#and now its past midnight and im so tired and so. fucked up

[electricpurrs]

i just finished spark 3. im officially done with the series. i AM GOING INSANE. I INSANEEEE. ASYLUM. AAAAUUHUYGHAHGAHAHHH. UEEEEWEEEEEE UUGHGHGHVHGHGHA. UUUUUUUUUÚUUWUHEHSHSHSHHSJS

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[constantly-confused-queer]

My mood stabilizers is NOT working tonight holy shit

[fruityhoon]

eat with me

soft yandere!hee x gn!reader

warnings/note: mentions of food, eating, hee’s a sweet boi here, fluff, slightly paranoid hee, NOT proofread (i wrote all of this half asleep so bare w me)

————

it was way past midnight and you couldn’t sleep, all you had was some leftover sandwich from the fridge for dinner so what better way was there than to eat?

only one problem..

you had to sneak past heeseung in order to be able to do that.

sure he was sweet and would do anything for you, but heeseung wasn’t the type to let his guard down and let you out of his sight especially past midnight, he’d always make sure you fell asleep first before he could catch some sleep. and if you were hungry, he’d make something light for you so your stomach wouldn’t be rumbling all night.

but tonight was a little different, he came back home exhausted, immediately taking a shower and laid next to you resulting in him falling asleep before you which was something he never did

and right now you took the opportunity and slowly climbed out of bed while making sure heeseung doesn’t feel your absence next to him

you went downstairs and headed into the kitchen, taking a look inside the fridge you noticed there wasn’t really anything for you to eat which lead you looking through the cabinets and voila!

instant noodles.

heeseung never really lets you get your hands on them as he quote on quote said, “it’s unhealthy and you should be eating proper meals instead”

‘why does he have a lot of them in the cabinet here then?’ you thought to yourself

taking 2 packs of the noodles, you dont know how but you managed to not make much noise and made yourself a nice bowl of shin ramyeon

———

he lazily opened his eyes, trying to find your warmth to then which he realised you werent there next to him.

immediately sitting up, heeseung grabbed his phone on the nightstand and opened an app to see if there were any notifications of the doors or windows being opened or even unlocked but there werent any

‘fuck fuck fuck where are they?’

the man got out of bed despite his hair being all over the place, wondering where you were while trying to keep himself calm

he was being paranoid, thinking you snuck out and ran away, cursing at himself for letting his guard down this one time until he heard faint noises coming from the kitchen

he walked over slowly and a sigh of relief came from him as he saw you in the kitchen about to eat your noodles

———

you were about to engulf your food when a pair of arms hugged you from the back, you flinched and let out a small yelp, almost knocking over your food

pulling away and turning around, you were met with a pair of bambi eyes looking straight at you before he hugged you again , resting his face in the crook of your neck

“dont do that to me again, you scared me” he lowly whispered in your ear as he hugged you even tighter, you could hear the fear in his voice

feeling bad you slowly pulled away and caressed his head and looked at your food

“im sorry.. i was really hungry but you looked really tired and exhausted before you slept so i didnt wanna wake you up” you looked down at your foot, feeling guilty that you made him feel scared

“i dont care how tired i look if you need anything just tell me okay? i’ll always be there no matter how exhausted i am and i need you to know that” you nodded as he cupped both of your cheeks before leaving a small peck on your forehead

“c’mere” you pulled him to the seat next you as you quickly got up to grab something, leaving the man confused

you came back to your seat as you handed him a pair of utensils and placed a glass of water on the table

“eat with me” you nudged the bowl slightly to his side, the man raising an eyebrow as a response

“you didnt eat anything today hee, its not like i can finish this anways, share with me okay?” you said as you gave him a soft smile

“baby its o-“

“if you dont share with me i’ll be really upset” you cut him off as you emphasised on the ‘really’, knowing he’d give in to you since you knew the last thing he wants is for you to be upset with him

and you were right. he spent too long waiting for you, now that he finally had you with him he wanted to treat you well and give you all he had. he was always listening to you, complying to your needs while always being cautious of course

but you didnt mind, although he was really overprotective he still made you feel loved and you felt safe with him and thats all that matters to you

“okay okay we’ll share” he let out a small giggle as he ruffled your hair and the both of you shared the bowl of ramen which was probably already soggy at this point

———

“your not mad.. right?” you spoke out as the both of you finished the food

“baby of course not, what makes you think that?” he looked at you as he frowned

“i don’t know i just thought you’d be mad” you got up and took the dishes to go wash them but he stopped you

“im not mad y/n, i just got a little scared that’s all” he took the dishes from your hands and walked over to the sink

you hugged him from behind as you mumbled out a quiet ‘sorry’ , resting ur cheeks on his back

“it’s okay, you wanna cuddle on the couch?” he dried his hands and turned to look at you to which you nodded

the both of you sat on the couch cuddling, your head on his chest and him leaning on your head, one of his hand gently caressing your back

cuddling sessions on the couch were always nice and it wasn’t until a few weeks ago the both of you started doing it

“please don’t leave me y/n, i don’t know what i’d do without you” he softly whispered out of nowhere, but you know it was just him overthinking

“i’ll be here, always” you responded as he smiled and started humming lullabies, something he’d do to make you sleepy

you fiddled with his other hand, slowly falling asleep to the melody you were hearing

and soon enough you fell asleep, heeseung noticed and kissed your forehead, dozing off not long after.

——————————————————————————

author’s note: im not really the type to write fluff but i just wrote down whatever came to mind honestly, let me know what yall think :D

[magniloquent-raven]

its midnight and im sleeby but i finished this thing i started scribbling out this afternoon based on @harringroveera 's post that i couldnt get outta my brain

i think i might have angsted it up a little cuz i can't help myself but its still cute so. pls enjoy

--

Billy's not super clear on where he is right now.

There are people everywhere. Yelling. Laughing. Music plays over a big fancy sound system. There's a blurry blue light glowing through glass sliding doors that he's been staring at for a little while 'cause it's…pretty. Twinkly and stuff. 

He's too many drinks past a good buzz, that much he's sure of. His head feels. Floaty. And heavy. And if he tries to move the room starts to spin. 

Whatever he's sitting on is comfy though. Soft. Softer than his damn mattress with that broken spring that's always stabbing him in the ribs. 

He's tired. Really tired.

Feels like he hasn't slept in months.

To his left a girl starts squealing as her boyfriend grabs her around the waist, to his right a speaker vibrates against the wall, buzzing to the beat of a deep bassline. Everything sounds far away, though. White noise blending together while the edges of his vision go fuzzy and faded.

He feels his head tip, just a little, and then—

With a sharp inhale he jolts, blinks, glancing around blearily at a silent, empty room.

It's still dark out. The blue glow still shimmers at him through glass. A lamp lights the room he's in. Everything's…shapes. Colours. His brain is still mushy.

He blinks a couple more times. His eyes are dry. Wobbly. All the shapes are wobbly.

"Hey, man, party's over." A voice startles him. He tries to look around, but it fucking hurts, and moving his head is so much work. Whatever, it's a nice voice. Way nicer than the jarring silence. 

Wait, why's the party over. He doesn't want the party to be over.

He wrinkles his nose. "Nooo…" 

"...Yeessss." There's a pause. "Everyone is gone, dude."

"No." Billy rubs his eyes. The chair is still so comfy. He sinks further into it, unwilling to move. "You're here."

"It's my house. I'm allowed to stay." The voice sounds amused. There's some rustling behind Billy. Plastic crinkling. Maybe. Something being moved around. "Why are you even here, anyways?" 

Hazy memories jumble together. A flask of vodka in his pocket, slipped under itchy robes. Sitting two heads away from Steve Harrington, sneaking glances between barely concealed shots. A droning speech. Another droning speech. Neil's solemn face in a crowd, watching him walk across the stage to shake hands with…the guy. The. Whatever.  

Some girl digging her talons into his arm after he slipped away from Neil's attempts to maintain a public image by acting like he gave a shit about his son's accomplishments. Beer and cheap tequila and shitty music blurring into each other as he gets dragged around like a trophy dangling off the elbow of whichever nameless girl claimed him for the night.

"Graduated," he says, picking at a sticky spot on the thigh of his jeans. Pinching the fabric isn't doing anything but he can't stop prodding. 

"Yeah, I know, with honors. Congrats." There's a huff. A silence. "Doesn't explain why you're here though." Footsteps, sneakers on linoleum, tap tap tap, meandering around whatever room is at his back. Glass bottles getting moved around. It's sort of soothing to listen to someone move around their house without any reason to be keeping track of their movements.

Well, unless…

Billy's stomach flips, and his chest goes tight. "You're not gonna kick me out are you?" he asks, his voice small. He feels sick, saying it. Thinking about it. He doesn't want to be anywhere else. This house smells sweet under the stink of spilled beer and leftover perfume. And he likes this chair.

The movement behind him stops for a second. "...Nnno?"

He breathes. Relaxing into velvety upholstery. "'Kay." 

"You sure you don't have anywhere to be? Family waiting up? Girlfriend expecting a midnight rendezvous?" 

Billy snorts. "No one gives a shit where I am." 

Neil will care tomorrow when Billy makes him look bad by pulling up hungover and in yesterday's clothes, but that's a problem for tomorrow. He won't be waiting up for him, worrying about Billy's safety or whatever.

A glass bottle clinks against something. "What about your sister?"

"Pfff…" He snickers, and gives his head a tiny shake. The movement makes everything spinny for a second and he has to pause to swallow bile. The sour taste on his tongue feels appropriate. And gross. "I fucked up. Everything. Beat the shit outta her friend. She's prolly hoping I don' come home at all. Ever."

Another glass bottle gets set down, slower this time. Carefully. "...This friend of hers…"

"Steve," Billy sighs. His eyes fall shut and he leans back into a cushioned headrest. His insides do the stupid fluttery thing they always do when he thinks about Steve. Steve and his stupid kissable face. 

"It was pretty dumb of him to pick a fight with you, huh," the voice says wryly. 

"Mnh…I guess." There's a soft snort behind him. But something prickles at Billy. Guilt, maybe. It's uncomfortable. He chews his lip as his eyes start to burn. "Nah. No. Whole thing was my fault. All my fault. S'always my fault." 

Saying it doesn't make it feel better.

"What do you mean?" There's sounds anymore. Just the voice, and Billy's heartbeat in his ears.

"It's…" Billy swipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. "It's a secret."

"I'm good at keeping those."

"You can't tell him."

"...I definitely will not tell him."

Billy hums. "He's real pretty, y'know."

"So I've been told, but what—"

"No, he's…he's so pretty. Like, I can't believe it sometimes, and I just wanna. Do something about it. All the time. But it hurts. Hurts so bad, and it's not supposed to, so I had to—I had to…I just got so mad. And I had to prove I didn't wanna kiss him, but I do. 'Cause I like him so much. Too much."

The silence is back. Ringing in Billy's ears. He sniffles quietly. 

"Oh…" 

"Please don't tell him. Or anyone."

"Billy…"

"Promise."

There's a strained pause. Billy fidgets, his insides twisting into knots. 

"I promise." The voice is so gentle, and it makes Billy's eyes sting again. He blinks away tears and listens to more bottles being moved. Plastic cups hitting plastic bags. Sneakers against linoleum, and hardwood, and carpet. And after a while, "You're not gonna spend all night in the chair, are you?"

"You said—"

"I'm not kicking you out, I just meant. There's a guest bed, man," 

"Oh."

