#and obviously I don't fucking want that to happen in a hospital because nobody is gonna handle that well

[thethingything]

also shoutout to the hospital for sending us a bunch of PDFs with information about preparing for surgery and what to expect, except the information was all generic stuff where most of it does't actually apply to wisdom tooth removal, so I had a huge panic attack where I nearly threw up because a bunch of the stuff mentioned in there is extremely triggering for us, only to then find out that stuff literally doesn't apply anyway, but now I feel like I have even less of an idea of what to actually expect because it's so hard to figure out which information does apply

[prettypinkporkchop]

Could we get a Leah x reader where r likes to fish or hunt, and happens to see Leah shift. She obviously freaks out cause holy shit but Leah is way too preoccupied with the fact she just imprinted.

OmG SO CUTE I SEE READER WEARING THIS: (anything will work)

Fishing without Harry feels weird today. It's been a few months without him, and now fishing and hunting feel like tributes to him.

You met him after your cousin started working with Charlie. You got to know Charlie, which got you to meet Billy and Harry Clearwater. You knew he had kids, but you've never met them. Although you knew of them and that Leah was close to your age.

You sigh and throw the fishing line into the water. Your mind begins to play out your childhood like a movie. Back home where you grew up, your dad took you hunting and fishing all of the time. You've always been so outdoorsy because of how you grew up. You wouldn't change a thing.

You hear someone stepping on rocks behind you. You turn around and see a woman with short hair and shorts on. Her shoes are gone. You look up into her eyes and see how beautifully brown they are. It felt as though she engulfed you into her spirit. You felt a pulling toward her. But, you push this weird feeling to the back of your mind which leaves a burning sensation in your chest.

"Hey. Are you trying to fish here?" You ask, smiling.

She just blinks her eyes and looks away. She starts breathing heavily, which confuses and worries you.

"Hello?" You ask.

In a blink of an eye, she changes into a wolf, right in front of you. You gasped at the sight, dropping your fishing pole. Your eyes widen, and your hands cover your mouth. The wolf runs off before anything else could happen.

----

You're sitting in your car, breathing heavy, still at a loss of what happened. You look up to look at the sherif department where you know Charlie is. Should you go in and tell him? You don't want to seem insane. You're so embarrassed of what people would say to you. Or even.. do to you? They could hospitalize you! You've been sitting in the parking lot for an hour and a half.

----

You see a Facebook notification.

Leah Clearwater sent you a friend request.

You see the profile picture and freeze in your bed. You stare. You scroll through. Harry's daughter.

You accept.

----

Your cousin Winona, who you have moved to Forks with, stumbles out of her room into the kitchen where you're doing the dishes.

"Fuck. I have such a headache." She groans and holds her head.

"Ayo! Who'd you party with?" You ask.

"Nobody. I was grieving Liam Payne's passing." She chuckles.

"You know what, that's real." You reply.

"What's up with you? I didn't see you at all yesterday." She sits down at the small table.

You put the last dish in the dishwasher and shut it. You turn to face her, and then you shrug. "I went fishing and I was tired so I stayed in bed after that." You lied. You're a terrible liar.

She raises an eyebrow at you. "I'm a cop. I know things." She says.

"Okay, Charlie." You laugh.

"Oh yeah! Yesterday, I met Seth and Leah Clearwater. They came to drop off lunch for Charlie." She says.

Your heart starts beating fast, but you do your best to hide your emotions. "Ah, nice!" You sit down at the table. "How are they doing?"

"A lot better than I'd be if my dad passed." She shrugs. "But, I could tell it was still a sting to them when Charlie brought him up." She continued.

----

You stare at the messenger bubble for too long. Should you text Leah? What would you even say?

"Hey! I saw you turn into a wolf! Nice fur color."

Like???

You sigh and turn off your phone. You look outside to see the sun starting to go down just a little bit. Good time to go, hunt.

You sit against the tree, tying your shoe laces that came undone. Your shotgun is propped up against the tree beside you.

"Ya know, I can smell you a mile away."

You jerk your head up to see Leah. You drop your arms onto the ground. She laughs and sits beside you.

"I.."

"Don't worry. I know you saw. I'll explain everything to you." She sighs.

Freaking forget hunting! You're here listening to Leah Clearwater speak about the tribe, the legends, her pack, her life story, and... imprinting.

You sat and listened and asked questions. It's easier to digest the information because of the fact that she belongs to Harry.

"So.. imprinting? It can be anything. What do you want with me?" You nervously stare at the trees ahead of you.

"Well, I'm still healing from Sam. But after I saw you, it seemed to matter a lot less." She smiles.

She stands up and holds her hand out. You hesitate but glide your hand into hers. When you do, it shocks you from the feeling. She pulls you up effortlessly. She walks you home.

---

You and Leah have stuck together through the battle with the newborns, the emotions, the small flirting, Edward and Bella having a baby, the volturi, everything. Your anxiety has been high through it all because you were scared of losing Leah. You two flirt but you guys never made it official. You haven't even kissed her yet.

Here you are, fishing with Leah where you two first met. (Here's your fit:)

You guys are sitting on the rocks beside each other, soaking up the silence and peace. You suck in a breath and reel in your bait from the water. You put the pole on the ground beside you. Leah looks over at you with confusion. You cross your legs, turning your body to her.

"Leah?"

"Yes?"

"Did I motivate you during the battles?" You ask shyly.

She smiles and breathes out a chuckle. She puts her pole on the ground beside her. "Yes."

"Can we kiss?" You ask, looking at your lap.

She doesn't hesitate to put her hand on the back of your head and push you down against the rocks. Her other hand grabs your waist. You're shocked and stare up at her beautiful face. She leans down and presses her lips on yours. They're soft and warm and move so well with yours. You're so nervous and melting into her, your hands stay glued onto the rocks.

She finally pulls away and her hand that's on your waist moves up to your jaw, holding your face still. You breathe out a shaky breath.

"Did I take your breath away?"

Your cheeks turn red and you nod.

"Good." She leans down and kisses you again.

[scary-grace]

Enough to Go By (Chapter 19) - a Shigaraki x f!Reader fic

Your best friend vanished on the same night his family was murdered, and even though the world forgot about him, you never did. When a chance encounter brings you back into contact with Shimura Tenko, you'll do anything to make sure you don't lose him again. Keep his secrets? Sure. Aid the League of Villains? Of course. Sacrifice everything? You would - but as the battle between the League of Villains and hero society unfolds, it becomes clear that everything is far more than you or anyone else imagined it would be. (cross-posted to Ao3)

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Chapter 19

“I still don’t get it,” Twice says. “What happened?”

You could ask the same question, and you have. You and the rest of the League are in Tomura’s hospital room, trying to piece together the chain of events that occurred in Deika City, and you can’t agree on anything. Everybody has gaps in their timeline, things they weren’t there for or were unconscious during or simply disagree on, as you and Dabi discover when you mention that you shot at his opponent to disorient them and he insists that he didn’t need any fucking help. “Why do we need to know what happened at all?” Tomura asks. He’s awake but fairly high on painkillers, and you can tell that all he wants is for everybody to shut up so he can go back to sleep. “We won. That’s it.”

“It almost wasn’t a win,” Spinner says. You and he are in agreement on that, at least. “If it wasn’t for Saintess’s quirk –”

“I can’t believe you have a quirk now!” Toga hugs you, then winces. “Ow. It’s the perfect quirk for you! Don’t you like it?”

“Spinner’s right. Our strategy was shit,” Dabi says. “We got split up. If we hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been stuck handling the ice bitch on my own.”

“You weren’t on your own,” Compress points out. “Saintess and I assisted you.”

“Fuck off.”

“I agree with Spinner. And with Dabi.” You add the last part only grudgingly. “We took way too much damage. That might not have happened if we’d stuck together.”

“We sort of stuck together!” Twice says. “I stuck us together with my ultimate attack! I’m calling it ‘Sad Man’s Parade’, because I was sad when I did it. But I’m not sad now!”

“We couldn’t have won without you,” Tomura says. Twice is pretty obviously beaming behind his mask. “All of you were important to the victory. But –”

He tries to sit up, grimaces. You slide one hand behind his back to support him while you adjust the bed, but then he leans against you instead of leaning back. You’re not exactly going to push him away, and he doesn’t speak up again. “But like I said,” Spinner says, filling in, “you’d have been dead if Saintess didn’t have a quirk.”

“And if she didn’t love you so much,” Toga says, elbowing you in the ribs until you wince. “I’m so glad you have a love quirk, too!”

You’re not sure you’d classify your quirk or Toga’s as a love quirk. You’re not sure how you’d classify your quirk, period, but you don’t hate having it. You’re grateful that you have it. Grateful doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Nobody’s looked into your quirk very much, except for someone whose quirk lets them detect quirks who confirmed that you have one, and so far all that’s changed is that the members of the MLA are much nicer to you than they would have been otherwise. Re-Destro in particular is a fan of yours – he admires loyalty, he says, and the fact that you took the time to help him too doesn’t hurt. For your part, you hate him. You’re not going to forget what he did to Tomura, and you know he’s only treating you well because you didn’t turn out to be quirkless after all, but you keep that under wraps. Even with your quirk, in most situations, your other skills still matter more.

But not in this one. In this one, with Tomura in a hospital bed and your quirk somehow helping him heal, your quirk is the only thing that matters.

“The doctor is coming here,” Compress says. He’s the only person who survived the fight with his earpiece intact – Tomura, Twice, Spinner, and Toga all lost theirs, Dabi claims he lost his but probably torched it instead, and you winged yours at the floor and crushed it midway through one of Tomura’s surgeries because the doctor wouldn’t shut up about your quirk. “He wants to discuss next steps, and to investigate Saintess’s quirk for himself.”

“Next steps for what? We don’t need him anymore.”

That comes from Tomura, and it’s a surprise to everybody. “What is that supposed to mean?” Dabi asks. “He’s the one who makes the Nomus.”

“We’ve got an army. We don’t need them.” Tomura’s refusing to open his eyes, and you’d believe he’s falling asleep if you couldn’t feel how tense he is. “We don’t need his money, either, and Gigantomachia follows me now. He can go to hell.”

“We should hear him out, at least. Don’t you think?” Compress ventures. “More power couldn’t hurt.”

“Yeah, if he can give us more stuff, we should take it,” Spinner agrees, glancing warily between you and Tomura – like this might be your idea, instead of right now being the first time you’ve heard anything about it. “Let’s hear him out.”

“Whatever.” Tomura finally quits leaning against you and flops back against the bed. “Did you all figure out what happened yet?”

