#and obviously there is more at play like there's essays worth of shit happening in that book

[dontwanderoff]

unfortunately i have just finished rereading the haunting of hill house and am going wild, so am also desperately thinking about haunted houses in all contexts. the tardis as a haunted house HAS to exist in some form of media or fanfic right??

[shiroselia]

Fair Warning: This post is very rambly. Super fucking long. And has a bunch of paragraphs about topics that to be quite frank deserve their own post. This is me TLDRing like 7 different essays because I have a lot to say and can't shut the fuck up but this is despite it all still a tumblr post.

The fact that SSO exists at all in the year 2023 is not an achievement in and of itself.

That's the TLDR to this post I'm about to write because that's basically what I think, but there is a longer discussion to have here. And I think it's a discussion worth having because despite it all we still live in a world where gender makes people irrationally fucking mad, and so therefore here I am to talk shit about a horse game which I have called mediocre all day.

Well, if you don't want to read this entire thing, here's all you need to know:

If Animal Crossing in the year of 2020 can define the first year of the pandemic for basically half the internet, then SSE can optimise their game a little better in the year 2023.

And here's wonderwall: (But before wonderwall, obvious disclaimer that I'm just one cis not-het woman Swede who has opinions about things, I'm not going to solve centuries of oppression on my fucking tumblr dashboard. Neither are SSE gonna solve it, nor immortalise it, with their mediocre MMO, we all know this we are smart, let's go.)

To SSO's credit, I think it's nice that SSE has wholly embraced the fact that they are a very feminine game primarily played by and targeted towards young girls, despite it all we still need more of that, and it's cool that they're trying the most. (Just wish they wouldn't completely throw their especially above average transmasc audience under the bus for  this but that is genuinely not my post to make as I am not transmasc and this post isn't about that, but all I'm saying is that SSE aren't flawless and I was here for both 2011 and 2022 so I happen to know when they literally lie about why this game was created in the first place.)

However,

There is a difference between "We want to bring quality to this audience which usually doesn't get quality" and "Because we're the only ones targeting this audience we don't need to worry about quality". Settling for the latter, especially today, isn't actually that progressive nor is it helping anyone, especially if we're talking about the game's general quality.

So, I know that talking about like, what is a "good" game or whatever will always be a wall to wall conversation, because everyone has different ideas of what good means. (see: Some people going "I enjoy this so it's good" and some going "I enjoy this but it Isn't good" at Dorian's poll) This isn't a problem at all it's simply how the human experience works. However, if we're talking about the good as in "objective" quality, then I think we need to remember something.

It's not 2011 anymore, and being a girls game, standalone, isn't an achievement anymore. We expect some fucking effort by now.

We don't live in a world where you as an 8 year old kid have to pick between playing COD or playing SSO exclusively (a choice made in 2011 by me as an 8 year old for reference, I literally was there, don't worry). We have a lot wider a selection of games to choose from, and we live in an industry which has also gotten a Lot better at actually celebrating less traditionally masculine games.

For example, Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley, to name two examples, would probably be pretty dismissed in 2011, had they released then, because they're games that in general are seen as more feminine. (Slower, cute aesthetics, about farming, has cute little guys in them in AC's case.) But nowadays, they're some of the most popular games around, and they're games that most people, regardless of gender, have played. And obviously people still make fun of them, but it isn't cool to make fun of them anymore. Y'all remember when everyone and their mother was playing New Horizons as it came out during the perfect time for everyone to play it just as the pandemic started? And that's a really feminine game if we want to divide games into feminine and masculine, which we at the end of the day will do because humans are obsessed with binary opposition. And it still defined a whole year for a whole bunch of people!

And obviously you might say that it's unfair to compare little ol' SSO to these games. And it is. If we're comparing them as games on a technical equal ground. But we're not. I'm exemplifying that games that are more feminine/played by a lot of women don't have to suck.

So by, conciously or subconciously, implying that SSO Can't be as good as other games or Shouldn't Be Expected To Be simply because women's games just Are worse, you're dismissing the fact that feminine games Do succeed, especially recently. Not only on the market, but as entertainment. And no matter what game you make, no matter what damn resources you have, you better make sure that your audience can fucking play it with the specs you yourself recommend. Because letting a company get away with settling for mediocrity further normalises girls' games not needing to be as good because they're already so shit that someone even trying is good enough. Which in 2023, is Not good enough. Even young girls deserve not to shill out tens of thousands, which they Do Not Have, for super PCs just because SSE forgot to optimise their open world game.

Lastly, all I'm saying is that if we're going to say "Yes, SSO is good." Don't follow it up with "Compared to women's games from 2005 that are so dead nobody remembers them anymore." Because SSO is a game that exists in 2023, and at some point we have to acknowledge that. And if this game wants to survive another decade, I think the first people who need to move away from 2011, is its audience.

Women’s games don’t have to suck. And implying that they do says more about you than it does about the game. Especially if your idea of “good standard” for women’s games. are almost 20 years old. At some point, we All have to move into the present times. Even if your game of choice is a little behind.

[wjsns]

and u know what im ready to make my full statement on MENG MEI QI too. the situation is so crazy to me, basically now in 2023 some ujung wont even type out her name because 1. cheating scandal (WHERE SHE WAS THE 3RD PARTY, WASNT EVEN THE PERSON TO CHEAT ON SOMEONE) and 2. doesnt mention wjsn ever and to me that is literally HILARIOUS like, god its just soooo funny to watch everyone pile in with the loudest most popular opinion and not do personal critical thinking, or hey, maybe they did and what mmq did really WAS too much for them to still support her but in that case i raise an eyebrow because idk… a lottt of yall are the same people who will get online and write about loving evil women and letting girls be shitty etc etc and she literally gives you what you asked for on a silver PLATTER, like doing nothing cancellable just giving us a good wholesome woman being evil and selfish and obsessed w herself and everyone turns on her!!!! sorry shes not fucking chuu lmao!? (ilu chuu no hate but there is space for good AND evil girls in my heart😇) im sorry im SO unbothered by her being the other woman in a cheating scandal like i cant imagine something mattering less to me and it actually made me super happy to confirm she fucks even tho the guy was ugly😇 but i said kinda most of this already so SECOND OF ALL about her not mentioning wjsn and shit… another thing i literally have NO problem with?? again, like…… no one was more distraught than me at what happened to ot13 but these are REAL PEOOLEEEEEEEEEE?!????!??? i’ve said this before too but i think its worth mentioning, i think my perspective on WJSN has always been a certain way because i grew up playing soccer on a team of the same ~18 girls for over 8 years and im very familiar with, idk, “team dynamics” in groups of girls growing up together? so i understand what its like to be in a larger group dedicated towards this ultimate, performance based goal together and while not everyone out of those 18 girls is one-to-one best friends and lots of people have pretty significant differences, none of that matters “on the field” or when you’re “working”, and its actually lowkey beautiful hiw such different people can unite together to make their dream happen AND develop really long lasting strong relationships w each other when they would otherwise might not have. so ive never had illusions that wjsn as a group has this monolithic motivator or reason for being in wjsn or being an idol, they are all super different personalities and have different interest areas like acting, musicals, song production, MCing etc! so its really impossible for me to feel upset or bothered in any way when i hear complaints about mmq’s behavior in this area because im like ? she obviously has/had this solo career (that i have to believe she had way more control and stylistic direction over than with wjsn) in her home country where she gets to embrace her personal style and concepts instead of matching wjsns, shes clearly separating from that past image and going in a different direction w her career! it does make me bummed that shes not getting 13 stars tattooed like xiao did but again what am i gonna do, be mad that this artist who i really care abt as a person is going off on their own path and direction? cujung is a ROCK of this fanbase its not like a mmq wjsn mention is going to create millions more ujung and album sales? just never added up to me, IM not gonna feel some type of way about it because stan twit fucking tells me to, like how it feels a lot of ujungs react to everything! that one thing going around that was like “wjsn are coworkers not friends” was sooooo funny for me to watch ujung actually get mad about because like,,, they ARE coworkers? AND FRIENDS?! there are 13 of them? each person has a unique individual and complex relationship with each other person? ah idk why i even bother with these essays the avg kpop stans iq is literally 65 yall love being spoonfed parasocial relationships simulated for ur consumption so much u completely block out ​the fact they are real people

[txbbo]

I've been debating making this because this is definitely not what my blog is known for and I was worried that people wouldn't want to see it, but with the amount of shit im seeing on twitter it's compelled me to make this because I'm so frustrated.

I feel like I could make 100 posts about 'Cancel Culture' and it wouldn't be enough, so I'm just going to focus on what caused me to write this tonight - the Tommy situation. *Warning for a VERY long post below*

To be clear, Tommy has been in 'hot water' on twitter for the past couple weeks, roughly starting with the KSI collaboration where he made a joke about dream stans.

Last week, when the SBI 'exposing account' got made and twitter hyped it up, someone made a Tommy account and made a thread of things he needed to be '''educated''' on: https://twitter.com/idktommyinnit/status/1379158964148002821?s=20

I'll let you read it for yourself (and come to your own conclusion) but to me.... half of this stuff does not require a twitter thread? Breaking it down accusation by accusation:

1) 'The Mexican accent' - the clips show he is clearly only doing it when copying big Q (who famously exaggerates his own accent) and there is zero malicious intent (Big Q is also IN the 3 clips mentioned in the thread, and obviously didn't tell Tommy it was offensive). There's debates in the comments from people who think it is offensive and people who don't, so I'm not trying to pick a side. To avoid accidentally offending anyone, maybe it is best for him to stop, but the way twitter acts as if he was purposefully doing this to offend people is just not true.

2- 'Making a slave joke' - Even saying that feels wrong, because it suggests Tommy is doing something awful. Instead, they are referring to the 'bit' that Tommy, Techno, Tubbo and Ant were involved in, when Tommy and Techno took Tubbo and Ant as their slave. People are taking this vod and using it to accuse Tommy of being insensitive to Black people, but I think people are just assuming the worst. Slavery existed long before the transatlantic slave trade and still exists today. This is a role-play server - Tommy 'forced' Ant to work for him and used the word slave, which to me is exactly what was happening? People 'murder' others on the SMP, people 'kidnap' on the SMP, people are 'terrorists' on the SMP, and all happen without issue. To add, Ant is a WHITE man. Tommy taking a WHITE man as a slave is not something uber problematic.

3- 'His reply to Techno's 'murder is bad' tweet'. - I get people saying that Techno's initial tweet was insensitive, but saying Tommy's agreement to this from almost over a year ago is something notable and worth addressing is just super nitpicky and is clearly only in there to pad out the thread. It also makes me wonder what other CC's interacted with it and if THEY should be cancelled too (according to twitter).

4 - 'The saying slurs' tweet / jokes about 'whats the worst word you know' - This one I can kinda see how people might not like it. However, it's clearly a 'poke' at his friends, making them seem like bad people. To me, its in the same vein as 'Tubbo is a Tory' or when Tubbo shoots back that 'Tommy is a Nigel Farage fan'. They're obviously not, but its making fun of your friends by saying they are, and mockingly making them out out to be bad people.

5- 'Covid jokes' - People are taking jokes he made about him 'having covid' and saying he shouldn't joke about this, even going as far to linking it to asian hate crimes. I don't even know how to explain that that this is just? not a 'cancellable offence'? I'm sorry but if I hear anyone in my family coughing I make a little joke that 'they better not have covid' and I know other people do. I have someone in my family who is extremely vulnerable to Covid and if they caught it, would quite literally die, but I can understand that jokes like these are harmless. The whole internet had a running joke that we were in a 'panoramic' or 'Panera' or 'insert any word that sounds like pandemic.

This thread got a lot of attention and anything he tweeted afterwards was spammed with the link and there were so many people upset that he hadn't addressed it. I saw so many people say how 'upset' and 'disappointed' they were in him.

Going on to today, this happened: https://twitter.com/khasiid/status/1380611890104139776?s=20

I get it, it looks bad. But for context (which the tweet doesn't give), the reply was only up for less than a minute. It was obvious to me, even BEFORE Tommy addressed it in his stream (clip here: https://twitter.com/cowrpse/status/1380640046202593283?s=20 ) that it was a mistake. In the clip, he clearly acknowledges his mistake and seems embarrassed. To me, this situation should just be laid to rest because a mistake does not need this much attention, but twitter disagrees.

In case it wasn't obvious by now, the tide is turning against Tommy and people are less willing to ignore genuine mistakes and assume the worst.

Today, during his birthday stream people were clearly already waiting for him to mess up. Around half way through, he started saying 'finna' out of context and Tubbo joined in. This led to tons of tweets telling him he was misusing AAVE, and while there were plenty of people willing to be patient and educate, there were also people seeing this as an example of him being a 'bad person' and someone who should be 'without a platform'. I think people forget that not everyone has the same internet upbringing as they do. In general, I think its noted that the misuse of AAVE is something that has just recently been brought to attention. I learned about it through tiktok and stan twitter, and I don't think it's unimaginable that a British 17 year old boy (who is not active on either) has never heard of 'African American Vernacular English'.

Just for a fuller picture, today has also brought about another 'criticism' that I just had to address.

1) 'Tommy made a KKK joke' - Like the 'slavery' point, saying this is extremely misleading. It makes people think the worst. Here's the clip: https://twitter.com/ghostburz/status/1380673589612011522?s=20

Here, Tommy and Tubbo are both joking about Tubbo's 'bit' of naming his alt streams 'aaaaaaaaaa', 'bbbbbbb', 'cccccc', etc and how it would've been bad if it was 'kkkkkkkk' (for obvious reasons). That is literally it. It is a less than 20 second clip. Acknowledging that people woulda thought about the 'KKK' is not him 'not understanding Black issues', its a throwaway joke about the obvious.

Lastly, someone on twitter has made a tommyinnit (address asap) doc - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tZEZtBzikS-EYYkssfFtwVOoFqOwCK0zhStLe6H1wCc/edit

I've basically already covered everything in this document, but I wanted to mention how extremely 'guilt trippy' the whole thing is. I struggled to come up with the perfect word for the situation, and I am open to hearing other peoples opinion, but as I have mentioned none of these things Tommy has been accused of were done with malicious intent, and some I believe don't even need addressed at all.

'slavery is a source of astronomical trauma for black people, and isn’t something to be taken lightly if you’re to look into the horrors of the slave trade."

and "Oftentimes they are the last words we hear before we die and it really is not Tommy’s place to joke about words that affect us so negatively."

Are extremely emotional words for a 17-year-old boy to hear on his birthday, for stuff that I believe has been taken out of context and blown out of proportion.

I really feel bad for him, because such a large proportion of twitter (which ofc is the loudest side of the fanbase) is angry at him and is demanding (as the document says) ''either a stream or twitter thread/twitlonger to addressing this' and 'a long and serious apology instead of a short statement pre-stream'.

We all know how twitter works, and unless his apology is perfect (which to me means apologising for stuff that he should't have to, as explained in the thread), twitter will continue with this weird hyper focus on everything he does, and it's not going to end well.

Twitter's mentality of 'putting everything this person has done that could ever be considered problematic' into one neat little thread is so unhelpful and counter intuitive. I got overwhelmed reading some of the stuff people were saying about him, I can't imagine how he feels.

I feel like I have more to say but at risk of writing an essay longer than my actual work I have to do, I'm going to end here.

[bwbatta]

three - all bets on

Abstract: Draco and you are just friends so doing him a favour and pretending to be his girlfriend wouldn’t effect your friendship, right?

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

Warnings: lil bit of swearing, lil bit of angst, lil bit of jealous Draco

Word count: 3825

A/N: GET READY (this ones a big boi) taglist for this series is still open and so is a permanent taglist for my other work (HP or not!), so let me know if you’re interested in any of them! 

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Part 2 | Part 4

“(Y/N)” 

A voice whispered loudly from behind you, trying to get your attention as you tried to ignore it.