**

Sunlight hits Billy directly in the face and he rolls over, groaning. 

The motion makes his stomach lurch, but he buries his face in…pillowcase. Unfamiliar pillowcase. Smells like honeysuckle and clean air and it's softer than any bedding he's ever touched. 

His legs are tangled in sheets just as sweet-smelling and finely woven, and his guts give another heave as he realizes he's only wearing briefs. 

Did…did he fuck someone last night?

He was definitely drunk enough to do something that stupid, if the cottonmouth and pounding headache are any indication, but he doesn't fucking remember. Which would normally be a blessing, except he usually doesn't stay the goddamn night. 

Is he going to have some girl hanging all over him for the first couple weeks of summer? Until he can figure out how to ditch her without making it look like he's too eager to.

Or maybe he'll stick around for a little while, this bed is actually ridiculous. He might be able to fake his way through one shitty summer fling if it means sleeping like a goddamn king. There are like, five pillows, and it feels like he's laying on a cloud. 

He nuzzles deeper into the pillowcase. Smells nice too.

His memories of the previous day mostly stop around Tammy Whatsherface dragging him away for a graduation afterparty. Maybe he shouldn't have started drinking at noon. 

Christ, he's not even sure how he got here, or where his car is. 

Or where here is.

It's one of the Loch Nora houses, probably. Nowhere else would have sheets like this.

Eventually he drags himself, reluctantly, out of bed. And immediately tastes bile.

Which is. Bad. 

Being upright is bad. 

And he doesn't know where the nearest toilet is. Which could be extremely bad. Girls whose carpets you puke on don't invite you back to sleep in their nice guest rooms.

So, he's very slow and careful about pulling his jeans on. And he makes sure to pause when he starts to feel clammy, sitting on the floor to stop his head spinning. 

It takes him forever to get mostly dressed, jeans and an undershirt are enough. He can't find his button-up and socks require too much bending down, which his dehydrated brain does not appreciate. 

Peeking out into the nondescript hall doesn't provide any more answers about whose house this is. It's all shiny boring expensive decor and not a single person in sight.

Oh, looks like there's a bathroom at the end of the hallway though, good. 

He beelines for the sweet promise of a place to piss and rinse out his mouth, shuffling past a couple closed doors, listening for any signs of life and hearing nothing, until he shoulders his way into the bathroom and freezes in his tracks, because—

"Hey, uh. You're awake." Steve Harrington blinks at him, standing in front of a plain oval mirror, hairbrush in hand. Which he obviously hasn't used yet, because the bedhead he's sporting is kind of hilarious. It's all fluff in every direction. Billy wants to run his hands through it. 

Worse, though, is the fact that he's bare chested, wearing an unzipped hoodie and soft plaid pants, with all that fucking chest hair, and he's looking at Billy with a curious expression that isn't remotely like any way he's ever looked at Billy before and this is…all very, very strange.

So, obviously Billy's theory about what happened last night was wrong. He's not even back to square one, he has less than no idea what the fuck is happening.

"...Yes," Billy responds after a beat too long. 

Great.

Fantastic.

Very smooth.

The corner of Steve's mouth twitches. There's something soft and warm about the amusement twinkling in his eyes and it's making Billy itch. 

"I think I'm gonna puke."

Steve snorts, and drops his hairbrush on the vanity. "Right, I'll get out of your way then." He sidles past Billy, far too close, patting his shoulder as he passes. Which does not help when he's just barely keeping his shit together.

His footsteps fade down the hallway at Billy's back. And Billy doesn't move. 

What the actual fuck.

He slams the bathroom door shut behind him, and leans his forehead against it, trying to breathe slowly through his nose. 

They didn't have sex last night. There's no way. He did not fuck Steve Harrington.

He couldn't have. Steve would never…

He's not…

That's just. Not what happened. Because that would never happen. 

It kind of looks like that's what happened, but it's not. 

He sits on the floor, head in his hands. And breathes. 

It's unclear how long he stays curled up on cold tile. Long enough that his legs start to feel stiff. Nothing about last night comes back to him. He sighs.

And gets up.

And splashes some water on his face. Drinks a little from the tap. Uses some of the mouthwash he digs out from under the counter. Takes a piss.

He's still unsteady. His temples throb if he moves too quickly. But he feels a little less like roadkill.

Steve waves at him when he spots him coming down the stairs. Waggles his fingers in the air, like they're best buds and this situation isn't the most surreal thing to happen to them since the Byers' weirdly trashed living room.

Billy rubs the back of his neck. "...Hey."

"Coffee?"

"Sure."

Steve pulls out two mugs, one of his thumbs stuck through a hole in the cuff of his sleeve. There's sunlight warming the honey-coloured highlights in his hair.

Yeah, no, this is definitely more fucked up than finding Max in a random house with a busted window and shitty drawings everywhere.

He might actually have lost his mind.

"What the fuck happened last night?" He blurts, his cheeks hot, fingers jittery. He shoves his hands in his pockets, fists balled up against his thighs.

Steve glances at him out of the corner of his eye. "Ah, figures you don't remember."

"Don't remember what?"

"You were pretty out of it."

"Yeah, thanks, I know that part."

Steve snorts, grabbing more things out of cupboards. Billy's paying more attention to his hands than what's in them. "You didn't want to leave, so I let you sleep upstairs."

"...Why?"

"You didn't say, just said you didn't have anywhere else to be."

"That's not what I meant." He knows exactly why he didn't want to leave. All the many reasons why he'd rather be here than under Neil's roof. Or anywhere else. What doesn't make any fucking sense is Steve accommodating him. 

Steve's eyes flicker to his again, briefly, before he turns back to the counter. When he shrugs the nonchalance seems forced. "You're a lot nicer when you're plastered."

"I…" Billy opens his mouth. Shuts it again. 

What the fuck does that mean. 

Steve fidgets with a spoon. "You got…kind of weepy, y'know."

Oh.

Goddamnit.

His shoulders go tense, jagged edges of a shield around what's left of his dignity. "Fuck you, Harrington," he snaps. It's all he can muster when he doesn't know what the fuck he was crying about. Every possibility is worse than the last.

"Yeah, you wish," Steve mutters.

Billy freezes. 

And doesn't recover quick enough to hide it from Steve. Steve's eyebrows shoot up. "Holy shit, it's true isn't it?" He turns around fully, the mess he's made of the counter forgotten. 

Fuck.

"I—don't know what you're talking about." His stupid deer-in-the-headlights expression is mostly under control but the sudden tremble in his voice definitely fucking isn't. 

He backs away a step and then stops. Where the fuck is he going to go, he doesn't know where his car is, where his keys are, and he's fucking barefoot. Running upstairs and locking himself in Steve's bathroom seems just a little too pathetic but that doesn't mean he doesn't consider it.

Billy clenches his jaw. It makes his head pound. "What exactly did I say last night?" He grits out, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Steve eyes him. Slowly, carefully. Deliberating. He chews his bottom lip. The silence is fucking agonizing. 

"Can't tell you," he finally replies, his voice light. One corner of his mouth lifts into half a smile, and scratches his cheek. "I promised I wouldn't tell anyone."

"That's…" Billy rubs his forehead with the palm of his hand, like he's looking for the button to restart his poor, confused brain. He drops his hand, exasperated, eyebrows creeping up to his hairline. "Steve, what the fuck."

Steve cracks a full-blown grin. "I told you I'm good at keeping secrets."

"I swear to god—"

"Aw c'mon, I can't break a promise! Especially 'cause you asked so nicely. You were so polite. It was very cute."

"I…what?"

He can't have heard that right.

Or Steve's just fucking with him. That's what's going on here. Billy let something slip last night and now Steve's holding it over his head. Because why wouldn't he, honestly. He has every reason to want to mess with Billy, and now he's got the perfect leverage.

"Billy." Steve's voice is soft, suddenly. His expression gentles, and he moves to close the gap between them. And Billy…doesn't get it. He's stalled out and stuck trying to figure out how this is gonna go wrong, how it fits into whatever prank Steve is clearly pulling.

He doesn't know what his face is doing, but he's pretty sure he's being way more readable than he'd like. 

He nearly jumps out of his skin when Steve touches him. A hand on his shoulder. A hesitant, awkward pat. Testing the waters, maybe. Trying to make sure he's real, maybe.

Is any of this real? Billy's still not convinced. He can smell Steve's shampoo and see all the little flecks of colour in his eyes and his shoulder is still burning where they made contact, but…

"I'm sorry I hurt you, y'know," Steve murmurs, his gaze dropping, hovering somewhere around Billy's crossed arms. He reaches out again, fingers grazing Billy's knuckles this time. All Billy can do is blink at him, afraid to breathe. "Doesn't have to be like that."

He tugs at Billy's hand, untucking it from the crook of his elbow, unfolding Billy's arms, and Billy lets him. One hand drops to his side and the other stays cradled in Steve's grip. He's…staring at it like he's studying for a test. Billy has no idea what's so fucking interesting, or what Steve's talking about, but he's also not bothered at this point. 

His knees feel like jello. 

"You could've just kissed me."

Billy nearly collapses. Like one of those swooning chicks in shitty romance novels. Breathless and flushed and overwhelmed. Except he just stands there like a moron, staring at Steve. And Steve's mouth.

"What?" he manages not to sound too strangled. Miraculously. 

Steve smiles at him, almost sheepishly. "You still could. I wouldn't mind."

"You…wouldn't."

"Yeah, I mean, if you had morning breath still it might be a different story, but…" Steve gestures vaguely, pulling Billy's hand along with him as he shrugs. 

Billy snorts.

And hey, maybe Steve is messing with him, and this will blow up in his face, but…

Well, he just really wants to kiss him before it does.

So he leans in and presses their lips together. 

~~tag list @spreckle @growup-thatbeautiful @prettyboy-like-you @suddenlyinlove

[orlamccools]

vent post under the cut- if youve got advice id love to hear it

so. ive been talking to this guy for a long ass while, you can scroll thru the last tag on this post to see what its all about, but long story short is this: i asked him out two saturdays agoto my friends going away party (which was held this past friday). hes met this friend once before, and we planned to meet at her place and then maybe go out to the bars after

entire week he is super into it, texts me more often than normal, creates a spotify blend for the two of us (w that feature that lets you combine your tastes into a single playlist) like im getting VIBES. and he asks abt our plans!!!! we make a solid schedule!!!

night of the party he texts me at 8:45 checking in to see if its all happening and i say yeah. i get home from work, change, then get to my friends house and text him that im here. he doesnt respond for an hour and finally says something abt how he has to charge his phone before coming out. im like ok man whatever i just want to hang so do what you gotta do. another half hour passes and then he hits me with the "hey idk if im gonna make it out". im disappointed by this, so i respond with like a "damn that kinda sucks :/" message. at this point i expect him to stop messaging me, but then he texts me quite literally for the rest of the night. like he literally doesnt stop until i text him that im walking home.

saturday i see him in person for a short period when he does the close out but another driver fucking also comes to sweep the store and just. will not stop talking to the dude in question. he like tries to get away twice but between customers and this other guy we dont talk like at all. after the other driver leaves and the store is closed he comes back in to use the bathroom and like stands by the door for a moment so i like look over but all he does is smile and wave then leave.

