#and now they know they have the capacity to do something like that and be used like that and they're scared

[chicklit-or-chocolate]

Mia madre adorava Vincent van Gogh e, anche se mi piaceva molto, non capivo fino a che punto fosse meraviglioso il talento di una creatura tanto sfortunata. Con il tempo ho imparato ad amarlo, ma è stato riscoprire la bellezza del giallo, da un lato, e dall'altro il vedere un film che mi ha fatto capire. Il film non è affatto incentrato su van Gogh, ma sulla schizofrenia. Si chiama The Promise, è del 1986 e l'ho visto per caso, perché sono in fissa con un attore e quando mi capita guardo tutto quello in cui ha recitato. In quel film, un film televisivo realizzato da Hallmark e che vinse per altro numerosi e meritatissimi premi per le produzioni TV, è stato inserita nel copione una frase vera, che lo sceneggiatore, Richard Friedenberg, trasse da un dialogo reale con un ragazzo ricoverato in una casa di cura a Santa Monica, California. Forse, oggi quel ragazzo è morto, ma anche se fosse vivo la sua memoria vivrà per sempre in quel piccolo film e in tutti coloro che lo amano, tra cui certamente i suoi interpreti, poiché la fonte di questa informazione è uno dei protagonisti, il compianto James Garner, mentre l'altro protagonista, James Woods, ricorda The Promise come il film e il ruolo che ha più amato e di cui è più fiero (considerando che si tratta di un attore ormai nell'Olimpo del cinema grazie a C'era una volta in America di Leone ed a Videodrome di Cronenberg). La citazione quasi letterale dalla voce del giovane di Santa Monica è questa: [being schizophrenic]"It's like, all the electric wires in the house are plugged into my brain. And every one has a different noise, so I can't think. Some of the wires have voices in them and they tell me things like what to do and that people are watching me. I know there really aren't any voices, but I feel that there are, and that I should listen to them or something will happen. … I can remember what I was like before. I was a class officer, I had friends. I was going to be an aeronautical engineer. Do you remember, Bobby? I've never had a job. I've never owned a car. I've never lived alone. I've never made love to a woman. And I never will. That's what it's like. You should know. That's why I'm a Hindu. Because maybe it's true: Maybe people are born again. And if there is a God, maybe he'll give me another chance. I believe that, because this can't be all I get".

Vincent Van Gogh ebbe molto, molto di più del ragazzo a Santa Monica e di DJ, il dolce e sciagurato protagonista di The Promise. Ma forse la malattia non gli permise di godere come meritava di quel che gli era capitato in sorte e che, del resto, fu più successo postumo che gloria durante la sua breve vita. Però c'è una gioia del mondo, di vivere, delle cose non avute ma ammirate, che è purissima, e goccia da ogni pennellata anche quando si tratta di dipingere soggetti altrui (questo è da Millet, che Van Gogh ammirava moltissimo). Poche volte in così grande sventura si è manifestata così splendidamente la possibilità che esista in fondo qualche genere di dio.

Now I understand What you tried to say to me And how you suffered for your sanity And how you tried to set them free They would not listen, they did not know how Perhaps they'll listen now

Questa è per mia madre, con cui non ci siamo mai capite. Eppure l'ho amata tanto disperatamente: non mi sembrava mai di essere all'altezza. Non stava tanto bene di testa, povera mamma mia. Spero che sia andata a star meglio e che mi veda da su, come mi sforzo di star bene... E come direbbe DJ, è stata una brava mamma, e mi auguro che si sia rincarnata in una splendida creatura felice e fortunata come avrebbe meritato. Le sarebbe piaciuto tanto The Promise, lei mi faceva spesso vedere film sulle persone malate o sulle diversità, voleva che io crescessi capace di amare e rispettare tutti. Con lei vidi Figli di un dio minore, Anna dei miracoli e Priscilla, la regina del deserto. Vedi come il cinema lega le persone? Da non crederci, eh.

