#and now that i’m closer to my 30s than i ever thought i’d be…. i’m like… why not go for it! do cool things! revisit old hobbies or dream-

[boyobjectifier]

life before 25: ugh nothing matters 😔😭

life after 25: oh! nothing matters! ☺️🥰

[certifiablyinsanez]

Today, I want to talk about Charles and what is likely his own struggle with suppression and denial. Now I know I’m not the only one rooting for Charles and Edwin (Chedwin???), but I will put a disclaimer here that I will be pleased with whatever route their relationship takes. Because not every tale of unrequited queer love ends with a happily ever after, and the confession and the response from both Charles and Edwin was so beautiful and graceful that I can’t even be mad about it. So with that said, let’s talk about it.

Edwin and his case of suppressing his queer identity is blatant. He’s from the prim and proper era where queerness is so taboo that Edwin doesn’t even say “I’m not gay” but rather, “he is a boy and I’m a boy.” He’s likely spent all his existence not even knowing queer terms, but only that such things were unspoken and unacceptable. That it’s not even possible. However, he’s easily clockable and always has been. He is prissy and “unmanly” and is the spitting image of repression.

With that in mind, it makes it easy to overlook Charles. Who is a lot more modern compared to Edwin and less innocent (the handjob debacle), but we have to remember that he’s still pretty far removed from modern times. His story speaks to me in a way different from Edwin because in Edwin’s times, you simply did not speak of it. Charles is from the times of the front for gay liberation and the AIDS crisis (forgive me for not knowing much UK queer history), the point being that it was no longer hiding. But that means that it would be actively persecuted and snuffed out instead of swept under the rug. He’s an 80’s punk. You can’t tell me he doesn’t know anything.

His father reminds me of my own Uncle, who had three sons and thought a heavy hand was the best way to raise them. Now, all three of them are addicts in their 30’s with little accomplishments, but the story of my cousin is a sad one. His childhood could be summed up as a failure to “beat the gay” out of someone. I’d imagine Charles’ father would be quite similar. As of right now, we don’t have full reasons why Charles’ dad would beat his son so severely.

But aside from the idea that Charles would have had any gay beaten out of him, Charles was likely too caught up in his own survival to even consider the complexities of things like sexual orientation. It likely never crossed his mind. And it’s likely a sign of the times he was in, because while the 80’s are closer to now than the 1910’s, they still are far off in a progressive sense.

I’m curious to see the development of Charles in the next season, to see how he navigates these complexities, if at all.

[phinkslave]

haii , may I request yandere!sukuna X gender-neutral reader with the prompt 30 and 34 ? :3 -🎀

No Where to go

30. “I’m bigger, faster, stronger, do you really wanna do this right now?”

34. “Watch your tone.”

Okay guys i think im getting the hang of tumblr, once again any feedback is appreciated 💞. btw requests like this is fine ofcc, but i hope that in future requests, if you guys could please be a bit more specific, like idk if you want smut in this fic or not n so on so forgive me 😓💔. but anyway enjoyyy. (this writing stuff is lwk so hard)

warnings: detailed violence, described gore, implied oral sex, (yandere?) sukuna, degrading, language

Sukuna, The King of Curses, was also known as a heartless king. Mainly known for showing no mercy, killing without a second thought, no remorse or regret ever seen in his eyes. Choosing people to be his slave, choosing people to work for him, to slave around for him. Everyday these people would be killed, no one would be spared. Though y/n changed that.

__________________________________________

Today was the day. Today was the selection. Shibuya has been taken over by King Sukuna for about 3 months now, all hope lost. Each week he picks around 50 more people to serve him as he kills them so often. It seems to never be enough, and whatever he wants he gets. The only person to ever be tolerated by him was his loyal dog, Uraume, mainly known to be cooking Sukuna all his meals. She’s also the only one who calls King Sukuna, Master Sukuna. The only one he’ll ever truly trust.

“Do you wish for your death?.” It’s Uraume.

Her voice bringing me out of my thoughts, i quickly look around me seeing everyone in my single filed line has been bowed down as I remain standing. If looks could kill…i’d be dead.

“Forgive me Lady Uraume! I wasn’t thinking.” Quickly getting on the floor to pay my respects. My life is on the line.

“Hmph. You weaklings never do. If it was up to me, I would already have killed you. You’d clearly be of no use.” She continued to walk down your line, carefully observing everyone. Creating different piles, specified of either people of old age or ones who have disabilities. Who knew such a calm tone could make you tremble more than any angry voice could. Oh how I wish I was strong. I hate being weak…. .

After around 10 more minutes, with someone even being yelled at for apparently looking up for only 5 seconds, everyone was ordered to stand and we were being led to a huge building. As we walked, the groups of old people were pleading for their lives as everyone knew what was about to happen to them, i couldn’t help but shut out their depressing cries. This was all too much, we need help. Walking, everyone’s shackles connected to the person in front and the person behind. Controlling our pace, controlling our movement. Surely for how much longer can we really continue without dying? The closer you got to the building, the more you felt the amount of cursed energy pile up. I can’t do this. I would rather die than even enter the cursed energy fully. Not everyone could feel it since most of them are normal people, but us sorcerers, we couldn’t help but tremble. Knowing what was awaiting us.

__________________________________________

Approaching a large Hikone, giant double doors opened at once, energy flooding out, as I felt mine somewhat fade. This power? This amount?? How is this possible???

“Attention insects!” Uraumes voice boomed. Sucks she has a hideous personality, she’s actually really pretty. “You are now entering the presence of your Lord. King Sukuna. From here on out, you have no purpose in life. Your only purpose is to serve him, to accommodate all his needs. If he says to bring him an item, you will! If he says to end your life, whether with your bare hands or with a sword provided to you, you will! And with no hesitation. Now, pay your respects!” By the time Uraume was done, i along with everyone else was already on the floor, ‘paying their respects’.

“Look at me.” His voice, caused every single nerve that ran down ur back twitch. Everyone looked up, though no one dared to look into his eyes, some immediately crying and begging for their lives.

I look up. There he is. Some stupid smug grin on his face. He enjoys killing. He enjoys being a monster. He enjoys tormenting the weak.

“All of those who just spoke without my permission. Step up. Now.” Four people slowly stood up, their knees almost giving in. “Are u trying to fool me? Do you think I am some idiot? I have many eyes for fucks sake. Stand up.” Two more people stood, but as much as they tried to stay up, they kept falling.

Before you could even blink, all of their heads popped, their bodies falling on top of the still bowing people. Their blood splattered on your face. No one dared to move, no one dared to speak. I kept my position, wide eyed, feeling the blood droplets going down my cheek. I didn’t dare to lift my hand and wipe it from dripping down my lips.

“Disgusting brats, ruined my scarf. Uraume.”

“Yes Master Sukuna.”

“Get me a new scarf, and..” this time he spoke to us, “…take that side of the room. All you pathetic people. Stand up and follow her now.” They stood up, trembling, lining up behind Uraume. The shackles that once connected you all was suddenly just gone.

A man accidentally fell while standing up.

*POP*

His head……

__________________________________________

Everyone stayed bowing, no one dared to move. it’s been atleast 15 minutes since uraume has left and you just assumed that he was waiting on her to come back. Your back was aching. your wouldn’t risk your life just cuz of some back pain though, your stronger then that.

“Did it go smoothly Uraume?” Sukuna said with no care in his voice. Like he didn’t just murder 6 people in a heartbeat.

In total you would say there was about 37 people. Originally there was around 60 but canceling the elders, and the disabled….as well as the just killed people. Your numbers were going down.

“Yes Master Sukuna. We are checking for every health condition. For only the best possible is worthy to be at your service.” She said bowing to him.

“Good.” and for the first time in what felt forever, he turned his attention back towards you guys. “Stand up.” Everyone doing so as quickly as possible.

“Uruame. My scarf?”

“My apologies Master Sukuna. For i haven’t forgotten but they are making you one as we speak. I couldn’t have just given you an ordinary one, you deserve only the one of a kinds.”

“alright alright….now. Shall we begin.”

“As you wish dear Master.” As she said this, she blew into her hand, forming a long sharp rod of thick ice. Sort of like a katana. “As well known, your lord deserves only the best. We cannot have any of you weak species that aren’t physically appealing, at his service. For those of you who don’t please my master. Your death is awaiting you. Master Sukuna, I await your orders.”

“Everyone stand up straight and look at me.” After not even a few seconds he already pointed at someone, and in the same second his throat was pierced. His gasps for air terrified you all. “Hideous one he was.”

A girl spoke up, “Please, any mercy we beg—!”

Her throat was slit.

“Master Sukuna didn’t give you permission to speak.” Uraume said, venom lacing her tone.

Sukuna chuckled, “it’s a shame, she would have lived.”

__________________________________________

The next few minutes were torture. Each second felt like my death was next. For some reason I wasn’t as scared as the other people. Maybe because I had experience with this curse stuff, but it still didn’t make sense. Down to only 6 people now. Geez……he’s picky for someone who can quite literally have anyone he wants.

“Uruame. That’s all. Take them out of my sight and put them to work.” As he said this I looked up, accidentally meeting one of his four eyes, I looked down as soon as I realized. Praying he didn’t notice. “Take them all….and leave them.”

Now. Now you had some fear kicking in. Taking all his cursed energy in again, coming to the understanding of what his true power is once again.

“As you wish. Follow along.” She exited the room. Leaving you and Sukuna alone.

The room was dark, had some bright red ominous glow everywhere. The blood of the now dead bodies making everything darker. You were beneath a set of around 25 stairs, as Sukuna was in a huge throne at the top. Resting comfortably with his head in one of his four arms. You were standing there awkwardly. Standing in silence looking down, unsure of what to do. Dreading each coming second, each coming second facing the possibility of joining your once fellow friends on the floor.

“Why don’t your eyes meet mine as they did before?” He said, trying to imitate a voice of someone who’s actually interested. He’s toying with you. What a pathetic jerk. You immediately remembered, ‘when spoken to answer’, you had about 20 seconds to respond or he’d get upset. You immediately began to think.

“Forgive me my King. For I was not thinking.” Fuck. I just risked my life saying that. Geez i’m so stupid. If Uraume said that made her wanna kill me, why wouldn’t he..

“Well. You better start. This is the only warning you’ll get. Do i make myself clear? What is your name?”

“I understand my King. I am forever grateful. I am only known as the lords slave from here on out my king.” you tested your luck, bowing down.

“Pathetic. Don’t humiliate yourself. it’s pretty obvious you are trying to kiss my ass. i don’t appreciate it. hmmm. If you weren’t so amusing, i would have snapped your neck by now. Look at me.”

You looked up, he had a crazy look in his eyes.

“come up these stairs.”

You had half a minute to think. You could run, and be killed, or you can go up the stairs and be killed. What to do what to do what to do. Fuck, there was no right answer. Even if you ran right now, where would you go? He would catch you before you could even turn around fully……you slowly made your way up the stairs. Finally reaching him, staying a few steps below to stay humbled.

“If you do not listen to my exact orders next time. I will kill you. I said to come up these stairs, or do you have some sort of hearing issue?”

“My apologies…” you mumbled.

“Now tell me, do you feel the fullness of my energy?” He said all proud and cocky.

“I….I do my King.”

“Yet. You still dared to look me in the eyes. Out of the three months I have taken over. You are the only person who has yet to do that. How dare you?” His voice becoming dangerous in his last sentence.

“M-….My king….I am afraid i do not unders-“

-SLAP-

He slapped you. He slapped your right cheek. The hit was so hard you felt your right ear begin to ring. You were shocked.

“Hmm..no tears? Tough one huh. The average human specie would have had been knocked out by now.”

Feeling encouraged by his words you stood up, still holding your now red cheek though….”Thank you sincerely my lord. Your words mean a lot.”

-SLAP-

“what made you think you could speak?”

“…”

Next thing you know, he lifted his index finger and tapped your belly. That simple act causing so much force throughout your body, you fell at the bottom of the stairs. This time, your wrist broke. Sukuna stood up.

“You dare not answer me. You little brat, speak only when spoken to! How do you not know that much. Maybe I should end you. Worthless piece of crap.” Sukuna made his way down the stairs. A little confused himself but he didn’t show it. If you were anyone else by now he would have had them gone, but you. The constant fluctuation of fear and confidence in your eyes made him want to know more about you.

__________________________________________

He was making his way down. Fuck! I hate being weak so much. I have no time to think. This is it, i’ll be damned if my last words were me kissing ass to this monster.

“….fuck you…” you said almost non-audible. But of course if anyone could hear that, it would be Sukuna.

He stopped in his tracks. “excuse me..?”

“I said fuck you!” His pace to you became faster, “Your just a sick son of a bi—!”

His hands wrapped around your neck, not letting the full word come out. “Watch your tone. Do you not fear for your life?” He started laughing. “Maybe I will just watch the life leave your body, hmm?” he said smiling, his face extremely close to yours. He then let out an exaggerated sigh, “relax, I’m bigger, faster, stronger, do you really wanna do this right now? For your pathetic state can’t fight me right now. you don’t ever seem to use that tiny brain of yours do you?”

Your hands scratching and slapping any bit of skin it could come in contact with, clearly showing your resistance being futile.

“Though, i can’t kill you yet.” His lands leaving your neck, allowing you to drop and gasp for air like a fish out of water. He looked down at you, “To bad, deal with me longer. I enjoy this. Been a while since someone had the guts to face me.”

He sighed, “I will give you a couple of minutes to rest. Then after that we will spar. If you land one hit on me, i shall let you leave and live as u please. If you can not….lets just say i’ll give you pain. For i don’t know why you think you are so worthy of speaking to me however you like.”

You were just listening as you tried to control your breath. “I refuse to be your play thing. Kill me now.”

He scratched his head, “Well now that that you said that, i don’t wanna kill you.” He boomed laughter, “I really like you, your a few hierarchies below Uraume, but that’s still a lot.” His expression became one of a cold killers all of a sudden. “Now, stand.”

You thought for a second. “My king…if i may….”

“Hmm, all quiet now are we? just a second ago you were using such filthy language. For such a beautiful face like yours, your mouth should know nothing but decency. What is it you please to say?”

“King Sukuna…my wrist is in immense pain, i am at a big enough disadvantage already. For i don’t think it will do me any good sparring with a broken wrist, i need more then a few minutes my king.”

“Fine. As you wish. Heal or don’t, my order of our fight has been decided.”

He stared at you a little longer. He stared at you, making you feel nasty, making you feel gross. He walked up to you and started pushing you down on your knees by your shoulders. You felt his eyes roam your body.

“I will heal your wrist. But first, you need to be punished for that naughty little mouth of yours…”

“please….“

“Let’s make this quick. Gonna teach you a lesson yeah?”

[hiddenwritingsintheworld]

Cruel Summer Chapter 1 (Chris Evans x Actress/Singer!Reader)

(Okay, So Ive been away for a hot minute. And I've been through quite a bit. But I got inspired to write this and I hope yall love it!! Couple of things. 1.) Taylor Swift doesnt exist in this series, the reader is like taylor swift! 2) dont come for me, I've been chewing on this idea for a few months now lol. 3.) Im almost done with chapter 1 of My Alpha, I know I've gotten some messages about that!! Also, half way through chapter 2 of Midnight rain ;) Enjoy! Let me know your thoughts on this!! love you guys!!!)

Thoughts? Suggestions? General opinion wanted here!!!!!

You’d be delusional to think that he wanted anything more than hookups with you. Being a movie star was hard enough to make a “normal” life ...falling in love with your co-star though...that made everything even worse. That’s what led you to becoming a world famous pop star, releasing smash hit after smash hit. Your smile; when up on that stage, tens of thousands of fans screaming your songs as you sang them, standing ovations, tears of happiness, excitement, thrill, it all made that heartache ease just a little bit. But not all the way. 

“Tonight is a HUGE night, I can’t believe you’re going to announce another album. I’m in awe, really I am.” Your mom said, grabbing your shoulders and looking at you in the mirror of the room you were currently using backstage. “Mom, thanks so much for traveling with me during this tour. It means so much to me.” you smiled softly at her, “especially after everything I’ve been through recently. Wanna know the surprise songs tonight? Or just be surprised like everyone else?” you asked with a soft laugh. 

Your mom and dad were your biggest and best fans you could have ever asked for. Even during the worst time of your life, you’d had your parents support when changing careers. “Awe, let me be surprised like everyone else dear. Your cue is up….come on,” she gave you a big hug and kissed your cheek. “You’re going to be amazing, just like every other night” she beamed before walking out of your dressing room. 

You stared in the mirror, touching up your red lipstick before turning around and walking out. Your bejeweled bodysuit in the colors of your most favorite album you’d put out, pinks and blues. You smiled at the stage crew and everyone working behind the scenes as you walked with your assistant. “Another great sold out crowd out there, the VIP tent is dead center, lots of celebrities are here tonight too.” She smiled before you walked away standing on your mark. 

Listening to the entrance music you’d had custom made, caused the memories to flood your mind. 