SATURDAY NIGHT. he texts me at like 8 responding to a text i had sent the previous night asking if im going out again tonight. i said yeah (bc a separate friend had a party) and he was like bet lemme know where youre at i might stop by and see you. i send him the address of the restaurant and proceed to hang w my friends until midnight. hes again texting me all night abt getting ready to head out but when we finally leave he hits me with the "finally leaving now where should i meet you". at this point i am exhausted, as ive just finished my first week of classes, had drunk heavily over the past 48 hours, and had worked a 13 hr workday that day. i text him and say im like too tired im going home and hes like damn :////

yesterday night. i do an eras movie night w my friends and i send a picture of the opening sequence to the ppl i have snapchat streaks with. he snaps me the rest of the night and is like "ohhhh you should have invited me" and stuff like that and its like. i didnt invite you for a multitude of reasons but like you ditched plans once this weekend and kept pushing back the other time i tried to invite you out, so why do you think i would ask you a third time???????

and now im just confused bc like. he seemed sooooooooo into it all week and then as soon as it was time for things to happen he just didnt show and kept stringing me along. im also lowkey pissed bc i wanted to hang with him and i was SO anxious abt asking him out (like i literally threw up twice friday morning bc i was so anxious abt how the day was gonna go). im just frustrated and like i had thought he had gotten the vibe that i was into him romantically bc it sure as shit seemed like he was reciprocating, and now im not even sure what to do anymore.

[waifu-13]

Midnight a howl x reader

tw slight cheating (youll see)

an hiii im back sorta, thank you for all the love while i was gone, i missed this so much

The town where you're from seems so tiny compared to the places you are seeing now except none of them have him, howl pendragon with his lush blond hair and blue eyes you could always get lost in but most importantly he's the one you describe as your first mature connection but as you look out of the tour bus window you think of what he actually was to you. You both had different goals in life. He had everything in order and you had bigger dreams than a simple life. His goal was to make you his wife and yours was to build a name no matter what, so you too had to depart. eventually, you found your way out... you never lost touch with howl tho.

But on nights like this were its almost midnight and your boyfreind has yet to show up for what time he said he'd be done working. You never would of guesed the reason you have a name is cause of your boyfreind but atleast you made it. Eventually he shows face

"babeeee I'm back" Your boyfriend's voice excited as if you haven't been waiting for him.

"hi. I'm going to bed" a cold response too tired to deal with shit, nights like these make you miss Howl so much knowing he'd never do this to you but knowing you can't go back, the next stop of the tour being in your home city doesn't help being hunted of the past but hey.. the show must go on.

You love your boyfriend he's sweet, good-looking, and highly talented just horrible at actually showing up.. with countless talks on being better at communication you just learn to deal with it but of course, sometimes when you know you're being slightly mistreated your heart gonna long for the only man who's treated you right.

before you know it the bus makes it to your city. you take a deep breath as you join your boyfriend in the before-show setup, helping with prep work, and making the VIP area look just right. All the fun stuff, the behind-the-scenes things you've grown accustomed to doing.

"hey babe, are we actually gonna do something after the show tonight?" you ask your bf as he's doing some last-minute prep.

"duhh everything will be wrapped up but 10:30 so I'm all yours at 11, I swear" he gives you a sweet smile

"Pinky promise?" you hold your pinky out

"Pinky promise," he says wrapping his pink around yours. leaving a kiss on your hand to sweeten the deal.

As the night goes on the show is incredible n everything goes smoothly as the time slowly creeps up no word. no word no sign of your bf. you look down at your phone only to see 11:30 pm lighting up across your phone screen.

"fuck it" You grab your phone and walk off the bus in tears, calling the only person you know who will come get you. searching for howls contact pressing dail

"..yn? it's late is everything okay? are you in trouble?" howls a concerned voice rushing through the phone

" yeah.. um... I'm in town.. can you come to get me please?" you managed to spit out in your upset state

"WAIT REALLY? But yeah of course hun ill be there send me an address. ill be there as soon as possible". you send him an address sitting on a curb waiting for him to show up hoping no one from your boyfriend's team shows up.

After about 20 minutes of waiting you see headlights pull up beside where you're sitting and a familiar voice chimes through the window.

"WAIT DON'T GET IN" Howl rushes out of the car hugging you... shit, he smells so good.. like wood and fruit.. somethings never change. he lets go of you opening the passenger-side door for you to get in.

The car ride back to his place was full of laughter, catching up and some tears.. howl is in disbelief at how your bf can just abandon you after promising to show. He shows you some projects he's done, and you are so proud of him seeing how far he's come in his career path going into his place you look around seeing it is exactly how you remember, him having to duck when he walks in, the wall of pictures that you told him to start, you walk over to it looking at each photo.

"you still have one's of us, we were so young. look at that" you say with a slight sadness in your tone

"Well yeah... it's a memory wall and it's not like we hate each other. we just didn't work out.." you nod in agreeance, the silence is broken by your phone ringing.

"you wanna get that,?" howl says nodding toward your phone,

"no, I know who it is, and it's the last person I wanna talk to right now, let's watch a movie or something..." Changing from the subject at hand. he agrees as you two make your way to the couch sitting down close to each other as you both pick a movie together. After some time of watching the movie howl looks over leans in and kisses you. you pull back.

"Howl.. hun you know I have a boyfriend. I stupidly love him. "

"i-i know I'm sorry just old habits.. also yn he's sorta a dickbag yn.."

"I know howl, I sometimes miss u but we weren't made for this timeline, hopefully, the next one ill love you again...ill get going" You get up from the couch closing the door leaving howl.

Rain, he wanted it comfortable I wanted that pain He wanted a bride I was making my own name Chasing that fame He stayed the same

All of me change Like midnight

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde

Act 6, page 5398

DAVE: whats up with the fish punk troll following kanaya around

ROSE: Seems she's passing through. Kanaya doesn't want her to cause trouble.

DAVE: cause trouble

DAVE: what the fuck could she even do here

DAVE: like kick over an old pile of garbage and cause the property value to fall even lower than jack shit

DAVE: i say let her go nuts

ROSE: Feel free to take it up with Kanaya.

ROSE: But if you authorize her to flip a bitch, just make sure she's nowhere near my chemistry table.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: cant be droppin your vials and shit all over the floor

DAVE: the only one whos got clearance to drop science is me

ROSE: Dork.

DAVE: dont even hate

DAVE: been shoring up my muthafuckin CRAFT over here

ROSE: I know. I've been in the same room, right over there, listening to you mumble lyrics to yourself for the last couple hours.

DAVE: rose you know what sucks

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: To which sucky thing are you referring?

DAVE: it kinda just occurred to me

DAVE: while i was spitting ill verse to no end

DAVE: i got this weird feeling that i might be getting like

DAVE: a little dated?

ROSE: Is this about Terezi?

DAVE: what

DAVE: no no

DAVE: dont be disingenuous word girl you know what im saying

DAVE: i mean sorta passe

DAVE: like a lumbering pop reference dinosaur

DAVE: remember we are both kind of stuck in 2009

DAVE: so im like popculturally frozen in that period

DAVE: all my references feel like they might be getting a little stale

DAVE: even though the earth ended and all and there was no culture after that point anyway

DAVE: but still

DAVE: i can feel it

DAVE: like in my bones

DAVE: i just know on some hypothetical earth that kept going my shit is starting to get so lame

DAVE: and i know it doesnt matter because its just us here so who cares

DAVE: but i care

DAVE: its a matter of integrity i am a fucking artist

DAVE: like i think if i make one more rap about like some fucking dane cook movie from 2008 to piss karkat off or some tired bullshit like that im going to

DAVE: i dont know

DAVE: ill just start feeling like a fraud

DAVE: my game might be drying up rose

DAVE: but its not my fault like im totally hostage to this freezedried backlog of cultural garbage that can never move forward again

DAVE: so i have to pick through it like im looting a fucking tomb while still all tryin to act RAP SASSY

DAVE: like YEAH take THAT motherfuckers

DAVE: OF THE PAST

DAVE: all in your mass graves somewhere in a dead frogiverse

DAVE: i be representing some god damn STANDARDS about your media do you feel me

DAVE: im depressing myself here

DAVE: all im saying is it would be cool to have some fresh shit to work with

DAVE: like just to know

DAVE: to know what the world would be like in the year it would be for us now

DAVE: which would be 2011 i guess

DAVE: wow 2011 really

DAVE: damn

DAVE: i just want to know what would have happened

DAVE: theres so much shit we were primed for

DAVE: it was gonna be exciting

DAVE: like barack obama just turned president remember that

DAVE: we never got to see if he fixed the economy

DAVE: remember how you were dying to see if he would fix the economy you were asking me about it every damn day

DAVE: just joking nobody gave a shit about that

DAVE: but like

DAVE: i never got to check out the next batch of stiller jams and see how bad i could mock them

DAVE: we never got to find out how the midnight crew adventure ended

DAVE: if ever

DAVE: rose

DAVE: ROSE??

DAVE: what the fuck man

DAVE: whyd you go back to your bottles and shit i was right in the thick of hella elocution

DAVE: dont give me that

DAVE: yes

DAVE: uh yeah

DAVE: yes i do ACTUALLY want you to come back over here

DAVE: im waiting

ROSE: Fine. Here I am.

DAVE: wow was that so hard

DAVE: this is what civilized people do rose they fucking talk to each other like actually in each others fucking vicinities

ROSE: You just have a tendency to go on for a while. I assumed we progressed to the traditional mumbling monologue stage of Striderian discourse.

DAVE: no thats not even a thing

DAVE: i was actually like

DAVE: trying to get your take

ROSE: Take on what.

DAVE: i dont even know

DAVE: i bet john would have stuff to say

DAVE: hes probably going through the same frozen fucking caveman from 2009 syndrome as me

DAVE: actually what am i saying the dude is a caveman from 1997

DAVE: hahaha like he could give a shit as long as hes got his cage dvds

ROSE: Oh! I saw him the other night.

DAVE: what

ROSE: In a dream. It was very brief, only a few minutes. I waved to him and then woke up.

DAVE: whoa what was he doing

ROSE: He was fighting Jack. Actually, he was doing quite well!

DAVE: oh man

DAVE: you have to tell me all about this

ROSE: I will. Later, though. I'd like to get back to work.

DAVE: ok when

DAVE: tonight?

ROSE: I have plans tonight. How about tomorrow.

DAVE: plans

DAVE: what plans

ROSE: Just some plans.

DAVE: can i come

ROSE: No!

DAVE: fuck fine

DAVE: tomorrow then

DAVE: maybe ill just dream up my own john tonight and well have an awesome time without you what do you think about that

ROSE: ...

DAVE: fu

[carelessflower]

PART 3:

TW// Murder, and mention of abuse

Magnus knocked, as they waited, a fewclicks were heard and the door opened, revealing a sleepy Johnathan.

"Magnus its midnight." Johnathan said, as he motioned them to come inside. Another man, who stood there, yawned, and went to the bedroom.

"Boyfriend?" Ragnor questioned.

"Yeah."

"What do you know about the cops who were working on the case against my dad."

Johnathan sighed, and rubbed his eyes.

"I cant tell you that."

"What can you tell me?"

"They dropped the investigation, four of our members disappeared, wintesses either didnt remeber their statements or changrd their story, cctv images gone. Everything they worked for just went to trash."

"Who was in charge?"

"I cant tell you that."

"Fuck! Johnathan." Magnus cursed,

"Look all I can tell you is that we had a new boss come in, I cant tell you the previous bosses names, but I can tell you, you know one of them."

"Stop being crytic you asshole." Ragnor said.

"Has your dad spoken to you?"

Magnus chuckled.

"I cant tell you that." Magnus said before leaving.

