#and now that we have sauce again it just aint the same

[cerealandchoccymilk]

the amazing thing about learning a banger pasta recipe is that your pasta will be so banger. but the sad thing is that you can never use marinara sauce again

[lupeloto]

"say it again" ficlet

i got an anon message about how ian is a "say it again" after mickey says i love you type of person and i agree! unfortunately, for some reason whenever i respond to a message a draft it, it goes away so shoutout to that person and if youre reading this, let me know! anyways here's ian try and failing miserably at making pizza and mickey giving him shit for it

..........................................................................................

A tattered red dish towel, littered with cigarette burns and mystery stains, rests on Ian’s shoulder as he focuses intently on intricately laying the pepperonis across the dough. The kitchen is in shambles, shredded mozzarella and yeast painting the counter tops. A warmth accompanies the scene, reminding him of the early mornings and later nights spent with his siblings and one too many pools of pancake batter littering the counter. He follows suit with splattered pizza sauce splattered across his shirt and face, blending with the pattern of freckles decorating his pale skin.

“Jesus Christ, Ian,” Mickey enters with a box of Old Styles and a pack of Marlboro Reds. Ian meets Mickey’s gaze like a deer in headlights. “What’re you doin?” Mickey takes in the state of the kitchen.

“Well,” Ian whips the towel off his shoulder, “I figured we could try somethin’ new. We always have fucking pizza rolls so I thought i’d try to actually make the real thing.” 

“Aint that what take-outs for?” Mickey picks up items on the counter to inspect, “The fuck is yeast?” He examines the yellow packet with uncertainty. 

Ian leans against the counter with a sigh, “It’s not really working out.”

Mickey catches sight of the defeat in those soft green eyes and immediately starts damage control. “Nah, man. It looks good, I’m starvin’” he smells the air and attempts not to gag. How the hell did he screw up pizza so bad? 

“Fuck off," he stifles a laugh.

Mickey cuts him off, “Ay,” he grabs the tattered towel, “Ya missed a spot.” He manages to find the one spot not covered in red sauce and mozzarella cheese, rubbing lightly across Ian’s now flushed-pink cheeks to scrub off the remainder of tonight’s dinner. Ian’s face scrunches slightly at the contact. 

“Cmon, let’s get this shit cooked I’m fuckin starvin,” Mickey turns towards the counter.

Ian lingers for a moment, staring at Mickey with full knowledge that his concoction smells like shit and almost certainly tastes like it too. He leans close to Mickey’s ear, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Mickey grins, "Now come on." He takes Ian’s face in one hand, the other on his waist, as their lips lock and everything else disappears for just a moment.

Ian’s arm is resting on the counter, his triceps sharp and prominent and staring directly at Mickey, tempting him. He looks down, yanking Mickey closer by the waist, his hands enveloping it entirely, “Say it again.” He wears a smug grin.

“Don't push it, Gallagher.”

"Cmon, just need to make sure I heard you right," he tilts his head amorously.

"Oh, s'that right?" Mickey leans in, a small chuckles escaping his lips, "I fucking love you." Ian beams as Mickey dips his hand in a puddle of the sauce that resides on the counter, smearing it across Ian's face with a grin.

As the shock subsides, Ian hesitates for a moment before grabbing Mickey’s face and smashing their lips together. Mickey surrenders to the kiss, the sauce now coating his mouth and dripping down his chin. 

They both pull back, licking their lips with a sour expression.

“You make this?” 

“Yeah,” Ian says with the same bitter expression, hesitating momentarily, “Pizza rolls?”

“Fuck yeah.”

The two spend the remainder of the night sprawled across the couch, Ian’s legs resting in Mickey’s lap as they drift to sleep, two platters of pizza rolls and a full six-pack into the night. Mickey suggests that they give pizza sauce a go, giving a rest to the chocolate sauce and whipped cream that typically coats their bodies... and occasionally their sheets. He questions a few times how Ian could possibly mess up pizza so badly. Ian responds with a middle finger and a "fuck off" every time. The two eventually drift to sleep, Mickey now laying beside Ian, practically drooling on his bare chest, hands intertwined as the glare from the TV illuminates their faces in the nightfall.

[thotsforvillainrights]

Thanksgiving with the Shie Hassaikai headcanons? Can we also pretend Pops is awake for this too? 🥺

(No worries! We always pretend Pops is awake because I live in a constant state of denial where I pretend Kai isn’t an asshole that put him in a coma. Anyway lol, let’s just pretend you work for the Hassaikai for this one! Ps: I was hoping someone would request this)

~Thanksgiving with the Hassaikai~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

-Although you’ve only been employed to the Hassaikai for 10 months so far, everyone already knew your personality well enough to see this coming. That’s why when you called an emergency meeting, nobody was surprised at your request for celebrating Thanksgiving together. However, that didn’t make it easy for getting everyone to agree. Rappa, Tabe, Deidoro, Pops, and Toya were excited for it! Hojo, Tengai, Nemoto, and Chrono were indifferent and didn’t mind trying it. The only complaints were from Kai (as usual when you suggested something fun) and Mimic (who didn’t see the point in it). Thankfully Pops was delighted by you from the very moment you showed up at the base. So of course he was on your side. Since he was still the big boss, there was nothing anyone could do to deny you. 

-”Okay everyone is required to bring something so we can have a feast. Work in teams to get this stuff done, and I’ll do the assigning! So Pops, you don’t have to worry about a single thing okay? Don’t worry about getting anything together but if you absolutely want to then I don’t mind.” You smiled at him and he cheerfully nodded. “Okay here’s the line up: Rappa and Katsukame are in charge of the Turkey. I’m putting a lot of faith in you guys. The turkey is the star of the show and I need it done perfectly! Or at least...as good as you can manage. Tengai and Mimic can handle the devilled eggs. Deidoro and Hojo are in charge of getting the drinks. Please do not show up with only alcohol. In fact, I’m mainly counting on you Hojo to make sure Sakaki doesn’t do this. Now Tabe and Setsuno are in charge of getting the plates, cups, cutlery, and the deserts. Toya I’d focus on doing the deserts so Tabe won’t get tempted to eat them. Finally Overhaul and Chrono can get the side dishes. This includes Macaroni, Greens, Cranberry Sauce, any and all side meats like chicken or whatever. Ceaser salad, Potato salad, etc. You guys get the drift. The reason why I put so much on you is because I’m confident you guys can handle the load. Finally I’ll be working with Shin to get the Ham. That’s all! Any questions?” Immediately you got hands in the air.

Pops: “May I help make some of the main dishes?” He asked with slight puppydog eyes. Rather childlike for his old age, but you couldn’t deny him even if you wanted to. “Pops we just want you to relax as the head of the table, but if you really want to then you may attempt it.” 

Deidoro: “How much and what kind of alcohol am I in charge of?” His eyes were super focused causing you to laugh a bit. “Okay well let’s not go overboard first of all. It’s not like a Halloween party or anything wild like that. We’re getting together over dinner and expressing thanks for the things we received so graciously.” You explained. He paused and deadpanned. “So...just wine then?” ...”Yeah, just wine. And not the strong kind either. Maybe you can get a little Sake for yourself.”

Rappa: “Yes uh, how in the fuck am I supposed to cook this shit?” Katsukame punched his shoulder. “You big idiot, we bake it!” Rappa punched him back as a reply. “Fucking DUH, but like what kind of seasonings???” Katsukame punched him again. “Probably something not too heavy so we focus more of the fucking flavor of the dressing in side of it.” Rappa once again punched back as a rebuttal. “Fuck off, cilantro is all you had to say you bastard.” You immediately had to speak up between them before their playful banter would turn into an entire indoor death match. “Okay guys, don’t focus too hard on it. This is kinda western so just look up some recipes and videos please? And most importantly, always have a back-up turkey on hand just in case you guys mess up the first one.”

Kai: “Yeah I have a question. Where the hell do you get off on telling me what to do? I’m you’re boss and you’re just barely high enough up to even be considered a precept.” Pops immediately got up and slapped the back of Kai’s head. “Bite your tongue Chisaki and apologize!” Kai grumbled and bowed for a second while uttering a short apology. Chrono chuckled off to the side as he tried to hold back his laughter. 

Mimic: “Who’s wallet is this coming out of???” You smiled at him and he gulped. “Well not from our pay. We’ll call it a holiday event and pull from the reserves. The yakuza has been thriving lately under Pops of course. Unless anyone wants to donate?” You looked at Kai with fluttering lashes and he glared at you. “Fuck fine. I’ll cover the expenses on my end.” You smiled and nodded. 

-If only from that point on things could’ve went well but there were just too many obstacles of course. Not on you and Nemoto’s end of course! You two were efficient and quick. You got in and out of the grocery store in under 2 hours with the perfect ham. You agreed to go to his apartment to cook it together since the house kitchen at the base would go to Pops, Chrono, and Kai more than likely. And the lower part of the base kitchen would belong to Rappa and Rikiya. The TRUE issues arose on the ends of everyone else. Pops was an angel and the food he attempted to make was reasonable, but the old man overdid it and ended up making 4 of the same cakes. What were you going to do with exactly 4 red velvet cakes??? Anyway, as to be expected, Rappa and Rikiya fucked up BOTH of the turkeys. You had to make them search all around town to find a pre-done turkey on the morning of Thanksgiving itself. They eventually found one from a generous donor in exchange for that person having their debt to the yakuza swept under the rug. Chisaki and Chrono did a pretty good job but they took so long that half of the stuff was still being set up when it was time to start dinner. Tabe actually did an okay job at setting the table up. The real surprise was that SETSUNO was the one that was tempted and ended up munching corners off of the deserts. Of course Sakaki showed up with a wide variety of alcohol that Hojo didn’t even notice he had snuck into the other shopping cart. Meanwhile Tengai and mimic had decorated the devilled eggs rather poorly. Tengai believed the minimal was better and Mimic was trying to cut corners with price/quality. Nevertheless everything was set up and you all began to review the things you were thankful for.

“Well I just wanna start off by saying that I’m thankful for this job and the bonds I’ve made with you all not just as coworkers but as people. I truly consider the Hassaikai to be like family.”

Pops: “I want to thank everyone as well for working so hard for our little family here. I also want to thank you Y/N for bringing some youthful joy into my life once again.”

Kai: “I suppose I’m thankful for my good health and sanity dealing with all of you on a daily basis.”

Chrono: “Yo, I’m thankful for my last paycheck but also for the years I’ve served here. It kinda has been almost like a fam to me yknow. Not trying to get sappy or anything but thanks you guys.

Mimic: “This is weird but I guess I’ll try it. I’m thankful for uh...the opportunities set forward in front of me.”

Nemoto: ”I’m very much thankful for our leader, and also for master Overhaul. I appreciate you for allowing me to strive in my work the way that I do. I can only hope to continue pleasing you both as my time goes on at this organization. That is all.”

-Deidoro: “Thanks to this damn Saki I’ve already had 2 and a half cups of while everyone wasn’t listening. Also thankful for my liver as well.”