You looked over at him grinning as you both reached for a piece of popcorn. “Soooo I thought you wanted to do something else when you asked me to come to your hotel room 10:30 at night.” you smirked as he laughed, throwing his head back. “While yes, I’d love to do that too….I figured it would be nice to watch a movie or two, enjoy a snack and relax together too. I ordered some wine and chocolate covered strawberries too.” he said leaning closer to you, as you bit your lip leaning into him, letting his lips brush yours. The next thing you knew, he had you pinned to the bed, popcorn littering the floor as he kissed down your neck, slowly pushing your shirt off and attacking your chest. 

“Ready? Have fun!!” Your assistant shouted over the music and screaming fans as the platform started to bring you up from under the stage. You plastered a grin on your lips and got in your stance with your mic. 

The moment your back up dancers pulled back the large fabric fans to reveal you, you began to sing one of your songs. The roar of screams, cheers and cries erupted throughout the entire stadium as you came into sight for everyone. The platform continued to rise as you sang, smiling at everyone. 

“It's you and me, that's my whole world

They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl"

Oh, I just thought you should know (you should know)

It's you and me, there's nothing like this (like this)

Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince (okay)

We're so sad, we paint the town blue (paint it blue)

Voted most likely to run away with you.” 

The music ended as everyone cheered even louder and you laughed softly, the platform lowering back to the mainstage level; you grinned as the next song began instantly. You loved performing for a crowd, they never made you feel like you weren’t worth the love and attention. You strut toward the front of the stage, beginning to sing the bridge, along with the crowd, when a sight almost threw you off your performance. He stood there in the VIP tent with a cold beer in one hand, his other arm around the shoulders of a petite brunette. 

“I'm drunk in the back of the car

And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (oh)

Said, "I'm fine, " but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh)

And I screamed for whatever it's worth

"I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

He looks up grinning like a devil” 

You belt out the bridge, the crowd screaming louder toward the end. You tried to not to look at the VIP tent, the urge to see him again, standing there happy with some other girl, you danced around, happily grinning at the crowd, encouraging them to sing along. You finally took a break, smiling wide as everyone clapped and cheered. “Hi!” you said cheerfully. “My name is Y/N and welcome to The Eras Tour,” you grinned as the stadium erupted again. 

“I just want to say thank you to everyone who is here tonight and I hope that I don’t disappoint. I usually perform only two surprise songs a night, however, I’m feeling…fun tonight, so I want to add another song to the list for you all. It’s one that I don't usually perform live. But, I hope you enjoy it.” you smiled as the platform rose and you looked around, the soft jazz music starting as loud cheers erupted. You couldn't stop the smile that landed on your face as you began to sing. 

“We were crazy to think

Crazy to think that this could work

Remember how I said I'd die for you?

We were stupid to jump

In the ocean separating us

Remember how I'd fly to you?

And I can't talk to you when you're like this

Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town

I'm New York City

I still do it for you, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith

Blind faith” 

You smiled looking around, your eyes landed on him again, he had a look in his eyes, just like how he used to look at you, hunger and desperation for your touch. You put your lips back up to the microphone and made eye contact with him again. 

“But we might just get away with it

Religion's in your lips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship

We might just get away with it

The altar is my hips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship this love

We'd still worship this love

We'd still worship this love

I know heaven's a thing

I go there when you touch me

Honey hell is when I fight with you” 

You didn’t mean to stare for so long, but the way he looked at you, watching your body move. You wanted to jump off stage and run into his arms again, kissing him, telling him how in love with him you still were, even after the three years that had passed. You felt a tightness in your chest when the girl turned and kissed his neck, and began to dance with him. 

You finished the song not soon after and took a small bow as everyone screamed out. You stood still smiling as the platform began to lower, before diving off to get changed. “I need a minute,” you said as your assistant came up to you. She looked slightly confused as they began to help you into your next outfit. How were you going to continue this concert with him staring at you? You didn’t think you could do it honestly. 

“I can’t believe you changed the set list, We’re going to have to cut one of the surprise songs.” You looked at her. “No we can’t but we are changing them tonight.” you said as they did up the back of your dress. “What?! Why!” she gasped. “Chris is here,” you said looking at her as her face fell. “With some girl.” she sighed putting a hand on her head “Jesus fucking Christ……okay. Tell me what you need.” you looked at her again as tears filled your eyes. “I need a fucking minute.” you grabbed the new mic rushing off.

[thegirlamongthestars]

game for two - c. alcaraz

author's note: this fic is part of olympic love series and could be considered the continuation of work for it

summary: Along the olympic experience, Valeria and Carlos's flirtation turns into a thrilling game of wits, where each moment together pushes them closer to crossing the friendship line. Who will win this irresistible game?

wc: 1,1k

warnings: kind of suggestive language

This past two days were as busy as ever. Emma and I played our first match and fortunately, we won it comfortably. After that, the trainings haven’t stopped; demanding more physically every time. Another thing that hadn’t stopped were the meetings with other Spanish athletes with which we had formed a very united group.

“The Olympians” is how we named the group chat.

We really enjoyed our time together, hanging at night and playing cards or just talking. Carlos was part of that group and due to the forced proximity (that’s how I lied to myself) I haven’t been able to keep him of my mind. It’s been three days now since our first encounter and our relationship has obviously evolved into a friendship (with a lot of flirting included, according to Emma). In short, we weren’t strangers to each other anymore.

This morning was one of those where I just wanted to have breakfast by myself and get lost in my thoughts. So there I was, 7:30 in the morning, already at the dining hall. I was in front of the fruit bowls when someone placed his tray on the counter slightly hitting mine.

I didn’t need to look up to know it was Carlos—his energy (and the delicious smell of his cologne) was unmistakable.

He glued to my side pretending to ponder over the food options on the display cabinet “Is it a requirement for world champions to get up this early?”

“Some of us wake up with low social battery and like dodging unwanted attention in the early hours of the morning” a faked indifferent tone scaped my mouth. Mentally, I was celebrating his presence.

Carlos laughed and leaned even closer, lowering his voice just for me. I could feel his honey-colored eyes piercing me. “Unwanted? I’m starting to think you’re secretly enjoying this attention”

“Not even in your best dreams”

 I finally looked up, matching his gaze in intensity, to listen to his answer “You’ll be surprised”

His response was elegant, but I definitely knew what he meant by the look he was offering me. He surprisingly left me speachless. He headed to a table to start having breakfast and I was the one following him like a puppy now.

“Why do you think that?” I went back to his first statement. Was I that obvious about liking his attention?

Carlos leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms with a confident ease that almost made me choke on a strawberry. “Because you’re still here, and you haven’t told me to leave. You could’ve picked any table, Valeria, but you chose this one. I think that says more than you’re willing to admit”

“You’re getting bolder by the day, aren’t you?”

“Just trying to get the truth out of your mouth” he replied smoothly, leaning forward again and prompting himself with his elbows to get our faces closer.

I copied his action and our closeness allowed me to notice how his eyes were focusing on my lips. Inevitably, I did the same and it was the first time I realized how badly I wanted to kiss him. “What if I said you were right?”

Carlos’s playful grin softened slightly, his voice dropping as he replied. “Then I’d say I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

My heart quickened, but I wasn’t about to let him see how much his presence affected me—not yet. I leaned back in my chair, putting just enough distance between us to regain my composure, though I could still feel the heat from where our faces had been inches apart.

“Same page, huh?” I tilted my head, my voice teasing, daring him to keep going. “Maybe I’m just playing along to see how far you’ll go.”

Carlos’s grin widened, clearly enjoying the challenge. “If that’s the case, I’d say you’re enjoying the game a little too much. But don’t worry, I’m more than willing to keep playing until you show your hand.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his confidence, a sound that seemed to surprise even me. “You think I’m that easy to read?

His eyes gleamed with something that made my stomach flip. “Oh, I know you’re not easy. But that’s what makes this fun, Valeria.”

There was a charged silence between us, a tension crackling in the air that made my pulse race.

Carlos leaned forward again, his voice a low murmur that sent shivers down my spine.  “How about this—we keep playing our little game, but with a twist. Every time one of us wins a challenge we impose, we get to make a demand of the other. Something that pushes the boundaries a little further each time.”

“Deal,” I said, my voice steady even though my heart was racing. “But don’t expect me to make it easy for you.”

“Wouldn’t want it any other way,” his eyes flashed with something dark and tempting, and before I knew it, he was even closer, his breath warm against my cheek. “But just know, Valeria—I play to win.”

My heart pounded so loudly I was sure he could hear it, and I knew I was teetering on the edge of something big, something I couldn’t come back from. But damn it, I wanted to jump.

“Winning isn’t everything,” I said not backing even an inch, I could almost taste the anticipation hanging in the air. “Sometimes the fun is in the chase.”

Carlos’s hand moved to my cheek, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through me. His thumb brushed lightly over my skin, and I could feel the intensity of his gaze as he studied my face, as if committing every detail to memory. “Careful what you wish for, Valeria,” he said softly, his voice dripping with desire.

The tingling in my belly intensified, spreading like wildfire through my veins. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out, how much longer I could keep pretending I didn’t want this as badly as he did. But I wasn’t ready to let him have all the control just yet.

“Why? Afraid you might like where this leads?” I teased, my voice shaky but bold.

Carlos’s eyes darkened with determination, and I knew I had pushed him just enough. “Not afraid,” he said, his voice firm and steady. “Excited.”

[canadianfangirl-95]

Benny Miller- Sugar Daddy edition

Chapter Two!

Summary: Your gym crush becomes unmanageable when he is suddenly thrust upon you as your new boxing trainer. After a drunken hook up at a night club opening, you begin to explore your feelings as you continue to learn new and exciting things about him.

About: Continuation of the sugar daddies AU Triple Frontier collection.

Characters- Kayla and Tasha are undescribed, so you can imagine them as your own friend group.

Chapter Warning: 18 + minors, DNI, age difference, reader is early 20s, Benny is late 30s, swearing, manipulative and toxic ex described, description of smut through memory

Chapter Word Count: 5k+

Light filtered into your bedroom, and you startled awake at the sound of something falling in the kitchen. You rubbed your throbbing head and pried your tired eyes open. They widened when you found Benny lying peacefully beside you, the events of last night quickly returning to your hungover head. Though, looking down at your naked form under the sheets, you have the feeling you may be forgetting something.

“Shit-,” you muttered to yourself as you racked your brain for more memories before realizing he was stirring. One eye peaking open to find you propped up on your elbows staring at him.

His mouth stretched into a grin, “Mornin’.”

You pulled your lips tight, “Morning, did you uh- did you sleep okay?” you asked, settling yourself back into the bed beside him.

He slid onto his side to face you, “Felt good while I was asleep, now not so much. How much tequila did we have last night?”

You nodded, his head must feel about as good as yours does right now, “A little more than doctor recommended I would say.”

Benny smirked, “Ah well, all in the name of a good night I guess.” He pulled his hand up and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

Looking slightly bashful, you asked, “You had a good night then? With me I mean?” You pulled the covers closer to your chin in an effort to not feel as physically vulnerable as you were emotional right now.

“Of course,” he said with a smile. “I had a great time; I’d like to do it again sometime. But maybe after I actually take you out first.”

Your heart skipped a beat, “Really? You wanna go out, like on a date?” Your face looked skeptical, unsure how this could be true.

He nodded, “Yeah, I mean-,” He propped himself up to look down at you, his face turning more into a worried look as he met your gaze, “If you’d want that. I know I’m older than you so I don’t know if that’s something you’d actually be interested in but-,”

“I’d love to.” You said, this time interrupting his self-deprecation. 

He huffed out a little chuckle, “Alright well then, what are you doing tomorrow?”

You thought to yourself, “Um, nothing other than a study group from 1-3.”

“Okay well, do you wanna grab some dinner then? I know a great taco place if that’s your thing.” His eyes beamed with excitement; you couldn’t believe you ever doubted this man’s interest in you. He looked like you held the sun and stars in your hands.

Nodding you replied, “Yeah, yeah I’d like that a lot.” You leaned in and met his lips with a sweet kiss. “Um-, I’m just gonna go make a coffee. Feel free to stay if you want.”

Benny grinned, “I’d love to, but I should get going. My brother is probably wondering where I am. I’m just gonna order an uber and check my emails in here if that’s okay?” he asked, squeezing your thigh under the covers.

You nodded and dragged yourself from his clutches to throw on a t-shirt and sleep shorts before pulling the door open just a crack and slipping out.

Your head still pounded as your eyes adjusted to the lighting of the hallway. Rubbing your eyes you strode into the kitchen to suddenly halt at the sight of Kayla and Tasha sitting eagerly at the kitchen island with giant grins on their faces.

“Morning you little slut you.” Kayla squealed.

Rolling your eyes you waved them off and headed towards the cabinet to pull out your U of Kentucky mug. “Will you be quiet?” you whispered.

Tasha’s mouth gapped, “Is he still here?” She peered back into the hallway as if she would catch a glimpse of his naked form right there.

You finished preparing your coffee and snuck a look as well, “Yes, he’s still here. But he’ll be out of there soon so please be cool. Don’t make it weird.”

Kayla huffed, “Weirder than it’s gonna be on Monday when you have training with him? Just days after your one-night stand.”

“Actually, it won’t be days after our one-night stand. It will be the day after our dinner date.” You stated, smiling into your coffee mug as they expressed their shocked faces.

Kayla smacked your arm, “He asked you out?”

You grinned and nodded.

“How was he?” Tasha leaned in and asked.

“Ou, yeah I wanna know too.” Kayla pressed.

You looked back at the hallway again before lowering your voice, “Okay, listen. I was very drunk off tequila last night, so I am going to be perfectly honest here.” They sat waiting eagerly, “I don’t actually remember much of it.”

Kaylas eyes bugged, “Seriously? You don’t remember?”

Shrugging you replied, “I remember kissing on the dance floor, kissing in the cab, kissing in the hallway, kissing in the kitchen-,”

“Damn, how sore is your jaw?” Tasha quipped.

You looked up in thought, “Kind of sore, I’m gonna be honest with that one. But I don’t know I woke up naked, so I guess we must’ve hooked up.”

They looked between each other with skeptical eyes, “But, just give me a few hours I’m sure more of it will come back to me.” You chewed the inside of your cheek nervously.

“So are you gonna ask him about-,” Kayla started but quickly shut up as the sound of your bedroom door creaked open. The three of you halting in place as if a bear was creeping down the hall and you didn’t want to spook it.

Benny was dressed in his clothes from the night before, hair tossed in every direction and hallow eyes from the last night. He spotted the three of you doing your best to be casual and smirked, “Mornin’ ladies.”

“Mm, morning.” Tasha said into her mug.

“Sup playa?” Kayla jousted at him, leaning on the counter. He met her eyes and chuckled.

“How’s it going Kayla? Sorry I stole your girl from you last night.” he asked, tucking his hands into his pockets.

She grinned, “I don’t know, kinda ruined our night out Benny boy. Might need to get in the ring with you this week and let out my frustrations.”

You swatted Kaylas arm, she responded with a dramatic “ouch”. “Is your Uber gonna be here soon?” You asked casually.

He nodded, “Yeah it’s almost here, was gonna head down.”

“Okay, I’ll see you out.” You say, setting your mug down and walking to the door.

Benny pulled his hands out of his pockets and gave a sheepish wave, “Alright well, uh, bye then.”

Kayla and Tasha mewled their goodbyes and watched as the two of you exited through the front door.

Once on the other side you met his awkward stance, “So, I don’t actually have your number.”

“Oh shit, yeah right.” He said, pulling out his phone and giving it to you. You texted your phone number and handed it back to him. “So, uh- how’s 7 tomorrow? I can pick you up.”

You smiled, “Yeah that sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

He nodded and started down the hallway before turning his body to speak, “By the way, I really did have a great time last night. I’ll be thinking about that for a very long time.” He said before continuing down the hallway.

You froze in your spot, at least one of us will.

Throughout the rest of the day and the next, your brain fluttered. Flashes of Friday night came in and out. You heard moans permeate your ears as you visualized skin on skin. Feigned images of Bennys body on top of you, rocking into you and kissing your breasts made your core ache. You couldn’t get the whole picture by any means, but from what you did remember, and from what Benny said as he left, you could piece together that it was in fact an enjoyable night together. You were now hoping you would get the opportunity to actually enjoy it, should you ever get the chance again.

Sunday night at 6:55pm, you waited eagerly by the door checking your phone. Your foot tapped repeatedly, and your nerves grew as the clock ticked on.  Tasha and Kayla had gone out to eat a while ago, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Your phone flashed and a message from Benny popped up stating he was here. Collecting your purse, you took one final deep breath and left your apartment.

What you found in the parking lot was not what you expected. Benny was standing waiting for you, leaning against a bright red Ferrari, and waving you over.

You walked up to him and halted, analyzing the luxury vehicle. “Hey Benny, how are you?”

He smiled and leaned in to plant a kiss on your cheek, “A whole lot better now that you’re here. Ready to go?”

“Yeah, uh, Benny? Is this yours?” You asked, drawing your eyebrows inward.

Benny looked down at the car as he began to round it to the driver’s seat, “Yeah this is mine. You like it? Always wanted one growing up.”

