You got a job at a cafe down the road and that’s how you met changbin. He was a regular who once you started talking admitted to only coming so much to see you.

You kept your home life a secret to him as much as you could but one day you were getting intimate you forgot about the bruises. When he had lifted your shirt his smile dropped. He looked at you with wide eyes “what the fuck? Who did this to you?” He said clenching his jaw. All you could do was sob he held you in his arms rubbing your back. “I’m sorry for raising my voice I just- y/n please- what happened?” He asked.

Through your sobs you told him, you unloaded everything in a word vomit of sadness. He would and wanted to go find your father. To beat him senseless, to show him how it feels but he knew you needed him more. He held you so tightly, feeling his own heart breaking from your words. Knowing a family member could do this to someone they were supposed to protect. To love and cherish just broke him. He was such a family oriented person and now he realized why you never wanted him to meet him. Never talked about him. He asked why you couldn’t just leave explaining to him how your mother wasn’t from here, how you had no family and no one else to rely on.

“Shit- it’s my dad” you said frantically picking the phone up.

“Where the fuck are you? He spat.

“I’m- I’m just at a friend’s house” you stuttered.

He laughed “sure, you’re probably slutting around. Get your fucking ass home.”

He hung up leaving you shaking. “I gotta go.” You said picking your keys up.

“Y/n you don’t have to” Changbin said with pleading eyes.

“I’m sorry.” You said before heading to the door.

Your brain wondered what was going on. Why he needed you home. As you pulled up coming through the door you saw him slumped in his usual chair. “About fucking time” he hissed. “Do something useful and go get me some more beer” he demanded.

You stood there almost dumb founded. Before he hissed again “don’t make me say it again!”

You nodded heading down to the store and getting it for him. When you got home again you sat the beer beside him. He gave you a smirk “glad you know how to listen” he chuckled. Your nose twitched at his smell, you hated being close to him. The smell of alcohol, cigarettes and B.O. always radiated off of him. He motioned for you to leave and you did slinking back to your room to text changbin.

Him: Y/n! Text me back! I’m worried!

You: I’m fine. He just wanted beer

Him: I swear I’ll end him one of these days

You: I’m gonna go to bed ok? I’ll see you in the morning! Love you!

Him: Love you to beautiful. Text me when you wake up🖤

You fell asleep shortly after always finding peace in sleep. The next few days were the same old. Going to Changbins after work going home late when you knew he’d be passed out. Today though. You had to run home for your wallet. When you walked through the door your dad was in the kitchen. You took one look around and realized something had to have happened. Things were thrown around. Smashed. Your body froze before you could go to walk back out he saw you.

“Where do you think you’re fucking going!” He yelled. He made a bee line toward you.

“I’m- I’m picking up another shift at work I just came home to grab something.” You lied.

“Bull fucking shit!” He spat.

He grabbed you by your throat lifting you up against the wall. His eyes were dark, knuckles bloody from punching the wall. “I get fucking fired from my god damn job only to come home to see you running back out? For what huh? To go fucking whore around some more?” He said. “No! There’s gonna be some fucking changes!” He screamed.

He dropped you to the floor before grabbing you by your wrist dragging you to the kitchen. “You’re gonna get another fucking job, you’re gonna start paying the other bills!” He spat. “You got it!”

When you didn’t answer right away he slapped more like punched you across the face. “Answer me bitch!” He said gritting his teeth. All you could do was nod scared for your life. You felt a warmth running down, your nose was bleeding.

“You’re fucking pathetic you know that, just like your fucking mother! That bitch. That bitch fucking deserved what she got! I’m glad she’s fucking dead!” He spat. Something had come over you at that point. You shoved back making him stumble backwards. You made a dash to the door luckily in his drunken stupor he stumbled getting back up. You ran. Not even bothering getting in your car afraid it take to long.

So you ran. You ran as fast as you could until you couldn’t anymore. You hid yourself in the bushes at the park panting. Trying to catch your breath as you fumbled to call changbin. “Hey angel” he said happily but when he heard you breathing heavy his heart sank. “Y/n what’s wrong? Are you ok?” He asked.

“I’m- I’m at the- park down- down the road- please” you stuttered out.

“Stay there I’m just down the road!” He said before grabbing his keys speeding to you.

He gripped the steering wheel afraid for what had happened. “Angel? I’m here!” He yelled out.

You peaked your head out, when he got a good look at you anger filled his body. ‘That mother fucker’ he snarled. There was no time to be angry right now though. You needed him. So desperately needed him.

He sat beside you pulling you into his arms. He took his jacket placing it around you as he whipped away the blood from your nose. He noticed the handprint mark around your neck, he gritted his teeth seething. You sobbed, holding onto him for dear life. He rubbed your back “ssh sh it’s ok angel, I’m here, I got you.” He said.

He rocked you back and forth letting your sobs subside before asking you anything. “Does it hurt?” He asked lifting your face to him looking over your nose and neck. You nodded. It hurt to swallow, hurt to breathe, everything just hurt. “Can I take you to the hospital?” He asked. You were hesitant but you nodded.

The car ride there all he could do was watch over you. Scared something could seriously be wrong. Cursing at himself for not being there. He was in the process of finding a new place. A new place so you could move in with him. The only reason you didn’t live with him now was for the fact he had other roommates and if the tenant found out about you they all could be evicted. He was gonna surprise you today with the good news, that he found a place. Close to his work and close to a bakery you had wanted to work at.

When he had gotten to the hospital they all looked at him like he had done it. They checked you over asked him a million questions. The cops being called from below to ask him questions. They weren’t completely shocked when they heard your dad’s name. He was notorious for his anger outbursts and violence. He had a list of charges that had gotten one being the man he punched at his old job. They wrote everything down, took pictures of your bruises and wounds. Asking you lots of questions before leaving.

“Y/n did you know you had a broken rib at one point?” A nurse asking you.

You shook your head.

“Looks like it happened a while ago, it fused back but not properly. You ever have sharp pains?” She asked.

“Yeah, she use to complain about side pains but they kinda just stopped.” Changbin chimed in.

“How is she right now?” Changbin asked.

“Nothings broken however you’re lucky, the pressure he had around your throat bruised your vocal cords. Any harder you could be looking at serious damage”

The nurse had left to grab some papers changbin took your hand into his. He kissed your cheek softly rubbing his thumb over yours. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there” he said softly.

You shook your head “I don’t want him hurting you either” you said looking up at him.

“I’m proud of you though, pushing back and getting yourself out of there. Your mom would be proud” he said with a small smile. His words made you smile a bit. “She definitely would.”

“I had some news to tell you” he said hoping this would make you smile.

“Yeah?” You asked.

“Yeah. I’m moving. Well we’re moving” he said with a smile. When you looked at him a bit confused his smile grew “I got a place for the two of us. Wish it could have happened sooner but-“ he said.

You wrapped your arms around him hugging him tightly “we’re gonna live together? I’ll get to spend all the time with you?” You said eagerly.

“Yep! Got the keys today!”

When the door opened you thought it was the nurse however it was an officer. “Y/n we have your father in custody. Do you have a place to stay for the mean time?” He asked looking over at your boyfriend.

“I do, but can I go back and get something’s you asked.

The officer nodded “I’ll have to escort you because it’s a crime scene now.”

You nodded.

“Whenever you get discharged we can go alright?” He said before walking out.

After you went to the house grabbing your clothes, laptop and a few things you smiled saying good riddance to this place. You had the few things from your mom packed, having nothing more in this house for you.

Moving in with changbin was something to get use to. However he helped you every step of the way. You got into much needed therapy and after your father’s sentence you felt like things were going up. As a little house warming gift Changbin had surprised you with a cat. You had bonded with him with the many times he had taken you to the cat cafe. You always said how much you wanted him and now you had him. You had your little family now.

Changbin showered you in love as usual, never missing a chance to compliment you, praise you and tell you how much he loved you. You knew in your heart your mom wherever she was, she was happy. Happy seeing her little girl finally get out of the situation. To live her life to the fullest.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵

Taglist: @satosugu4l @do-you-remember-summer-127 @xines16 @minh0scat @troublemaker02 @tr-mha-fan @lunearta @velvetmoonlght @minghaosimp

[boizandgurlzinthehouse]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞.

pairing: coriolanus snow x toxic!fem!reader

summary: someone always throw a spanner in her works, to achieve her biggest dream —being coriolanus' lover, wife and claiming power. luckily, y/n is not on the loser side when it comes to playing.

trigger warnings: mastermind!reader, toxic!reader (for real, she's doing nasty things), reader's family is a bit fucked up, reader is obsessed with coriolanus snow, lying, swearing, blood, violence, killing people, hunger games stuff, i just love volumnia gaul, reader hates lucy gray and everybody who's around coriolanus, mental health problems mentioned such as psychotism.

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓.

their peace was harassed. again. 

lying on her bed, y/n’s legs were flexing with the same rhythm as her heart beated and her brain ticked. 

that bitch. that dickhead. that fucking new rule.  

turning onto her back, y/n bruised her hands into her hair. too many things happened today, too fast and she couldn’t do anything. she couldn’t do anything to get closer to her first and only lover, coriolanus. it was the perfect plan she had made; going to the same places he went, organizing her whole life around him and gaining access into his heart. and after that? marriage, of course. and kids, and endless wealth that could be provided by her family and his position, because y/n didn’t accept anyone else as a husband than the president of panem. they could be the perfect couple, and her family almost gave the benediction to their marriage. 

only if this fucking day wouldn’t happen. 

today, in the school were coriolanus was studying –y/n was a private student, her family only trusted the teachers that educated the former younger members of the family like her older brother, who was now the leader of the first district–, a new rule was stated: students’ grades wasn’t the reason anymore for the plinth-prize, no. they needed to be a mentor for those poor losers who fought on the ruthless game named hunger games. y/n didn’t care about hunger games really much, but when her family was watching it on the tv in the salon, she sat down too, to watch how people’s true nature came out. while her family enjoyed watching it, they got her to take medicine since the doctor of the family stated her as a little bit mentally unstable. he said some symptoms like… lack of empathy, callous and manipulative? she was just like her grandma, astoria. it was nothing special. 

coriolanus got to be a mentor, and she got a girl from the twelfth district. it was not only the reason of her rage that that fuckhead casca took most of his chance away from winning the prize, and that he needed to work on this much more so they couldn’t be together, but… he got a girl. a girl named lucy gray. and lucy gray can watch herself if she does anything to woo coriolanus. 

y/n got to know him when they sat at the same time in the library; it was love at the first sight. she fell too deep, and from now on, she did everything to get close to him. if she was the universe, coriolanus was the sun; everything was for and about him. she made it known to him even, telling him that he has a big future, and that he needs to watch out because everybody’s going to hunt him down. but she’s gonna protect his safety, not significantly, because she knew how important pride was for men, even if she thought that it was sometimes hilarious. she’s gonna be the shadow around him, the shadow nobody can step over to get to him. y/n knew what’s good for him, and she made real intentions in the past too, from things like speaking with her father so he could soften up casca and give him that damn prize to the even action like being friends with his sister, tigris and his grandmother, the grandma’am. they were nice anyway, so she didn’t mind, same with the money she left in their house ‘accidentally’, or paying for oriolanus’ and hers dinner or snack or coffee when they were hanging out together. her father loved y/n endlessly, because she was just like his mother, her grandmother, but he couldn’t crawl under casca’s skin against the man’s will. while her whole family laughed at that damn girl, lucy gray, who sang and got knocked down on the ground, y/n knew that she was a potential danger. in that moment when she saw the way coriolanus looked at her, y/n decided that lucy gray, this or that way, had to go. there wasn’t any space for others in their love, and anyone that decided to harass it, was gonna pay the prize. 

turning on her stomach, she drew out her journal with shaky hands from anger, tearing up the page where she wrote down steps for the plan. she had another notebook for the doctor who read it monthly, and that notebook was full of ‘normal’ thoughts. but this, this journal… this contained everything that was her. and all of her love for corio, with pictures, letters they wrote to each other, little notes they changed through boring library afternoons, her plans for the wedding dress she’s gonna wear when they marry, and the names of the children they’re gonna have, not to mention the plan and the little footnotes she added to make it really, really perfect. scanning through the papers, she knew she hadn’t planned for this. how could you be so stupid? or was casca that dickhead, that fucker, he’s throwing a spanner in my works, but he’s gonna regret it. yeah, he’s gonna regret it, but not now. this was so perfectly worked out, it was truly a masterpiece, and now, some dickhead fucked it up completely. there were two things y/n didn’t like: people who stood between her and coriolanus, and people who thought they had the right to shit into her plan. 

throwing her journal away with a scream, her white, beautiful cat, persephone meowed loudly, jumping out from the way. looking into her direction, y/n called the cat closer to herself with bending her fingers. crawling into her arms, she rocked her like a real baby. 