“Psst, (Y/N)... (Y/N)!”

You were doing a spectacular job of ignoring the whisperer who desperately was trying to get your attention, but your patience ran thin when a sharp pain ran through your back.

“Ow!” you hissed, turning around with your eyes blazing “Did you just stab me with your quill?!”

“...It was really more of a poke to be completely honest”

You shot an angry glare towards the red headed boy who now looked quite sheepish.

“What do you want, Ron?” You asked annoyed

He shared a look with Harry who sat next to him and both looked hesitant to say anything, which of course only made you more impatient.

“Well? Are you going to ask me a question because I’d rather like to get this finished so I can leave to get dinner”

“Have you shagged, Malfoy?”

“Ron!”

Both Harry and you looked at Ron with varying expressions, yours was complete shock and Harry’s was a mix of slight embarrassment and curiosity.

“No, I haven’t shagged him” you narrowed your eyes towards the pair. “And even if I had, it would be none of your business”

“Are you sure you’re not being forced into dating him?” Harry questioned with a concerned look “We can help you if you are!”

“While I appreciate the help you’d offer, the answer is no. I’m not being forced into dating him” you sent the pair a glare “I’m dating Draco because I really like him”

“Well that’s a lie,” Ron scoffed “no one likes Malfoy”

“Well, okay, I agree that’s true” you shrugged “I actually love him”

“What?!”

Turning back round to finish your work, you tried to conceal the smile on your face as the two boys started pestering you again, trying to get your attention when suddenly a note landed on your desk.

The note was folded like a bird, and had been obviously charmed to act as such, as it jumped around your desk like a small robin would do.

Curious, you opened it up and immediately a smile spread across your face as you read the message.

“(Y/N),

Can I copy down your notes later? If yes, I adore you. If no, what do I have to bargain with this time? 

Also fancy dinner in the kitchens tonight? I’ve got an idea.

Draco

P.S pretend this is a cute love letter or something to piss Potter and Weasley off”

Your eyes shot over to the blonde who was already staring at you with a grin on his face.

You sent a smile of your own back, nodding to him, signalling he could copy your notes later. Thinking quickly, you also went one step further and blew him a kiss.

Draco’s cheeks blushed a little but the look he sent you could’ve melted you right where you sat.

If you hadn’t known any better, you would’ve described it as true heart eyes. 

But you did know better. 

He was just acting.

It also seemed to do the trick as Ron stabbed you in the back again with his quill, breaking your concentration from each other. You whirled around again with a glare in place.

“Stop stabbing me with your quill” you hissed

“Is that note from Malfoy?” Harry asked trying to get a look at it

“It might be”

“What does it say?” Ron questioned

“Why are you so curious? Jealous I’m getting love letters and you’re not?” you sent him a smirk 

“So it’s a love letter?” Harry asked slight disgusted at the thought of you getting one from Malfoy.

“Yes, it is. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get dinner with my boyfriend, who I love very much” 

Picking up your books, you stuffed your papers inside your bag and stood up, making your way to the door where Draco was conveniently waiting. 

The fact he was going to copy your notes later, meant as soon as he saw you pack up to leave, he jumped up, his own bag already packed, ready to join you down in the kitchens for dinner.

Harry and Ron sat watching you wander over to Draco with a grin on your face as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pressing a kiss to your temple to rile up the two Gryffindor boys.

“Ready to go?” your fake boyfriend asked you with a smile to which you nodded, eager for food away from prying eyes and curious questions.

The two of you made your way down to the kitchens, talking about what you were hungry for and before you knew it, a huge plate of a roast dinner was placed in front of you.

“Oh my,” you practically drooled “look how pretty this is”

“I hope you have the same reaction when you see me?” Draco joked

“Unless you suddenly turn into a plate of food, it’s a no, sorry honey”

“Maybe not a plate of food, but I am a snack”

You did not address the comment, only sent him an amused look which he smirked proudly at getting some sort of reaction from you. 

The two of you dug into your meals, chatting about absolute nonsense gossip you’d heard throughout the day. Apparently you’d missed Seamus Finnegan blowing up not only his own water goblet, but the rest of Gryffindor table’s, trying to turn it into Firewhiskey when you were in the Library.

Through a mouthful of roast potato, you suddenly made an exclamation like you’d suddenly remembered something, catching the blonde boy’s attention.

“Yes?” he asked amused at you trying to swallow your food quick enough to say something before you forgot your thought process.

“What was your idea you mentioned earlier?” you finally managed to ask. “The one you mentioned in your note?”

“Ahh” he began as he set down his knife and fork “I have an idea about something we can do to make people believe we’re a couple more?”

“Go on?” You asked curious, taking another bite of your food

“We could make out?”

Well, you didn’t expect that.

And the fact you were now choking on your mouthful, showed that perfectly well.

Draco patted your back as you trying to regain your breath. Finally able to swallow your food, you took a gulp of water to clear your mouth.

“Sorry” you muttered

“No worries, if I knew you were going to react like that I would’ve prepared you” he grinned at your embarrassment.

“Piss off”

You rolled your eyes at him before locking his gaze with your own unamused look.

“So?” He pressed

“Um... yeah, I guess that could work”

You fiddled with your sleeve as you tried to pull off an unbothered expression, when all you could now think about in your head was the fact you’d be kissing your best friend.

“Right?! That’s what I was thinking! No one would be able to deny we weren’t dating after we’d kiss in the Great Hall or something where everyone could see.”

“Yeah” you collected yourself and yanked yourself back into your confident persona “I mean, go big or go home right?! All bets on.”

“Exactly” he nodded in agreement “We do this and everyone will believe it”

You mirrored his nod and shot him a smile, hiding your nervousness immaculately. If there was one thing you could do, it was hide your true emotions.

“Yeah... everyone”

“Hey, when’s the potions essay due again?”

“Tomorrow”

“...Shit”

Hermione gave you an unamused stare as you sat across from her in the Gryffindor common room.

The witch had made you promise to study with her for the test Flitwick had set for charms, especially since neither Harry nor Ron felt it urgent to do so.

“Don’t tell me you forgot about it?!”

“Nope, it was totally intentional for me to leave an entire essay due to do the night before” you shrugged sarcastically causing Hermione to send you another of her stares. 

To be completely honest, you probably would’ve done it last night if Draco hadn’t taken you to the kitchens for dinner. You two ended up staying there for the rest of the evening, partly for the instant snacks from the house elves, partly because you two just enjoyed each others company more than anyone else. You had to admit though, the pumpkin pasties were worth it.

“Well don’t come running to me for help when you need it” Hermione miffs “I told you to get it done as soon as it was set otherwise you’ll forget it, and look what’s happened? You’ve-”

“Forgotten it, yes okay, thank you. You getting a good view up there from your high horse?!”

“Don’t be silly” 

Hermione went to say something else but was interrupted.

“Hey, (Y/N)”

Lee Jordan smiled at you effortlessly as you sent him a smile back, slightly confused as to why he was there in the first place. He looked slightly nervous when you looked closer, his fingers playing with the edge of his sleeve.

“Hi, Lee. You alright?”

“Yeah, I actually wanted to ask you something, if you’re not busy?”

“Go ahead, I’m not doing anything interesting”

An annoyed scoff from the witch sitting opposite you said different.

Lee’s eyes flicked between the two of you before they settled back on you.

“I actually wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to the next Hogsmeade weekend with me?”

You were confused. Surely everyone, especially Lee because of the twins, knew you were going out with Draco. It had been all anyone had asked you about for the past week.

“Um... I actually was going to go with Draco” you told him slowly “You know, my boyfriend?”

“Yeah but that’s not actually true is it?!” Lee laughed a little like the idea was preposterous. “I mean come on, you don’t actually like the guy, right?”

You bristled slightly at the way Lee spoke about Draco. Sure, the boy was an wanker to most of the Gryffindors, if not all of them, but he wasn’t a truly bad person. 

Most of the way he acts is down to how he was raised by his parents, and after meeting Lucius one summer, you could understand why.

“Nope, I actually love the guy, which is part of the reason why I’m his girlfriend”

“You love him?!” Hermione jumped in, just as surprised as Lee

The tone Hermione used also didn’t sit right with you 

“Yep, we’re super in love” you grinned at her unfazed, not showing any hesitation about the subject. “So as nice as your offer is, Lee, I’ll have to turn it down, sorry”

The boy looked taken aback as if he thought you wouldn’t turn him down.

“Right, well, okay. Sorry to bother you” Lee smiled at you which you returned before he walked away.

You were still slightly shocked that Lee had just asked you out, when it was pretty much common knowledge for everyone in the castle, that you were in a relationship. 

It solidified the point that Draco and you needed to make it more convincing though. 

Nonetheless you turned back to your study notes, hoping to put this from your mind, but before any more studying could be done, the notes were snatched away.

“Nope, you’re not doing anything else until you tell me what’s really going on”

Laughing slightly you rolled your eyes at the dramatics of your friend. 

“Really?!”

“Really! And despite the fact you somehow think I’m stupid-”

“You’re far from stupid, Mione-”

“Shhh” she actually shushed you as you interrupted her causing you to snort under your breath. “You really didn’t think I wouldn’t pick up on how Malfoy just so happens to not make any more insulting comments towards me?”

“Like I’ve told you before, he’s not a bad person and it’s not a huge change-”

“Yes it is!”

You stilled slightly at the conviction in her voice, words dying on your tongue before you could even utter them.

“He used to call me a mudblood every time we were in the same room, (Y/N). Now he nods to me and actually acts like I’m not some piece of dirt on his shoe? Somethings up.”

You never thought the dynamic between the two was really that bad, so you found yourself not really knowing what to say. Hermione continued regardless of your silence.

“I know you don’t know how much he used to insult me, or torment me because regardless of anything, the boy absolutely adores you so much so he would bite his tongue whenever you were in the room. Though now he’s actively going out of his way to be civil with me, even when you’re not around? I don’t trust it.”

Again, you were at a loss for words. But overwhelmingly you felt like a terrible friend.

“Hermione... I didn’t know it was that bad between you”

“Well it is, or was” she shook her head as if to centre her thoughts. “Look, fine, don’t tell me what’s going on, just promise me you’ll be careful.”

“Careful of what?” you asked confused as to what she was talking about now.

Sighing heavily, Hermione grabbed her books and started to pile them up. Standing up she paused, letting her eyes rest on you as you could tell she was debating what to say to you.

“Just be careful you don’t get caught up in whatever game you’re playing too much” 

With that being said, the witch turned and headed towards the Gryffindor girl’s dormitories, no more words said between the two of you. The ones last said being enough to linger in your head.

“Hey, Sweetheart”

You were surprised for a second which showed on your face before you quickly gathered yourself and sent a dazzling smile back to the blonde who had sat down next to you.

Hermione’s words had been on your mind since the previous night, enough to distract you as you were up, attempting to write your essay in the small hours of the night. You were exhausted, but somehow seeing Draco had made you feel just that little bit better.

“Morning” you replied, blushing slightly as Draco pressed a kiss to your temple (which was now becoming a normal thing for him to do), and wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

“You two are awfully cosy this morning” Blaise remarked as he took the seat opposite.

“What, am I not allowed to sit with my girlfriend for breakfast and show her some affection?!” Draco asked whilst grabbing a few slices of bacon from the buffet in front of him.

“Never said you weren’t” Blaise rolled his eyes at his best mate “just that you guys are disgustingly close”

“Aww thanks Blaise” you smiled at him innocently, clutching your coffee mug close to your chest, as he shot you a look which made you chuckle.

Pulling you closer to him, Draco leaned down to your ear to stage whisper loud enough so the boy opposite could hear.

“Don’t worry about him, he’s just jealous he’s single and doesn’t have someone to kiss in the morning”

“Alright, piss off you two. If (Y/N) wanted to go out with anyone I had hoped it would’ve been me, but I’ll live” Blaise joked as you chuckled along with him. 

Draco sent his friend an amused look.

“Stop hitting on my girl, Zabini”

“Yeah yeah, I’m just joking” the wizard rolled his eyes at the Malfoy boy as the two of you shared a chuckle. This was until a prominent thought popped into your head.

“Oh, guess what happened last night?” you asked the blonde wizard who sent you an inquisitive glance as he took a bite out of a slice of toast. “Lee Jordan asked me out.”

At once, Draco’s face dropped it’s curious expression to form one of annoyance and agitation. 

“What?!” he practically hissed. “Does he not know you have a boyfriend?”

“Apparently, he thought it was a joke” you told him, eyes quickly assessing his reaction.

Leaning into you and pressing his forehead to your temple, it would’ve looked couple-y to anyone else but it just meant he could whisper to you so no one else would hear.

“What did you say?” he whispered 

“I said that I was your girlfriend” you whispered back, playing with his fingers of the hand wrapped around your shoulder. “I let him know I was taken, don’t worry.”

“But I am worrying (Y/N), he doesn’t know it’s a joke!”

“...Are you jealous? Offended someone else asked me out?”

“No! I just don’t like people asking out my girlfriend”

You turned your head so both your foreheads rested together. Resting your hand on his cheek, your thumb brushed over his cheekbone as his gaze met yours.

“I’m yours okay... for however long you want me to be your fake girlfriend” you caught yourself with an awkward chuckle. “I’m all in.”

Draco felt a smile creep up on his lips and he could help but take you in. You had this calming aura around you, which he felt like was almost soothing his soul just being next to you. 

He found it addicting.

A cough from opposite the table caught your attention and both your eyes snapped over to Blaise how pointedly looked towards the entrance of the Great Hall.

Catching sight of Pansy entering the hall, eyes darting round, no doubt looking for the blonde boy next to you, you couldn’t help the noise of irritation which left your lips.

Draco smiled at the sound, enjoying the fact you were as annoyed as him when it came to the girl. He pulled you closer to him, slotting you under his arm as you wrapped your own arm around his waist in turn tucking yourself into his side.

“Bitch incoming” you muttered under your breath

Draco snorted under his breath before rolling his eyes at the smile Pansy sent him as she wandered over to the three of you.

“Oh Merlin” Blaise groaned as she took the seat next to him, opposite from you.

“Hi guys”

“Is there some reason you’re sitting with us?” you found yourself asking as the girl shot you a snide glare.

“I just wanted to sit with my friends, is that such a crime?”

“What friends?” Blaise muttered loud enough for everyone present to hear.

“Pansy, we’d rather eat without your face putting us off our food” Draco shrugged.

Pansy eyed the arm holding you securely to him with a look of envy and disgust, like it was disturbing her immensely.

“Oh Drakey, don’t be mean, where else am I meant to go?!”

“If you ask nicely, the pound might take you back” you joked which earned you amused snorts from both boys.

Any expression on her face, which was put on for politeness, dropped instantly and Pansy glared at you like looks could kill.

“So first you steal my boyfriend and then you insult me?”

“I wasn’t your boyfriend, I will never be your boyfriend” Draco sighed like the topic was getting old.

“And then,” Pansy continued, completely disregarding the Malfoy boy’s comment, “you think you can just play around with a rumour that you two are together, and everyone’s just going to believe it? Come on, I haven’t even seen you two kiss. This little act you’re putting on might just ruin that friendship of yours.”

There was no doubt about it, Pansy Parkinson was jealous, vengeful and relentless. 

You knew convincing her would be the biggest problem of this whole plan but that’s exactly what you needed to do; convince her.

With this in mind, you sat up straight and looked her dead in the eyes.

“You don’t believe us because we haven’t kissed in front of you?”

“I think the fact that you two haven’t kissed in front of anyone proves you’re just faking it” she shrugged.

“So you want proof?” Draco asked with a scoff “That I would choose (Y/N), a decent, good human being, over you, to be in a relationship with?”

Pansy pulled an expression like her question was obvious.

“Alright, how’s this for proof?”

The arm wrapped around your shoulder changed and Draco cupped your face in the palm of his hand. 

