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scandeniall · 4 years

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no limit to you

pairing: sakusa kiyoomi x reader

summary: “Knew right from the start there was no limit to you.” sakusa’s gonna go far and you know it. a look at your relationship throughout some months. (Started out based on Feels by Kehlani but yeah that went left)

warnings: profanity, starts as college students, manga spoilers about career. implied sex, little bit of angst but for like 10 seconds.

wc: 5.4k holy shit this took me all week

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 2, month 6

“He is the Black Jackals big and promising rookie,” Your heart couldn’t help but swell with pride as the speaker's voice carried across the gym (?). Despite the less theatrical introductions awarded to MSBY you couldn’t help but cheer loudly even yelling out the stupid nickname given to Sakusa by his teammates. One that he insists that he hates. “Go, omi-omi!” To anyone else it’d just look like another stale glance at the speaker, but you didn’t miss the tiniest of smile that graces his face.

It’s his time to shine and you’re by his side to witness it all. — Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Month 3

The sound of rain pounding against the building mixed with the sound of landing volleyballs and squeaking shoes. The men’s volleyball practice is approaching hour 3 and despite Sakusa insisting that you could have just headed back to your apartment you were there anyways. One reason for it was because you knew with him living so close he didn’t drive to campus and despite his tendencies for cleanliness, that’d he’d swallow his pride enough to catch a ride with one of his teammates to avoid the torrential downpour. You figured he’d at least appreciate a ride from you, whose car he knew was relatively clean instead (clean mostly because he always made cleaning and disinfecting your car a “couple activity” every weekend). Another reason was simply because you missed him and was ready to propose getting dinner together. Waiting for him wasn’t a problem anyways, the row of tables overlooking the gym were quite spacious and you utilized the time to get some procrastinated work done. As your small break and time spent switching between the same 3 apps comes to an end you pull up your Snapchat one last time the camera zooming in on sakusa for a few seconds with the caption “a superstar”. You knew Sakusa would frown and scold you for it later (the guy hates being put on stupid Snapchat), but also knew he secretly like when you showed how proud you were. The man was truly destined for greatness and you knew there were no limits to how far he could go. Of course with the relative newness of your relationship, you’ve never told him that. After one last check to make sure the video posts, music flows back into your ears as you began the last hour stretch. “You could’ve gone home you know.” Was the first thing you heard the second the dark haired male sat in the chair in front of you. Plucking your earbuds out all you could do was shrug. “Now is that anyway to greet your cinnamon apple,” you laughed at the displeased look on his face, or more so in his eyes. He must've put his mask on before leaving the locker room. Sakusa was never really one for nicknames and whenever you’d call yourself something from a vine from a thousand years ago he couldn’t hide the scowl on his face.

“All done for the day?” At his nod of assurance you start packing up your bag as Sakusa just watched. He cringed at how you chaotically just packed your papers and laptop into your bag. No folders, or even a ouch for writing utensils. He’d have to get you one. As you finished picking up and fished your keys out of your bag’s pocket you notice Sakusa pull his mask down as he crossed to step in front of you. Placing a quick kiss on your lips, “thank you for waiting.” — Tap. Tap. Tap. Click. Tap. The sounds of scribbling mixed alongside flipped pages and the soft conversations of fellow library goers. The words of the textbook in front of you were beginning to look like gibberish and with that cane even more unconscious fiddling of your pen, a fact not lost on your boyfriend. The sound being so close and frequent broke him out of his own focus bubble. When you insisted the two of you have a study date, you were unsurprisingly met with the excuse of neither of you having the same major. “It doesn’t matter, we can just sit in the library. It’s spending quality time together Kiyoomi,” you’d told him. And it was true, sort of. After you’d finally got into the groove of studying, time seemed to fly and just knowing he was there was comforting enough. “(Y/N). You’re distracting me.” Sakusa was too blunt for his own good sometimes. All you could offer was a mumbled half assed apology, watching as he attempted to focus on his work again. You however? Were done for the time being, deciding to preoccupy yourself with your phone and taking not so sneaky glances at the man sitting in front of you.

“If you paid as much attention to your work as you did me, you’d be doing better in that class.” Maybe he had a point, but who cared. It's not like you were failing the course. Taking another glace up you manage to catch his eye before responding.

“But you're prettier.”

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Month 7

You felt the dip in the bed first. A warm hand resting softly on your back next. Finally your favorite person’s voice. “You're coming to the game right.” You were so tired that you couldn't even be bothered to turn and face the voice.

“Of course. First home game in a while,” you hum out, eyes still closed basking in the softness of the blanket. The weather had been terrible for the past week, completely draining any energy and remaining motivation you had to finish the rest of the semester. Sakusa, on the other hand, had seemingly been unaffected and you envied his tunnel vision like nature. “I can’t wait to see you win y’know.” Sakusa thanked his lucky stars, that your eyes were still closed, because if not you may have seen the red that dusted the tops of his ears. You could hear the sound of hangars knocking in the closet before inquiring about the noise.

“You don’t have a clean jersey for tomorrow’s game right.” He knew that you had a general school fan jersey, but he meant something more specific. One with his number on the back.

“Nothing is guaranteed. The other team is pretty good too.”

“Yeah well, you're better.” --

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 1 If you heard one last critiquing remark from your boyfriend you were going to scream. Or kill him, which currently sounded like the better option. It started with him telling you your kitchen smelled weird, the food cooked hours earlier obviously not Sakusa approved. Next came him cringing as he inquired when was the last time you or roommate had vacuumed the living room. Then came his annoyed look when he noticed your skincare products all over the bathroom counter because you had to rush out this morning. The last straw came as he said something about you getting germs all over your face as you dug the palms of your hands into your eyes. While that one had some validity you were fucking tired. School was sucking, your coworkers are annoying and your boyfriend is a fucking dick. “Can you not try to not be a germaphobe asshole for two seconds, Sakusa,” you exclaim, not even bothering to face him from your spot at your desk. “Do better with cleaning then.”

“What are you, my dad.”

“If I were, you’d know how to clean up properly.”

It was official. Sakusa, Kiyoomi fucking sucks. The tension in the air had grown. Between your pissed stress related retorts and sakusa’s stupid passive aggressive insults the two of you had navigated far away from just arguing about germs. You’d both begun bringing up past situations and feelings that you’d both previously kept buried.

“Half the time I don’t even know if you fucking like me.” That was a lie. He cared and you knew it. But former insecurities paired with his generally aloof nature whenever the two of you were in public caused you to mention it. Insecurties concerning how he was on his way to something great, and that he’d leave you behind with a stupid college degree that you didn’t even know how you were going to use. You’d long abandoned your desk chair, opting to pace around the room. If his eyes were knives, you’d be long dead with the way he was glaring. You hadn’t noticed, but Sakusa even pulled his mask down to engage in this argument.

“Well thats just stupid. But since you're bringing it up, do you even like me,” Sakusa sneered causing you to stop in place.“You’re going out an awful lot these days. Partying more than you used to, aren’t you.” Your state of disbelief hadn’t been lost on him, in fact you looked as if you were going to start laughing at any moment. The way he condescendingly spoke your name sent chills down your spine. “Can’t help but wonder what you’re doing.”

“Oh so now I’m cheating-.”

“I’m just pointing out what I’ve noticed.” He’d hit the realization that he messed up the second the insinuation left his lips. However, he was too far in and so were you. He’d have to make it up to you later, he began to think. Until your humourless laugh filled the air, striking a cord in him, bigger than you’d ever done. This entire night you’d been a ticking time bomb, and were ready to explode.

“Now why the fuck, would I put up with you if I didn’t love you. A year of my life just wasted huh.” The revelation of your love causes Sakusa to pause. Of course the two of you loved one another. It was shown in the little actions. But, until now neither of you had ever uttered the three words to one another.

“(Y/N-)”

“Newsflash, Kiyoomi, you're not an easy person to love. You nag me about shit that only bothers you, and I put up with it. I can’t even come around you with mismatched socks”

“You never want to go out to any kind of party with me and I want you there, yet I’m always willing to go out when you have to with the team.”

“You barely even show that you like me in public. I’ve had friends ask me are we even really dating.”

The end of your rant was accompanied by silence on both of your ends. You were drained. Your throat hurt and your eyes stung. But more importantly your heart ached. Despite the tears building at the back of your eyes you were not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. Sakusa on the other hand was deep in thought. The tug on his heartstrings at your admittance was foreign. He didn’t want to say anything to further upset you, and had gotten to know you enough to know you’d want to be alone after a time like this.

The hand that grabbed yours almost felt foreign as Sakusa led you towards your bed. The already long day ending with a quick kiss against your temple, a promise to see you later, and an aching heart.

“Did you and Sakusa- like break up or something,” your friend inquired. It's been 9 days since you’d last heard from Sakusa, and your mopey mood hadn’t gone unnoticed by your friends. On top of you being unusually downcast they noticed that you hadn’t attended the most recent match. You always went to home games. You already had to deal with the aftermath of your roommate being home and hearing your argument that night, you hadn’t exactly been that quiet during the ordeal.

The next morning marked the start of the weekend, which you’d spent a large part of the day in bed. In the middle of you bothering to fix dinner, your roommate had come home interrupting your pity party. You liked your roommate, you did and the two of you were friendly. But the two of you definitely were not best friends and for them to come home and see you for the first time post argument- awkward.

“Yo- (Y/N), did you hear me? You and Sakusa break up or something,” your friend repeated, breaking you out of your wandering thoughts. “Or something,” you muttered bitterly. The lunch in front of you suddenly looked unappealing. The melting ice cubes floating in your drink taking away your attention.

Just as you began to take your mind off Sakusa in preparation to try and have a relatively normal weekend, your friend just had to bring him up. You loved her, but she was a dumbass for that one. Your entire car ride home you turned on your breakup playlist one you’d made during the demise of your last relationship back in highschool. Something about Miley Cyrus’ 7 Things felt more relatable than ever now that you were older.

Entering your apartment, you waved a greeting to your roommate who looked strangely happy. “Oh (Y/N), you’ve got a gift.” Ok- why the hell was she so cheery about a gift to you. Eying her suspiciously, your roommate pointed past you and your eyes widened.

“Who-”

“Who do you think? Dropped them off a little over an hour ago. Looked disappointed when he realized you weren’t here.”

You half mumbled something kin of appreciation for telling you as you walked toward the kitchen table to see a bouquet of roses, and a card with neatly scribbled handwriting you recognized immediately.

“One rose for every month of putting up with me being a germophobic asshole. Google also said roses meant love. Hope you like them.

P.s: i missed you at the game (and in general)”

14 roses. He even included the two months where you teetered the line between friends and partners. You couldn’t help but laugh at his use of your word choice to describe him. You hadn’t even noticed your roommate peering over your shoulder until she spoke. “He means well. You two should work it out.” If you weren’t planning to before you sure as hell were going to now. “Yeah,” you mused. “You're right.

The gears in your head were absolutely turning, thinking about how you’d reach back out to Sakusa. Obviously he’d been the bigger person and made the first contact, and yeah he was definitely being a jerk that night, but so were you. You were so caught in your own thoughts as you made your way down the short hallway to your room that you hadn’t even noticed the slight rustling. Opening your door you were met with an even bigger surprise.

Sakusa. In your room, gloved up, vacuum out-He was cleaning? Your room?. Your brain short circuits as you were at a loss for words.

“Kiyoomi?” The sound of your roommate teasing telling you two to keep it down went beyond your span of comprehension as you just stood in the doorway. “You should close the door.

---

After you got past the initial shock of seeing Sakusa, he’d taken his gloves off and sat on your bed wordlessly patting the spot next to him. After a brief moment of silence you were the first one to speak. Afterall, he did take the first step at mending your relationship. Now it's your turn. “I’m sorry Kiyoomi. For snapping at you, questioning how you felt when I knew better. I was a bitch for that one.

“I’m sorry. I was wrong. I knew how stressed you were already and made it worse. I know how you get when you're upset, and came to straighten up for you.”

“Thanks for that one. I’ll admit, it was starting to bother me too.” A silence filled the air as you shifted closer. Enough so that you could rest your head on his shoulder.

“I know you’re not cheating on me-“

“Wow, how did you figure that out. You are SO smart,” you faked gasped. The teasing comment released any lingering tension between you and before you knew it Sakusa had his normal frowny face at you. The one he tended to get when you jokingly teased or annoyed him. One, never meant with any malice. A softer one reserved just for you. The moment passed quickly and as you removed your head from his shoulder you eyed him seriously. “I wouldn't do that Yoomi. You know that right?”

The thought of him even thinking you’d ever cheat on him didn’t sit right with you. In fact, it had been the main reason you were upset. You could work past anything else said. But that one? You needed to acknowledge it. Your question had been answered when you felt a hand gently rest on the side of your neck pulling you gently towards him. You were so close that you could feel the move of his lips as he reaffirmed what was already known. “I love you too (Y/N). The universe seemed to stop as Sakusa's lips moved softly against yours. you had moved your lingering hand to wrap around the wrist touching you, rubbing gentle circles on his inner wrist. A hold that unconsciously tightens as you felt his tongue languidly slip into your mouth and explore.This kiss was different than any you’d ever shared before. Different from the quick kisses shared when you’d two part ways at the end of dates. Different than the domineering good luck kisses given in quiet hallways outside the locker room before games. Than the tired kisses he’d reluctantly give because your tired whining grated his nerves. Hell, even different than the kisses shared the first time you two had sex. Those were just awkward. This kiss? Was loving. You two loved one another. Those feelings had been made more than clear to the other person. The universe always told you that falling in love too fast and too young would end in disaster. But you’d risk that if you could feel like this everyday.

The need for air forced the two of you to pull away. In that time Sakusa had shifted the two of you so that he was resting against the headboard of your bed, your knees resting on the side of his knees. One hand on your thigh, other resting on your back. He looked so pretty like that. Puffy lips, heavily breathing, and with so much love for you. There was no doubt you looked the same. The rest of his forehead on your shoulder allowed you to gently play with his hair.

“I’ll work on the other things too. But don’t expect me to take care of your drunk ass every weekend.”

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 1, Month 10

“How’s it going Mr MVP.” You pushed your body off the chilled brick, as you eyed your boyfriend up and down. He looked good, really good. He’d just finished the last game of his collegiate career, one that had been won. Not only that, but he had been named MVP and a rookie to look out for going into Division 1 post graduation.

You shifted your hands towards his face but before you could even rest them near you he stopped you with a mini hand sanitizer dangling in your face. “I’m sure you touched that brick while waiting.” After your hands were as sanitized as they could be, you hovered your hands over the corner of his mask, silently asking for permission to lower it. Once you got the go ahead, and felt his hands resting on your hips you pulled him down for a sweet kiss. After pulling away you left your hands wrapped around his neck and began playing with the hairs at the back of his neck.

“You’re a fucking superstar Yoomi. You’re gonna go so far.” You revealed the thoughts that had been in the back of your mind since you met him. And it was true. You knew he’d been looking at a few professional teams, and no matter where he’d go the sky was the limit.

“Now c’mon. It’s party time babe. Last college win celebration,” you cheered pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, and pulling his mask back out. You followed up by reaching into the pocket of his track jacket to pull out his car key. He kept true with his promise of getting better. Still hated unnecessary crowds, but was willing to sacrifice it occasionally to accompany you to celebratory parties. Granted he tended to hang out on less populated hallways, even better when parties continued outside. More space to move. The mask also stayed on. College kids are gross.

—-

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you noticed your boyfriend move from his spot on the couch. The two of you had decided on a lazy movie night before the official finals grind began. Dead week was nearly here, and you knew the two of you would have little time to actually hang out. With the end of volleyball season, you’d been spending more time at Sakusa’s place deciding to just head there after class because it was closer. “Yoomi where are you going,” the wording came out more needed than you intended. You didn’t receive an answer, instead met with him disappearing in his room. You decided to just pause the movie, pulling out your phone to reply to a few text messages. Just as you hit send a Manila envelope was placed in your peripheral and Sakusa settled back into his corner of the couch.

“What’s this,” you questioned, shifting so that you were looking at Sakusa. The only thing you were gifted with was a shrug and a motion to open the envelope. You hesitated a moment before your eyes widened

“Wait. Kiyoomi is this…”. The confident smirk told you everything you needed to know. This was it. There was no secret that Sakusa was most likely going to go pro after graduation, but no one knew what team he’d end up playing for. He’d had many people; Professors, coaches,teammates, acquaintances, parents ask what he planned on doing now that graduation was essentially on your doorsteps. No one ever got an answer out of him, including you. He hadn’t even hinted at any team preference to you, brushing it off and changing the subject whenever you tried to see where his head was.

“Are you gonna open it or just stare.” You noted the slight waver in his voice, one that would have gone unnoticed to any ear untrained in the study of Sakusa Kiyoomi. You didn’t even know why you were so nervous, it wasn’t even your career. Taking a deep breath you pulled out the stack of papers, eyes drifting to the first paragraph mumbling the words aloud.