-Hojo: “Well I guess I can say I’m thankful for everyone here and for the boss when he took me in off the street and healed me after I almost died.”

Setsuno: “Yeah thanks for giving me purpose again boss. I’m thankful for that too.”

Tabe: “Food...friends...found family...”

Katsukame: “Fucking thanks for letting us have enough chance after we fucked up two of those damn turkeys. I thought you were gonna kill us Y/N.” 

Tengai: “I’m rather thankful for my sanity as well, after dealing with this job so much...”

Rappa: “This shit is cheesy but damn it I’m thankful for everything here too! I aint much at speeches so I’m gonna stuff my face now.” 

-So there you go. It may not have been the most conventional thanksgiving but it was something along the lines of a ‘perfect disaster’ all in it’s own. You can only sit back and look at everyone eating and talking before you realize that a Christmas party might not be so bad to start planning for either.

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

Instagram: @pastelbattydraws & @pastelbattystore

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNMJH7vHL7APNobUykhK4w?view_as=subscriber

[katsukikitten]

Grocery shopping with ya Man's

Still on hiatus but headcannons are fun and good for character building. So here loves!!

BAKUGOU DADDY

💥He cooks from scratch a lot so yall need to get spices and other things almost every time

💥HOT SAUCE IS ALWAYS IN THE CART, doesnt matter if he still has 3/4ths of a bottle at home already, it's not the same as this new one.

💥Anything premade gets put right the fuck back. So say good bye to your "Shitty frozen pizza" because "I can make it tens times better and fucking more for cheaper" ass

💥Actually does make the pizza and hot pockets home made and freezes them for you

💥Makes you home made ramen too so "Put that back." "I DONT GIVE A FUCK THAT ITS 35 CENTS IT AINT MINE!" "The sodium is too high Princess stop pouting."

💥The ONLY sweet he puts in the cart is his dark chocolate chili bar that you turned him on to after you put it in his stocking one xmas. He will also put in your fav chocolate while you're down the sweet aisle as well

💥Asks for the "Really good fucking detergent that smells like you." As if you havent once washed his clothes in the same detergent during the last year of living together.

💥"Yes we do need all five 24 packs of water. We drink a lot."

💥Stands behind you to make sure you dont fall and pushes the cart while you stand on the bottom rack. Grumbles about it but never makes you get down. You're too cute.

💥"I think he'll like these treats best. It doesnt have half of the bullshit in them" He picks out expensive treats for your cat that he claims he hates.

💥"We dont need the damn kitkat just cause it's by the checkout" "I dont give a shit that its macha or white chocolate or fucking mint. You have three of your bars in the cart now!"

💥 Takes all the groceries inside in one trip because "More than one trip is for weak bitches."

💥 Helps you put everything away before shooing you out of the kitchen so he can cook.

KIRISHIMA EJIRO

🚨Black coffee in the cart. No sugar no cream.

🚨Meat. All kinds. Goes in the cart! Doesnt matter if "We dont need it right now." Because "We can freeze it baby. Come on it's a good sale." Or your other favorite line "Then we can just throw a good party baby."

🚨Protein powder and milk in the cart always. He drinks it before his long shifts.

🚨Eggs because "Baby you make the best omelettes. Let's add bacon AND ham to the next one!"

🚨Sour gummies for when the two of you cuddle up to watch your favorite show

🚨 "I grabbed those vacuum seal bags. I saw you were running out. they keep the meat fresh."

🚨"Yes the office party is next week. You're coming right? I'll make sausage balls."

🚨 He keeps tabs of when you need personal items. He adds in his shampoo body wash and your shower stuff whenever y'all get low

🚨 He grabs a box of tampons, knowing exactly which kind you prefer.

🚨 Extra paper towels this time because he added in ribs

🚨 "No we don't need to make dinner this weekend. Bakugou's wife invited us over remember?" You frantically look through your texts for the time before texting if you need to bring anything.

🚨"She's gonna say no but she LOVES your chocolate cake." "Yes I'll get the cocoa powder just in case."

🚨 Insists on taking everything in so you can put it away as he piles it in the kitchen

🚨 You have to set aside some of the meats for the whole extra freezer you two have. Kirishima will happily take it even if it's in an odd spot.

FAT GUM CAUSE HE'S DADDY

🐖 Bb yall need THREE whole carts.

🐖 Motherfucka gotta eat and baby girl you know how to cook!

🐖 "I know you're worried baby so I'll eat an extra helping for you."

🐖 Ingredients for Takoyaki are ALWAYS in your cart

🐖 "I still think you should open a stand instead of working at your boring job baby." "YES! Your takoyaki IS that good."

🐖 Lots of snacks go in the cart. Like lots. Chips, cookies, jerky.

🐖 Lots of bacon cause it's high in fat and super yummy.

🐖 Adds your diet friendly food without you asking even though "Baby you look fine. Why are you doing this diet again?"

🐖 "One of your favorite cookies isnt gonna break your diet." "No it won't because I wont let it."

🐖 "Can you start dinner when we get home, sweet petunia? I'm starving."

🐖 When you get home he opens the door and kisses your hair line before shooing you inside. Taking majority of the groceries while you carry the light stuff

TODOROKI SHOTO

❄Stuff to make cold soba is IN THAT CART EVERYTIME. He can eat it any time and "You make it best baby."

❄Does not let you stray from the list because you want to stay on a strict budget.

❄ But always slips in some sort of treat for you.

❄ Iced coffee is what you two live by. Heavy cream heavy sugar. So half and half and a giant bag of sugar is a MUST

❄ Then Todoroki remembers you want to cut out some sweets from yalls diets and replaces the bag of sugar with a natural no calorie sweetener "Yea I think it will taste just as good baby. You make the best iced coffee." Kisses your forehead and urges you to continue.

❄ You both indulge on this frozen pie that was brought to an office party once. He grabs three. "I know you'd rather have this as your sugar than all of it in your iced coffee. Plus we dont eat this everyday."

❄"I'll grab it cutie, dont worry that it was forgoten, it it's okay. Just check out and I'll meet you outside."

[neuropathicgypsy]

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A post shared by Alex Laughlin (@alexlaughlin40) on Feb 3, 2019 at 5:13pm PST

I was complaining about his pictures.. I didn't like them... Not that he's not beautiful.. I just didnt like h pictures...

People say alot about "me not being there"

But his pictures... He's not there..

I've told him before...

This I watched a thousand times when he first posted it... I didn't know why or why i heard him say id taught him that on date night on accident or that it had hit me in the head..

It felt like only two of us had been there... But with the sound it made it feel like a bunch... Which made me think may Be it was a busy night or maybe we went with a group

By the time he had posted it, i had known he was in my life... But only for a short time...

So I didn't know what he meant. I thought I should message and ask him...

But I didn't. I wanted to tell myself to try.

But i didn't. I just wanted to keep watching.

At first, my reaction was the same as tonight, what a dork. Like REALLY. What a complete dork. No one think he's any thing but annoying and total dork 2 year old too hyper annoying child.

Then i watch it again. And again. And again.

And i see him. When he walks off camera. That's where he is.

It would have made sense to write him since he only appeared off camera.

But i had only seen him once.

What if he was damaged like me? I already knew i was too damaged for myself...

And so I would mess him up.... Because I always do.. I can't hold a relationship. Like never.

I get too impatient. Too angry. Too Me.

I decided to just be glad i saw him. Maybe it didn't make any difference to him and probably I'd forget in all reality. So then in the end it wouldn't make a difference if I saw him...

Now would it?

And so if I wrote him and I was too damaged then i would ruin it all. I always did. Always too much pressure on someone. Me or them.

I wasn't ready.

And I tell you. It's true. The one day I decided to try. He blocked me.

He really did. I just use another account cause fuck that shit, you're not gonna stand in my way Alex Laughlin with that giant phone in your pocket. Unblock me when you're ready. I'll just stalk you not so silently on social media.

Now we'll see about that date night we had...

Michael Jackson asked us to check on the people we sent home. He said he wanted to join the CIA and they checked and watched but he wanted to see if it were all true. Since we knew who we sent home, we should go. So we all four went.

Saint Luches and Jesse Tony went dressed like homeless beggars to see if they'd catch up with a kidnapper or protector.

And we went on a date night to a local putt-putt mini golf.

Alex was freaking out because it was an hour and a half and we hadn't seen them walk by yet. So he had us in the corner nearest where they were supposed to walk up at. He sat on a bench "not even a page" he checked his beeper.

We both knew they were in danger and they were gonna get jacked up. We knew. The plan was they were to get kidnapped. Find the kidnappers hide outs and make sure our girl's were at home, had beem delivered by the CIA. Alex didn't want to be kidnapped. He couldn't handle that. So he went with me. We never went out on date night.

"Give me your ball. You're not ruining date night"

"What? Excuse me? Our friends could be dead and you're worried about you, yourself?"

"Neither one are dead. I would know" i stacked two balls and he threw his hands up in the air. God he could be so annoying in public. I never knew. He is sitting there looking so sexy and doesn't even know. Maybe i should tell him! Strike One. Right. Then I'll get in trouble. Besides didn't I already show him with a blow job in the car? But no all he had to do was worry. That was all. Did he compliant my dress? Strike Two. Yes he did. Of course he did. He Always did. But could he tell the difference between one dress and another?

"Can you tell three difference between me and a suit? The different ones I wear?"

I looked up at him. Yeah. Of course I could. This one was blue with jeans in case he had to run. Tomorrow was black which I preferred with black jeans, again. I looked down at the ground but i was still watching him and the street from the corner of my eye. No one was coming. Not good.

He threw his hands up "not again! Not--!" He stood and pulled at his leg "these ones are blue!"

"I know that honey! I just meant--"

"Why are you whiney?"

"Just stuff."

I felt him lean backwards on me, back to back, slide down and end face up between my legs.

"Get on. Hurry before someone sees" I looked down between my legs at him. His bright blue jeans were undone

"But you're not out yet and you don't like me being on top!"

"Look again"

"Oh you're out already?! But some one could see!"

"You better hide it" i looked down the street. "They're not coming you're right they've been kidnapped. Saint Luches was already. Jesse is still waiting. Mark told me and he told me I better take care of you. Come on! Its getting cold! You're gonna freeze my thing off of me!"

"But Mark shouldn't I lay down?"

"Lets do the proper thing and lay your coat down under her. These guys in this van behind her have been watching her and you." Said Mark

"Lead the way babe! This New Orleans thing aint bad at all when you're with someone who knows how to have fun!"

"I can't ... I can't get it up ... I can't do it when some kidnappers are sitting here watching me! Now they know my face!!"

"Well they can get to know my pussy." He was looking up and i could hear a car "what? Its Jesse isn't it? What was he pointing down at?"

"Time? What? Idk!!"

"He said meet me here. He knows what to do this time and he is gonna attack the kidnappers and take the van. Quick baby get up. Someone is coming. Baby! Look at me"

"Im watching Jesse"

"I can't see. Babe. I feel the ground vibrations. You gotta get up. Babe. Honey please. Babe he's coming to you" he had no idea a kidnapper from the van was coming and the on side he had me pinned down in. I could see his shadow. I didn't know if he was using chloroform and how fast he was. He thought i was talking about Jesse in the van. No. I was talking about the people at our feet!! Not our heads.