Brushing back a lock of your hair with the other hand, he took a brief moment to study your face, thumb rubbing softly on your cheekbone. Your eyes met his and the same determination was reflected within your own eyes at how much you wanted to show this bitch, that the boy now looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky, was yours. 

Leaning down, Draco’s eyes never left yours, looking for any uncertainty, but found none. This gave him the confidence he needed and before you knew it, his lips were on yours.

You were certain your brain short circuited. 

His lips were soft but determined, as the kiss you shared started slow, almost finding comfort in each other, before his other hand rose to cup the other side of your face. 

That was when your heart really skipped a beat.

It was like a fire was burning in your chest, almost painfully as you put everything you had into this kiss with Draco, and everything around you drowned out except for the boy in front of you.

He was addicting. 

Draco however, could hardly express how right this kiss felt. 

He really hadn’t expected how your lips would’ve felt until he met them, yet this was better than he could’ve ever predicted. You were all consuming, you were perfect, you were everything.

Holding your face between his hands like you were the most delicate thing, he just sunk into the feeling of kissing you. It was almost like finding something he had been missing.

Like he had been missing kissing you.

Pulling back after what felt like forever, when it could’ve only been seconds? Minutes? Draco wasn’t sure. Time had completely escaped him.

His eyes met yours and it was like the two of you were lost in each other. 

The fact that the two of you were so wrapped up in each other, you didn’t see how whispers spread through the Great Hall and soon everyone was watching the pair of you.

You didn’t see how the golden trio shared a look between the three of them, each concerned about you, and how wrapped up you were in Draco. 

You didn’t see how Fred handed George five galleons, an obvious bet having been made between the two of them.

You didn’t notice how Pansy, filled with envy and rage, left the Hall in a strop, Blaise’s amused gaze following her. 

You did however, notice how easy it was to get lost in the blonde wizard.

Especially his lips, and the way he whispered three words against them, not breaking eye contact with you.

“I’m all in.”

Series Taglist: (If you’re in bold I’m unable to tag you for some reason, sorry!)

@weasleytwinswheezes @azkabanlexi @streetfighterrichie @queen-of-the-coven @gdee703 @thatguppienamedbae @crumpets-are-better-with-jam @savcks @remmyswritings @thescarletknight2014 @w0nderr @heyiheardyouwereawildone36 @moonlightorbit @ceeellewrites @nicole-prz @depressedchilipepper @swiftlymoniquesblog @soshitan @pastel-skyline @sokkasdarling @thatdumbbitchxx @emmamarie7708 @idkatee @malfovs @fadesbrina @slytherinxraven @purplewcrld @lauren-100 @lulbabes @s4dthrills @dracoswhore007 @parkeroffline @lord-byron @its-chickenwing-450 @hales-a-bells @loonyslytherin

Draco Taglist:

@torchwoodoctor @crouchless @coldheartedslytherin @a-coffee-bean @ochrythum

[kaistarus]

Surprise First Dates

Pairing: Nishinoya X Reader

Words: 3.9K

Summary: Noya wants your first date to be a surprise. His plans have a track record for ending in worst case scenario, so fingers crossed your night doesn’t end in complete disaster.

Notes: This could be thought of as a sequel to this fic, although you don’t need to read it to enjoy this one. It ended up pretty up a little long... but I love Noya so what can I say. It was bound to happen :)

Masterlist // Ko-Fi

You kept your eyes glued to the sidewalk as you walked beside Noya on a late autumn night. In your fall jacket pockets you fiddled with the ends of your sleeves in an attempt to calm the irregular beating of your heart. Internally, you cursed yourself for behaving so awkwardly.

Briefly you glanced over to Noya to see how he was fairing, but tore your eyes away when they met his curious amber stare dead on. In your peripheral you saw him tighten his grip on the straps of his backpack he’d brought for some reason before clearing his throat.

“You, uh, look really pretty by the way.”

“Oh, um, thank you,” your cheeks warmed and you squeezed your eyes shut. You needed to snap out of this before Noya thought something was wrong. “So, where are we going?”

“Surprise.”

You looked back over with a raised brow, “Well, what are we doing?”

“Surprise.”

“Okay, well what’s in the backpack?”

He met your suspicious gaze with a half-assed glare, “do you know what surprise means?”

“Obviously. I’m just trying to guess if it’s illegal or not.”

He scoffed. “Like I would ever do something illegal.”

You deadpanned at his response and he smirked back with a mischievous glint in his eyes that left you all kinds of suspicious. The only thing you knew about this date was that he seemed really panicked yesterday when the forecast said it might rain. As you scanned the sky now, however, there wasn’t a cloud in sight. There was a bit of a chilled breeze, but that was to be expected this time of year.

“So…” Noya picked at the straps hanging down on the backpack, “how was your day?”

“It was good,” you smiled to yourself and kicked a small rock that appeared in your path. “I chose the book I’m gonna write about for the essay we have for Tuesday. Haven’t actually started it though.”

Noya whipped his head toward you with his eyes wide. “We have an essay!? What are you-” He froze in realization and slowly turned back toward his shoes. “I mean… Yeah, heh, I haven’t started that either.”

You bit your bottom lip to hold back a laugh and nodded shortly. The path you were taking started to become a little too familiar; you'd recognized it as one you took nearly every day. Although it wouldn’t make sense for Noya to be taking you there...

“So, how’s practice going? You have nationals soon, right?”

“It’s awesome!” A huge smile covered his face. “I’ve been practicing overhand receives and Rolling Thunder, of course. Kageyama, Shoyo, and Four Eyes were selected for training camps which is good for us-well, Shoyo didn’t. This guy snuck in, which is fucking hilarious and I’m so proud of him. Daichi was pissed though, holy shit.”

You smiled fondly as he ranted on which seemed to throw him off once he realized how animated he’d become. His cheeks turned pink when he turned to you and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. I mean, it’s all good. I think we have a shot of doing really good this year.”

“That’s awesome,” you gave him a lopsided smile. “I can’t wait to watch you.”

“Really? You’re coming?”

“I mean, is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s more than okay.” You watched him smile to himself as he examined the path ahead. “I just wasn’t sure if you’d want to.”

“Of course I do.” You picked at the material of your sleeves again as your heart rate increased. “Hey, what’s a Rolling Thunder?”

“Oh, it’s when I receive the ball with one arm and then I… on the... “ He grimaced, “you know what? Nevermind.”

You raised an eyebrow, but decided it wasn’t worth pressing the matter. The school’s main building came into view in the distance, so it turned out you were right. He had been leading you toward school.

“I thought you didn’t like school?”

“Oh I hate school with every fiber of my being,” Noya confirmed before pulling a set of keys from his jacket, “but we’re not heading there.”

You looked at him wearily, but followed him past the hauntingly empty main building. Realization only hit you when you began cutting through the courtyard toward the athletics area. “Are we breaking into the volleyball gym?”

“It’s not breaking in if I have the key,” he said confidently, the keys jingling as he spun them around his finger. You hummed doubtfully at his unsound logic.

“You normally carry the gym key?”

“It’s usually Daichi, but he trusts me.” He said while you continued eyeing him with disbelief. “Fine, I agreed to finish late night cleaning for the next few weeks.”

“Gross,” you grimaced.

“Yeah, but it’s worth it.”

A smile crept onto your face as you watched Noya unlock the doors to the gymnasium-only failing three times before finding the right key. Noya bowed like a mock gentleman to gesture you into the gym, and you briefly wondered what could be so exciting about the volleyball gymnasium at night. Especially interesting enough that he would offer to do cleaning.

You bent down to slide your feet out of your outdoor shoes-setting them aside-before stepping onto the gym’s linoleum flooring before addressing Noya, “are we playing volleyball or something?”

It was really the only conclusion you could come to as you observed the room illuminated solely by the moonlight outside; the barred windows casting elongated shadows on the floor. It was eerie seeing the place normally filled with rambunctious boys so silent.

“Nah, I’m all volleyballed out for today,” Noya claimed, seated at the entrance to pull his sneakers off. “Besides, I’ve got tons of my own stuff at home, so we can do that anytime we want.”

Your chest tightened at the implication of his words, but his expression seemed nonchalant as he strolled past you toward a staircase that led to the overhang. Maybe he meant friends hanging out and playing volleyball together and you were the one who jumped to the dating conclusion. A blush crept up your neck as you focused intently on the hood of his sweatshirt while trailing behind him.

You needed to calm down. You weren’t even halfway through the first date.

You snuck a glance down at his free hand that swung carelessly beside him and wondered if it would be weird for you to grab it. People held hands on dates, right? Not that you had been on one, but that definitely was something that went along with dates. He was probably expecting it to happen too...

You furrowed your brow while probably overthinking something miniscule when you abruptly ran into Noya’s back.

“Are you okay?”

“Yep,” you answered while rubbing your aching nose. You realized Noya had led you to a door you’d never noticed on the far end of the viewing area. “Are we, uh, going in there? Where’s this lead?”

“Roof.” He unlocked the door more easily this time, once again signaling for you to enter first. You cocked your head to the side, mulling his answer over before narrowing your eyes at him.

“We’re definitely not allowed up there, Noya.”

“I have the keys though.” He said, jingling them for emphasis.

You groaned while debating the pros and cons of your situation. Cons were getting caught could get you in serious trouble with the school, while pros were you would get to continue your date with Noya. You let out a deep sigh before taking the first step up the staircase followed by Noya’s triumphant fist pump. You rolled your eyes fondly at how much of a freaking dork he was, but it still made your chest warm.

You were so screwed.

You opened the door at the top of the staircase with a nod of acceptance. The breeze was way chillier at that higher level and you wrapped your arms around yourself after stepping your socked-feet onto the frigid concrete roof. You made your way to the metal railing, which stung your hands at how cold it was as you looked over your small prefecture. The lights illuminated the darkness and even from this height you could admire how the street lamps decorated the dark.

“Okay, I’ll give. This is pretty awesome,” you looked over your shoulder adorning a smile that turned to confusion when you saw Noya in the center of the roof opening his backpack. “What are you doing?”

“Stuff,” he muttered, pulling out a folded piece of cotton fabric from his bag. You watched him puzzled as he shook it open to reveal a large blanket-dark red with volleyballs everywhere-and spread it across the ground.

You walked up to him as he kneeled down to straighten it all out and smirked, “cute blanket.” You teased.

“Shut up, my sister got it for me.” he grumbled, which only made you smile wider. Your cheeks were beginning to hurt with how much you’d been smiling that night.

After nodding to himself that the blanket was to his satisfaction Noya laid down, glanced up at you, and patted a space beside him. You tilted your head in confusion, but followed his lead by crawling near him and lying on your back.

A few moments of silence passed and you glanced over to Noya. His face was bright red and you furrowed your brow, puzzled. You turned back toward the sky to mull over your thoughts. Why was Noya so nervous all of a sudden? He’d been completely fine all night. If anything you’d been the one who was a nervous wreck.

You took a deep breath and just let yourself admire how beautiful the moon was. It was nearly full so it was bright enough that you go without a flashlight, but not enough to overpower the stars that speckled the ebony sky. You were fortunate to live in a smaller prefecture and not somewhere like Tokyo-even the smallest stars could shine bright in your sky.

You really had gotten lucky with the change in weather. It was a perfect night for-

 “Are we stargazing?” You asked, whipping your head toward him so fast you nearly got whiplash. His mouth was set into a straight line and he nodded slowly while avoiding your eyes. Your jaw fell slack at the admission. “Shut. Up.”

“I didn’t say anything,” He said, his tone offended when he turned to you with a scrunched up nose.

“Sorry, that’s not what I-” You flopped back onto your back and let out a breathy laugh. “I’m just surprised.”

“Oh… a good surprised?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

You heard the smile in his voice and it set off a flurry of butterflies in your stomach. For someone who you’d tried to convince yourself you hadn’t liked he was having an obnoxious affect on you tonight. You had an arm slung over your stomach while the other laid limply on the blanket and when you peeked down you noticed his was lying conspicuously close to yours, drumming his fingers anxiously against the ground.

You weren’t stupid. You could connect dots. You glared at your own hand as you begged it to move just several inches over, and cursed every second that it wouldn’t. You sighed in defeat and a shot of panic pulsed through you when Noya chuckled.

“What are you doing?”

You looked at his amused half-smile nervously, “what do you mean?”

“You looked like you were trying to poop.” Noya laughed lightly causing a blush to cover your face and you pulled that hand away embarrassed. His eyes widened at your reaction, “but like in a cute way.”

“Poop in a cute way?” You asked, dumbfounded at the concept.

“Yes?” He cringed at his answer before sighing and poking you in the bicep with puppy-dog eyes. “I’m sorry. Can you please put your hand back? I was trying to nonchalantly hold it after fifteen minutes of awkward tension.”

You pretended to contemplate before lying it back on the blanket. Instead of the promised fifteen minutes though Noya just grabbed your hand unexpectedly and your chest tightened in surprise. Your heart exploded at how weird it felt-not in a bad way, but in a comfortable and normal way. You liked how easily his fingers fit interlocked with yours and you nibbled on your bottom lip to stop yourself from smiling like an absolute idiot.

“Want to see something really impressive?”

You hummed in agreeance, not trusting yourself to form proper sentences at the moment, and saw Noya point to the sky in your peripheral vision.

“So that really bright one. That’s the end of the little dipper,” He said with a nervous tint to his voice. “Which is kind of basic, but there are cooler ones like cygnus which is really just a sky umbrella. That’s those two over there for the bottom...” he pointed around while continuing to describe the sky, looking over every few moments to make sure you were following. You nodded in acknowledgment when you found the ones he spoke about and your heart skipped at the excited smile that would filter onto his face.

“My favorite is triangulum though because what kind of constellation is a triangle? Also, did you know Hercules is just a bunch of squiggles?” He scoffed while drawing a pattern into the sky with one eye closed. “Like, he’s a Disney hero. You’d think he’d get something cooler than that.”

“How do you know this?” You eventually asked, rolling onto your side to admire how nice he looked illuminated by the soft light cast from the moon. His hand in yours flexed and he turned toward you with a nervous smile.

“Would you believe that I have a random interest in stars that no one’s ever known about?”

“Not particularly.”

He laughed nervously and began fiddling with the blonde part of his hair, then eyed you carefully. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek while you mulled it over, “I suppose.”

He rolled onto his side, as well, and you gave his hand a light squeeze for encouragement. “I may or may not have studied the constellations.”

Your eyebrows shot to your hairline at the confession, “why would you--you hate homework.”

“It wasn’t homework,” he rolled his eyes. “I just… really wanted to impress you.” He dragged a hand down his face. “I don’t know. Now it sounds stupid.”

“Noya…” You brought your conjoined hands forward to softly press your fist against his face, smushing his cheek. “I already think you’re cool.”

“Wait, seriously?” He leaned into your knuckles with a confused brow raised. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” you laughed.

He let his eyes fall closed with a breathy laugh. As he nuzzled gently against your hand you let yourself truly live in the moment, take in the serene smile on his face and feel the softness of his cheek against your skin. It was so surreal seeing him calm like this-a complete flip from his usual chaotic behavior at school. Being able to see him truly at peace like this filled your chest with a sense of pride.

“I know I’m not like the best at all of this, but I…” An eye peeked open as he spoke and you felt yourself tensing to combat the nervousness in his voice. “I really want to try.”

His sudden confession hit you like a train and you fumbled over the right thing to say, but the words you wanted were stuck in your throat.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have-” He winced at himself. “It’s just I like you and I’m having a lot of fun so… but I understand if you don’t like me like-”

“You really like me?” You asked, hopefully. “You mean it, no bull shit?”

His eyebrows rose and he looked absolutely baffled. He released your hand-your heart sunk at the sudden cold-but he quickly reclaimed it, cradling the back while he pressed it against the center of his chest. You looked up in surprise when you felt his heart pounding rapidly against your palm. He stared back at you with a determined gleam in his eyes, but his cheeks were a rosey shade of pink.