“casca thinks he can stop us, sweetheart. but we gotta show him that we are clever, aren’t we, persy?” she asked, stroking the cat’s fluffy fur. persephone was y/n’s best friend; she never gave away her secrets, and always purred when the girl took her into her lap. “we can’t give up, no, sweetheart. we’re almost there, we can’t give up now, and we won’t, will we?” 

persephone meowed again, while y/n picked up the journal. grabbing a pen, thinking about the plan, what was wrong with it? was it not detailed enough? was it too straight? or… her cat accidentally tossed down a picture with her big tail, making y/n sigh. 

“you need to diet, persy.” muttering, when she lifted up the picture, it was her and coriolanus, her favorite picture. and in the background, there was sejanus, clemensia, arachne and many more of his classmates. in the background, blurred out, just as she liked… 

what do they have in common? 

they all had a relationship with corio. with her too, but… that can’t be all. what if the plan was wrong because she only focused on her lover? but it’s the point of it, to have a focus on him. suddenly, it hit her like a train her brother came last night with from the first district.  

she had to peel them down from coriolanus… one by one. it’s gonna be a little bit tiring and difficult, but y/n always loved challenges. and everything that could lead to coriolanus was worth fighting for –even if this fight was a little bit dirty. but her plans weren’t dirty, and she could never be dirty. she did it all for love, for their happiness. 

“you are a fucking genius, persy.” she muttered into the cat’s fur, making her meow again. 

before she could really write down the list of the people who could stand in their way, someone knocked on her door. 

“dear sister, could you come down for dinner?” it was her older sister, morphia. she was about to wed the mayor of the second district. y/n was gonna miss her, really, but not when she disturbed her mind while planning another masterpiece. 

“of course, i’m coming!” she opened the door. kissing the cat’s fur and putting her down to the bed so she could nap, noting in her mind that she needed to bring her food after dinner. morphia saw behind her back, on the bed her other notebook, the ‘normal’ notebook. 

“were you writing down your day?” morphia asked while walking beside her little sister on the hallway of the first floor of their home. they had a three floor house, the whole y/l/n dynasty lived together under one roof, including the husbands and wives who got married into the family. the wealth came from her sharp-minded grandfather, dmitri y/l/n, who had enough influence to get the control of the first and second district, getting ten percent of income from both districts for his own family after the war. he could do it because with his help, bombs were useful enough to stop rebellions. that way, the y/l/n house became rich between the richest, and they had enough respect so nobody doubted the wealth they had. did they get it dirty? yes. did they have guilt? of course not. 

“yeah, i was. so many things happened today. did you hear that corio has to attend the games like a mentor? he got a girl from the twelfth district, it’s so unfair, isn’t it?” she replied, walking beside the frescos of their deceased family members, facing the big windows shaded by heavy brocade curtains. the whole hallway covered with soft burgundy carpet, between the frescos, vases of beautiful roses stood on marble piles. everybody who took a walk in the y/l/n house, they could almost believe that war never happened. 

“you care so much about him, you’re gonna be the best wife. but still, please use your brain, sister. you are so clever, it would be a shame if our family wasted such a perfect mind between children and housekeeping.”

“i already submitted my papers to volumnia gaul. my grades and studies are great from biology and chemistry, maybe i can be one of her geneticists or scientists.” 

“it would be great. our family was never one of those who planned the games. father will be proud of you, just like me and everyone from the family.” morphia stroked her sister’s hair, going down the spiral stairs. the rain was softly falling, tapping on the windows. y/n’s smile was moderate; of course coriolanus was important, but her family was just as much. whatever, whenever, wherever you do, do it with pride. 

sitting through dinner, y/n formed the list in her mind, smiling and laughing when the others did, eating from the big plates. at night, she wrote down everything with persephone in her lap after her dinner too, a glass of wine beside the picture of coriolanus and a little, heart-shaped candle she got from him. 

the list. 

1.arachne crane. her family is part of the old guard of the wealthy from the capitol. they work in the travel industry, having developed luxury hotels in vacation destinations. she’ always very loud and always socking people. she’s not behaving like a noble, truly pathetic.  relationship with corio: they had grown up together, attending important events in each other's lives, as was natural for members of two families of money who lived close together, but did not really like each other. how to get rid of her: waiting. she got a girl from the tenth district, the tribute-mentor work will probably make her busy. at that time, i can speak on my behalf for coriolanus, maybe angering her towards me, to play victim. coriolanus doesn’t like her anyway. 

arachne was an easy prey. otherwise, the first rule of the plan was always to keep her hands clean. never, nobody could know that behind their downfall, there was y/n. 

2. clemensia dovecote  daughter of the energy secretary. she’s always up coriolanus’ ass, only because he’s the one who she can take advantage of. no original thoughts, only crawling up on everybody’s backs. really, really pathetic.  relationship with corio: only classmates. but a really annoying one.  how to get rid of her: she’s gonna fail herself either way, always wanting to be tricky, faith is gonna be her end. if not, talking with my father about her bad reputation, so her and her family’s gonna end up warned. 

y/n trusted her father enough to not to speak out loud that she was the one who intended on it. the y/l/n house always protected each other at all costs, and she wasn’t an exception. 

2. sejanus plinth // DANGER. only child of strabo and mrs. plinth, a wealthy couple from district 2. his father, strabo, made much of his wealth from munitions and weapon manufacturing. rich, has influence.  relationship with corio: his parents almost treat him as their own child. really, really dangerous.  how to get rid of him: …

y/n stopped while writing. sejanus liked her too, because he knew corio and she was almost a couple, but really… sejanus could stop him if he even said a word. it doesn’t work if she’s too kind, if sejanus himself doesn’t, his father will notice it, the bond is too tight and she didn’t want to suffocate in it. she needs to wait until something happens, and intervene when coriolanus is in doubt. 

“we have a lot of work before us, don’t we, persy?” she asked, leaning down to kiss her sleeping cat’s head. looking out the window, the rain fell continually, striking a bolt when she wrote down the fourth person. 

3. lucy gray braid // (?) family member of the nomadic group called ‘covey’, coriolanus’ contestant in the 10th hunger games. rumors say that she got into the games because she was messing around with another girl from the twelfth district.  relationship with corio: neutral. keep in mind if something happens. her actions may be out from surviving.  how to get rid of her: she has to win, so coriolanus can get the plinth-award. other than that, she’s gonna be taken back to twelfth district. keep in mind if something happens. 

lucy gray, lucy gray… you’re gonna be in big, big trouble if you take him away from me. you looked at him in the wrong way. 

y/n sighed, tossing her pen down. she needed to do some research for the coveys, whoever they were. it’s gonna be a long night, but her happy, perfect life with coriolanus will be even longer if she makes lucy gray gone. 

“songbirds can fly high enough to get away from snakes, you know that, persy? but even they can’t get away from a big storm.” y/n giggled, finding peace in the monstrous rumbling above them, heavy droplets banging on the window. sitting at her dressing table, she chose the lipstick she’s going to wear when coriolanus and she shares their first kiss. it was perfect. looking into the mirror, there was a strange glint in her eye, the one she always had only for herself. if she can’t get him one way, she will on the other. 

and anyway… her storm is gonna rock the whole panem. 

[joelmillers-whore]

Hard Light | Chapter 1

summary: when a new english professor begins teaching your class for the duration of your semester, you can’t help but develop an innocent crush on him. he’s as off-limits as he can be, but that doesn’t deter you in the slightest. after a drunk night, you accidentally email him something that wasn’t intended to ever be seen by anyone. but that doesn’t matter. it triggers a misunderstanding that manifests into an affair with your professor who is twenty years your senior. nothing good could come of this, right? 

pairings: professor!joel x college student!reader

word count: 2.2K

series or one-shot

warnings: 18+ explicit, minors DNI, no mention of Y/N, alternate universe, professor/student relationship, eventual smut, self-esteem issues, workaholic, joel x female!reader, infatuation bordering on obsession (stay delulu friends), some sexual thoughts, masturbation (f), joel being a huge tease lol, (will add more tags as i write)

AN: i am so excited by the response that my joel one-shot got a few days ago and i’ve been itching to get something else out to you all. big, giant forehead kisses for those who want one, i love you all. so, anyway, a mini-series about professor joel is coming at you fast. i’ve written the first few chapters, so expect those in the near future. i’m thinking once a week? this fic is going to be something else and i’m so excited to share it with ya’ll. enjoy, and let me know what you think. find my ao3 here for more content and other fandoms.

You were running late for your shift at the coffee shop on campus, rummaging around your dresser, trying to find the low-cut black top you always wore when you had a shift. You weren’t usually one to feed into the peer pressure of those around you, but push came to shove when you found it nearly impossible to keep yourself afloat as a twenty-something student without the added extra tips from your part-time job.

So what if you had to show a little bit of cleavage? Right? There was no harm. Student loans were a bitch and on top of rent and food costs, you had to get a job at the coffee shop and balance a full course load just to make ends meet. 

A thought popped into your head and you rushed to your laptop, throwing it open as you checked the time; 5:45 AM. If you busted out your lightning-fast typing skills, you would have enough time to catch the next bus and make it to campus with five minutes to spare. If only your crappy second-hand computer would work.

The thing honestly sounded like a chopper engine, getting ready for lift-off. You were surprised you’d gotten this far with it. Not that you weren’t appreciative, your older brother had passed it down and it had relieved a huge weight—  and expense off of your shoulders. 

You tabbed into your school portal, typing in your credentials and selecting your English course. You sighed heavily, as you skimmed over the assignment for this week, something to do with a sonnet that you couldn’t care less about. You loved school but ever since becoming an English major, the spark that you once had for literature sort of just evaporated.

You couldn’t tell if it was because of how busy you were with everything else that you just couldn’t find the time to enjoy it, or the thought that really scared you, you had fallen out of love with it. 