Compress turns back to the whiteboard you’ve all been using to create a timeline – or timelines. There are seven markers, seven different colors of ink. One for each of you. “At the start of the rest period, we received the threat from the Meta Liberation Army, as well as the news that they’d kidnapped Giran. Shigaraki, you came up with the plan to use the MLA against Gigantomachia, and the doctor transported all of us –”

“Almost all of us,” Toga corrects, patting your arm lightly.

“Almost all of us to the outskirts of Deika City,” Compress continues. “We enter the city, split up, and engage the MLA sources. Toga and Twice are initially fighting alone, while Dabi and I and Spinner and Shigaraki proceed separately. Dabi and I meet resistance in the form of Geten – ”

“Ice bitch.”

“If you must,” Compress says, and Twice snorts. “Spinner and Shigaraki also meet resistance, but for the time being, they make progress. And at some point while all of us are fighting, the doctor transports Saintess to the outskirts of the city and sends her in to support us.”

Spinner looks confused. “Wait, was that before or after the Sad Man’s Parade?”

“Before,” you say. “I took a few shots at the – um, Ice Bitch –”

“You fucking didn’t.”

“I missed,” you say. “Then I chased after Spinner and Tomura, and that was when the Sad Man’s Parade happened. One of Twice’s clones caught me.”

“Really?” Twice asks. “What happened to it?”

“It tried to take me out of the city,” you say. “I – sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Twice says magnanimously. He reaches across Tomura’s hospital bed to pat your arm. “Anyway, that was after I rescued Toga –”

“Which was after I beat the one they sent after me,” Toga says. “I used Ochako’s blood – and if I love somebody enough, I can use their quirk, too! I love having a love quirk!”

She’s hugging you again. Compress is making a few edits to the timelines to accurately mark the Sad Man’s Parade. “Toga’s injuries remove her from the fight. Twice sends clones to aid Spinner and Shigaraki, and Saintess pursues them as well. Shigaraki, and the clones head to the tower where Re-Destro and Skeptic are waiting for them, but Spinner is held up, and Saintess aids him.”

“By murking a guy,” Spinner says. He still looks surprised. “It was nuts.”

“So you finally got your hands dirty,” Dabi remarks. He gives you an appraising look. “Took you long enough. Compress. Put it on the timeline.”

“As what?”

Dabi’s smirking. “Baby’s first kill.”

“Fuck off,” Tomura mutters. He hasn’t opened his eyes. “Twice cloned me, Dabi, and Compress and sent the clones ahead to the tower to draw fire and rescue Giran. I brought the tower down when I got there. Then I beat Re-Destro and took over his army. That’s it.”

“We’re missing a few things,” Compress says, and Tomura snarls under his breath. “Gigantomachia’s arrival, for one. He drew the remaining MLA members’ attention quite successfully and prevented them from assisting Re-Destro against you. You also received some backup from your sidekick during the fight.”

“I didn’t do very much,” you say. “I was there, I guess. Once Tomura’s quirk awakened he didn’t need backup from anyone.”

Compress makes a few adjustments to the timelines. “There. Are we all in agreement?” It’s quiet for a second. “I think we can agree that some errors were made.”

“We had two seconds to plan,” Tomura says. “It could have been worse.”

Spinner gives him an incredulous look. “How?”

“I’m tired,” Tomura says, instead of answering. “Get out. Figure out what went wrong and how to fix it if you want, but do it somewhere else.”

He’s in a bad mood, worse than he’s been since he woke up, and you’re not sure why. Nobody else seems concerned as to why, either – instead they get up and head for the door, Compress carrying the whiteboard and all the markers. As the door shuts behind them, you can hear them discussing lunch. Specifically, what fancy food they’re going to order on Re-Destro’s dime. Most of them have been having real meals only sporadically. Whatever they choose, you hope they order the entire menu.

But Tomura hasn’t said if he wants you to stay. You try to get to your feet, but Tomura catches your sleeve between the two remaining fingers on his left hand and pulls lightly. Lightly is all he can manage right now. “Not you.”

“Okay.” You sit down at the edge of the bed again. “I just wanted to check.”

“Never you.” Tomura pulls weakly at your sleeve again. “Closer.”

“I don’t think closer will make any difference with my quirk.”

Tomura gives you a look. It’s obscured a bit by the bandages on his face, but it’s unmistakably irritated. “It’s not for your quirk,” he says. “I need to touch my girlfriend.”

“But not your sidekick.”

“Shut up.” Tomura yanks at your sleeve a third time. “Come here.”

You kick off your shoes and settle into the limited space available on the bed, kicking yourself for hesitating for even a second. You shouldn’t give Tomura a hard time. He’s been through hell. But you weren’t giving him a hard time on purpose, you don’t think. You’ve got your own reasons. They’re stupid, but you have them.

And even when he’s doped up on painkillers, Tenko can guess them, because he knows you better than anyone. “It’s not for your quirk,” he says. He’s grimacing as he shuffles on the bed, trying to get closer and comfortable at the same time. “Don’t be stupid. I love you. Nothing’s changed.”

“Everything’s changed.” You close your eyes.

“Not us.” Tenko sounds sure. He’s never anything but sure when it comes to the two of you, and it’s sort of a relief. “Never us.”

“Okay.” You turn your head to kiss his shoulder lightly. It’s one of the only places on his body that’s not bandaged. “I love you, too. Get some rest.”

The two of you are quiet, but you know Tenko isn’t asleep, and you haven’t slept in days yourself. You should be able to sleep, but you can’t, and if neither of you are asleep, you have questions. “Why don’t you want the doctor’s help anymore?”

“I don’t need it.”

“That’s not the only reason,” you say. Tenko makes a dissatisfied sound. “Tell me.”

“He betrayed me.” Tenko’s voice is cold, furious, even through a layer of narcotics. “I told him to keep you away. I said I didn’t want you anywhere near it. He sent you right into the middle of it with a gun –”

“I got the gun on my own,” you say. “I’ve been practicing.”

“You should never have been there.” Tenko’s heart is beating faster. You set your hand on his chest, over his heart, as if you can slow it down on your own. “There’s no point to it if you die.”

Your stomach lurches. “Don’t say that.”

“You say it all the time,” Tenko says. “You said you don’t want to be in the new world unless I’m in it with you. How is what I said any different?”

It’s not. You want it to be, but it’s not – it’s just a different phrasing of the same sentiment. You let it stand. “I needed to be there,” you say. “If I hadn’t been, you’d have died.”

“He didn’t send you in there for me.” Tenko twists awkwardly, trying to get closer to you. “He was trying to wake up your quirk.”

You’d guessed, sort of. Based on all the yammering he was doing while you were trying to keep your quirk active during Tenko’s surgeries, this outcome is the one he was hoping for when he sent you into the middle of the fight between the League of Villains and the Meta Liberation Army. The League got four quirk awakenings for the price of one battle with the clash in Deika City – Toga’s ability to use the quirks of those she changes into, Twice’s ability to create infinite clones, Tenko’s ability to spread Decay like a virus, and your ability to keep Tenko alive. The doctor must be thrilled. No wonder he’s coming here.

“He betrayed me,” Tenko says again. “I don’t want him anywhere near us. If he comes here I’ll – damn it –”

He hisses with pain. How long has it been since his last painkiller dose? You sit up and nudge the pain-relief button within Tenko’s reach. He shakes his head. “I don’t need it.”

“You need to sleep. It’ll be harder to sleep if you’re in pain.” You look him over, taking in the awful things that have been done to him, and feel another awkward, terrible stab of gratitude for your quirk. Your greatest fear is losing him again, but your quirk made sure you wouldn’t have to. “If you won’t do it for you, for me? I won’t sleep well if I know you’re hurting.”

“Do you even sleep anymore?” Tenko somehow manages to look skeptical. “You look like hell. Pretty. But like hell.”

You sit there with that for a second. “I think that’s the first time you’ve ever called me pretty.”

“I said it before. When we were kids.” Tenko presses the pain-relief button three times in a row. “You can’t say it’s just the meds talking.”

You weren’t going to say that. You settle in next to Tenko again, wrapping your arms gingerly around him to avoid any more thrashing around on his part. “Get some rest, okay?”

“Tell me about it.”

“Hmm?”

“The new world.” Tenko’s voice is fuzzy already. “Your stories are always better than mine.”

The new world isn’t just a story. You almost correct him before you remember that the two of you are living in one of your childhood stories right now, that you’ve taken it and made it real. Maybe this is how you’ll convince Tenko, how you’ll make him see what you see, make him follow you. There are worse ways to do it. A lot of them.

“The new world,” you start. “Okay. If it’s a totally blank slate – all the cities and everything are gone – we’ll need somewhere to live, first of all. And humans are social creatures. We survive by helping each other. That’s how it’s supposed to be in this world, but it isn’t, so in the new world, that’s how we’ll do things. We’ll need somewhere to live, and we’ll need people we want to live near, so we can work together and start to build something new.”

“What if I don’t get rid of everything?”

You were hoping he’d say that. “Then we’ll find somewhere to fix up.”

Tenko’s voice is blurry with sleep and painkillers, but you can still hear the concern. “I don’t know how to fix things.”

“That’s okay.” You kiss his shoulder and huddle close to him. “I love you. And I do.”

It takes a few more days for the question of your quirk to come up in earnest, a few more days of Tenko healing markedly faster than he should be healing, a few more days of you barely leaving his side. When you do leave, it’s not by choice – it happens when four days without sleep catch up to you and you pass out in the middle of a strategy discussion being held in Tomura’s hospital room. And when you leave, you don’t go far. You wake up in a dark, quiet room in clean clothes and on a soft bed, with an IV taped down to the back of your hand.

You sit up so fast that your head spins, but you still manage to rip the needle out. In the darkness, someone tsks at you. “Fluids, my dear. You’re in dire need of rehydration.”

The doctor. “Where’s Tomura?” you demand.

“In his hospital room, asleep,” the doctor says. “It’s an ideal time to conduct some tests of your quirk – namely, whether distance is a factor in its efficacy.”

Oh. “How much distance?”

“Currently, the opposite end of the hospital,” the doctor says. “I’ve spoken to Shigaraki’s doctors, to Twice and Spinner, to Re-Destro, and to the medics who were in the helicopter with you. I’ve also conducted research into your family tree. Shall I tell you what I’ve already learned about your quirk?”

You want to tell him that you don’t care about your quirk, but you can’t say that – not when your quirk is part of the reason Tomura’s still alive. And you have to find out what your quirk can actually do. “Yes.”

“I fault myself, truly, for not guessing sooner,” the doctor says, instead of saying anything useful. Your eyes are adjusting to the darkness, and you can see him bustling around, outlined in the glow from three computer screens. “I looked into your immediate family, but there was another family member – one whose quirk also broke late, and one whose quirk is directly tied to the biochemical reaction we call love. Your cousin, Aiba Manami, also known as La Brava. I understand you visited her in jail the day of the battle. Did you discuss your quirk?”