“No bull shit.”

He looked at you so earnestly and all you could was stare back in awe. This idiot just barrelled through every ounce of nerve he had and it was all you could do to maintain eye contact. You felt his grip loosening as the hope leaked from his eyes with each second you remained silent. After everything he’d done-the surprise date, studying to impress you, trying to ask you out again-there’s no way you would be the reason this didn’t work out.

Your gaze flickered down to his lips as they moved quickly with nervous chatter that you were too in your head to hear. He deserved something equally bold, you thought, as your hand resting on his chest fisted the material of his sweatshirt, beginning to pull him forward.

“But my sister was like, ‘Yuu no one will like you if you can’t match your socks’ and I was like ‘get out of the bathroom I’m trying to take a-” He paused with a deer-in-headlights stare as you began leaning toward him. “Are you about to punch me?”

You blinked in surprise at his conclusion. “What?”

“Oh my god, were you going to kiss me?” His mouth went slack as a blush crept onto your cheeks. “Holy fuck. Okay, wait-no, don’t wait. I’m ready-wait-I’ve never kissed anyone so don’t have high expecta-”

You rolled your eyes before leaning the rest of the way to press your lips against his. The angle was pretty awkward, your bicep hurt from the awkward position you were propping yourself into, but it was definitely your new favorite way of shutting him up. The kiss probably would have been better if Noya wasn’t all tensed up and not participating though.

When you pulled back you were comforted that Noya’s face was equally as crimson as yours probably was, except he was completely spaced out. You cocked your head and waved a hand in front of his face, jumping in surprise when he jolted up to sitting.

“That wasn’t fair,” he said, pointing an accusatory finger down at you. “I wasn’t ready.”

“Noya, you literally said, ‘I’m ready’.” You snorted, pushing yourself up to sit cross-legged across from him.

“Yeah, but I was still talking!” He said frantically, leaning close into your personal bubble.

“You’re always talking,” you pushed his face back, but he grabbed your hand with pleading eyes. Your heart was fighting hard to beat out of your ribcage from the kiss alone and him being this close was going to give you cardiac arrest.

“Well, I always have something important to say.”

You shook free of his grip and flopped onto your back again. It was your easiest escape route from the conversation. If you had to keep looking at him you were probably going to pass out or something pathetic.

You tried to calm yourself by searching for one of the constellations Noya had explained to you earlier in the night, but was rudely interrupted when Noya’s face replaced the sky. You took a sharp inhale when he placed his hands on either side of your head to help prop himself above you. His gaze dragged slowly across your face with hooded eyes and you decided that he really was intent on killing you that night.

He opened and closed his mouth several times before finally, barely above a whisper, he asked, “can I kiss you?”

Before you could even finish nodding he was pressing his lips against yours. Your eyes widened in surprise, but you quickly sunk into the moment absorbed in the contrast now that you were both fully participating.

As his lips moved slowly against yours you anxiously struggled with what you were supposed to do with your arms. He had shifted onto his forearms so the warmth from his chest radiated across your own, and as your heartbeat in a frenzy you wondered if he could feel it’s rhythm every time your chests pressed together. His fingers became interwoven in your hair and instinctually you gripped at the cotton fabric near his waist to keep yourself grounded.

You realized then that these careful, long kisses with Noya under the moon’s glow might be the most romantic moments in your entire life.

Eventually you had to pull apart, only enough to lay your foreheads against each other while taking exhausted breaths. When your eyes met you both took a moment to take each other in before he broke out into a dopey smile that you couldn’t help but mirror.

“So,” he started casually. “Does this mean you like me too?”

“No, Noya,” you began sarcastically, bringing your hands up to smash his cheeks together. “I spend all of my Saturday’s making out with random people on rooftops.”

“Well, I don’t know.” He gave a half-assed glare that did no damage with his face smushed together. “I just want to make sure I don’t misread anything.”

“I don’t know how you could possibly misread this,” you snorted, dropping your arms back to your sides.

“You’d be surprised what I’m capable of,” he said, propping himself up while wiggling his eyebrows.

You snorted, pushing against his chest to roll him off of you which he did with an exaggerated whine. A bubble of laughter left you and your head rolled to the side to face him with a bright smile.

“I like you,” you clarified for him, chest tightening at the sun rivaling smile that filled his face. “A lot.”

“Cool,” he let out a breathy laugh and swung an arm over his eyes. You saw him biting down his lip while the corners of his mouth fought their way into a smile. The butterflies in your stomach were in a frenzy over how absolutely adorable he was. You still had a hard time processing that this was actually happening to you.

Noya then turned back to you with a more mischievous look in his eye, “you realize what this means, right?”

“No?”

“It means I get to tell everyone that you have a crush on me,” he smirked, seeming incredibly satisfied with himself.

“Oh no,” your hand flew to your mouth in mock horror, “but my reputation.”

“If anything, I’m going to improve your reputation tenfold.” He rolled onto his stomach so he could grab one of your hands again which you offered to him willingly. Noya’s adoring smile as he played with your fingers made it hard to keep teasing him.

“That’s the opposite of what’s going to happen,” you watched him fondly and your clearly content demeanor didn’t match the mocking words. “Is it too late to take it all back?”

“Oh yeah,” he said, interlocking your fingers together. “You like me. I heard it, and now I’m going to brag about it to anyone within hearing distance.”

“No,” you whined. “You’re the worst.”

“Probably,” He laughed, dragging your conjoined hands to rub the back of your hand against his cheek, “but you get to deal with me now.”

Your eyes softened as he nuzzled against your hand. You couldn’t argue with him on that one, and truth be told you didn’t even hate the idea of everyone knowing about your feelings for Noya. At that moment, you sort of wanted to scream about them over the gymnasium rooftop’s railings for all of Miyagi to hear about.

So, if he wanted to tell every person he ran into that he was officially your problem then who were you to stop him.

[tricktster]

Is TST for the satanic temple

It is merely a happy happy happy coincidence, but don’t take that to mean that they don’t have my full-throated support and admiration.

Since you kids are on tumblr, I’m guessing a lot of you already know that The Satanic Temple (TST) is not, in fact, a group of people who worship Satan. For those of you who might (understandably) have TST confused with an an actual Satan-worshipping entity, rest assured - supporting TST requires no actual Satan worship - or anything worship, it’s a “non-theistic religion.” 

So, you might be wondering, what’s the point of a purported Satanic church that explicitly does not believe in, nor worship, Satan? 

Great rhetorical question! Thank you for the invitation to geek out! In this essay I will explain why The Satanic Temple is an incredibly clever maneuver to protect the individual rights and liberties of people in the United States of America, and why you should all, regardless of religious belief, stan them. I am sorry! This is going to be a long one! I’m going to use a page break!

(Apologies if anything I say here is really basic obvious stuff that you already know. I will probably cover some familiar ground, but I didn’t get taught about any of this in high school beyond a few throwaway paragraphs in a textbook, so I’m writing with an audience of ‘me in high school’ in mind.)

As you know, the founding fathers did some pretty wild shit when they decided on what the United States of America was going to look like, and among the wildest was the decision that America would not have a state religion. I cannot express to you guys how significant this decision was in shaping American culture... soooo I won’t try because it’s beside the point and this is already going to be way too long. All you really need to take away is the following:

The U.S. constitution provides both that religion and government are to be kept separate, and that the free exercise of religion is a fundamental individual right, and those portions of the constitution have pissed a lot of people off over the last 244 years.

So there’s actually three parts of the bill of rights that are in play here. In the First Amendment, we have the Establishment Clause, and the Free Exercise Clause:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion [The Establishment Clause], or prohibiting the free exercise thereof [The Free Exercise Clause]; or abridging the freedom of speech [...]”

These clauses were the only part of the Constitution that touched on religion until the 14th amendment was ratified in 1868. For those of you who are curious about the timing of a new amendment in 1869 and are as bad with significant dates as I am, the Civil War ended in 1865, and, as such, it’s worth noting that the purpose of the 14th Amendment was to guarantee equal civil and legal rights to Black people. I am not the first person to note that uh, we are clearly still working on that.

Anyway, for our purposes, the pertinent part of the 14th amendment is the Equal Protection Clause:

“No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

Okay, very broadly, here’s what each clause actually does:

The Establishment Clause says that the US government cannot sponsor any religion, or involve itself in religion to the benefit of one religion over another. 

The Free Exercise clause says that the US government cannot stop someone from holding a religious belief (or force them to adhere to another religious belief)

The Equal Protection Clause prohibits discrimination on the basis of religious belief

These all look pretty great on paper, but in practice, enforcing them has been wildly hit or miss. I’m going to discuss why, so I’ll say up front that none of this should not be construed as an attack on Christianity. Religious faith is intensely personal, and I want to emphasize that I am in no way advocating for adherents to the Christian faith to be unable to practice that faith. I am a sincere advocate for everyone to be able to freely practice their own religious beliefs (or lack thereof), and that’s exactly what’s at issue here - when one religion is positioned above all others, anyone who does not believe in that particular religion is impacted detrimentally.

So with that caveat in place, it’s important to recognize the following: the United States is, and has always been, a majority Christian nation. 65% of Americans identified as Christian in 2019, which is a historic low. Even ten years back, it was closer to 85%. In accordance with the demographics of the US, Christianity is, if anything, over-represented in US government. 85.4% of US congressmen identify as Christian. 82 out of the 100 senators identify as Christian (I’m not counting members of congress or the senate who identify as members of the Church of Latter Day Saints in those numbers). Furthermore, every single president has identified themselves as Christian - the spiciest America has gotten in re: the religious beliefs of a POTUS was JFK, who was, you know, Catholic.

This is important, because it directly impacts how we interpret what “separation of church and state,” “free exercise of religion,” and “nondiscrimination on the basis of faith” actually mean. When a country is predominantly comprised of people who share the same faith, that faith becomes part of the shared cultural concept of national identity: even though the US is, in practice, relatively diverse in terms of ethnicities and religious faiths (as far as countries go), if you ask someone on the street to imagine an American, they are probably going to imagine a white dude who loves Flag and also Jesus. That national identity is reflected in the country’s chosen representatives, and in return, in the legislation passed by those representatives and the behavior expressly condoned by the government as a whole. The end result of all of this is that in the United States of America, Christianity and the exercise of government frequently intersect.

Take the late forties and early fifties. WWII is over, and two global superpowers have emerged that are at diametrical positions; there’s our old capitalist pal the US in one corner, and in the other, the godless, socialist menace of the USSR. I’m being silly and hyperbolic here, but not about the godless bit: the USSR was officially an athiest state, and the government forcibly converted its citizens to atheism. So, the US squints at this and swings hard in the opposite direction; this is a Christian nation, we are sticking “under god” in the pledge of allegiance, we are putting Ten Commandment sculptures in front of our courthouses, we are mandating prayer in school, and if you have an issue with any of that, you are not a patriotic American.

Some of that stuff from the 50s still exists today (“under god” is still kicking around), but a lot more of it is essentially outlawed thanks to the branch of government that I haven’t mentioned yet, the federal judiciary. How this played out was essentially that someone would be impacted by state-sponsored Christianity, they would sue, and their case would eventually be appealed up to the level of the Supreme Court, who would look at the Constitution, admit that it’s pretty unequivocal about the whole separation of church and state thing, and bar the state sponsored religious practice at issue, or at the very least ensure that the state was not sponsoring one faith to the exclusion of others. So, to return to our ten commandments in front of the courthouse or nativity scene outside of a government building; (I’m really simplifying things here but this is the gist) the court has repeatedly decided, those are fine, as long as you give fair play to any other religion that wants to erect their own religious display there too. It’s either that all religions have an equal opportunity to be represented, or no religion does.

I know, this is supposed to be about why The Satanic Temple is cool. We’re getting there.

Let’s jump ahead to the early 2000s. Bush Jr. is president, thanks in no small part to massive evangelical Christian support, and those evangelical Christians have some demands: they want schools to teach creationism, they’re gunning directly for reproductive rights, and they have had enough of this whole gay nonsense. A lot of legislation gets passed during the Bush era that gives the Evangelical base what they want, and among those big evangelical wins was on teaching intelligent design in schools. This didn’t happen everywhere, but some states basically said that intelligent design could be taught alongside evolution in public school science classes, and that evolution and intelligent design had to be portayed as equally valid theories.

Obviously, a lot people were upset about this, because... well, it’s science class. Among the people who thought this whole thing was bullshit was a guy named Bobby Henderson, who wrote an open letter to the Kansas Board of Education in 2005. Referencing the Supreme Court decisions I discussed earlier (either all religious beliefs get equal play or none of them do), Bobby demanded that along with evolution and intelligent design, Kansas schools devote equal time to teaching the creation story of his religious faith, and if any of this is sounding familiar, that’s because Bobby described his religious faith as “Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.”

The memetic potential of this argument was basically designed for the internet era, and it wasn’t too long before purported adherents to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was filing lawsuits that challenged all sorts of government practices that obviously skewed Christian. They were making classic reductio ad absurdum arguments; if it was ridiculous that the government should promote the message of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a given sphere, it was equally ridiculous that the government should promote the message of other religious faiths in that same sphere.

The whole pastafarian movement had one major weakness, however - it was expressly, deliberately silly. Nobody could mistake a Flying Spaghetti Monster argument to be made in good faith, and the courts used this to basically ignore FSM challenges that would otherwise be valid. Here’s what the Nebraska federal district court decided in the big Flying Spaghetti Monster case, Cavanaugh v. Bartlet:

“The Court finds that FSMism is not a ‘religion’ within the meaning of the relevant federal statutes and constitutional jurisprudence. It is, rather, a parody, intended to advance an argument about science, the evolution of life, and the place of religion in public education. Those are important issues, and FSMism contains a serious argument, but that does not mean that the trappings of the satire used to make that argument are entitled to protection as a ‘religion.’”

That’s the Pastafarian problem in a nutshell. They had great points, but they weren’t actually a religion, and that left the courts free to disregard their arguments by saying that they lacked standing. “Standing” is legalese for the concept of who is able to bring a lawsuit based on a particular act or law. This sounds esoteric, but it makes logical sense: If your neighbor gets hit by an ice cream truck, is injured, and is now hundreds of thousands of dollars in the hole for medical debt, he has standing to sue the ice cream truck driver. He suffered an injury that was caused by the ice cream truck driver, and the court has the ability to direct the ice cream truck driver to pay for his medical bills and pain and suffering etc. If you, on the other hand, decide to sue the ice cream truck driver because they ran over your neighbor, well, did you actually get injured? Would it being about any sort of justice if the ice cream truck driver had to pay you money? If the answer is no and you try to sue anyway, the court’s going to kick that lawsuit out.

Constitutional challenges often die because the person suing doesn’t have standing to bring the case. Remember how I mentioned earlier that “one nation under god” is still in the Pledge of Allegiance? A case about that actually got all the way to the Supreme Court, before it was tossed out for lack of standing - the problem was that a student’s father had brought the lawsuit, instead of the student herself. Likewise, the Flying Spaghetti Monster cases usually went nowhere because the courts would say “okay, you’re claiming that this law is trampling on your right to practice your chosen religion, but your religion is deliberately ludicrous. Your holy book was published in 2006 and heavily features a beer volcano. You don’t actually believe in any of this, so you haven’t actually suffered the harm that you’re claiming this legislation caused.”

So, uh, how the hell does an athiest challenge the constitutionality of laws like the FSM movement tried to without just getting tossed out for lack of sincerity?

Okay. Okay. We’re finally here. Let’s talk about The Satanic Temple.

In 2013, after witnessing how the FSM movement failed to accomplish meaningful change, Lucien Greaves realized that even though the basic concept of what FSM was trying to accomplish was solid, the issue was in its execution. If you wanted to challenge laws that unconstitutionally favored Christianity, you couldn’t be joking around about your fake religion; you had to play it absolutely straight.