"Sorry!" Catarina appologised.

(THE MORNING)

Alec awoke to Max crying, he yawned, and stood up, and walked over to the cot and picked him up. He started to sooth him, as the sunlight started peaking in through the blinds, the orange hues across the skyline.

New York was beutiful in the morning, the peace and quite before the noises of people, and cars. He smiles at the memories of him and Magnus walking through central park in the winter, hands holding and together. Happy.

He looked down at Max, who was now calm.

"bapak" Max pointed out of the window.

"Soon baby..soon."

He was intrupted by his mother who was happy to see her grandson, as Max reached out to Maryse, wanting to be held.

"Go see Magnus, I'll feed him." Maryse said, as she was now speaking to Max, and went downstairs. Alec sighed, he took out a blue faded shirt and some jeans.

His sibilings were still asleep, and he said goodbye to his son, and his mom and headed out. Questions he needed answers to filling his head, as he walked towards the appartment.

------

ASMODEUS HOUSE (MANHATTAN)

The basement was warm, the white floors clean, the white tiled walls made the room feel large and bright. A older man was tied to a chair. His left eye bruised, tired, hungry and thirsty, a few feet away from him, was a metal tray, filles with surgical instruments, covered in blood.

The door unlocked, and Asmodeus stepped in, smiling, and behind him was Magnus.

Magnus stood behind hia dad.

"Johan wordt wakker!" Asmodeus pulled his head up, a Johan was now alert, hissed in pain.

Johan eyes land on Magnus.

"Mer -"

"Its Magnus now."

Johan nodded.

"Okay! Magnus, here wants to ask a few questions, so you are going to listen and answer."

Johan nodded, as Asmodeus stepped back, and went to a cabinet.

"What was my mom like?"

"Sexy." Asmodeus repsoded, chuckling as Magnus rolled his eyes

"Your mom was beautiful, nice." Johan responded.

"Why wasnt she happy when she got married?"

"She has several miscarages, we tried, failed, so many times."

"What did you think of me." Johan snapped, eyes wide, and saliva dripping from his mouth,.

"You are a scum. Your grandparents didnt want you. je vermoordt je moeder. mijn vrouw. jij bastaard" (you killed your mother. my wife. you bastard) Johan spat.

"Im not the one you should be angry at you bitch." Magnus said crouching down. Smiling.

"je bent een ellendige oude man." (you are a miserable old man.) He spoke in dutch, the second language he learnt, from a monster.

He stood up, and spoke in his mother tounge.

"kuharap kau terbakar di neraka." (Hope you burn in hell.)

A loud bang echoed in the room, as Asmodues put the gun down, blood and pieces of skull fragments landed on Magnus's sparkled black pants. He looked up at his dad.

"He bored me. Get changed." Asmodeus said walking past Magnus.

Magnus ears were ringing from the shot, looking down he saw the blood pooling at his feet. He gagged, as he ran upstairs closing the door behind him.

"What was that? You didnt need to shoot him."

"Are you actaully defending the sicko. He hated you. He wanted you dead. You tried, so I did it." Asmodeus smiled, as he told two men to clean up downstairs. Magnus saw his father go upstairs.

(MAGNUS BANE APPARTMENT)

There was rappid knocks on the door, aa Raphael opened revealing Alec.

"I thought you had key."

"I lost it. Where is Magnus."

Chairman meowed, as the cat walked inbetween Alec legs. Chairman stretched, and went back to Magnus's bedroom.

"Magnus is out."

"Out? Its a lie in sunday, Magnus sleeps in."

"Well something happened. Come in, make yourself something to eat." Raphael said, sitting down, and eating a bowl of cornflakes.

Alec sat down, as he looked at the time.

09:47 AM

The time read.

The door opened, and in came Magnus.

"Your back, gotta go, Alec is here." Raphael said, putting his bowl in the sink, and walked out.

Magnus and Alec stared at each other in silence.

"Im sorry." Alec appologised.

"Same. Im sorry. I should have told you earlier."

"Sorry I walked out, I was angry, and confused. Are we safe?"

"I...I dont know Alexander. My dad is someone you dont want to mess with. He is a psychopath. Kills for fun, bad people dont mess with him."

"You told me you really didnt know your dad. Was that a lie?"

Magnus rubbed his eyes. He hasnt been able to sleep.

"He adopted me when I was ten. My mom..she commited suicide on my 5th birthday. I found her body."

"Im so sorry Magnus - ." Alec sat next to Magnus.

"Dont! let me finish."

"She didnt love me, my step-dad hated me, he abused me, punishments, blamed the devil. After my 8th birthday, he became really religious, and was talking to the people in ths village. One day, he took me to the river, and I fought, it was raining the night before. I threw mud in his eyes, and I pushed him, and he tripped over a log, and I killed him." Magnus felt the warmth of Alec's hands on top of his hands.

"I ran Alec. I ran so fast until a truck stopped, a guy said he could save me, take me to a safe place, he traffiked me to spain, where i was on the farm until there was a raid, I was taken to a foster home - it was a church type of thing. Jem Carstairs ran that home. He was the one who tracked my biological dad. He adopted me, at 10."

"Jem Carstairs is married to your cousin Tessa?" Alec questioned.

"Yes he married her a few yesrs later. So as I was saying my dad, Asmodeus, he took me over the world. He was a rich guy, he owned a few big law firms. He took me to his house in Manhattan. And i was fine. He retired early from the law firms and let another management in. I started noticing stuff when I was 13. You know people who was terrified of him. Me, Raphal, and Ragnor got in trouble with a local gang.. but then they appologised and left us alone. I look like him, just different body height, and skin colour. He owned a few clubs, like Sin City, Pandemonium, the hottest clubs, I was snooping and found a lot of money, I knew my dad was in deep. I just didnt know how deep."

Magnus stood up, and grabbed a glass of water.

"You said you killed someone? Was that your step dad."

He cant know - Magnus thought, he didnt trust his own mouth, so he nodded.

"Okay..you can stay at my parents place, Izzy and Jace may hate you at first, but I will tell them its fine. Max misses you."

"How about chairman?" Magnus chuckled, picking his cat up.

"He can come! Thank you Magnus. For trusting me."

Magnus smiles at him, as Alec started to pack.

His phone buzzed, as Magnus unlocked it.

A message from his dad:

**Are you free tonight? Remeber, I know where you live, I know where your friends live. All you need to do is listen and no one gets killed. Are you free? **

Magnus looked at the text over and over again, his finger above the block button. He froze, he looked at Alec, and smiles, he has a family. His friends. He wont let them get hurt.

Magnus typed a quick text **yes. wht time?** before switching his phone off and helping Alec pack his and Alec's and Max's stuff.

((PART 3 FINISHED - THIS STORY IS NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY. )

Asmodeus is more emotional abussive and Im trying my hard to get that. And I wanted both piece of show and book reference.

Part 4 may be happy.

:((( bebe magnus :(((( i want him to be happy

[manifesting-mari]

Morning Pages 1/29/2023

I am feeling really grateful this morning. Yesterday it got kinda dark but im happy i was able to feel those feelings in a safe space. Right now i’m listening to a frankenstein-song that Jordan’s Song teacher made from one of their projects. Im really grateful to be in thighs creative space. Im grateful to be in this space with them. I feel so creative and so motivated to create. Its like i forgot this person and jordan is reintroducing me to myself. We were talking about being able to see our own light, and i’m grateful to meet jordan because so much of our experience together has been a mirror for me. Well. every experience i have with everyone is a mirror of some sort, but with jordan there are just so many synchronicities its just really hard to ignore. I sometimes have to remind myself that the synchronicities do not mean we would have a great relationship if we were together. But i think that the way we are open to learning about ourselves and open to working on our shit is what makes a great relationship. Also our willingness to communicate honestly.

As im getting into a new relationship i am now becoming more aware of my boundaries, or the lack there of. Or even when there is a boundary in a place that no longer needs to be there. I can feel the boundaries that i had up starting to soften. As the boundaries soften it allows me to experience the pain so much more. The boundaries i had up were to prevent pain, but now that my boundary has softened i am able to feel the pain so much more. I think because i softened the boundary with my mom it hurt me a lot when she didnt believe in my. It hit a chord in me that felt true. I feel like i cant make money or that i dont deserve to. There is still something in me that says i dont deserve nice things so i dont allow myself to have the money for nice things. 

I’m still working on this money stuff. Still trying to figure out what i learned, still integrating. I think there is still more of the ballet experience that im unpacking. I discovered yesterday that i feel very unsafe accepting money from my mom. Maybe i need to just stop depending on her. It feels like if i create this boundary its me running away. But i know i need time to process what happened. Im very hurt. I wish my mom could just listen and let me process. I guess i still have to accept that my mom is just not where i’m at and i’m better off telling her half truths. I dont owe my mom the whole truth, but i feel so inauthentic when i dont. I feel the scared part of me still walking on eggshells with her. 

I hate that feeling of walking on eggshells. That codependent feeling. If i want to end codependent relationships then i need to stop being codependent with people. What is my relationship with my mom? Thats what im really trying to unravel. I feel like clancey caught in the soul bird’s string in the Midnight Gospel. There are so many narratives that i need to unravel. I wonder what would happen if i just approached my mom as another human person in this world. She is my mom, but even the word mom had narratives wrapped around what is expected in the relationship. Maybe i need to stop trying to make a better relationship with my mom and just accept where its at. Maybe i need to be hopeless, not hopeless of change for the future, but hopeless for changing the wat things are right now. Right now i am still hurt and so is my mom. And as much as i can hold space for the pain my mom has experienced, there is pain that i have attached to past experiences with her that i need to hold and tend to, because she is unable to, im really tired when people are like “you know your mom is just not equipped and blah blah” and all that. Like im still fucking pissed off. Im angry. Sure, i know all that, but im still fucking angry. This was a feeling that came up with Kate during the nourishment retreat. I logiced my way to a reasonable reason to why the adults in my life couldnt show up, but that did not address the anger i felt when the adult did not show up for me. 

Feeling this anger is an interesting experience, especially with this spooky music playing. Im so angry. I am angry. There no narrative except the feeling of anger. I wonder if i just feel the sensation. I cant feel it now. Its like the sensation on my come sup when i speak the narrative i wonder if thats what spells are. You say words and feel them in your body and that creates an energetic output that attracts things to you. The anger that I was feeling has now morphed. Angry doesnt usually stay long, it quickly goes to sadness and pain and hurt. 

Its interesting coming into my body and experiencing sensations and seeing what kind of narratives i have attached to them and what feelings come up.

Passive aggressive. I can see the times where i am like that. And the habit of wanting other people to feel my feelings. I need to ask people for their consent if they have space to hold what i’m going through. I feel like ive been better at that. I can recognize the growth i’ve made and im really proud of myself. Im still sad and grieving for the little me that didnt have parents to hold her so well. I need time to process and grieve and for some reason the people around me want to push things. I get it, that what i was like in order to gain control. Thats how my mom gains control, by shaming, guilting, and pushing. Thats how i gain control. We can choose to be different. I can choose to be different. My first step is to accept and be hopeless. Accept that i project my shame in order to gain control. In order for me not to identify it. Wow. by brain and body are very clever to try not to feel the pain of shame.