Sliding into the passenger seat your mouth gapped, “Yeah, it’s awesome. I just, I thought you were a trainer at the gym how-,” You started to say but your thoughts consumed you as you looked around the beautiful interior. Benny had started to pull away onto the main road. He watched your face as the wheels began to turn. “Aren’t you a trainer?” You ask, confused.

He smiled, “Well, I do train, but just for fun. Technically however, I’m the owner.”

Your eyes widened, “The owner? Isn’t it a big franchise, I-. Benny?” He hummed in response, awaiting your question. “What’s your last name?”

“Miller.” He said matter-of-factly. His smile grew, he clearly knew what you were getting at but was enjoying your face as you put the pieces together,

Mouth stuck in a permanent shocked look you asked, “Miller? Do you OWN Miller’s Muscles? As in the whole franchise?”

He grinned, “I’m sorry Bunny, I didn’t mean to hide it from you. I just don’t like to start with that kind of stuff. Don’t typically get interest from the best kind of women when I boast about it you know?”

You nodded, that makes sense. But holy shit were you in it now. Not only was he nice and funny, but also a millionaire. Your nerves started to creep in again and you started wondering once again what someone like him would want with you. You remained quiet for the rest of the drive to the restaurant. Benny stole worried glances at you the entire time.

Once seated inside, you looked around. A casual spot with lots of wood finishes and a Spanish theme. The booths were red and had a low hanging pendant light above them. The waitress took your drink orders and left. You had been quiet almost the entire time still, your head spinning with the new information about your date, who looked at you with the most devastating puppy dog eyes you’ve ever seen.

“Hey,” Benny started, “what’s going on in that pretty head of yours? Is everything okay?”

You wrang your hands together and breathed deeply out your nostrils. “I’m sorry Benny, I know I’ve been quiet. I’m just nervous.”

“About what?”

“About, you liking me. With all things considered.” You looked down at your hands, the thought of looking into those eyes killing you.

He leaned back in his seat, “What things?”

You squeezed your eyes tight and felt your resolve break. “Oh, you know, you being rich and handsome, and nice and funny and me being well. Me.” You finally looked up to him and his eyes were soft, “I just don’t really understand, I guess. Why you would want to go out with a college girl that can barely take care of herself.”

Benny straightened up and replied, “Well, it’s probably because that college girl happens to also be nice, and funny and beautiful and well, I don’t know much about your financial situation but, that really doesn’t bother me. You could work at Walmart, and I wouldn’t care.”

You chuckled lightly, nodding along with what he was saying.

He looked you up and down, “Why are you so hard on yourself?”

There it is, why were you so hard on yourself. You knew why, of course. That was no mystery thanks to your no-good ex, Mike. But was now the time to dive into all that? It didn’t seem like there was much other choice with the way Benny was looking at you, awaiting your answer.

“Um, I-, I know I’m hard on myself and I’m working on that. It’s one of the reasons I got into boxing.”

“You told me you just found the machines boring.” He spoke.

You nodded and pulled your lips tight, “Yeah, that might have been a lie. But in my defense, it didn’t feel like the right time to trauma dump all over the boxing mat.” He nodded and waited for you to continue. “In all honesty though, I got into it because I needed to work on my self-confidence and overall strength. Not just body but mind as well. You see, my ex, Mike. He uh- he was very toxic to me. He always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. He would put me down a lot and then build me up just to pull the rug out from under me.”

Benny leaned forward and took one of your hands in his. His comfort gave you the courage you needed to press on. “We broke up because, 5 months ago he actually cheated on me, and then basically blamed it on me in his own twisted way. Mostly me not trying hard enough or whatever, it was all bullshit. I’ll be damned though if I didn’t believe him for longer than I care to admit. But I finally figured out that what was happening was wrong and I got out. Mostly thanks to Kayla. It’s still taking me some time to get out of that head space though.”

“I’m sorry you went through that; he sounds like a piece of shit.” Benny stated.

You huffed out a slight laugh, “Yeah, you’re right about that.”

He grinned, “I would say I’d beat him up for you if he ever came back but based on how well you did this last week at training, I’d say you probably have that covered.”

You smiled, “Technically Kayla has dibs on that first round.”

Benny laughed, “Well, in all seriousness though. You seem like a pretty amazing person and I’m sorry that you ever felt like you weren’t.” He leaned in and kissed your knuckle of the hand he was holding. “I promise I will never make you feel that way.”

Your heart swelled, “Thanks, Benny. I appreciate that.”

The waitress returned with your drinks. She was a tall blonde with a fit body and a tight uniform on. She leaned closely into Benny with his drink and flashed him bright smiles throughout the food orders. Benny on the other hand, kept his eyes burning on you. Scanning every inch of your face, as if you’ll disappear and he would only have his memory left.

Once the waitress left, Benny leaned with his forearms on the table. “So, you haven’t told me what you’re in school for?”

You took a sip from your drink before replying, “Marketing.”

His eyebrows perked up, “Oh, nice. What kind of field are you hoping to work in with that?”

“I think the medical field, like a pharmaceutical sales rep to start and learn the business.”

He nodded before you continued, “I’m assuming you were in the army at some point, solely based on your tattoo and shirts you’ve worn to the gym.”

Bennys face grew damper, “Yeah, yeah, I was. I enlisted right out of high school. Got out a while ago though. That stage of my life is closed and I’m happy about it.”

His face didn’t look happy as he spoke, but maybe that happiness was deeper than surface level. You figured it would be best not to pry and allow whatever it is to come up when he was ready.

The rest of the date was flawless. His boyish charm made you laugh until you felt like you were going to cry. It wasn’t until you were standing outside your apartment door with him that you realized just how fast the evening had gone. You both shifted on your feet, unsure how to end the evening. Was a hug too casual? Was asking him inside too forward? You had already slept together and now you’re on your first date. Could you really take it slow now?

You batted your lashes at him as you both pondered what to do, Benny finally reaching out and holding your elbow. “I had a great time, again. Thanks for letting me take you out. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

His eyes were hopeful, not lustful. It seemed like you were able to fall back into the first date feeling. “I had a great time too. I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

Benny nodded, and then leaned in. His lips met yours with a softness unlike anything from the other night. For such a big and boisterous guy, he had such a gentle touch when he wanted to. Your lips fell apart and immediately into a smile. You said your goodbyes and retreated into your apartment, swiftly clutching your heart and leaning against the door as soon as it closed, overwhelmed by the warmth this man had brought into your body.

Monday afternoons session had you buzzing with excitement. Kayla rolled her eyes as you grinned to yourself, taping up your hands.

“Will you stop acting like a lovesick puppy?” she snidely said.

Your mouth gapped, “First you want me to talk to him, now I’m a lovesick puppy?”

“Noo, I wanted you to bang him. Very different.” She said pointedly, all humor behind her tone.

“Don’t be jealous it is unbecoming on you.” You jousted, earning yourself a swat through the ropes to your ankle.

Benny entered the gym and immediately lit up when you waved at him. He returned it eagerly and did a light jog over to the ring. He tossed his bag through and climbed up, grabbing you into a bear hug before you could protest. “Hey Bunny, how was your day?”

You grinned from ear to ear, “It was good, long classes but was still good. How about you?”

He put together his training gear and answered, “Always a good day when I know I get to see you at the end of it.”

Your cheeks flushed and your heartbeat quickened. An obnoxious groan erupted from the floor below you by an unamused Kayla.

Benny met you in the middle of the ring, “Now, don’t expect me to be easy on you now. I’m still your trainer and I have to push you as much as I would with anyone else.”

You nodded, understanding. But he still shot you a flirtatious smile and wink which had your cheeks warming. 

It was Tuesday evening and your phone pinged with Bennys name on the screen;

Hey Bunny, wanna hang out on Saturday? I was thinking we could go to the Farmer’s Market 😊

You bit the inside of your cheek and replied; Sorry I have to work at the student center this weekend. I guess I forgot to mention I do that every other weekend to pay for rent.

The phone in your hand felt heavier than normal as you waited for his response. The little typing bubbles soon arrived and replied.

Booo, can you get out of it? I really wanna take you.

Your smile grew a bit at his eagerness, but fell anyway due to the situation, knowing you would have to turn down the handsome man begging to walk around a market with you on a beautiful Spring day.

I’m sorry, I could get out of it, but I need the pay. Maybe we could hang out in the evening?

His response startled you.

What’s your e-tranfser info?

You were taken aback and confused. Why did he need that? You responded with your info anyway and sat down on the couch contemplating the situation.

A notification came on your banking app that you received an e-transfer. You pulled it up and your mouth gapped as $1000 had been sent to you by a B.MillersMuscles.

Before you could comprehend what happened, your phone pinged again.

Can you come now?

Your head spun and your fingers shook. The guy you had been on one date with just sent you $1000. What kind of relationship did you get yourself into? You knew he was rich, he could clearly afford it, but that didn’t make the situation any less familiar to you. Again, you found yourself begging your withered self-confidence to take a leap and accept the love of someone who was giving an honest try.

You typed your response and pressed send before re-reading it, so you couldn’t back out of your decision.

You make a good argument Benny, sounds like a date 😉

Saturday morning was beautiful. The sun shone and the birds chirped, and you could barely feel your feet touching the wood floors as you sauntered into the kitchen to make yourself breakfast before your day out with Benny. Yesterday was your final lesson with Benny before Carlos returned. You were sad you would be giving up him as a teacher, you felt like you had never been more motivated to tone your skills than when you were with him. Your semester would be ending in the next couple of weeks and then you would be job hunting for the summer, deciding to stay in town rather than go back home as your hometown did not have the kind of marketing opportunities you could find in the big city.

Kayla and Tasha were lounging in the living room when you strode in with a cheery good morning to start your cup of coffee.

Tasha was mindlessly scrolling her phone when she suddenly perked up from her laid down spot on the couch, “Did you send me this month’s rent already?”

You chewed your cheek again and finished pouring your coffee cup. “Yeah, I did last night.”

“You’re early. You’re never early. Did you get an advance from the student center for your shift today?”

Gulping your coffee loudly you replied, “Um-, actually no I’m not going to the student center today I have plans with Benny.”

Kaylas interest was peaked, “So how did you get the money? Your grandparents?”

You had neglected to tell them about Benny’s financial situation as you didn’t want any questions on the matter, but it seemed it may be unavoidable after all. “No, I just. Benny gave me some money. It’s not big deal.” You spoke to yourself more than anyone else, trying to distract yourself with the coffee steaming in your hands.

Tasha’s eyes squinted, “He gave you money? Isn’t he a trainer?”

You hummed, “Um- huh funny story actually he uh-, he doesn’t work for the gym. He actually owns it.” You did your best to sound casual and humorous.

Kayla’s eyes widened and she launched herself out of her seated position in the bright red circle chair in the corner of the room, “You have a sugar Daddy?! You bitch you didn’t tell us he’s rich!”

In an instant she was on you, grabbing you by the waist and hurling you up in the air as she spun you with her glee. You stared at the liquid gold in your hand trying not to spill during her excited reaction.

You patted her shoulder and hushed her, “Shhh, he is not a sugar Daddy-,”

“But he gave you money.” She interrupted.

You nodded, “Yes, but-,”

“And he’s older than you, like a lot older.”

Taking a deep breath through your nose you replied, “Yes, but it’s not like that I swear. He really wanted to hang out today and I couldn’t, so he helped me out. I swear it is a one-time thing.”

Kayla gave a knowing look to Tasha who threw her hands up, conceding the situation.

The Farmer’s Market was bustling with lots of people enjoying the day. You and Benny strode hand in hand as you looked through all the vendors and food carts. You finally settled on some freshly made cinnamon rolls for lunch and seated yourselves under a beautiful maple tree on one of the many picnic tables in the area.

“How’s your exam prep going?” Benny asked, licking the icing off his hand that had fallen.

You smiled, “Good, I think I’ve got it all figured out. Can’t wait to be done this semester though. I had some tough teachers.”

He nodded, “Any big plans for the end of the semester to celebrate?”

“No, I don’t think so at least, just job hunting.” You shrugged.

Benny sat up straighter and replied, “What? You’ve gotta do something to celebrate! You worked your ass off you deserve it.”

Blushing you replied, “I guess. I don’t know, maybe we could go downtown again, minus the Tequila of course.” You laughed and pointed at him.

“Hey, don’t blame the Tequila, the Tequila did nothing wrong. But no, you need to do something big like- like-, oh I’ve got it!”

You jumped in your seat at his excitement.

“The Kentucky Derby is in a few weeks. I should get us a box and we can do that. I’ve heard it’s amazing, but I haven’t gone yet since I moved here.”

“Yeah, I mean Benny that sounds incredible I’ve always wanted to go, but uh-, it’s pretty fancy, isn’t it?” You asked, looking down at the old wood below you.

Benny waved his hands casually while finishing chewing his last bite of his cinnamon roll. “No problem, I’ve got it. Oh!” His eyes widened and his smile grew, “Let’s go shopping, right now, my treat.”

“Right now?” You asked, your face turning pale.

“Yeah, right now. You’re busy with finals this week and I have to go to Texas at the end of the month to see my buddy, Frankie. He just got engaged so I’m gonna go and congratulate him in person and meet the blushing bride of course. I think she used to be his daughter’s teacher. So yeah, the next few weeks before the Derby will be pretty busy, but we have all afternoon today so, why not?”

His smile was infatuating, you couldn’t possibly resist an afternoon of Benny treating you to a shopping spree and a luxurious day at the Derby. You smiled, “Fuck it, let’s do it!”

He clapped his hands together with excitement and you both collected your things to leave.

You and Benny found yourselves in the most beautiful store you’ve ever seen. It had white walls with marble floors. The accents were all gold and black creating a luxurious aesthetic. Benny sat patiently on a large cream pouf ottoman holding a glass of champagne.

“Come on Bunny, I wanna see.”

You looked in the mirror, not recognizing yourself. The sales associate had put together three outfits for you, all with shoes and a fascinator to match. You had never worn anything as expensive as this, the price tag almost made you sick. Benny assured you after about 20 minutes of following him around the store, pleading your case that you didn’t need anything like this, that it was all fine and he could take care of it. You finally conceded thanks to that shit eating grin that adorned his face the majority of the time you spoke to him.  

You threw the curtain open of the dressing room and strode out, Bennys eyes widened and his mouth gapped when he saw you. Your first look was a yellow cocktail dress with gold accents. The sales associate had matched it with strappy heels with white and gold and a white fascinator.

“Holy shit, you look beautiful.” Benny said, taking in the entire look you have presented for him.

You fussed with the hem of the skirt, looking up to meet his gaze. “Really? Thanks Benny.”

He nodded, “Oh yeah, this colour is beautiful on you. But I’d love to see the others also, before we make a decision.”

“Oh of course, I do like this one though.” You blushed and he smiled. Spending time with Benny just felt like hanging out with your best friend. It was so easy and effortless to talk with him and he was the world’s biggest hype girl.

You returned to your dressing room, only to come back and agree that the bright mint dress was definitely not for you.

A few minutes later, Bennys mouth fell to his chest as you strut out in a black A-line dress that rested mid-thigh, with an off the shoulder sweetheart neckline and black heels. Benny rose from his seat and met you halfway, his hands finding their place on your bare shoulders. The fascinator upon your head was black with touches of gold. You shivered under his touch and felt yourself warming in your core. He looked you up and down before finally choking out his words.

“I-, uh, this is the one. This is-, you are perfect.”

You swallowed deeply, meeting his intense eye contact, you whispered. “Thanks.”

His eyes flicked down to your lips and leaned in. You met him in the middle, tilting your head slightly to catch his plush lips with yours. His hands travelled down your arms to finally settle on your own, taking them in his and squeezing.

You and Benny pulled apart softly and looked at one another, everything that needed to be said held lustfully in each other’s gazes. After spending what seemed like eternity staring quietly at one another, a sound came from behind his shoulder that broke you both out of your trances.

“Have we decided?” called the sales associate from the corner of the changing section.

Benny released your hands and took a few steps back, putting his hands in his jean pockets. “Yeah, yeah this is it.” He said, still struggling with his words and the volume of his voice. He stood rubbing his bottom lip with his index finger and stealing another look of you.

The sales associate clapped her hands together, “Wonderful, will we be needing a bag or jewelry for the event?”

Before you could say no, Benny’s smile grew once more, and he pointed at the woman. “You know what I like the way you think. Yes, we do.”

“Benny, I’m sure I have a purse and some jewelry to wear. I-,”

“Shh, don’t worry Bunny. I’ve got this.” He said, throwing a playful wink your way and a devilish grin.

Previous chapter - Next chapter

@rmwarn90 @meveispunk

[chrisevansonly]

Missing Violet (harry’s angel au)

pairing: harry styles x female reader (angel)

summary: harry knew being away from you and violet would be hard, but he didn’t know it would be this hard…

warnings: slight angst?? nothing major <3

a/n: slowly but surely getting back on the writing juice, thought i’d get this cute little idea out before working on some more stuff that’s soon to come💜

It was just past 8:30 in the morning when your phone buzzed quietly beside you, Violet was sound asleep on your chest as you sat propped up in the living room. Your favourite show playing softly on the tv, the outside world was already bustling, people travelling to work, but inside all was quiet, almost as if you weren’t London.

