#woke up way too tired to even consider attending seminar in person so had to lurk in the online seminar

[minisculegemstone]

Well today was Fucking Terrible.

[cyclone-rachel]

Pay the Asking Price

a Supergirl fanfic

chapter 15

AO3 link

previous chapters: 1//2//3//4//5//6//7//8//9//10//11//12//13//14

~

When Querl woke up, he thought he was still dreaming.

He still wasn’t wearing his image inducer, he realized, but that didn’t matter- the woman lying beside him loved him for who he was, alien appearance or not. They were illuminated by the soft morning light coming through Kara’s windows, and when he turned over to his other side, she was there with her eyes open, looking at him lovingly.

For he was in her bed, her white and green and blue comforter draped over them both, and neither of them were completely wearing their pajamas.

“Kara.” He said, smiling at her. She ran a hand through his hair, before kissing his cheek.

“Good morning to you too.” Kara answered. “Your hair looks really cute when it’s messy, you know.”

“Then I will try to have it like this more often.” Querl said.

(He didn’t think messy hair could be cute, and being who he was, he was often held to a higher standard where his appearance was concerned- meaning that he had to look immaculate in all areas of his grooming, including his hair, and any deviation or deterioration was usually a sign that he was working long hours, or otherwise neglecting his needs in favor of professional concerns. He would have been concerned… but now, with her, he was starting to see things differently. She was giving him a reason to relax, and work while still taking care of himself, and he now allowed himself to be more vulnerable around her.

To wake up with messy hair, and not be afraid of what it meant for him or what he was doing)

“You don’t have to do anything.” She said.

Querl relaxed, and kissed her forehead.

“Then I will not.” He answered. “Thank you. I… trust that our night together was good?”

“It was. You were.” Kara said. “Thank you, Querl. I felt so good this morning that I could’ve… I don’t know, pulled a tanker or helped deliver a litter of puppies, or stopped a bunch of armed robberies- or even just gotten coffee and flowers for us.”

“You can still do all of those things.” Querl answered. “I can wait for you.”

“Yeah, and I wanted to wait until you woke up.” Kara said. “I mean… for a long time, before I came to Earth, I was stuck. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.”

Querl took her hands, and gently held them, as she continued.

“And sometimes, even now, I still feel like that. Dreams blend into reality… and waking up to see one of the most handsome men I’ve ever met next to me felt too good to be true. But it was real, and you’re real, and I’m so happy that you’re here.”

“As am I.” Querl said. “And I will always listen, to whatever you want to say.”

And I would be happy to wake up beside you for the rest of my life.

He gradually let go of her hands, then, as she got up- and before he knew it, she was in her Supergirl suit, off to save the world in the way she knew how- or at least save the morning- and then she was back, carrying a small tray of coffees from Noonan’s and a bouquet of roses.

Querl put the bouquet into a vase, and after Kara changed into civilian clothes, she hugged him, as his arms went around her, and they kissed again.

“Sure is nice to do that without breaking the person’s nose.” Kara said, whispering the words into his mouth.

Querl pulled away, just a little.

“How many times has that happened?”

“Less than… five.” Kara admitted sheepishly.

“So, four? Exactly four times?” he asked, as Kara laughed, leaning on him for a moment before they kissed again.

“Maybe.” She said. “But… I’ll tell you about that later, because we have to be at work in 20 minutes.”

“Yes.” Querl answered. “We do.”

“And speaking of which, could we keep this… quiet?” Kara asked. “I want people to know, it’s just…”

I don’t want this to end up like what happened with James. I won’t let it.

“For now.” She clarified. “The last time I liked someone, everyone in my life watched, and commented on it, and I just really don’t want that to happen to us.”

Trust me, I understand that.

“So, there is an “us”?” Querl asked.

“Yeah.” Kara said, smiling at him as she held him again.

“I like that.”

They kissed again, and Querl knew he would never get tired of such a sensation.

“Of course we can keep it quiet.” He said.

I wouldn’t dream of doing otherwise to you.

~ And he didn’t. But it was very difficult, later that day when they were in the DEO together, not to walk up to J’onn and Alex and announce that he and Kara were dating. He wanted for the two of them to be holding hands, wanted to kiss her in public, anything to remind him that this relationship was a real and tangible thing. Kara Zor-El had chosen him, he had chosen her, they had strong feelings for one another and nothing- not even having to fill out forms from the DEO’s HR department and having to attend seminars, as he was sure they’d have to do once they told J’onn and Alex- would hinder that.

However, Querl also knew that he likely would not be telling James about the nature of his and Kara’s new relationship. He and Winn seemed to be together now, and were quite happy with each other, but it just seemed insensitive to tell him on his own, without Kara there. He could have told Maggie and Lena, but he didn’t know them well enough, and Eve… well, she seemed like someone he couldn’t tell any sensitive information to, no matter what it was.

Winn, though… he was a safe option, as long as Kara let her tell him. He was in a new relationship himself, and might share in the excitement Querl admitted he was feeling at the moment. He was a friend of Kara’s, and had been working with Querl long enough that he felt that they knew each other better than he and some of Kara’s other friends. And Querl wasn’t sure about how well Winn could keep a secret, but he had kept James’s long enough, so what was one more?

But again, he couldn’t tell him yet. So Querl only kept his and Kara’s relationship “close to the vest”, so to speak, and with that human phrase in mind he imagined such knowledge was held in concentrated form, beating in time with his heart.

“Holy Cadmus crème egg.” Winn said, just as Querl had been thinking about him, and pulled something up on the monitors.

“Cadmus? But they’ve been dark since Lillian broke out of prison.”

“Ah, but they are back and with a vengeance.” Winn continued, zeroing in closer on the footage he had. “We got a convoy coming out from one of their suspected weapon storage facilities.”

“Tell Alex and Querl to set up a backup team.” Kara said, not thinking about the fact that she’d just used Brainy’s real name.