“No,” you say. The doctor tsks again. “We didn’t. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mm, I suppose you’re right – based on the video from the visitation room, neither of you discussed quirks directly.” The doctor taps something on one of the screens, and it brightens suddenly, but his body blocks your view. “But it’s clear to me that your cousin guessed the mechanism by which your quirk functions, if nothing else. It’s why she prevented you from saying the words until – what was it that she said? Until it counts. You certainly did that. However –”

A machine beeps in the darkness. The doctor talks over it. “Circumstantial evidence suggests that neither the repetition of the statement in the presence of the object of your affection nor your proximity to the object of your affection affects the functioning of your quirk.”

That’s a lot of words at once, and although you were following for a while, you’re starting to get dizzy. “Say again?”

“Thus far, your quirk differs from your cousin’s in two important capacities,” the doctor says. “The first is the effect. While your cousin’s quirk provides a significant boost to the speed and power of her loved one, your quirk provides a slight acceleration of your loved one’s natural healing abilities.”

“How slight?”

“On a day to day basis, unnoticeable,” the doctor says. “The more significant the damage is, the more obvious the accelerated healing becomes. Which leads me to the second difference between your cousin’s quirk and yours: Duration. While La Brava’s quirk lasts for a discrete period of time, and can be activated only once per day, it would seem that your quirk, once activated, does not switch off.”

“That’s how it works in my side of the family,” you say. The doctor looks at you. The light from the screens reflects off his glasses, rendering him completely opaque. “Your quirk is active from when you’re born until you learn to –”

You trail off. “The biochemical reaction known as love isn’t something that can be switched on and off,” the doctor says. “I separated you from Shigaraki four hours ago. Those who were in the meeting you collapsed during were able to confirm that you had not told Shigaraki you loved him since the meeting began two hours previously. That makes six hours without the trigger phrase, four hours of which you spent physically separated from him, and during that time, the accelerated healing has not faltered.”

“So it doesn’t matter if I’m physically with him, or if I’ve said it recently,” you say slowly. “The first time I said it was all it needed. And it’ll stay active –”

“Unless your feelings for Shigaraki change. And I suspect they won’t,” the doctor says. He chuckles quietly. “You’ve been loyal to him for most of your life, after all. Why stop now?”

Even confused as you are, the jolt of foreboding knocks the air out of your lungs. “I don’t understand.”

“Don’t play coy, dear. That act worked when you were a civilian, but now no one will believe you’re that naive.” The doctor bends to investigate something on one of the screens. “It took me a while to piece it together, of course – it seems your perceived quirklessness clouded my vision, too – but once I looked into your background, it became clear. You are perhaps the last remaining person who knew Shigaraki Tomura before he became Shigaraki Tomura. Tell me – did you doubt yourself at all upon learning what he had become?”

What, not who. The doctor doesn’t see Tomura as a person, not the way you do, and now he’s waiting for your answer about something he clearly doesn’t understand. “No,” you say. You were doomed from the moment you saw him again. His return disrupted your life the same as his disappearance did, only this time, he’s with you. You were never going to let him go. “Never.”

“Remarkable,” the doctor says. You can see that he’s smiling. “Every Symbol of Fear needs one servant who’s loyal above all others, who serves him above all others, who does something for him that no one else could. Shigaraki’s master has me. Shigaraki has you.”

The idea of an equivalence between you and the doctor makes your skin crawl, the same as the idea that Tomura and his master are the same. They aren’t. You knew him before. They aren’t the same at all. “What could you do for Tomura’s master that no one else can?”

“Why, keep him alive, of course!”

“You have a healing quirk?”

“Precision of language. If I had a healing quirk, do you think I’d be a doctor?” The doctor clucks his tongue. It’s almost as irritating as the tsking. “No, my quirk is called Life-force. It allows the wielder to live twice an ordinary human lifespan. I offered this quirk to him, along with my service, and he accepted. The quirk I have currently is a copy of the original. I’d copy yours, but – mm. The emotional component makes it fairly useless to anyone other than yourself.”

Even when you have a quirk, you can’t escape being called useless. You grit your teeth. “We’ll need to conduct some further tests, but those can wait until Shigaraki has healed completely,” the doctor says. “In the meantime, we’ll need a name for your quirk. Initially, I thought that Devotion might be appropriate –”

“Does it need a name?” you interrupt. “All that matters is what it does.”

“But Shigaraki has many devoted followers,” the doctor says, ignoring you. “For loyalty like yours, something a little stronger is needed. I’ll think of something. Have a look at this.”

You get slowly to your feet, fighting dizziness, and come to peer at the screens. “This is a computer simulation of the natural course of Shigaraki’s injuries – what would have happened without the application of your quirk. Dire, isn’t it?”

Dire doesn’t begin to cover it. You see the same things unfold that the medic predicted. ATC, a rapid increase in internal bleeding, the slowing of his heart, the ceasing of his brain function as it’s deprived of blood and oxygen. Death within minutes. The doctor restarts the simulation, then runs a second one alongside it. This one, you recognize. It’s the same starting point, with your quirk added to the picture. No ATC. No deprivation of oxygen to the brain. His heart rate and breathing are unstable, courtesy of the damage, but as the simulation cycles through each successive scan, you can see the lacerations to his organs healing. You can see your quirk in action, keeping Tomura alive, long after the other simulation’s gone dark.

“That’s what your quirk is capable of, with nothing but Shigaraki’s natural healing factor to work with,” the doctor says. “I think we can all do better than that, don’t you?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will,” the doctor says. Something on the screen beeps. “Ah, Shigaraki is awake –and it appears he’s very unhappy with me. Best hurry along, dear. I’ll be in touch.”

You get lost on your way back to Tomura’s room, but a nurse points you in the right direction, and you get back in the middle of Spinner and Compress trying desperately to get Tomura to sit down – or at least to use his crutches if he’s going to tear off looking for you. Spinner spots you first, and it’s clear he’s relieved. “She’s back,” he says. “She’s fine. The doctor didn’t do anything to her.”

Tomura looks you up and down, not relieved yet. “What happened to your hand?”

“He put an IV in for fluids. I took it out when I woke up.” You might need to ask somebody to put in another one. You are really dehydrated. And hungry. And tired. “Everything’s fine. Get back in bed.

“If he thinks he can just kidnap you –”

“I took a nap for a few hours and he told me some more about my quirk,” you say. “That’s it.”

Tomura finally stops trying to stand up and walk. He sprawls back out in the bed, broken leg hanging off in a position that looks agonizing until you nudge past Spinner and lift it back onto the bed. He looks up at you. “What did he say about your quirk?”

“It’s sort of like my cousin’s,” you say. “In how it activates, anyway. It does something different – it makes you heal faster instead of powering you up – and the effect isn’t as pronounced as hers is.”

“Doesn’t your cousin’s quirk have a time limit?” Spinner asks. “What’s the time limit on yours?”

“It, um – it looks like there isn’t one,” you say awkwardly. “Once it switches on, it doesn’t switch off.”

“Weird,” Spinner says after a second. “Emitter-type quirks don’t usually stay on all the time.”

You wouldn’t know. You don’t think about quirks a lot – but Tomura does, and he’s got a weird look on his face. “What’s it costing you?”

“Hmm?”

“Your cousin’s quirk doesn’t cost her anything. The physical cost comes from the person she’s powering up,” Tomura says. “Most healing quirks use the energy of the person who’s being healed, which is why they have limits. Yours didn’t cost me or I would have died. What’s it costing you?”

“Not anything,” you say. “I don’t feel any different than usual.”

You don’t. Really. You’ve asked yourself the question – you remember Spinner saying something forever ago about how healing quirks take tons of mana – but you can’t think of anything that’s changed. You haven’t been able to sleep, sure, but you’ve been having problems with sleeping ever since Kamino. The issues you can think of can all be attributed to other things. If healing Tomura was draining your energy, wouldn’t you have been exhausted way before you passed out in a strategy session? “I don’t think there’s a cost to it,” you say again, settling down on the edge of Tomura’s bed. You’ve barely moved from this spot in days. “Did I miss anything from that meeting?”

“Nah, it broke up when you passed out,” Spinner says. “Honestly, we all thought you faked it to get us out of there. It was just Skeptic and what’s-his-name complaining that we aren’t committed enough to the cause.”

“Even if I didn’t fake it, I’m glad it helped,” you say. “They really had a whole meeting just to tell you guys you aren’t liberating hard enough?”

“No shit we aren’t. Their cause is bullshit. They want the same thing the heroes want, except with them on top.” It must have been a while since Tomura hit the pain-relief button. He’s in a really bad mood again. “The whole thing’s coming down. That includes them if they get in my way.”

“Maybe keep that part quiet for now,” you suggest. Spinner snorts. “This is just the same plan from before, right? Letting your enemies destroy each other and finishing the job when they’re too tired to keep fighting.”

Now that you think about it, that’s sort of Tomura’s MO – keeping to the shadows while his enemies duke it out, then stepping in to deal the final blow and stealing whatever they were fighting for. He did it with Stain, stealing Stain’s reputation to burnish the League’s after Stain showed up the heroes and was captured. He did it again with Overhaul and the heroes, and again with Gigantomachia and the MLA. It’s the right strategy for that kind of fight, one where you know you don’t have the brute force to win, but it’s not a strategy someone with a quirk as powerful as Tomura’s would jump to. Even after battling Gigantomachia for two months and defeating Re-Destro, Tomura still doesn’t fight like a supervillain. He fights like he’s quirkless. Just like you do. Just like you did.

You don’t see a problem with it. Spinner looks like he does. “We shouldn’t keep using the same plan.”

“We’ll keep using it as long as it keeps working,” Tomura says. He glances up at you, half a smirk on his face. “Just like your dumb jokes.”

“That was our old strategy,” you say, straightfaced. “If you can’t beat them, make them unfuckable instead.”

Tomura laughs, then grimaces as the motion strains his stitches. You haven’t heard him laugh in a while, and you feel better instantly – but at the same time, you’re conscious of Spinner staring, shocked. Has he really never heard Tomura laugh before? Is the difference between the person you love and the person the rest of the League knows really that big? No, you decide, they just aren’t used to him yet. And they’ve got a little time to get used to him. He’s who they’ll be living with in the new world, and although you’re closer to it than you’ve ever been, it’s still a long way away.

But you can help with the getting-used-to-it thing. “I mean, our track record is incredible,” you say. “We started off with All Might – hook a scarecrow up with a skeleton, and that’s what the whole society of potential All Might fuckers have to cope with now –”

Tomura is wheezing now. “And you’d think we couldn’t top that, but we’re not quitters,” you continue. That gets Spinner. He laughs a little bit, so you turn up the heat. “Plus Ultra, right? Overhaul was already pretty unfuckable, so the fact that we made it even worse really says something about our skills. And now we’ve got these guys, who – I’m sorry. Do we really think Skeptic gets laid?”