It had been two years of go, go, go and you were, for lack of a better word, burnt out. You’d tried dropping courses last semester, thinking that you just needed a little bit of ease when it came to your course load, but when that didn’t solve the problem and only made things worse for you, you spent the last two semesters trying to catch up and get yourself to a place where you could finally breathe.

But it wasn’t easy. You were only now caught up to where you had been, the illusion that you were someone who could afford to take time off and slow down was a distant memory. 

In bold letters, the words Paid Internship jumped off of the screen. You smiled as you leaned in closer to the screen, making sure you read through everything correctly. This was the break above the surface that you needed, the reprieve that you had been chasing. A paid internship was exactly how you’d be able to make more money and maybe have a little breathing room before you worked yourself into an early grave.

You clicked the mail icon at the top and clicked into a new email, deciding that the worst-case scenario was that you wouldn’t get the internship. All you were doing was inquiring about the application process. Best-case scenario; you’d get it and make some extra pocket money. 

You saw the time, cursing under your breath as you slammed the laptop closed, grabbed your phone out of the charger and ran out of the door. You couldn’t be late, not again. You texted your co-worker Jeremy to open the shop without you and explained to him that you were running a few minutes late, as you barely made it to the bus. You climbed on board, scanned your student pass and found a seat near the back. Your chest was burning from the rush of trying to make it on time, but you could breathe easy now.

You checked your messages mindlessly, scrolling through a bunch of unread ones that you didn’t have the heart to answer. 

Before you knew it, the familiar monuments and buildings of UT Austin came into view, and the subtle change of scenery from downtown to a more densely packed area made your heart skip a beat. It was the same each time you were back on campus. Which, these days, was often. Sliding out of the seat, you made your way to the front, thanking the driver as the bus came to a complete stop. 

The coffee shop was only a short walk from the bus stop but even still you quickened your pace. You didn't want to leave Jeremy alone for long, you already felt bad enough about letting him open by himself. You stifled a yawn as you pushed open the door to the small cafe, leaning your body into the door, slightly cringing at the shrill sound of the bell. 

"There you are", a male voice called, making your head snap up. You wiggled your nose, the familiar timbre of your ex-boyfriend's voice ringing in your ears. "It's about time you got your ass down here". 

You snickered, shrugging your heavy bag off of your shoulder, and dropping it behind the counter, turning around and greeting him with an unamused smirk.

Jeremy and you had gone out for a few months last year, it was your first and, as of right now, the only short-term relationship that you'd had in college. 

Dating your co-worker, even in a relatively small place like the coffee shop on campus, almost always spelled trouble, but Jeremy was not the type to hold something like a failed relationship over your head. He understood that school was a priority for you and making a living for yourself came first, even above something like a relationship. It might not be the healthiest way to live, but it was how it always was. 

Jeremy and you had developed a fast friendship, one that went beyond the romantic relationship that you'd had last year. You parted amicably and now, you had someone you could confide in, someone you could trust. 

"Why don't you say that to my face?", you teased, raising a brow at him over the milk frother you were setting up. 

Jeremy threw his rag down and stalked over to you. "You're snippy this morning", he chided. 

You banged into his shoulder playfully, "Doesn't help that I have to see your ugly mug first thing in the morning". 

You snorted out a laugh and Jeremy looked at you, feigning defensiveness, "Ouch", he paused, returning back to his post near the coffee machine, "Remind me how we ever went out?". 

You scrunched your nose and threw your rag at Jeremy, hitting him square in the face with it, "That was rude". 

He shrugged his shoulder, "You started it".  

You both devolved into a fit of giggles and fell into a comfortable silence, setting up and getting the coffee shop ready for the day. You had a half-day shift to look forward to and then you had class until the late afternoon. The days were long and the nights were longer.

You usually found yourself nose-deep in your textbooks, more often than not, or some classic novel that was required for class, not moving from the couch until your eyes were red and you were seeing double. 

Only then did you retire to sleep, crashing hard until you had to wake up and do it all again the next day. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The coffee shop had been bustling with people since six in the morning, and at one in the afternoon, it hadn't let up, only now you had to go to class. Waving Jeremy goodbye, you sidestepped Tara, the fourth-year who was covering the rest of the afternoon and closing shift. 

You'd crossed the far side of campus, passing by the science building and one of the massive libraries that had acted like a second home to you back when you’d been studying for exams when you were a freshman. You could thank your obnoxious roommates for that one. 

Entering the lecture hall, bodies pressed into you as you weaved through the growing crowd, trying to find a spot in the middle where you could see and hear your English professor. But also blend in with the masses. As if the universe had other plans in mind, and everyone suddenly showed up to the Tuesday lecture all at the same time, you found yourself picking a seat near the front, an exasperated groan leaving you. 

You hated sitting at the front, not because you didn't want to get called on to answer something or because you didn't know the answers, but because you did. You wanted to get through your four years as quickly and unscathed as possible and if people knew, mainly professors, that you knew more about the subject matter than you needed to, you'd surely get called on more often, making you stick out in ways you didn't want. 

It was a terrible curse, going through life with the self-esteem that you did. But it was how you were raised. Blend in. Don't be too loud. Be quiet and only observe. Nerves rapped at your insides when you thought about getting called on when class started. Your heart rate ticked up and you found that your hands were beginning to get clammy, your throat constricting with each breath.

You rubbed your hands up and down your thighs, grounding yourself with the sensation of the material. 

With a jump, you sat up straighter in your seat, being jostled from your thoughts by a loud slam. You snapped your head toward the entrance, eying the person who had startled everyone. It was a man carrying a briefcase.

Your lips tilted up at the edges, amusement tickling you when you thought of anyone using a briefcase nowadays. But here this man was, head down as he made his way to the front of the room, toward the desk. 

You couldn't help keeping your eyes trained on him. On how his slacks tightened around his butt, moulding to the shape and curve of it. You bit your bottom lip out of reflex, your eyes dragging down the length of the mystery man who had crashed your lecture. Maybe he was a TA? Your brows furrowed when you thought about how your professor was nowhere in sight. 

The man with the briefcase placed his case on the desk, turning to face the audience of students who blinked back at him, who now settled down enough to hear him speak. Air caught in your throat when his eyes flicked momentarily to you, and lingered on you for half a second longer than you'd expected. He had massive, warm brown eyes, and soft wrinkles that danced at the edges of his eyes when he smiled, making him seem more boyish than he appeared.

He looked older than a TA would but then again, who were you to judge someone's position in life? You thought that his age did nothing to undermine just how attractive he was, if anything it added to it.  

The man, who may or may not have been moonlighting as your English TA cleared his throat, nodding his head, "My name is Joel, well, Professor Miller to most, but 've always been a little bit more informal than my peers". 

He began to circle the wooden desk nervously, his large hand finding the edge of it and stroking it far more sensually than necessary. You flexed your fingers, gripping the arm of your seat to stabilize yourself. "So, you can call me Joel from here on out... since we'll be seeing more of each other from now on". 

Murmurs began to break out around the lecture hall, and confused and hushed whispers followed. 

Professor Miller— Joel, mumbled something incoherent, and you were unable to hear it from where you sat. He cleared his throat again, "Professor McCarthy has taken a leave of absence, so I'll be filling in for him for the remainder of the semester". 

You crossed your legs, feeling heat rise and a furious blush break out across your face, and shuffled in your seat, a loud creak emitted from it and you stilled, praying that the loud sound had only been heard by you and no one else. But when you lifted your gaze, Joel's eyes were already locked on you, blown and brimming with cautious inquiry. A touch of a smirk graced his lips. 

"And I look forward to getting to know each and every one of you, personally". His eyes were still on you, not ready to release you from their hold. 

His tongue darted out to wet his lips and you couldn't help but stare. You had every reason to look away from him, he was your professor and given the clear age difference, he was someone who was off limits. But when he didn't look away from you either, trapping you with his gaze, your face heated up, suddenly aware that he was purposely staring at you. 

You swallowed thickly, heart hammering as Joel's eyes finally drifted away from you and back to the faces of your classmates. He continued on with addressing the class, and you noticed that he avoided your eyes for the rest of the lecture. 

Only one thought rang through your mind as you tried and failed to focus back on the lecture. This was going to be one long semester. 

[dead-boys-club]

†  birds of a feather : hawks.

❥ scenario: hawks and his winged s/o ❥ no triggers; not rated. ❥ i don't have any beta readers - you get what you get. ❥ requested! it's late - i am sorry, i'm a mess. ❥ for the sake of writing, the s/o's wings are black.

keigo having a partner that has wings is going to garner so many terrible jokes, let me just get that out of the way. in all honesty, he would be over the moon about it.

he would be fascinated, always. he likes his own wings but compared to yours? he's always full of compliments about their size and color, the way they shine in the moonlight. he would have some sense of familiarity with you, being so similar to you in ways that would be impossible with someone else. the first time he saw you, he was just.. stunned. training with you is one of his most favorite things, wanting to see just how you could use them.

this may or may not come as a surprise, but he would like the idea of having an s/o who was so capable. unlike most, he'd have no issue with someone surpassing him - he'd actually find it pretty attractive. knowing that you were fully able to handle yourself, he would have no trouble leaving when he needed to. of course, the usual safety concerns would pop into his head but he couldn't do anything about those, could he?

keigo enjoys deeply intimate moments with you. your having wings would include grooming - he's very meticulous with wing care, for both of you. he'd like helping you keep them and take the opportunity to pet over the soft feathers, grinning to himself at how it would make you shiver and squirm. it would be a very soothing process for him, a mutual way of taking care of each other that he never had before.

the rivalry would never end, though playful. both of you would trade jokes, teasing comments, etc. the amount of races you'd have were endless. most of them ending in a park or a rooftop, laughing, and pretending to be normal. like you didn't have to wake up in the morning and go risk your lives for something.

your wings would be his absolute favorite thing in the world. and, he wouldn't hesitate to say that.

✧*̥˚ nickname *̥˚✧

as the day finally came to an end, keigo was content to make it back to the apartment, wanting nothing but to unwind with you. he was greeted by the sight of you laying half in the living room, half on the balcony, wings spread out as far as you could manage, enjoying the warmth of the sun on them. it was a sight that made him pause, taking you in for a moment but your senses were just as sensitive as his own.

'evening, pretty bird,' you greeted, not even bothering to open your eyes.

he chuckled, making his way over to peer down at you, head tilted. 'hey yourself, big bird,' he mused.

raising a hand up for him to take, which he did without thought, you sat up with a small laugh. '"big bird"? that's new.'

keigo crouched down, leaning to peck your lips before straightening again. 'I think it's only fair you have a nickname, too, don't you think?' chuckling when you pulled at his shirt to get him to sit back down. he complied with ease, settling on the floor with a deep sigh, shrugging off his jacket. 'it's not as sweet, is that the problem?'

you laughed, a light sound, clearly amused with his new title for you. 'I mean, i can't argue with you on that.. but big bird? i'm not even yellow.'

watching as you moved around to crawl closer, practically falling and melting into him, he let his arms settle around your frame. 'it suits you. you've got these.. big, beautiful wings that i can't help but admire and adore.'

you couldn't do anything but shake your head, headbutting his shoulder. 'you're so weird but, if it makes you happy, i don't mind.' smiling, you looked up at him. 'it's kind of cute. i guess you can use it.'

sinking back to lay on the floor, he let his own swings spread out, taking a deep breathe. he was comfortable like that, your weight and warmth soothing the stress of the day. 'oh, i intend to. my adorable big bird.' you both knew if it was an actual problem, he would stop but he saw the smiles and flutters, knowing you enjoyed it. you were too honest to let him use something you didn't like.

your wings rested above his own, nosing into his shoulder. 'mhm, pretty bird.'