(The name that she’d had on her mind ever since the time they’d shared last night, that she’d gasped almost into his mouth, that she thought suited him far better than his title did)

(She didn’t know whether or not Winn would read too much into it, but she sure hoped not. As happy as she was, the idea of revealing a new relationship so soon was still daunting, and no less scary- and it would’ve been even if she wasn’t Supergirl.)

“You’re going alone?”

“No, I’m taking the other fly guy.” Kara answered, already on her way out.

“Teamwork makes the dream work!” Winn shouted after her, and if Kara looked behind her, she’d probably see him doing finger guns, or perhaps a double thumbs-up.

But right then, she was focused, and her focus led her and J’onn to the Cadmus trucks, to an area near a Lord Technologies active test range.

Where, after not being able to see inside the main truck initially, and being shot at from several of the vans surrounding the truck, Kara Danvers finally found her adoptive father again.

~

Querl, wanting to leave the Danvers sisters to their family reunion in the DEO medbay (as Alex took care of Jeremiah, checking to see how much Cadmus had really done to him) got a briefing of the situation from Winn, who had the courtesy to wait with him outside.

According to him, Jeremiah had been lost in the Amazon rainforest, and woken up in Cadmus, where he had personally been forced to turn Hank Henshaw into the being known as the Cyborg-Superman. He had been made to stay there precisely because he’d apparently done such a good job enhancing Henshaw, and though he had tried to escape, each attempt was unsuccessful. But he saw his confinement as a good thing- through it, he was able to keep his daughters safe.

“I came as soon as I heard.” Querl said, entering after he thought it appropriate to do so.

“Brainiac 5 of Colu.” Jeremiah said. “We meet again.”

“I’m glad you are unharmed.” Querl answered- though a scan revealed that he, too, had been enhanced below the surface. “I was worried that, after you let us out, Cadmus would-“

“Imprison and torture me for betraying them? Well, you’d be right.”

Kara, beside Querl, looked just as worried as Querl had felt- and was now sad for him, closing her eyes and letting her head drop down in a mournful pose.

“Dad, the, uh… the damage to your hand, it’s extensive.” Alex said, turning Jeremiah’s attention to her.

“It was… a punishment for helping Querl and Kara escape. But I would do it again in a heartbeat… so lucky you found me. So lucky to be back with you two.”

He smiled at his daughters, as Alex looked like she was about to cry and Kara was smiling back. The punishment and torture he spoke of showed on his face, and clearly it was difficult for both sisters to handle, as happy as they were to have their father back.

But Jeremiah’s words triggered a thought process, in Querl’s mind, as he considered the scans he’d ran of Jeremiah’s body, just how easy it had seemed for Kara and J’onn to get him off of the transport- and for that matter, how easy it had been for them to find said transport in the first place, how Cadmus- if he was indeed one of their valuable assets, predisposition for betrayal aside- hadn’t seemed to fight for his return…

“It’s more than luck.” He concluded, and it wasn’t until J’onn stared at him, with the others following suit, that he realized he’d said it out loud.

“What do you mean?” J’onn asked, standing up.

“We received an alert that Cadmus was moving a weapon, we do not get alerts unless they’re releasing a video or we catch them red-handed, as the saying goes.” Querl answered.

“But we did catch them red-handed.” Kara said.

“Yes, but they meant for us to see them- waving said metaphorical red hands in the air.” He answered. “Literally, as though they did not care.”

Kara looked surprised, but Jeremiah spoke next.

“Querl’s right. You need to keep your guard up, because Cadmus does have a weapon.”

“What is it?”

“A nuclear fusion bomb.” Said Jeremiah, hesitating before the third word.

The others exchanged worried looks, before he continued.

“They’re gonna destroy National City.” He said. “And blame it on hostile aliens.”

“How did Cadmus get their hands on it?” asked Kara.

“No, they didn’t steal it. They built it.” Jeremiah answered. “Using the radiation they mined from your heat vision when you were in their custody.” Querl placed a hand on Kara’s shoulder, and J’onn and Alex quickly followed, as if to say: This is not your fault. You are not to blame for what they will try to do with this weapon. You do not need to burden yourself with guilt over their stealing your energy that you put to good use every day. You are still good.

“Oh my god.” Kara murmured.

~ “So, what you’re telling me is that Jeremiah Danvers, former DEO agent and Kara and Alex’s long-lost father, has returned from Cadmus custody with the news that our enemy has developed a nuclear fusion explosive using Kara’s otherworldly heat vision radiation, and that they’re going to drop that on National City and just kill us all?” Winn asked, facing the others while sitting in his chair and giving them the falsest smile that Querl had ever seen, although perhaps that was the point. He clapped his hands together. “Ha!”

But he quickly grew more serious, realizing what he’d just summarized.

“Is- is this- is this place bombproof?”

J’onn looked at him as though he were a disappointed father, reacting to his son asking him if he could play football indoors.

“You could run a trace on Kara’s heat vision radiation signature.” Jeremiah pointed out.

“Yeah! Right! Well, if the bomb was armed, then yes I might be able to pinpoint its location before it goes off.”

“Good. Get to work, Winn.” J’onn said.

“Jeremiah!”

His face lit up, as Eliza Danvers made her entrance, and Alex looked back at Kara with an expression Querl couldn’t place as Jeremiah said “Eliza!” and rushed over to her, and the two embraced one another.

“Oh, my God, did I miss you.” Jeremiah said.

Kara was audibly excited, watching their reunion, but Alex was more hesitant- although she was just as happy as her sister.

“Kara, may I speak with you?” Querl asked.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

They walked over into a side corridor, as Querl explained himself.

“Kara, I am just as happy as you are to see your father back.” He said. “However, I was there when we were in captivity together, and I watched you solar-flare… and it did not look like they were trying to capture your heat vision. Rather, it looked more like they wanted you to expend your energy, so they could cause you more pain.”