First Steps (1890) by Vincent van Gogh

[sophie-frm-mars]

i'm sorry if this isn't something you want to hear about anymore but having unfollowed you back when the initial callout and everything was posted, it took going through something similar a few months ago (less severe, but similar in circumstance) for me to realize just how little grace people give trans women. when they decide you're evil, you're evil, and nobody even gives you the chance to talk about it and figure out what you even actually did. i get that now. don't reply if it makes you uncomfortable, i just wanted to share that. solidarity between socially ostracized trans women i guess

Hi. Yeah I already know this, but as I'm guessing this is fairly new for you and probably feels like the biggest thing in the world, I want to let you know it isn't as big a deal as it feels like.

You just have to take personal responsibility for anything that you really need to actually confront and work on it, and for the most part work on building a life worth living. Please be brutally honest with yourself and with the people who choose to stick by you and understand it's the only way to get better. DBT worked for me. Someone gave me the advice to change up my schedule as much as possible just to shake up all my associations and get used to the idea of building a new life, and I think that's very helpful advice. They took it as intensely as changing what time of day they showered.

People haven't decided you're evil, they've decided you're socially inconvenient and not worth the effort to overcome their discomfort. Some of them on a long enough timescale will decide that they want to be friends again, if you seem stable and like you're getting on with things and not just stewing and feeling sorry for yourself. Many will not.

It's horrible and desperately, crushingly sad and lonely, and it's one of the worst things that we can do to people socially and I feel wretched that I ever participated in any capacity in doing it to anyone else, even my abuser, and it's utterly horrifying that this social dynamic exists that means it will happen so often to very unwell trans women specifically, who are already so vulnerable, but until people generally free themselves of a punitive mindset and understand where conflict and harm comes from, it will keep happening.

[atiianeishaunted]

before we get into the actual post, I need to have a lot of preamble and stuff, pretext or whatever just so people dont assume the worst! also probably will add to this and clean it up later on when im not exhausted lmfao

Trigger warnings: grooming, familial abuse, and things adjacent to that, those are the two major ones though, and obviously this is not a shiro safe zone. you are not being held at gunpoint to read this post, read it at your own discretion. nothing is explicit or like graphically described because why the hell would i do that

This is from the perspective of someone who has been groomed and abused by a family member. This is NOT a proshipping thing nor is this a place for proshippers to jump in and romanticize what i am about to discuss. Also I am autistic and have been nitpicking this show to pieces for 6-7 years now, this is just something I've personally noticed.

I am not saying ANY of this was intentional by dreamworks, im not delusional, but whether they intended it or not the pieces ARE there, the subtext IS there! "They didnt mean it like that" or "They just didnt show it" is not going to change my stance, see the previous sentence.

all i ask of you is that you hear me out please, let me cook. also this will be a mess, just bear with me okay!! this post isnt like an absolute guide to my take as i do not have the capacity to do that but moreso like "rewatch the show with this in mind youll see what i mean"

I have no clue how to start this but with the fact upon recent rewatches, I have grown a distaste for Shiro due to how he's genuinely just a bad person. His whole character is just like sucking the government's dick yk and being one of the good gays, i wont get into that here, theres a whole other rant i posted like months ago about him that covers that area of him being a bad person and my pure hatred for the "space dad" title the fandom had given him.

With that being said, i don't think about him often clearly as he irritates me but like he's always lurking in the back of my mind, you know those itches on the palm of you hand you gnaw on because itching wont work but biting doesn't do shit either, yeah like that. I've kind of always held the belief he's a groomer, not in /that/ way, more like grooming Keith into being a perfect soldier and tool for him to use and project onto however upon recent reflection and rewatching the show, i have come to the conclusion that the subtext of the show (INTENTIONAL OR NOT) (HEAVY EMPHASIS ON THAT!) has him fitting both definitions of grooming.