✧*̥˚ safety *̥˚✧

on a more serious note, keigo would find comfort in your wings. he's so used to his own keeping others safe that he never expected to be the one being kept safe. being wrapped up in them something new to him though deeply satisfying, letting himself sink into your embrace. you knew when he needed the comfort and provided without a word, something he would appreciate more than you knew.

keigo knows that he's allowed to be vulnerable in your hold and that's the only place he does so. he doesn't have to put on a brave face or hide how he feels about something. he can be himself and relax with you. he doesn't have to have his guard up.

the emotional bond shared between you would be something he cherished, knowing that you would be there to protect and comfort him, the same way he was for you. he often finds himself lost in thought over his luck in finding you; someone who understands him so well.

✧*̥˚ another little thing *̥˚✧

it was a rough night for keigo, the weight of the days events feeling like a cinderblock on his chest. the normal distractions to keep the gross feelings and threat of anxiety away hadn't helped, leaving him restless. he tossed and turned, eyebrows pinched as he couldn't seem to rid himself of the thoughts.

it didn't take you long to feel the movements or sense the distress beside you, a concerned frown forming as you blinked your eyes open, trying to clear your vision. 'kei?' you asked softly, reaching to lightly place your hand atop his head. 'you okay?'

most of the time, your touch, even your voice, would have done something to soothe the nerves but nothing. 'a lot on my mind,' he mumbled, sighing deeply. 'don't know why, but i can't seem to shake it tonight.'

you didn't need to say anything, knew it was probably best, and just turned to shift closer to him, spreading your wing to gently wrap around him. he didn't hesitate to turn and hide his face against your neck, sinking into the warm cocoon you created. the soft feathers against his skin and brushing against his own brought a sense of calm to settle over him. it wasn't completely taking everything away but it was doing more than anything else.

'thank you.' his voice was barely even a whisper, gradually starting to relax as he did his best to overlap and replace thoughts. your warmth earned a sigh.

holding him close, you flexed your wing against him, just wanting to hide him away from the world. 'you know i'm always here for you,' you whispered, a hand coming up to sink through his hair, 'anything you need.'

finally, he closed his eyes, even squeezing them shut for a second. he was soothed under the gentle strokes to his hair, the ghost of a smile forming when he felt the movement slowing, a sign that you were beginning to doze back off. it was okay though. he felt safe, protected from the nonsense and above all else, loved. he knew he'd struggle but at least he had you.

'grateful for that,' he answered, 'for you.'

you smiled, barely awake at that point, tipping your head enough to nose against his own, basically cradling him to your frame. 'whenever you need me, pretty bird.. i'll be right here..' you mumbled, slurring slightly, yawning against the blond locks.

wrapped up in the safety net of your wings, keigo let himself begin to drift off. the dark night began to fade into one of peace. it wasn't long before you were both asleep, wound up in each other.

[have-you-seen-my-sanity]

Any chance we could get a yandere Poe Dameron comeback? 😈

Somehow he has returned :o

The fire inside, the beauty outside

Yandere!Poe Dameron x f!reader

Cw/triggers: Nsfw, Poe is lowkey creepy, dirty thoughts, masturbation(m!).

Poe recently heard about new recruits for the Resistance. Knowing his luck, Leia most probably would assign him to welcome them and give them a proper start.

The day the corvette with the recruits arrived, he got himself ready, reminding everyone of the new members.

You were amongst them, stepping out to join the others as Leia and Poe approached.

Leia smiled sweetly as she stopped infront of you all.

"Welcome to the Resistance everybody," she gestured towards Poe, "this is commander Dameron, our top pilot and the one who will make sure you have a great start."

You could feel the nervous swallowings of the others around you.

Poe looked at each one of you, but his eyes lingered on you for a second longer.

As Poe started speaking, explaining how everything will work, you listened intently while Poe caught your gaze more often than with any of the others.

When the introduction was finished, all of you were assigned to do some small work in the maintenance bay, with Poe's eyes fixated on you whenever he could, even sneaking glanced at you when he's talking to someone.

Poe couldn't explain how and why you specifically. Did he care? Not so much.

He looked around, seeing the others deepened in their work, then his curious gaze set on you working on a droid.

"Hey there, doing alright?" he stepped beside you, watching your fingers work on the dismantled protocol droid.

You smiled proudly. "Yes, I'm trying to fix his arm and it's giving me problems with the wires though."

"Want me to help you?" Poe offered with a friendly smile.

Accepting with a nod, you stepped more to the side, allowing Poe to help you, fumbling with the same arm as you did, occasionally brushing his fingers against yours, sending sparks through him, some even wandering downwards, with his heart fluttering.

Poe's breath quickened, he felt the heat rise up from the blood that's starting to flow downwards.

He tried to ignore all the things going on inside of him, wanting to genuinely help you but it was difficult with the bloodrush in his groin distracting him.

But despite all the distraction, Poe managed to help you with the wires. Thank the stars he was wearing his orange suit, otherwise his tight pants would threaten to bust open.

"You think you come along alone? I've got a meeting coming up shortly." He excused himself.

You look back at him, smiling. "Of course, thanks for the help."

With a quick reassuring smile, Poe swiftly made his way out of the maintenance bay, heading to a quiet spot inside the base so he could be undisturbed.

Once there, he pressed himself against the wall, trying to calm himself down even with his big problem inside his suit.

"Fuck, what's wrong with me?" He muttered, he couldn't bear the urge any longer, palming himself with one hand, unzipping his suit with the other.

The smile you gave him was almost too much for him.

Reaching inside his straining boxers and pulling his throbbing length out, he looked around one last time, then gave himself a slow, teasing stroke, slumping back against the wall.

With a groan he started stroking himself faster while his thoughts unintentionally went back to you, your beautiful face, your smile, your everything.

And your hands while fixing that droid? It drove him freaking mad with pleasure, imagining them moving somewhere else instead...

Slowing his handiwork down to edge and tease himself even further, Poe didn't want it to end, fucking his fist, thinking about you, wanting you - no, needing you!

Poe was a panting and hip-shuddering mess, having to support himself on the wall with his arm, squeezing the girth in his hand, imagining what it would feel like to bury himself to the hilt inside you. You, being a moaning mess underneath him.

He wished he could go down on you, ripping orgasm after orgasm out of you until you have to beg him to stop due to overstimulation.

Poe was already about to drop off the edge, he was so close.

With the last pump of his hand, he spilled himself on the wall. Exhausted, he leaned his sweaty forehead on his arm, subconsciously watching his cum flow down the wall.

Once he catched himself, he tucked his softened cock back into his boxers, then zipped up his suit, and adjusting its collar.

When Poe returned back to the maintenance bay, he saw Leia along with C-3PO speaking to you and the rest of the group.

Leia had already dismissed you and the others as Poe stepped beside her.

She raised an eyebrow at his sudden appearance out of nowhere.

"Poe, where were you?"

"I had to respond to an emergency with BB-8." he blurted out in fast thinking

"I'm glad you're here now though. They're all going to join us, for now I've given them free time to adjust. I'm giving you the same 'cause I think it was a hard day for you with them."

A hard day for Poe indeed.

"Yeah it was," Poe nodded, feigning exhaustion, "but I'm glad they're going to join us." he drawled.

Poe was looking forward to it. Specifically to you.

After he got dismissed, Poe went inside his quarters, trying to get a hold of himself but failed miserably. His mind was still clouded with you, only you.

Just a few minutes after, Poe felt increasingly restless, he wanted to see you again. So he got up, deciding to give you a friendly visit.

After a quick check, he now knows where your quarters are. Once there he knocked softly on the door, already having an excuse thought up.

Hearing no response, only silence, Poe made a bold move, pressing the button to silently slide your door open.

Poe's eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness in your place. You were already in your bed in a deep sleep.

Admiring your sleeping form, Poe silently stalked towards you, then kneeled down at your bedside.

By the stars you are so beautiful.

Poe reached out, gently tracing his knuckles along your cheek as you let out a sleepy sound.

He smiled, wanting nothing more than to climb into your bed and trap you in his arms.

Poe leaned down until he was close to your ear then whispered lowly.

"Baby you will love it here. I'll take such good care of you..."

------------------------------

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[thevanillerose]

SCORCHED | YANDERE!TODOROKI x READER | MY HERO ACADEMIA

~ WRITING COMMISSIONS ~ ~ PATREON ~ ~ KO-FI ~

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything except my own writing. All properties belong to their respective creators.

Stumbling. Collapsing. Staggering.

You were like a broken marionette, desperately scrambling to free yourself from the gargantuan flaming pyre which had once been your apartment building.

The events leading up to this moment were as hazy as the acrid fog of blackened smoke that hovered around you. Questions swirled like embers in the wind.  

Who lay at the root of all of this? Even you yourself would have struggled to believe it.

Todoroki. Todoroki Shoto. He was a boy of extremes you could say, but well enough liked by the students of U.A. High School. You had certainly liked him a lot, seeing past his cold, aloof nature, and always assuming there was something more that lay beneath it.  

In the end, you were right to feel that way. He really was a very complex guy.

In fact...he was far more complex than you had ever imagined.

Forget his past. Forget what he had gone through, and what he so often kept sealed away inside of himself. Forget his left side, and the history behind it.

For you...you were what truly became his vulnerability. Despite his best efforts, he simply couldn't resist you.  

Face. Voice. Manner. Was it possible for so many things about a single human being to be so flawless? Every time he laid eyes upon you, he yearned for you to be beside him.  

There was just one very big problem, besides his often unapproachable manner. A thorn in his side that was just determined to stick, and even more bitterly, was a 'friend'.

Midoriya asked you out. Midoriya.

 That wide-eyed fool who was less of a man and more of a child. Someone who wept and sniffled the moment anything got tragic, and yet he pretended to be tough. That was what Todoroki saw at least. A pathetic farce, put on to win your affections.

 The worst part? It had actually worked. When Todoroki initially heard that the green-haired imbecile had asked you out, he made the assumption that you would probably say no to him. No, he actually assumed it was definite. Yet...to his complete and utter surprise, you said yes.  

 Just like that, his chances had been shattered. True, Todoroki had never so much as revealed a centimeter of his feelings for you, but he always felt like you would wait until he was ready. When the time was right, you'd finally be together. So why...why would you do this?

 Why!? How could you!?

 It drove him mad trying to figure it out, and in the end...he snapped.

 It was a simple way to put it, but it also summed it up aptly. The last of his sanity slipped away thanks to a singular trigger, and of course, Midoriya was the one at the root of it.

 Was it creepy that the dual-haired boy was creeping outside the window of your apartment like some sort of red streaked spider? Yeah. Maybe. Was it bizarre that he chose to observe you both silently through the glass, ducking away whenever you happened to turn your heads? Sure.

 Still, in his messed up mind it was a necessity. How else, after all, was he supposed to keep a close eye on you and make sure things never went past hand-holding with this bastard?

 How else was he supposed to...scope things out?

 “Thanks for spending time with me today. I had a lot of fun, even if we just watched some movies.” you reached out and gave Midoriya's bouncy emerald hair a nice big ruffle. It was a habit you'd picked up, and it always made him blush. Whenever you saw his cheeks redden, you only fell that little bit more in love with him.