Honestly, let me shower in that shame. Let me dance in it. Let me rub it all over my body and drag it across my face like war paint. I want to be able to wear my shame and move through this world bearing it like the cross. The shame i felt growing up in the church and in a religious house hold. The shame i felt for wanting to be myself. The shame i felt for believing in magic, and ghosts, and spirits. The shame i felt for feeling my feelings. The shame i felt for touching myself. So mcuh shame. Shame for tending to myself. Shame for getting what iw anted. Shame for spending money. Lots of this shame isnt mine. I dont even know what shame is mine. 

Let me look at the shame around money. The higher me doesnt feel shame for spending money or making large amount of money or even having money. But there is a part of me that does. A part of me thats afraid of it all. A part of me that is still attaching its worth with money. Worth and money was attached growing up in the 90’s. And in my household. We were taught that you were more worthy or better if you had more money and if you were good with money. But “good with money” is subjective. The “good with money” created this disorganized attachment with money. Money was a thing we wanted, but then it would be so bad to spend it. I understand that i need to invest in my home and in my self if i want more money to come back to me ten fold.I understand this because i am not attached to money. I have no attachment to money, because i have no attachment to money i am not desperate for it so it does not cause suffering in my life. But now it is. Its like this past year i’ve experienced all forms of this disorganized attachment and i can see the ways where this still feels disorganized. I think i need to bring this into my body. But i'm not feeling it right now. May i be more aware the next time i feel activated and bring it into my body. 

Yesterday i felt the pang in my chest and immediately hung up. And the my brain went on this wild ride into the pit of despair. I wonder what my body does when im in that pit. I'd like to be aware. There's something but my wearing the shame like a badge of honor that feel kinda good. Like i wanna be able to walk around with the shame and say “Yes, i have it, yes it bothers me, but not so much as it used to. This feeling will only have as much power as i give it. But it will do what it wants to do and i get to observe until i find a healthy relationship with it.

I’m happy to be building these relationships with these different parts of myself. I wanna be able to hold my shame and unworthiness with love and strength. I see the ways where ive tried to rid myself of the shame and rid the things in other people that triggered my shame. I wanna hold my shame’s hand and show her life and say “you see. Its not that bad.” maybe my shame is my 5 year old. Ohhhhh i felt bad for wanting to be a ballerina and i felt bad that my parents didnt have enough money and i felt ashamed that i had expensive tastes. I felt ashamed to be my messy self. I shamed myself for being messy too. I wonder if ive just identified with that shame and its been my base line. I havent been feeling it so its been stuck. Its hasnt moved out of me. Its ok to feel shame and its ok to not feel shame. Both states are accept here and every part of me is welcomed.

[prozac-shaped-urn]

Why do people get so dressed up for the opera? A genuine question. The last time I went to an opera I almost slept with a professor. I don’t remember why the dress code is so strict as I wasn’t exactly paying attention.

*pterodactyl screech*

JOAN GETTING EMO OVER LISA GETTING EMO I WANNA SHOVE MY HEAD INTO A CONCRETE WALL THIS IS SO GORGEOUSLY PERFORMED AND WRITTEN THE SYMBOLISM OF YHE TWO SOPRANOS SINGING IN TANDEM AND ANSWERING ESCH OTJER FROM DIFFERENT OCTAVES THEN CARESSING EACH OTHERS FACES AND ONE BEING A BLOND CURLYTOP AND THE OTHER A BRUNETTE I WANNA SCREAM I AM SCREAMING IM TOTALLY SCREAMING THIS SCENE IS PERFECTION IM WATCHING IT A FOURTH TIME

I MISSED THE PART WHERE THE ACTION IS MIRRORED FROM JOAN AND LISA ON THE SOPRANO LEADS LISA IS THE ONR WHO SLIDES HER HAND OVER JOANS CHEEK AND THE BLOND SOPRANO DOES THE SAME TO THE BRUNETTE SOPRANO IM GOING INSANE

LISA SAYING NO ONE CONNECTS TO EACH OTHER ANYMORE BUT THEN CONNECTING SO HARD TO THESE WOMEN THAT SHE MAKES JOAN CONNECT TO HER SND THEM RIGHT BACJ I AM FERAL

LISA NOT BEING INTO ACTING BECAUSE THATS WHST HER MOM DOES AND ITS WEIRD TO LEAVE HER EMOTIONS ON A STAGE WHEN SHE SHOULD BE PRESENT WITH HER KIDS LISA THEN FALLING HEADFIRST INTO AN EMOTIONAL PIT OF UNDERSTANDING AND EMPATHY FROM STRANGERS ON A STAGE I AM LOSING IT

THE HUMAN NEED TO NOT BE A FLY FOR GODS TO SO EASILY DESTROY THAT LISA FLAT OUT DENIES ANY ACCESS TO BE TREATED WITH DISREGARD BECAUSE GUESS FUCKING EHAT SHE HAS EMOTIONS SHE IS WORTHY OF LIVING SHE WILL NOT BE SQUASHED LIKR A FUCKING MOSQUITO I AM SPIRALING

Kenneth. Lonergan. I. Bow. To. You.

I need a breather that was so intense I feel like I just spent a solid half hour in an orgasmic liminal state jesus fucking christ

Anyway this film takes a while to get to the point but all the pieces fall into place eventually like in any good story. It’s very adhd storytelling but it makes sense to me and I’m the only one I’m worried about.

This will be top priority if I ever get to talk to him about writing for film. I’m too fucking lazy (and mind fucked) right now to make sense of the literary references but I get the overall story. The bus driver literally ~driving away~ with Lisa’s innocence and Joan being too caught up under the tires of her own bus (ie play) to be able to stop the momentum of Lisa and her decisions coming to a head and smashing face first into the ground GODDAMMIT IM NOT OKAY

I was notttttt expecting ANY of this when I watched the trailer earlier. I went in like “Ya cool ok Kieran and J in a movie together how bad could that be?” CUT TO: ME LOSING MY SHIT AT HALF PAST MIDNIGHT BECAUSE ITS SO PERFECTLY LINEAR IN A NONLINEAR WAY IT REMINDS ME OF LOST AND I JUST AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHO WAS GONNA WARN ME ABOUT THAT SCENE IN MARGARET I FUVKING SPIT OUT MY WATER

That’s happened to me and I definitely was Not™ ready to have a conversation with anybody much less a member of my family jeeeeezus christ

[transmascnepetaleijon]

love the vibe im having today /s

[minisculegemstone]

Well today was Fucking Terrible.

[twinklix]

HIHIHIHIHI i need perv han pls pls pls i love u sm biggest fan here ☹️ 🙏

wanted ✧.* | h.js

| Perv!Jisung x Fem Reader | Best friends 2 lovers | wc: 3907

A/N: Ok so my ass got carried away to say the least and its not even good bc i literally wrote it at midnight, and i got so lazy for the entire second half. but anyway luv i hope you enjoy, this is my first fic on this blog im so scared AHHHGHGHSDFG also this isnt proofread im tired ily

[warnings: Smut, explicit sexual content ,MDNI, piv, fluff, Degrading, semi public sex, virginity loss, unprotected sex (dont do it babes <3), fantasies, masturbation (m), bad writing bc im tired fingering, dom/sub dynamic, corruption kink ?]

“pass the popcorn Ji!”

Your second request for the snack was met once again with silence from the boy beside you. To force a reaction out of him, you reached for the closest thing to you,(the tv remote) and chucked it at his head. Not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to make him fucking answer you.

“YAH! Y/N!” He dramatically whined, rubbing his head, finally turning to you with a half pissed/half confused look.

“popcorn.” you motioned to the bowl in his lap and his face lit up with embarrassment and realization as he handed it to you. You accepted it happily and settled back into your spot on your bed, returning your attention to the movie playing only a few meters away on the tv mounted to your wall.

Han, however, did not return his focus to the movie. Not like his focus had ever been on the movie in the first place. It had been like this for the past few weeks. On these nights, he’d usually be intently watching with you, waiting anxiously for the opportunity to crack a relevant joke to whatever scene was playing, in hopes to make you smile or laugh. But now instead, he sits, trying to ignore the grumbling feeling of nerves and guilt mixing together in his stomach.

Being in this room. Your room, had a much different affect on him than it did mere weeks ago. Your scent. the excessive amount of plushies scattered across your bed. The posters on your wall of all your favorite groups and shows. Your clothes in a pile in the corner. He seemed to notice and dwell on these things much more now, because all those things were you. And you were all he could think about.

When this started, he wasn’t sure.

He had always loved you, but in the way he should love his best friend. He wasn’t sure when his gaze on you started to persist slightly longer than it should or when you started to invaded his thoughts at night and he especially wasn’t sure when he started to notice how visible your nipples were through your favorite white t shirt.

All these changes slowly snowballed to him, now, sitting stoic and silent on your bed beside you.

Your head turned to him, your lips turning to a frown as you sat the popcorn on the side table. “ji..” you began, and surprisingly he responded with a low hum. “do you not like hanging out with me anymore?”.

His eyes widened and he spun to you on his knees, waving his hands like an insane person. “no! no! never!” He almost yelled. Your frown stayed and you turned your head to look at the wall. “you haven’t seemed interested or...present.. whenever you’ve come over for movie night.”

He knew he fucked up and had to fix it. He hated making you sad.

“there’s just been a lot on my mind recently…” he slumped back down with a sigh, feeling like an idiot. “you know i love spending time with you! i spend my whole week looking forward to it!” he confessed, taking your hands in his, prompting you to turn back to him, a small smile adorning your face, making his posture perk back up. “you know what! Hyunjin’s having a party tomorrow. I wasn’t originally gonna go, but i think it’ll be fun!”.

You perked up fully now. You and Han used to go to Hyunjin’s parties together all the time until he suddenly stopped going and as a result, so did you. “really?” your eyes lighting up with happiness. Han looked into them, feeling his entire body warm up as the nerves and guilt in his stomach were replaced by butterflies.

He nodded and you sprung up to wrap your arms around his neck tightly, hugging him with a relieved and happy sigh. His arms snaked around your waist and it was then he realized. You weren’t wearing a bra. Heat rushed up through his chest, feeling the firmness of your breasts push against his chest, not far from his face. He cursed himself for thinking of you like that right now since that’s how this entire problem started. He couldn’t think about it much more before you pulled away, leaning back with a yawn.

“..but for now you need to get some rest, bug” he told you with a comforting smile, helping you into bed. Once you were comfortable and snug under your blankets, he went to stand up but was interrupted by a whisper from behind him.

“i love you Ji.”

Sleep hit you the moment after saying it. He turned to see your eyes closed and your lips parted. Soft. So soft. His eyes were stuck at your lips wondering what it would be like to kiss them, to use them...

You mouth was so small, he was sure you’d have the cutest expression trying to fit him. He was also sure you’d make the cutest noises as he touches you..

He shook his head, trying to make the thoughts go away. Trying to just see you as his best friend sleeping. Nothing else.

He realized how tight his pants had become and the grey spot appearing at the front. “fuck..” he whispered under his breath, thanking god you weren’t conscious to see him. His feet carried him quietly to the corner of your room where he leaned down to collect his stuff. Soft cotton brushed his knuckle as he picked up his jacket. His eyes fell to the pile of clothes he had zoned-out on earlier. Where his knuckle was, laid a pair of pink striped panties ready to be washed. A breath got stuck in his throat and before he could internally fight himself, he collected them along with his jacket and exited your room and apartment in a hurry.

Grunts and groans left Han’s lips as his hips thrusted up desperately into the soft cloth. He pretended it was you, pretended you were wearing the clothing item wrapped around his cock and that he pushed it hastily to the side to fuck you.

“fuck.. bug.” His nickname for you came out so breathily as he felt his chest tighten, so close.