You have a feeling Skeptic is watching this from any one of his five million security cameras, but he already hates you for killing the other MLA lieutenant, so it doesn’t matter. The fact that Spinner and Tomura are both laughing now matters more, and you hear Compress chuckle quietly behind his mask. “I’d say our record’s perfect,” you finish. “The real question is where we go from here. Who do we have left?”

“Endeavor,” Spinner says. “But I don’t think he needs our help.”

Now you’re cackling – cackling, and thinking of Hirono, who one hundred percent thought Endeavor was fuckable. Hirono, who you miss. Just like you miss your friends. Just like part of you will always miss your boring, safe, normal life. “So we’re out of people to turn unfuckable,” Tomura decides. “I guess we just have to build the new world.”

The leap in logic is way too much for you. You burst out laughing, doubled over in a way that makes your bruised ribs ache, tears streaming down your face, and you try your hardest to imagine a new world. One that’s not like this one. One that’s full of things you like, just like Toga wants it to be. One where people like you and Spinner don’t have to be scared. One where people aren’t thrown away, one where the presence of heroes doesn’t give everyone else the ability to turn a blind eye to people who are being hurt in ways that can’t be solved by punching someone in the face. One where you and Tomura can be together, where there’s nothing left that he wants to destroy.

It’s a good world. A dream worth fighting for. But for the moment, while your new friends laugh and you struggle not to cry for the friends you lost, all you can think about is what’s already been left behind.

[blush-and-books]

okay okay whats ur dream episode of suits ??

ahhh ok so i've been really thinking about this and i still don't really have a good answer but here goes :)) sorry this took so long i have been cooking on it for the past couple of days!!💞

there's a couple of episode types i would really like to see. first of all, one of my favorite shows of all time (and the reason I started this blog like ten years ago) had an episode in their third season that put it's main couple (when they were in a will they/won't they point of their relationship) in an isolated situation and basically the entire 45 minutes was them going through various hurdles and discovering things about their relationship along the way.

my donnaharvey nonsense braincell would fucking LOVE an episode like this. like some kind of plotline where harvey has some kind of conference to attend for the firm and they obviously get two invitations but since the firm is always in shambles, they can't afford to send more than one senior/named partner away, and so they let donna go with harvey instead and she has to feed him the names of everyone they meet that hes supposed to already know. even tho in the show they're professional partners, i feel like we never explicitly see little donna and harvey work adventures like we see for him and mike. obviously harvey and mike have these adventures bc the show is about them but anyways

or an episode where there's a brutal case or smth and it's just an episode of him and donna in his office together for hours. idk where mike is - helping louis, maybe, or dealing with a case of his own, or the case that harvey is working on is just too delicate or high risk for him to want mike involved. so it's just him and donna. maybe marcus calls at some point, or donna's dad. they listen to gordon's records and talk about their families and their futures etc etc. i would love for this to feel like an expansion of when his office got moved to that lower floor and donna just had to sit across from him at his desk to do her work bc there wasn't an intercom.

OR, WAIT, the episode is about harvey's annual heart checkup and they call him back to run more tests after an inconclusive initial exam, and he needs to have someone drive him/pick him up, and of course donna finds out this is happening and just kind of invited herself along to wait with him for the results of the tests because she knows this annual appointment is like brutal for him every year. the whole episode he aggressively tells her to go away and she stays the whole time. yaps her ass off. but when the nurse comes out with the results of the tests he has to grab donna's hand. and regardless of the outcome he starts to cry the second that they get into the car. donna holds his hand and leans her head on his shoulder while he lets it out. they go up to his place for a drink afterwards, maybe they listen to some music, or watch a movie. while all of this is happening, mike is on a very silly case adventure with louis and jessica is enlisting rachel's help with a case that could come with some bad press for the firm, and they need to avoid that as much as possible. i thought rachel and jessica were a really great pair and i wanted more of them!!!!!

similarly i would love for something bad to happen to donna (affectionate) that just derails harvey completely and he spends the episode with her in the hospital while everyone else is dealing with like insane levels of bullshit from daniel hardman or someone and harvey has a big trial when donna is supposed to get a surgery and she tells him to go but he takes one step into the courtroom and had a panic attack bc they didn't get to do the can opener ritual and hes convinced he's cooked so he runs back to the hospital after haphazardly throwing everything onto mike at the last minute.

uuuh ALSO a holiday episode. CHAOTIC HOLIDAY EPISODE PLEASE. the firm is not decorated and nobody has the holiday spirit except, like, rachel, and probably donna too. harvey and mike are emo about the holidays due to family trauma and louis is getting everyone Hanukkah gifts. there's probably a firm party that's planned by rachel and louis to get everyone into the holiday spirit. harvey contemplates going to marcus's, and impulsively invites donna to come with him after mike makes some plot important speech at the firm party about he finally feels like he has a family to celebrate the holidays with again after his grandmother died, and how he doesn't ever want to take the time he has with his loved ones for granted. there's some joke about donna already buying her own gift from harvey bc he never knows what to get her.

in general i really like the idea of a bottle episode and would love an episode that takes place like, entirely in the file room, and we just see snippets of conversations or arguments or illicit meetups that happen in the file room over the course of one day. i feel like that format would be very cool.

this was a terrible answer to your question bc honestly i just think about what i would like to see between donna and harvey and that's not a good way to go about it but oh well!! thank you so much for this ask i love getting to write obnoxious long winded answers 💖💖💖🥹

also would love an episode where jessica meets a badass lawyer who just got brought in as a name partner at a competitor firm but the badass lawyer is a very beautiful and intimidating woman possibly played by lucy liu and they fall in love. yup!!

[clatterbane]

That was actually one thing that exasperated me the last time I dealt with my uncle in person.

He had a serious mad on at my stepdad, which had obviously built up over the years. There are plenty of legitimate criticisms to be made there! I lived with the man for many years, and he really is difficult to deal with and kind of a big jerk. I am very aware of this. I have talked to the man maybe once since the last time I was back home.

Inserting a cut for long and ranty shit, dealing with some family drama and rather traumatic financial happenings. Also nobody wanting to fucking listen to me about things they were invested in not hearing.

My mother had her own problems, or she would have run far away before they ever got more than a date or two in--much less stayed with the guy for 20+ years until she died. Marinara flags all over the place.

I am sure that some of the man's persistent financial problems really were kinda self-inflicted. I mean, on top of legit being multiply disabled and going through two bouts with cancer when I was still a kid.

But...to my original point? Said uncle (my only surviving blood one) also has the Family OCD, and worse tendencies than I do to fixate on things that piss him off as a handy distraction from other anxieties. Easier to rant than to deal with the other fears. I understand this probably better than he does, and it's still really hard to take sometimes.

Anyway, on this occasion he had partly managed to get fixated on the specific idea that Stepdad The Jerk must have been making a bunch of shit up all along about that big looming medical debt from the cancer surgery. Because (his wife, the longtime hospital administrator and CPA) knows very well how medical debt works, and that ain't it!

The thing is, Jerky Stepdad is very very bad at straight-up lying. He will just make shit up sometimes to cover his ass, but it doesn't work so well. (Usually he WILL just try and rules-lawyer his way through, and that really does tend to work better than you might expect. People often just don't know what to do.)

And yeah, I was there to see up close how that went. The key: it wasn't normal medical debt, legally. Because the surgery was done through Big State Medical School Hospital in Richmond, leaving him in like $60,000+ in mid-'80s money worth of direct debt to the Commonwealth of Virginia itself once Blue Cross refused to pay after preapproving it.

(The same surgeon was ready to do the exact same procedure at the VA hospital just down the street instead otherwise, but Medical School Hospital had so much better facilitate overall. Stepdad is part of probably the last group of Vietnam vets where the VA was still theoretically on the hook for covering all future medical treatment for literally anything, but yeah you're better off going elsewhere if you can at all. The freaking VA was willing to cover this surgery. That's how experimental a treatment it really was by then.)

So yeah, that was why we had actual state employees from the Attorney General's office calling nonstop and actually harassing me too starting from when I was like 12. (I am not exaggerating. Half of what they were doing was anything but legal. They were even trying to get me to accept responsibility for his debt before he died from a cancer with a not great prognosis. Knowingly dealing with what was obviously a kid who was not even blood related to him.)

Jerky Stepdad also managed to personally piss off the sitting state Attorney General at the time. Which is honestly no wonder. But, over most of the like 7 years she was in the position? He really did kinda get targeted by that office--with the whole household along for the ride.

Oh yeah, being the actual state? They really could pull shit like seizing every penny of state income tax returns, seizing a sizeable chunk of your damn unemployment checks, placing liens on any property you have (yep, very much including your house!), and so on. Ad nauseam. Then ring your phone some more to hassle anybody unfortunate enough to answer, like the worst collection agency ever, working on the state's dime.

They did try to foreclose on the house at least once. I was there. I saw the legal papers and the (broke) scrambling to forestall that. He was still in that house at last check, very much alive decades after that liver resection and still a giant PITA to deal with.

Normal medical debt doesn't work that way. Debt owed to the Commonwealth of Virginia very much does. And I had a front row seat for most of that shitshow, like it or not. It directly impacted me a lot, and I saw the various official paperwork to confirm pretty much every story the dude I didn't even particular like had supposedly pulled out of his ass pertaining to that whole mess.

Of course, Darling Uncle didn't want to hear a word about how some assumptions were very seriously off base there. As little as I even enjoyed being put in a position where I felt compelled to defend somebody I was pretty mad at myself at the time for some other reasons.

It was much easier to continue on that misplaced rip, and make up his own stories to justify all of it.

He was actually being unusually careful to make it clear that he was righteously pissed at Stepdad, and knew I had nothing to do with any of the shit he was ranting about. I still resented the hell out of getting put in a position like that YET AGAIN. By somebody who wouldn't fucking listen to anything he didn't want to hear.

But yeah, family.

I got extremely sick of ending up smack in the middle of too much shit, trying to play moderator for people behaving very unreasonably whether I wanted to or not. As the kid of the (at least equally loud!) Designated Scapegoat who had just thoroughly departed the scene, or was maybe still in the process of doing so. I don't remember the exact timing of that exasperating interaction. There was rather a lot going on. NOBODY needed that shit on top of it.

[epickiya722]

The powerscaler who judge character only on their strength are so annoying. I don't like the joke that Yuuji is just a no either. Him being absent for a year really changed thing huh?

Though people didn't forget Gojo the whole time he was in the box.