You reached over slowly, careful not to wake your little girl, quickly swiping to answer Harry’s facetime call, an hourly ritual almost as he was away finishing his tour. You smiled seeing his face pop up, the Portugal sun doing wonders for the tan he was getting

“good morning H”

He smiled

“morning darling, how’d you sleep last night?”

“not too bad honestly, gem is here with us so she helped with the little one last night, how about you?”

Harry found a shady spot to sit, returning his attention to you two

“not too bad I suppose, m’really missing home though, i hate being away from you two”

You knew being away from Harry this early after having Violet would be hard on him, and you could see it now when he took his sunglasses off, the bags under his eyes prominent: he just looked so tired

“im sorry my love, only a little longer and then you’ll be back to us…”

Bringing the camera down so Violet was now in the frame, he could see her tiny hands grasping onto your cashmere sweater, her eyes closed, her back moving up and down ever so softly as she slept away

“how come you’re always sleeping with daddy calls hmm?”

You laughed a little

“she just had a very big breakfast so I guess she’s in a food coma”

“what a life”

Harry laughed, taking a few live photos of her before she stirred slightly, a little squeak like noise escaping her

“oh did daddy wake you up? he was taking some cute photos of you”

You placed your phone down propped up with pillows so you could readjust her, a smile on your face noticing the green in her eyes

“did you get any good ones baby?”

A few moments passed with no answer, when you turned back to see the screen Harry had a sad look on his face, tears lining his eyes, that alone broke your heart

“harry what’s wrong? hey please don’t cry…”

He shook his head as you picked the phone up bringing it closer to you and violet

“i should be there a-and i’m not…i feel like i’m failing you both-”

Cutting him off before he could continue you shook your head

“harry, no, we aren’t doing that. don’t you ever think you’re failing us, you’re the best father to violet and the best husband to me, you are in no way failing us.”

Taking a breath you paused

“you’re working your hardest and putting on shows for so many people who love you, we knew it was a possibility bee would come sooner than the tour ended and that’s okay! i know being away from us is hard, and i wish i could be there with you, but don’t you ever think you’re failing me, because you’re not”

After a few minutes he nodded

“I mean fucking hell harry you sent me a continental breakfast from another country with my favourite cherry almond latte…i’d say you’re far from failing”

Harry finally let out a laugh, bringing a smile to your face

“I love you so much you know that? you take such good care of us even from miles away, I know Vi loves you just as much”

“I love you girls too, so much..i’ll be home soon”

Smiling you brought the phone down so Harry could spend some more time with Violet, talking to her softly, telling her stories all while she blinked, not really knowing what was going on, but Harry liked to think she was paying attention. Little did he know you’d been missing him just as terribly, and you couldn’t help but smile knowing you’d be flying to Italy for the final show of love on tour.

The last show was going to be special, but surprising H to be there as a family, would make it that much more incredible.

[derangederensimp]

Demon Slayer One Shot Kinktober

#30 Sex Pollen Akaza x Fem Reader

CW: Plot, Angst, Sex Pollen, Rough sex, biting, blood, choking, spit, mating press, Creampie.

Amazing artwork that is inserted in the fic was made by SMUT_hie

-

Akaza scoffed, knowing there had to be better things Muzan could’ve had him do instead of escorting a human around like a lost puppy. But he preferred it be him than anyone else, that way he knew you were safe.

The only reason Muzan still kept you around was because he noticed how protective Akaza had subconsciously grown over you and how your face lit up whenever you saw Akaza. A love that even Muzan could see was growing. A pawn to him to use if Akaza disobeyed him.

-

It’s been quiet since Akaza came and got you from the last location Muzan had left you at. He always left first to a new hiding location and then had one of the demons come and get you eventually. None of them understood if Muzan took an interest in you, how come he just didn’t turn you into a demon? All that’s happening to you is aging and becoming a demon, you could be with him forever just the way you are now, is that not what he wanted? They all thought. None of them dared to ask and just followed his orders.

The silence killed you as you longed to hear Akaza talk, even if he was going to act like a jerk to you. Unknown to you that Akaza also hoped you’d pipe up a conversation just to hear your sweet voice to pull him from reality even if it was for a little bit.

“Come on, you can walk faster than that y/n, or is it that your human legs stop you from going faster?” Akaza narrowed his eyes looking back at you. He wanted to see how you reacted but was disappointed to see no reaction other than your soft smile you always wore.

“What’s the rush, you're a demon so not like there’s another threat lurking around here. Besides, it's beautiful outside. Muzan keeps me inside all the time so let me enjoy this alright? Don't you ever just want to sit and relax, Akaza?” You asked, stopping in your tracks and looking at the night sky filled with stars. To think about it, lately the only demon that has been taking you place to place was Akaza. He clearly hated it but you enjoyed his company even if he was quiet most of the time. That same soft smile growing on your face once again as you looked up thinking about that.

Akaza’s facial expression softened watching you, his annoyance fading. He always thought you were pretty but something about how you stared at the sky made his heart feel warmer. “O-okay” He said reluctantly, sitting on the grass. You did the same, a gust of wind blowing the hair out of your face. Taking in a deep breath you smiled at Akaza who just stared at you. “If you were human when you met me, what would you think of me?” You quizzed

“I’d still think you were beautiful” looking away at your mouth hanging open, a soft chuckle coming from him. “Y-you think I’m beautiful?” You asked.

“Of course I do. You humans need to get your ears checked. I said that loud and clear didn’t I?” He said, putting his hand on the back of his neck.

“Do you think I’m going to die soon?” You asked, staring at him.

“You think you’d still be alive if he wanted you dead? I- I wouldn’t let that happen to you anyways.” Akaza said, looking over at you.

“Why is that?” You mused, scooting over to be closer to him.

“It’s my job to protect you” he stated, looking down at you now.

“So if you were given an order to leave me behind or to kill me you wouldn’t?”

What was this feeling Akaza felt in his chest, an aching sensation at the thought of you being hurt in any sort of way. “Never” he spoke up. You brought your face closer to his trying to close the gap between the two of you. He smiled down at you but before he could place his lips on yours his smile fades from his mouth, furrowing his brows noticing something wasn’t right.

Something about the air changed. Looking around he spotted a group of glowing blue flowers, pollen being blown up into the air. Pulling you onto your feet he tried to flee the mist of the pollen but he didn’t want to hurt you. Making it too late to get away.

His pupils dilated watching yours do the same. He pushed you at arms length, it felt like fire burning through his veins fighting the burning urge to kiss you. “A-Akaza I want to kiss you” you said, your eyes hooded as you gazed at him. Pulling you back into his embrace “You sure?” He panted, feeling your warm body in his arms made him just want to rip into your clothes to feel how soft your skin would be on his. “Please” you asked, a slight tone of begging lingered. Whatever it was that you breathed in started setting in as both of your bodies burned with desire for one another.

Pushing your hair aside he planted his palms on your cheeks and brought his lips down to yours. A spark seemingly coursing through your body as you wrapped your arms around his neck deepening the kiss. The heat growing between your legs making your cheeks flush pink. Your lips only unlocking to get a gasp of air before you two were back to exploring each other's mouths, tongues pushing at each other. Akzaza was a panting mess, his cock hard but luckily his baggy pants hid it from you.

Akaza pulled away from your lips, a string of saliva lingering between you “more, I - I need more” you panted. A grin growing on his lips before he sunk his head between the crevasse between your neck and collarbone, his lips peppering your skin making you let out a soft moan. He felt the need to pin you down surging through his body. Softly pushing you to lie down he hovered over your body.

Putting his knee between your parted legs he pulled at your Kimono, shifting it from your shoulder and pushing the cloth from your thigh as you yanked at his vest and tangled your fingers in his hair. One of his hands kept him grounded while the other hugged your neck softly, giving him a clear spot at your neck to start licking at it just to hear your soft moans again.

Art by SMUT_hie

“I need you” Akaza cooed desperately into your ear. “Let me have you please” he pleaded. Your hungry hands pulling his head down to your neck to feel his sweet mouth on your skin. The feeling giving you even a bit of relief from the constant surging of your impulses wanting to take control. Your grip tightening on his clothes pulling him closer to your body as you slammed your lips to his.

Needy moans coming from the both of you as your hearts beat out of your chests. Trying to pull off each others clothing, only pulling away from each other to catch your breath before going back at it. Akaza finally undid the ties of your Kimono pushing the beautiful fabric off of your skin revealing the most intimate parts of you. His fingers traced the fabric of your panties, his cold fingers sending shocks down your spine. “All mine, all mine, all mine” he chanted as his fingers glided past the damp spot your juices had caused.

Your mind was reeling, your body moving on its own instinctively bucking your hips into his touch. “D-don’t tease me Akaza… need you” you panted, staring up at Akaza with hooded eyes.

The next thing you heard was your panties being ripped off your body. His palm resting over your cunt as the other hand reached behind your back to undo the clasps of your bra. Finally freeing your breasts to him, he dipped his head down to your nipple, taking it into his mouth and flicking the bud with his tongue. He looked up at your face watching your reaction, your body squirming underneath him as you moaned his name. “My name sounds so fucking good on your tongue” Akaza praised.

“Say it some more” he cooed. Putting his thumb on your clit putting pressure on it before circling it to soothe your hips bucking into him. “So eager, you want me that badly?” Sinking two fingers into your folds hooking his fingers inside pushing on your gspot.

“Please” you whined, your hands trying to undress him. He pinched at your nipple between his fingers making you bite down on your lip drawing blood. The smell enticing Akaza, his lips crashing onto yours, licking up all the blood that came from the wound, his cock twitching in his pants “Delicious” he cooed into your ear. Getting what you finally wanted Akaza took off his vest and took his pants off revealing his cock. You stared at it, mouth watering at the sight. His veins pulsating as pre came from the tip.

Rubbing his cock between your lips made him groan, he stroked at it to rub around your slick all over. Resting his thumb on your clit he rubbed circles, lining himself up with your entrance he slammed his hips to yours, your cry’s filling the open field. His fingers dug into your hips making you whine. Akaza stayed still, letting your body adjust to him before he started moving against leaving sweet kisses along your neck, your hands gripped at your kimono underneath you as he bit into your neck softly.

“M-more” you moaned, a smirk growing on his lips, moving one of his hands to your head gently tilting it to put his head into the crook of your neck tracing the spot with his tongue before he sunk his teeth in.

Your body jolted under him, cunt clenching his cock tightly making him grunt out your name as you moaned loudly. Licking the wound clean before he picked his head up staring down at you, tears flowing down your pink cheeks. You stared up at him, blood dripping down the corner of his lips, his hand coming up to wipe your tears away. “Sorry” he cooed into your ear nibbling at it softly. You pulled him down for a kiss, licking the remaining blood away before shoving your tongue into his mouth. He pulled out just a bit before shoving it back in, the tip kissing the entrance of your cervix. Moans dying on his tongue.

His hips driving into yours repeatedly made your eyes roll to the back of your head as you gasped for air, his hand softly squeezing your throat. Keeping his eyes on you he watched back and forth you breasts bouncing and the way your face looks each time he pulled out started his whole process over again. He was losing his mind when you cunt pulsated around him, huffing out air “y/n- your pussy is going to make me cum if it keeps squeezing me like that. Need you to cum first” Akaza said in between grunted.

Removing his hold on your throat he put his thumb to your clit rubbing at it to match the pace he jackhammered into you. “A-Akaza too much a-ah s-slow down” you whined, your knuckles turning white with the grip on your kimono. “What you gotta cum? Is that why you want me to slow down? Don’t want this to be over?” He said, his eyes bore into yours, your mouth staying gaped while he kept his pace giving one hard thrust to get a response from you.

“Yes!” You cried, biting down on your inner cheek. The knot in your stomach becoming tighter and tighter each time his cock hit your gspot.

“Go on cum, cum on my cock. I won’t stop fucking you till you’ve had enough. Ganna fuck you till you can’t walk I’ll have to carry you back to Muzan.” Akaza said with a cocky grin on his face. Tossing his head back at the feeling of your sweet body squeezing him.

Putting more pressure on your clit as he did deep hard thrusts made you lick your legs around his waist. Your legs spasmed around his waist as your cunt squeezed him one last time before the knot in the stomach snapped. “That’s my girl” Akaza praised. Cumming hard all over his cock moaning his name repeatedly as he kept his pace enjoying how you sounded. Moaning at how tight your cunt became. Letting you ride out your high before he pulled out, your cunt clutching around nothing making you groan at the feeling of being empty.

“Don’t whine just yet I’m not done” Akaza said, placing a kiss on your lips before going back to sitting up on his knees. Pushing your legs up to your chest he positioned himself above you, aligning himself back up against before thrusting back into your dripping cunt. You screamed out his name with the new feeling of his cock going deeper in this new position. Jackhammering into you as his fingers dug into your thighs “f-fuck” he grunted.

His hand reached down to your nipple pinching it making you moan out his name. His hair stuck to his forehead with sweat as his pace continued. Hard quick thrusts filling you up completely, your cunt becoming tighter and tighter with each movement. “H-have to a-ah fuck Cum y/n” he blurt out quickly. His thrusts becoming sloppy as he put his head down, mouth gaped a he groaned your name his cock twitching inside of you as his cum filled you up, still thrusting a ring of white formed on the base of his cock. Once his cock stopped twitching inside he pulled out and collapsed next to you.

Your chests heaving in sync as the two of you attempted to catch your breaths. He turned to his side pulling you into his arms resting his head on your shoulder. Kissing the spot he left where he left a wound. “Never letting you go” he said softly. “Promise?” You asked, picking his up from your shoulder he squeezed you into his arms “mhm. We should get you dressed, isn't it cold for you?” Akaza asked. The burning feeling that was once going through your veins went away making you grow goosebumps all over your skin. Quickly redressing while Akaza did the same.

“Can you walk?” Akaza softly chuckled at his question knowing the answer was definitely a no.

“Too sore” you sheeply said. Picking you up into his arms he began walking into the direction of where Muzan at.

-

Muzan tried his best to hold in his laugh while he stared at the two of you. Cheeks red with a secret and he knew just what that secret was since he planned the whole thing out. He was tired of watching you flirt but not act on your feelings for one another. Dismissing the two of you away he sighed to himself “and they say I’m cruel”

From that day forward Akaza stayed by your side.

-

Kinktober Masterlist

Want to Commission a fic from me? More info here

Taglist: @yellooaaa , @immindingmyown , @dovas-world , @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn , @ilovestevelacy2228 , @nothisispatrick300 , @chrrybl0ss0m

[littledollll]

would you please write an agere fic with larissa as the readers partner? i’m in loveee with her. And i’d request maybe some angst and lotsss of fluff 🥹🫶🏻 i loved the ones you’ve already written

and if it’s not much to ask calling larissa mommy or sth cuter 😶‍🌫️🥹

thank you!!!! - honey

Her little love

Larissa x little!reader

A/n: this took somewhere between 30 minutes and 5 days, lord save us all.

Warnings: none?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

It was terrifying, even just the idea of slipping after such a long time. Larissa wasn’t one to question it, she understood it was up to you, and if you really hadn’t come to her about it perhaps you didn’t want to.

For reasons you couldn’t quite understand at some point you just stopped. And today just so suddenly, that tingly feeling was running down your bones. You noticed yourself more zoned out than usual, and so did Larissa.

She thought it best not to bring anything up, wanting to pressure you or force you out of that headspace that was threatening to take over. But she kept an eye on you, and decided to try a gentle approach on helping you slip. For starters, she offered help with everyday tasks, and started using some of your favorite petnames.

It seemed to be working well enough when you started getting more clingy, following close behind her whenever she moved, and opted to hug and hide at her side when you could.

Now sat on the couch by her side Larissa could tell you were still holding back for some reason. “If you’d like to regress my darling, I wouldn’t mind.” And you shook your head, you did every time she asked. She knew how much you needed it and it broke her heart to know you were forcing yourself out and she couldn’t understand why.

“If you really don’t want to, I understand. But if there’s something else holding you back I’d like to know, sweet one, Mama wants to help.” you were in her arms in seconds. Hiding your face in what seemed to be shame. Larissa was gentle pulling you away to get a good look at you. Teary eyes and pouting lips adorned your face and as adorable as she thought you always looked, it was for all the wrong reasons.

“What’s got you like this, sweetheart?” You didn’t have an answer for her, you felt small, vulnerable and hiding was simply your first instinct. You shook your head and Larissa only hugged you closer. “That’s alright, mama and her little love will sit here cuddled up all the rest of the day, if that’s what you want?”

Nodding, you ran off to your room leaving Larissa confused, as she looked in the direction you ran off to. Unsurprising you came running with a group of your stuffies. Ever the dedicated little, you neatly sat them all on the couch as Larissa just watched with a loving smile on her face.

“We’re all meeting here, darling?” Nodding once again you jumped back in her arms and pointed at the tv. “Thems wan tv time” Larissa chuckled looking down at you. “Oh they want tv time? You have no part in this?” you looked away shaking your head, knowing you were caught.