“We are excited to have you. We welcome your commitment to MSBY Black Jackals-“ you would have dropped the stack of papers had you not had them tugged out of your tight grip and placed on the table in front of you. “Holy shit,” you exclaimed, launching yourself at your boyfriend (uncomfortably knocking him against the corner of the couch, but he’d let you have this moment.)

Next you started babbling about how proud you were of him in between kisses all over his face. (Another thing he’d let you have for the moment despite the feel of your lip balm also sticking onto his face”). You were so happy for him, that you didn’t even notice the blush making its way on his face. His hand settling themselves on your waist, he basked in the attention from you.

When the shock managed to wear off, you had settled yourself into his lap. Sitting sideways, you had one hand playing with his hair, the other picking up your phone to record a video.

“And today, we have the greatest volleyball player in the world commuting to the greatest team in the world,” you beamed the front camera on you both.

“Look at that future (Y/N), Yoomi isn’t even swatting the camera away tonight. Looks like he looooooves me for once-“

“I always love you. You’re just annoying sometimes.” The jest was meant with a light kiss on your clothed shoulder before you continued, this time facing Sakusa instead of the camera

“Y’know. I knew right from the start there was no limit to you,” you spoke softly, eyes beaming.

“Is that so.” A real smile graced his face, as you moved the hand previously playing with his hair to gently trace over the moles on his face. “Thank you for believing.” You felt Sakusa take your phone from you cutting the camera. What took place after, definitely didn’t need to be caught on camera.

—

The sun is beaming. The weather is incredible . You were high on happiness, adrenaline, pride and maybe a little bit of caffeine as you currently posed for what felt like your millionth picture in the past 5 minutes. You hadn’t even found your family yet, surrounded by 100s of your peers all celebrating the same accomplishment. You did it. You were a college graduate. You had a degree. You felt another tap on your shoulder, as you happily screamed to your friend you’d made being in the same program.

“Dude I can't believe it!”

“Dude me either!” As the two of you took a quick selfie, your mind wandered to where and how Sakusa was doing. You hadn't seen him at all yet considering you both spent the mornings with your families who came into town. You wondered how he was doing with this whole thing. There were a shit ton of people out here after all. Before you could dwell on it, you felt your phone vibrate with none other than the man himself. You chuckled, already sending his irritation through the message as he told you to come to walk west, at the very edge of the crowd that was growing by the minute in the center. You sent a quick text to your mom about where you’d be, knowing your family were going to want a ton of pictures even with Sakusa.

Your excitement grew further if even possible as you finally found him, throwing your arms around his neck into a tight hug, swaying the both of you. “We did it, Sakusa,” you said, finally pulling away and eying him. He’d taken his cap off already, opting for holding it instead, and having unzipped his gown.

“We have degrees now,” he confirmed using his free hand to grab yours. “It’s too many people here.” All you could do was laugh as you eyed the control chaos going on just across the courtyard from you. You felt an odd sense of peace, just watching. The flowers planted just for graduation season even looked beautiful. Something you may not have paid nearly as much attention to had you not been dating Sakusa.

In fact, if you weren’t dating him you knew you’d be in the middle of the chaos right now. Still happy no doubt, but being able to get away from it even for a few minutes felt amazing. You’d both be thrown back into it in a matter of minutes, squeezing in the last set of pictures with best friends and holding conversations with people you’d have to get used to not seeing several times a week. You knew that Sakusa was almost guaranteed to be forced into a picture with the other graduating volleyball players.

“My families heading over I’m sure,” you hummed bringing your eyes back to Sakusa's profile. The look on his face slightly confuses you. You couldn’t quite tell if it were nerves, irritation, or just a result of squinting from the bright sun.

“We’re gonna have to head back in soon”

“Do you want to move in with me”

The two of you spoke simultaneously. It was official. This is one of the best days of your life.

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 2, Month 4

“I’m gonna start dinner alright,” you called out as you pulled on one of Sakusa’s clean practice shirts and a pair of his old college sweats. Yes they were big,but they were more comfy than your own. Besides it was nothing a little, (read;a lot) of rolling and cuffing couldn’t fix. It was also his time of the month where you let him control the thermostat, and you’re cold! You’d just gotten out of the shower, him getting in shortly after coming home from a training day. The gym showers only do so much and he needed his own body wash is what he insisted the first time he came home and rushed immediately towards the bathroom.

You pulled out the sheet of paper with a recipe printed on it, courtesy of your co-worker. Earlier in the week you mentioned how you were craving chicken but no other recipe in your arsenal seemed appealing. Lo and behold you were given a sheet of paper with a recipe that apparently his family loved after experimenting with a few online recipes.

Before beginning you connect your phone to your speaker hitting shuffle. You manage to get all the ingredients out before a large knock sounds at your door. Confused, you yell out asking Sakusa if he was expecting anyone. You noticed the sounds of the shower ceased a few minutes ago, and that Sakusa would likely come to keep you company (more like sanitize the spice bottles the second you put one down.)

“Of course not,” with a shrug your wash your hands before gently opening the door. There’s a man. An attractive one- who looks oddly familiar. Wait, that guy is on Black Jackals, you note. Miya, Atsumu.

“Um hi,” you greet sounding more like a question, opening the door a bit wider.

“Shit! Did I come to the wrong apartment? I'm looking for Omi-Omi,” you noticed him trail off eyeing the shirt you were wearing. Omi-Omi? Sakusa must’ve heard him because the way he sprinted into the living room showed a scowl evident on his face. It even caused you to back up as Atsumu entered in.

“Why are you here. And how did you find where I live,” sakusa for right to the point.

“Aw c’mon Omi-Omi what if I missed ya. You left your earbuds in the locker room. Turned on you find my friends and matched the mailbox.” The glare on Sakusa’s face was one you recognized only when you genuinely irritated him. Not the one where he pretended to be annoyed but secretly wasn’t.

“But enough about that. How come you didn’t tell me you were dating. I thought we were friends. Omi-Omi,” Atsumu whined out arms crossing over his chest. As you were looking at his arms/ respectfully/ you jumped in a teasing pout of your own.

“Yeah Omi-Omi. Not telling your friends about me. A shame”

“Not you too.”

—

Dating Sakusa Kiyoomi: Year 2, Month 6

“You excited,” your question causes another wave of conversation between the men in the pre waiting area. Warmups were set to start in about 20 minutes. Shortly after you met Atsumu, he’d insisted you be introduced to the entire team. Afterall, other significant others got to hang out sometimes. Today was the day. Sakusa’s biggest match of his professional career yet. MSBY Black Jackals V Schweiden Adlers.

Receiving a mix of enthusiastic expletives, you turn towards your boyfriend who has yet to answer, prompting you to tease asking if he were nervous.

“No. We’re going to win,”

“That's the spirit Omi-Omi! Gonna beat Wakatoshi this time,” This time you bit back your laugh, smirking at the Miya twin’s jest. You loved getting able to take a break from being annoying. Sakusa, as per usual, noticed it. Getting up he motioned, that you follow him outside, ignoring the teases of getting a good luck kiss.

The minute you two rounded the corner of the hallway, a warm hand enveloped yours. Your confused look prompts your boyfriend to cage you against the corner of the wall. His unoccupied hand resting against the side of your head.”

“I am excited.” While his expression remained unchanged, The look in his eyes said it all. It was the same twinkle he showed that time you two made up after admitting your love. And the one present after revealing his commitment to MSBY to you. “And you are going to win,” your reiteration caused a soft smile to catch his face.

“Here's to you and your first major game Kiyoomi. And to many more because you're a star. Now go win.”

a/n: well this has been a roller coaster. I challenged myself to write 5k words, and 95% of this was written at like 3am bc thats when i go to sleep. I also did this to try and gain a feel for him so i can finish his part in good & the bad series. I really do be hoping this aint too ooc, bc while im caught up on the happenings of the manga from spoilers and twitter, i haven't actually gotten around to reading that far myself. also sorry for shitty formatting, ive never actually written a single body with this many words in a singular part ??? also i didnt edit this past google doc feature sooooo

anyways i did work hard and on this for the past week in between finals as a college junior so any comments and feedback are appreciated

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #hq imagines #sakusa x reader #haikyuu imagine #sakusa imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons

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quarantined-with-bucky · 4 years

Text

Good Together

Bucky x Reader

Words: ~ 9,300 (sorry!)

Summary: You and Bucky have a very tumultuous relationship -- but you’re good together.

Warnings: Smut!! Angst maybe.

A/N: Inspired by “Good Together” by SHY Martin. This is my first time writing smut, so please let me know what you think and I’m so sorry if this is terrible!! Just let me knoowwww also sorry for making it so long!

...

I've been working on myself and on my patience But sometimes that shit don't come easy And I see you've been tryin' your best to give me explanations But words don't really cut it lately

“Buck, would you just listen to me,” you spat, emphasizing the last three words, shaking your hands in significance. He continued calmly putting the dishes away; you knew it was a façade: his relaxed shoulders, plain face, raised eyebrows – all a ruse to make him look like a victim. “Turn around.”

He spun quickly on his heel, still holding the clean plate in his hand, facing you with a strong tone of expectation: expectation that you had something really fucking good to say if you had to interrupt him putting the dishes away, especially since you ask him every day to help out with the chores. “Yes, dear?”

You rolled your eyes almost immediately as the term of less-than-endearment slipped off his tongue. “Listen to what I’m saying – ”

“I can multitask, (Y/N), thank you very much.” He continues on his merry way unloading the dishwasher, turning his back to you once again.

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath. An inhale and exhale through your mouth; so quiet yet you’re sure he heard you. Focus, you thought to yourself, shutting your eyes and finding your peace. He wants you to snap. You took another deep breath, craning your neck in a circle, listening as the top of your vertebrae cracks with a loud pop! “All I’m saying,” you begin smoothly, “is that you need to stop acting like a baby.”

He scoffs, eyebrows raising in doubt. “What part of this is being a baby, (Y/N); enlighten me.” Patronizing fuck.

You swore that talking to him took more patience than raising a puppy – hell, at least the puppy would learn to listen to you. “You’re always like acting like the victim; such a martyr. I try to bring up one thing with you – have an adult discussion – and suddenly you act like it’s all my fault and that I’m crazy? Like I’m the bad guy here.”

You can feel him roll his eyes through the back of his head. He shrugs. “Look, (Y/N), all I was saying was that you were bitchin’ over nothin’ – all I did was apologize.”

You actually laughed arrogantly, reminding him what he stated earlier, laying the sarcasm on as heavily as he did: “oh, I’m so sorry, (Y/N). Sorry that I have eyes and like to use them to look around.” You narrowed your eyes at him, finally gaining his full attention as he fisted the cutlery. “Sorry, how does having eyes justify you eye-fucking the girl behind me?”

“I wasn’t even staring – ”

And you snapped. In his defense, you maybe sounded a little shrill when you flipped out at him; your voice did, in fact, raise about twelve octaves. “You were literally undressing her with your eyes, James.” You threw up your hands in the air, exaggerating a groan as your head dropped back. “You probably have x-ray vision, don’t you?” You accused, almost jokingly. But as he narrowed his eyes as he hesitated to say something back, searching his mind for the proper response – but you were too fast. “You fucking do, don’t you, you piece of shit. Of course – ”

The sound of shattering glass cut you off immediately. You opened your eyes and straightened your stance to be faced with Bucky, butter knife in his hand, and a plate, split perfectly in half, sitting on the counter beside him. His blue eyes were squeezed tight in control, his flesh hand gripping the knife so hard that his knuckles had gone white. You stared at the porcelain dinner plate, feignedly wondering if that’s what he wanted to do to you.

Deep down, you knew he would never lay a hand on you; he always insisted on throwing or breaking something when he became so frustrated with his anger – with you. He’d gone so far as to throw a lamp at the wall (in the opposite direction of you, of course); thus, showing his intention to release his anger and not an intention to hurt you. The two of you had been working on different ways to channel his anger; however, as he stated: he was used to a life of destruction, so that’s how he vented. He found that it got the job done: it got you to shut the fuck up.

“I don’t have x-ray vision, don’t be a child about it.” His voice was surprisingly calm, especially considering how he still hadn’t put the knife down. “I wasn’t even starting. I glanced at her – in her direction.”

This wasn’t the first time you’d had this conversation, though. That’s the issue that he didn’t comprehend. You let out a sigh, speaking calmer than you had all night. “Bucky, I’m just sick of having this same conversation, please,” you pleaded, taking a step closer. He remained silent and still, eyeing you as you approached him. “I feel like I’m not asking for much.” Stop staring at other girls while you’re on a date with me: not much. It was not only infuriating, it was embarrassing.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, putting the knife on the counter beside the pieces of plate, turning his head down. “I didn’t mean to be doing it. I just get distracted.” His voice was quiet, almost child-like as it rose in inflection.

You were torn. You could believe what he was saying, hoping that this time he’d actually be telling the truth: you knew he had a short attention span, and he did have a tendency to space out a lot. But you were caught between believing that and the fact he had spaced out in the direction of a girl with a significantly low-cut blouse. These other times, he liked to play the victim-card, blaming his less-than-appealing tendencies on his poorer qualities that, technically, nobody could refute him having.

You’d learned to read through his words, though. And this time, it was the latter.

Remember when our love was precious We thought what we had was the best, yeah Now every answer's a question Like every night is one of us is getting aggressive The other one's acting possessive Guess it's the way that we do shit now

Your fights had grown frequent.

Your relationship had grown volatile.

Not that it wasn’t based on your tumultuous roots – but it had just gotten so much worse lately.

This relationship started off fairly normal, however, the cherished affair the two of you shared quickly became tainted through the media. Countless news outlets had gotten word of the coupling instantaneously, leaving the two of you swamped with paparazzi and yelling passerby’s every time either of you left your houses. It was quite the shock that James Buchanan Barnes had a girlfriend – a regular girlfriend, too; a non-Avenger. People were quick to sell you out, too. Close friends and even some family selling information about your relationship (and even just material about you) to make a quick buck.

It had gotten the best of the both of you early on. Bucky was tired of being constantly followed and photographed. He was a man who had grown used to solitude and, while he was slowly but surely adapting to twenty-first century life and everything that came along with that, all of the flashing lights and constant yelling made him want to climb into a hole and live in the dark forever.

You, similarly, were extremely unaccustomed to this. Suddenly, you were on the cover of magazines, reading articles about yourself in People & Us magazines, scrolling through stories of yourself on Snapchat. Old friends, people from college, even some work colleagues sold stories about you to the tabloids. Maybe some of the resentment that you held towards them reflected upon Bucky. You didn’t think about it often, but maybe there was a correlation – an unfair correlation, obviously. Your hatred on the outside world didn’t equate to hatred towards Bucky, but you still aimed it towards him quite a bit.

Bucky, never slow to defend himself, returned said animosity right back at you. The two of you picked each other apart until you were both bloody and raw.

Tonight was no different.

The entire evening, meant to be romantic, turned into a fight. You both intended for event at Stark Industries to be uneventful: a night of mingling with friends, reminiscing in old stories, and drinking expensive champagne. It started off halfway decent, that is, until you started meeting more of the people that worked at the Tower.

You had no problem hanging out with the rest of the Avengers – especially Sam, who you bonded with through teasing Bucky (nothing but love, of course), but when it came to meeting a couple other supporting agents, you were a little out of you element.

Take, for example, Agent Toller, who came up to you and Bucky early on, greeting him kindly with a hug and introducing herself to you with a handshake. “Nice to meet you, (Y/N)! Bucky’s told me so much about you!” You smiled genuinely at her statement, responding and continuing the conversation. It, of course, came to a point where she slung her arm around his and stated matter-of-factly: “You better keep him locked up. I know a lot of ladies wanting to get their hands on him.”

Your lungs deflated. Including herself, apparently. “I’ll do my best,” you reply through gritted teeth.

Then there was Agent Rivers, who straight off the bat ignored you. She came up to Bucky telling him she finally mastered the thigh-grip, a move, she later clarified, made notorious through Black Widow. “All that time in the gym finally paid off, huh,” Bucky teased.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she beamed back, touching a hand to his arm.

He rolled his eyes playfully, chuckling. “Please, just playing the dummy – as usual.”

She merrily smacked his arm, grinning. “Don’t say that, Buck.”

You stood next to Bucky, staring up at the man blankly. Rivers trotted off once she caught wind of you glaring at Bucky. Plucking another glass of champagne from the passing server, you took a long sip, finally asking: “So, Buck, what would be your part in her mastering this thigh grip?” It was a bit condescending, a little irked, and extremely sarcastic. The image of her perfect legs around your boyfriends neck did not sit right with you.

Was he more of a flirt than you remembered? It had been ages since he’s properly flirted with you. It was nothing to get angsty about; its not like you had anything to truly worry about. He came home every evening, spent the night in your bed with you; save for when he went on missions, but surely, he wasn’t accompanied by any women you had to worry about, at least – Natasha and Wanda had your full confidence. But it wasn’t the women that bothered you; you shouldn’t have to worry about Bucky. No matter how many beautiful, strong, talented women flirted with him, he should shut them down – not flirt back literally in front of you.