It's even worst to see a real change in Sukuna about Yuuji for nobody to even talk about it.

I guess I have another fandom to ignore in favor of the few fans in it I get along with.

Also yeah that's so weird, I like Sukuna but Yuuji's character don't start and end with him.

THEY ARE!! If you really are reading and watching something like JJK for the sake of "powerful characters" and only think those "powerful characters" are worth the hype for, why are you even here?

(I hate those "Can they beat Goku" questions. Hate hate hate them. Powerscalers are the worst asking that every chance they get. Who fucking cares?! Goku exist in another universe! Does he matter to this one?! Damn, can someone like a character without the need of proving "can they beat Goku"?)

Now that I'm thinking about it, it's probably what sets people off about Yuji. It's a stretch but maybe those haters slander Yuji because they see he is an obviously physical strong character, but hates that he doesn't showcase it like how other certain characters do (and I don't mean just in JJK).

The thing with Yuji is, he knows he's strong and fast. But he doesn't care to flaunt it around like a peacock because he's not that kind of person. He's not arrogant.

It's pretty much established in the beginning that Yuji could care less about fame and glory when his coach tries to get him on the sports team. He could have easily been like "sure"! Instead, he chose to be in a club, that he actively participates in even though he doesn't have to, just so he can also visit his grandfather in the hospital.

Another example of this is later on in the manga, he is aware of the "Tiger of the West" nickname people have for him but he says it's lame (in one translation) and not for the sake of wanting a better nickname. His attitude shows he just doesn't care for it. (Chapter 162)

Other characters would relish in having a title and being famous for their excellent power. Then there's Yuji who is just vibing.

It honestly sucks that some people think that a character has to be great if they're strong and that's it.

What about that character having flaws? A personality? Complexity? Hell, even design.

Someone said this under a video: "Some people confuse strongest character with main character".

Which is true for the JJK fandom apparently because some folks want Satoru or Yuta to be the main character. Both who happen to be the strongest.

Which makes me question if their "fans" only just like them for their strength. Take away their abilities and then what? What could you say about them that you genuinely like?

It's easy for me when it comes to Yuji because his power isn't what defines him. His strength and speed isn't something he flaunts around like that. Instead, we often get his personality and morals.

It's total fine to like a character's cool ass powers. Hell, I like Satoru's Purple Hollow move. But is power really all that makes that character great to you?

[legobatman08]

listen the fuck up, i think (HOPE) all of yall are antifa on here, but for WHATEVER REASON, the only time y'all care about fascism is when it happens in countries you know a lot about. I'm tired of the only political shit discussed being America or some fucking western European country.

there's a very prominent neo-nazi party in georgia (WHICH MY CLASSMATE IS A PART OF????), with extreme conservative and puritan views. see the armbands and the flag in the back? that's the georgian neo-nazi symbol. don't ask me why the faces are blurred, my source for this is the nazi classmate himself, and he blurred it.

brief summary of how this sorry excuse of an organization formed: they broke into a nightclub because "DANCING IS SINFUL", destroyed the club obviously, beat up everyone who was there (girls, guys, university students, bartenders, EVERYONE). where was the police, you may ask? one of them was drunk and JOINED these shitheads, the rest showed up hours later for "unrelated reasons" and pretended none of it happened. you'll see that cops doing jack shit will become a reoccurring theme in this post. this all branches from the extreme upholding of "orthodox christian values" - they're doing all this in "God's name", AND THE CHURCH SUPPORTS IT. obviously, fascism in Georgia existed even before these fucking cunts, but they're growing stronger and recruiting more people these days.

SO, WHAT PROMPTED ME TO MAKE THIS POST? these days, they've gotten more physically aggressive. here are some examples:

they asked a random guy in the streets about his opinion on fascism, when he said he doesn't like it (FUCKING OBVIOUSLY), they beat him up (the police did JACK SHIT and pretended that the part security cameras glitched out WHEN THE NAZIS LITERALLY FILMED A VIDEO OF THEM DOING IT)

they killed a dog and kept beating it after death, and they beat up cats in the street (they filmed these as a video too)

they beat up the leader of a governmental organization Girchi, which is the most progressive party we have right now (with anti-governmental, anti-russian, and antifa anarchistic ideologies)

the Girchi leader was supposed to hold a lecture about politics for kids and uni students at a summer camp thing, and the nazis ATTACKED THE CAMPSITE AND THREW STONES AT PEOPLE.

update on the first one: an armed man in civilian clothes entered his HOSPITAL ROOM, some women tried to stop him, TURNS OUT HE WAS A COP, AND NOW THE POLICE IS PRESSING CHARGES FOR "ATTACKING A POLICE OFFICER"??????

1 - They didn't know he was a cop, 2 - they didn't even attack him just tried to stop him from going to the kid's bed because he was a threat, 3 - HOW THE FUCK ELSE WOULD YOU REACT IF A STRANGER WITH A GUN ENTERED YOUR KID'S HOSPITAL ROOM AND TRIED TO GO NEAR HIM?????

anyways, this shit is scary. the nazi party is recruiting minors, like my classmate, so that if they ever get arrested, the minors will have to be released because OBVIOUSLY nobody's gonna HAVE A 14 YEAR OLD ROT IN PRISON. even if they were all adults, as i mentioned, the police don't care, because they're doing this in the name of Christianity. they're posting xenophobic, homophobic, conservative and very christian nazi bullshit so that they can make people believe that they want what's best for people, BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT THE MAJORITY OF GEORGIA SHARES THOSE IDEOLOGIES. their name is literally "Geo National Unity" TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE THEY'RE DOING THIS TO "HELP" US. EVEN IF THEIR IDEAS WERE MORALLY CORRECT, WHY THE FUCK AREN'T THEY BEHIND BARS FOR WHAT THEY'RE DOING??

i know I'm not the most coherent source of information, i know this just looks like a stupid rant, but this information isn't accessible in English, which means NOBODY OTHER THAN US GEORGIANS KNOWS WHATS GOING ON. the later this shit stops, the more fascists there'll be in Georgia, because no one wants to put a stop to this. cops are fucking pigs, as always.

I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS. I'M TIRED OF SEEING SWASTIKA GRAFFITI ON WALLS AND SCHOOL DESKS. I'M SICK OF FEELING THREATENED JUST BECAUSE I'M OPENLY ANTI-NAZI AND SOMEWHAT OPENLY QUEER. I'M SICK OF RELIGION BEING AN EXCUSE FOR THESE FUCKING DEGENERATES. NOBODYS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I'm sorry for getting fucking emotional on a post that's supposed to be informational, but SOMEONE had to fucking say it. progressive people in non-western countries are in fucking hell, because nobody acknowledges any problems in places that doesn't concern them. anyways please fucking reblog this, for awareness and for help and what-fucking-ever. thank you for reading.

[bruinhilda]

Whining ahead, feel free to skip.

I am tired of American healthcare.

Yes, we know your parent collapsed and needed to be rushed to the ER, but they're not *that* bad, so we're not going to admit them. No, we don't know exactly why, but they're obviously out of danger now, so fuck off already. Come back in five days for their unrelated appointment. Be sure to call EMS and pay for another ambulance ride if it happens again because we kicked them out too soon.

Go here. Go there. We want you to come in tomorrow for a 15 minute test. Your appointment is at 11am, but since we're shit at scheduling, we'll actually call you in anywhere between 10:45 and 1pm. Oh, we're booked, so instead of being in the hospital that is aware of your condition and risks, we're going to refer you to some random clinic to do that all-day outpatient surgery. Yes, you are going to have to become a bitch and snarl and yell and constantly have to remind us that you don't have a car and have to arrange your parent's pickups 72-24 hours in advance, because we are absolutely incapable of wrapping our brains around that fact. No, we're not going to schedule their next procedure right now, while you've got a 3 hour wait for the ride back - we'll call you while you're running for a bus tomorrow. Oh, that procedure we scheduled carefully for you earlier? We had a cancellation, so we're going to insist you instead somehow come in before your transport service starts running for the day, and will be incredibly put out and nasty to you for pointing this impossibility out and refusing.

Followed up by people with helpful advice about how you have to be aggressive and combative to deal with healthcare, and here's an array of ridiculous hoops to jump through that might trick your provider into providing healthcare instead of screwing you over. It's all on YOU, you can't expect THEM to actually accommodate you unless you PROVE you really and truly want and deserve it.

It's been made abundantly clear that my parent has only lived this long because of my fighting. And that if I reach their age, I will be utterly screwed because I will be alone, and broke, with nobody to "advocate" for me. And people will say, "that's so sad," and be baffled that nobody stepped in and helped when help was so obviously needed. But I will ultimately be blamed, for being TOO needy and not being able to jump through all the hoops required and navigate these 27 point plans to ask for help that has a fifty-fifty chance of being refused on account of a minor technicality.

I'd march in the streets screaming and waving signs about it, but I'm exhausted, and if I don't get back to work, there will be no healthcare at all. Or food. Or shelter.

The truly scary thing is my parent and I have better healthcare than a fuckload of other people in this country. That hospital made a top ten list of best in the nation. There's a social safety net of sorts in this state. I talk to people or read posts from them, and they have nothing at all. Except maybe massive debt from the one time they needed healthcare to not die, so they're going to be punished for the rest of their (shortened) lives for daring to experience a moment of weakness.

I'm afraid I don't have a point or a message. I'm just tired and coming off a bout of massive anger that's transitioning into sadness. And I'm waiting for The Next Bad Thing to happen to further destabilize my life.

[bitchysunflower]

ok i think we all know about the incorrect quotes generator and I'm sad and that little website always brings me joy. so here are some steddie (and the gang) incorrect quotes! there's a lot of them because i have too much free time :D

Steve: Eddie and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's- Eddie: Sentences. Steve: Don't interrupt me.

----

*steve visiting eddie in the hospital*

Steve: Must be hard not being able to laugh Eddie: I do have a sense of humor you know Steve: I’ve never heard you laugh before Eddie: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

----

Steve: Change is inedible. Eddie: Don't you mean inevitable? Steve, spitting out coins: No, I did not.

----

Steve: *Kicks the door down looking panicked* Eddie: What did you do? Steve: Nobody died. Eddie: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

----

Steve: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine! Eddie: How can you still say that? Steve: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

----

Steve: *Stubs their toe* FUCK! Eddie: Mind your language! Steve: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”??? Eddie: Steve: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

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Steve: Can you keep a secret? Eddie: Do you know anything about my life? Steve: No I do not. Good point.

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Steve: Do you take constructive criticism? Eddie: I only take cash or credit.

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Steve: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen! Eddie: Really? Name one law Steve: Don't kill people? Eddie: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

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Steve: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. Eddie: You need to stop.