“Brainy…” she started. But as many excuses as she had- you don’t know how that works, this is a twenty-first century device so you don’t understand it as well as stuff you have in the future, maybe I just want to enjoy my adoptive father being back for a little while before we start accusing him of anything- she had to admit to herself that Querl was a scientist, he did know what he was talking about… and perhaps he was even familiar with similar devices himself. “Querl. I understand your concerns. But for right now, I’m trusting Jeremiah. He’s always protected me at great cost, and he protected you too. Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt?”

“He lived with your enemy for years. They forced him to keep Henshaw alive, what makes you think that they’re not forcing Jeremiah to do something at this moment?”

Kara squeezed his hand, maybe a little more forcefully than she would’ve.

“I know you’re just trying to look out for us.” She said.

And maybe, as a Brainiac, you expect deceit from those around you.

“For me.” She continued. “But he needs us right now. Please.”

Querl sighed, filing away the scans he’d made and the rest of his evidence. If trust in Jeremiah based on lived experience with knowing his character was good enough for Kara… it could, with time, be good enough for him.

It had been good enough for Superman, when Querl was the one to be suspicious of. Surely he could return the favor with Kara’s father.

“Okay.” He said. “Alright.”

Kara smiled, and hugged him.

“Thank you.” She said. “We’re having a family dinner to celebrate his return. You’re welcome to get to know him, spend time with him, and you’ll see that there’s nothing to be afraid of. At all. Jeremiah’s return isn’t an accidental gift, it’s just a gift, and we should be happy about it.”

Querl nodded.

I am. For now, at least.

~ Kara opened the door to Querl, holding two beverages in his hands.

“This one is for myself.” He said, indicating one of them. “And this is for the rest of you.”

He gave that one to Kara, who smiled at him, the tension between them over Jeremiah’s return now lessened- especially evidenced by the kiss Kara gave him when she closed the door.

“Was I supposed to wear a tie?” he asked.

“No.” Kara said, as he moved on to see Jeremiah, now looking decidedly healthier, as well as Eliza.

“Doctor Danvers! And Doctor Danvers.” He said, indicating both of them.

“Eliza, Jeremiah, this is… my boyfriend, Querl.” Kara said. “We just really started dating, but… we’re really happy together.”

“Good to hear.” Eliza said, as Jeremiah looked up from slicing limes in half to smile at them. “He’s such a sweet boy.”

Querl nodded, still somewhat getting used to Kara’s usage of that word (as neither of them had used such terms as boyfriend and girlfriend to apply to each other yet- but he was nonetheless happy beyond words to hear her use it, even though there were quite a few others over the years who’d also done so when in relationships with him), as Kara walked with him towards the couches, where Alex and Maggie were sitting.

~ J’onn entered just as Jeremiah was starting to pour drinks for everyone, and Jeremiah wasted no time in giving him a hug, thanking him for saving his life again and for keeping his promise to watch over Kara and Alex.

“It was an honor.” J’onn said, and Kara raised her glass.

“A toast. To coming home.” She said, and the rest echoed it, clinking their glasses against one another’s, before drinking.

“Now obviously, this is going to be a time of adjustment.” Jeremiah said. “But I hope you’ll all be patient with me. I’ve seen and done things I wish I hadn’t…”

Kara gave Querl a look that she hoped everyone else didn’t catch before turning her attention back on Jeremiah.

“Dad.” Alex said, eyes shining with empathy for him. “Don’t.”

“Sweetie, if I’m gonna move forward, I can’t ignore my past.” He said, as Eliza began to gently rub his back. “Cadmus… changed me, they tried to break me, and in the process they made me dangerous. I know their weaknesses, and I’m here to work with all of you to make our planet safer.”

That’s just what he wants you to think.

But I’m trusting Kara. And if she’s taking his words at face value, then I should, too.

So he hushed his doubts, and took a sip of his drink- which, he had to commend the Danvers parents for, was excellently prepared.

“So, if you’ll have me, Director, I would like to return to the DEO.” Jeremiah said, turning to J’onn. “Formally.”

“J’onn?” Kara said. “Can he?”

“Pending a full psych evaluation, and a field readiness exam, I’ll give you the tour tomorrow.” J’onn said, just as happy to have his friend back.

“Thank you, friend.” Jeremiah answered, placing a hand on his arm.

“Maybe you should say something nice to him.” Kara whispered to Querl.

“I’m glad you’re returning, sir.” Querl said. “I… understand the plight you’ve been through, and I offer my condolences, and my sympathies.”

“Thank you.” Jeremiah answered, as Querl could see he wasn’t sure how to respond.

“It is fortunate, that you returned when you did, to help us with stopping this new weapon you’ve given us knowledge of.”

“You mean when he was rescued.” Alex said, insistently.

“Right. That.” He answered. “It’s a gift. Truly.”

“Querl?” Kara said, pulling him aside after he quieted himself again. “What would you do, if your father walked through that door?”

“I… don’t know.” Querl said. “I never met him.”

But he must have been someone my mother deemed worthy of having intercourse with. So at the very least, based on that point I would not welcome him with open arms.

“Suppose you had. Suppose he’d raised you, and you trusted him, but he disappeared from your life at a young age, but now after so many years, he just came back in and wanted to be your father again. Would you deny him that?”

“I would have to know he were telling the truth.”

“Okay. Well, in this case, we have reason to believe that Jeremiah is, and if this were your father- even though I don’t know a thing about him- I think I’d feel the same that you are about this situation.” Kara answered. “So, would you like to come back to dinner, or not?”

Querl considered leaving, to make certain he didn’t say something that would cause Jeremiah discomfort. But then again, Kara wanted him to be hopeful about this. She trusted him to be private about their dating situation, and he’d kept that privacy. He would honor her request once again now, despite anything about this that was still bothering him.

“I am sorry.” He said. “I would love to.”

Kara smiled, and they went to sit down, the mood considerably lighter. ~ “Hey.” Winn said, sitting down next to Querl at the bar.

“For you.” Querl answered, passing him a drink. “Perfect timing, thanks for coming.”

They clinked their drinks together, before starting in on them.