“Alright my sweet, I guess they do deserve tv time, hm?” You nodded energetically and cuddled up to her side. You were too engrossed in the show to see Larissa, an adoring smile painted her face.

There is nothing in this world she adores more than her little love.

[dusteebowl]

When the party's over

pairing: Baptiste x Mauga

warnings: slightly spicy. nothing explicit, but its implied that they did the horizontal tango before the start of the fic, unrequited love, hurt but no comfort

rating: T

a/n: I wrote this in like 30 minutes, do not judge me. also i have no idea what the interactions between mauga and bap are like in game yet but we can all agree there was some kind of situationship going on, right? also, if you find yourself in Baptiste's position, run girl. you're too good for him

“Don’t you know I’m no good for you?”

Baptiste looked up at Mauga who was lying next to him, both of them naked as the day they were born. He hadn’t meant for it to go this far again, but when his friend had sent him a text asking him to come to the Talon Med Bay at 1 am, what was left of his judgement had gone out the window.

The audacity wasn’t lost on him, however. Mauga was the one that had sent the message, and now he dared to tell him he wasn’t good enough for him.

“Why do you keep contacting me outside of work then?” Baptiste pointed out now.

The tank chuckled. It was the one that Baptiste could barely resist, and he had to force himself not to feel the butterflies in his stomach from it.

“I mean to say,” his companion said, “that you don’t come here expecting there to be feelings and sentiment and that bullshit, right?”

I learned to leave you, can’t afford to.

“Of course not,” Baptiste said. “I’m an adult, Mauga.”

It was a lie, though. Not that he didn’t know there weren’t feelings on Mauga’s part. But that some part of Baptiste, however small it was, really wanted to believe that eventually maybe there could. “But you nearly gave me a heart attack when you told me you got hurt on your latest mission. There are other medics in Talon, you know.”

Mauga smirked. “I know, but none of their bedside manner’s as great as yours. Neither is their, well, should I say post-op care?”

Baptiste snorted despite himself. “I’d hardly call wrapping a few bandages around your wounds an operation. You’re lucky I’d been in the Talon dorms when you texted at all.”

He wasn’t.

Tore my shirt to stop the bleeding

Another smirk, and before he knew it Mauga’s lips were on his own leaving the medic absolutely breathless. It dizzied him and made him see stars. They fit so well together and were always so soft, no matter where he placed them. How could he make him so thoroughly drunk on his scent every time? So absolutely intoxicated with his touch? It was addictive.

 The medic placed his hand on Mauga’s cheek to pull him closer. He wanted to be utterly lost in him, but before it could go any further, the larger man pulled away from the kiss he himself initiated.

“What can I say? You’re my lucky charm.”

He said it so easily, like he hadn’t given Baptiste the kiss of his life. Meanwhile Baptiste fought to keep his breathing under control.

Before he could even get his bearings right after that mind-blowing kiss, he felt rather than saw the bed shift next to him and heard Mauga grunting as he put his clothes back on. The tank must have seen the look on his face because he quirked up one of his eyebrows. “What? Don’t tell me you were expecting me to stay?”

Yes. “No, of course not.”

But nothing ever stops you leaving

Mauga chuckled again. “Thought you’d gone all soft on me, Bap.”

“Never.”

Without so much as a look back, Mauga bid farewell and left the room, taking his warmth with him.

Quiet when I’m coming home, and I’m on my own.

It could’ve been 15 minutes that Baptiste stared at that door. He didn’t know. He hadn’t expected that last kiss. The two of them hardly kissed after. There was never any cuddling, either. A part of him hoped that maybe this was the time he would come back, that he would rush through the door, sweep him off his feet and—

“Jesus, I’m acting like a child,” he muttered to himself. “Really Baptiste? One kiss is all it takes to send you spiraling?”

Yes. Yes, it was.

No, it was better that the arrangement stayed the way it was. For the both of them. The world was a dangerous place, and they couldn’t afford to be distracted. Out there on the field when there were enemies everywhere, even one moment of hesitation could be life and death.

It was better like this. Definitely.

I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that

[averagewriter-inthedark]

In The Name Of Love 💌 | Robert ‘Bob’ Floyd Headcanon

Link to my TGM masterlist

Thank y’all so much for 900 followers!!! 🥹♥️ I appreciate all the love and support and can’t wait to share all my works with you lovely people 🥹 much more to come so stay tuned !!

Content Warnings: age gap (since LP was born in 1993 & probably canonically Bob was too, then lets imagine you were born in 1984-1985, also im basing this as though the setting for TGM is 2022 Instead of 2019), suggestive content, profanity, NSFW content below the cut. Also title of the song references a line in “pour some sugar on me” by Def Leppard which will be mentioned in this. Female!reader (she/her)

Bob falling in love with a woman older than him would look like:

Okay so envision you’re like 8 1/2 almost 9 ish years older than Bob & y’all didn’t meet until he was in his mid 20s—like roughly 26 and you were 35. By then he was already a Top Gun graduate and you were a civilian contractor who was very educated in astrophysics and aeronautical engineering, so it wasn’t a surprise when the school would call you back for some insight. You weren’t Bob’s instructor, in fact you didn’t formally meet him until the graduation ceremony where he accidentally bumped into you causing wine to spill on your dress.

“O-oh my gosh—I’m so sorry ma’am. I wasn’t paying attention—,” poor guy was embarrassed as hell and literally rushed to get napkins to help you. Thankfully your outfit was a simple, elegant black colored dress because if was fall so you tried to tell him it was okay and when y’all locked eyes Bob swore the Earth stopped spinning. Heat filled his veins, cheeks going bright red as he muttered a curse word before apologizing again—this time for his language. You were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life and the when he heard your voice, Bob felt like he could listen to it forever. Offering to replace your drink you followed Bob to the bar where you two fell into a conversation. That’s when you found out he was a WSO stationed at Lemoore and he graduated from the Naval Academy 5 years prior.

You pieced it together quickly you were quite a bit older than Bob—which was by almost a decade. At first it worried you when you started to feel attraction for him because most men in their 20s were typical bachelors and playboys who just wanted a quick fuck. They were immature, greedy, thought with the head between their legs and not the one attached to their necks. You dated playboys in college, and then in your 20s focused on building a career than having relationships. Now in your 30s you were hoping to find someone to share life experiences with and settle down. You never thought it would be with someone younger than you, but Bob seemed to be changing that opinion by the minute.

And who could blame you? In the few hours you two spent together at the ceremony & at The Hard Deck for the after party the attraction was so natural. Bob was handsome, intelligent, sweet, attentive, and hung onto every word you said. When you causally mentioned the year you graduated college and had been a Top Gun contractor for nearly a decade Bob didn’t even react. You kept doing that, mentioning details that were enough for him figure out you were much older than him. It was more so to see if he would get turned off and feel more drawn to flirting or conversing with someone closer to his age, but Bob never once gave you any indication that your age bothered him. When he excused himself at one point you thought that was it, that he had finally come to his senses or something, but then he returned with another glass of wine for you and water for him. “Why do you look so surprised?” “I…I thought you.. it’s stupid—I just thought you realized I was too old for you and would be better off with someone closer to your age.” “Forgive me, Y/n, if i’m being too forward but there’s no one else I’d rather be with right now. The age difference between us doesn’t bother me at all and I would love to continue getting to know you better if you let me. But if you don’t feel comfortable, I completely understand.”

In the beginning of your relationship with Bob, there was the feeling it wouldn’t work because of the age difference but within weeks your worries went away. You two were like perfect pieces to a puzzle, fitting so well you believed Bob was the person you’d been looking for. The WSO was very romantic when it came to you. Whatever your love language was, Bob was a natural at giving it whether it be physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service or quality time. A big concern you had with dating a man younger than you was the idea of having to look after them like a mother would, but Bob never made you feel that way. You were his equal and Bob made sure you always felt that way. He was very mature, financially supported on his own with a great career, and could keep up with you in every way possible. Literally 😉

In Bob’s eyes, you were the definition of perfection. You were beautiful inside and out, insanely intelligent, witty, and made him laugh to the point of tears. Like you, Bob also had worries in the beginning. He thought you’d get bored of him, would think he was childish and were better off with someone your own age. But the more dates y’all went on and the weeks turning into months, Bob foresaw a future with you he was determined to have. He grew to love you so much that you being older was never something he thought of. Bob wanted to wake up every morning to you, fall asleep with you in his arms, go on long drives at night when neither of you could sleep, walk the beach, go to concerts of your favorite bands and artists, attend festivals and conventions. Have kids if that was what you wanted and simply grow old together.

Soon the whole age thing became more of a teasing lighthearted joke whenever you referenced something from the 80s/90s or he explained a popular meme you didn’t understand. Even when he proposed there was a joke somewhere in it, but again it was all in the name of love.

Speaking of in the name of love, we all know #Bobfucks and man’s definitely surprised you when y’all’s sex life was kicked into action. He loves when you call the shots and put him into place whenever y’all argue—boy does he get hard as a rock when you call him by his full name and wants you to take your anger/stress out on him—but Bob also knows how to take control….which you absolutely love. Remember you two are equals, but when it comes to the bedroom that’s when y’all can let fantasies play out and share them with each other. you are having to deal with a lot at work and being in charge of dumb people gets you pent up that when you come home you just want Bob to dominate you. And he sure as hell does with pleasure, but will do whatever you want him to. If you want it slow and sensual he’ll make love to you all night long….but if you want it fast and rough then don’t expect to walk the next day.

And Lord have mercy if a song you two enjoy fucking to comes onto the radio when y’all are driving. One time you were coming home from dinner when Def Leppard’s ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me,’ blasted on 80s on 8 and you gave him that look….Bob literally pulled off to the side of the road where he fucked you right in the back seat until the song was over. You more than likely have more experience than him and can teach him new things, but don’t get it twisted, Bob will surprise you. Your favorite thing is when y’all go to banquets and stand on opposite sides, but stare at one another with teasing looks and gestures to see how long the other breaks. One time you were getting hit on by an older officer, who blatantly ignored the ring on your finger, and Bob swooped in after you gave him that look again ….. the officer heard your screams of pleasure when he passed the mens restroom on his way out.

Family and friends were surprised when they learned about y’all’s age gap. Everyone thought you guys were the same age and although they were shocked at first they long forgot about it and never once made comments that made you two feel insecure. Your family loved Bob and thought he was perfect for you. They were so happy when y’all got married and the same was for his family. They adored you and saw how their son was smitten with you that they always forgot you were older than him by some years. Bob did sometimes get playfully teased by his friends because they were like, “Dating an older woman, hot.” (If you got that reference pls let me know lmao.)

Like when you both got called back to Top Gun for the uranium mission where Bob was a candidate and you were the civilian contractor asked to run the calculations and tests to make sure everything was in order. At the Hard Deck the night you got in, Bob had arrived early because you had a meeting with Cyclone, Warlock, and Maverick, which meant he got to meet the team before you. A lot of the team knew you from their time as students at Top Gun including Rooster, Phoenix, Payback, Hangman, and Coyote. You can bet they were all surprised to find out you and Bob were married, but a whole different reaction came the next day when Phoenix saw your class ring said the same college she attended and asked what year you graduated. The second you said 2006 some jaws dropped, snapping their glance to Bob with Hangman whistling as he smirked, “Damn, Baby on Board. It didn’t pass me to think you were into them older women. I’m a little jealous you managed to cuff the hottest contractor at North Island.” You simply rolled your eyes, made a witty comeback that had the others go ‘oooh,’ which in turn had Bob blush—not to mention you whispered something dirty in his ear to boost his confidence and remind him he was the only man for you.

You know, you thought when you entered your 30s single that it was going to be like that for the rest of your life if you didn’t find someone close in age or older who wanted the same things as you did. But that all changed when you met the sweet, adorable and lovable blue eyed man that was Robert Floyd. He changed your outlook on a lot of things, but most importantly that you anything is possible in the name of love.

………………

Tag list: @avaleineandafryingpan , @caitsymichelle13 , @poppyalice2001 , @cutelittlepotatofry

[blindrapture]

WEDNESDAY MAY 25TH, 2011 ("world with empty eye sockets")

12:24 AM I think they’ve passed. I think we’re safe. ..I think I’m going to fucking sleep.

3:30 AM Donnie woke me up, she couldn’t sleep. Guess we’re heading off already.

3:41 AM Okay, I’ve put my CDs into one of those CD folder things. This is much easier to carry. I’ve got bags, I’ve got Tiger Stripes, I’ve got my Pot Noodles and my soda; I’m completely ready. Donnie, still tired, has got her share of snacks and drinks. She’s got a steel frying pan, too. And a T-shirt from something called “Bloomsday.” Isn’t that a department store? ..anyway, uh, we’re setting off now. Good luck to us?

3:45 AM Out of the neighbourhood. No sign of spidercats or anything yet. God, it’s bright for 4 in the morning.

4:18 AM We’re going towards the motorway. It’s the fastest way to London. ..I think. The high street is quiet, as always.

4:30 AM We’re nearing the motorway. Donnie’s quiet. Tired. I can hear a faint cawing noise. Like a crow.

4:42 AM The cawing seems to be getting louder.

4:59 AM Okay. I’m hiding behind a car. I don’t think the Big One saw me hiFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

5:01 AM It stopped. It’s turning back. What the fuck. YEAH YOU’D BETTER RUN. Okay, where’s Donnie, there she is, she’s behind that car, got it. We got everything? Good, good, good.

5:32 AM We’ve been walking down this motorway for a while now. We haven’t seen a single soul, just miles and miles of busted cars. I admit, I was kinda expecting to run into some other travelers or something.

5:50 AM Getting light. Very light. No sun, though. Just red.

6:13 AM We played “I Spy.”

6:38 AM Found a car, a big SUV, filled with good food and drink and whatnot. Time for a picnic!

6:40 AM “So why do you wear that.. outfit, anyway?” Good question. I dunno, really. I like to look distinguished, I guess. Makes me feel comfortable. And cool. Kinda like the Doctor or something! “Looks more like the Blues Brothers.” Yeah, there’s a bit of Blues Brothers influence, but that was really more of a coincidence. I wear the coat because of the slender man, and the hat’s inspired by Yahtzee Croshaw. But it’s all just influences, not really that important. “I think I’ve heard of Yahtzee. What’s the slender man?” Oh! Haha, the slender man! Goodness. It’s an urban legend, this tale of a man who’s seen in the backgrounds of photographs. He’s tall and faceless and wears a business suit and tie. Hella creepy when you read all about him late at night. Left a big impression on me. “Sounds cool. What does he do?” Nobody’s really sure. Usually, the people in the photographs with him go missing. Sometimes they’ll turn up later, disemboweled and strung up on trees. Sometimes they’ll turn up insane, sometimes wearing masks and being violent and unstable. Sometimes they simply won’t ever be seen again. ”..he’s not real, is he?” He’s not supposed to be. He’s entirely fictional; his creation was well documented on a Something Awful thread.

6:45 PM Moving out again!

7:02 AM We’ve still got a long way to go. I’d forgotten how tedious and monotonous motorways were. We’re probably gonna stop and rest soon. Maybe.

7:37 AM OH GOD NO WAY NO FUCKING WAY NO NO NO THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE oh, it’s just a dead guy in a business suit. Never mind. Hahahaaaa, never mind. Nothing, never mind!

7:45 AM Donnie’s getting tired. I mean, she seemed pretty tired when we first set out, but now she just looks exhausted. And I admit, I’m pretty tired, myself. We’ll stop soon.

8:11 AM We just passed Croydon. We’re closer than I thought. We’ll rest iHOLY COCK

8:13 AM WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYTHING WANT MY POT NOODLES

8:16 AM OHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD THIS IS BAD THIS IS VERY VERY BAD WHERE’S DONNIE OH MY GOD WHERE IS DONNIE There she is, next to me, never mind.

8:20 AM …it’s gotten quiet, so I’m going to write. You’re not going to believe this. …actually, you might. We were walking along when all of a sudden, BAM. All the cars on the motorway started to move. They moved into one giant mass, and they have formed a giant motherfucking cobra. Made of cars. I’m going to call it the Carbra. Getting past this thing isn’t going to be easy. We’re hiding behind a tree.

8:23 AM Maybe we should try talking to it. “….you want to try talking to it.” ..okay wow that was stupid.

8:27 AM Okay. Okay. I’m going to make a mad dash for the next tree. Tiger Stripes, give me strength.

8:28 AM fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckmade it.

8:31 AM Okay, now Donnie’s got the courage. She’s gonna make the dash.

8:32 AM YOU MOTHERFUCKER EAT PLASTIC GUITAR

8:35 AM OKAY WELL EAT POT NOODLE

8:38 AM EAT MORE PLASTIC GUITAR YOU MOTHERFUCKEasdfgh I just got smacked in the face with a tire

8:43 AM We’re running we’re running I got Donnie and we’re running we’re running oh my god AHHHHH

8:47 AM We’re hiding. Behind a truck. I sure as hell hope this isn’t, like… the Carbra’s penis or something. I hope it’s just a truck. Either way, we’ve got more problems. Motherfuckers can fly now. The zombies. The motherfucking zombies can motherfucking fly. They have wings now. ..motherfucker.