"Why don't you trust me i can see just fine!" He looked down at me and kissed my lips and saw the shadow i saw. He looked up. There was 7 kidnappers surrounding us. He still hadn't entered me and had his Dick in his hand. But he was over me so they couldn't see. He looked me in the eyes. Slide your knee up. So I did. Carefully and zip. Then he was up in a milisecond, climbing off me, grabbing the club and swinging. What do i do? "Tuck and Roll!!"

I did away from them, the same direction he had went "Go!! Don't run!!"

He meant hide. He was fighting for the club it seemed.. One was watching and 2 were down and 2 were fighting him and one was nearby to jump in.

"You can't catch me!!!!" I ran toward him. Zig

"NO! I GOT IT! JUST NOOOO!"

Zag! "Hey!! You wanna piece of me?!?! I got a pretty pussy!!" I smiled and pulled at the hem of my skirt and twisted my hips back and forth.

"Noooo!!!"

The guy fighting him for the club.. He was sickest. I saw it in his eyes. He didn't know what a human was anymore. It was so long since he had been one. Surrounded by evil so long that's all he knew and has become.

Dam if he hadn't distracted me just enough... First i felt a light touch on my ankle, "me" "no, that's enough she can only have me dammit" my arm was grabbed roughly. I felt i was in a horror film and i was the one to die. The man sized thing had a death grip on me and blacked out teeth and a look on his eyes that passed psycho. I was scared. I checked Laughlin. He was just watching keeping cool twirling the golf club like a baton. I could hear Luches saying I said help me and Laughlin saying I said run.

"Let GO!" I yanked my arm. I spun around, bent my knees. There was 4. Shit, all eyes on me! Its time! Go! I ran toward the one i expected to grab me But didn't. Past him fast, jog past Laughlin in heels. I know he liked it. I was in heels. Extra special sauce. Slow jog so he could enjoy. Larger outer rim and super fast towards the kick. I slammed myself into the chain link fence. Ducked down a bit and tight squeeze -- heels to the side. Stand in the middle. I completed a full circle. Dodged behind the storage shed. I only had 6 inches. My ass bent the fence so i could sit a bit, taking pressure off my knees because I put my feet in toe facing toe. I was too desperate to think that step. Man I was scared

"Stay in the middle. He will come and get you. Man look at my baby I'm so proud" I heard my real mom. The one that gave birth to me.

"Mom! I'm scared! There's too many! Is he gonna be alright?"

"Mark will help he will be fine."

"Okay I'll just wait then" I looked down at my nails and picked at the cuticles.

"Don't look up"

I did anyway. It was grotesque. I flinched.

"Don't you want me?" He asked leaning his head in as far as he could between the fence and shed.

"Don't look up"

I did anyway. At least he looked somewhat human. He was probably the Boss. He was the one i expected to grab me. Instead he just stands around while everyone else does the work.

"They're too high to know what they're doing. They'll be alright"

"Mom my heart!"

"Every thing is alright you just need to caaalllm through it" I felt relief

I just need to look at the normal one. That will be okay..

"Are you kidnapped?"

I heard the chain link behind me I looked and he was trying to move in behind the shed. I whimpered.

"Yeah. You are young, too, I expect. I think i know your boyfriend. He work in New York City?"

I gasped "you are kidnapped! What are you doing?!!"

"They made me do it. Said if i didn't they would kill my whole family. So i pretend to be the lookout hoping someone will catch me, them, they pay me good too. Your other friend is in the van"

Alex appeared

"No!!!" I gasped and put my hand in my face as he knocked out the innocent kid "just go get the other--"

"What am I doing?"

"Kill that thing over there"

"What baby? Let's get you out of there" he leaned over to assist

"Oh my God! Watch out!" I saw the shadow loom near him

"Huh? I already hit this one! Just go the other way babe! It'll be alright"

"Oh my God. I hope so!"

"It will just do what you need to" i heard my mom's voice. "He's over here"

"I know" I was so scared to look around the corner and see the eyes of herion on the face of a psycho but I had to, I know Alex was just holding him off. Pretending to fight. I could tell.

"Now run!" My mom said

"Okay!" I was whining "to the van! I know! Right in front of me!" I felt confident. I got past the fence into the lot "oh no! There's two!"

"Just get in! That is what i was trying to tell you!" Mom said

"Okay... I... I... Okay come on door open for me!" It did it smelled like oily car parts "saint Lcuha?"

"No"

Okay get in. What? Did he say no? I could smell his cologne. I was in such a panic. My heart was failing me so bad

"Why are you putting your seat belt on for? He wants thou to drive and Don't duck"

Who? Saint Luches? I looked up and saw Alex.

"I'm hoping that other one is empty. I took the keys. Idk why. Now let's find Jesse"

It took 3 weeks to clean up New Orleans. The CIA there went bad. They said they would let people return home but if any one was on the street they were free game. The mini golf was abandoned. Gate ripped off. Cars in the parking lot but no one was there. We got the club and balls our self.

I had to go to the emergency room 4 times because of chronic heart failure.

One time All i could do was bend over and put pressure on my heart but it was too bad. Alex held my hand as he drove. He drove to the hospital, covered in kidnapper blood. Saint Luches had to carry me in. I was already gone.

They said it was heart attacks. Nurses said it was miracles. 3 heart attacks within 10 days. Massive heart failure. Dead for 9 hours one time. About t pronounce me dead but had to wait on a lawyer from NYC. A miracle they said. But I felt like shit.

Only 6 of us against 294 kidnappers, 2/3 were CIA/FBI

No one went to school or work. Only fully loaded adult vans went to stores and not many shelves had food.

The Evil was great in that town. Just East of New Orleans.

Only 294 took down thousands.

Only 6 if us it took to save them all.

We did the same thing every time. 2 homeless/hungry street walkers, sometimes prostituting.

Or 3 if I couldn't go because I was too sick, around my kryptonite heroin and kidnappers.

2 Michael Jackson and T at movie theaters, gas stations, wherever normal went. Sometimes I went with them. Sat in the back seat. Lincoln Continental. Tinted windows. Back seat window slant for privacy. They would lock the doors. I would unlock T's he would use the key or she would open. Sometimes I did both. That's when we knew I was feeling better. I had to unlock 2 doors all day at least 4 days without missing a stop without a reason. Or I had to stay in the car. I got paid. Really sick days I laid down and slept. She would go in through his side door or stay in and sit with me.

9 times I unlocked the door for a kidnapper. I was usually reading a novella. Id see a shadow, think it was her or sometimes Michael. Just unlock it auto matic ally.

The first time I ran screaming from the car when a zombie got in. And collapsed 20 feet away. I felt dumb. I tried to keep my eyes open. To see whose feet i could hear but i was dead.

T telling Michael "2 days after her 3rd massive heart attack and what's she out doing? Exercising. What the doctor say to do? Not that! You not dead yet? We're taking you to the hospital anyway. This will be no fun. Im not taking the fall for that. What was she doing anyway? Unlocking the door for that that thing. I don't blame her I would taken off running screaming too if that thing came near me. What she call them? zombie? Dam things are scary looking. And she opened the door for the scariest. Bet he could smell her sweet pussy like that other one did that scared her so bad. Said he reminded her of her dad that day when she called the police on him but worse. She said she only told me that cause she said I'm a girl and pretty and her mom was giving her a pretty hard time About it and she wondered she should be scared or not, it was pretty dam bad Michael. She had this look in her eyes that i never seen before. She's asleep now. Wuss. Wuss. But it was bad Michael im telling you. That look in her eyes. Shes never had it, it was terror. Complete terror. Wuss. Wake up wuss. She told me to call her that. Might make her angry i don't care about her feelings. Make her wanna fight me. Im her cousin. I could do that. Wuss. Wuss. She's too weak. She can't. She wants to though. She's awake, i told your secret you wanna fight me? She said no. Don't tell them other two boys tho. I already told Jess. She said i could because he's independent like her but the other two seem to rely on her and she don't want them to know. She said Jesse would know what to do and protect them for her. But if they knew how scared she was They would go berserk. But she said they would start fighting how to take care of her. She said it was good you were here tho. You could take leadership over her and they would let you. They want her safe and out of the way the most part thats what she said. Wuss. Get back in your body. I ain't putting up with that shit, she said at the hospital. Theres something happening up a head. She can't see laying down. Van! Kidnappers! She said that is the one the boys are in. She said to follow. Who is in? Oh Jesse and Alex. Saint Luches always goes alone. But Alex won't. Oh he will now? She said he knew something was wrong so he jumped in too. They're trying to figure out what. Or what to do, what is. Oh they don't know what is wrong with her. Get back in Yoir body and sit up. She said no. She's too weak just tell the boys to shove her against the window. You know they won't. They will have a dam heart attack. Sit up! You see this. She's waving her arm at and it goes up 6 inches then thump. She can't do shit. Wuss. She's just a wuss. I'm just unlocking the door for them So they can get in faster. She had a heart attack. She said collapsed she's trying but she has no rhythm. Just rub her hands and legs and feet that's what the doctor said to do. No she's been shaking her head although slightly and nodding. Nodding is clearer but she's only moving near millimeters. Aren't ya? Look! She smiled! She's lethargic. No don't try to move! Just lay there let them help your blood flow to your heart and brain"

Jesse had got in at my head. Alex at my feet. They just slid under my body. When we got Saint Luches, Jesse slid to the middle and bent me up in his lap then laid me down gently into Saint Luches lap.

Of all the people in the car, Saint Luches put his seat belt on.

Boy been thrown in the back of vans with no seats much less belts for weeks!!. Dam boy. I laughed and it killed me..at least I died laughing, i thought. Instead of of terror.

I had to stay over night. Total 9 days in the hospital. For 3 massive coronary and medium to severe heart attack, that wasnt too bad.

Im glad they diagnosed me. My mother said it was a panic attack. I told her I was sure glad she wasn't a nurse! She laughed.

She didn't die laughing, though, she was already dead.

She was right though... She wanted to become a nurse because of my heart condition. It's actually backwards when I was born. Its turned 3/4 of the way backwards now...

Apparently there's extra long tubes so it could turn all the way.

Love is the only cure. My work here isn't done.

Balls to the walls, kids.

So after that... Well the night i got out of the hospital.. My blood pressure dropped from stress, from remembering the last time i had been in the car, so T had to climb over the seat and help the blood flow to my limbs

So after that Alex decided I couldn't ride alone.

So then when i saw a shadow go to the window 2 days after my 4th trip to the hospital after 4 insane heart attacks, and everyone left me in the car alone because there was 7 vans I just unlocked the door

I wasn't really reading. I was trying but really i wss just looking at the book, listening. So when the kidnapper got in, I leaned all the way back in the seat so my head was far as possible. It exposed my chest so if he wanted to perv on my boobs there was nothing I can do. But it was better than being attacked in my spine or head. So i tried to hold the hardcover book to protect me.

I opened my car door to signal a problem.