“Always happy to grab a drink, but you do realize that we’re, like, kinda in an all-hands-on-deck situation right now, trying to track down that fusion… b-o-m-b?”

“Very discreet.” Querl noted.

“Uh, speaking of. What’s so top-secret that you can’t talk to me about it at the DEO, yeah?”

“It’s… Jeremiah’s return.” He said. “I am trying my best to be hopeful about this situation, for Kara. But...”

“I get it, man. You’re worried about her and Alex. And trust me, if it were my mom, I’d have my doubts too.” Winn answered.

“Right.” Querl said, noting to ask Winn more about his own family at a later time. “My point is, what if Cadmus allowed us to rescue Jeremiah so he could sabotage us? Just when this doomsday bomb is about to be detonated? Just consider it.”

Winn sighed.

“You really think so?”

“I would not lie to you. We have never been this lucky- not to mention that the DEO has not been able to locate Jeremiah for 11 years, but now he just resurfaces?”

“So you think Jeremiah is…”

Querl could think of countless ways to finish that sentence, but he opted for saying, “He is just… someone we need to be cautious around. At least until we know exactly what he’s been doing for those past eleven years.”

Winn sat back, taking a long sip of his drink.

“Well, far be it from me to argue with a Brainiac.” He said. “I mean, if you think he’s suspicious, I’ll help you.”

“Thank you.” Querl answered, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a true friend, Winn.”

“Pfft. I know.”

“You realize now that you owe me a favor in return?”

“Of course. Anything.”

Winn’s face grew somber as he answered, “I know how much you like Kara. I mean, even for someone who isn’t a twelfth-level intellect, it’s pretty obvious.”

Querl sighed.

“Yes- you are correct.” He said. “What is your favor?”

“Just be good to her.”

“I would rather die than do otherwise.”

Winn gave him a sad smile, squeezing his shoulder, and he looked like he was going to say something else. But James entered, then, getting an update from Winn on when they would go on their next patrol, information Winn gave to him easily. And when he’d gotten that information, Winn kissed James, lingering for a little bit before pulling away.

Querl didn’t comment, only happy for the two of them, just as he had been for Alex and Maggie.

James left, while Querl watched Winn’s soft, love-struck eyes follow him out.

“And you be good to him.” Querl said, as Winn nodded and they clinked their drinks again.

~

“Winn? Brainy, you wanted to see me?”

Kara closed the door behind her, knowing what she was in for.

“Yes. Winn found something, and we only thought you should know about it- presenting this objectively, for you to take or leave as you wish.” Querl answered.

“Okay. What is it?” Kara asked, letting herself trust her boyfriend- just as she’d asked him to trust her- and her best friend, even though she still hoped that Jeremiah wasn’t in the wrong.

“So, earlier today, J’onn was giving Jeremiah a tour of the facility, right?” Winn started. “But when J’onn stepped away, I saw Jeremiah trying to break into the DEO mainframe.”

“Are you sure?” Kara asked. “Wait, were you spying on Jeremiah?”

“I was in the right place at the right time.” Winn said.

“Well, do you know he was breaking in? J’onn could’ve given him access- you don’t know what he was doing, or what he was looking up.”

“I can access that- link to the computer, find what he was searching for.” Querl pointed out.

“Alright.” Kara said. “Do it.”

Jeremiah is spying on us, Winn thought. Probably. We might as well return the favor.

~ “Hey, Jeremiah, can we talk for a minute?”

“Sure, what’s up?” he asked, as Kara walked back into the command center, Querl and Winn behind her.

“Is everything okay?” Alex said.

“Earlier today, you accessed highly classified files from the DEO mainframe.” Kara said, turning to Jeremiah.

“That’s true, I did.”

“Why?”

“I tried to use my old passkey to look at some casefiles.” He said, even though Querl had looked at those casefiles himself once he’d gotten a DEO identification, and the information didn’t match up. All the while, Jeremiah’s left arm was positioned as though he was wearing a cast on it, and although that wasn’t entirely relevant to the situation at hand, Querl could tell that said arm was cybernetic below the surface. “But the access codes have changed, so I did a workaround to get inside.”

“What were you looking at?”

“Casefiles. From the last 16 months.” Jeremiah said. “I wanted to see what my daughters had been up to. Crises that you faced, people that you saved, adventures you’d been on… I’ve been away, so long, case histories were just a way for me to feel like I was there, a little. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Kara said. “Brainy?”

“He is… telling the truth.” Querl answered. “I do not see any record otherwise.”

“Alright. Back to work.” J’onn said. “That includes you, Agent Danvers- Jeremiah, and Alex.”

Alex nodded, in satisfaction, leading her father away before the rest of the group dispersed as well.

~

Querl found Winn at the alien bar again, while Winn was in the middle of a darts game with James.

“Hey, Brainy.” James said, before Winn went to talk to Brainy alone.

“That was impressive.” Querl noted, gesturing to Winn’s dart- not near the center of the board, but still on it nonetheless, which was still good especially if he was drunk.

“Yeah, last time I tried to play darts, I stabbed fish-head dude over there.” Winn said, lowering his voice. “I think his name is Brian? He was nice about it, but I think he might still have a grudge on me.”

“Doesn’t seem like him.” Querl answered. “The grudge-holding, that is. But I meant that I’m happy for you two.”

“And I hope I’ll be happy for you and Kara, once we get this Jeremiah thing sorted out.” Winn said. “It’s just…”

“The situation is complicated. And it is truly for Kara and Alex to sort out for themselves, is it not?”

“Like with everything, you’re right.” Winn said. “And maybe we could both listen to them.”

Winn’s phone pinged, then, and he pulled it out, looking at the notification.

“Well, apparently at least I did something right.” He continued, stabbing a dart into the board for emphasis. “Because I tracked Supergirl’s radiation signature. Cadmus is moving the fusion bomb.”

~

Querl, Alex, and Kara, suited up and prepared to face Cadmus, were in the building where the fusion bomb was supposed to be located… but they saw nothing. No bomb, no Cadmus agents…

“J’onn, please advise, there’s no sign of target.” Alex said. “I repeat, there’s no sign of target, there’s nothing here.”