 “Yeah it was fun! Thanks, [Y/N].”

 Sure, at the start you had been in two minds. You still felt something for Todoroki, and that hadn't changed even now. Yet Midoriya had proven to just be the right one for you. He was so much kinder and funnier than you had ever imagined in the first place, and you could always feel your spirits lifting when you were around him.

 Simply put, things had changed. You'd fallen in love with him, and in turn, your attachment to Todoroki had swiftly faded.

 Yet as your affections drifted out of sight, something lit up within the darkness.

 Everything was fine up until that point. Initially you and Midoriya were happily relaxing on the plush carpet in your bedroom, eating some snacks and finishing off the final movie you were marathoning for the night. It was so nice to just spend some casual time with him outside of classes and all of that fighting too.  

 Neither of you were aware of what was about to happen when you kissed each other and said goodbye for the night. It never occurred to you even once that, as you stood there in the open doorway and watched him go down the corridor to the elevator, this would be the very last time you ever saw him. When you laid down to take a nap, you happily imagined him toddling away home, probably to dream about you too.  

 It was what you believed. So it seemed to be just right.

 That was not reality though.

 In reality, his charred cadaver was left jammed halfway through the doors, keeping the elevator from descending. Todoroki made sure to leave him there, so that not even in death he'd find any peace. After all, it had to be pretty bothersome, being repeatedly chewed on by a lift.

 Then there was the stairwell. Blocking the door was a given. Windows weren't much of an option anyway.

 Todoroki figured, that the only way to truly expel the rage he felt after watching you two kiss one another, was to burn this whole damn building to the ground. That included all the people inside of it, so he'd ensured that all the exits were turned to ash first and foremost.

 This was his revenge. If other people got caught up in it, that wasn't his problem. If you got caught up in it...well...

 He'd just have to make damn well sure that didn't happen. Everything would fall into place, he was certain.

 The only pity was that when the apartment building went up in amber and red, you had no means of seeing Midoriya's body. Todoroki had kind of been hoping you'd come across it first before realizing you were trapped, and that your sorrow would only increase grandly because of it. Alas...

 Instead, you couldn't even leave your own room. Everything caught fire so fast that you couldn't even touch your door handle, instead recoiling as the burning heat stung you.  

 “Shit! I can't believe this is happening!”

 You'd woken up to the sound of a blaring alarm, then nothing but the crackling of fire and the billowing sound of smoke as that too had ended up being melted and ultimately destroyed. The devastation was immeasurable, but you couldn't even pity others when you were literally on the verge of dying yourself.

 Climbing up onto your bed, you pressed your back firmly into the corner of the wall and huddled up desperately. You continued to hold yourself, blocking everything out, and thinking only of Midoriya.

Midoriya...Midoriya help me! Save me! Please!!

 “M...Midoriya...Midoriya help me...help me...” you even stuttered out, expecting no answer.

 Yet...you got one.

 “'Midoriya, ohh Midoriya, help me!'...Get a hold of yourself, [Y/N].”

 A taunting imitation. Slowly, you pulled your face out from behind your knees, raising your tear-stained visage so you could look up.

 “Seriously. You aren't calling anyone, and you're hiding on top of a wooden bed with flammable fabric, not even bothering to get any oxygen. Fire safety 101. Are you insane?”

 His voice didn't seem real, nor did his face. You were near delirious, not just with the smoke, but with the shock of it all. He was a blur of red, white and blue.

 “You're lucky I came by when I did...you're especially lucky that you're not already dead.”

 Todoroki gazed down at you, standing on the bed and staring right into the corner where you sat. It really was a miracle in some ways, though he had of course never intended to let you fry up like the rest of these pointless people. No...you were the only one among them who he would save. Firefighters didn't get to be choosy, but he did.

 You were the only one who was worth anything to him now.

 Plus things had worked out sweetly enough. You may not have seen Midoriya reduced to a lump of coal, but he could weave his absence into this faux storyline he was creating nonetheless.  

 “If only Midoriya had actually come. With all that begging, and knowing you were here, I wonder why he didn't...”

 Todoroki trailed off for a moment, and slowly, creepily, tilted his head to the side. His eyes went a little wider, pupils shrinking. The fire raged on in the hallway, creating an ambient crackling.

 “I mean, he should have, if he truly loved you, right? Maybe he didn't though. Maybe he just wanted you out of the way so he could find someone else--”

 “That's not true! You must have--” you managed to blurt out, trying to push him back. You barely graced his ankle before your body sank back against the corner again, eyes fluttering and showing the whites. Todoroki dropped to a crouch before you, remaining on his haunches and eyeing you up and down with an ever calm expression.

 “...You must have...done this...”

 Todoroki merely tutted. Of course you jumped to conclusions, but that wasn't an issue for him. He'd deal with those assumptions in due course...once this little introduction to your new life together was concluded.

 It would end in one of two ways. Either you'd willingly go with him, and he'd save you. Or, you'd push yourself away, try to get out or find your beloved, and he'd still do the same.  

 After all, he'd gone to the effort of making sure you had nowhere to go, nothing else, nobody to turn to, and no other choices. All of it had gone up in flames, and you were all that remained in this former haven, a place you'd so lovingly shared with Midoriya every evening. It would be a shame not to salvage you...

 “It's not going to be long before the flames burn down your door. You're already on the verge of passing out, do you really think you can survive for much longer?”

 Truly, your vision was blotted. You sank lower and lower, feeling like you might keel over and fall off the bed entirely, until it actually happened.

 The sheets slipped away, your carpet saying hello instead. But your hand shot out to stop the fall at the last second, nails digging desperately into the fibers.

I wake up to my entire apartment building on fire...and the only person who shows up, is Todoroki.

That's not a good coincidence.

 Adrenaline surged through your body all of a sudden, and you thrust yourself up off the ground, making a straight beeline for the door. Todoroki's power would match perfectly with what had happened here, and you didn't want to stick around for what else he had planned. Why he had it planned in the first place, you didn't know. You just knew that you had to get away from him.

 “[Y/N]! You're going to die if you go out there!”

 You only believed him once you actually did. Ignoring the searing pain in your hand after opening the handle, you burst out into the corridor, which was a mess of tumbling charred wood and spitting flames. Gagging on the strong stench of pure smoke, you had to push yourself onwards.

Todoroki has changed sides, and he's coming after all his friends! Right!? That explains everything, doesn't it!?

 Why else? Yes indeed...the thought that it might have stemmed from jealousy never occurred to you. It seemed too far-fetched, since your love for him had always seemed so one-sided.

 Whether this fire had been deliberate or not, you had to get out of here regardless. You only hoped that Midoriya was okay. That he'd escaped from here in time. When had this even started happening!? As soon as you'd fallen asleep!?

 Maybe it had only been a short time. Maybe he was still in this tall building somewhere!

 “MIDORI--AH!” you cried out, or tried to at least. Yet your own choke cut yourself off, and that seemed to be the final gasp of energy within you. Your legs truly caved then, the burning floor rushing to slam against your spine as you fell backwards.

 Before you could collapse though, a pair of hands met your back and lifted you up. Up and up, saving you from the roaring rage that sought to consume you along with everyone and everything else. It was almost like you were ascending somewhere, being spirited away.

 That was when your face met his firm chest, his arms wrapping around you fully. Todoroki held you tightly to him, as if determined to never let you go. And by all means, he was.

 Todoroki 'saved you', never once revealing that it was he who was responsible for laying the embers in the first place.  

 This was to be your 'fresh start'. He'd disinfected the wound in your life, the horrible gash that not just Midoriya, but all those around you had left. Torching this entire complex had rid the world of many people who knew you, many people who were especially close to you.

 People who no longer served any purpose in Todoroki's opinion. Not when he was here for you instead now.

 Finally, the love between you could flourish...

 …

 Time passed...and you never went back to your old home.

 Instead, after allowing you to stay with him, Todoroki became your new roommate, your new neighbor...and your new lover.

 Going along with the notion that the apartment block had been destroyed by some kind of boiler malfunction, you started to become convinced. You started to believe, even when initially he seemed like the prime suspect. You started to blame Midoriya, assuming that he really had abandoned you and everyone else, since of course there was no trace of his body now.

 “It's like I said, [Y/N]. He didn't want to risk his own skin to save you. That's how much he really cared.”

Yes. He's absolutely right. You never did care...did you, Midoriya?

 In time, thoughts of the green-haired boy faded, and they were replaced with those of the one who had now become your lover. His scarred face, his white and scarlet locks, the slight smirks he would give you now and then. This was the person who you began to recognize as your one, true love.

 When he kissed you, it felt right.

 When he hugged you, it felt even better.

 When you connected intimately, his voice in your ear, hands on your body...he made you forget all about your former lover.

 To think. At one point in time you had assumed he was the one who had caused that disaster. Now though...you could no longer suspect him as a villain. Never.

 No...not Todoroki.

Because you loved him.  

You loved him. 

Like my writing? I can write for you! Check out my WRITING COMMISSIONS! [UNTIL 29/09/24, GET 20% OFF!]

[rpgchoices]

Dark Urge fixed some of the problems I had with act 3

This post has SPOILERS. BIG SPOILERS for both Baldur's Gate 3 and Dark Urge. If you check my tag dark urge I previously wrote an act 1 + act 2 summary of what to expect from it, without any spoilers. Without spoilers, very briefly: expect to have a past you cannot control (of course), your character will say some messed up stuff, you can give in the urges or resist but there are at least two scenes you have no control over, you do get loot for giving in the urges, the story has more mystery and lore, act 3 is the culmination of Dark Urge story too and you can have a happy ending.

Now with SPOILERS

I will go over the acts and write down what extra content happens when you compare Dark Urge to Tav, with BIG SPOILERS. If you want to see why I think Dark Urge is so much better for the story, skip everything and go directly to act 3. A general big change is that as Dark Urge you automatically get the "Baldurian" dialogue because you are from Baldur's Gate.

Act 1: In act 1 there is little Dark Urge content but an introduction. I kind of wish the game had just gone with DU (Dark Urge) instead of Tav directly, to hide the secret better, but I also like Tav a lot and I don't always want to play as an ex-murderer. Still, if you roleplay well the idea is that DU has these violent urges and think they are caused by the tadpole. So you will have to ask your companions about it, and the suspicion remains for half of act 1, at least until you give in the first obligatory urge. The narration oftens tells you that DU wants blood and carnage, wants to feel life slipping away and, well, wants to murder, and you can give in these urges (ex. attack people, bite someone's toe off, kill Gale?? or at least cut his hands) or avoid these urges. Everything else is exactly the same, a part from the fact that DU has a REASON for being on the Nautilus. While Tav is just one of the random people the Nautilus has taken, DU is the one who was put there on purpose.

There are two big events in act 1 and some smaller ones. You can kill a squirrel, but it did not trigger for me, so I don't think it is an obligatory event, but you will kill a bard. Alfira will come to your camp after you sleep a n amount of nights, and she will want to join your party. This happens even if you had not met Alfira in the game. During the night DU will brutally kill her and at this point you can hide the body, or confess your crimes, up to you how open with them. I always chose the option to confess. If you confess immediately you will have a group chat with your party and you can defend yourself (ex. I don't know how it happened but I must have been the one who killed her), or you can wash the blood and then volunteer the information the next morning when the body is found. There is actually a metagaming way to save Alfira… when you get the night scene, reload to the save before, go to Alfira, use the incapacitate instead of the killing option (in actions) and knock her out. Because she is knocked out, the next night a new bard NPC will come to your camp and will be murdered, but not Alfira.