"Don't move. Stay in the car"

I shut the door. "What is this? I think the seat belt went out" open the door. Slam. "No shit. I really did it this time" open door Slam. "Now the buckle.." Open door Slam. I saw Alex perk on the 3rd. "Now just one more..." Open door. Slam. I heard him. "I'm coming Baby" "got it. Finally" "uhhh sir? I didn't see you in here before. Did you get in the wrong car? Because I don't know yo--"

I realized if he didn't turn around then may be it was better. If I didn't see his face, I had a feeling I wanted to But I didn't know if it was curiosity or instinct. He had a hood up so when he turned his head it wasn't enough.

"Hey... Uhm.. Did you want to get something to eat? One of my friends has lots of money. Did you see her? You're in her seat. You might want to scoot over towards the middle" Alex had came and he had cracked his door open to hear. I knew we needed to find out our situation. And Alex was there. I wouldn't get So scared. If I saw a shadow behind I would just scream and point. This guy wasn't turning around for nothing. He wouldn't see me point out his friends. Of course the shadows were going the wrong direction. But if i could see i could scream, that would make my point clear. I opened up my book to steady my heart. It wzs begining to race and I had to steady it in the beginning. Just think about Alex getting in the car being safe i said to myself.

"Yeah buddy. You may just want to scoot over. Hey did you want to drive or anything? You can the car is already on." Alex climbed in the car. Shut and locked the door and began to mess with his seatbelt

"Where is the girl with the money?"

"Oh they're not coming" Alex looked at me like why did you say that for?

Idk sounded good to me. They were criminals. All criminals wanted money. I was pretty sure he wasn't going anywhere.

"But i took the money. See? I got a hunny" he pulled out a dollar bill from my purse in the floor.

"This is a one!! I need to make me some money!!" He slid over to the driver side

He doesn't even sound human i worried. Alex said he didn't look like he had any eyes.

He put the car in drive

"Alex! No!"

Alex dust busted him anyway, jumped over the seat and put it in park

"He left his clothes?!"

"Yeah. Sit up here with me"

"No I don't want too. Too much strength. Action. Movement. I can't even read. Did you know? Too much strength"

"I had a feeling. But you're smart enough to slam the door to alert me. Put your seat belt on. There you go that's nice. Thank you bunny"

He was driving around the vans looking for our friends. He turned the corner and so many shadows. He parked. They seemed to get bigger.

"Oh no! Alex! Alex!" Then I just literally screamed and covered my head, he reached back and locked my door. Moving slow and still.

"They're just buildings now. You can look"

"Oh no Alex. One just got in the car! He's sitting behind you! Alex! No! Please don't touch me! Alex! Shoot it!"

He tried to climb up the back window. Like the one the day before had when I was just with Michael and T. He laid there mimicking me. And dangling his arm off the back of the back dash. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't know if it was because i had been dead and it was Mark and my brain wasn't working proper cause the blood so i couldn't recognize. T turned around to check on me a lot and Mike checked the review mirror a lot. I knew he was driving but surely he could see if something was dangerous... But his eyes didn't acknowledge. Neither did hers.

"Your mom said i could!" He sounded hurt. In 2020 that attitude pisses me off and i kill things dead immediately, "we were in the morgue! And we were listening!! They said. They said you were scared! And we knew we couldn't kill the Queen! So i didnt turn around! And i was shot! Shot twice!"

Alex looked at me questioningly. "I don't know? If my mom said it's for a reason. I saw him yesterday and didn't tell no one"

"Thats not what i meant and i think i know that. You do, too. You're hiding something from me. Why are you sacred? Why did you let him in the car?" He said as he climbed over the seat. The last question was angry.

"Idk. You're beautiful do you know that? I love you"

"You make me want to fuck you! But I need to know what you're hiding from me, i know you do it sometimes and you haven't said one word about not working and sitting in a car being a door unlocker and you can kill, too"

"I know i can. Its just temporary until i feel better. Your eyes are so beautiful. Lets cuddle"

"Don't make me do this to you. I can't cuddle and you're sick and i know the truth"

"Oh that's okay just put your arm on the back of rhe seat and ill snuggle with you"

"No. I'm being patient with you. Don't look like i just slapped you."

"You did. Not my face but my heart"

"Fine. Lean against me"

"Take your shirt off"

"No I'm not doing that right now, honey"

"Your pants?"

"I would like to say yes but in your condition that's exerting too much pressure on your tonsils"

"What's wrong with T? She hasn't moved since you brought me over here"

"We don't know. Michael is trying to find the answer"

"You just need to shoot her. Here" i reached for the gun on his thigh near his knee

"No!!!!" He snatched it away.

"She won't die! She's not evil"

No way he was like no way

"Babe trust. Look see me. See her? She needs help. She's not like me. She can't move. Whatever hurt her is not her heart. She would have fallen over."

"Let me ask Mike"

"No let me just shoot her"

"You let one alien in the car and you want to kill our friend?!"

"I've let two."

"Oh well! And!" He was losing it.

"She's my cousin!. Trust. I know her. Something that has her is evil. Remember the clothes in the front seat? You shoved them out the door. So her. It must be alien. It must also be evil alien to do that to her. What if there's like a truck to come run her over so they can take her body. Im going to go stand next to her so i can see"

"No baby I'll just ... Ill just try it. But you owe me the truth why you're scared of aliens."

"Did they kill Mike? They killed Mark"

"No he's in a vacant house using the phone takinf9to the alien agency. Are you ready?"

"Yes. Please hurry. Just fire the dam thing already! Ill do it myself!! Ow that's hot"

"I told you I would do it and I did it. Now you owe me the truth"

"i can't im busy"

"You're not doing anything!"

"Im waiting for... She's awake!! Run!! Please hurry!! Hurry!! Let her in!!"

"What's going on!!!!!"

She ran and jumped in. Moments later a big blue worker uhaul type truck plowed into the car.

"The glass didn't shatter this is good. Now we have to kill them. Hurry! No don't get out! Through the window!"

"No one's driving. What if no one is driving? I didn't see anyone-- why is the truck doors opening!!?? No one was anywhere ne--"

I saw them climbing across the hood of the car. To get in. They could just get in. Especially through glass. I started screaming like a toddler. Then yelling "just shoot it!"

"What? Get down!".

Covering my own ears screaming like a toddler, my heart exploding, i sat in the floor board facing the seat. My back against T's seat. Screaming. "Just shoot them! They're every where!! Theres since many!! They're all gonna die!!" I scream like a toddler again.

T is saying over and over to stop screaming.

Alex is losing his mind and fluctuating between adoring and wanting to kill me.

"Just fucking stop it for Jesus sakes!!" He grabs my arm to pull my hand off my ear.

"Are they done? All dead i mean?" I Sat in the seat

"Jesus Christ my babe! Look you screamed so loud you woke the dead, here he comes"

I cover my ears and start screaming again.

"Jesus Christ who woke the kid?".

Alex gets in my face "That's not what i meant!! Okay?!?! Look!! Babe!! Please!! Just look!! Out the window!!"

I grab his hand and cover my eyes and turn to the window

"Jesus Christ. Do you see what she just did!?"

I lift his little finger. Drop it, Thwn his ring but I still can't see so I lift his middle finger and i can see Michael walking towards us

"Really baby?"

"Im not a baby. Im a babe."

"Well you scream like one!" T is excited to see her man "I'm over here!!!!!" She waves to him.

"No don't open the door. Just don't, you don't want her to scream do you?"

"Well how is he supposed to get in?"

"He can get in. He's family. When i scream it feels good"

"Michael is looking at the clothes. She shot me! I'm over here. Her mom told me she would. She said I'm not evil. I'm good and it won't hurt me But protect me."

"Yeah and my mom told me to scream. She said i used to do it when I was little"

"Not to wake the dead"

"Not like we lived next to the cemetery. Besides maybe they think my singing is beautiful and they want to listen more so they come closer and my singing brings them to life because im magical."

T forgot she could move and Michael was sure she was dead. Couldn't figure out how there was skid marks where she was if they had wanted to use her body. Didn't realize she had already moved. Finally she opened her car door and stood. Me yelling did nothing. His jaw dropped. His eyes widened. His head swiveled. He dropped all these papers.a briefcase and ran to the car "oh my honey! I thought you were dead! I was sure of it! I didn't want to go home. Just wait where you died until you returned." He said into her hair all muffled.

"I told you. Love" i say

"Goddamit Youre sexy" she said

"See? All about Love!"

"But how did you get to move? Get to life or whatever did happen?"

"They shot me"

His face went crazy rage "YOU SHOT MY DAM WIFE!?!"

"See?!? I told you! Love!"

"Im gonna fucking kill you!!" He literally threw ber into the door and tried to get to Alex and strangle him

"Or may be not!"

Long story short. She spanked him. He got woke. I went to get the papers he dropped and he abandoned me in the parking lot.

"Yeah what the fuck!" I gathered them up "yeah you're a real stupid ass. Im glad it got hit. I felt pretty bad for you for a minute even though you tried to kill Alex. Now i don't know how i feel. Yeah!! Mad!!!! Leave the abandoned orpahan alone in the parking lot with alien ghosts with a heart condition! 3 massive heart attacks and a really fucking bad one!!! I can have a stroke any minu-- oh my God. I need to calm down im going to die. Im gonna die. Mom i don't know how to breathe I'm gonna choke to death. Mom! Help!! Somebody?!?!" I fell. It was all dramatic and beautiful.

Alex got out of the car that screeched down the street and picked me up "is this what heaven is like?"

"You wish. You've really got some explaining to do"

"This is so romantic! This is so sweet!!" Everything was pink and blue and not the colors they were supposed to be "is the street a river? Is this good?"

Alex walked around to the other side of the car after dropping me off.

"Oh my God!!! Sabrina!! Oh my God! No stop the car! Are you bleeding?! No! You're turning pink! Armageddon wants you back. No don't go we need you to much. Sit baxk. We will pretend we are ina limo"

"STOP THE CAR. YOU'RE DRIVING IT INTO A LAKE! WERE ALL GONNA DIE!! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR PAPERS!! wow the world is changing before my very eyes. GET THE PAPERS! YOU NEED TO CHANGE THE PROPHECY! Get the dang pap--"

"Hes not even in the car"

"Then who wss driving? He was in the seat. The world keeps changing too many colors, the people. I need to eat by the way"

"Sabrina what happened to you by the way? Why did you fall? You were all covered in blood out your nose, eyes. Ears, wrists. Then you turned pink like you lived on Armageddon. And the colors you explain are Armageddon but nothing we saw changed but not on you. Not in the air. Nothing."

"They want me back. They want me back. We will have a meeting tonight. I stayed here?"

"Yes"

"Then all will be fine. Lift up your shirt. No him."

"Why do you Keep telling me to do that?"

"To keep rhythm with your heart. My mom told me that's how she kept me alive. That and with screaming. My dad couldn't do it. That's why they always took me to the bar. That's what she said. She said you could do it for me since Mark isn't here. And just about any Earthling or human as long as it's not Jupiter"

I fell asleep. I woke at the hotel restaurant parking lot

"I'm back!!! I went to Armageddon and they said they're a bunch of douche bag bastards and want to take over the Earth and asked what I thought. I said no. They said they believed it was temporary!!"