8:49 AM God, the sound of their wings flapping where the hell can we go

8:50 AM Donnie’s got an idea. I’m following.

8:51 AM FUCK YOU FLYING ZOMBIES FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF RUN RUN RUN RUN

8:52 AM I WISH I HAD A FUCKING GUN

8:55 AM Donnie led me to a shed on a hill. She’s locked the door. I like where this is going. >w>

9:01 AM Sitting by the door, listening for the flying zombies to go away. Yeah, this isn’t quite where I thought it was going.

9:05 AM We’re both yawning several times a minute. I don’t know how much longer we can stay awake.

9:07 AM Now that I’ve gotten a chance to really listen to those damn things, I’m less annoyed and more.. unnerved. The sound of the wings, that is. The flapping.. it sounds like.. swishing. Liquid swishing. But it also sounds like breathing. I’m gonna try to zone it out.

9:13 AM ….she fell asleep and is now across my lap. Shit. I’ve never, uh.. looked up what I’m supposed to do now. Do I.. do I feel her up? Do I kiss her? ..why am I writing in my journal when I could be doing all sorts of— fuck it, I’m just gonna sleep, too.

5:59 PM Note to self: “You have nice pants” isn’t a good compliment. It’s a bit weird.

6:14 PM This place has a stove. Had a Pot Noodle. It was tasty.

6:32 PM Fucking shitcrabs, they’re still out there.

6:38 PM There’s a basement door in this shed. It leads to a long staircase. I think it’s a rabbit hole. I brought this up to Donnie, and I think she wants to check it out. She’s nervous, though. Never been down one of these before. Then again, it’s hardly like I’ve been down more than once.

6:43 PM Led us to a shed that looks pretty similar to the one we were previously in, though the front door is now large and steel. I’m gonna break it down.

6:44 PM We’re in a small blue room. There’s nothing in here. WHERE’D THE EXIT GO Okay, we might be trapped. I’m gonna see if I can break the walls down OH GOD FLOOR OPENED UP

9:40 PM awake ow hey donnie Eah. Hi. We seem to be in a void. A black void. In front of us, a good five or ten feet away, is a lone door. But directly in front of us is the void; there’s no floor. Well, there are, uh… patches? Patches of floor here and there. I don’t know how safe they are to step on, though. NO NO NO WAIT DONNIE DON’T oh. Kay, the ‘patches’ are very safe to step on. Kay, we can easily cross, then.

9:42 PM The door led to a small office. There are several doors around us.

9:44 PM Upon trying a door, I was presented with a long corridor. At the other end of the corridor, I could see a giant screaming face approaching me at terminal velocity. I quickly shut the door. I hate this place. It’s all so typical horror shit but I hate it all the same.

9:45 PM Donnie opened a door and found some rotting corpses. She wants to open any more doors, either. So what are we gonna do?

9:48 PM We’ve looked all over. There aren’t any other options. We’re gonna have to open another door. Fuck.

9:49 PM We drew straws. I got the shortest one. Okaaaay here goes.

10:01 PM We climbed out of a manhole. In a street.

10:05 PM LONDON WE’RE IN LONDON OH MY GOD

10:12 PM We found a stationery store! Oh my god, they have tons of journals! I am so taking one. Perfect timing, too. This journal was just about to run out of

10:20 PM I got myself a new journal. Fancy. Pretty. Huge, too. Nobody’s here, so Donnie and I thought we’d just.. take stuff. We’re gonna look for a map. HMV’s gotta be close.

10:24 PM This street’s pretty weird. I can hear the laughter of little children. YEAH I HEAR YOU GUYS, THIS STUFF WASN’T SCARY IN THE SHINING, IT WILL NEVER BE SCARY

10:27 PM Found a bus station. Had a map. It says we’re at the wrong side of the Thames. Fuck. I can see Piccadilly on here, though. Should be there in an hour, I’d say.

10:31 PM Donnie’s been awfully quiet. Then again, so have these streets. Where is anybody?

10:35 PM We’ve hit the Thames. Bridge nearby.

10:39 PM Donnie says she’s been seeing things. Strings around corners, nearby, moving. Personally, I’m pretty sure that strings are the least of our concerns right now.

10:40 PM Hit the bridge. Crossing the Thames.

10:42 PM God, the Thames is a huge river.

10:45 PM I just heard a splash. Donnie’s here, she’s okay. Looked over the edge, nothing.

10:47 PM strings everywhere in the corner of my eyes

10:49 PM Past the Thames, we’re on the wrong other side of London now, no strings anywhere.

10:55 PM …gotta admit. This sure doesn’t seem like the right side of London. At least we know where everybody is now: They’re all inside the buildings! Looking out at us from the windows! Most of them look like zombies. Let’s.. keep our eyes on the road. <:D

11:00 PM Graffiti says “HMV this way.” Thank you, hoodlums!

11:03 PM The zombies are definitely very creepy. They’re all standing in the windows, staring out at us. 11:07 PM Hit Trafalgar Square. I know this place. We’re close.

11:11 PM Did I say “close?” I meant “halfway.” I wish it wasn’t so far away, dammit. Hey, where’d that door come from? urp

(Attached: “I live in a world with empty eye sockets. Countries grope for light switches, assisted by no one. Nature calls this ‘politics.’ I call it 'aftermath.’ Then again, I’ve been called much worse. I carry, in my hands, a book larger than life itself. A god handed it to me as a sort of graduation present. We’ve passed the final exams and now it’s time to leap blindly into the real world. I have seen this book time and time again in my travels– one could almost say my coming of age, if one so ancient as I am could have a definite age– but never have I had the chance to read it. Now that I finally have it, my eyesight is long gone. It was taken in one of my moments of passion, a rare time where I dared step up to nature. Back then, I had only one name: Derek Taylor, the name I was born with. Now my names could fill a book of their own. If ever they did, and for all I know they might, I’d keep it here in my library for others to see. And if they ever asked me the time of day, I’d say to them the same thing I said to the gods when they dared call me 'eternity’s historian:’ Nothing at all. There is no time of day, not now that the apocalypse has come and gone. There’s only the sound of rain to assure us of our existence, and the faint approaching red shapes in the void that even we the blind can see.”)

(Attached, other side: "Disclaimer: The logs go down a certain path here. If you are not comfortable with unconsensual sexual themes, skip to June 18th. This is the cleanest way to do this.")

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[bigwishes]

Questions Answered

I have gotten quite a few questions in my ask inbox and DMs. a lot of them are a very similar vein and I haven’t answered them because been busy with the holidays. Now I have a bit of time I thought I’d smash some out (still feel free to DM me if these answers create more questions or you had one I didn’t answer)

Q1) Do you take roids/plan on taking roids? A1) No, and I don’t think I ever will. For a few reasons, 1 being I like the idea of being natty even if it means Ill never really reach my goal and 2 being my family already has some thinks like heart disseise that is genetic and I don’t really feel like dealing roids onto the table Q2) How long have you been working out/ Why didn’t you start earlier A2) consistently I have been working out for about a 8 months, although a lot of that has been learning what I am doing and studying form so I can push myself in 2023 without injury. As for why I didn’t start earlier I grew up in a remote community in the outback and we didn’t have a gym, I learnt what bodybuilding was about 18/19 and push ups only get you so far, but now I live closer to civilisation and am trying to get my grind on. Q3) what kind of guys do you like other than bodybuilders? would you date a twink? A3) I like other kinds of guys, a bloke doesn’t have to be a bodybuilder to catch my fancy but he does need to be into fitness and lifting and that’s more out of a shared interest thing. I want to date a guy who’ll work out with me and push me in the gym, go on hikes with me and other stuff and just in my experience twinks aren’t for me.  Q4) do you have a picture of what you wanna look like? A4) yep,

again unknown how close I’ll ever get to my goal going full natty but my plan is to put on as much muscle as I can naturally gain.

Q5) do you want to compete A5) I have thought about it, it’d just be a minor thing, nothing too big but possibly? don’t really know yet. But I do know I definitely want a poser when I have some more mass, those things are fucking hot.

Q6) will we ever get pics? A6) probably not. Sorry for people who wants pics of my progress but no. I dunno there may be a chance in the future when I like my body a bit more but even then I’d need to be careful as I am studying for a government job.

Q7) do you have other fantasies or just muscle growth? A7) yeah, a few others. It kind of came out of no where a few weeks ago but race change, the idea of staying the same person but at the same time becoming an entirely different person is very hot to me. Also sweat and B.O

Q8) Do you actually want to be sweaty all the time? A8) in fantasy yes, but I know in reality that is not possible with work. However there is nothing stopping me from hitting the gym and enjoying the stink for a few hours after. Not to mention it takes about 20-30 minutes of scrubbing to even wash it out because I am hairy as and it gets stuck. [as a bonus answer same goes for burping, I know I wouldn’t be able to forever but there is something about it that makes me feel sexy when I’m belching after a work out]

Q9) can I fund your growth for pics? A9) I’ve had a fair few guys message me asking if I have a pateron or somewhere they can send me money to see my progress and fun my progress and whilst the gym is expensive no, but unlike the pics in general where I dunno if ill get to a point of liking myself to post pics I don’t think I’ll ever make a pateron to fund my progress. Q10) what is something you think you’ll do when you get bigger? A10) Flex and wear underwear haha, once I start getting bigger I definitely see myself flexing in the mirror in my underwear for at least an hour a day. Hopefully one day Ill have the perfect storm of being big, having a massive pump, sweating up a storm and belching out my protein bloat.

Hope all the people who have been waiting for their answers got their questions answered. If not or if you have more you can always send in an ask or DM me.

[bullet-prooflove]

Donna’s Wednesday Radio Show Prompt List #6

Hey guys! As some of may know I do a weekly radioshow on Wednesdays and I thought why not put together a prompt list from some of the songs I’ve been playing. I thought it would bring some fresh prompts into our world!

Feel free to pop any of these prompts with a charcter I write for (You can find these on the pinned post on my blog) into my ASK box!

1.      won't let me see this side of you

2.      You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do

3.      I'm drinking tonight, gonna give up the fight

4.      turning me on Like a slow fire burn

5.      I choke back tears 'til I damn near drown

6.      You're not gonna make it

7.      Loveless nights, they seem so long I know that I'll hold you someday.

8.      We still talk like everyday But we don't talk in the same way that we used to

9.      This is the last time you say After the last line you break

10.   He pulled you closer, said he'll never let go

11.   And if only I could find the words Or muster up the nerve to tell her

12.   Can't keep my hands to myself

13.    the ghost of my sin

14.   But till you come back where you belong It's just another lonely Sunday.

15.   I fell for a boy who could never ever let me walk home that way 'Cause you gotta be safe

16.   You say that you love me, You won't remember in the morning

17.   I wish I'd known that it would be this hard to be alone. Please, come home!

18.   You're speaking like you really love him

19.   Maybe we'll see that we were wrong If ever we look back one day

20.   I thought that I was the exception I could rewrite your addiction

21.   The only thing stronger than you is whiskey

22.   Please, come back, don't you leave me

23.   When you're dying in LA

24.   Now all I can do is lay in my room Fall asleep, dream of you

25.   Tonight with me Won't you cut it up and dance all over me

26.   I'll never forget her and she'll always have a part of me

27.   He can be the one you run to, the one that saves ya

28.   the taste of goodbye on your lips when you kiss me

29.   You couldn't trust him but you never said no

30.   You trace my lines Stirring my soul

31.   And now you're dancing like you need him

32.   Don't let me go down this road again, We both know where this ends

33.   Put it in your pocket don't tell anyone I gave ya

34.   But for an angel, she's a hot, hot mess

35.   We both know love is not that easy

36.   He kissed you on the lips and opened your eyes

37.   Goodbye to my hopes and dreams

38.   I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain

39.   Trust me, you'll make it through

40.   I know that I'm running out of time

41.   You had to catch your breath, got such a surprise

42.   Might be over now, but I feel it still

43.   Every now and then she makes you just a little bit crazy

44.   And you always forgot how it feels to live in his lies

45.   I wanna watch you undress

46.   It was your first cigarette

47.   But friends keep telling you what he did last night

48.   give-me-some-more girl

49.   In that moment he made you forgot how it feels when he's gone

50.   I know that it's wrong Still I run right into you

51.   I would rather we just go our different ways

52.   And now you're feeling like you miss him

53.   And you try to remember that there's no way you could ever be friends

54.   You better get your shit together

55.   He's out your system yeah it took you a while

56.   I know, 'cause I've been there too

57.   You and me together, forever

58.   I'ma disappear when they come for me

59.   You surround me, pull me, drown me then swallow me whole

60.   I shake and I shiver just to feel you breathe

61.   And all you want is just to hold her

62.   I forget who you used to be

63.   She's like a one-way ticket cause you can't come back

64.   You're way too young to be broken

65.   You pull me in close And buckle my knees

66.   I know it must seem frightening To have the world fall apart right under your shoes

67.   And I bit my lip the second you sipped The poison that was mixed for me

68.   You're way too young to play these games

69.   'Cause there are deeper and darker things than you

70.   From the beating of your heart

71.   Everything's turning dark to you

72.   I'm not the one Who wants to hurt you

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Seen Part III

Mary Sue woke early Sunday morning to her cell phone ringing; not the landline. She’d stayed up into the wee hours of the morning talking landline to landline with Joe Saturday after their magical reunion Friday. She jumped to answer the ringing despite her meager three hours of sleep, hoping it was Joe. It wasn’t. Joe wouldn’t cost her minutes when the odds were she was home. He’d always try home first. It was Steven. She expected to never hear from him again, and was disappointed he’d failed to meet those expectations. She briefly considered letting it go to voicemail, but was afraid he’d just keep calling if she did that, so she picked up. He didn’t let her say, “Hello.”

“OK, Ems. You made your point. I can’t believe you haven’t called at all since Friday.”

“Why’d you call the cell number?”

“No idea where you’d be.”

“At 7:30 on Sunday morning? I’ve barely slept. You’re burning minutes for me here.”

He ignored her concern with the potential increase in her monthly bill and continued, “I can’t believe you walked out on me over five bucks for bums.”

“I can. I wish I’d done it sooner. Way sooner. And did it ever occur to you that you abandoned me Friday night over a five dollar donation? You just...left me downtown alone because I did something pretty minor you disagreed with. What if something had happened to me?”

“That’s why I’m calling now.”

“I can feel the love, Steven. I thought it was clear enough Friday, but since I guess it’s not, it’s over. Don’t call me again. We’re not going out together anymore. Over.”

“What?!”

“Pretty sure ya heard me and again...tick tock on the minutes here. I’m hanging up...”

“Don’t! Please! I...I...”

“You what?”

“I’m...s-sorry? I...please don’t do this, Ems. What am I gonna say to Rodney and Clint and Mom and Dad and…?”

“Say whatever. They all don’t care about me at all anyway. Who cares? Goodbye.” She huffed and tossed and turned for a few minutes, unable to settle, and stared at the cradled cordless instead of her cell. “Don’t,” she said out loud to herself. She rolled away from the temptation but it still called to her. “He’s sleeping,” she said again, to her empty apartment. “I’m sure he’s sleeping. It’s intrusive and inconsiderate to call now,” she argued with herself as she scooted closer to the nightstand and grabbed the receiver. She looked at the alarm clock and excused herself somewhat. “It’s almost eight,” she conceded, dialing.

“Hmm? ‘Searly onna off day,” Joe’s groggy sleep-voice mumbled as a general answer on the third ring. She felt disgusted with herself that she’d woken him for essentially no reason besides she was awake and thinking about him.

“I’m sorry, Joey. I...”

“Rice Chex?! You alright?!” he asked, exponentially more alert. Worried.

“I’m...fine. I just...woke up early and...now I can’t go back to sleep and it was really dumb and selfish to call you but...I did. And now you’re...”

“I’m glad you called.”

“You are? But I woke you up. I mean...”

“Was thinking about you.”

“You were sleeping.”

“That doesn’t normally stop me from thinking about you. Seriously though? Was gonna call you...y’know a little later than this...and see if you wanted to do Sunday dinner at Nanna D’s. With me. Today.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah. Is that...am I cutting too many corners here? Like...I’m counting the four years. To me, this isn’t day three. It’s day like...2500...”

“No, me too. I’m...cut the corners. Should I bring something?”

“Just you and an appetite for actual Italian food.”

“Well...done. This is...ok? Does your family even...like me still?”

“Uh...yes.”

“Did you tell them…? What did you tell them? Am I crashing Nanna D’s Sunday dinner?!”

“I talked to Mom yesterday before I called you and I said I might be bringing a date today. I didn’t tell her it’s you. I wanna surprise everybody.”

“What did she think about you bringing a date today when you mentioned it? Also...might?! You might be bringing a date? The hell, Joey?!” she laughed.

“I didn’t know if you’d wanna come, so I didn’t wanna give my mom anything without a ‘might.’ She was horrified about me bringing somebody, by the way. I’m sure all my aunts and cousins and Nanna D are melting down about it chopping tomatoes for Sunday gravy right now.”

“I thought you said...”