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Steve: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds. Eddie: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!? Steve: No! Four to five seconds! Eddie: Too late!!!

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Steve: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming Eddie: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

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Steve: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Eddie: Wasn't Robin with you? Robin: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

----

Steve, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career! Eddie, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids Robin: what the fuck are you guys doing? Steve: playing systemic oppression

----

Steve: I told Eddie their ears flush when they lie. Robin: Why? Steve: Look. Steve: Hey Eddie! Do you love us? Eddie, covering their ears: No. Robin:

----

Steve: Eddie, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean? Eddie: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later Steve: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Robin.

----

Steve: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste Eddie: We got spring water Steve: NO. Robin: with EXTRA minerals Eddie: it's like licking a stalagmite Steve: DON'T COME HOME. Robin: Mmmmm cave water

----

Robin: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Eddie? Eddie: … No. Steve: I do! Robin: I know, Steve. Steve: I’m sad! Robin: I know, Steve.

----

Steve: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Eddie: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you? Steve: Yes! Robin: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

----

Steve: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death? Eddie: How am I supposed to know? Robin: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult. Eddie: *sighs* Eddie: You wouldn't be trapped.

----

Steve: While I’m gone, Eddie, you’re in charge. Eddie: Yes!!! Steve, whispering: Robin, you’re secretly in charge. Robin: Obviously.

----

Steve: You have to apologize to Eddie Robin: Fine. Robin: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

----

Steve: I know you snuck out last night, Eddie. Robin: Play dumb! Eddie: Who's Eddie? Robin: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

----

Steve: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place. Eddie: You people already know too much about me. Robin: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

----

Steve, trying to ask Eddie out: Would you like to stay for dinner? Robin: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

----

Steve: Hey Eddie, Eddie: Yes? Steve: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on? Eddie: Eddie: Where’s Robin?

----

Steve: I trust Eddie. Robin: You think they know what they're doing? Steve: I wouldn't go that far.

----

Steve, about Eddie: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group. Robin: Are we stealing them? Nancy: New or used? Steve: Wonderful responses, both of you.

----

Steve: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling? Eddie: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Robin? Robin: Probably “road work ahead”. Nancy: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

----

Steve, Eddie, and Robin are sitting on a bench Nancy: Why do you guys look so sad? Steve: Sit down with us so we can tell you. *Nancy sits down* Eddie: The bench is freshly painted.

----

Steve: How did none of you hear what I just said? Eddie: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Robin: I got distracted about halfway through. Nancy: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

----

Steve: You lying, cheating, piece of shit! Eddie: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD Steve: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ROBIN WITH ME Nancy, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

----

Steve: I think we're missing something. Eddie: Teamwork? Robin: Cohesion? Nancy: A general sense of what we’re doing?

----

Steve, setting down a card: Ace of spades Eddie, pulling out an Uno card: +4 Robin, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Nancy, trembling: What are we playing

----

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Steve: Shit. Eddie: Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Robin: OH MY GOD NANCY FELL OFF!!!

----

Steve: *Gently taps table* Eddie: *Taps back* Robin: What are they doing? Nancy: Morse code. Steve: *Aggressively taps table* Eddie: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

----

Steve: Eddie, I'm sad. Eddie: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay. Robin: Nancy, I'm sad. Nancy, nodding: mood.

----

Steve: Can I be frank with you guys? Eddie: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help. Robin: Can I still be Robin? Nancy: Shh, let Frank speak.

----

[shion-yu]

Day 7 - Flatline

It gets more than Elliot can handle at home (part 2). Part one: Fever. Whumptober 2023! I’m using the @ailesswhumptober's prompt list. This story is about my OC Cliff - here’s his profile if you’re so inclined: https://toyhou.se/23741453.cliff

TW/CWs: Major chronic illness, hemoptysis

It was busy at the hospital on a Friday night. Since nothing obviously critical seemed to be happening with Cliff at first glance they had to wait for a long time to be triaged. Elliot tried to keep his cool, even though he was so on edge that he wanted to scream at every nurse that walked by. Even after an hour, nobody had seen Cliff to even do a set of vitals. It was noisy and bright, a bustling hell that Cliff would have had trouble handling even on a good day let alone when he felt so poorly.

"I wanna go home," Cliff muttered, burying his hot face in Elliot's shoulder. "We can... come back tomorrow... I’m okay.”

"Not with this fever," Elliot said firmly. "You need IV steroids, I’m sure of it."

"Fine..." Cliff fell quiet. Only for a moment though, because then he started coughing hard into the face mask he had on. He grabbed Elliot's knee; the room was spinning really fast. "Eli-" Cliff didn't have time to stop himself. He gagged and felt his mouth fill with what he thought was vomit. Except when he pulled down his mask and tried to spit only onto his shirt, instead it was horrible, bright red blood. Cliff stared at the sight, dazed, vision blurring. He'd vomited blood once before when his stomach ulcer had ruptured. But this felt different. It didn’t feel like it came from his stomach, but his lungs; this time, he felt like he was drowning in it. 

Elliot shouted in alarm, shooting up from his seat and grabbing Cliff by his upper arms. "Cliff! Oh my god, fuck!" The receptionist of the ER looked over and her eyes immediately went wide at the sight as she called a rapid response.

"It's OK," Cliff said faintly, but it was thoroughly unconvincing in every way from the guy whose lips were literally painted with blood. Several nurses came running and started working Cliff up right there in the waiting room. They got him onto a stretcher and ran him to the back where everything happened really fast. He got an IV even though he tried to tell them he had a port - there just wasn't time - and in minutes he was hooked up to everything imaginable. Vitals, oxygen, telemetry. They did an EKG and drew blood, including cultures. It was noisy and although he tried to reassure Cliff that he was right there, Elliot was shuffled to the side in all the commotion. There were lots of questions and Cliff tried to explain his sarcoidosis, but the average ER nurse wasn’t familiar. 

Finally though, after twenty minutes of chaos, it became a short waiting game to go to a STAT chest CT. Cliff and Elliot were left alone in their curtained off corner. Cliff was incredibly overwhelmed and scared, and also felt guilty when he saw Elliot's worried expression. "Sorry," he breathed weakly, searching for Elliot's hand. His grip was weak. Elliot tightened his own for both of them. The oxygen mask Cliff had on muffled his voice. "What's happening?" He asked, eyes filling with tears.

"I don't know baby, but we're in the right place," Elliot said, trying to keep his voice calm despite how scared he was. He couldn’t freak out now, not when Cliff was the one who was on the gurney. "They're gonna figure it out,” he reassured his fiance. “You’ll be fine.”

"Don't leave me," Cliff said shakily. He was scared, too. His fever and confusion made it impossible for him to put up a strong front for Elliot’s sake like he usually would. The sight of him made Elliot want to cry. He looked so sick.

"I'm not going anywhere,” Elliot promised him firmly.

"Good..." Cliff let his eyes close and he seemed to fall asleep for a bit until a porter came to take him to CT. Cliff tried to hold on to Elliot's hand as long as possible, but Elliot wasn't allowed to come into the actual CT room with him. "I don't wanna go," Cliff whispered to Elliot. Elliot had never seen him look so fearful. He wanted badly to send the porter away, but it wasn't an option. Elliot knew Cliff needed this test. They had to get to the bottom of this.

“It’ll be fast,” the porter tried to reassure Cliff kindly. Cliff refused to let go of Elliot’s hand.

"I'll be here waiting. Don't you worry,” Elliot said. His voice was shaking, but he tried to sound confident. Finally, Cliff nodded and let go. He disappeared between a thick set of double doors and was gone.

Elliot waited back in the curtained-off ER bay, his leg shaking up and down nervously. He wondered if he should contact Moira, but he didn't want to worry her when there was nothing she could do about it from all the way in California. On the other hand, there was no one else who really knew about Cliff's illness in such an intimate way. Plus, she was Cliff’s only family that was worth notifying. He decided to text her - that way if she was asleep, he wouldn't wake her up.

'Cliff's got a bad fever. We're in the ER.' He'd only just sent the text when there was a loud announcement over the hospital-wide speaker system. 

"Code blue to CT room 2, code blue to CT room 2."

Elliot dropped his phone in shock. CT. That was where Cliff was. Maybe it wasn't him, he hoped - but Elliot didn't need any confirmation to know that it just had to be. Everything went blank after that. Cliff couldn't be dead. They were going to get married after all. He sat there in a daze for a long time until a nurse came and told him Cliff was in the ICU. He was intubated, but alive. They led him up to the room in a daze. "We called his parents, but they said they don't live nearby. Do you know if they'll be coming soon?" 

"They won't," Elliot said blankly. 

"Oh... We'll have to talk to the social worker, then. We need his next of kin to sign some consent forms for him..."

Elliot's hands balled into a fist. They'd talked about doing power of attorney paperwork before but had never gotten to it. Plus, Elliot had figured it wouldn't be needed anytime soon, at least not before they got married. Now he regretted waiting, just like he regretted letting Cliff talk him into waiting for him to be "healthy enough so that it doesn't look like I'm dying" in their wedding pictures. Elliot had laughed then and agreed. It didn't seem funny at all now. 

Part 3: Coma

[ramblingtomcat]

I'm randomly sad.

Actually not that randomly. I'm missing a person I don't know if they'll ever come back again. I have no idea what happened. I'm worried and I try to not be worried, but I just can't help it. I miss having them in my life, texting them random shit and I don't even feel like I have the right to?

I feel like I'm worrying about it needlessly. I feel like I can't share that missing, because nobody could understand that specific type of relationship. I am afraid nobody can help me with that. Even if I told them. I actually have told people that before. I told my friends and my partner about how I miss them or am slightly concerned about them, but nobody could possibly fathom how deeply I feel this.

My life goes on and I live it. I feel so much more stable than that other time before when they disappeared. And that wasn't even for so long. I am enjoying my life either way, but it feels like someone has been ripped away from me. Like some part of myself even is ripped away from me.

I don't even know them for that long, but texting them had become some daily thing that it was becoming a part of my daily life. I would share my thoughts with them. I would listen to them about their life and share about mine. I feel like my heart is breaking. I'm just so sad. If only I knew what is happening with them. Because if they were like "yo, Tom is such an annoying person, I don't like them anymore" I would be totally fine with that. I would be able to just treasure the moments we shared, even if it was just one-sided and move on. But without that.... Are they alive? Are they in jail? Did somebody die in their family? Are they in a hospital? What is going on?

I have never felt like this in an online friendship ever. And that comes from a person who only ever dated people they got to know online (well, those relationships got offline at some point so it's not super comparable anyway but yk).