He imagined you saying his name, as he was yours. He imagined how your face would contort with pleasure. He imagined being the only man to pleasure you.

His fantasy came to a sudden halt when he let out one last grunt and closed his eyes as he painted your most intimate item white.

He was left breathless, melting into his pillows as his chest rose and fell trying desperately to refill his empty lungs.

He removed the cloth from his cock to stare at it in his hand. He stared at where your juices mixed with his and he felt a depraved smile creep onto his face as he tucked the item behind his pillow, not planning on returning it anytime soon.

You arrived late to the party, being held up by an old friend you’d ran into on the way, exchanging the expected polite catch-up dialogue.

Not long after knocking on the door, Hyunjin swung it open to greet you, beer in hand and grin on face. “Hey.. Y/n!” his obviously tipsy gaze fell down below your eyes. “you look hot” he blurted out and you snorted, pushing him out of the way so you could step out of the freezing hall.

“haven’t seen you in a while!” he yelled beside trying to compete with the increasing volume of the music  you as you walked through the entrance together.

“been busy!” you yelled back but slightly quieter than him since you were still sober and capable of somewhat hearing. He stopped at the kitchen and nodded to you “Han’s on the balcony” he told you at the volume of a normal human now and you nodded to him, giving him a quick thanks before  leaving for the living room. You forgot how big Hyunjin’s apartment was, there had to be at least 50 people in this one room, all smushed together. You slipped through the crowd until you reached a table near the wall, decorated with different types of booze. You downed a few shots with a foul face then grabbed a beer.

Sliding the balcony door open, you saw only a few people. A couple making out beside you, leaning against the glass that looked inside. A drunk girl in a chair who you think was passed out. And Han, standing with his back to you, resting his arms on the railing to look out into the night.

“quieter out here, isn’t it?” you smirked, sliding beside him to lean ur back against the railing. Elated by your sudden appearance, he turned to you quickly, ruffling your hair with a smile “hey bug! I was wondering when you’d get here”

After explaining your hold up and taking a large swig of your beer, you tilted your head to him, already somewhat lightheaded. He finally looked down at your body, seeing your thighs on display and breasts practically spilling out of your dress. His words got caught in his throat as you looked up at him through your lashes. He cleared his throat and reached for the cup of bourbon he had forgotten and downed it quickly, deciding he’d need alcohol to distract him from how bad he wanted to fuck you.

An hour later, you both sat on the ground of the balcony, giggling messes leaning onto each other for support. You weren’t drunk, you were at the point of tipsy where you’re still aware and conscious but everything. is so. fucking. funny.

“i can’t believe it was you that gave suengmin that black eye!” you yelped out between laughs, clutching your stomach, trying to remember how to breathe. “i was practicing my nun chuck skills” he admitted casually, before you both lost it, laughing more.  

“what’s the best sex you’ve had?” you suddenly asked, after you’d both calmed down slightly. Neither of you expected but it slipped out. Did tipsy you think about Han having sex? or did you just feel it was a standard party question?

“um-uh..” stutters were the only thing that left his mouth since the inside of his brain was currently filled with only tv static. It was normal to talk about sex with your best friend, but it was different for him considering he’d shot a load into your underwear 24 hours ago. You leaned back on your arms and waited, smiling. He straightened up and thought up some bullshit answer. “my first time i guess… in highschool. i can’t remember much about the girl though“ he technically wasn’t lying, he had lost his virginity in high school to some girl who’s name he couldn’t begin to try to remember. ”how about you?… how was your first time?“

You frowned and sat up, rubbing your arm awkwardly, “well uhhh..”

Han’s eyes widened in shock. You were a virgin. Sure, he’d never seen you go home with a guy or listened to you talk about fucking any, but you’d dated guys in the past and he just… assumed things.

You sensed his realization and nodded “yup.. no ones laid me”. A shameful giggle left your throat and before the air could settle from your confession or anyone could even think, Han chimed in with a brilliant idea. “i could help!”

You looked at him solemnly for a moment before bursting out into laughter even louder than the one after his nun chuck story. “wh-what? are you volunteering to fuck me?” you asked, looking at him actually curiously now and he felt something inside him snap. He thought about it. What he’d been dreaming about and jerking off to. Could it really come true?

“i mean sure. i’d rather you do it with me where i know you’d be treated right, than with some random douche” He meant what he said, not just lying yo get in your pants.

Somehow under some miracle, you saw the logic too. “ok...yeah” you timidly agreed before standing up. If life was a cartoon, his jaw would have fell to the ground and his eyes would be comically wide. He couldn’t believe his ears. You’d agreed to let him fuck you. Not just fuck you. But take your virginity. Midway through malfunctioning while trying to process reality, you grabbed his hand and pulled him up and into the apartment through the crowd. He let you pull him along, knowing he’d be happy with wherever the end destination was.

You let go of his hand and opened a door, walking in. He followed, realizing it was the bathroom. It was of course massive just like the rest of Hyunjin’s home, with a double basin on marble counters to your left with a width-long mirror above it. You moved to rest against against the sink’s counter looking down awkwardly.

Han closed the door behind him, making sure to lock it. A painful silence rested in the bathroom, a stark contrast to the blaring music just outside the walls. He walked over to your nervous figure, standing directly in front of you, leaving little space. His finger came up to lift your chin, forcing you to look at him. “are you sure you want to?” he asked, somehow letting the question come out in a low and unwavering voice even though his chest was swimming with fear. Your face mirrored his blank expression, but with an unidentifiable twinkle in your eye.

You nodded slowly, feeling a slight warmth in your thighs. He nodded back and leaned in quickly to connect his lips to yours. Your lips were as soft as he imagined them and it made his heart flutter and his dick harden. He pushed his tongue into your mouth with little protest from you, as you leaned back, placing your palms on the counter to hold yourself up. You felt the heat between your thighs grow as you let out a slight whimper into his mouth as his tongue continued to massage your own. He pulled away slowly after a moment, and you looked up at him through lidded eyes, panting slightly. He leaned back down and connected his lips to the left of your neck, using his right hand to turn your head to the side so he could complete his task better. His lips sucked onto the skin of your neck, leaving you whimpering slightly at the unfamiliar sweet feeling. you felt his teeth join, grazing he spot he was sucking, biting down softly causing you to let out a yelp, and grab onto his shoulder. “Ji..” you whined out. The heat had spread up higher, feeling it in your pussy now, you felt so empty even without knowing the feeling of being full. “please..inside me” you begged and it was music to his ears as he sucked one last time and pulled away, smirking down at the deep purple mark he had left. he moved back to look into your eyes now. You were blushing hard, feeling so embarrassed that he was seeing you this way, but even more embarrassed that you never wanted to stop.

He leaned down for one more kiss before directing his attention to your bottom half. “Up, baby” he instructed and you silently lifted yourself up to sit on the counter, dwelling internally on the new nickname,

You rubbed your legs together, trying to: a) hide your most private place  b) get some friction to relieve the ache inside you.  Han smirked and shook his head, placing a large hand on each of your thighs, slowly using them to spread your legs for him. You bit your lip in embarrassment but let him. one of his hand moved to caress your thigh slowly, inching closer and closer to where you silently begged for him. He hesitated before finally moving his hand to use two fingers to swipe a line up your slit over your underwear, causing you to let out a small gasp when he lightly grazed your clit. “So wet for me” he whispered into your ear and you couldn’t believe his voice could sound like this. The same voice that said the stupidest things and told the dumbest jokes, was making you silently beg for his fingers. He hooked his fingers under the waistband and yanked them down, lifting you up to help get them off. He discarded them into his pocket then turned his attention back to you looking down, feeling breathless at the sight of your most precious area, and the fact he was the only man to ever see it.

You tried to push your legs back together, feeling insecure under his gaze, but he didn’t allow it. Placing one hand on your thigh to hold it in place then moving the other hand to your clit, pinching it slightly, making you yelp. “think you can take my fingers baby?” he asked, collecting your wetness and using it to rub circles on your clit. You looked up at him and nodded quickly, making him chuckle. “Okay” he announced before moving the finger on your clit to circle your hole before sinking it in. “j-ji!” you moaned out, reaching for his shoulders, digging your nails into them. He curved the finger slightly and begin moving it in and out before adding another. Your eyes flew shut as he picked up the pace, fucking you with his fingers faster. You’d never felt anything like this and it only made you wonder how his cock would feel. He added one more finger and you started to feel a stretch, moaning out louder, as he fucked them into you so hard, you couldn’t even hear the music outside anymore. “you’re taking them so well” he assured you with a grunt and you nodded, unable to properly respond. You came back to earth when he suddenly removed his fingers from you and brought them to his lips to suck on them. “you’re so sweet” he told you and you looked at him. Mesmerized. Panting.

He made quick work of pulling his shirt off and you watched in awe, not knowing how beautiful his body was. Did he go to the gym? you wondered.

he moved toward you and looked at your already fucked-out expression, donning a cocky expression before unbuckling his belt and removing his pants and boxers. He was pretty big and he was already painfully hard.  Slowly, you reached down to touch him but he pushed your hand away. “tonight’s about you.” he told you before scooping you up to place you back on your feet on the floor. “now if you do want to help me, be a good girl and lean over the sink. Without a second thought you turned around and bent over, doing as he said, sticking your ass in the air, causing your dress to fall from your legs to pool around your stomach. Han couldn’t believe his eyes. You bent over, waiting for him. He felt butterflies arise again, even after all he’d done to you so far. he walked behind you and ran a hand over your ass slowly, admiring your body. ”please..“ he heard you beg with a broken cry and he nodded.

He aligned himself, rubbing his tip up and down your slit making you whine. “don’t worry, I’ll be gentle” he promised, looking up at his reflection above you and smiling, feeling joy at every sign this wasn’t a dream. He focused his attention back to you, pushing into you slightly as you helped out reaching back to try and grab on to him. He collected both your arms with one hand and held them behind your back, pushing the rest of himself in. “i-it stings” your voice came out almost only as a breath and he ran a soothing hand up your thigh, “it’s ok baby” his assurance helped you relax and after a moment of laying there, panting, you nodded slowly. “can you do it now ji... fuck me.. please..”

No words had ever sounded more beautiful to han and without much warning he pulled himself out of you only to dive back in quickly, causing moans to escape your lips in lines, one after the other. Once he was rested inside you fully, he repeated the action of pulling out to the tip and then plunging in. keeping this slow, deep and torturous pace for a few minutes until you couldn’t handle it anymore. “faster!” you cried out, not caring about anything else anymore. Han chuckled before granting your wish, increasing the speed of his thrusts greatly. “oh god!” you nearly screamed out, “yes...like that Ji”, Han could listen to you forever. Both the sound of your moans getting louder and your pussy taking him so well, he knew you were making the most beautiful noises he’d ever hear.

“you’re being such a slut for a virgin” he groaned out, causing your pussy to clench around him even harder, thrusting into you especially hard after speaking. “god… so desperate for my cock you let me fuck you here in the bathroom… couldn’t even wait to get home to lose your virginity” he scoffed, reached forward to tangle his hand in your hair. You tried to break your arms away from his grip behind his back, so desperately wanting to touch him but he tugged on them harder, using them to pull you up so you were standing. He slid out of you and turned you around. You were unrecognizable. And he loved it. your pupils were blown, eyes barely open and your lips and cheeks bruised red. You pouted up at him, feeling empty once again, but too tired to protest verbally.