“What’s going on?” J’onn asked, voice low. “Why can’t I read your mind?”

He’s addressing Jeremiah, Querl thought.

“Dad?” Alex asked, but there was no response.

“We have to get back. Now.” Kara said, and Alex and Querl agreed.

“Let’s move!” Alex ordered, as the others followed her.

~ When they finally got back, it was to the sight of J’onn healing from his injuries- what they were was anyone’s guess- and no Jeremiah. Winn was sitting at J’onn’s bedside, keeping watch over him, as someone was tending to his injuries too.

“Is he okay?” Alex asked, briefly placing her hand on Winn’s shoulder as she passed him.

“Yeah, he will be.” Winn said. “Look, Jeremiah got the jump on him.”

“He couldn’t have.” Alex insisted, still protective of her father. “Okay, look, even if my dad has turned, there’s no way that he could’ve overpowered J’onn.”

“Yeah, that’s what I would have thought.” J’onn said.

Kara sighed with relief, happy to hear him speak.

“Oh, thank Rao you’re okay.” She said.

“Jeremiah’s arm- the one we thought had nerve damage- it’s been enhanced. Cybernetically.”

“I’m aware.” Querl answered. “He is like the other Hank Henshaw- a Cyborg-Superman, an empowered human in service of Cadmus’s ideals.”

“Jeremiah isn’t who he was.” J’onn continued, turning to Alex. “I’m sorry.”

“Not as sorry as Cadmus is going to be.” Alex said.

“We’ll find him.” Kara answered, backing up her sister once more. “Brainy? Winn?”

“Yes. We can track him.”

~

Afterwards, Querl knocked on Kara’s apartment door.

“It’s unlocked.” She called, sounding disheartened.

He entered, setting the pizza and potstickers he’d picked up on the way onto Kara’s kitchen table.

“You’re not alright.”

“No.” Kara confirmed.

“I apologize.” Querl said, walking over to her. “I… am aware that I was right… but that is insensitive. What I mean to say is that I did not want to be right. I hoped, just as you did, that Jeremiah was not a true agent of Cadmus.”

“I know.”

“And… I am here.” He continued. “Tell me what you need. Anything, and I will listen.”

Kara sat up, dislodging the blue blanket she'd covered herself in.

“Just be here with me.” She answered, and wrapped the blanket around both of them as she let herself be held in his arms, and he hoped he was doing his best to soothe her.

“Do you need anything else?” he asked, as she wrapped her arms around him as well.

“Will you wake up with me?” Kara asked in a small voice.

“I’d love to.” He said as he kissed her forehead, and she gently stroked his face in appreciation of that promise.

Kara’s phone rang, then, and she sat up completely, answering it.

“Winn. Did you figure out what Jeremiah stole from the DEO computers?”

“Brainy and I both did, and it’s not good, Kara.” Winn answered. Kara could hear him breathing heavily. “He took the national alien registry.”

“Okay. I’m coming in.” Kara said, hanging up.

“Cadmus has a list of all the aliens in the country.” Querl said.

“And we’re getting up.”

Kara did just that, with Querl right behind her.

I would go with you anywhere, for any purpose. Especially for something as important as this.

[ethanblogsforpt]

PEACE OF MIND AMIDST THE CHAOS IN THE WORLD

Source: The Breck Life

The coronavirus pandemic drastically changed the way we live life. We don’t get to interact with friends physically that much anymore, and we hear negativity everywhere. From the moment we open our phone and log in on social media, we get bombarded with the chaos happening all around the world, from the growing number of COVID-19 cases, issues of social, racial and gender inequality to brewing disagreements between two countries. It affects our mental health negatively, and our spirit may be deflated much as a result, leaving us to think that there is little hope that there will be a time where peace rules over the world, and that there might be no room for change in our society. With that being said, it is now more important than ever that we need to boost our morale, and keep ourselves mentally and spiritually healthy as the front-liners search for a vaccine and a cure to this seemingly never-ending misery. Although we need to have faith, just as the others say, because it is essential to keeping a spiritually healthy mind, we also have to show it through our actions, particularly in various routines, because it usually represents how you value your wellness as a human being. In this blog, I’ll talk about some of the things that I do daily, that helps me balance my time and health this quarantine, and maybe you can take note of one of the things in my routine, and apply them in yours too.

MONDAY – 7:30 AM

NEW WEEK, NEW SET OF BIBLE VERSES

Source: history.com

Since the new normal classes started, I woke up at 7:30 every morning, to prepare myself for every class, synchronous or self-paced. As soon as I’m awake, I usually pray, to thank God for giving me another day to live, since this year made us realize that life is too precious, and that nothing is promised, not even tomorrow. I thank Him for giving me all the things that I am able to enjoy today, and I also ask for His guidance in every aspect of my life. It may be making decisions that may affect my future, or my character. Afterwards, I read some bible verses that help keep me on track and stay unfazed from the negativity that I see whenever I open my social media accounts.

After everything else, I then get to reflect on all the blessings that I received, and it made me appreciate all the little things even more. I admit, one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my life, is that I took some things for granted. Waking up early in the morning and going to school is something that I really took for granted, something that I wouldn’t thought I’d miss it soon enough. Another, is going out everyday after school for a short bike ride around the neighborhood, or perhaps playing basketball with my friends. For now, I have to wait a bit longer before I get to do these again, like the normal days. I’d also reflect on the dreams that I get last night, if I can recall them. They do symbolize things sometimes, and it may be referring to you, your situation in life right now, or what you need to do in order to get yourself past a difficult situation, if you’re facing one currently. Also, they have hidden messages, which are usually about what you feel towards a certain situation. I’d go for a few reps of some exercises after, to make sure that I’m fit, since this is the right time to invest more of your time in exercising to stay fit.  Alright, it’s time for me to start my classes. I’ll write again tomorrow, but until then, I must finish everything I need to do for this day.