A few more introductions played out exactly like that, so a few more glasses of champagne were necessary for you to get through the evening. At one point you actually started having a good time. You’d left Bucky to chat with the boys while you found sanctuary in your girlfriends off to the side. You were able to air out your grievances, confidential information falling onto open ears. They took your mind off it by bringing up their own drama, in which you all openly made jokes and critiques, the liquor now fully streaming through all of your bloodstreams.

Once the party started to clear out and even some of the Avengers began to leave, Bucky swooped by your pow-wow and wrapped his arm around your waist, whispering a quiet “ready to go?” in your ear. You and Bucky walked out with Sam and his girlfriend, chatting casually.

As you expected, as soon as the pair spilt off from you two, everything fell silent. Not the good silent: the silence that swirled around you two as your gazed at stars together, the silence as you laid napping in each other’s arms on the couch, the silence that comforted him after a nightmare, accompanied by your fingers curling through his hair. No; this was the silence filled with tension; it was the kind of silence that you’d rather die than have to ride home in the car with him not talking to you.

You bit your lip when you brought it up.

He actually laughed, one hand gripping the steering wheel, the other resting loosely on his lap. He turned his head to you momentarily, a glint in his eye as his smile mocked you. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“They’re all throwing themselves at you!” You clarify, exasperated, throwing your hands in your lap, turning towards him underneath your seatbelt.

“I can’t help that, can I?” He shrugged it off, turning back to the road, reclining farther in his seat, biting his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling. Smug bastard.

“Yes, James. It’s called personal space and we all have it.” You spoke slowly, enunciating each work clearly. “It would really kill you to tell these girls to stop touching you?” He pulled into a parking spot in front of your apartment and got out of the car without even letting you finish. You followed suit, trialing him up the few steps to the front door. “Every single woman you talked to had her hands all over you.”

He shoves the door open, leaving it wide open for you. “I wasn’t touching them, was I?” He ran his hands through his hair, pulling it back. He groaned and pulled at the tips, acting as if any sort of physical torture would be more preferable to this conversation. “No, my hand was on you the whole entire time, (Y/N). It’s not an issue.”

You slammed the door, crossing your arms over your chest. “Really?” You questioned, tone and volume raising significantly. “So, you don’t care about them touching you in front of your girlfriend? It’s not an issue? Forget it just pissing me off – you don’t think that was fucking embarrassing for me?”

He shrugged earnestly, raising his eyebrows and pursing his lips.

Taking a page out of his book, you pick up the closest thing in arms-length: the half-empty wine bottle you’d left on the table from earlier. You don’t intentionally aim for Bucky, but maybe you weren’t seeing as clearly as you thought you were. It narrowly swipes past him as you drive it into the wall, only marginally missing him because he took a step sideways. His eyes are wide momentarily, turning his head from the large red splotch dripping down the white wall back to focus on you. Instantly, his posture changes: he’s standing upright, more alert – no longer seeing you as annoying instead of nonthreatening; his chest puffs out, his eyebrows knit together, lips pressed into a firm line as he glowers at you. “What. The. Fuck.” His teeth are barred, the words coming out bitterly.

“Oh,” you scoffed, unable to hide the smirk forming on your lips. “You don’t like it when I do it to you?” If you were in his position, you’d want to slap yourself. You were only taunting the beast, speaking to him in such a patronizing tone. You couldn’t help yourself, though; it was finally a taste of his own medicine: to be treated like a child. You bit your lip, trying to smother the smile pulling your lips as you watched with half-lidded eyes as he strutted towards you.

“You don’t fucking talk to me like that.”

You raised your eyebrows in challenge. “Says who?”

He stares down at you, another stride forward, consuming all the space left between the both of you. Taking one more step, he backs you into the wall. Your shoulder blades make contact with the cold plaster. “I do.” His voice was rough, about six octaves lower than usual, volume barely above a whisper, yet so much anger in his tone. You laugh, breathing out, sneering at him. “You better wipe that smile off those pretty little lips.” His voice did not waver; there was no inflection nor cadence of amusement.

Your smirk does not faulter. “Make me.” His metal hand snakes around the base of your throat, squeezing the sides of your neck. He watches in amusement as your smile quickly drops into an open mouth, gasping as you struggle to take in a sharp breath in shock.

His hips press into yours, hip bones jamming into each other’s. His breath tickles the shell of your ear as he leans in closer to you, chest against chest. “Not so funny now, is it, baby?”

You and me we never say we're sorry Hands around my body Fucking 'til we're good Fucking 'til we're good And we promise we'll do better Both go down together Fucking 'til we're good

You stare up at him under your eyelashes and focus all your energy on inhaling and exhaling through your nose – this wasn’t your first rodeo.

He watches you, jaw tense, flexing at the sharp contour under his ears. You feel his angered breath as it warms the air over your nose. He grinds his hips up against yours, just moving ever so slightly, pushing his thigh in between your legs. You narrow your eyes at him, clenching your own jaw and huffing out a sharp breath. Your hands flew up to his metal forearm to have something you could hold onto as your oxygen left your lungs.

He leans in once again to whisper in your ear. “What’s that, baby?” He coos condescendingly. He kisses the spot just under your earlobe, the sensitive skin sending a jolt through your body. He trails a few more kisses under your jaw, just above his hand; each kiss becoming progressively longer and sloppier. He makes his way to your other ear, now pressing his lips right up against the cartilage. “You got more to say to me?” His metal fingers and his left leg. His thigh hitches farther up, you’re now practically sitting on his leg – trying to stabilize yourself on your tiptoes. His fingers squeeze your throat, causing you to shut your eyes as you release the breath from your lungs with a whine. He hums in response – you can feel his smile pressing into your skin. “That’s what I thought.”

Your eyes open at the sudden loss of contact as his grip loosens and he shifts back in front of you, face-to-face. He stares at you through the dark strands of hair that had fallen loose in front of his face, his eyes dark and clouded over with lust. You imagine you looked the same way, completely disheveled, staring up at him with nothing but desire. Your legs clench around his thigh, pulling yourself farther down onto his muscle-bound leg.

Bucky leans down, slowly diving in for the kiss.

But he stops too soon, his bottom lip just brushing yours. You try to meet him halfway, struggling against the sturdy grip on your throat. You can’t help but groan, eyebrows pulling together in need as he beams down at your joyfully. “You wanna tell me what you need, baby?”

“Touch me,” you whine, hips now moving ever so slightly against his thigh. You couldn’t move much, considering you were barely balanced on there, but you could manage.

“Touch you?” He questioned, quickly swooping forward, pressing his lips to yours chastely. As soon as you tilted your head to deepen the kiss, he tore himself far enough from your lips to speak in a hushed tone: “Touch you like those girls were touching me?”

Fuck. Immediately without thinking, you release his forearm where your hands previously rested, pushing back on his chest as hard as you absolutely could. He stumbled back a couple steps, completely taken off guard. God, you were so hot when you were aggressive like that. He loved pushing you to your breaking point: to the point where you’d begin to assert yourself towards him. He loved when you stood up to him, reeling in anger, just so he could take charge and show you who was boss.

It was an adrenaline rush for him.

For you, too.

You stood before him, fists clenched in rage, staring at him. He was just barely smirking, eyelids half shut, a hungry look on his face. Ever the challenge, he would conquer you.

You nearly jumped when he pounced, taking him up against you, legs twined around his back, arms locked behind his neck. His tongue was hot on yours, meeting in a seething hot kiss. His hands immediately palmed at your ass underneath your cocktail dress that had now ridden up to pool at your waist.

As he began up the stairs towards the bedroom, you broke the kiss – with a displeased groan from Bucky – and laid a sloppy trail of kisses and licks along his throat and to his ear. You pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the corner of his jaw (his weak spot), touching your tongue to his hot skin, following it with another kiss. His steps stuttered, his knees buckling as he took the next step. He groaned deep somewhere in the back of his throat, pinching your ass, a quick slap ensuing afterwards as he regained his footing and kicked open the bedroom door.

He tossed you on the bed, wasting no time in grabbing the back collar of his shirt, pulling it over his head and onto the floor in one swift motion, completely disregarding the row of buttons sewed along the front. You took the hint, shimmying off your tight dress while laying on the mattress. He followed suit with his pants and underwear off next. As soon as the cool bedroom air hit his body, he was throwing himself on top of you, pulling your dress off the rest of the way and unhooking your bra. He discarded your underwear next, pitching it over his shoulder, fingers immediately finding your pussy and sinking in.

He took you by surprise, eyes squeezing shut and knees involuntarily closing together. Bucky used his hand to hold one leg down, prying them apart completely. He looked between his hand – his fingers pushing in and out of you completely soaked – and your face – eyebrows knitted together and mouth hanging open. He didn’t know which view he liked better. “Shit, baby, you been this wet the whole time?”

That was the thing about Bucky – he was a talker. If he wasn’t egging you on, then he was filling the room with his vulgar commentary and dirty talk. He added another finger, pumping in and out of you faster, obscene sounds blocking out anything and everything he said. He moved his metal hand from your knee to your clit, rubbing in slow circles, contrasting to his other movements. His metal hand was great – sensitive, temperature resistant; better than his flesh hand – but, god, there was something about feeling your wet cunt on his own skin drove him crazy.

You gasped, quickly biting your lip in anticipation of your orgasm. “Oh yeah, baby? That feel good?” He huffed, thumb whirling on your clit faster. He hunched to lay a kiss on your breast, meeting you hallway sitting-up to capture his lips with yours. You released the sheets you’d been clutching, instead opting to fist his hair, pulling his mouth hungrily to yours. As your body throbbed and your pussy clenched around his fingers, you moan into his mouth, falling back onto the bed.

Bucky sat upright on the bed and watched you as you laid on the bed completely blissed out; hair splayed across the mattress around your head, chest heaving up and down, legs shut – shaking – but knees pulled together, arms once pulling taught at his hair now limp on either side of you.

He waited patiently for about forty-five seconds for you to open your eyes. As soon as you did – without enough time for your eyes to even focus on him, he grabbed your waist, flipping you on the bed, gripping your hips to pull you ass to his face. He truly was a face-down ass-up kind of guy. Not that you minded.

You squeaked, burying your face in the sheets as his hand slapped your ass; his palm following to rub away the burning hot sensation it left behind. You felt his tongue drag a long line up from your clit to your tight hole, taking extra note to curl inside your leaking pussy.

Bucky wasted no more time in straightening up and giving his cock a few pumps, smearing his precum all the way down to the base. He grabbed your hip in one hand, guiding his dick to drive into you with the other. He sighed, your soaking wet, tight cunt squeezing him as he pounded into you from behind. He took hold of both your hips, balancing himself on his knees, pulling you backwards on his dick as he rifled his hips forward.

His momentum drove him forward, nearly folding on top of you, your ass pushed dangerously high in the air, tits and face pressed firmly into the mattress, muffling the sounds that escaped you every time the tip of his cock drove into you. His metal hand remained gripping your hipbone, his other palm pressing flat into the curve at the small of your back, pressing your arch deeper and ass further up as your ribcage met the top of the mattress.

He pounded relentlessly into you, the tiniest change in position making your pussy even tighter around him. “Take it,” he growled through gritted teeth. “Take my fucking dick, baby.” You couldn’t help but release a short breathy moan every time his dick brushed against the very edge of your cervix.

Bucky gathered a fistful of your hair in his metal hand, half slipping out, the other half tangled dangerously in between the death grip of his fingers. He hauled you up, causing you to yelp as you tried desperately to push yourself up. He never let go of your hair, instead using it as a vice to keep your back pressed firmly against his sweaty chest, yelping as he did so.

The pain subsided quickly as his other hand found your still sensitive clit, rubbing it with fast, loose circles. You dropped your head, no longer resisting him pulling it back, falling against his shoulder. “That’s my good girl,” he cooed, driving his dick upwards into your wet cunt; the soft pants you made egging him on.

He waited until he could sense your orgasm – feeling your muscles clench, your body stiffen, temperature rise – before he let himself cum, pumping thick ropes of his cum deep into you. His fingers didn’t stop working on your clit – in fact, they moved even faster even harder. You came with a shriek, his hand finally releasing your hair, allowing you to drop forward onto the mattress.

You didn’t move – couldn’t move – but Bucky followed suit, hovering lowly over you, pressing kisses down your spine, reveling in the feeling of his cum dripping out of your pussy around his dick still warm inside of you.

We don't do no, we don't do no conversations We don't talk the way we used to You act like we're all good sometimes, you know I hate it 'Cause it's so obvious it ain't true

“Hey, Buck,” you called from the kitchen as he walked through the front door. He didn’t acknowledge you, didn’t even look in your remote direction. He kicked off his shoes, tossed his keys on the table, and walked directly past you to grab a snack from the fridge. “Dinner will be ready in fifteen,” you mention, watching as he already began devouring the left-over chicken legs from the other day.

You gave him the benefit of the doubt: maybe he had a bad day. You continued chopping the onion, minding your business, silently cursing him out. He can’t even give you a simple hello back? Yes, a bad day makes anyone want to come home and eat a whole meal, but does it really give him the excuse to eat a whole meal right as you’re working on dinner in front of him? If you knew his plan was to eat cold chicken for dinner, you would’ve gone out to eat by yourself instead of making supper for the both of you.

As you started working on mincing the garlic, you mulled over last nights’ events. The two of you had it out, sure, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. You’d fought, made up, even cuddled when you went to sleep. Now today he was going to flat out ignore you with no rhyme or reason. Unless something did happen – something regarding his coworkers? It wouldn’t be impossible, you thought to yourself, bitterly slamming the knife on the cutting board.

“Can you chill with that?” Bucky grumbled, finally looking in your direction, mouth full as he spoke to you in an irritated tone.

“I’m chill,” you mumbled, scraping the contents of the chopping block into the pan, a sizzle filling the silence that now washed over the two of you.

“What’s your problem?” He muttered, mostly to himself, as he took another bite.

“You’re my fucking problem.” You earnestly didn’t mean for him to hear it; if it weren’t for his goddamn super soldier hearing, he wouldn’t have.

He sighed heavily. “What did I do? I’ve been home all of two-minutes.”

You abandoned your pan, turning on your heel to face him. “You’re always ignoring me.”

“What?” He questioned, dropping the container on the counter and raising his hands up. “I can’t enjoy silence anymore? Do you want me to hate every aspect of my life?” He bit his tongue, immediately regretting what he said, but lacking the filter to be able to stop himself. He just wanted for once to be able to have a conversation – actually, he wanted for once to not have to have a conversation – but to have one without arguing would be a gift from god.

You lay the wooden spoon on the island counter between the two of you, the smell of burning onions and garlic now very fragrant in the space between you. “Damn, I wish I knew you hated your life earlier,” you sigh. He rolls his eyes, preparing a refute about how you always seem to blow things out of proportion, but you cut him off before he can open his mouth. “I would’ve left a long time ago.”

He’s the one who was always incapable of talking. One small thing ticks him off and suddenly the only thing he’s capable of doing is shutting himself in a dark room alone. He’s always shutting you out and pushing you away; and all you every try to do is something nice for him – making him dinner, offering an open ear to ramble off some steam – but he always ends up throwing your good deeds back in his face.

Not anymore.

You simply walk out the door. You took your purse, your keys, put on your shoes, and left him standing alone in the kitchen with his chicken.

Maybe it was an overreaction. However, you felt that it was fine based on how he acts like this every day. Was he doing it so you’d fight, and he could just have angry sex with you to make it okay later? Did he genuinely not want to talk to you – ever? If he really hated his life – and you in it – he would surely let you know? Unless this was the actual way he was letting you know? He didn’t call out after you, he just rolled his eyes and let you walk out the door.

Not extremely surprising, but it did hurt your feelings a bit. How could it not? The man you loved for the past two years, put up with this tumultuous relationship for, dealt with his mood swings, waited for him to come back home to you – all that for him to tell you he hated his life? His life that you entered and made so much better; at least, that’s what you thought.

So, you gave him a day. If silence and peace was what he truly wanted, you’d give it to him. You crashed at your friend’s place that evening, taking that bumpy couch so Bucky would have his time alone.

The only issue is that he didn’t call you the next day. He didn’t call or text.

He was waiting for you to come back to him. Understandable but annoying – aggravating. You (and your friend) hatched out a plan. You waited until he left for work before you returned home, grabbing a few necessities: clothes, toothbrush, the works, and heading back out to her place. There was no doubt that he would know you were gone. This happened twice before. That you became so irritated with him that you left for the night. But you went back the next day, coming home to him lounging on the couch with not a care in the world, hindsight told you that much. You’d simply laid on top of him, his arms snaking around your waist and your face buried in his neck. He waited for you to come back because that’s what he knew you’d do.

This time, you wanted him to reach out. To see if you were okay. To see if you were coming home. You felt like the only one putting in effort and you were so tired. That effort, of course, was shown in the fights the two of you had. You might be able to pin 75% of said arguments on you; but yelling at him was the only way to get through to him. Boy, he loved to fight. You’d honestly never seen him show off such emotion. You brought everything up – the other women all over him, his attitude problems, everything that bothered you. But he never said anything to you. He was so apathetic towards you that he barely spoke to you anymore. He didn’t ask how your day was, he didn’t get jealous when another guy flirted with you, he didn’t even respond to you saying hello – he was completely apathetic.