His and Keith's dynamic will always be inherently unhealthy, Shiro is not a good guardian to Keith at all and makes it clear that Keith isn't someone he genuinely cares about, even in their softer moments, Shiro is just manipulating him / using manipulation tactics. He preyed on an isolated, grieving kid who clearly needed support and used that mental state to his advantage, arguably worsening Keith's state and driving the poor kid insane. Not to mention the fact we discover later on that Shiro was hiding his relationship with Keith.

When Adam is arguing for Shiro to stay on Earth, he doesn't mention Keith at all, only himself and Shiro's health. You'd think Adam, Shiro's boyfriend, would know about a kid Shiro had taken in and would bring up the fact that Shiro has a kid relying on him but he doesn't. Because he didnt know. The Holts dont know about Keith either despite Shiro being very involved in their lives. (side note,, matt and keith.. u shouldve been besties u feral men.. . we lost so hard..) Not even that, literally NO ONE acknowledges that they have a connection besides Keith. Keith is the only one to label him as family, as his brother, but Shiro explicitly avoids labeling things or reaffirming the label, which seems harmless vaguely i suppose until we get into the next point. Like what do you mean you dont tell anyone you're attached to this kid. Why are you so scared of clarifying or saying something. Why would you be so afraid to admit you took in a kid? hm???

(also before i get to the next point id like to add just now the fact shiro frequently brought keith out into the middle of nowhere which is. insane. now that i think about it. wdym you only interact with him when you're very separated and alone from everyone else. what the FREAK. most of their interactions/genuine acknowledgement of their relationship is when they are isolated. frowns. this is so sinister im ill.)

Shiro's romantic relationships, which we only see two of them, shows he has a specific preference for those who blindly do what he wants without questioning him or fight back. He broke up with Adam (willingly abandoned him) and never acknowledges him again beyond a quick scene of him looking at Adam being confirmed dead on a screen, the scene of Adam's argument, hes openly pushing against Shiro and mentions he cannot wait for Shiro again, he cannot keep doing this. And Shiro never mentions him, not once, throughout the show unless its a scene with Adam. Curtis is his second partner and husband who we actually meet before the finale where it shows them getting married, and you wanna know all we see of Curtis? him blindly following orders by Shiro. And I think one clip of him working out in Kinkade's vlog(?).

Keith is super devoted to Shiro, its constantly brought up even in the handbook (which isnt. very reliable but still) where he talks about Shiro as if Shiro is the only thing in existence and basically his god which lines up with the show. Keith borderline worships the ground Shiro walks on and Shiro eats that shit up, thats his /type/. He picked Keith very intentionally. We discover that Keith's worst fear is Shiro (its implied at least) in season 2 episode 8, Keith passes out and hallucinates Shiro. Its important to note this is a hallucination first of all due to the fact this is how he views Shiro. His brain pulled from his interactions/memories of Shiro.

Shiro's behavior isnt met with Keith's usual lashing out or anger we see him use when the others are mean to him. he looks Resigned, exhausted, hurt and scared. He isnt confused, he isnt surprised Shiro is acting like this, hes simply resigned. Implying this is something hes actually experienced outside hallucination land.

This happens again when Clone Shiro and him fight, Keith doesn't lash out, he avoids hurting Shiro, none of the words coming out Shiro's mouth are met with the intended reaction. Keith constantly jumps to a fawn response around Shiro, constantly spouting "I love you" whenever Shiro's upset which is not normal behavior for Keith. At all. Everyone else is met with anger and him snapping but when it comes to Shiro, hes suddenly very anxious and tries to appeal to him as if thats what he was taught to do / thats what Shiro wants from him.

Keith's attachment and behavior towards Shiro is not normal at all. If Shiro was a responsible non ill-intentioned adult he would've nipped things in the bud, established a healthy bond with Keith and made sure to redirect him but he does not. He allows Keith to spiral over him and consistently encourages it.

Keith was like 13 max. When they first interact (timeline wise), Keith wasn't scared of Shiro, literally stole his car, snapped at him, etc. What did Shiro do to him? What the hell happened!!!