TUESDAY – 10:03 PM

ONE RAINY NIGHT

Source: depositphotos.com

Another day, yet today is rainy unlike yesterday. It’s my favorite weather, because for some reason I find it relaxing, and it allows me to focus more on what I’m doing, much like how praying to God everyday realigns my focus towards everything I do for the day. Pairing it with hot chocolate and doughnuts probably would be what I call a great start to a rainy morning, that would eventually last until evening. I still have a lot to do today, since there are still assessments and tasks that I didn’t get to finish yesterday. I’ll carry on with my usual routine after that, taking a bath, then maybe taking a break from all the school stuff that I’m working on. I often play games and watch anime after I finish several tasks. Maybe I’d watch about 5 episodes, then do another set of tasks again. I’d also listen to music, depending on what genre I’d like to listen to in a day. It helps me focus, although I admit I’d be singing it at some part. But hey, if it’s effective, why not?

         Anyways, I’m tired right now. I sleep late like almost every day. I never forget to pray before I sleep though, because when I was still a 9 year old kid, I frequently had nightmares whenever I forgot to pray before I sleep, which would then be my routine every night. Alright, I’ll write again tomorrow. I’m hopeful that tomorrow will be an another opportunity for me to be better emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally than I am yesterday.

WEDNESDAY – 8:00PM

DE-STRESSING IN THE MIDDLE OF SCHOOLWORKS

Source: verywell.com

It’s already Wednesday, and things are kind of getting stressful enough. It’s hard, especially for me, considering that I still have tasks to do, and that I have a schedule of learning how to code after classes. I usually finish some difficult tasks around 4PM, and I get to unwind from all the stuff that I’ve been doing. Usually, I watch anime or play games with my friends. I even read some bible verses to keep my faith in God strong. However, this day was different. I just wanted to take a nap, considering that I slept late because of my daily late-night talks with my dad, who’s working abroad. I somehow did, I prayed before sleeping and now I’m energized enough to continue doing the tasks that were unfinished now.

         I think now is the time to take care of ourselves mentally more than ever. That’s why I’m doing everything one step at a time. I unwind when I feel like I need to. I constantly get reminded of that too, because sometimes I could spend the whole day just working on schoolwork, without taking a break. I’d give myself an hour to refresh my mind, make sure that it stays healthy when I continue to study and do tasks. A lot of us are already stressed today, with the immense pressure that the pandemic gives us, as we hear a plethora of news with one common subject: the coronavirus. I don’t want anything to add up to it, that’s why I try to finish everything that I can possibly do in a day. I was taught once in Grade 4, that what you can do today, do it now. Tomorrow is never promised, so do everything that you need to do today, when you have the time and the resources. It avoids us from rushing to finish something on time, with only little time left. Despite all of that, it is also important to relax once in a while, since the challenge that the pandemic has brought to us today is not only being healthy physically, but testing our mental toughness, which I believe is the key to keeping ourselves productive this quarantine.

THURSDAY – 10:38 PM

LESS STRESS, MORE ENJOYMENT

Source: pushsquare.com

It’s Thursday already, and I’m feeling a bit too excited because it’s almost weekends. I still have a lot to do, but I’m making good progress. I’ve already finished almost two-thirds of what I need to do, and it’s only a matter of time before self-care week is around. Today is just another usual day for me, the typical unwinding through playing games and talking with friends. It’s like I can’t miss a day without communicating with them, and it has been a part of our routine ever since. I just finished praying, and as I was about to take a spoonful of my food, I suddenly remembered one moment in my life where I was showing a bit of ungratefulness towards everything I have, and it was me being ungrateful about the food that was served on our table.

         That gave me time to reflect again, on how I developed and matured as a person, and participating in Bible Studies that our neighbors held really helped in molding me into the person that I am today. I really appreciate the fact that I’m surrounded with the right people, who lead me in the right path. I also appreciate my relatives letting me join them with every religious practice and seminar that they attend to. It really helped me strengthen my faith in God, which I keep on recalling whenever I notice myself being stressed or losing faith in God. If it weren’t for them, who knows what may happen to me? My parents might get a call saying that I got into trouble for any mischievous stuff that I did in school or someplace else. The book that my mom bought for me that allows me to point out my bad habits, and how to replace them with the good ones certainly helped. But the main reason why I am what I am right now, is because of my upbringing. My parents never spoiled me with expensive stuff, and although there was a point where I wished I have them, I just focused on the ones that I have right now, because it’s still a blessing, and I am still fortunate enough, unlike other children who had a rough childhood. I don’t get to appreciate them unless if those things were taken away from me. It’s a privilege, and I’m grateful enough for that. Alright, that’s it for now. We’re about to pray together as a family, and we’ll continue to pray that this pandemic finally ends, and we could all go back to our normal lives.

FRIDAY – 9:59 PM

THE POWER OF ONE PRAYER

Source: foxnews.com

Praying every day doesn’t really consume that much of your time. I know I’ve reiterated this over and over in my past entries, but one of my prayers got answered, and it’s related to the wellness of my family. I kept on praying that my dad is going to be alright, considering that he becomes anxious sometimes, and the only thing that could make it go away is when he talks to us. I’m also grateful that he’s my dad, because he still spends time communicating with us. Along with that, I’m glad that my mom didn’t contract the disease, because she constantly goes out to buy food and other stuff. I also recited one bible verse from the Book of John 3:16 which is “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” It reminds us that everything in the world happens for a reason, and that God has a plan for each and every one of us. Despite all of the chaos happening in the world, I’m sure He’s letting us try to realize something through those happenings, and that is being grateful for getting a chance to live, since many are already suffering from the disease the COVID-19 virus brings. Before I move on into the weekends, I usually reflect on what I did this week, to determine whether I have been productive or not. I try to stay productive in anyway possible, and for the upcoming self-care week, I plan to practice more in playing the piano, because I plan to pursue music too, and it’s what I love. I just find joy in playing instruments, and I could go as far as making my own covers and my own compositions too. I also want to read books related to the economy, the stock market and finance, since I also desire to become an investor someday, just like my dad, although his job is really an Electronics Engineer, he also invests in the stock market whenever he has time, along with the family time he spends with us.