You waited four days: Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.

Monday, actually, you called in sick for work. You were caught between sobbing to your friend about how much Bucky didn’t care about you and wanting to show up to the Avengers Tower with your fists clenched and a certain red-headed Russian spy to back you up. There was no word from him. He obviously saw some of your things were missing; hell, he probably knew exactly where you were, too. He just didn’t do anything about it.

He obviously didn’t care, so you wouldn’t either.

So good together Maybe I'm crazy Maybe we're crazy No one loves me better Than you, you, you, you

It was clear that you were broken up. Neither of you said anything, but you slowly started to move out of your shared apartment, taking small amounts every day while he was at work until you were fully moved out and into the spare bedroom at your sister’s place on the other side of the city. It made your commute to work a little harder, now having to take two trains and walk a couple blocks; but you learned to appreciate the city, the architecture, the weather. Living with her was great – she was a built-in friend; but it wasn’t living with Bucky.

You were a little heartbroken – maybe more bitter. He just let you go without a fight.

Without a single word.

It was four months of binge-eating, wine-drinking and moping around about Bucky before you had a date. The date itself was fine. The guy was cute enough, funny enough, sweet enough. Your sister convinced you to go out with him again. You almost used him just to take your mind off Bucky. You felt bad about it, but he technically knew you and Bucky dated not long ago.

Everybody knew. It was in the tabloids. They photographed the two of you separately. They connected the dots after they hadn’t seen you and him together for a few weeks. Instead, they only got photos of you or him doing mundane things: you grocery shopping, Bucky going for a run around Central Park; you sitting on the train on your way home from work, Bucky saving the world.

Although you never grew to like having paparazzi take photos of your every step, you’d grown accustomed to it. You never made the front page or headline news, more reserved to as a style-guide or just a few Buzzfeed articles about yourself. Bucky, however, made headlines a lot. You had to speed walk past the newspaper and magazine stands around the city because you didn’t want to see him: whether he was decked out in armor, fighting bad guys, or simply smiling alongside Steve and Sam as they enjoyed one rare night out – you didn’t want to know about any of it.

You continued to see Oliver, almost seriously now, but trying to see past the whole using-him-as-a-rebound mentality. You’d gone on a few more dates, and, before you knew it, he had officially asked you to be his girlfriend. He was awkward in a cute sort of way – couldn’t be more of the polar opposite of Bucky.

Bucky had a demanding, intimidating presence; Oliver stood lanky and slender. Bucky was every bit of tall-dark-and-handsome; Oliver was fair and pale. Bucky’s attitude read toxic, masculine, and provocative; Oliver read like a nerdy-teenager, meekly quiet.

While there was nothing wrong with Oliver, he just wasn’t Bucky.

There was another aspect in which Oliver didn’t hold a candle to Bucky.

In. The. Bedroom.

You may not have been in love with Oliver, but, damn, after six months a bitch gets horny. It was fine at first, you were going to throw a dog a bone and not judge him too much the first round. After all, he was genuinely nice and seemed to care about you a lot, so you weren’t about to crush his heart just because he couldn’t make you cum the first time.

You’d grown to a certain level of intimacy with Bucky. One minute you could be making love – softly, sensually; the next minute he could be choking you and fucking you senseless. A long time was spent building the light affection between the two of you, before either of you even got comfortable with the toxicity and animosity that surrounded you – that egged you on, riling each other up until it was too much and you’d just explode. And maybe that was your problem. Each of you had too much pride and hidden hostility that it engulfed you. You’d lost touch with your younger selves. That became your downfall.

You tried not to think about it too much. Especially when you were in Oliver’s bed and he was kissing your neck. Exactly the position you were in at that exact moment.

His lips were sucking a hickey on your neck as he fucked you slowly. You laid flat on the bed, his elbows bent on either side of your ribcage, head tucked under your jaw. “You like that?” He whispered, dragging his hand down your stomach, fingers desperately trying to find your clit.

You laid there like a dead fish. There was no way you were going to be able to stand this for any longer. You stopped him, pressing a hand to his chest and pushing him off your body. “Let’s switch,” you suggested.

He laid down in your place, allowing you to hop on, reverse cowgirl, fucking yourself the way you wanted.

Bucky liked it when you did that. And you liked the way that Bucky would’ve let you use his dick to get yourself off, smacking your ass along the way, spurring you on. “Fuck, I love it when you ride me like this, baby,” he’d groan, snapping his hips up to match yours.

Oliver stayed quiet, breathing heavily as he watched your perky ass bounce up and down in front of him. You were just getting into rhythm when he began to groan behind you. No, no, no, please. One more minute, you begged, cadence not faltering. Before long – before you came – Oliver finished, leaving you with no other choice than to lay on the bed beside him. He pressed a breathless kiss to your lips. “That was amazing,” he mumbled against your lips. “Did you cum?”

Yeah fucking right. You kissed him again, humming in neither confirmation nor opposition. He got up and shimmied to the bathroom to dispose of the used condom. You shut your eyes and nearly face-palmed yourself.

God, Bucky had ruined you.

Ruined your emotions, your life, your perception of love.

Ruined you for any other man.

So, laying in Oliver’s bed, unsatisfied, you couldn’t help but think about how much you’d want to off yourself if Bucky slept with someone else – especially Toller or Rivers. You were broken up. It had been months – nearly a year. Hell, even you were technically sleeping with someone else.

But just the thought of him treating someone else the way he did you – pulling her hair, fucking her, eating her out, making her scream his name like it was the only word she knew – it devastated you.

You promise yourself not to ask and never to find out.

If it isn't love, tell me why do we hurt so good? If it isn't love, tell me why do we hurt so good together? If it isn't love, tell me why do we feel so good? If it isn't love, tell me why do we hurt so good together? So good together

You broke up with Oliver that night. It was better for everyone.

You felt it best to take this time to focus on yourself. Hell, you spent your whole past relationship focusing on Bucky, you spent all of your time with Oliver focusing on how he wasn’t Bucky.

This was about you. It was about your career, your health, your sanity.

Your broken heart.

No matter how hard you threw yourself into your work, how much you worked out, how much you refined your cooking, how many self-help books you read – you felt empty.

You got promoted at work, you built your confidence up, your pallet refined, you loved yourself more than you ever had – something was still missing.

And that’s how you ended up with your phone ringing against your ear, Bucky sitting silently on the other end.

He agreed to meet you. As you walked up the stairs from the subways station, your heartstrings tightened as you walked around your old neighborhood. It had been a year since you’d really been back here; you’d passed through occasionally, but never wanted to take your time travelling down the streets, as it was too painful. There were too many memories of you and Bucky walking hand-in-hand down these streets.

You strolled down your old block, stopping in front of your old apartment. Books and plants cluttered the front windowsill, CDs stacked along the side, bright lights shining across the windowpane, a shadow cast over the glass.

Of course Bucky sold the place. You left. He had no reason to keep it. He had a place at the Tower. He had people there. He had a life there.

You crossed your arms over your chest, pushing the collar of your coat higher around your neck, shielding yourself from the cold New York winter evening. You turned the corner at the end of the block, seeking shelter in the coffee shop. Bucky agreed to meet you here; it was neutral ground for the both of you. You’d had plenty of dates there, Sundays spent catching up on work and getting coffee. There were no bad memories here, no fights, no fowl words, no animosity. Only hand holding, hot coffee, and shy smiles passed from over the small tables.

You pulled open the door to the shop, sighing in relief as the warm air hit your cheeks. You stopped suddenly in your tracks, breath hitching in the back of your throat.

There he sat, fifteen minutes earlier than you planned, wrapped in that navy-blue sweater you loved – you loved to wear – waiting for you. You couldn’t feel your legs. You couldn’t take a step forward.

You barely recognized him. Obviously, you’d never miss him. He just looked so different. His hair was cut – short. He was clean shaven. He was a completely different man.

He stared you up and down. You looked good, he could tell even with your thick winter jacket and tall boots. He missed your face, your eyes, your lips, your hair, your smell – everything. He waited for you to walk over to the table; it took about two more minutes of you staring at him before you even made your first step closer.

You finally took a seat at the opposite side of his table, a large latte already waiting for you. Your hands were shaking as your held it against the porcelain cup. You couldn’t even look him in the eyes. His handsome blue eyes. His chestnut locks brushed back nearly away from his face, showing off his chiseled cheekbones and jawline. You loved his long hair, you loved grabbing it, you loved the way it hung in his eyes, contrasting his blue eyes; it made him look so edgy. But this Bucky. Ladies’ man, charming, mesmerizing. You’d only seen pictures of Bucky like this, but you couldn’t believe how alluring he actually looked in real life.

Bucky with long hair would fuck you raw until you screamed yourself raw – Bucky with short hair would smile while doing it.

“Hey,” you whispered, voice failing you as you dropped your eyes to your latte.

You saw him nod at you from under your eyelashes. He lifted his own coffee to his mouth, taking a long sip before clearing his throat, gaining his full attention. You bit your bottom lip, staring at him wide-eyed. “So…” he began softly, giving you a half smile. “You’re the one that called me here.”

You stared blankly at him. He was right. It had been over a year and you’d called him up. Why? The answer escaped even your own mind. You didn’t know what compelled you to call him or what your plan was going to be once you actually sat down in front of him. “I guess…” you sighed loudly, dropping your eyes again. “I – I was wondering…” You lost your voice again.

“Why I never called?” He finished for you. He looked sad, once you finally gained the courage to raise your head again. He stared blankly at you, very matter-of-factly. You nodded, not trusting your own voice. He confirmed your nod with one of his own, taking another sip of his coffee. “I didn’t think I should drag you down anymore.”

You rolled your eyes. Just like old times. “Stop playing the victim, James. That’s why I walked.” You took the first sip of your latte, cooled now after it had been sitting out.

He narrowed his eyes at you, but you were right. Just like old times. He shrugged casually, trying to keep his cards close to his chest. “I just thought you’d be better off without me.” He stops himself from reaching across the table and taking your hand. “And that’s being honest.”

You nodded, processing his words. “We weren’t good for each other, huh,” you muttered over the rim of your glass.

“It was kind of toxic,” he admitted, a nervous chuckle following after. He tugged his knit sleeve farther up his arm, flexing it behind his head and pulling at the tips of his hair at the top of his neck.

“You hair looks nice,” you throw in, filling the silence that had fallen between you.

“Thanks. Just needed a change-up,” he replied, dropping his hand to the tabletop.

You nodded softly. You leaving his life wasn’t enough change? “I just wanted you to want me to come back,” you blurt. That’s the change you were waiting for.

He slowly let out his breath, shifting in his chair. His eyebrows raised at the accusation. “I don’t know how you could think that I didn’t want you back.”

“Buy you didn’t say anything,” you protested, laying your hands on the table, trying to keep your voice calm and steady. “Every time I left – you never tried to call, text – nothing.”

He brought his hand up to his chin, rubbing his jaw firmly. It was his old habit dying hard; back when he had a beard, he used to scratch at it all the time, you used to run your fingers against it, used to revel in the feeling of it brushing roughly against your thighs. “(Y/N),” he sighed. “I didn’t know what I was doing – I was stupid. Look, I thought about what I said to you for days; Every day that you’ve been done, actually. I treated you like shit.”

“Well,” you interjected. “It goes both ways.”

Neither of you could hold back your smiles. God, you treated each other like shit. But that didn’t stop either of you from loving each other as much as you did. “A little pain with the pleasure,” he mumbled, drinking his coffee. “So, you called me just to ask me that?”

You sighed, now your turn to awkwardly scratch the back of your head. “I missed you.”

And that’s how you ended up at the Avenger’s Tower, Bucky throwing you on his bed. He laid on top of you, bringing his lips to yours. You fisted at his sweater, trying to tug it off of him, Bucky breaking off the kiss just to pull it off his back, his lips finding yours once again. You kicked off your boots as Bucky unbuttoned your jeans, making quick work pulling them off your legs. You sweater followed suit, lifting your torso off the bed so he could peel it off you. As soon as your skin was exposed, Bucky’s lips attached to your warm flesh.

He trailed his tongue and wet lips against your collarbone, trailing it down your chest, then between the valley of your breasts. He quickly pulled off your bra, throwing it on the ground beside the bed. He took your nipple into his mouth, sucking softly, flicking the tip of his tongue over your nipple. He continued downwards, kissing the underside of your breast and down your ribcage.

Your breath hitched as his tongue dragged across your warm slit; he let out a low moan, reveling in the taste he’d been missing for so long. His hands found your inner thighs, pushing them apart, pinning them to the bed. Your hands slid through his hair, grabbing handfuls of his chestnut locks, short strands slipping through your fingers.

He laid his tongue flat against your slit, pointing the tip to curl between your lips to taste your juice. He circled his tongue gently at your clit, his hand finding your lips, spreading open your pussy and spreading you open with two fingers. He pumped in and out of you slowly, indulging himself in your velvet cunt.

He hummed against your clit, kissing it softly before groaning into your folds. He added a third finger, joining them with his tongue as he stretched you open, licking his fingers clean afterwards. He ate you out with vigor, rapidly fucking you with his tongue and fingers.

As he continued tongue-fucking you, he pulled his fingers out, holding them up to your face. He looked up at your from over your pussy, holding his fingers to your mouth. “You taste so good, baby,” he whispered against your clit.

You opened your mouth, sticking your tongue out. You shut your eyes, swirling your tongue around his first two fingers as you sucked of the salty taste. You moaned around his fingers, Bucky’s face burying itself deeper into your pussy. As he sucked your clit, you sighed, dropping your head against the mattress and shutting your eyes tightly. You were surrounded by darkness and a sudden bright light.

He kissed your sensitive clit, kissing up your pubic bone and making his way up to your lips. “I missed your sweet pussy, baby.” You moaned, something about his low voice whispering against your lips, talking about how good you tasted that made you melt.

“Bucky, please,” you whimpered, fingers dragging through his hair, pulling at the ends. “I need you.”

He sighed, staring down at you. You were glowing. Sweat beading along your hairline, eyes glazed over and shining, skin luminous. “I love you, (Y/N),” he whispered, gazing into your eyes in admiration. “And I want you to know that I’m not letting you leave again – ” he pressed a firm kiss to your lips, his tongue running against your bottom lip. You parted your lips to accommodate his tongue, although he pulled away from you. “And I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.”

Your heart was heavy as it leaped into the back of your throat. Your breathing shallowed – and it wasn’t because of Bucky’s bodyweight laying on your chest. You blinked the tears away from your eyes, willing for them to not fall in this exact moment. “I love you, James.”

After two chaste kisses to your lips, he buried his head in the crook of you neck, lining up his cock with your entrance. As he pushed into you, he sighed against your collarbone, his hot breath tickling your skin. “Fuck, you’re so tight.” He bit into your shoulder, you eyes rolling to the back of your head as he bottomed out inside of you.

You hadn’t been stretched like this in so long. You felt like you could be torn in two as he impaled you. It hurt in all the best ways.

You gasped as he pulled out of you, quickly shoving back in – he bit his lip, nearly cumming in that exact moment. You were so tight, so wet. Nobody could fuck you like this – nobody could make love to you like this.

He took hold of your thighs, pulling them over his shoulders, calves resting against his collarbones. He took a hold of your upper thigh with one hand, intertwining his fingers with yours in his other hand, pressing it into the mattress. He angled his hips directly on top of yours, pounding straight on top of you. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed in the hot, steamy room, your sounds muffled by Bucky as he swallowed your moans.

He kissed you sloppily, his cock pulsating in your pussy, you writing underneath him – it was driving him crazy. It had been over a year since he had you under him: a squirming mess. You almost had to push him off of you – out of you – it was nearly too much. His wet lips on yours, his hot breath on your skin, his words whispered in your ear, you overly sensitive clit. This is what you’d been missing: all the pleasure that made the pain so worth it. The endless fights, the ruthless words, the meaningless fights.

Unbeknownst to either of you, it was the moment in which you both came simultaneously, in which you both silently promised each other to love each other forever – to never make the other hurt that badly again.

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #captain america #bucky barnes fanfiction #fanfic #bucky x you #angst #smut

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hobeymakar · 4 years

Text

Unapologetically | C. Makar Part 1

Chapter word count: 3,526

A/N: Title from the song Unapologetically by Kelsea Ballerini. This is my first chaptered fic in a long time and my first written on here, so please be kind. This fic is based off a set of very vivid reoccurring dreams I’ve had over the last couple of months that involve Cale and like the true psycho I am, I wrote the big things that happened in those dreams down. Then I decided recently to just turn it to a fic, so this is pretty self-indulgent. Is it possibly narcissistic of me to write a fic about me? Maybe, but I’m gonna write it anyway. This first chapter is gonna be a lil boring and weird because it has a lot of time skips but Chapter 2 will be much more exciting and way better

Shoutouts: @pizzasloot and @hockey-and-wine for being my biggest cheerleaders for writing for this fic in the gc and also shoutout to @grenawitka for always keeping the gc lit. I love you girls!

Warnings: explicit language, alcohol use

Tatyana “Taty” Marie Ventura or “Ace” as she is now being known as, never thought that when she started a podcast in the comfort of her Rhode Island home, that she would kind of blow up. Taty started the Ace of Hockey podcast because she wanted a career in hockey media and wanted to do it her way, being unapologetically herself. She started the podcast and started messaging hockey players and other athletes in hopes that they would come onto the podcast to talk about diversity and inclusion in the sport.

That’s how she finds herself on an early October evening receiving a message from Cale Makar on how he’s a fan of the podcast. She internally screams because she never thought an actual hockey player would listen to the podcast. She assumed only hockey fans would listen to the podcast and that it would never reach the notoriety of other hockey podcasts.

From: calemakar_

Hey, just wanted to say that I’m a big fan of your podcast. Buddy of mine showed it to me and I think it’s fantastic. It’s helping me learn how to be a better ally

To: calemakar_

Thank you so much, that means a lot honestly!

From: calemakar_

You’re welcome. I’ve been showing it to the team and they think it’s great for them to learn how to be better allies

To: calemakar_

Wow, that means so much! I just want people to know that hockey is great but it would be so much better if it became inclusive to everyone regardless of sex, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, etc. I just want hockey to really be for everyone

From: calemakar_

That's what we all want. We don't want anyone to feel like they can't play or enjoy hockey because of who they are

She doesn't know how to keep the conversation because she's awkward and just lets the dm sit there. She turns her attention to the latest hockey news and figuring out who's gonna be her next guest for the podcast.

A few hours later, she sees a follow request on her personal IG account and not the podcast account. She sees it's from Cale and is confused on why he would want to follow her personal account. She barely posts stuff about the podcast on there and uses it more to keep up with family with the occasional posts promoting the podcast and the guests. She accepts the request and doesn't think anything of it.

A few days later, she notices that he's been liking her posts and viewing her stories. He's been seeing her interact with family and friends and she still doesn't understand why he cares enough to keep up with her personal account. It starts becoming weird when he adds her on snapchat.

She sends him a dm on instagram to make sure it's actually him and not someone pretending to be him.

To: calemakar_

This might sound totally weird but did you just add me on snapchat?

From: calemakar_

Yeah I'm sorry. Josty thought it would be funny to hijack my phone and add you

To: calemakar_

No need to apologize, I just wanted to make sure it was actually you and not someone trying to be you to catfish girls

From: calemakar_

Yeah no, definitely my account

She accepts him as a friend on Snapchat and sends him a message.

To: Cale Makar

Hope it's okay I added you back

From: Cale Makar

Yeah, that's cool. You didn't have to tho. Don't want you to feel like you had to

To: Cale Makar

Trust me I added you back because I wanted to. I don't just accept anybody

She hits send before she can even think twice about it but then she reads it back and wants the ground to swallow her whole. She panics as she watches the delivered turn into a read and the little bubbles show up saying he's typing. It feels like forever before Cale sends a response back.

From: Cale Makar

Well I'm glad you didn't add me back out of pity

She doesn't know how to respond to that right away so she opens up other messages and posts updates on her work on her story. She goes back to the messages and starts typing a response, not wanting to leave him on read forever.

To: Cale Makar

Why would anybody do that?

She exits out of it and hopes that her attempts at extending a conversation aren't met with disappointment.

From: Cale Makar

I admit you got me there

To: Cale Makar

I get people to say that a lot

From: Cale Makar

Never picked you as the type to brag

To: Cale Makar

There's a lot of layers to me and a lot of things you don't know about me

From: Cale Makar

Well I hope I get to know more about you

She blinks multiple times not knowing if the message was actually real. After blinking several times, she realizes the message was real and she lets out a squeal. Is he actually flirting with her? She pinches herself because she must be dreaming. There's no way her favorite hockey player and crush is flirting with her. Shit like that doesn't happen to her! She has zero game and has been on a grand total of zero dates in her life. She has had zero boyfriends and girlfriends in her life, so this is something brand new for her.

Maybe she's reading it wrong? Maybe he's just being polite and isn't actually flirting. She decides it's better not to stress it and just go with the flow.

That's how she approaches the next couple of weeks with her pumping out content for her podcast, working her actual day job, and working on her social media game for the podcast. She also dms tons of people she sees as potential guests on the podcast.

Her conversations with Cale become more frequent as she eventually finds herself sending him snaps daily. He actually feels comfortable enough to comment on her posts on her personal IG page now and she honestly doesn't know how this is all even real.

Like before she's not stressing it and is going with the flow. However, on the day of Cale's 22nd birthday, she gets hit with a message that causes her to freak out a little.

From: Cale Makar

Hey, is it cool if I got your number? It's much easier if I can just text you. I like you and want to keep getting to know you more

She hyperventilates because she has never had another human being shoe this much interest in her, her whole life. She pinches herself to make sure it's real and it really is real. Cale Makar actually asked for her number. She doesn't know if she should be jumping for joy or preparing for something to go wrong. This is completely uncharted waters for her and she doesn't know if she should go with her heart or her mind. Her mind is telling her not to do it, but her heart is telling her to do it. After a minute, she decides to go with her heart.

To: Cale Makar

Yeah, that's totally cool! (xxx-xxx-xxxx)

She sees a text from an unknown number a minute later pop up on her phone

From: xxx-xxx-xxxx

Hey, it's Cale

She saves the number under the name "Cale 🥰" and types out a response

To: Cale 🥰

Hey, happy birthday btw! Hope you're having fun!

From: Cale 🥰

Thank you I'm in Calgary rn with my family

To: Cale 🥰

Glad you're having fun with them

From: Cale 🥰

Thank you it's good to be back home

To: Cale 🥰

I can imagine! I'll let you get back to your family

She focuses on getting ready for Halloween, which also happens to be her sister's birthday. Her sister is turning 21 this year and she wants to make the most of it, even in the midst of a pandemic. They plan on going to Salem, Massachusetts with family and throwing a little party at a cousin's house in Brookline, Massachusetts. She sees Cale post pictures and videos on his Snapchat story of him and his family celebrating his birthday. She sees all his teammates wishing him a happy birthday on Instagram and Twitter.

As she’s getting ready to go to bed that night, she gets a video call from Cale.

“Hello?” she asks, not knowing why he would be calling her.

“Ace!” he shouts, causing her to cringe slightly.

“How’s your birthday going?” she asks.

“Great! I’m with my brother and some buddies from back home! We got a bonfire going on right now!” he explains, showing off the fire and his brother and friends.

She wants the ground to swallow her whole because she looks absolutely disgusting with her hair tied up in a bun, and old URI sweatpants and an URI sweatshirt on. She has no makeup on and she’s pretty sure she has some acne on her face.

“Hey Ace! I’m Taylor, Cale’s brother!” Taylor shouts in excitement.

She can clearly tell that he’s buzzed, as well as Cale.

“Hey Taylor,” she smiles, waving at him politely.

His buddies also introduce themselves and she can tell that they’re also slightly buzzed. A part of her hopes that they aren’t driving and are gonna make it back home safely whether tonight or the following day.

“You should come!” one of his friends suggests.

“I’d love to but I live in America and the border is still closed,” she replies, feeling slightly awkward.

“It’s a shame! I know Cale really misses his girl right now!” another friend chimes in, causing her to almost choke on her wine.

“I’m not his-”

“He won’t stop talking about you! He’s got it bad for you!” another friend adds, causing her to blush even more.

If the ground would swallow her up right now, that would be amazing because she can't believe the shit that she’s hearing right now. She doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol that has his friends saying that but a part of her wishes it’s true. God, a part of her wants him to want her because she definitely likes him. She likes everything about him but she’s too much of a loser to put herself out there more. So she just lets him do all the talking and flirting because once again, she has no game.

“Shut up Taylor!” Cale cries out, shoving his brother lightly.

“Well you seem to be having a fun time with your friends,” she says, not wanting to bring up anything that was said about his feelings for her.

“It would be better if you were here,” he adds, his voice dropping slightly in volume.

“Yeah, well maybe we’ll meet one day,” she adds, not wanting to sound desperate to meet him or anything.

“When I get back to the States, I’ll make that a reality,” he replies, sounding sincere for being slightly intoxicated.

She’s reminded of the saying that drunken words are sober thoughts and gets a warm feeling in her stomach.

“Well I’ll let you keep having fun, birthday boy. I’ll talk to you later,” she smiles.

“Bye Ace,” he smiles back, before ending the call.

She immediately refills her glass of wine because she’s definitely too sober to be thinking about all the feelings Cale manages to give her every time they talk. She eventually falls asleep and if she dreamed about being in Calgary with Cale, she’ll blame it on the alcohol fucking with her dreams.

The next day is a busy one for Taty as she celebrates her sister’s 21st birthday in the best way she can while in the middle of a pandemic. They go to Salem, Massachusetts and have a blast doing many Halloween-related activities and then once it gets late, they head down to their cousin’s place in Brookline, Massachusetts to watch Halloween movies and to have a good time. Her sister decides to get drunk and Taty posts all their adventures on her Snapchat and her Instagram. She also sees that Cale has been posting his Halloween adventures on Snapchat, which aren’t as exciting this year because there’s no Avs Halloween party this year due to it still being the offseason and not everyone on the team is in Denver at the moment.

The next few weeks go by for Taty and it eventually gets to the point that she’s video chatting with Cale every day. They sometimes will stay up until late at night just talking and getting to know each other. Every day she’s becoming more comfortable and it’s on the first day of training camp, where she decides she’s finally gonna grow a pair and let him know how she feels.

He calls her after a long day at training camp and she actually has the time to talk to him as she isn’t working on anything for the podcast or her day job.

“How was camp?” she asks him, as she locks herself in her room.

The last thing she needs is for her nosy ass sisters to eavesdrop on her conversations with Cale.

“It was tiring but fun. It was great to be out there with the guys again, even though everything is so weird with the virus going on,” he explains.

“Oh I bet, I can’t imagine all the testing and the extra precautions you guys have to take. The whole season is gonna be super weird huh,” she replies.

“Yeah, weird is a bit of an understatement,” he chuckles lightly.

“I really like you,” she blurts out, then immediately wishes the ground would swallow her whole.

She buries her face in her hands and contemplates ending the call to save herself from further embarrassment.

“Oh thank god! I was starting to think you didn’t really feel the same,” he admits, biting his lip.

“No I definitely like you. It’s just I’m new to this. I’ve never dated before or anything. I’m kind of a giant loser if you haven’t already caught on,” she admits, almost rambling at the end.

“Yeah no, you’re not a loser! You’re the coolest, most fun girl I’ve ever talked to and I just want to keep getting to know you because I really like you,” he assures her.

"So are we putting a label on this? Are we dating?" she asks.

"I guess you can say we're long distance dating," he chuckles lightly.

"I did know our video chats were considered dates," she teases.

"I was seeing them as dates and I want our future ones to be considered dates," he confesses.

"Alright so set up our next date," you tease.

"I know you're recording for the podcast tomorrow so what about Wednesday?" he asks.

"I'm off work Wednesday so that would be perfect. What time works for you?" she asks him.

"8pm my time," he answers.

"Yeah that works for me," she smiles.

"So it's a date?" he asks.

"Yeah it's a date," she smiles, getting a warm feeling in her stomach.

She tells him about some funny stories involving her family and he tells her some funny stories from training camp. They chat for hours and before she knows it, it's past midnight and she has to go to work in the morning.

“I need to go to bed. I have work in the morning. Goodnight Cale,” she yawns, waving at him

“Goodnight love,” he waves back, ending the call.

If she cheeses a little at the fact he called her love, no one is around to see it.

December goes by pretty quickly and she feels bad that her calls with Cale become less frequent. December is the busiest month at work because everyone is doing Christmas shopping (being a store manager is hard work) and she finds herself working double the amount of hours she worked before the holiday season. Add doing the podcast three times a week and she’s absolutely gassed. Luckily, Cale doesn’t hold it against her because he starts getting more busy with preseason starting and his parents coming down for the holidays. Taylor is currently in the middle of his final season in the AJHL so he can’t make the trip down to Denver for the holidays. They text each other every day throughout the month however, and she manages to call him on Christmas and on New Year’s Eve, asking him if he’s excited for the new season to start on the 2nd.

2021 starts off worse than 2020 started because of the pandemic but Taty manages to make the best of it. She watches the Winter Classic while on video call with Cale. Luckily, the Avalanche start their season off at home again this year. The following day, she finds herself rushing home from work to be able to catch the Avs first game of the season against the Wild. She makes it home and takes a quick shower before changing into her Cale jersey and joggers. She quickly eats dinner before going into her room. She puts the game on and makes it just in time for the players to come out to the ice. She watches the game and manages to text Cale throughout the game knowing that he won’t see the string of texts until after the game. He finishes the game with one assist and 2 hits, as the Avs win 4-2 to start off the new season on a high note.

As she’s getting ready for bed, she gets a call from Cale.

“Hey, great game,” she smiles, trying not to show how tired she is.

“Oh shit, I just realized how late it is over there,” he sighs, not wanting to keep her up.

“It’s okay. I always stay up past my bedtime to talk to you,” she teases.

“How was work?” he asks.

“Annoying. We’re winding down from the holiday season but we still got a lot of people shopping and returning stuff,” she explains.

“I don’t know how you do it honestly, being so young and running a store, I mean,” he explains.

“Yeah well luckily I’m only an assistant manager,” she replies.

“Still pretty incredible what you do,” he assures her.

“Says the NHL superstar,” she scoffs.

“Hey, I’m not a superstar at all! I’m just another player like everybody else trying to be the best at my position,” he explains.

“Why do you have to be so humble all the time?” she teases.

“It’s just who I am,” he shrugs.

“And I love you for it but like just admit you’re a superstar,” she replies.

“Fine, I’m a superstar. Happy now?” he teases.

“The happiest. When are your parents going back to Calgary?” she asks, switching the subject.

“Tomorrow,” he answers.

“I’m glad you got to have them with you for the holidays, though,” she adds.

“Yeah, it was great seeing them again. I just wish Taylor could’ve been here,” he replies.

“Yeah well you’ll see him once his season ends and on the bright side, he’ll be at UMass next season,” she adds.

“Yeah I just miss him. I always go home for Christmas and this year I couldn’t,” he explains.

“Yeah I can’t imagine what that’s like but it will get better,” she assures him.

“Yeah I know it will,” he nods.

“I wish I could be there to make you feel better,” she sighs.

“Yeah, well we’ll see each other next month,” he smiles, a hopeful tone in his voice.

“February 5th can’t come fast enough. I’m gonna blow you away with the best interview you’ve ever done,” she teases, referring to her interviewing him for the podcast.

“I guess we’ll have to see about that,” he teases back.

“You wound me, Makar!” she fake gasps.

“I’ll make it up to you with a killer real first date,” he smiles.

“I’ll hold you to that. I expect to be really wooed,” she teases.

“It’s gonna be the best date you’ve ever been on,” he almost guarantees.

“It’s gonna be the first date I’ve ever been on,” she informs him.

“I know. That’s why it’s gonna be the best you’ve ever been on,” he jokes, causing her to roll her eyes.

“You’re so funny, Makar,” she deadpans.

“Stop acting like I don’t make you laugh all the time, Ventura,” he teases.

“What happened to humble Cale? I like him better than this smug one I got here,” she teases back.

“Stop acting like you don’t like it,” he replies.

“Yeah, I like every side to you,” she admits.

“Well that’s good because I like every side of you,” he smiles.

She feels her cheeks heat up and that warm fuzzy feeling return to her stomach. Is this what falling in love feels like? She’s never felt this way before and god, she hopes the feeling never fades because it’s amazing. No wonder people love falling in love so much, it’s magical and she hopes she doesn’t fuck it up. She just counts down the days until February 5th praying to god that nothing goes wrong once they finally meet.

#cale makar #colorado avalanche #hockey #nhl writing #nhl fanfiction #cale makar fanfic #hockey fanfiction #nhl #nhl players #nhl imagines #cale makar imagine

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1157

survey by hxcsingingsk8r

Phone Scavenger Hunt

First off, what phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8.

And what provider do you use? It’s a local one you wouldn’t know about, called Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? I can’t remember if it would be 3 or 4 years this 2021. Either way, it’s definitely been a while and I’ve been itching to upgrade. It’s too early to make such a big purchase, though.

Do you have any cases for it? Describe them. I have a clear case that I bought last year. Before that, I had a pink Otterbox case that I managed to destroy even though Otterbox is normally known for its durability. I just have a very unique ability to wreck everything I’ve ever owned lol.

How old were you when you got your first cellphone? I was technically 6, but it was meant to be a present for my 7th birthday. We threw a birthday party a month in advance because my dad had to fly back abroad for work before my actual birthday, but we wanted him to be present at the celebration so we decided throwing a party early was the best route.

What about your first smartphone? [If the answer is different] It was an iPhone 5S.

How old are you now? Dunno what this has to do with the theme of the survey but I am now 22.

Okay, move onto the scavenger hunt part

What is your lock screen picture of? It’s of Kim Seon Ho at a restaurant, lmao.

Home screen? It’s one of the shots from a recent promotional photoshoot Hayley did for Good Dye Young.

How many pictures are thre currently on your phone? This question just made me so anxious hahaha. I have way too many photos; and upon checking, it turns out I currently have 6,266. My god do I need to clean up my camera roll this weekend.

How many videos? I have 227. I have no idea it’s gotten to be this many; I barely use my phone to take videos. I’ll go ahead and delete some of them right now, just to give my phone (and its storage) space to breathe.

What is your most recent picture of? It’s a work thing...I guess I’ll explain it so it can make more sense. So one of our clients has got this Lent campaign going on, and to spread word about it we’ve tapped a handful of food bloggers to try out the offers themselves and post about their experience on social media. Now that we’re in the middle of Holy Week they’ve gone ahead and uploaded their own posts, and I’m in charge of taking screenshots so I can show to the client that the execution had been successful.

And the most recent video? It’s a private vlog. Every Sunday, or at least every other Sunday I take a few minutes to sit down and do a weekly video thing where I talk about my ~mental~ and ~emotional~ status, and it’s basically a way to be in touch with myself and keep track of my progress. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually get to uploading them one day.

Do you have any albums? If so, of what? Yeah. I have one for Cooper, one for Kimi, and a bunch of tiny albums I’ve made where I compiled 4–5 photos of friends to post on their birthdays.

What pictures have you favorited? I have a lot of favorited photos. There’s no required category for me to label them as such.

Do you have any shared albums with friends or family or work? No. I’m not sure if I can do that, or how to do it if it is allowed.

Do you have any alarms set? For what time and for what occasions? I have a bunch of alarms but only because they’re archived into the Clock app and I just haven’t gotten around to deleting them. When I was still new at my work, I used to have alarms set for certain work tasks I have to take note of every week – but now that I’ve gotten into the groove of things, I don’t need the alarms to be reminded about them anymore.

Check your weather app, what is the weather and temperature where you live? It says ‘Mostly Clear’ and shows a temperature of 26ºC.

Do you have the YouTube app? Do you have your own channel? I do have the app and my own account, but I never use it to post videos. It’s nice to have my own channel so that my homepage can be tailored to my interests.

Do you have an email app? Which one do you use? I just have the default Email app that comes with iOS, but I never use it because it’s so wonky. It doesn’t refresh new emails and it takes forever when it does, and it doesn’t always show the full thread of email conversations. If I absolutely need to check my email for something I usually have to pull out my laptop.

Does it say that there is an update available on your phone or any apps? Yes, it reminds me everyday hahaha. I don’t update unless Apple has been planning a big revamp with new features, though; and if the updates are just to address bugs, I disregard the reminders.

Go into your contacts, how many contacts do you have total? It says I have 178.

Name all of your contacts under the letter M: Feels a tad bit invasive, so I’ll just name five people I have under M: Lui, Kim, Patrice, Danika, and Andi.

Name all of your contacts under the letter U: I don’t have anyone under U.

Do you have any contacts that are businesses rather than people? Which ones? No, I don’t really use text to contact businesses. If I wanted to inquire or order from one, I usually head to their social media page.

Go into your notes, how many notes do you have saved? This is another one I have a hoarding problem with lol. My phone says I currently have 561 notes, though I’m fairly certain the biggest chunk of it comes from minutes I’ve taken down from work meetings. It was a whole lot less when I was still in school.

What kinds of things do you save in your notes? Like I said, I use Notes for taking down minutes from meetings. There are also a few surveys on there, from times I didn’t have internet and couldn’t post them on here.

Do you have any voice memos saved? What of? Yep. Some of them were recordings I had to do for journalism classes I was assigned to do voiceovers; some are interviews, also from my journ class; and the rest are of me rambling.

Do you ever use the calculator app? Pretty frequently for work.

Do you ever use the Maps app? Not really. If I needed directions, I would check out Waze for that.

Do you have any health/fitness apps? Which ones? I still have the Nike Training app from the very brief time I wanted to start working out earlier this year.

Do you have the Instacart app? The what now? I’ve never even heard of that.

What about a delivery service like Postmates, Uber Eats, Grubhub, Doordash? I have the McDelivery app for McDonald’s, but I also have other general delivery apps like Grab, Lalamove, and Transportify.

Do you have something like Venmo, Cashapp, or Paypal? I have the Paypal app but I never use it. I also have a couple of e-wallet apps just in case I’d have to use them as a payment method, since some businesses I purchase from prefer certain ones. Ultimately, though, I use Grab’s mobile wallet the most often.

Do you use Bitmoji? I think I did before? I never used it all that regularly though. Didn’t see the point.

What other keyboards do you use besides English? Any? Filipino, Korean, and Emoji.

Which social media network apps do you have? Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr, TikTok, and Snapchat. So I guess I have all the main ones?

If you have Instagram, what is your handle and how many followers? I have a very private one I only use for work. I didn’t want it to have any followers but at present there’s Angela (because she asked to follow it this week) and Bea (idk why).

What do you typically post on the various social media platforms? The only ones I regularly post on are Twitter and Facebook, and on either I share life updates (if there are any) and memes; though on Facebook I have to watch out what kind of memes I share and make sure they aren’t too offensive because I’m friends with relatives, workmates, and media on there lmao. But on Twitter, I basically have no filter.

Do you make TikTok videos? I don’t make any myself, but I do enjoy going through the app.

Do you only add people you know on Facebook? Yes, for the most part. I’ve taken to adding people as long as they’re from UP or my high school even though I’ve never met them as well, but if I sense that they only added me to try and sell me insurance OR try to get me into MLM, then it’s an instant unfriend for me.

Do you have an app that tracks Instagram followers? No, because I don’t need to track my Instagram followers. I’m off the radar as off the radar gets.

Do you have a Snapchat? Yeah, it’s still on my phone just because but I literally never touch it anymore.

Do you ever take selfies with filters? What app's filters do you use? Eh, just before. I don’t really take selfies anymore, period.

Do you use any apps like Depop or Poshmark or Etsy? No. Out of these three I’ve only ever heard of Etsy, too.

What messengers do you use to talk to people? Any besides just texting? I have Messenger to stay in touch with family and friends; Whatsapp and Viber for work; and Telegram just in case my friends want to play games.

Do you have any photo editing apps? Which ones? I have this app called Foodie that has some pretty filters. Otherwise, since I’m not on Instagram anyway I’m never on the lookout for photo editing apps; no one ever filters their photos on Facebook and Twitter lol.

Do you have any games? Which ones? I do have a ton of games on my phone. I never play any of them, but I keep them just in case I get bored enough to start revisiting them. I have word games, drinking games, games similar to Heads Up! where one person will have to guess the word on the screen while the phone is on their forehead, and gimmicky games like 1010! and Candy Crush haha.

Do you have any rideshare apps like Lyft or Uber? I have Grab, which is a rideshare, parcel delivery, food delivery, and online grocery app all in one.

Now go to the actual phone app, whose phone numbers are saved as favorites? I don’t tag any of my contacts as favorites.

Who was your most recent outgoing call to? I can’t recognize the number, so it was probably a Transportify driver that I called to give him directions to my house.

Who was your most recent incoming call from? I also can’t recognize the number, but this time he was most likely a Grab driver.

Who was your most recent missed call from? Again, can’t recognize the number HAHAA

Why did you miss that call? On purpose? Were you sleeping? Busy? My phone is on silent 24/7, so I must have missed it while I was working.

Who is your most recent voicemail from and what's it regarding? We don’t have voicemail in the Philippines.

What was the last thing you Googled or searched on your phone? Candle tunneling and how to fix it.

What music app do you use? Apple Music? Spotify? Something else? I use Spotify, but I also availed of a 3-month trial on Apple Music earlier this year just because. I think it’s supposed to end soon but I have no plans to shift.

What playlists have you made on there? I have playlists called, “robyn discovers kpop,” “winding down,” “angst,” “not my loss,” and my personal favorite, “paramore but fuck you.”

Lastly, what is the most recent song/album you've added to your collection? What Type of X - Jessi.

#survey #surveys

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newstfionline · 4 years

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Monday, January 11, 2021

The workers hit hardest during Covid-19’s first wave are getting pummeled again (Yahoo Finance) Since the beginning of the pandemic, one group of workers has been hurt far more than others: those working in the service industries, specifically in leisure and hospitality jobs. And in December after some progress, that industry lost jobs once again. “The most recent surge in coronavirus cases is once again battering the US labor market,” Indeed’s economic research director Nick Bunker wrote in a note. “The economic fallout from this wave of cases is hitting the industries and workers pummeled hardest by the initial damage before they fully bounced back from that first hit.” The latest hit isn’t as bad as the spring, as vaccines are rolling out and certain measures are in place, but restaurants, bars, and other jobs that depend on people interacting still cannot do business in a pandemic environment.

Squelched by Twitter, Trump seeks new online megaphone (AP) One Twitter wag joked about lights flickering on and off at the White House being Donald Trump signaling to his followers in Morse code after Twitter and Facebook squelched the president for inciting rebellion. Though deprived of his big online megaphones, Trump does have alternative options of much smaller reach. The far right-friendly Parler may be the leading candidate, though Google and Apple have both removed it from their app stores and Amazon decided to boot it off its web hosting service. Trump may launch his own platform. But that won’t happen overnight, and free speech experts anticipate growing pressure on all social media platforms to curb incendiary speech as Americans take stock of Wednesday’s violent takeover of the U.S. Capitol. Facebook and Instagram have suspended Trump at least until Inauguration Day. Twitch and Snapchat also have disabled Trump’s accounts, while Shopify took down online stores affiliated with the president and Reddit removed a Trump subgroup. Twitter also banned Trump loyalists including former national security advisor Michael Flynn in a sweeping purge of accounts promoting the QAnon conspiracy theory and the Capitol insurrection. Some had hundreds of thousands of followers.

Navy’s Priciest Carrier Ever Struggles to Get Jets On, Off Deck (Bloomberg) Aircraft takeoff and landing systems on the USS Gerald R. Ford remain unreliable and break down too often more than three years after the $13.2 billion carrier was delivered, according to the Pentagon’s top tester. The latest assessment of the costliest warship ever built “remains consistent” with previous years, director of testing Robert Behler said in his new summary of the program obtained by Bloomberg News before its release in an annual report. The Ford’s new systems—which propel planes off the deck and into the sky and then snag them on landing—are crucial to justifying the expense of what’s now a four-vessel, $57 billion program intended to replace the current Nimitz class of aircraft carriers. The continuing reliability woes with the carrier systems built by General Atomics of San Diego are separate from another continuing challenge: the installation and certification of elevators needed to lift munitions from below deck. As of November, six of 11 “advanced weapons elevators” that should have been installed when the ship was delivered in May 2017 are now operational.

In Central America, tensions rise as soldiers aim to stop migrants (Reuters) Guatemalan and Honduran soldiers will be deployed to prevent new U.S.-bound migrant caravans from advancing, military officials said, amid growing desperation among those seeking to cross and signs that some groups will depart later this month. Two devastating hurricanes late last year along with severe economic fallout from the coronavirus pandemic have pushed millions of people in the already-poor region closer to hunger, leading to a steady rise in U.S.-bound migration through Mexico. In online forums, many Honduras have indicated they plan to leave next weekend in a new caravan, which has caught the attention of U.S. officials who have called on the region’s governments to stop them. Many migrants in recent years have chosen to travel by caravan because being part of a large group offers protection from criminals who might prey on them, even though traveling alone is often faster.

Johnson under fire as UK again faces onslaught of COVID-19 (AP) The crisis facing Britain this winter is depressingly familiar: Stay-at-home orders and empty streets. Hospitals overflowing. A daily toll of many hundreds of coronavirus deaths. The U.K. is the epicenter of Europe’s COVID-19 outbreak once more, and Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s Conservative government is facing questions, and anger, as people demand to know how the country has ended up here—again. Many countries are enduring new waves of the virus, but Britain’s is among the worst, and it comes after a horrendous 2020. More than 3 million people in the U.K. have tested positive for the coronavirus and 81,000 have died—30,000 in just the last 30 days. The economy has shrunk by 8%, more than 800,000 jobs have been lost and hundreds of thousands more furloughed workers are in limbo. Even with the new lockdown, London Mayor Sadiq Khan said Friday that the situation in the capital was “critical,” with one in every 30 people infected. “The stark reality is that we will run out of beds for patients in the next couple of weeks unless the spread of the virus slows down drastically,” he said.

In the Cold and Rain, India’s Farmers Press Their Stand Against Modi (NYT) Under a rain-slick tarpaulin, half a dozen elderly women bake roti on a wood-fired griddle—flattening dough, flipping browned bread from dawn until the sun retreats into Delhi’s evening smoke. Anyone who walks in gets served rice and cooked vegetables and, to wash it down, a cumin-flavored yogurt drink. Across the road, Jagjeet Singh, a burly man with a large fanny pack and a light purple turban, churns a hefty pot of milk coffee from 5 a.m. to 5 p.m. The scenes stretching for miles around the Indian capital don’t come from a fair. They make up one of the largest sustained protests the country has seen in decades, persisting through steady rains and dozens of deaths that farmers and the Indian media have attributed to the weather, illness or suicide. For six weeks now, tens of thousands of farmers have choked the city’s four main entry points. They are challenging Prime Minister Narendra Modi, who has crushed all other opposition and stands as the country’s dominant political force, over his effort to reshape how farming in India has been done for decades. “They sold everything else. Only the farmers are left,” said 18-year old Ajay Veer Singh, who has been at the protest with his 67-year-old grandfather since it began in November. “Now they want to sell the farmers to their corporate friends too.”

China sees growing outbreak south of Beijing (AP) More than 360 people have tested positive in a growing coronavirus outbreak south of Beijing in neighboring Hebei province. The outbreak has raised particular concern because of Hebei’s proximity to the nation’s capital. Travel between the two has been restricted, with workers from Hebei having to show proof of employment in Beijing to enter the city. Almost all of the cases are in Shijuazhuang, the provincial capital, which is about 260 kilometers (160 miles) southwest of Beijing. A handful have also been found in Xingtai city, 110 kilometers (68 miles) farther south. Both cities have conducted mass testing of millions of residents, suspended public transportation and restricted residents to their communities or villages for one week.

Pompeo voids restrictions on diplomatic contacts with Taiwan (AP) Secretary of State Mike Pompeo announced Saturday that the State Department is voiding longstanding restrictions on how U.S. diplomats and others have contact with their counterparts in Taiwan, another move that is expected to upset China as the Trump administration winds to an end. The Trump administration has sought to strengthen bilateral relations with Taiwan. It announced Thursday that U.N Ambassador Kelly Craft would go to Taiwan, a move that sparked sharp criticism from Beijing and a warning that the U.S. would pay a heavy price. In August, Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar became the first Cabinet member to visit Taiwan since 2014. Pompeo said that the State Department has created complex restrictions when it comes to contacts between the two parties. He said those actions were taken to appease the Communist regime in Beijing. “No more,” Pompeo declared in a statement. “Today I am announcing that I am lifting all of these self-imposed restrictions.” The Chinese government maintains that mainland China and Taiwan are parts of “one China.” China has been stepping up its threats to bring the self-governing island under its control by military force with frequent war games and aerial patrols. It has been using its diplomatic clout to stop Taiwan from joining any organizations that require statehood for membership.

Japanese pray for end to pandemic in annual ice bath ritual at Tokyo shrine (Reuters) Men wearing traditional loin clothes and women dressed in white robes clapped and chanted before going into an ice water bath during a Shinto ritual at a Tokyo shrine on Sunday to purify the soul and pray for the end of the COVID-19 pandemic. Only a dozen people took part in the annual event at Teppou-zu Inari Shrine, scaled down this year due to the health crisis, compared to over a hundred in early 2020. After doing warming-up exercises and chanting under a clear sky with outside temperatures at 5.1 degree Celsius (41.18 Fahrenheit), the nine male and three female participants went into a bath filled with cold water and large ice blocks. Fewer participants at the Shinto ritual made the water extra cold, participant Naoaki Yamaguchi told Reuters. “Normally we have more participants and it makes the water temperature a little bit warmer. But this year, there were just twelve people, so it (the cold) was crazy,” the 47-year-old said.

Indonesian divers find parts of plane wreckage in Java Sea (AP) Indonesian divers on Sunday located parts of the wreckage of a Boeing 737-500 at a depth of 23 meters (75 feet) in the Java Sea, a day after the aircraft with 62 people onboard crashed shortly after takeoff from Jakarta. Earlier, rescuers pulled out body parts, pieces of clothing and scraps of metal from the surface. It’s still unclear what caused the crash. There was no sign of survivors. Fishermen in the area between Lancang and Laki islands, part of an archipelago around Thousand Islands north of Jakarta’s coast, reported hearing an explosion around 2:30 p.m. Saturday.