Michael turned around. He was an alien. Alex was. Everyone was. I laid back in the seat and started screaming and kicking while they tried to eatmy soul.

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 5

LAST TIME ON SINGY WINGY

ANGRY GREMLIN BEAT UP GOOD BY SUICIDE MOVE SURVIVE BLUE BIRD YES. BLUE BIRD GO TO HOSPITAL FOR WATER METAPHOR WITH AFTERLIFE GIRLFRIEND. TINY BIRD SAD, BUT THEN NOT GET SAD! JACKIE CHAN TIME AFTER MUCH THINKING. WIFE WORRIED ABOUT THINGS. SOMETHING SOMETHING PUNCH GOOD NOW.

Let us continue.

Miku wakes up to see her wife has run off yet again. This is the part of the Sam Reimi’s Spiderman franchise phase where the Mary Jane (not weed) begins having a rockier relationship with Peter Parker (not slang for penis) due to lack of availability.

It’s contrived.

It’s almost impressive that she left a note and had time to draw a tiny Hibiki saying something in a bubble. Glad to see you have your priorities straight, Hibiki.

“you know she might have had a better time in the local art school that doodle aint half bad”

Hibiki is motherfucking Rocky all up in this.

She’s going to kick some ass and nobody’s getting in the way.

“YOU’RE GONNA EAT LIGHTING AND YOU’RE GONNA CRRRRRAP THUNDER TACHIBANAAAAA”

“THAT’S A DIET I CAN GET BEHIND”

I wasn’t joking when I said she’s not fucking around anymore. Did you think I was joking? I can see how you can get the impression given the first few episodes, but I really can’t emphasize the thoroughness of the ass kicking she is going to be capable of.

“MY FATHERLY ENERGIES ARE WORKING! ADOPTERS ANONYMOUS WAS WRONG AFTER ALL!”

That’s totally not ominous in the slightest.

Meanwhile, in the middle of an unnamed McMansion in the middle of who knows where...

Gratuitously spoken English is heard. To be fair, it’s actually really impressive pronunciation coming from people whose native language are systemically different to ours. Most shows would just settle for “this dude is actually speaking english but everything is said in japanese for better interpretation” but not Symphogear! No siree!

Relic business is afoot.

We have a random blonde lady shooting random Noise from the thing The Gremlin had in her hands.

She’s really trying her best with her accent. She’s also casually shooting Noise because let’s face it, would we not do the same if it were in our hands?

“i do whatever i want with my big stiff rod pal”

Also, she’s a nudist. To also be fair, if you lived in a fuckoff rich McMansion with weapons beyond your comprehension, you likely couldn’t help but walk around naked doing whatever the fuck you want.

The people she’s talking to are the Americans, which we explained before are portrayed strictly in an antagonistic light. They want some relics, and this lady clearly deals them like like some sort of glorified drug dealer.

Suffice it to say, she’s not a very nice person.

Also, the subs don’t match what they’re saying in English in the slightest.

The name of this woman... is Fine (pronounced fi-neh). And she is the main antagonist of this series.

Fucking identical.

And here is the most unpleasant scene in the entire season.

The person we’ve repeatedly alluded to as The Gremlin is called Yukine Chris. She serves Fine in whatever the hell they’re up to right now. In this case, it’s using the Nehushtan armor to run around with Solomon’s Cane to throw Noise around the city.

“shits gonna get real abusive, pal”

Fine is a narcissistic sociopath. She’s manipulated Chris into servitude by believing she is the only one that can pave humanity into salvation.

“i dont like that smile”

Chris thinks Fine can secure her deepest wish. Ironically? It’s world peace.

“yeah! yeah yeah, world peace, yeah, totally. just treat me like jesus and we’re gucci”

Anyway, she proceeds to thoroughly shock Chris.

The lore behind this is that this is helping her resistance with dealing with the physical demands of the Nehushtan armor, as well as deal with the pieces of Nehushtan that may be still inside. Let’s be real, though. Fine’s a sadist, and just likes hurting people willy nilly.

“fuck... that hurt like shit... hey wait... wouldnt some of the electrical arcs hit you and shock you too, given you’re so naked and close to all this...?”

“ya nevermind that food looks real nice and i want a piece of that fuckin turkey”

It’s a real creepy scene, and it cements Fine’s horribleness really well. One of the most pivotal things to take note is that Fine says that people can only communicate with each other universally through pain. Strong, terrible BDSM overtones notwithstanding, this will be a common (though varying in quality) motif of the entire series.

“BITCH YOU THOUGHT WE WAS GUNNA EAT AFTER THAT FUCKIN’ WISECRACK ABOUT GETTING SHOCKED LIKE YOU’RE EVEN FUCKIN’ NIKOLAI TESLA ALL UP IN HERE WE’RE GONNA ELECTRIC SLIDE YOUR ASS TO NEXT WEEK”

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK”

“WHERE THE FUUUUUUUCK IS HIBIKI?!”

“i was gonna invite her to the circus with the rest of the class ‘cause i felt bad about how i treated her but i guess she’s not here”

“the only clown im interested in is hibiki, in the carnival tent of my own bedroom”

“isn’t being a part of /fit/ great, hibiki? can you just feel the gains?”

“yeah who needs doting wife based significant others when you have your gym bros, right newly acquired father figure?”

Hibiki, having acquired a new brain cell during her training, asks the million dollar question:

“Why the fuck are we relying on schoolgirls to deal with all this stuff?”

“anime just be that way, hibiki. i’m just the wrong protagonist in the wrong show.”

Japan is super big on keeping the Symphogear a secret because they are strong and the world really, really wants a slice of the Symphogear pie. These people are basically walking super-weapons. Tsubasa literally dropped a sword the size of a skyscraper. It’s like the premise of the series of Iron Man films.

“do i get like a superhero name too or”

Something to wrap your head around. This was released around 2012, and while the setting seems to be slightly more futuristic, the world it was made in at the time had not been through the era of social media/smartphones we have right now. It was on the cusp of doing so, which means the idea of decent (yet vertical) amateur footage of things happening wasn’t something in the mainstream yet. Why do I say this?

Because in Symphogear, the fact that Symphogear exist is the biggest open secret in this unidentified city ever. NDAs are passed like hotcakes to keep people’s mouths shut on seeing monster-fighting singing superheroes. And they sing, too! Symphogears as an entity are the most high-profile fighting agents out there. Bright colors, no masks, constant singing, fighting in broad daylight in populated areas. Everybody knows, but no one says a word.

Which means every politician on the face of Japan hates these idiots, but they’re stuck with them out of sheer necessity.

“i swear to god if you bring up sam reimi’s spiderman one more goddamned time”

“look it’s the truth, all anime comes back to sam reimi’s spiderman. fate zero did it. uhhh, fucking...baccano, probably? now us. face it. its pretty much the bible.”

It’s also pointed out that the very concept of a Symphogear is born from a science that didn’t exist, and it probably contributes to political frustration as well.

“im going to microwave all your sam reimi spiderman dvds. im gonna do it. you try me, motherfucker. i didnt go into acting and get into this position to hear lectures about a decades old film franchise nobody cares about anymore.”

“can we stop fighting about the validity of sam reimi’s spiderman for five seconds and get back to helping me thing of a dope as hell superhero name? now, lemme lay one on you: Mister Fister”

Hibiki asks where Code Ryoko is.

“any answer besides Not Here works”

“oh, she left to talk to the americans, why?”

“huh, shes sorta late, actually”

“WHY A BAD BITCH LIKE ME GOTTA GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC LIKE THIS”

In the mother of all Mom Vans, no less.

MEANWHILE... IN METAPHOR LIMBO...

Tsubasa has reached the sea floor of the water metaphor dimension surrounded by water, which is her feelings, which are very gay. Imagine the Mariana Trench but like, deeper. Way deeper. That’s where Tsubasa is.

Leave it to Kazanari “I am literally a sword” Tsubasa to successfully spin the very act of surviving a suicidal move during combat as a failure. That’s a special kind of self loathing right there.

“the sheer force of my love for big ladies is keeping me alive”

Tsubasa asks about the point of Kanade’s sacrifice. Why’d she do it? Why was she so hungry at the end?

She personally shows up to answer that question, because that’s Kanade for you.

“being badass is cool, but you know whats cooler? caring.”

“sharing the sauce... you... you shared the sauce...”

“thats right, tsubasa. i wanted to protect the sauce, but... ultimately... sharing it was better. it wasn’t my sauce, tsubasa. it was everyone’s...”

“im gonna suck on a ketchup packet in your memory, tsubasa”

Kanade’s spirit pulls her out of the dimension of water metaphors as she is slowly undrowning from her emotions.

Tsubasa, like Kanade, was lost in the sauce. But now, after Kanade’s touching peptalk, Tsubasa is lost no longer.

“will i ever see you again in my dreams, kanade...?”

“where there’s a sauce. i’ll be there.”

“ill eat taco bell every day just to see you again kanade”

“and i dont even like taco bell... im more of a chipotle girl...”

After accepting Taco Bell as her lord and savior, she is immediately pulled out of the metaphor zone.

And wakes the fuck up.

“b..... b..... b............”

“Baja Blast....”

[thehomierobbstark]

What was the bomb Ramen recipe?

Aight BOOM I finally got a chance to answer your question so here it is! Thank you for being so patient anon:

To start, I use this video as a reference regarding cooking methods and ingredients/measurements

Here’s the printed instructions for the above video

I don’t follow it fully because I don’t have all the stuff/don’t feel like doin allat, but here’s what I do use:

*1 Tbsp. sesame seeds

*2 cloves garlic (minced or grated)

*½" ginger (grated)

*Scallion (white part, diced)

*2 tsp. sesame oil

*2 tsp. chili bean paste

*2 tsp. soy sauce

*1 cup rice milk [substituted for soy]

*½ tsp Kosher salt

*Dash of white pepper

I also use the following as a personal preference:

Star Anise seeds (about 3 per serving)

Brewed Noodle Dipping Broth (optional)

Fresh Corn cut off the cob (about 1 cup per serving)

Fresh Spinach (1-2 cups per serving)

Mushrooms (sliced; about ½ cup per serving)

Red Onion (some diced, some sliced [for texture difference])

Eggs (1 per serving)

[For the pictures below, since I’m familiar with this recipe the ingredients shown aren’t exact measurements, so don’t get worried if yours don’t match up. I didn’t use all the ingredients below, but also I was cooking for 3 people {for example I only used about half the ginger on the cutting board, but all the spinach, etc etc.} 

If its your first time cooking ramen/this recipe, I’d suggest going with the listed measurements for all the *starred* items until you get more comfortable with your personal taste/preference.]

Heres a few pictures of the ingredients I used, just in case you’re a visual person like myself or you also need an idea for what some of the items look like:

(That hunk of yellow in the middle is grated ginger)

(These are Star Anise seeds)

ALRIGHT! So you’ve got all your ingredients laid out and ready to go.