After the murder you will meet the butler. It is immediately clear this is a magical being, and he knows you. He knows DU likes to kill, and he is surprised if DU refuses to give in the urges or even feels guilty for what he had done. You will also get an amazing cloak that turns a character invisible after a kill (it is great for Astarion's sneak attacks).

For the rest of act 1 there is little more content. You can talk minimally with your party about what happened or your urges, but that is it.

ACT 2: In the underdark and during the mountain pass there is no real content, but stuff starts happening at Moonrise Tower. You will meet characters who suddenly knows who you are. They are pretty cryptic about it, but they talk to you as if you were one of them who suddenly disappeared. It really feels like coming, well, almost home. Ketheric remembers you, even the jailer remembers you. There is also a cat in Moonrise Tower who is scared of you and if you talk with them DU WILL kill the cat, so be mindful to avoid talking with cats in the Tower. The skeleton dog from Ketheric room? He also remembers you and your smell.

When you put your hand in the cracks of the wall and hear the brain you will also get new and different dialogue.

After you meet Isobel, you will see your butler again and he tells you that to have a real gif this time you will have to kill Isobel. The quest will be there but you do not need to complete it. If you do not complete it, the butler will come back at night after the Moonrise Tower fight. This is where he asks you to kill your lover (in my case it was Astarion). He tries to convince you and if you say no, this is also where you find out that you cannot really control the urge - you will have to pass a wisdom check to take enough control to wake up your lover and tell them what is happening. At this point, they will tie you up because you are not in control anymore. You can pass 3 wisdom checks to try and thank them, or you can give in the urge but it does not look like there is any difference here but dialogue. The next morning you will have an extra talk with your lover and the party as well.

At this point it looks like the butler abandoned you because you failed your Dark Urge quest.

Another small thing, while under Moonrise Tower you can explore a bit and you will find one of the pod that smells like your blood and other small traces and hints to the fact that someone wanted to get rid of you and that is why you ended up on the nautilus.

Act 3: Act 3 is where most of the stuff gets resolved and things really come together. Orin targets you because you are family, you are her brother. She hates you because you were the Bhaal chosen one. My favourite part is that this really explains why the Chosen three's plan is failing. You were supposed to be Bhaal's chosen, not Orin. Multiple characters (Gortash and Sarevok) comments on how you were such a better Chosen because Orin is fickle, that is why she turns against Gortash. Gortash and Orin against each other always confused me during my Tav game, mainly because it felt so unexplained - like, they were so close to their goal, why is everything crumbling? Because she was never supposed to assume that role. She grew jealous of DU, chosen of Bhaal, and got rid of him by inserting the tadpole in his brain and discarding him.

When you talk with Gortash you also gets even more insight. It is clear that Gortash likes you, that is why is asking for an alliance. Not to a random adventurer called Tav, but to his old ally and friend. You and Gortash basically devised the whole plan, YOU took the crown, you were a fundamental part of it. And suddenly you stopping it (or taking control of the brain) for me had so much more meaning. While playing Tav I always wondered why is Tav even in charge, but when I played DU it really seemed like this was THEIR mess to fix. The confrontation at the temple of Bhaal is the end of the DU storyline which also wraps up why Withers was even with you.

You confront Orin and after you kill her you will meet your father Bhaal, who will ask you to become his chosen again. You can agree, and then at the end you will be able to claim the brain in Bhaal's name. But if you refuse, and give in the guilt for having murdered so many people (before your amnesia), Bhaal will take back his blood and leave you dead on the ground. At this point Withers will come in (and we know Withers is Jergal, the god of death before the Three) and will revive you. You will be born anew, your past is lost because the urge in you had been taken away but the memories with it. You can ask him about those memories too and he says that he can show you the names of your victims if you so desire. You are also a blank slate, a new person born from what you have learnt in your journey instead of your past. So yeah, you can have a good hopeful ending.

More importantly, this fell so well in the themes of BG3 especially the ones of being born again, changing and gods fighting for their chosen. Like Selune and Shar were fighting for Shadowheart, your character was also in the middle of a play of gods. Given Withers was with you since the start, it really feels like he was aiding you not at random, but because you were an escaped chosen one who could be stolen from Bhaal. And being born again and getting rid of your master/tormentor/powerful god/dictator fits so well. ALL your origin companions are in a certain measure subjected to absence of freedom or imbalance of power.

(Also before the Bhaal mission, but after the lover's personal quest you will have the option to break up with them and worry about the danger of killing them, which gives you an extra cute scene).

After the Bhaal mission there is no more content for DU and everything else seemed the same!

[captain-mj]

Hey you mentioned Alejandro is potentially like Ghost in the monster handler AU? Is he?? I have to know

I have taken your femur again

....so glad someone picked up on that

Rodolfo knew something was wrong. Alejandro had volunteered for... they said trials. Something about it sounded off. They claimed it was new equipment, but if it was new equipment, why did all of the men have the exact same build? All from different departments? It couldn't be gear, because they'd need different body types to see if there were any problems. Couldn't be weapons because none of the men shared expertise and who needs ten men to try out a weapon?

And no one would explain why two months had passed with zero word on anything. He wasn't the only one concerned either. Valeria had started talking with him more, saying she was glad they turned her down. Several of the soldiers from other troops had begun to talk. Something was deeply, deeply wrong here.

Rodolfo, Valeria and Alejandro were privates. They had no power, no ability to do much of anything besides wait.

Then, Alejandro was back. Alejandro and one of the others. Two out of ten, with no explanation other than they died in a tragic accident.

"What kind of accident happens when trying out equipment?" A friend of a dead man spat at Alejandro.

Alejandro didn't talk about it. "Ask one of the corporals. Maybe they'll have an answer." And that was that. Valeria and Rodolfo asked of course. If Rudy was honest, sometimes it bordered on begging, because come on. Two months? And for what?

Alejandro just shrugged when asked what the gear was. He brushed off any questions about why he had two twins scars on each wrist, biting into the place where the bones met. Completely ignored any attempts from anyone. Even Rodolfo.

It stung. A lot. But Rodolfo decided whatever happened, as awful as it was, and it had to be awful, why else would Alejandro have that vacant look when it got brought up? But whatever it was, wasn't as important. Alejandro acted more and more like himself by the day.

Rodolfo caught him sneaking out of the barracks one night. Alejandro hadn't been sleeping well, Rudy could see the dark circles under his eyes. So he followed him, noticing they were going to the gym.

There was an athletic bar in the gym that almost no one used. It just didn't really make sense for them outside of balance training and walking on high beams wasn't a high priority for most of the men. Alejandro... perched. That was the only way to describe it. He perched on it. It looked unnatural. Alejandro was a big man, bigger than Rodolfo at least, but he looked too large, balancing perfectly. The room was too dark to make out anything more than a vague shape and he decided that's why it looked odd, no other reason.

"Ale?" Rudy called, taking a step closer.

His eyes reflected the light, glowing so bright in the darkness of the room. "Rudy. You should go back to bed."

Rodolfo didn't move at first, but slowly started getting closer. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and his palms started to get sweaty, but this was Alejandro. He was his best friend and he wasn't going to be scared off by some trick of the light.

"Saw you leaving." As he got closer, it became more and more obvious that Alejandro's silhouette was not distorted by the dark. It was just wrong. Something stretched out of him and into the dark. Alejandro tilted his head back before laying back on the athletic bar, the shadows following him and hitting the ground. Rodolfo heard the thump of it.

"Rudy." Alejandro's voice echoed unnaturally and Rodolfo had no other comparison than to a siren. "You really should leave."

"They did something. What did they do, Alejandro?" He picked his way across the floor until he was within reach.

"Go back to bed."

"No. Talk to me. What ha-" The lights flicked on. Something must've triggered them.

Alejandro had... wings. Large ones. They were a gorgeous green color before fading into a soft red towards where his was. He had tufts of red feathers in his hair that flared up in irritation at the lights. His hands had the same coloring, but sharp nails. He groaned softly. "Turn them off please."

Rodolfo stared for another moment, taking him in before doing so. Alejandro sounded a bit too distressed for him to be willing to wait. "Alejandro."

"They were trials. That's for certain. When they brought out the shots, I thought they were vaccines. Not unusual ya know?"

Rodolfo started to feel sick. "They told you, right?"

Alejandro didn't respond.

"What happened? All of it."

"They weren't vaccines. I don't... I don't know much, mijo. I do not know..."

"How... What..." Rodolfo had so many questions he didn't know where to start.

"Don't know. They kept me under a lot. Claimed it was a mercy. I think they were right. Being awake was like being in hell. I woke up and looked normal."

"The others...."

"Four of them died."

"The other four?"

Alejandro didn't answer for a few minutes. He reached over and grabbed Rodolfo's face, slowly hiding his own face in his shoulder. "Two of them were unresponsive. They gave them plenty of time, but they just never woke up. Eventually they put them out of their misery. One of them was.... I don't know. They said defective. They killed him too."

Rodolfo gave him a few minutes before Alejandro pulled away, staring into him. He had no doubts that despite how dark it was, Alejandro could see very detail of his face. His eyes still glowed.

"The last one attacked a guard. I had half a mind to help him. They just shot him. Didn't even care who he was."

"But you're okay." Rodolfo said softly. "You're here and you're... you're okay."

"Yes... I'm here. It's not just us." Alejandro whispered it, glancing around like they were being listened to. "They spoke in English to someone. It's not just the Mexican army."

Rodolfo nodded. "Okay... This..."

"Controllable. Don't worry. I just... My form is kinda nice. Even if I am rainbow." Alejandro sounded more upset about the coloring of his wings rather than the fact he had them. Rodolfo knew this was probably just how he was coping, but Jesus.

"Right. Right." He reached up, touching the head feathers. They were soft and when they stood up, they looked like a crown. Rodolfo admitted they were rather pretty, from what he could see that is. "What do you need?"

"For now? Nothing. Though, I may need your help lately." Alejandro let Rodolfo touch him, relaxing into it. "And the lights needs to stay off. Not quite used to them yet."

"Yes, sir." Rodolfo teased, though he was still a bit shaken. Right now, he'd follow Alejandro's lead and ignore the... insanity of the situation. His friend needed help. Rodolfo sat with him a while and Alejandro showed off. He was faster and thanks to the shadows, he looked more like a blur than anything.

Rodolfo got barreled into at one point but Alejandro made sure he didn't hit the ground. He held them both up with one arm while the other held Rudy close.

It was too intimate. It made Rudy's brain stop working. He didn't see Alejandro move, but he didn't feel like he moved himself either. They kissed for just a moment and then the lights came on.

Alejandro changed quickly. It was like candle wax. The wings, the claws, the feathers, the weird bulk that didn't make sense all melted away. But it gave Rudy just enough time to see his eyes. Big and dark. Hypnotizing.

Alejandro stood up and pulled him up with him. "Let's talk more later. I think 5 am just hit. People will be getting up."

~~~~~~~

Taglist: @nalawayward @joltom @azure-winter-crow @korym @cod-hyperfixation @thychuvaluswife @revenge-of-the-bucket-demon

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Gift of my dreams

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 2K

SUMMARY | You recently moved into your own apartment, and your old mixer finally stopped working after years of great work. Bucky takes this perfect opportunity to get you the mixer you've always dreamed of having, so you can continue making his sweet treats.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Established relationship [ boy- & girlfriend ], implied shower sex.

A/N | This one shot takes place in the same 'universe' as Bucky's Sweet Treats Part I and Part II (NSFW). You don't need to have read those to understand this, but it would still be appreciated if you check it out in case you haven't already 🖤

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

It was a cozy winter evening when you were sitting on your couch with Bucky, enjoying the cake you had baked earlier that day. You tried a new recipe, and that meant the both of you would take this opportunity to enjoy a nice evening in your new apartment watching movies or series you were following together. As of right now, the two of you were catching up on the latest season of The Witcher with a big piece of the triple chocolate cake you baked. ''Oh my god, doll, I didn't think it was possible but I officially found my new favorite cake of yours!'' he said, his mouth still stuffed with cake, and it made you feel really good. ''Thanks, I'm going to make this more often, it's delicious!'' you said as you finished your plate.

You always gave Bucky a bigger piece than yourself, knowing he needs to eat more with his fast metabolism, and he was not one to complain about it. ''Doll, your birthday is coming up soon, right? Did you have any idea what you'd want? Besides me of course,'' he said with a wink and a soft kiss on your cheek. ''Not sure, since I recently moved in and bought most of the stuff I need already, I doubt there is anything else I want or need right now,'' you said as you shrugged. ''I have been thinking about upgrading my mixer one day, but as long as it still works I don't see the need to get another one,'' you said, watching the tv.

''Is there a specific one you had in mind if you would have to replace this one?'' he asked, making a mental note for himself that he could buy it for you if the moment ever arrived. ''I might go for the newer model of the one I have now, it always worked perfectly fine, I never had any problems with it,'' you said. ''Seems fair enough, but isn't there one you have always dreamed of though? You told me you've loved baking ever since you were a little girl, so there must be one that is the absolute dream right?'' he pushed further, he wanted to surprise you if the moment ever came where he could. ''Well, there is... But it's way too expensive in my opinion,'' you said, dismissing him. ''Well, if money wasn't an issue, which would you get?''

You thought about it a little while, of course, you always dreamed of it, but admitting it to someone would be different. ''Okay, I'll tell you... If money wouldn't have been an issue, I would love to get the KitchenAid Artisan, in their Imperial Red color,'' you said as you let out a sigh at the dream that would never come true. You've settled for mixers that were less expensive but still worked great, and they never let you down. Until a few months later, when your mixer broke a few weeks before your birthday. Bucky knew immediately what he would get you.

In the weeks leading up to your birthday, you were away on a mission, so Bucky had plenty of time to prepare for your surprise. He had been on the hunt for the mixer you'd been dreaming of, but more specifically in the color you wanted, which wasn't as easy as he thought at first. ''Steve, I'm going to need your help finding a perfect gift for Y/N, he said as he hoped maybe Steve would have more luck in his search. ''So, as you know Y/N's mixer broke a few weeks ago, and her birthday is coming up, so I was hoping to surprise her with her dream mixer,'' he said with a proud smile on his face. ''That sounds like the perfect plan!'' he agreed, and he would help with the search.

It was one day before your birthday and the boys were getting nervous, you came back from the mission one day ago and were too tired to care about your mixer, which was in Bucky's favor. It was the evening before your birthday and finally, he had found the exact model and color you were looking for, the only problem is that the store was almost about to close, and he had to hurry if he still wanted to be one time. For this one time, luck was on his side, and 5 minutes before closing time he arrived at the store. Only one problem however, he came on his bike, and the mixer is bigger than he anticipated, there was no way he could take this back on his bike.

He stood there for a good few minutes debating how he was going to take it home, without leaving his bike at the store, but eventually, he decided to call Steve so he could pick it up with a car. ''Hey man, I have to ask you a favor, but she can't know about it,'' he said the last part a little softer just in case you were with Steve, but you were completely knocked out on your bed, catching up on some much-needed sleep. ''Of course, what's up?'' Steve said, and Bucky explained the situation, but Steve couldn't help but stop laughing for a bit. This was typical for Bucky, it wasn't the first and not the last time he did something like this. ''I'll be there in 15,'' he said before hanging up and walking to his car.

In the meantime, Bucky was thinking about how to surprise you with it. He wanted to wrap it up with a beautiful bow on top, but he was nowhere skilled enough to do it himself - you were the one to usually do that after all. Finally, Steve arrived and as soon as he put the mixer in the trunk of the car he drove to your apartment, since Bucky was planning on putting it in your kitchen at the very least, so you would have a beautiful surprise. It's a good thing he was supposed to sleep at your place tonight too, so it wouldn't be suspicious if he was there without warning. Not too long after Bucky arrives, Steve is there too and he gets the mixer out of the back of the car.

After arriving at your door, Bucky opens it for Steve to walk into, and he walked straight to the kitchen. He's been there enough times to know where he needs to go, and he puts it on the counter. ''Do you happen to know how to tie bows?'' Bucky asked Steve, which earned him a little chuckle from the blond super soldier. ''Yeah, don't you?'', he said and he earned himself a pretty deadly glare, making him throw his hands up in the air. ''Sorry, sorry. I'll help you if you can find me a piece of ribbon that's long enough,'' he said and within 10 minutes, the new mixer was standing on your kitchen island with a big red bow tied on top of it. While they were admiring their work, you had gotten up and were on your way down.

''Buck?'' you called out, and the two super soldiers froze. ''Yeah doll, it's me, stay where you are so I can finally give you the kisses I've been missing out on when you were on your mission. ''Didn't we make up for that when I sucked you-'' was all you could manage before both Bucky and Steve walked into the living room, your mouth immediately snapping shut and your face turning bright red at the sight of Steve. ''Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here...'' you said extremely embarrassed. ''It's okay, just came over to wish you an early happy birthday, I wanted to be the first,'' he said in the hopes to keep you distracted long enough that you wouldn't go into the kitchen.

''Thanks! I'm excited about it actually, haven't looked forward to my birthday like this in a long time! I can't help but think what this one here got me,'' you said when you pointed to Bucky. ''He won't tell me and I want to know!'' you said with a pout, looking at Bucky. ''Keep that up and you will never know what you'll get, because you won't leave the bedroom!'' he said with a groan, and Steve took this as his cue to leave. ''Gonna leave now, see you tomorrow Y/N!'' he said before turning around, and within seconds Bucky had thrown you over his shoulder to haul you back upstairs. He was planning on taking you apart slowly the entire night, and he couldn't wait any longer.

By the time you woke up, Bucky had already gotten up to get your birthday breakfast ready, which contained french toast with extra cinnamon and a cup of your favorite tea. Simple, but it had always been your favorite. Bucky presented it on a tray with a single red rose in a long vase, making it a little more romantic. ''Good morning sleepyhead,'' he said when he walked in the door, and you were still sprawled out on the bed, completely naked and wearing a love-drunk look on your face. ''Mornin','' you said as you stretched, and Bucky almost dropped the tray he was holding just from the sight of you stretching like that. ''Happy birthday, doll,'' he said as you sat up against the headboard, so he could place the tray on your lap and lean in for a kiss.

''It is a very happy one indeed,'' you said with a smirk, thinking back to the way he made you fall apart over and over last night, himself right along with you. The two of you ate breakfast and enjoyed some light conversation as you enjoyed being in each other's company before getting up to shower, you could use one after the night you had. Bucky joined you and the two of you got a combined total of 3 orgasms out of each other before officially getting ready for the day. Bucky wore a casual outfit with ripped jeans, while you opted for a simple yet comfortable outfit today. ''Are you ready for your present?'' Bucky asked, and you nodded excitedly. ''When you get to the bottom of the stairs I want you to close your eyes, and I will guide you to the kitchen so you don't spoil your surprise,'' he said and you agreed, you trusted him with every fiber of your being.

Once you were at the bottom of the stairs you closed your eyes, and Bucky softly placed his hands on your hips while he walked behind you, guiding you with your back against his chest. He stopped when both of you were in front of the kitchen island, facing the mixer he bought. He walked around you so his back would shield it before he told you to open your eyes. ''Open them up, doll,'' he said and he saw you looking at him expectantly. ''First, I want to tell you how happy I am with you in my life doll, you gave me the life I never thought I could ever live after everything I did. I'm the luckiest man in this universe to have you by my side, and I love you so much,'' he said. ''Now, I wanted to tell you this before showing you what I got you because I doubt there will be much attention for me after you see what it is,'' he said with a laugh before kissing you passionately.

''I love you too, Bucky, now move because I can't take the suspension anymore!'' you said, pushing him out of the way, and as soon as your eyes saw the box you let out the loudest gasp Bucky had ever heard and tears were forming in your eyes. ''Oh my god, Bucky...'' you said before you walked over to the box. ''Happy birthday, doll,'' he said as he wrapped his arms around you from behind, you were completely absorbed by your present that you didn't notice him, but he didn't mind. The look on your face was priceless. The rest of the day both you and Bucky were in the kitchen baking, you had to give the mixer a try after all, and Bucky wasn't one to complain. He loved seeing you in your element, and right now you were practically glowing with excitement. Now he definitely couldn't wait to see your reaction when he proposes to you during dinner tonight.

[theflyindutchwoman]

Hello. In the post 'SEASON 06 | What we know so far - Chenford Edition' you mention LAPD Psychiatrist. Do you think, maybe this is a doctor for Tim? Can he seek help to get rid of his injuries and fears related to working undercover? Perhaps this is how the screenwriters see the solution to this problem. The problem itself will not go away, otherwise they will have to come up with a reason that will make Lucy give up what she has a talent for. Do you have any other ideas how this problem will be solved? which solution would you prefer?

From what I understand, this psychiatrist is going to be introduced in relation to the events of the s5 finale/s6 premiere. So if I had to venture a guess, I'd say she's there either to assist the team in finding out who's behind those attacks, or to assess the team in the aftermath of said attacks. But since she will apparently have a recurring role, she could be used for other storylines. And let's be honest, all the characters could use some major therapy after everything they went through along the years.

So, yes, it could absolutely be there to further Tim's arc regarding his trauma with undercover work (or childhood, army…). I honestly doubt it, but it could be. Especially since the writers intend to dig into Tim's past this season - this could give some meaty materials for Eric and be an interesting way to deal with this arc. I'm just not sure that's the plan. (EDIT - from @roguetwelve : 'Eric mentioned in a cameo chat that he filmed his first scene with the psychiatrist in 6x07' - so right after his big storyline...).

I don't really know how the writers are going to 'solve' that… It's so complicated and there's no easy solution. The one thing I want to see is Lucy and Tim be honest with each other. Talk about their fears. There was a glimpse of that at the end of 5.21, so I hope they'll continue on this path. Right now, it's clear that Tim is terrified and doesn't want to admit it (and I believe he didn't even admit it to himself either, not until Isabel's return and Lucy's subsequent UC op) and that Lucy is hiding her feelings because she's worried about him and his reaction. And that's not sustainable. The thing is I'm not sure Tim will ever be fully okay with Lucy going undercover. He's always going to worry, that's part of who he is. But maybe he can find a way to live with it without triggering him. I could be wrong of course, but in my mind, Tim thought he was ready for it when he took that leap of faith with Lucy. He knew that was the career she wanted, he encouraged her for it… And that was incredibly brave of him to take this risk again, to open himself to being hurt that way again. All of this implies some healing. But a part of me believes that he was also in denial on how much it would affect him. He saw her go undercover several times before they started dating and I could see him rationalise that this would be no different once they were together. Only, Lucy's first UC mission since they became a couple happened on the heels of Isabel's return, bringing back a lot of buried memories and feelings he probably didn't expect to resurface. So this is something they need to work on. Together. As a unit. It won't be easy but it is worth the effort.