That is all I got for now, will probably clean this up later and add to it but like 4 people wanted me to post this and i dont wanna keep people waiting so . gestures vaguely. theres the gist of things. rewatch the show as i said at the start, youll understand what im saying better.

[magiclwritings]

"You act like I have any choice." He didn't feel that way and perhaps it was his tone that made even him react badly to it. He winced, his hand coming up to cover his face for a moment. "Sorry." He mumbled and faced Apollo, he took a step towards him hating that he felt hesitation. Whatever had happened earlier wasn't going on and he just had to let it go. Maybe they'd talk about that later and maybe they wouldn't. Whatever was decided, Cass had to put his own shit away for the time being. "I didn't mean that. It's been ..." He breathed out and dropped his hand, more certain now. "I'm with you always, Apollo, you know this."

He could see the look in his best friend's eyes. He knew today had royally fucked him up. And, well, they just had to get through this. This wasn't the worst of anything they'd been through before just ... different. They were older, the stakes were higher and Theo ... Cass took a step towards Apollo and placed his hand on the other's arm. He felt ... himself. Which he couldn't explain but it pulled a sigh of relief from him that he couldn't hide. And the look in Apollo's eyes didn't go unnoticed. "I just want to find out what is really going on. If she ... " He could feel that well of emotions filling up again. Cass knew it was true and it made him feel something he hadn't thought he'd feel for this person in particular.

Cass had relinquished himself to the notion that he'd be helping raise Apollo's children in some capacity no matter what. They were souls bound in ways he could never explain and didn't care to. And for a while he'd known those children would also be Alexandria's. And, as any petty person would do, he properly hated her for it. Not because of anything she did but because of all of their circumstances. And ... now ... His fingers dug in to Apollo's arm and he felt himself starting to lose it. There was a breaking point and he was reaching it. Had this been earlier, had this happened before Oliver and Isaac. Before all that time had passed then this wouldn't have been a problem.

A shuddered sigh escaped his lips and he looked the man in the eyes for what felt like the first time in ages. "I'm with you always." Slowly a smile tugged a the corner of his mouth and it felt more okay than anything had that whole day. "Let's go take care of this son of a bitch."

Apollo turned at the sound of Cassio’s voice; he eyed his best friend for a moment, trying to decipher the look on his face. He still didn’t know why there was thick tension between them or why he felt like Cassio had his guard up. He didn’t know what happened, but there was one thing Apollo was sure of. Cassio was the one who had knocked him out. Everything pointed to that. Apollo had woken face down on the floor; he imagined he had been blasted backward, considering the broken table pieces surrounding his body when he was in the basement. He knew that Oliver would never be able to take him down physically; Isaac wouldn’t be able to bring himself to do it. That left Cassio. His closet and oldest friend. He was the only one with enough training to catch Apollo off guard.

But with that, Apollo knew, deep down, that Cassio would only physically attack him if he had exhausted all other options. He hated not knowing what had happened or what he had done, but there were bigger things than the past. His primary focus was on Theo’s future. 

He moved past Cassio and threw the clothes in his hands on the dresser. “We both know what my next move is,” He said, reaching up and grabbing the back of his shirt, pulling it off his body in one fluid motion. “I’m going to track down that fucking monster and make sure he can never lay a hand on that boy again.” He turned to look at Cassio after pulling on his shirt. “We both know men like him don’t stop. He’s probably working on tracking Theo down as we speak. I can’t..” He swallowed hard, turning away from Cassio and focusing on dressing himself. He popped open the button of his jeans and slid them down his legs, exchanging them for more flexible, black-fitted pants. “I can’t,” He tried again, shaking his head as if that would do away with the overwhelming bubble of emotion he felt. “I can’t let Alexandria’s sacrifice be in vain, Cassio.”