Starting with your sesame seeds, pour those into a small saucepan and toast them until they’re a nice golden brown. Make sure you start off with low heat because this can get away from you real fast, so stir them regularly every few seconds to keep them from burning.

As you can see above these kinda got away from me [😅] but I was comfortable with the toasted : semi- toasted ratio so I stopped several seconds after this point. Toasting the seeds helps to bring out the oils and flavor, and you can also throw the anise seeds in there at the end for a few seconds to get those a little toasted too if you like.

Now you’re gonna grind up the seeds. Don’t have a mortar and pestle? Cool! Me either! What you might have tho is an ice cream scoop and a mug, so throw that shit in there and get to grinding! (You can also use a ziploc bag and a rolling pin, but remember to let the seeds cool before you dump them in the bag or it’ll melt [yup. been there done that 😅] ).

(Unground sesame seeds)

Once you’ve got those ground up to your desired texture (mostly powdery is good, don’t feel it needs to be perfect you just wanna smash open a good amount of the seeds) start heating up your medium sized pot on low.

This would be the 1:18 mark in the video above, and you’re gonna follow the instructions as so up until 2:18.

Start with your sesame seed oil and let that heat up (only takes a few seconds). Then, dump in your garlic, ginger, and white parts of the scallions ( I call them green onions but whatever lmao) and let that cook for a lil until that shit starts smellin good (or until the white parts of the onion get a little translucent). You can play with your fire a little bit but sesame oil burns fast so try to keep it on the low side to keep your food and pot from burning.

Now, if you’re like me and adding red onion and mushroom too, you can add that in now to get those cookin. The mushrooms might soak up a bit of your oil so feel free to add a little more sesame oil and cook until your veggies are evenly coated. Don’t worry about the mushrooms not being thoroughly cooked yet cuz they’ll soak up the flavors of the broth and get cooked with the next few steps. Don’t forget to add in your sesame and anise seed powder now.

(Forgot to add the mushrooms here lol)

Feel free to turn your heat up to low medium at this point to get your pot headed in a nice simmering direction. Now, you’re gonna add your chili paste, soy sauce, and dipping broth (a quick splash is good enough) and stir that in nicely as well.  I suggest tasting all these ingredients before adding them so you have an idea of the spice and sodium content you’re working with, as well as the flavors. I like my food spicy and not too salty, so I use extra chili paste and low sodium soy sauce.

(Does not include soy sauce or dipping broth yet. Still no mushrooms XD)

The dipping broth I use has a little bit of a sweet flavor in it, so I keep that in mind to prevent from adding too much (if you’re using fresh corn the sweetness will also be heightened, tempting you to add more salt). All of the above ingredients have a good salt content tho, so be mindful of that if you need to watch your salt intake. Also! Taste as you go. That way if you need to add a little of anything you can add it in before you get to the finish line.

[You also may want to take a moment to start another pot of boiling water for your ramen noodles at this point.]

You can turn up your heat now to medium, because we’re about to add in the milk. The recipe above calls for soy milk, personally I use rice milk, but if you wanna use another non dairy milk, thats also great! (I’ve only used soy and rice milk tho so I can’t dictate what the taste may be like with another type of milk)

If you’re not fucking with non dairy milk (understandable lmao) see the substitutions I provided down below.

Add in your milk, stirring to blend all the flavors. You can pour half, stir a little, and pour the other half, or pour it all at once and stir, or pour little by little while stirring. The point is, it doesn’t matter how you do it, long as your pour the shit in there and stir it together 😂. Once you get that all mixed in nicely, you can turn your pot up to full medium or even a low high, to get it bubbling.

(A non bubbling but very delicious pot of broth)

The raw looking onion up there is just the leftover onion slices I added in for texture. At this point, I like to add a little salt and white pepper into my broth and give it a little taste test to see where its at. Sometimes I use a pinch of sea salt, sometimes just regular salt, it depends on what I feel like reaching for. They’re both the same to me, but again if you need to be mindful of your salt intake for personal or health reasons, you can go ahead n skip this step. I also add a few handfuls of fresh spinach to get that cooking down. ***Also don’t forget to add your corn in too!***

Check on your pot of boiling water, and if its ready, go ahead and add your noodles in.  Feel free to use whatever ramen noodles you want, be it Top Ramen, Neoguri, Maruchan, its all up to you. I used Shin Ramyun noodles, in case you’re curious. Cook the noodles as directed.

I don’t really use the flavor packets, because 1) ummm we just made some bomb ass homemade ramen broth SON!!! get that shit outta here 😤😤 but also 2) the salt content is out of this world, and as you keep hearing me say, you wanna keep an eye on that.

BUTTTT if you’re tasting your broth and you feel like maybe it could use a lil sum sum, sometimes I’ll add in a couple sprinkles of the flavor packet to give it a little extra spice and umph (the noodle packs up there are Gourmet Spicy), but I really don’t add much, maybe two amounts of whats shown in the spoon depending how many people I’m cooking for. (Maybe a little more if my grannys not looking lol)

I do however use the vegetable packet, so dump that in the broth too.

I’ll also crack an egg or two into the pot and let that get cooking. I don’t like the boiled runny yolk versions you’ll normally find in ramen, but I like eggs, so I like this much better. Its basically scrambled egg, just wet lol.

(The egg is the little flecks of yellow and white in the pot)

Try to prevent immediately stirring the egg once you crack it in the pot, otherwise you’ll get little baby disintegrated bits, which is okay, but if you want to taste good amounts of egg with the rest of your ingredients, try the following:

Let it sit for maybe half a minute after cracking (start by doing one egg at a time) then taking some wooden chopsticks, or a fork, and just mix back and forth through your broth. If you’re doing this while the pot is still boiling or on medium heat, it won’t take long for your egg to cook, so don’t get worried about the possibility of uncooked egg in the pot. Give it about 2 minutes, maybe a little more for comfort, and you’re good to go! Put your pot on low and let it simmer.

Go ahead and check on your noodles now, they should be done now or close to it. Once they are, drain the water out of the pot and set aside. Sometimes I forget this part, but you want to drain the water to keep the noodles from getting to the translucent/overcooked stage, unless thats your personal preference.

Now if you’re anything like me, you’re probably up there lookin at the last three photos like “woooow Homie, you out here providing ramen recipes but you aint providing the recipe for them potstickers you got goin in the back,”

First of all, mind ya bidness

Nosy ass….

Second of all, these from Trader Joes bruh!

They’re the Thai Shrimp Gyoza ones and they’re in the frozen section.  As you can see, I panfried them, using olive oil and sesame oil (like 1 tablespoon each) and these shits are bomb af. See? Don’t I be comin thru for yall?

But anyway, back to the ramen recipe.

NIGGA you done!! All you gotta do is plate your noodles in a bowl, ladle your broth in there, sprinkle your green onions on top, maybe add little sriracha and BOOM

Congratulations! You just made some bomb ass ramen homie!!!! (peep the panda chopsticks :D)

Now go put on your favorite show, kick back, and get to grubbin! 

Warning: You will absolutely knock tf out after devouring this shit, so clear a space and prepare for that lmao. Trust me, I do it every time 😂😂

////Substitutions////

For the Garlic, Ginger, and Onion, feel free to use the powder versions instead if you don’t have fresh on hand.

There is also sesame seed powder and, apparently, anise seed powder (don’t ask me where to find those two because ionknow)

Kosher Salt- as far as i’m concerned salt is salt, like I said I use regular or sea salt if you don’t have kosher

Rice or Soy Milk- If you wanna use dairy milk, I’d say start with half a cup of dairy and then half a cup of vegetable or chicken broth (low sodium versions are a thing). This will help make it creamy without compromising too much of the flavor you’ve built up. Again, taste as you go to tweak as needed.

Soy Sauce can of course be substituted for the low sodium kind.

Fresh Ingredients: For Corn, Spinach, Mushrooms and even Onions, Frozen or Canned works just as well and its a significantly cheaper option (idk bout canned onions tho). If you’re going the canned route, make sure to just rinse it out first before adding to get rid of any extra salt content and preservatives that might be floating around in there.

***Black pepper can be subbed for white, theres no difference

I know the struggles college students, those on budgets, and peeps who live in food deserts may have when it comes to getting some of these ingredients, so don’t feel you gotta have it all to make it taste good. Just work with what you got, get a little crafty and experiment a little, and maybe try some new things and see how you like it! (Like, seriously, rice milk is great I love it 😂 )

Lastly, this recipe is vegetarian and vegan friendly! (Sans egg for the vegans of course) so its super enjoyable for yall as well!

I’m not vegan nor vegetarian, and I have added meat sometimes in the past, but I like this version the best because it just taste the best to me.

If you try the recipe, feel free to shoot me an ask and tell me how it went! Now go get cookin! :D

[theajjf]

It Ain’t Satsuzai… But Then Again - by Jay Drew

New Post has been published on https://www.ajjf.org/it-aint-satsuzai-but-then-again-by-jay-drew/

It Ain’t Satsuzai… But Then Again - by Jay Drew

The phrase “What’s in a name?” gets bandied about, usually in regard with ancestry or history, if you will.  Does the surname Smith indicate that somewhere in your family tree there was a blacksmith – undoubtedly toiling under a spreading chestnut tree?  The name game gets far more convoluted when we throw in a foreign language.  At Camp Kodenkan in 1978 Professor Fisher provided me and others a recipe for Okazaki Liniment.  No name other than Okazaki Liniment was offered at the time.  Somewhere, the grapevine hinted, there was another name for the massage oil – Satsuzai.  Or was it Satsusai with an “s” rather than a “z?”  Eric Pietrelli’s seminal paper on the subject gave a small pause for confusion with the artistic font he used on his cover sheet.  Was the 6th character a “z” or an “s?”  Well it didn’t match the two other characters that looked like an “s” so it must be a “z.”  Once you got into the paper and read the content, it was settled – it was a “z.”  We now had a far more interesting name than liniment, we had SATSUZAI, and it was our secret sauce for massages!  

But there was a small problem.  When some upper rank members of the AJJF took a class from Sensei Keith Okazaki he informed them that the Okazaki family never used the name satsuzai, they called it “Bug Juice.”  So where did the name originate?  

I had the advantage of starting this investigation in 2019 that others did not – the  world wide web.  When you plug satsuzai into search engines, your results pretty much end up with links to AJJF / Danzan Ryu pages that discuss Okazaki liniment, but you generally don’t find links outside of that world.  I did, however, get a hit on a scanned document from the War Department, dated 1945 (TM 3-48 1).  This was a listing of Japanese to English words.  I downloaded the document and did a search for satsuzai. After a few moments of CPU cycles, the screen showed the highlighted word satsuzai with the word liniment after it.  Huzzah, I had found a magic secret decoder ring.  But I was curious as to why the American military would know this, but seemingly no one else?  And then I notice that I was in the “T” section of this ad hoc dictionary and that there were two letters preceding the highlighted satsuzai, they were “t” and “o.”  The word in the dictionary was not satsuzai, it was tosatsuzai.  