What Greaves came up with is incredibly clever. He set about constructing a new religion for the purpose of using the FSM playbook without falling into the same judicial pitfalls. He made sure that the new religion would constitute an actual belief system in the eyes of the law, which involved identifying the mission and core articulable tenents of the religion. I’m quoting them both below because they’re cool as hell:

The Mission of The Satanic Temple

“The mission of The Satanic Temple is to encourage benevolence and empathy among all people, reject tyrannical authority, advocate practical common sense, oppose injustice, and undertake noble pursuits.

The Satanic Temple has publicly confronted hate groups, fought for the abolition of corporal punishment in public schools, applied for equal representation when religious installations are placed on public property, provided religious exemption and legal protection against laws that unscientifically restrict women's reproductive autonomy, exposed harmful pseudo-scientific practitioners in mental health care, organized clubs alongside other religious after-school clubs in schools besieged by proselytizing organizations, and engaged in other advocacy in accordance with our tenets.”

The Seven Tenets of The Satanic Temple

1. One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.

2. The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.

3. One's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone.

4. The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.

5. Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.

6. People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.

7. Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.

Tenets aside, though, this next bit is what just delights me to my core with how crafty it is: Instead of making up his own religious text and history, he went directly to the Bible and said (I’m paraphrasing) “the historical foundation of The Satanic Temple is the exact same as the historical foundation of Christianity. We share the same holy book, and our faiths are grounded in the same tradition. Here’s the only difference: We believe with all sincerity that the character in that book who said ‘hey, try the apple, the pursuit of knowledge is worth rebelling against authority for’ is actually the good guy in the story, and although we are not a theistic organization, it is our sincere religious belief to comport ourselves in the manner espoused by the literary character Satan.”

Holy shit, guys. Holy shit, that is smart. He set up his religion so that you couldn’t attack it for being fake without also attacking Christianity for being fake! Simultaneously, he designed a religion that would reliably produce the perfect reductio ad absurdum argument- you want to display your ten commandment statue on public land? Okay, chill, but per the Constitution, we get equal play, so if you want those ten commandments, you’d better be cool with them sitting right next to our 3000 lb bronze statue of children gazing adoringly up at Baphomet:

Oh, wait, you don’t want to have that statue on government property? Cool. Totally fine. Just take your ten commandments slabs away too, and we’ll call it a truce.

The Satanic Temple exists to protect individual constitutional rights. Regardless of your own religious sentiment, it’s hopefully easy enough to see how incredibly shitty it would be to have your elected government promote religious beliefs that you do not share, to have religious sentiments that you find abhorrent expressly condoned by the government, or to have your own rights of expression and against discrimination constrained by a government that expressly santions only the religious beliefs of the majority, in spite of the concepts expressed in the United States Constitution. The only way to challenge an unconstitutional law is to sue, and it takes a lot of time, effort, and most of all resources to see a constitutional lawsuit through. Organized religion and government entities have a much easier time defending those cases than an individual does in suing them; by supporting The Satanic Temple, you’re directly evening the odds.

P.S. I know I talk a big game about how cleverly The Satanic Temple was designed, but you know how you can tell that it’s actually brilliant? The IRS granted it tax exempt status as a religious entity in 2019. Yup. Even with the IRS directly under the thumb of Donald J. Trump, a man desperate to maintain evangelical support, the IRS finally had to concede that they could not find any reason why The Satanic Temple shouldn’t be treated the exact same way as any other church. Angry that a Satanic entity doesn’t have to pay taxes on its income? Well, buddy, get ready to learn what megachurches get away with.

[stylishanachronism]

Classic Aedyran and/or Dyrwoodan love story archetypes (and which gods they do and/or REALLY REALLY DO NOT invoke or involve)?

This went extremely sideways and also has no internally consistent organization, but that’s why it’s a series of bullet points and not an essay.

So Aedyrans are pretty obviously into three things: duty, tragedy, and Drama. Like on the surface it’s all austere dutiful piousness but go like, an inch below that and the dramatics just start pouring out.

-I’m not saying Aloth isn’t like, legit anxious about the very real trouble he’s about to be or currently in, I’m just saying a solid chunk of that is rooted in a culture that takes ancestor worship to really weird places, among other things, and literally none of it is as big a problem as literally anybody is making it out to be.

—the appearance of not even wrongdoing but just.... not enough virtue signaling is *just as bad* as actual wrongdoing. (They blackmail that one kid with his mom’s probably-fictional indiscretions? To the point where it kills him even.) Like ‘I saw Goody Proctor vent’ is actually the name of the game here.(1)

That being said, and given soap operas have not been invented, we’ve probably got three major schools of art:

-high brow morality plays in which either our poor ill fated couple, torn apart by (unscrupulous relatives? That hussy down the street? A wild misunderstanding involving a stolen baby who was swapped for another stolen baby? Somebody’s being tempted away from true love here, to whatever end) fate, dutifully come back to each other and are deliriously respectably happy together, or fall into despair and die over their bad choices. Think extra-overwrought Victorian ‘modernists’(which I heartily don’t recommend.), crossed with the soapiest tellanovellas you can imagine (which if you’re into that style of drama, I do)

-fantasy Shakespeare, where all the dick jokes are so old nobody recognizes them any more, possibly with a moral stapled to the end

-eyebrow raising, too much for today’s delicate stomachs, fucking wild shit presented as ‘educational’, with worse shit underground(2), because the veneer is more important than the reality of the thing.

But the major tropes you’re going to see like.... overall, not just in theater, are probably more community based? Like, you fall in love with your neighbor’s kid, she falls in love with you, so you both go to your mothers and they’ll determine whether it’s a good match or not, you technically don’t really get a say in the matter.(3) There’s also probably a lot of superstition involved? Like, if the omens are bad you’re not getting married, but if they’re just okay you may have to wait six months.

-also there’s a lot of hideously complex contract work over who’s marrying into what, among other things.

—divorce isn’t an option! Better hope your relatives pick wisely!

—- more accurately divorce is even more hideously complex and expensive, so unless your spouse is actively trying to kill you it’s probably not worth it, and even then you’d probably have serious second thoughts.

In terms of like, the Ideal Romantic Partner (not necessarily romantic partner, but given you’ve got to be married if you want to(socially acceptably) have sex or have kids, because Aedyrans are wild), you’re probably looking at someone dutiful, who will put their own comfort second to keeping their word, cultured but not smug about it, efficient but thorough, graceful and always perfectly composed no matter what happens, soft spoken without being servile, and the whole package should come across as effortless.

We’re attempting to ignore all the work I’ve done re: shitty Protestants, so we’ve canonically got nobody actually in charge of marriage anywhere, so probably you’re praying to Woedica (to keep your contract) and Hylea (if you need this marriage to be fruitful), and maybe even Ondra (to ensure everybody remains faithful, because Aedyrans are Dramatic, and the fucking moon bedroom is a thing)

As for the Dyrwodans:

Less repression + more inversion ceremonies mean they’re way less dramatic in general, but obviously that means they’re still Really Dramatic, given they’re into swearing eternal feuds over literally nothing every other day. They place a much stronger importance on soul lineages than blood lineages, but whether you take that into consideration re: romance probably depends on what current feuds your family and/or community is currently embroiled in, and how serious they are. And if you have the cash/local cipher to get said lineage traced.

-Theater tropes are going to tend towards the comedic (think 27 dresses, or some other friendshippy romcom) and bawdy, and also fantasy Shakespeare, now with added dick jokes, because the existing ones are still too old to be recognizable, and probably some of the less overwrought Aedyran and Vailian plays, maybe. Also the whole theater plot, because that is a thing, even if they’ve had to bury it both deeper and shallower than Aedyr.

As a general thing, marriage is still mostly a practical thing, and while your families are definitely involved, they’ve generally got much less of a say in it. Outside of high society weddings, which are obviously more alliances than anything else, there’s generally not a contract so to speak; because children belong to their mothers, and nobody much cares where she got them unless she’s already married, when and if she does get married, it’s socially expected that her new spouse will join her household, and splitting up a household is so socially unacceptable murder is a neater, less fraught solution than divorce(4).

Your Ideal Romantic Partner (who probably is romantic, unless you need an extra pair of hands all the time that badly) is clever without being supercilious, with an easy disposition and a good sense of humor, willing to take life as it comes, but also to defend what they’ve got to their last breath, generous and community minded, but still independent enough not to need looking after, forthright but not unkind, and you should be able to tell how hard they work for whatever it is they want.

As for gods: pre everything, you’re probably looking to Abydon, to build your disparate members into a household, and Eothas, to make that household into a home. Post everything, it’s just Abydon, maybe Magran to ask that whatever trials you face make you stronger together. I don’t know, there isn’t a really good option there re: canon.

1: the Readcerans somehow take this even further but in an even weirder direction, this shit is wild, babes, but we’re not talking about them today

2: I’ve got a specific horrible irl example in mind but we’ll go with the theater quest in PoE, turned up to 11, because that lot hasn’t had nearly as much time to get established as Aedyran equivalents have.

3: congrats this is why Aloth is so hard to romance I guess. Nobody has approached his mother about him/he hasn’t asked his mother to approach anyone. Also I have extensive thoughts on the vagaries of social class re: marriage, so like, who exactly does the approaching is probably equally complex!

4: look I didn’t put that quest in there, what the fuck else am I intended to think? ....I mean Obsidian definitely definitely didn’t expect me to come up with polyamory gone wrong but like I’m not reaching when I say that’s the conclusion I came to. Hooray for weddings?

[touchmycoat]

I LOVE YOUR PORN AU!!!!! LIKE SO MUCH - and i'm just. if you don't mind me asking, how - the way you flesh out the characters, their motivations, and feelings in every scene in such an eloquent way, and just little things here and there, a habit or an activity that adds dimension to who they are, and - your prose is wonderful. you achieve this addictive, engrossing narrative space that readers just absolutely melt into, and i have to ask - how did you develop your writing style? 1/2

what books did you read that formatively shaped the way you write? or you know, what did you do to improve your writing? i'm so in awe of how you world-built and established the porn au - like lqg & hc being national taolu champions?? how do you come up with that stuff? i cannot comprehend the amount of research and effort that must've gone into porn au, and i'm just so deeply thankful that you decided to share that with us. i apologize if i'm coming on too strong, but wow. thank you 2/2

--

oh my god please don't apologize, when i saw your ask i rolled on the floor giggling hysterically for a solid 15 min, bless your heart

part of the answer to your question—i've taken like, 8 years' worth of creative writing classes/workshops! there was also a transnational literary component to my degree so whenever possible, i took literature classes fksjdfksd so whatever you see and like is definitely the result of a lot of work. My writing from not even 10 years ago but like, 5? horrid, ridiculous, wild, cringe. The Porn AU itself is the second draft of a MUCH more lackluster piece.

about my writing style. gosh, you really know how to make a writer blush. "I like your writing style" is literally an instant kill LMFAO okay okay, the useful answer: my primary criteria for choosing what to write is, don't be obvious, be interesting. Fiction tells us to show, not tell, right? Poetry is about concretizing the abstract. Screenwriting says cut all useless lines. A lot of writing rules and advice—never start with the weather, avoid detailed descriptions of the characters, don't use adverbs, etc.—are all really about this exact sentiment.

I once took a seminar on writing for horror movies. The golden rule of the horror genre is Never Show the Monster, because whatever the audience is imagining is always going to be scarier than what you actually show them. There are obviously exceptions to this (to all writing rules), but in my mind, it's all the same principle.

LONG answer under the cut

So you start with building a scene. I approach it like essay-writing—I state my thesis for the motivations/main propulsion of the plot. "In this scene, LQG and SY are motivated to save Cang Qiong's porn production, so they have sex on camera." Then you build the sub-motivations: "LQG is also doing this because he's pining after SY."

I learned this "thesis-writing" from theater, specifically from writing 10-min plays. Theater is all about characters being driven by their wants and needs, and the reason I say 10-min plays in particular is because longer forms of writing will give you more leeway, but in 10-min, you pretty much need your character motivations established from their very first line. That's why you need that very clear thesis for yourself—if you don't even know what the character wants from the get-go, then you can't establish who they are, what they want, and where they're going to go in a dynamic and interesting way.

So this thesis drives EVERYTHING that happens in your scene, just like an actual thesis for an essay, just like topic sentences for your paragraphs. Once I do this, I have the emotional direction & narrative scope of how much this scene will cover, I have a sense of where it begins and ends. "Begin with the dynamics of their sex. LQG starts showing signs of his feelings. Reveal LQG backstory for exactly what those feelings are and why he isn't telling SY. The rest of the scene implies that LQG's feelings may not be so unrequited, but also sets up the fundamental problem at the heart of the whole fic—SY's inability to comprehend his own feelings." This is kind of my new thesis now. They're having sex; LQG pines; SY doesn't know he himself is pining.

Now it's time to manifest. This is the "storytelling" part, and the hardest lmfao.

Personally, my approach is largely shaped by my very cool screenwriting teacher, who hammered into us: don't fucking waste lines. The Golden Rule of screenwriting is that every line should reveal something new. I found my old writing kind of repetitive, especially on the emotional front, so this is kind of my editing mantra now—is this line either propelling the story or revealing character? If it's revealing character, is it a revelation that has to happen right now, or is it slowing the momentum of the scene?

But these aren't rhetorical questions! "Momentum" doesn't just mean tumble forward as fast as you can, it also means taking the time to draw the bowstring back further, so your next move has even more propulsion. That's why you get the little "LQG has been in love with SY..." cut scene in the middle of the fucking (at least, that's my reasoning for putting it there). Every line has to bring a fresh revelation that "proves" your thesis further.

That brings me to the details. You said you like the details I inject into the world-building, and honestly that's so gratifying to hear, because that means I'm successfully manifesting my intentions, y'know? "Every line has to bring new info" kind of sounds like a tall order, but the most effective way I've seen it done in books and onstage/onscreen is with these hyper-specific details. If you're writing a scene in which someone feels dirty, never have them just say that—have them say they want to take a shower. Show them running out of bleach again as they scrub down the stall after they wash. Begin the scene like "Steve always washes his throat first now." Then pack the scene with even more revelatory details: "Soap in hand, he heard the pipes above his head groan for a half note on adagio, and readied himself for the blast of icy water that always followed." Shitty shower, probably not rich, is likely a classical musician.

By the same token, I want to build LQG's character. The "Liu Qingge has been in love with Shen Yuan" section is the first insight we get into his background and perspective, right, so: I need to establish LQG's emotional context for filming this scene -> I can characterize him as a nut for martial arts in the same stroke -> so this takes place at a gym, beating up sandbags is a classic way of showing manly emotional distress -> so give me more details on this gym -> Puqi Gym, XL the martial god is obviously the owner -> how do I have XL & LQG a relationship beyond gym owner & client? They spar together -> I want XL & HC's position in this AU to mirror their god/ghost king statuses in TGCF canon -> how can I concretize their fighting prowesses in real-world details? -> they're martial arts champions -> what's an actual competitive martial art form that involves weaponry? -> wushu -> wikipedia Wushu, find taolu weapons sparring

(I just realized that in my songxiao daycare AU, Hualian are Olympic gold medalists by the same narrative logic laksjdnflaksjdnflsd)

So, that's the flow of logic behind my world-building lmao. It's all in the details. Leverage is one of my all-time favorite TV shows and the way they build their stories is super inspiring. If their thesis is "the rich and powerful take what they want, we steal it back for you," they manifest it in the most specific and concrete narratives: mine workers who like the work but are fighting for workplace safety vs. the money-grubbing mine owner who will blow up their livelihoods if it means a bigger payday; the little girl from Iraq with refugee status forced to be an accomplice to antique smuggling vs. international smuggler with a fetish for British royalty.

Last pieces of writing advice I've gotten: pay attention to the real world. A writing exercise we did was just sit in a public spot and make concrete observations on our surroundings. There are stories in everything!!! I learned to observe things like weird holes in the concrete (earthquake? drilling accident? bullet mark?), odd patches of moss or bird shit (look overheard: it's an AC unit dripping water for the former and nesting swallows for the latter), ladies in flipflops walking alongside ladies in high heels (excited mother walking her antsy daughter to the bus for the daughter's first job interview—the daughter's shirt collar is unfashionable and she's taking the bus, so there's a good chance the shoes were passed down, maybe from an office lady aunt. Maybe she's even overdressed for the interview, so will her outfit be an unintended source of tension once she gets to the interview? Is it a group interview, to make the comparison more stark?).

Also, write what you know. You know why SY is a video editor in porn AU? Because I'm a video editor. One of my more popular MDZS fics is set in a plant shop 'cause I worked in a plant shop. SL was First AD in Bachelor!AU 'cause I was First AD on a set once. Concrete details like the editing software having a split-screen, always answering questions about how often to water plants, and being up until 3AM editing call-sheets are the ones that will fully immerse your readers.

And if you can't do the actual things, just watch someone who is, listen to them talk, pick up lingo, and fake it. I watched like a 15-min vox video on fencing for the fencing!AU and a 45-min music theory video on the hospital pianist!AU (also I started learning piano sklfjnlsdjlfkjsd). Of course, I just finished reading a wangxian fic that had me going, "holy fucking shit, the author is literally getting their masters in a music program" so my 45-min youtube video ain't shit, but if you just need a little bit of character establishment, then it's enough to do the trick.

Anyways, tl;dr. Find the details, find the tension. Never tell outright what the tension is supposed to be, manifest it instead. Make the manifestation as interesting as possible, and if it's meant to be funny, make it funnier.

Sorry this turned into a fucking lecture lskjnflskdjnflskd but last thing, someone asked me before if I had formative authors, and this was the list I wrote at the time:

Angels in America (play) by Tony Kushner

The God of Small Things (novel) by Arundhati Roy

The Penelopiad (novel) by Margaret Atwood

“Litany in Which Certain Things are Crossed Out” (poem) by Richard Siken

Night Sky with Exit Wounds (poetry) by Ocean Vuong

Giovanni’s Room (novel) by James Baldwin (and then Go Tell it on the Mountain and then his essays)

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

And, ooh, now that I have this list I think I can even roughly sort it as such: Kushner, Atwood, Siken, and Salinger I really latched onto for their dialogue and very present narrator voice—same is true for Go Tell it on the Mountain. Roy, Vuong, and Giovanni’s Room, I think, are texts more representative of the kind of saturated figurative language I like, and emulate. Of course they all do imagery and voice and overall structure amazingly, but that’s the rough dividing line I’d draw.

But yeah James Baldwin is my fucking hero.

[transsexualbloodlust]

Shrek and SPN an analysis

okay i said i would do a shrek and dean arch analysis and i’m here to deliver

before we ~get into it~ i’d like to say that this started out as being based on my head canon that dean likes the first shrek movie and the musical (secretly) but instead it just became it’s own analysis of the parallels, I will be doing a very short explanation of why i think that after this.

okay let’s do the obvious parts: the both have layers, and they r both bisexual and homophobic (i will not take criticism on this i’m right and u know it)

in regards to the layers:

In the shrek musical we get to see shrek’s childhood and back story. The basic summary is that on his 10th birthday his family abandons him and tells him he has to raise himself, that society will never accept him so he needs to “build a wall” (emotional) and find somewhere no one can get to him (emotional and literal). Shrek grows up knowing he is hated by society and although he doesn’t try to outright conform his choice of being the monster everyone wants him to be and living alone was conforming in itself, we learn later in the movie that shrek is lonely and wants friends but is afraid of vulnerability and how people view him. Now I’m sure we’ve all read a million and one essays on Dean’s personality but you’ll be reading one more. Dean also gets metaphorically thrown out, especially emotionally, by his father and is forced to fend for himself, except (and this is why shrek and dean’s personalities r so different) dean has sam and is forced to raise him. (dean is the woman coded version of this arch and shrek is the man coded version, once again i take no criticism). Dean is forced to live on the outskirts of society, constantly hopping schools, knowing about monsters and hunting, and he embraces that role as a form of protection for himself. This of course mixes with the way J*hn villanises dean to himself, he’s verbally abusive (and almost definitely physically) and holds dean to such a high standard he can never see himself as good enough. Not to mention how his bisexuality is likely seen as something disgusting. So in order to save himself he embraces that roll that his father has layed out for him, to the point where (like shrek and his roar) is very much a performance.

okay so how are the plots similar/something dean can relate to??

well dean and shrek both exist within the outskirts of society, never really wanting to enter and seemingly content with the performance they give. However (in very different ways) their ability to uphold the performance is tested and they embark and a journey to be able to go back to normal life. Shrek has to deal with the fairy tale creatures, and Dean has to save his father. (I genuinly think a lot of deans dependency on j*hn had to do with how much he based his identity on the man, and even though he does care about him and wanted to save him, his dependence on john and inability to recognize the abuse was a part of the performance he had to uphold). They then both get side characters , both Sam (no he’s not the main character stfu) and Cas for dean, and donkey for shrek. Who push them emotionally and force them to explore the possibility of life outside of that performance. They then both assume the roll of heros, something that their self image never truly allowed for. And when they get back to their old lives/rolls they realize it’s not something they truly want anymore, and that maybe it never was. Deans is much more subtle because he always feels the obligation to continue being a hunter wich is so heavily tied to the imagine J*hn projected on to him that he couldn’t move away as quickly as shrek did. But we start to see it in season 10. Then we ofc get to see the parallels between the love confessions. 😀😐

Okay so there’s the obvious “oh no they hate me what will i do” nature to both shrek/fiona and deancas but there’s literally so much more holy shit.

Cas/Fiona parallels:

The way Cas and Fiona r similar has a lot less to do with backstories and more to do with the essence of their arch’s, how they’re used, and how they’re coded. Cas and Fiona have Very different lives, however they where both agencies of the status quo. Fiona wants to be this maiden in her tower and be saved, and she actively reinforces that by following the ideas of a fairy tale even though she truly doesn’t understand the purpose of what she’s going through. Cas on the other hand is an actual soldier of god, he actively fights to uphold the bible and bring about heaven winning, he works to reinforce heavens power. However both he and fiona don’t fit the model of their stories perfectly and in doing so r rebelling against the story. Fiona is Quircky TM, and a whole ogre, she doesn’t fit into the basic model of her story and the fact that she’s different is what causes her to rebel against the story. Her very existence is what caused her to question the narrative. Cas’s very existence defies the narrative because he, unlike most angels, cares about humanity (dean, like humans but mainly dean). He is supposed to be an unfeeling soldier of the lord but instead he ends up being gay for a repressed kansas boy which throws a cog in the narrative he’s supposed to play out and causes him to question it. And on top of that their personality is what pushes their love interest to confront the parts of themselves they aren’t really willing to embarrass. Dean being bi and Shrek being an ogre. 

Okay so the actual confession parallels:

Obviously they are different, for one shrek is canon reciprocated in all countries (that i know of). But thematically?? what the characters r saying to eachother?? girl i’m loosing it.

Shrek is about accepting ones self as who u truly are and recognizing that that doesn’t need to be changed for u to be lovable. And Cas’ speech does exactly that, it tells dean that even though he views himself as a monster who’s driven by hate, even though he see’s him as his enemies do (think shrek seeing himself through the townsfolks eyes) he is actually driven by love and that he, without changing, is lovable in every sense of the word. More than that he’s lovable by what common society would consider to be the Ideal (angels being like 🤩 and princesses being 🤩). In this confession of love Dean/Shrek r moved to accept themselves as they are, Shrek in the moment and Dean later when he doesn’t kill chuck. And their loved one has their final closure to their story. Fiona is forced to accept herself as an ogre as well and Cas shows that he’s, like Dean, fundamentally driven by love even though he was told he shouldn’t be.

This is where we once again see the whole “dean and shrek have the same arch but dean’s is woman coded” thing which I will be getting into in a separate essay. But the basic idea is that Shrek comes to the realization partially on his own and gets final validation from Fiona where as Dean gets confessed to. 

Then after the initial confession both lovers are pulled apart, deancas have the empty, and shrek/fiona are briefly pulled apart by lord farquad. In both instances the characters are punished for the fact that they’re in love. HOWEVER shrek understands good story telling and has the lovers come back together.

And then ofc both Fiona and Cas get enveloped :D (Cas in goop and Fiona in light)

But this where we get into the exploring where Supernatural’s narrative SHOULD have gone, (as shown in shrek):

After the love confession we finally get to see Shrek realize that he isn’t the monster society painted him as and that that requires absolutely no change on shreks part, he’s accepted himself and realized that he can tear his walls down. Dean goes through the tearing down of walls much slower throughout the seasons, because Dean has the woman coded version of this narrative he already understands found family but he doesn’t understand that he is worthy of his family’s love in return. 

So in Shrek we see shrek live out his life with his found family, he’s had his arch he understands his worth and he realizes that he doesn’t want to be alone. Now as a finale denialist I will not be talking about what happens in the finale but we’ve all seen it and you know how supernatural doesn’t follow through.

This was so much fun i will be doing more later but I hope y’all enjoyed this <3

[standarrow]

abbacchio essay under the cut because he’s so important to me (god this is so long im sorry i have adhd i hope this is readable<3)

tl;dr being on how i think he healed and handled up until part 5 :”) + thoughts on his relationship to the team

tw!!! for all of the usual things that pertain to his backstory including: [death, alcohol abuse, police, ptsd/depression, etc]

i may be projecting<3 its fine

to start:

im not a fan of the way a lot of people handle handle abbas trauma and illness. the "entering a relationship fixes your problems<3" shit. or the romanticization of depression...i see both a lot, along with utilizing his substance issues as like a catalyst. i dont have to say why that shit isnt ok or healthy.

getting into it (because i want it to be this deep):

there is ... a lot of guilt that he shoulders around the death of his partner. someone he was friends with (and relied on him as a literal partner) died because He fucked up. that person wanted to protect him and died selflessly while he'd broken his own morals and he feels like it should have been him to pay for it. 

but he wasnt. and now he suddenly has two mistakes and blood on his hands. getting fired doesnt even Begin to fix that, so he withdraws because he cant trust himself, cant trust the institution he was already disillusioned from, and imo hes angry that he didnt get punished worse for his own crimes (but cops always get off easy)

bruno finds him in the worst place of his life and gives him a chance to put schedule in his life, to protect even if its not in the way he originally thought he would. he still doesnt trust himself, i do not think he takes to working with a partner easily (what if he fucks up again. he'll get bruno/narancia/fugo killed.) and i think that reflects in why moody blues isnt meant for combat. combat = danger. 

obligatory moody blues being an allegory for his trauma and ptsd surrounding the death of his partner.. constantly haunted by his own mistake and reliving that moment. heavily referencing his wish to redo, to know every detail of that prick he let bribe him that killed his partner, to have Control. because abbacchio isnt really about The Moment -- he's making sure the Moment doesnt have a chance to come to fruition. its nipping it in the bud before the weed can kill. he wants to make sure he can figure out whats going on First and protect. to figure out past events and prevent future danger.

starting to heal:

i’ve done a timeline previously: he graduates high school in 1998, six months for the police academy, 6 months before hes out again.. joins passione in december (rainy season) of 1999, and by december of 2000 (~4 months before part 5) hes like.... well. doing better in terms of his alcoholism. we see abbacchio by part 5 occasionally and seemingly comfortably enjoying a glass or two, which speaks that after some time working hes sort gained some..... confidence in his ability to keep his intake low. 

working for bruno means he cant drink as often or binge as much, hes needed and that structure keeps him in check, its not easy and yes he slips but its about and overall upwards climb because any progress is good progress... he builds a rapport with the team, comes to appreciate brunos role in giving him a chance and some peace of mind, sees himself in fugo, treats narancia like a little brother. relationships with others cant Fix your problems but friendship and structure can help, they can be there when you need it.

hes starting to trust himself more. and his relationship to fugo and nara were as crucial as his one with bruno is.

in purple haze feedback we see that he's been teamed up with fugo, and he knows fugos stand ability very well (see mirror man fight)... they Get each other and abbacchio sees a lot of his anger and distrust at himself in fugo, and easily calms fugo down when he gets upset (see mirror man episode in the car) 

fugo helped him trust himself and others more .. that other people arent Fragile and arent going to die on him every time they get into danger and its not His fault. he relies on fugo and vice versa. the kid is powerful but also a smart tactician and extremely capable. they Get each other and it helps abbacchio trust himself in combat situations and helps calm his paranoia about getting someone killed while working ... and nara is just sunshine. hes an annoying little brother but it helps him retain normalcy. some sense of like. not everything is doom and gloom

his depression and general self? depreciation perhaps doesnt leave him because those kinds of thoughts mould your brain a certain way.. they dont just go away without some work. but perhaps time with bruno helps him start to realise his worth, the way the team appreciates him and his ability. his self consciousness can start to fall away a little bit. i think by the time december of 2000 (a year after his recruitment by my timeline) hes like... a lot more comfortable with the schedule of his life, it helps him get out of bed, gives his brain a structure to latch onto. the responsibility of overseeing the younger ones and helping bruno gives him the sort of hope for this original goal of wanting to protect

@ bruno (in a more romantic sense perhaps + why i think he distrusts giorno so much)

his relationship to bruno isnt fucking “godlike savior<3″ because thats.... needless to say Very unhealthy. 

their relationship doesnt reach a point by where i think Either would even want to enter a relationship until about a year in (~4 months before part 5 begins)... theres a certain uncertainty i think bruno has with wanting to help abbacchio, he respects and cares about the other man and canonically sees him as his senior.. and i think theres a certain wall there that bruno isnt sure he wants to try to knock down, meanwhile abbacchio isnt sure when he built those walls but theyre safe (and what happens if you try to reach out?)

i think they sort of fall into it and its not... planned. its a little impulsive but it feels natural and they help each other because bruno is this comfort to abba, is the reason he has this structure and has made this progress himself and hes not....crediting it all to bruno obviously but bruno did play a Large Role. and bruno is all about little white lies, appearances. Yes hes fine. Dont worry, he has things under control. 

and i think to an extent abbacchio knows of brunos softer spots (as does fugo, bc of the reason he and fugo team up as described in phf is to protect him) but abba doesnt realise to the extent that bruno is .... hiding his real fears. brunos a lot about compartmentalization (hi zippers) and being let into brunos internal... thoughts beyond the occasional worries he mightve shared is a big step for them. bruno buries a lot of his internal problems and worries. he has to. hes got to keep moving, keep working; people rely on him... but abbacchio is the person he doesnt feel like he needs to protect because theyre equals and maybe he can let someone in to shoulder his worries and vice versa. theyre partners.

which is why i think abbacchio initially distrusts giorno so much... its not tht he doesnt trust bruno, but bruno doesnt Tell him about this. he realizes he might not know all brunos fears (specifically @ his distate and hate towards the mafia i made the point about in the bruno isnt evil post where its like.. he Couldntve shared that information, otherwise he would endanger abbacchio)

and it scares him. it freaks him the fuck out because he doesnt understand who this kid is or why bruno trusts him so much but he trusts bruno so he goes with it, even if he doesnt Understand.

anyways thts my TEDtalk ty i love you for reading this if you got here<3

[berrymeter]

idk anything about the grace period for deltarune u can just keep this ask in the attic until that’s over.. anyway.. i really liked chap 2 i played it in one sitting 😭 the rpg combat is enjoyable enough and just the right amount more complex than the undertale combat is, although not very difficult. very touching power of friendship moments minus that fucking bird man. some of the dialogue felt quite fandom tropey and surface-level, and queen’s lines (love her tho) were hit or miss for me. i think the biggest frustration i have with it is all the useless random encounter characters clogging up your world 😞😞 there’s only so many wacky one-liners toby can give them and i am not invested enough to care! also some of those designs are uglie!! there are better ways to make a world feel real and lived in. same thing happened with undertale.