Apollo bent down, tugging a small chest from beneath the bed. After waving his hand over it, the chest popped open. He pulled a dagger from it, sheathing it in the strap at his thigh. “I don’t expect you to come with me,” He said as he stood back up, turning to face Cassio, studying his face for details about what was wrong between them. “Especially not at a time when you can barely look at me. I take full responsibility for what I’m about to do.” They had done things like this before, back during their uni days—always the two of them, always together. He was the only person Apollo trusted to have his back. It would kill him to do this alone, but he would for his son. 

“But I’m asking that you don’t stand there and lecture me or try and stall me. You saw what Theo went through. It’s written all over your boyfriend’s body. We're all in danger if I don’t act now, and he tracks us down, including Oliver. All it takes is that fuck demanding a DNA test, and Theo goes back to him. And,” Apollo cleared his throat, feeling the thick swell of grief overtake him. He sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling his boots over to him, slipping them on, and lacing them up tightly. “And Alexandria…wherever her body is deserves to be properly buried. Theo might one day need a place to be with her. She doesn’t deserve to be in an unmarked grave. So,” He stood up, crossing his arms over his chest. “What’s it going to be, Cassio?”

[mcytegg]

as a zamcvit enjoyer im winning now i think. the roles have reversed. 4c is the one yearning for zam now ^-^

[numberonetribble]

Stuck at my mom's house until the 27th, can't finish the comic I was working on until then :( here's a rough Cowboy!pinup sketch of Bumblebee and some Breakbee + Piston angst:

[moonchild-in-blue]

I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙

(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)

[intertexts]

i sgould get really into quiltin.g.

[jackass-jones]

Really into the episode of Ouran where this girl confesses her love to Mori but he doesn’t feel the same because he’s into Honey and the girl’s reaction is just like YIPPEE I LOVE YAOI THATS SO COOL FOR YOU YAY 🥰

[sylustra]

Sylus saying "...don't run" to MC when they're finally being openly honest about their desire for one another and their trust and shared spaces.

[mainfaggot]

how do you cut someone off

[jelliebeanbitch]

I CAN DO THIS!!!! I CAN LEARN TO BE A THEATER DESIGNER!!!! YES I AM JUST STARTING OUT AND DOING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!! THATS CUZ IT IS A TRADE AND YOU LEARN A TRADE BY PRACTICING!!!!! SO I AM GOING TO PRACTICE DAMMIT!!!!

[yanoharuhito]

grey really fucked me up beyond belief i am SO insecure about relationships at this point

[thespacebetweenworlds]

A protest against Wattpad's new Content Guidelines

Recently, Wattpad has changed the Content Guidelines on sexual content, declaring that the age of consent is now 18. "Any sexual content between characters must abide by this age of consent and not be in violation of Canadian Law."

This is embarrassing for Wattpad. This is disrespectful to Wattpad users. This is a capitalist company conforming to conservative politics.

Wattpad is and has always been home to teenage writers. When I first learned of Wattpad at age 13, this orange app was everything to me. Wattpad is home to teenage writers and readers all around the world, with its many languages Wattpad is unique, and that is something to be proud of. Wattpad has given a creative voice to a generation and inspired young people to write and with multi media challenge our perceptions of the written word and literature. That is not nothing.

But the thing is, teenagers write stories about teenagers. Teenagers write sexual content that includes teenagers. Teenagers have sex in real life with other teenagers. To declare any of that illegal only has negative consequences.

Wattpad declares they want to create a safe space. They want to protect the community. If they really wanted to do that, then they wouldn't have these restrictions on WRITTEN, FICTIONAL sexual content.

Things that would make this a safer space and create and protect our community of global writers: - quality sex education - quality sex education in all languages used on Wattpad

NOW we are in a situation where WRITTEN FICTIONAL depiction of sex between fictional characters under 18 is not allowed. "Illegal sex acts" aren't allowed either. Should we thank Wattpad for clarifying that they mean "according to Canadian law"? Or should we wait with the thanking until they change it to local laws, or LGBT+ stories will be illegal as well?

[lith-myathar]

.

[moafleco]

i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.