Plugging tosatsuzai into the web search engines now gave hits in Japanese to English dictionaries and behold the translations they offered – liniment.  But one hit was more interesting than the others: “An English-Japanese Dictionary of the Spoken Language,” available on Google books.  The first edition was compiled by Ernest Mason Satow and Ishibashi Maskata, in 1875. The online version is the 3rd edition, dated 1904.  As the title suggests, it lists English words first and then the Japanese equivalent.  In this document, “satsuzai” is found twice, once as satsuzai and once as tosatsuzai.  In this dictionary liniment is translated to satsuzai.  It’s the first occurrence encountered in this dictionary that is quite interesting.  That first instance is found as tosatsuzai and the English word linked to tosatsuzai is embrocation.  The illuminating thing is the definition of the word embrocation: 

“the liquid or lotion with which an affected part is rubbed or washed; a kind of liniment.”  

Thus, tosatsuzai is not just some liniment, it’s a special type of liniment for rubbing!  

The kanji in this dictionary is a scanned document. The resolution of the kanji is too poor to make a definitive comparison to modern Japanese-English dictionaries.

I did have a little fun with this newly found morsel of knowledge.  At the 2020 AJJF National Convention I approached Professor George Arrington – a great researcher of everything Danzan Ryu and I mentioned the word satsuzai.  George’s quick (and possibly correct) response was “no such word.”  I then put on my Morpheus overcoat and said “What if I told you there was a word called tosatsuzai?”  He immediately brought forth modern technology to bear on the matter – he searched the web via his phone.  His audible response of his search result is not suitable for this paper.  Suffice to say he was bemused.  So where did satsuzai come from?  

I consulted with my brother in law, who is a translator in Japan, and he suggested that perhaps some folks were hearing it incorrectly and writing down what they heard, or that satsuzai – tosatsuzai was akin to y’all and you all, a contraction.

But then again…

I have found the word satsuzai associated with the word liniment in a few places apart from the Danzan world.  The War Department published two technical manuals TM 30-481 and TM 30-482 and you will find satsuzai (without the “to” prefix). It is listed as liniment on page 604 of TM 30-482 and with various combinations such as sekken satsuzai (soap liniment), on page 622.  The trouble here is that it also lists satsu as liniment on page 603.  A couple of the entries have kanji associated with the listing, but the scanned documents do not provide enough detail to render them above chicken scratching.  Bear in mind that it was an army document that led me to pursue the word tosatsuzai as the Japanese word for liniment.  Neither TM 30-481 or TM 30-482 lists tosatsuzai.

A respected dictionary “The Original Modern Reader’s Japanese-English Character Dictionary,” by Andrew Nathaniel Nelson, does list satsuzai as liniment on page 453 and the kanji is readable and it matches what is found on online kanji dictionaries.  And if one believes that Andrew Nelson’s work is credible (it is), satsuzai is a legitimate word.  For added confusion though, on page 277 of his work you will find tomatsuzai, which is defined as liniment-ointment on the same page you find tosatsuzai as liniment.  

Since Keith Okazaki stated that the family did not use the word satsuzai, you couldn’t say it was a private/proprietary name unknown to the outside world.  Yet   modern online dictionaries do not seem to recognize the word satsuzai.  The War Department recognized both tosatsuzai and satsuzai, depending on which publication.  A respected published dictionary recognizes both satsuzai and tosatsuza,i as does a turn of the century (1904) dictionary.  

Perhaps satsuzai was a colloquial term that fell into disfavor, or tosatsuzai has a more pedigreed history that those who write online dictionaries prefer.  I do say that tosatsuzai’s translation to embrocation has an old-time sophistication, with which I have become enamored.

How did we in the Danzan community start using the name Satsuzai?  It may simply be someone asked, “How do you say liniment in Japanese?”

What do I now label my bottles of embrocation?  Bug Juice.  It has fewer letters than Okazaki Liniment or Tosatsuzai and chews up less tape on my P-Touch labeler.  If y’all come up to me and say Satsuzai I might say you’re 2/3rds there or I might let it go.  After all, I said it for over 40 years and old habits are hard to break.

What should you call it?  I say dealer’s choice.  I am reminded of what my father once told me: “Call me anything you want except Late for Dinner”.

For some more fun, sometime ask me about how to make Okazaki Liniment / Bug Juice / Tosatsuzai / Satsuzai.  I know of 4 different recipes and when I mix it, I do a substitution from what I was originally taught.  That makes it five different ways that I know on how to make it.

And now – The Pictures (or graphics if you prefer):

Japanese:

Tosatsuzai :    Kanji:  塗擦剤     Kana:とさつざい  

Kanji information for 塗   Nelson # 1124 On-yomi:  to Meaning: paint, plaster, daub, smear, coating

Kanji information for 擦    Nelson # 2025 On-yomi: satsu Meaning:  grate, rub, scratch, scrape, chafe, scour

Kanji information for 剤    Nelson # 5424 On-yomi: zai Meaning: dose, medicine, drug

Chinese:

塗   Mandarin Pronunciation is tú- defined as paint, smear, apply (as in makeup)

擦   Mandarin Pronunciation is cā – defined as wipe, scrub, rub, scour; brush

剤   Mandarin Pronunciation is jì – defined as dose

  Back to Kiai Echo March 2019 – February 2020

[cse6441-blog]

Vulnerabilities (my gramma dirty)

lmaoooo i remember these recipes from 1917

Vanilla Cake

yo first off this aint even like a proper recipe gramma. you gotta split up your instructions and they gotta start off with a verb. didnt u do science in school cmon fam.

ok preheat oven thats tight we can do that. what’s next uhh. wait hol on wAT grease pan maybe but for a CAKE dawg??? and flour whatchu talking about - flour what?? thats sus homie

ok cake pan im cool with but MUFFIN PAN??? with PAPER LINERS??? aint this vanilla cake?? we aint out here makingno muffinz

step 2 now u mad trippin what even is a medium bowl. can you define that. that aint no universal standard gramma heLLO. y u lyin. cream together aint no action i ever heard of. this aint no mix action it’s cream out here. yeah i guess you can make butter cream but that aint a cooking term i ever heard of. sugar and butter that seems interesting but how much sugar and butter? yo where the list of ingridents at the start. how i know what to get CMON. ok why beat egg 1 at a time hol up. you just mixing em anyway ??? and is this in the same bowl or nah?? how much again how many eggs and how much vaniLLA???

yo what where is this flour baking powder coming from. this different to the one in the pan right? again no measurements we just winging it out here. oh yeah and creamed mixture is what. the one from stpe 2? ok again dont know how much milk or how smooth it gotta be. now whats the pan we using and spoon aint no term i ever heard of again.

ok so we baking ye but do we not change temp? that usually does change idk gramma. i guess this is kinda aight but 30-40 mins will the cake spring back? you giving me mixed messages zz

Caramel Slice

ok so we startin this off with a lie. since when did they have caramel slice baking contest at easter show?? cmon gramma i know u aint go no easter show.

ok cool we got ingredients now. first step seems pretty cool but 100g extra butter wtf you using that for?? and 2x 395 condensed milk. yall use units for this??? what is going on here?? and MELTED choc ok i guess i didnt get that memo didnt know they sold those at supermarkets. iguess they also only need 1 tbsp of veg oil for all pans regardless of size.

1. 180c/160c seems kinda sus. usually you have LOWER - HIGHER temp. that’s the standard format. also you used Farenheit before but now u celsius dawg?? i dont believe it. again with the greasing and lining that with baking paper? kinda doesnt make sense. why it gotta be specific measurement pan now?

2. ok medium bowl again not like this. ok we got flower sugar and coconut i guess... wasn’t this a caramel recipe tho? why tf is there coconut in this. also i dont ssee no damn caramelin the ingredients GRAMMA. sickens me u lyin to your fav grandson. press firmly?? this aint no misbehaving child wyd pressing caramel slices firmly and how hard. it just gonna stick then??? ok again no temperature change and who adds ‘Cool’ at the end of the step? no metho don how to cool or how long GREAT

3. ok wtf plaistowe chocolate that dont exist i googled it you liar. also microwave? didnt we just cook it? this isnt a budget college meal you cant just microwave stuff. different microwaves handle things differently you cant just say 50% ok what if mine is radiactivewyd. why we stirring and melting it i thought we done! we didn’t even use all the ingredeints u dirty dog

Cheese Souffle

last chance gramma else ther wont be anymore family after this.

serves: 4 ok so is that 4 people or what.

30g of butter ok... only grated mature CHEEDAr huh. this sus already. now we get into the 1/4 teaspoon salt, that’s kinda a weird measurement. 4 eggs separated even more interesting. and then we now measure parmesan cheese in tablespoons...

directions ok but no cooling time? i guess it ready exactly 50 mins no buffer

1. wtf is a 1 1/2 litre souffle dish. is that even real. (it’s not i googled thats way too big ok we arent giants out here). flour and butter in a saucepan hmm ok are we making sauce? and then how exactly do we beat in egg yolks and then why is it one at a time???

2. ok whisking doesnt make things more stiff or glossy. this isnt a thing ok. they also cant get wet like wtF. is WATER WET??? so then now we adding it to the cheese sauce (ew wat) and then somehow make it the same consistency as the prior whites... then fold the egg whites? these are egg whites ok they RAW aint no folding happening here

3. ok when did a skewer get in here yo waT. no cooling i guess we okay with BURNING OUT MOUTHS. a starter for support ok only lunch and supper OK.

Code 1

The variable length is susceptible to an integer overflow and able to bypass the if-statement as a result. Additionally, because length is a short (signed) and MAX is an unsigned integer, when you compare an unsigned with a signed number in C, they will both be converted to signed. Therefore it will be able to bypass the check for max as the range when range overflows into a negative value.

Code 2

The issue here is the possibility of a memory leak that occurs when you forget to free up a piece of memory allocated by ‘malloc’. The thing is that the free(buffer) lies under an if statement, and if that condition fails, you’re left with a dangling pointer to some memory. This means that this data is then able to be accessed and other programs will be able to access it.

Additionally with how the buffer is accessed and such, it is susceptible to a buffer overflow if it was to be read or changed internally.

Code 3

This too is susceptible to a buffer overflow because of what strelen() will return. The comparison will be between the unsigned short int f which is considerably smaller range than the integer that sizeof() returns. Overflowing this will again bypass the die if statement and copy the str.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Captain America: Civil War (Part 3 of 3)

He Reminds Me of a Chicken Pox. If I’m In Trouble PLEASE Do Not Call Him.

The Setup: Here’s Part 1 of Marchae and Clint’s Civil War reaction, and here’s Part 2.

Notes from Kris and Miri in italics.

MARCHAE: Ok can I tell you what I liked

CLINT: Sure I liked everything

MARCHAE: NO NO NO first tell me what you liked 

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 

I would not go that far...  but I did LOVE Madam Hot Sauce!! She is a really strong female character (physically) and that makes me happy... 

CLINT: It was a good continuation of the cap story

Black panther

Spidey

Obviously, cap

Hawkeye

Yes Madame hot sauce

MARCHAE: Hawkeye is a male Katniss Everdeen 

He is not on my list... our lists do not match except for Madam Hot Sauce

CLINT: Visions density shifting

His name is Clint

MARCHAE: SPIDEY is so far not on my list he isn't even on my non existent kid's kid's kid's list

CLINT: [Hawkeye] grew up in the circus

MARCHAE: SHIT! SERIOUSLY!! 

CLINT: Hurtful

MARCHAE: you want me to get back on the things I DON"T LIKE

But really… A CIRCUS 

ok i am going to tell you the things I LIKED 

CLINT: That's his comic history. But continue

MARCHAE: it should not be

CLINT: It works

KRIS: It does! 

I don’t think it’s supposed to be Clint Barton’s backstory in the movies, though. For whatever it’s worth, the Ultimates version of Clint (whom movie-Clint was more directly inspired by, at least early on) was an Olympic archer who became a special ops soldier. We do know that movie-Clint was with SHIELD long before Natasha, and that when he was assigned to kill her (she was with the KGB at the time), he turned her instead.

MARCHAE: I really do like the core of the story like when you take out all the things I didn't like about it the root message of friends til the end is a good one

CLINT: And him and hot sauce are bffs

K: The movie does shortchange this. And I would’ve liked to see even more work with Steve and Natasha’s friendship.

MARCHAE: also...why. I also really liked the action scenes 

CLINT: So Friends makes it worse

MARCHAE: No!  

in fact my note was "I think if they don't talk and it was just action with no words ALWAYS... I could get all the way down"  that's kind of a backhanded compliment but i REALLY REALLY REALLY like action movies a lot

K: I don’t think I knew this

MIRI: I definitely did not

CLINT: So less story more action

MARCHAE: so it is a testament to the fact that they were some amazing action scenes.

CLINT: So you'd like a Michael​ Bay avengers

MARCHAE: We can talk about my issues with story later (and it was mostly just wonky time things)

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

K: I’m learning so much about Marchae

CLINT: No

MARCHAE: I mean I do love to see the people fight and the things get blown up

CLINT: Watch Man of steel you'll see why that's bad

MARCHAE: guess I will and I bet it will be GOOD!

CLINT: No

MARCHAE: well it's also superman...

ok things I like Mr. Madam Hot Sauce (I know she's your crush)

CLINT: #notmysuperman

MARCHAE: LOL

CLINT: Scarjo is the best

MARCHAE: I did like the Black Panther Reveal ( I think by this point in my notes I got their names somewhat together because they are all written-- I am going to take pictures of my notes and put them in the post) I loved the spotty accent the Olsen Sister

CLINT: She was regionally vague

MARCHAE: it was regionally hilarious because it was only on words that had weird 'R' sounds

LOL. it provided comedic relief

I actually really liked the toddler robot he may have been my favorite

CLINT: I don't know if it was funny but ok

MARCHAE: it was

CLINT: Really him

K: Now I legitimately think Marchae should go back and watch Avengers: Age of Ultron for Vision stuff.

MARCHAE: YUP and Madam Hot Sauce... I may be her if I ever decide to celebrate Halloween

K now hear me cause this is going to be mean

CLINT: Comic con

Cos play

MARCHAE: but I really really liked the individual's subplot story lines... they were well defined but the total stories as a collective not so much  so if each character had a break out session of sorts i could do it...

AND I WOULD HAVE COS PLAYED THIS YEAR BUT YOU STOOD ME UP!!!

CLINT: That's what the whole movie was

MARCHAE: no...

CLINT: Unrelated (re:Cosplay)

MARCHAE: (no that last bit is truth)

ok The fight scene with Bucky was also great and the tag team girl fight scene was also pretty amazing

CLINT: Which Bucky fight the one on the stairs or when he was cray. Or both

MARCHAE: Both actually were really good

I also like that it is a woman who calls Iron Man on his crap and tells him to watch his back

CLINT: The stairs is my fav next to the one at the end

The kids mom

MARCHAE: I also really did forget how awesome iron mans suit was  and I appreciated Stan Lee's cameo

those were all the things I liked

CLINT: It it's cool but he has no powers

MARCHAE: who? Iron Man

CLINT: Yep

MARCHAE: Are you kidding me right now?

LIKE ONLY TWO OF THEM DO ANYWAY!!!!

MIRI: Spiderman has powers. Just saying

CLINT: Iron Man has no powers he's just rich and smart

MARCHAE: like none of them have powers is my point I think that this wasn't a bad movie I just would rather more put together polished heroes

CLINT: Vision, Wanda, cap and Spidey

MARCHAE: if you say that things name one more time i swear  Ok can we please talk about spider man just for a moment and I will try to be rational

CLINT: They didn't need back story at this point We're like 12 movies in

MARCHAE: (also thats not a lot of people to depend on--but we are rehashing earlier conversation if we keep revising that point)  

CLINT: Spidey was awesome

MARCHAE: Here is my thing I don't like Spider Man ... not one bit nope

CLINT: Why

MARCHAE: in fact... my actual honest to god note says... "He reminds me of a chicken pox. 

K: I’m... not sure what this means?

he is always jokes on jokes on jokes. If I'm in trouble PLEASE do not call him. Is this THE BEST that Tony can do! He has the ENTIRE MARVEL UNIVERSE AT HIS DISPOSAL”

I've never liked spiderman . he is kind of whiney and it is really annoying when you're depending on people to save your life. I think from that point forward the movie kind of turns into a farce

CLINT: He is a kid and it's how he deals with the stress

Wow

MARCHAE: He needs to grow the heck up

See this is what I mean  

WHY

CLINT: He's in high school

MARCHAE: and the reason it turns into a farce

is because then ANT MAN WHO TURNS INTO A GIANT also JOINS US

CLINT: Tony used a child soldier. Let that sink in

MARCHAE: SANK. I mean there is an entire universe and that man was like let me go and get this MAN CHILD who makes JOKES to help out?

CLINT: Which is why you don't register

MARCHAE: and also the fact that Ant Man referred to them as SUPER HEROES. Which is why we need a manual  

rule number 1A: STOP MAKING JOKES AINT CRAP FUNNY...PEOPLE ARE DYING

K: Wait, maybe Marchae really will like Zack Snyder’s DC movies

CLINT: Ant Man was cool he had his own movie

MARCHAE: Sweet grief

I did like the ant woman/Madam Hot Sauce Fight!

CLINT: And if you let that get to you too much you're done

She kicked him in the gonads

MARCHAE: I feel like That trio: Ant, Spider and Iron Man act way to casual for me

she did and it was great!

Ant Man was the worst... A giant Tiny Man

CLINT: You need them though so it's not super dark. Giant Man was dope

MARCHAE: *eye roll*

CLINT: I'm at that part now. I'm watching it again

MARCHAE: You're watching it AGAIN! LOL

CLINT: Just cause

MARCHAE: YESS!!!

okay so did you have any specific questions for me?  (I mean I have lots for you but I feel like I can easily wikipedia them and spare the interwebs my ignorance)

CLINT: You can ask away, but how did you feel about the reveal at the end with Buck and Tony

MARCHAE: OH I actually really liked that and was shocked!!!  that was pretty cool

K: This is interesting. As a longtime MCU fan who saw it coming from the teaser (and I don't think the movie was necessarily trying to hide it), I still thought it worked on a dramatic level, partly since it involved a betrayal from Steve as well, in his lie of omission.

CLINT: All that destruction to break up the crew

MARCHAE: and it nearly worked...

CLINT: It did

MARCHAE: I think I even noted that it was sad that Captain America felt so alone in the world and that they were literally destroying each other... that was kind of sad ...and great character/story development

CLINT: Man out of time

Defend my friend or jump on board with something to keep his new friends. I was shocked I thought he was hoping to use the soldiers.  

But nope I'm here to let you know buddy killed your parents 

Have fun 

Also Tony's phone

MARCHAE: The phone?  what did I miss 

CLINT: It's just cool

MARCHAE: LOLOL 

CLINT: And projects holograms. I'd want it

MARCHAE: They have those out now! (just kidding)

CLINT: I would own it

MARCHAE: K I don't think I have anything else really of note necessarily

CLINT: See the funny thing is at the end they were close to all being friends again but that was part of the plan

Great ending

MARCHAE: OH NO i didn't mean to cut you off

CLINT: Oh it's cool

MARCHAE: Yeah ... but i feel like it will never be the same with them again 

CLINT: It won't be and that was the plan

MARCHAE: (not that i know a ton about how it used to be with them I mean I saw avengers 1... but still they seemed to all get along)  to turn them against each other and have them all going rogue perfect plan! sounds like gravy to me! 

CLINT: Yep in zemos eyes the avengers killed his family 

he knew he couldn't beat them so he decided to break them 

You can't overlook your friend knowing his homie killed your mom 

Then just be cool

MARCHAE: It is a very intricate story that's for sure

CLINT: But well done

MARCHAE: *offers tight smile*

CLINT: Lol

MARCHAE: We all like different movies  

CLINT: What would you score it

MARCHAE: I feel like it's a trick question because it's like the score BS and the score AS

CLINT: (I'm lost) wait spider Man

MARCHAE: YUP

CLINT: Oh wow such shade

MARCHAE: So BS  it yielded a solid 7.5

AS it went down to probably a 5... I really don't like him and it did get a little silly to me when he arrived on the scene

MIRI: OH MY GOD MARCHAE

CLINT: Then after

MARCHAE: also I need to shout out Marisa Tomei.

K: This did kind of make me want to watch Only You, an early-90s rom-com Tomei and Downey star in. But having seen the trailer, I’m not sure Downey’s character will have aged well.

After what

CLINT: After no more Spidey

MARCHAE: Oh it'd go back up to a 7.5

CLINT: 9.5

MARCHAE: on that note LOL 

CLINT: Lol

MARCHAE: well hey it's been a freaking DELIGHT to do this with you!!! I had fun watching and talking to you about Captain America Civil War

CLINT: 11ty. Hundred! It was a good time

MARCHAE: 11ty hundred is not a movie rating LOL 

CLINT: For this one it is

MARCHAE: I adore you 

Let's try and see LOGAN!

CLINT: I say bvs or we can do both

MARCHAE: what is BVS?  bible vacation school? 

CLINT: Or if you're up for torture will Smith and suicide squad. Batman vs Superman

MIRI: Marchae, don’t watch Suicide Squad. Two bad Will Smith movies in a year might destroy you. He’s good, but the movie is a disaster.

MARCHAE: Lets aim for BVS and Logan! we officially have plans! 

Thanks again for doing this brother 

CLINT: No prob sister

Thanks very much to Clint for being our first Guest Reactor! We hope he has time to join us again further down the line. I mean hopefully it won’t come down to the end of the line. Which is a reference Marchae would understand IF SHE’D WATCHED THE WINTER SOLDIER.

Anyway. No promises, but maybe a Spider-Man: Homecoming reaction is in the cards, though if we want Marchae to watch it we’re going to owe her two or three Reactions to things she chooses. Watch this space. In the meantime, you can follow us on Twitter.