BUT it was a great time! i liked the juxtaposition between the ultimately harmless antics and charming banter with the gang and queen, and the more sinister plot going on in the background. most obviously in the ending. toriel and susie making a pie while kris RIPS OUT THEIR SOUL….spoiler warning.. did u see the theory that the soul aka red heart is you the player operating kris the vessel? i’m definitely not a theorist but i like seeing all the loose plot ends i’m having a good time. i love noelleeeeee 💞💞💞💞and i liked susie a lot more this chapter. when ralsei taught her a healing spell 😖😖 i still don’t really care about ralsei though 😓

special shoutout to the spinning teacups ☕️☕️☕️ and special NOT-shoutout to the mice games with the rotating blocks i never understood how to do that.

it was a very feel-good game. it made me feel good. standards for video game passed. what did u think tho!! i mean i assume u liked it but for the same reasons? different ones? feel free to respond with an excruciatingly long essay of ur own <3 we are back to the tt anon blocks of text i restrained myself for a bit but we are back -tt

hiii tt anon <3 back at it again with the asks that i am looking forward to answering. if i post this a little before the 48 hours i will be forgiven bc i will use the deltarune spoilers tag and also the long post tag LMAOO anyway anyway oh btw never refrain urself from sending blocks of text if my followers are mad even though i tag them long post that's ON THEM. everything u say is worth listening to & same for everything i say so that's my final stance on this 😌

i also played it in one sitting it was so GOOD. i don't care that it was 2 am here when it was released i wasss ecstatic and the game was so fucking GOOD tonby the fox delivered!! it was so so worth the wait! the music was so much better than in chapter 1 imo, like... my castle town? the cyber fields theme? the queen's fight? spamton g spamton??? rouxls' "fight"?? BANGERS. i only see bangers. the new gameplay mechanics were also very fun!! i for one kinda struggled with the mice puzzles but not nearly as much as that one section with the traffic jams where you have to go down and back up or whatever. what the hell was that? i'm surprised i actually got past it. i loved the parts in cyber field though where you had to move on beat with the music that was sooo fun!! more of that! i prefer the fighting system in undertale ngl but it's mostly bc the undertale bosses are... just so good. the one boss who rivalises for now to me is queen, although rouxls is also very fun.

as for the story itself... i liked it :) susie & noelle are fucking ADORABLE. i think they deserve to be happy forever like not even together just individually as characters they're the fucking best. susie's grown so much that's my girl... wough... ralsei i do like but... i don't trust him :D i don't think he's evil but he knows too much and tells us too little until he can't keep it for himself and i don't like that. like bro you're gonna get us in trouble stop. but ALSO some ppl speculate that himself is being misled and that the fountains wouldn't bring the roaring, which is an interesting theory. (also i miss lancer being more relevant)

uhh kris is... well... kris... :)... yeah i did hear about that theory i'm in a discord server where ppl have been going on and on about theories since the game dropped LMAOO we're all insane. um. my personal theory is that there's another knight, or that kris is at least also influenced by an "evil force" or whatever, and we're the good force influencing them bc otherwise they're just a normal albeit mischievous kid. and the stretch part is that uhhh there's two knight pieces on a chessboard, ik this isn't about chess at all but king of spades does tell you at the end of chapter 2 that you'll meet a more powerful foe = the queen, coincidentally in chess the queen is stronger than the king. hmmmmmmmmmmm. lmao i don't think my parallel here is right but it's fun to think about anyway

did you see the superboss? i didn't fight him myself but he's so fun. also @ everyone who said he's gonna be a tumblr sexyman i hate that you're right shut that shit down HJKSNFKJSDHG. also did you see the secret fucked up pipis route? it's horrible. genuinely... i watched a streamer play it and 😳 uh. well i didn't even hate berdly before anyway yeah he's annoying but like he's a snot-beaked kid i'm not gonna wish him... whatever happens in this route. legit scarring. and poor noelle... pffbbgtbg. hate this so much. but i think it was done so bad and horrible on purpose, with how specific your gameplay has to be for you to be able to complete it tonby really was like "you wanna be an asshole? undertale wasn't enough? fine. work for it. and also suffer" nskjshf. i'm never doing it <3

lastly FUCKING QUEEN!!!!!!! QUEEN MY LOVE!!!!! BEST CHARACTER. i love her sosososo much it's unreal. and i didn't mind any character designs much, i'm not too complicated in that regard shfkjsdfh i love the tasques and tasque manager though :) also the... idk their names... the butler dudes? they're so cute. swatch's design is neat

so those are my thoughts <3 can't wait to hear more from u!!!

[recurring-polynya]

Can we get some drabbles on Renji’s time with Squad 11 especially his interactions with Kenpachi and Yachiru? Obviously shenanigans with Ikkaku and Yumichika are welcome! Also, how did you think he was promoted to Squad 6 lieutenant? It’s safe to assume he applied (I can imagine his Squad 11 gang even helping him out with this) as that’s part of his “master Get-Back-Rukia plan” but moving from 6th seat to lieutenant is a leap and I imagine that Byakuya is super picky. Imagine his job interview!

I’ll do the meta part first.

#0. For starters, Renji spent 40 years reverse-engineering how to make Squad 6 Vice-Captain. He read every Teen Vogue profile on Byakuya, he clipped Byakuya’s unreadable etiquette column in the Bulletin, he studied Kuchiki military history, he hung out at Shirogane Ginjirou’s sunglasses shop and knew exactly when the guy planned to retire and got a bunch of spilled tea on Byakuya’s pet peeves, of which there are many. Byakuya is not exactly a complicated guy, it isn’t all that hard to figure out what the right answers to his interview questions are gonna be.

#1. I think there is an exam that qualifies you to be a vice-captain, and that Renji vastly over-prepared for it and got an extremely high score. Byakuya loves big numbers.

#2. There is a standard application for Vice-Captain that’s probably about 5 pages long. Renji’s application was 15 pages long. He included a personal essay and a long paean to how much he admired the principles of Squad 6. Byakuya loves Squad 6, and he loves a guy who is really enthusiastic about Squad 6.

#3. Renji is great in an interview. I headcanon that he and Rukia did a lot of con artistry back in Rukongai. Byakuya is a mark. Primarily, Renji gave him opportunities to pontificate, which Byakuya loves. Byakuya talked through 90% of Renji’s interview, and walked out feeling great.

#4. The only thing Renji had going against him was the reference section. Byakuya hates Zaraki and would go out of his way to avoid talking to him. Aizen was still salty that Renji left his squad, and tried to reverse psych Byakuya into not hiring him. (“Oh, I think he’d be an excellent second for you, Byakuya! He’s a bit impulsive, and I’m sure your influence would overcome some of that hotheadedness! His poor kidou skills shouldn’t be a problem, I’m sure you’ve got that covered yourself…”) Unfortunately for Aizen, Byakuya was already 80% on Team Renji and he realized Aizen was trying to play him, and Byakuya hates being played.

Job offer within 24 hours. Regrets came later.

I do a lot of shenanigans with Ikkaku and Yumichika, but not usually Kenpachi and Yachiru, so let’s try that for a change!

🗡️    💖   💪

“I have a Special Assignment for you, Abarai,” the Kenpachi grumbled.

Special Assignments could be anything, really. Running around dive bars in the upper Rukon, stapling up posters to advertise their next Recruitment Brawl. Delivering blotchy hand-written notes to Captain Unohana. Helping Zaraki set up elaborate obstacle courses that would then necessitate another Recruitment Brawl. The majority of Renji’s Special Assignments involved helping the captain get somewhere he needed to go. Zaraki was very good at getting lost, but Renji was exceptionally good at finding places. This worked out rather nicely, because there was almost always something interesting to fight in the places that Zaraki wanted to go, and the more Zaraki saw Renji fight, the more willing he was to bring him along.

“We goin’ somewhere, sir?” Renji asked hopefully.

Zaraki scratched his ass pensively. “Not today. C’mon in, I don’t wanna talk about it outside.” He let the way into what was occasionally jokingly referred to as his “office.” It was the place where Zaraki hung out and took naps during the day, in case anyone wanted to find him for fighting purposes. “Chisaka had to go to the Living World last week,” Zaraki explained, rummaging around in his kosode and pulling out a well-thumbed magazine. “She brought Yachiru back some manga she thought she would like.”

“That was nice,” Renji commented carefully. Giving gifts to Yachiru was nearly always an exercise in “no good deed goes unpunished.”

“Yeah, it went over real good,” Zaraki grumbled. “She liked it so much, she wants her hair done up like the kid in it.” He thrust the crumpled booklet at Renji. It was a girls’ manga, the kind with a lot of sparkles and girls in sailor suits. Zaraki poked a gnarled finger at a picture of a little girl with pink hair, twisted up into two little buns, with fluffy ponytails trailing down from them.

Renji rolled his eyes up towards his captain. “What the actual fuck, sir? Isn’t this more Ayasegawa’s department?” Zaraki didn’t like to be called ‘sir’ unless there was a profanity somewhere in the same sentence.

“Dammit, Abarai, I know you’ve let Ayasegawa do your hair. It takes him four fucking hours and he screams at you if you squirm. Yachiru can’t sit through that shit.”

Renji made an uncomfortable face. “Your hair always looks great, can’t you--”

“I tried! She doesn’t want me to use any gel, says it needs to be ‘fluffy’. How the hell are you supposed to do a hairstyle without gel, answer me that!”

“What makes you think I can do anything?” Renji finally whined.

“Look, I started at the top. Madarame ain’t got any hair, and Iba might as well not. You’re pretty fast, and you’re probably strong enough to hold her down, and at least you know how a ponytail holder works.” Zaraki sucked his teeth. “If you do it, I’ll fight you later.”

“Really?” Renji asked, his eyebrows shooting up. Zaraki didn’t usually feel that anyone below Ikkaku merited his time, and Renji jumped at every opportunity to convince him otherwise.

“Yeah, sure.” Zaraki flung open the door to the room where Yachiru sat, scowling, surrounded by an assortment of ribbons and barrettes. “I got help.”

“Wrong Way doesn’t know how to do hair!” Yachiru shouted.

Renji and Yachiru had an ongoing philosophical disagreement about the geography of the Seireitei. Yachiru had zero legs to stand on in this argument, but also, she was the one who came up with nicknames.

“He has a lot of hair,” Zaraki countered.

“That’s boy hair!” Yachiru returned. “It doesn’t count!”

“I… have done girl hair before,” Renji admitted, somewhat painedly. “Hair is hair!” He almost yelled “Gender is a construct!” because he had been reading some of the books Iba’s mom kept leaving in their room, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to explain what that meant. At this point, he just wanted to get this over with, preferably without getting kicked in the nose, which tended to happen a lot around Yachiru. “If you let me try, I’ll let you do my hair.”

Yachiru’s eyes went wide. “Really?”

“You can’t cut it, but sure. Whatever.”

Zaraki was looking over at him with something that might have been respect. “Do you know what you’re doing, you crazy bastard?” he mumbled.

“Absolutely not,” Renji replied.

🗡️    💖   💪

“They’re uneven, is all I’m saying,” Yumichika sniffed.

“I love them, he put extra ribbons on!” Yachiru howled, swinging her sheathed sword at Yumichika, who deftly ducked. The ribbons swung delightfully around the sides of her head.

“I’m honestly surprised there were any ribbons left,” Iba commented dryly.

“You can shut it, fucko!” Renji yelled. His hair was styled rather similarly to his vice-captain’s, except that his was in three (rather lumpy) buns, and his ponytails trailed more majestically. The curling iron had been a terrible idea overall, but the big, loopy curls at the ends of both Renji’s and Yachiru’s hair had definitely been worth all the burns.

Ikkaku rubbed his own bald pate. “I kinda like that look on him. 100 kan says it helps him fight better.”

“You’re on,” Iba agreed.

“What’s the hold up?!” Zaraki roared.

“Here I come!” Renji bellowed.

“Ganbatte, Wrong Way!” Yachiru cheered.

There was a loud crunch.

Ikkaku handed over the 100 kan. “It was worth a try.”

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

To distract myself from this awful political scene I'm forced to watch for history class: can you give us some obscure side characters (like, Dr. Diminutive, Newton the Gnu, type characters) you absolutely love for no reason? :) <3

Okay I am literally so late because I was doing my chem reading and my writing hw BUT I can’t refuse a chance to scream about my favorite characters (but y’all can refuse to listen to my scream about them so here’s a cut)

First of all, I want you to know that I haven’t even started listing characters yet and this ask has already lead me to spend almost $4 on Agent P’s Guide to Fighting Evil and that’s why I don’t look at the PnF wiki when I’m tired thank you for coming to my TED talk

I almost feel like I’m cheating by starting with Dr. Diminuitve but HOW CAN I NOT LIKE TELL ME THAT LIL MAN IS NOT THE BEST CHARACTER THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN OKAY FUCKIN DO IT JUST KIDDING YOU CAN’T I mean come on, one of his first lines was literally “I don’t have a Napoleon complex; Napoleon had a ME complex!” I had to check the wiki to see if that was his first line ever and I’m very disappointed that it wasn’t and then in OWCA’s Going Down when all the evil scientists were just vibin against the fence and they started doing that West Side Story snappy walk and Diminutive was so into the snaps that he just didn’t fucking move and then he opened his eyes and the rest of the gang was halfway off the screen fjdskhfkalsfhaskl I just really love him okay the more I think about it the more convinced I am that he’s actually my favorite character

Idk if this counts as an obscure side character but he is incredibly underrated so I gotta throw in: LAWRENCE FUCKING FLETCHER. He’s just such a pure and innocent lil dude. He sees the boys doing dangerous shit and he’s just like, “Well that’s happening,” or better yet, “Hey, that looks fun!” I mean, the airplace? The flying carpet? The monster trucks? He genuinely gives zero fucks and I love him for it. I wholeheartedly believe that Lawrence knows Perry is a secret agent -- or at least that he’s smarter than he acts -- but he’s literally so indifferent to everything going on around him that he never mentions it because life is full of fun and exciting things like that and he can’t talk about them all, you know? And he gets so excited about his antiques and he’s so passionate about history and ughhhh I love him 

I was about to say I feel like I’m cheating by using a special but it just occurred to me that that’s lowkey how I’ve prefaced all of these so no, fuck that, I’m using a special and that’s just how it’s gonna be. CARL FROM THE LAND OF INTERNUS WOULD HAVE MADE A MUCH BETTER ENDING THAN THE ACTUAL BOOK HAD AND FUCK YOU MONOGRAM FOR CUTTING CARL OFF BEFORE HE COULD TELL IT HOW HE WANTED TO

These two kinda go hand-in-hand but Bunka Da Bunkaquan and Sweary the Swan are my favorite alternative Perrys. As far as the specials go, Steampunx isn’t one of my favorites, but Sweary the Swan is just... How do you even describe Sweary the Swan? He is life. He is the reason I wake up in the morning. He is the only thing worth living for. And then Bunka Da Bunkaquan is just so fuckin cute and anyone who disagrees needs their eyes checked. And tbh while we’re talking about Tri-Stone area, I gotta throw in a mention of Doofengung no of course I didn’t have to google what his name was what are you talking about because I love how he just stares at the water and every time it drips he just fuckin cackles lmaooo

Okay one more special (maybe) but Doofenshmirtz in The Temple of Juatchadoon brooo I just googled it to make sure I spelled that right and I did woah my power is unmatched is lowkey my favorite Doofenshmirtz. I don’t know if it’s because I actually like him more than every other Doof or if it’s just because his first scene was with Phineas Ohio Flynn and they knew each other and they had actual interactions throughout the episode and the Doof/Phineas relationship is my favorite underexplored relationship, but Juatchadoon Doof makes the list anyway

The “what did you think, _________ was just going to fall out of the sky?” couple — who 100% deserved that cameo in catu

I’m almost afraid to say this in public, but I actually really like Roger. I was mostly indifferent to him at first, but then Delivery for Destiny happened and I was like wait a minute, why am I sleeping on his man who literally orders boxes just to give to his cat? And once I realized that he was kinda cool, it started sinking in that he was never actually a bad guy. Heinz never even really claimed he was -- if anything, his problem is that Roger isn’t a bad guy, and everyone in Gimmelshtump and Danville knows it. And I gotta give Roger credit for not being too harsh on his brother, because yeah, he can be a little stuck up (I’m looking at you, stupid golf game), but you can’t really blame him for thinking he’s better than Heinz, you know? But at least he’s not a dick about it like their parents are. Also the entire latter half of this paragraph was me trying to find a way to work in the other part of that scene with the cat box and it didn’t work so I’m just gonna tack it on to the end because this isn’t an essay for English class and I can do that lmao. Paul mentions that he just delivered something to a Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and Roger is like 😬 because let’s be real, no one wants to be represented by the type of dude to try to juice City Hall, but he’s obviously not going to say that because he’s still a respectful dude, so he’s just like “Charming... man... isn’t he...” and he’s literally so uncomfortable and it cracks me up every time but also it’s lowkey kinda wholesome because Heinz may make it his life mission to embarrass his brother but Roger doesn’t reciprocate. but I accidentally discovered a few weeks ago that John O’Hurley is a raging Trump supporter so I gotta dock points for that one

In the same vein, Paul the delivery guy. What more do I have to say?