After admiring your state he reached for one of your legs, lifting it against his chest before entering you again, returning quickly to his quick pace, hitting deeper spots inside you. The sting inside you had long passed and you only felt euphoria now, squeezing your eyes shut. Something was happening inside you, something unfamiliar and strong. so strong. “i-i” you tried to think of the words to say between your pants and moans but Han nodded, “i know baby, it’s ok let go” And you did, clenching down on him so hard he could barely move. In an attempt to reach his end too, his hand found your breasts through your dress and he massaged them, watching you let go around him, moaning out so loud, and hanging onto his neck for support. With that, he let go too, painting your walls like he had your underwear, the night before.

You held onto each other, trying desperately to catch your breaths.

“i’ve wanted to do that for so long”

You came back to reality and looked up at him with wide eyes, confusion and shock on your face. “r-really?”  The question was so nervous and shaky but he met it with a warm smile. “of course. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world, how could i not” All the energy you had left, was mustered up and used in you playfully hitting his arm with a laugh.

“im serious though. i love you. i’ve thought about you like this for a while..i felt horrible about it..but now..” your hand ran up his cheek, looking into his eyes softly and lovingly. “I love you too Ji.”

Tysm for reading i hope you liked <3

[nnugatoryextravagance]

Thats it, my friends gave me the slightest crumb of validation im ffucjing posting the massive pile of bullshit oc worldbuilding summaries I mentioned before, none of this is in order by the way (its almost midnight) I tried color coding it though if that helps in any regard (also sorry if anythings phrased weird im so tired)

Every living thing is made of four relatively enigmatic elements (Meat, Magic, Color, and Sugar) that are related to all kinds of bullshit with some having the potential to bend reality itself in large enough quantity

Earth does not exist and rather its been replaced by a planet named Phonia thats inhabited by Humans and Monsters

Clowns are an alien species that live for centuries (at MINIMUM)

The majority of america is uninhabitable nuclear wasteland with only the east coast remaining

Phonia in general has been so thoroughly mined out of resources that only a few landmasses and "Oceanbowls" remain and are being held up by large near-indestructable cave systems known as the Nov'ish caverns

Inanimate objects have the tendancy to just sometimes gain sentience and come to life because of magic (like, literally)

Trolls also exist dont forget that either, and their planet is Returnia instead

The planet that Clowns live on (J-Sibler) has become so unlivable to biological life aside from them that the planet is now populated by almost exclusively living balloon animals

Speaking of the sentient objects thing a landfill in one of Phonia's oceans has become an island home to living objects after centuries of garbage had been dumped there and just kinda made it their home

Those caves I mentioned too are home to unbelievably powerful and weird as fuck looking monsters and to some kingdom thats been in dissaray for like the past 5000 years because the three kings ruling it wont get along

Theres literally so many subtypes of "Monster" That I'd be here even longer listing them off, I think right now theres like, eight I think ??? fuck me dude

Other space fairing races are implied to exist as well I just havent gone too far into that yet (if you can beleive that)

Phonia is in a dual star system alongside J-Sibler, rather than one little yellow sun they both orbit two Blue Giant stars, that are also orbiting eachother (and one is somewhat smaller than the other, and as a result it sorta orbits like the planets do)

The suns are also not exactly REGULAR suns neither (in fact none of them are, anywhere) the ones Phonia and J-Sibler orbit are a lightbulb (larger star) and a whale nightlight (smaller star), The "star" that Returnia orbits appears more like a massive fucking firefly (hashtag just bug alien things, yknow)

If im gonna be honest a lot about Trolls is relatively the same I just developed the world with more bullshit but thats for later too theres a lot there

Speaking of h*mestuck related things, all those concepts from the comic are just, every day real shit, including class and aspect alignments- although those tend to have the most cultural relevance to Trolls, Cherubs, and Carapacians specifically, to other races they're mostly written off as just silly fairy tales

And just like a shitty infomercial once told me: "but wait, theres more!"- But also its getting late and im exhausted so you'll have to wait on that a bit probably, I could keep going like this all day under any other circumstance but hbbhhghg sleepy

[lustbile]

To Provoke

Incubus!HaechanxReader

Word Count: 4.4K

Warning: dom-ish haechan, semi public (alley way), oral&fingering, biting, blood consumption, & can maybe be interpreted as degrading but not really

notes: a resounding thank you to whoever gave haechan curls and horns im in love with you nct stylist person. I wrote this all today and it made me stupid so I will try to go through and do more editing. Also not that I think anyone would, but I made the edit for this, horns and all, and im asking politely no one repost it, i know it’s not the most extravagant edit but im asking u pls.

Nct Masterlists

Multi group Masterlist

-

-

-

-

You were trying to provoke him.

You were always trying to provoke him.

Everything you did, every move, blink, sigh, and turn was an attempt to pull him from the shadows.

To admit you’re addicted to him is embarrassing, degrading even, especially with the way it fills his chest and wild eyes with hunger and pride. His ego was one thing that never needed to grow, big enough to fill every nook and cranny of the universe, but something about the way your pretty eyes would glitter at him in awe pushed it over the edge in free fall.

The outfit you chose to wear was maybe a bit too revealing for the weather, the nipping cold dancing along your shoulders and thighs in a way that makes your stomach clench and your teeth chatter. But it was the same outfit you had worn on the night you had met him, the outfit that his greedy fingers tugged and pulled on to get access to your skin, and it still had the smallest of tears in the seem from his impatience that night.

But it got you attention, and that's what mattered in the end.

He had always had a jealous streak, something he’d deny sharply if you had the nerve to accuse him, but that didn’t change the fact that some of your best nights with him were spent after he showed up to remind you that your body and skin were for him only. And that jealousy was the exact thing you needed to get him to show his face again.

It had been far too long since you had felt him last. You had no clue where he could have possibly ran off to for such a long time, but that didn’t stop the fire that was building in your belly. And no matter how many times you tried, your own wandering hands were never enough to quench your body’s thirst like he could.

The man you spoke to at the club meant less than nothing to you, even when you felt his growing excitement pressing against your back when you agreed to dance with him. The sloppy kisses you allowed him to press against the skin of your neck felt no different than just air as your mind was too distracted by the man that had taken ownership of your heart and soul so long ago, regardless of his absence.

It didn’t feel long before the lights became too bright, the alcohol that sloshed in your cup too bitter for your tongue, and the smell of the strange man too stale and unfamiliar. But when you pushed away from his chest and checked the time on your phone, while you ignored his grumbled complaints of you being a tease, you saw that it was only a handful of minutes past midnight.

You had stayed out much longer than that before, much later in fact and with glee, but something in your chest, a heavy and daunting weight, was pulling you towards the entrance on unsteady feet and a taunting disappointment on your shoulders.

Your mind still felt muggy even after you broke away from the stuffy environment of the building, but you brushed it off as a combination of the minimal alcohol you’d consumed and the angry unsatisfied monster that had made home in your gut.

You had enough of a head on your shoulders to scan your purse for your pepper spray and pocket knife before you decided that maybe the short walk home would help clear your mind and disappointment. It was still cold, your icy fingertips begging for a uber or cab instead, but you were hoping the biting chill would help calm down whatever lustful beast you had become because of a man you couldn't even contact.

Your legs felt too heavy to carry with every step you took, your neck feeling like your necklaces were made from tons of lead instead of whatever cheap metal the random online store you had ordered them from used. You were grateful that the only company you had on the back streets you had chosen to take were the flickering street lamps and the skittering rats you could hear in each alley you passed.

You could almost taste the relief of the cheap bottles of wine you had stashed in your kitchen paired with a trashy netflix horror film when you turned onto your street, your apartment building somehow looking inviting with its old brick and foggy windows as it sat on the corner. The only thing stopping you from kicking off your heels and making a run for it being the memory of one of your less than polite neighbors dropping a large glass vase and not feeling any need to pick up the broken pieces before leaving for the day.

Instead you grit your teeth to help bear the pinching of your shoes, and break into a quick and awkward jog down the desolate stretch of sidewalk. Your eyes watering as you're met with icy air.

Peace and warmth and cheap familiar alcohol is only a few strides away when you hear it. To anyone else in the city it would have been no different than the sounds of an everyday creature scavenging in the trash for food, but you had lived here long enough to know what's a rat or raccoon or, in this case, a cat.

It was a stray you had befriended long ago, one that could climb and duck into your conveniently opened balcony door for a bowl of food and a scratch behind the ears. It was just a sweet little boy that was grey and covered with scratches and scars, but due to a no pet policy had to be kept labeled as a stray and a secret to your landlord.

You huff in frustration, assuming he would have been curled up on your couch when you returned home and not chasing rats in the alley next to your building, but he had always been mischievous from the day you met him. So with the hope that you could block his image from the security cameras, you turn and head into the dim light of the small alley.

You had lovingly dubbed him Oscar when you came home more than once to your trash can tipped over and learned he had a special love for garbage, and that name along with some weird chattering cooing left you mouth as you tried to coax him from whatever trash can he was creating chaos within.

Your teeth were already gritted and you back stiff as the playful feline found enjoyment in jumping out and scaring you in times like this and you assumed this time would be no different as his evilness seemed to only raise as it got deeper and deeper into the night. So you were already mentally prepared for an attack from an overly excited ball of fur, what you weren’t prepared for was a voice.

“What are you doing out so late?” the voice was gruff and slightly accusatory and made you all but jump completely out of your skin. And as you whip around in circles to try to find the face that the words feel from, you see your love and joy Oscar jump from the tallest trash can and scale the fire escape up to scramble back into your home like a guilty teenager that was caught by their mother.

“I asked you a question,” this time the words were followed by strong hands gripping your shoulders and a shrill yelp escaping your throat.

Your hand was pushing into your purse for at least one of your weapons as you squat to get out of the person's hold and turn to see their face, the grinning and prideful boy behind you washes you with a wave of relief before stabbing at you with annoyance.

“Haechan, what the fuck,” you whisper harshly as you pull your hand from your purse and stand up straight, your now free hand now moving to jab a rough finger into the dip of his chest, “how many times? How many times have I told you to not fucking sneak up on me like that. I know the pepper spray can’t hurt you and a stab wound would heal in like five minutes but that doesn’t mean I want to stab you, idiot.”

“Why not?” his head jerks back as if you said something dumb like the sky wasn’t actually blue or he wasn’t really the sexiest man to live, something that just has no logic behind it in the slightest, “like you said it would heal so maybe we could try, might be kinda hot.”

He punctuates his words by grabbing you roughly by the waist, his other hand wrapping gently around your neck before he pushes you against the rough brick behind you, the permanent evil glimmer in his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Do you ever get tired of being an absolute freak?” you thinly veiled insult doesn’t pack as much of a punch as you had maybe hoped, but when he begins to mouth at the skin of your jaw and cheek you can’t really find it within yourself to care.

“Well isn’t that why you like me?” he asks rhetorically as he starts to nip light bruises in the spots that blur your vision, “freaky me must be your favorite, because otherwise you wouldn’t be dressed the way you are.”

He’s no wrong, not even in the slightest, but the confident way in which he says it is enough to make you want to lie, “wanting you and liking you are two different things, no one ever said I liked you.”

“Oh but you want me,” the way in which he takes everything you say in strides without even batting an eye is bit infuriating, but the way his fingers tighten against your neck and push into your jugular is enough to make you melt against him, “that’s what you said so for once that’s not me putting words into your pretty little mouth. But don’t say you don’t like me, that’s a dirty lie and we both know it.”