“They love you. They’ve always loved you. Mom was upset because...I...I haven’t brought anybody to Nanna D’s for dinner in four years.”

Mary Sue’s breath caught in her throat, supremely touched by what he’d said. She wanted to eloquently profess love for him back, but the only words she could form were, “Oh, Joey.”

“I can’t really...y’know...wine and dine you like you’ve probably been for...whatever, but I can take you with me to Nanna D’s. Food’s better. And free. And you’ll make Nanna’s...year. And Mom and Dad’s. And probably John’s. And...definitely mine. You’ll make my life.”

“Mine too. I kinda miss Nanna D.” Joe’s Nanna’s house was one of the few places Mary Sue had ever gone that felt like home. Home the way Paul Simon sang about it; the way instant coffee and long distance calling company commercials and Norman Rockwell paintings portrayed ‘home.’ Nanna D’s house was warm and welcoming and soothing like hot soup on a cold day. It always smelled like basil and oregano and fresh lemons and Nanna D hugged the same way Joe did. She probably taught Joe how to hug. She remembered one of her first dates with Steven when she’d arrived back here, so close to her past but still so far away, stressed out about really finishing a doctorate program; really getting on a tenure track to become a literature professor in college; really making something of herself. He’d taken her to see some movie where police officers pulled up in front of a downtown rowhouse with bright green outdoor carpeting up the five front stairs and covering the small square concrete block porch at the top, separating the steps from the entry door. A wave of comfort washed over her and she remembered the charge of happiness and connection. ‘That’s just like Nanna D’s house,’ she cheerfully noted to herself maybe a second before Steven began laughing. “What a trashy place. That’s not real. Nobody really puts astroturf on the front porch,” he snarked. Another time she should have just ended things with him. ‘Nanna D has astroturf on the front porch. That’s my home. That’s my family. That’s my Nanna,’ she thought in quiet rage, but of course she never said anything. Because in a way, Steven wasn’t wrong. The point of the movie scene was to show that it was a trashy place. Some run down, older, working class hovel in Detroit or Chicago or New York City...some harsh and believable ‘inner city-bad neighborhood’ setting for the privileged class to consume another violent crime drama. But it wasn’t a bad neighborhood to Mary Sue; it was Nanna D’s house; it was where she ate spaghetti and meatballs on Sundays with Her Joe and got all those hugs and heard all those loud, bawdy laughs from his big, loving family who loved her too.

“All the Disibios miss you. They’re gonna...my mom might cry. Be ready.” He yawned loudly.

“I should go and let you sleep...”

“You should call me when you think of me. Every single time. I’ll be happy every single time because you’re thinking about me. I don’t care if you’re panicked or proud or you don’t even have a reason. Whatever it is, I’ll be happy. Happy to help. Happy to listen. Happy to share what you wanna tell me. Happy to just hear your voice. I’m awake. I won’t go back to real sleep now, even if you let me go and I close my eyes in bed again. I’ll just think about you until it turns back into dreaming.”

“That’s...something to say,” she said breathlessly.

“I held it all in last time. That got me nowhere with nothing. I’m saying it now.”

“I’m gonna say it now too.”

“I’ll come get you at about four...”

“I’ll come get you. It’s silly for you to drive here and then drive all the way back to...”

“You’re not coming here to my place.”

“You’re serious about that? So it’s small and older. Who cares? I don’t buy ‘bad neighborhood.’ My neighborhood is probably full of drugs and sex offenders too. It’s right off a college campus and sometimes you can hear the stupid parties from Greek Life houses. You’re not ashamed of where you live now after all the shit we’ve already been through with…?”

“No. And now I don’t want you at your place alone either, honestly. I know you...I don’t want you coming here. Especially not without me with you. I’m happy to come pick you up.” It seemed like a small difference; Joe’s insistence on keeping her safe; taking care of her; looking out for her, but it wasn’t small.

“Okay. I’ll...I’ll cook for you maybe. Soon. Tuesday? Monday I assume will be...exhausting for us both at work since...”

“I’ll be there Tuesday. And at four. Don’t know why you’re up, but you need more sleep for Nanna D’s. It’s gonna be a lot. Think you could take a nap now before four if…?”

“Can you?”

“I’m kinda eager to.”

“I’m so sorry I woke you up. I knew it was...”

“I’m not sorry you woke me up. Will just make getting back to that dream more vivid.”

“I see,” she coyly replied. “Yeah, I can probably take a nap.”

“Sweet dreams, My Rice Chex.”

***

“Look who I found playing music on the street at night with my punk friends, Mom...” Joe tormented his mother, moving aside to display Mary Sue upon arrival at his grandmother’s house.

“Omigod, Joey! Is that our girl?!” his mother squealed. “Ma, it’s our Mary Sue! Look at her! Johnny, look at her!” she called to Joe’s grandmother and his father in separate parts of the house.

“I see her, dollbaby,” Joe’s dad replied with a satiated grin to his wife, who, predictably, had begun to cry. She hugged Mary Sue and then stood back at arm’s length and put her straightened fingers out to cradle Mary Sue’s chin.

“Look at you,” she said.

“It’s...it’s so good to see you,” Mary Sue sniffed, softly crying and wiping rogue tears from her cheeks before they touched Joe’s mother’s hands.

“Don’t you cry, sweetheart. Omigod. Joey, you evil little shit. How do you not tell your mother you’re bringing Mary Sue to dinner? Ma is gonna...”

Nanna D shuffled out of the kitchen with a dishtowel on her shoulder. She looked Mary Sue over with a Mona Lisa smile. “This is heaven for my Joey, I know,” she murmured into Mary Sue’s ear, engulfing her in one of those Nanna D hugs. “How is it for you, love?”

“Better than that, Mrs. Disibio.”

“Why would you call me Mrs. Disibio?”

“I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”

“The words.” Nanna D’s smile grew and she patted Mary Sue’s face. “You’re not being that big old word, love. Are you in town to see your family?”

“She’s living by the college, Nanna. Graduate school. Is here now. She’s gonna be a professor. Of books. In like a year or so. Now the studyin’ is really her writing a big...I mean, book, almost, right? About books?” Joe explained to his grandmother, but really his whole family, beaming with pride and turning to Mary Sue for authentication.

“Yeah, that’s about it, Nanna,” she sighed.

“You shouldn’t miss anymore Sundays, then,” Nanna D gently commanded, with the clear implication that she considered the previous four years of absences as Mary Sue being unfortunately and unavoidably busy.

“I won’t miss anymore if Joey wants me to be here.”

“He definitely does,” Joe said.

They spent the evening with the Disibio family, Mary Sue soaking up the timeless feeling of home and Joe having his patience and loyalty validated, looking at her snapping right into the void in his heart perfectly. All the people he loved the most were in the same room while they ate big plates of carbonara and ravioli with Nanna D’s slow cooked red sauce, just like they had been five years in the past, when Joe felt like his life was the best. Only it was more now; better now. Now Mary Sue wasn’t obliging him, and she didn’t feel trapped, and she was on her own way. She just steered so his family was a frequent stop; so he was part of the journey; maybe he was even the destination. After eating, Mary Sue went into the kitchen with the Disibios to clean up and then out to what Nanna D called ‘the family room’ to sit next to Joe. He couldn’t stop looking at her with wide, dancing eyes; couldn’t help reaching out to comb through the ends of her hair or hold her hand, or stretch an arm around her, or rest his palm on her knee. She tired a bit, from so much social connection after years of stagnation, and a big carbohydrate loaded meal, and rested her cheek on his shoulder. That’s when Joe’s mother started digging in her purse.

“Aw, Jesus, Mom. No. Not the camera,” Joe begged.

“We don’t have any photos of you with Mary Sue. We didn’t have a camera and then...and you look just like when...except you need to get rid of the scruff on your face but…” Joe’s mother didn’t want to say her entire thought process and motivation out loud, but Joe could figure her out. She wanted a photo in case it was the last time. She didn’t even have a photo from the last ‘last time,’ and she didn’t want that to happen again. It was an insurance policy. Instead she continued to Mary Sue, “Joey and John got me this fancy camera last Mother’s Day and now they both lose their shit whenever I try and use it. It’s so nice, Mary. It shows you the pictures on this screen right after you take ‘em. And if somebody sneezed or blinked or somethin’, you can just delete it and take it over. A do-over. Ya didn’t useta get those with takin’ pictures. Lemme get one-a you with Joey there. Your pretty face. See if you can get ‘im to shave that beard...”

***

“Sure you don’t wanna go out?” Joe asked as he shrugged off his jacket inside Mary Sue’s apartment door upon his Tuesday night arrival.

“I’m actually pretty sick of going out.”

“Shit, you used to wanna go out as much as you could.”

“That was Old Mary Sue. Now I’ve been out. It’s all...not worth it. I’m excited to hang out with you here. Make dinner and just...have you here. I’d so rather be on the roof of your truck, pirating a live baseball game, than anything I’ve done out in the past four years.”

“I loved doing that with you. And Nanna D’s dinners. And working at the chili parlor. And just hanging out in Jen’s mom’s basement. Doing...nothing. But I thought you hated it.”

“I thought I did too, but I really loved it. That last guy? We always went out with some of his friends and they all told all these glory days stories about concerts and beach trips on spring breaks and ski trips on winter ones and shit. And they’d razz me until I eventually just stopped talking altogether because all my stories were sitting in someone’s car in a parking lot or sitting in someone’s basement or having dinner at someone’s house. Like connection didn’t count to them unless it was out in public for other people to see, spending money. But it dawned on me that they weren’t connecting doing any of that shit. It was stuff to buy and do with their time to feign or avoid connecting. They do stuff so they can say they did it to someone else. It’s like they don’t actually experience anything. They just go places to collect ticket stubs and take pictures to prove they were there. I miss just...being with you. Seeing you. I love talking on the phone with you and all, but now I just...wanna see you all the time.”

“I wish I could say that could be arranged, but I gotta work, and so do...you? I assume you’re working. Right? You gotta be to live here and not back with your folks, commuting. And you made quiche for dinner...”

“I get my grad school candidate/assistant professor’s stipend. That’s what pays for all the luxury you see,” she kidded. “And I don’t think I could move home. Like I don’t think Mom and Dad would...this was the goal of their life. For me to not live with them anymore. Right? Also, quiche is just scrambled eggs with cheese and chopped up leftovers baked in a grocery store frozen pie shell. All those country clubs and snooty restaurants with dress codes and shit are actually kinda cheaping out. Telling you. Rich people are cheap unless they think they’re impressing somebody by spending.”

Joe felt a little ache for her, talking about her parents not wanting her living back home. They’d never been as close as his family, and Mary Sue often tried to shield him from the darker parts of her life at home, but he knew enough to know there were dark parts. She liked to say how much her family loved her, but he was fairly certain she was saying it to convince herself it was real. They only showed up for her when she did something to fulfill some big expectation they had of her. Her family was the origin story of why she was always working so hard to prove herself; worthy, deserving, good, better, more. The only pleasure Joe ever saw her get from connection with her own family was when she did something they could point at and use to prove they were worthy, deserving, good, better, more, because they had to be if she did that thing; they made her, after all. He answered everything she’d said except that part, because he didn’t have an answer. “You joke, but you have an actual thermostat. I have steam heat and a window A/C unit. And maybe the ingredients are common, but I am damn near certain I’d fuck up a quiche. It kind of is luxury. And they’re paying you to go to school?!” he laughed, hoping for playful banter instead of heavy thoughts about her family.

“If you go to school long enough and are pretty good at it, they start paying you to go.”

“I’ve heard something like that about community college. Go long enough they make you the teacher. But...” He was relieved for the wisecracks, and took a seat at her tiny dining table and dug into his dinner as soon as she sat down too.

“Oh, it works that way with all college, actually. Just with a traditional university, you either have to develop an anxiety disorder trying to keep a scholarship, or shoulder like a hundred grand of debt for...most if not all of the rest of your life in order to get paid enough to live in this apartment.”

“So My Smarty Rice Chex won’t have the debt cloud because of the scholarship. And when the thesis is finally finished, then you’re a what?”

“Hopefully I get an associate professorship in American literature.”

“Associate Professorship. Professor Rice.”

“Doctor Rice. Just not that kind of doctor.”

“I’m prouda you. You really...did it.”

“Almost.”

“No, it’s gonna happen. Why would you...you sure you wanna...with me?”

“Joey. Of course I’m sure. I...um...are you...not sure about this?”

“I’m still kinda scared I’m not enough. I don’t have plans to become...anything more or better...than me.”

“Good. I like My Joe as is.”

“Before...”

“I was really really wrong before. I’m different now. I know what more and better is. I know if you want more and better, it’s not somewhere else. You can’t go out and find it. You make it at home.”

“That’s...something to say.” He wiped his hands and mouth on his napkin and smiled across the table at her.

“Told My Joe I was saying it now.”

“And you are.” She stood to clear dishes and clean up and he hovered around her to help, but she refused him.

“Just go...I dunno. I’ll clean up. And then I’ll come out and… You wanna...stay tonight?”

“That’s...wow, Rice Chex, you’re really saying it now,” he nervously chuckled from her sofa.

“You...don’t wanna…?” she stuttered with obvious disappointment and embarrassment.

“Oh, no. That’s not...I like...incredibly a lot want to. It’s just...I gotta go to work in the morning and you probably do too, and if I start...if we...uh...I can see me making some unwise decisions about tomorrow if I stay here tonight.”

“OK. Not tonight. I get it. I guess.”

“I honestly can’t even believe you asked,” he snickered.

“Well, fortune rewards the bold.”

“Is that what it does? What book’s that out of?”

“It’s an old Latin translation that’s been quoted all over the place for centuries. It’s probably in a few books. It means...”

“I know what it means. It means Mary Sue Rice ditches rides to tip street trumpet players and then asks them to spend the night with her.”

“And then she gets to talk to the trumpet player every day and see him a lot and has a little prospect off on the horizon in the distance that he’ll stay all night. Someday. Hopefully soon. Maybe someday he’ll even...just...never leave. Ever.”

“That’s bold alright.”

“Those are some impressive rewards.” He smirked at her, his ego inflated.

“Maybe someday, he will just never leave.”

“Maybe someday, he’ll get a house with me that has a carport or a garage to park Ol’ Cherry in and he’ll play La Vie En Rose on that trumpet at two o’clock some Saturday afternoon. And no one will care. Except her. She’ll care. She loves that song. She loves hearing him play it.”

“That sounds like a nice someday. Sounds like he’s getting the rewards for her being bold.”

“So? Maybe she thinks he deserves a lot more rewards than he gets. Maybe someday in that house, he’ll teach their kid to play La Vie En Rose on the trumpet at two o’clock some Saturday afternoon...”

“Alright on that one? No.”

“No?” The smarting letdown showed on her face until he diagrammed his reasoning.

“If I got lucky enough to have a someday that gives me ‘our kid?’ Our kid gets real music lessons. I’ll work two, three jobs if our kid wants to play music. So they can have real lessons. Learn how to read music. Sit right. Alla that.”

“Just because you didn’t get the formal education doesn’t make you...less...Joey. Believe me, I know without a doubt that formal education doesn’t make anybody more or better. That’s probably the most important thing I learned in college.”

“Formal education gets you options. If our kid wants to make a life outta music, formal education gives them that option. I’m not mad I didn’t get it. It wasn’t something my family...but...our kid will have that option. Our kid won’t have to drive a forklift. Or wait tables at the chili parlor. They can. But they can also be a college book professor or first chair at the Cincinnati Symphony playing...something. Or maybe they’ll play the trumpet in the Great Funk Revival of 2025 or something. You aren’t the only one who learned important stuff while you were in college.”

She’d finished in the kitchen, putting things away and wiping up mess, and joined him. She briefly thought of sitting on his lap but suddenly got shy. “You know...if there’s a someday where we get ‘our kid?’ I’m...I mean, part of that someday is that I’m a tenured literature professor. And that means...you wouldn’t have to work two or three jobs. You might not even have to work one.”

“What did I ever do to deserve that kinda someday?”

“You’re My Joe.” He shook his head and closed his eyes and threaded his fingers into her hair to kiss her. They reclined, him over her, a tangle of limbs and racing heartbeats. “If you’re not gonna stay, can I see you again tomorrow?” she daringly panted.

“You really…?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll come over after work. I’ll bring over...”

“You. I’ll figure out food. Just bring over you. Your face. Your voice. Your hands. You.”

“I can do that.” He smiled, gratified and eased.

“And Thursday.” They adjusted to a more wholesome version of enmeshed with one another and she crinkled his tshirt in her fists, under his unbuttoned flannel shirt.

“Thursday I gotta bring something. Fried chicken from Guster’s? Burgers?”

“I don’t think I’ve had Guster’s fried chicken in...”

“Four years? Yeah, that’s Thursday then. Before you say Friday, I can’t. Will’s trying to collect some money to buy an engagement ring for his girl, so we’ve been...I promised like five Friday nights and two Saturday’s in the next six weeks. I can’t just...”

“Of course you can’t skip that. You can’t skip it for you. You have to play. I’ll be alright.”

“It’s not like we won’t see each other again. Right?”