At a Yemen hospital wracked by U.S. funding cuts, children are dying of hunger (Washington Post) Her infant son, weakened by hunger, needed a better-equipped hospital in the capital, Sanaa, roughly 30 miles away. But Hanan Saleh could no longer afford even the $30 taxi fare. Before, she depended on a Western aid organization, Save the Children, for funds, drawn from money donated by the United States, to cover the travel costs, said employees of the organization and hospital officials. But last year, the United States slashed its funding to United Nations groups and others such as Save the Children. So Saleh had to raise money to treat her son, Mohammed, in Sanaa until those funds ran out, too. Her last option was a small hospital in this northern Yemen market town, a 15-minute walk from their home. The staff tried to build up his skeletal, malnourished 9-month-old body. “He died two months ago,” Saleh recalled in November, breaking down in tears. Aid cuts by the Trump administration and other Western countries, intended to prevent Yemen’s Houthi rebels from diverting or blocking funds, are worsening the country’s humanitarian crisis, already considered the most severe in the world. Last year’s pledges totaling $1.61 billion were less than half of 2019’s funding, and hundreds of millions of dollars committed by donors have not yet been paid, according to the U.N.’s humanitarian office for Yemen. At least 15 of the U.N.’s 41 major programs have been scaled back or closed, and additional programs could shutter in the months to come, if more funds are not received, U.N. officials say.

The Tiny Satellites That Will Connect Cows, Cars and Shipping Containers to the Internet (WSJ) Scientists who track the health of Adélie penguins on the ice-covered wastes of Antarctica are managing their cameras from thousands of miles away—via tiny satellites orbiting above our heads. Energy companies are exploring using the same technology for monitoring hard-to-reach wind farms; logistics companies for tracking shipping containers; and agribusiness companies for minding cattle. It even helped National Geographic track a discarded plastic bottle from Bangladesh to the Indian Ocean. In the near future, it isn’t unreasonable to imagine this evolving satellite technology could put a distress beacon in every automobile, allow remote monitoring of wildlife in any environment on earth, and track your Amazon shipment—not just when it’s on a truck, but backward, all the way to the factory that produced it. And it could be done at a fraction of the cost of earlier satellite tracking systems. These novel networks of nanosats—aka cubesats—are a result of a number of factors. First, the satellites themselves are smaller, cheaper and more capable than ever. Just as important, there’s the rollout and adoption of new long-distance, low-power wireless communication standards that can work just as well in outer space as they do on the ground. In the next year, hundreds of satellites from more than a dozen companies are set to launch.

#headlines #news

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littlemisslovelovelove3 · 4 years

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If this comes across your dashboard, just ignore it. I’m stressing out but it’s 4am and everyone I could normally talk to is sleeping, so I’m basically using this as a digital venting session/journal entry because it’s easier than digging out all my actual journaling stuff.

I don’t know what’s going on with me tonight but I’m feeling very off. I’m feeling an intense urge to cry like I haven’t felt in years despite nothing of importance happening. And not like “aww I’m a little sad” but like “I want to sob like the love of my life just died” cry. The ugly, splotchy face, runny nose, can’t catch your breath kind of crying session that dominated my childhood. (I had a very good childhood- I was just hella dramatic and still am. I was never a weeper, I was an all out crier)

My sleep schedule has been fucked up for like the 300th time this year where I am wide awake all night and sleeping all day, or at least some variation of that. I’m so tired all the time but there have been more nights this year than any other year in recent memory that I’ve struggled this much with sleep. I used to be out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow and now it’s not uncommon for me to be wide awake at 8am having not gone to sleep at all. And I’m sure not seeing a decent amount of sunshine isn’t helping, but once I finally manage to pass out, I’m out. It’s not always restful, but it’s better than no sleep at all.

I’m struggling to focus on anything for a decent length of time- I’ve bought an ~obscene~ number of books, started half a dozen of them and none of them are holding my interest. I used to be able to fly through 800 page books in under 2 days and now I can’t even read a 472 page book in 3 weeks. I’ve read some fan fiction to see if that will help my reading slump but it’s been touch and go on those too.

I’ve tried watching tv and with the exception of the few shows I watch at night with my mother, I’ve been unable to get through any new or currently started shows. I restarted Rizzoli & Isles and haven’t been able to make it through the first season of a whopping 10 episodes. I’m beyond behind on Doctor Who, I lost interest in my favorite show of all time Buffy the Vampire Slayer, stopped Angel and haven’t been able to get through episode 2 of The Queen’s Gambit. Even picking a tv show has been hard. I was never good at making simple decisions before but now I’m hopeless.

The only movies I’ve watched lately are with my mom or the kids movies I watch with my friend’s son that I nanny for part time. He’s a great kid and I live him like he was my own, but I can’t watch The Addams Family one more time. It’s great but damn kid pick one of the other 50,000 available options.

I scroll through social media a lot but even that bores me. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, tumblr, tiktok, Snapchat- none hold my attention for very long. Except maybe tiktok because I’m pretty sure it’s digital crack but sometimes even it bores me.

I’ve been awful about going to the gym. I used to go 4-6 times a week and lately it’s been once a week and only because I pay for a group session with a trainer. It’s literally me and 1-3 other women depending on the day. And I can feel myself losing endurance, muscle and strength.

We aren’t going home for Christmas and while I absolutely understand why, I’m incredibly devastated that I won’t see my sisters, their families and my extended family this year. Sure I saw my one sister and her family in June but there’s something about going home for Christmas that is always extra special to me. We’re (my parents, brother and I) are going to miss out on my nephew’s second Christmas and the first one he’ll be able to really enjoy. He was 4 weeks at his first Christmas so he basically slept the whole time. We already missed his first birthday and while we’ve FaceTimed a bunch, it’s not the same.

And I was really hoping to see my grandpa, but he’s 91 and I could never forgive myself if I exposed him to covid. But I’m also scared about the very real possibility of never getting to see him again. His wife, my grandmother died 2 years ago and if I had known that the last time I saw her was the last time, I would’ve hugged her a little tighter and told her how much I love her. I miss her every day. I catch myself still calling the house “their home” or “grandma and grandpa’s”. Calling it “grandpa’s” still feels foreign to me. The idea that I’ll be missing Christmas with my dad’s family for the first time in my life is not sitting well with me.

My head gets it- there’s a fucking pandemic raging and traveling is ill advised but my heart doesn’t care, as melodramatic as it sounds. It’s like my body wants to go home to my hometown and back to where I grew up like it’s somehow going to be a source of comfort. Even though it’s not the same as it was when I lived there. I moved away 5 years ago and it kept on growing and changing despite my naïve belief it would stay the same.

So basically I’m feeling incredibly nostalgic and stressed. My anxiety is raging and I’m pretty sure the antidepressant my psychiatrist prescribed me isn’t doing much. I’m not having dark thoughts like I was in the spring when I first started seeing him, but I still don’t feel like myself. I’m also unemployed which is definitely not helping matters. I have savings and live with family but that’s not a long term solution. But my family is all high risk for covid and there aren’t many jobs around me right now that a) pay enough and b) can limit exposure.

If it weren’t wildly inappropriate I’d drive myself to my friend’s house right now and go snuggle his dog and/or cat right now, because honestly I feel like that would help. But I’ll wait until the morning when he’s at work so I don’t scare the shit out of him. Full disclosure if you’ve actually been reading this and made it this far- I’ve been given a key and explicit permission to go to his house and squeeze his pets. Tomorrow I might actually take him up on the offer. I may even bring the dog back to my place, which again, I’ve been given permission to do.

Adult friendships are weird y’all. My friends and I all have keys or security codes to each other’s homes and using them happens on a more frequent basis than I would’ve anticipated. My house has become the Friday night landing zone for after work (for them) drinks, relaxation and occasionally dinner. Which is so foreign to me because for the last couple years all my friends lived in other cities and/or states, so actually being even somewhat social again has been jarring. Between not having friends nearby and the damn pandemic it’s been really really fucking weird.

I’m sure the pandemic is a major reason I’m feeling so out of sorts, but it’s not going away any time soon and I feel like I need to figure out some of my shit or at least find some healthy ways of coping to survive. Not anything crazy- I’m not suicidal- I’m just super dramatic and also realize that I don’t want my anxiety and depression to keep controlling me like it feels like it has been. I’m big on needing to feel like I’m in control even the littlest bit, so this whole situation is making me feel very unbalanced and I’m not a fan.

And now that I’ve at least written this out I’m actually feeling somewhat better. The stress is still here but it doesn’t feel as overwhelming as it did earlier. It helped I cried while writing about my grandmother. One day I hope I won’t get overly emotional when thinking about or talking about her, but I’m ok with that being not today.

It’s kinda cliché but the whole “it’s ok to not be ok” mantra is really accurate for me right now. I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world feeling overwhelmed right now with everything going on and I certainly won’t be the last.

#personal #depression #anxiety #stress #pandemic #journal #venting

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avoidingadvice · 4 years

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When I was 19, going on 20, I met a man. He was cute and tall and played guitar. He was very flirty and very fun.

At the time I was in a crappy relationship with a different man that was severely depressed and suicidal. He used this against me and threatened to kill himself over every little bump in our relationship. I left him and started dating this new man.

We spent as much time together as we could. We were inseparable. It wasn't long before I moved in with him. We lived together in his parents house while is parents were in a different province, working and getting divorced. The deal was he was supposed to reno the house and then his parents would pay for us to move across the country.

While I worked as a gas jockey he would sleep well into the afternoon, spend the rest of the day playing video games or watching Netflix and then late in the evenings he would do the renovations. He would get mad at me for getting upset at him because I was trying to sleep. I worked early in the mornings. I paid his parents' rent to live there, I paid for all our food, and I paid for his cigarettes.

Eventually things escalated and we had a huge fight where he asked me to move out. He went away that weekend to babysit his mum's roommate's kid and while he was gone decided he missed me too much and I never ended up leaving. He came back and things were fine.

Finally, the house had sold, we packed our things up and headed to the west coast, where we had both been dreaming of since before we met. While we were out there we had various adventures and lived in several different places within the same town. We met lots of people and got into some trouble here and there.

We both worked at competing grocery stores. We each made friends at work and shared them with each other. We hired a new girl in my department. She was my age and we got along well. We had a lot in common. We hung out outside of work. For her birthday I got her a watch. She loved it. We often had beach fires and her and her boyfriend hung out with me and mine.

My boyfriend and I had a very rocky relationship. I did all the cooking and cleaning. He would never help because he was always tired. If he wasn't working he was at home drinking whisky and playing video games. The meals I made were never good enough and the cleaning I did was never good enough. Everything was my fault. Nothing was good enough. He would never help. I was horribly depressed and stressed. It was frequently a bad time.

One day I found out he had romantic feelings for a girl at his work. I confronted him about it, but he denied it to me. He had always sworn to me he would NEVER cheat on me because he had been cheated on and he knows how it feels.

I invited her over one day for tea and we talked for hours. We ended up becoming very good friends and she said she liked me more than she liked him. I had invited her over to quiet my fears and reassure myself that she was a nice girl and nothing was going on. I was right. Everything was fine.

His Samsung tablet was dinging one night while he was out with friends. He was messaging this girl over Facebook Messenger and admitted to her that he liked her. She did NOT feel the same. I was mortified. When he came home I talked to him about it and he was mad at me for snooping through his tablet (the tablet that he told me I am allowed to use). He admitted that he did have feelings for her, but he would never act on them. But the thing is, he DID act on them by telling her. He continued to deny that he would ever cheat.

My friend from work had invited us to hang out, but she had messaged my boyfriend instead of me. I asked him why she would do that. He didn't know, he said. I shrugged it off, but I thought it was weird. She was MY friend.

This continued to happen. Then one night he was out partying and he didn't come home. He ignored my calls and texts until the morning. I was panicked and had no idea where he was. He was at my friend's house, he said. I asked why and he said they were at the same party that night and so he crashed at her house. She wasn't replying to my messages. I asked him why and he said she was still asleep. Then her phone was dead. Then he didn't come home for a week. He wouldn't speak to me. I was so scared.

I checked his messages on his tablet again. He had been chatting with her and they were sending heart emojis back and forth. She kept inviting him over and offered to pay for a cab. I tried to shrug this off and tell myself they had just become very close friends. Boy, was that stupid.

My grandmother had become ill. I flew back home to visit. While I was gone he dumped me over text. He accused me of showing his other friend's mom his snapchat story of him doing cocaine at a party. I didn't even have access to that as he had a second snapchat and that's where he posted all his partying things. It was my "friend" from work that had actually done this as we worked with his other friend's mom. He dumped me, over text, while I was across the country visiting my sick grandmother, for something the girl he was cheating on me with had done.

Before I found out that he was cheating she had consoled me regarding my issues with him and held me while I cried. She asked me what it would take for me to walk away. I realize now why she asked me that. I told her if he slept with someone else. She stared at her feet when I said this. She held me and reassured me, but she was fucking around behind my back.

When I got back from visiting my family I told him I was leaving. Obviously. He tried to convince me to stay, despite that he had dumped me. He tried to get me to move into the second bedroom of our apartment and we could live together as friends. Or we could try an open relationship. I said no to both of these requests. Then he got drunk.

He got so drunk I had to drag him to the bathroom so he could puke. I held his hair back. I took him to what was our bedroom and put him to bed. He asked me to hold him. I missed him, so I did.

Keep in mind, I still didn't know he was cheating yet.

The next morning he asked me to kiss him. And I missed him, so I did. Then he told me maybe things were different. Maybe things could change. We had sex. Then he denied he had ever said anything would change. I had been manipulated and taken advantage of when I was in an incredibly fragile state. I cried long and hard about this one.

The day of my 23rd birthday came. It was the day before I was leaving. I spent the day packing up the U-Haul trailer. I went to tell my landlords I was leaving, as they had asked me to come see them before I left. I told them it was my birthday and they sang happy birthday to me. I had to try very hard to hold back my tears. It was the most kindness I had been given in a long time.

Later that evening my now exboyfriend's friends texted me and asked if I wanted to go for a drive and smoke some weed. I said sure. They picked me up and told me everything. They felt bad that I was going through this. They gave me hugs and wished me all the best.

I texted my friend Justin to ask if I could come crash at his place that night so I didn't have to stay with my ex anymore. He said yes.

Then I let my ex have it. I went out onto the porch where he was smoking and I screamed at him. I screamed that I knew he was sleeping with my friend. I screamed that I hated him and that he is a piece of shit. I stormed off and didn't look back. The next morning I left the coast and drove home.

For the next month he would text me. He texted me a lot of hateful things. He blamed me, again, for everything. I always ignored him. The last text I got he told me that I said I would always be there and I lied because I'm not anymore. As if it was my fault he made the choices he did.

I didn't heard from him again. Until a couple years later when he started following me on Instagram. I promptly blocked him. That was the last of it.

#words #abusive ex #cheating

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

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1:Describe your favorite blanket? It’s a rose gold soft and fluffy throw blanket. 2:How many pillows do you sleep with? 2. I have like 6 on my bed, though. 3:What is a good memory you have with your parents? I have countless good memories. 4:How did you meet your first crush? My first crush was this kid, Philip, when I was in 3rd grade. He was like a grade or two above me. I was into an older guy. haha. 5:What are 3 things you like about your current crush/significant other? I don’t have one.

6:What do you have hanging on your walls? A few canvases (2 beachy ones and 1 giraffe one), a framed painting of a giraffe in a sweater lol, a small watercolor painting of a giraffe I got at a craft fair, 2 calendars with Alexander Skarsgard on them (I kept the one from last year for the photos), a big Swedish flag, an I Love Lucy clock, a bulletin board, and a marker board. 7:What book are you currently reading? I just started one called “The Girl in Cabin 13″ by A.J. Rivers. 8:What was the last movie you watched and what are your thoughts on it? The Invisible Man. It was really good. And creepy. 9:What's the best band that you discovered recently? I’ve discovered a few new artists recently, but not a new band. 10:How many types of social media do you use and what are they? Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. 11:What was/were you username(s) on instant messengers when you were younger? I had a lot of different ones. During my emo phase everything had X’s in it haha. I remember I had loserxfaceex, cutexdollfacee, and stupidmfx. lmao. Those were just a few of many. Others were lyrics and such. 12:What is your first memory of getting in trouble? When I lied about taking my medication for months. My mom found my stash hidden behind my bed one day and I was grounded for a month from the computer. My parents were so disappointed, which is the worst. They had to watch me take my medicine for awhile until they could trust me again. 13:What is an anecdote that your family frequently tells about you as a child? Just certain things I said or did as a kid. One that just came to mind is the one about my grandpa walking all over the house carrying a wailing baby me trying to calm me down while singing the words, “lookin for your mama.” lol. My favorite is the one about how for a good 10 minutes or so my mom and I went back and forth between me touching something I wasn’t supposed to and her tapping my hand to get me to stop. We did that for awhile. I’d cry after she did that for a bit and then go and touch it again and repeat. I was stubborn then and stubborn now haha. There’s so many more, but those two came to mind first. 14:If you could do anything with your hair what would you do? I love dyeing it red, so I’m gonna keep doing that. I love how long it is, too. I just don’t know how I want to style it. I should layer it. I kinda want bangs again, too. I don’t know. I also suck at styling it, I just throw it in a pony tail, braid, or bun and call it a day. 15:If you were to get a tattoo today what would you get? I’ve wanted to get “free bird” on my inner wrist for several years, but I’m a big baby. 16:What do you do when you can't fall asleep? So every night I watch YouTube, listen to ASMR, do some surveys, scroll through Tumblr, and check Pinterest until I go to sleep. 17:Do you prefer to primarily use external help (porn, etc.) or your imagination when you masturbate? 18:Can you remember how many people you've kissed? Yeah, it’s only been 3 people. 19:What is the story of your first kiss? It happened at our high school behind the drama department. We were there for the haunted house put on by the drama department, but we ended up skipping that and just hanging out. His friend was there, too. We ended up going off by ourselves as if to talk about something privately, but he leaned in and kissed me. 20:How open are you with your parents? I share a lot with my mom. 21:What was your first drink? Tequila shot. 22:If you smoke, what is your brand? I don’t. 23:What are your favorite genres for books? Movies? TV shows? Music? I love non-fiction, YA/NA, murder mystery, and psychological thriller books. Horror, psychological thriller, romantic comedy, comedy, drama, and some action and sci-fi movies. I like a lot of drama TV shows, reality TV, crime, thriller, and a few older sitcoms like The Golden Girls, Roseanne, and I Love Lucy. 24:What teachers have made the biggest impact on you? My 4th and 8th grade teacher, Mr. McG. He was my favorite teacher ever. He was the best. He was a teacher that just really loved what he did and cared about his students. He wanted them to do well and helped them do so. He made learning fun. Lol I actually cried on the last day of school in 4th grade. I was so excited when he ended up teaching 8th grade later on and I was able to have him again. My younger brother and a couple of my cousins had him, too, so I still saw him because of that and other times since. My mom worked at Borders and he used to go there all the time. He knew my mom and aunt, too. I also have him on Facebook. 25:Do you like writing letters? In middle school and some of high school my cousin and I used to write notes to each other all the time. I haven’t written a letter since then. 26:What is your favorite episode of your favorite show? I have several favorite TV shows. 27:What position(s) do you sleep in? I sleep slightly on my side with my head propped up a bit. I can’t sleep flat. 28:What is the first thing you remember lying about in your life? I don’t know. 29:What are the three most important traits you look for in a friend? Someone I just vibe and connect with. Have things in common with. Someone I can talk to. 30:Describe the relationship you have with your sibling(s)? My younger brother and I are close. My older brother and I don’t have a bad relationship, but we’re not close. It’s different. 31:How did you learn about sex? I remember we had sex ed starting in 6th grade. My mom also talked to me about it. I think I may have heard some things about it sooner than that, though, like on TV or movies. I remember once when I was a kid I turned the TV on and it was on HBO and there was a porno on lmao. HBO played movies, but at certain times it used to play stuff like that. 32:Describe your favorite outfit? All my many leggings and oversized graphic tees. And my Adidas stuff. 33:What do you like to do when you're sad to make you feel better? So what I do everyday: Tumblr, surveys, YouTube, and watch TV. With the addition of listening to music, coloring, and reading sometimes. Oh, and sleep. Some days I don’t feel like doing anything. 34:What kind of music do you like to listen to when having sex? 35:What kind of french fries are your favorite? I used to love french fries and I’d eat them all the time, but I don’t know I’m not as into them anymore. I don’t eat them much now. My appetite and what I eat has changed a lot these past few years. 36:What is your ideal breakfast? Scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach with country gravy and hash browns. A delicious muffin would be nice, too. And of course coffee is a must. 37:What is your comfort show/book/movie? I turn to YouTube more for that. Particularly ASMR. 38:What are some things you love about your best friends? My mom is very supportive, loving, caring, awesome, and funny. We like a lot of the same music, TV shows, and movies. I enjoy our talks about anything and everything. I like our grocery shopping trips and going to the movies. I love to just spend time together. 39:Do you shave any parts of your body, and if so what parts? Under my arms. Rarely my legs cause hair doesn’t really grow there. 40:What teacher/professor was your favorite and why? I talked about this already.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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romancingromanoff · 5 years

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Imagine Being In The MCU And Going On Ellen Part 1/3 (Scarlett Johansson x reader)

Part 2

You’re a guest on the Ellen show and also currently dating Scarlett Johansson. I just really love Ellen and pretending that I’m a part of the Avengers cast family like it’s a huge fantasy of mine that will never come true (rip my hopes and dreams) so I decided to make it three parts haha. BONUS POINTS IF YOU KNOW WHERE CARLA SHAW IS FROM. Reader is of an unspecified gender, I use they/them pronouns. Also, part 3 of What Happens At Disney is coming soon :)

Jumping up and down in front of the mirror in your dressing room you kept trying various dance moves to see how they looked. It was Ellen so of course you had to dance out onto the stage when she introduced you! Though you had technically met with her before at Chris Hemsworth’s birthday party, it was really just a quick “hello,” “how are you,” and a funny comment from her that made you laugh. So nerves were naturally part of the reason why you were so angst at the moment and felt like you had to get rid of a bunch of pent up energy.

Your door opened which almost made you choke on the sip of water you had in your mouth. “Y/N, you’re one in five!” the crew member tapped her watch and you could only respond with a noise that sounded a little bit like “mmhmm” with your mouth still full of your drink. Taking one last glance in the mirror, you flashed some finger guns at your reflection, immediately regretted that cringed decision, then stepped foot out into the hallway where another crew person was waiting to escort you to your place.

From stage right behind the curtain you could hear the audience’s hysteria gradually calming down after they had all won $1000 Target gift cards and Ellen sat down to introduce you. “Our next guest has taken the world by storm since we fell in love with them as Obie’s hilarious best friend, Mason, in the Netflix Original Series ‘Time To Dive.’ After a suspenseful appearance in the modern remake of ‘High Noon’ with John Hamm they joined the Avengers as a recruit with some pretty neat morphing abilities in Marvel’s newest film which is coming out next Friday. Please welcome Y/F/N Y/L/N!”

You were so overwhelmed by everyone in the crowd jumping up and down that a huge smile covered your face as you tried waving to them all while also keeping a beat in your step, which was hard to do when you couldn’t hear the music very well. Approaching the couches that you had watched all of your favorite celebrities sit in was just surreal and Ellen opening her arms up to hug you was the cherry on top. “Hi, how are you?” she said underneath the wave of all the cheering so that only you would hear.

“I’m good, thank you so much! Thank you so much for having me,” you repeated what you last said as you sat down and the clapping had died down.

“So, this is your first time on the show,” Ellen smiled.

“Yes, yes it is. And I’m so happy to be here!”

“Well, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by. I know the press tours Marvel has you doing keep your schedule super busy.” The audience let out a series of “whoos” at the sound of Marvel being mentioned.

“It’s certainly crazy and I never could have dreamed about being a part of something like this but really it’s the fans that keep it going. We owe so much to them.”

“You must have your fair share of crazy run-ins since you, you know, signed a contract with them and everything. How has going out in public changed for you?”

“It’s funny, actually,” you laugh a little bit remembering an incident that occurred about a month ago. “I mean since ‘Time to Dive’ I’ve always had fans come up to me asking for pictures and autographs; stuff like that just at restaurants and a few public places. But since I was announced as a part of the Avengers cast and started filming the run-ins have gotten a lot more frequent and I’ve found that the Marvel fans are very... um... adamant,” you laugh. “They definitely know their stuff which never fails to blow my mind.”

“I guess ‘adamant’ is one way of putting it,” Ellen jokes and you chuckle along with the crowd. “But you actually had someone like demand to take a picture with you after you had just gotten out of surgery? Is that right?”

“Oh my gosh,” your pitch got so much higher when you turned around and saw the picture from that day on the giant screen behind you. “Yeah, so it was just wisdom tooth surgery, nothing super serious but I was pretty drugged up on painkillers and loopy to say the least. Wow, okay, yeah you can see how swollen my cheeks are, aw man, and that gauze in my mouth I just look completely dead!” you remarked on the image of you with your messy bun, glasses, and sweats on as you were being pushed out of the hospital in a wheelchair.

“But you were 100% fresh out of the operating room where you were under anesthesia and a complete hot mess?” Ellen laughed as you squirmed in your seat from a mixture of embarrassment and just laughing at how hilarious you looked and how strange the situation was then.

“I don’t know if ‘hot mess’ is how I would put it, but it was definitely strange.”

“And they drug you up pretty well for this surgery, right? Like there are a lot of people who film themselves or get a relative to film them post-surgery because they’re prone to say really crazy things.”

“Honestly, I think that a part of me just thought it was standard procedure,” you admit which makes the audience crack up. “I don’t remember it too well but the fan who’s crouching next to me in the picture basically stopped me and asked for a picture and I was probably just like ‘sure, why not?’ you know? Like everything was normal.”

“Speaking of pictures, there’s a photo of you and one of your co-stars going around that’s been building up a ton of talk over the last six months,” the audience cheers as the screenshot of your instagram post comes up. It’s probably your most favorite photograph in the whole world and you can’t help but smile upon seeing it. You are your girlfriend Scarlett weren’t too public with sharing all of the details about your relationship and you both valued privacy pretty highly. As a celebrity on instagram you were pretty inactive compared to a lot of others your age since you never went live, rarely posted on your story except to promote big press events, and would go weeks or even months before you’d upload something new to your feed. Even though the photo was from six months ago, it was actually the 4th most recent on your profile. Scarlett, of course, didn’t have any social media at all and you respected her wishes to try and keep a low profile online by never posting any photos of her and you, but this picture was the one exception that she had allowed.

“That is just adorable,” Ellen smiled and the audience followed with a giant “awwwwww” which made you blush. “So this was taken on snapchat?”

“Yeah, that’s the dog filter,” you point to Scarlett’s face which has the staple dog ears and nose on her in the center. But she’s also laughing so the big pink dog tongue is sticking out with her face all crunched up as you’re giving her a big kiss on the cheek. “We’ve been dating for a little over a year,” a lot more “awes” and hoots instantly follow which makes you laugh. “But that was the first time we both felt okay with posting a photo of us just being together. It was a surprise for a lot of people; including myself too.”

Ellen gets a mischievous look on her face and leans in really close to you. “You know, it’s funny that you mention surprises because I-”

“Oh no,” you gasp suddenly clutching the arms of the chair really tight and spinning your head around to check behind you. Absolutely EVERYONE in the cast had warned you about the pranks Ellen loved to play on her show that almost made some of them pee their pants in fear. A couple of years ago when you were just another regular Marvel fan that followed all of their talkshow appearances you had watched the videos of the Chrises or Scarlett being surprised by someone in a crazy costume on repeat. It was hilarious of course, but now being in a position where it might happen to you was terrifying. You were embarrassingly easy to scare and in that moment you took back all of the times you had laughed at others being surprised on the show.

“You can relax, nothing’s back there,” Ellen reassures you while chuckles and excited squeals fill the studio. “Or maybe there is.”

Your eyes widen again and your heart drops as you turn back around.

“But, no, no there isn’t,” Ellen corrects herself. “Or is there? I don’t know.” You anxiety keeps dropping then shooting back up as she plays with you and by now your neck is hurting from straining it back so much. “I’m just kidding, I do know. And there isn’t anything,” she finally settles the tension before looking straight into one of the cameras. “But we do have a good surprise and it is not scary, I swear, coming up after the break.” You’re clutching your speeding heart in both your hands as the Ellen theme music plays cueing the commercials. The clapping dies down quickly as a bunch of set workers being moving cameras and lighting and you follow the blonde you’ve admired for so long as she stands up and goes in for another hug.

“Hey, Y/N, you need some water?” she picks up a bottle from behind her chair and you nod. “HERE you go!” she pretends she’s about to splash it all on your shirt and you jump back making a panicked sound before you realize that she’s kept the top of it on and there’s nothing on you.

“Scarlett said to watch out for you!” you laugh and are happy to hear that your mic is off.

“Really? She did?” Ellen smiles like the two of you have known each other for years and it makes you a hundred times more comfortable. Most interviewers were so stiff and acted like robots off camera but you were finding Ellen to be extremely friendly and caring. “Me and Portia love you guys by the way.”

“Wow,” you can’t believe what you’ve just heard. “Thank you. I mean, thanks that is just crazy to hear. We love you two as well and I’ve always been a fan of your show; it’s what got me through school, haha. And, yes, Scarlett almost made me too scared to come on but I really wanted to meet you.”

“Well I’m glad that you came too. Hey, I heard that you and Scarlett were thinking about adopting a new pet?”

“Yes!” you nod your head excitedly. “We really want a dog. I grew up with two but I’m just worried about having to leave the little guy or girl at home for long periods of time or having to make them travel a lot with us.”

“Yeah I totally understand. But like for me, going home to my cats every evening and just laying on the couch with them and Portia is what keeps me sane.”

“Absolutely, same for me.”

“Woah, okay, can you just come stand over here for one second?” she pulls you to the side as a set worker instantly lifts your chair up and takes it away only to be replaced by two other crew members that have a full sized couch. That was strange. Usually you’d be told if there were going to be guests or fans that you’d have to interact with on shows but you just shrugged it off and assumed that a fan from the audience would be coming up to meet you and it was just a surprise. “Thanks.”

“And we’re back on in ten!” one of the producers yelled and you and Ellen took your seats. “Five, four, three....”

The audience was cheering once again as the music played. “Alright, we’re back with Y/F/N Y/L/N,” Ellen said looking into the camera. “And before we left we told you that there was a surprise for you.”

“Yes, and I’ve noticed that you’ve expanded the seating area so- oh wait,” you interrupted yourself to turn around to check and make sure nothing was behind you again which made the audience laugh.

“No, there’s nothing there. We actually have someone in the audience today who is a huge fan of yours that would just love to meet you.”

“Cool beans!” the audience starts shrieking and jumping up and down not knowing who it’s going to be.

“So the fan is actually completely blind but is a part time worker at Barnes & Noble and also operates rollercoasters at six flags during the summer.”

“Oh.... oh my God, I mean, that’s amazing I’d love to meet them,” you were suddenly very nervous about meeting this person.

“In a letter they wrote to us, they said ‘even though I cannot see my only dream in life is to see Y/N in person.’ From Duluth, Minnesota, please welcome Carla Shaw!”

Scanning the audience you finally catch sight of a very timid woman with frizzy red hair and dark sunglasses get up towards the top and smack dab in the middle of the aisle. Not so sure of what to do, you almost get up from your seat when you don’t see any crew members going over to help her as she shuffled her way past other audience members who are simply clapping and leaning away from her as she feels the tops of the chairs to walk towards the stairs. “I should probably help her,” you get up and jog off the stage to go assist this poor woman who’s waving her cane around feeling for where the steps are. You are shocked and almost appalled that no one else getting up to help her and you jog up the steps carefully and go to lock your elbow into hers so you can guide her down.

“Allow me,” you offer before she completely spazzes our in front of you tripping down two steps and throwing her cane in the air. “SHIT!” you scream and forget that this is daytime television. You immediately fall to your knees and go to try and help them up when you notice that they’re just sitting there laughing. That laugh. You know that laugh.

“Oh my God-“ you breath as they reach for their hair and pull off what is actually a wig and then take off the giant black glasses. “I cannot believe you!” you yell at Scarlett who’s laughing hysterically at your dumb face.

“Hey baby,” she says cheekily and you roll your eyes as the two of you get up together. The crowd is going completely bezerk and girls all around you and covering their faces with their hands, mascara dripping with tears of joy and disbelief. She pulls you in for a hug and the screams get louder which you didn’t even think was possible.

“Scarlett Johansson everybody!” Ellen is clapping from the stage as your girlfriend waves to some fans and the camera. You playfully bump your shoulder into her and she pushes you back like you’re two bumper cars as you walk down towards the stage. Once you’re up there, the two of you turn around to wave at the audience some more and you’re certain that your eardrums are permanently damaged.

“I’ll sit on this si- AHHHHHHH!”

“AHHHHH SHIT”

You both scream with horror in your eyes as you see the cushions from the couch launch into the air as a beastly looking guy dressed like a yeti explodes two feet in front of you. His growling almost gives you a heart attack and you and Scarlett instinctively clutch into each other with both of you trying to hide behind the other.

Your grip on your girlfriend is so tight and you don’t let go until the yeti guy has completely disappeared running offstage. Ellen is in a complete fit of laughter that has rendered her unable to stand. She’s laughing, struggling to take breaths when she needs to from her chair while high pitched screams continue to get louder and louder.

“WHY!?!” Scarlett looks at the blonde woman in horror and your fingers are up by your neck feeling for a pulse.

“Is that all the surprises? Please tell me there are no more surprises,” you cry for mercy.

The next part will be an interview with you and Scarlett where you discuss the upcoming movie, choose your favorite Chrises, and talk a little bit about your relationship

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