If my love of Roger didn’t turn the world against me, this one probably will, but I’m going to say it loud and proud anyway. I LOVE PETER THE PANDA. He’s just??? so??? cute??? Like when he was tearing apart Doof’s inator and he was just... actually no scratch that I need pictures for this because I can’t explain this in words

THIS IS NOT EITHER OF THE PICTURES I WAS LOOKING FOR BUT LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GUY OH MY GOD

Peter really said “this bitch empty, YEET!”

okay but the ones I was actually looking for are...

I mean, how can you not find him adorable? And don’t even get me started on his relationship with Perry because Meapless in Seattle was just... B R O Perry flew halfway across the country (probably I mean idk where exactly Danville is but they use EST so Seattle is probably halfway across the country?) just to go grab a coffee with him. They went on a lil date at a fancy restaurant I know Dan said it wasn’t a date but he's been wrong in the tiktok comments before which means none of his opinions are canon lmao. They’re just? So? Cute? I don’t even know what to make of their relationship but I live for it.

And I can’t mention Peter without bringing up his nemesis, who, to be entirely honest, I also don’t know what to make of and he’s mostly on this list because I like the line “How did you get chorus girls in here?” and when I downloaded and cut a bunch of songs that you can download from Google Drive here if you want, I specifically kept that part in because I love it lmao (I do gotta point out tho because it’s been bugging me since I last watched the episode: I don’t think we have any proof that Professor Mystery even exists in the PnF dimension. I had just assumed he did for the longest time, but that entire episode takes place in a dimension where Lawrence is a polar bear. Who knows what other differences there are?)

I love all the grandparents and I don’t even have an explanation they’re just all adorable

Okay I know I said no more specials but TECHNICALLY at2d isn’t a special; it’s a movie. I am physically incapable of not brining up the muffin time Normbot and the “I use aggression to mask my insecurites” Normbot.

While we’re talking about Norm, his old head would 100% swear all the fucking time if it wasn’t a kids’ show and i gotta respect it

Dan Povenmire does one line for a dude named Vinnie in Mission Marvel and off the top of my head I don’t remember who he is but it was the beginning of the episode and I think (?) it was during the New York scene and he does it in the Vinnie Dakota voice long before Dakota was even a concept (I’m assuming) so he gets a mention

Jerry the Platypus gives me Paper Jam Dipper vibes and they are both valid as fuck (the fucked up Doof copy is not valid as fuck tho we’re gonna pretend he didn’t exist)

Don is literally the best part of Where’s Pinky and I’m not just saying that because I’ve been watching Whose Line for years and I was super excited to see Wayne Brady in the credits (and the fact that he was also in both the quarantine rap and catu makes me incredibly happy)

Ooh I almost forgot OWCA Files existed but Harry the Hyena playing the trumpet and the subsequent “you’re gonna be wearing that in a minute” is the best part of OWCA Files and tbh just Doof, Perry, and Harry could have carried an entire series by themselves (though I do also love Karen and Maggie)

WAIT A SECOND THE BUG TRIO FJDSAHFLKSAJD I was trying to pick a favorite last time I watched OWCA Files and every time one of them spoke they were my new favorite like I lowkey thought their plotline was boring but the characters themselves were hilarious

WAIT ANOTHER SECOND HOW DID I GET THIS FAR INTO THE LIST WITHOUT MENTIONING MONTY HOLY SHIT I’M SUCH A FAKE FAN BUT I LOVE MONTY OKAY HE IS LITERALLY JUST OZ FROM BTVS EXCEPT MONTY AND VANESSA HAVE BETTER CHEMISTRY THAN OZ AND WILLOW AND NO I WILL NOT BE ACCEPTING CRITICISM

Wait I forgot Vlorkel too omfg these two belong way higher on the list but Vlorkel is the love of my life (and I lowkey wish she had met Steve the giant chameleon because they would have become best friends)

I wanna keep going but it’s currently 1:45 in the morning (this is why I’ve been avoiding asks during the day: I get way too into them and spend a solid hour and a half on them and I’d never get any schoolwork done lmao) and it’s far from the first time I’ve stayed up this late but I figured it was fine because I have no classes tomorrow but it occurred to me like four seconds ago that I DO HAVE A CLASS TOMORROW SHIIIIT I had an anatomy exam on Tuesday during my usual class time (which if you read my tags you might have known about because I was having an existential crisis over it) so he moved our class tomorrow excePT IT’S NOT TOMORROW IT’S TODAY IT’S LITERALLY IN LESS THAN SEVEN HOURS FUCKING HELL I GOTTA GO TO BED ASAP

[taetaespeaches]

LIV I WOULD LIKE TO FORMALLY CONGRATULATE YOU ON BREAKING MY HEART

first of all, i feel so bad for everyone involved. peaches and tae are right in the middle of the chaos and are having disagreements about the whole situation, jimin and dear are absolute messes without each other. it just sucks.

what i thought was really interesting about this piece was the fact that tae and peaches relationship was still in the air, and it quite possibly had a major role in holding their romantic relationship back.

this part right here:

“But what if you didn’t have him anymore? Two people as meant to be as Jimin and the girl in your arms couldn’t even make it work. Add in your fickleness in love, and where did that leave your odds at success with Tae? You refused to break him, and you couldn’t lose him. You just couldn’t.”

is so understandable. you broke it down into such a simple like “yeah of course that wouldn’t work” that i almost caught myself being sad that peaches and tae wouldn’t work out. but then, you know, reality set in and i was just like, lmao yeah, bullshit they’re not gonna work out. it’s peaches and tae.

seeing tae be so disappointed over peaches outlook on the whole friends to lovers thing not being worth it in the long run was so so sad :( and the way he defended the idea by using poopsie and jin as an example ugh fucking heartbreaking. but the ending where peaches takes into account his happiness with their situation causes me to feel some hope for them (which, again, i obviously know they’re going to work out, but that’s just how amazing this piece is. i get put right back into this anxious place of not knowing how things are going to go, even though we all know very well how things play out).

i’m sorry for drafting an entire fucking essay about this, tumblr got rid of the word limit on asks so i WENT for it. but i love you, i love this, i love this universe of couples, thank you thank you thank you. my heart will heal eventually.

Omg Kenna :( you’re so sweet for writing all of this, thank you so much :(( I’m about to write you an essay right back because I have way too many thoughts bottled up in my head about this shit hahaha. But before I do, seriously, thank you for being so sweet about my writing, you’re amazing and it means so so much coming from you <3 I love you!! 

Ok essay time lol. The four of them are so close and Tae and Peaches are very much about friendships and taking care of the ones they love so this whole break up definitely put a halt on the feelings that were developing between them. In the timeline, this happens before Taehyung fully realizes he’s in love with Peaches in the fic where he talks to Yoongi but he definitely knows where his feelings are headed, and after everything Peaches says about there being a lot to lose he makes it kind of a mission to pull back. The timeline is so hard to pinpoint but basically:

Jimin/Dear get together in April(ish) 2018 and the breakup happens in October(ish) 2018, and Tae/ Peaches don’t get together until November(ish) 2019- so you can see how much time went by from when they really started noticing their feelings to when they finally acted upon them. Even after Jimin and Dear patch things up, the experience weighs heavy on Tae and Peaches which is why I thought it was important to write a fic from Peaches’ perspective.

And going back to the conversation Tae and Peaches have in this fic, I think when Tae pulls back, he really pulls back because he sees how scared Peaches is and he doesn’t want his feelings to develop further given her reaction to everything. I would say if Tae dated anyone during his friendship with Peaches, it would be in the following months after this fic, either with the goal of showing himself that he can love someone else as much or more than Peaches, or simply to distract himself from his feelings for Peaches. But as Peaches watches him pull away, she realizes that she absolutely does not want less of him but only wants more and more. So while Tae removes himself a bit, Peaches finds herself wanting to be closer- which his how we eventually end up with Peaches being the one to tell Tae that he needs to be honest about his feelings in “I think you need to tell me the truth about how you feel towards me.” Idk if any of that makes sense lol but since Tae is the one who is ready to jump into a relationship with Peaches in this fic I felt it was necessary to explain how that results in Tae being the one holding back and Peaches the one pushing for more later on. I also think Peaches knows later on that Tae isn’t happy with the state of their relationship, and like she says in this fic, if Tae isn’t happy then something is going to have to change because that matters most to her. 

And honestly, poor Jimin and Dear. They’re just so lost without each other and neither of them can quite figure out how the breakup even came to be. The loves just lost their way :( if Jimin hadn’t been on tour they absolutely would have never called things off and that just adds to the heartbreak of it all, neither of them want to be separated 

[trainsinanime]

Percy Jackson and Western Civilisation

Okay, I’m gonna do it. I know it’s a bad idea, but I’m gonna do it anyway, because someone has to and either nobody else is, or they’re hiding behind fandom-specific hashtags that I’m not familiar with. Basically my question is: What is up with the concept of "Western Civilisation" in the Percy Jackson books, and is it really as stupid as the first book makes it seem?

I know the correct answer is "read the rest of these Harry Potter wannabe books and find out for yourself, and then make a post about that or maybe a Youtube video essay or something", but I don’t care enough about the question to do that and I didn’t like the first book enough to want to. Also I don’t know how to make Youtube video essays. So if you think that my take is uninformed and not worth your time because of that… well, you’re probably right. That said, I think the question is still valid, and maybe this will prompt someone more knowledgable than me to make a Content™ about this or something.

To briefly sum up what this is about: In the Percy Jackson books, the ancient greek gods are real, are around, and keep having children with mortals, one of whom is our hero Percy. These kids get sent to a summer camp that is totally not Hogwarts because it’s a camp, not a school, you see. This summer camp is on Long Island, New York, USA. The gods themselves have moved to the US and live on a mystical 300th floor of the Empire State Building.

Obviously the question here is what the gods are doing there. Is this situation similar to Neil Gaiman's amazing book "American Gods", where local versions of the gods appeared because their worshippers are here? Are there versions of the gods everywhere? Turns out no, they’re just in the US. They moved here because they are bound to a mystical concept known as "the heart of western civilisation", also sometimes called "the flame". This used to be in Ancient Greece, but then moved to Rome, then around Europe for a bit and eventually settled in New York.

Depending on your point of view, you could describe this as either a neat solution, or as an intriguing piece of world building, or as what the fuck is this shit. I’m in the latter camp, if you can’t tell. Because while it seems neat and simple on the surface, it actually presupposes a lot of things and raises a lot of questions, like:

What even is western civilisation?

What languages does western civilisation speak? What alphabet does it use to write them?

Which stories and myths do all of western civilisation share?

Since western civilisation has a center, it seems logical to assume that it must also have limits; things that are not western civilisation, but something else. Which of these "something else" exist? Presumably at least one "eastern civilisation", I guess, but how many and what else?

What parts of the world are and are not part of western civilisation? For example, is the middle east part of the western civilisation? I mean, islamic tradition played a huge part in preserving ancient greek texts, and their reintroduction to Europe during the Reconquista of Spain is what triggered the Renaissance and is a big part of why we care about Ancient Greece today at all.

What, if any, are the religions of western civilisation? Apparently Greek Gods are one of them, okay. What about Christianity, what about Judaism, what about Islam?

What is the philosophy of western civilisation, if any?

It is established that Roman Gods and Greek Gods are actually identical, as the Romans claimed, even though that's historically wrong. Okay, fine, that's a choice. What about the Norse gods or those of ancient Egypt? The Romans did the same with them.

What happens with immigrants into western civilisation, and with people who were conquered by it? Are Chinese immigrants to the US part of Western Civilisation? Are Native Americans? Why or why not?

Was Rome part of Western Civilisation before they took over Ancient Greece?

When did Western Civilisation move to the US, and why then?

Again: What exactly is Western Civilisation and how do you determine where it goes next? Is it based on followers of a religion, or is it about culture, or mythology, or language? Because trying to paint a continuous line along any of these axises is at least somewhat problematic.

That’s just a small selection. I could go on, but the book doesn’t even acknowledge that these questions are real, much less try to provide any sort of answer. And from what I heard when I asked around, it seems like the later books in the series don’t either.

All these questions ultimately center around one key concept: The book assumes that there is such a thing as Western Civilisation, that it is clearly definable, and that it follows a neat line from Greece to Rome to Europe to the US. This is an assumption that is incredibly easy to poke holes into on every single level, so for me the really interesting question is really why the book even makes it at all.

I’m kidding, I know perfectly well why the book does this. This mental model of a single western civilisation that starts with ancient Greece and has found its modern form in the modern US is old and super popular. This continuinity is a story we in the western world tell ourselves. This story is the reason why most buildings in Washington DC look like greek temples. And most importantly, this version of history, or a related one that mostly just stops in Europe, is what is told in high school history books all across, well, "Western Civilisation". And, oh yes, author Rick Riordan used to be a high school history teacher.

"Western civilisation moved around a bunch and is now home in New York city" is not the start of the world building here, it appears to be the end of it. You could just as well say, "The greek gods are here because of what you read in your history text book, and you're really smart for remembering it."

I could say something about how this is problematic™ actually, because it supports the same world view that was the underpinning of Manifest Destiny, and how it supports the toxic view of American Exceptionalism. But honestly, I don’t think the book intends to do anything like that. It seems genuinely disinterested in dealing with any questions like that. Likewise, there is a hypothetical version of this where "Western civilisation" is defined by people believing they are in "Western civilisation" and perpetuating that story, which would be interesting on a meta-level (well, it would be yet another American Gods, but there's nothing wrong with that, that was an amazing book). But again, that seems deeper than Percy Jackson wants to go.

"Western civilisation" is just a tool to move the setting from a wild, scary, unimaginably remote place like… modern Greece, I guess, to the mundane, familiar, safe and kind of boring setting of modern-day New York City. Making New York City and its surroundings feel boring and mundane is definitely an unusual choice, but the book really commits to it.

(Random aside: Is there any cross-US road trip story ever where the hero travels from the west coast to the east coast?)

At least as presented in the first book, "Western Civilisation" is just a tool to make sure that the book's fictional universe does not become too interesting. And it reuses an old and popular but also clearly incomplete, problematic and in many ways just plain wrong narrative to do so, because it assumes its readers know and believe that story. It’s not the only part of the book I dislike, but it’s one that really stuck with me.

Or maybe I’m completely misinterpreting all this because I didn’t read any of the subsequent books. If you have, then please, I genuinely would like to know what you think about this!