         These are my routines every day, and although it may not that much, I’m sure it’ll give you something to do to remain productive during these days. Our mental and spiritual health is now more important than ever, and it’s only fitting to do these. In praying, it could be before and after meals, waking up and before going to sleep. As for the bible verses, you could incorporate them into your schedule once a day. It’s not enough though, if you don’t really apply the lessons that the verses convey in your life. Such example is when we encounter a situation that’s left us with uncertainty to decide on something. God and the Holy Spirit will surely help us provide the strength and wisdom, to do what’s good and proper. Reciting one also helps us calm down and think through it wisely. We have to be ready for these situations in life, and this quarantine provides us plenty of time to do so, for our character development and our decision-making skills, because one wrong decision later on in life will really change everything, which will then cause us to regret doing it.

[sarahburness]

How to Find That Something That Feels Missing

“The spiritual path is simply the journey of living our lives. Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don’t know it.” ~Marianne Williamson

I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst tightening of my chest that I had ever experienced. My heart was racing uncontrollably, my hands were clammy and cold, and nothing I did brought relief.

I prayed. I chanted. I tapped. I prayed and then prayed some more.

I thought I was going to die. I started to immediately regret all of the things I hadn’t said, all of the things I hadn’t done, and all the ways I’d failed to truly enjoy my life.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally fell asleep just to wake up in another panic because my entire body was wired from head to toe. To make matters worse, I needed to be in court bright and early (more on that later).

I remember walking into my cardiologist’s office in a panic. He insisted nothing was wrong and that I should consider quitting my job.

“Quit my job?” I laughed out loud several times.

His face was stoic. He was not joking. Sh** just got real.

After wearing a heart monitor for thirty days because I needed to get to the bottom of these debilitating episodes, thankfully, I learned that my heart was functioning just fine. But, the symptoms were a message about a much bigger problem.

I needed a makeover. I needed a blank canvas.

Up until that moment, I had lived my life checking items off a list—a list society tells us we need to tackle if we want to be happy and successful, both extremely subjective words.

The list looks something like this:

Get the degree. Check.

Buy the expensive property. Check.

Be a “good” person. Translation: overextend yourself and be everything to everyone. Check.

Dive into a soul-sucking career for the sake of prestige and money. Check.

Play it safe. Check.

Well, I had pretty much checked off the whole list. Yet, I could not shake off this deep desire to find something that felt missing. I felt empty, sad, and angry most days, yet I covered it up with a smile and fake gratitude.

I’d lost my connection. I’d lost myself. I had no idea who I was. I did not know what to believe in.

It was like I was waking up from a deep sleep. My soul was craving meaning, depth, and connection. I needed to release all of the beliefs that had kept me hostage to fear and zombie-like comfort.

My day job as a lawyer was adding a layer of stress to my life that I could not shake off. I knew that this was not the path my soul intended, yet I needed the money, so it was not time to leave just yet. And to make things more confusing, I was good at it. My brain would trick me into thinking I needed to stay in that career.

While I managed my responsibilities during the day, most nights I consume more spiritual material than most do in a lifetime. I was in search mode. Although I learned many beautiful philosophies and teachings, this consumption of information was not the answer I was seeking.

I sought coaches, attended seminars, and read almost every book under the sun, yet the feeling of connection eluded me.

Why? Because I was trying to soothe myself from the mental plane and I forgot to feel my way through the process. I did not know how to connect to my body, and I certainly was not in touch with my right brain—the center of intuition and creativity.

From that point onward, I committed myself to soul work. The road was long and windy. There were rivers of tears along the way.

During this time, I discovered things I’d kept hidden from myself and got to know myself in new ways. I was peeling back layers that slowly revealed my true self.

One of my biggest revelations during my journey is that, although I was living like an extrovert, my essence is one of an introvert. I discovered that I am highly sensitive and empathetic. It was difficult for me to accept this because I associated introversion with shyness, weakness, and weirdness, but the more I felt into this truth about myself, the more I started to love the real me.

My introversion taught me about the beauty of downtime. It helped me feel into my body and learn all the things she needed at any given time to feel relaxed and nourished.

I realized I’d been living too fast, checking off lists, too busy “being productive” and making sure that I was pleasing everyone. But, I rarely checked in with myself to process my feelings, or to feel into what I really needed. I learned that I had abandoned my needs most of my life in the name of acceptance.

Much of this process involves facing what we have denied to ourselves for so long. It is painful, but extremely powerful. The gold at the end of the rainbow: I feel more inspired, refreshed, and connected. That is the theme of my life.

Connection.

So, what are some of the lessons that you can expect when you say yes to soul work?

Embrace your feelings—even the dark ones.

You can’t be happy all the time. It’s not possible, so please do not try. Do not chase happiness.

This beautiful universe is all about duality. How could you possibly love the light without experiencing the dark?

You can’t. Because you would not have a reference point.

And, what is the fastest path to the light?

Feelings.

They are the gateway to your soul.

I’m not referring to your everyday emotions, which can feel like a rollercoaster at times. I’m talking about deep reflection. I am talking about the feelings that are trying to deliver messages to you all day long.

The good. The bad. The ugly.

An amazing mentor taught me one of the most powerful processes for releasing negative emotions.

It just requires breathing and focus on the feeling. Once you feel the energy of an emotion, it shifts and moves as you breathe into it. There are so many insights that come to the surface when you remove the initial layer and make room for the expression of the pain.

Once the veil of pain is removed, you reach a higher perspective, where you see any situation from a higher plane and not just with your limited human eyes.

Ask yourself:

What am I constantly thinking about that’s bringing me down?

What do I long to release but haven’t been able to?

Then ask your feelings:

What are you here to teach me and breathe?

Feel the feeling; breathe into it. Feel it shift and move inside of you.