I miss talking to them. I miss sharing stories about life and stories we wrote. I miss getting hyped up for my selfies describing my gender of the day. I miss feeling understood by them. I miss them clocking my behaviour. I miss them affirming me and I miss seeing their pet photos. I miss them gushing over their partner and I miss their jokes.

And somehow I feel selfish for missing them. I feel selfish for feeling entitled to have them in my life, as if I was expecting them to be some kind of "mine only". Which is obviously not true. But there is a reason why I sometimes seem so aloof, even with friends.

I grew up with people telling me I am sometimes too much. I grew up on people telling me I was too obnoxious or too quiet or not quiet enough. I grew up learning that I should never tie people down to me. That I should never expect others to like me. Well... That even when there are valid reasons for people to like me, because I'm likable, sometimes people just don't want to spend time with one person all the time.

And I was fine with it because I needed my alone time too. And I also didn't like to spend time with all of my friends all the time.

But this also resulted in me being a person afraid of being too much. Somehow I am in that paradox situation where I both fear and am totally okay with rejection. I'm a person that both can commit to a person and dedicate a life to a partner no second thoughts. And at the same time, I would totally be able to run away thinking people are better off without me.

Fuck this hits hard right now.

I feel like everyone is replaceable at any time. And at the same time, everyone leaves gaps in lives, whenever they leave.

Why is it all about leaving? I feel like having lost both of my parents just make me fear people dying without me knowing sooo much more.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, please call me yuna. this might be too long so i'm going to split this into 2 asks, i hope that's okay tw's: suicidal thoughts and attempt, general abuse, some detailed descriptions of physical abuse. i just want to vent out and i feel i'm in desperate need of advice. for some info i've been raised by a single dad since i was 14, turning 18 this sept. my dad was never really physically abusive, and he barely insulted my mom. but he had a really hard time regulating his emotions it seems and he couldn't express himself. he was very distant from both my mom and i. so she probably found someone better and left. with me, he was very emotionally unavailable and there was little affection between us, so i conclude my parents had an unhappy marriage. i don't know what caused him to be the volatile dad he is with me. we had eventual arguments and it started with a basic slap as 'discipline'. it escalated overtime. going to dragging me out of my room and beating me until i quite literally passed out. one of my worst memories consists of when he went a 'little too far' and had to take me to the hospital. he forced me to come up with a story where i was targeted by delinquents and how we were pressing charges which was absolute bs. nobody questioned this shit. not even my neighbours. not people who i considered friends. we're barely in contact w relatives. all of this happened during covid, so in complete isolation. all the worst memories took place during covid. i have very, very mixed emotions about him. i know he had a hard childhood, but in the end, he has never apologized for anything. but i think, all these years, he feels guilty, just doesn't know how to express it. like after hitting me, he'd cook for me, try to give me space, even when i fell sick (ironically, from his physical abuse) he took care of me, but he has not once directly apologized. so i can't help but feel it's all superficial. how else would he have the audacity to ask him how i'm feeling as i limped around the fucking house bruised and swollen bc of what HE did? thing is he has a perfect exterior. he earns well, has a great lifestyle and is respected by people. nobody will question him because how can a single dad that provides his kid so much comfort ever be abusive? will continue the rest in my next ask, please reply however comfortable.

His perfect exterior almost fooled me too. He'd try to make good of birthdays, compliment me on good grades, if i asked for something, he'd usually just provide it, but within a day or two i'd be back to being his punching bag. around 2020, i had a suicide attempt a day after he hurt me really badly. my memory around this is fuzzy. i vaguely recall looking at my bruised face and within a few seconds i stopped thinking rationally. i had been showing very visible signs of being in a highly unstable mental headspace, even vocally expressing suicidal thoughts, but it was always dismissed, obviously met with more abuse, and a simple "stop saying such things". he never took them seriously. i'm going to sound really crazy, but i'm glad i did try, or atleast attempt to kill myself, because i saw him express some genuine emotion for me for the first time in years during that. i wonder if i did that out of spite, or if i just had enough. in short, there were complications, he was never charged bc of red-tape procedures, CPS failed me due to 'lack' of evidence and i didn't admit anything nor did he (now that it think of it, i can't believe i never took pictures of the abuse.), and i ended up home again. i've been on meds since that. as for dad, he didn't change as much i thought he would. he didn't lay a hand on me for months, but he wasn't very emotionally supportive, even once asking me why i attempted. you'd think he'd change for his daughter's sake, but i don't think he ever will, fully. there was no all out abuse like there used to be after the attempt, but he still occasionally hit me. when i graduated HS, i told him i wanted to move out, which he did not oppose, this surprised me a lot bc i thought he'd try to hold me back. i'm not sure how to feel about this, and what it means. he texts me sometimes, trying to pretend to care. till date, there is no apology. no explanation for everything. i've been a straight A, well-behaved, and all of it was excused by 'you were troublesome and i simply disciplined you.' here's where i need the advice. even when i'm out now, i don't feel safe. even after my attempt, every time he spoke to me it felt like his fist was hitting my face again. every time he talks to me about remotely anything i feel as if he's driving his knee into my stomach again. i struggle a lot with some sensory issues. my face and head start to hurt, i'm all dizzy and there are sharp pains that run down my ribs and everything. i'm not sure what this is and wud like advice on it. but i suppose it could be depression/ptsd or wtv. i constantly think of cutting him off, but tbh, i'm very, very scared. i'm still scared of him. i'm scared that i stand to lose a chance at building a genuine relationship w him. i made very little friends throughout the years and pushed them all away. he's my only family & support system. i truly want to believe he's trying his best, but i just can't. it's like losing everything i know. even as i'm out of that house, i just can't get to sleep because of the constant nightmares and waking up randomly soaked in sweat. i think i feel very detached and numb from my emotions, i realize i can't express much, either. i fear i'm becoming like him, and i don't like it at all. to conclude, nobody around me currently knows of the abuse. anyone who does has excused it. i'm not suicidal now, but i don't know how long i can keep all of this bottled up, and who would even believe such a perfect man like my dad could do something so horrendous. i'm going to try my best to keep myself together. someone needed to know all of this, and i feel i can express it here. thank you for building such a safe place. i sincerely apologize for the long asks.

Hi yuna,

I'm so sorry about everything you've been through. Please know that none of this is your fault and it takes a lot of strength to come this far so you deserve to be proud of yourself. It can feel impossible to deal with an abusive parent, especially with experiences like yours, and it makes sense to have a complicated relationship with him because of that.

People who fail to acknowledge that your father is capable of abuse and has abused you obviously aren't seeing the full picture. It's not your fault if someone asks something so naive like how a single dad that provides his kid so much comfort could ever be abusive. The answer is complex because so is the situation.

i can honestly see why you were glad you attempted suicide, because it finally seemed to get the attention from your father that you haven't seen in years. But perhaps it's also worth reflecting on the fact that it seems to take a suicide attempt for your dad to show that he cares about you. You deserve so much better than that.

It's common as a survivor to worry that you'll become your abuser, but its important to remember that this worry is the exact reason why you won't. Experiencing normal trauma responses and PTSD symptoms such as feeling disconnected with your emotions doesn't necessarily mean you'll become abusive either.

Regarding the dizziness and pains, I'm not too sure what it could be and I ultimately recommend asking for the advice of a doctor and/or a mental health professional. It could be the way panic or anxiety physically manifests, and it could also be something more medically concerning, so getting a professional's opinion would be best.

Unfortunately it would be unlikely to be able to build a genuine relationship with him because even if it were entirely healthy, the reminders of his unaddressed abuse and the trauma that you live with as a result are inevitably going to remain at the back of your mind. As much as you deserve a healthy relationship with your father, you don't deserve to have any kind of relationship with an abusive father who has never taken accountability. Even if you continued to have some relationship with him, it would likely be superficial and surface level, which to some degree it already seems to be. It makes sense not to be comfortable being closer to someone who has hurt you so deeply and consistently, even if that person is your dad.

Please know that you're not alone, and we are here for you if you need anything. I hope I could help, and please take care.

-Bun

[kravitzkrusher]

another thing that can happen from this is a complete inability for your kid to control themselves from dangerous drugs, dangerous people, and dangerous activities.

if your kids hear "no" from you all the time, as soon as they're away from you, the answer inside their very soul will be YESSSSSSSSSS. in fact you are guaranteeing they will say "yes" to the very stuff you're terrified of them doing.

if you aren't allowing your kids to have soda/candy/cake EVER and never explained it well to your child, honey your kid is on track for a coke addiction. yes that's how it works. every coke addict i know had severe restrictions when they were kids.

if you're reading a kid's diary and feel entitled to do so, then when real life happens to that kid, you're locked out of your kids life. when bad things like breakups, test failings, best friend drama, mental health issues, school fights, self harm ideology-- when all that happens, you're locked out of it. not only are you locked out but your kid doesn't journal anymore. they lost a helpful mental health resource and now they don't talk about their feelings AT ALL. they bottle everything up, their brain gets sicker, and you are helpless as they spiral because you're the last person they would release any information to.

if you aren't normal about sex, your kid is not going to be normal about it either. the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. if you shut down when real sexual experiences that happen to every child are now happening to your child, you're fucked. your kid is now in a lot of danger because of you. sex is normal, natural, neutral, inevitable in a lot of situations. it's not negative or evil, obviously you know this because you yourself are sexually active. as the adult you need to fucking grow up and understand that sex is normal or else this child is going to end up doing some seriously risky risky RISKY shit. and they're doing it behind your back because you are unsafe to discuss these emotions with.

soon your kid will want to express autonomy over what their body does. AND YES THATS NORMAL JACKASS!!!!! and when they do they're going to have to deal with the consequences all on their own (antibiotics, hospital visits, pregnancy, incurable genital disease, abusive relationship, nonconsensual experiences) without help as the uninformed scared children that they are. because you told them you'd kill them if you found a condom in their bag. well guess what jennifer humans are Free Will machines and you can't control anyone when they're ready to have sex with someone they love.

I could keep going.

I could keep going forever.

Don't be a prison warden. Be a human being who wants to build a normal relationship with another human being. Be honest. Treat them like people. Don't explode, calm the fuck down. Who could relax around ANYONE who acts like this? Nobody. 💔 Suck less. Your kids lives depend on it.

[girlbrainless]

tw for suicidal thoughts, vomiting mention, blood mention, terminal/chronic illness mention

i think that. when my (rare) chronic illness started to become a huge problem and i was going to all these different doctors and hospitals and getting all sorts of tests and biopsies done and nobody could make a diagnosis and every other "guess" they'd casually offer me was some sort of potentially terminal disease, and cancer screening had been mentioned to me by a nurse the FIRST time i ended up in the ER:

i think i was relieved. i think that.. after being s*icidal for more than half of my life, i found myself feeling a real sense of relief.

not at first. first i felt scared. which i actually felt pretty good about. i thought that maybe if i lived, if this mystery disease wasn't going to kill me, i'd have a new outlook on life. (i don't know if you can tell by this far into this post but uhh that's not what happened.) and then i was angry. why give me a new outlook on life just in time to kill me with my own body?

no matter what the diagnosis would be, i was sure it would be fatal. an untraceable source of bleeding in my lungs when i cough and stabbing pains in my sides on every exhale was bad. surgeons wanting to take out whole lobes of my lung not because they knew it would help but because the damage was so bad they knew it wouldn't necessarily do harm was bad. the news would be bad. all of their guesses were something bad.

somehow, about a year in, there was this strange, very vague sense of relief. the idea that no matter what it was, it would end me and put an end to what i was experiencing brought me relief. i started to not even care that they still couldn't figure me out. so many doctors had thrown their hands in the air and given up on me as i was too complicated for them. i started to give up on me too and it felt good because i was "allowed".

i thought that i was dying. either by an illness that was going to kill me either way, or because they weren't going to figure this out in time. i thought i was dying and i felt relieved.

i felt relieved because.. i was sad again. i was hopeless again. this hadn't been a "wake-up" call for me. i was no longer fueled by the anger of how unjust it would be for me to want to live just in time to die. because i didn't want to anymore. except unlike every other time in my life i've felt that way, there was no guilt and shame and anxiety about how i would do it or about the people i would hurt. i knew they would still hurt. but it wouldn't be because of something i did. it wouldn't be my fault. fucking yale, new york presbyterian and three more hospitals couldn't figure me out. there was nothing left for me to do. the doctors either wouldn't or couldn't help me, and i was convinced i was dying. i'd even go as far as to say i'd started to accept it as fact. and yeah, maybe i'd jumped the gun on that a little bit. but i had every reason to believe it.

i made a real bucket list. i started looking into how to name my sister as my medical power of attorney. i started looking into how to leave all of my things to her and my dad. obviously this scared the hell out of my family, who had also begun to believe that i may be dying if we didn't get answers soon (and then even if we did.) but all i could feel was relief that it would be over soon.

a year and a half in, i got my diagnosis. it wasn't going to kill me. it's super rare (lucky me). it's genetic, which to me meant that despite being in and out of the hospital for a lot of my childhood SPEFICALLY FOR OTHER RESPIRATORY ISSUES, i'd managed to slip through countless cracks.

and the real kicker? incurable. practically untreatable as well. it wasn't going to kill me. it would just limit my ability to exert myself at the ripe age of 23 years old. it would just hurt simply to fucking breathe sometimes. i would just suffocate at random sometimes and have coughing fits so violent they'd make me sick. sometimes there would be blood.

and there would be nothing i could do about it.

anyways, i miss thinking i was dying.

[nueral]

Warner Brothers has excellent scans of Henry Cavill and the rest of the Snyderverse castings. Do you NEEEEED more live action DC heroes doing wrestling moves and trying to imitate Frank Miller comics? Probably not, but were you surprised by what INTO the Spider-Verse did with ANIMATION fo-fi years ago? PROBABLY so. You didn't expect to give a shit about a SPIDER-MAN Pixar/DreamWorks movie from Sony but you did.

Maybe that monster cartoon DC does surprises us, maybe it don't. The DC cartoons were trying, he liked them, and they keep playing out the best stories, they aren't really waiting for a new and engaging art style or story telling style. Grant Morrison did a BUNCH of Iconic story lines the Oughts. Tower of Babel, Rock of Ages, Armageddon, etc. Check THOSE collections out. I'd pick and choose elements and take what fits to salvage the story Already told in the movies we have, the Omac Wish Satellite from WW84(NOT A BAD FILD), etc.

But here's what's really cooking my beek,

There's an entire separate Non-Comic movie about how the audience doesn't or simply CAN'T comprehend Joaquin Phoenix's Joker's potential. Bo Is Afraid. I do not recommend it unless you Wonga know how fucked real life can get in real life.

The movie is ABOUT the audience, the story, and escaping stories, or more accurately Not Being Able To Escape from an Obvious Story, an Obviously fictional reality.

Both Joker and Bo Is Afraid confound the audience. Here, lemmy ax you something

Have you heard of the Unreliable Narrator trope? Prolly not. Closest you may have come to it was the shock when Joe Pesci gets whacked WHILE narrating Casino. Remember that? You're thinking, this guy is getting taken out to the cornfields to get whacked and Pesci's voice is narrating, like he's telling the story from an old folks home decades in the future, fine, and then WHACK!to the head.

Ok, that's not what Unreliable Narrator means.

Unreliable Narrator is something snobs love to peacock. The idea is that the entire movie is an unreliable and subjective account told from a person who's probably lying to themselves or the audience. Film Student types love it because it allows them to have an exclusive VIP area of interpretation. What really happened, out in the objectively real/static reality.

Here, I'll give you an example

Zeze Yayya Beets in Joker. E'rbody said she was supposed to be like that universes Harley Quinn, but by the end of the movie you're wondering if Arthur (Joker) even hung out with her at all. Or was it just in his head.

Arthur takes the audience into his experience and they went to the comedy show together, and they went to the hospital for his mom, together.

But at the end, she doesn't recognize him, is afraid of him.

We're those date scenes made up?

What if it's not the narrator who is unreliable. What if it's Joker's actual reality.

Unreliable Reality.

That's not easy. It's scary to think God has abandoned you in a dream world of feelings, factual memories that have no social authority, etc. What happened happened, right?

Unless you're a child. Then you can sing row row row your boat and lay my head down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

I don't know anyone who WANTS to live in the Twilight Zone.*

But Bo Is Afraid is an unreliable reality movie, even more so than Joker.

When I watched Bo Is Afraid, I came out thinking "They think it don't be the way that it is but it do."

And nobody on YouTube, or any social media posts have connected Bo Is Afraid to Joker.

Which is crazy.

You Were Never Really Here

Joker

and Bo Is Afraid all share this same reality resetting itself on camera with no indication of hallucination or magic occuring.

Why do I bring this all up for a DC movies discussion?

Because with an unreadable reality, anything can happen, it's horrifying. Continuity, Multiverse, timelines.

Arthur Fleck and Lady Gaga Harley could dance at the end of the film and end up in the alley way behind Robert Pattinson's ZORRO theater, Ben Afleck's ZORRO Theater.

They could dance their way anywhere in the multiverse the scriptwriters want, and a Fifth Dimensional Imp could say it's magic and he don't have to explain shit.

But the audience has been shockingly robotic. We really don't know what's in the head of these bodies, I certainly don't have enough evidence from social media to consider it any more real than how to effects you and how you effect me.

Maybe you just want scene for scene moving images that match the comics.

Maybe you're eager to join the SuperHero Fatigue bandwagon no matter how much The Batman reassembled a David Fincher movie.

But look at the Muscle Daddies and Diva Queens of Zack Snyder's Justice League(United).

Do you really care if they wrestle some other muscle mountain and win? Who cares? It's not real, it's not MMA. It's a story. It needs a reason for you to PAY and PAY attention.

Look at who Snyder intended their main badguys to eventually be, Twinkydink skinny boys schizos like bingbingbing Jesse Eissenberg's Lex Luthor, and Jared Leto's Mister J-Joker.

Do you want to see either of these guys take a potion and get powers and buffy the vampire slayer fight against dudes 3 times their size like they have a chance to win? Do you want to see them in CGI armor? No, right? No. Do you want to see Big Muscle Daddies teach weakling uppity creeps a lesson? I don't think-so...I hope not. No.

But you know what might unsettle you?

A character who A. already doesn't have to play by the rules of reality (I already explained this, keep up Mr. Strongstrong) and who B. has the sympathy for the audience from a previous film, a character who's kind of the good guy of his own story, if his own story was stable enough for anybody to find a functional morality in it, something that might not have been there for the first Joker film, and probably won't be there for the second either.

I hope you aren't watching movies like it's morality homework. Every action film a who dunnit, gasping an AHA when the wizard uses the helmet to disappear the demon.

I hope you're real, capable of variance and variety of experience. Enjoying the changes internal and external that a character is or might be going through.

I hope your not building up gotcha torment, vengeance juice, enduring suffering in a contest of who can eat the most shit until you eventually explode in violence or despair.

I hope when you watch a movie you're escaping from life AND imprisoning yourself in personality, if only for the time BEING, and enjoying what it thinks like, what it feels like, and what it will/would be like to actually exist that way, his way, that other way, like them, like him, like her, like that thing, like a brave little toaster, or a little Engine that could, or as Michael Douglas's William Foster in FALLING DOWN.

I hope your flying. FLYING.

I hope you can handle it.

And I hope to see more Henry Cavil, as Superman😆

And yeah, I did just write this at 123ish am 11:5:23

Yup!

You can hear it echoing

[worldwright]

Good evening !

Another day, another skipping classes for me, but like does anyone care at my college ? not really lol, officially im still hospitalized even if i show up at some classes (well, my classmates also don't care, even those i thought were close w/ me, the only one who cares enough is my main russian prof, but we don't have the time to unpack all of that)

Still writing that oneshot, I want this one out by next week. My partner is going to be with me for Halloween ! We'll probably just watch some 50yo anime and eat candies but hey, we both love that !

I want to be tomorrow now, for the next jjk episode -I can't wait to watch it ! (also, funny thing, even if I read the Shibuya arc and a bit more, I feel like I'm spoiled if I get a gif or smth for every new episode, like bitch you already know what will happen ! And I'm not even one who cares or not to be spoiled ! I already know some monster of spoilers and I was just like "okay I NEED to know what happened to have that kind of thing happening" and that's what keeps me on a story actually ! BUT NOT FOR THE ANIME SOMEHOW ???? BC WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THE FANSERVICE SO GOOD ???? LET ME LICK THE BLOOD OF CHOSO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I KNOW FOR SURE IT'S AMBROSIA JRLZALJTMLZJTGK)

Have a good morning !

oh literally literallyyyyyyyyy jfc mappa is feeding us WELL this season. nanami choso gojo yuki nobara TOJI?????? dying

I THOUGHT THAT SAID "EATING CANDLES" FOR A SECOND LMAO

also super exciting about the fic!!! hehehe :3

I impulsively started making a cabinet yesterday. because I need a better way to store all my incense. and apparently the solution is to spend six hours with a craft knife destroying my fingers lol. it's gonna be cool though, it's a vertical tambour cabinet with a bunch of small slots for different scents of incense and a little shelf on top for a lighter and the incense tray. I would have just bought one but apparently nobody actually stores incense like this???? what do they do then. wtf. anyway I see a problem I make a thing about it, obviously 😂😂

hope you enjoy your evening!!!