I don't know if I have a preference when it comes to a resolution. I'd just say that if Lucy were to give up UC, I want her to make that choice for herself. Either because the UC lifestyle is not something she can live with or because it doesn't fit with the life that she wants (at least for long-term undercover ops). I simply don't want someone else take that choice away from her.

[the-crystal-femmes]

We feel like deactivating this Tumblr and making a new one. I know we won't do this because it's too much work and there'd be too many people to inform, but..

We're gonna state this now. We're really tired of being triggered. We've have a lot of shit happen to us, both here and on our old nonhuman blog that got deactivated.

We don't believe we're getting the time and patience we need. Some of you (/not aimed) are really quick to assume we're meaning the worst intentions possible, and it's quite hurtful. This is especially shown when we're going through rough times.

I think what we may have to do is just go through and block those who make us feel unsafe. I think you also need to remember that we work together as a collective, like a hindmive. We understand some of you may not get along with some of my headmates, or may not like them, but they still deserve respect, and if we feel they're not being respected and only I am, we will have to block those people, too.

I think another problem is with Ula constantly getting triggered and then being treated like the big bad. Ula is our prosecutor. His job is to act harmfully towards those outside of the collective. We think, personally, this is a misguided or maladaptive attempt to protect us. Ula did not choose this role, our brain gave it to her. Ula does not like her job and does not like hurting others anymore.

Ula doesn't deserve to be treated any lesser than, let's say Frankie and I, because her job is prosecutor. She has feelings just like anyone else. We believe Ula should be given time, kindness, patience, and the opportunity to work through his problems, instead of ridiculed and hated for it when she goes off. Ula is more prone to going off due to being an autism holder and npd holder, just like how I am (I experience everything).

I also think a lot of individuals forget that Ula and I are dating. Of course I'm going to value her a lot and tend to stick up for her. No, I am not excusing his harmful behaviors, and I don't intend to do so. However, I won't tolerate what happens to Ula when something goes wrong. Ula isn't some emotionless beast. Ula is her own vampire.

We are trying to help Ula work through things. We constantly are being backtracked, but we try. We need others to understand this.

We have always been firm that we will block those who constantly trigger Ula, or if we believe someone is intentionally triggering Ula. It isn't funny to attempt to get a rise out of him, it's downright cruel, and we won't put up with it.

If Ula is doing something hurtful to you, talk to her, civilly. A lot of times she's doing it on accident. Tell him to stop. Please don't yell at Ula, as much as it can be hard not to. Ula will become more aggressive and that's not what you need. Work it out with her. If she doesn't listen, talk to me, I'll try my best to get her to stop. If Ula is doing it on purpose, we will take care of the situation, however we doubt it will be on purpose most times, unless Ula is triggered.

I don't know if this isn't obvious, but as much as she says she doesn't care, she really fucking does. He cares a lot for you all. We've witnessed this on multiple occasions, but Ula doesn't like outwardly expressing care.

We are just tired of everything going on at the moment. This post is unnecessarily long, I know. We thank anyone who read through the whole thing, even though we're literally posting at 3am. We are sorry for anyone who has been effected by our recent outbursts.

[bluelolblue]

I'm making omegaverse even gayer again: Michael Corleone x Santino D'Antonio, Omega x Omega

Thoughts? Can they survive in a world that expects omegas to seek out alphas? How much of a horny mess are they when they're both in heat at once? Etc.

YESSSS OMEGAVERSE thank you so much this is a delicious ask >:]

Two little omegas, who is hornier 😭

Oh, I think it would be difficult for them to survive in that type of a world, especially if they don't want and an alpha, they're fine with each other even if they're both omegas.

And considering their status, that they're someone important... and families play big roles in their lives, especially for Michael as far as I know. I guess Micheal's family would want him to get an alpha to continue the blood line (ahah 😈) and to have more power that way (cuz like alphas are seen as strong and superior).

I think Michael would struggle a lot, his family would put so much pressure on him for that, that he is dating another omega (if they knew about that, I think they would since they seem to find out anything).

Meanwhile, Santino's family just doesn't accept him for being an omega, so he has that problem lmaoo. And if they knew about Michael, that he is also an omega... no good news for both of them.

So, Santino is embarrassed for being an omega only because his family made him feel like that, and Michael is struggling to keep his family functioning. Both have so much pressure on their backs. But they do help each other, but I think they both also suck at opening up. Like how do they talk about their feelings? It's a bit difficult for them, but they're managing, taking it easy I believe.

Alright to the horny part, it gets very freaky >:]

I think Santino is the hornier one, at least by little. Like him in heat... he is a MESS. Needy, but very bitchy and bossy. He won't let Michael have it easy, just take him like that, no, no. Michael would have to work for it, to earn it. Which would drive him insane, seeing how Santino is teasing him and just driving him insane on purpose. Like, damn... Santino won't go easy on him. Yk what, all that could trigger Michael's heat, too ahah.

Speaking of Michael's heat. He is very similar in behavior to Santino. But I think just a bit more needier. Santino has a bit more trouble controlling himself, with Michael's hot fucking teasing, he NEEDS HIM. So Michael kinda has to punish him for his misbehavior ;)

Okay both in heat at the same time. That's. Just. So. Wild. They're messy, they're wet, leaking (eheh), sweating, they need to hold each other, need to scent each other. They switch a lot. And they're going until they're both satisfied and... full. Okay, this is something I've been thinking for a while. If they really crave a knot (I believe sometimes it comes naturally to them, that craving), they can afford themselves fake knots. It's like a sex toy of some kind. But with a knot their heat would calm down sooner. So, I think they would sometimes use it (I think it's like the ring sexy toy that goes around the pp where the knot is supposed to be, idk how else to explain I hope I mak sense 😭). But yeah, even without that, they fuck a lot. They're not leaving their bedroom, and don't walk near it. No, just leave the house, they're loud. I think they would try to be quiet but they give up eventually. Of course taking care of each other in a more gentle way afterwards.

They don't care that they're both omegas. They don't need an alpha, they have each other and they can still please each other. But yeah, I think they have a bit hard time dealing with that because of family and everything. They can go through it I believe in them AHAH!

[wodrueckts]

so i’ve been sitting with the ted lasso finale for a few days now, trying to nail down what exactly it is that made me not like it very much. because generally i don’t really think it was BAD. i think it was fine. as far as overall plot beats are concerned it hit pretty much all of what i was expecting or at least thought was very possible (ted going back to kansas, beard staying, rebecca getting with dutch guy, nate being back, keeley, roy and jamie all being single at the end) and i don’t really have a problem with these developments on paper although the execution often left some things to be desired.

for me personally especially how nate’s arc with ted resolved was particularly unsatisfying. i mean, what we got was a nice, emotional scene (thanks for the most part to nick mohammed’s acting) but all in all it just lacked impact (at least for me). i mean, i’ve waited the whole season for these two to finally have a heart to heart but then it ended up being quite underwhelming.

and i think that’s what i’d call the finale in general: underwhelming. lacking emotionality. especially from ted, as many people have already pointed out.

 so it was underwhelming, big whoop, finales rarely feel wholly satisfying. so why did it kind of make me feel worse about the whole show? that’s what i’ve been trying to figure out.

and i think it has to do with how it made me look back on ted as a character. because it opens the door for me to see him in a less favorable light than before and it undermines the arc i thought (or hoped) they were going for for him.

ted starts off as a very *kind* character. kindness is pretty much his core attribute. but not in a naive or unthinking way; his kindness is a conscious choice. he is kind because he thinks everyone deserves kindness and because he believes kindness will lead to the best outcome. his kindness is also a defense mechanism, a kind of armor. it keeps people at arm’s length without them noticing. and ted deploys his kindness to that effect a lot. because ted is also afraid of letting people in. he’s nice to everyone but doesn’t really let anyone get close.

and i thought his arc would be that ted finally learns to let people in, to make himself vulnerable to them and risk them being able to hurt him. and i do think that that was actually the writers’ intention. and they did achieve that, kind of.

but for me the finale calls all that into question again and makes me wonder whether ted actually DID let people in. whether he actually CARED about anyone at richmond (beyond the way he generally just cares about everyone).

people have said they were upset about the finale because ted left his (found) family and his support system behind. but is that even true? have we really seen them be his family and support system? or rather have we seen him think of them like that?

the show has shown us a lot of instances of people loving and caring for ted but i don’t remember a lot of instances where we really see how much that means to HIM. or that it actually means anything to him at all.

what i’m trying to say is that i don’t really remember feeling like they were really IMPORTANT to him. of course he cares about them but ted cares about everyone. he cares about them in a very selfless way. but i think if someone is really important to you, you also care about them in a “selfish” way (and i don’t mean selfish in a negative way here). and the only times we’ve seen ted care about someone selfishly was with michelle, which makes sense because she was his wife and he loved her and they have a kid together so of course she is important to him, and with dr sharon, when she left and triggered his abandonment issues. but of course dr sharon is also his therapist so it’s a whole different dynamic in general.

with everyone else he’s just very accommodating, very forgiving, very nice, very... dispassionate.

and i was hoping we’d get to a point where we actually see how much the people in richmond mean to ted, where it would actually be hard for him to leave them, not because of some sense of duty or obligation but because he just genuinely, deeply loves them. but i feel like the show never quite got there. they got kind of close with nate at the end of s2 and beginning of s3 when ted seemed genuinely sad about what happened with him and missed him but that also just fizzled out (and was ultimately squashed in the finale when ted was essentially like “eh no biggie” in the scene where nate apologized)

and the finale just cemented ted’s seeming lack of care when we didn’t seem him wrestle at all with his decision to leave. he just decided to leave and that was that. and many other people have noted how he didn‘t even seem emotional or like he cared at all while other characters (especially rebecca) were practically throwing their love at him.

so really, what was his supposed growth in the show? that he finally went to therapy (admittedly a big step, not slagging that)? that he can ask for help in the form of letting his friend hire someone to stalk his ex? (not the kind of help i’d want him to ask for tbh)? There was some growth in other departments of course, like when he actually admitted to michelle that her relationship with dr jacob bothers him, something he probably would’ve never done before, but again, that’s him selfishly caring about michelle.

so the show now appears to me as: ted runs away to england, he touches many people’s lives without really getting too close himself but does learn some life lessons before he goes back home.

and maybe that was the intention. it is a story, i guess. but not a very satisfying one. at least to me.

or maybe they just made ted a bit TOO nice, a bit TOO caring and forgiving and perfect, that it reached all the way around to coming across as uncaring and detached, which was then only exacerbated by the finale.

(OR this is just my own baggage and issues with social anxiety rearing its ugly head which always makes me a bit suspicious of people who are nice and caring to everyone not because i think these people are fake or not genuine or anything like that but how can you tell if someone like this actually likes you or is just nice to you because they’re a genuinely nice and lovely person. which meant ted has always been on thin ice for me anyway and seeing him leave everyone with seemingly not much trouble just confirmed all my fears. WHO’S TO SAY)