Listen. And then write whatever insights you receive. Do not judge yourself at any point. These are your feelings and they are real to you.

When I asked these questions, I had to admit to myself that I was continually expecting people to behave and feel like me, and when that did not happen, I felt disappointed. This way of processing the world was bringing me down, so I reevaluated my relationships.

I realized that I had resentment because I felt like I was a giver in most of my relationships. Why? Because over-giving stems from not checking in and slowing down. I stopped being only a giver. I learned how to receive. I started to express my feelings and most importantly, I started to feel into my needs and say yes to them.

At first, it felt selfish, but then it became necessary. The more I connected with myself and learned about my true needs, the more available I was for deeper and more authentic connections with the world.

Let your inner wisdom be your guide. It knows how to best navigate your life.

We listen to opinions all day long, unconsciously and consciously. People with good intentions want to tell us how we should do things, or how we should feel, think, and act.

While I personally believe that the universe delivers messages through others sometimes, the ultimate filter of your life must be your inner wisdom, that piece of unconditional love that guides you.

This guidance is available to all of us.

Ask yourself:

What am I refusing to see?   

What am I ignoring?  

What am I hiding from myself?

You may not get answers at first, but you will start to build a connection to your inner world.

Our brains will always have a conditioned response to these questions, but when we breathe and feel into the answers, a new message may emerge for you. A new perspective may be shown to you.

One of the biggest revelations for me when I asked these questions is that my true nature is one of a healer and someone who wants to help others heal and get in touch with their hearts. Although my entire life has been all about getting things done and building a career, my true nature is all about feeling and flowing. A very different energy than the one I was creating in my day-to-day life.

There is no better place than here, than now.

Being present is one of the most challenging tasks we can undertake, but if we want to transform, we need to learn to master the present. Otherwise, we are forever chasing the next thing.

I am currently living a reality where I wish I was doing what I love full time, but apparently, I still have lessons to learn from my current day job. I stay present by being a light warrior all day, even in the courtroom. I shine my light everywhere, and I allow it to lead me.

Although I am transitioning, it has been very challenging to stay present and bring my light to my day job, because the truth is that I want to be there, but I am here for now. But if I can be present here, I can be present anywhere. Because being present means that you are connected to your body.

To stay present, every so often during the day ask yourself these questions (courtesy of Tosha Silver):

Where am I?

What am I doing right this minute? 

Where has my mind taken me?

And most importantly, am I breathing fully?

Love your rest.

This is huge. It’s essential to your health. Say no as often as possible in the name of rest!

If my body does not feel like doing something, I honor that now instead of forcing myself to do things out of obligation or pressure. If I am tired and overwhelmed, I no longer have a problem retreating and declining to attend any events, including family commitments.

At one point, I thought I needed to be everything to everyone. This led to my mini breakdown. While I still have certain obligations because that’s just life, I check in way more often now to feel into whether something is a yes or no.

This takes some practice, so please be patient with yourself and do not expect everyone to understand your journey. It’s okay, we all have our own path. This is about what feels right to you.

My new mantra is rest. refresh. repeat.

The words that come out of your mouth when you’re angry or resentful are not the deep truth.

Mental truth is reactive and layered with stories from past experiences. Mental truth is often wrapped in deep pain and insecurities.

Your soul truth is the deeper truth that’s born from self-awareness and personal insight.

For example, your mental truth may cause you to react to your partner by shouting at them or shutting down when they fail to come home at the time you expected. Your mental truth may make a million assumptions like, “They do not love me or they aren’t there for me ever or they are cheating on me.”

If you can get to your soul truth, however, you may recognize that your feelings stem from past experiences and your assumptions lie in your own insecurities.

Your soul truth may ask you to voice your concerns or speak to your partner instead of defaulting to anger or blame. Your truth may ask you to forgive yourself for any past experiences that hurt you.

Your truth will always ask you to take responsibility for how you feel, and it will always encourage you to speak from your heart and inquire from the source if you are prone to making assumptions. Your truth will also warn you if something is off and will invite you to see things for what they are.

Breathe and ask silently, put your hand on your heart and ask:

What is my message about this situation?

 How can I see this differently?

What is this moment trying to teach me?

What is my inner truth showing me?

Your truth will feel profound and anchored in love and wisdom.

Creativity is the language of your soul.

When I started to color and draw portraits from YouTube tutorials, I entered the magical world of the right brain. This is where the magic lives.

Our left brains work hard to analyze and provide logic. Sometimes, this part of our brain can go into a loop because the logical part in us does not take into account our heart’s wisdom, nor does it take our feelings into consideration.

The right brain is more intuitive and abstract. The right brain is creative. It’s a place where we feel and interpret events through our gut, colors, and senses.

For example, if I were to express anger through my left brain, I would use words like “volatile,” “pissed off,” or “explosive.” If I were to describe anger using my right brain, I might say it looks like the color red and it feels tight in my chest.

And if I ask my right brain what anger is here to teach me, most of the time, it will feel like the message is that I am not being honest with someone or myself (of course there are a million other reasons why one can feel anger).

The right brain offers more depth. Being in my right brain has taught me to feel my body and the sensations and feelings, since these are messages and nudges from our inner wisdom.

So it is important in order to reach equanimity, to find your creativity and call it forth. You will feel more connected and more centered. Find activities that do not require thinking so you can start to feel the difference.

—

As you embark on your own path, which begins with willingness and the realization that something is missing, you will undoubtedly say goodbye to who you thought you were and you will fall in love with the gift that you are.

You may feel depleted some days, but for the most part you will experience a reorganization of your life and energy. You will feel like a child learning to see the world with new eyes. You will feel a deeper feeling of peace and happiness than you ever could have found by working through society’s list. This is soul work. Are you ready for it?

About Christine Rodriguez

Christine Rodriguez is a spiritual life coach dedicated to helping others transform beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that no longer serve them so they can create a life that’s aligned with their true desires and capabilities. To work with her, please visit miraculousshifts.com.

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