“You don’t like when I lie?” you pout at him, trying to pull more and more reactions from him, “but some of your favorite things I say are lies, like how big you are and how well you fuc-“

“Alright that’s enough of you,” he interrupts, his fist tightening that much more and his other slipping from your waist to reach under the hem of your dress, a satisfied growl and his tongue pressing into the inside of his cheek being his reaction when he realizes the underwear he was grabbing for wasn’t there, “I’ve had to watch you prance around all night, letting a low down dog of a man touch you. And for what? My attention? Baby, you already have my attention.”

Your words stutter violently, the only sounds coming from your throat are whines and gasps as his fingers slip between your thighs and glide against the dampened skin, never staying on your clit long enough to give you the pleasure you need but enough to make you squirm.

“You were watching me?” you finally gasp out, before it clicks in your brain how dumb of a question it was. He told you a long time ago that he always will keep an eye on you, and knowing what he is and the things he can do, you had no reason to not believe him.

“I always am my pretty baby,” he coos before pressing teasing kisses to your open mouth, seemingly tasting and feeding off of every little noise that slips out, “and it hurts to see you let such a nasty man touch you where only I should. You didn’t even notice him following you out of that trashy club did you, silly thing?”

You jerk back as much as you can with the way he holds you, eyes widening at the news that you were apparently being followed without your knowledge. Every emotion that swims in your brain feels like its fighting for dominance, but with the way he chooses to dip his middle and ring fingers just barely past your entrance you’re struggling to cling to just one.

“God, you are so lucky to have me aren’t you? Who else would take care of creeps and make you feel good hm?” he tilts his head as he speaks, his breath warm against the side of your face before his tongue dips to lick at the shell of your ear, “no one can make you feel the way I do can they?”

“No,” you finally answer after a moment, the word coming out as an airy breath as his fingers finally sink in all the way. He wastes no time before curling them and pressing at the spot that makes your knees buckle, “please Haechan, need you so bad.”

“Oh is that one of those infamous lies of yours you were talking about?” he pulls away slightly, but shows no interest in slowing the motions of his hand, “well it can’t be can it? I can always tell you know? Can hear the way your heart picks up when you lie, much different than the way it does when you’re about to come for me.”

His wrist starts to move faster, the heel of his hand finally pressing and rubbing against your clit as the muscles of his forearm start to strain. The telling signs of your orgasm feel too sudden, too fast, and with his hand still constricting the blood that tries to flow to your head all you can do is let your eyes roll as your breathing comes out as small puffs.

“But since you’ve asked so nicely,” you can only let out a pathetic cry when he pulls his hand away from you suddenly, your lack of oxygen being the only thing stopping you from letting out a scream loud enough for the whole block to hear as he denies you of any stimulation. All you can do is let out incoherent babbling and whines as your hands reach up to dig your nails into the leather jacket protecting his forearms.

He releases your neck, your skin burning from the friction and the sudden amount of oxygen and blood returning to your head making you dizzy. And while your eyes roll as they try to refocus and your heart rate begins to slow to normal, he grabs your wrists and pushes your weakened form to be flush against the wall thats scrapes against your exposed skin.

“You are by far the best thing ive ever tasted,” he mutters, not concerned with whether you heard him or not, before his mouth latches to the side of your neck. He seems to find the most interest in the finger prints he left behind, as he pulls the tender skin between his sharp teeth and works to create a bruise that won’t leave you for another week.

Regardless of denying you a proper release, he considers himself to still be a generous guy. As his tongue lays flat against the burning skin of your neck, he starts to kick at your feet until your clumsy legs are falling apart wide enough for him to press his thigh against your skin, and in the exact way he predicted, you can’t help but to begin grinding helplessly against him.

One of the main reasons the dress that you currently wear is one of his favorites, is the neckline. Low enough to show the expanse of your chest and just enough of your cleavage to make him salivate. He’s as transparent as glass with this love, especially as he mouth travels down between your collarbones and sternum.

You can hear a quiet pop in the fabric of the neckline when he bites down and begins to pull it with him as he sinks down to the floor, the huff you let out being both in frustration from him further ruining a nice dress and your impatience.

The straps dig harshly into the skin of your shoulders before they give and fall, the sudden lack of support making it easier for Haechan to take the fabric and expose your chest to the cold air.

The look in his eyes when you look down is mean and predatory, you fear one day he’ll snap and consume you whole, but for today he settles for wrapping his swollen lips around your nipple and sucking harshly.

Your hips quicken involuntary, broken moans filling the empty alley as you twitch and squirm in his hold. He seems to grow irritated at your impatience as he shoves your wrists back harshly, his knuckles audibly scraping against the brick.

“You can never be patient to save your life,” his head tilts forward and he presses his forehead against your sternum with a huff before he’s leaning back up to press a sloppy kiss against your panting mouth, “you’re lucky I missed you so much or otherwise you’d be in for a lot longer of a night.”

He keeps your wrists trapped in his hold as he moves to kneel on the ground, the rough and dirtied pavement doing nothing to help the tears that already litter his jeans.

You feel your face flush when he lets go of one wrist and uses his newly freed hand to shove the hem of your dress up and around your hips, and the burning beneath your skin only worsens when he leans forward and breathes deeply with his nose pressed against your pubic bone.

He leans back for a moment, his hand wrapping around the bend of your knee to pull your leg to rest on his shoulder and you feel your shoulder sting from the wall cutting into your skin from him moving you like a doll.

“Haechan,” you whisper his name out with a pout that you hope will get you exactly what you want, but you can only huff and petulantly twitch when he begins nipping and licking at the skin on the insides of your thighs.

His teeth are sharper than most, and he usually airs on the side of caution because he’s aware of this. His bites are gentle for the most part, but when you begin to peak in your feelings of impatience, you can’t help the way your hips begin jerking forwards in search of his tongue.

His palm pushing against your hip is his first warning, a generous one in his opinion, but when the warning seems to fly completely over your pretty little head he has no other choice but to lean forward and sink his teeth into delicate skin at the bend of your thigh.

You cry out for a second before you’re tucking your lip between your teeth. It stings terribly, the skin breaking around his teeth burns but you can’t stop the way you revel in the sharp pain. And at the exact same moment you taste the metallic ting of the blood falling from your bitten lip, you feel the same warm thick liquid drip from the wounds he’s created and straight into his grinning mouth.

More blood falls freely when he pulls his teeth from your flesh, his warm tongue flattening against the injury immediately to catch as much of the liquid as possible.

He laps at it for a moment, savoring as much of the taste of your life source as possible, before he starts at the bottom of the bite mark and drags slowly up.

Once his tongue moves off the wound, he continues across your skin. The moment he hits your labia, you let out a gasp and jerk against him again, your mind completely erasing the fact that the bite was meant to be a punishment for that exact thing.

He seems to have forgotten him wanting you to remain still, as he doesn’t hesitate in the slightest until his licking across your stil swollen bundle of nerves.

He moans as the flavor of your arousal mixes with the still lingering taste of your blood, the vibrations shooting straight up your spine and making you shiver.

He tilts his head up to smile at you, his eyes shining as he grabs your hands and moving them to thread into his curled hair.

“Why are you shivering?” he asks with a faux concern, his right hand smoothing over your thigh before pushing between your legs to return his fingers to their spot inside of you, immediately pumping and curling them slowly, “are you cold or something? Maybe it’s because you’re in such a skimpy little dress?”

You groan out in annoyance at his playful act, your eyes rolling back but for once not in pleasure. It’s not until he starts to proudly giggle to himself do you exploit the hold you have on the back of his head to push him back to your body.

You fear that being shoved around may be the exact thing Haechan would have wanted, when he happily moans before latching his lips to your clit again, but the pleasure that melts your muscles erases any need to call him out on his deviousness and perverted enjoyment.

He seems happy with your moving hips when they start to move against his waiting face. Your fingers mindlessly and desperately tug at his scalp as your head tilts back and thumps against the wall.

The hand that isn’t pressed deeply inside you slides across your hip, his callused fingers making goosebumps run up your arms as they push into your lower belly.

You can feel yourself fluttering around his fingers as the curl and push apart, your thighs tensing around his bobbing head as he licks and bites gently at your clit. It feels like it’s harder to catch your breath and you know you’re only moments from orgasm.

“Please, please,” you start to stutter the word over and over, praying both that he lets you come and that you’re neighbors are deep enough in sleep to not hear the noises you know will escape you.

You almost cry in relief when you feel his shoulders shift, his face and fingers both pressing deeper from the movement in a way that tells you he has no intention on letting up on your shivering body.

His blunt nails start to scratch into your skin and you can feel his heavy panting breath against your skin every time he begins to lap at you desperately. You can feel your muscles lose even more strength, and your head becoming heavier and dazed as he coaxed you closer and closer to your finish.

Your shoulders twitch up towards your ears and you feel your stomach clench as your back curves, small whines and whimpers leave you as the heel of your foot thumps against the space between his shoulder blades.

You gasp out when you feel it, them. They start as small bumps beneath your palms, and you feel your chest tighten when it clicks what they are.

He’s always had a good hold on controlling them, keeping them hidden so he can wreak havoc without being clocked as something inhuman. They had peaked out a few times, usually in moments like this, but it’s such a rarity that you can’t stop the way your heart begins to thump in your chest.

Out of everything about him, you were obsessed with all of him, but you loved his horns the most. They were small and sharp at the side of his head and the way he looks when they’re poking out amongst his curled hair, and especially when he was grumpy or mad, made you want to jump on him and kiss him all over.

You were so caught up and distracted by them growing to full size directly under your hands you forgot how sharp they were at their tapered ends. The reminder you get is when they sharply down push into your palms like thorns.

You gasp sharply, but the way they curl makes you afraid to pull away. It makes you tremble and flush with embarrassment, but the pain bleeding into your hands is the last straw on your nerves. All you can do is wrap your now bleeding hands around the horns and cry out into the cold air as your erratic hips move across his face.

He groans deeply against you as your nails scrape at the skin that surrounds the base of his horns, the feeling of his and his still moving tongue pushes you through and past your gasping orgasm.

You sign in relief when he finally detaches from your body, his mouth moving up to press your hip and across the space of your stomach the dress reveals. He puts your leg down slowly and he creeps back up your torso, now hyper aware of your wounded hands still stuck on his horns.

“Sorry my love, they’re kinda sharp aren’t they?” he rhetorically asks with a soft but guilty grin. He stays ducked down enough that your hands don’t go too high that they start to slip, and he follows with his own to help you detach them.

“I just keep making my mark on you tonight huh?” he sighs as he stands at full height and brings your still bleeding hands to his face. You grit your teeth and scrunch your nose when he gives you a knowing look that says ‘we both know what I have to do.’

He is quick and gentle when he swipes his tongue across the deep cuts in your hands, not wanting it to sting more than necessary.

A teasing grin fills his face when he looks up to see the tired pout on your face, “just like the one on your leg, there won’t be anything left than a bruise if you just wait like an hour,” he’s sincere in his words, and you know it works, but you still feel all wounded and tired.

“Take me home,” you demand, wrapping your slowly healing hands around his shoulders and leaning until your head rests against his shoulder.

“Hey now,” he contradicts his tone by wrapping his arm around your waist and helping guide you walk to your apartment, “you still have to feed Oscar, and take a shower, and I’m not even full yet so you have to let me play with you until I wear you out.”

His tone is far too genuine and loving for the words he says, and you swat weakly at his chest in annoyance, but all he does in response is a laugh.