“Right.”

***

“That smells so goooood,” Mary Sue moaned opening the door to Joe with hot fried chicken and biscuits.

“None of the college guys brought you Guster’s? None of them? Amateurs.” They each took seats and hungrily grabbed the food from the paper bag, devouring it with their eyes and noses before getting it into their mouths.

“They were amateurs,” she said as daintily as possible with a mouthful of chicken thigh. “But even if they would have known the ground they could gain with Guster’s fried chicken, they wouldn’t have brought it here. None of them have even been inside the apartment.”

“What?!” Joe nearly choked on his mashed potatoes.

“The only men who’ve been inside the apartment are my dad and Andy. I guess you can count Andy as a man now that he’s eighteen.”

“Didn’t you say you went out with whatsisface for like two years? He never came to your apartment? Ever? How’s that even possible?”

“I drove to his place and then we’d go out. He still lived at home with his parents. In a goddam mansion. Like, they would never call it a mansion, and his parents complained about the neighborhood and the upkeep on the house and shit, but like...it was a mansion, Joey. Six bedrooms, four baths, four car garage for three people. They had this...you know that cobalt blue blown glass chandelier over the information desk at the art museum?”

“Yeah...” Joe had been to the Cincinnati Art Museum about a hundred times; every time with Mary Sue. It was free with donation. Mary Sue put dollar bills in the box when she had them and counted found change when she didn’t. He loved the museum because it was one of her favorite places to be. Somewhere they could go and talk and be together and look at beautiful things people throughout history created without being expected to buy something with money they didn’t have.

“His house has a chandelier that big in the foyer. First of all they have a foyer and they call it a foyer without even thinking it’s strange they’re using the word foyer. But past that, they have this huge fucking crystal chandelier hanging in it. So the first time I go in there, I said, ‘Wow,’ out loud, because like...wow. Right? And Steven starts in on how much of a pain in the ass it is and they have to hire this specialty company to clean it twice a year. The cleaning bill was five thousand dollars. Just the cleaning bill. For the chandelier. Which they paid two of in a year. So that’s ten thousand dollars...”

“If I added up the vehicles of all my immediate family members, I think it’d still be less than ten grand.”

“Exactly. So I’m gonna invite that guy to my apartment? He shit on my car. He shit on my clothes...”

“Your clothes?! How…? You look...well you look like you don’t belong with a schmuck like me; that’s for sure...”

“You’re not a schmuck. He is though. He shit on taking me to the art museum. Both because it’s technically free and also because only nerds who are trying to hard to impress people actually go to museums. Liking and appreciating anything at all seemed to be a reason to make fun of me.”

“Your folks ever meet that guy?”

“No way! My place is nicer than their place!”

“But your parents...”

“’Whatever it takes to fit in there, Mary Sue. Make something of yourself...’”

“So they’re fine that you’re dating some dumb fucker who left you downtown without a ride as long as it means maybe someday you can live in a house that has a chandelier that costs more than my Nanna’s entire house? That’s...like...it’s pissing me off, Rice Chex.”

“I get it, obviously. It pisses me off too, but it’s...it’s not worth you getting...who cares? About...any of them? They don’t care about me. They think sending me into that world and making me feel shitty for ever coming back home is somehow the best thing they could have done for me. You’re here. You’d never leave me downtown. You’re...proud of me.”

“Of course I am. I think they’re all idiots for making you feel like...you feel. You don’t have anything to prove to me, Rice Chex. You never have, you know? I already knew in tenth grade you were better than all the rest of these shitheads.”

“I just wanna be good enough for you.”

“You passed that up a long time ago. You started out too good for me. That scares the shit outta me all the time I’m with you now.”

“You’re better than all the rest of those shitheads. I wasn’t smart enough to know that in tenth grade, but I know it now.” She licked the grease from her fingers and crumpled up a couple of napkins, turning abashedly away from him.

“Oh no, I brought dinner this time, I’m cleaning it up. It’s not even any work,” he said, crunching chicken bones and trash into the emptied bag and tossing it into her kitchen wastebasket. She remained at the dining table, her knees curled to her chest in the chair, closing herself in with folded arms, and staring again at the center of the table. “Hey,” he said, lifting her chin to look him in the eyes after he washed his hands at the kitchen sink. “I’ve never felt anything but lucky that you were ever a part of my life. You’ve done nothing but make my life better. With or without college. Whatever you drove. Wherever you lived. Even when we weren’t even… You’re My Rice Chex. And if somebody...anybody else thinks you need to...well, they’re just fucking wrong.”

“I really wish you were staying tonight.”

“I do too. I got a long day tomorrow though. Work then...y’know...”

“Yeah, I know. La Vie En Rose.”

***

Mary Sue flipped through endless basic cable channels, wholly dissatisfied with the offerings. She didn’t wish she was out; she wished Joe was in with her. Then it would cease to matter what was on television; even if it was all garbage, they’d have fun watching it together. Or not watching it together. She used to judge people she knew for moving in with partners too quickly. What if it didn’t work out? How can you trust them? Is the break in expenses really worth the potential future damage? But she wanted to ask Joe to live with her now, after what substantially amounted to a week together to anyone on the outside of what she was in. She didn’t care about what was on the outside anymore. She felt as though she’d spent her whole life on the outside, except with Joe. And the four years outside with him were more than enough for a lifetime. She wanted back in. She wanted in forever. She wanted to be inside, with Joe, forever. But right now, she accepted that he was out.

She closed her eyes and imagined him setting up on Main and 9th to play; his long legs and heavy boots sprawled wide, his shoulders touching the top of the flimsy chair back, slunk to the edge of the seat to camouflage his height, his feet stationed around the money. She saw those nimble hands holding the trumpet to those strong, soft lips to play. She sighed. She’d seen him play outside once, and for most of her observation she didn’t even know it was him, and she’d already tattooed the imagery of him into her head to study in fantasy. She loved his hands; she loved his lips; she loved those long legs; his shoulders; his everything. She returned to his fingers and lips. He really had such gorgeous lips; slender, powerful fingers. She wanted them on her now, but he was playing music now, so she reanimated the past. She rewound the goodbye kisses she’d received since the previous Friday night and then rewound further to when they’d gone further when they were younger. Joe was the only man Mary Sue ever wanted to touch her. She’d allowed others to, but they were always fumbling and hurried, and either coarse and stingy or too faint and fearful and delicate. Joe was her first and her best, which she knew was rare when it came to lovemaking, especially when first wasn’t also ‘only.’ But that was Joe. First and best and rare. Anyone could see the kind of lover he was if they paid attention to how he handled any instrument he played. Careful and relaxed and strong and gentle, but the best part of Joe was his instincts, fed by a keen ear. He listened. He saw. He paid attention. And without needing to read the notes and timing, he could expertly play all the songs she wanted to hear. She thought of their first time together and how careful he’d been without being faint and fearful and delicate. She thought of every time they were together. She lost herself for probably a few hours, in a nebulous liminal space between being awake and asleep, dreaming of Joe and his lips and his fingers and his legs and shoulders and voice, and the way he touched her and held her, and her thoughts were so lively and real, she could almost feel him there with her when he wasn’t.

She lunged for her phone. It startled her. She’d been fairly zoned out and nearly asleep on the couch with the television on. “Can I see you? I know it's late, but can I see you...tonight?”

“Where are you?” she chirped, full of butterflies that it was Joe. She began pacing in front of the couch, too wired from her reverie and hearing Joe’s voice to hold still any longer.

She started for her bedroom to find suitable attire for a date when she heard an abrupt knock on her door. She eyeballed the peephole. It was Joe on his cell phone. He looked great. More than great. Better than great. She looked terrible. She was watching Seinfeld reruns on cable in faded pink sweats and bunny slippers. She opened the door anyway. They simultaneously hung up their phones.

“Hi.”

“Hi. Been missing you. Come in, I guess. Even though I look like this now.”

“You look lovely,” he said, walking purposefully too close to her, making sure he touched her. “La Vie En Rose.”

“You're a liar.” She closed the door and started back to the living room.

“It's never mattered what you're wearing. You're still the best thing in the room to look at. Did you really miss me?” he said, facing her. He brushed her messy hair away from her face.

“Yes, I did,” she replied, pressing her hand over his on her cheek. She placed her other hand gingerly to the side of his face. “You shaved your beard,” she gratuitously stated. She skated over his newly smooth skin with her fingertips. He looked more familiar, like Her Joe, but somehow also brand new without the beard. He smelled good. She liked the way he smelled even straight from a day of warehouse work, because he was Her Joe, but this was a clean good. A freshly showered and shaved good.

“Better to see me with, my dear. Are you seeing anyone right now?” he needlessly asked.

“Just you.”

“I didn’t mean extremely literally...”

“I know. There’s just you. You’re the only...I haven’t had much luck seeing people.”

“I can't really understand that, actually. I don't understand why you're home on a Friday night. Home alone, anyway. You were out last weekend...”

“Well, it was stupid of me to be out last weekend. Stupid people. Stupid place...”

“I’m glad you were. You made it not a stupid place. If you’re there, it can’t be stupid. I missed you too, Rice Chex. Honestly thought I’d never see you again.”

“Here I am. You’re seeing a lot of me now. And I'm not home alone anymore. You're here, keeping me from falling asleep on the couch with my bunny slippers and my old sitcoms.”

“The bunny slippers are making it kinda hard to control myself.”

“You showing up here is making it hard to control myself. Was...was...thinking about you. A lot. Before you called.”

“Were ya now? I was thinking about you a lot while I was playing tonight. I wasn’t thinking about the bunny slippers though. Those are...man. I’d have probably made some sour notes or maybe even forgotten where I was if I knew about those,” he kidded. “What were you thinking about me?”

“How much I love your lips.” He blushed, and a rascally, open mouthed smirk painted his face. He quite deliberately ran his tongue across his lips. “And you’re...you look like...never seen you look like this before.” He was wearing what seemed to be a tailored three piece suit, still no tie, though. And classic wingtips, shined to a high gloss. And a thick leather strap over one shoulder.

“You like it?”

“I mean...yes. It’s probably...similar to your bunny slippers problem.”

“I can clean up. Wanted to show you I can look like I belong...with you. Wherever you go.”

“Did you wear...this...to play with...you wore this out to play on the street?”

“No. I wore this to come see My Rice Chex.”

“What's that for?” She nodded suspiciously toward the instrument case slung over his shoulder. She felt her face flush and her body hum. Just being that close to Joe was arousing, but he’d purposefully come for her. With the guitar. The extravagant, wasteful, impractical...romantic...guitar.

“You're gonna suck all the romance out of this, huh?” he playfully asked as he took the guitar out.

“Watch how loud you strum that thing. I live an apartment just like you, you know. We’re not out on the corner of Main and 9th right now.” She attempted a stern scolding but it came out in a nervous, thrilled chime. “Tell me, do you think it'd be alright,” he began singing, quietly, just as she asked. “If I could just crash here tonight? You can see I'm in no shape for driving, and anyway, I've got no place to go. And you know, it might not be that bad. You were the best I ever had. If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago, I might not be alone...” He could tell she wanted to say something, so filled with unusual optimism, he just played and stopped singing.

“You’re here. You’re here and I can’t believe you’re singing to me and...”

He started singing again, “The past is gone, but something might be found to take it's place, Hey Jealousy!”

“Joey, please,” she said over his quiet guitar playing.“Stop.” She stretched her fingers over his guitar strings, making the notes go flat.

“I thought about this every day since last Friday night. Every time I hear this song, I think about you. Practically since fucking 1992 when it came out, even though you didn’t even kiss me until 1995. I really miss you.”

“This is the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me. I mean, except for last Friday. Which was you too. I’m the one who ruined everything...selfish and short-sighted and...fucking...” She shook her head at herself because she was unable to come up with the right Future Literature Professor synonym for ‘uppity asshole.’

“We'll make it work this time.” He carefully placed the guitar back in its case and reached out for her hand with confidence.

“It's late. And I messed up so bad then. And you're so...way too good for me now...”

“What?! Uneducated hometown boyfriend here. You’re about to become a university literature professor and you got real furniture and glass glasses and shit in your apartment...”

“From IKEA...”

“Still. You DO have more. And better. Like...that was...correct...and...Rice Chex I think you got everything backwards here. But that’s fine. Be backwards. We can still make it work. It'll be different now that you're almost out of school and you’re...here. You’re choosing...me. On purpose. I won't have anything to be jealous about.”

“You weren’t jealous.”

“I was. You were right. I was jealous and scared I’d lose you, so I just went and made sure it happened. Like a fool.”

“Well, you were right too, though. You were right first, actually. I was ashamed. Of my family, where I came from, of the school I went to, my situation...of myself...like...why do you always have to be RIGHT?” she asked after a long, cumbersome lull. He smiled and rested his forehead against hers.

“To piss you off.”

“Well you are SO good at it. Still!” He cracked a bigger smile.

“Rice Chex, let me ask you something...”

“OK. Go ahead.”

“If I woulda sang 'La Vie En Rose' instead....”

“Oh, I’d have gone right to bed with you,” she teased.

“You hurt me,” he replied with humor and sarcasm in his voice, but sincerity in his heart. He closed his eyes in a deliberate blink and flinched a little, like he was really taking a hit, but kept smiling.

“Hey?” She elbowed him softly in the ribs.

“Yes, Miss Rice?” He returned her familiar with counterfeit formality.

“You can crash here tonight.”

“You gonna go to bed with me anyway?” he chuckled.

“Yeah. Unless that was just...exaggerated musical romance.”

“I definitely meant it. You’re not ashamed to tell people you’re with a warehouse worker-slash-street performer? That he’s your high school flame? From your working class neighborhood? Roping you into an ordinary life that might end up right back where you started?”

“Of course not. I’m not ever gonna be ashamed again of what makes me happy. Of what I love.”

“You love me?”

“Always have.”

“I love you too, Rice Chex. Always have. But what about me could make you happy?”

“You see me.”

[philcatelinet]

I posted 1,361 times in 2022

43 posts created (3%)

1,318 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@icanbeyourriver

@supersnarky

@lifesgrandparade

@greenekatgrey

I tagged 28 of my posts in 2022

#hell yes - 1 post

#not great bob - 1 post

#sweden can have some eugenics ig - 1 post

#*coronavirus - 1 post

#*death - 1 post

#us and no - 1 post

#i grew up in the 80s and just missed nuclear war duck and cover drills - 1 post

#smbc - 1 post

#hiveworks - 1 post

#comic - 1 post

Longest Tag: 94 characters

#sorry if this is a spoiler but the book has been out for years and the show aired 10 years ago

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I had to share my impressions of the New York Philharmonic in the newly renovated David Geffen Hall. For reference: our seats were on the orchestra level, row EE, in the center rear of the hall just under the first tier. For further reference: I’ve been a season-ticket subscriber to the NY Philharmonic since 2007. They have performed in the same hall since 1964 but it just underwent a renovation that fixed its notoriously bad acoustics, moved the stage forward by 30 feet so the audience is closer, and updated all the facilities. Tonight’s concert was Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 22 and Bruckner’s Symphony No. 7, two of my favorite pieces by two of my favorite composers.

I love the sound of the renovated hall. I’ve never FELT the Philharmonic’s sound like I did tonight. The basses and cellos, and all the strings, had a depth to their sound. I could hear the articulations more than ever. All of the instruments could be heard more clearly than before. I thought the delicacy of the Mozart piano concerto came out and that the piano was almost too soft compared to the orchestra. Maybe the piano was too loud before? Or the orchestra was straining to be heard over the piano? I thought the concerto was lovely nevertheless.

Bruckner’s Symphony No. 7 was incredible. I was hanging on every note. The brass sounded clear as bells. It helped that all of the brass were in the center of the stage, behind the winds, (and directly in front of where we were sitting in the center rear of the hall) instead of off to the side and way in the back like they used to be. I could feel those gorgeous brass chorales in the second movement. And the cymbal crash and timpani roll at the climax of the second movement was like an explosion of sound! There were other little things that I hadn’t noticed all the times I’d heard the piece before, like harmonies in the winds, or the first horn doubling the cellos in the opening, or some sharp menacing notes from the basses in the finale.

I almost feel cheated for all the years that I heard this orchestra in the old hall. I didn’t know what I was missing! I can’t wait to go back and hear them play there again. We have tickets to 3 more concerts this season and I might have to go by myself once or twice.

6 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

#4

See the full post

7 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

#3

FreshDirect misdelivered someone else’s order to our building and now there’s fresh produce and two cases of Lacroix sitting in the hallway. I feel bad about food waste but we don’t have that much room in our refrigerator for more produce. And would taking the food be stealing, like taking someone’s package?

On the other hand FreshDirect is not going to come back and pick up this order and redeliver it. So it’s going to sit in the hallway for a couple of days and then one of us will put it in the trash.

8 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

#2

We’ve gone all black for concert dress! I’m taking this look to our orchestra concert just off Times Square tonight.

8 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I made one of my favorite dinners: Cook’s Illustrated’s chicken parmesan, and I added some pepperoni because why the hell not? And some sautéed green beans for our health, and a Sicilian red blend.

9 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →